#[ i cannot believe how many asks i get like ??? HOW LUCKY AM I ]

[despairforme]

      Had a dream he was back together with Grimmjow.

[theoldsports]

married.

Coriolanus Snow x reader | 5.5k words

alcohol makes consent messy, substance abuse, manipulation, arranged marriage, public humiliation, two-way abusive relationship <3

Coriolanus may well replace Lupin as my favorite guy to write for. he’s fucked up. i can’t fix him, but i could certainly make him worse.

As quietly as possible, [Y/N] closed the door to Coriolanus’s lavish new apartment behind her. She didn’t particularly want him to know that she had left the apartment in the first place. There were always too many questions.

[Y/N] had recently moved in with Coriolanus since their engagement. Her parents had arranged their marriage with his grandmother, affectionately called the Grandma’am not long before she passed. Coriolanus was about the most desirable bachelor in the Capitol. Not only was he an excessively handsome twenty-three year old, but he was also growing increasingly wealthy and had recently received his first assignment as a Gamemaker working on creating a new arena structure for the Hunger Games. Everyone who was anyone in polite society knew of Coriolanus Snow.

And [Y/N] hated him with everything she had. She had to see his defiant smirk in school every day for years since they were twelve or so. She hid from him every chance she got at home. [Y/N] slept in another room away from him. The only advantage of their marriage were the politics and name recognition for the both of them.

“I didn’t realize you were going out.” Coriolanus said flatly, snapping [Y/N] from her thoughts. She hadn’t even realized he had been in the apartment’s common area. He was sitting calmly in an putrid-looking armchair, alarmingly still.

[Y/N] gasped and clutched her chest in surprise. “Is there a problem with my leaving?” She said quickly.

“No problem.”

[Y/N] looked at him curiously. “Okay.” She said and moved passed him to her bedroom.

After a moment of pause, Coriolanus appeared in her doorway. He leaned against her doorframe with a hand in his pocket. “Where were you, by the way?” He asked plainly.

“I don’t see how that’s your business.”

“It was beginning to get late. Our engagement party’s in two hours. I cannot very well attend an engagement event without my fiancée. So. Where were you?”

“Dry cleaner’s.”

Coriolanus let out a scoff. [Y/N] could see him get hot under the collar. “You expect me to believe you were—Where’s the laundry?” Coriolanus questioned.

[Y/N] reached into her coat pocket for the stub of her laundry receipt. “Dropping off, not picking up. You’re on Lucky Flickerman’s next week. Dropping off my dress ahead of time. Anything left you would like to accuse me of?” [Y/N] sighed, leaned against her desk chair.

“Do not speak to me like that,” Coriolanus begun, sighing. It was obvious that he felt undue humiliation from her response. “It’s childish and unbecoming.”

“So is your being a hypocrite.” [Y/N] snapped back instantly.

The pair fought daily. Never had Snow laid a hand on her, but it wouldn’t be surprising if he did one day. [Y/N] didn’t recall any particular fights he had been involved in at the Academy, but it doesn’t mean they didn’t happen.

“Stop acting like a child!” Coriolanus repeated. “Are we not allowed one remotely pleasant moment together? You know I don’t want this just as much as you, but here we are. Can’t we be civil?”

“I am capable of civility, yes. You, on the other hand…”

“You’re disgusting. You don’t know how to listen. It blows me away. I asked you a simple question that a married couple should ask the other when one is gone. Now you’re screaming at me like a little girl. Grow up.”

“Grow up? You wanna talk about childish; you’re selfish, demanding, and cold. I’m scared to death of you. You make me feel like a toy, not a person, Coriolanus. I was always pretty fucking certain children had toys, not grownups.”

“Good gracious… Fine! Be that way. Cause a fucking scene!” Coriolanus screamed. His temper flared. He got that look in his eye that only men can get when they lose something they wanted. “My coat and tie are black. I’m assuming you’re not intending to clash or something, so just letting you know. Y’know. Communication. The polite thing to do.” He reported and stormed out of her room to his own. Her door slammed so hard behind him that she feared in may splinter off its hinges. What must the neighbors think of them?

[Y/N] resisted the urge to shout for Coriolanus to drop dead.

She was left to ready herself alone. As she pulled out her dress (that wouldn’t look foul against Coriolanus’s coat and tie) from the closet, she caught a glimpse of the engagement ring on her finger. White gold with a moderately sized ruby set in the middle. She was told both the gold and the stone were real, but she had her doubts to some extent. She found it was difficult to believe anything Coriolanus said. The ring made it clear that Coriolanus didn’t truly know [Y/N] because she had always worn silver jewelry. She felt isolated from all her prior jewelry pieces as now, none of them matched.

Then, [Y/N] stepped into her dress. A flowing black ballgown with a full petticoat and a glittery exterior over the fine satin it was made from. She couldn’t quite complete the buttons running up the dress’s back. She sat down at a small vanity Coriolanus had purchased her to do her hair and makeup. She assumed he would be hard pressed by the fact she couldn’t button the back of her own ballgown; that she was incapable or needy.

After dragging kohl and shadows over her eyelids, among other things, she set out to find the correct pair of shoes to match the dress.

The problem with dressing to match Coriolanus is that he was excessively tall. This meant every dress had to be accompanied by the tallest heels one could find. [Y/N]’s ankles ached just thinking about a night in shoes like that again. With her makeup done and her dress unbuttoned down the back, [Y/N] set out to find the red heels Coriolanus had purchased for her. She sat unceremoniously on the floor with her large skirt fluffed out around her to dig in her closet for the shoes.

Coriolanus was fastening his white gold and ruby cufflinks that matched [Y/N]’s engagement ring when he knocked at her door.

“Yes, what?” She shouted from the floor.

Coriolanus pulled the door open without asking if she was decent. “I was going to ask if you were ready, but I can see that you aren’t.” He sighed. Coriolanus never apologized after a fight, instead he tried to placate in whatever way possible. He was incapable of an apology, [Y/N] thought. Whether it was buying her something, taking her out, helping her find something she had lost, that’s what he would do to ease his own guilt. If he could feel guilt.

[Y/N] sighed as well. She was unwilling to engage in verbal sparring with him now. She lowered her head in a visual show of defeat. “I can’t find my other shoe,” She said weakly. “The red ones you got me.”

“The red heels?” He asked quietly. Coriolanus perceived she was not much in the mood for his attitude, and felt his residual anger cool off several degrees.

[Y/N] nodded hopelessly. She didn’t want to go to the engagement party. She didn’t want to be marrying Coriolanus under terms such as these. [Y/N] felt like property and everything hurt.

“Let me look,” Coriolanus said. What he meant to say was ‘I’m sorry for everything,’ but what he said was: “I’ll help you look. Don’t wrinkle your dress, alright?”

[Y/N] stood up awkwardly, holding the falling bodice of her dress up. She felt uncomfortable being so vulnerable in front of him like this. “Sorry, I couldn’t button the back.” She said. With her free hand, she reached around the back of the dress in an attempt to close it.

“Don’t apologize. I’ll get it. Turn,” Coriolanus commanded plainly. [Y/N] did as he said. He notched the buttons down her back with ease. “You should’ve called for help. I didn’t realize you were struggling.” He said. He patted her shoulder to signify he was done with the back of her dress. Coriolanus moved in front of her closet and bent down to find the missing left red shoe.

It was silent for a moment. “Of course you weren’t aware I was struggling.”

Coriolanus offered no reply. He understood what she meant.

“Aha!” He said after a few moments, holding up a matching set of shoes. Coriolanus placed them on the floor in front of her so she could step into them. He offered [Y/N] a hand for stability as she did so.

“Thank you,” she said. “Hey, Coriolanus?”

“Hm?”

“Are you nervous?”

“No,” he replied, standing up from the carpeted floor. “Are you?” Coriolanus’s blue eyes were piercingly inquisitive. Eyes that didn’t want to know you, but to consume you.

“Yes.”

“Really? Why?” Coriolanus asked. It didn’t feel rude or hot-tempered. It was merely a plain question. It made [Y/N] feel safe to answer, even though she remained guarded.

“I’m presenting myself as the soon-to-be wife of the most important thirty-under-thirty in the Capitol in an arranged marriage. And you hate me. You have hated me since we were children. My life is over, Coriolanus. This is for you and for my family’s honor, evidently. What do I have left?”

“You think I hate you?” Coriolanus asked, bending his neck to look at [Y/N]. “I don’t hate you.” [Y/N] wasn’t sure how truthful the statement was.

“Well, at least, you don’t like me.”

Curiously, Coriolanus placed a hand on her neck and dragged his thumb across [Y/N]’s jawline. “That’s such shit, [Y/N]. I didn’t realize you thought that of me. That you… Felt that way at all,” he started carefully. “Rather, and this sounds silly, I enjoy arguing with you. I sort of thought you did as well. You’re ruthless, I admire that,” He smirked and paused for a breath. “I do like you. Believe it, or not. I’ll just have to figure out a way to show you better,” Coriolanus’ hand slid from [Y/N]’s throat, down her side and back to eventually rest at her waist. She blinked up at him, surprised at the luxury of such unexpected contact from him. “Your life is not over. You wanna work, work. You want to not work, stay home. Please, allow me to do what I can for you. I can open doors. Whatever you want, name it. Things, opportunity,” [Y/N] nodded at the word ‘opportunity.’ “You’re meant to be my wife and I’m… really, I’m one of the best resources there is around here. Let me use that advantage. Had I known sooner, I wouldn’t have wasted all that time and money buying you things you hate.” He attempted a casual joke, holding her too close to him.

They were closer physically than they had ever been. Due to their proximity, [Y/N] had to rest her hands on Coriolanus’ chest as she stared up at him. She didn’t know what to say, so she nodded and straightened the red rose at his lapel. “You just might get yourself that unified front with me if you bring home your work…”

“You’re interested in Gamemaking? Since when?”

[Y/N] rolled her eyes. “We’re going to be late. We can speak about this later.”

“By all means.” Coriolanus leaned down awkwardly and kissed her. Maybe it was out of duty, maybe out of desire. Neither of them knew. They had shared the occasional peck on the lips for social reasons before, but this felt a bit different. It was charged somehow. A promise.

When they separated, [Y/N] stared at Coriolanus. He was all eyes - blue, blue, blue. He blinked at her. She blinked back. “Come on, we’ll be late to our own party.”

—

The whole ride to the event venue, Coriolanus had kept his hand on [Y/N]’s thigh. This was an unusual gesture. Normally, he didn’t chance touching her, even by accident. It was an unspoken agreement to keep their distance.

“I’m gonna be sick.” [Y/N] groaned into her palm as she exited the vehicle, led by Coriolanus toward the door of the event hall. The building had been destroyed when they were children in the war and had been recently restored to its former glory.

“Same thing as earlier, or did you decide I’m the worst person on earth?”

“Same as before. Haven’t decided about the second thing. My parents are going to be here too. You remember them?”

“Yes. I’ve met them… Twice, I believe—”

“Tread carefully.” [Y/N] said, offering no additional support.

Coriolanus nodded in solemn understanding. His eyebrows knitted together, knowing one more nasty, exhausting troublespot would be in his way tonight. He hated social gatherings as much as [Y/N]. With all the gentleness he could muster, Coriolanus took her hand. “Heading inside… Unified front?”

“If I must.” [Y/N] said.

With that, the night took off. Bright flashing cameras reflected off the black and white marble of the building, and applause rang off the large, cavernous walls. Everyone was shaking their hands, greeting and congratulating them, and stopping them for overly pictures at every turn. For a moment, [Y/N] truly believed that everything in her life was perfect, because everyone around her seemed to assume that it was. It made the pill of her future easier to swallow.

Coriolanus led her around the room with ease. He introduced her to many individuals whose names she would not remember tomorrow. She was beginning to develop a stunning routine of artifice with him as Coriolanus puppeted her around the room. Each interaction functioned with a greeting from Coriolanus to the stranger, he would remove his arm from [Y/N]’s waist and drag it down her arm into her hand in order for her to showcase her striking gown. Then he would say “isn’t my fiancée beautiful?” or “isn’t she just divine?” or “what a lucky man am I?” [Y/N] would chuckle and compliment him back with “my Coriolanus, ever the charmer!” or “isn’t he just divine?” or “what a lucky woman am I?” accordingly. They would smile sickeningly and pretend they were in love, he would lean in and kiss [Y/N] on the cheek, and she laugh warmly at his ‘spontaneity’ and place a hand on his chest, or straighten his tie.

After that, they would move on to greet the next poor sucker and repeat the process.

Eventually, [Y/N] dragged Coriolanus off to the side so she could relax her artificial grin. “Sorry, I need a moment. My face hurts. And that last man and his wife, was that his wife? They stunk. They smelled so foul it is unreal.”

Coriolanus smirked. “Those were my next door neighbors growing up. Vile. They’re very heavy morphling users, if you couldn’t tell with the glazed over look and twitchy eyebrow.” Coriolanus mocked.

[Y/N] laughed, hard. “Oh, you’re terrible!” She jeered. “Damn, what I wouldn’t give for morphling tonight…”

“Don’t tell me you’re a junkie, now.” Coriolanus pressed.

“Junkie is such a strong word…”

“Well, since I can’t get you high out of your mind at the moment, best I can offer is posca. I can grab you a glass and you can hide from the onslaught for a moment.” Coriolanus offered.

“Please. A particularly stiff glass if you can swing it. Or whiskey!” [Y/N] said. She watched Coriolanus turn to leave for the bar. [Y/N] tucked herself in a corner behind a noble Corinthian column for a moment of peace. A few people came and went that she greeted with that 1000-watt fake smile of hers, but she was mostly left unbothered. [Y/N] caught sight of a clock and realized Coriolanus had been gone for several minutes longer than he should have. She excused herself from talking to some old woman that claimed to be some distant great aunt or something of Coriolanus’ and set off to locate him and her posca.

Cutting through the crowd, [Y/N] spotted tall Coriolanus over most everyone’s heads, holding two glasses of posca, and speaking to her parents.

Fuck.

Her parents.

[Y/N] rushed sharply towards Coriolanus. She stopped short of approaching. She wanted to listen in for a moment to what they might be saying. [Y/N] knew her parents were of the socially treacherous sort. She turned her back to them and stood, pretending she didn’t know they were there.

“…Hasn’t given you too much trouble.” She heard her mother laugh.

Coriolanus laughed uncomfortably back. “Ha, not too much, no,” He said. “She’s quite fiery, for lack of a better word, though. Tough. She’s a tough woman.”

“You’re a strong young man, Coriolanus. I’m sure you’ll find a way to put her in her place. You can’t have her compromise your image and all that, you know. She can just be so destructive.” Her father said.

[Y/N] felt her heart sink. The positive interactions she had with Coriolanus were slipping out of her mind by the second in overhearing the conversation.

“Ah, yes sir,” Coriolanus said. “We’ve got a whole lifetime for—“

[Y/N] turned around and stomped over to Coriolanus. “There you are!” She said, returning that winning smile to her lips. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, dear,” [Y/N] the pet name coming from her mouth made her nauseous. She grasped Coriolanus’ arm firmly. “And you got me a drink? You really are a dear, aren’t you?” She smiled and turned to her parents. Coriolanus felt tense beside her; she could feel it in the muscles in his arm.

Both her mother and father embraced her lovingly. “Oh, [Y/N], you look beautiful as ever.” Her mother said.

“Thank you,” [Y/N] said flatly, not returning the compliment. “If you’ll excuse us, there was someone else I wanted Coriolanus to meet. We’ll be back around soon. Love you!” She muttered, pulling Coriolanus away from her parents.

“Give me that.” She said, as soon as they were out of earshot, taking the glass of posca from Coriolanus.

“They’re…” he started in reference to her parents.

“Dreadful. I know,” [Y/N] heart felt broken. She didn’t even have a chance with Coriolanus without their humiliating influence. She didn’t want to dive into rationalizing his overheard conversation. So she just morosely stared down at the floor.

“They’re cruel to you,” he remarked as [Y/N] drank. “They told me I should work on breaking your spirit.”

[Y/N] took a long drink from her glass. “Are you going to? Break my spirit, I mean.”

“Haven’t decided,” Coriolanus replied. “Is tonight terrible so far for you?”

“Absolutely and unendingly.”

“Shame, since it’s supposed to be for us,” Coriolanus frowned. “Here’s what we’ll do. Drink up and we’ll dance. You told me you liked to dance once. Still true?”

“Uh, yes. You remember that?” The truth was that Coriolanus forgot very little.

“Too much talking, not enough drinking.” He replied, reaching out to tip the stem of her posca glass up, forcing the drink towards her lips.

“You’re a dick.” [Y/N] snapped. Her voice echoed from the round glass at her mouth.

“Never heard that one before.” Coriolanus said sarcastically.

A total of five empty posca glasses were settled on a cocktail table between them after about forty-five minutes of chatter and drinking. Coriolanus seemed looser than before, but focused as ever. The third glass, and the last half of Coriolanus’ second, had sent [Y/N] over the edge into drunkness, however.

“Dance with me now?” [Y/N] slurred slightly.

Coriolanus held his hand out as an affirmative response. She took it and he led her towards the dance floor. “FYI, I’m going to lead. You’re falling apart.” He leaned in to whisper teasingly as they approached the shiny wooden floor.

“If you’re shit at this, I reserve the right to take over as lead.”

“You have zero faith in me,” Coriolanus said, grabbing her too firmly in a waltz hold. She placed her hand on his broad shoulder. “Don’t think, just follow. I’ve got you.” He said, staring at her. Blue, blue, blue eyes, completely unreadable. Coriolanus sloppily led her around the dance floor, keeping the spins to a minimum. Sober, he was probably a fairly decent dancer. [Y/N] was reflexively a fine dancer as well, but a bit sloppier than normal. The thing that was actually holding back her dancing abilities, were the damn red heels. Her feet ached and she didn’t think she would be able to keep up with much more than a waltz in them.

The next song began after only half the length she had expected from a waltz, [Y/N]. It was a brisk foxtrot; all reliant on footwork. As Coriolanus led her into the first sidestep, [Y/N] kicked off her heels without missing a step. She harshly kicked them aside, sliding them to the edge of the dance floor. [Y/N] found she felt tiny now in front of Coriolanus. His smirk doubled at the sight as well. “Better?”

“Much. How about you shrink six inches next time so I don’t have to grow six inches. Seems fair to me.”

Coriolanus laughed cordially. His laugh turned into a sigh when he noticed [Y/N]’s lack of reply. “Are you angry with me?” He was aware that she usually was angry with him, he was asking specifically she to the conversation with her parents.

“Yes, why?”

“Because you’re being extremely rude.” Coriolanus said sharply.

“And?”

“No reason, just making conversation.”

Coriolanus couldn’t figure out what [Y/N] was looking at over his shoulder, but he didn’t care enough to ask. “Wanna make it up to me?” [Y/N] asked. “Posca wasn’t enough.”

“I’ll consider it. The terms?” He replied, spinning her through a tempo change.

“I want to make my parents hurt. I don’t live under their roof anymore. She’s been staring at me since I took my shoes off. See? I’m embarrassing her. And you know how big you owe me.”

This gave Coriolanus pause. Really, he didn’t owe her anything worth a damn. She was as bad to him as he was to her. “Why?”

“You said you could grant me opportunity. Grant me the opportunity of making her feel a fool for making me marry you, Coriolanus. I’m drunk. This offer is only going to work right now.”

“What’s in it for me?”

“Blowjob.”

“I have an idea,” Coriolanus said immediately. [Y/N] grinned. His job was having wicked, awful ideas, so it was nice when he delivered. “Do you trust me?”

“No.”

“By the end of tonight, you will,” Coriolanus grimaced. He rotated the pair of them on the dance floor so [Y/N]’s back was to them and he could keep eyes on her parents. “I’m going to touch you.” He whispered in her ear when the music shifted to something more akin to a rumba.

“What?”

In seconds, [Y/N] felt Coriolanus’ nose slide from where he had whispered in her ear and down her neck to above her pulse point. He planted one kiss to her throat. Coriolanus waited before kissing her again to make sure she didn’t throw him halfway across the event hall in rage first. After that, he felt he had the go-ahead to work more forcefully. Coriolanus sensually kissed hard up and down the right side of [Y/N]’s throat, while both of them tried to keep their fuzzy brains clear enough to keep dancing. He kept kissing and sucking at her neck until she let out a nice loud sound of pleasure. That was when he pulled away. He was happy to see a nice purple bruise starting to form on her exposed neck.

“How was that?” He asked dryly, trying to hold off a pending erection.

“You’re out of your mind. Do it again.”

“I’m pretty sure my boss is here, [Y/N]. That was… great, but unless there’s—“

“We got lectured our entire growing up at the Academy to make sure we were to be winners by any means necessary, Coriolanus. Push the envelope. It’s our night. We can do whatever we want. Let’s make it count, at least. With all these cameras here? You keep this up, and your face will be on every periodical in Panem.”

“Yeah, for terrible reasons!”

“Any press is good press and you know that. ‘TROUBLE IN THE ARENA?: GAMEMAKER’S FIANCÉE BREAKS DOWN AT PARTY,’” she said, showing a fictional headline example. “Below it, a nice picture of me crying and you dusting me off like a dutiful husband. Have your way with me and eventually I’ll snap and cry and accuse you of something you didn’t do, then you can ‘put me in place,’ so to speak. Control the fucking news cycle til everyone knows your name.”

[Y/N] could tell that Coriolanus had in fact agreed to gamble with his image when his hand slid down her back and grabbed her ass. His mouth ducked back into her neck as well, biting harder than [Y/N] expected. [Y/N] let out a painfully loud moan without meaning to.

“You want a show, let’s give ‘em a show.” He muttered against her skin. Coriolanus pulled his hips flush against his. The fabric of her ballgown being the only meaningful barrier between them. After a few moments, they had given up any chance at a rumba. Coriolanus stood over her, kissing her bruisingly hard anywhere we could reach.

“Coriolanus,” [Y/N] muttered. She gripped his shoulder tightly to steady herself. “Fuck, that feels good.”

Coriolanus took his hand out of the one that was clutching hers and slid it up to grab her face harshly between thumb and forefinger. “Can you shut up for a minute? I’ve let you run your mouth all day. It’s getting annoying,” He said, the mask of kindness slipping from his eyes. “You have had a complaint about everything. I put up with it, too. It’s getting… really,” Coriolanus’ hand gripped her ass harder over the ballgown. “Fucking annoying. You’re already making me do all this because I’m a dick. Stop being a brat. Please keep your mouth closed until I want it open, okay?”

He was holding her face so tightly that she couldn’t even nod. That’s when she saw the cameras start flashing, as Coriolanus gripped her by the face like a spoiled child and rubbed her ass in front of everyone she knew. “Yes.” She tried to mumble, but it came out squished.

“Great, then, we’re clear. Don’t think, just follow.” Coriolanus leaned forward and kissed her blazingly. That’s around the time [Y/N] could hear her mother in hysterics stomping to the bathroom. She sighed with relief, but also burned with humiliation. It felt like Coriolanus was practically trying to fuck her with her clothes on.

[Y/N] couldn’t believe this. This wasn’t brutally argumentative Snow, this wasn’t pseudo-gentle Snow. Who was this? What the fuck was he doing? Why did it feel good? [Y/N] felt a shiver tingle down her spine as he kissed her. Aggressively, she kissed back in an attempt at delivering that ruthlessness Coriolanus said he prized. He squashed that quickly and leaned her back, almost knocking her off her feet. She pulled back breathlessly.

[Y/N]’s eyes were darting around the room, watching everyone watching her. She was the show tonight. For the first time in her life, someone had made her the real center of attention that she always craved to me. Coriolanus granted her opportunity. It fucking worked. Her gaze shot back to Coriolanus, looking down at her possessively. He was mouthing something to her, but her intoxicated brain couldn’t signal her eyes to focus enough to piece together his words.

“What?” She whispered, leaning away from him.

More clearly this time, Coriolanus mouthed. “Hit. Me,” He leaned in close to her ear and whispered. “I told you. I’m leading; I have an idea.”

[Y/N] started to shake her head ‘no’ at her insane exhibitionist fiancé, but she remembered she was the one that had asked for a show. Without asking why, [Y/N] feigned disgust and stepped away from Coriolanus. She raised her hand and sharply slapped him across the face. This elicited gasps of shock from their guests. She could see a red mark beginning to develop on Coriolanus’ fair cheek.

Violence like this is what people in the Districts did. This was not what well-bred, promising youth from the Capitol did. The chatter in the room grew in the form of prying hushed whispers. The band stopped playing. This was not how beautiful young girls behaved at their engagement parties. [Y/N]’s stomach dropped. She looked angrily between her vile hand and the mark on Coriolanus’ face. Both of their expressions showed that she had hit him harder than they expected.

“How many men, [Y/N]?” Coriolanus asked, forcefully.

“What?” [Y/N] asked, shocked. She had no idea what he was talking about.

“How many men have had you behind my back?”

It was a fucking act. No truth to it at all. He wanted a rise out of her and so did the cameras. This was exactly what she had asked him, she didn’t realize how seriously he would take her.

[Y/N] sighed. She understood her role and she was going to play it perfectly. “One. Only one, I swear. None since you caught us in bed.” Lie. “Stop. We’re…” she glanced around, playing ashamed of the cameras. “We’re in public, Coriolanus. Please. Don’t cause a scene.” She said, parroting what he had said to her that morning.

That line did the trick. She saw the vein in his forehead pop out. “Don’t cause a scene? You struck me!” Coriolanus roared. “That’s unfair, and you know it.” The ghost of a smirk played on his lips while he clutched his face.

“You wouldn’t hear reason! The accusations you made of me, Coriolanus. You—You—“

Coriolanus surged forward and grabbed her by her forearms. “Accusations that are warranted. I don’t know how you expect me to trust you after something like that! Do you think I’m made of stone?”

“Yes!” [Y/N] yelled truthfully.

Coriolanus paused. “[Y/N], I hurt just as much as you do. You’re drunk. You’re not thinking straight,” He placated. “I just can’t stand to see how these men look at you like that, knowing you would trade me for them in a heartbeat.” He brought the tempo of their fight down with his false melancholy.

“Coriolanus…” [Y/N] said tentatively. “I wouldn’t… Not now. We’ve put that behind us. I-I’m yours and—“

“I made this whole night about you. I…” Coriolanus swallowed dramatically. “I love you.” Lie? “I love you, I spend all night trying to show you that I don’t want anyone but you. I try to make you feel special so you won’t stray again. And you, you hit me… I can’t do anything right enough for you.” He turned his face away, feigning hiding tears and released her arms.

Without the stabilizing touch of Coriolanus, [Y/N] was starting to feel uncertain on her feet from the alcohol. Far from gracefully, [Y/N] sank to the floor, her skirt fanning out around her as it had when she was searching for her shoe earlier that evening. From the drink, the tension and the state of her shambling life, [Y/N] let out an unexpected sob. Coriolanus turned his head in genuine surprise at the sound. “I’m sorry, my love,” she started through sniffles. “I’m sorry. Forgive me,” She looked up at him as her mascara began to drip down her cheeks. “Please forgive me. You have every right to leave, but please, Coriolanus, you’re all I have left.” That part was true. It was all gone. Her childhood home, the security of her parents, university and the Academy were behind her, taxing relationships with friends she had outgrown. Coriolanus was all that remained. [Y/N] cried harder. “I made a mistake.” She howled.

Coriolanus was impressed, to say the least. Cautiously, he knelt down in front of [Y/N]. He would remember this image of her for his whole life. With her mascara running, her stockings ripped, her shoes long missing, the top of her extravagant dress sliding too low for public consumption, she was divine, truthfully. That was her. That was how he would always want to remember her. “Darling?” He said quietly.

Now, the bastard was left open to play the dutiful savior, just as she had teased earlier.

[Y/N] started to twist the engagement ring off of her finger, theatrically. Coriolanus took her obvious bait and took her hand to stop her. He slid the ruby ring back down her finger calmly. “Darling, I’m not going anywhere. You’re drunk. You just need a little help, right? You mustn’t drink so much. It breaks my heart to see you like this,” Coriolanus squeezed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. “You need me. I’m not going anywhere. What kind of husband would that make me if I did?”

She nodded. “Thank you,” she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “You’re a good man, Coriolanus,” LIE. “You’re too good to me.”

“Come on,” Coriolanus rose from the floor and extended a hand to her. “Let’s get you home, huh?” He said condescendingly.

[Y/N] took his hand carefully. He pulled her up and she stumbled to her feet. Coriolanus wrapped an arm tightly around her waist and pulled her closer. He glanced around in surprise to address the crowd that had gathered in front of them. “I’m sorry for everything you just had to see. Please be kind to my fiancée; she’s had a lot to drink. Posca, right?” Coriolanus darkly attempted a somber joke. “I should’ve kept a closer eye on her. We’ll be getting home. Thank you all for coming out to celebrate us tonight.” Sorry to call it a night with so much night left.” He said softly.

Coriolanus led her to the edge of the dance floor where he had spotted her shoes. He grabbed the red shoes from the floor and carried them dangling from his free hand as he walked her to the door and down the stairs to the sidewalk. [Y/N] had a vague memory of Coriolanus summoning their driver via the valet at the door. She was too busy noticing how her stockings caught on the sidewalk with every step.

“Darling?” Coriolanus whispered, leaning down to whisper to her. “You were brilliant.”

“Really?” She sniffled hesitantly. “Because I’m fairly certain that everyone in that room hates me.”

“Any press is good press.” Coriolanus reminded her with a gentle kiss to the forehead.

“For you, maybe. I made a mistake asking for that…” she kicked at a stray stone on the sidewalk. “I am probably the biggest villain in Panem right now.” [Y/N] said, shaking her head a little with a sad laugh.

“Not a villain,” Coriolanus scoffed. “A star.”

PART II HERE

TAGLIST:

@badwicht @stelleduarte @cinnamongirl127 @prettyppetty @soulessien @bejeweledreverie @jjstyles @ndycrls @arminsarlerts @catlover420sstuff @chmpgneprblem @co1dmountains @watermelonharry @ohantonia @miscellaneousmoonchild @lille999 @pumkinnxsmut @nananarwhal @taykorsyogurt

sorry - some of them would not process and actually tag! i tried!!!!! non functional tags indicated with strikethru

[wri0thesley]

SO glad someone else is in the "Just the tip" hole, so here I am like a little kid, cupping my hands for any spare thoughts (preferrably anyone besides Sampo), if you have any to share? 🤲🖤

loni i was going to write a post anyway but being able to reply to asks with my thoughts - proof that there is Demand (tm!) makes me feel SO much better about the brainrot!!! i have many thoughts abt sampo too so i am eagerly awaiting ur drabble, just the tip is really a concept of all time!

ft: gepard, welt, himeko, serval, jing yuan, luocha cw: reader is afab with no pronouns used. public sex (luocha), straps, sex toys (himeko and serval), a little size kink (jing yuan), a little soft dom (welt). not sfw, minors dni.

Gepard doesn't quite realise how big he is. He's not got all that much experience; he's never really thought about it, far too busy with all of the responsibilities that come hand in hand with being Captain of the Silvermane Guards. So when your eyes widen and your fingers can't quite meet when you wrap them around his length, he lets out a ragged breath and a moan and pushes his cock between your thighs. You have to breathlessly curl your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and whisper out his name. He's already on the edge just by being close to you. The silky softness of your thighs, the inviting shine of your lips and the way that arousal makes your eyes blow dark and wide - when you whisper softly into his ear; "I don't know if I can take it, Gepard . . . J-just the tip, alright? Go slow--", he worries that he's about to embarrass himself right there and then and come before he's even gotten inside of you.

You whine and whimper as he slowly pushes you open, your wetness smearing all over the ruddy head of his cock. Your fingers tighten in his hair even as a soft strangled noise falls from Gepard's own mouth and he struggles to not ram himself inside of you - you have no idea how good you feel. How hot and tight and wet and perfect the embrace of your walls clinging to him is, even on just the head of his cock.

But he did not get where he is by not having self-control. His muscular arms, corded with scars from practise battles and real battles alike, cage you in on the bed beneath him. He looks at you like someone who cannot believe how lucky he is.

"I'll wait here," he promises you, his voice lust-soaked and cracking with the effort. "As long as you need me to."

Welt sees how your lip trembles, how you take in a slow, steadying breath, and he cannot help his desire to take care of you a little. To coddle you and fuss over you, to make the most of the age and experience that he has and you do not. So he smiles at you, crow's feet crinkling the edges of his eyes behind his glasses, and traces the pout of your bottom lip with his thumb. His voice is patient and soft when he speaks to you.

"I'll go slowly," he tells you, as he gently slaps his cock against your wet folds where you sit on his desk before him, animation sketches and research papers pushed to one side in favour of the tempting treat that is your body. He has spent so much of his time working - nobody could blame him for taking a break and finding himself again in the silky tightness of someone younger and prettier than he himself is. "Just the tip first."

"Alright, Mr Yang," you breathe to him, your hands locking about his neck, urging him forward. You sigh as the head nudges your clit, as his precome mingles with your own slick arousal. You're a sensitive mess already - Welt is certainly not the kind of man who'd leave a partner unsatisfied, and his fingers and his tongue have already learnt every petal-soft fold of you, every spot that makes you shiver and whimper until you'd had to bite into his shoulder to stop your cries waking up every other crew member of the Express.

Slowly, slowly, carefully, he eases into you. Watches with rapt attention every movement of your body; the stretch of your cunt as it accepts him, until your hips are wriggling and squirming and you're tugging on his shoulders.

"Mr Yang," you're saying to him, your lip trembling, your shoulders racked with gasps. A whine leaks into your tone as he rests the head of his cock inside of you, enjoying the feel of it. Your sex pulses around the modicum of his length inside of you, fluttering, waiting to be fully claimed. "It's -- it's not enough!"

Welt laughs softly and presses a kiss on the top of your head that is almost paternal in its comfort - a reminder that he's old enough to be your father, your grandfather--

His voice is soft with just a hint of admonishment in it.

"You're really going to have to learn some patience."

Himeko has you wrapped around her little finger, but that doesn't mean that you don't eye the toy that she shows you with a little trepidation. She laughs at you when you do, pulling you into her, kissing you with the taste of coffee on her tongue as she talks you into her bed.

"If you're frightened of it," she's saying, even as your mouth is going dry as you watch her disrobe, "We'll go as slow as you need, darling. We'll start with just the tip."

You lose the ability to speak at the sight of her, auburn curls tumbling down her back and over the milky pale spill of her breasts and shoulders. Bathed in the starlight from her cabin window, she's unearthly, and your entire body sings out with desire for her. She smiles when she sees you looking.

"Always such a flatterer," she teases affectionately, as she wraps the toy carefully around the curve of her hips. It looks just as striking on her as everything else does. "Now, you just lie back. I've done this before. Let Himeko handle it, hmm?"

You're helpless to a command from the beautiful navigator, and you let yourself fall back on the pillows as she walks towards you with all of the elegance of somebody who knows exactly how lovely she is. She gives you a soft smile, her golden eyes gentle in the light, even as she gathers herself onto her knees and her fingers lightly dance over your bare skin. Electric pinpricks of desire radiate from every touch.

"Aren't you beautiful?" She muses to herself, as she wraps her hand around the toy and pumps it a few times - when it comes away, you see there's something thick and clear and viscous dripping from it. She laughs softly again when she sees you looking.

"You're already wet," she whispers to you, in a low, musical voice. "But if you're still nervous . . . well, there's nothing wrong with a little help, is there?"

Her fingers dance over your skin. She knows every part of you intimately by now; the spot on your stomach, the way you whimper when she pinches your nipples, the place on your hips that makes you breathe in a deep sigh and your own lashes flutter. Through her touches, she keeps murmuring soft platitudes to you - how pretty you look like this, for her. What a precious treasure you are. How she can't wait for you to come apart--

And by the time she is sliding the tip of the toy inside of you and you are fair dizzy with want, you can do nothing but whisper out her name. She leaves the tip of the toy inside of you, smiling down, as patient and beautiful and dazzling as ever.

"I told you," she murmurs, as her long fingers return to pluck and play with your nipples, and you get used to the new stretch of having something thicker than Himeko's fingers inside of you. "We'll go as slow as you need. Any new territory worth exploring is worth doing . . ." She leans down, her mouth full and soft and wet as it meets yours and you whine into it. "Thoroughly."

Serval is a tease. You'd known she was up to something the moment you'd stepped into the workshop and she'd flipped the sign to 'closed' with a feline grin on her face as she'd beckoned you over to her and told you she could really use your help with some new gadget she was tinkering with.

So now, as she has you bent over her workbench with something vibrating pressed in the valley between the folds of your sex, the tip pressed just so - buzzing and tingling - against the swollen pearl of your clit, it's all you can do to keep your fingers tight around the edge of the workbench and your knees locked so you don't collapse.

"Kitten," Serval is purring, her hips slowly rocking back and forth, the phallic toy strapped to her hips rubbing through the wet mess of your cunt. "Don't you like it? I made it thinking of you!"

Your words come out garbled, a mess of moans and sighs. Your own hips thrust back when she pulls away, trying to get her to keep the toy pressed against your clit for long enough for you to get off. Instead, she just laughs, nipping at your bare shoulder.

