#— soph's info

[moirascribbles]

me looking at the mountain of misc. TS notes and headcanons in my phone's notes just... one day I will write you clean I swear skdjdh

[nariism]

some things you should know...

DNI WITH ANY OF MY CONTENT: HOMOPHOBES, TRANSPHOBES, XENOPHOBES, RACISTS, RCTA, or if you fall under any other basic criteria

— dni with me if you are -15 (unless i initiate), but you can interact with my works

— dni with me if you are a blank blog (i will mistake you for a bot and block you)

— keep interactions and asks sfw. minors interact with and follow me so i do not post any explicit nsfw content here. i don't mind nsfw accounts interacting with me, but i probably won't follow back on this account sorry

— i can sometimes be jokingly mean with my friends. i love them all and it's nothing personal

— i ramble a lot!! block my rambling tag to filter my content

— don't vent or trauma dump in my inbox or replies

— i burn out easily and only write when i have spare time as a hobby. i'm a uni student so please be patient with me

— don't dm me unless we're friends or mutuals. this also applies to things like asking for my discord / other social media (i don't mind if moots ask! 🩷)

— if you break our mutual please hard block me so that i don't think it was a mistake and make you uncomfortable by accident

— don't spam my account. i appreciate the support but i've heard horror stories about shadowbans

do you take requests? yes!

before that, there are some requests i do not write (heavy tw):

— proshipping, incest, gore / extreme violence, yandere, eating disorders, suicide, self-harm. if there is something else i am uncomfortable with that i'm missing i will add it later

— crossovers

— abo content (i joke with friends but will not post any actual abo)

fandoms open for requesting

— blue lock, haikyuu, genshin impact, chainsaw man, jujutsu kaisen

all my works posted here are gender neutral reader x character (stuff posted on ao3 is very old and usually features a fem!reader but i don't do that anymore). i do not write about specific body types / features

thank you for reading my rules! ≧◡≦

— take me to the masterlist

[colorfulpaintcan]

commission me if u want!! DM me for more info <33

[n-anon]

how long till you all find out magpie is also helping with the ego flames going (heh) bc who know if they are actually friends posing as a random jse fan and we didnt realize theyre teaming up to release chaos upon the fans

Buddy I already know this, I've been in the know for a bit lmao. I even made a reference to it in one of my previous asks. But yes, shoutout to @turquoisemagpie, they're doing an amazing job!

(Also Jack has referenced it once in a tweet!)

[utsuboh]

so, doing some plotting w/ @imarahuyo , and just kinda, meshing and expanding on the sea here but:

the coral sea the sea of eternity the abyss

the coral sea, of the three here, is making an effort to integrate more into what is or isn't appropriate on land. it isn't anything major, but it's there, and it's happening very slowly. its a lot more accommodating to people who want to visit from land. and i think its partly due to just how many merfolk are exploring options for venturing out of the sea. granted, the survival rate in general withing the coral sea is low. so what might seem like a lot to them, may be very few to us.

i think it could cause a bit of tension, since humans were once seen as a major threat. and obviously now it isnt as widely believed within the coral sea. politics of an ocean country could be so fun to explore here. as well as potential contention between what either opinion may think against the other.

the sea of eternity is the polar opposite here. and is actually so obscure, so secluded- its believed to be a myth. the merfolk there are ethereal, cold, and uninviting to anyone that isnt one of their own. sure, changes in monarchy have made that a bit less severe…but theyve no interest in integrating. nor in allowing anyone from the surface to pop by for a casual visit.

the abyss is…yeah few merfolk even go there. it is essentially the midnight zone and below, and houses some of the worst things imaginable. there are small pockets of civilization down there...but it's very hard to find. and with all the sea serpents, and the kraken that roam that far down... it isn't worth the risk.

[fanghuas]

hmm what book should I bring to the plane with me so I can space out staring blankly at a page while also communicating to strangers that I am Quirky and Whimsical

[sophsun1]

I decided to take a page out of your book and went to watch qaf again and how did I never realize that Michael mentions in the third episode that Brian has a tattoo and when Emmett says where, Ted says something like ‘some place you’ll never see’ in my mind that little resist tattoo that they at times tried to cover up and failed is suddenly a canon tattoo because it would fit Brian’s personality so good. Oh and thank you for infecting me with the rewatch, all it took was to see you mention that word twice and I took it like an order

Hey anon!

Hahaha, I'm glad I inspired you to do one of your own, I call mine a rewatch but it's literally watching random episodes from each season trying to get inspired for my gifs as I get easily distracted if I watched it in order. It's not as fun if you're watching on your own I'm still hoping to get a group rewatch going at some point or at least not just me!

I'm a tattoo lover and I agree I do think Brian would have gotten one maybe in one of his wild, drunken moments when he's high. I never realised how may times they failed to cover his resist tattoo up but it is a few, though some of the qaf continuity relating to Gale makes me scream it's so funny.

The more important question is how does Ted know where it is, seeing as it's implied it's probably in an intimate area on Brian's body?

Though Brian did say he nearly fucked him once which is an insane piece of qaf lore but maybe it was then he got a look 😂

[sagasolejma]

Hi I'm Saga (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

Just your friendly neighbourhood she/her Tumblr trans girl, primarily known on here for being obsessed with bugs and plushies, keeping a tailless whip scorpion as a pet, not being able to take a compliment to save her life, having wide hips and eating raw potatoes to a degree that most normal people probably don't :>

The thing you should primarily expect from following me are weird gay shitposts on your dash, but I do also do selfies of various calibers, asks and the occasional animal infodump.

Please don't hesitate if you wanna send me an ask or shoot me a DM, I promise I don't bite!~

Here's my discord server, come hang out with me!

Here's some more info about me

Here's my gallery of selfies and outfits

My cuddlebugs (tag list for selfies):

@shakukon-to @theprofmoth @lilithtransrights @whalesharkcat @godless-of-the-hunt @subsequentlysilly @panda-gril @crystalline-fox-girl @jessica-1103 @definitelynormalbehaviour @aetherborn-mushroom @rivitheguide @beatrice-of-the-stars @soph-ee-x1 @scythemouse

If you wanna be on the tag list just DM me and I'll consider it, though admittedly it's more likely if we're mutuals

You can also like, praise me here or whatever...

[4dkellysworld]

After deciding 'it is done'

This is more of a manifestation themed post (it's a draft from March when I spontaneously felt like writing it but didn't post it) because I felt like it but I'd appreciate if I didn't get any asks about manifestation* (unless I change my mind later) cos I'll share what I can and there's a lot of material available already! You can see my past post on this topic here. For more posts on it, see @4dbarbie-archive and realisophie's posts here and here and there's also some over at @ndjournal in the experience sharing tag.

*Also because I don't want to send mixed messages to the readers of this blog. I see conscious manifestation as a way to challenge & break limitations and concepts from the mind, not to get things in the world (kinda like Neo learning to bend the spoon in the Matrix if you get me lol). The latter will only pull you deeper into ego and the world, which isn't conducive to self-realization (if that's your goal) if you're focused on satisfying ego and the worldly life. If that makes sense and you resonate and agree with that, then we are on the same page but not everyone is and that's okay too, just do what feels right to you. Just sharing my reasoning :)

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I've been reading this book called Parallel Universes of Self because I read the author Frederick Dodson had an interesting reality shifting experience. I didn't expect to read info on manifestation but they are pretty much the same. I have a few books of his that I'm skimming through out of curiosity and there's some interesting stuff (I might share some other things later, he doesn't just talk about manifestation, but also consciousness, reality and even non-duality).

I thought I'd share the below excerpt because it's explained really well and might help some others. It's also a nice succinct summary of what Ada and Soph talked about for materialization/manifestation as well. I can remember pretty much 95% of the things I've ever "manifested" were from when I acted the way he described after I had decided "it is done". It's easier to do this for things you don't care about because you just end up forgetting about it entirely and then it shows up and you're like 'oh yeah!! nice'.

