#'his parents didn't pay him enough attention and that's why he beat up his brother' his parents knew how he washed his ears

[lloydfrontera]

people saying og lloyd was mistreated by his parents,,, that his violent and abusive attitude was because of trauma,,,, that's literally not true,,,, why are you lying,,,, some men are just shitty,,, he's a self-made fuck up don't take away his only accomplishment in life ://

[scaryspears]

Vampire Diaries: Plot + Problems

Is the Vampire Diaries fandom dead? If not, I'd like to say a few things. Before we start, I would like to say that I am a Twilight fan who loves making fun of Twilight, so my opinion is unfairly biased, but I digress. Here is my rant disguised as an analysis.

I was fairly young when the Vampire Diaries was aired, and growing up I would often confuse it for Twilight, since they were both vampire centred pieces of media that came out during the 2000s. I was a Twilight kid growing up, even if I didn't understand the plot, I liked cool scenes and stuff.

As a teen (say age 12-13) it was recommended to me a few times by my sister since I liked vampires, but I wasn't really into watching seasons long shows (especially since I was watching anime at the time, which tends to be long as hell), so I ended up doing some investigation before watching a few episodes. I didn't like the sound of the plot, it sounded like the beginning of a porno with a vampire kink added, not something I wanted to subject myself to. Girl has to decide between two brothers who are oh so hot, and the reason they can't be a threesome is literally because they are brothers. I skipped the first season, and then the second season and went straight into Klaus and his hybrids because that was the only worthwhile season for me. I skipped a bunch of scenes and episodes, but you get the idea.

Stefan is into Elena because she looks exactly like his ex-girlfriend who strung along his older brother. Elena finds this out but is still into him. These clowns. I also can't take Stefan seriously because of his eyebrows.

Damon and his dynamic with Klaus and Elijah was the only thing that kept my attention. Not just because I was thirsting over Ian Somerhalder and Joseph Morgan, but also because I loved watching their chemistry through the screen, only to be reminded that it was about Elena and her constant stringing of the Salvatore brothers. The whole show literally could've just been about Damon going against the Mikaelson family and I would watch the hell out of it. Any interaction Damon had with Mikaelsons was such a cinema moment.

I didn't find anything else going on to be as interesting, but I used to ship Jeremy with Tyler. Like, why was he so pressed about Jeremy Gilbert? Always antagonising Jeremy as soon as he saw him, that's some fruity behaviour.

A lot of people love to point out the pedophila of Twilight - as they should - but Tvd had blatant pedophilia. You're telling me that Damon, who was turned at age 25, is trying to (and has) pipe a bunch of high schoolers who are 17-18, and no one batted an eye? I can understand if his emotions were turned off, as learned from the first season, but with his emotions on? Still going after high schoolers??? Ian Somerhalder was also 30/31 when the show started airing, and Nina Dobrev, Candice KIng, and Kat Graham were all 20-21. That's quite the age gap. Not saying he's a pedo, I'm just saying it's a little icky. Let's also address the way Rebekah had a relationship with Marcel despite being his adoptive aunt.

Elena and Marcel are victims.

The worst part is that Damon doesn't act like a teenager, he's so obviously an adult, and hangs with adults (Liz Forbes, Alaric, Jenna, Carol Lockwood, Mason Lockwood?). He even refers to the others (except Alaric) as nicknames you would use when referring to children. Sometimes he comes off as parental, which would've been funny. Unfortunately the story is about a girl having a brother fetish.

I'm aware that a lot of the fans love Katherine Pierce, and I must say, she's a great villain. But she pissed me off so much, getting so angered by people who don't even pay taxes. I get that she was turned at age 17, but home girl you could do better. It was also how Elena and the others handled Katherine. Ya'll are American enough to support Confederacy, nothing should scare you. Why don't ya'll just beat her ass? That would've been entertaining to see.

You're also telling me he saw Bianca Lawson and still chose Katherine. Nothing against Nina Dobrev, but I would move on quickly if I saw Emily Bennett.

Kind of mad that they killed off Mason, and there was potential when they brought him back. You're gonna have boring ass Alaric, but not hot werewolf Mason Lockwood. Sure, let's have a bunch of vampires walking around, but 2 werewolves is asking for too much. Could've focused less on Matt Donovan and just have the show be more interesting with Damon and Mason learning to be mutual with each other if it means protecting their loved ones.

Also, the show was just... so boring. The camera quality, and the background music that sounded like something only a person who's never listened to mainstream music would listen to. I was being tortured. It was so mid.

I am going to lay out a scenario written by me, using dialogue that had potential.

Such as Damon going out of his way to get the tomb opened only to discover that Katherine isn't there, therefore becoming disillusioned with her and Elena by extension. Since a lot of viewers said Bonnie and Damon have chemistry (they do, I just don't ship them) I'm just gonna say that he should've sworn to protect her from then on, thus sealing the deal he made with Emily Bennett to protect the Bennett line and becoming her guardian. Damon still continuously butts heads with Stefan, causing Elena to think he's still romantically interested in her, when in reality Damon is just looking out for them in his own way (the typical, hardcore Damon way).

Since Bonnie goes into conflict with her friends anyways, she starts to withdraw from them. As they keep asking her to do spells for them, Damon steps in their way. It also would be cool if they kept his powers in the show, that way he can use his crow to report to her. Damon killing Jeremy to hurt Elena can actually just be misinterpreted by her self centred mindset, because he really did it to get back at him for hurting Bonnie. I might be messing up the timeline because I don't remember things very well, but that would've been great. 

Bonnie doesn't go to the Mikaelson ball because she doesn't trust the family, so Damon attends as a sort of spy. Damon turning Abby into a vampire also has to do with the fact that he's supposed to protect the Bennetts. Damon is fine with dying but isn't going to let Stefan die, nor is he going to break his deal, so it was a tough decision on his end. While he does kill Abby she also lives, kinda. It takes a while for Bonnie to come to terms with this even though she's rightfully angry.

Back to Season 4 and 5 and stuff, I think it's around this time that the Originals started airing. Damon becoming more involved with Jeremy is his parentified side of him trying to guide him but is misread as him using Jeremy to get close to Elena. 

Bonnie is waiting for college to start, and Damon suggests going to New Orleans because there are tons of witches there so she can get guidance on her powers, which is how Lucy can be reintroduced. (They had Lucy show up for like one episode just for her to never show up again.)

Marcel had a great entrance, and Klaus' went all colonist on him. Marcel got me curious about the Originals but then they pulled a Twilight on us and brought in Hope, that turned me off from the series so I don't know what goes on. I am aware that Klaus terrorised a few witches. So let's say Damon and Bonnie go to New Orleans for a little vacation + training for Bonnie before college starts, and they both find out what's going on in New Orleans. Damon meets Marcel, and while their personalities do kinda clash, they bond over their mutual distaste for Klaus, with Marcel even opening up about his past once he sees how protective and dutiful Damon is towards Bonnie.

Together they must find a way to bring an end to the Originals without killing every other vampire in existence. It could also be a thing where Damon reflects on his past as a confederate soldier and questions himself (this needs to be addressed).

Lucy trains Bonnie and Davina. The reason Damon is uncomfortable around Mikael drinking vampire blood is because of his time in Augustine. And Kol has met Damon, but doesn't remember him until one fateful bar fight. (I heard that someone had an idea where Damon and Kol met in a bar fight, but the idea was scrapped). Also an opportunity to get Kol have an infatuation with Bonnie, I remember that glance in the hallway.

I, ladies and gentlemen, have come up with a fanfiction that I will never write. I bet it's a better storyline than whatever happened in canon.

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

Everyone who knows me in this fandom knows that I'm a sucker for mauraeyk and that they are the most important part of the show to me. Besides them, I also love Clémence and Jéromé, I've mentioned that before, too. These two ships, connections, are quite obvious. They are so obvious that it's impossible not to see them, even if you're not right in the head.

But, there are two characters whose subtle connection I love so much. It's barely noticeable until you see their last scene, but then you watch again and see it's always been right there. Tove and Franz. The two of them are also my favorite characters right after the main trio. I think they are way too underrated, especially Franz. Franz doesn't get the hype he deserves, but he's definitely one of the best characters in the show. He's too overlooked.

Anyway, I've seen a few people talk about these two, but definitely not enough. Many people, myself included, needed that last scene to realize the two have a very obvious connection, and I'm dying to know what kind of connection that is. When you re-watch the show and actually pay attention to their interactions, you realize it's always been there. I mean, look at Franz. Throughout the entire season, he's shown as a violent and cruel man. His very first scene is beating someone up. He has a bloody face all the time and is never nice to anyone. He questions Eyk's orders and decisions multiple times, unafraid of the consequences. He organizes a mutiny, as stated, punishable by death, yet he doesn't care. He believes he's doing the right thing, not from any selfish desire, but for the good of everyone on the ship. But who is the only person he's never been rude to? The only person he's ever been nice to and considerate with? Tove, of course.

You'd think, okay, maybe because she's pregnant. But I don't think so. I mean, it's not like he showed any politeness to children. His mutineers threw Elliot overboard. He didn't bet an eye, let alone try and stop it. He even encouraged it. He beat her brother and threw him down the stairs, calling him a rat or something like that. He's been violent and rude to everyone but her. Never her. She's a woman? It's not that either. Maura's a woman too, he didn't care.

When they find Ada's body, and they examine it in the morgue, Maura says she's met her: "There's a pregnant girl downstairs, this is her sister." In that very moment, the camera is on Franz, and it's obvious he has a certain reaction to Maura's words. But up until this moment, him and Tove haven't crossed paths if I'm not mistaken. No interaction between them yet. Why does he react like that at the mention of her? After that, when he decides he's had enough of Eyk's shit, he goes to the third class not going to Anker or Iben, or Krester. He goes to Tove. He takes her to Ada, all the while acting like a kicked puppy in her presence. As if he was afraid of her judgment. He offers her his help, and when she dismisses him, he acts like a kicked puppy even more. That is his last straw that drives him to riot. You can compare that scene and his scene with any other person on the ship. It would look like he was a different person.

When the mutiny starts, she's one of the first he gives a shotgun to, without hesitation. He doesn't think her fragile or incapable. When everyone starts jumping during the calling, the two of them tie each other up, together, and he helps her and Anker stop Iben from jumping. When the storm begins and Eyk and Sebastian are gone, Franz takes over, and they all split up in order to keep the ship afloat. The French stay together, Angel and Ramiro stay together, Ling Yi doesn't want to leave Olek, and Tove's first instinct is to go with Franz. I mean, she leaves her parents there while they're giving up on life because her father chooses to die with her mother over living with her. Yet, Franz doesn't hesitate for a second to take her with him when she asks. Which ultimately cost him his life. Would he have done it if she hadn't been there with him? Maybe, we don't know. But he commits the ultimate sacrifice in order to save her. You don't get further than that. Giving your life for someone, someone you've supposedly met just a few days ago.

"Promise me you'll live" is the last thing he says to her. He might have done it for the sake of everyone else on the ship, but he had done it first and foremost for her.

Up until that moment, Tove's always been the one keeping her family in check, in spite of being someone who actually needed them and their support. She was the one keeping them together in spite of everything that happened to her. Her father kept choosing her mother over his children, while everyone else was falling apart. But then she got to experience what it was like when someone put her first. Franz did that, and he did by giving his life for hers.

Now, I'm not sure how their connection feels to me, whether it is romantic or platonic. Honestly, I wouldn't mind either of those. The SanSan shipper in me kind of feels like it could be romantic (my fellow SanSan shippers would understand). The one thing that was weird to me is the age they're supposed to be. I refuse to believe Krester is older than Tove. That is simply impossible. And there is about twenty years of age difference between them if those articles were right, so it may seem weird to people.

Anyway, I love their story either way, and I would give blood to know what it was all about.

[zeroducks-2]

(Espero que se me sea entendible)

Que opinión tienes de que Eo haya dicho:

"because it's the only time you'll spend with me."

En vez de:

"because it's the only time I'll spend with you

Te entiendo sì :) Sorry my Spanish isn't good enough for a complete answer but I do understand it well enough.

So the reason why Eo says "It's the only time YOU will spend with me", and not "the only time I will spend with you", is because he does spend a lot of time with Barry even if Barry is normally not aware of it.

Eo follows him around, spies on him, literally stalks him day and night and keeps him under control, he does spend a lot of time with him. It doesn't work the other way around though! Barry doesn't know Eo is there (and even when he suspects it, they don't really interact), so he doesn't in fact spend time with Eobard in return. It's a one way thing in which Eobard watches and looks and observes but never acts, like when he came back from the however many years he was tortured in prison and started just following Barry around, watching him without ever interacting (Eo was being ridiculously shy about it, and the funny thing is that at that point, Barry would have likely been happy to see him and greeted him like an old friend).

Conversely, when Eobard is actively making his life impossible, Barry is forced to react to the things he's put through, therefore he will "spend time with him".

See, Eo has this distorted view of relationships in which spending time with a loved one means that the ONLY WAY he has to be noticed and get the other person to give him attention, is through breaking things. As a child he was ignored by his parents who locked him in a playpen and never even turned towards him, and the only way he had to get them to pay attention to him was to break expensive toys. That would get his father to finally notice his existence and beat him up, which hey, I'm sure it won't traumatize a small child at all!

If you can go past the terrible art, this is what his life has been like for a good chunk of his childhood (then his parents genetically engineered another child and forced him to be his little brother's primary caretaker, while continuing to treat him like garbage).

And sure, now Eobard isn't a child anymore, but the 25th century is a bleak place and beside for the Flash comics he found refuge and comfort in, he didn't have any other guardian figure (or any friend really) who taught him how love even looks like. So, when Barry loses his entire shit in Running Scared, absorbs the Negative Speedforce and beats the everliving hell out of him, from Eobard's perspective he's still giving him attention! It worked, he broke "enough toys" to get Barry to spend time with him! ... In the sense that he was a menace for long enough and threatened Iris enough times, and it's interesting to me how in Running Scared he is so disoriented and so overpowered that he could do 200% more damage, but truly his only goal is getting Barry to spend time with him therefore he keeps said damage to a minimum.

He could have killed Ace, but he just tossed him around a bit. He could have killed Iris, and he barely even touched a hair on her head. He brought her to the 25th century after realizing that she didn't remember barely anything about him (unacceptable! One of the most important people in his life forgot shit about him!!), but beside scaring her, the whole RS arc ends with Iris sporting not even a bruise. The entirety of Running Scared could be summarized with "local time traveler gets brought back to life by his crush, is disoriented as fuck and in his need for attention makes a mess and gets himself killed again (by his other crush)". And in my strictly personal opinion, the reason why his antics look especially childish in Running Scared also comes from the fact that he's indeed extremely disoriented, both by the whole flashpoint paradox situation (he can't forget anything while everyone else has altered memories!), and by the fact that he literally just died and came back to life. Imagine the headache.

[starchaseriseverything]

Bellatrix Black was always one to follow the rules. she had never once betrayed her family or bloodline.

She had arrived at Hogwarts for her first year. Her sisters, Andromeda and Narcissa, weren't old enough to come yet. She was nervous and scared.

She was always taught never to be scared, but sometimes she couldn't help it.

***

Everyone from the noble house of Black has always been sorted into Slytherin. If someone was sorted into any other, they would most likely be disowned.

No one from the Black family was ever sorted into Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor. Only Slytherin.

Thankfully, she was sorted into Slytherin.

***

"I'm Bellatrix Black. It's nice to meet you."

"Rodolphus Lestrange."

"Rita Skeeter."

***

It's finally her third year and has her younger sister, Andromeda, with her.

She spots Rodolphus with a younger boy who looks to be about Andromeda' age. "Rodolphus!" Bellatrix yells at her friend.

"Bella, who's this?" Rodolphus asks, walking towards them with the younger boy.

The younger boy looks like her friend, just not quite. "This is my younger sister, Andromeda."

"Hi." Andromeda says, hiding behind her older sister.

"Dro, don't be shy."

She comes out from behind her sister and holds out her hand. "Hi, I'm Andromeda Black."

"Rabastan Lestrange." They shake hands.

