call out in the middle of the night (for when else would i hear you?)
summary: blair has a nightmare and wakes to copia still working early in the morning, and seeks him out for comfort.
relationships: blair (self-insert) x copia
warnings: none, this is complete self-indulgent tooth-rotting fluff that's probably a liiiiittle ooc but hey. i haven't finished a writing project in so long let me have this
A/N: blair is half-ghoul so that's why they have horns/a tail/etc. also they're feminine but use they/it and they're not a girl, do not misgender them. cross-posted on ao3.
[okay to reblog!! don't interact if you ship romantically with papa emeritus iv]
Blair woke with a start, their heart racing as their eyes darted around, their tail furiously whipping behind them, ruffling up the sheets even more. They couldn't remember the details of the nightmare they had been having, all they were aware of was a deep seated anxiety making them feel as if the room was caving in.
They don't even remember dozing off, the DVD player logo bouncing around the TV screen at the end of the bed signalling that they must have fallen asleep after putting on the movie they had picked out. Thinking back to the stress of their nightmare, they put two and two together. 'Perhaps putting on a horror movie right when I was starting to get sleepy wasn't the best idea,' they thought to themselves.
Although admittedly, they had not planned on spending the evening alone. They had put on the film in the first place to pass the time, waiting for their husband Copia to come back to their shared quarters, as preparations for the upcoming tour had left him working long hours. They knew the work was important, but they still found themself wishing he wouldn't push himself as much as he did, even if for the selfish reason of getting to see more of him.
Still reeling from the nightmare, although struggling to recall any details, Blair was further saddened by glancing over to their husband's side of the bed to find it still empty. They glanced at the clock against the far wall. 1:38. He was still working? Their heart aches at the thought of their husband still slumped over his desk, worrying that he might have dozed off still in his paint, likely going to wake to an earful from Sister Imperator, rather than gentle kisses from his spouse.
And, as clingy as it made them sound, they just missed him. These days he almost always wasn't home until after they went to bed, and was awake and gone before they woke up. It had been like this for weeks now, and while they knew it was temporary, they still craved his embrace, his words, his presence.
Almost without them noticing, they stumbled out of bed. They adjusted their nightgown and négligée, stepping into the black slippers at the bedroom door, nearly tripping over Copia's tricycle by the door in their sleepy state. Before they knew it they drifted across the abbey like a forlorn spirit, possibly being mistaken for one by the few others who might be awake at this hour. Guided by the twinkling moonlight through the stained glass windows and the dim flickering candles ensconced in the wrought stone walls, they found themself at the door to his office. He had left it cracked, probably unintentionally while rushing from place to place, but nonetheless Blair simply pushed open the door which was swung open with a grating creak.
Stepping into his office, they are bathed in the light provided by the crackling fireplace, bookshelves and files carefully organized along the walls. The entire room was outfitted in his signature blue and amber tones, and smelled of firewood, leather, and his cologne.
At the opposite end of the room, they heard the quiet scritching of pen against paper stop as Copia looked up at them. He looked exhausted, the skull paint at his temples smudged from rubbing against it in frustration, concentration, or both. Some stray pieces of his graying hair hung over his forehead, and as his head snapped up from his hunched over position at the sound of the door, bobbed in front of his face, the shadows cast by the fire light dancing across his handsome visage, only enhanced by the stark lines of his skull paint. His neck kerchief was tugged loose around his neck, and his buttery soft leather gloves tugged off and forgotten. The weariness on his features seemed to fade just a little when he recognized that it was his spouse at the door, a welcome sight after all day away on business.
"Blair? What are you doing up this late? I thought you would have been asleep by now," He seemed surprised to see them up at this hour, his voice a little gravelly from overexertion over the past few weeks in rehearsals.
"I was asleep, but I had a nightmare, and I couldn't seem to fall back asleep. I just...." Blair swallowed a little, just seeing their beloved husband clearly overworked was making tears prick at the corners of their wide doe eyes, "I just missed you. I couldn't fall back asleep knowing you were still up working at this hour."
