#<- look at me remembering to tag this bc i don't want a specific person to see

[shenzhiheng]

“Shixiong. Long time no see.”

Mysterious Lotus Casebook 莲花楼 | Episode 33

[lhazaar]

hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

[hongluboobs]

(sending myself an ask I got on Retrospring a while back because I was able to get a really interesting answer with help from a friend and I think more people need to be aware of this stuff. the original asker was anonymous and this question was sparked because I was compiling Hong Lu's lines for something and noticed just how many tildes and ellipsis he uses... and that it was making its way into my own typing patterns lmao)

about the hong lu ellipsis/tilde thing: i remember hearing an offhand comment from a kr speaker that hong lu's speech quirk is talking girlishly, and while i am not an expert in korean by any means, i've read that women tend to speak softer and more passively, drag out their last syllables (probably the reason for all the tildes), and end their statements with rhetorical question tags more often, among other things. it's unfortunately generally theorized this is a result of misogyny in korean culture. i wish i could say more but i really don't know korean and i don't how it compares to like, everyone else in the cast

(Original post can be found here )

This was interesting to me and i’m lucky enough to know someone who natively speaks korean and plays limbus in kr so i asked him about it! All credit to Ciel @/10seisan for this incoming text wall :)

Here’s what he had to say:

I, too, read that Hong Lu’s tone and speech patterns as being more feminine. Specifically, I would describe his tone as sounding like a mixture of customer service and feminine speech, if that makes sense. His vocal inflexions are more noticeable and they tend to go upwards in pitch, which is associated with feminine speech patterns. I would say that what the asker sent about how women tend to speak here is accurate, and I think that misogyny plays a large role in it as well. As an example, the passive speaking, we have the word 돌려서 말하다, which means “to indirectly speak about a topic” or “beat around the bushes”. This is somewhat expected for people of all genders in formal situations to be polite, but women tend to do it more often and in less formal situations as well due to societal pressure to not seem “aggressive” by coming across “too strong”. Tangents aside, Hong Lu’s tildes in the text corresponds to the voice lines where he drags out syllables, speaks more softly, and/or has a particularly noticeable rise in inflexion at the end of a sentence, so they certainly are indicative of his feminine mannerisms in speech. As for the ellipses, this depends more on the context, since they can be used simply to indicate pauses, but I wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of them coincided with something specific to his speech mannerisms as well. As for how he compares to the other sinners, I would say that, in some ways, his speech sounds similar to Rodya’s, actually—more so than the other sinners. Especially when it comes to the (canonically) male sinners, his speech is not at all similar to any of them. Yi Sang may be the closest if I were required to choose—solely due to his voice being on the softer side—but even then, Yi Sang has very little inflexion and typically ends his sentences with a fall in pitch, unlike Hong Lu

(Ciel’s thoughts end here)

This is all really interesting to me because as an english speaker (and as a person who tends to tune out vocal performance in general, esp if it’s foreign) i can only catch some of it. The delivery on Hong Lu’s lines make sense, especially when taking his background from his source book into account. (whether you want to purely read this as overly formal speech bc of the whole “family is like a cohort of kin looking for a chance to stab you in the back” thing or you want to read gender in it is up to you)

The fact it’s most similar to Rodya’s speech patterns is interesting too… I notice this in the english text as well (i’ve seen people mistake abnormality log text written by Hong Lu for Rodya and vice versa on numerous occasions) Rodya plays up her feminity a lot as a mask so it makes a lot of sense that it’s the closest to Hong Lu’s but still. very interesting. I’m a huge fan of their dynamic in general but that’s a tangent for a different ask, it’ll just be interesting to see if/what can make Hong Lu drop those speaking patterns…

I could yap a bit more on this but i think i’m just gonna leave it be for now because Ciel did a really good job at explaining it all :)

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

i would like to be in and foster an online environment in which discussions abt controversial topics can be handled civilly without ppl ganging up and sending an influx of anon hate. i think internet in general is a space where ppl love to be outraged and i want to challenge that. that's partially why i wrote this fic. i am tired of purity culture and of fandom/online hivemind. in a fandom where a lot of ppl clearly enjoy age gap ships, i say, what makes one better and more "morally correct" than another? what makes a sugar mommy au better than a college student x teacher fic? so many fics featuring dark themes are popular in this fandom (don't wanna name any names bc i don't wanna get anyone involved), but THIS is the one ppl are upset about?

i wanna ask a question -- is it possible to write a fic where ppl are NOT morally pure but still somehow manage to live and find happiness? why is it forbidden to explore those themes in fiction? when you look at ppl in real life and how weirdly their lives shape up, and how ppl are flawed and make mistakes and live unconventionally or sometimes immorally or unhealthily, doesn't that interest you? in a sense that you would like to read about it? explore what goes on in the minds of these ppl/characters?

ppl forget exploring a theme in fiction doesn't equate to condoning it in real life. each individual has to use their own best judgement when consuming a piece of fiction. i assume everyone reading my fic is an adult (as i write fics intended for adult audiences) and can form their own opinion.

i would like it if people could use their reading comprehension and critical thinking skills when reading my fiction, without me having to put up exact and specific 1826372929392 word disclaimers, so ppl's fragile feelings wouldn't get hurt. would it really be okay if i wrote in all caps before the story WEDNESDAY IS 22? you could have read the first paragraph and figured that out. i tagged it as teacher-student bc it's playing with the concept, even if they are not a student/teacher in the timeline of the story. i use implied underage sex as a tag bc in the 2nd chapter, and repeatedly throughout the story i reference larissa and morticia's relationship, that has occurred when they were underage. i mention that they engaged in sex. it is only mentioned, and not explicitly described. do you need me to write all of that out under the title in order not to send anon hate and clutch your pearls in disgust? or can you just read the story and decide if it's for you or not?

i implore you to read all of my works as a story, without attaching a moral judgement to characters' actions. if and when you do attach a moral judgement and form an opinion, pls remember those are fictional characters, and i am an author exploring certain themes bc i can and it interests me to do so. i want to write unconventional stories, controversial stories, romantic stories, funny stories, horror stories, i want to explore everything. everybody who reads is invited to look at them as a piece of fiction they can enjoy or not enjoy, and nothing more. i hope to take you on a journey that leaves you with something to remember, good or bad, but impactful.

