#【 v. the spare. 】 ¦ & i am her other half; for better or worse.

[wolfofwinchester]

"Why do I feel like I've just been knocked down a peg."

[peregrineggsandham]

Updates on that blind Hollow Knight playthrough (sorry, my speculations and musings got... wordy and poetic). Friendly reminder I am working off of incomplete info/context so far:

[spoilers]

I would die for Hive Knight

2. I would also die for my growing family of Grimmchild, a bunch of flying grub versions of me, three weaverlings, Hornet (who is apparently my half-sister if I am understanding this correctly, I went and found the Weaver's Den and had a Moment of Comprehension), and my imprisoned twin (?) whom I swear I am going to break out of there if it kills me holy shit this puts that first ending/battle with them into such heartbreaking context. And Mato, who claimed fatherhood rights. And our growing collection of kindly grandparents. Also we're adopting Dung Defender, he's family now, I don't make the rules.

3. I cannot decide/determine if the king and queen made the vessels kingsmould-style and never expected them to be people in the first place, in which case taking the Hollow Knight and leaving the rest to die was a tragic mistake... or if they made them children-style and then tossed them into the abyss in an effort to hollow them out, meaning the tragedy is not only that this failed and they never realized it but also that they fully believed/understood that they'd killed thousands of their children...

(...and still believe it - the White Lady said she thinks I can hold the infection, that the Hollow Knight was "corrupted by an idea instilled", but our siblings' journal entry reads "fragment of a lingering will" and nothing hollow would meditate with Mato or sit with Quirrel or bow back at the start of Grimm's dance - suggesting we all were never hollow and yet still she claims us - needs us - to be empty...)

I think the latter option fits better with "no cost too great" but it also means it was a very explicit sacrifice of children, not of constructs that they just... didn't realize were children. So. That's. Something.

4. Quirrel is fine. I do not care about the obvious implications. I have seen too many friends die now to assume the worst. Cloth said she was leaving Hollownest and Quirrel said there was nothing left here for him, or something to that effect, so I choose to believe he is with her. There is no body. If the Old Stag can hope, so can I.

4a. Corollary: Nailsmith is also fine.

5. I would like to apologize personally to everyone I privately chucked at for finding Grimm vaguely attractive. I. Mm. I, uh, I understand. (It's that dramatic flair combined with polite ass-kicking. Great taste in decor, color, and music, holy heck the music.) His fight was the best thing since Hornet Version 2, or even the Mantis Lords...

6. ....AND WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN TOMORROW. Well. I say "again". Again but more so. (I have been practicing, I see what I need to do, I just need to do it. I can consistently get him to the first round of... can I call it his pufferfish form? That's what I've been calling it. I'm sorry. It's just. It's so silly. I love it.)

6a. Corollary: I thought a lot about what to do with the Troupe. I'm not looking up what happens if you break the lantern or don't - I went there to speak with Brumm (and panicked and left when he started whaling on the lantern) and on the one hand it sounds very much like they are all slaves to an endless cycle of death and rebirth (?). All things need to end. On the other hand... what would ending that cycle do? They don't really seem to be causing any harm - eating nightmares? The people have plenty to spare! Honestly in this world, normal dreams seem to be worse. I'd take the nightmare, thanks. At least the music kicks ass.

And this cycle doesn't seem like the endless stasis imposed by the King on Hallownest. This seems as old as time. So, end the cycle and... what? They are vessels, all of them (lowercase v, vessels, not Vessels) for the Flame - so they say - and they may not always have been. Once, perhaps, they were their own people, now chained to this... giant beating flaming heart. Grimm likely is chained most of all. Burn the father, feed the child, I get it, his will be the last flame the Grimmchild devours. I expect he'll die, and the child will take his place. But dance and die and live forever, the poem says - what is inherited, exactly? Flame, yes. Title? Name? I doubt they'll be the Grimmchild Troupe from this point on. Godhood? Even memory? When Grimm is staggered in his battle, he splits into a number of little things, almost shades, little Grimmchildren. How many have there been?

That's why the White Lady compared us, I assume - we are both the children of kings, set to inherit the title and all the horrors that come with it. What will becoming such a thing do to Grimmchild? All things considered, giant beating heart of patchwork and flame and all, Grimm seems... fine, really. Chipper enough. Certainly no one but Brumm has expressed a desire to leave - but then, if he's right, the child was born into servitude, and a desire to leave is absolutely secondary to having the choice to do so. Maybe ending the cycle would free them all. Maybe the son would not have to eat the father. Or maybe it'd destroy them both.

Would that be preferable?

Another consideration: They are vessels, in their own way. Would we be freeing what they contain?

We took the place of the Hollow Knight, in that first ending. So does the Grimmchild take the place of the father, if I'm right. Everyone is being frustratingly vague about this Ritual business. If we ever find a way to defeat the infection, and not merely recontain it, will the bugs it has taken be left behind, living and whole? I doubt it. They are already dead. (Myla Myla Myla Myla Myla). So, is destroying the lantern akin to destroying the infection, or more to breaking the seals?

Nightmares and dreams aren't all that different, but at least the former seems content to only visit for a while rather than to sit and spread and infect. Though I imagine it helps that they are still storied, still talked about in hushed tones - unlike whatever forgotten Light the Seer spoke of before her... ascension. Not death. I refuse to think we lost another friend. Point is, if the Nightmare King and this dream-making Light are kin, the former seems to treat his... vessels?... much more kindly. Namely, they are still alive. They sing! They dance!

So what would be left of Grimm and his child if you tore the heart out from them both? Maybe the others would survive - Brumm gave us his flame without death, after all - but would they be themselves? Would they be happier? Emptier? It doesn't matter. Forget them.

Ha! Forget them! Now there's a sobering realization! I don't think the troupe's presence is an active harm to Dirtmouth, or to the kingdoms surrounding what is left of Hallownest. But even if it was... I, and our little friend as I play them, would still prioritize Grimmchild's wellbeing over that of the ruins of the kingdom - and its remaining inhabitants. And even the rest of the troupe! Maybe that's cruel! Maybe that's wrong! But it's the exact opposite decision to what the Pale King did, and I think we are too young (we are still a child) and too ancient (the kingdom is long-dead and we were born before its fall) and too unused to thought (after all, we returned from outside the kingdom, where memory and mind are fuzzy if either the plaque or Quirrel are to be believed) to fully comprehend nuance.

After all, I have hardcore leaned into the little friend (been also calling them little ghost since that's what Hornet calls them and I think the fandom as well?) taking one look at Grimmchild and deciding immediately that they could be a better parent than the Pale King.

But... there are still costs too great.

(In fairness we did also yeet our infant into the abyss but we also jumped down and we climbed out again together and also they had wings, so. it's fine.)

They're already touched by Void through our influence - the eyes of their charm leak black, and that has to mean something. Maybe this is a dead kingdom that we can exist in together. Two kings with nothing to rule except our own lives. Maybe we can break the cycle - later, on our own terms, and after hearing every side of the story.

I'd gone to consult with Grimm, after speaking with Brumm - but he was asleep, and his nightmare was a dance. I am so very, very excited to dance with him again.

So we are completing the ritual.

...eventually.

...as soon as this little fucker just. when he just. just stays still for a- just stand still for a moment and let me- alright look-

.....

.............

........................

7. Also I still don't know what I'm supposed to use all of these rancid eggs for, good lord, we must smell like a sulfur pit.

8. Also how many iterations of Zote are there???

8a. Bretta can do better.

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 47

Title:  Truth

Warnings: profanity, slight angst, mentions of suicide attempt, depression,  mental health issues

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @miss-smutty, @tragiclyhip​

“Esme told me. About your so-called girls trip. That it was nothing but bullshit.”

Sighing heavily, Riley leans back against one of the panes of glass; legs stretched out in front of her, arms folded across her chest. She’d only arrived an hour ago, and the initial joy and excitement of being rushed by a horde of children had been quickly replaced by frazzled nerves and nibbles of anxiety. The moment he’d approached when she’d been alone in the kitchen, she’d known it wasn’t with good intentions; the deep rumble of his voice, the tense shoulders and jaw, the increasing darkness taking over his eyes. And she’d barely gotten words of acknowledgment and acceptance out of her mouth when his fingers had curled around her upper arm and she found herself being manipulated her towards the sunroom. The door closing behind them and her brother in planting his large, strong frame directly in front of it.

She’s been witness to his ire; possessing a hair-trigger temper that’s been unleashed many times in her presence. Unsuspecting motorists in town that have come too close to his kids while in the crosswalk; profanities hurled in their direction, objects thrown at the car, a foot put through a headlight or front grill more than once. Overzealous parents at the soccer park or lacrosse field that believe their eight year old is the next athletic superstar; pacing the sidelines while screaming insults at teenaged referees and freaking out over poor play of their own kid or others on the field. Only to have a tattooed, six foot three, ‘built like a brick shit house’ coach storm across the grass to confront them on their bullshit; quietly yet intently calling them out and often physically escorting them away from the game. Or men that have the audacity to not just check his wife out, but make lewd remarks about her to their buddies or even attempt to follow her while making suggestive and highly sexualized comments. Never imagining that her husband is either just feet in front or behind her, or even across the street waiting to meet up with her. 

They always regret their decision when they see him happen upon the scene; casually and calmly greeting her with a warm -albeit brief- embrace and a chaste kiss to the lips before turning his attention to the culprits. While some will put up a good fight and try to defend their egos and their masculinity by arguing with him, most attempt to apologize their way out of the mess they created. Stammering and stumbling over their words; frazzled and intimidated and even visibly shaking from the fear of getting their asses handed to them.

She’s even unintentionally wandered into the house while Tyler and Esme have been engrossed in a blow out themselves. Shortly after his release from the hospital; the horrific and constant pain and the frustration of slower than expected healing getting the better of him and causing to snap. Nothing too serious; raised voices and cupboards being slammed and plates and utensils being angrily tossed into the sink. By BOTH parties.

While seeing the actual explosion of his temper is bad enough, it’s the lead up that tends to be the scarier. The darkening of the eyes and the cold, fixed glare. The way his shoulders tense and his jaw clenches. The visible throbbing of the vein his neck; surgically repaired twelve and a half years after a teenager’s bullet that sliced through it and nearly taken his life. And while his height and his powerful build and the myriad of tattoos and scars are intimidating to most that come in contact with him, Tyler is not a threatening person. At least not intentionally. He’s normally quiet and reserved; taking the time to sit back and watch and listen to the people and the activity around him. Thoroughly analyzing and calculating every move they make and the words that come out of their mouths; assessing whether they both pose a threat and if they can be trusted and allowed into his extremely small, tight circle. Once you get to know him, you realize that while he’s a big man, he has an even bigger heart; compassionate and patient and possessing so much love and adoration for his wife and his children. Enormously protective; wanting nothing more for them to be happy and safe. And willing to do anything and everything to keep them that way.

She has never been on THIS side of the fence; the one being targeted by that intense and unwavering gaze. Not once getting on her brother in law’s bad side; enjoying the teasing and light hearted bickering and the backhanded compliments that their relationship has been built upon. Knowing what subjects to never broach and what lines to never -under any circumstances- cross; acknowledging and respecting his triggers and always doing her best to steer clear from them. A mutual respect exists between them; Tyler grateful for the never ending support that Riley provides her sister with, and Riley ever thankful for the world that he’s created for her sister. A man that loves her so profoundly and unconditionally; making her the centre of his universe and putting everything he has and everything he is into giving her a good life. Making her a mother; something she’d wanted for years and had given up hope on when things between her and Mark had gone so wrong. A hands-on father and a partner in every possible way; devoting every spare minute he has to her and his kids and doing whatever he can to make amazing memories for all of them to carry into adulthood. She’s never seen Esme THAT happy; peaceful and content despite all of the issues that have plagued them and the rocky terrain they’ve covered together and the scarier than hell situations they’ve gone through. Somehow making her even stronger than before; resilient and phenomenally patient, yet ferociously protective when need be.

“I told her she needed to tell you,” Riley says, and nervously drums the fingernails on her right hand against the wine glass clutched tightly in her right. “That it had gone on long enough; her keeping that a secret. That you had the right to know and…”

“I had a right to know WHEN it happened,” Tyler interjects. “What I can’t figure out is why no one realized that then. Why you didn’t tell me. Why you kept it a secret.”

“She asked me not to. Said that it was better if you didn’t know. She was worried what it would do to you; putting that kind of extra worry and stress on you when you were already going through your own shit.”

“And you agreed with her?”

“No. I didn’t. I argued against it, actually. Right away I told her that it was a bad idea; keeping that kind of thing from you.”

“But....”

“But when Esme gets something into her head, it’s hard to sway her from it. You know that better than anyone. You don’t easily change her mind when it’s dead set on something. She was convinced it would be bad for you. That hearing something like that could trigger you and bring on an episode and…”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“She was worried, Tyler. About the issues it might cause. And I told her that you were a lot stronger than she was giving you credit for; you were more than capable of taking care of your shit AND hers. But she was adamant to do things her way and I didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was. I didn’t want to make her worse.”

“You should have called me. Right after you got off the phone with her. As soon as she told you how she was feeling, you should have hung and got a hold of me and told me what was going on.”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you. She asked me to help her, and I did. I went over to the house and I stayed with her and the kids. I did everything I could to calm her down and talk her off the edge…”

“That should have been MY job. I should have been the one to do all of that.”

“Well you weren’t exactly around, were you. You were thousands of miles away. On a job. A lot of good you could have done being all the way in Brazil. Instead of home with your family.”

A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Don’t do that. Don’t turn this around on me. What I do for a living and how I provide for my family is none of your business. I’m not the same guy I was when I met your sister. I’m not that deep in it anymore.”

“You run a mercenary business. You may not be the one going out there and putting your ass on the line and killing people, but you’re still sending other guys to do it. Your hands aren’t clean, Tyler. Don’t pretend they are. I don’t care what you do or what you used to do. I don’t care how many lives you’ve taken or HOW you took them. But don’t act like you’re innocent. Not with your track record.”

“This isn’t about me or what I do for a living or what I send other people to do. None of that matters. That’s business. It has no bearing on my personal life. I’m not the same guy when I’m working as I am when I’m at home. When I’m a husband and a father. That’s the only thing you should give a shit about. How I treat your sister. And I love her and I will do anything to protect her.”

“You wouldn’t have to do that if you didn’t do what you do,” Riley counters. “ Do you ever stop and think about that? How you wouldn’t have this fear of something happening to her or someone hurting her if you weren’t who you are?”

“I wouldn’t have met Esme if I wasn’t who I am. You seem to forget that part. That she was in it just as much as I was. That she was working WITH me. She’d been in the game for a while; before she ever met me. So she’s not entirely innocent herself, is she. If she had been, she never would have shown up on my doorstep that day. I never would have laid eyes on her. There’d be no us and there’d be no kids. And your sister and those kids? Best damn things that ever happened to me.”

“I don’t deny that. Same way I don’t deny how much you love her. Or that you’d do anything for her. But she asked me to keep it a secret. She wanted to protect you.”

“And you just went along with it.”

“Against my better judgement, yeah, I did. I didn’t call you because I didn’t need your help. I had it under control. I got her calm and off the ledge and…”

“I should have been the one doing all of that. And if you’d just called me…”

“And what? What would you have done? What could you have possibly said that would have been any better than what came out of my mouth? Look, I understand; I get why you’re pissed. She shouldn’t have lied to you. And I told her that.”

“ You should have never kept that from me. You should have told me what happened. The things that she said. That she was that bad off. That she was going to hurt herself.”

“I don’t think she was going to do it. I think she was anxious and panicking and scared and,...”

“It doesn’t matter if she was going to do it or not!” he argues. “The fact she even said it is bad enough. And you should have told her you weren’t going to lie for her. You should have told her to fuck off when she even brought up this bullshit of wanting to protect me. And you should have called me and told me and I would have come home. Right away.”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you. She asked me to help her and keep it a secret and I did. Because she’s my sister.”

“She’s my wife!” he snarls. “The mother of my children. And I’m sorry if it pisses you off that both those things trump her being your sister. Don’t even compare the two. I’m her husband. I had every goddamn right to know what happened!”

“You did,” Riley admits. “But I’ll hold firm that it wasn’t my place to tell you.”

“My wife tells you that she wants to kill herself and you don’t think it’s your place to tell me that? What if you weren’t around, Riley? What if you didn’t live right next door? Or even in Australia.? What if she hadn’t been able to call you for help?”

“It doesn’t matter. Because I DO live there.”

“It fucking matters to me. What if she’d tried to call you and couldn’t get a hold of you? What then? What if she had decided to go through with it? You know what have happened? One of my kids would have found her. They would have wondered why mummy wasn’t up in the morning to make them breakfast and get them off to school. And they would have gone in there and found her. Dead. Kids, Riley. MY kids.”

“I never thought of that. I never…”

“Do you know what that would have done to them? Finding their mother like that? Do you know how bad that would have fucked them up for the rest of their life? If they’d seen that?”

Struggling to hold back a flood of tears, she takes a swallow of wine in an attempt to wash away the lump of emotion threatening to choke her. “I just never considered all of that.”

“I know what it’s like to lose your mother. At a really young age. It screwed me up. And it continues to screw me up; everything that came after it and all the bullshit I went through because of my father. And the way I lost her? That was bad enough. But it would have been nowhere like how my kids would have lost their mother.”

“I’m sorry, Tyler. I never…”

“I had a right to know. As soon as she told you how she felt and what was going through her head? You should have called me. I would have been on the next plane home. There is nothing in this world that is more important than her. Nothing.”

“I know that. I know how you feel about her. I see it every time you look at her. The way you smile at her and always find little ways to touch her. The way you watch her when she talks. I’ve always seen that. And you’re right; I should have called you. But my main concern was taking care of her. Making sure SHE was okay. I did what she asked.”

“What stopped you from telling me after you got her settled? Once you realized she was going to be okay. What stopped you from calling me? Some stupid fucking promise you made to her?”

“It wasn’t a stupid fucking promise. She was trying to protect you. She didn’t want to put it on you. Didn’t want to take the risk of it causing you issues. And I have to say, I agreed with her. To an extent.”

“I’m not some fragile fucking piece of china you have to coddle and keep away from everyone. I’m a grown ass man. And I may be messed up and have mountains of shit I deal with every day, but I am more than capable of taking care of your sister. Of my wife.”

“I know. I know you are. And I’m sorry that it came out this way. That she waited this long to tell you. I’m sorry that…”

“Don’t.” Tyler holds up a hand to silence her.. “Don’t do that. Don’t put all the blame on her. I get where she’s coming from; she’s neurotic and she worries about me and she’s got it in her head that she needs to protect me the same way I do her. Doesn’t matter how many times I tell her I don’t need it or that I don’t want her doing it; she’s going to go ahead with it anyway. But you? Going along with that? When you know what she means to me? How can you stand here and defend this? Act like it’s no big deal that you kept this from me? What the fuck, Riley?”

“I said I was sorry. That you had to find out this way. That it took this long. What more do you want from me?”

“How about admitting you fucked up? That you never should have gone along with it. That you should have called me. How about admitting all THAT?”

“Let’s get something straight, Tyler. You’re not my boss. I’m not one of your ‘guys’. You don’t dictate how I do things. You don’t question my decisions. You don’t chastise me for ‘bad behaviour’. I love you. I think you’re a great guy. In the same way I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to Me-Me. I think you’re an amazing husband and an even better father. But you’re my brother in law. That’s it. I have no ties to you other than through my sister and my nieces and nephews. My loyalty lies with Esme. First and foremost. And I’m sorry that you think this is some horrible betrayal. I did what my sister asked. That’s it.”

“What you did was wrong. And you fucking know it. We aren’t just talking about some girl, Riley. We’re talking about my wife. The mother of my children. My SEVEN children. The woman that I love more than anything in this world. Who I love more than I ever thought I could love another human being. Who saved my life. And if you can’t understand why you should have told me…”

A knock comes to the door, followed by the rattling of the handle .“Dad?” TJ’s voice from the other side. “Can I come in?”

“Not right now, mate. Auntie Riley and I are talking about some stuff. That little ears don’t need to hear.”

“Mum wanted me to check on you. To make sure you were alright. You’ve been a little...off...for a few days.”

“Tell your mum I’m okay. That there’s nothing for her to worry about.”

“Yeah...right…” TJ scoffs. “This is mum we’re talking about. She worries no matter what. You think you’d be used to it by now. You’ve only been married to her for like a hundred years.”

“Twelve,” he informs his son. “In October. Feels like it’s been a hundred years some days.”

“I won’t tell her you said that. I know how much you hate sleeping on the couch. Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Teej. I’ll be out in a few minutes. Go and get washed up for dinner, okay? Make sure your brothers and sisters do too. Food will be here soon.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“You’re gettin’ as bad as your mum. I’m fine. Everything’s good. Go and do as I said. Tell mum I won’t be much longer.”

“Alright,” TJ reluctantly agrees, and Tyler waits until he hears him walk away; heavy, stomping footsteps across the kitchen floor as he shouts the information from one end of the house to the other.

“We’re going to have to agree to disagree when it comes to this,” Riley says, and downs the remains of her wine. “I’m sorry that I didn’t call you. That my main priority was my sister and not calling you.”

“For the last time, your sister is my wife. And my main priority is her. Twelve and half years. That’s how long I’ve been with her. That’s how long I’ve been going through hell and back with her. FOR her. You don’t even know the half of what we’ve been through together. The crap that we’ve dealt with. I’m the one that’s been there; by her side through every fucking shitty thing that’s been thrown us. I’m the one that’s gotten her through a lot of hard times. The one that’s talked her down and kept her calm. Who’s been stepping up and being there for her no matter what I’m going through. So don’t you stand here and tell me that I couldn’t have done a better job than you when it comes to taking care of MY wife .”

“I could have been there for her too, you know. And I would have been had you NOT moved her all the way to the other side of the goddamn world.”

“You know who you sound like right now? When you say that? I’ll give you three guesses but you’re only going to need one.”

Riley scowls. “Don’t you even go there. I am nothing like her. I’m the one that accepted you into the family. I’m the one that saw how good you were with her. FOR her. I’ve always been on your side, Tyler. Even when everyone else was against you and I ended up getting alienated for it. Kicked out of my own family because I always defended you. Because Esme was happy and in love with you and I could tell you felt the same way about her.”

“So you were on my side. So what? You want some kind of award for it? A fucking cookie? You were a kid, Riley. You weren’t even a senior in high school when we moved to Colorado. You had no clue what happened. Why we had to leave Australia, how we were broke as fuck and ended up living in your folks’ basement. It broke your sister’s heart to leave. We didn’t have much, but we were happy there. Happier than either of us had been in a long time. She had someone that loved her and a beautiful baby girl and she didn’t want much more than that.”

“You’re right. I don’t know the details. I don’t know the reason you guys came back. I WAS a kid. And totally absorbed in my own world. But it didn’t mean that I didn’t care about my sister. Or miss her. That I wasn’t glad she was back.”

“She never wanted to go back to Colorado. That was all me. All my idea. And she went along with it and she tried to make the best of it and it nearly fucking destroyed us. You have no clue how bad things got. The issues that being there caused. How close we came to ending everything. All she ever wanted was to be back in Australia. She would cry about it at night; tell me that she wasn’t happy and that she was worried being back in the States was going to destroy us. And it came close. So fucking close.”

“I didn’t know that. I know that you had some problems. That you started drinking again and got back into the job and the pills and…”

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know. That we’ve kept back. From everyone connected to her family. I didn’t just move your sister to the other side of the world. I gave her what she wanted. I busted my ass to make it happen; to get her back there. To get her home. Because that’s where she wanted to be. So don’t fucking pretend you know what we went through and don’t ever accuse me of taking her away from you. Because that’s not what happened. That’s just what you’ve been told.”

“It is,” she admits. “That’s exactly what I was told. I mean, I knew most of it wasn’t true. I knew you weren’t controlling or abusive and that you didn’t force her to go back. I knew you weren’t that kind of guy. But I WAS a kid. And still stupid enough to believe most of the bullshit that was being fed to me.”

“When I say there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for your sister, I mean it. They aren’t just empty words. I’m not just saying it to hear myself talk or to make her feel better. I say it because it’s one hundred percent true. And had you called me, I would have been on the first flight home. I would have said ‘fuck the job’ and got on the next plane out of there. So I could help my wife.”

“I’m sorry, Tyler. I SHOULD have called you. But I was so worried about her and I thought what I was doing was right for her.”

“You played a really dangerous game with my wife’s life. Do you realize that? How badly it all could have backfired on you? How one little thing could have set her off? If you’d just called me, I could have talked her down. I could have gotten her off that ledge. A lot easier and a lot quicker than you did.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t…”

“I DO know that. Because I’m the one that she needed. I’ve always been the one she’s needed. And that’s not just going to stop. Not until I’m dead and buried and I can’t do it anymore. What she wanted at that time and what was best for her, were two totally different things. And the fact you didn’t realize that? That you played this fucking game with her life?”

“That’s not what I was trying to do. At all. I thought I was doing what was best for Esme. That’s what we both want, right? To do what’s best for her?”

“That wasn’t what was best for her. That was possibly the WORST thing for her. I know she’s your sister, but I’ve shared a life with her for more than a decade now. I think I know her a hell of a lot better than you do.”

“Of course you do. What the two of you have? That love? That bond? That’s way more than she’s ever had before. With anyone.”

“Don’t ever play a game like that again, Not when it comes to Esme. You have no idea what it would do to me to lose her. What it would do to my kids. HER kids. So don’t you ever again underestimate my ability to take care of my wife. Don’t you EVER get in between me and her again.”

Riley approaches him; slowly and cautiously, palms raised in both surrender and a plea for calm. “That is NOT what I meant to do. I would NEVER do that. I wasn’t trying to cause issues between the two of you. I was trying to help her. That’s it.”

“Well you almost made an even bigger mess, so…” his words trails off and he takes a step back when she attempts to embrace him. “...don’t do that. Don’t touch me. We’re not back at that point. We won’t be for a while. I’m not the kind of guy that just hugs it out, you know?”

“I’m trying here, Tyler. I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. For the lie to get as far as it did. I told her to tell you. I told her…”

“Oh my god…” he chuckles and shakes his head incredulously. “...you just don’t get it. You either didn’t listen to a goddamn word I said or you don’t give a fuck. You never should have went along with it. It’s as simple as that. You should have called me. So I could take care of my wife. But you didn’t. You fucked up. You caused all of this. Don’t put all the blame on her. I won’t let you do that.”

“Can we at least agree that we both want what’s best for her? That even if we DO make mistakes, all that we really want is what’s best for Esme?”

“I think that’s one thing we CAN agree on.”

“And can we go out there and at least pretend to be friends? I don’t want to make things worse on her. You know she’s struggling. That she’s having a really hard time right now. Can we at least do our best to not make things harder for her?”

“Yeah…” he nods. “...I can do that.”

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t think things through better. But I really did think I was handling it fine. That I was doing what was best for her. For my sister.”

“I know what’s best for her. For my wife. Even more than she does. So I appreciate your help, but I think you need to step back and realize that you don’t know shit. Not when it comes to this kind of thing. Next time...and I hope to hell there isn’t a next time...you call me. Regardless of what she says.”

“I will,” she promises. “I definitely will.”

“This ends here. What we talked about, the things that were said. She doesn’t need to know. It’s better if she doesn’t. If she asks, we had a heated discussion and disagreed on a lot but we got through it. What really happened doesn’t go further from this room. Understand me?”

Riley nods.

“Don’t you ever question my loyalty or my ability to take care of my wife,” he warns, then turns on his heel and heads for the door.

*****

It’s shortly after midnight when she hears his footfalls on the stairs. The sound familiar and comforting; the slight drag of the right leg, the soft creaks as wood shifts and flexes under his weight. Three hours ago he’d gone upstairs to tend to the kids’ bedtime routines; keeping the older yet easily distracted ones on track, giving the littlest their baths and combing out the girls’ hair and helping them into their pyjamas. Since her confession earlier in the day, he’s been even more hands on and attentive than usual. Practically glued to her side and quick with the affection; spontaneous hugs or arms wrapped tightly around her from behind, gentle fingers combing through her hair and tucking it behind her ears, kisses pressed to her forehead or temple or corners of her mouth. Insisting on either helping her with things around the house or refusing to do anything at all; ordering to sit back and relax and let him and the kids take care of her for a change.

