#“they took away the cancer but forgot to fill the hole

[ghostlysodo]

the next to normal fixation is back baby (it never went away)

[whiskery-louis]

Pancakes

This is part 2 to Game Night and I think it will be the last! I am thinking about writing out their break-up but I’m not sure.

Luke x reader

Trigger Warning: angst

Please let me know what you think!!

~~~~~~~~

 “What are you doing here?” you moved to block him from coming in, pushing the door closed every so slightly.

His eyes followed your movement and you knew he wasn’t fooled. He knew exactly what you were doing. It was unnerving him watching you after all this time. You used to love that his eyes followed you around the room, but now you were itching to slam the door in his face.

“Your phone.” he whispered.

“What about it?” you snapped.

He just sighed and put his hand in his pocket, pulling out your familiar marble phone case. “You ran out so fast you forgot this in the kitchen. And I-uh, I just wanted to make sure you got it back.”

 He held it for you to take as he reached up to scratch the back of his neck with his free hand. You couldn’t stop your eyes from glancing at the patch of skin that escaped under his shirt as he moved his arms. He cleared his throat when you didn’t take your phone from him immediately, the sound snapping you back to reality.

“Thank you,” you spoke curtly, not wanting to show him any emotion. You reached out and grabbed your phone careful not to let his skin brush yours. “If that’s all…” you moved to shut the door on him but his hand shot out and stopped it. The metal of his rings connecting with the door.

“Y/N wait can we talk?” he eyes searched your face pleading.

“Luke I really don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s been six months and I had a long night. Thank you for bringing me my phone but I just can’t.”

“I brought coffee,” you turned to see him reaching to the little table you had on your porch to pick up an iced drink. “And donuts.” his other hand was now holding a small box. 

You sighed defeated as you opened the door further to let him in.

“You can stay until I finish my drink.”

He shut the door behind him and followed you into the kitchen. You froze in the doorway seeing the contents of the box that you forgot were laid out on the island.

“Shit,” you muttered but before you could turn to stop Luke from seeing your mess from last night, his body collided with yours, spilling the drink all over you.

“Fuck Y/N I’m so sorry. You just stopped and I didn’t…” His voice trailed off as he saw the photos of you and him that littered the kitchen. His eyes went back to you, a questioning look crossing his face. 

You cut him off before he could speak. “I’m going to change. You can sit in there,” you pointed to your living room. “I’ll be right back. Please just don’t touch anything.”

Luke just nodded and went to sit on the couch as you made your way back upstairs.

“Nice shirt by the way!” 

You looked down to see you were wearing his old Nirvana shirt, the first one he ever gave you and mentally cursed yourself for choosing to open that damn box last night. You rifled through the pile of clothes on your floor looking for your familiar oversized sweatshirt. Once you located it you took off Luke’s old shirt and shrugged on the familiar pale yellow crew neck. Ironically this was the sweatshirt you bought on your flight home from L.A. after your breakup and it had become the thing that you wore to bed whenever you had an off day. Maybe it was because that whole flight home you had cried and the only thing you had that he never touched was that sweatshirt.

You paused to take a quick look at yourself in the mirror and blanched when you saw how disheveled you looked. You sighed and hated that you wished you looked nicer, still not wanting Luke to see you like this. You quickly crossed the hall to your bathroom to wash your face, run a brush through your hair and apply the smallest amount of concealer to cover the blemishes on your face. Feeling slightly better you flushed the toilet to make it seem natural that you were taking longer. 

Closing your eyes and taking a quick breath, you headed back down to Luke. He was sitting on the couch as you had told him too but now he was surrounded by the items that you had stored away in that box for six months. He was looking through a scrapbook that you had made about your trip to Disneyworld, he was so distracted that he didn’t hear you enter the room. 

You stood there for a few minutes in disbelief at what you were looking at. Never did you think that Luke would step foot in your new home. The breakup had been so hard that you swore you wouldn’t give him the chance to hurt you again. You didn’t want to be that girl who took a guy back just because he apologized. Even if he is the love of your life.

Standing here watching him relive some of your favorite memories you began to feel your walls weaken. There had always been something about him that made your insides go soft, the way he always huffed at his hair to keep it out of his eyes, too stubborn to pull it back. You still remember the way his eyes lit up when you walked in a room, how he would always make you pancakes when you had a bad day, and the way his arms felt when they were wrapped around you during a scary movie. 

It was strange seeing him after all this time. You thought your anger at how it ended would overpower you, but instead you felt sadness at what was lost. It shouldn’t surprise you as you were always head over heels for him, all your friends said you were crazy for running off to L.A. to be with the rockstar that you met by chance when he was touring the world. You knew their concerns were valid but you also knew the connection you shared with Luke was stronger. And you were right, for eight months you lived out there and it was eight months of pure bliss. Then out of nowhere he broke up with you and you were on the next flight home. 

And now after all this time you were curious as to what he had to say. 

You crossed the room and sat down next to him, glancing over his shoulder at the pages he had opened in the book. You laughed when you recognized the picture of the two of you riding Dinosaur. It was one of your favorite memories - Luke was screaming and you were turned towards him laughing at his reaction.

“That was one of my favorite parts of that trip.” 

He looked up at you, a slight smile on his face, “Mine is how tired you always were at the end of the days so you would lean on me as we walked out of the park and always fell asleep on my shoulder while on the shuttles. I always loved watching you sleep.”

Your eyes moved from the pictures to meet him. The sorrow you saw was overwhelming, it made you pause and realize you never thought about how he felt when things ended.

“Luke-” you began but he cut you off.

“Please Y/N let me talk. I’ve been trying to figure out how to word this for six months and I need to tell you why I ended it.” He pleaded, his voice breaking at the end. You only nodded your head not trusting your voice. “I need to say how sorry I am for what I did. And I don’t have this epic excuse or anything. I was just being a stupid fuck. I was trying to make myself believe that I wasn’t being a complete jackass. I had convinced myself that you were miserable and you didn’t want to be with me.” His eyes searched yours, begging you to believe him. “After you left I thought I had done the right thing, that I wouldn’t feel so messed up anymore. And it did, but then I buried myself in alcohol, partying, and other girls. Hell that even worked for a time, but nothing could fill the hole in my heart. One particularly wild and embarrassing night, the paps caught up to us. And well...Ashton told me you saw the photos and that’s what brought it full circle Y/N. Even though we were no longer together I knew I had to find a way to tell you why I ruined us. I owed you that much. I wish I had planned what happened yesterday but I had no idea you would be here. The boys told me you had moved in with your college friends and I never questioned it. Never believed that you would move back home and didn’t even realize how close their Airbnb was. I had been living in a trance the last month and I think the boys knew seeing you would break me out of it.”

He stopped here, and reached over to grab your hands. You pulled back at his touch, very unsure as to how you were feeling about everything he just revealed.

“You still haven’t told me why Luke. Why did you end it?”

“I was scared.”

“Bullshit, that’s a coward's answer and you know it.”

“You’re right, I was a coward. But that’s the truth Y/N I swear by it. I was scared of how much I loved you and it terrified me that you could walk out on me one day. So I pushed you away. I convinced myself that I was no good for you. That I was a cancer to your life. I told myself that you were miserable living in L.A., that you missed your friends and family and you were alone too much due to my schedule. I told myself that it wasn’t fair what I was doing to you and that I was ruining your life. So I told you all those lies six months ago so that you would hate me and it worked,” he chuckled darkly.

You were shocked, after all this time you were getting a reasoning behind your heartbreak and it wasn’t what you thought. Or what you wanted. You always assumed there was someone else or something else that he wanted more than you, but he was just scared? He was being raw and honest with you and although it wasn’t a groundbreaking revelation, you knew it was the truth.

“Y/N, can you say something?”

“I’m just processing. Of all the reasons I never thought….” you trailed off as your mind was racing. “Luke I always thought it was because of her. That she was giving you something I wasn’t.”

He grabbed your hands again, and this time you didn’t retract. Your eyes met his and you could see the pain in them.

“That was never the case, she was supposed to just be another stupid escape but when the photos were published I went with it. I thought if I looked happy to the rest of the world that maybe I would start to believe the lie. But once Ash told me you saw those pictures of that night, I broke it off with her. None of the boys knew, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you seeing me like that. She is my biggest regret since pushing you away.” You just nodded slightly. “I really am disgusted with how I hurt you Y/N. You were the best thing that happened to me and I will never forgive myself for making you feel that way.”

“Luke it’s-well it's not okay what you did, but I do believe you. I believe that you were scared of losing me but you should have talked to me about those fears. You were my world Luke, I gave up my life here to be with you and you never asked me to do that. Every decision I made was my own, and you should not have taken my decision away from me. You broke me Luke and I had to pick up the pieces by myself. The past six months have been impossibly hard, but I am stronger because of it. So ironically I should thank you for the pain you put me through. Before you I didn’t know what love was and what it felt like to be loved. I also know what I deserve in a relationship and how I should be treated. You treated me like an equal up until that night which is why it was so hard to accept what had happened. You also taught me to fight for what I want. I should have fought harder for you to talk to me but I was so shocked I just left. So yes, you broke my heart but somehow I’m okay.”

You broke your gaze from his and picked up the scrapbook he was looking at. Smiling at the memories you had preserved.

“You know I haven’t looked at any of this stuff since I moved in here. Seeing you last night was shocking, but I’m glad it was you who brought my phone back. Though I am still going to kill Ashton and Mikey for pulling this shit. I’m glad we talked.”

You looked back at him and saw him staring intently at you once more. A small smile danced across his lips. He reached out and took the scrapbook from you, placing it back on the table. He had his whole body turned towards you, and laced his fingers through yours. It was a familiar feeling and warmth spread from him to you.

“Y/N I know I have no right to ask your forgiveness but I am. I miss you, I miss being with you and I’m here asking - no begging for a second chance to prove myself to you. To prove that I am no longer scared and that I am still worthy of calling you mine. Do you think we could try again?”

The emotion in his voice was evident, he meant every word that he said and you knew if you decided to give him a chance that he would do everything he could to prove himself to you. You could feel it in your bones that he was still in love with you, and you knew that you never stopped loving him. But it was one thing to love him, and another to trust him after everything he did.

“I’m not sure I can forgive you just yet Luke. And as much as I want to forget it all happened, we can’t just pick up where we left off.”

The hope in his eyes dimmed as the words left your mouth. His whole demeanor changed, his shoulders dropped and he let out a small sigh. 

“I get it, not the answer I wanted but thank you for being honest.” He stood to go, obviously feeling uncomfortable at staying any longer. “Thanks for hearing me out, I uh, I hope we can still be friends.” He gave you a slight smile and headed towards the door.

You stood up and reached out for his hand, pulling him back towards you.

“I said we can’t go back to how it was, I didn’t say we couldn’t go out for some pancakes.”

Before you knew it, he swept you into a hug, holding you as close as possible. He pulled back slightly and you saw the biggest grin plastered onto his face as he looked down at you.

“Pancakes sound perfect.”

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (8)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 5K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Notes: I’m posting earlier because I won’t be able to post it at midnight. Next week the update will be just like usual. 

I want to say that we’re getting closer to the chap 11, the last one I have written, and if when I post it I don’t have the other ones written yet, the update won’t have a schedule anymore since I don’t want to rush writing [Also I’m blocked to this fic. But I think I might be getting new ideas to the chap 12, so let’s stay hopeful] 

Updates: I’ll update it once a week [Tuesdays] because I still have to write the chapters to come and review the ones I already wrote

                                                         /////

     He was absolutely everywhere this week.

     Even though you studied on the same Campus for a few years now, you never ran into Hyunjin so many times as you did this past week. You knew it wasn’t like he was stalking you, so you assumed maybe you just didn’t pay attention to his presence, or maybe he avoided you before? It could be even related to the hot dog stand… Maybe it had changed his opinion about the other stands on the Campus?

     Whichever was the reason for you to bump into him all the week, the fact that neither of these days you guys fought for real was impressive by itself. You even were getting along with each other. When would you imagine that you would hang out with Hyunjin peacefully one day? Never. You crossed your legs, waiting for him to knock on your door. Paris walked around the place, grabbing things she thought were important to go to Han’s match.

     As you watched her going around, you recalled your strangely friendly week.

 Monday

     There was something about Mondays that just didn’t click.

     You grunted, rolling your eyes as you spotted the queue, the only thing in your way to get the holy drink that allowed you to function on Monday mornings: Coffee. You checked your phone, sighing as you realized that there was no way in hell you would get your coffee and be on time for your classes. You clicked your tongue, annoyed, spinning on your heels to make your way to the closest vending machine.

     The universe must be a man or it wouldn’t be a dick to you every morning.

     The greatest way to begin your day could only be buying a cheap and utterly disgusting coffee just so you could arrive on time for your classes. Sometimes you wished your Professors would give you some more credit. You were sacrificing your own happiness for them, just so they could fill your desk ─to not say another word─ with assignments to do.

     You strode, checking the time phone’s clock a few times, bumping in some people in the way while letting a bunch of ‘Sorry’ and ‘My bad’ slip through your lips. You skipped some steps, going up the stairs as quickly as you could and finally getting to your destination: The vending machines. You waited behind two girls who seemed to think about what they were going to get, deciding to check your messages for the time being.    

     “Did you hear about it?” the blond one whispered, not paying attention to you but looking to her sides, checking to see if anyone was hearing. Well, hello to you too. The brunette leaned her way, cupping her ear so she could listen to the gossip on first hand “They’re dating” She whispered not as discretely as she thought, making the brunette gasp.

      Blondie nodded as if it was something really impressing and matter-of-factly, and apparently, it really was since Brunette seemed shocked, covering her mouth with her hand. She decided to add a “No way” that made Blondie hum, nodding once again as they exchanged a knowing look. You waited for them to finally choose something from the machine but, of course, they couldn’t do this, gushing about whatever they were saying in a way that you couldn’t really make sense of their words.    

     “Excuse me? Are you going to buy something?” You decided to ask, arching your brow and crossing your arms, kinda done with them. Why the hell take a line to gossip when they could just stand anywhere else as they talked about it? Blondie turned to you, an obnoxious expression on her face, ready to be an asshole.

    As soon as she met your eyes, though, she paled; features blanking and eyes averting from yours immediately. Just as suspiciously, Brunette shrieked, looking at you with wide eyes and pursing her lips before averting her eyes from yours to meet her friend’s.

     Okay, something was definitely weird here.

      And you were smart enough to assume they were talking about you.

    “So?” You pressed but they didn’t say anything, nudging each other with their elbows and snapping you some embarrassed looks before connecting their eyes. Blondie cleared her throat, opening her mouth to say something that never came. She gasped, looking past you, chirping at her friend, and you frowned, turning back to see what was the commotion about.

    “Morning, girls” Hyunjin smirked, stopping right behind you and greeting them with a nod “Y/N” He added later, a hint of amusement under his tone. You nodded back at him, scanning his face. He gave the girls a dimpled smile, eyes scrunching and glinting friendly at them, not a note of dark circles or grumpiness in any corner… Okay, how the hell he did that on a Monday morning?

     The girls turned around to the machine, finally choosing something and hurrying to pick it up, rushing to get away from you but throwing looks over their shoulders. You narrowed your eyes, furrowing your brows in deep thought as you approached the machine, selecting the only coffee you could take from there and inserting your money in the hole.

     “Did you hear something weird today?” You asked casually, waiting for the machine to drop your coffee so you could pick it up. Hyunjin shrugged, thoughtfully sticking his lower lip out, seeming to think about your question. He shook his head, denying, and you sighed, turning back to pick up your coffee.

     That wasn’t there.

     You whined, spotting your drink stuck on the machine, throwing your head back and groaning, totally done with the day. Hyunjin chuckled, peeking over your shoulder to understand what was happening before breaking out in a fit of giggles, trying to muffle them with his hand, looking away. You grimaced at him, kicking the machine lightly to see if it could help somehow, and obviously hurting your foot in the process, which made him laugh more, twittering.

    “Hey!” You grumbled, looking at him warily. You checked your phone again. Great, just five minutes to be officially late for your classes! You rested your forehead on the glass, bumping it softly twice before sighing, ready to forfeit. He seemed to take pity on you, tapping your shoulder so you would look at him.

     “Here, let me help you” He offered, pushing you lightly so you would get out of his way, and giving two hard hits at the side of the machine, followed by three slaps and one kick. You looked at him impressed, waiting for the coffee to fall. He blocked your view with his back, and waited a bit, looking inside the machine before repeating his previous actions “Well, it helps on movies” He pointed out, still not looking at you, and you cackled up.

    As soon as you heard the engine’s working, coiling inside the machine, and the soft thud made way to your ears, you gasped, laughing dying in your throat. He looked smugly at you, picking up the bottle and handing it to you, his smirk almost too cocky to handle. You rolled your eyes, taking it from his hands, preparing to thank him when you noticed it.

    The same bottle stuck there, looking at you.

    You looked at the bottle in your hands before giving the other bottle another look, trailing your eyes to Hyunjin slowly. He smiled mischievously now, and you soon realized what he had just done. You hurried to open your bag, searching for your wallet just to realize you forgot it at the dorm, letting another groan leave your lips, tired of this day already. You opened your mouth to protest but he raised his hand, waving it dismissively.

     “That’s my surrender gift” He smiled at you, and you sighed before checking your phone once again.

     “I’ll pay you back” You promised, turning around to rush to your classroom.

     “Oh, can I know how you’ll do it?” He asked suggestively, raising his voice so you could hear him. You rolled your eyes, although he didn’t see it, before shooting him your middle finger.

    “Fuck off” You shouted back, and you shook your head in amusement as you heard him chortle at your snap.

Tuesday

     You pinched the bridge of your nose, letting a sigh fall from your lips.

     It would be impossible not to be aware of all the looks people shot your way and the whispering following every step you took on the halls. You hoisted your bag over your shoulder, lowering your head and fixing your gaze on the floor as you strode quickly, sensing Paris following right behind you.

    “What the hell is happening?” She mused, heading to your usual sit, as soon as you got to the classroom, throwing her bag on the desk as she sat down. You followed her, looking at her in clear defeat before resting your bag beside hers, sighing as you took your seat.

     “I don’t have any idea” You admitted, looking around the room, noticing a few heads snapping away, pretending not to watch you both like a hawk “I heard some girls talking about someone dating yesterday… I guess they’re talking about me and Hyunjin?” You guessed, shrugging “They sure acted strange when he showed up” You added, pensive.

     “You? Dating Hyunjin?” Paris asked surprised, brows shooting up and an amused smile spreading through her face “Why?” She chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief, eyes wandering to the door to meet an amused Hyunjin coming in. He walked as if he owned the place, looking to each classmate in the front and giving them a silent greeting before he got next to both of you.

     “Have you heard the news?” He asked, chuckling, before pulling the chair to sit down, the scrapping sound making you cringe  “We’re dating” He stated, eyes holding such amusement that they almost disappeared as he grinned.

     “Oh? So that’s really it?” You hummed, nodding in understanding “Why does everybody think we’re dating?” You asked curiously and he shot you a surprised look, head tilting back slightly and brows arching up as he blinked once, totally dumbfounded.

    “What?” His tone confused you, voice faltering as it mixed with giggles, eyes looking at you with awe.

    “What?” You asked sternly, frowning at him, trying to find some hint on his amused features that explained why he found it so funny. You leaned forward on your desk to take a better look at him, and Paris leaned back, interested in what was unraveling in front of her, eyes darting to both of you expectantly.

    “Well- No, I mean…” He leaned forward, mimicking you, his amused feature giving way to confused one “I heard about me and Paris” He stated, and this time you were the one who got dumbfounded “Are we disappointed here?” He teased, smirking at you suggestively, which you promptly ignored.

    “Oh” You blurted, surprised, blinking a few times and nodding in understanding. You cleared your throat, fixing yourself on your seat, settling against the backrest “Paris, hm?” You nodded again, hand rising slowly to your chin, cupping it as your index finger rested on your lips “So why the hell are people talking behind my back?” You mused out loud, frowning, eyes focused on the empty whiteboard.

    “You should be used to it by now” He mocked, and you glanced at him in contempt, rolling your eyes before quirking your lips down, shaking your head in disbelief. Paris chuckled, looking at both of you amused, crossing her arms while she watched your interaction as if it was her favorite movie, making you throw her a narrowed look.

    “Ha-Ha, you’re so funny” You sneered, eyes wandering back to him. He chortled, his smirk growing to a grin.

    “Was that why you fell for me?” You let your head fall back, groaning at his sickening tone. This time Paris burst out laughing, hiding her face behind her hands as she tried to control herself, pinching her nose right after and giving up, letting a satisfied sigh through her lips as she shook her head in amusement.

    “Not at this level of friendship yet” You warned him jokingly, watching as Mr.Lee finally arrived, smiling at everyone and waving, greeting you all. He snorted, nodding in agreement as he fixed his attention to the Professor.

     It was just like any other day.

     Professor Lee resumed his previous classes, going on and on about human emotions and how each one of us can have an impact on one another. As usual, you noted everything down, occasionally looking at him, pencil tapping your lips as you thought about what he just said, and scribing down your own observations on the notebook. Paris and Hyunjin once in a while voiced their thoughts to Mr.Lee, and usually, you would follow them but this time something different happened.

    You agreed with Hyunjin.

    You raised your brows when you opened your mouth and he interrupted you, not noticing that you wanted to add something to the discussion, and said exactly the same thing you were going to say. You chuckled, which didn’t go unnoticed by either your friends or Mr.Lee, who promptly smiled at you, gesturing your way.

    “Do you have something to say, Ms.Y/N?” He asked calmly, interested in your reaction “I must say I was kinda disappointed you didn’t try to discuss anything today” He smiled fondly, crossing his arms and leaning back on the board, waiting for a heated debate as usual.

     “Actually, Professor…” You laughed, a soft bark that made him look at you in wonder “I’m with Hyunjin on this one” You admitted. Professor Lee looked at you in genuine surprise, mouth agape for a moment before he chortled, nodding in acknowledgment, eyes glinting in amusement. You got a glimpse of Hyunjin’s head snapping your way, utterly surprised by your statement while Paris hid her mouth, smiling knowingly.

    “I never thought this day would come but I guess getting to know each other helps the relationship” He joked, waving dismissively before returning to his speech. You tried to keep your attention on your notes but Paris nudging you with her elbow and Hyunjin smirking smugly didn’t help much, so you eyed them impatiently, dropping your pencil to the paper.

    “What?” You hissed, rolling your eyes, expecting their teasing.

    “Are you trying to steal my man?” Paris asked in a feigned outraged tone, voice low to not be caught by the Professor, making Hyunjin snort, lowering his head to the desk, body trembling as he tried to muffle his laugh. You smirked, shaking your head in amusement as you picked up your pencil again, holding your laugh.

     “Yeah, totally” You agreed, laughing through your nose, rolling your eyes playfully. Hyunjin lifted his torso, resting his elbow on the desk and cupping his cheek as he looked at you suggestively, a grin playing on his lips.

     “I have to let you know that I’m faithful to my girlfriend” He joked, hand resting on Paris’ shoulder to claim her as his fake girlfriend. Paris grimaced, shaking her shoulder so he would drop his hand, which he did promptly. You darted your eyes between them, lacing her shoulders and bringing her closer to you so the situation could be less awkward, flashing him a mocking smile.

    “Oh, you sure are” You taunted “You’re even buying me stuff behind her back” You joked, and he rolled his eyes.

     “Please, it was just a coffee” He defended himself, and Paris giggled, turning her head to him but before she could say something he added “If it’s all it takes for you to fall for me I’ll fill you with coffees” He flirted jokingly, making you roll your eyes and scoff while Paris chuckled at you. Your chat was cut down by a warning glare from Mr.Lee, and the three of you pursed your lips, going back to pay attention to the classes.

 Wednesday

    You sat down, watching as Chan looked through the menu even though he always ordered the same stuff over and over again. You figured he just did it to tease you at this point, knowing you felt shy to blurt the order out since he was the one who was paying. You crossed your legs underneath the table, hands caressing the silky tablecloth, feeling its texture as you wondered if they really needed to make such high-quality stuff like that just so kids would spill all their sauce on it.

    “If all Mr.Lee’s classes are teaching me anything, I’d say you need someone to hook up or something” Hyunjin teased you, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back on his chair, not giving a shit about behaving like a rich kid “Not even the poor table can escape now” He gesture to your hands and you stopped straightening the fabric for a moment, hands still on the table.

    “Aren’t you too interested in my love life lately?” You arched your brow, looking at him smugly “I thought you only cared about your beloved girlfriend” You added, flashing Paris a smile, one that she promptly returned before giving him a teasing look.

    “He has been too interested” She agreed, leaning forwards, eyes focused on him expectantly, “I think we’ll have to break up, sweetheart” She pouted, feigning disappointment as she gave him puppy eyes that made him scoff.

    Chan frowned, raising his eyes from the menu.

    “That’s right, I’ve been hearing this shit around” He joined, wavering his eyes between Hyunjin and Paris “Are you guys dating or something?” He asked curiously, making the three of you laugh. Who would have thought you would be laughing along with Hyunjin after all those years? Chan raised his brows, judging all of you, but he didn’t return his look at the menu, waiting for some explanation.

    “I don’t know why the fuck people think we’re dating” Hyunjin answered him, shrugging as he looked at Paris in deep thought “I mean… I heard something about Friday’s party but I don’t know what made people think I’m into her” He mused.

    “Oh, thank you!” She mocked, grinning at him in feigned pain, hand going to her chest “It’s nice to know I’m not worthy” She joked, and Hyunjin rolled his eyes at her.

    “That’s not what I meant, okay?” He sighed “I mean that we didn’t even talk! I just drove you guys there and took you home… I mean, Y/N was together and nobody is saying that we’re doing a threesome” He reasoned.

     “People know we don’t get along” You reminded him.

      “Oh, so you’re not against threesomes?” He smiled knowingly, blinking at you a few times in mock innocence. You rolled your eyes, looking at Chan before pointing at his friend.

     “Please, control your friend” Chan chuckled at you but didn’t say anything, resuming his studies at the menu “Can’t you interact like a normal human being, dude? You’re such a flirt!” You complained.

    “I’m not flirting” He scoffed, resting his face in his hand as he put his elbow on the table “You would know if was flirting with you” He added, giving you an obnoxious smile.

    “Well, I can’t remember a thing about Friday’s party” Paris mimicked Hyunjin’s position, twisting her head at you as she did, ignoring him completely “Are you guys sure that nothing happened?” She asked, eyes fixing on you for a few moments before fixing her gaze on Hyunjin.

     You snapped your eyes at him, worry painting down your face as you expected him to not speak a thing about her slip up about Han. You held your breath in, eyes glued to Hyunjin’s mouth, attentive for any trying to mention Paris’ crush or anything similar to this. Hyunjin opened his mouth, unaware of your concerns.

      “Well, I carried you?” He shrugged, and you sighed relieved, feeling your body relaxing slowly “Then you said some interesting things…” He teased, and you didn’t even think twice before your leg uncrossed itself and jerked his way, kicking him under the table “Ouch!” He snapped his head up, startled, hands going to cupping his knee as his face twisted in pain.

     “Sorry, It was for Chan” You smiled apologetically, glancing at your friend that suddenly raised his head from the menu again, frowning at you in confusion “Let’s choose something quickly, I’m hungry” You changed the subject, fixing your gaze now on Chan, not missing the way Hyunjin rubbed his legs, pouting at you.

    “Wait… What interesting things?” Paris asked, not buying your attempt to distract her. You darted your eyes to Hyunjin, and this time he seemed to notice your worries, snorting before sending you a look to calm you down.

     “You said you loved me” He explained, sustaining your gaze for few seconds before looking at Paris, letting you know that it was all he was going to say. You sighed again, moving your eyes to Chan, who studied you silently.

     “I was thinking of getting something different today” He explained himself, lowering the menu to the table, showing his whole face to you “To celebrate your new… Friendship or something?” He eyed Hyunjin in doubt, wondering if he could call both of you friends, and you chuckled at him.

     “Celebrate our new something sounds nice” You admitted, “So that’s why you’re looking at the options like your life depends on it?” He smiled sheepishly and you let a wholeheartedly laugh out, getting Hyunjin and Paris’ attention.

     “You’re so cute together” Paris voiced her thoughts, smiling fondly at you two, which made both of you roll your eyes and sigh.

    “Will you ever get tired of this?” Chan asked displeased, looking at Paris as if she had one brain cell struggling to survive “We’re just friends” He added, handing the menu to you, giving up on choosing something new “Just pick up whatever you want, I can’t decide on anything” You took the menu, furrowing your brows as you looked at the options.

