#'awooga' if i say so myself

[banana-vatore]

I got new default eyes and some new skin details and William got quite the update

[decadentpostnachos-evil-twin]

Why are El/riels acting like it's some great forbidden romance or starcrossed lovers ship when all it truly is is Azriel jacking off because he thinks Elain is hot and Elain clinging to anyone who isn't Lucien because to her that somehow means keeping what is left of her humanity by not accepting the bond.

Their relationship doesn't go beyond physical attraction at best, Azriel constantly patronizes her and frankly doesn't gaf about Elain as a person. All we see in the acosf bonus chapter is him wanting to bone her, saying he wants to eat her 😺 is not a goddamn love confession.

Furthermore, they are kinda both projecting their feelings for somebody else onto eachother. Azriel knows that Morrigan doesn't want him, as soon as another pretty woman comes his way he goes awooga like some caveman. (Seriously, masturbating to what is essentially ibuprofen? Boy)

Elain begged Graysen to take her back and he refused to, not only because she was turned, but because she was mated to Lucien. She thinks Lucien at least partly responsible for her fiancèe not wanting her anymore. And because there is someone else who's tall, dark haired and potentially handsome, she latches onto Azriel.

Am I making sense? I think I am. If you don't think so, go cry about it.

This is from 2016, by the way. She originally planned for Nesta and Lucien. And then thought Elain and Lucien would fit together better.

And the last thing I want to say is that you people need to stop having the audacity of calling yourself Elain stans. Because if you really were, you'd want to see her with the sensible, charming and attentive guy instead of the emo boy who projects his sexual desires onto her.

(Here I was, swearing to myself to not get mixed up in this whole shit show. But I can't keep quiet with people not using the braincells god gave them.)

[captaintrio]

listen what i'm saying is, I know the perv trope thing with Sanji is annoying and overplayed. i know it is. i know that some of it is Oda's humor and some of it is like. shit that anime always seems to find one character to shunt onto, and I don't like it and nobody likes it but like

pretending that's the only character trait that he has, or refusing to connect the dots through what appears to both be some vestige of the Vinsmoke programming (since ALL of his brothers have the exact same kind of nosebleed awooga behavior despite their lack of other meaningful human emotions), and a strict adherence to anything Zeff taught him (bc children do not process trauma and traumatic events the way adults do, and at that point Zeff was not only his first and ONLY example of paternal love, but the only hand capable of reaching in and stopping the knife he'd been twisting in his own guts), isn't just stupid, it's a deeply shallow and backwards take of an incredibly complex character.

yes, Sanji is flawed. they're all flawed. that's half the point of the story, that people are more than the sum of their parts, or the circumstances of their birth, or their pain.

Sanji's journey in this story so far is one of broken shackles, of healing, of finding comfort in himself and trust in his found family despite how deep the roots of self-loathing and fear run in him. in that way, of course he took Zeff's perspective to heart. Zeff who cut a piece of himself off and chose Sanji's life over his own well-being again and again, when Sanji's birth father abandoned him to torment and death. Zeff, who thought he was wonderful, and kind, and intelligent, and nurtured his potential, and taught him how to make sure nobody could ever hurt him again, when his birth father discarded him as damaged goods. Zeff, who is proud, in his own way, to know what his son is up to, and for people to know that's his boy, when his birth father's only direct words to him were to make sure to never bring him the shame of letting anyone know they were related.

(and that's the wild part, one of the things that really breaks me about Sanji sometimes, is that he kept that promise, too. If WCI hadn't happened he might never have told anyone at all.)

Zeff saved Sanji in every way a hurt little boy could possibly be saved, and so when he said "You never hit a woman, that's wisdom from when the dinosaurs walked the earth." and "Beat any man's ass you want, but if I ever catch you raising a hand to a woman I'll cut your dick off and then myself too for teaching you that." like???

He's not being a misogynist, he doesn't refuse to fight women because he thinks they're weak and frail and the fairer sex that needs to be protected at all costs by big strong men, he respects Nami and Robin and Vivi and refuses to give up on his friends and even forgives Viola despite her almost killing him and agrees to help her, like?? he internalized everything Zeff ever told him, not just how to make risotto really well or how to pair wine to cheeses and desserts.

does Oda sometimes play that up for laughs, or run it to extremes? yeah, absolutely. I actively like to pretend Fishman Island was 10 episodes of political backstory and Jinbei. But those moments of hyperbole aren't the fucking point of his character, or his development, and to pretend like they are removes Sanji--and an incredibly poignant story about abuse, recovery, self-love, and the acceptance and importance of found family--from the story.

[aka-indulgence]

Illithid Kiss

So I caved. Immediately. Mind flayers are hot, bite me

Thanks to @llamagoddessofficial for showing me 1 (one) image of bg3 mind flayer and immediately going AWOOGA

Yes I made an ao3 link, I ‘ve been taken over help

(Mind flayer x Female!Reader

Mind flayer goes by he/him)

Vaussur took you in as his thrall for what feels like a long time ago. Despite being a mind flayer, for his kind, he had surprise you at every turn, acting unlike how you expected an illithid to act- like how the rest of the mind flayers in his hive acts. Lenient and forgiving with you, letting you roam with your mind free (for the most part), you find yourself unexpectedly getting attached to him.

What do you do, when all of a sudden your mind flayer ‘master’ asks you to tell him about human love? When he asks you to show him more directly? And most importantly…

Would you kiss a mind flayer?

Content warning: Mind control involved (consensual), suggestive themes, master/servant romantic relationship

—————

“Tell me, pet. What does it mean to love like a human?”

You’re snapped out of your musings at the voice, echoing both through the room and chambers in your mind. You look away from the window, from the alien society outside. Vaussur was looming behind you, a curious glow in his eyes that looked soft, somehow.

In the shadows of the room he looked ominous, almost spine-chilling. Illithid armour glinting in the faint light, while the rest of his body was merely a silhouette save for his glowing, golden irises. It reminded you of stories people back home used to tell you when you were young: to close and lock the doors at night and close the windows lest a monster sneak into the room. You didn’t know what a mind flayer was, back then, but seeing him now, he fits the stories perfectly.

Yet, he keeps surprising you with his curious mannerisms- his strange questions. You turn to face your ‘master’.

“Why do you ask?”

“As you might guess, it’s not something I can speak of amongst other illithids,” he says matter-of-factly, with a bit of humor in his eyes. “But its still something I’m personally interested in, nonetheless.”

You giggle. “What do you mean? Do you study humans?”

Mind flayers don’t have mouths. But from the way his tentacles moved, it almost looks like Vaussur was smiling at the sound of your giggle. But he answers seriously.

“I have been, as of late.” He gives you a meaningful glance. “Of course, illithids are the superior race and our ways of living are equally superior. … But I find myself becoming curious. We don’t have such customs in our society, and what I’m about to say is unbecoming for a mind flayer, but…”

You look at him curiously as he struggles to speak his words.

“I… envy you.” He whispers. “You have no idea how exquisite your mind tastes, my dear thrall. … How tender, the sweetness in every drop of thought in that delectable mind of yours, the warmth and comfort your memories radiate… You come from a world where a small, innocent, kind thing like yourself could flourish and bloom- thrive, even. How can such a world exist?”

The way he describes your mind in frightening and alien detail, reminds you of what he is- an illithid, a being that literally has a taste for brains. But even so, the way he described yours, though a little unsettling, almost sounds like a poem, words woven carefully just for you. Try as you might, it sounds like a compliment to you.

“W-well,” you stutter, staggered by his flowery words- coming from a being that has never seen much of life in the sun. “I think humans are more social than mind flayers. You communicate out of necessity, working together like a hivemind for the elder brain… right?”

“Right. You remembered what I told you? Smart pet, you prove me again and again why you’re my favorite thrall.”

“Um!” Being called a thrall wasn’t flattering, but still you feel your mind spin from the praise. “Thank- thank you. As I was saying, humans communicate and cooperate too, but we don’t do it just out of necessity. We find joy in the comfort of other humans- and other beings too, if they’ve formed a bond. We do it because we like it. We make bonds with people in our families and our communities, for companionship and… sometimes more. We can work alone, but most suffer from being solitary.”

You don’t know what kind of love Vaussur was asking you for, but you thought keeping it general was a good start at least. And the safest option, considering the other possibility.

“Interesting… not unlike illithids.” He comments.

“Really? How so?”

“As a non mind-flayer, you would not know this, but… it’s very unhealthy for a mind flayer to be completely alone.” You raise your eyebrows in surprise while Vaussur continues. “No elder brain, no other illithids, no thralls. Mind flayers are surrounded and connected by thoughts. To strip the familiar away from them… I’ve heard stories where they’ve gone mad.”

“Wait- mind flayers can go mad?”

“Of course. We are superior but not perfect- even I can admit that. Mind flayers can’t thrive in isolation, we must rely on another living being. It’s a disgrace for a mind flayer to accept it, let alone admit it- especially to admit they rely on thralls so heavily beyond labor.”

“I didn’t know that.” You remarked, seeing the illithids in a new light. Most of what you’ve heard from when mind flayers were merely myths and legends, and from what you’ve seen directly from their society indicates that they’re a self-sufficient, self-aggrandizing people. To know they could be attached to anything other than themselves, or at least to their elder brain… and Vaussur had so easily conceded this information to you.

“Wait, if it was a disgrace, why are you admitting this to me right now?”

“Because I’m no different. And it is no disgrace to say that I need you to stay with me.”

Your mouth hangs open at his honest confession, like it was factual. You try to ignore the little flips your stomach is doing, and whether or not it was a good feeling.

