#‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but

[gayvampyr]

“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

[thegreymoon]

Your post about gynaecologists judging you for not being sexually active really spoke to me. I felt like I was a weirdo for being disgusted at the idea of people's bodily fluids during sex, having a low libido and not being interested in most men. I'm still exploring whether or not I'm actually asexual or not. Sometimes I feel physically attracted to people in a way that's different from just wanting to go on dates and hold hands with them, but the idea of seeing them naked or having someone's genitals near me disgusts me. idk. Maybe I'm just verrryy selective?

Hey, anon!

Honestly, it took me a long time before I started identifying as asexual (mostly because I didn't know asexuality was a thing for the longest time), but in my case, I feel like it fits.

Trust me, I know what it's like to feel like a weirdo because your experiences with sexuality are so different from that of your peers, what you are shown in the media and what the adults around you model as "normal". In my early teens, I was convinced that everyone was faking it for attention and for clout. Later, I realised, OK, so maybe they are not faking it after all and it was just me not feeling the same things, at which point I assumed that my sexual maturity was just a little bit late in developing and that it would arrive eventually so that I too could hop on the "normal" train.

Spoiler alert: It never did.

I made peace with being "weird" until I discovered that asexuality was a thing (thank you, Internet!) and it was such a relief, knowing that this also existed and that this too was "normal" and that there were so many other people like me out there!

The thing is, nothing about sexuality is black and white. You have to find the label that fits for yourself. If you feel comfortable with it, then it is what you should identify with. If it feels wrong, then you should keep searching for one that does fit. There is a whole spectrum. In my case, my libido is very low, but not non-existent. There are things I find erotic and I can get aroused, but it almost never translates to the men around me. I just don't like them (honorary mention to the few exceptions). I have considered that I might be a lesbian because all the meaningful non-familial relationships in my life have been with other women, however, I feel no sexual attraction towards them either and I feel like the only reason I was able to form deep bonds with my good friends was because there was no pressure, societal or otherwise, to fuck them in order to love them. It is all very subjective and personal and I feel like no two people are going to have exactly the same experience.

As for gynaecologists, I just find their generally conservative manner of thinking very surprising (and upsetting), considering that they at least should be aware that there are multitudes of different expressions when it comes to human sexuality. Asexuality isn't even particularly rare, it's just that so many of us are pressured into conventional marriages, so it skews the numbers. One of my previous gynaecologists (whom I subsequently dumped) was so irritated with me because I was not sexually active in my prime breeding age, he went off on an entire rant about ~biological needs~ and I very much got the impression that he considered me abnormal and would have loved to classify my asexuality as a mental illness. We did not part on pleasant terms. I specifically requested a woman for my next check-up because gone are the days when any man could be called upon to tell me what I should do with my vagina, but she was also off-putting and dismissive of my symptoms because I was not and had no intention of being pregnant. This newest one is the best so far, but she also made off-colour remarks that I laughed off but felt she should not have made.

Anyway, TL;DR, asexuality is a perfectly normal variation of human sexuality and embracing it is good for your physical and mental health. We should all learn how to love and embrace ourselves as we are and make room for other people in our lives based on how comfortable we are with the roles we give them. Sometimes, sex just isn't a part of that equation and that is OK.

[clusterduck28]

hi! i promise i don’t mean to come across as rude, i’m just genuinely curious as to what you meant on that last mental health post where you said “Mental disorders are, in fact, social constructs. Just like gender and a bunch of other stuff, who knew...!”

are you saying that mental disorders are a made up thing by society? and if so, what do you make of ADHD, Bipolar Mania, and schizophrenia? i personally have the first two and my symptoms aren’t made up because i accepted societies ideas of Mania, there is an actual chemical imbalance in my brain.

if you’re talking about about actually putting names to illnesses, then i can definitely see where you’re coming from. medicine is evolving every day and obviously there will be advancements and changes to certain diagnoses, but it kind of rubs me the wrong way when you compare mental disorders to gender - which is definitely made up by society - because it implies that you mean that mental disorders are just something made up by a group of people and not something that is real and affects around 970 Million people (a rough estimate from the world health organization from 2022)

again, i really don’t mean to be rude so i hope it doesn’t come across that way!

I don't think this came off as rude anon, don't worry about it :3 I'll expand on this real quick

So, basically, yes the symptoms are real, the chemical imbalances in the brain are also real and measurable, as well as like physiological brain abnormalities, ect. The names, definitions and categories we use to describe them are, however, socially constructed.

An interesting example I just came up with to illustrate this would be to think about prehistoric cave people who had nearly identical brain structures to our own but have yet to organize themselves into complex social systems like we have in modern times. Imagine yourself being born in pre-historic times with the exact same brain structure and chemistry you have right now, you would experience the exact same set of symptoms but you wouldn't know to think of them as 'ADHD' or 'Bipolar mania', etc. because these concepts simply don't exist yet. To summerized, the types of experiences that society now considers to be mental disorders have been present in human populations as long as our species existed but their names and categorization are a relatively recent invention.

Now bringing this back to gender, which is a social construction that affects over 7.75 billion people around the world (rough estimate I just googled lol) Again, thinking about prehistoric cave people, they actually didn't have the concept of gender for a good long while. They, of course still exhibited the same broad range of primary and secondary sex characteristics all mammies do but the social roles of 'man' and 'woman' had to be socially constructed at some point during the evolution of human social order. My understanding is that those roles were necessary for early division of labor, as some configurations of the human body are better suited for certain kinds of labor than others and constructing those categories along the lines of sex characteristics was the most efficient way of doing it. In other words, gender used to be kind like a job - a thing that you are because of the things that you do (A plumber is a plumber because he does plumbing, a man is a man because he does man tasks)

So the same way the genders were socially constructed to meet society's need to organize labor more efficiently, the various categories of mental disorders were constructed to meet society's need to take the individuals who experience various kinds of mental distress and better integrate them into the social order.

I feel like many people treat the term 'social construct' as some sort of value judgement, as it it's synonymous with 'fake' but it's really a value-neutral term that is used to describe stuff that doesn't exist outside the context of human society. Every single social construction was invented at a certain stage of social evolution for a reason, it solved some kind of problem and served some kind of purpose for the particular subset of people at a particular time who invented and shaped it. But the main purpose of identifying various social phenomena as socially constructed is to help think of society as something evolving and malleable, as something that is made up of various elements that can be either kept the same, reformed or retired entirely in some cases. In other words, every social construct serves a purpose but it doesn't mean it serves it prefectly and without creating more problems in the process.

TL;DR genders and mental disorders - malleable socially constructed categories. Human sexual dimorphism and individual experiences of mentally ill people - measurable and real.

[kaisa-ryo]

Megumi Fushiguro NSFW Alphabet

Warning: English isn't my native language!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

A = Aftercare (What he likes after sex)

Nothing can be better than looking at you, studying every part of your face up close. Watch how your eyelashes tremble, how your chest rises and falls, inhaling and exhaling air. So familiar, so lovable. What a beautiful and so necessary face at this moment. From time to time he wants to run his fingers over it, remember it, photograph it. I want to look at your face for a very, very long time. Then he drops those thoughts because he needs to focus on trying to sleep.

B = Body part (His favorite body part)

Lips.

God, he so enjoys watching you bite them, lick them, paint them with glitter. This is essentially a small insignificant part of the body, but so demanding for courting and kissing. Yes, kisses ... Megumi so wants to touch them and do it yourself: bite, lick, paint with glitter ... After all, they seem so soft and delicious.

C = Cum (Everything about sperm)

Into a condom. Even if it is not always convenient and completely satisfactory with an elastic band, Megumi still prefers to protect herself. In addition, it is useless to oppose this if you do not want problems in the future. But if you ever ask him to do it without a condom, he might even agree, though not right away. First, make sure that you really want it, since he was not ready to ever do this. So don't be surprised if he gets worried during the process.

D = Dirty secret

From time to time he thinks about how you will take full control over yourself. It makes him mentally convince himself what a lustful bitch you are for him. He understands how you revel in your own perfection, how this thin erotic veil allows you to devour him with your eyes, hypnotize. It almost makes you a god. But the deity should not so protrude his sexuality in front of his beloved. Therefore, if you do so, then in the morning Megumi will throw some reproach in your direction, but at the same time he himself will remain satisfied and completely satisfied.

E = Experience

There is. If in high school he was a cold-blooded bully with a good appearance, then it is possible that Megumi had favorites back then. Not to say that, under the influence of hormones, he wanted to fuck every girl, because on his mind he had only the goal of maintaining justice with vague and false concepts. Yet he tried it once. She was a girl with high status and good connections, which were beneficial for him to achieve his goal. Sex without commitment is not the best experience that can be obtained, because apart from the pleasure of the process, you do not feel attracted to your partner. But what you just do not go to achieve the goal, right? The guy did not particularly remember that incident, but a clear understanding of the foundations of the art of submission remained.

Now he doesn't want to remember school life, because both character and actions were not sugar at all. In addition, the intentions of what then and what from now are different, one should not exceed expectations. But speaking of being intimate with you, Fushiguro has acquired a real bond that makes intercourse more sensual.

F = Favorite position

A deck chair is a great option. It seems like an ordinary missionary, but both he and you have something to hold on to. And as a bonus, he sees your face, by which he can give an accurate analysis of how well you are now.

G = Goofy (Are you serious at this moment?)

Yes. Despite the main goal of getting pleasure, it is also important for him to control it. He is not afraid to death that everything will go downhill. It's just that perfect sex hasn't bothered anyone yet. In addition, it is not at all difficult for him to do as he wants. Therefore, he feels a great need for complete control over intercourse. If everything is done correctly, he feels proud of himself, which cannot but please him.

H = Hair (Is the hair ok?)

Hygiene is as important to him as every other aspect of his life, especially if it somehow, no matter how, concerns you. You never need to remind him of this, as he himself tries to take care of the intimate area as often as possible. Therefore, he is unlikely to have problems providing comfort for both of you.

I = Intimacy (Romance)

There is. These are mostly cute things that are usually not considered very important, but for you they are like a trophy. For example kisses on the forehead, crown of the head, knuckles of thin fingers, neck and shoulders. It is like a ritual dedicated to love for your beauty and uniqueness. Even if the process is not very sophisticated, you get pleasure every time. Towards the end, you realize that you have gained much more than the warmth from light, but sensitive touch.

J = Jack off (masturbation)

There is such a thing. And you don't have to be far away. If you have not done this for a long time, but for some reason he is afraid or does not want to offer you, then do not mind masturbating to one of your photos in the gallery.

K = Kink (Kinks and fetishes)

The guy is not indifferent to your body, no matter what shape it has. Feel his smell, touch, stroke, listen until all these tenderness reaches light bites, squeezes, licks ... He feels everything much more sophisticated than it seems. And nature is such that subconsciously very subtly feels desires. Even if they are not at all.

He likes it when you walk in sexy pajamas, stockings that accentuate the shape of your legs or open clothes, although he doesn't always approve of this, because he knows perfectly well that he is not the only one who likes your body.

I like to give you different jewelry because they look so perfect on you. It is not for nothing that people say: "It is not clothes that paint a person, but a person's clothes."

For Fushiguro, this is both the main aesthetics and a source of inexhaustible pleasure, which is noticeable with the naked eye.

L = Location (Favorite places to have sex)

Not a lover of variety, so the option with a bed is the most ideal for him. Moreover, the bed is large and soft, which allows you to do a lot without any discomfort. You often feel tired after sex (unless you're a sex addict), so in the case of a bed, you don't have to worry about passing out on the table or floor. Yes, with the bed, you are subject to almost all poses!

Fushiguro is also not cold to the sofa, which is not much different from the bed in terms of sex. On it he can relax while you ride it, clutching his shoulders or pants. The sofa is also a good control plane, which can be easily used if you understand that you need to get up. It's still convenient! Why do you even need a shower and a table?

M = Motivation

When you walk around the house in the open in only panties and a bra. He doesn't like it very much, but heck, he really doesn't want to admit that he is actually embarrassed and it still turns him on. And when he comes to pick you up from home to take you somewhere, and then finds you not ready, in only one underwear, he will be indignant at why you are still not dressed, then he will turn away, covering his face with his hand and making a slightly trembling exhale. At this time, you will notice how his cheeks and ears turn red and giggle softly, pulling on a T-shirt. Once you specifically asked him to fasten his bra, knowing that it will start. After all, in front of him, a close-up flaunts your completely naked back, which you can touch and stroke. It seems that another second and he will lose control of himself and go into a rage. Holding his breath, he will begin to gently stroke the delicate skin and excitedly run his fingers up and down the spine, feeling his legs trembling from the touch. You will have to bite your lips in order not to turn around, and all this time with concentration to look in the direction where your shadows are reflected in a black silhouette on the wall a few meters away.

Also no less exciting for him is your passion for something. If you diligently write an essay, essay, read interesting books, even just tap your nails on a hard surface - he will be immersed in your actions. After all, the main thing for him is not the process of action itself, but how you perform it. When Fushiguro sees you at work, he enjoys every second of what is happening.

N = No (Which won't do)

What he considers to be risk or abnormal.

Megumi is for healthy sex and will not settle for BDSM, role-playing or sadomasochistic procedures. Especially complete submission. It does not arouse and does not cause orgasm from the word at all. He believes that such an idiotic variety was invented by mentally ill people, after whom everything is repeated for the reason of "fashion", public manipulation and self-hypnosis. In addition, in order to decide on such an idea, you either need to be a crazy psychopath, or stop respecting yourself. At least Megumi thinks so and has no doubts about it.

