#<- hmm not rly but i make the rules here

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also a special shoutout for real like wendy epic ableism moments when she stops talking directly to winston and expresses this is b/c he communicates too incorrectly (here too literally or whatever, once again whether he misinterpreted her or she misinterpreted him, it's put on him) and thus he doesn't deserve that

[creature-wizard]

hi, first of all i just want to say thanks for educating me on the links between manifestation/other new age stuff and fascism - i never practised these before (i’m just a pagan witch) but it’s rly good to know!

the stuff you’ve posted about victim blaming and guilt has been quite comforting to me. i was raised catholic and that came with a LOT of religious guilt. having someone just say “it’s not your fault that things have gone wrong in your life” is so reassuring.

but i’m kind of dealing with guilt now with regards to my witchcraft. i have adhd and depression which makes it hard to keep up routines (so cleansing spaces and tools once a week just isn’t realistic for me, and i struggle with being consistent in honouring my deities too). sometimes i catch myself blaming myself because i haven’t cleansed my space of so-called “bad energy” and that’s why i feel shitty, unmotivated, etc.

i was just wondering if you had any tips for dealing with these feelings? it’s okay if not/you don’t answer these kinds of questions! i mostly wanted to express my gratitude <3

Hmm, my main way of dealing with this is remembering one thing: if a popular convention or rule as to what you "have" to do doesn't make allowances for disability, then it's ableist, then the people who made it were short-sighted and didn't have me in mind, then I don't need to care about it. One of my deities has a lot of really finicky, even brutal rules associated with her, and I just went, "nah, that's a reflection of my ancestors being a bit fucked up" and forged my own way of doing things.

I'd also suggest following more disabled witches and pagans, because it's a good way to run into tips. I know that Mouse has tips for disabled witches over here, so it's one place to start.

[mpregfrance]

Can you do AmeFra for the ship game? I like your fanfics btw they're very sweet.

ohhh thank u anon that is so very sweet of you!!!😭😭💕💕 that rly cheered me up. i will try to work on finishing something today!!

Gives nose/forehead kisses: awww!! both? Francis starts but Alfred catches on quickly. Fran loves to kiss his chest, cheeks etc and Alfred is definitely a forehead kisser.

Gets jealous the most: Alfie boy. jealousy is one of his Toxic Traits™

Takes care of on sick days: Francis typically bc he's Mommy like that, but at the first sign of Fran feeling off i feel like Alfred would get all overprotective.

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day: hmmm i don't feel like either of them would have to be dragged!! but if they do, Alfred might have to convince Franny bc he's too busy like tanning and looking hot. on the other hand... Alfred might do this too.

Brings the other lunch at work: definitely Francis, he packs his man lunch every day!! That being said, Alfred is absolutely the type to bring home treats and snacks for his boo

Tries to start role-playing in bed: i think Fran would probably initiate but Alfred is really into it. *cough* francis in cheerleader costume *cough*

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: Alfred absolutely. Francis too elegant.

Firmly believes in couples costumes: oooh this is a fun one and kinda correlated with the role-playing bc that's something i LOVE for this couple especially. i think they'd both be gung-ho about it and have so much fun with it! funny costumes or sexy ones.

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Francis. Alfred does love to spoil, but i see him as a creative gift giver too like he would write a song or make something and Francis is just like $300 sweater uwu

Makes the other eat breakfast: both, like Fran cooks up a storm but Alfred needs to remind him to actually eat!!!

Remembers anniversaries: Francis definitely. they're both sentimental but he's just better at these things bc he's wifey

Brings up having kids first: probably Francis since i would typically see him as older here. Alfred isn't opposed, he loves the idea but is a bit nervous for the reality

Kills the bugs: Alfie 100%! he's the hero!

First to define them as a couple: hmm i could see it either way. honestly i think alfred might be the first to want to define things, but they're on the same page so Francis might be the first to actually confirm it. again, esp if he's older + more experienced.

Who hides their guilty pleasures longer: neither, they're terrible at hiding things. but as much as Fran is very shameless, Alfred can be kinda gross (drinks from the milk jug etc) and i think Franny might actually want to appear more graceful

Snorts while laughing: also both!! god they're both such cute laughers. Alfred's laugh is endearing and awkward and Francis' laugh is like beautiful music but he'll snort too.

[devilbrakers]

ehehehe 012, 021, 100 for helena, 035, 058, 080 for miko, 075, 077, 087 for zekey wekey

thank youuu beloved 💞

100 character development questions

Helena:

012. What makes your character embarrassed?

Vulnerability LMAO. I imagine she struggled a lot in the beginning of her relationships since she finds that so embarrassing. On top of being clueless when it comes to romance other than what she reads in her books, it's hell on Nirn for her. But, in general, just being caught when she's anything other than calm and collected is embarrassing for her.

021. How do they display affection?

Hmm. I'd say her main love languages are quality time and physical touch. The former stems from often being too busy to extend much of her time to her loved ones since she's the Listener and is usually busy with the duties that come with that among other things. So spending at least some of her free time with them is important to her. She's more subtle when it comes to physical touch. She's more keen on little touches here and there, such as sliding a hand across their waist or back as she walks past or a quick peck on the cheek or lips before she has to tend to her duties. She does enjoy playing with their hair, and Felria, Lucien, and Vicente all have rather long hair which she very much enjoys.

100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?

It depends on the point in time. After more traumatic events, she's more apt to dream about them for a while but of course, as the years go on, they fade from her memory a bit. But she still often dreams about her family, what happened to Martin, seeing Lucien near death in Applewatch, etc. She's unlikely to ever really let on how badly these things bother her, especially with Martin. She cared for him far more than she cares to admit.

Miko:

035. What is the most important rule your character lives by?

Good question... It's hard for me to say there really is one since Miko's never really been one for rules. Maybe just live life to the fullest or to live in the moment? Those are the closest one I can think of djfskl. Though I'd say she takes the latter a bit too seriously since she's never been one to plan ahead or to think about consequences. Though raising Gray did help a bit with that. But idrk!!