"You don't need to worry about me, my love. I will come rest when I am finished here. You see, I need to get this all filled out before tomorrow morning-"
"It IS tomorrow morning, Copia," Blair cut him off. He glanced at the clock on his desk, an almost imperceptible look of shock flashing across his features. Admittedly, he had not realized quite how late he had been working. “Are you sure you’re doing alright? I don’t want to interrupt you, I know it’s important, you're on a tight schedule and everything…” Blair trailed off, a little unsure of why they even bothered to get up and interrupt him.
"You're never interrupting me, you know that love," He sighed a little as he leaned back in his high-backed chair, gesturing for Blair to come to him. They carefully closed the ajar door behind them, wincing at the grating noise as the worn hinges shut, before finding themself standing on Copia's side of the desk. He tugs them into his lap, pulling them in for a deep kiss. He wraps his arms around them tightly as if trying to pull them impossibly closer. Blair's fingers find their way into his soft hair, no doubt tousling it further.
Copia pulls away from the kiss, paint around his lips slightly smeared, staring at Blair, their soft pale features illuminated by the amber fire light, dark wavy hair cascading down their shoulders. They look at him with nothing but pure love, a soft smile on their lips as they trace his jawline with feather light touches, as if anything more would overwhelm them. He feels their long thin tail curl around his leg, squeezing just a little. He finds himself hit all at once with how much he has missed this these past few weeks.
Blair looks at Copia, the utmost adoration in his eyes as he studies their features, as if he's memorizing them in case they might disappear right before his eyes. He buries his face in their neck, drinking in their sweet scent.
"I miss you," He murmurs against their skin, peppering kisses down their neck. Blair lets out a soft whine, almost crying from how touch-starved they had been.
"Please, come to bed, won't you darling?" They ask again, feeling the neediness in his kisses as they trailed lower, down to the pale expanse of their chest left exposed by their nightgown. Copia pulls away at their question, seemingly snapping out of his trance, the realization that he might be getting carried away brought into focus as his eyes darted to the stack of paperwork on his desk.
"You know I would love to more than anything, my doll," His hand drifts across their cheek, they subconsciously lean their face further into his touch, pressing a soft kiss to his thumb as it ghosts over their lips, slightly smudged with his paint. "But, there is still work to be done. I do wish I could wait until later this morning, but it's not easy being Papa. It's important work, even if it is pretty demanding of my time and energy lately," He sighed and looked away from Blair's pleading eyes, knowing that if he spent much more time looking at them he would be bewitched, body and soul. They seemed to have that effect on him without even trying.
"It's okay, I understand," Blair sniffled a little, and slid off of Copia's lap as he turned his chair back to his desk. "I'll wait here for you."
"You don't need to do that, doll. Just go back to our bed, ok? I'm sure I'll be finished soon."
"No, no, I want to. I just...want to be near you," Blair sank to the floor next to his chair, wrapping their arms around his leg and laying their head on his thigh. It took everything in Copia to bring his attention back to his work, feeling intently the sensation of Blair languidly nuzzling on his thigh.
Blair knew that they probably looked incredibly pathetic like this, but they didn't care. Just being near to their beloved was intoxicating. They felt all of their stress dissipating, their tense shoulders relaxing and letting out a soft sigh as they curled further around his leg, letting the soft sounds of the crackling fire and their husband working drift them off to sleep once again.
They were awoken with their head being coaxed softly with familiar hands out of the position they had been lying in. No bad dreams this time, no dreams at all really, just a feeling of all of the sensations around them being a soft humming background noise, occasionally aware of Copia absentmindedly petting their hair, his hands faintly ghosting over their horns, making them settle further into the cozy sensation. Their eyes flutter open, instinctively looking up at the face of the man now softly caressing their hair once again.
"Hi."
"Hello."
They both laugh a little at the awkward greetings.
"I'm all finished. Let's head to bed now, my dove," Copia brushed a stray piece of Blair's bangs out of their eyes.
Blair winces a little as they start to pull themself out of the position they were in, feeling the stiffness of their muscles from being contorted in that position for what must've been at least another hour. Copia groans as he eases out of the chair had been sitting in for too long, then offers a hand to Blair, helping them off the floor.