“I’ve also heard that there are different types of love. Platonic and romantic, I think they’re called.”

“Yes, yes there is, it’s-” you stop yourself, even as you quieten the excitement in your chest at the mention of the other type of love (to your puzzlement). “How do you know about that?”

“During my time on a ​​reconnaissance mission. I was looking for possibles hosts to implant with tadpole.”

You fail to hide the distaste on your face at the mention of ceremorphosis. If Vaussur saw it, he doesn’t react.

“I heard them talking about it. I think they were discussing whether what they felt for each other was one form or the other. Their discussion about the romantic one became particularly charged.”

He refocuses on you, and eagerly asks, “What is… romantic love?”

He was trying to sound calm and analytical but you could hear it: excitement. But why would a mind flayer be so interested in romance, of all things?

“It’s… like I said earlier,” you swallowed. You don’t know why you felt so bashful about it, like you were in a group of children talking about your parents kissing like it was a scandal. “It’s when people have more… intimate relationships with another. It’s not very different from platonic love, but different nonetheless. It’s…”

How do you explain romantic love to someone who doesn’t know what it is? How is it different from platonic love? Just having to explain what love is to him proved itself quite confusing to you, as the more you tried to grasp the definition of love to you, the more it slipped away.

“It’s like…” you grasp again, “romantic love is when you meet another person, and you feel a, a… a spark. It’s more intense than platonic love, where you just feel this… attraction to the other person, where you want to be as close to them as possible, and just their presence can make you really happy. You do things with them things you wouldn’t do with any other people you have in your life, intimate things. Someone you want to share your life with.”

You feel a little helpless as you clasp your hands together, trying to convey what you think love looks like to someone who’s never experienced it. Even with your loose explanation, Vaussur is rapt with fascination, his luminous glare unblinking. 

“I’m sorry if this is confusing to you…”

He shakes his head. “That’s more knowledge than any mind flayer knows. And… if it proves hard for you, pet, maybe you should show it to me.”

“I… show it?”

You were about to ask how, but as soon as you thought that, a word echoes in your mind.

With a kiss.

Your eyes widen, and unfortunately, it looks like your mind was loud enough for Vaussur to notice.

Without skipping a beat, he asks you, “Can you… show that to me? Kissing?”

Added with his forwardness, you fluster, but you try to calm yourself. Vaussur is a mind flayer. He’s never experienced any kind of love, let alone romantic. He really is just curious, he’s not trying to charm you… right?

You try to explain it to him.

“I c-could, but… kissing you would be more… romantic. One of the intimate things people do together to be romantic.” You said that twice. Your mind is tripping over itself. “You have to- no, you should do it with someone you care about deeply, the one you want to keep in your life. At least, that’s how you make it more meaningful.”

Vaussur doesn’t speak, not immediately. A strange look washes over his face, his brows furrowing. Subconsciously, he brings his hand to a tentacle, stroking it thoughtfully.

“I don’t see the problem. That describes how I feel about you perfectly.”

Everything goes quiet for you.

… “What?”

Vaussur doesn’t skip a beat.

“That’s how I’ve felt about you since I took you as my thrall. That is not a strange concept. I’m intimately familiar with that feeling.” He pauses. “Unless this is hesitation because I’m a mind flayer.”

“I- no that’s not it,” you say, the ice freezing your tongue melting. “It’s, I just- do you… love… me?”

“Perhaps. If that really what love is, then yes. But illithids don’t have ‘romance’ or ‘love’. So I need you to show me what it is.”

You shake your head, you can’t believe the situation you’re in, looking at the floor. The mind flayer that’s called you his thrall might very well love you- even be in love for you. People have described mind flayers as soulless, one of the defining characteristics they were often associated with, something you’d accepted as fact, until you were captured by one. Despite his illithid tendencies, the air of superiority, lack of care for non illithid lives, and strange fascination with brains; for what he is, Vaussur’s acted with more humanity than what you imagined a mind flayer was capable of.

You’ve noticed that most of your favorite qualities in him come out when you have his attention.

Though he’s always been imposing and quite frightening, you can’t believe that you’ve… thought what it’d be like to kiss him. At times when he seems to go against his natural instincts, like keeping you away from the feedings, how he praises you when he defends you from other mind flayers, how you were precious to him, and the way he held you protectively whenever you needed to cross their domain.

You’re amazed at yourself when you answer him with “... Alright.”

When you pick your head up from your musings, you startle from how close he was to you. You could see the patterns in his illithid armor, the intricate swirls and spirals, turning to complicated geometries as they reach the edge of the armor, extending from what looks like a mind flayer skull in the middle of the collar area. Long, dark purple robes extend from underneath, covering most of Vaussur’s skin. You withhold the urge to trace your fingers over the shapes.

You look up, way up. You were no stranger to this- even among mind flayers, Vaussur was particularly tall. He loomed over you, your head only reaching somewhere in the middle of his chest, and you’d have to crane your neck whenever he commanded you. But now, with the prospect of… kissing him, he seems all the more imposing. The closes thing you could to kissing him properly would probably be on one of tentacle.

“Um…”

Vaussur makes a strange sound, a sound that tickles your brain. A laugh…?

Before you could worry about what you were about to do, you feel a magic presence all around you, like someone was holding you. Your feet lift off the floor as you’re picked up by his psionic energy, bringing you face to face with him. There’s expectance in his burning gaze, something that makes you feel small and defenseless. You feel his thoughts seeping into your mind, mixing with yours: the want to be closer, of warm affection… and something possessive. You’re not sure if he’s trying to make you feel the same things for him, or if he’s simply communicating with you the way a mind flayer would with each other. It scares you a little, especially feeling his more foreign emotions- but whatever it is, you know he’s being genuine. You don’t sense a hint of malice in all the rush of feelings he’s emanating.

Despite your timidity, you can’t say those feelings were wholly unpleasant. You find you’re actually leaning into it, closing your eyes to try to feel it coursing through you. When you open them, you find the courage to brace your hands on his plated shoulders. Brilliant citrine eyes glance down at them, and you realize how small they must look to him.

Your brows furrow a little as you look for a good place to… kiss an illithid. Your fingers curl, and you try to position your head a bit to the side. You could feel him watching your every move, and you swallow.

You lean in. You could smell him, somewhat like vanilla and something else, and you’re surprised that you like it. Your lips press to the side of his face, above two of his tentacles, and kiss him. Vaussur closes his eyes and hums- you could feel him physically and mentally relax. His skin was strange, smooth and slick with a thin film of something; but you didn’t dislike it.

You pull back, parting with a little cup! as you did. Vaussur looks a little more… floaty, like he was dreaming.

“... Can you do that again?” He murmurs

You purse your lips together, hands letting go to twiddle your fingers, not quite knowing where to look.

Apparently Vaussur takes your hesitation negatively.

“I feel your nervousness, puppet. What’s the matter? … Did you not like it?”

You didn’t know mind flayers could even sound hurt, but he did, though he tried to hide it from you.

“No, no!” you stressed, “I’m just! It’s! … I’m just… shy.”

His eyes widen. You know what he must be reading from your mind right now: curiosity, interest, maybe even… fondness.

When you look at his mouth you feel a mix of emotions. Were you afraid? Were you excited…?  … No you don’t want ot think of what that meant, it’s too much. You stare for his mouth a moment longer while you try to gain the courage to kiss him.

You decided to work up to it.

Your hand reaches for a tentacle tentatively.

“Can I…? Touch your..?”

The tentacle flexes. Vaussur seems clueless as to what you want to do with it, but he lets you have it.

You give it a feather light touch, tracing a finger down its length. You realize how… sensual this feels, and you wonder if mind flayers ever enjoyed the pleasures of the body…? If they could? Vaussus gasps quietly, the tentacle reacting to your touch, twitching closer to you.

You’ve found yourself imagining what it was like to stroke his tentacles, of what would happen. Vaussur closes his eyes, letting you run your hand down. It’s smooth and slick with illithid mucous, cool to the touch, almost slippery. You think you like it. The other tentacles start to curl and sway closer around you, as if looking for your attention. You feel a sudden sense of pride fill you, at the effect you had on this mind flayer, just by touching him lightly.

His tentacles start their own exploration of you; timidly at first, but they quickly gain confidence and start to lavish you with tender caresses. One prods and brushes your cheek. Another traces along your collarbone curiously. The third free tentacle slides behind your back and holds you steady. The one you’re holding- clearly enjoying what you’re doing to it, curls around your arm.

You tittered. It’s like they had minds of their own. You wondered… what would happen if you kissed him on the tentacle?

You lift it up to you and give it a gentle peck.

Apparently, they were sensitive because as soon as you did, claws closed around your back and hips and pulled you flush against Vaussur’s chest, squeaking as he did. He lets out a deep, pleasurable sigh that turns your cheeks red while he grips you tightly, wantingly. You’d always assumed that a mind flayer’s body would feel cold, but even though his skin was covered in fluid, he was warm. Very warm.

So were you.

His golden eyes were glowing brighter than ever, his tentacles caressing you and start to float and curl languidly around you. His mouth is open before you, and your breath mixes with his.

You don’t feel fear.

“Please, my human,” he implores, “teach me. Teach me how you love.”

You didn’t hesitate this time. You felt naturally drawn to him. Willingly, you lean into him, his body, his feelings. You wrap your arms around his neck and somehow, your lips found his mouth and you started to kiss him.