"You're getting desperate," she teases you, her voice deep and throaty and satisfied. "Beg me, kitten, and we'll see what I can do for you."

"Serval--" Your voice comes out a whine. "Please . . ."

Her clever fingers, calloused palms, slide down your bare skin, leaving electric zaps wherever they touch you. You shudder under her practised touch - you are an instrument, and Serval has already proved she is a master musician.

"Seeing as you asked so nicely," she says to you, and you sense the wicked cat-like grin on her mouth. "How about I give you just the tip?"

"Not enough--"

"You're getting greedy!" The buzzing toy slides a scant inch inside of you without the smallest hint of resistance; you're wet enough from the teasing already. You can feel your own arousal dripping down your thighs, and Serval sighs happily as she dips one of her fingers between your thighs to toy with your clit as the tip of the toy rests inside of you.

"You're lucky you're so cute," she whispers to you. Her finger slides back and forth over your clit, drawing delicate circles - she always knows how to use them. "Come for me on the tip, and I'll fuck you with the rest of it too."

Jing Yuan's patience has long been mistaken for occasional laziness; but you know better than most that there is nothing of the kind, when it comes to him. And there is certainly nothing of the kind when it comes to trysts like this.

Oh, you and he have gotten used to rushing moments when you can, in between him being needed for meetings and work - but now? In the evening, loose ends tied up, with nothing but one another to spend the night on?

This is a tryst that will last.

Jing Yuan is not lazy - he merely likes to take his time. For a man whose being is tied up in his past warfare, he knows how to handle delicate things like you - but that doesn't mean he's going to rush it. Not when you look so pretty laid out like this for him, clothes rumpled and discarded beneath you, looking up at him with your eyes all soft and wanting and your mouth aching to be kissed.

He hums beneath his breath as he lets his mouth learn the shape of yours; pushes you gently back when you try and kiss deeply into him, to make him hurry up. His cock nudges against your inner thigh and he sighs a slow, indolent sigh of pleasure that makes your heart beat double time in your chest.

"We have all of the time in the world, little bird," he tells you, with an insouciant smile on his face. Your face scrunches, an adorable expression of impatience taking over your features, and he smiles down at you like someone looking at the finest treasure in the world.

"Impatient," he chides you, but there's nothing but warmth in his tone when it comes to you. His hands find your thighs, digging into the soft skin as he parts them. Warm eyes like pools of molten gold find your core, and he sighs as he looks at you. You squirm under his gaze, and as he softly leans down and lets some of his own saliva drip onto your cunt, you whimper at the feel. "This is impatient, too," He says to you, and laughs. "Drooling all over the place. Mm. Is that how much it wants me?"

"I want you," you respond to him, mouth petulant. Jing Yuan shakes his head fondly at you but readjusts himself, hand around his cock to guide it to your sex. He taps the thick head softly against your clit until you squirm, pouting. "Jing Yuan--"

"Ah, I know, I know," he looks down at where the two of you are not yet joined. "I'm always reminded how . . . small you are, when I look down at you like this."

"It will fit," you insist to him, and he raises one eyebrow.

"Oh, I know it will," he tells you, still smiling at you. "But it's a tight one, isn't it?"

"Jing Yuan, you're stalling--!"

He laughs again.

"Ha. My apologies, little bird." Slowly, he guides his cock to your opening - resting it against there, just for a moment. Exactly as he said, he seems so much bigger than you - his tip thick and blunt and rounded, your entrance small even as your hole pulses and oozes slick in preparation for him. "I simply like looking at you."

"There's something you'd like more than just looking," you encourage him, and he shakes his head so that his mane of hair falls over his shoulders.

"You're incorrigible," he tells you - and then he is pushing forth into you, and your mind goes white of anything but the feel of Jing Yuan inside of you, his cock, your cunt, where they meld together and you become one--

Wait.

Why has he stopped?

"Jing Yuan--!"

He swallows your cry of his name with a kiss that is anything but lazy, tongue exploring your mouth, teeth tugging at your bottom lip until you're dizzy with it all. He tastes, just a little, like sweets.

He pulls back just enough to look at you half-lidded, the tip of his cock just stretching you out.

"I'm merely taking my time," he tells you. "Whilst I have it."

Luocha is mean, you think, even as his words remain unfailingly genteel. Even as his face remains a polite mask, he leaves his cock not-quite inside of you as you tremble against the wall he has you bodily pressed up against.

"Please," you breathe out to him, teary-eyed, lip trembling. "Y-you can't just leave it there--"

He cocks one eyebrow, his face unfairly pretty - unfairly unruffled, even with the tip of his cock buried in you. He's unfailingly still - almost as if the hot tightness of your cunt pulsing around him has no effect on him whatsoever. One long, elegant hand curves around your cheek as a small smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

He's big. You can't help but squirm against the concrete, your cunt wrapped around only the head of his cock but feeling like you've taken far, far more.

"We're in public," he says to you, voice just a little condescending. "If I were to go about this more . . . vigorously, surely you wouldn't want the attention of every person in the vicinity on you?"

Your own need feels like a thrum inside of you. It's hard to think, as Luocha moves his hips the barest fraction and you find yourself whining aloud. Firmly, he moves the hand on your cheek so that it's pressed over your mouth, muffling your noises.

"You can't take more than this," he tells you, voice calm and patient. "Not here. Not now."

You whimper into his gloved palm, tears beading in your eyes like little diamonds. Even that doesn't seem to move him, though he tips his head to one side, vaguely considering. He moves his hand just enough for you to take a breath, and whisper beseechingly;

"I-if not here . . . will you do it somewhere else?"

He laughs only one soft, musical little noise. He leans in close, his breath cool against your neck.

"Mm . . . but when you ask like that--"

You cry out as he pushes another inch of himself into you, eyes widening as the noise breaks the calm, cool air. Luocha pauses.

"Oh dear," he says. "I suppose we'll have to both come quickly then, hmm?"

[yurinaa-world]

Characters: Housewarden x Gender Neutral Reader

Synopsis: Housewarden With flirty S/o

Warnings: fluff, spelling mistakes, might be ooc

Notes: I am writing for twisted wonderland now!

𝑅𝒾𝒹𝒹𝓁𝑒 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓈

Who knows how you both got together and how you started dating each other?

He cannot handle your comments at all. like how you say all that and not be embarrassed while he, on the other hand, is all red in the face while lecturing you not to use such words in the land of the queen of hearts.

In return, you tell him, "I don’t see any type of rule that stops me from complimenting the Queen's beauty. You grin ear to ear while he just goes silent. The boy was left speechless.

As you decide to push your luck more than you already have and grab his hands and kiss his knuckles, Ah, what have you done after awhile? He calmed down, but don’t think you're not going to get a lecture after all; he must set an example so you don't do it in public.

But did you listen? Of course you don't want to make him uncomfortable, but he never told you not to flirt in private, and when in private, you do so much more to tease him, something like giving him kisses all over his face or blowing in his ear; such simple things get him so riled up!

𝐿𝑒𝑜𝓃𝒶 𝒦𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈𝒸𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒶𝓇

He’ll definitely go along with what you're putting out; if you think you can fluster him, you can dream, but it’ll never happen even if you try your hardest.

But who knows if you don’t try? You did many things to see him get all red, but nothing... Nothing; he just returns the energy you gave him, tells you he’s tired, wraps his arms around you, and falls asleep—not the things you wanted out of him.

Well, if words won’t get you the reaction you wanted, then your actions might, so you start to kiss his hand or intertwine your hands and give him a direct kiss on the lips.

He just smirks and somehow makes you go red instead! Leona just laughs at your gaping mouth and your rose-coloured cheeks, but you’ll keep on trying! Since nothing is impossible!

𝒜𝓏𝓊𝓁 𝒜𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓃𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓉𝓉𝑜

Well, if he can deal with Floyd, then he can definitely deal with your flirtiness.

But once you saw his octopus form for the first time, you knew you had something. Well,  you of course asked him if you could see him in his octopus, and after a lot of convincing, he did!

Well, he was pretty increure about showing this side of himself; he looked so red, and you told him that there was no need for him to be embarrassed; he looked so cute. He told you not to stare, but how could you not?

Azul doesn’t believe you at all, but you really mean what you said; he looks cute! You ask him if you could possibly touch his tentacles; they look so soft and squishy.

𝒦𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓂 𝒜𝓁-𝒜𝓈𝒾𝓂

He’d be pretty chill with your flirting.

not really flirty back, but he doesn’t need to since he’s always making you break with his bright smile and how he calls you beautiful; he does gushes to Kalim about you and how you're so pretty and how lucky he was to get to date you, and Jamil just listens (Jamil's totally Kamil’s wingman).

When you kiss him, he’s on cloud nine; you can see a little blush on his cheeks. He wanted to repay the favor but wanted to make it special, so he took you a ride on his magic carpet and gave you a kiss, which surprised you but you liked it.

𝒱𝒾𝓁 𝒮𝒸𝒽𝑜𝑒𝓃𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓉

Of course he loves your compliments; now he doesn’t blame you for being so madly in love with him; he is the fairest.

He’ll take anything you throw at him, no matter how flirtatious, since he’s a celebrity, but he likes to see you get flustered instead since you look so cute when you get a taste of your medicine.

He’ll grab your chin with his thumb pressing on your lips (if that makes sense). How needy you are to want his attention so badly. He is so generous to do so, but don’t get too greedy.

𝐼𝒹𝒾𝒶 𝒮𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒹

You like SSR in a gacha game where odds are like 5% chance of winning, but he was able to get lucky in just one ten pull.

He can’t handle you; even the most lighthearted comment gets him on his knees and has his fiery blue hair turn pink, but when you tease about it, he’ll mutter about how you're wrong, and he would never be flustered by a normie!

He’ll forgive you if you say sorry, but do you stop? No, what's the point in that? So you keep on going, like distracting him from his games with kisses on his neck. He’s muttering with a bit of blush on his pale skin that you're distracting him, but you want to spend time with him, plus he can play his games anytime.

𝑀𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓊𝓈 𝒟𝓇𝒶𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒾𝒶

I see Malleus understanding your flirting and going along but also getting confused by some of the things you say since he’s been sheltered for a lot of his life (like the man doesn’t know how to use a phone).

How bold of you, child of man, to say things like this to him without any fear! Call yourself lucky since Sebek isn’t there to scream his head off about indecent behavior in THE Malleus Draconia.

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[appocalipse]

Why am I imagining the concept of you/reader helping Steve wash his car that essentially turns into a flirtatious water fight? Wet t-shirts and all because he just seems like the sort 👀

because you are a GENIUS anon, genius!!!!!!!! i loved every minute of writing this | suggestive! (very)

“Are you really going to do this?”

Steve is sitting on the bottom step of your porch, watching you with something akin to delight in his warm brown eyes, leaning back on his palms and enjoying the faint breeze in his hair.

“I will,” you say decisively, bucket of suds in one hand, a big fluffy sponge in the other. You walk past him with the gait of someone who's going to do something really, really fun, almost bouncing around (which you only don't do because you're carrying the bucket in the first place, by the way) and he chuckles, shaking his head; he cannot understand at all how all this excitement is compatible with the simple act of washing his car.

It's a hot but pleasant day, and you had asked him, wanting to do something nice for someone who did so many nice things for you every day without asking for anything in return. Steve had said yes. He even had the trouble to park the car close enough so you could use the hose. So yeah — you're definitely going to wash his car.

How did he end up so lucky?

Steve can't believe how adorable you are. He watches silently as you walk around the hood, carefully set the bucket on the ground, and bend down to dip the sponge into the sud.

It's summer and the sun is high in the sky; you're wearing light clothes, a pair of little shorts that slide and expose a good amount of your skin in this position.

“Oh, c'mon,” he sighs, smiling that smile. "Now you're just teasing me."

Your interest in washing his car is genuine, you swear. “I'm not,” you guarantee, looking at him over your shoulder with a loving chuckle.

You start from top to bottom, so the roof is the first part of the car the sponge touches, spreading suds and lifting the pleasant fragrance of the car wash product he'd brought for you to use. You stretch on your tiptoes; Steve tilts his head to the side, squinting his eyes at you.

“Are you wearing the red bikini?” he says as if it is a personal offense to him.

The red strap and the bow at the back of your neck most likely gave you away.

"Maybe," you tease.

“Really?” his tone is now all sweet and plea, soft as silk. “Let me see?”

“What?” you're trying to concentrate on soaping the windows, but his gaze on your skin seems to burn more than the sun, and there's a smile on your face that you can't shake as you turn your head to look at him, faking (badly) indifference. "No."

“Please?”

You laugh. "No!"

“Why not?”

��Because- what are you doing?”

He is getting up. He stretches for far too long, very pleased with the look you're giving him as you seem to catch on.

“I'll help you,” he promises. The smile on his face says otherwise.

"No! Absolutely not-"

Steve takes his t-shirt off and you gasp like a teenager. What a dork. A dork that's too pretty for your own good and a dork you love dearly, but still a dork.

“What?” he asks, feigning innocence. "You think I'll distract you, sweetheart?"

As if he knew how to do anything else.

Steve takes a step closer to you. Just judging by the look on his face, you're sure one step is too close, and you retreat to a safer distance. "Stay there!" you warn. The smile on your face betrays you though.

"Why?"

Of course he doesn't obey. Obviously. He's getting closer now, forcing you to walk backward. “Stop-stop it!”

He chuckles. "I'm not doing anything, baby."

"You're so mean."

"You're meaner. Wearing that bikini and not letting me see it? So mean.”

You walk around the hood again, half to clean the other side of the car and half hoping to put more distance between the two of you.

Steve watches you silently for all of ten seconds before calling, “Babe?”

“Take it off for me?”

You lift your head, looking at him over the roof of his BMW. “Hmm?”

He pouts, trying for innocent-looking, but his eyes give him away in a heartbeat. He’s so charming you feel a little dizzy though, cheeks burning red for a couple of reasons other than the sun.

You make a face he can only interpret as a clear no. But Steve…ah, Steve isn't intimidated easily. It's a hot summer day when neither of you has to work, so he's even more relaxed than usual, more affectionate than usual.

You're so focused on your task that you don't even realize where he's going. He picks up the hose and starts rinsing the parts you've already soaped from the other side of the car innocently, slowly, like a good, obedient boy. You don't say anything.

Until he lifts the hose a little too high — accidentally, of course, he swears — and a jet of water hits your chest, soaking your t-shirt entirely.

You yelp and step away, wet from top to toe; Steve is displaying the most false expression of surprise and regret you've ever seen, mouth open into an 'O' shape.

“STEVE!”

He is trying to hide his smile. “Sorry!” he says, only then lowering the hose. There's not even a little bit of regret anywhere near him.

You try to look angry. But at him? It's hard.

“You got me all wet!” you yell.

“Don’t I always?”

He's an idiot and you love him too much for your own good.

“Oh my God,” you throw the wet sponge at him and Steve dodges it easily. You don't look nearly as angry as you'd like and he notices because he's now openly laughing.

With nothing else to do, you discard your shirt. He wins.

“Happy?” you say, crossing your arms. “Now stop looking at me like that.”

“You’re wet and wearing a bikini and you expect me not to look at you?”

You try for a stern tone. "Steve."

“Gimme a kiss?”

How come I let you get away with everything?

“Stop distracting me," you admonish. "I'm trying to do something nice for you.”

“I can think of something nice you can do for me with your mouth.”

“Steve!”

“I meant a kiss, you perv!”

[mymoodwriting]

26.7k, yandere, illegal activities, racer car driving, speeding, drinking, avoiding authorities, alcohol, drunk behavior, medication, drugs, needles, amnesia, smut, gang bang, female penetration, fingering, unprotected sex, handjob, cum play, cream pie, birth control pills, bruising, undercover operation, criminal acts, robbery, kidnapping, manipulation, verbal abuse, near dead experience, car accident, interrogation, restraints, lies, deceit, deja vu (@starillusion13)

I know you get deja vu...

    Opening your eyes felt strange, as if you had been sleeping for days and were finally waking up. You took in a soft breath, seeing an unfamiliar environment. Your senses slowly came to, and you heard the beeping of a machine. You lazily looked over, seeing what appeared to be a masked doctor checking an IV drip, intending to add something to it. Your eyes slowly followed the line until you found the needle, feeling it sticking out of your arm.

“… what…”

“Hm, you’re awake?”

“Am… am I… in a hospital?” You looked around. “What happened?”

“Uh… what’s the last thing you remember?”

“My head… it’s fuzzy… wait, what day is it?”

“It’s Sunday.”

“Okay, I didn’t miss classes…”

“It’s summer though.”

“Huh? No, it’s… what’s the date?”

     You needed to hear the date twice, not wanting to believe what you were hearing. Because if it was true, then there was a six month gap in your memory. 

“Do you really not remember the last six months?”

“What happened…”

    You looked up at the person with you, on the verge of breaking down in panic. You were so scared and confused when suddenly a familiar face came into the room.

“Y/n!”

“Chan!”

    The tears spilled out when Chan came over to hug you tight. Even if you didn’t understand what was going on, having him here brought you relief. You weren’t alone anymore. He let you cry until you exhausted yourself, completely ignoring the other person in the room as they left, not even asking for them to get the doctor. At the moment he was just glad you were alive and awake.

“Chan… Chan, what’s going on?” You sniffled. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“No… but the other person… what’s the date…”

“Y/n, what-”

“I’m missing six months… my memory… what’s happening?”

“Easy, just take it easy, everything’s going to be alright.”

    You had so many questions, but Chan insisted on getting a doctor first to look you over and make sure everything was alright. That’s when you learned how you wound up in the hospital. You had been in a car accident, a bad one as it had flipped over and rolled. You were found unconscious, upside down and buckled into the driver’s seat of the car. Now you were starting to feel all your wounds. The bruises and cuts that decorated your skin, not to mention the whiplash and head injuries. You were lucky nothing had broken, except your mind apparently. The head trauma is most likely what cause the amnesia. Theoretically you should regain your memories, but there was no way to know for sure.

“What happened, Chan?”

“I don’t know. You were driving alone late at night on an empty street. There’s no CCTV to look at, so no one knows what happened to you that night. Only you do, but you’ve forgotten.”

“So I have to remember…”

“You don’t. You’re alive, that’s all that matters. It’s probably best if you don’t remember that horrible night anyway.”

“Chan.”

“Hm?”

“Six months ago I was in school. If I don’t remember I’d basically have to retake a whole semester.”

“Are you seriously worried about that right now?”

“Kinda… all that tuition money…  just down the drain… not to mention my education…”

Chan scoffed. “I cannot believe that’s your biggest concern right now. How about you focus on your recovery first.”

“But-”

“Look, I’ll take care of everything, including you.”

“Me?”

“You think I’m just gonna drop you off at your apartment when you get discharged? You’ll stay with me until I deem you fit to be on your own again.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Did you already forget how you wound up in the hospital? You were driving alone in the middle of the night!”

“I…”

“I’m sorry.” Chan quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean to scold you or anything like that… I just don’t want you on your own anymore, at least until I’m sure you’ll be alright.”

“I get that… thank you… and I’m sorry too…”

“For what?”

“I can’t imagine the kind of worry I put you through.”

“Yeah, you have no idea, but I’m just glad you’re safe now.”

    You had been unconscious for about three days, having been rushed into emergency surgery upon your arrival. Chan had been staying with you all this time, only stepping out to get food or take a call to keep the others updated. Now that you were up and doing well you could properly start your recovery process. You stayed in the hospital for a little over a week, and then got discharged into Chan’s care. He took you to his place. His loft that you were thankfully still familiar with. There were a few new things though, but you couldn’t explore much until you were better on your feet. So until then Chan attended to your every need, even when you protested. Although he tended to disappear at night, for work.

    You wanted to ask about that. A lot changed in six months, but you were certain he didn’t want to talk about it, so you waited. Once you were good on your feet, you kept it to yourself. So one night when Chan put you to bed and went out, you got up and went into one of the other rooms. It wasn’t his bedroom, but his office. Six months ago it had been mostly empty. A few papers hung on the wall, some basic points written on the whiteboard, and some question marks over some silhouettes. Now nearly every inch of the wall was covered with reports, or newspaper clippings, or hand written notes. Although there was a new question on the whiteboard.

“Who are the Black Pirates?”

    Eight pieces of red string led from the question to eight headshot silhouettes. Christopher Bang was your childhood friend who had grown up to become a cop, and Chan was the name he had taken upon going undercover. You probably shouldn’t be here, a part of his fake life, but you didn’t want him to be alone. Besides it wouldn’t hurt to have some piece of his real life around, something to keep him grounded and remind him who he really was deep down. Six months ago he was just getting started, having recently gathered up a team and making his way into the illegal street racing scene. From all the information on the wall, the operation was still going, but you weren’t sure if there had been progress. So while you had the chance you looked around, seeing what he had been up to all this time.

❤

“Y/n, what are you doing in here?”

“Uhm?”

    You woke to the sound of Chan’s voice, slowly lifting your head off the desk. It seemed you had fallen asleep at some point during all the reading.

“What time is it?”

“Like five in the morning.”

“And you’re barely getting home?”

“What are you doing in here?”

“Just some light reading…”

“Why.” 

    Chan went over to you, grabbing the papers you had been sleeping on. You merely yawned and rubbed the sleep from your eyes.

“I was just curious. Last I remember you had just begun this whole operation.”

“If you had questions you could have just asked.”

“And would you have answered me properly?”

“…”

“I thought so.”

Chan sighed. “You know this is meant to be top secret information, right?”

“That you just leave splayed out like this where anyone could see.”

“Not just anyone knows where I live. Nor could they get in so easily.”

“Touché.” You looked over at the whiteboard. “You’ve made some progress though. I guess the Black Pirates are an eight member gang.”

“In theory.”

“Theory?”

“There could be members that don’t go out on the field, or members that only participate in gang activities. All we know is that when it comes to committing crimes, the Black Pirates are seen as an eight member gang. At least that’s been consistent the last few months.”

“And you have no idea who it could be?”

“I might have a group of suspects.”

“Oh, who?”

“It’s just a gut feeling, nothing more.”

“So, no real progress then?”

“If it was that easy to catch them I wouldn’t need to go undercover.”

“Right… how are the others?”

“Good, and happy to know you’re alright too.”

“Tell them I said hi, and to come visit me.”

“I’ll relay the message. Now you should go back to bed.”

“Fine.”

    You got up and stumbled a bit, your legs still asleep, but Chan insisted on walking you back to your room. You slept in until Chan woke you to eat breakfast, and then you went back to sleep for a bit more. Now that you weren’t bedridden you could start catching up on things. First off you needed a new phone, as yours got destroyed in the crash. Chan had already prepared one for you and added your old contacts. Everyone you messaged was glad to hear from you, having been getting updates from Chan beforehand. You made sure to thank him for all he had done.

    Since you were talking with friends again, you brought up last semester and started looking into your academic record. Chan still didn’t want you on your own, so he brought over some of your school things. You had passed your previous classes, and by looking over at your notes it seemed you understood the material well. Everything felt kinda hazy, but you figured you could continue with your planned classes for next semester without worry. Besides, Chan promised to cover your tuition for the next year, along with any other expenses so you didn’t feel like you were wasting money. 

    He still didn’t like the idea of you regaining your memories, but he was going to support you and your choices.So you slowly began to live your life again. It was a bit difficult adjusting to the sudden time change, but you managed well. Once you were in a better condition you decided to meet up with friends, do a bit of catching up, but it was all mostly from them. You kinda felt bad, hearing all these stories and not being able to remember them. It kinda created this distance between you and your friends. You had fallen behind, and you weren’t entirely sure you could catch up. You didn’t say any of this out loud, but it weighed heavy on your mind. You wanted to remember, but you also understood why Chan didn’t.

    You had gotten into a horrible accident. All you knew about it was what you had been told, and the injuries you were recovering from. Chan didn’t let you look at any of the crime scene photos, and he had already asked your friends not to bring up the subject or engage. Truth was you probably should have died that night, but you didn’t. So if you remembered what happened, you’d have answers, but you’d also relive that fear and pain. Maybe it was best to just move on and figure out your life without those six months, but something was also nagging at you from that forsaken void.

    One night you had made your way into Chan’s office again, not seeing anything new. You felt bad. All these months and he hadn’t made any real progress. Now you knew undercover work could take years, but you still wanted to help in any way you could. Chan had been working for months, but for you it felt like just yesterday he had started, and just yesterday he was a different person. You hadn’t mentioned it to him, but you knew he had changed. You couldn’t be sure if your accident was the reason, but Chan wasn’t the same person you remembered. He was a lot more cold and serious, even to you. It seemed like he was trying not to be, but it was a part of him now.

    While you stared at all his work you found something new on the desk. A sticky note with an address scribbled on it. You typed it into the internet, and going by the location, it seemed to be where the illegal street racing was going down. It was probably a bad idea, but you were curious to see what Chan’s work environment looked like. So you got dressed, finding something you felt was appropriate for the occasion. You caught a taxi, having it drop you off near the area, and then going your own way. For a moment you thought you were wrong and had just come out to a rather deserted area where you were surely in danger, but then you heard it. The sounds of rubber on the pavement, the smell of alcohol in the air, and the wild cheering of the crowds of people gathered for the show.

    This area was out of sight, and a good distance from the main roads, yet it had its own racetrack, perfect for illegal street racing. Firstly you were relieved to see your clothes matched the event, so you wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Although there were other ways to get noticed. You made your way into the crowd, looking around at the people, trying to find Chan. Not to get caught, but to know where he was and avoid him. Not to mention the rest of his crew. They’d surely tell on you if they saw you in a place like this. So you kept your eyes open and your ears sharp, picking up on as much information as you could. A race had just ended, and another was soon to begin. You were curious to see, so you tried making your way to the front, but that seemed impossible because of the crowds.

“What are you doing here?”

    You froze, thinking you had been caught, but the voice wasn’t all that familiar. So you slowly turned around, instantly relieved to see it wasn’t Chan or his crew, but someone else. They stared at you curiously, but also intrigued, and it was starting to make you a bit uneasy. Although there was something else about him too.

“Uh, what are you talking about?”

“You don’t look like you belong here.”

“Oh… is it that obvious?” 

The man chuckled. “You can say that.”

“Huh… well I was honestly just looking for a friend of mine…”

“I’m sure you were. Who are they? Maybe I know them.”

“I don’t know… does the name Chan ring a bell?”

“The leader of Stray Kids, of course. His crew is racing next, going up against The Boyz.”

“You know him?”

“He’s a good racer, but you’re not gonna find him out here. Come on, I’ll take you to him and give you a better show.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t be shy. I know you’re not the type.”

    Without waiting for a response the man took your hand and pulled you along. His grip was firm, so you couldn’t really pull yourself free. Besides he didn’t seem all that bad, so you figured you should at least see where this would go. He led you away from the crowds and over to a chained off area, like a VIP section. There seemed to be bouncers around, but they let him and you pass through without issue. Next thing you knew you were surrounded by cars, seeing all kinds, and watching the people around show them off.

“Ya, Wooyoung, what do you have there?”

“Look who I found!”

    Wooyoung, as you had discovered his name, brought you before what you assumed to be his friends. There were seven other guys, and four cars present. Now you understood where you were. This was where all the racing crews gathered and hung out in between races.

“Yeah, I bet you found them.” One of the others approached, watching you closely. “Nice to see you. What are you doing here?”

“She’s looking for her friend, Chan.”

“Ah, Chan of Stray Kids, and does he know you’re here?”

“No…”

“That’s rude, isn’t it? You’re friends and he won’t even invite you to his races.”

“He just worries about me.”

“I bet. Yet you came all on your own.”

“Yeah…”

“Interesting… oh, where are our manners, we haven’t properly introduced ourselves. My name is Hong-”

“Y/n!”

    That voice you did recognize, and hearing your name called out so harshly made you wince. You slowly looked back to see Chan storming his way over to you, the anger on his face clear as day. He grabbed your arm and yanked you away from the other. Before you could say anything to defend yourself he cut you off.

“You think this is funny?”

    You didn’t really know what he meant by that, until you realized he wasn’t talking to you. He was staring down at the guy you had just been speaking to, making you wonder why he’d be mad at them. The other just laughed, and the rest of his crew was chuckling too.

“Honestly, I find this hilarious, and oh so very intriguing.”

“Stay away.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s your one and only warning.”

    Chan walked off and tugged you along. You didn’t even say goodbye to the others, but it was probably best you didn’t speak. So you didn’t ask where Chan was taking you, or how he found you, or what that whole scene back there had been about. You wound up over with his crew. They all seemed confused by your presence but greeted you nonetheless, not asking questions. Especially not as Chan told Minho to race in his place, and you were shoved into the passenger side of his car. Chan put your seat belt on for you and slammed the door shut. Now you were sure he was mad at you. Still, you didn’t say anything until you were on the road, an empty road, and you were certain this wasn’t going home.

“Uh… Chan, where are we going?”

    He didn’t answer you, instead hitting the gas. You watched as the speed increased, making you grab your seat belt. Your heart was already pounding, filling your ears, and your head began to hurt.

“Chan…”

“…”

“Chan, slow down, you’re scaring me…”

“…”

“Chan!”

“…”

“CHAN!” 

    He slammed on the breaks and the car swerved to the side. Once it came to a stop you took off your seat belt and got out of the car, falling to your knees as you caught your breath. A moment later Chan got out of the car, glancing your way and leaning against the hood. He sighed and looked up at the night sky.

“That was dangerous, wasn’t it?”

“What is wrong with you!?” You screamed. “Why the hell did you do that!?”

“Cause… this is where it happened…”

“What?”

“Where you got run off the road.”

“Run off…” 

    You looked around, seeing the empty street. You had been told you were driving alone at night on an empty road with no CCTV, and that something happened that caused you to flip over. No other details were shared, until now it seems.

“What do you mean? How would you…”

“There were three different tire marks on the road, and your car had a few impact points. Suggesting, or confirming, you weren’t out here alone.”

“So it wasn’t an accident… but more of a hit and run… why didn’t you tell me? Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I’m not doing this again.”

“What-”

“Chan, please answer your goddamn phone!”

    You were still somewhat processing when you heard your own voice. You looked over to see Chan holding up his phone, playing back some recording of you, probably a voicemail. He couldn’t even look at you, eyes shut and head bowed as the message played.

“When you get this, please call me back immediately. You were right, okay? Shit was dangerous and… I fucked up, but it was an accident! I didn’t… shit, they caught up to me…”

    You could vaguely make out the sound of a car engine in the recording, two, hearing them get louder as they got closer. You sounded panicked, and started screaming when your car got hit.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… Chan, I’m sorry… I know you told me to stay out of it… it’s my fault alright… please just call me back so I can tell you everything… I don’t know long I can do this… the Black Pirates-”

    Everything cut out as you heard the sound of a crash, and then the recording came to an end. Chan took in a breath as he put his phone away, and you could see the pain on his face.

“That… that was…”

“You were desperately trying to call me that night and I couldn’t answer the fucken phone in time…”

“So, the Black Pirates… they’re the ones that attacked me… but I don’t-”

“Six months ago you followed me to a race, and you made friends with the other crews. I told you to go home and stay out of my work but you insisted on helping me. I foolishly let you, but I didn’t know how deeply you had gotten involved… I don’t know what you were doing that night, or who you were with, or where… but I’m guessing you figured out who the Black Pirates were, and they figured out who you were too…”

“So I know who they are… or at least I did…”

“You almost died that night y/n, and I’m not putting you in danger again. So please, stay out of this.”

“I know who the Black Pirates are… so if I remember-”

“No!”

“But I can help, I-”

“What did I just say? I don’t want your help, I never should have let you in the first place. I’ll find those bastards and make them pay. There’s no reason for you to put yourself through that night again just for the sake of remembering them. That is if you actually know who they are. For all we know, you were getting close or they caught you in a lie and they chased you down for that alone.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I’m the one who should be apologizing… I shouldn’t have put you in danger… I’m sorry…”

“I made you worry a lot…”

Chan scoffed. “Yeah… yeah you did…”

“Sorry…”

“Just promise me you won’t follow me again, that you won’t get mixed up in that shit again.”

“I won’t… I promise… I’ll just stick to school, alright?”

“That’s good.”

    You took in your surroundings a bit more before Chan said he’d drop you off back at his place. You apologized for interrupting his night, but he admitted he felt relieved in telling you the truth. That way you knew to stay out of his work, and he could rest assured knowing you were safe. When he dropped you off you playfully wished him good luck, and told him to get back safe. Once back in the loft you went into his office, looking at these things one more time and your eyes landed on the whiteboard, staring at the question.

“Who are the Black Pirates?”

    You knew the answer, in theory, somewhere deep down, but it wasn’t worth looking for. Things were better off this way, and now you felt more certain focusing on your life, on your future, than looking into the past. You walked out of the office and shut the door behind you. It was scary to think you had gotten involved in such dangerous things, that you almost died, so you certainly had a new appreciation for life. If only that danger didn’t come back to find you.

❤

    Before the new semester began you gave yourself a bit of a refresher course on your previous semester classes, especially those that had been vital to the advancement of your academic career. Your friends even helped as well to make sure you were prepared. Although they all assured you, including Chan, that if you couldn’t handle the classes, there was no shame in dropping out and retaking the others. You stayed positive, but thanked them for their support. You were nervous on your first day, but that was just syllabus day and getting to know what to expect of the class. It all seemed manageable, and you had previous notes to look over if necessary. 

    Since much wasn’t going on yet your friends suggested going out for drinks to celebrate the beginning of the semester, and make wishes for the future. You were more than happy to attend. It’d be another thing to get your life back on track. So you showered and got dressed for a night of drinking and fun. You started off at a bar before going to continue the party at a karaoke place. You all sang your heart out, and once you were a good amount of alcohol in you all began to wind down. You all held your glasses up and made a wish for the future, whether it was for the semester or for life, but you all cheered each other on and wished for the best. 

    Definitely time to go home though, and you all sent each other off. You had called for a driver beforehand, so you messaged them to meet up with you to take you home. You waited outside the karaoke bar, dancing and singing to yourself, not as drunk as your friends but rather tipsy. You checked your phone when you were suddenly tapped on the shoulder. A nice boy smiled and bowed at you, asking if you were the lady who had called for a driver. You said yes and made sure to check everything to assure he was in fact your driver. He could see you were unsteady on your feet and made sure to hold you close.

“You know… you look kinda familiar… do I know you?”

The man chuckled. “I guess not.”

“What’s your name?”

“Yunho.”

“Hm…Yunho… pretty…”

    He opened the door for you and made sure you were alright in the back. He was a good driver too, making sure not to make you sick. Even if you were intoxicated you had enough awareness to notice he was going the wrong way. You had probably given him your apartment address without realizing.

“Excuse me, but you’re actually going the wrong way.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, my bad, I must have given you the wrong address earlier.”

“No problem, so where am I taking you?”

    Yunho was very understanding and apologized for the confusion. When you got to the loft he helped you out of the car and took you up to your place, opening the door for you too. Chan wasn’t home, out working again, so you weren’t worried about him catching you like this, probably wouldn’t approve of it either. You thanked Yunho for everything he had done, especially all the extra bits to make sure you got home safe.

“Really, thank you.”

“Just part of the job.”

“But you did more than necessary.”

“It’s no big deal. Sleep well.”

“Thanks, and get home safe.”

“Will do. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

❤

    Your classes had their difficult moments, but that was always to be expected. You were doing well overall, so you could continue with your life as normal, focusing on your studies. Sometimes you would glance at Chan’s office, wondering if there was any progress, but you promised yourself you wouldn’t ask. To give him peace of mind and keep yourself safe. Now that you were back in school and doing well, you talked with Chan about returning to your apartment. He was reluctant, but understood that you were your own person, and had your own life outside of him. It was kinda weird returning to your apartment. Things had changed, but those changes were decisions you made, even if you didn’t remember. 

    It kinda wasn’t your own place, but it was. So when you had some time you’d move things around again, trying to be comfortable. Your life was soon back on track, and it felt like nothing had ever happened. Everything seemed fine. Chan still kept in touch with you, and assured you everything was alright on his end. You were doing well in class, no longer feeling like you were behind with your friends. Things were moving forward, and yet that’s when the past began to haunt you. It all started with a simple headache in class. You thought it was normal but it only got worse. So your friends took you to the hospital.

“Have you been trying to remember your accident?” The doctor asked. “Or recover any memories from the past.”

“No… my life is doing well without those six months… so there’s no point. Why?”

“Usually headaches suddenly coming on in such a manner are related to regaining memories. Have you remembered anything?”

“No… not really…”

“Do you want to?”

“I’m not trying.”

“I see. It’s been a few months since your accident, so it’s possible the memories are coming back on their own.”

“Oh… there’s no way to prevent that… is there?”

“Memories, and the way the mind functions, still have their mysteries. All I can do is prescribe you some medication to help ease the headaches. Take them as needed.”

“Thanks.”

    You called Chan after your visit and told him what the doctor had told you. He seemed concerned, also wondering if there was any way to prevent that. It’s not like you really had control over this, but you promised Chan you would keep him updated if you remembered anything, especially things related to his case. You were scared, but you didn’t tell him. You had no idea the type of things buried inside your head, or what they would change about you if and when they came to light. You tried not to worry about it, but whenever your head hurt, even just a bit, you were terrified. The medicine did help with the pain, but that wasn’t going to stop the inevitable.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

    You’d always get distracted after a headache, worried you’d remember something horrendous. On this occasion you weren’t paying attention to where you were going, running into someone on campus. They could immediately tell you were kind of out of it, and showed concern.