"Bella! Rod!" Rita comes up beside them. "Who are they?" She gasps. "Oh my god. That's Andromeda. Don't know him, though. He looks like you, Rod."

"He better. He's my younger brother, Rabastan."

Rita leans down. "Nice to meet you, little man." She turns to Andromeda. "I've heard a bunch about you and Narcissa. Your sister brags a lot." She points to Bellatrix.

"I do not."

"You kinda do, Bels." Rodolphus says.

"Whatever."

***

Bellatrix cheers as her sister gets sorted into Slytherin.

***

It's Bellatrix' fourth year. Andromeda' second. And her breath catches every time she sees her best friend.

Now, of course, she didn't know why. But if she had to guess, she'd say she was catching feelings for a girl.

If it was up to her to decide, she would most likely date her. But it's not. It's up to her family, and they would never allow that. So, she decides to bury her feelings for as long as she can.

***

It's Bellatrix' fifth year. Andromeda' third. And Narcissa' first. Now, of course, Narcissa was nervous. Even Andromeda and her were. But she never did show it.

She had always been the bravest out of all three of them. Never once did she show that she was scared. Even when she saw her parents beating Bellatrix to near death.

But that's not the point. The point is that Bellatrix sees Andromeda with a guy. Someone she most likely isn't supposed to be near.

Last year, Bellatrix was too caught up in her own feelings that she never noticed that her sister had caught feelings for a guy. And that guy so happened to be a Tonks. They were never allowed to speak to anyone who wasn't involved with the Death Eaters somehow, so she thought that her sisters weren't going to try to even speak them people.

She was wrong. Oh, was she so very wrong.

But she couldn't very well blame her. She was friends with Rita Skeeter, and she wasn't involved with the Death Eaters. But at least she was a Slytherin and not a Ravenclaw.

I mean, sure, Ravenclaw' are nice and sweet and fun, but she shouldn't be talking or hanging out with them.

Bellatrix marches over to her sister and drags her to the side. "Dro, you can't talk to him."

"Now you notice me? Thank you for caring this year, but I got it covered. You barely even acknowledged me last year."

"I was too busy trying to hide my feelings."

"What? From Rita? Yeah, I don't think you're fooling anyone. You caught feelings for her last year."

"How did you know?"

"Even though you weren't paying attention to me. I was paying attention to you. I knew you caught feelings for her when we walked into the Great Hall. Your breath catches every time you see her. Everyone can see it. Maybe not her. But everyone else can."

"Why do you think Rodolphus hasn't tried to date you? Because he doesn't like you? That's definitely not it. I see him making heart eyes at you. He tried to give you hints all of last year and your so blind sided by fucking Rita Skeeter that you couldn't see what was right in front of you. Rodolphus is in love with you."

"I don't care if you date her. Go for it. But let Rodolphus know before not after. Tell him you're not interested in him. You only see him as a friend. I don't care. Just talk to him. Tell Rita how you feel. In return, you'll let me date Ted. Ok?"

"How are you so wise?" Bellatrix asks, stunned.

Andromeda smiles. "I guess I got it from you. Now, go tell Rita how you feel."

***

"Rodolphus, can I talk to you? In private."

He nods. "What did you want to talk about?" Rodolphus asks after they get into the empty common room.

"Dro opened my eyes. Told me what was right in front of me." Bellatrix takes a pause. "I've always known I've had feelings for someone, and I still don't know if they like me back, but I just need you to know that I only see you as a friend. Nothing more."

"That's...... not what I thought you were going to say."

"Like I said, Dro told me what was right in front of me. I was fighting my feelings and didn't even notice anyone else's last year. So I just wanted you to know, I only see you as a friend. Ok?"

Rodolphus laughs. "Yeah, I got it."

***

Rita and Bellatrix are alone in their dorm for the first time since school started, which was a week ago. "Hey, uh, Rita?"

*Hmm?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"I - I." Bellatrix takes a deep breath. In. Out. "Last year, I realized I was in love with someone. A girl. I haven't told my family, and I most likely never will. But I -" She takes another breath. In. Out. "This girl is you, Rita. I realized I'm in love with you."

Rita takes in a sharp breath. "You're... in love with me?"

"Yes. I think I always have been."

"It's about time, you realized. I've been in love with you since second year. I had a crush on you in first."

***

By the time seventh year rolls around, Andromeda is dating Ted, Narcissa is dating Lucius, and Bellatrix and Rita have been dating for three years. In secret, of course.

Now, what would happen if her family found out? No one knows, and no one wants to know, either.

No one knows what happens after they graduate, but they will just have to figure that out when they get there.

[zozophoenixxx]

Serotonin Booster :D🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Defenders of Berk✨

Not Astrid being pissed bc Fishlegs called her mean lmaooo

OMGGG "I would never call my father ridiculous. I'm calling my chief ridiculous" THE POWER OF THIS SCENE

The way Toothless just sat to look at the sunset.. Me too bby me too 🥺

Toothless and Thornado's shots combined was amazing!

"The first rule about the dragon flight club is that there is no dragon flight club"

Istg Meatlug and Fishlegs are made for each other

Baby whispering deaths!

OMG THEY JUST CAME UP WITH GRONCKLE IRON

I love seeing the origin of things ☺️

Wowww I just realized that Gobber has a unibrow

Sandstone makes glass

That shiny black rock makes another shiny black Rock, it also has Meatlug boiling

WOW a combination of multiple rock makes Meatlug a magnet

The way Hookfang pays more attention to Fishlegs than Snotlout is funny

Fishlegs on Toothless!!!!

"TOO MUCH FURY, TOO MUCH FURY!" JAHDHDHAH

Awwww love how Fishlegs feels happy abt being needed

DAGUR'S BACK AHH

I never understood why Dagur called Hiccup his brother but it's kinda funny

Young hiccup actually fighting is pretty badass and that shield 🥴

The way they were all trying to get Gobber to shower lmaooo

Gobber saved Gustav's life and Fishleg saved Astrid's

Am I the only one that finds the whispering deaths kinda funny, like yes they're scary but these mfs have tiny wings, a big ass head, are covered in spines and can't see like-

Newly hatched whispering deaths can be more deadly that adults bc they can't control their jaws or spines

WOW WOW WOWWWW A WHITE WHISPERING DEATH - Titanwing whispering death with red eyes OMG NO NO THIS IS THE SCREAMING DEATH I KNEW IT ‼️‼️

Wow but the pain in Snotlout's eyes 🥺

Monstrous nightmares are stoker-class dragons

Fireworms get brighter the closer they get to each other

Ohhhhh now I get the history behind Hookfang and the fireworms queen's connection

"You're not just another sword, Hookfang"

Awww the fireworm queen saved Hookfang, I ship them now JSHDHSHS

BABY ASTRID!! 🥺🥺🥺 AWWW

Flightmare - follows the glowing algae caused by Aurvandil's fire, sprays a paralyzing mist to those who it considers a threat to its survival

Aurvandil's fire = Aurora Borealis

YES ASTRID BEAT SNOTLOUT UP

Hiccup: Well, you know, Astrid, uh, training dragons isn't the only thing I think about.

Astrid: Are you actually saying that to me with a straight face?

JAHSHAHAJAJ I SWEAR I LOVE THESE TWO the way both of them said these lines I can't ✋🏼😂

The way she said the exact same thing as her uncle and even took on the name I-

I have this headcanon that bc I'm pretty sure Astrid's parents were barely mentioned in the shows or movies that her uncle was the person that was there for her the most which is another reason why it upset her to see people making fun of him

Why does whenever Astrid gets shot by a dragon she always tries to hit it off like her axe is a baseball bat? 😂

Hiccup saving Astrid in the flightmare ep🥺🥺🥺🥺

GLOWY TOOTHLESS AND GLOWY STORMFLY AND GLOWY MEATLUG ARE ADORABLE

Awww I love how Hiccup makes sure to mention the fact that "Fearless Fin Hofferson was indeed fearless, just like all the Hoffersons" 🥺🥺🥺 STOP AND THEN SHE SMILES AND HE PROCEEDS TO PUT HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I-🥴🥴🥴

I love how they're always interrupted whenever they're about to say a bad word

Lil terrible terrors are adorable 🥺

The fact that what they were trained for was actually useful it's crazy

Astrid: "no one is kissing me on the lips ever!!" HHSHAHAH ASTRID WHY U LYING

I feel like we don't appreciate how smart Hiccup actually is, and I don't mean that dragon-wise or building stuff-wise I mean in general. I'm in ep9 and they're finding old dragon traps to get rid of them and there was a lil breeze and he was like "there's a dry hot wind coming in from the north. It hasn't rained in 2 months. This is definitely fire weather." like how- am I the only one that would've been like okok a nice warm breeze 😩

Dude the typhoomerangs are so scary and huge wtf

I KNEW HE WAS TORCH

Torch actually built a lil relationship with Tuff just for that but of time I love it

WE'RE FINALLY GONNA SEE THE SKRILL!! I love it it's one of my favorite dragons :D

I never understood why fishlegs says his name when he's excited

Skrills - The skrill was first found frozen, it's the symbol of the Berserkers, it can stay safely frozen for decades because of their internal body temperature, can't redirect any lightning if it's in the water 😳

Y'all the skrill and the nightfury have gotta be related somehow, they're probably like cousins or sum. I mean the night fury is the "unholy offspring of lighting and death" and the skrill can control lightning AND TECHNICALLY TOOTHLESS CAN TOO REMEMBER HTTYD 3 + they also have similar physical characteristics at least Imo.

Dude this dragon is so badass 😌🤩🥰😩🥴❣️🤍🤝 I'm literally so obsessed

Wow one of the first times I see the twins actually doing sum useful

The way the shots combine🥴

Dagur has misophonia - condition where people experience intense negative emotions for sounds such as eating, chewing, loud breathing or even repeated pen-clicking [ep11]

Oh wow so they originally trapped the skrill in this show i didn't know

Wait but baby Gustav is actually adorable wtf and the fact that he and Snotlout have matching Viking hats

OMG SEE NOW I'M SEEING GUSTAV'S ORIGIN WITH HIS DRAGON AND HIS DESIRE TO BECOME A RIDER

Fanghook🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Ruff puts fish oil on her hair to get "a greasy unwashed look"

Really hate when Snotlout doesn't accept no for an answer

THE HAND THING AHHHH I LOVE IT this time is Ruff and a scauldron

Ok guys so I did this with mi friend's puppy who I accidentally scared enough to make him piss himself and I'm pretty sure I traumatized him and now when I'm around the poor dog tries to get as far away from me as possible but one day we were kinda bonding although he still wouldn't let me pet it AND I DID THE HAND THING BECAUSE WHY NOT AND THIS LIL MF ACTUALLY PUTS HIS FACE IN MY HAND- I screamed and he left again🥺😂 BUT IT DID WORK

Scauldy🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰😌☺️🤩🤍

Ok but ruffnut with short hair 🤩

Speedstingers

Also the way Astrid ran up to Hiccup in the ep14

Wait but the scene whenever they're fighting the Speedstingers and Fishlegs says they're too fast but Hiccup's like "not for a nightfury" and then they show Toothless dodging the Speedstinger's attack AND THEN THEY SHOW HICCUP PROTECTING HIMSELF WITH HIS SHIELD WHICH GETS THROWN AWAY BUT RIGHT THERE TOOTHLESS CATCHES IT AND THROWS IT BACK TO HICCUP who's like "Thanks bud" 🤩🤩🤩 literally so badass go watch it!! It's ep14 frozen min 17:40

I really liked the relationship Snotlout and Astrid created with each other's dragon 🥺

HOOKFANG'S WINGBLAST AND STORMFLY'S SINGLE-SPINESHOT ARE HELLA BADASS... I love how they worked together this time 🥺

DUDE JAHDHSJAJJJSA ppl really underestimate Ruff's cleverness, this bish really gets Tuff to do the dumbest things just to enjoy looking at him hurting himself JAHDHSJAH😂

TOOTHLESS REALLY JUST BIT AN EEL'S HEAD OFF TO SAVE HICCUP🥺

Baby toothless is high🥺

"Uh, okay. That one was a little close to the one good leg" JAHDHAHSHA ISTG I LOVE THIS DUDE

Johan hates Snotlout for breaking his stuff

Tuff got Macey the Mace from Trader Johan

Astrid looks hot without her shoulder pads

Ok but Dagur looks so weird without his viking hat in this show

The baby thunderdrums are adorable - BING BAM AND BOOM

NOOO STOICK JUST LEFT THORNADO 🥺

OHHH SO ALVIN WAS ACTUALLY FROM BERK and he was Stoick's best friend

Snotlout and Hiccup are parallels of Alvin and Stoick

Ok but that trick Snotlout did was amazing, he really had Hookfang do a lil typhoomerangs move and then the wingblast🤩

I FINISHED IT OMG NOW ONTO RTTE!!

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Waiting For A Star To Fall

Nikolai x Selina

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: minor angst and fluff, oral sex (m/f receiving), brief thigh riding, penetration, use of sex toys, language gif by @vousnavezrienvu

A/N: Selina and Nikolai's first date turns into more than they ever imagined. 

This took a stupid amount of time to write and became a pure labor of love. Thank you @magic-multicolored-miracle and @neuroticpuppy for being with me the ENTIRE way.  And @bisexualnathanyoung and @forenschik for being my guinea pig

September 1992

Selina’s phone rang, but Sunny beat her to it as he threw himself over the arm of the futon in her minuscule apartment.  His elbow rammed into the wall, and Selina insisted he deserved it.

“Hello?” 

There was a momentary pause.  Selina stood cross-armed with a frown on her face.

“I don't recall anyone with that name living here.  It's just my sister, myself, and the guy from the sixth floor who was murdered in 1985.” 

“SUNNY!!” 

He waved her off,  “Why would I be fucking with you?  You called here.  My sister didn't give you this number, she's a virtual nun!  She's not one to take up with strange foreign men.”

Selina launched herself at her little brother.  He held the cordless phone above his head and levitated the ten feet towards the ceiling.  His legs curled up underneath so she couldn't grab him by the ankle. 

“UNFAIR!!”  

“EVOLUTIONARY ADVANTAGE!” he shouted and stuck out his tongue.  “You were saying?”

“You aren't evolution!  You're a science experiment that was implanted in our mother by The Men In Black.”

“Low blow.” Sunny flipped Selina off and went back to the caller.  “I mean that may or may not be the woman you ravished lakeside.  I know my sister is her own woman.  You scandalized her though.  I think you made her feel.. feelings.  Rude.” 

“NICKLAUS ELTON KOSTAS GIVE ME MY PHONE!”

He held up his hand.  “HEY! I can speak Russian you know.”  And then Sunny did for the next several minutes occasionally glancing down at his sister.  

Finally, he came back to the couch and held out the receiver to Selina.  “It's for you.  He's very perturbed, and Slavic.  And sexy.”

She yanked the phone from her brother and flipped him off.  “Klaus should've left you in 1989.”  Her voice softened and her cheeks flushed as she finally answered, “Hi.” 

Sunny hovered a few feet off the ground as Selina blabbered on in flirtatious Russian.  He sneered and poked fun at the way his sister wound her finger up in her hair and then released it.  When that didn't work, craving her attention, he began to hold an imaginary conversation with an exaggerated Russian accent.  

Selina threw the first thing she could at her little brother.  The remote control sailed across the room at Sunny who simply held up his hand, palm towards his sister.  The remote hung in the air like he did.  Then he narrowed his eyes which caused the object to lower to the floor. Selina sighed and returned to the conversation. 

“Wait, you wanna take me out?”  A pause.  “You don't have to repay me.  I'm just practicing for when I'm ethically obligated to save someone.” Pause. “Arsonists and thieves too!”  Selina smiled wide as the flames licked her cheeks and ears now.  “How attractive you are doesn't alter Samaritan laws, Nikolai.” 

Sunny rolled his eyes flabbergasted at how his sister’s entire demeanor changed the moment she began to speak to the Russian from Sway Lake.  She was being coy.  Dare he say seductive as she ignored everything he managed to garner attention.  