As you expected, kissing Vaussur was nothing like the kisses you’ve experienced with other humans, or even other humanoids. You aren’t sure how to describe it, it felt you were kissing all around you rather than on one single spot, he surrounded you. His tentacles start to wrap you more tightly- around your head and neck. Though the thought of how vulnerable you were in this position with a mind flayer- that he could eat you so easily- did cross your mind, it only did so briefly. You were worried earlier that kissing a mind flayer with their mouths that opened four ways accompanied by lamprey teeth, meant to suction and grind into skulls might feel horrible but… you’re delighted that that wasn’t the case. The sensation of having him surround you and hold you so lovingly tightly was quite pleasant.

He hums, the sound vibrating around you. He starts floating backwards with you, slowly settling into his bed, his hands wandering, feeling you. You could feel him in your mind again, but he wasn’t intruding. It felt more like he was asking for your permission. You happily let him in, and you feel yourself cradled by his thoughts: soft, warm adoration for you.

Despite what the natural order tells you, you felt safe with him.

Vaussur had seemed confused earlier, not knowing what to do with himself while you spoiled him with your kisses, but he’d started becoming more confident, evident from the way he holds you and the tentacles’ affectionate touches. He starts taking control, sitting up a little and folding you backwards, reciprocating your kiss with new fervor, deepening it. His claws start to dig into you possessively, and you squeak, his power overwhelming you.

A flood of satisfaction floods your brain, and it isn’t yours.

I like those sounds. Vaussur’s voice purrs in your mind. Give me more.

You gasp and mewl, squirming in his hold, which only excites the illithid more, tentacles winding around your head tighter. One hand manages to stray from the tangle of limbs, only to quickly get reclaimed by his slender fingers, entwining with yours.

Don’t be scared, sweet human. He teases diabolically, I promise I won’t eat that delicious mind of yours. You’re safe with me.

You don’t know how long he kept you like that, hungrily taking your mouth while his hands and tentacles wander. When he was finally sated, Vaussur gently pries his tendrils off your face, and lets you go. You take a gasp of air, the blood in your head slowly draining away, and you cool down. You could feel warm imprints on your face where his tentacles and mouth were. Already, you find yourself missing the closeness you shared, his warm mouth on yours.

It felt like he was sucking your face in the best ways.

… You feel scandalized by your own thoughts, and you cover your mouth bashfully.

“I felt that.”

Damn it!

Vaussur chuckles, his eyes flickering with smugness. His gaze wanders over your face, like he was admiring his ‘work’.

He looks happy, eyes crinkling at you.

“Just like I promised. Your mind is still yours, untouched, undigested. Though… there are marks on your face. I rather like it.”

You don’t know how red your face is right now, fingers scrambling on it as if you could see it better that way.

“W-what?”

He chuckles again, and your frantic thoughts stop when a finger brushes your cheek.

“Thank you. For showing me that, puppet.”

Slowly, you smile, small and demure. “Your… welcome. Thank you for keeping my mind safe. I…” you swallowed, laughing nervously, “I liked it.”

Oh. Oh, he liked that.

“I did too. Immensely. You’re… incredible.” He praises you. “I would not be opposed to it if we did it again.”

You’re suddenly intimately aware of the fact that you were on his lap, practically straddling him, his arms keeping you close. He’s just invited you to another kiss, and you… like that idea. Sheepishly, you say the same.

“I… I wouldn’t either.”

You’re hoping you’ll get to kiss him again soon. Maybe more.

He lays you down beside him, and as he presses the top of his tentacles to your head, you realize it was his attempt at giving you a peck. You smile, and you instinctively curl into him, tentacles floating around you protectively.

Rest, human. He urges. You’ve done a lot today. Sleep.

You let him mentally compel you. It was nice, being able to sleep whenever you wanted without having to toss and turn before hand. You feel sleep quickly take you and your eyes fall close.

…

Vaussur stays up a bit longer after you, admiring his pretty ‘thrall’ that he feels lucky to have found. His fingers comb through your hair and behind your ear.

You’re… extraordinary.

You smile in your sleep as response. He thinks that might be the prettiest thing he’s seen in his illithid life: you being happy while you were with him.

He doesn’t think these soft, tender feelings are natural for a mind flayer. He wonders if he inhabits a human body.

You curl a little, trying to escape the chill, and Vaussur pulls a blanket up to you, and covers you. He needs to rest soon too, to shed his armor and sink into bed with you by his side.

His small… cute… vulnerable little human.

Whatever he may be in his previous life before the ceremorphosis, one thing is clear to him now.

He loves you.

And no one else can have you.

[wielderofthechainsaw]

IM GONNA GO ON A RAMBLE ABOUT BARNABY BECAUSE I FUCUCUCIDUUDIDUD ARE UP IR LOVE GIM

OK

So

IM BEING SO FR BARNABY IS THE BEST BBU CHARACTER AND I HAVE VALID REASONING

HE HAS A CASTLE/MANOR LIKE BUDDYS RICH AF FOR THAT HE GOT FUCKING CUSTOM COFFIN WINDOWS AND EVERYTHING HUBBA HUBBA 😍(BIG J I DONT SIMP FOR HIM)

HE GOES BY ALL PRONOUNS LIKE A BADDIE LIKE HES A OARTY PLANNER HE DOESNT HAVE TIME FOR PRONOUNS YOU WOKE BASTARDS

AUTISTIC KING😝😝😝

HIS LAUGH IS MADE OF SILLY LITTLE OWL HOOTS ITS SO CUTE

HE WEARS PINK. AND I MEAN A BEAUTIFUL SHADE OF PINK LIKE LOOK

ITS SO PRETTY I CANT😭🙏

6. HES PLAYED BY ALASTORS OLD SINGING VOICE AND HAS A SUPER WIDE VOCAL RANGE BECAUSE HES A THESPIAN

7. TRAUMA🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

8. HIS MOUTH AND EYES ARE INSPIRED BY JACK-O-LANTERNS AND ITS SO COOL

9. HIS SONG IS DTRAIGHT FIRE IM LISTENING TO IT AS I TYPE THIS 🔥🔥

10. No seriously listen to it its called “a million gruesome ways to die” its on Spotify an dyoutube

11. HE’LL KILL YOU FREE OF CHARGE LIKE ZAMN HONEY I CAN STAY IN YOUR CASTLE FOR THE LOW PRICE OF MY MORTALITY AWOOGA 😘😘😘😘

12. HE USED TO BE OBSESSED WITH CHEMISTRY AND SCIENCE AND FANCY CHEESES AND ITS SO CUTE

FUCK HES SO SILLY OK OK MOVING ON

13. HE HAS THESE LITTLE ASSISTANTS CALLED BARNABOOS AND IM GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF BECASUE THAT NAME IS BOMB DIGGITY🤭🤭🤭

14. HE LOOKS LIKE A HARPY EAGLE LOWKEY EVEN THOUGH HES AN OWL SO THATS TWO OF MY FAV BIRDS IN ONE WTFFFFF

^ fullscreen to see what i mean

15. MY HANDS ARE STARTKNG TO CRAMP DO THISLL BE THE LAST ONE BUT HIS BOWTIE IN-GAME LOOKS LIKE MINNIE MOUSES LOWKEY

OK BYE

EDIT: MY HANDS FEEL BETTER AND I HAVE MORE

16: HE CAN HOLD HIS TRUSTY KNIFE WITH HIS FEET LIKE A GIRLBOSS BECAUSE ITS HARD TO HOLD THINGS WITH HIS WINGS IG

17. HE CAN STRETCH HIS LIMBS AND NECK LIKE ELASTAGIRL OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS

18. I LOVE HALLOWEEN AND HIS ENTIRE THEME IS HALLOWEEN AND THATS SO CUTE IMO

19. THERES A VIDEO ON THE OFFICAL BBU CHANNEL OF HIM BEING A JUDGE AND SCREAMS “SHUT UP!” TO THE JURY OF HIS BARNABOOS AND ITS SO SILLY

20. I LIKE TALL MEN AND BUDDYS PROBABLY OVER 60 FEET TALL

21. HIS VOICE IS SO CUTE

22. HERES A DRAWING OF HIM I MADE TO SHOW HOW BESUTIFUL HE IS (his face is right side up on purpose btw)

OK THATS ALL FOR NOW, DEUCES‼️

Tell me why two barnaby rp accounts liked this post

@an-theduckin i remember you saying you wnated me to tag you in my rambles so here you go

[cutestkilla]

Hello Wednesday, you snuck up on me there! Thanks for the tags today and earlier in the week @aristocratic-otter @confused-bi-queer @wetheformidables @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @erzbethluna @artsyunderstudy @ionlydrinkhotwater and @facewithoutheart, as always reading your work brightened my day so much.

And now for a stupidly long snip of Baz POV from my Prompt Fest fic which is a canon divergence of a very specific scene:

“What are you doing?”  The moron has the gall to look completely guileless. “Taking a shower. What’s your problem?” “Do you want a list, Snow?” I imagine saying, counting off my problems for him on my fingers. “Let’s see… I’m the worst dark creature that’s ever been turned, who can’t even fight off a few numpties, and is now quite literally afraid of the dark.  “I’m tired, I’m thirsty, I’m in pain, I’m so fucking cold, and all I wanted was to come up here to the one place I feel truly at home and bask in the familiarity of some light bickering.  “Instead I find you here half-naked and glistening like a Christmas ham and – since frustrating me sexually apparently isn’t quite enough for you – hold the cranberry glaze and replace it with multiple open wounds oozing blood all over your ludicrously handsome face.  “I’m surprised I’m not making cartoon awooga eyes, Snow,” I’d go on. “Crowley, you’re practically begging me to do something I’ll regret, never mind that my ability to resist has been worn thinner than your threadbare excuse for a wardrobe by being literally tortured for weeks by the stupidest creatures in the magickal world. “Only, I must be the stupidest creature, because I thought coming back to the endless background torment of sharing a room with my beloved future murderer would actually make me feel better. And here you are, killing me without even using your sword.” Then I imagine myself limping over, taking him by the jaw, and licking the blood off his chin. And since his mouth would be hanging open (as always), I imagine sneaking my tongue in there too, just for good measure. The natural conclusion of which would be to immediately light myself on fire, to save Snow having to kill me himself, and so I’d at least be warm for a few seconds before making my grand entrance to whatever cursed afterlife surely awaits me. “Mission accomplished, Snow,” I’d say as my body turned to ash and drifted away on the breeze from the window he insists on leaving open. “P.S. I love you.” Instead, I simply snarl at him through gritted teeth.  “You.” Without breaking eye contact, I toss my now empty school bag down on my bed. “Always you.”