“No, no, I’m fine.”

“You sure, you don’t look okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“You should sit down for a bit, collect your thoughts.”

“Yeah… yeah that’s a good idea.”

    The boy led you over to a bench, sitting down with you. He suggested some breathing exercises to help you calm down and steady yourself. 

“Thanks.”

“No problem. You sure you’re alright.”

“Yeah, just these headaches…”

“Are you taking anything for them?”

“Yeah, but it’s only for the pain.”

“What?”

“The headaches aren’t normal…”

“Are you sick?”

“No… I just got into an accident and I can’t remember some things… according to the doctor, these headaches probably mean my memories are returning…”

“And you don’t want that?”

“I’m scared…”

“Why?”

“Things happened… things I don’t really want to remember…”

“But I don’t think you can avoid it.”

“You’re probably right… sorry, I didn’t mean to dump my problems on you.”

“It’s okay. You’re looking better already.”

“Are you a freshman? I don’t think I’ve seen you around campus before… maybe a sophomore, you do seem a bit familiar.”

“Do I? I guess I just have one of those faces.”

“Maybe… what’s your name?”

“Yeosang.”

“Thank you, Yeosang.”

“No problem. Take care of yourself.”

    Yeosang excused himself first, wishing you well for the rest of the day. You certainly felt better after talking to him, but his words lingered. Remembering those months was probably unavoidable. You called Chan afterwards, admitting to the headaches getting worse and that you were bound to remember everything. He was worried about you, but he understood you probably couldn’t avoid it. So he suggested you come back to his place, to make sure you were somewhere safe when it happened. You agreed, saying you’d come by tomorrow after class. He looked forward to seeing you then, and told you to take care of yourself.

    You made it back to your apartment, happy to finally be home and unwind. You collapsed on the couch, reaching over for the TV remote only to not find it. You usually left it on the coffee table, but it wasn’t there. You checked on the couch, but nothing either. Then the TV turned on by itself. You slowly looked up at it, confused and frightened. When the channel changed you screamed, looking around your place frantically. You were alone, or at least you thought. A laugh suddenly filled your ears and you grew still. It sent a chill down your spine, especially cause you felt something vaguely familiar about it.

“Finally home.”

    You slowly turned around, finding a stranger leaning against the wall, twiddling a remote in his hand. Then you heard the floor creaking, seeing seven others appear, and you recognized some. Wooyoung from the race course, Yunho who drove you home that night, and the presumed student Yeosang. As all the lights were turned on you got a good look at everyone, beginning to recognize them all from the night you went to the street race gathering. You stood up in a panic, although there wasn’t much you could do as they had you surrounded. You reached for your phone only to have one of the boys grab your arm and take the phone from you. He tossed it over to Yeosang, who turned it off.

“Who… who are you, how did you get in here!”

“You really don’t remember anything, do you?”

“What?”

“But you’re about to, which means we don’t have to leave you alone anymore.”

“What… what are you talking about!?”

“It’ll make sense eventually. Let’s go.”

    Yunho came over and grabbed your other arm. You struggled against the two, but their grip was firm. While they held you another approached you, offering you a cocky grin before grabbing your head and exposing your neck. You felt a pinch, and then saw an empty needle moving away from your body, becoming fearful of the effects. Your heart was racing, but then you began to feel this exhaustion consuming you.

“No… no, please… please…”

    You tried fighting to free yourself, but it only made things worse. The edge of your vision started to go dark, and you were being dragged towards the door. You kept mumbling to be let go, but it did you no good, and the darkness eventually won.

❤

“Hmm…”

    As you began to regain consciousness you felt the restraints on your body. Your legs were tied together, as were your hands, and you were gagged and blind folded. You felt a cold surface beneath you, trying to move around and sit up. Although you froze when you heard a voice.

“Are you awake?”

    You didn’t answer, you didn’t move, but it was too late to pretend. You felt hands grab you and pull you up to your feet. You were shoved into a chair and then the blindfold was removed. It took a second for your eyes to adjust. You seemed to be in some type of garage, multiple cars around, and the eight from before surrounded you. Yeosang came up to remove the gag, and you didn’t scream, too frozen in fear.

“Goodness, you’re still so beautiful.” 

“What… what do you want… from me…”

“Isn’t the answer obvious?” One commented. “You.”

“Ma… me?”

“We could explain all of this, but with your memory returning there’s no point.”

“I don’t want my memory back…”

“But we do.”

“Just… just let me go… please…”

“Not gonna happen.” Yunho stated. “But you’ll be just fine with us.”

“No… no, please… let me go… I won’t say anything…”

“You don’t have to be afraid of us.”

“Let me go!”

“Stop asking.” Another snapped. “We’re not gonna let you go.”

“What do you want from me!?

“You!” Wooyoung yelled. “It’s so fucken annoying seeing you like this! This isn’t who you are!”

“Wa… what are you talking about?”

“Nine months ago you became a better person. You were fucken perfect! Then-”

“Easy there, Wooyoung.”

“Shut it, Jongho!”

“Ya! Both of you.” Another shouted. “We’re not here to fight among ourselves.”

    This gentleman came over to you, staring down at you and making you feel small. He laughed, the same from back at your apartment.

“It does hurt to see that I’m nothing but a stranger in your eyes right now. I didn’t really believe it at first when Seonghwa reported you had woken up with amnesia, so I sent some of my men to keep an eye on you. Yet every time you crossed paths with them, they were just strangers.”

“I… I don’t know who you are… any of you… and I don’t want to…”

“Well that’s too bad. Your little friend Chan got you involved, and you don’t get to walk away so easily.”

“How… how do you…”

“Once your memories come back everything will be clear.”

“No… I don’t want to remember…”

“But you will.”

“Fuck you!”

“Oh you did, all of us actually. I’d love to do it again.” He reached over and caressed your cheek. “Maybe that’ll help you remember.”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Fine. Let’s just go back to the beginning, shall we? Nine months ago you secretly followed your friend to a race. Care to guess how that went?”

“No… no, I don’t know…”

“Come on now, Wooyoung even told me he reenacted some things for you.”

“What…”

“You were so out of place, stood out like a sore thumb, you caught a lot of attention that night.”

“Stop talking…”

“We couldn’t help it, so we introduced ourselves, and brought you into our world.”

“Shut up!”

“I’m not going to!” 

    The boy grabbed your face and forced you to look at him. He was angry and sad, all mixed together and fighting for dominance. You just felt terror.

“I want my y/n back!”

“She’s not here!”

“But I will get her back.” He let you go and walked away. “If you’re not going to cooperate, then I’ll make you. It’s been months but you’re finally on the verge of regaining your memories. A little push shouldn’t hurt.”

“What are you talking about?”

    You saw the boy get something from one of the cars, a small case, and set it down on the hood. He opened it and you saw him hold up a small vial and a needle. You immediately began to struggle against your restraints, but it did nothing to help you. As he approached with a needle in hand you tried to move back, only for Wooyoung and another to come over and hold you still.

“This shouldn’t hurt, just open up your mind to remembering the past.”

“Stay away from me!”

“You’ll thank me later.”

    You felt the pinch of a needle again, your mind racing with possibilities. You had no idea what he had just given you or what the effects would be. Your head might explode in pain, or you’d simply pass. Although the gradual feeling of everything slowing down was certainly frightening. Things were fading from existence, and time seemed to melt. You tried to fight it, to stay awake, but there wasn’t anything to do as darkness swallowed you whole.

❤

Eight Months Ago…

“So this is your first big case?”

    Chan was always passionate about work, about justice, but you never imagined he’d take on such an assignment. Undercover work could take months, even years, but he was determined to do the job. Despite the confidentiality he shared a few details with you, after all, some of them were public knowledge.

“Yup. There’s been a string of robberies in nearby towns. From what we’ve gathered it seems these criminals have ties to illegal street racing.”

“Illegal street racing? Where does that connection come in?”

“They’re good drivers, very good, and you don’t see that with your average criminal.”

“True…”

“Besides that, a lot of these robberies happen in areas where these races have taken place. It’s still a theory, but there’s good enough evidence to pursue it.”

“So you’re going to participate in illegal street racing?”

“Yeah. I know where the gathering is tonight, so I gotta make a good first impression.”

“By yourself?”

“I’ve assembled my own crew.”

“Oh, can I go watch?”

“No.”

“What? Come on.”

“This is dangerous work, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But it sounds so fun!”

“And if you get arrested?”

“You can just bail me out.”

“Y/n.”

“No?”

“Please just stay out of this, and stay safe.”

“Alright fine, just don’t have so much fun without me.”

Chan chuckled. “I’ll try not to.”

    You kept your word about not getting involved. Although whenever you came over to his place you had to peek into his office to see what he had gathered. Not much as far as you understood, but you’d always enjoy listening to Chan give you a debrief. He probably shouldn’t be telling you about the operation, or even have contact with you while he was undercover. You didn’t want him to be alone though, especially if this assignment could take years. He probably should have objected, but he also didn’t want to completely lose touch with his actual life, especially the person he was closest to. Besides all that, it was good to voice his findings and get an outside perspective on things.

    For a while that was good enough, but curiosity was killing you. So one night you managed to put a tracking app on Chan’s phone, and followed him out to one of his races. You were a bit worried about how you were dressed, but upon arriving it seemed you’d fit right in. Or so you thought. Chan never wanted you there, so you had to be careful to avoid him, but you were also trying to find him. He was one of the racers, he had his own crew and everything, and you wanted to see him in action. You discovered there was a lot more going on here than just racing. It was like one big party with drinks and drugs, and all kinds of things.

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this.”

    You were lost in your own search that a strange voice startled you. The gentlemen immediately apologized and offered you a light bow. Although he kept a cocky grin on his face.

“First time?”

“Uh… is it that obvious?”

“Very. Are you alone?”

“Not exactly…”

“Makes sense. People don’t just wind up here without some sort of connection.”

“Yeah. I’m just looking for my friend.”

“Oh, who’s your friend, maybe I know them?”

“I doubt that.”

“Try me.”

“Chan?”

“Chan.”

“Yeah…”

“The leader of Stray Kids?”

“So you do know him?”

“Yeah, but you’re not gonna find him out here. Come on, I’ll take you to him.”

“Oh no, wait-”

    Before you could protest the guy grabbed your arm and pulled you along. You weren’t sure where he was taking you, or if it was a good idea to go along with them, but his grip was pretty firm. He led you over to this blocked off area, although the security posted let you both pass without any trouble. Soon enough you realized where he had taken you. There were cars all over the place, music blasting through the speakers, hoods popped open, and people talking about the cars. This is where the race crews hung out, and where they brought special guests.

“Guys, look what I found.”

“Oh shit, who’s the babe, Wooyoung?”

“This is… my bad, I never got your name.”

“It’s y/n.”

“Pretty. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Wooyoung, and these are my friends.”

    You were introduced to seven other boys, and they all seemed very happy to meet you. Although the leader came over to personally greet you.

“I’m Hongjoong.” The boy took your hand and kissed it. “Leader of this wonderful crew, Ateez.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“So tell me, what brings you out here tonight?”

“She was looking for her friend.” Wooyoung commented. “Chan.”

“Chan of Stray Kids?”

“That’s the one.”

“I didn’t know he had such good looking friends. Well that’s a lie, I’ve seen his crew, but I didn’t know he was hiding you.”

“He wasn’t really hiding me.” You corrected. “He just never invited me to one of his races before.”

“Well that’s rude. Why wouldn’t he invite you?”

“He just worries about me.”

“I guess I’d worry too if I had a friend like you.” Hongjoong laughed. “Come on, I believe Stray Kids are up next to race.”

    Hongjoong took your hand and led you over to the race course, taking you to a place with an elevated view. The rest of his crew gathered around, and you could see the cars driving up to the start line. The two revved their engines to hype up the crowd. You recognized Chan behind the wheel, becoming very excited to see this all play out.

“Who’s Chan racing against?”

“I don’t know, some random guy.” San replied. “It’s probably they’re first race against one of the big crews.”

“How many crews are there?”

“Uh, big ones, there are eight now. Everyone else is just trying to climb the ladder.”

“So how do you determine who’s on top?”

“Whoever has the most wins, and the crews’ skill behind the wheel.” Yunho explained. “No one ever really thought someone else would rise to the top, but Stray Kids really proved themselves.”

“So do the big eight ever race each other?”

“We do, but it’s usually a surprise, or for special occasions.”

“Wow, Chan has really been keeping a lot from me. I didn’t know he was so popular.”

“Stray Kids have skill, and there’s definitely natural talent there too.” Yeosang commented. “Although they’re quite stiff.”

“Stiff?”

“You know, cold and reserved. They’re good behind the wheel, but it kinda feels like they don’t fit in here.”

“Well maybe they need to loosen up.”

“Yeah?”

“This whole place looks like one big party. I would have thought Chan and his crew would fit right in.”

“Oh no, the real party happens elsewhere.”

“Does it?”

“Out here is where we come to race.” Seonghwa stated. “But if you want a party, I can send you an invite.”

“Really? Are Stray Kids going to be there?”

“You a big fan of theirs?”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind having some familiar faces around while I make new friends.”

“I suppose we should also give them a proper chance.” Jongho added. “See what they’re like off the track.”

“Sounds like fun.”

    You watched a few races before Ateez took you back over to their spot. Since you were new to all this they were very eager to show you their cars. Mingi brought you over to what he said was one of his favorites. He reclined back the driver’s seat so you could rest more comfortably on his lap. You kept an arm around his shoulders and listened intently as he told you about the car. As he revved the engine he had you bouncing up and down, making you giggle.

“You must like going fast.”

“That type of adrenaline, it’s intoxicating. Would you like a taste?”

“I don’t think I could drive a car like this.”

“You can be my passenger princess.”

“Isn’t it dangerous to have more than one person in the car?”

“Nah, that’s what makes it more fun.”

    You caught Mingi’s eyes lingering on your lips, and soon your eyes were doing the same. All of the Ateez members were quite beautiful, so anyone would be lucky to be sitting in Mingi’s lap right now, it just so happens to be you. Maybe you were imagining things, but you swear it looked like Mingi was leaning over to kiss you. That is before you got interrupted.

“Y/n?”

“Huh? Oh shit!”

    You heard your name being called, and when you looked over you saw Chan by the hood of the car. Your eyes went wide as you realized you got caught, especially in this type of situation. You tried to scramble out of the car, but Mingi already had his arm wrapped around your waist and held you in his lap.

“Mingi…”

“Chan?” Hongjoong peeked over at the scene. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, right!” Wooyoung suddenly yelled. “We were supposed to call you and tell you your friend was here.”

“Were you?”

“Mingi, please let go.”

    Thankfully Mingi let you go, and you got out of the car to meet Chan. He was keeping his cool, but you could see the anger in his eyes. You offered a shy smile and let him grab your arm, dragging you off to speak in private. You prepared yourself for the scolding you were about to receive.

“What the hell are you doing here!”

“Look… I can explain…”

“Did I not tell you to stay out of this! How did you even find me?”

“A tracking app…”

“A what!” Chan checked his phone. “Unbelievable.”

“I know… you should take better care of your phone.”

“Y/n!”

“Sorry… I just got really curious about your case… I couldn’t help myself.”

“How long have you been here?”

“A couple hours… I saw you race too.”

“Seriously?”

“Sorry.”

Chan sighed. “Fine, whatever, you got what you wanted, now go home and don’t come back.”

“But I can help.”

“I told you I don’t want you too.”

“Well you need me to.”

“What?”

“I was chatting with Ateez and they told me about you and your crew. You worked your way up to the top, and they recognize you have talent, but they don’t like you all that much.”

“The social game is a work in progress.”

“Well I’ve given you a great chance.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ateez mentioned something about a party tomorrow, outside the track, and they want me to come. So I convinced them to invite you too, that way you can all break the ice.”

“…”

“You’re welcome.”

“Y/n, this is fucken dangerous!”

“I know, and I’m being careful, alright. I didn’t approach them, they approached me, so that already puts me in a good position to gain their trust.”

“I don’t need you to help me out here.”

“But I can give you an advantage. Why wouldn’t these guys want to show off to some pretty girl? They’ll tell me things without hesitation, and that includes the illegal shit. Someone might just let something slip about those robberies around me, and they wouldn’t even be worried.”

Chan took a moment. “No. No this is too dangerous and you-”

“Please. I don’t want you wasting years of your life in all this. If I can help you gain the trust of the other crews here, or get you some valuable intel, let me.”

“I don’t want you in danger.”

“I’ll be careful, and I’ll stay within my own comfort zone. If I don’t like something, I’ll leave, I promise.”

“Y/n-”

“I promise.”

“Fine… fine, but don’t do anything reckless.”

“I won’t.”

    Even if Chan agreed to let you help him, he was still worried about you. So every now and then he’d check in and ask if you were alright, always reminding you that you could walk away whenever you wanted to. The reassurance was great, but you wanted to stick with him and see all this to the end. Being invited to that party was what really opened the door for both of you. Chan drove you to the place, and you were left in shock. You rolled up to a mansion, music blaring loudly, party lights illuminating the windows, it felt like something out of a movie. For a moment you thought how they could do such a thing without issue, and then remembered the long drive to get out here. There was no one else for miles and miles.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you could make it!”

    Seonghwa and Hongjoong greeted you upon your arrival, big smiles on their faces. Then they acknowledged Chan and the rest of Stray Kids. There was a bit of awkwardness in the air, but you figured some drinks and a party could loosen them all up. The two led you all inside, showing you where to get drinks, and where the entrance to the backyard was. There was a pool and you took note of that for next time.

“Come on, I want to show you around.” 

    Seonghwa took your hand and led you through the house. You knew Chan would probably worry about you, but you had your phone on you, and had promised to leave with him. So you’d see him again later in the night. You were honestly impressed by everything Seonghwa showed you, it was all so extravagant. Although when he led you upstairs you got a bit nervous.

“Should we be going up here?”

“No place is off limits, besides, it’s my house.”

“Wait, this is your place?”

“Yup.” Seonghwa chuckled. “Did you think we rented out a mansion for the party?”

“I… I don’t know… but… it’s huge… I can’t imagine how much it cost.”

“Plus the renovations.”

“Renovations?”

“Trying to increase the value. We’re planning on moving out in the next couple months.”

“Why? Did you find a better place than this?”

“Something like that.”

“Seriously though, how can you afford this? Who even are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Street racing doesn’t pay the bills.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Wait, do you guys make bets?”

Seonghwa laughed. “Of course. You think the people gather just to look at the pretty cars?”

“I… how much do you bet?”

“In the thousands, tens of thousands, but I do come from a rich family. Most of the racers from the big crews do.”

“Oh, do your parents know what you do?”

“They don’t care about me.” Seonghwa’s voice got somber. “They never did.”

“Neither do mine…”

“You? What kind of family do you come from?”

“An average one. We weren’t wealthy but we lived well. I was a good student, but I guess that was expected of me so my parents never really told me that they were proud… I got into Uni on a full ride, but that was expected too… I honestly did it so I wouldn’t owe them anything…”

“Do you still keep in touch?”

“Not really…”

“Me neither. Not like they’d be proud of me anyway.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“What?”

You giggled. “You’re quite famous in the racing scene, aren’t you? I haven’t seen you behind the wheel yet, but I’m sure you’re great. After all, you’re part of the big eight.”

“You’re funny.”

    Seonghwa brought you into one of the rooms on the second floor, his own, and took you out onto the balcony. You could see the party below, loving the atmosphere from the whole place. It was a nice view.

“This is a good little place to get away.”

“Yup, just the two of us.”

    You didn’t notice at first, but Seonghwa stepped away for a moment to bring over a bottle and two glasses. He poured you and himself a drink.

“Shall we toast?” You asked.

“To what?”

“Well, this may sound silly, but even if no one else is proud of me, I am. So I hope you can be proud of yourself too.”

“Proud?”

“Not everyone can be a street racer, right?” You leaned in close to whisper. “And I’m pretty sure you’ve avoided the police a lot.”

    Seonghwa scoffed and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. His actions caught you by surprise, and when you saw his face you could see a soft little smile on his lips.

“To us.” He raised his glass. “For being proud of ourselves when no one else will.”

“To us!”

    You needed to be mindful not to drink so much. Even if the point of a party is to have fun, you were kinda working here. So you stayed with Seonghwa for a bit, just sticking to one glass and talking. You asked how he got involved in the racing scene, genuinely curious but also trying to get information. He didn’t mind, telling you that at first he had done so to get his parents attention. Buying expensive cars, especially those designed to go fast. It got him nothing, so he thought to get in trouble with the law but that’s when he met Hongjoong. The boy recognized the style of car he had and asked if he could race. At the time the answer was no, but Hongjoong took him under his wing and now here he was.

“You’re such a bad boy.”

“I hear girls are into that.”

“As long as they have a heart of gold.”

“Do I qualify?”

“I’m not sure.”

    You suddenly heard the door open, and you both peeked into the room to see another boy stumbling in. He noticed you two and smiled.

“My bad, looking for the bathroom.”

“On the second floor?” Seonghwa questioned.

“First floor is occupied with a little line.”

“Ah, well my bathroom is right there.”

“Thanks.”

    The boy stumbled his way over to the bathroom. He did seem vaguely familiar to you, so you asked Seonghwa.

“Do you know him?”

“Yeah. That’s Younghoon from The Boyz.”

“The boys?”

“Boyz, with a Z, but yeah. He was racing last night.”

“Oh, yeah, I saw him. The Boyz are a big group.”

“Eleven drivers, although the biggest would be NCT.”

“NCT?”

“It’s rare to see them all on the course, but they got different groups among themselves.”

“Damn… so besides them The Boyz are the biggest?”

“No, that would be Seventeen.”

“There’s a group with seventeen members?”

“No, the group name is Seventeen, but there are thirteen members.”

“Then why are they called Seventeen?”

“I’m not good at explaining, but we can go find one of them and ask.”

“Sure.”

    You liked the idea of socializing, getting to know more people so you’re not so much of an outcast anymore. Although as you were heading out Younghoon came out of the bathroom.

“Hold on, who’s the girl?”

“This is y/n, she’s new on the scene.”

“Makes sense. I haven’t seen such a pretty face. The name’s Younghoon.”

“Nice to meet you. I saw you race yesterday, you’re good.”

“Thanks. If you ever want a ride, just let me know.”

    Younghoon came over to you and took your hand, Seonghwa immediately grabbing your other one. He just made Younghoon laugh as he took out a pen and wrote down his number on your arm and signed his name.

“Call me.”

“I’m sure I will.”

    Seonghwa did end up taking you to meet some of the other drivers, and you may have gotten another handful of drinks along the way. Things did get blurry, but you had pieces of coherence every now and then. You remembered being on the dance floor with Wooyoung and Yeosang for a bit before getting pulled into a drinking game. Then there was the charades after a quick dunk in the pool, you wound up in some of Yunho’s clothes afterward. Although you swear you’ve never had so much fun in one night. As daylight began to peek over the horizon the people began to disperse, but some remained. You wound up slow dancing in the backyard with San for a while before passing out. Of course you weren’t staying over, but you needed to be laid down to rest. You weren’t able to relay that message to Chan, so in the morning he was looking around for you.

“Ya, Hongjoong, have you seen y/n?”

“Uh… she should be upstairs, I think they put her down in Jongho’s room, fifth door on the right.”

“Thanks.”

    Chan made his way upstairs, and gently knocked on the door before opening it. He walked in to find you curled up on the bed, cuddling with Jongho and mumbling.

“You’re like a teddy bear… can I take you home…”

Jongho giggled. “You can just stay with me.”

“Hm… that’s not a bad idea.”

“Y/n, we have to go.” Chan said. “Come on.”

    Jongho helped you up, getting you on your feet and going down with Chan to make sure you were alright. You said your goodbyes to Ateez, and thanked them for the party. You hoped to see them again soon. Chan got you into the back of the car and sat with you, Minho driving and Felix passed out in the passenger seat.

“That was so fun… did you not drink?”

“Someone needed to keep their head.” Chan explained. “Minho and Seungmin didn’t drink either.”

“Boo, next time you should have fun.”

“I see you sure did. What’s with all the phone numbers on your arms?”

“Oh… just gathering intel… I have more numbers on my phone… you can probably do something with them, right?”

“You… how many…” Chan grabbed your arm. “That was dangerous.”

“It wasn’t my idea… Younghoon liked me and gave me his number… then some others wanted to add to it.” You chuckled and started pointing out names. “This is Woozi, oh and here’s Jungwoo, that’s Jaeyoon… Yeonjun wrote his number on my arm somewhere…”

“Did she just do months of work in one night?” Minho questioned. 

“I guess.” Chan commented.

“Some things require a woman’s touch and I have more numbers on my phone.” You added. “Was running out of room on my arms, but Jooheon was happy to be the first to be in my contacts list. Look, he sent me a cute winky face message.”

“You really outdid yourself.”

“Hm… plus I got other things too… a lot of them come from wealthy families… a chaebol here and there… I didn’t know you guys bet money…”

“The illegal stuff isn’t just the racing.”

“How much do you have?”

“Enough to play.”

“You gotta tell me about these things.”

“How about a proper debrief when you’re sober. You should rest, you did a lot tonight.”

“Hm… yeah…”

❤

    After that first party a lot of things changed. Now you were in the loop about the case and the progress that was being made. With the information you gathered you were able to learn more about the racers, and who they were outside the track. Although that created a new issue.

“If these guys are our main suspects, then the question becomes why.” Changbin wondered. “The racing I get. A bunch of bored rich kids having fun, but committing crimes? They already have money, so what’s the point?”

“It’s the thrill.” Minho stated. “To do something illegal and then run away from the cops.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure even if they got caught they’d still walk free. So I ask again, why?”

“Maybe it’s just fun for them.” Jeongin said. “A game they play, or something they do just to see if they can. Like you said there won’t really be any consequences for them.”

“That alone creates a problem for us.” Chan reminded. “If there is no real motive behind these cromes, then there is no pattern to their actions. We can’t really get the upper hand on them, so we’d just have to wait for them to make a mistake. Which isn’t ideal. How are we with checking alibis?” 

“That’s a game in itself.” Jisung sighed. “We’ve got five robberies so far, and a long list of suspects. Thankfully they’re rather public figures so some of their alibis are out in the open.”

“Anybody clear?”

“Not all the way. Some still have no solid alibi for some nights, not to mention we don’t even know how big the group of criminals is.”

“Does anybody stand out to you?”

“Not really…”

“Are we even making progress?” Seungmin asked. “It doesn’t feel like it. I mean we could be completely wrong about these guys.”

“What about style?” You suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“You told me that you were investigating the street racers cause the drivers at the crime scene were exceptionally good. Most drivers have their own style, or certain things they do behind the wheel. Is there any way you could try to compare the two, and see if anyone matches up?”

“Hm… there isn’t really footage of the illegal racing.” Hyunjin commented. “But if we study the CCTV footage of the car chases, we might be able to do an onsite comparison based on our memory. It could help us narrow down the list and give us a better idea who to focus on. Great idea y/n.”

“Happy to help.”

“You should have been with us from the start.” Felix added. “You’re good at this.”

“Well someone didn’t want me helping.”

“I still don’t really like this.” Chan said. “But you have been a big help, so thanks.”

“No problem.”

    Chan did have to draw the line at the CCTV footage. You could probably find it on the internet yourself, but he wasn’t going to let you look at police evidence. You were fine with that, it would be easier to just get close to some of the racers and see what you could get out of them. So you did just that, going to races when you could, but your education still took priority.

“Y/n! There you are! I didn’t see you last time.”

“I had an exam to study for. Couldn’t risk coming out and getting wasted.”

“You could have let us know you had a curfew.”

“But would you follow it?”

“Maybe…”

“Exactly.” 

    You got along well with all the racers, even those who weren’t in the big eight. Especially considering you were always in their area, considered more one of them than just another spectator in the crowd here to drink and bet. Stray Kids always drove you here and took you home, so you really just had to show up and enjoy yourself. Out of everyone though, Ateez seemed to like you the most, and they’d always find you when you were around.

“You really take school seriously.” 

“Of course. I’m trying to build my life here.”

“Or you could just settle down with me.” Yunho suggested. “I promise I’ll take good care of you.”

“Yeah? Well, I appreciate the offer but I must decline.”

“Come on, why? I’m good looking, I got money, I-”

“I don’t know you.”

“What?”

“Outside this life, I’m not sure who Jeong Yunho is.”

“Then perhaps you should get to know him.”

“Hm…”

“What’s going on over here?” Mingi asked, coming between you two. “Y/n, good to see you, missed you last time. I was racing and really wanted you to ride with me.”

You chuckled. “Some other time then. Although I might pass out. You guys go too fast.”

“That’s part of the thrill.”

“I guess I’ll see one day.”

    You wound up over with Ateez for the night, having a drink and relaxing on the hood of one of their cars. Even out there you could see the stars in the sky. You always enjoyed star gazing, but in a place like this it was far from quiet, and dangerous. You were just talking with San when suddenly you heard yelling, and the sound of sirens in the distance.

“Fuck, it’s the cops. We gotta go.”

“Cops?”

“Come on.”

    Hongjoong grabbed you and pulled you off the hood of the car, shoving you into the backseat. San was already behind the wheel, and once Hongjoong was in the passenger seat you began to move. You could barely sit up properly in the back, the car going so fast so quickly, it made you nervous.

“Can you… like slow down or something…”

“Gotta outrun the cops.” San apologized. “I don’t feel like spending a night in jail, or getting my baby impounded.”

“Alright then…”

“You good back there baby?” Hongjoong asked.

“Yeah… yeah… I didn’t know cars could go this fast…”

“Well hold on tight.”

    Somehow you managed to get your seat belt on, and kept your head low. You were definitely scared but this was also quite exhilarating.

“Do you guys do this often?”

“What? Run from the cops?” San questioned.

“Yeah…”

“Maybe more than most.”

“Those pigs rarely find us racing.” Hongjoong said. “But I guess even they get lucky sometimes.” 

    You almost hit your head a few times on the journey, but when San swerved off the main road into a parking garage without warning, you smashed your face against the headrest of the seat in front of you.

“Y/n! Are you okay!?”

    Hongjoong quickly got out of the car and checked on you, seeing you had a bit of a nosebleed. San had also gotten out, looking into the back.

“Look what you did!”

“We got away, didn’t we!”

“I’m fine.” You assured. “Did I get any blood on your seats?”

“Who cares about that.”

“It’s expensive…”

“Cars can be fixed, can’t say the same about people. Come on, get some fresh air.”

    You got out of the car, San coming over to hand you some tissues to clean up the blood. They were really worried about you, but you were fine. Now that the immediate danger had passed, you found yourself smiling.

“That was insane. You guys really know how to drive. I could never imagine outrunning the cops. I guess it’s not just about being fast.”

“It’s a whole other world behind the wheel.” San said. “Sorry this is how you got a taste.”

“At least I’m not in a jail cell, right?”

“Exactly.”

    You all hung around for about an hour to let the heat die down. Then you drove back to the Ateez house, meeting up with the rest of the crew and a few others who had escaped the police. That’s when you got a call from Chan and told him that you were alright and with Ateez. He said he’d come by to get you, so just wait for him.

“You know you could just stay the night.” Wooyoung suggested. “We got plenty of room for you.”

“I appreciate that, but I have classes in the morning.”

“We can take you.”

“If I show up in one of your dope ass cars, I will get so many questions.”

“Are you not already the center of attention at school?”

“I go to a big university, plenty of other people get more attention than me.”

“Then they’re all blind.” Mingi yelled. “You are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Stop it before I die of embarrassment.”

    You played a few games while you waited around for Chan. Despite their desire for you to stay, you couldn’t, and said you would some other time. You wished the good night and went on your way with Chan. Once you were alone with him you had questions.

“What the hell was that tonight?”

“What?”

“The cops showing up?”

“You think I control all the police? Sometimes they get wind of a race and come to arrest people. Also, not every other cop in the area knows we’re undercover. This was bound to happen.”

“And if I got caught?”

“I would bail you out.”

“Now you say that.”

“Well now you’re part of the team. Besides, a lot of people split up, us included. It was a good opportunity to see what these guys look like driving away from the police.”

“True.”

“Are you okay though? What’s with the blood?”

“Oh, minor nosebleed. I’m fine, just a bit scared by the whole thing.”

“I should have warned you better about that.”

“It’s fine. Made me blend in with my clueless friend cover.”

“So, Ateez again?”

“They like me. Not the best idea to put all my eggs in one basket I know, but if I get close to at least one crew, I can get them to spill tea on the others. You’re still the new ones, but the others might know about the robberies and who’s carrying them out.”

“Perhaps. Just don’t do anything dangerous.”

“I know, I know.”

    Undercover work was more of a night job for you, so during the day you lived your life as normal. You’d text some of the other racers throughout the day, acting like friends, but there wasn’t much else. You thought you could keep these lives separate, but they had other plans.

“Y/n!”

    You were heading off campus to go home when a car honk and your name being called caught your attention. You looked over to see Jongho waving at you excitedly, Seonghwa leaning against the car. Your eyes went wide in surprise, and Jongho hurried over to you.

“Done for the day?”

“I… yeah… how did you find me? I don’t think I ever told you-”

“When you know the right people you can find anyone. Also money, come on, I bet you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Oh, well-”

“The others are waiting.”

    You couldn’t argue with Jongho as he took your hand and led you to the car. There really was no way to say no, so you went along. They took you to a restaurant, meeting up with the rest of Ateez there. The boys were happy to see you, asking about your day and listening intently. The restaurant you were at was quite fancy, and there weren’t even prices on the menu. They of course told you not to worry, that everything was on them and you should just enjoy yourself.

“What do you guys even do with your free time? Don’t you all have lives?”

“Is that meant to be an insult?” Yunho questioned.

“No, no, of course not. I just… you all had some time today to take me out to dinner. One or two of you would make sense, but all eight of you? What do you do when you’re not behind the wheel?”

“Whatever we want.” Wooyoung said. “Watch TV, go out into town, shop, legally drive.”

“All of you?”

“More or less.” Hongjoong added. “And we hang out with each other.”

“Don’t you have… family responsibilities? Some of you-”

“Not really.” Seonghwa cut in. “Our parents rarely see us as a good fit for anything.”

“Oh… sorry… I didn’t mean to pry… I’m a bit jealous though, about the freedom you have.”

“Jealous?”

“You do as you please everyday, no financial worries, or worries about what your future will look like. It can be whatever you want, and you can change your mind at any time.”

“You’re talking about stability.” Jongho corrected. “Which isn’t out of reach for you, or anyone. You’re studying and making plans for your future. One day you’ll have your career and everything you could want.”

“But there’s no guarantee for me. You guys were born with stability… I have to try…”

“Does it worry you that much?” Mingi asked. “Your future?”

“Yeah…”

“But you’re so young. There’s still so much life for you. Studying and making plans, it sounds like where you’re supposed to be. It’s rare to have everything put together at your age.”

“I guess…”

“Hey, let’s just focus on today.” Yeosang said. “We’re all together sharing a meal, and each other’s company. You always gotta enjoy the little things.”

“You’re right about that.”

    They all shifted the topic over to happier things, ultimately picking up your mood. Dinner wasn’t the only plan for the night. So you wound up with drinks and karaoke, letting the time split away in a haze of joy. You don’t know when you finally left, but you didn’t go home. 

“Is there a party at your place tonight?”

“No. Do you want there to be?” San asked. 

“No… nobody else needs to come.”

“No? How come?”

“Cause I want you all to myself.”

    You vaguely remembered being drunk in the back of a car with San. You were leaning against, your breath against his neck, and he was looking at you like you were the only thing in the world. His eyes lingered on your lips, and he couldn’t help himself. San leaned in to kiss you, and you kissed back. The two of you got closer, deepening the kiss, and then you roughly got pulled away.

“I want a turn.”

    Wooyoung tasted differently, but his kiss was just as deep. San wasn’t just going to sit back, coming in close, his lips against your neck. You’ve never really had attention like that before, so you were quite happy.

“Take it easy back there.” Yunho commented. “Don’t distract me.”

“Keep your eyes on the road.” Mingi stated. “We’ll get a turn later.”

    When the car came to a stop Wooyoung and San were pulled away from you. Next thing you knew Yunho was helping you out and then carrying you in his arms.

“You’re not drunk.”

“I had to drive, remember?”

“Hm… that’s sad…”

“I can drink now that we’re home.”

“Yeah?”

“Will you drink with me?”

“Sure. I can go for another round.”

“Ya, ya.” Hongjoong interrupted. “We’re not trying to give you alcohol poisoning, baby. No more drinks for you.”

“Come on… need even orange juice?”

“Juice is fine, but nothing alcoholic.”

“Yes captain!”

    You giggled and held on to Yunho, going into the house and to the kitchen. He set you down on the counter, getting a glass and some bottles. You reached for one but Yeosang took it from you.

“What did we say?”

“I just wanted to pour Yunho a drink.”

“Hm… I can do that.”

“Okay.”

