Confrontation (Holidays pt 1)
Warnings: abuse, ableism, condescending rich white ppl, shitty parents
Words: 2.4k
Summary: Amber confronts her parents after they disrespect her housemate.
uh side note, Amber's trauma is rough to say the least but this doesnt go into any amount of detail and i think its less than implied. you can read about it here if youd really like, but everything still being workshopped. also no beta bcuz its kinda a downer and id feel guilty asking someone to beta this.
Amber sat on the couch, squishing into the side and trying to hide, Jason on her left holding her hand. She tapped her foot repeatedly and glared daggers at her parentsâ shoes. It had been a whole argument the first day. One that she let go of once everyone elseâs families had gotten there. She wouldnât feel guilty about asserting boundaries. Especially since it was a house rule, not just hers. However, she still wanted everyone to have a pleasant holiday. Even if it meant giving in and letting her parents keep their shoes on. Which also meant she was vacuuming often.
Everyone sat in the rather large living room, but ten people and their families were still too much for one room. On the big couch was Amber, Jason, Liam, Milly, Alyssia, and Adelyne. On the loveseat to the left was Lucille with Aniyah in her lap, Monique in her wheelchair to the right of them holding Shawnaâs hand, and Shawna, Cesar, and Malik on the floor at Lucilleâs feet, arms wrapped around each other. On the loveseat to the right was Amberâs parents, Kristi and Jack, rather miffed about sharing such a small seat. With everyone else either on stools pulled from the kitchen or standing around.
Cecili was excitedly telling a story about⌠something. Amber wanted to pay attention. Even though she wasnât close to anyone but Jason, Liam, Zero, and Milly, she didnât want to be rude. She did like her other roommates. But all she could do was notice all the way her parents, who were not invited to their holiday get-together, were pissing her off. She had to focus on their shoes specifically, however, because if she started paying attention to the way they side-eyed each other, to the way they cringed at Ceciliâs speech impediment, to the way they infantilized Aniyah and Monique for their physical disabilities, to the way they talked to Jason and Cecili like children, to the way they-
Jason squeezed her hand. She looked up at him and by the look on his face, he probably saw how exhausted she looked. Her face felt so heavy. Her breathing was shallow. And even though she desperately wanted to squeeze her boyfriendâs hand back, to give him a smile that said, âIâm okayâ, she just couldnât. Sheâd wasted all her energy going from being angry with her parents to happy to just be there.
Amber was just counting down until her parents went to bed. She refused to leave them alone with her housemates. She didnât know who theyâd trash talk to them, but she didnât want to risk it. She didnât want to put anyone in an awkward position where they complained about her to other people.
She rested her head back on the couch and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath as Jason leaned on her. She could feel her parentsâ eyes burning into her. Then she heard it.
Cecili stumbled over his words for a second. Just one second. He shook his head and blew a raspberry, a way of resetting himself. Her eyes shot open, and she glared at her parents, warning them-
âSweetie, maybe you should slow down?â
And that set her off. The condescending tone sheâd heard so many times during her âtantrumsâ and sessions with the âfamily therapistâ. Kristi always knew how to set her off. Whether she did it on purpose, Amber could never tell. It didnât matter though. Not to her. She looked at Cecili who put on a strained smile, one that gave an âuh huh, yeah, sure, okayâ. They hated it when people treated them like this. And her parents had been doing it constantly for the last three days. In their own house. The same shit everyone else had been getting. The reason Lucille was hiding her autism. Not that it helped, instead she got âoh your so kind for marrying Aniyah and helping her outâ.
âOkay. We need to talk.â
âAgain?â Kristi laughed. As if their last talk had changed anything. As if any talk they had ever had had changed anything.
