#<- for the homies who need me to specify

[dadmareau]

btw you can make your own dadmare AU. if u want. <3

Since there's more people here: You can have your own Dadmare AU!

Hell, I was inspired by One Small Dream by @calcium-cat (they are very cool!) and loved the idea of baby Dream so much that I drew the fan art that then inspired this story. I made this shit up in 3am Twitter thread, bruh. You can have a baby Dream. You can have a Dadmare. Do time-travel, I fucking love time-travel fix-it fics/AUs.

As long as it's not an intentional recreation of my exact same AU, it passes. If there's any doubts/questions, feel free to send an ask or message me. Also, translations are welcome.

DISCLAIMER: Don't pitch your AU idea to me. I won't respond, I'm taking a conveniently-timed nap. Love the enthusiasm, keep doing whatever you're doing, you funky little guy. Go keysmash about it.

(unimportant rambling under cut)

People have already made AUs with baby Dream or Dadmare before me, and they're so awesome to read. Same thing with Underfell, Swap, etc. The repetition of the same story by different people is what builds diversity and creativity. The retelling of an AU and of Undertale is what this community is built on.

We are echoes of the same beginning, through different eyes and voices. Tell a story that makes you feel something, anything, no matter how bad you write it.

(mangled noise) i love stories waugh (gmod metal object collision sfx)

[pepsimaxolotl]

I love that Adam Ragusea is making videos about fish keeping sometimes now /gen

[antispopausandstuff]

I saw your post about same sex and Sapphic relationships in media and how not every pair of gay/bi/etc people have to be together and homie, I get that there are a lot of other ways to show love in lgbt+ shows but dude. Canon romantic relationships of all kinds is one of the big goals for our community. The "unrequited love" and such was what we Always used to see in shows and media and books. Always hinted at just enough to make audiences hopeful but never any follow through. We are LUCKY to have LGBT+ relationships and romances on screen nowadays and a lot of younger people don't remember the days when no one in the community even thought it was possible to see a pair of women or a pair of men kiss on TV or in a movie in a way that wasn't just a joke or going to be played off. Yes, we need more lgbt+ friendships on air but not at the sacrifice of the romantic relationships our community and our elders have fought to be shown and accepted as normal for decades now. If you wanna see pining and unrequited love and "will they, won't they", you can easily find it in the past. Typically it became queerbaiting of some kind if the authors refused to acknowledge the obvious subtext or in some cases, people would retcon it in after the dust has settled and people can't refuse to watch something if they have to see gay people being gay.

But comparing things to the "control group", it's exceptionally rare that showrunners don't try to shoehorn in some kind of tension between straight people. If showrunners don't, fans are always THRILLED to ship them. Until shows get better writers that know how to write friendships of any kind, I'm sticking firmly in the camp of happier to see the gays kissing rather than hearing showrunners whine about how they gave us representation so why aren't we happy to see said rep not acting on their sexuality in any way.

hello there!

i'm sorry for offending you, and i might've explained my thoughts poorly.

i do not believe we have to sacrifice one or the other, or that there's anything wrong with queers kissing and the "obvious" ( still not sure if that's the right word ) being canon.

what i do believe though is that, especially since comics and other online forms of media ( youtube, for ex ) are becoming more and more diverse and becoming more popular in general, there are a lot of opportunities for different topics of queer romance.

i'm very aware of how difficult it can be for shows/movies specifically, so i think i should've mentioned that i wasn't only talking about TV media, but i'm not sure how relevant that would be in hindsight.

to talk more about the unrequited love conversation, i definitely should've specified more on that! i understand how that can come off as incredibly queerbaiting, and often is, if it was one "potential" queer relationship.

however, i didn't mean to give off that i meant it in that context. i am a writer who makes all of my characters POC + queer, and only not do that in rare circumstances, so it was natural of me to think of what i said in that specific context, instead of how it could come off to others. i apologize for that!

i meant unrequited love, and potential "will they, won't they"s in the context of many already existing queers and queer relationships, rather than the sole relationship with clear queer subtext being used as a bait to lure in the gays.

i know this is less possible to do with TV media than it could be with social media and comics/manga, but i don't feel like that should stop others from trying to play around with these concepts. as time goes on, hopefully society will too, and queer media on TV, books, anything it can be in, can be even MORE diverse!

i'm very sorry for coming off as insensitive and like i want the old things back, this was my own doing by being unclear about my personal experiences of what i was saying. i kinda forgot that not everyone knows what i'm talking about ^^;

thank you for telling me this, though! it'll help me keep in mind of my explanations in the future, and i hope this cleared up your worries or concerns!

TLDR; my discussion was in context of multiple queer people/queer relationships in media, but my wording ended up being misleading and most likely came off as irritated or bitter. and, there is NO problem with having the crystal-clear gays kiss! if they're not unhealthy, let them kiss all they want!

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Wednesday, April 24th, 2024!

Day 9 :) 🥳

6:23am: God I feel amazing right now I'm so proud of myself :') I love my life. Did a little grocery shopping last night, new litter box, gonna get my brakes done today. Life is good! Amen!! Everyday is a new day and I get to live it however I choose to. ❤️

11:40pm: Day 9 complete! It feels like 9 months. I'm not even joking. Once you start dating other people it's just like who? My focus is elsewhere. Texting a guy for two nights straight and don't know what to think?? Kinda odd, seems kinda nervous as hell but I don't know why exactly. Definitely a little neuro spicy but I can't specify. I think he thinks we're exclusive but we haven't met in person yet?? Don't really want to burst his bubble but that's not exactly how I work rn. Unadded me from tinder after having a semi serious conversation with him but again..... I haven't seen you in person yet so it's not really giving exclusive to me homie. Plus he literally declined my date offer for Tuesday night after I asked him yesterday if weeknights were ok to hang. It's giving weeknights are ok to bang but not hang? 🚩🚩 It's giving 1,2,3 strikes you're out but I'm not one to call it quits so fast 😂 not gonna slow my roll for someone who doesn't like nerd nite 🤓 lame-o.

On the bright side, I did have a hella stressful day and talking to him was a really good distraction from me spiraling about money, so I'll give him that ❤️ I just don't know if I can do another neuro spicy guy that I can't read very well. $300 car stuff turned into $700 unexpectedly but it is what it is. Cheaper than a car accident!!! 🙏🙌 Glad they caught it because I didn't know anything was wrong. SEE this is why I hate my tire light. Yesterday it was 60* today it was 85* and keeps doing that aka that's why I thought the light was on. No I literally had a bent rim that was disassociating from my tire 🤦‍♀️ Could've been a damn nightmare on the highway. They should have two tire lights, one for BS and one for serious 😂

Tomorrow is the final grind and then we'll really kick this shit off Friday I suppose. Could kick off tomorrow but it just wouldn't feel right to me. I know I'm good but it's not the same until you walk out of that exam review.

Still need to continue to work on myself, find friends, Meetup groups and hobbies, gym classes, things that make me an interesting person. You're getting there, I love you.

[orcelito]

My advisor is so nice to me 😭😭😭😭

Also gr8 news the com minor isn't gonna take much time for me so helll yea

[demon-girl-2004]

SPOILING YOU

Requested by @hellbornediamonddreams

Gender not specified

Romantic

Nezha reborn monkey king

When I tell you this man has MONEY! I shit you not I mean homie has a whole water fall in his house and a Damn slot machine for liquor!!! Abs he gives the best gifts because their always the gifts he knows you want- like when you think he’s not listening or paying attention- which he always is- and it’s just a sweet surprise

Monkey king RB

I don’t know why but i can see him going both way in he “spoils” you by giving his love and “affection” because he really doesn’t understand spoiling you but on other hand i can see him being smug and giving you lavish gifts just to see your face go red or to see you smile. I guess it can go both way depending on who he's with

DOTA 2 Wukong

I am so sorry but this man is the literal definition of “ I am gonna spoil the hell out of you” and he does it all with a smug look on his face why? Because he KNOWS no one can match him when it comes to spoiling you and that makes him happy as hell. Oh you were staring at a necklace? Consider it yours! Your clothes ripped? He’ll get you the best he can find!

