#<-recently added since more than one person asked if this was real

[imagitory]

Hey all! So recently Wish was added to Disney+, and I thought it might be a good opportunity for me to watch it again for the first time since I saw it in theaters. I asked you all what I should write about after watching it, and in the end, the top answers were an analysis of the criticism surrounding Wish and something focusing more on the positive aspects of the movie, rather than just the usual mindless bashing.

So that's what I intend to write! A look back at some of the common criticisms I've heard about the film, and how much weight they actually have.

Now, before we begin, I should put in a disclaimer -- I don't particularly like Wish as a film. I think it had ridiculous amounts of potential that were likely hampered by corporate decisions, but I personally find it to be one of Disney's weaker animated films. That being said, as promised, I will make any critiques I do include as balanced as I can, and I will try to include praise where I can too.

So let's start!

"Asha is a badly written character because she has no character arc."

This is a critique I actually found on a list also discussing valid criticism of Wish, and I knew I had to include it, because even BEFORE I rewatched the movie, I thought it was a bit unfair. Because here's the thing: there are plenty of good films, Disney or otherwise, where the main character doesn't have/need a character arc. All of Walt's original three princesses, Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora, don't have character arcs. Ariel doesn't have an arc either -- instead her father Triton is the one who goes through a change of heart. Neither does Pongo, or Basil of Baker Street, or Robin Hood. Indiana Jones doesn't go through any real character development in Raiders of the Lost Ark, yet he was interesting enough to inspire a whole movie series! with mixed results. The important part is that even if a main character doesn't develop personality-wise, we should still be able to root for them and want them to achieve their goal. We don't want Cinderella to be abused by her stepfamily -- we want her to find someone who loves her and will take care of her the way she takes care of others. Although it can be more interesting to give your characters an arc while they pursue their goals, it isn't necessary to tell a good story or write a compelling character. Sometimes a story can be more focused on how their life circumstances or environment changes around them.

Another criticism this leads into is the idea that Asha is just another "quirky female lead" a la Rapunzel, except without any background that justifies it. And well...plenty of people griped that Anna was too much like Rapunzel, when Frozen came out. I saw people compare Moana to both Rapunzel and Mulan, when her film came out. Mirabel was also compared to past Disney heroines like Anna and Rapunzel. Even before Wish came out, people tried to argue that Asha looked just like Isabela Madrigal, which was just ridiculous. There's plenty of bad-faith criticism out there that'll shallowly associate one character or story element with one trope exclusively without looking at any nuance or detail. And I think most people would agree that truthfully, none of these female characters are the least bit "the same," no matter how much someone might try to all boil them down to "the quirky Disney female lead." And, like the others, Asha has traits that set her apart. The big one for me is her bent toward social justice, which is something we haven't really seen in a Disney leading lady since Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Even so, I admit that Asha's quirkiness isn't as justified by her backstory as the trait is by Rapunzel's isolation or Mirabel's "outcast" status in her family, and that does make it so that her characterization has less depth than those of some of her counterparts'. Does that make Asha a bad character? Of course not. If you like Asha as written, that's totally fine. Underdeveloped doesn't have to mean unlikable.

"There are too many characters in this movie!"

Even I've been a bit guilty of thinking this. I still feel as though the film would've saved a lot of space if some aspects of Asha's friend group had been redistributed to other characters. Like okay, you want to reference the Seven Dwarfs in Asha's inner circle, but give them all distinctive personalities? Have her mother fill the Bashful role, and cut Bazeema. Have her grandpa be Happy, and cut Hal. Have Valentino be your Grumpy role, and cut Gabo. Have Star play your Dopey, and cut Dario. Suddenly you only have three characters -- Simon, Safi, and Dahlia -- to introduce in that kitchen scene instead of seven, and you've also now given Asha's mum, grandpa, and sidekicks more personality as well!

That being said, the amount of characters truly isn't the problem. The real problem is time. Because let's be honest, we can ALL think of media with a large cast of characters we've become strongly emotionally invested in. The Lord of the Rings -- The Avengers -- Hazbin Hotel...but the difference is how much time the audience is given to get to know all of these characters. Even Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, which has a cast of eleven, ends up leaving the Prince and the Huntsman rather underdeveloped compared to the Dwarfs. We don't ever learn the Evil Queen's whole deal or even her name, and she gets a lot of focus! With Wish only being ten minutes longer than Snow White with a cast of fourteen, it's little wonder the filmmakers struggled to have all fourteen of them leave a strong, unique impact. Even when I first watched the film, I didn't feel anything negative toward Asha's friend group -- if anything, I was happy to see a Disney animated female lead with a friend group of her peers, since the closest we'd gotten to that previously was Hiro in Big Hero 6 and Mei in Pixar's Turning Red. All of Asha's friends had the potential to be very interesting people, and that's why it's sad that we didn't get to see more of them and have the chance to become invested in them as individuals.

"Magnifico was actually right the whole time! Asha is the REAL villain of the story."

I see this one a lot, both from people who disliked the movie and fans who stan Magnifico, and as much as I won't give anyone a hard time for liking Magnifico, I think this view isn't really fair to either character or to the story the filmmakers pretty clearly wanted to tell. And sadly, as much as I want to be positive, I think this interpretation comes about partly because of inconsistent writing on the filmmakers' parts.

In Welcome to Rosas, there is this utopic vision presented of the island -- one that only reinforces the story told to us at the beginning by Asha, of how this man who loves wishes learned powerful magic so he could found this idyllic island kingdom with his wife where he could make wishes come true. Unfortunately, for some viewers, I think that propaganda works a little too well -- making us see Rosas as a place that truly is that happy and content and peaceful. And yeah, that does make it so that when Asha sings about how she wants "more than this," that could make her come across as rather selfish and entitled. But I think there are a few things that are good to remember --

Welcome to Rosas is framed as an advertisement of sorts -- like one of those commercials you see promoting Disneyland and how magical it is, without ever bringing up how much money it costs or how many lines you'll have to stand in. Asha's guiding some new people around with the goal of convincing them to stay and give their wishes to Magnifico, so of course it's going to sanitize the kingdom and make it seem like a place you'd want to stay in. There's blatant hyperbole thrown in there for dramatic effect, like the idea that you could go to outer space. Asha even sings that you're "unlikely to be unhappy": not that you'll be happy living on this island, just not unhappy. And yes, there is a difference between contentment and true, fulfilling happiness.

Simon's friends flat-out call him boring, after he turned eighteen and gave up his wish. This foreshadows what we learn about the wishes later, which is that they're a core part of a person that they're left a shadow of themselves without. At the wish ceremony later on, we can see this in the animation of the two "new citizens" giving their wishes to Magnifico. When they think of their wishes, they're full to the brim with joy, but when they've given them up, they're left looking confused and almost bereft, and even as everyone else cheers, they look unconvinced by the crowd's cult-like "forget without regret" chant. According to Wish's own canon, you're cutting out the "heart" of who you are, when you give up your wish.

Considering Amaya says that Asha will need to keep the tea hot, listen whenever and for however long Magnifico wants to talk, and never question anything, Magnifico didn't want an apprentice -- that would insinuate he'd actually be teaching them magic. If anything, it sounds more like he wanted a personal servant to cater to his whims. And when that person interviewing before Asha disappoints him, he's left running down the hall crying hysterically. This develops Magnifico as the film's future antagonist. Already long before he uses the evil magic book, we see that he wants a subordinate to do whatever he wants without question or complaint, seemingly for nothing in return except his own approval and, I would presume, some sort of paycheck. (I mean, I'm not saying Asha was right to expect favors from Magnifico so soon, or that that kind of quid-pro-quo stuff isn't corrupt as heck, but considering she and Magnifico did seem to connect over how important the wishes were, and considering Sabino's 100 years old, can you blame Asha for opening up about her hope that Magnifico would consider granting her grandfather's wish? She never framed it as a quid-pro-quo, and this probably would be the best chance she'd have to appeal to the King directly.)

Asha is seventeen! Of course her world view is going to be smaller and more idealistic than Magnifico's, and of course her family is going to be the center of her world. At the same time, even if Asha is young, it doesn't mean her perspective isn't worthy of compassion and respect. Sometimes the young do have a more meaningful view of a situation than their elders -- just look at David Hogg, or Malala Yousafzai, or Greta Thunberg...hell, even Anne Frank! However upset Magnifico was about Asha disagreeing with and contradicting him, it does not justify how pettily he decided to shut her down. He was an adult, and a ruler besides: it behooved him to act like one.

The filmmakers clearly envisioned Magnifico as the villain. Even if you want to ignore the promos where they compared Magnifico to the likes of classic Disney villains, Magnifico is portrayed as an arrogant, vain, vindictive control freak. He thinks only he knows what's best for everyone else, has decreed that only he has the authority to cast magic or grant wishes, and knows how beautiful people's wishes are, but prefers to hoard them away like trinkets, long before realizing that crushing them gives him power. (Not to mention he looked at Asha's hand-drawn animation and actually said, "Do we call that a talent?" I mean -- excuse you!) I've even heard some people theorize that Magnifico was based off Disney's "collect-'em-all" CEO himself, Bob Iger, and not in a flattering way. His main argument scene with Asha has been compared to how creatives have felt about their corporate bosses abruptly shutting down and locking away their incomplete films rather than let them be finished or released. Admittedly Wish also goes out of its way to try to make Magnifico sympathetic by giving him the slightest of tragic backstories, having him actually trust Asha enough to show her the wishes after only just meeting her, and (later on) not giving into the temptation of the random evil magic book because Amaya asks him not to, and that definitely muddies the waters. I still have to stand by the fact, though, that one's motivation doesn't excuse their bad behavior, however much one can explain the other. Magnifico having a sad backstory or trauma doesn't mean he's justified in treating people poorly, collecting wishes for his own enjoyment instead of truly loving them and the people they're attached to by sharing them with others, or not wanting people to ever question him or his authority. Magnifico's "nicer" moments don't mitigate these things either. Nor does his role as king. Even if yes, the story could've done well to add more nuance to the idea of wishes and make clear that not all of them are good -- and yes, the story could've either made Magnifico's villainy a bit more straightforward or followed through with the idea of Magnifico being a misguided anti-villain...in this film, we only see good wishes represented in Rosas. Magnifico even calls the wishes "the very best part [of a person]" -- and so one can only presume that all of the wishes Magnifico's collected are that way. Asha even suggests (before Magnifico interrupts her) that if a wish is dangerous, they could probably address that, while still giving back the wishes Magnifico won't grant. And the wish that Magnifico explicitly calls too "dangerous" to grant is Sabino wanting to inspire future generations, presumably through music. Paranoia on Magnifico's part? Perhaps, but also unjustified, in the context of the film. When Star comes down, every last person in Rosas -- including Magnifico's wife and queen, Amaya, who presumably must know something of his trauma and understand wanting to protect their people -- feels nothing but warmth, hope, and joy: all except for Magnifico, who immediately reacts in fear just seeing the wishes moving outside of his control. This insinuates that Magnifico's perception is the odd one out -- he's the only one who's afraid and not inspired, because that alternative magic threatens his absolute rule and control. Just like he's threatened by his people asking too many questions about the wishes he's taken. Just like he's threatened by the idea that Sabino could inspire the next generation in a way he doesn't approve of. And in the end, if that random evil book did corrupt Magnifico, it only magnified what was already there inside of him -- a greedy, obsessive need to hoard things away all for himself and to control others.

Again, for those people who see Magnifico more sympathetically than the filmmakers intended, I can understand why. Wish has two very conflicting ideas of who Magnifico is supposed to be, likely because it was compiled from dramatically different script drafts. But I feel demonizing Asha or ignoring the film's overall message about the value of people being free to chase their dreams to try to prop Magnifico up is misguided.

"Wish is bad because it's 'woke.'"

I almost wonder if I even need to say anything. This sentiment is so disingenuous, it seems like I should really be able to let it speak for itself. Ironically enough, though, I would actually argue that one of Wish's biggest shortcomings is that it isn't as revolutionary as it clearly wants to be.

For one, the culture of Rosas -- inspired largely by Spain and the Mediterranean -- is really never explored. We get no real influence of either of those cultures on the soundtrack aside from a few mandolins and a flourish of castanets now and again, unlike how Encanto embraces Colombia or how The Princess and the Frog celebrates New Orleans with their music. There's a lot of diversity in Wish's cast with a biracial lead and her colorful friend group (including Dahlia, who has a crutch!), but that would be a lot more meaningful if that diverse cast of characters had had fully fleshed-out personalities and relationships that made us emotionally invested in them, such as how Turning Red handled Mei and her friend group. We have aspects of social justice in Wish's storyline, sure -- but as much as you can draw parallels to Wish's story and the writers' strike that had been going on earlier that year and I think those parallels are striking, a film that clearly dealt with so much corporate oversight and meddling almost couldn't commit to making their villain a True Evil sort, and in the end, Rosas doesn't even do away with the absolute monarchy at the end of their supposed "revolution": it just shifts leadership from its King to its Queen. (And yes, I acknowledge saying "no more royalty" is a message that Disney, of all companies, would be hesitant to put out there, but you can't deny, it would've been both ballsy and different.)

Does this mean Bob Iger was right, that Wish is proof its creative types are focusing too much on message and not on entertainment? No. I'd say the bigger problems with the film were more likely caused by corporate interference -- you know, like hiring some popular pop composers to write songs that can be repackaged into other projects easily rather than primarily tell the story and develop the characters. Or deciding that our main female lead has to be able to do everything on her own without "too much help" from her main co-star (LOL, pun) because "feminism." Or defanging the villain with similarities to the company's CEO so he won't scare the kiddos. Or even animating the film at the exact same time as you're writing it like you previously did with Frozen II, to save time and take advantage of the 100th anniversary timing.

Even so, I sadly can't help but feel that Wish is "woke" largely in a performative sense. It features people who look different from each other and it talks about revolution and positive change, but it really doesn't go far enough to depict diversity in a way that people can get really excited about it or inspire deep thought and even maybe positive change in its audience. That's not focusing too much on message and not on entertainment -- if anything, it's more indicative of not giving the relevant and timely themes and the diverse culture enough focus.

"The meta Disney references are awful."

This one I think really is much more subject to personal taste. I've heard quite a few fans say how fun it is to find all the Easter eggs for other Disney projects or even to theorize how Wish could be connected to those movies in some kind of Disney Cinematic Universe. Personally I'm not in this camp, but that doesn't mean that I hate all the references included. The film opening with the exact same kind of text from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs actually made me smile. The Sleeping Beauty-esque drawing style in the storybook was pretty. Even the Seven Friends as an idea I thought was cute, when I first saw the concept art for them.

By and large, the references I tend to see more favorably are the ones only hard-core Disney/animation fans would pick up on. This might make me sound snooty, but I still personally enjoy references like Star's design being based on one of the star cherubs from a discarded Snow White sequence far more than I do the more blatant ones like Magnifico crushing a dream about a "perfect nanny" or the boy dressed like Rosasbound!Peter Pan. I guess for me, the first kind of references feel more like homages, rather than things that are deliberately supposed to make you think of other Disney movies you could be watching instead of this one. For other people, though, thinking of different Disney films while watching Wish is fun, and it reminds them of how much they enjoy those other movies too. It's good, clean, nostalgic entertainment. And well, Disney has put plenty of Easter eggs in its work before, though usually a bit more sparingly.

So yeah, I think ragging on the flood of Disney Easter Eggs in Wish is a bit unfair. As much as most of them aren't for me and I would've been happier with a lot less of them, I know there are other people who find joy in them, and I'm happy they do. The animators working on this film undoubtedly had a lot of fun including those references too, and I don't blame them! It's fun to create art celebrating what you love with like-minded people.

"Wish's songs are all terribly written."

Now up to a certain point, I could just say exactly what I said against the last criticism -- that this really comes down to personal opinion. Unlike meta Easter eggs, however, music is an art form, and there is real craftsmanship to it -- hell, people study music theory for a reason. And as several Youtubers have discussed before, there are real structural problems to how a lot of these songs are written. In some cases, it's an issue of cadence, where the way the words are sung don't sound like how they'd be naturally spoken aloud. In Knowing What I Know Now, for instance, sometimes the singers use the wrong emphasis on certain words, just based on where they land in the song, such as when Asha sings about Magnifico showing his "TRUE col-ORS in SHADES of GREEN," even if people don't naturally emphasize the second syllable in the word "colors." In other cases, it's over-stuffing a line with words so that the melody line isn't as memorable, such as in This Wish where the amount of syllables per line are all over the place and sentences get cut in weird places --

Isn't truth supposed to set you free? (9) Well, why do I feel so weighed down by it? (10) If I could show them everything I've seen, (10) Open their eyes to all the lies, then (9) Would they change their minds like I did? (8) But when I speak, they tell me, "Sit down!" (9) But how can I when I've already started runnin'? (8) Oh, this is where we've been, (6) But it's not where we belong, (7) And I may be young, but I know I'm not wrong... (11)

There are also cases where the songs barely use any actual rhymes in favor of half-rhymes or worse twist themselves into pretzels just to make an actual rhyme, such as in I'm a Star, with lines such as "When it comes to the universe we're all shareholders // Get that through your system! (Solar!)" and "Ooh, I'm a star! // Watch out, world, here I are!" (Excuse me while I cringe.) And then of course, most infamously, there are the redundant and otherwise weird lyric choices, most commonly cited in Magnifico's And This is The Thanks I Get?!, such as "I got these genes from outer space!" and "I let you live here for free and I don't even charge you rent!"

By and large, people have not responded as well to Wish's soundtrack as they have for many other Disney musicals. It could also be argued that the songs don't tell the film's story as well as they could've. The most egregious example of this is At All Costs, which is supposed to be our villain and hero singing about the beauty of the wishes the first has collected, but was literally written as a love song first, just because Julia Michaels wanted to write a song that could be played at people's weddings even if the movie in question didn't feature any romance. Even This Wish was written well before the script was finished, and this is when we can tell from all the concept art released by Disney that this movie had been dramatically rewritten at multiple stages of development.

And yet even with this, I still see people making animatics for At All Costs featuring their own characters or Asha and the discarded Starboy concept. (And yes, we'll come back to that.) I still see fan-made music videos featuring This Wish. Hell, even I have some of Wish's songs on my IPhone, and I listen to them actively! Knowing What I Know Now, as much as I see what's technically wrong with it, is still a bop for me. However much I had to take a full-on sanity break after listening to I'm a Star a second time, I do enjoy This Wish and At All Costs, just on their own. I don't think This Wish (reprise) is a bad musical or thematic climax, especially if one considers Magnifico's fear that Sabino's wish was to inspire the next generation through music, and it ends up being a song -- sung by his loving granddaughter -- that ultimately defeats our antagonist. I don't think any of Wish's songs really help tell the story as well as other Disney songs do for their films, but I still think there's room for personal taste here. Music -- like all art -- still has an element of subjectivity. It isn't a science -- yes, there is talent and skill involved that can only be mastered with practice and hard work, but there's still a bit of magic that comes with the finished result, and as much as it might not be popular with the masses, that doesn't necessarily make something worthless, or that public consensus can't change. Tchaikovsky famously hated the work he did for The Nutcracker, as did the critics of his day, only for it to go on to become a staple of holiday entertainment and ballet productions overall. Plenty of cult classic films like Labyrinth and Heathers didn't make a lot of money or get lots of praise when they first came out, but soon enough they found their audience.

"The animation is lazy!"

There's actually a much better video discussing this, made by a real professional animator, and I think I'll just let him handle this.

One thing I want to touch on, though, is Jennifer Lee's commentary about why Wish ultimately wasn't done in 2D animation --

"What happens in hand-drawn is that you have the incredible hand of the artist, but also limitations in what you could do on screen. What happened in CG is you'd have incredible, boundless opportunities, visually, that elevated it — even to the point for some — into realism, which is not what we wanted to do. The more important thing to us was to have a way to find technology that can do everything. Connect to the true vision of the artist, but bring in technology that could finally take away limitations."