    Yeosang gave you a chaste kiss on your cheek. He had a few drinks with Yunho, and you enjoyed your juice. You couldn’t really keep up with the conversation, but they found your babbling cute. You didn’t know how long you stayed up, but more came to join in, and you could vaguely remember the soft kisses and hands all over your body. It all felt so nice you never wanted it to end, but your body had to tap out at some point.

❤

“Hm…”

    You took in a soft breath as you came to, stretching your limbs while in bed, slowly waking up. When you opened your eyes the peace of the morning was shot down. You didn’t recognize the room you were in, which means you weren’t home. You quickly got out of bed, only to stumble to the ground, your legs a bit shaky. You weren’t in your own clothes either, instead wearing your panties and an oversized shirt, no bra either.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

    Wasn’t hard to imagine what had happened. You looked around the room, finding some pants, they fit well enough, and some shoes to put on. None of this was your own but you needed to move. Thankfully your phone was on the nightstand, and you started looking into calling yourself a ride. You carefully peeked out the room, seeing the empty hall. By now there was no doubt where you were. It was the Ateez house, and you could not remember last night.

“Morning.”

    You were creeping down the hall when you heard a voice and immediately froze. You slowly turned around, giving Mingi a shy wave.

“Hi…”

“You’re just in time for breakfast, come on.”

“I should really get going though… uh, where are my clothes?”

“In the dryer. You spilled some juice on yourself.”

“Oh… right…”

“You don’t remember?”

“Last night’s a blur for me right now… and I don’t-”

“We didn’t do anything.”

“Huh?”

“We didn’t fuck you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I… I…”

“Not that we wouldn’t, but we’d rather you be sober.”

“Oh…”

“We did kiss you up and down though.”

“Uh…”

“Come on, breakfast.”

    Mingi took your hand and led you downstairs to the dining room. The other boys greeted you, Seonghwa and Yunho setting up the table.

“Can I help with anything?”

“Just take a seat, we got this.” Seonghwa smiled.

“Thanks…”

    Everything smelled so good, and you were quite amazed by the fact they could cook. Yeosang and Jongho served you, making sure you got the best of everything.

“Are you feeling alright?” Hongjoong asked. “I got some hangover soup for you if you need it.”

“I’m okay, not as bad as I could be.”

“I’m glad.”

“So then… this is dumb… but you all really live here together?”

“Yeah, our shared space away from responsibilities and family and all that nonsense.” Wooyoung said. “You’re more than welcome to move in, we’d love to have you.”

“Oh no, I doubt I could pay rent for a place like this. Besides, Seonghwa told me you guys were planning to move soon.”

“Right… forgot about that…”

“Besides… last night… why didn’t you take me home?”

“Cause you were drunk.” Yunho explained. “We couldn’t just leave you alone. You’re also assuming we know where you live.”

“Right… sorry…”

“We do, but it’s more about you being alone.”

“You were also sucking face with San and Wooyoung,” Mingi added. “So it’d be mean to send you home alone.”

You felt your face start to burn. “Uh… I… um…”

“Don’t tease her.” Jongho said. “Last night was enough fun for everyone.”

“I hear venom in those words.” San chuckled. “Is it cause she was in my room and not yours?”

“Watch it.”

“That’s not how you speak to your hyung.”

“Guys, calm down.” Yeosang stated. “Can we just enjoy breakfast together?”

“Fine.”

“Good. Y/n, I’ll take you home after this.”

“Ya! No fair!”

You giggled. “Thanks, Yeosang.”

    After breakfast your clothes were dry, so you were good to go. The boys packed you some hangover cures, but of course San and Wooyoung tagged along to drop you off.

“Thanks for last night, it was a lot of fun, even if somethings are hazy.”

“No problem, just let us know if you need anything.” Yeosang assured. “Get some rest.”

“You too.”

    It was certainly strange to spend time with Ateez outside of the racing, and parties, but it was also nice. Outside of being suspects in a criminal case, they were good people and their heart seemed to be in the right place. You didn’t tell Chan about this, knowing he’d be worried about you spending time with Ateez unsupervised. The problem is this wasn’t a one time thing. You began to see Ateez more often. Some would come by for lunch, or find you around campus and just spend time with you. Little by little, visit by visit, they felt more like friends than anything else. Although you couldn’t hide it forever. The chemistry that others would see at the track spoke for itself.

“Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure.”

    You had been spectating a race with Hongjoong when Chan came over, pulling you away. You went over to his area, getting into one of his cars. The windows were tinted, and he put on some music to fill the silence.

“What’s up? I don’t think we should be talking-”

“What’s going on between you and Ateez?”

“Uh… well…”

“All of a sudden you seem real close to them.”

“I did say it was a good idea to get close with one group and see-”

“How close?”

“What?”

“Have you slept with them?”

“Chan!”

“I’m serious. Socializing and gathering information is one thing, but if you’ve crossed a line-”

“I cannot believe you’d ask this!”

“These guys are suspected criminals!”

“And when was the last time a robbery was committed? What if your crew moved on and you’re all just here driving in circles? Did you think about that?!”

“Y/n, these people are dangerous, criminals or not, and I don’t want you getting so mixed up with them.”

“Well I’m not sleeping with them, okay? And these guys are just normal people! Just cause your suspected criminals are good drivers, doesn’t mean they do this illegal street racing stuff. Maybe they’re normal race car drivers, have you looked into that? Or maybe they don’t race at all besides the-”

“Enough!”

“…”

“I’m taking you home, and I want you out of my case, understood?”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“Am I clear!”

“Crystal! And I’ll take myself home!”

    Before Chan could yell some more you got out of the car, slamming the door. You stormed off, heading out of the VIP area and into the regular crowd. You just needed to get to the main road and could get a ride from there.

“Y/n-”

“Leave me-”

    While you were on the move you suddenly felt someone grab your arm. You quickly yanked yourself free, beginning to yell but stopping when you realized it was Mingi.

“Sorry, I didn’t… sorry…”

“Are you alright? I saw you storming off and leaving the race course.”

“I’m just not feeling well, so I’m heading home early.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear. I can take you home, it’d be better-”

“No, it’s alright.”

“I insist. I don’t like the idea of you going home alone at this hour.”

“Mingi-”

“Please. Maybe we should get some ice cream first.”

You chuckled. “That’s not a bad idea.”

    You went with Mingi, waiting for him as he brought his car around. He was serious about the ice cream, finding a place still open and getting you a sweet treat.

“Are you seriously okay?”

“Well I’m feeling better now.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing really. It’s just… Chan really doesn’t like me being around all this stuff… the racing and all that…”

“Does he not like us?”

“Honestly… I don’t think he does…”

“I get your childhood friends, but you’re your own person, and capable of making your own decisions.”

“I know, he knows, but he still worries.”

“I would too. So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know… but I have a lot to think about.”

    You stayed with Mingi for a while, small conversations and silence, just appreciating his company. Looking back you probably shouldn’t have yelled at Chan like that, but thinking about that whole conversation frustrated you all over again. Maybe you both overreacted, or it was just you. Either way you weren’t sure what you should do, for now you just wanted to ignore everything, and Mingi knew that. So instead of taking you home as he said, he took you back to his own place. Telling you it was probably best to go somewhere Chan wouldn’t find you immediately, giving you both some proper space.

    You thanked Mingi for his thoughtfulness, and ultimately passed out in his room. He had informed the rest of his crew that you were in the house so they wouldn’t be surprised when they got home. Also to ease any worries if anyone asked about you, not that they would say where you were. The boys were happy to see you in the morning, acting like you had stayed over and not talking about the night prior. You were grateful for that, remembering that Ateez were just as much your friends as Chan and the rest of Stray Kids were. You could make your own decisions about the company you kept.

“Y/n, your birthday is coming up.”

“What? How did you-”

“It’s us.” Yunho smiled. “How could we not know?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“So, got any plans?”

“Uh, well, not really, haven’t thought about it. My friends usually throw me a semi-surprise party.”

“How about this year you spend it with us?” Seonghwa suggested. “We’ll throw you a big party right here.”

“Yeah! We’ll invite everyone, and have a big cake, and lots of presents.” Wooyoung added. “It’ll be great!”

“I don’t know…”

“It’ll be fun, the best birthday party ever.” Yeosang said. “If you want that is, we won’t push it, but you should let us treat you for your special day too.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“A big party would be way more fun.” San mentioned. “So think hard about it.”

“I-”

    Your phone started ringing, halting the conversation. When you looked at the caller ID you saw it was Chan, getting nervous. You got up and stepped away from the table, going into the room next over.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m at your place, could you let me in? So we can talk?”

“Uh… about that… I’m not home right now…”

“Not… where are you?”

“Just… uh, just a friend’s place.”

“Friend? Don’t tell me you’re with Ateez?”

“And if I am?”

“What did we talk about last night?”

“We didn’t talk, you yelled at me.”

“Cause I’m worried about you being alone with these guys. Suspects or not, they are not a good influence on you.”

“And you are? Look at the company you keep.”

“That’s part of-”

“Whatever. I’m going home now anyway, please don’t be there when I arrive.”

    You hung up without waiting to hear him speak. You were already upset about last night, and this wasn’t helping.

“You okay?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t sound too happy.” Hongjoong admitted, having followed you. “Everything alright?”

“I guess. I have to get home, so thanks for breakfast.”

“I’ll drop you off, your house, promise this time.”

“Fine.”

    It was better to get a ride than to call for one. No one else tagged along this time, as Hongjoong didn’t let them. He took you home as he said, although when you got there you noticed Chan’s car, meaning he was waiting for you.

“Y/n?”

“You know what, let’s have that party.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup.”

“Great. We’ll take care of everything, so don’t worry. We’ll pick you up on your special day.”

“Thanks.”

“Take care.”

“You too.”

    You thanked Hongjoong for the ride, going up to your apartment. As you feared Chan was there waiting for you. There was silence between you until you were both inside.

“You were supposed to go home last night.”

“Mingi had other ideas. Took me out for ice cream first, and I didn’t want to come back here.”

“You could have let me know.”

“And have you show up at their place in the morning? No thanks.”

“Look, about last night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry. I worry about you getting involved with them and if-”

“That’s the key word, if. Look, I get Ateez is on your list of suspects, and all I’m doing is gathering information. I don’t intend to stay friends with them if they’re found guilty, or not. This is just part of the job, right?”

“Except it was never your job to take on.”

“I volunteered for this, so you don’t bear the responsibility here.”

“I let you, so I do. And I was serious about you stepping away.”

“And how exactly do you think I should do that? All those guys know me, they like me.”

“Just tell them you’re focusing on school. Distance yourself and I’m sure they’ll just forget.”

“I guess…”

“Are we good?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. I’ll get going then, since I know you didn’t want to see me right now.”

“Bingo. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

    Of course you didn’t entirely listen to Chan. You knew he had a point, and you didn’t exactly lie when you said you’d cut ties with these people once the job was done. That wasn’t now though. They were your friends and you wanted to maintain the relationship. Especially considering what happened. A few days later it was on the news. A robbery had taken place, and this time the criminals had left behind a message. You rushed over to Chan’s place once you saw the news. He didn’t want to share information, but he couldn’t stop you once you were through the door.

“So you have a name now?”

“Yes. The graffiti left behind was a black flag with a skull and crossbones along with a name, the Black Pirates.”

“So that’s who’s been behind the last few robberies.”

“It seems so.”

“And for your information, they are street racers.” Minho added. “So you were spot on about comparing the driving styles.”

“Really? Who do they match?”

“The juries still out on that, but the way they moved is similar to what we’ve seen in the races.”

“We also got a number this time.” Felix stated. “From what the cameras picked up before they got taken out there seems to be eight pirates.”

“Eight? So wouldn’t that rule out the smaller groups like Mons-”

“Not exactly.” Jeongin cut in. “Just cause we saw eight this time, doesn’t mean there’s always been eight.”

“But it would make sense. There’s always been two getaway cars.”

“There could be some members of the Black Pirates that don’t participate in illegal street racing.” Hyunjin explained. “Or vice versa, given there are groups with more than eight members, like NCT. They could alternate depending on the hit, or have outside help.”

“So we don’t really have much.”

“We know we’re looking in the right place.” Seungmin said. “Now it’s just about finding the evidence, and catching the culprit.”

“So it is progress.”

“Any bit is better than none.”

    That was good to hear, even if this whole operation was now months in. At least they knew that this wasn’t all a waste and they were on the right track. That in itself must be a huge relief to them, for you too actually. You may not really understand the danger, especially when they first started. Surely getting in must have been a lot of trouble on its own. Still, you had your own things to focus on. It was your special day after all, and you were quite excited. Your friends usually threw you a party, which meant you needed to tell them about this year’s plans. You were going to, but when you brought up your birthday they said they got the invites already.

    Apparently Ateez had already invited all your friends, and they were very excited about the party this year. They had lots of questions regarding your new friends, but promised to bother you about it later because today was your day. Classes weren’t that difficult, and you planned to go home and get dressed, but there were other plans. As you were making your way off campus you were surprised to find Mingi and Yunho waiting for you. There were already plans in place for your special day, and that started with some shopping. You should premiere a new outfit at your party, and they were gonna take care of everything.

    You couldn’t really say no, even once you saw the price tags. They took you to some high class stores, places you’d never shop at normally. At first Mingi tried to hide the price tags from you, telling you to pick what you liked, but you couldn’t help it. You thought you were dreaming when you saw the zeroes, but they told you money wasn’t a problem. Took a lot of coaxing, and they told you this was basically your present. They wanted you to look nice, for your beauty to shine, and it would be unfair to deny them that. So you caved, and looked only at the styles and found something you liked.

    The boys had you walk out in your new outfit, and had a few others to change into later in the night. From there you went over to the house, and you were left in awe as you stood at the front door. The place was mostly decorated, some people still working on the final touches, but it looked insane. Everything practically screamed Happy Birthday at you, and it honestly felt so surreal. The rest of the boys came over to give you birthday wishes and ask you how everything looked. It was incredible already. The snacks and food laid out on the tables, all the party games they had scattered around the house too. You had never been to such a party. Even the previous events they had before was nothing compared to this.

“I have to ask… you invited my friends… how did you get their numbers?”

“We just borrowed your phone for a bit.” Yeosang admitted.

“When?”

“Sometime ago.”

“But-”

“That’s not the concern right now. If you have anything more to do to get ready, go ahead.” Seonghwa suggested. “You can use my room.”

    Seonghwa took your shopping bags and led you up to his place. It was still early so the party wouldn’t be starting soon. You were pretty much ready to go aside from some makeup, but you held off on that. Since you had time you worked on homework, wanting to have one less thing to worry about so you could truly enjoy the night. Of course if Ateez caught you they’d probably say something, but this was for your own benefit. Thankfully you finished your assignments just as you heard music blasting through the house.

    Wooyoung was the one to bring you down to the party. Even if you didn’t know a lot of the guests, they all seemed to know you were the birthday girl. So you got many birthday wishes, more than ever before. When your friends showed up they were so excited to see you, and everything else that was going on for you. They couldn’t believe such a party had been thrown for you, and graciously thanked the boys of Ateez for their generosity. You were a bit embarrassed, but you could dwell on those feelings some other time. The night went on, and you spent lots of time with your friends. It almost felt like you were at a club more than anything, and with no worries about creeps bothering you. 

“Mind if I steal a dance?” San whispered in your ear, joining you on the dance floor. “You look smokin.”

“You tell me this now?”

“Well, I can say it again and again if you need me to.”

“Hm, that sounds nice.”

“Or…”

“Or?”

“How about I give you your birthday present?”

“Present? Isn’t that after the cake?”

“You can have my present first.”

“Hm…”

“Come on.”

    San took your hand and apologized to your friends as he was going to borrow you for a while. They all smiled and gave you thumbs up, waving you off. You were quite curious as to what kind of present San had for you. It could quite possibly be anything. So when he led you down to the garage, you were starting to think he bought you a car. That would be insane, and you wouldn’t even know what to do with it. Although things quickly changed when you saw someone else.

“There’s the birthday girl.” Wooyoung waved, sitting on the hood of a car. “You ready for your present?”

“Yeah. You guys got me a car?”

“What? No, this is one of our race cars.”

“Oh… then… what’s my present?”

“Us.”

“You?”

“We figured tonight we should give you a present you won’t forget.”

    Wooyoung opened the back door of the car, San leading you over to it. He had you lay back and then he climbed on top of you. Although you put your hands on his chest to stop him.

“You want to do this… in your car?”

“Well, I want it to smell like you. That way you’re with us the next time we use it, even if not physically.”

“Oh… well you guys are certainly something else.”

“If you don’t want to, just say so.”

“This is my birthday present, isn’t it? I want to receive it in full.”

“As you wish, princess.”

    You had never done it in a car before, but San seemed to have some experience. It made you a bit jealous, but it was all to make sure you enjoyed yourself tonight. Of course Wooyoung was still there, waiting his turn. He was sitting in the driver’s seat, watching you from the rear view mirror and stroking his length, only allowed to imagine himself on top of you for now. On occasion you’d make eye contact with him, and you could see the lust in his eyes. He might not even let San finish and just go over and yank him off you, but he was a patient boy. 

    You on the other hand, not so much since San being proper with his prep work. When he finally gave it to you, relief washed over your face. He stretched you out so good, like it was a perfect fit, but since he had already prepped you, he didn’t give you the satisfaction of feeling him whole and started moving. Obscenities spilled from your lips as you grabbed onto whatever you could, letting him take control.

“Fuck, fuck, San…”

“Just take it like a good girl. I know you can.”

“Hm…”

“Don’t fuck her brains out.” Wooyoung commented. “I get my turn after you.”

“She’s the birthday girl, and deserves the best, so I’ma give it to her.”

    He wasn’t wrong there, giving you everything he had. At times you swear you saw white, and he put all his attention into your pleasure. He was adamant about holding out and making you cum first, which he succeeded in. Your body shook underneath him as your orgasm took over, your center squeezing him tightly and forcing him to spill his seed inside you. San had been trying to hold out but he couldn’t deny you in the moment.

“Fuck, y/n, you feel so tight.”

“Aw, fuck, that’s not fair.” Wooyoung whined. “That should be me.”

“Did you make a mess in the front?” San asked. “Seriously?”

“You made a mess in the back.”

“Not alone.”

“Stop bragging. It’s my turn anyway.”

    In a matter of seconds Wooyoung had gotten out of the car and went over to the back. He pulled San’s pants up and shoved him to the side, wanting to get a good look at you.

“So pretty.”

“Hm.”

    Wooyoung gently caressed your cheek, his hands then trailing down your body. You were so sensitive at the moment, the slightest touch made you shiver. He loved the goofy smile on your face, clearly still high.

“You ready for more baby girl?”

“Will you be gentle?”

Wooyoung chuckled. “No.”

“Good.”

    That was all he needed to get started. Wooyoung dipped his fingers into your sloppy center, scooping up some of San’s seed and using it to write his name out on your stomach.

“I think we forgot to ask, but are you taking anything? Or is San gonna become a daddy?”

“I’m okay, you’re the only daddy I need tonight.”

“Fuck, baby girl, keep talking like that and I’m gonna make you a mommy.”

“Bet.”

    Wooyoung wasn’t gonna wait around much longer, angling himself perfectly and grabbing your hips before thrusting into the mess between your legs. You were still so sensitive, so his rough movements made you shake all over again. You bit your lip as the last bits of your previous orgasm fluttered through your body, and then got replaced by Wooyoung’s actions. He wasn’t San, but he had his own way of making you feel good. He took advantage of your state too, rubbing your clit and groping your breasts to divide your attention. He had all kinds of signals going off in your brain.

“You’re such a good fuck.”

“Hm… more…”

“I know, baby, I got you.”

    Wooyoung pulled you closer, getting relentless as your words motivated him to do better. He wanted to watch you unravel beneath him, and the desire was taking over. You didn’t notice when San had gotten himself together, but he had gone to the other side of the car and looked down on you. Although Wooyoung tried to push him away, especially when San started kissing you. It didn’t work though as he kept coming back, even when Wooyoung scolded him. Still, he could only really focus on you, wanting to make you scream his name, which is exactly what he got. You grabbed his arm tightly, mumbling out for him to go faster and make you cum. Your words excited him and he gave you just that, holding your face with his free hand as you climaxed.

    He watched your lips tremble, eyes roll back in ecstasy, knowing he was the reason for your actions. That, and feeling you hug him so tight, was enough to push him over the edge. Wooyoung locked eyes with you, wanting to ride out his high while he made your body tremble, watching everything you did. Your smile filled him with such satisfaction, he leaned down to kiss you, lips then trailing down your body. With two orgasms under your belt you were quite tired, and sore, and far more sensitive than before. Wooyoung stayed with you for a moment before pulling out, giving you some more chaste kisses. He gently pulled up your legs, trying to make sure you were comfortable, and San got into the back so you could rest your head in his lap. Thankfully you weren’t cold, even if you were partially undressed. The heat from their love was enough to keep you warm.

“You good?” San asked while petting your head. “Did you like your present?”

“… yeah… so good…”

“We’re glad to hear.”

“We should have bounced her on the stick shift.” Wooyoung commented from the driver’s seat. “Before we filled her up. Would have made it all the more special.”

“Next time perhaps, what do you say, y/n?”

“Hm…”

    You stayed semi curled up for a while, just letting your body wind down after all that fun. Although you couldn’t stay there long. You had shut your eyes, partially falling asleep, only to open them wide at the sound of knocking on the roof of the car. You looked over and found Yunho peeking in and taking you in.

“What’s this?”

“She was receiving her gifts.” San stated. “And she’s very happy with them.”

“Is that so?”

“Hm.” You hummed in agreement.

“Well, can the birthday girl come up for cake?”

“Cake?”

“We can’t cut the cake without you, everyone’s waiting.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you and it’ll be quick.”

    Yunho helped you sit up and get your clothes back on. He didn’t comment on the mess between your legs but he did help you clean up a bit. It wouldn’t be good to have cum running down your leg while everyone sang happy birthday to you. Once you were presentable you got out of the car, only to realize your legs were shaky. Yunho effortlessly picked you up in his arms bridal style.

“I’ll take you up.”

“Thanks.”

    You were a bit shy, but you couldn’t object to this. Yunho carried you upstairs to the party, taking you outside to where the cake had been brought out. Everyone cheered when you arrived, Jongho lighting the candles on the cake, one of many actually. Yunho gently put you down, and allowed you to use him to support yourself. Everyone got quiet and then the singing began. You had never heard so many people sing before, let alone with such excitement in their voice. You took a moment to make a wish and then blew out the candles. More cheers erupted, the cake began to get cut, and then everything went dark. One moment you were receiving hugs and good wishes, and then you had cake in your face.

    You laughed as you wiped icing off your face, seeing Jongho with an empty plate of cake, and a revealing smile on his face. You quickly grabbed him and pressed messy kisses to his face, getting him covered in cake too. He seemed to enjoy it, although you couldn’t stay that way. As the initial excitement calmed down, Yeosang led you and Jongho upstairs to clean up. You wound up in his room, and even though you tried to clean yourself up, he suggested getting in the shower. It wasn’t a bad idea, especially considering the type of gift you had received already. So you didn’t hesitate to take your top off, leaving Yeosang and Jongho in shock.

“What? It’s not anything you haven’t seen before.”

“I… I…” Jongho mumbled. “Yeah, but I didn’t think you were so bold.”

“Neither did I.”

“I’ll get you some clean clothes.” Yeosang offered. “I’ll be back.”

    You went into the bathroom and stripped off the rest of your clothes, hopping into the tub. You took a quick shower just to clean yourself up, and get any sugar out of your hair. When you finished you stepped out with a towel wrapped around you, even though you had your bra and panties beneath. Yeosang handed you some clothes, and once you were dressed Jongho cleaned himself up. It wasn’t as much as you so he just needed to wash his face.

“Cleaned up already?”

    Seonghwa softly knocked and entered the room with a plate of cake, happy to see you were alright. He would probably scold Jongho but you told him to leave it alone, surely someone else would cake your face.

“You guys really went all out for me.”

“Of course, it’s your birthday. You should be celebrated to the maximum.”

“I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me today.”

“Well the night is still young. Here, you should enjoy some cake.”

    Seonghwa was happy to feed you, and the cake was quite good too. Although you were getting icy all over your lips. Seonghwa was gonna reach over and wipe it off when Yeosang grabbed his hand and decided to kiss you, cleaning up the icing along the way.

“Yummy.”

“Ya!” Seonghwa yelled. “You can’t just go around kissing her!”

“Why not? I heard WooSan already gave her a present too.”

“What?”

“Yeah, they went down to the garage.” Jongho added. “I bet they made a mess.”

“The garage, is that true?”

“Uh… well…” You were a bit shy, trying to hide your face. “Yes…”

“I see… did you like it?”

“It was… nice…”

“I didn’t know you were such a bad girl.”

“What?”

“You’re supposed to get presents after cake, not before.”

“Oh, well… I didn’t-”

“Since you’ve had cake now. I suppose I can give you my present too.”

“Sure. What did you get me?”

“A very unique gift.”

    Seonghwa put down the plate and grabbed your hand. He kissed it softly and then led it down to rest on his crotch. Your eyes went wide and you looked up at him, feeling more shy than before. He just smirked.

“What? You think I don’t know what those two troublemakers did? There are cameras everywhere, baby.”

“Oh…”

“No need to be shy. Although I understand you might be a bit tired, I’ll take good care of you though.”

“Ah, well…”

“All of us.” Yeosang added.

“Huh?”

“Did you think we were just gonna leave you with Seonghwa? That’s hardly fair.”

“So all three of you…”

“Can you handle us?” Jongho questioned. “It’s okay if you can’t, we’ll teach you.”

“You guys are being too much.”

“It’s only fair. The birthday girl has to get the best for her special day.”

    Seonghwa leaned in close to kiss your cheek before taking the plate and setting it down on the dresser. Yeosang had you move up and lay back on the bed. The clothes you were wearing were loose fitting and easy to remove, leaving you in your undergarments.

“You’re all being very bold tonight.”

“We have been waiting for this too.”

“Really? You must have been so frustrated.”

“You have no idea.”

    Yeosang was pushed to the side as Seonghwa climbed on top of you, stealing a kiss and tasting cake on your lips. His hands explored your body, ultimately pushing up your bra to feel your breasts. He had been holding himself together, but he couldn’t keep doing that. Seonghwa began to undress, getting you out of the last bits of clothes you had on too. Now that you were completely exposed he began pressing kisses all over your chest and lower stomach. Your focus was solely on him until a shirtless Yeosang crawled onto the bed and started kissing your hand. He made you giggle, which brought a smile to his lips.

    Although Seonghwa wasn’t happy about your attention elsewhere, so he got it back the only way he sought fit. You let out a ragged moan as Seonghwa pushed a finger into you without warning. Your eyes shot down at him, seeing the big smirk on his face. You didn’t need that much prep, still recovering from the car sex. Which worked in your favor as you didn’t have to wait too long for Seonghwa to fuck you. He was still a tease though, going slow with his fingers, pressing long kisses on your clit, making you whine at every point. You couldn’t play his game for long.

“Seonghwa you better fuck me soon or Yeosang can go first.”

“Don’t make threats like that.”

“It’s my birthday, isn’t it? What I say goes.”

“Tsk. I like a dominant woman, but tonight you’re at my mercy.”

    Maybe you should be careful what you wish for. Seonghwa grabbed your hips tightly, pressing on the bruises that were forming thanks to Wooyoung, and swiftly pushed his length into you. He could have teased you, but since you asked for it, he was gonna give it to you, every last bit. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you gripped the bed sheets.

“Fuck…”

“You wanted it.”

“Yeah… keep going…”

“Oh I will.”

    Seonghwa started off gentle, wanting to let your body adjust, but he wasn’t gonna be a tease for long. Before you knew it he was going at a relentless pace, making your whole body move with him. He wanted you to himself and pushed Yeosang away, holding your hands in his and watching you with lust in his eyes. You tried to keep your eyes on him, but whenever he hit your sweet spot you couldn’t help but shut your eyes in bliss and tremble.

“You like that?”

“Hm…”

    You were close, and you could tell he was too as he was losing his rhythm. It was a bit funny to think you had cleaned yourself up only to wind up with your legs spread so soon. You were gonna get filled up, which reminded you to mention it. Although Seonghwa said he knew, having been listening in to your previous session.

“Pervert.” Jongho commented.

“As if you’re not gonna go look up the security footage later.”

“Shut up.”

    Seonghwa leaned in for a deep kiss as he kept his momentum going, freeing his hands from your grip and using them to play with you and push you over the edge. Your orgasm seemed to push him over the edge and he held you close as you both rode out the high together. He pressed his forehead against yours, the two of you breathless but with smiles on your faces.

“You good?”

“Never better.” You exhaled. “Although I’m not your first.”

“But you can be my last.”

“Hm…”

“Move over!” Yeosang shoved Seonghwa off you. “My fucken turn.”

“Ya! I wasn’t-”

“She’s so delicate right now I wanna take advantage.”

    You barely even heard the end of Yeosang’s statement before he pushed himself into you, making the cum in you overflow. He let out a delightful moan as your body trembled and accommodated him among the mess. You gripped the sheets, letting out a shaky moan. You were still coming down from your high when Yeosang took over, making it so pleasure and pain began mixing. His hands trailed your body, kneading your breasts and taking them into his mouth on occasion. You reached over to feel his body, looking down as well to see where you two met. You never had this much fun before, and this was surely the best birthday present ever.

“You still with me, princess?”

“Yeah… I’m trying…”

“Trying?” Jongho questioned. “You’re barely halfway done here.”

“You jealous?”

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“Then be a good boy and wait.”

    They’d each have a turn but they really didn’t like losing your attention. While you had been talking with Jongho, Yeosang slowed down, making you whimper. He didn’t move, forcing you to grind down on him for your own satisfaction. Then without warning he started back up again, grabbing your hips, which were definitely gonna be purple tomorrow. He was just a tad bit upset and now really taking it out on you. So it wasn’t long before another orgasm washed over you, making you shake and hold him tightly, which ultimately pushed him over the edge too.

“Fuck, you’re so good… we should do it again.”

“You’ve had your turn, hyung.” Jongho commented. 

“Let the maknae have their fun too.” Seonghwa added. “If not for them we might not have gotten here.”

“So I wasn’t gonna get my present if not for Jongho?”

“Oh you would have gotten it one way or another.”

    Jongho did give you a minute to rest and recover, laying down at your side and taking your hand in his, kissing it gently. He looked so dreamy with you, and his eyes were so big and bright. You couldn’t imagine what he had in store for you.

“Are you enjoying your party?”

“For the bits I’ve been in, yeah.”

“That’s good.”

    Jongho started off slow and soft, knowing you were definitely sensitive. He carefully rolled on top of you, pressing soft kisses against your skin, making you feel very loved. 

“Will you be alright?”

“Yeah… just be yourself.”

“If you can handle it.”

“I can.”

“Then I’ll test you on it.”

    You laid with him for a while as he continued to pepper you with kisses. His touch would send sparks up your body, and when his lips finally reached your core you ran a hand through his hair. It was swollen and achy down there, but his gentle touch was soothing. You were lost in his softness that you didn’t notice when he was getting himself ready until you felt him pushing into you. He gave it to you inch by inch, holding your legs apart, watching your mouth hang open in silent bliss.

“I got you baby girl.”

    Jongho held your hands, rocking back and forth softly. You moved with him, eyes shut and soft whimpers escaping your lips. He was a different kind of good, and you didn’t expect his strength. He slowed down a bit, picking you up in his arms and thrusting up into you. More soft moans escaped your lips into his ear, giving him strength and motivation. You wrapped your arms around him, using all your strength to hold on. He took care of the rest and managed to wring another orgasm out of you. He loved how you melted in his arms, and he could feel every little movement of your body as it was overwhelmed with pleasure.

    Jongho pressed a kiss to your cheek, laying you back down on the bed and gently teasing you before he reached his own climax. This time he pressed his lips to yours, holding your hands tightly and riding out his own orgasm while feeding into yours. As you both caught your breath he laid beside you, still holding your hand. The other two had joined you in bed as well, all of you together in a little pile. You could feel the aches and bruises starting to form but you paid them no mind, still very happy with the overall experience. 

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks…”

    You felt like you had probably fallen asleep for a bit, rightfully so. You awoke to the sounds of vibrating, sleepily sitting up and looking around. You were still in Yeosang’s room, and weren’t entirely alone. Yeosang and Jongho were still with you, taking a nap too, but Seonghwa was gone. Regardless, your focus shifted to the vibrating noise, looking around the room. You got out of bed, legs a bit shaky, but you found the source, your phone. You were still half asleep, but once you saw the caller ID you were wide awake. The spike of adrenaline gave you the energy to put on a shirt and joggers and step out of the room to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, where are you?”

“Oh, you know, out with friends. It’s my birth-”

“Where? I didn’t get an invite to the party.”

“You didn’t? I would have thought-”

“Y/n, please stop lying to me.”

“Wa… what?”

“I saw the pictures your friends posted on social, and I recognized the place.”

“So…”

“I told you to stay away. They are-”

    You were already feeling frustrated with the call when your phone was suddenly taken away. Hongjoong offered you a smile and hung up, turning your phone off.

“Hongjoong…”

“What’s wrong? The birthday girl shouldn’t be sad on her special day.”

“Uh… I… you didn’t invite Chan?”

“Of course not. He doesn’t like us, and there shouldn’t be any negativity today.”

“But-”

“Did he call to wish you a happy birthday?”

“No…”

“Then the right choice was made. Come on now, forget about the call and focus on the party. The night is still young.” Hongjoong held his hand out to you. “Shall we?”

    You knew Chan was gonna be upset about the way the call ended, even if it wasn’t your fault. Still, even if he rushed over now to see you and yell, it would be best to enjoy yourself to the fullest. You took a breath and offered Hongjoong a smile, taking his hand.

“We shall.”

“Good. Now I heard from Seonghwa that someone has been receiving presents.”

“I see word travels fast.”

“Have you been enjoying yourself?”

“Yes. It’s a great party.”

“I’m glad to hear.”

“I didn’t know you’d-”

    While walking your legs suddenly gave out, but Hongjoong managed to hold you up. The adrenaline of the call had worn off and the exhaustion of your previous activities was catching up to you now.

“Sorry…”

“No need to apologize, I got you.”

    You were trying to get your feet under you when Yunho and Mingi suddenly appeared. The two quickly took you from Hongjoong and helped you stand.

“You good?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“I didn’t know Wooyoung and San did such a number on you.”

“You’re forgetting they aren’t the only ones to deliver their presents.”

“Are you serious?” Mingi questioned. “How are you still awake baby girl?”

“No idea… so are all of you just gifting me sex tonight?”

“Don’t like it?”

“Seems a little cheap. I saw the boxes down there…”

“You’re assuming sex is the only gift you’ll get from us.” Hongjoong chuckled. “Not to mention this party. We spent quite a pretty penny on you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“But we wanted to.”

    The boys carried you to another bedroom, Hongjoong’s, and set you down. Yunho gently grabbed your legs and massaged them a bit, getting you to lay back. Your shirt exposed a bit of your stomach, and he pulled it up further, seeing the marks.

“Damn, you really are having a fun night, aren’t you?”

“I can’t lie… it’s been the best.”

“Then let us continue, or at least bring this night to a close.” Hongjoong said. “If you can manage it.”

“I wouldn’t mind passing out with one of you guys in me.”

“Promise?”

    Yunho pressed kisses to your cheek, pushing you up on the bed so you could rest comfortably. He got you out of your shirt and bra, taking one of your breasts into his mouth. You ran a hand through his hair, keeping him close. He tugged the joggers down, rubbing your through your panties for a moment. You were still wet down there, and messy. Yunho couldn’t wait long before yanking your panties down and pushing two fingers into you. The wet slopping sounds seemed to please everyone, and Yunho quickly understood he didn’t have to prep much, you were eager and waiting.

    Yunho was quickly on you, not wanting to hear anyone else claim you first. He wasn’t subtle, but swift with his motions. Your body was barely recovering from the last guy between your legs, but you figured you could handle a few more. Yunho was careful not to put any unnecessary strain on your body, but still made sure you were enjoying yourself. He had a nice rhythm going and you were truly relaxed. His touch was gentle but pleasurable, acting more like a lover than anything else. You were surprised he kept his pace throughout, even as he pushed you to the edge. Somehow he held himself together long enough for you to calm down before he went in hard and achieved his own high.

“Fuck… you’re all gonna leave me bruised up tomorrow…”

“And unable to walk.” Mingi commented. “That’s a promise.”

“Then I expect to be carried.”

“I got you, princess.”

    With that Mingi shoved Yunho aside, taking you into his arms and pulling you up. He sat down and had you resting in his lap. He gently held your waist, leading you to grind down on him. He still had his briefs on, but he didn’t mind getting them stained with your juices and what Yunho had left in you. He pressed his head against yours, watching the blissed out smile on your face. You both could only last so long before your basic needs took over. You reached down to free Mingi’s cock, stroking it a bit and adjusting yourself to take him in. He helped you settle down on him, giving you a kiss as a reward.

“I’ll do all the work, so just enjoy yourself.”