Share tags and high fives under the cut!

@creepyspice @fatalfangirl @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @captain-aralias  @bookish-bogwitch @gekkoinapeartree @ivelovedhimthroughworse @whatevertheweather   @martsonmars @johnwgrey @urban-sith @technetiumai @takitalks @moodandmist @angelsfalling16 @excalisbury @mrskrementz @sillyunicorn  @forabeatofadrum @kherub @letraspal @bazzybelle @phoxphyre @ileadacharmedlife @frjsti @tea-brigade @mostlymaudlin @im-gettingby @otherworldsivelivedin @basiltonbutliketheherb @palimpsessed @messofthejess @nightimedreamersworld  @castawaypitch @stardustasincocaine @whogaveyoupermission  @soho-x @kohatenz @raenestee @asticou

[chloeangelic]

The Ranch - Tommy Miller x Chloe Angelic

In celebration of 1.5k followers, I have written a mini series of cringey, satirical smut fics featuring myself and the guys from TLOU2, i.e. Owen, Manny, Tommy and Joel.

In case you're new here; this does not reflect my usual writing!!! If you want to read my serious fics (Joel Miller x f!reader) find them on my masterlist. 

Summary: Chloe gets dicked down by Tommy in celebration of 1.5k followers.  

Warnings: Badly written smut, cringe, extreme ego stroking, ass eating, unprotected PIV. 

Word count: 174 Rating: 18+ explicit

Chloe meets Tommy Miller at a bar. “Tommy need a drinky” he says and points at the table, then sees Chloe. “Howdy partner” he says, “Wanna save a horse, ride a cowboy?”. Chloe says yes, she would like to ride a cowboy, and she’s pretty sure that means getting laid. 

He drives her back to his place and says, “This is my daddy's ranch. I live here with my brother”. “That’s cool” Chloe says. They go inside, and Tommy says “awooga, awooga” as she walks in front of him into his bedroom. She gets undressed and Tommy holds his belt buckle and whistles. Then he takes his clothes off. 

Tommy eats Chloe’s ass, he’s a real freak. Then she gets on top. “Yeah, I’m a fuckin’ contractor” Tommy says while Chloe is riding him. Chloe comes. “This is so much better than a mechanical bull,” Chloe says, “I’m not gonna get thrown off". Tommy laughs and comes while he says “Yeehaw, ma’am”. Then he proposes, and Chloe gets her own cow at the ranch.

I have ditched my taglists, due to the majority of tags not working, and have created a notifications blog instead. Follow Angelic Notifs and turn your notifications on if you want my new fics served directly to you!

[lordharmonia-andcolress]

how would you react to someone saying "awooga" in relation to you (asking for another anon so they dont get Murdered or smth)

Disgusting. Absolutely revolting. Why is that even a thought you would have in regards to myself??

//

ooc- i do not blame you in the slightest i too am attracted to him but unfortunately he is aroace

[raylex]

can u infodump about all the different versions of rayman 2 and what u like/dislike about each and which is your fave I am BEGGING to hear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OF COURSE!!! OF COURSE I CAN HEHEHE THANK YOU FOR ASKING, I LOVE GETTING THE CHANCE TO JUST. RAMBLE.

okay, so. I think the definitive version of rayman 2 would be considered by most to be the dreamcast version. it's kind of the smoothest version of the game and has the best graphics along with highest framerate if I'm not mistaken. along with that it's almost entirely faithful to the original pc/n64 release without straying too much away from it like some other versions did. I've never personally played the dreamcast version (though I really should!), but yeah, I hear it's the best one!

I, myself, have played the pc version and revolution. the pc version of the game is pretty good! I will say though it runs like trash on modern hardware, it took me ages to get it to work the first time I played it. even playing the game on an emulator is faster and easier to set up than trying to get the official pc release to work. (thank you ray2fix and rayman control panel, you are angels sent from the heavens). I'm doing a replay of it right now, and I can't exit out of the game's window while playing it, or the game crashes... so, that's fun 😅

my personal favourite version is - as I mentioned being the other one I played - REVOLUTION! the ps2 port/remaster. it's so good. I adore the new voiceacting they added ('new' as in the ps1 version was the only other one to have voiceacting, but it was still very much there). they had much better vocal directing and line delivery than the ps1 version of the game!

one thing I especially adore about this version is the HUB WORLDS - I am a sucker for open-world hubs and it just brings me so much joy. makes my brain do a lil happy dance. I like all the new stuff they added to this version! though I can completely understand if some people might think it's bloated - it's got so much new content that at times it almost feels like a different game entirely. I like it, though! (also 'rayman revolution' is in general a very badass game title and VERY fitting for the game's plot).

then there's... oh boy, the ps1 version. it's not good. it's, uh, it's kind of off doing its own thing, LOL. it's got the worst graphics, some... very strange voiceacting, and it's missing a ton of levels (as well as the final boss of the game being redone entirely. and it's bad). this is generally regarded as the worst version of the game, and that's well deserved (sorry ps1... still love you).

there's the n64 version, which, along with the pc version, is an og. these are just sorta regarded as the 'base' game versions. I don't have much to say about the n64 version. it's pretty alright.

now, there are more releases than just this - seriously, rayman 2 has been ported to every goddamn piece of technology imaginable, you can probably play it on your microwave. but these are the main ones!

ANYWAYS, again, thank you for the ask!!! have some artwork from the game that always makes me laugh as a token of my gratitude.

he looks like he's going 'AWOOGA'

[scripture-digital]

Green, mean, seemingly radioactive - what a wonderful fit!

Hoo boy, okay, I admit - I go awooga hummina hummina bazoingo (etc...) when I see anything REMOTELY resembling this. Not sure why, I suppose I hold the most respect for all-out, especially when pure (this isn’t the purest I’ve seen, but damn is it beautiful).

The way similar textures interact, how they still find their own places on the limbs, the shreeded tights and the varying hues, the CYBERLOX - how wonderful. I wish I knew where she got her gas mask from, and how she did her eyeliner so nicely (I need to get on posting more makeup-spo, for my sake....), HOW she shredded her tights so nicely. It looks like black spiderweb, or like that one image I have in my computer... (posted below)

^ this thing. I don’t know what made this, but it’s really cool ain’t it?

Anyways, dream tights. I think I’ve seen her cyberlox up for sale in the cyberloxshop before (I dream of buying a pair of their cyberfalls myself, although I do have to resort to diy for multiple reasons - respect though), perhaps part of their predators? I don’t know, I haven’t actually been on the cyberloxshop in a long, long time. If these are handmade by either the model herself or someone that does not specialise in cybergothic creations full-time, respect. Her falls look absolutely FANTASTIC.

This may not be the wildest cybergoth co-ord, but if you hit the rave with this be sure that all eyes will be on you. Which reminds me, I should really work on my dancing... Haven’t in a while (she inspires me).

Sadly I don’t know who she is, or if she has more stuff like this, tineye isn’t giving much, and I got this off Pinterest of all places (half-explains the oatmeal quality all of my images have... AI upscalers have truly failed me).

I wonder how wild she had to go with her scissors to create those wonderful sleeve holes (? sounds odd LOL) - they just add so much life to an otherwise plain piece (note to self: destroy your whole wardrobe it is very benefishial). I can’t see her torso clearly, nor her skirt (I think she’s wearing a skirt), so I can’t comment on those, except...

WHERE’S HER CORSET!!!!

Okay fine cybergoth doesn’t require 24/7 corsertry practice, but it’d just bring this outfit together SO much more, especially if the lacing hoops were arranged nicely, or if the ribbon used for the lacing itself was funky - thinking acid green with splashes of black (perhaps splatter some bleach on it then go wild with the black fabric paint wherever that landed).

Either way, this is amazing. Truly incredible, even. I’d pay decently to have something like this (complete fit, etc) in my own wardrobe RIGHT NOW, but alas.

Her belt’s a bit plain as is her torso - again, el corseto bias etc... But also why not wear a graphic t-shirt instead? Wild shirts are pretty fucking cool, I’ve got like 2 of them myself and they glow NEON GREEN in the dark!! It’s really sick lol, I loves those things to bits also.

And last but not least, can I just say how much I love that neon green splatter effect filter? Very chic, probably a photoshop thing and it’s cool as hell. I love janky filters no matter what (unless they are vaporwave - I do like vaporwave but not people that like vaporwave also...).

8.5/10, would’ve been a 9 if corset present (I have a bias as a pro-corsetter, I love those things to death).

It’s as shrimple as that.

[rune-chaser]

16 and 20 with Lake, 30 and 31 with Wolf?

LAKE

16. What makes their stomach turn?

EXTREME gore, innards and the such. Being a cleric she has dealt with it from time to time, but it's never a good time AS YOU WOULD EXPECT.