It had started to rain in the early morning, not a torrential downpour, but enough to deter the couple from taking the shortcut through the courtyard. Getting back to their quarters, Blair would've normally just slipped back into bed to wait while Copia undressed, but their sleepy state seemed to amplify their clinginess, so they sat on the edge of the bathtub while he cleaned off his paint in the bathroom mirror. Copia paused as he finished cleaning off his left cheek.
"Do you need to watch me?"
Blair jumped a little, as if they had not been aware of what they had been doing.
"Um, well, I guess not. I'm sorry, was I like, weirding you out?" They moved to get up.
"No, no, of course not. I just thought you were pretty tired is all. You don't need to sit here with me if you don't want to, why don't you go get comfortable in bed, hm?"
Blair got up, but instead of leaving, instead came to wrap their arms around Copia's waist, leaning their head on his shoulder.
"Well, yeah, I am pretty tired, but I'm okay being sleepy if I'm with you," They reached around to his chest, undoing his neckerchief and getting at the buttons of his flowy black shirt while he returned again to wiping off his skull paint.
When his paint was finally all wiped away, Blair turned Copia away from the mirror, their soft hands cupping his cheeks before leaning up to give him a sleepy kiss on his nose.
"There he is," Blair beamed at Copia, making him blush. There was something so special, so intimate about seeing him without his skull paint, not even the black around his eyes and upper lip he wore on more casual days. In this moment, he was no longer Papa Emeritus The Fourth, just Copia.
After what felt like weeks on end spending every waking moment worrying about prepping for the tour, working through mountains of paperwork, rehearsing until his voice was hoarse and his muscles ached, getting to be just Copia, even just for a moment, away from everyone else in the Ministry just in the eyes of his lover, it was something he didn't know he was craving until now.
He couldn't help leaning down and kissing them back, but going for their lips instead. Blair felt him smile into the kiss, and their hands reached up to push his now unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders, and he finally pulled away to finish getting undressed the rest of the way.
The two shared a multitude of "I love you"s and "I missed you"s in between kisses as they made their way to the bedroom, Copia now only in his boxers and fresh socks, unhooked from his sock garters.
Once they fell into bed, Blair grabbing at a throw blanket to pull over the two of them, it didn't take long for sleep to overtake the couple, Blair was cozily tucked against Copia's chest, their arms wrapped around each other as if they were scared the other might disappear. Copia murmured out a "Sweet dreams, my dear" as sleep overtook the two of them finally.
Blair awoke the next morning slowly, surprised to hear no chime of an alarm, and even more surprised to still be curled up in their husband's arms. Cool light filtered through the curtains, bathing the two lovers in soft light. The rain from earlier that morning had not let up, the sound of it pattering against the windows a comforting one.
As Blair began to stir, Copia did as well, his arms wrapped around their soft frame pulling them impossibly closer into his bare chest. He let out a pleased sigh, his eyes just barely fluttering open.
"Good morning, doll," Copia's voice was still a little hoarse, both from all the rehearsals and the sleep. He reached a hand up to sleepily card his fingers through their hair, his hands drifting up to their horns to run his hands over them. Blair sighed at the pleasurable sensation.
"Morning honey..." As Blair's thoughts caught up with them, they looked up at Copia quizzically. "Shouldn't you be working by now?"
"Before we left my office last night, I cleared my schedule for this weekend." This admission clears the sleepy fog out of Blair's mind, now startled and a little confused.
"But don't you have to-"
"I'm Papa now, I make the rules. And I say, I have much more important matters to attend to than some rehearsals and meetings. I have spent nowhere near enough time with my little sunshine these days," Blair blushed at the nickname, as it reminded them of the song he had written for them. They snuggled back into his chest.
"You know you're never gonna hear the end of this from Imperator..." Blair traced patterns absentmindedly on Copia's back, squishing their cheek against his chest hair, careful to angle their head as to not scratch him with their horns.
"I can endure another lecture from her if it means I get to see more of you, my love. She is the least of my worries," He reassured Blair, and he meant it. He would risk a thousand long-winded lectures about image and responsibility if it meant that he got to make just a little more time for his spouse.