“Hm…”

    You wrapped your arms around Mingi, resting your head on his shoulder. He reached around to grab your ass, making you yelp, but he just chuckled. You seemed comfortable so he began to move, being gentle at first, but he couldn’t hold himself back. You grabbed him tightly, moaning into his ear.  He was rough, or maybe it felt that way because you were so worn down already. Still he was good to you, holding you close and whispering such sweet words. You didn’t know when he was getting close, but he certainly pushed you to cloud nine.

    He laid back with you on top of him, still thrusting into you as you rode out your high with him, and soon enough he was adding to the mess between your legs. You shook more violently this time, but Mingi made sure you were alright. Once you settled he carefully laid you down on the bed, pressing soft kisses to your face. You let out low chuckles, smiling with a happy look on your face. Mingi stayed with you for a while, caressing your cheek. You might have fallen asleep if the bed didn’t suddenly dip and you got turned around to face Hongjoong. He had a big smile on his face, reaching over to pet your head.

“Having fun?”

“Very…”

“Can you accept another present?”

“Maybe… I want it either way…”

“Well isn’t someone greedy.”

“Birthday girl, remember?”

“I do.”

    Hongjoong leaned over to kiss your head, then your lips, then slowly trailed down your body. He took your hands in his and placed kisses on them too. He was gentle in how he moved your body about. His hands caressed your thighs as he pulled your legs apart. He could see how red and swollen your clit was, giving that a kiss as well and making you shiver. He slowly climbed on top of you, giving you more kisses. He whispered in your ear and let you know he was gonna fuck you, wanting you to hold yourself together for him. You promised to do so to the best of your ability. That was enough for him, whispering dirty things in your ear as he pushed himself into you, going inch by inch so you could feel everything.

    Your body welcomed him, already feeling the tickles of an orgasm. By now you were so worn down you were floating in a state of bliss, and there wasn’t any coming down. Not with the constant attention, and the fact you’ve had more orgasms this night than ever before. Hongjoong certainly started off slow before getting into a gentle rhythm, his focus solely on you. He watched your face, the expressions you made as he moved around and pleased you. He kept his eyes locked with yours, and you did your best to maintain it, but you were certainly falling apart. Every touch felt like a mini orgasm, and you couldn’t do much else but lie there and take it. Hongjoong was well aware of this, and he just wanted to make sure you finished right.

    You don’t know for sure if Hongjoong hit that sweet spot just right, or your body just broke down, but that final climax was something else. Your whole body trembled as the pleasure and pain mixed together across every inch of your being. Not to mention all the kisses Hongjoong added as he watched you become undone beneath him. You only knew when he climaxed cause you felt a warmth inside you, and could feel the overflow of cum just dripping out of you. The exhaustion was really hitting, and you could barely keep your eyes open. You tried to hold on to Hongjoong, but he just took your hands and kissed them, setting them down.

“We wore you out baby, you should get some rest.”

“My party though…”

“It’s far from over. Take a little nap and I’ll clean you up, okay?”

“Hm…”

“Good girl.”

    You definitely needed rest, and left yourself in their trusted arms. You closed your eyes and let yourself float in and out of consciousness. At some point you felt warm water along your skin, soft hands gently massaging your body, and being wrapped up in clean clothes. You felt a comfy bed beneath you, seeing some face blur past you at times, but you stayed in your own little world, drifting and resting. You didn’t know how much time had passed, but you eventually had the strength to properly get up. You thought maybe you’d be alone to rest, but as you opened your eyes you found a sleepy little Jongho at your side. You reached over to pet his head, getting a little hum out of him, and having him open his eyes.

“Hi…”

“Hey, are you feeling better?”

“I’m good… did you nap with me…”

“A little break from the party doesn’t hurt.”

“Hm… yeah…”

    You carefully sat up, getting help from Jongho in the process. You felt sore all over, but you were happy, it had been a fun night, and it was a very lovely present.

“I have something for you.” Jongho handed you a little box. “Another gift.”

“Oh, what’s this?”

    You opened the box and started laughing, it was some birth control pills, and Jongho brought over some water.

“You know I take birth control, right?”

“But just in case, you can’t be too safe.”

“You don’t wanna be a daddy?”

“Oh, you better watch that mouth, I might take you up on the offer.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not ready to be a mother either.”

    You took the pills and laid back down, taking in a breath and enjoying the comfortable bed. You wanted to go back down to the party, but you still didn’t have the strength for that. You asked Jongho to help you get on your feet, even if your legs were still shaky. You managed to stand, but before you could take any steps you heard a loud commotion from out in the hall. Jongho heard too, seeming concerned when the door suddenly swung open.

“YA!”

    Seeing and hearing Chan yelled startled you, and you collapsed back on the bed. You could see the anger on his face, making you fearful.

“I cannot believe you.”

“This is a party.” Hongjoong exclaimed. “You can’t be yelling at the birthday girl.”

“Shut up! I cannot believe any of you!”

    Chan came over and shoved Jongho away, grabbing your arm and yanking you to your feet. You yelled and weren’t able to stand, immediately falling to the ground. Chan looked at you in shock, kneeling down to take a closer look. He caught sight of some of the bruises on your neck, pulling up your shirt without asking and seeing all the other marks. He quickly got up and pinned Hongjoong against the wall.

“What the fuck did you do!”

Hongjoong chuckled. “It’s a party, and we were having fun. What do you want from me? It was all consensual, I swear.”

“Chan!” You yelled. “Let him go! I’m fine! I-”

“Not a word from you!

“…”

“It’s her birthday and you come in yelling at her like this? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“That’s funny, coming from you.”

    Chan let Hongjoong go and came back over to you, pulling you up to your feet. You could barely stand, let alone walk, but he pulled you along anyway. You bit your lip to keep from making any noises and just did your best to follow. You struggled on the stairs and hid your face when you got to the bottom floor, not wanting to be seen, but of course Chan drew attention. Some of the other Ateez members noticed and rushed over, but you shook your head at them. Chan got you into his car, putting your seat belt on you and slammed the door shut. You hid your face, not able to meet anyone in the eye and stayed silent on the drive. You kept your head low, but as you looked around you noticed the streets were different.

“This isn’t the-”

“You think I’m taking you back to your place so they can go get you?”

“No, I-”

“You are unbelievable.”

“Chan-”

“Quiet! I told you to break off from them and what do I find? You have no problem lying to my face now.”

“I-”

“I told you to be quiet.”

“…”

“You’ll be staying with me until further notice.”

    You wanted to explain yourself, to at least have your voice be heard, but given what Chan just did, and your current state, it was best to remain silent. So you did. When you got to Chan’s place he got you out of the car, holding your arm and pulling you along, a lot gentler this time. He plopped you down on the couch and came back with a med kit, wanting to take a better look at you. All you really had were bruises and some nail marks, nothing too serious, but he had to be sure. You were a bit nervous, but lifted up your shirt just enough so you didn’t expose your breasts. Like you said nothing serious, and he was satisfied after checking.

“Here. It’s your clothes, put them on.”

“Thanks…”

    Your body wasn’t so sore anymore, but you did struggle a bit to make it to the bathroom. You dressed into your clothes and returned to the living room. Chan was nowhere to be seen, but you knew where he’d be. You went over into his office, seeing him looking over some papers.

“Chan…”

“Don’t. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“But-”

“You went out with a bang, literally, so let’s leave it at that.”

“I-”

“Please.”

“Yeah… yeah that’s fine…”

    You made your way over to Chan’s side, looking down at the papers on the table. You reached over to look some over, coming across an image from a CCTV.

“What’s this?”

“A partial plate from the last robbery.”

“You got a plate?”

“Partial. I honestly thought the vehicles they used didn’t have any plates, but it seems like they just cover them up.”

“It seems fortune is on our- your side. It’s progress.”

“Yeah. Minho got a bit crazy and rammed into one of the vehicles. Guess that damaged the plate cover and we managed to catch a few digits.”

“You gonna run this through your database?”

“The car itself might not even be registered, could be a fake plate to begin with. We’ll still run it, although working with a partial plate is gonna make it difficult.” 

“Any bit of progress is better than none.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m gonna get some rest.”

“You do that.”

“Don’t stay up too late.”

“No promises.”

“Night.”

“Good night, and y/n?”

“Hm?”

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in the morning.”

❤

    Chan kept to his word and didn’t let you leave his place. He drove you to and from school, always punctual. Even though he never said anything, you knew he was always looking around for others. You didn’t get any messages from anyone, not that you would respond, but it really made you wonder what everyone thought. Surely word got around about what happened that night. Your friends didn’t mention it either, just saying things went well. Of course Chan probably spoke with them beforehand, and you weren’t gonna pry. So you just focused on getting your life back to normal, no more secret double life stuff going on. If only it was that easy.

“How’s the body?”

    You jumped at the voice that suddenly appeared, distracting you from your notes. Your first class had been canceled so you were in the library when someone approached you. The voice was familiar, and you were a bit shy to look up, so they took a seat instead.

“You’re not hurt anywhere are you?”

“I’m fine, San.”

“You didn’t call.”

“Neither did you.”

“And have Chan scream in my ear, I didn’t wanna risk it.”

“Well he’s not monitoring my phone 24/7 so you would have been fine.”

“Then why didn’t you call?”

“San.”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Me? Nothing, just here to see you.”

“You’re not a student here, you should go.”

“Come on, I came all-”

“I’m a student, San.” You interrupted. “I’m not from a wealthy family, and I seriously need to focus on school if I want to get anywhere in life. It was fun getting to know you guys, but this is where we must part ways.”

“You don’t mean that. Was your birthday present-”

“Thanks for the party, and the gifts. It was a good farewell.”

“You still have all those presents back-”

“Leave. Before I call security.”

“You’d do that?”

“I wanna graduate, which means I have to pass this semester in order to get closer to my goal. Partying and racing isn’t gonna help me. Now please, go.”

“Alright… don’t be a stranger.”

“Yeah.”

    You didn’t know if that went well, but at least nothing got heated. You continued to focus on school, managing to get to finals week, and feeling confident in your skills. Test taking always sucked, but the exams actually felt easy, so you were certain you passed. After your last one, a midday one, you were going to text Chan when you ran into a familiar face.

“Congratulations.”

“Hongjoong… what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you of course. You’ve completed your last exam, and the semester is over, right?”

“Uh, yeah, but-”

“We should celebrate. You’re one step closer to graduation.”

“But-”

“San told us your birthday party was a farewell party, and I find that quite unfair.”

“Unfair?”

“We should have a proper going away party for you. I would have mentioned it sooner, but I understand you wanted to focus on your studies. Now that’s done, shall we?”

“Hongjoong-”

“Nothing big. Just dinner and us, I promise.”

“I can’t just-”

“I understand Chan has been keeping a watchful eye, but he’d understand you wanting to unwind today. Besides, I doubt he’ll ever know. So, may we have the honor of your company one last time?”

“Fine, but I can’t be out so late.”

“Of course.”

    Despite your better judgment you went with Hongjoong back to his place. The others were very happy to see you, and you couldn’t help the genuine smile on your face.

“First, your present.” Hongjoong said, handing you the car keys. “Here.”

“For me?”

“It should make it easier for you to get to and from school from now on. And it’ll be easier to go out and enjoy yourself.”

“I… I’m not sure I can accept this…”

“Please do.” Seonghwa stated. “We can’t possibly repay you for all the great memories we’ve made together.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Come on, let’s go inside.” Yeosang held his hand out to you. “One last dinner.”

    You took his hand and followed them all inside. The place had been cleaned up nicely since your party. It was weeks ago, but still, not a trace was left. It actually seemed a lot emptier than before. You were going to ask when Mingi suddenly took your other hand.

“We still have to set the table.” Mingi explained. “So how about we let the others do that.”

“Ya! Mingi!”

“Have fun!”

    Before anyone else could object Mingi pulled you away from the group and led you away. No one was gonna stop you two, so you ran off. Mingi took you around the house, asking how you’ve been and how your exams went. He was glad to hear you were done with the stress and felt confident in passing your classes.  You two wound up down in the garage, Mingi suggesting taking you out on one last ride. You looked at all the cars, blushing a bit when you saw the one where San and Wooyoung had given you your birthday present. Although your eyes then lingered to another car.

“Oh… isn’t that…”

    You walked over to the car that had caught your attention. You had been down in the garage multiple times before. Of course you didn’t know them all, but something about this car caught your eye.

“This looks like the car the Black Pirates drive.”

“Wa… what?”

“You know, those robberies that have taken place in the area as of late. I saw a picture of one of the cars they drive and it had a partial… plate…”

    Now that you were closer and rambling about the car you looked down at the license plate, realizing that it actually matched the partial plate that had been caught on camera.

“I didn’t know the car had been reported in the news.”

“It wasn’t… I, uh, I actually saw it online. You know things always get leaked there.”

“So you kept up with it then? Playing detective in your spare time.”

“Uh, well… yeah, kind of.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah… what a crazy coincidence.”

“Coincidence… right.”

“Actually we should go back upstairs. I’m sure the others are done setting up, and we can all take a ride together later.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

    Mingi took your hand and the two of you went upstairs. You were trying not to act so nervous. You didn’t know what to do anymore, but you knew you needed to call Chan immediately. He could chew you out for all this later. Of course you could be wrong on your assumption that Ateez were the Black Pirates, but you had an uneasy feeling about everything. You needed to leave.

“Mingi.”

“Hm?”

“I just remembered that since today was my last test, me and my friends made plans to celebrate together. I can’t have dinner with you guys tonight, but maybe tomorrow.”

“But you’re already here, and your friends haven’t called.”

“I just got a text and they were asking where I was, so I should get going.”

“The others-”

“It’s not goodbye, so let’s not make it one.”

“Y/n-”

“I’ll call you guys, I promise.”

    You pulled your hand away from Mingi and calmly walked to the front door. You held yourself together not to make it look weird. At least you had a means of leaving, the present you had been given. You did fumble with the keys a bit but managed to open the door and start the car. You waved at Mingi and drove off, not really sure where you were going, but needing to get as far away as possible. It was already late, and for the most part the road was empty. You carefully reached over to grab your phone and call Chan, although it said he was unavailable. You tried multiple times, but got the same response every time.

“Come on, Chan, pick up.”

    While driving you suddenly heard the roar of an engine, looking in the rear view mirror to see two vehicles getting close. It didn’t take long to recognize the cars, and then the drivers and passengers.

“Fuck…”

    You were freaking out, knowing they’d catch up to you soon enough. You tried to call Chan again, but nothing. The cars come up on either side of you, on your left you see Jongho waving at you, asking you to stop. You didn’t feel safe, you couldn’t comply with this, so you just stepped on the gas. They seemed a bit annoyed, but continued to follow. You tried once to call Chan, but there was no answer, so you resorted to a voicemail.

“Chan, please answer your goddamn phone! When you get this, please call me back immediately. You were right, okay? Shit was dangerous and… I fucked up, but it was an accident! I didn’t… shit, they caught up to me…”

    You weren’t an experienced driver, especially when it came to speed, but you didn’t let your foot off the gas. You didn’t know how fast you were going, but just seeing the others getting closer put you on edge. You were only really focused on the road, not wanting to lose control, and then the two cars crashed against you, trying to sandwich you between them. You screamed, trying to get them off, but whatever they were doing, they were in control.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… Chan, I’m sorry… I know you told me to stay out of it… it’s my fault alright… please just call me back so I can tell you everything… I don’t know long I can do this… the Black Pirates-”

    The others pulled back suddenly, but you still turned the wheel. The sudden movement, combined with the speed, you turned to the side and wound up flipping over. Everything happened in a blur, like the light of the world was turning on and off in slow motion. You don’t know how many times your car flipped, but at some point it stopped. Your ears were ringing, and the edges of your vision were black. The world was upside down, and you slowly looked around. You vaguely noticed the other two cars coming to a stop, seeing people rush out.

“Y/n!”

“Don’t touch the car!” Hongjoong ordered. “And someone call an ambulance.”

    With that said, Mingi ended up grabbing Wooyoung before he got close, holding him back. Yeosang dialed emergency services, and Yunho ended up grabbing San as well.

“Hyung!” Wooyung yelled. “We can’t just leave her!”

“You know why we followed her out here.”

“Hyung!”

“Seonghwa, Jongho, get the license plates.”

“HYUNG!”

    You could see some footsteps approaching, but you couldn’t make much out. There was a dull ache all over your body, although you felt more like you were floating. Still, among the chaos of everything, you didn’t want it to end this way.

“… help… save… me…”

    The two boys grabbed the license plates off the car and stepped away. No one was happy with this, but it was Hongjoong’s orders.

“… please… don’t leave… me…”

“We’re not seriously leaving her like this.” San said. “Are we?”

“The ambulance and police will be here soon, we have to go.”

“Hyung!”

“We don’t have time, let’s go.”

    You vaguely heard the sounds of sirens in the distance, followed by cars speeding off. It was hard to stay awake, but you held out, trying to wait for someone, anyone, to help. The sirens did get lower, and at some point you could see others approach. Your head was pounding and you could taste blood in your mouth, but you figured it was okay to close your eyes now. Even if you didn’t open them again, you could stay awake much longer. You heard voices, maybe speaking to you, but you just closed your eyes and sank into darkness.

❤

    You gasped awake, panicking as you felt the restraints on your body. You were freaking out and taking in your surroundings as all these memories flooded your mind. At one point you screamed, wishing you could grab your head, but your arms were restrained. You calmed yourself and took in some deep breaths, slowly looking up at the men surrounding you. They had been watching you calmly this whole time.

“So, do you remember now?” Hongjoong asked. “Do you remember us?”

“I… I remember…”

“That’s good. We-”

“You left me…”

“Huh?”

“You left me for dead… you tried to kill me!”

    You started screaming and thrashing in your restraints. This caught them off guard and San and Wooyoung quickly reached over to grab you and hold you still.

“Ya, ya, ya.” Seonghwa knelt down before you. “Easy now, you really think we left you for dead?”

“You did! You…” Tears stung your eyes. “You left me…”

“Oh baby, why did you run?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you run away that night? What reason did you have to run from us?”

“I…”

“Mingi said you were talking about the Black Pirates, and that you suspected us. Is that why you ran away?”

“Why… why did you chase me…”

“You didn’t seem to be in your right mind when you left, and to be driving, we were worried. We tried to get you to stop, but you wouldn’t. Then the unimaginable happened…”

“And you left…”

“You had one of our cars.” Yunho said. “We race with those, and they’re designed to survive a crash and flip. You were never gonna die.”

“Liar! How would I know that!”

“Cause you’re alive and well today, aren’t you?”

“Fuck you!”

“Easy now, easy.” Yeosang interrupted. “We just wanna talk. Now that everything is back in order we should clear things up, don’t you agree?”

“Let me go! You fuckers kidnapped me! You ran me off the road and tried to kill me and now this! You’re going-”

“Aish.” Hongjoong hissed. “Let’s just cut to it then.”

    Hongjoong stepped up before you and grabbed a handful of your hair, holding your head back. Some of the others didn’t like his actions but they said nothing, just watching.

“That night you came to our place, you went down to the garage with Mingi. One of our cars caught your eye. You recognized it as a car the Black Pirates used, even mentioning the partial plate. So now, my question is, how did you know that?”

“The news-”

“The news never reported on our crimes.” Hongjoong chuckled when your eyes went wide. “Yes baby girl, we’re the Black Pirates. The news reported the robberies, but never stated they were connected, never asked the public for help identifying a car or a partial plate, so how did you know about it? You a cop?”

“It was on the-”

“Y/n, sweetie, stop playing games.” Hongjoong let you go. “We know none of the car information was ever shared with the press, or leaked online. How so? We have an inside source. That means we know that the only people who had access to that information are somehow involved with the police. Now answer the question, are you a cop?”

“…”

“Perhaps you were an informant. That makes sense too. You stuck out like a sore thumb when you first came to the races, yet you were very social and befriended everyone.”

“That sounds like an informant.” Jongho added. “I remember you got so many phone numbers at your first party.”

“…”

“Why are you so silent now? You were yelling a few minutes ago.”

“Maybe we’re wrong.” San commented. “Maybe she’s an undercover cop. The authorities suspected street racers, and then she showed up.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Mingi interrupted. “Isn’t she close friends with Stray Kids? They suddenly came on the scene and rose to our ranks. Looking back on it now, that seems suspicious, doesn’t it?”

“Chan and the others have nothing to do with this!” You snapped.

“With what? Are you admitting to working for the police?”

“…”

“Come on now, the silent treatment again?”

“Baby, we already know the truth.” Wooyoung commented. “Chan and his little stray kids are undercover cops. We knew there was someone like that in our midst but we weren’t sure until you confirmed it for us.”

“Wa… what?”

“Don’t you remember? That night you went out drinking with friends and Yunho took you home. He was gonna drop you off at your apartment but you had him take you somewhere else. We peeked in later when it was empty and imagine our surprise at what we found.”

“No… no I didn’t-”

“Sh, it’s okay.” Yunho assured. “You were intoxicated that night, and you didn’t mean any harm. Thanks for the information, although that just begs the question, what are you? A cop or informant? My money is on the latter.”

“…”

“You don’t have to be shy. We-”

“Don’t hurt him… any of them… please…”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Seonghwa chuckled. “Are you ready to be honest?”

“Just leave him alone…”

“Alright. So what are you then?”

“A volunteer…”

“Huh?”

“I’m not a cop… or informant… I just wanted to help…”

“Is that why you were so genuine with us? It was never a mask. Do you consider us your friends?”

“… I did…”

“Did? Past tense? You know we were genuine with you too, right?”

“What does that-”

“We’re not bad guys.” Yeosang added. “We’ve never hurt anyone. Just robbed some banks.”

“Why…”

“That’s hardly the point here. We may have met under special circumstances, but we’re friends. More than friends I’d say.”

“What?”

“You know…” Jongho began. “That night, we wanted to invite you to come with us.”

“Huh?”

“You were done with school and we were leaving this place. We wanted you to join us. To go on a new adventure together. Of course you ran off before we could propose the idea.”

“Me? Why… why would I go with you?”

“Don’t you remember your birthday party? I think that night speaks for itself.”

“I… that doesn’t…” You took a breath. “Do you think we have something? That beyond being friends there was more to this relationship?”

“Well, isn’t there?”

“No… you were my friends once, but I was reminded time and time again we come from different worlds. Anything between us was never gonna work out, so I had to let go first.”

“And look how that went.” Mingi commented. “You got scared and ran off, got yourself hospitalized too. Gosh, it was so annoying when Chan came busting down our doors with the police. It makes more sense now how he managed to do that.”

“What did you say?”

“Did he not tell you? Once you were stable he stormed our house looking for any evidence to insinuate that we ran you off the road. Of course he was trying to use the fact we were in the middle of moving to make his point, but that got him nowhere.”

“…”

“As you know, we were always planning to move.” Yunho added. “It’s why we wanted to ask you that night, but of course even if things didn’t go our way, we still had things set up. So the move continued, even if Chan was crawling all over our property and checking all our vehicles. He walked away empty handed.”

“Leave him out of this. I won’t tell him anything, so just let me go.”

“Let you go? We have all kinds of history-”

“That’s the past. You left me for dead on the road, and never came back. We’ve already parted ways.”

Wooyoung chuckled. “We never came back? Is that what you think? Oh baby, that’s far from the truth.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“Aish. We were gonna get you from the hospital but Seonghwa got interrupted.”

“What?”

“We told you that we wanted to leave with you.” Seonghwa stated. “It was hard to find a moment when Chan wasn’t around to sneak in, and then you woke up to my surprise.”

“You… you were the one…”

“We were all so upset when Seonghwa reported your amnesia.” Hongjoong continued. “But you disappeared with Chan after you left the hospital so there was no way to check in on you. We had to wait till school started up again and hope to see you on campus. Thankfully we did, and the moments you interacted with some of us, it really showed you didn’t remember us at all. It was very upsetting, until we found out your memories were returning.”

“And so you kidnapped me?”

“We should be there for the important moment.”

“You drugged me and forced me-”

“Ya, that’s all in the past now. What matters is that you remember everything, and we’re together.”

“Let me go.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Let. Me. Go. I want nothing to do with you, so I won’t say anything. Just let me go.”

“What part of no did you not understand?” San questioned. “We’ve been waiting for you for months. You don’t get to walk away like this.”

“We’re not friends anymore, and weren’t not anything else. So let me go.”

“Or what?” Yeosang asked. “What are you gonna do? Cause you’re still tied up in our garage baby. You gonna escape?”

“You-”

“We have no intention of letting you go. You’re staying with us either way. So get comfy.”

“Let me-”

“We only came back to this old town looking for you.” Hongjoong stated. “Now that we found you we can make preparations to leave and be on our way.”

“You can’t do this! Chan will realize I’m missing soon and-”

“What? He’ll come knocking on our door like he did when you got into your accident? We already told you he walked away empty handed, and that’s gonna happen again. No one is taking you away from us, not even you.”

“You’re all fucken psychos!”

“Yeah, yeah maybe we are.” Hongjoong grabbed your face. “But there’s just something about you that calls out to me. From the moment our eyes met, I just knew I had to have you. Being near you felt right, as if we had been together before, as if it was meant to be. Like some kind of deja vu.”

“You won’t get away with this!”

“I’m sure you felt it too. Heck, when my boys got close you admitted to feeling something familiar about them. Not to mention how we met again.”

“You-”

“I know you get deja vu.”

“…”

“So let’s stop pretending, okay?” Hongjoong let you go. “You guys know what to do with her. Make sure she’s comfortable until we leave.”

“Got it.”

“No! No, you can’t do this!”

“Just hold on for a while longer.” Seonghwa kissed your head. “We’ll begin again properly.”

“Let me go! You psychos! Let me go!”

    Some of them walked off, meanwhile San and Wooyoung held you down again. Yunho walked up to you with another needle and you tried to get him away, but you could only watch as something was injected into your arm.

“Don’t be scared, everything’s gonna be okay, you’ll see.”

“No! Please, please don’t do this.”

“Sh, just get some rest. We can talk more later.”

     You felt someone undoing your restraints, and once you were free you tried to jump Yunho, but you could feel your strength leaving you. Despite your efforts you couldn’t stay awake, and he easily scooped you up in his arms. His gentle voice was lulling you to sleep, and eventually you shut your eyes. Fading into the unknown with no idea what awaited you.

“There, there, sweet dreams love. Dream of us.”

[jawnscoffee]

Sherlock's Wedding Speech

ok so this is a very random onehsot i've head in my head for AGES and it rained today and that means: perfect day to stay inside and write :D

the title says everything (even though i have NO idea if sherlock would actually say sth like this but i just love his best man speech way too much). hope you like it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ladies and gentlemen, family, friends, and...uhm... others. 

When I stood here for the first time, I was babbling something about telegrams that John received, which, in case you forgot, are still not actually telegrams; we just call them telegrams. I still haven't figured out why, by the way. I guess I'll just have to be content with the fact that it's a wedding tradition.  

When I stood here for the first time, I thought telegrams were stupid because I didn't know what it was like to receive telegrams myself. I didn't understand why people would congratulate you on something like a wedding or on finding somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. I thought it was stupid since a wedding is nobody else's business anyway, and after all, it is very rare that you actually do end up spending the rest of your life with the particular person you married that day.  I didn't understand because I didn't know back then what it felt like to have found someone you knew you would love for the rest of your life and even longer still, no matter what. I didn't understand because I didn't know what it felt like to be loved by this particular person just as much in return. 

When John Watson asked me to marry him, I suddenly did.  

John Watson. My friend, John Watson. My...love. 

When John first broached the subject of getting married, I was confused—even more so when he asked me to be his best man.  I confess that at first, once again, I didn't realise he was asking me. It took me a little longer to understand what he was saying than when he asked me to be his best man and why he, all of a sudden, knelt down in front of me. I couldn't express just a scrap of emotion, which, understandably, unsettled John a bit.  Looking back at it, I think the reason why I couldn't do it was because, just as I didn't expect to be anybody's best man or best friend, I didn't expect anybody to ever kneel down for me. Or, well, propose to me, as I later understood.  

For a very long time, I thought that a wedding was nothing short of a celebration of all that is false, specious, irrational, and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. I considered a wedding to be nothing but honouring the death watch beetle that is the doom of our society and, in time, one feels certain, our entire species. I, unfortunately, stated both of these fairly openly, if anyone has trouble remembering.  

When John knelt down in front of me and asked me to be his husband, though, this mindset died just like my false belief about telegrams, and I finally started to understand. 

John Watson right here is not only my helpmate during my adventures, which I consider to have been ours for a long time, actually. John Watson is not only the bravest, kindest, and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing, even though this is, by any means, the case. 

This man, whom I am lucky enough to call my husband from now on, is far more than that.  

John Watson is the person I have never even imagined meeting, since it takes a good bit of luck to meet your special someone. But I did have this luck. Because John Watson is my special someone.

He is the person I will love for the rest of my life and even longer, and he has saved me from so many misfortunes I'm unable to put into words.

He is not only my best friend and the one whom I love most in this world, but also the one who showed me what it's like to be loved in return. He showed me that receiving felicitating telegrams is actually not a stupid thing at all, because sometimes even I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found my very own kind of forever.

He showed me that weddings are not a death watch beetle that is the doom of our society, but rather a promise that I am more than willing to make.  

This time, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion, John. I'm still an utterly ridiculous man, redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship and...love. But, nevertheless, I will happily thank everyone who congratulates me. 

When I say I love this man and will love him until all eternity, it is the truest promise of which I'm capable.

I won't say that I love John more than anybody has ever loved anyone before, since you cannot and should not compare one love to another. However, when I say I love this man, I mean that I love him more than anyone will ever love him and has ever loved him before, and that I have a lifetime ahead to prove that.  

With the bright rings on our ring fingers, I've made an even brighter promise I will never forget to try to fulfil. 

John, when you knelt down, you made me, and this is something I can say for certain, the happiest man on earth.  I wish I could describe it more in detail, but I simply love you more than words can say.  

With the rings on our fingers, you stole the very last piece of my heart, and I'm not afraid to call myself a heartless man any more. 

I don't need legal papers to say that I'm yours and you're mine, because I already am and will always be yours. But if this is the way to celebrate the luck I've got, I'll be more than happy to raise my glass to the man who is not only my love but also my husband from this day on.  

I love you, John Watson, more than everything I've ever loved before. Thank you for making me the happiest I've ever been.    

tagging: @topsyturvy-turtely @a-victorian-girl @lisbeth-kk @peanitbear @just-a-fixed-point-in-time @dw91165 @writingloud @7-percent @blogstandbygoy @johnlockifconvenient @kat987 @mary-johnlocked @meohmycroft @consultingtribble @paulineholmes02 @jameshavinganxiety @lastsociopaths @catlock-holmes @jobooksncoffee (hope that's okay! tbh still don't get when and what people you're supposed to tag...)

[letters-from-dekarios]

My love,

I miss you terribly and only write to assure myself of your well-being. Baldur´s Gate without you has lost its hold on me. Can´t wait to be back in Waterdeep - only two more nights without you.

I was pondering our first nights as a group at camp and a question arouse. I can hardly believe that I never asked you.

How did you feel when you first realized I had developed feelings for you?

Yours always,

Athena.

My dearest love,

I miss you dearly. It has been too quiet without you here, by my side. Tara has started nagging me again, it’s getting awfully annoying. Sometimes I curse my young self for conjuring her, she’s like a second mother.

I cannot wait for your return, I have much planned for you when you get back. I won’t speak too much on it, as I’d like you to be surprised when you get here. Just know, even with my magic, it has taken a bit of effort to create it.

Your question is so… difficult to answer. There are many moments I can pinpoint in the grand scheme of things as I realized you loved me, from your interest in my miniature lecture on magic, to giving up magical artifacts at the drop of a hat for me— it was everything you did.

You had such a kind heart, always indulging as I went on long-winded explanations of things I’m almost positive you already knew. You listened to me, which many people rarely do. If one could die at any annoyance someone felt with them, I’d be buried a million times over. But you, oh my darling, you never made me feel that way.

There’s hardly words to describe how I felt, being loved by someone as selfless and adoring as you. It was comforting, having someone at my side, at my stead, who would go to bat for me when things turned south. I could have sacrificed myself a million times over to fix the world, but it would never heal the broken soul I’d have leaving you behind.

I suppose you could say it was exciting. You, and all your adventures, bringing me along with you. It was exciting knowing that I would be a part of that with you. It was also.. terrifying. You know of Mystra, the curse she bestowed upon me, how ready I was to give myself up and beg for her forgiveness. I was terrified of crossing her again, that perhaps she might take my lifeblood, my magic, away. It was like facing your worst fears a million times over, yet being so hopeful that you’d overcome them.

In short, it was exciting and scary at the same time. You could ask how scary it really was in comparison to our tadpole situation- and, truth be told, I was more worried about screwing things up with you than becoming a Mindflayer. How odd is that?

I will love you for a thousand lifetimes, until my last dying breath. With you, I forget myself, my goddess, my origin. I am ever so lucky to have you, to love you, to be loved by you. I write this with the upmost sincerity when I tell you I am truly the luckiest man alive- in all of Faerún.

I cannot wait for you to return, and I hope you share all your stories with me when you get back. Then, I can really show you just how much I’ve missed you in your time away.

Yours always,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

text reads: gale dekarios

[zzoguri]

[part one] of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ➵ ji changmin

non-idol!ji changmin x reader, slight non-idol!jacob bae x reader

you and changmin have been best friends since high school, having seen each other at their best and worst. now in your second year of university, you are given the opportunity to work with the unattainable 5th-year you have had a crush on since—jacob bae. with your best friend on the receiving end of your rambles, you could only hope for something to come out of your time working with jacob. that is until changmin decides he wants something more out of his relationship with you.

genre/warnings ➵ friends to lovers, slow burn, so much FLUFF, afab reader (they/them pronouns), drinking, expect a lot of sentimental talks and bantering between changmin and reader, a lot of publication talk (sorry i am a writer), sunwoo is a shithead (and a terrible wingman), slight chanhee x hyunjae (very minimal though), you used to have a crush on sunwoo by the way and now your friends like to laugh about it, sweet angel jacob with his SIGNATURE SMILE!!!, also he may not be unattainable after all???, changmin and reader are so lucky to have each other, slight suggestive dream at the end

word count ➵ 18.8k words

parts ➵ check out the series masterlist

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @winterchimez

a/n ➵ i am so glad to finally have this baby out!! i worked on this a few days after i published my sunwoo fic so :DD was debating whether this would be a changmin or jacob fic but the stars just pointed to my kyu <3 this is very slow burn so i hope you guys will stick with me all throughout! and please be kind if i fail to deliver the 2nd part asap </3 i have other writer duties </3 i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to like and reblog this.

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! main masterlist

There is something frightening that comes with growing up. First, you come into the world with hands too small to carry anything and a mind unable to grasp anything. And no matter how many years you continue on, you never know what to expect from a fickle thing called life. It is as if you impart on a dangerous journey; your knees get wounded; your eyes get tired; your heart gets bruised. Yet, there must be something in the end that makes all the injuries worth it.

The universe had many instances to give you reasons to believe that all the ups and downs you go through are worth it. Instead, you are given three demons that crashed into your feeble life—you cannot seem to get rid of them even if you tried.

“Y/N-ah!” A boy you have grown too familiar with over the years calls out to you while you were exiting the stuffy classroom filled with unknown faces.

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Sunwoo, have you not gotten tired of me? Can’t last a few hours without me?”

“Yah! I’m only here because you owe me.”

Kim Sunwoo—the reason why you have not known peace since… forever. You got to know him back in grade school where you shared the unfortunate fate of being classmates throughout the years. The shy boy was consistently your seatmate which forced you two to interact. What became casual seatmates turned into best friends that would stick together for every break time.

Somehow, you and Sunwoo have stuck together like glue since then. As the years went by, you have been present for every soccer tournament while he has been present for every competition. And somehow, you found yourselves in high school still joined at the hip. Your friendship has contradicted the popular belief of “losing your grade school friends when you enter high school.” You wish you knew how your friendship continued to survive in college waters.

“I owe you? Doesn’t the favor I asked from you make up for the one you asked from me then?” You frown as you walk with him.

Sunwoo nudges you and says, “That is not what we agreed on.”

“You are literally going off on your own terms, be for real.”

“C’mon Y/N! Don’t you love your best friend of 12 years?”

You give him a side-eye. “I cannot believe you are trying to play that card right now.”

“I always play that card.” Sunwoo shrugs, smirking as he walks with you. “I mean, I wouldn’t like to play the old crush card.”

You gasp at his statement and smack him. “I told you that in secret, you little shit!”

“See! So treat me now!”

Since you two grew up together, it was inevitable for you to harbor some form of infatuation towards the one boy you found yourself sticking with. It was an embarrassing period in your life considering how weird it is to think of Sunwoo under that light now. Thankfully, you got over that crush once you found yourself getting into K-Pop idols and streamers.

“You are so frustrating, Sunwoo.” You rest your back on the wall. “Can’t I just treat you another day? I do not have enough money to buy us both food.”

Sunwoo takes his spot beside you as he stares at the closed door opposite you two. “Fine! But don’t forget.”

“You always seem to make it a point to remind me.” You roll your eyes as he nudges you once more.