from now on, i will probably write longer works and venture into darker themes (next thing i'm planning is murder mystery/thriller). there will still be fluffy pieces, but i just want to push myself out of my comfort zone. i would like to associate with fandom ppl who are open-minded and can read a piece of fiction without going ballistic. if you look at things black and white, you likely won't like my fiction -- and that's okay.

however, if for any reason you want to send me hate, you will absolutely be blocked. i am a person, and i do not deserve insults and rudeness in my inbox. it's easy to feel empowered and feel like you're fighting for A Cause (TM) and attach the Bad Guy etiquette to a single person. that can feel like you're solving something. esp when ppl accuse me of promoting actual p3dophilia -- that's a cause everyone can get behind. banish the evil p3do apologist!

i am a victim of child sexual abuse, that went on all throughout my formative years, and into my adult age, simply because i thought that's how it must be. that experience has scarred me beyond belief. i don't want to share the details. it's not smth i'm sharing for pity points, nor do i need anyone's sympathy. however, it is an experience that has shaped who i am, and perhaps for that reason, combined with other things, is why i'm drawn to certain themes in fiction. i don't owe anybody an explanation as to why i choose certain topics, but since there have been idiots in my inbox who have accused me of harming victims of minor sexual abuse, i feel compelled to say something. fuck you for using a group of suffering ppl to support your own flimsy arguments born out of puritanism and inability to cope with heavy themes in fiction.

you are absolutely welcome to CIVILLY discuss your opinions about the fic with me -- off anon, exclusively. but i know nobody will, bc this isn't about the actual contents of my fic, this is about the delicious morally righteous thrill of a witch hunt.

enjoy the fic. i will post next wednesday.

[frodolives]

I've decided that I would like to understand what my mutuals see in the old man music cinematic universe. I have loved and supported their derangement from afar in my life and would like to dip my toes in, so to speak. so I come to you humble now and ask: where can I get information about the beatles that will make me think about old British boy band members exploring eachothers bodies? if it helps, I dont mind their more well known music, but I've never really dug into it properly.

Oh man. You've no idea how tough this is to answer lol. My derangement regarding the Beatles has been built up over 6 years now and I hardly remember how it even began.

I suppose that yes, if you're new, you should begin with listening to all their music because it's genuinely very good stuff. Their filmography is also good. If you haven't seen any of their films yet, it's a great place to start because the Beatles' looks, personalities, and sense of humour are just as important to understanding their appeal as their music is (in order: A Hard Day's Night (1964), Help! (1965), Magical Mystery Tour (1967), Yellow Submarine (1968), and Let It Be (1970) - most of these should be free to watch on Dailymotion).

If you're very serious about the Beatles and into the history on an actual academic level, this is a pretty good list of free resources to browse through.

My personal introduction into becoming an actual gay Beatles truther was a series of fan-made documentaries on YouTube called Understanding Lennon-McCartney. It's been a very long time since I've seen them, but I remember them blowing my mind and making me believe in the concept of soulmates. As fun as it is to make jokes about the Beatles exploring each other's bodies, there's something genuinely profound and beautiful about Lennon and McCartney's relationship that shouldn't be overlooked. Chris Evans said it best:

The Understanding Lennon-McCartney documentaries series is also just the most comprehensive overview of McLennon that I know of, even if it's semi-outdated now. I watched them in 2019 and even in just the last 5 years, a lot of new McLennon info has come out. We are truly living in the golden age of Beatles RPF.

One of the biggest recent developments was Peter Jackson's 2021 Get Back series. They're basically a revamped version of Let It Be (1970) and also required viewing at some point. I know a lot of Beatles fans who were introduced to the band via Get Back so I suppose it's not a bad place to start if you're so inclined, though since they chronicle some of the last days of the band, I think they can be best appreciated if you're already at least somewhat familiar with the boys.

After watching all of that, I think you'll have a pretty decent foundation of what people on Tumblr are talking about. Then oddly enough, I'd consider Tumblr the best resource for info. There's more in-depth Beatles talk on here than any other website as far as I know and, in my experience, I learned a lot just by freely exploring various tags and blogs.

There's also the Beatles biopic cinematic universe which is worth dipping your toes into if you like RPF and want an entertaining way to learn the gist of the band's history. There's a lot of low budget biopics out there about those boys. Even I haven't seen them all yet so I wouldn't say watching them is an absolute must, though there's three iconic "gay john lennon biopics" that are entertaining bc of how genuinely gay they are: The Hours and Times 1991 (about John's relationship to Brian Epstein), Backbeat 1994 (about John's relationship to Stuart Sutcliffe), and Two of Us 2000 (about John's relationship to Paul McCartney; the most iconic and revered of all Beatles biopics).

I don't really know what other reccs to give. If anybody wants to chime in with other suggestions, go forth! There's just so much Beatles lore and it's easy to become overwhelmed by it all so definitely take your time lol. And if you ever have any specific questions about the Beatles, I'd be very happy to answer them!

Happy RPFing!

[wulvercazz]

grimmichigrimmichigrimmichi >:3333 (pairing meme)

heheh okay- so shiP IT ofc 😂 .. but here's the answers;

What made you ship it?

so... I have a very specific list of qualities I look for when it comes to my favorite male characters. And Grimmjow fit them all 😂💕

When I first watched Bleach the only thing I shipped was IchiRuki, bc naturally that was the only way to go for me tbh, but then Grimm appeared and I was obsessed. When it comes to otps for me, first I find a fave character, then I consider the possible pairings. Not any other way. And with Grimmjow... well the only option for me was Ichigo tbh.

Not to discredit any other Grimmjow ships, I've done a few of them myself, but with how passionately these two throw themselves at each other I truly couldn't look any other way. Lol

So tldr; Grimmjow's got slut potential and I dig that, and they're too into each other for me not to see "gay" plastered all over them 💫

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

Hmmm 🤔maybe how inherently feral it is, canon-wise. Also how harmonious their overall designs are together, there's nothing nicer than a pair that looks good together, at least as an artist. Also how easy they are (for me at least) to write/draw; I have a hard time focusing on one thing for long enough to get good at things (hence the many AUs lol!) so for me to have a ship I draw constantly for more than four years now... is truly astounding lmao. They helped me grow soooo much so they hold a dear dear place in my heart just bc of that alone.

And because of that last one: how easy it is to apply AUs to themmmm ;w;<33333 I can legit think of anything and make an AU out of it and not struggle too much to find the perfect place for them in it.