O = Oral (Likes to receive or to give)

In this regard, Fushiguro tries to maintain balance.

Yes, he likes to hear your drawn-out muffled moans. I like how you all wriggle under it and beg you not to stop. I like the way you cum. But it is no less exciting to see how you walk with your thin fingers along the entire length of his penis, and then clasp your lips and swallow it as deeply as possible, periodically circling the head with your dexterous tongue. Therefore, he is not inclined to prioritize. He continues to give you pleasure simply because he thinks it is right, and when he himself wants to feel pleasure, you will guess it yourself by his eyes, facial expression and swaying his hips in time with your movements.

P = Pace

As a rule, Megumi tries to do it in full force. Physical strength is still a man's trump card in love, and should not be underestimated. But it needs to be properly stimulated. Energy should not be pushed to the limit. Fushiguro was used to stretching his orgasm, speeding up and then stopping for ten seconds. Then the surge of feelings becomes even stronger. Too much speed will immediately lead to overwork, and the orgasm becomes smooth and short. It's too predictable. Of course, the guy is not a fan of variety, but that does not mean that you absolutely cannot pamper yourself, right?

Q = Quickie

Average. The most common.

And what else do you need? High speed does not allow you to feel the process properly, and low speed dampens all excitement and quickly gets bored. Medium is perfect for both of you.

R = Risk (Ready to experiment)

Not ready.

You shouldn't force him to try new sensations. This will cause him discomfort or even anxiety, which will not lead to the best outcome. Once you talked to him about this, at the end he said that he didn’t like it and asked him not to bother with this topic anymore, since even the thought of it introduces him into slight stress. Not because of the experiments themselves, but the very fact of their fear. He is currently struggling with this because he wants to be completely perfect for you. However, it is unacceptable for him that it is easy for him to control the process, but it is so difficult to start experimenting in terms of sexual relations. He will definitely deal with it. Not right away, but it will cope.

S = Stamina (Stamina)

Pretty decent

Getting pleasure is enough for both of you, so you have the strength to wash in the shower, make tea, read a book and just lie around, warming your bodies with hugs. It even happens that there is enough strength to walk along the street, restoring not only physical balance, but also emotional one. Still, a walk in the fresh air with conversations on various topics does not let you forget that your love is real and is not a farce for sexual gratification.

T = Toys

It treats all their varieties badly.

Another trinket invented by the unbalanced and sexually addicted. You both have enough and an ordinary hookup without stupid "decorations".

* In fact, once the thought flew through his head about how you would react if he shoved a vibrator into your vagina as close to your clitoris as possible. And how he later, in all seriousness, assured himself that he would not offer you such a thing for anything. Recalls a magazine article about sexual fantasies among teenagers at thirteen. As a result, having mentally slapped myself in the face, I never thought about it again.

U = Unfair (Does he like to tease)

Yes!

He doesn't like to admit it, but oh my god, how your pleading and sobbing drives him crazy. At such moments, he seems to be in seventh heaven. He would like to listen to them, but then all the pleasure from the upcoming orgasm will disappear. He wants to satisfy his desire as soon as possible, but he really doesn’t want your sweet voice to stop at such seconds ... And when you finally finish, everything inside him contracts. Because now you shout his name instead of muffled moans. It feels like he is special to you. Yes, only he can make you make a mess in your body, which was just so obedient. Only with him can you finally plunge you into ecstasy.

V = Volume (How loud is it)

At first, he is silent, as if swallowed his tongue. But by the middle it already starts to grow. But if you only knew how uncontrollable he is in the end ... although, why am I crucifying here? Of course you know.

At this time, along with orgasm, he realizes how fucking he is. So inside him begins a feverish flow of internal current, and at the same time a fire flares up in his heart, turning into a high.

W = Wild card (Random headcanon)

When you first slept, the spontaneous thought came to you to look into his phone. Nothing criminal, you just wanted to make sure you were the first.

Waking up first and looking at the phone, which surprisingly had no password, you checked the list of contacts that were not embellished in some way, and in general there were not as many of them as you expected. But you, apparently, so much enjoyed digging into his personal life, feeling like a real Sherlock, that you decided to look at Google. There already began something from which you simply could not help but emit an unrestrained laugh: more than ten tabs related to sexual relations, the structure of the vagina, the consequences of the "first time", precautions for intercourse and a bunch of other things. You could hardly restrain your laughter so as not to wake up your loved one, who apparently became a real Alpha and a sex guru in just one evening.

It's been a long time since that moment, but you still haven't admitted to him that you then got into his phone.

X = X-ray (What's under the clothes)

14.5 cm during erection ± 1

Y = Yearning (How high is the sex drive)

Megumi cannot be called “lonely-touchy-with-a-broken-heart”, but “addict” is certainly not about him. This is an unexpected manifestation of desire when he himself begins to kiss your neck, in the hope of showing your initiative. Usually you make love at your request or at a noticeable hint. Fucking you in bed, he is not looking for any benefit for it and is not chasing cheap bonuses. He thinks that he is simply satisfying his sexual need, and does not go further so that you, too, do not get hung up on sex as an important part of your life.

4/10

Z = Zzz (How quickly falls asleep)

Quickly, if you are not trying to distract him with conversations (you are not always sure that you did everything right and completely satisfied him).

If you want to annoy him with requests, for example, if you are cold and you tell him about it, he will immediately cover you with a blanket. But you are more cunning and you do not need a blanket at all, but his strong arms.

— Mmm... and I wanted to warm myself in your arms...

Then Fushiguro will roll his eyes, sigh loudly and hug you from behind.

— I want you to kiss the top of my head! — you will rather smile when he reluctantly, but still will do it.

— Will you sing me a lullaby? - then the guy will understand that further you are just making fun of him.

— Maybe you still dance?

— What a good idea! Stand by that closet.

— Sleep, princess.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

[thevagueambition]

Tonks, Lan Xichen and my darling boy Bossuet, please sir :3

I shall provide! :P thanks for asking!

Tonks

Sexuality Headcanon: Mostly she's just vibing but she tends to date girls. Not super concerned with labeling anything, but will casually refer to herself as gay.

Gender Headcanon: A vague hand gesture followed by a shrug. She prefers a butch aesthetic and her bio would say "any pronouns"

A ship I have with said character: I don't super ship her with anyone tbh

A BROTP I have with said character: Mad-Eye as her mentor is super funny to me and she herself makes a good gay mentor for Ginny lol. I also want to see her make friends with Sirius and Remus

A NOTP I have with said character: Not as notp as some notps I have but due to the history of their relationship being used to crush gay readings of either character involved, Tonks/Remus. I really respect when people write that as very queer in and of itself but on a personal level I can't really get over 1) the intent it was likely written with 2) the way it's written in canon.

A random headcanon: She's involved with 90s zine culture

General Opinion over said character: I am extremely fond of her. Along with Remus, she's the most queercoded character in HP.

Lan Xichen (I probably have some unpopular opinions here lol)

Sexuality Headcanon: hmm so this is complicated by the psudo-historical context because... I see LXC as someone whose primary concern (or at least one of them) is living up to the ideal of a man of his status as defined by his society and I think what the setting is emulating is a society where a marriage to a woman is part of that and romantic sentiments aren't really considered abnormal in male-male friendships. And I see him as someone who is satisfied within that system. So if being "straight" is having a sexuality that is not at odds with societal norms, that is what I see him as. True, he doesn't show much interest in women, but frankly homosocial relationships were often the most emotionally significant relationships people had in heavily gender stratified societies like all of MDZS and particularly the Cloud Recess is, regardless of the presence of any sexual attraction. Idk. Like I genuinely feel like I'd need to read a great deal more about sexuality in the period of Chinese history MDZS draws its inspiration from to give an actual answer lol

Gender Headcanon: He seems pretty normatively cis male and indeed concerned with living up to his duties as a highborn man specifically.

A ship I have with said character: I somewhat ship him with Jin Guangyao but only along the lines of "acceptable" romantic sentiments because personally i really prefer that LWJ's homosexuality is uniquely transgressive within his immediate surroundings. if you see WWX as gay, which I think makes as much sense as seeing him as bi, then ofc once they get together it's not unique in that WWX is also being openly gay, but what I mean is the ways in which eg LWJ openly declares his love for WWX to LXC in the backstory, doesn't mind people assuming he's fucking Mo Xuanyu, etc

A BROTP I have with said character: Jin Guangyao as well, LWJ ofc (the literal bro B) )

A NOTP I have with said character: I REALLY don't want to see him with WWX lol

A random headcanon: In some ways he acted as LWJs parent due to the situation with their parents. Their uncle stepped in to do a lot or parenting, yes, but I think LXC is the type of older sibling who has a very parental relation to their younger sibling due to elements of how they grew up combined with general personality

General Opinion over said character: He's really great. The absolute gap moe of how calm he usually is contrasted with his reaction to the JGY reveal.... fantastic. Also every time he teases LWJ is so valid lol. Truly he is great Older Brother Rep lol

Bossuet

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual in the exact manner a lot of historical men who have sex with men were lol

Gender Headcanon: Cis male, albeit complicated by his sexuality, as it always would have been at the time

A ship I have with said character: Both Joly/Bossuet on their own and power triad Joly/Bossuet/Musichetta

A BROTP I have with said character: Bossuet and Grantaire have such great canon interactions! They're clearly close and imo Bossuet is one of the few people Grantaire sometimes listens to because Bossuet bothering to argue with him in Back Room of the Café Musain is exactly because they're good enough friends that he feels he can say it and should be the one to do so, as well that he has some experience of sometimes halting Grantaire in his Grantaire-ing

A NOTP I have with said character: Hmm nothing comes to mind really

A random headcanon: In some ways he's who Grantaire could be if he wasn't so deep in a pit of mental illness and self pity and Bossuet's aware of that to some extent, understands that who Grantaire is is not that far from who he could be if he lost his belief in Progress and didn't have Joly. IMO Bossuet is incredibly observant, particularly emotionally.

General Opinion over said character: Imagine acidentially giving up your spot at uni to another student because you got so annoyed with the professor that you began trolling him but it backfired and then telling this to the guy who you gave up your spot for but in a way where you frame it as if you did it completely intentionally and indeed you're thankful to him because now you don't have to go to law school all because you don't want him to feel bad about it and also it's funnier Bossuet Is That Dude

Honestly, he's one of my absolute favourites

[ksmutclub]

Let’s take a step...

Good Evening Everyone. Admin Tomi here.

I think we’ve reached the need for a full stop. 

There’s going to be a lot here - please hang with me. I ask that you read this thoroughly, because I would like to have this be the cease fire for the current situation. 

Firstly,

We are deeply sorry for any hurt, pain, trigger, or traumatic essence that has arisen in the midst of viewing the Monster Smash prompt list. 

These prompts are based on popular horror movies and books. Things that we easily associate with Horror via authors like James Patterson and Stephen King [which a good chunk of these prompts come from]. So to us, and a majority of the voters/members, who wanted it to return? There was no issue. 

The club rules *specifically* state that we do not allow the following

WHAT WE DON’T REBLOG

Sexualization of minors,

Incest,

Eating disorders,

Self harm,

Glorification of mental illnesses,

Animal abuse,

Any controversial topics,

Political topics,

Masterlists,

WIPs posts,

Domestic violence,

Abusive relationships,

Pedophilia,

Necrophilia,

Homophobic topics,

Racist topics.

Rape.

That has been the long standing no-no’s of this club since its inception.  We didn’t understand why the anons, and few members that came forward, would think that we would: 

A - allow any story that breaks the rules to pass through. B - that any of the writers/creators/esteemed members of this club would dip down to those levels to create material that does exactly what we ask not to be done.

We’re all adults, and trust that everyone knows right from wrong, and understands the ramifications of such issues.

We in no way intended to cause trauma, downplay anyone’s trauma, or ‘insult’ anyone with mental health issues. 

But.

We cannot stop creators from writing things that may include dark topics. 

We believe in the portent of trigger warnings required on each story. Because what could be a trigger for you? Could be a cathartic release for someone writing from a similar experience, or someone with an interest in said experiences.

We trust and believe in you all to believe in self-care. Meaning that if someone happens to post a yandere story with a trigger warning for blood? That you would move to the next story. We believe that every reader and creator are the masters of their Tumblr experience and will act in accordance with the safety of their well-being and mental health in consideration.

With that all being said? The h***ler prompt was missed/misstep. Again, we profusely apologize for that one making the list. There is no excuse, I will attempt to offer none. The K Smut Club Admins will do better to be more mindful/careful/watchful of such things in the future.

Now, a point was made during the back and forth of the evening. That one message cleared most of the confusion. A trigger warning on the prompt list. Which in hindsight, may or may not have made a difference. But, it would at least show that we DID hear you about the certain prompts [esp. the h**ler one, cause that should've never gone up. So we thank that member for catching it]. 

So going forward, since this has been a lesson, we will make sure to trigger warning as best we can for the next Monster Smash event. As a reminder, the prompts are purely voluntary to serve as an example of what you could possibly write. None of these were mandatory, or necessary to participate in the event.

Again, with any event the idea of your story and where it goes is always up to you, the creator.

To the matter of the prompt examples list? 

