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#'you fixed our clothes! it's only fair we fix yours too!' 'sun that's not what this was and we both know it'
lavenoon · 1 year
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@naffeclipse Personally, I think the shirt is salvageable, y'know?
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atlabeth · 3 years
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everything happens for a reason part one - zuko x fem!reader
I am not your concern 
masterlist | part 2 
summary: as a servant in the fire nation, you’ve learned that life is often unfair. but as you venture through a tumultuous relationship with a certain prince, you come to learn a very tricky lesson: everything happens for a reason.
a/n: im so excited about this guys you dont even know. i have so much planned and i hope you all love it as much as i do - just for reference, in this first chapter y/n is 9 and zuko is 10
wc: 2.3k
warning(s): mentions of a raid, reader and zuko both being little shits lmao
chapter title comes from not your concern by the hush sound! 
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Y/N sprawled out on the grass and sighed contentedly as the sun shined down on her and her mother. Today was easier than most as they had been given the day off, an occasion that was rare in the royal palace. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh scent aerating their surroundings. Her senses were blessed with a mix of sea salt and fire lilies, an ever present reminder of the two worlds she walked in.
“Y/N,” her mother chided as she glanced down at her daughter from her sewing. “You shouldn’t lay in the grass like that. You know how hard those stains are to get out; I don’t need even more work on my plate.”
“Yes, mother,” she sighed as she sat up with mock exasperation. “I just feel like I should take advantage of this! We spend all day inside, and now that we’re out here you’re worried about things like stained clothes.” Y/N pushed herself to her feet and spread her arms out as she spun in a small circle. “Life is short, and I already spend all of it sewing and healing. Don’t you think I deserve some grass stains?”
“Did you find your way into the poetry books again?” she joked. “Of course I think you should have fun, but you know how things are here. I’m just trying to keep you safe.”
She continued to twirl, the soft breeze a welcome sensation on her skin. “I know, I know, but you don’t need to worry! I can—”
“Dear, watch where you’re going!”
Her mother’s warning didn’t reach her in time, a fact that became known to Y/N as she collided into the boy in front of her. A small gasp escaped her as recognition filled her now wide eyes.
“Prince Zuko!” she exclaimed, nervous hands finding their positions as she bowed. “Please forgive me for the accident, I didn’t realize you were there.”
Y/N had never spoken to the young prince directly — she mainly shadowed her mother while she did her work around the palace or honed her healing abilities under the watchful eye of Rika, their most skilled healer — but she knew enough to understand that she was to never disrespect the royal family in any way.
“Don’t worry,” he said with a small smile, alleviating the tension that had built up in her shoulders. “I’m sorry too, I wasn’t paying attention either. I actually came here for some help.” As she straightened her back, she noticed the bundle of fabric he was holding. “Are you Kura?”
“Oh, no. That’s my mother.” She pointed behind her where her mother greeted the prince with a respectful nod and smile of her own. “Did you come to get something fixed? She’s the best seamstress in all of the Four Nations.”
“My daughter flatters me,” Kura chucked. “What is it that you require, Prince Zuko?”
“She’s right, actually.” He held up the bundle of cloth which Y/N now recognized as one of the many outfits he owned. She didn’t consider herself a jealous person, but the prince’s extensive wardrobe was an exception to that rule. She had one set uniform for her work supplied by the Fire Nation, and a threadbare set for everything else that her mother had bought for her after saving up what little copper they had to spare. Y/N didn’t mind it too much as she was able to practice her sewing whenever the seams broke, but she was sure that her handiwork made up more of the outfit than the original by now.
“I tore one of the sleeves while I was training with Azula,” Zuko expressed with a frown. “I showed it to my mother, and she said that Kura would be able to fix it. I had to go through every single servant to find you, so I really hope you can. ”
Kura set her current project down and took the cloth from the prince, examining it with the skillful eye of a seamstress before meeting his eyes with another smile. “Of course, dear. I should have it ready for you by tomorrow; my daughter will deliver it to your quarters around midday.”
“Do it well,” he demanded. “I can’t focus on my training if my clothes are falling apart.”
“Hey!” she spoke up, scowling as she crossed her arms. It was like every shred of sense Y/N had disappeared the moment he talked down to her mother. “This is our day off, so you should be thankful that my mother is taking time out of her day to do this for you. Be nicer to her.”
“Y/N!” her mother scolded, her tone frantically apologetic as she turned back to the prince. “Please, forgive my daughter. She speaks her mind far too often, she doesn’t mean any disrespect.”
“No, you’re right.” A thoughtful expression found its way onto the young boy’s features, his eyes trained on her own displeasure. “My father always talks that way to the servants and I guess it came off on me. I’m sorry. It’s not nice.”
“Apology accepted,” Y/N said reluctantly.
“Thank you for your help. I’ll make sure to tell all my friends about your work.” The young prince smiled and walked off, though not without a curious second glance at the girl who righted his wrong.
As soon as the prince was out of range, Kura began to berate her daughter. “Y/N, by now you have to understand that under no circumstances may you ever speak to a member of the royal family like that! Do you know what kind of punishment you could’ve gotten if anyone else was around to hear that?”
She sighed and settled back on the ground, plucking a blade of grass from the ground. “I know, mother, but he needs to learn manners, prince or not!”
“That’s not how it works here. Our job is to serve the royal family without question. Sometimes they say mean things, but we can’t do anything about it. Apologies are not yours to demand or accept.”
“That’s not fair,” she mumbled as she wrapped the strand of grass around her finger. “Back home I could say whatever I wanted.”
“I know, honey, I know. But we’re not at home anymore, so the rules there don’t apply. We have to follow the rules that are put in place here. Can you promise that you’ll do that for me?”
“Yes, mother.” It was a phrase that seemed to always be at the tip of her tongue now that constant apologies were littered throughout her days, usually accompanied by a sigh.
“I miss home,” The murmured sentiment was almost too soft for Kura to hear and her heart sank. Her daughter’s gaze was trained on the ground, idle fingers tapping against her legs, and she put a momentary pause to her sewing with a sigh.
“Dear, don’t you have a healing session today with Rika?”
“You know I don’t,” she grumbled. “It’s my day off, which no one seems to remember.”
“Y/N.” Kura’s voice was more firm and she now understood that it wasn’t so much a suggestion as a demand. “I think you should pay Rika a visit.”
She heaved an exasperated sigh and stood up in a far more exaggerated gesture than necessary. “Alright. I’ll see you later tonight, mother.” And as Y/N began her walk back to the palace, a sour feeling brewed in her chest.
Kura watched on, unable to prevent the fear that permeated her thoughts. They were fortunate that the young prince was generous, but along with his mother they might’ve been the only two who shared those views in the royal family. She hated having to constantly admonish her daughter — the girl was too young to constantly live in fear, especially having already been through so much — but in the Fire Nation they couldn’t afford to do anything less. A spitfire girl like her daughter was constantly treading on thin ice, and it was all she could do to keep her safe.
Kura feared the day when she wasn’t there to protect her.
-
After a short walk that consisted of muttering things to herself and taking her anger out on the pebbles unfortunate enough to be in her path, Y/N found herself back at the palace. She let herself into a side entrance meant only for servants and set on her way to the infirmary when she collided with someone else — an apology was already on the tip of her tongue when she recognized it was Prince Zuko once more. She truly had rotten luck.
Y/N shot quick glances around to ensure that they were alone, then lowered her voice just for extra security. “My mom says I’m not supposed to talk to you like this, but I don’t care. Just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean you can just go around bumping into people!” she whispered angrily.
“But— you were the one who bumped into me the first time!”
She could feel her face heat up from embarrassment and she crossed her arms. “Just— whatever! Do you want something or do you just like popping up in places you're not supposed to be?”
“I guess I just wanted to talk to you,” Zuko shrugged. “I’ve never really seen you around before, and you’re interesting.”
Y/N scrutinized him trying to find out if he was tricking her somehow, but after staring at him for a solid ten seconds she finally caved. “Fine,” she said, already beginning to walk. “But you’d better make it fast. I have to get to a healing session.”
He took a few quick steps to catch up to her and frowned. “I’m the prince. Technically I could order you to stop and you would have to listen.”
“Yeah, well when it’s just the two of us, you’re just another boy. I don’t have time to talk to boys for hours.”
His brows creased for a moment as he thought about it, then ultimately shrugged once more. “Okay. You said you were going to a healing session- does that mean you’re a waterbender?”
She nodded, and Zuko waited for her to explain further. He heaved a sigh, realizing that he was going to have to carry this conversation. “Well.. what’s a waterbender doing in the Fire Nation?”
She fixed him with a puzzled look. “I’m a servant. That’s why I’m here.”
“I know that,” he frowned. “But most of the servants here are from the Fire Nation, and there are hardly any around your age. I’m just trying to get to know you better.”
Y/N sighed heavily — she now knew that the child prince of the Fire Nation had zero sense of boundaries, and if she wanted to get him off her back she had to answer to his satisfaction. “My mother is a waterbender from the Northern Tribe. She left home when she was young to travel the world and help who she could with her healing, and eventually she fell in love with an earthbender. That was my father — they ended up marrying and settling down in his village where they had me a few years later. Last month, my village was raided by the Fire Nation, and my mother and I were captured after they discovered we were waterbenders. And now I’m here, being annoyed by a prince.”
Zuko frowned once more — it seemed if he continued hanging out with this girl the expression would be stuck permanently on his face — and he suddenly felt ashamed for pushing. “I’m really sorry,” he muttered. “I had no idea.”
She heaved another sigh and shook her head. “Yeah, well they probably keep a lot of the bad things they do from you. It’s easier to send raids to destroy families when your children don’t know.”
“What happened to your father?” he questioned.
Y/N’s body stiffened, and she had never been more thankful to see the infirmary door. “Save your questions for next time,” she grumbled.
Zuko’s eyes lit up, her earlier stumble going unnoticed, and a small smile found its way across his lips. “There’s gonna be a next time?”
She managed to cover up her own growing smile with an ambivalent shrug. “As long as you don’t bump into me again.” Y/N opened the door and gave him a polite parting nod before disappearing inside.
“Good afternoon, Master Rika,” she said with a small bow. “I know this is unexpected, but my mother insisted that I come here to—”
“Let me guess,” the older woman interrupted with a raised brow. “Kura got tired of you and sent you here to annoy me instead?”
Y/N chuckled and rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she pushed the sleeves of her tunic up to her elbows. “When have I ever annoyed you?”
“That’s a question you don’t want me to answer,” she joked as she rummaged through the closet to get supplies. “Besides, what was that smile for? Meet a boy on your day off? A girl?”
Her eyes widened momentarily and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks intensely. “I don’t ask you about your life while we heal, you shouldn’t ask about mine!”
Zuko, who had been eavesdropping by the door in an extremely un-covert fashion, felt an even bigger smile. The girl was prickly as a cactus, but he found himself strangely drawn to her — not in spite of it, but because of it. He was so used to anyone he talked to outside of his immediate family and friends bending at the knee to fulfill his every will, and it was exhausting at times. But this girl — Y/N, as he had learned — was the complete opposite.
He started to walk away, sure that he was late for some kind of session of his own. Zuko found himself thinking of the glimpse of a smile he got, already finding himself scheming up ways to make it return.
And despite her request, he was almost certain he would try to bump into her again.
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Personal trainer
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Summary: Chris Hemsworth is your new personal trainer. It doesn't sit well with your boyfriend Thor, until it does.
Warnings: 18+ smut, threesome?
Pairing: Thor x Reader, Chris Hemsworth x Reader?
Square filled - Rivalry
Word count: 1.8k
A/N: Written for @avengersbingo Please read warnings before proceeding.
Thor Odinson Taglist – @raspberrymama @bitchycherryblossomlove @jennie22feona @innerpaperexpertcloud @thorfanficwriter @darklydeliciousdesires @longlostinanotherworld
Everything Taglist – @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @littlegasps @suchababie @another-stark-sub @supraveng @kahlanmars @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @tom-hlover @just-the-hiddles @fyreball66 @asmigurub @avantgardium-leviosa @imerdwarf @gladiosamicitias @fanofalltheficsx @ladyburberry @chickensarentcheap @dontmindmyname123
Flames of anger and jealousy grew bigger and bigger inside Thor as he watched you chatting so animatedly with your new personal trainer Chris.
He couldn’t wrap his head around why you needed one in the first place, in his eyes, you were perfect just the way you were.
But he went with you to the gym religiously, insisted on staying ever since you got a new trainer, even though it was against the gym policy. Nobody really felt brave enough to ask the God of Thunder to get out of the place.
The way you giggled and casually touched his biceps or hit him on the chest every time Chris made a funny comment made Thor’s blood boil. He had an effect on you just as much as he did on every other person in that gym. The women did their level best to strike up a conversation any chance they got, while the men took it up as a challenge, the man was intimidating, but undeniably the hottest trainer you had ever laid eyes on.
You were about to finish a set when Thor walked in to check on you under the pretext of getting you a bottle of water.
“Alright give me ten more (Y/N).”
“I already did like a hundred. Leave me alone.” You joked, panting loudly as you wiped sweat off your forehead, chest heaving while you laid on the mats.
“Ten more no excuses. I’ll take off my shirt if you do it properly.” Chris sent a wink your way, holding your knees in place and fixing your stance for the last ten crunches you were about to do.
“Oh you just want to show off those perfectly chiseled abs.”
You finished the set and exhaled out loud, tired after that grueling core workout he made you do, when Thor walked in.
“I don’t see that shirt coming off Hemsworth. A promise is a promise.”
Your teasing was the first thing Thor heard and he didn’t like it.
“What’s going on here?”
“Oh hi! Uh nothing, Chris made me work hard today. I was just asking for a reward.”
You went over to the Asgardian, stood on your tippy toes and pecked his cheek.
“I’ll take my clothes off for you when we get home, my love.”
Thor’s voice dropped as he spoke, grabbing you by your waist and pulling you closer, not bothered about your sweat-covered body.
“Well let’s get going then.”
Your flirt was cut short when Chris joined you two, Thor’s grip on your side tightening, not that you were surprised.
“Great job today (Y/N), you killed it, like always.”
“More like you killed me. It was a great workout Chris, thank you. You’ve met Thor, haven’t you?”
“Yes of course. How are you mate?”
“Perfect. Now do I get to take my girl home with me?”
“Ah she’s all yours. We’ve had our fun.”
“What does that mean?”
Chris held his hands up in surrender as Thor narrowed his eyes at the man, he clearly disliked the guy and made no attempts of keeping those feelings to himself, the situation begging for you to intervene.
“Alright that’s enough. Chris, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Thor reluctantly let you go as you hugged Chris goodbye, keeping an eye on his hands the entire time to make sure they weren’t going where they were not supposed to be.
.
“Are you being serious right now?”
You demanded as Thor kept his eyes on the road as you drove home, not meeting your gaze, his jaw clenched. It had been a fun workout session and Thor was getting on your nerves with his childish behavior.
“I do not like that man.”
“Well I do.”
Your deliberate comment was laced with irritation, but there was truth to it. Chris was a nice guy and all you wanted was for Thor to get along with him.
“You like him? More than you like me?” He didn’t sound hurt, it was just an unnecessary overreaction which angered you further at this point.
“Right now with the way you’re behaving? Yes!”
You probably shouldn’t have said that, but well you did.
That kept him silent for the entire ride home.
It wasn’t until late in the evening that the pouting and moping God of Thunder found you and apologised for his irrational outburst. Not only did he make up to you, he made sure you remembered who you belonged to, a workout you definitely appreciated more than the one you had in the morning.
.
“Look at you all cute in your workout clothes.”
You giggled as Thor stepped out in his attire - a T-shirt that perhaps was too tight to contain the rippling muscles of his physique, and pants that hung low over those hips but you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Chris was coming over to your house today and you had planned to go for a little hike along a trail with Thor. It was about time the two boys learned to be comfortable around each other and not start a pissing contest every time they met.
“I’d prefer being called handsome, my love.”
“Promise me you won’t get all crazy and jealous when he arrives.”
“I wasn’t jealous, I just don’t like him getting his hands all over you.”
“Thor!”
“Alright you have my word.”
Just as you were pecking his lips, the doorbell rang causing Thor to pull you in for one last searing kiss and making you giggle before you ran to open the door.
“Well hello! Welcome to our humble abode.” You joked, giving Chris a side hug and inviting him in, knowing Thor was lurking behind.
“Thank you (Y/N) you’re looking great. I see those squats working wonders.” He winked, joining in your laughter before Thor made his presence known.
“Thor! Nice seeing you again. I didn’t know you were joining us today.”
They shook hands like civilised men before turning to you.
“Yeah I thought it’d be a good idea to do this together. Shall we?”
“After you, my lady.” Chris bowed and gestured for you to take the lead, as you did, Thor slipped in his hand into yours and clasped it firmly.
.
The hike took thirty minutes to reach the summit, but Chris had managed to turn it into a workout for you, making you jog the entire length not once but twice. By the time it was finished, the two men weren’t phased however you were left a sweaty panting mess, hands on your knees as you glared at them.
“It’s not fair!”
“Alright I’m going for another one.” Chris announced, racing back down alone while Thor made sure you got some water as you perched yourself on a large rock, watching the sun go down on the horizon.
Your Greek God of a trainer shortly returned sans his T-shirt, a self-confident grin adorned his face as he came to a halt right next to you.
Tiny beads of sweat made his body glisten in the golden light cast by the setting sun. The dips and plains on his torso enhanced, your mind was too busy making up scenarios where you ran your hands all over that perfect body.
Before you knew it, Thor was also shedding the fitted tee you’d made him wear, being nonchalant about it but you knew what was going on. Shaking your head was all you did because nobody was at a loss here. Being surrounded by two drop-dead gorgeous, strong and very shirtless men was better than anything else.