058. What is your character’s idea of a perfect day?

Given the life she lives, it's easy to say just a day to relax and forget about her worries. But she's never rly been into that so a night (or day, in this case) out on the town, going drinking with friends, getting into bar fights and wreaking havoc around town is her idea of a near perfect day.

080. How easy is it for others to read your character’s emotions?

Very easy. Reading social cues and people in general is something she's had to get good at to survive in the merc world. The longer she's known you, the better she is. She's not a mind reader by any means but if you're especially close she immediately knows if you're lying or uncomfortable, so it's hard to hide much from her.

Zekey Wekey:

075. Is your character ticklish?

No, but he'll kill you for even trying <3.

077. How often do they cry? Over what?

He doesn't really cry? Not to say he never has but that was really only when he was a child. Nothing really bothers him enough to do so. He's rarely ever sad and he usually expresses his anger or frustration through violence so it just really doesn't happen. I think the only thing that would really break the dam, so to speak, is enormous amounts of physical pain but even that's unlikely.

087. How would your character describe themself in three words?

LMFAO. Probably something along the lines of incredibly handsome, superior, and charming. He's pretty but the other two are incredibly subjective, to say the least. He honestly just doesn't see that much wrong with him.

[mxrp-haters]

“you can tell you’d be not interested in roleplaying with someone by which character they play, so insta-dcing is fine” THE FILTERS! you can filter out characters! it’s ALREADY in the rules of the site that you should! people aren’t telling you you have to rp with every single weird modifier and unlisted fandom OC you see they’re telling you not to go “hmm, well i hate everybody but damara, but i’m too lazy to take a single minute to click the checkbox that makes it so i only get damara so i’m just going to sit here for three hours disconnecting on everybody i come across in the first second unless they’re damara” THAT is what insta-dcing is, it’s not disconnecting on “genderbent!five times your size!insect!having a panic attack![character you want]” and it’s annoying that it feels like over half of the site does it. as someone who has NEVER modified from the base character in any way, it takes me like an hour sometimes to get an RP because every single person insta-dc’s - is spending more time clicking the back button and looking at the loading screen than actually roleplaying on the roleplaying site rly not something you think people can annoyed about at all? i honestly cant wrap my head around your position..?? it’s worse for everybody not to use your filters and it’s been in the rules for a good while, the mods just can’t effectively enforce it manually because SO many people break it :(

I’m not in the homestuck tags at all dude. I’m in the anon/other tag, it’s impossible for me to predict and blacklist almost anything at all (it’s the wild west out there). It’s sort of unavoidable, there’s only ever about 40 people in the search function at a time right now. Maybe like 60 max.

Guess I should have specified that I don’t use any of the fandom presets. I have to rely on the keyword filter function, which only gets me so far. Users are always full of surprises and you find something new to add to that list every day.

I think the issue should be called ‘misuse of filtering’ instead of ‘instantly disconnecting’ if the lack of filter usage is the problem you’re talking about. I’m talking about entering a chat and instantly leaving the chat.

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[nabrizoya]

bestie I saw ur post about zoya saying from the moment she met nikolai she knew he was the hero from her aunts stories and hmm ok so I thought it was more like when you meet someone and it isn’t that you like them, but it’s little things they do that remind you of something/someone you love, bits of memory. I actually think it’s the *reason* nikolai grew on her, because she caught the little actions that took her back to her aunts stories, maybe moments of bravery (1/?)

and it’s about finding the things you love in the person you hate/claim to hate. I think when zoya met nikolai, she was determined to hate nikolai for the same reason show!sab says otkazatsya hates grisha... he’s a spoiled prince, and he hasn’t suffered the way she has, hasn’t been tested by life or faced as many challenges. but the more she sees him in action, the more she hears him talk and watches him deal with people, the more she realizes how alike they are, and how different (2/?)

the golden spirit in her stories never came from a golden past or some pure childhood, and I think that was the real issue zoya had with him. she felt almost like he didn’t deserve it. but I think, in a way, over time, nikolai earned it in her eyes. rant over ily <3

post ref: here

oh yeah the ‘I think that was the real issue zoya had with him. she felt almost like he didn’t deserve it. but I think, in a way, over time, nikolai earned it in her eyes’ makes a lot of sense. 

i agree and that’s why i think it wouldve been better to say that he became the hero with golden spirit than saying that from the moment she’d seen him, she knew he was the one. and this rings even more true when we consider the reasons of his privilege and ease and zoya trying to hate him or even feel indifferent towards him (except for maybe physical attraction). i rly don’t think she’d say that nikolai was the one with the golden spirit from the very start. :/ 

zoya felt out of character for most part of rule of wolves and this just adds to it imo. hard agree on how she came about to respect and admire him!

[nothing1995]

Being unhinged on insta and tbh even on here I think has been scaring the hoes away ... need to find an outlet to post all my edgy or insane or just drug use thoughts without it like .... affecting my social standing but I do just find it so ... lame and fake. It’s just an app...... yet if u post incomprehensible shit or just a JOKE on it ppl who u thought are also crazy eg comedians or edgy artist types etc will be like hmm... she’s a bit odd

Rly makes me think about that delicate line of fun weird and bad weird that tbh I have issue navigating... and With insta being more female and my social media circle in general being more female (duh) there’s these extra rules I keep forgetting or just think don’t apply to me but they still do and I end up being seen as weird ... whatever ! I realise it’s an evolutionary response to potential risks but still!

[pastafarms]

I was tagged by @anarrowthroughtimesideblog (thank you for the tag!! ^w^ it was really unexpected bc hhh im so inactive here so this made me rly happy :D)

Rules: Tag 9 people you’d like to know better or catch up to!

Last song: Kara kara kara by Kikuo!

Last movie: Hmm,,, tenet? cool concept but i wasnt fully engaged :(( It reminded me of zero escape tho, which i loveeeeeeeeeee so much!!!

