#< totes legit tag trust me

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 9 -  Maccon’s into violence, hypocrisy, raceplay, but worst of all progressive politics.

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  They are at her husband’s old pack castle about it.  Are they hiding something?????

Chapter 9 – Maccon’s into violence, hypocrisy, raceplay, but worst of all progressive politics.

So off to dinner we go!  They talk about what a FRIGHTFUL sight it was that Alexia didn’t style and unfrizz her hair before going down to dinner with such dramatic terms that make me wanna gag. But I went from that to barfing myself inside out when I read the following line about Alexia’s frizzy hair:

“Lord Maccon adored it.  He thought she looked like some exotic gypsy and wondered if she might be amendable to donning gold earrings and dancing topless about their room in a loose red skirt…”

GOD DAMN AUTHOR!  We went from some poor choices but plausible deniability to straight up…

Like a lot of my racism complaints are subjective and nit-picky I will give you that.  But the author done goofed good and fucking proper with that line jesus fucking Christ.

GY*SIES IS A SLUR, AND ROMANI WOMEN ARE NOT ~EXOTIC~ SEXUAL OBJECTS! GOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOURSELF!

I could fume about that fucking egregious shit the rest of the day but let’s try to distract myself with the parts of this story that aren’t openly racist.

At dinner, LeFoux is talking to some nerd about nerd shit.  Ivy is trying to talk about fish to some dude even though both of them don’t know anything about fish.  There’s a bit of drama when Lady Kingair (aka Sidheag) allows Maccon to sit in the Alpha seat, which TO BE FAIR is kinda bullshit, but the drama dissipates with a harmless distraction.  There is a brief interaction between Alexia and Maccon on the subject of the Tunstell/Ivy drama.  Maccon says they’re a bad match and Alexia agrees DESPITE THE FACT SHE LEGIT TRIED TO HOOK UP THE TWO AT THE END OF THE LAST BOOK BUT THAT’S FINE! Maccon ends the conversation about this slipshod ship-fest by sighing out a perplexed…

“Women”

Maccon you’re literally agreeing with a woman right now!  Boy howdy am I getting increasingly sick of how Maccon uses that word. If a male partner of mine used that word (woman) the way Maccon uses it (as this bullshit signifier that #yesallwomen are so hard to understand and difficult to deal with) I would uppercut him in the fucking taint.

CAN YOU BE ANGRY ABOUT THE ACTUAL CONTENT OF THE STORY FAPS INSTEAD OF THESE THROW-AWAY LINES THAT YOU’RE OVERANALYZING!

BLATANT RACISM AND SEXISM AREN’T THROW-AWAY LINES, BUT YOU BET YOUR ASS I CAN BE MAD AT MORE STUFF! I AM ALWAYS HUNKERING TO ANGRY IT UP!

There’s a point where they call Alexia curse-breaker multiple times (cause she’s a soulless that can negate the powers of the supernatural.)  Ivy and Felicity have no idea what that means and don’t know Alexia is a soulless but nobody bothers to inform them.  I don’t know if this is going to be a conflict at some point or not.

Alexia then has to ~make a fuss~ by asking them about the humanization problem. They act like she is breaking some taboo, but honestly I don’t understand why.  They’re having a problem; it’s her and Maccon’s job to solve the problem, so they should ask about it so they can solve it right? Also these Scottish folks seem much more down to earth and don’t subscribe to the stuffy social mores of British society. So it’s dumb that they act as if Alexia is rudely asking why cousin Larry has two weeping pussies where his ears should be, while jabbing at them with a pencil, and making sexist jokes about it.

But she doesn’t ask questions that are going to be useful until a few pages into this conversation which means just in time for the author to avoid it with a distraction.  I have a feeling the author is going to do the same thing in this book that she did last book.  Started with a mystery, dances around it for the vast majority of the book without adding much to it, and just ¾ the way in the book SUDDENLY SHIT HITS THE FAN ALL AT ONCE AND IT’S REAL DUMB!

So it’s now after dinner and the men and women are separated to chit-chat. Alexia starts quizzing Lady Kingair. Lady Kingair says she wishes she could be a full blooded werewolf.  The only werewolf within a zillion miles who is powerful enough to turn someone into a werewolf is Lord Maccon, cause of course it is.    But Maccon doesn’t want to try to turn her because she’s his last heir and women very rarely survive the transformation.  