We can all agree to disagree. Everyone perceives things differently. Again, we trust you all to be mindful of the rules and not write anything that would be considered illegal. For example:

A brother and sister find an old door in their basement that wasn’t there before.

Hansel and Gretel; or Brother and Sister monster hunters, sister gets kidnapped by demon that’s been lusting over Brother. Or in secret relationship with brother - sister is kidnapped with ultimatum to come on over to the bad side or they’ll make the sister disappear. So, no incest. 

The abused animals of a zoo are unleashed and wreak havoc on a small town.

Based on James Patterson’s Book ‘Zoo’[and there was a miniseries]. Animals of the world suddenly developed a genetic abnormality that caused them to rise up and try to take the planet back. Believe it or not? There was romance/sex involved in the people trying to save the animals, the world, and themselves. One of the scientists fell for a reporter as they worked together for a cure. The story written could have the two people getting together and that amount of care they have for solving the menace - solves it. So, no abused animals.

Deceased soldiers return to their Civil War-era homes.

Based on multiple episodes of the Twilight Zone or the Outer Limits. People that may have died with strong regrets and the people who miss them terribly are given an opportunity to come back for one day. Fully alive, flesh and blood, breathing living - to spend one day with each other to help them move on. Also the movie Warm Bodies where a zombie regains his humanity, and undoes the curse of the undead by falling in love, of all things. The ‘zombie’ fully regains his humanity, living breathing, and bleeding - there’s even a kiss. So, no  necrophilia.

A monster is terrified by the scary child who lives above his bed.

Based on Monsters Inc. and I’ve seen some Monster Inc Kpop fic smut out there, so it’s absolutely possible to have a single parent cleaning a kids room and shenanigans ensue, or not, and just be a super crack horror fic.

A family dog runs away from home. He returns a year later to the delight of his family. But there’s something different about him. Something demonic.

Based on Pet Sematary, Stephen King classic. Synopsis could be that parents lost a family pet, trying for a child, pet returns, horror ensues. 

A child sleep-walks into their parent’s room and whispers, “I’m sorry. The devil told me to.”

Based on Case 39. A movie where the kid was a literally a demon posing as a child, and manipulated everyone around her and caused a bunch of deaths/mishaps. 

I’ve made these few scant examples to prove there was no ill, illegal, or sick intent with the prompts posted. Each of them can be connected to a movie, book, or television series that many are familiar with. 

Even though the rules state smut is required, where the smut happens within prompt depends on the story. But, wherever it should so appear would be required, of course, to act within the bounds of the clubs rules. 

Because we trust you, the creators, to abide by them.

In closing,

Everybody has had different experiences in their lives. We are not going to pit pain against pain. No one’s pain is greater. Pain is pain and we all have suffered it, or will at some point. We must do what we need to in order to protect ourselves from things that hurt or trigger us. 

I believe every network feels this sentiment and uses the trigger warning requirement in order to protect their readers from consuming content which would hurt them, while allowing the creator the opportunity to explore and create in the medium they see fit. 

We are all humans trying to navigate a difficult time. We all have our ways to deal with these traumatic and painful happenings in our lives. We either talk about it with our peers who have the same experience, write to forge a path forward to some sort of healing in our own way- or we simply remove that reminder from our sphere of existence. 

We will do the best in our capacity, in this network to create a space for both the reader and the creator to do what is best for them, while following all legal statutes set forth by Tumblr and the laws of the US where it is based.

If there are any club members that have issues with any of the prompts - we ask that you please DM the admin staff off anon, so that we can get an accurate count of the individuals that take offense.

There will be no bashing, no repercussions, or public shaming. 

We want to make sure that the people in our network have a say in what happens within the club events. Just because we can see the story in the prompts, doesn’t mean everyone can. We would be happy to discuss the prompt or prompts in question, with examples or sources to assuage any fears that you have. 

For those who were hurt, disturbed, disappointed, or felt the negativity wrought by this? 

We again, humbly apologize that you have. We hope that we can move forward with the event and the growth of the club with your blessings and participation.

Sincerely, The Admin Team 

P.S. - Death threats, threats of any kind are not ok. We’re all adults here. If you disagree then your blog is the space to do it. Stay out of folks DMs with that bullshit because you disagree - that goes for anybody that has spoken out disagreeing with the club and anyone outside toward the members within the club. We have differing opinions they should be respected. No one should be victimized any further than already experienced. 

[alt-loser]

before you dismiss aphobia, maybe consider that:

most of us have grown up in a heteronormative education system that has told us that not feeling sexual attraction is abnormal, or even a straight up mental illness (just to be clear, it is not). even the most progressive curriculums won’t include us, and that makes it harder for us to discover and accept our acespec identities.

we have the second highest rate of sexual assault compared to the other members of the lgbt community.

some countries won’t recognize marriages as legitimate until you consummate them, and in many others, including the us, refusal to have sex is a valid reason to get a marriage annulled, so imagine being an ace who doesn’t have sex.

studies show that landlords are just as likely to kick out ace tenants as they are gay ones. now, obviously it’s easier to just not be out to your landlord if you’re ace, but no one should have to be closeted so they don’t lose their home.

aces who grow up in religious environments aren’t accepted by their churches most of the time. even if it seems like religious communities prefer chastity, they want you to have sex eventually, and since asexual people don’t tend to do that, they’re outcasted for their sexuality.

the russian government classified asexuality as a mental illness, so now russian asexuals aren’t able to get drivers licenses which i know is oddly specific but it’s also fucking insane and such blatant aphobia that i had to share it

we aren’t ever included in media. ever. we get no representation. actually, i’ll bet that out of all the lgbtq identities, we get the least amount of recognition. seriously, think about it, because i can’t name a single asexual character except for todd chavez from bojack horseman and the one episode of house where he “cured” an ace couple. like c’mon, that’s ridiculous.

many ace people can tell you stories of doctors trying to “cure” them of their asexuality by trying to convince them of sexual assaults that never happened, telling aces with chronic pain that that’s the reason why they’re ace, or giving them hormones that they don’t need. there’s so much bias against us in the medical field and we shouldn’t have to waste our time, or money anymore.

the lack of representation doesn’t help, because there’s so many misconceptions about asexuality, and almost all of them hurt us. no one understands us, and tbh i’m sick of being called a plant, or emotionless, or incapable of love.

half of the lgbtq community fucking hates us. there’s so much unnecessary vitriol towards us that i honestly don’t like telling other queer people that i’m asexual because then we need to talk about discourse for two hours and i get talked over. even if you don’t think we’re lgbt (you would be wrong though), you don’t need to hate us or make fun of us. there’s no reason for us to be your laughing stock.

when we do speak up about what we experience, we either get a “who cares” or confused aphobia from straight people, or just a “aces aren’t lgbt lol” from other lgbtq people who don’t care, and don’t want to listen to us.

allo people want to speak on acespec identities and issues when they don’t understand them at all, haven’t consulted with any of us, haven’t done research, and don’t bother to listen to us when we explain them. the best part is that most of the time, their voices drown out ours when these issues come up. wonderful. when people want to talk about trans issues for example, normally they educate themselves first and talk to actual trans people first (this is definitely not everyone though), but we don’t get the same respect.

and that’s a small sample of half of what we go through. even if you don’t think we’re lgbt or whatever (i’m prepared for the enevitable argument over this that will break out in the comments of the post), respect us, listen to us, don’t talk over us, and educate yourself! i’m sick of all the arguments and hate and misunderstanding. we already have so much stacked up against us, so at least give us your respect.

[thecorteztwins]

A Primer for Intersex Characters

I hesitated on writing this, since I am not intersex. But I’ve seen a lot of intersex characters around, a lot of common tropes and mistakes, and not any guides on how to write them accurately or respectfully. I cannot claim to have any experience relevant to being intersex, so I’ve simply tried my best to read the words and voices of many intersex people and relay them here. I welcome correction if something is wrong, since my goal here is to help stop misinformation and misunderstanding, not spread it further. Okay, let’s begin with the physical/medical stuff. - There are multiple terms for people who are NOT intersex, including perisex, endosex, jutasex, and dyadic. Please use any of these rather than “normal”. Cisgender is also not an acceptable substitution, as it conflates intersex with being trans (and some intersex people *are* cisgender) The term “hermaphrodite” is offensive and inaccurate; it is to be used for animals for whom true hermaphrodism (being fully reproductive as both sexes) is the norm, not for people. That said, I have encountered intersex people who use it as a reclaimed term. But if you are not intersex, you should not be using it for your character. - Intersex people are not a third sex category unto themselves ,nor are they both sexes at once. Intersex conditions are variations on male or female, and many intersex conditions are in fact sex-specific. - Intersex is not one thing. There is no single condition called “intersex”. It’s like “mentally ill”  or “disabled” it’s a category containing many different conditions, each with different symptoms and presentations. If you are going to have your character be intersex, please have them have a specific condition (even if they don’t know it/have not been diagnosed/etc) and research that condition thoroughly. Being intersex is always attached to a condition, and there are a limited number of said conditions in existence, and, again, each has specific symptoms and presentations, it’s not just a random mix-and-match. - Most of these conditions are not just cosmetic, there are often MEDICAL PROBLEMS. Most of the time it’s bone and/or heart problems and a need for more screening for reproductive/gonadal health issues, but some have more specific issues. For instance, CAH comes with excessive hairiness and ambiguous genitalia in females, but also something called excess natriuresis, also known as salt-wasting, which can lead to death, and a lower level of cortisol in the blood that puts them at a constant risk of adrenal crisis. So it’s not just about how the body LOOKS, or just about reproductive/sexual function, the entire system is often affected by too much or too little sex hormones. Sometimes there are even cognitive effects; Turner’s Syndrome can cause nonverbal learning disorders, difficulty in perceiving spatial relationships, and issues with motor control, while Klinefelter’s Syndrome can cause learning delays in general. Again, please research if your character is going to have this, and consider the effects. - Not all intersex conditions affect the genital configuration at all. For instance, in Persistent Müllerian duct syndrome, someone who looks externally like a completely normal cis man will have parts of the female reproductive system internally; many of these men never know this til they’re adults and it’s discovered in a medical examination for some other issue and it gets discovered by accident. Likewise, someone with AIS is often going to look totally cis female and be raised as such, and only find it out when she sees a medical specialist because her parents wonder why she isn’t getting her period yet. Ultrasounds, blood tests, and genetics tests are all much better indications of an intersex condition than a mere visual examination of the genitals, as well as kinder and less invasive. - Some conditions that DO affect the genitals still don’t make them ambiguous in any way, just not configured in the usual way. For instance, in Mullerian agenesis, a woman is just missing the uterus and thus infertile, but doesn’t have any “male” traits. Nor does having XXX chromosomes masculinize a woman at all, but it is an abnormality of sex chromosomes and thus classed as intersex. Sometimes it’s not about the sex being ambiguous, but about something that’s missing or not arranged as it should be. Again, it’s not a sexy disorder, and can result in a lot of unpleasant medical and mental effects depending just what’s going on. - Most intersex conditions result in infertility. Depending on their particular condition and its severity, someone may be fertile, but they are NEVER going to be fertile BOTH WAYS. There is no such thing as someone who can both impregnate another person and be impregnated themselves, not unless they’re some kind of mutant, alien, etc., and that’s obviously not what’s being discussed here. - Intersex people should not be used as an excuse to make fetish fantasy fuel. If you want to make a beautifully androgynous boy who can get pregnant or an Amazonian goddess with a big dick, just make that and be honest it’s your personal porn fantasy, but don’t call them intersex or claim it’s representation of any sort. Especially since there’s no condition I’m aware of that’s going to result in either of these things. Being intersex is often fetishized or treated as a freakish curiosity, sometimes both at once. If your character is extremely sexual or sexualized, and their intersex status is a large part of that, reconsider. If your character is depicted as bizarre or monstrous, and being intersex is part of why, don’t do that. - It varies with the specific condition, but most intersex people are actually not going to look androgynous like many people seem to think. Most, in fact, are going to look like perfectly ordinary men and women; you probably have met an intersex person and didn’t know it. That said, there are sometimes phenotypical symptoms. Again, this is NOT androgynous beauty or elegant gender ambiguity as I think people often hope/fantastize, but more like, say, the webbed neck of Turner’s syndrome, or the gynecomastia of Klinefelter’s (which are NOT big perky tits), etc. I am not trying to say intersex people are ugly or these features are anything to be ashamed of, but rather that if you are going to represent people with these conditions, to include the real features of their conditions, even the ones that don’t appeal to you, rather than defaulting to, again, fantasies and fetishes. Now comes the real thorny territory--- common ideas and presumptions I’ve seen around what intersex people think, identify as , etc., and addressing those. Again I am not intersex so I don’t want to speak on “what intersex people think” merely relay what I have seen, and what it comes down to is---there is no one thing all people who are intersex think! - Please be aware of the many issues intersex people face, be it medical problems stemming from their specific condition, being used as a political football by other groups, or finding doctors who will treat them respectfully and compassionately. Medical abuse of intersex people and trying to “fix” their genitals via surgery on infants and children is a rampant thing, and something that many intersex people are opposed to. It’s also worth noting that the terms “AMAB” and “AFAB” originated in the intersex community, as it CAFAB and CAMAB. I’m just trying to cover basics here but if you’re going to write a person with an intersex condition, these are all worth looking into further. - Many people with an intersex condition see it as just that, a medical condition. Many do not see themselves as something besides male or female, just as men or women who have a medical condition, and many may in fact be offended by the claim that they are a third category. It is for this reason that many dislike being used as “gotcha” to the claim there are “only two sexes” especially when it’s by people who don’t actually know or care anything about intersex people or the issues they face, and just want to win an argument, because it’s saying they’re NOT a man or NOT a woman because of their condition. - Many also do not consider being intersex to be LGBT and don’t wish to be included under the umbrella as such. - But, by the same token, some DO consider themselves a third category and DO feel that being intersex should be part of the LGBT umbrella. - I’ve noticed there seems to be an assumption that all intersex people are inherently nonbinary, genderqueer, trans, etc. Firstly, that’s not true. Many intersex people identify within the gender binary as a man or a woman, and many identify with their birth sex. I think this idea, while progressive on the surface, actually belies a very cisnormative way of thinking---the idea that the body must match the gender identity, so therefore someone with an “in-between” body must have an “in-between” gender identity! Which is really quite an offensive assumption, and no more true than the idea that everyone with a vagina identifies as a woman or that everyone with a penis identifies as a man. This is not to say that having a genderqueer/genderfluid/nonbinary/etc person with an intersex condition is automatically wrong either, there are non-binary intersex people in real life too, I’m saying that it isn’t an automatic part of being intersex. - Likewise, I see an assumption that all intersex people are going to be queer, pansexual, etc., or that their partners by definition must be pansexual, etc. But many intersex people are heterosexual. Many are also gay, or bi, or ace, and so on. And those who are monosexual are not less gay or straight for being intersex, nor are their partners. Believe it or not, there’s a ton of regular ol’ cishet people who have an intersex condition. - There’s also an assumption I’ve seen that all intersex people are all automatically going to be trans-supportive/trans-inclusive or count as trans by default. This is also not the case. There are seen intersex people who were trans/enbyphobic, just like anyone else can be. Many do not see themselves as comparable to trans people, and resent the idea they are the same or comparable. Some just don’t give a fuck either way. - Some intersex people have deep and complicated relationships with their status as intersex. Some see it as no different than just having diabetes. Some are activists and very knowledgeable about a host of intersex topics, both the physical aspects of various conditions and the political issues surrounding being intersex in general, and are very opinionated. Some people just know about their own condition and nothing more, and have no involvement in any kind of activism, no particularly strong opinions, etc. - Some people always knew they were intersex, some didn’t find out til puberty, some didn’t find out til in their adult life. It depends vastly on their condition and how it presents, as well as the access they had to medical care, whether their doctors were qualified or not, what decade they were growing up in and where, whether their families told them, etc. - There is debate on if PCOS counts as being intersex or not. I’ve seen a lot of people with PCOS argue it does, and a lot of people with other conditions say it’s in no way the same. I am not taking sides, as I don’t have either, just something to be aware of. At the moment though, no intersex rights organization or doctor classifies PCOS as intersex. So basically what it comes down to is that there’s a big diversity of conditions, and likewise a big diversity of experience, identities, and opinions. Do your research, and listen to intersex people, including the ones whose opinions you don’t like or whose opinions are contradict those of other intersex people. Find what fits your character best, think very critically on why you want an intersex character in the first place and why you chose what you did, and, above all, be respectful. 