“Okay you two. If you’re done basking in all your half naked glory, shall we head home?”
Neither of them answered but made no attempts to put their clothes on either. You shrugged and stood up when the muscles in your legs screamed.
“Come on (Y/N), don’t be the odd one out. You know you want to.”
Chris gestured for you to take your tank top off.
“Oh there’s a lot of things I want…”
You bit your bottom lip before walking over to your boyfriend and asking your boyfriend to carry you the rest of the way.
Thor was more than happy to oblige.
.
It felt like a heady mixture, having the two men you desired the most this close to you.
You felt Chris’s hands move slowly along the side of your neck, down to your shoulder before sliding your bra straps off and letting it fall down your arms. All while your mouth moved in sync with Thor’s as he kissed you senseless, groping at your breasts over the fabric until it readily slid down.
You wasted no time in unhooking your lacy bra and throwing it blindly across the room. Your hands found home in Thor’s hair, gripping and pulling on the ends as your tongues danced in harmony until Chris covered your breasts with his large hands, those deft fingers pinching and rolling your nipples until they peaked and pebbled.
A sinful moan escaped your lips as the kiss broke, your head thrown back onto Chris’s shoulder as his lips found the heated skin of your neck, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses while Thor watched, stroking his erection through his boxers.
The blurry but arousing combination of hands and mouths continued while you felt yourself getting wetter by the second, your panties a complete mess at this point.
Chris let his hands slide lower, along your stomach and down into your panties all while Thor had recaptured your lips and was claiming your senses.
Your wet folds were played with agile fingers and your arousal was gathered between them before two of those fingers entered your warmth.
The stretch felt wonderful as you cried out, your voice muffled in the kiss. The two burly gentlemen touching and kissing everywhere, worshipping and devouring you.
Thor moved down to close his lips around your nipple, licking and sucking languidly while Chris worked his fingers inside you at an equally slow pace, stretching you out and getting you ready.
The Asgardian slipped his hands behind and squeezed your cheeks before finding your puckered hole, rubbing along the entrance and making you moan loudly in wanton need.
“Chris…”
“My love.”
“Quit teasing you two…”
“(Y/N)?”
“Mmm..”
“Wake up, my love.”
You were dazed and disoriented when your eyes fluttered open. Thor’s concerned figure looming over you as you slowly came to your senses and realized it wasn't real. A wet dream featuring the love of your life and the man you were shamelessly lusting over.
“It was a dream.” You muttered, repeating it to yourself as if reminding you that it could never happen.
Thor’s hand slid down your body and between your legs where your arousal was evident. You’d slept naked tonight, which meant the sheets were probably ruined. A smirk formed on his face as his fingers teased your glistening folds.
“Just a dream..could be a reality if you want.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Good thing he’s sleeping in the guest room.”
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My first time writing for Mr Hems. Thots???
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stardustprompts · 3 years
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the poppy war - r.f kuang   sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :   drugs , death , murder , nsfw , prostitution mention , language
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‘take off your clothes.’
‘why would anyone drug themselves before a test?’
‘you’re about to be a very lucky girl, sweet.’
‘wow that’s great. really great. Terrific.’
‘your folks are assholes.’
‘well fuck the heavenly order of things.’
‘don’t you have actual responsibilities?’
‘I don’t want to get on _____ ‘s bad side.’
‘you would make a terrible prostitute. no charm.’
‘what is so wrong with getting married?’
‘do you want to die?’
‘everything is spilling out of my head as quickly as I put it in.’
‘please do not commit spousal homicide.’
‘give me a way out of this shithole.’
‘hello, I’m praying.’
‘I seduced him with my nubile young body. you caught me.’
‘you can’t scare me into a confession, because I’m telling the truth.’
‘and that means you’re shit at your job.’
‘if you cross them—- if they even think you’ve looked at them funny—- they can and will hurt you.’
‘it’s easy to lose a language when you never speak it.’
‘you’re offending them with your very presence.’
‘they’ll make you an outsider, because you’re not like them.’
‘no matter what they say, you deserve to be here.’
‘I’ll kill you. I will fucking kill you.’
‘I went out in the sun once. you should try it sometime.’
‘oh, you’re the one ____ hates.’
‘you’d be a prick too if your family was both rich and attractive.’
‘honestly? I think he just comes in here to get high.’
‘I think you’re flattering yourself.’
‘unless you’ve got a weapon, don’t aim for the face. the neck’s a better target.’
‘we aren’t here to be sophisticated. we’re here to fuck people up.’
‘this is the only kick you’ll ever need, really. a kick to bring down the most powerful warriors.’
‘power dictates acceptability.’
‘he hasn’t done anything to earn my respect. all he’s done is act high and mighty.’
‘you’re nothing. you shouldn’t even be here.’
‘consider me bullied and intimidated, just let me sleep.’
‘he’s playing with her. he’ll end it soon.’
‘they’re good at fighting, but not much else.’
‘spend a lot of time looking at ____’s eyes do you?’
‘a betrayal of that sort would not have been out of character.’
‘come on, you belong here too.’
‘they’re not going to get rid of me like this. not this easily.’
‘I’m calm! I’m extremely calm!’
‘you’d rather kill your own people than let the opponent’s army walk away?’
‘you don’t let an enemy walk away if they’ll certainly be a threat to you later.’
‘he can’t stop raving about you.’
‘oh, don’t pretend to be bashful. you love it.’
‘you’re a walking disaster.’
‘anyone this obstinate deserves some attention, if only to make sure you don’t become a walking hazard to everyone around you.’
‘I heard he got drunk on rice wine last week and pissed into ____’s window. he sounds awesome.’
‘it’s me, your favorite person in the whole wide world.’
‘I do not have a problem. you are making up this problem for reasons unbeknownst to me.’
‘you’re killing the mood.’
‘they were weak as shit. scrawnier than you, even.’
‘you’re a real asshole. you know that right?’
‘your state of mind is just as important as the state of your body.’
‘sometimes you must loose the string to let the arrow fly.’
‘because I want to break his stupid face.’
‘he’s the most dangerous when he’s desperate.’
‘from this point on you’re just going to be a danger to yourself and everyone around you.’
‘you’re too reckless. you hold grudges, you cultivate your rage and let it explode, and you’re careless about what you’re taught.’
‘I knew I was the only one that could help him.’
‘they honed his rage like a weapon, instead of teaching him to control it.’
‘one urinating statue for my easily entertained friend.’
‘I don’t believe in gods. but I believe in power.’
‘one might say you’ve been obsessed with ____.’
‘don’t look to your left. pretend you’re taking to me.’ / ‘I am talking to you.’
‘we’re studying very weird things.’
‘I don’t actually know what I’m getting into.’
‘here is what happened: you called a god, and the god answered.’
‘you know that if you don’t get answers now, the hunger will consume you and your mind will crack.’
‘you’ve glimpsed the other side and you can’t rest until you fill in the blanks.’
‘supernatural is a word for anything that doesn’t fit your present understanding of the world.’
‘I’m supposed to take it as true that you’re a god?’
‘I’m not a god. I am a mortal who has woken up, and there is power in awareness.’
‘are we getting high? oh, wow. we’re getting high.’
‘ah. the law. so inconvenient. so irrelevant.’
‘we are not madmen. but how can we convince anyone of this, when the rest of the world believes it so?’
‘the price of power is pain.’
‘I understand the truth of things. I know what it means to exist.’
‘prey do not question the motives of the predator. the dead do not question the living. mortals do not challenge the gods.’
‘I killed for you. I would have done anything for you.’
‘I have seen the end of things. the shape of the world has changed.’
‘war doesn’t determine who’s right. war determines who remains.’
‘it’s alright. I know what you are.’
‘I thought I was the only one left.’
‘we have developed the power to rewrite the fabric of this world. if we don’t use it, then what’s the point?’
‘I don’t mess with that shit. it screws you up.’
‘I understand the appeal, I really do, but I like having my mind to myself.’
‘he’s a charmer. like a new puppy. you think he’s adorable until he pisses on the furniture.’
‘there’s no routine. no discipline. nothing you’re used to. am I right?’
‘so you’re the last of your kind. that’s sad.’
‘If you hold the fate of the country in your hands, if you have accepted your obligation to your people, then your life ceases to be your own.’
‘____ feared, and so he held you back.’
‘great danger is always associated with great power. the difference between the great and the mediocre is that the great are willing to take that risk.’
‘don’t ever let go on that anger. rage gives you power. caution does not.’
‘don’t give in... you’ve been so brave... but it takes more bravery to resist the power.’
‘the nature of this god is to destroy. the nature of this god is to be greedy, to never be satisfied with what he has consumed.’
‘so. screaming at rocks. is that, like, normal behavior here?’
‘fix this. prove your worth. do your fucking job or get out.’
‘I saved your life. doesn’t that make us at least a little square?!’
‘I was scared of you. and I lashed out.’
‘I thought I was better than you, and I’m not. I’m sorry.’
‘when I killed it, it felt like murder.’
‘look, I’m happy to discuss this, really, but I’m currently leaking life out three different wounds and I think I may pass out. would you give me a moment?’
‘well maybe ____ should get his head out of his ass.’
‘ ____ is more fragile than you think.’
‘look, asshole, I don’t need you to tell me what to do.’
‘they say he can read the future. shatter minds.’
‘you misunderstand the nature of our relationship. I am not your friend.’
‘he’s not human. he—- I don’t know what he is.’
‘but ___ was never allowed to be human.’
‘do you trust me?’ / ‘no. but that’s irrelevant.’
‘you don’t know what true suffering is.’
‘I have seen more than my fair share of suffering.’
‘that boy is beyond redemption. that boy is broken like the rest.’
‘I don’t want to be saved! I want power!’
‘that power will destroy everything you’ve ever loved. you will defeat your enemy, and the victory will turn to ashes in your mouth.’
‘we’ve missed something. something’s been laid out for us, but we can’t see it.’
‘fretting won’t make the dead come back to life.’
‘there was nothing human in those eyes.’
‘It was a nightmare, and I couldn’t wake up.’
‘I don’t need your pity. I need you to kill them for me.’
‘whatever it takes. swear it on your life. swear it for me.’
‘I won’t judge him. I don’t dare, because I don’t have the right. and neither do you.’
‘you asked me why I wouldn’t stop him. now you understand. you can’t stop an avenger. you can’t reason with a madman.’
‘I am afraid of what he might do in his quest for vengeance. and I am afraid that he is right.’
‘I am about to do something terrible. and you will have a choice.’
‘they give nothing to the universe, and the universe owes them nothing in return.’
‘you cannot survive my death.’
‘you’re trying to deceive me. you don’t get to deceive me.’
‘this is not the way. this path leads only to darkness.’
‘when are you going to stop being such a damn coward? what are you running from?’
‘you will turn the world to ash, and only demons will live in the rubble.’
‘you dress up your crusade with moral arguments, when in truth you would let millions die if it means you get your so-called justice.’
‘you have not cared about anything for a very long time. you are broken.’
‘I am terrified. but only because I’m starting to remember who I once was. don’t go down that path.’
‘your country is ash. you can’t bring it back with blood.’
‘I’m so sorry. I tried to warn you.’
‘you know the worst part? we’re so close to home.’
‘did you miss me? did you miss this?’
‘I just gave him some of his favorite medicine.’
‘resistance here means suffering. there is no escape. no future.’
‘you have nothing to fight for anymore’
‘what are you defending? you owe ____ nothing.’
‘we were disposable. we were tools. tell me that doesn’t make you furious.’
‘I am sick with fury.’
‘I will die on my feet. I will not die a coward. and neither will you.’
‘we could stay here. we could stay here forever. we wouldn’t have to go back.’
‘you’ll have to live with the consequences. but you’re brave ... you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.’
‘I have lost everything I care about. I don’t want peace, I want revenge.’
‘I don’t need to sleep. I need to feel nothing.’
‘do you want forgiveness? I can’t give you that.’
‘we avenged him. he’s gone, but avenged.’
‘you have to believe that it was necessary. that it stopped something worse. and even if it wasn’t, it’s the lie we’ll tell ourselves, starting today and every day afterward.’
‘aren’t you supposed to be a seer? do you ever see anything useful?’
‘we have an enemy whom we love.’
‘I’m going to find and kill everyone responsible. you cannot stop me.’
‘oh I’m not going to stop you.’
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sarcasmandships · 3 years
Text
honey and glass ~ spencer reid
i am in love with spencer reid but he only has eyes for jennifer jareau
spencer reid x reader angst + hurt/comfort (sorta, it’s all in first person but with no names/no specific descrptions)
song fic inspired by ‘honey and glass’ by peyton cardoza
word count: 4.8k
disclaimer: i do not ship jeid or think they had any chemistry but it’s a good opportunity for angst x
you know those kinds of girls who look like they're made of honey and glass like sticky sweet ash
it’s a summers night in california and i’m on the beach at sunset.
the sand is rough under my toes and a warm, gentle breeze blows a strand of my hair across my face; he lifts his hand to brush it away. tucking it behind my ear he stares down at me and the sun hits his face at a perfect angle, illuminating his hazel eyes like pools of honey. he leans in and i-
“ow!” i yelp, as morgan launches the volleyball at my head, “what was that for?”  
“come and play,” he laughs, waving me over to where he stands with emily and hotch.
i shake my head, “no, i don’t feel like it,” i mumble, massaging my left temple where the ball bounced off my skull.
morgan rolls his eyes and jogs past where i’m sitting to collect the ball, “what’s up with you then?” he teases.
i shrug, “nothing. I’m just tired,” i say feigning an unconvincing yawn, “ask one of them to play.”  
i motion with my head towards spencer and jj, they’re down by the edge of the waves and she throws her head back and laughs at something he says. her sheets of blonde hair ripple through the wind and he looks at her in pure awe and amazement as she giggles at something he said.
“nah, don’t wanna interrupt the kid when he’s trying to make a move,” morgan shrugs, “come play with us, we need an extra person.”
an extra person.
right.
because what else am i but another body to fill the space?
“i don’t want to,” i say, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from jj and spencer as i stand up, “hotch said the jet is leaving first thing tomorrow, i’m gonna head back to the hotel and get some sleep.”
morgan says something, but i don’t register it as i allow myself one last glance at spencer and jj. she is trying to convince him to paddle in the waves with her, he shakes his head but when she takes his hand in hers i can tell he’s melting inside as he follows her into the water.
and i just know that he’d follow her so far out to sea that his head was underwater as long as she kept their hands intertwined.
i turn away from morgan so he doesn’t see the tears burning in my eyes.
and you can't get the taste off your tongue burnt sugar and a little bit of rum
we’re in a dimly lit bar somewhere.
hotch left hours ago, he wanted to take advantage of one of the rare nights he would be there to read jack a bedtime story.
rossi is at a table in the corner, sitting with a woman who has not-so-subtly draped her leg over him.
derek is out of my line of sight and i’m thankful for that.
emily, garcia, and jj are dancing.
i sit at the table with spencer, he’s drunk.
more tipsy than drunk i think, but he so rarely drinks anything that the sight of him swaying along to the music was an anomaly. i can’t ignore the fact that his eyes are firmly fixed on jj as she dances, and i grip my wine glass so tightly i half expect it to shatter in my hand.
he leans across to me and my heart skips a beat as i inhale the alcohol on his breath, “i’m in love with her, y’know,” he slurs.
“i know, spencer,” i smile sadly and down the rest of my wine.
he doesn’t even notice when i grab my coat from behind him and shuffle towards the door.
and she dances in the rain with her clothes on drenched to the bone never knows when she's all gone, she's the life of the party
spencer and i are watching the big bang theory.
neither of us particularly like it, but there aren’t many channels on our hotel room tv and spencer enjoys the physics references at least. i watch his face light up as a character mentions something about quantum theory that i cant understand, and spencer launches into a rant about the universe and the stars.
i don’t have the knowledge to keep up with him or the heart to tell him to stop so i sit and listen, admiring the way his eyes sparkle and his hands gesticulate when no one interrupts him with a deprecating comment.
we sit there like that for the rest of the night, in our respective twin beds with him telling me the secrets of the universe and me wondering how on earth i will ever get over him.
and deep down I know that nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes
“anything you like?” emily asks me through the dressing room curtain.
“i’m not sure…” i mumble in response, biting down on my lip as i stare at myself in the mirror, “i-i don’t think this is my colour.”
the dress looked so beautiful on the hanger, but now that it’s on my body the fabric bunches up in all the wrong places and i can’t recall a time that i’ve looked worse.
the lights are just washing you out, i tell myself.
you’re having a bad hair day, it would look better with your hair down, i tell myself.
you just need some lipstick, i tell myself.
but when jj announces she has found the perfect dress and i stick my head out of the curtain to see her, i am slapped in the face with the realisation that it isn’t the lighting or my lack of makeup it’s just me.
because jj looks beautiful as always, her dress hugs her waist and the skirt fans out around her as emily demands she gives us a spin. she isn’t wearing makeup, her hair is in a ponytail too, the lights don’t wash her out because she is radiant and flawless, and the lights aren’t the problem.
i am.
i cry in my car as i drive home from the mall, and when i get home i tear everything out of my fridge and fling it into the trashcan. i vow to go to the store and stock up on salad and chicken.
i go to the store but i don’t buy salad.
and I wonder what it's like to be one of those girls to sit in the sun and look at the world and never think, "wow, am i enough?" ‘cause life is easy when you know that you're the main character
i’m in hotch’s office as he grills me about a stupid mistake i made in the field. i can hardly focus on his words as i shrink back in the chair, counting all the reasons that i don’t deserve to be in this job.
i’m not as smart or fast or strong as the others. i don’t have an eidetic memory or hacker skills and i can’t even maintain myself as a solid average agent because i keep fucking up.
