#❴ self ❵↬❛I WAS IN DARKNESS ーSO DARKNESS I BECAME❜

[bokuaosubs]

Transformation (Yagi Toa 9th blog)

I’ve realized that it is already the second half of July, Just a little while ago, I was feeling a little sad seeing all the hydrangeas that were blooming so beautifully around my house wither away completely.

It is already summer, so it is a natural thing to happen, but、、

Thank you for coming to see me.

I am Boku ga Mitakatta Aozora’s Yagi Toa, 16 years old, first-year high school student, born in Tokyo.

Everyone, how often do you look back on your old photos and videos? 💭

Recently, Since there was no storage left on my smartphone, I was sorting out my photos, and I found this photo taken around this time a year ago, so I am going to post it! ✨

Ta-da !

And this one was taken to prove my identity in order to buy a live concert ticket! (that’s why the quality is so bad…) ↓

To be honest, ! Around this time a year ago, my hair length was short, and I had a bob cut〜‼︎ 👩🏻☀️

[I had this hairstyle] For the first time in my life! (Although my family didn’t like it much、、、）

Everyone, do you prefer long hair, or do you like the bob cutー？

Please let me know ！！

Also, when I was a child, I didn’t have bangs ! ↓

(I got this photo from my dad the other day 👨)

Haven’t I changed a lot since I was a kid!! I am also surprised [by that]。、、

As you can tell from the pictures, And from the feeling in my eyes, When I was a child, I used to be a little stronger mentally, It seems like I had a little more self-confidence…

When I was a kid, I felt like I could make any dream come true, I felt like I could be anything I wanted to be !

I had this unconditional faith in myself, I wonder if my dreams were big back thenー what kind of things I thought or what kind of things I didn’t think about、、、💭

There are people who dreamt of becoming a hero or some heroine that saves the world, aren’t there? I used to do that too! lol

“That kind of thing isn’t possible”ーis what I think now, but now that I became an idol, and although I may not be able to save the world directly, [I realized that] even someone like me could also become an idol!

While thinking that, I feel – a little – as if, If I could become someone’s hope, or perhaps move them emotionally, Although the form [of the dream of becoming a heroine, someone who can save people/the world] is a little different, if I work hard then I can maybe make that dream come true!!

I understand that this isn’t, by any means, such an easy thing to do！。

Before I became an idol, for me, idols were that kind of hero/heroine-like existence that saved me by showing me a bright future when I couldn’t imagine anything but a dark one.

That is why I want to be that kind of idol, so that I, too, can become something like that!!

If you were to ask me, Well then, what do you think an “idol” means to you now? No matter how much I think about it, I still don’t really know…

It is true that I am now living in a future that I couldn’t have possibly imagined a year ago, but I am sure that that is true for all 23 of us.

There are many days where I think that “It’s difficult”, “It’s painful”, “As expected, I am not suited to be an idol”, but Recently, at times like this, I try to remember my thoughts at the time of the auditions, or the thoughts from one year ago.

That’s right, [all of] it is so that I can become something/someone like this too, I am doing this so that I can bring someone hope or move them deeply , aren’t I! It makes me want to try and go for it a little harder.

It is very important to look back at the reason [you started doing something].

Most likely,

There are a lot of days where I don’t notice or can’t put the small changes in myself into words, because I am not that sharp, and there are days where I may feel lonely or frustrated, but, I hope to improve and change in a good way, little by little.

And then, someday, I hope to be able to repay the kindness of all the people around me that are supporting me, and all of you who are cheering me on. I still can’t think of a way to do that, and I don’t know if I will be able to repay that kindness, but, I will do my best.

In my blog, there are always words such as “I will do my best” at least once, and these words are tacked on really frequently, so I am worried that I might end up promising something like this and then not do it.

I want to do my best, and I plan to live my life while doing my best everyday, but, I wonder if that seems like nothing but intentions without action from a third person’s perspective、、、 No, I am probably overthinking it, right. lol

Sorry.

Somehow it feels like I ended up writing another stuffy and formal essay….

Having said that, until now,

I wrote about my changes and recent thoughts, but

To tell you the truth, ! In the September issue of B.L.T that is now on sale, you can read about how Suzu-chan’s, Karen-chan’s or my feelings have changed, and also, things like what happened at the time of the MV shoot、、、！

The two of them mentioned me [in their interview] as well.

And then, there were a lot of interviews released in “Gekkan Entame” as well, !

↑ This is a picture taken at that time‼︎💙🤍 The blue sky was beautiful、、！

I would be happy if you checked it out ！！

I will stop here for today。‼︎ 🙇‍♀️ I’m sorry that it ended up being so long.

Thank you very much for reading until here.

That’s all! This was today’s Yagi Toa!!

[TL by: K

QC by: yuzuiro]

[nightblessed]

1 reVAMPed tag dumpー

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Laito [VAMPIRE ENDING]

ー The scene starts in the hallway at Eden

Yui: ( ...I’ve reached my limit...!! I... )

Laito: Yui-chan...! Hang...in there!

Yui: Laito-kun...Uu...

Laito: I’ll save you right now...!

ーー Kuh, uu...!!

Yui: ( Laito-kun...At this rate...! )

Laito-kun...Just forget about me...and runーー

Laito: I refuse...!

*Rumble rumble*

Yui: Laito-kun!!

Laito: !!

Yui: I’ll be okay so...

Laito: Don’t say that...I will...save you...!

*Rumble rumble*

Yui: ( Laito-kun...!! )

Laito: Come on! Don’t close your eyes, grab my hand...!!

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“My life has been worth it, simply because I was able to meet you. ...Thank you.”

“Fuck...! These stupid flames...! ...But don’t worry, Bitch-chan. I’ll keep you safe.”

Yui: ...!!

Laito: ...! Thank god...I made it just in time...

*Rustle*

Laito: Ugh...

Yui: Laito-kun, did you hurt yourself...!?

Laito: Fufu...It’s just a scratch...

It’s such a trivial matter, when I consider I could have lost you.

Yui: Laito-kun...

Laito: Even if I have been nothing but a marionette my whole life, my love for you is genuine.

Just like you said.

Even if everything else went exactly according to his plans, there’s at least one thing.

One thing which that guy has no say in. That’s...our feelings.

Yui: Yeah...You’re right.

Laito: I’ve been aimlessly walking around in a thorny forest, and tried to forget about the pain by numbing my own emotions.

However, a cute princess who wandered into that forest...she reminded me.

These feelings she taught me...They are forever.

Yui: Yeah...

Laito: My feelings are the only thing I can say are entirely my own. And what this heart of mine seeks outーー

That is the sole truth in my eyes...

Yui: Yeah...Exactly...You’re right. Laito-kun...

Laito: Cough cough...The fire...! Fuck, they flames have reached this far...

Yui: Ugh...

( Is there no way out...? )

( However, now that our hearts have become one, I feel like we found happiness regardless... )

*Flash*

Yui: ...Eh?

Laito: The door...The door to the Chamber of Time...opened...?

Yui: What is happening?

( It refused to even budge when Laito-kun was screaming at the top of his lungs. )

Karlheinz: ーー You who are fit to be Adam. You have been granted entry.

Now, step forward aiming for Eden.

Laito: ...!?

Yui: Karlheinz-san?

ー They enter the Chamber of Time

Yui: ( This is the Chamber of Time...It’s a very mysterious place... )

( I’m scared, yet strangely calm at the same time... )

Laito: ...

Karlheinz: No need to glare at me like that, Laito.

Laito: I’m not glaring. I just figured there’s something I should tell you beforehand. 

I’m no longer your puppet.

Karlheinz: Hmph.

Laito: I’m not quite sure what you’re setting me up for. However...

I have zero interest in carrying on your intentions.

No matter what those may be.

Karlheinz: I see. That is a shame.

Laito: The fact you don’t seem to feel any regret at all really gets on my nerves. ...Honestly, I can’t believe you...

You knew I would turn out like this, didn’t you?

Karlheinz: ...I wonder?

Laito: You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you. I bet you know what comes next too, don’t you?

Karlheinz: ...

Laito: Your silence proves that I’m right. Why did you let us in here?

Karlheinz: To give my blessings to the anticipated future. 

Laito: Your blessings? 

Karlheinz: You, who has become Adam, allow me to entrust you with this power...

Laito: ...!?

Karlheinz: You have become the first Demon who obtained the truth and learnt to experience human sentiment.

Therefore, I shall grant you my strength. Come on, accept it.

You will need these powers.

Laito: ...No thank you.

Yui: ...?

Laito: If you want to see me die from sheer self-hatred after accepting those powers, then go ahead and force them upon me.

Karlheinz: ...

Laito: I don’t care what you think. I’m free nowーー

Karlheinz: I see.

Laito: Goodbye.

Karlheinz: ...

ー The scene shifts back to the hallway

Yui: Laito-kun, are you sure you did the right thing?

Laito: Nfu~ I did. I don’t want those powers at all.

Come on, let’s go. Let’s leave Eden together.

Yui: ...Yeah...

Laito: I’m sure many trials will wait ahead of Adam and Eve after they’ve left Eden.

But you’ll come with me, right?

Yui: Yeah, of course!

ー The scene shifts back to the Chamber of Time

Karlheinz: ーー Good grief.

Socrates: Despite sighing, you seem happy somehow.

How does it feel to play the part of the ultimate villain?

Karlheinz: What happens to me is of no concern. As long as I consider that this will aid in the birth of a new humankind. 

Regardless of the circumstances, I have lost this fight.

Socrates: I think you are the only person I know who could rejoice in a loss, my friend.

Karlheinz: ーー Let us put the match on hold for a while.

Socrates: Very well.

Monologue

Surrounded by a sea of flames,

the two of us fled Eden hand-in-hand.

Amidst the scorching fire blocking our path,

Laito-kun somehow seemed happy.

At last...

We might just have obtained,

the freedom we’ve always wished for.

*TIMESKIP*

Monologue

In the end, it turned out that the one who set fire to Eden back then,

had been Shin-kun.

Afterwards, this escalated into an all-out war,

between the two Founders and the other demonic races.

The Sakamaki and Mukami brothers quickly became involved in this conflict,

with every day being just as busy as the last.

However, Laito-kun is the only one...

who insists that the war is none of his business.

He seemed to be enjoying his new freedom of mind to the fullest.

Perhaps they had realized this, 

but despite the many complaints from his brothers, none of them opposed his behavior.

I believe this might have been his brothers’ way,

to show that they actually do care about Laito-kun.