-- and yeah, I'm not going to lie, this sentiment leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. The idea that hand-drawn animation somehow limits what art you can create is mind-boggling for anyone working in animation to think, but especially for someone working in Disney animation. I can't help but feel like Uncle Walt would've been ticked if he'd heard anyone suggest this. Anyone who loves animation I think would be annoyed by it, and I'd say people like Hayao Miyazaki continue to prove that Lee's thought process isn't true, considering that his hand-drawn film won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature the same year that Lee's Wish was passed over by the Academy altogether. To be fair, though, this is more a reflection on certain Disney leaders' dismissive attitude toward the medium that built their company as well as the vast majority of the films they're supposedly celebrating, rather than any condemnation of the hard-working animators who worked on Wish. And yes, although no one can argue that Wish ultimately doesn't look as good as its animated peers like Sony's Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse (which was made with half the budget Wish was), that's more the fault of a flawed vision on the part of the filmmakers than anything. It's certainly not indicative of a lack of talent, resources, or caring from the animators themselves.

"Wish would've been so much better if it had featured a love story between Starboy and Asha!"

Okay, let me pop this bubble right now --

None of Disney's official releases have ever indicated Star was going to be Asha's love interest.

The concept art featuring Asha and human!Star? Yeah, that exists, but there's nothing strictly romantic in any of those concepts, like them kissing or even hugging. At All Costs originally supposedly being a love song for Asha and Star? As touched on above, nope, it was even more of a cynical corporate decision than that -- the songwriters just wanted to write a love song that they could repackage and use elsewhere, even if there was no love story to go with it. The thing about Asha and Star supposedly being soulmates? That's derived from a comment in the artbook from Wish co-writer Allison Moore, talking about Asha and Star in their current forms, and so therefore the sentiment was intended platonically --

"Now Star and Asha have an emotional journey. They are soulmates."

And well, just based on a good chunk of the Disney animated films that had come out prior to Wish featuring male and female leads -- Zootopia, Moana, Big Hero 6, Wreck-It-Ralph -- there was really nothing definitive to suggest that our two central characters were going to be romantically linked. And even if Star and Asha were going to be love interests, that still would've been no guarantee of a better movie -- you'd still need compelling, well-developed characters, if you want to likewise have a compelling, well-developed relationship between them. And as I've argued in the past, a movie doesn't need romance to be good. If someone could feel sincere platonic love between Star and Asha as their actual movie selves, then any romance between them wouldn't be needed. I truly believe the only reason that so many people have gotten so hung up on the idea of a Star/Asha romance is because that original platonic "soulmates" idea Allison Moore and others envisioned just didn't ring true for them. They saw more love and interesting chemistry between the original concept art versions of Star and Asha than they did between any of the characters in the finished film...and so they've built upon those flickers of love with their own imagination and then built that mental image up into something that I don't think the filmmakers probably ever intended.

I must be honest, it was kind of a slog, watching Wish for a second time. I stopped multiple times to take notes, unable to just sit back and let the movie wash over me. Even so, I truly appreciate how much time you must've spent to skim through this way-too-long analysis, as well as the votes you all cast in that one poll of mine! I love analyzing Disney, and as much as I don't love Wish, I do think it provided great fodder for new fan creations and has amazing potential as an educational tool about both good storytelling and film-making. And if there are more criticisms of Wish you'd like me to discuss, please feel free to reblog this post with them! Thank you for your support!

To close us out...if you love Wish, then keep on loving it! Don't let anyone -- including me -- tell you otherwise. I don't think a film that was truly the worst thing ever would've attracted as much attention or overanalyzing as Wish has received. And for those of you who are still dissatisfied with Wish, here's a list of films I compiled that you can watch and enjoy instead!

For Starboy/Asha stans...Stardust!

For both Starboy and Chris Pine stans...Rise of the Guardians!

For those of you who love the idea of storytelling magic...Whisper of the Heart!

For those of you hungry for a diversely cast, "woke" fairy tale...Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1997)!

For people looking for a colorful, family-friendly musical...Wonka!

For avant-garde animation fans...Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio!

For modern CG animation fans...Puss in Boots: The Last Wish!

And finally, probably most obviously -- for those Disney fans looking for a loving tribute to 100 years of Disney Animation with a bunch of Easter Eggs and good humor...Once Upon a Studio!

Much love to you all! 💛

[shenqingqiustanaccount]

/r/relationships

My (32m) husband (30m) keeps saying he isnt gay. We've been married for five years. Help?

We met when i was working as a freelance writer. He was one of my regular readers, and he hated my writing so much that he paid me to move in with him (dont ask, it's complicated) so that he can edit my stuff. To his credit my work has gotten a lot better since then, but that also might have had to do with regular food & the lack of rent. Anyway we started making out like 3 months in. things clearly escalated and now we're married and we have 2 cats.

For like a year after I moved in he kept on saying that he was straight. Since we were having sex I kind of thought he was joking? Or that he at least stopped thinking he was straight when he introduced me as his partner to his family. He stopped bringing it up at some point anyway, and i figured it didnt matter after we got married. Only recently i brought up how he used to think he's straight and he told me HE STILL IS. How the fuck does that make any sense? Who can be straight after nearly 10 years of monogamous dicking?? I've never even heard him call a woman attractive!!! He is CONSTANTLY telling me about some new hot dudes he's seen!!

How do I convince my husband that he's probably not straight?

Edit: stop calling me fake i WISH i were joking but he is very serious about this. i asked if he thought i was attractive, and he said of course he does. i thought that was a "gotcha" moment but he said that because the protagonist of my novel is a self-insert, and that i described him as the most attractive man ever, my husband would obviously be attracted to me? because of novel protagonist logic?? i literally do not understand

Edit 2: Okay, i've tried some of the (ACTUAL) suggestions people left. I printed out pictures of "hot" people, men and women, and asked him to sort into a Hot and Not Hot pile. Most of the men were deemed Attractive and all the women (+some men) were deemed Not. i asked him what that means. i can't remember his exact logic but i think it boils down to the fact that he thinks all of his opinions are actually objective fact. i guess it's nice that he thinks I'm objectively hot. i spoke with his siblings, they all agree that he's absolutely gay, and they talked to him individually but he's still telling me he's straight.

Edit 3: i was going to ignore all those comments but you ASSHOLES won't leave it alone. YES, WE MET BECAUSE I WAS A NOVELIST AND HE HATED MY BOOK. He was NOT normal about it. i don't know what else to tell you. He's a closeted rich kid (as some of you had guessed already) and i guess he just yearned for the touch of a man so hard that i had to marry him. Whatever. it was our anniversary yesterday and he said "no homo" when he gave me flowers because i guess i was too insistent about him being gay. he was kind of joking but definitely not entirely.

Edit 4: some of you have guessed my pen name?? how??? A few others have even guessed my husband's username. Absolutely insane. I didnt even give that much info. He still says he's straight btw. Honestly i've kind of given up on changing his mind, but i did direct him to some queer websites a couple people suggested, so maybe reading more about internalized homophobia will cure him? It's actually stopped being funny and now I'm worried for his mental health, so I'm really hoping that personal stories he can actually relate to might do something.

Edit ??: you've fucking done it guys. he found this post. my sweet darling husband yelled at me for 5 minutes. those websites must've worked though, because he can easily go on for 20 minutes if he actually cared, and all the replies people left maybe helped a bit too. he actually apologized to me at the end!! can you believe that??? if you want to see him in all his glory he's the jerk with all the awards and upvotes in the comments here. you will definitely recognize him for a stephen king antagonist when you see him.

Edit 6: our cats are named Crybaby and Little Fucker 😊

[on-my-vigilante-sht]

Immortal Danger

Apollo x DaughterofDemeter!Reader

Summary: Apollo marries a half-blood without realizing how dangerous it can be.

Warning: PJO universe but no real PJO plot, (kind of) smut, threats, monsters, Ares slander

Word Count: 4.7K

Masterlist | Part 2

A/N Sam Claflin is my personal headcanon for Apollo and if he isn’t cast for the Titan’s Curse season I’m gonna cry

“Am I even allowed to be here?” I asked as Apollo and I materialized in his home on Mount Olympus.

“Probably not but Demeter’s already gonna be pissed when she finds out we eloped in Vegas,” Apollo smiles, pulling me down onto the couch. I laughed as he did so, taking a chance to look around. I was in awe. The ceiling to the sitting room was just a giant skylight and the sun seemed to perpetually shine through it. There were balconies in the column of the sun, revealing the upper levels of the extravagant manor decorated in gold.

“This place is incredible,” I said in awe.

“Yeah, Annabeth did a great job with the remodel. And it’s all yours,” he swore, his lips brushing against my cheek. “Everything that’s mine is also yours.”

“Really?” I challenged teasingly. “Then can I drive the sun chariot.”

He faltered. “Well… after Thalia, I don’t think-”

“I’m joking,” I assured him. “I don’t want to torch Antarctica. Or make North Africa freeze over.”

“I’ll give you lessons some day,” he promised. “Maybe when you’re a goddess and that human nervousness about dying instinct fades.” I laughed before he sprung up. “C’mon,” he said, pulling me up from the couch. “I wanna show you the bedroom.”

“Very subtle,” I chided him.

“I know,” he agreed with a cocky smile as he began climbing the stairs. “But you’re my wife now.” We went up so many levels I was beginning to get tired but Apollo was already practically dragging me up the stairs. When we went to a set of double doors I thought we were done with the stairs but there was one more flight. I followed him up, eyes widening as I realized his room made up the entire top floor.

There was a circle in the floor covered by glass with a view to the sitting room, allowing the sun to shine through the whole house. But the ceiling of the room itself was a glass dome, flooding the whole room with light. Surprisingly, it wasn’t ridiculously hot but that’s a perk of being the sun god. Several plants grew in various pots around the room—I had a sneaking suspicion he added them recently—and the walls were lined with various weapons, mostly bows and arrows. The bed itself was tucked into a sort of alcove, with pillows lining the edge of it, leaning up against the walls so as to make the whole alcove a soft bed. I noticed curtains hanging in front of the bed to shield it from the rest of the room, as well as a contraption above it against the glass probably to block the light from above.

Apollo came up next to me. “I know you’re a light sleeper so I had the curtains put in to block out the light.”

“This is incredible,” I said in awe. “But uh- do gods sleep?”

“We don’t have to but I love sleeping,” he smiled. “It’s one of the best things humans invented.”

I stepped closer to the bed, reaching down to feel the soft mattress. “Gods, do you know how long it’s been since I slept in a bed that wasn’t a twin size mattress?” I asked. Even though at 24 I was far older than any of the other campers at Camp Half-Blood, I had to stay there as the outside world had become too dangerous for me. Once I turned 22, Chiron finally let me have a room in The Big House because even the oldest campers besides for me were still around 17.

“Well,” Apollo began, getting closer until I was laying down on the mattress and his face was so close to mine I could see the gold flecks in his eyes, “I was thinking we’d consummate our marriage in this bed before sleeping,” he suggested, kissing me.

“I’d be open to that,” I laughed, kissing him back. Using godly strength, he managed to wrap an arm around my waist before pulling me up closer to the middle of the bed so our feet weren’t hanging off. As he kissed me, I could feel his hand find the zipper on the back of my wedding dress. But just as he started to bring it down, there was a bell and a shout.

“Apollo?” a masculine voice called through the house.

Our lips parted, and he rested his forehead on mine with a groan. “I hate him.”

“Who is it?” I asked.

“Hermes. Look, he can’t see you. He and I are cool now but he still can’t see you.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll just stay here.”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to my forehead before running downstairs to an incessant Hermes. As he went down the stairs I watched in amazement as his tux transformed into a t-shirt and shorts. Once he left I started looking around the room more, wary of the giant glass circle in the middle of the room. I went up to the weapons, finding various plaques describing what momentous kill each weapon was responsible for. A little bit self obsessed to have in your bedroom but, hey, that’s Apollo.

As the gods moved to the sitting room I could hear them through the glass. “I know you’ve been dating a demigod,” Hermes’ voice came. “Chiron just sent a distress signal about a missing half-blood.”

“So…?” Apollo’s voice came, trying to act nonchalant.

“I’m saying that the girl you’ve been dating is the missing half-blood. Chiron is worried sick because apparently she’s powerful but will attract a lot of monsters. And Ares is still pissed at you for putting an arrow through him during World War I. She could be in danger of him while not under Dionysus’ protection.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, man. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks.”

“I haven’t known you to go even two days without seeing the person you’re dating.” I could hear the accusing tone in Hermes’s voice. And Apollo knew he was backed into a corner.

“Yeah well, dating a half-blood is hard. Chiron and Dionysus have her on lockdown. And do you know what Demeter would do to me? You remember how she lost it when Persephone ran off with Hades. How am I going to explain that I’m dating her half-human daughter?”

“Well you better pray Ares doesn’t find out about her or he’ll probably kill her just to piss you off.” Kill me?

“Look I’m going to have father turn her into a goddess soon anyway. She’ll be fine.”

“You’re awfully nonchalant about your little human going missing. Is it because she’s actually here?” Hermes accused.

“No!” Apollo said unconvincingly.

“Y/N!” Hermes called. “I know you’re here. Come on out.” I froze. What do I do? Obey the god or obey the other god?

“She’s not here and even if she was, she’d listen to what I said.” I didn’t move, contemplating whether or not I should hide.

“Fine, then you won’t mind if I check your bedroom.”

Σκατά. I could just hide in one of the many other rooms in the house. Hermes probably wouldn’t take the time to check every room. But once I reached the top of the stairs, the door at the bottom opened revealing a very pissed Hermes and distressed Apollo. Curse godly teleportation.

Hermes turned to Apollo. “Wanna do some explaining?” he asked sarcastically, observing my white dress. I just backed away, giving them space to come up the stairs. “Seriously, man. She could be killed because you married her and brought her here without permission,” Hermes explained as they walked up the stairs.

“But no one else is going to know because you’re not gonna tell them,” Apollo said, getting in between me and Hermes. “Right?”

He sighed. “Hi Y/N, congrats on getting married,” he finally greeted me.

“Thanks,” I answered hesitantly.

“Why is she even here?” he asked Apollo.

“Well, we were supposed to go talk to Zeus but I’m working the courage back up,” he laughed awkwardly. Hermes gave him an unamused look. “What? I’ve been single for millennia and then I’m just going to go up to father like ‘Hey, I finally decided to get married. By the way, it’s to a half-blood can you make her immortal too?’”

“So why is she still here?”

“Well Chiron has almost walked in on us having se- OW!” I cut him off with a pinch to his side. “What?” he asked, turning to me.

I could feel the heat rushing to my face now. “Shut up,” I chided him.

“Hermes of all people gets it!” he insisted, slinging an arm around my shoulders. “You can’t honestly say you’ve never brought a girl to Olympus. Like Penelope? Pan’s mother. Because Odysseus would’ve tried to murder you had he walked in on you two.”

“That’s different!” Hermes insisted.

“How?”

Hermes tried to think of an answer for a few minutes before he gave up. “Fine, whatever. But either get her back to camp or tell Zeus what’s going on before anyone else can get their hands on her.” He left no room for argument because he quite literally disappeared in a flash of light that second. Thankfully Apollo had the foresight to cover my eyes for me because Hermes had turned into a ball of light before I could react.

My husband sighed as he looked down at me. “I guess I should return you, huh? I’m sorry I just can’t face Zeus today.”

I smiled softly at him. Truthfully I was in no rush for immortality. I wasn’t quite ready to leave my life behind either way but when Apollo burst into my bedroom declaring that today was the day, I just went with it. Reaching a hand up to cup his jaw I leaned up to kiss him. “Whatever you want, you’re the one who has to take responsibility,” I reasoned.

“Thank you,” he murmured, capturing my lips. “Do you think you can be missing for just a couple more hours?” he asked, pulling away from me.

“Probably,” I agreed. He was immediately scooping my legs up before dropping me onto the bed.

My new husband spent the entire night drawing orgasms out of me until I finally got him to stop. That was the thing about gods, sometimes they didn’t know when to stop because they didn’t always understand human limitations.

I was still breathing heavily from my last peak when I fell asleep on Apollo’s chest, so exhausted.

~

Despite the fact that the sun was down, Apollo could still see his new wife clearly through the moonlight streaming through the glass ceiling. He had laid there for hours, admiring her relaxed features and reveling in the touch of her skin on his. It was nearly five o’ clock and he’d have to get up soon. As nice and sunny as summer was, he hated having to get up so early to get the sun chariot ready.

He gently stroked the hair away from her face, pressing the lightest kiss against her forehead so as not to disturb her. Sitting up, he rearranged the pillows and blankets to cover her before sliding off the bed. He threw on some clothes, leaving a t-shirt for his wife when she woke up before disappearing to the moors of England. Humans thought the sun was always going around the world in a circle but for the west, the sun began in England because that’s where the dividing line fell between the east and the west.

Setting up the sun chariot to do it’s course, Apollo set it off, watching it crest up in the sky like every day. Before he could turn to leave he sensed a new presence behind him. Turning, he found a very smug looking Ares. Trying to play it cool, Apollo smiled. “What are you doing here, brother?”

“I heard about a missing camper,” Ares began. “And then Aphrodite told me about a certain marriage certificate. Filed both on Earth and Mount Olympus.” Apollo cursed internally, that wasn’t supposed to be sent to Olympus for another week. The one time bureaucracy was efficient.

“Ares…” he began, intending to work out some sort of deal but the god of war interrupted him.

“I don’t know where you’re keeping her but until she’s immortal, she’s fair game to kill.”

“You really wanna piss off Demeter like that?” Apollo challenged, hoping her mother could provide her a little protection if he couldn’t.

Ares shrugged. “She has plenty of other children. And it’s not like I’m killing Persephone.” Demeter’s first daughter truly was the apple of her eye. She loved her demigod children but she’d get over their deaths. “Should’ve thought about this before you decided to put an arrow through me in 1918,” Ares sneered.

“That was like a hundred years ago!” Apollo insisted. “Don’t put her in the middle of this. She didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Should’ve thought about the consequences of your actions before you fell in love with a demigod,” the god of war taunted before disappearing in a flash of light.

The sun god let out an enraged grunt before transporting to his house. He practically ripped open the curtains surround the bed to make sure his bride was still there. He let out the biggest sigh of relief seeing her still laying there, unharmed. But now she was stirring due to the sudden light flooding her eyes.

~

I groaned as the sun hit my eyes and a body came to lay next to me. “I’m sorry,” Apollo said, crawling into his spot next to me. “I really wish you could go back to sleep but you need to be back at camp now,” he said. I could now hear the urgency in his voice as I opened my eyes.

“Why? What happened?” I asked, sitting up.

“Look, I uh- may not have thought this marriage all the way through,” he said nervously, handing me a shirt.

My heart dropped and pain flooded my body. “What?” I asked. I cursed myself, I knew it was too good to be true. I thought that after seeing each other for five years he was being honest about wanting to marry me. But I guess five years to an immortal god is the equivalent to a week for a human.

Apollo turned, finding my hurt expression. “No!” he immediately tried to clear up. “No it’s the fact that you’re in danger now. I don’t regret you. I’m so happy you’re my wife now and that you will be forever. I just didn’t think about the other gods’ reactions.”

“Oh,” I said quietly, relief washing over me.

“I could never regret you,” he said, coming over to sit beside me. “I love you. So much,” he swore, pressing me into his chest.

“Is this about Ares?” I asked. He suddenly froze. “I overheard you and Hermes downstairs,” I explained.

“Yes, but I swear to you nothing’s gonna happen to you. You just have to stay at camp. Ares won’t harm you if you’re in Dionysus’ territory,” he said urgently. If his grave tone was any indication, I was in serious danger. “I’m gonna talk to Zeus. We’re already married and I consulted the Fates when I met you so he’ll probably approve your immortality,” he rushed out, handing me shorts to throw on.

I was at a complete loss of what to say so I said the only thing I could think of. “Okay, I trust you.”

He smiled, lightly grasping either side of my jaw. “We have to go. I’m gonna transport with you just outside of camp. The other campers won’t be able to see me but you’re gonna say you snuck out to visit your dad because you were… I don’t know… having a hard time being the only adult at camp?” he suggested.

I nodded, grasping his hand. Immediately we were standing on the side of a familiar rural road. I looked up at the hill in front of me, just over it was Camp Half-Blood. Turning, I found nothing next to me but Apollo’s hand still intertwined in mine was proof he was still there.

He untangled his fingers from mine and gave me a gentle push on my back to encourage me to walk. I did so hesitantly, slowly walking up the hill. As I spotted the gates of camp. Stood on either side of the arch, were two campers in full battle armor. I could hear an indistinct yell as I approached. Probably alerting Chiron to my reemerged presence.