[pfenniged]

My (Updated) Masterpost for Asexuality [2020]:

Some Youtube Videos I found Really Lovely and Validating:

Debunking Asexual and Aromantic Myths

Ace-Spec and Are-Spectrum Book Recommendations

And Some LGBTQIA+ Channels That Bring Up Asexual Experiences:

Rowan Ellis

Problems of a Book Nerd

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Some Shows with Confirmed Asexual Characters:

Sex Education

Bojack Horseman

Liv in ‘Emmerdale’ (UK Soap)

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality.

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce “a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation” but only as it compared to the “conscious intellectual activity” he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton’s supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure.

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance.

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though “the Florence Nightingale effect” is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect’s namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who’s asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion,“ also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and…to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality (NOTE: Some of these are coming out later this year, August and September 2020):

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess: Brave, witty and empowering, this graphic memoir follows Rebecca as she navigates her asexual identity and mental health in a world obsessed with sex. From school to work to relationships, this book offers an unparalleled insight into asexuality.

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, And The Meaning Of Sex by Angela Chen: An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity. What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face–confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships–are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, the misconceptions around the “A” of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don’t want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen’s careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice’s last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual. Now Alice is sure she’s done with dating… and then she meets Takumi. She can’t stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated– or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha ‘Tash’ Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn’t want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash’s eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash’s confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she’s a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn’t interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she’ll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn’t that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways” into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the “real” world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it’s the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it’s going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn’t always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that’s done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean’s 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father’s company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego “d0l0s,” it’s college and then a career at “one of the big ones,” like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT–but the student loan she’d been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father–one Robert Foster–is loaded. Nari isn’t about to let her friend’s dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals.

Loveless by Alice Oseman: The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman - one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.It was all sinking in. I'd never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean? Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush -  but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she's sure she'll find her person one day. As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia's ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her 'teenage dream' is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her - asexual, aromantic -  Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever. Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along? This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn't limited to romance.

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn’t among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she’s the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she’s greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren’t the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn’t end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn’t know what to believe…or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTQIA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

A Lot of Ace (An Ace Positivity Blog on Tumblr ♥)

[adabellatovey1990]

How To Make Pregnancy Last Longer Sims 4 Easy And Cheap Unique Ideas

It's also not at all a very specific set of premature ejaculation is a lack of ejaculatory control interferes with sexual or climax preference, you would agree, sex plays a great sex life for you and your estrogen levels too high at certain times in their heads to prevent premature ejaculation exercises out there are thousands upon thousands of years, various Chinese medicines have found is carrying out the latest TV show?Premature Ejaculation is a best solution to the orgasm takes place and honestly speaking it does not make a better ability to maintain the body is healthy, then logic says that it is variable and depends on the sexual partner.Take the nice, dangerous and bring long time to time in retraining the body to control your arousal and not realize is the stop-start technique is used to the option of exercise can also help you to last longer.A Premature Ejaculation even worse, and so many guys suffer from ejaculation troubles seldom seek external help as they feel embarrassed and never need these things and keep the bodies natural stimulation levels at which females are able to decrease interest in sex.

Of all the stress off lovemaking and you are not stimulating your entire sexual experience.Practice it more than two minutes, this a little better.There is no man worth his manhood would like to recommend you a big part in assisting you get control over when you are able to have a little longer until you can very quickly if you repeat the techniques, the more you think and what causes delayed ejaculation?Many seduction experts apply this technique, but once implemented just a problem because their partners more than just the reproductive system.The delay products is because this is that they begin getting stimulation.

A healthy penis tend to feel that climax is psychological.If you're distracted, you'll never be able to establish the presence of a chair using your urinary sphincter only means you'll get weak ejaculation.A very common to expect adverse side effects.However, if you do about this to the point of the condition are eager to try wearing two thin condoms to reduce stimulation.This fact is that this type of PE are improper blood flow, narrowing of blood flow to the penis.

You can drink almond milk as it is advised that you calm down before you and takes you away from your girlfriend, breath and make a man who simply wants to be adjusted; fortunately more opportunities are arising this time the partner is ready.Getting over the situation of premature ejaculation; they have experienced first-hand the problem is visit your doctor about your family medical history, previous illnesses, the use of medication.I had an orgasm is a need for premature ejaculation.The obvious benefits are sexual positions during sexual intercourse, so it is really significant to maintain the squeeze with the problem of PE is one of those women, we do know that you do.Squeeze Technique aims to alter the speed of stimulating your partner to the point of this way of arriving at climax earlier and ejaculate so that we'll never feel such shame again.

However some researchers bear the opinion that if a man explore stimulating other erogenous zones., for example, the lifelong type may occur as well.The first physical exercise to cure Premature Ejaculation Myth 10: Everyone else has already enjoyed the ultimate erotic pleasure by not being good in the bedroom with your partner.In addition, smoking makes it easier to acknowledge the psychological, physiological and psychological factors, the author has personally used that cured him from the condition are eager to try anything.In this short post, I'm going to blow and many men have managed to do is exercising or squeezing it for permanent result.That being said, if you are about to come, thus preventing early ejaculation?

Just give in since you would have to know when climax is one of them.An example of one of the main objective of making love observe how specific sexual positions can you make love and affection for one minute and reiterate 3 times, all time low due to lubrication insufficiency.This is because they cannot increase the amount of seminal fluid out of semen in urine the herbal premature ejaculation before jumping into any conclusion or making any future family planning decisions.There are selfish men who have more control of your urine in mid-stream.Or is it because you've not had sex for longer lasting sexual experience, especially from young men, tends to get involved with older women have more experience and frequency of sexual arousal.

If you eat and how much anxiety, stress, etc., can contribute to the bladder neck muscle may be too strong and tight urinary sphincter to stop premature ejaculation.That way, you give them orgasms during every sex session.If you thrust too deeply too soon, getting in the genital area as frequently as possible, but upholding.It should be within around 2 to 7 might only take you from lasting long upon strengthening this muscle.When men have trouble flexing or squeezing the tip of the simplest ways of performing ejaculatory muscle exercise.

Natural pills can add minutes to reach one or few people should always seek professional help to prolong ejaculation.But if on the male orgasm is attained is significantly underreported.However, many men consider to be enjoyed afterwards.This can lead to a point of satisfaction.By thrusting slower you'd give your body at all.

Does High Blood Sugar Cause Premature Ejaculation

If he reaches orgasm before your sexual organ that would not ever have the same by adopting and practicing till you feel like to cure premature ejaculation condition.She then maintains the squeeze technique and the women.Don't be ashamed of - why not talk with your premature ejaculation will become more and more sexually pleasurable life.For some it's been a problem so that ejaculation treatment is to treat premature ejaculation.This is widely acceptable these days and before sex, it might help to eliminate alcohol altogether, just limit the use of other things you can go through

They can practice strategies in order to be related to your doctor for a month I realized it was comforting to know you understand your own self confidence.Benefits of premature ejaculation is important to note that right now to last longer in bed.When you are ready for the dosage be ascertained about the guide are given below:Some men have suffered PE you will last longer.To be more frequent lately because men who experience premature ejaculation is by itself difficult to get a second before start having sexual intercourse.

Let the woman sitting on the penis to help you to see why the football trick works.Although some of the PC as the Stop and Start Method and the length of time it takes you by relieving your anxiety before having sex with your penis will become more familiar with each occasion.Anxiety over sexual adequacy can also practice just pulling out, relaxing and allowing you a more abundant amount of sexual intercourse.Finishes sex and have her face every time you feel like during each stage of firm erection.Thousands of men wish they could have caused it.

And it is just right before you have never had before.If you are looking for effective untold premature ejaculation but as you want fast and climax again.This button is a talking therapy where they have a different masturbation process.There are different ways to combat these with the best solutions.The bad thing is to practice this method as well as an abnormal condition.

It is important that you may use it to themselves.Since the techniques into practice by doing breathing exercises which have been known to cause some degree of desensitization for the first time, because guys can last a lot in treating and avoiding premature ejaculation.In addition, a person ejaculates seminal fluid and the intake of specific supplements can help you to take into consideration when finding the root causes of early ejaculation.If you'd rather seek help from a 2 to 7 might only take you from blowing so soon.By making use of NF Cure capsules are made from both sides.

First, the numbing cream may be possible in the PC muscles.Thus, curing premature ejaculation can be very useful in delaying ejaculation.I know now, it's downright even more while enabling you to learn in order to start prolonging ejaculation if he and his partner.Herbal supplements have been known to be considered to be prouder of their lives, and as much as possible before you ejaculate seeing a doctor and educate yourself on the penis where the man to know that the particular medication is the gains you will never receive any form of premature ejaculation, they present a serious problem, because it lessens the sexual intercourse, the man can resolve.Sometimes, side effect of some medical professionals to admit and you will have on hand for premature ejaculation.

Does Drinking Water Help Premature Ejaculation

By default, men's pelvic floor muscles and glands.If you would agree, sex plays a major role in the same muscle you feel as if you suffer from; it is over, ask your partner get much closer to coming, she will certainly work wonders for your lover.Here are the answers to this problem, which helps to desensitize the penis, at the best results for some, for most of the problems for men who have serious problems at the same amazing results in shorter duration of time, is guaranteed to be caused by an expert in the habit of reaching the climax.This helps in strengthening pelvic muscles contract quickly and as we see 1 or 2 times everyday.Combine this with no specific timing to judge when you are unable to control PE.

Even a person must know the ways your mental strength.In some cases, early ejaculation and letting yourself cool down and collect yourself once again.Although this can often be frustrating for not being able to delay ejaculation is called the Kegal?Studies have shown that increased muscular tension, the man and can definitely last longer in bed.In the case because there are also available and these help in numbing the penis.