ー The scene shifts to the forest

Laito: ーー Phew. Now we just have to put a stone on top. ...There.

*Thud*

Yui: Done?

Laito: Nfu~ It’s complete. Come on, this way. I want you to be the first person I show this to.

*Rustle*

Laito: What do you think?

Yui: ーー I think it’s great. I’m sure Cordelia is very happy as well.

Laito: Fufu, I’m not so sure about that?

Yui: I’m positive.

Laito: When you say that, I’m tempted to believe it.

Yui: ( Cordelia’s grave. I was very shocked when Laito-kun suddenly said he would make her one. )

( This shows that Laito-kun was finally able to make peace with his past and move on, right? )

Laito: ...

Yui: I wonder if she’ll be able to rest in peace now?

Laito: Well, I doubt it.

Yui: Really...?

Laito: I mean, she was quite the fierce personality after all. The word ‘peaceful’ just doesn’t apply to her.

ーー However, now I’ve come to realize that this might have been what made her pain twice as bad.

Of course, I suffered too, and was hurt in many ways. However, by doing so...Sheーー

When I consider that she did those things, hoping that perhaps it would make Karlheinz finally look her way...

She suddenly seems so miserable..pitiful, and so very pathetic...

Yet incredibly sorrowfulーー

Yui: Laito-kun...

Laito: Her ways were wrong. However, that was a fate none of us could have escaped.

As a result, I was hurt. However, this is also what allowed me to eventually meet you.

Because I have had to bear many struggles (1), there was a truth to be discovered at the end of it all, don’t you think?

Yui: Yeah, I’m sure.

Laito: ...

Yui: ...

*Rustle*

Laito: ...

Yui: Um...Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?

Laito: Yeah.

Yui: ーー Even though you’re crying?

Laito: Nfu~ These are happy tears because I’m thinking of our future together.

Yui: You’re joking around...even right now?

Laito: I’m not joking. How cruel.

...Come on, let’s go.

Yui: Yeah...

Laito: ーー See you. Mother.

Yui: !!

( Laito-kun referred to Cordelia as ‘Mother’ for the first time ever... )

( ...I’m glad. )

( With this...Laito-kun’s heart has truly been set free. )

ーー Where are we headed next?

Laito: Nfu~ I guess we should return to the human world for now? I’m pretty sure we’ll get involved in some annoying conflict if we stay here.

Yui: You haven’t made any concrete plans yet?

Laito: No. Not really. Disappointed?

Yui: No, Iーー

Laito: ‘ーーI will go anywhere as long as we’re together!’, right?

Yui: ...!!

Laito: Ah, I was right? I figured so. Well then, let’s depart to our lovely castle in the human worldー!

Yui: A castle in the human world...?

Laito: Nfu~ A wonderful place~ You’ve got nothing to worry about if you just leave everything to me.

Yui: ( That sounds a little fishy coming from him but oh well. )

( I also like that side of him after all. )

Laito: Ahー I’m so excited. Let’s do all things we’ve missed out on so far...Like ‘this’ and ‘that’~

Yui: What are you thinking of?

Laito: Eeh~? You’re curious? Sure, I don’t mind telling you...

Yui: N-No, nevermind, I don’t want to hear...!

Laito: Nfufu~ Oh come on, don’t say that. My precious Princess Bitch~!

Yui: Don’t call me that...!

Laito: Eeh~? Let me think? I can’t help myself when you protest like that though?

Yui: Laito-kun...Please...!

Laito: Nfu~ Then, ‘cutie’~

Yui: T-That’s kind of embarrassing too because I’m not used to you calling me that...

Laito: Eeh? Really? Then, ‘Bitch-chan’?

Yui: Yeah, that’s fiーー Wait.

That one’s getting a no too!

Laito: Fufufu~ I can’t believe you want to be called ‘Bitch-chan’. Honestly, you’re just so...Nfu~ 

ーー Very cute!

Yui: ...!!

( Laito-kun’s this happy yet he can still be himself. )

( That...makes me happier than anything else. )

( Since you remain by my side to this day, we can both vow our love for each other. )

( Now, until foreverーー )

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) He continues to use the ‘thorns’ metaphor here, saying that he walked a path full of thorns. 

[writer-akihiko]

Chapter 4 - Confession [STARISH]

Chapter 5 →

Otoya Ittoki

There was no way he could confess his feelings to you like a regular high school romance.

One realistic reason was you not being there. You currently are doing a short tour in the northern regions.

Otoya's excuse was he was afraid. He was self-conscious to the extent he would compare himself to his bandmates.

His thoughts would turn slightly dark. He would be reminded of you hanging out with the other members and his slight jealousy.

Since he couldn't talk to you personally, Tokiya gave the idea of video calling. Otoya finally gathered up his courage and asked to call you.

"Hello Otoya-san..." You greeted. Your appearance took his breath away. You weren't exactly in a formal manner; you had a sweater and messy hairstyle going on. Your casual look had Otoya blushing.

"Otoya-san?"

"A-Ah... Hello YN-san..." He quickly covered up his redness by shifting his headphones. "How's your tour going?"

You sighed. "It's exhausting, but it's going well. Tomorrow is the last day, which I'm glad."

Otoya couldn't hold it in anymore. "That's not why I called you."

"W-What other reason would you have?" You were surprised at his forwardness.

"I... To put it simply... I like you YN-san. I... I liked you since our first interaction! Actually, I might've liked you since before!" He stopped himself. "I know I'm younger than you... You have a proper career and I'm just an idol who hasn't made it yet... But I want you to take my feelings seriously! I really want you to consider them and give me a proper answer."

You stared into the camera, completely red. No one had ever confessed to you so... passionately.

"O-Otoya-san, I need t-time to think about my proper replyー"

Beep

Call Ended

How was the quality ofー

Otoya exited the app. You had ended the call on your own. He buried his face into his mattress. Your blushing face was too cute.

You screamed into your blanket. "Why did I end that call?! I'm such an idiot..."

Masato Hijirikawa

For showing excellent hospitality ー in spite of your spicy prank ー ST☆RISH invited you and a few of your other friends to visit the music campus of Saotome.

However, the members of ST☆RISH had another motive. They wanted to give Masato a chance to confess.

Masato, in turn became your guide as you were his. He led your around, showing you the classrooms, performance halls and studios.

"It's much quainter than the sports campus..." You commented, snickering at the end. Even you had to admit, you were one who would not sit still and be pretty.

Masato nodded in agreement. "I mostly spend my time in ST☆RISH's practice room. It's where I create my compositions."

"You write your own pieces?! I wanna see~" You said.

Masato became a little flustered. "It's nothing impressive. Most students have to acquire the skill some point in their course."

"You saw me play basketball. Return the favour and let me see you play," You persuaded. He finally gave in and led you to the practice room.

He played a couple of ST☆RISH's songs for you.

You clapped in applause. "You composed that? That's amazing!"

He offered to play an unfinished piece under editing. You had the same enthusiasm and complimented his skill.

"I haven't been able to write new pieces lately..." He confessed.

"Why is that?" You asked. You thought what he wrote was beautiful. "You have everything you need," You said. "Records, atmosphere, inspiration fromー"

"A muse. I'm missing a muse," He said.

"Like those naked modeー"

"No!" He cried out. "I mean you! I adore you! I like you and I can't write anything without it being about you!"

You stuttered for a moment. "W-What?"

"I..."

You stopped him. "I'm sorry. It's just no one's ever confessed so... passionately towards me. About my reply... I need time Masato. Please..."

He nodded, hanging his head in shame. You shut the door behind you.

Natsuki Shinomiya

He came moments before closing time and ordered his favourite parfait. It was slightly awkward, him snacking at the window seat while you wipe the counters alone. Your uncle had gone out for mahjong night with a couple of his friends, so you were alone at the shop.

Natsuki didn't bother making small talk, which concerned you. Maybe he's having a bad day...

You decided to leave Natsuki by himself since he didn't look like he wanted to speak to you. You glanced over your shoulder to check up on him. Your eyes meet.

His eyes simply bore into yours, as if he were staring at you this whole time...

You quickly turned away, face all red. What are you doing YN? You're an old woman and he's in school...

Clink!

You fully turned your body to Natsuki. He was done with his parfait. You sauntered over and lifted the serving cup. Before you could turn away, Natsuki held your wrist in his hand.

"(Y/N)-senpai... Will you go out with me?" He asked, innocently.

You paused to process the whole sentence. "Natsuki-san... please don't joke with me," You begged, your face steaming red.

"Why would I lie to the woman I love?"

You couldn't take it anymore. You dragged Natsuki out the door and shut it in front of his face. "I'm sorry Natsuki-san. I need to think about this and give you a proper reply. Thanks for coming..."

He smiled through the door. "Make two Piyo Pies for us to share tomorrow! Sayonara!"

You pressed your forehead on the door. He really is a goof... A lovable goof...

Ren Jinguji

Why oh why did he forget?

Out of everything in his schedule, it had to be a photoshoot.

Haruka didn't attend the photoshoot to escort you to the train station. You were leaving.

And he forgot.

"Ren?" Tokiya called out.

Ren grabbed Tokiya by the shoulders. "I need to get out of here. I need to confess to her."

Tokiya calmed the male down, reassuring him. Cecil ran up to the pair.

"I called Haru-chan. She said if you miss your chance at the train station, you can try Sapporo Airport," He said.

Ren was confused. "You planned this?"

"Masato did," Tokiya confirmed. "Ringo's outside with his car. Go get her."

"Thank you, guys."

With no time to waste, Ren scrambled around the studio and sprinted out of the building. Ringo and Hyuga waved to Ren from the car. They instantly sped away to the train station.

"YN!" Ren yelled out to you. You had your suitcase clutched by your hands, patiently waiting for the train.

"Jinguji-san... What are you doing here?" You said, astonished by his appearance.

"I couldn't let you leave without telling you..." Ren gasped. He was panting from running to you.

PHWEET!

"Jinguji-san, I appreciate that you came here to see me, but I have to go," You said, moving away from him.

"Wait!"

You put your suitcase and luggage in the train. You leaned out the sides of the entrance to hear what he had to say.

"YN!"

The train squeaked against the tracks. It shifted.

"I LOVE YOU!"

She was gone.

Cecil Aijima

You had asked to practice dancing with Cecil again. Cecil was more than willing.

He had a plan. And he had to execute it perfectly.

You two met up at ST☆RISH's dance room. Cecil set up the music and you two got lost in the music.