Which like, there’s no reason so far why the werewolf club has to be vast majority male.  No ALL MEN orgies, and no SINCE YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL WE’VE SEEN IN 80 YEARS ALL OUR ERECTIONS POINT TO YOU FEMALE PROTAG!  Perhaps there is some plot point later on.  But honestly? I suspect it comes down to the bias that simply werewolfism is considered a male phenomenon. You can read all sorts of analyses of this but basically it comes down to that men are supposed to have a violent, animalistic nature that they try to suppress.  But women aren’t supposed to be angry, powerful, uncontrollable, or like worst of all HAIRY!  So I don’t want them even as no-name background characters yuck!

Also, oddly enough, last book they said that werewolves sought out actors, and arty types cause they seemed more likely to survive the transformation. Creativity is tied to ~extra soul~ or whatever.  So I want to know why all these werewolves are dim-witted, gruff, military philistines instead of sweet, sensitive, arty twinks, smooching each other?  Is it cause her type is gruff meathead and like an idiot she outright contradicted her own story for no particular reason?

SEEMS SO! GOD I WANT A CASTLE FULL OF HAIRY BESTIAL WOMEN AND/OR CUTE SENSITIVE TWINKS! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

Nothing else really comes out of the conversation with Lady Sidhaeg Kingair and thankfully we’re saved from that conversation by the sounds of the men folk fighting.

Maccon is fighting with the current beta.  Maccon wins, cause of course he does.  They both grumble bitterly at each other for BETRAYAL and nothing is revealed. Like I am glad there was action, but this was so limp and tepid.  It could have easily been dramatic and they should have revealed something, especially considering they dump the whole story at the end of this chapter.

So Alexia takes him upstairs for fade to black SEX, cause of course she does. Like I won’t kink-shame much, but getting all hot that your husband beat up another dude who is clearly weaker than him for no real reason is bogus yo. A thousand kink-shames upon you.

Afterwards Maccon FINALLY fucking explains something.  He says the reason why he left the Kingair pack is because everybody in the pack was planning to kill the queen of England and didn’t tell him about it.  They’re Scottish and Supernaturals and APPARENTLY the crown hates both of those things.  She appoints Scottish and Supernatural people to the highest places on her court and we have not seen any oppression but just trust us okay.  They kept it from Maccon, because Maccon is a ~progressive~ and thought killing the queen would be a bad idea.  He believes this because the Queen is giving Supernaturals more rights and that if they kill her that it would make Supernaturals look real bad and innocent Supernaturals would be targeted.

That’s a reasonable fear, and honestly since we’re supposed to be on Maccon’s side she doesn’t really try to explain the other side.  Like was it supposed to be a military Coup so that werewolves would be in charge of Britain, since the military is made up of werewolves? Cause that’s honestly pretty fucking interesting.  I know the author says there are a lot more humans than werewolves…but I don’t know why they would fear much of a backlash if they all have superpowers, lots of the money, and are the ENTIRE military.  The fucking Spartans quelled every slave uprising even though slaves vastly outnumbered their military cause their military was trained as hell. Those masc 4 macs thug bros weren’t even able to turn their faces into dog faces.

Also Maccon’s feelings were really hurt when they were going to kill the queen with poison.

“Poison is for bitches amirite?” Maccon laughs misogynistically.  Alexia chuckled in kind and sprinkled something in Maccon’s 5th glass of Scotch.  As he dies in agony Alexia licks her fingertips in triumph. Oops they still had poison on them and she dies.  LeFoux travels to reality and she has the good sex with me. The End!

Okay that exchange didn’t happen, I just wish it did.

So anyway due to the ~betrayal~ Maccon left his pack and it really fucked his pack a big one because nobody was powerful enough to turn other people into werewolves so their pack couldn’t grow and outsiders were disinterested in serving them.  (BTW humans who serve werewolf packs in exchange for being turned into werewolves are called Clavigers in this book.) But this was their punishment for betraying him.  Not punishment for the high treason of attempting to murder a queen and thus throwing the entire country into violent chaos which could have resulted in millions of deaths. The focus for the punishment is highlighted as Maccon’s feelings were hurt.

I have a million questions about this situation but I can forgive the author for not going into more detail. This is a fluff story and doesn’t need to be bogged down with politics.  I can’t help but be  frustrated because the author doesn’t give anything of substance, so when something mildly interesting happens I want to latch onto it but it’s just plywood stuck to a cliff with bubblegum, it ain’t gonna hold my weight.

Thus I plummet back into the pit of frivolousness, hoping futilely there maybe something enjoyable I can grab in order to save my sanity from this stack of bullshit.

PS – I’m way into the fact that the thing they did reveal is not relevant to the actual conflict at the center of this book.

LOVE THAT!