And also,, sort of fave sort of least fave- that it's not an overly popular ship in general (ik it's popular in the Bleach fandom itself, but rather; not popular like a ship from BNHA or JJK). Why; bc I get to have my quiet space where I draw all the ideas I want and yet have had verY few people throw insults at me for some of my darker stuff 😂 Bigger fandoms I've interacted with (as a viewer mostly) have had issues popping up left and right, people getting upset over dumb shit and letting that grow to huge proportions, "antis" everywhere... yeahhhh no thanks 😖

but also-- it gets verY quiet at times specially for someone who's so picky. Like, if I could find a fandom space like the exclusive bottom Bakugo enthusiasts I followed on twt (and even bought a whole zine about) but for GriMMJOW??? WOOF😭💕 so yeah,,, love-hate situation on this last bit lmaooo

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

A few 😂😭 everyone who's followed my art for a certain amount of time can probs tell how the 'tism really affects how I enjoy ships lmaoooo I have to enjoy them a very specific certain way so... that means I don't partake at all on a good few of the popular tropes for the ship. Some I can think of rn; damsel-in-distress!Ichigo, overly hurtful!Grimm (although this one is more old fandom I think 🤔? I remember, in a lot of fics back then, Grimmjow was portrayed a lot as this violent rapist adgdfddfdff not for me lmaoo), ofc top!Grimm, Grimmjow acting all macho relationship wise, and too much angst (I think this ship (and Ichigo in general lets be honest) can call for a lot of angst in fic so I totally get it- but ...meh, if it's not romaticized/sexualized angst, idc for it adgdfgf I don't like it when they actually suffer 😭)

OOH OH! ALSO --- making them OOC in AUs CAN be great actually (to me at least). I know a lot of people (not just here, but in any ship/fandom/etc) don't love OOC characterizations of their fave characters/ships (hence why it's a tag we use tbh) but I personally love that at times??? I won't do it all the time and all over the place... but AUs where there's space to make Grimm less violent? or Ichigo less friendly/loving??? While still within their canon character potentials--- hecC yes. >:)ccc

Also ofc; that I wish it was still common to tag ships as top-bottom like it is with HoEn/EnHo (bnha), VK/KV /trigun, KRBK/BKKR (bnha) etc or at least tag it some other way along the ship.... it would be sO much easier to filter out stuff i don't want to see instead of having to mute/block a whole person I would still love to see stuff from.

BuT I am aware most have no preference whatsoever lmaO so... yeah nothing I can do there except not follow people pfFFF 😂😭 (and wait until I find peeps with similar tastes aasdfs)

[iaus]

I SHALL return w specific scene but also ⭐️ bc I love hearing you talk about your v cool work 💖🫡

okay. we're. going to talk about porter. i talk about jace so much (not a bad thing!) but because i tend to draw towards epilogue for these.... i really don't ever talk about porter.

so. i'm gonna talk about a scene from the first chapter of darling.

which. looking away from the untouched draft and the new project.

anyway. i DID make a series for epilogue & darling finally. because. well they are a duo. :)

nsft writing under the cut. as is the nature of darling. <3

so. darling is also tagged unreliable narrator and i want to talk a little about that. specifically about the scene when jace and porter finally get to their honeymoon cabin. so far jace has mostly been kind of poking at porter. he's playing with him. seeing if he matches his memory. and porter's a bit adrift. he can't approach jace the way he used to because this jace is more independent (in a way... i'd argue he's swung more to codependent in a way but. we'll get into that later.)

so. they get to the cabin and look at the amenities. i wish i was more comfortable showing the pictures of the place i based this on but. privacy reasons because it really is a place not far from me. BUT.

their honeymoon cabin is literally one room. it has a little kitchenette that porter's disappointed in, it has a breakfast nook not made for a goliath-genasi (even if he is small <3), and a gigantic bed. well. we're not being subtle on what darling is really about but.

porter's biggest issue is. with the shower.

The shower, irritatingly enough, is not big enough for two. It’s hardly big enough for Porter. Jace finds it hilarious as Porter does his best to maneuver himself into the room. Gives Porter a mean little grin that Porter feels like he hasn’t seen in years. “Guess you can’t wash my back then,” Jace drawls as Porter closes the door.

i personally think this is very telling about their dynamic. in epilogue, at some point when jace is showering he remembers that porter would tend to barge in when he was conditioning his hair and bother him. porter's used to having access to jace all the time. jace was not afforded any sort of privacy in their previous playing house.

but now... there's a logistical issue with just the size of this place they're staying. porter is too big for this space. he cannot just barge in on jace when he's showering in this space. and jace immediately catches onto it and is mean about it. jace has gotten nasty over his week alone and he's more than willing to push that onto porter.

(and this is something else the audience gets to know. from epilogue, we know that jace will kill porter if he's ungrateful. jace is hellbent on having what he wants from porter. porter has no idea. he's still expecting their previous dynamic. he still doesn't know about the fact that there's a literal role reversal now. jace has the power. he's not about to ascend. he doesn't have the shatterstar. yea porter could physically overpower jace: but would he be able to get the opportunity to do that to this jace?)

TANGENT.

but anyway. porter's angry, jace is delighted. but then strangely enough from that frustration we get a bit of sentimental thought from porter:

He thinks about how Jace used to complain—that he hated showering together when obviously Porter just wanted to fuck him against the tile (not that he complained when Porter palmed at his hips, massaged his thighs, spread his ass, and pressed his cockhead up against his already stretched hole)—and then about how before he had the shatterstar in his chest, that Jace would sometimes draw a bath for Porter when they were at their house. Would sit at the edge of the tub and talk to hear his own voice as Porter alternated between dozing off and trying to get Jace’s clothes off.

they're extremely sexually charged thoughts. because i mean. you might be able to tell i think their relationship is really sexual even though they do have some sort of care for each other. but. porter thinking about fucking jace in the shower leads to a memory of jace taking care of him.

which. we never saw any of that in jace's memories of epilogue. in epilogue it was all about how porter took care of him, how porter happened to him. now that we're getting porter's pov we get to see how jace might have showed affection for porter.

(and how porter responds with trying to get in jace's pants.)

i personally think this paragraph is tender and revealing. because even though porter writes it off in the next few sentences and insists this connects to things that he did to keep jace around. it's the first thing he thinks of when he realizes he won't have access to jace.

it's romantic in a bit of a fucked up way. or as romantic as he can get.