SMITE Wukong

While he is wise in this universe and far more king like he is still su wukong and he still has a huge ego and he is a rash so yeah he’s gonna spoil you! It strokes his ego when he gives you something you thought you would never be able to have especially if you're from a poorer background. Don't get me wrong! He doesn’t just do it for his ego he genuinely loves spoiling you!

LEAGUE OF LEGENDS wukong

He TRIES to spoil you with his affection and fruit! He’ll warp you in his arms for hours and bring you your favorite fruits and foods and meditate with you! I don’t think this version of wukong is very materialistic so things like expensive gifts or lavish things are saved for important dates.

LEGO wukong

He spoils you with affection and a few gifts from time to time but his gifts mean something! Like when he’s spoiling you with gifts they're always things you need or things you have been talking about for a while! Wukong doesn’t like giving meaningless gifts, he thinks you;ll take it as he’s not listening

LEGO macaque

Yes. just yes. He spoils you because he can’t always be around with his line of work. But be warned most of his gifts are stolen! I am serious! This dude pays for things, yes but half the time while he’s paying he’s using his shadow to pick up a few things for you on his way out!

————————————-

Masterlist

I hope you enjoyed this!

[star-puff]

hq boys as failed proposals

note: once again, this is basically just a cowritten post with @seijch, thank you for nothing and everything at once (and. ig. for trying to keep goshiki in. congrats 🙄✋)

feat. bokuto, futakuchi, atsumu, kuroo, terushima, ushijima, (+ bonus: goshiki)

bokuto → you go out for lunch with him to have a serious discussion on where the relationship is going to go, how you feel the two of you should slow down a little and be more conscious of the progression of the relationship. he hires an entire circus that interrupts your walk to the restaurant to help him with the proposal. literal chaos. you’re just staring as gymnasts are flipping across the town square with ribbons and confetti and bokuto gets down on one knee with an entire banner behind him that reads “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”. the entire town is looking.

you, sweating: y...yes 💔

needless to say you have a very important conversation with him after you get home DFSLKDJ. “babe...*kisses forehead* we need to talk 💔”. it’s okay though, you get married a few years down the line after this whole fiasco dies down and you talk it all out :”)

futakuchi → kenji...kenji . he thinks it’s a great plan, the best plan ever. a stroke of genius, if you will. he tells it all to aone the week before, how he’s going to hide the ring inside the tiramisu and you’re going to find it and say yes and live happily ever after with him. aone just nods slowly, thinking about the many, many ways this could all go wrong.

aone: i don’t think this is a good--

kenji: you’re RIGHT aone, it’s a GREAT idea!!!

there’s just no stopping him, so aone just ends up hiring an emt on standby in case anything happens. you end up needing it 💔 turns out, the chances of choking on a hidden ring in a cake is much higher than kenji originally thought! you say yes after a very panicked heimlich maneuver; you’re both crying for the wrong reasons.

atsumu → he hires one of those planes to propose with smoke in the sky. atsumu has everything planned out, the date location, the speech, the ring, it’s all going according to plan. you’re honestly suspecting something too, because when has atsumu ever been this jittery during a date? and finally it’s time, the sun is beginning to set, the sky is streaks of gold and orange hues, atsumu whispers “look up!” and watches your eyes widen in shock as you breathe in a soft gasp.....only to see your smile drop. he looks up, confused, a little hurt. the sky reads, “will you marry me, tanaka <3″ with a little loopdeeloop heart at the end. it’s the wrong plane.

kuroo → he takes you out to disneyland! kuroo waits until night falls, you’re strolling around the theme park in warm summer air, holding hands and laughing at the small jokes exchanged. you reach the wishing well, blue and purple lights illuminating your path, he gets down on one knee, makes a somewhat nervous speech about how he wants to be with you for the rest of his life, and you say yes, because who wouldn’t? kuroo takes the ring out, his hands shaking, but the ring takes advantage of his sweaty butter fingers and does the ol’ slippity dippity and flies out from his grasp. in a desperate attempt to catch it, he tries to reach for it before it hits the ground, only, his volleyball instincts kick in and he accidentally hits it up, the ring flying in a perfect arc into the wishing well. one touch indeed 💔

terushima → terushima thinks of the proposal idea during one of his boys nights out with his friends...so we all know where this is going. he’s literally drunk out of his mind confessing his love for you to the peanut gallery every chance he gets; they make a drinking game out of it. but in any case, here’s the master plan: get one of his friends to take you to a specified rendezvous point where terushima has all his fancy rose petals set up, heart balloons strung up, “will you marry me?” written big and bold behind him. he even has a bouquet of all your favorite flowers ready. he’s all excited, and he’s waiting, and waiting, and waiting. and waiting. an hour passes and you still haven’t shown up. he thinks you caught wind of his master plan and this is his rejection, except. his homie took you to the wrong spot 💔 you think he stood you up. you almost break up; it’s your anniversary 💔

ushijima → god...it’s the worst case of a misunderstanding. you’re at your friend’s wedding reception and you’re literally eating hor d’oeuvres when he comes up to you and asks “will you walk down the aisle with me?”. you’re confused as hell, a little offended that he’d ask you this because toshi...it’s not our wedding what are you talking about...so you say “what?? no????” and leave it at that. only he’s literally giving you the silent treatment for the rest of the wedding and on the ride home and you’re still Confused As Hell because you literally did nothing and suddenly your boyfriend of two years won’t even speak to you. you arrive home and he looks at you with the saddest expression and goes “am i to assume that this is intended to be a break up?” WAKATOSHI 😭😭😭 

bonus: 

goshiki → everything goes so well...so so well...he does everything in his little goshiki way, precious precious boy. you’ve been expecting a proposal for months now because of your constant talks about the future and his not-so-subtle questions about what jewelry you like and if you would prefer gold or silver on a Hypothetical Engagement Ring. the moment comes, he’s about to get on one knee to propose and pats his pockets to take out the ring box. pat pat pat. it’s not there. you’re waiting for the moment for his knee to drop and it just...never comes SDFJLDKF goshiki’s literally about to cry. tendou had the ring for safe keeping and goshiki forgot to ask for it back 💔

[takeachanceontoday]

None of you fucks get context SHIT SAID IN THE LMK DISCORD MEME #3

Change pronouns as needed. If sent to a multi specify muse. 

"Remember children, you can only die when you reach peak coething™️ in the proper pose™️ with dramatic music playing dramatically in the background." - 

"UGH.... Fucking Monkey" 

'PICK ONE YOU FUCKING PING PONG BITCH'

"WHY IS COCONUT MALL ON MY INCOMING TRAFFIC PLAYLIST" -

it’s thirsty thursday and i’m about to drown loki in water 

"got to be the prettiest bitch on the battlefield when you stomp someones face in" 

"NO BREATHING. BREATHING IS FOR PREPS.." 

"a dick. made with skin" -

its thursday or as i like to call it, thursday -

because fuck you and your rabbids - 

bro he a whore fr goddamn 

discovering syntax has actually been blatantly horny on main but somehow kept it subtle?? 

I was writing a reply how the fuck did yall descend into hell so fast 

LET THE MAN BE FREE TO EXPRESS HIMSELF -

jesus doesnt play with legos, he plays with roblox

"who wins a man who rose from the dead after being tortured and left to rot, or one spiteful monkey"

PULL THE THE TRIGGER BUDDHA -

Me and my homie Jesus are going to have a fucking sip of wine and stay five feet apart. 

damn buddha has an oral fixation hu 

yo u deleted my bf what the hell man -

i keep reading macquitus as taquitos

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

*kicks down youre blog door* i demand thunderhoof doing only fans, and his s/o walks in on him, can be nsfw, can be stupid and funny, i trust you with this prompt homie and have an amazing day

I fucking knew you’d come in my blog like this, you degenerate. Let’s fucking go.

*Also I know what only fans IS, but only kinda know how it works, so forgive me for those of you who actually use this site.

“And thanks for the tip...oh frag you, that’s a long ass name, I ain’t sayin’ that shit.”