In the hours, days and weeks after simply rest in the new viewpoint, rest in the fulfilled reality. This means that you don’t try to “make it happen” because you have already claimed it as real. You don’t affirm, visualize, repeat or wait for it. You don’t hope for it to come in some future. Because you have claimed it as already real you don’t even think about it much either. You don’t ask when, how, where it will show up. Instead you simply do what offers itself to you throughout the day, and this will involve commonplace activities. Daily life continues in a natural manner without neediness or lack. Once in awhile you may want to re-feel the body sense of the chosen reality, and enjoy what you have claimed as true, but often not even that is necessary. Furthermore you needn’t be “acting as if” the desired reality is manifest, for that still implies separation. Simply cease to behave in a way that presupposes that it is not already so. You may refuse to ascribe relevance or importance to any events that seem to contradict your newly chosen reality. From the new viewpoint such events may still exist and come up but they are no longer relevant enough to be reacted to and interacted with. They may be the way things are at the moment, but they are no longer the way you are. The corresponding physical manifestation will appear when you stop needing it, chasing after it, looking for it but are instead willingly and lovingly identified with it…not for the sake of “making it manifest” *, but for the sake of experiencing its joy in the here, now and today. *Because trying to make it happen/manifest reinforces the idea/belief that it isn't

This is the same as what 4dbarbie said about getting ego out of the way or as Lester Levenson said, let go and let God. Just let it happen and stop trying to control the process because the more you try, the more you reinforce the fact that it isn't already so. Basically stop putting in effort once you know it is true, just continue knowing with calm and ease that it is the way you want it. Ada also said here:

If you have thoughts like "I need to say my affirmations", "I need to check my state", you're not living in the end but still desiring. When you're able to look at the thing you desire as being something that was once a dream, but now only a memory - you've entered the state of the wish fulfilled. When desire turns into identity, you know you've succeeded in fulfilling yourself.

Yes we're conditioned to think we need to work hard and put effort to earn things in the world but when it comes to manifesting, this sort of mentality will only sabotage and hinder your success. You can literally just decide you have it and then never look back. This sort of mindset can take a bit of time and practice to get used to because it is not something we're used to but the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Here is an excerpt from an astral projection book (I think it's from The Illusion of Method?) I thought was really apt at describing this too. He's talking about AP but you can apply it to manifesting or pretty much anything as well.

Unless you are masochistic, I ask you to reconsider the painful idea of obsessing about time. Bear in mind that results will come whenever they have to, and counting the minutes won't make the outcome arrive faster. It's best if you just forget about it, and accept that it is something that you can't control. You must be patient—most of the time the desired results arrive immediately after giving up control of time. If you are frustrated and/or are afraid of failure, then it means you believe you are in control—and this translates into the feeling that you are responsible for both positive and negative results. Well then, stop thinking that way! Exempting yourself from responsibility is the best course of action there is. As seen in the previous chapter, those who project on command are the ones who couldn’t care less about AP. But the more you obfuscate yourself, the lesser your chances of success —and trust me, you won’t want to get trapped in that vicious cycle. Astral projection works when you stop worrying about failure because you trust that it will happen, whether you “do” something or not.

It’s the same thing: just in the same way that being hasty for sleep to occur keeps us wakeful and alert, being expectant over the OBE will keep us caged in the physical body. If the mind is constantly thinking about the goal, it can easily enter a state of expectancy* and impatience. In such state, the mind is no longer relaxed because expectancy is a state of unrest. This form of tension is what hinders the outcome—thus, the key to being relaxed (i.e., essentially lacking mental tension) is to forget about the goal entirely. If you don’t have the goal in mind you don’t enter a state of expectancy, and therefore you are free from mental tension. *expectancy is the same energy as trying to make something happen.. reinforcing the idea/belief that it isn't so

So, exempt yourself from responsibility means there's nothing more to do because ego is not in control and can do nothing.

[jq37]

Would it be possible for you to briefly outline the gist of the Bad Kid’s relationships to each other in terms of individual pairs (i.e. Fig and Kristen, Riz and Fabian, Adaine and Gorgug, etc)? And if that’s too much, maybe specifically the Fig ones (I’m trying to get a sense of her friendships because they are so important to her).

This is SOOOOO late but I didn't have the time to write it when you sent it and then I figured I might as well wait till the end of the season to get a full picture and give the best answer. Hope it was worth the wait!

-----------------

Fig and Fabian: Fig and Fabian are the two that most closely fit the classic "cool kid" archetype (though obviously we know Fig is mainly a big sweetheart and Fabian is a loser no matter how high he rolls). As far back as S1 they were playing the party faces and schmoozing Penelope together. I think their friendship now is exemplified by the fact that when Fabian wanted to threaten his banker, Fig was there as his first mate to help out, no questions asked and no payment required. They're each others, "I can count on you to do this bullshit with me," friends.

Fig and Riz: I think Fig knows she doesn't necessarily have as much in common with Riz naturally as she does with some of her other friends but she obviously respects and deeply cares for him. The main reason she started taking her classes seriously Junior Year is because the whole party passing together was really stressing him out and she spent some of her very limited downtime sending Riz a, "Thinking of you" not to lift his spirits (though she signed it from Gorgug because she can't help being chaotic). Similarly, I think Riz obviously cares a ton for Fig even though he finds 70% of what she does crazy. Think about him following behind her to clean things up as she pretended to be a doctor and had to do surgery in Freshman Year. But I think she's helped him lean into his chaotic side a bit more as well--I always think about their side mission to hell in Soph year and her going, "Hiss at her litigator!" And at the end of Junior Year, he comes to the conclusion of, "I gotta let her do her own thing and not pressure her to live by my standards." So lots of mutual respect.

Fig and Gorgug: Fig and Gorgug have been besties and bandmates since Freshman Year. I've always had the sense that Fig has some big sister style protective feelings towards Gorgug since he's often the gentle giant of the group and this season, she hyped him up a ton with his Barbificer stuff. I would argue that, besides his parents, Fig is Gorgug's biggest cheerleader.

Fig and Adaine: Fig ALSO has sister energy with Adaine but it's less "protective older sister" and more "odd couple playfully clashing". Think them burning spellslots to fight for the best rooms in Mordred in Soph year and Adaine foaming at the mouth to get info about her crush on Ayda. They're living under the same roof so we have to assume they have a lot more interactions that we don't see and I feel like Adaine probably really enjoys that she gets to have closer to a normal sibling relationship with Fig since her blood sister is Aelwyn and that relationship is intense and meaningful but nothing approaching normal. The teasing is there but so is the genuine love--remember how devastated Fig was when Adaine was taken to Falinel in Soph year despite their best efforts? And her long hug during the Baron fight this season even though they were VERY MUCH on the clock. And Fig was Wingwomaning hard (along with the rest of the Bad Kids) to help her notice Oisin. Also think about Fig having a whole crisis of self during The Last Stand and turning to Adaine for reassurance and Adaine just going, what? Girl, no you're awesome and painting an arcane bullseye on her target so she could smite like crazy. Despite the playful ribbing, they have very supportive sister energy. "Absolutely my king, whatever you want."

Fig and Kristen: I think Fig and Kristen have two big things is common. One is they're both very chaotic people and the other is they have both gone through kind of intense rebellious periods spurred by or resulting in family trauma. Because of that, I think they likely get each other a bit better than the others might (and we can see that Fig followed in Kristen's footsteps a ton this season god-wise). Fig also decided to take on the protective, German Shepherd role over Kristen this past season which I think is partially for the bit, partially about personal development, and partially about just how much she genuinely wants to help protect Kristen.

Fabian and Riz: Classic jock/nerd friendship. The original Bardy Boys. The kind of friendship that is made special by the absolute lack of obvious commonality between the two parties. "The Ball" is a friendly nickname now. Oh how the turns have tabled.