He wonders, as he’s hunching over to wash the shampoo from his hair, if Jace remembers that. Little private moments that Porter was so sure Jace would find important. That he went out of his way to do because he knew it had been a good way to ensure Jace was loyal, that he was committed. That he wouldn’t leave.

this section right here. porter plays off his attachment to this memory. he says that he did this because he figured jace would find it important. it's something jace would want. and jace is already known as flighty at this point so i mean. of course he's trying to make it so that jace, known commitmentphobe, is comitted. that he won't leave.

but. there's almost an underlying desperation imo to this little thought.

he's trying so hard to keep this man here who has left him multiple times. he's going out of his way to create these moments and gestures that he thinks are VALUABLE to jace even though... he could get another caster. he doesn't have to entangle himself this deeply but.

porter, unreliable narrator in his own way, wants jace committed. wants jace to stay.

and what was it that jace said in epilogue?

you don't need me, porter.

you want me.

(jace does know him well, huh.)

[sp0o0kylights]

why the deep sigh before saying you’re a natural redhead lol

Several reasons!

For context this is in response to my answer in the "rb in the tags what would be the physical feature used to identify you in fanfiction of you if you were a fictional character" post a few days ago and the TL;DR is the redheads get stereotyped in specific ways I hate.

Large ass rant below (hey you asked lol)

For a lot of people, redheaded women are a fetish. ( When I was younger, I had people date me who later stated they just wanted to cross off dating a redhead, they didn't actually want a relationship, and my personal favorite, that they would never date someone who "wasn't skinny" but made an exception bc I'm a redhead. I've been offered a LOT of sex and a LOT of threesomes, because I'm a bucket list item and they will say so, to my face, in person. Like many things in life, there's a line between a preference or appreciation or even a "type" --and a fetish. The later being an issue because you're no longer seen as a person but an object, and people will make that creepily, disgustingly clear.

2. It's a stereotyped personality. Redhead's are crazy/hot tempered/insane (see: that one dude from Fruits Basket and I cant even pick a female character theres so fucking many) crazy in bed (one example among hundreds is We're the Millers "Eh she's a redhead there's a 50/50 chance she'd be into it") Soulless (I actually used that one to get through High School by insisting I was collecting souls to pay for my fire-lake front mansion, shouts out to South Park lmao), and many more. The redheaded step-child, the vixen, the other women, etc.

I have had my hair color come up in job interviews, with teachers, with coaches or trainers and even in situations as a kid where I was essentially asked "Hello kid I just met, you're a redhead, are you going to behave for me?" Related, my parents got a LOT of praise because I was quiet. Throughout my life the most common "praise" I have received is that I am "not a typical redhead" bc I am "calm."

You still see a lot of this bleed into fanfiction, but you used to REALLY see it bleed into fanfiction lol.

Addendum to both points above--the fetish, hot, good in bed thing typically only applies to conventionally attractive women.

Redheaded men are "ugly", and if you don't fit into the current but ever changing Socially Acceptable Hot Chick Look, then you're in for it. This includes weight, skin color/tone, freckles, type of hair, fuckin' eye color sometimes, the list goes on.

I vaguely recall someone who was doing a media study about how the male "problem child" in media is typically portrayed as a redhead. off the top of my head, the kid from Malcom in the Middle and the kid from the magic school bus.)

And that's just the cis shit.

3. People in general get weird about my hair. A lot of strangers enjoy touching it without asking, or otherwise felt ownership over it if I had parts of it dyed, etc. I legitimately had people get super upset the time I dyed it black. Hell I had STRANGERS get upset. People I never met in my life who were making small talk in the check out line, absolutely FURIOUS with me about dying it black, because they asked me what my natural hair color was and I answered honestly.

4. If you're over the age of, ehhhh, 25? 27? You probably remember the age of fanfic where we described EVERYONE by their hair color lmao. Redhead was right up there with bluenette. It was painful and that post reminded me of it.

[dooplissss]

i saw your tags on that post, can you tell me about the homestuck quadrants? i was hugely into homestuck like 10 years ago but i’ve forgotten almost everything. i want to remember the ancient ways

* cracks knuckles >:) *

Matesprit ❤️ is easy, its just what humans see as romance and true love etc. One of the two reproductive quadrants, yadda yadda you get it.

Examples: - Morticia <3 Gomez - Ruby <3 Sapphire - Darcy <3 Elizabeth, with arguably some grey/black romance thru the story but thats what makes it so enduring

Moirails ♦️ is my personal favorite quadrant and is fairly straightforward, tho the canon definition is different from fanon. In fanon, its interpreted basically as best friends/queerplatonic, which, yeah, can and usually does happen with that proximity and thats why I love it, but in canon its more a power balance to prevent violence and death, typically with one figure reining back a more chaotic one. When applying to humans and other fandoms tho its better to lean toward the slightly fanon interpretation since Alternia's violent culture is so different from ours.

Examples: - Nepeta <> Equius - Aziraphale <> Crowley (obvi the situation is changing but lets leave this here) - Dean <> Castiel (obvi i'm team matesprit but canonically they belong here up til cas declares his love) - Joel <> Ellie (this is a strictly platonic quadrant dw) - Caleb <> Nott/Veth (I want to shake liam and sam so bad and explain that the relationship they were looking for was right here and they didnt have to awkwardly choose between romance and friendship)

Auspictice ♣️is the one everyone gets wrong and drives me the most insane. It's a tricky and very specific balancing dynamic thats hard to find, except maybe on the CW. Canonically, its a group of three people, two (left and right leaves) want to outright kill each other. This does not make them kismesis, I cannot stress that enough, kismesis don't want each other dead, but we'll get there in a sec. The third person is meant to prevent them from killing each other, being the mediator. Its rare for this dynamic to not be outright toxic, esp in human examples, but its a healthy option on Alternia to prevent unnecessary murder. I think this dynamic is meant to be temporary tho, even in that culture, as it weighs on the mediator a lot.

Examples: - Eridan <3< Sollux ^ Feferi, unfortunately unsuccessful showing how difficult and straining this relationship type is (also everyone who said eridan and sollux were kismesis owes me $5, I'll become a millionaire instantly) - Edward <3< Jacob ^ Bella - Pearl <3< Greg ^ Steven, a happy ending example of an auspictice (ignore the ptsd)

Kismesis ♠️is. man where do I begin. its so good. its such a fun dynamic, especially when you have a pairing that gets it just right. Kismesis is perfect enemies, arch-rivals that share a mutual respect and drive each other to improve themselves to better outwit their opponent. Its when a captain sees one of their ships on fire and smiles, knowing just who did it. Its tipping your opponents head up by the tip of a sword. Its the bad guy showing up at your doorstep because theres no one else they trust more than their greatest nemesis. Its the other reproductive quadrant because its just as deep and passionate as true love, and it can in fact switch between love and hate very easily and often.