"Hey, hey, look at me," Copia puts his hand under Blair's chin, tilting their head to look right at him, their slit pupils dilating. "My work is important to me, but nothing in my life is more important to me than you. I know right now it feels like a lot, but it won't be like this forever. Know that I'm not pushing you away. I would never push you away. I love you, Blair."
"I love you too Copia," Blair closed the gap between them, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "What do you say we sleep in a little bit more, hm? Gotta get caught up on the hours missed last night, right?" Copia slotted his leg in between Blair's as they tangled in the throw blanket.
"I like the sound of that," Copia answered, and it wasn't long before the couple dozed off once again. For Copia, finally getting the rest he so desperately needed to catch up on, sleeping heavier, truly letting go of all of his worries. And Blair, they had no nightmares to speak of.
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gaps in the sunlight
uchikoshi said anything is canon in zero escape, so here's my real and canon happy ending with aoi <3
[ aoi / santa | ~2.5k words ] [ cw: vague spoilers for the ending of 999 + ztd. aoi is himself and all that entails (an argument ft. lots of swearing). one offhanded reference to suicidal ideation. ]
against the sunlight, koda squinted.
when she stepped out of the underground bunker, it felt as if forty tons of weight had slipped off her shoulders and onto the dusty ground beneath her. the anxiety that had gripped her for the last handful of hours (days? just how long had they been in there, jumping aimlessly through spacetime?) faded away, dissipating until she finally felt at ease — like she wasn't one misstep away from dying; like she wasn't walking a tightrope of life and death anymore.
she'd never been so happy to be underneath the burning sun; to feel its warmth on her skin.
she'd never been so happy to be alive.
finally, after everything, she could rest.
reaching up, she shielded her eyes against the blinding light, gazing aimlessly off into the empty expanse around her. as far as she could see, there was nothing — no roads; no buildings; no anything — aside from the desert and the facility she had just emerged from with the rest of the people who had been forced through the decision game alongside her. it was almost suffocating, in an ironic way, how open everything was; how quiet and still and void it was. they were alone out here — she was alone out here. completely and utterly alone.
...until the sound of a car engine cut through the otherwise silent air.
snapping her head toward the sound, koda was met with the sight of an all-too familiar suv; and leaning against the front of it was an even more familiar figure, their hair a stark white against the orange backdrop of the nevada desert. her heart dropped into her stomach as if it had suddenly been turned into lead, her arm falling from her eyes and dangling limply by her side. disbelief overtook her thoughts, leaving her staring wide-eyed in shock.
n-no way...
she was just seeing things, wasn't she? the hell she had just gone through was so bad it had finally broken her, hadn't it? that her tormented and scarred brain had taken to hallucinating him as its last defense against shattering completely? it was fake — it had to be fake; she hadn't seen him in over a year, there was no way he would be here — but she caught herself walking towards him anyway, legs shaking and feet stumbling as she went.
he would disappear when she got close enough — she would reach a threshold and he would vanish from her life again, to a place she had no way of reaching, and she would feel her heart turn to ice all over again. he would leave her alone once again, wondering if she ever truly meant anything to him at all; wondering if he would ever come back; knowing that he wouldn't.
but with every step, his figure only grew more solid. his features grew more defined — she could make out his eyes; the crease between his eyebrows; the way his mouth was turned down in a small frown. with each step, it became easier and easier to see him — to trick herself into believing he was real and there and finally in front of her again.
"...a-aoi...?"
as if saying his name made him real — solidified him; tied him to this world — he blinked at her, the worried scowl disappearing from his face in an instant. relief washed over his features; his arms uncrossed and dropped to his sides as if the muscles in them had given out — as if the tension that had held them over his chest was finally released.
and then he started running to her.
in what felt like an instant, koda was suddenly enveloped in a pair of arms, scooped up off the dusty ground and squeezed into a hug so tight it forced all the air from her lungs. a hand roughly landed on the back of her head, fingers tangling deeply into her hair, pressing her against his chest; nails dug into the small of her back through her shirt; a nose buried itself in her hair and let out a shaky breath into it.