While it had been both welcome and appreciated, she’d also been well aware that he’d been overcompensating. Her admittance to thoughts of self harm and suicide not doubt a kick to the gut; opening his eyes to just to the depths and the extent of her own issues, and feeding into his number one fears. It’s always been his worst nightmare; losing her unexpectedly and to something he could have controlled, or at least prevented. Illness and an accident on the road are horrific in their own way; a disease that eats away at her and eventually kills her, or something that suddenly and unexpectedly occurs and snatches her out of his life. But to lose her to something he could have stepped in and stopped is completely unacceptable in his eyes. An assailant he could have fought off or at least prevented from getting closer to her. An action by her own hand would be something he’d never considered. In twelve and a half years she’s never spoken of harming herself; the one who’d had to stop him from taking his own life.

It had definitely blindsided him; how close he’d come to losing her and never even realizing there’d ever been the potential of it. And not being told sooner had devastated him. She’d seen the pain in his eyes; the hurt and the anger and the feeling of betrayal. He’s always stepped up and taken care of her regardless of his own issues and suffering; pushing everything aside to focus solely on her and what she needs.

Her not relying on him in the moment had done more damage than actually carrying on the lie. HE should have been the one she called. Confident he would have been able to calm her down and talk her off the ledge; giving him the time to get home and concentrate on her problems and her needs. And he would have done it; abandoned the job in favour of returning to Australia and focusing solely on her. But she hadn’t been in her right frame of mind; immediately believed that she had to protect HIM.

She definitely regrets THAT decision. And for keeping it a secret as long as she did.

“Hey,” she greets, looking up from the tablet resting on her thighs as he reaches the bottom landing. Clad in a pair of shorts made from cut up sweats and an old and tattered muscle shirt; the fabric littered with messes composed of dried paint, tiny hand prints infused with glitter, and stains made by various baby ‘accidents’ over the years. Hair messy and sticking up in several different directions; a pout curving his lips and the heels of his palms pressing into his weary eyes.

Twelve and half years later and he still brings about so many emotions and reactions. From lust to adoration to love and even melting because of moments of sheer adorableness; this big -and often intimidating- heavily tattooed man that possesses the strength and know how to kill with his bare hands often so cute and pure that her heart -and her hormones- can barely handle it.

“Hey,” Tyler says in return, pausing to lock the front door and set the alarm before switching off the foyer light and padding into the living room. “You’re awake.”

“I was going to say the same thing to you. You’ve been up there for a hell of a long time. I wasn’t sure if you’d crashed hard or been abducted by aliens. Or if you were just avoiding me. Like the plague.”

“Well I’m happy to report that no aliens showed up and anally probed me.”

“Your worst nightmare,” she grins. “Anyone getting anywhere near your ass.”

“I let you near my ass.”

“Let me rephrase it. Anyone exploring your ass with more than a finger.”

“First off, you’re disturbing. Second, I had three little ones fall asleep on me. Before that, one story turned into two, two turned into three, three turned into a dozen. Can you maybe burn all the copies of Goodnight Moon? Can they mysteriously disappear? Because I have been reading that damn thing almost every night for almost twelve years. What’s left of my sanity can’t take it anymore.”

“You know, instead of resorting to burning books, you could always say no to your children.”

"Yeah, not gonna happen.” He drops down heavily beside her. “I did crash, by the way. In Addie’s bed. I just woke up about ten minutes ago. She kicked me right in the nuts. Good thing you don’t want anymore kids.”

“There’s something so cute about that.”

He frowns. “About her kicking me in the balls?”

“No. About you falling asleep there. This big, burly guy with all his tattoos and scars totally crashed in a frilly canopy bed fit for a princess. I would have LOVED a picture of that.”

“Sorry to disappoint. None exist. You don’t get a chance to publicly humiliate me on social media. Not on this night, anyway.” Sighing, he pinches the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger, then stretches out his legs and places his bare feet on the coffee table. “And why would I have been avoiding you? What would be the reason for that?”

“Well I did fuck up. HUGE. And I did hurt your feelings. And offend you. All at once.”

“We talked about it. We said shit we needed to say. It’s done. Over with. Let’s keep it that way, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agrees, and slides closer to him on the couch; tucking her feet under her body as she snuggles into his side. “Let’s.”

Wrapping an arm around her petite frame, he drops a kiss on the top of her head. “What are you doing?”

“Looking up ideas for the backyard.” She holds the tablet up for him to see; an image of a tiny cottage made of distressed white wood and boasting a shingled roof and a sunlight and pink shutters on the windows. “We finally have the opportunity to totally concentrate on it. All the renos out of the way, all the garages and the granny flat are built, the pool house has been redone. Now we can work on other things. What do you think? It’s a she shed. I would LOVE a she shed.”

“That’s what they’re actually called? I’ve been calling them bitch barns.”

“You would,” she frowns, and he chuckles when she digs an elbow into his ribs. “Think you could build it?”

“Shouldn’t be hard. I’ve built a lot more complicated. And if you really DO want one, I’ll get on it. Soon as we get home.”

“I really do. Want one.”

“Then a bitch barn you shall have.”

She scowls.

“She shed,” he quickly corrects. “A SHE SHED you shall have.”

“And I was thinking a fire bowl. For the corner of the first floor deck. Closest to the pool. One of those propane ones. With the coloured glass stones. We could build a seating area around it, maybe get another swing to hang near it.”

“Whatever you want to do, we’ll do it. Just buy what you need or give me a list and I’ll take care of it. You know I really don’t care about this kind of stuff. I mean, it’s not that I don’t. It’s just that I trust you and you always pick out nice shit and it always looks great when it’s done.”

“You really ARE the best husband on earth,” Esme declares, and presses a kiss to the side of his neck; lips covering the scar long ago left behind by Farhad’s bullet and the surgery to repair the vein.

Smiling, he gives her hip a gentle squeeze and then runs her palm over her ribs and up onto her arm. Tightly clasping her shoulder as he presses a kiss to her forehead. “I try. All I wanna do is make my girl happy. And if what makes her happy is making the house look nice and wanting it to be beautiful and comfortable for all of us, then I’ll do whatever she needs me to do to make that all happen.”

“You DO trust me,” she chides, and leans forward to set the tablet on the coffee table before once more snuggling into him; arms circling his waist and her head resting on his chest. “How do you know I’m not going to buy stuff you’ll hate? That I’m not going to go crazy with the pastels? Or pink? Addie would LOVE that. We do share a favourite color, after all.”

“First of all, I know how much you love colour. The brighter the better. Second, you’d never do that; just buy stuff that you’ll like. You’ve NEVER done it. Not once in the past twelve and a half years. If you know I’ll hate, you won’t do it. That’s just not how you work.”

“Damn it,” she grumbles, and playfully pinches the sensitive area below his right ribcage. “That’s what I get for being so predictable.”

“It’s not that you’re predictable. It’s just that I know you. Very well. Better than you know yourself sometimes. Isn’t that kind of our ‘thing?’. Knowing one another better than we know ourselves?”

“Been our thing since almost day one. It’s kind of weird, don’t you think? As screwed up and as damaged as we were, we just...I don’t know...took to each other.”

“Is that before or after I tried to choke you out?” he chides.

“It was almost like we’d known each other for years. We knew what the other was thinking, we could express things to one another without even using words. We trusted each other. And it’s not like trust came easily to either of us. But for some reason, we knew we could. We had faith in one another.”

“My instincts told me you were good people. That I COULD trust you. And what do you always say? About how good my instincts are?”

“You have incredible instincts. They’ve never lied to you. At least not as long as I’ve known you. I have to say…” she grins up at him “...I’m quite happy that they thought I was good people.”

“It’s pretty safe to say I’m happy about that too.” Giving her shoulder another squeeze, Tyler slides his arm further up and wraps it around her neck, pulling her flush against him as he kisses her. Nothing urgent nor intense; fingertips and the pad of his thumb repeatedly grazing along her jaw as his lips move slowly and sinuously against hers. Her eyes still closed when he pulls away; the bridge of her nose wrinkling when he presses a kiss to the tip of it. “I feel like ice cream,” he announces. “Want some ice cream?”

“Hmmm…” She tilts her head to the side, crinkles on the bridge of nose deepening as she considers it. “...cheese toast.”

“And ice cream?”

“Why not? You only live once. Do you think we could have sex afterwards? My cramps went away and my period isn’t due for two weeks, so…”

“We can have sex first and then cheese toast and ice cream?”

She frowns. “Naww. Cheese toast first.”

“Are you telling me you’re picking cheese toast over having sex with your husband? Do you realize how hurtful that is? How offended I am?”

“I’m sorry! You know there’s anything in this world that’s better than sex with you. Nothing. But I’m hungry. And...well...this is cheese toast we’re talking about. You know how much I love cheese toast.”

“You claim to love ME, but I dunno…”

Her fingers fidget with loose strands of thread on the neckline of his tank. “Don’t be like that. You damn well know that I love you. Don’t want me at full strength? You don’t want me running on an empty tank do you? Because then I’ll get tired easily and I won’t be at my best and…”

“Won’t bother me. Your best is only at a B plus.”

“B plus! You asshole!” She aggressively ruffles his hair, then laughs when he curls an arm around her waist and dumps her onto her back. “You’re mean,” she dramatically pouts, as he places a foot on the floor and a knee on the couch beside her; palms above her head and pressed flat against the cushion as he looms over her.

“The meanest. But you know what?” He places a small peck on each corner of her mouth, then her lips. “I will still make you your goddamn cheese toast.”

“I knew you loved me,” she says, and then curls two fingers around the chain that dangles around his neck and pulls him into a kiss. Long and deep and intense; legs wrapping around his waist and her ankles locking together at the small of his back.

He grins down at her. “So is this a yes to having sex BEFORE cheese toast and ice cream?”

“It’s a promise to have sex with you AFTER cheese toast and ice cream.”

“Don't do me any favours,” he grumbles playfully, kissing her a final time before reaching around to pry her ankles apart. “You know….” he grimaces at the stiffness in the small of his back as he stands. “...you’re damn lucky you’re so cute. That I love you as much as I do.”

“Yes. Yes I am,” she agrees, and slides off the couch and follows him through the living and dining rooms and into the kitchen. Lending a hand by gathering bowls and spoons from the drainboard next to the sink; carrying them to the island and then perching on the edge of one of the barstools. “They’re all asleep? All the beasts?”

“Every last one. Even Millie and Alannah crashed earlier than usual. That’s a nice change; none of their bloody laughing and raiding the fridge and waking me up at three am.”

“We’re going to have to think about where she is going to go when we get back home. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to keep those two in the same room. I would like to have some semblance of sleep. All the square footage we added and all the rooms we made, and suddenly there is no room at the inn.”

“Could always clean out the garage and make another bedroom in there. It’s only going to be temporary, yeah? She’s not staying with us forever. I hope. I love the kid, but…”

“What about the granny flat? We added one above the new gym but it hasn’t been used yet. Could put her in there.”

“She’s eleven. We are NOT giving an eleven year old her own apartment.”

“What about the den? Downstairs. It WAS a guest room at one point in time. That’s where you stayed. After Dhaka Part Two.”

“I kind of already told Tanner he could use that for his science experiments.” He gives her a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

“We could always put Brookie in with Addie. I’d say the other way around, but Addie will not give up her princess room. For ANYONE. I don’t even want to attempt trying to convince her to. Brookie won’t give a shit. She’s not attached to things like Addie is. She’d sleep out on the hammock every night if we let her.”

“She’d also do anything for Addie. She told me that Peanut’s her best friend. That that’s why she even agreed to tag along to the American Girl thing. Because Addie is her bestie and she asked Brookie to go with her.”

“One upside to having them close together. Friends for life. Unless one of them turns into a total dick head and completely ruins things.”

“I highly doubt either of our girls are going to turn into ‘he who shall not be named’. Things were always toxic when you were growing up. Our kids aren’t in that same kind of environment. We’re making damn sure of it. We aren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but…”

“But we aren’t totally fucking up our children. We’re actually giving them a good home. A healthy one. Which is kind of surprising considering most behaviour is learned and neither of us grew up with the healthiest of parent child relationships.”

“We just went the opposite way. Instead of turning out like what we knew, we made sure we didn’t.”

“A lot of people aren’t that lucky, you know. A lot fall into the same patterns. Repeat the same mistakes.”

“Well we aren’t a lot of people, are we. I think we’ve shown that a time or two.”

“Do you remember what Gaspar said? About how two broken people can’t come together and make a whole?”

Tyler frowns. “I try NOT to remember anything he said.”

“He said that they’d only make things worse. Make EACH OTHER worse. I like to think he was wrong.”

“He was wrong about a lot of things. Not just that. Take it from the source, babe. Don’t take anything he said to heart.”

“He seemed a little too invested in what was going on between us. What was it to him? What did it matter whether we were hooking up or not?”

“He was just worried I’d get distracted. That I’d let my feelings take over and forget everything else.”

“More like he was worried your dick would run the show. Not your head. And that would be dangerous.”

“Something like that.”

Popping two pieces of bread into the toaster, he pushes down the level and then turns his back towards it; facing his wife as he leans back against the counter. He’ll never tell her the whole truth; Gaspar attempting to convince him that she was simply using him as a way out of Dhaka. That ‘putting out’, showering a profoundly damaged and lonely man with affection and want, and promising an attempt at a future would guarantee her his full attention ; that he’d stop at nothing to make sure she survived the ordeal. Even before Gaspar had shown all his cards and brought up the ten million dollar deal, Tyler hadn’t believed a word of what he was saying. He hadn’t been in that cramped and squalid hotel room. He didn’t hear the deep and intense conversations that lasted well into the wee hours of the morning; the confessions made and the fears talked about and the tears shed. It hadn’t been just sex. A connection had been made and a foundation laid down. Wrong place, wrong time. Perhaps a little too quick by society’s standards. But it had been nothing like Tyler had ever experienced. And he’d felt no need to either explain that to Gaspar, or defend it.

“Did he say anything to you? About me?”

“Other than he thought I was thinking with the wrong head? No. Not a damn thing.”

“Just the offer.”

Tyler nods.

“He didn’t say anything about me? Even leading up to that? Seems weird. That he’d just bring the offer up out of nowhere.”

“What does it matter? It’s almost thirteen years ago. Why are we even talking about it? About HIM? None of that should matter anymore.

“Just some things made me think about it. Shit that he said to me. When he cornered me in the upstairs. I don’t know what brought it up. Sometimes it happens; it hits me out of nowhere. But you’re right…” She sighs heavily and manages a smile. “...it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I know it makes you a little testy. Even now. What he did.”

“He’s dead. That’s what he deserved. Makes no sense to go back and dig him up.”

“It doesn’t,” she agrees, and then thankfully changes the subject. “You know, I really need to get my shit together. We go back home in five days and I have done nothing to prepare for it. I’m usually so far ahead of the game by now. Do you realize how much has to be packed away? Things I need to box up and have shipped because we won’t be able to take everything on the plane?”

“Do you realize you’re not the only adult in the house and there’s someone fully prepared to help out? WE have a lot to do. Not just you. We’ll start today.”

“You have your little shopping trip with Desi today,” she reminds him. “No way are you skipping out on that. He’s been going on and on about it for DAYS. He will legit ugly cry if you bail on him.”

“Then we start when I get back. Doubt I’ll be gone that long. You’ve gone shopping with me. In and out in half an hour.”

“You are in for a rude awakening. Going shopping with Desi is a whole other experience in itself. That man LOVES his fashion and his bling and he doesn’t go home until he’s exhausted every square inch of his favourite stores. Takes him half an hour just to decide what side of the store to start on first.”

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

“He wants to play dress up with you. Use you as his little doll. He sees the potential. He’s going to get you into some three thousand dollar suits and some skinny jeans and…”

“It’ll be a cold day in hell when I wear skinny jeans. What is wrong with the way I dress?”

“Nothing. I don’t care what you wear. You look good in whatever you put on. That being said, I prefer when you’re taking your clothes OFF…”

“I don’t want to be his little plaything. His science experiment. Why can’t I just be who I am? Why do I have to change? As long as you’re not complaining…”

“Like I said, I don’t care what you wear. You always look good. But Desi wants to do this with you. He wants to dress you up and make you look good. Fashionable. He wants to see you in some Huge Boss and some Gucci and some Tom Ford.”

“I’m more comfortable in shit from Target.”

“Just humour him. He’s got amazing fashion sense. It won’t hurt to have a few of Desi’s staples and favourites in your closet. And personally? I’d kill to see you in a pair of skinny jeans. They’d make your ass look incredible. Or even more incredible than it already is. Not to mention you’ve got those crazy, long ass legs.”

“Why don’t you just cut to the chase and say you want me to buy a pair? Because if you want me to…”

“Nope. Has to be your decision. I’m not telling you what to do. But I will say the thought of you in skinny jeans? Totally makes me hot for you. Hotter than you usually make me, And that’s pretty damn hot.”

He stares at her pointedly, then returns to spreading thick layers of Cheese Whiz on two pieces of toast.

“Just saying. They would. Did I not go out and buy TWO sexy outfits for you? To wear on New Year's Eve? Not just one, babe. TWO. And believe me, they are way out of my comfort zone. But it’s what you wanted so I went and found ones I thought you’d find incredibly hot. And just might make you self combust in record time.”

“I’m not supposed to do that until AFTER I get you out of the outfits.”

“You said sexy, so I got sexy. And think about it. Think about how hot you make me on a regular basis. Extremely hot, right? So if I say you in skinny jeans would make me even MORE hot…”

“So if I put them on whenever I want sex, I’ll immediately get it?”

Esme nods. “More than likely.”

“And if I want to add to my mile high club points, I just need to wear them on the plane?”

“If your children aren’t there, yup.”

“Fine.” He sets the plate of toast down in front of her. “I’ll get the damn skinny jeans. But I don’t ever want to hear you say I never do anything nice for you.”

“I never say that to begin with, so…” she tilts her face up towards him, hand on his hip as he leans down to peck her lips.

She never tires of it. The random embraces; wrapping his arms around her from behind while she stands at the stove or the washing machine or while standing in front of the bathroom sink brushing her teeth. Curling an arm around her waist and pulling her tightly into his side during their walks on the beach or always taking her hand while strolling through town. The little unexpected kisses; placed up on her temples or cheeks or the corners of her mouth or dropped onto the top of her head. Even at the dinner table or while sitting on the couch he always finds a way to maintain physical contact; sides of thighs touching or a foot resting against hers, shoulders or elbows lightly pressed together. It had taken years for him to open up to both accepting and giving affection; a childhood wracked with horrendous abuse and no love shown, a first marriage whose novelty had worn off quick and gone cold and stale, years building up walls around his heart to avoid connecting with anyone and therefore preventing the brutal sting of loss.

Out of nowhere it had all come together, and the change in him was like night and day. He didn’t initially stiffen up when embraced and became quick with the touches and the hugs and the kisses. Suddenly comfortable with both verbal and physical expressions of adoration and love. Now she cherishes every single moment of it. Knowing how far he’s come and how hard he’s had to work; so willing to sacrifice personal comfort to be the kind of man he felt she wanted, needed, AND deserved.

“You’re kinda cute, you know that,” she comments, biting into a slice of toast as she watches him; the way the muscles in his arms bulge and twist with even the simple task of scooping ice cream. It never gets old. Seeing the way his body moves and how it feels under her fingertips; hard muscle and smooth skin that boosts a handful of scars of various shapes and sizes.

He casts a grin over his shoulder. “Just kinda?”

“Very cute,” she declares. “And hot. And sexy. And oh so fuckable.”

“All those things rolled into one, huh?”

“You’re quite the catch,” she says, leaning back against him when he stands behind her stool; tilting her head back and smiling up at him as he reaches past her body to set the bowls on the counter. “I lucked out. I knew you had potential. The day I met you in your little shack. I knew a good thing when I saw it.”

“I was half in the bag and feeling pretty damn good from Oxy. Hardly a good thing.”

“Please, you looked so freaking hot. With that shirt tight around your arms and your kick ass haircut and your blue eyes and your nice butt. You know what was REALLY sexy? When your hair would fall across your forehead. That did funny things to my insides.”

“Just back then or…?”

“Still does it to me even now.” She reaches up to push the wayward tresses off her forehead, smiling when he presses a line of kisses down the bridge of her nose. “And I don’t care what you say. You ARE cute. We’re going to forever agree to disagree on this one, But I did, you know. See the potential in you.”

“Let me guess. It was all in my eyes?”

“And your smile. The way you smiled at me was...I don’t know...different. Than the way anyone else ever smiled at me.”

He sidles up beside her, snagging one of the spoons and digging into his ice cream. “Something tells me you’ve had a lot of guys smile at you.”

“Not a lot. A few. But none of them have ever smiled at me the way you do.”

“That’s because they don’t love you. I do.”

“You didn’t love me when you first smiled at me. It was still a different kind of smile.”

“That was a ‘damn she’s cute, I wouldn’t mind banging her’ smile.”

She gives a derisive snort.

“What? You WERE cute. In those little shorts and that tank top and your piercings and your ink. I was impressed. And for the record, I DID want to bang you. Right away. You were fresh meat.”

“Oh my god,” she rolls her eyes and tears a piece of toast off with her teeth.

“You were. I’d never seen you before. You just showed up on my doorstep. Like this little present being delivered just for me. And I hadn’t sex in four months, so….”

“Poor baby. My heart bleeds for you.”

“You were a new face, had a wicked little body on you, a tongue ring. Is it any wonder why I wanted to rail you?”

“That’s all I was to you. Fresh meat. A new piece of ass.”

“At first. But then I got to know you and everything changed. Very quickly, I might add.”

“It was rather quick,” Esme admits. “Do you ever regret it? How quickly it DID happen?”

“What guy in their right mind is going to regret banging you?”

“I don’t mean the sex. I mean everything else. The whole quiet stuff afterwards. The cuddling and…”

“Okay, let’s get one thing straight. You cuddled up to me.”

“Tyler, give it a rest. It’s been twelve and a half years. I’ve known for a long time that you actually enjoy cuddling. And you’re a master at it. You enjoyed it that first night. You hung back a bit, but you gave in pretty quick.”

“I don’t know…” he shrugs, and a slight blush creeps into his cheeks and the tips of ears. “...I was comfortable with you. It felt...nice.”

“Are you blushing? You are! Baby…” she stands on the bottom rung of the stool and presses a kiss to his temple. “...you’re so freaking adorable.”

He frowns, gently using his elbow to push her away. “Stop it.”

“Blushing. With your wife. Who you’ve known for more than a decade. Who is the last person you should get embarrassed in front of.”

“Esme…”

“Why would you be embarrassed? Tae…” she nuzzles his cheek with the tip of her nose, then sits back down on the stool. “...God I love you.”

“I don’t like talking about this stuff. The...I don’t know...emotional stuff. I can talk about sex all day, every day. But THAT? The other stuff that went down between us?”

“That other stuff was amazing and beautiful. And totally not what I expected from you. That’s what made it so great. This big, muscly, tattooed and scarred up mercenary being so cuddly and spilling his guts and crying to me and…”

“Oh fuck…” he groans. “....can we not do this? Talk about this stuff? Please?”

“I’m just saying that the after stuff? That was pretty amazing too. And you don’t need to be embarrassed about it. I mean, you ended up marrying the person you did all that stuff with. You’ve had kids with her. Seven of them. You don’t have to be embarrassed about that stuff. About anything, actually.”

“It’s just not who I am. Even now. I don’t talk about that stuff. I’m not comfortable with it.”

“Even with me?”

“It’s nothing to do with you. I just get..I don’t know...weirded out. I liked it, alright. Being like that with you. It had been a long time since I’d done anything even remotely like that. And it felt good. It felt right. YOU felt right.”

“Strange, huh? Totally wrong place, totally wrong time. But it felt so good.”

“It did,” he agrees, and presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth.. “And I don’t regret a damn thing about it. About you. About us.”

Smiling, she curls an arm around his waist and leans into him; hand repeatedly stroking his lower back as she takes turns delving into her ice cream and enjoying the cheese toast. The silence between them has never been awkward; neither ever feeling the need to fill the minutes with mindless chit chat. It’s companionable and it’s relaxing; the close proximity of their bodies and their familiar smells is its own form of intimacy. It’s the comfortableness that exists between two people that have seen each other at every stage of their lives. The lowest of the lowest and the highest of the highs . Grieving AND celebrating. Bloodied, battered and broken and in near perfect health. Who’ve experienced the miracle of birth and the devastation of loss. Who had seen each other at their very worst right at the start, yet still chose one another. And STILL keep choosing each other. Every day. Regardless of the pain and obstacles thrown in their direction.

*****

“It’s weird that Riley and Sheana left so soon after dinner,” Esme breaks the silence, pushing her empty plate away; using the spoon to swirl now melting ice cream around in the bowl. “I thought they’d stay longer. They usually do.”

“Probably just tired. It’s a long flight. Sometimes we handle it well, other times we feel like complete and utter shit for a couple days.”

“Is it wrong that I’m glad they decided to stay at a hotel this time? I love my sister. And Shaena. Dearly. But I can not handle any more extra people in this house. Not when we’ve got so much to do and Ovi’s wedding is right around the corner. House guests are the last thing I need to be dealing with.”

“I was thinking I’m more glad they chose the hotel because I didn’t want to hear them getting busy. Weird, considering the kind of porn I used to watch. When I was single and having to tend to my own business all the time.”

“Oh please. You probably had all kinds of Sheilas on speed dial. And USED to watch? You STILL watch that stuff.”

“I’ll have you know, that I haven’t watched any that doesn’t involve me and you….or just you...in years. Why do I need to? I’m married to a goddess. Why watch fake shit when I watch the real stuff? It’s got the most beautiful girl in the world in it. The woman I love. What’s hotter than that?”

‘“You have issues, you know that?”

“If my issue is that I love and lust you, then yeah. I guess I do. I DO have issues. And trust me, babe. Those videos? Fucking amazing. Gets the job done. In record time.”

“Oh God,” Esme groans. “I do NOT need to hear this.”

He leans into her, playfully nudging her with his elbow. “Do you want to watch them with me? Tonight? Get you in the mood?”

“You think that’s what it takes for me to get in the mood?”

“No. I know it doesn’t take much for me to get you there. It would just be really hot. Watching them with you. Do something nice for me.”

“I do plenty of nice things for you. Who went from once a year butt stuff to near daily?”

“But you like that though. That’s why you give it up more. Just watch it with me. Just one of them. And then we’ll make another one. On New Year's Eve.”

Sighing heavily, she shakes her head. “Remind me again why I married you?”

“Because I dick you down like no one else ever has. And because of my eyes. And my butt. Probably my voice too.”

“The whole trifecta. Eyes, butt, voice.”

“And because you love me,” he adds, and lightly and teasingly ruffles her hair. “That’s the main reason.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “I DO love you. Despite what’s in my best interests. And you’re right; Shaena and Riley DO get a little...wild.”

“And loud. Very loud.”

“You realize we do too, right? That we can be insanely loud.”

“No. YOU can be insanely loud. You’re the loud one.”

“Yeah, you’re the groaner and the growler and the swearer, I forgot.” She spoons the remains of the ice cream into her mouth. “I still think they left way too early. Totally uncharacteristic of them. Did everything go okay? When you talked to her?”

“Best as can be expected, I guess.”

“You totally lost your shit on her, didn’t you.”

“Did you hear me yelling?” He gathers up the empty bowls and carries them to the sink. “Throwing shit around?”

“You long ago mastered the art of losing your shit WITHOUT doing any of that.” She swivels her seat around; watching as he rinses the dishes and cutlery and then loads them into the dishwasher. “Tyler James…”

Smirking, he dries his palms on the thighs of his shorts. “Esme Michelle…”

“You did, didn’t you? Lost it.”

“I may have been a little harsh. No more than she was.”

“Riley harsh? Never.”

Leaning back against the dishwasher, he crosses his arms over his chest. “I said what I needed to say.”

“Which was?”

“I told her that you ‘fessed up. About the whole fake girls weekend thing. And I said I was pissed. That she didn’t call me. Let me know what was going on. That I had a right to know that my wife was in a crisis.”

“I wasn’t in a crisis. I was…”

“I had a right to know,” he forcibly repeats. “My wife calls her sister and says she wants to kill herself? That is definitely something I should have been told.”

“She only kept it quiet because I asked her to. I made her promise not to tell you. I was worried; I didn’t want you going off the deep end hearing something like that. I didn’t want you spiralling because I was.”