Fabian and Gorgug: Fabian started out the series by attacking Gorgug for no good reason while he was being gifted a tin flower and midway through this season he was like Gorgug, you're quitting Bloodrush? I'm gonna miss you :(((((( even though they're still fully in a party together and spend so much time together. The bro energy has completely solidified. It's also funny that Fabian texted Gorgug like, "Congrats on making it with Mary Ann!" and Gorgug was like, "You do know I've had sex before, right? I come from an extremely sex positive household and I had a steady girlfriend for two years who also came from an extremely sex positive household." Fabian has all the aesthetics of a cool kid but Gorgug is actually about that life, lol.

Fabian and Adaine: This is another pair that I think has serious sibling energy (and not just bc they both have posh high elf backgrounds). I'm thinking about Fabian yelling for Adaine's help during The Last Stand (even though she was like why am I the one you're calling for help right now???). I'm also thinking about Adaine being like Fabian hit me :( during the Baron encounter and Fabian being outraged at the thought that he would ever hit her. I think if you asked Fabian, he'd say his best friends are Riz and Adaine (which is really funny considering they're the nerds of the group).

Fabian and Kristen: Bad decision buddies with no game who are still somehow getting their kisses in.

Riz and Gorgug: I think that Riz was one of the Bad Kids who realized how smart Gorgug really is the fastest. He's always like, "Nice one Gorgug," when he offhandedly comes up with a connection that helps solve the mystery and I feel like they have to work on gear and gadgets together. I think the fact that Riz believed Fig's lie that Gorgug wrote him the encouraging note says a lot and the fact that Gorgug immediately made him a real present (the Medal of Wit) also says a lot.

Riz and Adaine: Party nerds, investigation buddies, voices of reason with specific things that get them unreasonably angry. They are the only ones who were excited that there was an academic portion of The Last Stand. Riz made Adaine a folder with nothing in it at the beginning of Junior Year to say, "I'm not worried about you but I want you to be included anyway." Adaine in a conversation to I don't remember who said that she knows that at the very least she and Riz are going to college together. When everyone was wasting questions questioning Bakur, Riz told everyone to shut up except for Adaine and himself. They are the braincells of the operation and they have party nerd solidarity.

Riz and Kristen: I think Riz has a similar relationship to Kristen that he does to Fig. This season he was her right hand man with campaign stuff but ended the season like hey, do you. I don't want to put pressure on you. And Kristen in turn I think appreciated his efforts a bit more by the end of the season. I feel like it's easy to feel like their relationship is unbalanced but I think Riz is a lot like his dad and he not only feels weird when he's not working but also shows his love by working so it's more symbiotic than it may seem at surface level.

Gorgug and Adaine: Gorgug and Adaine don't interact the most, but I feel in my heart that they have a lot of chill, lo-fi study time together. This is me extrapolating a bit but I think they kind of inherently balance each other out. Gorgug being mechanically big and full of rage but really sweet. Adaine being small and polite but full of so much rage. In-universe you know she spends a ton of time standing directly behind him and casting spells while he soaks damage. That's gotta give you a special kind of camaraderie.

Gorgug and Kristen: Whenever I think about Gorgug and Kristen, I always picture them in Sophomore Year, Going Through It with their girlfriends at the same time, lol.

Adaine and Kristen: I think Adaine and Kristen's whole relationship is best summed up by three actions. (1) Adaine casting Friends on her to make her go to school so she won't fail and then Kristen giving her the Help action to be charmed. (2) Kristen making the effort to be mean-nice to Aelwyn because presumably Adaine told her she likes that better. (3) K2 being sent way and Kristen being like, "I did enjoy having a sister" and Adaine immediately going, "I'm your sister." (Which, from her history, you know isn't something she'd say lightly). I think Adaine is often exasperated by the insane shit Kristen does (see eg: ribbon dancing) but she was also right there hyping her up and helping her cover during the "Passed the test to give me new spells" fiasco at the food trucks. At the end of the day, Kristen respects the hell out of Adaine and Adaine is ride or die for Kristen.

[cellophaine]

Chapter V: BACKCOURT

Masterlist

Pairing: Art Donaldson x F!Reader

Warnings: Toxic family dynamic, toxic parents, mild abuse.

Author's Note: Woo this is a longer one (a little over 5k 😬). In this chapter, we dive deep into Reader's background to see how she became the way she is now. Art is not in this chapter much, but I promise he'll be back and his appearance will be delicious.

GIF Source: @/roranicuspond

2021. San Francisco.

4 AM. Two hours felt endless in your sleepless state. You sat up and, after a moment of contemplation, left the bed.

You settled on the couch with a glass of water and turned the TV on. Flipping through the channels, your eyes unfocused over the flashing images. A familiar face appeared for a brief second before vanishing. Your body went still, and your finger rested atop the forward button before reluctantly pressing backward. The image changed again, and Art's face filled your screen once more. His lips moved, but you didn't hear a thing. From the close-up, you could see the small changes in the face you had missed so much. His hair looked longer, and as he dipped his head slightly to hear the interviewer's question better, the movement pulled a strand of dirty blond out of the neat slicked back and drew it over his forehead. He looked much happier than you saw him last. You increased the volume to hear him better.

"I've been busy with the foundation. It's a lot of work, but I find it very fulfilling. I might be retired, but tennis is still an important part of my life, you know? And, of course, spending time with my family–"

The screen turned to black, leaving you to confront yourself. You stared at the empty screen, where Art was seconds ago, at your guilty conscience. After all that time, you were still stupefied at the mere sight of him. Your heart ached in your chest, and you felt a new kind of exhaustion taking over your body. Your loneliness crept along the edge of that guilt as you looked away from your own reflection. This empty apartment used to harbour the presence of another, but that was long gone. It took a while for this place to feel like it belonged to only you again.

A muffled sound of an incoming text came from the bedroom. You rose from the couch and went to retrieve it. The text was from your sister.

Call me when you can.

You opened her contact info and called. Two rings later, she picked up.

"Hey Soph. Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine. Isn't it early for you?"

"It is, but I wasn't sleeping anyway. What's up?"

There was a brief silence on her end. You had a feeling what her call was about before she said it.

"Dad called me. He asked about you, and if you were planning on coming home this Thanksgiving this year."

"And?"

You could hear your sister's soft sigh on the other end.

"He wants to follow up with you on his cut from your second book."

The Dollhouse was partly autobiographical. It took inspiration from your childhood, grew a solid root and allowed the fictional elements to take shape and become the story it was. It spent ten consecutive weeks as number one on the New York Times best sellers list, but the aftermath dulled the achievement. Your parents picked it up, and so did some people they knew, and for a while after that, they sent you texts doused in anger and emails with thinly veiled threats. Most of them came from your dad, all of them explicitly expressed indignation and wrath, and none of them received a response from you.

"He's not getting a penny. The Dollhouse was fictional."

"I told him that, but he wouldn't listen."

"He can take it up to my lawyer."

After a moment, you asked.

"Did mom say anything?"

Your sister fell silent again. Before the release of The Dollhouse, things were already strained between you and your mom, and after, the contact slowed until it ceased to exist. You hadn't talked in a few years, and to you, it was for the best.

2006. Your hometown.

Despite school ending on the 16th, you booked the train ticket home for the 22nd. The early train was quiet as most people in this cabin retreated to their own bubbles. Some read, some slept, and some listened to music with their earbuds. The nerves in your lower abdomen seized, and all of a sudden, the cookie Grace made two days ago became so sickeningly sweet that you had to put it back in the wrapper. You sighed as you looked out into the passing scenery. Home had always been a tough subject for you, and it involved complicated feelings that you couldn't put into words. How could you confide in someone that the idea of going home filled you with a sense of dread?

Standing in front of the door to your childhood home, you took a deep breath and straightened your posture. You rang the doorbell and listened for its muffled echo from the inside. You could see that the TV was on from the bay window with the curtain swept to the side. Your dad was in his usual seat, watching a game. After a moment, you rang again. You watched as your father took a sip of his beer and placed the bottle back on the small table before reclining further into the chair. You heard hurried footsteps making their way to you, and the door opened to reveal Sophie. She excitedly called out your name and pulled you into a tight hug.

"I'm so happy you're here! How was your trip?"

"It was fine. How are you doing?"

"Hanging in there."

