spiderrrling - Tumblr blog

[spiderrrling]

As I have corrected many a times, I know.

I am a(n):

⚪ Male

⚪ Female

🔘 Writer

Looking for

⚪ Boyfriend

⚪ Girlfriend

🔘 An incredibly specific word that I can't remember

[spiderrrling]

they want to take everything away from us

[spiderrrling]

writing is so fun

[spiderrrling]

his eyes were coke zero brown

[spiderrrling]

Nobody understands the bond between a girl and the mediocre book she read when she was 13 years old.

[spiderrrling]

When will my husband (my mutual on tumblr) return from war (being offline for several hours) to reunite in my soft and loving arms (shitposting about fictional characters that we both desire carnally)

[spiderrrling]

remember this

[spiderrrling]

Seventeen - JD! Eddie x Veronica! Reader

you guys aren't going to believe who it is....me with writing

this is part of my unfinished vip that is theatre kid! Eddie x theatre kid! reader where they play JD and Veronica from Heathers

note: this is unedited in rough writing stages, its not even proofread but I wanted to post it!!

"you know, for this to work you're gonna have to get close to me at some point"

"You- you're right," the admission left your lips with a breath of air which seemed to deflate you more than it probably should have.

"So what's the problem here?" Eddie leant against your wall, seemingly trying to put as much distance between the two of you as he could, which admittedly wasn't much. "And don't tell me there isn't one."

He was right, of course. He'd picked up on it all and if you were being honest you weren't shocked.

Sitting across from him in a booth in the diner, or in the passenger seat of his car. The nerves and excitement still churned in your stomach but it wasn't the same as the heavy panic that seemed to set in whenever he was close, too close.

"Its just that-" the words did not want to come, your teeth digging into your bottom lip as you looked away from him, staring directly at your door, "I've never been...kissed?" 

You realized how pathetic you must have sounded, the words sounding more like a question rather than an admission of complete lack of experience.

Only daring to look back at him when you heard him breathe out a soft laugh. His doe brown eyes soft as they met yours, his fingers playing with the rings on his hand nervously, it was calming not being the only nervous one for once.

"And this is not how you expected it to go?" There he went again, reading you like an open playbook.

"Yeah,"

"With me?" The look in his eyes said so much more than his words ever could, with *me* he'd said. Eddie Munson, town freak.

"With anyone," you refuted his point, and it wasn't a complete lie.

"Well, we can't have that now can we?" The mischief sparked up his eyes and tugged at the corner of his lips, scrunching his nose ever so slightly. "So.... we need a plan."

Eddie turned around, his eyes scanning across your bookshelf, fingers trailing the dustry shelves as his eyes wildly flew from title to tile blindly searching for something, he knew what he was looking for but he had no idea what it might look like.

"What- what exactly are you doing?" Words seemed to be getting stuck in your throat, this was new territory, unchoreographed scenes where you had no idea what would come next.

"Looking for inspiration..." Eddie seemed almost lost in his own plans and schemes as his words trailed off. "Romance novels, a script, something... a diary," he turned back around to face you, the mischievous grin bigger than before, eyebrows raised.

"A diary?" 

"What you're not a hopeless romantic who rambles about being kissed by the perfect guy?" 

"What no- no!" You could not believe this was the conversation you were having, hands covering your face and you weren't sure if it was due to the utter disbelief or the embarrassment.

"No you're not a hopeless romantic or no don't write about it in your diary?"

"Who's to even say I have a diary?" 

"So that's yes to both, where is it?" He looked almost like a little kid, nearly giddy with what you could only describe as devious plans. It took all your might to keep your eyes on Eddie and to not look at your bedside table

"Eddie, you're not reading my diary,"

"So you admit it, you have fantasized about it,"

"Ok fantazised is a very strong word,"

"If you won't let me read, will you at least tell me?" He sat down across from you on the bed, his legs crossed, picking up one of your pillows into his lap, and you couldn't help but think just how out of place he looked, but he seemed so at home. There seemed to be something almost genuine in his eyes, yet you were terrified to trust him completely. "I promise I won't laugh, I have no reason to." 

Almost on instinct he held out his pinkie to you, his smile vanished for just a minute to really show you he meant business.

"C'mon, it's just me, I'm nothing dangerous." You swore he grinned like the devil when he said that, and maybe that's why you took his pinkie in your own.

You let yourself fall onto your back, eyes sliding shut, once again not being able to look at him.

"I don't think I ever actually imagined it...more than like wanting it to be special, with someone I like..." teeth dug into your bottom lip, guarding your words carefully before you continued, "and it would be natural, not forced, like I'd be laughing from something they said and they'd just lean over and kiss me, and that's all it would be." 

He didn't say anything, but you felt the mattress dip next to you from his weight, laying shoulder to shoulder with you and you realize it's the closest the two of you ever have been to each other, and the alarm bells in your mind weren't going off, the panic wasn't building. It was nice.

"You didn't laugh," you open one eye and glance over at him just to find his eyes closed.

"I promised, didn't I?" Something about that made your thoughts stand still, go into a quiet, comfortable lull, it made breathing just a little bit easier.

"So... Do you like me?" Now that question caught you off guard and you found yourself instinctively move away from him just a little bit. "Nono stay, it's nice having you not tense up whenever I get close, and no- not like *that*, as a friend, a person if you will."

"You're not half bad, I suppose," it felt good to smile because of him, there was something really easy about it.

"You suppose?!" The fake hurt dripping from his voice is infatuation and you cannot help but laugh, you feel his hand leave yours and you see him grabbing one of the teddy bears off your bed, "she supposes!" he exlaims while looking the bear right in the eyes.

Eddie uses his fingers to manipulate the bear to life, moving the bear to look at you next.

"Yeah, I guess."

"And now she guesses!"

"Well, if I am not so half bad then?" He turned on the mattress, laying to face you, but you were still struggling to gather the courage to actually look him in the eye.

"Then what?" You folded your hands over your stomach, linking your fingers together, trying your best to stay composed because deep down you knew what was coming next.

"You know what I am asking," his voice was soft, calm, not at all what you had expected.

"Here? Now?" The realization of what he might mean dawned on you, and as if almost on cue, the same pit of anxiety started growing in your stomach, making your mouth dry and making your limbs go numb.

"No- no, let me take you out," he laid back down on the bed, prying your fingers appart and grabbing your hand, it was as if he had figured out how to make you comforable, "as friends, don't go thinking anything else, and I'll make it special."

"Special, only as friends," you repeated quietly, your eyes drifting back to the light fixture bolted to your ceiling, taking deep, slow breaths. "When? Because with rehersals and school, you know I have a very busy schedule-"

"Thursday, we're supposed to run lines anyway so I know you're free," you didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling, you could hear it in his voice. "And before you say anything, you will still live if we skip one afternoon of running lines to kiss me."

"You're sure?" 

"About the kiss or the lines?"

"Both." It was your turn to make him laugh, a genuine laugh from a genuine joke, not laughing at your lack of experience, an actual laugh. A deep chuckle from his chest. It felt good.

"Mmmh, I'll do my best but no promises,"

"Can I ask you something?"

"I'm an open book," you didn't doubt what he said, as long as you had the courage to ask you fully believed Eddie would tell you the truth.

"How many people have you kissed?" You put your finger on what exactly had changed between you, but there was now a lightnes hanging in the space you were sharing with Eddie. It was easier to breathe, as long as you kept your eyes fixated on the ceiling.

"Me? Why'd you wanna know?" That stupid coy smile was back on his lips, the exact kind that seemed to get under your skin a little too easily.

"I suppose I just need to know if theres like a mountain of people I need to compete with here,"

And he laughed, that same laugh that made everything in the air between you feel lighter, an atmosphere where it became easier to breathe.

"Me? A mountain?" You can still hear the laugh in his voice as he speaks, "you are aware of well, this?" he quickly gestures to all of himself, the harsh denim, leather and metal combination that makes up so much of his wardrobe.

And you can't help but feel just a little bit stupid, you weren't blindly unaware as to his social standing in the general town of Hawkins, but it was still Eddie. Someone who had an air of efortlessness around him, and he wasn't bad looking, just maybe not what you would class as the typical highschool look.

But you had also heard the swirling rumors, the resident outcast didn't only come with rumors of satanism and devil worship.

And all of it weren't rumors, you had seen it with your own eyes, the looks between him and Natalie last year, their failed attempts of hiding quick kisses backstage between calls. So there had been at least one. You knew that.

Had he been laying on her bed last year? Fingers laced and sharing secrets just as you were now. Had he given her her first kiss?

"Ok yeah fair enough Mr president of the Hellfire Club," you laugh and do your best to elbow him in the ribcage, "but you still have, right?"

"Yeah, of course I have-," he pauses for a moment, his hand immediately coming up to cover his eyes when he realized what he had said, "not- not of course like *that* more like yes I have, you know what I mean? Right?"

There was something ever so slightly satisfying about seeing Eddie Munson be the flustered one out of the two of you for once. With his hand pulled over his eyes and you swore you could see just the slightest amount of pink in his cheeks.

"I know," you quickly squeeze his other and which you are still holding in yours.

"But for your reference, I prefer master of the Hellfire Club, not president," you know he is joking, but you cant help but wonder if he does actually mean it deep down. You don't know much about the Hellfire Club, other than the alledged rumors they're responsible for all the weird things going on in Hawkins.

And a part of you is intrigued, it's near impossible to miss the props they use for their game when you're backstage, the big, black, wooden throne Eddie stored along with a handpainted banner of their logo had made you stop and look on more than one occation.

"Whatever you say, master of Hellfire Club." And thats all you say for a minute, for the first time you didn't feel the need to fill the empty space between you with lines or questions, the silence was comfort enough for once.

"Do you find it weird I haven't?" For the first time you do more than sneak a quick glance at him, turning your head on the mattress you can see his profile, the mess of his dark tangle of curls laying right next to you. "Kissed anyone, that is," you add quickly.

"Weird? No, I know you're weird but not because of that," you feel his elbow nudge you in the side, and you can't help but laugh, "I was more surprised."

"Surprised?" Did that mean he had thought about you?

"Yeah, just didn't expect you to not have been kissed," he stopped for a second, carefully trying to detangle the web of questions it seems he wants to ask, "didn't James ask you to homecoming or whatever?"

"Oh- no, I mean he did, ask me that is, but I didn't go with him," you stumble over your words as they hapazardly leave your lips, suddenly wanting nothing more than to sink into your bed and never resurface.

He's quiet, just for a moment, what you have realized is that rarely anything ever truly quiet when it comes to Eddie, "Sooo, why didn't you go?"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Wouldn't want anything else,"

"I kinda didn't want to?"

"Once again, you surprise me," and there he went again, carefully difusing the immediate anxiety that built in your stomach.

"But you still want to go with me? Tomorrow?"

"Yeah- yeah of course," you do your best to sound sure of yourself, of your own words, but there is still the unexplicable anxiety festering in your stomach with every passing second. Where part of you wishes he would just kiss you, right here, right now.

Getting it over with would be better than another restless night of wonder filled anxiety.

Maybe you could be friends with Eddie Munson, laughing in a booth between the sharing of scripted lines, laying on your bed sharing innocent secrets you havent told anyone else, listening to his newest music concotion he's created on a mixed tape in his car.

Yeah, that shouldn't be too hard.

----

Two days had passed, two entire days had come and gone. And your sheets still smelled like Eddie Munson.

The dark scents still hung onto the soft sheets, to your bear, your pillow. Every breath you take was as if he was stil laying beside you as you swapped secrets.

It had become another reminder of just how entangled he was becoming in your life. It was astonishing how quickly someone could establish themselves in your life.

Which is why the slight pang in your chest at the thought of his scent slowly dwindling was making more sense with every passing moment. Not that you were fully ready to admit that to yourself just yet.

"You're gonna skip rehersals,"

"But-"

"Consider it a type of rehersal then if you will," he was quick to dispute your protests, and he was right. This was a step you had to cross, "You're gonna go home, do whatever you want to do, get dressed up, do your makeup, anything,"

"And then, I am going to pick you up,"

"Do I get to know where you're taking me?"

"No, that is a surprise,"

You probably shouldn't be surprised to see Eddie standing beneath your window with a handfull of pebbles guarded carefully in his hand, along with his normal michevious smile.

"What are you doing!" You whisper shout down at him, why you're not really sure, but it felt like the appropriate thing to do.

"I'm here to pick you up!" He said it like it was the most normal thing in the whole world, but there was something different about him, you could tell even at a distance, but exactly what you werent sure of yet, "isn't this what they do in all of the movies?"

You wanted to dipute it, throw some snarky comment back at him and hope in exhange he would laugh, but you couldn't. He was doing this for you.

"Just know, I'm not climbing out the window I am going out the front door,"

"It's your night princess," He said just before attempting a small bow, earning laughs from both of you.

The butterflies were back, but they didn't gnaw at your stomach like the nerves did, they were unsetteling in their own terrifying way.

"My lady," Eddie opened the passenger door for you, just as one would a carriage and gestured for you to get in, "your evening awaits."

You didn't say anything, you struggled with telling if it was the nerves or fi it was the excitement making your head spin ever so slightly.

Only climbing into the passenger seat of Eddie's old dinged up van.

"You know...technically since you haven't told me where we are going this could be considered kidnapping,"

"Technically," Eddie held up a finger, but he didn't look at you, not even a quick glance, his eyes were glued to the road in front, "you got in the car willingly."

"And you're still not planning on telling me where you are taking me?"

"Do you not understand the concept of a surprise?" his tone was never mean, never condecending, always the same level of playfull and easiness to his voice.

You only rolled your eyes at him, with every turn of the car you tried to detangle the clues as to where he actually was taking you.