Examples: - Quark <3< Odo (imo the BEST non-homestuck example) - Batman <3< Joker (friend hates when i say this but i'm right, esp with lego batman) - Xavier <3< Magneto - Light <3< L - God <3< Satan, why not lmao

I wish homestuck was seen as less cringe bc the quadrants are SOOO FUN to apply to ships and dynamics in other fandoms and contexts. At the same time, people get the quadrants wrong constantly, especially between kismesis and auspictice. And the quadrants aren't static, you don't have to lock a ship in just one forever! feelings change and very easily turn from black to red to black again, its all so complicated and fun to watch.

Hope all this makes sense lmao, thanks for the ask!

[canpandaspvp]

KEEP TALKING ABOUT THE SBI FIC THING IM REALLY INTERESTED!! I've always wanted to study that side of the fandom under a microscope but it's scary.

buddy that place is WILDDDD. ok so things you need to know abt sbi side

1. they're damn good writers

2. i don't think they know how to write fanfiction

3. in another universe they create some very well known, published authors

because essentially everything they write is so fucking detached the second it enters an au. with dnf and the general dt side of things, there are differences. sure often times it's a bit more identifiable as fanfiction but that's not a BAD thing. it literally just means people know how to write fanfiction which is what they were intending to do anyways so like hooray

with sbi, i've read SEVERAL (as in i can go into my bookmarks right now and count out at least 10) fics that have just changed and deviated so far from the original source material that it's hard to even understand what they're talking about. in that regard, 100% dnfers get caught out before sbiers, but that's only in the circumstance that they get published at all. sbiers are really creative -- TOO creative, obviously to the point of creation ocs with names and descriptions that often times only vaguely resemble phil, tommy, wilbur, and techno -- which gives them the upper hand publication wise.

that leads into dark sbi which, let it be known, i have NEVER EVER liked. i personally thought it was harsh and unenjoyable but also goddamn did they make some good stories. obviously i read them bc even though i hated the vampires and the kidnapping and shit, it was good. the upper hand of writing fanfiction is that shit is more fast paced and attention grabbing, due to the lack of exposition and shit. so sbiers likely get published first, get discovered on booktube (not booktok cause they only read romance that's packed with tropes to the point of dysfunction), and they at least semi-spread from there until someone is who can't handle any difficult topics in fiction gets upset. but that's a different kind of controversy entirely

sbiers are good authors but they're stuck in this weird limbo of "it's not fanfiction it's just inspired original content" which sort of creates a new genre entirely. they pull some good fanfiction elements into its own realm entirely and it's really frustrating when you want to read fanfiction of something but if you're looking for something fast paced and good to read that aligns with the weird fanon universe they've created, they're your subfandom.

a lot of fics also appeal to personal issues that people are able to project onto easily (i speak from experience) so, while dnf is typically shorter, more accurate, and lighthearted, sbi has dynamics that people often crave in their real life and more people that they can insert themselves into. um that sounds weird but ykwim

they also have The AU's which dnf has but it's just not to the extent that sbi has it. the trifecta:

1. superhero aus

2. royalty aus

3. foster care aus

ran that tag for a good 2 years minimum. those are the sort of Peter Parker Goes On A Field Trip To Stark Industries type of aus where you have a good baseline that people get attached to, so you can sort of rewrite the same story different enough that people feel like they're reading smth new each time. and it works!! if people were to publish an sbi fic (which would likely fall into one of those 3 categories), it'd be realllyyyyyy recognizable just bc it was such a staple in the community. ifl im missing some other big categories but those are just the aus that i remembered off the top of my head that showed up a fuckton

don't get me wrong, i ❤️ dnf fanfiction and you def could publish it if you tried hard enough, but those authors do shit right. the characterization is so niche and specific, the dynamics are so unique, and often times, there just isn't enough in one fic to build and create a story. so much of dnf fanfiction relies on the fact that you already know those two, you know who they are, how they behave, their stakes regarding each other, etc etc. with sbi, the authors end up essentially writing their own stories so much so that they have to tell the story like it's a novel rather than fanfiction. it's very interesting imo esp bc fanon tommy for example is so extremely, incomprehensibly different from c!tommy or cc!tommy, with only enough hits of similarity to keep you hooked into the story with the illusion that you're actually reading the same character, when more often then not, it's like 1/4 tommy, 1/4 fandom misinterpretation interpretation, 1/4 author projection, and 1/4 recycled oc. again, speaking from experience.

also, sbi authors are pretty cocky about their writing, and it's really noticeable when they write a fic with the intention of changing the names and couple minor details to submit to an editing company for a few rounds of revision before they publish their nyt bestseller a few years down the line. they didn't need to leave the fandom to abandon their shit. lorehead analysts have a decent grasp of their content (but i'm biased), but lorehead writers?? different monster entirely. the second dsmp stands for something like "delicious small mtown pforsuperherovillanvigilanteshenanigans" then you know they're too far gone. they're attached to THEIR characters, not the dsmp's; if it means sacrificing the original source material for real life recognition, they'd do it in a heartbeat. i don't blame them but the point still stands.

this is all over the place i'm so sorry idek if i said anything you wanted to know but

tl;dr sbi fanfiction sort of became its own medium between fanfiction and original work so they're more likely to get published, but they fall into the same dynamics in the same type of universes that would easily get them figured out. dnf writers just seem to mind their damn business more. anyway, most dnf writers that left the fandom seem to want to completely forget that they ever did That. usually they just orphan/delete and move on cause they're embarrassed.

sorry again i'm so not good at explaining my thoughts but i did NOT spend 2 1/2 years reading sbi fanfiction 24/7 for nothing. i need to put my experience to use somehow so thanks for letting me do that 😭😭😭

[llycaons]

I’ll make this my last message since I don’t want you having to spend all day on another 15-paragraph essay because that’s just sad. I’d just like to state a point that apparently didn’t come across in my original message—one I didn’t think I *had* to state—which is that fanfiction *isn’t* published fiction. It’s amateur, free content on the internet and shouldn’t be held to the same critical standards and practices as critiquing trad pub fiction. That’s why it’s bad etiquette to, say, put fic on Goodreads, for example. Again, didn’t think I’d have to say that to someone who obviously spends so much time (so, *so* much time) reading fanfic, but here we are!