Currently watching: Ensemble stars (dubbed JSHGJSHG) so I can multitask while watching hehe :D

Currently reading: Red, White and Royal blue-- Im trying to get back into reading but it’s really hard picking up genres I don’t usually read so. Sticking to my comfort zone of lgbtq+ romance i guess?

Current project: to Keep up with animation homework, work and get some fanart out when I feel like it ^^ i was trying to animate one moment from my week each week but like,,, im already animating for class and it becomes too much. Need to rest my wrist lol. Im also trying to get back into video editing! so yeah!!! 

Current mood: I’m eating lunch and missing being part of online communities (i took a break and deactivated some accs bc it got too much but I do miss it as well >_<)

Current wish: To participate online more with less anxiety, I stopped talking about things on the internet bc;;; scary lol;; it helped me get closer to irl friends but i really need both forms of interaction i guess. I also hope I get back into playing gw2 bc I realllllly miss the way it inspired me but as a player I felt really stuck (ive also been taking a break from gw2! whoops, forgot to mention that)

Currently learning: Animation! its funn :^) also trying to take better care of my wrist bc it gets sore a lot. And trying to be less self conscious about sharing online + sharing pictures of myself

Something that makes you proud: That I’m able to disconnect from the internet and feel ok, I’m feeling more fulfilled in some friendships and with family, and that im just trying to keep my head up honestly lol. Also exercising without guilting myself!! Im doing great @ being myself haha :^)

Tagging: @the-mystic-dragon , @myukuw , @zvezdacito 

and anyone else who wants to do it!!​ 

[transrightsjimin]

i was tagged by @soulmates7 thank you!!

7 ALBUMS GAME

Rules: Make an image HERE of your top 7 albums, just type in the name and select the album. This can be top 7 of all time or this year or whatever you’d like. 

ok i couldnt choose at all so now i have two images

but also i worked for 6+ hours on looking up bands i had seen live or used to listen to more often and i made a list with albums and singles that i have repeated / re-visited a lot or that simply mean a lot to me nd that i’d recommend to others. it was a bit hard to make bc i also love a lot of songs that are single releases with only 1-2 songs, but i don’t listen to them like you would to a longer single / mini album / full albums. i wanted to include laboum’s full length albums (two of us and low pop wow) but those sadly have the lowest production value in most of the songs so i cannot enjoy those fully. there’s also some older plastic tree albums from the 1990s that are hard to access for listeners so i can’t add those. anyway this is the full list (in progress) lol

CHECK IN GAME

1. How has your day been?

quite ok! i slept for 9 hours thats fucking wild, idk how that happened but im grateful! did cry abt gender stuff and am a bit frustrated abt how i took so many hours to look into old albums instead of do useful stuff, but it was very fun and inspiring.

2. What’s the last thing that made you smile?

hmm idk? i dont rly like, keep track of when i do or dont smile when im not in public hgghkjg

maybe the halloween pictures my mom sent me from her home? those were fun. or maybe my friend. idk i was quite cheerful / neutral this morning but since later in the afternoon i had a dip(?)

3. What’s keeping you entertained these days?

uhmmm ive been recently watching halloween-related videos by Abby Green on youtube and rly enjoy her vids on makeup and halloween films and other chitchat and her makeup looks are so cute! also im watching sabrinah the teenage witch episodes from time to time w my friend in the evenings, though we also watched more of stuff recently like goosebumps episodes and films and the griezelbus film and carrie yesterday. we also watch a bunch of other shows but im not too entertained by them, i just find it hard to look away hjfdkhg

4. If you are in some kind of quarantine/self-isolation, what do you hope to achieve in this time?

uh i dont know? my country has never had a real full lockdown but i of c do try to limit going outside aside from working hours, though life hasnt been much different from pre-pandemic as i rarely do fun stuff anyway. i was always inside at home for most of the time but i dont do super exciting stuff here too bc i’ve probably never gotten out of my burnout i got in 2013. i did recently watch stuff together w friends online like watch bts stuff or try to dance together but everyone is either busy or has shitty connection nd it just didnt rly work.

i mean i do want to help better my mental health through CGT and giving myself more structure nd being stricter w bedtime. i rly hope my mental health will get better but idk if i can bc the CGT appointments are 12 in total and after that the therapy stops. it rly sucks but i accepted the offer as i otherwise would be on another waiting list elsewhere too and at the previous place i had therapy for several years, i kept getting new therapists regularly too bc of stuff like their contracts ending or pregancy so i guess im used to not being able to see a therapist for a long time. so idk.

i want to get better mental health and better concentration. i also just need to get a stupid fucking job bc while i dont want to work at all, i have to to be able to live and i need a reason to get out of bed every day to go somewhere so i would have more structure and be less depressed. i mean i could say i want to draw more and dance and read more but ive been saying that for years and i still rarely do it bc im so demotivated nd have worsened focus for years and my special interests are all over the place so i never think about getting stuff done while i really should.

5. Post selfie, if you’re comfortable doing so

from a while ago. it gave me 70s vibes somehow, i like it

LAST SONG

versailles - prince (got bored so i quit playing the song)

LAST SAVED PICTURE

the downscaled selfie and 7 album pictures above

tagging: @princeshojo @lampshroomomg​  @trespassers-will @baepsrae

[laitoslittlemacaron]

Diabolik Lovers Tag Game!

Rules: Answer the questions and tag anyone else you wish to see participate~ Also tag me (@vampiretsuki ​) if you do this because I would love to read your answers~!

I got tagged by @dialovers-translations and @everything-laito 💕💚

1.- Who would you rather take to a night club, Carla or Azusa? 

Hmm I dont like night clubs at all, but if i had to, i would go with Azusa and we could drink some alcfree cocktail together while talking and being far away from everyone else

2.- In a Science test would you copy Yuma’s test or Ayato’s test? 

For some reason i trust Yuma a bit more here

3.- Would you rather have Kino and Azusa or Shin and Laito, as your Butlers? 