“i’m not going to write you up,” he says, and my heart soars a little in my chest, “but i need you to understand that if you do something like that again i won’t have any choice, you were lucky no one got hurt today.”
i nod silently and blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.
“go home, get some rest,” he says and i don’t hang around for a second longer, darting out of his office i crash headfirst into a tall frame.
“wow, slow down,” he chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.
“spencer,” i gasp, looking up at his sympathetic smile, “what are you still doing here? we landed hours ago….”
he shrugs, “i waited for you.”
my heart skips a beat.
“you didn’t have to do that.”
he shakes his head, “you’re my best friend, i wanted to. plus i thought you might need someone after being in there with hotch.”
i swallow and offer him a slightly forced smile.
best friend.
“thanks, spence, that means a lot.”
he looks at me quizzically.
“what’s wrong?”
“nothing, just only jj calls me spence…anyways” he holds out his arm for me, “shall we go?”
i have to restrain myself from seizing his arm, and settle for tentatively wrapping my own around it, “thanks spencer…you’re such a good friend.”
he smiles down at me and its almost enough to melt away the icy feeling in my heart as i call him a friend. the coldness in my chest in my chest is a feeling i’ve grown accustomed to but when i’m with him everything is warm and bright again.
he feels like yellow.
and i feel like maybe i am enough.
and I'm sitting here thinking this is not fair
i feel like blue.
i’m alone in my apartment flicking through tv channels, trying to find something that isn’t a medical or crime drama. because after my day at work i can’t look at any more blood or dead bodies, even if its as fake as the pep in my voice when jj calls to ask if i’m okay.
“hotch grilled you pretty bad, huh? you sure you’re okay?”
“yeah, spence – spencer – waited for me and we went to get milkshakes after.”
“aww that’s so nice, you know i think he has a soft spot for you,” she teases.
something acidic bubbles in my throat, but i can’t tell her that i know she’s wrong because he spent half the night telling me how much he loves her. i have to gather the strength to respond without the venom in my heart poisoning my voice.
“oh, i don’t think so,” i laugh, “anyways, i should go – my movie is about to start.”
jj tells me to have a good night before she hangs up, and i switch off the tv. at this time there’s noting but romcoms and i don’t want to sit through hours of pining when its on replay every day at the office.
i watch my own reflection in the blank tv screen as sobs wrack my body.
but her smile makes it hard to be mad it's not her fault that I'm so fucking sad
jj holds me in her arms as i cry into her chest, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she coos, rubbing soft circles on my back.
i sniffle against her and i just know that my eyes are puffy and red but i can’t switch off the floods of tears that fall from them.
“do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.
i shake my head against her because how could i tell her?
how could I tell her that the man i love is in love with her?
and that i want to resent her for it but i can’t because she’s such a good fucking friend that she’s sitting here with me, unknowingly wiping the tears that i can’t stop shedding because i can’t be her.
she gives me one of those heart warming smiles that could bring peace to a dying man, and in that moment i am reminded again of why he loves her. there are worse people to love, i suppose. if spencer is going to cut out his heart and give it to someone it might as well be someone like her.
but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
and i hate myself for the part of me that hates her. she’s done nothing wrong. it’s not her fault that that spencer loves her, and its not her fault that she doesn’t realise.
so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun
i hate alaska.
my teeth chatter as we trudge through the snow filled field, and i pull the cuffs of my coat over my glove cladded hands. i hate the cold. i hate alaska. i hate the serial killer who dragged us all out here. i hate the impending snowstorm that was keeping the jet grounded for another night.
“should we even be out here?” i groan, “i mean if it’s not safe for the plane, then surely its not safe for us.”
“we aren’t 50,000 feet up in the sky though,” morgan says and i roll my eyes at him.
“it’s cold enough to make me feel like we are,” i huff.
spencer nods sympathetically at me, “i don’t like the cold either, not much snow in vegas.”
“i think we should have two behavioural analysis units,” i begin, “one to catch serial killers in cold climates, and the other in hot ones.”
he laughs, “i’d like that, but i think it’d just be us and garcia on the hot team.”
“we’d get by.”
he’s grinning at me, his messy brown curls are squashed down under his bobble hat but a few of them still manage to peak out. he’s wearing a multicoloured striped scarf and mismatched gloves.
a snowflake lands on his eyelash and i reach out to brush it off.
“thanks.”
“anytime.”
morgan launches a snowball at us, and it hits me in the back of the head, “hey! what is it with you and throwing things?” i snap.
morgan roars with laughter.
“not funny derek!”
he resumes his snowball fight with emily and jj and i draw my arms across my chest. i watch as they prance about in the snow, falling to avoid the snowballs launched by the others and laughing when they get hit. the sun is just starting to set, and it’s rays catch jj’s hair at the perfect angle, bouncing off the golden blonde strands as she dances around morgan. her and emily have joined forces to pelt him with snowballs.
i look up at spencer to see him starting at her in awe. his nose and cheeks are flushed from the cold, and the sun reflects against his own face, illuminating his eyes. they’re beautiful. like honey and glass.
“guys! come join us!” jj calls.
i shake my head, “there’s not enough money in the world.”
she pouts at me, “spence, please,” she says sweetly and before i know it he’s by her side and scooping up snow.
i watch from the side-lines.
spencer roars with laughter when emily hits morgan square in the face with a snowball, he wraps an arm around jj as she nearly collapses from laughter, something twinges in my stomach.
but he looks so happy, and that melts my glacier heart slightly.
maybe alaska wasn’t so bad after all.
and maybe one day, i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass
“nice to meet you, agent,” agent fitz says, holding out his hand, “we’ve heard good things about you up in the new york office.”
“really?” i say, shaking his hand and i can’t fight the smile that creeps across my face.
“really. give me a call if you ever fancy a change of scenery.”
“i’ll keep that in mind, agent fitz,” i give him a nod and a smile as he walks away.
new york was cold in the winter, but it didn’t seem like the worst place in the world.
but I think that it's hard for people to see that I love all these girls, and honestly it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh
i wondered once how i’d ever get over my love for spencer reid, and now as he sits and sobs on my couch i realise that i don’t want to. it hurts me to love him, and something stabs my heart every time i catch him staring at her, but he deserves someone to love him like he loves her.
“i guess i’m just starting to realise that she’ll never love me back, and i don’t know why or what’s wrong with me,” he says and looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears and his face blotchy and red.
“there’s nothing wrong with you,” i say, wrapping an arm around him and wiping his tears, “sometimes the people you love just don’t love you back, but that’s not a reflection of you or your self-worth,” i reiterate to him the mantra i say in my mirror every morning.
he whimpers and my heart breaks for him.
“it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like i’m dying inside every time she talks about him or tells me about their dates, and i try to be a good friend but-”
his voice cracks and another sob escapes his chest and i tighten my grip around him; heartbreak doesn’t seem to get easier with age, because here we are, two fbi agents in our late twenties crying over our crushes like we are in junior high.
because before i know it the tears are flowing down my face faster than his and when he breaks away from our embrace to ask me why i’m crying, i can’t tell him it’s because i am feeling everything he is.
“i just don’t like seeing you like this,” is all i can muster up.
it's just that these girls know they're okay there's a beauty in knowing your place in the world in loving yourself and knowing your worth
“hey!” spencer greets me as he steps into the elevator with me.
“hi,” i mumble back, taking another sip of coffee from my travel cup.
we’ve been called in on a case, but i’ve barely had any sleep and i’m struggling to keep my eyes open.
“you look tired, are you okay?”
you look tired.
so the bags under my eyes were obvious then.
“yeah,” i say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “just a late night, y’know.”
“oh…oh! is that your way of saying your date went well?” he says with a coy grin.
“what?”
oh! something clicks in my brain and i understand what he means.
“no! not like that no…actually it didn’t go well at all, he turned out to be a total misogynistic creep,” i say with a bitter laugh.
“oh, i’m sorry….”
i shrug and take another swig of coffee, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. to be honest i’ll probably end up calling him again anyways.”
spencer stares at me, confused, “why would you do that?”
“well, i don’t exactly have guys falling over themselves for me, do i?”
spencer frowns and i can see his brain working overtime behind his eyes, “so you’re just going to settle for less than you deserve?”
“i don’t have many other options do i?”
he reaches out an arm to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy for you soon. it’s only a matter of time, you’re worth more than a misogynistic creep,” he squeezes my shoulder and before i know it we’ve already reached our floor and he’s gone.
you’ll meet the right guy for you soon.
what if i already have?
you don't have to be perfect or never get sad that's not what it means to be honey and glass
it’s late and i sit at my desk, sorting through piles of paperwork.
my eyes blur as i enter the gruesome details of our latest case, from fatigue or tears i can’t tell. i think emily and hotch are still hanging around the office somewhere, but the others had gone to dinner as soon as we landed, promising that they would do their paperwork tomorrow.
i knew i would have no appetite sitting across a table from spencer and jj so i had sat silently in the back of the suv as hotch drove us back to the office.
a singular tear rolls down my cheek and splatters on my page, smudging the not-quite-dry-yet ink. i let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, i don’t know why i’m crying really.
no one had necessarily done anything wrong. only when we were in the field and the unsub had detonated the bomb, spencer chose to push jj out of the way instead of me. i was lucky that one of the s.w.a.t agents had grabbed my arm in time and pulled me back to safety.
it had been hours and my ears were still ringing from the explosion.
maybe spencer thought he was closer to jj, that he had a better chance of saving her, we are trained to make difficult choices based on survival odds, i told myself.
only spencer hadn’t been closer to jj, and she was surrounded by three s.w.a.t agents whilst i only had one next to me. but no one had really done anything wrong, no one died, no one even broke a bone. and it pains me to admit to myself but had i been in spencer’s position and had to chose between saving him or morgan, i know that would pull spencer out of the way every single time.
i jump as emily creeps up behind me, “hey, you okay?”
i don’t even try and disguise my puffy, red eyes or tear tracks as i look up at her, “no. but i think that’s okay.”
and everyone has their highs and their lows the nights you spend crying, believe me, I know
it’s roslyn’s birthday.
i don’t think anyone else in the team knows because they keep exchanging looks whenever jj snaps at one of them and i can see the annoyance in their eyes.
when jj barks at spencer and snaps her pencil within the space of five minutes i drag her into a storage closet and wrap my arms around her.
“shhh,” i say soothingly, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”
jj shakes her head, “i don’t think so, i thought this day would get easier with time but it’s just getting worse,” she sniffles.
i stroke her hair, “i know, i know its horrible and you deserve to cry as much as you want to. but you are so strong, and i know you can get through this-”
“i’m not,” jj shakes her head, “i’m not strong or brave or anything that you all think i am, i’m not like you I-”
“like me?” i question.
“you always hold yourself together, whenever there’s a case with a kid i’m falling to pieces but you keep it together. i mean i’m the one crying in a storage closet….”
i stare at her in disbelief, because jj is the strongest woman i know and i don’t understand how she can’t see that.
“i don’t have a sister who killed herself jj,” i say slowly, “you have survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you because you’re a fighter, that makes you strong.”
she shakes her head and clings to me, “but i’ve lost pieces of myself, i’m not the same person i could’ve been if life had been kinder to me and that makes me sad. my sister is dead and that makes me sad, everyone thinks i’m this strong and perfect person and that makes me feel guilty because i can’t be that person.”
in a turn of events, she is crying into my chest, her hair is greasy, and her mascara runs and i realise that my best friend was never truly on the pedestal i placed her on. and i realise i am part of the problem, treating jj like she is the be all and all of perfection and unattainablity when i should just be treating her like a friend.
spencer loves her and that kills me but it’s not what’s important right now. i’ve spent too long inside my own head, struggling to view her as my best friend or the other woman but now i see that she is someone that needs my help.
i know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep so i don’t want jj to go through something like that alone. so i vow there and then, to push my own feelings aside and be whatever she needs me to be.
i don't want to be these girls for beauty or fame but for the confidence they have in their own damn name
“smile!” garcia says as she appears with a camera.
emily, jj, and morgan turn to face her and pose but i duck out of the frame. garcia pouts and morgan grabs onto my forearm to pull me back into shot. i wish that i had the self-confidence to let him, to fall in next to him and make a silly pose at the camera and not worry if my hair was sitting nicely or if i was breathing in enough.
“come on! i need pictures for my scrapbook and you’ve been dodging me all night!” she whines.
i stare down at my feet, “garcia i’m not photoshoot ready like these guys,” i say, trying to make my voice light and floaty but it just sounds like im choking back tears.
“come on, just one picture,” jj says kindly, waving for me to come and stand next to her.
i shake my head again and wring my hands. the last thing i need is another photograph of jj and i to compare myself to every time i’m feeling extra low and self-destructive.
i try and remember the vow i made, to be there for my friend despite my own feelings. but she isn’t sad anymore, she’s happy and smiling and drinking wine, me squeezing in between her and emily for a stupid photograph isn’t going to make or break her.
it’s just a stupid photograph.
“no thanks,” i choke, “i’m going to get another drink,” i scurry away to the kitchen before anyone can object.
i shut the door quickly behind me and press my back up against it, taking a deep breath. i can’t quite believe i was successful in escaping garcia again.
“are you avoid garcia and her camera too?”
“spencer!” i laugh shrilly, “i didn’t even see you there.”
“yeah, i’ve been hiding in here for a half hour,” he smiles sadly, “i hate having my picture taken, especially next to morgan. he makes me look even lankier if possible.”
i frown, spencer had no reason to feel insecure.
“why don’t we get garcia to take a picture of just us two?” i suggest nervously, “you won’t have any reason to feel insecure next to me….”
he looks at me quizzically, “what do you mean?”
i wring my hands again, “just that you’ll automatically look even better if i’m next to you…cos’ i’m…well y’know,” i say awkwardly motioning to my face and body.
he cocks his head to the side, “are you trying to tell me you think you’re ugly, so i’ll look better by comparison?”
i shrug.
“well, i think you look beautiful.”
so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun
we’re on the plane journey home.
spencer and jj sit next to each other, their arms pressed together as they share the arm rest. spencer is reading a book; his eyes scan down the pages at lightening speed and i know he’ll be finished soon.
i am on the opposite side of the plane, i sit by myself, i like the space.
i keep my eye on them throughout the flight; just as i predicted, it doesn’t take long for spencer to finish his book and he places it down on the table in front of him. jj picks it up and teases him for the long-winded title, i don’t catch what she says, something about astrophysics.
he starts to ramble, and she interrupts him with another teasing remark, he flushes when she gently nudges his chest. i turn my head to stare out of the window, biting my lip.
they aren’t even doing anything, jj is just being friendly. and i still can’t handle it. i lie my head back against the headrest as i gaze out of the window, admiring the new york skyline as it fades into the distance.
a nervous chuckle from spencer snaps me out of my trance, and i look back over to see him and jj giggling secretively as she whispers something into his ear.
 “where are you going?” emily grumbles, she’s half asleep with her legs splayed out across two chairs when i accidently bump her foot.
 “bathroom,” i say quietly with a forced smile as i shuffle past jj and spencer, my heart seizing in my chest as she teases him about how long his hair is getting, brushing her hand through the curls.
i’m already silently sobbing in the bathroom so i miss the pitiful look that emily and morgan exchange.
and I know it doesn't make sense to forget the past but I promise, one day, you'll be honey and glass
“agent fitz?” i say, clutching my phone tight in my hand.
“ahh, i’ve been wondering when i’d be hearing from you.”
i laugh quietly, “yes, well i’ve been thinking about what you said, and i think i could do with that change of scenery now.”
i wrote this in a couple hours and didnt proof read so apologies for an errors :))
part 2
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wickedpact · 3 years
Note
dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)
Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact
background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare
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my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)
long post under cut
A. The Description Matches
when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”
As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........  late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:
  B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married
it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)
Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?
(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)
Like.
1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and
2.)  the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:
  C. The Rival (aka. Joe)
shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses
So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,
(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)
He then goes on to say
And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:
(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))
So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that
That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.
shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.
(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)
(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)
Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says
Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.
(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)
[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]
And then another example in #86
Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?
Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?
(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)
Which brings me to,
  D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth
shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:
Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;
(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)
Which again brings me to,
  E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:
1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,
For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: 
(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)
so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:
2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,
For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.
which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’
and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.
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  F. The last One
Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,
O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest. 
(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)
The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.
TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise
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fivelakesinwriting · 3 years
Note
can i request a jj or pope fic (if that’s what you’d call it), where the reader is suffering period cramps and other symptoms, and he comes to take care of her? probably a lot of fluff between them??
Author's Notes: Not enough love for our boy Pope, so I chose him! He would be the sweetest boyfriend, I think.
Warnings: Mentions of drugs, Swearing, Mentions of blood (it's about periods, y'all) - Otherwise, fluff!
Requested? YES! Requests for OBX are OPEN!
*My work is not to be transferred, copied, translated or reposted to any other sites without my permission. Please see my masterlist for all other works and warnings. Thank you! xoxo
Pope was so excited that it was the weekend. He had no extracurricular activities that day, and his only plans were to go out on the HMS Pogue with his friends and his new girlfriend. He woke up and was greeted by the sunniest Saturday morning he had seen in the long time and it was as if the stress and anxiety was lifted off of him.
He smiled to himself as he grabbed his phone off of his desk and checked his messages.
I can't come out today :(
Pope read the text message from his new girlfriend, they had only been official for about two months, and his heart sank. He let out a heavy sigh as he typed back a quick reply and changed into his clothes for the boat.
Pope couldn't keep the frown off of his face as he rode his bike to The Chateau. He had been looking forward to this Saturday on the water with the Pogues and his girlfriend all week. Sun, water and a pretty girl in a (hopefully) small swimsuit was just what he needed to get his mind off all this Royal Merchant and Denmark Tanny nonsense.
