#@calamity-bean

[moocowofdoom]

[sokkas-first-fangirl]

Me, playing Age of Calamity: “This is a fun game, I’m happy to play as the Champions and to see more of them. Fairly straightforward but of course BOTW and TOTK are better, and-”

Age of Calamity: “You can now play as Hestu!”

Me: “Never mind, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.”

[mothers-and-fuckers-of-the-jury]

no bc if i was Zerxus and realized one of my closest friends had used my husband as a test subject and her defense was “i was perfect, he was fine until he wasn’t” i would have SNAPPED in that second. that is when Asmodeus would have gotten my ass on his side. i would have fucking tried to strangle Laerryn with my bare hands.

[master-kohga-dating-sim]

anyways I couldn't think of anything else to draw so I drew those stupid fucking (/aff) haunted bean plushies again

[prismaticpichu]

Shdhdhdhdhhd TYSM again to @teruartbox on Twitter for blessing me with another amazing artwoorkkk!!! Here we have another snapshot of Squeaky doing some stretches with the BEANS… with Seph lending his nice and snug shirts to everyone (for context I joked that if Zack was to wear Seph’s shirts the sleeves would just wobble like those horrifying balloons at car sales- yeahhhh it made sense in my mind). Anywho!!! Such a precious doodle and ty for sharing it with me! <3 😭

I am in awe that so many people seemed to like me plopping a yellow mouse baby besides these two!! xD The art honestly blows the stupid little fic out of the water!!

[katanamasako]

Calamity is enjoying the show.

her sister can really heat up the scenery when cranky.

are they smelting steel now? impressive.

Cronus is gonna be a dead man if he shoves her sister in the oven a second time

[autumnalfallingleaves]

When it comes to Andrias and Anne, I always felt like them boing foils was more interesting in terms of their families and the environments that shaped them vs them being part of a friendship trio where they were betrayed.

No, yeah, that makes sense. Anne is what you would possibly get if Andrias had a good home life and parents, and Andrias is possibly what you would get if Anne had a bad home life and parents. There's also that scene in Reunion and The Hardest Thing ("Something I should have done a long time ago... standing up to you!") that really nicely shows the two of them breaking away from the manipulation they were under for years. I'm sorry that I don't have too much more than that to add to this, but you have a really lovely point, there.

[mrwoodchucklover81]

LET'S GOO THEY'RE HERE!!

[montanabohemian]

Spotify Wrapped: 24 and 57?

no 24: "hurricane" by ms mr

no 57: "seda" by zuzuka poderosa

[most-mentally-unstable-crew]

Hi hello hi, welcome to the chaos crew

Im still not sure on where to start, but i am working on lore gifs that explain all the 15 characters, yes 15 because thats the max crew size in among us, and im a completionist so i made 15 ocs, and somehow im doing quite a good job of making them all interesting

How these wòrk is a big wall of text on the right, name and other small bits of info over the character, the character image wich glitches into other images for a total of 4 images wich allows you to fully understand their vibes, and finally under them we got the impostor meter, wich shows how corrupted they are by he impostor parasite, with the more unique impostors have funky colors on the meter

Anyways, here you go, my 5 first gifs

Hughes is one of the first among us ocs i made, and at first it was just, aha engineering! But then i added some spice and where here are

Veek is one of my favorites because well, because he is literally insane, and he is allowed to work as a guard for the chaos crew

Lotuz, aka unhinged fucker number 1, technically 2 but hughes may be an impostor but he is less murderous than lotuz soo yeah

The they, the plamt bean of silly murdr

Mr science man is done with everyones bullshit (and is also le gay)

[liesonthefloordramatically]

But haven't you heard? Hearts turn to dirt Along with the rest of your body It's all claimed by the earth

[moocowofdoom]

BEANS

[epherema]

The fact that xie lian hid hua cheng behind a legitimate curtain when jun wu was coming over to check on him is actually insane to me. Like that is the most cracky mr bean ass shit ever. I just imagined that 6 foot ass bitch hiding behind a damn curtain. THE ALL POWERFUL CALAMITY GHOST KING EVERYONE HIDING FROM WHITE NO FACE BEHIND A FUKCING CURTAIN

[mothers-and-fuckers-of-the-jury]

no bc if you have a husband and son i don’t care how much you love your best friend and her insane wizard dreams you DO NOT offer yourself up as a human test subject to be sent via untested magic to another plane of existence. like what the fucking hell man.

[sitp-recs]

Hi! :)

Could you please do a funny/witty/bantery rec list?

Looking more so for writing tone, but dialogue would ofc also be okay!

Thank you so much x

Hi there! I have a reclist for witty!Draco, but here are some witty fics I really love. They are such fun reads I remember exactly which scenes made me laugh out loud. In terms of writing tone, 4 authors whose sense of humor always hit the mark for me are astolat, shiftylinguini, blamebrampton and iota. Enjoy!

Tense by Faith Wood (E, 3k)

Harry and Draco have sex. Very, very slowly. Seriously, this is, like, 3K of penetration.

Never Gonna Give You Up by InnerLilith (E, 5k)

Five times Harry rickrolls Draco and one time Draco gets him back.

Game On by @pennygalleon (T, 5k)

Draco blows Harry a kiss and the press goes nuts. Harry suggests they use this to their advantage.