Thunderhoof was cutting the timing a bit close this month, but these horny losers needed their content, and he needed their thirsty, thirsty cash. Sometimes it was pictures, sometimes it was just some lewd posts about what he was in the mood for. Tonight, he decided to interact with these sluts, really get them eager for next week (He wasn’t gonna specify, but he really had something special planned), and boy was it working. A little live chat was sending these bitches into a frenzy, and they even threw a little tips here and there. But it wasn’t enough. Tips were small, and not as plentiful as he’d like. He scoffed as he scrolled past the adoration, the begging for some naughty shit.

“Listen, you guys, you subbing to me aint enough. You want my tip, imma need some of yours.”

Then his data pad dinged. Now THOSE were numbers he liked to see. He grinned.

“There we go! Finally, gettin’ some respect around here! Let’s see, what did your message...of fucking course.”

Thunderhoof loved the money, but dammit some of these guys were freaks. He dug into his box of random shit, and put the kitty ears on his helm. Chat went bat fucking shit, and the tips started to slowly trickle in. Nice, but he could always get more.

“I’m not gonna fuckin do it-”

Then a whopper of a tip came in. Fucking hell. He put his hand next to his face, curled up like a cat paw, and swallowing his pride, did it.

“...nya.”

God did chat fucking love that. He knew people wanted to see his naughty bits, but being a cat? That was kinda new to him, honestly. He was about to respond to another message, when the door beside him opened.

“Hey babe, I was wondering if you wanted to go out for din-what the fuck are you doing?”

Thunderhoof had to take a moment to reflect on his life. On his choices. He was sitting in his room, filming himself while talking to strangers, and wearing cat ears. His tablet dinged, and he shrugged.

“Well NOW I’m about to jerk off on camera and call ‘puppytail734’ daddy, and he’s offerin’ another tip if you stay and watch. That’s what I’m doin’”

Hey. Being the head of the mafia ain’t cheap.

[bumblesimagines]

The Oldest Pogue

Part 4

Request: Yes or No

~

"Think they got away?" Pope asked. (Y/N) shrugged, munching on the bag of chips. He offered them some, watching them stick their hands in.

“50/50 chance that they got away or got arrested. I already know I’m gonna get a lecture when I get home.” (Y/N) sighed, handing the bag to JJ and shaking his head. 

“Well, this is what you signed up for the moment you became friends with us.” JJ said, shrugging lightly. (Y/N) nodded, licking his lips. 

“Where are we supposed to meet up with them anyway? They never actually specified.” (Y/N) ran a hand through his hair, starting the van up again and driving. 

“Maybe I should check the station.” (Y/N) muttered. 

“We can drop you off there and you can figure out what happened.” JJ said. (Y/N) nodded, stopping and getting out. JJ patted his shoulder. (Y/N) started walking down the sidewalk, heading to the department. He entered, looking around. 

“Hey, dad.” He greeted, sitting down at the chair. Shoupe hummed, leaning back in his chair.

“You know... Your friends were in here not long ago. Had to arrest them for assault and battery.” Shoupe said. (Y/N) blinked, lips parting. 

“What?”

“John B smashed the ranger’s hand in a glass window.” Shoupe stared at him. (Y/N) grunted, leaning back and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Are these the type of people you want in your life, (N/N)? People with charges?” Shoupe asked, staring at his son. (Y/N) licked his lips. 

“Dad, I-”

“I let you hang out with them because I hoped you would be a good influence on them. I thought you’d keep them out of trouble, not mother them.”

“I’m only one person, dad. What’d you expect me to do? Be at multiple places? They’re teenagers! I’m a teenager! You want us to act like adults and then get mad when we do.” (Y/N) huffed, getting up and walking away. Shoupe sighed deeply.

“(Y/N)-”

“I’ll see you at home.” (Y/N) mumbled, leaving the department and walking down the sidewalk. He crossed his arms, heading home. He entered, going to his room and collapsing on the bed. He turned his head, looking at a frame. (Y/N) picked it up, staring at the picture of his mom. She had passed away when she was younger, leaving only (Y/N) and his dad. Shoupe tried to be a good father. He taught (Y/N) to be polite, kind, and humble. He let out a shakey sigh, eyes watering. Part of him always felt that his mother’s death forced him to grow up faster. He learned to cook at a young age, took up most of the chores, did his schoolwork alone and without anyone elses help. (Y/N) stood, starting to tidy up his room to clear his mind. He redid everything, changing where the bed and drawers were. 

“(Y/N)!” (Y/N) drew open his curtains, spotting the van. John B flashed him a peace sign as JJ opened the side door. (Y/N) grinned, leaving his room. He left the house, locking the door behind him before jogging to the van and getting in.

“You and me are gonna have a serious chat later.” (Y/N) pointed at John B. JJ and Pope laughed.

“Ooh, Mama Pogue is out and did not come to play.” JJ grinned. (Y/N) rolled his eyes, ruffling his hair up. John B started driving, heading to The Wreck. (Y/N) let JJ rest his head on his shoulder, looking out the window. They parked in front of the joint.

“Alright, (Y/N).” John B looked at him. (Y/N) sighed and rolled his eyes, getting out and entering. He greeted Kiara’s dad, finding her cleaning tables.

“Hey, Kie. We’re going somewhere.” (Y/N) said. Kiara shook her head. “Not going.” (Y/N) hummed, stepping outside. 

“She said no.” He called. John B got out of the van as (Y/N) headed down and into the van.

“What happened with Kie and John B?”

“They got in trouble.” (Y/N) replied as he sat beside JJ. “She’ll come around.” 

“She always does when it’s John B.” Pope mumbled. (Y/N) and JJ looked at each other, chuckling softly. 

“What? Jealous?” JJ asked. (Y/N) gently nudged him. Pope stayed silent, confirming his friends thoughts. Kiara and John B eventually came out of the joint. Pope moved to the back with (Y/N) and JJ. They made light talk as they drove, sky darkening. JJ moved to the trunk to get comfortable, rolling a blunt.

“Mind if I skip this one?” JJ asked, smoking the blunt. (Y/N) rolled his eyes. “Today’s been a long day, and a lot of weird stuff’s gone down. I’m just gonna lay low. Do you want a hit of this?” 

“You know he doesn’t smoke, J.” (Y/N) mumbled, taking the blunt from JJ. 

“Yeah, I like to keep the signal clear.” Pope said, watching (Y/N) smoke. 

“Dude, okay. Do you understand that your problem is that you don’t get creative? (Y/N)’s the deputy’s son and he does it!”

“Quit peer pressuring him, J. We learned that in school.” (Y/N) handed the blunt back to him. Pope chuckled.

“Bold of you to assume I went or paid attention to school.” JJ replied.

“I can tell.” (Y/N) grinned, shifting and looking at him. JJ huffed, pouting slightly. 

“I only do it to deal with the nonsense you guys bring.” (Y/N) shrugged. JJ placed a hand over his heart dramatically. 

“You wound me, Mama Pogue.”

“Look, I know I was wrong about the lighthouse, alright?” John B glanced back at them. The boys quieted down, looking at him. “And probably wrong about everything else. But I- I was right about one thing.” John B stared forward. 

“My dad is trying to tell me something.” John B glanced at them all. He slowly came to a stop.

“Which is why we’re at a cemetery?” (Y/N) cocked a brow. It had already turned pitch black so they needed flashlights. JJ turned his on, flinching when the light shone in his eyes, blinding him for a bit. (Y/N) snorted, shaking his head as they got out of the van and entered.

“This place is scary.” Kiara mumbled. (Y/N) nodded, shining his flashlight around.

“John B, what are we doing?” Kiara asked, glancing at him.

“You know when you’re trying to remember a song and can’t remember who sings it?”

“Yeah.” 

“So, Redfield. This whole time, I thought it was a place, right? But it’s not. It’s a person.” John B said, approaching a grave and shining the light on the name.

“Voi-effing-la.” John B looked at them. (Y/N) hummed, looking over the grave.

“See, my great-great-great grandmother, Olivia Redfield. That was her maiden name.” John B explained. Silence past over them as they took it in. 

