Tumgik
#‘he can’t handle scary things’ BITCH HE /IS/ SCARY THINGS . HE IS OBJECTIVELY TERRIFYING TO HIMSELF AND OTHERS AROUND HIM !!!!!!!
divineluce · 4 years
Text
Southpaw and Witchfire || Adam & Luce
Timing: May 30th, 2020
Location: Deep in the Woods
Tagging: @walker-journal​ & @divineluce​
Description: Kindred spirits in grief, Adam helps Luce work through her pain.
Triggers: Derogatory language CW
When Adam had messaged her, with his stupid offer of fighting, Luce hadn’t taken him seriously. But here she was, in the middle of the forest, her sparring bag slung over her shoulder. About to meet Adam for some kinda… bullshit, punch away your feelings session. Real Fight Club style, just with fewer cult vibes. As she walked into the clearing that she’d been to so many times before, Luce tossed her bag on the ground and began to warm up, swinging her arms. The scratches and bruises she’d sustained while running through the woods had faded away to fresh scars and yellowed skin, and you know? Why the fuck not bring some new ones to the game. She didn’t give a shit. Noticing movement to her right, she looked up and saw Adam walking into the clearing. “Hey. You showed up.” She said with a nod. “I heard you wanna fucking go, bro?” Luce joked, though the words came out more aggressive and threatening than anything else. She didn’t care. She was angry and if he wanted to fucking fight, she’d fucking fight.
There were certain decoctions that could dull a Hunter's strength for a time. Adam had used them when he was very young and terrified of accidentally crippling classmates or a girlfriend in a reflexive burst of superhuman strength. Indeed, Adam had no intention of winning this fight, only surviving it for long enough to maybe give his sparring partner some brief release. The liquid had been absolutely foul, but a numbing sensation and feeling of heaviness signaled that it’d worked its way through his bloodstream. His mutant healing should let himself survive pretty much anything Luce could dish out without guns or fireballs, but now there’d be no danger of him accidentally crushing her ribcage. 
“Yeah,” Adam said, winding athletic tape around his hands. “You’ve kinna been acting like an uppity cunt and your weird carny sister biting it has pretty much made you fucking unbearable. Time for a reality check.” 
Lip curling at his words, Luce stared at him for a moment, her hands shaking at her side. Her carny sister-- How fucking dare you say that about my sister. How fucking dare you.” Gritting her teeth, Luce rifled through her bag and grabbed a pair of MMA gloves. Hand to hand wasn’t her forte, she’d never gotten good at it. Swords, swords were her strength. But, looking at his smug frat boy face, his stupid angular jawline? Luce wanted to beat him into the dirt herself. She wanted to feel him hurt the way she hurt. Which is why she chose the gloves over the blunted training swords or the ratan single stick she had in her bag. The gloves didn’t have much padding, but it would be enough to ensure she didn’t break a bone in her hand when she smashed this fucking asshole’s teeth in. Sliding the black gloves on, she stared at him, her blood boiling with rage. “You’re going to regret saying that shit to me.” She said, thinking about Kaden as she ran at Adam, fists raised and ready.
The Hunter calling being what it was, most of the fighting stances Adam had been trained in were explicitly intended to kill with cold brutal efficiency. Each said style had a specific kind of physiology and type monster movement pattern it was designed to counter. Adam, being a strictly Code-observing Hunter, had intentionally abstained from learning all fighting techniques designed to quickly maim or dispatch other human beings. So today’s stance was nothing fancy. 
Adam stood with his legs shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, left foot turned toward Luce. He made a loose fist with his right hand by his chin with the left hand in front of his face.
Old School boxing stance any coach would teach you. Chin Down. Eyes Up. Don’t Die. 
“Why? She was the only one of you three that had her shit together,” Adam said, making a taunting beckoning with one of his weathered brown MMA gloves as Luce advanced towards him. “Your Mom even fucking said so,” he said bicep’s bunching as opened with a quick Left Jab, the boxing punch typically used to gague your opponent’s distance and defenses in order to step up stronger heavier punches. “You’re the weird lesbian problem girl who...what was it…” Adam feigned a smirking thoughtful expression as he aimed a Right Cross right for Luce’s face. 