"thank god." his voice was rough as he murmured it — strained, as if he were forcing himself to keep it from breaking; as if he were on the verge of crumbling before her. "i was so scared you were—" his head lifted up suddenly, blue eyes frantically scanning her face. "you're not hurt, are you?"
koda shook her head wordlessly, eyes wide with disbelief. "i-i'm okay," she managed, her voice barely above a whisper. with each second that passed as she stared at him — at him; at the person she'd been desperately wanting to see again for a year; at aoi — the shock began to wear off and the reality began to sink in, deeper and deeper, until hot tears were sliding down her cheeks. "a-aoi, i—"
"what the fuck were you thinking?!"
the question — angry and loud and out of nowhere — startled her into abrupt silence.
aoi's expression was no longer one of relief. now, his eyes were narrowed into a glare, an unreadable swirl of emotions dancing in his irises; his scowl had returned, lips pulled back just enough to show his teeth clenching together. his grip on her had released as quickly as his mood changed, leaving koda to stumble a step backward in confusion. he was mad — so mad that it instilled the smallest hint of fear in her heart.
so mad that all she could do was stare at him.
"h... huh?" the tears she had been crying stopped; dried in an instant. "w-what are you—"
"are you a fucking idiot?!" the sound of his fist coming down on the hood of the car made her jump. inside the dent he left in the metal was a faint smear of red; from his knuckles, it dripped to the ground; onto the toe of his boot. "why the fuck would you sign up for something like this?!"
why?
he had the nerve to ask why when he was the one who had abandoned her for over a year? when he was the reason she spent the last twelve odd months in a numb haze, only feeling something when she was crying over him? when he was the reason she had spiraled into such a deep depression that seven and lotus had taken to checking in on her every day to make sure she hadn't killed herself? when he was the reason it all got so bad she had to sign up for something like this just to clear her head?
he was the reason her life had fallen apart and he had the fucking nerve to ask why?
koda's eyes narrowed back at him, her shoulders shaking with a year's worth of pain and misery and anger. "what does it fucking matter?" she snapped back, her voice wavering in her throat. he didn't deserve an explanation, and she didn't want to give him one. "i wanted to. so i did."
"and what if something happened to you?!" for a moment, the anger in aoi's voice slipped and gave way to the truth of his emotions. panic had seeped into his tone; made it shake and pitch upward. "goddammit, you could have fucking died! did you ever think about that shit?!"
"why do you even care?! you abandoned me for a fucking year! so why—"
"because i love you, dumbass! that's why i fucking care!"
"i love you, too! but that doesn't—"
she froze.
koda's eyes grew wide — wider and wider until they were the size of saucers; until they started drying out and burning in the faint breeze that blew between them. her mouth hung slightly open, bottom lip twitching as it tried to form any one of the hundreds, thousands, of words that were racing through her jumbled mind.
"w-what?" she stuttered out, the word little more than a weak exhale. "w... w-what did you..."
aoi crossed his arms again, his head turning away from her as a shade of red slowly crept its way up onto his face. if she didn't know any better, she'd assume he was getting sunburnt. "...i said i love you." still-narrowed eyes flickered sideways to her, then away again with a short huff; and then, with a sigh of resignation, he turned back to her fully, his expression softening into something more gentle. "i love you, koda."
disbelief colored her exhausted features, her head twitching side-to-side in a small shake. "y... you..." she breathed out, her hands subtly beginning to shake. "y-you... you r... really..."
he didn't — he couldn't. if he did, then why... why had he left her? if he loved her, then why did he leave her alone to suffer by herself? if he loved her, then why hadn't she seen him once before this? if he loved her, then why did she have to go through timeline after timeline after miserable timeline just to get to speak to him again?
why?
why why why why?
she had started crying again without even realizing it.
"i do." aoi's voice pulled her free of the sinkhole she found herself slipping into; made her suddenly aware of the dampness on her cheeks once more. stepping forward, he closed the distance between them again, his hands cupping her face with far more gentleness than he seemed capable of. "i really do love you, koda."
