strangegh0st - Tumblr blog

[strangegh0st]

I forgot how good it feels to lose weight I was 178 last time I weighed myself wasn’t really restricting and constantly fighting in my mind about food I finally got my shit together and took control I dropped to 155 today it feels unbelievable

[strangegh0st]

Honestly I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me I just keep eating. Like holy fuck I’m such a cow.

[strangegh0st]

So I made a deal with myself that every 10 pounds I drop I’ll buy something off my Amazon wishlist because lately I’ve been doing so bad and honestly it’s fucking embarrassing so yeah new motivation or whatever

[strangegh0st]

I haven’t been on in a while but I’m back and it’s time to get back in The grove and really trying to reach my GW

[strangegh0st]

Day:10 The hardest thing I've given up during this weight loss journey has been being able to go out to eat with friends and eating at the dinner table with my mom.

[strangegh0st]

Day:9 pshhh of course they did, they still do now. I really hurt me as a young girl but now I use it as inspiration to keep going. I was like non stop bullied in elementary and most of middle because of my weight and I really wasn't even that over weight, but it drove me to use food as a stress reliver and a crutch. Finally I took a look in the mirror one day I was 220 and literally couldn't recognize myself so I decided to do something about it.

[strangegh0st]

day: 8 My workout routine is all over the place. I don't have a set one yet even though I think it would be really helpful so if any of you have any good workout routines please share!! But atm I do 100 situps and usually go on super long walks everyday and that's about it.

[strangegh0st]

day: 7 My mom does know I'm trying to lose weight but it's not a concern to her yet because I'm on the heavier side atm. However she doesn't know that it's in a unhealthy way. I'm not sure if she'd care if she found out or not because she also has some eating issues so idrk.

[strangegh0st]

slippers.

I got slippers that are almost exactly like the ones she has, the ones that I used to steal from her all the time, the ones that she'd put on to take the dog out and smoke a cig in. When I say her I don't mean a lover or a girlfriend, I mean my soul mate, my life partner, the one person in this whole world who saw me for me and always looked me in my eyes. We recently parted ways but my heart will always belong to her. I thought it would be good for me to step away, to stop contact, but all it did was hurt me more. The unknown is so scary, I don't know if she want's to see me again, I don't know if she still loves me, I don't know if she's actually okay or just telling me that because "I'm always okay, you never have to worry about me." All I know for certain is a I fucking miss her. No we never had anything sexual, we never saw one another in that type of way, despite what the kids at our school think we were only ever friends, best fucking friends. Friends that where always with one another, friends that would fight but at the end of the day know they still loved each other, friends that could read the other like a book, best fucking friends. But even the word friends has end in it, everything comes to a end weather you want it to or not, I really hope this isn't the end for us, not yet. I miss her in everyway possible, I feel sick, like I need her to function. I've never needed anyone but myself my whole life but her, she means everything to me and more. I really fucked up I really really fucked up, but there's no point in dwelling in the past and trying to change something that's already written in permanent ink, so I bought slippers that are almost exactly like the ones she has, to remind me of her, to make me feel like I still have some piece of her.

[strangegh0st]

day: 6 I do binge, I think I do it because I feel like thing's aren't moving fast enough and results aren't happening when I want them to so I just feel like "fuck it I'm still fat what's a few more pounds" then I binge and feel distrusting and cry over those few more pounds. (I'm going to start doing this again but this weekend I won't have access to internet so I'll either do those day's on Friday or just wait and continue on Monday, depends on how bored I am lol)

[strangegh0st]

welp, i just had the worst two weeks ever. I none stop binged and gained like all the weight i had lost back. i feel so fucking gross and guilty. But i'm back and not letting anything stop me from getting to my gw now because i'm so tired of feeling like a fat fucking pig.

[strangegh0st]

day: 5 the pinned post on my blog explains it all.

[strangegh0st]

day: 4 My greatest fear about weight loss is that it will never be enough, and that I won't look how I imagined when I get to my gw. My whole life I've hated myself so what if I do even when I'm skinny idk.

[strangegh0st]

Day: 3 these are my top 2 thinspo pics! I really like the first girl because she looks skinny even in baggy clothes (something I've never been able to do) and she kinda looks like Emily from corpse bride to me and that's one of my favorite movies. I like the second girl because her thigh gap and her hands are a dream for me, also her tattoos are pretty dope.

[strangegh0st]

I've been loosing like 1-2 pounds a day but I'm terrified that I'm going to plateau or that this is only some type of honey moon phase but I'd really like to keep this amount of weight loss going because I'm only 35 pounds away from my Gw which is still a lot but at the rate I'm going now is closer than expected, so does anyone have any words of wisdom or tips for me?

[strangegh0st]

I've always had a really bad problem with acne, not just on my face but my whole body, and since fasting and keeping my calories below 500 almost all my acne has cleared it's fucking amazing I feel really good about this and I am motivated to keep going to see how else things improve.

[strangegh0st]

day: 2 I'm 5'4 I don't really mind my height I do wish I was taller so that I looked skinnier but overall it doesn't really bother me.