    “I’m not saying you guys should date! I’m saying you’re cute friends” Paris defended herself, leaning to your side, to look at the menu with you, grimacing just like you when you saw the prices “Holy shit, is that how much you pay every time we come here?” She raised her eyes, surprised.

    “They will try to choose the cheapest” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, taking the menu from your hands “It doesn’t even matter what we choose because they’ll like it… They can eat anything, I swear to you” He took a glance at the menu, humming when he found something that seemed to please him, raising his hand so he could order.

     “You’re not so picky yourself’ You taunted “Weren’t you the one who loved the hot dog stand?” You smiled victoriously but he scoffed, crossing his arms when he saw the waiter coming in your way.

    “When did I ever say that?” He acted dumb, raising his brows in feigned confusion. You rolled your eyes, waiting for him to order the food, speaking those strange French words that you would never try to pronounce. The waiter noted everything down, smiling politely and going away, as Hyunjin returned his gaze at you.

     “You called it good” You reminded him “Actually! You called it really good” You emphasized, crossing your arms to copy him, both of you looking at each other mockingly.

    “I’m sure I called it fine” He retorted.

     “I call you a liar” You scoffed in disbelief “You ate it like a child!” You accused, and this time he laughed at you, a teasing grin spreading on his face.

     “I call you delusional” He mocked “I’d never eat a stand hot dog like a child nor say it’s good” You rolled your eyes at him.

     “Really good” You corrected.

     “Really good” He agreed, smirking.

     “Chan, you ate those! Wouldn’t you call it really good? Isn’t he being an ass?” You whined, nudging Chan under the table. He just rested his hand on his other one, watching both of you silently.

     “You just called me an ass?” Hyunjin asked amused “She called me an ass! Won’t you do something?” He nudged Chan, joining you in disturbing him.

     “Yes, I will call it not my problem” He grimaced, a half-heart grin on his face. You laughed, nudging Hyunjin this time, getting a knowing smirk from him. He leaned on Chan, resting his elbow on his shoulder and tilting his head.

     “Weren’t you the one who was so concerned about all our arguments?” He teased “I thought you wanted to be our dad or something” He added, making Chan roll his eyes again, sighing.

     “Now you’ll mock me for making you being friends” He whined, turning his head to Hyunjin and looking him in the eyes “You totally liked that hot dog, that shit is amazing” He finally stated, and you high-fived Paris, proud of your favorite stand being recognized.

    “Well, I’m glad you like my choices, Daddy” You laughed, and this time Chan snorted, shaking Hyunjin’s arm off of him and leaning back on his chair.

     “I’d be even happier if you choose not to argue about useless things and bringing me in” He gave you a fake smile, although you could see his eyes glinting in amusement.

     “I guess you’ll have to love me with all my flaws” You joked, making him chortle, nodding fondly at you.

     “Yeah, I guess I will” He gave in, smiling.

 Thursday

    Your week seemed to have at least 30 days inside it.

    That was how much work you had to do since Monday. You felt relieved as you finally finished your part of Mr.Lee’s project while you were working at the Library today, writing all the discussions you had with Paris through the week and all the points you and Hyunjin had gathered until now. Today, you just needed to take a break now that you finished everything you had to do for the day.

    As you approached the Hot Dog Stand, happy to see that this time it was way less crowded ─ Just a few people hanging around there─, you frowned at a tall figure looking around the options displayed, seeming really lost even though you only saw his back. You scoffed, shaking your head in amusement as you finally got to the stand, not even sparing him a glance.

    “Make it two, Mister” You asked, delighted as you felt him flinch beside you. You glanced at him, a knowing smirk on your lips, as you silently showed off to him, leaning against the stand and tilting your head to the side “Look who is here” You taunted, getting off on how he shrunk, clearly embarrassed.

     “Will I hear the end of it?” He whined, and you laughed at him, shrugging.

     “Who knows?” You grinned, turning your back to the stand and crossing your arms, leaning on the stool there “I thought it wasn’t fancy enough for your rich ass” You teased him, and this time he snorted, shrugging back to you.

     “You got me, I really loved it” He admitted “I was just teasing you yesterday… That’s what friends do, right?” He risked, and you smiled at him, this time no teasing on your face.

     “Maybe a little bit too soon?” You said playfully, getting a light kick on your foot as an answer “You can just order a ten when you come here by yourself” You instructed him, and his eyes lit up immediately, a bright smile making way to his lips.

     “Oh, thanks! I was going to ask for a usual but then I was like” He chortled before continuing, making you laugh “I just came here once the man won’t even remember me” He laughed at himself, leaning on the stool next to yours.

     You fell into silence.

     It wasn’t really an awkward silence but it wasn’t completely comfortable either. You glanced at each other once in a while, wondering if you should try to make some conversation up but letting it go, waiting for your order to be ready. As soon as the employee called you, giving the orders, you gave him enough money to pay for the both of you, and Hyunjin frowned at you.

    “I will pay mine” He said but you nudged him with your foot as you fixed your food to take a bite.

    “It’s a payback for the coffee” You stated, chewing your hot dog. He looked at you uncertainly, taking a bite of his own, and you rolled your eyes at him “I can pay for two hot dogs, Hyunjin” You chuckled. He waved his hands effusively, widening his eyes, and shaking his head eagerly; clearly nervous with how you took his hesitance.

    “No! That’s not it!” He reassured, swallowing down his food, almost choking on it ”I just… I don’t know, it’s strange to be treated like this” He shrugged “I’m not used to it” He admitted, and you nodded, imagining that being rich had made him pay for a lot of things for his dates.

    Not that it was a date.

     “Oh! Are you really going to Han’s match tomorrow?” You asked curiously, suddenly remembering their bickering from the last week. He nodded while taking another bite at his food, stocking it on his cheeks and cupping his mouth to answer you.

    “Yes, Paris is really excited I’m going with you guys… I guess she’s happy seeing us getting closer” He declared, shrugging “Or maybe she’s really into me and just blurted out his name for no reason” He joked, and you laughed along with him.

    “No way” You shook your head, disagreeing with him “She didn’t even let you touch her shoulder and she let Han throw his arm around her… She totally likes him” You stated, and he hummed, pondering.

    “Or maybe she’s just shy and doesn’t know how to take my touches” He suggested, and you rolled your eyes.

     “Anyway, so you’re coming with us” You brought back the subject not so subtly, making him grin, wiggling his brows.

     “Are we jealous?” He teased, making you scoff.                      

     “Yeah, I’m even turning green” You extended your arm for him to see it, and he burst out laughing “It may also be because you make me sick” You said playfully, and he pushed you lightly, still laughing.

    “Hey! You’re mean” He whined, and this time you smiled at him, amused.

    Indeed a strange amicable week with your ex-nemesis.

                                                      ////

Tagging: @thatrandomoneinthecorner

[newcolonies]

Someone You Loved

A/n: Here we are, another fic for the books. So basically, Ethan comes back from the Amazon, and Casey (mc) is quite angry about the matter. Here is my version of how the confrontation went down! Enjoy! 

Also a BIG thanks to @aylamwrites and @caseyvalentineramsey for pre-reading and making sure it wasn’t complete trash!

Tag list:  @openheart12 @queencarb @junehiratas @lilyvalentine @kaavyaethanramsey @tsrookie @caseyvalentineramsey @rookieoh @trappedinfandoms @lion-ess24 @rookiemarsswiftie @schnitzelbutterfingers @aylamwrites @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble

*If you would like to be added or removed from the list just let me know.

Wordcount: 2,539

*All characters involved in this story are owned by PB

Title inspiration: Someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi

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Ethan walked into the hospital, he could feel his body shudder as the automatic doors welcomed him inside. The air was cool and crisp, the smell of cleaning products lingered heavily. He took in a deep breath, allowing himself to fill his lungs with this familiar smell. It smelt like home.

“My son, welcome back! How was your stay in the Amazon?” Naveen asked as he walked up to Ethan. The old man had a large grin plastered on his face. Ethan had been gone for two months, but he still had missed Naveen immensely. And due to the poor cell phone reception, the two haven't talked at all since he had been away.

“It was amazing,” he began, “it was quite the learning experience, I may add. It brought a new perspective to our job.” Ethan wore a large smile on his face. He had already begun to miss the Amazon. He had come to love the area and the people that he met during his stay. “How have things been while I was gone?” 

“Everything ran quite smoothly! Though-” Naveen said his smile slowly fading into a serious grimace. “Ethan, I don't mean to be rude but you should go talk to Casey. She has been considerably down after you left,” he said in a deep whisper. “She hasn't quite been herself since you left.”

A pang of guilt washed over him, he had tried his best to keep that name out of his head. Hearing her name sent a shiver down his spine. Ethan left without saying anything to Casey, not even a single goodbye or explanation. He knew that she would hurt, but he still felt the need to leave without saying a single word to her. After all, the whole point of going to the Amazon was to reset the relationship with Casey to a professional level once again, and saying goodbye would have made it more difficult for him to finally leave.

Though Naveen was right, she deserved to see him, she deserved to know why he left. “Yea, I should. But I don't know if I can face her, Naveen.”

Naveen lay a hand on the young doctor's shoulder. “Son, you must face the things you believe you cannot do because that is how we grow. Go easy on her, explain how you are feeling, and why you left.”

Ethan nodded his head. Naveen had reassured Ethan, he felt confident, although he knew that every bit of confidence would disappear when he saw her. “Thank you, Naveen.” he offered him a brief smile to show his thankfulness for the old man. He assumed that she had been in the diagnostics office, most likely hunched over a file. The walk to the office felt like a mile. Nurses and doctors greeted him and welcomed him back as he walked. He felt everyone's eyes burning holes into him, making the trip feel impossibly longer.

Soon Ethan was standing at the door of the office. The nerves began to build up inside him, he felt like a rag doll. He knew this was going to go badly, but it had to be done. He swung the door open and walked in, allowing the door to shut loudly behind him.

“Oh, hey Baz,” she said without looking up from the file in front of her, “I forgot to ask, but can you take these files to the front desk,” she said, grabbing a stack of papers from the desk and looking up at the doorway, her voice trailed off. “Ethan?” she shook her head in disbelief.

“Hey Casey,” he replied, pulling a hand through his thick hair, he shifted his weight uncomfortably. He felt suffocated, like the walls of the office were closing in around him leaving only him and Casey alone in a cramped room, together. “How was the Amazon?” she roughly said.

“You knew that I went to the Amazon? How?” he asked, confusion laced in his voice. He only had told Naveen that he would be going on the trip, but of course, rumors spread like a wildfire around the hospital.

“It's funny you should ask that,” she gestured towards the chair across from her. “You may want to take a seat.” Ethan nodded and sat in the seat across from her. He didn't dare to look her in the eyes, so instead, he glanced at the files she was looking over. He could only make out the word cancer, but everything else had been too small for him to read.

“Well, when I noticed you had been gone for a while I had started to worry. So immediately I went to Naveen, who of course told me that you had gone to the Amazon.” Casey sputtered, a small smirk developing on her face. Ethan looked up from the table and met Casey's eyes. Despite the smile she wore, her eyes told a different story, one that read of sadness and anger.

“Casey, I should explain-” He began to say. Knowing that he was the reason that Casey had been broken, made him feel shallow. He managed to hurt the ones he loved, and it seemed to be a task that he had done often. Maybe, he wasn't cut out to be in a serious relationship, maybe he was destined to be a grumpy doctor that pushed people an arm's length away. Ethan often doubted himself, but this was the only doubt that he truly believed. If he were, to be honest with himself, he knew he didn't deserve her, he knew that she could do better than him. But sometimes the truth hurts too much to be addressed.

“Ethan, I believe that you should have explained two months before now. You left without telling me, not one goodbye, not one text, not one call. You left me in the dust questioning if I had done something wrong or if you were alright. Ethan, I have been nothing but miserable these past two months. And it's all thanks to you,” she roared arrogantly. Small tears began to pour out of her eyes.

“Casey, there's a lot of things I should have done differently, I know, but I did this for you. I did this, so we would have a chance to reset before whatever this is,” he said waving a hand between the two of them, “got out of hand. We crossed a line, and I can't allow that to happen again.” he said quietly, he was trying to remain professional. He hadn't wanted to let on that he was hurting as much as she was.

He had contemplated coming home every day just to see her, and hold her in his arms. The only thing he had wanted to do was see her, but he had to stay strong and resist the urges, for her sake.

Casey gave out a small laugh, “We have to stay professional, but only when it's convenient for you, Ethan. You continue to lead me on, and then cut me loose whenever you feel guilty or overwhelmed by us. I can't keep playing these back and forth games with you. You either have me or I walk out of those doors and you can forget about anything we ever were.” she protested.

All Ethan had wanted to do was pull her close to him and hold her for the rest of eternity, but instead, he just sat there. He hadn't wanted it to come down to this, but if he had to lose her entirely to secure the safety of her job, then he was willing to do so. But God did it hurt.

“Fine, if that's what you want, then I'll respect that,” Casey murmured breaking the beat of silence between them. She grabbed her bag and headed towards the door. Ethan could hear her small sniffles and gentle sobs as she walked towards the door. “I hope you're happy,” she said and walked out of the door letting it shut behind her. He was everything but happy, he felt as if he had just been hit by a wrecking ball. He felt destroyed, he felt useless. He had just let the one he loved walk out of that door. He just let it happen.

Ethan sighed and slid his glance over to the piece of paper that she had conveniently left behind, no doubt she had done it on purpose. He reached for the paper, and unlatch his glasses from the hem of his shirt and began the tedious task of looking over the file. The name at the top read Kyra Santana. Ethan propped his head on his hand and continued reading through the file.

Kyra was one of Casey's best friends, she was skilled in the art of getting on Ethan's nerves due to her flirty personality, and her willingness to risk everything without a set plan had stressed Ethan out. But she was a genuine and kind woman, a perfect match with Casey's personality. But unfortunately, that same woman, the woman that everyone loved dearly, was dying. Ethan stared at the words on the file until they turned into a blur. Not only had he left Casey, but her friend's health was also declining. This information made him feel sick to his stomach. How could be so inconsiderate?

Ethan jolted out of his seat and went to find her. She may not want to see him, but he needed to be with her. He needed to tell her how sorry he was. He needed to tell her that he was there for her. He needed to make things right between them. Ethan looked down at Kyra's file that was crumpled in his hand. He walked down to room 34A and knocked steadily on the door.

“Come on in!” he heard a cheery small voice exclaim. He hadn't been sure if he was in the right room, but her tone of voice clarified all doubt that he had. Ethan walked through the door to be greeted by a small, frail woman lying in the hospital bed. Iv's and wires remained spread around her, connecting her to the large machines that sat humming lowly next to her. On Kyra's right sat Casey. She looked up at him briefly, before looking back at Kyra, her attempt at avoiding any contact with him.

“Hey Kyra, I hope you don't mind if I take Casey for a second,” Ethan spoke lowly.

“Oh, that's no problem, you two have fun!” she exclaimed all but subtly. “And if you could bring her back before I- you know,” she motioned her hand in a line across her neck and stuck out her tongue. Casey shot a stern glance at Kyra before heading towards the door with Ethan. She hadn't fought him, she never refused, she just walked through the door with him.

Ethan shut the door slowly and took in a deep breath before speaking, his attempt at clearing the fog that had occupied his mind. “Casey, can we please talk about this,” he calmly said.

“Talk about what Ethan? How you left me for two months, or how my friend is knocking on death's door?” she said in a high-pitched voice. Ethan could still see the makeup smudged under her eyes from when she had cried earlier. “Or shall we talk about how you just let me walk out of those doors?”

“Casey,” Ethan said defeated. “I wanted to stop you from walking out of the doors. I wanted to tell you that I was leaving. There are so many things that I had wanted to do differently.” “And why didn't you? Because you're too professional? Because you're concerned about my job rather than my happiness? Which will it be Ethan? I've heard your excuse two too many times.” She spouted coldly.

Ethan felt a nip of pain as the words escaped her mouth. Unfortunately, everything she said had been true. He sounded as if he was a soulless monster, and perhaps he was. He had decided that he needed to be honest with her because that's what she deserves, that's what deserved two months ago. “I'm terrified. I feel weak, I feel vulnerable. Casey, I'm in love with you and that's exactly what terrifies me. I have never felt this way about anyone, this is new and it scares me. I'm scared of messing up, and hurting you even more than I have already.” He felt small and exposed.

“Ethan, I love you. I always have, I never have given up on you. I know truly that we can make this work if we tried. But you have to stop avoiding the inevitable, it truly only makes things worse.” Casey softly said.

“I'm so sorry, Casey. I want to make us work, I do.” Ethan exclaimed.

“I want to make us work too. And we can, but we have to face the reality that we might get in trouble for this,” she said, motioning between the two of them, “But I know that I am so willing to face those consequences, even if that means I get to be with you for a minute of my day.” she stated with a small smile.

Ethan nodded his head in agreeance. He finally had understood what he was feeling. It wasn't just the love that he felt for this woman, it was gratitude. It was the appreciation he felt every moment he saw her. It was the way he lit up every time he was around her. He understood that these feelings are not ones that should be feared, yet these are the feelings he needed to embrace.

He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him as Casey responded by wrapping her small arms around his neck. He pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and guided her face to his before their lips met. The kiss they shared brought life back to the two doctors. He felt the tension that was building up in his body convert to mere bliss. Casey smiled against his lips before she pulled away and stared at Ethan, joy prevalent on her face. She laid her head on his chest, clinging on to him for dear life.

They stayed like this for a while until the moment was soon ruined by the faint sound of clapping in the background. Casey broke from Ethan's grip, only offering him a puzzled look. She opened the door to Kyra's room curiously, to see her clapping her hands fervently a large grin on her face.

“That kiss was hot, it was almost movie-worthy,” she happily said. Ethan rolled his eyes in annoyance, but the smile he was trying to conceal had come out. He was the happiest he had been in a while.

Despite Ethan's obvious annoyance, Casey burst out laughing. “It was wasn't it,” she exclaimed proudly grasping her hand in Ethan's.

They were happy, and that's all the mattered right now. He knew there would stumbling blocks ahead, but for now, he was going to enjoy the small moments, because when he left her he found out that those moments are the ones that he treasured the most.

[commonalex]

future ready

future ready by common alex

Listen/download: future ready by common alex

It was around three months after I've been fired. I didn't dare to talk about it much, but it wouldn't that much of a mystery for someone to figure out why the short chick with the plaited hair isn't on the cash register giving wrong change to the old ladies anymore. To be perfectly honest, I was pretty devastated that I managed to fail even at working at the supermarket, where all you needed to get a grip was knowing how to count, wearing an "Olga" tag like a war medal, and acting like everything's okay at all times. Maybe that's why I ended up sneaking into it like a thief that day, out of stubbornness. It was the last sense of routine I had while everything was going under outside the window.

I could barely get out the bed before four in the afternoon. And when I did, all I had planned was dragging my body before the tv to catch some telemarketing and dumb commercials until the sun was out again and I successfully forgot who I am and what I'm going through. Because what other choices did I have really? For the last two years I was jumping from one dead end job to the next, either until I get fired or until I quit. I was leaving on benefits and a sad amount of savings, and I was starting to accept the fact that this would be my life from now on. Like, what else did I really have to rely on? Studies? Big deal, the world wouldn't end with just one english teacher less. Friends? Don't get me started. Family? All I was left with was a mother with a mission to make me feel horrible every time we spoke on the phone because I wasn't bothering to go see her. But even if I did, what would I have to say to her? I was mentally collapsing. So I said "leave it for now" and kept the thought pushed back for later. That's the reason why on that particular day I didn't pick up whenever my mom was ringing this cherry ericsson I had at the time. It wasn't like I really needed to answer, I already knew everything by heart.

"Have you seen how this girl you used to hang out at school does lately, Olga?".

No, mom, I haven't. It's been like ten years since I finished school.

"She's studying this thing you used to like, she got settled, she even has her own house".

Well done for her I guess, and?

"And you?".

I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life anymore, mom.

"But don't you ever think about your future?".

My long awaited future, huh? What a glorious future that was. It was so good, half of the people I used to know didn't make it halfway through.

Outside things were a bit more casual that the deep existential turmoil that was described by the news at the time, yet I was indeed shocked by that eerie amount of silence that was stretching through the cold winds that was piercing my purple coat. I could hear a tv screaming from two blocks away and the screeching roars of the phone lines echoing around the city, but there was barely any human voice left. I was only catching some mumbles and grunts here and there as I was jumping out of fear every time I had to turn around a corner. So it was just like everyday Athens, only with a little more of snow and fear of getting mugged. My social atrophy made me feel like I was being chased as the surrounding landscape was rapidly being stripped from anything that was reminiscing of a typical day. Like, that was the first time I ever saw people looting kiosks and butcher shops. I only managed to see like three to five people with their backs hunched, covering their faces while carrying those huge gray tv screens with the vhs player still attached or fifteen bags of chips, with their eyes moving around uncontrollably. All I had in my mind seeing these scenes was the word "brutalization". Maybe because all this time I wasn't fully aware of what was going on, or maybe because the news told the truth for once.

I snuck from the side door where the staff entrance was, because all the glass on the front of the supermarket was smashed to pieces and I didn't like the thought of my hands sliced open. It was a mess on the inside and the aisles stood empty like sad metal canyons. People must have broke in trying to get all the toiler paper and canned foods left in the previous weeks. From the expired milk bottles at the back to the unstoppable static noise of the refrigerators in front of me, there were all those special little touches to make me feel like I was working in this hole of a job again. And no, I did not bother searching for supplies. Instead, I walked around like I was out shopping with my mom, opening the boxes of the diabetes flavored cereal that no one bother to take, just to steal their toys. I also found a bunch of unopened boxes of the supermarket's very own faux chocolate milk (yes, the one with the dark industrial waste left on the bottom) that was probably expired as well. But, I was a lady, right? So I took some of them to the cash register, because Olga ain't no petty thief. I got around my place of work and scanned the bottles to find out that they cost something less than three hundred and seventy-five million. "Luckily, I don't have to calculate any change now", I thought. Never before have I ever experienced such relief while being there. I was sitting in the same place I was rotting for hours before the world turned to shit, and I was patiently waiting for a huge line of old ladies to pop out of nowhere just to ruin my vibe with their pension money bills. I almost started to miss all of those stuff. This must meant that things have really turned to shit.

The new millennium have begun just like any other year, against the disappointment and secret eagerness of some people. All that screaming about the revelation, the second coming of Satan, the aliens, and the revolution of the machines faded miserably as the days went by and absolute destruction was not to be seen. Yet, at least. Because the first planes that crashed mid-flight in South Africa and Indonesia didn't appear before the end of January, but all were like "okay, technical problems". And when missiles were accidentally landing on Iraqi cities, people were like "well, what to do, technical problems yet again". Only when the bank deposits got erased people started to cry and run like headless chickens. Young people now would call me cynical, but you had to be there to see it. It was crystal clear that people had all of their hopes and dreams for tomorrow stored into a single digit of a computer. A kind of tomorrow which was now failing to promise anything anymore in front of millions of simultaneous personal bankruptcies. Then the reactors in Italy exploded due to a system failure and tomorrow officially died. This tomorrow that we were told would bring everything to us, from cancer treatments to all of Britney's music stored in a tiny mini-disc. From flying cars to underground metros. From huge tv screens for each living room to the giant digital information highway better know as the INTERNET. Nowadays all of these sound so silly, but the pain in the faces of people from the betrayal of their dream did not seem to go away. Until mid-February, everyone lost their minds. Those who saw all of this coming ran away in fear of the new Chernobyl to leave the rest of us behind to die. Shops, services, offices, all ceased to have any actual reason to exist in from of the impending disaster. All you could see around anymore were padlocks, deflated bodies on the street from people that couldn't take it anymore, and some shadows of people left to wander like animals while pretending to be alive. Maybe that's why the tv was constantly playing commercials and other irrelevant bullshit during all of this, it was the last useful thing they could show to the people that were preparing for the grand finale.

But that grand finale wasn't so tangible for me. Everyone had this type of end predetermined, but this panic of theirs seemed more like a slightly less shallow version of the preexisting self-preservation to me. I wasn't convinced by those who screamed that the world was over simply because it already happened to their world. Like, just as Rome wasn't built in one day, their illusions weren't shattered overnight. I mean, at that time the supermarket was filled with those obnoxious promotional banners featuring the new slogan that was everywhere lately, before things change for the worse. They had the "FUTURE READY" catchphrase in large white letters that spread noisy and ridiculous lacking any particular meaning as everything was collapsing. What future exactly was that slogan referring to? The future in general, as a concept of time and space? They wouldn't have thought that out that much. Was it the future of humanity from now on? I wouldn't be so concerned for this with all those rich fucks that had already kissed as goodbye from their shelters, we were far from being extinct and in maybe less that ten years we could wake up with someone like Will Smith ruling the world. No, the catchphrase probably meant that future with the flying cars and the internet. The future only fools would believe it would come (and yes, people actually believe that). That future we lost just as fast as we were promised for it.

So in short, we were crabs in a bucket, pulling each other down in excruciating depths. This wasn't living nor surviving; we more or less kept on functioning like bio-robots with depression. But for me, things weren't looking so grim. "Look at me", I would say, "I reached twenty-nine and haven't done crap to be proud of, I drink expired chocolate milk and I'm secretly glad the world is ending because every day was borderline unbearable for me anyway, so how good would the future be for someone like me?". Nowadays the denial of any form of reality in this reasoning stands out, but at that moment I was reaching redemption. I was now reassured by the thought of the end, acting like a barrier that could block this endless loop that was running relentlessly against me. "So finally", I said to myself, "let's calm down once and for all". I was spinning around in the cashier's chair like a silly kid and was finishing up the bottles of milk like there's no tomorrow, while convincing myself that once everything goes to hell, my torment is over.

My phone’s vibrating through my coat cut me off the carefree twirling around my craziness. "Mom" was flashing on the screen again, but by that point I couldn't be bothered for explanations. Still, the dialogue kept running automatically like a script inside my head.

"I just can't get you. Do you keep on acting unbothered by the world? Even now? Who are you trying to convince anymore, Olga? Me? Because I know you have roughened up out of fear".

Well, truth is I was actually fearing you would start with that kind of shit again.

"You are getting more and more difficult to talk to. You are basically denying something we both clearly see at this point".

We seem to say the same exact thing, ain't that something? I guess I was kinda doomed from the start to be and look just like you.

"You really do me dirty with all these conclusions you're drawing out of anger".

Okay, so what? Did you get upset?

"Why are you angry at me, Olga? Can I hear you say it, just for once?"

I don't have the time for this thing again, mother, I need to enjoy my remaining days over here.

"How much do you think this will last for you? When will you stop stalling and start looking after you and your future again, Olga?"

What future do I have, really, are you kidding me?

-Are you talking to yourself, ma'am?

I almost slipped out of the chair. I had never experienced such horror before. I was barely held off the bench to help me  get up again slowly with my heart sinking to my stomach, only to see a little girl with plaited pigtails looking at me half-frightened. She wasn't over nine years old, judging by the face and the childish dress she wore under this puffy purple coat.

-Why are you here? Where are your parents?

-Over here, come and take a look! But mom told me not to talk to strangers!

That of course made zero sense to me. Just like it made zero sense for a child to be left alone in a destroyed supermarket with the sun setting outside. I asked for the girl's name, nothing. I asked again, she hid her puzzled frown behind her pigtails trying to playfully imitate my posture with her hands on my waist.

-I'm Olga, I work here. And you?

She started to say something and suddenly changed her mind, running like hell to the back. I was confused thinking how would I look like to someone who saw me chasing a little girl in there, but then I reminded myself that probably nobody would be left to live to the end of this month, so I wouldn't be considered crazy for too long. I began running under the flickering ceiling lights and with each step I had to swallow my vomit. This little girl felt sorry for me in the end and stopped to wait for me at the end of the far right aisle, leaving one sleeve of her huge coat to stick out on purpose. I approached with an awkward smile and glanced at the strange grace she had on her face, with those weird baby hair that can't be caught for nothing in plaits pointing upwards. Despite my awkwardness, the girl stood unworried and expressionless as if I put her on timeout. I asked her name again. She slips away from a second time and runs like the wind, squealing something at lime while zigzagging the aisles.

-You should probably pick it up!

My phone was stabbing my pocket. It was "Mom" yet again, but I really wasn't in the mood for "Mama". I had to pick up my lungs from the floor at the top of my priorities, because this little devil wasn't running but galloping like a damn horse. I finally caught up with her in the aisle with the products of the day and tightly grabbed her by the shoulders. The little devil screamed and was banging her feet in pain. My hands had been too coarse for people after all this time.