PPS – The fight should have had the Beta forcefully removed from the fight. That he thrashes against another werewolf about how ineffectual Maccon is.  That he has all sorts of strength, power, and money but he’s just a complacent lapdog.  Since he has been dubbed ‘one of the good ones’ he’ll let the less fortunate ones of his race rot while he nibbles pheasant in his castle.  Maccon fires back how hypocritical it is to say you want what’s best for werewolves/Scottish folks while picking fights and putting the less fortunate on the line.  That he’s proving to the kingdom that werewolves are valuable by being a good example and working within the power structure to help his own kind. Afterwards Maccon goes back to his room physically and emotionally exhausted, and cuddles with his wife while he explains the backstory. He cries over his guilt of hurting his pack, and wonders if what he is doing is the right thing.

Problem with that is it doesn’t make the conflict easy to understand and cut and dry.  It also makes Maccon emotionally vulnerable…which like I’M INTO but seems as if it’s not the author or this set of reader’s fetish.

Say something nice Faps:

After pulling teeth for a book and a half we learn something about Maccon.  And it’s actually potentially interesting.

Ivy’s back and forth about her lack of knowledge about fish was genuinely cute and funny.

[tryalittlejoytomorrow]

small kaymeron things that give me life:

how they instantly start calling each other Cameron and Kay, no Mr. Black and Agent Daniels nonsense

“Well, I couldn’t have done it without my beautiful assistant”/”Don’t ever say that again”/”Yeah, nah, sounded weird coming out” aka the start of everybody shipping them and also, hey, he called her beautiful, and I’m trash

that soft moment at the ending of the pilot where they’re outside on the patio/balcony/roof/whatever, softly lit, and he tells her about Johnny and how he has to get him out and he’s soft and open and vulnerable and she’s instantly ready to go on that crusade with him

the dimples!!! on that man!!! when he smiles when Kay tells him she saw his special on TV and thought it was fantastic!!! fantastic!!! the way his whole face glows as he says “fantastic, wow,” because he’s so happy she liked it even tho he hardly knows the woman

the whole “we’re coming for you” over the phone with MW and the ridiculous hotness of these two standing together with their heads bent over the phone and the sheer dedication in their respective gazes

how Kay keeps telling Deakins time and time again that Cameron’s good and can do some real good with them

the look on Kay’s face when she watches him do magic tricks and interact with their witness kid, you just know her ovaries are kinda imploding then, and so were mine

“Who wants to lose their head?” *Kay grabs him* “Okay, point taken” and his fucking smirk, jesus fuck, the smirk on that man’s face is unholy and she knows it

Cam running and yelling her name even if it’s a staged act, because, come the fuck on, the intensity in that man??? have you noticed how fast he runs for a woman he hardly knows? come on, even the bad guys know these two are in for the long haul

the fact that Kay is always sitting/standing close to him at wrap-up parties and they somehow always find their way to some isolated corner of the Archive??? and drink just the two of them???

Kay telling Cameron about her sister and vowing to help him with his brother because she gets it

Kay being impressed at his goodness and how he always tries to help everybody when he sees it as being naive

them shaking hands and striking a deal to work together to find MW

that little frown Kay has every time she watches him do one of his deception tricks, half-worried, half-impressed

that small moment in the museum when she tells him about Caroline and she’s so soft and vulnerable and he listens to her stories and uh, throwback to the one time he did the same and she listened much??? this is the stuff of otp legends

“Don’t shoot, it’s me!” and Cam pouting because Kay’s not impressed with him

the proud smile on Kay’s face when Cameron saves Vivian from plummeting to her death, like she’s all like “THAT’S MY MAN RIGHT THERE, 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND”

“Grab your wand”/”I don’t have a wand, that’s, uh, a thing she does, that’s hilarious” *runs after Kay* “You’re hilarious Kay!”

Cameron beating himself up for ignoring Kay’s orders and getting Johnny’s hopes up and Kay jumping in to reassure him that they will catch MW

have I said anything about how they don’t know anything about personal space???

“is that your face on that pen?”

Kay constantly telling him he’s doing good whenever he beats himself down

the way Kay seems to own a key to the Archive because she just always pops in and out like she owns the place, and looks so at home there??

Kay giving him shit for lying to his ex and teasing him

the way Kay always marvels at his tricks until she admits magic - Cameron - is growing on her

how Kay slowly transitions to calling him Cam more and more

“He’s one of us - you called him a civilian, he’s one of us. If one of your guys went missing would you wait 24 hours?” the sheer intensity and protectiveness in that woman, dear lord, I fear for anyone stupid enough to try and keep Cameron away from her, insert Hozier here

Kay reassuring Jonathan that they’ll get Cameron back and thus showing him and us how much she cares about Cam

the utter sheer fear on Kay’s face during the whole vault scene, the way she clenches her fingers around Jordan’s shoulder upon watching Cam suffocate

how Cam ultimately refuses to help MW because he can’t bear betraying Kay after everything she’s done for him

the fact that Kay rode in the ambulance with him after he almost died!!! and they let us know in such a careless way but it means so much!!!