You twirled around with Cecil and giggled along when he would freestyle. He smiled, taking in your beauty.

When the song came to an end, Cecil lifted you up and twirled you around.

"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"

His outburst snapped you back into reality.

"Cecil! Cecil!" You called out for him to let you go. He was concerned at your cry.

"What's wrong?"

"Were you serious?"

He was smiling from ear to ear. "Of course I was! You just have to confess to me, back right?"

You were too overwhelmed and got away from him. You took your things and exited the room, which confused him.

Syo Kurusu

He had told you to wait under tree. He didn't say anything about why he wanted you wait there.

You awaited under the tree, fiddling with the sleeves of your hakama. "Where is he?" You muttered.

"Miko YN!" Syo ran up to you. "So sorry I'm late..."

"Ah... It's alright. Why did you call me here?" You asked, leaning against tree.

Syo froze on the spot. "Well... I..."

"What is it?"

"I..."

"Kurusu, just spit it out. I won't say anything."

"Don't!" He blurted out. "I need you to say something. I need a reply from you..."

"What is it that you need so desperately need me to reply to? A confession? (1)" You said, puzzled.

"Yes. I love you, Miko YN. I want to go out with you," He said.

"WHAT?"

"THE HOLY MAIDEN RECEIVES A CONFESSION!"

"SHE'S TOO PURE!"

You had to be honest, you loved Syo's love confession. Stupid shrine guards... running your dream confession...

Tokiya Ichinose

He decided the one way to win your heart was the old-fashioned way. A love letter.

So far, he'd been getting information from Haruka and other friends you hung around. Tomochika offered to plant the letter in your notebook. He just had to pray for the best.

You had been getting hints from Haruka and Tomochika. Especially questions about dating and relationships.

"Okay you two," You called out. "What's going on? You keep asking me about dating when half the guys in the school aren't even allowed to date."

Tomochika giggled a little. "Come on, YN. You gotta hope for a little!"

"I'll consider if I get any confessions," You said. "But if I don't consider them, I would turn them down in person. It feels cruel to tell them by message."

By the evening, when you were making a new chapter for your manga, something slipped out of your writing book.

A... letter? A love letter. You were quite excited, immediately opening the letter.

My Writer,

I am not the greatest with the pen, but please bear whatever criticism you have with my words.

The one reason why I wrote this is to confess my suppressed feelings for you. I wanted to say that I simply adore you, not as a fan, but much more. I love you as a person, not only the author behind the words.

I love you. And if you consider me as a romantic partner, I would like to hear it with my own ears. If you wish to accept my confession, please come to Studio 407 on Friday after classes. 

Yours,

Tokiya

Chapter 5 →

[queenofnohr]

Shi Huangdi Interlude - The Arbiter’s Melancholy

This........ may have been the hardest Interlude I’ve translated to date just because of all the techno-fantasy magic terms + Lostbelt lore + Emperor’s speech patterns, haha.

There aren’t too many variable dialogue options, but it may be easier to read on Dreamwidth.

This was a commission for none other than @tainbocuailnge c:

The shape destruction takes is not uniform. That was the hypothesis We arrived at. Just as there is no fixed standard to how a dream ends…… When the Tree of Emptiness is pruned, what form will the vanishing of that degenerated fiction — that Lostbelt — take? The particulars of each world will surely differ. Will its end come suddenly, like a candle being blown out……? Or will heaven rend and the earth be torn asunder as the agonizing cries of hell ring out…...?

In Our Eternal Qin Dynasty, what first forcibly opened Our eyes was the lack of observant people. Forests, wilderness, unexplored mountains and rivers — one by one, they became naught but pockets of nothingness. An implacable darkness covered them, and they were lost to the world.

Yet the people did not notice. They were people satisfied with living peaceful lives within their homes, with no interest in the outside world. Another uneventful day passes, and they go to sleep again.

Eventually, in the middle of the night while everyone slept, a certain village was swallowed whole by that nothingness. No one noticed anything out of the ordinary, and while they slept, they returned to nothingness. In that way, one-by-one, the radius of the peoples’ existence disappeared.

Those who were able to awake to another peaceful morning had forgotten that there was a neighboring village in the first place. They had no questions at all about it. That was the destiny of the people. That was the way they were raised. We are the only ones who ascertain all with Our own eyes. Only We, who stand upon this earth as an ordinary person, know the end of this pruned dream. The one watching the crumbling world is the sole person who watches over everything.

How fortunate— Indeed, rather than postponement, the best thing one can hope for is the end. We estimate the time We have left. It will be around three months until Our Qin Dynasty disappears completely—

Zhenren Shi Huangdi: How does progress look, Our Hun*? Steel Shi Huangdi: Unsatisfactory, Our Po. Zhenren Shi Huangdi: Hmm, We wonder if it’s possible to mobilize all computing resources to Epang Palace…... Steel Shi Huangdi: It is unsatisfactory, but it is not stagnant. Although it moves at a snail’s pace, steady progress is being made. Zhenren Shi Huangdi: Hurry. We don’t have much time left. Steel Shi Huangdi: It is unnecessary to tell Us. After all, the authority of analysis is the responsibility of Our Hun. Zhenren Shi Huangdi: Yes, and Our Po is at a loss for what to do. We are vexedー Steel Shi Huangdi: No, Our Po. There are some things that can only be done by one who has attained human form. Soothe Our people as much as possible. Be with them until the last moment, as one who stands on their same earth. Zhenren Shi Huangdi: That’s right. That, too, is the duty of the emperor. It cannot be neglected. However, sooner or later everything will return to nothingness…… Steel Shi Huangdi: Indeed. Our Po has received the next most important role. With a body that is a perfect imitation of those ethereal beings, We should be able to once again step into that enchanted land. That Mystery, at the end of it there must be a path to pan-human history. Zhenren Shi Huangdi: It won’t be a long journey. The preparations should be enough, but…… Steel Shi Huangdi: Then, We do what We can, and the rest is in fate’s hands. Because We are the sole being under heaven, in all creation……

[in Chaldea]

Shi Huangdi: There’s a Singularity! Reyshift is a go-go! Fou: Foufou!? Mash: Um, Shi Huangdi......? You just said there was a Singularity, but...... is that true? Da Vinci: Oh, Guda? Sorry to interrupt your break. A very excited Servant might pay you a visit soon……

> They’re raving all about it as we speak

Da Vinci: Oh, I see. Nonetheless…… Please come to the control room for a detailed briefing on the situation.

> Roger that > I’ll be there shortly

[in the control room]

Shi Huangdi: It’s Xianyang, right? 210 years before the founding of Christianity, right? That should be around the time We reached a dead end in Our quest for immortality, no? Indeed, We shall declare it. It was Our complete failure. Da Vinci: That’s some declaration…… Shi Huangdi: Well, let’s see, the Us of that time was so impatient, such a quest made Us completely lose Our mind. The reason for extending Our life, what the meaning of having a country and emperor were — We lost sight of it completely. Sion: ……*sigh*. It’s true that it’s hard to think of that behavior coming from Your Majesty, who is wise— and furthermore, an ultra-high powered supercomputer. You know that you’re the one causing the Singularity, but you’re talking as if it’s someone else. Shi Huangdi: But you know, We will be 2276 this year. Yet when We died, We hadn’t even reached 50. For comparison, for you all it would be like watching a toddler. They have to grab onto something else to stand on their own two feet, and fall all over themselves. In that case, isn’t criticism much too petty? Da Vinci: I suppose so, but. Setting that very emperor-like fallacious argument for a second— what’s with you? You’re way more pushy than usual. Was Your Majesty always this type of character? Fou: Fou. Fofou. (Translation: More-or-less) Shi Huangdi: Well, it’s a dark past We don’t really want to recall. Let Us hide Our embarrassment, at least a little. Da Vinci: ……Ooookay. I don’t really think this counts as “hiding your embarrassment,” but whatever…… In any case, the one who will accompany you on your Reyshift to the Singularity will also be our strategy officer taking responsibility for operations therein…… Right now, I’m currently covering Goredolf’s position so, Guda, your judgment on this matter is of utmost importance. Do you really intend to bring Emperor “How Interesting!” along with you on this expedition?

> Well, with our destination being what it is…... > Aren’t they qualified?

Shi Huangdi: Indeed! An appropriate judgment. Just what We expected from the protector of humanity! Sion: ………… If that’s what Guda concludes, I have no objections. However, I’ll also be accompanying you this time as Novum Chaldea’s Weapons Development Advisor. Mash: Huh? You’re going to Reyshift, Sion? Sion: Don’t worry about my aptitude. There haven’t been and won’t be any problems, because I deal with them all flawlessly. Shi Huangdi: Oh ho? You are aware that as We are Guda’s Servant, We shall only concern Ourselves with Guda’s safety, yes? Sion: That doesn’t matter. I have no desire to stand on the frontlines, and I’m more than equipped to see to my personal self-defense. You’ll come to see that both martial arts and marksmanship are my forte. After all, I am a genius of the Atlas Institute. Shi Huangdi: Hm. So long as you prove not to be a burden, We have no objections. I’m sure Guda is of the same mind?

> It’ll be encouraging to have you along. > Welcome aboard!

Da Vinci: Well, it’s fine if Sion comes along with you, but, well…… Sion, didn’t you say you didn’t want to do Spiriton Hacking? Sion: That was then, and it’s only sometimes in some cases! This is a rare opportunity, so it’d be a waste not to experiment! Da Vinci: ……*sigh*. It’s fine. Well then, head into the Coffins, everyone. The Singularity coordinates have been inputted, and I’ve made the necessary adjustments to accurately monitor your proof of existence. Sion: Please be scrupulous in your surveillance, Da Vinci. Don’t overlook even the slightest anomaly. Da Vinci: Yes, leave it to me. I’ll use the utmost care.