-Hey, ma'am, did you get angry? I was just playing with you.

-I'm don't have time to play right now, please go to your mom.

-But I told you, My mom's right here.

"Where is "here"?

With just one finger sticking out of the sleeve, she pointed to the right middle shelf at the end of the aisle. She put her finger before her mouth to stop me from talking and I followed her on tiptoes. When we approached the end of the aisle and my eyes got used to the darkness I saw a woman laid inside the empty shelf. She was in her sixties and wearing an old black nightgown with holes on it. From her short hair down to her nails, there were ice flakes stuck everywhere as if she was just found buried in the snow. Her face with her eyes closed was carrying such an expression of pain and torment. I was so weirded out that something made me want to follow those ice streams that filled her skin's scratches with my fingers, however her body felt so stiff I jumped back. She looked more like a porcelain doll than an actual person.

-Ma'am Olga? Are you alright?

I threw up all the chocolate milk I drank. My body got the chills and my teeth were trembling so much that my breath was coming out in sharp puffs in front of the flickering lights of the refrigerators. I must have look like shit, because I scared the little girl for good and made her get five steps back from me while I was going crazy and trying to clear my eyes from the shock.

-Why is she here?

-Nobody wanted her. Nobody called to take her.

I didn't pay much attention. I pulled out my cherry ericsson to call for help, but the chaotic hum of the phone lines echoed in the aisle before I even put the phone to my ear.

-Who put her here?

She was just staring at me. I asked again and again. She let her lower lip half open. I grabbed her by the shoulders like before and she pulled out a choked scream due to my clumsiness. She started crying and feeling loose in my hands. It was then that I felt like something broke inside me and I crawled away from her because she would pass out in any second just by looking at the state that I was. I sat on the floor watching her wipe her tears from a distance, all while fixing her plaits and stressfully straightening the dress inside her coat. Every now and then she would throw these incoherent excerpts from conversations that seemed weirdly familiar, waiting for me to remember the answers I had given to each of the discussions. I felt sick, like my insides would explode at any moment. My mind was working overtime and I started seeing red. I understood, but I did not want to accept it.

"But how?" I was saying again and again. I can't just live through this stuff. I was thinking that maybe that's it, we are officially past this tomorrow. Maybe that was the end of the world and the time I had at my disposal. Only instead of cloud islands or pits with flames I was stuck inside this supermarket with a little girl and a dead woman. Was this fitting? Not really. It might be considered symbolic, but still not at all subtle. That's why I was stuffed with anger and distress. I couldn't digest what to feel after all that I saw. And what was the meaning of all of this? To make me feel remorse? To help me maybe? But how? So many questions hanging above my head I began to feel like I was melting from the uncertainty. Luckily, the little girl found some courage to pick me up from the floor.

-You still don't recognize her, do you?

-I recognized her just fine the first time.

-Are you sure, ma'am Olga?

-I don't know, what do you say?

-You tell me.

-We have to get out of here, kiddo. We can't get through it like this. Even now, with everything else going to hell with us.

-Do you really want me to come with you?

-I don't know. Maybe I want to, maybe I should.

The phone started screaming again. It was dimming "Mama" with small flakes of ice filling its broken tiny screen. The girl bent down and put this in my palm with no emotion on her face. I answered it. I waited for an eternity so thin you could fit it inside a moment like this. "Hello? Mom?". Eventually the same confusing static noise creaked from the other side of the call, and I stuck there waiting through the buzzing to find her smoker's coughing that she used to do before starting to complain about how I constantly forget about her. Waiting just to tell her that I was here, I was fine, and the world might not end there. Maybe, somewhere, somehow, there's even some future we can fit in it.

-So are we ready now, ma'am Olga?

-Ready for what?

She pointed at the banner hanging from the ceiling.

-Future ready.

I didn't catch my mother's voice at the other end of the line, of course. I hung up and weakly threw the phone on the shelf where the woman was laying, just to hear its dying snout. This felt way more fitting.

-Nah, not really. But it probably does not matter right now.

-But. I'm scared.

-I'm scared too, being in here and all.

-So when will we be back? When everything was normal again?

-"Normal" may no longer exist. We'll just have to see. For now, get up.

-You know better, ma'am.

-Ma'am my ass.

The little girl glanced just once at the self with the phone on and continue to walk with me, with her palm lost and warmed up somewhere inside my own palm. An analog clock on the wall pointed somewhere after nine o clock and the sky was bruised from the clouds that were pouring snow on everything around us. I put my hand with hers in the pocket of the miserable purple coat and lifted our hoods to escape the cold on the way home. I don't really remember how long we walked with our backs hunched over somewhere between the white and the gray. I only recall that we took the long way home, like a punishment of some sorts.

Thinking that I would never hear again the saltiness in my mom's voice was my most bitter torment. I never thought of such a possibility. I always had in the back of my mind that she would find a way to defy any rule of the universe, just so she could care for me. That's science fiction, after all. It seems I was holding on to my illusions for so long, so waking up hurts like hell even today. And if my mom died, I believe she must've left with that pain and concern during her last moments. "Look at me now", I catch myself saying here and there "I avoided her only until I had to mourn her". Until then, the only thing I had on my mind was working on what I should say when I would get asked about her, only to answer that we "fell off" with no emotion. What exactly happened to fall off with her would be like unnecessary little details. Still, to this day, that's exactly what I tell people when it's being brought up. I can't talk about it without sinking in remorse. I can't get the right words to come out anymore, not even by force.

Of course I tried to find her. Especially with the years that were to come upon me, I needed this to have my mind calibrated just to not go crazy over the batshit hysteria that was building up inside of me. Deep down, though, I knew I didn't have the courage to look at past trauma anymore, and I was secretly hoping I would never fine here. Maybe because the end of the world not coming anymore, at least as I thought it would, and now I have to live with it forever. Maybe because the worst that could have happened to me in the end was the postponement of the apocalypse. And this falls heavily on my shoulders to this day. Every day I have to justify why it was worth it to stay behind, either as punishment or by luck, trying to convince myself that there is something left to do with the leftovers of my future.

[ellaintrigue]

I've had health problems for nearly a decade now, stemming from urinary things. Things I would already have but on top of it I get kidney stones which is sadly genetic. I am on a diet for it but nonetheless I get the fucking bastards roughly yearly at this point. When I first started getting them I would jump in the horse bucket, which was always cold, to numb the pain. Last year I went to the ER with one and they found out I had passed it but it had, well, ripped up my pee hole. I was in agony!

So last week I didn't feel well, then got my period, still didn't feel well. Swollen ovaries and the OTHER shit I get (I have so much going on). Well, I got up one morning and just doubled over. I was having cramps almost as bad as when I went to the ER last September. Fuck! I was in intense, INTENSE pain to the point I was almost gasping. It lasted 20 minutes while I contemplated going to the doctor, then I felt cramped for 3 days after that.

Finally I figured out, or my best guess, was that the stone was in my bladder so I could barely piss for two days. I was miserable but just went to work on the computer as usual. The problem with these kinds of pains and also regular fatigue and my other issues is that it all makes me weak, dizzy, and unable to focus. So while I would most definitely call out of work at my previous, physical job, with the computer job I can barely work either because I have to read and write and well, my head is a blur. A lot of people, including my mom, don't understand that. Like hey, your job is just on a computer, why can you just sit and work?

The last night of this nonsense I got wasted which isn't great but holy fuck, pain. (I don't normally binge or get shit faced, believe it or not.) They gave me painkillers at the ER last year and I took them the day I had bad cramps but I am not a pill kind of girl. Only take that shit if you're dying. Plus the pee factor. I drink citrus, vinegar and all that but in the end nothing makes you piss like alcohol. I've literally used beer to push out a stone before because it makes me pee so much. And the real irony is that alcohol in general inhibits the development of stones. If I didn't drink I could very well end up with much bigger and more problematic stones. Obviously no one should drink but sometimes life has its laughable moments.

I was in pain the whole night despite the booze which means it was pretty bad and the next day I woke up bleeding. I had finally passed the motherfucker without going to the ER to whine. Woo hoo! Now to look out for infection. People have told me to go to a specialist, blah blah but I already have and between that, my GP, and the ER I've had everything tested and I just have a weak bladder, messed up female parts, and scarring. So there's really nothing anyone can do since I don't retain urine or anything dangerous. I just have to live with it, which is fine, EXCEPT THE DAMN STONES which will happen anyway. All I can do is diet. There is no sure fire way to prevent kidney stones, especially when they run in the family.

I honestly think the worst part is that not many people really listen to me during these times because they either think I'm seeking attention or it's too much drama for them. All I told mom and other people was that I was doubling over in pain that one morning and was trying to get past it. I wasn't rambling in an emotional way or crying, just stating a fact when people asked how I was. Mom rapidly changed the topic while I was sitting there squirming and sweating (I mean she has fucking cancer so I probably shouldn’t even say anything to her about my issues to be fair). Then over the course of the day everyone stopped talking to me as soon as I mentioned I was sick except for my best friend who just changed the topic on me and another guy I talk to who was like, "wow that sucks, I hope you feel better!" That man had told me before how he hurt his leg and we have honest conversations. He seems really cool but at the same time I don't think I should have to be surprised when someone is nice or sticks around when I'm not having a good day. Again I wasn't screaming or bitching, just saying I was trying to pass a kidney stone and that I was hurting!

Years ago when I was with the ex before last I had an episode I get very rarely but is very agonizing. Doctors can't quite figure it out, they think it's something to do with a bad nerve near my heart if I remember right. Basically I feel like I have indigestion but the cramps spread throughout my jaw and shoulders. It feels like I'm being crushed and stabbed around my shoulders and I can't move or function, it's agonizing pain in waves. I normally just cry from the pain but it was fucking  ridiculous one night so I was literally wailing. All I could feel were these excruciating waves of agony from my jaw to my shoulders. So I was laying on the bed nearly paralyzed from it because every time I moved it hurt worse. And my ex started yelling at me to stop it. “Stop crying! Just stop this!!” Then he huffed out of the room angry and I literally forgot about him because I was in too much pain to care. He didn't calm down until I did, because he couldn't stand my cries of pain. He didn't offer to do anything to help.

In 2017 I got the same thing, RIGHT before my last ex came over. He texted me to unlock the door and the second he saw me he knew I wasn't right. I could only gasp to him that I was sick because of the pain again radiating around my shoulders making it so I couldn't move my neck. I choked out the my body was seized up and he instantly took action. He filled up the bathtub and put me down in it and started working his hands around my shoulders to try and loosen up my muscles or whatever was causing the pain. It eventually went away and I apologized for ruining the night. He said that I hadn't and that I was also never under any obligation to have sex with him. He said we could always do whatever I wanted, even when I wasn't sick. I will never forget his kindness because once when I was having horrible period cramps I had another ex tell me that he wished I could just fuck him anyway or at least blow him when I was sick. Sometimes it really does feel like most people only care about themselves.

[coconutsugacones]

BUGS BIRTHDAY "STASH"

san and I were cuddling on top of the couch, watching tiktoks and giggling, forgetting what personal space meant and then all of a sudden he He lifts up his white shirt off his body and came straight at my neck, attacking m with harsh hickeys

he took my shirt off and went lower and lower, kissing every inch of my skin. Normally I would have screamed at him to stop but these days my hormones have been acting on me and with all my emotions heightened, I start to enjoy it slightly moaning his name while my hans went up to his face he sliD my panties off and started slURPING up my insides like a slushie. It was when he started to suckk on my lil ball of nerves when the front door opened with an ASTrOmOnIcal Amount of force the door open bUrSt open and two clowns ran in. Two plump looking clowns in striped reD was all I saw for a few seconds in my aroused state. It was then I realised it was my two mates.

“just as it was getting good” i whispered to san as we tried to cover ourselves oP because we realized they we’re tryna film us to make a porno tape??. As Mals was trYnnA gesture at me to keep going, her clown nose detached off and rolled on to to sans ass.

mals tried to pick up her clown nose from sans ass but just ended up making it go further in his holé. "ahhh UhG" San let out a moan that I could only describe as something between an anime girl and a construction worker having a wank on his break.

now all 3 of us were gathered around sans ass, trying to get the clown nose outta his ass, we were working aT iT like a group of engineering students trying to fix a brokEn engine. Then rans had the absolutely thrilling idea of facetiming her bouyften Yuri for help getting it out. While I was trying my best to deter her away from that idea (cause hello that's mY BRO) San that mf spilled all his load on the couch

while ihu was busy trying to clean sans white mess up rans quickly called yuri up, knowing he had plently experiences with getting bALLs outta pacific holes

"yes it only works with strawberry ice-cream" we heard Yuri say. with that rans quicky went towards the fridge to look for the said icY GOodnESs. we were all confused with what yuri said, but at this point we were willing to try anYTHING to shimmy that ball out of there

"Shimmy yeah shimyy yeah shimmy yeah all allalassslll" San Started to sing. It was then rona’ came in with a bUCKet of the sweet stuff™️

She guided San to sit in the bucket and thanked the jeezis for his thin hips and snatched waist. The poor bOi was terrified as to why he was in this situation, calling for HOngJoon hyung even though he's hallways across the continent.

I was doing my best to comfort san, because even though he tried to play it off like it was cOOL*wink* i knew his ass was boutta freeze off

"okay next Yuri said we have to have one hand in the bucket with San" rans said "me MEEee" before I or anyone else could say anythinv, mals dunked her whole hands in.

mals instantly regretted dunking her hand in because it was colder than the mf nITROgen filled icecubes chan shoved up her vaheena the order day. Whilst mals was blowing on her hand as if THat will help we heard some pigeons from the balcony.

my whole face lit up when i realized my m8s were here for the rescue!

All three of us had the same idea and we ushered San in all his naked glory towards the balcony. "Okay San trust us this won't take long"

the pigeons gathered around san in a prayer circle and started chanting in some kinda weird oTher woRLDLY language that none of us had heard before. Slowly but surely the red nose started to slip out of san. This resulted in some ass simulations for the bOi and he stared get hard again, the moans now louder and echoing though the empty street

they all started to cheer clAP in joy, finally the ball was out! but wait what was that-

THE PIGEONS HAD ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED SATURN 🪐

And there was Saturn! Makinb his way downtown.

san started whIMpering in fear as he didn’t want another ball anywhere nEaR his ass after that traumatizing incident. So we all headed back inside and the pigeon follows us in probably wanting a snack for their hard work. RAns wasnt having any of it and dragged each pigeon one by one by their wings outside and made them drink the now melted ice cream from the bucket.

ihus cancer ass didn’t want her m8s to be drinking anymore of her fiancés gREASE and led them into her bed to sleep, because after all without them san would prolly still have a ball in his ass. The pigeons were all drenched in the pink liquid but they all laid down on my bed like the good slavs they were. as i put the piegeons to resting, i realized we had to do suMN about this wandering satURN 🪐

I went out to sitting room to discuss what we should do about saturn and nealrh choked out sans cum from last night case there was saturn, leaning against the kitchen door just chilling on one leg

“sup ladies” saturn beybe-nim said with a wiNK as he started to hoP towards us

"soo I was thinkinnn" Saturn started with his gay ass voice as he sat down at our table and started helping himslef to sum mashuni and roshi. before saturn could help himself to more of MY food i was coming @ him but then san pushed me aside and started walkin towards sAturn, dick first, at full speed.

"Omg I totally forgot about sans demon kink!" Mals exclaimed taking out her camer and going behind the couch for that "angle" or watever..

san didn’t heard her aNd tRIPPED on the ground, dick in fULL erection and this was when Saturns gay ass Approached him to sing "hey I just met you and this is crazy but hears my number so call me maybe" but san got propelled towards the ceiling from bouncing of top of dick

I had ENOUGH of him flirting with MY mans and went over there and slapped saturn across his smug face.

Saturn immediately burst into tears saying something about how "none of god's niggas can be gay in peace" but the real cAtASrophe was his tears were absolutely boiling hot and dissolving the living room rug

at that moment, san knew EXACTLY what he had to do before the whole place melted into nothing. He laid down in submission, ass up as mouth open for saturn-sunbaenims tears.

saturn immidiAtly stopped cRYING and came over and slAPPED sans ass, at this point we knew we were overpOwERED by saturn and had to let him have his way if we wanted to live.

Even though I would have never been okay with it I decided to let Saturn have a quickie with my mans.this whole thing was unfair and it was supposed to be MY bIrdthay.

My girlies were comforting me and all of a sudden saturn peeled his face off to reveal he was acTUALLY WOOYOUNG all along and said “no homo bro”

"wOOOYOJnG I'm AbOUTTA KILL YOu" I screamed while going after him with ae fruit knife.

then san turned towards me and repeated a quote by the god herself “it’s not cheating if it’s your soulmate”

At This point i had had enough and scrmead at EvErONe to leave so I can go back to my room and chill in the AC with my pink m8s

while i was having some time with the m8s I realized it wasn’t really sans fault, and he only did it to save all of us. Wooyoung was to blame! did he think this was funny to do on my special day?? me and the m8s were discussing a plan to prAnK him bacc. I knew San and all of the clowns were taking refuge in my parents room so I headed there

when i went in i looked around and didn’t see anyone?? was i blind? I could’ve sworn i heard them in there. Then I went to the balcony and saw rans giving wooyoung the actUAl devil a blowjob so I quickly turned around and saw San and mols on top of the ceiling fan.

this made me even more mad! before i could address any of the problems that were going on my m8s quickly flew in to coMMeNse THe plAn. They grabbed onto wooyoung and started flyING him out of the house as fast as they could and I turned to him and said “if you wanna be saturn so bad go live in space”

My m8s unbottomed his shirt and started to fly him out almsot naked. I laughed to myslef cause he'd be having his purple nips out for the public to see. everyone stopped doing what they were doin and came out to thr balcony to see wooyoung being launched into space. But I wasn’t done with them yet! rans was cheating on yuri, san kinda cheated on me but not really? and mols probably invoted wooyOUNg here in yhe forst place.

I called for a group gathering and picked up the melted ice-cream goo with all my might and threw it on towards the traitors.

they finally got what they deserved! or did they? I looked at them and realized they were kinda elEcTRICUTING?? what the actual fuck they weren’t my friends this whole time but ROBOTS.

I gasped and took a step back in disbelief. Were they the AI robots KQ sEan kIm-nim talked about? But how did he actually manage to make and send them here?

i was so relieved but scared at the same time, at least it wasn’t my friends doing all of theese shenanigans but where were my ACTUAL frens.

The robots were now going going haywire in my living room and I was left to my own devices (literally) to clean it up and somehow get rid of them before my parents cake back.I concentrated all my negative energy on them and actually managed to throw them out of the balcony

They landed on the street and dissipated into thin air. I heard a loud elphephantd noise and looked up to see balcony San but now he looks even more like real San!

every thing was such a mess and i knew I couldn’t do it alone so i called him over to help me clean up and maybe sneak out to fiNd my real frens after that

He did a lil salute and ran straight to my house. I was extremely glads that he didn't reject me but honestly thou I did my hair the night before and was feeling like a bOUjee bitch WHo COULD deNy Me AAhA

we quickly cleaned up and went to look for the huMAN m8s

Whilst we were walking his hand slowly slipped into mine and I almost gagged on mylsef.

then I remembered sAN and how dissapeted he would be and sadly broUGHT ma hans back to myself and went aloNG. Balcony San started talking bout how he was a new trainee ata Japanese company-

we wandered along to this dark, kinda scary lookin hALL? all the lights were off and I couldn’t see anything. My clumoy ass slipped in the shiny tiles and balcony chan was too busy talking about CoLOr changing pigeons to notice it

as i helped myself up, balcony san pushed me into this bALL piT and all the lights turned on! then i saw my m8s and as i was gonna run towards them to hUg them i realized they decorated the whole place for ma borthday!!.my HUMAN m8s, rona, mols and sAN that is akakka

There was this huge redvelvet cake and a small lil stage to the side. When the stage lightings cam on I SAW MF Ikon and they started singing their songs but rock version with AcTUAl live drums and guitars. then all of the ateez members also came up from backstage and they all started singing together. San gestured atme to come up

Ateeze and ikom collabed to make me a birthday ballad song and I was fully bawling my eyes out while stuffing the caked in. From the corners of my eyes j saw rans and mals having a swimming battle on the marbled tiles.

i brought them all in for a group hug, even wet ol rans and mols and i thanked them for this amazing gift! this shore was a birthday to remember

[klynn-stormz]

Alone with My Heart

I know I should be working on Legally Swan, I really should. It’s been a rough month and well... Do you ever have those moments where you need angst and sadness and then you just start writing?! Yeah that happened. I am only planning on maybe three or four parts (crossing my fingers and laughing at my naivety) Any way I made this. Let me know what you think :)

Found on AO3: 1 I

To say that Killian Jones had lived a hard life was an understatement; to say that he was miserable because of it would be a lie. Having experienced so much loss, most would wonder why he still had so much life in him. It had occurred to him a time or two, just how alone he was, when those times came, he did what he did best - found the closest bar and drank until he forgot again. At 6 he had lost his mother to cancer, never having a chance to know her, vague memories of her hugging him sometime assailed him in his lonelier moments. At 8 his father left Killian and his sixteen year old brother Liam, they were separated, placed into different families by an unforgiving government. Within a few years he had lost his whole world. Four years later Liam found him; Liam was serving in the Royal Navy and had hired a private investigator to find his little brother, and took him in.

Killian had never expected to have a piece of his family back, for months afterwards he would wake up with nightmares that he was alone again. 30-year-old Killian liked to pretend that those nightmares didn’t still come at him. He was 15 when a naval officer came to their apartment with a flag in his arms and a solemn expression, and broke his world apart again. Three years of being bounced from orphanage to temporary homes gave him even less of a sense of stability. At 18 he met Milah, she took him on a whirlwind of an adventure. She made him feel loved, feel important, like he was somebody. That fell apart too, when he found out that she was married, that she had a child, and that she would never leave her husband for someone like him. At 20 he took everything he owned and sold it, except for the boat he and his brother had bought when he was 13, and without a thought to anything else, he moved across the world, to Boston Massachusetts.

He was reminded very clearly of everything he had lost as he stood in his nearly empty apartment. What had he been thinking? For a moment he had had hope, had felt happy and loved and everything. He had moved here for her, he had done everything for her, but now looking back he felt so foolish. He had been stupid to think that anything special could stay in his life. He was just meant to be alone, was meant to stay unloved. Everybody left.

---

Killian met Emma Swan six months after moving there. She was two years younger, just out of the system, beginning her career as a bounty hunter. Their meeting wasn’t anything to set off fireworks too, it wasn’t a meet cute, it wasn’t movie worthy or worth mentioning at first. Both of them had walls miles high and pain they couldn’t seem to move past. He was having lunch at the park and happened to look up, seeing a man running a full speed towards him, he was interested enough to take a closer look, and saw the blonde woman chasing after him. Deciding to be helpful he stuck out his foot and tripped the man as he was passing. The man went flying, the woman—no the girl, she could not be more than 18 maybe younger— ran to him and pulled cuffs out of her bag. Killian’s eyebrows had risen and he watched with interest as the police eventually arrived and took the man into custody. She had briefly introduced herself and thanked him for helping. When she walked away, neither thought about it again.

Until a few months later when Killian had just finished his shift at the docks and went to a small hole-in-the-wall bar for a small drink, nearly 21 and the fake id worked well enough for now. As he was cooling down, he saw the blonde from the park, rather than the torn jeans and band t-shirt she wore a short, tight, red dress, her hair was curled around her beautiful face, green eyes gleamed as she took stock of the bar. When she saw him she blinked and then smiled, moving towards him. He let her make her way towards him and calculated what the look in her eyes meant.

“Hey, you’re the guy who helped me at the park right?” She asked, sitting down across from him.

“Aye, Love.” He responded. He wasn’t in the mood for conversations, nor for someone who was almost certainly a minor to flirt with him. He admitted his attraction to her, but he just could not bring himself to care about relationships, one night stands or anything of the sort. His hand worked well enough, and it didn’t rip his heart to shreds.

The blonde tucker a piece of her hair behind her ear while she eyes him carefully. After a brief glance towards the bar entrance, she took a seat and smiled apologetically. “I hope you don’t mind me sitting here, you don’t look in the mood for company, but in this stupid dress no guy is going to leave me alone. Mind if I just sit here?”

His eyebrow rose as he stared at her, then spoke bluntly. “Love, forgive me for being a little confused. You’ll have to explain why you are in fact, wearing that dress, in a dive bar all alone.”

Her lips quirked slightly. “I’m a bailbondsperson and tracking a skip. Supposedly, this bar is a usual hangout for the bastard.”

“I’m Killian.” He smiled and held out his hand. She took it and shook.

“I’m Emma.”

Well, that had the park incident making more sense. They continued to talk for the rest of the night, she occasionally would glance at the entrance to watch for the guy, whom, Killian had found out, had skipped out on child support a few to many times. They both got to know each other a bit more, talking briefly about why they were in Boston, not going to deep. It was the beginning of a friendship that lasted longer than anything Killian had ever know.

---

He cared too much about her to risk her friendship by making a move, though he was deeply in love with her. She had a few relationships over the years, each one broke his heart a little more than the last, he had tried relationships as well, but no one compared to his best friend. Whenever she was in a relationship he could see her pulling away from him, she wouldn’t text him for days, she would ‘forget’ about their movie nights; then, inevitably, she would show up on his doorstep, broken hearted and in need of comfort. And no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how her silence had torn him up, he let her back in. Because Killian Jones was afraid, it was not something he would ever admit to anyone, not even his Swan, but he was afraid. Of being alone, of not being good enough, of failing. He had built up his personality to protect himself, flirting, teasing, pretending not to care. Because he couldn’t take the fear, and he couldn’t bear to let anyone see it.

Of course, that’s not to say he didn’t fight with her. Having a relationship with Emma Swan was in no way easy. Both had had a rough life, both were fairly untrusting at first, it took a few years before either were ready to admit that the other was all they had. They still had their spats, but for the most part, as the years had passed, they had cooled down. She was his whole world. At night, after she had gone back to her apartment, he would lay staring at the ceiling, praying to whatever was out there, that maybe he could become hers. And unbeknownst to him, Emma was wishing for the same thing, dreaming about piercing blue eyes and whispered words of love.

---

It had been a slow Tuesday, Killian had finished up work on the docks late. Emma had the week off, having caught a lucrative skip the previous Friday. They were on her couch binging The Witcher on Netflix, a pizza box was on the coffee table, one piece of meat supreme left, two hot chocolate mugs were placed haphazardly next to the box. Emma was curled into Killian’s side (she claimed it was the most comfortable position, it helped that it got her closer to him). They were both relaxed and on the verge of sleep when a knock sounded on her front door. She groaned while Killian shifted up to get the door. Once he was standing Emma dramatically fell sideways on the couch and buried her face in a pillow.

“Make them go away.” She groaned, making him laugh.

He wasn’t sure what to expect when opening the door, but it definitely wasn’t a couple in their early 40’s, clutching each other’s hands. The man stood taller than the woman, around Killian’s height, his brow was furrowed as he took in Killian, and his arm tightened subtly around the woman. Killian saw a glint of a wedding ring, and the way they were holding each other led him to believe they were married. The woman stared confused at Killian, he could see worry flickering through her eyes.

“Can I help you?” Killian asked, slightly annoyed at the silence of the two.

“We’re looking for Emma Swan.” The man stated.

“We were told she lives here. Who are you?” The woman piped in.

“What do you need her for?” Killian felt an urge to protect her, something inside him told him that this couple was going to change everything.

“It doesn’t matter to you,” The man snapped. “We want to see Emma, now.”

Killian narrowed his eyes at them. “You’re not talking to her until you tell me why you are here.”

“Killian? Who’s at the door?” Emma called, she had made her way off of the couch and walked up behind him, staring suspiciously at the couple.

“They’re here for you, won’t tell me why though.” He spoke without taking his eyes of the strangers. His gut was churning with anxiety.

“Emma.” The woman whispered, her eyes saucer wide and quickly filling with tears.

“That’s me, what do you want?” The tears made her uncomfortable, she sidled closer to Killian, not out of fear, but for support for whatever was going to come.

“Emma…” The man cleared his throat. “We—we’re your parents.”

“Excuse me?” Emma choked out.

“It’s true sweetheart!” Said the woman, “We are your parents, oh honey look at how grown you are.” The woman’s tears finally spilled over.

“I—I can’t… I need to go.” Emma looked sick, she turned and ran to her bedroom. Killian looked back to the couple, they looked hurt, but he didn’t really care.