“Come, help me with the door.” John B said, walking to it and pushing. JJ and Pope helped him while (Y/N) and Kiara looked on. 

“It’s like 700 pounds, It’s not gonna budge.” Pope grunted. 

“We didn’t come this far to get this far, alright?” JJ breathed out. (Y/N) sighed, wishing he had smoked a bit more. Suddenly, a snake poked it’s head out of a large crack, hissing at them. (Y/N) reached out, pulling JJ back as they jumped back.

“That’s a moccasin. Ye olde Dr. Cottonmouth. Death in tall grass.” JJ said before he started barking at it, trying to scare it away more. (Y/N) rolled his eyes.

“JJ, shut up.”

“You’re gonna wake the dead, man.” Pope huffed. (Y//N) patted his shoulder.

“They’re afraid of dogs.” JJ told them. (Y/N) nodded.

“We know. What does a cornered animal do? Fight. We don’t need it whipping around and biting you.” (Y/N) said. JJ let out a sigh and nodded.

“Wait, wait.” He stopped John B from approaching the door. “If there’s one, there’s probably dozens.”

“Snakes are solitary animals, J.” (Y/N) mumbled, watching him start barking again.

“Stop barking at the snakes.” John B huffed. Pope sighed.

“John, look. We’re not gonna get in there. It’s not budging.” Pope said. 

“I can get through.” Kiara mumbled, flashing her light over the crack that the snake had come out of. 

“What?” The boys looked at her. “You think you can fit through that hole?”

“Look, this is about your dad.” Kiara looked at him. “I honestly really don’t believe in it but you deserve to know the truth.” Kiara shrugged, going up the the crack. They helped her get the overgrown roots off before she climbed inside with help from JJ. Pope handed her the flashlight. 

“I need some more light.” She called, looking around. John B stuck his hand with his lantern in. 

“Find anything?” He asked, voice hopeful.

“Oh, my god..” Was the answer they got. Kiara stuck her hand back out, handing over something to John B. (Y/N) and JJ helped her climb back out, getting her out of the grave safely. John B stared at the package. (Y/N) stood beside JJ, glancing at him when he lit another blunt. He turned around, hearing the sound of a vehicle.

“Holy shit..” John B whispered. “This is from my dad.” 

“Code red. Code red. Square groupers! Square groupers!” JJ called, quickly turning and pulling (Y/N) along. They quickly hid behind the grave, turning their lights off so they wouldn’t be seen.

“Is it them?”

“Homies got a gun.” JJ replied, watching them. Kiara shook her head, getting up.

“Screw this.” She mumbled, taking off in the direction of the van. The boys quickly followed her to a gate. They climbed over the wall, Pope getting stuck on the fence while trying to get away.

“Guys, guys! I’m stuck!” Kiara and (Y/N) went to help while JJ took out the gun, pointing it at Pope. (Y/N) glanced back at him, muttering an ‘oh my god’ at his friends antics.

“Pope, don’t move, okay?” John B quickly pushed his arm down while (Y/N) and Kiara tugged on Pope, attempting to get him down as quickly as possible.

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re gonna rip me!” The sound of clothes tearing made (Y/N) snort as they got Pope down but without pants. They laughed as they ran back to the van, getting in. John B drove off as they snickered, teasing Pope. They went back to John B’s place, entering. JJ made a beeline for the kitchen, getting some bread. 

“That bread had mold on it like two days ago.” Pope said as he sat down at the table with John B. JJ glanced at him. 

“I’ll just pull off the bad parts.” JJ shrugged. “Plus, mold is good for you. It’s just a natural organism.” 

“Shit is natural but you don’t see people eating it like it’s nutella.” (Y/N) mumbled, grabbing the remaining bread and throwing it out. They went to the table, watching John B open the package. (Y/N) looked at JJ when he gagged and spat out the bread, throwing it in the trash. He pulled at the bad parts, hoping he could salvage it. John B pulled out a map, looking at the X.

“X marks the spot.” Pope said, pointing to it. (Y/N) looked at the coordinates. John B felt something else in the package, pulling out a tape recorder.

“What’s that?” JJ asked, brows furrowing slightly.

“A tape recorder, dumbass.” Kiara replied. John B clicked play, listening to the message from Big John, John B’s father. They listened to him talk about the Royal Merchant. (Y/N) looked at John B as the static cackled and the recorder shut off, noting the look in his eyes.

“Holy shit, he did it!” JJ exclaimed as John B stood, stepping away. (Y/N) smacked the back of JJ’s head, approaching John B and wrapping his arms around him, Kiara joining him as John B sobbed. 

“It’s okay..” (Y/N) whispered, comforting him as he had done many times before in the last nine months. Once John B had calmed down, they stepped outside, going to the port and flickering on a lamp. They sat on the railings, Kiara playing on a ukulele. 

“How much was it again?” JJ asked, causing Kiara to pause and look up, gently placing the ukulele down on her lap.

“400 mil.” Pope replied, staring at the lantern. John B stayed silent, staring out at the marsh with a distant gaze.

“Alright.” JJ sighed, tired of the silence. “Let’s talk the split.” JJ said. 

“Now, before we say “evenly”, may I remind you that I am the only one that can properly defend us from those groupers who were after us. Protection? Not cheap, okay?” JJ held up the gun, blue eyes flickering between them.

“You haven’t trained.” Pope pointed out, glancing at the gun. “Youtube, bro! That’s at least a five percent bump right there.” JJ responded, shrugging. (Y/N) shook his head, snorting quietly.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself waving that shit around.” (Y/N) pointed out as well, keeping an eye on the gun.

“Not if I train. I’ll be self taught.”

“In the art of shooting guns?” (Y/N) cocked a brow, not quite believing the words coming out of his mouth. JJ nodded, staring into his (E/C) eyes with a goofy smile. The lantern helped light them off, showing their color off more clearly.

“Well, what are you gonna do with your percent, Pope?” Kiara asked. Pope looked down at a lantern, fiddling with his fingers.

“Pay for college in advance.” He replied, nodding as he looked at them. “And also, textbooks. Those are expensive.” He added.

“What about you, Kie?” JJ looked at her, head tilting.

“Yeah, what does a socialist do when she’s rich?” Pope asked, looking at her. Kiara chuckled.

“Just wanna make a double album.” She shrugged, looking between the three boys. “About OBX, the Pogues. You know, the way Catch a Fire is about Kingston. Record it at Marley Studio, Peter Tosh producing.” 

“Peter Tosh is dead.” Pope reminded, brows furrowing. “I know. The spirit of Peter Tosh will never die.” She raised her can, a playful grin on her face.

“What about you, (Y/N)?” Kiara looked at the boy beside her, everyone’s attention shifting onto him. (Y/N) shrugged, staring up at the night sky. JJ noted how the light from the lantern lit up his face perfectly.

“I’ll... Save it. Store it away. Get a sugar daddy, and then become mega rich.” (Y/N) grinned. Kiara laughed as JJ glanced at the wooden boards under them, gently biting his bottom lip.

“That’s my boy!” Kiara hollered as she fist-bumped (Y/N), smiling widely.

“I’m gonna get a big ass house on Figure Eight and go full Kook.” JJ said, looking between them.

“You’re gonna go full Kook?” Pope questioned, cocking a brow as he turned his head to look at the troublemaking Pogue.

“Yep. Get a marble statue of myself, and then I’m gonna get a koi pond.” JJ nodded, smiling. His friends laughed.

“Gonna go golfing too?” (Y/N) asked. JJ nodded. “I’ll be the best one there. You better visit too.” JJ stared at him, giving a light shrug. “Hell, I’ll be your sugar daddy.”

“You? My sugar daddy? You’re more likely to become my sugar baby.” (Y/N) ruffled JJ’s blonde hair, smiling. JJ ignored the way his cheeks heated up, a smile breaking out on his face

“What are you gonna do, JB?” Pope asked. They got silent, looking at him. John B cracked a small smile, looking at them. His eyes flickered between his friends faces.

“To going full Kook.” He said, raising his can. They raised their cans, sharing smiles and laughs. “To going full Kook!”