When I finally reached the “safety” of camp I could sense that Apollo was gone. He had kept a few paces behind me but disappeared once I got past Thalia’s former tree. Meanwhile, there was a new threat currently facing me as both Chiron and Mr. D stared down at me disapprovingly. They so rarely agreed with each other and Mr. D so rarely even bothered to pay attention to us that I knew I was in deep shit. “Y/N,” Chiron said like he was scolding his 16 year old daughter, “come with me.” He turned, trotting away as I followed after him like this was a walk of shame. Dionysus just disappeared.

Once I finally reached the Big House, I spotted Mr. D and a woman in the room. She radiated warmth and life despite the rage coming off of her. “Mother?” I asked.

“How could you!” she immediately yelled. “You were seeing a god behind everyone’s back? Not just any god, Apollo,” she spat angrily. “And then next I hear you’re married to him?” she asked in disbelief. “Y/N, do you know what you’ve gotten yourself into? I’ve already lost one daughter to a god. I won’t lose another one.”

Had I not been speaking to a goddess I would’ve lashed out at her. It’s not like she was ever really there for me. How can you lose someone you’ve never been there for? “You’re not gonna lose me,” I insisted, biting my tongue. “You haven’t lost Persephone either, she’s only in the Underworld for a few months. I will be on Olympus with you.”

“Locked in Apollo’s morally depraved sex mansion,” she spat, clearly upset. My jaw nearly dropped, I was so shocked she actually said that.

“Demeter, as valid as your worries are,” Dionysus reluctantly said, “there is the more pressing matter of Ares trying to murder your daughter. And he’ll keep trying until Zeus grants her immortality.”

“Are those boys still fighting about the arrow in 1918?” Demeter demanded.

“Wait, Ares wants to kill me because Apollo shot him?” I asked.

“Yes, it was an accident but Ares never forgot. Especially because it allowed the Allied powers to win. At the time, Ares was kind of betting on Germany to be the next big thing but then when the Allies all blamed it on Germany, Ares wasn’t happy.” Chiron clarified. “And he wants to destroy Apollo’s happiness in revenge.”

“I don’t want you seeing him,” my mother suddenly demanded, still hyper-focused on the wrong topic. Even Chiron and Mr. D rolled their eyes at that. “He’s a no good playboy.”

“We’re already married. I’m not gonna just stop seeing him. And I knew what I was getting myself into. I made sure he actually wanted a relationship with me before I got attached.”

“Oh please-”

“He married me, didn’t he?” I interrupted.

“Demeter, if it’s any consolation he does seem to genuinely be in love with her,” Chiron defended me. “Apollo has never married in all the millenniums he’s lived. He has finally settled down.”

She looked reluctant to accept his argument but didn’t say anything else.

“S-so what do I do now that Ares wants to kill me?” I asked. “Apollo said that he wouldn’t touch me under your protection,” I looked at Mr. D.

The god of wine still looked reluctant to participate in all this. “Well technically camp belongs to all the gods and I cannot ensure your safety. Besides, Ares has never minded breaking a few rules of war. I’ll have to bring you to a more secure place whilst Apollo tries to convince Zeus.”

Demeter sighed. “I will go help him too but after you are immortalized we are discussing your living arrangement,” she said with a stern finger. Before I could reluctantly agree she was gone.

“Come,” Chiron said with a hand on my back. “You must pack only your essentials. Then Dionysus will take you to the convent you’ll be staying at.”

“Convent?” I asked, stopping in my tracks.

“Well, I am the god of cults,” Mr. D reasoned from behind me. “I have a few of my followers there but enough real nuns to disguise you. You’ll be safe there.”

~

I was only at the convent for two days before I was in danger again.

I had been getting along fairly well with the other nuns. Except for one. Her name was Peggy and she seemed too friendly and was always trying to be alone with me. With this being a place that housed Dionysus’ followers I thought nothing of it until I found myself alone with her.

I had been doing my daily chores of dusting the entire convent when Peggy entered the room I was in. I thought nothing of it until I heard the lock click into place. When I turned I didn’t find the nun, I found a gorgon with a grotesque smile on her face. “Daughter of Demeter, I hadn’t expected to see you here. I heard about your little predicament.” I glanced to the open window across the room. If I could just get outside I could trap the gorgon in nature. “Poor Apollo will be so heartbroken when he realizes his bride is dead before he was even able to give her immortality.”

Grabbing a lamp, I hurled it at the monster while she was still talking. It bounced harmlessly off her, shattering but I was already throwing myself through the window. Jumping through a second story window face first probably wasn’t the best idea but I needed to get her onto the ground. As I hit the ground I felt my wrist crack but I didn’t even have time to consider it because the gorgon was bursting through the window after me. She barely missed jumping on top of me but I rolled out of her path. As she was still regaining her bearings I willed the roots of the earth to wrap around her.

Thousands of roots sprung up from the ground tangling each other and the gorgon until they secured her. Any monster worth their myth could cut through my vines but they would come so fast that the monster couldn’t keep up until they were immobilized by the earth. Once the gorgon stopped moving and had just become an unrecognizable mass of weeds, I willed them to pull her into the ground. I’m sure it was a horrific way to die, having every nutrient in your body sucked out of you from underground until you could only become a pile of ichor that would remain in the earth forever.

As soon as I sensed that her life force was gone, I allowed some vines to wrap around my wrist, using the resources of the earth to heal my broken bones. As I let out a sigh of relief at the pain subsiding, I saw a faint flash of light. Now standing a hundred feet away from me were twin brothers, each standing around six feet tall, in full Greek battle armor. I knew enough about mythology and the context of my situation to know that these were Phobos and Deimos. If they weren’t standing between me and the convent I’d try to run there for safety.

“I’m so glad that gorgon was here,” Phobos said. “If it weren’t for you using your powers we never would have found you.”

Σκατά. Well, I just took down a gorgon, I could imprison these two. I let the earth crawl up their shins but they both just looked at each other with smiles before bursting into flames. Their explosion was so violent it threw me back a few feet.

I let out a groan as pain exploded in my body. Peeling open my eyes, I found the earth underneath their feet scorched and they were laughing. I tried to grow vines around myself to pull me into the earth as protection but a blade was suddenly cutting through them and I was being pulled up by my guimpe. Curse these stupid nun outfits.

“Wait, wait, please,” I begged.

“Too bad for you we don’t get to kill you,” Deimos taunted in my face, still holding me by the guimpe. “Ares is gonna torture you to death and send the footage to your husband.”

I did the only thing I could think of. I spat in his face.

“Ew!” he yelled, dropping me to the ground. I wasted no time tearing off into the woods, barely paying attention to Phobos berating his twin.

I continued on, tearing through the woods to get far enough. Seeing a flash of light, I turned the other way, trying to escape Phobos and Deimos long enough so I could hide. “Y/N!” I heard a familiar yell but I didn’t bother to stop. For all I knew, that was one of the twins playing tricks on me.

As I tried to jump over a branch my skirt got caught, sending me to the ground with a crash. Again, curse these nun outfits. Before I could get up though, there was a weight on me. I immediately began screaming and thrashing, assuming it was either Phobos or Deimos but two hands on my face made me look straight ahead. I calmed down realizing it was Apollo currently sitting on top of me.

“Hey, hey, you’re safe,” he assured me. “It’s just me.” As I started calming down, he pulled the veil off my head. “There we go,” he soothed, pulling me up from the ground. As he was still trying to calm me down, Phobos and Deimos appeared behind him. He whirled around, pushing my body behind his. “Zeus granted her immortality. She is under his protection!”

“What we don’t know can’t be held against us,” Phobos laughed.

But before he could do anything, I found myself in a new place. Olympus, I recognized it. Staring up in awe at all the thrones and the magnificent room made of marble. Eleven gods sat around me, including Ares. A completely golden throne that seemed to shimmer was empty.

I looked around, ensuring my head was bowed to all the gods—especially Ares—I finally reached Zeus, falling to my knee.

“Y/N L/N,” Zeus’ booming voice seemed to echo across the room. “You have been granted immortality by the virtue of your husband, Apollo. With the approval of myself and the fates. I hereby grant you goddess status: Y/N, goddess of healing, daughter of Demeter, and wife of Apollo.”

I don’t know what I was expecting but it was as if an unknown burden I didn’t know I had was lifted.

I stood, unsure what to do but all of a sudden a force was hitting me. As Apollo wrapped his arms around me I knew he had been what knocked into me. “My wife’s a goddess!” he yelled, still hugging me, much to the amusement of the other Olympians.

~

A/N I'm gonna be so fucking fr I had no plot going into this I just wanted to write about Apollo so if anyone has any suggestions or requests of a part 2 that ends this better I'm happy to write them

Masterlist | Part 2

[targaryenrealnessdarling]

No Pain, No Gain | Part 1 | PersonalTrainer!Aemond x fem!reader

Summary: The personal trainer your roommate Baela recommended to you is rude, condescending but also hot as hell. Series Masterlist.

A/N: shoutout to my personal trainer Alex for rotting my brain. This is my first modern!Aemond fic, so any feedback is genuinely appreciated, I hope you enjoy this, it was an absolute ball to write (and there will be more!)

Also I could not post this without tagging some absolute modern!Aemond QUEENS who inspired me to write this. @valeskafics @oneeyedvisenya @sapphire-writes​ you’re the real ones! Also massive hug to @ewanmitchellcrumbs​ for hyping me up and being a parent to this child she didn't choose to create.

warnings: EVENTUAL SMUT, 18+, sexual tension, binge eating, mentions of breakup, cursing, dickhead Aemond, reader is horny af, English slang (soz), warnings will be added when needed

To say you were broken-hearted would be a bit of an understatement.

You were angry, annoyed, frustrated, wound up tight and pissed off to the highest degree.

And it showed in how you acted these days as you polished off the salty family-size bag of crisps on your own in 10 minutes flat.

You look over at your phone and sigh when you see it’s already 6 o’clock in the afternoon. Another day sat on the sofa, wallowing in self-pity, eating yourself into oblivion and fairly soon pouring a glass of Baela’s finest white wine (now that it was officially almost evening anyway and it was justified).

Scrolling through instagram was like twisting the dagger that was already in your chest. All that stupid fucking app could show you was ‘ex in the bar with his new girlfriend’, ‘ex in the drive-thru with his new girlfriend’, ‘ex on the beach with his new girlfriend’.

It made you want to throw your phone directly at the wall. But you settled for squeezing the life out of it, imagining it was your ex’s stupid face instead.

The absolute waste of space had broken up with you over text on the night you were supposed to go out on a date. And as if that was not bad enough, not even two weeks had gone by before he’d managed to stick his dick into someone else with a pulse. At the time, you were so angry that you didn’t accuse him of anything, he’d already broken up with you. But you did suspect that this ‘sudden’ relationship he’d gotten into wasn’t as recent as first thought. 

It’s been a month since you found out about the other woman.

And clearly you were coping really well.

Indulging wasn’t something you usually did, but now you feel you deserved it. 

“Hello~” the soft, ringing voice of your roommate Baela was at the door. You half-considered hiding all the packets of various foods you’d managed to stuff down your gob, but Baela had seen worse of you. She’d seen you while you were throwing your guts up after freshers week at university. Nothing was worse than that and you shuddered at the memory.

She walks in, looking more put together than you by a long way, having been hanging out with her sister all day. That’s what you like about Baela, she’s not judgemental, and so when she sees you’ve barely moved an inch she just flashes her usual smile.

“Good day then?” she says with a smirk. You raise your eyebrows in return.

“Apart from seeing him plastered all over instagram I’m great” 

“Got any left?” she asks, extending a greedy hand for a crisp. You offer her the bag with a sigh as she slumps on the sofa next to you. She watches boredly whatever you have on the TV,

"Why don't you just block him?" She asks. And to be fair, she has a point.

But you huff and shove another crisp in your mouth, whining, "Cos I'm a nosy bitch with no boundaries"

Baela sighs, pulling out her own phone and scrolling through her notifications, "As much as I love you y/n, this is pathetic, even for you"

You'd be offended if she wasn't completely right. And you know she's only half joking so you just shrug.

"How was Rhaena?" You ask.

"Yeah fine, usual shit with Dad. Oh I didn't tell you-" she starts.

She has that glint in her eye which spells trouble. She's got gossip and you raise your eyebrows in anticipation.

"Hold that thought, wine first?"

"Obviously"

After giggling and waltzing over to the counter to pour two glasses of the finest box wine you could get for under seven English pounds, you hand her one and wait almost too excitedly for her to spill whatever sweet gossip she has.

She sips it, almost like she needs the liquid courage to begin, and she hisses at the sweet, acidic taste.

"God that's foul" 

"It was 2 for 1!" You retort with a laugh, but she is right, it does taste foul, "Stop stalling, tell me tell me tell me" 

She looks at you as if to say bitch, you are not fucking ready.

“Dad’s married Rhaenyra” 

The force of which your jaw drops open is almost comical. You’d guessed for a while that they were at least fucking, but to just elope?!

“I need money, cos I betted on this shit happening!” 

“Oh my gosh, Rhaena was fucking hysterical. Jace and Luke aren’t surprised at all, but Alicent is beside herself in the family group chat, it should honestly be a reality TV show” Baela says scrolling through said group chat. From what you can see without being too nosy, is that there’s a lot of long paragraphs and angry emojis.

“What about Viserys, surely he’s…” you ask, trailing off to sip the pissy wine in your hands.

“Oh no, he’s thrilled. Which pisses Alicent off even more if that’s possible”

“Baela I think your Uncle’s gone insane” you bite your lip to stifle a laugh.

“No fucking kidding”

You slump back onto the sofa, “Holy shit, I am a genius. I knew the whole time” you say, smirking in victory.

“And so humble too” Baela gives a sarcastic grin which you return.

“How do you feel about it?”

Baela shucks her phone onto the coffee table, sighing, “Not bothered, we’re all adults now, so it hardly makes a difference to me. Suppose it’ll get Dad to stop bringing back random women now” she says exasperated, “but Rhaenyra gets the impression we’re all really bothered so she’s invited us all to a retreat for a week. Think she just wants to butter us up for marrying our Dad”

“Oh? Anywhere nice?”

Baela looks over, giving you a wearied look.

“What?”

“Well that brings me to you”

“Oh god, what” you ask, dropping the tone to emphasise the seriousness of the talk all of a sudden.

Baela fiddles with the remote, in an attempt to appear cute, “Well~ There’s a spare ticket going and you’re my bestest friend. And I would hate to endure a week of watching my Dad eat Rhaenyra’s face off, so come with me please?” she begs.

You sigh, “Baela usually I would love to sponge off you like that but-”

“Pleasepleaseplease~” she begs, “Rhaena’s bringing her boyfriend and we’re basically together!” 

You fake a gagging sound.

“Oh come on, a week on a beach in bikinis,sweltering weather with as many cocktails as you can hold isn’t exactly torture”

You give her an incredulous look, opening your arms to emphasise all the bags of junk food around you, “Do I look beach body ready to you?!”

“Oh fuck off, you’re hot and have an ass that can keep the world fed” 

“I know I am hot, I just don’t feel hot” you stare blankly at the TV, trying to ignore her and stuff another crisp into your mouth.

Baela sighs, “I was just thinking it would be a nice distraction, that’s all” 

“I want to it’s just…” you start, trying to think of the right words, “...I don’t feel my best”

Baela gives you a playful slap on your arm, “Look, forget your ex, he’s dumb as fuck and it’s not solving anything by staying inside with the curtains drawn all day. If you want to feel better, might be worth taking care of yourself a bit, hm?” 

Fuck her, you think, rolling your eyes, she’s right.

You hate how often she’s right. Because she gets that look on her face when she is. Always has done.

“How about that gym membership you’ve not used since February?” she asks,

“Okay firstly, ouch. Secondly, I realised I don’t know the first thing about how to work out in a gym, besides the guys there were…weird”

You shudder at the thought. It was January and so all the new year’s resolution guys were at it in full swing, using the gym as a means to try and pick up girls. And since graduating you find that more often than not the guys who hit on you were students. Maybe it was different now?

Baela pokes her cheek with her tongue, racking her brain.

“One of my cousins is a personal trainer? I could text him to see if he’s happy to take you on. Mates rates” she smiles.

You side-eye her hard. You’ve heard briefly about her cousins. Some of the stories are a bit more…eccentric than others. And even though you’ve never met them, you’ve heard enough stories to satisfy your curiosity. 

“This isn’t the manwhore cousin, right? Because if it is then no” 

She scoffs, “No. Aegon hasn’t set food in a gym since graduating and he only went cos it was free. The personal trainer one is Aemond. He’s a bit…anti-social?” she pulls a face when she says it.

“He’s anti-social and he’s a personal trainer?” you ask, eyebrow raised, “makes so much sense”

Baela scrolls through her contacts, “Yeahhh. Don’t worry though, he’s just grumpy” she explains, “want me to text him?”

Your head falls to the edge of the sofa in a huff. You want to go and on top of that, it might be nice to finally have a break. That and you’d love to shove it in your exes face when he sees you’re on holiday looking your hottest. 

“How long ‘til the holiday?”

Baela grins victoriously, “A month and a bit. He does a month course for stuff like this, I can ask him about it”

What the fuck am I getting myself into, you think briefly.

Fuck it.

“Fine”

The force at which Baela’s nails tap against the screen is almost desperate.

Baela snorts a laugh at the message and turns her phone to show you the messages.

“He seems lovely” you roll your eyes sarcastically.

“Like I said, he’s just grumpy. He’ll be professional though” she says.

You sigh, crushing the empty bag of crisps in your hands.

“Can’t wait” 

After following him on instagram, you did a bit of shameless stalking. You’d heard a little bit about Aemond from Baela talking about her family, but he seemed the most mysterious out of all of them (save for the youngest whose name she struggled to even remember). 

He had very little photos of himself, mainly progress pictures of other clients he’s helped. And he seems to be pretty successful so far. A girl with a similar body to you managed to get toned on his one-month program and looked hot afterwards, so you had some high hopes that it was possible for you as well. But you did wonder what he looked like. There were only two photos where he was in frame, and he’d been tagged by another person, looking away from the camera.

From what you could see, he was very tall, lithe and slim but built, with silver hair that had been pulled up into a bun. Ah, so he’s a man-bun type of guy. Yikes. 

Unfortunately, the photo showed very little of his face, so you couldn’t be too nosy.

You sent a very brief message, introducing yourself, trying not to cringe at the idea that he might be doing the exact same stalking to your instagram right at this moment. A shiver went up your spine at the thought. 

It’s only when you’re in TKMaxx with Baela, shopping for gym gear the next day, that you finally get a reply from him. 

“What do you think of just wearing a sports bra?” Baela says, eyeing up a black shirt.

You’re too busy staring at the message, “Hm? Oh, I’d just go in gym leggings and a bra yeah. Just got a reply from your mysterious cousin”

Baela hops over, “What’s he said? Nothing bad I hope” she grins.

 You show her the screen.

Baela raises her eyebrows, “Very formal. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised” she says, seeming surprised that he’s at least cordial.

“It’s very ‘serial-killer-esque’ of him not to have a profile picture” you joke, locking your phone again.

Baela picks out a black gym set. Black leggings with a mesh pocket on the side for your phone and a black sports bra. You nod, “Yeah looks good to me”

“Oh please you’re gonna look hot in this” she smirks, leading you over to the counter to pay.

She rewards you for your efforts by driving you to McDonald's drive-thru. A send off to junk-food so to speak.

And when Monday rolls around, you nod in the mirror. She was right, it does look hot on you. At least in the safety of your flat where there’s nobody to look at you. In a gym, surrounded by other fit people and a personal trainer you’ve never met? It might feel slightly different.

There’s a faint swirl of anxiety in your gut but you pull your trainers on, grab a hair tie from your nightstand and drive to the gym you’ve agreed to meet at. Luckily it’s your local gym, large and packed to the brim with some good equipment at least. And you briefly wonder what kind of workouts you’ll be doing before pulling into the car park.

You see him as soon as you enter the gym. He’s very tall, slender but muscular and fucking gorgeous. What the fuck, is all you can think when you shamelessly scan him from head to toe. Like the pictures, he has his long silver hair in a bun, with a few pieces having come free and falling around his face. His legs are miles long in the black sweats he’s wearing, as well as the black top that sticks a bit too snugly to his front and shoulders, making your mouth water a bit.