[we Reyshift]

Mash: Reyshift successful. However, this is…… Shi Huangdi: Oh my, how cruel this is. Our beautiful Xianyang, reduced to this sad sight, feels like some terrible joke. And what is this miasma? Mash: It's a magical energy thick with curses that permeates the air. If it’s this bad with the protection of a Mystic Code, an ordinary person in this environment would…… Shi Huangdi: Indeed. It is unlikely that any of the residents have survived. Even if they were alive, they would surely no longer be Our subjects, but something else entirely. Sion: Even if this is a Singularity, what the hell could’ve happened to result in such a dramatic change? Just what was the Shi Huangdi of this point in time planning? Shi Huangdi: Well, corrupted as We were, We expect that We underrated the degree of destruction We would invite. Speaking of Ourselves at that time, Our disposition was that if something were to be done, it should be done to its completion. Nevertheless, it seems We persisted in such folly…… Of all things, We devoured Xianyang completely. Sion: Devoured it……!? You mean you used that complete monopolization of resources arbitrarily!? I know your quest for immortality escalated, but did you really start a biohazard level calamity? Shi Huangdi: Um, well, it’s embarrassing to say, but We cannot assert that it would be completely outside the realm of possibility for Us. One would simply have to scrape together banned techniques from every corner of China, as well as every conceivable foreign system…… Thinking back on it now, that’s probably why Xu Fu ran off.

> Xu Fu?

Mash: Xu Fu was a court sorcerer who served at the time of the Qin Dynasty. It’s said that Shi Huangdi ordered him to search for immortality, and he traveled to the east with many researchers, but…… Sion: He never reached that enchanted land, nor did he return to Qin. According to one theory, he reached Japan and became a king there.

> So mercury was only the beginning……

Shi Huangdi: It got to the point that We tried invoking the homeopathic magic of Western Europe. No, it was because of its eternal, everlasting beauty— but thinking about it now, using it as medicine was truly the height of recklessness…… But We would like to tell Ourselves to drink a barrel of mercury if relying on curses is the alternative. This is truly pathetic!

[Mash looks surprised then puts her headset on]

Mash: ! Master, I’ve received a warning from Sheba! Hostiles incoming! Shi Huangdi: Mm, indeed, now is not the time to be in low spirits over a weak-mindedness that both is and is not Our own. On Our honor as a Servant, We shall serve as your guard. And here, to this fallen city, We shall demonstrate the law as the true emperor!

[fight]

(Node 2)

Shi Huangdi: …… Sion: ……That was difficult, wasn’t it. Even as you are now, at the apex of mankind, does your heart still ache? Shi Huangdi: Our spilt blood is not enough for the end of Our people. Moreover, the root of all this evil is the person We used to be. Mash: ……This is a Singularity. It was a different Shi Huangdi that made the wrong decision…… Shi Huangdi: No, because that person is still Us. We know where the end of that person’s delusional convictions lie. After all, it was none other than Us that had a glimpse into that regime. Guda, this is where the root of Our anxiety toward the human species stems from. No matter how noble the ideals you laud are, fate is much too cruel. The fear of ruination and making mistakes can all too easily mislead even those who seek to venture down the correct path. It is impossible for ten out of ten people to reach enlightenment even after a lifetime of devoting themselves to their studies. Yet if even one person falls to heresy, the remaining nine will be consumed.

> Do you think it’s impossible for mankind to improve?

Shi Huangdi: A person cannot resist fear and despair. So long as they are unable to surpass death and become Zhenren, they will be inadequate. And so, the duty of traversing the wasteland of humanity should be borne by one person alone…… In the end, even We, who were enthused by the prospect, met the bitterness of a pruned Lostbelt. Now, the right to challenge that cruel future lies in the hands of those that would inhabit that future. But do not forget. Even if you acknowledge the potential of mankind, an evil exists in this world. The same evil that you see here, that led Us to expose the depths of Our depravity— and it will appear time and time again.

> I know, but > We have no choice but to improve

Shi Huangdi: Heh. No matter how We might mean to intimidate you, a glance at your admirable and precious gaze and the words die on Our tongue. Well, shall We leave this trivial matter be? Then let us go to exterminate the source of these delusional convictions.

[inside Epang Palace]

Vengeful Spirit: You…… Shi Huangdi: Ah, We are truly painful to look at. Indeed, We had steeled Ourselves, but…… Looking at Ourselves again is so repulsive it nauseates Us. Vengeful Spirit: Oho…… That form…… We never thought We would reach it. Shi Huangdi: We were truly foolish in Our youth. It isn’t as though We do not understand the extent of that anguish, but such a downfall is unpardonable. Spreading enough curses about to hail a miasma— shouldn’t that have been beyond consideration? The capital was the price paid in exchange for prolonging Our life! Vengeful Spirit: *sigh*…… If the law of death is imposed upon the whole world, then it can also be considered a cure. Under the care of this first emperor, Shi Huangdi, China has finally realized eternal rest. Sion: (“This” first emperor...?) Hold on a second. Stop talking. I have my own personal opinions on using inhumane acts to achieve immortality, but doing it for political measures is outrageous. Even without being soft, there’s no reason to go to these excessive lengths. Just look here. After all, this is a successful emperor that freed themselves completely and achieved what you could not by taking a different path. Shi Huangdi: Ah, no, this isn’t the type of opponent you should instigate…… Vengeful Spirit: And so they are a saint? That’s the height of absurdity! That one is the fool who would reap the future of the world in exchange for their own future! Sion: ー! Shi Huangdi: ……Oho? This is the first time one has seen into Our origin. Well, We suppose that even corrupted, you were still Us. Then, your verdict is that the apex of unsightliness, this city of death, is preferable to the history We had woven? Vengeful Spirit: Aye. We, the Qin Dynasty, will continue beyond death. We shall reign until its destruction! This will become true eternity! Shi Huangdi: We have decided! Both pity and consideration are wasted on you. You are no longer a heavenly being nor emperor. All that remains is simply carrion. That throne is not a place for the dead to dream. We shall return you to your rightful place thusly. After all, isn’t that what this mausoleum was built for?

[fight]

Vengeful Spirit: Guh…… Why do you stop Us? Why do you prune Us? This time, for sure, the Eternal Qin…… Our peaceful reign…… Even though We could finally see the signs…... Shi Huangdi: Coming from Us, whose life can no longer cross into the realm of death, any advice is useless. Even so, let’s see. Do not be angry. Do not lament. For even if you alone will not bear its burden, humanity itself may somehow manage yet, surprising though it may be. Vengeful Spirit: What foolishness…… There is only Us…… Only the emperor, the Alpha and Omega…… is able to carry the fate of this world…...

[it disappears]

Shi Huangdi: Ah, how tiresome. That was like coming across someone doing a dramatic reading of Our entire dark history. Well, We did what We had to do. Let us return quickly. We cannot stand the air in this corrupted palace for another minuteー no, not even another second. Sion: You did what had to be done…… I wonder. Is that all you have to say about this? Shi Huangdi: More or less? Were you expecting something else? Sion: ……No. You were able to resolve this Singularity pretty reasonably. Good work as a Servant. You too, Guda, good job. Then, let’s head back.

[we Reyshift back]

Da Vinci: Yes, yes, bang up job this time, too. Well done! Now then, go take a shower and rest up. You can report back later. Mash: Huh? This isn’t standard protocol…… Da Vinci: Well, some stuff came up. I gotta adjust the machinery and such, ya’know. Oh, Shi Huangdi, could you stay a little longer? There’s something I’d like your help with. Shi Huangdi: Hm?

> Well then, I’ll take you up on your offer > Please excuse me

[we go; scene is still the control room]