There wasn't much to the town of Hawkins, and it did not matter how long you lived there, somehow there was always a new spot, a new something to be discovered.

When he finally stopped the car it felt as if you had been there for years, but it couldn't have been more than a couple minutes tops.

For once the silence sitting between you felt comfortable, normal. Not the same way it used to feel suffocating.

"Here?"

"No, not just yet, but I'm gonna need you to close your eyes,"

"Close my eyes?" 

"Yes ma'am,"

"Why?"

"You're still not understanding the concept of surprises I see,"

You roll your eyes at him and do as he says, even bringing your hands up to cover your eyes. "Happy?" you ask, turning as if to look at him, and his reasounding laughter leaves you with a smile on your lips.

"Very."

You feel the car start to move again, trust. This all had to be some weird trust exersice for the two of you that he had deviced.

Your sense of distance was well... distorted, to say the least. Any semblance of ideas where he might take you was completely gone, because now you could be just about anywhere. If there even was an anywhere in Hawkins, there was barely a somewhere.

"Okok, wait here," Eddie said as the car finally stopped and you heard him open the driver door. The door next to you swung open, and you knew he was right there next to you. "Give me your hand, but don't open your eyes!"

Giving up at resisting you fumble around blindly untill you find Eddies hand and he holds it firmly in his own as he helps you out of the car.

"Ok, right here," he moves to stand behind you, your hand still in his, and you open your eyes. "Ta-da."

You take a second adjusting to the harsh light, blinking a couple of times before you can begin to orient yourself. A lake?

"Do you like it?" 

"It's a lake,"

"Yes, but do you like it?"

"Eddie, it's a lake, I don't particularly have strong feelings about a lake,"

"Nonono, not any lake, lovers lake," he's moved to stand in front of you and you have to hold back from laughing. Obvious, you probably should have guessed. "I've brought marshmallows, thought we'd make a fire."

He doesn't let you say anything before he starts working on his grand plan, only gestures for you to sit down.

The unforgiving summer temperatures in Indiana had slowly lulled into a cooler fall, but there were still traces of the last summer everywhere. There was still those hints of the sweet summer air left only just starting to be undercut by the sharp chill air of fall.

With the stars hanging low in the sky reflected in the lake. Lover lake. Of all places.

It might have been a bit obvious, but there was something satisfying about a cliche.

"Sooo, how do you know about this place?" you sit down in the back of the van, letting your legs dangle over the edge of the bed.

"My uncle, he used to take me here during the summer, taught me all the manly things," you have to hold back laughter as you look at him, hunched over, with his toungue sticking out of the corner of his mouth, "fishing, firing a gun, and luckily for you, how to start a fire."

"Well thank you Mr. Munson," 

He never mentioned his parents, only ever his uncle. There wasn't really much you knew about Eddie Munson besides the surface level tuff and circulating gossip and rumors.

He lived in the trailer park of Curley, with his uncle, who worked the night shift somewhere. You knew that he broke his last romantic stage partners heart once the show was over. 

He was a tennor with a good vocal range and had been in just about every theatre production Hawkins High had to offer.

Oh, and that there was always a low level chance he was part of a devil worshiping cult.

Exactly the kind of person you would want to be alone in the woods with, late at night, when no one knew where you were.

Deep down you knew that he wasn't a devil worshiper, but that also wasn't what made you the most anxious.

Glancing over at him it was easy to forget all the things people said about Eddie Munson, when he was here next to you without the constant noise from the people of Hawkins.

Here you could trace the soft lines of his face with the quick stolen glances you allowed yourself, watching the long shadows grow on his face with passing time.

"So why did you pick this place?" Your legs dangled over the edge of the van, sitting on the threadbare blanket Eddie kept in the back, your eyes wandering over the water, trying your best not to look at him as he worked.

"I thought you would like it, it's quiet but there's always something going on," Eddie sat down next to you, and you had to actively keep reminding yourself to not reach for his hand the way he had reached for yours the other day, "it kinda reminds me of you in that way."

Suddenly, you were happy with the dimming light and the soft orange glow from the fire as you hoped it would camoflague at least some of the blush that grew on your face.

"I do- like it," 

"Good, and-" Eddie reached for something behind him, rummaging through his bag to find what he was looking for, "this, is for you."

He held out a small package in front of you, wrapped with what had to be left over holiday paper, with probably more tape than paper in the end.

"Don't judge my wrapping skills, as you well know my talents lie elsewhere." He said as you carefully picked the package out of his hands, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

"It's a mixtape-" you said, turning it over in your hands, there was no writing on it like there normally was, just a blank casette.

"No, it's our mixtape," Eddie snatched the tape from out of your hands before quickly jumping out of the back of the van so he could place it in the stereo. "I made it for you."

"You made me a mixtape?" You couldn't tell in your own voice if it was surprise or disbelief, you had seen the box of his tapes in the van but you never expected him to make you one. Wondering what exactly Eddie Munson would put on a first kiss mixtape.

But once again, you find yourself surprised at the workings of his mind. Slow, carefully crafted music started pouring from the static speakers.

"My lady," Eddie stood in front of you, repeating the nickname from earlier and holding out his hand for you to take. "You do dance, right?"

You reach for the hand he offered you, letting him help you to your feet and suddenly you find yourself closer to Eddie than you had expected.

One of his arms wrapped around your waist, the other still holding your hand tightly in his. Carefully, you place your free hand ovr his shoulder, resisting the temptation to play with his curls.

"Happy now?" You ask as you smile up at him, being mindful of where you were placing your feet on the rough and uneven ground.

"Well, you didn't flinch this time," you move slowly together as Eddie coreographs your movements, swaying you side to side in time with the music. "So I'll take that as a win."

You had danced with Eddie before, but never like this. Always awkward steps as you both learned choreography to a number a comfortable distance apart.

Never wrapped in his arms slowly swaying to static music from an old car radio.

"Do you dance much Eddie?" You laugh as he stumbles over a root sticking out of the ground.

"Normally no- but for pretty girls who need their first kiss, I make exeptions."

"You're ridiculous," 

"And you're beautiful."

You knew he was just saying it, part of the whole pantomime to make the whole ordeal special for you.

But that didn't mean you were completely blind to the charm of his empty words.

"See look at you, you're a natural," Eddie said as he guided you to twirl, careful to never let go of your hand.

You take turns stealing glances at one another, anticipating when he is not looking so you can steal the next one, carefully studying every milieter of his face with a million hurried looks.

Something about him looked so at peace, his dark brown eyes looking almost black in the dimming light, the same careful carefree smile on his lips.

His fingers splayed against your lower back locking you into his every movement, the small comforts of it all.

Eddie was just a friend, but he looked so pretty, with those long dark eyelashes resting against his cheek as he closed his eyes.

You feel the need to look around, despite knowing no one is watching you, it feels like breaking the rules when you stand up on your tip toes and quickly press your lips against his.

It's not even a second, and yet your heart is racing so fast you can feel it through your entire body, eyes sliding shut as you quickly realize you do not dare look at him.

"That's not a real kiss," there seems to be almost a twinge of disbelief in his voice, and you can feel his hot breath against your face as he speaks, but you don't dare open your eyes, "doesn't count."

You feel his hand slide into your hair, cupping the side of your face and pulling you towards him, closing the small space between you.

The arm around your waist tightens, bringing your body closer to his and he stops swaying with the music. And just like that he is kissing you, properly, this time.

You have no idea what to do, letting him take the lead as you carefully lean into him just that little bit more.

His lips moving against yours, carefully, as if he's worried if he goes too fast you'll fall apart right in front of his eyes, and maybe he isn't wrong.

It was the kind of kiss that made you long for the promise of more.

When his lips leave yours it feels as if an eternity had passed, and only one thought hangs stranded in your mind. Friends.

You're just friends with Eddie Munson. He was just doing you a favor, a strange, maybe slightly fucked up favor, something that also served his interests.

And thats what stops you from leaning into him again, despite the soft look in his dark brown eyes when he finally opens them, despite the giggly feeling that was making your head spin, despite really wanting to.

The last rays of the evening sun cast long shadows across his face, and for the first time Eddie wasn't the picture everyone made him to be, he finally looked like Eddie.

You had no idea what to say, where to even begin, but it seemed Eddie took the smile on your face as confirmation enough. His own smile was infatuating, it seemed genuine.

His hand was still tangled in your hair, and his touch seemed to linger on you, carefully holding you together in one piece within the embrace of his arms.

"Not too bad right?"

"I suppose since you had a mountain of girls to practice on," you laugh as you place your head against his chest, hearing each beat of his heart.

"Once again with the supposing," he gives your hand a quick squeeze, both of you seeming to find peace in your old inside jokes.

"Thank you," you look up at him through your eyelashes, giving him what you hope is a reassuring smile.

"Nothing to thank me for," and as he speaks the reality of the situation hits you again, the uncomfortable reality that you're both playing a part for a role.

There is nothing to thank him for, because this also serves his own self interest. You do your best to push away the pang of pain that hits you right in the chest.

Ignoring the screaming thoughts of distrust that seemed to race through your mind faster than you knew how to tame them.

Because there was still that part of you that wanted to believe Eddie and everything he said. That he was doing this because he genuinely cared for you. Not because he had a role to fulfill, and you stood in the way of making that happen.

Did he take Natalie down here? Make her a mixtape of slow songs they danced to? Was what they had real? While what you had with Eddie was nothing but pretend from all sides?

Mostly, pretend. That is.

"Now- one more surprise," Eddie's words pull you out of your spiral before he carefully untangled his body from yours, dropping your hand, hand leaving your waist, and quickly you realized just how cold the night had grown.

"One more?" You could only see his back as he pulled out something else from his bag, "you really had this planned out," you say to no one in particular, the words hanging empty in the space between the two of you.

"Ta-daa," he finally says as he turns around, presenting you with his copy of the script, and you can't help but laugh. Of course.

"I- I didn't bring my script," you blurt out, which is true. You're resisting again,and you would like to claim you didn't know why, but you knew the more time you spent with Eddie the more difficult it was becoming to distinguish blurred lines.

"You and I both know that you don't need it," Eddie pats the space next to him as he sits down in the back of the van, leaned against the back of the drivers seat, "we'll just share mine."

You sit down next to him, trying to keep at least some space between him and yourself, but before you can fully process what is happening he has snaked an arm around your waist and you've ended up right next to him.

Eddie holds up the script in front of you, using both hands to try and keep it stable, the orange glow of the small camp fire doing it's best to illuminate the pages between you.

You couldn't be less focused, he is so close, he is everywhere. His arms around you once again, but so differently to just a few minutes ago.

Your eyes scan the script in front of you, slowly trying to untangle the notes he has left hapazardly in the margins with messy handwriting. You also spot more than one small drawing along the sides, covering up the first few words of text.

Yeah, it was definetively Eddie Munsons script you were looking at.

Reciting lines with him could quickly become a game, you'd imagine little people watching you as you bounced the ball back and fourth between you. That same rythmn you had found before returned, Chemistry X PERSON had called it.

You just chucked it up to Eddie being a really good scene partner. Which wasn't wrong.

You don't know for how long you sit there bouncing lines back and fourth between you, you've come to find that time spent with Eddie is rarely linear in the way you would normally expect it to be.

But you don't remember falling asleep, you remember mumbled words mentioning going home, and you don't remember when you wiggled even closer to him.

But you do remember waking up, still with Eddies arms wrapped around you, with the first rays of the morning sun peeking up over the horizon, and the final embers of the fire 

And you barely remember the car ride home, struggling to keep your eyes open, Eddie in the drivers seat with his eyes fixated on the road.

And you remember what he said as he dropped you off.

"Hey," he says, making you turn around before shutting the car door, "you've kissed, and also slept with me, all in one night."

"I think you might be a bad influence," you say to him before laughing, it's all so ridiculous.

"I wouldn't want to be anything else," he winks before you hurridly close the door.

My loveliest mutuals: @uglypastels @catastrofhe @indouloureux @mypoisonedvine @luveline @hellfiremunsonn @babybluebex

[spiderrrling]

oh dw people have been calling it out, please understand this is a post about constantly forgetting words, I feel it should be self explanatory

I am a(n):

⚪ Male

⚪ Female

🔘 Writer

Looking for

⚪ Boyfriend

⚪ Girlfriend

🔘 An incredibly specific word that I can't remember

[spiderrrling]

Seventeen - JD! Eddie x Veronica! Reader

you guys aren't going to believe who it is....me with writing

this is part of my unfinished vip that is theatre kid! Eddie x theatre kid! reader where they play JD and Veronica from Heathers

note: this is unedited in rough writing stages, its not even proofread but I wanted to post it!!

"you know, for this to work you're gonna have to get close to me at some point"

"You- you're right," the admission left your lips with a breath of air which seemed to deflate you more than it probably should have.

"So what's the problem here?" Eddie leant against your wall, seemingly trying to put as much distance between the two of you as he could, which admittedly wasn't much. "And don't tell me there isn't one."

He was right, of course. He'd picked up on it all and if you were being honest you weren't shocked.

Sitting across from him in a booth in the diner, or in the passenger seat of his car. The nerves and excitement still churned in your stomach but it wasn't the same as the heavy panic that seemed to set in whenever he was close, too close.

"Its just that-" the words did not want to come, your teeth digging into your bottom lip as you looked away from him, staring directly at your door, "I've never been...kissed?" 

You realized how pathetic you must have sounded, the words sounding more like a question rather than an admission of complete lack of experience.

Only daring to look back at him when you heard him breathe out a soft laugh. His doe brown eyes soft as they met yours, his fingers playing with the rings on his hand nervously, it was calming not being the only nervous one for once.

"And this is not how you expected it to go?" There he went again, reading you like an open playbook.