Your sister looked relieved now that you were here.

"How are … Mom and Dad?"

You asked, and Sophie caught onto the underlying message.

"Mom is grumpy because Dad's not helping. She's stressed out about the Christmas dinner. She hasn't decided on what to make for dessert."

"Oh, no."

Usually, by this time of Christmas, she already had a detailed plan for the big family dinner on the 25th, from appetizers to desserts to finger food before the dinner started. She prided herself on the Christmas feast, which was hosted by your family every year.

"Yep. Also, the tree hasn't been decorated."

"It's… the 22nd."

"I know. That's why Mom has been in rare form the whole week."

You grimaced. Your sister ran her hands up and down your arms reassuringly.

"You've got this. I'll be here with you."

You nodded, and the two of you headed inside. You dragged your suitcase with you as Sophie announced your arrival, but you were only met with silence. You stopped at the door to the kitchen and took in the chaos. Not a lot of free counter space was spared from the various pots and pans and unfinished dishes. Your mom was standing with her back to you, chopping vegetables and dropping them into the big pot.

"Hi, Mom."

She didn't turn around to acknowledge you, but she addressed you as she took a break from the vegetables to stir a smaller pot.

"I thought your exams were done on the 13th?"

"They were, Mom."

"Then why didn't you come home earlier?"

"I had work."

"I highly doubt that they were so busy that they needed you there."

"But … they were. It's Christmas."

"Almost Christmas. I don't see why you couldn't come home earlier and help me with the housework."

The enunciation in her words was hard to miss. She went back to the cutting board, her movement more precise now, and riddled with more force.

"I booked the train as soon as I was able to."

"My life would have been so much easier if you were a little more thoughtful than that."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I–"

She finally turned to look at you.

"Why are you still standing there? Put your suitcase away before someone trips on it and help me."

Sophie gave you a look of sympathy. You obeyed your mother's dismissal and took your suitcase upstairs to your old bedroom. Your parents made you repaint and fill in the screw marks before you left, and now it had turned into a workspace of some sort. On one side, there was a computer setup with a wooden cabinet filled with files, paper and books. The other side was your bed, with a blue sheet covering the whole bed. You pulled it off and found your old bed sheet, just like how you left it a few months ago. You wheeled the suitcase over to the old dresser, your eyes roaming over the fine layer of dust on its surface. You lowered yourself to the bed, allowing yourself a moment of seclusion away from your parents. You wanted to lay down, to close your eyes, and to escape for a while. Being here for less than ten minutes had left you with a taste of dejection. It'd started to gather in your throat, but you didn't want it to win. You were stronger than this. So you swallowed it down and buried it deep, putting on a smile before heading downstairs to join Sophie and your mother.

Your effort and helping hand in the kitchen didn't improve your mom's mood. She complained about your hair, telling you how much it irritated her eyes and making you put it up with a hair tie. She was there to criticize the ratio of the marinade and the meat, the way you prepared the rolls of grilled beef, and the piping on the cupcakes. It was exhausting, but you kept the smile on your face and did as she said. About two hours later, the fridge was filled with food and prepared ingredients for Christmas day. You went to the washroom to catch a quick break from your mother's nagging and checked your phone. There was a missed call, along with a text from Art.

I hope your trip home was good :). I wanted to call to see how you were doing.

– I'm home now. Sorry I couldn't talk. Maybe later?

He responded within the minute.

Promise?

– Promise.

A short while after that, dinner was served. The preparation was paused for the day. During dinner, you told your parents about Stanford. Your dad was silent for the most part, only responding with a grumble here and there. Your mom, on the other hand, was very inquisitive in a way that made dread grow in the pit of your stomach.

"Did you know you could also take English here? At Lawrence?"

"Yes, I know, but the program is so much better in Stanford."

"So you're telling me Lawrence is not good enough for you? I went to Lawrence."

"I'm not saying that, Mom. At Stanford, the program is really detailed, and they have so much more to offer."

Your dad decided to chime in.

"It's a useless degree anyway. You were born and raised here with English as your first language."

"There's so much more than that, Dad."

He snorted.

"So much more of my money. It's a waste."

"I promised you I'll pay you back. Besides, your money is for the rent for my first year, not tuition."

If it wasn't for the scholarship, you would have never left this place.

"If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have a place to live."

Your father's friend from college owned the building, so you got the shared apartment at a much cheaper price. Your rent was covered by your dad since you didn't have a lot of money when you started college.

"No, I wouldn't have. I'm really grateful for your help."

"Thank you. Wasn't that so hard?"

Your sister tried to dissolve the tension in the air, and your parents went with it. The attention was taken off of your shoulders, and you were grateful for it.

/

You went to your sister's bedroom that night to catch up. You sat next to her on the bed while she lay down with her feet propped up against the wall. Grade 11 was proven to be dull and unexciting in the small town. The conversation eventually reared its head back to your parents.

"How do they treat you here?"

You asked, and Sophie sighed.

"They're not too awful most days."

She looked at you, and you could see the empathy in her eyes.

"I don't understand why they're so hard on you."

You shrugged, looking down at your socks.

"I do. Mom has said it so many times. I'm stubborn; I don't listen to them; I wasn't a good kid growing up …"

"So what? It doesn't mean they get to treat you like this."

"Maybe they do. They just want what's best for me."

"The way they show it is not okay. It shouldn't be like that."

A part of you wanted to agree. You wanted, so badly, to believe that you were a good person. Because a good person deserved good things. And if you were the person your parents had made you think you were, then you deserved nothing at all. You gave your sister a reassuring smile despite the doubt in your head.

"I know."

"I'm sorry. It's unfair."

You brushed it off.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault that they prefer you to me. One of us has to be the favourite."

Sophie gave you an incredulous look, and you shared a laugh. You missed this, talking to your sister about anything. She turned to the side, facing you, and braced herself on her elbow.

"So, tell me about Stanford."

By the arch of her eyebrow, you could tell the conversation was going in the direction you weren't exactly thrilled about.

"It's … good. The campus looks nice, but the course work is a lot."

She rolled her eyes.

"That's not what I'm talking about. Has anyone caught your eye yet?"

Your mind went to Art, and you felt a gentle warmth that felt like a ray of sunshine enveloped your heart. You looked away from your sister briefly before uttering one single word.

"No."

Sophie sat up, pushing into your space.

"I can see right through you. You're such a terrible liar."

You kept your lips sealed.

"Come on, tell me."

There truly was no way of denying Sophie's pleading eyes, so you ended up telling her about Art after a few moments of resistance. You watched her expression change as you wrapped up the story.

"Is he your boyfriend now?"

You realized you had never had that talk.

"We … haven't talked about that yet."

"You obviously like him. Why haven't you asked?"

You shrugged noncomittally.

"I don't know. I think a label is unnecessary."

"What if someone swoops in and takes him from you?"

Sophie snapped her fingers, demonstrating the snatching of Art. You held out a hand.

"Okay, first of all, he's not an object that anyone can take. He doesn't belong to me and vice versa. Second of all, if he is so easily … taken away like that, then he never really likes me to begin with, and I'll be better off without him."

It was an upsetting thought, allowing a tendril of doubt to slither in. Sophie shook her head.

"I don't understand you."

"I just feel like we're not there yet, you know? Whenever I'm with him, I feel … seen. There's no expectation that I have to meet. That's enough for me."

"He'd better appreciate you. You're amazing."

You hugged your sister. She had always seen the best in you despite the doubts you had. You weren't entirely sure you were this amazing person your sister seemed to think you were. Breaking away from the hug, you said.

"Speaking of Art, I promised that I would call him earlier."

"Call him here."

"No."

You shook your head vehemently.

"I want to hear his voice at the very least. You don't even have a picture of him."

"No."

You jumped down from her bed, your finger pressed call on his number. Sophie blocked the door while the phone rang. To your luck, Art picked up after the third ring.

"Hey. I thought you wouldn't call."

Your sister squealed, and you had to put a hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.

"Who was that?"