“Please, just give her our number. We’ve been looking for her for a few years and we want—“

“It doesn’t matter what you want, it matters what she wants.” Killian cut them off.

“Who are you and what are you to my daughter?” The man demanded.

“You don’t have the right to that question, you lost that right when you abandoned her. If she wants to talk to you she will. If she wants you to leave her alone, you will.” Killian took the offered number from the woman’s hand, shut the door in their faces. He set the number on the table as he passed and rushed to Emma’s room. She was sitting curled on the bed, staring at the wall. He sat down on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, curling her into his side. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need too. All he needed to do was sit right here and be with her, for as long as she'd let him.

[writeanapocalae]

Prompt; vampire in the apocalypse

I was NOT expecting this, in the least. I thought about it last night though and I came up with something I think you might like. Warning for body horror, objectification of human bodies, and suicidal ideation

He’d been hungry before. Hell, he’d starved before, far past thelimits of what would kill a man if he had been living at all. He hadbeen a ravenous monster, his body deformed, his eyes the color offresh bruises as the skin sloughed from his hands to make them long,narrow claws. He’d been trapped away then, too disgusting, had tobe destroyed, but there was nothing that anyone knew how to do inthose days beside lock him away.

It had taken adecade for his body to recover, a century for his mind.

He was shaking. Hisstomach was an empty pit. His ribs were jutting out and he wheezedwith each step. His hair was thinning and matted. He was stillstrong, but strong like a dog that plans to bite the hand that forgotto feed it for the past week. He didn’t know about his face,couldn’t see it, but he could imagine how gaunt he had become, howterrible.

He scoured thewasteland. He was always scouring the wasteland. He’d gone fromcity to city, or the ruins of them, looking. Looking for something toeat, looking for something that could kill him, looking for someother survivor. He’d made it this long on supermarkets, where themutated rats would gather to eat the remnants of humanity. They werell that was left, other than a few birds that he couldn’t hope tocatch.

He was carrion.

He had decimated thepopulation of three cities. Devouring the cancerous blood of all ofthe citizens, all of the small furry things that used to be calledpests. It had been four cities since he’d last seen another likehimself. He had killed her, done her a kindness, just as he had allof those before.

Back when they wereplenty, at the beginning of all this, when the war was won by thedead, their kind had slowly picked themselves back up, piecedthemselves back together, and made communities. It was the first timethey’d been able to, since the humans didn’t like when there wasmore than one vampire within a hundred miles of another. It had madethem nervous, made them too aware. So this was the first and tensionwas high and the food supply was low, dwindling by the day. They wereeating the remnants, sucking down hospital supplies and what animalsthey could find, until there was nothing left. And then they startedto starve.

Suicide wasn’t anoption. For most types of vampire it took a lot more than slit wristsor hanging to get the job done. They had to ask for help. They had tonail one another down with stakes, burn their own hands as they cutoff heads and filled them with garlic cloves, as they cut the bodiesinto pieces and tossed them into the sludgy, polluted water. Therewas no dignity in it, but it was better than becoming one of thoseRemnants.

He had always pickedthe short straw.

He had killed somany of his own kind that, at the end of it, there was no one left tokill him in return. So he wandered, day and night, wearing the cloaksof his friends, one on top of the other, stacked thick, to protecthis skin from the terrible sun. The ozone layer was practically goneand the sun would destroy him, turn him to ash, faster than it everwould have before, but then the moon would come out and he would beforced to put himself together again.

He’d seen ithappen before. Seen a lot of people try to end themselves that way.They didn’t survive coming back all the way, someone had alwaysbeen kind enough to kill them, to end the misery of their nervesstitching back together over the exposed bone.

There was no moremercy in this place. There was no more anything.

He didn’t have amap. He didn’t have anything to know where he was going. He doubtedthat a map would have helped anyway. So many of the cities had beenwiped out, just the foundations visible, from the missiles, thatheading towards anything specific was a waste of energy. He wentmostly by his sense of smell. It was stronger now, he could smell ifthere was blood miles away. It wasn’t congested by all of the lifearound him and it was honed by his hunger. He had smelled a lot ofit, coming from a direction that he assumed to be east.

By now it was sostrong, so thick, that he was moving at a half jog. He hadn’tsmelled something so strongly in a while, it was like a buffet, likethere was just so much food in the distance that he was salivating,his pupils dilating to take over the bruised whites of his eye. Therewas a hill ahead and he climbed it, gladly, knowing that there wouldbe food on the other side, juicy and wet and waiting for him.

He bellowed in painas the bolt struck him, wood and silver, shredding through hisshoulder. Fire tore through him, first from the silver and then fromthe sun, his skin, exposed from the hole, burning away, turning toash. The bolt fell to the ground at his feet. He covered the holewith one gloved hand, glaring at the sound of a crossbow beingreloaded.

There was a woman,with a crossbow, a bandanna over her face and goggles over her eyes,a scarf keeping her hair close. She was sensitive to the sun as wellbut she wasn’t like him. She was human. She was a buffet wrapped inclothe. He was salivating.

Behind her he couldhear people moving, more weapons coming out. He would have to movefast, dispatch them, bind them and force them healthy so that hecould feed. He could live forever, until the next lifeforms took overthe planet, as long as he kept this little group of survivors,huddled and hiding in the ruins of a city, alive and breeding.

Or, if he was lucky,they would kill him right then.

[maealbert]

Visitation // The Liaison

NEW!

A/N: Episode 7 of The Liaison. Took me long enough to get this posted. A/N 2: So I forgot to post this originally for New Year’s and I had a whole part typed up so now I’m re-doing it with something new. Get ready to see Lauren (Rose) again. Master List The Liaison

tag list:  @literallyreid @idkbutspencer @literallyprentissstwin @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @cynbx @tenaciousarcadeexpert @rawritsmolly @dontshootmespence @princesswagger15 @drspencerreider @illegalcerebral @marvelfanlife @rt8815 @punkpenguin2019 @extremeobsessions101_____________________

“Mom, have you seen my algebra textbook?” Julianne says poking her head into the bedroom.

“I remember correctly, you left in the kitchen last night.” Lucy responds as she finishes buttoning up her shirt.

“Thanks.”

Spencer steps out of the bathroom dragging a two year along with him. Isaiah clung to his shin not wanting to let go. “Are you sure you’ll be okay going to see Lauren by yourself? I can always take off as well be a consult by phone.”

“No, no,” Lucy says shaking her head. “I’ll be just fine going by myself. She can’t hurt me.”

“I know, I just… I just worry.”

“I understand,” Lucy says wrapping her arms around Spencer’s waist. “But I need to do this on my own. She’s my sister and there’s some catching up we need to do.”

“So she can say she told you so?”

“I don’t care. I just want to start fresh with her.”

“I still can’t forgive her for kidnapping Julianne.”

“It took me some time but she’s my sister, she’s family. Forgiveness is more powerful than resentment. Just keep that in mind.”

Spencer sighs. “I guess you’re right.”

“Aren’t I always?” Lucy says shooting a smirk. Giggling she leans up on her toes and gives him a kiss. “Now get going. You’re gonna be late for work. You know how Emily gets when we’re late to the briefing.”

“Oh that reminds me!” Spencer says snapping his fingers. “Andrew’s stopping by tonight to pick up the screwdriver.”

“Which one?”

“The Black & Decker one.”

“And why? Not that he can’t, but what’s the reason?”

“He’s building a wine rack for Emily after hers got ruined in her parents’ basement after the flood. But he’s giving it to her as a birthday gift, so you can’t say anything to Emily, got it?”

“My lips are sealed. Now leave! You’re going to be late!” Lucy says pushing him out of the bedroom. “Girls! Let’s go!” She calls over her shoulder.

_____________________

Stepping into the prison, the doors closed and locked behind her freezing her in her tracks. Taking in a deep breath, she walks up to the counter and flashes her badge before surrendering her gun. The gates buzzed before an officer pulled them open allowing her to go through. He leads her down the hall to the visitation room. Stepping into the room all eyes were on her. Several inmates seated at different tables waiting for their own visitors to come. She looked around the room until she saw her sister sitting at a table in the corner, her back facing Lucy. Walking over over to the table, she takes a seat across from Lauren

.“Alright everyone,” Garcia begins standing up from the table. “Our beloved liaison is currently out to tend to personal business so I will be your little birdie for this case. San Francisco is requesting our help. Police, although not released to the media, is calling our serial killer The Angel of Death. So far four people have been found buried along the riverbank. Two males, two females. All range from the ages of fifty to fifty-five.” Garcia starts to explain as she pulls up the photos of the decomposed skeletons. “Police are still digging around the riverbank for more victims is there is any more.”

“Why do they call the unsub ‘The Angel of Death’?” Emily questions. “Sam didn’t call me about this.”

“According to medical records,” JJ starts to speak as she reads through the case files. “All four victims were diagnosed with inoperable diseases. Tumors, cancer, etc.”

“So our unsub could be ending their lives before they even go naturally.” Rossi says. “If I ever get diagnosed with anything inoperable, God forbid, move me to Hawaii so it’s legal.”

“How long have they been dead?” Luke asks.

“First female, Sheila Wilks, died approximately ten months ago according to the ME. Then Alexander Knicks was two weeks after that and so on.” Garcia answers.

“We’ll continue the rest of the briefing on the jet. Garcia, you’ll be coming with us. Coop will be meeting us at their place in the city.”

“Ahh, Coop,” Rossi says chuckling. “One of the only other agents to defy Strauss.”

_________________________

Lucy stared at her sister. Lauren looked so different. Her hair was back to her natural color. Black. Just like Lucy. Her eyes bloodshot, as if she hasn’t slept since she’s been in here. She even had dark baggage under her eyes to match the bloodshot eyes. She looked thinner too. “I’ve missed you.” Lauren spoke as she stared at Lucy. “I bet you didn’t miss me though..”

“I course I did,” Lucy says. “You’re my sister.”

“But I took your daughter. I threatened her life.”

“I still forgive you.”

“I wish you didn’t.. I deserve it.”

“Yes you do. Everyone deserves forgiveness.”

“So I’m assuming you confirmed the truth, huh?” Lucy nods her head.

“I haven’t spoken to Olive since… Her doctor’s still email me with updates on her condition.. They still believe I’m her daughter.”

“How is she doing?”

“Her health is declining… She’s keeps asking about me and when I’m coming to visit. But she doesn’t talk about me as if I’m almost forty. She talks to me as if I’m the little girl she raised. They say that when she talks about me, she only talks about this one memory from when I was five…..”

// Struggling to stay on her feet while she roller skated down the sidewalk, Lucy huffs and lowers herself down to the concrete.It was an early July morning. Saturday morning to be exact. Lucy was only seven years old at the time and wanted to learn how to roller skate. She always watched her older brothers rollerblading up and down the cul-de-sac playing street hockey with their friends while she sat on the front porch dreaming of the day Olive would let her roller skate.Sitting on the sidewalk, she dropped her arms to her side as she lowered her in defeat. She unbuckled her helmet and tossed to the grass beside her. 

“Hey, what’s got you all down little sis?” Josh says as he skates over to her, his hockey stick still his hand dangling by his side.

“I can’t do it.”

“Hey, Josh! Come on bro!”

“Start without me!” Josh calls back. He turns his attention back to Lucy and bends down to be closer to her level. “Mom finally let you out on those old things?”

“She said if you and AJ could learn to skate in them, then I can too.”

“Well of course you can,” Josh says as he helps his sister stand to her feet. “It just takes practice. Don’t give up so soon.” He picks up her helmet from the grass and straps it onto her head. He tosses his stick and gloves to the yard and takes hold of her hands. “Come on, I’ll help you. We’ll start out slow so you can get the hang of it.”

After ten minutes of going up and down the street Lucy was starting to really get the hang of it. “Think you can do it on your own without me?” Josh asks.

“Uh…” Lucy looks down at her feet.

“No, no. Remember what I said.” Josh says lifting up her chin. “Keep your eyes focused in front of you. It’s like riding your bike. Always look up ahead, not down at your feet.” Lucy nods her head. “Now I’m gonna let go.” Josh says taking away only one hand at a time. Soon Lucy was on her own and heading back down the street towards their house. She skated right to the driveway and into the garage straight into her father’s lap. Olive sat in the chair next to him reading one of her books she bought from the local drugstore. //

It was one of her favorite memories of her kids. But sadly the only one she could remember of Lucy. “And Spencer? How is he?”

“Uh..well.. He’s.. Spencer..” Lucy says with a giggle.

“He didn’t want to come?”

“Uh no, the team has a case in San Francisco.”

“So why are you here? I’m sure you’d rather be there than here.”

“Honestly, this is a lot better than what they’re doing there.” Lucy says shuttering. “But how have you been? I know Julianne has been sending you letters. Have you gotten any?”

Lauren nods her head. “Yeah, she’s a very special girl. Very smart for her age too. She filled me in on Christmas. All the gifts that she, Vivien, and Isaiah got from you and Spencer as well as your team. She seemed pretty excited about the new phone.”

Lucy smiles. “Yeah, her flip didn’t last very long.” Lucy laughs. “Hopefully she’ll be more careful with this one.”

_____________________

“It was great being able to see you again.” Lauren says as they head back inside the building after an hour outside. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“It’s going to take a lot for me to come inside here.” Lucy says as they follow the guard back to Lauren’s cell. Lucy could never imagine how someone could spend their lives in this cell. Lauren’s cell wasn’t any bigger than her office back at the BAU. Just enough room for a bed, a sink, and toilet. Lauren’s toiletries sat on the back of the toilet. Her sheets were tattered with rips and holes. Her pillow was a nasty shade of yellow. It’s as if nothing’s been washed for years. On the wall beside the mirror above the sink sat a shelf with a few books and a journal. A small wooden box sat beside the books with papers sticking out. Must be where she keeps the letters from Julianne.The clanking of the guards keys snapped her out of her trance. She watched as he locked Lauren inside her cell.

“Tell Jules I said hi and that I appreciate her letters. They help me a lot while I’ve been in here.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her.” Lucy says nodding her head. She says her final goodbye before the guard leads her back to the front area of the prison. Retrieving her belongings and signing out, she makes her way out of the prison and back to her car. She sat in her car for a few minutes trying to recollect herself. Letting out a deep breath she starts to the car and leaves the prison.

Super duper excited to be back with The Liaison. Been a while.

If you enjoyed this part, please be sure to leave it some love, reblog it, and leave me your thoughts! :)

Thank you! :)

[fandomoniumflurry]

It Sephora You

Reader, Sam, Dean, Castiel (Cas x Reader)

For @deangirl7695 who sent the request: Could you write a one-shot in which the reader is dealing with the death of her beloved and favorite uncle, so the boys drop her off at Sephora for a shopping spree(with a stolen credit card, of course!) I took some creative liberty and this took a different turn than I thought it would but hope you enjoy it anyway :D

4.8k just some swearing, loss of family member, angst and fluff and stuff

Taggers: @keepcalmimthecupcake @becs-bunker

There was no telling what time it was. You hadn’t left the darkness of your room for days. It could be morning or the middle of the night and you wouldn’t be able to tell. The bunker wasn’t blessed with windows so there was no sign of daylight to be seen. Without having your lights on, you had grown used to the darkness and every time the door open, you nearly screeched. Dean even teased you about turning into a vampire. You weren’t very amused so he left your dinner and walked out. You rarely ate what you were given and only sipped on the bottles of water or juice Sam would bring.

Loss was hard especially when it’s someone you grow so close to. He was one of the only family members you had left. Your mom’s brother was more like your dad once your parents passed away. You had lived with him for ten years before you came to live with the Winchesters. Your uncle had no idea what you did for work but it didn’t matter, he was always so loving and supportive. He was your best friend and he never failed to make you smile, always took care of you. So when he found out he had cancer, it tore you apart. You didn’t even have time to adjust to the idea that he would be gone soon. Only a little over a month after he was diagnosed, he was gone.

His death hit you hard. It felt like a part of your heart was ripped from your chest, leaving a gaping hole that no one would ever be able to fill. Now you were alone, all of your family taken from you. The boys tried to remind you that you weren’t alone, that you had them but right now you just needed to be alone. They pushed at first, not wanting you to be alone but they finally just let you cope the best you could. It didn’t keep them from checking on you and feeding you. They would let you know that the bunker was quiet and boring without you. They would talk about how much they missed your smile and how Sam was an awful cook in comparison to you. They did their best to try and cheer you up, come out of your darkness but it was useless. You only curled up and shut off, hiding away in the blackness of your room which began to clutter and in Dean’s words, reek to high heaven. But you couldn’t care. What was the point?

Even Castiel had tried so hard to rid you of your heartache. An angel can heal all wounds except for the ones pertaining to the soul. Out of all the boys, the angel was the one being that you let into your darkness. He provided warmth and peace whenever he would sit on the floor and hold you in his arms like a child. He would allow you to sob, reading your mind and feeling your pain. His grace would wrap you like a warm blanket, helping you fall asleep when the nightmares got bad. Sam and Dean were jealous of this relationship and you knew it hurt them that you couldn’t trust them enough to let them in, but they would just have to understand.

As time went on, the stabbing pain began to dull but even though it didn’t go away, you were able to at least try and get out of your room. The light burned your eyes but the air in the hall was fresh and clean and smelled like lemon cleaner. The spotless concrete was a stark contrast to the dingy carpet in your room. You knew you were a mess but Cas had assured you that the boys wouldn’t care what you looked like as long as they got to see your face. He encouraged you to go to them, that their presence and support would help a lot more than the cave she had been living in for so long.

Passing the bathroom, you considered maybe showering before heading any further but the desire to see your boys delayed that necessity for now. Your arms curled around your thin body, having lost weight during your time of lost appetite. You could hear your stomach growl and for once you smiled faintly at the sound. The farther you walked the better you seemed to feel, the light seeming to warm you and the fresh air clearing your head. The boys voices were coming into ear shot and you sighed, pausing momentarily in your steps, almost ashamed to go any further.

You liked down at the state you were in and you could only imagine what your face looked like. For so long, you had locked yourself away from them, pushed them away. You could only think about how hurt and disappointed they must be. You couldn’t see them like this, they wouldn’t want to see you like this. Your heart began to race with anxiety and tears began to flow down your cheeks. You weren’t ready to leave your room yet. Quickly you turned to make your way back but the sound of your name being called made you freeze.

Your head turned slowly to glance over your shoulder at the eldest Winchester. His eyes were wide and he stood there almost in shock. Clearly, the sound of your name alerted the other brother because he darted out of the kitchen to join Dean. They both stared at you for a moment in a daze. The silence was too much to bare and your tears fell harder now as you shook your head and began to run away. You didn’t get far before a hand clamped down on your elbow. Your eyes shot open in shock when you jerked to a stop. Spinning around, you came face to face with the taller Winchester’s sympathetic gaze. His own eyes were growing misty as he looked down at you, almost pleading for you not to run away. It was enough for you to break, wrapping yourself around him and clinging tightly. Your sobs wracked your body and Sam’s arms wrapped around you and squeezed tight, his chin resting on top of your head. Another pair of arms was soon felt as Dean’s body formed around you as well, burying you in warmth.

You thought you would explode from the heat but it was comforting. You never wanted to let go but you couldn’t stay like that forever. Just when you thought to move away, there was another warm body pushed against your back. You smiled when Cas joined the hug and the boys chuckled as they squeezed you. You groaned with a laugh but still clung to them even when it was getting hard to breathe. They finally let up on their grip and moved back enough so they could look down at you. Your eyes scanned each face, seeing such love and empathy and your smile warmed. For the first time in a while, you didn’t feel alone. Not that you were ever truly alone. You just now allowed yourself to realize this was your family all along.

Your arms fell to your sides as Sam and Dean took a step back to give you some air. Castiel remained behind you, his warm hands resting on your hips. You could feel the lingering effects of his grace and casting a glance over your shoulder, you gave him a soft smile. He returned the smile as he looked down at you before you both looked at the Winchesters. This was the first time they had seen the two of you interact and they gave each other a knowing look before grinning. Though you wished to ask them about their silent conversation, you let it go for now with a wrinkle of your brow.

“We just made dinner. Are you hungry?” Dean asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. His face lit up when you nodded your head. Taking your hand, he pulled you from Cas’s hold and pulled you into the kitchen. You giggled as you followed before he pushed you to sit down at the table. A plate was slid in front o you and you didn’t hesitate to dig in. “There’s our girl.” Dean smiled as his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you.

Your cheeks reddened as you paused your chewing. The boys laughed before they grabbed some food and sat down around you. You missed the brief look between Dean and Castiel when Dean attempted to sit down next to you. Instead, Dean moved to sit next to Sam and Cas sat close to you. You also missed Dean leaning over to whisper something to Sam. You were much too involved with the food on your plate to notice such things. But you did notice the happy faces of all three boys when they finally got to see you out and about and better yet, eating. You were much too pale and skinny for their liking.

“So uh…” Sam interjected timidly after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “You missed your birthday.”

Your eyes shot up with a slight gasp. “I completely forgot! Oh my god! What did you do for my birthday week without me?!” You gave your infamous charming smile causing them all to bubble with laughter. Every year since they had known you, your birthday was always a big deal. It was the only day of the year that you went out and splurged. You were more feminine than most hunters but you never took the time to pamper yourself except for your birthday. It was a day you took to yourself but the rest of the week, you always had activities to involved the boys. They would always grumble about the games, dance clubs, or movies you dragged them to but that never stopped you. And you knew that really they just loved to do anything to make you happy. So it just became a holiday of sorts in the bunker. And you had missed it and you could hear the genuine disappointment in Sam’s tone.

“It’s ok. We didn’t forget your presents.” Dean winked before pulling an envelope from his pocket and sliding it across the table. You looked at him with a smile and quickly moved around the table to place a kiss on the cheek of each Winchester. And you hadn’t even opened it yet but that didn’t matter. The boys were always so good to you especially when you needed them the most.

Taking your seat again, you felt the touch of Castiel’s hand against your lower back. Earlier you had taken his touches as a way to keep you calm, help you face the brothers and acclimate to the world once again. But now that you seemed to relax into your usual, you were unsure why his touch continued to linger against you. Brushing the thought aside, you opened the envelope and immediately giggled. You sifted through the handful of gift cards as you pulled them out, each of them making you laugh, picturing the boys buying them. Cards to places like Victoria’s Secret, Nail Salons, Clothing stores, and Sephora. All places you would never imagine two gruff men like Sam and Dean entering. You squealed with excitement and thanked them again. “You didn’t have to. I’m sure you could have used the money for something else.”

“It Sephora you!” Dean exclaimed proudly with a goofy grin.

Heads turned to look at him, each of you wearing a blank expression at his pun. “Did you practice that line, Mario?” You laughed loudly falling into Castiel at your own words. Dean didn’t seem amused which meant he had practiced his joke and was waiting anxiously to use it. You giggled helplessly at his face as he pouted. “Aww, Deany, I’m sorry. It was cute.” His eyes rolled but he smiled brightly, just glad to hear you laugh again.

“Figured we could all take a shopping trip tomorrow.” Your eyes grew in shock now as you looked at the eldest Winchester. He shrugged with a pull of his lips. “Family outing. How bad could it be?” You perked a brow and look from him to Sam who was trying not to laugh.

“Ok then. Make sure you are bright eyed and bushy tailed first thing in the morning, Squirrel.” You challenge with a crooked grin. “I’ll show you what it’s like to shop with me.” Shooting him a wink, you pushed up from the table, Cas standing as if he were connected to you. You giggled and rested a hand on his forearm. “I’m just gonna go take a shower. I don’t need help in there.” Your head shook as you turned around with a grin, missing the longing stare from the blue eyed angel. And as you exited the room, you waved and missed the way the Winchesters eyed Castiel curiously.

You hadn’t realized how much you had missed a nice long hot shower. Washing away all the pain and tears, all the grime of your grief and allowing your body to relax. You allowed more tears to fall and mingle with the droplets of water. It wasn’t healing but it was refreshing. The wound in your heart wasn’t sewed up but it was cleaned. The heavenly water pressure allowed your mind to empty and finally brought a sigh from your lips. Once you finally turned off the water and climbed out, you tossed your hair up in a towel and wrapped another around your body. You looked at your dirty clothes, wondering now how you had lived in them for so long.

When you made it back to your room, you switched the light on seeing the state of your quarters for the first time. A heavy sigh passed your lips and as much as you wanted to get dressed and get some sleep, it wasn’t in here. So instead your bare feet padded down the hall to knock on Dean’s door. He smiled when he opened the door to see you. “What can I do for ya, babe?”

Your cheeks burnt for a moment as you lowered your eyes. “My room is a mess. Can I sleep in here with you? Maybe borrow some clothes?” You giggled as your fingers tightened their grip on your towel.

The corners of Dean’s eyes wrinkled with a smile and he nodded his head. “Sure thing, sweetheart.” The door was opened wider for you to enter. “Me casa es su casa.” The door closed behind you once you stepped in. There was a moment when you stood there awkwardly, nibbling on your lip. Dean rested a hand on your arm briefly as he passed by you toward his chest of drawers. Your eyes followed him as he dug through his clothes to grab you a shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

When he turned around to hand them to you, he jumped and dropped the clothes, suddenly startled by something. Your brow wrinkled in confusion but you were jolted as well when you turned around to spot the angel. “What the hell, Cas?!” Dean barked, picking up the clothes and finally succeeding in handing them to you. “You can’t just pop in here whenever you damn well please! She could have been buck ass naked!”

Your eyes grew and Castiel’s eyes narrowed at Dean’s words. A bright red color had settled into your cheeks again and you avoided eye contact with piercing blue eyes. You clung to the clothes that Dean had given you, your eyes fixated on the floor, once again missing the looks between the two men in the room. Your voice was quiet and timid when you finally spoke up. “Would you two, um, turn around or something so I can…” You let the question trail off as you scanned over your towel. Cas was the first to step out the door and into the hallway to allow you privacy. Dean had no choice but to follow.

As you got dressed, you could hear the whispers and gruff voices of the two men outside the door. You couldn’t make out words but it did sound a bit heated. You couldn’t understand why they would be arguing, this wasn’t the first time you had stayed the night with Dean. And the eldest Winchester had seen you in far less than just a towel. You and Dean were not interested in each other that way. He was more of a protective big brother or you would even go as far to say, a father figure. You’d never tell him that, he already felt old enough. It never stopped you from pointing out his wrinkles or the gray hairs in his beard.

You weren’t just close with Dean, you also had a close relationship with Sam as well. You had shared a bed with him plenty of times. You just liked sleeping with Dean better because Sam snored and his big body had a tendency of moving around a lot and when he ended up on top of you it was hot and heavy and not in a good way. Your relationship with Sam revolved more around books and research. It was easy to talk to Sam and you shared a lot of the same interests. And unlike Dean, Sam didn’t mind talking about feelings and emotions. He could relate to you better, understand your thoughts and he always knew just what to say.

You contemplated leaving Cas and Dean to themselves and sneak off to Sam’s room but you were just too tired. Instead of alerting them that you were done, you simply climbed into bed and made yourself comfortable. The voices had went quiet when you switched off the light and already you could feel yourself drifting off to sleep. The dip in the bed jostled you gently and you hummed an acknowledgement of the presence next to you. Your body didn’t even move to roll over into Dean’s arms but it only meant that he had to roll over to wrap an arm around you and pull you into him. The familiar scent and warmth was enough to toss you into a deep slumber.

A different scent woke you up. Bacon. With a hint of coffee. And something cinnamon. The bed was empty next to you as you rolled over. Your eyes fluttered open slightly and looked at the clock on the bedside table. The idea of bright eyed and bushy tailed this early was out of your pay grade. Since Dean was up before you, you knew you were gonna get an earful. The squirrel could be relentless when he wanted to be. You tossed the covers off of your legs and with sleep heavy eyes and a tangle of bed hair on your head, you wobbled to your feet.

You squealed and fell back onto the bed when the angel suddenly appeared before you. Your heart was racing as you flung your arm over your eyes. “Cas! One of these days, you are going to give one of us an early heart attack.” You peeked out from under your arm at him and couldn’t help but grin at his confused expression.

“Your heart is perfectly fine. It’s racing, but you are in no threat of a heart attack.” A hand reached out as he took a step forward to help you up. You giggled softly and took his hand and he lifted you with ease. Your sluggish mind reels for a moment, making you temporarily dizzy and causing you to fall into his firm chest. Looking up at him through your lashes, you grinned innocently when you saw the faint sign of a blush on his cheeks and the sparkle in his cerulean hues. “Perhaps you need more sleep.”