Shin and Laito because Laito all the waaay c: ok i know he gets super into this role then but i actually would rly like it xD

4.- Go on a date with Reiji at a Aquarium or go on a date with Subaru at a Cafe instead?

Aquarium!! I love Aquariums so so much and i bet it would be even more interesting with Reiji, since he knows so much

5.- Would you rather go support/see Kou at one of his Concerts or go support/see Shu at one of his Violin Performances? 

I would to see one of Shuu's Violin Performance! Violin sounds so beautiful

6.- In a Math Project would you team up with Ruki and Shin or with Reiji and Yuma? Who would fight less with eachother?

Reiji and Yuma (Reiji for a better grade :p im suuuper bad at math)

But i think Ruki and Shin would fight less?? I just feel like they are able to work together a bit better than the other two

7.- Who would you put your bets on, Kanato eating the most chocolates or Ayato eating the most Takoyakis? 

Kanatooo (since he eats a lot all the time anyway to fill his empty void)

8.- Sleep in Carla’s room, Subaru’s room or in Shu’s room? (You have the room to yourself, they aren’t there) Would you peak on their stuff? 

I feel like Shuu's bed is the most comfortable to sleep on, but honestly i would not want to speak on his stuff bc of things

9.- You’re a princess of the Victorian era! Your father has ordered that you have a bodyguard.. who would you choose as your personal bodyguard, Laito or Kou?

Ohh hell yes Laito! oh this would be funnyxD but he's good in protecting as well if he wants to:D (Also does being a princess mean that youre being carried princess style even more?c:)

10.- Would you prefer to have Kino in his bat form as your pet or Shin in his wolf form as your pet instead? 

I will take Kino in his Bat form since bats are my absolute favourite animal!! Also imagine feeding konpeito to a little bat

11.- Break a fight between Kou and Ayato or between Laito and Kanato?

The triplets should fight less in general and its pointless to break a fight between kou and ayato since these two families fight always anyway

12.- Who would you kiss on the cheek, who would you kiss on the forehead and who would you kiss on the eyelids? Options: Ruki, Subaru, Azusa. 

(I rly dont want to kiss anyone here anywhere)

13.- Take care of Shu and Reiji in their Chibi form or take care of Subaru and Kino in their Chibi form? 

Prob Shuu and Reiji, and then letting Reiji have little tea parties and putting Shuu next to all the plushies

14.- Sing/Perform in public Laito’s Q.E.D Song or Reiji’s Mr.ButterflyMask song?

I mean i can at least lip sync Q.E.D ?:'D

15.- Would you rather wear Ruki’s casual outfit or Yuma’s casual outfit? 

I like Ruki's style better c:

16.- Go on a Vacation trip with Shu, Kino and Ayato at a Amusement park or go with Shin, Azusa and Subaru at a Water Amusement Park? 

Amusement Parks all the way!! I'm a big fan of them and especially rollercoasters, and i bet it would be really fun with these two

17.- Would you rather get lost in a forest with Reiji, Kino and Kou or with Ruki, Carla and Kanato? 

Reiji, Kino and Kou seem like better company and Reiji will bring us home safely :p

18.- Who would you cook breakfast for? Who would you make a scarf for? and Who would you do a drawing for? Options: Kou, Azusa, Shu.

Smol Azusa gets a scarf, Shuu gets breakfast and the Idol can get some fan art i guess xD

19.- Participate in a Circus as Carla’s Knife thrower assistant or go to a Casino with Shin and be offered as a bet/reward by him in the Roulette Wheel game? (So if Shin looses you’ll be taken away by whomever won)

Well the Circus sounds fun! I think i can trust him with these knives right?

20.- Who would you rather catch by accident taking a shower, Yuma or Kanato? 

Yuma because I dont want to die

I tag @carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich 👀💙

[unproduciblesmackdown]

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly. 

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

[shirtlesssammy]

8x01: We Need to Talk About Kevin

Then:

P U R G A T O R Y

Now:

100-Mile Wilderness, Maine

1 Year Later

A couple is sleeping peacefully in the forest when a bright light fills the sky, waking the woman.

The couple goes out to investigate when they hear rustling outside. It’s a deer! Close...it’s Dean! He’s looking more like a feral rat than a deer. I would not want to run into someone looking like Dean in the middle of nowhere, that’s for sure. He pulls his gun, asks where the road is, grabs a bag of their stuff, and skedaddles. Yikes. First, for anyone not caught up, let’s all collectively scream what we all thought on our first viewing: Where’s Cas??! Second, who the fuck hikes anywhere, let alone the 100 Mile Wilderness trail with that kind of gear?! Camp chairs? A lantern the size of a dining room chandelier? A tent that’s making Harry Potter quake? Anyway, I lol thinking this is the most unbelievable part of this scene, and not the dude who just got back from Purgatory. 

Clayton, Louisiana

4 Days Later

Cue up Styx “Man in the Wilderness”, and sit back and watch one of my favorite montages. Watching Dean walk down a road never gets old. He walks to a cemetery and digs up a grave. He chants an incantation over some bones, and voilà, he brings back to life a vampire! They embrace.

Wait, what? 

In Kermit, Texas, Sam’s ditching on a woman AND a dog. He drives to Rufus’s cabin in Montana, where a hiding Dean assaults him with all the monster tests. They both pass, and hug. Sam is shocked. “I guess standing too close to exploding dick, sends your ass straight to Purgatory.” Dean explains the situation with the first dick joke of the season. Sam has further questions, and Dean is vague on the details. Sam also wonders about Cas. Dean shuts down a little more and admits, “Yeah, Cas didn’t make it.” 

Sam presses the matter. “Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy towards the end, and he... just let go,” Dean adds. So, he admits that Cas let go here, did he alter his memory after this? In any event, Dean’s really broken about it. 