You harshly whispered, asking Sophie to shut up. She enjoyed teasing you so much that she left an opening to the door. You slipped past her, but not before she sneaked the last words in.

"He sounds hot."

"Shush."

You held your phone against your chest as you went back to your room.

"Hey, sorry. That was my sister."

"Ahh. How many siblings do you have?"

"Just the one."

Art sounded sleepy on the other end.

"You sound tired."

"It's– uh … 2 AM here."

You remembered the time difference.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry. It's only 11 PM where I am right now."

"That's okay. I like hearing your voice."

The honest confession sounded like a dream in the slow drawl of his words. Warmth dusted your cheeks, and at that moment, you wanted to ask Art to be exclusive with you. But it was a question better asked in person, you thought. So you held your tongue.

"I like hearing yours too."

His soft, drowsy sighs caressed your ear, and you couldn't contain your smile.

"But seriously, though, you should go to bed."

Art exhaled again, slow and languid, as if he didn't want the call to end. At last, he said with resignation.

"Alright, I'll talk to you later."

"Later. Good night, Art."

/

The next two days went by so quickly, with even more preparations and decorations for the 25th. Christmas Day finally came, burdened with anticipation. Uncle Eddie arrived with his wife, and Aunt Donna came by herself. The day was long, but it went by smoothly, and you hoped that it would stay like this for the rest of your time here.

Dinner came, everyone settled down, and the twenty questions game began with your uncle leading it.

"How's Stanford?"

"It's good. I'm really enjoying it."

"What is it that you're studying again?"

"English."

Aunt Donna chimed in.

"Oh. Aren't we all speaking English? Why are you taking it?"

"It's so much more than that. I'm learning the history of American literature, how it'll be shaped, and the cultural intersectionality in liberal arts. Uhm, to name a few."

Your dad decided to weigh in with his opinion.

"In other words, fancy school for useless things."

Uncle Eddie picked up from where he left off.

"What do you want to do after school?"

"I want to be a published author."

Your dad sneered.

"Great, another jobless career."

You were taken aback by your dad's downright brash statement, but you maintained the pleasant attitude you'd practiced.

"It'll be hard, but I want to do it. Or give it a try, at least."

"Writing books is not going to pay your bills. When you fail, you're going to run back here and ask me for more money."

"I'm not there yet, so we shall see, huh?"

Your father fixed his angry gaze on you. His nostrils flared, and you knew you had really pissed him off.

"You went to Stanford for one semester, and you already think you can talk back to your own father? You've forgotten your place. You can be ignorant now, but you'll see that I'm right. You'll regret not studying something that's actually useful."

"I'm not talking back to you. I just want to say that it's my life, and I should be able to live it the way I want to. And I'm very grateful that you even gave me the money for rent."

Your mom cut in.

"Grateful? You sure don't show it. And who do you think gave you that life? I did. I gave birth to you. You wouldn't be here arguing with the very people who care about you if it wasn't for me."

You had heard this argument before. Your mother continued.

"The least you can do is listen to me and take my goddamn advice so you won't end up a useless brat."

Sophie's timid voice pulled at the tension.

"Can we just get back–"

But your mother didn't allow her to finish.

"Do you know how much you cost? How much did we spend on your tutors? Private dance and piano lessons so you would have at least some skills for your future self, just for you to skip classes?"

You tried to defend yourself.

"I was 11. I didn't ask for any of it."

Your mom pressed on.

"Everything we've done is for you. But you never showed us gratitude, not even a thank you. And now, you're off to California on the way to a useless job. You will fail, and when you do, don't come to me or your father, for support."

"I will not ask you."

Your quick remark came with the bitterness that could burst at any moment, and you weren't sure if you could contain it.

"I will not take responsibilities for your failure."

At that, you lost it. Your composure, your calmness, your pleasant attitude. All were sucked out of your body, and the only thing left inside was the aggravated animosity. Its rot was spreading through you like wildfire, and you unleashed your anger. Your voice was booming, reverberating through the dining room.

"I'm not asking you to. I've never asked for any of this!"

"Shut up!"

Your dad roared. You barely dodged the gravy boat he threw at you. The ceramic bowl hit your shoulder, splashing what was left of the gravy onto your arm. The sauce wasn't as hot as it was ten minutes ago, only left a dull burn on your skin, soaking through the holes in your sweater. You sat still, not daring to move, as your body became paralyzed by what had just happened. Your sister immediately got up, only to be shut down by your dad.

"Sit down, Sophie! It's what she gets for being disrespectful."

Your mom added.

"Eat your food, Sophie. Let her think about what she's done. She's ruined dinner. She just had to make everything about her."

Aunt Donna patted your hand where the gravy didn't reach, a patronizing tone dripped in her voice.

"We're just very concerned about your future, dear. No need to yell."

Your mom and dad's voices started to blend together as they continued.

"When you crawl back from California because your dream doesn't work out, don't expect a penny from us."

"How is it that you find our life so beneath you?"

You stared at your plate, willing your tears not to fall. The conversation around you continued in apprehension, with everyone ignoring you. Your sister grabbed your hand under the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze. But you didn't have the strength to squeeze back.

You half listened to your surroundings as everything your parents said kept regurgitating like a fire alarm that wouldn't stop screeching long after the fire was gone. Your body went numb, and exhaustion draped over you like a weighted blanket. You only stood up after the adults had left the dining room with their dishes on the table, understandably for you to clean up. Sophie helped you with the task.

"Are you okay? Does it burn?"

You shook your head.

"I'll be fine. It's not that bad."

"It doesn't look fine."

You stopped dead in your movement, and without looking at your sister, you said.

"Sophie. I just want to do the dishes, and then head upstairs. Okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"You don't deserve it."

But what if you did? You received exactly what you needed, a punishment that reminded you of the facts: you were worthless, and your future was bleak and aimless. You avoided answering Sophie, instead directing all of your attention to the dirty dishes.

/

Later on that evening, after your aunt and uncle had left, you headed to the living room, where your parents were, with an envelope in hand. You held it out to them.

"Here's my actual gift for you."

Your dad reached for it without a word. He opened and counted the bills. Your mom got up and retrieved a familiar notebook before settling down next to your dad.

"$1,227."

Your mom wrote the number into the accounting book. After setting it aside, she stared at you for a long time before finally breaking the silence.

"You embarrassed us today."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For … talking back, and disrespecting you in front of aunt Donna and uncle Eddie."

Your mom thought about it for a moment. You hated this feeling. You knew she knew that she had the advantage, and she was making this as painful as possible.

"Hm. Have you learned nothing?"

"No, I have–"

"Do you know remember what I told you in high school? About our method of discipline?"

"Yes, I do."

"Remind me again?"

You swallowed thickly.

"You said– you said you stopped hitting me because … I was old enough to know better."

"Right. But it seems like you haven't learned anything. You still don't know better. You've always done whatever you want, you don't care about anyone, not even your own parents. Who took care of you whenever you were sick, huh? Who worked tirelessly so that you could have a roof over your head, clothes on your body, food in your stomach? And this is how you repay us?"

Your head dipped in shame.

"I'm sorry. I will do better. What can I do to show you that?"

Your dad hadn't said a word, but the disapproving glare he gave you said everything you already knew.

"You always say that you're sorry but nothing has ever changed. Get out of my sight. You're making my eyes itch."

You retreated to your room, and a moment later, Sophie knocked on your door. Her comforting presence was much needed as you drew into yourself on the bed and tried your hardest not to cry.

"I can't stay here."

"I can ask Shelly–"

You shook your head.

"No, they'll know. I can't stay here. I don't want to. I want to leave."

Sophie slid in next to you and pulled you into her arms.

"Okay, okay. I'll take you to the train station tomorrow."

