#/lies face-down on floor and ugly cries

[feekins]

ok but teen Nai only calling Conrad "Doctor" as a means of keeping his distance...only for it to slowly become a term of endearment 🥺

[r0ttenhearts]

as we’re meant to be

scaramouche x reader (high school au))

sypnosis: scaramouche reminisces on the last conversation he had with you

warnings: angst, no comfort, mean scara, mentions of drugs, nsfw themes mentioned

“stupid fucking girl.” scaramouche seethed, his hands pushing against your shoulders, back hitting the cool concrete wall behind you. you sat quietly under his gaze, his anger flickering in his eyes.

“you don’t want to talk now? hm?” cold fingers gripped your chin as you stared up at him blankly.

“there’s nothing to say.” you mumbled as he loosened his grip on you.

anxiety bubbled in the pit of scaramouche’s stomach. no, this wasn’t how it went. this didn’t happen. you didn’t react this way before:

scaramouche took a step back, staring at your? form.

“this isn’t what happened.”

“you’re right, it’s not.” you replied stoically.

memories of what really happened flashed in his mind. your tears, his angry words, the look of defeat you gave him as he left you sitting there.

“you love me? how fucking sad. i don’t even think about you.” scaramouche spat as you wept in front of him.

your fists were balling up the sundress you had decided to wear that hot summer day, gripping the soft fabric tightly beneath your fingers.

“i said i’d always wait for you scaramouche, i meant that. i know it’s not your thing to be close to people but, we’re different. we click, you even told me that yourself!” you cried out.

scaramouche grit his teeth, remembering the words he had told you when you were both on a substance and not completely yourselves.

“i lied. i don’t feel anything for you. you’re more of a pest, if anything.” he sneered.

“but you said-“

“STUPID fucking girl!” your back hit the wall so suddenly, you stared up at him in shock, and fear? it was an expression scaramouche had never seen before.

“you’re fucking nothing to me. everything we’ve had together was because i was using you, don’t you get that? i was bored. i didn’t feel anything, i didn’t mean anything i said. i only said it to get you on your knees.”

shame bubbled in the pit of your stomach as you remembered the things you had done with him. you had given him many of your firsts, while he was experienced.

as he shook your shoulders, rambling about how much he never felt anything for the intimate moments you shared, you felt something inside of you break.

like a glass table that was always on the verge of breaking. the glass had now shattered, every hope in it staying together was on the floor with the shards of glass.

something in you dulled, your expression now blank as tears rolled down your cheeks. you had made yourself ugly for a boy that never thought of holding you in a way he truly meant. you had ruined yourself for a boy that wouldn’t even hold your hand.

“you don’t want to talk now? hm?” cold fingers gripped your chin as you stared up at him blankly.

“you’re right.” you said stoically.

scaramouche scoffed, “i’m right? of course i know i’m right.”

“as we’re meant to be..” you mumbled.

“speak up!” scaramouche shouted, his nails now digging into your shoulders.

“i’ll leave you alone. let’s just go back to how we were meant to be. i’ll never speak to you again.”

scaramouche laughed loudly at this, his head thrown back as he cackled in front of you.

“we’ll see about that. i’m sure you’ll come running right back.” he spoke, his back now to you as he reached for his backpack that was previously discarded on the floor.

he left you sitting there in your sundress, only looking back once he was sure you couldn’t see him. that same expression was still on your face as you gently picked your bag up, walking the opposite way of his direction.

that would be the last time he ever saw you. and now you haunted his dreams. that white sundress, that conversation.

your face that seemed to distort more and more as the years went on. it had been five summers since he’d seen you. but sometimes he swore he saw you in passing.

taglist: @samarill @sakiimeo @astrolomona @dearsumire @saeism @shoheartluv @0kauy @lelemnh @aqualesha @msdevilis @linkookie197 @beriiov @xiaonscaraswife @foxlover1144 @gh0sts0up @darliingyu @magica-ren @scara6 @Maxineslair @jihyuniepark @atanukileaf @kenmabfasf @somatchajade

[gh0stswh0re]

cockwarming with ghost

warnings: f! reader, mentions of injuries + physical pain (improper treatment of said injuries), mild somnophilia, manhandling, cockwarming, m! cries, very brief mentions of marriage, literally one line of a breeding kink

a/n: 1,5k words, writing time of 3 hours

it was a routine at this point – the regular, daily routine he'd always put you through – coming home late; his steps echoing throughout the apartment, the heavy combat boots sinking down onto the wooden floor with each weary step – he'd try to keep quiet, to not wake you up, but he was tired - too tired to notice how loud his heavy stomping actually was. if any luck is on his side, he'll manage to drop his keys somewhere in the process – just fucking great he'd think to himself, physically cringing as the metal hit the floor.

he'd start undressing before he even made it to the bathroom – hot strings of pain shooting up his spine, jolting his muscles as he pulled his shirt over his head – it was covered in dust, soaked in blood and sweat.

he'd turn around - facing the mirror as he inspected the freshly made wounds up close; maybe it was a bruise, a scratch, a cut, or perhaps a bullet grazed the soft tissue of his shoulder blade - recently he even made a habit of returning from the battlefield with burns scattered over his skin – it was whatever, really - any wound you could ever think of, he already came home with it at least once.

after a while – after he's already placed a damp, wet cloth over the scratched, bruised skin; cleaning off the blood clumps which formed at the red, burning surface of it – he'd notice your clumsy steps making their way to the bathroom – fuck, he had no intention of waking you up. you already don't sleep enough – waiting for him for hours on end every single night.

you'd lean against the door frame, watching him through half-lidded eyes as your head fell to the side. "it's not as bad as it looks" is a regular excuse of his – he really ought to get more original with his words.

but how could you not notice it - how his heartbeat thrummed in his fingertips as he carefully brushed against the injured skin - how his eyes shut closed each time he'd make the wrong move, and how he hissed when putting a new shirt on?

sex was the other part of the conventional routine – he'll always walk toward you, quickly closing the distance; picking you up, and carrying you around as if you weighed nothing.

dipping his head down to kiss you, his needy tongue slips inside your mouth as his lips sealed around yours and he practically swallows your whimpers with that fever, undying desire that burns deep inside, completely endowing him.

laying you down on the bed or tossing you around as he pleased – it was his choice entirely, as your very existence borderlines on his mercy.

he worries he's tainting you, all of you, - leaving a perverted, everlasting mark of his touch on your soul each time you present yourself - bare and naked - in front of him, and he fucks into you, stretching the tight, warm walls of your cunt, splitting open your core. as he silences your vulgar, nasty moans each time he claims your lips in a frantic kiss, and you rank your digits through his hair, nails scratching down his bare neck.

it just helps him calm down, cut loose for a bit – something that's hardly achievable for those in command, the men responsible for dozens of lives. it lifts some of the weight that lies on his shoulders and filters out all the shit he's put through every day.

it's as if he's suffocating throughout the day – drowning – and then you breathe the life back into his lungs with each kiss.

as if all the pain flees from his body the very moment you touch him – your hand brushing against his back, fingers playfully running over his shoulders before you start working on the ugly knots tied deep inside his muscles. he takes one of your hands into his own, bringing your palm flat against the side of his face, slowly nuzzling his head into your soft skin – his eyes looking up to yours for just a split moment before you hug him – fully embracing him in your tender, ever so loving touch.

he needs this – this part of the routine that you quietly established without ever saying a word – he craves it, but you decided to break the torturous pattern of the repeating cycle – he'd always pull out after feeling his dick grow limp inside you, but tonight you stopped him – "can we stay like this- just for a minute?" – it was a shy request, and the uncertainty of your voice made your lips tremble. but you notice his gaze softening, as his dark eyes found yours – if you didn't know any better you'd dare to say you caught him off guard – he nodded gently, before he readjusted himself, so he'd be laying on top of you a bit more comfortably; still careful not to crush you – he was always cautious of it, no matter how many times you told him to relax, reassured him he's not going to hurt you.

except that minute turned into two, and then those two turned into five, and then an hour passed by. you already dozed off - barely drifting in and out of your sleepy state, when he'd softly whisper your name, nuzzling hand against your cheek, caressing the delicate skin. 

he'd change positions – so that you were laying on your side, with your back pressed against his bare chest – without saying a word. you didn't ever need to – sometimes you wondered if not only has he been reading your thoughts, but also planting some of them inside your mind.

he'd press his face into the side of your neck, smelling your scent as the drowsy sensation of arousal spread from his abdomen – weary breaths from the depths of his chest wracking his ribs – his throat bobbing each time he swallowed - his heart beating quicker each second, pumping his veins full of adrenaline. fuck, he's getting hard again.

he'd start pressing his body even closer to yours, unknowingly rolling his hips against you – subconsciously chasing the pleasure. his muscles growing weak - each movement malfunctioning, failing mid-synapse, despite his pathetic thrusting being barely noticeable – he just couldn't risk losing how close he was to you. 

you'd knead the silky sheets between your fingers, as the misty moonlight fully awakened you. "didn't wanna wake you up, darling" his voice was muffled against your bare flesh, his hot breath tingling your skin. "-'s okay" the sweetness of your tone rang in his ears – as if your words hung in the air, messing with its molecules, for a little while at least – before your moans drowned out any remaining sounds, as the wetness dripped from the slit of your cunt down your thighs.

he'd sneak one of his arms around your side, entangling his fingers with yours as he held his hand flat against your chest – wrapping you up in the welcoming, familiar sense of safety that his embrace brought.

he'd press his face even further, harder into your neck – muffling his groaning as the ecstasy numbed every nerve in his body.

his composure is seeping away from him – his hips losing any and all rhythm, as he savagely, ferociously bucks even harder into you -  the burning sensation of him nearly hitting your womb mixed with the anticipation growing in your belly - the warm, fuzzy feeling of your orgasm building up overtaking your body.

suddenly, you'd feel it – the warm tears, which crept by the corners of his tightly shut eyes, falling onto your skin – he was quietly weeping, his breath hitching in his throat.

"wanna marry you" he confessed. "put a baby in you" he blurted the words out.

"you'd let me do it, wouldn't you?" you silently hummed – your chest tightening, preventing the oxygen from entering your lungs. you couldn't fathom the actual weight, and importance that his words held – you couldn't even make up a half-assed reply without it breaking down at the second syllable – anything you'd say right now would be incoherent, wailing nonsense – no doubt about it.

the pure bliss numbed your mind and set your skin ablaze. the worst – best thing about it? the pleasure always hit you in waves – just when you thought it couldn't get any more intense, just as you feared your body might break, shut down completely - just as you thought he couldn't slam his cock any deeper in you ... it always happened, he always found a way – whether it was by lifting your leg up or quickly tossing you around or applying some extra pressure on your swollen, sensitive clit – he always managed to do it – pushing you even further into the hysteric pleasure, making your vision momentarily fade to black.

"say it" he demanded, his voice harsh and raw, simmering with frustration. "tell me you'd let me".

[hungryforjay]

escape 𖥔 nishimura riki

[g angsty, bsf riki (or smthn more??]

𖥔 tw ‘murder’ | i was thinking of making this a series/chapter thing but i can’t commit to anything for shit

˗ˏˋ 𓅰 ˎˊ˗

Lights out at ten. You can find yourself under the covers or under the unforgiving back of a calloused hand. Y/n knew better. Never talk back to the headmistress, never hunch around the headmistress, never look at the headmistress…Y/n knew better. But when push comes to shove, Y/n found themselves slick like the lies slithered off their tongue.

“And why are you out of bed at this hour, might I ask?” The headmistress croaked, her wrinkled arm bearing an oil lamp that’s flame flickered her ugly face in and out of sight.

You jutted your chin out, feigning confidence as you stood tall, eyes narrowed elsewhere than the latter’s eyes.

This is it.