(Y/N) stared at the water, not noticing JJ staring at him. His sunglasses helped make it less obvious that he was ogling him but John B could tell. JJ came out to him as bi and confided in him when he realized he had a crush on (Y/N). JJ whistled, getting their attention. JJ nodded to another boat.

“You guys see that? That’s the Malibu 24-MXZ, the world’s finest wakesetter.” JJ told them. “Number one in luxury, quality, and performance.” 

“200k. Easily.”

“We picked the wrong parents.” Pope mumbled, a bit of envy clear in his voice.

“I hate to break it to you guys, but that’s Topper and his girlfriend.” Kiara said. (Y/N) licked his lips, watching them pass by. Sarah raised her sunglasses, glancing at them, though her gaze seemed to linger on John B.

“Don’t act like you don’t see us, bitch.” Kiara shook his head. (Y/N) cleared his throat, cocking a brow at the insult. Kiara licked her lips, running a hair through her curls.

“Anyways...” He sat up, rolling his neck and shoulders, hearing a soft pop. JJ looked at him, eyes flickering down to eye his shirtless body one more time. (Y/N)’s skin was smooth, shining a bit in the sunlight. JJ preferred the moonlight. He loved when the two would go out at night and sit on their surfboards, staring at the moon and the gentle waves. They hadn’t had much time for it lately with Shoupe being stricter than usual and the mess John B had dragged them into.

“Come on, (Y/N). Don’t you want some of that?” Pope asked, tilting his head. (Y/N) snorted.

“The boat or Sarah?” (Y/N) cocked a brow. JJ chuckled, ignoring the stab of jealousy as he shifted his gaze onto the water. John B noticed, staying quiet. 

“Either one.” 

“Neither. Sarah’s nice and the boat might be pretty and fast but it’s still a boat.” (Y/N) shrugged, glancing at the boat. He couldn’t care less about those things. As long as the boat didn’t break down in the middle of the ocean, it was good.

“Just like Sarah. She might be pretty and rich, but she’s still a bitch.” Kiara said. The boys shared a look. They never understood the beef that seemed to be one-sided between Sarah and Kiara. John B drove back to his place, tying the boat as Kiara slid on her pants and shirt, getting out and onto the wooden port. (Y/N) grabbed his shirt, sliding it on much to JJ’s disappointment. John B snorted, nudging him with his elbow.

“Way to make it subtle.” He mumbled. JJ flushed, huffing lightly as he put a shirt on and grabbing his snapback. They walked to the van, getting in.

“So, where are we going?” (Y/N) asked. John B glanced back at him as he turned the van on. 

“Somewhere that has wifi so we can figure out where the Merchant is.” He replied. The other’s furrowed their brows.

“But The Cut has no power. Only Figure Eight does.” Pope pointed out.

“Ooh, I know a place with computers.” JJ said, nodding as he glanced at them. John B cocked a brow. 

“Just drive.” JJ huffed, rolling his eyes.

[nachotrash]

INCORRECT QUOTES WITH MOOTS PART IDK

ft: @lilikags @catchmewiddershins @paradise-creator and me

Yamaguchi: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween? Yaku: Suga is the scariest thing I could think of! Suga: Yaku told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible.

-------------------

Lili, to Shibaru: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

(it knowwws-)

---------------

Suga: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes... Suga: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps. Shibaru: ...That took an unexpected turn. Yamaguchi: So did their neck.

--------------

Wid: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO- Yaku: It was me... Wid: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

-----------------

Wid: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers! Yaku: Please, just say fuck.

(wid- i swear-)

--------------

Shibaru: *is visibly upset* Wid: Shibaru, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out candyland wasn't an actual country.

--------------

Lili: You're a lying piece of shit! Wid: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Yamaguchi: I'm leaving and I'm taking Suga with me! Pauline, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

------------

Wid: What time is it? Suga: I don’t know, pass me that saxaphone and we’ll find out Suga: *BLASTS the saxaphone* Pauline: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING Suga: It’s 2 am

----------------

Pauline: Yaku, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. Yaku, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky.

(OK BUT LIKE-)

---------------

Suga: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness. Yaku: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

(FIRST OF ALL- HES ACTUALLY A GEMINI. SECOND OF ALL: FUCK YOU YAKU)

--------------------

Pauline: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail. Wid: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

--------------------

Lili: What’s sexting? Yamaguchi: I'm not having this conversation with you.

-------------------

Suga: Where's Shiyu? Pauline: Don't worry, I'll find them. Pauline, shouting: Yamaguchi sucks! Shiyu, distantly: Yamaguchi is the best person ever! Fuck you! Pauline: Found them.

-----------------

Shibaru: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you. Shiyu: Being a fish. Shibaru: Well, shit.

------------------

Pauline: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Shibaru: Several traffic violations. Shiyu: Three counts of resisting arrest. Yamaguchi: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Suga: Also, that’s not our car.

--------------

Shibaru: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd. Yaku: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue. Shibaru: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

-----------------

Pauline: Hey, are you okay? Shiyu: Yeah. Pauline: You don't look okay... Shiyu: Then stop looking.

---------------------

Shiyu: Do you cook? Yamaguchi: I made a cake once. Lili: Yeah, it was good. Yamaguchi: Really? Lili: Don’t make me lie twice, Yamaguchi.

----------------

Lili: Bonjour, Suga. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi? Suga: No, I don't want to sleep with you. Lili: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

(*snorts in middle school french*)

-----------

Yaku: Wid, what do you have? Wid: A KNIFE! Yaku: Okay, have fu- Yamaguchi: NO!

-----------

Pauline: You think you're smarter than everyone else. Yamaguchi: I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.

---------------

Yaku: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons? Suga: Um, make lemonade? Yaku: No, they squeeze them right back into life’s eyes!

---------------

Pauline: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

(TAKE A BREAK OKAY ILY)

-----------

Lili: I can never give Yamaguchi shit because I’m jealous of them. They look at their life and say, “Sweet! This is perfect!” Lili: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”

------------

Pauline: Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

------------

Yaku: Do you take constructive criticism? Yamaguchi: Not without crying

-----------

Wid: I am in charge of this disaster! Suga: I have a name, you know.

-------------

Yaku: What’s up? I’m back. Lili: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Yaku: Death is a social construct.

-------------------

Shibaru: What's the signal when something goes wrong? Lili: We yell, 'oh shit.' Shiyu: ...That'll work.

-----------------

Suga: Are we really going to let Lili keep Shibaru? Wid: We kept Pauline.

----------------

Lili: It's locked. You got a lock pick? Wid: Yeah- Yamaguchi: *kicks in the door*

-------------

Shiyu: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie- Yaku: Eyy, homie! Lili: But then there's cootie... Shibaru: Die.

----------------

Shibaru: I failed my safety training course today. Pauline: Why, what happened? Shibaru: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?" Pauline: And? Shibaru: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

-----------------

Shiyu: I am in charge of this disaster! Yamaguchi: I have a name, you know.

----------

Lili: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone. Wid: And I need you to be less vague and weird.

[allbrainrot]

hello!!! sobs i hope its ok to come by and request smth for a male reader 👉👈 id like 🖤 for felix, please? thank you if you do it!!!

Yes, I will do my best!! I am a raging wlw I must support the mlm homies 😭🖤 You are also an epic swag fellow kinnie shoutout to you- if you couldn’t tell by my profile I kin Marianne LMFAO and I’m actually named after another main kin Allister SWSH or Alli for short 😏✌🏻

Felix:

- He definitely wouldn’t ever directly mention the ball or anything about it because that’s way too close to getting vulnerable around people, gross! That doesn't mean that he hasn’t thought about it though, Felix treats this shit like preparing for battle and he’s constantly on his toes figuring out what to wear, how to do his hair, what he’s going to say to you etc. 