"th-then why?" the words came tumbling out of koda's mouth before she could stop them, her heart cracking and melting and freezing all at once — filling with an unbridled mix of anger and love and happiness and bitterness. "w-why did you— w-why— y-you left a-and— i-i—"
she was slowly becoming incoherent. distantly, she feared it would annoy him.
a soft, feather-light kiss was pressed against her hairline; a moment later, his forehead leaned itself gently against hers. "i had to." his eyes, steady and unwavering, stared into her conflicted and teary ones. "i didn't want to— fuck, i really didn't want to, but—" anger flashed through his face — only for a moment; at a distant memory neither of them seemed to like. "—but i had to. to make sure you would stay safe."
it sounded like bullshit — like complete and utter bullshit — but there wasn't a hint of deception on his face; not a single ounce of anything that could be considered a lie. koda's hands weakly reached up to hold onto his wrists, her nails softly digging into the skin. "f-from what? i don't— i-i don't get it, i-i— y-you—"
"from—" he cut off with a suck of his teeth and an annoyed scoff that wasn't directed at her. for once, it was like he didn't have an answer — like he didn't have an easy explanation he could give her. "from everything, okay? i was involved in a lot of deep shit, and i... couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt." white eyebrows knit together; teeth clenched again. "so when i heard about you signing up for this fucking shit, i—"
aoi cut himself off with a shuddered breath, his fingers shaking against the sides of her face. for a brief moment, his eyes closed; and when they opened again, desperation shone in them.
fear shone in them.
"do you know how scared i was?" his voice was lower; shakier and far more fragile than she was used to hearing it. "i was so— so fucking scared, koda."
the confession made her sobbing slow down enough to let her breathe almost normally again; to let her thoughts stop being such an incoherent, jumbled mess. koda blinked softly up at him, tears dripping dripping onto his hands. "i-i was scared, too." pieces of memories flashed through her mind — memories of death and dying and impossible-to-beat odds and terror so big it rooted her in place. her breathing turned shaky again as the feeling overtook her again, a new wave of tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. "i-i thought i was going t-to— i didn't think i'd— i-i'd ever s-see you again a-and—"
for the third time, koda started crying again.
and for the second time, aoi pulled her into his chest.
arms wrapped around her shaking shoulders while hers locked themselves around him, her fingers clutching onto the back of his shirt so tightly that her knuckles began to ache. in the still-damp spot from earlier, she cried into his chest, finally letting every emotion — every horrible and painful and scary emotion — she suppressed for so long tear its way out of her.
"p-please don't— d-don't leave again..."
the words spilled messily past her lips before she could stop them — the pathetic desire she'd harbored for over a year, the one she desperately tried to swallow and ignore, filling the air between them. it was futile — she knew it was; she knew there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, that would guarantee his staying — but it came out anyway amidst her sobs.
a desperate plea that would never—
"i won't."
aoi's voice made her freeze; made her body go rigid; made her breath catch in her throat and her eyes go wide. she stared, unblinkingly, into the fabric of his shirt before mustering up enough courage to tilt her head back to look up at him. "h... huh...?" she asked quietly, her voice little more than an exhale of disbelief.
"i won't." he repeated it, his tone soft and resolute. one of his arms left her shoulders so his hand could run through her hair, pushing it from her face so he could lean down and leave a lingering kiss to her forehead. "i won't leave you again."
the fear that he might be lying wormed its way into koda's heart — sunk its claws in; chased away any happiness his words might have otherwise brought her. her fingers shook softly against his shirt, struggling to force the image of him leaving again — of waking up alone again — out of her head. "...y... you promise...?"
"yeah." he breathed it out against her; into her hair; as his arm returned to his shoulders; as he held in her a vice grip she couldn't have escaped even if she wanted to. aoi buried his nose in her curls, effectively pushing her head back into its previous position against his chest. "i promise."
his heart thumped steadily in her ear, the sound working to calm her down; to soothe her nerves; to bring her tears to a stop; to finally piece together the shattered remains of her heart. he was here — he was here and he was holding her and he was staying.
"i'm not going anywhere this time."
and that was all she had ever wanted.
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