“...Hides in her shed,” Adam said in a stilted impression of a Turkish accent. “Let’s face it,” he said, continuing to attempt to circle Luce, throwing  out quick jabs mainly to test what kind of reflexes and guarding he was up against. “Beatrice was fucking carrying both of you…..but when then she actually needed you for once? Where were you?” 
Adam let out a sardonic chuckle, abdominals tightening as he aimed a kick at Luce’s stomach. “Useless, MIA, hiding in your fucking little shed while someone hacked her to pieces. Kinna late to come to her defense now Lucinda,” 
While Adam might have had the advantage of Hunter training, Luce had years of bar fights, run-ins with monsters in the woods, and pure, unadulterated rage on her side. Her untrained eyes didn’t pick up on his stance, or the way he was testing the distance with his jabs. She didn’t give a fuck about technique. “Don’t fucking bring my mother into this.” She growled, smacking his cross out of the way with a rough punch of her own. At his horrible attempt at a Turkish accent, Luce felt her neck burn red. A growl escaped from her throat and she rolled back and forth, ducking and dodging his jabs. Adrenaline pumping through her veins, she did her best to make it through the barrage of punches. Adam was stronger than her, taller than her, with longer arms that could throw harder punches than she could. But she’d been through worse. 
When he kicked out at her, Luce sidestepped and caught his leg in the crook of her arm, pinning it to her side. “Shut up! Shut up! You don’t know a fucking thing!” She spat as she punched the inside of his leg with her free hand before pushing him away, trying to send him into the dirt.
Adam had to admit that a little regret about being so thorough when the enervating decoction Luce proved that she could handle herself amply. Even in the dusky forest, Adam could see the faint splot of red-stained yellow on the inside of his leg that signaled there'd be a bruise there pretty soon. Still on the ground he tried to swing out the uninjured leg to try and knock Luce off balance. 
“Really?” The Hunter sprang to his feet and attempted to shove Luce back in one alactious motion, attempting to exploit the leverage of his own brawny frame to knock Luce down. “What I see is a trampy tomboy screw-up who never fit in, so she puts on a scary Alpha Bitch act, but doesn’t actually have what it takes when someone actually needs her.” 
Adam aimed a Left Hook in a wind-up that sent a semi-circular punch towards Luce’s jawline.
Watching Adam tumble to the ground brought some small amount of satisfaction to her. But, that moment was lost when she kicked his leg out and Luce found herself joining him in the grass and dirt as he knocked her off her feet. Scrambling to get back to her feet, to regain the high ground, Luce did her best to avoid his shove. “She told me to stay away!” She yelled, bitter angry tears welling up in her eyes, but she forced them back. She couldn’t allow her vision to cloud. But, as she tried to control her emotions, the punch Adam sent her way clocked her right in the jaw. Her head whipped around and she fell to the ground, stunned. Her teeth bit into the side of her cheek and she could taste blood in her mouth when she hit the earth. Fuck.
Fuck. As she lay there for a moment, head wringing from the shot to the jaw, Luce’s mind was going a mile a minute. If she couldn’t take a goddamn punch in the woods, if she couldn’t handle this then how the fuck was she going to save Bea? How the fuck was she going to do what needed to be done. With a growl, Luce spit out a thin stream of blood and rolled back to her feet. Her hands were low, she didn’t give a fuck about defending. She wanted to make him hurt. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She hissed before lunging at him, her shoulders low as she made an attempt to grapple the man.
“Well of fucking course she did,” Adam grunted at he attempted to catch Luce’s charge. Slayers and Wardens were innately faster then Adam even by the superhuman standards of Hunters, so the less specialized mutant had to leverage raw strength through his size and build in order to pull his weight on Hunts. However Luce wasn’t a Alghoul or Spawn, being lithe and unpredictable in a way only rage can make you. Through a grapple was arguably Adam’s strong point, this was proving more than he’d bargained for. “Why do you think that is?”