And you can’t help but admire his side profile, how his jaw just so naturally and sharply juts into his chin. How his cheekbones sit so prominently and high on his face, framing his features. His sharp, defined nose. And you can’t see from here because he’s looking down at his phone, but his eyelashes are unnaturally long for a man. It’s just unfair, frankly.

Shaking yourself briefly from the trance you were in, you right yourself and approach him.

He looks up to see you before you even have a chance to open your mouth. Now that he's looking at you face on, you can see the shocking blue of his right eye and the paler, soft hue of the other. Not only that but the angry scar that ran down the side of his face, extending from his forehead to the mid part of his cheek, straight through the eye.

You look at it for a split second, surmising that perhaps he's partially sighted or blind in that eye. But you choose not to say anything and instead smile with an awkward wave.

"Hey, you must be Aemond"

He openly drags his eyes over you, from head to toe, just like you did a moment ago without his knowledge. But now that you're standing right in front of him, in the gym gear that you totally don't feel a bit self conscious in, it feels a bit weird.

He doesn't reply for a moment.

"I'm y/n" you say, forcing a smile to your nervous face.

"Hm" he responds lowly, "Baela's friend" 

You pull an awkward face and nod.

You feel so stupidly small against this absolute giraffe of a man and you daren't step forward any more, for fear of looking even smaller under his judgemental and indifferent gaze.

He sighs and gestures for you to follow him, seeming disinterested as he looks down at his phone. For a brief second you wonder how this guy keeps his clients if he's this rude, but you shake the thought away, not wanting to judge too quickly.

He leads you into one of the consultation rooms, separate from the rest of the gym. He sits on one of the seats, sighing as if he's had the hardest day in the world and taking a swig of water from his bottle.

Sat across from him, you feel a bit small under his gaze. He's quite intimidating, you now find.

"Have you ever worked out before" he asks flatly.

You shrug, "I've tried I guess, but never super seriously" you laugh awkwardly, but he doesn't return it.

He runs his eyes over you again, as if to say yeah I can see that.

"Stand up. Shoes off. We're going to take your weight and measurements" he orders, going to his bag to grab some things.

It's beyond awkward and quiet in the room with him as he idly takes down your weight, height and current eating habits, which you've had to be more honest about than you'd cared to admit.

Standing in the middle of the room, he twirls his measuring tape on his fingers. He measures your upper body first, which isn't too bad until he gets to your bust. You try and look anywhere else in the room while he measures across it, his fingers landing softly at either arm, taking a note of the measurement. You internally scold yourself, he is so much taller and surely must be able to see right down the sports bra. It only serves to make your face heat up with embarrassment.

If that wasn't enough, he gets to your lower body, measuring your hips and then thighs. He gets to his knees to do it and you resist the urge to pull your hands into fists at the proximity of him to your intimate area, separated only by a thin pair of gym leggings and underwear.

He doesn't seem to bother himself with the awkwardness. And every time you look at his face, he seems indifferent, bored even. Even then, his face is unnaturally beautiful, even with the scar.

He must really not like people.

Aemond sighs having taken all his notes.

"We'll do one training session and see how much weight we can do" he instructs. You nod.

"I expect you to be in the gym four times a week, three in the week and once at the weekend. We'll do one session together a week so I can check your progress" 

His tone is so flat, all you can do is nod. He looks at you,

"Got it?" 

Your cheeks heat up, "Um, yeah"

"Good"

He leads you outside to the actual gym floor which luckily isn't too busy, side-eyeing you massively when you pull your hair up into a ponytail to get it off your neck.

His large form leads you over to where the mats are kept, haphazardly throwing two to the floor.

He doesn't say anything past one or two word commands and it's incredibly difficult to not look in the mirror in front of you to watch him as he stretches. The way he stretches his arms over his head and it lifts the hem of his shirt a little, showing his happy trail, biceps rippling.

And when he does leg stretches, instructing you to do the same, you can't help but stare at how his thighs are basically bulging out from his sweats. It takes all of your strength and will to not look any higher than that towards his hips.

He watches your form as you try and copy him stretching. And your heart almost leaps into your chest when he uses his hand to move your ankle slightly, so that you put pressure on a certain muscle. But he focuses completely, professional.

Fuck, be professional.

All caution is thrown completely to the wind when he gets you on machines. He demonstrates some of them first, starting with the so-called 'easier' ones, like the inner and outer thigh machines that look way too…suggestive.

Of course, he's got it on a ridiculous weight to demonstrate which makes you scoff a bit. And when you get on the inner thigh machine, it locks into place with your legs spread. You thank every god there is that there's no mirror in front of you on this machine.

"You have to start with your legs spread as much as possible" he states simply, pushing the pads against your legs even further. It makes your eyes widen, sinful thoughts pop up in your head. But before they take root you shake them away.

It's ridiculously hard the first few times and he raises an eyebrow.

"Really?" He mocks a bit, the tiniest of smirks on his face "you're only on 14kg" 

"Fuck off" you mutter under your breath. He tuts and changes it to 9kg, bruising your ego a bit. But you finish the set nonetheless.

You think he's a bit of a psycho, because after that little remark he has you on every leg machine available. Making fun every time you have to be on the lowest weight.

After the session, you're aching in places you didn't even know existed and you haven't even rested yet. Knowing full well you'll be achy as fuck tomorrow and even wlrse than right now. The faintest sheen of sweet is visible on your pinkened chest.

"You're weaker than I thought" 

He runs his long fingers through his hair and you want to slap that stupid fucking self-indulgent look off his smug face seeing you all out of puff like this.

"Thanks, means a lot" you say sarcastically, drinking from a water bottle. He raises an eyebrow at the attitude.

"I'll send you your workout plan. If you have any issues do me a favour and don't bother me with them" he retorts.

"Charming" you mutter under your breath once he's gone past you. You watch as he walks away, briefly appreciating his broad shoulders, until the sour taste of his poor behaviour settles in. And you huff, texting Baela immediately.

You curse every god there is that you drive a manual car, because right now the thought of having your aching leg pressing on the clutch pedal might actually drive you to mass-murder.

This is going to be a long month.

Taglist: @mrsgrwy @lovelykhaleesiii

[skulla-rxcks]

ok hear me out.

Chan on his weekly live (ik it's no more channies room but anyways), as he comes to the end and gives STAY his famous "big hug", he hears Y/N enter his room, he's quick to end the live, but in all the hurry he pressed the wrong button, he didn't end the live, So now STAY can see him, but he doesn't know, mabye he can like- yk have s€x w Y/N while hes in camera? No need to but the idea just popped up in my head at school today so I just had to ask u (plz tag me if u do it tho)

WRONG BUTTON !

Paring: bang chan x fem reader

Rating: explicit

Genre: smut, channies room :(

Warnings: v*ginal, praise, Twitter goes insane, Chan accidentally doesn’t end stream 👀

Taglist: @f3lix00 @channiesgoodgirl @mal-lunar-28

Please dm me if you’d like to be added to the taglist ^^

For @foivestarrsketchez 🧡 !

A/n: I miss channies room man :’) (fuck Jyp, all my homies hate Jyp 😔✊) one of my friends just recently became a stay so they probs don’t know what it is. *sobs* i forgot how most of it ended too.. so I’m sorry about that, hopefully it’s okay tho !

!THIS IS PURE FICTION, NOTHING IN THIS IS REAL ITS JUST A STORY!

“Annnd.. that’s it! Thank you STAYS for tuning into another episode of Channies room and I’ll see you all next time!” Chan says, looking over to the door and seeing me wanting to enter.

He brings two of his fingers up to his eye, making his signature peace sign before pressing what he thought was the end button.

“Chris..” I mumble out, moving towards him. “I know baby, come here.” He coos, pulling me onto his lap. “What do you need?” Chan asks me, rubbing his hands up and down my thighs. “You..” I cry, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I need more of an explanation than that.” He chuckles, making me scoot back a bit so he can take his shirt off. “Dick.. I want your dick in me.” I beg.

“Good girl.” He smirks at me, unclipping my bra and watching it fall off my shoulders. “Fuck.. you’re so fucking hot..You gonna ride me?” Chan asks as he motions for me to get off his lap. I watch as he unzips his pants and pulls his cock out. “Wait. Condom.” I pause. “Don’t worry, i have one here.” He answers, I get back on his thigh and roll the rubber over his already erect dick.

“mmgh..” I whine as he stretches me out, my eyes squinting with pleasure.

“Oh god baby.. you’re so fucking tight and warm.” His hands make their way up to my waist as he begins to rock his hips up to meet mine. “Channie..” I moan, rubbing my hands up and down his chest. “Mmm.. fuck!” I move my head down so our lips meet. I capture his lips and begin kissing him. Our lips moving together in a rhythm. While we’re making love to each other there’s a knock on the door. Ignoring it, we continue doing what we were doing. I start riding him faster, moaning into his mouth as we both take each other.

“Fucking hell your cunts so addicting..” Chan groans into the kiss, his hands gripping my hips and bringing me up and down faster on his cock. “Y-you feel so good in me..” I whimper, one of my hands moving from his chest to rub my twitching pussy.

Another knock is done on the door, making me pissed off that someone’s trying to interrupt us, Chan notices the change of emotion in me and decides to call out to the person knocking on the door. “Yes? I’m busy right now.” He sighs hoping the person will leave.

“You realise you’re still live right?” It’s Han, he sounds worried and annoyed.

“You’re fucking kidding me right?” Chan replies, his eyes widening as worry fills his brain. “Nope, it’s all over the internet, people are talking and recording clips of everything. I’ll just come in and end it properly for you.”

“Shit..”

Han opens the door, keeping his eyes on the floor, acting like he wasn’t aware of what we were doing. He presses the ‘end’ button, double checking that he actually pressed it before deleting the stream off the account.

Han leaves the room, taking Chans laptop and giving the two of us some privacy to finish; since we didn’t have any earlier.

“What if you get kicked out of the group because of me..?” I whine into his neck, feeling a tear flutter out of my eye. “I’ll figure something out, yeah?” Chan replies, thrusting upwards into me. “

If nothing can make you feel better, at least sex does..” he chuckles, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck.

. . .

A few hours past it’s a little bit later, I’m laying in bed with Chan, we decide to check what STAYS are saying on social media about everything that just happened earlier today. It’s more tame than I expected luckily. Not many clips are coming out which i’m happy about people realising we deserve privacy, however it of course is going to be a trending topic all over the place. The other comments people are saying are like ‘i wish I was her’ or ‘Chan’s even hotter than I thought’. Guess that’s what happens when you fuck a kpop idol, huh.

[livlaughloveluke]

𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭- 𝐞.𝐥

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: ever since that night on the rooftop, you’ve known

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: a little cursing, brief mention of past toxic relationship, ethan being an absolute sweetheart

𝐚/𝐧- clearing out my drafts rn so im kinda posting a lot! this ones kinda short and sweet, but i think its cute 💗 also, you might want to listen to margaret by lana del rey, it will help this make sense 😭

margaret (feat. bleachers) by lana del rey

02:45 ━━━━●───── 05:40 ⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻

ethan’s heart sunk at the sight of someone on the roof, where he normally he spent his sleepless nights, thinking alone. he cautiously approached the mysterious figure, only to find out that it was a women who looked to be around his age, dressed in a lengthy white dress, with gorgeous shimmery pearls hanging loosely around your neck. 

there was something enchanting about this moonlight. you looked incredible, despite your glossy eyes and runny mascara, which had given away the fact that you had been crying. 

“you okay?” ethan muttered, unsure of what to do or say to the dazzling young girl. you jump, startled by the presence of another person. you wipe away what was left of your mascara, trying to clean up a little.

“yeah..? yeah.” you said, the first word sounding like you were trying to convince yourself, while the second ‘yeah’ sounding more persuasive and firm.

 “wanna talk about it?” the brown eyed boy suggested, unsure where he got his confidence from. something about the stranger on the rooftop made him want to learn more. 

“well, my boyfriend just broke up with me on our 6 month anniversary. he said he was taking me out to celebrate, but ended up dumping me while we were eating, elle woods style.” you shared. 

“he sounds like a real asshole. maybe it was for the best.” ethan stated. 

“i think you’re right. he was kind of an asshole.” the girl giggled in response. 

ethan grinned, taking in her beauty as they stared at each other. 

“well, i shared my story, now what about you? why are you here tonight? your girlfriend dump you?” you jokes, although you remained curious to what he reply was.

“uhm- no, no girlfriend. i like to come out here when i cant sleep. it helps me think.” he answers, taking a deep breath of the crisp, chilly air. he approached the ledge, and sat down, legs hanging off the building. it was scary the first few times, but recently he came to enjoy it. there was something so freeing about the risks of being this high up.

you mirror his actions and sit next to him. you look at the breathtaking view, before realizing there was a much better view right beside you.

you face him to ask a question. 

“how do you know?” 

ethan tilted his head in confusion, your question was to vague for him to answer. you continue talking, giving more context.

“what if he was the love of my life? how do i know?” this time, ethan can answer your question easily.

“that’s your answer, the answer is no. if you have to ask, then he wasn’t your true love. when you know, you’ll know.” 

you just hummed in response. 

“we never properly introduced ourselves. I don’t even know your name.” you inform him.

“we don’t even know each others names, and yet i still feel closer to you than anyone else in my life.” he added, letting out a dry chuckle, trying to hide how pathetic that was.

“i feel the same. you probably know more about my feelings than any of my friends, and we’ve known each other for what, five minutes?” you added. he was relieved that you shared the same emotions as him. 

you stuck out your hand. “my name is y/n.”

ethan got the memo and reached to shake your hand. the contact made butterflies fill his stomach. “my name is ethan.” he replied.

“ethan? i would have never guessed that was your name. don’t get me wrong, i think its lovely, but you look more like a conner to me.” 

ethan laughed at your comment, and swiftly formed a response. “conner? really? i think i look more like an axel.” 

“i could see that i guess, but all i can think about when i hear the name axel is this kid who bullied me in second grade.” you giggle.

“you were bullied by a kid named axel?” he teases. 

“yes!! and every day he would tell the teacher on me for something I didn’t even do!! and worse, the teacher believed him!” you were now full blown laughing, along with ethan who was starting to really enjoy talking to you.

you and him continued chatting a little longer, asking basic questions, but you wanted more. you wanted to know the real ethan.

“im tired of all these simple questions. lets go more in depth. for starters, if you only had one day left to live, would you tell anyone? why or why not?” you ask him. 

“woah. to be honest, i don’t think i would tell anyone until the end of the day, you know? why ruin your last day alive by being constantly pitied, if you could spend it happily with the people you love most?” he announced, and you nodded your head in agreement.

“now i ask you something. if were getting murdered, and got to choose the way you were killed, what would you pick?”

“wow, that took a turn. i would probably choose to get poisoned. its not painful really, and its pretty quick. just don’t poison me with bleach. i hate the smell of it.” you declared. 

this caused you both to start laughing again, to the point where your stomach hurt. after your giggle fest, your exhaustion got the best of you, and you yawned, sleepily. your actions did not go unnoticed by ethan, and he decided to call it a night. he helped walk you home, making sure to keep you safe. 

you talked the whole way home, mainly about your music taste. he was into the alternative indie kinda music, and you bonded over a few artists. then, you reached your dorm. you exchanged numbers, none of you wanting this relationship to end.

for the next week, you texted each other constantly, giving song recommendations, and just learning about one another in general. you figured out you both went to blackmore university, and took a few of the same classes. you were surprised you hadn’t seen him before, but then again, two weeks ago you weren’t looking. 

you were supposed to meet him on the rooftop again tonight. this time however, you wouldn’t be caught sulking in a dress. you changed into a more comfortable, yet gorgeous look.

eleven pm rolled around, and you headed up to the roof. ethan was already waiting for you, a bouquet of tulips in his hands. he handed them to you, and you couldn’t hold your smile back. 

“how’d you know these were my favorite?!” you  questioned him. 

“you’re mentioned it a couple times. i researched the meaning, and it turns out they symbolize growth and new beginnings, which i thought was perfect, because of your recent relationship ending and uh i-“ 

you cut him off with a hug, holding the flowers off to the side, not wanting to crush them. you pull apart so you could face him when talking. 

“they’re beautiful, eth. I can’t believe you put so much effort into them.” you informed him.

your ex boyfriend was a total dickhead, who never really cared. you weren’t sure if he even got you flowers once in your relationship. it was new having someone that cared, and the feeling of being truly loved was definitely not unwelcome. 

you both sat on the edge and started babbling like last time. 

“you know who i’d think you’d like? faye webster. she’s really good, and while she’s well known, she’s definitely underrated.” you blurt out. 

“I’ll listen to her tonight. whats your spotify?” he asks. you share your account and both follow eachother. he starts scrolling through your playlists and reviewing them. 

“taylor swift? really, y/n? i thought you were better than this.” he sarcastically says. you act offended, before retorting back. 

“taylor swift is so good! she’s popular for a reason. maybe you just haven’t heard the right album. i feel like you would like evermore or folklore.” he shakes his head, disapprovingly. he claimed he would never listen to one of her songs. (he spent 2 hours that night listening to the albums you suggested)

eventually, it got late and he started walking you home. out of the blue, he asked you an important question. 

“would you maybe want to go out with me one night? officially?” he managed to stutter out. 

“i’d love to, eth.” you respond. 

you had never really been completely sure of something, but that night you knew one thing. you were in love with ethan landry.

[lomltrentarnold]

❛ alleged girlfriend. ❜ — trent alexander-arnold

❪ part one / part two ❫

‣ warning : fem!reader, somewhat fake relationship au but not really, trent and reader aren’t really dating but there are rumours 👀 and they are not denying anything sigh, flirting, i think they like each other idk 🤷‍♀️

‣ hana’s notes : i really liked writing this concept idk why 😭 it was making me smiling and shit 😭 maybe i’ll do more fake relationship au with trent!! hope yall enjoy this mwah 🫶

MAIN MASTERLIST

━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━

trent never really liked parties. sometimes its way too loud, way too stuffy, and way too many people. if it was his teammates or friends he was fine. but sometimes it was strangers that just loves to ask too many questions that he feels like he’s in an interview more than a conversation. some just wanted to hear the drama about the transfers and relationships rumours.

“so trent, the fans want to know if you’re seeing someone or not.”

speaking of relationship rumours.

trent involuntary scrunched his face. if he hears that question one more time or anything related to that he is going to go crazy. the amount of times he has to dodge answering that question this night alone was insane.

it all started with a viral tweet recently that went out on how trent was always “seen” with this one person, a girl specifically, over these past weeks. everyone went haywire with assumptions. articles were posted, people were flooding his dms and his ig posts are full of comments about this mysterious girl.

who? when? how?!

“hello, pardon, i’m so sorry to interrupt, but can i steal him for a bit.”

timing couldn’t have been anymore perfect.

he snapped his head towards you so fast, you can positively hear his neck crack. with the sound of your voice, he could suddenly feel the clouds clearing, the room felt less stuffy, the birds were chirping and everything seemed fine.

your hands wrapped around trent’s forearm, moving to stand close to him, as you smiled politely at the person in front of him.

in all honesty you have been keeping your eyes on him ever since you saw an interviewer that you recognised speaking to him. with trent’s body language, anyone could tell that he wanted to get out of that conversation. so you excuse yourself from your friends and made your way to trent, a strategy already in mind.

the person nodded their head quickly, “yes, yes of course miss.” before they cheekily added, “wouldn’t want to keep you away from your man.”

trent internally cringed, he doesn’t want you to be embarrassed but instead he heard you giggle, your hands squeezing his bicep tighter. but trent knows you, he knows that was not your real laugh.

but when he turned to look at you, he can see that your eyes were sparkling, you were wearing an adorable smile that pulls on his heartstrings, the lights of the room making your skin all glowy and he thinks he might pass out.

as you both bid your goodbyes, trent immediately rested his warm hand at your back, guiding you through the room. you both ended up in a secluded area, hoping that it was out of the eyes of other people. but that proved wrong because you could feel every pair of eyes on you and trent as you both walked together.

leaning against a wall, you turned to look into his brown eyes that you have become fond of. you smiled at him, eyes involuntary dropping down to his rose tinted lips as he licked them, before it curls into one of his pretty grin that never fails to make you swoon.

suddenly you look over trent’s shoulder, you saw a group of people taking picture of both of you.

you can already see the tweets.

trent alexander-arnold seen with the same girl at a party last night!

trent alexander-arnold getting cozy with someone?

is trent alexander-arnold in a relationship? or is it just casual?

is trent alexander-arnold no longer single?

you smile dropped, and trent grew concerned, “what is it?”

you looked at him, an apology ready in your mind. “i’m so sorry. you just looked uncomfortable and i thought i’d came in and save you. but i am so sorry if that was crossing a line. because with the way it looked we aren’t beating the rumours anytime soon.” you rambled.

trent shook his head, a chuckle leaving his lips. “nah, it’s fine. thank you for savin’ me.” he smirked, at your relief face before a teasing look appeared on his face, “but, ya didn’t say anything when the guy said i was ‘your man’.”

you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore how your heart was beating like crazy, —this gorgeous man was standing right in front of you. you could smell his cologne, you needed to calm down— “you’re very welcome by the way.”

with the smirk never leaving his face, he took a step forward towards you, closing in on your space. you could see his dimples better like this.

