#// i'm gonna kill him
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zaota · 6 months ago
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apparently doing things to your cervix WILL elicit those kind of sounds in those porns you thought were exaggerating a lot
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cr1t1cal-darl1ng · 1 year ago
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I've been thinking about him nonstop for about 3 days now
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I'm going to ███ ███ ███████ him ██ █████ █████ ███ █████ hes █████████ ███ ██████
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chock-and-bates · 11 days ago
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Do you know the tiktok sound in which a person says “you must BOUNCE on it CRAZY style”, well I can’t stop thinking about it and your Nosferatu au
oh my god.
i had not heard of this sound, so i went and looked it up and started cackling as i watched all the tiktoks. i'm honored you thought of my story fr 💀
however, my husband overheard me watching and now he thinks it's funny to say the line over and over in an orlok voice, and i am legitimately afraid he's driving me insane 😑
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jawritter · 2 years ago
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I asked Austin if I could log onto this WIFI this morning because my internet at the house will be later in the week getting hooked up, under the pretense of wanting to ‘check my emails’ lol. 
This is the conversation that follows...
Him: Sure, go ahead. 
Me: *Sits down in chair across the room while he’s eating breakfast and pulls out laptop*
Him: *Chuckling to self* So what? You got some side hustle like writing porn?
Me: *Goddamn nearly choked* What?! What about me checking my emails make you think I have a side hustle or writing porn?
Him: *Shrugs, smirking like a devil* I don’t know, you just always looked like the type to me.
Me:
Him:
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flatstarcarcosa · 9 months ago
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unrelated but i need zack to stop occupying my brain time so much so i can finish these fucking dune books and then do yet another newsflesh reread. it's almost time. i'm itching. i can feel it.
hey George, check this out-
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mariaace · 8 months ago
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Exams over. I think I'll get around 78/100 and 80/100 on them. And i hate my dad sm ugh
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a-victorian-girl · 1 year ago
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hi,
yes, i am still mad.
yes, still because of the same thing.
no, i am not mad at you.
You and me, two pissed friends. How cute… 🔥
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bettabastard · 6 months ago
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I'm going to commit homicide :)
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theclearblue · 7 months ago
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Shocking development. I got pulled over and ticketed for the expired tabs I've been screaming begging crying to my father to renew for the past 7 months. Nobody could of foreseen this. More at 6.
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bakumanfaces · 1 year ago
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I can't believe my own father cockblocked me!
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theradicalace · 2 years ago
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this dude in the break room has taken "playing videos out loud with no headphones" to the next level he is literally watching a movie with a bluetooth speaker
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fendergender · 2 years ago
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NOT fucking 3 years passing between the last episode and the elementary finale......spn has nothing on this fanfiction gap 🥴🤧😩
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ba-na-nes · 2 months ago
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Δεν χρειαζόταν η υπενθύμιση, κάτι κατάλαβα
No one is too busy. You're just not a priority.
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demigods-posts · 3 months ago
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headcanon that percy stays ready to clock the minotaur. this man would pause his lunch break to give this bull it's horn a third time. this man would dehydrate for two days if it meant he could murk this bull at the end of it. this man's beef with this walking beef is so grandeur. it was the first monster he killed the moment the battle of mamhattan began. this is one of percy's consistent bloodlust moments and no one will ever fault him for it.
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zagreusboon · 9 months ago
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This man really said he hopes it floods so that we have to live in a hotel for a long time
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stlangels · 10 months ago
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Any trans women want to take my boobs
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