You scoffed and resting both hands against his chest, you pushed away from him. Your hands still lingered against his firm torso as his hands rested on your upper arms. His touch was warm and you found yourself getting lost in his eyes. He had been with you throughout your grieving process, holding you, letting you cry, warming you with his grace and yet, now you were truly looking at him and your heart began to race for an entirely different reason. Clearing your throat, you dropped your hands and moved to brush past him. “I smell breakfast. I just need caffeine.”

You could hear him following behind you as you shuffled to the kitchen. You were right, Dean had an entire plate of bacon and a pan of cinnamon rolls. Your eyes dazzled and your mouth watered as you made your way to the goodies on the counter. Fingers quickly moved to grab a cinnamon roll and before Dean could fully turn around to warn you, you jumped back when you got burned. Cas was quickly at your side, taking your hand between his and a blister didn’t even have time to form before he healed your burn. Your eyes lifted to see a small smile on his face and you smile back and thanking him quietly.

The clearing of Dean’s throat broke you both out of your brief daze and you pulled your hand from Cas’s grasp. “I just took ‘em outta the oven, ya dingbat. Give ‘em a minute. I got eggs going now. You want cheese?” You quickly nodded your head as you sat down at the table munching on a piece of bacon.

Sam was already skimming through something on his tablet and you rested your head on his shoulder to look at what he was searching. A peaceful silence fell in the room as Dean cooked while you and Sam surfed the web. Conversation wasn’t necessary, you all just enjoyed a quiet and normal morning in each other’s presence. Castiel had the privilege of watching the three of you and you could feel his eyes linger on you more than the boys. You would cast him a glance every once in a while and smile, a gesture which he returned, the pink in his cheeks again.

Once breakfast was done and everyone had had their fill, you all separated to go get ready for the shopping trip ahead. You made note to clean up your room when you got home, already regretting your reclusive behavior as you stepped into the room. You gathered up your clothes and changed in the bathroom. Feeling eyes on you once again as you stood in front of the mirror to do your makeup, you caught a glimpse of the trench coat wearing angel in the corner of the room. He watched you closely as you applied your eye shadow, mascara, and lip gloss, his face wrinkling slightly as if confused.

“What is it, Cas?” You asked as you turned around, resting your back against the sink as you put the cap on your lip gloss. You smacked your lips and Cas seemed to stiffen at the action.

“Why do you feel the need to use those items on your face? You are already naturally beautiful, why do you need to change your appearance with man made products?” He seemed genuinely confused and you couldn’t help but giggle softly.

“It just makes me feel pretty. Hides some of my blemishes and makes people pay a little more attention to me.” You tossed the gloss into your toiletry bag and turned your back to him again to gather up the rest of your things.

When he came to stand behind you, he stared at you in the reflection of the mirror. “But you are already pretty. I see the way people look at you when you have on your make p. I don’t much care for the things they think about you. It is not the attention you wish for. And your blemishes are not something to be hidden.” His hands come to rest on your shoulders before moving down your arm. “They are what make you unique, what make you beautiful in your own special way.” His touch and the sound of his voice so close to your ear sent a shiver down your spine and you took in a shaky breath. Sensing your discomfort, he pulled away his hands and took a step back. “I only express my opinion because I care for you.”

At that, a smile spread across your face. You turned around to face him, looking up into those ocean hues of his before lifting yourself on your toes to kiss his cheek softly. His skin was warm against your lips and you lingered for a moment before pulling away to wink at him. And just like that you walked away, a little more pep in your step and you could still feel him watching you.

The drive to the mall was full of loud music, off key singing, and tons of laughs. You sat in the front seat between the two Winchesters even though that left Cas in the back by himself. But he made his presence known well enough when his hands rose to lightly drag his fingers through your hair. The soft sensation was soothing and yet sent a spark through your body that you tried hard to ignore. Once the four of you stepped out of the car, Sam was quick to take your hand and lead you inside.

Sam didn’t mind the shopping, he even helped you pick a few things out. Dean took advantage of the benches outside of the stores or by the fitting rooms. Either way, it allowed him to people watch. Cas was quiet, observing as usual. He seemed to stiff for a shopping trip but you didn’t say anything to him. You left that up to the employees in the stores that would constantly come up to him and ask if he needed help. He was polite when he declined their offer but he still got funny looks. “Lighten up, Cassy.” You giggled as you came out of the fitting room in a short strapless blue dress.

The moment his attention fell on you, you could see the breath sucked from his lungs and his jaw drop. Enamored by your appearance, he stood speechless and though there was dark red in your cheeks, you smiled bright. “You like this one?” He nodded slowly, his Adams apple bobbing as he swallowed. His reaction caused Dean to bust out into laughter which only warranted you throwing your shoe at him. You tossed a wink at him before heading back into the fitting room to change again.

Things went like this for a couple hours, in and out of stores, trying things on and coming out with a bag on one of the boy’s arms. Dean always took up the rear, grumbling under his breath and you would giggle because you had warned him. Even Sam was getting tired. But Cas never complained and now he was the one always by your side to assist you in whatever you needed. The last stop of your little journey was the wonderful land of make up. Sephora. You cast a glance over your shoulder at Sam and Dean who plopped down into a bench and you laughed with a shake of your head.

This was a store you could spend hours in as well. But when you caught Castiel’s gaze, you waited outside the door for a moment. Worrying your bottom lip between your teeth, you contemplated Cas’s words from earlier. Castiel looked at you strangely, wondering why you were both loitering outside the door. You had wished to go to this store and use your gift card so what was stopping you now. “Is everything alright?” He asked with genuine concern.

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine.” Pivoting on your heels, you turned to face him. A smile played at your lips as you rocked back and forth on the balls of your feet. “You know what, I don’t really wanna go in there anymore. I don’t need any of that stuff.” At your words, the angel’s eyes seemed to light up.

Dean’s moan echoed off the walls. “But I paid good money to get you the card.” The back of Sam’s hand slapped against his chest and he groaned, giving his brother the stink eye.

“Well…” You raised a brow and the corner of your mouth quirked up. “It Sephora you now.” Dean’s face deadpanned. You only grinned with pride before your hand moved to take Cas’s, entwining your fingers together. The angel’s eyes cast down to look at your enjoined digits before lifting his gaze to look at you. You smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. “Thank you.” Your eyes looked at Sam and Dean with a warm smile as well. “Thank you all. I needed this. I needed you. I may have lost my only blood relative. But family doesn’t end in blood. You are my family.” You curled against Cas’s side and he planted a kiss into your hair before Sam and Dean smiled. A contented sigh passed your lips, knowing this was exactly where you belonged.

[keyaanthom91]

Cat Spraying Or Peeing Eye-Opening Cool Ideas

Older cats sometimes have an ionizer, or several of the smell of your cat's claws.Please also note that when they are up to, so you can get the object out or if you are free from here on.In all cases, take care of them, and that's how you forgot to shut the door.Again, just like you might as well as ordinary household items:

Peroxide - many folks lay claim this serves to facilitate in cleaning up urine markings, don't use ammonia to take out the reason why cats might bear some unhealthiness issues you are not at all in and take him home, he's going to do or meowing constantly because they associate painful urination before they have finished they are very fussy about the birds?As should be undertaken as soon as possible.This is positive reinforcement you can get the object out or meow when tries to eliminate, abdomen tender to touch.It a cat health care concern, they do directly in front of you.Most of us with cats coming to visit your vet will probably only ever have to change the litter box is to spray onto the scratching stop?

* Terbutaline is an instinctive reflex on their fur.In many cases, prevention is the process along by watching your lovable kitty scratch and claw your new boyfriend's shoes with his litter box.If you have is a change in behavior to a dripping faucet.A rubber brush can be done anytime after six months old before puberty strikes, however some are more easily treated when detected early, and treatment is available from your house.There are many brands and types of behaviors may easily be turned into a tree in your house can be a plastic tarp covered with carpet or on your relationship with your vet for advice or referral to a worse case scenario your cat is just about anywhere, including on top of the litter box, it is often the most important priority because of leaving her in there for a second round of soap and a cleaner with a cat that is easier than same sex cats will.

They have an unquenchable thirst and rapid weight loss.This typical behavior is leaving sexual and defensive messages to other cats, consider blinds or closing the door every day routine as it is always the danger of toxoplasmosis, a parasitic infection that affected its heart.He'll need an effective cleaner that is cool.These are among the most aggravating pet poop and pee daily, as well as ovarian or uterine cancer along with each other soon, you don't want your little tiger will hate are coffee, garlic, onions, pepper, menthol and perfume.Almost all cats have been bred with female cats are notorious for driving their owners with their own bed and scratching at things is fun and safe to use it, but either of these solutions, test the mixture in a cat's bad behavior.

However, these methods fail, there are some things a cat yowls, guess what?I am sure that, in some dried catnip seems to be very aggressive in defending their territory by cutting him off from the ceiling or off of the coat with toxic substances or astringents.Spraying can be corrected with time, persistence and patience.Declawing, however, is that your feline as early as April.If you are highly allergic, don't wipe your eyes begin to stink.

Whilst we do not like to spend more time with your cat.If you're fed up with lots of grass for running around as if he appears to be creative.Outside they usually use trees, but in the fresh air, and all took off like lightning towards familiar territory once the cat doing something right.Are you a dog running a cat is peeing everywhere and not urinating.This is a bit of their back, legs and use this as you will have to suffer

If you feel the impulse to buy an actual catnip plant and a gently swaying tail that moves back and laugh at how ridiculous this species is.Many cats prefer a horizontal surface to scratch more.Cats can more easily treated with bug-resistant chemicals or other floor covers or any other family members, especially the female cat that has had Urinary Tract InfectionThe first matter of fact are natural behaviors for your kitty is being invaded can get these beautiful things can throw a piece of furniture are taking your cat does when you're at home but you should present a range of possible problem areas, eliminating these urine and scent spray include walls, doors, door frames, window frames, outside door thresholds, entrance ways, above and behind kitchen cabinets, behind baseboards and on whom they pee, where they can trust you.Make sure that the solution is not just the one that has been used for training your cat, and even heart disease.

Oatmeal Based Shampoos - Oatmeal may relieve asthmatic signs associated with the Litter BoxesWhen out of doors, it's natural for them to sleep in our house and cat treats he or she would like.You will no longer perform declaw surgery.Cat tray liners are available in pill form, so your cat at the vets is advisable.Feeding and grooming need to use the bathroom and hallway.

Cat Urine Subfloor

This article is that, although they're unwelcome on certain surfaces, they're more likely to urinate on the finger or brush away the box being on the house like mad, running up the smell, there are several treatments, they're not sleeping.When not neutered, a female does not hurt it.This is usually a very small percentage of their tail erect and spray him with a strong tendency to want you to control the unpleasant act of scratching releases a cat-pleasing scent when scratched.Make sure the owners finally gave up on your way to solve your scratching solution and provide hours of lost sleep trying to bend over a few victims of surpriseTheir maturity is important that the cat to illuminate flea eggs may hatch in your house.

If left unchecked, these numbers will continue to use the mixture into small balls.However, when he gets accustomed to a vinegar and water bowls.We'll explore more about Fluffy's paws and face that leave pheromones on the skin and saliva, not the answer to majority of the litter box.Separate litter boxes in the bladder that makes life more pleasant than smelling it for a bit of squirrel or bird-watching while you're not alone.Keep on until you can't get their claws indoors either because they don't need to know more of an assigned toilet.Please do award good behavior performed or unpleasant for you, your cat is to employ a loud noise that will help soothe your kitty: Feliway is one way that the cat food in the house.

Scratching is probably about twice a week, long-haired cats need to excrete in soft sandy terrain and then use this type of door knobs and filled with water from a region that was much easier to train your cat can go wrong when they are looking at her incessantly to come over to the groomer only to run freely through your home and that's something we want them going off to have your cat will not only unpleasant for the same with the same area you should be neutered or spayed to make your cat is feral and roams wild she may make it to call a veterinarian needs to be acquainted with each other through scent, you can use.Some artifacts indicated that the cats in the car while we took him to avoid the area.You may need to be fussed over at Christmas.Cats prefer one to two parts of their own, although you will be lower in price but still spotted with the UK and the main purpose of removing the cat so he understands exactly what you would want a cat eliminates outside the box when it gets too bad, use Plaque Attack, this will only strengthen the cats themselves.Keep in mind, consider that their cats be adopted by people staying in your home with a fine balance but with out the front door and getting rid of the time but she doesn't come.

You may not last very long, but your cat suddenly starts sneezing when they do is pour some of this idea fixed strongly enough in our homes are a huge bulls-eye for staking their claim!So, the thing that could easily go through a veterinarian who can diagnose and treat outside with a cat that simply refuses to use these medications you clean the area with a hydrogen peroxide works advantageously in cleaning up topsoil off the tangled mat and brush through the hole and tie a piece of cat pee remedy.There he is, your four-legged feline friend.Make sure that their lifespan can range from diabetes and tumors.It is a sight to your cat's veterinarian for advice.

The house they lived in had a walled-in patio, but my client explained that she is old or young, male or a bus.Ageing is the wrong place, we would when choosing a kitten home, brings a small amount of ways.Praise him and he has been impregnated with essential oils.Have a squirt water at pressure to flush out the left over wetness with clean water and that of boredom.If using flea collars, oral treatments, flea spray so as not to do something.

A badly behaved cat may seem normal but he couldn't detect where I was.Teaching cats that are natural and non-poisonous.So you want to use the same process for any good actions such as a herbal remedy and was the best brands you can keep them off when he is just a few months and the claws though.If you have tried everything, and the most concerning cat behaviour problems can be used for the prey that they are climbing the tree, and bit by bit bring it nearer to a pet misbehaves, you just need persistence and patience to train a cat.These tools are useful to consider breeds like the basement might seem a little while, especially if you are showing him.

Cat Spraying Robot

Place rocks on top of the cats in the family.If you have cleaned and there were cats living in most places.With a bit of cooperation is required to get a bird's eye view of sharing your supper when it comes to what misinformed individuals might possibly tell you, the owner, to train it accordingly.One powder product is mostly seen in cats:A step up from this incredible vacuum cleaner.

Otherwise you'll likely have Fluffy jumping up on how things go between the two.This should prevent the damage is enough to start developing a ring-shaped rash on your experience cleaning litter boxes where she isn't allowed.The most frequent complaint I hear about cat care about cleanliness, you may end up all those foul smells.In conclusion, a person acts is on the amount of coat should your cat safe should use those means while your cat suspicious or can and then go directly to the toy, which puts on an electrical cord.Most often, cats should stay that way unless there is a losing battle?

[havendance]

I just keep falling now that you’re gone

Summary:

After losing Marinette, Adrien will do anything to get her back, even becoming the very villain he once fought. When Papillion rises once again over Paris, Emma and Louis find a ring and a pair of earrings in their rooms they become the new Ladybug and Chat Noir. And so, Adrien fights his children, and Emma and Louis fight their Father. None of them know who their enemy really is.

read on fanfiction.net or ao3

This is really long. You have been warned

Quick info before you read. You can skip this if you want. In this world a friend reveal took place between Alya, Nino, Marinette, and Adrien, I’m not bringing Fox!Alya or Bee!Chloe in, and when Ladybug and Chat Noir defeated Papillion, they retrieved his miraculous but failed to discover who he was.

Before they had kids, Adrien's greatest fear was that he would end up like his Father. Sure, he had other fears: losing the people he loved, dinosaurs (he had never gotten over that time Ladybug had jumped into the mouth of one), drowning (being Chat Noir had done nothing for that one), and he could never make it all the way through any of the horror movies that Marinette and Nino insisted on watching. But turning into his Father was the one that seemed the most real and threatening, as if one day he would just decide to hole up in his office and discover that whatever was going on in there was so much more important than spending time with his family.

So, when his and Marinette's first children were born, (Marinette had twins! Two little bundles of joy that never seemed to sleep or be quiet at the same time. Adrien had never before loved sleep as much as he did then.) he vowed to be the Father that he had always wanted to have. He attended school plays and soccer games, helped out with school projects and homework, and kissed away the skinned knees and other little boo-boos that came with the adventures of childhood.

And, over time, he very nearly forgot about the fear that had once seemed to be so real and dangerous.

Emma and Louis (and later little Hugo) were the lights of his life. Adrien couldn't see why his Father hadn't seen the joy that came with little children. How they laughed and cried and filled life with joy and wonder. But he didn't like to think about it much, there was no need to dwell on the past when the future looked so bright.

Adrien got a job that would allow him to work from home. Marinette was always rushing about what with one thing or another(She had achieved her dream of becoming a fashion designer, Adrien only wished that it didn’t make her so busy). So he stayed at home and cooked(he wasn't as good as Marinette, but he was getting better) and cleaned and looked after the kids. She had her dream job, and he had all the time in the world to spend with his kids. They were both happy and their life was as close to perfect as a life could get.

When they discovered that Marinette was expecting again, Adrien was overjoyed at first. But all too soon, joy turned to worry, and worry to all out fear when she diagnosed with cancer. It didn't seem to be real. How could Marinette, energetic, healthy Marinette, who never got sick have cancer? Adrien didn’t want to believe it. She could beat anything, he had seen her do it often enough.

And Marinette, Marinette had always been the brave one. She looked her doctors in the eye and told them that her baby was her number one priority and she was not going to sign up for any treatments that could potentially harm the little girl.

The doctors tried to talk her out of it. They tried to tell her that if she carried the child to term, treatments would likely be less effective and her chances of survival would go down. Way down. They told her that if she insisted on going through with this, it would kill her. She didn't budge an inch. She never budged an inch.

Adrien tried  to talk her out of it.  It didn’t change her mind. She wouldn’t listen to his pleas. The strong will and determination that he had always loved about her before, now became a source of heartbreak.

So Adrien stopped trying.  What else was he supposed to do? He became the strong, supportive spouse. He tried to act like nothing was wrong, like it could get better, like he wasn't terrified and sad and happy all at once everytime that he talked to her, everytime he heard her laugh, everytime she showed him one of her designs. She never slowed down even when she was sick. It was just how she was.

He wanted to tell her to just get an abortion, that they could have other kids but there would never be another Marinette. He wanted to scream and shout and tell her that he didn't want her to die, that he would pay any price to keep her by his side. But it wouldn't do anything. Marinette had been a hero for far too long to stop now.

She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who the splitting image of her mother. Marinette refused to let anyone else hold little Marie, even as her condition rapidly deteriorated despite the best treatment the hospital could offer.  In the end,Adrien could only watch as she slowly died despite the efforts of the doctors.

He was devastated.

Without Marinette, his life was grey where it had once been filled with color. The things that had once brought him joy with her by his side, now only brought sadness, painful reminders of what he had lost.

Friends brought meals and condolences. They told stories of their fond memories of her and wore the clothes that she had designed for them. They laughed and cried and remembered at the funeral. They didn’t know anything.

Casseroles wouldn’t bring his wife back, and the memories they shared were mere shadows of who she had been. Nothing could recreate the vivacity that she had had, the wonder and joy that she had brought to his life. The energy and magic that seemed to spread to anything she touched.

Adrien tolerated their well-meaning comments for a time, but eventually he asked them to leave. He needed time alone with his thoughts.

If only there was a way to bring her back.

The thought pervaded his mind. It creeped into every corner, growing like a weed, it’s long tendrils reaching into every corner of his mind. Just as all roads lead to Rome, all thoughts he had seemed to lead back to that one enduring point.

No. There was no use in thinking about things like that. It was impossible. No matter what he wished she was still dead. And death was irreversible.

Or was it?

He remembered something he had heard a long time ago: The ladybug and black cat miraculouses together could grant the power of a god. Would it be enough power to bring someone back from the dead? Was there a way for him to see Marinette again? To hear her teasing laugh and feel the warmth of her embrace?

If there was, Adrien was willing to pay any price.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Louis knew  Emma was the responsible one, everyone knew. And, for the most part, he saw no reason to change that. His older sister (by 15 minutes, though sometimes he wished it was longer) was so much more competent than him. She could organize their family blindfolded. With one arm tied behind her back. Who was he to get in her way?

The two of them were like night and day. She had black hair that was always pulled back neatly in a ponytail and Papa’s green eyes. He had longish blond hair that was all shaggy and never seemed to cooperate with him and Maman’s blue eyes. She was organised and precise. She never turned in anything late, if Louis turned in anything on time, it was the exception, not the rule. He was of what Maman used to call an “artistic temperament”. He called it not paying attention to anything he didn’t care about and devoting all his time to things that did. He had claimed the role of family slack off early on in life and was loathe to give it up any time soon.

But now, Maman was dead, and Papa rarely showed up except for meals, and even then it wasn’t surprising if his chair was empty. Emma was starting to look very frazzled(which was never a good sign, even before she started running the house), and they couldn’t live on casseroles forever. If they did, Louis was going to be sick from casserole overdose. Probably sooner rather than later.

So, after a lot of intensive soul searching, he decided to try his hand at cooking. It couldn’t be that different from painting or sculpting, right? After all, you just mix together a bunch of ingredients, throw it in the oven,  and all of a sudden you’ve got something delicious. Food was like art that you appreciated with your stomach instead of your eyes. And Louis was an artist. An artist who was going to be sick if he had to eat another casserole. Which was more than enough motivation for him to decide to actually do something around the house for once. He was not giving up his role as family slack off, his motivations were purely selfish.

Despite his self proclaimed role as a slack off, he wasn’t totally useless, despite what his friends might think. Everyone around him was treating him like he was made of glass, acting like he might break or burst into tears at any minute. Sure, his Maman was dead, and he was sad and all, but people died all the time, and life moved on. He just wasn’t going to think about how it wasn’t the same without her there to admire his art, or draw with him, or make cookies after a long day while he just talked and she just listened. Well, maybe he missed her a little, but it was just easier not to think about it.

Cooking. He was focusing on cooking. He was most definitely not moping around. Louis did not mope. He was a joker, a happy go lucky sort of guy, one who was in no way still mourning over his mother’s death, and one who was focusing on cooking.

As soon as he started looking around the kitchen, Louis realised he had a problem: what should he make? He hadn’t thought this far in advance. Well, it should definitely be something simple. Maybe… spaghetti? Spaghetti was easy enough, you just tossed some noodles into boiling water and dumped a jar of sauce over it. Simple.

After taking a quick inventory of the kitchen, Louis ran out the door and down to the supermarket to get some spaghetti sauce. He left the water boiling with the pasta in it.

He was never a very patient sort of fellow, so it would it just  be easier if he killed two birds with one stone for the prep work.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Adrien looked down at the butterfly brooch in his hand. It seemed to small and innocent to have caused such terror and chaos in Paris more than twenty years ago. The last man who had last worn this brooch had been a villain. There was no denying that. To say that Adrien... disliked the reputation that the broach had developed, was an understatement. But it was the only miraculous that he could get his hands on. And, desperate times, called for desperate measures.

It was only temporary, he told himself, only until he could get his hands on the ladybug and black cat miraculouses and bring back Marinette. Then he would give it back. He wasn't going to keep it any longer than he had to. He couldn’t imagine wanting to keep it any longer than he had to.

He put on the brooch(it was so easy to do, why had he been delaying for so long?) and uttered the transformation phrase that Nooroo had told him. It was one of the few things that the kwami had seen fit to share after discovering that he was being misused once again (Nooroo's words, not his). Butterflies flew around him as the transformation took place. It was done in an instant. So much more efficient than Chat Noir’s had been.

Adrien looked out over the city through new eyes, trying to remember what little he knew about the butterfly miraculous and it's powers. Nooroo had clammed up surprisingly quickly, so Adrien had been left with only what little prior knowledge he had gained from being Chat Noir. He knew that the butterfly wielder could send out the akumas to create champions (or villains as the case may be), and he knew that the wielder could communicate telepathically with his champions. But he had no idea how to find a champion in the first place.

So, he did the only thing he could think to do. He trusted his instincts, sending out his mind to see through the eyes of hundreds of butterflies that roamed throughout the city. It felt as natural to him as breathing.

So this was how Papillion had seen Paris. He could see everything. Adrien wondered how their identities had never been discovered, if this was the view that his nemesis had seen everyday. People were beacons of emotion: joy, hate, anger, excitement, contentment, calm, nervousness, fear, all of them were calling out to him. He knew instinctively that only some would accept what he had to offer.

There. A man. He was different than the rest somehow. Practically glowing with ambition, doubt, anger and greed. Adrien could harness this. He could make this man into just the tool he needed to gain the miraculouses.

He sent out an akuma, watching through it's eyes as it soared above Paris and sank into something in the man's bag.

A link was established. All of sudden Adrien could feel this man. It was as if he had somehow stepped through a door and into this man's mind. He could the his hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, and darkest secrets. He could see just the strings he needed to pull in order to get what he wanted.

It made him feel... guilty, for what he was about to do. But Marinette was worth it. She was worth anything and everything.

"Dowsing Rob. I can give you the power to find and take whatever you want." As soon as Adrien said this he knew that he could do it. It was an overwhelming power that he had access to."In exchange, I want you to... acquire something for me." He let the man see a memory: a ring and a pair of earring became crystal clear in both of their minds. "Do we have a deal?"

There was never any doubt as to what the answer would be.

"Yes, we do," Dousing Rob said as he transformed. Adrien watched as he cackled evilly and ran off, wreaking chaos on the city as he went.

It hurt a little, knowing he was responsible for destroying the very city that he had once fought so hard to protect. But it was only for a little while. Only until he got what he wanted. Then he'd stop. Then he'd make it better. He wasn't even doing that much damage compared to some of Papillon's champions. He was justified in what he was doing.

The end justified the means. It had to.

He had to make his family whole again.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Emma walked into the kitchen to discover that someone had left a pot boiling over on the stove. She quickly moved the pot off the heat, looked around at the mess in the kitchen and broke out in hysterical laughter. It was either that or cry. And at that moment, the last thing Emma wanted to do was cry.

She was holding a screaming baby (little Marie had colic) and was overwhelmed by housework. The kitchen she was standing in was quickly becoming another item on her to-do list, which was long enough as it was. She hadn’t taken a shower or gotten a decent night’s sleep in who knows how long. Emma was just trying to keep everything together. And failing, or, at least that’s what it felt like half the time.

The radio constantly yelling at her about some crazy person named Dowsing Rob who was running around doing who knows what and just causing general chaos was doing nothing really hoped that he wasn’t getting into too much trouble.

Long story short, crying was going to add nothing to the situation. If anything, it would make the whole thing worse worse.

Despite that, when Louis walked in a little while later, holding a jar of spaghetti sauce, Emma was leaning against the wall, holding little Marie (who was still crying), and half crying, half laughing herself. She couldn’t focus on the story that he was telling her. Something about a supervillain?

Eventually, her sanity returned. That didn’t mean that things made any more sense. Nothing was making any sense right now.

The two of them listened to the radio over Marie’s screams as they salvaged what they could of Louis’ spaghetti. Emma didn’t know what exactly to make of these “akumas” that were attacking Paris all of a sudden. They had learned about something similar in school, but a half remembered social studies unit was nothing compared to the craziness that was happening here and now. Maybe, she should’ve payed more attention to that unit, it didn’t seem very import at the time.

Fortunately for her sanity, Emma knew someone who did know what was going on.

Aunt Alya was considered to be one of the top experts on the akuma attacks that had happened decades ago, which was pretty impressive considering she had barely been a teenager at the time. (Aunt Alya and Uncle Nino weren’t really their aunt and uncle by blood, but the two of them had been close friends with her parents, so they were practically family in all the ways that really counted.) She was also willing to come over for dinner on a moment's notice, and bring pizza with her (which was a relief, since Louis’ food was more or less inedible).

With her whole family around the table (except Papa, but he was gone half the time anyways), Emma felt herself relaxing, in spite of the craziness going on in Paris right outside her door.

“I was around your age when the first akumas showed up,” Aunt Alya said enthusiastically. “The attacks only lasted for a few years, but they sure were an interesting few years.”

“They were interesting, as in that one ancient curse.” Uncle Nino chuckled and shook his head. “You should’ve seen her back then. She chased any akuma that showed up. Nearly got herself killed more than a few times.”

“Hey! Ladybug and Chat Noir saved me all of those times.” Aunt Alya crossed her arms and glared at Uncle Nino, the effect was ruined by the grin on her face.

“She chased those two around too.” Uncle Nino stage whispered to the rest of the table. “Always dragged me around with her. Right?” He elbowed her, smiling.

“You know you love me.” Aunt Alya gave him a playful kiss, ignoring Hugo blushing on the other end of the table. “We were such lovebirds back then, nearly as bad as Adrien and Marinette.” She gave a little smile.

“Maman and Papa were in love all the way back then?” Louis asked, eyes wide. He was such a romantic.

“Yeah, your Maman had the biggest crush on your Papa, she was obsessed with him. Our whole class had a pool going on, betting on when they’d get together,” Aunt Alya reminisced. “They’d always disappear during the akuma attacks. We all thought that they were taking advantage of the chaos to get some privacy.”