Sam then admits that he got out of the life, tossed all his phones, etc. “Something happened to me this year, too.” Gah, like a complete breakdown and fugue state, but I will reserve my thoughts for my non-existent essay on the state of Sam’s mind when Dean and Cas were in Purgatory. That sends Dean into an anger spiral. (Natasha: LIMES)

He listens to all of Sam’s phone messages --the increasingly desperate and eventually disillusioned pleas for help from Kevin. 

He was their responsibility, and Sam just ditched him. Uh, because he was in complete mental failure! Sam hears something in the background of the last message and is able to isolate the sound to a bus station. They track him to Michigan, where his girlfriend, Channing, is attending college. 

Once at the motel, Dean sees two boys playing with their toy guns, which sends him into a memory spiral. He’s chasing a vamp in Purgatory and eventually catches him. “Where’s the angel?”

WhEreS tHe aNgEl?

W H E R E ‘ S  T H E  A N G E L?

??

?

(Don’t touch me.)

“You’re him. The human.” 

Like, excuse me? The monsters are all meeting up talking about the human wandering around Purgatory looking for that angel? LIKE PLEASE. No, please STOp. I can’t take it, even after all these years. 

Anyway, Dean keeps demanding to know where that goddamned angel is. The vamp refuses to say so Mr. Dramatic lops his head off set to a very elegant camera angle. 

Another monster attacks but Dean’s too far from his machete. Then ANOTHER monster attacks THAT monster. Spoiler: IT’S BENNY! 

Later, in the motel, Dean suggests moving on, but Sam thinks he should get some rest. Dean goes into another anger spiral --probably because he couldn’t sleep for a year and all Sam did was sleep due to his complete breakdown. Sam trying to ignore that he didn’t have control of his world isn’t helping him with Dean. Sam found “a girl.” Well, actually, she was a fully grown woman, but go on… Listen, I don't like the Amelia stuff as much as the next person, so I have a very elaborate headcanon of Sam’s mental break and the symbolic fantasy world he created while he barely existed at the cabin. 

Anyway, Sam asks Dean what Purgatory was like. “It was bloody. Messy. 31 flavors of bottom-dwelling nasties. Hell, most days felt like 360-degree combat. But there was something about being there.”

“It felt pure.”

It fElT PuRe

I T  F E L T  P U R E

Flashback to Purgatory, where Dean’s life is still saved by Benny, the vampire. Dean threatens to shiv him up the ass so...every friendship needs to start somewhere? The vampire knows an escape hatch out of Purgatory! But it’s only for humans. He’ll show him the portal as long as Dean smuggles his soul out of Purgatory. 

The first rule of Purgatory is you can’t trust anyone. Dean doesn’t trust Benny - not an inch. But he does need allies. He tells Benny that he’ll agree to that tenuous deal as long as they find “the angel” first.

At a college, the Winchesters interview Channing. She hasn’t heard a word from Kevin and furthermore, would spurn his love forever now that he’s no longer going to Princeton. Ouch! After they leave, Channing’s eyes go black and she slices her roommate's throat so she can make a phone call. DOUBLE OUCH! She reports that Kevin still hasn’t gotten in touch with her, but Dean Winchester is back.

Trying to get some work done amongst the students, Sam experiences his own mournful flashback. He hit a dog! He shouted at veterinary hospital employees! Damn it, this is an animal hospital!!! I hand you a bloody dog, you fix! Shouting helps things happen! 

Sam bby.

Dean arrives with a burger in hand, reunited with one of the loves of his life at least. Sam reports that he’s tracked Kevin to Iowa.

At a run down church in Iowa, the Winchesters pay a house call. Kevin immediately confronts them with a Borax-loaded supersoaker. Once he figures out they’re human, Kevin gives them the tour of his new digs. He’s learned how to ward against demons. And then while explaining his recent past, Kevin has his own flashback! Everyone gets one! 

In Kevin’s flashback, he’s been captured by Crowley who sits him down to work on another tablet. A DEMON tablet! Dun dun DUN! Kevin mines its secrets and tells Crowley that there’s a hell gate in Wisconsin. (Made out of cheese?) Demons gather ingredients for him and Kevin gets to have a MONTAGE of preparing a spell to open the gate. Only…

...Kevin was hoodwinking the demons the whole time. 

He’d found a demon bomb recipe and blasts away his guards while Crowley waits on a distant Wisconsin farm. 

Back in the present, Kevin’s stowed the tablet somewhere safe but before he did that, he made sure to memorize one more important spell from the tablet: a spell to close the gates of Hell...FOREVER. 

Dean and Sam head outside to the...second story church deck?...to chat. Sam’s disappointed that Kevin seems further into the hunting life than before. Dean’s proud of the kid - “he’s in it whether he likes it or not.” Oof. Dean, your Winchester is showing.

Sam heads down to the candle-lit church. He apologizes to Kevin for bugging out on him - and on everything hunting related. It’s definitely staged like a confession.

Kevin admits that he’s perturbed when he really stops and thinks about his life, post-prophet-revelation. Sam assures him that “it gets better.” Hmm RLY? Sam’s an optimist, and continues: if they can banish all the demons, Kevin might actually be free to live a good life. BRB weeping and shouting angrily at this show!

In Sam’s hazy flashback, he waits anxiously for the news from the vet. She reports that his dog will be okay. Sam corrects her - the dog isn’t his! She double barrel blasts him with sarcasm, implying that if he doesn’t take care of the dog he hit then he’s the worst person in the world. Which. Okay. I generally don’t mind Amelia though I think she demonstrably has terrible luck picking stable, healthy relationships. But this scene always has me rolling my eyes. It’s so normal to foist a dog on a stranger! Everyone has the means and time to care for a dog, not to mention a dog who has been seriously injured! A vet would not do this! Amelia, plz. 

Amelia puppy dog eyes Sam, and he’s toast. He’s spent so many years working on his offensive puppy eyed tactics, he never thought to work on his defense!