Kay being pissed at Cameron throughout the next episode because he scared the hell out of her by almost dying

Cam slow-clapping at Kay for her Oscar-worthy performance during their deception at the police station

“So, I think I've officially run out of ways to apologize. So I just. Are we good, you and I? I mean, or just close to, I mean, a little good?/ “I wasn't completely honest with you, either. I was mad, but I was also...seeing you almost suffocate in that vault, it really scared me. I'm not so good at being scared.”/”But you're scary all the time.”/”This was different.” HE WAS DIFFERENT.

“Cam, put the moon down”/”But it’s gonna be cool.”

Kay grinning at that goddamn dumb fajitas joke, she’s so in love

“Take your clothes off”/”What?” and that dumb dumbo doesn’t get why but still does it

“You know you don’t have to add “The amazing” every time you say your name” but come on we all know that’s gonna lead to some sexy times right?? right???

THE ENTIRETY OF EPISODE 11

like, okay. let’s be methodical about this: Cam knows her coffee order. But MOREOVER, he owns all the ingredients to make it. He bought fucking cinnamon for her, because let’s not even pretend that any single guy in his thirties would own cinnamon on his own. The Amazing Cameron Black™ went to the grocery store and bought cinnamon to make his future wife coffee. Because he doesn’t only know her coffee order as they wait in line at Starbucks, no, hell no. He actually makes her coffee for her.

 “You know me so well”/”I’m a good observer” and drinking their coffee in sync like the old married couple they are

actually, timeline wise, they’ve known each other for so little time and still he knows her so well?? be still, my heart

this exchange “So, when were you gonna tell me?” /”Tell you what?”/ “That you dated a super spy.”/ “I wasn't hiding it from you.”/ “I've replayed eight conversations we've had about exes in my head. And it could've come up easily in any one of them. What else are you not telling me?”/ “A lot.”/”Fair enough.“ uh, excuse me, they’ve had EIGHT conversations about exes??? just exactly how many nights do they spend drinking and talking late into the night sharing life stories like this??? Kay has a toothbrush at the Archive, I’m calling it. And has definitely slept in one of Cameron’s shirt before.

uh, let’s talk about how good of a guy Cameron is when he pushes Kay to go deal with her unfinished business with her ex because he wants her to be happy and he thinks Isaac is what makes her happy???

and how Johnny helps him realize he’s jealous but still, right before it hits him, Cam’s still saying “if she’s happy, I’m happy” because he wants her to be happy even if it’s not with him??? god, let me live

but also, let’s talk about Kay’s face when Cam asks her if she’s hungry and she thinks he’s gonna ask her out for dinner, that’s pure elation, girl was totes ready to go out with him

CAMERON RISKING HIS LIFE TO PROTECT HER

CAMERON TAKING A BULLET FOR HER

even Isaac seeing right through the “fake” confession of love and telling Kay that Cam did it for her

the whole scene with Kay coming to the Archive to see Cameron as he nurses a nasty bruise from the bullet

that boy’s face when Kay tells him Jonathan told her she wasn’t Cameron’s type, he has such a crush, but he goes beyond a crush, and he can’t tell her because he still thinks then that she’s into Isaac

“Isaac just felt like moving backward, I’d rather focus on the future.” WITH YOU. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. That’s totes what Kay was thinking but not saying.

Cam thinking about how he couldn’t betray Kay even to save Johnny because she believed and trusted him

Kay saying again that she’d hunt him down if he did something illegal

“Kay, you’re amazing.”

“You shot me!” /”I shot her more.”

Both of them realizing that they still want to work together despite seemingly being done with Johnny’s investigation and having no more real, legit reason to work together again

“You know I expect front-row tickets to your big comeback show.” /”My show? Hmm. Of course. Yeah.”/ “When we started out, didn't you hate magic?”/ “It's grown on me.”/ “Mm. There's no reason I can't come and help out every now and then, right?”/ “I thought you were only working with the FBI to help Jonathan.”/ “It's grown on me.” OTP OTP OTP TAG RIGHT THERE.

“If Kay says she’ll protect you, she will” and the enamored look and smile she gives him when he says that????

how fucking gorgeous they look together in their party clothes at the consulate, like, goddamn, wow, why isn’t there more gifsets of them walking with linked arms and looking like sex on a stick

the happiness and giddiness at the wrap-up party, they’re goddamn leaning into each other, they look like a fucking couple I can’t

let’s not talk about the ending, it hurts, it hurts so fucking much, but the FEELS for fuck’s sake, the goddamn feels