#// feel free to send in asks for this au it's been giving me brainrot OTL

[aceinthehellhole]

So, bad news. I'm not suspended.

Dean Crowely told me that I need to "be more aware" of what I post online because I'm "representing the school" now that I'm a student here.

Bullshit. I bet he has a private twitter where he thirsts over... Madonna or something. He looks like the type.

My point is, I get the feeling that he let me off easy. Which is TERRIBLE.

I tried begging him for just a little suspension, something I could tell my mom so she'd be disappointed in me and send me to- wait no fuck,, I don't wanna go to military school either.

I guess... I'm just fucked either way. Might as well be able to tweet about it freely without fear of "ruining" the military's reputation.

Speaking of getting fucked, my roommates are the worst.

Obviously everyone saw the tweet.

Jack was like "maybe you just need to get laid".

AS IF HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

Stupid Jack with his stupid muscles and stupid neck veins.

So I turned to him and was like "dude the absolute LAST thing I need is to have your huge sweaty meat stick shoved up my ass, okay?"

And then he had the AUDACITY to look offended by what I said. As if he wasn't the one being vulgar in the first place. Psh.

Jack isn't even the worst of them.

Deuce is the most annoying person I've ever met. He's at my side 24/7, following me around like a lost duckling, always asking me if I'm okay, and he even holds my hand sometimes. Gross.

What do I look like? A mama duck?

Okay, yes, I did cry to him about how unfair life is and may have fallen asleep on his chest, but that was ONE TIME. That doesn't mean we're automatically fused at the hip now. What is his deal??

And then there's Epel. That guy is so fucking weird. He barely speaks, and when he does, it's to make some backhanded comment about how I'm "pushing people away" and "ignoring the people who care about me".

AS IF anyone in this godforsaken school cares about ME.

Who is he to judge me like that anyway?? Rich coming from the guy who has no friends and refuses to talk to anyone. Sheesh.

The last guy in our dorm is Sebek. He's some kinda exchange student and he's almost as obnoxious as Jack. I get that they're dancers or whatever but do the have to be so RIPPED??

It's hard to focus on basically anything in our dorm when all I can hear is one or both of them grunting and huffing and getting all sweaty while they work out.

The only cool person in this entire school is - I KID YOU NOT - Yuu the janitor. I met them shortly after joining when I (definitely by accident) spilled 6 cans of spaghetti-os in the hallway. Don't ask.

I expected the janitor of this place to be A. some crotchety old man and B. the type to blow up in my face over spilled pasta. But Yuu was neither! They showed up with a mop and bucket on wheels, their pudgy black cat Grim perched lazily on their shoulder. While they started cleaning up the mess, all they said was. "Man, you must really like your o's."

And that was that. We instantly became allies in this cruel and rigorous hellhole of an academic setting, bonded over our shared love of cheap canned food.

Yuu has some kinda scholarship or something where they get free housing and food in exchange for cleaning up, which sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. If the position wasn't already filled, I would have begged Crowley to let me do that instead of "expressing myself" for a grade.

Speaking of which, I gotta get to something called a "movement class". Ugh. Pray for me.