âYes,â Amber said, standing up and walking outside. Ignoring her parentsâ protests about the cold. If she wasnât going to change their behaviour, she was going to give everyone a break. She grabbed a familiar coat on her way out. Whether it was hers or one of her SOâs, she didnât know. Or care. She didnât care about the way her parents scoffed either. Or the slam of the door. Or the bite of the cold. And when she spun on her heel, she didnât care about the familiar look on her parentsâ faces. The look they got when she âdisrespectedâ them. Specifically, the one when it wasnât disrespect, and she was actually just asserting boundaries.
âWhat?â her mother said. Jack never really said anything. He just watched. Suggested terrible âsolutionsâ to problems that were Kristiâs fault.
ââWhat?â?! What do you mean âwhat?â?! We talked about this! I told you how he feels about that shit! How everyone feels!â
âYes, and I told you that weâre just being nice,â
âItâs not nice to talk down to everyone. In fact, some may find it unreasonably rude,â Amber emphasized the last sentence. She wanted more than anything to just be able to put it into words.
âUgh, this is embarrassing. Letâs just go back inside and have a nice Christmas-â
âWe canât have a nice Christmas with you here stomping on everyoneâs boundariesâ
âYou always talk about boundaries. Ever since that one hospital put it in your head. You know, family doesnât have boundaries.â
âWhat are you talking about?â
And the conversation went on. Very unsuccessful. Amber kept snapping without thinking through her words. Not that well-thought-out words had ever gotten through to Kristi and Jack. Sheâd drafted essays for them, only to find them in the trash and neither of them saying anything. Amber clutched her stomach. Her jaw stiff as she spoke. She hated yelling. She hated that she kept starting yelling matches when it made her dizzy. So dizzy. She punched her thighs, slammed her hands together, anything she could to show how serious she was. Not that she had any intent behind them other than anger. Every now and then she had the passing thought about the others. Wondering if they could hear. Part of her wanted someone to open the door, swoop in and save her. Liam would be on them in a second if Amber told him to.
Finally, she took a deep breath. She was too tired to yell anymore. Too tired to cry anymore. Her head was pounding. Kristi and Jack saw her trying to calm herself down, and she saw another look. They had so many looks. One for every situation. Theyâd been here before. Theyâd be here again. But she didnât want to be. Sometimes she wished she would just shut up. That there was quiet. Sure, thereâd never be peace as long as they kept⌠well⌠being them. Crossing boundaries and being ignorant. But she always wondered if quiet would feel better to this.
âYou really shouldnât work yourself up like that. I can see how much it-â
âNo. Stop that. You donât get to act like you understand me.â Amber interrupted her. She couldnât take the condescension.
âI do understand you though. Youâre my daughter.â
âNo, if you understood me, youâd understand that I was hurt,â she cringed. She wished she thought before that one. She didnât actually want to bring it up.
âWe do understand that. But, sweetie, that was a long time ago.â
âNo. You know I was hurt. You know I was hurt for a long time. Iâve spent longer being hurt than being safe. With no thanks to you by the way. The fact that you think its ending means I should be better, that I shouldnât hurt anymore, tells me you donât understand
âNo matter how much I tell you, or anyone, no one will understand. Theyâll only know. But what they do with that knowledge is what matters to me. How they help me, listen to me, treat me. That is what actually matters.â
âWe did everything we could to help you! We adopted you, sent you to therapy, all the schools and hospitals, I mean what else were we supposed to do?!â
âGive me a home? Be parents? I mean he moved me around so much; I saw so many different people,â Amber choked a little on that sentence. It wasnât something she liked to talk about. âI told you so many times that what I needed was something consistent. I just needed one place to come back to, things to own and call mine, people who were there for me. But all you cared about was how much of a commotion I caused. How much I embarrassed you. That I could never be as proper as you thought I should be.
All you wanted was for me to be quiet, ladylike, and perfect. But you never cared about what I wanted.â
âWell, what do you want then? What do you want from us??â
Amber looked at her parents. The parents who didnât even give her a choice in calling them her parents. They wanted the attention of their poor, broken, young daughter calling them âmomâ and âdadâ. She took a deep breath, looking at them both. Staring through Kristi.