Rouge Angels as well, Other types she can deal with as well as most can in this universe. Rouges though the fear that they instill in her is DEEP.

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

OH I LIKE THIS ONE FOR LAKE "Familial is easy, it's something intrinsic to your chest. That sits squarely in your heart. That once it's there it can never be removed. Only changed. Romantic is, well I can't grasp that too well, all I have heard seems, confusing. And I'm unsure if I'm quite right with my thoughts on it. Platonic is what I think of most myself! It's fostered and nurtured and chosen... and the most hard worked for." Lake, in arolesbian: UH.

WOLF

30.  Who do they most regret meeting?

Can I say her son Dart? Am I allowed to say him???? That does not feel like it qualifies for Meeting bUT ALSO- LIKE MAN-

Out of the characters I got so far, I'm going to say Sunbeam instead, because I feel Wolf's regrets for Dart are more in how she raised him. SUNBEAM THOUGH was a choice to invite him in and keep him around. And then he's been the most openly opposed to her leadership. Which she is NOT happy about.

31. Who are they the most glad to have met? 

LAKE it's Lake for sure. Bloom is RIGHT there after her though. Bloom is her best friend and they have similar thoughts on how to lead and in their world views. WITH LAKE besides a general Awooga vibe. There is a tether between them, with Wolf as the Leader and Lake a Cleric. They both have ties to The Ancients that only the other can understand. While the nature of their tether differs in perception from Wolf and Lake. Wolf cannot imagine a life without Lake.

[slashingdisneypasta]

aww I’m flattered you guys liked my ask! ^^ and that you’re calling it a fic even… I feel like I put a postcard with smudged writing into your mailbox and you’re thanking me for the nice letter lol…

but what can I say, I see a hot villain and get the normal instant reaction to insert myself into the narrative…

but seriously tzekel-kan is sooo good. bloodthirsty, fanatical, eccentric, suave, A+ voice & line delivery, the aquiline nose, the cheekbones, the ponytail and how he’s kind of fit? and apparently he’s in his mid 40s and that only makes things better :3c

it feels so good to latch onto a new character!! I feel like that cartoon wolf losing my sh*t going AWOOGA lol

Linking: @marinerainbow

Anon I would love to receive a smudged postcard!! XDD ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

Oh I completely get that reaction, uts very familiar to me 🤣

Ahh! Your descriptions just keep getting better! XD Thank you again! 😄

[frischkasekuchen]

Yandere! Professor! Vanya x Reader

Credits:

thriftlita - Vanya

Content Warnings:

Teacher/Student Relationship

Drugging

Kidnapping

References to animal death/animals get harmed

Blood and General Violence

Slight body horror

Stalking

Swearing

(Author's note: Romance is not my forte, so please forgive me if a good chunk of the plot is unsatisfactory (Vanya is a tad bit OOC in this fic). Reader-chan is 18+, but Teacher/Student relationships are illegal. If you have any concerns or questions about the content, please feel free to send me an ask. With that said... (bangs pots and pans) HEY SHRINE MAIDENS! @pearlsongfromstuff, @shu-dzhoker- COME GET Y'ALL FOOD! Happy Valentine's Day to all!)

First Week of Uni. Sept. 20XX

You wandered around the school, hauling around a KFC family meal. Of course, you wouldn’t have ordered such a large meal of your own volition, but you were already out the door after you noticed your bag was heavier than usual. Now, you were just looking for a quiet place to eat, since you hadn’t made any friends to hang out with (It was a hard-knock life being a social science major, wasn’t it?). 

Scoping out the lecture halls, you could hear students murmuring and professors, of course, lecturing. Walking down the hall, you pressed your ear to the last door labeled “ENGINEERING”. …No sound. You give the door a small knock.

A voice comes from the door. “Come in.”

You pull the door ajar and poke your head through, surveying the room. 

You step through the door and shut it behind you. The lecture hall is…clean to your pleasant surprise. You honestly thought that the room would stink of oil and be cluttered with scrap metal. Before you stood before the professor, who appeared to be critiquing students’ blueprints. A brunette with a shock of white streaking through his hair. Reading glasses slipping down his large, crooked nose. Focused, cornflower eyes, a black turtleneck that hugs his muscles just right-

No (Y/N)! You are not thirsting for a man just met! This is NOT one of those shitty romance novels you read! Just. Act. Normal!

“Um, good afternoon Professor…?”

“Bazarov.” he added, “Can I help you?”

Oh God, that rumble, that thick accent AWOOGA-

“Oh, um, I just wanted to be somewhere quiet. Cafeteria’s kinda loud. I could leave if I’m intruding.”

He waves off your concern with a smile. “No, you can stay. Just clean up after yourself, all right?”

“Oh- uh- okay!”  You sit behind one of the desks, looking through the paper bag. You found a spoon, along with a container of mashed potato and gravy. “Excuse me, sir.” you pipe up, holding out the items, “Have you eaten lunch yet?”

“Ah,” he looks at the clock above him, “Haven’t actually.”

“I can’t eat this whole thing by myself so…Do you eat mashed potato?”

For a second, you see a pink tint on his cheeks, flabbergasted. He walks over to your desk and you move over so he can sit beside you.“Thank you, I’ll have to repay you later.” 

Your face warms, “Your welcome. You don’t have to do anything for me though, I’m just happy you won’t starve till classes are out.”

You both spend the next ten minutes eating and making small talk. He asks about your parents, your major, your hobbies(he seems to be into some of them too), …if you’re taken at the moment. You flushed at the question and confessed that you were a single pringle for the time being

As you clean up after yourselves, your mom calls you, letting you know she’s in the parking lot. As you bid him goodbye, he asks “Before you go, what is your name?”

You mentally facepalm; you ate lunch with this guy and you never introduced yourself?

“(Y/N)! (Y/N) (L/N)!” you say before rushing out the door, heaving your bag over your shoulder. “Have a good day!”

“You too, dear!”

When you get into your mother’s car, the “dear” finally hits you. 

Your face burns up to hell. 

***

Last Week Before Finals, Dec. 20XX

You awaken with a startle after a stranger puts their hand on your shoulder. Your head snaps up to see a familiar face beside you. “O-Oh! Pro. Bazarov?” 

He gives you a trademark, warm smile. “Good evening. I found this near one of your classes.” The professor places a paperback on the desk, the cover features a mask and a whip, along with a title in crimson, graceful calligraphy . “Is this yours-?”

You slap an arm down on it and drag it over to yourself, hunching over it. “IT’S- it’s- it’s my mom’s Christmas present! It’s one of her guilty pleasures. Loves this author- loves them!” you squeak, lightheaded from all of the blood rushing to your face. 

“I’m glad I found it then.” The older man chuckles, and you suspect that he’s seen through your perfectly worded falsehood. To your relief, he changes the subject. “What are you doing at the library so late, hmm? You’re never here after dark.”

“Oh- um…I needed internet.”, you slump in your chair, crossing your ankles. “The whole neighborhood’s power went out this morning, and I really need to finish this essay.”

“When is it due?” he asks as he bends over to look at your assignment.

“Tonight; midnight, actually.”

“What will you do after the library closes?”

You roll your eyes as you sit back up. “I mean, I have an hour left, right?”

“It’s 7:55; the library closes in five minutes.”

Your eyes snap open, as though you heard footsteps while you were home alone. “No- wait!” your eyes dart to your laptop’s clock.

7:57 pm

FUCK.

“Godammit!” you squeak, shutting down your laptop and sloppily shoving your charger and books into your bag. “Shit, shit, shit!”

You feel tears prick your eyes as your brain begins to catastrophize in overdrive.

You’re on scholarship. This is the week before finals. You can’t risk a failing grade. You can’t afford university. Your grades are going to drop. You won’t be able to study. Your parents will kick you out. You’ll have to work minimum wage. You’ll be homeless. You’ll die. You weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for this-

A calloused hand wipes a tear from your face. Oh shit, did you start crying? “Hush, no tears little bird.” 

“I’m sorry.” you sob, “I just- just-!” You take a deep breath and scrape the tears off your face, but your mouth is still wrenched into a frown. 

“No worries. You could stay over at my house and finish the assignment there, if you don’t mind.”

Your muscles stop straining a frown on your face at those words. “Really? Do I…need to pay you back or something?”

“No,no. I need to pay you back. Besides, you’re already having a hard time.” without a cue, he picks up your bag and heads towards the ground floor. 

“Oh, thanks! W-wait up!” you forget to push your chair in as you chase him down the stairs.

***

Pro. Bazarov is a speedemon, you learn after he passes two or four (maybe five???) red lights. Shockingly enough, not a single officer pulled you over. Either the professor was too fast to be identified or the local force was just used to him. When the road turns into a path in the woods, he slows down, to the relief of your turning stomach. 

In a clearing, Pro. Bazarov pulls up to a cabin with a chicken coop and a …cow pen? 

“You have animals?” you ask, awe in your voice.

“Is cheaper in the long run. If I want milk, cheese or eggs; it’s here.” he answers with a shrug, taking the key out of the ignition. 

“You make cheese?”

“Eh, easier said than done. But it’s better than the plastic they sell at the supermarket.”

Oh my God, is he talking about sandwich cheddar?

As you slide out of your seat and onto the snow sprinkled soil, you hear something thumping. Panting.

All of a sudden, your legs are attacked by a furry mass of fury. You squeal in terror as you squirm back into the car with canines snapping at your ankles. 

The professor comes over to your side and yells, “Medukva, ostanovka! They’re a guest.”

The bear (dog???) stops haranguing you, stepping back but still staring at you. Gingerly, you step back out, keeping your eyes on the bear(?). The animal approaches you, sniffing and brushing around your legs. “My apologies, she’s territorial.” 