He hopped off his bike, letting it fall to the ground in the drive of The Chateau then stalked up towards the open door of the front porch.
"Whoa. Easy, Big Guy. Gonna break my door. You look like someone broke your project for the Science Fair." John B mumbled as he pulled on a t-shirt he grabbed from the back of the old couch.
"She's not coming." Pope grumbled as he sat down on the couch beside Kiara as she finished packing the cooler.
"What do you mean she's not coming? We've had this planned since like, last week. Stoked to finally meet your girl, man." JJ mumbled as he finished pinching the last bit of weed into the rolling paper.
"Says that she can't come out today because 'it has been a red dawn'. Whatever that means." Pope sighed as he turned his phone over in his hand, resting his head back on the couch.
Kiara burst out laughing, her hand over her mouth as she kept her eyes fixed on the cooler at her feet.
"What? Why is that funny?" Pope asked as he lifted his head up from the couch to look between his friends.
"She has her period, Pope. She doesn't want to come out because she has her period and is probably embarrassed to be around you and boys she doesn't know." Kiara replied as she looked over at the Heyward boy who still looked confused.
"Red Dawn, now that was a good movie." JJ stated as he put the freshly rolled joint behind his ear, and stood up.
"JJ." Both Kiara and Pope sighed as they looked over at the blonde boy.
"I'm just saying." JJ smirked as he adjusted his red hat on his head, then stood up and made his way over to the small television set on the other side of the room, crouched down and began to rummage through the small cabinet beneath.
"Well, I guess I'll just for two weeks after exams and prep classes are over. It just sucks because this was like, the one weekend she and I both had." Pope muttered as he rested his head back on the couch.
"Who says that you can't see her?" Kiara asked with a furrowed brow.
"Well..I just figured she'd want to be alone." Pope stammered.
"She's not a leper, Pope. And even if she were, she's your girlfriend." Kiara rolled her eyes as she swatted her friend's chest.
"Hate to admit it, but she's right. Take this and go see your girl instead. Boat will still here next weekend." JJ grinned as he walked over to Pope and handed him a dusty DVD.
"Red Dawn? JJ, I can't bring this." Pope held the DVD up to show the title back to the grinning Maybank boy, and shook his head.
"C'mon. She'll think it's funny." JJ laughed with a pat of Pope's shoulder before he made his way down the hall of The Chateau.
"Don't bring that." Kiara muttered under her breath.
"I'm not." Pope replied.
*
By the time Pope got to her house, still on The Cut, it was mid- morning and the sun was blazing hot. He dropped his bike in the empty driveway and wiped his brow with the hem of his shirt. He walked up the steps to the front door and knocked lightly.
"Pope?" She opened the door and greeted him in baggy sweat pants and an oversized sweater.
"Hi. I know you said that you didn't want to come out today, but I thought...well, Kiara thought..that you might want some company. And I thought that, too. But I didn't want to overstep and invade your space. But I guess I'm here now." Pope rambled as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other on the front step.
"No, it's okay. Pope, I'm really glad you came over. Come inside." She smiled softly as she took hold of his hand, lacing their fingers and pulled him inside the house, towards her bedroom.
"I was just going to watch a movie." She smiled as she sat on the edge of her bed and looked up at him as he stood awkwardly in the doorway of her bedroom.
"That's perfect. I actually brought you some snacks. I wasn't sure what you might be craving, I know you always flip flop between chocolate or candy. So I brought you both." Pope smiled softly as he walked slowly to the edge of the bed and sat next to her, pulling his backpack off his shoulders.
Pope opened up his backpack and pulled out one bag of Skittles and another bag of M&M's, passing them to her.
"You're the sweetest boyfriend, ever." She smiled as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"I do request I get at least a handful of the Skittles, though." Pope blushed as he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close.
"I can do that. Hey, what's that? You brought a movie?" She smiled as she pointed the the DVD that sat at the bottom of his bag.
"What? No, I didn't...damnit, JJ." Pope sighed as he rubbed his forehead.
She smirked and reached into the bag before he grab her hand to stop her. She looked at the DVD with a smile and read the bright yellow Post-It note on the front. JJ's unmistakable printing on the note.
IT WILL BE FUNNY.
"I'm so sorry. That was JJ's idea of a joke. He wanted me to bring this movie because of your text.." Pope sighed as he reached for the DVD.
"You don't want to show me the movie?" She giggled as she held the movie out of his reach.
"If you want to watch it, sure." Pope nodded with a sigh of relief. For once JJ's antics hadn't gotten him kicked in the ass. Especially with a girl he liked.
"Pop it in the player, it's over there." She giggled as she pointed the small television across her bedroom.
Pope smiled and did as was requested of him, putting the DVD in the old player. He grabbed the remote and walked back over the bed and laid with her as she already opened the bag of Skittles.
"Pope?" She asked softly as he settled against the headboard and fast forwarded through all the trailers and advertisements he didn't care about.
"Yeah?" He looked down at her, and he felt his heartbeat start to quicken. She was so pretty, and she liked him.
"Do you think you could rub my belly for a little bit? I have cramps, and they suck." She whispered as she rested her forehead on his shoulder.
"Really?" Pope asked as he slid his back down the headboard to be closer to her on the mattress.
"Yeah. Your hands are always so warm and soft." She nodded as she rested against him, her head on his shoulder as she watched the television.
"Sure." Pope smiled as he slowly, tentatively, reached beneath his shirt and pressed the palm of his hand just beneath her belly button and softly rubbed back and forth. He kissed the top of her head as she nestled into him even more.
"Thanks for staying behind from the boat to keep me company, Pope." She whispered against his neck.
"No need to thank me. I think I like this better." Pope replied softly.
"I don't know why JJ said we should watch this movie, though. There's minimal blood. Should have watched Carrie or something." She smiled as she looked up at his face.
"You're so weird. And I'm not watching Carrie again. Watched it once in the 8th grade because JJ made me, and I'm not doing it again." Pope laughed, his hand still running across the warm skin of her stomach just under her belly button.
"Oh, no. Poor little Pope." She giggled as she wrapped her arms around his midsection and pulled him close.
"Yeah, so if you want to watch horror movies you'll probably have to ask JJ." Pope replied as he kissed the top of her head.
"I will protect you, Pope." She whispered against his chest and held him tightly.
Pope felt content in that small bedroom with his girlfriend, the fan blowing straight on them as they watched that stupid movie JJ must has shoved in his backpack when he walked out the living room earlier. He supposed he owed him a thank you.
Maybe.
Hottie List:
@starkey-babie @sodasback @fashion-fasting @beauvibaby @barrysjumpsuit @vinniehcker
*tag list still open if you'd like to be added - just let me know!
Please let me know what you think if you have a moment! Thank you so much! xoxo
Requests for OBX ARE OPEN!
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avengerscompound · 2 years
Text
The Tower: Happily Ever After - 29
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The Tower: Happily Ever After An Avengers Fanfic
Series Masterlist | Character Reference PREVIOUS //
Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)
Word Count: 1923
Warnings:  none 
Synopsis: Almost 40 years after Elise Cooper first crashed into Natasha Romanoff outside the library at Columbia University, she and the Avengers are adapting to a near-immortal life together with their large brood of children.  Yet things aren’t perfect.  Life is moving on without them and they’re starting to discover who isolating being immortal can be.When Angela comes and asks Thor to take the throne of Asgard once more, the group leaves Earth in the hopes that they will find their Happily Ever After there.
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Chapter 29: The Fear
I was getting restless.
I had sat through my fair share of council meetings before being asked to join Thor for one of the weekly sessions where the public petitioned him for things.  That could be anything from asking for a road to be fixed or an extension on a home to mediation regarding property ownership disputes or sending out guards to investigate people’s concerns.
I still felt woefully underqualified for even offering my opinions on the running of the country, but where the council meetings when I said something I felt confident that the council would take into account I was still learning when I sat in front of people who saw me as some divine wisdom, I worried about fucking it up.
Not to mention the job involved sitting on a hard metal chair for the whole day dressed in formal Asgardian wear.  It was incredibly uncomfortable.
I was very glad I had opted for no marks when I had been with Natasha and Steve.
The babies were brought into me to feed about two hours into the first session of petitioners and I had to work out how to breastfeed in the uncomfortable metal chair while wearing a formal Asgardian dress, without flashing the people who had come to speak with us.  It wasn’t easy, and I ended up just feeding one at a time, something I only did if both weren’t hungry at the same time under normal circumstances.
So as I had Thour tucked into a sling made of gold fabric as she fed, Thor cradled a whiny Nova and let the infant chew on his knuckle.
“Your majesty.”  The Asgardian man who kneeled in front of us looked older than Thor, though I still had no idea how to judge the ages of Asgardians.  If he’d been human I would have said around fifty.  He was sun-weathered and had the hands of a man who used them regularly.  Yet despite that, he was dressed in fine, yet simple clothing in sea and pea green, and earth brown.
“Rise, citizen,” Thor said.  “I apologize for my son.  He’s a little hungry.”
The man stood and shook his head.  “It is an honor to get to see them.  I know they aren’t brought out in public very often yet.  My wife is not going to believe I was lucky enough to have them at our meeting.”
“I am happy that we can send you home with at least some good news,” Thor said.  “Let us see if there is any more I can grant.  What has brought you to me today?”
“The farmers outside the western city walls have all been reporting missing things.  From small items like clothing and food to livestock,” the man explained.  “I myself have lost a few animals and there was a large argument I had with my wife about who ate the last of the cake she baked.  To begin with, we all just thought it was one of those things.  Animals can go missing from time to time.  Clothes get lost in the wash.  A family member will eat the last of something without telling anyone.  But as the stories were passed around it became clear that this was happening a little too regularly to be normal.”
“Do you believe it is a thief or a beast?” Thor asked.
“Hard to say, your majesty,” the man said.  “I would say, thief or thieves.  But this is only part of the problem.  Dread has been building.  It started with nightmares, always of our biggest fears, but not happening regularly enough to warrant concern.  Now my wife and I are waking several times a night with them and we are not the only ones.  Everyone is complaining about lack of sleep due to these night terrors.  It’s beginning to seep into the day.  I go outside and feel such fear, it’s hard to work.  My animals seem to be affected by it too.  They are losing weight, abandoning their young, and bellowing constantly.  There is something dark out there and it is tormenting us.”
“Do you feel that fear here?” Thor asked.
The man shook his head.  “No, my lord.  It ended when I passed through the city gates.  Almost like a weight was lifted off me.  I believe we all let it get so bad because whatever this is has made us too scared to ask for help.”
Thor looked to the guard near him.  “Summon my daughters, Riley and Rebecca.”
“If there is magic involved it might be a good idea to have Wanda or Billy go too,” I suggested, speaking quietly.
Thor nodded.  “And my son William.”
“Yes, your majesty,” the guard said and strode off.
“I shall send my children to investigate, they will require you to show them where all this is taking place,” Thor said, addressing the man again.
“Of course, your majesty,” he said.  “I am honored that you would send your children.”
“How many farms are affected?”  Thor asked.
“So far there are ten of us,” the man replied.  “I do not know if it is spreading or whatever it is moving around.  Perhaps it is both, but it only started with three of us.”
Thor frowned.  “These are ill omens.  Perhaps you and the others should be moved to the city until this trouble passes.”
“But the livestock, my lord,” the man said.  “It cannot be left to fend for itself.”
“Indeed,” Thor pondered.  “My life, do you have any ideas?”
“Are there farms on the other side of the city away from whatever is happening that the animals can be moved to until we get to the bottom of this?” I asked.
Thor nodded.  “I shall send someone to request assistance,” he decided.  “Until then I  shall post guards at your farms and have them regularly rotate in the hopes that what is affecting you doesn’t have a chance to affect them too.  I would also suggest that anyone who is not essential to the day-to-day running of the farm leave.  I will house anyone who needs it here at the palace.”
“That is too kind, your majesty,” the man said.  “I shall tell the others of your offer.”
“Thor, I need to trade kids with you,” I whispered.
“Of course,” Thor said, getting up.  It took a little juggling but we managed to swap over Thour and Nova.  As we were switching them Riley, Rebecca, and Billy came into the throne room.”
“Father,” Riley said.  It was funny hearing her call him that.  Sometimes the kids would call us mother or father in an overly serious tone as a joke, but when they did it seriously it always made me want to laugh.  Riley held her hand over her breastplate and had bowed her head as she spoke with such reverence it nearly made me crack.  Rebecca and Billy looked at her like she’d lost her mind but then quickly mimicked her stance.
“I need you three to go and investigate the farms to the west of the city,” Thor said.  “There is something sinister happening and we need to get to the bottom of it.”
“You want me to go?” Billy asked.
“There may be magic involved.  The people who live out there are being plagued by nightmares,” Thor said.  “Perhaps you can use your abilities to glean something from the site.”
Billy nodded. “I’ll try.  I’m still learning.”
“That’s all I ask,” Thor said.  “And if you do not wish to do this kind of work…”
“No,” Billy said.  “I do.  I’ll try.”
“Thank you, son,” Thor said.
“If we’re going to be searching for some nightmare demon I’m gonna be taking this-” Rebecca said and held out her hand.
Mjolnir shot forward but it was still attached to Thor’s belt.  He yelped and grabbed the handle quickly.  “She is still attached to me.  Did you wish to pants your father while he sits on the throne?”
Riley and Billy both unsuccessfully smothered laughter but Rebecca broke, laughing loudly.  “It’s good to learn humility,” she teased.
That set off the farmer too, and he covered his mouth as he hid his laughter.
Thor unhooked the hammer and held it out.  “Here,” he said.  “Take care of her.”
Rebecca held out her hand and the hammer flew into it.  “We won’t let you down,” she said.
Riley bowed to the farmer.  “Sir, if you’ll lead the way.”
As they walked away and the next person made their way toward us Thor turned to me.  “I should have the dwarves of Nidavellir forge everyone their own divine weapons.  Perhaps then everyone will stop stealing mine.”
I laughed. “It’s not just that it’s a weapon, honey,” I said.  “The spell means we get your powers too.  Plus there’s the whole ego thing about being worthy.  Besides - what would mine do?  Let me see the threads that connect us even brighter?”
Thor chuckled.  “I suppose you’re right, my life.  Even still, I shall make the request.”
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That night, we were halfway through our dinner in the banquet hall with the whole family before Riley, Rebecca, and Billy showed up.  Teddy was anxious about how long Billy had been away and no amount of me telling him he was fine would set his mind at ease.
“Teddy,” I said as he pushed his food around on his plate.  He looked up at me and I pointed to the doors just as they swung open and Rebecca, Riley, and Billy walked in.
Teddy jumped to his feet and rushed to Billy.  “Oh my god, I was so worried,” he said, pulling the other man into a deep kiss.
Piper jumped off her seat excitedly.  “Daddy!” she squealed and ran to them as Flynn wiggled in his highchair.
“That’s quite the welcome home,” Billy chuckled as he pulled back from Teddy.  “I’m fine, babe.  I’m fine.”  He scooped up Piper and carried her to the table, kissing Flynn on the head before he took a seat.
Thor held out his hand, calling Mjolnir to him, and hung the hammer back on his belt.  “How fared thee?”
“There is definitely something dark out there,” Riley said as she took a seat.  “We all felt it.  Whatever it is, it seems to be trying to build power.  And it appears to be working.  The field in which we could feel that fear was significant.”
Thor frowned.  “I do not like the sound of that.  Could you track it to its source?”
“I thought I was,” Billy said.  “I was definitely getting close.  But whatever this is, it’s strong.  The trail just stopped dead and I couldn’t pick it up again.”
Thor stood.  “I should go examine this myself.”
“What now?” Rose asked.
“Yes, daughter,” Thor said.  “It is threatening my people.  I need to be rid of it.”
Steve stood and so did Wanda and Sam.  “I’ll come with you,” they all practically said in unison.
Thor nodded.  “That is a good idea.  The rest of you stay put.  I will be back if we cannot find anything, but I do not want to leave the palace unguarded.”
“Be careful,” I said.
Tony laughed.  “You know he won’t be.”
“I’ll take care of him,” Wanda added and kissed the top of my head.
“Don’t wait up for us,” Steve said and as the three of them left the room I wondered if the dread that the farmers felt out there was anything like that which I was feeling right now.
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// NEXT
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ofc-fics · 2 years
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The Morning Before
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The next morning, technically that same day, the sun rose and both women slept in a bit. The window's covered daylight warmed the couple to a slow wakening. Helena hummed as her brain came together. She scratched the scalp still beneath her fingers. Moiraine's fingers twitched around her, pulling her closer as she came to. Helena giggled at the ticklish sensation. She pressed another kiss to the Blue's dark hair. She sighed. "We have a Sitting to attend. Deliverance. Light," she groaned, "can I punch Liandrin?" 
Moiraine made an untypical sound as she buried her face again against the woman she loved in a nearly childish attempt to flee from the day light and the responsibility that came with it. Out of protest she did not answer, but she smiled when she thought about the face Liandrin would make, and the blue knew that Helena could feel it against her skin. Finally she sat with a groan, rubbing her eyes. “Sometimes I feel like these Aes Sedai politics are just to humiliate each other. The whole freakshow of exiling us before everyone else…It’s nasty. I bet Liandrin enjoys seeing a different woman kneeling every evening.” She spoke before she thought twice about it, but the message was all the same no matter how exactly she put it. “It’s the same with the punishments. Have you ever thought about how wrong it is to get spanked by some random older Aes Sedai?” She shuddered, and a slow grin was showing on her lips. “Forgive me. This is your influence, Helena, I would have never said such a thing without heavy influence of wine, at usual times.”
Helena smirked down at her. "Why, Lady Moiraine, can you not tell I prefer my Sedai older?" she teased. Her smirk widened into a smile and she stretched. Sitting up, she gazed down at her deep blue nightdress, increasingly amused. It was a bit like tying Moiraine up with her grey shawl. She rubbed the back of her head with a yawn. "When's the Sitting?"