Your fingers curled into a tighter fist, nails grinding against your rough skin. A knot twisted in your abdomen the moment you locked eyes with Riki—Riki who lurked in the shadows with nothing but a hammer in hand and a mischievous glint shimmering in his pupils.

This is it.

The other twelve kids enslaved in the school are huddled by the front door, legs bouncing in anticipation and a will instilled by anxiety induced fear. They’re just waiting for Y/n’s go.

“I asked you a question, L/n.” The headmistress stepped closer, the floorboard creaking under her foot as she thrusted the oil lamp further in your face.

The floorboard groaned again as you lost your footing, tripping backwards and nearly slamming into the wall. Shit.

“Uh…” Your voice trembled, hands trembling alike as they flimsily snaked their way up to your red face.

You made eye contact with Riki again. The hammer he held was lifted high above his head now. Everyone’s just waiting for your go.

“Uh…”

Your time in this space will remain anything but nostalgic. Cold mornings spent under thin brown sheets, decades old dust infiltrating your lungs with each breath, oatmeal for breakfast and beatings for lunch—none of it deserves to be a memory.

The only moments to bare themselves in the split second of your hesitancy all included Riki. Riki who wiped your tears, who snuck around the hallways on late nights and found an empty spot next to you in bed, who slid you his meal portions when your stomach cried.

To remember that you’d have to remember the beatings, the sleepless nights, the struggle to maintain a good relationship with food. There’s so many things you want to remember but want to forget. To remember the good is to remember the bad.

You’ll always remember this. Seeing Riki in a light you’ve never seen him in before, sweat matting his hair and trickling down the scratched paint on the hammer, the scary look in his eye, his pursed lips. You’ll always remember this. Will this be the good or the bad?

The headmistress moved closer upon your silence, her eyes dim with something you wished you didn’t recognize. Your heartbeat reached your ears as she lifted her hand, and in that second your words slipped.

“N-now!”

The hammer hit the back of the headmistress’s head with a crack. The body plummeted to the floor in one big drop, her head falling by your feet and a line of blood oozing from her scalp made you shriek. The alarms went off—the front door was opened—the other kids were escaping safely and you needed to join them, yet you stood there frozen with the aftermath of your actions.

She was dead. The headmistress was dead. Riki was shouting something at you, not loud enough to hear over the alarm bells, but you just stared at an old lady’s lifeless body slack beneath you in regret.

There’s nothing to regret about this. Escape. Your mind pleaded with you. Escape. Escape.

Riki grabbed your forearm and yanked you down the hallway, leading you to escape with the others who were more than likely halfway down the escape route. His hold on you nearly slipped, his fingers were coated in sweat and it reminded you that you weren’t the one who actually did it. Riki did it.

He’s far more braver than you’ll ever be, murdering an abuser who did nothing but suck the life out of the youth who resided.

All you did was stutter a measly fucking ‘Now’.

Your breath hitched as you reached the bottom of the staircase, and the next breath was a crushing sob. Alerted, Riki whipped his head towards you with eyes wide as saucers.

“W-what are you okay? What’s the matter are you hurt?” The door was just a few inches away but he halted, his hands snaking around your jaw as his eyes searched your every part, your every limb.

Another sob wracked your body upon his touch. It hurts, it hurts. His care hurt. The police sirens sounded in the distance. Riki’s eyes shifted behind you, the red and blue lights flashing from the back door. He dropped his hands in favor of grabbing yours and dragged you out the front door.

“We’ll be okay.” You heard him whisper through the wind blocking your ears, through the crunch of the dead grass.

“We’ll be okay.”

[mars-wuz-herez]

What once....was...mine....

Suggestion #1

His coat lies outside on the floor. Infinite is dead. Sonic is finally free. 

But he can't celebrate.

Sonic turns to face Shadow who is currently laying on the floor, bleeding.

“Nonononono. Shadow?”

Sonic lifts Shadow's head on his lap. Shadow coughs a few times, before his head turns. Sonic grabs his cheek and turns it towards him.

“Look at me. Look at me. I'm right here, don't go stay with me Shadow please!”

Sonic grabs Shadow's hands and puts them on his quills and starts singing, faster than normal, voice breaking as he sings

“Flowers gleam and glow. L-Let your power shine. Why isn't this working? Please work!”

“Hey” Shadow weakly says but Sonic ignores him and continues singing

“Make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine”

“Sonic”

The blue hedgehog looks at Shadow, tears in his eyes.

“You were my new dream….”

Sonic laughs tears now streaming down his cheeks. His hand squeezes Shadows.

“And you were mine”

Shadow smiles, closes his eyes and takes his last breath.

Sonic doesn't move. ‘He died’ he thinks, ‘All because of me’. He cups Shadow's cheeks and continues singing. As he is singing, memories of their adventure play out. Them visiting the Ugly duckling, Sonic singing and Shadow covering his face in embarrassment when really he was hiding his blush and smile. Memory of them barely escaping the guards, memory of them Shadow visibly freaked out when Sonic showed him his powers. (That was a funny one). And then his favorite memory of them all. Both of them on a boat watching the lanterns as they lit up the sky. Sonic remembers taking a glance at Shadow and thinking how beautiful he was. How there was no other place he wanted to be, how he wished that this moment would never end. He was thought about how much he wanted to…

to…

but it was too late now. Shadow is dead. Sonic’s powers are no longer useful. He is no longer useful.

He puts their foreheads together and sings the final verse to the song.

“...what once was mine.”

Then he finally allows himself to cry. He cries and cries while mumbling apologies to the hedgehog on his lap

“I’m so sorry, Shadow. I should've done more to help you. This is….all my fault. I'm so sorry”

As he cries he doesn't notice a tear fall on the others cheek. That tear stays there for a minute before disappearing leaving a glowing flower. 

Sonic almost doesn't notice the bright light coming out of Shadow. The blue light dances in the air and the bright light coming from Shadow gets brighter and brighter. It forms the flower, the 

sundrop flower. Sonic watches as the blood from Shadow's shirt disappears. Then just as the light appears, it all disappears into Shadow. 

Sonic looks at his wound. It's gone! He looks back at Shadow hoping that this could've healed him.

“please…”

For a moment Shadow’s movement remain still. Then he opens one eye. Then another

“S-Sonic?”

Sonic gasps.

“Shadow?”

“Did uh…did I ever tell you I have a thing for blue hedgehogs?”

Sonic laughs and lunges himself into a hug almost falling on the floor. Shadow cathces him and hugs him back, burying his face into the others shoulder. They stay like that for a while. 

Sonic pulls away from the hug and faces Shadow. Before Shadow could speak Sonic closes the gap between them and their lips connect. Shadow returns the kiss. As they are kissing, tears stream down Sonic’s face. 

But these aren't sad tears. 

These are tears of joy.

He's happy because he's able to do the one thing he thought he would never get to do.

He's happy because the love of his life is alive.

The End

Thanks for reading!

If you have any suggestions you would like me to write, feel free to leave a comment here or in my inbox!

Metions

@clarastarpop

[elmundodeflor]

“What if we lived together?”

The first time they think about it, Levi has made them laugh. Someone had killed Sawney and Bean, and they have been crying all morning. It felt like nobody understood, how important they actually were to get a figment of truth. So many comrades were put through the worst of risks, just to capture them alive, it made them buzz with rage, too.

“Your face looks stupid.”, Levi tells them, instead. And he’s right. Their eyes are puffy, to the point they can barely open them. He would have made a joke, if it wasn’t because he’s only a bit concerned. “Now are you gonna sit around whining like a baby all day or what?”

Hanji cleans their tears off with the sleeves of their jacket. It’s not a nice image; their nose is red, and the fabric ends up stained with a splotch of wetness and snot. Levi has the immediate urge to turn his head the other way, but then hands them his pocket cravat, anyways.

“If you’re not gonna be of help, just go, okay?”, they say, with their tone tired and their voice rough. They’re in their lab, where they’ve locked themselves after hearing the news. The place’s a mess; like a tornado’s turned it on its axis. There are papers ruffled, thrown upon the floor; books taken out of their shelves, piled up on the desk. To Levi, it doesn’t take long to figure out it was them; their wild, seeking for liberation during breakfast time.

“If you want me to help, then move your ass out to the diner.”, he sits down next to them; his back against the wall. Hanji’s knees are flexed, pulled towards their chest, and they’re crying again besides him. “You’re an ugly crier, you know that, right?”, he speaks once more.

They raise a brow at him. There’s a softness that lies within his words that makes them perk their head up, stare deep into his irises. As if he’d wanted to comfort them in that own, unique way of his. It’s not like he’s completely wrong, either, though. They’ve seen it. Petra cries beautifully, like tears are snowflakes melting on their cheeks. But theirs are snowstorms, somewhat similar to acid rain. They’re not careful, or pretty, or delicate. Their heart’s too emotional, and it burns like fire. After all, they have always been too quick to let their impulses show the worst of them.

Levi sighs.

“You’d look less stupid if you smiled.”, he says. And then, he does something that makes Hanji freeze with shock. He inches up closer, like he’s calculating his moves, and places down his fingers at the corners of their mouth. It’s a gesture that’s too intimate, even for a guy that’s stuck-up like him. Still, it gets the job done. “See?”, he adds, when a genuine, whole-hearted laugh bursts out of Hanji. “There you go.”

“What if we lived together?”

The second time, it’s a late autumn night. They have suggested it, though only vaguely. “There’s so much we could do inside…!”, they’d said, on a frantic whim, earlier on that day. It was a gentle vision to latch onto, if they were honest; to play family like that. They would knit mittens for the kids before winter, and Levi’d keep the place warm— brew them his best tea.

“Would you rather…”, they ask him now. They’re lying in bed; his head on their stomach, their hands on his hair. The wooden cabin they’re staying at is small, yet cozy, with enough room for everybody. “Read people’s minds, or… be able to fly…?”

Levi shrugs. The ODM is pretty similar to flying, he guesses. Still, it’s not like he ever enjoyed getting involved in other people’s business, either way.

“Fly.”, he says, short and sweet. And Hanji hums, content. Maybe, because they knew that that would be his answer.

“Hm.”, they tug at black locks; fingers lost amidst his scalp. They’re staring at the ceiling, dressed in his sweatshirt and pajama pants. For a moment, they can pretend that this is all there ever was, if only. They’d tell bed-time stories to the children, about heroes and monsters. But it’d be just fiction, and there’d be no need to make wishes to the stars. “If you could fly somewhere, then, where would you go?”

Levi thinks about it for a second. He’d heard Armin talk, about the content in his books. Lands of fire, where sand would reach beyond sight. Snowed mountains, where earth seemed covered by frozen white. The ocean; an infinite mass of salt-water that touched past the further horizons.

He had always been curious about that one.

“The beach.”

Hanji closes their eyes. They can frame the picture, even when tirelessly awaken. They have a wide, two-floored house near the shore, with a white fence and a porch. They’re not on the run anymore; Titans nothing but a memory that fades with the foam.

It’d be wholesome, they think. They could have rooms for each the kids, let them decorate the walls however they pleased. Levi’d nag them about it, for being too messy or unclean. Then they’d brush it off over home-made lunch, sit outside to watch the waves.

“Aye, idiot.”, they whisper. And they can listen; their voice melting off to the sounds of the sea. Like they’re there already; with sun in their hair and sand on their feet. “Tell me something nice.”

Levi keeps quiet, probably a minute or two. He’d never been a man of word, but he can sense it, too. Sasha’d spend the day fishing, bring in weird creatures to cook. Armin’d collect sea-shells on the shore, maybe keep them between the pages of a book. And he’d sweep the floors while humming, sit by the window to breathe in the view.

“You could put your knitting skills to use.”, he complies, finally. Outside, the word sits silent, only the night to guard this conversation. “It’s getting cold as fuck.”

“What if we lived together?”

The third time, they actually speak it. Fearless. Aloud. Like the words have bloomed out of them before they could choke down the feeling.