"Yeah,"

"With me?" The look in his eyes said so much more than his words ever could, with *me* he'd said. Eddie Munson, town freak.

"With anyone," you refuted his point, and it wasn't a complete lie.

"Well, we can't have that now can we?" The mischief sparked up his eyes and tugged at the corner of his lips, scrunching his nose ever so slightly. "So.... we need a plan."

Eddie turned around, his eyes scanning across your bookshelf, fingers trailing the dustry shelves as his eyes wildly flew from title to tile blindly searching for something, he knew what he was looking for but he had no idea what it might look like.

"What- what exactly are you doing?" Words seemed to be getting stuck in your throat, this was new territory, unchoreographed scenes where you had no idea what would come next.

"Looking for inspiration..." Eddie seemed almost lost in his own plans and schemes as his words trailed off. "Romance novels, a script, something... a diary," he turned back around to face you, the mischievous grin bigger than before, eyebrows raised.

"A diary?" 

"What you're not a hopeless romantic who rambles about being kissed by the perfect guy?" 

"What no- no!" You could not believe this was the conversation you were having, hands covering your face and you weren't sure if it was due to the utter disbelief or the embarrassment.

"No you're not a hopeless romantic or no don't write about it in your diary?"

"Who's to even say I have a diary?" 

"So that's yes to both, where is it?" He looked almost like a little kid, nearly giddy with what you could only describe as devious plans. It took all your might to keep your eyes on Eddie and to not look at your bedside table

"Eddie, you're not reading my diary,"

"So you admit it, you have fantasized about it,"

"Ok fantazised is a very strong word,"

"If you won't let me read, will you at least tell me?" He sat down across from you on the bed, his legs crossed, picking up one of your pillows into his lap, and you couldn't help but think just how out of place he looked, but he seemed so at home. There seemed to be something almost genuine in his eyes, yet you were terrified to trust him completely. "I promise I won't laugh, I have no reason to." 

Almost on instinct he held out his pinkie to you, his smile vanished for just a minute to really show you he meant business.

"C'mon, it's just me, I'm nothing dangerous." You swore he grinned like the devil when he said that, and maybe that's why you took his pinkie in your own.

You let yourself fall onto your back, eyes sliding shut, once again not being able to look at him.

"I don't think I ever actually imagined it...more than like wanting it to be special, with someone I like..." teeth dug into your bottom lip, guarding your words carefully before you continued, "and it would be natural, not forced, like I'd be laughing from something they said and they'd just lean over and kiss me, and that's all it would be." 

He didn't say anything, but you felt the mattress dip next to you from his weight, laying shoulder to shoulder with you and you realize it's the closest the two of you ever have been to each other, and the alarm bells in your mind weren't going off, the panic wasn't building. It was nice.

"You didn't laugh," you open one eye and glance over at him just to find his eyes closed.

"I promised, didn't I?" Something about that made your thoughts stand still, go into a quiet, comfortable lull, it made breathing just a little bit easier.

"So... Do you like me?" Now that question caught you off guard and you found yourself instinctively move away from him just a little bit. "Nono stay, it's nice having you not tense up whenever I get close, and no- not like *that*, as a friend, a person if you will."

"You're not half bad, I suppose," it felt good to smile because of him, there was something really easy about it.

"You suppose?!" The fake hurt dripping from his voice is infatuation and you cannot help but laugh, you feel his hand leave yours and you see him grabbing one of the teddy bears off your bed, "she supposes!" he exlaims while looking the bear right in the eyes.

Eddie uses his fingers to manipulate the bear to life, moving the bear to look at you next.

"Yeah, I guess."

"And now she guesses!"

"Well, if I am not so half bad then?" He turned on the mattress, laying to face you, but you were still struggling to gather the courage to actually look him in the eye.

"Then what?" You folded your hands over your stomach, linking your fingers together, trying your best to stay composed because deep down you knew what was coming next.

"You know what I am asking," his voice was soft, calm, not at all what you had expected.

"Here? Now?" The realization of what he might mean dawned on you, and as if almost on cue, the same pit of anxiety started growing in your stomach, making your mouth dry and making your limbs go numb.

"No- no, let me take you out," he laid back down on the bed, prying your fingers appart and grabbing your hand, it was as if he had figured out how to make you comforable, "as friends, don't go thinking anything else, and I'll make it special."

"Special, only as friends," you repeated quietly, your eyes drifting back to the light fixture bolted to your ceiling, taking deep, slow breaths. "When? Because with rehersals and school, you know I have a very busy schedule-"

"Thursday, we're supposed to run lines anyway so I know you're free," you didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling, you could hear it in his voice. "And before you say anything, you will still live if we skip one afternoon of running lines to kiss me."

"You're sure?" 

"About the kiss or the lines?"

"Both." It was your turn to make him laugh, a genuine laugh from a genuine joke, not laughing at your lack of experience, an actual laugh. A deep chuckle from his chest. It felt good.

"Mmmh, I'll do my best but no promises,"

"Can I ask you something?"

"I'm an open book," you didn't doubt what he said, as long as you had the courage to ask you fully believed Eddie would tell you the truth.

"How many people have you kissed?" You put your finger on what exactly had changed between you, but there was now a lightnes hanging in the space you were sharing with Eddie. It was easier to breathe, as long as you kept your eyes fixated on the ceiling.

"Me? Why'd you wanna know?" That stupid coy smile was back on his lips, the exact kind that seemed to get under your skin a little too easily.

"I suppose I just need to know if theres like a mountain of people I need to compete with here,"

And he laughed, that same laugh that made everything in the air between you feel lighter, an atmosphere where it became easier to breathe.

"Me? A mountain?" You can still hear the laugh in his voice as he speaks, "you are aware of well, this?" he quickly gestures to all of himself, the harsh denim, leather and metal combination that makes up so much of his wardrobe.

And you can't help but feel just a little bit stupid, you weren't blindly unaware as to his social standing in the general town of Hawkins, but it was still Eddie. Someone who had an air of efortlessness around him, and he wasn't bad looking, just maybe not what you would class as the typical highschool look.

But you had also heard the swirling rumors, the resident outcast didn't only come with rumors of satanism and devil worship.

And all of it weren't rumors, you had seen it with your own eyes, the looks between him and Natalie last year, their failed attempts of hiding quick kisses backstage between calls. So there had been at least one. You knew that.

Had he been laying on her bed last year? Fingers laced and sharing secrets just as you were now. Had he given her her first kiss?

"Ok yeah fair enough Mr president of the Hellfire Club," you laugh and do your best to elbow him in the ribcage, "but you still have, right?"

"Yeah, of course I have-," he pauses for a moment, his hand immediately coming up to cover his eyes when he realized what he had said, "not- not of course like *that* more like yes I have, you know what I mean? Right?"

There was something ever so slightly satisfying about seeing Eddie Munson be the flustered one out of the two of you for once. With his hand pulled over his eyes and you swore you could see just the slightest amount of pink in his cheeks.

"I know," you quickly squeeze his other and which you are still holding in yours.

"But for your reference, I prefer master of the Hellfire Club, not president," you know he is joking, but you cant help but wonder if he does actually mean it deep down. You don't know much about the Hellfire Club, other than the alledged rumors they're responsible for all the weird things going on in Hawkins.

And a part of you is intrigued, it's near impossible to miss the props they use for their game when you're backstage, the big, black, wooden throne Eddie stored along with a handpainted banner of their logo had made you stop and look on more than one occation.

"Whatever you say, master of Hellfire Club." And thats all you say for a minute, for the first time you didn't feel the need to fill the empty space between you with lines or questions, the silence was comfort enough for once.

"Do you find it weird I haven't?" For the first time you do more than sneak a quick glance at him, turning your head on the mattress you can see his profile, the mess of his dark tangle of curls laying right next to you. "Kissed anyone, that is," you add quickly.

"Weird? No, I know you're weird but not because of that," you feel his elbow nudge you in the side, and you can't help but laugh, "I was more surprised."

"Surprised?" Did that mean he had thought about you?

"Yeah, just didn't expect you to not have been kissed," he stopped for a second, carefully trying to detangle the web of questions it seems he wants to ask, "didn't James ask you to homecoming or whatever?"

"Oh- no, I mean he did, ask me that is, but I didn't go with him," you stumble over your words as they hapazardly leave your lips, suddenly wanting nothing more than to sink into your bed and never resurface.

He's quiet, just for a moment, what you have realized is that rarely anything ever truly quiet when it comes to Eddie, "Sooo, why didn't you go?"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Wouldn't want anything else,"

"I kinda didn't want to?"

"Once again, you surprise me," and there he went again, carefully difusing the immediate anxiety that built in your stomach.

"But you still want to go with me? Tomorrow?"

"Yeah- yeah of course," you do your best to sound sure of yourself, of your own words, but there is still the unexplicable anxiety festering in your stomach with every passing second. Where part of you wishes he would just kiss you, right here, right now.

Getting it over with would be better than another restless night of wonder filled anxiety.

Maybe you could be friends with Eddie Munson, laughing in a booth between the sharing of scripted lines, laying on your bed sharing innocent secrets you havent told anyone else, listening to his newest music concotion he's created on a mixed tape in his car.

Yeah, that shouldn't be too hard.

----

Two days had passed, two entire days had come and gone. And your sheets still smelled like Eddie Munson.

The dark scents still hung onto the soft sheets, to your bear, your pillow. Every breath you take was as if he was stil laying beside you as you swapped secrets.

It had become another reminder of just how entangled he was becoming in your life. It was astonishing how quickly someone could establish themselves in your life.

Which is why the slight pang in your chest at the thought of his scent slowly dwindling was making more sense with every passing moment. Not that you were fully ready to admit that to yourself just yet.

"You're gonna skip rehersals,"

"But-"

"Consider it a type of rehersal then if you will," he was quick to dispute your protests, and he was right. This was a step you had to cross, "You're gonna go home, do whatever you want to do, get dressed up, do your makeup, anything,"

"And then, I am going to pick you up,"

"Do I get to know where you're taking me?"

"No, that is a surprise,"

You probably shouldn't be surprised to see Eddie standing beneath your window with a handfull of pebbles guarded carefully in his hand, along with his normal michevious smile.

"What are you doing!" You whisper shout down at him, why you're not really sure, but it felt like the appropriate thing to do.

"I'm here to pick you up!" He said it like it was the most normal thing in the whole world, but there was something different about him, you could tell even at a distance, but exactly what you werent sure of yet, "isn't this what they do in all of the movies?"

You wanted to dipute it, throw some snarky comment back at him and hope in exhange he would laugh, but you couldn't. He was doing this for you.

"Just know, I'm not climbing out the window I am going out the front door,"

"It's your night princess," He said just before attempting a small bow, earning laughs from both of you.

The butterflies were back, but they didn't gnaw at your stomach like the nerves did, they were unsetteling in their own terrifying way.

"My lady," Eddie opened the passenger door for you, just as one would a carriage and gestured for you to get in, "your evening awaits."

You didn't say anything, you struggled with telling if it was the nerves or fi it was the excitement making your head spin ever so slightly.

Only climbing into the passenger seat of Eddie's old dinged up van.

"You know...technically since you haven't told me where we are going this could be considered kidnapping,"

"Technically," Eddie held up a finger, but he didn't look at you, not even a quick glance, his eyes were glued to the road in front, "you got in the car willingly."

"And you're still not planning on telling me where you are taking me?"

"Do you not understand the concept of a surprise?" his tone was never mean, never condecending, always the same level of playfull and easiness to his voice.

You only rolled your eyes at him, with every turn of the car you tried to detangle the clues as to where he actually was taking you.

There wasn't much to the town of Hawkins, and it did not matter how long you lived there, somehow there was always a new spot, a new something to be discovered.

When he finally stopped the car it felt as if you had been there for years, but it couldn't have been more than a couple minutes tops.

For once the silence sitting between you felt comfortable, normal. Not the same way it used to feel suffocating.

"Here?"

"No, not just yet, but I'm gonna need you to close your eyes,"

"Close my eyes?" 

"Yes ma'am,"

"Why?"

"You're still not understanding the concept of surprises I see,"

You roll your eyes at him and do as he says, even bringing your hands up to cover your eyes. "Happy?" you ask, turning as if to look at him, and his reasounding laughter leaves you with a smile on your lips.

"Very."

You feel the car start to move again, trust. This all had to be some weird trust exersice for the two of you that he had deviced.

Your sense of distance was well... distorted, to say the least. Any semblance of ideas where he might take you was completely gone, because now you could be just about anywhere. If there even was an anywhere in Hawkins, there was barely a somewhere.

"Okok, wait here," Eddie said as the car finally stopped and you heard him open the driver door. The door next to you swung open, and you knew he was right there next to you. "Give me your hand, but don't open your eyes!"

Giving up at resisting you fumble around blindly untill you find Eddies hand and he holds it firmly in his own as he helps you out of the car.

"Ok, right here," he moves to stand behind you, your hand still in his, and you open your eyes. "Ta-da."

You take a second adjusting to the harsh light, blinking a couple of times before you can begin to orient yourself. A lake?

"Do you like it?" 

"It's a lake,"

"Yes, but do you like it?"

"Eddie, it's a lake, I don't particularly have strong feelings about a lake,"

"Nonono, not any lake, lovers lake," he's moved to stand in front of you and you have to hold back from laughing. Obvious, you probably should have guessed. "I've brought marshmallows, thought we'd make a fire."

He doesn't let you say anything before he starts working on his grand plan, only gestures for you to sit down.

The unforgiving summer temperatures in Indiana had slowly lulled into a cooler fall, but there were still traces of the last summer everywhere. There was still those hints of the sweet summer air left only just starting to be undercut by the sharp chill air of fall.

With the stars hanging low in the sky reflected in the lake. Lover lake. Of all places.