“I fought beside Beatrice you know,” Adam pointed out truthfully. “Saved her from a Fext.” The Hunter himself felt really the ‘saving’ had gone both ways there, and the late sorceress had more than held her own. However Adam was trying to incite Luce into giving her all, and dredging up all the rage and fury that you can’t reveal in public when people are endlessly reciting nice-sounding platitudes about your loss. Objective truth wasn’t a priority here. 
“If I’m a stupid mouth-breathing Frat broy,” Adam huffed through gritted teeth, broad shoulders knotting as he tried to force Luce to give ground in the grapple before sheer physically. “What’s that make you Lucinda? If I can come through where you can't?” 
A bare-toothed sneer broke across Adam’s hard jaw-line. “Guess Bea’d still be alive if she’d relied on me ‘stead of you.” 
Face pressed against Adam’s side, Luce held onto him, keeping him close as she began to smash her fist over and over into his stomach and ribs. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, she thought with every impact of her gloves against his body. “Shut your fucking mouth.” She spat, though the words sent her reeling, almost more than his punches. Bea knew she’d been too weak, too fucking weak to do anything. Which is why she’d told her to stay away. Why she’d told her to protect herself. Because she wasn’t strong enough. 
Feeling the way he was using his muscle mass to try and force her to tap out, to try and wrestle her into submission, Luce twisted and turned, thrashing wildly to escape from him before he could reverse the move. She managed to wrench herself free from his grasp, but she could feel strands of her hair being pulled and torn from her head as she pulled away. “You think I don’t know that?! You think I don’t fucking know that Bea would still be here if someone, if anyone else had known?” She shouted, panting as she backed away from him. Her arms were aching, her lungs heaving. The adrenaline, which had propelled her forward in the fight, was waning and in its wake there was nothing but tiredness. Her anger, while still present, was fading fast. And the numbness, the sadness… that was all that was left. “I know Nell beats herself up for being targeted and for Bea, for Bea saving her. But I wasn’t even there! I should have been there! I should have fucking known!” She howled before throwing herself back at Adam, fists raised halfheartedly. She wanted him to hurt her, to punish her the way she deserved.
Adam had reasoned from what Penelope had told him that the perpetrator of Beatrice’s murder had a high probability of being human, or at least ‘humanish’ (A surprisingly broad category in the paranormal underworld) He hadn’t pressed Nell for any details the other night, not wanting to stir up all that pain. Adam was not a therapist. Thus when he saw Lucinda’s spirit flagging, he perceived the same necessity that had informed his own parents. This was a dark and unforgiving world, and caring for someone means ensuring that they were a survivor by any means necessary. 
“Yeah you should have,” Adam snarled back at Luce  in a baritone made thick by heavy breathing. “What ...the..actual fuck is this….” The Hunter’s harsh voice reaching a deeper note at Luce’s passionless defense. “The fuck you are you doing Luce!?” Adam’s face took on a livid tinge as he began a true assault. “They’re going to kill Nell! Kill you!” The previous ambient bird and animal noises were hushed as Adam’s yelling continued into a stream of dark profanity broken by an unrelenting barrage of uppercuts, right crosses, and kicks. The Hunter no longer bothered with any guarding or dodging, focusing all his muscularity and energy into a tool of violence. If his words couldn’t reach Luce, then Adam would fall back on the neanderthalic method. 
“They’re like me! They’re killers! They won’t fucking stop just because you beg or Nell’s innocent,” Adam hissed through clenched teeth, knuckles raining down in blow after blow toward Luce. “You give up and you’ll both die! Because you’re weak! Where’s that fucking fire?” Adam swung a roundhouse kick Luce’s way. “Step up or die in the dirt cunt! Killers don’t care if you’re mourning!” 
Words. His fucking words. Luce could handle the onslaught of kicks and punches, she let them fall without blocking them, her body absorbing the blows. His fists against her arms, his feet against her legs, his elbows knocking against her stomach. Each impact sent a firework of pain through her body but she let them come. She could deal with the pain. She could handle the pain. But his words, his goddamn words. Luce closed her eyes as she curled up in on herself, her arms coming up to protect her head, as if that would stop the words he kept hurling at her. “I know! I know they’d kill us in a heartbeat! I know they would!” She yelled, though the words were more of a sob. They’d killed Bea without a second thought, they’d do the same to her, the same to Nell.