Maybe, it’s because Levi sleeps, and there’s no chance he can hear their thoughts. Maybe, it’s because it’s danger— thinking like they do. But there’s some sense of safety in talking truths when no one listens.

“It’d be nice, huh?”, they whisper, more to themselves than anybody. They’d dreamed about it, really. Clutched desire to their heart like it was specs of golden. It was the beach, first. But now it didn’t even matter. It could be the mountains of white snow, the endless sandy dessert. Or right here, at the forest. They’d wear the plaid-shirts Levi hated, then he’d take them off, shut them up between kisses and jokes. He’d make them his in the bed they’d share, too; their mornings filled with the smell of pine and burnt log.

“If we run and hide like this… where would that get us?”, he says, barely minutes after. And he’s right again. He always is, Hanji’s sure. They’re a fierce dreamer, indeed. Someone who’d wish hard, with every fragment of their soul. Yet, they also know, they can’t abandon their wild— the raw nature that’s in them to see light in this world.

“Oh…”, they bit their lip, sharp until it stings. Blood burns in their cheeks, has tinted pink the tip of their nose. “You did hear me, after all…”

Levi nods, and takes a look at the hand that hurts. He’s too tired, or too scared to ever dare talk. So, instead, he stares; his eye clung to Hanji’s, with the intensity of a thousand colored fireworks. Truth is, he does want the same as them, after all. The poppy garden, the greenery, a tea-shop. But isn’t it too late to ask now? Isn’t tranquility a price that soldiers like them can’t afford?

“Hanji…”, his voice cracks at the words. A tear’s falling down their face, followed by one and then another. It’s not the ugly cry from the years before, where their sobs would resemble a loud, broken water-pipe. Now, it’s all hushed, quiet; like tear-tracks are stars against the dark of their lashes.

The realization of it doesn’t make him smile, though.

Isn’t it too late now, to confess such a thing? Isn’t love the worst of curses in times of war?

It is.

It is.

It’s too late now.

[glorious-spoon]

69 and Steddie for the Spotify wrapped fic meme 😊

Thank you! Number 69 this year was Holy Diver, by Dio.

down too long in the midnight sea

Post-canon, pre-relationship, hurt/comfort.

1000 words

-

It takes him a long time to surface. For what feels like an endless eon he drifts alone in icy darkness. Drowning, he feels like he's drowning. He remembers the taste of blood on his tongue, and he remembers that he's so cold.

He remembers that he was afraid, or is afraid, but he doesn't remember why.

Warm fingers slip into his hand, a shocking contrast to the chill flooding his body. There are voices overhead, but they belong to the world of the surface, whatever lies above the icy depths where he's currently drowning.

He can feel the warmth of that hand, though. He clings to it as he slips back down.

*

There's pain. There's so much pain, and his body aches, and his lungs ache, and he can't breathe, he can't breathe—

Voices above him, loud. A high thin mechanical wail. There are no warm fingers touching him now. Only metal and cold, sharp pain like—

—teeth—

He reaches out, twisting, grasping in the darkness. Clawing desperately for that remembered warmth.

"Eddie, hey, you gotta stop—" someone says, and he knows that voice, he does, but before he can attach a name to it, he's sinking again, drowning, gone.

*

Warmth. Not just in his fingers this time, although he can feel that someone is holding his hand. A thumb slides absently back and forth across the back of his knuckles, a slow, repetitive movement that Eddie holds on to as he rises up through the layers of dark water toward that warmth and light.

It's light where he is. He can tell that now, even with his eyes closed. He has eyes. He has a body, and it's lying on something soft, and there's a blanket pulled over him. He hurts everywhere, but the pain feels distant right now. Muffled somehow. Like his brain has been wrapped in cotton batting to protect against sharp edges.

They must have me on the good shit, he thinks, and it's the first coherent thought that he can remember having. Hospital. He's in the hospital; he must be. The last thing he remembers is lying in the cold dirt of the Upside Down while Dustin Henderson held him and cried. In that dark blank space after he lost consciousness, someone must have gotten him out.

He's alive. Against all expectations, he's alive.

His eyes feel like they're glued shut, but he blinks twice, wincing, and they finally open. There's a blurry hospital room, filled with diffuse light from a curtained window somewhere to the left. somewhere beyond the other wall he can hear footsteps, voices. Closer by is a monitor, an IV pole with a bag of clear fluid feeding down into a needle taped to his arm. He slides his tongue against his teeth; his mouth tastes metallic and foul. Then, slowly and painfully, he rolls his head toward the person sitting next to his bed and holding his hand.

He was expecting Wayne, but instead it's Steve Harrington slumped in a shitty hospital chair, elbow resting on the edge of the mattress, fingers loosely tangled with Eddie's. He's looking down at a book braced on his knee, lips moving like he's reading silently, so Eddie has a moment to stare at him unobserved. He's in clean clothes, his hair styled, his bruises fading to an ugly yellowish-green. He looks--well, he looks good. Even after he got dragged through hell backwards and almost eaten alive he still looked upsettingly good. But Eddie has no fucking clue what he's doing here. Out of people he'd reasonably expect to find languishing at his bedside, Steve Harrington is so far down the list that Eddie wouldn't even think to include his name.

Steve lifts his head. He takes a second, but Eddie watches the realization dawn on his face, the near-comical expression of shock. He straightens up, the book tumbling forgotten to the floor. "Hey! Oh, shit, okay, you're actually awake this time. Right?"

"Evidently," Eddie rasps. He licks his lips "What… happened? Wayne?"

"Yeah, we made him go home and get some sleep. He's been here for like three days straight--he's gonna be so pissed off you woke up while he was gone."

"Oh." Eddie's eyes slide shut again like there are weights attached to them. He blinks hard and forces them open again. "Okay? Is--everyone—?"

"Yeah, everybody's--well, okay, Max is on crutches, and Carver, like, tried to kick Sinclair's ass, but he's just got a black eye, and Robin sprained her ankle, but—" he breaks off and takes a deep shuddering breath, raking his hair out of his face with the hand not still holding Eddie's. He still hasn't let go. "Everybody made it out alive."

"Even me," Eddie whispers.

Steve's expression does something painful and complicated-looking, and then he smiles. "Yeah. Even you. Henderson is so pissed off at you, by the way."

Eddie huffs a thready laugh. "Figures."

"I should probably, um. Probably let the doctors know you're awake." Now he goes to disentangle his fingers from Eddie's. Eddie grabs for him. Or tries to, anyway; it ends up more as a pathetic sort of flopping movement. Steve stills. "Eddie?"

"Just." His mouth feels clumsy, his head fuzzy; he doesn't know how to say, please just hold on a little longer, this was the only thing that felt real this whole time. He doesn't even know if it was Steve holding his hand this whole time. Probably not. But Steve is the one who's here now, waiting here just so Eddie doesn't have to wake up alone. "Can you just. Stay. For like. A second. Please."

Steve blinks at him for a moment. Then he lets out a soft noise, almost a laugh, and nods. He picks up Eddie's hand, very deliberately, and glances up at him like he's monitoring his reaction. 

"Okay," he whispers, squeezing Eddie's palm between both of his. His hands are so warm. "Okay. Just for a minute."

"Thank you," Eddie mumbles, and lets his eyes slip shut. The darkness is still there, still cold, but now Eddie knows that he's got someone here to pull him back up.

"Yeah," Steve says quietly. And then, even quieter, "I'm really glad you're still with us."

"Mmhm," Eddie manages. And the world is fading again, but he can still feel that warmth as Steve keeps holding on.

[pchelik-please]

Remember my post about a character with not-so-bland-now backstory? Yeah, I wrote a thing about his nightmare.

He's on a concert, with his friends, his favorite singers are performing. He has never been so happy, really. He can hear one of his favorite songs starts playing, his hands up, cheering. Lights switch to a navy blue with white light patches in some places. People around him are happy and some are even crying from joy. But somewhere in the distance, in the furthest corner of a concert hall, he sees a stalker standing on its back legs. Its sharp teeth poking out its mouth, pristine white fur is covered in dark stains, and its eyes are looking right into him. They stare at each other. Sounds drown out. It drops on all four and slowly starts walking at him. He stumbles, looking at it in shock, absolutely terrified. People haven’t noticed it somehow, he wants to warn them but fear chokes him.

Then it starts speeding up. Snow is falling on the concert hall's floor, its surprisingly empty here now. His legs are moving as fast as possible. Lights flash brightly and its already right behind him. It's snowing even harder, Dorzo is trying to push himself away from it, but when he opens his eyes he is on his homeplanet, snow, small bushes and occasional hills are the same. The sky is cloudy and the sun is setting. He's getting colder and colder every second and minute. He know he can’t run from hit forever, he has to think of something, of a way to save himself from the beast.

There is a tall figure in the distance looking for something. His eyes grow wider once he recognizes that person. The same red hat, white pelt and jacket with the smallest violet embroidery. Dorzo's legs are getting weaker, his lungs are burning hot. He tries to scream, to warn his father about the stalker, but nothing comes out of his mouth except frantic coughing and irregular breathing. The ginormous beast behind him is getting faster and when they're running next to each other he wants to scream in terror, but he only stumbles slightly, trying to get away from it. He has to stop it, he has to save him, he has to prevent it all from happening again.

The stalker is outrunning him, Dorzo looks at it in horror. His father seemingly cant see the danger and is just waving to him, happy to see his son after a long day of work. Words cant escape his mouth, he wants to grab his father and protect him from the beast but he seemingly isn't getting any closer. Ground under his feet is moving but nothing else changes. Maybe if he tries harder, if he runs faster, if he screams louder he would be alive.

His cheeks are getting wetter and colder and he painfully falls face first into snow. His right leg hurts so much, he cries ugly tears, he tries to reach out...

But he's simply to late...

"PLEASE, GO AWAY! IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! DON'T DIE AGAIN, I BEGGING YOU!!! " he screams in his language.

But he can do nothing to save him and he cant even save himself from looking at it all happening.

The stalker lunges at his father, its claws already in his stomach and head and its giant sharp maws are biting into his father's flesh. His stretched out arm lies on the snow, his eyes wide open and tears streaming down his face.

The next moment he opens his eyes and sees his working tablet turned off and the table at his room. He fell asleep while filling out documents, again. He sits up straight and tries to wipe off his tears, but he looks down and sees his foot stuck under the wheel of his chair. Ah, so that's why it hurt so much in his dream. He stands up and stretches out, his nightmares are getting more vivid each time, Chi'ir would not be happy to know that. He also would not be happy to hear that Dorzo was filling out damn documents till 2 a.m. The catman is almost ten years younger than him and he's one of the best psychologists he ever met. That explains how he got there, honestly. He checks if the wheels haven't ran his tail fins over and, yeah, everything the same, nothing hurts, nothing swells up.

He turns off his desk lamp, takes off his shoes and gets his pajamas on. He will have to get his healthy 8 hour sleep in just 4 hours that are left.

Its the first time I publish my fic (???) in English somewhere else cus' its not my native language. I have a few more of approximately the same size and if you want I can upload them here too. So some info about the characters :

Dorzo, 34 y.o. , works as a doctor on a spaceship, doesn't have father (as you could have guessed), sleeps poorly.

Chi'ir, he's around 25 (I don't remember), is a psychologist on a said spaceship, catboy (literally), likes Gen from dr. Stone.

[dustyro0m]

Can I make a Jason x reader request

!!CANON DIVERGENT AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TITANS!!

Titans Jason Todd x jokers gn child reader. (Not explicitly stated though)

Angst at the start, and ambiguous ending. Can be seen as angst or fluff.

I have changed some things from the request to make it more suited to more audiences. I also didn't really understand the ask so I tried my best! I'm very sorry this took so long, school has been very hard these past few weeks...Thank you very much!

Warnings- mentions of murder, extreme sadness, guilt, anger, abuse, crying, and running away. (LMK if I’ve missed anything!!)

Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, this is proofread but if I have made any pronoun mistakes, or any other mistakes let me know and I will fix it! Just please be polite :D

...

Everything is supposed to be different now. Everything was perfect.

No more death, no more suffering, everything was...serene. There was a routine.

You were finally distanced from your father. No more was his name attached to yours. And Jason. With him it felt like the entire city was yours and his. No more pain, no more suffering no more guilt and regret.

But now it feels like how it was before you met Jason. Before everything changed.

You never really liked Hawk. You knew that he and Jason had quarreled in the past, and the way he looked at you when he found out that you and Jason were dating just sealed the deal. But he was a good person. He helped people. That made him good.

Never would you have expected Jason to have killed Hawk.

He remembers everything vividly. The look on his older 'brothers' face. How Dove cried. How everyone looked at him when he sobered up from the gas. He didn't have anyone to turn to but you.

You wiped the blood off of his face, and stayed with him through the long nights. You were mad at him but you sympathised. Cranes recipe was scary, no matter who was under it.

It feels like your whole world came crashing down around you. There wasn't supposed to be any more death. Not from you, and not from Jason.

He's not supposed to kill innocent people. Hank had a life, he helped people.

You werent neccesarily a good person. You fell in love with Jason Todd for example. And trying to take over Gotham would land you the moniker of being a not so good person. But you had one rule and that was to not kill good people. Your father had done that and you hate your father.

You had told Jason not to kill innocent people. He had this anger inside of him. The best way to describe it was a burning rage fuled by loneliness and regret. And he listened to you. He didn't kill anyone innocent. Which makes the recent news even more devastating.

You remember being around your father. Everytime you were around him you would get this feeling, like a deep rooted disgust that could never go away. It was a disgusting ugly feeling felt like liquid anger and revulsion mixing with shame and guilt pooling up to your chest and spilling out of you through your words and actions.

You thought you would never feel it with Jason. But as you look at his mask, discarded on the floor of your shared apartment you feel it again.

Disgust.

Revulsion.

Fear.

Shame.

Ashamed of your boyfriend. What a horrible feeling for a horrible situation. You loved Jason, and you told yourself (and him too) that your love for him was infinite. But why are you feeling shame now?

You pick up his mask silently. Equally as silently, you throw it to the ground.

Again, and again and again.

You hated scarecrow. You hated Hank, you hated Dawn. You hated Dick, Bruce, Gar, Rachel and Donna.

You hated Jason.

The mask lies in pieces at your feet as you feel regret wash over you.

Jason has extra masks, and he would easily forgive you just as you could easily lie about what happened to his mask. But all that anger that you felt subsides.

You pick up all the broken pieces and place them together in vain. Nothing would bring that mask back. Exhausted by your emotions, you throw the pieces away and slump into the couch.

Jason walks into the house as you're watching TV. He doesn't say anything to you and you don't say anything to him. He microwaves some crappy TV dinner and serves it to the both of you.

You study him as he eats. Sharp features that blend together softly. Piercing blue eyes that made your heart skip a beat. Big warm hands with prominent veins and prominent scars.

All features that made you feel giddy. You can feel the giddiness fade away as you look at him now.

After dinner, he goes to take a shower.

It feels like staying in this house with him is sufficating you. It feels like he himself is wrapping his hands around your neck, and squeezing and squeezing.

Is this the life you wanted? Is how you want to spend the rest of your time with Jason? Angry, confused, guilty, shameful?

You decide you’re going to leave. You’ll stay with Dick for a bit, maybe Donna, or even Bruce if worst comes to worst. But just away from here.

Jason passes out at 11.PM on days where he doesn’t patrol. He’s completely wiped out as you pack up your bags. Clothes, burner phones and cables are all tossed into your duffel.

You bought this house with him. It took a long time and you still remember moving in with him. How he held you up to the high ceilings to change the light bulbs, how you and him spend afternoons shopping for furniture. How it felt so surreal that you and him made a house a home.

And now you were leaving it all behind.

You send Dick a quick text asking him to pick you up soon. He responds quickly with no questions. You appreciate that. Just thirty minutes and then you’re going to be gone from here.

Regret swirls in your stomach as you watch Jason sleep. But you push it aside. You know what you want. You’re going to try your hardest to go through with this.

You close the door behind you as softly as you can. It clicks behind you and you let out a sigh. Your heart clenches as you walk to the door.

“Y/N? What are you-”

He wipes wipes the sleep from his eyes, confusedly. His eyes flicker down to your duffel bag and your hand on the door.

“Jason…I’m sorry, I can’t…I don’t…” years start to sting in your eyes and streak down your face. Warm and hot, his face mirrors yours. You drop the bag, and before you know it your face is in his chest. Your arms wrap around each other and you both cry and cry and cry. It’s warm in his arms, and you haven’t hugged him in so, so long. It feels amazing.

“Stay. Please” he whispers.

You look him in the eyes, and you know what you're going to do.

[lowlyroach]

487) they know me best

And so I remembered

I am horrible

And a coward

And a beggar

And nothing

And so I fell out of my chair with grief

And curled up into a ball

And cried

And begged

And screamed

Until my voice was hoarse

Until tears coated from

My forehead to the ground

And mucus puddled beneath my face

Dripping from my nose

Any my eyes swelled shut

And my teeth chattered with tension

And fear struck me down

And a mountain sat on my back

And darkness tore at me with vicious shadows

Like the beaks of vultures

Picking at a corpse

And I remembered

What you told me

August 9th 2016

And what

Loaf told me

And what Blue told me

That I am

Horrible

And a coward

And what my best friend told me

That I am a piece of shit

And I'm just like mom

And what mom told me

That she could never love me

And I know

I know

That's why I'm on the floor begging

That's why I'm screaming and

Covering my head with my hands

My forehead to the ground

Talking to myself

Please someone love me

I'm sorry for running

I'm so sorry

For running

I did this to myself

So please come back

I did this

It's my fault

So please

I'm so sorry

I apologized

Does that make it alright?

I'll do anything

Please someone help me

I'll do anything

Please

Why do I have to beg

For love

I just want to feel electricity

What did I do?

I'm so sorry

For being undeserving

I'm sorry I did this

Why am I so clueless

And stupid

And full of such ugly love

And worthless

And a coward

Like a forest of ash

I am busted knuckles

And scarred wrists

And always making the wrong decisions

Please stop leaving me

I only wanted to hear your voice

For you to somehow know

And to call me

Tell me it'll be alright

That I am beautiful

That you love my eyes

To tell me what you told me that day

Even though it won't change anything

Even though this wretched love can't change anything

Love can't change anything

This love is worth nothing

Even though this grief puppets me

Even though you lied to me

That day

I shouldn't have read it

I'm so fucking sorry

For being this pattern of

Self destruction

The people who know me the most

Call me such awful things

They know me best, don't they?

Can anyone still love me?

Can I still love anyone else?

As I hear myself muttering

Telling me once again

"You're nothing"

You shouldn't-

Nobody should choose me

[cam-ryt]

@malectober day 13

Day 13 : Hell

Warnings : You know this will be angst. Also, mention of death.

______________________________________________________________

Magnus had been through hell many times during his long life. Both litteraly and metaphorically.

As a kid, first.

As a monster. Because that's what he was, right ? Too young to define himself other than through his mother's eyes.

That was the only thing he could see in the mirror for a long time.

Century after century he got used of people calling him names. He had learned to protect himself, to find his value, slowly. To find his place, even though people tried to make him believe that he didn't have one.

But he had one. Just like everybody else.

It had taken him a long time to find it. His perfect place. Just as he was about to give up.

« Of course you matter, Magnus. »

His perfect place was tall, dark and handsome.

His perfect place went to Hell and bring him back to marry him. He challenged anyone to do better than that.

Alexander Lightwood loved fiercely. He loved without conditions, with his whole heart and exposed himself so much that Magnus was the one feeling naked sometimes. The one that felt like he didn't deserve him.

But Alec's love was always strong enough to clear up his doubts.

So when he eventually died, Magnus felt once again out of place. Like when he was a kid, alone and scared. Useless and ugly. With nobody to held his face and tell him he was beautiful and worthy no matter what.

He fell back to his own personnal Hell, and he hit the ground harder than any fallen angel as he was himself falling from his paradise.

He had thought of going back to Edom or another dimension of Hell to raise enough power to bring Alec back from the dead. He had drawn the pentagram. He had recited the formula and seen the flames rise up before his eyes. He had taken a step forward.

A hand on his shoulder had stopped him.

« Magnus. Baby, please. Don't do that. »

Magnus had felt as if he had been stabbed directly in the heart.

That voice.

He had felt the air forced out of his lungs, his legs becoming weak. He had fell to the ground at one point. Again. He didn't know how he had found the strenght to raise his head.

His Alexander was there. He was exactly the same as in his memory. He had the same calm and gentle smile, the same steady posture, hands behind his back, the same sparkling blue eyes.

« How... ? »

Alexander had moved. He had kneeled next to him and he had held his face as he used to do whenever Magnus felt lost and helpless. The warlock had felt his heart broke a little more, if it were still possible.

« I miss you so much... » He had whispered and closed his eyes tightly, but the tears had still spilled down his cheeks.

« I miss you too. »

From then, Magnus had refused to open his eyes again. He had refused to let Alec go again. He had held him with all his strenght and determination. And Alec had held him back.

« You're not real. » He had said after a long, long time.

« I'm real here. » He had felt the warmth of his husband's palm against his chest, right on his heart.

« It's not enough. »

« I know. »

His cheeks were still wet, his eyes red and swollen. The portal to Hell was still burning. And they were still on the floor, holding on each other like a raft.

« I have to go. »

« No... » Magnus had dreaded these words. He had began to sob again.

Alec had gently wipped his face and placed a kiss under his eyes, then on his lips. It had felt like a dream. Except it was a nightmare.

« Please stay. » He had begged, but he already felt the body of his husband becoming inconsistent.

« I'm always here, Magnus. Always. Just don't forget me. »

« I'm never gonna forget you. » He was crying now, ugly and heartbreaking, desperate cries.

« Please stay alive for me. Alec's voice was just a whisper now. I love you so much. Stay away from Hell. »

Magnus could have lied, could have promised him. But he was already in Hell anyway.

[kpop-kitkat]

Don’t Leave Me | Do Hanse

pairing | boyfriend!do hanse x suicidal!f reader

genre/cw | suicide attempt, self harm, self hate, crying, blood, hurt comfort, mention of sex, mild language

wc | 1.2k

notes | if you are feeling suicidal, please talk to someone. taking your own life isn’t the answer, I promise you. this story is in no way glorying self hate and self harm, it’s basically only for hurt comfort, which I love writing. please find help, love you!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hated. Unloved. Ugly. Unworthy. Useless. Repulsing. Unwanted. These were all accurate descriptions of how Y/n felt. Of course, none of them were true, but some people in her life, especially her ex boyfriend, tricked her into believing the lies. 

For two years, after Y/n and Doheung’s breakup, Y/n was in a dark place. And the bigger problem was, she didn’t want to get out of it. But then, in her senior year of high school, she met Hanse. He was a light in her life, and helped her realize the truth. And recently, he had convinced her to move in with him. They loved each other and wouldn't have it any other way. Although, Hanse was an idol, which made their relationship difficult at times, but it was worth it to them.

Y/n sat on her and Hanse's shared bed and wrote down her thoughts, as faint music played from her iPhone and rain drops raced down the window. 

Soon enough, VICTON's Stupid O'Clock began to play. And it was a song Hanse wrote for Y/n after their 'first time'. She made him horny like crazy and he had to write about it. Of course ALICE and the members didn't know it was for her. They didn't even know she existed.

Y/n smiled as Hanse's part began to play.