“aren’t worried that people are going take our pictures together? with the rumours?” you voiced out, concern plastered on your face.

he shrugged, “nah, not really. reporters say a lot of things, doesn’t really bother me.”

you slowly nodded your head in understanding, lips pursed as a second of silence passed. “so…”

“so…” trent coughed out, he moved between the balls of his feet, “wanna get out of here?” he whispered, scrunching his nose in a way that has you smiling like a lovesick fool.

your nervously looked to the crowd, seeing if anybody was still staring. when you were positive no one was, you looked at trent, nodding with a smile, “yeah, okay.” you took his hand in yours, missing the way his eyes went wide and a shy smile appeared on his lips.

he interlock your fingers together, “let’s go, then.”

you don’t think you’re going to beat the allegations anytime soon.

tell me what you think babes <3 also part 2 ?? update : i posted pt2

[prideofcelestia]

❝ replaced mc au ❞

« characters - demon brothers »

« gender neutral reader »

« pairing - platonic »

« notes - repost from my old blog so there's a chance you might have read it »

Nobody had replaced you. Not really. It was perhaps difficult to accept that the brothers had gotten busier. At the end of the day, you were only human and bitter feelings crept in even when you didn’t want those to. Anxiety and overthinking were the real demons you should have looked out for but that was no easy feat so you were left exhausted owing to the burden.

Rituals that had been running since you became friends with the brothers began to crumble while you felt left behind. When was the last time that their backs had seemed so far ahead, so out of reach?

Never.

Movie night with Mammon? He wanted to, but the new exchange student got into trouble again after they encountered a demon and ran away — which was a justifiable reason — only to lose their way. When Lucifer found them hours later, they were shaking like a leaf and refused to listen to him. Not knowing how to deal with it, he punished Mammon to relieve himself of the guilt of his incompetence. Now, you were talking to a strung up Mammon who couldn’t risk asking you for help. Your best man was looking out for you because Lucifer would be mad if you got involved in it, but his tsundere tendencies didn’t allow him to communicate properly. It felt like he was dismissing your help, that he would rather not be with you now that he had another ‘charge’ to take care of.

Gaming nights with Levi? The appearance of a new person and the tension in the air at H.O.L made the otaku shut himself up. He was under the impression that you would want to spend more time with a human than a yucky otaku demon who had quite literally attacked you. Who wouldn’t after all he had done? For you, it felt as if he preferred games to you even though he was trying to cope by playing the ones that reminded him of you.

Reading with Satan? Lucifer seemed extremely stressed these days due to the added workload and this demon was recruiting new members to the Anti Lucifer league to plan the annihilation of the Avatar of Pride. At long last, he would overthrow the tyrant! Hahahahahah. No, he wasn’t trying to get rid of you. His hyperfixations could be quite… scary and sometimes he forgot himself owing to his need to be acknowledged.

Spa sessions with Asmo? He had a shoot coming up! Sorry hon, but he needed a rain check. He intentionally didn't tell you how the first preference for the shoot was Mammon but because the Avatar of Greed already had other engagements, they hired Asmo. It stung and took a huge blow at his self confidence. So, he wanted to do some soul searching where he would try to remind himself that he's the best. MC, just wait for the shoot to finish. He would show you the results proudly and voice his complaints about Mammon! Waiting, however, felt like the only thing you were doing recently and that made you… distraught.

Beelzebub was supposed to be their new bodyguard because Mammon was incompetent. So, hanging out with him didn't seem like the best option. He would already be distracted by his hunger while having to keep an eye on the nervous exchange student to pay attention to you. Maybe it was better to live with the memories of being acknowledged than stay long enough to be forgotten and ignored? Your presence might make matters worse. So, you couldn’t fully enjoy sitting on his back while he did his exercise. Despite the skinship, there seemed to be a wide wall between the two of you.

Cuddle nights with Belphegor were a restless ordeal. He kept getting nightmares about what he had done to you in the past. It was unforgivable. A new defenceless human shouldn’t be allowed in his vicinity. His sleep was filled with horrors that he couldn’t put into words because you were in all of them. How was he supposed to admit it? The gap widened till he curled himself up in a little corner in the attic. It widened till you couldn’t bear to see him anymore.

After some contemplation, you concluded that you were not needed. Perhaps there wasn’t any reason for you to feel that way but you were scared of being abandoned, forgotten. Rational thoughts had deserted you.

So, you did what felt best.

You ran away from H.O.L. Maybe they wouldn’t notice since they seemed busy these days.

But they did notice.

Everyday, they waited for meal times so that they could enjoy your company. Despite their busy schedules, they had always made it a point to spend some time together while eating. Seeing your smiling face or talking to you about your problems seemed to make the brother's food taste better.

When you didn’t show up, even Beel felt his appetite wane as he followed his brothers to go search for you. Lucifer almost threw his D.D.D away in frustration when you wouldn’t pick up. Mammon was on the verge of tears. Leviathan tried contacting you on every social media account you had. Satan tried communicating with cats to ask if they had seen you after some of his helpful acquaintances were notified. Asmo frowned and had to be restrained before he declared on Devilgram that you had been kidnapped. He reasoned that his fans might help! Beel followed Lucifer’s orders and started contacting the Purgatory boys while Belphie looked alert and ready to take charge.

When they learned of your whereabouts, they rushed to the destination. Lucifer stayed back, waiting impatiently for Simeon to take care of the exchange student while nobody else was at H.O.L. He paced the room impatiently and contacted Beel every ten (in reality it was two) minutes, asking after you. Not a moment passed when his mind was free of you.

They were worried sick. All of them.

They needed to make sure that you were safe.

Lucifer might have been the last one to arrive but he was the first one to hug you. The others followed suit and held you close.

Tears were shed, vulnerable thoughts were let out, apologies were exchanged.

You didn’t know whose chest you cried on or whose hand reassuringly ran down your head. You only knew affection in the moment.

Lucifer whispered in your ear. It sounded like a faraway euphony of one who wasn’t used to proclaiming his feelings freely but it echoed in your mind with truth and love.

“MC, you can never replace family and that’s what you mean to us.”

The others grunted in unison and tightened the bear hug.

It was a vow.

You will always be remembered.

[ladymarycrawley]

Always by your side - Trent Alexander-Arnold

Request: Either for mason or Trent but then getting upset over their recent form and comments online and the reader comforting them

Warning: none, just some good fluff to cheer this little puppy up

Tag list: @masonxomount @chelsealover

That match seemed to have started in the best of ways with Liverpool leading with two goals scored in the first fifteen minutes of the first half but Real Madrid was able to flip the whole game to their advantage so that they would have the upper hand and beat the home team 5-2. 

Needless to say Trent was absolutely devastated by the defeat, as it made it particularly hard to make it onto the next round. He has been going through a lot lately, career-wise, and this was just another thing adding to those that have been happening till that moment.

You knew comforting him would have been really hard but leaving him on his own, replaying in his head all the things he could've done right and dwelling on them, wasn't definitely an option.

You dreaded the moment he would cross the threshold of your house and you found yourself gulping out loud when your eyes caught sight of his figure doing so. His stare was fixed on the ground, holding a grudge that was pretty self explanatory. 

"Hey"

He raised his stare only when the loud thud of your front door slamming shut and met your eyes, a veil of sadness covering them.

"Hey"

Trent almost threw his backpack on the wooden floor and lazily dragged his weary body towards you, to get that much needed hug from his favourite person that he knew would have been there waiting for him no matter what.

"Come here" You muttered against his temple, before pressing a kiss there.

The only things that could have made him feel better were, apart from a good cuddling session, some junk food paired with one of his comfort films he would have watched over and over again.

“We can-”

“I just need some alone time”

Well, you thought he would have loved to spend some time with you but you weren’t that  sure after that brutal answer that resonated in the living room.

His answer instilled in you a sense of disbelief, as the option of him wanting and needing to have some time just for himself, to analyze the great loss his team just suffered, wasn’t acceptable. But you knew a core concept to every human relationship is respect so the only thing you could really do was accept his will and step aside.

“Uhm yeah, okay. I see” You stepped back from his body, as he already moved his arms away from your body, to leave him the space he needed.

He thanked you silently, with a half smile gracing his plumpy lips and walked the stairs that would lead him to your shared bedroom lazily.

You let out a nervous sigh as the sound of your bedroom door closing hit your ears, giving your brain the signal to start thinking about something that could have made your boyfriend happy for real.

A couple of hours passed since he went upstairs as it got really late and your eyes were getting heavy with sleep. The last thing you wanted was disturbing him but your body was really asking for some rest and you needed your soft bed to lie on.

The image of him dozing off, his quiet snores filling the room made you smile, sincerely happy to see him in a more serene state than the one he arrived home in.

You crawled on your side of the bed, wrapping your arms around his waist and hid your face in the crook of his neck, fully ready to close your eyes too now.

The one of you to usually play the big spoon would be Trent but that night you had to change your roles as he was really in need to be cuddled so you had to hand him over the little spoon title, for that night at least.

You soon joined him in the world of dreams, hoping he could have found some solace there.

When you opened your eyes in the middle of the night because your arms were starting to ache due to your position, you saw you weren’t the only one awake. The sight of him staring at the ceiling caught you and you didn’t know how to react: was it something you should have gotten worried about? Better to ignore it? Or run to him and tell him you would have gone on loving him no matter what?

“They hate me”

Well, the fact he spoke first made the start of your interaction easier.

“What?” You sat up as sleep was still deep in your body and and your mind, not fully realising what your boyfriend was saying.

“Fans, people that should be cheering on us when we’re playing”

Another sigh left your lips.

“Trent I-”

“I’m not at the height of the team I’m playing in”

You tried to suppress a yawn while trying to brush some sleep off your eyes to try to focus on what he was saying.

“Don’t be ridiculous”

“I’m serious, they keep criticising me every damn week and I’ve had enough. Do you read what they write about me?” He got seated too, as he did every time he got worked up over something.

“You shouldn’t read those comments, Trent”

“Yeah but when nearly everyone says something bad about you you start questioning yourself, I suppose”

“You really care that much about what a couple of frustrated supporters have to say about you? You’re better than that”

“I don’t know at this point”

You couldn’t accept seeing him in that state, it really broke your heart and if that would have made him feel better you would have gone and fought every single dickhead talking shit about him.

You took his face in your hands to look right into his beautiful, big brown chocolate eyes and lean your forehead against his, sighing.

“Don’t let those people make you doubt yourself, you’re capable of everything and I have faith in you”

Trent sweetly clenched his fingers around your wrist to take your palm away from his face to place a kiss on the back of it.

“I love you”

“I love you more. It breaks my heart seeing you like this. I know it’s been a hard loss but a bad game doesn’t mean a bad career”

“Yeah…”

“Give me one of those smiles I love”

Even if the room was dimly lit just by the bedside lamp on his side of the bed, you could clearly see the bright pink shade his cheeks took.

“I won’t go to sleep without a smile from you, I’m telling you”

A shy smile appeared on his lips as you giggled and brought your hand to the back of his neck to scratch it.

“Now we can go back to sleep”

“Can I be the little spoon?”

“Of course you can…but only for tonight!” You jokingly warned him as you laid back on your mattress as he scoffed, playfully tickling your sides.

After a moment of great sadness and despair it usually comes one filled with as much happiness as the suffering experienced before. The exact moment when it happened was the day Liverpool played against Manchester United on a chilly Sunday afternoon: the scousers beat the devils 7-0 and needless to say Trent was beaming. He took you in his arms as soon as he saw you while making his way in the tunnel. 

“See? What did I tell you?” You contentedly said in his ear.

“Thanks” He smiled, a heartfelt one this time, one that could have lit up the whole Anfield in case of a power outage.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here for you because I love you”

It was a vow, to take care of him and make him live the best life possible. A vow for life.

[vivianvixen]

Back in the days of yore, baby Vivian would ask her parents when Children's Day was, since we had Mother's Day and Father's Day. My parents would give me some platitude about how every day is children's day! But they could've also just said "20th of November," an answer I would probably have found more satisfactory.

Recently this one guy in an explicitly leftist space commented how the Y-chromosome clearly leads to brain damage or mental illness or something. If you've ever wondered whether internalized misandry is a thing, yeah turns out it is.

So let me talk to the boys, more specifically cishet boys: you're actually great. Well maybe not you personally, I don't know all of you and I bet some of you are real pieces of work, but, like, being a cishet dude? That's great, I love that you are that thing!

You being born a straight cis male added to the beautiful patchwork quilt that is humanity. You are not the default. You are a vibrant splash of color on the human canvas. Even vanilla is a flavor.

Maybe you've heard about how great you are in a very different tone, one that suggests you ought to be placed on a pedestal above others, and that doesn't sit right with you. Well it doesn't sit right with me, either! So take this from someone who probably agrees with you on a lot of things: you can still be proud of who and what you are, because truth be told you are not on a pedestal, you are more than likely down here in the mud with the rest of us. So let's get together and bake that mud into bricks, then build a big tower we can climb to fight God!

So next time some dudebro asks "oh but when's International Men's Day, huh?!?!?!" you can, instead of delivering whatever scathing remark you had in mind, hit them with "the 19th of November." Love yourself for what you are, because God (whom we are about to fight) knows I do.

[andmaybegayer]

After I deleted a bunch of projects (thankfully non-critical, though representing a great deal of work in total) during a recent fresh OS install, I realized that my backup practices are practically non-existent. Any tips or sources on getting started making, and eventually automating, effective backups?

I am stealing the concept here from jwz's backup guide, but I am recommending different tools, focusing on personal files only, and also addressing Windows. jwz's guide is a good reference:

Doing a way, way better job than most people of backing up one single system is very easy. Let us begin.

The most basic step of having decent backups is getting your hands on two external hard drives at least big enough to hold your entire system, and putting a label on them that says "BACKUP ONLY DO NOT USE FOR ANYTHING ELSE I AM BEING FOR REAL HERE"

Once you've got those, plug one into your system wherever it spends the most time. If you have a desktop then that's solved, if it's a laptop hopefully you already have a USB hub you plug it into when you sit down to work or whatever and you can just leave it there.

Now set up regular scheduled backups to that device. On Windows and Mac, there's a built in tool for backing up your system to an external drive. We'll assume that you just want to back up your user files on Windows and Linux, since doing full system backups isn't tricky but is kind of unnecessary.

(Ugh. Windows seems to be trying to phase out Windows Backup and Restore in favour of their File History thing. That's annoying, let me log in to windows and check how this actually works. Mac in the meantime)

Mac has Time Machine. Time Machine is extremely good, and you can tell Time Machine to save its backups to a disk. Point Time Machine at your external hard drive and tell it to schedule a backup however frequently you want. If anything goes wrong in the future, you can ask Time Machine to look at that backup disk and it'll show you a few versions of whatever you backed up there. I'm not a Mac user but I think you can even use Time Machine to transfer between an old computer and a new one.

Windows now has File History which I have never used in my life, they added it after I stopped using Windows. Same idea though, pick some folders and back them up to an external storage device. If anything goes wrong, use File History to go back through that device and find the version of the file you wanted. I don't know if there's still a way to access the older Backup and Restore system.

On Linux, my favoured way to manage simple desktop backups is Deja Dup, a GUI for Duplicity. Duplicity can do a lot more than just backup to a disk, but we'll start there. Install Deja Dup, open it up, and follow the prompts to back up your user files to the external drive. Deja Dup can also do backups to remote storage servers, Google Drive/Onedrive, and commercial storage providers like Amazon and Backblaze. It will even encrypt your backups if you are worried about Amazon spying on your files or whatever. If something goes wrong, point Deja Dup at your backup drive and it will offer you a suite of restore options covering a few versions.

Now, you have a permanently plugged in hard drive that will always get rolling backups you can restore from. These aren't safe from, say, ransomware, or your house burning down, but at least you won't lose anything when you update a computer or accidentally delete something and have an ohshit moment.

Now you take that other drive you bought, and do the same backup you're already doing to that. Now you go put it somewhere else where it's readily accessible and won't be accidentally used for anything, keep it at the office, give it to your dad, whatever. Set a reminder on your phone for once a month. Once a month, go get that drive, run another backup, and put it back. You now have better backups than many medium sized businesses.

This is impractical to scale beyond one PC, but if we're being honest even when I had like half a dozen laptops, only one contained much of value. Back up the system you care about.

Don't worry too much about making sure your backups are space efficient, like, yeah it would be a good idea to exclude game installs and stuff from your backups to save space but if that sounds daunting or time consuming literally do not do it. Decision paralysis is brain poison, just back it up and sort it out later. 2TB external hard drives are cheap.

FURTHER STEPS YOU CAN TAKE:

Easy Cloud backup: Backblaze personal backup on Windows and Mac is $6/month and pretty easy to use. If you are struggling to keep track of a monthly remote backup, or you want an easy remote backup. Backblaze is a reasonably reliable company and one of the Go To Companies in the world of data reliability. Yes, it's a cloud subscription. If you don't want that don't use it.

Network backup: If you have access to a storage server, that can be a good way to make a remote backup without having to shuttle disks around. That could be a physical server if you maintain some kind of lab, or it could be a cloud storage provider like Backblaze B2 or Onedrive or whatever. Deja Dup specifically supports backing up to a lot of different network storage providers, and even if you only have a fifty or sixty gigabytes of network storage on hand, your most essential personal files can probably fit in there.

Drive failures: Eventually one of your drives will fail, either your storage drive or your backup drive. If the storage drive fails, well, that's what the backup is for, go get a replacement and restore from the backup. If your backup drive fails, well, that's why you have two of them. As soon as humanly possible go get a replacement drive, and substitute it in for the dead one.

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 25/8

Aw, thank you! Sometimes I actually think I overdo it a little - that my dives are a little too deep. This is how I consume media IRL, though, so if nothing else, it's authentic.

The Battlefield is definitely growing. The spatial warping makes it hard to measure how much it's growing, so it could definitely be exponential, especially if we keep adding higher dimensions.

As for how Jack matches up against Bec - Jack is definitely smarter, but he's also a lot more vulnerable, since losing the Ring will render him powerless. He'd have to be incredibly careful in a fight, especially against someone just as fast as he is.

I still think Bec has the edge, but his victory is far from guaranteed. I totally understand why Jade wouldn't want to risk it.

Imagine what Eridan would have said to a 'lowly greenblood' like Jade.

Yeah, there's no way trolls have therapy.

I hate to say it, but the Alternian version of therapy is probably moirallegiance. You're supposed to rely on this one person to keep you emotionally stable - and if you're not outgoing or charismatic enough to find a moirail, you don't even have that.

Of course, this system has nothing in common with the relationship dynamics of any culture on Earth. We really dodged a bullet there!

Gamzee really leans into the 'court jester' aspect of being a bard. He doesn't take anything seriously, nor is he expected to do so - he's just off to the side, dancing.

Yeah, my prediction is that Vriska is going to use him.

If she can manipulate Tavros into trying to control Jack, she might actually be able to remove his Ring. I speculated that she might use some sort of cheat to gain an advantage in their fight, and I think we may have found it.

He casually controls Becsprite later on, so I don't think he needs their goals to align.

As for why Bec didn't try to save Jade - I think he knew instinctually that someone was going to make him save her, so he didn't need to do it manually. That's Alpha, baby!

I can't tell if I've reached the controversial part, to be honest. Was there discourse about whether Tavros had done anything wrong?

Personally, I think it's hard to argue that he didn't, but other characters have done much worse - and in much more ambiguous scenarios, too.

Lord English is coming, send help plz

Thank you! It's kind of funny actually - I know that Homestuck's irregular update schedule used to drive people mad, but I'm reading it at a similar pace, with similar irregularities, and it really has been a chill experience on my end.