And just a note: if it’s ableist to say the word “weird” to you specifically and insinuate you, specifically, should go outside—which I *know* you do, I literally used to follow you lmao—then I sincerely apologize. That being said, I *know* you go outside, so I fail to see how that’s a broader shot at the housebound when… you are not. And I know that. And it’s shitty that you’d turn around and banter with your mutual who’s calling me a cunt. That’s fair game somehow, but “weird” is too far? Ok lol. Guess your pearl-clutching over what’s problematic only goes one way. Good to know 👍 Will hard block then! Cheers

it's a good thing that this is their last message but since they're hard-blocking it feels like a waste to even answer this one. I don't even have any other arguments since I was so thorough and said everything I wanted and ig they have no actual rebuttals so I'm taking this win. 'don't want me to spend all day writing 15 paragraphs' yeah right, they just don't want their argument to be DEMOLISHED again lmao and I don't think it's sad, I like covering all my bases. man I smoked that one. and I didn't spend all day on it, it took like half an hour? I was at work all day man lmao. and now I'm being held responsible for things other ppl have said? I mean I stand with my mutuals, but I literally never said that stuff in the actual reply

like I never said fanfic was just like real books, I just said you need to be held responsible for what media you create? did anon even READ my carefully crafted responses? friends. I am bereft. they're asking like this was an obvious oversight on my part but it's just inane to act like not being published equates to freedom from all criticism, which is what I SAID. it's not formal criticism, it's just what I think. you remember thinking? I can't turn it off! and since when was my SINGLE page a goodreads account?

as soon as they pull out the term 'pearl-clutching'...man how did this cunt used to follow me. that's right. I didn't even call then a cunt earlier when kiera did (WHAT bantering??? I posted my response AFTER I got this message) but now I WILL. you gotta be careful about who you tell to go outside, anon. and calling ppl a cunt isn't ableist lmao and I think it's perfectly reasonable in this situation. also if they used to follow me wouldn't they know my views already? what did they think would happen??? and since WHEN was saying cunt problematic???

and furthermore I appreciate the apology bc the comment about my tagging WAS out of line but irrelevant. my bigger complaint was more that 'weird' was a really vague criticism of my behavior. like nothing in ANY of those messages was compelling arguments that I should feel bad about what I was doing they just kept leaning on the morality of the words 'weird' and 'strange'. also just because you used to follow doesn't me you know me as a person?? ugh I just have to call them a presumptuous cunt again I'm afraid.

however this is bar none THE stupidest person I've ever argued on anon with so I will be sorry to see them go. it was so easy to win their weak, unsubstantial, shame-and-normalcy-based but somehow unapologetically amoral arguments...well it looks like I've written another lengthy response but that's fine, I like to chat on my blog to my neighbors and friends and anon shan't shame me out of that one either. how are we all this morning.

[cinematicnomad]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @zainclaw and @andavs 🥰🥰🥰

How many works do you have on ao3? 39 apparently

What's your total ao3 word count? 288,797 words

What fandoms do you write for? actively right now? nothing really lol. haven't published a fic since 2022. but i guess you could say 911 and teen wolf given some random WIPs in my drafts. also i randomly started jotting down some notes for a stranger things steve/eddie fic that will probably never be written.

Top five fics by kudos 01. take my hand (take my everything) (buddie) 02. taste your beating heart (sterek) 03. so show me (family) (buddie) 04. you never said a word (sterek) 05. be careful (my darling) (buddie)

Do you respond to comments? yes, always! i usually try to wait until i have a dozen or so, which can sometimes take a bit of time, but eventually i respond to it all.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i have a sterek drabble called and i fell heavy into your arms (688 words) that is basically derek seeing stiles die and then immediately letting himself be killed

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? most of them?? not sure i can think of one specifically that was happier than the others.

Do you get hate on fics? ah, i almost said no, but then i remembered that for my fic taste your beating heart every now and then i'll get scott fans who think the fic should be tagged as "bad friend scott mccall" even though he's NOT a bad friend in the fic, it's just a nuanced view of their changing relationship. like, that fic is about 3 main things that include: stiles and derek getting together, solving the main mystery, and stiles and scott's friendship maturing to a place where they can love each other and still be brothers without thinking they need to be in the same pack!! like it's FUNDAMENTAL.

anyway, i had one reader who i think quit the fic halfway through bc i gently pushed back on their rage comment insulting derek and stiles for a fight that takes place with scott. the reader left an angry reply to my response, which they then deleted before i could even look at it, and then never commented on the fic again even though they'd been commenting on the fic since chapter 1.

Do you write smut? no not really. i don't know why i'm so bad at writing sex, but i am very bad at writing sex.

Craziest crossover i have no crossovers

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of??

Have you ever had a fic translated? yes, someone translated my mike/harvey suits fic trembling hands into russian all the way back in 2013.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? i have not!

All time favourite ship? to write? to read? no idea, so i refuse to answer.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i've got a sterek idea that's an AU of the netflix show virgin river. i had a pretty brief outline that i sketched out some, and even started writing a little, but it never went anywhere. i did create an AU gifset for it and every now and then when people start reblogging it i think about going back to try and write it.

What are your writing strengths? i think i'm good at realistic dialogue? but i don't know. i haven't written in a while so i'm not feeling super great about my writing at this very moment.

What are your writing weaknesses? i suck at setting a scene. and conveying a complex emotion. also i feel like i get v bogged down in what characters are physically doing or whatever and i try to describe it and it just detracts from the story over all. yikes ok i'm feeling worse about my writing than i thought lol

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? if the context is there to understand what's being said, great. otherwise, just adding context to the dialogue tag (he said in french, in german, etc) works. personally i'd prefer not to scroll back and forth between the fic and the notes to figure out what's being said.

First fandom you wrote in? harry potter. on the site quizilla back in the year of our lord 2005 lol. i started off writing like. a harry/oc fic lol where the protagonist was the classic american exchange student who had her own prophecy. truly mortifying!!

Favorite fic you've written? i have a soft spot for taste your beating heart bc it was the first long fic i ever completed and it took me 7 fucking years to write it. but i think my favorite is actually finding our way (back home) which i really think captured everything i was aiming to do. will i ever be able to do that again??? who fucking knows. probably not. on the more self-indulgent side, i really really love the margaret buckley character study i wrote called so far from who i was.

tagging!! @woodchoc-magnum, @crazyassmurdererwall, @tattooedsiren, @machtaholic, @catdadeddie, @tripleaxeldiaz, @valleydean, @thisapplepielife, and anyone else who wants to do this.