“Hey, I’m just trying to get back what I was promised. I mean, do you know the lengths I had to go to somehow get Ja–”

You place your hand on his mouth before he could say more. “Yah, Kim Sunwoo! You cannot be saying that shit out loud,” you whisper in the last sentence.

He grabs your hand and pushes it off his face. “I’m just saying! I’m not trying to spill your secret for everyone to hear. Do you have no faith in me?”

“You’re really asking me that?” You furrow your eyebrows.

“... Point taken.” Sunwoo gives a sheepish smile. “But it was hard to make it all work! You should be glad that I’m good friends with your little publication team.”

Before you could comment, you notice the door swing open as university students make their way out. You pushed your iPad down into your bag as you stood beside Sunwoo. 

“Yah, Changmin!” Sunwoo calls out as he raises his hand. As you tiptoe, you notice the boy who you have grown to love and hate all throughout high school. Once he catches sight of you two, he smiles and makes his way to you.

“Yay! You guys did wait for me,” Changmin says as he quickly stores his glasses away.

“Of course we did. You would scold us if we didn’t,” you say as you roll your eyes.

Sunwoo laughs. “Nice one, Y/N.” He gives you a high-five.

“Hey! You would get mad if I didn’t wait for you.” Changmin shakes his head as he latches onto your arm.

You chuckle and say, “Yeah, I would.”

Ji Changmin—what could you say about this one? Despite the chaos he brings to your world, he seems to be the one person you could handle in big doses. You love Sunwoo but the guy will not get off your ass.

Thanks to Sunwoo, you met Changmin in high school. When Sunwoo decided to look into other extra-curricular activities, he found himself falling in love with dance. And dance brought him to Changmin. The two shared a love for dancing as they found themselves on the dance team representing your school. With all the times Sunwoo and Changmin got along, Sunwoo felt it was only best to bring you and Changmin together.

It is funny to remember how you two first met. At first, you thought you and Changmin would just be friendly—only interacting if Sunwoo planned something among you three.

At first, you did not feel particularly happy about hanging out with Changmin. When you say this, you can only imagine the way people would react. Everyone seemed to love him just at first glance. You though… you were terrified of the guy. Maybe it is because there were not enough instances for you to get to know each other. It did not help that he was two years above you.

Sunwoo seemed to be the glue to keep your friend group of three together. However, it was only when you first joined your high school’s publication team that you got to see Changmin without Sunwoo. It came as a surprise to you then—seeing one of the best dancers in your high school do something that is not dance (minus studying, of course).

At first, you two were awkward as you worked without Sunwoo there to be his usual self. However, the more instances you worked one-on-one with Changmin, the more you realized that there is nothing to be afraid of. With his photos and your writings, you two became an unstoppable team in the publication.

You could remember when Sunwoo first noticed the change in dynamics between you and Changmin. What started off as jigsaw puzzle pieces that did not fit together turned into peas in a pod. Though you never expected that Changmin’s bantering with you could be worse than Sunwoo’s.

“Changmin, you never hold onto me,” Sunwoo says as he glares at you two.

“Because every time I do, you run away from me,” Changmin throws back as he shakes his head. “And Y/N never gets sick of me from holding onto them.”

The three of you started to walk side-by-side. “Where’s Chanhee?” Changmin asks.

“He said to meet him in the ramen place across the athletics building,” you answer as you try to fish out your phone from your pocket. You look down at your phone and send a message to Chanhee as your two friends talk.

y/n: we are on the way xP nyuging 🐧: okie! i got us a table already nyuging 🐧: don’t forget we need to work on the small businesses coverage after y/n: yessir! i’m free after we eat nyuging 🐧: are u fr? man, i have lit class right after the interviews nyuging 🐧: with mr. choi 😭 y/n: NOOOOOOOOO who tf am i gonna stay with nyuging 🐧: not my problem xP nyuging 🐧: you could actually stay with mr. bae 💗😍 y/n: STFUUUU

You groan over Chanhee’s message. “Why?” Changmin looks over at you.

“Chanhee can’t stay with me after we finish up the interviews, and I have to wait for my meeting around 5 PM.”

Changmin sighs and says, “Sucks to be you.”

“Nice one, Changmin.” Sunwoo laughs as he high-fives Changmin.

“Yah! Changmin, you don’t want to stay with me?”

“I have other important things to handle.”

You glare at Changmin and shrug his hand off your arm. “I’m not offering to drive you around anymore. Get used to walking.”

“Yah, I’m just joking!” He jokes around and attempts to grab onto your arm once more.

Sunwoo whines. “Why don’t you bother to ask me?”

“Because I know you’re going to use that time to bother me about how I still owe you.” All he could do was giggle.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you because I know you can’t survive without me.” Changmin smiles as he brings you closer to his side.

You side-eye the boy who manages to rile you up even more than Sunwoo can (maybe it is because you are used to Sunwoo’s antics). “You are so annoying.”

“Yah! Keep that shit up and I’m actually going to ditch you.”

“HEY! Don’t say that! Please, you know I’m never going to get any work done if I’m left alone.”

Changmin scoffs. “Exactly. That is why you need me.” You roll your eyes over his words.

It seems to always be like this with Changmin—sometimes warm, oftentimes cold to you. You did not mind the dynamic you had with him. If anything, it felt perfect since you learned to see how he shows his appreciation towards you without outright saying it. Regardless of the banter, you always find yourself being more sentimental with him compared to your other friends.

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” As you whip your head in the direction of where the sound came from, you see the guy of your dreams. Jacob Bae—the unattainable 5th-year in your publication.

The first time you met Jacob was when you got accepted into your university’s publication. Being the only fresh recruit in the Features staff, your editor, Moon Kevin, decided it would be best to get you acquainted with the small crew. Jacob was a senior when you first got to meet him.

Despite usually being terrified of those who were a few years older than you, there was something about him that made you feel at ease. Whether it was his smile or his soft-spoken tone, you always found yourself smiling over the thought of him. Although you never got the opportunity to work with him, you can only hope it would change this year considering your staff was short on manpower.

Your mouth goes dry as you freeze in your place. “Oh my god.”

“Oh no, please act cool,” Sunwoo mumbles as Jacob makes his way to you three.

Changmin nudges him and says, “You know they will not act cool.” Before more words could be shared, Jacob arrives in front of you with that soft smile that never fails to make your insides all mushy.

“Hey, Y/N!” The way he says your name almost has your knees go weak.

A beat of silence passes. You did not know what to say to the senior you had the biggest crush on. It is only when Changmin nudges you that snaps you out of your trance.

“Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you. W-where are you headed?” You squeak out as you give an awkward smile.

“I’m headed to meet with Kevin. I have an article to cram so he’s going to make some edits while I write.”

You gasp and say, “Oh god, good luck. I feel like I’d be too pressured to write anything.”

“Thankfully I’m used to it.” Jacob takes a look at Sunwoo and Changmin. “Hi, I’m Jacob. I’m on the same staff as Y/N.”

Once he puts his hand out, Sunwoo immediately grabs and shakes it. “It’s nice to meet you, Jacob hyung. I’m Sunwoo. I’m also friends with Kevin hyung.”

“Ah, you’re Sunwoo! Yes, Kevin has mentioned you.” Jacob gives a sheepish smile before he takes a look at Changmin. “And you are, Changmin?”

Changmin’s eyes go wide, shocked at Jacob knowing his name. “Yes, that’s me. How did you know?”

Jacob chuckles. “I know it because I have some friends from the Sports staff who cover a lot of stories about the dance troupe that you and Sunwoo are part of. Also, I’ve heard Y/N and Chanhee talk about you.”

Changmin smiles at you and pretends to hold his heart. “You talk about me? Awe, you two really cannot live without me.” You only elbow his side so that he could stop embarrassing you in front of Jacob.

“Anyway, it’s so nice to see you again.” You smile once more at him.

Jacob giggles and says, “Good luck with your coverage of small businesses. I wish I could’ve worked on that with you. I’ll see you later at the meeting?” You only nod to which he smiles.

“Bye Y/N!” And with that, Jacob walked away from you, leaving you with a heart so mushy.

“You seriously need to get better at making your feelings less obvious,” Changmin breaks the mood which only has you elbow him once more.

“You were literally embarrassing me in front of him!” You quietly exclaim as you three continue to walk to the restaurant.

Changmin hugs you and puts his whole weight on you, making your pace slower. “I’m just flattered that you think about me all the time.”

“You know damn well that Chanhee and I are complaining about you.”

Sunwoo laughs and says, “I can’t believe I’m the safe one here.”

“Yah, you are in no way safe. Tell him, Y/N.” Changmin attempts to argue as he stops hugging you (though his arm remains linked with yours).

You sigh and say, “Sadly, he is. I’m used to Sunwoo’s antics and I don’t spend as much time as I used to with Mr. Popular. You, however… I am getting sick of you. Chanhee is too.” Changmin gasps at your words.

“Yeah, I’m ditching you.”

“Changmin, I’m just joking! Please don’t leave me alone.”

It is 2:23 PM. You were with Chanhee as you were wrapping up your interview with the owner of the restaurant, Mr. Lim. The small business has a cozy feel whose dishes focus on the fusion of Korean and Filipino food.

“Thank you so much for letting me interview you!” You and Chanhee bow down to Mr. Lim.

He only shakes his head and hands out a small bag of thin butter cookies. “Please, it’s my pleasure. I look forward to reading that article! Enjoy these lengua de gato.”

“Ah, thank you so much!” Chanhee smiles. “We’ll make sure to visit you again, Mr. Lim!”

As you bid your farewells, you two made your way out of the restaurant. You and Chanhee walked while looking down at the notes and pictures taken.

“How are your pictures?” You ask as you peer over Chanhee’s shoulder to look at the viewfinder.

Chanhee lets out a hum as he scrolls through the photos he took. “I just need to do some minimal edits, but everything looks pretty good. Is your recording good?”

You nod at him as you play a snippet of the recording to him. “It sounds clear. I just hope that it doesn’t get corrupted like last time.”

“God, I remember when your recording got corrupted—in your first coverage too!”

You groan as you quickly stash away your phone and notes. “Don’t even remind me! I felt so bad because you were working with me too. Do you even know how embarrassed I was?”

“Of course I did. I could literally see the anxiety ooze from you when you were still a first-year student.”

You met your third devil, Choi Chanhee, in the publication. Although he is part of the Photos staff, you had the opportunity to work closely with him during your very first coverage for the university’s paper.

You remember it clear as day—you were tasked to cover the rise of artificial intelligence programs, specifically on the benefits and harm of these in the academe. He accompanied you to your interview with one of the professors since he was tasked to take pictures. However, your recording got corrupted and you were left with minimal notes. That is when you first learned the importance of taking note of everything.

Chanhee has been the nicest one out of the three devils you know. So far, you were always paired with him for all of your coverages. With so much time being spent together, you formally introduced him to your two best friends who seem to bully him in the same way they do with you. It helped that he is in the same batch as Changmin. Now, your friend group has expanded to four.

“I swear, I remember how much I cried to Kevin that day because I felt so bad,” you admit as you shake your head at the memory.

You two continue to walk until you finally arrive at Morning Roasters—the cafe you seem to frequent with Chanhee. He introduced you to this cafe when you had to cram an article on drag queens who studied at your university for June. 

“Why don’t you find a table and I’ll get our drinks?” Chanhee asks as he grabs his wallet. You nod and take a look around the packed cafe. It seemed as if every table was taken. However, when your eyes land on a familiar boy who was focused on his laptop, you could only smile.

“Changmin-ah!” You exclaim as you make your way to him.

When he looks up from his work, he rolls his eyes at the sight of you. “See, I told you I would stay with you.”

You take a seat beside him and lean your head on his shoulder. “Thanks. You know I wouldn’t have gotten any work done if I was left alone.”

He only hums as he continues to type away. “How was the interview? Did it go well?”

“Yeah, the owner is really nice. He gave us a bag of cookies,” you say as you place it on the table.

“Mr. Lim is nice. We should really eat there one day.”

Changmin stops typing and grabs the bag of cookies. As he attempts to open it, you elbow his side which he yelps at. “You’re not even going to ask if you can have some?” You scold him as you lift your head up from his shoulder.

“Can I have?”

You only roll your eyes. “Whatever, go.”

“The only reason he does that is because you react that way,” Chanhee says as he appears in front of you two with a cup of iced matcha for you and peach iced tea for himself.

“That’s true,” Changmin says before he finally grabs himself a cookie. As he takes a bite of it, he lets out a small moan at the taste. “Hey, you need to try this.”

Curious over Changmin’s reaction, you and Chanhee grab yourselves a piece and take a bite. “Oh shit, that’s good,” You say as you take one more bite of the milk cookie.

Chanhee takes a look at the time. “Oh shit, I need to go! I’ll see you in the meeting later!”

Before you and Changmin could say bye, Chanhee was already out of the cafe.

“Well, time to get to work,” Changmin says as you open your laptop.

As you peer over at Changmin’s screen, you notice that his screen was opened to a site you have not seen in a while.

“Oh my god, is that our high school publication?”

Changmin hums and says, “Yeah, I was just looking at some of my old photos. It’s crazy because I look at them and I feel a part of myself cringe. Like, why is it so bad?”

You laugh as you open the document that had your draft. “You would think that being accepted into your high school’s publication meant that you were a good writer or photographer. I feel like I have learned so much more now than I did then.”

The reality is that you only continue to learn—to grow in the work that you do. While growth may never be linear, it is a journey. Although Changmin found himself giving up on photography, you never let yourself give up on writing. But you two understood that he only wanted to invest more time into another hobby turned passion. 

For a moment, it is silent between you two. As you continue to type away, you notice that Changmin is still looking at his old articles. When you take a look at his face, you see that he is deep in thought.

“Hey, what’s up?” You ask which breaks him out of his trance.

“Sorry, I was just… thinking.”

“You want to share?”

For a moment, Changmin does not reply. It is usual for him to not want to share his sentiments. You never held it against him, but there are times when you wished he would feel safer to open up to you. You remember how easy it is for him to hide what he is going through.

“I… I was just thinking about how I managed to balance dance, the publication, and my studies back in high school. Now, I feel like I barely have time to keep up with dance or my work.” You only hum at his words.

“I think I just miss photography but not to the point where I would join the publication again. I don’t have the time anymore, but I do miss it, you know?” Changmin asks to which you nod.

“Yeah. I never realized how much time I had back in high school. Now, I feel like I’m drowning in… everything, really. I can only imagine it seems harder for you because you have the thesis to worry about.”

Changmin groans and says, “Oh god, why did you have to remind me!” He rubs his eyes. “I am literally suffering from this alone! At least I don’t need to deal with crap groupmates.”

You only laugh as you type away. “Well, you could still do some free-lancing while you’re working as a preschool teacher.”

“That is if I graduate on time,” Changmin purses his lips as he finally exits his old articles and looks at his thesis.

You nudge his shoulder. “Hey, I believe you can. And if you can’t, you’ll be fine. It’s normal.”

Changmin takes a good look at you as you continue to add some new information to your draft. “Yeah. Thanks, Y/N.” You only smile at him before you two decide to go back to work.

It is 7:32 PM. You were exhausted from your meeting with the Features staff and some people from the Photos staff (though it was still nice to see Jacob). Kevin spent a lot of the time going through what story pitches could be pursued for the rest of the first semester. Your brain felt exhausted from it all. However, there was something good that came from the meeting.

“Y/N, you will be working with Jacob on the coverage of K-Pop student idols here at our university.” You immediately look up at Kevin whose eyes are still focused on the iPad. “You two will also work on drinking culture amongst students and hustle org work lifestyle. Chanhee will be your assigned Photos staffer, as always.”

Your eyes land on Chanhee who has a small smile as he looks down at his camera. For a moment, you are scared to look at Jacob.

“Me? Really?”

Kevin hums as he finally looks up from his iPad. “Yeah. Since we’re short-staffed, I thought it would be good to just have some more collaboration articles to streamline all the work.”

You take this chance to look over at Jacob who seemed to be looking at you already, that godforsaken smile on his face. Your heart does somersaults at the idea of him looking at you without even noticing.

“Y/N?”

You snap out of your daze and finally give Kevin a nod. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

He smiles at you and says, “Well, that settles it. Jacob and Y/N will work on those three pitches while Seungcheol and Yunjin on the beauty standards and Halloween culture coverages. Lastly, Chaeyeon will work on the polyamory pitch.”

As everyone agrees with the assigned pitches, Chanhee nudges you. “Jacob hasn’t stopped looking at you.” Once he whispers those words, you feel your eyes drift over to Jacob who still had his eyes set on you.

You had no idea how you managed to get through that meeting without freaking out over that new piece of information. It sounded weird when you phrase it that way, but you are no better than a high schooler in love whenever you were thinking about him.

“That meeting felt a little too long,” Chanhee groans as he stretches his back.

You two were seated by the benches near the athletics center, admiring the starry sky. “I know. Kevin is stressed though so I can understand that he really wants to fix everything.”

With your staff smaller than last year, the Features staff could only pursue a few pitches. For Kevin, he cares about the well-being of each member which is why it made sense for him to have a meeting to ensure everyone was alright with their assigned workload.

“At least you’re gonna work with Mr. Bae,” Chanhee teases you which makes you elbow his side.

“Chanhee! Be quiet.”

Chanhee whines. “Oh come on! Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“I do but not here!”

“You’re so boring.” You only glare at him for a moment before you tilt your head back and close your eyes.

For a moment, you wanted to let yourself rest. It is until you feel someone tap your shoulder. “Chanhee, can’t you just–”

“Hi, Y/N.” Your eyes snap open as you see Jacob looking over you.

You quickly sit up straight and say, “Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you.”

“Yeah. Are you waiting for Sunwoo and Changmin?”

Chanhee nods. “Yeah, I think they’re just wrapping up.”

Jacob hums for a moment as he looks at the athletics center that is still lit up. “I’m also waiting for my friend. I don’t know if you guys know him but it’s Juyeon.”

“Of course, we know Juyeon hyung. He’s just as good as Changmin when it comes to dance,” Chanhee answers.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Kevin, Juyeon, some other friends, and I are supposed to be catching dinner. What about you guys?”

“Same here.” You scratch your arm. “But also because I’m going to be dropping them off at their place.”

“Oh, you drive? That’s cool.” You nod as you look down at your lap, shy over Jacob’s words.

Chanhee scoots further away from you. “Jacob hyung, do you want to take a seat?”

“Oh, thank you!” He says as he quickly moves to take a seat beside you. You feel yourself hold your breath over the distance between you two. You hated that you felt this way about this guy. 

“Y/N-ah.” You look up from your lap and look over at the guy beside you. “I don’t think I ever got to tell you this but I’m excited to work with you. I’ve seen your articles from last year and they’re really good.”

You cannot help the smile (or blush) that creeps up on your face. “Please, I am so honored to work with you. I mean, I’ve seen your byline how many times on articles I really loved reading.”

Jacob softly nudges your shoulder. “I’m glad that we’ll have our bylines beside each other.”

As a writer, you felt yourself die inside. You have heard poets speak of love in a way you could never utter. Yet, hearing Jacob say a phrase just as simple as that had you reimagining what love should be.

For a moment, you do not know what to say. Your eyes remain on him as he continues to look at students finally making their way out of the athletics center. You notice Chanhee peering over and mouthing the words “Bitch, say something.”

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N! Chanhee!” You whip your head to see Sunwoo running up to you guys with Changmin following behind.

“You would not–oh? Jacob hyung? It’s so nice to see you,” Sunwoo says as he tongues his cheek.

Changmin’s eyes widened at the sight of you and Jacob seated side-by-side. “Ah, Jacob hyung! Hello again.”

“Hi again. I’m just waiting for Juyeon actually.”

“Oh, he was just with us,” Changmin says as he looks back only to see Juyeon running to you four.

Juyeon pants and says, “Sorry! I just had to handle something real quick.”

Jacob gets off the bench and stands beside him. “First off, this is Juyeon. Juyeon, this is Chanhee and Y/N. They’re both from the school’s newspaper also.”

Juyeon’s eyes go wide. “Oh, you’re Y/N! Jacob hyung has mention–” Jacob quickly elbows him before he could say more to which he yelps. You feel your eyes go wide at the information.

“Ow! Jacob hyung, you didn’t need to hit me,” Juyeon complains as he rubs his side.

“Anyway, it’s nice to see you guys. Y/N, I’ll see you soon,” Jacob gives his signature smile before he walks off with Juyeon.

For a moment, you stay seated on the bench as Changmin, Chanhee, and Sunwoo look at each other.

“Did Juyeon just say… what I think he just said?” Sunwoo finally speaks out.

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm. “Did you hear him?! Jacob has talked about you!”

You cannot help but smile at the events that just played out. “Ah, look at that smile,” Changmin says as he shakes his head.

Sunwoo chuckles as he grabs your arm. “C’mon, let’s talk about what happened over dinner.”

It has been a few days since you first got paired with Jacob. You still cannot believe that the only reason that you finally get to work with him is that Sunwoo somehow spilled your secret to the one person you only hoped would never find out.

“What do you mean you told him?! Are you serious?!” You reacted as you stood up from your seat with your hands planted on the table.

“In my defense, Kevin hyung somehow connected the dots and would not believe me every time I denied it,” Sunwoo says as he raises his hands in defense.

After a long day, your friend group found themselves in Changmin and Chanhee’s place with boxes of Chinese takeout in each person’s hands. While you were talking about the events that transpired during the meeting, you noticed guilt prominent on Sunwoo’s face.

“Sunwoo! I only asked you to invite Kevin and Jacob to Eric’s next party, whenever that may be,” You groan as you find yourself collapsing back into your seat.

You feel someone bring your head to their shoulder as they rub on your arm. “You had one job. How could you have possibly fucked it up?” Chanhee asks as he shakes his head.

“Oh c’mon! I really tried to convince Kevin to bring Jacob to Eric’s Halloween party. I think it’s because he knows I don’t know Jacob at all. And he knows I’m best friends with you! Won’t you cut me some slack?” Sunwoo pouts as he tries to reach out for your hand.

You only scowl at him and cross your arms. “I am never asking you to be a wingman for me. I should’ve just gone to Changmin or Chanhee for this.”

“There’s no way Kevin didn’t connect the dots earlier with how you act around his best friend,” Changmin jokes after he takes a slurp of his black bean noodles.

You frown at him as you raise your head from Chanhee’s shoulder. “Be so for real right now. There’s no way he noticed because it’s not like I interact with him enough for Kevin to even see if I have a crush on him.” You nudge Chanhee which causes him to choke on his noodles. “Back me up here.”

“Are you kidding me?” Chanhee coughs out before he wipes his mouth. “I was literally eating.”

“Just back me up!”

He rolls his eyes. “Sure, I guess.”

Changmin smiles at Chanhee’s words. “See! Clearly, Kevin noticed.”

“Chanhee just said he agrees with me!”

“I really don’t. I just want to eat my noodles,” Chanhee says, which causes you to smack his arm.

You groan and say, “You all suck. Even Eric is nicer to me and we barely interact.”

“Yeah, but you love us.” Changmin winks at you. “You can’t survive without us three.”

You only scowl since he was pointing out the truth.

Now that you know that Kevin is aware of your silly crush on Jacob, you have been on edge. You were afraid that he might have told Jacob since it seemed like something he would want to mention. That is why you were with Changmin as you anxiously waited for the arrival of the one 5th-year student who seemed to make you hyperaware of your own actions.

“I’m so scared.”

“You’ll be fine.”

You groan as you keep staring at the door. Currently, you and Changmin were at the university’s outdoor area with enough picnic tables for a hundred students. Although you two had your laptops out, only one was clearly focused on their work (clearly, it was not you).

“Changmin!” You exclaim as you finally reach out to the guy beside you, gripping his arm. “Do you think Kevin told him?”

Changmin rips his eyes away from his thesis document and gives you a good look. “Yes.” Once you let out a whine, he only laughs as his eyes set back on the unfinished document. “You will be fine! All you need to do is act natural… if you can.” As he mutters those last words, you smack his arm.

“Oh god, what if he just ditches on the meeting?”

“You are seriously overthinking this.”

“I mean, I would ditch a meeting if I found out someone younger had a crazy crush on me.”

Changmin looks at you and gives you a frown. “Are you really that unprofessional? Do you really think Jacob hyung would be that unprofessional?”

“No, but he could still surprise me,” you say as you look at your opened document that showed your possible list of interviewees for the K-Pop idol students coverage.

Changmin scoffs and says, “Yeah, just give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, I could never imagine anyone younger having a crush on you—let alone anyone liking you that way.”

You gasp and shove Changmin to the side. “Ji Changmin! How could you say that!”

“What? It’s true though!” You only frown at his words and look back at your document.

“Yah, leave now. I hate talking to you.”

“I’m just joking!” He hugs you. “Those who don’t think of you as someone crush-worthy are just blind.” You only hum as you continue to type away. “Though, it would still be weird to even imagine it.”

“Yah!” You shove his arms away as he only laughs.

You sigh as you look at him and back to your document. “I can’t believe I have put up with you for 5 years.”

“Yeah, remember when you used to like Sunwoo?” You shove him once more which only has him erupt into giggles.

“What? It’s just funny to think about,” Changmin admits, which makes you roll your eyes.

“You used to like Sunwoo?” Both yours and Changmin’s heads whip up to see a confused Jacob.

Your lips part open. “J-jacob! We didn’t notice you got here.”

Jacob chuckles as he scratches the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It’s just that while walking to you two, I overheard that part of the conversation.” He then takes a seat across from you two.

“Oh.” You scratch your arm. “It’s nothing like that. It was just a small crush then because we grew up together. But when I look back at it, it’s just so silly! Like, me liking Sunwoo? So weird, am I right?” You elbow Changmin which only has him yelp. “Right, Changmin?” As you look at him, you give him a smile that only says “Say something.”

“Y-yeah, it was a weak moment for them. It’s something the group laughs about because they got over it so quickly,” He says as he smiles at the guy older than him.

Jacob laughs as he takes out his laptop and says, “I get it. Sometimes, it gets hard to really tell whether you like a friend because you see them as a potential partner or you like what’s familiar.”

For a moment, you process his words. “Yeah… that’s exactly it.” You nod.

Jacob is right. When it comes to liking a friend, the reason behind it tends to get confusing—the line between a potential partner and just someone familiar tends to get blurred. When you looked back at your strong and short-lived crush on Sunwoo, you realized that you never got a good understanding of whether those feelings were as genuine as you thought they would be.

He hums as he opens his laptop to the document you share with him. “Anyway, it’s nice to see you. Also you, Changmin.”

“Yeah.” Changmin closes his laptop and puts it in his bag. “I’ll head out since I’ve got a meeting to attend to.”

“Oh, I see! It was still nice to see you,” Jacob says with a smile so precious; you wish you could capture it.

Changmin smiles back at him before giving you one final look. “Just call me when you’re done, okay?” You nod at him to which he gives you a squeeze on the shoulder and a wink.

With that, he left your table. You watched him walk away with a little bounce on his feet. As you look back at the person in front of you, you realize that you are now alone with Jacob.

“Are you ready to work?” As soon as you nod, he gives you that all-knowing smile that speaks a thousand comforting words. 

It is 6:38 PM when Sunwoo decides to barge into your room. It has been three days since you had your meeting with Jacob. Other than work, not much happened (though you still keep replaying his smile in your head). You are lying down on your bed with Changmin as you watch Lee Youngji’s No Prepare with Bibi.

“Let’s go to Mingyu’s party!” You and Changmin pay no attention to him as you continue to watch the video.

Sunwoo groans as he flops down on your bed and says, “C’mon! We haven’t partied in ages. Don’t you guys miss it?”

“No,” Changmin scoffs, which makes him smack Changmin’s leg.

“Y/N? Don’t you want to drink?” He looks at you with glassy eyes and a pout. You only flip him off which makes him whine. “Ah, c’mon! Chanhee said he’d go if you two would. Why don’t you guys want to drink?”

You start to groan and pause the video. “Sunwoo, can’t I watch my girlfriend Bibi in peace with Changmin?”

“No.”

“Sunwoo, I would love to but…” You tap your iPad screen to look at the time. “... I have to study for my test tomorrow. I cannot risk getting a hangover.”

“Then just don’t drink a lot!”

“You know that’s impossible,” Changmin mutters, which makes you smack his arm. “I’m just pointing out the obvious!”

You sit up and say, “Yeah, well… ugh, you’re right. I actually can’t go.”

“Oh, come on! What if we watch over you?” Sunwoo attempts to convince you.

You turn your head to look at Changmin who was already staring at you. “What do you think?”

“Why do you only ask Changmin?”

“Because I know I can’t trust you to watch over me.” You look back once more at Changmin who was deep in thought.

“Fine.” Changmin sighs as he sits up. “I’ll take care of Y/N.”

“Ah, thank you, Changmin!” Sunwoo exclaims as he hugs him.

“Yah, get your hands off me!”

The four of you arrived at Mingyu’s friend group’s shared house at 8:34 PM. The place was filled with students of different years; some you recognized while others were a mystery.

Since the three boys always hung out at your place, they already had some pieces of clothing stored in the corner of your room. All four of you were dressed up in casual clothing adorned with different accessories.

“Okay, we all have to agree that we're leaving together. That means no one is left behind nor does anyone just decide to leave early without our knowledge,” Chanhee says as he points at you and Sunwoo.

You sigh and nod. “We leave at 12:30 AM. And no Sunwoo, we aren’t leaving later than that.” Sunwoo only pouts. “I actually have a class to attend that I cannot cut.”

“Yeah, yeah. C’mon, let’s go!” He exclaims as he drags Chanhee into the house.

You frown as the two disappear from your sight. Changmin links arms with you which makes you look at him. “You’ll take care of me, right?” He only smiles and drags you into the house.

As the two of you were walking, he would greet people he would recognize. It was only when you finally reached the kitchen area that you were pushed to sit down on one of the stools. You watch his back as he mixes up a drink for you.

“Y/N, I’m going to limit you to drinking like… three drinks maybe,” Changmin says as he finally turns to look at you with two red cups in his hands.

As he hands you his mixed concoction, you sniff it. “What is this?”

“Something fruity… like you.” You only roll your eyes as you finally take a sip.

The tanginess of orange and the sweetness of strawberries filled your mouth. “Woah, it tastes like fruit punch. When did you learn to make this one?”

“I’ve made this for you before.” Changmin takes a sip from his cup. “I think you were just too drunk to remember it.”

You frown at him as you take another sip. “I have no idea why I’m here. Man, I should be studying for my test.”

“To be fair, you made me study with you before we started watching Youngji’s video.” Changmin looks through the snack table and grabs some chips for him to munch on. “And you seem to know your shit pretty well. You’ll be fine.”

“That’s true,” You say as you down your drink.

“You finished your drink already?!”

You give a guilty smile as you hand your cup to Changmin. “It was good.”

“Y/N, you’re supposed to drink slowly! You’ll get drunk if you drink way too fast.”

“No way, that shit tastes like juice.”

Changmin groans and says, “Y/N, that has like how many different alcoholic drinks in that cup. There’s like tequila, vodka, and other shit.”

You gasp as he finds something to put in your cup. “Jesus, Changmin! I thought you were going to take care of me.”

“Yeah, but I thought I could trust you enough to at least handle it yourself also. God, drink some water.” Changmin hands you a cup now full of water.

Once you down the cup, you throw the cup away.

“Yo, Changmin!” You hear someone call out your best friend’s name. Changmin sighs as he looks at you.

“You can go to that, I’ll be fine here,” You say with a smile.

“Remember, only three drinks, okay?” Once you nod, Changmin pats your head and makes his way out of the kitchen.

You sat alone as you looked over the snacks in front of you. You were not the type of person to mope around, and you did not want to force your friends to keep you company. With people coming in and out of the kitchen, you decide to grab your phone and look through Twitter to pass the time.

That is until you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” When you look up, you are surprised to see Kevin making his way toward you. It is only when he gets closer that you notice the cute 5th-year student trailing behind him.

“Oh! Kevin… and Jacob? It’s so nice to see you here,” you say as you quickly put your phone away. It is not that you did not expect to see Kevin and Jacob—scratch that, it is exactly that. You were not expecting to see your editor and your crush at a party where you were left to your own devices.

“Hey! Why is my favorite writer all alone?” Kevin asks with a pout.

Jacob makes his way to the stool beside you and takes a seat. “Hi,” he says with that familiar smile that still gives you butterflies.

“Ah, I came here with Chanhee, Changmin, and Sunwoo. They just have other friends they’re talking to so it’s fine,” you say as you scratch your arm.

Kevin grabs some fries and pops them into his mouth. “Damn, well don’t you worry. Both Jacob and I are here to keep our favorite 2nd-year some company.”

The best thing about Jacob and Kevin is that they never once made you feel excluded. In the work you do and all social gatherings that the members of the publication are invited to, they always seem to look out for you. Although you may not know the people they were planning to meet at this party, they still chose to stay with you.

“But first, let’s take some shots!” Kevin exclaims which only has Jacob groan.

“Kevin, the last time you did shots you were blackout drunk. Do you not have class tomorrow?”

“I actually do not! My professor decided to cancel class so I am free to drink!” Kevin smiles as he looks through the selection of liquors. “Will you drink with me, Y/N? Since Jacob is the designated driver.”

For a moment, you look back and forth between Jacob and Kevin. You knew that you would be in big trouble if you drank too much. That is why Changmin could not get mad at you if you drank in moderation.

“Yeah, fuck it. I’m not a lightweight.”

What turned into one shot turned into four shots and two cups (you think) of Jacob’s specialty cocktails. If you were not feeling the buzz then, you were definitely feeling it now. It helped that the alcohol was giving you enough confidence to talk to Jacob freely.

“Damn Y/N, you really know how to handle your liquor,” Kevin points out as he takes a sip from his drink prepared by Jacob.

“Jacob, you know how to prepare drinks for someone who does not usually attend parties,” you say with a small giggle following.

He smiles as he takes a sip from his cup of apple juice and says, “I think I could look into bartending if my degree in Korean Language and Literature fails to get me a job.”

“Hey! I still think you could look into singing,” Kevin says as he nudges Jacob.

You feel your eyes widen at the new piece of information. “You sing?” As you start to notice Jacob’s cheeks get tinted pink, you cannot help but hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Yeah.” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “I’ve been doing it since high school.”

“You write and sing? Jesus, you got everything,” you say as you eat some chips.

“And he’s pretty good at basketball.” You gasp at this newfound information. “That’s what I’m saying!”

Jacob rolls his eyes as he playfully shoves Kevin. “I don’t have everything. I barely know how to dance.”

“Okay, but you could learn!” Kevin bounces his shoulders up and down. “I believe you could be an idol if you wanted.”

“You could have been a perfect interviewee for the K-Pop idol students coverage we’re doing.”

Jacob laughs at what you say and shakes his head. “Yeah, but I like what I do now.”

Kevin sighs as he wraps his arm around Jacob’s shoulder. “You are too humble for this world. You’re like an angel—not everyone will be blessed to have witnessed you.”

“That’s actually… so true. Wait, you kind of cooked with that,” you say which only has Kevin laugh.

“Right? God, I am such a writer.”

Before you could say anymore, you feel someone grab onto your shoulder. When you look behind you, you see Changmin with a disappointed look. “How much did you have?”

You take a moment to process his words which only makes him grab onto your face. “Y/N.” He scolds as he feels how hot your cheeks are from the alcohol.

“I swear, I’m okay,” You say as you clutch his hands that rested on your cheeks.

“How much did you drink?”

“C’mon, Changmin. I swear–”

“How much?”

You sigh as you move your hands back down to your lap. “Like… 2 more drinks.”

“In the time I was gone?!”

“Hey, Y/N said they were fine, right?” Kevin attempts to step in.

You nod which makes Changmin finally let go of your face. “Yeah, I’m okay. I swear.”

He only sighs as he sets his hands on his hips. “You sure?” Once you nod, he finally lets it go.

“Sorry, it’s just that I was in charge of taking care of Y/N but Juyeon and some other people from the dance team called for me. Hi again, Kevin and Jacob hyung.” He smiles at the two.

Jacob smiles and says, “It’s fine, you’re only looking out for them.”

Before more could be said, you hear someone call out your names. “Y/N-ah! Changmin-ah! Come here!”

As you look to where the sound came from, you can see a tipsy Sunwoo waving his arms at you from the living room. “Bring Jacob hyung and Kevin hyung too.”

“Is… he okay?” Jacob asks as he stands up straight.

You get off your stool and say, “I don’t know.”

Before you decide to leave the kitchen, you reach out for Changmin’s hand and drag him out. The four of you make your way past the busy crowd until you finally see Sunwoo, Chanhee, Juyeon, and some other people you did not recognize. At the coffee table, you see different cups and bottles. Yet, there is one particular cup that catches your eye—one filled with whatever you can imagine.

“We’re testing each other’s loyalty.” As soon as Chanhee says that, Changmin groans.

“Are you serious?”

Sunwoo smiles as he wraps his arm around Changmin’s shoulders. “It’ll be fun! Kevin, Jacob, Juyeon, and Hyunjae are in one team while we are in the other!”

“Wait, but I can’t drink. I’m driving,” Jacob says, which only has Kevin laughing.

“Don’t worry, you’ll just be the last.”