“Heyyyy there.” you speak warily, “Do you think I can pet her?”

“You can, I’m sure she won’t bite.”

You put a hand on Medy’s head and stroke it. A pleasant rumble comes from her and she leans into your hand. “Aww, she’s adorable when she’s not trying to kill me.”

The professor takes your hand and waves off Medy, “Come along now, you still have an essay to finish, don’t you?”

“Oh- yes!” you follow him inside the house obediently.

***

Your essay is finished and submitted, you pump two hands. “DONE!” 

The professor walks in, in nothing but sweatpants and a black tank top (ohhh Goddd you can see his muscles), and reeks of yeast and flour. “Good job.”

“I was really overthinking the word count. I went over it, actually.” you run a hand through your hair habitually. 

“I’m going to say this, since you probably do not hear this enough.” He walks over and embraces you. You squawk as you feel a hand stroke your back . “I’m proud of you.” he murmurs in a tone so intimate. 

He pulls away from you, ignoring your embarrassed state. “Would you like some bread? It’s fresh out of the oven.”

He’s a malewife.

“Yes please!” you leave your laptop to charge in his study. 

Going down the hall to the kitchen, you see framed photos of a much younger professor, accompanied by a young boy or two. The photo above the kitchen’s doorway presents the professor smiling at the camera and a tiny, green-eyed version of him pouting.

“Professor? Who’re the kids in the photos?” you ask impolitely. Damn, that was too forward.

“Oh, those are my sons.”

“Sons?” you walk over to a rectangular table with four chairs. You take a seat at the right and slouch a little. “I was under the impression you lived alone.”

He places a plate of butter in the middle of the table. “I do live alone.”

Oh. “I see, sorry I asked, professor.” 

“No need for apologies.” he says as he places a plate of bread in front of you. “And you don’t have to refer to me so formally. Just call me Vanya.”

“Yes sir, I mean- Vanya.”

***

Vanya leads you down a corridor and pulls out a set of keys. Plucking one off of the ring, he unlocks the middle door. “You’ll be sleeping here, all right?” He hands the key to you and pushes the door open. The room is simple; there’s a small bed in the corner with a night stand beside it, and a mirror on the other end of the room. “Is this room suitable? If not, I wouldn’t mind sharing my bed with you.”

You shake your head furiously, “N-no! The room’s fine; I’m good. Goodnight!” Before you can make your retreat, he catches you by the shoulder. “Vanya?” His hand crawls up your neck and cups your cheek, a thumb stroking it. A shiver runs up your spine. “W-What’s up?”

Vanya leans in, your noses nearly touching. “You always get so red around me. Dear me, you’re as red as a rose. It’s adorable.”  His thumb brushes your lips. 

Vanya kisses you on your forehead. You think you would have died if he kissed you on the mouth.

“Sweet dreams, little bird. Bathroom’s the last door on the end, okay?”

You give him a nod, and he leaves you standing dumbfounded in the doorway.

***

When you wake up, the sun’s not out but the sky’s gotten brighter. You instinctively feel around for your phone, and when you find nothing, you remember that you left it in Vanya’s study. You got up out of bed, and left your bedroom, going left of the kitchen, back to the study.

You open the door to see that your devices are missing. Just great.

You go over to the dining hall to find the ring of keys and a note on the table. You pick it up and read it. 

Good morning, (Y/N). If you are reading this, I am outside checking my traps, or tending to the animals.

Oh my, a huntsman too?

There is kasha and coffee on the stove. Help yourself to some coffee and porridge, if you’d like.

Vanya

P.S: Sugar and cream are in the left cupboard and I’d recommend having some candied fruit with the kasha; those are in the cabinet just before the cream and sugar.

You peered over at the stove to see a steaming kettle and pot. Is he spoiling you, or courting you? Does he think you’re starving just because you’re a college student (let’s be honest, you’ve been living on fast food and frozen dinners for a month)? You look at the clock and see that it’s 6:30.

Weird, your phone should’ve gone off by now-

BEEP. BEEP.  BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

There’s the loud and obnoxious bitch. 

You hear it coming from below you. You follow the sound through the floorboards, and it leads you to a cellar door. It’s locked of course, but you have the keys. You Naruto run to and from the kitchen, swiping the keys. After the first five keys, the sixth key works. You open a door to darkness. You feel the walls for a light switch, you find one and flick it on. A small hanging lightbulb illuminates the room. 

You regret turning on the light. You regret going down the stairs.

You walk up to a desk with your noisy phone, laptop, and student file. You pick up the folder, look it over.

Your address is underlined.

Taking your phone and shutting off that stupid alarm, you open one of the desk’s drawers. Inside it lay photos of you and a digital camera. You pick one of the photos and you recognize the area, the time of day by the sun’s flare.

These photos were taken at your orientation.

At the back of the drawer, the reality of your situation sets in. Wire cutters.

OH FUCK.

He took your devices so you couldn’t contact the outside.

You place all of the items on the desk. You turn on your phone to see notifications of your mom’s panicked texts. You simply reply with

Me: Call the cops.

You open your camera app and start taking live video. You back up with your phone outstretched, so future viewers can see the evidence and the room. You back up to the door; the final shot looks like you’re showing off a Minecraft build.

You’re yanked through the doorway and your phone slips from your hand and falls into the cellar. The house keys are torn off your wrist. The door slams shut, locks, and Vanya keeps a palm on it for good measure. He stinks of soil and blood.

You both meet eyes, but not in the sexy, dominating manner you’ve seen in bodice rippers. While his stature looms over you, you can see panic in his shrunken pupils. You can’t fight Pro. Bazarov, a man who has built muscle from years of constant labor. So, you do the next best thing-

You run to the kitchen.

You practically bodyslam into the backdoor, the knob digging into the fat of your side. You push yourself off the door to grab the knob and twist and twist and twist- it’s locked.

Pro. Bazarov comes thundering in behind you, and you quickly dive under the table. As you get to your knees, the professor does the same and pins you on the oven. You’re both pressed flush against one another, and the only free parts of your body are your arms, which you flail about defiantly. He catches you by your left arm and pins it down, “Calm down! Just let me explain!”

“Explain what?!” you screech as you try to buck him off with your hips, it’s an exercise in futility though. You search the stove for something, anything to grab. You find a handle, and bring it down on Pro. Bazarov’s head. In a second the man is covered in hot porridge and wacked over the head with a hot pot. He throws himself back, going down and taking the table with him.

“AGGGHHHH!”

He drops the keys.

You snatch the keys and bolt for the back door once more. Luckily, the first key works and you bolt out into the winter morning. Who gives a shit about a sweater or shoes? You’re escaping a criminal dammit. 

Unfortunately, Medy comes bolting after you, teeth bared. You take a look at your surroundings, and spot a bear trap in the snow. You go around it, but Medy ignores that. You don’t look behind you as you hear her howl in pain. “Sorry.” you whisper.

Now you’re tearing through the trees, bolting across frozen streams and looking for an end to the trees.

Poignantly, you never really escape. 

As you pass two birch trees, grown as though they were a gate to the fae, the ground gives out beneath you.

“NO!”

You fall into a pit. A sickening crunch could be heard as your leg broke. You scream and sobbed like you’ve never before. You curl up into a fetal position and leave your broken leg laying free as though it does not belong to you. Before you is a dark hall that mocks you.

***

You wake up to a warm hand on your face. 

You open your eyes to see-

A bandaged Pro. Bazarov caressing your face.

“No. Nonononononononononononononononono.” you go on and on, knowing that you cannot run this time.

“Look what you’ve gone and done.” his voice is a scolding whisper, he strokes the thigh of your broken leg. “You’ve gone and hurt yourself. This is why you should’ve stayed.”

You look past him to see another person standing behind him, you cannot make them out with your vision, blurry from crying. The professor looks to the stranger, “Would you mind holding them down? I cannot do two jobs at once.” They nod at him.

The stranger walks behind you and sits you in their lap. Using one hand, they grab you by the wrists and press your hands into your lap. Their other hand grips you by the chin, revealing your neck. 

You gasp as a needle is pressed into your neck. 

You don’t fight back, what’s the point?

“Good,” the professor coos. “You’re being so good for me right now.”

When he removes the syringe, the stranger drops you on your back. 

“Zaichik, don’t be so rough with them.” 

“Whatever.” the stranger says with a vocal eyeroll. “Hope they’re worth it, old man.”

The last thing you see is a black cloth being thrown over you.

[yuukei-yikes]

i’m so curious to hear more about how the haruka and shintaro relationship develops post str. bc like there’s konoha and also the mess with shinaya and shintaro and takanes messed up dynamic and i just read your thing about how takane and shintaros friendship plays out and like… i’m so curious how or if haruka and shintaro ever get back to a good place and like how much do they even interact outside the quartet and can they even have a relationship separate from takane

YEAHYEAHYEAH WOOOO WOOOO guess what. this one also got too long💗 whatever. deal with it

i think haruka and shintaro are rly quick to go back to their old dynamic!!! but erm. ok here's the thing.