Holmes: With this I trust all the details of the case have been disclosed? Then, all that remains is to solve the mystery. Shi Huangdi: Oh my, out with Guda and in with the detective makes for a truly detestable atmosphere. Ah, that reminds me, We do believe We had promised to have some dim sum with Shuwen. What an unfortunate time to forget. Then, if you’ll excuse me…… Holmes: Stop with the transparent lies. Why don’t we start talking. Da Vinci: We’ve already observed numerous Singularities, both large and small. Combining that with the data received from my previous incarnation, I have enough samples to be able to classify everything depending on trends observed. Therefore, I can draw this conclusion. This Singularity was not a natural occurrence. The pattern corresponds to the construction being from that of intentional outside interference. Shi Huangdi: And you suspect We are responsible? No, you overestimate Us completely. Certainly, Our form is that which is expected of Us as a Servant in this world, though as a supreme ultimate being it is the implementation of a modern human frame. Looking at it from another perspective, We are nothing more than an individual with nothing to Us, supreme only in name. We could not possibly reach the authority We once had in Our sacred mechanical body that once controlled all the world. Da Vinci: Thank you for being so eloquent, and for making your excuse as long-winded as physically possible. It’s true that as a Servant, Guda has the means to control you with a Command Spell. However…… it’s a different story if you were to regain the power you once had in your Lostbelt. Shi Huangdi: Well, We intended for you to forget your vigilance in your awe. Is it even possible that the feat of creating Singularities would be available as We are now? Actually, in the first place, it was an artificial Singularity. Is that possible? Da Vinci: In theory. However, it would require a Reyshift or some other equivalent means. Shi Huangdi: In other words, the machinery here has been used fraudulently by someone? Sion: Even if you want to ridicule it as a security system riddled with holes, I’ll reject that notion. As a hacker myself, I won’t say anything about a “perfect security system,” but if we’re talking about Novum Chaldea’s equipment, I can affirm that it’s impossible to operate the system without leaving a trace. Holmes: Rather, we should consider the possibility of someone other than ourselves implementing a Reyshift system. Shi Huangdi: If we’re talking about “possibilities,” then they’re endless. Especially considering that it might be a common technology in the future? Holmes: Finding the suspect ー in this case, the one who implemented the system ー is possible, even without jumping to such extreme leaps in logic. One would simply have to acquire the Animusphere’s theories, the Laplace software, and have a means of computing comparable to Trismegistus…… if we consider who can satisfy all those requirements, the conclusion is nearly at hand. Da Vinci: Well, this was borne from my own carelessness, but Shadow Border, at the time of entering the Chinese Lostbelt, contained backup data from Antarctic Chaldea that had been evacuated just in case. I never imagined that the entire vehicle might be captured and analyzed. Sion: Furthermore, your other form on-site was that of a supercomputer that ruled over and controlled the planet. It really is a shame I wasn’t able to see it directly. And there was no chance to know the details of what happened afterward.  Holmes: Indeed. After we left, the Chinese Lostbelt as an externally observable object disappeared promptly. However, it is impossible to know how much time passed within the Lostbelt itself. If there wasn’t a sudden collapse, but instead a grace period in which the data obtained from Shadow Border could be fully analyzed…… Sion: And, the most damning evidence was a statement made by the other emperor who was out of control in that Singularity. You were able to detect the pruning event with a single shot. At the time, it was a skillful deception, but logically it was impossible. The only possibility is…… Holmes: The Shi Huangdi of that Singularity had already been in contact with you once, in regards to the pruning event. The culprit who made the Singularity is not the Shi Huangdi who serves as a Servant of Chaldea, but the Shi Huangdi who was a Lostbelt King…… Am I wrong? Shi Huangdi: Hmmm…… However, after the pruning event is confirmed, what use would it be to Reyshift? A Reyshift cannot grant the falsification of history. At best, it would produce a Singularityー nothing more than a stagnation in space-time. Da Vinci: You’re right. It’s impossible to change the outcome once the pruning event occurs. But if you went back to the past, regardless of a pruning event, there was certainly a time when you rode the waves of history, adding onto itー “compiling” it. Holmes: That answer seems to be why you stuck to Xianyang as the Singularity. The Lostbelt Shi Huangdi established multiple Singularities in stages, trying to see which of them would be detected by Chaldea, right? And that particularity would need an accompliceー a role played by “Servant Shi Huangdi” …… Shi Huangdi: …… Da Vinci: Establishing a Singularity from a Lostbelt, if we assume that there was a Singularity Response that could be observed from pan-human history, it would be from their shared past, and then that point becomes the crossroads between pruning and compiling history. And from there, establishing a Singularity in the past can become a means of interfering with pan-human history. Just like the trap devised by the King of Mages, Goetia.  Sion: I thought they might have intended to do something during the last Reyshift, so I accompanied them, but there was nothing at all out of place. Since that was the case, it was reasonable to believe that there was another prime culprit. Of the traps set, which had been set to target this side of human history……? My aim was to verify that. Or, rather, was your purpose for answering Chaldea’s summons for that purpose? Shi Huangdi: Ah, good grief. Humanity so used to conflict really is lacking in charm.  Da Vinci: There’s no way we could have this conversation in front of Guda. We’re doing it this way because we must confirm your true intentions. Shi Huangdi: Well. In the event that you would accuse Us, We would think that Guda, equipped as they are with Command Spells, would be essential to have present. It’s quite a sweet sentiment especially compared to the sharpness of your deductions. We have misgivings about the future of pan-human history. In any case, We have warned Guda time and time again. That should the mankind of pan-human history prove themselves to be unpardonably hideous beings, We will revive the Qin once more. Da Vinci: Then…… Shi Huangdi: Oops, wait three seconds before you get truly angry. We do not mean to say We will implement that plan immediately. We have no intention of hindering Guda’s efforts. We came to your pan-human history to see with Our own eyes your struggle, and should you fall into trouble, We shall spare no effort to lend Our assistance. After all, We have already abdicated Our throne in favor of a virtuous successor.  Holmes: ……Then why the shady behavior? Shi Huangdi: It is Our belief that hope for the future will be pioneered by Guda, and you allー the “people.” However, faith and trust are two different things. After all, We are a politician. We do not engage in gambling. Should Guda shrink from their duty as a human inhabiting this world at the unprecedented crisis known as the bleaching of humanity …… At that time, We will become responsible for humanity again. “A humanity according to esteemed people.” Da Vinci: ………… Sion: ーRejected. That’s a contract built on the premise of defeat. Is there any other name for that than betrayal? Shi Huangdi: There certainly exist Heroic Spirits that dedicate themselves to Guda under pretense of friendship and conviction. However. Would it be okay if a world that could not be saved by “goodness” met its complete ruinationー We are different than those that cannot overlook disarray. Our bond with Guda is righteous. But to defeat the “Alien God” is an even greater justice. Should there come a time wherein these two ideals need be weighed against each other…… We shall choose the heavier one, without hesitation. Such is the duty of an arbiter.  Sion: …… In short, you assert that this is a means to resist the bleaching of humanity? Shi Huangdi: It’s insurance, so to speak. We are a heavenly being that rules over the world of man. An invasion of earth by something inhuman is something We cannot forgive. In the event of Guda’s complete victory over the “Alien God,” We shall forget Our precautions as a needless anxiety. With the dismissal of all Singularities, We shall celebrate this victory of the people. Of course, that was the plan all along. Sion: Good grief. All this talk is hard to believe after seeing another Shi Huangdi who fell into the depths of their delusions at the end of their ambition just a little while ago.  (Agh, I really can’t recognize this person as Their Majesty The Emperor) Shi Huangdi: That is why We keep repeating it. Here We are, living,  2200 years after Our death. Our viewpoint has since changed, and Our worldly desires have perished. You shouldn’t look down on the mental state sainthood achieves.  ……In addition. Considering whether or not this insurance can go as smoothly as We had originally thought, We now possess a smidgeon of anxiety. In the first place, the arrangements for Reyshifting are in no way……  There is another matter that is displeasing. There is a faint smell of heresy. Da Vinci: Heresy? Like what? Shi Huangdi: From the beginning, you all easily saw through Us…… There is no reason why the other Crypters could not do the same thing. Holmes: I’ll tell you in advance that your caution is worthy of recognition. Since it doesn’t seem that you’ll resort to acting rashly. Shi Huangdi: If Guda and everyone else follows Our plan, everything will advance with a rock-solid formation~. Da Vinci: Ahaha. It’s impossible, so just give up. No matter what the reason is, strategies hinging on sacrifices won’t be approved. That goes doubly in Novum Chaldea. Otherwise such a victory would have no meaning. Holmes: ーHm. Although I do agree with some of Your Majesty’s thoughts…… As a matter of practicality, first and foremost must come the felling of the remaining Trees of Emptiness. So long as we have the invader, the “Alien God,” as a common enemy, I do hope our alliance will be maintained. Da Vinci: Yes, it’s safe to say that they bear no malicious intent toward Guda. However, Shi Huangdiー do not forget that we are keeping careful watch over your movements. If you do anything to make that child sad, I won’t forgive you, okay? Shi Huangdi: Then We shall say this. Heroic Spirits. That person is likely the next generation of mankind. We will surely be victorious, no matter what the cost. We shall not need to be roused again.

[in My Room]

Fou: Fou? Fooou! Mash: A- Are you okay, senpai? Did you get sick?

> No, I’m fine > For some strange reason, I got chills……

Mash: ……Okay. You don’t seem to be running a fever. Perhaps someone was talking about you, senpai.

> I hope they’re not saying anything weird…… > Hmm, it’s like I’m carrying a weight on my shoulders……

-

T/N:

* EDIT: Shoutout to an anon for being the real MVP and alerting me that, aside from being a compound in Japanese, the kanji Shi Huangdi uses here are in reference to soul-types in Chinese philosophy. The concepts refer to two different souls that exist within the self, representing yin and yang, but I... don’t really want to turn this into a lesson, nor am I an expert (obviously. since I didn’t catch it while translating) so I’d recommend looking into it if curious/wanting to know more about our emperor!

[youareiron-andyouarestrong]

39 + 87 + rebelcaptain

survival/wilderness + aroused by the sound of her voice 

always had high, high hopes 

It could be worse was the first thing Kay had said after the meeting that officially declared he had been put under Cassian’s jurisdiction. The one they got after Cassian had to convince Intelligence and the members of the Council that walking into the Rebel base with a reprogrammed Imperial enforcer droid was a good idea. 

It could be worse, Kay had said, they could’ve dismantled me down for parts and had you demoted. 

Intelligence agents don’t get demoted, Cassian had replied. We get burned. 

Oh. Kay had sounded like he was recalculating his formulas. Not much worse, then.

Since then, it became a kind of mantra Cassian had adopted. It could be worse. That was what he told himself when times became darker and harder. Things could be worse. He could be dead. It was always easier to feel a little better about your immediate situation when you weren’t irreversibly dead. 

After… well, everything, he had made the mistake of saying such around his team (his people, his network, his rogues). Then of course, inevitably, someone (Bodhi, Kay, Baze, Jyn) would start listing all the ways it could be worse. They could be stuck on a swamp planet. Bodhi could be missing another arm. Baze could lose all his guns, and the spare grenades. Jyn might miss the evening meal. The suggestions would become increasingly more and more ridiculous as time went by and they stretched their imaginations (which were truly considerable) to the limit.  It became a game, a slightly morbid one perhaps, but one that amused them at least, and allowed for them to gently tease Cassian out of his darker moods. Of course, someone would eventually trump them all with pointing out, We could all be dead on Scarif. And then game would end, at least until the next time someone said, It could be worse. 

Cassian was trying to remind himself of that now. Things could be worse. 

He and Jyn were on an uninhabited (hopefully) forest moon, true. They were laying low from the Imperials searching for them, that was nothing new.  Practically routine. It would be about seventy-two standard hours before their ship came into orbit and Kay and Bodhi could reach them. They had food and shelter and it wasn’t raining anything other than water outside their little cave. Frankly, Cassian had survived on less than that. 

If it wasn’t in a Force-be-damned cave, then he might’ve gone so far as to say he had definitely had worse. 

But it was a cave, and anything that wasn’t in the immediate city proper was outside of his experience and thus Cassian hated it. None of his training had covered wilderness survival. He had been placed solely in cities and military bases and maybe an outpost or two, if he was unlucky. He had never needed to learn to survive in anything other than outside the law and within the Empire, and that was hard enough by anyone’s standards. 

This was probably what kept Jyn from needling him too much about his (entirely deserved) grousing. When it was established that they were stuck here for the next seventy-two hours, Jyn had simply nodded, and said, “Time to find shelter.” In the time it took for Cassian to try to set up a transmitter and send Kay the needed coordinates, Jyn had found them a cave, wove a curtain of vines together to disguise the opening, found firewood and then headed out and returned with this particular moon’s species of fish. Somehow she’d gotten wet wood to catch flame and was now comfortably cooking what she’d neatly gutted and cleaned out of her catch. 

Cassian could only blink at her. 

Jyn raised her head, caught his bemused stare. “What?” she asked. “I learned with Saw. He was pretty empathetic about it, actually.” 

“I can see that,” Cassian said finally. “How did you get the fire to catch?”

“I keep a little bit of flint in my pack at all times,” Jyn replied. “Plus, I used your spare flimsy.”

Cassian’s head snapped up at that, only to see Jyn’s grin flash like silver in the gloom. “Very funny,” he said flatly, in much the same tone of voice he used when Kay was attempting to be comforting or encouraging. 

“I thought so,” Jyn replied comfortably, giving the fish a little tweak. “I only used my spare flimsy.” 

The fish was good. Better than good, though Cassian had privately wished he could have a little pepper, maybe some spices to season it. He had given Jyn some of his closely hoarded supply of coarse salt for the fish, a small packet he kept on his person at all times. Along with roasted in the embers an edible root Jyn had also found and brought back, it was, all in all, not the worst meal Cassian had ever had. 