It might have been a bit obvious, but there was something satisfying about a cliche.

"Sooo, how do you know about this place?" you sit down in the back of the van, letting your legs dangle over the edge of the bed.

"My uncle, he used to take me here during the summer, taught me all the manly things," you have to hold back laughter as you look at him, hunched over, with his toungue sticking out of the corner of his mouth, "fishing, firing a gun, and luckily for you, how to start a fire."

"Well thank you Mr. Munson," 

He never mentioned his parents, only ever his uncle. There wasn't really much you knew about Eddie Munson besides the surface level tuff and circulating gossip and rumors.

He lived in the trailer park of Curley, with his uncle, who worked the night shift somewhere. You knew that he broke his last romantic stage partners heart once the show was over. 

He was a tennor with a good vocal range and had been in just about every theatre production Hawkins High had to offer.

Oh, and that there was always a low level chance he was part of a devil worshiping cult.

Exactly the kind of person you would want to be alone in the woods with, late at night, when no one knew where you were.

Deep down you knew that he wasn't a devil worshiper, but that also wasn't what made you the most anxious.

Glancing over at him it was easy to forget all the things people said about Eddie Munson, when he was here next to you without the constant noise from the people of Hawkins.

Here you could trace the soft lines of his face with the quick stolen glances you allowed yourself, watching the long shadows grow on his face with passing time.

"So why did you pick this place?" Your legs dangled over the edge of the van, sitting on the threadbare blanket Eddie kept in the back, your eyes wandering over the water, trying your best not to look at him as he worked.

"I thought you would like it, it's quiet but there's always something going on," Eddie sat down next to you, and you had to actively keep reminding yourself to not reach for his hand the way he had reached for yours the other day, "it kinda reminds me of you in that way."

Suddenly, you were happy with the dimming light and the soft orange glow from the fire as you hoped it would camoflague at least some of the blush that grew on your face.

"I do- like it," 

"Good, and-" Eddie reached for something behind him, rummaging through his bag to find what he was looking for, "this, is for you."

He held out a small package in front of you, wrapped with what had to be left over holiday paper, with probably more tape than paper in the end.

"Don't judge my wrapping skills, as you well know my talents lie elsewhere." He said as you carefully picked the package out of his hands, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

"It's a mixtape-" you said, turning it over in your hands, there was no writing on it like there normally was, just a blank casette.

"No, it's our mixtape," Eddie snatched the tape from out of your hands before quickly jumping out of the back of the van so he could place it in the stereo. "I made it for you."

"You made me a mixtape?" You couldn't tell in your own voice if it was surprise or disbelief, you had seen the box of his tapes in the van but you never expected him to make you one. Wondering what exactly Eddie Munson would put on a first kiss mixtape.

But once again, you find yourself surprised at the workings of his mind. Slow, carefully crafted music started pouring from the static speakers.

"My lady," Eddie stood in front of you, repeating the nickname from earlier and holding out his hand for you to take. "You do dance, right?"

You reach for the hand he offered you, letting him help you to your feet and suddenly you find yourself closer to Eddie than you had expected.

One of his arms wrapped around your waist, the other still holding your hand tightly in his. Carefully, you place your free hand ovr his shoulder, resisting the temptation to play with his curls.

"Happy now?" You ask as you smile up at him, being mindful of where you were placing your feet on the rough and uneven ground.

"Well, you didn't flinch this time," you move slowly together as Eddie coreographs your movements, swaying you side to side in time with the music. "So I'll take that as a win."

You had danced with Eddie before, but never like this. Always awkward steps as you both learned choreography to a number a comfortable distance apart.

Never wrapped in his arms slowly swaying to static music from an old car radio.

"Do you dance much Eddie?" You laugh as he stumbles over a root sticking out of the ground.

"Normally no- but for pretty girls who need their first kiss, I make exeptions."

"You're ridiculous," 

"And you're beautiful."

You knew he was just saying it, part of the whole pantomime to make the whole ordeal special for you.

But that didn't mean you were completely blind to the charm of his empty words.

"See look at you, you're a natural," Eddie said as he guided you to twirl, careful to never let go of your hand.

You take turns stealing glances at one another, anticipating when he is not looking so you can steal the next one, carefully studying every milieter of his face with a million hurried looks.

Something about him looked so at peace, his dark brown eyes looking almost black in the dimming light, the same careful carefree smile on his lips.

His fingers splayed against your lower back locking you into his every movement, the small comforts of it all.

Eddie was just a friend, but he looked so pretty, with those long dark eyelashes resting against his cheek as he closed his eyes.

You feel the need to look around, despite knowing no one is watching you, it feels like breaking the rules when you stand up on your tip toes and quickly press your lips against his.

It's not even a second, and yet your heart is racing so fast you can feel it through your entire body, eyes sliding shut as you quickly realize you do not dare look at him.

"That's not a real kiss," there seems to be almost a twinge of disbelief in his voice, and you can feel his hot breath against your face as he speaks, but you don't dare open your eyes, "doesn't count."

You feel his hand slide into your hair, cupping the side of your face and pulling you towards him, closing the small space between you.

The arm around your waist tightens, bringing your body closer to his and he stops swaying with the music. And just like that he is kissing you, properly, this time.

You have no idea what to do, letting him take the lead as you carefully lean into him just that little bit more.

His lips moving against yours, carefully, as if he's worried if he goes too fast you'll fall apart right in front of his eyes, and maybe he isn't wrong.

It was the kind of kiss that made you long for the promise of more.

When his lips leave yours it feels as if an eternity had passed, and only one thought hangs stranded in your mind. Friends.

You're just friends with Eddie Munson. He was just doing you a favor, a strange, maybe slightly fucked up favor, something that also served his interests.

And thats what stops you from leaning into him again, despite the soft look in his dark brown eyes when he finally opens them, despite the giggly feeling that was making your head spin, despite really wanting to.

The last rays of the evening sun cast long shadows across his face, and for the first time Eddie wasn't the picture everyone made him to be, he finally looked like Eddie.

You had no idea what to say, where to even begin, but it seemed Eddie took the smile on your face as confirmation enough. His own smile was infatuating, it seemed genuine.

His hand was still tangled in your hair, and his touch seemed to linger on you, carefully holding you together in one piece within the embrace of his arms.

"Not too bad right?"

"I suppose since you had a mountain of girls to practice on," you laugh as you place your head against his chest, hearing each beat of his heart.

"Once again with the supposing," he gives your hand a quick squeeze, both of you seeming to find peace in your old inside jokes.

"Thank you," you look up at him through your eyelashes, giving him what you hope is a reassuring smile.

"Nothing to thank me for," and as he speaks the reality of the situation hits you again, the uncomfortable reality that you're both playing a part for a role.

There is nothing to thank him for, because this also serves his own self interest. You do your best to push away the pang of pain that hits you right in the chest.

Ignoring the screaming thoughts of distrust that seemed to race through your mind faster than you knew how to tame them.

Because there was still that part of you that wanted to believe Eddie and everything he said. That he was doing this because he genuinely cared for you. Not because he had a role to fulfill, and you stood in the way of making that happen.

Did he take Natalie down here? Make her a mixtape of slow songs they danced to? Was what they had real? While what you had with Eddie was nothing but pretend from all sides?

Mostly, pretend. That is.

"Now- one more surprise," Eddie's words pull you out of your spiral before he carefully untangled his body from yours, dropping your hand, hand leaving your waist, and quickly you realized just how cold the night had grown.

"One more?" You could only see his back as he pulled out something else from his bag, "you really had this planned out," you say to no one in particular, the words hanging empty in the space between the two of you.

"Ta-daa," he finally says as he turns around, presenting you with his copy of the script, and you can't help but laugh. Of course.

"I- I didn't bring my script," you blurt out, which is true. You're resisting again,and you would like to claim you didn't know why, but you knew the more time you spent with Eddie the more difficult it was becoming to distinguish blurred lines.

"You and I both know that you don't need it," Eddie pats the space next to him as he sits down in the back of the van, leaned against the back of the drivers seat, "we'll just share mine."

You sit down next to him, trying to keep at least some space between him and yourself, but before you can fully process what is happening he has snaked an arm around your waist and you've ended up right next to him.

Eddie holds up the script in front of you, using both hands to try and keep it stable, the orange glow of the small camp fire doing it's best to illuminate the pages between you.

You couldn't be less focused, he is so close, he is everywhere. His arms around you once again, but so differently to just a few minutes ago.

Your eyes scan the script in front of you, slowly trying to untangle the notes he has left hapazardly in the margins with messy handwriting. You also spot more than one small drawing along the sides, covering up the first few words of text.

Yeah, it was definetively Eddie Munsons script you were looking at.

Reciting lines with him could quickly become a game, you'd imagine little people watching you as you bounced the ball back and fourth between you. That same rythmn you had found before returned, Chemistry X PERSON had called it.

You just chucked it up to Eddie being a really good scene partner. Which wasn't wrong.

You don't know for how long you sit there bouncing lines back and fourth between you, you've come to find that time spent with Eddie is rarely linear in the way you would normally expect it to be.

But you don't remember falling asleep, you remember mumbled words mentioning going home, and you don't remember when you wiggled even closer to him.

But you do remember waking up, still with Eddies arms wrapped around you, with the first rays of the morning sun peeking up over the horizon, and the final embers of the fire 

And you barely remember the car ride home, struggling to keep your eyes open, Eddie in the drivers seat with his eyes fixated on the road.

And you remember what he said as he dropped you off.

"Hey," he says, making you turn around before shutting the car door, "you've kissed, and also slept with me, all in one night."

"I think you might be a bad influence," you say to him before laughing, it's all so ridiculous.

"I wouldn't want to be anything else," he winks before you hurridly close the door.

My loveliest mutuals: @uglypastels @catastrofhe @indouloureux @mypoisonedvine @luveline @hellfiremunsonn @babybluebex

[spiderrrling]

Rockstar!eddie finding out that you got offered to be on the cover/centerfold of playboy and immediately bursting at the seems at the idea of seeing you in it but then his jealousy kicking in at the day of the shoot because he realises everyone will see... well, everything.

And you think its just so cute

Until he gets the same offer for playgirl and suddenly its not so funny anymore.

But Eddie thinks its absolutely adorable how possessive you get.

+ bonus: you know how some flashy rockstars have elaborate and/or weirdly inappropriate artworks of themselves in their house. Well, eddie insisted on hanging prints of the covers of both your issues in your bedroom. As a commemoration of [what he considers to be] your and his greatest accomplishments

[spiderrrling]

does anyone want a piece of writing from a fic that I don't know if I'm going to finish? its heavily un edited but it is something and i think it's very cute

[spiderrrling]

I am a(n):

⚪ Male

⚪ Female

🔘 Writer

Looking for

⚪ Boyfriend

⚪ Girlfriend

🔘 An incredibly specific word that I can’t remember

[spiderrrling]

Not Wholly Evil |IX| pirate!Eddie au [NSFW]

a/n we are getting so close to the endddd oh my god i am so excited and sad at the same time because i don't want this story to end as much as some of you, but I also cannot wait to share my next lil projects with you 🥰 thank you for all the support on the last chapter!

this chapter will include explicit scenes. Minors DO NOT Interact. 18+. if you have read the previous chapters but do/should not wish to consume this content, please read:

Chapter 9 (safe for work version)

Series Masterlist

word count: 13k

"semi dark fic" - READ the warnings:. (gun/sword)violence. blood. mention of severe wounds. minor character death. allusions to suicide. kidnapping. imprisonment. alcohol. open and deep sea. near-death experiences in water. men are pigs: mentions of non-con, but it does not actually occur. [in-dream] non-consensual behaviour. malnourishment and weight loss. paranoia. mention of poisoning. abuse. manhandling. lying. small wounds inflicted by fire. blackmail. binds and knifes. SMUT 18+ ONLY, MDNI - p in v sex. oral (f receiving). no condom (this isn't the 18th century. wrap it before you tap it). choking. thigh riding. jealous!eddie.

Chapter 9: Paragon

“Perhaps the wolf wasn't quite so dangerous as he pretended. Unfortunately, there was only one way to find out for sure——give him a little rope and see if he hung himself… And pray that he didn't tie her up with it instead.”

― Sabrina Jeffries, Dance of Seduction

He looked like he saw a ghost. And maybe he had. You didn’t feel like yourself, so who was to say if you were still alive? You had comprehended how you carried yourself back to the Hellfire. Standing in his room felt like you were looking down at yourself. Aware of everything around you but understanding none of it.

‘I thought you had left.’ He stepped into the room, leaving the door wide open. As he walked, you noticed he was clearing the way for you, allowing you to leave if you wanted to. His eyes were intently focused on yours and threaded lightly. Like any wrong move would cause you to disappear.

‘I wanted to,’ you admitted. You still wanted to. Your thoughts had screamed through the night for an escape. Yet, something tied you down to this ship and made you return.

‘Then why didn’t you?’ He came closer, and so did you. That string pulled at your ribs again, pulling you two closer. You had tried long enough to fight it to no avail. Whatever you thought you wanted did not compare to your subconscious need to be next to him. 

‘I don’t know.’ Deep down, you knew the reason, but the time was not there yet to admit it. In your mind, you still despised everything about him, this ship, the crew, and, therefore, yourself for needing his touch as much as you did at this moment. It was weak to give in to him like you did.

The candle’s light fell upon him at angles that brought something new out in him or maybe revealed what had always been there. The signs of the wear and tear of a life at sea. He wasn’t hiding it any more, letting all that pain be visible, and he looked beautiful. You held back from reaching out and tracing the thin scar against his brow or the flawed line of his nose that must have been broken once. The longer you looked at him, the more you realised that you could look at him in this way forever. 

And that scared you. 