In the loyalty game, you are split into two teams. If your team loses playing rock, paper, or scissors, you all have to drink one shared cup of whatever alcohol concoction the other team made. The real test of loyalty lies in how much your team is willing to drink before forcing the last person in line to drink the rest.

Whenever you four played this game, there was always a shithead (usually Sunwoo) who would drink as little as possible so that the remaining members would drink more. You could not get mad at Sunwoo for usually doing such; it sounds like something you would do too. However, with you having a test tomorrow, you really did not want to risk anything.

“Are we really doing this?” You ask as Sunwoo pushes you and Changmin to his side.

Sunwoo only nods as both he and Chanhee have their hands out. “C’mon, we need to decide the order.”

While the other team was busy deciding their order, you four were playing amongst themselves. Despite what you wanted, the universe had its own plans—the order was Chanhee, Sunwoo, Changmin, and lastly, you.

“Oh, c’mon! Sunwoo, your ass better drink,” you exclaim as you groan.

“Has your order been decided?” Hyunjae, someone you only met right before the game, asks which has you four falling in line.

The other team was ordered by Kevin, Juyeon, Hyunjae, and Jacob. As everyone let out their hums of approval, the game began. You were not paying attention to how the game was playing out as you were up in your thoughts. It is only until you come face-to-face with Jacob’s angelic face (though you do not miss that he had his hand out).

“W-what? You guys lost?!” You exclaimed as you looked at the three devils you always seem to be teamed with.

Sunwoo scratches the back of his head and says, “I believe in you?”

“Your tone makes it sound like you don’t!”

“If it helps, you have a good chance of beating me. I usually suck at these,” Jacob says with a smile.

Somehow, you allow yourself to be fooled by that smile. You block out every sound as you continue to be entranced by his features. That is why when you play the game, you do not realize that you played paper while he played scissors.

Jacob’s team cheered as they grabbed onto him. As the opposing team cheered, your team was left disappointed. You all looked back and forth between each other and the singular cup that rested on the table.

“Bottoms up!” Kevin exclaims which has Chanhee pick up the cup.

He gives you three a good look before he takes a big gulp of the drink. With only ¼ of the drink left, he hands it to Sunwoo who only has a sly smirk on his face.

“Sunwoo, don’t you dare.”

Somehow, the universe made sure to give you one shithead that you would have to endure for the rest of your life. It had to be a shithead that you could never imagine life without. Why did that shithead have to be Sunwoo?

Sunwoo only took a small sip from the cup and handed it to Changmin, earning laughs from the opposing team. Although you could hear Chanhee scolding him, it clearly did not matter to him. You and Changmin give a good look at each other.

“Hey, I can handle it,” You say as you try to tug on his arm.

You do not know how many drinks Changmin already had, but you knew that your friend could not handle his alcohol as much as you could. Still, he chose to ignore your protests as he looked back at everyone.

He tipped the cup back and downed more than he could clearly handle. “Wow, Changmin-ah!” The others cheered. You were only left with barely a dribble of alcohol as he finally handed you the cup. Although everyone was happy with how much he drank, you were worried.

“Changmin, you are so strong,” Kevin says as he pats his shoulders.

You notice the way Changmin wobbles in place. “Ah, come on,” you say as you force him and yourself to take a seat on the couch.

“You didn’t have to drink that much,” you scolded him as you signal Chanhee to get some water for the both of you while the others seemed off in their own worlds.

“It’s fine. I didn’t want you to drink too much because you have a test tomorrow,” he says as he leans his head on your shoulder.

Changmin would always spend his time looking out for you even if you did not ask. It has always been like that since you first became friends with him. Somehow, you were always under the care of your best friend. 

You sigh as you rub your hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, but you could have left a little for me. I know you are worse with alcohol than I am.”

Chanhee arrives with two cups of water. “C’mon, drink up.”

You grab your cup and quickly drink it up before setting it down on the table. You grab Changmin’s cup from Chanhee and try to nudge the boy beside you.

“Hey, you need to drink some water,” you say, which makes Changmin finally grab the cup and finish as much as he can.

You nudged him once more to finish the whole cup of water to which he listened. “Good. You need to drink water after how much you’ve drank.”

Chanhee sighs at the sight of his two friends who were sprawled on the couch and said, “Sunwoo, I think it’s time we go.”

“W-what? Why?” Sunwoo whines as he takes a seat beside his drunk friends.

“I’m tipsy and your friend here is fucking drunk,” you say as you point to Changmin whose head was on your shoulder and eyes were getting droopy.

Sunwoo frowns for a moment. “Fine, let’s go.” He attempts to stand up with the help of Chanhee.

“Hey.” You nudge as you whisper to Changmin. “Let’s go home, okay?”

He looks up and stares into your eyes for a moment. And suddenly he erupts into giggles.

“Y/N-ah, your face is so funny.”

You roll your eyes at what he says and nudge him off your shoulder. As he whines, you help him off the couch. His arm wraps around your shoulder as he slouches beside you.

“Hey, let me help,” Jacob says as he helps hold up Changmin.

“Ah, thank you.”

The three of you slowly make your way out of the house and see Sunwoo and Chanhee standing by the sidewalk. You only notice that Kevin followed as soon as he spoke. “Hey, do you and your friends need a ride back to your place?”

“Oh, you don’t have to! We were just going to get an Uber,” you attempt to reassure them.

Jacob shakes his head and says, “No, it’s fine! I think it would be safer for you also.”

You bite your lip as you look at Chanhee. All he does is give you a shrug as he continues to nurse Sunwoo. As soon as you sigh, you decide to give in to your editor’s offer.

“Thank you, Kevin and Jacob. I’m sorry about this. Please let Chanhee and I pay you back for this.”

“It’s fine! It’s nice to see you and your friends,” Jacob says with a smile.

As your group makes its way to Jacob’s car, you notice that his car is big enough to carry at most eight people. Sunwoo and Chahee got in the third row of the car, you and Changmin got in the second row, and Kevin sat in the shotgun. Once Jacob turned on the ignition, you told him the address of Changmin and Chanhee’s place.

The ride was mostly quiet with the occasional grunts from Sunwoo. Changmin was fast asleep on your shoulder as you stared out the window.

Usually, the roles would have been reserved—Changmin would spend most of his time taking care of your drunk ass. Yet, to see him go to such lengths to make sure you do not miss your test warms your heart.

It is 11:35 AM. You were on your way back to Changmin and Chanhee’s place to check up on the three boys. Thankfully, your test was not too hard. You knew that if you studied a little harder, you could have aced it.

As soon as you arrived at their place, you knocked on the door only to be greeted by Chanhee who was pretty alive. “Hey, how are they?” You ask as you step in and remove your shoes to put aside.

“Sunwoo is fine. Changmin, however, is dying. I think he’s just been in bed,” he says as he closes the door behind you.

You quickly make your way to Changmin’s room and open the door to only see him still in bed with squinted eyes. As you pout at the sight, you quietly make your way to the bed and sit down beside him. Due to the sudden action, his eyes snap open which has you show him a guilty smile.

“Hey, Changmin-ah.” You set your hand on his leg and lightly rub it up and down. “Are you okay?”

It takes a moment for him to process your words. As soon as he lets out a groan, you only chuckle.

“I got you something.” You look through your bag and pull out a bottle of hangover cure before dropping it to the floor. “I know you usually drink this before drinking, but I think it would still help you now.”

Changmin only hums one more as his eyes start to get droopy. 

“C’mon, drink this before you go back to sleep,” You say as you scoot closer to him.

You helped him sit up straight and opened the bottle for him. Although Changmin grabbed it, you helped make sure he would finish it before placing it on the bedside table. He started to lie back down on the bed, dragging you along.

“Hey.” You try to move only for him to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle his face into your neck. “Changmin, I–”

Changmin only shushes you. For a moment, you two remain like that. He always seems to cling to you whenever he can. In your time knowing him, you have always noticed that he likes physical touch more than your other two friends. It never bothered you. If anything, it felt nice to know that there would always be someone who would want to cling to you—if he needed to do so, you always found yourself allowing it.

“Changmin-ah, we have practice,” Sunwoo says as he enters the room to see you two cozied up.

As he takes in the sight, he only frowns. “Is he still dead?”

You frown back and whisper, “You guys have dance practice? We should have never gone out drinking, the fuck.”

“To be fair, I was not expecting him to drink that much.” Despite Sunwoo’s attempts to defend himself, you only flip him off.

You look at the guy sleeping next to you, feeling his breath against the side of your neck. The thing with Changmin is that he hates missing practice. There have been instances where he would get a fever and be extremely guilty for missing it.

As you sigh, you look back at Sunwoo who only had a guilty smile plastered on his face. “Let him sleep in. He’s not in the state to practice right now.”

“Y/N, you know he’s going to be mad if he misses out on practice.”

“Well, let him be mad.” You frown. “He can be mad at me for all I care. Let him rest, I already feel bad that he’s like this because of us.” With that, Sunwoo nods and leaves the room.

It is 7:43 PM. You and Jacob finished interviewing Song Yuqi, a member of (G)I-DLE‎. Your next and last interview for your assigned coverage would be four days from now with Choi Yeonjun of TXT. 

“Ah, what a day!” You exclaim as you made your way out of the classroom you were interviewing Yuqi in. Jacob and Chanhee trailed behind you with slouched shoulders.

Chanhee only sighs as he looks through the photos he took. “Tell me about it.”

“Nice work, you two. I can’t believe it’s this late already.” Jacob takes a look at the time. “What do you guys have planned now?”

“I’m actually going to hang out with Hyunjae hyung.”

You gasp at Chanhee’s words and smack his arm. “How come I didn’t know about this?!”

“To be fair, not much has happened. We just exchanged numbers at the party,” he mumbles the last sentence. “Which is why I need to go. I’ll see you guys for Yeonjun’s interview!”

With that, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Care to walk with me?” You give him a smile and nod. As the two of you walked, a comfortable silence came. Throughout your time working with Jacob, you felt happy to be with him whether you two were talking about nothing or everything.

“So, how are you? How’s Changmin and Sunwoo?” You laugh at Jacob’s question.

It has been a week since you went to Mingyu’s party—a week since Changmin took care of you. Throughout the week, you have not been able to spend time with him and Sunwoo due to the press cycle work. Chanhee could easily see them since he lives with Changmin.

At first, you were fine with it since it meant you were spending more time with Jacob (with Chanhee joining every once in a while). You got to learn more about him outside of the image you created in your head.

He has always loved to sing and play basketball since he was young. However, it was only in high school that he obtained this newfound love for Korean literature. The more he ventured into the topic, the more he felt happy with pursuing it as his course.

What surprised you is that he never planned to write for the university’s newspaper. Despite being one of the best writers you know in the publication (not an overstatement), he only applied because Kevin dragged him to do so. You never knew that their friendship went way back since high school.

As the days went by, you started to miss your other best friends. You texted them occasionally in the group chat but not much was said other than reasons why you could not meet up with them. Your time with Jacob sadly could not make up for the fact that you missed hanging out with your best friends.

“They’re okay. I haven’t been hanging out with them that much since the party because of the work we do,” you admit.

Jacob pouts and says, “I can only imagine since they do have practice also. That’s why I find it hard to hang out with Juyeon as well.”

You only sigh as you two make your way out of the building. “Yeah, I just miss seeing them. I know they have been stressed about the upcoming competition also so it doesn’t help that we’re just busy.”

“Yeah, it’s funny how even if we're all in the same university, it’s still hard to find time to hang out.”

Jacob is right. With your friend group coming from different courses, years, and extracurricular activities, it does get hard to find time to meet. Despite fixing your schedules to make sure that you all would have lunch together, some obligations seem to get in the way.

Yet, you four always made it work. No matter how different your schedules may be or how different your priorities are, your friend group always found its way back to each other.

Before you could say more, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. Once you take it out, you notice a message from Changmin.

qramzi 🐿️: are you free rn? qramzi 🐿️: if you are, come to the dance studio

“You should go to him.” You look up only to see Jacob smiling at you.

You pout and ask, “How did you know it was from one of them?”

“Just a feeling.” He hums as he looks at the athletics center from afar. “Also, you kind of have this certain smile every time you talk to your friends—it’s nice to see.”

You cannot hide the blush that starts to creep onto your face. It never dawned on you that Jacob has observed you enough to notice such a small detail. As soon as his smile got bigger, you were certain that he noticed how flustered you were.

“I’ll see you a few days from now. Thanks, Jacob.” And with that, you were off to the athletics center.

The moment you got into the center, you could hear the faint sounds of “No Diggity” by Blackstreet from afar. You walked to the source until you arrived in front of the door leading to the main dance studio. As soon as you swung it open, you could see your best friend in the middle of a dance routine.

Changmin was dressed up in jogging pants and a white shirt that was starting to cling onto his torso. You could notice the light shine on his skin, glistening from sweat. Only time could tell how long he has been practicing. 

The moment he spots you through the mirror, he quickly halts his movements and runs toward you. “Y/N-ah!” He barely gives you time to enter the studio and wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Changmin! You’re sweaty!” You complain as he continues to hold onto you. As you closed the doors behind you, he finally let go of you with a big smile on his face. “You get so happy to see me. Maybe I should just avoid seeing you,” you joke only for him to roll his eyes.

“Don’t even try. You know damn well you can’t survive without seeing me too.”

You only smile as you follow him back to the spot where he was practicing. He reached out for his phone to pause the music while you sat on the ground to lean your back against the mirror.

“So, is there any reason you called me here?”

Changmin shrugs as he wipes the sweat off his forehead. “Just missed you, that’s all.”

“Be for real right now.”

“Fine. I need a ride back home.” You roll your eyes as Changmin starts to beg you.

“C’mon! You know how hard it is to find a ride back at this time, especially at our university.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Just buy me dinner at least.”

Changmin frowns and asks, “You haven’t eaten?” Once you nod, he shakes his head and grabs his phone before taking a seat beside you. “You really need to eat.” He passes you his phone. “How do you even survive your meetings with an empty stomach?”

“To be fair, I had a late lunch.”

“And what exactly did you eat for your late lunch?”

“Well…” You give a sheepish smile. “Some yogurt.”

“Exactly what I thought. Whatever, just order something for the both of us.”

“That was good,” you say as you rest your hand on your belly.

Changmin is seated across from you with a frown on his face. “Really? I wasn’t able to tell since you practically devoured my food.”

“Hey! You were the one who offered your food to me!”

Changmin laughs and ruffles your hair. “I’m just kidding.” You frown and attempt to fix the mess he created.

“You have a competition, right? At the end of the semester?”

“Yeah.” Changmin sighs as he looks down at his phone. “It’s happening around late November so that it doesn’t coincide with finals season.”

You decide to ask him the golden question. “How is it so far?”

For a moment, Changmin does not respond. He lets his head loll backward and stares up at the ceiling. Before you could say anything more, he started to speak.

“It’s a lot, really. I think it’s sinking in that this will probably be the last competition I participate in since I’m planning to choreograph one of the performances for the year-end concert.” He looks back at you. “I just… want it to be perfect, you know?”

You have always known Changmin to be a perfectionist. Since your time working with him in the publication, he has always been particular about the work he puts out. Sunwoo has also shared his experience with the perfectionist when it came to dancing (and it was not a pleasant experience). Though, you understood where he came from.

“I want my last performance to be something I am proud of…” He takes a deep breath. “Because I know I won’t have another opportunity to dance again.”

As he says those words, you reach out to his hand that rests on his lap and hold onto it. He looks down at your intertwined fingers and shows a small smile at the sight. 

“I understand where this is coming from. I don’t even think it has fully sunk in that you’re graduating already,” you admit as you bite the inside of your cheek.

Changmin chuckles and jokes, “Don’t think you’ll survive without me?”

“Yeah,” you answer without letting a beat pass.

It is true. No matter how independent you made yourself out to be, you knew how much you relied on your friends—most especially Changmin. You have gone so long in your life with your best friends at your side that you never let yourself imagine a life without them.

“It’s almost like when you first graduated high school; I remember I couldn’t stop crying after you graduated.” Changmin laughs at the memory you mention. “You remember that, right?”

“Of course I do. I remember I was comforting you and Sunwoo on the day I was finally free from high school.”

You smile as you look back down at your hand that held him. “It’s just silly to recall. I mean, it already seemed like Sunwoo was set on going to the same university as you—just not me.”

“But you’re here now.”

And you nod as you look back at his eyes. “Yeah, I am.”

Changmin moves to take a seat beside you. With his hand still latched onto yours, he draws circles on the back of your hand.

“I’m glad to be here, you know?” You lean your head on his shoulder. “I like to know that as we grow in the things we like to do, we’ll always be there to witness each other reach heights we used to dream of.”

It is silent for a moment. All you could hear was Changmin’s breathing in sync with yours. You let your eyes close for a minute, happy enough to just be in that moment with your pillar of strength—your very own reason to keep going.

“I’m glad you’re here, too.”

“Ah, thank you so much again for having this interview with us!” You bow with Jacob and Chanhee to express your gratitude to Yeonjun. The four of you have officially wrapped the last interview for the coverage of K-Pop student idols. With Yuqi’s and Yeonjun’s experiences, the three of you got to learn the joys and struggles that come with such a life.

“No, thank you! It was nice to talk about my experience,” he says with a smile. “I’ll be heading out. It’s nice to see you again, Chanhee hyung.” Chanhee gives him a wave before he bids farewell and leaves the room. You sigh happily as you look down at the notes you took.

“Chanhee, you know him?” Jacob asks to which he nods.

“Yeah, I’ve had some classes with him. Not much interaction but he’s alright.”

You nod as you flip through your notes. “He’s cute.”

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm only to make you laugh. “You know how risky it is to pursue an idol?!”

“I’m just saying! Jeez, I’m not going to marry him or anything. I’ll just check the group out,” you whisper those last words which causes him to shake his head.

“Whatever, I can’t stop your ass,” he admits defeat as he stands up from his seat and slings his messenger bag on his shoulder. “Y/N, I’ll catch you later at our place, right?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Thanks, again! I’ll see you two for the next coverage.” With that, Chanhee was off.

Once again, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Hey, Y/N?” Your eyes shoot up to Jacob who was already off his chair. “Do you… want to grab lunch with me?”

“I’m sorry?” You could not believe the words that left his mouth.

“I mean, if you’re busy it’s fine!” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “It’s just that it’s about to be lunchtime.”

You cannot help but smile. Never would you have ever expected to have lunch with your crush—let alone be asked by him too. If there was a way to talk to your younger self, you would talk about this moment.

“Y-yeah! I’m free.” You close your notepad and shove it in your bag. “We definitely can.”

Jacob smiles as soon as you get off your seat. “Great! Do you like pho?”

Once you nod, his smile gets bigger. You do not think you will ever get over that smile.

It is 8:23 PM. You and Changmin were seated on his bed as you stared at the homework on your laptop for your Biology class due tomorrow. Although you were a HUMSS student, you had to take general subjects as it was required in the curriculum.

Despite having the choice to pick amongst the different natural science courses offered, you had the unfortunate fate of being left with Human Biology (you did not even know they offered it to non-STEM students) as the only option. You were usually decent with basic science, but you could not understand anything complex. That is why you were glad to have a friend who was well-versed in it.

“Jesus, which professor did you end up with?” Changmin asks as he skims through the worksheet full of questions you barely understood.

“Mr. Hwang.”

“You got him?!” He exclaims with his eyebrows shooting up. “Even I managed to avoid him because of all the reviews he got.”

You roll your eyes and let yourself plop back on his bed. “I know, and I hate him. It just sucks because his schedule fits my timetable perfectly so I thought it would be fine.”

Changmin clicks his tongue against his teeth and says, “Well, your problem now.”

“I know!” You sit back up and frown at your friend who was reading through your homework. “It was impossible to be transferred to another class because the other classes were clashing with my major classes.”

He nudges your shoulder and says, “At least you have me to help you out.”

Somehow, it took only two hours for you two (mostly Changmin) to accomplish your homework. During that time, it was mostly productive with you getting side-tracked by your phone. It helped that he took his time explaining each question rather than leaving you in the dark.

“You know, you’re a very good teacher,” you point out as you finally submit your work through the online portal.

“What do you expect? I mean, I’m hoping to be a preschool teacher,” Changmin says as he stretches his back.

“I don’t know.” You finally open up another document that had your draft for your first coverage with Jacob. “It’s just nice to experience it first-hand.”

Changmin takes a peek at your screen and pouts at the sight. “More work?” You only hum as you go through Kevin’s comments, approving most edits.

“You’re still working with Jacob, right?” As soon as a smile starts to creep in, he gasps. “How is it?”

“It’s fun!” You shrug as you type on your keyboard to answer some comments your editor has and attempt to reflect it on your second draft. “He’s really reliable, so I’m happy that I’m working with him.”

He smirks. “And?”

“Well…” You bit on the inside of your cheek in an attempt to stop the smile from getting any bigger. “He asked me out to lunch.”

As soon as you reveal that piece of information, he smiles. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, it’s not much.”  You shrug. “I mean, it seemed convenient to just eat together then.”

“Hey, it’s still something,” he says, which makes you feel at ease.

Your best friend is well aware of your very barren love life. If anything, you two were in the same boat. Although you always find yourself jumping from one crush to another, he has never found himself entertaining anyone who was interested.

It is funny—you two are opposites that stick together. While you ramble about all your short-lived crushes, he always listened as if it were the morning radio. However, your crushes never progressed past the infatuation stage. That is why when you share with him your adventures with Jacob, it felt like this was turning out differently from other puppy loves.

You sigh and decide to abandon your work. “He’s a very sweet guy.”

“I’m glad he is. You only deserve sweet ones,” Changmin says, which makes you pout.

“And thank you for always reminding me that.”

It is true—he has always made sure to remind you that you only deserve happiness. No matter how many one-sided crushes, terrible professors, or mental hurdles you faced, he liked to remind you that there is something at the end worth fighting for.

“What about you? Do you have anyone you like or just find interesting?” You decide to finally ask your best friend.

He shakes his head and says, “Nope. I’m so busy with dance and thesis.”

You could only laugh in disbelief. “I’m not asking if you’re planning to date anyone! You really don’t find anyone cute?”

“Ask me again after the competition.” He shrugs before letting himself lie down on his bed. “Right now, there’s no one.”

With your work now abandoned, you let yourself lie down beside him. The two of you stared up at the ceiling as you let silence come between you. You could only hear Changmin’s breathing. Once you rolled onto your side, you let your eyes fall on your best friend.

In that period, you let yourself really take in his appearance; his eyebags have gotten heavier; his shoulders seemed tense; his eyes were on the border of closing. You always knew that your best friend has been tired from his academics and dance, but now was the only time you started to see how it was affecting him physically.

“Hey,” you speak up which has him turning his head to face you. Before you could say anything more, your hand reaches out for his. “I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”

He gives you a soft smile and intertwines his fingers with yours. Instead of saying anything, he rolls on his side. And with his eyes closed, he brings your linked hands close to where his heart is.

It has been weeks since you and Jacob wrapped up your first coverage together. Surprisingly, you two had minimal edits—almost like a clean close. Kevin seemed happy with the work you two delivered.

“Excellent read! I can’t believe you managed to interview Yeonjun and Yuqi for this,” your editor says as he scans through the article once more. “Plus, Chanhee’s photos and videos are good. Nice call, by the way. I think the videos will help in garnering more attention.”

Kevin quickly switches windows and plays a video of Yeonjun’s interview. “Who did you get from the video editing team to work on this?”

“I worked on it mostly, but Heejin helped in some segments I didn’t know how to execute,” Chanhee answers as he proudly watches his work on Kevin’s screen.

Jacob watches the video in awe and says, “Woah, this is nice. Did you know about this, Y/N?”

“Yup!” You nod as you smile at the three. “Chanhee was showing it to me throughout his editing process. It’s cool to see it come to life.”

You have always known your best friend to be well-versed in photography and video editing. When he initially pitched the idea to you, you wondered why he wanted to do it himself when you had a small staff capable of handling it. However, the process to ring them in would only take too long. Chanhee’s persistence is both a present and a threat—he always found himself pushing limits which could ultimately lead him to his downfall or success.

“God,” Kevin says with a happy sigh. “You three are almost like the perfect team! I’m looking forward to the other coverages. Once the two coverages are done, I will for sure treat you three to some food.” The three of you could only smile at his praise and promise.

Now, it is 9:34 PM. The most anticipated party of the year has finally come—Sohn Eric’s Halloween Extravaganza. Despite him being the same year as you and Sunwoo, everyone agreed that he knew how to party. Last year, you two along with Changmin got hammered while Chanhee was left to take care of you three.

At that same party, you made friends with other members of the publication who were not part of the Features staff while Sunwoo was busy making out with someone from the volleyball team. While Changmin was busy hanging out with people from his dance team and playing drinking games, Chanhee was out talking to someone from the soccer team. It seemed that everyone was happy with what they gained from the party.

Now, you and Sunwoo are seated on the couch at Changmin and Chanhee’s place all dressed up in costume. While you chose to go as Howl Jenkins Pendragon from Howl’s Moving Castle, Sunwoo opted to go as a soccer player.

“Your costume is so generic,” you point out as you look at him from head to toe.

Sunwoo frowns. “I’m sorry that I chose to not weeb out like you.”

As he plays with the soccer ball in his hand, you decide to ask him a question. “Where did you even find the jersey?”

All he does is point to the back of his shirt which has the last name “Lee” and the number ten. “I asked Dokyeom hyung and he had an old jersey that I could borrow.”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused to hear that name leave his mouth. “Since when were you and Dokyeom friends?”

“Since that one party where we played the loyalty game,” he says with a smirk. “C’mon Y/N, didn’t you say I was Mr. Popular?”

You could only roll your eyes at the way he flatters himself. “God, you are so annoying. And also so boring. I can’t believe you chose to dress up as your old sport just because you want to make out with someone.”

Your best friend shrugs with a smirk still resting on his lips. “Or go up to the fourth base with someone.” As soon as he says those words, you scrunch your face up in disgust.

“Changmin! Chanhee! Please save me from this fucktard!” Sunwoo shoves your arm which only makes you laugh. You spot Chanhee finally leaving his room all dressed up in a blue jumpsuit and goggles sitting on the top of his head.

“Ah, you did end up going with Pororo!” You exclaim with a smile on your face.

Chanhee spins around in place to show you two his whole fit. “Does it look nice?” He asks with a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah! It suits you,” Sunwoo says, which allows Chanhee to feel relieved.

“Where’s Changmin? It’s almost 10 PM!” You say as you stand up from the couch. Chanhee only shrugs as he takes a seat beside Sunwoo. “I don’t know what’s taking him this long.” You sigh and walk towards the door of Changmin’s room.

“Changmin!” You knock on his door. “We’re waiting for you.”

No response. With a frown on your face, you swing the door open. As you step into the room, you notice that everything has been tidied up in his room, no sign of him getting ready. You tilt your head at the sight, clearly confused.

“What the fuck? Chanhee, he’s not even here!” Before you could do any more, you felt someone grab onto your shoulder with a menacing whisper following right after. 

“Peekaboo.”

As soon as you hear those words, you screech. “What the fuck!” You spin around only to reveal that the sinister voice belonged to Changmin whose smile was bigger than ever. As you take in his costume of blue overalls, red wig, and a lazy attempt at stitches on his face, you notice a creepy doll tucked in his arm.

“Yah, Ji Changmin!” You whine as you let yourself take a seat on his bed with your hand clutching your chest.

He only laughs as he parades his doll around. “You’re still such a scaredy cat.”

You frown and say, “You’re so mean! You know how much I hate stuff like this!”

Both Chanhee and Sunwoo quickly enter the room to see the mess Changmin has created. “Yah, you know Y/N hates this more than me and Sunwoo,” Chanhee says as he shakes his head.

“When did you even get that doll?”

“First off, his name is Chucky. And I got him a few days ago! I’m so glad he arrived on time,” Changmin answers Sunwoo’s question and plays with his doll once more.

Chanhee sighs and grabs your hand to pull you off the bed. “C’mon, it’s almost 10 PM. We should head to Eric’s place already.”

The perpetrator quickly links his free arm with yours and pouts. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I was expecting to scare Sunwoo but you came in!”

“What do you mean you were trying to scare me?!”

Changmin scowls at Sunwoo and says, “This isn’t about you.”

You roll your eyes. “It’s fine. I guess you wanted to have your fun before you have to take care of our asses.” Once you see the confusion on Changmin’s face, you cannot help but smile.

“What do you mean I have to take care of you guys?”

Chanhee giggles and says, “That’s what we agreed on last time, remember? You take care of us while Sunwoo, Y/N, and I drink our hearts out.”

It takes Changmin a moment to recall the said conversation which happened a month ago. As soon as the memory hits him, he groans. “Really?”

You shrug, clearly happy with how the events are playing out. “Think of it as your way of saying sorry to me.” He only sighs, knowing he could not argue.

The four of you finally arrived at Eric’s place which was bustling with more people than expected. You could only guess that word about last year’s party got around. From what you could see, some people came in different costumes. In a sea of generic costumes such as nurses and firefighters, you were happy to spot cool costumes like Sanrio or video game characters.

“Well, I’m headed off to find Eric,” Sunwoo says.

“I’ll join you.” Chanhee says before he takes a look at you and Changmin. “Don’t forget, we leave at the latest 1 AM. Don’t separate, okay?”

As soon as you two nod, Sunwoo and Chanhee make a beeline toward wherever Eric may be. You cling to Changmin’s arm as he leads you two to the kitchen. What you do not expect to see is your editor and crush there.

Kevin was dressed up in a black and white leopard print and makeup which you could only guess as Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians. However, nothing could have prepared you for Jacob’s outfit. He wore a volleyball uniform and an orange wig with a volleyball by his hip. You have always been a big fan of Haikyuu, so to see Jacob dressed up as one of your favorite characters made your heart flutter.

“Oh, Kevin and Jacob hyung!” Changmin exclaims, which grabs their attention.

“Y/N and Changmin! It’s so nice to see you,” Kevin says with a smile on his face.

“Ah, Cruella de Vil and Hinata?”

“Yeah! Not a lot of people could figure out who I dressed up as. Everyone loves Jacob’s costume though,” he answers your best friend.

“You’re Howl, right? And Changmin is Chucky because of the doll.” Jacob asks which finally has you snap out of your trance.

Changmin smiles as he tries to show off his doll and answers, “Yeah! Do you like him?”

“He’s… something!” Kevin says which only makes you laugh.

“If it helps, I hate that doll.” In an attempt to agree with your editor, you earn a nudge from Changmin.

“Hey! He’s our kid,” he complains with a pout on his lips. You only ignore his comment and drag him to take a seat with you on the stools.

Since Jacob and Kevin were wrapped up in their conversation, you took this as an opportunity to quietly ask Changmin something. “You don’t want to hang out with your friends from the dance team?”

He shakes his head and says, “I’m fine here with you.” You let yourself smile at him before he could find a way for you two to squeeze into Jacob and Kevin’s conversation.

While the four of you talked over some drinks specially made by Jacob, you were pleasantly surprised to see Eric come in a baseball uniform. “Hey, guys!”

“Eric! It’s nice to see you,” You greet the party host.

“Why are you guys just here?” Eric quickly grabs a bottle of beer. “You don’t want to dance or play some party games?”

“We’ll probably join the crowd in a little bit,” Kevin says as he wraps his arm around Eric’s shoulder. “Also, coming in your baseball uniform? You’re so generic.”

“Hey! It was the only thing I had since I was busy organizing this party,” Eric attempts to defend himself.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Well, it’s a nice party.”

“Thank you!”

“Have you seen Sunwoo and Chanhee?” Changmin decides to ask the host.

“Oh, yeah! I saw them just a few minutes ago.” Eric chuckles. “Sunwoo’s busy trying to rizz up someone from the swimming team.”

Your face scrunches up in disgust as you lean your head on Changmin’s shoulder. “What about Chanhee?”

“I think he’s just with Hyunjae hyung.”

“Ah, I see,” you say with a smirk as your best friend and Kevin giggle.

It takes a few seconds before the dots connect in Jacob’s head. “Is something going on between Chanhee and Hyunjae?” He asks with a gasp. 

“Yeah! Haven’t you noticed that Hyunjae hyung is always with him?”

Jacob ponders over his best friend’s question for a moment. “Huh, that makes sense.”

“They’re actually so cute, but I actually don’t think anything is going to happen,” Eric says after he takes a sip of his beer.

Changmin hums and agrees, “Based on what I talked about with Chanhee, it looks like they’re just friends.”

“You don’t think it’ll turn into something more?” Kevin asks with a pout on his lips.

“It would get messy, don’t you think? Since your friend groups are slowly getting close.”

You sigh and answer Eric’s question with, “Honestly, whatever makes the two happy. I think they’ll manage to figure it out.”

“Feelings are weird.” Once Changmin says those words, you could only hum in agreement. You felt like you did not know enough to comment on whatever Chanhee and Hyunjae have going on. All that mattered to you is that your friends were happy and safe at all times.

“Hey, Changmin hyung!” Someone you could only recognize to be Lee Chan, Changmin’s teammate in the dance team, enters the kitchen with a cup in his hands. “Oh, hi Eric! Well, I just wanted to call my lovely friend to play some beer pong with us. You guys are free to join us!”

“Oh, I’ll join!” Eric quickly says before he makes his way out of the kitchen.

As you lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder, your best friend frowns at Chan. “Wait, I can’t drink that much. I’m taking care of Y/N and like… the others.”

You shake your head and nudge him. “It’s fine,” you reassure him.

He shakes his head firmly and says, “We have a buddy system, remember? Plus, I don’t want to ditch you.” 

“Then they can join us!” Chan attempts to convince him further. “If it helps, we’re playing with people outside of the dance team.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll probably just hang with those from the publication.” You smile at Chan and take a look at Changmin. “What if I just meet you two hours from now? We can meet here.” Changmin bites the inside of his cheek as he contemplates.

“Uhm, we’ll also stay with Y/N,” Jacob chimes in. As your head whips in his direction, you could see his signature smile. You would think that working with him for a few weeks would give you time to get used to his smile. And yet, you still found yourself melting at the view.

“Yeah!” You look back at your best friend. “I promise that I won’t drink too much without you.” It takes a moment before Changmin decides to give in to Chan’s request. Before he could stand up from his seat, you reach out for his doll. “Let me take care of our child.”

He cannot help but smile before he hands his Chucky doll to you. “I won’t forget you calling him that.” With that, he followed Chan out of the kitchen.

You sigh and hold the Chucky doll close to you, combing through its hair. “Do you know where News and Social Media are staying? Maybe we can stay with Seungkwan and Yeji?”

“I spotted them by the pool area. It’s actually in the same area Changmin is playing beer pong,” Kevin says, which has you standing up from your seat.

“Why don’t you guys go ahead? I’ll just meet you there,” you say as your eyes looked through the drinks.

And there comes Jacob with his sweet smile. “I’ll wait for you. Kevin, we can just meet you there.”

For a moment, you could notice Kevin snickering but he quickly covers it up by saying, “Sure.” As soon as he makes his way out of the kitchen, you give your crush a shy smile.

“Do you mind mixing me another drink?”

Jacob chuckles as he grabs the cup from you. “It’s fine, I don’t mind if it’s you.”

You do not know what to make of his comment, slightly blushing as he creates another great concoction. You decided to stand beside him and lean against the counter so that you could get a good look at whatever he was making you. In the cup, he poured two different liquors and cranberry juice.

“Can I… ask something?” He decides to ask you as he hands you back your cup.

You raise your eyebrows before you take a sip of the drink. “Oh, it’s good!” He smiles at your comment. “Yeah, of course! Ask whatever.”

Jacob takes a moment to think over his words. “I don’t really know how to ask it.”

You laugh and say, “Jacob, aren’t you a writer?”

“Yeah! But sometimes, words are weird.”

“Just say it to me straight. I think it would make it easier for us both,” you reassure him before you drink.

“Are you and Changmin dating?” As soon as those words leave his mouth, you choke on your drink.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” He quickly grabs some tissue and wipes your chin as you cough.

As you grab the tissue from his hand, you set down your cup on the counter. “S-sorry! I didn’t expect that.”

“That’s why I said I didn’t know how to phrase it right.” He pouts as you wave your hand at him to signal that it was alright.

“No, your question is fine!” You cough out before taking a deep breath. “Why would you think that?”

Jacob scratches the back of his neck and says, “I just thought so based on tonight’s event. I suspected something was going on between you two that one night I gave you guys a ride home. I was just thinking that tonight might have confirmed my suspicion.” You tilt your head over his words.

All throughout your friendship with Changmin, no one has ever thought of you two in a relationship. In every interaction and time spent with him, you have always thought it was normal. Sure, you do acknowledge that you spend more time with him than you do with Sunwoo and Chanhee, but it never meant that you two were together.

“We aren’t,” you start off with a smile. “We’re just very close, that’s all. I am very much single.”

Jacob nods with a relieved smile on his face. “Alright, that’s good to know.”

Before you could process his words, he spoke. “C’mon, let’s meet with the others.”

Over the hours, you have been half-focused on the conversation going on between your friends from the publication. Your mind was still trying to wrap around the fact that Jacob would think that way—you cannot even believe he seemed relieved to hear you are single.