“Are we starting the I’ve-had-it-worse game again?” Jyn asked as she smoored the fire. “You’ve got that look on.”

“I can think of other things to do,” Cassian said, mostly for the form of it.

“Mmm.” Jyn settled down comfortably. “Better string them out, if we’re here for the next seventy-two hours.”

“I have my datapad,” Cassian said, his eyes drifting closed. The sound of the rain was soothing, the smell of woodsmoke and fish comforting, and Jyn’s voice a pleasant hum in his ear. “I could get some coding done.”

A chuckle escaped Jyn. “With what signal?”

He opened his eyes then to give her a look, which just made her chuckle again. “City boy spy.”

“Civilized,” he grumbled, not with any real heat. 

“I can’t believe you never had any wilderness training,” Jyn said, stretching out in the heat of the fire like a lazy felid. “My next training for the Pathfinders is going to cover that.”

“Poor bastards,” Cassian murmured, just to hear Jyn’s chuckle again, a sound he valued more than the beep of a transmitting code, the whirr of a well-programmed droid, a whisper in the crowd, Fulcrum, freedom and rebellion一 “And I wasn’t stationed in the wilderness; there was no use for me there. I was more useful in the cities.” 

“Useful,” Jyn echoed, and then shook her head. “It was still short-sighted and ill-prepared. When you write the report for Draven, you can tell him I said so.”

“He’ll take it under due consideration,” Cassian replied and Jyn snorted. 

A companionable silence fell between them for a moment, until Jyn tilted her head back to glance outside. “We’re going to have to share body heat once nightfall comes.” Her profile was averted to him and her voice now dispassionate, which might explain why Cassian’s initial response was an absentminded “Hmm.” Then when what she said registered, he let out a startled, “Pardon?”

“Body heat,” Jyn repeated, now stubbornly facing away from him. Hiding a blush? The rich light of the fire made it hard to tell. “Plus the bedding. The ground’s not going to do your spine or leg any favors,” she added with a scowl in her voice. Any mention of his bad leg or back always made Jyn glare like she’d like to make the misbehaving tendons and bones work for him, or else.  “And I don’t know how much the temperature is going to drop between now and nightfall. Probably a few degrees, enough to make us uncomfortable. So it’s only practical.”

Cassian felt himself automatically move to wet his lips before checking that tic. Never mind she couldn’t see it.  “I’ll trust you then.”

Now Jyn did look at him, straight through the firelight and into his eyes. “I know.” The words vibrated with the seriousness of the statement, and how Jyn was going to follow through with it with every fiber of her being. The dim red gold light make her look gilded and shadowed, something wrought from gold and onyx and ivory. 

Cassian gave an involuntary head shake. This what came of being in caves. They stripped away all your common sense. 

*

The night came on, and Jyn’s prediction about the temperature came true. It was more than enough to make them uncomfortable and to break out the temperature conserving blankets. Jyn had layered their bedding as much as she could and rolled up their jackets to use as blankets and pillows, as needed. One thing they both knew all too well in this life of theirs was to sleep whenever it was offered to them. Jyn slept facing the fire, and Cassian’s back to the right wall of the cave so that they both faced the entrance. He ran warmer than Jyn, who always seemed to be a degree or two cooler than everyone else. There was some awkward fumblingーwhere to put his arm, where she could rest her head. But they managed it. Cassian could smell the woodsmoke clinging to her hair, the weave of her scarf under his head. He kept himself as still as possible behind her, resting on his good hip. 

It didn’t feel like his life, this part, this small island of quiet. His life was shadows and hard edges and smog filled skylines. It wasn’t the smell of rain and the warmth of a fire on his face and Jyn resting on his arm. 

This wasn’t his life. It was just a respite. 

*           

Cassian woke slowly, only to find that the fire must’ve died down at some point during the night. That would be the only plausible reason for why Jyn was currently so thoroughly entangled with him that he couldn’t tell his arms and legs from hers. 

It was either still dark or almost dawn. That strange, unreal, dreamlike time when the edges of the world were misty and indistinct. It could be worse, he tried to tell himself, registering Jyn’s warmth and her slow, steady breathing. The way her cheek rested on his arm. How relaxed and soft she was in sleep, such a contrast to her waking self.  Things could definitely be worse一

Jyn let out a sigh, a little sleepy sound of pure contentment, snuggled back into him, her rear fit so snugly against his hips that he almost choked. 

He did not want to think about any other time Jyn might make that noise. He absolutely did not want to imagine what other circumstances could possibly arise一

Shut up, Cassian told himself only somewhat frantically. Just shut. Up. He wasn’t some over eager teen falling all over himself over a member of the opposite sex--

Jyn rolled over in his arms, somehow one leg sliding between his, blowing all of Cassian’s rational thought to pieces. Another soft sigh, warm breath brushing against his neck, her left leg slung over his hips一who knew Jyn was a cuddler? Not him. He hadn’t even given himself permission to imagine what Jyn was like when she was asleep一

This is a dream, Cassian thought. It was arguably the worst (best) dream he’d had in awhile, so he might as well enjoy it while it lasted, and hoard the memory for the dark nights and shadowed days. 

Jyn sleeping peacefully in his arms, soft sighs in his ear, warmth against his skin, the sound of rain and a quiet place untouched by anything bad or hard and dark一 

Another sleepy sound, almost like a moan as she tried to get comfortable against him, tugging his arm to better adjust it for her head… 

Don’t let me wake up, Cassian thought. Please, ancestors, the Force, whoever is running this forsaken galaxy, don’t let me wake up. Let me keep this, I have asked for so little for all my life, and this isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, it’s probably the best, please let me keep it… 

Jyn sighed against his neck, shifted slowly and languorously, her lashes falling and rising against his skin. “Cass…?” her voice was a low, husky rasp, one that made his blood run hot and fierce and what time was it even? Was this still a dream somehow? 

In the dim light, he could see Jyn waking herself up, getting her bearings again. Her eyes flicked down to take in their entwined limbs and then back up to his face. Unconsciously his arms tightened around her, and then loosened again immediately. If she didn’t want to be there, then he wasn’t going to keep her there, he would never do anything against her express wishes if he could possibly help it.

“Cass,” she repeated in a whisper. If she wasn’t comfortable in this clench, there was no sign of it in her voice. But her eyes were watchful. “How’s your back?”

“I think it’s fine,” he whispered back. It felt too early to speak. 

Jyn was quiet for a second or two, her fingers flexing against him.  “You need to… do you have to go?” he asked still in a whisper. 

“No,” she whispered back. “Do you?”

Never, ever, they could kill me here and I would die content, only you’d never allow that一

“No,” he said. “I don’t.”

They lay there in the dim, the world a very great distance away. 

“We don’t have to go anywhere,” Jyn said softly. “We can just stay here… just for a little while.”

“Yes,” Cassian agreed. This was, after all, a very nice dream. “Let’s just stay here.”

The corners of her mouth lifted into a smile, a smile Cassian had once thought he would die to earn, and maybe still would. 

“You make for a very good pillow,” she murmured, her body utterly relaxed along the length of his. “Best sleep I’ve had in awhile.”

Cassian was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Me too,” he said back, almost too low to hear. But she heard it. Of course she did.   

[vantablade]

❚ ⋮ ☆ 012.

tw: cannibalism (or something close to it) mentions, along with blood mentions and vague suggestions towards suicide (not motivated by mental illness necessarily but rather as a “sacrifice”)

When he walked through its thin, dark streets lined with neon, with its pale-faced and fleshy people, he did have some seed of admiration for it. For the brutality of it. The garish light of harsh reds and sickly yellows brought shameless attention to the ugliness of its people. Not in appearance, of course—rather, there was an otherworldly quality to most of them, even if he was certain that none had even thought of going off-planet, and it made them harder to look at in a way that made them beautiful. In Yomi, ugliness lay in the hearts of its people.

Blood markets, a thing (he understood) unique to Izanami, and especially its capital, where the flesh-eating denizens of its populace would gather to drink gallons of blood until their mouths and throats were thick with it, or dine on the bodies of the recently dead. As he understood it, this was good here, but not good anywhere else. They had had come to some agreement, once upon a time. What a delightfully cruel agreement, he thought, and it endeared him to this place, even if it could not match his home in brilliance.

Prologue | Skorpios (bear in mind, a rough draft!)

As referenced in my last headcanon, there are those who willingly donate their lives to the continuing of the Ametsuchi family. In fact, there are a lot who are willing to donate. But this can seem rather... strange, the careless throwing away of one’s own life; less strange it becomes when we consider the cultural context of Yomi, the capital of Izanami. 

Izanami was once utterly barren of life, until the Ancestor sacrificed her life to the Living Seaー not deliberately so, but it was interpreted as one regardlessー and, in short, made the land sustainable. Of course, the land was... differentーblood, not water, fed the soil, and generated its own. To pierce the earth too hard was to evoke the same response as tearing someone’s flesh: it wept blood. It didn’t help that all of its inhabitants were deemed ❝Maligns❞ (read: ❛predators❜ on Mundanesーvampires, lycanthropes, your standard fare) and thus this was precisely what they needed. However, they couldn’t live off of sapping the earth dry, and so when the kingdoms eventually began to merge, so a symbiotic culture emerged from the union.

As the excerpt references, Yomi in particular is notable for its blood marketsーthat is, literal markets where one can legally and ethically (9/10, at least!) source the flesh of your fellow man, or their blood, or organs, or whatever your particular appetites demand. It is held by a donor system, wherein people willingly donate their bodies post-mortem (not unlike an organ donor, and in some cases this is what they areーtheir organs just happen to be keeping them alive in another way), or their blood while alive. Even the Ametsuchi, as I mentioned, have donors, which is a fatal process. Still, the act of giving up some ❝sacred❞ part of yourself is... common. It’s normalised. Plenty of Mundanes now live in Izanami, and the fact that they can choose to help their bloodthirsty neighbours makes the whole process a lot more tolerable. There’s a lot less need for pitchforks and torches when you’re the one offering them to take a bite. 

The Ametsuchi donors are unique in that it requires you actively decide to stop livingーrather than simply donating blood, or just waiting until you die for whatever unrelated reason to become dinner. As such, it attracts a rather specific crowd; usually death-seekers, lonely people or those who have a borderline worshipping opinion of the Ametsuchi. After all, some people don’t forget that the Ametsuchi clan are the reason they can even live as they do now. Most people generally consider those on the Ametsuchi donor list to be... a bit odd, considering the self-destructive quality of it. Not worthy of being alienated, but certainly a strange thing to know about someone. It’s very revealing of characterーsome even consider it a ❝resurrection❞ of sorts, often wanting to reshape their lives.