Munson walked past you to his desk, occupying himself with whatever he could reach. It would have been good for you to have something to focus on instead of him, but you stood in the middle of the room with nothing but him to clutch onto. Neither of you spoke, stuck in an awkward limbo, tiptoeing around one another to see who would be the first to step over that line. The line that had kept you, your heart, safe until now. You could impossibly predict what was to happen if it was crossed.

The ship creaked as the tide softly bounced off it. For the rest, it was uncharacteristically quiet on board.

‘Is the rest coming as well? Will we be departing soon?’ It was ridiculous to change the topic in this manner, but you simply did not know what else to say, and this barrier between you and him was dreadful. You could sense it in the middle, waiting for that catalyst to burst. And you wanted it to. Just how?

‘No, I doubt they realised I’ve gone.’ He finally turned back to face you, leaning against the desk, arms crossed, eyes on the ground. If he could just look at you—would that make things easier or that much harder?

‘Why did you? Leave the tavern, I mean.’ With your heart pounding in your throat, tightening your breath, you stepped toward him. 

‘I noticed you were gone. Then I heard you had gone to the harbour with some man and I thought…. I grew worried.’

‘Why?’ You could not imagine him caring for you to go out, away from his crew and his festivities, to look for you. 

‘I know what you’re thinking, and at first, yes, I was thinking about the money,’ he admitted, which took you aback. You took a step closer. ‘But then I—when I realised, or thought, that I had actually lost you, I thought about how I would never see you again, and I realised—’ his words faded as you took your final step towards, letting your chest press against his. He finally let his eyes meet yours. 

‘Realised what?’ Considering your proximity and seclusion, you hadn’t meant to whisper, but it felt right. 

‘That I was scared’ His breath was shaky as his eyes took all of you in. ‘Of loosing you.’

‘I was scared too.’ And maybe that is what kept you from leaving. The idea that if you would go, there was a possibility that you would never see him again, and it was enough to hollow out your entire being with dread. It felt wrong. But that gnawing in your chest stayed there the whole night, even when you had returned to the Hellfire, and it only left once you felt his fingers intertwine with yours. A flutter of a touch at the fingertips.

‘And? Are you still scared?’ He matched your hushed tone with his response. The question was simple on its surface, but only the facade for an obliterating iceberg was the truth. 

‘No.’ Standing in front of him, feeling his breath on you, the warmth that radiated off him, his gentle touch on your skin, seeing the smile hiding in his features, you saw nothing to be scared of anymore. There was nothing to fear anymore. The voice in you that had screamed for help all those days was silenced for a final time when you leaned in to kiss him.

His lips were chapped, cheeks rough with scars and the light shadowy scruff of a beard. His touch was featherlight, as if he was scared to pursue it as if you were to break underneath him. It starkly contrasted the force he had pulled you in with hours before. The intensity had been dizzying, and yet this was what genuinely shut your mind down entirely. But you could tell that he was not there yet wholly. Something kept him guarded. 

You pulled away, but your lips still shared the same breath. When you opened your eyes, you were met with his and how they were shaking with uncertainty as he took all of you in. 

‘Is there something you’re still afraid of?’ you asked.

‘Many things,’ his hand found its place on your waist, ‘but mostly of myself,’ and gently pushed you away. ‘And what I will do to you. I have made so many mistakes, mistakes that hurt you, already in that I will have to live it for my eternity, but I do not know what I will do if I make one again.’ 

There was silence as you took in his words. You understood them, possibly more than anyone could, for they were yours. As your lips met, you thought if what you were doing would lead to your doom, if it would all end in a disaster, but could something that felt so right be so devastating?

He had let his eyes fall to the ground. You reclaimed the one step he had made you take, closing the gap between you once more and letting your hand guide him to look up at you.

‘Do you think that kiss was a mistake?’ Your heart beat faster than it ever had as you waited for an answer, but his lips remained shut, so you continued. ‘If so, do not play with my heartstrings, but tell me, and I will leave. I will return to my cell, and you can lock me up and never see me again until you bring me back home.’ It would only be a couple of days, and it would hurt to mend this extremely fragile piece of you that you had just opened, but like all wounds do, it would heal eventually.

‘Answer me, captain.’ You kept your voice as steady as possible, regaining the confidence you had built up since you got onto the ship. ‘Was that a mistake?’

‘No.’ And with that one final word, you both leaned in for a kiss. Your hand was still on his cheek, his holding you tightly, but you still felt that urge to pull yourself closer to him. As you felt the press of his chest fully against yours, he actually pulled his lips away from yours. He hesitated but finally spoke against the corner of your mouth. ‘But… call me Eddie. Please.’ 

You couldn’t help but smile into your next kiss. Just like that, all that weight of the world fell off both your shoulders, down into the depths of the ocean, never to be seen again. You didn’t hold back with this newfound freedom when you pushed him up against the desk. The furniture shuffled with a creak over the floor, and you could hear some things topple over at the impact. Still, neither of you cared, too occupied with one another. He could just about manage to extend his hand and begin to push all the loose items off the desk to make space for himself. The papers flew around you, and all the measurement equipment clattered onto the crowd. 

As the kiss intensified, Eddie shrugged and smoothly sat up on the desk, pulling you in with him. As he slowly let himself fall back, you followed, attached by the lips, hands, and hearts, until you practically lay on top, arms keeping you up from falling entirely onto him. Well, one hand, as the other found him and laced your fingers together once more. He had tried to make more space around you, pushing objects aside, when he cursed loudly.

You startled away and saw the clench in his jaw as he took a deep breath. He must have read your panic-stricken face as he showed you his hand. ‘It’s alright,’ his voice was calm, humour peaking through it. ‘I might have just put my hand right into the flame.’ And indeed, the side of his hand was glowing red. 

Hearing this did not put your mind at rest as you tried to grab his hand and inspect the damage more deeply, but he pulled it away from you, instead taking your fingers in his and kissing your knuckles. 

‘Don’t worry, my darling,’ he smiled while kissing your hand, ‘Can barely feel it.’

He had just made direct contact with fire; you doubted it would be alright, but then again, you had seen all the scars on his body. This would just be another small blister among the list of many. But you blinked the thought away. Tried your best to not think about the pain he had endured. You doubted he wanted you to feel pity for him and what had once happened to him. 

The look in his eyes was adamant. He needed you to let it go, so all you could do was sigh.

‘You’ve gone mad.’ 

Eddie chuckled at your comment as he let his lips travel over your wrist, over the length of your arm. ‘As mad as any other sane man.’ His kisses moved over the material of your shirt. The lack of contact that was so clearly there shot sparks of anticipation through you, but he took his time taking you all in until his lips reached your collar. He had practically strained his neck to reach you from his position. Some of you wanted to back away to see how far he would follow you, but your weaker portion gave into his touch and melted over it. 

He had just kissed your neck, sparking a fire through you on the spot, when a noise boomed over the silent ship, bursting you out of the solitary moment of bliss. In an instant, Eddie held you by the hips as he gently pushed you off him and got himself back on the ground. There was an alarm in his features, and so, when he looked at you and told you to “Stay here”, for once, you listened.

He closed the door behind him as he left to see what the noise was, and when minutes later, he had not returned, but there had also not been any more ruckus or signs of danger; you calmed down. Unsure of what to do now, you lay down on the bed. In the past few days, the bed had gotten more comfortable as you got used to it, but it still felt strange. You lay down on your side, facing the wall. The patterns in the wooden planks almost seemed to move in the shadowy light and, unfortunately for you, brought you into a trance of clarity and thoughts.

What were you doing? How could you have let all this happen? Kissing the man that had caused the death of so many people that you had deemed friends. How could you betray their souls by… by falling for him? You had lost control of all your feelings and emotions. 

It was a trick of the sea. You had simply been captured on this ship for so long that you did not know what was wrong or right. How else could you explain the yearning feeling that still circulated through you? Why else did you wish he was still here with you, touching you?

With all these thoughts occupying your mind, you must have missed Eddie walking back into the room, mumbling something about how it had been a few of his crew that stumbled back up to the ship. Too busy with your own mind, you did not hear him calling your name softly, assuming you had fallen asleep and telling you good night. You did not hear how deflated the last words came from his mouth. You only caught the sound of the door closing behind him. 

And soon you managed to turn all these thoughts off and fall asleep. Except then, they came back even stronger and in the form of dreams. You found yourself back on the Red Tail. The hawk flapped its wings on the flag in the wind and every man’s uniform. The sun shone brightly in its last few minutes before hiding behind the horizon. It was a strange illusion as you stared down at the ship and the two figures that stood out looking at the sparkling sea. You watched yourself talking to Admiral Carver.

‘I would have imagined you to have grown tired of the water by now,’ he laughed.

‘I won’t say I will be happy to return home, but I can’t ever see myself becoming tired of this view. It is beautiful.’ You leaned forward onto the balustrade and breathed in the salty air. ‘Besides, you have done this for much longer than I have, and you’re here too, so it can’t be that bad.’ It seemed it was only your first expedition while he had crossed the world several times. If anyone was to grow tired of it, you thought it would be him. 

‘Perhaps you’re right,’ he had his arms behind his back, ‘but everything is more bearable when there is something back home to look forward to.’ 

‘I suppose so.’ You would not exactly know what he meant. Of course, you could not wait to see your father again, and your friends, but nothing at home gave you the sense that it genuinely anchored you there or drew your heart in for your return. ‘I am sure you miss your family very much.’

‘Yes, of course,’ He took a step closer to you, ‘but I will miss these moments.’

‘Oh,’ you were startled by his proximity, unsure how to respond. Politely, you smiled and tried to keep the conversation going, ‘I’ve enjoyed them too, uhmm-’, but you were suddenly thrown off-guard when you felt his hands on you. Before he had the chance to do anything, you were quick to push him off. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Taking our last chance before it’s too late.’ He leaned in again, and you stepped back. 

‘What about your–’

‘She does not need to know.’ The sea was a free playing field for most men, so what happened out there was not up to the women at home to know. You had seen adultery but never thought the admiral would participate in such activities. He had been drinking; maybe he wasn’t thinking straight. Before he would make any more mistakes, you attempted to walk away, but he caught you by the arm, putting all his strength into the hold.

‘Admiral, you’re hurting me.’ You tried to pull your arm back, and this is where things began to change. Where the dream made itself apparent. Carver’s handsome features turned into vicious angles as he spoke. 

‘So you’ll kiss Munson, but not me?’ 

‘What- what are you–’ you tried to get away, but it was as if he grew in size. And there were flashes. These flashes of light. Like lightning, there was no thunder, rain, or light. It blinded you, and you tried to regain your sight by blinking, but each time you did so, he seemed to change right in front of you. 

There was him like you knew him, but the next second he turned into this nightmarish version of himself, but there were moments when he wasn’t himself at all. You’d blink, and suddenly you saw Captain Munson. Still in that uniform, however, you would try to make sense of it all. Still, before you could, he would disappear again, and you would be looking into Carver’s blank eyes, and you’d see the blood dripping from his mouth as he spat out his words.

‘Don’t trust him.’

‘What?’ You had tears in your eyes, and your wrist burned from his touch. There was another flash of light. Eddie stood before you again, just as you knew him. 

‘Do not trust him.’

Don’t trust who? Who were you meant to trust, then? The questions rang through you as you woke up, head throbbing with pain, limbs sore and dehydrated. If you did not know any better, you would have blamed the rum you consumed the night before on everything, making you imagine all that had happened. Still, the sensation that Eddie had left on your whole body felt too real to be just a drunken dream or nightmare.

He was not in the cabin when you awoke, but you could hear him outside, yelling commands out. When you looked outside the window, you could tell by how the waves moved that you had departed the Saint Claire harbour and were on your way again.

You sat up in bed but remained still afterwards, uncertain what to do next. Some part of you wanted to go outside and see Eddie, talk to him about whatever it was that had happened that night. Still, a bigger side of you doubted you could ever look him in the eye again. Seeing your reflection from the glass doors of a cabinet in the room, of yourself in his bed, made you feel bad enough. So, staying in the room for the rest of the day was not an option either. You were already at the door, hand on the handle, when it opened, nearly crashing into you. 

‘Sorry,’ his apology was muffled. 

‘I was just on my way out,’ you muttered in the same awkward tone and walked past him. 

‘Wait,’ Eddie reached for you, and the memory of your dream of Carver made you retract away from him, regretting it as soon as you did. Eddie wasn’t him, but you treated him the same because of something your exhausted mind had decided to conjure up. Eddie kept his distance. ‘Can we talk?’

‘Later,’ you pleaded. This was not the right time. You could tell that it would not end well if you stayed there. 

But when would it be right? When would the stars align correctly for you to speak? It certainly wasn’t the next two days, as you kept walking in circles around eachother. You avoided him like the plague, and it was unlikely that he had not noticed yet. 

You kept yourself occupied with anyone else but him, really. Talking to Robin, Steve, and anyone else who seemed to require company as much as you. Almost as much, at least. It shocked you as well as them how smoothly the conversations went. While only a little was exchanged, neither side being too keen on sharing too much of their past, somehow, you still managed to fill hours with polite pleasantries. Some even showed you how to work around the ship, probably more than happy to give you some of their workload now. You didn’t mind. It was alright if it stopped you from overthinking everything that had happened in the past weeks. But it was still hard to do when you felt Eddie’s eyes on you. He’d watch you work the sails or anything else from afar, but when you’d try and catch him, he’d be suddenly occupied with something and walk away. 

The biggest surprise, however, came one evening when everyone had gathered for their final meal of the day. You had gotten your portion and were ready to return to the cabin when Robin pointed to the seat between her and Steve. You wanted to politely decline, feeling like you did not strictly belong in this dynamic—the crew’s meals felt more sacred, a moment for them to spend together, but they all saw your argument coming and shut it down. 