Even if it's not my style

I can accommodate your Fantasy

So I make you crazy

This is my daily

Baby right, you come to me

I could burn myself everyday, Maybe

It will get hotter

When I splash

Till the break of dawn

You're gonna be obsessed

Every night, I'll be you, you'll be me

Then after burning in the dark again

You make me get up

And wake everyone up at the blissful dawn

At the speed determined by instinct 

Fill your night with me

Even after hearing the song one thousand times, it still made her feel things.

The next song that played was a piano piece without lyrics. She didn't even know the title of it, but it did have a sad, depressing sound. It caused all of these thoughts and memories to return. She subconsciously began looking for something sharp, but stopped herself.

 "What the hell am I doing," she asked herself, looking down at her shaking hands.

Her anxiety began to consume her as she paced back and forth.

 "Please come home Hanse, I need you," she whisper cried to herself. 

 She then fell to her knees and covered her face with her hands, trying to suppress her screams. This wasn't her first anxiety attack. In fact, the last one was a few months ago, and it ended up in her harming herself. From that day on, Hanse watched her like she was an infant. But today he had a meeting. It was important, and he couldn't stay home if he wanted to. 

The room felt as if it was darkening to Y/n. And as much as she tried to stop herself, there was always the "What if death is the quickest way out?". She began searching for a sharp thing and remembered that she had put a letter opener in the kitchen drawer. She rushed down the stairs and ignored the sound of a car pulling into the driveway.

Hanse was home.

She dove into the drawer with her hands and her eyes lit up when she found the wooden handle letter opener. She took a deep breath before slicing her wrist, causing a dangerously large amount of blood flow out of it and onto the white tiled kitchen floor. She stared at it with a bittersweet smile before getting dizzy and daunting from blood loss.

 Hanse stepped in through the door and was unaware of the situation, as she has fallen behind the kitchen counter, which was out of view from where he stood.

"Baby I'm home!" he announced, excited to see his girlfriend. He waited to be embraced and kissed by her, but she never came. He assumed she was busy with something at the moment.

He walked up the stairs and searched the whole second floor. Not in the bathroom, closet, studio, or bedroom. He then got slightly panicked because her phone was in the bedroom, and she was never far from her phone. Not on purpose. 

"Y/n!" he ran down the stairs and into the kitchen when he gasped at the sight before him. "Y/n!"

He ran and knelt down beside her critical state. He shuttered at all of the dark red blood splattered on the floor. He immediately put pressure on her wrist and called emergency services. He then held her close to him and rocked her back and forth as he waited for the ambulance.

 "Don't go... Don't go," he cried, tears freely flowing as he kissed her lips. "If you leave, I won't know what to do with my life," he said with a broken voice.

Sirens sounded in the distance.

~~~~~

 Hanse paced back and forth in front of the emergency room. He was alerted when there was a door opening and closing in the room she was in.

 "Is Y/n okay?" Hanse asked the nurse who was helping the emergency surgeon, hoping for a positive answer.

 The nurse smiled at him. "Your girlfriend is a lucky one. She barely survived the massive amount of blood loss, but she will live. You may see her if you'd like," he answered.

 "Thank you," he sighed, a huge smile of relief on his face.

 "You should be thanking Dr. Min. If it wasn't for her, your girlfriend may have not survived."

 Hanse bowed before walking into the room. Everyone left except for a female nurse who was removing an IV from Y/n's arm. She was still sleeping due to the anesthetic she had been given before the surgery.

 "I'll leave you two alone," the nurse bowed before exiting the room.

 Hanse went to the side of her bed and held her hand tightly, as if she would disappear if he let go. He leaned up and planted a kiss on her cheek and stroked her hair with his other hand.

"Why would you ever want to leave me?"

~~~~~

It had been three days since Y/n had the surgery, she still hadn't awakened. But still, Hanse waited.

Y/n opened her eyes and stretched like she had been asleep for years, but it was only three days. She looked over to see Hanse had fallen asleep while holding her hand.

"Hanse," she cooed, shaking his hand a little.

He opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of her being concious.

"You're awake," he smiled, resting his head on her lap. "Why did you do it?"

"I just wanted the pain to go away Hannie, I'm sorry," she teared up.

"No don't be sorry," he pouted, standing up from his seat to climb into the bed next to her and hug her. "I never should have left you."

"You had to Baby. It's not your fault. And I promise I won't do it again."

 "Okay. I'm holding you to that promise," he replied, smiling into her neck. "I love you. Don't ever leave me, okay?"

"Okay Love."

[nightowlfandom]

Kanato Sakamaki- I’m Sadistic For You

FINALLY SOMEONE REQUESTS DIABOLIK LOVERS CONTENT AAAAHHH THANK YOU BESTIE! I GOT YOUR OTHER ONE AND I’M DOING IT TOO!  

CHECKOUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!!

So ANON ASKS

For Kanato from DL ( I haven’t seen much done for him and it makes me sad because he’s a favorite ). (: I could Lowkey do some more if you’re not super bogged down I had another idea BUT I ALREADY SUBMITED ANOTHER BEFORE THIS SO IM NOT GONNA OVERWHELM YOU LOL but- anyway Fee free to be as nsfw with my prompts (if you do them) as you want. I dont have any triggers so- writing them super accurate and sadistic won’t bother me :3

Bruh....Jesus is my helmet...but NOT TODAY let’s fucking go! Okay readers, you heard, they aint got no triggers. So if you do...move it along.

52- “You can’t call me cute!”

80- “Shut up! I’m not blushing!”

31-“You need to be taught a lesson…”

81- “You look so...inviting all tied up.”

84- “What’s the word I’m looking for?....Pet!”

Also in this you and Yui are BFFs because she isn’t some cold hearted bitch (homegirl trips over oxygen, plus I love her lol)

I was legit about to have him spit in your mouth....I’m so shameful...maybe next time.

Leggo!

I’m turning into a Yandere account and I am totally okay with that.

...

“You know living here isn’t that bad.” you mused to Yui. “When no one is talking.”

Your friend laughed as she cut up some carrots. Yui turned to look at you as she prepare to peel some potatoes. “So living here is terrible every day other than right now?” she replied.

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing. She wasn’t wrong. 

You and Yui were making dinner for the house. After a ambush that landed everyone injured except you and her (thankfully). You had offered to make soup and stew for everyone. They were all in their respective rooms healing while you had prepared everything.

“They really fought hard today, I thought Kanato was about to rip that vampires jaw off. He’s really protective of you, Y/N.” she winked. “I think he likes you more than he lets on.” 

Kanato and you had a very strange relationship. He hated you, but he didn’t HATE you. No one could lay a finger on you, no one could even look at you, even if he said he didn’t care. Reiji tried to and Kanato almost murdered him.

“He then told me that Teddy said I was ugly.” you reminded her flatly. “Yeah he so cares.” you snorted.

“Maybe he has trouble telling you his feelings”

“I wish everyone was as optimistic as you.” you shook your head. “Looks like the soup is finished.” 

“I’m just saying Y/N, just think about it.”

...

You only had one bowl of soup left to deliver, to Kanato’s room. You grumbled as you stood outside the door. 

“Kanato? It’s me.” you knocked on the door. “I’m coming in okay?” 

Before you could wait for an answer you opened the door and walked in with the cart. 

Kanato was laying on his bed when you entered, groaning in what you assumed was boredom.

“Teddy, tell Y/N that I don’t want whatever she made.” Kanato turned away from you. The scars he had suffered on his back said it all. All for you...

Your recalled the terror in your voice as you had screamed for help as the rogue vampire wrapped his claws around your leg. Kanato’s name was the first to escape your lips as you had tried to crawl away to Yui. You remembered reaching out to Kanato with your strongest hand, begging him to save you.

The look in his eyes was feral as he screamed your name too, grabbing you hand and pulling you to him. You were sobbing into his chest, clutching onto him for dear life for a good ten seconds before Yui replaced him, hugging you tightly in her small arms too. Before you knew it, the rogue’s head had been thrown through a window...

...

“Y/N, Look at me! You’re safe now...you’re safe with me...”

...

“Teddy, could you please tell Kanato that while his pouting is very adorable, it won’t get him out of this?”

“Don’t call me cute! You can’t do that.” Kanato glared at you through hooded eyes. “If I wasn’t so weak I’d-”

“Well let me take care of you.” you cut him off, taking the bowl to him. “For me?”

Kanato paused, his glare softening. 

“You must be in love with me if you’re so insistent on me getting better.” he grumbled, sitting up. “Y/N is in love with me Teddy!”

“Kanato.” you felt your face heat up violently. “Don’t say things like that.” you groaned.

“It’s blushing teddy, how cute!”

Kanato’s use of the word ‘it’ wasn’t new to you. In fact when he wasn’t calling you names, chasing you around with forks pretending to stab you, or worse, it was denoting you to objects.

“H-hey! I am not blushing!” you pouted. “My face just looks that way.” you lied. “S-shut up.” you grumbled.

“And what if I don’t feel like it?” he challenged, knowing you wouldn’t say a word back. You were kind of like Yui. You wouldn’t dare challenge any of the Sakamaki brothers. It was a death sentence in every sense of the word.

“Kanato, I just want you to feel better.” you looked down at your feet. 

“There’s one thing you can do.” Kanato used his strength to stand to his feet. Despite his looks, he was tall, and under that cute exterior was a mean and feral beast. He staggered over to you, a sick smile on his face. That couldn’t be good, not by a long shot. 

“And what exactly would that be?” you asked. You couldn’t look at him. You didn’t wanna know what he was planning. You were positive that it wasn’t gonna end well either. 

“Get on your knees.”

“My knees?” you repeated. “Why do you want me to-”

“Now Y/N.” he spoke over you. You felt his hand on your shoulder. “I don’t like repeating myself.” his nails dug into your skin, causing your knees to wobble under the pain. “On. Your. Knees!”

Your feet gave out, practically sending you crashing down to the floor. You looked like a dog, on your hands and knees. You appeared weak and pathetic.

You found it in yourself to look up at Kanato. Teddy was perched on the bed, ‘watching’ you two. You felt his fingertips creep under your chin. 

“Aww...” he smiled. “You’re like a little...What’s the word I’m looking for...PET!. It’s cute.” He caressed the side of your face. “Too bad I kill all my pets...they can’t handle me...can you handle me, Pet?”

“Yes, Kanato.” you found yourself saying. You felt like you didn’t have a choice...

and you loved every second of it.

“Bullying you has made me regain my strength! Isn’t this wonderful?” he wrapped one of his hands around your neck. “You’re so fun to torment” he laughed.

“K-kanato.” you coughed.

“Is it hard to breath. Y/N?” he asked sinisterly, that crazed smile gracing his lips. His words were terrifying although his actions said otherwise. He loosened his grip on your throat, allowing air to flow more freely. It was those small things that made you think he didn’t hate you as much as he loved to preach.

“Y/N...when that vampire came...I thought I was gonna lose you for good this time” he said sadly, allowing his arm to return to his side. “I thought I had-...that you were gonna die.” 

“You saved me though.” you replied. Kanato knelt down to your level, still slightly above you. 

“Yeah...because if anyone is gonna break you, it’s gonna be me.”

“I care about you a lot, Kanato.” you finally said it. “I like you too much.” you exposed yourself. “I want you stay by your side.” you said pathetically. “Even if you hate me.”

Before you could say another word, Kanato claimed your lips in a kiss. He held the sides of your face in his hands. It was the first time he had ever kissed you. He hummed thoughtfully, pushing you down to the floor so you were laying on your back. He crawled over you, not breaking the kiss. 

“K-kanato.” you whimpered.

“You need to be taught a lesson. If your gonna be my girlfri- I mean pet, you’ll have to learn.” he kissed down your neck.

Suddenly, Kanato ripped the seam of your jeans all the way up your left leg, leaving it completely exposed to the air.

“Oh look, your clothes are messed up, guess we’ll have to take them off.” he smirked. In another swift motion, your pants were torn to shreds. The fabric fell in a circle around you both.