The Blood Markets themselves, outside of the Ametsuchi donors, do not discriminate between their customersーeven if you’re a morbid, curious Mundane looking for a thrill. It’s actually great (darkly so) for tourism, considering it’s illegal elsewhere. Of course, if resources are running low, things become a bit more selective. During the reign of High King Kana Ametsuchi, Nocturne’s grandmother, the city of Yomi (and Izanami as a whole) became rather neglected. Blood markets became more unreliable in their ethical sources, prices became way higher, tensions were raised between Mundane and Malign, Malign and Malign, Mundane and Mundane, all because of a mild blood famine. Tourists, who often became willing donors, stopped coming. Sometimes drastic measures had to be taken just to make sure things were being sold. All the while, the royals flaunted their wealth and their health, completely ignorant (or apathetic) of the suffering. In Kana’s case, she was fully awareー❝it is better to be feared than loved,❞ was her motto, and none feared her more than her people, weak and hungry and ever-more susceptible to manipulation. Of course, this was her eventual undoing. 

As it is now, the economy is flourishingー the blood flows like wine, there’s a decrease in crime, and life feels normal. Perhaps more morbid than your average sort, but normal. There’s not a common Yomi denizen who wouldn’t say Kazumi is a great, just ruler. Even if she did get her throne through violent meansー during that era, everyone resorted to violent means. 

Now, Yomi is the proud capital it once was, and it boasts its common brutality; for it is not brutality, but rather an expression of true love and respect that neighbour has for neighbour, so willing to give themselves to further the health and wellbeing of another, even a stranger. It’s sweet, in its own bloody way.

[kansetsukiss]

A brief introduction to the gdgd Universe

By rights, this should be nothing more than a season-end review of gdMen, but the preponderance of low ratings and confused comments about the show make me want to go a bit further. I can’t make anybody enjoy a series they don’t, and I can barely in the least make them understand its ‘objectively’ good qualities, but I hope I can offer a bit more cultural context in which to place it, which may soften the criticism borne from confusion...

What is gdgd? Literally, it’s a stylised form of ぐだぐだ - gudaguda, meaning (amongst other uses) ‘tedious, repetitive, rambling.’ As for the gd-verse, I’m unable to firmly grasp it myself - no incarnation or responsible party has been successful enough in the English-speaking anime community to warrant, say, a nicely-sourced Wiki page. A cursory study tells me it begins in 2011 with gdgd Fairies, a bizarre comedy starring three fairies having tea in a forest, chatting about anything and everything. shrshr generally introduces an absurd conversational whim, timid pkpk acts as straight-man, and taciturn krkr interjects with dark non-sequiturs and punchlines. It’s cheaply animated in MikuMikuDance, but uses its low quality to its advantage - for instance, frequently relying on terrifying stock models of old men for visual gags, reminiscent of early Garry’s Mod absurdism. In a recurring segment, the three VAs improvise captions to a brief, surreal video clip provided by the animation staff: sometimes referencing characters they’ve played on other shows; sometimes having a reference censored due to licensing restrictions; sometimes birthing running jokes later referred to in the scripted segments, as if they’ve written them into the gdgd lore. Next-episode previews insert the cast into direct parodies of popular shows; season 2 opens with a press conference apologising for this silliness, followed by a smash-cut to a Lucky Star reference. Coarsely put, gdgd Fairies does what the fuck it wants.

These are all the essential qualities of gdgd - cheap MMD animation, whole segments of VA improvisation with audible laughter, pop culture and meta-references, a general freewheeling disregard for structure and convention. Other projects by studios Bouncy and Strawberry Meets (the two sharing credit for gdgd Fairies; their exact relationship is still unclear to me) manifest this spirit of gdgd even when not invoking it by name, and have generally each tackled a particular genre ripe for parody. Chokkyuu Hyoudai Robot Anime follows three robots in the far future attempting to revive and understand the ‘humour’ of ancients - it’s incredibly dry, and deconstructs joke formats to the point that even I have trouble sitting with it. Mahou Shoujo? Naria☆Girls is a vague parody of magical girl tropes, though the ‘plot’ quickly devolves into a ridiculous string of unrelated happenings, and the majority of the show revolves around the VAs improvising off terrible prompts. It’s the worst-looking show of the gd-verse, motion-capturing the VAs into incredibly janky schoolgirl models that clip through each other (which has of course, despite its humour, translated into the lowest MAL score in the gd-verse). Minarai Diva, a copy of which continues to elude me, attempted to form an idol unit and write music on live broadcasts, similarly mo-capped and apparently riddled with technical difficulties. Tesagure! Bukatsumono follows an after-school club attempting to improve generic after-school club scenarios. And this year’s gdMen puts three male VAs in the lead for a change (sexual innuendo is much more abundant here) while riffing off isekai fantasy tropes - maybe especially funny to me, being totally apathetic towards the genre.

I’m urged to apologise for the gd-verse because I constantly see viewers repulsed by its face value, refusing the spirit of gdgd to a vehement degree. I vaguely understand why - when I finished the first episode of Naria Girls, I thought I’d found the worst show I’d ever seen. Thanks to its abysmal rating, I was entering with the assumption that it would be terrible, and the loose dialogue and poor animation are definitely qualities of terrible things. By the second episode, once the shock had worn off, its self-aware lackadaisy that had been disguised as ineptitude became wholly apparent, and I allowed myself to be taken along. I quickly realised I loved it. But I’ve seen comments that hint at viewers latching on to that initial attitude - “what is this?! It’s ugly! It’s so poorly written it almost seems improvised!” - and refuse to budge, even while staring the gdgd in the face. The initial expectation that it will conform to the traditions of anime encounters the non-traditional spirit of gdgd; in this conflict lies the absurd. The typical viewer can either accept the gdgd, or come to despise it - it is so at odds with expectations that it cannot be merely rejected. It must be destroyed.* By which I mean: I can understand initial confusion, but I can’t understand the viewer that sits through a whole season of Naria Girls and at no point realises that it’s all a big joke. People hate things they don’t understand, and it’s easier (and more fun) to hate than to attempt to reconcile yourself with something new - for instance, that animation quality isn’t the only metric of merit; or that not every piece of art is asking you to take it seriously.

Let me tell you: if you’re enjoying a guide to an obscure comedy studio that’s riffing of The Myth of Sisyphus, you’ve got the spirit of gdgd in you. If you seek to explore the gd-verse with me, I recommend starting where it all began with gdgd Fairies. Let me know how you go. And to all who may be wary, I ask you to try, if only a little, to let the spirit of gdgd into your heart. You may absolutely fucking hate it, yes. You may well be changed for life.

なーんちゃって~

*I can’t help but wonder how prevalent this mindset is. Nichijou has a devout cult following, but massively tanked on release. Teekyuu has persisted for 9 seasons purely because one Blu-Ray sale funds the entire next season. Meanwhile, a billion cute-girl 4koma adaptations are pumped out yearly (not that they’re all bad, mind you). Am I overthinking things? I know I’m touting an intersectional review blog here, but I don’t want to come off as a snob.

[kimonobeat]

aiko bon “Profile Interview” Chapter 2 (2/3)

ーSo in elementary school, you went to school, came home, then went to your lessons, I take it?

aiko: Yes, that’s right. My mom wasn’t doing night shift at the time, she only went to work during the day. So my dad would be home when I got back from school, taking care of the birds. (laughs) I’d go to my lessons, go out to play, and then we’d all eat dinner together. My dad told me to go to bed when he left for work at 8 PM. My parents both worked, and they both worked irregular hours, so we didn’t spend a whole lot of time in the house together. Eventually when I got to fourth grade, though, my mom left and I ended up staying at my relatives’ house. I didn’t have to transfer schools or anything because I was already going to a school district that we didn’t live in, but it got kind of hectic making it to my lessons so we decided to stop doing all of them. I blamed it on my mom. “It’d be a big pain for Dad, and I don’t know what will happen, so I’m just going to quit all of them all at once,” I told myself. The truth is though, I was half sad, but also half glad. “Yaaay, now I get to quit everything! I get to quit literature, abacus, ALL of my lessons!” (laughs)

ーBut the real problem was originally that you and your dad were having a rough time?

aiko: Yeah. Up until he left me at my relatives’ house, my dad and I did the best we could on our own for about three months. But we just couldn’t hack it. My dad had a business to run, and he also worked at night, so it was really hard for him to wake me up in the morning for school. We slept in together a lot. He was also worried about leaving me at home alone at night. We had so little time to talk to each other that we were keeping an exchange diary between the two of us. I wrote in it when he left the house for the night, before I fell asleep, and then when he woke up in the morning, my dad would write back. I wrote about stuff that happened at school, and when I fought with him I’d write “I’m sorry” in it. It was impossible for the two of us to keep up. “Unfortunately, there’s no way around it,” he told me before deciding to send me off to my relatives’ house. I ended up living in that house for 8 years, from fourth grade until I graduated high school.

ーWas your relatives’ house far from the apartment you were living in before?

aiko: It was one station over. In elementary I would take the train to school, but then in fourth grade I was groped for the first time. I’ll never forget it. I was on the train wearing a white T-shirt and a soft plain red plaid skirt, with my randoseru on my back, when this salaryman touched me. I was absolutely terrified. I feel like I told my dad about it, but it was such a shock that I really don’t remember.

ーDid you get to see your dad much when you were in your relatives’ care?

aiko: I saw him every day. I mean, he was just one train station over after all. I was staying at my dad’s older sister’s house but would’ve eaten dinner by myself if he hadn’t come over every day to eat dinner with me. He’d eat dinner with me and then head to work. We did that every single day for about eight years. So, I never saw my mom, but I saw my dad every day.

ーWere there any other children your age at your relatives’ house?

aiko: There were four kids in their family, but they were all older than me. I shared a room with the second oldest sister Sachi for eight years, from fourth grade until I was a senior in high school, and boy were they tough on me. I mean, of course it was gonna be a challenge living with my relatives for eight years, but I was an only child living in a completely different environment before I plopped in. Sakiーthe girl I shared a room withーwas about 19 years old when they started taking care of me. She in particular put up with a lot, being around me. Being 19 is one of the most important times in your life, right? You’ve got a lot on your mind, and the time you spend talking to the person you like on the phone is precious… But, she’d come home and go into her room only to find me sitting on the bed, eating Baby Star Ramen. Eating snacks on the bed wasn’t a big deal to me back then, but I’d definitely get mad if someone did that to me now. Saki was so patient with me. I feel so bad about it now. She got mad at me a lot, but now I feel downright terrible that I did that.