SORRY TO GET ALL ANNOYING ABT THIS AGAIN i answered this in an ask a few weeks ago BUT i am gonna repeat. it pisses me off SOOOOO MUCH that shintaro is totally normal to haruka and just a dickhead to ayano&takane. i accidentally went on a rant abt the misogynistic writing in shintaro/in general lollll and i might do it again💗 i will do it again. sorry, because when it comes to haruka & shintaro's dynamic this is SO difficult for me to get past i just can't do it so HERE I GO AGAIN:

because it pisses me off too that haruka just doesn't say anything. i WILL get to ur question i will get to haruka&shintaro post str about the whole shinaya and codependent shintaka shitshow but i need u to hear me out for a second first. YES I KNOW IM REPEATING MYSELF WHATEVER

so i know haruka not saying anything and doing stuff like Lying to takane abt hanging out with shintaro bc he knows she hates him etcetc is rather like. haruka's like theyre both my friends i hate they can't get along :( and i know its written this way because writer doesn't see the issue in question in the first place. like i said i hate how takane is always put at the level of shintaro as if she isn't defending herself. ayano just lets shintaro walk all over her + haruka is either oblivious or too spineless to say anything and takane's fighting for her life LOL like she's not stupid she knows why shintaro is a dick to her. and like damn takane was SO nice to shintaro when she first meets him and shintaro is the one to start their shitty dynamic in the hs days because he decided he hated her right off the bat without even knowing who she was. he just stood in a 2 or 3 hour line to whine abt ohh u think ur such a big shot because all these ppl think ur cool and the funny thing is that takane AT NO POINT EVER thinks this and is the total opposite, she was crying her eyes out the whole day at being exposed and having all these people here. shintaro didnt know shit. like truly what is the reason he did this other than AUUGGHH GIRLS DONT PLAY VIDEOGAMES😡😡😡 HES SO RIDICULOUS Like if he had been mean to haruka too later, I'd let it pass it'd be like ok yeah ig shintaro's wholeheartedly just a fucking asshole and who knows what his fucking problem is but LITERALLY IN THE SAME HOUR shintaro's like haruka i can teach you how to play videogames and be ur best friend lets kiss on the mouth like girl. again gay not only bc i like men but bc i hate women👍or whatever. hs shintaro i fucking hate you youre SO annoying. there is NO OTHER REASON for the treatment💗 and takane sees it and ayano & haruka either see it and dont say anything or are oblivious. ayano bc she's too awooga over shintaro and haruka because (cracks knuckles) care for internalized misogyny. sorry i know he's better than this but lollllll. either haruka is oblivious which HE IS NOT because haruka is a dumbass but in his pov he shows again and again how perceptive he is to the ppl around him. he's just a fucking spineless loser. he doesn't say anything to shintaro because then maybe shintaro will think he's lame. maybe he did say something to shintaro and shintaro was like erm whatever dude lol and haruka's like haha. yeah forget i said anything lol(sweating) but haruka isnt stupid enough not to consider why shintaro is just a dickhead to takane for no reason. sorry seriously what on earth was going thru jin's mind to write shintaro and takane's meeting like THAT 😭😭😭

yes i know theyre fictional characters and this is one of those things i could truly just ignore because it is the fault of the writer not of the, again, FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, and i do this with many things in kagepro but HERE specifically. i can't bring myself to ignore it and i dont wanna. idk, it just bothers me lol because it's an entire dynamic. you're telling me shintaro and takane had that relationship for a over a year at school and haruka just watched the whole time and didnt say anything??? he still went to be buddies with shintaro when he walked in and said all that awful shit to takane first meeting?? yeah girl im holding him accountable (as a character)idgaf. LOL!!! again erm. reminder this is written. im mad abt the sexist writing not The characters who are not real people ok? ok.

sorry maybe im butthurt because im afab🤨and reading this kinda thing is like.i wanna throw up and i get all intense. but imagine being in takane's place and ur guy friend who u think is good is like. just letting the misogynistic asshole in the friend group say shit because its not directly affecting him and ur like wow. ok then. hehe takane getting mad at haruka for always being like aw guys dont fight like she's not defending herself LOLLLL ok sorry ill stopill stop.

.........getting to the actual question. clearly i have my thoughts abt their dynamic. i think.. sorry, i just can't get past shintaro&takane's relationship in general to be able to think abt haruka&shintaro's. when i read ur ask i was like well ofc they have a relationship separate of takane!!! they're bestest friends!!! BUT... when i really think abt it... maybe not LMAOO like yeah maybe im just super like 💗💗takane💗💗 and hate the misogyny too much. and i think shintaro and ene/takane's relationship is SO titular to kagerou project that its impossible for me to ignore it??

i think generally in post str since shintaro is glued at the hip with takane who in return is also glued at the hip to haruka ofc it's never just Them two alone and takane is in fact in the middle. haruka loves hanging out with shintaro though and he loves him!! he loves when he's around he loves hanging out!! he's also excited abt shintaro and takane being besties bc at first he's like YES DREAM TEAM💥💥💥(PERCEIVES THE HORRORS) WAIT A SECOND..

i think since haruka is the one slowly talking to takane abt their codependency and etc he slowly grows to sort of. be annoyed?? at some of shintaro's behavior. because haruka tries talking to him about it the same he talks about it to takane! but while takane's all like "ummm nahhh whaaa no way ermm (holds head) OK MAYBE..." shintaro's like U THINK IM GONNA STEAL UR GIRLFRIEND UR SO FUNNY LOOOOOL and haruka's like 😐THATS NOT WHAT IM SAYING.

but like with ayano, haruka is kind of scary to shintaro. not as much as ayano, bc with her there's the whole thing abt yaki and stuff but haruka is also like. WOW he's alive huh. and also, again, shintaro is sorta pissed off at harutaka as a whole LOL 1. he's kinda down bad for both of them 2. is INSANELY jealous of their healthy & communicative & non destructive relationship in contrast to whatever the fuck he's doing with ayano. LOL!! from shintaro's perspective (subconsciously i cant stress it enough. all the shit he's doing he's rly not. on the loop(LOOL!!!)about the fact he is doing it he's rly not doing it on purpose) its comforting to know that bc of their codependency(that hes also in denial about) takane is as distanced from haruka as he is from ayano, like both their relationships suffer for it so it HAS to be normal right??

so when haruka approaches him abt it shintaro is kind of annoyed. subconsciously. at first he's like ohhh yeah of course you wanna spend time alone with ur girlfriend lol sorry man get some 👍 and haruka's like well that's not the only thing?? it's not so much about me as it is about you and takane bc this is clearly a rly bad dynamic for u guys and i think ur kind of enabling her fears and takane is really overdue in facing her reality and its not helping her to cling on u like this

actually, i think haruka is able to articulate it better to shintaro than to takane bc with takane he's terrified she'll dump him over it. because he is very worried specifically about her mental state and how she's using shintaro as a means to STILL not face her problems and the fact she is alive. but if he were to say this to her face takane would. yeah she'd freak out a lil bit so while he still does it little by little, he thinks talking directly to shintaro should be ok right!! he'll understand where he's coming from, because takane was and is dedicating her existence to shintaro for a sense of purpose while shintaro...what's shintaro's problem, haruka wonders. he acts annoyed but still stays by her. obviously he's just used to her. but it's not as extreme as it is with takane since she's DEDICATED so maybe he will hear him out!

DEAD WRONG shintaro keeps talking like omg haruka ur being just like ayano lmaooo all jealous over me and takane u guys are so funny. shintaro's so delighted he's like THANK GOD ayano and i are normal then, haruka is doing the same as her!! but haruka insists its really not so much abt jealousy at all he's just genuinely worried for both shintaro & takane. and probably grows a little annoyed over shintaro's insistence of him being jealous and refusing to listen LOL haruka: u and takane share a while understandable, deeply destructive relationship u cope mindlessly with... shintaro: u just wanna make out with her and ur mad im around :3

i think haruka even trusts shintaro with why he's telling him all this and why he struggles talking abt it to takane. so shintaro is VERY aware of haruka's delicate self worth and yeah takane too but shintaro also knows in detail abt haruka struggling to feel good enough for her and all that shit. and he feels kinda good abt it LOL shintaro's like... he kinda feels like he can have haruka under control like this. SUBCONSCIOUSLY OF COURSE AGAIN shintaro isnt a manipulative mastermind he's just GOING THRU IT.

basically haruka and shintaro do kinda have their old dynamic but now there's all this stuff abt takane. shintaro specifically keeps trying to default to their old dynamic but that's difficult bc haruka is REALLY living the moment while shintaro is still stuck in all these emotions pulling him back. so of course haruka's eq freaks him out a bit. and again pisses him the hell off that haruka and takane seem so good together while he's fighting for his life with ayano.

so when shintaro is at his wits end and hits on takane (anyone reading this out of context to my other post the anon is referring to, im sorry) it REALLY crashes down. ofc i talked abt takane's side bc that's what it was about but only briefly abt haruka. i think. i think haruka is overdue sending shintaro to hell too. from being such an asshole to both ayano and takane in highschool all the way to his fucked up relationships with both even now post str. i think that's also a nice way for haruka to step up and stop being so spineless. srry i keep calling him this but its such a perfect word to describe him. haruka is so self conscious abt everything his self confidence is so nonexistent and that holds him back from everything but i think the same way everyone is breaking by now he also has his Moment.

like haruka KNOWS shintaro is dealing with a lot. of course he knows. so haruka isnt mean about it, he doesnt yell at him about it like takane does. i think haruka just kinda. grimaces and says he's really disappointed in him. and shintaro's like GOD ID RATHER YOU PUNCH ME IN THE FACE but haruka is just silent and thats so so so much worse. shintaro keeps begging him to just punch him and haruka's like why?? and shintaro's like cuz im ur bro and i hit on ur girl :((((( and haruka's like OHHH MY GOD. DO U EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON RN DO U HEAR HOW DEMEANING IT IS TO REDUCE IT TO JUST THAT?? ITS NOT HS CRUSH STUFF.... UR DESTROYING ALL UR RELATIONSHIPS MY MAN. shintaro's like a.

so hes like WELL...IM JUST...SORRY... LIKE I WASNT THINKING... and haruka's like apologize to TAKANE not ONLY me!! apologize to ayano!!where are THEIR apologies!! what's the matter with you!! i know ur hurting but ALL OF US are, why do u get a pass to act this way!! just stop!!!!

haruka doesn't say much else but i think only that is enough to send shintaro spiraling down + all the other stuff. he's like speedrunning destroying all his relationships its so funny honestly. and i think haruka is the one to point it out to him. he says he HAS been telling him and didnt listen and he's driven it to a point where even he needs a break from him and doesnt really wanna see him rn. shintaro's like 😐meltdown style. haruka's like Closes door on ur face cutely💗

sorry i kinda talked abt so much other stuff here but yeah. 💗👍

[squeiky]

Just getting even more weird tonight- idk I think holding myself back because I fear unanimous rejection is probably what’s keeping me for horny posting on main about why certain colors reflected on objects and skin tones makes me like 😳👀👀👀👀 and y’all don’t understand but the aesthetic attraction has got me weak

Holy fuck I’m into some weird shit y’all. I can’t even call it “sexy” or “hot” or “horny” because you’d immediately assume “oh like sexual attraction?”