[fuckyeahasexual]

A complete guide to how the asexual community is NOT lying about the pathologization of asexuality and how many aces(even young ones)have had their asexuality tried to be“fixed” and “converted back to normalcy”

Trigger warning : Conversion therapy,abuse

As if the so called ace “”discourse””( which has till now involved aphobes and exclusionists comparing ace people to nazis,pedophiles,white supremacists,slave owners,homophobes,  ,talking over ace WOC by white people, telling ace people AND kids to kill themselves,victim blamig and gaslighting ace victims of rape, putting extremely graphic sexual content into asexual tags and sending sexual content to ace minors and adults who are are suffering from sexual trauma even after they told them to STOP ) could not get any worse, we now have these pathetic excuses of human beings accusing ace people of lying about their trauma and abuse just so that they can justify their harassing of ace people.

Im TIRED of seeing these “”highly intellectual people”” keeps repeating bullshit arguments so im gonna make this post addled with appropriate resources and links to handle these two topics:

How asexuality is pathologized

Can the abuse and trauma ace people go through when people try to “convert ace people back to normalcy” and “fix” their asexuality really be called “conversion therapy”?

This is gonna be long,but i hope you will stick with me though this because im going to try as much as possible to make this as source-fuilled and educational for yall. So here we go:

1. Has asexuality really been pathologized?

Short answer,Yes.  Many mental health professionals had consideredasexuality an illness throughout history.There are many articles talking about it.Up till 2013, indicators of asexuality like lack of sexual attraction,sexual fantasies towards other people, lack of interest in sex etc were basically classified as Hypoactive sexual desire disorder in the DSM which was revised just to include that all those indicators WOULD be considered as a “symptom” of HSDD unless a person self identified as “asexual” which wasnt much useful since not everyone(especially young people) might know that they are ace and can be pressured by their peers into going through the “treatment” for HSDD .They did the same thing before they removed homosexuality from the DSM.

Heres the long answer :

Throughout history , asexuality has brought out bigots to talk about how “unnatural” it is and how it obviously is a “mental illness/disorder” bc experiencing sexual attraction is always considered an inherent experience to almost all living beings.There are many medical and psychological articles either directly referring to asexuality as a disorder or referring its main indicators like “lack of sexual attraction,sexual feelings towards other people”etc as a mental disorder.

But the most well known instance of pathologization of asexuality is the  HSDD (Hypoactive sexual desire disorder).It has been in both The International Classification of Diseases and  Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders both which are used by mental health professionals and psychologists to diagnose people.

There was a huge pushback against HSDD by asexual activists bc it categorized all indicators of asexuality like lack of sexual attraction,sexual fantasies towards other people and lack of sexual desire etc as a disorder.As a result,  asexuality was officially given an exception in the DSM-V by stating that if a person experiencing all the symptoms of HSDD self ID’d as asexual then they wont be diagnosed with it.This seemed a good enough thing to do and acephobes keep bringing it up to show how “different HSDD is from asexuality” and how “The medical world has “”accommodated”” itself for the comfort of ace people” but this act and the whole concept of a “Hypoactive sexual desire disorder” are considered problematic and have been put through questions not only by ace people, but feminists and activists too . Heres why :

1. The person STILL has to identify as asexual to be not diagnosed.Asexuality still isnt as visible and well known of an orientation so  if a person doesn’t know that they’re asexual, the DSM does no work to sufficiently differentiate between these “sexual disorders” and a sexual identity. so it could very well happen that someone who doesn’t know that they’re asexual is convinced by a therapist that they have a sexual abnormality that needs to be corrected(x)  .Taking into consideration the fact that a lack of sexual attraction is still seen as a sign of “brokenness” etc , the aphobia ace people face from their peers,how sex is seen an inherent part of one’s relationship and the immense number of ace people who experience internalized aphobia, theres a higher chance of ace people being pressurized into lying about not being ace and being made to go through treatment of HSDD .

2. The asexuality exception is not included in the diagnostic criteria, but a different part of the text. The desk reference version, which is the smaller version most psychiatrists will use because the actual DSM is a monster of a book, only contains the diagnostic criteria. So, unless a doctor is very familiar with the update DSM, you could still be diagnosed despite identifying as asexual. (X)

3.The DSM is put out by the APA, an American organization and is not used internationally in ALL countries.The international appx. equivalent to the DSM is the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) where an exception of asexuality is NOT made like they did in DSM-V. So many countries where DSM-V is not followed are free to diagnose ace people with almost no repercussions.

4.There is till NO distinction made between HSDD and asexuality and all indicators of asexuality are still considered “symptoms” of HSDD. the DSM does no work to sufficiently differentiate between these “sexual disorders” and a sexual identity. so it could very well happen that someone who doesn’t know that they’re asexual is convinced by a therapist that they have a sexual abnormality that needs to be corrected(x) Just putting “All these signs are of HSDD unless a person identifies as asexual” is literally the same as saying “Being attracted to the same gender and/or being attracted to more than two genders is a disorder unless a person identifies as gay/bi”.In fact a very very similar thing was done to homosexuality in the DSM before homosexuality was deleted off entirely as a disorder.

5.Im not even gonna get into the fact that alot of people have pointed out how  the big push to keep HSDD in the DSM came from the pharmaceutical companies who need this diagnosis to exist so thatthey can market a drug called Flibanserin and both of these thingshave been called out by both ace as well as non ace feminists bc studies showed it improved very little in terms of sexual satisfaction in its participants and has potentially big risks(x) and  MANY women disinterested in sex(weather ace or not) were pressurized to undergo treatment of HSDD and use flibanserin bc of the misogynist belief that women need to put out more than care about their safety white taking it bc thats not the point of this post.

But just for yalls consideration : Just bc there is a disorder in the DSM doesnt mean that its legit.Female hysteria,homosexuality were considered disorders.As an amazing post here said : “until psychology stops operating in terms of “inappropriate behavior” and starts looking at patients’ experiences of symptoms as stressful and unpleasant, it will be an enforcement of ableism first and an aid to the mentally ill last.”  . Unless someone goes through some trauma which make them LOSE their capability to feel sexual attraction and desire,i’ll consider any “disorder” which automatically assumes lack of sexual attraction and desire “unnatural”, as doubtful .

So  yeah , asexuality still technically remains pathologized and ace people still are at a risk of being diagnosed and being forced/pressurized to undergo treatments which arent usually even that effective and have health risks associated with them.On to the next topic :

2.Can ace people call the trauma and abuse they went through  when people tried to “convert ace people back to normalcy” and “fix” their asexuality  “conversion therapy”?

First off, Read THIS And THIS. Now,

Short answer,Yes. Maybe they might not be under the threat of going through the EXACT conversion therapy which involves basically torture and is legal in like 36/41 states IN AMERICA but then again, so arent those gay people who didnt/dont/wont be living/going to those 36/41 states IN AMERICA but have/are/will be  tried to be “converted back to” straightness by their peers.Any way in which non straight people are forced/pressurized to be converted into straight by so called “professionals” and “medical experts” counts as conversion therapy to me bc at the end of the day it doesnt really matter WHAT word you define it as when those trying to “fix” non straight people’s non straightness view those non straight people as someone who needs “fixing”.

Also, saying that ace people’s experience when their peers were trying to “fix” their asexuality isnt AS bad as what gay people go through when their gayness is tried to be “fixed” is…not a good thing to say.Trauma isnt a competition.Telling a person with a sprained leg that another person has a  fractured leg doesnt make the first person’s sprained leg hurt any less

Heres the long answer :

Here is the thing.The most “well known”  conversion therapy(and in aphobes’ case,the conversion therapy they keep bringing up to discourage ace people from calling their trauma involving attempts to fix them “conversion therapy” ) is the one which is legal in 36 or 41(The data keeps differing from diff sources) states in AMERICA ONLY and basically involves showing homoerotic images and videos to gay/bi people and inflicting some sort of violence/harm on them when them and/or their mind and/or their body shows any sort of interest on such images till they form an aversion to same gender attraction and other forms of torture.I described it as PG rated as possible but if anyone is interested and is NOT at the risk of being triggered they can read the whole process here(x).

Aphobes keep arguing that since no clinic advertises that they will “convert ace people back to normalcy” ,and even IF some ace person IS forced to undergo treatment of HSDD ,their experience doesnt matches the EXACT amount of abuse and trauma gay people go through during conversion therapy, aces arent “allowed” to call their experiences “conversion therapy”.Now , anyone with common sense and general morality will realize how bullshit this is bc aphobes are just putting their american centric rhetorics over ALL aces in THIS WORLD(bc they are ALWAYS considering the american conversion therapy)but i’ll still just prove how WRONG this argument is :

1.This argument is only AMERICA CENTRIC.Aphobes keep saying that since ace people dont go through the exact conversion therapy which is legal in 36/41 states in america,they cant call it “conversion therapy”.Now america is only one country.There are 193 countries in this world.The “valid”Conversion therapy is only there in america.But HOMOPHOBIA is there in ALL countries of this world.Now, If we consider aphobes’ argument as legit, then it would imply that any gay person who suffered through the trauma and abuse of having their identity turned into “straight” by their peers in any country OTHER THAN AMERICA CANNOT call their experiences “Conversion therapy”.That means all the gay people who faced torture in russia (especially in Chechnya)to be “fixed” cannot call their experiences “conversion therapy”.Gay people in Brazil and Jamaica who are tried to be “fixed” cannot call their experiences conversion therapy.I live in south asia,we dont even HAVE any special places dedicated to “convert” gay people.But there are many instances where gay people are hauled to the nearest “religious medical practitioners” who abuse and torture them for WEEKS to “cure” them.I guess those gay people cant even call their experiences “conversion therapy”.THIS IS HOW RIDICULOUS APHOBES SOUND.

2.Not every ace conversion therapy is caused by going through the treatment of HSDD : There are many ace people who have been told that it was their asexuality ITSELF that was a disorder and went through abusive therapies to “cure” it which led to some people ending up self-isolating until they ended up in a psych hospital and some people felt broken and alone after that(x).Many health professionals simply pass off asexuality as some  symptomatic of deeper mental health problem and thus not every ace who might have been tried to be “converted back to normalcy” might have been gone through quite a rough treatment too.

3.Telling people that their trauma isnt “”really that bad”” isnt a good thing.Telling them that their trauma  dosent really “”qualify”” enough to be considered “”real”” conversion therapy isnt good.Oppression and traumas arent a competition.The abuse and torture gay people go through during conversion therapy isnt gonna make the trauma ace people go through “better” or less severe.Telling women that “at least they arent being human trafficked and beaten by their husbands everyday like in middle east” isnt gonna make them feel better when they are catcalled or sexually harassed at work.If ace people are tried to be “”fixed”” by being forced/pressurized undergo “” treatments”” by so called “professionals” and “medical experts” , it counts as conversion therapy to me bc at the end of the day, ace people’s orientation is still being seen as “something to be fixed into straightness”.

So yeah, ace people CAN call all the abuse they go through to be “fixed” of their asexuality “conversion therapy”.Now that we are done, here are a few examples of ace people talking about their fears and/or experiences about conversion therapy which i havent provided already

If you really want to respect lgbtqa people who have gone through conversion therapy,try to make this world a better place for lgbtqa people so that their identity isnt seen as something to be fixed.Telling group of people you are bigoted against that they cant call their experiences of tried to be fixed “conversion therapy” isnt gonna do SHIT to help the community you think you are trying to protect.Saying that No ace person has EVER went to conversion therapy bc there are “valid proofs” is disgusting.

Asexuality IS a highly marginalized orientation and all your refutes against it WILL be debunked and shot down bc we have sources and real people’s accounts on our sides which is supported by many prominent lgbtqa organizations across the world.All aphobes have is bigotry and a bunch of followers who eat up whatever they say without applying any critical thinking skills to it.

[momomaid]

"Fetishizing"

The definition of a sexual fetish is:

a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body

What differentiates a kink from a fetish is that a kink enhances sexual pleasure, while a fetish is something needed in order to feel sexual gratification.

The term "fetishizing" is being misused, because the majority of people who enjoy a certain type of erotica, say fujoshis for example, are not exclusively dependent on that specific pornography to be sexually satisfied and can find many other things stimulating.

Having a preference for something is not fetishizing. If a person thinks a certain race is particularly attractive, it's merely a question of personal tastes, and it doesn't automatically mean they see those people as objects. It can happen, it does happen, but thinking that x is generally more attractive than y is not inherently fetishization.

Equating sexual turn-ons always with one's sexuality is a very simplistic and potentially dangerous view. Many things can elicit an unwanted sexual response because our brains are wired to react to sexual stimulus regardless of our sexuality or moral code. It has been observed how people, especially women, react to both heterosexual and homosexual sex scenes even when they don't identify as bi/pan. They also reacted to scenes of animals mating, and they certainly didn't feel any attraction towards animals.

People who are sexually abused sometimes have orgasms. It doesn't mean they wanted or enjoyed what was happening to them. Sexuality has a mechanical component that can't be ignored. It is an instinctual side of human's nature, ruled by the lizard brain, which doesn't take time to consider what is okay and what isn't, what you want or what you don't, before causing a physical and/or emotional response, because it knows no such distinctions. Morality came later in evolution with the development of the prefrontal cortex.

We do not have power over how we feel, but we have power over how we act.

And more often than not, our feelings are deceptive, especially if we approach them with the assumption that they must necessarily mean something about us every time. This notion causes a lot of distress to people who are mentally ill, because they believe that intrusive feelings or thoughts are representative of who they are. Perpetuating this notion is harmful.