A horn was blown.
Both Sedai looked out the window. "Within the hour, it would seem," Helena commented needlessly.
Moiraine was already moving, pulling out her formal wear.
Helena pulled the previous night's clothes, looking around. "I would say we should get a place to put clothes for me in here, but we won't be here long enough." She pulled her shawl over her shoulders, fixing the bed. She laid out the dress so it wouldn't get wrinkled. 
Moiraine was at the bathing basin to clean what she could without a full bath. 
Helena stopped by her side, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Lan will have sent the invitations to the ladies of the Two Rivers. Then we have our trial." She took a deep breath. "Would you like me to be there with the Amyrlin or is five a crowd?"
“I wouldn’t like to do anything without you”, the brunette admitted quietly as she dried her face with a soft towel and moved aside so Helena could take her place, if she wanted. “You have managed to smuggle yourself into this farce, and even if I wanted to keep you away it would be hardly fair.” Moiraine exhaled a little too heavily as she stopped her movements to observe Helena, before she started braiding some bits of her hair, facing a small mirror. “We cannot walk the full way through the tower together, it would be too obvious. But we can meet before the Amyrlin’s chambers when it is time, and afterwards, when I have brought the young women back somewhere safer, we can think about how to spent our last few hours at this place.”
She wasn’t exactly melancholic about leaving. The only thought that gave her heart a painful twist was having Siuan stay behind, where she didn’t know what would happen to her, or if she would manage all of this without…drowning in the sorrows and fears and politics.
The blue Ajah noticed she has been starring longer in the mirror than necessary. “Say, Helena, have you ever snuck into the kitchen and stolen candy…?”
~*~
Getting the women from Emonds field to know the Amyrlin has went…alright. Nyneave could have been less stubborn and insistent to act as if Siuan didn’t hold enough power still to be able to beat her – verbally and physically – and Egwene could have been a little less girlish about the meeting, but all in once it could have been worse. Moiraine at least lived under the certainty that they knew each other and Siuan would make sure they became Aes Sedai…if they returned, from where they were going, and if Egwene wasn’t the dragon reborn.
Now there wasn’t much time left until the trial.
But one thing Moiraine has got on her mind, and it wouldn’t rest until she had her way. It meant sitting as close to the roof as possible, watching the city and eating sweet candy no one else seemed to know how to make, other than some few Aes Sedai of the White Tower. Looking at Helena she smiled, thinking that it might be the most she would feel like smiling for the next days. Somehow she wanted to keep this exact picture in her mind forever. Red curls in the wind, a beautiful face with sugar smeared on lips and chin. “What will you do, if we should succeed, and the last battle is won?”, she didn’t know if she wanted to know the answer. For herself it was clear what she thought about having but Helena…Moiraine couldn’t tell what the woman she loved would truly want. 
Helena thought silently for a moment. She brought one ankle beneath the other and popped it, using her thumb to clean her lip. "Mostly, you. But... I don't know. I don't desire staying in the White Tower my entire life. I took up the Grey Shawl because that's what I had always done. I was always the mediator, even back home. I can take what needs to happen in order to reach a peace, but this place... it's so toxic." She grinned sideways at her Blue. "I never realized how lonely I was before you. Even when Igraine, it's always been duty. She was assigned to me when I refused to choose a Warder." She pouted, taking a dramatic bite of the candy in her hand. "Shoulda picked Red." She shook her head, smiling again. "But, if I had, we might never have gotten this close." She knocked shoulders with the older Sedai. "And I still might've gotten Igraine." She shrugged. "We're friends, I trust her. What about you? Big plans after a big win?" She smiled brightly.
Moiraine thought about it for a moment. She wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to think about it too closely. “I want what you want.”, she said first, as it was what came the closest to what she desired. “I wouldn’t know where to go, if it were my decision. The world is so big and yet there’s nothing I’d call home other than your and Lan’s side. And when everything is over, then I need to find a way to let him go. He might not become happy with Nyneave forever, but…” She shrugged. This was his private matter, and only his. She just wanted to see him happy. It meant letting go rather sooner than later. 
Moiraine started playing with the tendrils of a plant growing from the ceiling down to the floor they sat on. Like children who were secretly skipping their education.
“Sometimes I wonder if I should have done things differently.”, she shrugged and stopped her fingers before she could rip the little leaves and flowers out. The blue Ajah looked up with a smirk that didn’t last too long. She ended up sighing, moving a little closer to put an arm around the younger woman’s shoulder. “I’ll follow you wherever you go.” If that’s possible. “Just keep in mind that becoming a housewife would drive me mad.”, she kissed her cheek tenderly, “You would have been a terrible red, by the way. Unless there’s an unsatisfiable anger towards men, which went unnoticed…? Light, sometimes I think the only reason this Ajah exists is to weight out social inequality.” 
She stood up after letting some minutes pass and gazed over the balcony before reaching out a hand for her love to take so she could pull her up. “Are you ready, my love?”
Helena stood yet blocked the exit to their secret alcove. She held up a finger. "First of all, not unsatisfiable. I just wouldn't screw one with a clone weave. I wonder if we could find a little cottage." She raised her face, her nose brushing the tip of Moiraine's. "In the middle of the woods. We'd travel wherever we'd like and that could be a little anchor." Her eyes met the blue before her. "I'm ready," she answered. She took Moiraine's hand, holding it between both of hers. "Question is, are you? Mother is close to you. And you, her. I don't suppose there's anyway to prepare for it." She kissed the knuckled in her hand. "But I'll be there, the whole time, and afterward. Always." She stepped back, nearly tripping over the skirt of her stupid grey dress. She hated formal Sittings, punishment deliverances. They had to dress their most formal, as if it were some seasonal ball.
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Not just a soft princess - Azula x female reader imagine: Part Two
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You arrive at the fire nation and things do not go as Azula planned, mainly because she didn’t expect to be putting her own neck on the line to protect you from her father...but that’s exactly what she finds herself doing more and more. 
Part one here
Part three here
Part four here
Part five here
Part six here
Your POV
The ship landed just as the sun was rising and you expected to be shown to a room to sleep but instead Azula started towards the palace and gestured for you to follow. The dai li were sent down another corridor and you hesitated but Azula called your name sharply and so you turned away. You had no idea where Azula was taking you, all you heard her say was “he will want to see her” to two guards who hastily got out of her way. You were so angry and scared you didn’t take in the grand decor or extravagant wealth of the fire nation. You just followed Azula as you went further into the belly of the beast. When you got closer Azula dismissed everyone apart from you but one person didn’t leave. Her brother Zuko stayed and Azula narrowed her eyes. She yanked him to the side and they argued in whispers but eventually Azula won. You wondered if she ever lost....Zuko turned back the way you’d come and disappeared around a corner. Azula carried on walking without saying anything and anxious not to be left behind you hurried after her. You finally reached a huge throne room lined with fire and gaped. "Father" Azula said sprawling on the floor in a bow. The figure in the fire turned and looked at you both before fixing it’s eyes on you. Azula shot you a look but you made no attempt to move "you said nothing about bowing, i am still princess of the earth kingdom". Azula narrowed her eyes when suddenly the figure moved out of the fire. Fire lord Ozai loomed before you and glanced over you “so this is the princess" Ozai said coming to stand right infront of you. He lifted your chin with his hand and stared in your eyes harshly. "You are now our ally so i will excuse this lapse in judgement just this once...but in the future you will bow to me and only me. We are allies but i your king, do you understand?". He jerked his hand away but you didn’t let you chin drop, the fire lord glared at you but you matched his eye defiantly. You saw Azula watching anxiously so eventually looked away "yes fire lord Ozai" and lowered your head. "Good" Ozai replied. You doubted you had a choice. “You will rest and prepare for tonight”. “What’s tonight?” you asked and Ozai smirked cruelly “why our victory party of course”.
Azula’s POV
After you left Azula stayed, anxious to hear her father’s praises but they never came. “She is your responsibility” he said simply and Azula looked up “the princess?”. “Well who else?” he snapped “it was stupid bringing her here, you should’ve killed her when you could”. “I couldn’t...there’s no way the city would’ve allowed it, they would not have surrendered if we harmed her, the only way to assure victory was with her help”. “She is not broken and that is a problem” Ozai glared “it will be your job to break her, if you fail or if she causes even a whiff of treachery....you will face the consequence” he glared “yes?”. Azula bowed her head “yes father”. Her father made a noise and swept past her, stepping on her sleeve as he passed. Azula frowned wiping away the dirt and stood up. If you were her responsibility then she had to make sure you behaved, she had work to do.
Your POV
You were led through another maze of corridors until you were eventually released into your room. As prison cells went it was beautiful. Large and tastefully decorated you found yourself admiring the room when suddenly the door was thrown open. Servants brought in boxes and boxes of supplies and you frowned “what is all this?”. “Clothes” Azula said appearing “you need to look nice for the firelord’s presentation tonight, the servants will choose what you are to wear and help you to get ready”. “Because I am incapable of doing that myself?” you asked and Azula glared. “Because this is too important an alliance to fail, you have no idea about fire nation customs or our traditions so if I were you i’d take every slither of help I could get...”. Azula backed away from you and went to leave but you weren’t done. “The dai li, where have you sent them? Tell me or I won’t go near any of these outfits”. Azula rolled her eyes “I have taken some for my personal protection but others will be deployed however I see fit”. You shook your head worried for the guards that had left their families because you said to. “I want to have some with me, I want them to be alternated regularly so I might make sure they are being treated well”. Azula glared “you are not in the position to bargain with me”. “Am I not?” you asked “you’re smart but you know if anything happens to me...if word gets back to the dai li or to Ba Sing Sei....your alliance falls away, what would your father think of that?”. You’d picked up on Azula’s fear of her father and felt bad using it on her but given what she’d done to your people you thought it fair. The servants all paused at the mention of Ozai and looked at you with obvious astonishment you’d dare test the princess but you didn’t care. If you were so important as Azula claimed she couldn’t touch you. With visible effort Azula’s shoulders lowered and she met your eyes. “I will see to it you always have a guard of four and they will rotate monthly, now is that all?” she asked sarcastically. You nodded your head and Azula strode from the room pushing over a servant that couldn’t get out of her way fast enough.
You unsurprisingly couldn’t rest and the ball came quicker than you expected. Before you knew it you were poked and prodded into a traditional earth kingdom dress nobody even wore anymore and thrust into the middle of the fire nation nobility. You were forced to sit by the firelord’s side for the duration of a large feast where he basically paraded you around as a trophy. He claimed you were allies working to strengthen your kingdom but you were a prisoner. Pretending to not be livid was hard and you took solace hoping your people were safe at least. That’s all that mattered.
Azula’s POV
"I feel sorry for her" Ty Lee sighed watching you “she looks so...awkward”. Azula glanced over to you and realised her friend was right. Despite looking every bit the beautiful exotic princess with a wide smile on your face your eyes were betraying you. You were miserable. “Well duh” Mai replied “do you think she’s happy to be here?”. The nobles had all certainly taken to you but Azula guessed that hadn’t helped. You were dressed in traditional earth kingdom clothes and primped like a delicate thing to sit in a display case. Azula noted you did look radiant and beautiful but you had been just as stunning when she first saw you in trousers and a loose tunic only that’d hadn’t looked half as forced. This, with your hair twisted up into an odd position and a corset squeezing you into a ridiculous shape, didn’t look like you at all...just a basic princess of the earth nation.
Azula watched as her father leant in to say something to you and you flinched away repulsed. You were still smiling but it was very clear you detested him. Her father either didn’t notice or didn’t care and he kept his close proximity to you. Azula thought it unwise for her father to keep pushing you, she wasn’t sure how long it’d be before you earth bent his chair away from you for coming close to you. Azula supposed that would be bad for appearances so made her way to her father. “Father” she said bowing “may I make a suggestion?”. Ozai nodded and she moved closer. “Perhaps if y/n could move around the room...people could see her better and it would look like more of an alliance, I could show her around if you liked?” she whispered. Ozai thought before nodding “yes that is a good idea”. Azula nodded and went to step towards you when Ozai cut her off “Zuko” he said turning to his son further down the table. Zuko jumped up and rushed over “yes father?”. “Y/n wishes to stretch her legs, take her for a walk around the room, give her a whole tour of the palace if you wish just make sure everyone sees the two of you together” he said pointedly. Zuko lowered his eyes and nodded “yes father”. You had evidently overheard and stood up as soon as Zuko looked at you. You rushed away from Ozai so quickly Zuko followed you in a daze.
Mai’s POV
Azula returned to Mai and Ty lee and she she evidently noticed Mai’s expression. “I didn’t mean for that to happen...”. “No, I knew it was only a matter of time before your father put his plan in place” Mai sighed. There were already chatters about you and Mai knew Ozai was anxious to assimilate you into the fire nation. An obvious and simple way would be to link your blood line to theirs and given you were only one year younger, you and Zuko seemed the obvious option. “I told you that won’t happen” Azula said sharply “she’s a princess she won’t be sold off like cattle”. “You sure about that?” Mai asked as the whole room followed you and Zuko with their eyes, whispers breaking out everywhere. Mai wasn’t so sure Azula was right this time. A marriage would so neatly tie up this whole business, any children you had would have claim to both the fire and earth nation meaning the fire nation could legitimately take over half the four nations. With you help Ozai wouldn’t even have to wipe the earth kingdom out, he’d more than double his population and reach an insane amount of power. Mai couldn’t see how he would resist that and so watched you warily.
Your POV
You’d only been in the fire nation a day but you were painfully aware of Ozai’s plan for you and so you were wary of Azula’s brother but honestly he seemed just as scared as you. He led you outside in silence, past all the people who muttered just loud enough for you to hear. He stopped at a balcony in full view of them all and silence settled. You were aware he probably also knew what his father had planned and were pleased he also seemed opposed to it. “So...how do you like the fire nation?” he asked awkwardly and you paused. “I honestly don’t know what to make of it, I haven’t been let out of my room all day so I haven’t had much chance to look around”. Zuko looked at you awkwardly “ow”. “Ow” you agreed and silence settled. Finally Zuko sighed “look I have to mention it...I know what my father has planned as do you...but I didn’t ask him for it and I won’t be speeding up the process I can assure you...er no offence”. You smiled surprised at his honesty “none taken, it’s a relief to hear you say that...no offence”. Zuko smiled dryly and silence settled again. You were confused by what Zuko had said though, why was he acting like he didn’t have a say? You were a prisoner but he was a prince, why didn’t he just tell his father no? “Not to sound rude but can’t you do something about it?” you asked suddenly and Zuko jumped. “Me? what makes you think I can do anything?”. “Well you’re the first born and the future king! Can’t you...refuse or something?”. Zuko laughed “things must’ve worked differently in your kingdom but here...lets just say speaking out against my father isn’t an option”. You frowned disheartened and Zuko touched his scar nervously before sighing “we should move around, my father wants them to see you...”. Zuko led you back into the party and you felt like a show dog being paraded around. You followed him dutifully until Azula appeared. “Princess Y/n” she said nodding to you “brother” she said sharply to Zuko “father has retired”. Zuko looked up and sure enough Ozai’s throne was empty. “He has?”. “Clearly” Azula snapped before turning to you “all he asked is that you stay at the party until the end but that does not mean you have to spend it with my brother, I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone” Azula smirked. You smiled without meaning to but immediately felt bad for Zuko. The prince scoffed and barged past his sister most unimpressed and Azula laughed. “Not the most charismatic” she told you “but then we can’t all be so lucky to be blessed with people skills”. “You have people skills?” you asked and Azula narrowed her eyes, “just because I wasn’t trained to be a pretty smiley princess like you doesn’t mean I can’t handle people, i’m very good at getting what i want...you’re proof of that”. “Me?” you asked confused and Azula smirked “do you think you’d be here if I didn’t want you here?” and walked away leaving you confused.
1 week later
You soon realised you’d been premature to complain about your treatment on your first day in the fire nation. The day after the party you were awoken early and forced to dress and show your face around the fire nation nobles. Then you were drilled incessantly by some twin women about everything fire nation. The correct titles to use, who you must bow to, how you must style your hair....the list was endless and the women cruel and harsh. Your days were spent being prodded around by them, your evenings been paraded around whatever formal event was being thrown and the fire nation seemed to have an endless amount of events to prove their honour and pride. You soon caught on that the events were merely a way for Ozai to force you and Zuko in proximity to one another and so in response you tried avoiding the prince as much as was humanly possible. In truth you had nothing against Zuko, he seemed fine but you didn’t want to encourage any more contractual alliances, a marriage least of all. The only good thing about the situation was Zuko wasn’t the only fire nation royalty around. Strangely Princess Azula had been...helpful in that respect. Anywhere Zuko could go so could Azula, so anytime Ozai demanded Zuko go somewhere just so he could force you to do the same, Azula would also show up. So what would’ve turned into a date was just a royal outing. Even tonight, the fire lord had purposefully attempted to seat you and Zuko at the centre of the table. Azula had swiftly placed herself in the centre instead, both of you blocked by her and you found it rather entertaining. She was definitely the brains of the fire nation and for whatever reason she did not support a union between you and her brother.
Azula was oddly the member of the royal family you saw the most. On your “royal outings” you and Zuko largely ignored one another and with Azula and Zuko not getting on, it would be the two of you trading quips or light insults at one another all day. She’d also regularly appear in your schooling sessions too and when she did the women were a lot nicer to you. They obviously wanted to impress the princess and needed you to do that so went from shrieking furies to kind old women. You began to look forward to Azula’s visits in your lessons and found her presence oddly comforting in certain situations, like the formal events. Nobody dared approach you when Azula was next to you and it was refreshing. In her presence you were protected from the stares and rude behaviour of the fire nation nobels who had gotten bolder with their behaviour to you. Zuko would just look away but Azula would directly challenge anyone who showed you disrespect. She claimed it was because disrespect to you was disrespect to the fire lord but you weren’t so sure...there was something oddly endearing deep down in the princess. You didn’t see it often but when you did...you liked it.