- If you're like.. low-key about your sexuality or haven't really officially told everyone at the monastery, he will definitely have at least 3 days of inconspicuously eavesdropping on you and your friends until he hears you say something about men and he's like thank the goddess LMAO I think it’s kind of a universal experience for same gender attracted people who don’t know their crush’s sexuality to have that OH SHIT WHAT IF THEY'RE NOT GAY moment 💀

- Most of the Blue Lions have decided to visit the training grounds today, where Felix is naturally located and acting like none of you are there (but he’s definitely like..secretly trying to impress you). That’s where the fateful conversation occurs where a couple other people on the sideline engage you in a conversation about the ball and you drop the info that you’re just not going.

- RIP Felix my man almost drops his sword but luckily for him, he’s already located in the ideal place to relieve his stress! Oh boy if someone was sparring with Felix I wish them luck 😭

- Cue Felix alone in his room screaming into a pillow. Now he still has to try to ask you out but he doesn’t have the cover of the ball to help him! On one hand, he’s relieved that he can stop stressing out about being prepared for it, but on the other hand, have you seen Felix’s S support?? I hope you’re better at interpreting tone/social cues than me because you basically have to translate everything Felix says to what he really means. But if you like Felix and he likes you too then I’m sure you’ve already established a good understanding of each other and you're good at communicating with him!

- On the night that it actually happens and you're just chilling in your room, Felix knows that he really has no other option than to knock on your door. So he just ends up pacing next to your door for like 30 minutes because he has no idea what he’s going to do next. 

- At some point you go out to get yourself water or something so you open the door and you're just like wtf Felix how long have you been here and what the hell are you doing??? SIGH he’s going to get defensive because you caught him off guard and he's embarrassed and nervous AF. And Felix deals with these things by lashing out at people, but if you've been around him a lot it becomes evident where his outburst is actually coming from. Like I said. Felix translation.

- Oh boy this one has been pent up for a looooong time and this particular emotion is one that Felix is the worst at dealing with, so he’s probably gonna say some REALLY mean shit like ‘I felt compelled to check on your lonely ass from the pity of our classmates. But I understand why you're here, there's not a single person in that room who would want to court you’ LIKE HOLY SHIT FELIX YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM 😭😭 but it came out of absolutely nowhere so the real ones know that there’s something going on 😎 

- SO let’s dissect some Felix language, shall we? 1.) Ok no one asked him to come here just admit that you care Felix!! 2.) Hmmmm Felix it’s awfully interesting that you felt the need to specify that you're the only one who understands (Y/N), and it’s REALLY interesting that you've decided to cut off all competition in one sentence sir! 3.) It’s also awfully suspicious that you felt the need to specify that no one at the ball wants to court you, but of course that doesn’t include the one person who isn't there..? 🤔 Yeah ok Felix, we know that you’re just trying to ask out (Y/N) we’re on to you..

- So as someone who has been able to get close enough to Felix to gain his affections, reader sees right through him lol that insult was just a little too oddly specific. Please just put Felix out of his misery and say you like him too LMAO. TOTALLY catches Felix so off guard that it takes a minute to even realize what you had just done, he was fully prepared for yelling. WAIT YOU JUST SAID- BUT HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW- Felix machine malfunctioning. Literally almost falls over but you're there to catch the poor man lmao. 

- Uhhh what does one do with a very flustered Felix in a state of shock??? Just bring him inside I guess??? 😭 Will probably just conk out on your bed if you set him on it mans was in fight or flight mode he's drained + sleeping is an efficient way to escape embarrassment! Exhausted Felix has just kind of accepted that this is his fate and gone tf to sleep..I guess Felix is staying in your room tonight! If you wake up in the middle of the night there will absolutely be an asleep Felix clinging to you there is no space between you anymore..

I hope that was decent!! 😭 When I brainstorm for these things while doing stuff during the day I naturally just insert myself, so I tried my absolute best to just use my sga experiences and view them through a male’s POV! But it’s totally not a bother at all, you all are welcome to request male or enby readers! Otherwise I usually tend to write femme leaning.. ;-; Some fics do have pronouns in them and I typically use they/them to keep it somewhat neutral but feel free to ask for your pronouns! Obviously others are always welcome to read the posted fic and swap in their own pronouns mentally! 

-Tired Allister

[generalskales]

Cole :D

Original Post

Learned how to figure skate from Zane and picked it up quickly.

He tries not to let his uh... issues with cooking stop him from trying to at least learn since his parents never got to teach him.

Cole's dad can't cook for shit either, after his mom died Cole survived on mostly takeout and tv dinners.

His hair is really thick and hates it when it gets too long because it's not pleasant (from personal experience, its hot af and can break combs and brushes 😣)

As he stated while under the effect of Truth Tea, he's terrified of singing. While true, its not the whole truth. He actually hates performing in general but got over the dancing part of it. Singing however, is far from being cured.

On that note, he's actually a good singer, he just needs to focus more on practicing than worry about a crowd.

His green scar faded over time, but around anything dealing with the afterlife it returns. Usually bringing vengeance as it hurts like a mf when it does.

He was probably the closest to Wu even before technically raising him. He was like a weird grandfather and parental substitute he needed that actually listened to him instead of going off to sing and dance.

Actually never loved Nya, but was actually more upset at Jay for thinking that he would ever consider doing such a thing like dating his crush/gf.

The "my body is a temple" thing was actually less of a responsible one thing and more of a response to a rather unfortunate evening he spent bent over a trash can after one too many slices of cake. The other ninja were unaware of it and just thought he was a stick.

Probably the second most cuddly ninja in his sleep (Jay is the one who cant sleep without having something/someone to hug), its not uncommon to find him in Jay's bed because they have similar sleeping needs.

Kai is also the victim of Cole's desire to have someone nearby while he sleeps, but in all fairness everyone tends to crowd him during cold days.

Due to how he ended up for a majority of his life, he is the one who is against kids wanting to be ninja the most. He's seen how it affects the team and doesn't want a child to go through that either.

Disregarding Zane who is probably quite old, Cole is the oldest.

Likes to express affection physically instead of words, which usually fail him. Sometimes you just gotta give your homie a hug.

Edit: if you meant for the ninjago themed asks, specify it for me please it took me too long to realize that you could've meant that specifically

[zombriekid]

From the Shoreline [Haruka Nanase/Gender Neutral Reader]

Series: Free! 

Summary: request- “...can you write a beach scene w him (Haru) swimming w a reader insert? you dont have to make it romantic if you dont feel comfortable doing so” a day at the beach brings to light foreign emotions 

  You’ve always been content to watch from the shoreline, to bask in the peace that the hissing froth affords you as the silk of the cool waves lapses at your knees, and the fine granules of sand slip in between your toes. It’s there, where the land claws at the sea that you find your bedrock; able to enjoy the reaches of the ocean but you’re still fixed on a stable foundation of shell and stone. Sure you’ll find particles scratching at sensitive skin later in your rash guard, that’s a given when you’re sitting in perpetually shifting sand, however this way you’re never fully committing yourself to the depths.  

  Unlike Iwatobi’s residential Human Dolphin Haruka Nanase, who breaches the water’s glittery barrier with a flourish of his dark hair. In the past you’ve jokingly called him a “hydro-phile”, mostly because, be it a toddler’s inflatable kiddie pool or the expansive lanes meant for Olympic swimmers in training, if there’s a body of water caught in his crosshairs then the dude is already diving in before his pants are even off. You know better now, though.  

  It’s not so much that he has a rather odd (see: questionable) obsession with water; in actuality it’s the only way he can freely express himself, convey his thoughts and feelings properly to anyone willing to listen because there are no expectations when you’re swimming. Well, besides keeping yourself afloat at least. Admittedly it took you some time to understand this quirk of his- between Haru’s introverted nature and your inability to read people there were a few years of awkward, fumbling communication between you two that found resolution in sunshine incarnate Makoto.   

  Now you fancy yourself close enough to Haru that you don’t need many words to discern his intentions.  

  ...at least you did before the skin on the back of your neck starts to bristle and tingle, before the pit of your stomach flutters instinctually with the sudden attention set upon you, and nine years worth of friendship and experience quickly clues you in on the source. And sure enough, a brief glance up from your feet and out towards the ocean you notice him peeking at you over the surface with everything from his chin down totally submerged; there’s a glint in the intense blue of his eyes, and his long lashes sit heavy as if he’s lost in thought, like he’s staring absentmindedly at something, but he’s not because he’s focused entirely on you.  