Sunny had always been the object of his sister’s devotion.  EVERYONE’S devotion really.  As the youngest of eight “children,” it was his birthright.  Now here he was, slowly becoming Selina’s third favorite person.  Not a single soul, no matter how rakish or good in bed, would ever replace Leon. 

“Sure.  Yeah, I’d like that.”  Selina had a dopey grin on her face.  “Tonight?!  I mean can you even get reservations?”  “Trust you?  I don't know why I should, but I guess I will.  I'll meet you there. Do svidaniya, Nik.. KOLYA.”  

Selina hung up the phone and threw a pillow this time at Sunny.  He crashed to the floor having been caught off guard and rubbed his ass.  

“Just be HUMAN FOR FIVE MINUTES.” 

“I AM HUMAN!! I'M JUST.. Super.” 

“Super egotistical.”

“I can't help that the love of our parents turned me into a badass.” 

“I just pray Reginald never finds you.  You're the success to his failure with Klaus.”  Selina meant that last bit with her entire being.  “Now get out, I've a date tonight.” 

---

“Nikolai, I can't run that fast in these boots!”  Selina yelled as she desperately tried to catch up to her date.  She could hear a fast-approaching man behind her yelling obscenities in a dialect she wasn't familiar with.  Bulgarian or Lithuanian maybe. 

He stopped at the corner.  “We are wearing the same ones, look how fast I'm moving.  I think it must be the several rum and cokes you had.  Come,” Nikolai held out his hand, “we will go faster together.” 

Selina rolled her eyes but linked her hand with his.  Nikolai took off, and she started to laugh.  The exhilaration and adrenaline coursed through her veins.  Never in a million years would she have imagined dining and ditching.  

Nik was so calm as he spoke to the waiter in the dialect they were being bellowed at.  He never blinked.  Then the waiter nodded, took something from him and walked away.  Nikolai stood and clasped Selina’s hand and began to make his way towards the door. 

“Nikolai, shouldn't you pay?” 

There was a slight shake to his head.  He never looked back, just kept going with Selina tight to his side.  They made it to the door before they both had to give chase. 

Selina swung out into the street.  She waved and whistled loudly at an oncoming taxi.  To her shock, it stopped to pull over for them.  Nik was incredulous but had no choice except join his date as she yanked him inside the cab.  

“Bleecker and Christopher, please,” she instructed the taxi driver.  Selina turned to the Russian beside her,  “Are we going to break the law EVERY time we're together?”  

“Yes.  Like a new Bonnie and Clyde.”  Nikolai lifted the hand Selina hadn't realized he was still holding.  His lips brushed the back of it, “Without being shot to death by the FBI.” 

Selina's heart pounded in her ears.  She couldn't remember seeing anyone look attractive in the color orange.  Yet here was the man beside her, currently with a look she could only describe as voracious, pulling it off.  Her cheeks grew hot under the weight of his stare. 

“What?!” came out in an embarrassing giggle. 

“I cannot look at something beautiful?” 

“You don't have to lay it on THAT thick.  I'm taking you back to my apartment already.” 

“I'm not trying to trick you, Lina.  I think you are beautiful. I almost blew my own mission.  Especially under the moonlight.  You made me forget what I was doing.  Your willingness to allow me to do unspeakable things to your body helped,” he teased.  

Selina decided to play coy as the taxi stopped in front of her building.  “Let's see what happens under this month’s full moon.” 

---

Selina and Nikolai on the fire escape outside her living room window.  Selina a few beers in and a few steps above.  Nikolai nursing a beer of his own while settled between her knees.  His arm under her knee to snake around her calf.  His fingers mindlessly stroked her ankle to the naked foot dangling in his lap. 

They had fallen into a contented silence after nearly two hours of talking.  Sharing stories in Russian and English.  Nik’s curiosity about the photos and books and records she owned was endless.  Selina had a hard time keeping up and answering as he flitted along from keepsake to keepsake. 

Yes, that's Elton John.  Somehow he and her parents were old friends.  He dedicated “Your Song” to her parents every concert they went to.  Selina could never figure out why. 

The somehow dower, yet smiling man, with a giant cigar in his mouth that tossed Selina in the air while little Sunny hung from his back was her Godfather, Tom.  He had been a CIA agent that now lived in a cabin with his beautiful French wife, Ella.  That's where she had been  staying up at Sway Lake.  Yes he did always look like a lion with a thorn in his paw, but he was soft and kind and loving.  

The Lady Godiva on the horse was her mother, Honey, back when she frequented Studio 54.  Selina recalled her hair rivaled only Cher’s at that stage.  Raven colored and long enough to hide her naked body (barely) as she sat side saddle on the white mare.  Her head resting against the back of an equally nude man. Her one arm wrapped around his thin waist. 

Nope, Nik was totally not imagining things.  The man holding the reins did strongly resemble her brother and himself.  That was HER papa, Leon. His hair in perfectly wild curls to his shoulders. His face full of confidence and sex. 

The questions began to wear Selina down.  No one had ever been this inquisitive or interested in her life.  Her family.  Her.  The endless questions, punctuated by making out until their lips chapped, about her personally.  Then, between an anecdote about Luther and rollerskating and tongues fighting for dominance they stopped.  

Now Nikolai lifted Selina’s foot and kissed the top of it.  Then his mouth made its way up her shin.  When he reached her knee, Nik turned abruptly to face the woman behind him.  He set the bottle down on the windowsill before kneeling on the stairs.  He slid the hem of her dress up, fingers hooked into the fabric of her panties to tug them off.  He kissed her inner thigh before letting his tongue trace painfully slow along her sex. 

Selina could only grasp the railing.  Her fingers curved around the cold metal and she cried out in pleasure as Nikolai slipped his tongue inside of her.  

It slid in and out before eventually discovering her clit.  His hands on her ass so that he could pull her onto his face.  Encourage her to ride him as his tongue flicked in circles and then snaked in and out. 

Selina started to lose herself.  Her free hand tugged at Nik’s hair while her hips bucked and the spark grew.  She twitched and cried out louder as his mouth and tongue worked faster.  She opened her eyes to look down at the man keen to make her cum. 

Almost as if he could feel her eyes on him, Nikolai looked up at Selina.  She felt strange, shameless and used her own thumb to wipe away what was on his lips.  She sucked on it briefly then grabbed Nik by the shirt towards her.  Wanting for a kiss.  

Selina revelled in the way she tasted on his lips and inside her own mouth.  Like beer and bitterness.  She had never done that before Nikolai and the lake.  She wanted to do it again, and every time he went down on her.  She wanted to put him in her mouth.  To suck and lick and make him bend and writhe.  

She could, she thought, now.  Selina pushed Nik away at arms length meaning to have him sit on the stairs so she could give him head.  Her fingers deft at the belt buckle and buttons on his pants. She laughed full of nerves as he fumbled, THE OVERCONFIDENT RUSSIAN FUMBLED!! 

Nikolai fumbled with the buttons on his dress shirt before he finally came loose.  He yanked his pants and boxers over his hips and held his cock in his hand. Nik parted her legs and started to push inside, but Selina held up her hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you not want me to have sex with you?”  He was more shocked than angry. 

Selina ran her hands over his chest and stomach then up around his neck.  “I very much want to fuck you.” Nikolai huffed, but Selina continued, “I mean I've seen you naked and can't get over how fucking sexy you are.”  

“Then what is wrong?  Not here?  Maybe this is not comfortable for you.  We’ll go inside.”  He stood and held out his hand.

“It's probably the same as fucking on a bunch of sticks and acorns.”

Nikolai sniffed again at the use of the word “fucking.”  “Then what is wrong?”

Selina stood and climbed in through the windows.  Her date followed.  “There's an international health crisis.   A incurable disease that passes mostly via sex and fluids?” she shouted from her room as she rummaged through drawers. 

“Do you mean The..AIDS?  Is that not for,” he chose his words carefully, “The gay men?” 

Selina could tell Nik was more confused than anything.  She heard this all the time at the clinic where she volunteered. “Or you could be bisexual or pansexual like my brothers.  Contract it from a man and pass it to a female partner.”  

She appeared in the living room now with a small foil package.  “Or an IV drug user, also like my brother, and get it that way.” 

Selina started to unwrap the condom without noticing that Nikolai was standing completely nude in her living room.  “This is usually where most guys bail.  They're not interested in protection or rubbers.  Mostly just a pump and..” she looked up and paused in her tracks. She was distracted by his body and neck and eyes and jawline.  “Christ on a cracker.”

“What?”  he chuckled.  

“Sorry! I know. I know.  AIDS talk is a bummer.  I get this close to just.. sitting on a dick and I panic?  Everyone in my family got the sexual confidence memo but me.” 

“Why are you panicking now?  You did not freak out by Sway Lake.”  

Nikolai couldn't help the teasing in his voice.  He reached out for Selina to draw her close to his body.  His knee inside of her thighs just like that night.  

Now he unzipped and helped her out of the dress.  “I think it's very sexy when you talk like a nurse. So smart and commanding.”  His hands ran over her bare back and down to her ass as he brushed his nose along her neck up to her ear.  He nipped at the lobe, “That can be very erotic putting a condom on.” 

“Nik,” Selina could only squeak out.  Her body involuntarily started to rock back and forth. 

“It's Kolya.  In Russian we use end of names,” he breathed in her ear.  “Like your sister, Vanya.   Little Ivan.”

“Ok,” Selina didn't want to hear about Vanya right now.  Or Klaus.  Or Diego.  Instead she got down on her knees.  The condom was still in her hand as she used the other to hold his erection towards her mouth.

“Lina, what are you doing?”  

She looked up through her bangs, her tongue darted out to trace around the head of the cock.  “Sucking your dick.  What else does it look like?”  She took it fully in her mouth, letting the tip hit the back of her throat.  

“Fuck,” he mumbled in Russian.  “Dorogoya, stop.”  

Selina sat back with a popping sound, “Did I do it wrong?  I'm like, the LEAST experienced person in this family.”

“You don't have to be an expert.  A blow job is a blow job, we can practice another time.  I want to be inside of you.  And I have been very patient.”

Selina stood, but Nikolai lifted her completely off the ground.  She wrapped her arms and legs around him as they stumbled towards the futon.  Mouths and tongues at war as Nik sat her down on the cushions.  Selina held eye contact as she expertly unrolled the condom down the length of his cock.  She kissed his stomach as he noticeably shuddered.  

Nikolai let his fingers caress Selina’s bottom lip before crawling on top of her.  She still held his erection in her hand as he threw one of her legs over his shoulder.  He held her bent knee to the side as she taunted him with her sex.  Guiding it just inside before digging her nails into his ass so that he buried himself to the hilt. 

Selina clawed at his back as Nik started to undulate.  Over and over, further inside each time.  Their bodies rocked wildly as Selina’s muscles started to shake from the position she was in.  She clung to him desperately as he searched for her neck and chest with his lips.  

Nikolai’s mouth devoured one of her breasts.  He sucked and bit at Selina’s nipple.  She cried out in shock at the sensation.  The sound egged him on to go harder.  

“So you like that too?” His voice raspy in her cleavage. His suckling and biting increased.  She mewled in reply. 

Selina was worried that it wasn't working.  That she couldn't or wouldn't orgasm.  Not like she did when he went down on her.  How she hung from the cliff.  

She WAS being pleasured.  Nikolai was hitting the right spots, but she was so nervous about what she looked like under the lamplight.  His rhythm and pounding, it was pounding, into her was unmatched.  She cried out with exaggeration to indicate she had cum hoping he wouldn't notice. 

“Fuck!” he cried out and propped himself up by the back of the futon.  

Nik’s body arched while his hips made circular motion.  He spasmed and shuddered as his body immediately went into shut down mode.  His face covered in a sheen of sweat as he pressed his forehead into Selina’s neck then pecked it a few times. 

“I.. am sorry, Lina.” There was disappointment in the Russian’s voice as he held the condom so he could pull out.

“For what?”   Her arms and legs still enclosed around his back and hips.  

“You did not.. cum,” Nik’s eyes searched the woman below him.  “I should have tried better.  I just was so turned on by you.”  He swept the damp hair away from her forehead. 

“You were fine!  It was good.  Really good.  I got in my own head is all.  Maybe next time?” 

“You mean later tonight,” he winked then pecked the tip of her nose. “I won't leave until you are honestly screaming my name.”  There were four dimples Selina counted in his smile.  

“Then we’ll sleep on it first.” 

---- 

Selina tip toed out to the kitchen both starved and thirsty.  She thought about Nikolai's playful threat about not leaving until she got off and chuckled to herself.  Then she peered around the wall to see him asleep on the futon.  His mouth slightly agape and one hand under his cheek. 

Would it be so bad with him around all the time? She thought as she cracked open a beer.  To not be alone when she came home from a shift?  How nice it would be to have conversations with someone not “related” in some form or another. 

And Nikolai was interested in Selina.  He still dodged questions about himself, answering straightforwardly with no details.  She knew it was because he didn't trust her just yet.  It wasn't like she didn't have secrets of her own, but the more open she COULD be, the more she knew Nik would reciprocate.  It had to be lonely with only one confidante. 

Selina turned around and jumped a mile in the air.  “Motherfucker!”

Nikolai was casually leaning against the doorway watching her contemplate life and drinking a beer.  “She IS very sexy,” he replied with a cheeky grin. 

Selina rolled her eyes and walked towards her kitchen table to keep distance between herself and the Russian.  As if she were daring him to chase her.  Nik made her feel so contradictory.  In control and submissive.  Safe yet dangerous.  Lustful.  

There was no opposite to that, she realized.  The light from her small kitchen window illuminated the lines and definition of his chest and shoulders.  The collarbone that met in the middle and moved up into his thick neck with its Adam's Apple bobbing along as he swallowed.  A sharp intake of breath before he clenched his jaw.  

Selina’s heart pumped into her ears as he casually reached across the table for her, but she ducked out of the way.  His eyebrows knit together in confusion as they danced around for only a few moments until she allowed him to grab her by the elbow.  Her world stood still as he took her in his arms, back to his chest. 

“I have been thinking, rypka, about our little challenge,” Nikolai settled one hand on her breast which he massaged lightly paying close attention to her nipple.  His mouth somewhere behind her ear as his other hand dropped to her sex. 

A finger found its way inside of Selina and she lost the air in her lungs.  It curved and hooked before making a lazy swirl around her clit.  “Already?” was all she managed.  Her nails closed around his wrist and urged him on. 

“I would like to try a different way of having sex with you.  I just don't want you to be offended.”  

Nik let go of Selina and placed her arms on the tabletop.  He spread her hands out; bent her forward so that her top half was pressed into the wood surface.  Then he grabbed her hips so that her ass was flush with his hardened cock.

“No anal,” she moaned.  “Wear a condom,” another instruction. “Bathroom shelf.” She grazed against him. 

“If you insist,” Nikolai replied in Russian. “I will obey.”  

There was a playful slap on Selina’s ass, and she felt herself swell and throb.  A first time for everything. If she enjoyed it, wet from the sting of being struck, it was.. genetic.  

Her brothers, father, even Honey mentioned the occasional pain got them going.  Klaus and Sunny with varying degrees of punishment.  She knew from eavesdropping or snooping that her parents preferred it light: spanking or hair pulling.  Maybe she did as well.  Too vanilla to ask.  Inexperienced to what she wanted from a partner. 

“Do it again?” Selina tried not to sound desperate as Nikolai tore into the condom wrapper.  She almost presented herself to him as she felt the smooth surface on her cheek.

“What?” he was distracted.  There was a strange snap of latex as he adjusted it.  Then taunted Selina with the head of his cock.  He rubbed it along her slit, marveling at how easy it was to slide in. 

“Hitting me?” she asked timidly. 

“Why would I hit you?” Nikolai was offended.  His hand flat on Selina's back as it traveled to her neck and hair.  His fingers combed and intertwined with her dark waves then lightly tugged. 

Selina braced herself as he lost himself up to the hilt.  Nikolai's pelvis met her ass and pulled out to just the tip.  He repeated this until he gained friction.  Her head and hips were his anchor so he could thrust quicker. Their bodies make a clapping noise. 