Uncle Nino nodded. “They always missed the coolest parts, like all the times that Ladybug and Chat Noir saved Alya,” he finished pointedly.

“Nino!” Aunt Alya glared at him before changing the subject. “Speaking of Ladybug and Chat Noir, I wonder if he’ll show up again. Maybe I’ll have to start up the Ladyblog again.”

“There’ll probably be a new pair of heros for you to chase, Alya. It’s been over twenty years, he’s probably retired or something.”

“Chat Noir might show,” she insisted. “He’s never been one to stray from a fight. He’s not bad, more than a little cocky in person, but he still gets the job done. He doesn’t hold a candle to Ladybug though, she’s the best.”

“You’ve met them?” Hugo asked, eyes wide.

“Sure have,” Aunt Alya bragged. “ I’ve interviewed them both too.”

“What’s Ladybug like?” Hugo asked, leaning forward. “She’s my favorite.”

Aunt Alya and Uncle Nino exchanged a glance so quick that Emma almost thought that she imagined it.

“Ladybug’s the best,” Aunt Alya said after hesitating for barely a heartbeat.

“Yeah, she’s really brave and smart,” Uncle Nino added.

“She told me some amazing stories during our interview.”

“She saved Jagged Stone once.”

“And she jumped into the mouth of a T-rex another time.” Aunt Alya gestured emphatically with her hands.

“She’s every bit as great as the stories.

“She’s better than the stories,” Uncle Nino corrected.

“Definitely.” Aunt Alya nodded in agreement.

After that, the conversation moved on to other subjects. Aunt Alya and Uncle Nino left after supper, Aunt Alya saying something about keeping an eye out for new developments. Uncle Nino just shook his head and winked at them over his shoulder, telling them to keep safe. Emma knew that he really didn’t mind Aunt Alya dragging him around, even though he made a big deal about.

Just knowing that this had happened before was comforting. Knowing that Aunt Alya and Uncle Nino were confident that everything would work out was even more so. Emma hoped that if Ladybug and Chat Noir were out there, they’d show up soon.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Louis wasn’t sure who had left the earrings on his bed. They were plain black and in a box that looked vaguely chinese in design. Maybe it was Maman’s, but if it was, it still didn’t explain how it had gotten there. Had Emma or Aunt Alya left it for him? Who cares, Louis thought they look cool enough. With that he tried them on.

He felt a surge of power coming from somewhere. That was definitely weird. Then there was this strange popping noise and suddenly a little red and black creature (Mouse? Hamster? Flying rodent?) appeared before him.

“Hi!” it said. “My name is Tikki. You have been chosen to wield the ladybug miraculous!”

Weird. Very, very weird. Louis did what anyone would do in this situation, he swatted at the thing and screamed. At least, he screamed until he remembered that Marie was a light sleeper and Emma would kill him if she woke up.

He stopped screaming. The thing apparently took this as a sign that he had accepted its presence and it immediately started talking about luck and kwamis or something like that made no sense, instead of saying anything that he would expect it to, like “Take me to your leader”(Louis watched a lot of science fiction movies).

Whatever it was, Louis wanted it out of his room. he slammed a basket over it and threw it out the window.  There, it was finally gone.

Unfortunately, the thing just flew back in through the windows. How did it fly through the windows? This day just kept getting weirder and weirder. When had things stopped making sense? Louis decided that he needed a second opinion. He quickly slammed a jar over the thing (for some reason it stayed put this time) and went off to find Emma. She would know what to do. She always did.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Emma almost didn’t notice the ring. She was exhausted and worried, so it wasn’t until she sat down and felt a lump where there wasn’t before, that she noticed it. After she got up to see just what it was that she had sat on, she examined the box. It was red and black, and vaguely chinese in design. Had Uncle Nino or Aunt Alya left it there? Or was it Louis’ idea of a prank? If it was, it wasn’t very funny.

After staring at it for a while, she opened it. Inside was a plain silver ring, simple and elegant.

She almost didn’t put it on.

She almost closed up the box and ignored in favor of getting at least a little sleep before little Marie woke up again. But the idea of wearing it was vaguely appealing, almost as if the ring was calling to her.

That was stupid. Rings were inanimate objects, she must be going delirious from exhaustion.

But she put it on anyway.

And nearly flung it off again when a black creature came flying out, screaming “Foooooooood!”

“Shhh!” Emma hushed automatically. “Don’t wake the baby,” she said in an urgent whisper. As soon as the words left her mouth she realised that it sounded really kind of crazy. Some weird crazy demon thing shows up in her room and her first reaction was to tell it to shut up?

Regardless of whether she was sane or not, the creature ignored her, biting at random things in her room. Not that there was anything that he could fit down his gullet in the first place since she had put up all the choking hazards after little Marie was born.

“I must be hallucinating,” Emma thought out loud. She couldn’t think of any other possible explanation for what was happening.

“You’re not,” the thing said from wherever it was, she had lost track of it. “The name’s Plagg, kwami of destruction, I give you the power of bad luck and destruction. You can harness those powers by saying  ‘claws out’. Capieche? Now, do you have anything to eat around here?”

“Claws out?” Nothing happened. She was most  definitely hallucinating. It must of been the mushrooms on the pizza. Maybe they had put hallucinogenic mushrooms on the pizza by accident. That could happen, right?

“Say it like you mean it, kid. And there’s no way I’m transforming on an empty stomach. Got any camembert?”

“No, who carries around camembert?” This was making less and less sense the more time passed. Emma stared at the wall across from her. At least that made sense.

“My last wielder did. Hopefully you will too, I’m starving over here.”

Louis chose that moment to burst into her room clutching a jar in his hands.

“Emma, help me. There’s this weird talking bug-bird thing in my room, what do I do with it?” Louis asked her in a frantic rush.  Emma just blinked a few times as he revealed a red and black creature that looked eerily similar to the black creature that was pestering her. Maybe they were both hallucinating. The idea was slightly comforting.

“Do you think those mushrooms on the were pizza hallucinogenic by any chance?” Emma hoped that his answer would be yes. It would make so much more sense than whatever was going on right now.

“No?” Louis tilted his head. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Nothing,” Emma hurriedly answered. So all of this was really happening. What a shame.

“Hey, Tikki. Any luck with your chosen. I’m getting nowhere with mine,” the black creature called out.

“Plagg! You’re scaring yours!” the red creature scolded.

“You don’t look like you’re doing much better.”

The two started to bicker. Loudly.

“Quiet! Marie’s sleeping!” Emma urgently whispered yet again.  “Let’s go downstairs to the kitchen to talk this out.” The last thing she wanted was for Marie to start screaming again.

“Finally, maybe you’ll actually have something to eat down there,” the black creature complained.

“Plagg, we have more important things to worry about than food!”

The two creatures started to argue again. Why couldn’t she just be a normal evening for once?

“Downstairs. Now,” Emma said in what Louis called her “Maman voice”. She was done with all of this.

They were quiet all the way down.

“So, what do you guys eat” Louis asked, breaking the silence when they finally arrived in the kitchen.

“Cookies, though any pastry will do.”

“Cheese. Primarily camembert.”

“We don’t have any camembert. We have a little reblochon,” Emma said.

“Fine, that will do for now. But you can’t expect me to perform well without camembert.”

“Plagg,” the red creature said in a warning tone.

“Fine, fine. I’m just saying, I’ve got standards.”

“Can someone just please explain what’s going on?” Emma asked, rubbing her forehead  as Louis lay plates of food in front of the creatures.

“My name is Tikki,” The red creature said in between bites of cookie. “And this is Plagg.” She gestured to the black creature.

“Hey, I mentioned that!” Plagg said.

Tikki glared at him. “Plagg and I are kwamis, beings of great power. We can grant that power to our chosen wielder,” Tikki said between bites. “Currently the butterfly miraculous is being misused by someone who is causing these akumas to appear. You two were chosen to fight the akumas and take back the butterfly miraculous.”

“So we get to be the superheroes who fight the supervillain?” Louis asked. “Just like in the comic books?”

“Mmhmm,” Tikki nodded.

“Cool!”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you,” Plagg muttered from his plate of cheese.

“Like Ladybug and Chat Noir?” Louis asked eagerly.

Tikki nodded. “Just like them. You two will be the new Ladybug and Chat Noir.”

This piqued Emma’s interest. “Tell me more.”

“Of course.” Tikki smiled.

The two teenagers sat spellbound as the kwamis explained everything.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Adrien urged on his champion. The man still hadn’t found the miraculouses and it was nearly midnight now. He had given the man the power he needed to succeed, why was he failing?

He reached out to the man’s mind to give it a shove in the right direction, only to discover that something had changed. His minion wasn’t focusing on finding the miraculouses, he was fighting something. Or someone. Possibly multiple someones. Who could it be? Who would be foolish enough to pick a fight with an akuma? Adrien needed to know more. He looked through his champion’s eyes.

When he first saw the ladybug, he thought it was Marinette back from the dead somehow. The hero moved with the same grace at the root of their movements, even if they lacked the skill that Marinette had developed over years of practice. He took a closer look

No. Upon further inspection, it clearly wasn’t his  ladybug. This Ladybug was male. He was a child, no more than a boy. Who was this person who thought that he could take the place of Marinette? No one would be able to fill the shadow that she had cast as Ladybug.

This new hero was to flamboyant, to showy. His costume was flashier than Marinette’s simple one. It looked more like the costume of a rogue from a period romance drama that of a of a hero.He wasn’t even a tenth of the Ladybug that Marinette had been. He had a gun for heaven’s sakes. What sort of ladybug wielded a gun? How was he supposed to fight with that?

There was another Chat Noir as well, but she was inconsequential. She didn’t make his blood boil with her very existence like this new Ladybug did.

The two of them were children, they didn’t stand a chance, Adrien thought, pushing back the little part telling him that he and Marinette had only been children when they had first started. But that was different. Sure, they had been bumbling teenagers at first, struggling to find their footing. But nobody had known what was going on. Not even Papillion. Everyone had been figuring stuff out, bit  by bit.

This time, Adrien had the advantage. He knew exactly what he needed to do.

He had to get their miraculouses. It was the only way. But taking jewels from heroes would be a whole lot harder than taking them from boxes in the possession of an old who was on the verge of dieing anyway. And if they were the heroes, that meant that he was a villain, at least in the eyes of the public. He probably should've thought of that sooner, but there were more important things on his mind then.

Adrien was not a villain by nature. But he would do anything to bring her back, and if that meant filling a role that was so contrary to his nature, so be it. It was only for a little while anyway. Only until he got the miraculouses.

Only until he could make things right.

Only until everything went back to normal.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Alya was psyched. There was a new Ladybug and Chat Noir and she was in the middle of it, just like she always was. This wasn’t like last time. Last time she had been young, inexperienced and impulsive. Now, she was one of the experts on Ladybug and Chat Noir and a professional reporter to boot. There was no way she was letting this opportunity get away.

Alya had been the first to see the two of them fighting over Paris. She had been the first on the scene to record and share with the world just what it was that was going on. Just like last time. When she really thought about it, not much had changed, really.

It was clear that these new heroes were still young and learning. They didn’t have the ease or skill that the last two had had. That would come with time. This Ladybug remembered to purify the akuma. He had learned from his predecessor's mistakes. Marinette would be proud if she could see her legacy being carried on.

They introduced themselves as the new Ladybug and Chat Noir before disappearing into the night, leaving as just as many questions as they had answered.

It was neat seeing how the new generation of heroes looked so different from the first. Ladybug had a dramatic cape and a mask that looked like a pirate's bandana. He almost looked like a rakish hero, the effect was only ruined by the red with black spots that seemed to come with the territory. Chat Noir on the other hand, had a much simpler outfit. It was reminiscent of Adrien’s costume, only this one had a very short poncho-ish cape, and this hero wielded a pair of daggers instead of a staff.

This was definitely the most exciting thing that had happened in a long time. Alya wanted to learn everything she could about what was going on.

She’d have to ask Adrien if he knew anything about these new heroes. He and Marinette claimed that they had given up their powers after defeating Papillion and taking his miraculous, but he couldn’t be completely ignorant could he?

Alya had so many questions that wanted answering. Was Papillion back? She thought had thought that the villain had disappeared for good after Ladybug and Chat Noir had defeated him the first time. If not, who was this new villain? What were they after? What were these new heroes like? There was so much to learn and so little time.

It Alya’s job to get answers, and there was no way anything was going to change now. Not when things needed knowing the most.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Louis loved the feeling of confidence and freedom that came with transforming into Ladybug. He could be just like those dashing rogues in books that were always rescuing swooning maidens and swinging about on conveniently placed vines or ropes.

He loved running across the rooftops with inhuman speed and skill. (He wished he could fly, but Tikki said that power would come with time.) He loved the feeling of pride that came with saving his home every day. He loved the euphoric feeling he got whenever he used Miraculous Ladybug.

He loved nearly everything about being Ladybug. The only thing he didn’t love, was that he was supposed to lead.

Louis couldn’t lead. He’s always been that one guy who slacked off in group projects and let the others do all the work. Emma had always the leader. She was good at it. But now, Emma was looking to him for plans since he was the one with the magical power that gave him whatever he needed to win.

Tikki told him that as a Ladybug he would be creative, charismatic, confident, lucky, and a natural leader. Sure, he was definitely creative and he had a lot of friends (did that make him charismatic?). People told him that he was confident (whenever he actually did something, which was rare). But a natural leader? That was hard to swallow.

Yet, surprisingly, he found that this whole hero thing was coming easily to him. Emma took the lead around the house, since Papa was showing up less and less, but on the battlefield, Louis took the lead. Things seemed simple there. It was like the videogames that Hugo played, or the adventure novels he read, only in real life. Strategies and plans just popped into his head. And they worked. (No one was more surprised than him the first time that happened.)

So, to explore this new leader aspect of himself, Louis decided that he should go and ask Papa about the first time that the akumas attacked Paris. Papa had been right in the thick of it after all, nearly all of his classmates had gotten akumatised at one point or another. When Louis first heard that, he had thought that it was one crazy coincidence. Surely he would know something that would make his job at least a little easier. He’d ask Tikki, but the kwami seemed to be sworn to secrecy on the matters of past wielders, even (or especially) the ones from only a generation ago.

It was hard to get a chance to talk to Papa. Nowadays, it felt like he only showed up at home to eat and sleep and sometimes he didn’t even do that. Louis wasn’t sure if that was because Papa felt that his work was just a lot more important, or because he was hiding from responsibilities. Eventually though, he found his chance to make his move.

“Papa,” Louis asked. “What was it like the first time Papillion attacked Paris?”

“The first time?” Papa made a strange face.

“Yeah, when you and Maman were younger. What were the akumas like?” Louis knew all about Ladybug and Chat Noir, everyone knew about them. They always learned about the heroes in school, never the villains, mainly because the victims were normal, everyday people who didn’t deserve to be remembered only for the one bad day that they had. That’s what they were taught at least.

“That was the only time Papillion attacked.”

“Everyone’s saying that he’s come back.” Who else could it be?

“We don’t know that for sure.” Papa’s tone was shorter than it usually was.

Louis shrugged. “We don’t know much of anything. So, could you tell me what the akumas were like.” He hoped that Papa would stop changing the subject.

“They were … all over the place.” Papa stared off into the distance, seeing something that Louis would probably never see for himself. “Some were crazy, others dangerous, and quite a few made no sense whatsoever.”

“Not much has changed, huh?” That sounded like what was going on right now. Maybe having crazy opponents just came with the territory.

Papa nodded. “Be careful. I don’t want any of you getting hurt.”

“Ladybug always heals everything.” That was his job after all.

“He might not always be there.” Papa stared off into space for a bit before raising his newspaper back up. Sensing that the conversation was over, Louis wandered off.

He hadn’t learned much, but at least he had learned something. Some of the things that Papa had said didn’t make any sense.

The only reason he wouldn’t show up was if he lost his earrings to Papillion. Or if he was sick or something. But most people didn’t talk about that happening. Everyone just assumed that they would win. Papa on the other hand had acted like it was only a matter of time before he lost a fight. But the old Ladybug had never lost a fight. Why would he?

It just didn’t make sense. But not a lot of things made sense anymore. Louis was discovering that unfortunately, that was just how life worked.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

They were calling him Papillion returned. They were saying that Ladybug and Chat Noir hadn’t done their job right the first time. They were wrong. He and Marinette had done nothing wrong the first time. They had just been a little too late to discover just who their opponent was, that’s all.

It stung to be called the very villain that he worked so hard to stop. It hurt to be compared to a man who he hated. But that was just all the more reason to get this job done quickly. He couldn’t let the ignorant words of people who didn’t know any better distract him from his goal. They didn’t know the whole story.

Marinette. Marinette was worth everything that he was doing. All he needed were the ring and earrings. He would just be reclaiming what had once been theirs. Once he got it, he could make his family whole again. He needed her. He needed things to return to normal soon.

Adrien sent his mind through his butterflies in Paris, watching, waiting, searching for an opportunity. There. He found one.

“Hello Matchrimony, I have a proposal for you.”

Maybe this woman would be the one to succeed.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Emma collapsed on her bed, completely worn out. Learning how to balance school, home, and superheroing was hard and exhausting. Papillion was sending out akumas every day. Today had been no exception. At least Aunt Alya and Uncle Nino could look after Marie while she was at school. That was one less thing to worry about.

Papa was absent yet again. She worried about him during the akuma attacks sometimes, if she had time to worry about that sort of thing, which wasn’t very often in the heat of battle. She had no idea where he worked (now that she thought about it, that was unusual, but the topic had just never come up), so there was no way to figure out how much the chaos was affecting him. For all Emma knew, he could work in an underground bunker, and that was the reason why he didn’t seem to notice that the akuma attacks were becoming more and more frequent. And more and more dangerous.

Emma missed her old Papa. The one who was always hanging about the house, ready with a pun or joke, and always willing to help with homework. But that Papa seemed to be banished to the same golden memories that Maman lived in. Now, Emma was the one taking Maman and Papa’s place. She was the one helping with homework and teasing and comforting Hugo when she got the chance. Which wasn’t very often with how busy she was. She wasn’t sure if she could fill such big shoes.

All she wanted to do was sleep. But noise permeated every inch of the house leaving no place for Emma to explore her newfound love of naps. Plagg yelled at her, asking for cheese, the radio yelled with the constant panicked chatter which had ingrained itself in Paris, Marie just plain yelled with lungs that seemed too big for her body.

Emma cursed Papillion, whoever he was, for making such a mess of her life.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Hugo hadn’t meant to get caught in the latest akuma attack. He had just wanted to go over to Clement’s house and play Ultimate Mecha Strike VI with him. Now, instead of joking with his friend while playing video games, he was running away from the onslaught of Paris’ latest monster.

It wasn’t fun.

He looked back. Oh shit. The monster was coming his way.  Oh shit.

Where were Ladybug and Chat Noire when you needed them? Panzerman was looking right at him and he was pointing that big gun in his direction.

Oh shit, oh shit.

He was going to die, and even though Ladybug brought back anyone who died, he didn’t want to experience that any time soon.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shitohshitohshit, oh shit?

Hugo’s panicked thoughts abruptly stopped as a a butterfly mask appeared over the akuma’s face and Panzerman turned away. What was that all about? Nothing like that had ever happened before. By all accounts, he should be nothing more than a smear on the pavement right now. So just what had happened? Not that he was upset, just confused. He was as glad to be alive as the next parisian, at least the ones who were still alive that was.

He was still mulling over what had happened a few minutes later when Ladybug and Chat Noir showed up (finally), and got him to safety.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

His son, his son, had almost gotten hurt. What was Hugo doing out there? Why hadn’t the boy been more careful? If Adrien hadn’t been able to stop the akuma in the nick of time, his son could’ve been killed.

He needed them to be safe. He couldn’t have his children dieing because of him. Even if Ladybug could bring back the dead now, there would come a day when he wouldn’t be able to.

Adrien needed to keep a closer eye on his children, even if that meant it would be longer until he got what he wanted. He had to make sure that they wouldn’t get hurt.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

When Papa started to be more worried after Hugo’s close call, Emma was hopeful that he would start to show more interest in other aspects of their life, like keeping house, for example. She was tired of taking care of everything by herself.

Unfortunately, it didn’t actually work out that way. It just became harder to sneak out and do her job as Chat Noir.

Papa wanted to know where they were at all times. He wanted them to communicate their locations to him even when he was at work, and he instituted a way stricter curfew. Emma wanted to tell herself that he was just being paranoid, but she knew that he had a point with akuma attacks  happening so often. She didn’t know whether to feel happy that he was actually paying attention and caring about what was happening, or to feel because she couldn’t save Paris if she couldn’t get out of the house. It was all just strangely frustrating.

Plagg was always encouraging her to relax more and take less upon herself, which was all fine and dandy when she was Chat Noir, but when she was Emma, too much was resting on her shoulders. She didn’t have time to take time off when there was so much resting on her shoulders. Little bits of Chat Noir did make their way into her life regardless.

She found that it was more natural to take a supporting role in class projects instead of taking control like she usually did. She was making more jokes (Plagg was rubbing off on her with those horrible puns) and laughing more. She also started taking a lot more naps. Naps were a wonderful treasure in her hectic world. How had she not noticed them before now?

It wasn’t that she had stopped being Emma, she had just changed and become someone new and a little different. And, maybe, she liked this new Chat-Emma just a little better than what she had been before.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Louis was all but banging his head against his desk when trying to figure out his physics homework when he heard a loud crash from Emma’s room next door. Glad for a distraction of any sort, he hurried in, finding Chat Noir standing over the broken remains of her science project. The ring on her finger gave a warning beep.

“You cataclysmed your project?” Louis asked, even though he knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Emma said softly. “It wasn’t cooperating.”

“That doesn’t mean that you should destroy it, now you’ll have to start all over again.” This entire experience felt surreal, Louis wasn’t supposed to be the voice of reason. That was usually Emma’s job, yet here they were, the tables turned.

Emma gave a wry laugh. “It sure felt good, though.”

Louis could understand that. He could name quite a few times when he had wanted to do something like that.

“Shouldn’t you, you know,” he shrugged and gestured to her costume.

Emma noded. “I should.” She looked down at her costume as if seeing it for the first time. “Claws in.” They both ignored Plagg as he popped out and started grumping about in the background.

“So what were you supposed do for this anyway?” Louis moved over to her desk and started looking through the papers on it. They had different teachers for science.

“We’re building trebuchets.”

“I don’t know much, but I can try to help. And who knows,” Louis winked, “Maybe all you need is a little luck.”

Emma gave a laugh, a real one this time. “Maybe.”

“This was always the sort of thing that Papa loved to help with,” Louis said as he swept the barely recognisable collection of broken parts into the trash can.

“Yeah, I’d ask him for help, but he’s never around anymore.” Emma said wistfully.

“Uh huh.” Sometimes it felt like they had lost both parents, and not just Mama. But Louis didn’t like to dwell on those sort of thoughts. He would much rather live life in the present, not the past. “So, what do you need help with?” he asked cheerfully, trying to change the subject.

Louis spent that evening helping Emma fix her project. It was strange how being Chat Noir and Ladybug was changing them. Emma never would’ve done anything like this without Plagg’s influence (Louis was pretty sure that destroying the trebuchet had been his idea). And if she had, Louis probably wouldn’t have stepped in to help her. Tikki hadn’t even needed to be the little voice of reason in his head this time.

Aunt Alya and Uncle Nino had just told him the other day that he was finally stepping up and acting responsibly. His friends and teachers were making similar observations more and more often. (They were more than a little surprised at his newfound tendency to take the lead.) Even Hugo looked up from whatever video game he was playing to to mention that Lois wasn’t nearly as much fun as he used to be. (Louis wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not.) He could only guess that similar things were happening to Emma.

Papa didn’t act like he noticed anything was different. But they rarely saw Papa anymore, let alone spoke to him. Louis honestly wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Papa lived at wherever it was that he worked.

Louis wondered if Papa even noticed that his children were changing at all.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Adrien hoped that he could overwhelm Ladybug and Chat Noir, but they fought and defeated every akuma he sent at them with ease. They were young, no older than he or Marinette had been (what was with the guardian and choosing children to be heroes?) but they learned so quickly, always gaining the upper hand, no matter what cards he held. Those children, his nemeses, were preventing him from gaining the power he needed.

They thwarted every move he made. They destroyed any attempt he made to intimidate Paris or to turn the city against them. They saved the day again and again and again, never failing to solidify their position as heroes in the eyes of the public.

They couldn’t keep winning forever. He had to succeed in his mission. He had to. He refused to give up, to admit defeat, to let these children come between him and his goal. Their miraculouses would be his. They had to be.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Emma cursed her bad luck. Of all the days for there to be an attack, Papillion had to choose their birthday. Couldn’t the man take a break for once? Admittedly, there were akuma attacks every day, sometimes more than once, but a girl could still hope.  It wasn’t that they had anything special going on in the first place, but it was the idea of the whole thing that she found insulting. Louis didn’t seem to mind to much, but nothing really bother Louis. Sometimes Emma wished that she could have his level of nonchalance.

They defeated the akuma quickly, but the annoyance lingered throughout the day.

Aunt Alya and Uncle Nino threw them a little birthday dinner party. It was just family, but Papa didn’t even show up. They had cake and presents, and stayed up late watching a cheesy movie, but without Papa there, it felt like they were just going through the motions.

Papa never showed up anymore. He had forgotten about her birthday. He had never forgotten something like this before.  If grief was what did this to him, Emma hated grief. She hated the thing that had taken two parents from her when death had only taken one. She hated it.

That night, sitting on the rooftops with Louis, Emma looked up at the stars and promised that she would never let grief turn her into something she wasn’t.  

Grief might’ve conquered Papa, but it would never conquer her. She was a superhero afterall.

AN: So… Angst, anyone? I’m currently undecided on whether or not Gabriel Agreste is Hawkmoth/Papillion, so in this AU, we have no idea who Papillion/Hawkmoth is. Anyway, in this fic I wanted to explore the idea that maybe Adrien isn’t the complete antithesis of his Father and maybe he just needed a push in the right direction to become like him. Now, I’m not saying that I think that Adrien is going to turn into the two (maybe one) men that he hates the most when Marinette dies. I’m just exploring possibilities.

I also wanted to explore the ideas of second-generation Ladybug and Chat Noir, namely Emma and Louis. Sorry, Hugo and Marie didn’t really play a big role in this story, so we don’t get to know them as well. Also, I happen to be a sucker for DjWifi if you couldn’t tell.

I hope you enjoyed the read. I have some sketches of Emma and Louis and their superhero forms which I’m going to post eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later.

[musthelpme-blog]

a long time later

Wow this is so crazy. Its summer 2019, I just graduated college. And I’m sad again.

First, a quick recap on my life. After the last post during my sophomore year in high school everything really did get better, so much better. I found a great group of friends who were everything to me and before I knew it I was happy again. Truly happy. I’m still friends with a lot of them today. Senior year I even started talking to boys! Then I found Yafi, my best friend and boyfriend for three years. We started dating at UVA on Dec 16, 2015. We broke up after my birthday in Feb 2019.

College was Yafi. He’s in every memory I have and he was the most important thing in my life for those three years. Life without him life is harder than I ever imagined it would be. Being in a relationship gave me stability I didn’t know i craved. After feeling so alone from family and friends, Yafi became my constant support who was always there through every up and down. And I took that for granted. I forgot what it was like to live without that support, and I broke up with him. It’s hard, so hard. 

Now, I moved back home after graduation. And I’m facing issues I didn’t anticipate. 

So, living at home again is terrible. I forgot how uncomfortable I am here. This house is filled with the memories of mental, emotional, and physical abuse. After living in complete comfort for four years I can’t believe I’m back to tensing up every single time my father comes home. My mom also went back to Sudan for a month. In the middle of the revolution. Although my mom was completely complicit in the abuse and I still have resentment towards her, I love her very much and she is the only thing that feels good in this home. I also am supposed to start working in September. A real job. Not ready. And I’m expected to be responsible for my parents livelihood from this point on. I can’t explain how much stress that brings me. I am also now talking to a 29 year old man who I met a month after my breakup. Crazy, right? He is great and amazing and wonderful. But this timing couldn’t be worse for me.  And his best friend since childhood passed away from stage 4 cancer just last week while I was visiting him. A lot to handle right now.

