swupwise
my name is sasugay,, sasugay ichytitty
side blog to hide from people I know and post my unmentionables
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things ive noticed since i first began to transition:
1. ive been laughing and smiling a lot more
2. i dyed my hair green to express myself
3. ive been wearing my fav colors (green and purple) a lot more as i come into how i want my body to be
4. ive been wearing more makeup
5. hey wait a second
6. wait a fucking minute
conclusion: Jokerified
#literally listing this to a friend and they go: are you the joker#the innate jokerification of being trans#i guess
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Coping by telling myself its after 6pm <33
#also trying to tell myself that i shouldnt let others damper any joy i have#but thats hard#so ill just wait until its no longer after 6pm#and hopefully ill be normal again
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Honestly. I really should have known better.
#you block me once then come back with excuses on why it wasnt your choice to ditch me for a year#even though we were dating and i had just had major surgery#sure tho okay ill believe you! like my feelings for you in the romantic sense are gone by this point but like#id still like you as friend#except im really busy now#way busier than before#at most i message you a few times a day or every other day#but i try to at least tall to you a few times every week#and everything is great!#yeah theres still a rift between us#you hurt me a lot after all#but its fine!#except then you go and pull it again#blocking me#are you going to vome back in a yeat#telling me ot wasnt your choice again?#because if so#im not taking that chance again#everytime#you lift me from the mud and help me on my feet#then push me back in right when things are getting tough#i cant do it anymore#whatever#im fine being lonely#im fine having no friends#im fine having no social connections#im fine#personal#vent#rant
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I should have a shirt that says like "I survived my local Mexican restaurant" or something
#everytime i eat there i have to rush home to shit out my guts#ike some hand of god shit as soon as im at the vounter to pay and leave my bowels are like#speedrun motherfucker#and then i go home and explode my toilet#and then eventually i go back and rinse and repeat
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Sorry I cant hear you over the when I close my eyes I turn on detective mode in real life
#yesh ive basically binged arkham knight these past two days#literally just finishing riddlers stupid riddles then i can do the knightfall protocol#and then after that the red hood story tehe#and then i might play the forst two games because i screwed up the order mega#anyway i close my eyes and i see the game i am mentlaly unhinged#also kinda sleep deprived#also everytime i see the arkham knight i go kitty kitty miau miau#i will be dreaming of slient takedowns and sneaking in militia towers for the next week probs#i already did last night lok#my post#personal#original post
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Incidents I can look back on now and think are funny but that were at the time deeply not funny:
The time my crush asked me how much I weighed, I ddint answer, so he picked me up and accurately guessed it.
The time that same crush asked me to hold out both my arms and he felt them then declared correctly which one I wank with
The time that same crush wanted to share a room on a school trip but I was to embarrassed and crammed with 3 girls instead
The time that same crush asked me to dance and everyone was urging me to dance with him too but I felt too inferior and kept refusing
The time that dame crush kept hinting at me about his feelings for me but I wasnt sure if I was seeing it correctly despite it being very obvious so I didnt say anything
#sorry i remember these incidents and its just so funny#like??? i relaly thought he didnt like me or smth#this also occured in middle school lol#my post#original post#personal
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Everytime I'm forced to write something that requires research from the bible I feel like I release some of the seal I've placed on the Church Kid in me. Its slowly breaking free.
#im not even kidding when i say this teacher must be obsessed with christianity#weve been relating everything weve read so far to something relating tot he bible#we read journey to the west and they wanted us to compare how it would have been ig it was christian instead#i am now writing a research paper on the portrayal of adam and eve by twain compared to the bible#the funny thing is this professor must have forgotten about the end of term evaluation lol#everyone when they have to answer yes to the is religion a major part of the class setting question#which yhen prompts the does this impact your ability to function fully in the classroom question#which if you answer yes to you get to free respond on how it affevts you#lol#my post#personal
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Lol. I have an exam due at midnight that I havent studied for like at all. And is pent an hour doing the bonus assignment for extra points. Except I realized the one I did was for exam 4 and we ar eon exam 2. I still submitted it tho lol. Also the prof wanted us to print it out, handwrite it scan it, and submit as a pdf but like. No. So I used My Handwriting font instead bandaging badaboom.