NO. YOU FOOL AND JEST- you hath not seen anything. You’ve gained the fools eye and walk around as if it is wise. You are no wizard! You are the old lizard beneath a desecrated rock. Seagulls shall shit upon you very home and consume your entire being.

Like how do I explain this? It’s like temperature hot. This shit is flaming. This shit is fire to my eyeballs and thus my body reacts as if a thousand suns has entered the domain of my being- and I sit and stare carelessly as if I am merely gazing upon grace of pole dancers- yet the second that FUCKING aesthetic hits Im a dog on the floor. I am licking my own tears. I am howling at the fucking moon. How do you say “you look pretty. TOO pretty”. And NO not in the “mainstream” pretty way. You could be dressed up like motherfucking grinch and man I’d Tony the Tiger.

I’m fucking weak to lighting too- so I see this girl standing in the sun a bit to lovingly and I’m suddenly a lesbian. ???????????????????? Any other day I would’ve been fine wouldn’t even care to see her exist but OH no the lighting and the artistry of the human body and the structure of the stairwell behind her has created a photo- NO a painting beyond my comprehension and I am back to staring like a lost soul- a puppy in search of a lover to care for it. My heart yearns for a stranger who I should of have forgotten but NO.

don’t get me started on the goddamn moon.

Like who did this. Why does arousal occur only when I decided that the lingerine and clothing looks fashionable enough? (Literally walked by thousands of like bathsuit shit but the only thing that made me awooga was when I thought those clothes just WORKED. Like it had to bless my eyes with the grace of fashion. A naked body is not enough.)

Literally- ask me to play dnd in bed and I will literally be 😳😳😳😳 while someone is rolling the dice dressed like a tiefling with a cool accent and is sitting on the pillow I will never use. don’t even know anymore.

It’s horny aesthetic attraction. Who the fuck made this shit? I have to talk to the fucking manager of attraction because I swear to god you are NOT making me want to fuck a car (looking at you megatron from the films 😡)

[vacantgodling]

For the pride asks!

1. Which labels do you use?

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

15. How has your identity changed over time?

<3 MJ

MJ!!! happy pride 💛💛 i’ll do this for me & ur favorite vampire boys (so darren, gabe, n & beau :>)

1. Which labels do you use?

i personally use queer (my sexuality is mad complicated and i can’t really find a term that i like. if i were to pick something close i’d say achillean or mlnb/mlm really resonates with me & i love that damn toothpaste flag in part out of spite) & transmasc (i consider myself a trans man for the most part but my relationship with being a Man is complicated by being nd/black etc so transmasc in itself feels right but i also like genderqueer — queer is my favorite tbh)

for darren he’s bi!

gabe is demiromantic demisexual & he’s gay. he kinda learns that he’s these things throughout the story bc he’s like deadass never been attracted to anyone until he and darren start getting close and he doesn’t really know what to do with himself lmao

n is a transman & tbh he hasn’t thought about his sexuality too much cuz he’s married to his ambition 💀 he would definitely say he’s queer but he doesn’t really care too much about defining himself too hard bc until beau he had No Plans of being with anyone romantically or sexually lol. not bc he doesn’t feel that kind of attraction or anything, he’s just been more focused on his career lmao

beau is pansexual :3c also he’s a vampire which is just being inherently queer in he & n’s universe.

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

for me, nah. two of my older cousins are gay and there’s probably more but i’m not close to my fam. i am however the token trans person 🤪

for darren nah, both his parents (dave & liz) are bi, and olice has some gender fuckery/aspec vibes going on but she doesn’t really have labels for anything yet.

gabe technically no? but he doesn’t really talk to his mom about this type of stuff lol. + being a millennia+ old celestial vampire… sexuality and labels are just cute human concepts to her. it’s different for gabe bc he was born on earth and while not raised like “human” or anything he doesn’t have the same experience as the few other celestials around.

n, definitely yes. his mom is super supportive but he doesn’t talk to his grandparents.

beau doesn’t know his birth family so that’s a complicated question. apart of the larger vampire “family” definitely not lol. in this universe, even being a vampire is a status of being queer so.

15. How has your identity changed over time?

for darren it was more straightforward he liked boys growing up and realizing he could like girls was kind of a secondary thing? he’d say it’s cuz of the whole cooties debacle from youth and he took that shit too seriously as a kid, so he never really had girl or femme id-ing people he hung out with until olice came into his life and then after that he realized oh, shit. yeah girls hot also awooga. (not bc of her she’s a sister to him but him realizing oh i can talk to girls and not die, oh they’re hot too)

gabe really didn’t have any type of sexuality awakening until darren lmao like it’s kind of funny. if you asked him before he would say he was aroace bc he didn’t like anyone and even his close friends didn’t spark anything in him. darren was different tho—he flustered him and he liked being around him and Maybe wanted to kiss him? so that’s when he realized he was probably demi instead bbhggh

n was one of those i knew i was queer from birth types so he doesn’t feel like the journey was with his identity, just more getting the curtain to match the drapes—or, getting how he presented outwardly to match his feelings inward. he was one of those athletic tomboys who hated being associated with girl shit, etc but had grandparents who raised him try to force him into that box, which is why he doesn’t talk to them now.

beau is also similar to n; bc being a vampire is inherently queer in their universe (in general too probably but yknow), because he was turned so young (around 5) he’s always felt inherently queer so there wasn’t much of a Journey to figuring himself out in that sense.

and then my long ass answer under the cut

when i was younger i never liked being a girl. but i didn’t really think of myself as a boy either? i just thought of myself as “deadname” and that was the extent of everything. i hated being feminine but i didn’t really resonate with being a “boy” because i didn’t like sports and the like. at some point i kind of just accepted that i was a “tomboy” but i still just felt like “deadname” that was my gender lmao. at least up until 8th grade where (2) things happened. (1) i found yaoi and (2) i had a Queer Awakening experience. for the first part i’d been really into japanese anime and shit for a long time but when i discovered yaoi and saw 2 men being able to love each other romantically and sexually it really opened up my worldview. i kinda never thought about having a partner. i’d had people say they liked me before but i just never felt like… into them? but looking back it’s probably bc i knew they saw me as a girl and that’s what i didn’t like i just didnt know that lmao. but seeing yaoi made me subconsciously realize that i would want a partner if it was like That. i didn’t know what That was at the time (the that being, me also being a dude lmao). and the queer awakening was when i was coming back from a school trip and my friend at the time fell asleep on me with her head on my shoulder. and i just remember thinking so so VIVIDLY “omg it’s like i’m her boyfriend” and the idea of it filled me with euphoria?? i tried to think “nah i should be thinking gf bc i’m a girl right?” but my brain rejected that Immediately. after that when i got into tumblr in hs i kind of started learning more about being gender-fluid and so i kind of dabbled in that—bc around that time the friends and gf i had were very like. oh boys suck and shit and i couldn’t just be a boy without feeling some type of way? but i definitely wasn’t Just a girl. i tried to convince myself maybe i wasn’t a boy at all bc i still didn’t feel like i could be one—i still didn’t like boy shit. i liked wearing skirts (at the time), i liked dress up games and feminine shit… so clearly i had to be Partially a girl? so it kept me in the closet for a long bit until i finally was like nah i’m like. just. a dude. a guy. all of this gender shit kind of went hand in hand with my sexuality bc i always hated the insinuation that i was a lesbian (which happened a lot, got called lesbo, my mom kept asking me if i was a lesbian bc i was physically affectionate with my would become hs gf at the time—and i realize now off topic that tbh i wouldn’t have dated her if my mom and her mom and other people weren’t putting pressure on it to be romantic? like friends can hold hands and cuddle for fucks sake Lmao) bc i’m not a girl or a woman lmao. i didn’t really like being bi either bc at the time i thought it was only being attracted to men and women and what about nb people (i’ve learned better now but this was in hs) plus my own gender was up in the air so like???? pan was my go to and i really felt at home in that label for many years. until i think a few years ago where like idk how to explain well but i just realized while i do think women can be pretty and even sexy i’m just not like. attracted to them in the same way that i’m attracted to men or nb people that aren’t femme leaning. so that’s why mlm/mlnb feels right to me? like my partner’s agender for instance lmao, but they’re my self proclaimed goth hibimbo and they tend to dress femme bc they like the fashion so like. it’s not the presentation of femininity that i’m not attracted to? so in that sense i still feel like it’s not quite correct but. words are dumb we move.

this was so long rip