spicybland - Tumblr blog

[spicybland]

Heading out on deployment. #usnavy #fairwinds 🇺🇸⚓️

[spicybland]

Note to self

Need to think who I'd want on my will before I leave

[spicybland]

[spicybland]

Deep thoughts

I'm currently laying on my best friends bed, just thinking why I want a small circle this year. I can't trust people now and days. I can't find anyone that I can talk to and get to know without them stabbing me in the back. There's only a few people I can count on in the life. And that's fine with me, at the end of the day. I know I can count on god and me for anything. Thank you lord for everything you have blessed me with. Give me the strength to go about my days and please watch over this country as it goes through its turmoils. Be with my friends and family on this night and watch over them. In your sons holy name Amen Goodnight everyone

[spicybland]

Life is sometimes like ice cream, you gotta enjoy it before it melts #usnavy #blessed

[spicybland]

Dreams

My dreams scare me, they usually reflect things that are happening to me in my life. Like I have them when I'm uncertain about something and need something else to show me the answer. I'm just scared of some of them, because they always have me falling forever and never hitting anything

[spicybland]

[spicybland]

[spicybland]

I never quite realized a lot of things

I never fully understood why I tick or do the things I do. Well I never fully understood and still don't...why my heart and mind are bringing to light issues I've had buried. Is it buried because that's all I've done growing up. Take all the negative, anger and hate and bury it away. With no questions ask, only for it to turn into regret, worry and fear in the future. I wish I knew how to handle things and ask the right question when I was growing up. I believe that my mind is finally at a capacity, and things have to be solved or removed from my captivity. My mind has punished me with a problem that I know is genetic in my family and I know my mother suffers from it. Anxiety Issues; I thought the little post I would see from social media and that my someone important in my life would post or say. I never understood it, until now. I understand the feeling of wanting to just curl up in a ball and stop all the thoughts. Just wanna hide so no one can see you cry. And the worst part is, crying over nothing. I wanna say I'm crazy, but I've dealt with these issues for a few years with someone that was involved in my life. No ones crazy when they have anxiety. They are in pain Pain of never being normal, pain of their mind destroying them from the inside out. Pain that appears in a snap of a finger and can last from one second to what feels like forever. I feel that pain, I feel that gnawing that happens in your mind. The madness, how you just wish the madness would go away....but never does. Yeah, I understand it now. It's time for a change, god works in mysterious ways. And he has told me that I need to change my ways if I want to solve this issue. I have to learn to love myself, pray for forgiveness and learn to be a better man.

[spicybland]

I probably still have that shirt too. #transformationtuesday #engineers #myasianfriend

[spicybland]

Dream

Realistic dreams not the kind you have in your sleep, no these are ones that I will reach and achieve. One: I wanna be a walk on to a college I go when I get out of the navy Two: I will be the only one in my family to continue on and go to college Three: buy a motorcycle Four: never move back home Five: Be a better man.

[spicybland]

Miss this pup! But those floppy ears! #BeauBland @casidhebland @sambland2592

[spicybland]

Don't go

When I ask to be alone, it’s because deep down in the inside I’m screaming help me. I want to let you in my head, but I don’t. We aren’t an us anymore, I have to learn how to handle and love myself before I can think about you. I wish I didn’t develop these habits. I always felt bad for you when you had them but I guess it’s my turn to have Anxiety and Anxiety attacks.

[spicybland]

And you make me the best I wanna be princess❤️ Kayelynne Harrison

The very string that ties a kite down, is the same one that allows it to fly smoothly🎈 (I know it’s not a kite, work with me here!!) #ss

[spicybland]

Nicky! Babe, you’re 21!!! I’d say you’re officially an adult but you and I both know that neither one of us will ever really grow up😂 I wish I could be with you to celebrate but you’re in good hands😊 Out of your 21 years, I’ve known you almost ten years and you’ve been mine for almost three! Each day with you is such a blessing❤️ You’re my best friend, my other half, and the greatest fiancé that a girl could ever ask for💋 In the words of Jerry Maguire… I was inverted😉 Wait, wrong movie??😘 Happy birthday handsome💕💋 #birthdayboy #whatahunk

[spicybland]

Sweet smelling flowers from my sweetheart💐💕

[spicybland]

Harry Potter Weekend is err'body’s fave weekend✨ But it’s my most favorite, don’t challenge me⚡️ #potterhead