‘Never thought I’d say this,’ Wheeler, one of the lankier crewmates, said at some point, ‘but I might actually miss you.’ There was a cloud of agreeable laughter to which you belonged. It was funny, but what scared you was that you would miss them too when that eventual day of your return home would come. 

And it was coming.

Something about the air around you began to feel more familiar each day. And when you talked to Robin, you could sense that she knew how much time there was left. But each time you asked, she avoided answering straightforwardly. 

‘Not sure. But you know how seatravels are, you can never be sure… I mean, we should have been there days ago and yet,’ she laughed nervously, tying knots in a piece of old rope that someone had cut off once. 

‘I suppose you’re right.’ You had your own piece of rope and were toying with the frayed ends, pulling them apart mindlessly. You could hear Eddie talking to someone somewhere around, and you did your best not to look up. It had been days, but your tension still felt raw and strange. You wanted to simultaneously run into his arms and run away from him as far as possible, and you could not figure out which urge was the right one to follow.

‘It probably won’t take much longer, don’t worry.’ Robin said, her shoulder slumping as she untied another knot to remake it.

‘I’m not worried,’ you admitted. 

‘No, and you don’t need to be,’ Robin panicked, not wanting to give you the wrong impression of what she had intended to say, ‘but I’m sure you’ll be glad to be home.’ To this, you had no response because, very much like in your last days on your old ship, you had been eagerly awaiting your return home but did not feel like you were actually happy to go back. On top of that, you actually had the sense that you would miss this crew. By leaving, you would be leaving something behind, and you had never felt that before.

But it still did not feel right. Like a kink in your neck that you were trying to stretch out until it disappeared.

‘Can I ask you something?’ you said cautiously. 

Robin glanced up from her rope. ‘You always scare me when you say that.’ 

‘I hadn’t noticed I did it often.’ 

‘You’re quite inquisitive. It’s commendable, but dangerous.’

‘Should I be scared?’ You blinked. 

‘Not here, but in other parts of the world they’re not too keen on it, so just beware.’ She had tied a knot she couldn’t loosen anymore. ‘But what was your question?’ 

You took a deep breath. ‘Why did you target the Red Tail? And I know it was targeted, since the captain was aware what ship you were attacking.’ There was that other puzzle piece that was missing in your brain. How would he know if you were supposed to be on that ship or not? 

Robin froze and dropped her rope. You watched it fall to the ground and her reaching to pick it up clumsily. Once she did, she fumbled around even more with it. ‘I’m probably not the best person to ask this; I joined the crew late, I don’t know everything that’s going on around—’ she was getting distracted, losing the point of your question, or so you thought, ‘I had only heard things, but you have to know that people around here, we trust each other and that trust is earned. We might cheat once in a while in a game of cards or dice, but some things you just can’t lie about.

‘So, I didn’t need much convincing from the captain when he said that those— that those were bad men.’

‘He told you that my crew were bad men?’ 

‘They needed to be punished.’ Robin shrugged, but not in the way that made you think she thought indifferent. More so that, there was nothing she could do about it. It was a brief apology to you, not for what they had done, but as if she was sorry for being the bearer of the news. 

‘Punished for what?’ you asked, but Robin shook her head. Right, she wouldn’t be able to know, and you didn’t blame her. Was there anyone around willing to share more of the specifics of this situation? You felt like you had the right to explain what had brought you to their ship, but it would go past some lines of comfort for the men. Could you dare ask Eddie? 

But to ignore him for days just to come up with these questions could not be appreciated; then again, he owed you at least this after being the sole reason for your presence on this ship in the first place. He had caused all this mess. He could at least help you clean it up. 

You finished your conversation with Robin slowly, without any urgency to actually put it to an end. It must have been confusing to Robin, who saw how you tried to tie your sentences up to walk away, just to disentangle them just as she had been doing with her rope and keep pulling it back. Ultimately, she stopped it all and excused herself from the argument she needed back on her lookout post. She walked away, giving you this look that made it clear to you that she knew what you were planning to do and how apprehensive you were to do it. And whatever for? You had fought, punched, slapped and kissed Eddie in the past days without hesitation; why could you not just talk to him now?

Because that would actually mean something to you. It would unblur all the lines that connected you into a clear pattern, and you would have to live with those results, and you just were not ready for that yet. 

You took deep breaths as you walked up to the captain’s quarters. The door creaked as it slid open but was met with a resistant force as you collided with Eddie. He grunted lightly at the impact, and you began to apologise. 

‘Sorry,’ you mumbled, not expecting him to be so close suddenly. You had hoped to catch him at his desk, where the furniture could keep some kind of barrier between you. Still, now he stood mere inches away, towering over you and the heat of his body radiating onto yours. 

‘I was just on my way out.’ He scratched his beard casually, but his eyes said enough about how similarly he felt about your sudden appearance.

‘I hoped we could talk,’ you blurted out, and Eddie blinked.

‘Talk? Now?’ To this, you only nodded shyly. It had been too long. You had made him wait for days, which was simply too long. Why would he want to listen to what you had to say now? Eddie was ready to brush past you, but you were quicker, catching his arm and pulling eachother closer until your lips met in a chaste kiss. The suddenness stunned him, but for a blink of an eye before his muscles melted into position around you. It only confirmed your worst thoughts, how perfectly the two of you fit together, how your bodies simply locked into place with one another. The heat that grew between you could not only be felt by you. It was too strong for that. As much as you did not want to admit it, there was something there that you did not want to lose.

‘I’m sorry, ‘you said breathlessly, ‘for everything I’ve done in the past few days.’

‘You have done nothing to apologise for.’ He sighed.

‘Exactly,’ you jumped back at how loud you sounded. Still, his pull on your waist kept you close, ‘I have done nothing, while I should have stayed here with you, and we should have talked of, of whatever it is that stands between us, but—but I was scared. I thought I hadn’t been, but I was, and that, in turn, scared me even more, so I thought I needed time to think—’ 

‘And did you?’ He looked down at you inquisitively like he was observing a strange, yet highly fascinating, phenomenon in front of him. Something that he should not be enjoying as much as he was. The unwanted smirk appeared on his lips no matter how hard he tried to hide it. It made you aware of just how much you had tried to say in what short of an amount of time.

‘Yes,’ you said with a slow breath to help you calm down. At this, Eddie simply reacted with a gesture telling you to go on, to tell him what kind of discovery you had made. Would it be anything that could help your conundrum? Clear things up in your heads and maybe even hearts? You could not be sure, but it was a start if you just let those parts of you speak freely.

You took one more deep breath. ‘That night you asked me if I was scared, and I said “no”, but…’ you pushed past the shake of your voice. ‘But I realise now that that wasn’t the truth.’ As you announced this, the hand on your waist tightened its grip before leaving your body entirely. The immediate lack of contact made you regret your choice of words. Maybe you should have prepared what to say, but letting it come out unrehearsed and unplanned felt like the right thing to do. It would not cut out any of the emotions you felt. What you wanted him to know that you thought, so you stammered out your following words.

‘There is so much that I am scared of. It scares me how and how much I have changed in the past few days, and I am scared that I do not mind it. It scares me how much I enjoy being here and how much I want to be… with you.’ Your last words faded as you had not expected to hear yourself say them out loud. Eddie, who you had watched as he walked around the room in slow paces as he listened, must not have expected them, too, for he stopped to stare at you, dumbfounded.

‘Why?’ was the only thing he said in response. 

‘Because…’ you let out an exasperated sigh, walking up to him. You had somehow managed to find yourselves at his throne, ‘because this is not who I am supposed to be. I shouldn’t be. You are you; I am me, and nothing here is right.’ Yet the puzzle had never fit tighter together than it did now. But at the same time… ‘As much as I want to spend my days with you, I cannot stop thinking about all the chaos you have caused in my life. Whether on purpose or not…There is blood on your hands, Eddie.’ there were tears in your eyes. Eddie looked down at his hands as if you had meant it literally. They were pale and had a shake to them, but he quickly put them down to his sides.

‘And yet you’re still here.’ He said it with a distance, more to himself than anyone else, narrating the events as if putting it all into words could make it make more sense somehow, and maybe to him, it did. However, you were still utterly clueless and running in the dark.

‘I am.’ You nodded your head lightly. ‘And I wish I could explain why. To you and to myself, but I simply do not know.’

‘Let me pose you these two questions then,’ he spoke sternly, and you got the unexpected feeling that this would be a test you had to ace. ‘Are you still scared of me? Do you regret anything that happened between us?

‘Answer yes to either of my questions,’ he held two fingers up, ‘and I will make all of this very easy for you and disappear. You will never have to see me again but be honest.’ Looking into his eyes the way you were, it was difficult to lie, or it would have been if you had any intention of doing so. The word came easier to you than anything else had in your life, but you still needed to know some things before sealing your fate.

‘Before I answer, I need to know your business with the admiral.’

Eddie scoffed, looking out the window, ‘I could not care less about the admiral.’ Something in him tensed up despite his attempt to make his reply come out casually. Everything besides his eyes, which flickered with so many emotions simultaneously, you could not distinguish between them soon enough.

‘But the attack on my ship was deliberate, was it not?’ You did not need this to become another one of your rows and spoke as carefully as you could manage. If one of you began to raise your voice or fill your words with anger, it would take over the other, exploding fatally in the middle, and that is not what you wanted.

‘What do you remember from that day?’ He looked at you, head cocked to the side as he studied your face. He saw you blink slowly, trying to understand what he was implying.

‘I remember everything.’ How could you not? It was one of the most terrifying days of your life. ‘I remember being on the deck and seeing your dark sails and how I hid under that desk as the canons went off–’ 

‘Whose canons?’ He stared at you blankly, and you mirrored him perfectly. 

‘What?’

‘What canons did you hear go off? Who shot first?’ He did not say anything else, just stood still as you tried to reply with confidence that you lost as soon as you gave your answer some thought.

Everything had happened so quickly, and it was so loud. All you had tried was to block it out. But you heard the bangs. They came from all sides, but the first one... the first one was the closest.

Eddie must have seen the recognition on your face. ‘I know that those people were your friends. And I am sorry that that is how things-’

‘But you said I was not meant to be on board. You knew what ship it was.’ You cut him off at the memory. ‘You would have attacked either way, wouldn’t you?’

‘It is not that simple.’ He shook his head.

‘Isn’t it?’ 

‘No, and I wish I could explain, but I fear that whatever I tell you will only make you see the worst in me and them.’ 

‘You could at least try.’ You reached for his hand, and a bit of you leapt in relief when you saw he did not pull away. ‘I want to understand, Eddie. You do not know how horrible it is to live in this realm of uncertainty and oblivion.’

‘Would you rather live with the horrors of the truth?’ He asked genuinely, with the pain that exactly this truth had caused him in his eyes.

‘Is that not a choice I deserve to make by myself?’ You once again found yourself up against him. Funny how it always came back to this and how you would not have wanted it any other way.

‘You’ve said it yourself; I’ve hurt you enough times. I can not risk doing it again. I will not let myself do that.’ He brushed a strand of hair from your face, brushing his fingers over your cheek. ‘Now, will you please answer my questions?’

‘No,’ and with that, you answered both. Whatever tugged at you from the inside to feel such anxiety had nothing to do with Eddie.

On the contrary, you felt a sense of calm whenever you saw him. And you had wanted, really wanted, to regret those kisses, but you still dreamt of them at night, and it was all with a magical wonder that you wished to experience once more. Despite everything in your life that had led to this that would have told you to turn around and run away, you stayed firmly in your place in front of him with no intention of ever running away again.

Eddie leaned in, and you anticipated a kiss that never came as he spoke against the corner of your mouth, sending shivers down your spine. ‘I need you to say it, darling.’

‘I’m not scared of you, Eddie.’ The tremble in your voice had nothing to do with fear but all with the way he held you. His hand had moved down your cheek onto your neck, fingers wrapped around your throat, thumb caressing your jaw. His eyes pierced through you. ‘And I do not regret anything.’

You knew Eddie had seen all the far corners of the world. You must have come across the grandest of riches. Yet standing in front of him, you could not help but think how seeing Captain Eddie Munson beam his most genuine smile was the rarest and most beautiful treasure of them all. It was infectious; you could not help but smile at it. 

He let himself come close again, but just as your lips were about to touch, he spoke instead. Right against you, the hot air of his breath pricked at your skin with his light laugh. ‘Before all of this, had you ever imagined yourself here with me?’

As much as you had wished it was not true, ‘I did, actually.’ Your mind flashed to your dreams, the ones you had once thought were conjured up to plague you, but now you realised it was just your heart screaming out your deepest desires.

Like a reward, Eddie kissed your cheek for your reply. ‘Really? The princess had thought of me, a filthy pirate?’

‘I’m not a princess.’ You rolled your eyes playfully.

‘Out of all the things to dispute, you argue my words of affection?’ He chuckled, and you could feel the vibrations deep within his chest. 

‘There was nothing else to correct.’ You wanted to laugh but instead froze at the sensation of Eddie lightly putting pressure on your throat as he was still kissing pieces of your face. Just like that, everything in the past minutes disappeared from your mind. When he pulled away, you saw the mischievous glint in his eyes that once used to bring out fear of the worst in you.

‘Glad to know you haven’t changed too much, darling.’ With his hand around you, he gave you little choice but to look up at him. There was a moment in which both of you took everything of the other in. You tried to soak in all his features from this small distance, for some reason feeling the need to remember them all. Meanwhile, he read your face for any signs of reluctance, which he found none of. ‘You enjoyed that, didn’t you, princess?’ 

A question which brought a lot of enjoyment out of him.