“My ass.  Like you did.  Hit it.”  She was willing to try anything.  Wanted to cum for him.  She knew she could, she did it alone all the time.

“Really?” Nik was surprised.  His pace was even faster and the table started to creak under the motion.  “Did you like it then?” His hand cracked her flesh but only slightly harder than before.  

Selina cried out.  Her sex ached and was swollen.  Nikolai did it one more time, but she could tell it wasn't really his thing.  Sensed that it bothered him to be serious about erotic corporal punishment.  Playing was different.  His hand did tighten in her hair to bend her head back. 

“I don't know,” was all he mumbled in Russian.  

The hand that spanked Selina now encompassed her own on the table.  He bent to kiss her shoulder as he found his breakneck rhythm. 

“Then just go harder,” Selina found her voice now.  She relaxed and allowed her body to take how deeply he penetrated her.  His cock at that angle hitting a spot she found mythical. 

Nikolai railed into Selina.  The table and their bodies shook almost violently as he pounded into her.  His shaft lost until she felt a pressure in her womb.  He stood straight and clutched at the thick of her hips.  Her curves she inherited from her mother.  They cushioned her as his body and cock pleased her.  That spark and wave rolled over Selina like on the couch.  

They weren't quiet.  Both forgetting about neighbors as Selina mewled and screamed out. Nikolai growled and uttered obscenities in his first language.  They were certain this would be it, that Selina would orgasm and Nik would feel satisfied that he could please her.  

Instead, his body violently shuddered as he exploded inside the condom.  His muscles and adrenaline gave way to Nik almost collapsing on top of Selina.  He faltered prior to catching her up in his arms again.  He held her and whispered apologies to her as they kissed. 

“Kolya,” she whispered back.  “It's fine.  I was really close.  We have other times to  experiment.”  Selina swept his damp curls back. 

Nikolai leaned into her hand, “You want to keep being with me?” 

“That's what dating is,” she laughed under her breath. “I like being with you.  I wanna know more about YOU though.  Come on,” Selina took his hand.  “Let's actually go to bed and talk.”

---

Selina reached blindly for Nikolai after her alarm went off.  Sitting up, she slammed the clock and turned to see an empty space on the side of the bed he had fallen asleep on. 

She knew he wasn't obligated to be there when she woke up.  This time waking up alone left a weird knot in her stomach.  

“Fuck,” she tossed herself back and threw a pillow over her head to scream.  Her arms and legs failed around like a toddler throwing a fit. 

How long was enough before she called him?  Would he just disappear now? Klaus called it, funnily enough, ghosting.  Why did everything Nik say tread a weird line between romantic and calculating?  And why did Selina want him to keep saying things, anything at all, to her? 

How does someone know they're falling in love? How did Honey and Leon?  Klaus and Dave.  Allison and Ray.  Diego and Patch or Lila.  Vanya and Sissy.  Uncle Tom and Aunt Ella.  Poor Luther.

Selina’s family had a knack for impulsive behavior when it came to attraction.  Her mom moved to a foreign country with a man she had slept with for money.  Klaus fought in Vietnam for a closeted man that kissed him once. Sunny went home with, to Selina’s chagrin, anyone who showered him with the simplest of affection. And Selina had laid down and spread her legs for a Russian committing arson.  

“Lina you are awake?” Nikolai asked from the other room. 

She threw a bathrobe on and wandered into the kitchen.  “You came back.”

Nik was reaching above her tiny sink for coffee mugs and plates.  “Did you not want me to?”

He set the dishes out and opened a box to pull out some pastries and bagels.  Then poured coffee and handed Selina the cup. 

“I wasn’t sure what you liked,” he offered her the plate.  “Greek, Italian and Russian,” a satisfied grin flashed across his face.

“Well that was kind of you,” she smiled back and helped herself to a cannoli and Russian tea cookie.  “Yes, I wanted you to come back. I think I kinda always do?” she questioned her own intentions with a mouthful of pastry. 

Nik leaned over and kissed Selina.  His tongue darted out to taste the sweet ricotta filling on her lips; she reciprocated.  Her own slipping to the back of his mouth to catch him off guard. Nik steadied himself on her hips. 

There was a muddled sound of pleasure when Selina’s fingers unbuttoned Nikolai’s shirt in expert time.  Their mouths never separated as she went to work on his belt and pants as he struggled to take his boots off. 

“This was not my plan for this morning,” Nik breathed heavily in Russian. 

“I'm just really interested in us reaching that goal,” Selina helped him out of his clothes.  

Kissing again, they could feel their lips start to chap already as Selina began backing Nik into her room until he hit the foot of her bed.  As he leaned back, she climbed on his lap.  Her hands seized his cock and settled it in the folds of her sex.  Selina rolled her hips.

“What are you doing!?” Nikolai could only cry out. Astonished by the lack of a condom.  

“I'm sick of being the safe one,” she raised up on her knees so that she was above him.  Her hands on his face and neck as she snaked her tongue to the back of his teeth again.  

Selina shoved him back on the bed and threw off her robe.  She straddled Nikolai like a woman possessed, took his hands and placed them on her breasts as she rode him.  Still not penetrated.

Nik lost himself for a moment.  He massaged the breasts.  One hand teased a nipple, pinched it,  before sitting up to devour it.  Selina held him to her chest, clung to the hair on the back of his head and pulled in her excitement.  Her fingers found the gnarly scar and she rocked harder on his lap. 

“I want you to fuck me until I cum.” 

Nikolai looked up and held her back, “It is not fucking at this point.  Not for me, Lina.  Also you must not compromise your principles for anyone.  I do not want this for you.”  

Selina groaned with exasperation.  Her walls were swollen and slick and wanting.  “It's not a compromise, Nik.  Everyone jumps in my family and trusts they’ll fly while I stand on the cliff pacing back and forth.” 

He blinked, mouth just slightly agape.  That face.  Selina knew that face.  She loved that face.  She loved this face. “Lina, you are extraordinary.  You don't need to have a big life just yet.  It will happen.” 

“Kolya,” her words softer now as she relaxed, “I love you.”

“Do you?!” a dopey grin spread across Nikolai's face.  “It is the same for me I think?  I've never done this, you know.  “That I love you.”  

He kissed Selina before turning under her to rummage around the nightstand drawer. “Now we will go back to the way you prefer?  If I need to I will get..” he stopped and held something aloft.  Now his smile and dimples were devilish. 

He studied it before making it buzz with a push of a button.  “Pocket Rocket?! Lina, are you secretly naughty?" he giggled. 

"I don't think it's a secret to you anymore,” she reached for it.  Her cheeks turned red. 

"Who do you fantasize about when you use it?" Nikolai held it to Selina’s breasts.  He watched with fascination as her nipples hardened.  He let it travel over her stomach and back up. 

Selina moaned and twisted. "You're just trying to get me to say you, but I've had it since I turned twenty.  So mostly you know.. Keanu Reeves..”  

“But not me?" his eyebrow cocked.  Nikolai traced the vibrator along her hips and over her pelvic bone.  

"Once in a while,” her words came out breathless.

"As a Russian, I'm already superior at using it because rocket?” he waggled his brows now.  “We can now?  With you on top?”

The toy found her slit and slid inside easily.  It buzzed and made the air rush out of Selina’s lungs.  She dug her nails into Nikolai's chest while he started to use the vibrator to have sex with her.  Found a pattern of in and out while she bucked and writhed.  

Selina reached back to anchor herself on one of Nik’s thighs. It allowed him better access to her clit.  He Marveled at the way she agonized under his hand as it manipulated her.  His free hand on her ass to coax her faster as SHE undulated now as he had done on the couch.  Her hips danced separately from her upper half.

Nikolai rolled Selina on her back all of a sudden.  Her hair hung off the bed as he propped up on an elbow.  He worked the vibrator in circles.  In and out of her slick walls before going after the clit.  

Selina got tangled up in the sheets as she felt a warmth spread from her stomach to her sex.  Her thighs started to tighten around Nik's hand as she thrust her hips off the bed.  Eyes clamped shut as the first wave washed over her body.  Neck exposed for him to suck and bite which urged another orgasm to burn through her.  

Nikolai was stunned by her silence.  Selina’s mouth opened in a silent cry as she came a third time in succession.  This last time she managed a strangled scream of his name which he swallowed with a kiss.  

A shiver ran through Selina while she relaxed.  Her fingers traced patterns along Nikolai's bicep as her eyes closed.  Cumming was like a sedative.  Nikolai cupping her face and drawing it to his for a lazy kiss was a sedative.  The rain she had no idea was pouring in buckets outside her window was also a sedative.  

The vibrator continued buzzing until it didn't.  The room grew quiet save for the breaths that came from Nik’s nose.  Still heavy with his still hardened bulge pressed into Selina’s hip.  There was no move to get on top of her.  To have sex with her so he, too, could cum.  She started to idly jerk him off. 

“Lina stop,” he gently took her hand.  “This was about you, not me.  It'll go away eventually.  Like I will,” he said that last bit with a challenge in his voice.  

Selina curled on her side towards Nikolai.  “Or maybe don't go?” 

“Ty khochesh', chtoby ya ostalsya?” You want me to stay?

“Po krayney mere, yeshche odno polnoluniye.”

At least one more full moon.

Tag list: @elliethesuperfruitlover @super-unpredictable98 @messengeronthemoon @nightmonsters @070188 @rob-private @firstpersonnarrator @ghouls-buddy @frogs--are--bitches @maerenee930 @duck-noises @bwritesstuff @sylvertyger @a-ghoulish-tale @icecoffeegirl @iamsexytrash @clumsyramen @falloutby @inspiremeandsetmefree @philodenmonstera @seancekitsch @the-freckled-luba @violetrainbow412-blog

[treasure-hwa]

sparkling wine and cake

pairing: seonghwa x g.neutral reader

genre: fluff

synopsis: Seonghwa could not ask for a better way of spending new year's eve.

word count: 1755

author's note: is it good, you ask me. It's better than nothing, I answer. I should have posted it on January 1st, but I didn't, so enjoy it now, 14 days into the new year.

Winter felt way colder and sadder when there was not a cozy place full of cheerful people to spend new year’s eve. The place Seonghwa lived in felt emotionless and chilly, even though the heater was on.

He focused on baking the chocolate cake he decided to bake just so he could distract himself from the sting burning on his chest. Not being able to spend new year’s eve with his family was painful and the man cursed his boss for demanding, in the last minute, he worked on December 30th and the afternoon of the first day of the year. Seonghwa had booked a flight to his hometown, but, due to work, he had to call it off, and booking a flight on new year's eve was impossible.

His friends were also already busy, and Seonghwa didn't want to bother them, so, that night, it would be only him, the chocolate cake and maybe a glass of sparkling wine toasted with the wind the moment the clock hit 00:00.

It's how it's gonna be, he thought to himself while cleaning the kitchen's counter, it will be fine, I can video call my parents later. But when you least expect, things happen, don't they?

Around 10:30pm, the doorbell rang, and Seonghwa, without hurry, went to the door, getting a big surprise when he opened it.

— Hey, happy new year.

— Y/N?

— I know, it's not 2021 yet, but whatever. Can I come in? I brought some… snacks. — You showed him a convenience store white plastic bag you had on your hand.

— Sure, come in. What did you bring? — You shared a quick hug before the boy took the bag from you, taking it to the kitchen.

You left your shoes and coat, full of little white dots of snow, on the specific places and came into the house, sighing when the warm air welcomed you.

— Sparkling wine, Pringles and chocolate. — You sat on the couch, stretching your legs and your red and green striped sock clad feet.

— Nice. Why are you here? Not trying to be rude, of course — He hurried to correct himself in case you misunderstood him.

— I came here to spend new year's eve with you, Hwa, obviously.

— But why? What about your family? — the man questioned, putting the sparkling wine bottle on the refrigerator and taking out the one he already had, pouring the golden liquid on two glasses.

— Split up. My sister is with her boyfriend, my brother with his friends and mom and dad are with their respective new partners.

— I am sorry, I guess. — Seonghwa came to the living room, sat beside you and handed you the glass, pouting and touching your arm gently with his free hand.

— It's okay. — You smiled and, even though it was kind of a broken one, you seemed content enough, more content when you sipped on the sparkling wine. — At least we are together.

He smiled with the ending words, finally realizing he would start 2021 near someone really important to him.

You and the man met on the train station two years ago. The place was crowded and both were moving to the big city because of great job offers, something they couldn't find in their respective hometowns. Everybody was waiting for cabs and, when one stopped in front of you and you opened the car's door, you saw a breathless guy running towards you.

"Please, let me take this one. I am already so late to meet my new landlord."

"Well, me too, but… we can share the cab, what do you think? I go first, then you go."

He agreed, thanked your gentleness and got into the cab, rearranging his luggage on the available space. Two days later, you met at the local bakery and discovered you lived next to each other. The rest was story.

— Is there cake? Your house smells like cake.

— Yep, I’m just waiting for it to cold down.

A moment of silence.

— What are your plans?

— Watching a movie, eating cake and drinking sparkling wine during the whole night, maybe getting a little drunk. — He shrugged his shoulders. — Sounds good or do you want to do anything else?

— Anything sounds good with you, Hwa.

Maybe Seonghwa had melted and his heart lost a beat. If he was totally honest, he would say he has a crush on you, and what had just been said wasn't exactly healthy for his situation.

Giving a shy smile, he turned the TV on and handed you the remote control to choose something worthy enough of watching during that time of the year. A Christmas themed romcom was just starting, so you decided on watching it, focusing completely. Or it seemed like you were: the man was trying so hard not to wrap his arm around you, who wanted to lay your head on his shoulder so bad.

And why don’t they just do it? Because they do not know the other reciprocates their feelings. Dumb? Yes. What if they get rejected and lose the other’s friendship? It is a no no.

You felt like you were building the courage to rest your body on him, but he got up in the wrong moment, asking if you wanted cake, talking about all the process he went to make it. Externally, you smiled and said “sure”. Mentally, you cursed.

When he came back to the living room, his hands were full with two plates of chocolate cake and a bottle of sparkling wine. After helping him, you were again seated beside each other, trying to fill your minds with something other than the warmth the other was giving away, which was proved incredibly hard for him, since he could not not pay attention on her giggles every time the main couple on the TV did something cute, she kept biting her lips to fight the urge to smile wide, and he did the same because she was so cute while watching romance things — there was a reason why he never got tired of watching k-dramas along with her.

— Hwa… Hwa! — he got out of his own in-love trance after hearing the cause of it calling him. — It’s almost midnight already!

— Is it? What time is it?

— Three minutes to midnight. Come with me.

— What? Where?

You smiled and took his hands. It was now or never. I don’t care if he rejects me, I need him to know my feelings, it’s my new year resolution. You opened the glass door that gave way to the balcony and pushed Seonghwa gently on the side grid.

— Y/N, what are you doing?

— Just wait, okay?

He nodded, hugging you and rubbing your back when he saw you shivering because of the cold. Maybe skinship was not that strong on your relationship, however both of you were okay with it, you kind of wished it would happen often, so every time you touched hands or shared a hug felt like you had ascended to heaven. Your heart felt lighter and you could not help your big smile.

— Too cold? — Seonghwa questioned in a low voice, still rubbing your back with his delicate, big hands. — Should we go back inside.

— A little, but no. I have something to say.

From the TV inside the apartment, you heard a commercial initiating the countdown.

“10, 9, 8…”

You took the man’s hands, holding and caressing them like they were made of crystal. He smiled, not thinking too much of it, just appreciating the physical contact his crush was giving him.

Now or never. Now or never. Now or never!

— I like you, Hwa! Please, accept my feelings.

“7, 6, 5…”

He said nothing, too shocked to form words. Nevertheless, you kept going:

— I’m going to kiss you now. You can push me away if you want.

“4, 3…”

— Would never dare. — He breathed out the three words and cupped your face.

“2, 1… Happy new year!”

You took a step forward, gently tugging on his neck so your lips could meet in the most desired kiss in the past months. Your lips fit his plump and pinkish ones perfectly, as it was meant to be. His mouth tasted sweet, both from the cake and the sparkling wine. His hands held your face fearing it was a dream. Fireworks exploded in the sky, as it did in your stomachs.