But when he asked about her fire, her fucking fire, Luce’s eyes flicked open. He wanted to see fire? He wondered where the flames were, where the spark was? While part of her had died the moment she’d found out about Bea, another part of her had been unlocked. Flames fueled by hatred and sorrow and loss. He wanted to see fire? Dodging out of the way of his roundhouse kick, Luce stepped back, extending her gloved hands. “You want to see my fire?!” With that, she let out a roar of anger and grief. Blue flames exploded from her hands, shooting around the two of them. The flames formed a giant circle around them, their blue tongues reaching higher and higher as Luce stared at Adam with pain filled eyes. “I’ll do whatever it takes to save my family! Whatever it takes!”
Adam flinched as the witchfire roared around them, a wall of phlogiston sapphire that made the Hunter’s vision ripple in a heat haze, as very air had become a boiling liquid. Blue fire was at least two thousand three hundred degrees if not more. The white sweat-stained fabric of Adam’s sleeveless gym shirt curled at the edges, fraying as small black-ridged holes appeared. Wave after wave of dry heat washed over Adam, a searing pain mountain even as his nostrils filled with the faintly sulfurous scent of his own singing hair. 
Adam lowered his hands to his own knees, the deep breathing of physical exertion made labored by the flame burning away the oxygen inside the ring. His brown eyes met Luce’s, bruised features painfully turning into an expression distinct from the contemptuous smirks and leers he’d been assuming. Adam walked to Lucinda across the blackened grass, gait a little stiff as the flaring heat accentuated the previous blow she’d landed on his leg muscle. 
If Lucinda permitted it, Adam attempted to catch her  in an embrace of sweaty bruised arms. “I know you will.” 
The air between them shimmered with heat as the fires roared around them. Luce could feel the energy rushing out of her body, her strength being consumed by the hungry flames around them. But, she couldn’t let go of the fire. She couldn’t release them. The sorrow she carried, the pain, the emotions were reflected in every flickering strand of light that surrounded the two of them. As Adam approached her, she watched his movements with a wary, tear filled eye. She wouldn’t burn him, wouldn’t do that to someone. But, if he said another foul thing against her and her family, if he doubted her abilities…
When his arms reached out for her, it wasn’t a headlock or a grapple or any other move she’d been bracing for. Instead, Adam pulled her into a hug.
The second his arms closed around her, Luce felt all the sadness and grief return to the surface, unfettered by the anger and rage and guilt. The fires died, leaving nothing but a circle of charred earth around them and smoke curls. Wrapping her arms around Adam, Luce buried her head into his shoulder and sobbed.
18 notes · View notes
whimsicallytwisted · 5 years
Text
11/11/11 Tag
Wasn’t tagged, but I’m doing @illthdar‘s questions because why not?
1. Who is your most unique original character? 
Probably Leviathan. Most people don’t know about him, since he was designed for an RP with a friend, but he was always one of my favorite OC’s to write. He was an enormous guy, just this huge, scary looking dude who can turn into a dragon. (Badass, yeah?) Everyone told terrifying tales of him, but in reality he was a Soft Boi™ that had crippling anxiety and PTSD that caused him to isolate himself from everyone. (don’t worry, we worked on that in the story) He only talked to a couple of people and preferred to stay in his house, where he could eat gummy worms and talk to his dozens of pet fish, squid and other water babies.
2. What was the strangest place you found inspiration for a character or plot point? 
I’ve found inspiration to write in everything from a cool looking person walking down the street to a raunchy smut fanfiction that had some solid af lines peppered between the sexing.
 3. Were you ever surprised by the way a character responded to a situation you placed them?
I’ve said this before, but my oc Vyxen was never supposed to turn out the way she did. She was supposed to be an immovable boss bitch who could handle anything life threw at her. Apparently she wasn’t interested in that path. Vyxen’s issues with dependency and her flat-out inability to handle anything beyond moderate stress was a surprise. In her first draft, she didn’t have things like mental breakdowns. Now she’s always one (1)  bad day away from shattering entirely. She puts on a brave face though and smiles through the pain. You have to give her credit for that.