The church begins to shake and wood splits apart Kevin’s devil’s traps. A couple of demons arrive, armed with more swagger than weaponry. There’s a zappy flashy kicky fight and then Crowley and Channing arrive. Crowley demands the tablet for Channing’s life. He flashes Channing back into control for a moment as proof of life. Kevin offers himself up in exchange for Channing’s freedom and heads off to “pack up.” Then Kevin lures Crowley and Channing to a holy water trap.

As they’re being doused, the Winchesters and Kevin escape. While they drive away, Crowley orders the demon out of Channing and then kills her. Oof. 

Later, Dean gets a phone call as they stop for gas and snacks, and then passes it off as a wrong number. Kevin passes on donuts and beef jerky. He just saw his girlfriend die and that doesn’t lend itself well to gas station snacks. 

Dean offers up words of Winchester Solace™. “You’re in it now. Whether you like it or not you do what you gotta do.” Good talk, Dean! 

On Dean’s pee break, he furtively places a phone call. It’s Benny, the vampire from earlier! He’s lurking on the edges of a funeral in a not-at-all-suspicious way. He figured out cell phones! But not fashion.

Dean tells him that they shouldn’t talk for a while since they’re both adjusting to life. Benny wistfully tells Dean that Purgatory WAS pure and he should have appreciated it more while he was there. They both admonish each other to be good (and presumably not go on a murderous rampage). Good talk!

WHERE’RE THE QUOTES?

We made it, brother

I don't know whether to give you a hug or take a shower

Nothing says "family" quite like the whole family being dead

Where’s the angel?

Hey, the rules are simple, Sam. You don't take a joint from a guy named Don, and there's no dogs in the car!

So you're looking for a soul train

There's a demon in you, and you're going to your safety school

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[meru90]

whoa guys i didn't even get the chance to check out my inbox properly after that anon drama thank you all for your kind words (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) 💕 💕 💕 im just gonna post sum of them under the read more 

it warms my heart to see that one hater equals 10x more love and support lol you guys are the cutest 

hecking-good-shit schrieb an meru90:i dont understand how ur getting so much hate cuz ur a lovely person and a fantastic artist!! ily you fucking blessing to this world

it’s just ppl being bored i guess lol 

hmm-cats schrieb an meru90:I tried to report the justthebluegrass dude but tumblr said that if the dude wants to be reported fully, the person who had their art stolen needs to do it. (Sorry if I sound like an idiot, just thought I let you know😊) Also you don’t need to listen to cowards like that, it’s quite clear the dude can’t think straight, if he steals stuff from the left and right, plus can’t use proper grammar lol.

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Love how the reposter just went on anon instead of staying off it the cOWARD

honestly? it was peak comedy 

leandersluckylady schrieb an meru90:Geez! It never ceases to amaze me how people feel is perfectly acceptable to act like a dickhead when they submit something anonymously! 1. Your art is amazing! 2. Every time you post my day gets brighter! 3. I apologize for not expressing how much I enjoy your content sooner! I hope you’re having a lovely morning!day! or night!XOXO

same to you thank you so much 

Anonym schrieb an meru90:since SOME people are being annoying bitches im here to say that your art is beautiful and i luv u also take a glass of water and drink it (or use it to drown the haterz)

THNAKSS 

Anonym schrieb an meru90: Don’t listen to people that say your art is crap or any of the (frankly horrible) things they said! You’re art is amazing and I literally love everything you’ve shared with us! It’s amazing that you put your work online for everyone to see and I really admire that! Keep drawing great things and being awesome! 💕💖💕

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Hello? Your art gives me l i t e r a l joy. Thank you for your work💕💕💕💕

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Man thieves these days are damn gutsy huh? They get all kinds of arrogance from anonymity but wow have the tables turned for this particular criminal. Anyways Mo Dao is love, Mo Dao. Thank you for blessing me with your art and stay chill

Anonym schrieb an meru90:they created bubblegum flavoured what now? and here i thought mcdonalds could be trusted (somewhat)

Anonym schrieb an meru90:I don’t get it. Why are people being dicks to you on anon? Your art is lovely.

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Ur a good person with really good art. Don’t listen to the haters uwu

Anonym schrieb an meru90:MERU PROTECTION SQUAD WHERE U AT?? UR ART IS BEAUTIFUL AND DON’T WORRY I, AS PART OF THE MERU PROTECTION SQUAD HAVE NOTIFIED THE OTHER ARTISTS OF THE REPOSTS AND REPORTED THE ACCOUNT PLUS @ THE ANON: I BET U CAN’T DRAW SO DON’T JUDGE THANK U.

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Your art deserves all the UwU. I love all your work so much >.< it sucks that you have to deal with art stealers and haters thou :/

Anonym schrieb an meru90:HI YOUR ART IS AMAZINGGGGG AND SO ARE YOUUUUU

Anonym schrieb an meru90:You dealing with that mean commenter gives me life omg, good job

the best thing that rules this antis up is just to ignore the hate ahah 

daddydickpeach schrieb an meru90:Ily !!!! Have a nice day >:)

overmelted schrieb an meru90:Your art???? Iconic and beautiful and the best thing ever??? I love your work and also anon hate is so 2010

rly-not-an-alien schrieb an meru90:Don’t listen to haters, these people are so toxic that it is not enough for them to poison themselves with their bile, they throw it out on talented people to try to break them. Your art style is adorable and glorious!~❀

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Tell that awful anon to 1 v 1 me on minecraft I’ll take them down

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Hi! I love your art lots!!! Hope you get to continue it in peace!!!

lieskilledmyjournals schrieb an meru90:That was the funniest thing I've seen all day; I guess they forgot to make it anonymous

Anonym schrieb an meru90:Bro I love you so much 💕 your art is great

Anonym schrieb an meru90:*sees anon hate and anon forgetting to send their ask as anonymous” so anyways i want chocolate and i adore your art so keep being you, you’re amazing

Anonym schrieb an meru90:ur valid dont listen to that anom

boshberrysfanblogsfanblog schrieb an meru90:In👏this👏house👏we👏love👏and👏support👏meru

artist-on-edge schrieb an meru90:your art is a fucking drug that anon can eat a bag of dicks

YALL BE LIKE 

[hannahdearr]

Bias Tag 🥰

first off lemme just say HOW DARE YOU @tori-yaaaaaaa you know how indecisive I am about basically eVeRYtHinG and you spring this on me, you sadist ):< ♡ + do I even HAVE 10 biases lol wait don’t answer that

Rules: list 10 biases and then answer the following questions.