After putting your clothes back into the suitcase, you sat there in your childhood bedroom, not knowing what else to do. You felt hollow, as if your insides were carved and gutted empty, and you were left with only this shell of a body. The skin where the gravy touched didn't throb as much anymore, leaving only a dull pain. Your heart was aching as if someone had taken hold and crushed it in between their palm. You wanted this feeling to go away, to disappear, so you could forget about it, so it would stop hurting. Overcame with the thought of needing some comfort, you didn't stop to think twice as you reached for your phone and dialled Art's number. You needed to hear his voice, to be reminded of what would be waiting for you when the next semester started. The ring went on and on, and when you thought he wouldn't pick up, he did. You sat up straighter.

"Art. Hi. Merry … Christmas."

The background on his end was noisy. You could hear his name being called.

"Merry Christmas."

It seemed like you had called him at the wrong time.

"Are you … are you at a party?"

"It's not really a party, just a get-together at my house. Patrick is here, and we're drinking this thing that we stole from my dad's liquor cabinet …"

He trailed off as a hiccup filled in the gap.

"It's making my head spin a little, I'm not gonna lie."

"Oh. I'm glad you're having fun."

Your voice dropped, and Art caught onto it even in his inebriated state.

"Are you okay? You sound … sad."

You didn't even realize how obvious it was, so you cleared your throat and responded in a more cheerful tone.

"I'm okay."

Art called your name softly.

"You don't sound okay. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry for bothering you. Bye."

You hung up the phone. Seconds later, Art's call came by, and you watched as it rang and ended. Then, a text message came through.

I'm sorry, I'm a little tipsy to talk right now. I'll call you tomorrow.

You tucked your phone under the pillow, not wanting to look at it anymore. You tried to clear your head and think about something else. Still, your mind insisted on reliving the mistakes after mistakes you had made today. Exhaustion eventually took over, easing you into a fitful sleep.

/

You left without saying goodbye to your parents the next day. Sophie gave you a ride to the station, and by 5 PM, you were on the train back to Palo Alto. You received a call from Art. Just the sight of his name raised a storm of conflicting emotions in you, but the side that craved his affection overturned the other. You picked up after several rings.

"Hey. Sorry about last night. I didn't know my limit."

"That's okay. I shouldn't have called anyway."

"No, no, I'm glad you called. How was your Christmas?"

"It was fine. Are you preparing to go to the ski resort?"

You kept your voice level, hoping that you didn't give away anything like you did last night.

"Yep. We're heading there tomorrow."

The crackle of the announcement system broke out over your head, notifying you of your final stop. You were about to wish him a good trip, but Art spoke before you could get it out.

"Wait, where are you right now?"

You couldn't bring yourself to answer, but Art was determined to get it from you.

"Are you going back to Stanford?"

"Sorry, I have to go."

You ended the call. Almost immediately, Art's name appeared on the screen. You declined. Seconds later, he sent you a text.

Pick up. Please.

After shutting down his third call, you turned off your device. You went back to your apartment. It was empty. Your roommates wouldn't be here until school started, so you'd have the whole place to yourself. You felt an immense relief as you finally got to be alone, and you would be for at least another week. You didn't bother unpacking; instead, you headed for your room. After changing into something more comfortable, you crawled under the cover and pulled it to cover your head. Only then you allowed yourself to cry until you couldn't anymore, until the sobs that came out of you were reduced to soundless whimpers. Sleep came easier this time.

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[flowers-for-em]

Hiii im Emma the amount of fandoms I'm in is concerning. The amount of books i'm writing at once is also concerning. Point is you should just be concerned, enjoy your stay at my blog - here is a piece of cake 🍰

-> Im Emma/Ems or whatever nickname u want to give me I love giving people nicknames and petnames. Basic info -> She/her, minor, capricorn, intj, australian, ferrari girl, i will defend my babies warnette and evajacks until i die, a believer in sarcasm, i post about my writing sometimes, sometimes - cause im too lazy to write, im an ambivert and a joey lynch and damon torrance defender

Books -> [series] The inheritance games, acotar, shatter me, the folk of the air, pjo [im new to the fandom] the prison healer, caraval, ouabh, dance of theives, divine rivals, boys of tommen, the lunar chronicles, the red queen, the naturals, six of crows, devils night, boys of tommen [standalone] Better than the movies, the do over, betting on you (basically anything by lynn painter), the cheat sheet, powerless, the summer of broken rules and A LOT more. 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Music -> taylor swift, gracie abrams, [recently getting into] maisie peters, tate mcrea, sadie jean, a little of lana del rey, chase atlantic, artic monkeys, guns and roses, conan gray. my music is all over the place lmao. 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Movies/tv shows -> friends, b99, babysitters club, alexa and katie, fuller house, now you see me 1&2, oceans 11,12&13, knives out 1&2, mamma mia, adam project, red notice, enola holmes, and pretty much most chick flicks 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Other -> rain <3, christmas, baking/cooking, art -> I paint, sketch, and draw, whenever I feel like it. I mostly draw though. 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Moodboards -> I love making moodboards here is the masterlist 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝Writing -> i have a few side blogs but my public writing blog is @the-ballad-of-us and i also have a secret one see if you can find it ;)

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Emma

[allmoshnobrain]

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part 04 of ? | masterpost

word count: 2.8k

“It’s just…” you started, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill. “I don’t want you to think I’m a mess.” “I’ve been a mess most of my life, kiddo,” he whispered, letting go of your chin and resting his hand back on the table. You sighed, your heart beating a little off-kilter as you fought the urge to scoot closer to him. “I’m not gonna judge you. I just want to help.”

✦ warnings and tags: jason newsted x reader, age gap (23/38), no use of y/n, slow burn, grumpy/sunshine dynamics maybe?, reader has a backstory and it's kinda tragic, a bit of angst, eventual smut in future parts, stalking (not by Jason), toxic ex dynamics (not by Jason), mentions of cheating

“I didn’t know he was talking about you,” Sophie leaned forward on the balcony, a small smile on her lips as she looked at you curiously. You blinked, puzzled.

“What?”

“Your Mr. Newsted,” she explained, and the way she said his name made your cheeks turn red. “He mentioned wanting to cover a friend’s subscription fee, but I didn’t realize he was talking about you.”

You bit your lower lip, glancing around the Recreation Club’s hall. Jason had said he’d be taking a quick tour of the place while you filled out the membership paperwork, but he still wasn’t back. The morning sun streamed through the windows, casting little patterns of light all over the floor. You could see one of the Club’s pools through the glass behind Sophie. The place looked pretty much the same as it did when you were a kid, and it made your heart ache with a mix of nostalgia and happiness.

“I didn’t know he meant to pay it for me either,” you said, simply. “He said it was a thank-you gift… For helping him get to know the town.”

“He must be loaded if that’s his idea of a thank-you gift. Damn, you’re so lucky. I wish someone would cover my stuff,” Sophie grunted, and you giggled. “Hey, you sure he’s not from around here or something? When I first saw him, I thought his face looked familiar.”

“I don’t think so, Soph,” you shrugged. “Maybe you know him from his work? He said he used to be in a band,” You finished signing the paper with your personal info and handed it to Sophie. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” she said, glancing over the form. You looked up as Jason walked back into the hall from his quick tour. He smiled at you, and you could feel your cheeks flushing again.

“So, everything good?” he asked, leaning against the counter.

“Yep,” Sophie smiled, handing you both cards and brochures. “These are your temporary membership cards. The official ones should be ready in a week. And here’s a booklet with our rules and an overview of the facilities. Welcome to the Recreation Club!”

You said your goodbyes to Sophie shortly after, holding the membership card and the brochure tightly in your hands as you got into Jason’s car. You weren’t entirely sure why you had decided to accept his offer from the night before; maybe you were being selfish, wanting back some of the happiness you still associated with the place. But maybe it was the honesty in his eyes when he’d talked to you about it. You knew Jason wasn’t lying when he said he thought of you as a friend; the memory of last night’s words made your heart flutter in your chest with a strange happiness.

“You happy?” he asked, catching your gaze. He gave you a soft smile, his blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight before he put on his sunglasses.

“Yeah,” you smiled, glancing down at your hands as you nervously fiddled with the membership card. “What’s with the sunglasses?” you asked, and Jason chuckled.