“Teddy look! Y/N is wearing such cute panties.” he cackled maniacally. “Her naughty place is leaking.”

You trembled, waiting for him to do whatever it was he was planning.

“I heard blood tastes better when it’s from your naughty place.” he ran his tongue along the top row of his teeth. “Y/N” he moaned, running his index finger along your clothed heat. “You smelled so much better here...I just want to- ungh.”

He suddenly drove his fangs into your right thigh. You gasped, arching your back. He violently grabbed your legs, holding them down. His tongue lashed against your freshly made wound. 

You could hear him whimpering, cursing under his breath. 

Kanato would deny it with his life, but everything about you was like a drug to you. Tasting your blood was even sweeter than every dessert he’s ever tasted. Feeling you whimper and plea for him did things to him that would make a sailor blush. 

Forget Yui, forget his brothers, forget it all.

“Fuh-” Kanato couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stop himself from ripping off your panties and driving his tongue into your most sensitive parts. Hearing you moan for him, cry for him. 

The rumors were right, vampires were godly lovers. It was like Kanato knew what you wanted and where. He lashed his tongue against your heat, grabbing your legs. 

“Wrap your legs around my head,” he demanded. “Not like it’s gonna kill me.” he laughed manically. “

Knock knock

“Y/N, are you in there?” Yui’s small voice caused you to panic a little. As you tried to get up, Kanato pushed you right back down, growling into your pussy,

“FUCK!” you whined, making it very obvious what you two were up to. “Kanato, I can’t-”

“Then don’t.” he grunted, not ceasing his movements. “Cum, cum for me.”

“K-KAANAAA!” you cried as you came. You thrashed and writhed under his touch, but he didn’t stop. His tongue never stopped moving. “fuh- fuck! Kanato, t-too much!”

“I said cum for me, I didn’t say I’d stop.” he thrust his fingers into you to add insult to injury. “You’re so fun to fuck with!” he spat.

“Kanato!” you sobbed. You couldn’t stop moving, you couldn’t stop thrashing. Th epleasure had gotten to you so much, you were drooling.

He finally withdrew his mouth from you, smiling evilly at the mess he left.

Kanato had grabbed one of his ties that had left on the floor and bound your wrists together.

“You look so inviting tied up for me...” he shuddered as he bit his lip. He licked his fingers clean of your blood and juices. “Good thing the night is young...because I’m not done with you.”

...

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || Faking Your Orgasms [Request] [M??]

A/N/WARNING: SOME OF THESE INCLUDE SMUT

SEOKJIN:

Jin stilled himself as you moaned into the pillow below you, he kept his hands on your hips from behind and pulled out as you frowned, turning to look over your shoulder as he began dressing himself. 

"Jin?" You questioned confused as he looked back at you, 

"If you're going to keep faking it without telling me why I don't want to do this anymore." You felt your heart sink as you realized he knew you'd been faking it. He turned to leave the bedroom but you grabbed onto his hand, 

"Jinnnie, it's not you. I'm the problem," You stared at him with tear-filled eyes as you looked down at your hands, this wasn't how you had planned to tell him but it was the only way you were going to get out of this without him feeling bad about things. 

"I can't cum because there's someone else inside of me and I just...My feelings are all over the place." You could see it only confused Jin more to hear that there was someone else inside of you, 

"Jin I'm pregnant...My hormones and feelings are all over the place. I haven't been able to cum because I-I've been overthinking things..." Jin placed his hands on your stomach, 

"Pregnant?" You nodded as he teared up and began smiling brightly. 

"I didn't tell you yet because I'm not that far along...I was going to wait." You let out a scream at the end of your sentence as he began to cover your stomach in small kisses.

YOONGI:

When you walked into the bedroom that night you saw Yoongi sitting there on the bed with his arms folded, 

"What's up? You look pissed off," You laughed softly thinking one of the guys had annoyed him or something but he took you by your hands and pinned you below him on the bed as you whined.

"Baby?" You giggled but he growled at you as he began sucking on your neck making you moan loudly, wrapping your legs around his waist to drawer him close but he pinned your legs down. 

"No, no touching for you." A shiver ran down your spine as he smirked at you, 

"I heard you and Jungkook talking today." He pulled your skirt down as he smirked at you, rubbing your clit through the fabric of your panties, 

"I haven't made you cum in over a month? So you were faking it... My little princess is so needy she went to the maknae to go and complain," He laughed sarcastically before pushing two fingers into you and humming as you moaned out loudly. 

"Tonight, you're not going to stop cumming." He whispered in your ear before chuckling darkly as you clenched around his fingers. 

HOSEOK:

It was the boys that pointed out you might have been faking your orgasms with Hoseok, they'd heard you one night and then questioned Hoseok on what it was like and they told him the truth. 

"You've been faking it this whole time and I'm the bad guy here?!" Hoseok yelled as he stared at you, you'd been ignoring him since he told you he told the boys about your sex life. 

"You told them about our sex life...Our private life Hobi!" You whined as you covered your face with your hands, the feeling of embarrassment coming back, you were never going to be able to look at them ever again. 

"Why are you faking your orgasms?" He sat down in front of you as you stared down at the floor beside him, it was just something you'd never been able to achieve, you'd never been able to make yourself cum and no one else had either. 

"Some people just can't." You whispered, wiping the tears of your face as you remembered your other relationships going south because you couldn't cum but Hoseok took your hand, 

"Then we'll find a way to make it pleasurable for you, so you won't have to fake it anymore." He promised, kissing your lips softly as you smiled at him.

NAMJOON:

When you drunkenly told Namjoon the night before that you had been faking your orgasms for a while he was hurt, he thought your relationship with one another was built and trust and that he could trust you to tell him when something wasn't working between you. 

"I said that?" You groaned as you took the cup of water from him and sipped on it, wanting nothing more than to end the embarrassment of speaking like this but Namjoon sat down. 

"I was doing some research, we might just need to spice things up a little and you can-" You put your hand on his mouth to stop him from talking and you shook your head. 

"Baby, there's nothing wrong with our sex life." You giggled softly as you rolled over to pick up the tablets you had been prescribed by your doctor a few weeks ago, it was nothing major just some medication for headaches. 

"They've been interfering with my hormones, I come off them soon...I just didn't want to make you feel bad so I faked it for a while," Namjoon blushed deeply as he set himself a mental note to delete his internet history when he went back downstairs, 

"So it's not me?" You shook your head as you kissed him, 

"No baby, it's not you." You whispered before laying back down and groaning about the room spinning.

JIMIN:

It wasn't Jimin's fault that you weren't able to cum it was just something you'd never been able to achieve before so every time you and Jimin would have sex you would just fake it, wanting him to feel like he was doing a good job because he was. The pleasure you experienced with him was like no other but you could never go over the edge and cum, you figured there was just something wrong with you. 

"Jimin, please...It's nothing you did," You clung to his hand as he tried to walk out of the bedroom, you finally came clean and told him that you had been faking it the whole time. You didn't want to build your relationship on lies. 

"I can't even pleasure my own girlfriend," He sat down on the bed feeling defeated but then he looked at you and felt even worse at the thought of you never getting to experience orgasm for real.

"You've never?" You shook your head looking down about to give him the same story you'd given your other ex's, they didn't seem to care as long as they got to cum they were done with you. 

"Well then, we're going to have to find what makes you tick." He smirked pushed you down onto the bed as he kissed you roughly, kissing down your neck as you let out a small whine. 

"You have to be honest this time, tell me what works and what doesn't....We'll get you there baby," He whispered in your ear before biting down on your lobe and kissing down the rest of your body, trying everything to get you to cum and by the end of the night you did. Experiencing a wave of different orgasms from him and finding out just what you did and didn't like during intercourse.

TAEHYUNG:

"What? So this whole time you've just been faking it?" You looked at Taehyung as you heard how hurt he was from the questioning but you looked down at your hands, not being able to bring yourself to stare at the love of your life and tell him he'd never been able to make you cum. 

"It's not you-"

"It's not me it's you? Seriously?" You sighed as he scoffed at you but you shook your head, 

"I can't! I can't cum Taehyung! It's not you, it's me...I-It gets too intense and I feel like it's too much, that I'm going to burst all over the place." You finally called out when he began leaving the room. It was the first time you'd come clean to anybody about orgasming, Taehyung figured it out that you were faking when all of your moans and groans sounded the same and you came clean to him.

"What?" He questioned turning around to look at you with a softer expression on his face, you looked up at the ceiling so the tears that were welling up in your eyes wouldn't start falling. 

"They're too intense...I get so close but I have to stop because it's too much, I feel like I'll burst that it's too much." He blinked at you before kissing you desperately, laying you back against the sheets. 

"What are you doing?" You panted as he began to kiss down your neck, sucking on the sweet spots that you had, 

"You're going to cum, I'm going to prove to you that it's not too much and you weren't burst." You froze in fear but he looked at you, 

"You can trust me." He promised you, kissing your lips softly as you allowed him to continue kissing down your body. That night for the first time you managed to let go of everything and experience what you'd heard so much about. 

JUNGKOOK:

"S-Shit you feel so fucking good princess," Jungkook groaned as he slammed in and out of you, rubbing your clit with his thumb as you rode him. You bit down on your lip trying to suppress your orgasm that was approaching, you cried out before leaning forward putting your head into the crook of his neck. Jungkook stopped thrusting up into you as you began to cry into his shoulder, his arms wrapped around your waist as he held you tightly thinking he'd moved too quickly and hurt you or something. 

"It's okay, I'm sorry...I'm sorry." He whispered over and over again as he ran his hands up and down your back trying to soothe you but you shook your head. 

"I can't do this anymore," You sniffled, pulling your face away from his neck as you wiped your eyes finally deciding you wanted to come clean with him. 

"I-I've been faking it and I just- I was close and then-" He wiped the tears from under your eyes as he frowned, 

"Did I do something wrong? Did I stop you from-"

"No, I didn't want to...I don't want to cum I look disgusting when I cum." He froze in place as he stared back at you not knowing what to say.

"Who told you that? Baby, you're beautiful," He whispered kissing all over your face as you began crying softly at his compliments explaining that one of your exes has been the one to convince you that you looked ugly whenever you would orgasm and it put you off ever wanting to do it again. 

"Princess. I want you to cum, I want you to feel good." He whispered as he kissed you, asking if he could continue and you nodded. Not letting the thoughts of your past experiences cloud your judgement. 

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @rjsmochii​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​

[booksarelife-stuff]

December Jily Challenge @jilychallenge | Partnered with the amazing @hpeveryonelives​

Prompt: "you are my only competition for this ugly sweater party, but I’ve won the past two years and you will nOT end my streak."

Summary:  She was going to tell him she loved him through the ugliest jumper he had ever seen.

Word Count: 3,622

Read on ao3     Masterlist

It hits her on November 4th, the day after Sirius’s birthday, when she wakes up hungover in her and Mary’s flat.

She drags herself out of bed and quickly crawls to the bathroom, where Mary is already, bent over with her head down on the counter.

Neither of them speak until Lily has her potion down and sat on the floor, her back resting against the cool tub.

“I think we must have had fun last night,” Mary said. “Too much.”

Lily closed her eyes and let out a groan of agreement.

“It makes me miss James ten times more,” Lily said. “He would have given us water and sobering potions before we went to bed.”

“You say you miss him at least four times a day,” Mary mumbled.

And then it hits her like a punch to the gut. So forceful, it takes her breath away. When he first told her that was going to be spending a few months in Germany, studying even more advanced animal transfiguration with some grumpy German scholar for Professor McGonagall, she was sad, yet excited for him.

She spent almost every evening with him. Whether it was James laying on her couch while Lily complained about how her supervisor at St. Mungos was a total idiot, from cooking dinner together to catching James up on all the important Muggle movies there were, James had become an integral part of her day.