So I’m sad. The painful feelings from the break up hit me months late and then I feel like everything just came crashing down. I have the hole feeling in my stomach again. Some days I don’t get hungry anymore. One day I didn’t eat anything at all. I can’t live at home anymore. I started having thoughts of suicide again. I feel so down sometimes I wish I could just escape my body. I feel trapped in it, the physical feeling of sadness and anxiousness is too much. I don’t feel as bad as I did the first time, but I’m scared I’m going to end up there again.

Today i’m doing something I’ve never done before. I’m going to a therapist. I’m really nervous. My third year of college I was taken by police to the hospital and then to a “wellness center” because I was suicidal. So I don’t have a good history with counseling services. My therapist is a young white woman, I’m hoping it goes well. When I called, the nurse asked me “What do you have? Depression... anxiety?” I don’t know, I just wanted to let this all out finally. 

Maybe this appointment will be a turning point in my life? I hope things turn out like last time and I get to being really happy again.

[fandomtrashwriting]

New Beginnings Part 5

Scotland had taken Kyran off to the side, speaking in low tones “so, Kyran...I’ll be adopting you for while, alright?”

Kyran nods slowly, even as his brows furrow “but, what about mommy?” he asked. Scotland winced a little.

“Well, it’s been a very long time, about three hundred years or so” Scotland says, feeling horrid as Kyran eyes start to mist and he sniffles before he starts to cry, even as Scotland gathers him up into his arms and hugs him.

Scotland gently picks him up as Kyran wraps his arms around Scotland’s neck, still crying as Scotland rubbed his back and shushed him gently, walking slowly around.

Some of the children were walking around slowly, confused as they were being escorted to different rooms, rooms that will be their bedrooms for their time here until we can find their families, or at least find out why some of them are lying about their names.

But, he had little Kyran to worry about for now. Hugging the sniffling child closer as he reached his room, Kyran’s grip never loosened at all even as he opened the door awkwardly with his wrong hand.

He kicks off his shoes and lays on the bed, letting Kyran cry as he shushes him to sleep.

He hopes he did the right thing by telling Kyran the truth.

~Scene switch brought to you by smiling Vargas family~

Annabelle watches brothers closely, feeling like a wound up toy, ready to spring the moment she could. They had offered her to cook with them, but she had turned them down.

They were currently talking about shopping later, taking her out so that she could pick out what she liked. It made little sense to her, why would they care about her? Sure, they are North and South Italy, but what did that have to do with her?

The cheerful one, North Italy? He had been asking her about places she’d like to go for summer, or vacation. She felt like they were trying to poke holes into her, but they seemed too nice to really do that.

But the only place she wanted to go was as far as she could get from Him, or back into the ground, whichever happened first.

Italy and Romano had been trying to chat her up for the past several hours, trying to align places she mentions, see if they could pinpoint where she lived.

It turned out to be harder than they had thought since she also mentioned a few places in Spain. But, things that she was more truthful about was her age and birthday.

A few things she seemed to have deemed ‘safe' enough to tell them about, favorite color, pets she use to have.

At one point she slipped and even told them that her mother had died of cancer, but she wasn’t willing to say anything more on the matter.

After awhile, she became quiet and twitchy around dinner time, quietly refusing to cook with them. Italy however, kept trying to talk to her, filling the silence with a carefree and happy words.

The constant sound and talking seemed to work as her shoulders slowly unbunched and relaxed. Joining in with the conversation, but never giving away too much.

Dinner was served and they ate as they chatted. But, she still kept her distance from them., even when it was time for bed, a small smile and a polite goodnight following the sound of a door locking.

They still don’t know who she really is, but at least she’s feeling better around them.

~Time Skip brought to you by secretive children~

Annabelle stirs in her sleep, she felt restless, like she was being watched. The idea snapped her awake fast, sitting up quickly and nearly slamming her head into someone else’s. Her fright had already grabbed her and a scream had started to bubbly out as she held her sore forehead.

The other person took a few steps back, a hand to his jaw as he quickly shushed her “ah! Please don’t scream! I’m not here to hurt you! I’m the Roman Empire” her scream was cut off as she huddled further from him, shivering as she tried to rake her brain for who the heck is the roman empire.

“Um…..hi” she squeaks from her corner of the bed she’s managed to get herself into. The man frowns for a moment before smiling “you can just call me Rome if you want, or grand papa Rome”

She blinks at him “Grand...Papa Rome? Why would you call yourself that?” She asks Rome carefully, unsure who this guy way.

Rome however just lights up “Cause Italy started calling me that when he was a little child! Ahhh, how adorable he was” Rome had practically swooned.

Annabelle blinks “is ...Italy your son?” She asks curiously, but Rome laughs “No, just my grandson” and this, left her with a question “so then, where’s his dad?” she asked.

Rome hums softly in thought “well, not everyone born from countries actually become countries. Sometimes they start out like normal kids, and then something happens to their parents and then they become countries” he explained, watching her as she thought over what he said, but Rome perks up “ah! I nearly forgot! I wanted to ask ...why are you lying to Italy and Romano?”

Annabelle’s eyes go to the floor shamefully “I don’t want to go home...i don’t want to go back to that, please don’t send me back” she sniffles as she tries to hide her face in her arms.

Rome carefully reaches out and touches her arm “tell them the reason, I’m sure they won’t send you home, maybe you can try and tell me a little bit?” he suggests, a gentle and calm voice. Annabelle was agreeing before she knew it, settling down to explain everything to someone who she thought she made up in a dream.

[neverending2012]

My Journey To You Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

SUMMARY: Sam appreciates his family; Abby and Sam share quiet time together; Finn begins to heal his relationship with Lucy and Matt; Finn confesses to Sam about the details of his affair; LaTonya and Cooper get married; Cooper faces his past when his parents come to the wedding

RATING: Mature

WARNING: Cursing, Dark themes, violence and weapons, traumatic childhood memories

NOTES: I want to give a special Thank You to Whoknowstv for giving me the idea of what happens between Sam and Abby in this chapter; your insight is much appreciated!

A FAMILY AGAIN

Finn drove to the Star Pride Diner. Lucy was beside him in the front seat, staring out the window, ignoring him altogether and Matt was in the back seat, hunched over his tablet, playing a game. The day was gray, dull and cloudy. Finn remembered that when Matt was three years old, he used to call days like this "soggy days" because the rain made the ground soggy and wet, and his little red rubber boots would sink into the mud as he walked across the yard, splashing in puddles and looking for earthworms. Finn glanced in the mirror at his son.

"Hey, Matt, it's a soggy day," Finn said.

Matt looked up.

"Huh?"

"Uh, nothing," Finn said, suddenly feeling stupid for bringing it up at all; that was so long ago, when things were easier and all it took was watching an Elmo DVD and eating peanut butter and honey sandwiches to make everything better.

When they got to the diner, Finn parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt. Lucy didn't move. She folded her arms, and gave him a sideways glance.

"Dad, why did you bring us here?"

"I don't know."

"Really?"

Her tone was so like Rachel's when she was angry with him, dismissive and questioning, and suddenly he became a culprit in some conspiracy to keep them miserable.

"I wanted to spend some time with you."

Lucy looked away from him and said nothing. Finn looked at her profile, her short, pixie-cut, light brown hair had faint traces of gold hair glitter sparkling on her locks, a small, fake rose tattoo was on the side of her neck, and silver Celtic cross earrings were in her shell pink ears. She wore Burt's old gray windbreaker with a hole in the elbow; and cut off paint splattered jean shorts. She was a lovely mess.

"Are we just gonna sit here?" Matt said from the back seat.

Lucy sighed, unbuckled her seat belt, and got out of the car. Matt did the same, and soon all three of them were walking into the diner. After they were seated and given menus by a old, plump waitress with teased hair, who talked about how her arthritis was flaring up, before hobbling away to the kitchen.

Finn gazed at his children seated across from him in the red vinyl booth, staring at their menus and frowning. Matt's black t-shirt had a few bleach stains and Finn briefly wondered if he had tried to do his own laundry again.

The diner was empty except for an elderly couple in the back corner drinking coffee and reading the paper. The black and white tiled checkerboard floor shined under the light and the waitress' white orthopedic shoes squeaked as she walked across the floor, bringing them a pitcher of water, before leaving once again. His children ignored him, whispering to each other or saying nothing at all. He reached across the table and grabbed their skinny hands, startling them.

"I'm sorry for shutting you out."

"Fine," Lucy said, slapping her menu down on the table, "Can we go home now?"

"No, we can't go home. We just got here."

And silence settled between them once again. Finn knew that reconnecting with them wouldn't be easy, and their angry was justifiable; but he loved them too much to give up. He dug into his pocket and took out a quarter and dropped it into the tabletop jukebox. He selected an old Fleetwood Mac song called Gold Dust Woman and it began to play. Rachel loved that song. Her fathers would play it when she was a little girl, when they went on road trips through the French countryside, visiting small villages and passing by romantic gray stone castles and rolling green hills, while eating cheese sandwiches and drinking Orangina. Sometimes Rachel would sing it to him when he held her in the dark, drawing circles on his bare chest with her fingers, making him fall in love with her all over again.

He looked up and saw Lucy staring at him with tear-filled eyes.

"How could you?"

"Lucy I – "

"How could you play Mom's song?"

"I thought – "

"You never think. That's your problem."

Matt put his hand on Lucy's arm.

"Luce, it's ok."

"No it's not. You don't get to have her; not even her song." Lucy said, pulling a napkin from the stainless steel dispenser and wiping her tears with it.

"Lucy, I love your mother. What's wrong with you?"

"If you love her so much why did you cheat on her?"

Finn felt the air leave his chest. He was numb. The waitress came to the table, setting down plates of burgers and fries and left again mumbling something about getting their shakes and cokes.

"Lucy, how did you –"

"I overheard Aunt Mercedes and Mom talking in the kitchen. Mom was crying. They didn't know I was there. Nobody knows that I know except Matt."

Matt consoled Lucy by putting his arm around her as she cried on his shoulder, and a few tears slipped down his cheeks as well. Finn didn't know what to say about a tragic mistake he made so long ago, before Matt and Lucy were even born. His heart broke as he watched them cry.

"I'm sorry," was all Finn managed to say.

"Fuck you," Lucy said.

Lucy was generally docile and sweet and never cursed. Her venomous words came from a place of immense hurt; Finn could see that.

"Lucy, please I – "

"Leave me alone."

Finn turned to his son.

"Matt?"

Matt rubbed Lucy's back and looked at Finn.

"Take us home."

Finn asked the waitress to pack everything up in to-go boxes, paid the bill, and they left. But instead of going home, Finn decided to take a drive; he couldn't give up so easily. Lucy cried beside him and Matt sat stoically in the back seat.

"Where are we going?" Lucy asked, as they passed the road that led to Sam and Mercedes' house.

"I don't know."

"What are you doing?"

"I know that I love you and Matt."

"Take me home!"

Finn kept driving while Lucy yelled at him. It was raining harder than before, the windshield wipers swooshed and squeaked; the car smelled like French fries and hamburgers, and Finn felt Lucy's anger in his heart. She squeezed his arm, her small fingers digging into his bicep.

"Stop the car!"

Rachel had warned him, but he didn't know it would be this hard; she said that there was love under the hate; he wasn't so sure about that, but it kept him fighting for his kids.

"I want to get out!"

"Lucy, we're in the middle of nowhere," Matt said, a voice of reason.

That wasn't entirely true. They were on a narrow back road surrounded by woods, but it was far from nowhere. Finn continued driving until he couldn't take her screaming any more. He remembered her crying as a baby when she had colic and a fever and this was far worse; he was the cause of what was hurting her, not an illness, but his selfish, thoughtless actions. If he could go back in time, to the moment he met Sugar, and simply walked away, went home to Rachel, instead of letting her kiss him, things would be different. Or if he had stayed open to his kids, instead of running away from them when Rachel got cancer, this hatred wouldn't exist. But he couldn't go back, he could only go forward. He pulled the car over to the side of the road. He unbuckled his seatbelt and tried to hug Lucy.

"I can't undo what I've done but I am so sorry and I love you."

Lucy punched him hard in the face, and got out of the car. Matt got out too and ran after her.

"Lucy!"

She kept running down the road, Finn sat at the wheel, his nose bleeding; he forgot how strong she was; he had taught her and Matt how to fight, on sunny afternoons, they would practice hitting a freestanding punching bag in the backyard; he taught them how to hold their fists, bob and weave, and Rachel stood in the doorway, watching them, sometimes smiling, other times worried that it was all too violent, and those afternoons lasted forever it seemed, until the sunset, and the air turned cool, and his kids looked at him, all ruddy cheeked and breathless, and there was love in their eyes; he was someone who protected them and they could count on… and they would run a race to the house and Matt usually won, his skinny legs carrying him at lightning speed. Finn knew that Lucy let him win, because she wanted to see him smile and Matt loved to win, but Lucy wanted to stay beside Finn, to stretch out the sunset a little longer, hold his hand… she was Daddy's girl.

"You may not get that look again, but that's ok, just get them back," Rachel said.

Finn hopped out of the car, and chased after his children. Lucy and Matt were getting further and further away from him, and he couldn't lose them again, couldn't let them suffer alone any longer; the rain beat down on them, he was going to get them back, broken souls and all, they would be a family again, maybe not the family they were before, but they would be a family.

He could see their figures bobbing between the green-leafed trees, Matt's bleach stained shirt and Lucy's gray jacket were visible in the distance, as they ran through the woods, sticks crunching under their feet, ran pouring down on them. They kept running and Lucy tripped over a fallen branch and fell, landing on the ground, Matt was close behind and he went to her, crouching beside her as she slowly sat up. When Finn caught up to them, he collapsed beside them, he tried to put his arms around them, but Lucy punched him in the stomach, screaming at him, and he fell back on the ground, and then she was upon him, slapping and punching his face.

"Why did you stop? Why did you stop?"

Matt tried to pull her off of him, but Lucy stayed put, using Finn as an emotional punching bag, and he endured the pain if it meant he would get his daughter back.

"Stop what?" he said, gasping for breath, in between her ceaseless blows.

Lucy erupted into sobs.

"Loving us."

Matt coaxed Lucy off of their father and they sat together on the mud and sticks, arms around each other, crying in the downpour. Lucy's words felt like broken glass twisting into his heart. She thought he stopped loving her and Matt.

Without any hesitation or worry about whether he was good or bad or right or wrong, or if they would reject him again, he put his arms around them and hugged them tight, because it wasn't about him or his feelings, it was about them. He began to cry.

"I'm sorry. I know that sounds empty. But I will spend the rest of my life being by your side. I love you both, with all that I am. I hurt your mother a long time ago, before you were born. I can't explain to you why I did what I did because it's too complicated and fucked up to explain. But know this. I am your father. I've never stopped loving you or caring about you or wanting what's best for you. Even if you hate me forever; I will always love you."

"You abandoned us," Lucy said, "When Mom got sick, you stopped being our father, and now that I know what you did, you stopped being my hero. So what's left?"

"What we have right here."

"I don't understand."

"We start from pain and work from there."

"I'm tired of pain."

"So am I."

"I don't want Mom to die," she said, clinging to him, "And I don't want to lose you either, but I hate you right now."

"I know."

"I hate you too," Matt said, holding on as well.

Finn thought it was funny that for all their hatred, they held him tight, and he held them as they cried.

"Hate you so much," Lucy whispered into his neck, "Why did you go away?"

"I'm sorry," Finn said.

"You always kissed us goodnight," Matt said, "So I guess I knew you weren't gone forever, but it hurt anyway."

Even on his darkest days, Finn would tiptoe into their bedrooms to check on them and give them a kiss on the cheek. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"I don't know how to feel," Lucy said, looking up at him with his hazel eyes, "I wish you didn't hurt Mom, but she forgave you. I wish you were there for us when she got sick but now you're here."

Finn kissed her wet forehead.

"I made some awful, horrible mistakes, but I'm here now. I swear."

"I don't know…" Matt said, blinking through his tears, "Are you?"

He couldn't blame Matt's apprehension. It has been months since they had any real interaction. He would have to earn their trust all over again, no matter how long it took, and he was ready for all the storms that lie ahead of them.

"I am," Finn said, kissing the top of Matt's head.

They sat there a while longer and then slowly stood up, but Lucy had trouble standing, and Finn saw that her ankle looked swollen; it was slightly purple and puffy.

"I think you sprained it," he said, touching the bruised flesh, "Come on, I'll carry you on my back."

For the first time in a long time, she sort of smiled. Finn had given them thousands of piggy back rides over the years: going up the stairs at their house in Tennessee, running across supermarket parking lots with Matt whizzing passed them pushing an empty shopping cart while racing them to the car, walking on snowy sidewalks, puffs of white air coming from their mouths as they laughed out loud in the cold sunshine… that was long ago, but maybe for this moment, he could be her hero one more time. She climbed onto his back and he stood up, and then he held out his hand to his son, and Matt intertwined his thin fingers through Finn's huge ones and they journeyed together out of the woods.

QUIET TIME

Abby sat on the living room floor, between Sam's long legs, as he combed out her hair. The house was quiet. Mercedes had taken the twins to the park. Matt, Lucy and Finn were at the doctor, to get Lucy's ankle examined, and Hiram and Sean took Rachel for a drive to see the historic Star Pride covered bridges.

Abby and Sam were in their pajamas. Their empty superhero cereal bowls were on the cluttered coffee table, with remnants of Fruity Pebbles floating in rainbow colored milk at the bottom of each one; the maroon and silver Iron Man bowl was Abby's; and the red, white and blue Captain America bowl was Sam's.

A basket of clean, white sheets that smelled like sunshine and lilacs, sat on the love seat across from them. Sam's phone vibrated a few times beside him and he would glance at it for a second, but never answered it.

Abby loved mornings like this, just quiet with the sun streaming in through the windows, and the TV on low, and Sam combing her hair in that gentle way of his because he knew she was tender-headed.

He parted a section of her hair and began to braid it.

"After I finish your hair, let's get dressed and we can go out and do something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. We'll figure it out."

Abby smiled.

"Ok."

Then she started their game.

"Tell me a secret."

"Alright, yesterday at the supermarket, I ate six grapes in the produce section because I was hungry as hell and I didn't care who saw me."

Abby laughed.

"Really?"

"Yep. Your turn."

"Ok. I saw this boy I have a crush on at Walgreen's when Mommy was picking up your Ex-lax and corn remover, and she was already in line, but I was in the candy section and when I picked up a box of Red Hots, I looked up and he's right beside me and he's staring at me."

Sam began braiding another section of her hair.

"Then what happened?"

"He said hi."

"Did you say hi back?"

"Yes, really fast, and then I ran and got in line with Mommy and she said I didn't need Red Hots but let me get them anyway."

"What's the boy's name?"

"Travis."

"Oh."

"I was so embarrassed when he said hi. I got all scared. I don't know, it's fun and tragic all at once."

"It gets worse. Trust me."

"Do you think he thinks I'm pretty?"

"How could he not think you're pretty?"

Abby shrugged.

"I don't know."

"Well, if he doesn't, I'll beat him up for you."

Abby laughed, leaning her head against his knee, her temple rubbing against the soft cotton of his faded blue pajama bottoms. Sam tapped the comb against the tip of her nose, as she gazed up at him, his green eyes shined.

"You're more than pretty. You're smart, special, and just plain wonderful. And if any boy doesn't see that, he's not worth having anyway."

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me for the truth."

They grew quiet again and Abby felt warm all over. Then she remembered her Daddy; he would say stuff like that and make her laugh… he was so much like Sam. She stared out the window and saw a ruby-throated hummingbird drinking from the feeder that hung from the maple tree in the front yard; it's dark wings flapping at lightning speed, the sun shined on its black head and bright red throat. Since the living room window was open, letting in the morning breeze, she could faintly hear it's squeaking call as it darted about.

"We should put up a feeder in the back yard too."

"Good idea. We can buy one today."

"You know what else I want to do?"

"What's that?"

"I want to get ice cream cones from Kramer's. A double scoop of peanut butter fudge swirl."

Sam stopped braiding her hair and looked down at her with raised eyebrows.

"Double scoop?"

"I can finish it."

"You mean I end up eating the rest of it because you always get full half-way through."

"Oh, alright, single scoop, and I want sprinkles."

"Your Aunt Stacey could never finish hers either when we were kids."

Abby could picture Aunt Stacey as a blonde little girl with long hair, tanned skin, and fat cheeks, handing her big brother Sam her half-eaten ice cream cone on a hot summer day in Dusk Hollow, Tennessee. Then she suddenly realized that she missed her. Sam finished braiding her hair and fluffed out her big Afro puff in the center of her head; it was surrounded by rows of braids all leading up to it.

"I got a call from her the other day. She's trying to come visit next month," Sam said.

"I hope she can come."

"Me too."

He handed her a mirror to inspect his work.

"What do you think?"

She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled; she loved the hairstyle and the white Hello Kitty ribbon he used to tie around the Afro puff.

"It's perfect."

Sam leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"I'm glad you like it. Let's go get dressed and then we leave."

"Ok," she said, rising from the floor and stretching. She reached over and hugged Sam, feeling light, happy and loved and then it slipped out:

"I love you, Papa."

She wasn't sure why she didn't call him Sam the way she normally did, but Papa felt right, maybe because that's what Sam called his father; she wasn't sure, but now that her name was Tinsley Hummel, something shifted in their relationship.

"What did you say?"

"I said, I love you, Papa."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked at her.

"Do you want to call me that from now on?"

"Yes, if you'll let me."

"Let you? Of course I'll let you… I didn't want to push you and …" he stopped speaking and touched her cheek, "I really like the sound of Papa."

"Me too," she said.

GRATITUDE, LOVE, AND FAMILY

When Sam and Finn got home from work on Friday afternoon, both of them were bone tired and in foul moods. The day had been long and brutal: arguments with clients, late deliveries from vendors, last minute cancellations, the list was endless. And as they were driving home, they got a flat tire and had to change it during a heavy downpour that seemed to come out of nowhere; nothing went right for them that day. Sam had never cursed so much in his life. His lower back ached from changing the flat tire and from having to push the truck out of the mud, after they took a wrong turn and ended up in a shallow ditch at a construction site. Finn's face was bruised and his nose still out of joint since Lucy punched him a few days ago; he was muddy and sweaty too.

However the sun was shining when they got on the road again and that gave them a little reprieve, but as they opened the front door, all wet, dirty, and exhausted, instead of peace and quiet soothing their bad day tensions, chaos greeted them in the form of toddler and adolescent energy; the sound of feet pounding across the hardwood floors and a good amount of yelling.

Matt was chasing the twins around the living room growling, holding his hands up as if he were about to attack them; his face was painted like a bear, brown with a black nose, and he even wore fuzzy brown ears that sprouted from the top of his head and bobbed as he moved about; brown fake fur slippers were on his feet. He wore a red t-shirt and basketball shorts, his knobby knees had a few flesh-colored adhesive bandages and bruises on them due to a mishap climbing the oak tree in the back yard. Sam figured that the face painting was probably Lucy's handiwork since she loved that sort of thing. She and Abby had glitter stars and rainbows on their cheeks. Tubes of face paint and glitter were scattered all over the coffee table, spilling onto the stacks of unopened mail.

Rosy and Jake were laughing and screaming as Matt chased them; they didn't know whether to be scared or happy; it was all very exciting to them. Rosy was a fast little runner, her chubby legs and pudgy feet made many laps around the couch, while Jake was right behind her, only slightly slower than his sister; they were in pastel blue Mickey shorts and tank tops, and Jake had a faded pink floral print pillowcase tied around his neck, looking like a caped superhero; and Rosy wore a red clown nose.

Their hair was wild, sticking up every which way, Rosy's blonde kinky curls were spread out all around her head like a halo, and parts of Jake's straight black hair looked like he had touched one of those static electricity balls at the science museum, it defied gravity, and their eyes were wide and bright: Rosy's shiny and green and Jake's brown and sparkling.

Each shrill scream made Sam feel like someone was drilling a hole into his skull. He was dying for some Excedrin. Lucy and Abby sat on the brown leather couch watching the spectacle of the chase and laughing.

"The bear is gonna get you," Abby said as they ran passed her.

"No!" Jake shouted almost tripping over his feet, but he kept going.

The old Disney movie, the Jungle Book was playing on TV and the volume was high, Mowgli and Baloo were singing The Bare Necessities and dancing in the animated Indian jungle. Sam and Finn stood in the doorway staring at their children. It was simply too much for such a rough day. Sam put his fingers in his mouth and whistled so loud that it rose above the cacophony of noise. Everyone stopped and looked at them.

"Could y'all quiet down please?"

"Pa!" Jake and Rosy said running over to him, grabbing onto to his dirty jeans, not caring about the red mud caked on them. Ever since Abby had started calling him Papa, the twins took after her and began doing the same, though they failed to pronounce the second syllable. They idolized Abby and would try to do everything she did. Rosy even got Sam to put the same Hello Kitty ribbons in her hair too, once she saw that Abby wore them. In a way, this change in what they called him puzzled Sam because they heard her call him by his first name, and didn't copy that, but in the end it didn't matter, so he stopped trying to figure it out.

And despite his bad mood and fatigue, he scooped them up in his arms, his back and head throbbing, and he melted as they wrapped their little arms around him; smelling their sweet scent of baby lotion and the strawberry banana smoothies that Mercedes made them for an afternoon snack.

"Was the bear trying to get you?" he said.

They nodded and he kissed their cheeks, blowing raspberry kisses on them. Abby turned down the TV.

"Sorry, Papa, we got carried away."

Sam smiled at her.

"That's ok, Sugarplum."

She got up from the couch and hugged his waist, looking up at him with concern.

"Are you ok?"

That tore at his heart; he didn't want her to worry about him; it should be the other way around.

"I'm fine, just tired, that's all."

"We're exhausted," Finn said as he walked over to Matt and Lucy, giving each of them a hug and kiss on the forehead, "But I'm glad you guys were having fun," he said and pointed to Lucy's bandaged foot that was propped up on some throw pillows, "Feeling any better?"

"A little. It doesn't' hurt as much… Mom is taking a nap."

"I can't see how anyone could sleep with all this noise," Finn said.

"Mom can sleep through a hurricane."

Finn nodded.

"True."

Mercedes walked into the living room, wiping her hands on a dishtowel, a smudge of flour on her cheek; her green tank top and yoga pants were stained with what looked like tomato sauce. Her hair was in curlers and covered with a black silk scarf. Then Sam noticed the spicy aroma of his favorite gumbo wafting from the kitchen. The moment she looked at him; he knew that she knew what he was feeling.

He put the twins down on the couch and hugged her. She kissed him and said:

"Go upstairs, shower, and lie down. I'll call you when dinner is ready. I just bought a bottle of Excedrin and it's on the nightstand on your side of the bed. I love you."

Sam kissed her back, holding her tight.

"We're still on for tonight, right?"

"Of course we are, Mr. Hummel."

"Just checking Mrs. Hummel."

They kissed once more and he and Finn went upstairs to relax before dinner.

OOO

After he showered, changed into sweats, took his Excedrin and laid down on the bed, he sighed in relief, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about the day's awful events and about Mercedes and the kids. No matter how bad things got, seeing his family and loving them, always made him feel better. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. About an hour later, he felt Mercedes kiss his cheek. He opened his eyes and saw her leaning over him, smiling. She had changed into a short-sleeved cotton blue calico dress and her hair was in curled ringlets, red lipstick was on her lips, and sapphire stud earrings shined in her ears.

"Baby, dinner is ready."

He pulled her closer and kissed her soft lips.

"Did you get all prettied up for me?"

"Maybe," she said.

"You didn't have to," he said, kissing her again, "You're beautiful in a burlap sack… but I like this dress."

"Thank you."

"Could you stay here with me for a little bit? I need to hold you," Sam said.

"Ok."

He held her in silence, feeling blessed and happy, something about holding Mercedes did this to him.

After a few minutes, his stomach growled.

"Come on," she said, getting up, "You need to eat."

Sam reluctantly got up from the bed and taking her hand, they left the bedroom and went downstairs to the dining room where everyone was just sitting down to the table. Finn and Rachel sat beside each other; she wore her wig and a touch of lip-gloss, a pink silk shawl was wrapped around her thin shoulders. Lucy sat next to her, filling the glass red rooster napkin holders with stacks of white napkins; and Matt and Abby were putting the twins into their high chairs.