Still taken aback by his actions, you stood there with your lips slightly parted, bewildered, so all you did was nod. And again, your response was rewarded with another kiss, finally letting you meet his lips while tightening his hold on you.  The weak sound that came out of your mouth at the feeling was an instinct. You had never heard yourself make such a sound, and he must have known it somehow as his grin grew wider against you. 

The kiss grew in strength by the fleeting second as you both lost control over your bodies, just letting them speak for themselves. It was messy and heated. The pent-up tension that had been sitting between you was finally finding its release. Eddie’s hands roamed over your body, almost in a hunger-like manner, devouring you with his touch alone. Maybe this hunger felt too real when Eddie’s teeth grazed over your neck, sending an unknown spark through your body at the sensation.

You held onto him tightly, one hand on his shoulder as the other rooted itself in his dark locks—which made you soon realise that the tiniest of motions of you caused a reaction in him as well, in the form of a low hiss as you pulled the hairs on the back of his neck. It had been an accident, as you tried to keep yourself up when the pleasure he brought you made you feel light as a feather.

Eddie hummed at your response as his hands continued their wandering path across your body. The pressure of his palms, combined with the slow and tantalising pace at which he moved, drove you to press your body eagerly against him, which, in turn, only spurred him on to continue down this track of your curves. His movements got rougher as he kept going.

With your urge to keep your bodies close, you quickly caught on Eddie walking backwards. You followed him mindlessly until he found his throne seat and pulled you along with him, right on top of his lap. At this proximity, you could feel all of him underneath you.

‘Tell me,’ he kissed you briefly between words, ‘have you ever been with a man before?’

‘Yes,’ you dared to reply with the truth. Anywhere else, it would have been considered a great shame, a sin of the highest degree, but with Eddie, somehow, you felt like he had wanted that to be your answer. You tried to focus on his face, that smile he shot up at you and the short answer you gave him, instead of how his hands roamed over your thighs. Even with the fabric of your trousers in between, his effect on you was immense. He must have felt how you tensed up when he reached your core. 

‘Did anyone ever touch you like this?’ 

‘Uhm, no, not in this way.’ You struggled with the words as he let his fingers press over your most sensitive parts, everywhere all at once. You could barely keep track of it. Another moan escaped you as his hand moved over your breast. Even with the fabric keeping your modesty intact, he had still found a way for his fingers to move smoothly across your nipples. The feeling lulled you into comfort, brewing the heat inside your chest. And so, you gasped as, with one aggressive pull, Eddie ripped the material of your shirt in two, revealing you to him entirely. Your eyes were wide in shock as his darkened with want.

‘Not scared of me yet, are you, princess?’ His hand was on your ribs, waiting for permission to touch your bare skin. 

‘No,’ your voice sounded like a hushed, airy whisper. Eddie smiled but still hesitated with his subsequent actions. As the shirt sleeve fell off your shoulder, he kissed you again. Except this time, his lips met your breast. The arch in your back, the tug of your hips towards him, was an almost mechanised reaction to it. And with it came the friction of his thigh against you. 

‘Eddie.’ His name sounded shaky coming from you as you could barely inhale a steady breath, too occupied with him.

‘That’s right, princess.’ He groaned as his lips remained on your skin, kissing the valley of your chest. With each kiss, your want for him grew, but your movements over his thigh barely covered the needed friction. You dug your nails into his shoulders, making him groan out in pained pleasure. He cursed before taking you by the hips. ‘Stand up.’

You did as he asked, something that did not go unnoticed by either of you. Eddie chuckled as he looked up at you, chin on your stomach, lips nearly pressing against it, so close you could feel the vibrations of his voice. 

‘So you can be good for me.’

A snide remark was already forming on the tip of your tongue, but Eddie was quicker. Smoothly, he pulled down your trousers and let them pool at your ankles. You stood in front of him in only your torn-up shirt. His large eyes were on you up until the moment his face made contact with your core, and at that moment, everything went black. You could just about make out that you held him close to you, pulling at his hair; as for the rest, the world was turning upside down and around at a speed that made everything seem like a sea full of stars. Your moans filled the room as his tongue licked through your slit. 

You assumed that with how he held you with one hand, his fingers would leave marks for days, but the other was much lower. You could hear the sound of a belt unbuckling. He was clearly struggling to work around his clothes with only one hand, especially with most of him already preoccupied with you and your pleasure. Never before had you seen such kind of ferocity in a man. Not when he pulled himself closer to you and practically fell to his knees from the throne. You surely would have fallen back if it had not been for him and the desk that hit your legs and now acted as an extra grip. It was especially needed when Eddie pulled your leg over his shoulder, gaining even more access to you. 

The desk kept sliding back with the force at which he held you in your place, grazing the floor, but it was all blocked out by your moans. They were filled with curses and the repetition of his name as your vision blurred with ecstasy and your body tightened with need. There was no possible way that the rest could not hear you through the thin walls of the cabin, but you could not care less about them. At this moment, they simply did not exist. 

‘You taste absolutely divine.’ Eddie spoke while kissing your inner thigh, making your legs even weaker. You noticed his lips glistening, never looking more kissable than ever before. 

He had run your mind through a mill; words were hard to come by. All you could muster out was a weak hum as you let your hand brush through his hair. At that, he nuzzled himself between your legs again, this time much gentler, and took his time kissing every inch of skin he had access to, giving you the time to catch your breath while still keeping you on that high edge.

‘I—I never…’ you still struggled to form a sentence.

‘Hmm,’ he kissed your stomach, ‘I know.’ And he slowly rose to his feet, catching your face in one more passionate kiss. You had gotten so used to how he tasted—rum, tobacco, sea air— that your flavour threw you off for a moment, but soon enough, you were sinking into him just as before. And again, you could hear the struggling twinkle of a locked belt buckle. 

‘Would you be a doll,’ he said with his amusement running down your cheek, ‘and help a poor man out.’

You reached for his trousers, undoing the belt and unbuttoning them so they could drop down his thighs. You had felt it before, how aroused he had grown, but seeing it made you take a step back. 

‘Nothing to be afraid of, darling.’ He grinned, placing a hand on your cheek. The other made itself comfortable between your legs, toying with your wetness. 

‘I know.’ You looked into his eyes. The warmth of them had burned up into a dark and hungry desire. Putting a light pressure onto his shoulders, you pushed him back down into the chair. Eddie practically bounced in the seat, taking you all in as much as you took the moment to look at him. Your flicker of confidence in the moment when you thought you knew what you were doing fizzled, but he must have read that off of you, as the next second he was the one pulling you down. 

‘Was this how you expected it to be,’ he murmured against your ear, ‘when you thought about us.’ 

‘No,’ you admitted. It was nothing like you had imagined. All your dreams had been of what you had thought he was; careless, dangerous, feeding off your fear. There had been none of this passion that you felt now. None of the heat, the tenderness or the feeling.

‘Anything you’d still like to change,’ he kissed the soft spot of skin behind your ear that made you shiver. 

‘No,’ you gasped. You could feel him against you, just waiting for the moment to enter you. The two of you were dancing around it, letting other make that next move, the plunge off the cliff, with no return. You shuffled over his thighs. One more kiss would seal the final deal when you moved your hips up and he adjusted himself infront of you.

The moan you let out at the feeling of him inside you, of him stretching your walls and filling you whole, was impossible to miss. Ships from miles away could probably tell what was going on, but again, they were not a part of your universe in this moment. Just you. You concentrated at the pace he was making you keep up with. The roll of your hips against the grind of his. Each thrust went deeper and harder making Eddie more aggressive in the most blissful of ways. There was nothing else to think about, because why would you when this felt so good? Reality went lost on you, until you felt his fingers dig into your side, a pain rushing through you. 

Both of you froze.

‘What’s wrong?’ Eddie immediately looked to where he had held you, pulling the remaining pieces of your shirt up to reveal the scar. The rough skin was a stark contrast to the rest of you. He met your eyes again. ‘Does it still hurt?’

‘It’s just sensitive.’ You wanted to push his hand away, cover the mark up again so neither of you had to be reminded of it. It had been a stupid mistake, that much you knew, and it was not as if you could change the past, so why let it pester you? But Eddie was not the kind to give up easily. He pushed the shirt material back up, keeping your hand away from him, to inspect the damage he had caused. 

‘I’ve done a lot in my life that I will forever regret,’ he kissed your shoulder as his thumb traced over the scarred line, ‘but this will probably haunt me the longest.’ His words and touch, combined with how you sat in his lap, still full of him, got you lost for words. Because, of course, you had hoped that this was his sentiment, you understood and appreciated his words, but what else was there to say? The only thing you could think of replying, which felt silly to do seeing your current position, was ask for some clarification.

‘What happened? I would have thought you had more control over your sword than that.’ You aired the conversation with a bit of laughter, but it only spurred him on to thrust deeper into you.

 ‘I had thought so too,’ he kept moving his hips forcefully, ‘I had hoped so,’ he kissed you sloppily, ‘but I lost it all when I saw you with him.’

‘Who?’ you asked. Maybe under different circumstances, you could have thought more clearly to realise what he was speaking of, but that did not seem possible. 

‘Harrington,’ the name came out of him with a bitter taste. Apparently, the feelings from that day had not disappeared as far as he had thought, but now he could let these frustrations out in a less hazardous manner. It still took a toll on you, but there was no pain to speak of. Just pure pleasure. 

Still, the mention of the crew member had surprised you. ‘Why– why would you—’

‘The way he held you, smiled at you, don’t you think I had wanted to do that? From the moment I saw you—but all I did was drive you away. It was just another reminder of my failure and before I knew it I—’ he stopped himself, still unable to properly speak of what happened. You kissed the bridge of his nose. 

‘For what it’s worth,’ you tugged at the words to come out cohesively, ‘I never thought of him as—’

‘It does not even matter what you think of him,’ he laughed, more so at himself, ‘You could fall for and by happy with any man on this earth and I could make my peace with it. I just don’t want to be the reason for your suffering.’

‘I think—’ a moan burst through your thought with another deep thrust, ‘I think you have managed to pay back any of your wrongdoings.’

‘Oh, darling, I haven’t even started to repay my debts.’ And so, Eddie kissed your neck, over and over, and with those kisses moved down to your brest. Your head rolled back with a soft whine at the attention he gave you, if not with his mouth, than the hand that kneaded your flesh and played with your nipples. 

As he kept going, and as your hips met his and the pleasure burst through you, you could feel everything coming to a close. The tightness in your body swelled while your control over it strayed. There was no possible way you could hold on for much longer and from the looks of it, Eddie had no plans on making you wait. He bucked his hips into you harder and harder, almost impossibly for you to keep it all in. You could explode with this pleasure and that is exactly what he wanted.

‘Mmm c’mon, princess. Feel so good around me,’ he hummed, ‘could anyone make you feel this good?’ 

‘Just you,’ you moaned out, holding tightly on to him as you felt the tension build up in you. 

‘That’s right,’ he had a smug smile across his face that you wished you could wipe off, and you would if you did not need him to keep doing whatever it was he did. Were his fingers back between your legs? Rubbing tight circles, sparking up your sensitivity. ‘Just me.’

‘Just you, Eddie,’ his named squeaked out from between your teeth when he reached the deepest part of you.

‘I’ll never get enough of you saying my name.’ 

‘Eddie,’ you repeated it in in a haze with his final thrusts that finally brought you over the edge. Stars fell over you in pleasure as Eddie slowed down his movements, letting you come down from the high. He held you tightly in his arms as you let your head fall on his shoulder until you fell into a comfortable silence. There was only the rush of the waves and your tired breaths that filled your ears.

Once your heart settled back to a steady pace, you knew it wasn’t safe. As good as this moment felt, it wouldn’t last. Whatever this was, there was no possibility in which it would outlive this voyage. Then, once it was over, it would hurt. That much you knew. Possibly more than anything had hurt before, and you would just have to be on the lookout for that end until then to let yourself become at peace with it. There wasn’t another choice, as this idea always stayed with you in the back of your head from that moment on. When you fell asleep in Eddie’s arms that night, you thought how many more days you got to wake to in such bliss as you did the next morning.

You could not tell if Eddie had these troubles, you could not tell, for he went through his following days much like before. The only difference was that his free minutes were now occupied with you.

It had not been your intention to make it so obvious to the crew, but there was also so little you could hide from them. Nothing could escape the dozens of interested eyes, so why hide your affection towards their captain? He certainly was not making any attempts. Any chance he got, he found himself at your side, holding you, kissing you, then behind closed doors, do all the other unspeakable things to you that made the others turn green of envy. 

Your mornings and afternoons were much the same as they had been before the night of the storm and the Hellfire’s arrival at Saint Claire, as you still spent it in each other's company. The difference was now that instead of being separated by the large oak desk, Eddie would often pull you into his lap to sit in the throne, if not making himself comfortable with you on the bed. The nights began with kisses and limbs tangled with eachother and merged into a joined slumber. Unfortunately, as happy as your days felt, it would not stop the nightmares from coming, but each time you would awake in a cold sweat or with shaking hands, he would be right there to coax you back to peace. What surprised you, however, was that you would do the same to him. 

Somehow, the thought of the notorious captain waking up screaming in the middle of the night, chest heaving, eyes wide with fear, had never occurred to you. You had never imagined him reaching for your thigh to ground himself as his reality spiralled in the dark.

‘Shh,’ you held him tightly, ‘it’s okay.’ 

Neither of you asked what the dreams were about, knowing you could do nothing about them. You could just help the other through it. And then, each time, the dreams that followed were much sweeter. 

Then you’d wake up in each other’s arms long before the rest of the world seemed to. Those few blissful moments where nothing could disturb you and the time you could spend in that bed was endless. 

Except it very much was not. And you realised it exactly through what you thought would be your escape. 