4. Have you ever regretted a plot point in your WIP? 
Not one point in particular but I have regretted entire works. All my Edgy Teen works were bad and the HSAU wasn’t anything amazing either.
5. If you could pick a flower to represent your WIP, what would it be? 
Is there a flower that means everything and everyone is fucked? That one.
6. If you could pick a colour to represent your WIP, what would it be? 
Grey.
7. If you could pick an object to represent your WIP, what would it be? 
A clock.
8. If you could pick an animal to represent your WIP, what would it be? 
A cat, of course!
9. In your opinion, what was the best story you’ve ever written so far? 
I enjoyed writing the traditional storytelling short I did with Salem. I didn’t know how everyone would take it, but I didn’t care. I liked it.
10. What is the greatest challenge you have when it comes to finishing your WIPs? 
Getting stuck on details and quickly discouraged when I can’t get things to go the way I want them too. I’ve bothered @silver-wields-a-pen for help on WIPs more times than I can count. I’ve never been amazing at writing and finishing things on my own.
11. When you’re writing your WIP, do you have a target audience in mind? 
I’m writing this story for a whole 4 people. I’ve considered publishing it elsewhere but IDK. I’m still debating on that.
No questions or tags on this one! But if you’d like to do these same questions, go for it!
3 notes · View notes
takerfoxx · 7 years
Note
Why do you have such a fervent hatred for Jurassic World? It wasn't horrendous, just middling
Oh, sure, sure. I’ll be the first to admit that myhatred for Jurassic World is mostly personal, and don’t hold it against anyoneif they enjoyed it. But hey, if you want me to explain in detail why I hatethat movie so much, then my friend, I will be more than happy to do just that!Ranty essay below.
Okay, let’s get this out of the way: when judgedpurely on its own merits, Jurassic World is…okay. It’s a perfectly serviceableB-movie, no more, no less. You know, something to spend a mindless afternoon watchingwith your buds to enjoy some fun action and then later forget all about. Andhad it been just that, I would have probably had the same reaction to it that Idid to Pacific Rim: decent fun, but not much more than that.
But I can’t judge it on its own merits, because itisn’t a standalone movie. It’s the fourth Jurassic Park movie, which means Ihave to hold it to a higher standard, and I have to take the franchise’shistory, both objective and personal, into account.
So, for starters, let’s begin with Jurassic Parkitself. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that, once again, putting all personalfeelings and overall cultural impact of this movie aside, it’s not a flawlessmasterpiece. There are a number of logical problems and let’s face it, not awhole lot goes on in the second act. It’s not even Spielberg’s best monstermovie. Jaws is. But damn it, it is still the quintessential dinosaur movie andone of the all-time great monster movies and still holds up today. And damn it,it’s still my favorite movie of all time. Sure, there are movies that I’d enjoymore if I watched them right now, simply because of how many times I’ve seenJurassic Park. And sure, films like the LoTR trilogy and Serenity also havestrong claims to my top spot, but when it comes to overall long-term impact, JPis king.
So yes, I am definitely going to come down harder onthis just because it bears the Jurassic Park name. I am going to nitpick thehell out of it and be the most obnoxious fanboy, because Jurassic Park doesmean that much to me and I feel that it deserves better. However, even withoutthe nitpicking, Jurassic World just fails so hard when it didn’t have to. Andits failure comes down to three intrinsic problems.
First and foremost is its unforgiveable sin: how ittreats the dinosaurs. This is the movie’s biggest and most important failing,because the dinosaurs are the stars. They are what people came to see, so howyou handle the dinosaurs is key. Don’t believe me? Just look at Jurassic Park.Now, JP treated it’s dinosaurs like goddamned rockstars. This was actuallymostly because of the technical limitations of the time. Hell, they had toinvent most of the CG effects that we now take for granted. But regardless,just having the dinosaurs on screen was so expensive that they were forced toreally limit their use. But just like the mechanical issues they had with Jaws,this turned out to be for their benefit. With only so much dinosaur footagethey could afford to shoot (fourteen minute to be exact, in an over two hour movie!),they worked their asses off to squeeze every bit of wonder, terror, awe,majesty, and dread that they could out of those scant few moments. And say whatyou will about Spielberg, but the man is the unquestioned master at this sortof thing. He could build a terrifying suspense scene in his sleep. Just look atthe T-rex escape scene. I’ve seen this scene so many times and it still scaresthe crap out of me, even when I’m watching it on my phone in broad daylight!