“You think I’m THAT weak? That I couldn’t handle hearing that?”

“I don’t think you’re weak at all. I’ve never thought that. You’re the strongest person I know. In every possible way. But I didn’t want to put something else on you. You were away on job. You needed to stay focused on it. It was your priority.”

“YOU’RE my priority,” he retorts. “ There’s not a job in this world that could EVER be more important. In fact, other than my kids? NOTHING is more important than you. You never should have asked Riley to lie for you. You shouldn’t have put that on her. That wasn’t fair to her.”

“I know,” Esme admits. “But I wasn’t exactly in my right mind, was I. And at that time, keeping it from you seemed like the best thing. For everyone. I didn’t want to add more to your plate. The business was just starting to really take off and things were crazy busy and you had a lot going on. I didn’t want to give you more to deal with. I didn’t want to burden you.”

“You’re my wife. You could never be a burden. If you’d called me, I would have gotten on the next plane home. I would have talked you down and got you off that ledge and I would have come back to Australia. You know I would have.”

“I do know you would have. Which is why I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want all that extra on you. You were busy and…”

“I am never too busy when it comes to my family,” he interjects. “You are the most important thing in my life. Nothing else comes close. And I know you think you need to protect me, but I am more than capable of handling things like this. When I have I not stepped up? When I have not shoved my own shit aside to take care of you? When have I not been there when you needed me?”

“You’ve always stepped up. You’ve always put everything aside for me. I’m not arguing that. I’m not saying you wouldn’t have come home or that you wouldn’t have dropped everything to get back to me. I KNOW you would have. But I wasn’t in my right mind. It was telling me I needed to keep it from you. For all the reasons I’ve told you over and over again. It wasn’t to hurt you, Tyler. I would never, EVER, hurt you.”

“Well it did hurt,” he confesses. “A lot. The fact you turned to her instead of me.”

“She was right next door. You were thousands of miles away,” Esme attempts to reason. “I needed help right there and then.”

“And I would have helped you. If you’d called. But you didn’t. You didn’t even give me the chance.”

“It wasn’t intentional. I was scared and I was panicking and I just acted in the moment. That’s it. I wasn’t thinking rationally. I wasn’t thinking ‘hey, let’s find a way to hurt Tyler’s feelings’. Because I would never do that and you know it.”

“She should have called me. You might not have been in your right mind, but she was. And she should have gotten a hold of me. That’s what I told her.”

“And what did she say?”

“That she did what her sister asked. That that’s where her loyalty lies. With you. And I told her that you being my wife and the mother of my kids totally trumps the relationship she has with you. What if you’d never gotten a hold of her? What if that pushed you right over the edge and you had done something?”

“I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I was freaking out and my brain was all messed up. I wasn’t thinking rationally.”

“One of our kids would have found you. And I can’t stop thinking about that. The fact you wouldn’t have been around in the morning and one of them would have went looking for you and they would have found you. Do you know what that would have done to them? Seeing that? That’s your kids. MY kids.”

“What do you want me to say, Tyler? I’ve already said I was sorry. Do you want to say it a million times more? Because I will. Yeah, I should have called. And when I WAS in the right frame of mind again, I realized how badly I fucked up. Because in the end, it was you that I wanted. It was you I wanted taking care of me. Not Riley. Not some stupid psychiatric hospital. YOU.”

“I can’t pretend that it didn’t bother me. That it didn’t hurt. The fact you didn’t trust me with it. With you.”

“You have that right. To be hurt. And I’m sorry. Because that is NOT what I meant to do. I would never pick anyone over you. EVER. And I’m sorry I did. If I could go back, I’d do everything differently. But I can’t. And I know you’re hurt and you’re pissed and you probably hate me right now…”

“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I love you. Which is I wanted to be the one to take care of you. Because I DO love you. We’re supposed to be a team, Esme. We’re supposed to be in this together. And sometimes….I don’t know...sometimes I don’t think you’re as invested in that part of things as I am.”

“That’s not fair. I have given everything to you. Right from the beginning. I was willing to give up my life for you. On that bridge. I gave up my family. Any friends I had. I moved to a country on the other side of the world. I started a whole new existence. For you.”

“I didn’t hold a gun to your head,” he reminds her. “ You made the decisions you did on your own.”

“Because I was in love with you. Because I wanted to be with you. But I still gave everything up. And I feel like I keep giving and giving and giving. And I’m scared one day there’s going to be nothing left to give. Then what? I won’t be of any use to you. Or our kids. “

“So somehow it’s my fault? That you keep giving and giving? Like you’re the only one that’s being doing that? I gave up things too. Most of them I needed to. The booze, the Oxy, the living in some crappy little shack in the outback. Those needed to go. But I also gave up everything I knew for you. I walked away from the job. TWICE. And I know I got sucked back in…”

“It wasn’t your fault. You had no control over that.”

“...but I started that business for you. Because you didn’t want me going out there anymore. You didn’t want me getting my hands dirty. Putting myself in the fire.”

“Do you blame me? Tyler, you have a wife. You have SEVEN kids! Why would you risk yourself when you have so much to lose? Especially when you’re not a hundred percent. You know damn well you’re not where you were thirteen years ago. You’ve admitted that yourself. Why would you go out there under those circumstances? Leave your family? People who love you? Why would you…?”

“Because I’m a selfish bastard, Esme. Just like everyone says I am. Have you ever thought maybe they’re right? That I really AM that person?”

“You’re not. You’re selfless, if anything. You’re not who they say you are. You never have been. Where is this coming from? I thought we were talking about Riley? How did it turn into being about us? Into a fight? How…?”

“I’m not trying to fight with you. I’m not.”

She valiantly holds back a flood of tears. “It sure as hell feels like you are.”

He finally approaches her. Crossing the room in two long strides and gathering her in his embrace; one hand resting on the small of her back and the other buried in her hair. “I’m sorry.” Gentle pressure draws her head into his chest; fingertips softly massaging her scalp. “I didn’t mean to take shit out on you. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. But I was angry. I still am. More at her than you. You weren’t thinking right. She was. She knew better.”

Wrapping her arms around his waist, she turns her teary face up towards him. “She was just doing what I asked. And at the time it seemed like the right thing. I’d give anything to go back and do things differently.”

“Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry.”

“I know I hurt you. I never meant to. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“So am I. For making you cry. I fucking HATE when you cry.”

“I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Crying. I think it’s my hormones. Oh God..." she chews anxiously on her bottom lip. "...maybe I’m starting menopause.”

“Or maybe you’re just married to a humongous asshole.”

“No, that’s not it. You’re not THAT big of an asshole.”

He stares down at her pointedly.

“You are a bit of one. You know you are. So don’t look at me like that.”

“Yet here you are,” he uses the front of his muscle to clear the tears off her cheeks and wipe her runny nose. “Twelve and a half years later. Putting up with it.”

“The sex is good. Really good. Really, really, REALLY good.”

“I knew it. Just using me for my body. And my dick.”

“That’s it,” she sniffles. “That’s all it’s ever been about. Your body and your penis.”

“You know, I’m just enough in love with you to accept that. And put up with it.”

“I love you. More than you could ever know. I love you more and more every day. Please tell me you never doubt that.”

“I don’t,” he assures her, then gently cradles her face in his palms and presses a tender kiss to her lips. “And I never will.”

[comradelup]

@daughterofsarenrae said: Blupjeans + stolen century hurt/comfort!!

this was supposed to be a drabble. it is now 4k words. i went insane on this fine sunday afternoon/evening/night. blupjeans make you lose control.

ao3 link

Twenty seconds ago, Lup hobbled into the medbay, using Taako as a crutch and covered in soot and burns. Barry, who was just trying to find where he left his old body’s skeleton from a previous experiment, was tasked with patching her up while Taako helped Magnus clean up the mess outside.

He helped her onto the examination table to take the weight off her leg, which has some severe burns on it. Both arms are burned too, getting worse closer to her hands. He guesses she did some wandless evocation— or as she likes to call it: “fireball juggling” that went wrong. Too bad she chose to wear shorts and go without her jacket. Her hair is dirty and the tail ends are charred, and her face has soot on it, but it doesn’t look too bad. She doesn’t look too bad, and he’d tell her that if he had a single smooth bone in his body.

“Whoops,” she says with a shrug as Barry grabs the necessary materials needed to clean her up. Stuff to clean off the ashes and dirt, burn cream (that the ship keeps an ample amount of specifically for Lup Disasters™), and gauze to put over the cream. Merle’s out on some excursion with Lucretia and Davenport, so it’ll be at least a few days before he comes back to heal her magically. Honestly, Lucretia and Davenport’s absence explains the accident, they’re the most responsible ones.

“W-what happened?” Barry asks, wetting a washcloth and starting to scrub her upper arm.

“Accidental explosion, happens to the best of us.”

“W-with you around maybe,” Barry says, causing Lup to scoff indignantly.

“Rude!” she declares, “I am the best evocationist ever. It’s not my fault the dirt on this stink planet is explosive.”

Barry chuckles as he finishes wiping down her upper arm. Making his touch lighter he moves on to her forearm, and he doesn’t notice he’s gone quiet as he focuses.

“Aw, you’re so considerate,” Lup teases. Barry grins sheepishly and shrugs.

“I don’t w-w-wanna hurt you, is all.”

Lup makes a small sound that sounds between an exhale and a chuckle. “Thanks, babe.” Her voice suddenly sounds a lot more sincere.

He looks up and she’s smiling down at him. He nearly loses his breath, and manages to say, “No problem.”

He goes back to his work to avoid combusting completely. Lup says, “It’s funny, actually, how all this happened. When the explosion happened my wand just disappeared. It was behind my ear and went who-knows-where. I told Taako to get it for me but I don’t know how long it’ll take him.”

“I can help him after we’re done, if he wants help.”

“Don’t stress it babe, Mags is helping him. You can go back to your bones or whatever.”

Barry chuckles, finally cleaning up the arm. He moves to the next one and Lup stretches the clean one out, almost instantly wincing. She brings it back to her side and says, “Nope, stretching severely burned skin is a bad idea. The more you know.”

Barry chuckles again. “Just try to stay still until I get the cream on. It’ll help with dry skin too.”

“Me, sitting still? Have you met me, Barold?” she says, making him laugh a little. Nonetheless, after shuffling a little to get comfortable, she sits still. Her unburned leg bounces against the rung of the table, though.

A small lapse of silence fills the air between them, and Barry can’t quite tell if it’s awkward or comfortable or something else. He focuses on her arm either way, carefully wiping soot off the tips of her fingers before washing out the cloth in the sink.

He brings it back and starts wiping the side of her face clean. She was watching his hands before, but now she’s watching his face. His hand stills as they make eye contact. The silence is definitely something else now, but he can’t tell what it is. After a moment of silent staring, he brakes contact and goes back to cleaning, now feeling more than a little awkward. He’s intently focusing on Lup temple, so he can’t see her expression, but out of the corner of his eye, she looks a little… disappointed?

“What do you need your old skeleton for?” she asks suddenly. It takes him by surprise.

“Oh, uh, I was going to do some tests and needed b-b… I needed b-bones that weren’t, you know, still in a body. I thought I left some in here.” He adds, “You guys think it’s weird that I keep my old bodies, but it keeps me from experimenting on myself.”

Lup laughs a little. “I don’t think it’s weird.”

Barry backs away from her now-clean face. She was looking away from him, at the far wall, but looks back once there’s more distance between them. He asks, “Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, it is weird, but it makes sense, especially once you put it like that.”

He smiles before moving to her legs. Her right one is burned worse than her left, so he starts with the left. He pulls a wheely chair over to sit in and she props her foot on his thigh. Starting at the ankle, he says, “It’s not w-weird the more you think about it. It’s just recycling.”

Lup laughs at that, covering her mouth with her hand. Barry laughs along as he cleans. Lup says, “Can’t argue with that logic!”

“Tell that to Taako. He called me a… w-wh-what was it… a ‘total v-vulture’ when I tried explaining it to him.”

Lup laughs again, a little more calmed down. “Don’t worry babe, I’ll beat him up if he bullies you any more.”

Barry smiles, half to himself. “Thanks.” He finishes working on her calf and moves up to her knee.

Lup says, “Y’know, if you give me another rag I can help you with that.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I got it,” Barry says, shaking his head a little.

Lup shrugs, “If you insist.” She leans back, arms propper her up before she winces and remembers the burns.

“W-wait. Here,” Barry says, stopping and putting down his cloth. Lup moves her foot off him and he stands, grabbing the burn cream off the table next to her. Opening it and squeezing a little bit into his hand he says, “I’ll reapply and b-b-b… wrap it later, but this should help in the meantime.”

He rubs the stuff between his palms and when she offers a hand he takes it. He rubs both his hands around hers to spread the stuff over her burns. He’s careful not to hurt her and he stares hard at her hand to avoid making eye contact. He can tell his face is red enough.

Once it’s all rubbed in he just simply holds her hand in one of his and asks, “Okay, how’s that?”

He dares to look up at her and she’s looking at him silently, mouth ajar and what looks like a blush on her face. That could be his imagination though. She looks away and says, “Yeah! Yeah, it’s fine. Great, actually. Feels a lot better.”

“Oh, good. I’ll do the, uh, the other one, then.” Lup just nods, and Barry repeats the process with her other hand. It’s almost like a lotion, it moisturizes the skin as well as healing it. Barry’s hands come away soft as a baby’s skin. He thinks about that more than the softness of her hand despite the injury.

They fall into silence again as Barry sits back down and moves on to cleaning her other leg. Barry tries not to think about both him and Lup blushing as he held her hand, because if he thinks about it he’ll think too much about it and that’ll get him nowhere. Gods know he’s done that too many times already, especially when Lup is concerned.

Any chance of avoiding awkward talk is thrown out the window when Lup winces and buckles forward, gritting her teeth as Barry accidentally presses too hard into her burned thigh. He moves his hands away from her leg as if she stung him, instantly blurting out apologies.

“I’m sorry, I w-w-wasn’t thinking. That was v-very stupid of me. Sorry.”

Lup holds up a hand. “No. Don’t. It’s fine. I wasn’t paying attention either.” She sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly, relaxing her muscles as she does so. She leans back and smiles sheepishly. “That just stung a lot.”

“Sorry,” Barry says again.

“Don’t be,” Lup insists, “You obviously didn’t do it on purpose.”

Barry nods. She offers her leg again, and he lets her prop her foot on his leg as he goes back to work, now acutely aware of her pressure sensitivity. He spares a glance at her and she’s fiddling with her hands in her lap. They’re slowly and softly trailing over each other; she interlaces her fingers, holding her own hand.

It’s been a while now and Barry is realizing the mood has changed from the time when she got here. A lot quieter, softer, a little more intimate. Or maybe the injury made Lup too tired to be as talkative as she usually is. Maybe the something hanging in the air between them, so heavy he can almost physically feel it, is all in Barry’s imagination.

“I wonder what’s taking the boys so long,” Lup says, “Kinda worried about my wand.”

“I guess how fast they’ll find it depends on how big the explosion is,” Barry says, “B-b-but we always have backups if they can’t find it.”

Lup makes an agreeing sound. “But I like my wand, it’s a good one.”

“I get that,” Barry says.

“Says the one who made a wand out of his ulna.”

“Says the one who set fire to gunpowder dirt.”

“Says the one who wore a jeans tank top. A jank jop.”

“Says the one who told me to w-wear it.”

“Says the two flirting by insulting each other.”

Barry and Lup’s heads turn in sync to Taako, who’s sauntering in with two small bits of something in his hand. Lup, defensive, says, “We weren’t—!”

“Yes you were, shut up,” Taako says. Barry says nothing and tries to keep his face from turning red at the assumption. Taako reaches Lup and hands her the sticks. “Here.”

She takes them and, yep, they’re the two halves of Lup’s broken wand. She frowns and pouts a little and says, “Aww, my good wand.”

“Don’t mess around with the stinky dirt, goofus,” Taako says, “How’re the burns?”

“They’re getting better,” Lup says, putting the wand pieces down next to her. “Once we get all the junk off me and the burn cream on me I’ll be fine.”

Taako hums. “We’ll get you a new wand after that’s done. Then you can help us look for Magnus’ granddad’s knife. He’ll cry if we can’t find it.”

Lup nods and Taako turns to Barry. “Speed up on the ‘fixing my twin’ thing,” he says, poking Barry in the nose before turning and leaving.

“But I don’t want a new wand,” Lup grumbles, crossing her arms. It’s dramatic and mostly for goofs, but he can tell she’s actually a little upset.

“You know… I’m p-pretty sure I still have my other ulna.”

Lup makes eye contact with him, a beat passes, and they both dissolve into laughter.

“You’re so weird, Bluejeans,” Lup says, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms. “I dig it.”

Barry chuckles a little more as he calms down. “Thanks… I guess?”

Luckily, all the soot is finally off of Lup. He stands, takes out the burn cream again, and says, “Give me your arm.”

She sticks it out and he squeezes it from the bottle directly onto her forearm. He starts working it over her whole arm and she sighs in relief. “That feels so good. I was feeling like I got sunburnt all over.”

Barry’s nervous again, remembering the atmosphere from the last time he did this. He says, “You kinda w-w-were.”

Lup chuckles at that and says, “Yeah, I guess so.”

The burn isn’t too bad beyond her elbow, but he spreads the extra cream up there just in case. He wipes his hands on his jeans and grabs the gauze next. He starts wrapping her palm and she suddenly winces, hand tensing. Barry freezes, mortified that he hurt her. “Oh, sorry. W-was that too tight?”

She nods, grimacing. “A little.”

He unwraps and rewraps it, careful to be a little looser. His face burns with embarrassment. This is the second time he’s hurt her, oh he sucks at this. He continues wrapping the gauze around her hand in a repetitive motion, willing himself to focus on doing it right.

Something must’ve shown on his face, because Lup places her free hand over his, stilling it. “Hey.” He looks up and meets her eyes and she’s smiling sympathetically. “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. I’m tough, y’know?” Her smile turns teasing and she says, “You couldn’t hurt me if you wanted to.”

That’s not true, because he didn’t want to hurt her and he still did, but he smiles a little regardless. She’s trying to cheer him up and he appreciates it. They hang suspended in that moment for a beat, just smiling at each other. That’s the second time this has happened too. He goes back to wrapping her hand and says, “I think even if I did hurt you Taako w-w-would hurt me just as bad.”

Lup chuckles, though it sounds a little empty. Weird. “Yeah, he’s real weird about that sometimes. Like, I can take care of myself, dingus! No need to go into ‘protective twin’ mode.”

Barry hums, nodding. He finishes wrapping the gauze and tucks the end of it into the folds so it’ll stay closed. He takes his hands off hers and she holds it out. The fingers are free but the palm is covered. It also reaches halfway up her forearm, where the burns were the worst. She wiggles her fingers a bit and turns her hand around to inspect both the front and back of the wrapping.

“Sweet, now I got a bitchin’ cast.”

Barry laughs a little. “If you w-want to think of it that way.”

“I do,” Lup says, smiling proudly. She sticks her other hand out and says, “Let’s do part two.”

Barry nods, getting the burn cream and starting to lather it onto her other arm. Lup says, “Do you think I’ll need to mummify my leg?”

Barry shakes his head. “It’s not as b-bad as your hands. Just put the cream on and reapply every so often until it’s healed. The gauze is really just to keep the stuff from rubbing off of your hands as you touch stuff.”

“Cool,” Lup says, “Though it’d be a nice early Halloween costume.”

“Yeah, if this planet does Halloween.”

“Fair. Hey, remember that cycle where Halloween was a monthly thing?”

“Oh yeah. April Halloween was w-weird to experience.”

“But really fun. I think me and Taako did the matching costume that month.”

“Right. You w-were Mario and Luigi right?”

“Yeah.” Lup laughs. “I was a great plumber.”

“I remember that. You made Magnus be P-peach.”

“No, he wanted to be Peach. He rocked that dress.”

Barry nods in agreement. Her other hand is just about done. It’s quicker work after doing it once before. He tucks the end of the gauze away and starts to put the roll back in its little box. He stands and pushes the stool out of the way. “There, you’re done.”

“Nice,” Lup says, holding out her hands and admiring them. Her casual smile turns reminiscent. “Y’know, whenever Taako or I got hurt on the road we always used to patch each other up and I always insisted we had to kiss it better. We had an aunt that told us it was healing magic when we were real little and it stuck with me.”

The image of Barry kissing Lup’s hand enters his mind and stubbornly refuses to leave. He stutters out an “Oh, really?”

Lup nods. “Yeah.” She smirks mischievously and holds out her hand like a queen to her subject. “Try it.”

Oh! She’s trying to kill him. That’s fine. This is fine. His face is probably as red as his robe and judging by Lup’s grin she thinks this is hilarious. Whatever. Fuck it. Let’s go all in. He gently takes both of her hands, holds them together, and presses a kiss to the junction between them.

When he lifts his head he stares at her hands in his, unable to make eye contact. Why the fuck did he just do that? Is he insane? She’s gonna think he’s insane, or laugh it off. He doesn’t know which is worse.

Biting the proverbial bullet, he lifts his head and looks at her. She’s staring at him again like before, eyes filled with determination and another unreadable emotion. She lifts her hands out of his grasp. Of course. This was weird and she thinks he’s weird and he should just leave before—

She’s kissing him. On the lips this time. Her hands moved to either side of his face and pulled him in, his hands falling to her knees on instinct. Oh. Wow. He kisses back, eyes falling closed. After too short a time, Lup breaks the kiss and leans back, staring at him with that determined something in her eyes still.

Then it melts away and she’s avoiding his gaze. “Um.”

“Um,” Barry parrots. He doesn’t know what to say either. His hands are still on her knees. Her hands are held near her chest, fingers curled into loose, nervous fists.

She looks to him again and opens her mouth to say something, but a loud voice interrupts her.

“Hey guys! Look what I found!” Magnus says as he enters, proudly brandishing his knife. On instinct, Barry backs up. Magnus notices his and Lup’s expressions and, with confusion, asks, “Am I interrupting something?”

“Uh, you found your knife? Where was it?” Lup says rather than answer the question. Barry sees a bit of darkness to her cheeks but says nothing. He’s probably blushing so hard he looks like a stop sign.

“Stuck in a tree,” Magnus says, laughing a little. “And not like in the branches or anything. It looked like someone threw it into a tree.”

Lup forces a small laugh of her own. “That’s wild, dude.”

“Isn’t it!? But uh, I just wanted to tell you guys so you didn’t worry. Bye!” And he’s gone as quickly as he left.

With the atmosphere thoroughly shattered, Barry and Lup look at each other awkwardly. “Um,” they say in unison, then laugh a little at that.

“Uh, here,” Barry says, grabbing the bottle of burn cream and handing it to her. “For your leg. And your, uh, your fingers.”

“Thanks,” Lup says. When she takes it their fingers brush and they both pretend to not notice it. She slips down from the table and starts making for the door, but walking slowly and backward. “I’ll uh, give this back when I’m done.”

“Mm-hm. You should reapply in uh, a few hours,” Barry says.

“Okay. Cool.” Lup nods. Then she… waves? And Barry waves back? “Bye,” Lup says, then bumps into the wall by the door, smiles sheepishly, and disappears down the hall. The door automatically slides shut behind her.

Barry sighs heavily, leaning against the table. What the fuck was that? He just kissed her. He kissed Lup. The woman he’s been practically in love with for decades now. And they just ignored it. Or they’re avoiding it? Which should he be hoping for? Should he go after her and talk about it? Would that be weird? Or would pretending it didn’t happen be weirder?

Fuck. He needs to get himself together. He looks down and realizes he’s been throttling this washcloth like it owes him money. Okay. Okay. Step one: clean the medbay. Step two: go to your room and scream into a pillow until you know you’ll be able to look Lup in the eye. Her warm, brown, soft eyes that look right into Barry’s soul and—

Focus!

He cleans the medbay, putting away the materials and wiping down the exam table, just in case. Also to get his nerves out. He almost trips over the rolling chair twice so it doesn’t help much. But he notices something: Lup’s old wand, still in two pieces and still on the table. She’ll want that back.

Fuck, he’s gonna beat himself up if he doesn’t do this, huh?

Telling himself it’s just to give her property back and for no other reason, Barry makes his way down to the hall of sleeping quarters to where Lup’s room is.

He knocks on the door and it slides open, but Barry is instead face to face with Taako. He looks as surprised to see Barry as Barry is seeing Taako. But Taako’s face morphs into a grin and he says, “Hey, Barold. What’s up?”

“Lup forgot her w-w… her wand,” Barry manages, holding out the halves for Taako to take.

Taako does that thing where he pretends to think on a matter even though he’s made up his mind. He taps a finger to his chin and hums. Then he points that finger at Barry and says, “Why don’t you give it to her.” He winks, he fucking winks, then moves past him and into his own room.

Barry turns back to looking through Lup’s doorway at Lup herself. She looks like she’s been pacing. She does that when she’s nervous. Is she as stressed over this as Barry?

“Um, here’s your w-wand,” he says, holding it out to her. He’s still standing in the doorway. She crosses the room to take it from him, but she seems more focused on him. Their hands brushing is an afterthought.

“Thanks,” she says. While still keeping that eye contact, Lup places her broken wand on the dresser by the door. The third time they keep staring at each other. This time, he doesn’t break it.

“Barry?” she asks.

“Yes?”

“I, uh,” She breaks eye contact this time, nervously looking down before meeting his gaze again. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask permission before I kissed you.”

That takes him by surprise. “W-w-what?”

“I’m sorry, I kissed you without knowing if you would be cool with it. I mean, you kissed back so that probably means you were? But still, I’m not too sure and either way I shouldn’t have assumed anything that was rude of me and I—”

“Lup?”

She freezes. “Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“…Yes.”

So he does. He steps forward, officially crossing the threshold of her room and meeting her lips with his. Her hands find his face again and— right, she still has bandages on. His own hands fall to her hips. Her shirt is a little rumpled and riding up so he touches bare skin and it’s soft. So is the kiss, it’s soft and warm and perfect, just like Lup. This kiss is longer, less impulsive, more gravitational. They came crashing into each other and Barry’s heart exploded into a million tiny pieces.

But it ends, sadly, and Lup backs up just enough to look him in the eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for such a long time.”

“Me too.”

“I never imagined having mummy hands when we did it though,” Lup says, giggling. Barry does too.

“I really don’t mind.”

“I do. I can barely feel your dumb, cute face.” She prods his cheeks with just the tips of her fingers for emphasis.

Barry moves a hand to cup her cheek. “Your face is cute too.”

She leans into the touch, her hand over his own. “Thanks.”

“Kinda wanna kiss it again, if I’m being honest.” Gods, it feels so good to be honest about this now.

“I wouldn’t mind that at all,” she says, moving steadily closer.

Barry moves closer too. Gravitational. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They meet in the middle for another kiss. Barry feels like a shooting star and a firework and a blooming flower, but more importantly: he feels Lup. Her fingers on his face, her hips under his hands, her lips on his, her breath mixed with his.

It’s nothing short of heaven.

[thedevildomdaily]

A Tie That Binds

Chapter 2: Absolutely Not!

NOTES:| Warnings: Swearing.| Reminder: Lilly is the human exchange student in my head canon scenario.I recommend reading my pinned intro that explains more and the bios of my MCs | There are spoilers referenced throughout this story, but I am currently at Lesson 30| Message me if you have any questions!| This is my first fanfic| Thank you my trusted Beta-Reader @wolfiesworld <3 you’re a life-saver!| CH 1

“WHAT!?”, said a collection of voices, echoing through the long corridors of RAD! It was followed by a loud banter and outrage amongst everyone in attendance at this council meeting.

“Whaddya mean ‘holy vows’?!”, Mammon was the first to ask.

“V-V-VOWS!?”, Leviathan sputtered with a face lit up with crimson, “As in...M-M-MARRIAGE!? No! Game over, I quit! There’s only Ruri-chan…”,

Asmodeus chimed in, “It wouldn’t be fair to all of my fans if I were to settle down with just one person!”, He ran a hand through his hair and crossed his arms, Satan merely shook his head at his brother’s “justifications” though he too thought it was preposterous. Satan, being the intellect he was, remained silent while his brothers went on, there was only so much their eldest brother could take before going off and he was NOT going to be on the receiving end of it.