However, you broke the kiss to hide your face on Seonghwa’s shoulder, and not knowing what happened, he hugged and asked loud enough to be heard:

— What’s wrong? Did I do something you didn’t like?

— I don’t like fireworks. Too loud!

Without wasting more time, he took you back inside and closed the balcony door. Leaving you on the couch, Seonghwa went to the kitchen and got the other bottle of sparkling wine, opening it without making a mess, and the Pringles and chocolate you had brought. He put those things on top of the center table and filled your glasses, proposing a toast in the name of the new year.

— It brought me love already, so I just want peace, health and success for the world.

— Cheers! — You lifted your glass happily, but got scared by another loud firework.

Chuckling, he sat beside you and finally cuddled your body on his.

— No need to be scared, I’m here to protect you now.

— My hero — you joked, sipping your gold alcoholic drink to hide your nervousness. He kissed me because he likes me too, right? He said he would never dare to push me away, so it is reciprocated, right?

Interrupting your thoughts, Seonghwa pecked your lips, cupping your face and pulling away before you could even notice.

— I didn’t say it outside, but I like you too, and if you want the first change of the year… I can be it for you.

Was it really happening?

— Pinch me first. — Giggling, he pinched and kissed your cheek. — Definitely real. I want it.

— Happy new year, Hwa.

— Happy new year, dear.

And this was how they spent the night: drinking sparkling wine and mixing Pringles, chocolate and cake, stealing quick shy salty and sweet pecks from each other. Finally, two lonely hearts met and began to beat in sync.

- [happy new year] -

[catxsnow]

VENGEANCE T.D.

Summary: After Jason’s death, Tim was the one person that you could lean on, now more than ever. 

Tim x reader and Sister!reader x Jason

Warning: Jason’s death, obviously. swears

A/N: I’m not entirely content with this, might fuck with a part two, who knows.

GIF not mine 

Part Two

Word count: 2.6k

Jason Todd didn't hate Tim Drake.

He never hated Tim, he hated Bruce for allowing Tim to be put into the same situation that he was in. Jason never wanted to see another Robin be brutally murdered like he was. He never wanted another opportunity for some innocent kid who was just trying to make good in the world be beaten to death.

Jason did however, hate Bruce for not getting revenge on his behalf. He hated that Bruce never killed the Joker for killing him. That was why he was filled with so much hate towards the Wayne family. He thought he meant enough to Bruce to cross the line for once. Then again, he also thought that you would too.

You were Jason's younger sister, only by just under two years but he acted as if he was your parent half the time. When the two of you got taken in by Bruce, he became even more protective over you - if that was even possible. You were all Jason had for a very long time.

The shit that the two of you had gone through together, the things that you needed to do to survive, well, nothing could break that bond. Nothing besides the Joker.

The Joker took Jason away from you. When Jason found out that your mother was alive, he went on his own. He knew too well that you would want nothing to do with her - the two of you never got along, not that it was very easy to get along with her in the first place.

So, when Jason was on that cold, concrete floor, beaten half to death and blood dripping everywhere, his last thought was that he was glad you never came with him. He was glad that you never had to go through the pain that he did and the death that followed.

You had never felt so much pain in your life. The heartbreak that Jason's death caused you broke you in ways that you didn't think possible. Jason was the only one that was there for you when you needed someone, he was always the person who knew the right things to say, and wouldn't hesitate to get his hands dirty and make someone pay if they dared hurt you.

Jason was the best big brother you could have ever imagined. Losing him, was like losing a piece of yourself. You couldn't take the pain of missing your other half - so, just like Bruce had done, you put every spare moment of time out on the streets. Your mantle of Batgirl was upheld, but your antics more violent.

Bruce saw it, GCPD saw it, even Dick saw it and he barely stepped foot into the manor after his departure and fight with Bruce. However, no one said anything about it. Bruce was just the same, if not worse. His punches became harder, never ending until his victim was barely breathing. So close to crossing the line, but never far enough to not be able to come back.

And then Tim Drake came around.

He somehow figured out Bruce was Batman and that you were Batgirl. He knew that the two of you needed a Robin, someone that would keep you from passing that line for good. So Bruce took him in, he trained Tim and made him the next Robin.

You didn't mind Tim. He was a nice guy - even though you were very rude to him at first. The loss of Jason turned you in to a completely different person. Cold, untrusting, snappy, nothing like you used to be. He knew what had happened and tried his best to make life better for you.

Slowly, you started to warm up to Tim. You saw him less as a replacement to your brother and more of a friend. He didn't want you to think that he replaced Jason, he simply wanted to help to make sure that you and Batman kept your morals that you spent years maintaining.

He was the reason that you never crossed that line. Tim stopped you from killing the Joker. The moment that he popped his out of the twisted shadows he hid within, you were there, beating the ever living hell out of him. All you could see was him beating Jason, an innocent kid. You did this for Jason, to avenge him.

Joker was left in a bloody, beaten, lifeless pulp when you were done with him. Broken ribs, displaced knees, so much blood on his face that he wasn't recognizable. You wanted to kill him, you tried to, but Tim was the one to swoop in the last minute, stopping you from something you would regret for the rest of your life.

You broke down in his arms, crying that your brother was gone and that he was right, killing the Joker wouldn't bring him back. Tim held you as you bawled, promising that he would be there for you, no matter the pain. You just wanted to feel something other than the heartbreak that filled your chest - so Tim changed that.

Instead of grief, he filled you with happiness, love, desire. Upon trying to help you, Tim fell in love with you along the way. He spent hours with you, training to be better, crying on the year death of your brother, anything  to distract you from the pain. He was there with you every step of the way.

He was scared to tell you how he felt. Scared that you only saw him as a crutch rather than a lover.

On the night of a Wayne gala, he couldn't hold his tongue any longer. You wore the most gorgeous gown that he had ever seen, or maybe it was just because you were the one in it. So, when the two of you danced, hand in hand and effortless gliding across the ballroom, he ended the dance with a kiss.

You weren't expecting it, but the moment that he had his lips on yours, you completely melted into him. Feelings that you never realized were even there erupted through your whole body, a happiness that you hadn't felt since that day. Tim swept you off your feet, literally.

You were happy with Tim. He brought a smile to your face on the hardest of days. Patrolling became something that you looked forward to again rather than feeling like a chore. You were no longer as violent as you once were, Bruce was slowly feeling the same way. Tim brought a light to both of your lives.

Things finally seemed like they were getting back to a place of normalcy. You could sleep at night without waking up from a nightmare, visit Jason's grave (something that was always too painful to do before Tim), even go into Jason's old room. Things were getting easier, but the pain was still there.

"Batgirl to Robin," you spoke over the comms. It was a pretty normal night on patrol - a few common thugs but nothing major. A new and improved Batgirl suit covered your body - you had finally outgrown the old one.

"Robin."

"How do you feel about a late night sushi date after this?" It was nearing the end of your guys night and you were starting to get hungry. The bright lights of a 24-hour sushi restaurant were catching your attention.

"You always hated sushi."

The voice made you jump. This wasn't Tim's voice, in fact it wasn't even over the comms. It was coming from right behind you. Not very many people could sneak up on you - in fact only Batman was able to and this sure as hell wasn't Batman. A tall man with a red helmet and guns holstered on his hips stood before you.

His voice was distorted and you had no idea who it was or where they had come from. Gotham was filled with all kinds of crazy, but only few were skilled enough to best you.

However, it was what he had known about you that threw you off - hating sushi. It was true, you never liked sushi until you met Tim. He had taken you there on a date one evening and before you could complain about the choice of food, he had given you the best meal of your life. Not only did you like the food now, but eating it always reminded you of him.

You decided that attacking first, asking questions later was your best choice. You didn't know who this guy was but you weren't planning on finding out the hard way. This guy could be wanting to kill you - not that you would be surprised. After upholding the mantle for several years after Barbra, you had a pretty long list of enemies.

This guy, wasn't one of them. Yet.

Whoever he was, he knew how to fight. Every move that you pulled on him, he somehow knew how to block, counter, or predict. He managed to dodge nearly all of your attempts at a batarang hit and those that he wasn't able to dodge, deflected off of his helmet. He was good, maybe better than you.

You landed several good punches on him. Since his helmet seemed to be strong, you aimed for the ribs, the knees, and shoulders. However, it seemed that with every hit you got, he had returned. Pain flared up in your ribs and you were sure that they were cracked, if not broken.

The man's kick had pushed you across the roof and you landed painful against the ground. A loud groan was emitted and all the wind was knocked out of your lungs. This guy was good, there was no way that you could take him on your own.

"Robin I-" you never got to finish you sentence. A loud gunshot rang out with a bullet zooming right by your ear. Ringing filled your head and you flinched away from your earpiece.

"Batgirl? Batgirl! What happened? (Y/N)!" Tim yelled. You didn't dare reach to try and speak to him again. Not when his gun was out and pointed right at you. Instead, you raised your arms in a temporary surrender. This man, he obviously wanted something otherwise he would have shot you already.

"What do you want? Who are you?" He never lowered his gun. You narrowed your eyes at him, "you're not going to kill me, so what the hell do you want. Better make it quick, the Bats is on his way."

"You've gotten better at being Batgirl," He finally spoke again. The modulated voice rang loud and clear in the traffic filled night. "I still beat you though, just like always."

Just like always? What the hell was this guy talking about. You had never met him before in your life. You had fought a lot of people in your line of work but you would have remember someone like him - someone that could put you on your ass in a matter of minutes.

A fear began to well in your chest about what was going to happen to you. A fear that maybe this man would bring you to the same demise as your brother. It had been a long time since you feared death.

"What do you want?" You repeated a final time. With a wince, you pushed yourself off the ground, eye level with the barrel of his gun. Obviously, he didn't trust you enough for you to be standing without a weapon pointed between your eyes. You just hoped that Tim and Bruce would show up fast enough before this guy could do anything to you.

"Your brother would be disappointed in you."

Your breath caught in your throat. How did he know about Jason? How did he know what had happened to him? And mostly importantly, how did he know that you could never bring yourself to kill the joker? This man knew who you were, your real identity - or maybe he was just bluffing.

You didn't give him a reaction, that had to have been what he was looking for. How he knew your brother - and you- and why he was interested in the relationship, left you more confused than anything. You wanted to know how this man was, and more importantly, you wanted to know what he wanted.

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know everything about you," he argued, his voice rising. "You couldn't avenge your brother, you let Batman replace him, what else have you done?"

"He never would have wanted me to cross that line, because he knew I would never be able to come back!" You matched his voice. Your fists clenched at your sides and you suddenly felt furious that this man standing in front of you pretended that he knew who you were and who Jason was.

"He would have wanted you to make sure that no one took the mantle of Robin again, he would have wanted you to make sure that no one would have to share the same death as him but what did you do? You welcomed the replacement right into your bed!" This man seemed to know more about your life than you would have ever thought.

Very few people knew your identity, Tim's, and Bruce's. You made sure that it was kept well under wraps so that cases like this would never have happened. No, this stranger was taunting you in the worst kinds of ways - your brother, and what he meant to you.

You always thought that you had done Jason's memory well - maybe not perfect but he wouldn't have been wanted to be remembered as the perfect son. He was brave, dauntless, he acted real and never caved into the posh society that the two of you were dragged into. Jason was human, and you made sure he was remembered that way.

Your jaw clenched and you swore that you face twitched in anger. Seeing red, you didn't notice that the man had picked up one of your previously thrown batarangs and threw it right into your shoulder. You cried out in pain and before you could retaliate, he was gone. You braced yourself for the pain and pulled out the metal just as Tim arrived on the rooftop with you.

"(Y/N)," Tim sighed in relief. He rushed over to you, pulling you into a tight hug. His hands cupped your face and without thinking, he kissed you. "I was so worried, you didn't answer and I heard the gunshot. I thought you were dead." You shook your head, still fazed by the interaction.

"He knew who I was," You voice trembled. You finally looked over at Tim. He saw the blood drip from your shoulder and pressed his hand into the wound to hopefully slow the bleeding. "He knew who Jason was. Tim, h-he... the things he said, he thought that I would have been a disappointment to him."

"You know that's bull," Tim promised you. You were too much of an emotional mess to even feel the pain coursing through your body. "Jason would be so proud of the person you've become. You've saved so many lives - he would be happy for you. We're going to find this guy, he'll get the justice he deserves."

"No," You shook your head. The anger that he had cast upon you only kept growing in your chest. No one, disrespected your brother's memory, ever. You were going to make sure of that. 

"I want him dead."

[jmiacolt]

😭👪🍩☀️🌹🎁🍼💓(beating heart lol) for lola & deanna 😎

BIG mwah naomi

LOLA 💋

what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

She actually doesn't cry very often and when she does, it's usually out of anger or frustration.

what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

She's the youngest, but also the only daughter, so there was a lot of pressure on her mother's end to better herself and marry good (enter Arnie 😏 we love a failed marriage hehe!) Her father didn't care as much— they had a better relationship because of it, but they still have their disagreements on how she should live her life. As for her brothers? She was only ever close with Joe. Henry was older (ten years, I think), so it was harder to find common ground, and Eugene (Edward? I'll be real I never remember what his name is lmfao it's not important) was too focused on his studies to pay much attention to her.

So... yeah. They're a family alright!

favourite sweet treat?

Peach cobbler, but it HAS to be her grandmother's recipe.

are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

She absolutely is not. It takes her a ton of effort to drag herself out of bed and as soon as she does, it's straight to the coffeepot to make herself a cup. No milk, no sugar, and downed quickly enough to get ready for work.

do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?

She's a romantic, so it's definitely one of her favorite holidays. She’ll go all out for it.

And confessions? Well... only one has mattered enough to make a difference 🤭

what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

Anything sentimental. Flowers, poetry, things like that. Like I said, she's a romantic!

She's amazing at gift giving herself and always knows exactly what to get somebody. It's like a seventh sense.

what are their thoughts on children?

She adores them and she knew she wanted to be a mother long before she even had her own, but it wasn't exactly a feasible idea given her strained relationship with her ex-husband!

what gets their heart racing?

Compliments, sweet gestures, the tapping of I love you in morse code on the back of her hand... oopsie.

DEANNA 🌵

what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

She’s not much of a crier either! It takes a LOT to get her to that point and even then, it’s just a few stray tears.

what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

Her parents are amicably divorced, but she didn’t see her mother a whole lot growing up— she was always travelling for her job as a nature photographer and was only ever around for holidays. Her father, on the other hand, was ex-military and raised her and her brothers on a ranch outside of San Antonio. She was close with him while he was still alive— he taught her everything he knew and he’s why she joined STARS to begin with.

She’s just as close with her brothers and they try to meet up at least once a year (outside of the holidays) just to spend time together.

favourite sweet treat?

Brownies! Especially two-bites with a dollop of buttercream frosting.

are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

She used to be, but after having kids, she finds she wants to stay in bed longer. Her routine is simple— she always showers first because it wakes her up and gives her a few minutes of alone time.

do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?

It’s not her favorite day of the year, but she still makes her husband and kids heart-shaped pancakes every year like a complete cheeseball.

Oliver absolutely beat her to the confession when it happened— which is fair because as confident as she is, being around him flustered her too much to do it herself.

what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

She prefers practical things! Anything that can be used in her day to day life. As for her own gift giving skills... she sucks at it. 

what are their thoughts on children?

She was never the maternal type— figured she’d never have any kids of her own, even if she miraculously managed to find somebody who wanted to marry her— but all it took was meeting the little boy she and Oliver eventually adopted to change her mind.

what gets their heart racing?

The way Oliver always reaches for her hand even when he’s busy with something else, how he kisses her neck in the most perfect spot every time, and... well... ahem. Not so sweet things! 😳

[tetsurobunni]

IDK You Yet

☞ songfic based off of the song IDK You Yet by Alexander 23 // 3.1k words

☼ slight angst, mentions of bullying, just wanting somebody to love (insert queen song here), tsukki being tsukki, akiteru being cute, freckles

☼ pairing : tsukishima kei x yamaguchi tadashi

☞ notes : sigh this song...yea // in this story, tsukki and yamaguchi weren’t childhood friends

this text = song lyrics

italics = flashbacks and inner thoughts

The sun cast a golden haze over the empty park in which Yamaguchi Tadashi sat. Gentle birdsong could be heard in the distance, a slight breeze swayed the branches of trees. A volleyball danced in between the boy's hands absentmindedly as he sat alone on a bench.