But Azula wasn’t often vulnerable and you more often saw the harsher side of her, especially if she was in a bad mood and particularly if you were too. The two of you would clash and after a hard day of training you suspected the same could happen tonight. You’d had a bad day from being summonded to oversee the contract of your alliance you had no control over to the painful dress you’d been placed in tonight but the worst bit was Azula hadn’t shown up to your training session like she did every week and your teachers had taken it out on you. So you were already slightly miffed at her when she sidled up beside you in the throne room.
You were stood watching the other nobles lost in thought and clear confusion showed on your face. "What’s wrong with you...never been to a party before?" Azula asked. "Not one like this" you admitted and glanced at Azula. You were annoyed to see she looked nice (as always) but she was constantly dressed so formally. You hadn’t once seen her in normal clothing and it seemed as if the fire nation lived in formal wear. “So what’s with the face?” Azula asked jolting you out of your theory. "Is there no dancing in the fire nation? I’ve been here over a week and not once has anyone danced at any of these things" you said dismissively and Azula smirked "you like to dance?". You shrugged "my uncle loved it as did Bosco...it was infectious everyone would get up and dance too" you smiled at the memory "but here nobody seems to do much smiling or laughing…do you know how?". Azula narrowed her eyes "maybe if your city focused less of bears and parties it wouldn’t be ours now". You’d provoked her with your comment but you hadn’t meant to make her so angry. You’d learnt her temper could be far more fragile than your own but you were sick of appeasing it. She needed some to snap back at her and you’d give it her. You sighed deeply and glared "don’t pretend you won on merit alone you got lucky...the avatar gone, long feng over thrown, it wasn’t all your talent that won you the city and what was the point of it all anyway? Even with my city the fire nation’s still a miserable place. Nobody here seems happy or to like each other. That’s probably why you focus so much on other nations but what happens when you've conquered the world and you’re all left to your unhappy selves? At least we were happy on our own could the fire nation say the same?".
Azula’s POV
You turned and strode away before Azula could reply and she slammed her drink down in response. How dare you get the last word! It angered Azula so much she tried looking for you to continue the argument but couldn’t seem to find you. She was sure you’d disappeared on purpose and that made her even angrier. You were so spirited and had such a sharp tongue, it matched hers and that infuriated her. She had to admit you were similar to her in many respects and that made her both interested and agitated by you. "Princess Azula" a servant called and Azula snapped "what?" she yelled and the man cowered "your father wishes to speak to you and your brother...before the contract signing with princess y/n tomorrow". Azula straightened and ignored the people looking at her. She made her way to Ozai’s throne room and was annoyed to see she was the last one there. "Ah finally" her father called and Azula resisted the urge to point out if he’d have told her earlier she’d have been on time. "The contract is all drawn up, we will present it to y/n tomorrow. AIl the agreed terms are there plus an added clause for us". "What sort of clause?" Zuko asked and Ozai glanced at him "a clause that ensures y/n will always be of use to us". Azula found said clause and tensed, the clause basically signed your life over to the fire lord, he could use you however he saw fit. This meant Ozai could do whatever he wanted to you and it would be part of your alliance. Azula knew exactly what her father had in mind and he was stood across from her. Zuko looked at Azula confused as she stared at him and Zuko went to say something before she looked away. "It all seems to be in order why don’t i take it to her tonight?". Ozai shook his head "no it needs to be overseen by officials so there can be no question of it’s legitimacy". "We have a room full of them, i can get it sorted for you by tonight why wait for tomorrow?". Ozai frowned before nodding "why not" and handed it to her. Azula nodded in relief and clutched the document to her chest "i will return for you to sign it after y/n has" and she set out to find you.
1 hour later
Two dai li agents and two fire nation nobles gathered as your witnesses. You and Azula stood beside one another as she explained the terms to you. Hearing her voice made you angry again so you just sighed "give it here". Azula paused "but i haven’t finished". "I don’t care i know what we agreed to and i know the fire nation is stubborn so you obviously put it all in there, i read it before i don’t need to read it now". Azula shrugged and handed it over. You signed it and managed not to flinch as you saw your name printed on the line. "Done" you said "i’m officially fire nation property". Azula didn’t reply, she stared at the contract her mind clearly elsewhere. "Azula?" you asked and she looked at you "what?". "I was saying...never mind, can i leave?". Azula nodded her head "yes" and she sushed from the room.
That night
You were still moping in your room unable to get any sleep when you heard yelling. Your room was annoyingly close to the firelord’s and so you could hear when he was in a mood and that was often. However this one seemed particularly bad. You heard many feet running past your room to his study and frowned. You opened your down and called to one of your guards “what’s going on with the fire lord?”. The guard frowned "i shouldn’t say princess". "Is it bad?" you asked as doors slammed shaking the palace "can you tell me that at least?". The man frowned and you looked at him, he was one of your dai li, a man named Guomir that you had known since you were a child. “Guomir please?” you asked. You kept your gaze on him and he eventually sighed rolling his eyes “okay but don’t tell anyone I told you”. You smirked and gestured for the him to come into your room. He shut the door and turned to you “If the rumours are to be believed it is in relation to your treaty". "What" you cried "but i haven’t done anything, i signed exactly where they told me to". "There was a hidden clause it seems and fire lord Ozai thinks you betrayed him over it". "Hidden clause?" you asked "but i didn’t even write the contract!". "Yes but he thinks you have wormed your way to those who did, it has ruined his plans for you". "What clause is it?". "A marriage clause, it prevents your marriage to the prince of the fire nation permanently".
You were called to the throne room an hour later despite the time and you walked in with your head held high. You saw the two officiates who had been there when you signed the contract and neither of them dared to meet your eye. They stood close to the princess Azula terrified and you were sure they both figured you were doomed and you supposed you were. You’d been summoned so abruptly you knew this wouldn’t be good but you surprisingly weren’t scared. You kept your head up as a few more people appeared in the room and then the doors were sealed shut. The fire lord entered and you managed not to jump as he slammed the door. "Lets not waste time, do you wish to confess?" Ozai barked at you. You stared at him and shook your head "i had no part of this, i signed where you told me to sign". "So you expect me to believe as the only person to gain from this you didn’t do it?". "She didn’t" someone spoke up and you froze. "I added it" Azula said simply. There was silence and then suddenly Ozai reacted. “Leave us” he yelled and you saw Azula flinch despite her brave face. The men filled from the room leaving you, Azula and Ozai. "Azula! You know what this marriage could’ve done, why did you do this?". "Because y/n is more use to us than as Zuko’s wife, she is a princess and we have her loyalty, we don’t need to hand too". Ozai rolled his eyes "but whoever else she marries has claim to the earth empire that could sway her loyalties. A marriage would’ve fixed that". "No it never would’ve ensure her loyalty and actually could’ve resulted in the opposite. The earth kingdom would know her and Zuko didn’t fall in love within a week, they’d see you were selling her off like cattle and we could’ve lost the city. We have her contractual word, we do not need anything else". “If she ever shows questionable loyalty” Ozai yelled in Azula’s face “I won’t just banish you, your fate won’t be that kind...do you understand?”. “Yes father” Azula said and she stared at the ground. Ozai pushed her and stormed from the room. You watched as Azula unclenched her fists and her hands shook in fear. She was terrified of her father and she risked his wrath for what possible reason?
You intended to find out but Azula didn’t seem keen on sticking around. “Azula” you called but she strode from the room following her father. Nobody telling you not to, you rushed after her calling her name. You caught her arm and she pushed you away “leave me alone I saved you what else do you want from me?”.  "An explanation, why did you do it?" you asked angrily "what do you want in return". "In return?" Azula asked confused and you nodded "well you don’t strike me as a person who does anything without expecting something in return. You must want payment". Azula’s angry expression relaxed and she looked at you "you're right i don't act for no reason but i do not expect payment actually". Your jaw dropped and it took you a few seconds to form a sentence "but....why?". Azula smiled and went to walk away. "No” you said grabbing her arm “please don’t...you’re the reason i’m here but you’re also the only one who acknowledges me and not just as someone to sell off...just tell me why you did it”. Azula brushed your hands off her and carried on walking. You sighed in defeat when suddenly she looked back “are you coming or not?”. You smirked and rushed after her.
Azula led you around the palace grounds and you stared like a tourist. You’d not been allowed free reign of the palace and so this was the most you’d seen of it. You were happy to walk in silence but Azula seemed to want to answer your last question. "I don’t agree with arranged marriages" she said suddenly "my father’s first attempt to arrange one for me was when i was 12, he said he would wait a few years of course but he was still planning it all out" she spat "so i made him a deal, if i finished at the academy with the best record anyone had ever seen, beating any man or woman who came before, he would postpone his plans. He agreed smugly and i smashed every single record ever set in this nation" Azula grinned "he never brought up the marriage again". You laughed "that’s amazing...how did you do it?". "I guess i’m just the best the fire nation has ever seen" Azula boasted and you found yourself agreeing "you must be...that or you’re the most determined one to ever exist. Either way that’s impressive". Azula stared at you as you said that making you blush at her smirk. "I know" she replied and you realised you’d reached the corridor of your apartments "it is late you should retire”. You nodded your head unable to meet her eye and Azula smiled “goodnight princess". She bowed never taking her eyes off you until she had to and when she did you felt cold. The princess may be hard to read but she was making things interesting. She was quickly becoming your favourite thing about this damn nation and something told you that wouldn’t be changing any time soon...
-----
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drcalmreid · 3 years
Text
friends - s.r. (pt. 2/2)
pairing: spencer reid x female reader
summary: pure angst -  friends with benefits always ends up with one person scorn out of jealousy...and in this case, it’s spencer. especially when he sees you flirting with one of his BAU partners. (pt. 2/2)
content warning: consumption of alcohol, indication of sex (no smut!), mention of narcotics/psychological disorders
word count: 5.1k // part one
authors notes: yall know the drill….lyrics = indicate a flashback!! Make sure you read part 1 first! :)
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YOUR POV
“JJ, will you get a look at these two…I don’t know which one I’m in love with more.” Penelope squeals, bouncing back and forth on her neon pink heels. I roll my eyes and give her a playful shove, but continue dancing near Luke. Luke smiles his model-status grin and moves to the music pulsing through the bar.
“Jesus, Pen! How much have you drank?” JJ smiles as she reaches the dancefloor yet again. I look over JJ’s shoulder to see Reid, blank stare locked on the dance floor, his fingers swirling around in the condensation on the table. Spencer blinks quickly as our eyes meet and he shakes his head, looking down again at the table.
“How much I have drank is irrelevant,” Penelope yells over the music and takes another sip from her half-filled drink, most of which has ended up on the dance floor.
“I think it's pretty relevant,” Emily chuckles, as Tara smiles in agreeance.
“I mean, c’mon! Look at them!” She raises a finger at Alvez and I, but I shake my head at her attempts to play cupid. I spin to face Luke and pull him closer to me, “Wanna give her a show?” He tilts his head, processing my words as I smile at him.
“(y/n),” Luke grins. “I’m extremely uncoordinated. I’m barely dancing as is.”
“I think you’re doing just fine,” I say, wrapping my arm around him. The alcohol in my system, anger, confusion, and overall emotions combine and push my confidence to an absurd level. I feel as if I’m watching myself from the outside as I dance with Luke. He throws his head back in a smooth laugh as I spin against him. I move my hips steadily and lead Luke’s hands around my waist; I rest my head on his chest as our bodies sync to one another.
“Oh my god, they’re really going for it.” Tara gawks through laughs and Emily throws invisible dollars in our direction. Penelope fans herself as if it will cool her down as JJ raises her eyebrows and chews on the end of her straw, casually trying to look over her shoulder at our table, but I know she’s watching Spencer. I just can’t let him in, I can’t. I did that once and I ruined everything. I still don’t even know how, but I did. So if I keep dancing, keep drinking, keep moving, I won’t be able to stop and think. And rethink. And think again and again, replaying every memory of the time I spent with Spencer. My hazey eyes lift from the grimy club floor just in time to see Spencer bolt up from the booth and out the bar doors.  
All of your friends have been here for too long
They must be waiting for you to move on
“I love you,” the words slip out of my mouth like silk and I shoot my eyes open in the dark hotel room. Fuck. My sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion have made me become a love-struck puddle in his arms. “Spencer,” I whisper among the darkness, but there’s no answer. Thank God. Of course I love Spencer. I always have. The last four months have been some of the best of my life, but we both agreed that we wouldn’t place pressure on ourselves and keep everything private...but private means bottled up, and my bottle’s full. Hell, it’s overflowing. We’ve spent endless nights together, limbs tangled together, Spencer’s finger combing through my hair, or my hands running through his curls as he lays on my chest, his fingers tracing my sides. Tonight, Spencer breathes heavily beside me as sleep consumes him. More times than not Spencer falls asleep before I do, and I can’t help but think he’s able to because we’re together and finally comfortable and peaceful after the most physically and mentally draining days. Spencer releases a long breath and squeezes me tighter, as if I’m going to slip out of his grip and he’ll never hold me like this again.
-
The morning comes sooner than I’d hoped as I open my eyes to an empty bed and bright sun rays pouring through the cheap hotel curtains. I rub my face with my palm as my words come back to me. They echo in my head, bouncing off the inside of my skull...I love you, I love you, I love you. I realize now that I said it because I truly do love him, but admitting that to myself (let alone Spencer) complicates our non-relationship relationship even more than I thought possible. So, instead I shake my limbs and stand from the bed, shoving the memory of last night into a new bottle of emotions. “Spence?” I call out into the room, but there’s only silence on the other end. I walk in and out of the bathroom to no sign of the Doctor before I spot the hotel notepad on the side table. “Went in early to see if I could get some more files from the local PD, trying a new perspective. Didn’t want to wake you. -Dr. Spencer Reid”. I put down the cheap notepad and chuckle at his signature, even signing a note for his friend is formal and properly scripted...typical. I pull on my usual clothes for a long day of profiling and step out into the hotel hallway.
“Morning,” a voice chirps from behind me.
“Jesus! Luke!” I say startled and swat his chest. “Scared the shit out of me. You’re lucky I didn’t pull my gun on you.”
“Eh,” he pulls on the strap of his bag as we walk towards the elevators. “I would have been fine.”
“Oh your ego is that big that you think you’d survive a shot to the chest?”
“No no no, I didn’t say that,” he smiles as the elevator doors slide open. “I just know you’re an awful shot.”
“Oh fuck you,” I chuckle and slap his arm. He grins at me with a cocky look but doesn’t say anything else. The elevator glides downstairs and opens again in the lobby. The two of us climb into the BAU’s black SUV and head back to the local offices for the rest of our long day.
-
Once we arrive, I spot Spencer instantly as he sits cross legged on a wide wooden folding table. Files and folders are scattered across all parts of the floor as well as his lap as he stares ahead at the whiteboard in front of him. He glances down a few times, scanning over the pages he has, but turns his head in our direction as soon as Luke and I approach the room.
“After you,” Luke winks as he holds the door open for me. I roll my eyes at him but walk through the door into the glass-walled conference room. “What? No, thank you?”
“Nope,” I say as I sit down at the table, opening up my bag. “Not after you insulted me this morning.”
Spencer sits up straighter as if his body involuntarily responded to my words.
“(Y/n), I would never insult you,” Luke says as he takes the chair next to me. “I like you too much.”
Spencer clears his throat and keeps his eyes fixed straight ahead, but I know he’s listening.
“Besides,” Luke leans down to whisper in my ear. “It’s a lot more fun to mess with you.”
“I’m going to get a coffee, you guys want anything?” Spencer says abruptly and hops off the edge of the table, but he’s out the door before we can even answer.
“Morning to you too,” I comment as the door slams closed.
[Boy], I'm not with it I'm way too far gone
I'm not ready, eyes heavy now
“Spence?” I choke out as I watch him lean against the brick wall. His tie is mangled in his hands as his chest rises and falls quicker than normal. “Are you okay? I saw you run out, I-”
“I’m fine, (y/n).” He spits back at me.
“Are you sure?”
“I said I’m fine.”
“Alright, well if you’re fine, then I’ll leave you,”
“Do you like him?...Luke. Do you like Luke?”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean- it seems like you do.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, you- you just were dancing and-”
“Oh my god. You’re jealous. Spencer, seriously?”
“I’m sorry that I can’t see you with other guys, it’s not fair for me to watch that. I can’t, (y/n).”
“Well...that’s not really my problem is it? You told me to, let’s see...how did you put it?” I glance up at the sky as if I’m trying to remember the exact words he used, but it’s all for show. I’ll never forget his words. They’re branded into me like a filthy scar on my heart. So I swallow my pride and turn the words right back at him, “ ‘Get over my feelings because we’re not together’? I believe that’s what you said.”
“(y/n), I-”
“Spencer, please just don’t say anything else. You’ve said enough. Just so we’re clear. None of this is fair, and I can dance with whoever I want.”
I step inside the bar yet again and practically sprint back to the group, desperately searching for the team. Luke spots me first and rushes towards me.
“Hey, hey,” he grabs both of my arms and squats down to get to my eyeline as I stare down at the floor. I try my best to push back the tears building up, but they’re becoming too much. “Are you okay?”
“I have to get out of here.”
“What did he say to you?” Luke gently asks.
“Nothing,” I mumble and wipe my eye with the back of my hand. “I just, I just need to go.”
“Okay,” he rubs my arms. “Let’s get you out of here.”