Belphegor was shaking with anger, visibly gritting his teeth! Beelzebub, always by his twin’s side, shared anger in this proposal, Lilly surmised that they put a level of blame into what happened to their beloved sister on the nephilim. Still it wasn’t their direct fault, she’d have to talk with Belphie later about it. He tended to open up to her quite a bit, Beelzebub too.

“Enough!”, Lucifer finally shouted! Putting his brothers back in their places! Whether he agreed with this idea his former brother and Lord Diavolo concocted or not, his expression wouldn’t say, he also wouldn’t allow his younger siblings to overstep their boundaries with the prince. “Lord Diavolo, please elaborate...” His gaze went across the room towards the nephilim, gaging their reactions.

Lilly hadn’t paid attention to the nephilims’ reactions on the account of a very loud Mammon and Leviathan, however she observed a spike in Zaksalamel’s anger. He'd even stepped in front of his sister, as if to shield her. Azriel once again gripped his brother’s shoulder, but he remained calm, pushing past her brother. Lena only looked at Diavolo, insisting he continued, She didn’t seem phased at all by this odd solution.

“I would not be able to send just anyone to the human realm to aid you;” Diavolo continued while looking at the female nephilim, “I trust Lucifer and his brothers being strong enough and capable of handling the situation. Their presence, however, could not only pose a threat to the Celestial Realm, but to the humans as well. Your father may be in charge of the Helsing Corps., but he answers to a council that refuses any communications with me.”, He furrowed his brows in frustration.

It was Simeon that continued explaining, “I believe you being half human, can make a pact with demons, is that correct?”, The triplets looked at each other, then nodded. “Well having a pact with the brothers would insure your human council that they can’t pose a threat. Your world, as you say, is already littered with unwelcome guests, having the Avatars of Sin suddenly appear would only scare them more!”, A valid point, Lilly thought, being ONE of those scared humans.

“And the ‘Holy Vow’?”, Azriel urged him to continue.

“Having a pact with the 7 Avatars is not to be taken lightly, especially in the hands of a nephili-”,

“Tell me about it!”, Mammon interrupted! Not believing anyone was considering this. “MAMMON!!!!”, Lucifer glared with black aura seeping from his body in his brother’s direction.

Simeon gave a sheepish laugh and continued, “The vow would specify certain stipulations, normally the traditional human vows would say something like ‘for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part’, followed by a holy authority-”, The room was filled with angry whispered and childish disgust in the citing of vows, “Having the vows rearranged to include ‘under an oath to keep peace between the realms, sworn not to invoke war towards any of the three realms….’, Would become a contract since everyone involved are spiritually powerful beings, and to top it off you, Azrelena, have angelic blood. You would be bound to keep such an oath.”.

“Does it really have to be a marriage? Why not just a contract?”, Lena asked, she hadn’t really reacted before like the demon brothers did, “I mean for one, you’re directing this at me, is it just because i’m a woman?”, Lilly couldn’t help but laugh, she really just called them out on it. Both Diavolo and Simeon gave sheepish expressions and avoided the female nephilim’s gaze.

Suddenly, Barbatos chimed in, “Actually it was I that made the suggestion.”, Lena raised her brows and lowered her defensive take, the triplets were familiar with the demon stewart of the prince, especially Azri, who was the Chief Communications Operations of their HQ. Trusting her brother’s sense of character, she listened to his explanation. “With the status of your current situation, Azriel is needed now more than ever at relaying messages both globally and to each realm involved. Zaksalamel needs to continue the investigation with his expert tracking team, and you, Azrelena, would be best suited for this part, after all, you are the strongest of your kind if rumors are to be believed. It takes a great deal to hold such powerful pacts as we’ve witnessed, and the sealing vows even more. Only you could withstand it, as for the marriage...that was an outdated phrasing, Forgive me. It is a union though and your fates would be bound eternally....” After a quiet moment of reflection Lena finally asked, “This would keep each realm satisfied?”, of course this was less than ideal, putting that level of trust in these...demons...and angels? This motley crew looked less reliable the more she observed them. Still, there were no better suggestions, and the longer they took debating this, the more victims would be harmed. “There have to be stipulations set! I’m not thrilled by this whole ‘bound eternally’ business either…”, she glanced over at the brothers, each had their own level of shock, disdain, and disapproval on their face.

“Well, we would need time to send this proposal, forgive my choice of words, to the other realms...but, I approve of this. Officially, you have The Devildom’s compliance.” Diavolo stated firmly. “Whatever stipulations you have can be worked over in the meantime.”.

“Absolutely not!” Belphegor exclaimed, most were taken aback by this! Beel braced his twin’s shoulder, they had been down this rabbit hole before... Belphie’s outrage had nearly ended in a tragedy in the past, he wouldn’t let it happen again! Besides, they had the best friend in Lilly they could ever ask for! “Beel, let go! They, they caused it! The-”,

“Belphegor, enough!” Lucifer transformed this time, “Lord Diavolo’s words are final! If he says we are to exchange vows and make a pact with this nephilim, we are going to do it! END OF DISCUSSION!”. His fearsome gaze left a shocked Belphegor and Beel, and turned to each of the remaining siblings... They were no longer going to protest, for now.

The display before them left each nephilim speechless... So this was The Mourning Stars power? “I will do it!”, Lena exclaimed! It was completely on impulse, derived from the amazing display of power. Though she and her brothers were on par, the notion of having such powerful allies gave her something she never expected to gain from a demon of all things: Hope!

Her brothers both went to protest, but Lena cut them off, “No! This is my choice!”, She looked to Diavolo with full determination, then to each demon and angel in the room, “I will do this! Your aid means everything! So many lives can be spared; my friends and family on the front lines! If each realm agrees to these terms, I will happily accept this fate.”. The female nephilim then boldly turned and faced Belphegor, “We do not know each other! And frankly, we don’t have to trust or like each other! If your concept of family is anything similar to mine, then surely you can understand the willingness to do anything to protect it!”, Belphegor backed down more but still glared at the nephilim, he would never trust them! Even though he had been wrong about Lilly, there could be no reason to put anything other than suspicion towards something that was half angel and half human!

Lena sighed at the expression she received and returned her attention to the rest of the demons, “Besides, it’s not like these vows are serious outside of the pacts portion, i’m not your little housewife! I don’t expect anything from any of you other than help with the investigation and, the three realms permitting, help disposing of any major threats in the human realm.”.

Collective sighes filled the room, the nephilim had a point, it WAS one of those ‘political marriages’, it shouldn’t really have an effect on their individual lives. “Ugh, fine!”, Mammon finally said, Satan merely shrugged, this was a fine mess he’d gotten into... Struck by her words, Belphegor remained silent and Beelzebub silently looked after his twin, he was thankful this didn’t end in conflict like the last time Belphie disagreed with Diavolo and Lucifer.

“My fans...maybe they won’t find out…?”, Asmo sighed, He received an eye roll from Lucifer, he would have words with each of his younger brothers when they returned home! Such unsightly displays in front of Lord Diavolo and his guests! “There is one more thing I would like to say.”, Diavolo interrupted, the chatter going on. Lilly couldn’t help but give a cheeky grin, of course the demon prince would add something else to stir the pot! He always did and she loved that about him, “I would like Miss Azrelena to stay in The Devildom in the meantime, as you stated before, the portals which allowed the mass amounts of demons to enter couldn’t be traced in the human realm. Perhaps leaving one of you behind to assist with the investigation here would be wise.”, Lucifer narrowed his eyes at Diavolo, he knew very well that the prince was cooking up another scheme he wanted absolutely no part of!

“It will take awhile for all parties involved to deliberate this contract-”, Diavolo continued, “So we might as well use this as a learning opportunity! It’s been a millenia in the making!”, and there it was, Diavolo wanted to rope a nephilim into the student exchange program at RAD. “Since we have very little to no knowledge of nephilims, and there seems to be a lot of misinformation, would you kindly attend the RAD student exchange program? As you can see we have both angels and humans attending and I want to know how RAD compares to Belmont Academy. Barbatos tells me that the three of you were top of the class and you were even a teacher in some areas Miss Azrelena!”.

Zak’s mouth dropped open and he shook his head with a pleading look in his eyes, why would she agree to something like this...? There HAD to be another way! Azri had to cover his brother's mouth and drag him into the hall to keep him from making a further scene, they both knew their sister’s answer, after all, she had been looking for excuses to leave Belmont for years. “I’d love to!-”, she exclaimed! “-and please! Call me Lena!”, she bowed to Diavolo, then to the rest of the occupants.

“Haha, excellent!”, Diavolo couldn’t contain his excitement! “I would like you to stay in The House of Lamentation during your stay, consider it a means of getting to know your colleagues! After all, you’ll…-”, he hesitated for a moment as he felt Lucifer’s disapproving glare behind him, “-...be working this case with them on the side.”.

“You can room with me!”, Lilly suddenly popped in between Lena and Diavolo. “Hi, I’m Lilly! Resident human of the House of Lamentation! Nice to meet you!”, Lena smiled and shook her hand, well at least it won’t be a TOTAL sausage fest where she’d be staying! “Hey...I’ve been wanting to ask you and your brothers since you walked in….have I seen you somewhere before? You look…”, the human looked her up and down, unable to hide her blushing, “very familiar...”,

“Uhm...about that.”, Lena gave a sheepish smile as the human began leading her out into the hallway to join the other nephilim. Barbatos quickly followed suit as he would assist the brothers in returning to the human world.

[writingsorrantings]

Friends Don’t Look at Friends That Way Pt2 (jj x reader)

Word Count: Around 1,300 (sorry!lol)

Warnings: Alcohol mentions, angst

Music Rec: One Way St. - Jhene Aiko (just a good song and is mentioned in the chapter :)

Part One

 Recap: “And with that JJ laid back again and you found yourself in his arms. It wasn’t right, but you could get used to the way it felt even though you wanted more.”

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It had been about a week since that night, but your head was still as clouded. JJ hadn’t called you once which was definitely not your style and it was beginning to worry you. Is he ok? Or maybe I was too forward?

Maybe he just doesn’t want to be around you anymore.

 You shook your head as a half-assed attempt to put a stop to the self-deprecating thoughts and instead focused on the music playing through your headphones as you came home from work, but that proved to be less than helpful. “Going the wrong way down a one way street.” Jhene couldn’t have said it better and frankly you felt like a semi carrying a shit ton of rejection and hurt was barreling towards you, no evidence of it slowing down and ready for a head on collision. Bracing before a crash, emotional or otherwise, had never been your specialty. You already felt like shit and you couldn’t imagine what would happen if he actually talked to you about it. You had never been one for confrontation, but he had left you on read for a week now and you were going nuts trying to figure out what you did. 

Your feet hit the pavement in a slow rhythm, but as you began to think about what he was doing (or not doing) your pace began to pick up. At this point you were angry, how could he be so childish?! You were just trying to talk to him and he didn’t even bother looking at the last message! That really hurt your feelings and you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. Fuck him then. Your shoes hit your colorful doormat as you entered your house prepared to look the hottest you had ever looked for the kegger tonight. Walking into the kitchen you quickly grabbed the bottle of vodka from your parents cabinet knowing that they wouldn’t miss it and marched up your stairs. One thing was for sure, you didn’t need JJ to have fun. Or at least that’s what you told yourself. 

Unfortunately JJ’s thoughts were just as scattered. It was only 2 in the afternoon and he had already begun pregaming for the celebration tonight, but then again it might have just been a happy coincidence. He stared at the texts you had sent him and all he could do is run a hand over his face only pausing to take a gulp of the beer in his hand. 

“wanna surf tom?” --read 8:02am

“????” --read 8:23pm

“you good?” --read 7:48am 

“just talk to me” --read 10:47am

“what did i do” -- delivered fri 4:30 

        read sun 10:23

Fuck. He didn’t want to hurt her so he kept his distance, yet he still managed to make her feel bad. Once again this proved to himself that he was just a walking disaster. He knew by Saturday night that if he didn’t back away now it would just get so much worse. John B. came home the morning after to JJ huddled in the blue sheets of his spare room, eyes rimmed with red and for once it wasn’t from smoking. After hauling him out of bed and forcing him to take a shower, John B. questioned him over breakfast that JJ had tried to refuse multiple times. A text from you lit up his screen, and his face immediately dropped. He was a fucking wreck and anyone who saw him could figure it out. He loved you.  There was no point in denying it now, especially to John B. A boy who spent years trying to convince his best friend that he was a good person who deserved a healthy, happy love. Needless to say, he still wasn’t successful despite his efforts.

“She makes you so happy dude, I mean we can all see it. You are so damn happy. She makes you do things that you would never think of doing and you love it….She...She makes you think before you act because you know that it would destroy her if anything happened to you. For once you actually give a shit about your future and that’s because of her!”

By this point John B. was almost yelling as he had no clue how else to get it through his head that you loved each other. 

Calming down he said, “ I mean really...is this what you want? Because you deserve better than this….She deserves better than this.”

Not a single muscle in his face moved when he stood up from the chair, the screech from the legs rubbing on the ground echoing as the sentence hung in the air. A part of JJ knew John B. was right, but ultimately he would never risk your happiness to make room for his own. 

“Thanks for the breakfast.”

Feet padding against the wooden floor, JJ made his exit right into the room he came from, no regard for what his best friend had said. With a huff John B. decided that this was a battle he’d fight another day and left to go see Sarah. When the door slammed shut, tears fell from JJ’s eyes. It’s ok if he thought he was stupid, at the end of the day JJ was doing what he thought would help you.

Night was approaching and you were ready as ever for tonight’s festivities to begin. Kie had come over and you were screaming the words to various songs as you guys got ready for the night. It didn’t take you long as you both were never huge fans of full glam looks, but could appreciate it on other people. As you checked yourself out in the mirror you couldn’t help but smile. You were all for body positivity, but you were never a super skinny girl and sometimes that made you insecure. But today. Today you loved the way your curves filled out your too short cut offs. Between that, Kie’s halter top, and the layered necklace that fell perfectly in the middle of the deep v neckline, you were irresistible. Kie grabbed your hand and pulled you downstairs as you headed out for the party.

The dull thumps from the speakers began to get louder as you guys approached in the car and before you knew it you were parked and ready to get out, fingers wrapped around the silver handle. This was a mistake. Although it was just a flash of trepidation, Kiara had seen it and asked, “(y/n), you ok?” and frankly you had no clue. Were you ok? I mean no you weren’t and you definitely wouldn’t be tonight, but did you need to worry her. The silence was answer enough for her and she studied your face. 

“We don’t have to go y’know. I’m ok with not going and I can just tell the guys we hungout all night?” 

“No, no it’s ok. It’s just...JJ hasn’t been talking to me lately and I don’t know why, but to be honest I think I do, but I don’t want to think that way.”

Kie stared at you waiting for you to continue with a slight nod to show she was listening. After a moment of hesitation, you turned your body so that your open back was no longer against the leather seat and your knees were pointed at her despite how small the car was. Even though you were facing her, your eyes refused to meet hers as you focused on chipping away at your nail polish while you spoke.

“I..I just...we had a moment last saturday. I mean I thought we did and I think I like him and...and I think he knows and is just avoiding me until he finds the right way to reject me. He just kept leaving me on read and I figured the best revenge was to look great tonight. But honestly, I guess I just wanted to make him realize that I can be more than a friend.”

Kie had had enough. JJ was acting like a dumbass and she wasn’t going to let him hurt her friend. You are the sweetest person that she knows and you deserved a guy who would give you the same effort that you always gave others. She began to smile as she started planning the rest of your night in her head and she was going to make sure you had the time of your life. She reached into the backseat and handed you the bottle you had snagged earlier and after spinning the top off you took your first of many shots that night. 

“You deserve to have a good night. Without JJ. Let’s fucking do this.”

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Part 3

Sorry to leave you guys on another cliffhanger I hate it when writers do it lol! But honestly thank you guys so much for all of the messages that you have sent me and all of the likes that you have left on part one. It was my first ever fanfic so it felt super good to see that you guys enjoyed it. I am going to start working on part 3 right after I post this, but idk if I will stop the story with that part. I’m new to this so let me know if you want to be on a taglist of if you have any requests for any character from any show. I’m not picky! Anyways love you all and I hope you’re staying safe. 

[rogue-durin-16]

THE HEIR'S CURSE (Part II/?)

Request: I have this idea of the reader being a princess and having to marry fili cuz hes the heir and she likes him but she ends up falling for his brother? Maybe with some angst? You can choose the end 😆

Pairing: Fíli x Reader, eventually Kíli x Reader

Genre: angst w/ fluffy moments

Tags:

Requested by: @crispykittywitch

The heir's curse: ———

Permanent taglist: @queenofmankind @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings:

A/N: this is a mess at so many levels but hey I did proofreading this time, so enjoy a not-so-badly written part <3

Part I

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"Princess Y/n and prince Fíli!" A thunderous voice announced as Fíli and I stepped into the enormous halls with all eyes on us.

"Don't stop until we reach the dining table." The golden haired dwarf subtly muttered, strolling through the crowd with my hand holding onto his forearm.

"I wasn't planning on it." I replied, presenting a smile to the dwarven kin of Erebor and occasionally bowing. "Honestly," once in our destination, we spotted Kíli, who joyfully waved at us, and sat down by his side, "I don't see how we'll be able to leave."

"I'll think about something." Right after he assured me that, I felt a tap on my shoulder and, given that Fíli spun his head, I figured his attention was requested too. "Ma'am."

"Mother." We said these words simultaneously.

"My dears, you forgot about the opening dance." Fíli and I shared an equally horrified look. "Given that you are the center of the celebration, the tradition requires you to—"

"We did not forget, ma'am." He spared her a polite smile before continuing, "but I'm in fact a terrible dancer and–"

"A liar, that's what you are." Though the blond one had his back facing his brother, I was sure Kíli could feel the murderous energy he triggered in his brother. "He's a great dancer," his brown eyes traveled from me to my mother and viceversa, his grin growing wider at my horrified look. "he's just shy sometimes," to take the tease to a whole other level, he nudged his brother's back way stronger than necessary. "right Fí?"

Before the older prince attempted to murder his own brother in front of his future mother-in-law, I jolted up and pulled his hand, dragging him to the improvised dancehall.

I spun around to stand face-to-face with him, which made my dress's skirt fly, drawing a beautiful fan around my legs before abruptly coming to a stop. "Tell me you're actually a good dancer." I begged in low voice.

"Well–" Before he could let out another word, the music started playing.

Oh boy, was he a good dancer.

I barely had to move by myself, he did all the work; spinning me, sweeping me off my feet, guiding my feet and leading me by my hands, and I was sure he was making it look finesse and effortless.

At some point the melody changed to something more lighthearted and less regal, and we started to actually have fun while we danced. We laughed, exaggerated the moves, made faces; we even intentionally bumped each other attempting to make the other lose their balance.

The latter resulted on me tripping and Fíli's arms steadying me against his chest with a smug smile that turned into a chuckle when I smacked his chest.

The party began to be enjoyable, and since I didn't know how long would that last, I was resolved to make the best of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FÍLI'S P. O. V.

I finally managed to get rid of the nosy dwarves that had been interrogating me for the last ten minutes and made my way to my intended, who I found sat across the hall, by the table which was basically deserted aside from a couple of blackout drunk dwarves.

Seeing them made me realize how long the party had gone on already —probably around half a day, maybe more.

"I'm so sorry." I halfheartedly apologized to a very tired-looking Y/n, who vaguely dismissed me with a shake of her head. "I really hoped I would have you out of here by now."

"It's alright." She gave me a small smile whilst getting up and grasped both my hands, taking a look around us. "Plus, it was expected that your uncle and my mother would have us stay for as long as possible."

"At least they could let us be together." I grumbled, looking over my shoulders to make sure no one attempted to disturb our brief break. "Since the dance I barely spent three minutes with you."

"Royal duties suck." She whispered under her breath, only loud enough for my ears to caught on it. "Do you think it's their way to stop us from fleeing the celebration?"

"Could be." Both of our eyes were directed to our previously mentioned relatives and arrangers of the union, who were now chatting. "It's a good strategy."

"I hate that it's actually working." letting go of one of her hands to stroke my mustache whilst trying to find a way to escape the party. "Where did your mind go now?" Just when I was about to reply, her eyes fixed on something behind me, or rather someone. "Oh shit."

I peeked over my shoulder to see Balin approaching us side by side with one of Y/n's direct relatives. "C'mon now..."

"I think the break is over." Her eyes didn't leave the now expected intruders, nor did mine.

"Y/n!" She put up her best smile once more and let go of my hand to walk towards them. "let me introduce you to my cousin Balin."

"I didn't have the chance to congratulate you, lass." I heard the old dwarf's words getting lost in the loud noise of the crowded halls as I walked away in search of Kíli.

KÍLI'S P. O. V.

I made a beeline to Y/n practically jogging and, in the blink of an eye, I had her hand in mine and was pulling her away from the people and out of the halls. I heard her little squeal of surprise followed by Balin yelling my name, but I didn't stop until we were far enough from the entrance to avoid the guests' eyes.

"Did you just steal me away?" She rhetorically inquired, looking at me quite puzzled as I checked no one came after us. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that?"

"Fíli begged me to drag you out of the party."

"You took it to the T." She teased with her arms folded over her chest.

"It worked, didn't it?" She silently agreed and I beamed proudly. "I'm your hero, huh?"

Y/n snorted. "Am I not the one supposed to say that?"

"I did it so you didn't have to." I extended my arm in a way that was prompting Y/n to walk into another corridor. "I'm going to escort you to your chambers, to make sure you don't fall asleep on your way there."

She gave me an eye roll followed by a breathy laugh, and we began our late night trip to her room. I hadn't told her we were taking the long way, but I figured she would catch on that by herself since Fíli had given her a tour a day before.

We were halfway through, walking in silence after some chitchat and bickering, when I detected a restrained yawn through my side view. "In a scale of one to ten, how tired are you?" I questioned.

"A ten and a half maybe?" She half smiled and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Dwarven celebrations exhaust me."

"They exhaust anyone who's not drinking." I pointed out, having my eyes wander around, stopping on anything and everything in our walk, but on her . "Fíli is not a fan either, but he knows this one was necessary."

"Is it, though?" She inquired with her brows raised and her face slightly turned to stare at me.

"Well, I suppose it is. it's your welcoming to Erebor," I obliged myself to look at her, just for an instant, and then averting my gaze once more as I said my next words. "And it's also meant to celebrate that my brother would soon join you in marriage."

"Ugh, please," she leaned her head back, spitting a mix of a groan and a whine up to the air "do not remind me of that."

"Why?" I stopped dead in my tracks, and caused her to do so, too. "Are you displeased with my brother?"

"No!" her eyes widened as she vehemently shook her head no. "Not at all, he's caring, good at heart and fun to be around," she walked to the outer side of the terrace we had been walking through and rested her elbows on the edge. "but things feel rushed and... Rather forced."

"If it's because of the party," I followed her steps and installed myself besides her, "It doesn't mean much, feel no pressure." Now the tables had turned; my eyes observed her form and hers were focused on what was before us. "If you ever wish to break the arrangement, it will be done, Fíli would say so too."

Her lips pursed into a thin line "I always thought that when I married, it would be for love and not for my Kingdom." I then looked down wondering what should I say to her. "I may sound selfish but... That should be my sister's duty. She's the heiress, for better or worse, and I'm just—"

My mouth moved before I could think my words. "A younger sister who wasn't supposed to carry the weight of a union?"

Silence.

"At least he's handsome." we both shared a look before snorting at the comment. "I think I like him, but I don't love him, and I can't tell if I ever will." She opened her mouth like a fish out of water "Mahal, can you imagine how that'd be?"

I heard the fear in her last sentences, even if she hadn't explicitly stated that she dreaded the mere idea of not being able to love her husband-to-be.

"You'll come to love him." I tried to reassure her.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"I hope you're right." Another yawn escaped her lips, making her eyes squint. "I'm really tired, so I will leave you now."

"Do you know how to reach your chambers?" She nodded and so did I, in response. "Sleep well, my lady."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright, my princess." she glared at me and a mischievous grin twitched the corners of my lips, my brows wiggling at her in a taunting manner.

"That didn't sound as smooth as you think." My gesture eased her gaze and triggered a small smile out of amusement. "You're so cheeky."

"That's what ladies love about me." A wink directed at Y/n accompanied my sentence, though my eyes soon drifted away from hers to lose in the vastness of the landscape once more.

What a pity that it wasn't as mesmerizing as the princess besides me.

"Thank you for the walk, Kíli." she got a grip on my forearm and planted a slow, careful, chaste kiss on my cheek.

Despite being merely a platonic gesture, I felt my heart speeding up.

My first instinct was to spin my head and try to capture her lips. Due to my quicktemper, I almost couldn't stop myself, but I succeeded just when our lips were mere inches apart.

Her grip tightened and her eyes went from my eyes, to my lips, and back.

"Goodnight, Kíli." she murmured under her breath, slowly loosening the grip and letting her hand fall down my arm, stopping to ghost over my fingers, but quickly retrieving.

I stood there alone for a moment, and I found myself lightly caressing the cheek Y/n had placed a kiss on with my fingertips.

My heart sped up again.

[aboveallarescuer]

How Dany assesses the counsel she receives and makes her own choices - Dealing with the conflicts inside Meereen

This will be a series of posts meant to show that Dany is open to receiving advice and criticism, but that she doesn’t act solely based on what other people tell her to do. On the opposite, GRRM makes great effort to write a Dany who most often merges different viewpoints and/or finds her own solutions to the problems she’s facing. I won’t include every single decision she ever made (e.g. her decisions at court are often made without counsel and her execution of the ritual to hatch the dragon eggs was already exhaustively and deftly analyzed by other people), but there will be plenty of instances in this series that will prove my point nonetheless. The metas will always have four items: in which chapters the events mentioned take place; what advice she receives and from whom; what were her actions; the verdict (whether she followed other people’s advice, ignored/rejected them or did both at the same time).

Chapter (s): 

ADWD Daenerys I, II, IV, V, VI, IX

The advice Dany receives:

Barristan warns Dany that the Unsullied aren't well-suited to ask people about what happened to Stalwart Shield nor inquire about the Sons's activities (ADWD Dany I). In the reopening of Daznak's Pit, Barristan recommends that Dany uses the Unsullied to protect her rather than the Brazen Beasts due to his distrust in them, his uncertainty about their skills and his fear that the Sons are still around (ADWD Dany IX).

The Shavepate recommends the killing of a man from each family for Stalwart Shield's death and the killing of two if another death occurs (ADWD Dany I). He also suggests torturing the daughters of the wineseller while he watches (ADWD Dany II). Later, he urges Dany to kill the child hostages to prevent the murders from continuing (ADWD Dany IV). At last, he proposes torturing Hizdahr (because he believes he's involved with the Harpy's Sons) and seizing people from the ruling families so that Dany can get her ships back (ADWD Dany V).

Reznak is against any sort of punishment to the nobles for the Sons's murders (ADWD Dany I, II).

Daario is in favor of Dany gathering all the masters in the Temple of the Graces under the false pretense of marrying Hizdahr and killing them all (ADWD Dany IV).

Dany's actions:

We open up ADWD with Dany in her lion pelt sitting on her ebon bench. She is still asleep and couldn't even properly dress because the matter was too urgent for her to spare any time: one of her soldiers was killed.

“Your Grace,” said Ser Barristan Selmy, the lord commander of her Queensguard, “there is no need for you to see this.”

“He died for me.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

Like I said before, Dany's conception of queenship is one of self-sacrifice and accountability. Another ruler might have taken care of the matter at another time or even left it entirely to one of their advisors, but Dany wants to show gratitude (like she did with Doreah) and to take responsibility and not look away (like she did with the 163 children who were crucified).