While most of your group sat in a circle on foldable chairs, some had to stay standing up. Despite being deep in thought, you were somewhat hyperaware every time Jacob was looking at you from where he stood. Never did you ever expect the 5th-year student to show some interest towards you. 

That is why you never noticed someone grab your shoulder. You jump in your seat and take a look behind you to see Changmin with a concerned look on his face. “Hey, are you okay?” He whispers only for you to hear.

You nod and quickly get off your seat. “Hi, I’ll come back.” As soon as you bid farewell to the group, you grab Changmin’s arm and make your way to somewhere far from Jacob.

Once you two arrive at a relatively quiet corner of the backyard, you take a seat down by the porch. With a worried expression on his face, he takes a seat beside you and grabs the doll from you. 

“What’s up?”

You place your hands on the bottom half of your face and take a deep breath. “You would not believe what Jacob said to me.”

“You’re scaring me,” he says, which only makes you laugh as you shake your head.

“No, it’s just funny! But also, so many thoughts are being thunk right now.”

“Okay, what?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows. Clearly, the suspense was starting to kill him.

You bite the inside of your cheek. “He just asked if I was single!” The way Changmin’s eyebrows shoot up is a sight you could only laugh at.

“Are you serious?” He asks, shocked by your news.

“I know!” You squeal as you smack his arm. “Well, he did ask if you and I were dating–”

“He asked WHAT?!” Your best friend shouts which attracts some looks.

You smack his arm and give an apologetic smile to those who looked over at you two. Once you look back at him, you could see the expression on his face—something you could describe as shock and disgust mixed together. With the way his eyebrows are furrowed as he moves slightly away, you could tell he was taken aback by what you revealed.

“Oh, yeah! It was so weird.” You shake your head before you take a peek at where your friends were (thankfully, Jacob was preoccupied with whatever conversation was going on). You look back at Changmin and say, “I remember even choking on my drink just because he asked. But anyway, that’s beside the point–”

“Why would he think that?”

You roll your eyes as your best friend continues to cut you off. “Honestly, I don’t really know. I mean, he explained but it didn’t make sense.” He looks you up and down with a frown on his face.

“Hey! It can’t be that bad to date me!” You exclaim as you smack his arm once more.

“I’m just thinking that it would be weird for us to date!”

You roll your eyes and say, “Obviously. It’s even weirder to think I had a crush on Sunwoo then.” Before Changmin could say more, you say, “Jacob just thought so with how close we are, but I made it perfectly clear that I am single. And here’s the kicker.”

Your best friend only signals you to continue with what you are saying. “He said he was glad to know that,” you finally say as you smack his arm, earning a groan from him.

“Can you stop smacking me?”

You ignore his request as you remember the events. “I’ve never had a crush actually show some type of interest towards me. It’s so surreal.” You let yourself lean back on your hands so that you could look up at the sky.

With your eyes looking up to the starry night, you smile as you let out a happy sigh. Despite being in your second year of college, you never really had that much experience with romance aside from occasional one-sided crushes (whether with you as the apple of someone’s eye or the idea of someone plaguing your mind). That is why when Jacob shares such words, you cannot help but feel so much warmth spread throughout your body.

“I’m glad, though.” You look at your best friend who has a small smile on his face. “I’m glad that what you have is going somewhere,” he says which only makes you grin.

It is during these moments that you remember how long you and Changmin have been friends. From achievements to heartbreaks, you both have been there for each other to witness it all. In the greatest and lowest moments, the two of you always found solace in each other.

Changmin looked at himself in the mirror—all dressed up in black (from blazer to trousers) with a pair of sunglasses and chains to accessorize his whole look. He took a deep breath as he spun around.

The day of the competition has finally come. The team spent many weeks practicing the same routine in hopes to secure that trophy. After all the late nights and injuries he had to endure, he could not believe that he was to participate in his final competition.

Since he figured out to walk all on his own, dance came to him naturally like breathing comes instinctively for all. His love for dance has only grown with him throughout the years. For Changmin, there was never a possible reality where he does not fall in love with dance. Yet, with graduation dawning, it seemed like he would have to entertain that idea whether he liked it or not.

With him being deep in thought, he does not hear you enter the room. “Woah!” He snaps out of his trance once you whistle while taking in his appearance. “You look good!”

He cannot hold his smile. “Thanks. I realized this is your first time seeing me in my outfit.” He makes his way back to his bed and takes a seat.

“Yeah! You never sent me the pictures,” you say with a pout. “But I’m kind of glad. I was shocked to see how nice you looked.”

“Are you saying I don’t look good all the time?”

You frown at your best friend. “Of course, you don’t, weirdo.” Changmin could only roll his eyes while you set your small sling bag beside him.

“Thank you for offering to do my makeup,” he says as you start to take out your small cosmetics bag full of essentials for his look.

“Don’t even worry about it. I mean, I have always wanted to do your makeup before.” You adjust the position of his floor lamp to make sure it was facing him. “Sunwoo cannot stay still when I put makeup on him.”

Changmin chuckles as he looks at you retrieve different tubes. “Thankfully, I have some extra concealer that should suit your skin tone,” you mutter as you squeeze out some product onto the back of your hand.

“Anyway, how are you?” You rest your right knee on the bed as your fingers start to do the work. “Are you still nervous?”

He hums for a moment. “I am, but I’m trying to focus on just leaving the competition on a good note.”

You nod as you cover up any dark spots and circles. “That’s good. How’s your thesis going so far?” As soon as you ask that, he groans.

“Don’t even remind me.”

You cannot help but giggle as you blend out the product. “Isn’t your thesis adviser Ms. Lee? I heard she’s good.” You look through your bag and reach out for your eyeshadow palette full of neutral colors and its proper brush.

“She’s great, really. It’s just that I may have underestimated the difficulty of my chosen topic.” He sighs as he watches you open up the palette. “I hope she knocked some sense into me.”

“Or, she just had faith in you,” you point out as you pick up some light brown eyeshadow with your brush. “You’re very smart, you know? I’m pretty sure she just wants you to get some recognition for your thesis.”

He only huffs as you carefully color his eyelids. Once you were done, you set the tools aside and grabbed an eyelash curler for him to use. As you hand the contraption to him, he frowns.

“Do you really trust me with that?”

“Yeah because I don’t know how to use it.”

“I think you’d be more scared if I was the one doing it on you,” you try to reason only for him to hand it back to you.

“Just do it.”

You groan and place the curler right on his eyelashes. “Don’t move, okay? I’m scared to rip your eyelashes out.”

“W-wait!” Changmin pushes your hand away with a frown on his face. “You can’t just say that. Now, I’m scared!”

You sigh as you rest your free hand on your hip and say, “Well, what do you want? I’m letting you do it.” He sighs for a moment before signaling you to continue. “Exactly.” You proceed with what you need to do.

“And… there!” You smile as you set the contraption aside. “That wasn’t too bad. Now, I need to do your mascara.”

You open the tube and take out the wand. “I need to sit down for this, okay?” As soon as you ask, he nods.

“Yeah, that’s no prob–wait!” He cuts himself off as you suddenly lift your other leg to rest on the bed as well.

Now, your knees were practically caging Changmin. As he takes a look down, he could see your legs pressing on the outer side of his thighs. For a moment, he cannot breathe.

This felt different. In this position, he felt his mind buzzing. Sure, he has always found himself linking arms with you or even snuggling up your side. But to see you straddling him only had him at your mercy. 

Once you took a seat on his lap, he could feel himself getting dizzy. To feel your heat on his lap made him feel like he was back in high school—he could hear his heartbeat ring in his ears. There was barely any distance between you two as your face slowly got closer to his. Changmin could only hope you do not notice how red his ears are.

“Hey,” you whisper as you look into his eyes, taking a small peek down at his lips for a brief second. “Just relax, I don’t want to poke your eyes in the process.” He could feel your breath cast over his lips as you set your free hand on his shoulder.

First coat. His eyes were focused on your lips.

Second coat. You lick your lips as you focus on trying to not ruin your work.

Third coat. Changmin tries to swallow his anxiety down

Fourth coat. You let your eyes trail back down to his lips.

Fifth coat. He finds himself moving his face closer to yours, his eyes flickering down to your lips.

And something possesses him—his hands find themselves on your hips to hold you steady in place. Your breath hitches at the action, and you finally notice how close his face is to yours.

“Changmin,” you whisper his name so sweet. For him, it felt like he has never heard you say his name so gently.

“Say no and I won’t,” he finds himself saying as he lets himself finally look up into your eyes.

And before he could get a reply, he found his eyes opening to the white ceiling. Covered in sweat, he feels himself breathe heavily at his dream. There was no other way to say this—he was utterly fucked.

if you liked this, please take some time to like and reblog this!

[f1ghtsoftly]

I actually think it’s strategically stupid to ask women to forgo male protection and male financing without any kind of organized feminism to catch them. Feminists passionate about separatism need to educate themselves on the barriers women face when exiting misogynistic communities and family structures.

And no, just because you made it out doesn’t mean others can. There are scores of women behind you who didn’t make it. Who went insane from abuse, who developed addictions to cope, who are financially trapped, who experienced worse misogyny in the labor market then in a het relationship. Stop villanizing women acting in their own self interest and start organizing to give women BETTER OPTIONS.

I shouldn’t have had to choose between cosigning conversion therapy or staying in a misogynistic industry, my best friend shouldn’t have had to choose between homelessness and a dad who raped her, my first lover shouldn’t have to choose between a life of financial precarity and the sex industry and I cannot overemphasize that we were all rich lucky white women from the states. What’s it like for women of color? Women from states with worse education systems? Disabled women? What kind of rock are you living under where women aren’t doing the best they can to be financially secure and as free as possible *especially* in a cost of living crisis. And again, please don’t come at me with the “those criticisms are only white women with no problems who just CHOOSE” the women I am talking about are from wealthy white suburban families with boats and big retirement accounts we *are* the women you’re talking about. Just look at what happened to Brittney Spears and Rose McGowan, even “luckier” women who had huge parts of their lives destroyed because they took a stand for their own freedom. Were they just not “tough enough”? Get it through your fucking heads, no woman has an easy time of it, no women just “chooses” to comply with patriarchy for fun. We have three options, be kept precarious and in constant fear of male violence in the labor market, to participate in the running of the very system that oppresses us by allying with men or quit and try to become male ourselves. No women makes a “wrong” choice because all of these options are fucking terrible.

Women en masse aren’t unfree because they get stupid facial fillers or have boyfriends, women getting stupid facial fillers and having boyfriends is a symptom of how unfree women are and many women correctly see how allying with the right men can deliver them from poverty or financial insecurity.

Even middle class women with access to jobs that can pay the bills typically need to cosign a level of institutional patriarchy in order to do so, they become “administrators” to capitalism and are rewarded at the expense of their integrity. Think about all the teachers in the south who are forced to go along with anti-LGBTQ mandates, think about therapists who have to “diagnose” traumatized women with diseases that will stay in the medical records in order to get their insurance to cover therapy, think about the kind of misogynistic abuse women in tech or science take. GET.A. GRIP. IT SUCKS FOR EVERYONE.

And honestly, and I truly mean this, if you genuinely believe you are somehow better or stronger then most women who don’t “get it” I really question your commitment to women and to the project of feminism. It *is* delusional behavior to think that you aren’t one sexual assault, one lost job, one string of unlucky experiences away from trying to stockholm syndrome yourself into accepting male domination in a “relationship” or in the workplace. Without having to decide between sexual assault in a shelter or crashing with a “bf” who rapes you.

Without developing structures that can support women’s autonomy *we’re all* vulnerable to male predation and acting like it’s easy or even possible for women to shake that off not only shows an astounding lack of compasison but a naive and childish belief that your spirit is somehow above breaking. It’s not.

Like seriously please take it from me there is a limit to how much material, spiritual and physical abuse someone can take and so so so many more women then you think are dealing with horrible scary shit from the men in their lives and you can’t always tell what’s happening from behind a screen (or even in person). Even women who really, really annoy me or who are abusive themselves are reacting to male abuse in their own lives so please stop making the barrier to feminism contingent on doing the very things patriarchy makes it hardest to do.

PLEASE focus instead on making it easier for women to live away from men, on removing the ties between women’s financial security and their relationship to the men in their lives, on making women safer in public, on supporting mothers financially and with women’s labor.

It’s not reformism, it’s not choice feminism it’s accepting the reality of where we’re at and choosing to build women only infrastructure that will carry us to a post patriarchal future. That’s what doing the work is. It’s acknowledging where we are realistically as a society and committing to getting us where we need to go.

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

hello! im sorry if this is a weird message, feel free to completely ignore it, but i read some of the asks you get and thought id try to express my feelings, since i have literally no one else to tell them to, and because i relate so deeply to so many of your posts.

i had my first love in 2022. i kind of kept an eye on them for months before we started interacting, and when i got to know them i was blown away–i couldn't even dream them if i tried. i remember thinking to myself for hours on end about how perfect they are, thanking the heavens for crafting someone so unbelievably beautiful as them. the embarrassing part is, our "situationship", if you could even call it that, lasted two weeks. just two weeks. and i feel so fucking ridiculous because i still love them.

i've met someone i really, really like and got into a relationship, and it kills me because although i care about my partner a lot, they're not them, you know? they're not my first love. my current love.

i don't know if i'll ever get over them, and i honestly don't even want to. my feelings are the very last string somehow still connecting us, and i don't want to live in a world where there are no signs of us ever existing, even though we never really did.

and these feelings are not painful for me either–thinking about them doesn't ever make me sad, just nostalgic, really. i only feel thankful that they were my first love, and that we get to exist under the same sky together. just thinking about this person going about their day, wondering what they're currently doing, brings warmth to my heart.

anyway, even if you don't reply to this message, thank you so much for making this blog so welcoming it made me feel like it was okay to share my feelings. hope your days are lovely.

<3

I read all of it, I can't say for sure if i resonate your feelings, i do believe a part of everyone stays inside us whom we once loved, i have never been lucky in terms of love , yes I used the word luck here cause in terms of efforts I do believe I have given my level best I try and try and try again until i have nothing more to offer , people fall in love with me and then they fall out of love idk how people are capable of doing that ( losing interest/feelings) I don't want to get into more details, as for you I don't much to say I cannot say i understand you , all I can say don't let your past or any person from past effects those who are now willing to love you to their best abilities and don't let it stops you from loving them to your best capabilities , I am sure you already knew it . I have nothing to offer you not even words

“ Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them. ”

― Richard Siken

This blog is welcoming to everyone, even if i don't respond to the anonymous asks i have read them you have my best wishes for everything, this is the only thing I am Good at words and in the end they are not enough too .

[rpmemes-galore]

Discworld ... sentence starters

“I'm your worst nightmare!“

“And if the truth is terrible?“

“I'm not a lady. I'm a witch.“

“Cake is not the issue here.”

“I assure you I will not kill you.”

“Good. No preconceived ideas.“

“I am so fed up with being young.”

“Is this a dagger I see before me?“

“The money should be on the inside.“

“It’s a sword! It’s not meant to be safe!”

“I hope you're not going to kill anyone.”

“History needs shepherds, not butchers.“

“I’ve heard of them. Bloody dangerous things.”

“Open your eyes and then open your eyes again.“

“When you break rules, break 'em good and hard.“

“People don't want to see what can't possibly exist.“

“The answer is that, terrible or not, it is still the truth.”

“It's like chess, you know. The Queen saves the King.“

“I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.“

“We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right?“

“Don't put your faith in gods. But you can believe in turtles.“

“You’re saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable.“

“Oh, all true. Most of them. A bit of exaggeration, but mostly true.“

“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever.”

“You've haven't really been anywhere until you've got back home.“

“You cannot fool me anymore. Or touch me. Or anything that is mine.”

“You had to find the truth for yourself. That is how we all find the truth.“

“I'm the one where this man comes out of nowhere and kills you, stone dead.“

“It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority.”

“It's not gambling to play against someone who's no good. It's common sense.“

“You mean... the one with the giant cabbage and the sort of whirring knife thing?“

“I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.“

“She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.���

“Ye mustn't be afraid to ask for help. Pride is a good thing, my girl, but it will kill you in time.“

“You can sort of tell the difference if you look closely. It doesn't have as many sharp edges.“

“You forced the world to give it to you, no matter the price, and the price is and always will be high...“

“Sometimes the moon is light and sometimes it's in shadow, but you should always remember it's the same moon.“

“What we're going to do is keep the peace. That's our job. We're not going to be heroes, we're just going to be... normal.”

“But you've found it, even if at the time you didn't know what it was you were finding, and you grabbed it by its scrawny neck and made it work for you.“

“No-one likes being told it's their lucky day. That sort of thing does not bode well. When someone tells you it's your lucky day, something bad is about to happen.“

“You think there are the good people and the bad people. You are wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.“

“Odd thing, ain't it... you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the voice of the people. And it snarls.”

[bg-brainrot]

To start, I’m a huge fan of your writing! Seriously, I’ve been reading your stuff since maybe October or November? I always look forward to updates, and I genuinely think your writing is of top-notch quality. Thank you for sharing your stories with us on the internet. ❤️

I saw your post saying you were in game development, and I wanted to ask what are some good ways to network and work with game studios? I’m actually an artist working in the animation industry now (this is an alt account to save posts for my brainrot lmao), but would love to transition into games sooner or later, just not sure how to find good info or leads? There’s only so many animation studios producing major work so it’s easier to scout info, but the world of games is daunting to say the least, even if I’ve been a gamer my whole life.

Any insight helps, but totally understand if you don’t have a straightforward answer to this question lol. You rock, and hope you’re having a good day!

Ahhh first off, thank you so much for reading my fic <33 You best believe I recognize your username when you like my posts and I appreciate it every single time. C: Second, thank you for asking a question!!! I am unreasonably excited to answer it!

To answer your question, I have a few tips, but I will say it will definitely depend on where you live what resources are available to you (it sucks, and it's honestly a huge downside to this industry :') ). Some tips below, sorted by, like availability ~

Networking from anywhere:

Join Discords! There are a ton for general game developers, a ton for people in specific fields, a ton for specific demographics within gaming, a ton for recruiting or for connecting with mentors-- and honestly, it can seem like a lot, there are a ton of people, a lot of them might already know each other, etc. but everyone is super friendly and super willing to help.

Join GameJams! I cannot stress this enough, but one of the biggest things that will help someone transition into games from another field is experience making games (I know it sounds counterintuitive, but bear with me haha)-- but making games, even if they're small games you make with a group over a weekend, shows directly applicable experience and looks great on a portfolio! GameJams are an easy way to find a group, set aside time, and make a game before you even join a studio. Bonus note: animators are *always* in high demand for those.

Reach out to people whose work you like directly! This is by far the most nerve-wrecking (to me at least), but reaching out to people, like cold-emailing, cold-LinkedIn messaging, is just such a good way to get to know people. As awkward as it is for you, people who like what they do will always be excited to answer questions and help set you on a path forward (like me! I receive messages myself and each time I get excited that someone even bothered to reach out tbh). If you're super lucky, you may even get a mentor out of it!

From in-person locations:

Join local indie dev meetups! I've done this in my area, and each and every time everyone is so willing to talk, to connect, and to give each other advice. The best part of these meetups is that they tend to be very informal, and you may even find teams looking to expand.

(Disclaimer, this one is expensive and genuine connections can be difficult given the sheer number of participants, but it's not impossible) Attend conventions/game dev events! Even at GDC, people from all types of industries attend to try to get their foot in the door, speak with recruiters, get portfolio advice, and learn a bit more about how the industry works. A quick word of warning for this one: be wary of the type of convention! For example, GDC is great for growth and connections, but attend something more press-oriented like PAX or more creator-oriented like TwitchCon and you may be disappointed at the lack of opportunities to just sit and talk. Smaller conventions can sometimes be more helpful to actually network as well.

Attend any local universities/incubator programs game showcases! Again, hyper-specific to this being in your area, but often people will take time to show off their game, host in-person game jams, and more-- usually you'll find these around major universities, major companies, and even places like video game museums. All great places to meet and get to know some mentors or even recruiters.

and some general tips for animation specifically that you probably already know as an animator in another field but are always worth mentioning:

Make sure that you know what type(s) of animation you want to get into (Technical animator, rig specialist, gameplay animator, etc.), which studios rely on which animation types (some studios have one generalist, some split up their animation pipeline very thoroughly, some have only 2D animators, some 3D, some a mixture of both), and which game engines they use-- the more programs you know, the better, of course. I've seen 2D animators spend many a personal hour learning 3D animation for the sake of getting on a game they want to work on, so the sooner you learn the better :')

Again I want to stress the gamejam, but if you don't want to talk to other people or it's difficult to find one, I would recommend at least trying to make your own small game. The reason being that, while animators in general are super highly sought after in the industry, the more you know about game development itself the more sought after you will be! A good animator is fantastic, an animator who knows why their animation breaks as soon as it's in engine is even better (and the best way to figure that kind of debugging is really from trying, failing, iterating!)

Beyond just reaching out to people, find animators you like in the industry and see if they're involved in any mentorship programs, are giving any talks, maybe already have some talks online (old GDC talks end up on YouTube sometimes), or even have guides on how they got their start in the industry. It's definitely not a clear cut journey for anyone into gaming, so there's no one-size-fits-all, but it can give you a gauge for how others in your position got there!

PHEW, I think that's it! I hope some of this is helpful, feel free to like, ask for clarification as I know I can ramble, and thank you again for asking! You rock and hope your day is excellent :D

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Better Than None

1200 words for 1200 followers #12

A/N: Hi friends! Welcome to the 12-A-Palooza! This event is my way of saying thank you for sticking with me. Your support and kindness toward me and my writing is out of this world and I’m grateful for every last one of you! This was the one that I posted that silly & fun vs. dark & gritty poll for, and I cannot tell you all how glad I was that the overwhelming majority went for the fun option. This one made me laugh to myself as I wrote it, and it was an absolute pleasure to write something so light for Joel. It goes back to a HC I posted about many moons ago, about Joel + video games, and is not connected to anything I have written for these characters, or anything I am currently planning. It is a true stand alone that's only purpose is to make you all warm and smiley, so I very much hope you all enjoy it!

Warnings: absolutely none aside from campy Mortal Kombat graphics & a terrible (but hopefully believable) made up finishing move.

Requested by: @jessahmewren Song: Kiss With A Fist Character Choice: Joel Miller - I went back and forth and back and forth and BACK and FORTH on this one, but I decided to be a little cheeky with the prompt instead of taking it literally ;)

Summary: Just a normal night at the Miller residence.

“Hey! Don’t-” 

A string of grunts and meaty thwacks interrupted your protests, blood splattering in the corners of the television screen. 

“Can’t what? Hm?” Joel asked, the barrage of attacks continuing without relent. “Can’t beat the sh-” 

It was your turn to cut his sentence short, a grin curving your lips to wipe the one off his face. Another round of frenzied blows landed, followed by more grunts. “Who’s beating the shit out of who now, Miller?” 

Before he could reply, another voice chimed in. “Um… Neither of you are beating the shit out of anything.” Ellie snorted. “I mean, look at the bars.” She pointed at the top of the screen where two long bars displayed your characters’ health. “They’re both still practically full. Your kicks aren’t even landing.” 

You laughed, shooting a look over your shoulder at the girl. “Well, you know, I thought I was coming over to watch The Breakfast Club, not to play a game I’ve never been good at.” 

Joel and Ellie had been in Jackson roughly two weeks when you were assigned to a patrol with him. You’d heard from others - Tommy included - that he could be gruff, standoffish. But either they were wrong or you were lucky, because he’d proven to be neither. Quiet, and clearly carrying heartache on those broad shoulders. But everyone did these days. Every newcomer who walked through those tall gates for the first time did so as a revenant of sorts, worn ragged by what the world had become. What they’d lost. What they’d done. You hadn’t forgotten what it was like to try to put your suffering to rest. 

It was clear that that was all Joel - and the girl he cared for as a daughter - were trying to do. 

So you’d matched his quiet. You hadn’t asked questions or tried to provide comfort. You hadn’t flirted  like you knew some women in town would do when paired up with a man as handsome as Joel. Four hours into your shift you were rewarded by his first attempt at small talk, pointing up at a cluster of stars.

“Think that one’s called Cygnus. It’s a bird. Maybe an eagle?” 

You glanced over to see him still looking up, starlight shining in his eyes, showing you strands of soft leather amongst the dark brown. Like that he hardly resembled the road-roughened wanderer he’d been when he arrived. It was that night that you met the true Joel Miller, that night that would stick in your mind and your heart as you continued to get to know him. 

“You like astronomy?” 

“Ellie does.” He shrugged. “Tryin’ to learn so I have somethin’ to talk to her about. Girl loves space. She’d live on the moon if she could.” 

His answer was simple and you found it sweet that he was trying to find common ground with her. It made you smile. “Who wouldn’t?” That earned you a small huff of laughter so you went on, raising your own pointer finger. “You were right about it being Cygnus, but it’s a swan. Aquila is the eagle, and that one should be…” Moving your hand across the sky, you located the other constellation. “Right over there.” 

Two days later you’d gone through the shelves of books you’d been collecting, finding the one you were searching for - The Idiot’s Guide to Space - and bringing it over to his house. He wasn’t home then, so you’d left it with a note. You’re not an idiot, but I thought this might help anyway.

That gesture had gone a long way with both Joel and Ellie, and before you knew it you had been accepted into their little family. The budding friendship between you had slowly turned to something more, until you found yourself invited to movie nights and dinners, falling asleep on his couch with his arm around you and your head on his shoulder. 

But Tommy and Joel had come across a working playstation with a small cache of games on their last rotation outside of town, so this month’s movie night had been swapped for a game night, you and Joel currently engaged in the first round of fights after a crash course in button smashing from Ellie. 

On the other couch, Tommy and Ellie watched, commenting on every misstep and failed attack.

“I thought you said you taught ‘em how to play this game, squirt.” Tommy gave Ellie’s elbow a bump and reached for a handful of popcorn, voice low as he spoke through a smirk. 

“Okay, one?” Ellie bumped him back and pulled the bowl into her lap. “Don’t call me that.” 

“Grow, then.” Tommy tossed a kernel into his mouth and chewed around a wink. 

Rolling her eyes, Ellie ignored him and continued. “And two, I tried to.” She stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth and used her salty hand to gesture at the couch where you and Joel sat. “It’s not my fault they still suck at it.” 

Tommy chuckled. “No, I guess it ain’t.” Narrowing his eyes, he watched as your character jabbed her fists through air. With a tilt of his head, he pointed at the television. “You get next and make quick work’a whichever one of ‘em winds up winnin’. Then you’n me’ll show ‘em how it’s really done.” 

“Please. I’m gonna kick your ass, old man.”

“Old? Who you callin’-” He reached into the bowl of popcorn to grab another small handful. Instead of eating this one, he tossed it at Ellie’s head, the girl responding with a scoff. “You’ll see, you little smartass.”

Her faux annoyance melted into laughter as she wrinkled her nose. “Austin’s a lucky kid. You’re gonna be a cool dad, Tommy.” 

Tommy blinked, mouth dropping open. He wasn’t expecting a genuine compliment, especially one that so readily put his worries to rest. If there was one thing he knew about his adopted niece though, it was that she didn’t mince her words when she was talking to people she trusted. 

“Take… that!” You broke the moment with a shout, jamming a random combination of buttons to unlock a finishing move. 

Your character delivered one of her signature lines - how ‘bout a kiss, loverboy? - and then as she locked lips with Joel’s fighter, brought both of her glowing, powered-up fists to his temples and punched, smashing his digital head between them. On screen, the word FATALITY flashed in big block letters, your character lifting both arms before the message changed and read GAME OVER.

“Did you just… punch kiss me? To death?” Joel blinked incredulously at you, the controller in his hands falling to his lap. 

Biting your lower lip, you laughed. “I did. A deadly kiss is better than none at all though, right?” 

With that he grabbed your controller from your hands and leaned in to press his lips to yours. “Good thing I don’t have to settle for that one then.” 

Once again the moment was broken from across the living room. “Uh, hello? Time to give up your controller, Joel.” He pulled back and gave the girl a faux glare that only made her snort out a laugh. “Don’t worry, I’ll avenge you.”

.

.

Thank you for reading! If you’d like to be added to or removed from the tag list, please feel free to let me know. You can also fill out the form on my Masterlist! :)

tags: @something-tofightfor @littlemisspascal @mishasminion360 @nyctophiliiiiaaa @practicalghost @amb11 @mindidjarin @jk7789 @tentacruels @harriedandharassed @joelmillerscoffee @woodlandmouth @thescarletfang @sleepylunarwolf @trickstersp8 @princessxkenobi @imtryingmybeskar @wildmoonflower @mswarriorbabe80 @theredwritingwitch @silverstarsandsuns @competentpotato @pedro-pedrito-pascalito @mumma-moonchild @jedi-in-crocs @hannahkatharine @anoverwhelmingdin @chiyo13 @myloveistoolittle @spishsstuff @noisynightmarepoetry

[bigenderanne]

Today was the first time I've checked my inbox since I wrote my side of the situation. I'm working on another post in my drafts now that's bringing out more emotions in me so it might take awhile as it goes more into detail my history with transphobia and abuse, but I wanted to write some more quick and to the point (and less triggery) for those of you who are checking in on me, and to answer a few questions that have repeatedly come up in my hundreds of asks.

Most of the asks have been supportive and checking in on my mental health and physical safety. Thank you for that! Obviously my mental health is still a little shaken, and I'm uncomfortable with the fact she knows we've bought a new house, but I believe we are physically safe. That being said, it is part of the restraining order that's she's not allowed to interact with us on the internet in any way, shape, or form, nor is she allowed to use any electronic means of communication to interact with us, either. This is why I have refrained from responding to any of her posts. It would be completely unacceptable for me interact with her with the expectation she cannot reply.

This leads me into restraining orders. No, you cannot get a restraining order on anybody for any reason. You certainly cannot get one "just because you don't like someone's hair color" as one asker put it. We had to provide evidence that it was necessary for our peace of mind and safety. Stalking is incredibly hard to prove, and "professional" stalkers know the laws and how to skirt them. I am lucky that she didn't. I've worked with people who have been stalked, due to the nature of my job, and will say I had it pretty easy in comparison, just due to the fact she was being so blatant.

I'm obviously not going to name names because she may be reading my blog, but if anything I say upsets her she only has herself to blame. Someone involved in the group chat had been lurking, just due to the fact they joined for the fandom and when it devolved into her talking about how much she hated me, they lost interest. However when she started talking about the intervention, they'd gone back and taken well over a hundred screenshots and compiled them into a folder. In these screenshots were also pictures she had taken of us from afar. Mostly pictures of me at clubs, or at arcades, or drinking/vaping, sometimes talking to men (strangers, people I never spoke to before or since, so I don't even recall these men, but I am a very chatty person and strike up conversations with people I don't know often) insisting that I must be having sex with them based on body language. If anybody even tried to say that I was just probably being friendly, she would immediately tell them she was going to kick them from the group. (She started the channel.) She would often post memes she found on the internet with the theme of how extroverts are terrible and simply leave my name as the comment. It seemed to have become a meme itself within the group chat: they'd find a meme about extroverts that was cruel, or even just a meme about how introverts are so much better, and simply respond with my name. This led to them using my face as a meme and simply reposting the extrovert meme texts around my face. The picture used was one she had taken of me sneezing, which looked absolutely ugly because I was sneezing. (To the handful of asks who made comments about me being an extrovert automatically made it ESH and all extroverts are obnoxious: try hard not to stress too much about starting high school in a few weeks. Freshman year is hard on everyone.)

Outside of the groupchat, although the photos she had taken of me without my consent was probably the only evidence really needed, "Mike" did recount the many, many times she would show up to events "coincidentally" or how she was shopping at all the places he shopped at the same time he shopped despite the fact she lived on the other side of the city where there are more stores closer to where she lives. Furthermore, many of our friends corroborated that she would often ask them what we were doing, if we had plans, and would often show up to events they were at but if we were not in attendance she would leave as soon as it was apparent we wouldn't be showing. Since we had all noticed this behavior, and die to my job I am well aware of the warning signs, we had all began writing down and taking pictures of these incidents, such as how her car was parked outside Mike's street (where it was public property) until two am a few times. The people that were in my house, I have come to find out, were minors, so im trying to be forgiving. I have not spoken to any of them since, and frankly I have no desire to ever speak to, or see, them again, but they are young and she absolutely had them convinced I was cheating. I ought to have called about her entering my home without permission, but I didn't. I didn't want to get cops involved.

Also, there has been a few "lesbians uhauling lol" comments that I can only assume are from terfs, so I don't particularly care, but for those who may be worried about the living situation for non terfy reasons: we have known each other for four years and been best friends for at least three of those four years. We got even closer this past year. Also, I was renting and the screaming did piss off my landlord and even though I explained the situation and I wasn't given an eviction notice, I didn't feel safe staying there because I started getting text reminders about noise complaints for, like, doing laundry in the afternoon. I brought up moving in together to his apartment, but we realized both of us were first time home buyers. He has good credit and doesn't have any school payments, so his debt to income ratio was practically nonexistent. I have great credit, although my DTI is higher than his. The mortgage was more than half what either of us were paying for rent. So really it actually made financial sense as well. We had been casually discussing it before we started dating, moving in as friends/roommates.

I feel like I'm doing as okay as I can, considering the circumstances. I'm a private person so I won't be putting my actual blog title nor hers anywhere. I have no desire to attract more attention to my blog, which is honestly just destiel, Good Omens, OFMD, and other ships. It's not a personal blog at all and I'd like to keep it that way.

[bonesandthebees]

hey. it’s been a while :) not sure if you remember me but i just wanted to pop by and say that i will forever cherish your writing. your fics gave me a lot of comfort through a very dark time of mine, and reading about the silly fictional brothers made me feel a lot more excited and joyful in a world where i felt very lonely.

whenever i would read your stories, i couldn’t contain my very very dramatically fun reactions that i would say out loud to myself in my room (jumping up and down, screaming, crying, gasping, monologuing to myself, etc). i read so many different AUs and oneshots of yours and i couldn’t get enough! your work is so wonderful and i am AMAZED and how you can create such high-quality writing in a surprisingly short timeframe.

i loved clinic so much that i entered a 30 hour state of hyperfocus where i COULD. NOT. put it down. ruined my sleep schedule but it was so worth it!! and then i read it all again 2 days later. and then i read it AGAIN out loud to my friend over discord so he could enjoy it too :) i recommended world forgetting to a friend and it destroyed her (/pos). i kept recommending all of my friends your fics because they were all so wonderfully entertaining and had a level of quality that was hard to find elsewhere.

i loved clinic, world forgetting, stars, 17 hours, the vampire au, the mermaid au, and starman (?) (the horror one with the giant eye) and i’m sure there’s plenty more that are slipping my mind.

i’m currently in a place where i cannot decide if i’m even able to separate a content creator from his character. even the characters have been soured for me and it’ll be very tough to separate them. i hope i can, because they brought me so much joy in the past, and so did your writing :)

over the past year and a half or so i’ve been so lucky to be blessed with an absolutely wonderful girlfriend that i love very much, and i feel a lot less lonely and a lot more lighter. i’m more active in the real world and i’m doing more things that i love. because of this i’ve distanced from dsmp and unfortunately haven’t had enough time to fully understand qsmp (which is a shame because i love quackity and have been watching him quite literally since 2013 and he is very dear to me). but!! i still rant and rave about your stories to my girlfriend and i even got her to read clinic :)

ANYWAY… very long ramble hahah but all of this is to say that your work was very important in my life and even if i’m going to distance myself from this fandom, i will always love and cherish your writing!!! thank you for your labor of love and i won’t be forgetting about you anytime soon!!

i hope you’re doing well. take care of yourself!! have your favorite cookie!! sending hugs! <3

and ps, the scene where siren has his identity revealed is still one of my fav scenes in writing EVER and i still think about how beautifully tragic it was <3 i think about it a lot. u made me cry for like 45 minutes how dare youuuuuu hahah

I hope you know before I even read this ask I saw the url and immediately went "oh my god lostmellohi it's been so long I've missed them!!!" so, don't worry, I remember you very well and I'm so happy to see you here again!

it makes me so happy to hear how much you've enjoyed my writing over the years. hearing stuff like that only makes me more confident in my decision to not take down any of my stuff regardless of recent events. I never want to take away something of mine that has given you and others that much joy. these stories are mine first and foremost, but as readers they're yours too. they've given you so much enjoyment over the years and that can never be taken away from you.

I totally understand what you mean about being unsure if you'll be able to separate the cc and the character in the future. it's not an easy thing and right now I get the urge to wince every time I read wilbur's name, even if it's in the context of c!wilbur and/or a fic. I believe it'll get easier for all of us with time, so don't worry about it too much right now. it's only been a week since shelby's stream happened. feelings will settle.

congrats on the girlfriend!! I hope she enjoyed clinic lol. I'm so happy you've been doing better though and have been able to do more things that you love. enjoy that kind of stuff whenever you can. qsmp isn't going anywhere and you'll always be able to catch up whenever you have time.

thank you for this it genuinely made me so happy to read. wishing you the best for things in the future and I hope you take care of yourself <33

also, yeah, whenever I think back on the siren identity reveal I'm like damn I did pull that off really well huh. lmao so glad you enjoyed :)