#ill be honest this prof sucks.#they def arent getting good scores from me lol#rn tho im cramming info on the chps so i wont fail lol#i need to maintain my 70#so i gotta get a 60 on my exam or higher#wish me luck#my post#personal
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Just realized when my parents pass away its gonna be up to one of us to go through the old VHS tapes to find their wedding videos and baby vids and family vids n stuff. what my siblings dont know and what I DO know is that there is a vhs tape somewhere within my parents belongings that is their sex tape and I am NOT gonna be the one to see that lol. You thought you were gonna see some cute baby vids and wedding vids on vhs, but in fact there is ONE sex tape you must never look at. There are no hints to which one it is. Good luck soldier.
#in all honesty its probably gonna be me who end sup going through them all#or i can lie and be like yeah i know which is which and not actually look at any of them#leave that to a future generation to stumble upon instead lol#ypu thought you were looking at your great great great grandparents wedding video but actually its there sex tape bada bind bada boom
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okay so after i got surgery to fix my nose so i could breathe my left nostril has the inability to grow nose hair on one area. not that big a deal except apparently it is because i just spent the past like 15 minutes plucking nose hairs from the other side because it pissed me off only one side was bare which then led me to sneezing for 5 minutes straight followed by me googling why and finding out i just fucked myself over from my allergies because the hairs protect from allergens. so. i guess. lesson learned.
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On the toilet fighting for my life and then theres scratching at the door (cat) and my honest to God first thought was "jesus?"
Send help I fear I've not long left for this world
#like yeah brain its defiently jesus#hes going to personally take me to heaven after dying on this here toilet
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I'll be having a great time talking to people and then my messages won't be getting replies while others are and it will feel like Ive been slammed with "your opinions are not valued here, your thoughts are not wanted, your words are not heard, nor are you"
#really sucks because its the first time in like 2 years ive talked to anyone outside of my family#and it was going so well and it felt like i was finslly getting some meaningful connections!#then wham!!! ignored.#its like i could fade out of existence and the people i thought i was close with wouldnt even notice#makes me think i shouldnt talk.
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Its 1 am, I'm taking a burning as fire shit and someone is calling my mother in the room opposite the bathroom and wont take "I think you have the wrong number" as an answer. I try to quiet my furious burning shitting to a quiter level, one because I what to hear the phone call and two because I dont want to wake everyone is the house with my ass screaming in pain, it is unsuccessful. A synthetic wig lies in the damp sink and I find that the internet is intermittent. Life seems to suck ass and eat shit and die: all in all, life is not daijobu.
#help i ate ice cream cheese spicy cheetos coffee and chocolate my ass hurts help#Curse you undiagnosed stomach disorder!!!!!!!#i say undiagnosed but we think we know whats wrong excepr doctors HATE me
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... when u accidentally get.yourself into a project that requires a good dela of work becaus eu have dyslexia and thought they was asking somethin else....
#i thought hey eanted to use a drawing of myself for a animation#but they actually wnat me to draw them?? or something??#i didmt want this#i just wanna learn chinese and eat hot chip#:(
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You cant spell trauma without ma!
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How do I fucking get my school to stop calling my fucking house every single time I miss 1 (ONE) fucking quiz!!!
#one quiz!!! stfu!!#now thwyre making fucking rules about how they do attendnce now like wtf#bullshit#thats what this is#and now myf ucking mom wont stfu#like shut up!!!!#fucking maybe i wouldnt be having problems of you jist stopped ficking pushing all kinds of bs on me#im one fucking person and i can barley handle anything in the first place#bitchy
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Someone: types something completely normal but without punctuation
Me: They are Anrgy and Upset At Me and Everything I've Ever Done Was Wrong and I Deserve Death For My Actions
#my autism: what is tone of oice and hwo do i obtain the ability to read it#if theye had added a question mark it wouldnt have been bad but#their wasnt any puncyuation at all and so i read it like they were angry and updet#also this all stemed from me asking their namr and pronouns and they went#they said 'can you not just check my bio'#like that sounds frustrated right??? i feel really bad now! :(#autism#pretty sure its the autism#my post#personal#original post#reece talks shit#okay to reblog
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