[apopcornkernel]

thank u sm @lisascumslut78 for the tag mwah kiss tayo

how many works do you have on ao3?

48 on apopcornkernel and 23 on poppyf1owers!! the numbers aren't the same as on my profile bc i have some anon works hehe. so that's 71 in total! woag

what's your total ao3 word count?

136,751 on apopcornkernel and 50,067 on poppyf1owers, making 186,818 in total!!! and i have around 70k lying scattered around in my wip drive so :>

what fandoms do you write for?

i started with miraculous ladybug, dipped my toe in asoiaf (specifically jaime/brienne), went into genshin & hsr, and rn all my current writing is going into dc!!

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all this, and love too — spy x family — a whopping 4,379 kudos (??? still don't understand how)

lesterlicious — trials of apollo — 980 kudos (okay woag did not realize the numbers were that big now)

a fine bird nests wisely — hsr, jingfu — 384 kudos (one of my personal favorites dont read the others here just read my jingfu <3)

a chat in disneyland — miraculous ladybug — 337 kudos

Enough — miraculous ladybug — 327 kudos

do you respond to comments?

yes of course!! im just really bad at keeping up but i read and treasure each comment i promise 🥹

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have an unfinished jingfu fic (propaganda movement chinoy au) where there will be major character death! im really looking forward to finishing that one

as for published works, my friend sent me death threats when i posted redder than february flowers (hsr/jingfu), so I'll answer with that :3

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think it's gotta be all the stars crowd around the moon <3 just softness and love and warmth <3

do you get hate on fics?

i was about to say i thankfully dont but then i suddenly remembered that single comment i got on a fine bird nests wisely KNCNDVSHAHS let me just grab it for your viewing:

THIS WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE ON THAT AO3 I HAVE A FIC WHERE CHARACTER A TORTURES CHARACTER B AT THE BEHEST OF SOMEONE ELSE, AND THEN PROCEEDS TO MURDER INNOCENT SUBORDINATES AGAINST CHARACTER B'S WISHES TO ENSURE THERE ARE NO WITNESSES. AND ANON CHOSE TO COMMENT ON PURE BIRD FU XUAN SILLINESS 😭😭😭😭😭

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do! i have! there's one published (among our other torments not the least) which is wriolyney hate/desk sex, and there's an arlefuri one in my wips which will remain a secret until i finish writing it hehehe cant go spoiling the content yk

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i dont think i have :0 but i like to transfer concepts into another media, like for example yelone (yelan/pantalone) in a death in the nile plot, or crimson peak !!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope, or at least not to my knowledge LOL pls dont do it though

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope! i once wrote just dialogue for a liubai fic in my terrible chinese, tho, and then i translated it into english and added description and everythig!! here it is with the translation

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!! i dont think im cut out for it tho because im very bad at powering thru wips. i cant turn my writing on and off like a spigot :(

what's your all time favourite ship?

this is sososo hard and sososo evil but i guess jingfu </3 not thinking much about it rn tho bc im busy witj dc huhu

what's a WIP you want to finish but sometimes doubt you ever will?

JINGFU CHINOY PROPAGANDA MOVEMENT AU, dinahbabs fake dating, vichelena post-breakup situationship, hawk & dove aftermath of titans burning rage and legion of bloom in connection with the mordru arc, yelone crimson peak au, SO MANY . SO SO SO SO MANY

what are your writing strengths?

i genuinely don't know anymore bc my writing changes sm all the time. uhhh. i know how to perfectly format dialogue tags?

what are your writing weaknesses?

i hate starting things i hate too much description,, im also prone to really really long sentences, which i try to cut in half when editing, but sometimes im too tired to edit so...

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

girl im filipino wdyt HAHA

serious answer: absolutely. just make sure your target audience will be able to comprehend ur meaning. do this by either making a translation easily accessible without extra steps, or by making a translation obsolete by clarifying the meaning within the text!

or if you're writing, say, maria clara at ibarra fic, just write in taglish bc ur readers are almost all gonna be filipinos anyways LOL

first fandom you wrote for?

miraculous 😞😞😞 ladybug 😞😞😞😞😞 i wrote a chloe fic for an english assignment it was really bad but it was my first real story ever HAHA

favorite fic you've written?

VERY HARD especially since some of them aren't even published yet. but i will have to go with, again, redder than february flowers <3

tagging: @queer-cosette @theladyfae @hanaasbananas uhh anyone else who sees this and is a writer!!!! thank you for reading til the end LOL

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

Alright I was going to do this on anon but honestly why not own it, ya know? So I first came to your blog with its a match and then slowly spiraled.

First off, I can not believe how fast you've been updating its a match. I don't know what your writing process is but holy fuck you have been feeding us so well. The different dynamics between all the guys and reader is so beautifully crafted. And the way you writer the dynamics between all of the 141 is so good too! I personally feel like they've all been together for such a long time and have such a good relationship outside of the normal chain of command and team bonding. Beautiful! I love when authors write Simon as wanting to feel normal away from work, and you do it so well. Like yes he's gruff and has dry humor but damn does he wear it well. AND THE BANTER!? It's so realistic, like some books/fics the way character talk just sounds so fake, but the way you have them all interacting, talking and texting, is exactly like how I'd imagine them to interact. (SPECIFICALLY THE "HONK SHOO HONK MIMIMIM" PART. I HAD TO TEXT MY HUSBAND ABOUT IT I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD!!) Like typing errors when you text and emojis when you least expect them is just so realistic and I'm obsessed.

Secondly, I came for its a match, but have been scrolling through for all the pegging content. Like I'm not into pegging in practice for myself, but hot damn is it hot to imagine all these super macho guys turned into blubbering, blissed-out messes *chef's kiss* honestly! Like it took me an extra long time to eat dinner because I was so caught up in the pegging tag. Then closed out and came right back to it for any and all updates, wild. Now the thought of pegging is stuck in my brain for as long as the worms feed off it. So thanks for your anons blessing us with the gospel then fucking dipping, honestly meme worthy. And your reactions are so funny, I laugh out loud for EVERY SINGLE ONE! I went through last night reading and liking almost every post under the pegging tag, I couldn't help myself.