The corpse is shown and Dany, because of the knowledge she acquired from her childhood in the Free Cities (she lived in six of the nine), is able to guess the man's origins:

The dead man’s face was smooth and hairless, though his cheeks had been slashed open ear to ear. He had been a tall man, blue-eyed and fair of face. Some child of Lys or Old Volantis, snatched off a ship by corsairs and sold into bondage in red Astapor. (ADWD Daenerys I)

Barristan begins to explain that the Sons were behind the attack, which they took responsibility by drawing a harpy on the bricks. Dany already knows how they operate, so she accurately intuits which material was used to draw it:

“… drawn in blood.” Daenerys knew the way of it by now. The Sons of the Harpy did their butchery by night, and over each kill they left their mark. (ADWD Daenerys I)

She then asks Grey Worm why the soldier was alone, since she had taken measures to prevent any of them from being killed:

“Grey Worm, why was this man alone? Had he no partner?” By her command, when the Unsullied walked the streets of Meereen by night they always walked in pairs. (ADWD Daenerys I)

Grey Worm, seemingly embarassed, admits that he went to "a house of pleasure", which Dany correctly guesses to be a brothel. Dany is empathetic and quite aware of the freedmen's difficult situation, so she makes no moral judgment about the fact that so many were opened lately:

A brothel. Half of her freedmen were from Yunkai, where the Wise Masters had been famed for training bedslaves. The way of the seven sighs. Brothels had sprouted up like mushrooms all over Meereen. It is all they know. They need to survive. Food was more costly every day, whilst the price of flesh grew cheaper. In the poorer districts between the stepped pyramids of Meereen’s slaver nobility, there were brothels catering to every conceivable erotic taste, she knew. (ADWD Daenerys I)

Even so, she doesn't understand why would an eunuch go to a brothel. Grey Worm responds that Stalwart Shield wanted "the women of the brothels to lie with him and hold him", an answer that profoundly affects Dany:

The blood of the dragon does not weep. “Stalwart Shield,” she said, dry-eyed. “That was his name?”

“If it please Your Grace.”

“It is a fine name.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

As I said before, Dany often uses the phrase "the blood of the dragon" to retain her composure and act as a proper monarch, and this moment is no exception: she reminds herself to not cry, makes sure she remains "dry-eyed" and praises his name. Because she's now emotionally affected by what happened, she can't help but wish for vengeance (which is normal, for it is linked with the desire for justice in her case) for his death:

Dany said a silent prayer that somewhere one of the Harpy’s Sons was dying even now, clutching at his belly and writhing in pain. (ADWD Daenerys I)

~

“Find these cowards for me. Find them, so that I might teach the Harpy’s Sons what it means to wake the dragon.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

Dany notes that he was the first of her soldiers that the Sons dared to kill. Barristan warns her that others will die, which is a cause of great distress for a queen who "belongs to her people, not to herself" and who recently made it clear that she wants to bring "peace, prosperity and justice" to the city:

I am still at war, Dany realized, only now I am fighting shadows. She had hoped for a respite from the killing, for some time to build and heal. (ADWD Daenerys I)

Then, she vows that Stalwart Shield will be remembered:

Shrugging off the lion pelt, she knelt beside the corpse and closed the dead man’s eyes, ignoring Jhiqui’s gasp. “Stalwart Shield shall not be forgotten. Have him washed and dressed for battle and bury him with cap and shield and spears.”

“It shall be as Your Grace commands,” said Grey Worm.

“Send men to the Temple of the Graces and ask if any man has come to the Blue Graces with a sword wound. And spread the word that we will pay good gold for the short sword of Stalwart Shield. Inquire of the butchers and the herdsmen, and learn who has been gelding goats of late.” Perhaps some goatherd would confess. “Henceforth, no man of mine walks alone after dark.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

Here, we see that Dany: a) orders for Stalwart Shield to be properly buried and honored, b) offers more gold to anyone who might give information about who was behind his murder and c) forbids all of her soldiers to walk at night so that they might not become casualties as well. Later, d) she names a company of freedmen after him and e) thinks about him when she considers giving away her personal happiness and sexual autonomy because "she owed it to her dead". She is, indeed, making sure that he's not forgotten.

Barristan counsels Dany not to use the Unsullied for the jobs she gave them because "they were made for the battlefield" rather than to "unravel secrets or ask questions". Dany considers both his feedback and her available options and concludes that the Unsullied are still the best choice for now, which displays her critical thinking skills:

“Would knights serve me any better?” Selmy was training knights for her, teaching the sons of slaves to fight with lance and longsword in the Westerosi fashion … but what good would lances do against cowards who killed from the shadows? (ADWD Daenerys I)

~

“Then who, if not Unsullied? Dothraki would be even worse.” Dothraki fought from horseback. Mounted men were of more use in open fields and hills than in the narrow streets and alleys of the city. (ADWD Daenerys I)

~

“When the Stormcrows return from Lhazar, perhaps I can use them in the streets,” she told Ser Barristan, “but until then I have only the Unsullied.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

Later, she meets with two of her advisors, Reznak (who is pro-nobility) and the Shavepate (who is anti-slavery). In keeping with her previous actions to remember Stalwart Shield, Dany demands that they call him by his name.

“We were told about the eunuch.”

“His name was Stalwart Shield.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

Then, we get this bit of exposition from the Shavepate, who reminds Dany of her large number of enemies:

“...Zhak, Hazkar, Ghazeen, Merreq, Loraq, all the old slaving families. Pahl. Pahl, most of all. A house of women now. Bitter old women with a taste for blood. Women do not forget. Women do not forgive.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

Which leads Dany, who is already angry for what happened to Stalwart Shield, to think about when she returns to Westeros and teaches the Usurper's dogs that she does not forgive. I've talked about this before here and here, but, while Dany is not right in reducing them to a single group, she is right that Robert should be held accountable for the deaths of innocent children, about which he did nothing to bring justice. 

There is more to what the Shavepate said, though: his overfocus on women, more particularly on "bitter old women", is another indication from the narrative (albeit not entirely conclusive) that Galazza Galare working against Dany. In fact, she might be the Harpy herself coordinating the Sons's attacks, if this passage from ASOS is any indication:

She had a woman’s face, with gilded hair, ivory eyes, and pointed ivory teeth. Water gushed yellow from her heavy breasts. But in place of arms she had the wings of a bat or a dragon, her legs were the legs of an eagle, and behind she wore a scorpion’s curled and venomous tail.

The harpy of Ghis, Dany thought. (ASOS Daenerys II)

~

Behind them, huge against the sky, could be seen the top of the Great Pyramid, a monstrous thing eight hundred feet tall with a towering bronze harpy at its top.

“The harpy is a craven thing,” Daario Naharis said when he saw it. “She has a woman’s heart and a chicken’s legs. Small wonder her sons hide behind their walls.” (ASOS Daenerys V)

Back to the advisors. They have different suggestions for Dany concerning what to do to prevent more deaths like Stalwart Shield's. The Shavepate favors killing a man from each noble family for Stalwart Shield's death now. If another death occurs, she should kill two from each noble family. Meanwhile, Reznak asks for restraint by saying that the murderers will be found and proven to be "baseborn filth". Dany ends up following Reznak's advice, not because she views the freedmen negatively, of course, but because of this:

“How can I punish them when I do not know who they are?” Dany demanded of him.

Dany doesn't want to punish people indiscriminately, and she will reverberate the same feelings later with three different people here, here and here. These moments show how using violent methods isn't Dany's comfort zone nor the first option that comes up in her mind (the torture of the wineseller and his daughters was certainly not her idea, for instance, even if she remains responsible for it). Instead, she wants to specifically target Stalwart Shield's killer, and she's not afraid of using her gold to do so, even if it brings no profit to her:

“How much gold have we offered for information concerning the Sons of the Harpy?” Dany asked.

“One hundred honors, if it please Your Radiance.”

“One thousand honors would please us more. Make it so.” (ADWD Daenerys I)

While we're at it, it's interesting to consider Dany's feelings on these men. This is how she describes the Shavepate:

Ghiscari hair was dense and wiry; it had long been the fashion for the men of the Slaver Cities to tease it into horns and spikes and wings. By shaving, Skahaz had put old Meereen behind him to accept the new, and his kin had done the same after his example. Others followed, though whether from fear, fashion, or ambition, Dany could not say; shavepates, they were called. Skahaz was the Shavepate … and the vilest of traitors to the Sons of the Harpy and their ilk. (ADWD Daenerys I)

First, Dany's shrewdness comes through in her guesses regarding why Skahaz's kin would shave like him - "fear, fashion or ambition". This is a great variety of reasons from her. And it's noteworthy that, for all the claims that she is too idealistic and naive (and she still is, to an extent, of course), she never considers that people might be following his example because of their devotion to his cause. Here, like in other moments, Dany proves that she has a healthy dose of skepticism about other people's intentions. When it comes to the Shavepate, she thinks he has a "brutal, angry face" and "prays it was an honest one as well".

That being said, I would say that her assessment of him is ambivalent, even more so when you compare it to how she judges Reznak:

The seneschal wore a tokar of maroon silk with a golden fringe. A small, damp man, he smelled as if he had bathed in perfume and spoke a bastard form of High Valyrian, much corrupted and flavored with a thick Ghiscari growl.

~

The seneschal was as bald as Skahaz, though in his case the gods were responsible. “Should any hair be so insolent as to appear, my barber stands with razor ready,” he had assured her when she raised him up. There were times when Dany wondered if that razor might not be better saved for Reznak’s throat. He was a useful man, but she liked him little and trusted him less. The Undying of Qarth had told her she would be thrice betrayed.

I know Dany is made to be suspicious of Reznak because she suspects (reasonably) that he is the "perfumed seneschal", but one could speculate that there is more to it. Reznak is wearing a tokar, described earlier by Dany as as "a master's garment, a sign of wealth and power". It is a major symbol of the social inequality that favors the masters over the freedmen, which Dany is quite conscious and critical of. Because she is an abolitionist figure who wants equality for everyone, it's only natural that she feels uncomfortable using it (and ends up rejecting it, as she does the peace). When it comes to Reznak, I wonder if seeing him willingly use it might make Dany unconsciously predisposed to view him in a harsher light. Accordingly, she also thinks that his High Valyrian is a "bastard form" for being "corrupted" with his "Ghiscari growl".

It must be said, however, that, in trying to associate Dany's discomfort with the Meereenese culture with her hatred of slavery and giving little page time and development to the freedmen (who could've been three-dimensional and diverse like the Free Folk), the one group she is advocating for, GRRM can make Dany look "intolerant" to readers who aren't that interested in her, and this particular instance with Reznak could be interpreted as such. Then there's also the fact that Dany views Reznak negatively partly because he has conventionally feminine traits, something that she has in common with Ned (and his views on Varys) and that I discuss here.

Anyway, to sum up my thoughts on the Shavepate and Reznak, I wanted to show how she views the latter more negatively than the former, even though she follows the latter's advice. That's because Dany doesn't rely on a single viewpoint, but only on her own.

In ADWD Daenerys II, Dany is informed that nine freedmen were killed in one night, which frightens her. Because she cares about giving the freedmen justice, her (righteous) outrage at seeing them suffer is that much deeper. After finding out that the murderers weren't conclusively identified, but that suspects were found, Dany initially asks for them to be interrogated, though she is skeptical of their innocence:

They all plead ignorance and beg for mercy. “Give them to the Shavepate. Skahaz, keep each apart from the others and put them to the question.”

“It will be done, Your Worship. Would you have me question them sweetly, or sharply?”

“Sweetly, to begin. Hear what tales they tell and what names they give you. It may be they had no part in this.” (ADWD Daenerys II)

But then, she finds out that Rylona Rhee was tortured and killed, which brings us to this controversial moment:

Mercy, thought Dany. They will have the dragon’s mercy. “Skahaz, I have changed my mind. Question the man sharply.”

“I could. Or I could question the daughters sharply whilst the father looks on. That will wring some names from him.”

“Do as you think best, but bring me names.” Her fury was a fire in her belly. (ADWD Daenerys II)

I've already written my thoughts on this scene, so I'll just say this: however morally questionable Dany's actions were here (and they were morally questionable), they can't be decontextualized (the Shavepate had seeded the idea, as I said before), they can't be divorced from the reality of this world and they can't be reduced to vengeance when that's linked to justice and when monarchies tend to be (and even encourage the ruler to be) inherently arbitrary.

Then, Dany makes plenty of decisions on her own to guarantee the safety of her Unsullied:

“I will have no more Unsullied slaughtered. Grey Worm, pull your men back to their barracks. Henceforth let them guard my walls and gates and person. From this day, it shall be for Meereenese to keep the peace in Meereen. Skahaz, make me a new watch, made up in equal parts of shavepates and freedmen.”

“As you command. How many men?”

“As many as you require.” (ADWD Daenerys II)

Which then leads Reznak to question how she'll pay them. She decides that the nobles will suffer consequences this time:

“From the pyramids. Call it a blood tax. I will have a hundred pieces of gold from every pyramid for each freedman that the Harpy’s Sons have slain.” (ADWD Daenerys II)

She also makes it clear that she won't let any of the nobles flee from Meereen with resources this time:

Daenerys was sick unto death of Zhak and Merreq; she was sick of all the Meereenese, great and small alike. “Let them go, but see that they take no more than the clothes upon their backs. Make certain that all their gold remains here with us. Their stores of food as well.” (ADWD Daenerys II)

Because Dany left the Yunkish's financial resources intact, they ended up "return[ing] to slaving as soon as she moved on" and "rais[ed] levies, hir[ed] sellswords, and [made] alliances against her". Now it seems that Dany is learning her lesson and not letting the enemy retain power if she is able to neutralize it. One could argue that this is just to pay the soldiers' wages rather than a decision made based on her previous mistake, but again, it is still a sign that she is learning from what happened before, which is commendable.

Reznak tries to persuade Dany to be more lenient by pointing out the nobles' concern for their children. His comment has the opposite effect on Dany. She thinks she is also afraid for her own and then makes another decision on her own:

“We must keep them safe as well. I will have two children from each of them. From the other pyramids as well. A boy and a girl.”

“Hostages,” said Skahaz, happily.

“Pages and cupbearers. If the Great Masters make objection, explain to them that in Westeros it is a great honor for a child to be chosen to serve at court.” (ADWD Daenerys II) 

Dany's handling of the situation here is, once again, very interesting. Like in Stalwart Shield's case, you could say that she only followed the counsel of a single advisor - she chose Reznak's side before and now she chose Skahaz's. However, analyzing these situations that way would greatly oversimplify Dany's decisionmaking. As we see in this case, she makes all the major decisions on her own: she asks for the wineseller and his daughters to be questioned; she asks for the Shavepate to create a new watch; she creates a blood tax to compensate for the deaths of the freedmen and pay the soldiers she'll employ; she makes the decision to take hostages in case the murders continue.

In the next chapter, we get more information on the Shavepate's new watch, the Brazen Beasts. Dany says that the Sons fear them, which may or may not be true since she's putting up a front to be resist Xaro's thinly disguised attempts to undermine her power, confidence, achievements and skills. Even so, it seems to have been a successful decision:

“...They fear my Brazen Beasts.” Skahaz mo Kandaq had given her the new watch she had asked for, made up in equal numbers of freedmen and shavepate Meereenese. They walked the streets both day and night, in dark hoods and brazen masks. The Sons of the Harpy had promised grisly death to any traitor who dared serve the dragon queen, and to their kith and kin as well, so the Shavepate’s men went about as jackals, owls, and other beasts, keeping their true faces hidden. (ADWD Daenerys III)

I'll talk about this more on another post, but, in the context of the military forces that Dany created, it's convenient to mention that she also organized the freedmen to better defend the city without anyone's advice:

“My freedman—” Dany started.

“Bedslaves, barbers, and brickmakers win no battles.”

He was wrong in that, she hoped. The freedmen had been a rabble once, but she had organized the men of fighting age into companies and commanded Grey Worm to make them into soldiers. (ADWD Daenerys III)

Even then, however, the killings still continue in ADWD Daenerys IV, which affects Dany a lot:

“...More freedmen died last night, or so I have been told.”

“Three.” Saying it left a bitter taste in her mouth. “The cowards broke in on some weavers, freedwomen who had done no harm to anyone. All they did was make beautiful things. I have a tapestry they gave me hanging over my bed. The Sons of the Harpy broke their loom and raped them before slitting their throats.” (ADWD Daenerys IV)

(This passage may also be hinting at something else...)

However, she doesn't have it in her to murder innocent people, much less innocent children.

Hazzea was enough. What good is peace if it must be purchased with the blood of little children? “These murders are not their doing,” Dany told the Green Grace, feebly. “I am no butcher queen.” (ADWD Daenerys IV)

Besides Dany's moral principles, her outlook should also be contextualized by her life experiences - as a child whom her enemies tried to kill and as a mother whose child was also targeted, Dany's reluctance is very understandable. However, by taking hostages and not harming them when the Sons still continued to act, Dany implicitly stated that she won't react as ruthlessly as one might expect from the Mother of Dragons, which, unfortunately, puts all of the freedmen in jeopardy.

I've talked about this before, and I'll be brief here because I intend to make another post about Dany's attempts to merge with the Meereenese, but, for the sake of context: I believe that the Green Grace is manipulating Dany in ADWD Daenerys IV. She tactfully mentions the Shavepate as someone who would be okay with killing children while then contrasting him to Hizdahr, the "perfect" husband for Dany to take if she wants to give the city peace (unjust as it is). As for Hizdahr, this exchange is relevant here, for it shows both Dany inquiring him about the Sons and, I would argue, his manipulation:

“Why should the Sons of the Harpy lay down their knives for you? Are you one of them?”

“No.”

“Would you tell me if you were?”

He laughed. “No.”

“The Shavepate has ways of finding the truth.”

“I do not doubt that Skahaz would soon have me confessing. A day with him, and I will be one of the Harpy’s Sons. Two days, and I will be the Harpy. Three, and it will turn out I slew your father too, back in the Sunset Kingdoms when I was yet a boy. Then he will impale me on a stake and you can watch me die … but afterward the killings will go on.” Hizdahr leaned closer. “Or you can marry me and let me try to stop them.”

“Why would you want to help me? For the crown?”

“A crown would suit me well, I will not deny that. It is more than that, however. Is it so strange that I would want to protect my own people, as you protect your freedmen? Meereen cannot endure another war, Your Radiance.”

That was a good answer, and an honest one. (ADWD Daenerys IV)

I don't think Dany was wrong when she described Hizdahr as "cunning" two chapters ago. Not only there is a lot of textual evidence that suggests that he is working with the Sons (here and here), but the arguments he makes here seem fabricated and designed specifically with the intent to appeal to Dany's desire to protect her people ("Meereen cannot endure another war") and avoid more collateral damage ("let me try to stop them"), all the while painting the Shavepate very negatively ("Skahaz would soon have me confessing").

With no good options here, Dany promises to marry Hizdahr on one condition:

“Peace is my desire. You say that you can help me end the nightly slaughter in my streets. I say do it. Put an end to this shadow war, my lord. That is your quest. Give me ninety days and ninety nights without a murder, and I will know that you are worthy of a throne.[”] (ADWD Daenerys IV)

After her decision, this is how Dany thinks that her two counsellors will react:

The Shavepate will not be happy with me, but Reznak mo Reznak will dance for joy. Dany did not know which of those concerned her more. She needed Skahaz and the Brazen Beasts, and she had come to mistrust all of Reznak’s counsel. Beware the perfumed seneschal. Has Reznak made common cause with Hizdahr and the Green Grace and set some trap to snare me? (ADWD Daenerys IV)

Even here, where one might think that Dany is being fooled by the nobles, the writer makes an effort to show that that's not the case. Dany is not entirely trustful of them and considers if the three are setting some trap for her. Like I've emphasized so many times above in this post, the author works hard to showcase how Dany's political goals and views are not the same as those of any of her advisors, nor does she ever rely entirely on any of them.

Since the marriage is Dany's solution to ending the recent terrorist attacks in the city, I also need to point out what Barristan suggests to Dany here:

“[I]t is important to me that you should understand. My people are bleeding. Dying. A queen belongs not to herself, but to the realm. Marriage or carnage, those are my choices. A wedding or a war.”

“Your Grace, may I speak frankly?”

“Always.”

“There is a third choice.”

“Westeros?”

He nodded. (ADWD Daenerys IV)

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if/when Dany decides to leave for Westeros, it won't be an "immoral and awful" decision (as Feldman says here). Fighting for her claim to the Iron Throne will simply be acting like any feudal lord would. In fact, framing Dany's eventual change of attitude as negative is very, very unfair, not only because she was already doing and sacrificing far more than she had to (as the book passage above shows), but also because she was never going to have a perfect and unambiguous victory in Slaver's Bay, no matter how much time she stays or how much effort she puts.

Anyway, back to discussing Dany's decisionmaking. In the same chapter, she explains to Daario (who had just returned from his mission to Lhazar) how the chaos in her city came to be, so he urges her to pretend she will marry Hizdahr only so she can gather all of the Great Masters in the Temple of the Graces and kill them all. These are her reactions:

“We have no proof this is their work. Would you have me slaughter my own subjects?” (ADWD Daenerys IV)

~

“Do you take me for the Butcher King?”

“Better the butcher than the meat. All kings are butchers. Are queens so different?”

“This queen is.” (ADWD Daenerys IV)

As we see once more, Dany is not willing to use indiscriminate violence against the Meereenese, even if she hates them. Daario tells her that a queen who won't be a butcher is a queen who is only a "brood mare" (as Cersei puts it), which Dany doesn't take well. She asks, angry, if she forgot who she is, and he makes the same question to her. Then, she finally orders him to leave.

I have more thoughts on Daario's advice, but I'll get to them later.

In ADWD Daenerys V, twenty-six days have passed without a single murder. The Shavepate is clearly irritated; he makes, in my opinion, a very convincing case when he says that Hizdahr's visits to several pyramids indicate that all of these families were aligned with the Sons and that he is conspiring with them. Dany is not so sure:

Skahaz was convinced that somewhere in Meereen the Sons of the Harpy had a highborn overlord, a secret general commanding an army of shadows. Dany did not share his belief. The Brazen Beasts had taken dozens of the Harpy’s Sons, and those who had survived their capture had yielded names when questioned sharply … too many names, it seemed to her. It would have been pleasant to think that all the deaths were the work of a single enemy who might be caught and killed, but Dany suspected that the truth was otherwise. My enemies are legion. “Hizdahr zo Loraq is a persuasive man with many friends. And he is wealthy. Perhaps he has bought this peace for us with gold, or convinced the other highborn that our marriage is in their best interests.” (ADWD Daenerys V)

While it could be argued that Hizdahr's words ("I do not doubt that Skahaz would soon have me confessing") have partly shaped Dany's views on the matter, I don't think her reasoning should be reduced to his influence. It makes perfect sense for the attacks not to be coordinated by a single person and that they are happening concurrently and being financed and ordered by different people at the same time. It also makes perfect sense for Hizdahr not to be directly involved with the killings (though I think he is), but rather that he has plenty of friends and managed to convince them to end the Sons' activities with bribery.

Perhaps more importantly, as @rainhadaenerys questioned in a conversation we had: even if the Green Grace (the one character most often identified as the Harpy) was found as their leader and arrested, would it have stopped the Sons' killings? It seems much more likely that they would have continued (either with the Sons or with another faction), because there are too many nobles interested in bringing her down. As Dany realizes, "[her] enemies are legion". That's a pretty solid conclusion. Maybe she would only be able to stop them if she followed Daario's advice (hence why she thinks about it one chapter later), which she is not willing to do.

Whatever happens, my point is that Dany's guess is logical and may even come to pass, so it's not a sign of stupidity at all that she couldn't imagine that the priestess Galazza Galare is the Harpy.

The Shavepate asks for Dany authorize his torture of Hizdahr, which she forbids:

“No,” she said. “I do not trust these confessions. You’ve brought me too many of them, all of them worthless.”

“Your Radiance—”

“No, I said.” (ADWD Daenerys V)

While I don't think that this is a situation that can be merely described as "Dany learned that torture is wrong" because there are several other factors at play, it's also true that she is the only ruler we've seen onpage ordering them to be stopped. Like I said when she proposed to take the gold and food from the nobles who would leave Meereen, it seems that Dany is learning from her mistakes.

Then, the Shavepate suggests sending the Brazen Beasts to the pyramids of all the ruling families of Meereen and seizing them so that Dany can win back the ships that she lost. Instead of trying to make his advice more appealing to Dany, he continues to press on the need for violence, which she has already made clear she'll avoid and reiterates it again:

“If I send the Brazen Beasts into the pyramids, it will mean open war inside the city. I have to trust in Hizdahr. I have to hope for peace.” Dany held the parchment above a candle and watched the names go up in flame, while Skahaz glowered at her. (ADWD Daenerys V)

It's quite noticeable that the Shavepate is out of his depth when the other person won't agree with his methods.

However, despite Dany's insistence to maintain a more moderate course of action, we see that she is aware that this choice makes her vulnerable:

Afterward, Ser Barristan told her that her brother Rhaegar would have been proud of her. Dany remembered the words Ser Jorah had spoken at Astapor: Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died. (ADWD Daenerys V)

Let's contextualize the advice. When was it received and how did Dany deal with it? Was that good advice from Jorah? I would argue that it was not, since he was trying to normalize the training of the Unsullied and the existence of slavery in general as necessary evils if Dany is to win the game of thrones. However, his advice was useful in another sense: sometimes you can't play by the rules if you intend to succeed. And so, like with Viserys and Drogo, she found a solution that was informed by Jorah's influence while also being her own: by refusing to view the slaves as objects to be traded, Dany considered the deal illegitimate and sparked an abolitionist campaign that would influence an entire continent. In other words, Dany did not play by the rules (like he advised), but not by compromising her moral principles (like he intended), but because of her moral principles.

So, why are we being reminded of that advice now? Before I write my own interpretation, I also want to point out that Daario's advice from ADWD Daenerys IV stays in her mind long enough for her to remember it two chapters later (which very likely means that the author is trying to say something with it):

Get the heads of all the noble houses out of their pyramids on some pretext, Daario had said. The dragon’s words are fire and blood. Dany pushed the thought aside. It was not worthy of her. (ADWD Daenerys VI)

Dany has these thoughts when she is forced to make more compromises for the sake of her marriage. I want to make a separate post centered on her attempts to merge with the Meereenese nobles, so I won't dwell on the particular context of this passage here. What I want is to call attention to the fact that Daario's advice serves a similar purpose to that of Jorah's. Like Jorah, Daario also thinks Dany should compromise her moral values for the sake of her goal (in this case, crush the resistance inside her city). So, what are we to make of these moments? (Keep in mind that this is all speculation)

Someone who defends the peace agreement would call them "temptations", but, as I've argued here, I believe that war is the only righteous option in this particular case. Daenerys's eventual mindset shift, which is seeded in the two passages above, do not indicate that she's turning her back on the freedmen, but rather that she is turning back into the Daenerys of ASOS who made this statement:

“Freedom!” she sang out. “Dracarys! Dracarys!”

“Dracarys!” they shouted back, the sweetest word she’d ever heard. “Dracarys! Dracarys!” And all around them slavers ran and sobbed and begged and died, and the dusty air was filled with spears and fire. (ASOS Daenerys III)

Just as Dany's use of draconic force was once associated with freedom, I believe they will be framed as righteous once again in TWOW. The author's choice to have Dany remember Jorah's advice in ASOS Daenerys II makes me hopeful. Like I said above, Dany was given a suggestion and filtered it to make it her own decision. In ADWD Daenerys IV, Daario also asks her not to conform to accepted moral standards, and she remembers his words later on. Instead of that signaling her "downfall" or "moral degradation" or anything that doesn't make sense with her characterization, I think it's much more likely, considering her characterization and her pattern of actions, that she finds a different way that integrates both dragonfire and her morality. This is not to say that everything will go smoothly - I've expressed my doubts and apprehensions before concerning how far GRRM will take the negative consequences of Dany's crusade (and they will emerge, just like they did later in Astapor, because Dany's storyline never has easy and uncomplicated solutions), but, still, I think what both @rainhadaenerys and @yendany suggest in their posts here and here is much more likely, so I'll sum up some of their points here: a) believing that dragons plant no trees is not the ultimate conclusion of Dany's character development, b) understanding when, why, how and to which extent violence is necessary and justified is key and c) a dragon is not a slave because it ultimately won't abide to an unjust and false peace and, by embracing her identity, Dany will be better able to protect her children.

There isn't much more to say about how Dany handled the conflicts inside the city because the Sons only resume their attacks after Dany is gone and Hizdahr is arrested by Barristan and the Shavepate. She does receive advice from Barristan that is related to what I've been discussing in ADWD Daenerys IX, however. In this chapter, he says that he'd rather have Dany be protected by the Unsullied rather than the Brazen Beasts. Half of them are untried freedmen, he argues, and the other half is left undescribed, but Dany intuitively understands what he means:

And the other half are Meereenese of doubtful loyalty, he left unsaid. Selmy mistrusted all the Meereenese, even shavepates.