âNothing.â
âWhat?â
âAbsolutely nothing,â she said. She thought through everything she wanted. Not from them, but from life. âAll I want is to live here, with people that care about me. To help and care for them. To keep getting better at forming connections.
âI just want to live here with the only people I have ever cared about. Without your opinions.â
âBut this isnât proper! Youâre unmarried, living with your boyfriend, who youâre okay with cheating on and okay with him cheating on you-â
âI do not care what you think,â She punctuated every word with every bit of acid she could muster up. With every bit of fight she still had left that night, âTo put it plainly so you understand. You were not invited. You were not informed about our get-together because I did not want you here. I knew you were going to have a problem with everything and everyone, so you were not invited. And then you showed up, disrespected myâourâ rules, disrespected my housemates, disrespected our guests- I mean for fuckâs sake you couldnât even respect that fact that Millyâs family is Jewish.
You invited yourselves over and lied saying you missed me and that we should be spending Christmas together, when we havenât talked in years.â
âWell, we pay for your living expenses-,â Jack started.
âThat is the least you could do. I went from one hell to another, and then you kicked me out as soon as I turned 18. The absolute bare fucking minimum is for you to give me money when you have so much. And itâs not like itâs out of the kindness of your heart or whatever the fuck. You pay me so I donât cause a scene. So, you donât get bad press for you poor, sweet, broken, amputee daughter being homeless or whatever.â
They stared at each other. This look was new. Kristi looked like she was going to cry. For once, Amber wasnât the one walking away in tears. Sure, sheâd definitely be crying later. Jason holding her while Andie brings her late-night sweets. Being fussed over by her real family. But now? It was her turn. Her turn to feel like she won. A pyrrhic victory. The only thing that hurt was that it wasnât the same. Itâd never be the same. Sheâd never feel like life was coming for her specifically. Never feel like no matter what she did, nothing would ever let up. Never feel like the people who signed up to be her parents could never love her. But something about the fact she was visibly upset, whether it was over how she treated Amber or how Amber treated her, was deeply cathartic.
âSo, what now?â Jack said, setting his hands on Kristiâs shoulders. He looked⌠disturbing. Amber knew he wouldnât do anything. He didnât want to. And there were more than enough people inside to come to help if she needed. She knew why she felt like this. Why the angry tall man standing over her made her stomach drop. If it was anyone with an ounce of care for her, theyâd immediately drop their anger, drop to their knees to not tower over her. Apologize and make sure she knew she was safe.
Amber cleared her throat and averted her eyes. âItâs up to you. I will not tolerate any more disrespect. If you do it again, I will straight up kick you out, no questions. However, you may stay for Christmas,â she emphasized the fact that this was her call. That they werenât really welcome but didnât have to leave right away.
âWeâll stay until right after Christmas, as we planned.,â Kristi said. So softly that Amber almost didnât recognize the voice. âSo we can give gifts. It wouldnât be proper to show up and not give gifts.â
âFine,â Amber finished the conversation. She didnât think she could take anymore. She wanted to curl up in her bed, wrapped in her loversâ arms, and drift away from everything. From all the hurt. Everything hurt so bad right now. She felt weak and vulnerable, and all the yelling hurt her throat. And she still felt the need to get away from Jack. To run away as fast as she could.
Liamâs dad opened the door. Zero behind him, extending a hand to eir girlfriend. Amber took it silently, suddenly reminded of how dizzy she was. She really couldnât focus on anything as she was led inside, through the living room, and up the stairs. The only thing she noticed was that the living room was empty, save for Jason who followed them up the stairs. Jason was explaining what all had happened since she went outside, and how they wanted to respect her privacy. She couldnât listen. No matter what, she couldnât focus on anything.
Next thing she knew she was in Jasonâs bed, with a cup of water in her hands. She took a deep breath. Letting everyone help ground her. Letting herself be fawned over. Everything would be better. If not tonight, then in the morning.
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