Honestly I haven't read your other things tagged in your master list that I can remember (I tend to read without looking at authors) but I'm sure as shit going to do that right after i send this. Also don't feel the need to answer to this if you don't want to, I just wanted to express my love for the vibes here and the discussions you've been having. Keep up the good work on all of your works, it's all been amazing (no pressure, just keep being you!) Sorry for the book of an ask, got a little carried away reminiscing on the fic and pegging parts 😅 hope you have a great day!!

You just made me cry reading this so thanks for that 🙄 /jk pls I can't handle the kind words and the love 🥺🫶

I'm so so thankful you enjoy the banter and dynamics and the texting and everything really! it comes very naturally to me (the banter and jokes) and I just let it flow as it comes to get natural dialogue

as for the pegging, blame my anons bc I literally had almost no hand on it, as you've seen, just corrupted pulled the sacred texts on us and blessed us with that brain rot and yk-

I also have a habit of reading without checking the author unless I've gone on a deepdive of their blog (and if I ever want to check if someone I don't know posted a new chapter to a fic, I just have to hope my dash blesses me with the next chapter LMAO)

I'm so glad you enjoy the vibes here, I'm honestly surprised my blog's fostered such good communication and energy and just... yeah!

(also do not apologize for sending a long ask, I love it so so so so much tytytytytytytytytytytyty)

hope you enjoy everything i've written and will write in the future!

[bodyfrmabalcony]

actually sorry to be back at this again but i did have slightly more to say about tim and jason (see last post i reblogged)

that post does a lot of analysis that i enjoyed re: their read on what tim is dream hallucinating jason saying re: his own death and i had a couple thoughts i wanted 2 add to that. tldr they r saying that this is wayy more about tim than it is about jason and i super agree. i said something about jason's line saying he killed himself in my tim post from last week, but it was kinda reductive, where i said basically yeah that sure sounds like like a way bruce might describe it!! but i don't really think that's the whole story - my more genuine nuanced take on that is a little more like: it sounds an awful lot like what a scared kid might imagine that bruce saying about what happened to a robin who fucks up, i.e., not something bruce said about jason but something tim is afraid bruce would say (or think) about tim if tim went the same way as jason

being a martyr and a cautionary tale and a failure - his own or bruce's - are all stacked up on top of each other w/ jason, and tim just kind of. has all that. to deal with. the linked post gets way into how tim is reacting to his mom's death, which is so so interesting to me, bc tim is clearly soo scared of his grief disqualifying him from everything else he wants and feels like he needs to do. he's scared he won't be able to be robin bc bruce sees him compromised by his grief, so he's got to grieve Just Right, at the same time that he's basically trying to take on bruce's grief for jason. the kid is in the poster house for Grief Alters Your Life In Ways You Can't Control and he's still trying to grieve correctly. oof.

and back to tim's relationship to jason post-jason's death, it's so interesting in every direction, but specifically a big thing to me is that on some level jason is not real. like he is, obviously, but tim didn't meet him and he's never going to. he's not dick, a man tim can remember as a child and whose apartment he can break into as a slightly older child. he's not bruce, a guy whose basement tim can end up standing in if he tries hard enough. he doesn't! exist! you don't get to meet dead men! jason doesn't need to be pinned down as tim's hero or tim's fear or tim's resentment, bc the most important thing is that he's just a story. he's just an idea.

and then, of course, what do u do when the idea puts a knife to your throat. or puts on bright yellow tights to beat u up in front of your friends. things get really silly!! quoting my own tags on the first linked post just to have them here as well:

#i think constantly constantly about the car crash disaster of #all the things ppl did in their grief after jason died and then #jason comes back. and sees things he was never meant to see #and it's specifically sooo interesting for the ppl who got caught up in the grief but never even met jason #tim looking at the memorial case #cass sitting at jason's grave on his birthday with bruce #like wtf is jason supposed to do w all that grief from ppl he doesnt know for a person he only sort of was #and on the flip side! wtf r the ppl who grieved a story supposed to do when the story walks up to them! #and in some cases. walks up to them holding a knife. #anyway just thinkin

[tangerinesgf]

Milestones

Tangerine x gn!reader

Tags/warnings: slight mention of sh (nothing explicit but its there), fluff, Tangerine is the best bf.

Sooo there's a few reasons I'm posting this.

1. I'm actually 4 months sh-free as of today and my therapist said I should celebrate or smth

2. For a lot of people including me it's really hard to talk about, bc of how it's looked down upon. I guess even though this isn't much at all, I hope that people who also deal with this ecan see that it's not their fault and that it's okay, because I know how hard it is. Everyday is a new day to start over, and I believe in you<3

Please don't read if any of this might trigger you, it's as light hearted as I think it possibly can be, but still, take care of yourselves <3

You hadn’t expected him to know, hell you didn’t remember until 2 days ago, but of course he and his amazing memory did. 

As of today you were 4 months sober, clean or whatever people called it. And even though Tangerine hadn’t been able to understand why you would do this, he had been nothing but supportive on your way to recovery. 

Anytime you felt an urge Tangerine had only been a shout away. Being by your side the second you needed him to distract you from your own mind. 

Personally you didn't really know how to feel about these milestones. You know you're supposed to be happy about it, proud even, but you still wished it had never happened in the first place.

Tangerine however was nothing but proud everytime another month passed and he made sure you knew it. Gifts, chocolates, anything you could possibly wish for.

And even though you still weren't sure you deserved all this, more specifically him, you were glad Tangerine was by your side.

However this past week Tangerine had been on a job and he was only supposed to return in another week, so you didn't expect anything.

The last thing you expected was him showing up at your appartment at 10pm. It had been raining and he obviously hadn't brought an umbrella with him so he was soaking wet. As were the flowers in his hand.

The surprise on your face quickly turned into adoration and you felt tears beginning to well up in your eyes.

"You didn't think I'd miss it, did ya?" There was a cheeky smile on his face as he offered you the basically drowned flowers.

You almost threw them aside launching yourself into his arms, not caring that he was completely soaking your pyjamas with his wet coat.

Tangerine wrapped his arms around your waist and your buried your face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm so proud of you, love."

It was barely a whisper into your ear, but at that moment it had meant everything to you.

A/N: if you are dealing with this and want to talk about it, don't hesitate to reach out. Talking about it is the first step to recovery. Love ya'll<3

Taglist: @venusthepirate @bratdoll666 @assmaster37 @wrendermeuseless @waiting4ff @kpopgirlbtssvt @earth-elemental18 @sisterslytherinog @dontknownameauthor (lemme know if you wanna be added or removed)