Maybe it's because I'm not participating in the fandom the way live readers were, and therefore, I'm not subject to the weapons-grade hiatus brain that Cat has war stories about.

Poor Kanaya - she really knows how to pick 'em. Rose is definitely less stressful to crush on than Vriska, though.

I recently saw this quote for the first time in a while. Excited to learn which of the comic's several thousand plot points it's referencing.

@spyril4132 asked: i have seen this in my youtube recommendations and must now share [s] descend but with silvagunner's high quality nuclear rip - YouTube

Legitimately amazing, and perfectly timed.

For anyone doesn't know about Silvagunner, please take a dip down this rabbit hole.

I do wonder how she's getting physical details about the Sun. Isn't it, like, fully outside of conventional reality?

Maybe the Sun is physically real, despite being in an unreal location. Technically, that's also the case with sessions.

I do like the 'music player' metaphor from an earlier ask. You don't necessarily have to use discs - a cassette player is also a good choice, or maybe an older variety of music box.

If you want to stretch the symbolism a little, your Time Player could wield something really kooky, like an iPod Nano, MIDI keyboard, or analog radio.

(Sally the Time Player would wield Rhythm Heaven for the Nintendo DS.)

It's been years since I've watched Primer, actually. I remember enjoying it, but I don't recall enough to give a proper review. Rewatch time!

Yeah, the rules for Captcha codes are all over the place. This example implies that they hold the general idea of an object, without any 'corruption' - but when John's Ghost Dad poster was defaced, its code did change.

The implication, I guess, is that defacing a poster counts as changing its nature, but spilling oil on a pogo ride does not. It's weird.

It is odd that it's marketed as a beta. Sburb and Sgrub seem almost identical, the latter's bifurcated session notwithstanding.

The human session failed, yes - but it failed due to manipulation, sabotage, and a generous helping of terrible luck. If Gamzee prototyped one of his clown posters, Jack's regicide could just as easily have happened in Sgrub.

All that said - when it comes to software development, I'd trust Sollux over Grandpa any day. If one of those games is more stable, it's Sgrub.

Alright, that one's actually pretty great lmao

[j0kers-light]

His Lighthouse: Mind Games (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Mind Games

series summary:  

Y/n is an aspiring writer living in Gotham City and struggling to find her next muse. Her recent novel is getting all the buzz, earning her far more attention than she signed up for. But when a chance encounter results in her nursing The Joker back to health, will she find the time to write another best seller or will her own story become front page of the Gotham Gazette?

chapter summary:

The mind is a dangerous weapon, you should know this firsthand. Surely this all can't be real? But if so.. then who's lying? And who's telling the truth?

author's note:

Its been far too long loves! I'm back with a new update and boy is this one a doozy! Forget everything you thought happened last chapter and just read from the top! Things will slowly start to make sense or trick you. I hope you enjoy either way! I had a song selected for this chapter but in the end, it didn't fit the overall mood. Maybe next time.

taglist:

@blackreaderatrisk @twinkledinkle @clemdango04 @l3ejm @tears-of-amber @what-an-angel @darthjokerisyourfather @thatsnoteii @dollster  @cheetahspy @kaidennnnn @urdariingdoll @motivation-idontknowher @ins0mniac-whack

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Last Chapter | Next Chapter

When did your mind start playing tricks on you? Did you hallucinate the entire conversation or just bits and pieces? When did it all go horribly wrong?

Your head was pounding and you didn't remember a thing after Bruce stepped closer to you.

When your back hit the balcony railing, it set off a trigger that made you instantly disassociate. You didn't hear Bruce's smooth voice after that as it was replaced with another from your past— one that you tried so hard to forget. It was sickly sweet and made you feel dirty inside and out.

Words and phrases were twisted around until you didn't know what to believe anymore. The background changed from your rooftop balcony to that damp and dark alleyway and that's when you knew nothing beyond this point was real.

Deep down you knew Bruce would never be this cruel but you couldn't be too sure. He was a gentleman... this wasn't real, but your mind made it seem very realistic.

Your memories from that night were back and you couldn't bear to relive it again.

'It's not real.' You repeated over and over as your mind spiraled out of control.

Bruce noticed you were shivering and covered your shoulders with a heavy blanket. He sighed when you tensed up and wrapped the fabric around yourself like a shield. You were so jumpy lately, it really had him concerned.

He didn't understand why you were so distant towards him. Bruce could be the bigger person here and ask why despite the awkward tension festering between the two of you.

"How do I say this? You've been distant lately. Especially to me." He said. He wasn't expecting your timid voice to respond so quickly.

"Uh.. yeah? I hope so since I broke things off with you and if you haven't noticed over dinner— I've moved on. You're the one that keeps being nice and trying to get along with my parents.."

Bruce strained to hear what else you said under your breath but he caught your eyes blinking a mile a minute. That was unusual.

"Y/n, are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah." You said without missing a beat.

He frowned and stepped closer, causing you to back away and hit the balcony railing with your hip. You slurred more of your words together.

"Are you sure? You look unwell, Y/n. Perhaps we should get you inside."

You were mumbling under your breath but Bruce couldn't hear a word. He knew something was wrong when you held your head and started hyperventilating. Then it hit him. You were having a panic attack.

His Batman instincts immediately kicked in.

"Breathe in and out, Y/n. Whatever it is, it's not real. Can you hear me? Y/n?" You avoided his touch but Bruce was persistent in trying to calm you down.

"Whatever is hurting you Y/n, please let me inand—"

Bruce never heard a scream as blood curdling as yours.

It's like he said the magic words and triggered old memories, for you immediately began fighting his hold, kicking and screaming with all your might. Bruce was a strong individual, with or without the bat suit, but he struggled trying to keep you still. You were too close to the balcony ledge for his liking so he corralled you back towards the apartment to keep you safe.

Everyone in the penthouse heard your horrified scream and woke up out of their slumber to investigate.

Your mom and dad were unfortunately veterans to this and knew exactly what was going on so they rushed straight to the scene.

Barbara, Morgana, and Dick however stumbled out of their rooms and followed the commotion out onto the balcony, not truly understanding what was going on in.

They all arrived to witness you screaming at the top of your lungs and clawing at Bruce's arms like a feral cat. He was trying to calm you down but the scene looked rather odd without any context.

Your parents would walk in while the two of you were in a suggestive position.

Bruce did a double take at the shocked audience and shouted, "Don't just stand there, help me!" You resorted to biting him and he almost lost his grip on you again if not for his leg pinning you down.

Your mother panicked seeing you in a fit of hysterics and she couldn't blame you. You were being manhandled during such a delicate situation.

"Let go of her!" She rushed to Bruce's side and snatched you out of his hold.

The second you felt a female presence, you stopped fighting back but continued to cry uncontrollably.

Your father slid to your side but kept his distance as to not set you off again. He felt useless not being able to help in your time of need yet your mother quickly stepped up to the plate in his stead.

"It's okay sweetheart. It's over, it's over. He's gone. You're safe now. It's all over." Your mother shushed in your ear. She rocked you like a baby as you choked back tears.

"P-Please stop! It hurts!" You wailed. Your mother blinked back her own tears while rubbing your back in big comforting circles. Your father met her gaze as they held a private conversation.

It's happening again.

"It's not real, Y/n. You're safe now." Mom glanced at Bruce's bloody arms and winced. "Babe, can you go find the first aid kit for Bruce?" She whispered to your dad so you wouldn't hear.

Everyone's eyes focused on the angry red claw marks your nails left on Bruce. Just what happened here? Your father grimaced at the bite mark but stood up to make himself useful.

You pleaded again, trapped in a distant memory and Morgana choked back a sob hearing her friend in so much pain.

It was too much to witness and she turned away to cry. Dick stood off to the side, oddly quiet, but concerned for his sister. Everyone was.

Barbara couldn't stand the silence and cried out, "What happened Bruce?"

Multiple curious eyes watched the billionaire rub the back of his head. Your father came back with the first aid kit and started accessing the damage you left. "She's still a fighter (mother's name). I bet these hurt like a mf, lemme see." 

Bruce had suffered worse injuries but your nails were rather sharp so he let your father dab alcohol on each scratch to flush out the blood. Bruce had yet to answer the question on everyone's mind.

Your mother looked Bruce dead in the eye and arched an eyebrow. He thought he was gonna get the scolding of a lifetime at the intense e/c staring him down.

He started from the top and explained.

"I genuinely do not know. It's chilly out so I came to offer Y/n a blanket. I tried striking up a conversation about what happened over dinner but she started blinking excessively and clutching her head as if she had a headache. Her back hit the railing and I think she began to have a panic attack. When I tried to calm her down, she became combative."

You whimpered in your mother's arms as you finally fell asleep. She sighed in relief and swapped places with your dad.

She knew he felt useless and he gladly held you close now that you were unconscious and unaware of a male's touch. Your mom waved Bruce over and set about applying Neosporin to his scratches.

They were rather deep but they would heal in a few days time. He declined bandaids and she snapped the first aid kit closed and spoke.

"Don't blame yourself for this. Y/n had a very stressful day and her mind isn't functioning properly because of it."

"That doesn't explain what happened? Is Y/n okay?!" Morgana returned to the conversation with tear tracks still visible on her face.

She never seen you so distraught before. It was like a completely different person possessed your body just then. What kind of friend was she to not notice how much pain you were hiding? She wasn't any better than Florence.

Barbara was thinking the exact same thing. You needed solid friends right now and she was the worst one imaginable.

Your mother took a look around and sighed at the somber air on the balcony. She was emotionally drained after consoling you and it appeared that everyone else was drained as well.

"I think it's time to address the elephant in the room." She sighed. Your father shared a look with his wife. "You think Y/n will like that?"

Mom rolled her neck and snapped.

"D__n it, (father's name)! These are her friends! This episode clearly shows she's been suffering alone! They can help if they know what's going on! She can't keep bottling this up forever; it's killing her. Do you like seeing her like this? Reliving that night every time she's touched the wrong way or backed into a corner?"

Your father bit out his reply. "Of course I don't! But when Y/n wakes up and sees everyone eyeing her in pity, she'll recluse herself again. It's why she moved in the first place. Not everybody heals the way y'all doctors assume people should!"

Dick sighed and stepped in between the feuding couple. This could go on all night if someone didn't stop them.

They both eyed Dick, wondering what the charismatic boy was fixing to say.

"Unofficial, but official, adopted parents please. Go get Y/n situated then meet us back in the living room." Dick didn't wait for them to respond, he just asked Morgana and Bruce to follow him inside as he helped Barbara's wheelchair get over the balcony's sliding door hump.

Your parents didn't dispute his request. They got you settled in bed before coming back out into the living room with no further arguments.

Your friends were gathered around your living room in various stages of alertness. Dick handed out drinks to go with the sweets Barbara baked earlier.

After being woken up so abruptly, sugar was vital to stay awake.

Exhaustion was all around but this was an important meeting that was about to transpire. Not a second could be missed.

Your dad sat down with a sigh and pulled your mother into his lap.

They finally looked their age as they gathered their thoughts to begin. The air in the room was heavy for the next hour and a half as they explained everything to your closest friends.

What they had to say was absolutely horrifying.

"You sure you'll be alright dear?" Your mother asked.

She stood in the foyer as Dick and her husband loaded the car downstairs with leftovers early Friday morning.

The morning came with hushed trepidation but the crew was forced to eat breakfast without you.

You had slept on through the night without any other episodes and your mother didn't anticipate for you to wake up until late this afternoon.

Her and your father had to head back to Blüdhaven and Dick offered to drive them so they didn't have to catch a train. Bruce had to head into the office for board meetings and after apologizing to your parents, (your mother assured the billionaire that this wasn't his fault) he left with the promise that he would check on you later today.

Barbara wanted to stick around but she had to return to work herself which left Morgana volunteering to stay at your penthouse to take care of you.

The perks of being your own boss, she joked. 'You make your own hours.'

Morgana smiled at your mother and nodded.

"Yes ma'am, I'll be alright. Dick showed me around so I got a feel of the place. Leftovers are in the fridge so if she wakes up, I'll make sure she eats and provide her lots of emotional support. You told me what to do if she... that happens again." Morgana scratched her cheek, still processing all that was discussed last night. Or rather this morning.

Bruce, Barbara, Dick, and Morgana saw you in a new light after your parents revealed your dark past and they each swore not to cast a shred of pity on you.

You needed them more than you let on.

Barbara and Morgana were beside themselves hearing about your past and they felt awful for almost ruining a friendship over a silly rumor Florence hatched up. That was the least of their concerns right now. Getting you back in high spirits was the only priority.

Morgana called her employees and asked them to deliver a crate of assorted flowers to your apartment building.

You loved her creations so she would surprise you with a giant bouquet for your apartment. It was a tiny gesture in the grand scheme of things but Morgana was willing to do anything to make you happy after last night.

Flowers could liven up the place and ward off bad spirits. She made a mental note to water your sunroom plants while she was here.

"Well dear, you have my number if you need me." Your mother hugged Morgana right as Dick came through the door saying they were ready to go. "You take good care of my baby! We'll be back in a few more weeks." She said.

"Call me if you have a question, Morgana!" Dick offered to the florist.

Morgana waved them both off and closed the door after more pleasantries were exchanged.

Your parents were super cool. Morgana was lucky to have met them even despite the terrible circumstances. She sighed to herself and thought aloud. "What a day.. and it just started."

She had the place to herself until you woke up so she went about accessing the state of your household plants.

They looked a little worse for wear and could stand a special treatment.

The day trickled on and Morgana spent the majority of it working on the lush floral display her employees dropped off at your place. She twisted exotic and local flowers into a gorgeous statement piece but something was missing.

Morgana was wracking her head around exactly what when she swore she heard your bedroom door close.

"Y/n?"

She looked towards the hallway but didn't see anything. A glance at the clock set the day around one in the afternoon.

Your mother was right about you sleeping in. It meant this happened numerous times in the past for her to have a predetermined schedule.

Morgana shivered. How long have you suffered like this?

She saw a blanket-clad figure float down the hallway and set a pink rose down to follow you.

"Y/n are you..." You slammed the door shut right in her face.

Morgana stuttered in shock but pushed it back open only to watch you crawl under the covers. This was so unlike you. "Y/n are you hungry?" She asked hesitantly.

You shifted under the covers away from Morgana's gentle voice.

Your mom warned her that you'd be antisocial for the next twenty-four hours but urged the florist to get some food and water in you. You lost a lot of fluids from crying last night and needed to replenish yourself or risk getting sick.

Morgana sighed at your lack of response but left to fix you a simple plate of food to eat with some water. You were still a hermit when she returned to the bedroom. You were gonna make this babysitting thing difficult.

Morgana sat the glass of water down on the nightstand should you wake up thirsty.

"I left some water and a plate of food if you feel up to it, Y/n." She said.

You remained buried under covers with no plans of returning to the real world. Dick had invaded Joker's room and erased the comforting scent of lighter fluid and cinnamon from the bed sheets.

With the sea of uncertainty floating within your head, you needed something familiar to ground you to the present. You craved Joker and his unique scent but he was nowhere to be found.

You whimpered dejectedly and Morgana's heart went out to you.

She wanted to offer you some emotional support but decided to leave you be. No words of encouragement could help the pain you were in.

She checked on you one last time before leaving your room. Her mind was focused on you and not her surroundings. She received the jump scare of a lifetime when she turned the corner.

"Holy s__t!" Morgana yelped.

Joker pursed his lips and watched your friend try to scramble away. Morgana knocked a figurine on the hallway table over but remained on her feet for the most part. The bauble smashed onto the floor in several pieces and Joker hummed offhandedly at its demise.

"I uh li-ked that one. So! I'm guessing you're the... florist friend."

He blocked her escape and tilted his head in a show of intimidation. It worked like a charm. Morgana's brown eyes were wide like saucers.

"Y/n likes your work. The uhh.. arrangements.. from Arrange Me NoT.. ya see. I wasn't ex-pect-ting visitors so uh sorry bout this..." Joker went to grab Morgana but she shoved the decorative table in his direction and bolted down the hallway.

Joker sighed and gave her a head's start before he easily caught up to her in the living room.

He yanked her back by her hair and Morgana, ever mindful of you trying to sleep, stifled her scream with her palm.

Her back collided with the wall as Joker held a knife up to her throat. It was natural that she panicked but she did so for an entirely different reason.

"You can't kill me, it'll tear Y/n apart!" Morgana looked Joker dead in the eye and pleaded her case. He rolled his eyes and nudged her jugular with his knife.

"S-She's hurting! She's hurting and we didn't know!! If you kill me it'll only make things worse on her! Please, I want to take care of my friend, I won't tell a-anyone! I-I-I promise!" Morgana started to sob but Joker could care less.

He furrowed his brows and gripped his knife tighter, "Whaddya mean.. 'Y/n is hurting?"

Morgana scanned Joker's face. His makeup was more terrifying in person than on tv.

The clown looked serious but she didn't know the guy well enough to know for sure so she asked aloud. "Y-You don't know?"

J rolled his eyes again and smacked his lips. "I wouldn't asK if I diD, now would I? Who. HurT. Her?" Morgana flinched every time he stressed a syllable.

Now, Morgana was a sensible woman. She was book and street smart and used them well in life.

Even with her back literally against the wall, she wouldn't show fear; it wasn't in her free spirited nature. She faced fear with a straight face and dealt with the consequences later, however; this man was worse than fear.

The Joker was unpredictable and unnaturally calm with everything he did. He held her at knifepoint with a lazy grin as if it didn't matter if she answered or not.

She would die regardless.

Her life didn't matter to him so she had to think smart to stay alive. She resorted to her business savvy skills.

Morgana had information that Joker didn't know about and that put a value on her life. It would buy her some time to escape at least.

She nodded to herself and began to work.

"Will you let me go? I-I'll tell you anything, just.. not while being held at knifepoint." Morgana glanced at the weapon resting precariously on her jugular. Any more pressure and the edge would puncture the skin.

Joker narrowed his eyes but guided Morgana over to the kitchen island by her arm after thinking things over. He wanted to hear what she had to say.

He pushed her towards a barstool and leaned down right in her face.

He hoped his fear tactics weren't rusty from misuse yet Morgana looked ready to pass out. His presence alone had her on edge.

"Start. Talking." Joker ordered.

Morgana nodded and closed her eyes. He wasn't giving her any time to react to any of this. She was face to face with the infamous Joker inside her friend's apartment. It was a lot to digest. Just what business did he have with you?

But suddenly, everything made sense.

The reason why you became so secretive out of the blue. Why you denied having relations with Bruce Wayne, how you survived the attack at The Prosperity, and why you wanted privacy at your apartment, now more so than ever. She thought back to when this all started; right after Joker escaped from Arkham Asylum.

You were keeping Joker a secret this entire time right under everyone's nose.

Morgana had to give you props; you did an amazing job but she still had to ask.

"Before I start, I have to know. Are you just using her or are you and Y/n like.. together together?" She made a lewd gesture with her hands. Joker wasn't amused. He clicked his blade back out with a sigh.

"I won'T ask again. Talk or the uhh knife? This one! It comes back." He shook it playfully and its sharp edge gleamed in the kitchen's overhead lights.

Joker wouldn't hesitate plunging the knife into her neck. The clean up would be a pain but nothing he couldn't handle. If she didn't want to willingly talk then things could shift to a more tortuous method of communication.

It was all up to Morgana to decide. Comply or be difficult. He let her mull it over.

Watching Joker's fiddle with his knife was enough to get her talking. This madman would not hesitate in killing her and she knew it. She'd tell him anything as long as that knife kept a safe distance from her. "I'll talk."

Morgana sighed in relief when Joker backed off.

"Okay, wow um, you might wanna sit down for this. It's.. a lot to take in. Ugh, where do I start?"

Joker watched Morgana stall and decided to help her along. He sighed and pulled up a seat in front of her.

"Let's start... righhhht after Florence left yesterday." Joker fixed his suit collar before crossing his ankles. Morgana was in disbelief by his extensive knowledge of the situation.

"How do you...?" Joker sent her a glare.

"You're right, I don't wanna know. Okay, so apparently Florence knows about you and Y/n. F__k, I do too! This is crazy. You and Y/n.. are dating. Anyways, Flo stormed out of the apartment with Neo hot on her heels. It was crazy with everyone talking over themselves and Y/n fainted but thankfully Bruce caught her. We were so worried about her but when she came to, she was still hung up on Florence. Then Y/n and Dick were yelling at each other until her mom broke them up."