The next thing I know, I’m placed inside Luke’s car as he clips my seatbelt and I stare straight ahead, completely numb from everything. Tears continue to roll down my cheeks as Luke drives in silence. He coughs for a split second before turning to look at me, “I was going to drop you off at home, but I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“What do you mean like this?” I bite back and wipe my eyes with the edges of my fingers. “Shit, sorry Luke, I didn’t mean that.” I laugh and look at my mascara covered hands. “Obviously you meant like this,” I say gesturing towards my awful appearance. Luke chuckles lightly and glances over at me quickly before fixing his eyes back to the road.
“C’mon let’s go to my place first and then I’ll drop you off later.”
Normally I respond with some sarcastic comment and insist on going home, but honestly I’m too drained to even fight. So I nod slowly and stare out the window watching the passing cars.
Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now
Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now
I'm not ready, eyes heavy now
The elevator door chimes and opens itself into the BAU offices. We all step out of the elevator calling out goodbyes for the night. Spencer heads towards his desk, as I follow closely behind. Ever since Luke and I came into the local PD offices two days ago, he’s been different. Spencer stayed in his own room our last night at the hotel, claiming he “fell asleep reading” but I know he was lying. Quickly, I pack my things into my go bag and get ready to leave, my own bed calling my name. I glance around and spot my teammates scattered across the bullpen: Penelope back in her bat-cave, Luke’s got his head down in a stack of files, Tara and JJ headed directly out the door headed home, Emily climbing the stairs to her office with Rossi shortly behind.
I inch closer to Spencer’s desk casually and lean against it to whisper to him, “hey”
“Hi.” He responds, keeping his eyes down on the book in front of him. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the damn thing since we got on the plane. He was so enchanted by this book that he sat down opposite to me on the plane, rather than side-by-side. He just seems so….off. I can’t figure out what it is exactly, but he’s not the same. All our small gestures are gone—and I don’t want to overreact because it’s only been two days, but Spencer isn’t like this.
“Did you want to grab dinner? I’m starving,” I smile, trying my best to lighten the mood.
“Not hungry,” he coolly responds, with his head still down.
“Well, I am...so you—”
“So go get dinner, (y/n). Seems like a pretty simple answer.”
“I was waiting for you,” I say and he rolls his eyes, but doesn’t respond. I stand next to his desk awkwardly for a moment before Luke breaks my attention away. He shuffles all his things into his bag and slings it over his shoulder, “g’night guys.”
“Night, Luke,” I smile and he exits the office. Spencer releases a stifled groan and tries to cover it with a cough.
“What was that for?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. Spencer finally looks up from his book and shrugs. “Spencer, what?” I ask again and he frowns slightly, turning back down to his pages again. I shake my head at him and grab my bag from the edge of his desk and pull it over my shoulder.
“Goodnight, Spencer.” I say calmly and walk past his desk but he doesn’t respond, again. I can’t help myself and I actually chuckle at him, “seriously? You’re ignoring me now? What did I do? Did I do something?”
“Nope,” he sternly answers.
“Then why wont you talk to me?”
“We’re talking now,” he says, looking up from his desk. Our eyes meet and lock on one another. Neither of us break away from the stare as the tension rises between us.
“That’s not what I meant,” I whisper through gritted teeth. He shrugs again, his eyes unwavering from mine.
“Spencer, what the hell has gotten into you? You barely talked to me the rest of the case and on the jet. We usually talk after rough cases like this to check on each other.”
“Well I’m not your boyfriend, you made that abundantly clear, so I don't really need to keep tabs on you, do I?” Spencer snaps, standing up from his desk chair.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I ask, shaking my head.
“Nothing- I just, we can’t do this anymore,” he rubs his face with his hands and gathers his books off the desk. He walks away from his desk, leaving me standing there stunned. He leaves the bullpen and presses the door to the elevator. The doors slide open and he steps inside. Without a second thought, I run through the office and into the elevator just in time.
“(Y/n), please.” He sighs, while pressing the down button.
“Spencer, just talk to me���”
“(Y/n), we can’t do this anymore because I don’t have feelings for you.”
“What? No—” I shake my head in complete shock and denial. I feel tears forming in my eyes, but I push them away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.
“We’re not on the same page….and I can’t control how you feel but, you need to get over your feelings because we’re not together. This doesn’t work between us, (y/n). Let it go,” Spencer says looking straight ahead as the doors slide open again and he exits through them.
All of your friends have been here for too long
They must be waiting for you to move on
[Boy], I'm not with it I'm way too far gone
I'm not ready, eyes heavy now
“Luke, I’m not telling you what he said!” I protest, sitting cross legged on his couch. I throw a piece of popcorn into my mouth and then toss another in Luke’s direction.
“C’mon (y/n),” he sighs, stretching out his legs across my lap on the couch. “You and I both know how stubborn I am. I’m not giving up, what did Reid say? Do I need to kick his ass?”
“You, Luke Alvez, are the worst,” I laugh at him. “But, I’ll tell you because...well I’m still a little drunk so what the hell.” I sigh and tell him about everything. The details and stories pour out of me as Luke rests his head on his palm watching me talk. He doesn’t say anything, just listens.
“So,” I take a deep breath. “Now you’re caught up. God….Penelope’s gonna kill me when she finds out you know about Reid and I before her.”
He smiles and sits up on the couch, “listen (y/n), I know he’s a textbook genius, but Reid is an idiot. If he doesn’t realize how perfect the two of you are together and how much he loves you then any statistic he knows is useless. You’re too good, for him to be acting like this.”
“Wow,” I grin at him and give him a playful shove. “Look who’s getting sentimental!”
“Alright, forget I said it!” Luke stands up from the couch, throwing his hands up in defeat.
-
“Morning sleepy head,” Luke says, passing me a premade smoothie.
“Shit,” I sit up from the couch and blink my eyes harshly. “I can’t believe I slept here. Sorry, I’m the worst-”
“Hey,” Luke cuts me off. “Stop doing that. You’re fine. I was going to offer you the bed anyway, but you passed out before the movie ended.”
“Thank you, I mean seriously. All jokes aside,” I stand from the couch. “I’m glad you were there.”
“Me too,” he smiles. “Look, I’m not kicking you out either, but do you need a ride home?”
“Shit,” I shake my head. “Penelope and Emily drove me. My keys are at the BAU.”
“So we’ll stop there first.” He grabs his keys off the entrance table.
“Seriously, Luke,” I reach out and hug him around the waist. “Thank you.”
-
“So you and Reid…” Luke turns into the BAU parking garage. I shush him and he laughs lightly. “Four months?”
“Four months.” I nod while giving a weak smile.
“And you loved him?” He asks quietly, as if not to scare me.
“Yeah,” I turn to look at him. “I thought I did, but I don’t- I don’t know anymore.” Luke nods again as he pulls into his assigned spot. I open the car door and step on the pavement. The garage is empty besides a few chief cars and our footsteps echo off the walls. It’s a Saturday morning and no one dares to come into the offices unless directly called to...even the FBI needs a weekend sometimes. We walk quietly together through the empty lot and into the section of the building where our offices are located. Luke and I scan our badges and follow the normal protocol just to get inside.
“You really didn’t have to come with me.” I say to Luke as we climb the stairs. “I do work here, I think I would have been okay.”
“And missed you hungover trying to walk up these stairs? No way,” he smirks and continues up the steps. The rest of the time we climb up the stairs I focus solely on trying my best not to think about how awful I feel — both mentally and physically.  My head is spinning from the combination of last night's drinks and Spencer. Fuck, I miss him. Luke snaps me out of my own head when he opens the stairwell door, “You ever think you’re going to talk to him again?”
“I mean we work together-”
“No no,” he laughs. “I meant talk to him, yknow,” Luke raises his eyebrows suggestively with a smirk.
“Why do I tell you things?”
“Because you love me,” Luke sings as he opens the door to our bullpen and we walk through it. I turn back to him and shove his arms.
“Luke, if you don’t stop,” I say as we enter the BAU. I scan the empty desks looking for mine when my eyes rest on a slumped over figure on the desk...not just the desk, but Spencer’s desk. “Oh my god, Spence.”
Heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved
Running in circles, now look what you've done
Give you my word as you take it and run
“Oh my god Spence,” the words tumble out of my mouth before I even realize I’m talking. Spencer turns to face me as I begin talking and his eyes shift between Luke and I. Spencer takes a deep breath in and spins around again in his chair, his back facing us. I clear my throat and scan the room for my keys, and there they sit on the edge of my desk across from Spencer. I shake my head at him and Luke lends down, “you sure you’re gonna be okay?” I smile and give him a weak nod, and Luke responds, “I’ll leave you two.”
“Thanks for everything,” I whisper to him and Spencer’s shoulders tense. Luke leaves the office through the glass doors and silence settles between Spencer and I. I sigh gently and make my way across the room to my desk. Spencer keeps his head down in some files as I reach my desk and grab my keys.
“Walk of shame?” Spencer mumbles, still looking down.
“What did you just say?” I ask feeling the anger build in me.
“I mean,” he snickers. He turns a pen over between his fingers, moving the pen back and forth. “That’s what you’re doing right?”
“You’re ridiculous,” I huff and grab my keys from the table top. Don’t give in to him. I remind myself as I close my eyes and take a deep breath before headed towards the doors. “Have a nice weekend, Spencer.”
“You’re just going to ignore me?” Spencer spins in his chair.
“Easier than having this conversation,” I snap at him.
“So you’re just leaving?” He asks, standing up from the desk.
“No,” I retort. “That’s your job. I’m just going home.”
“Home? Or Luke’s home?” He tilts his head to the side and crosses his arms.
“Are you fucking kidding me…” I shake my head and step away from the doors, getting closer to him. “I didn’t sleep with Luke.” Spencer blinks slowly and swallows hard, but I continue, “and even if I did, why the hell does it matter? We’re not together, so who cares, right?” I practically laugh and cross my arms over my chest. Spencer leans back as if my words physically hit him in the chest. I turn around again, focused on the exit and getting the hell out of here.
“I do.”
“Yeah? And why do you care?” I yell, whipping around to face him.
Spencer runs his hands through his hair and screams, “Because I’m falling in love with you and I can’t stop it!”
Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now
Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now
I'm not ready, eyes heavy now
SPENCERS POV
Love is never what you picture it to be. It’s messy, unpredictable, and hurts like hell. “We accept the love we think we deserve,” Stephen Chbosky once said...and I wish I did not agree with it. The exact moment I realized I was in love with (y/n) took me by surprise, I didn’t even realize what it was at first. I just always believed I wasn’t deserving of love—and no matter where I found it, ultimately it would all be a taunt before I was stripped of it. I realized I loved her on a flight home from a case in Dallas. The unsub was a young male with psychological disorders who was regularly using different narcotics to subdue his victims. Everyone on the case was hyper-sensitive of my relation to the case—Emily even offered for me to stay back home, but against my better judgement I got on the plane. Eventually, the case came to a close fairly quickly (as most do), but not without constant questions and repeated: “you okay?”’s from the rest of my team. Of course I wasn’t okay. (Y/n) and I followed our same routine as we always have for cases; I sneak into her room or she sneaks into mine, we bring each other food and coffee, steal longing glances at one another during profiles. and are just there for the other person. She didn’t ask or pry into my past about my emotions, she just listens to what I have to say and nods along calmly. She even reaches for my leg and hand under the table during a deep discussion of dilaudid, but her eyes never strayed from her papers or whoever was talking. She didn’t want to draw attention to me, but also didn’t want me forgotten. She made me feel normal. Unbroken. Deserving of love. On the flight home she sat down next to me and didn’t ask the baseless question, “are you okay?” instead she just said: “I’m so proud of you.” My heart nearly fell out of my chest when she said it. I didn’t realize the effect she had or the gravity of her words until she said them. I love her. When we finally landed back home, I wanted nothing more than to go to bed holding her and tell her I’m going to protect her from the world and it’s cruel intentions. But I couldn’t. Everything I’ve loved always leaves me, and I can’t let it be real because real means vulnerable. The following days pass by as if in slow motion, but also at the speed of light. Each one not just building up my love for (y/n), but also the walls around my heart. It feels as though I blink and we’re back on the jet for another case. Blink. The team is meeting with the local PD. Blink. We’re in the field with a new victim. Blink. (Y/n) and I are back in our hotel room as she mumbles, “I love you.” Blink. I lose my mind and lose her at the same time. Blink. We’re no longer friends. Blink. She’s moved on and onto Luke. Blink.  I’m screaming my confession of love at her as if we’re in a Shakespearon play. Blink.
Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now
I'm not ready, eyes heavy now
Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now
YOUR POV
“What did you just say?” I ask as my heart rate skyrockets. Spencer stays near his desk, his face showing he’s just as shocked as I am. His gigantic brain must be a complete mess right now. “Spencer, what did—”
“You know what I said,” he takes a deep breath in. “I love you.”
“But—” I choke out.
“I know. I know,” he rubs his face. “I know I told you I didn’t have feelings for you, but I lied.”
“How do I know you aren’t lying now because you’re jealous?” I ask, filled with rage. He shakes his head vigorously and steps closer to me, closing the gap between us. This is the closest he’s been to me in forever. I want to just reach out and melt into him, but I fight back the urge.
“I’m not lying,” he clasps his hands together. I raise my eyebrows and my eyes twitch. “I really do love you.” He reaches out to touch my arm and I step back. I can’t let him in again. At least not this easily. “(Y/n).” He croaks, his voice breaking.
“Do you think I’m that stupid? That I’ve just waited for you to come crawling back?” I ask, my tears stinging my eyes as they roll down my cheeks.
“No, no. Never, I- I never thought that. Ever,” Spencer rushes out.
“Then what is this?” I shake my head, “Because I feel so fucking stupid, Spencer. You left me. You told me you never felt the way I did, and I loved you-”
“I know you did,” he says smoothly. His words stun me, he knew? I step even further back, and I want to keep going and going until I’m out the door. “I heard you, that night in the hotel. When you told me you loved me.” Tears continue to move down my face as his words sink in.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, wiping my face. Spencer steps closer to me, but I don’t move back.
“Because I was scared!” Spencer cries out. “When you said it, I- I felt it of course I did, but I was terrified. When you said you loved me and I knew I loved you...it all became real. Too real,” he sighs. “Everyone that I love, everything I love leaves me. I didn’t want you to leave me.”
“But pushed me away, Spencer.” I shake my head as he steps even closer.
“I know, I screwed up. So badly, (y/n). I’m so sorry,” he reaches out to touch my arms and instead of turning around, I lean into his touch. “If I could go back to that night, I would pull you closer and tell you then, but I can’t. So, I’m telling you now. I love you.” Instead of answering him, I just collapse into his arms completely exhausted. The back and forth, the drinking, the bottling of emotions, the confusion, everything...it’s too much and everything explodes at once. Spencer’s arms wrap around me and holds me up from melting into the floor. He wraps his arms so tightly around my torso and cradles the back of my head with his hands. My hands wrap around him and pull him closer than ever, I take a deep breath in and truly take him in. He’s here. I can’t lose him again.
“(Y/n),” Spencer coos, rubbing my head. I’ve missed him more than anything I’ve ever known.
“I do love you,” I sob and feel Spencer’s heart literally skip a beat. “I always have.”
“You do?” He pulls me away from his chest to look into my eyes. “I didn’t mess this up entirely? I didn’t lose you?” I shake my head no and lift my hands up from his chest and onto the sides of his face. He looks down at me with the kindest eyes. My heart sings and I stand up on my toes, pressing my lips to his. Spencer’s mouth molds into mine perfectly as if we never let one another. His hands squeeze my sides gently and Spencer pulls away smiling. I stroke my thumb across his cheek, whipping away one of his tears. 
“You could never lose me, Spencer.”  
yay! this is finally up!! took me longer than I wanted, but school work got in the way :/ anyway, hope you enjoyed!
masterlist // requests
stay safe & wear a mask!! -m
tags: @rexorangecouny
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aurabird · 2 years
Text
Guidance for Guilt
How does one deal with the guilt and regret they feel when they see the way people look at them? You seek out another that has been in the same situation before.
Also on Ao3
Despite the title, this doesn’t actually have angst in it.
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Sausage went by horseback as he left Mythland, too afraid to even touch the corrupted elytra he once wore for longer than a few seconds let alone wear it again.
The ride through the desert was slow despite the well-worn paths from trade routes, the unrelenting heat miserable for both him and his stead and briefly he debated turning back and borrowing an elytra from someone.
Night fell as the moon took the place of the sun. It was a respite from the heat sure, but out here, night brought a chilling cold. The Mythland king would never understand why anyone would want to live in the desert, and yet one of the largest and most powerful empires was nestled at the heart the said biome.
The Vigil of Pixandria shone like a beacon in the night as if to lead those weary and lost among the dunes to shelter from the elements. Sausage grimaced briefly at the fact that the last time he was there, he’d built a fake embassy and trapped it, the aim to kill the empire’s king. He had been struggling to fight off the corruption then and even though he had the self-awareness to know what he was doing was wrong, he did it anyway.
To be fair, his mind argued, Pix HAD issued a challenge to all that wished to prank him to make sure their attempts were more than a pathetic pitfall trap... so was it really Sausage’s fault if the oracle had asked for something so explosive in the first place?
Sand began to transition granite and brick as Sausage entered the oasis of an empire. The streets weren’t empty, but the citizens of Pixandria that were around spoke in hushed whispers of intrigue at him. They didn’t know who he was, he’d worn his assassins guild attire strictly so that he could hide his face.
After all, he was still technically enemy number one in pretty much every single empire. If the Pixandrians had known who had entered their city, then their reactions probably wouldn’t have been the most welcoming.
He found an inn in the center of this residential area and paid the stable boy the money required to leave his horse there before continuing to the capitol of the empire.