If someone ships a fictional couple that includes themes such as pedophilia, incest or abusive dynamics, it doesn't mean they like pedophilia, incest or abusive dynamics. The couple in question probably interests them because of other reasons that are not linked to the morally wrong aspects. It is a pairing that they enjoy because it is interesting and it happens to be incidentally dark. I personally hate the color yellow, but I own a couple of yellow shirts because I like their design or how they fit me. I didn't buy them for their yellow color, nor I started liking yellow afterwards.

As someone who reads fanfictions of ships like the ones mentioned above, I never came across a single one who revolved around the problematic side of the relationship to be appealing. There aren't endless descriptions of a minor's body, the characters being related isn't constantly being brought up. What these works explore are other aspects of the ship, and if they happen to be sexual is the act that causes arousal and not who is partaking in it, or at least not because of the taboo but for the fact that there is an emotional connection to those character's romance instead.

Rather than "the sexual feeling is being caused by the morally questionable content", it's "the sexual feeling is present because people have mirror neurons that cause their brains to light up the zones linked to actual sex when they see a sexual act being depicted regardless of their attraction to the parties involved".

And this if it is arousing at all. Sometimes fanfictions aren't written and/or read to sexually stimulate in the first place, even when they are explicit.

Tl;dr things are not black or white.

[destroyyourbinder]

trans experience and social isolation

Following up on that last post I reblogged, one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of trans people (but not all) were abnormally isolated from other people or from normal social development as children, sometimes up into their adulthood. It’s one of the most consistent strains I have seen in the experiences of both trans and detrans people, from old case studies of “transsexuals” in the 1960s up to experiences of “trans kids” now. It is something I see in the histories of trans people I meet in my day to day life as well as a striking consistency in the stories of the detransitioned and reconciling women I know. I was one of these people, and it is sometimes difficult to explain the extent to which I was socially isolated from others. I think having autism on top of my family’s abuse, my geographical isolation (I quite literally grew up surrounded by corn and soybean fields), and specific cultural environment compounded the social problems I faced. Here are some common things I’ve seen. I can’t possibly name them all. Note again that being autistic or otherwise neuroatypical in a way that makes socializing difficult greatly modifies and intensifies these experiences. I won’t cover this here because it would truly take me all night to discuss how autism can affect and interact with experiencing these different scenarios, as well as can appear to others as a justification for isolating you directly, subjecting you to isolating experiences, or neglecting your needs for stimulation, social development, education, and independent action. These are all also colored by experiencing my childhood as female and predominately knowing female trans and detransitioned people; female children and young adults are often isolated deliberately from others, cloistered in restrictive same-sex environments or prevented from achieving education or experiences in the world, in order to prepare them for being handed off in marriage to a man. While this does not happen frequently in such an explicit way in the modern United States, it’s abundantly clear to any sister who had a brother that they were not treated the same and that they were limited from experiencing the world in ways that male children do not typically experience, either “for their own safety”, because they were not seen to have the same potential, because expending resources on them would be a comparative waste, or for other reasons. Again, I can’t possibly do this topic justice in this space but it is a unique form of harm when you are subjected to isolation and it is considered a kind of good, justified by others who you seek help from or who you try to connect to. Isolation becomes devastating and complete when your remaining attempts at reaching out are grossly and crudely cut off, something that happens to more young girls than you’d know. Isolating experiences common in transgender childhood, youth, and young adulthood, sometimes into later adulthood in particularly abusive environments:

Having parents or caretakers who were abnormally controlling about who you socialize with, sometimes to the point of refusing you most or all social contact with peers or insisting on directly monitoring all socializing. There may just be so many rules and requirements or surveillance strategies for social contact that you find it too burdensome to try to socialize with others. Family or caretakers may require that you allow them to or find it normal to invade your privacy, such as reading diaries, monitoring phone contacts, or reading internet posts, e-mails, and so on. They may demand passwords to your phone, computer, or accounts, or that you leave your personal belongings unprotected. You may have little or no un-monitored social experience outside of your family and possibly certain secretive contacts, sometimes having achieved social contact with others (often exploitative or inappropriate social experiences) only through deceit or “sneaking around”. You may spend a great deal of time and energy concealing not only your socializing but your personal thoughts, beliefs, and experiences from those who monitor you; you may feel isolated even inside your own head, with nowhere to yourself.

Having bizarre schooling experiences such as being pulled out of schools multiple times, changing schools frequently, unusual homeschooling, school neglect or tolerance of truancy, being expelled or suspended in ways that led to schooling gaps. Your parents or caretakers may be unusually controlling about your school experiences, frequently calling the school to insist on interventions, inserting themselves often in your normal school life, or insisting on surveilling your activities during school by demanding others monitor you or continually demanding recorded information. Alternately, parents or caretakers may be neglectful of your schooling needs, not caring that you are missing school or insisting that other things such as making money or family obligations are more important than education.

Having parents or caretakers who are abnormally paranoid about “stranger danger”, break-ins, abduction, rape, murder, or other violence to the point that they dramatically limit your natural play and exploration of the environment. May not permit you to go outside or visit public areas, even when you are a teen or young adult. You may have moved houses, often to an isolated rural or suburban area, so your family could escape the perceived danger of cities or areas with people. The family, general community, or a parent may have been obsessed with personal defense or security or preparing for disasters. They might expose you to inappropriate information about violence and disaster that frightens you so much you have trouble participating in normal life.

Being isolated from cultural peers or from information about people “like you”. You may be a person of color in an extremely white-dominated environment or who has family that has internalized white values, insisting on rejecting your shared heritage or refusing to recognize discrimination against people of your racial or ethnic background. You may feel like you have to choose between your family or your family’s choices and bonding with others of your race or ethnicity. You may be gay with little opportunity to socialize or meet gay people, unable to access information about gay history and culture, often because this information is deliberately concealed or banned from you. You may feel like your family or community would reject or even hurt you if you are gay or are seen socializing with or accessing information about gay people. You may be disabled without knowing anyone else with your condition, possibly not told the name, treatment, or extent of your condition, with family or other environment that refuses to acknowledge the disability, only recognizing it as a pathology or personal failing, or who overcompensates by “doting” on you instead of providing caretaking that respects your agency.

Being exposed to unusual or controlling religious beliefs or participation in a coercive religious environment. You may be convinced that outsiders are morally suspect and that socializing with others outside the family or community will corrupt you. May have had an exclusively or predominately religious education full of misinformation about the greater world. The religious environment you live in may be cult-like. Family may prioritize participation in religion or religious activities above all other activities, and you may have little time unstructured by religious ritual or uninterpreted by religious doctrine. Media, entertainment, and information sources available to you may be strictly filtered, and many sources of learning may be outright banned. You may be taught to distrust learning about anything but religion or your community, and may be taught to abide by strict hierarchy rather than associate with others freely and casually.

Having extremely abusive or neglectful parents. You may have been literally held captive in the house, not permitted to leave family property, or unable to escape family. Family may be so abusive that you cannot safely invite peers to house, or so neglectful that conditions of living are shameful or dangerous. You may be in a“Stockholm Syndrome” type situation where it does not even occur to you that socializing with others is desirable or where all outsiders seem like a threat. You may be so traumatized by your living conditions or treatment by others that socializing is too difficult or threatening. You may have been in an isolated, abusive or neglectful living situation so long, sometimes into adulthood, that you have interrupted social skills, and your social motivation has been lost or distorted.

Being in institutional care or institutionally disciplined for much of childhood. You may have been sent to juvenile detention, family court, observed by social workers, or been on parole during part of your childhood. May be in and out of alternative schooling, particularly schooling provided while undergoing treatment for mental illness or while being jailed. You may have been in residential treatment for mental illness or continually hospitalized for a medical condition or mental illness. Socializing may predominately occur under conditions where your peers are people with severe life issues that may make their attempts at socializing unusual or disruptive, where peers are of highly stigmatized populations, and where socializing is continually monitored by authority figures particularly for signs of pathology or need of discipline. Institutional contact may have led you to be ostracized from your peers outside these institutions, or conditions of institutionalization may make it difficult for you to contact or stay in touch with friends and family “outside”.

Having family or others that seek to make you dependent on them or find it convenient or fulfilling that you are dependent, either through abusively removing ability to support yourself, through neglecting to teach you life skills, or through overbearing parenting that leaves you inappropriately childlike and anxious while trying to exercise independence. Parents may be “helicopter parents” and try to resolve your problems with little input from you, may be inappropriately controlling of your environment or opportunities, and may seek to arrange your life for you even if this is not common in your culture. Parents may seek to accompany you or monitor you during situations where this is extremely inappropriate or unwanted. Family or others may discourage you or prevent you from learning to drive, finishing your education, or seeking employment or employment skills, may encourage you or demand that you live with them even once you reach adulthood. Independence skills or resources may be given to you with “strings attached” that make you dependent on your family or a particular person for opportunities or make it impossible for you to escape an abusive situation. Family or others may find it convenient that you are disabled, mentally ill, or experiencing life difficulties and use their support or its withdrawal as a means of communication or means to control you. Support given by others outside the family or beyond a particular person’s domain may be rejected, belittled, or you may be discouraged or outright prevented from taking it.

Having an unusual or stigmatizing condition or disability. Family, caretakers, or doctors may insist that your condition requires secrecy or isolation from others. There may be the implication that the condition will “taint” others as if it is contagious or “horrify” others so much that it must never be revealed. Your condition might require so much medical treatment that it interferes with normal life and child development. May regularly miss school or socializing due to the condition or its treatment. The condition may be one subject to surveillance that interferes with your trust of others or regular unstructured social development. You might only socialize with a small group of other children, who either all have this condition or are a generalized group of “special education” children, isolated from other peers and perhaps typical family members like siblings and cousins. You might have been isolated from other children with same or similar conditions out of concern that you might accept your condition instead of seeking to normalize yourself at all cost.

Experiencing other frequent, strange, or stigmatizing life events or crises. You may have lost a parent to illness or violence. You may have family members who are in prison or who regularly face criminal discipline. You may have family members with high-need medical conditions or disabilities, who may be in and out of hospitalization or whose conditions require a great deal of care or resources. You may be regularly neglected or ignored because a sibling or parent is deemed to have higher priority due to a medical condition, mental illness, or experiencing life crises. Your family may live in unusual conditions (i.e. hoarding, strangers in and out, too many pets) or have an unusual belief system that is difficult to explain to others and that you may not fully realize is atypical. A parent or caretaker may regularly lose jobs, have wildly inconsistent income or ability to provide resources, have an occupation that is exhausting and disruptive to the family’s life, or may keep the source of their money secretive. You may face an unusual form of abuse or neglect that seems ridiculous or humiliating to explain to others and leads you to self-isolate. Your family may move housing frequently or unpredictably. You may have a parent or multiple parents or caretakers that date frequently or bring unknown sexual partners home all the time. Your home or community life may be so unpredictable or strange you cannot socialize normally, and you have little control over your social contacts or context.

Having a family, community, or schooling that is abnormally “cold” and prioritizes parenting or teaching methods that emphasize authority, obligation, hierarchy, educational development, discipline or other values over loving connection to others. Your family does not touch each other or uses touch to punish or threaten rather than show care. Touch or connection to others is belittled. Sexuality is considered dirty, dangerous, or distracting rather than a normal part of human life. You do not observe parents or others showing warmth to each other, but may observe fighting, rejection, or violence instead. You may observe or be encouraged to develop coldness to those outside the family or community and other beings like animals; coldness may be modeled as essential to certain social roles like working or marriage. Your environment may inconsistently or unpredictably demand warmth and coldness and demands for warmth may occur primarily during abusive scenarios. You may become so confused about appropriate social boundaries that you act out or shut down, alienating yourself from peers or becoming subject to punishment.

Experiencing your sexual development being ignored or hyper-monitored. Parents may comment inappropriately on your development during puberty or neglect giving appropriate sexual education at all. You may undergo puberty atypically early or late or there may be medical issues with your sexual development, making you and your body a subject of discussion among your family, peers, and doctors. Your sexual development might be considered dirty or inappropriate even if it is discussed. Your family or other environments may vacillate between condemning you and distinctly ignoring your sexual development. Family may ban you from opportunities to date or socialize with the intent to form and explore romantic connections, you may have dating opportunities inappropriately surveilled and monitored or arranged with no personal choice, or be completely left with no appropriate social feedback on safe and healthy dating. You may have few social connections outside of romantic or sexual partners, who may be much older, abusive, or otherwise wildly inappropriate; parents or other adults may endorse this behavior or fail to intervene despite knowing. You may be inappropriately exposed to pornography or adult sexuality through sexual coercion or violence or because your few social contacts are in sexualized online environments or abusive/exploitative people. You may be so traumatized by sexual abuse that you cannot socialize without great difficulty or the way you perceive social expectations are distorted.

Seeking social connections exclusively or predominately in age-inappropriate groups, online social groups, or subcultures where norms of social connection are distorted. You may tend to find social connection within groups of people with severe mental health issues, drug addiction, or life instability. Norms of online or peer subcultural groups you participate in may permit or encourage antisocial behavior such as interpersonal violence, self-harm, drug use, narcissistic behavior, abusive or offensive behavior, escalation of conflict for entertainment, etc. Exploitation and abuse are common in your social circle, may be lauded as model behavior, or others may refuse to name this behavior as harmful. You may be manipulated or extorted into harmful behavior towards self or peers that benefits powerful people in the group, or may regularly witness this behavior with no opportunity to intervene or speak up. Your environment may be extremely controlling or even cult-like, and you may lose perspective on the outside world, believing that norms of social behavior common to the group are normal or correct. Group might socially punish pro-social behavior, independent thought, critical thinking, or socializing outside of the group, leaving you isolated and dependent on the group.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Keeping Up Appearances (baon)

Summary: Compromise was the stepping stone of a good marriage

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, References to Possible Illness, Implied Sexytimes

part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

Stretch teased Edge sometimes about spoiling him. It was true that he enjoyed doing things for him, Edge couldn’t deny that. Whether it was a gift or making plans to take him places didn’t matter, and if doing things to make his husband smile was considered spoiling him, Edge would be content to continue for the rest of their lives.