Furthermore, whenever the dinosaurs are not on screen,what’s going on? What are the characters doing? Well, they’re talking about thedinosaurs. Hyping the dinosaurs. Debating the dinosaurs. Explaining why thedinosaurs are so dangerous, sometimes even in the style of a campfire horrorstory. Pretty much every possible reaction to the dinosaurs is represented byone of the characters, whether it be that the dinosaurs are these wonderfulcreatures that we owe to ourselves to bring back, dinosaurs are thesehorrifying monsters that we cannot ever hope to control, dinosaurs are thebiggest goddamn attraction in the history of entertainment, dinosaurs arerelics from another time and bringing them back is horribly irresponsible, etc.But no matter where the individual characters fell in that debate, everyoneagree on one thing: the dinosaurs are a big, fucking deal. As such, when theydo appear onscreen, it feels like a big deal.
Now, let’s take things to Jurassic World. UnlikeJurassic Park, Jurassic World treats its dinosaurs more like a troupe of paidperformers, like you might hire to keep the guests entertained during an awardsceremony or a company picnic or something down those lines. Yeah, it’s fun, it’sentertaining, and you have a good time, but let’s face it: when all is said anddone, did it really do anything for you? Without the technical and monetarylimitations that Jurassic Park had, they were free to put as much dinosaurs inthere as they want, but as is often the case whenever that happens, quality issacrificed for quantity. The dinosaurs are not given the same amount of hype,presentation, or respect that the original afforded them. Sure, there was someeffort to make them cool at least, but it was standard giant CG monster moviefare, a far cry from the expert eye for detail that Spielberg brought to thetable. It was too much dinosaur, all in your face with too much CG even whenthey didn’t need it (CG’ing over the raptor puppets in the closeups? Really?),and even their much hype iRex (good God) just wasn’t all that scary. In fact,it was sort of silly given the stupid amounts of abilities they gave it.
And then there’s how the characters treated thedinosaurs, constantly going on and on about how dinosaurs were boring,dinosaurs were commonplace, people weren’t excited about them anymore, yaddayadda yadda. Pretty much the exact opposite of how Jurassic Park treated them.And sure, okay, nice meta-commentary there, but if you’re going to have yourcharacters verbally run the dinosaurs down, then yes, they’re going to feelcommonplace, they’re going to feel ordinary, they’re going to feel like theyaren’t special. This is like elementary level rules of showmanship here, onethat even the WWE understands. Whenever an aged veteran comes back for anovelty match, do the wrestlers, announcers, commentators, and video packagespoint out how old, run down, and far past their prime they are? Well, maybesometimes their opponent will to get heat, and even then it’s rare. But overallthe presentation will instead hype them up as great legends, highlighting theirexploits, ignoring the bad times, and they’re usually paired with workhorsesfor opponents, ones that can cover their weaknesses and still get an excitingmatch out of them. Because they understand that if you don’t treat yourattraction like a big deal, it won’t feel like a big deal.
Which brings us to our second point.
There’s an interesting little story about how theJurassic Park movie came to be. Both Steven Spielberg and Michael Crightonhappened to be doing work for the same tv show at one point, and they met onthe set. And during their conversation, Steven Spielberg idly asked MichaelCrighton what he was working on, and Crighton told him. Spielberg immediatelywent back to his studio and demanded that they secure the movie rights forCrighton’s unfinished book right the fuck now, because he would be damnedbefore he let anyone else make that movie.