Even with the suspicions about their allegiance, Dany still goes through with her decision to use the Brazen Beasts as her guards:

“And untried they shall remain unless we try them.” (ADWD Daenerys IX)

~

“How should Meereen ever come to trust the Brazen Beasts if I do not? There are good brave men beneath those masks. I put my life into their hands.” (ADWD Daenerys IX)

Dany said in the previous chapter that she "was forgetting how to trust", but we see here that that's not really true. During the feast, she was particularly unhappy and miserable about the concessions she was making and how vulnerable to the Yunkish she was becoming, so it was understandable that she would have thoughts charged with frustration. However, now that Dany seems a bit more content and less angry here, once again, her attitude goes back to being one of open-mindedness as it usually is. This makes for compelling and believable (rather than simplistic or contradictory) characterization.

I also like how this decision emphasizes Dany's awareness that a leader should be an example for her subjects (a recurring attitude that goes back to ACOK). Like I've said plenty of times already, she always holds herself accountable - if Queen Daenerys shows that they are trustworthy, eventually, the citizens of Meereen will also feel safe under the protection of this new city watch.

Finally, to appease Barristan, Dany reminds him that she has him and Belwas by her side, which she believes should be enough. Now we've come full circle: if, in ADWD Daenerys I, Dany considered Barristan's feedback and her available options and chose the one she thought was the least worst for a job (the Unsullied), here in ADWD Daenerys IX she is shown doing the same thing (the Brazen Beasts). She's willing to trust in her freedmen both at the beginning and the end.

How Dany assesses the advice she receives

Barristan Selmy

Barristan warns Dany that the Unsullied aren't well-suited to ask people about what happened to Stalwart Shield nor inquire about the Sons's activities (ADWD Dany I).

Dany considers her available options and concludes that the Unsullied are still the best choice for now.

In the reopening of Daznak's Pit, Barristan recommends that Dany uses the Unsullied to protect her rather than the Brazen Beasts due to his distrust in them, his uncertainty about their skills and his fear that the Sons are still around (ADWD Dany IX).

Dany still decides to use the Brazen Beasts as her guards because she thinks she should trust them before everyone else does.

Daario Naharis

Daario is in favor of Dany gathering all the masters in the Temple of the Graces under the false pretense of marrying Hizdahr and killing them all (ADWD Dany IV).

Dany is horrified by Daario's suggestion and, after he challenges her, sends him away.

 Reznak mo Reznak

Reznak is against any sort of punishment to the nobles for the Sons's murders (ADWD Dany I, II).

In the first chapter, Dany follows his advice, but not because she is pro-nobility, but rather because she doesn't want to punish people indiscriminately.

In the second chapter, Dany doesn't follow his advice.

The Shavepate

The Shavepate recommends the killing of a man from each family for Stalwart Shield's death and the killing of two if another death occurs (ADWD Dany I).

Dany decides not to follow his advice because she is avoiding to punish people indiscriminately. 

He also suggests torturing the daughters of the wineseller while he watches (ADWD Dany II).

Dany follows his advice.

Later, he urges Dany to kill the child hostages to prevent the murders from continuing (ADWD Dany IV).

Dany doesn't follow his advice because she doesn't want more innocent children like Hazzea dying.

At last, he proposes torturing Hizdahr (because he believes he's involved with the Harpy's Sons) and seizing people from the ruling families so that Dany can get her ships back (ADWD Dany V).

Dany doesn't follow his advice because his previous tortures didn't bring any trustworthy results.

Verdict

Dany takes responsibility for Stalwart Shield's death by a) waking up at night, b) ordering that he's properly buried and honored, c) offering more gold to anyone who might give clues about the murderers and d) forbiding her soldiers to walk at night. All of these decisions are made on her own.

Dany increases the offer of gold for information concerning the Harpy's Sons from one hundred to one thousand honors. This decision is made on her own.

Dany allows the torture of the wineseller's daughters by the Shavepate after his manipulation.

Dany a) orders Grey Worm to release the Unsullied from their duties at night, b) creates the Brazen Beasts (and a blood tax to pay them), c) forbids the nobles from leaving the city with their gold and stores of food and d) takes two hostages from each pyramid. All of these decisions are made on her own.

Dany organizes the freedmen into three companies (Mother's Men, Stalwart Shields, Free Brothers). This decision is made on her own.

Dany promises to marry Hizdahr if he's able to give her ninety days with no murders in the city. This decision is made on her own.

[wolfofwinchester]

👤 / Cordelia

Send me 👤+ a character name for my muse’s opinion on that character

concerning @saphireign

"You are truly asking me how I feel about my very own sister?" The Countess pressed her fingers against the brooch pinned to her neck, a politely bemused expression formed. "Well then, allow me to educate you."

"She's brilliant, more so than even yours truly on many occasions, that's for certain. It's a very controversial statement for the eldest to say that about the youngest, but it is completely true. She is as sharp as a fresh-made blade, and she is just as refined. You would not want to meet my sister on bad terms in the night," Claudia rested on her knuckles and grinned. "she is keenly versed in how to best wield herself."

Eldest, youngest, it was such nonsense! The structure of nobility itself was nonsense too, completely vainglorious in purpose. But now, more than ever, Claudia clutched the order tighter than she ever had before. The eldest was pressed, pinched, and embroidered with responsibility and refinery more so than those who followed behind in age. The eldest took the brunt, the youngest was able to live more freely. There would be no pressure for Cordelia to find a husband nor to bear children, or at least not to the immensity that is expected of the heir. She had more freedom to chase her desires, and even one day, if she so wished, to leave the manor and strike out on her own. She had no chains, and that is how Claudia preferred it.

It was something that they both deserved, but Cordelia's freedom was so much more viral; she was so very serious and solemn, especially now that they'd landed in their peculiar situation. She needed to live. She needed to be free. She deserved to be free. Claudia would be damned if that was threatened. As frivolous as she was by nature, the thought of her death leading to Cordelia inheriting the collar of the Watchdog brought her an edge that was more piercing than she would have alone. Death was rejected.

"And I must admit, I do get my amusement from toying with her. I don't have much, so my poor twin must suffer my insufferableness!" There was a snicker hissing through her bared teeth. eyes squinted delightfully. "Cordelia is such a serious woman, you know. The bite of winter in human skin! I am not spared from her wrath mind you, I am in equality with everyone who should ever be so similarly foolish to tamper with the tempest." Another hissing snicker. "So, do let that be a warning; I am not safe, and neither are you, and you do want to avoid her repercussions at all cost. I don't, because I am a fool who enjoys swatting at certain death."

The hissing simmered slow into a pleasant hum, the Countess turning her eye to the magpie thaumatrope perched to the left upon her desk, supported by two wooden hands that pinched the ends of its strings while the window just behind blew the breeze to make it dance. It was in flight, only stopping when the nipping breeze calmed. "While I do enjoy playing with my poor, dear sister, I respect her, and there are not many whom I feel that way towards. You see, I do not jest when I say she is brilliant. She is of a tactical mind, one that could, and I assure you that it would, win any war that found itself unfortunate enough to wage against her. The way her mind works," A tapping of a velvet digit at her temple. "you would be stupefied."

Her head tilted, and there was a flash of the eyes back in the direction of her inquirer. "It must go without saying that I care for her greatly, don't you think so?"

It was very subtle before, forming from the moment the question aired, but steadily it grew thicker, stronger, enough to make the hairs on the back of a neck prickle. As jovial as the Countess was, there was an underlying tension swelling in the atmosphere, and it was of the predacious nature.

[emperorofbullshit]

This is gonna be me ranting and whining about how annoyed I am at my own mediocrity and how I manipulate the people around me as a coping mechanism to delude myself into thinking I am doing pretty alright and I shouldn't complain because I have it good

Since 14 years old there has been much discord in my family. My father is an alcoholic and not just a normal one. He would go to work at 6, get off work at 12 and then come home after 6 more hours of drinking. There are 7 days in a week and out of those 7, in at least 5 I have had to hide in my room because I was scared of him. He would yell, he would call me names, he would even make threats saying things like :

"I have 2 sons. Do you see that window? I could throw you out of it and only have one son."

To a 14 year old kid who is scared shitless but can't show emotion on his face, those words were always taken at face value and I always had no doubts on him being unable to keep his words. I am the eldest of 2 sons and thus I had to take the brunt of the "parental dedication", as they call it, and was always pushed for excellence. They would always say : "Get good grades, make good friends, go outside, go study, go do this and go do that" in and out every day. From 3rd grade I have been taking courses on languages, sports and math at times and I would leave home at about 6:45 AM every day to get to school at 7:30 and I would go from school which ended more often than not at 13:30 to English courses and then to either Deutch courses or basketball practice which would end at roughly 6PM.

My parents loved achievements but did next to nothing to help me feel anything other than anger towards getting any. They would always go on and on about good grades so you can get the prize money, good grades so you can get in a good school, good this, good that and I subconsciously avoided being in the spotlight because I actually felt gratification from being able to see their dreams shatter into dust and fir a while, that was the inly thing that kept me going. Just the look on their faces, the tone on their voice, the gleam in their eyes. The gleam of someone realizing that their hopes and dreams of greatness were just turned to dust. I still have that side of me, I just choose to keep it under control but it want's to get loose once a while.

And so my life continued until 9th grade when ai decided to stop all couses because I was sick and tired of them and so I stopped going. Then came high school, this circus, part of which I am as of writing this text most if not all of you will skip because it's just way too long.

In the first year of highschool I had fun. I made some new friends and hung with them a bit and I also met the one person I thought I could trust because she was like me, except unlike me, she still had hope and she still had her parents, albeit controlling, with her, rather than against her.

I gave her counsel when she needed it and we hit it off. She was a great friend while it lasted. I knew from the beginning that she and I would most certanly not make it through the year as friends so I had as much fun as possible with her.

I told her a very tiny fraction about my life and jokingly but never untruthfully told her how my mind works and what I do to people around me, her included. I talked her about relationships once and I helped her out too because she had a guy she liked and he liked her back. This guy just so happened to also be a friend of mine so I thought : "Why not help my friend get together with my other friend?", and subtly but surely I made them get together faster.

That was basically the premise of the first year. A pretty average story but I left out the part where the alcoholism and mental abuse at home never stopped. I put focus on this one girl because helping her out was my coping mechanism.

Then came the second year. This girl had gotten together with her man and they were very happy to be together and still are, after all I am still in my 2nd year of high school writing this, but back to topic. The second year of high school was wierd to say the least because of the pandemic and our classes were split in half. Me, being the pupeteer I am, decided to pull some strings and set my annoying classmates away with sweet words and deals that sounded too good to be true, and ended up with the best classmates I wanted, part of which was my target for the second year. My target was a girl this time. She was and still is, pretty, smart, and very comfortable for me to be around but she and i had never actually talked at all. Wd had exchanged a sentence once on our 1st year and that's it. I spent a few days observing her and noticed that she was a loner, she didn't exactly have friends amongst the classmates, so I thought : "Well that's as good a chance as any.", and started talking to her and walked her home after school. We became friends and were going out daily after school to get a drink somewhere and one day, as I had planned, 2 fellow classmates show up and I tell them to sit with us and so began my act and my strategy on building her a group of friends. The group wasn't too big. It was me, her, the other 2 classmates, a friend of mine and the girl from the 1st year of highschool. We were all classmates so we all had fun and talked and we developed into a true griend group. Well, as good a group as any can be with me in it. Time passed an I noticed I was really not interested in this girl I had set as my target so I just let her go to do her thing and cut my puppet strings there.

I did all of this because I wanted to prove to myself something, I don't even know what it was anymore because it lost value in my eyes and so I just cut my strings on everyone and let them free. My social life was evolving for the better, which was good and all, but my familial life was degrading and devolving at such speeds that weren't even funny anymore.

My father would come drunk, lecture me for hours on end about the most uselss things in existence, and he would always call me names and berate me on everything. He had even come to me with a big kitchen knife pointed at my chest and said : "I will kill you and eat your heart if you dont do what I want"

I am still afraid of him and i still have trauma gron him so I still didn't doubt his words because when your father comes to your room at 10 PM holding a knife to your chest while your back is agains the wall, you then realize that bad things can really be considered good compared to other things.

I was living in fear. Every day I would pretend to be asleep for hours on end so I could avoid him and maybe be spared but that was just wishful thinking.

While my soocial life evolved, my familial life kept devolving. My father would come drunk more often, fight more often with my mother, screm more, curse more and shout more. I was honestly getting pretty fed up with his bullshit. One day, he woke up from his nap and he was still drunk and started lecturing me on what "Sons of bitches, idiots and parasites" every single member of my moms side of the family, my mother included was. I was very pissed and my knuckles had gone wbite form me clenching them that hard.

My mother got home mid lecture and thy started fighting again. First it was just verbal insults and slurs, but it got worse and worse untol my father literaly ran at my mother prepated to choke her.

That.

That was the moment I had my first meltdown in my life. I saw him run and I saw his hands on her throat and I just had one simple directive in my mund telling me one thing : "Whatever made you feel this way must be eliminated"

And that was what I tried to do. I ran and pushed him away from my mother and then punched my dad so hard he crashed into the wall and made a dent. I would probably have killed him there if it wasn't for my father's brother who came to us because of all the noise, stopping me. He tried to get me away from my father and when I did and my father got up and tried to punch me while my uncle was blaming my mom fir the situation, I grabbed both him and my dad and threw them to the wall. I would probably have been bruised because thwy are both fat and I was in complete meltdown just screaming in the rage of years and years of mental torture and violent self loathing which had build up behind the dam and only sought a way out. They eventually split us up and I was crying and yelling. I could barely breathe, my lungs just couldn't take in air fadt enough for my heart which was beating so hard that thunder would sound like a butterfly's wings beating. I opened the windows on my room and put 3 quarters of my body outside the window , risking to fall and die but I didn't care anymore. The rage had subsided, having found an exit and without it to push me, I was just a broken kid that just sought desperately the help which noone gave. Not my parents, not my friends, not even those who considered themselves and to my face said "We are best friends, we help each other". I never got any help and nobody even saw that I broke down. I dropped hint after hint after hint that I needed someone to talk to, someone to say a few words to me, someone to just listen to anything I wanted to say, yet all I got was nothing. I noticed that none of these so called friends or best friends care about anything. Thwy didn't even notice that when I took my shirt off to change for PE, I had bruises in my back and chest. Nobody said anything or did anything so i also did nothing.

Everybody just seemed to go on their own way and nobody wanted to even acknowledge what had happened or what help I needed.

I am still bitter and mad at everyone but especually at my "best friend" to whom I say the following :

V. You know who this account belongs to. You know me in real life and you know I'm not lying because I don't waste my time like that. You know damn well that if yku read this entire thing and see things just a small 1(one) percent of how I saw things, you wouldn't call youself my acquaintance, let alone my best friend.

To anyone that made it to the end and actually read it, please realize that no matter what, no matter where, you cannot rely on those you consider dear without knowing for certain that they also consider you dear.

[shimmeringclouds]

♔ | 𝐈𝐈𝐈

»»-----　♔　-----««

Chorosuke sighed deeply, pressing his forefinger and thumb against the bridge of his nose with his eyes screwed up in frustration. The knocking became more frequent and obnoxious the longer Chorosuke sat there, with you and Dayoko glancing at each other with unease.

"My apologies," he spoke through gritted teeth as he tried to keep his composure. "I'll have this issue sorted soon. Please, continue to eat." Nothing more was said as he swiftly got out is his seat and left the room, grabbing a rolled up newspaper from somewhere and rolling up his sleeve before closing the door behind him.

The silence was somewhat tense and awkward as you held your utensil up in midair. Did you really want to keep eating? A dark pit was forming in your stomach.

Clearing your throat, you looked over to Dayoko, who was chewing her food slower than before.

"Dayoko..?" You asked cautiously. She looked towards her, inclining her head. "Do you.. Do you know who's at the door?"

"D-Dayon!" Her smile was tense and shaky. She isn't too sure? Somehow, that made you feel worse. Even though you had never been to Akashika before now, you knew that the District as a whole was small. Everyone would know each other, right? That was what you had initially thought.

You decided to drop it, seeing as the girl was clearly just as uncomfortable as you were. The small voice in your head began filling you with doubt as you chewed on your food. Had you made a mistake coming here? Were they right, saying this was a dumb idea?

A loud thud from the hallway made you jump. Fear crept into your veins for a moment, only to hearing Chorosuke's annoyed tone.

"I am not giving you a meal! Not after the mess you made last time!"

"Huh? But you're rich! Just hire some maids or something to clean it up!"

The arrival of a second voice startled you. You spared a look at Dayoko, who's face and turned sour. So she did know who it was. Your curiosity was peaked.

It sounded... familiar, the voice in the hallway. Slightly more boyish than Chorosuke's, maybe a little too laid back. There was a teasing lilt that hung onto his words, although whether it was intentional or not was unclear to you.

"Choromatsu-niisan is hiding something!" A third voice called out. It was cheerful and loud, giddy and child-like, and a lot closer than the other two, sounding right outside the door. The door itself began rattling, sliding itself open. Dayoko appeared tense in her seat, glaring wearily at the doorway.

The door slid away to reveal... Chorosuke? Only it wasn't Chorosuke. Was it? Your brain was hurting from the confusion.

He had the face of Chorosuke, only his pupils was larger and his smile was more of a normal curve than a 'V'. His clothing was different, too; he wore a pale yellow polo-shirt with grey slacks, and he walked barefoot, not bothering to put on any house slippers. Your gaze landed on the paper bag in his hand, slightly crumpled from where he held it, with two large holes on the front. What was that for?

His own dark eyes bore into your own for a moment, though to you it felt like a long, drawn out time. It was like he was studying you carefully, even though his eyes were glued to your face. A small chill ran up your spine. Was it cold in here?

"Osomatsu-niisan!" He suddenly called out, making you jump again. You were glad you had settled your food onto the table earlier, or else it would have been thrown onto the floor by now. "There's a girl in here!"

"It's just Dayoko! As if this guy could pull a girl— OW!" 'Osomatsu' (a peculiar name, you thought) cried out in pain after a 'thwack' was heard. It seemed that Chorosuke had put the newspaper to good use.

"No, it's someone else! A different girl." The man glanced down at your chest briefly before looking back at your face. "She's pretty!" You flushed deeply, quickly covering your chest with your arms. Dayoko places her arms around you, her angered glare doing nothing to deter the man from leaving the room.

"Oh?" Osomatsu sounded much closer now. "Has she got a nice pair of tits?" Another 'thwack' followed by a pained whine. "I'm just kidding!"

"Stop terrorising my guest, you idiots!" Chorosuke hissed.

"We haven't done anything! Jeez, chill out, will ya? So uptight all the... time.."

The other man had stepped into the room, half of his body peeking through the doorway as he paused. Your gaze was drawn to his, locking onto his familiar large brown eyes, tracing the curve of his soft-looking face and over his slicked back dark hair, a few locks falling over his forehead. He wore a white dress shirt, with the tie and upper buttons loosened greatly and his over-coat draped over his shoulder.

His own eyes were looking you over, too, albeit with less subtlety. He followed the way your hair framed your face, the curve of your shoulder down to your chest, lingering there for a moment before going back up to your [e/c] orbs.

"Woah... WOAH!" His dazed mutter was overtaken by a yelp of surprise as he stumbled into the room, looking back with a glare at Chorosuke's outstretched arm. "What was that for?!"

"You were blocking the way," Chorosuke seethed, his glare burning into the man before he rushed over to you. "[Y/N]! I am so terribly sorry for these imbeciles! Had I known they were coming, I would have made sure to keep them away!"

"Why are you acting all high and mighty all of a sudden?" Osomatsu cut in, his brow raised incredulously. "You're even worse than we are, Chorofappyski!"

Chorosuke paled, freezing in place. His eyes looked devoid of life as he refused to move. It was beginning to concern you.

"Chorosuke..?" You waves a hand in front of his face, receiving no response.

"Dayon.." Dayoko stood up with a roll of her eyes, easily dragging her brother by the arm and laying him down in his previous seat, making sure his head was resting against the pillow.

"Don't mind him. It was the only way I could get him to shut up." Osomatsu sat down with a sigh, a cat-like grin crossing his lips as he studied you once more. "So. Do I get a name for that cute face?"

Your cheeks were set ablaze again. You averted your eyes down to your lap, fingers fidgeting with your clothing. You mumbled your name timidly, picking up the way he repeated it, each syllable rolling off of his tongue like honey.

"I'm Akashika Ozo! Always at your service," he winked, leaning closer to you. You furrowed your brows slightly in confusion.

"'Ozo'...? But, didn't he say your name was 'Osomatsu?'" You pointed out, glancing to the other yellow-shirt man to see that he was busy grabbing the food from Chorosuke's bowl.

"It's just a.. nickname he's come up with," Ozo answered quickly, looking away from you. The man in question raised his head towards you, smiling widely.

"I'm Jyushimatsu!" He laughed. You didn't know why he was laughing, but it was certainly contagious, causing you to smile back at him.

"Stop telling people that that's your name!" Chorosuke rose from the dead, pointing a finger accusingly at Jyushimatsu.

"Call me Jyushimatsu! It's way better!" Came the reply.

"His real name is Ogami Toshio," Chorosuke sighed, "He's the son of the mayor in Akatsuka Village. He's quite unpredictable, so I highly suggest you stay away from him," he whispered the last part to you, only to be pushed out of the way by Ozo. He settled comfortably next to you, grabbing a bowl for himself and ignoring Chorosuke's protests.

"This food looks great! Let's just eat already!" Quickly following Jyushimatsu, Ozo piled his bowl with various morsels of food before digging in, noisily chewing away at his food.

"Hey! Where's the beer?"

"You're not invited to this dinner!" Chorosuke cried, powerless to the two 'intruders' in his house.

»»-----　♔　-----««

[stevenuniversetanzanite]

Fallen Angel (Venable X reader) Part 3

General Notice: I’m trying to get more works out during this time that is rough for all of us. That being said I am trying to keep it's quality up.

I googled Ms Venable’s cane to find out what the topper was for like one line in this chapter and boy was I not disappointed. Also, I am going to post the first chapter of the prequel later tonight. I’ll shove the link under and at the end if you want to check that.

Prequel Link: The Angel Among Us (Cordelia x reader) Plot: The event’s leading up to Y/N joining Michael and the Cooperative. 

Summary/idea: Two strangers come to ‘save’ the occupants of outpost 3. Neither are what they seem.

Warnings: N/A

Parts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4, Part 5 (Will add as I go)

It was the first time you had been up at mealtime since the first day. You decided to grace the dinner hall with your presence. Upon entering Venable commanded two of the greys to get you a meal and a chair and place it at the end of the table opposite her. It was the only vacant spot unless you did some shuffling the chairs around. 

 You had no problem with where you were placed. It allowed you to chat with the nearby purples while occasionally glancing up to see Venable deciphering you. 

 You were too much and yet too little. A hindrance to her whole way of running and yet the few rules you followed you followed to a T. She should kill you, save any trouble you could cause but she didn’t mind your presence. Not to mention they would have to deal with Michael as well. 

 It was better to leave you alive for now. You may still have something useful in you. 

 After last night, her tolerance to your presence changed. For a moment, she was warming up to you. Were you eccentric? For sure but it was tolerable.

 You wouldn’t look at her after her examination, she disgusted you, or so her mind had led her to believe. She couldn’t see a noticeable change in your behaviour besides you being awake and present for dinner. 

 You got stuck into your cube the moment it was placed before you. Venable watched eyes glued onto your every move as you indulged in your mediocre cube. You acted like it was the best meal you had in years. 

 "So, Ms L/N, tell us about yourself." Venable said. This was the first time she actively sought out a conversation during mealtime. All the occupants looked around at each other confused but remained silent.

 "There's not much to say-"

 "You always seem to have a comment to make in the most mundane of things, I'm sure you can come up with something."

 "Alright? Uh~" you tried to remember what you were going to say. There was so much, maybe too much to tell. "My childhood was uneventful, I went to finishing school in New Orleans, didn't do too much for me clearly, uh, left, and ended up getting hired there. It's been a boring journey. I'm sure yours was more interesting, I mean the head of an outpost, that's pretty impressive."

 "Well-"

 "That or it was pure coincidence." Venable choked on her food.

 "Pardon." Venable was offended.

 "Just like the Gallants' -and Coco's assistant Mallory- I know all about her." You adjusted yourself in your chair into a power sitting position. "I'm sure it was pure coincidence that Coco's family were on vacation at the time of the apocalypse and not some external sources doing."

 "What are you in about?" Coco asked.

 "Nothing," you said innocently. 

 Did the Cooperative plan all of this or was this another one of your mind games? Venable thought.

 You messed with Emily's mind the first day you met the purples, talking about how you couldn't get all the information you needed via interview. When Venable thought about it, maybe you weren't joking. It made perfect sense- well no it didn't but nothing about you did. You were playing a game of good cop and bad cop. Michael, hellbent on the interview structure and always having his way while you weren’t so picky on how you got your information. You were most likely analysing everyone and feeding your findings back to the man, seeing if they were being honest. 

 Or were you more like an angel and a devil? You weren't so keen on following Langdon's rules and were hell-bent on studying up trouble for him, considering putting him to Venable.

 You played with fire, bringing up her unconventional means of landing her current job. What she didn't expect was for you to question the Gallants', Coco's and someone named Mallory- must have been grey. No one needed to know about her past which you knew an alarming amount about. She decided to approach you about your misbehaviour. If you were going hang around here, you were going to be treated for your crimes.

 You tried to walk to your haven when a cane blocked your path. You smirked to yourself. 

 "Wipe that smug look off your face this instant," Venable said. without having to see your face she knew your reaction. "How dare you question my authority?"

 "I didn't question your authority, you can boss me around any day, I only suggested you weren't as qualified as others." That was as bad if not worse, Venable thought. 

 "You think you can wreck my reputation without consequences," Venable snarled. 

 "So, I did strike a nerve? I thought you would be above this."

 "Shut up for once in your goddamn life."

 "What do you intend to do if I don't?" She didn't respond. "That's what I thought. You're just as bland as the rest of them. I should have-"

 "Fuck you."

 "Fuck you too-"

 "I answered your question. Into my office now!"

 You spun around and raised your eyebrow, "Wait- what?" This had to be a joke. Maybe you were still asleep.

 "You wanted me so badly earlier, was that all a game?"

 "Wait- you actually bite?" From her records you found have thought she was aro or ace or something. 

 "Oh, I can and so much more," she growled. It was off, an underlying level of uncomfortableness to it. Maybe you were right? Or- OH MY GOD- HAS SHE EVEN-

 “You’re bluffing,” you said calmly. “Right?” She wasn’t. “No.”

 “What?!” Venable was in disbelief. Were you telling her no? Really? After all you're forcing yourself out you reject your chance. “You had no problem galivanting about earlier. Is it my deformity?”

 “V, I don’t give a shit about your back as long as it doesn’t hurt you.”

 She hasn't caught on that you'd done a similar thing before with the wine. You would play your game and when you get her attention to say no, wanting something else instead. This time, you didn't want a physical thing like wine but for her to be comfortable, something you could tell she wasn't.

 “What about last night?”

 “What about it?”

 “You- aren’t you disgusted? By it? By me?” 

 “Did I give you that impression? I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to- I was...” Venable waited for whatever excuse you were coming up with. “I was having a problem with Michael- uh, I mean Mickey.” 

 “Would you…" She wasn't sure how to do this, "like to talk about it?”

 You looked around the hallway. “You’re office still available?” She nodded. You allowed her to lead, setting the pace of how fast you walked.

 Rested in the spare office chair in Venable’s office, you yanked your skirt up so you could sit cross-legged in your chair. You rubbed your hands rigorously together trying to warm them up. The fireplace was on the other side of the room. So long to being warm. You settled down when the redhead's attention was comfortably in her chair. She sighed, happy to relieve some of the pain of standing upright. You half-smiled, erasing the smile from your face when her attention is shifted to you. You decided against looking at her, raw emotions relating to your pain and suffering felt different to delivering a snide comment or even your bubbly normal self- as normal as your life has been the last thirty-odd years.

 “Are your having a falling out?”

 “Hmm~” you hummed. Your attention was transfixed on the fireplace. Your hand’s subconsciously rubbing your arm trying to create some heat. It was the first time in the outpost you’d worn something sleeveless. “He just gets on my nerves is all.” The light from the fireplace lit half of your face with its warm orange glow. The shadows enhanced your soft features on your sombre expression. 

