stories-i-spin

[stories-i-spin]

A Breath of Fresh Air: A Formal Intro

I was recently given an essay prompt that led me to start this very blog.

The purpose of the assignment was to understand myself as a reader and writer; to reflect on my literacy and writing experiences so I can further understand and refine my writing. I began writing my essay about my struggles with writer's block. As I began brainstorming on a Google doc, I started ranting about how frustrating it was for me to write because I was a perfectionist. I then took a step back and asked myself who was I trying to be perfect for and what was “perfect”?

At this moment I felt like writing was simply transactional; I’ll be assigned a prompt, do it to meet my teachers' needs exactly, and repeat. I began writing my essay falling into the same repetitive habit, which was writing “perfect” and “good” to please my teachers. As a young student I recall reading and writing a lot. I would write stories and journals daily which were often encouraged by my teachers and family. In elementary school I felt like my creativity and freedom in writing was nurtured and flourished, and I genuinely enjoyed writing.

As I began middle school, my perspective of writing was forcibly changed from a creative fun outlet, to an academic task I never wanted to do. It went from something I enjoyed to something I only thought about as academically because I was forced. I have always felt like my creativity was inhibited when I wanted to write, even to this day.

I then said, f**k writing about writer's block and what my teachers want me to write about I want to write for myself. When I graduate I want writing to still be a part of my life.

Teachers drilled in my head that good writing was a necessary skill to academic and career success, but they forgot to mention the personal benefits of writing. But first, who is anyone to tell me what good writing is and what isn’t? And who is to tell you? Writing is a form of art and I wish I remembered to continue to harness and capture my creativity and express myself through writing.

Although I do understand the important aspects of writing my teachers failed to teach me the true importance and meaning of writing. My teachers can continue to teach me grammar, mechanics, organization, y'know good writing things but why hasn't a teacher told me about how healing writing can be? Why didn’t they teach me how to take a break and write for myself sometimes?

I felt silenced and I didn’t even realize it. Why do we even write in the first place? How would anyone have motivation to write for someone else always? I silenced my creativity and wrote solely to please others.

Writing this blog feels like a breath of fresh air, a place where I can finally write for myself ( and to anyone who wants to listen). Writing for myself freed me from the pressure to impress. It released me to write what I need to write - good, honest material that will truly impact people. Isn't that the whole point of writing? Here I am making an effort to write for myself for once. Writing for myself allows me to turn off my internal critic and be more sincere in my writing. It unlocks my passions like connecting with people. Writing comes from the heart. But sometimes I lose myself in the craft.

In the whirlwind of essays, research papers, and other writing assignments I lost inspiration, but I learned that my inspiration can be found by writing for myself. If I look at writing in a completely fresh perspective - one where I see writing as a healing activity I realize so many benefits.

Writing for myself made me remember why I love writing.

When I write for myself I am able to...

Improve my mental health. When I reflect on my past, I notice how healing writing has been for me. In my past I have used writing as an outlet for stress. When my dad passed away when I was 16 my mom encouraged me to write about it in my journal to cope through my grief. Being able to write my thoughts and feelings about that experience was the most healing thing I could have done. I would also doodle and journal about my daily life when life seemed chaotic. The fact I felt a sweet release when I was able to write about my feelings and experiences was something that stayed with me to this day.

To document. When I reflect on my past I realize how much my older sister Taryn journaled. She has journals dating back to middle school; she is 28 now and a PE teacher, which has been her dream job since high school. When I see my sister writing, it immediately inspires me. I get inspired because she has her life documented. When she reads her journal she is transported to that time she can read exactly how she was feeling, what she was thinking at the time. Besides photos, I want to be able to document my life like my sister.

As a young adult, I have gone through a lot of things in that past I wish I wrote about. For example, although it isn’t too late, writing about my experiences with the pandemic. Being able to document my experiences throughout the pandemic would be super interesting for myself to reflect on, especially in the future. I also plan on writing about my college experience.  Since I am a first-generation college student, I think it would be important for me to reflect on my college experience because no one in my family has.

Moving to Pullman and starting school at Washington State University has changed my life in ways I did not think were possible. I could write a novel so far about my experiences living here and being a part of my sorority.

My fear is that my life passes me by too fast and I don’t have anything to remember the movements by.

One of my favorite and most important things to me is reflect on my life and remember my life. I hope that by starting my blog I will have a place to talk and reflect about my life and connect with others.  

I urge everyone to take time and write for yourself for once. It can start anywhere. A piece of paper, a doc, a sticky note. For me I wanted to try a blog! If not a blog, a poem, a novel, a story, a journal, an email, a diary. It’s exercise for the soul to flex and feel and let it all out. Just take a piece of paper, a pencil and write. Get a small notebook and start writing words down. Things you feel, sentences that don't make sense, words that sound cool, your favorite memories.