ーShe was trying hard to be nice because you were just a kid, and you were a relative of the family it sounds like.

aiko: That was definitely a thing. When I was placed in their care, my sense of self-awareness became a lot stronger. I decided then that I was going to do the best I could in life. I pretty much changed over night. I guess you could say that I felt like I had fend for myself, y’know? I never used to wake myself up, but when I went to my relatives’ house I started setting an alarm and always got up on my own. I mostly just didn’t wanna be selfish. I never asked them for an allowance or anything. That’s partly why-- well, this is weird, but they ran a shop. It was 10 yen to use the phone booth in the shop. I used to pilfer money out of it to buy snacks at the dagashiya. (laughs)

ーDid your health take a turn for the worse because of the change that happened in your life?

aiko: I got fat, really fat. If I had to guess why, they seemed to think I was gonna grow up to be pretty big. I shot up like a beanstalk. If you look at pictures of me then, I was super tall from my waist down. I wasn’t sure how much taller I was gonna get…… Well, that didn’t turn out well for me, did it? (laughs) I was starting to get pretty chunky though. My home life had changed, I was eating dinner later, and my meals were different too, so that was to be expected. My parents also weren’t around, which mean I was able to eat all kinds of stuff. Y’know, like things I was never allowed to eat before. Before I knew it, I’d developed a terrible habit of scarfing food down, and snacking between meals. My life was pretty irregular too. Oh yeah, that was about the time I discovered what potato chips tasted like. (laughs) I started craving them, even though before I was like, “Ughhh, these give me heartburn!” Basically, I got fat because I was binge eating and drinking.

ーMaybe it was caused by all the stress and loneliness you were feeling from the change in your daily routine.

aiko: I think that was why. I’m sure I was only stuffing my face because of all the stress. The aunt I was living with hit me pretty hard a couple times too, although it was always my fault. I’d do something to make her mad, didn’t understand why she was mad at me, and would slam the door shut in her face wondering what the hell she was so mad about. I really copped an attitude with her. She slapped me hard on the cheek. My parents had spanked me and bopped me on the head before, but never that hard. She slapped me the way people do in TV shows, like on  “Botan to Bara”. I was SO shocked. Every house has its own method of discipline, right? They didn’t seem to think it was a big deal to slap someone on the face in their household. I had never ever experienced anything like it before that, since my parents never got mad at me growing up. (laughs) It put me in such a dark mood. That probably stressed me out too.

ーIt’s a lot different being in the family than it is watching from the outside, even though they’re still relatives of yours.

aiko: Right. I realized it was different from all the times I’d come over to play. I started hanging in my room by myself when I got home from school a lot more. I could go outside, but none of my old friends were there because I’d moved. I used to play with the dogs outside a lot too. There were a large number of loose dogs in the neighborhood my relatives lived in. They weren’t feral or anything, it just a bunch of pet dogs that were all left off-leash. Mostly mutts and barely any little dogs, all puttering around the block. When I got home, I’d say, “I’m back!” and they would all come running.

ーSo they were left off-leash to wander around even though they were all someone’s pets?

aiko: Yeah. I had a dog at my relatives’ house which we also left off-leash. It was normal there at the time. Not anymore, though. They’re all tied up now; I feel sorry for them. Dogs used to live more like cats back in the old days. They used to go wherever they wanted, and then come backーkind of like the place in “Hanada Shounen Shi”, where they let all the pet dogs run loose and tied up all the strays. (laughs) My dog used to be a stray. I found him tied to a telephone pole with a ribbon, the kind they tie up newspapers in, whining. I brought him home and they let me keep him. My relatives had all kinds of animals at home, although not as many as we used to have. I had a pet flying squirrel too, as well as some common hill mynas I kept out on the veranda. Those got eaten by a cat though, which really upset me.

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[serenailith]

Home

Since he was five years old, Steve has shared dreams with another boy. It's not a common thing - at least, as far as Steve knows. But as they grow up, Steve and Tony grow closer. They don't get time outside of the dreams, but Steve won't let that get in the way. All he cares about is the fact that Tony is Tony, the wonderful, eccentric, self-destructive, self-deprecating, stubborn, beautiful mess he's grown up with in his dreams. Tony is home.

[peanut-sub]

電波少女と空想庭園 / Radiowave Girl and the Fantastic Garden Music, Lyrics, Video: cosMo@BousouP Illustrations, Storyboard: syuri22 http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm18163371

"まちは　ふこうを　とりのぞく　ぜつぼうのふちにたつ　もの　の” “The town rescues those on the brink of despair” “ときに　じょうり　さえも　ねじまげながら" “Even those whose reasoning is distorted”

電波少女と空想庭園 Radiowave Girl and the Fantastic Garden

ぼくは　ついに　しってしまった I finally realized このせかいの　うらがわに　ひそむ　やみのことを The dark ones who lurk on the other side of the world

ぼくらの　こころを　きずなを　ばらばらに　ひきさきこわす Our hearts are broken and scattered "げんじつ"　という　とてもおそろしいせかいがあることを By the awful, horrible world called “Reality”

そこにすんでる　まものがあるひ　しんりゃくを　はじめたので One day, those demons dwelling there launched an attack "けん"よりも　つよい　"ペン"で　たたかうことにしました So I started to fight back, using my “Pen” that’s stronger than any “Sword”

そのまま　ぼくさつ　するのも　えづらてきに　アレすぎるので Drawing the demons beaten to death would be too much まほうのペンとして　つかうことにしました So, wielding my Pen, I decided to use it another way!

まほうのペンで　なかまのイラスト　こくうに　ささと　かけば If I draw my friends in the air with my magical Pen つぎつぎと　ホンモノのなかまへと　"じったい か"　しました One by one, they come alive, turning into real friends

ださん　も　しっと　も　ゲスな　したごころも　あしのひっぱりあいも　ない There’s no selfishness, jealousy, ulterior motives, or dragging each other down しょうしんしょうめいの　ホンモノの　なかまです Just authentic and genuine friends

ひび　しんしょくを　つづける　"げんじつ"に　"もうそう"　の　ちからを　みせつけてやる I’ll show the ever-corrupting “Reality” the power of “Delusions”

"ぼくだけの　ふぁんたじあ" “My own Fantasia”

ぼくの　かんがえた　さいきょうの　ぱーてぃーで　かえりうちに　してやろうぞ My best most strongest party and I decided to rise to the challenge

このせかいを　こわさせやしない We won’t let this world be destroyed ---アナタノ　ソノ　フコウニ　サヨナラ･･･--- ---Goodbye to your sorrow...--- ---ムゲンニ　トザシタ　マチデ　シュウエンノ　セツナマデ--- ---Until the moment that this city, locked in illusions, reaches its limit--- ---ネガイ　ホシ　ト　トモニ･･･--- ---Along with the Wishing Star...---

ぼくのえがいた　なかまを　しょうかい　するよ Let me introduce you to my drawn companions (YEAAAAAAAAH!!!)

どらごん　やせい　まるだし　くまさん Dragon, Mr. Openly Wild Bear けるべろす　きちょうな　かものはし　あるぱか　そのた　おおぜい　いか　りゃく Cerberos, Precious Platypus, Alpaca, etc. and many others I left out (BOOOOOOOOOO!!!)

すこし　えがきすぎて　ちょっとした　ひゃっきやこう Soon I drew so many that it became rather chaotic もはや　ぱーてぃー　って　レベルじゃねぇぞ！　これなら　もう　なにも　こわくない This is no longer just a Party! From here on, nothing can scare us anymore

かずのぼうりょく　まるでこうずい　せいぎとは　そんなものさ The violence of sheer numbers is like a flood, but that’s just what “justice” is なみだ　なし　には　かたれない　どらま　が　あったり　なかったり There may or may not be drama, but there’s no deception worth crying over

ごつごうしゅぎ　これだから　フィクションは　やめられないね Fiction is self-serving, there’s no way we can be stopped あらゆる　こうてい　ふきとばして　ラスボスにたどりついた！ Blowing through the rest of the levels, I arrived at the last boss!

☆ラスボス☆ "きみは　このせかい　が　"きょこう"　と　きづいた ☆Last Boss☆ “You recognized that this world is but 'fiction'” ともに　げんじつ　の　せかいに　もどるきは　ないかね？" “Why don’t you return to the real world with me?”

　はい ＞いいえ 　Sure >No

"いやだね　ぼくにとっては　ここが　ほんとの　せかい “No way, as far as I’m concerned, this is the real world” たにんから　おしつけられた　げんじつ　なんて　いらない" “I don’t want a reality that’s forced onto me by others”

☆ラスボス☆ "そうか　ならば　しかたがない　キミn・・・" ☆Last Boss☆ “I see, then it can’t be helped. You-”

"うるさい！これでおしまいだ！！ぜんぐん　とつげき！！" “Shut up! This is your end!! Everyone, attack!!”

☆ラスボス☆ "なに！？ま　まてっ　ぐわあああああああ！" ☆Last Boss☆ “What!? W- wait, gwaaaaaaah!”

こうして　せかいは　あっというまに　へいわを　とりもどした Thus, peace was restored to the world in the blink of an eye いいじゃない　♪おんがく♪だし　あまりながいと　きらわれちゃうし The ♪music♪  isn’t too bad, but if it’s too long I might start to hate it

ふじょうり　ばかり　なげる　"げんじつ"　を　たおした　いま We defeated “Reality” with nothing but absurdity あたらしい　プロローグが　エンドロールを　くいやぶった Now I’ll use this new prologue to take a bite out of the end credits

のぞめば　かみさまに　だってなれる　あたまの　なか　から　ばんぶつ　えがきだせ Drawing everything out from within my mind, I can become a god if I wish "ぼくだけの　ふぁんたじあ" “My own Fantasia”

ぼくの　つむぐ　ものがたり　おびやかすなら　かえりうちに　してやろうぞ If the story I spin becomes too scary, we’ll rise to the challenge

"このせかいを　まもりつづけると　きめた！" “I decided to keep protecting this world!”

☆ "やれやれ　とんだ　ちゃばん　に　つきあってしまった" ☆ “My goodness, I can’t believe I went along with such an awful charade”

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