Today had been hard, just like any other day. The bullies he faced just seemed to never know when to stop; they continuously poked fun at him and made the poor boy feel like dirt. He had hoped that as he got older his tormentors would cease their attacks, but alas, his hopes never came true.

Yamaguchi had no one to call a friend. He tried to stay as translucent as possible as to not draw any attention to himself. It was the same routine for him every day; the only thing he found happiness in was volleyball.

You can see how that would be a problem, right? Loving a team sport when you have absolutely no friends? What a joke.

He sighed, stilling the movement of the ball between his hands. The sun was setting, the sky now a light pink and purple. 'I should start back home soon,' he thought, closing his eyes. Even though he knew the approaching darkness meant the temperature would drop and dinner would be ready soon, he didn't feel any urge to go home.

After all, there was no one there that understood him, or his pain for that matter.

He leaned his head back against the wooden bench, the lingering smell of cherry blossoms floating through the air.

'It would be so nice to have someone to enjoy this with,'

He couldn't help but imagine sitting in this park with the person he loved, sitting close as they watched the sun set.

How can you miss someone you've never met?

His lips curled upwards at the thought. Some would think that was cringeworthy, or too cookie-cutter; but that didn’t matter to him. Yamaguchi just needed someone to be there.

Because I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.

He had placed love on a pedestal for as long as he could remember. His mother and father’s relationship was nothing less than perfect-the love they had for each other practically radiated throughout any setting.

Seeing his two biggest role models share something so special like that made him want it too. No, not want. Need.

He needed the passion, the validation. He needed to be wanted by somebody. That’s all he could ever dream of. He didn’t care what gender, or if they were taller or shorter, bigger or smaller.

Yamaguchi just needed somebody to love him.

But can you find me soon because I’m in my head

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he was met with was the dark starry sky. He jumped, startled, and checked the time on his watch. ‘My parents are going to kill me!’ He thought, frantically gathering his things off of the bench.

He ran down the sidewalk, taking in heavy breaths as he passed by the homes on his street. Lights shone through curtains, shielding from prying eyes. The sidewalk was dimly lit with street lamps, the lone car passing by every so often.

Straightening out his jacket the best he could, Yamaguchi stepped into the door of his house. A lone light was on in the kitchen. He peered into the living room to find it empty, no noises to be heard. ‘They must have already went to bed,’ he thought, flicking the switch to turn off the light.

Yamaguchi padded up the stairs in sock feet, treading lightly as to not wake his parents. As he passed the door to their shared room, he noticed the door was slightly ajar. Peeking into the small crack, he could see the two cuddled up tightly in each others embrace as they slept. Sighing, he gently shut the door.

‘It would be amazing have someone to do that with’

Yea I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.

As he entered his room, he took a second to scan the blank walls of his room. Spaces where pictures of friends and teammates should be were instead replaced by the pale gray of wallpaper.

He sat down on his bed with a sigh, running his hands through his dark hair. It seemed as though loneliness was a routine for him by this point, just the same empty feeling day after day.

To say he was tired of it was an understatement.

But thats exactly what his tormentors said, right?

“You’re such a loner”

“No wonder no one likes you”

“You couldn’t even pay someone to be friends with you”

“You’ll always be alone.”

And lately its been hard

It seemed that no matter how hard Yamaguchi tried not to recall the words thrown at him, they still came crashing over him in waves, beating him down over and over until he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

They’re selling me for parts

“Please just stop, j-just-stop,” he whispered, voice strained as tears rolled down his cheeks. He dug his palms into his eyes to try and stop the waterfall of emotions, but like every time before, it didn’t work.

He didn’t want to go through this anymore. He really, really didn’t. He wished that he was strong; that he could stand up to those people and tell them that he wasn’t worthless.

And I don’t wanna be modern art

The only thing that kept him sane was the feeling in his heart that there was someone out there for him. There had to be. Someone that could mend his broken parts and dry his eyes when the world got too much. He hoped and wished and dreamed about finding his person

He just hoped that they were okay with being the other half of his wounded heart.

But I’ve only got half a heart, to give, to you.

He hoped that, for once, he would be enough for somebody.

~~~~~ Tsukki’s POV~~~~~

Tsukkishima walked down the bustling street, vendors selling various foods and treats filling the air with delightful smells. It wasn't really his scene, per se, but Akiteru had paid him to get some meat buns from his favorite store. There's no way he'd pass up money and free food.

As he rounded the corner, the familiar little shop his brother had sent him to numerous times came into view. He stepped inside, the warm air and lively chatter washing over him.

He swiveled his head side to side, noticing something strange. At almost every table sat a couple sharing a meal, girls giggling at their boyfriends as they shared conversation.

For the first time since he left the house he took notice of the bright pink and red hearts that decorated the walls and windows.

'Of course, it's Valentine's day. Disgusting.'

He rolled his eyes at his realization. Valentine's Day was just stupid. Why would anyone want to celebrate such an idiotic holiday? He managed to shove past a couple who was standing just a little too close for comfort mumbling a 'tch, you're in public' as he walked past.

Not looking back to see their reactions, he walked up to the counter and quickly ordered 4 meat buns- he knew his brother would want more than two and since it wasn't his money, he decided he'd get one for himself.

Tsukki didn't know if he was jinxed by the shop or what, but as soon as he walked outside all he saw were couples. Couples here, couples there, talking, laughing, hugging, kissing. He'd never admit it, but it made him feel just the tiniest bit lonely.

He had never been one for relationships and romantics- or even feelings at that. He had always despised Valentine's Day ever since he could remember. The girls in lower secondary school would give letters sealed with bright pink and red envelopes to the boys they liked. Tsukki himself had even received a few, but he always turned them down.

No one seemed to ever catch his eye, or grasp his attention. All the girls were plain, boring, and dull. Too energetic, too shy, talked too loud- the list could go on and on.

The door creaked open as he stepped into his house, and Akiteru yelled an 'in here!' from the living room. The latter was practically drooling at the plastic bag in Tsukki's hand, basically begging like a puppy for a treat.

"Here, you nuisance, I got three for you. The other one is mine, don't even think about eating it," he said, tossing the bag to Akiteru, who instantly started digging through it to get his food.

Tsukki sat down cross-legged on the opposite side of the table, opening the package on his meat bun. Suddenly Akiteru got a sly look on his face. "Oh, I forgot to mention that today was Valentines Day, sorry for sending you out in that."

Tsukki narrowed his eyes at his brother, knowing good and well that he didn't tell him on purpose. "Whatever, I'm keeping the change from our order as payment for sending me out in that mess."

Akiteru just laughed, shaking his head slightly. "C'mon Tsukki, do you really hate Valentine's Day that much?"

"Yes."

"Well, okay then," the elder grumbled, taking a bite out of his second meat bun. "But answer this, why do you hate it so much?"

Tsukki faltered for a moment. There were many reasons as to why he hated the holiday, such as the PDA, too much giggling, confessions, all of the god awful pink-

"Is it just because you never found someone you like?"

Tsukki's eyes widened. He had never thought about it. No- there was no way he was pissed because he had never met someone he had feelings for; and he for sure wasn't upset about it.

How can you miss someone you've never seen?

"Ah, hit the nail on the hammer, huh?" Akiteru said, his face showing signs of pity.

"Shutup, will you? I don't care about liking someone, or someone liking me, or being in a relationship, or-"

"Tsukki. You're rambling. You never ramble."

The blonde stopped in his tracks. Why was he rambling? He didn't care, so why did what his brother say have such an impact his mood? He let out a quiet 'tch', moving to get up from the table.

"Tsukki, wait."

The latter faltered from his place at the entrance of the door to his bedroom, waiting for his brother to speak.

"I don't like Valentine's Day all that much either. It makes me feel super lonely, and I get into this sad funk that I can't get out of. But, sometimes, I think about the person that'll love me someday. What they look like, what their personality is, all that; it helps a little. You should try it," Akiteru said, a soft smile on his face.

The blonde responded by opening his door, walking in, and shutting it behind him. Was his brother serious?! There was no way he'd entertain such silly ideas. He'd do what he always did: ignore everyone else and keep to himself. No thoughts, just his music.

After he changed into more comfortable clothes, he slipped his headphones on and laid on his bed, letting the sounds of his music flood into his ears. Without noticing, he started to think about all the couples he saw today at the market.

He remembered seeing a girl with blonde hair and brown eyes, much like himself.

'There's no way I'd be with someone who looked like me- wait, why am I even thinking about this-'

He scolded himself in his head, took his glasses off then proceeded to run a hand down his face. He continued listening to his music... that is until he started thinking again.

He tried everything, listening to god awful rock, cleaning his already clean room, he even tried working out in order to get his brother's words out of his head. No matter how hard he tried, his brother's smiling face saying those words seemed to pop up in his mind.

"Y'know what, fine. Fine! I'll do it!" He whisper-yelled, laying down on his bed yet again. Closing his eyes, he thought back again.

"I think about what they look like."

Okay fine, he could do that.

Tell me are your eyes brown, blue, or green?

Again, he couldn't imagine his...person...having the same light, amber eyes as him.

‘Blue? No, too bright...maybe brown? Hazel? Yea...hazel is nice...’

After he got past the eye color part, he came to a standstill. He didn't really care about hair as long as it wasn't blonde... but what else? Would they have a mole? Freckles? Would they wear glasses, like him?

Suddenly Tsukki brought a pillow to his face and hit himself with it. 'I can't believe I let something that my brother said affect me so much."

Nonetheless, he continued.

"I imagine what their personality is like"

This was tricky. 'They couldn't be too loud. Loud people get on my nerves. They couldn't be too quiet either, I can't stand when someone just looks at me and doesn't say anything.'

He thought a little bit harder. 'Maybe they'd like volleyball? That means Akiteru would love them. I wonder if they would like the same food as me...'

And do you like it with sugar and cream?

'Akiteru makes coffee sometimes, I wonder if they put a lot of stuff in it,' he shriveled up his face in disgust at the thought. He couldn't stand all that sugary stuff in his coffee, preferring the bitter taste instead.

Or do you take it straight, oh just like me?

'Okay, I'm done imagining things that won't happen. This was stupid anyways," he thought, sighing and turning over on his side. For some strange reason, he felt utterly exhausted. It's not like he did a lot of physical activity today, so why did he feel so...tired?

His brain decided to play the images of the couples again in his head, and he realized why he felt the way he did. This was the first time he had actually thought about having a "special someone."

The thought made him want to hit his head against the wall.

He never thought that imagining about the person he might be with one day would make him feel so lonely.

Cause lately it's been hard

For the first time, he noticed the utter and complete lack of important people in his life. Of course there was his brother, that was a given, but he had no one he had ever considered a friend. He never talked to one person for longer than he had to, and even ignored some.

He was completely shut off from the rest of the world...

And it was his own fault.

They're selling me for parts

'It's better this way. You know it is. No getting your hopes up, no disappointment, no keeping up an image. It's better this way. All you need is yourself, not anyone else.’

"But having someone there for me really wouldn't hurt... right?"

And I don't wanna be modern art,

His phone screen lit up with a notification. 'FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL' popped up on his screen, and the blonde groaned once he saw the time.

'Two in the morning? Great. I've wasted my sleep on nothing.’

But deep down, Tsukki knew it wasn't 'nothing'. He just made the pit of loneliness in his stomach larger and harder to ignore.

How could he even imagine the person he would love when he was so pathetic?

"You're so stupid Tsukishima Kei, so, so, so mind-numbingly STUPID!"

But I've only got half a heart, to give, to you.

~~~~~Both POV~~~~~~

Yamaguchi tugged the straps of his backpack tighter as he walked towards the staff room. Students shuffled in the halls, chatter and laughter filled the air. Of course, the green haired boy kept to himself. He had already dodged one of his bullies this morning, so he was on high alert.

As if the first day wasn't nerve racking enough, for some awful reason he decided he was going to join the volleyball club.

'This was such a stupid decision you should just turn around right now,' he thought to himself, slightly panicking as he saw the sign that said 'staff room' on the door in front of him.

He just stood there, staring, unmoving, at the door handle. His heart was racing in his chest, all the air seeming to exit his lungs.

"Oi, are you just gonna stand there?"

Yamaguchi jumped from the sudden voice that came from behind him. He jerked his head, meeting amber eyes behind black frames. He tripped on his words, becoming a blubbering mess, finally spitting out a 'Gomen!'

Tsukki raised a brow at the slightly shorter boy, wondering why he was just staring at the door.

"Tch, why were you just staring at the door like a weirdo?" Yamaguchi bowed his head in apology, contemplating whether to tell this complete stranger the truth, but he finally decided he would.

"Um, I was...uh...going to... to join the volleyball club," he stammered, not meeting the taller boy's eyes. He felt highly embarrassed for some reason, like him wanting to join was humorous. Honestly, he half expected the guy to laugh at him.

"Hm, I am too."

Tsukki moved past the green haired boy and opened the door, walking in a little ways before he realized the latter was still standing there.

"Oi, c'mon. Unless you're not actually going to join..."

Yamaguchi's ears perked up at that. He decided, that for once, he was going to do something he wanted.

"Gomen, I'm coming."

Even though it wasn't visible, Tsukki slightly smiled. He wasn't actually coming to the staff room to join the volleyball club, but when he heard that this boy was going to be joining, he decided that maybe he would.

The shorter boy suddenly turned around, hands flailing.

"Oh! I'm sorry for being rude, I'm Tadashi Yamaguchi!" he said, a bright smile presented onto his freckled face.

'Hm, freckles...'

"Tsukishima Kei."

And I hope it's enough.

[tuancore]

Lost You (Part 11) :

Starring- Jinyoung x reader

Genre- Angst

Summary- It's your choices and actions which made you miserable.

Standing outside your apartment's door, you examined the door briefly, every single line and curve, remembering the time when you both first moved to this apartment after coming to Seoul, everything flashing before your eyes, rethinking your each and every decision in life. When you first came to Seoul, you felt like an outcast but with Jinyoung by your side, you had that hope of everything going to be alright, can't believe that same Jinyoung became so unfamiliar to you. Twisting the doorknob, you stepped in, just like the first time you entered with him.

Your eyes were covered with a velvety blindfold, you felt like stumbling every now and then in your heels, not knowing where he was actually taking you. He took you by surprise by picking you up in his arms, your hand naturally flying behind his shoulders. He chuckled seeing that terrified expression on your face, "Easy, angel I'm not going to drop you".

"Jinyoung, I swear if you're taking me to some horror house, you know how horrible they are" But he didn't reply you but kept on chuckling, making your stomach churn with anticipation. A ding sound, perked your ears, it was an elevator. He stepped out of it walking for awhile and then stopping again, "Angel,I found the best place for us, exactly what we were looking for", stepping in he gently placed you on your feet, slipping your blindfold.

"Welcome to our home" He grinned, seeing your shocked reaction. You gasped seeing all the showpieces and furnitures, all were exactly the same what you used to always discuss with him. You faced him with tears of joy in your eyes, smiling adoringly at him, "Everything....is exactly the same...". He nodded, hugging you gently while you melted in his arms,"You're such a crybaby..." Wiping your tears he cupped your face with both of his hands,staring into your eyes, he said,"I promise you angel, as long as I am with you I won't let you shed a single drop of tear. And that I'll keep you forever happy and safe in my arms".

The truth is promises are meant to be broken. You always heard that but never believed it until today. All of his words were nothing but sugar coated sweet talks, none of his promise were meant to keep. Dragging your feet to the middle of the living room, you stared at the large couch, it was Jinyoung's decision to keep it there so that you both could cuddle and watch movies on Sundays in each other's arms.

What was that for if he couldn't trust you enough?