Morgana ran a hand through her silk press. This was a lot harder to explain than she thought.

She quite honestly didn't know if The Joker wanted a short summary or a detailed explanation but she continued nonetheless. She chose to info dump to save her own hide.

"We all went into the kitchen– Y/n's parents, Barbs and I, while Y/n, Dick, and Bruce were still arguing in the dining room. Y/n walked past all angry at something Grayson said and slammed her bedroom door close but her mom left us in the kitchen to bring Y/n a plate of dessert. I guess they patched things up. They were up in her room for the—"

Joker had to interrupt. "Y/n let someone into her room?"

Morgana slowly nodded. He had been quiet as she rambled, she wasn't expecting him to interrupt to clarify such a useless detail.

"Yeah, it was her mom so guess it was okay? Well, now that I think about it, Y/n didn't appreciate them 'invading her safe space.' Her words not mine. It was around that time we all decided on staying over for a sleepover and Y/n made sure we were all situated before going to bed. I swear everything was fine when we went to sleep but we woke up to Y/n screaming her head off."

Morgana began to tear up. Joker felt indifferent to the sight since it wasn't your tears. Seeing Morgana's just annoyed him.

She took a deep breath and Joker knew she was getting to the important part.

"When we got to the balcony, Y/n was fighting with Bruce and crying her heart out. She was reliving everything that happened that night and... h-hey woah!! Where are you going?!"

Morgana panicked when Joker shifted to get up from his chair. She blocked his path and he eyed her in disgust.

"Move." Joker could not stand Wayne and his obvious lovesick attraction to you.

You had relations with Bruce that Joker didn't know about and it irked him to have competition for your love.

It was already bad enough that Wayne was at your apartment, that he spent the night, and then had the audacity to put his hands on you. But he messed up by making you cry. The man was begging for death at this point.

Joker would enjoy murdering Gotham City's most upstanding citizen. He already had a thousand ways to do it brewing inside his head. However, Morgana was in his way.

She hesitantly pushed him back and apologized when Joker gave her a harsh glare. Note to self: do not touch the psychotic clown, she thought.

She tried to calm down his murderous campaign by telling the truth.

"It wasn't Bruce! He was only trying to help!" Joker rolled his eyes (what help has Wayne ever been) but she put her foot down and continued.

"IF YOU STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS AND LET ME FINISH, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND!" She slapped her hands over her mouth and looked up at Joker.

She did not just yell at this man. Morgana did some questionable things in her life but that had to be the most reckless of them all. She glanced towards the bedroom and hoped that she wasn't too loud.

Joker was seriously considering snapping her neck for raising her voice at him.

His patience was thin today and this girl was testing it to the limits. Although he was curious as to why she stifled her voice.

He followed her gaze and eyed her quizzically. Morgana answered his unspoken question.

She dropped her hand, "Y/n is sleeping. It took forever to calm her down last night." 

Joker closed his eyes and sighed. He was so busy handling the Florence situation with Neo last night, he didn't stop and check on you. And that proved to be a big mistake.

Once again, when you needed Joker the most, he was nowhere to be found. His sweet Bunny was terrified last night and had to rely on Wayne of all people for comfort. Joker had failed you yet again. It left a sour taste in his mouth.

He assumed guilt and vowed to atone for his failure in blood.

"Uhhh what, errrr rather who made her cry? Who I'm killing?" Joker asked out of the blue.

He sat back down on the barstool and Morgana eyed him briefly as she thought over her answer. If she told the truth, then he would go out and start a murdering spree.

"No one I think? Like I said, Y/n was in total hysterics last night. Her parents knew exactly what to do to calm her down from her episode. She... she had a panic attack about the night she was—" Morgana stopped and looked away.

The most important part and she couldn't say it aloud. She fought back tears and faced Joker.

He needed to know but the words were caught in her throat.

Joker wasn't a fool. Something was hurting his Bunny that he didn't know about. Correction; He knew something from your past still haunted you for a while now.

There were signs that he picked up during his brief time with you.

You were a recluse despite being so young and you avoided all types of human interaction outside of your close circle of friends. He also noted you did not have any male friends, except for the Grayson boy.

You visibly became uncomfortable around the opposite sex. Him included at times.

Joker knew about your claustrophobia and anxiety in tight spaces. He noticed you would eye him warily when the two of you would take the elevator, or that you preferred open floor plans, and most of all– he remembered the conversation the two of you shared after he rescued you from Two Face's warehouse.

Joker couldn't ignore the fact that another man was on top of you earlier. "Did he.. uh you know.." Joker brushed your thigh in passing.

"No and could you just drop it? I-I don't want to be a victim again."

And Joker would be a fool not to remember the comment you made as he prepared to take you for the first time that same night.

"Um.. almost two years. B-Before I moved to Gotham. It's one of the reasons why I moved." You met Joker's knowing gaze and weakly smiled. "It's in the past. I'm okay. Really. You can touch me.. I ahh I like it when you do."

Two years. You didn't want to be a victim again. You moved to a different city to get away from the trauma someone inflicted on you.

You liked Joker's touch but it took him forever to acclimate you to it without flinching.

You still did every now and then but he paid it no mind since you would relax after a second or two. Joker noticed every little thing about his Light but he dismissed all the warnings signs.

The truth was right there. He was just too selfish to address them.

All the times he was too rough in bed or grabbed you unexpectedly, came crashing down on him. What if he pressured you into something you didn't want? What if he triggered old wounds and made things worse?

His Light, his ray of hope in this bleak existence of his, deserved to be happy and loved.

Without your smiling face by his side, Joker would be a ruthless madman again; only wishing for the world to burn with no true endgame in sight.

He spent too much time bathed in your light to return to his pointless crusade. What a lonely life he lived before you came and gave it purpose.

Joker didn't know what to do with the fact that his Light was miserable inside.

Morgana watched him slip down a mental rabbit hole. He looked lost in thought as a weight settled over his brow.

She wondered what you saw in the man but the longer she stared, she could see some of the appeal. He was hot if she squinted. Joker obviously cared a great deal about you and his eyes were a complex shade of green that Morgana had never seen before.

You had a thing for eyes.. but the fact you made someone like The Joker have feelings for another human being was an achievement in itself.

Morgana hated to interrupt his thoughts but she finally found the courage to continue. She cleared her throat to continue but Joker cut her off.

"Don'T say it. I know. I've.... known for a while now." He swept his arm across the kitchen counter and sent items crashing to the floor.

Morgana jumped at the unexpected action and watched Joker stand up and begin pacing the room, mumbling to himself.

He was about to start breaking more things when Morgana stole his attention.

"Now you see why I asked you earlier?" Joker shot her a glare. She swiftly changed her tone. "Are you just using Y/n... or are you going to be there for her? Y/n needs us, all of us, and if you're just using her, I'm sorry but I can't allow that!"

Joker laughed, "What are ya gonna do, hmm? Stop me? Now.. that? That is funny. But don't worry– I'm not using Y/n.. I lov—"

Joker stopped himself mid sentence and Morgana caught onto what he almost said. Her jaw dropped in disbelief.

You could hear the fridge humming in the background, it was so quiet in the kitchen.

"O-Oh. Well, um that wasn't on my monthly bingo card but alrighty now." Morgana fell back onto the barstool.

This was awkward. She stole a glance at the criminal frozen in place as he registered what he just confessed to.

He finally almost said it aloud. He'd been struggling for days to tell you in person but managed to say it to your friend, no sweat. She had to die now. No one could know he had feelings.

Joker turned his head like an owl and Morgana instantly picked up on his murderous intent.

She moved so there was an island counter in between Joker and her. She valued her life, thank you very much.

"Hey now! No need to get all murder stabby stabby on me! T-That's amazing! H-have you told Y/n yet?"

Joker curled his lip. "No. Where is she?" He glanced down the hall and was about to storm off when Morgana flailed her arms.

"Wait! Don't wake her up!!" Her shout worked in getting Joker's attention but now she had to do damage control. Joker did not like her ordering him around. Morgana could work on establishing an acquaintance later, your health was more important.

"You can't just drop an L bomb after everything that's happened, are you crazy?! Now is not the time and news flash! She doesn't need— Uh excuse you?! Hey, are you listening to me?"

Morgana dashed down the hallway to catch up to Joker. She slipped past him and blocked the door frame with her body. "Listen to what I'm saying!"

Joker eyed her like a pest. Did she seriously think she could stop him?

"Y/n can't stand men right now. She drew blood trying to get away from Bruce and she couldn't tolerate her own father's presence. You don't know what her ex did to her. You don't want to see her like this." 

Joker stared at Morgana as her warning sank in.

If he had any clue what your sorry excuse for an ex did, then you needed someone to comfort you more than ever. Isolation was the last thing you needed right now.

As someone who frequently battled voices inside of his head, silence was the enemy and made matters worse. Joker knew that for a fact that you don't handle separation well, so why did Morgana think leaving you to your thoughts was a good idea?

It was a recipe for disaster.

He understood why you're terrified of men but you never feared him before. Why start now?

Joker smacked his lips and shoved Morgana aside. She yelped as he opened the bedroom door and glanced around.

Same original hardwood floors, same vegan cowhide rug.

The leather couch with two accent chairs, one slate grey, the other sage green, were still over in the corner by the electric fireplace and the view of Grant Park from outside was half obscured by the curtains. A single beam of sunlight was the only source of light within the room.

Everything was the same yet vastly off due to the fact that your aura wasn't thriving in the room.

It felt cold and bereft of life.

Joker was eyeing the open closet door when he saw something shift on the bed.

There was a sizable lump in the middle but he recognized the shape from anywhere. You were buried underneath the covers and doing your best impression of a blanket burrito. He could tell that you were awake.

You were timid but curious of the presence that entered the room. Subtle movements revealed you were tracking his every footfall.

Joker exhaled before walking over to stand beside the bed. He rather rip the band-aid off than freak you out by stalling.

Morgana picked herself up from off the floor and entered the room, only for Joker's eyes to force her back out.

She understood the message within the greenish hue.

"I was neva here." She said as she walked backwards out the door. It clicked shut behind her.

With her gone, Joker could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

He wasn't out of the woods just yet since Morgana would surely stay inside the apartment, (little did he know, she was cupping her ear to the door, trying to eavesdrop) but he could be more forward with his actions. It was a relief that your rooms were soundproof; Joker had a lot on his mind.

"I know you're awake."

The pile of covers flinched and shrunk in on itself. Joker shrugged off his coat and tossed it onto the leather couch. It landed heavily with a distinct metal clank.

"You probably need, uhh, space but I can't leave ya alone. NoT now. I'm here. If you need me." Joker sank a knee onto the bed and crept forward until he bumped against you. He heard the sharp inhale you made upon contact and wisely backed off.

You were a gentle soul both inside and out. You didn't deserve to be frightened of something as simple as human touch. He wanted nothing more than to spoil you with affection, however Joker would be patient and regain your trust again. You were worth the wait.

Just like the bunny he named you after, he would wait until you came crawling out of your hiding hole, curious to explore.

And just like he expected, you slowly poked your head from out of the covers before looking around the room. He stayed out of your eyesight so he wouldn't startle you, but somehow, you knew he was there.

It wasn't that dark in the room but he was hesitant to turn on a light until you asked him to.

"W-Who's t-there?" You turned your head and locked eyes with pools of jade.

Joker didn't move a muscle as you lookedbut didn't fully see him. He noticed you shaking. You probably saw someone else with your unstable mind.

"Y/n, it's me." J waved at you but you shrunk back further into the covers.

He had to think fast and jog your memory. He was the one that gave you a slew of nicknames but you didn't have one for him. He was just J.

Not very helpful in this current predicament.

Joker still had his makeup on and it would remain until Morgana left the penthouse for good. It eliminated him from showing you the constellation of freckles you loved so much on his face. That for sure would restart your memory.

What was something the two of you shared that could help familiarize Joker to you?

He had yet to give you anything of sentimental value so he striked that off the list. He was shifting his weight on the bed when you tensed.

Your nose flexed just like a bunny, he thought it was cute.

"I should ahhh–"

You cut Joker off. "Lighter fluid and something.. metallic. It.. it smells like that when I'm safe with.. J? Where, w-where were you? Why didn't you stop him..?"

There were many things in this life that Joker overcame. He been in the world's most toughest jails, endured inhumane torture methods, and fought against the greatest superheroes and lived to tell the tale. Yet despite all of those feats, he was brought to his knees at the sight of your tears time and time again.

They were daggers straight to his heart. He couldn't bear seeing his Light in so much pain but despite the agony, he couldn't look away.

You clung tighter to the comforter around you.

"I-I don't know what's r-real anymore! I can hear him telling me it's okay but it's your hands hurting me. You wouldn't do that! Your hands are warm w-with callouses on the palms and index fingers. I begged you to stop! Why won't you s-stop?! Please.. just.. Why weren't you there when I needed you?"

Joker hated to admit it, but Morgana was right. He didn't need to see you like this.

He was living in a nightmare seeing his precious bunny struggling to see the truth. Your mind was all mixed up, fighting both the past and the present.

He had to do something although he didn't know what.

"I.. I wasn't here last night, but uhh, I'm here now. C'mon, Y/n, tell me what ya need me to do."

Joker would give you the world on a silver platter if you asked for it, but he felt utterly useless watching you spiral into madness. His heart stopped beating after he heard your watery plea.

"It hurts, please stop." You weren't thinking clearly and he began to worry when you started to breathe erratically.

He couldn't sit around and watch you suffer. Joker threw all caution to the wind and pulled you in for a hug, covers and all.

At first you resisted– Joker thought he messed up big time– but you sagged further in his arms and buried your face into his chest.

You grabbed fists full of J's suit and inhaled.

The unique cocktail that only Joker possessed, helped you recognize who held you tightly. You sobbed knowing that your Dark Prince was finally here. You thought Joker abandoned you.

"I don't want him to come back, please don't go!" You looked up at Joker.

Your big e/c were frantically staring into his. He sighed and tucked a wayward curl back into place under your bonnet– for once, you didn't flinch, rather you leaned into his touch. Your cheek felt so cold against his hand.

Something in J gave way to the moment.

"If you'll, uh let meee, I'll never let you go. Is that okay?" Joker asked. You looked away and he quickly added. "I won't do anything else, doll. I just wanna be.. here for ya. Let me ahh hold you so... he.. doesn't hurt ya. I won't leave you."

You bit your lip. Joker's arms were soothing for now but you were wary of them.

He could turn violent at a moment's notice. "You promise you won't hurt me?"

You gasped when Joker rested his forehead against yours. It didn't matter that his white paint transferred onto your skin. You weren't expecting such a sweet gesture from him.

It pained him to hear your plea. He feared you were broken beyond repair. But Joker could fix you; he could fix anything if given enough time. 

"I'd let Bats drag me back to Arkham Asylum before I'd lay a finger on ya. Never again." He kept eye contact with you as he grabbed your hand. You surprised yourself by letting him do it.

Baby steps, Joker thought to himself. His eyes squeezed shut as he kissed the fading scar that he made on your palm.

You saw the anguish take hold of his features. Since when was Joker so open to show his emotions?

Joker dropped his usual dialect and talked to you straight. You knew he was serious when his voice also dropped an octave.

Gone was the clown that Gotham City feared, this was just J, a man secretly in love, speaking to you in the hushed air of your room.

"You're my Light. My everything." He used your fingers in his grasp to wipe your tears away.

More rushed to the surface hearing his sincere words but he diligently kept wiping. "These tears I swear, they'll be the death of me. I know it's scary and you have every right to fear me, but if you don't remember anything else– know this Y/n." He waited until you looked at him.

A kaleidoscope of green greeted you and you swore you would never be the same.

"I will never hurt you again. I promise."

Joker whispered your name when you lost concentration and he patiently waited until you looked into his eyes again.

They pleaded with you to understand the unspoken truths his heart was too weak to voice.

Screw what Morgana said about bad timing. He wanted you to know. He had to tell you the truth. Joker cupped your face, "Y/n, I lo—"

You wanted to hear what Joker had to say but your eyes grew heavy all of a sudden. The last thing you ate was that plate of sugar Mom brought you last night. Your body burned through it and demanded more fuel to keep you functioning.

You were dehydrated and your mind and body were running on fumes. You couldn't keep up, so you crashed.

Joker panicked when your body swayed slightly before you fell back. You were unconscious by the time he could react.

He cursed at his failed attempt but recovered quickly to dote on you. Declarations of love would have to wait. His Light was running the risk of being sick.

Joker laid you down and tucked you into bed properly before heading over to the door. Much to his surprise Morgana was there, doing a terrible job of hiding that she was eavesdropping.

She pretended to straighten the abstract artwork hanging outside the guest bedroom as Joker walked by.

She glanced inside and saw you sleeping but knew something happened behind closed doors.

Instead of being a blanket burrito, you were tucked in bed like Sleeping Beauty with the pillows and covers around you almost picturesque.

Joker had a soft side after all. She just witnessed it firsthand. 

Maybe she should tell him everything your parents disclosed last night after all. By the time she caught up to Joker in the living room, he was mid-call.

He saw her approaching and held up a finger.

Morgana dealt with many rude people in her line of work but Joker was probably the rudest of them all.

"... Mmhm, make sure she's discreet this time. One of Y/n's friends is still here. Yeah.. about that.." Joker locked eyes with Morgana. "She's alive. For now."

She froze on the spot. What did for now mean? Was there some kind of 'how to stay alive' program she needed to know about? He had some nerve and this was the man who claimed to love you.

How comforting.

Morgana bounced on the balls of her feet hoping to be acknowledged soon.

Joker discussed some more minor details with one of his henchmen before hanging up. His eyes then flickered over to the vibrant bouquet of flowers Morgana was working on.

She thought he would destroy her hard work but he leaned over to sniff the delicate flora instead.

"For Y/n?" He scanned the work for any imperfections; there weren't any.

He wanted nothing but the best for his bunny. He stared at Morgana, arching an eyebrow when she didn't respond.

"Y–Yeah." Morgana said, "I'm not finished yet! It's gonna be double in size with more Queen Anne lace and roses to r-round it all out. Y/n loves roses and the Eucalyptus will be good for her exhaustion. Its scent is known for its aromatherapy powers plus its good for rejuvenating the spirit and overall elevating one's mood."

Joker nodded and backed off. It was nice to know one of your friends was looking out for you in your time of need.

He was wary of keeping Morgana alive but she was proving to be 'good people' as you had a habit of saying. A far cry from Florence.

Joker grumbled to himself just thinking about the Haitian.

Morgana jumped hearing a rare chuckle from the dark clown. "She'll like them. Now! Let's dis-cuss you. Sit."

Joker clapped his hands and pointed to the blue couch in your living room. He didn't wait for Morgana to act, he was already walking towards the kitchen to grab a water.

He noticed the leftovers in your fridge as he rummaged around for a drink. You probably needed to eat but he'd wait for the doc to look you over and decide what's best.

He snagged two water bottles and headed back to the living room but arrived to witness Morgana swirling a tumbler glass in her hands.

She took a big swig from it as he sat down opposite of her in an accent chair.

She wiped her mouth and tried to explain, "Don't judge me. I need hard liquor after all of this. Want one? I'm great at mixing drinks." She shimmied her shoulders but Joker wasn't amused.

He heard stories from Y/n about Morgana. Her and Florence were the heavy drinkers of the group.

"Y/n doesn't keep alcohol in her apartment." He noted.

Morgana laughed once and polished off her drink. She set it on the coffee table that separated them both. She noticed the clown was right at home in your place but had yet to find her and Flo's numerous stashes of liquor.

"What Y/n doesn't know won't kill her." She failed to dodge the water bottle Joker threw at her face. "OW! What was that for?!"

He sipped on the water while rolling his eyes. Morgana rubbed at her cheek and waited for the clown to finish. He drank the entire bottle in one pull before recapping the top and setting it down.

"Y/n likes to recycle. Ya know-  saving the.. turtles, uhh, one plastic at a time. That's my Light. Always caring for others; failing to take care of herself."

"Isn't she caring for you until you no longer need her?" She interrupted.

Joker licked his scars. Have patience. No need to take your frustrations out on others, he heard your voice recite in his head. He took a deep breath before smiling at Morgana.