And God, does it show. Touching back to what I saidabout presentation, Spielberg’s love for the movie shines through every scene,from the lighting to cinematography to the music to the direction to…well,everything. Jurassic Park is a movie that knows that it’s a big deal andcarries itself as such. Is it flawless? No. But it does what it does so welland with such confidence that it doesn’t matter. It knew that it was going tobe the biggest and best dinosaur movie of all time, and it was right.
But poor, poor Jurassic World. Man, imagine having tolive in that shadow, knowing that no matter how hard you try, you just won’t beJurassic Park. Imagine being Colin Trevorrow, having been given the reins tosuch a monumental task, all the while knowing that no matter what, you willnever be Steven Spielberg. You can’t match the sort of things he does in hissleep, no one can! You could slave for years, going over every detail, makingit the biggest and best Jurassic Park sequel you possibly could, and it justwould never be good enough, because nothing ever will.
Well, you could still give it the good ol’ collegetry, throw your best shot, and even when you disappoint everybody, at least youdid your best. Or you could do what Jurassic World did and not even bother, allthe while whining about how so much better the first movie was and how what you’redoing could never hope to live up. Hey, at least you’ll be ironic and metaabout it, right? Can never have too many lampshades, right? And while you’rebitching about how boring dinosaurs have become so all you really can do iscreate an even bigger dinosaur that you know will end up disappointing, why notcreate an entire character that parades around in an authentic Jurassic Parkt-shirt and goes on and on about how much more legit the original park was andhow far short of its glory your product falls? At least then you’ll get pointsfor being fucking self-aware.
Well, no. Fuck that cute hipster bullshit. Fuck beingironic, fuck being meta, fuck all that! You know, I wish I had seen this moviebefore writing Imperfect Metamorphosis, because honestly, some of its worstparts came from me making the same mistake. And I don’t mean Yuuka breaking thefourth wall and all that, I mean lampshading the criticisms I was getting andwasting time answering them in the text instead of just improving andsoldiering on. If you want your movie to succeed, then you have to be genuineabout it, you have to love your movie, you have to revel in what you can doinstead of bitching about what you can’t. And I have never, ever seen a moviethat hates itself as much as Jurassic World does. So yeah, I guess some of thatself-loathing rubbed off on me. You know something, Jurassic World? You’reright. You do suck, and you don’t get points for pointing it out!
But what really rankles me most of all is that it didn’thave to be that way. Jurassic World is the fourth movie in this franchise.There were two other sequels before it, and both were considereddisappointments. The Lost World was a very poor adaptation and definitely oneof Spielberg’s weakest films. Hell, even he admits it, saying that he, like Trevorrow,was overcome by the stress of having to live up to the first film and phoned itin as a result. It still has its moments, sure, and it’s definitely the best ofthe sequels, for what that’s worth. But between the sloppy presentation; vanishingconnection to the book; and obnoxious, self-righteous “heroes” that wereresponsible for everything that went wrong, it was a major step down. And asfor the third, well, I guess it’s inoffensive enough, but it was also lazy,pointless, disposable, forgettable, and centered around a really, really stupidgimmick. Talking raptors? Really?
So, with the tremendous gap between JP3 and JurassicWorld, after all of that fan backlash, two mediocre movies full of mistakes andone great film full of innovation to study and learn from, what does JurassicWorld decide to do? Combine the adaption decay and annoying characterizationfrom the second movie with the empty calories from the third and use none ofwhat made the first movie great, except to keep telling us that it’s great. Youhad one job, Colin! One job! And you had all the tools you needed to succeed!Why didn’t you learn from your predecessors? Why did you get sloppy?
So, overall, is Jurassic World really the worst thingout there? Hell no. Am I being nitpicky because of my love for the first movie?Hell yeah. But a McDonalds hamburger might serve if ordered at a fuckingMcDonalds, but if you try to pass that shit off in a five-star restaurant, nomatter how good it might actually taste compared to other McDonalds hamburgers,heads will fucking roll.
So I guess that’s that. I hate Jurassic World fortaking the dinosaurs I love and making them feel common. I hate it because ithates itself. And I hate it because it didn’t have it be this way, but it is.Fuck Jurassic World.
Sigh.
Okay, that trained raptor pack was pretty damn coolthough.
2 notes · View notes