(I can’t differentiate between hardcore bias wrecking or double/multi-biasing anyways so here we GO)

Jeon JUNGKOOK (BTS)

MARK Tuan (GOT7)

Park JAEhyung (DAY6)

Lee MINHO (Stray Kids)

MoonBIN (ASTRO) or just...Moonbin? lol

Cha EUNWOO / Lee Dongmin (ASTRO)

Kim TAEHYUNG (BTS)

Park JINYOUNG (GOT7)

Min YOONGI (BTS)

Kim ............SEOKJIN (BTS) hahahha

...picking those were already hard, why do you enjoy my suffering dude but! disclaimer: aH I don’t think I have any official say for any of these “better than/best at” types of questions so just saying that these are just my opinions / personal preference if that...wasn’t obvious haha

Between 1 & 4, who would you rather kiss?

I can’t even imagine kissing anybody let alone anyone on this list bUt I just realized cheek kisses count too! so! Jungkook by a land slide, still 🤪

Between 2 & 7, who would be your best friend?

OoH that’s TOUGH, I feel like I’d get along so well with either (‘: sky gliding with Mark or museums with Taehyung aAHH and they’re buddies too—can’t we all just be friends 🙂🙂

Between 5 & 10, who has the better voice?

WOW, another tough one why am I always suffering (-: I’ll go with Jin! His voice is so soothing and tHEM BALLADS—he’s rly developed his skills sooo so much over the years & the songs he does (whether cover or self-made) always make me cry (‘:

Between 1 & 8, who is the funniest?

King of Crackheadery, lil Kookoo, The Memebun™, our one-of-a-kind Justin Seagull, the living AND walking meme himself, Jeon Jungkook (he doesn’t even have to try wtF man I’m: big lovin’ Jungkook 24/7)

Between 6 & 9, who would you date?

Amazing how this game has called me out on my love life experience so many times already—I’d date Yoongi! Haven’t really delved deeper into the Aroha world (meaning I know..but I don’t know) but I can, with full conviction, state that Min Yoongi is not only boyfriend material—he’s also Husband Material™

Between 9 & 10, who would you do a collab with?

NOOO how’d they end up against each other gdi /:< collab with SUGA in a lil vocal/rap wonder or like a whole ballad with Jin 🤯 Probably a collab with Jin tho bc I really love the ballad style he’s got goin on

Between 4 & 8, who is the best dancer?

Oo o my, they’re both really good & I haven’t been up to date with Stray Kids babies lately but I’ll pick Jinyoung 🍑

Between 3 & 5, who would you most likely marry?

Marrying Jae or Moonbin hMm—I know Jae a lot more / longer + homie always comes home to visit here often so I’ll say Jae 🐔

Between 1 & 7, who would you nurse when they’re sick?

How devastating, my original bias & bias wrecker duo HAHA but sorry Tae I’ll tend to you right after Jungkook 😔✊🏼👊🏼

Between 2 & 3, who has the better smile?

Both such beautiful & bright smiles 😍😍 and both coincidentally v local to where I live LOL—I pick Mark tho

Between 6 & 8, who would you rather vacation with?

Eunwoo or Jinyoung hhhhhngjgjsjk—I’m not saying I’m picking Jinyoung bc I’m currently watching his character go Thru It™ in Psychometric rn but that’s exactly what I’m saying so I’ll pick Jinyoung (‘:

10/10 that was d i f f i c u l t for me my dudes bc I’m overly indecisive hA but v fun LOL—you’d like to give this a shot & possibly suffer like me, I’m tagging: @bymoonchild @tori-yaaaaaaa @taesbeach @bbjel @hercosmoscomplex @spicysuga @moreenchiladasplease @arosequartz @mahwdichette @starryeyedgukk @aureumjeon @passingthelights

but you don’t gotta if you don’t wanna! (:

[inside-aut-blog]

Autistic Caleb Widogast

Part One

Caleb Widogast of D&D web series Critical Role is widely recognized by the fan community as autistic-coded. There are many, many, many reasons why, and with the episodes numbering well into the dozens it would take several paragraphs to expound on on all of them.

So here’s the first in a series of posts doing precisely that.

EPISODE ONE:

There isn’t much here in episode one, but there is this:

Caleb uses stereotypically autistic speech patterns in the very first conversation he has in the show. Nott draws it to a close with “All right, well, that’s on the to-do list,” and Caleb immediately mirrors her phrasing with “All right, well, let’s get something to eat then.”

Later, down in the bar, Beau asks Nott if she is cold. Caleb misinterprets this to mean “Why are you wrapped up?” and subsequently explains, very defensively, that Nott is a goblin and obviously goblins are not well-liked in these parts and that is why she is wrapped up and Beau should drop it—which is, uh, pretty much the definition of blunt oversharing, no?

Caleb also, for the first time, shares his magic cat with someone else as an expression of kindness and a kind of second-hand socializing. Beau notes immediately that it’s “kind of therapeutic”; right away, Frumpkin is coded as an emotional support animal. (It helps that he takes Frumpkin absolutely everywhere, often choosing to carry him on his shoulders when he can just as easily pop him in and out of the general vicinity with a snap of his fingers.)

Still later, Jester rearranges one of the shops they visit, and Caleb grows nervous the moment he notices it (“A bit of nerves begin to brew up”). On the one hand, this is probably because he’s afraid of getting in trouble with the shopowner, but on the other: getting anxious at the sight of slight changes in your surroundings is pretty quintessentially autistic.