"I'm noT leaving Y/n so that means I have to, uhh, geT along with the people in her life. So! This can be a lit-le experiment of sorts between usss. Let's see how long you can keep your mouth shut and I'll.... see how long I can tolerate you without murdering ya! Deal?"

Morgana was at a loss for words. What kind of agreement was that?

"I need another drink." She sighed. Joker's laugh was far more creepier in person than on tv.

The sound of the doorbell startled Morgana out of her task. She set the spray bottle down and jogged over to the front door to answer it.

She was pleasantly surprised when a beautiful woman was standing outside, chewing on bubble gum with an attitude.

"Can I help you?" Morgana asked.

The female looked up from her phone and glanced down the short hallway, at the elevator, and then back at Morgana.

"Tis boy better not have given me da wrong address. Hold on." She dialed a number and brought it to her ear.

Morgana was left awkwardly holding the door when the mysterious woman began arguing with whoever she called.

The commotion gained Joker's attention all the way in the living room. He recognized the woman at the door instantly. She did the same the moment she spotted Joker.

"Well well! If it isn't my sorry excuse for a patient! I see you're not restin' your leg like I told ya." She sighed.

Joker smiled and leaned on the door frame. "Be glad I didn't kill you after my checK up, doc." He fired back.

Morgana glanced back and forth between the two. "Uhh do you two know each other or something?"

The woman looked Morgana dead in the eye. "I don't know who this man is. I mean, he could be walking down the street, I wouldn't. Sorry to this man."

Joker laughed and she joined along but swatted his hands away when he tried to grab her neck.

The pair walked inside, leaving Morgana utterly confused in the foyer. She watched them talk amongst themselves like two old friends and caught up to them mid sentence.

"..and her hands are sooooo cold, doc. She's been crying her little heart out and passed out in my arms. Whatever can ya do?" Joker pouted as he held the bedroom door open for his esteemed guest.

She walked in and looked around. Leave it for Joker to find some chick with money. She sat her bag down on a nearby table and dug through it for some gloves. 

"Sounds like dehydration. When's the last time she ate?"

Morgana walked in and answered for Joker, "Last night around eight ish? It was a plate of dessert but she ate dinner too. Hi, I'm her friend and you are?"

"Name's Sarai. I'm this idiot's on-call doc." Sarai dabbed Morgana up before facing her employer. "Now, where's my patient?"

Joker was too busy stewing in jealousy. He liked secret handshakes too. What gives?

"You don't do that with me doc. I thought we were errr close."

She eyed him like a fed up mother would her child. "You ain't black, Joker. Now move." She pushed him aside and approached the bed, but stopped as if she saw a ghost.

She treated hundreds of patients a day but she never forgot a face. "I remember her."

Sarai picked up your hands and sure enough, the jagged cut that she treated almost a month ago was still there. Your hands were cold to the touch just like Joker said and also a bit clammy.

"Did you do this?" She pointed at your palms. Joker sat down by your side and had the decency to look ashamed. He sighed before nodding.

Both Sarai and Morgana stared at him in disbelief. He looked so remorseful.

Joker was such a man child at times. One would have thought Sarai scolded him with the way he was acting. She flicked her braids over her shoulder with a huff.

Today they were blonde butterfly locs reaching down to her waist. When she shook her head, they moved with her. Joker eyed them curiously. How did she work in the hospital with such long braids?

"I knew I shoulda filed a police report. Her shoddy story bout mistakin' the pepper grinder for a knife was too sketchy."

She donned her pink gloves before she gently opened your mouth. "Ah, as I thought. She's dehydrated. You want an IV in her?"

Morgana stood on the other side of the bed to watch this interaction up close. There was actually a person not afraid of The Joker!

This supposed doctor was talking to him any kind of way and he paid her no mind. She would demand something out of her bag and he would grab it, no questions asked.

But he pushed Morgana to the ground and threw water bottles at her when she raised her voice at him. This man was truly unpredictable.

Morgana let her intrusive thoughts get the better of her. "So you're a real doctor and you willingly work for him?"

She slapped a hand over her mouth after she spoke but it was too late. Sarai was inserting an IV into your arm but chuckled at the insult. She admired her handiwork before replying.

"Dr. Sarai Obukofe, chief trauma surgeon at Gotham General. Joker's house calls pays more tho. Don't give me dat look. I'm from Blüdhaven, his crimes ain't nothin' n' Jokester here won't hurt friends of da family. Won't ya now?" She nudged his leg with her own.

Joker hummed. It was neither affirmative or negative.

Morgana slowly nodded. She picked up the thick Blüdhaven accent at the door but she was still confused.

"Friends of the family?" She questioned.

Sarai rigged the IV bag to your bedpost. It would have to do since she didn't pack an IV pole. Not like she could.

This was an off the books house call after all. She received a text from her cousin saying to come to an address with her crash kit– strictly on the low.

Sarai automatically knew it was for Joker. She couldn't refuse the job even if today was her rare day off.

She blew a bubble and popped it sharply before eyeing Joker. "How deep is she?" She jerked her head at Morgana.

Joker didn't look away from you to answer. "Accident. I'm con-sider-ing offing her later."

Sarai grimaced and cast sympathetic eyes on Morgana. "Ouch, so an outsider then."

She checked you over when you began to shiver. "Frost mentioned on the phone that she had a 'traumatic experience.' Care ta explain that?"

Morgana had enough. She cut through the air with her hand in a fit of rage.

"No, no! Go back! I thought we had a deal, Joker! We shared a drink together, you said you'd keep me alive if I helped you with this 'get along with others' experiment of yours. Now you're thinking about killing me again? Make up your mind!"

Joker was about to when you whimpered and stole everyone's attention. They were being too loud.

"You're disturbing my patient. Either lower ya voice or move dis conversation elsewhere." Sarai hissed at Morgana.

The florist was trying to keep her cool. These two strangers just barged into your place as if they owned it and had the audacity to boss her around!

She couldn't even defend herself! Morgana wished she'd let Dick stay behind instead. He probably would've handled this situation a bit better than her. Sure he would've fought with Joker and possibly died in the process, but he wouldn't have sided with the madman to stay alive. GCPD would have the place surrounded with Batman en route by now.

She had half a mind to sneak away and call the authorities but one look at you had her second guessing that decision.

The last thing you needed was more stress and strangers surrounding you and your space. You required peace and quiet to heal.

But this clown was on thin f__king ice with her.

It was a lot to handle on a Friday afternoon and Morgana wasn't about to let Joker or this doctor mess with her energy. She took a relaxing breath and found her center.

"I will not let your indecisiveness get the better of me. However if we're to get along– whatever the hell that means, you gotta stop threatening to kill me." Morgana said.

Joker looked at Sarai as if she had the answers.

The doctor was putting away her tools and had no parts in this. She'd stick around until Joker called her back to remove the IV. Other than that, her job was done.

That is until you groaned and blinked your eyes open.

Everyone held their breath in anticipation. You squinted your eyes a few times until you felt a tightness on your forearm.

Much to your horror there was a hospital IV inserted in your vein. You began to claw at it when Joker reached out and stopped you.

"Hey. Hey.. leave thaT alone, baby doll." Your eyes darted up to him.

It took you longer than he liked to recognize him again, but you were slowly coming back to yourself.

"J.. it's cold." Your fingernail picked at the tape Sarai attached to keep the needle in place.

You hated doctors and you hated medical treatment. It reminded you too much of that night and the following weeks thereafter. You didn't want to think about it again, and Joker was right there to distract you from it all.

His hand rested atop yours and squeezed. He felt like a furnace. He sighed, "I knooow but, it's gonna make ya feel better. You uhh want me to hold you? Promise I'm warm, hmm?"

His thumb rubbed circles on your darker skin as you thought over his offer. You relented with a weak nod.

Joker stood up to climb into the bed with you but looked up at something within the room.

"Close the door on your way out. Now."

You wondered who he was talking to and followed his gaze. You and Morgana locked eyes. She was calm, way too calm to be in Joker's presence and the crazy part– he allowed her to be.

Your eyes went back and forth between her and Joker as the wheels in your brain spun out of control. Surely this was a dream.

There was no way Joker would let another one of your friends in on his secret. Then you spotted a third individual standing off to the side. She looked familiar but you couldn't place her at present.

Your mind was too busy grasping at the reality of Joker and Morgana being in the same room without the latter being murdered.

That dream you had of a little boy by the river whispered in your mind.

'She knows and now she has to die.'

He wasn't talking about Florence. He was referring to Morgana.

You shot forward and grabbed a hold Joker's suit vest in a surprisingly strong grip. He looked down at you in intrigue as you started spouting nonsense.

"Not her! Please don't kill her Joker! She's my friend. Y-You promised me!" You were leaving wrinkles in Joker's shirt as Morgana rounded the bed to enter your line of vision.

"Y/n! Calm down, I'm right here! I'm okay!" She stole your attention but it came with a price. You let go of Joker to whirl on Morgana. It was her turn to hiss at your vice-like grip.

"You can't be here! You have to leave Gana. You didn't see nothing! Deny everything! Please.. I-I can't lose you too. I can't lose another friend.. Please."

You sobbed into her arms and she glared at Joker who was still standing off to the side, speechless.

He was coping with the fact you begged him not to kill someone and that he felt obligated to obey.

He wasn't going to let Morgana leave the apartment building alive but the moment you begged him, Joker's hands were tied. He promised he'd never hurt you. That meant physically, mentally, and emotionally. You stopped The Joker with three simple words.

You promised me.

He stood frozen, awaiting your next orders for he truly did not know what to do after discovering the power you held over him.

Morgana managed to get you to lie back on the bed as your burst of adrenaline died out. You felt sluggish all of a sudden.

Sarai stood watch as the pain meds she added to your IV line started to kick in. You fought against the fog and looked over at Joker.

His eyes instantly found yours and thus the staring match began. Your drugged induced gaze had a clear warning in them and you made sure to declare it vocally.

"You hurt my friends.. and I'll never.. forgive you." You fell back asleep and the room breathed a sigh of relief.

Joker feared nothing in this life but your warning hit him like a ton of bricks. He hoped you would forget all of this when you woke up.

If not, then he was in deep trouble.

[brisquad-unit-4402]

hello i’ve got some thoughts and updates for this blog.

i’ve been on a bit of burnout for a while, including life outside of writing. naturally the termination has sped up that burnout. i’m exhausted and struggling to be graceful about it, but that’s to be expected. i’m not one to sit on my feelings even though i’ve lacked the energy to write. which really bites because that’s my number-one passion really.

however i’ve taken some time to relax by diverting my attention away from social media and niji streams. i’ve relearned an old hobby and splurged a little too much on a new one, and i kind of can’t believe how much i missed drawing on real paper with a real pen and pencil. and thank god the love and deepspace sponsorship wrapped up before the termination, because that game has me in not just a chokehold but like one of those umbilical cords from astral projection. the silver cord? that

i’ve been watching other vtubers lately as well. i’ve always considered adding holostars en to my list but hesitated because everything else on my blog was niji-related.

consider this confirmation that i will be adding holostars’ tempus hq, vanguard and armis, and first stage productions’ avallum to my list of characters i will write for. i admit i’m not as familiar with armis, but i’ll be paying closer attention in the near future as i branch out from strictly watching niji only.

(might also be adding idol corp’s e-sekai? maybe? i watch them once every few months and i haven’t seen pochi or yuko stream since they debuted 💀 no clue on their gen 2 either)

i’ll be overhauling my masterpost for organization soon. so apologies for the horrors about to come… to be clear i will not delete any of my writing so don’t worry!

i’m unsure how much niji i’ll write in the future. give me some time to think as the situation hopefully cools down. i appreciate your patience.

and who knows maybe i’ll write for non-vtuber fandoms too

i think it’s about time i clean my inbox out soon too. i‘ll answer what asks i can and delete the remaining ones. i’ve had a few requests sitting in my inbox for nearly a year now and i’ve recently realized how stressed i was over them and learned about some boundaries i didn’t know i had beforehand, among other things, so so it’s about time i face them head-on. i apologize if i never got to your request! please don’t take it personally if i don’t answer your request. but above all else thank you for being patient, understanding, and kind enough to send in a request. even though i tend to bite off more than i can chew i always get so happy whenever i see a notif in my inbox and i appreciate your time for a little unit 4402.

even though i’m not watching niji streams atm i’m hesitant to stop writing for them because, like, i keep thinking of this clip of doppio saying he feels like he’s allowed to buy healthy/organic food because of fan support and donations, and among other reasons... it’s very easy to make conclusions on people you only know through a screen and i just can’t bring myself to cut them out so abruptly, even if i’m a fan creator on a site none of them use.

idk when i’ll post next and it feels nice to say that. i usually try to post once every 2 weeks, but considering how i’m trying not to think about niji right now and am instead embracing other parts of my life, i dunno. it’s nice. this blog is a major source of joy for me and it feels like i’m preserving what makes it so special for me instead of turning it into a chore. hopefully with time and rest i’ll have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

that’s pretty much everything on my mind, i think? thank you for bearing with me and my yapping. i hope to return soon and that the next time you see me, my blog will be cleaner, more expansive, and with a fresh mindset. take care of yourselves and don’t get immersed in toxicity. don’t forget to do what you love 💛

[amerricanartwork]

Y’know, I have a funny story with the ship between Innocence and Pebbles.

@eggobuggo , my sister, was playing The Sims and made the iterators in her own humanised forms, including her version of Innocence and Wind, along with Moon, Pebbles, NSH and Suns, all with their own personalities and stuff. She set up a generic apartment, put the gang in, and just had fun making them do silly shenanigans together, while I sit and watched her play.

In particular, we headcanon NSH, Pebbles and Innocence as Gen 3s, the newer modes, and so she made them into teenagers, which, with a DLC, have a whole new host of features that are not in the base game. This includes getting crushes (which weirdly enough, young adults and adults cannot get).

But anyway, one day, later into the game (the gang basically all were in the high end of the friendship scale with each other), the notif board popped up that Innocence had gotten a crush on Pebbles. Unfortunately for her, NSH and Pebs were already being all flirty with each other (Ragequit is where it’s at for us), making Pebble basically keep her in the friendzone. Ngl, my heart went out to her :,) Especially so, because they were all sharing a room. (space was tight)

After that, I began thinking about it in context of it in-universe, and ngl, I came to quite liking it as a ship, especially since I see Innocence to be less… asshole-ish (?), I guess, than what the general fandom makes her out to be (I mean it’s understandable, we only see her to leak the pic of Pebbles condition and that’s it.). To me and Eggo, she’s much nicer unless you really piss her off, which then, her more cynical and gossipy side of her comes out. She was actually more of on the friends side with Pebble before the shit went down.

At the time, I thought “dang, it’s a shame I won’t be seeing anything of it since she’s so obscure.”. This was a couple months before I began seeing art of them on the main tag.

Soooo… I guess I’m somewhat of an og Milkshake (as is the fandom name) shipper???

Just, seeing you and others make art about them is almost surreal in a way, since the only reason I really considered them as a ship was cuz of a random event in a life sim game lol.

Also @eggobuggo, I hope you don’t mind me sharing the story. :)

Wow, that seems like quite the story! And I do agree, after witnessing something like that in a totally different game it must be pretty surreal to see the ship gaining popularity in the actual RW fandom now too! It's nice to get another seal of approval from an original Milkshake shipper!

For me, it's also a bit strange because it's something I've considered for a really long time as a lingering "oh, wouldn't it be cool if I could make this work?" idea. The obscurity and lack of content for UI to draw inspiration from, both canon and fanon, definitely added to these feelings and the difficulty of imagining a working portrayal of the ship, hence I've only recently felt confident enough about the relationship and UI as a character to act on it. So after Pura coined the ship name and made a lot more art of it, then other artists started expressing approval and even drawing it themselves, it almost feels like I'm watching the ship enter the mainstream (Tumblr) fandom consciousness in real time, which is honestly pretty cool, especially since it feels like I had a hand in it with that initial ask! And even if I wasn't the very first to consider it, I'll definitely continue supporting this ship!

For some other thoughts though, I totally agree on Innocence not being mean in reality, though for me she's not mean or gossipy at all and more so has a kind-of opposite major flaw that tends to cause bad things unintentionally. As much as I can understand interpreting the character as a genuinely mean person, I thought it'd be interesting to imagine that her leaking the rot simply caused others to perceive her as mean, not that she's that way in reality. After all, I don't think we ever see direct dialogue from Innocence in canon, and the only evidence I can find of her being mean is Wind's speculation on her motivations. I also took inspiration from @shkika's Innocence, but I just wanted to see if I could take those ideas further to create my own unique interpretation.

Also, it's actually pretty coincidental you're telling me this too, because in regards to what I've come up for my Milkshake portrayal, Innocence having an unrequited crush on Pebbles for a really long time is actually really important for both plot and character arc reasons! I've been developing my own take on the classic worm-off-the-string iterator AU idea with @hail-strom for like the past week or so and the ship as of now plays a decent role in that, but the unrequited crush acts as subtle, yet major context for Innocence's actions throughout, which in turn slowly influence Pebbles especially as he starts to reciprocate those feelings (much to his alarm)!

Anyway, thanks for sharing that with me, and thanks for giving me a chance to ramble about this ship more! I'm honestly so happy to see it growing, and all support counts!

[suzyq31]

A note to fellow Harmony readers/writers

Hello everyone,

I feel the need to say something about recent events. A post on the Harmony subreddit has given a platform for people to air their grievances about a particular story. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this happen and have been on the receiving end. And it really sucked. I’ve let myself believe that is part of being in this fandom, having your work ripped apart publicly and regularly.

I would like to ask the moderators of these spaces to please consider changing their stance on this. Adding in a rule that prevents posts like the one mentioned, among others. Again, this really isn’t meant to cast blame on any particular person. There was a comment about how writers need to stop acting like their god's gift to writing or the fandom, and to simply get over negative criticism. I want to clarify I don’t think that I’m special, or that my voice matters because I happen to write fanfic.

I’m no god, but I am a human. One who is dealing with their own pain as best they can. There are real problems that are much larger than fandom. Which makes it all the more difficult when I do choose to escape the horrors, only to find more negativity. I don’t expect the internet to always be a ‘safe space', but I do think fandom spaces can be more focused on positivity.

All of this has made me reevaluate my own role within fandom. I’m giving myself time and grace to make a final decision on how I want to move forward. In the meantime I would encourage anyone who cares about the fandom community to please reach out to the team at HMS Harmony (with kindness, they are also humans with feelings and lives.) If you feel inclined you could ask them to consider adding some caveats on how fics are discussed on public spaces such as Reddit and discord.

On another note, I myself haven’t always been as kind as I would have liked. If I’ve ever said something that’s upset anyone, I’m sorry. I regret some of the ways I’ve shown up in fandom over the years. I’m personally working on my own anger that I wrestle with, in real life and on the internet. Overall I would love to see if we could all think more carefully in how we discuss things, especially people’s creative work.

If you are a reader, there are so many positive ways you can contribute. The number one way is to reach out to those authors whose work you adore, especially those who don’t receive many comments. Tell them what you love about how they write Harry and Hermione, let them know their work matters to you. I promise it will make their day and encourage them to keep going. When you participate in fandom, focus on discussing the stories that make you go hell yes! Make fandom friends, who you can privately talk more in depth about works or what doesn’t work for you in a fanfic. Discord can feel private! But when you have over 5k members it isn’t and discussions that veer into complaining about an author’s choices it can start to come across as a pile up. I know hearing about how my own stories are discussed has left me discouraged.

To quote Albus Dumbledore-"Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” There is collective power in how we engage. I’ve personally adored this pairing since I was a young child. To this day I still remember some of the storylines that I would play over and over in my head. I took solace in the magical world when I was bullied and I spent my lunch hours hiding in the library with my copy of PoA. As an adult I’ve turned to writing fanfic while trying to manage grief and the overwhelm of figuring out this next stage of my life. What has stayed consistent is my love of these characters.

It took me 22 years to start writing down my ideas, and I’ve found a lot of joy in doing so. I know many other writers have to. There really is nothing like getting a story out of your head and onto the page, even better? Getting to share it with others who love those characters too. We should think of ourselves as lucky that there are so many different stories out there to choose from. And that so many people choose to share their creativity with the world. I truly think we have more in common than we may realize, readers/writers/moderators etc.

I’ll leave you with this poem, because I find poetry always expresses things better than I can.

All the best,

Suzy.