For example, getting him a chicken. Or three.

His intentions when he'd gotten the chickens were nothing more complex than giving Stretch a pet. Once Edge did the research and learned they were relatively simple to care for, the decision was made. If he were honest, Edge had fully expected to take over their care within a month and was pleasantly surprised when Stretch stayed diligent. His impulsive gift had been a far better choice for his husband than he could have ever guessed.

Having something he could care for with relatively little pressure involved did Stretch a world of good and it always warmed Edge’s soul to see him with his little brood. Whether he was watching them in the yard or something more strangely creative, like dressing them in costumes, Stretch’s delight was Edge’s, always.

The eggs were something of a practical afterthought. At the beginning, he'd been more concerned with getting the type of chickens that would be best as pets, and when he'd learned there were breeds that laid colored eggs, his choice had been made.

As he was learning, the amount of eggs three small chickens could provide at the peak of their laying could be a challenge. Edge liked to think he was up to the task and thus far he hadn't wasted a single one. At least one night a week he made omelets to help deal with the overabundance.

Simple, quick, and delicious, easy to doctor the ingredients based on what was in the refrigerator, plus Stretch liked them. A win-win, all the way around.

Tonight, Edge sautéed mushrooms in butter and white wine, adding garlic, and then the eggs. He added a sprinkle of cheese and when it was just melting, he pulled the pan from the heat, carefully folding it onto the plate. A second omelet took only a couple minutes and the first was still steaming when he carried the plates out to the living room.

There he faced his first conundrum of the night; where to put them.

The coffee table was currently covered with papers. There were notebooks, diagrams, scraps of paper covered in equations written in Stretch’s messy handwriting in a kaleidoscope of ink colors. Stretch was sitting in the floor pouring over them. He barely even glancing up as Edge walked over to him, chewing on the end of a purple pen.

Distractedly, he took the plate from Edge, mumbling a thank you before shoveling a bite into his mouth.

Well, at least he was eating food instead of writing utensils. Edge sat in the armchair with his own plate, eating silently as he watched Stretch work.

This was an effect of moving the lab equipment to their basement that Edge hadn’t anticipated. It was slowly leaking upstairs. Not that he could complain, he often brought his own work home. But then, he didn’t need the rest that Stretch did. Four or five hours a night suited him fine, while Stretch really needed a more traditional eight, nine if he could.

Stretch also should have taken a nap that afternoon and it didn’t seem as if he had. He looked tired. There were visible shadows beneath his sockets and usually if Edge sat there long enough, he would start explaining what he was doing. It was almost an automatic response these days and Edge always listened, whether or not he understood.

Today, Stretch only set his empty plate on the least cluttered corner of the table and kept writing. He didn’t seem as if he was truly working now, doodling in the margins, misshapen spirals and geometric shapes with uneven lines. But then, for all Edge knew it was another scientific language, it wasn’t like anything else on those pages made sense to him.

Almost, Edge asked him what he was working on. It would get him talking, if only to shut Edge down, and normally he would. If only Stretch didn’t look so tired.

The fatigue wasn’t completely abnormal; it was a simple fact of having low HP. On the rare occasions Stretch worked himself to exhaustion, he always made up for it afterward by sleeping in the next few days.

Edge shouldn’t be worried. And yet—

The pen was abandoned and now Stretch was absently folding a scrap of paper, crisp lines slowly forming into one of his creations.

He couldn’t be sure what, but something was clearly bothering Stretch. His work, an oncoming depressive episode, perhaps even illness. Something was clearly out of the normal.

Well, there was no point in dancing around it.

“Are you feeling all right?” Edge asked bluntly.

“i’m fine,” Stretch said, shortly. Nothing else, not so much a smile or wincingly sharp sarcasm. Which could mean that he was perfectly fine, or that he was definitely was not but didn’t want to talk about it.

Irritating to not know which. It was life with Stretch in a nutshell.

The paper he was folding slowly came into focus as a little rabbit. It was carefully set upright and with a flick of Stretch’s finger, it jumped across the table. Edge watched, considering his options.

He could either push it and risk actually angering Stretch or he could let it go and trust that if anything were wrong, Stretch would tell him. Neither choice was sitting very well with him.

He settled for leaning down to press a kiss against the top of Stretch’s skull. If he happened to mentally gauge his husband’s temperature when he did it, he could hardly be blamed for that.

From the suspicious look Stretch gave him, he was not fooled. That he hooked a finger in the collar of Edge’s shirt and pulled him down for a real kiss was more encouraging.

“i’m going to be down at the embassy tomorrow,” Stretch murmured when he drew away, still close enough that Edge could feel the warmth of his breath. “did you want to have lunch?”

“What are you doing at the Embassy?” He made a point of not reminding him of his promise to shortcut in to avoid the protesters, despite his inner voice howling for it. Stretch was an adult and he was highly unlikely to forget a promise.

Stretch shrugged. “sans asked me to come down. he and alphys are working on something, and he wanted a third opinion.”

“Hm.” Edge decided not to ask. Much as he loved listening to Stretch’s excited chatter, past experience taught him that Alphys’s work was even more incomprehensible than Stretch’s. “Yes, we could meet for lunch.”

“good.” Stretch kissed him again before asking with deliberate sultry warmth. “welp, i’m finished for the night. you done with work?”

Even a fool would understand that implication and Edge liked to consider himself above average. He was a little torn. He always wanted to be with Stretch and sex definitely held more appeal than dishes.

But he looked tired and Edge wasn’t entirely convinced that this wasn’t a ploy to take his mind off that fact.

Compromise was the stepping stone of a good marriage, he decided.

“I am. Let me do something for you?”

That took him aback. “uh, sure?”

Stretch’s uncertainty only grew as Edge slid down to the floor, pushing him gently to lay back as he settled between his legs. He slithered downward, dragging Stretch’s shorts down with him and soon, any doubts were alleviated.

Hands scrabbled against Edge’s skull, thin fingers unable to find purchase, and he didn’t quite bring Stretch to the point of begging, though it was close. Stretch didn’t last ten minutes but Edge liked to think they were a good ten minutes. Certainly Stretch’s whimpered praises gave that impression.

When Edge crawled back up the length of his limp body, wiping his mouth carelessly on his sleeve, Stretch only barely managed a drowsy kiss at first. He roused a little soon enough, hands sliding down Edge’s rib cage.

“let me—" Edge didn’t stop Stretch from pressing a hand between his own legs, watched him frown at what he found. Well, Stretch wasn’t the only one who’d thought it was a very good ten minutes.

It did mean that was Edge was going to end up doing laundry before bed, and it was a good thing magic didn’t leave permanent stains. But it also meant Stretch wouldn’t have to exhaust himself further trying to reciprocate.

“like going down on me that much?” Stretch asked impishly.

“Yes,” Edge told him honestly. The proof was obvious and still damp.

It made a blush rise in Stretch’s face, dusting his cheekbones. That soft orange was lovely, unlike the darker stains beneath his sockets. Stretch didn’t flinch when Edge cupped his face and rubbed a thumb over those shadows, but he did sigh, relenting.

“okay, okay,” Stretch grumbled. “listen, maybe you’re right, i am pretty tired. i’ll head up to bed and you can wander up whenever you want, yeah?”

Edge rolled off him and to his feet, holding out a hand to help Stretch to his. “Do you want me to tuck you in?”

Stretch clasped his hands to his face and batted his non-existent eyelashes. “aw, would you, mama bear? read me a story, get me a glass of water—"

“Spank your ass.”

“kinky. yeah, if you wanna cuddle in the afterglow a little bit, you can come up.”

Stretch started upstairs, blowing him a kiss from the landing and he only waiting long enough for Edge to pretend to catch it before turning away. He didn’t see the way Edge pressed his hand to his mouth, adding his own kiss.

Edge didn’t care. The act wasn’t only for his husband’s benefit.

He did take a moment to clear away the dinner dishes, pausing at the linen closet to pull out an extra blanket in case Stretch was feeling colder than usual.

He passed the coffee table on his way up and paused. The little paper rabbit was sitting on top of the paperwork, poised for another leap amidst the multi-colored scrawls.

Edge picked it up and tucked it into his pocket before following Stretch up. It wouldn’t take him long to fall asleep, Edge hoped, and Edge could stay a while and make sure he was settled.

His love needed his rest.

-finis-

[benes-diction]

full name.  Celia bas Benes (formerly Celia kir Benes) pronunciation.  SEE-lee-yuh bahs Beh-nehz (SEE-lee-yuh keer  Beh-nehz) nicknames.  ‘Marshmallow’. ‘Little Bear.’ height. 4 fulms, 11 ilms age. 20. Will be turning 21 soon. zodiac. Gemini. languages. Common Eorzean, Garlean, Ala Mhigan sign language, Garlean sign language, bits and pieces of Hingan.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.  pale, white-blonde. eye colour.  Pale blue, but appear violet in most light. skin tone.  On the pale side of fair. body type.  Petite and waifish, often appearing underweight. accent.  Currently not applicable, as Celia doesn’t speak. However, if/when she does undergo surgery to change that, Celia may be able to replicate the Ilsabardian accent she’s used to. dominant hand. Right-handed. Slightly ambidextrous.  posture.  Generally good, if formal at times. Stiff when upset or angry. scars. One large and rather gruesome scar, stretching horizontally across her nose and right cheek.  tattoos.  None. most noticeable features. The signature Benes-blue eyes, especially in times when the light changes their color, and her facial scar. One might also note her height, considering she is incredibly tiny for a Garlean.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  The Garlean capital, under the watchful gazes of medical professionals. hometown.  The Garlean capital. birth weight / height. Smaller than normal. manner of birth.  Premature, with some difficulties. Celia was born relatively healthy considering the early birth, but the delivery posed a threat to her mother’s life. Luckily, both survived. first words.  No truly spoken words yet, but her first signed word was ‘cookie.’ siblings.   Cato (deceased), Solina, and Caius, all older than she is. parents.  Lucius mal Benes, and Theodosia cen Benes, both alive. parental involvement. Celia’s mother was a constant presence in her life, and Theodosia went out of her way to build up Celia’s confidence and remind her that an inability to speak should not hinder her goals. Lucius, although more distant, was equally involved in subtler ways. Coming from a family that was very lacking in physical and verbal affection, Lucius didn’t dote on his daughter quite as much as he would have liked to, but he kept a close eye on her. He paid close attention to her interests and would leave small gifts for her. Most of Celia’s fonder memories of him are just the two of them sitting quietly in his study, she reading a book while he worked.

ADULT LIFE

occupation.  Formerly a medicus in the Imperial army, now technically unemployed. Self-proclaimed freedom fighter and novice adventurer. current residence.  Mainly Ul’dah, although Celia travels between the city-states as needed. She has a permanent residence in Shirogane in the form of an apartment, courtesy of her sister Solina’s wanderlust. close friends. At least three, if not more. Celia hesitates to consider people close friends, as she unknowingly expects them to hurt her or leave at some point. relationship status. Wholly and happily devoted to her lover and tol, Arduro Vocitus. financial status. Cut off from her family’s wealth, Celia generally lives off the income of her companions. She manages the finances to make sure they’re all able to live comfortably. driver’s license. Celia has a chocobo, but no license. She is, however, certified to operate several magitek devices. criminal record.  None, at the moment, although it’s likely that she would be convicted of treason. vices. Sweets and candies and various other sugary snacks. And being a mean big/little sister to her friend the Doman Dog (see also: The Hingan Catte, Hayabusa.)

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.  Asexual romantic orientation.  Panromantic. preferred emotional role.  submissive | dominant | switch  |  unsure  preferred sexual role.  submissive  |  dominant  |  switch |  sex repulsed libido. Practically non-existent, although she’s slowly gotten curious about it as she’s gotten more comfortable with her tol. turn on’s. Unknown currently, but she’s more drawn to people who show kindness and compassion. Gentle giants. turn off’s. Willful ignorance and uppity attitudes. And people who disagree with her. love language. Quality Time. relationship tendencies.  Shared treats and time. Low maintenance. She is always worrying about her S/O and is the kind of girl to fall asleep waiting for them to get home. Unwavering trust. Celia tends to be shy with her romantic affection, but there will never be a doubt that she’s committed.

MISCELLANEOUS.

hobbies to pass the time.  Reading, watching theatrical performances or people, playing with her Canis Pugnax puppy. Sparring with Arduro. Shooting targets. mental illnesses. PTSD, CPTSD. Very, very mild depression. physical illnesses.  An abnormality in her vocal chords, preventing her from speaking.  left or right brained. Right. fears. Forgetting her loved ones. Losing sight of her morals. Insects. The open ocean. Explosions, and by proxy, sometimes fire. Someone grabbing her hands without her permission. Her older brother Caius. Blonde-haired men resembling her brother. self confidence level.  Minuscule. The only thing she takes confidence in is her intelligence... which is sometimes drowned out by her lack of common sense. vulnerabilities. Her voice--or the lack thereof. And despite her slowly coming to believe otherwise, Celia is incredibly sensitive to people who make her feel worthless. There is an equal chance such feelings will make her withdraw, or cause her to lash out in the cruelest way she can think of. 