Your gaze shifted towards the wall in the front, which at this point looked like some stalker's wall. Jinyoung out of many of his hobbies he was very much passionate for photography as well, and his all time favourite muse was you. You remember, how he used to budge you night and day to pose for him, most of the time you obliged which made him always run after you with a camera. After some time you got irritated, of his constant clicking, so you strictly ordered him to not to click your pics.

"Okay Okay! I won't ask you anymore to pose for me" He rose his hands in surrender, seeing a huge pout on your face.

He loved clicking your pics but it got irritating for you, since you wanted to enjoy moments with him without phones and cameras while he wanted to capture all the moments to reminisce about. So he found another way to keep on clicking your pics rather asking you to pose for him, he took your candid shots, whenever you fell asleep, or when you watered the plants, or when you cooked, when you jammed to your favorite songs, when you read books, or whenever you did some work on your laptop. He just loved you and only you. The wall was wall less and your face in frames more.

What was that for if he couldn't love you enough?

Out of so many pictures one was your favourite, subconsciously you walked closer to the frame taking out from the wall, caressing the image ever so lightly. It was a photo which was a candid shot clicked by JB, when you all went to the Disneyland in LA while visiting Mark's parents there.

"Why are you grinning like that?" Mark asked seeing your stupid grin, but failed to noticed two cones of ice cream in your hands. So you extended your hands showing him the cones, "My favourite ice cream!".

"Two cones? Each with five scoops?" Jackson commented not believing your childishness, "Ten scoops, are you even a girl?". Glaring at him you muttered 'idiot',"Of course I'm a girl that's why I love ice cream".

"More than Jinyoung?" Youngjae asked, teasing you on purpose. "Obviously!", You tilted the heads of both the cones forming a triangle as they the topmost scoops touched eachother, others mouthing an 'Ugh'. Your sparkly eyes became crescent happily biting on the scoops at once, when all of a sudden Jinyoung appeared out of nowhere back hugging you, his mouth on top of your head making it look as if he was about to bite you. Thats when JB clicked it. It was such an adorable picture and your favourite as well.

Someone really has said the truth, that only pictures last forever. Gripping the huge photogframe harshly in your hands, you threw it with a sudden force making it land at the corner of the room with a loud shattering noise. Everything was already over, so what was the need to keep reminiscing over such petty things.

___________

"Youngjae-ah.....Why?....." Jinyoung whispered in disbelief holding onto Youngjae's shoulder, he couldn't believe that Youngjae whom he thought of his smaller brother would hurt him in the most cruel way possible.

"It's not only Youngjae hyung but your so called friend Jisoo too" BamBam hissed, at the thought of Jisoo. Jinyoung snapped at BamBam with shock, another hard punch in his gut, "What are you saying?....".

"Yes, Youngjae and Jisoo were the ones playing you, noona and Jackson hyung like a puppet without any of your knowledge and if you think I'm lying then why don't you ask Youngjae hyung yourself" BamBam concluded with a stern face. Jinyoung turned around facing Youngjae with a furious eyes.

"Why the fuck would you do this to us?! Why Youngjae!?! Why!!" Jinyoung snarled gritting his teeth, his hands wrapped around Youngjae's throat almost cutting his oxygen, Mark and Jackson pulled him from Youngjae while he coughed his lungs out, his own tears spilling out.

"Because I love her....I always have....It hurt everytime I saw her in your arms smiling and giggling, I—.....I felt that it could've been me instead of you whom she loved more than her life.....and to protect my heart from bleeding anymore. I seperated you both" Youngjae's explanation made everyone beyond shocked. They all never thought the reason behind it was another complication.

"The fuck did you say Youngjae!!" Jinyoung growled breaking from Jackson's and Mark's grasp, landing a harsh punch on Youngjae's face which made him fall on the couch behind him, Jinyoung hovered over him punching him a few more times.

"Stop It Jinyoung! Stop it!!" Jaebeom and Mark shouted trying to get him to stop but he was too mad to pay attention to those words, when Youngjae pushed Jinyoung from him throwing a punch at his face, with blood gushing out of his own nose.

"STOP IT! JINYOUNG, STOP IT! CHOI YOUNGJAE!".

Youngjae got up on his feet, wiping the blood spurting out of his nose from his hoodie's sleeves, his cheeks also scraped from Jinyoung's hard punches.

"Since when?" Jackson asked sternly, glaring at him. Youngjae smiled at the mere thought of you, continuing, "Since University, she was my senior. I fell in love with her over time, she was not only gorgeous but kind as well. She saved me from getting bullied almost for an year and after that everyone stopped bullying me, how could I just not fall for her? I planned to confess her but Jinyoung hyung beat me to it! And my heart shattered when she accepted his love, I was broken......".

"Bullshit! You never told me that you were getting bullied back then!Plus she never told me" Jinyoung asserted. "I was! But whenever I was with you all I saw was you drowning in stress to get your master's degree and your father's constant ranting, so I kept quiet!".

"She never told you because I asked her to promise me to not to let you know about me getting bullied otherwise you'll get another reason to stress over and I didn't want you to!"Youngjae informed with his fists clenched in rage, "When she finally became your girlfriend, I thought of moving on so I tried dating but hell not a single girl I've been with could compare to her, I tried hard to convince myself that she belonged to you, she loves you but no my heart wouldn't listen.....it continued to ache for her, how could I just throw away the love which I had for her for past five years!".

With that Youngjae began to untangle all the strings, how he saw Jisoo working for Jinyoung, and from the way she looked at his with those heart eyes was enough to tell that she was in love with him, so he proposed the idea to Jisoo while as accepted it without any second thoughts. All they were waiting was for a right time and a perfect plan, and they got that exact opportunity when he saw you and Jackson meeting frequently without Jinyoung in range.

Coming to those photographs, he didn't had to do much at all, he simply clicked the pictures of Jackson's bedroom with every minor details, and technology gave him the exact environment Jackson's room had, but the real problem was in finding a boy who had same physique as that of Jackson and vice versa for the girl, so that your faces could be photoshoped accordingly, but that stupid girl forgot to hide her streaked hair.

"If you loved noona so much then why did you slut shame her like this?" Yugyeom snapped. "Jinyoung hyung was always insecure of the boys around her, so I kicked him on his weak spot. I couldn't believe when he believed in those fake photographs more than his own girl, I guess he really didn't deserve her".

"Youngjae......it's not love, it's obsession. Love is when you let the person you love just be happy, you completely shattered her! Jisoo and you both hurt the persons you loved! If you really loved her your heart would've ripped out everytime she suffered! It's not love Youngjae-ah, it's your obsession,it can't be love, it's not love........it's not......." JB croaked out choking on his own tears.

"After what you've done to her, Do you think she'll ever come to you? Do you?" Mark belted angrily. "She won't come to me but atleast she won't go to him either" Youngjae hollered with a sick grin, "And that's enough for me. If she can't be mine then she won't be his either".

"Youngjae fucking get out before we really do something to you which we'll regret for eternity!" JB yelled, motioning towards the door, shooting a last smirking gaze towards Jinyoung, he left without a protest.

Jinyoung dropped to his knees, feeling all the pain you felt through these days, all the tears you've shed for the pain he has given you. Small painful whimpers escaping his lips, everyone watched him crying.

"As much as I want to sympathise with you.....I can't, it's you who have brought this upon yourself" JB commented with a poker face eventhough his heart ached for Jinyoung. JB's remark send him further into the pit of guilt and remorse.

"Please..... forgive me......please....." Jinyoung stammered out sobbing hard, "I'm sorry.....I'm so so sorry", he just kept on pleading to the others, even when they were hurting seeing him before their eyes they were well aware that sooner or later this day will come, and Jinyoung will regret his each and every deed.

"You are sorry? You should be sorry. After whatever you've done to her, Do you think you deserve forgiveness?" Jackson crouched down beside him, his words hitting Jinyoung's heart like a dagger.

"Jackson.....I'm sorry......please forgive me. I was so wrong" He cried hugging Jackson, even if he wanted to hate Jinyoung, he couldn't Jinyoung was not only his friend but more of a brother. Unable to control his tears, Jackson sobbed hugging Jinyoung tightly letting him cry on his shoulder.

"Jinyoung hyung.....at some point we all can forgive you but the question is, Will Noona forgive you?" Yugyeom countered in a mere whisper. Jinyoung clutched onto Jackson's shirt, mumbling a quiet "No....".

"How am I supposed to apologise to her?" Jinyoung stared at Jackson for some assurance but found none, "I....I called my angel.....a slut.....how can I? I am such a monster, I even slapped her......when all she did was telling me the truth.....I hurt her, My angel begged me on her knees still I accused her of something so horrible. How can I be so heartless?....... Jackson, I—I made her feel so inferior......" Jinyoung gulped the knot forming in his throat as realisation hit him, facing BamBam he stammered, "BamBam....you said she is pregnant..... I—I despised my own child....our child.....How monstrous was I to hurt her this bad!!......".

By now everyone's eyes gleamed with tears, it was surely painful for him, but it wasn't anything compared to yours. Jinyoung has completely robbed you of your happiness, your everything, he tossed you away like you never meant anything to him while you continued to prove your innocence stepping on your self respect, self esteem. To be honest, he didn't deserve any forgiveness at all.

"Even if everything was set up by Youngjae and Jisoo, the way the things have degraded to, wouldn't have if you.....you" BamBam pointed out his finger at Jinyoung, "If you had faith on Noona, even a tiny bit, none of this would be happening right now. Instead of you crying here and she there, you both would be laughing and smiling in each other's arms........Loving eachother, accept it or not but you never trusted her enough. The way she was hurt, when you chose Jisoo over her......Gosh I can never forget the look in her eyes, She looked dead......so dead!".

Yugyeom patted BamBam's back with an attempt to calm him down, Yugyeom continued, "You can only pray for noona to forgive you. Everything is in her hands now".

The intense air subsided around everyone as BamBam's phone rang, answering the call immediately, he whispered, "Hello...".

The words from the other end broke BamBam to his soul, the phone slipped through his hands as he stared at Jinyoung completely emotionless.

"Noona had.....she had.....a miscarriage".

Part 10 // Part 11 // Part 12

Note: I'm not editing the drafts before posting them, so if you guys spot any errors, please let it slide, thank you so much ~~~

_______________________________________

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[knylinphd]

dad!sanemi x mom!reader | strongest pillars

sanemi shinazugawa x reader

female reader

(Y/N) brings (S/N) to the estate, and the hunters can see how much this boy changes Sanemi's attitude.

warning : tiny spoiler abt sanemi’s childhood but it’s like 3 words in a random sentence

(S/N) is son's name

         ''100 more ! Come on !'' Sanemi shouted at his trainees : Tanjiro, Inosuke, Zenitsu and even his brother Genya -that didn't mean he wasn't harsh with him as well. All the boys were busy doing push-ups when they heard a kid's voice. ''Daddy !'' They heard, making them turn their head at the voice's direction. And they couldn't believe what they saw : a tiny boy, running towards Sanemi with his arms wide open. Once he saw him, the wind pillar smiled immediately -and not his psycho smile, a genuine one- and his features softened. He picked up the boy, hugging him. ''Hi my baby !'' he said, kissing the top of his head. A woman walked closer, and that made the boys stop their push-ups.

         ''Hi Genya.'' She said. ''Hi.'' He replied, swiping away some sweat he had on his forehead. ''You didn't take him on a mission, right ?'' Sanemi asked the woman. ''... Do you think I'm dumb ? I picked him up at my parents' on my way back here.'' She replied, before walking away. ''Your... your brother has a child ?'' Tanjiro asked. ''And a wife ?!'' Zenitsu added. Genya nodded. ''They're not married. They just ended up 'dating' a few years ago and now (S/N) is 5. They're still dating but apparently nowadays they're giving each other the cold shoulder.'' He explained.

         Noticing that his trainees were taking some break, Sanemi put his son back on the ground and turned to look at them, his usual face back on. ''Did I tell you to stop ?!'' He shouted, making them start to do push-ups once again. However, Genya was right ; Sanemi and (Y/N) were both hot-headed with an enormous ego -that was maybe what made them fall for each other in the first place- and they had been mad at each other for a few days now. He didn't know what happened ; Sanemi didn't tell him, and neither did (Y/N).

However, Oyakata-sama arrived, announcing a meeting. Thus, all the pillars followed him, while their trainees stepped behind. All the pillars kneeled down, and then sat. (S/N) sat on his dad's lap, while his mom was at the other side of the room. The little boy giggled, making Sanemi smile and put his finger in front of his own mouth, his son mirroring his action and remaining quiet after that. Everyone listened to Oyakata-sama's speech, until he called someone's name. ''(Y/N) ?'' He asked. ''Could you come here, please ?'' Thus, she did.

         Instantly, she bowed, her nose almost touching the ground as she felt those two kids accompanying Oyakata-sama glaring at her. She had fucked up on a mission. Bad. ''You know what you did so I won't say much about it, (Y/N). But just know that another mistake like this could change your status as a pillar. It was an extremely weak move.'' The man said, making the said pillar enraged. She could kill him -but of course she wouldn't.

         (S/N) looked at his dad, but Sanemi didn't notice ; he was focused on his baby's mommy position. ''You can stand up.'' Oyakata-sama ended up saying, (Y/N) doing it immediately. She then leant against the wall, not even looking at the man. ''I heard that your son was there, what is his name ?'' He asked. ''(S/N).'', ''Did Sanemi or you chose the name ?'', ''I did.'' Her tone was harsh, bitter, but Oyakata-sama was wise enough not to pay attention to it. ''(S/N) ? Would you mind coming here ?'' He asked. The said boy looked at his dad, and Sanemi nodded, smiling at him.

       (S/N) walked to the man, and stayed still. ''Who do you look like the most, (S/N) ?'' He asked. ''Uhhhh... I have dad's hair color and hairstyle, and my eyes are looking more like his than mom's.'' He said. ''His eyes’ color is still brighter than mine, he has some (e/c) reflections.'' Sanemi explained, still sat. ''Oh, okay.'' Oyakata-sama replied. ''Well (S/N), it was a pleasure to meet you ! We never were in this place at the same time, before.'' That said, Oyakata-sama said he was going back home, and ended the meeting. Immediately, Sanemi walked to (Y/N).

He told Genya to take (S/N) with him and show him outside, so he did, Tanjiro, Zenitsu and Inosuke following behind. When the couple was finally back outside, (S/N) jumped to his parents. ‘’We’re almost going to eat. We asked for some soba for you.’’ Sanemi said. ‘’Yeaaaaaah !’’ His kid replied, making both him and (Y/N) laugh. After that, (Y/N) told him she wanted to show him something, so (S/N) followed her, waving at his dad before walking away.

‘’Did you talk with (Y/N) ?’’ Genya asked, as they were all waiting for the continuation of their training. ‘’Yeah. I think we’re better now. I don’t know. But she said she would sleep with me tonight since (S/N) is here and wants to sleep with us.’’ Genya smiled. ‘’He’s happy to be here with the both of you, he said.’’ Tanjiro said, getting into the conversation. And actually, Sanemi didn’t tell him it was none of his business. ‘’Nice, then.’’ was what he actually replied. ‘’Now we’re getting back to the push-ups.’’ The silver-haired man said, much to his trainees’ dismay.

At dinner time, the little boy sat in-between his parents, his lovely uncle Genya sitting in front of him to have something looking like a family dinner. The other trainees went to eat close to Uzui and Giyuu, wanting to leave the family alone. ‘’If dad has 27 scars, how many does mom have ?’’ (S/N) asked. ‘’I only have one and that’s from when I gave birth to you.’’ The woman herself replied, making Sanemi laugh at the tone she used. The little boy gasped.

‘’So I’m stronger than demons ! Demons can’t give you scars but I gave you one !’’ He said, making his parents snort. ‘’But don’t you like dad with his scars ?’’ (Y/N) asked, a mocking tone in her voice. ‘’Not as much as you.’’ (S/N) replied, using the exact same tone -he clearly was her child. That made her laugh, Sanemi smiling at the thought ; she really did love him even with his scars. He was happy they were finally talking again after 2 whole weeks of silence. Their egos would kill them one day.