  You don’t know this look.  

  It’s completely new on him. New for him? Or maybe it’s not. It’s just never have you been at the receiving end of it… and it’s twisting your heart into fluttery somersaults within the cage of your chest.  

  Before your mind can run wild, where the questions of “what if” and “could be” are already turning the gears of your over-active imagination, you disrupt the stare down with a hitch in your throat. “What’s up, Haru?” 

  Just like that the fog lifts from his pupils, and though they don’t stray from you they appear to be brighter now, like he’s just realized that you’re physically here. Now you can read the message in his expression. He gives you a quick once over that begins on the shoreline and ends on your face: in other words, “what are you doing?”    

  “I’m not much of a swimmer, remember?”  

  Which is not some feeble attempt to appear modest on your end, you understand enough to keep your head above the waterline and maybe splash a doggy paddle or two, but swimming? Authentic, genuine, complete a specified number of laps within an allotted time period swimming? That was all Haru’s territory- has been since the pool lessons from your kinder years, and even back then you knew that he was leagues ahead. Always will be.

  Never stopping, never looking back; the water doesn’t judge and it doesn’t expecting anything from him.

  It’s freedom. It’s his freedom, and you totally get it now.

  Good thing you’ve always been content to watch from the shoreline.

_______________________________________________________________________

  The expression is back, the brand new one that pours an invisible film over his eyes until the color dulls but sharpens the cognizance, and just like before he’s imposing all of that concentration on to you now. It’s unclear if this... look is intentional or not but either you’re inhaling a sort of icy warmth deep into your lungs as the hairs on your arm rise.

  Chapped lips peel apart yet no sound follows, a problem that stems from the fact that the tip of your tongue is sticking to the back of your incisors, and be it luckily or unluckily you don’t have to keep trying to decode the mystery that is Haruka Nanase because you notice the single but firm nod he gives. Moments after both of his hands begin to gently slice through the saltwater in large, swooping arcs, feet kicking and paddling behind him as his eyes actually seem to catch yours this time.

  And the message is... something? The meaning’s lost to you, though there’s no denying that it is there; still you can’t figure it out by the time he reaches the shore.

  Without a single word, and in the throes of a fierce, cerulean-tinted stare, he offers you a hand with the palm facing towards the sky- and this you absolutely can understand. “Thanks, Haru. But you won’t be able to actually swim if I join,” your left shoulder lifts in a shrug, “was always more of a spectator, ya know?”

  Spectating from the bleachers, spectating from the poolside, from the squeaky plastic of a floaty and the steps in the shallow end and the white foam melting into the sand of the shoreline.

  “I don’t mind.”

  And that statement- those three little words... they change everything.

  Because Haruka Nanase isn’t swimming right now, won’t be if you accept his offer, and he’s aware of that. He’s okay with that, that fact doesn’t bother him. He’s purposefully slowing his pace... so you can catch up.

  Goddammit you’re gonna miss the crap outta this dude.

  The sharp heat of tears stings in the flesh of your eyes but you’re quick to blink them away before you brandish a crooked, toothy grine: “don’t be upset when you gotta save my ass from drowning!”

  He smiles in return and there’s a kind of amusement found in the corners of his mouth- not that you’re focused on that, of course. And it’s not the first time that you’ve seen him like this, it’s just the first where you, and only you, are the cause. Makes you feel... warm. Fuzzy.

  Your fingers curl around his open palm until your grip is firm, and using the entirety of his body weight as an anchor you hoist yourself up on to your feet and follow him into the depths of the ocean. Away from the shoreline.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

  Later, when the horizon sits low on the horizon and the saltwater makes your lips itch, Haru asks you to make him a promise.

  “While I’m in Australia, and you’re starting your first semester at college... will you still talk to m- to us?”

  You don’t acknowledge that near slip of the tongue, and you completely ignore the fluttering in your stomach because of it, so instead with a squeeze of your hand over his, you say: “of course! You’re stuck with me for life, dude.” Platonically, that’s how you mean it. Right? Right.

Not right, not when his fingers squeezes yours back.

“Promise?” 

Swallow the lump in your throat; give him a big ol’ grin.

“Promise.”

a/u: i picture haru as the kind of person that doesn’t really build up an attraction to someone, it just kinda happens and it confuses him but he’s not afraid of it. homie has a hard time expressing himself though so he wouldn’t be the first to act on it, just drop hints here and there in his own unique way. hope y’all enjoy this piece, a bit light hearted than what i usually tackle, ne? hit a like, drop a comment, reblog this ish so that other cool cats can see it! and to the anon who requested this i’m so friggin sorry that it took me this long to fulfill it but still i hope you like it -3- 

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 184

Devin

Greg shakes his head at me. "I'm thinking my nigga sold out. Went and married a white gurl after cleaning up his life."

"What, bruh?" I say chuckling.

"You here cause you got my text and you ready to make real money?" Luke says nodding.

I shake my head. "Last thing I need in money, bruh."

"So it is a white girl?" Greg asks.

"What is wrong with you and white girls? Me and MiMi..."

Luke chokes on his Hennessy a bit. "Shit. MiMi? What the fuck MiMi still doing around? You got money with MiMi ass in the picture?"

"Naw you got it wrong." Greg says. "He wouldn't have shit if MiMi wasn't around. She will rape his ass for all the money he has. Nigga ain't bouts to be happy with no white girl."

I laugh. "Y'all not shit. You know."

Luke chuckles leaning over the table. "What you got in your hand?"

"Something cute." Greg says taking it. "Wedding invitations?"

"The fuck? You marrying little hotty?"

"We married already. Just having a wedding now."

Luke snaps his finger. "Don't open mine motherfucker. Baby ma's wants to open that. When you get married?"

"The first time? Man, it been a minute now. A year?"

"About damn time. I thought you wanted to be an old dog like me." Greg says. He tosses the invite to the side. "We send something back?"

"Bitch, that's your ticket on the jet. You better get that shit and keep it close." I say cutting my eyes at him.

He picks it up off the floor. "Shit."

"A jet? We flying private?" Luke says lighting a blunt.

"I mean unless you wanna provide your own way to the wedding. It's up to you. You still need that invite to attend the wedding."

Greg sighs. "Why you give it to me so early? Here you keep it. Give it to me later."

I take it back from him then stand up. "Some shit never change."

"Where you going?" Luke says sitting up.

"Im supposed to be home resting with the little sick man and his sister."

"Who?" Greg asks.

I laugh. "My kids man."

"Two?"

"When you get a girl? Thats how MiMi fine ass trapped him." Greg laughs.

I chuckle. "We had a baby girl a few months ago."

"What's your answer on this job?" Luke asks.

"Hell naw. I don't need the trouble or the money."

"Damn, I feel disrespected." Luke says. "You turning down food on your table without fucking asking the details. What the fuck you got going on that's putting my little shit to bed? You got enough shit going on in your life? I need to know something. Who shit you moving?"

I frown. This turning into shit too fast. Shit I don't need. Shit I would have never predicted. I was tempted to tell him that I am moving my own shit. That would have made matters worst. Then again at the same time this nigga up here acting like he made me. Either way I don't want his shit in the middle of my shit. I got a few people I deal with for when celebrities ask about drugs. They are his people so ain't shit to say. I glance at Greg to read his expression. His expression read that this was a simple conversation. But as simple as it may seem, it's not simple.

"Bitch you own me?"

"I fed you when you needed to be fed."

I scrunch up my face. "I worked my ass off for what I made. You were only looking out for your fucking self just like me. Don't fucking at like you above me."

"What we doing all this shit for?"

"What I owe you? Name it."

Luke chuckles. "Its like that? You just gonna wipe out whatever amount I specify?"

"I look like a fucking bank?"

"Nigga, smoke a blunt and shut the hell up. You don't owe me shit."

"Including a fucking explanation of how the fuck I'm living my life. But since you want to know so damn bad... I'm currently living with my wife fucking best friend and her damn family."

Greg laughs. "Oh yeah. The one who married Trey Songz."