“Guess I might’ve had more to drink than I remember yesterday. Got a bit of a headache,” he said. “So, should I take you home, or are you headed somewhere else?”

“I need to go to work,” you answered quietly. “But it’s fine if you want to drop me off at home.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll drive you. Let me guess… It’s on Main Street, right?”

“Pretty much everything is,” you agreed with a chuckle. “It’s the flower shop near the police station. I can show you the way.”

“I think I can find it on my own, sweetheart. But thanks,” he replied playfully, flashing a smile. You bit your lower lip, trying to hide a small smile of your own. “You mind if I turn the radio on?”

“Go ahead,” you said. Jason leaned forward, pressing a few buttons on the car’s panel to turn on the radio. A soft tune filled the car, and you smiled as you watched the trees pass by the window. It was a sunny day, the first in a while. The start of spring felt like a miracle, and for the first time in ages, you felt alive. It was a good feeling, calm and steady. Funny how most of that came from being around someone you’d only met a few days before.

Oh, I'll twine with my mingles and waving black hair With the roses so red and the lilies so fair And the myrtle so bright with the emerald hue The pale and the leader and eyes look like blue.

You glanced at Jason, a soft smile playing on your lips. He looked focused, one hand on the wheel while the other rested on the gear shift, his finger tapping along to the beat of the song. You wondered how he’d react if you touched him, ran your fingers through his hair, felt its soft texture against your hand. It almost made you wish the ride to work would last a bit longer.

Oh, he taught me to love him and called me his flower That was blooming to cheer him through life's dreary hour Oh, I long to see him and regret the dark hour He's gone and neglected this pale wildwood flower

“We’re here,” he said, pulling the car to a stop and glancing over at you. You blinked and looked around, realizing he’d already parked in front of Mrs. Higgins’ flower shop.

“You really did know the way,” you said, and he chuckled.

“Told you,” he smiled. “You good, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart. He had called you that twice already that day, and each time it made you feel like butterflies were restlessly fluttering in your belly. 

“Yeah,” you muttered, your hand fumbling for the door handle. “Thanks for the ride.”

“No problem. See you later?”

“See you. Thanks,” you said again before hopping out of his truck.

You were so blissfully lost in thought, replaying all the little moments of happiness from the morning, that you didn’t even notice him. It wasn’t until he was right in front of you, his dark eyes jealous and angry, that you realized. You took a step back, your heart suddenly racing as Ethan glared at you.

 “Ethan, what the hell?” you snapped, taking a step back, a mix of anger and fear tightening in your chest. “I told you I don’t want to see you! What are you doing at my job?”

“You’re late,” he growled. “And what the hell were you doing in that guy’s car? Who is he?”

“So now you’re following me? This is none of your damn business!” You were lucky Mrs. Higgins wasn’t around yet. As nice as she was, you didn’t want her to know your ex was showing up at your work. You looked around nervously, taking another step back as Ethan moved closer. “Leave me alone,” you warned.

“I just want to talk,” he said. You shook your head, arms wrapping around yourself in a vain attempt to feel more protected. You could feel your heart racing against your ribs, your breath growing uneven as your fear threatened to overtake the sheer annoyance of having to deal with him. 

“Ethan, it’s over, okay? Just leave me alone!”

“But you gotta listen to me!” Ethan yelled, and you bit your lip, taking another step back. “Why don’t you fucking—” he suddenly stopped, his eyes glaring angrily at something behind you. You jumped when you felt a firm, strong hand on your shoulder.

“Everything alright?” Jason asked, and you let out a small sigh of relief when you saw him beside you, his blue eyes locked on Ethan with barely hidden annoyance.

“Mr. Newsted,” you whispered, your voice shaking with relief and gratitude. “I’m sorry, he’s just…”

“Who the fuck are you?” Ethan demanded, crossing his arms and glaring at Jason defiantly. You stepped closer to Jason, who gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. It was funny how small and childish Ethan seemed now that Jason was around.

“Doesn’t matter who I am,” Jason said coldly. “But I think you should leave.”

Ethan frowned, glancing quickly between you and Jason before deciding it wasn’t worth the fight. You let out a heavy sigh as he walked away, your breath still shaky. You looked up when you heard Jason call your name.

“You alright?” he asked, worry coloring his blue eyes. You nodded, but tears were right on the edge as you bit your lower lip. “Hey, it’s okay. Come here.”

Jason helped you get back into his car. You buried your face in your hands, trying to steady your breath as you felt a wave of delayed panic making your whole body shake. 

“Should I call someone?” Jason asked, worried. You shook your head.

“I’m fine. I just need to calm down… I can’t miss work.”

“I don’t think you’re in shape to work right now,” he said, and you looked up to meet his concerned gaze. “Can’t you call in sick? I can take you home if you want.”

You bit your lower lip, mind racing as you tried to think of what to do. Going home was tempting, especially with how shaken you were and the chance Ethan might show up again. But you weren’t the type to miss work for anything. Even when you were sick, you usually dragged yourself in anyway, only to have Mrs. Higgins send you home despite your protests.

“I… I don’t know,” you mumbled, and Jason shook his head.

“Unless you want me to stick around all day, it’s probably best to head home. I’m not leaving you alone if that little jerk comes back,” he said, making you giggle nervously. “Come on, just let me take you home.”

You didn’t answer, which Jason took as a yes. You sighed, resting your head against the window, the ride now feeling completely different from the one just a few minutes before. If you’d felt happy and calm then, now you were uneasy and embarrassed. You hadn’t meant to drag Jason into the messier parts of your life. You were giving him too much trouble already, and he’d only just gotten to town.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered as he pulled up in front of your house.

“Why are you apologizing? This isn’t your fault,” Jason said, and you shook your head. “It isn’t,” he insisted, giving your knee a gentle squeeze. “Have you thought about talking to the police?”

“That won’t do much. His uncle’s a cop,” you laughed shakily. “I shouldn’t be dragging you into this mess, I…”

“Please, quit saying that,” he cut you off. “Let’s get inside, okay? I can make you some coffee, and you can call work… I’ll stick around until you’re feeling better.”

You nodded, getting out of the car and nervously glancing around, still shaken from the run-in with Ethan. To your relief, the street was quiet, the morning nearing its end peacefully. You grabbed your keys and opened the door as Jason got out of the car.

“Come on in,” you said softly as he walked up the porch steps. It hit you that this was the first time you’d invited Jason into your place. You wondered what he’d think of it — the living room that was always a bit cluttered, the kitchen with a few dishes in the sink. You tried to keep it cozy, but it wasn’t easy to keep things perfectly tidy on your own.

Jason didn’t seem to mind at all. He walked into your place with a confidence you almost envied, casually leaving his car keys on the little table by the hall. You headed to the kitchen, grabbing some mugs from the cupboard to make coffee.

“Let me take care of this,” Jason said softly, taking the mugs from you and setting them on the kitchen table. “Don’t worry about it, kid. Go call your job.”

“Okay,” you whispered, feeling your face heat up a bit before heading to the living room to grab the phone.

Mrs. Higgins was practically relieved you were calling in sick instead of dragging yourself to work like usual. You felt a bit guilty for lying — yeah, getting followed by your ex wasn’t exactly fun, but you were pretty sure you could work just fine after calming down a bit. Still, the smell of fresh coffee drifting from the kitchen and the sound of Jason washing the dishes made your place feel less empty for the first time in a while. And honestly, you wanted him to stay — as silly as it sounded, you just wanted him to stay with you.

“Here you go,” Jason said, setting a mug of coffee in front of you as you sat at the kitchen table. He took a seat too, his expression serious and a bit worried. “Look, kid, I don’t wanna pry, but… You wanna tell me what’s up with this Ethan guy?”

You sighed, staring down at your hands as you clutched the warm mug. The heat seeped into your skin, and you took a grateful sip. You didn’t want to burden Jason, not after everything he’d done for you without expecting anything in return. He didn’t deserve to be pulled into the mess your life had become over the past few years.

“Hey,” Jason said, making you look up and meet his serious eyes. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Please,” you whispered, “you’ve already done so much for me. I don’t want to bother you more than I have.”