It was a sunny morning. The golden sunrays illuminated the cabin as you reached for Eddie, just to find the side of the bed to be empty. Only his impression in the covers, the faint temperature his body had radiated onto them, was still there. It could not have been long since he had gotten up, and indeed, you caught him standing at the window—leaning against it, more like. His trousers were loose on his hips, and his shirt was still on the ground around you. 

Grabbing that shirt and throwing it over your naked body, you walked over to him, and he looked in your direction as soon as he heard your footsteps. The smile in his eyes was genuine but weak. As soon as you were close enough, he pulled you into an embrace, twirling you around so your back would hit his chest and you could look out at the sea. With how the sunrays sparkled across the waves, it all felt like a dream, too good to be true, but you did not know yet that the dream was at the end of its tether.

‘I really am sorry,’ he mumbled, having his face already nuzzled in the crook of your neck, kissing the spot where it met your shoulder.

‘What for?’ Apologies had become a frequent appearance in his vocabulary, showing up in almost every conversation, if not sentence.

‘You know.’ Yes, you did know. For everything. He held a moment of silence, enjoying your presence in his arms for a little longer, before speaking again. ‘I just keep thinking about how everything between us happened, and if it had not been for me, we could have had more.’

‘I’m just as guilty.’ You had been stubborn, aggressive, and just as blind to your feelings. 

‘Highly doubtful statement.’ He laughed, and his breath tickled the hairs on your neck.

‘I don’t think so.’ You shrugged in his hold.

‘Still just as stubborn, aren’t you, princess.’ He squeezed you tighter. 

‘Is that not one of my most desirable attributes?’ You spun yourself around in his hold and quickly wrapped your arms around him. Doing so, hearing his tone and joy in his  voice, you had expected to see him smiling, but he looked just as sombre as when you had walked up to him. ‘What’s wrong?’ Your hand mindlessly began to trace over the scars on his chest, knowing it brought comfort to both you and him by now.

Eddie shook his head, holding back a laugh. ‘You know…’ he kissed your forehead,  ‘when I woke up, I saw you lying there, with the sun shining on your face, and you looked so peaceful, I had honesty considered just locking you away and keeping you forever, but I am a man of my word, am I not?’

‘I…don’t understand.’ You tried to see the meaning behind his words in his eyes, but there was nothing, and it only got harder to figure out when he held his forehead against yours, keeping you close. You still tried to make sense of what he said when you saw it. There, in the far back corner of your eye. So far, it could have been a play of light, and yet it was more real than anything. So undeniably real it crushed everything around you without question. 

From the angle the ship stood at, that was as much as you could envision through the windows, and thus you ran out of the room. As much as you did not want to leave Eddie behind, knowing it could be one of the last moments the two of you had, you ran out onto the deck to meet the silhouette of mountains against the rising sun. The longer you looked at it, the clearer the details became. The ridges of the mountains, the forests, the watch towers and houses. The uniformed ships that stood in the harbour.  

You knew this day was coming, you had been waiting for it, and yet, now that it was right there in front of you, you wished to be as far from it as possible. In what must have been shock, you took a couple of steps back just to collide with something—someone. You turned around to see Eddie and his soft but sad smile.

‘Welcome home,’ he announced.

Home, sweet home.

Your head turned between him and the land in the too-near distance, waiting for one of them to disappear, maybe even both. Why was this so difficult for your mind to comprehend? Why were the first words to come from your mouth, ‘Can we turn back?’ 

‘As much as I would want to,’ he sighed, ‘I’m sure they’ve noticed us by now.’ They must have. The watchers in those towers had the eyes of hawks, one of the reasons why your town was named after the bird.

‘So, what do we do?’ This is not how someone who is to be returning to their family after months spent with criminals was meant to respond. Everything about this was so wrong.

‘Go put your dress on.’ Eddie cocked his head back to the cabin. ‘I doubt they will appreciate you wearing this, as much as I adore it on you.’ That is when you realised you stood out on the main deck wearing only his shirt. ‘I’ll meet you in a few minutes.’ And with that, he gave you that look he had given you all those times before when you had been too headstrong in your own actions. Please, listen to me. It will be alright.

You walked back, feeling like you were floating, but not anywhere near the same way that you had the previous few days. It did not feel like you were weightless, on a cloud, free of worry or from the world. You were drifting. Far out into the abyss with nothing to hold on to. In this same state, you walked over to the wardrobe, where you had hung your dress, removed the item of clothing you had on and put on the old and tethered garment. It had once fit you like a glove, but you were far from the person it was measured for.

Just as you finished putting it on, the door opened, and Eddie walked in. 

You didn’t want to look at him. Not because of anger, you had, after all, no reason to be angry at him at that moment, but because you were sure that if you looked into those brown irises again, you would break down. He must have had the same idea as you as he walked past you, only grabbing the nearest shirt off the rack, and making a headway to the desk.

‘What are you going to do now?’ After all, that had been what pulled you two together, the money your father would offer for your return. That is what kept you on this ship safe for as long as it did… although, in retrospect, you doubted that Eddie would have ever done anything to you. Maybe he had always intended to bring you home before even speaking to you. Perhaps the money made no difference. But funnily enough, you wanted him to get it. Something in you, a deep instinct, told you that it was what he deserved.

‘Write a random note,’ he said, and you could see he was doing his best not to laugh. ‘Then we’ll send the note out, hope it reaches your dearest, and we’ll make the exchange.’ His words were quick and emotionless, but you noted the hint of novice apprehension in his plan.

‘You’ve never done this before, have you?’ you asked as you made your way up to the chair across from him.

‘Try not to sound too disappointed over my lack of experience in selling beautiful maidens back to their prosperous fathers.’

‘Not at all,’ you shook your head, grabbing the piece of parchment and quill from him. ‘But let me. It will be proof of life, and besides, your handwriting is unrecognisable. He won’t be able to read any of it.’ 

Eddie stared at you blankly as you began writing. 

Dear father, 

But what were you to write? The ink dripped off the quill as you pondered on the words. For a message that was quite clear, it was hard to actually phrase it and write it out. By the time you had signed your name at the bottom of the page, the Hellfire had almost reached the coast. You read it through once more: 

Dear Father, 

I know it has been a long time since you last heard from me. The Red Tail is no more; I was the only survivor, to my knowledge, saved by a crew of rogue sailors. They have kept me locked away but are willing to free me for the price of 5.000 pounds. Please meet me at noon at the Star Port for the exchange.

Love, 

Your daughter, 

—

You had decided against the mention of piracy or anything specific about the ship’s sinking, knowing that it would only drive your father away from pain the ransom. Eddie had been unable to keep still while you wrote your drafts but now stood behind you, hands on the backrest of your chair, reading the note along with you, over your shoulder.

‘Who would have thought, my darling extorting her own father.’

‘I am doing no such thing!’ You looked up at him, ‘I am simply… aiding you in extorting my father.’ when it came to this, you had little sympathy for your father. He had plenty of money to spare and often spent it on ridiculous causes. A faux rescue of his only daughter could surely fit in between those other purchases.

There was a knock on the door, which Eddie welcomed, and Harrington walked in. 

‘Got any mail for me to deliver, cap?’ it had been unanimously agreed that Harrington was the most inconspicuous of the whole crew and would be able to walk through the city unbothered to deliver the message. 

You had just been in the middle of folding the parchment. The last thing left was to let the wax melt to keep the corners together. With the seal done, you handed Steve the letter. He smiled at you with thanks, but his face hid an expression of loss, almost. A farewell. But before he left, you clutched him in an embrace, almost knocking Steve over.

When the door closed behind him, it was only a matter of waiting. After your fifth round of pacing through the room, Eddie walked up in front of you, blocking your already quite well-outlined route. He had met you right in the middle. 

‘I would prefer if you did not spend our last moments together walking holes into my carpet.’ 

‘You do not have a carpet,’ you quipped. 

‘Must you be so difficult now?’ He laughed that laugh you cherished so much before he placed his hands on your cheeks and kissed you the way you adored even more. The sun was almost at its peak, and so was your heart, and you had no idea what to do when it would finally fall. Either way, you would find out in a few minutes.

‘Do you think—’ 

‘Highly doubtful,’ Eddie said somberly before you could even finish your thought. ‘You had said it yourself, darling; you are you, I am me. This is not meant to work.’ But what if it could, you wanted to shout, shocking yourself for the millionth time on board this ship.

‘Well, then it had been an honour being your captive, captain.’ You said with a deep breath to keep your composure up.

‘Oh, don’t look so sad just yet, princess, the real fun is only about to begin.’ At this statement, you blinked slowly. ‘Or did you think you were done aiding me?’

‘What else do you need me to do?’ 

‘Since you mentioned it, I think we need to make you look the part of my sweet captive. Make your father believe we really had kept you all good and locked up, hmm?’ He grinned. ‘I really did not do a good job at this, did I? Got you all spoiled up here.’

‘It was much appreciated.’ You giggled, incapable of keeping a straight face when Eddie got like this. Looking back, you could barely imagine the cold and dark exterior that he had once posed in front of you since he had been an entirely different person underneath that. Then again, so were you. ‘So, what did you have in mind?’

‘A lot,’ he licked his lips, ‘but I don’t think we have the time for that. We’ll probably have to do with tying you up like a pretty gift—just your hands, of course,’ he quickly added as he saw your eyes widen. ‘And I’ll be sure to not make it too tight.

‘Alright,’ you nodded. After all, you trusted him. You watched him look through the room for something to wrap around your hands. In the end, he found a piece of rope hanging among the many items on his wall. It was a bit too long for even the intricate, but relatively weak, knot he tied over your wrists—enough to give the impression of captivity, but in reality, barely grazed your wrists. He made sure to check. 

And then it was time. You walked out of the cabin for the final time. The room in which you had spent so many tumultuous days and nights. A silly part of you wanted to actually run down the ladder into the lower deck to see the holding cell one last time. For what reason, you could not fathom. 

Eddie guided you with a hand on your back, down the gangplank, which wobbled with every step you took. You tried to keep your breathing under control, but then again, if this had been a real threat to your life, you would probably feel similarly. The walk down the harbour was the longest of your life. There just came no end to it, and you could not, frustratingly enough, make your mind up if you wanted that or not. After all, each step closer to the port was one step further away from him… and when had you become so dependent on him? Weeks ago, you had thought up visions of killing him in his sleep; now, you could not think of life without him. 

Your thoughts were still fighting for some kind of cohesion when you saw him walk down the street. Accompanied by his usual entourage of guards. Two of them carried a large trunk between them, which must have been filled with gold or other treasures to meet the demand.

‘Papa!’ You screamed out; an incautious urge to run towards him propelled you forward, just to be pulled back by Eddie. You glanced his way, and your breath hitched at what you saw. In the short amount of time that might have felt like an eternity that it took you to walk down the harbour, he had turned into what you could only describe as his old self. The same version of him that you had seen when you were “welcomed’ aboard the Hellfire. The Eddie that terrorised your nightmares. His eyes were pointed like daggers at your father. 

He, in turn, stood aback at the sight of who had been holding you. Most of the men around him did, in fact. It caused a bit of a stir, the murmur of his name travelled in disbelief, but Eddie was the first to speak up in full volume.

‘Governor. I see we meet again.’

‘Munson.’ Your father always had the skill to look unimpressed at the sight of any man, always seeming to be above them, and even now, he did a good job hiding any other emotion, but you could see the crack of fear breaking him on the edges. It was, however, quickly replaced as he spoke in his usual tone of business.

‘Munson. What are you doing here?’

‘Why, returning your precious jewel, of course.’ He grinned, pulling you closer to him. Some of the guards leapt forward but were stopped by your father and Eddie, who reached for the knife at his side. All eyes were on you and him as he let the blade slowly track over your arm. ‘Don’t wanna do that, gents. It will only cost us more trouble.’ 

‘You got the gold, Munson, now let her go!’ There were still several feet between the two sides of the deal. Eddie looked around theatrically. 

‘Do I?’ He cocked his head in his own direction. The two men in charge of the trunk hauled it over to you. You had no idea how Eddie was meant to carry it back to the ship. As they brought the gold over, your father spoke again. 

‘Is she well? Unharmed?’ 

You nodded, but Eddie nudged you with the hilt of his knife, his lips against your ear, ‘C’mon, darling, the man’s asked you a question.’

‘I am fine, father.’ You spoke. By that point, the men reached you and, with a final kiss to your temple, Eddie let you go. You were immediately pulled out of his reach by the guards. They must have thought they were holding you up as your legs objected to moving. You were unable to look away from him. All up until you felt your face pressed against your father’s jacket. 

‘There, there, it is alright,’ he hushed, and it took you a moment to realise why. You were crying. And if only he, or anyone else, understood that it was for all the opposite reasons. No fear or relief was escaping you through those tears. It was a loss as you saw Eddie standing there, bowing down at the end of his performance, blowing you a kiss goodbye.

It was the panic when you saw the rest of the people in the harbour. All of their eyes on you. On him. None of them were simple bystanders or civilians. 

Your dream had been crumbling into ruin all these days, but this was the final blow. All of it came down, all at once, and it started with your father’s call.

‘Guards!’, and suddenly the tenfold of guards appeared out of all possible directions. They had him surrounded, weapons at the ready. Eddie had nowhere to run. Your father spoke clearly, cutting the silence with the blade of his words. ‘Munson, I arrest you on charges of murder and high treason!’ 

to be continued...

thank you so much for reading!! if you want more of where this came from, check out my masterlist.

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Made these about a month ago, figured other spoonies might want to use them

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all ao3 jokes aside, let’s all give thanks to the wonderful volunteers that are working hard to get the site back up and running so that homebodies like us don’t become stir crazy.

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Lil study 🥹

He’s watching you about to do unholy things to him btw