And now he had been gone for two weeks and Lily felt like someone had tied her wand arm behind her back.

“Mary?” Lily asked. “How long have I been in love with James?”

Mary scoffs.

“I’d say Christmas of 7th year for sure.”

Lily’s head made a thunk as she threw her head back, trying to process this information. In hindsight, Lily saw how that made sense.

~~~

Lily couldn’t help the sobs that escaped her chest. She had tried to keep it together until she got back to her dorm, tried to hold back the utter devastation that threatened to take hold of her.

She only made it to the third-floor corridor, in a tiny alcove by a window before she started to sob, the letter crushed in her arms as she tried to wrap her arms around herself for comfort.

“Evans,” a deep, familiar voice called. “Hey, are you okay?”

Through her blurred vision, she could make out the tall lanky form of James.

James, who had become one of her closest friends this year.

It had been an unexpected development that year, like a lot of other things. She had been home for one week for the summer holidays when her father was killed in a car accident. Her father, who had been the only one in her household who hadn’t looked at her like she was a freak since finding out she had magic. He was the one to pick her up from the train station and drop her off. He was essentially the only family she had left.

James had sent a letter when he heard. He had lost his own father early in their 6th year. They corresponded frequently over the summer holiday, sharing their grief. And by the time September 1st rolled around, she was happy to see him.

So she welcomed his arms wrapped around her, whispering words of comfort. She buried her face into his chest and just cried.

She didn’t know how long it was before she calmed down before she could hear James’s whispered words and feel the gentle sway he was rocking them as one arm held her tight against him and while his other gently smoothed down her hair.

“My mum told me not to come home from Christmas,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

“What?” James whispered, disbelief colouring his tone.

“My sister, she-she’s engaged,” Lily said. “And Mum said he doesn’t know about me, that if he did, it would ruin Petunia’s life.”

He squeezed her tighter as more tears fell from her eyes onto his chest. She was probably ruining his jumper, just like she ruined everything else.

“Lily,” James said, his voice firm but still soft. “That’s not true. That is absolutely not true. Merlin, Lily.”

He just held her tightly before she pulled away, wiping her face with the sleeve of her robe.

“I’m sorry for that,” she whispered.

“Don’t apologise,” he said, his brown looking so sad that she had to look away from him.

“I don’t want to spend Christmas by myself,” Lily said, new tears falling just when she thought she was out of them.

“You won’t be,” James promised. “Come to mine.”

She looked at him, surprised.

“Mum will love to have you,” James said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “And we live in a bloody manor, so there’s more than enough room.”

Lily opened her mouth to say something, she didn’t know what but she couldn’t possibly impose, but James cut her off.

“I'm going to tell you what Mum told me when I first became friends with Sirius and Remus and noticed that not everyone had a family like I did,” he said, placing a hand on Lily’s shoulder and eyes looking intensely into hers. “Mum told me that some people have limits on their love.

Like for Sirius, his parents could only love him if he just catered to their whims and beliefs and once he didn’t, they had no love. It was conditional for them. But then there are other people who have no limits, no conditions to whom they love. And Mum told me when I was eleven, that all Potter’s have no limit.”

He laughed a little, breaking the tension. “I know it’s a little more nuanced than that, but that’s stuck with me. So Evans, come to our Christmas because there will be more than enough love and holiday cheer for everyone. Mum would probably come here and get you herself if you don’t.”

~~~

“How do I tell him?” Lily asked, clutching her mug tightly in her hands, letting the warmth seep into her fingers.

“How about a ‘Dear James, I’ve been oblivious to the fact that I’ve wanted to jump your bones since 7th year. Get the next portkey please,’” Mary replied sarcastically from the stove, where she was making eggs.

“You’re no help,” Lily grumbled. “My life has been turned upside down and you’re not helping!”

Mary sighed. “I think you should wait until he’s back because if you write him a love letter, he’s going to come back the second he reads it and ruin this opportunity he was given.”

Lily nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“But when he’s back, just tell him.”

Lily circled the rim of her mug with a finger and frown on her lips.

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

Her heart threatened to break at the thought of it. He hadn’t even hinted at having a crush on her since they were 5th year and even then, they had been the best of friends since 7th. What if the ship had already sailed? What if he brings some hot German girl home for Christmas and they’re in love?

She voiced these thoughts to Mary, who gave her a stern glare as she dumped her scrambled eggs on a plate.

“You guys write every day. Has he mentioned a hot German girl?”

“No, but he still has time to find one,” Lily pointed out.

“I think you’re hanging out with Sirius too much,” Mary said, jabbing her fork into her eggs.

“I’m sorry, it just feels like so much, you know? I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before.”

That was only a half-truth. Since 7th year, James had made her some type of way, she just didn’t know what it was until now. The butterflies in her stomach for the whole second semester of 7th year and that had now morphed into contentment she felt when she saw James sprawled out on her and Mary’s sofa.

“He’s still James,” Mary pointed out after swallowing a bite. “He’s still the person you knew before you learned to call it what it was.”

Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, itching to do anything with her hands.

“What if he doesn’t feel the same, Mary?” that fear clawed in Lily’s chest.

“I personally think he does,” Mary said, easing her anxiety. “But if he doesn’t, you won’t lose him. If he doesn’t love you romantically, that boy loves you deeply as a friend. And I know you can move on.”