“You’re not a bother,” he said, gently tilting your chin up. You blinked, your cheeks heating up when his thumb brushed softly across your cheek. “None of this has been a bother. But it’s not gonna mean much if something bad happens to you.”

“It’s just…” you started, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill. “I don’t want you to think I’m a mess.”

“I’ve been a mess most of my life, kiddo,” he whispered, letting go of your chin and resting his hand back on the table. You sighed, your heart beating a little off-kilter as you fought the urge to scoot closer to him. “I’m not gonna judge you. I just want to help.”

You sighed, realizing you didn't really have a choice but to spill it all out. Maybe it’d actually be good to share everything that went down between you and the guy you once thought was the love of your life with someone other than Sophie. It felt so dumb now, so childish, how you used to think you and Ethan were meant to be.

“Ethan and I… We were friends since we were kids, and then in high school, we ended up dating,” you mumbled, taking another sip of your coffee before letting out a soft sigh. “I really thought I loved him. I was convinced we were gonna get married, you know? The whole perfect love story thing. But,” you laughed bitterly. “But then he cheated on me. With the pastor’s daughter. On my birthday, while I was working at the pub. And you know how I found out? I went to his place right after my shift, and there they were, just…” You shook your head, looking up while trying not to cry. Even after all this time, it still hurt just as much.

You didn’t need to go into all the details. You didn’t need to explain how Ethan had been stalking you since, trying to explain himself, even though you’d made it clear you wanted nothing to do with him. You didn’t need to tell him how exhausted you were — exhausted from life taking away the things that mattered most to you, over and over again. Because, when Jason hugged you, pulling you close against his chest, you knew he understood you without needing any more words. 

And when he pulled back gently, his forehead resting against yours, his breath warm on your lips, you knew you would never shed another tear for Ethan ever again. 

“I should go,” he said softly, his voice hoarse. You blinked as he pulled away softly, the warmth of his skin leaving yours as your heart raced, your breath uneven as every bit of the anxiety you’d felt earlier was replaced by something else — a need for him that startled you, a pit in your stomach that felt like hunger.

“Please,” you whispered, reaching for his hands and feeling a sigh of relief as his fingers intertwined with yours. “Please, stay.”

And when he looked at you, conflict and desire in his eyes making your heart race, you knew he would never deny you anything if he could help it. 

You knew you had won.

And you knew you wanted him.

taglist: @jameshettywetty

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

[asophiamills]

Omg I have a blog where I can post real lore dumps okay uh here...

MHMMMM SOPH X SAM LORE ACTUALLY.

Sam x Soph Spotify Playlist

Check my Instagram for my SophxSam IG highlights, it has more info hehe

Ok, so, when Soph moved in, she and Sam met one another, and recognized each other being childhood bestfriends when she lived at the farm with her grandparents. So they're super close immediately, with Sam being a friendly extrovert and Soph being a shy but excitable ambivert, they've developed a cool friendship that lasted say 6 months. BUT- Sam has been crushing on Soph the moment she walked in the valley, because as a kid Soph made flower crowns for everyone in town, and since Sam was allergic, he couldn't wear flower crowns. Soph made him a paper flower crown instead, crudely cut pieces of paper. Since then, he's had a crush on her, but were eventually seperated when she moved back to Zuzu City. Seeing her again has ignited that flame, especially now that shes older and has found a stronger sense of identity, which he finds totally authentic and keeping it real, very punk hehe.

Anyway, Sam's a terrible flirt, he tries shooting his shot, but he fails everytime, this being his first relationship and having little to no experience. And Soph's demisexual, so she needs a long term emotional connection before seeing someone like that, but she is aesthetically attracted to Sam. In the hopes of something more, she's been flirting with him back, slightly getting a little more touchier than she is with her normal friends. She's always either hanging around his house or vice versa, the pair often playing games and her getting a private show of him on his guitar. So, after his 8 heart event, 6 months after meeting, Sam eventually confesses to Soph. Soph, having been traumatized by past relationships and barely believing in love anymore, is immediately pressured by her issues and is scared, running off, unable to take it. Sam runs after her, and calls her out on her flirting and their lingering gazes and shit, and he breaks down crying in front of her. Soph realizes she fucked up. And so she decides to give him a chance if he'd accept it.

That's the hard part DONE. SO. Sam proceeds to court Soph, knowing she needs extra time with her being demisexual and lacking trust in romance. He often brings her home, invites her to dinner. Soph, feeling a little guilty, and slowly falling for him, despite her not knowing, tries her best to respond to his advances too and gives him handmade gifts, and often buys food from the saloon or cooks them herself for him. One whole year later, with Sam finding out she's Filipino (EYYYY), researches a few tagalog words for her, and learns about harana, where you visit a woman at her house and sing by her window until she comes out to either accept or deny him. He tries this, not expecting much and throws pebbles into her window. Annoyed, she goes out, and accidentally gets hit in the forehead by a rock. After an awkward series of apologies, Sam proceeds to sing filipino love songs to her in the middle of the night with nothing but his guitar and a candle. That night, Soph finally said yes, and they're officially dating every since. :DDDD

I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO DRAW THEM IN THIS STORY EXCEPT FOR THE CONFRONTATION AND THE 8 HEART EVENT...

8 heart event and confession here

Confrontation Video here

[ceroseis]

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 . . . 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

hello ◞ everyone .ᐟ ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ to celebrate the new blog, i'm hosting a selfship welcome event. here, you'll receive a sneak peek into your life with your beloved!

are you the new hire your attractive ceo can’t stop thinking about? could you be from rival kingdoms, arranged to marry next spring? maybe you’re the lead singer and bassist duo deemed a musical match made in heaven? the world is your stage!

participants will send in their selfship and an alternate universe of their choice to receive a day in the life post dedicated to them! participants can choose one (1) DITL format from the following options:

𝐕𝐋𝐎𝐆 — drabble

i will use a random time generator to write something short ‘n sweet about what you and your lover would be up to at this time, incorporating your chosen au. this mini fic will be a maximum of 400 words.

if no au is specified, the canon universe will stand in as your choice.

if choosing a vlog, please include any preferred petnames, as well as fem!reader or gn!reader in your request.

SLOTS: 3/3 — FULL

𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐏 — moodboard + playlist

you’ll receive 9 photos, building the perfect photodump to reflect your selfship within your chosen au. additionally, there'll be a mini playlist of three songs to match your photos.

if no au is specified, the canon universe will stand in as your choice.

if choosing a photodump, please include any physical attributes you'd like to see in your pics. i'll try my best to collect images that reflect you!

SLOTS: 7/7 — FULL

want to join? here's how it works:

⋆⁺₊ ༄ 𝐀𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌𝐒

jujutsu kaisen, my hero academia, haikyuu, call of duty (tf 141 members only)

⋆⁺₊ ༄ 𝐅𝐘𝐈

slots fill on a first come, first serve basis!

anons are welcome! please include a sign-off of some kind so i can use that to tag you in your post. if you do not include a sign-off, your request will be deleted.

i will not be posting any asks, only the completed requests.

i’m aiming to complete all requests by august 18th.

once all requests are completed, i may open up more slots if i have the capacity to fulfill them. this is tba.

taken anons: 🍵, 🌸

⋆⁺₊ ༄ 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍

send me an ask with the following info:

your selfship ⋆ ࿔⁺⋆ vlog/photodump ⋆ ࿔⁺⋆ au ⋆ ࿔⁺⋆ 3 facts

need help formatting your request? here's a handy template for you:

hi, i'd like to participate in your DITL welcome event! can i request a vlog/photodump for my selfship with [character]? my chosen au is [insert here]. 3 facts about us:

example: favorite couple's activity?

example: how did you and your s/o meet?

example: what are your love languages?

additional information for your chosen DITL format

thank you!

⋆⁺₊ ༄ note from soph: i'm so very excited to kick off this event! as well as celebrating new beginnings, at the time of posting, ceroseis has reached 100 followers! thank you so much, i love you all.