"The fuck?" Luke says. "You living with them? They feeding your family?"

"Gotta make it in life." I say shrugging walking towards the door.

Luke turns in his seat. "Bitch, I highly doubt that shit."

"Come to the wedding." I shrug. "You'll see."

"Baby Ma's really gonna be hyped about this shit. I might get head up until the damn wedding."

I know I ain't shit for that but I want this nigga to understsnd thst his way ain't the only way. I ain't gojng down the list of shit that Trey has setup for me. Not to this nigga when he in his feelings about me needing him. No nitch I don't need you. I got richer friends in higher places that not looking over their shoulders for the cops to knock their shit down. I want him to feel like he is disposable. Replaced by someone he only wishes to live like. I win. Even though I made myself seem like a fucking loser.

"Wife." I say answering MiMi's video.

"I need you to get the... Where the fuck you at?"

I didn't think about that. I chuckle. "In my car, bae."

"Don't fuck with me you bitch ass motherfucker."

"Mookie, we talked about your language towards me."

She rolls her eyes. "Fine. Don't lie to me you fucking black ass nigga."

I laugh. "Oh that's cute."

"You in the fucking hood?"

"Bae, I'm..."

She pauses the video or something. "Did your dumbass forget where we live?"

"Bae, stop." I say looking out the window. "How can you tell where I'm at?"

"Devin, don't play with me."

I look at the road. "I went by to give Luke and Greg the shit. I told you about that."

"Those wedding invites better be the only thing you gave them."

"Oh naw. I gave them some dick too."

She twists up her face. She was looking at somebody.

"What the fuck he say?" It was Rollie.

I start laughing. "Naw, man."

Rollie was in the view of the camera. "Fuck naw."

"I was being funny." I laugh. "She was going on like I was cheating."

"Fuck that."

"I mean damn Rollie. Here I am thinking he selling drugs or fucking other bitches. Now I fucking got to worry about him fucking the fucking homies. How I supposed to compete with strong jaws."

I laugh hysterically. "Bae, stop."

"Shut the hell up, man." Rollie laughs.

"Shit, Rollie." MiMi says then starts laughing. "Oh my baby in here now. Let me act like somebody. Hey, Coosa."

"You called her Cooda? Like Cooda cat?"

She flips me off. "Go fuck somebody with your dumbass."

"Damn, what happen to acting like somebody?"

"Rollie took the baby. Bye."

I love the fuck out of my Mookie. I chuckle to myself. She hung up the phone on me.

  Trey

"Brown." I say dapping him up. "Damn, you took long enough."

"Aye, I was outside waiting on you for 40 minutes."

I laugh. "Bitch, you were not."

"Straight fucking up." he says. "I gotta pee."

"Damn, nigga. I'll be outside."

"Imma take 40 minutes to pee." Chris says walking away.

I leave out. He know his ass lying about sitting out here for 40 minutes. Chris not waiting on anybody that long. He is headed out of the building by the time we get to the car.

"Fucking Jackie was with me earlier." I say.

"What happened to him?" Chris says opening a box of food.

I open it up more looking inside. "Nigga, all that fatty food gonna catch up with your ass. I don't know where he went. I'm guessing back to Kevin's where the bitches and liquor at. I been in my feelings for the last hour. I'm sure he got bored. Listening to me bitch about my shit."

"I'll listen to you bitch all day." Chris says mouth full of food. "I had Royalty earlier today. You missed her."

"I saw her. Joyce had her."

Chris nods. "What you bitching about?"

"I'm always bitching when I'm away from home. I have fucking trust issues like a bitch. If Cammie not near me she out fucking somebody."

Chris laughs. "That's a fucking lie. I know you know its a lie. But it coming from somewhere. Why would you think it?"

"She too perfect. Niggas like me... Like you. We don't get perfect."

"Shit. I know. I feel you." he says stuffing his mouth. "This the reason you never post shit about your wife?"

I nod. "I go posting this perfect woman being the perfect wife I need. Expressing my love for her. Telling the whole world how I found the love of my life. Dedicating every love song I hear to her existence. Proving my faithfulness. Then some nigga hits me up telling me how he fucking my wife. How he done sampled a piece of my perfect life."

Chris cuts his eyes at me. "You think about this a lot."

"Every fucking time I'm away from my wife."

"Shit." he says putting his food down. "I'm not a nigga for advise cause my ass even more insecure. Amber makes sure I call it insecure not trust issues."

I laugh. "Fucking Amber."

Chris nods. "She my golden star. My good luck charm... Anyway, Cammie a fucking goddess man. She perfect just like you think. Like she has proven to be loyal when she hates you. If anything call that Southern Belle out on her shit. Your grandma ain't raised you that way. She values her pussy, no offense. She not gonna just give it to some other nigga. I still don't see how your ass got her. You fit her standards in some alternate world. She yours in this life and the next. Niggas already see your girl."

"Wha?"

"Yeah. Niggas was talking about her just today. On some disrespectful shit but none of those bitches could even fix their lips to lie about hitting. They know that lie gonna have to be backed up with some real shit."

"Talking about my wife how?"

He chuckles. "I wasn't in the whole conversation but from what I heard talking about how they worked their asses off to get nothing."

"Worked their asses off?"

"Trey, repeat one more damn thing I say." Chris says taking out his phone. "Cammie always where you think she is. Stop flexing nigga."

I take out my phone and stare at the home screen. "Yeah, I know."

Chris takes my phone. "Let's call her. She either lying in the bed with MiMi or somewhere in the house fussing at Lane. She back from dancing?"

"Yeah."

"Hey... What?" Lane says. "Chris? No."

Chris laughs. "Where your mama?"

"I not say it."

"Lane, Imma knock your head across the room." Chris says shaking the phone.

Lane laughs. "You hit my car with you car?"

Chris laughs. "I don't go around hitting people little boy. You fake as shit."

"You see Caden?"

"Lane get that off of his head! What are you doing?" Cammie snaps. "Give me my phone!"

"Mommy, no be like that." Lane says. "In a minute."

"Boy!"

Lane starts crying. "You be mean like that to me? No."

Cammie looks at the phone. "Christopholucus, why do you have my husband's phone?"

"Why you being mean to my little nigga?"

"His fake ass is not worried about you." Cammie says turning the phone.

Lane was in the middle of the floor with JJ and a toy airplane. You wouldn't think that he was just crying about a phone.

"Tremaine, I hear you breathing. Did your ass get some medicine?"

"Umm?" I say leaning away from the phone.

Cammie sucks her teeth. "Caden talk to your daddy and his friend. I don't got time."

I look at the screen. This woman had put the phone near Caden. He turns his head looking at the phone. He turns back away from it licking his tongue out. Chris hands me the phone. I sit there watching Caden. He turns his head back to the phone. This time he stares at it.

"You happy cause you see your daddy face?" Cammie says. "Tremaine, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

She bites Caden's neck making him laugh. He turns his head towards her. She bites at his face making him laugh some more. I smile at them. Once again I get to witness Cammie and her great parenting skills. She is a great mother. I hope she never goes through what we went through in the past. From Caden to before Lane. I want to make our lives just as perfect as the idea of us.

"Talk to you later, Daddy." Cammie says hanging up.

"Enjoy the moment as best as you can." I say looking at Chris. "That's what I end up telling myself. But it only comes to me at the end of the week when I realize how dumb I've been acting."

Chris smiles. "Man, your shit all good. Work on keeping the same energy when it comes time to leave. Amber and me are shooting to be better than yall."

"You do that." I nod.

"I want to get married this summer. What you think?"

I shake my head. "You better off trying next year. "MiMi and Dee getting married this year."

"And?"

"You can't show up their wedding. You gotta give them at least 3 months to enjoy the high from their own wedding without attending yours."

Chris shrugs. "I guess I like them like that."

"You do."

"When you figure out this whole insecure shit, let me know so I can fix my shit."

"Amber just might be your Cammie if you keep your dick to yourself."

"5 months clean." he says nodding.

I start counting the months backwards. "And yall been together for how long?"

He waves his hand. "Focus on your shit."

"Bitch."