Matched Set by astolat (E, 6k)

“No one asked you to look, did they?” Draco said, eyes glittering and intent on Harry’s face—like he’d just wiped off the years and turned back in time to when their greatest ambition in life had been to knock the other off his broom in front of the school and grab the Snitch first, before they’d both gone to war and come back with scars.

Up The by @shiftylinguini (E, 7k)

“I feel I need to point out,” Draco kissed gently over Harry’s Adam’s apple, “that this is the most Gryffindor approach to conception that could possibly exist.”

draco malfoy's substitute murder service by @oknowkiss (E, 10k)

When Harry joins the Curse Breakers shortly after his twenty-fifth birthday, he’s surprised to find himself assigned to the Department of Creatures, Cryptids, and Associated Calamities.

The Loathly Worm by Selden (E, 12k)

When Draco Malfoy is forced to go undercover among the remaining Death Eaters in the aftermath of the war, the last person he expects to find there is Harry Potter.

Party of Two by fireflavored (E, 13k)

Drinking, sex, and a total misreading of the concept of fuck buddies.

keep it down, orphaned (E, 13k)

Malfoy’s an inconsiderately loud roommate and Harry’s over it.

An Act of Kindness for One Harry Potter by a Sympathetic Draco Malfoy by 0idontknow0 (E, 15k)

As Draco leaned on the wall to wait for them to get dressed, he could not help feeling like he had done a very kind thing by disrupting them. Someone should give Potter a better rogering than that sorry sod had. The man had saved the bloody world—okay, mostly Europe—the least someone could do was give him a proper shag.

Stupid Love by @the-sinking-ship (E, 17k)

Harry Potter, how does Draco Malfoy hate thee? Let me count the ways.

Heartlines by @sorrybutblog (T, 22k)

Just as Draco Malfoy's life seems to be getting back on track, the magic at Malfoy Manor is spinning out of control. Auror partners Harry Potter and Angelina Johnson are assigned to the case and quickly find that nothing about the situation is obvious. The flare ups are unpredictable at best, downright dangerous at worst, and why has a Hogwarts first year gone missing at the same time?

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (T, 31k)

When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon by @drarrytrash (E, 36k)

According to Harry’s personal narrative regarding the incident, he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy for purely self-destructive reasons, or out of convenience, or by some unlucky accident. Looking at him, sprawled in the moonlight, Harry is devastated to recall that he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy because he’s hot.

Bite Me, Hate Memes by pir8fancier (E, 44k)

Draco Malfoy is incensed to realize that someone is trying to usurp his position as the premier Harry Potter hater.

Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu (E, 75k)

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

The Liars Department by @dorthyanndrarry (T, 103k)

This is a story about Harry meeting up with Draco Malfoy four years after the war. And a story about Harry, well, not hating his job per say, but it's not like he has much to compare it to and it seemed fine. His whole life seemed fine. Then Malfoy came along with and his flashy suits and fast car making everything seem dull in comparison, and Harry... Harry couldn't just leave well enough alone.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Tenshi

Debut: WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$!

I know what you're thinking. It's been four grueling days since the last post about some kind of fictional cube. Don't worry! Cube delivery right here! Even the most humble of gray blocks is a beautiful and valuable thing. Far too valuable for some schmuck like ME to touch with my oily, mortal, mammal skin. Only the divine can be trusted with delivering this block!

This gray block is the ground for our feathered friend Pyoro! He needs to eat those Beans, and if he can't stand on a solid surface while doing so... well, I can't stand to imagine such a calamity! The beans are ruthless. Just a single gently drifting bean can obliterate a poor block, making a gap Pyoro cannot cross, restricting his movement! What Bad Beans!

But even among Bad Beans, there are some Blessed Beans! When this funny bird eats the right bean, something happens. The heavens are notified. God must intervene. Even if He may have been watching over the entire universe, He knows something dire has happened in one small area. He can't let the beans prevail. He must send His angels!

That's what Tenshi means! It means Angel. This is one of those funny situations where an entity's name is just a regular word in Japanese, but it has never technically been referred to in English, so we gotta just accept the Japanese name as official until further notice. They come bearing gray cubes from above for Pyoro to scuttle atop! Anything to let him eat some more beans! It's a very important matter!

In WarioWare Gold's remake of Pyoro, as well as Super Pyoro, the Blocks have received a makeover! Please let me know if you were a Gray Block Enthusiast who is miffed about them now being made of real dirt and grass and looking kinda Minecrafty! I feel neutral to good about the change, though. It's a handsome block. Maybe it can be argued that it lessens the strange ambiguity of Pyoro's whole situation for the blocks to be more "realistic". But if that is a concern to you, then maybe you should think about other things. Sorry. Look, Tenshi now has a halo in game! Yay.

Super Pyoro introduces a few new mechanics to the classic gameplay, including a new Hidden Bonus Area in space! Here, beans abound on conveyor belts, being put there by food service Tenshi wearing little uniforms! Retail workers are the real angels!

To get to this stage, you must allow a beanstalk to grow by letting a bean fall through a hole in the ground... will you sacrifice one of our beloved Blocks to let this happen? Is it worth it? Does the presence of unique Cloud Blocks in the bonus area make up for it? It is up to you! And up to Anubis when he inevitably weighs your heart someday! I hope you made the right decision!

Tenshi is a very Ko Takeuchi character design, by which I mean it is one of those very simple Little White Guys he is always drawing. All the time! Rhythm Heaven is full of them, not nearly limited to just the Chorus Kids, and WarioWare gets its fair share of them, too! What can I say! The man just loves to draw Little White Guys!