When it was finally time to sleep, (Y/N) actually fell asleep immediately. She was back from a mission just before picking up her son to take him to the estate, and she hadn’t slept since the previous day, before actually going to the said mission. It made (S/N) chuckle to see her sleeping this early ‘like a grandma’ -his words.

‘’I saw you kissing mom before she slept.’’ The boy said. ‘’So what ? You’re jealous ?’’ Sanemi asked with a playful tone. It succeeded in making his kid laugh. ‘’Noooo ! But uncle Genya said you weren’t talking to each other cause you had a fight.’’ Sanemi rolled his eyes. ‘’Uncle Genya should remain quiet.’’

‘’I disagree with the man from earlier. With the purple on his face.’’ The boy continued. ‘’Why ?’’ His dad asked, curiously. ‘’He said mom was weak, but she’s not.’’ He said. ‘’Well, she can’t beat me !’’ Sanemi said. But it was only to make his son laugh -which succeeded, once again. He was happy his son was always smiling and laughing.

‘’I think you’re both the strongest pillars.’’ (S/N) spoke up. ‘’Why ?’’ Sanemi asked, going under the sheet, his son mirroring his action -as he was just sat on the bed. ‘’Because the other pillars only kill demons. Mommy and you, you kill demons and you also take care of me.’’ He said, making Sanemi widen his eyes. ‘’Do you think we take good care of you ?’’ He asked. Indeed, he couldn’t remember much how a family was supposed to be, so he hoped he was succeeding at having one.

‘’Yes ! Cause you’re both super strong and super busy, but you see me very very often and you always seem to be okay ! Grandma says you keep fighting and sometimes I see you and you have more scars, but you don’t seem hurt. Mommy neither. She fell asleep fast but she doesn’t look hurt.’’ The little boy said, smiling as if he was proud of himself.

Sanemi blew the candles that were remaining, and hugged his son. ‘’After hearing that, I believe we did raise you so well.’’ (S/N) giggled. ‘’Know that mommy and I love you.’’ Sanemi added, before kissing his son’s temple. But the young kid had already fallen asleep, right after his giggle.

[mischievouspoltergeist]

When my mother got sick last year, someone asked me why I had such an issue with taking care of her (as I'd expressed I really didn't feel like I 'had' to or owed her that much as she had never taken care of us ever, let alone when we were sick, but that I intended to try anyway) since I called her my best friend (supposedly, at some point, I believe I probably did, it was something she made me say at family gatherings a lot).

It's taken almost a year and a whole lot of shit for me to answer that question: I was stuck in an abusive relationship with my mother and the only way to survive was to make myself believe we really were friends. Because if I let myself realise she really didn't care about me, I could never have sorted in my head why I did everything she wanted, why I went along with so much and why I stuck around.

In many ways, the pattern of abuse was identical to my relationship with a man who had narcissistic personality disorder (diagnosed, aware of it and chose not to engage in help). Except, I left him after four months, but for at least three of those I was kept on a string of believing I was the problem whilst he screamed in my face, bullied me and physically abused me.

My relationship with my mother lasted 23 years. For many of those years I was still a child. I was so easy to indoctrinate with ideas and beliefs that I was the root of all the problems in her world. I went with it. I've spent years feeling like I ruined my mother's life because that's what she told me. I've spent YEARS trying to make up for what I did by being born because that's what she told me to do.

It's led to me growing up to become a vulnerable adult. When I think someone loves me, I think their opinion about me must just be right. Because surely someone who loves you wouldn't tell you were a fat whore unless it was true, right?

It was so easy to dodge questions like 'why do you put up with her if she literally is so rude to you all the time?' with a 'idk. She's my best friend' because don't best friends speak every day? Don't best friends do things together constantly? Don't best friends scream at their best friend when they haven't spoken to them in 5 hours? Don't best friends kick and shout and scream when you say you're busy and can't do anything that day?

My friends witnessed many incidents with my mum and would ask, incredously, why the fuck I hang around her when she spoke to me that way, and it would just be a shrug. It was easier to go along with it than fight it. Fighting back meant being screamed at and frightening displays of controlling behaviour. It was as simple as if I hung around my mum daily, the abuse was at around 30-70% severity dependent on her mood. If I ignored her for a few days, then the abuse was at 80-100% severe. Imagine going to spend the day with someone who is going to yell at you every time you speak, put you down at every chance, find an insecurity and dig and dig and dig. So you avoid that by letting her abuse you just a bit less daily.

I was dependant on my mum for much of life's little things and she made sure of that. It's been hard and relying on my friends to help me is difficult and scary because I'm so used to it coming with a cupful of abuse. I'm always on edge, waiting for it to blow up in my face.

I also just don't know where to draw lines thanks to my mums abuse. How much abuse is too much? My chart is way off. I will keep trying cos god, the size of the cup of abuse my mum fed me daily was absolutely huge compared to the abuse I've ever had from others. Someone could say one nice thing about me and abuse me the rest of the day and that would still be less abuse than my mother dealt me.

I made so many excuses for her. She admitted fully she never wanted me from the start - my dad wanted me but when I was born, he changed his mind and got a job so she had to put her life on hold and so I ruined everything. I was a problem from the start because I was female, and that meant I was going to be abused in her eyes, so she detached herself (was she ever attached?) rather than even attempt to protect me. I excused her for that. I first shouldered the blame for why she hated me when I was 6/7 years old and she told me about her own past. The grand irony is that had she been watching, had she cared to pay attention, I would likely not have been abused. The grandest irony of all was that my biggest abuser was her.

I still catch myself excusing her. 'Oh I always went silent after she screamed at me for daring to ask her not to be nasty towards me. Maybe I could have spoken up more.' even though I know logically that only made things worse. I remember once asking her if I could remove the furniture from my bedroom when she was away (so I could store it in her room) so that I could remove the black mould growing all up my windows, my walls and (as I later discovered), all up the sides of my actual bed and mattress. I was so ill all of the time and my breathing was a mess. I could smell it all the time, it was so overwhelming and although I cleaned what I could, due to my bedroom being a closet, I couldn't get behind anything without removing everything. She said no. No reason, no explanation, just no. Like most things that benefitted me. I was incredibly frustrated and begged that I could barely breathe for mould, she screamed at me that I deserved it and it was my fault. Black mould had been a persistent problem in that room long before I moved into it, as she had lived there before and seen it. I finally raised my voice and told her I wasn't going to accept this blatant disregard for my health and I was going to do it next time she was away anyway. I was paying rent at that point but it did not stop her getting up and getting in my face and telling me to get the fuck out her house. The third or so time she had kicked me out. There was no reasoning with her. She liked it when I suffered.

She is a narcissist through and through and I have been suffocated by narcissistic abuse for 23 years. Even now, she attempts to abuse me via my brother and father and even the government. She has lost her victim - the last person willing to take her shit. Most her family and friends are not willing to help her for more than five minutes as she treats them unkindly when she realises they will take it and stick around. I've watched her do it, and it just gets worse and worse for those people like it did for me. But they leave, because it has not been 23 years for them.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I'm just... Through. My dad accepted my ultimatum and chose me. It's a weird feeling and a promise I hope he can keep. I know she asks him for information and I have told him to stop giving it to her repeatedly.

To those who think a mother deserves for their child to revere them permanently just because they birthed them... You're wrong. It is our actions and choices that shape our relationship and at every choice, my mother chose to act in her own interests with no care for anyone else. This is a woman who let a man beat her children whilst bragging to them he'd never hit her cos he knew she'd leave. I gave both my parents chances to mend our relationships and believe me, my dad was an appalling parent growing up. He was atrocious. But he decided he wanted to mend that relationship and he wanted to be a dad. Yes, it's sad he didn't realise it sooner but I'm happy for the relationship I have with him now, even if it's not perfect and he really doesn't know how to dad sometimes. My mum? My mum will still tell you it's my fault she finished her degree a year later than she wanted because I was born and I ruined everything 23 years ago. I dared to be born female and put that stress on her. She holds it over my head like it is my responsibility to fix. It has broken me. I've spent 23 years trying to make up to her the faults of my being born and nothing will ever, EVER be good enough to do that. I have given all I have to give. I literally have nothing left to give.

[bandomgay]

My brain to yours pt.1 b.u

Tw: blood,gore,self harm,violence,hallucinations,slight mention of an ed

Au: hey babes this is gonna be my 5th time trying to post this and i want death so bad...however if there is any confusing things or typos or things seem to quickly paced im sorry thats just my brain babey! Enjoy...i guess

Word count: 1,894

It all started when he was about 6 years old, he never spoke ever,not that he couldn't he just wouldn't, his parents were worried about his development,however nothing was ‘wrong', he had a quite developed thinking process for a child, but it wasn't a good one for his age nor was it a normal one,no child should be so terrified of talking to people and being thought lesser of as his voice shook violently while trying to say the easiest of sentences.

he understood people to early into his young life ,he got the memo that everything was too stupid and too hard to understand so he gave up . his mother took him back and forth to hospitals and child psychologists ,his mother scared for what was to come of him could this weirdness she didn't even have a name or diagnosis for develop into something more as he grew? She thought, would he be normal? Would he be like the other children who laughed and giggled at the littlest of things? Would he be happy like them? She had decided to push her concerns into the back of head deciding that maybe he was just awkward it's okay to not fit in hes a fucking 6 year old boy maybe it's not that deep.

he was now in the 3rd grade now and teachers became more and more loud and responsive with their problems, he thought maybe whatever bad stuff they had going on at home they just needed to vent threw aggressiveness and shaking hands and restless mornings,but however it was their screams he didn't care for, he looked them in the eye wondering what he had done wrong, however he didn't care enough to continually think about it, but he realized slowly that couldn't feel anything like the red faced teacher did, he’d envy the poor mannered teachers feelings if he could, just how they could get so angry and fed up with kids who were disgusting and vile and how he never felt that…... he never felt anything at all .Now he was in the 5th grade he had to repeat the 4th grade due to staggeringly low grades and his failed attempts at homework he never seemed to have remembered. Things were getting hard to remember, so hard to remember what the teacher had said in the classroom that seemed to fade away after he was picked up by his mom and the sheer silence of the drive home and his mothers sneaking looks into the mirror with furrowed eyebrows at her son who never told her how his day went.

In school it was just so easy just to drift off in the land of dark swirls and dark worlds filled with make believe that he couldn't separate from the real world that never seemed to go away and darkness he felt comfort in his head till he heard nothing but the disgusting laugh of a teacher who had looked as if she wanted to deck him in the face ( he imagined about 3 different scenarios of how that actually could have occured, he held back a giggle and a sly smirk) as she snapped her wrinkled hands in his face “earth to brendon” he heard the aged feminine voice laced with anger repeat twice but he had failed to tune into the first reminder he was too dissociated to notice, he came too but didn't understand her reasonings of not just leaving him alone and let him rot and break free and he soon heard the fits of laughter coming from children he knew he was too weak to stop.

he wanted to do terrible things to everyone in that very room including himself, a dark desire he couldn't contain from his mind but he never followed through with these type of thoughts. he could never seemed control them he thought of them like messages being sent from an unknown source in the back of his head that had an invisible connection to someone he could see but nobody else could he dared himself if he could just pull at the cord in his head he wouldn't have those those thoughts, the figure never showed up in the same form it could be the shadows of dirty rain water coming from outside showing like a projection on the dingy beat up wall rising above him to claim a mental dominance , or the rotten stain of mold on the bathroom floor that now seemed to have a charming glow yet secretive smile or the bag of dirty clothes that sat high up on its rounded edges now smiled at him and watched him threw the night .

now it was the 7th grade and things had went to shit,it was already shit but it had gotten no better, fits of depression had left him wanting to call a hitman on himself and letting himself be cut open so all the organs in his body to be shot out of him or rip his jaw and everything behind it out of his body but he was too fatigued to think about it anymore his brain seemed to have stopped working back in the 6th grade, he could never think clearly a heavy fog on his brain he could never do much for himself he found the most simple of things he couldn't do, he couldn't pay attention, he felt dizzy at random times becoming feverish and not thinking about why because he couldn't think he thought process lessen and lessened with every passing day until all there were was thoughts of gore and death,sadness and the never ending thought of killing anyone or anything that had managed to make him want death even more.

he just continued to fade in and out of reality staring into the wall for to long or unknowingly staring at the couple of people who he thought was calling him pathetic and worthless with the contradictory voice telling him he's so much better than the disgusting people he saw and that they didn't deserve to smile they don't deserve happiness even though they’d never even spoken a word to him, they were never mean to him. he started pinching,stabbing,pulling at his hair,clawing at himself hard trying to see if he could care that he'd just hurt himself he continued to hurt himself hoping somewhere in the back of his mind he start to feel things, to show him he's real everyone sees him, but his inner self knew what he was doing he wasn't just trying to see if he was a real person he was punishing himself because he couldn't do what the rest of the real kids could do he couldnt plop himeself in a hard metal chair and take a test without thinking about what a disgusting person he was, without hearing them say he wasn't shit that his brain is mush that he couldn't understand the easy directions how he could get so angry and mad without hesitation how he could imagine killing his parents im cold blood… he stomped on his own foot,why is he thinking about this why is he thinking about this why, they creeped back up on him showing him images of his brother and sisters dead and gutted his parents choking on blood and vomit pale and dying, he hated himself for thinking these things,but if it was possible for him to be completely honest with himself he didn't care if they had died or not he just didn't have the ability to care.

He couldn't look people in the face without seeing these images of grewling faces pushed together in piles of pink and red flesh crawling into each others organs which looked rotten and distorted, why was he seeing this things these disgusting things these things… he wouldn't admit to himself that everytime he looked in the mirror he tried not to vomit he tried to hard, he bashed in the mirror bloodlying his hand, his hiss echoing in the empty bathroom he couldn't go to the nurse he couldn't look her in the eye and see her like that, besides he was on the first floor and he was too weak to go all the way to the fourth floor he knew he would pass out, he felt something pooling in his stomach it was anxiety he felt the cramping in his stomach and the salivating in his dry mouth, he vomited into the sink, he hasn't eaten anything in about 3 weeks so the pain of dry heaving for almost half in hour into the sink made him dizzy and ultimately pass out. he had now awoken to bright lights that made him nauseous and whimper, he was in the hospital again. he tried so hard not look the nurses and doctors in the eye and seeing horrific images in his mind of them dead, rotten maggot filled and bloody be he regained his ability to see the normally after a while.

“Brendon honey…” his mommy's voice was there “mommy...hi mommy” he said in a broken whisper. She had realized he never calls her mommy unless something's wrong he wasn't aware that he was, he turned to the right finding an iv carefully placed into in scarily pale arm “honey...they found you in the bathroom your hand was cut up...you where passed out what...t?” she silenced herself for a moment seconds later starting up again. “They found you in the bathroom..the mirror was broken and your hand was cut pretty deep and passed out” he mouth trembled a bit, she moved his sweaty bangs out of his forehead, he felt wetness on his skin his own uniform shirt clinging to his skin he was sweating.

He didn't feel real he didn't respond properly to what she had said he only looked away.. And said “dizzy….everything hurts…” he was so surprised he felt something but if feeling was like this he didn't want it. “I d..don't wanna feel like this..can you make it stop mommy please?!” Nani was absolutely terrified she'd never been so scared for her little boy, “its gonna be okay,sweetie...i swear..to god i swear…” in this moment if she was honest she didn't believe there was a god, no god would do this to her son, she turned around after hearing the door and hard footsteps.

“Hello ms. Urie im dr. Yakima, i will be assisting and diagnosing your son” she nodded softly wanting her son to be okay. “Hey son,open your eyes for me,i'm here to help” brendon heard a much more distorted version of what the doctor had said than nani did, but then again he was fading in and out. He handed her pills and said firmly “these are anti-nausea and pain killers i'm gonna give these to him and he will feel much much better i promise..” He was right it with his cocked up eyebrow and charming smile that sparkled with calmness and reassurance that worked its way into nani. the medication  worked but not instantly. “Sit up honey..” She said softly, he followed what she said slowly with a wrecked groan and intense muscle pain however there was no rush.