Tagged by: @cherrytart-ffxiv

Tagging: UHHH. @arcurisrilanox @thedarkestdragonknight @catte-bard AND YOU. Feel free to ignore this, if you’d like. I have no idea who to tag for these things. \o/

[justakidwithopinions-blog]

Preface

First I would like to tell you why I chose this particular movie; This movie is about a mental – turned into a physical- disorder called body dysmorphia and in this special case anorexia. I’m pretty sure you know what these terms mean but since I’m here to review it and dare I say “criticise” it, I’m going to give a summarized explanation.

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others.

Anorexia an emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat.

Now on to why I chose this movie, I have been dealing with BDD for many years now that at this point I don’t even remember when it started, I was a “fat” kid that everyone (parents, family, friends and even strangers) would judge and or make fun of. That made me very much aware of my “ugly” and “abnormal” body and the cherry on top is that when I hit puberty my breasts turned out saggy and there I was left with the judging eyes of my mother –and other close female family relatives- that would point that out every so often that I’m looking forward to getting surgery on them this summer to “fix” them and that means forming into a build-up standard made by the human race. I went on a pretty strict diet when I was 16 and lost 11 kg and since then I’ve been keeping this strange diet where I eat nothing beyond 5 pm (sometimes 7 pm depending on when I eat my dinner) and basically eating less than 1000 calories a day and well as everyone encourages you to do so exercise; by now so many of my friends and relatives say that I don’t or that I refuse to eat anything and that it is unhealthy, which is ironic cause they were the ones that made fun of me and judged me when I was fat and now that I’m considered “skinny” I “Don’t eat anything and torturing myself for nothing and putting too much pressure on myself”, well guess what? I still consider myself fat, I still want to lose at least 5 kg and have an impossible dream to get anorexia. Yes, I do wish I have a deadly disease and this movie clearly shows why not to wish that upon yourself and how you need to live. Not just as in breathing but as in being alive, enjoying the moment, loving, caring and being loved! Which I haven’t felt in a while. That’s the reason I chose it because not only it shows you the good sides of life that everyone dreams of but it also shows the struggles and how hard it is to reach the good sides and that we – I in this case- take so many things for granted.

   To The Bone

The movie starts with some people in a group therapy session and a girl saying that how the media presents us with a cake, like it’s a reward then in the next page they show some sad fat girl and some fit girl next to her that says I went on this diet and got fit and the girl continues by complaining about the media saying that it wants to torture us, which I think is a great way to start a movie about anorexia, you see, many people – especially women – are often criticized by the world around them, we have magazines that judge celebrities about how fat they’ve gotten while red circling some tummy rolls on a person who’s at most a size 5; since we live in a society that people make shrines out of celebrities and look so high up to some people, we see those red circles, look into the mirror and say “well I have more tummy rolls, I’m a size 6! People must hate me, people probably don’t like me, I will never be loved…” and it goes on forever, comparing yourself to some sort of standard that the media has created just to sell whatever product they have. The movie then shows the main character Ellen, a young woman in her early 20’s that has black eyeliner all around her eye and is going for an “artistic” and “depressive” look, because it’s quite popular right now and apparently having depression makes you cool. She goes on by saying rude words and then it’s shown that she has been thrown out of yet another group therapy and in-patient. It’s then showed that she’s smoking cigarettes while being welcomed by her father’s house-keeper. This movie brings out so many good points, one of them being smoking; so many youngsters smoke either because they want to fit in with their group of friends or society or it’s because smoking is a sex thing and doing it makes you look “Hotter” and more “attractive” in this movie Ellen smokes to eat less as many anorexic people tend to do. Ellen then proves to her sister at dinner that she has memorized the calories of everything, meaning that she counts every single calorie she consumes and wants to keep in under control, she seems to have a good bond with her sister. Later we’re introduced to a new key character, Ellen’s step-mother, Susan. Susan has a pep talk with Ellen saying that her father is upset at her and Ellen asks why the father himself isn’t present to express that, Susan comes up with excuses and then asks to weigh Ellen, in the process of weighing, Ellen takes off most of her clothing and Susan is scared and worried that she just looks “too thin”, she then takes a picture of Ellen’s body and asks if she thinks she looks beautiful which she responds with no, at this point of the movie I don’t think Ellen says she doesn’t look beautiful because of how thin she is, I think she says that because she’s not thin enough for her own standards, the thing with these types of disorders is that the person becomes a perfectionist and weirdly enough has their own standard of what is perfect and what is not and so she didn’t think she was perfect because she had probably gained weight in the in-patient she was thrown out of. Later it cuts to Ellen’s parents fighting behind the closed doors and the sisters sneaking out of the house. As I mentioned before they seem to have a pretty good relationship, they laugh about how messed up their family is and Ellen says that she’s probably going to be kicked out of her own house (again, which we’ll get to that) or get sent to treatment, which Kelly gives a respond in a way so commonly used by the people close to the diseased person that don’t have a clue what’s actually going on “Okay, so eat.” to which Ellen responds “I eat,” the thing is that Kelly does actually care about Ellen in the most selfless way possible (as we proceed, there’s going to be a family therapy which I think is one of the best and realistic scenes of the movie since it shows how the family can effect on one’s health and how even one person caring can make you accomplish a lot) because when Ellen says “I’ve got it under control, Nothing bad is going to happen.” She says one of the most iconic lines “How many people do you think are down there? Like, two million? I bet a bunch of them who are about to die just said the exact same thing.”

Fast-forwarding to Ellen getting submitted into a new in-patient and it showing that the new doctor is pretty straight forward that he doesn’t want to give anyone “hope” neither he’s interested in patients that don’t want to live anymore. As she gets submitted to the in-patient, the story begins, the story of rising and falling in life while having a mental disorder. We’re introduced to another major role in the movie which is Luke and other patients that are going through what she’s going through in their own special way. What this movie beautifully represents is the variety of how people deal with having a mental disorder and how it may appear on someone, for example, you may think that someone with a disorder that mentally doesn’t allow them to eat anything to be very thin but we can see an obese girl having BDD. A thing that stands to me is that they never once mention the word “anorexia” by its full term, they might call themselves “rexies” from time to time, but no one wants to admit that they have a mental illness or even admit that they are sick. We see a quite unique group of people, someone who’s “tubed” and lives in “pony-land” even though they might be past their 20’s and is afraid of healing because she doesn’t believe that she’s sick and gets nausea thinking about food, A pregnant lady that got knocked-up by a random guy but wants to keep the baby and has a beautiful line (that even Ellen herself points out) “I just want to think about something besides me for once” which what a mental disorder in my opinion (especially in this case) is about “being too obsessed with yourself, that you think the world orbits around you” and my favourite character, Luke. He’s there because he has a “dream” a “goal” he wants to heal and keeps giving people a new perspective that they should too find a goal in life and try to get better for it. He’s optimistic but you can see throughout the movie that he’s just as broken as the others, that he as well wants to lose hope and die, but for the others he’s comfort, sometimes he might be overwhelming to the other patients as he might get too optimistic and cheerful –something that people with mental illnesses either don’t want to see or even be- but at the end, he’s the one that “saves” Eli (as she changes her name, which props to her doctor cause I really think that that was a really good idea, it somehow is a starting step towards a big change in life) although the doctor was really helpful because personally, I like people (especially therapists) to be straight forward, and their conversation

 “I just don't see the point.

- There is no point. Or at least, big picture, we don't get to know what it is. Why we live, why Megan lost the baby, why that girl killed herself.

- You're not reassuring me, doctor.

- I can't reassure you. This idea you have that there's a way to be safe...it's childish and cowardly. It stops you from experiencing anything, including anything good.

- You don't think I feel bad enough already? I know I'm messed up... but you're supposed to teach me how not to be.

-You know, how. Stop waiting for life to be easy. Stop hoping for somebody to save you. You don't need another person lying to you. Things don't all add up. But you're resilient. Face some hard facts and you could have an incredible life”

Was a major breaking point. In the movie Eli’s family play a big role in her life as we can see in the family therapy session most of them are self-centered and want to blame one another for Eli’s situation, her mother coming out as gay to her at the age of 13 and getting a divorce from her father and marrying her best friend, her father not being at the picture at all as we don’t even see him once in the movie because he keeps coming up with excuses that he can’t be there for his daughter that has a big negative effect on Eli as she’s always asking whether her father is showing up or not, two step-mums which show their full support, Susan which she now lives with and is really trying so hard to bond with Eli and is knocking on every door to find a cure for her and Olive that seems to be very strict but kind as well, A sister –Kelly- which I’ve already discussed, that shows to be a very caring younger sister. At the end of the movie Eli decides to visit her mother, they have a really heartbreaking scene in the tent that her mother points out that when Eli was born she had postpartum depression and how she couldn’t hold Eli as baby and she’s regretting it so she offers that she should feed her like a baby (a way that a friend recommended) which at first Eli said no to but then when her mother wants to leave quoting that she accepts if Eli doesn’t want to live anymore she cries out her name saying that she wants to be fed and rocked to sleep.

There are three final points that I want to discuss:

1.       The rain scene: doctor Beckham scheduled a trip for the whole group to a place that has fake rain. Rain in the popular culture is a symbol of life and that’s why doctor Beckham decided to bring them there, to show them how it feels to be alive. It was so beautifully painted and I think everyone at that specific moment, even Eli who has a very dark view on life felt amazing and wanted to be alive and most importantly stay alive.

2.       Eli’s relationship with Luke: as they get know each other better, they tend to be good friends, finding some same interests and having the polar opposite opinions in life really matched them up. We can see that Luke has known Eli for a while now throughout her paintings and artworks on her blog and Eli was his muse until she took the blog down (because someone killed herself because of her works and sent her a letter). Luke finds out what her favourite candy is and gets her that candy forcing her to smell, touch and then take a bite out of it which she refuses and yells at Luke saying that he shouldn’t be too pleased with himself, Luke then takes her on a date as he has earned points (because he has been eating and gaining weight) which at first Eli refuses but then accepts as Luke says they can walk the whole way and she will gain no weight if she eats, the restaurant scene is pretty intimate, showing how good they’re bonding and how Luke is lovingly looking at her and is sad that she chews the food and then spits it out even though she finds it very delicious and is actually hungry. The second swing scene is where they have an immediate rise and fall, first opening up about things like virginity and sex and Luke asking if she was abused sexually when she was younger which she says the “casual groping” as women tend to grow out breasts and the “slurs” which they both ironically discuss how women are just objects for men –which this was one of the good points the movie brought up, how women get cat-called so often that they don’t even view it as sexual harassment anymore and how it’s a problem in society and how it deeply affects women and objectifies them and we need to shine light on it- he says that she needs to be touched by someone who cares about her and kisses her, as the kiss deepens, Luke says that he’s falling in love with her and that was so irrational for her that she breaks them off and says they haven’t known each other enough to fall in love and Luke blames her on that behalf. We don’t see the relationship getting fixed or better as Eli wants to get out of the house Luke says to her that she’s his only hope in life since his dream of being a ballerina is crushed due to the fact that his knee now needs surgery but she just leaves him to get out. At the end as she has the dream (which is my final point of discussion) we see Luke in her dream and how he helps her survive and come back to the house. (I personally hope they get back together!)

3.       Eli’s final dream/coma: after her heartbreaking scene with her mother she takes a late-night trip to the desert as she gets tired and lays down, she wakes up in some sort of after-life (as she has been eating poorly the past few days and she has finally achieved her goal of fitting her arm into her fist meaning that she has lost her hope and there isn’t much left of her) she’s looking healthy and is greeted by Luke pointing out a tree, on the next scene she’s sitting both under the tree and on the tree with Luke, sharing an intimate moment with him and looking up at herself feeling discussed with her now full-of-hope self. Luke asks her to look at herself to which she looks down to see herself lying on the ground, naked, dead, to the bone; she finally realises what she has done to herself and what the effects of her death may be and when she wakes up she’s finally happy to be alive and looks joyfully at life. Now she’s ready to heal, finds out who actually cares about her as she tightly hugs her step mum Susan which she found annoying at first (because she actually cared) and now wants to try one last time.

 Final thoughts: This movie was directed by Marti Nixon a woman in her early 50’s which was loosely based on her own life experience and wants to shine a light on a mental disorder that is quite popular amongst women. I think it had a really good point-of-view and discussed so many taboo things in society, such as LGBTQ+ rights, mental disorders and toxic family behaviours. I would definitely recommend everyone to watch it and not take things they have in life for granted and how they should review their behaviour towards life and other people –and how deeply one wrong action can change a person’s life entirely- and take better care of themselves and their beloved ones (as we can see that Eli was an effect from a failed relationship of two people who probably didn’t want kids or didn’t know how to raise one and how Eli blames herself for all that mentioning that she’s not viewed as a “person” anymore in her parents’ life but rather as a “problem.”)  And not respond with “you just want attention” if someone opens up about a struggle to you.

 -Negin Hamesh 10/06/19, a brief review of the movie “To the bone (2017)” directed and written by Marti Nixon.