EPISODE TWO:

Caleb offers to give Nott his cat as a distraction from her urges to steal. Once again, Frumpkin is coded as an emotional support animal. And, on top of this, Caleb seems to hold the idea that—well, he helps me, so obviously he’ll help you too!

Nott reassures Caleb that they can leave the group at the drop of a hat if they need to. “They’ll never know who we were,” she says. “...Caleb and Nott,” he says, responding both literally and with a touch of confusion.

Caleb calls a man’s novel “trashy” and seems to realize a second too late that it was rude; he tacks on a very hasty “No judgement.”

Caleb compliment’s Beau’s muscles very awkwardly.

Caleb goes on to say, “We have been in the woods for too long. I’ve forgotten how to talk to people.” And sure, spending time away from society can make people a little weird. But needing practice to maintain basic social skills like complimenting people? Sounds autistic.

Caleb says, later, “I don’t know what you just said, but I am interested in books. Particularly in the arcane realm, but any kind of book.” That ticks two boxes at once: auditory processing troubles and special interests.

At one point, Beau references Frankenstein and Caleb doesn’t understand what she’s saying. It’s possible, out-of-universe, that this was a meta reference to Frankenstein not existing in the story’s universe, but consider—in-universe, Beau must have referenced the story world’s equivalent of Frankenstein, and Caleb did not get that reference. Therefore: Caleb is not only having difficulty following her metaphor, but he’s missed a pop culture reference.

EPISODE THREE:

caleb is nonverbal after he “gets over [his reaction to casting firebolt]”; he “doesn’t say anything, but starts pushing bodies onto the back of the cart”

stays nonverbal for A While; “during all the busywork, i’m not saying anything, but i keep giving worried and stressed glances at my little friend”

in the middle of planning, with zero transition or context, caleb goes, “also i have a cat” and doesn’t offer context til jester goes ?? yes he’s cute?

gets excited & dances in the street w/nott on his shoulders (stim!!)

nott, when caleb ignores jester in favor of reading: he gets like this when he’s studying. he gets very focused, it’s best not to disturb him

“i prefer him as a cat, to be honest, but in a pinch–” change Bad, cat Good

when jester braids caleb’s hair, liam says “it feels nice”; Sensory Good

“i’m a good talker when i have to be”; qualifies the statement, implying it’s an occasional mask he dons when Necessary

E4:

nott: no one’s going to be around to save you if you get into trouble caleb: i’m almost dead already nott: yeah, that’s not good jester: that’s not comforting, caleb

at the very end of caleb’s conversation w/the guard, liam says caleb looks him in the eye, which implies he was Avoiding eye contact before that

caleb, in court, bluntly: i’m a dirty hobo and i reek like yesterday’s garbage

caleb, abruptly: well, you know, this is very fascinating, but i have some errands to run. nott, would you like to run errands with me? we are totally coming back and not leaving on our own undercover

caleb calls the old shopkeep “grandfather”; he does this with other elderly folks in later episodes too [the woman in the melora statue; madam musk], even when he knows their names. seems like maybe an internal rule that he has to refer to old folks this way bc it’s Respectful?

caleb, overexplaining: this is called a bath nott: i’ve heard of them caleb, still overexplaining: a hot bath

E5:

caleb: before i go away, am i looking for anything specific? beau: just people coming caleb, echoing: people coming…

caleb ducks back behind a corner mid-fight & says “nein nein nein"; repetitive speech

caleb later ducks back behind the same corner & says “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”; Big Autistic Mood

coin-counting!!

E6:

[abruptly] “well, my social anxiety is getting the best of me. i’m taking a walk. goodbye” + brisk exit

“sorry, my curiosity gets the best of me, always”; blurts out questions

caleb realizes belatedly that his question abt alfield giving them extra coin was callous, goes “it’s asking a bit much, i was too forward”; low empathy

“i’’m sorry, it’s very noisy in the shop. what did you say?”; APD

the whole conversation in the shop caleb is just–super blunt. “i’ve been on the road a long time and i’m carrying a smell with me, if you cannot tell" “to the point, i like it” “i don’t mean cheap shit” “well, it’s a barn, ja?”

caleb, on being reminded that people are dying: maybe i can put [turning frumpkin back into a cat] on hold, although i really hate to (emotional support animal + Different Is Bad + low empathy)

“we can do both, but there is a timestamp on the people. we should take care of the people first, because then we’re increasing how much gold we will bring in, because if they die then we will not get as much money for them if they are alive”; low empathy + extreme practicality

E7:

“yes, handle this [grievously injured] child, but then we’re very curious to ask a couple–i’ll shut up”; [sing-song voice] low empathy……

caleb: you know, it’s funny, because only about 30 minutes ago i also had a bird, but he was obliterated beau: oh, that’s right caleb: it was very sad. i’ll bring him back tomorrow shakaste: thanks for that caleb, oblivious: he and i, we are [crosses fingers] like that

E8:

jester: well, she’s mostly known for her hmm-hmm-hmm. outside of that, her voice is amazing, you should hear her sing caleb: what does that mean? jester: what does what mean? caleb: hmm-hmm-hmm

E9:

feel like it’s worth noting this is the episode where beau tells caleb “maybe you would know what we’re up to if you went along with the group for once!” & from there on out p much invariably caleb makes it a point to step back & go along wherever the group wants. so–internal rule!

“i’ve got to stop complimenting you, it does not lead to good moments” + immediately walks away

beau, shouting: he said enTHUSIASM! caleb, jumping & cringing: ohH jeez!!

caleb sees that yasha is uncomfortable w/jester hugging her & does an Understanding Nod; yasha says, “i’m very uncomfortable with human touch” & caleb goes “i feel like i know you better now”; reads as Same Hat

gets angry at jester. swipes mud down his face in a wordless fuck-you. doesn’t rly align w/any specific autistic traits but listen. listen. does that seem like the kind of thing a neurotypical would do? i don’t think so.

E10:

molly pins caleb to the wall & caleb does not make eye contact or speak

caleb gets stuck for a bit repeating variations of “who kicks a cat?!?!”