Lily rested her head on the table and wished she was still hungover only for the fact she wouldn’t be thinking so hard about this.

~~~

It was November 25th when the invitation to Marlene and Dorcas’s annual Christmas Eve Ugly Jumper Contest and Party. Marlene and Dorcas had taken over one of the old McKinnon properties and used it as headquarters for their luxury wizarding knitwear line. The ugly jumper competition was a way of celebrating their business and handing out free samples to those they wanted to wear and endorse their products, each invitation coming with one of their Easy-Change-Jumpers, jumpers that were made with materials that easily allowed any transfiguration or regular charms.

Being friends since they were eleven, all of Marlene and Dorcas’s friends from school got invited too, along with whatever Witch Weekly model or star Quidditch player.

She could practically hear the trash talking James would be doing if he were beside her right now. He had taken this contest very seriously and had won every year so far.

When she got James’s letter that night, confirming that he would be home just in time for the party, an idea formed so brightly that Lily dashed to Flourish and Blotts as fast as she could apparate, looking for books that had crafting charms and transfiguration spells.

She was going to tell him she loved him through the ugliest jumper he had ever seen.

When Lily and Mary Floo’d to Marlene and Dorcas’s, Sirius and Remus were hanging Christmas decorations.

“About time you slackers showed up,” Sirius said, jumping to hand Remus, who was on a ladder, a string of Christmas lights.

“You know you’re wizards right?” Mary pointed out. “Like, you could do this in two seconds.”

“There’s nothing more satisfying than the manual labour that goes into Christmas decorations, Macky,” Sirius said.

“Said the man too scared to get up on the ladder,” Remus huffed.

“You’re already tall. It makes sense!” Sirius defended, flipping some shoulder-length black hair over his shoulder. “Right, Evans?”

Sirius turned around and his eyes were drawn to Lily’s jumper. Lily watched as his brow furrowed.

“You know it’s Christmas, right? Not Valentine’s?” he pointed out. Mary snorted.

Lily couldn’t help but feel proud that Sirius was visibly repulsed by the sight of her jumper.

On the bodice of the jumper, there was a snowy winter scene, complete with Christmas trees that were glittering with lights but instead of a star or angel on top of the tree, there were big red, glittery hearts, while the sky of the scene was dotted with tiny pink glittery hearts. On the sleeves, there were pink hearts in various sizes covering the sleeve, one could barely make out the black fabric of the jumper.

But the thing she was most proud of was the stag and doe, that were affectionately chasing each other in front of the Christmas trees in an endless loop.

She had made them Christmassy as well, their noses bright red and shiny, but the message was clear as she looked down to see the enchanted embroidered doe nuzzle into the stag.

A love confession in a sweater.

Sirius eyed the animals and then his eyes went wide.

“Oh, you realised it now?” he asked, watching as the doe then took off to go to the back of the jumper, begging the stag to chase her.

“Did everyone know except for me?” Lily asked.

A chorus of “Yes” rang out in the room before Sirius added. “Well, I’m certain James doesn’t know either.”

Her stomach was tied in knots as she helped finish setting up the party. She gave hugs to all her friends as they arrived, all of them eyeing her jumper with knowing looks. Marlene had straight-up cackled when she saw it and Alice quietly prodded with a “James’s animagus is a stag, right?”

Lily tried to pretend that she wasn’t getting more and more anxious by the second. As more and more people arrived, Lily actually felt nauseous at the fact that James would be stepping through the Floo at any moment.

She tried to distract herself with conversations, but she would just end up glancing at the fireplace every few minutes.

She tried her hardest to focus on what Dorcas was saying about ethically sourced wool when the rush of the Floo started and green flames bathed the room in a green glow.

Lily’s heart jumped into her throat as James stepped out of the fireplace.

He looked so damn good, even with his monstrosity of a jumper on. His black hair was longer than she had ever seen it, the ends curling around his ears and on his forehead and there was a shadow of stubble on his face, accenting his strong jaw.

And then he looked across the room, a smile forming on his face which brought out his dimple and Lily ever wondered how she thought her feelings for him were platonic.

His eyes caught hers and she smiled despite the nerves bubbling up in her stomach. She’s vaguely aware of handing Dorcas her half-drunk cup before breaking away to get to James, whose eyes never left hers.

Once they're close, Lily looks down at his jumper and laughs before he pulls her into an itchy and loud hug. It looks like his sweater is actually made out of pine branches, with lights, ornaments, with jingle bells somewhere in the mix, causing his every move to jingle.

“I missed you,” he said, his deep voice rich in her ear. She found she couldn’t care less about the branch that was scratching her face.

“I missed you, too,” she replied. “How was your portkey?”

“It was fine,” he said. “I’m just so happy to be home.”

She smiled widely. “I’m happy you’re home.”

He released her and inspected her jumper.

“Hearts, Evans?” James teased. “Wrong holiday.”

“That’s what Sirius said,” she said.

James’s head cocked to the side as the stag and doe appeared on her front. Lily saw a flicker of something in his eyes. Lily braced herself; this was her moment. Her moment to all down all her cards.

“That’s really cute,” James said, making the words die on her tongue. “And pretty good charms work.”

Whatever was in his eyes was now gone.

“James!” Sirius yelled before coming up and hugging James tightly, jingling as James stumbled backward for a moment.

Lily stepped away as they caught up, but James kept her in the orbit, giving her a look that told her to stay with them and giving her hand a quick squeeze.

“How’s the new transfig you’re learning?” Remus asked after Sirius and James had a contest about who missed who more.

“It was pretty wicked,” James said. “Once you know the exact theories behind transfig, it’s almost as easy as breathing.”

“Who knew you’d turn into such a nerd,” Sirius commented over his cup of spiked apple cider.

“Don’t pretend you weren’t all about this in school,” Remus scoffed.

“Like he wasn’t like this just last year, trying to get that damn bike to fly,” Lily added on. James laughed beside her and she smiled and turned to look at him. He met her gaze for a second and smiled before turning back to the conversation. Lily’s eyes stayed glued to him, eyeing the curls around the nape of his neck.

“Ugh, I don’t want to think about that Sirius ever again,” Remus said, wrinkling his nose. “Couldn’t get him to shower.”

“Slander,” Sirius said, with a frown.

In a moment of bravery, Lily reached up and started twirling a curl around her finger. James jumped a little in surprise, jingling a little, but didn’t pull away from her. In fact, he placed a hand on the small of Lily’s back.

“You wouldn’t stop reading that old Muggle mechanics book,” James said. “Had to pull it out of your hands.”

“Hm, don’t remember that,” Sirius remarked.

Lily didn’t pay much attention to the conversation around her. She just kept twirling James’s hair around her fingers and staring at his jaw, wondering how the stubble would feel against her lips or tongue even. Not that she would just lick his face, but she still wondered.

James pulled her closer at one point and he turned and looked down at her, brown eyes warm, she thought for a second he was about to kiss her, but he had a concerned look on his face.

“Are you drunk?” he asked, low enough for only her to hear.

“No,” she said, frowning slightly. “Only had some alcohol-free cider.”

His look of concern turned into a frown.

“Are you trying to make someone jealous?” he asked.

“No,” she sighed. “Can I talk to you somewhere quiet and private?”

He nodded. Lily dropped her hand from his neck and grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers through his, her heart thumping loudly again.

Everywhere in the house seemed to be filled with people, so eventually Lily pulled him out to the back porch, despite the biting cold, James jingling behind her.

Lily hopped up on the railing on the edge of the porch, her feet dangling as James stood in front of her, a searching look on his face.

“Everything okay?” James asked.

Lily stared at him and bit the inside of her cheek.

“Look at my jumper,” she said.

“I did?”

“See the hearts?”

He nodded.

“And the deer?”

“Yes, Lily. I can see them. I saw them.”

Lily sighed. “What’s my Patronus?”

“A doe,” James replied, a twinge of frustration in his tone.

“What’s yours?”

“A stag,” he answered. “Lily, did you hit your head on something?”

Lily wiped a hand down her face, getting just as frustrated.

“I am quite literally standing in front of you with my heart on my sleeve, James! I love you, okay? I don’t know how else to spell it out for you,” Lily said, jumping down from the railing.

James looked shocked, his mouth agape and his eyes blinking.

The rejection hit her in a wave, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“God, I’m sorry. This was stupid—so stupid,” Lily said closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Just forget it. Sorry, I’m going to go.”

She started marching right to the door, wanting to get to the Floo before she really started sobbing. She was going to kill all her friends who told her this was a good idea.

Lily didn’t even make it past James, him grabbing her arm and stopping her.

“James, I’m sorry. Please let—”

“Stop.”

His hand cupped her jaw and gently raised her head to look up at him. “Lily,” he breathed out.

James was smiling, his eyes bright. His thumb brushed the corner of her mouth. His hand left her arm and snaked behind her, pulling her to him.

“I love you, too,” he whispered. “I just wasn’t expecting it, okay? I love you so much.”

“Really?” she asked, her voice sounding small to her ears. He nodded.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you but I didn’t want to—”

“—Ruin our friendship?” she finished with a small smile.

James laughed, low and deep, his sweater jingling. She reached up, and cupped his jaw, feeling the rough drag of his stubble against her palm, her other fisting some of the pine branches on his chest.

She looked up into his eyes, the heat of gaze making her forget about the fact they were standing outside in freezing temps.

“I love you,” he whispered again, leaning his head down.

Lily stood on her toes and met him halfway, capturing him into a sweet kiss. Her heart felt like bursting as his lips slid with hers. It took her breath away, the softness in which James kissed her like she was precious, something to be savoured like her lips were a delicacy. The only thing rough was the drag of his facial hair, but Lily found she loved it. It was just more sensation.

She had never been kissed like that before, never felt like she was being treasured from just a kiss. Lily deepened the kiss and even then, every movement felt like he was praising her.

It wasn’t until James moved, just a little, and jingled. They broke their kiss to laugh.

“Wanna get out of here?” Lily asked, batting her eyelashes.

James hummed.

“No.”

Lily frowned.

“Why not?”

“I have an ugly jumper contest to win and once I do, you can congratulate me properly,” he said, smirking.

“You still think you’re going to win?” she said, lifting her chin.

“Oh, I know I am, Evans.”

“You should probably be rooting for me,” Lily said, smirking. “Considering this jumper is the reason you’re getting laid tonight.”

She pushed him away and started back to the house, smirking at James’s squawk of surprise.

She made it back to the house but didn’t get far when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind.

“Okay, fine. Your jumper is better,” James breathed into her ear.

“Thank you,” she said. “Oh, and James? I love you, too.”

[bumbleklee]

philocaly (kaeya x reader)

masterlist | 1k prompt masterlist | discord server

★ ironically this came to me in a dream last night lol. it’s also 4 in the morning so please excuse anything that makes no sense <3

★ summary: you have the worst nightmare of your life but thankfully kaeya is there to calm you down

★ content warning: there’s a very quick, very vague sex scene that isn’t detailed at all but just so everyone knows. major angst but also major comfort so do with that what you will. also reader was written as female but its pretty vague so feel free to imagine them as whoever you want

philocaly

(n) the love of beauty 

The first thing you noticed when you opened your eyes was the intoxicating smell of gasoline that surrounded you. Your body felt sticky and wet and it didn’t take long for you to realize you were drenched in petroleum. You felt dazed and when you tried to look around, your eyesight blurred and you stared into a cloudy abyss.

A voice began speaking and you jolted up, trying to find the source only to find absolutely nothing. You didn’t even know if you were sitting in a chair.

“So naive…”

Your breath caught in your throat when you recognized the voice as Kaeya’s. But your mouth wasn’t moving. You thrashed around but it was like your arms were being held down by invisible bonds.

“Don’t panic, pretty,” Kaeya said. His voice echoed around the room and finally the clouds started to dissipate. Your beloved boyfriend stood feet away from you, wearing a brilliant white tuxedo. “We’re just going to talk. For now.”

Out of thin air, Kaeya pulled a chair in front of you. He sat down in it backwards, leaning his head on his arms. He had his signature smile on his face but his eyes were dull and emotionless. Suddenly your feet hit something hard and you glanced down, seeing a polished wooden floor beneath your shoes.

“Tell me, Y/N,” Kaeya purred, looking at you in a way that made you shiver, “Do you really think you amount to anything in this world?”

His words stunned you. What was going on? You gaped your mouth to speak but no words came out. You didn’t know what to say.

“It would solve a lot of problems if we just got rid of you right now, don’t you think? I would finally be free to find someone worth my time and the rest of Mondstadt would be happy to have such a burden lifted.”

You felt like your throat was on fire. You couldn’t believe Kaeya was saying these things to you but he really was. Tears streamed down your face and you sharply inhaled, your chest aching in pain. You prayed that this was some sick joke.

The gasoline that was poured on your head before started to run down your face, sliding between your eyes and burning your nostrils when you breathed.

“You’re crying now? How pathetic,” Kaeya laughed. He shoved his hand into the pocket of the tuxedo jacket and pulled out a pack of matches. Your eyes widened and you felt yourself stop breathing momentarily. He hummed casually and stood up from the chair, “I can’t wait to find someone so much better.”

You tried to scream, defend yourself, but no sounds came out. It was like your voice box had been ripped away. Your eyesight was blurry again from your tears but you couldn’t even wipe them away. A gloved hand reached out and gripped your jaw, pulling your face upwards. Kaeya was in front of you now, his eyes even more sadistic than before. He cocked his head at you and rubbed his thumb along your bottom lip.

“You always had such an ugly face.”

And with that, Kaeya ripped his hand away and lit a match. He threw it at you carelessly and turned on his heel. As soon as the tiny flame touched the gasoline, it was like an explosion. The flames crawled up your legs and surrounded your body. You had never felt this kind of pain before and it was unbearable. Once again, you tried to scream but only silent heaves escaped your throat. The last thing you saw was Kaeya’s long ponytail being thrown over his shoulder before the flames consumed you.

You shot up in bed, your hands clutching your nightgown like never before. You heaved and erratically inhaled, trying to catch your breath. While you couldn’t feel the flames anymore, in that moment they felt so real. Never before had you had such a horrendous nightmare and you didn’t know how to handle it.

Kaeya’s words rang through your head over and over again. You couldn’t stop the tears falling from your eyes, only this time you could reach up and wipe them away. Hands crawled up your shoulders and Kaeya, the real one, rubbed them slowly.

“You’re drenched in sweat, Princess,” He mumbled, “What happened?”

Your blood grew cold as your dream replayed. You choked back a sob and managed to twist your body so you were facing Kaeya. “I’m okay,” You lied, your voice hoarse and quiet, “I’m just a little shaken up.” Kaeya raised an eyebrow at you. He had seen you shaken up before and it was never this extreme. He opened his mouth to speak but you surged forward, pressing your lips against his. “I want to do it. Right now.”

“What?” Kaeya mumbled between desperate, rough kisses. Normally he wouldn’t be opposed to a spontaneous midnight session but you were clearly in distress.

“Please,” Your voice cracked. You needed to be intimate with Kaeya right now, you needed to feel his body flush against yours. You needed to know that he still wanted you.

Kaeya only nodded and let you push him back onto the bed. You inhaled sharply again and rubbed your cheeks. You slung a leg over Kaeya and wasted no time in kissing down his neck. You placed wet kisses on his skin and Kaeya’s hands grazed your hips. If this was going to make you feel better right now, then he would do anything you wanted.

You inched backwards so your crotch was over Kaeya’s and you pulled down his pants quickly. He was still soft but you didn’t care, lifting up your nightgown and lowering yourself onto Kaeya. He didn’t make his usual sound of pleasure when he entered you but you paid no mind, placing your hands flat on Kaeya’s stomach so you could move your hips and back forth. Your movement was erratic and, honestly, didn’t feel good at all but you needed this intimacy now.

When you and Kaeya made love, it was gentle and sensual. He treated you like glass and his touches made you feel like you were on cloud nine. But this didn’t feel right. You weren’t feeling loved and beautiful this time. You could only think about what Kaeya said in your dream and maybe he was right.

You started crying again and Kaeya’s heart ached. He hated seeing you like this and he knew that having sex wasn’t what you needed right now.

“Alright, we’re done,” Kaeya said softly. His hands tried to lift you off of him but you only ground your hips down and let out a sob.

“No!” You cried, “We have to finish. We have to.”

“No, we don’t,” Kaeya countered. He suddenly overpowered you, lifting your hips off his and moving you beside him in bed. He pulled his pants back up and pulled your nightgown back down. This time, Kaeya leaned over you and boxed your head in with his arms so you couldn’t roll away. “Tell me what happened.”

At this, your cries turned into uncontrollable sobs. You couldn’t breathe and inaudible words floated out of your mouth. You tried to explain your dream but your wails only drowned it out. Kaeya waited patiently for you to stop crying. He hated seeing you cry but knew you needed this and wasn’t going to push you to stop anytime soon.

He stayed perfectly still until your sobs eventually died out. You were still a teary, sniffling mess but at least you could form coherent sentences now. You shakily explained your dream, repeating what was said to you by the love of your life. Kaeya listened and felt sick. His nose brushed against yours.

“None of that is true,” Kaeya said firmly. His eyes stared intensely into yours and your bottom lip quivered again, “You know that, right?”

“I’m so in love with you,” You started, “So in love that a nightmare about you not loving me is more painful than getting stabbed fifty times. I want to be enough for you.”

“You are enough for me.”

Kaeya’s hands brushed through your hair gently, his thumbs rubbing circles in your temple. Your eyes felt heavy and stung from your hysteria. You snaked your arms around Kaeya’s waist and managed to maneuver your bodies so you were both lying on your sides. Kaeya pulled you close to him and you found solace in the crook of his neck. Kaeya pressed soft, warm kisses all over your face and kissed away the rest of your tears.

“I love you, too,” He whispered.

Your eyes fluttered closed and Kaeya waited until your breathing was normal again to close his own. His hand found yours and laced your fingers together and in that moment you realized that this was the intimacy you were longing for so deeply. Your dream that night would haunt you probably for the rest of your life but as long as you could bring yourself back to reality, back to Kaeya, you would be okay.

Kaeya pressed a final kiss to your temple and spoke one last time before sleep overcame you both. Quoting your favorite book Kaeya said, “I’m in love with you, and I know that love in just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”

a/n: did i just quote tfios? yes <3