 Venable couldn’t help but be transfixed by your beauty under the fireplace’s light. Curled up in her spare office chair, disheartened by the previous day’s events, your attention on to her. Unlike last night, she didn’t mind. She was witnessing a rare beauty, something she had yet to witness before. The chaotic energy of Ms L/N subdued. She knew somewhere in you there was a soft yet less dysfunctional human.

 “Have you ever been in love?” You asked. 

 Venable was taken aback by the question. It was out of nowhere. Unless- where you and Michael a thing? She didn’t think he was your type, or you his. She couldn’t have missed the signs. She would have noticed something like that by now. You barely spent your time together, only a few hours a night if that.

 “Can’t say I have.”

 “You aren’t missing out on much.” You turned further away from her. You were now sitting completely sideways in your chair, huddled up, your head leant up against the backing of the seat. Less of your face was visible. Venable wished you would face her. “It’s a vile feeling. It infects your mind so it’s the only thing you think about.” You continued to rub your hands together. “I thought I was in love once. I wasn’t myself.” Literally.

 “What happened?”

 “The same as everyone else. We had a falling out.” You breathed into your hands hoping your breath would warm you up. “Conflicting morals.”

 “Are you cold?” Venable asked. 

 “Nah, it’s fine.” you turned to look at her face. Her staple stone-cold expression replaced with concern, doe-eyed look. She was simply adorable. Thanks be to the devil that she couldn’t read minds, or you’d be dead.

 'Kill what it wants.’ Michael's words echoed in your mind, ‘Kill Venable.' You couldn't bear the thought of doing such a thing, but you weren't sure siding with Michael was the best. Yes, you were partner's in this whole orchestration of this plan, but did you have to join him in the first place? You had a good life, a girlfriend, a 'family' of sorts, it all seemed fine for years… but it was all a lie. You were living someone else's life- not literally, you were in your body. Your life was written, your experiences and interests weren't yours. You were rewritten. It could only be compared to whatever had happened to Mallory and Coco. You knew the supreme or whoever survived brainwashed them. Coco was never that insufferable. 

  “You can move closer to the fire.” Venable played with the raven skull topper of her cane, twirling it about absentmindedly. 

 “It’s fine.”

 Venable sighed. She didn’t realise you were going to be stubborn. Something compelled her to beckon you closer. The atmosphere for the room was peaceful, the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and your occasional sigh. From the moment you walked in the room smelt of your scent. It was truly intoxicating how everything was about you in that moment. She had everything but your attention. Your mind caught in a dream of the past and of someone who wasn’t her. 

 “Come here.” You looked at her confused. She repeated herself in a more commanding tone. Warily, you shuffled closer. Your fragrance got stronger the closer you got. Venable wondered how even though you were significantly taller than her, you managed to be cute. From the way you dressed, to the way you acted you had her captivated.

 Once by her side, she said, “Sit.” You sat down where you were. She meant on her lap, but this would do for now. “Shuffle closer.” You followed orders. She gently moved your head to lean against her outer thing. She brushed her hand through your hair, untangling some of the notes with her free hand. The other hand still playing with her cane. You went to speak but was hushed by Venable telling you to relax.

 “You're surprising good at this,” you thought aloud.

 “I know how to care for people, I’m not heartless.” Venable continued to run her hand through her hair, taking care not to tug it. “You should dress more appropriately. As much as I like your outfit, it’s not appropriate for winter. Where did you even get this outfit?”

 You shrugged, “Found it.” You moved your head. Venable was bemused by it. “That reminds me. I have a gift.” You leapt up and stuck out your hand. 

 “What is it?”

 “You’ll have to follow me to see.”

 She took your ice-cold hand and allowed you to guide her through the halls she ruled for months now. What could you show her that she hadn’t already seen? If it were a simple material gift, couldn’t you have brought it to her instead of the other way around?

 “I was the main person in charge of fulfilling all your odd requests,” you informed her. “I studied the layout knowing that one day I would have to come here.” You mentioned that the school belonged to an elite boys’ school as she already knew. You added the information she didn’t know. “The boys were all murdered back in 2018 allowing me plenty of time to mess around with the infrastructure. Knowing that I would have to visit this place, I designed a little getaway. I think you’ll like it, it’s the only room with functioning power.”

 Your words explained a few of her questions about you. The main one being how you knew so much about her and what she’s been doing here. You’d help orchestrate it. Unlike Michael who only found out about her rule-breaking here, you’d would have predicted it, only having your suspicions confirmed here.

 She was led to a bookcase in the library. The purples didn’t appreciate literature as much as Venable leaving the room vacant of people. “I knew the library was here, how is this room special?”

 “You’ve clearly never read the great works of… The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump (Unabridged)? What the fuck this?” You looked at the cover. You had expected some post-apocalyptic book there or hell even the holy bible would be funny, but this? “Oh, bless, it wasn’t written by him, I didn’t want him ruining poetry for me too.” You slid your hand where the book was feeling around for a button. Once found you pressed it, opening a secret door. You shoved the book back in its place before allowing the redhead to enter the room ahead of yourself.

 Venable stepped into the darkness, you kept close behind. Only when the door had been sealed had the light switched on.

 Light scattered across the room appearing like little shards of light on the walls and flooring. The chandelier spun slowly moving the light about like a disco ball. The floor was one for dancing in ballrooms. An expensive piano sat in the corner of the room. The room was laid out like an auditorium, a stage at the back with a massive pull-down projector screen. A door was wide open revealing a busted looking generator. You close the door saying, “I was working on that last night, I must have forgotten to close the door.”

 “Is this where you come at night?”

 “No. I’m usually here during the day when I can't sleep.”

 “How often is that?”

 “I haven't even showed you the best part yet.” You ignored her question, dashing to the door beside the generates room. “Open it.”

 Venable did. Instead the room was a desk with three monitors all pointing towards the desk chair. 

 “A computer?”

 “With full internet access.”

 “And that’s good because?”

 “No one’s monitoring it.” You said over her shoulder. “Everything about everything was done online, you can find anything about anyone on there, with no one to stop you.”

 “There would still be passwords-”

 “Oh, look beside the keyboard, a handy book on all the passwords you’d need to any government site. How did that get there?”

 “You want me to use that on Michael?”

 “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m merely giving you the equipment. You can watch cat videos for all I care. However, it may be good for blackmail or getting to know your residents, guests or workers. Again, it’s down to you.” You to stood in silence for a few seconds longer than you should have. You cleared your thought pulling away from the awkward silence. “I could hook up the power to your office if you would like- or bedroom. You can’t mention this room to anyone else, or out there. It’s our little secret. Only we know about its existence or how to get in here.”

 “Why are you showing me this?” Venable asked.

 “I don’t mind your company.” You giggled, “I thought I already established this.”

 You switched from a depressive state to a happy state in what seemed sudden. To be honest, Venable had taken her mind of you briefly to take in the place, she could have missed the build-up.

You lead her to the office chair, so she didn’t need to stand longer than needed. She quietly thanked you.

 You set up the computer for her. You propped yourself up against the arm of the chair, messing with some programs to change the language settings for her. Venable didn’t recognise the language on the monitor. It was nothing like she had ever seen, she would be surprised if it was even from earth. “There. Sorry about that, I should have prepped it for you before I brought you here, but I was way too excited to show you.”

 “It’s no problem Y/N. The fact that your showing me this at all, astounds me.” Your eyes light up at the mention of your first name. She remembered- and even chose to call you that.

 You chuckled. You went to move off the chair when two hands wrapped around your waist tugging you forward. You collapsed into Venable’s lap, “V?”

 “Yes, Y/N?”

 “What are you doing?”

 “If I recall correctly, you were cold earlier. I’m simply trying to warm you up.”

 “Isn’t that usually done naked?”

 Venable froze, “You’re straightforward, aren’t you?”

 “What?” Then it clicked. “Oh~ That’s not what I meant.” Venable didn’t believe you. “I wouldn’t refuse if you wanted to do that,” You said.

 “Maybe another time.” She used your own trick against you.

 “No, that’s no fair~” you whined, playfully hitting Venable.

 “You had your chance tonight.”

 “You’re torture.”

 “I know.”

The link first chapter to the prequel if you want it.

or

Link to next chapter

[hoodie-lover]

My Multiverse Ask Event! #4

KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - First, Second, Third Megalovaniaintensifies - Archive of Our Own - Fourth KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Fifth, Sixth, Seventh Megalovaniaintensifies - Archive of Our Own - Eighth KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Ninth Megalovaniaintensifies - Archive of Our Own - Tenth, Eleventh KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Twelfth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth Megalovaniaintensifies - Archive of Our Own - Fifteenth, Sixteenth KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Seventeenth, Eighteenth Megalovaniaintensifies - Archive of Our Own - Nineteenth KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Twentieth, Twenty-First Megalovaniaintensifies - Archive of Our Own - Twenty-Second, Twenty-Third, Twenty-Fourth, Twenty-Fifth KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Twenty-Sixth, Twenty-Seventh, Twenty-Eighth, Twenty-Ninth, Thirtieth Megalovaniaintensifies - Archive of Our Own - Thirty-First, Thirty-Second, Thirty-Third KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Thirty-Fourth, Thirty-Fifth Glorious_Smut - Archive of Our Own - Thirty-Sixth KikiTheSapphireKitsune - Archive of Our Own - Thirty-Seventh, Thirty-Eighth, Thirty-Ninth

Error managed to get into the Creator Realm, he brought the gang with him and they were looking for Maxie and her friends. Though that implied the creators wouldn’t find them first, which they did. 

“Hello, hello, hello!” Maxie said, wrapping her arms around Error as he glitched and screamed. 

“LET ME GO!” He screamed, and Maxie let him go with a pout. 

“So, as Kiki said, we will be inhibiting your quest! Trials and tribulations to test how much you have actually grown to see if you actually deserve to know. Also we’re bored and want to mess with you.” Maxie said, and Error facepalmed. 

“So, what do you want us to do?” Nightmare said, growling. 

“Please Nightmare, nowadays your bark is worse than your bite. Anyway, we have a few obstacle courses, some logic puzzles, some PTSD triggers.” Maxie said, smiling evilly. 

“What…?” Cross said, and Maxie raised an eyebrow. 

“What?” Maxie said, and Cross facepalmed. 

“Oh, no no no, I have only written a story about forest rangers. I would never torture Error. I am usually the one hissing in the comments to punish anyone who does hurt Error, I wish the hissing thing was a joke. Nightmare would kill me if I hurt Error, right? Getting killed by my second favorite Sans for hurting my first favorite Sans is not on my list pal.”

“Well, it seems we have a good noodle. Truly a rare find.” Error said, and Cross snickered. 

“One, I’m flattered that you like me. Second, I’m glad you fear me.” Nightmare said, looking around for the voice.

“You won’t see them, from here on out, you’re in a little playground my friends and I made. Good luck.” Maxie said, snicking. 

“Oh dear, guys, watch out the voices are planning to get the askers to mess with your search. They wanna draw this out so take any hints we give with a grain of salt. I'd start by looking at what Error is ẁ̵̡̼e̷̪̿à̸̩r̴̜͗i̸̛̦̗n̶͕̄ǵ̶̲, not many Sans with both a j̷͕͕̈́͂a̸̹̓ċ̵̲k̵̳͈̓̆ȇ̵̟̎ṭ̶̯̈́ ̵̨̺͋a̵̜͝n̵̠͋d̸͙͝ ̷͖̇͊s̵̢̟̑c̷̦̜̐͠a̸̦̘͗̎r̶̪̣͛f̵̰̄̾.”

“I think you guys are being censored. And I think we know who.” Error said, glaring at Maxie as she whistled. 

“So any other possible relationships in the making? come on my gloomy boys feed me gossip!”

“None over on our end. Though Swap!fell has a crush on Blue, and Red is territorial. We’re waiting for the brawl.” Killer said, chuckling at the thought. 

“sanses and the one or two AU papyruses when you try to stop the human at the judgment hall why not stop at the soul room to get near god power”

“Doesn’t matter. They would still beat us. We would have six, and the human has beat the photoshop abomination.” Sans said, and the others nodded. They had come over for a quick hang out.

“Ok my little Horror, aka my third fav, how good a cook are you? Like we talkin Gordon Ramsey of skeletons or what? Also are you aware you are a cute little bean?”

“I love Gordan Ramsey! He’s awesome! He has no qualms about yelling at people for their awful crimes against food. And I am aware, trust me, I know how to use it.” Horror said, winking. 

“May I hug all the dark sanses or would that cross a line? You all deserve all the love the megaverse can give you. I know what it feels like to be trapped, alone, and hurt in so many ways, I know what it is like to feel out of option and angry. You don't deserve that, despite everything you are all wonderful.”

“I’d love a hug!” Cross said and felt the hug, though no presence was seen. 

“Can I have a hug?” Horror asked and was given a hug.

“I’m good.” Killer said, and everyone else nodded. 

“Oh guys there are so many people who have written lyrics for your song megalovania. They can be quite good. I have only ever played the pacifist route myself and can't bring myself to watch an actual playthrough cause I can't watch my beloved monster friends get killed, but it is a catchy song. Have you guys seen any of them yet? Also I think you will like this fan song a lot https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtCBLvAw4ZY&t=71s”

“What the fuck?” Killer said, nearly everyone had the same reaction.

“I liked it.” Cross said, humming the tune.

“papyrus how does your special attack work like if the annoying dog didn't take it”

“It’s just a blaster. Though it would be much friendlier than Sans’.” Papyrus said with a shrug.

“Can I also hug Blueberry? He is my fourth favorite.”

“Absolutely! I love hugs!” Blue said and felt the hug as he smiled. 

“You voices are weird.” Stretch said, lighting another cigarette.

“No more. That’s your third, I’ll burn the pack if you smoke another.” Blue said and Stretch groaned. 

“flowey if you really think its fun watching human kill everyone why do you beg for mercy if you act like you dont care ps if u wanna murder human kill toriel first.”

“I don’t beg! I was just scared at first and knew I couldn’t break the script! And in case you didn’t hear, I have literally done everything.” Flowey said, rolling his eyes. 

“to annoying dog sorry to papyrus in advance please follow papyrus all day while playing dogsong and steal all his bones  ps im glad ink didn't murder you”

The annoying dog yipped, he was glad he wasn’t murdered too. He kicked his stumpy legs and wagged his tail as he flew off to Papyrus, who had a feeling of foreboding and anxiety.

“YOU STUPID CANINE!” Papyrus declared as he tried to run while missing his femur. The dog smiled as the song echoed through the Underground and the dog smiled an innocent smile. 

“So here is a question to the Sans personality types, why do you lie to your brother about their food? You're not helping them, it would be far kinder to be honest and help them learn to be better. Someday they are likely to meet someone who will not let them down gently and will hurt them.”

“Implying we can. They either run out the door before we can talk or we have to try talking over them.” Sans said.

“Impossible in many AUs, plus, it’s actually good half the time.” Outer said, and Red nodded, glaring at Swapfell as he was ogling Blue from a distance. 

“Dream, what is it like being with your brother again? How is your guys brotherly bond affected by well everything that happened?”

“It’s awesome. We have fun and prank some unsuspecting Sanses every now and then. As people seem to forget for the longest time, we were mistaken for fey. And we didn’t help those accusations.” Dream said, “Though we never hurt anyone. Just harmless things like a pie going missing or flowers vanishing into thin air.” Dream snickered, he was back in the Doodlesphere by this point and reviewing paperwork. 

“Boys how do you feel about Uncle Dreamy?”

“Don’t.” Killer said. 

“No.” Cross said, eyes blank as he shook his head, everyone else was silent as they shook their heads and cringed. 

“frisk how is murdering everyone one fun after all i dont think you enjoy getting repeatedly killed plus since you reset so many times you know everything that happens underground besides there are more things to murder in surface ps you didnt answer if you got to the surface on genocide”

“I like to see the dust fall, them scream in pain, and beg for mercy. It’s cute. And yes, I can murder more things on the surface, but they don’t turn to dust or give the, for lack of a better term, high I need. And I don’t get to the surface, only if I spare everyone do I get there. And before you ask, in neutral runs I’m in a limbo state, have to RESET to leave.” Frisk said, smiling as their eyes glowed red.

“frisk what about napstablook or mad dummy you can't kill either”

“I can kill Glad Dummy, and Napstablook is worthless. I don’t wanna waste my time on them.” Frisk spat, growling as they left the ruins, stepping over Toirel’s dust. 

“You know what is cute? all the baby bones art of you guys. Awww why is every baby sans just so huggable? Ok ok but really baby Error! just picture a tiny baby Error and tell me that shit is not cute.”

“They’re very cute.” Nightmare said.

“But they didn’t show us any.” Killer said and Nightmare froze. 

“Oh.” Error said, and Nightmare turned into a puddle out of shame.

“And payback time, Nightmare, any stories about Dream?”

Springing back to life Nightmare donned a wicked and demonic grin. “Dream didn’t know what a bed was until he was 100. And it took three people to pry him off of it.” Nightmare said. 

“That’s actually sad. How long did you sleep in a tree?” Cross asked and Nightmare whistled. 

“Our whole lives before the apple incident. Up until then we only slept in a bed seven times each.” Nightmare said, and Cross gave him a teary hug.  

“dust how come your a bad guy you were forced to kill everyone your not a bad person if someones a bad person its the human and chara”

“First of all, Chara is only a problem because of Frisk, so they aren’t as guilty as you think. Though they are not innocent. And no one wanted to befriend a killer, sure they like Red, but it’s the culture. And Ink played his cards right so I couldn’t make things worse for him, there’s a reason he didn’t stop Nightmare from helping me.” Dust said, “Same goes for everyone else.” He finished and everyone nodded. 

“Hold on a sec, contacts? How do contacts work with eyelights? I don't understand...”

“Magic.” Error said, and Maxie snickered. 

“So, let’s begin the challenges!” She said and they were separated and thrown into a version of Snowdin.

“Where are we?!” they cried out, looking around but Maxie laughed. 

“Welcome to your first challenge! Can you handle the Star Sanses all by yourself? Only one of you has to win for all of you to proceed, and the battles will be scaled so you are evenly matched.” Maxie’s voice echoed through the area, but she was not seen. 

“Maxie. What are you doing?” Jana asked, accompanied by Beatrice. 

“Having a bit of fun. What are you doing?” Maxie said, smiling innocently. 

“Are you seriously messing with them?” Jana said, shaking her head in disapproval. 

“You didn’t raise any concern when Jack, Zack, and I were talking about our plan. So why are you looking at me like that?” Maxie said, and the two sighed. 

“Because we want to help. But only to an extent.” Jana said, and Maxie was intrigued.

“To what extent I may ask?” Maxie wondered, smiling. 

“If you trigger their PTSD or do anything relating to Ink, we’re out and we will tell them who Error was.” Beatrice said, and Maxie shrugged. 

“Sure. It’s a deal.” She said, holding out her hand as Beatrice shook it. 

“We’re still going to Jack’s for pizza right?” Maxie asked, changing the subject.

“Hell ya. I’m bringing garlic knots.” Beatrice said and Maxie's eyes lit up. 

“Garlic knots!” She held her hands up in joy. 

“Blue most of us saw that Christmas party webcomic already. We know you spiked the eggnog. Why do you always pretend to be so innocent? not that I have much room to talk on that front...”

“I have long admitted to spiking the eggnog at that party. And I haven’t spiked anything since. No one seems to believe me!” Blue said, grumbling as his eyes turned to small broken hearts as tears filled his eyes. 

“Sure.” Stretch said, and Blue glared, some glitches popping up. 

“to sci and alphys is it possible to turn flowey back into asriel.”

“Without 7 human souls, I don’t think we can. We’ve looked into it, just to see if it was possible. He may be ok with staying as Flowey, with the exception of the pacifist run, but others in his situation aren’t. So we looked at his code to see if it was hypothetically possible, and it isn’t.” Sci said, sipping coffee. 

“Yeah, h-honestly, I was h-hoping that we could. I-I regret i-it so much. I-I wanted to see i-if I could help others. B-but this is i-irreversible.” Alphys said, ringing her hands. 

“It broke Toriel and Asgore’s hearts. Though, they would respect Flowey’s wishes if he didn’t want to, he is still a person whose opinions should be listened to. Even if he is a jackass.” Sci said and Alphys nodded. 

“sanses how do you guys stop genocide routes from starting since you said there were very few”

“We don’t. They just stop, and then they start up again. Like wet and dry seasons, only more sporadic.” Classic said.

“Some worlds, like mine, don’t have as many, the way the world works kinda discourages it.” Red said, and Swapfell nodded. 

“frisk what was the strangest interaction you have had with someone in the underground”

“Gaster. He is so mysterious and strange. I wonder what his deal was, but I never can find out. I’ve met his followers and such, but I’ve never heard him speak, and I’m assuming the person I saw was Gaster!” Frisk said, they were somewhere in Snowdin forest, marking down words on their arm. 

☝☜❄ 💧✌☠💧 ❄⚐ ❄✌☹😐 ✌👌⚐🕆❄ 💣🕆☹❄✋✞☜☼💧☜. 

 ❄☟☼☜✌❄☜☠ 🏱✌🏱✡☼🕆💧. 

“so what has been the most dangerous mission the dark sanses have been sent on”

“There was HorrorLustFell.” Nightmare said, “Unaware of what was going to happen, I had Cross deal with it.” 

He was waiting for Maxie to start up her game, and he hoped his boys were doing well.  

“HorrorLustFell.” Cross said, “I took a month-and-a-half break after that to recover.” Cross said, raiding Grillby’s and the shops for armor, supplies, and food.

Everyone gave similar responses.

“Who all is helping with the search? everyone or just the gang?”

“Just us. Everyone knows what we’re doing and they’re willing to help if we need it.” Error said, shrugging as he made himself a swing and began to swing.

“Okay here is one for the classic undertale gang, since they know about the resets and multiverse now. thoughts on this video? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8hGMFQPBDw”

“Sans, do you want to talk?” Papyrus asked, and Sans was gone.

“I knew he had problems, but if someone can deduce that? Wow.” Toriel said, holding her hand over her mouth. 

“We have several therapists available.” Outer said, “The hard part is getting him to see one. And I know I’m a hypocrite.” Outer said, shrugging. 

“You are correct, space Sans.” Papyrus said, “I just wish he could talk about it.” Papyrus said. 

“I mostly wanna see what paps has to say about his brother hiding his mental health problems.”

“I knew he had issues, but I want him to talk to me, I know it’s hard to talk about your mental health problems, but it’s been five years. Though he has suffered far worse than any of us, if the Dark Sanses are anything.” Papyrus said.

“I’m going to stall Frisk, Toriel, you need to get out of here. Frisk will be getting here soon.” Papyrus said and everyone dashed out of the house.

“Have the sans ever had to have an intervention for any of the other sans, like Blueberries alcohol problem?”

“I have no problem first of all. And secondly, we have had to have interventions.” Blue said, “Black had a drug addiction a while back, and we are trying to get Papy to stop or reduce his smoking habits.” Blue said and Stretch sighed. 

“At least I’m working on it.” Stretch said, and Blue nodded. 

“oh i'm just teasing him, cause I love him.”

“Thank you!” Blue said, smiling. 

“frisk has there ever been a timeline in which the annoying dog didn't take the legendary artifact and if it wasn't taken what does the artifact do”

“I have never gotten the artifact.” Frisk said, Papyrus and Sans coming into view.

“to error how much exp did ink get you?”

“Quite a bit. The number escapes me, but it was in the hundreds.” Error said, swinging. 

“flowey at the end of the pacifist timeline you decide to give up the souls and break barrier once the barrier was broken you could have easily murdered more humans and get to be a goat again so why kill a few for their souls?”

“Timelines never last that long, and when I turn back, it leaves an impact on me that makes it hard to be a jerk for a while. Residual effects of being that whiny crybaby.” Flowey said, “And it wouldn’t change anything.” Flowey said, wilting a bit.

“Fresh, tell me about your furby collection? I miss mine. I had 3, they always said they were hungry last at night when I was falling asleep... it was kinda creepy.”

“I have a version of every Furby ever made. 3 is pathetic yo. Though they are demanding and creepy sometimes, I’ll give ya that brah.” Fresh said, looking around as snow fell around him.

“What are you guys doing to find Error's origin anyway?”

“We were going to ask the creators what they knew, since none of Killer, Dust, or Horror’s code could help us and Error’s code is a mess on account of him being a glitch, then we’d go from there, asking questions and making guesses based on what we knew.” Nightmare said, “For all we know Error could be from one of the many neutral timelines, and that wouldn’t pin anything down at all.” Nightmare said. 

“Blue, how do you hide your glitches? That seems like a very hard thing to explain to people you don't want knowing about the multiverse.”

“Dream made a small illusion charm with Sci and Alt’s help that makes me look normal. It’s also pretty!” Blue said as he held up a golden charm in the shape of a blueberry, it was attached to a gold chain that was hidden by his battle body.

“Have the rest of the Sans seen Error in his glasses? I need to see them all squirm at how cute he is!”

“Only Blue and Classic have seen him in his glasses. Other than us of course.” Killer said, “I helped make the frames, and the way his eyes lit up when he could clearly see for the first time, it was the best feeling in the world. I remember taking care of Pap, it felt like that.” Killer said, and he smiled at the memory. 

“How does Dream feel about being an uncle now? Is he a FUN Uncle?”

“I’m not really considered an uncle per say, but I do try to be fun. And it is fun to say that I am technically the Dark Sanses’ uncle, they have the funniest reactions.” Dream said, laughing.

“Error am I embarrassing you too much?”

“Yes.” Error said, still swinging.

(Tumblr, I need asks from you guys too.)

Next

Previous

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 13

wow i’m really out of it tonight lmao uh some highlights bc these r rlly atrocious:

adam shit himself and vomited over the dwarf in our basement

fought some ppl n killed; gotta hide six bodies

pregame !

Jacob n dom r talking abt other dnd campaigns

Jacob rigged explosives somewhere

They need souls to open coffins or smth

I REALIZED MY MIC IS MUTED SO THEY CAN’T HEAR ME SING THE GOLDEN GIRLS THEME SONG THE WAY MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER DOES HAHAHAHHAHA

Thank you for being a friend

Bum bum bum bum

Travel round the world and back again

If the truth be told you’re a friend and a confidant

Etc

Jacob explaining his eye scratch

I’m just sitting here singing the golden girls theme song

Tunnel vision in smash

I’m just renegading while they talk smash

Jacob wants to home alone our house the next night we have

Immovable rod is abt 3ft long

Last time on dnd asyna heard a window break

Roll initiative

Aerana and theo roll 22

Asyna rolls 21

Adam 13

Cel 6

Asyna was waking everyone up

Halfling size ballista ? In our turret ? Maybe

Ooh trebuchet is an interesting sans font

Aerana is going first

Double dash downstairs

You hear stuff on the first floor making noise; you and theo get to the second floor about to go downstairs

Theo in master bedroom double dashes towards where I am

Asyna

In watchtower, asyna's gonna try and do stuff from above ? Maybe .

Proposes turning into a hummingbird

Spike growth ? Grows spikes

Also creates rough terrain

In front of the door

Oop they're speaking goblin

Goblins

2d4 damage for each 5 ft they move

Some of them were able to get inside the house but still slowed down

Adam

Will cast cantrip

Thaumaturgy to boom voice 3x louder than normal "WHO DARES ENTER MY HOUSE PLEASE LEAVE WITHIN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS AND YOU WILL BE SPARED ,,, PLEASE"

Intimidation check

Lmao a 7

Entire house booms; everyone heard it but like effect?

Adam sleeps naked

Cel

Right in front of door to hall on second floor

Aerana

2 squares away from action at back of house

Theo

Also goes for pantry, same place generally as aerana

Asyna

Starts downstairs

Gonna turn into ape and try and make way down side of building as ape

Down p much by next turn

Goblins

Apparently being eaten up by spikes

Should I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'm kinda craving

O shoot I gotta run soon for medicine

Adam

Dashing

This is just slow running in a dream

Cel

Base of stairs ?

Also heading towards pantry

Aerana

Bust in

Momentarily frozen

To the right next to basement hatch r two hulking figures covered in thick dark fur; kinda pointy ears, look kind of like goblins and v tall like easily 7ft

Big mauls

Bugbears

Can I fight?