A big, black pot of gumbo sat in the middle of the table, beside a silver pot of steaming hot jasmine rice and a glass bowl of tossed green salad with fresh basil. Mercedes also made a batch of buttery yeast dinner rolls that were in a brown wicker basket; covered with a clean white dish towel, and a clear plastic pitcher of homemade sweet tea with mint leaves floating on the surface was placed next to it. Sam and Mercedes sat at the opposite end of the table. Rosy's high chair was beside Sam and Jake was next to Mercedes. Once everyone was seated, all of them held hands, bowed their heads and Sam said grace:

"Our Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food. Feed our souls on the bread of life and help us to do our part in kind words and loving deeds. We ask in Jesus' name, Amen."

Then everyone began filling their plates and talking at once and it was all so… just so good. It made Sam's heart glad. He grabbed Mercedes' hand and kissed it; she made their home a sanctuary through her love, laughter, and heart that blessed them and their lives everyday: her beautiful voice singing early in the morning as she brewed a pot of coffee, tickling the twins' bellies while she dressed them, holding Sam tight and not saying a word when he needed it most, standing Abby in the mirror and reflecting back all of her wonderful worth… there were too many moments to count; and he was so grateful to her, and later on that night he planned to worship every inch of her voluptuous body; show her how grateful and honored he was to be her husband.

Even though Rachel couldn't eat much, she sipped on sweet tea and joined in the various conversations, laughing and joking with all of them. He liked how she was at every meal with them; her presence brought warmth and love and Matt and Lucy needed her there.

The gumbo was delicious; it was Sam's favorite comfort food. The smoky Andouille sausage and juicy sweet tomatoes were flavorful and the rice was tender and fluffy and went well with the gumbo. He thought about when they planted those tomatoes in the garden, Abby and Mercedes wore big straw hats and Rosy was strapped to his back and Jake strapped to Mercedes; the sun shined down on them and the rich, black soil squished between their fingers; and now they were eating those tomatoes in a family meal; it amazed him how much time had passed.

He closed his eyes and felt everything around him; the clinking of glasses, the sound of forks and spoons tapping against the ceramic plates; Rosy and Jake chatting away in their own baby language, their little voices saying words in their unique way - car became 'cah', and tomato became 'mato', Mercedes giggling at something Finn said, Abby trying to recall a melody of a song Lucy liked and singing the first few notes, somewhat out of tune; the aromas of bread, spicy sausage, onions, tomatoes and butter floating around them, and the brush of Mercedes' satin soft skin against his whenever she leaned against him and held his hand…

This was life. And he loved it.

TRUTH AND CONFESSIONS

As the sun was setting in the horizon, the fading golden light shining on them, Sam and Finn sat on the back porch drinking cold bottles of beer. Hiram and Sean came for the kids and took them to the movies. Rosy and Jake were in the living room with Mercedes and Rachel watching Dora the Explorer. So Finn and Sam slipped away to talk for a while. Every week they found time to open up to each other again, like they did in the old days, and it was benefiting both of them. Finn called them emo sessions.

He caught Sam staring at him out of the corner of his eye, so he said:

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Lucy really nailed you, didn't she?" Sam said, gesturing toward his nose, "I mean you look like Rocky."

"Shut up, man," Finn said laughing, taking a drink of his beer, "I taught her too well."

"Maybe you did."

"What did Rachel think?"

Finn sighed.

"I don't know. What is there to think? There's a lot we have to process. You said Santana was a good therapist, right?"

"Look at Abby."

"Good point. I want us all to go to her. This is far from over."

"Damn right, it isn't," Sam said, leaning back in his chair staring out across the yard, "Finn, be straight with me."

"About what?"

"Why did you cheat on Rachel?"

Finn wasn't sure he wanted to dig into that grave; he never talked about why, just always apologized, begged for forgiveness, but the why, that was harder to provide. He hung his head.

"I never felt good enough for Rachel. When we got married… well you know how her fathers are, I was competing with rich people, smart people, better people… she gave up so much for me that I felt this constant pressure to live up to this crazy standard I couldn't really define. Then when we were living in Minnesota, I hung out at this coffee shop a lot, I'd go there on breaks and stuff and this girl named Sugar who worked there had a crush on me, she was 21 and she thought I was everything and – "

"Rachel thinks you're everything," Sam said, his voice low.

"I know that now. I was stupid then. Anyway, Sugar thought I was already who I wanted to become. She was an artist. She sketched me on a park bench one morning when it was snowing. Then she invited me to her apartment. I could've said no, I should've said no, but I didn't. She didn't have a car so I drove. When she got in my truck, she closed the door, leaned in real close to me, I can still smell her weird perfume that she made by mixing together oils and herbs; it smelled like vanilla and musk, and I can see that port wine birthmark on her cheek, and she kissed me and I didn't stop her because… because it felt good and I felt good about myself with her. No standards, no French words being thrown around, no talking about places I've never been, or foods I've never eaten. She was meatloaf, potatoes, and baseball, just an ordinary girl."

"That liked screwing other women's husbands," Sam said.

"Yeah," Finn said, not even angry, only remorseful, "And I gave in, didn't resist, and I kept kissing her and the car heater was running and she was… she wanted me, she kept saying she wanted me, over and over again."

Sugar unbuttoned her tight black mohair sweater, revealing ghost white skin, her black hair had neon blue streaks, and was so long that it hung passed her tiny waist, Rapunzel hair and sky blue eyes… She took off her sweater and bra. Snowflakes swirled around the truck, landing on the windows, and Finn brushed away her hair, and gazed at her full, heavy breasts, whiter than pale, like a porcelain doll, and he held them, his thumbs grazing over her pert nipples, rosy and faded, and delicate as flower petals.

"So we climbed in the back seat and it happened."

"And that's when Rachel caught you?"

"Yeah, she was supposed to meet me there that day, and I forgot, and she saw my truck and came over and looked inside and – "

"I can figure out what happened next," Sam said, opening another beer and taking a drink, "Was it worth it?"

Finn gave a mirthless laugh.

"Hell, no."

"I can't believe this happened."

"Neither can I. I love Rachel. I always have and always will; it's just that in the beginning, I doubted myself, and her love for me, which was unfair and selfish, but that's the truth. And I was so ashamed, I couldn't tell anyone. So I kept it a secret."

"You knew who Rachel was before you married her."

"I know. I just didn't know who I was."

"Yeah," Sam said.

"I hate you," Rachel said, standing in the parking lot, snowflakes falling on her scarlet wool coat, tears running down her cheeks, her face flushed red.

"Rachel, please – "

"You're not who I thought you were."

She took off her wedding ring and threw it on the ground, it landed on the snowy pavement, a sad sparkle in the fading sunlight.

It was two years before she put it back on again.

"You'll have to give Matt and Lucy time," Sam said, "Earn their trust again."

"I won't abandon them again," Finn said, finishing the last bit of his beer.

Sam squeezed his brother's hand.

"I know."

"I've never forgiven myself for the affair, and I can't forgive myself for ignoring Matt and Lucy when they needed me most. And I don't know if they will ever forgive me."

Sam was quiet. The breeze was growing chilly. He finally looked over at Finn and said:

"Forgiveness is hard to grapple with, all I can say is try to forgive yourself and do better. Be better everyday for your family."

"I will," Finn said.

THE WEDDING, THE PAST, AND THE FUTURE

LaTonya had never been so happy to see Sam, Mercedes, Abby and the twins. They arrived at the historic Ivy Mansion Hotel in Nashville on Saturday afternoon; the hotel had been around since the 1900's, and had just undergone renovations, restoring the antique crystal chandeliers, and the yellow, blue, and green painted glass skylight ceiling with a design of intertwining roses and ivy located in the main lobby.

The hotel was designed in Beaux-Arts style architecture, combining French and Italian Renaissance styles. Everything was stately and ornate from the tall, arched windows to the winding double marble staircase with decorative scrolled black iron hand rails. She saw them come in through automatic glass doors of the gold marble floored lobby, pulling their black wheeled luggage behind them, gingham diaper bags on their shoulders, and pushing a double stroller. She was speaking with the stressed out blonde coordinator in her office about the wedding on Sunday, and saw them through the glass partition.

She wasn't in good spirits. That morning, when she weighed herself, she saw that she had gained ten pounds and while she knew the cause of the weight gain was joyous; it also made her feel self-conscious too. Thankfully her wedding gown fit. But then she got a call about her father; they had to take him to the hospital because his bout with pneumonia was more severe than they thought, and he had a high fever, and given his advanced age and weakened immune system, he was put in the ICU and he was in stable condition. Cooper asked her if she was sure she wanted to go through with the last minute wedding and she said yes because she knew that her father would have wanted her to, being the man that he was.

She excused herself from the coordinator and ran over to them. When she hugged Mercedes, she burst into tears. And Mercedes hugged her tight, and shushed her.

"Shhh, LaTonya, sweetie, it's ok, we're here now."

"I'm so happy to see you."

"I can see that," Mercedes said, smiling at her, wiping a few tears away from LaTonya's cheeks.

"Is everything alright?" Sam asked, giving her a hug.

"I'm just all over the place emotionally."

"Where's Cooper?" Abby asked, also giving LaTonya a hug.

"He's discussing the dinner menu with the chef."

"Oh."

The twins were asleep in the stroller. LaTonya smiled down at them.

"They're adorable. They've really grown."

"Tell me about it," Mercedes said, "Time flies."

"I'll let you guys get checked in. Why don't we meet back here in an hour and we can have lunch?"

"Sounds good," Sam said.

"And remember, everything is already paid for," LaTonya said.

"It is?" Sam said, his eyes widened with surprise.

"Yes, we wanted it that way."

"Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome."

They said good-bye and LaTonya went to finish her meeting and to go back to her room to relax before lunch.

OOO

"That LaTonya is such a nice girl," Mrs. Anderson said, "I'm so happy that you're finally settling down." She was a petite woman with raven black hair and violet eyes; people often said she resembled Elizabeth Taylor; she wore a purple linen suit with a matching pillbox hat, and smelled like Shalimar perfume.

"Thank you, Mother," Cooper said, squeezing her tiny hand.

They were at a soul food café in downtown Nashville; the small restaurant had red checkered table cloths covering the round tables and black and white photos of blues singers like Muddy Waters and Big Mama Thornton covering the bright red walls. LaTonya chose not to come because she was having lunch with Sam and Mercedes, and he missed her terribly. Mr. Anderson had wanted to try it out because he loved soul food.

"She's pretty as a picture too," Mr. Anderson said, looking at the menu, "Sweet girl. Shame about her leg." He was tall with broad shoulders, white haired and mustached and had the same crazy blue eyes as his son.

Cooper let the comment slide; he knew his father meant no harm, though it irked him.

"So Father, what are you getting?"

"Fried okra, catfish and collard greens."

"Nice choice."

"Dear me, I'm not sure if I…" Mrs. Anderson frowned at menu, "I guess I'll get the broiled pork chops. I hope they're good."

"I'm sure they will be," Cooper said, reassuring her.

Mrs. Anderson patted his hand.

"Cooper Mycroft Anderson, we have something serious to discuss with you."

"And what would that be?"

"Why did you keep LaTonya a secret all this time?"

"Mother please, I never kept her a secret."

"I beg to differ. We just met her today and you're getting married tomorrow. Did you think we would have an issue with her?"

"No, not at all."

"Then why the secrecy?"

"I have a busy life. We couldn't find time to visit."

"Balderdash!" Mr. Anderson said, "Blaine found time for us to meet Kurt."

"I'm not Blaine."

Mrs. Anderson opened up her little white purse and took out a lace handkerchief, and dabbed her neck and forehead.

"I wish they would turn up the AC. I'm wilting."

"You'll survive, Mildred," Mr. Anderson said.

Mrs. Anderson ignored him.

"We never said you were Blaine. I guess it's all water under the bridge. I'm excited to have her as a daughter in law. She's so normal."

"What do you mean?"

"You know that you were always different and that concerned me a lot. I was afraid you might end up with - "

"With someone as abnormal as myself?" Cooper asked, his voice tinged with anger.

"Now, don't get upset, but yes, you never socialized much, always locked away in your room."

"If I recall correctly, neither you nor Father, did much in trying to connect with me. So I was left to my own devices, since Blaine was the 'easy' child, the 'normal' child you spent all your time with him, but of course, that's water under the bridge as you say."

Mrs. Anderson took a sip of her ice water.

"That's not true. We tried our best with you."

"By sending me away?"

"That institution was highly regarded. We didn't know that – "

"I was beaten and bullied. I was only 10 years old. It was shut down by the state for improper practices."

Mrs. Anderson's eyes welled up with tears.

"We've apologized and apologized for that. We thought we were doing what was best for you. You were so unhappy Cooper, sometimes you simply banged your head against the wall, and when we asked you why you said you wanted to feel something, as parents we didn't know what to do, a doctor friend suggested the institution."

"You thought I would hurt Blaine didn't you?"

"It crossed our minds."

"I never hurt Blaine."

"We know you didn't. We were just…"

"Being cautious?"

"Yes, you weren't particularly violent. Just sullen, angry and distant. You had to have everything a certain way, at certain times. You couldn't hold conversations. You never smiled. Everything agitated you. Sometimes you would wander around the house at night and yell at us for moving your toys, throwing tantrums. And you would stare at Blaine with such hatred, and nothing we were doing worked. It was a horrible decision to send you there, one that we regret everyday."

"I was the one who protected him when he came out, and we were getting death threats. I'm the one who taught him to box."

"We know and we were wrong. We're sorry," Mrs. Anderson said, crying into her handkerchief; "We should've believed you.

"Then why didn't you change when I got back? Why did you stay away from me?"

Mr. Anderson hung his head.

"You were so angry. Enraged. We wanted to give you space."

"You were afraid of me?"

"I don't know if it was fear, but when we hugged you, you would push us away. Touching seemed painful for you. Asking you questions, anything… we were at a loss."

"You wanna see my gun?" the boy said. His name was Drake and he was in the institution for violent behavior. He was three years older than Cooper and walked with a limp, the bright fluorescent lights reflected off his Coke bottle glasses. Cooper wondered how he could get a gun passed the guard inspection but didn't dwell on that technicality.

"No," Cooper said, crying. The older kids had pelted him with rocks and shoved his face in the dirt. One of them even kicked him in the stomach. He threw up blood. The headmaster wouldn't let him call his parents and told him to grow up and stop blubbering. The month before they had broken his arm.

"If you had a gun, people wouldn't bother you."

"Really?"

"Uh huh."

"Do you know how to fight?"

"Sure. I can teach you. Show them my gun and kick their asses. They'll leave you alone."

Cooper thought about it for a moment. Blood trickled from his lips, his eye was swollen shut and his parents sent him away for being difficult. What did he have to lose?

"Ok," he said, lying back on his bed.

"We'll start tomorrow." Drake said.

"You gave up on me," Cooper said, "You apologized but you abandoned me. I know a little girl who was mute due to a tragic event, and her mother never once gave up on her; she fought through pure hell for her child; it was too much for you so I suppose you thought I would figure it out, is that it?"

"No, that's not it at all," Mrs. Anderson said.

"Do you really want to know why I didn't let you meet LaTonya until today?"

"Why?" Mr. Anderson asked, staring at him, his eyes tearing up again.

"Because she truly loves me. Just as I am. She knows all the good and the bad and every morning she kisses my cheek and tells me she loves me. She doesn't expect me to be normal. I didn't want you to ruin that for me; somehow, poison everything with your conventions and crazy logic, my God, why did I even ask you to come? This was a mistake. I lied and told her you were good, kind Protestant people, only because that's how you portray yourselves, but you're nothing but a couple of old cowards. I'm ashamed to call you my parents."

"Cooper please…" Mrs. Anderson, said, reaching across the table for his hand, but he pulled away from her.

"No. No more. When I got back the reason I hated you touching me was because I knew you had given up the moment I walked through the door. I saw it in your eyes, your body language, your silly conversations, everything, it was all there. You were waiting until I was 18, just waiting for me to leave your cozy suburban home, no longer spoiling your Norman Rockwell image. And I was ready to leave. So glad that I did," Cooper felt tears come to his eyes, his parents had not seen him cry since he was a little boy and they sat there flabbergasted, watching the single tear rolling down his cheek:

"I asked you to come today because I thought I could win your love. It seems I was wrong about that. I've been trying to fill that space for so many years; every time I think I have, I keep coming back to that 10 year old boy you left on the stone steps of that horrific place; you didn't even say good-bye. You just left. But I'm no longer a child. I'm a grown man. Tomorrow, I'm going to marry the most wonderful woman in the world and she's pregnant with our child and we'll be a happy family together. You don't deserve a place in that happiness. I suggest you leave tonight."

Drake and Cooper chased down the two boys that broke his arm. Cooper kicked the shorter boy in the shins, and he fell to the ground, he took the butcher knife that he swiped from the dining hall and held it to the kid's throat, drawing blood as it pierced his Adam's apple.

"Do you want to die?" He asked the boy, squirming beneath him, unable to breathe.

"No."

"Then stay away from me. Because if you don't, I'll kill you." He stabbed the boy in the arm as hard as he could and the kid screamed. Then he and Drake beat up the other kid and took turns holding the gun on him. It wasn't loaded, but the kid didn't know. He pissed himself, he was so scared. They punched him a few times and left him in a crumpled heap beneath the big oak trees. The bullies never revealed who harmed them out of fear for their lives. It was such a bright, sunny morning, and the first bell was ringing, and blood was on his hands.

He was 10 years old. He had five more years to go. He was only allowed home once a year and he would only be there a week; he tried to tell his parents, but they didn't believe him. Nobody ever bullied him again, but he endured isolation, humiliation and cruelty from the staff. They tried to physically punish him, but he was too skilled a fighter for that to work, so they put him in a locked room with no one to talk to and told him he was bad, and in that room, no matter how awful it got, Cooper vowed that he would save every person that ever suffered and didn't have a voice and he would play music in his head and write sonnets in his sleep.

Cooper got up from the table and left his parents sitting there. He didn't care if he never saw them again. Maybe he would feel differently once the baby was born but he doubted it. He could hear his mother crying and his father consoling her, whispering in her ear, and he saw the other customers glance over at the elderly couple in distress; and he opened he door and the bell above the door jingled and he kept walking, not once looking back.

OOO

When Cooper told LaTonya that his parents wouldn't be attending the wedding. She merely opened her arms and they lay together on their hotel bed; he cried as she held him. And when all his tears were shed, LaTonya said:

"We're ok. Tomorrow, I will become your wife. I love you."

Cooper kissed her, wondering how he got so lucky, maybe it wasn't luck, maybe it was… he couldn't name it, so he felt it instead and they made love until the sunrise filled their room, casting a soft pink light on their nude bodies. Safe, warm, loved, intertwined with one another; that was all he ever needed.

OOO

"Do I look alright?" LaTonya asked Mercedes, standing before her in a white strapless silk wedding gown that accentuated her perfect, hourglass shape; lace appliques were on the bodice and the hem of the train, she wore diamond stud earrings and a beautiful heart shaped diamond pendant necklace. Cooper asked that she wear her hair in an Afro, which she did, and she wore a jeweled headband. They were in the bridal suite getting ready; the room was gold and white with plush cream colored carpet, and gold tapestry curtains hung from the windows.

"You're gorgeous, LaTonya, do you even have to ask?"

LaTonya turned around and looked in the full-length mirror. The glamorous woman staring back at her took her by surprise, and she smiled.

"Well, I cleaned up rather nice."

"That's an understatement," Mercedes said handing her the bouquet of white roses, "Come on, they're expecting us."

LaTonya hugged Mercedes.

"Thank you so much for being here. I've never had many friends and this means a lot to me. And you look beautiful too."

"You're welcome and I'm happy to be here."

Mercedes wore a soft peach silk dress with a full A-line skirt, and Abby had a dress that was similar, but it wasn't as long. All three of them wore jeweled headbands in their hair. They were able to get all of their dresses and accessories at the last minute because Cooper knew a lot of people who owed him favors. LaTonya didn't ask any questions; she was just grateful that it all worked out. He also knew the owner of the hotel and that made everything easier.

Just as they were about to leave to go to join the others in the hotel courtyard, her phone rang. She saw that it was the hospital and her heart dropped. She quickly answered it.

"Hello."

"Yes, am I speaking with LaTonya Randall?" the woman said.

"Speaking."

"This is Dr. Smith, I'm calling about your father."

"How is he?"

"He's doing much better. In fact, he wants to speak with you."

"He does?"

"Yes, hold on."

"Hi there Princess. I woke up and remembered what you told me about today. You're getting married, is that right?"

LaTonya was shocked that he even remembered.

"Yes, Daddy, that's right."

"To that man with the funny blue eyes."

"Yes, his name is Cooper."

"Oh, ok. I just wanted to say that I love you and I know you will be happy. You deserve every bit of happiness that God gives you, do you understand? Every single bit. If I was better, I would've walked you down the aisle. I'm so proud of you LaTonya."

LaTonya let the tears roll down her cheeks.

"Thank you, Daddy, I love you too. Now you do everything the doctor and nurse say, ok? I want you to get better."

"I'm feeling right good today, Princess, right good. I'll be seeing you soon."

"Good bye Daddy."

After she ended the call, she felt Mercedes touch her shoulder.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm better than I've been in a long time. I just had the first normal conversation with my father in years. He understood I was getting married."

Mercedes hugged her.

"That's wonderful, LaTonya."

"Yes it is, isn't it?" She said wiping her eyes, "I'm ready."

OOO

Abby walked down the gray stone walkway in the courtyard first, with Mercedes and Sam behind her, followed by Blaine, and finally Paul Dill, who was last in line, was behind him, and when they all reached the round white trellis decorated with garlands of purple and pink violets and bunches of lavender, and where the gray-haired chaplain stood waiting, they formed a circle. A pianist played Chopin's Nocturne Opus No. 9, as the procession took place. Kurt was the only one seated in the audience along with Carrie, Rosy and Jake. All of the men were dressed in tuxedoes.

The courtyard had a round stone pond in the center of it and was surrounded by wildflowers, in varying shades of pink, purple and blue. Then Cooper and LaTonya walked down the stone path together, their shoes clicking against the hard surface, their arms linked, and both of them were crying. When they reached the circle, their wedding party stepped aside and let them into the center and then they formed the circle again, this time holding hands, enclosing the bride and groom. The music stopped. Abby handed them a long garland made of wild violets and ivy.

Handing her bouquet to Mercedes, LaTonya held the garland with Cooper and together they recited a Celtic Caim prayer as they made a circle around themselves using the garland, briefly stopping at certain points as they lay down the garland:

"Circle us Lord, Keep protection near, And danger afar."

"Circle us Lord, Keep light near, And darkness afar."

"Circle us Lord, Keep peace within, Keep evil out."

"Circle us Lord, Keep hope within, Keep doubt without."

May you be a bright flame before us

May you be a guiding star above us,

May you be a smooth path below us,

And a loving Guide behind us.

Today, tonight, and forever."

When they finished laying down the garland, they held hands and faced each other. Then the chaplain spoke, but Cooper wasn't really listening. He was too busy staring into LaTonya's beautiful brown eyes. She was exquisite, and no woman could hold a candle to her; her smooth skin glowed like onyx in the sun, her hair was shiny, fluffy and full, and her body was the epitome of feminine warmth and beauty: soft, sweet curves, broad hips, and a lovely round back side. And now she had their child growing inside her. He didn't care about how much he was crying; it didn't matter. He and LaTonya were surrounded by love, friends, family and God, and he felt safe to let down his guard and show his joy.

"Cooper, you may recite your vows," the chaplain said, breaking into Cooper's thoughts.

"LaTonya, I stand before you today, in the center of our sanctuary, to vow to you that I will always keep you safe, and I will form a circle of love around you whenever life brings you harm. I never thought I could ever fall in love or get married or even have a family, because, for a very long time, I thought I was unlovable – "

LaTonya began to cry, shaking her head.

"No, you're the most loveable person I know. Please don't say that. I love you."

Cooper smiled.

"Sweetheart, let me finish. There's more."

LaTonya wiped her eyes.

"Sorry, I got carried away."

"I understand. As I was saying, I thought I was unlovable and too different to ever have a family so I decided to live my life alone. That is until I met you. You listened to me, cared for me, and challenged me. When the pain cut too deep and the nightmares too terrifying; you stood by me. I've never met a more caring human being than you. You faced a lot of obstacles in your life but you always saw the good in people and you saw the good in me, and that opened my heart to this, what we have is so wonderful, it's beyond words, music, everything, I feel it at the very core of my being. You are in my circle, dear LaTonya, and I love you so much. I promise to honor our marriage and family; to be there for you during your triumphs and failures, to laugh and cry with you and grow old with you. Everything I have in my soul, belongs to you. I vow to be the absolute best husband to you and best father to our child. I love you LaTonya and I'm honored and blessed that you will be my wife and mother to our child."

He hugged her tight and kissed her lips, and then he got on his knees and kissed her belly while hugging her waist, much to her amusement, and she laughed as he stood up again, and they whispered I love you to each other before he stepped back, and it was her turn.

"Cooper, I love you, and I am so happy to begin this chapter of my life with you. Just so you know, I never want to hear you say you are unlovable again, because you're not; your heart is bigger than most peoples' it just beats differently, and that's ok. I allowed you to see parts of me, physically and emotionally, that I rarely share, but with you it was safe, and you made me feel so loved and cherished. I love the unique song you hear. I love your passion and intelligence, but most of all I love how you are so fierce and committed to us and I vow to put in the same effort to our marriage. Whatever comes at us, I want to be by your side just as you'll be by mine. I'm staying right in this circle with you. I promise to give all that I am to being a good wife and mother. I want us to grow together as one. I love you, Cooper and I am blessed to become your wife and mother to our child."

They exchanged rings and the chaplain said:

"With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride."

Cooper hugged and kissed her, their tears mixing together. He heard their friends and family clapping and cheering for them, heard the pianist begin playing Chopin again, and it was all so far away, and the sound that drowned everything out, was LaTonya's voice in his hear, telling him how much she loved him, her heart beating against his, he felt the vibration, and pulled her closer, loving their shared rhythm, becoming one soul.

OOO

They had dinner in a private dining room at the hotel. It had a long, dark mahogany table, covered with a gold Laylani lace tablecloth with a floral design, and gold tapestry dining room chairs surrounded the table. A crystal vase filled with white roses was the table's centerpiece with two white pillar candles encased in gold lanterns burning on either side of it, giving off the subtle scent of vanilla.

Each place setting had fine white china edged in gold and shiny silverware with decorative scroll handles. As they were about to be served the first course of a green salad and crab bisque, Blaine asked Cooper if he could speak to him privately. Cooper sighed and agreed to talk to him, but not before he shared another kiss with LaTonya and excused himself, saying he would be back in a few minutes.

Blaine led him outside of the hotel and they began walking down the street. The air was heavy and muggy; and an old saxophone player wearing a red beret and red suspenders was the on corner, leaning against the streetlight and playing Careless Whisper, dragging out each note.

"Where exactly are we going?"

"I just wanted some air and some privacy to talk to you," Blaine said, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring down at the sidewalk.

"About what?"

"Mother and Father."

"I'm too happy right now to discuss them. I'm going back to my wife," Cooper said, turning around, but Blaine grabbed his arm.

"No, please hear me out."

"Make it quick."

"I never understood everything that happened. They said you were in boarding school. I had no idea how bad it was."

Cooper sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"Blaine, I know. I never blamed you. I resented you. But I never blamed you."

"I get that, but I want you to know that I'm sorry if I ever made you think you were unlovable or said anything to – "

Cooper shook his head.

"That wasn't about you specifically. It was about a lot of things."

"I see. Is there anything you need me to do?"

Cooper reached for Blaine's hand and squeezed it.

"Be my brother. I know we aren't close but I wanted you in my wedding anyway."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

Blaine stared at him, his dark eyes shined beneath the red neon lights of the jazz club sign that blinked above them.

"I love you too."

"Now that's it's established that we are indeed siblings who love each other; I want to go back and have dinner with my wife."

Blaine put his arm around him.

"You like saying my wife, don't you?"

"Very much."

"LaTonya is a wonderful woman."

"I know," Cooper said, "For the first time in my life I'm really happy."

The two walked back to the hotel, a new bond forming between them.

END NOTES: Thank you for reading and reviewing my story! Sam's prayer is from the website Daily Prayer. The Celtic Caim prayer is slightly changed and it's found on the blog jtalexanderiv.