23 to hit, 7 damage to closest one

The goblins trying to move the thing but not working well

Theo

I'M GONNA RUN TO GRAB MY MEDS

Slashes at the one aerana didn't hit lmao I rlly just did that I'm breathing

15 barely misses

Goblin blocks lillian's strike

Asyna

Srsly should I make a sandwich

On first floor outside

Bro my headache went to the other side of my head wtf

Gonna go through a window

Follows them in and attacks a bunch of them

Bro I kinda rlly want a sandwich

17 and 18 to hit, 6 and 4 damage ?? 10 damage ?? 10 damage for both ??

KILLS BOTH OF THEM N I C E

Bashes their heads together

I'm making a sandwich

"it's a very forceful kiss"

Third one readies self

Lashes out at asyna, misses

Goblins

R also gonna try and attack aerana and theo

12 damage to theo

I'm eating my sandwich

One of the middle ones is gonna go for asyna, hits, 5 damage

That was a good sandwich might get another one

Adam

Bro I kinda want another sandwich

Gets downstairs w max speed and peeks in, sees aerana and theo and two dead guys by window and two more living fighting an ape

Looks at theo

Bro again I kinda want another sandwich

Makes the one that hit theo make a wisdom saving throw

Did not make it, hideous laughter

Mans can't stop laughing, has to make wisdom saving throw each turn ig

Adam has to tell a joke

Comes down and looks at bugbear, locks eyes

Our party walks into a bar . But most of us walk under it

What

Is this a short joke ?

I don't get it yikes

Panicked dom laughing

Tells us to not hit the guy laughing; save him for last

Bonus action uses cutting words on the one aerana is fighting; "fuck you"

Cel

I still kinda want another sandwich

To clarify my sandwich was like half

I think yesterday or smth I like hit my foot lol and I did the thing where I compose myself rlly quickly to ignore the pain and up my pain tolerance and it left a mark but like it literally doesn't hurt so not saying I'm upping my pain tolerance but one day if I ever got like idk shot or smth I'm not gonna have a reaction

Cel hits the one that's doing better w a spell and then does shortbow 25 to hit, 12 damage

"how do you want to do this?"

Takes an arrow right through his brainstem and the arrowhead goes out his mouth

Aerana

Wasted insightful fighting, didn't hit

Scream of frustration that I missed

Theo

Takes bow and tries to hit, 13 misses

Asyna

Do I rlly still want another sandwich

Hm

Hits on one roll, 7 damage

Guy is barely alive

Goblins

One that tries to attack aerana misses, guy on ground is now up, guy attacking asyna hits, 11 damage

Adam

Cutting words on guy that just got up "oh you're finally awake"

"ever heard of the one where the guy got back up"

Goblin rolls nat20

Cel

22 to hit, 9 damage

Stabs him, hurts

Aerana

13

"next time remember it"

If an ally is within 5 ft of you you get sneak attack

If u have advantage

Don't need advantage if another enemy of the target is within 5 ft of it

Start over

When rogues have advantage, get to add sneak attack

Can add sneak attack when u don't have advantage if

One of allies is within 5 ft of you

And if u don't have disadvantage

Theo

Gonna try for the bow again

Going for the one asyna's fighting

8 damage

Guy is on last legs

Asyna

Kills

Fun fact apes have been known to rip off the faces of their enemies

Rips face off then gently puts him down

Still two goblins left

Goblins

Try and run

Attacks of opportunity from celandine, theo and aerana

Nat20 from cel

Theo and aerana miss

I've missed like every hit what is this

14 damage from cel

They're still able to get away

Asyna makes attack of opportunity

I still kinda want another saaaandwich

Neither hit

Adam

33 across board for both for sleep; both fall over and hit ground, asleep

Adam goes outside and looks if anyone is watching outside their window

Looks like one of our neighbors is at their window out of the apothecary

Uses infernal legacy to cast darkness, blocking their darkvision

Puts it between fallah's house and bodies

Then drag the bodies

Adam is kinda sweaty n exerted

Aerana is watching ot, asyna takes one body cel adam and theo take the other

Theo is rolling damage

Cel binds their feet first and adam prepares sleep

Theo rolls 13 damage and one dies, other 15 and also dies

Why is my eye glitching lmao

Maybe I still want a sandwich

What time do I need to be up tomorrow wait

Idk lmao

We've brought our bodies in, the night is ours

It's 10ish at night

Adam's gonna sleep in jeans

Adam was not naked in combat ?

Or maybe he was

Adam doesn't wear pajamas so he had pants

Sleeping downstairs shifts for the night

Adam takes first shift

Adam is sweating a lot, feeling a little odd; feels super weak and cold and feels a little sick like he might throw up

Constitution saving throw

"can I feel this coming and give myself bardic inspiration?"

"uh . Sure"

"hold it in hold it in hold it in"

Check to see if he can make it to the bathroom

"boi that's just nasty" adam wakes up someone ? Adam

Adam wakes theo up

"you must be real glad I'm wearing pants right now"

Rolls nat1

Adam vomits onto theo ? Vomits into theo's cloak

Adam becomes violently ill

The key eventually comes out the butt

A 4

Able to makes way down hatch towards bucket by ot

Vomits on ot

"ot is, like, weeping"

Adam is weakened

So adam shit and hurled

Adam stomps it down the drain ?

Next morning

Adam comes down with the key

Adam's exhaustion is cured after long rest

We're not talking to adam today

Adam sets key on table "did you wash that first" theo / adam slowly takes key back

Adam casts sleep on ot to kind of relieve him

Cel goes to jones, one of the goblins informs cel that jones is out ,,, just out

Cel can't find jones

Home alone-ing the house now ?

Aerana

House was in state of disrepair before

Spike spell tore up front of house, lots of windows knocked out from fireball explosion and were damaged during fight

Bad to a little bit worse

Theo 20 for investigation

Random ropes and bricks, nails, wooden planks

Intelligence check w advantage

19, sets up a few different traps; two swinging brick traps when a door is opened + simple nails stuck into plank so would hurt if someone stepped on it

Asyna 9 for investigation

Cel sees jones putting a bunch of keys into the lock

Jones can't find the key to open his door

Jones is maybe gonna get some stooges to remove the bodies

10 dragons

Henrietta is gonna dump em

Astigmatism lmao

Back at the manor

Adam is done cleaning

Ot asked if he could be set free, adam says "this is my fault, I got it buddy"

Adam is going to the apothecary down the street

Walks up to counter, fallah is there

"heyo what's poppin fallah"

Takes out potion of necrotic resistance

Adam says he bought it at sea ward, roll for deception; 12

Why am I sO LETHARGIC ALL THE TIME !!!

Offers adam 50 gold

Pushes for 60, 10 for persuasion check

Just takes it for 50

Fallah gives medicine, smells like oregano

Adam goes in for a hug, hesitates then retracts

Goes to bardic school to talk to master

Yava is there

12 insight check

Yava is usually v composed but today

Yava is an elf so is like bruh wdym u trust me after knowing me for like a month

Asks abt house security

Adam just straight up tells her he's in trouble w the xanathar guild and is asking for glyph of warning spells ?

Persuasion check, gives self bardic inspiration

11, yava agrees to help

She's willing to do it for free

Can cover 8 entrances to the house

"I'd b willing to do this but adam u must b more careful"

Adam tells her he's dealing w a large sum of money - half a million dragons

There was half a million dragons embezzled ?

Yava thought it was just a rumor

Adam is idiot

Adam asks yava if she wants in

Idiot

[sunsetsover]

Talk about yesterdays episode.. tell me everything you enjoyed in detail lol.

first of all lemme just say i’m SO SORRY this took me so long to get to i know i said i’d answer this like last sunday but sometimes shit happens!!! but you asked for me to go into detail so i very much went into detail so!!! buckle in!!!

i’m doing this in bulletpoints for clarity otherwise it will just be an incoherent mess lmao

(also for reference this is abt the 8th nov ep aka the ‘you’re my boyfriend’ ep!)

ok so let me preface by saying i fuckin adored this ep it’s like god tier for me rn i love ben and pam’s relationship so mf much i hope she comes back soon

like the fact that she just knew!! she knew smth was going on w callum and ben more or less straight away and ok granted those two were not exactly being subtle what with the domestic they were having in the middle of the albert but u know... for all she knew callum was straight and had just broken up w whitney so the fact that she knows ben well enough to just be able to Know smth was goin on despite all of that?? i love that it says so much abt their relationship!!

and then her being the nan that she is and taking it upon herself to fish for information with jay like ‘callum seems nice.... shame abt whitney 👀’ and then jay covering for their asses by not saying anything but pam is Not Stupid and jay was also tellingly vague so she was instantly like i see 👀👀

and then ben entering the parlour shouting about ‘bring out your dead’ or w/e it is he says like the little shit he is and pam rolling her eyes and just the easy affection of that whole interaction like her gently slapping his face and calling him a little devil like ur damn right he is!! almost literally!! but there’s sm overt affection and love there and it’s so nice to see bc ben doesn’t really get that from anyone else (he does from callum now, and jay in certain situations, but it’s just different u know?? like u dont even see that energy from his own mum v often so it’s just... nice to see idk)

like i just love her she has such nan energy and it’s so comforting and warm and she needs to be around forever not just for ben but for jay and lola and also callum like ? pls come back forever pam

ben innocently trying to help callum out by getting him promoted to manager when he hears jay is gonna take a step back like!! he was really just tryna help bc he knew callum was struggling w money... and alright, he probably shouldn’t have meddled and i get why callum wasn’t happy abt it (i’ll get to that) but i also truly believe that that wasn’t him tryna control the situation or interfere or whatever but him genuinely trying to help out his bf and jay was gonna take a step back anyway so it wasn’t even like he was the one to suggest it or anything idk i just thought as misguided as it might have been it was very sweet and thoughtful

also the fact that ben’s reaction to jay being like ‘i suppose callum could be ready to be a manager’ was basically ‘yeah man have you seen him in that suit!!! he makes my dick hard!!!’ like !!!!!!! he was so sincere and enthusiastic as well like he’s fucking diabolical i love him sm ..... pair that with jay’s reaction basically just being like ‘........................ anyways’ sdkfjsdkfsl iconic scene

and then later!!!! you’ve got ben practically chasing callum into the parlour when he sees him go in there!! he’s so excited to see callum and tell him the good news abt the promotion!! bc he’s done good!!! he’s helping!!! bc he knows damn well he’s in the doghouse bc of what had happened with pam and like the energy he radiated when he walked into that parlour was very much ‘i am coming to u w my tail between my legs bc i know i fucked up but instead of saying sorry i’m going to give u the sad eyes and hope u relent’ and like u can see he was practically buzzing out of his skin as he waited for jay to tell him abt the promotion and he’s looking at callum like ‘look! look at what i did!! i’m fixing it! i’m making up for my mistake!’ bc this is obviously how he thinks he can fix things instead of idk having a conversation and talking abt things but!!! i love it ben’s so cute

but ofc it backfires bc callum doesn’t want ben to fix things!! he doesn’t need ben fixing things!! he can look after himself! and we the audience know it wasn’t like ben went to jay and was like ‘you need to promote callum bc he’s struggling with money’, it was more of a two birds one stone situation. but ofc callum doesn’t know that, and it comes across very much as ben meddling and also - as callum says - very hot and cold. like ben can’t tell pam abt their relationship and will ignore him for hours but will (seemingly) wade in like some kind of knight in shining armour bc callum said he’s having money troubles? nah. i said it at the time but i completely agree w callum’s reaction, i would have reacted the same way if i were him. and maybe on any other day callum wouldn’t have reacted so strongly, but after what had happened that morning w pam it’s completely understandable why he goes off on one.

and like poor ben is so confused like he obviously really thought this would be good news and put him back in callum’s good graces but ofc it doesn’t bc what callum needed was an explanation and apology. and you can see how confused and crestfallen he is bc he doesn’t want to fight w callum and he really didn’t want to make things worse but he evidently has and not only that but jay is there witnessing his massive fuck up in action. and u can just tell from the body language that he straight up doesn’t know what to do or say so he’s just kinda floundering bc he really thought he could fix what had happened with pam bc what? he half talked jay into giving callum a promotion? bless him lmao

then he goes full grovel mode - even if he is still very ben about it - and is leaving him voicemails (meaning he’s tried to call him multiple times, he probably tried texting too lmao) and moping abt in the cafe looking all sad and stressed and it’s just so good bc he knows he fucked up and he’s trying not to let it fester which is a v good and v adult thing to do. plus the juxtaposition of ben being like ‘u know ur gonna forgive me so stop being a diva and call me back’ and then that soft little ‘please 🥺’ tacked on the end??? delicious

and then pam walking up to him and standing there and just sighing. like not a word, she just stands there and sighs like dkjfkjsdkfjlsdkf mood !!

no but ok that whole scene of ben and pam in the cafe really had me welling up like just. everything about it. the layers to it all. and i won’t sit here and dissect every little thing even tho i probably could bc we’d be here all day but like just. all of it.

like pam’s exasperation at ben not telling her about him and callum (bc obviously she’s found out from someone - probably honey, who wouldn’t think to lie abt it if pam asked outright), ben not even being marginally surprised that she knows bc even he must know how obvious he’s been, and she was bound to find out from someone. the fact that he jumped when she raised her voice and pointed at him - i could make a whole separate post about that honestly that just. says so much about ben. but yh.... the fact that she knew without him even having to open his mouth that ben was gonna say it was to spare her feelings (like that’s essentially what he says to callum later in the ep). the fact that he didn’t really have a good excuse to offer her and he knew that. his sad little face and the fact that he made himself smaller and ducked his head like just his body language in general (max bowden is SO good at playing on that shit, he has a way of making ben seem physically smaller in certain situations and i love it sm). ben being like ‘idk i thought it’d be easier’ and pam immediately being like ‘yeah for u not callum!!!’ like the ‘u silly boy!!’ was so heavily implied throughout this whole scene u can practically taste it.

and pam! pam manages to effectively have a go at ben and call him out on his shit without belittling him or being cruel or nasty (and no naming names but like. certain mothers could learn a thing or two 👀) and actually have ben listen to her. because she listens to him and hears him and respects and loves him and he respects and loves her so she can have a go at him and his back won’t go up and he won’t lash out because he knows she’s not going to try and hurt him or be unnecessarily harsh. and that’s why their relationship is so special. also i’m still v bitter abt the way kathy handled calling out ben’s shit as opposed to how pam handled it but 🤷🏻‍♀️

like it’s such a little thing but it’s the way she waited for ben to speak. ben said ‘i didn’t-’ and then cut himself off, obviously either struggling to find the right words or struggling to say them out loud, and she just waited for him. waited for him to find the words, to figure out how to say it. she didn’t rush him or try and put words in his mouth or anything, she just sat there quietly, patiently waiting for ben to explain himself in his own time. that is the difference between her and everyone else, and that’s why ben listens to her. because she listens to him - and i mean really, actually listens rather than just hearing the sound of his voice ygm

and then they get too the root of it all: paul. he says he didn’t want pam thinking he’d forgotten paul - which is only half true, imo. i think he was (and maybe still is) just as scared that he’s going to forget paul. i think he has a lot of unaddressed issues when it comes to paul and what happened in general. and i think he definitely needed permission specifically from les and/or pam that it was ok for him to move on now - bc other ppl have tried to tell him that but u can tell from how he’s reacted in the past that he doesn’t like ppl who didn’t really know paul talking abt what he would or wouldn’t want. but pam did know paul, probably better than anyone. and she’s telling him that it’s ok. that she wants him to be happy, and that’s exactly what paul would want too. and she would know - she’s his nan. so ben can allow himself to listen to her. he trusts her, trusts that she would know what paul would want, how he would feel. and now he has permission to let go of the past a little bit and finally start moving on.

and that’s hard!! like as much as he might like callum, that’s still a hard thing to do for him!! you can see on his face that it’s hard for him to digest and accept what pam’s telling him - that maybe it’s finally time to let go. it’s just as hard for him to confess that yeah, he does care about callum - he gives her the tiniest nod of the head because he can hardly even bring himself to say it, but he can’t deny it either. and it’s hard for pam too, is the thing. you can from the way her voice shakes as she tells him it’s time to start showing callum that he cares how hard she’s trying not to cry. not because she’s not being sincere, not bc she doesn’t mean it or she doesn’t want ben to move on and be happy, but it’s still a hard thing. the world has moved on without paul, and now ben - the last link to him in a lot of ways - is too, and as necessary and as good as that is for him, it doesn’t make it any easier for them. grief is a weird and difficult thing and i think they both did a good job of portraying the struggle of it in this scene.

and then them having this moment right at the end at the end where they’re just smiling at each other w their heads rested together and it’s not an easy thing and they’re both obviously a bit upset and broken but it’s so sincere and warm and she just pulls him in and kisses his head and he just lets himself be comforted by her and by this point i had a big lump in my chest bc it was a very real and important and sweet moment and i was a lil overwhelmed

the tiny mick and callum scene!! i want more of them!!! we haven’t had a proper mick and callum scene since before the wedding i think and i know realistically it’s bc danny dyer has been doin other stuff and hasn’t been filming much and then when he has been filming obv the focus has been on the ollie/linda stuff but!! i miss them and it was so good to see them acknowledge that they haven’t seen each other much and for mick to acknowledge callum’s relationship w ben (calling it ‘matters of the heart’ 🥺️) it was just Good i love their relationship sm and i miss them and i need more!!

mick being so happy to see pam was just !!!!!!!!!! like everyone loves pam!!!!!!! please can she come back and stay forever pls

ben’s face when he tried to approach callum only for callum to turn his back on him like that boy was CRUSHED and he didn’t know what to do like he just stood there for a moment unsure what to do w himself and it was Gud

the shot of callum drinking his beer looking all mopey and dejected with ben staring at the back of his head obviously pining even if he wasn’t in focus and then pam telling ben to basically get his shit together and fix this and practically shoving him towards callum while ben’s lookin like he’s trying to psych himself up and mick’s just there looking between all of them trying to figure the whole thing out??? high art

ben approaching callum looking visibly nervous and out of his depth... and then callum seeming genuinely surprised that ben had come over... bye

the fact that the first thing ben said was ‘i’m sorry’!!! ben saying he understands why callum flipped out the way he did!!! callum saying he understands that ben was just trying to help!!!! ben acknowledging that callum is hurt and upset and then explaining why he did what he did and how he felt but still acknowledging that he hurt callum!!! the fucking communication!!!!!!!! like honestly it hasn’t been smooth sailing for these two so far but they always seem to be surprisingly good at communicating and talking when smth is going wrong, at least after the fact (esp ben) and i LOVE that it’s so healthy!!

callum doing the very callum thing and being like ‘it’s fine, i get it’ even tho he’s clearly still upset bc he doesn’t wanna rock the boat but then ben being like ‘no, it’s not fine! what i did is not fine! you don’t have the pretend that it is!’ and callum seeming lowkey taken aback by that :-(

(pam and mick just watching on in the background of all of this like the pseudo parents they are like honestly??? maybe the best part of the scene LMAO)

that little bit of nervousness before ben says ‘you’re my boyfriend’ like he said it in a very sure way but you could tell he was nervous bless him... and then the way callum’s face lit up but he tried to hide it and not smile and play it cool with his ‘you’ve never called me that before’ but then it cuts back to ben who has the biggest smile on his face but u can tell he’s tryna suppress it a lil too but failing miserably AND THEN shy ben makes an appearance w his little ‘well you are, aren’t ya?’ like he just wants to be sure!! he wants to ask so callum has the opportunity to say no (though judging by both of their faces he knew callum wasn’t gonna say no lmao) but he’s still ben so he’s gotta ask in this roundabout way... man it’s so cute

combine that with callum’s little pout and squint like he was pretending he really had to think abt it and the tone of his little ‘yeah’ like he was like ‘i suppose so’.... the subtle banter of it all i love it.... but he can’t keep it up for long bc then he’s the one with a massive smile on his face like bro... the sun doesn’t even shine that bright

and then ben’s little disbelieving ‘yeah?’ like he had to make sure :-(

AND JUST PAM AND MICK BEING LIKE AWWW WHEN THEY KISSED AND MICK BEING LIKE ‘HOW LOVELY’ AND JUST STANDING THERE SMILING AT THEM IT TOOK ME OUT FR

ben asking callum if he’s happy and callum tapping ben’s chin and telling him he is...................... the two of them looking at each other Like That....... talented brilliant incredible amazing etc

pam being like ‘my work here is done’ i love HER

ben making a point of being like ‘pam i want you to meet my boyfriend’ he’s so fuckin cute i love him

the whole pam and callum exchange from the hug to her holding his hand and telling him how lucky he is to have ben and then telling callum that ben has the biggest heart of anyone she knows but saying it to ben bc she knows he needs to hear that too bc like... when has anyone EVER said that about ben?? when has anyone ever thought that about ben?? but she sees through all the bullshit and sees him for the kind, soft-hearted, loving but equally damaged boy he really is and she wants callum to know and understand that but also for ben to know that too and i’m crying just thinking about it bc you can see ben’s face change and how emotional he starts to get not only bc it’s pam and everything that must be going through his head abt paul, but also just?? someone being kind to him?? saying smth nice?? god i’m broken

like pam really almost had me in tears in this scene genuinely esp when she was clearly getting emotional (as was ben) and she took both of their hands and told them to look after each other, given everything that happened with paul, and them both saying ‘we will’.... like that really fucked me up.... it felt like a Moment.... and then follow that up w pam and ben resting their heads against each other and whispering ‘i love you’ and it was so warm and full of love and adoration .... the ‘i hate goodbyes’.... the palm kiss.... the fact that ben looked like he was abt to cry as pam left... i was a broken woman truly

and then they just went on as if nothing happened and they didn’t just have a very significant relationship moment with the ‘i am lucky’ ‘i’m glad you realize it’ banter lmao

ben being like ‘u have the support of ur boyfriend 🥰️’ when callum was explaining he wanted to leave the parlour like he really couldn’t keep that word out of his mouth huh 🥺️

and the way he grabbed callum’s hand but only managed to get 3 fingers and then callum putting his hand on top of ben’s like for some reason that really fucked me up......... like gays and hands am i right

the journey ben’s face went on when callum told him he wanted to join the police.... the way it went from ‘haha good joke’ to ‘..................... wait he’s being serious’ to ‘oh god what the fuck’ was amazing lmao

and then him interrupting jay and lola w his massive dramatic freak out was so fucking funny like the way jay just shoved lola off his lap when ben come in KILLED me honestly and like ben’s on the verge of a breakdown and his brother and the mother of his child are just taking the piss and laughing at his expense.......... i love family

yeah so perhaps i went a bit overboard w this one but i did make you wait like a week and a half so perhaps this will make up for it lmao ??? but rlly tho i loved this ep sm there was so much good abt it and i want to keep pam forever thank u for ur time 💖💖

[etlunainmorte]

🖤 I See My Future Before Me 🖤

***

***

You had to do it. You had no idea how long you would last, so, it’s all, or nothing. After all, you’re about to face the Dreadnought in a few hours. You had to really do it, before anything bad befall you.

You saw him there, standing outside of the van, calmly reading his beloved William Blake anthology. He was alone, and it was a perfect timing.

You inhaled deeply, actually expecting for the worse. Even despite your friend Nico’s reassurance that everything would turn out fine, you just could not shake off the foreboding feeling that this insane idea would end up with disastrous results.

But, then, you’re here with him now. There’s no use turning back.

And as he turned his gaze towards you in an acknowledgement of your greeting, you felt your heart do flips in erratic beats.

“How can I help you?” He said, ever so polite and well - mannered.

“I, uhh,…” You muttered. There’s at least one moment in your life when you just could not stop stuttering. And of all those times, why would you do it in front of the poet, of all people?! “I wanted to tell you something.”

“Go on.” He said quietly as he looked back at the pages of Blake’s illustrations. He may have allowed you to speak, but he sure didn’t look like he wanted to listen to you. Odd.

And this made your confidence plummet to the ground.

“I just wanted to say,… uhh,… thank you. For saving me earlier.”

“I always come when I can to help those in need.” He simply answered.

Your chest felt heavier, your breathing more labored. Your lips trembled as you tried to say the words,…

“You are such a good person, and I,… I really like you,… for that,…”

He was not looking up from his book. Was he even listening to you?

You took what courage and little confidence you had left and decided to pour everything out of your bursting chest.

“What I mean to say is, I really, really like you, V. I just thought I should let you know before,…” There! You finally said the words. But, before you could even begin to say the word ‘Dreadnought’, he looked up from his book with a smile on his lips.

That smile! Was Nico right, all along? That he’s, indeed, interested in you, as well? Were your efforts finally being paid off?

But, wait. That’s not his regular, charming smile. It was more like a,… smirk? A grin? Something felt really off with the look he’s giving you right now. Was it,… pity?

He left his spot and went slowly towards you, swinging his cane playfully.

“Those words you just uttered, were you certain about them?” He asked you, that strange smile still on his lips.

“Sorry?”

He just chuckled, like he was making fun of a child.

“Those feelings you have for me, I’m afraid we do not share them mutually.” He simply said without any difficulty.

As if breaking hearts was not foreign to him.

Well, you expected this all along. You forced a smile on your lips despite the crushing sensation you could feel in your chest.

“I see. Well, I just wanted you to know - ”

“But, that was not enough for you, yes?” Using his cane, he made you look up to him, propping your chin up to properly meet his piercing gaze. “You said I’m a good person, if I got it correctly.”

“Y-yes.”

“Then, I do feel obliged to tell you that I’ am not the person you seem to know. I’ am neither a good person, nor a hero you consider. In fact, I’ am the villain of your story.”

“V?” You said helplessly, confusion and sadness taking over.

“And I, may I add, only helped you because you seem so,… useless. Why would you even take up this massive commission in the first place? You are not as half as strong as the weakest Devil Hunter here to begin with. You are just a weak human who relies on others for survival.”

“I’m,…” You wanted to point out that he was totally wrong, that you had your own reasons for fighting this massive war, and that you did not come here unprepared. You just had to keep some,… secrets.

Unfortunately for you, you did not choose to divulge those things to others, save for Nico, your friend since childhood, and Dante, your current boss. It was partly one of the things that made you seem weak in front of others.

And he surely didn’t know your own reason for doing all of those, even though the pain you felt hiding all those things kept on piling up, higher and higher, until you could no longer contain the sadness.

Until you could no longer contain the tears of frustration and heartbreak.

And he didn’t stop there despite seeing the tears in your eyes.

It seemed like breaking your heart was not enough.

“You would only become a burden. I suggest you leave this place even before the first signs of the enemy.” He said, finally letting your chin go. He was about to walk away when he heard you call his name.

“I will not be a burden, V!” You helplessly said to him, tears streaming down your face. “I have to face this battle, please!”

“Apparently,” V said in a threatening voice as he turned back to look at you. He strode towards you like a predator, and you had to step back in fear of what he might do to you. “You are not only useless, but an imbecile, as well. If I were you, I would gladly take this chance to leave in order to spare my own life. Take it from me, it is better to run away.”

You could not say any more words to him. He completely broke you, and now, you just stood there, shocked, and a complete whimpering mess. He brought the tip of his cane down as forcefully as he could, summoning Shadow in the process as some of his tattoos vanished from his pale skin.

You looked as the great, dark Demon growled at you, something that made you even more heartbroken, for the huge cat, for some reason, used to purr quite loudly and shamelessly whenever you scratch her chin and ears as she laid down beside you.

“Now, we do not want bloodshed here so early on in the game. Leave. Now.” He warned for the very last time.

You had no choice but to turn away. From the Dreadnought. From your purpose.

From the man you have grown to love despite everything.

You may have spent the remaining hours of your life bawling out like an infant inside the van and letting it all out on Nico, but you could not just accept the outcome of your conversation with that man - your own reason for fighting.

“I’ll go.”

“Ya sure about this? You would surely not make it outta there alive. Not for gettin’ smacked by Demons.”

You looked up from the towel that Nico offered you to wipe your tears with.

“I know. I have accepted that ever since I decided to join. Nico, I know my fate, and I embrace it.”

Your friend sighed.

“Still can’t tell him?”

“No. He doesn’t have to know.”

You glanced out of the window to see the massive thing floating in the sky towards the deserted city. You were sure that the others were already dealing with it as of the moment.

You stood up and took your weapons, a violin and its bow. An instrument that your friend 'tweaked’ for you.

“I’ll go, just like the usual.”

“Alone?” Nico said, also standing up.

“And after the boys.” You said with utter resolution. V may have rejected your feelings, but he would not dare reject your permanent, once in a lifetime offer of an insurance policy, and you damn well know it.

***

🖤🖤🖤

***