As he entered the familiar area he found it mostly empty, understandably so given how late it was, and took time to look at the Vigil; the colorful candles and lanterns that decorated the are around it just as stunning as the last time he’d been here.
Pix had told him once that the Vigil was for the twelve empires alone since in Pixandrian beleif they all had to exist regardless of what terms they were all on lest the balance of the universe be upset. He shuddered at the realization that if his journey in the spirit realm had ended in failure that he could have caused something far more catastrophic than whatever Xornoth would bring to occur.
Then came sadness at the thought of how many of the recorded deaths were by his own hand? He’d been told of the arena fight, how he’d gone on a murder spree when the corruption took control over him entirely...
"I had a feeling you’d show up eventually.” Came a familiar voice, snapping him out of his thoughts. Sausage turned to face the speaker and found the Copper King himself casually leaning against the wall of a building that looked like a shop of sorts.
Sausage wasn’t surprised that he’d been expected, Pix was a unique individual in the fact that he was an oracle not only with the ability to see deaths seconds before they happened, but he would sometimes get prophetic visions every now and again. He was a wise and kind ruler, albeit with a streak of mischief at times as well. The man no doubt had questions about Sausage’s recent death by Gem’s hand and his delayed respawn, but that’s not why the Mythland king had come to see him.
After the death of the enderdragon, the Copper King had exiled himself in his guilt and regret, heading into the harshness of the desert with almost nothing but the clothes on his back. Signs of his struggle could be seen in the form of scars and burns. This, is why Sausage had come.
“I’m...probably not at the top of your list of people to see right now...but I...I need guidance, Pix. I don’t know how to cope with what I’m feeling.”
Pix gave him a gentle smile, “Come, we’ll discuss it inside.”
The interior of Pix’s abode was something Sausage had only seen once and, at the time, he’d not been in complete control of his body and actions. Now that the haze in his mind was gone, the place was stunning. Sandstone and striped birch made up walls accented with copper. The sandstone and glazed terracotta floor accented with dried honeycomb, desert plants filling pots nestled into corners and on shelves. It was a humble place as opposed to the massive castles and towers of the other empires.
He sat down at an oak table while Pix went off to grab something, returning with a glass of water which Sausage graciously accepted. Pix then sat down opposite of him and spoke "So, since you sit here now, I assume your trip to the spirit realm was successful?“
Of course Pix would know about that, “I think so? I don’t feel corrupted anymore and the haze that used to cloud my mind is gone so...maybe? I...still don’t understand how going there cured me.”
“In Pixandrian beleif, those with damaged souls go there to heal or pass on. Xornoth corrupted yours entirely and when Gem killed you, that’s where you ended up. You were dead to the world for a week, Sausage; the only sign that you were going to come back was because that spirit tether of yours was glowing.”
Sausage pulled the strange object he’d been given by Sir Carlos out and looked at it, “That’s what this thing is called?”
Pix nodded in response, “Most souls that end up in the spirit realm pass on while others get lost and eventually fade away over time. A spirit tether ensures that a soul will find its way back to its body. They are extremely rare so I was surprised to find you had one.”
“A friend gave it to me...I guess I quite literally owe him my life. But my spiritual journey is not why I came here; I see the way everyone looks at me, to them I’m still the servant of evil, Xornoth’s corrupted Champion. I have nightmares of what I’ve done and who I’ve hurt, I have permanent scars to remind me of my mistakes...there’s so much guilt and regret, Pix...I don’t know what to do.”
"Guilt and regret are hard wounds to heal; even now, I still cannot forgive myself for what I did to the enderdragon and, honestly, I don’t think I ever will. Speak with those you wronged, even if they don’t believe you at first. It will take time and effort to fix what has been broken and there will be scarring that remains once the wound heals, but I know you, Sausage, and you’re pretty hard to stay mad at for very long.”
A pained smile crossed Sausage’s mouth at those words, “Even though I’ve caused so much greif and pain?”
"I don’t speak for the others, but the way I see it, if we’re going to stop Xornoth, we need to be united. The sooner we put our quarrels aside, the sooner we can deal with him.”
“Joey is still drunk with power and praise and I’m pretty sure that crown of his is messing with his mind somehow. We need to save him first, Pix, before he’s too far gone for us to do anything.”
Pix nodded, “Agreed. But, for now, you’ve traveled a long way to get here. Why don’t you stay in Pixandria for the night and head off to Mythland to make amends with the others in the morning?”
As if in agreement Sausage yawned, “Alright, thank you Pix, for everything. And...I’m sorry for the embassy trap but you did kinda ask for us to do better pranks.”
A laugh escaped the Copper King at the comment, his brown eyes glinting with mischief, "I did, didn’t I? Well, you know me, my retaliation will be tenfold so I hope you’re ready, Sausage.”
Sausage let out a chuckle and a sly smirk, “Bring it on, Copper King.”
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officialleehadan · 3 years
Text
About Bout
“My lord! Care for a bout, my lord?”
The call surprised Edion, who hadn’t been addressed by any title since his arrival in Reinette’s world. He turned, and discovered that the call had come from a man in armor. Or, well, what would pass for armor in this world. It was formed of thick plastic, and probably would turn a blade reasonably well. The man, however, was not holding live steel.
“It’s a game,” Reinette explained when Edion stopped to see what the armored man was about. “You remember those foam tubes we use for bumpers in some of the tack sheds? “
He did. The foam was more plastic, the odd, mutable material that Reinette’s world used for nearly everything. They served nicely to prevent bumps and scuffs here and there, and worked nicely to keep the doors from slamming. Now that he looked more closely, he could see that the ‘swords’ the armored man held were made of the same foam tubes, likely with a rod of one sort or another to give them some shape.
“Practice swords,” he concluded with interest. “He is offering a match?”
It likely wasn’t fair, that he should take up a blade when he had been trained since he could walk by the finest swordsmasters his royal father could command.
“If you want one,” Reinette said, and rested her head on his shoulder, which pleased him more than he cared to admit, all things considered. “They do historical reenactments so people can see how things looked in our history. I imagine it’s a little like your world in some ways.”
It… wasn’t. Not honestly. The plastic armor bore resemblance to the armor he knew in general form, but real armor moved differently, and wore differently. It had to, to protect against real blades.
But for practice blades, the plastic armor likely did very well indeed.
“I’ve some training,” he told the armored man, mostly to gauge his reaction. Most of the combatants seemed to be children and teenagers, There were a few adults too, who mostly seemed to be trying their luck more at flirtation than swordswork. “My father… believed in a rounded education.”
No one in this world would believe the truth of his life, and he had thought a great deal about how to excuse the skills he had learned in a world apart from this one.
Fortunately, his statement, and likely Reinette’s place by his side as a known performer in he Faire likely clued the man in. He came over and let some of his flamboyant air fade away.
“We do these matches for the kids,” he explained with a wry grin that spoke of years of experience. “It’s all good fun, you know? But we also play with another group that takes this kind of fighting a lot more seriously. I wouldn’t mind putting on a real show, if you’re in the mood.”
“I haven’t my armor.” It was in he truck, according to Reinette, who had admitted to packing it with an eye to finding one of the smiths who might be able to repair his breastplate. The rest was in reasonably good condition, Edion had gone over it with a soft cloth and oil to make sure it suffered no ill effects from his dip in the river. All the same, the breastplate was halfway caved-in, and was nothing near to wearable until it was fixed. Not a cheap proposition, but he and Reinette had been discussing money in her world. “I’m afraid it’s badly in need of a skilled smith, and I haven’t the skill.”
That caught the man’s attention. “You have armor? What sort?”
“Plate and chain,” Edion said, baffled by the sudden interest. “But the breastplate took… rather a bad blow. It isn’t wearable.”
“Metal?”
“Yes.”
The man offered a hand to shake. “I’m Albert, but everyone calls me Bertie. You got that armor with you?”
“I do,” Edion said, completely baffled now, but he shook Bertie’s hand. “My name is Edion. Do you know a smith who might be able to help?”
“I am a smith who might be able to help,” Bertie said cheerfully and waved at one of the other men in armor. “Troll, I’m taking a break. Be back in an hour or so.”
The man he called to, short, red-headed, and carrying a huge foam hammer, waved back but didn’t reply. Then again, he was surrounded by a whole pack of giggling children, so his attention was rather occupied. Break secured, Bertie ducked under the rope barrier and passed his foam weapon off to a woman who waited nearby.
“”Love working with the kids, but that heat is brutal in full armor,” Bertie said once he had stripped off his armor and left it on a stand out of the way. Beneath it, he wore a simple cotton gambeson that was comfortingly familiar in design. He waited until they were out of sight behind the row of tents before he stripped that off too and dumped a bucket of water over himself with a sigh. “So, what’s wrong with your armor? I assume it’s not a matter of a few broken straps, or you’d have fixed it yourself.”
“I took a blow to the chest,” Edion said cautiously after a glance down at Reinette, who nodded him onward. “The breastplate is caved in about the ribs. I believe it could be repaired, but I’ve neither the skill, nor the equipment.”
It wasn’t far to Reinette’s truck, and Edion lifted the plastic crate of armor down out of the back so Bertie could take a look t it. As soon as he opened the crate, Bertie let out a low, impressed whistle and leaned in.
“You know,” he said after some thought, and a careful examination of Edion’s ruined breastplate. “I thought I was seeing things. Lots of people in this world have fine steel, and some of them know how to use it. Not so uncommon in the Faire circuit, anyway. But see, every now and then, something turns up. So I’ve got a question for you. It’s a strange one, and if I’m wrong, we’ll say I was in the sun too long.”
“Alright,” Edion agreed cautiously. It almost seemed like Bertie was coming at a point. A tingle down his spine felt almost like magic. “I’ll hear your question.”
Bertie got a strange smile on his face, and looked down at the breastplate in his hands. The one that bore the symbol of Edion’s royal family, visible even through the deep dent.
“How long,” Bertie asked slowly in a language Edion thought he might never hear again, “Have you been in this world?”
+++
Sent Beyond:
Her farm is at stake. His country is at war. Their worlds couldn’t be more different, until a mysterious portal drops him into her bedroom, and changes their lives for good.
Unspoken Words
The Sign of a Healer
Two Words Shared (Subscriber Only!)
Of Horses (Free on Patreon!)
Wish to Stay (Subscriber Only!)
Wish to Ride  (Subscriber Only!)
Faire Dance
+++
More Stories!
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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years
Text
Compliment Battle ~ Lee Felix [Request]
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↬↬↬Word Count: 1.8k
↬↬↬Genre: Fluffy!!!
↬↬↬Pairing: Lee Felix X Latina!Reader
↬↬↬A/n: Hope this is okay for you love! Had a lot of fun writing for the guys as I feel like I haven’t written fluff for them in a while! I promise to write more once my requests are down!
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The press was good at over exaggerating things whenever they could, it was what they did all of the time you knew and everyone else knew it too but knowing it was different when you were reading something about yourself. Another day another dumb article from one of the online magazines that everyone seemed to adore so much, always sharing it with one another despite the contents either being completely made up or turned on their head so they were no longer facts. You laid awake while Felix was asleep beside you, he'd gotten in late with Chan last night so you weren't about to wake him up and show him yet another article about your relationship. The only reason you were up so early was because of the sun peeking through the blinds in the window which Jeongin had neglected to shut - again - the night before. Through every muscle in your body, you slowly and quietly got out of the bottom bunk of the bed and walked towards the door - being careful not to trip on any of Jisung's clothes as you went, he told you the reason they were on the floor was that it kept things organised for him, you would have accepted the excuse as well if the boy didn't wear the same four shirts over and over again. You'd been staying over at the dorms while you came to visit Felix for a couple of weeks, trying not to get in the way while they trained and got things ready for STAY.
"You okay?" A voice called out as you silently shut the door behind you, your hand landed on your chest to calm your heart that was now pounding against your chest thanks to Chan who was sitting in the kitchen. He'd heard someone waking up and he knew it wasn't going to be any of the boys - not yet anyway, he placed is earbuds down onto the table and stared at you waiting for an answer.
"Yeah, I was going to take a shower. You slept yet?" Stupid question. He'd probably been sitting in the kitchen working from his laptop all night - you knew all of the boys like the back of your hand since you met them when Felix did. Chan eyed you up, he could already tell there was something on your mind by the way you were avoiding his eyes and holding yourself up. Your arms were folded across your chest to block out any body language to give yourself away but in doing so it gave it away that something was wrong.
"I'll make a drink, sit down and tell me about it." You sighed you hated how well he knew people, how quickly he could decipher when something was wrong with someone but at the same time you did love him for it. It was like having a caring older brother there to watch out for you, even if you were older than him Chan would still feel like the older brother type. He flicked the kettle on while he watched you from the corner of his eye, you were sitting at the table while nervously playing with the sleeves of Felix's hoodie you'd worn to bed.
"What is it?" He questioned, he'd made you a drink then set it down in front of you while he waited for you to speak about whatever it was that was bothering you. You knew that Chan and the boys had had their fair share of press coverage both negative and positive but you didn't know how to bring it up with Chan without him running to Felix. It wasn't something you wanted to bother anyone with but it was starting to bother you to the point where you dreaded going online. The constant sprew of articles being written about you was insane, you would have thought they'd have better things to do than write about you and your relationship but apparently not.
"Have you seen the articles?" You could already tell by the dejected look on his face that he'd seen them already and you groaned laying your head down onto the cold wooden table. It was cold enough to relieve some of the tension headache you had but it wasn't enough to completely pass it away.
"It's every time I come to visit, they seem to pick up more and somehow get worse." You whispered looking up at him through your arms to see him giving you a sad smile. You had been visiting the boys a lot more than you used to since dating Felix and since your relationship was outed to everyone. Once it was out you and Felix saw no reason to hide that you were together anymore and continued life as normal together.
"They have to talk about something and unfortunately it's not always good." Your mind flashed back to all of the articles talking about you, how you didn't fit the 'Korean Beauty Standards' and that you were different to who they wanted Felix to date - as if it was down to them anyway. Felix could date whoever he wanted and you were lucky enough that he chose you  - though he'd convinced you that he was the lucky one to be able to date you.
"I'm going to go and shower, thanks for the coffee," You whispered taking the mug with you as you headed for the main bathroom of the dorms, it had the largest shower which would make you feel better after the morning you'd been having.
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"Hi," Felix's voice was warm as he came up behind you in the kitchen wrapping his arms around your waist as you stood at the sink washing up the breakfast plates and pans you'd used to cook for everyone.
"Hi," You whispered back to him as you felt him leave a small kiss on the back of your neck, he turned you around and you groaned as your hands were still wet from the soapy dishwater.
"Changbin already moped this morning don't make him do it again," You squealed through your sentence as he picked you up and placed you onto the countertop ignoring the protest he got from Hyunjin and Jisung who were still trying to eat their breakfast but finding it hard at the sudden display of affection.
"I'm showing my girl how much I love her-"
"Yeah, well, you have a bedroom for that." Jisung groaned shoving a bit of toast into his mouth watching as Felix took you towards the dorm room he shared with Jisung and Jeongin.
"I missed you this morning." He whispered as he laid you down the bed beneath him his arms either side of your head as he looked down at you, you sent him the warmest smile you could manage with the articles playing in the back of your head. Whenever you looked at him you could somehow feel the words all creeping into your head and clouding your vision of you and him together,
"Sorry, I wanted to do something nice since it's my last week." You knew you were lying. He knew you were lying. He could read you like a book. He collapsed down onto the bed beside you and patted his chest wanting you to cuddle into him while you spoke about what was troubling you. There was no getting out of it, once Felix knew something was bothering you he wouldn't stop until he knew what it was and could fix it for you. He was the little ball of sunshine that tried to make your day better all of the time.
You sat crossed legged in front of him though wondering how you were supposed to bring something like this up to him, he was used to articles being written about him and the boys but you weren't. You weren't used to waking up to the internet exploding about your body - the week before they'd done nothing but analyse the way your body was shaped, the way your hips would move when you walked and the way you wore your clothes. It was different to what they were used to, sure, but you assumed they'd get over it sooner or later. This week however it was about your personality, it was no secret that you were extroverted but with friends like Felix and the guys you had to be. You were all loud and rambunctious together as you all fed off of one another's energy, competing to see who was the loudest out of all of you.
"It's the articles isn't it?" He sat up and came face to face with you, you looked at him eyes dancing over his face to see his freckles you loved so much and his dark brown eyes. His blonde hair was getting long again and fell into his face, you pushed it out of the way and he sighed knowing the answer to his question already without you even saying a word to him.
"I just-"
"Come here," He pulled you to lay down next to him and you sighed, laying here in his arms seemed to melt everything away around you. Suddenly you weren't in the Stray Kids dorm you were just alone with Felix in your own little world being able to just be yourselves without having to worry about anyone else.
Felix knew that there was nothing that he could do to prevent the articles from writing about you or to stop what they were writing about but he was going to do his best to make you feel better about them whenever he could. That was the price for dating an idol when they were in the limelight so were you and if you were going to be seen together it was going to happen a lot more.
"I love it when you're loud by the way," He mumbled into your ear an hour later. You'd both fallen asleep curled up in each other's arms only to wake up with Jeongin come in from losing a video game against Chan.
"Someone can give us all a run for our money, I thought we were loud but with you, we could cheer on a whole basketball team and maybe a football team." You gently poked his side as he playfully teased you trying to cheer you up and he chuckled kissing your cheek as he drew you closer to him, your head was resting against his chest just listening to his heartbeat as you cuddled together.
"Don't even get me started on the way you move your hips - ugh so gorgeous." You groaned at him for being so gross this early in the morning, you took a pillow out from behind you and began smushing it against his face as you got up to get away from his constant compliments, he continued yelling them as you ran towards the door.
"Come back in here and let me compliment you!" He yelled as you shot out of the room into the living room where the boys all let you hide behind them so Felix couldn't get to you.
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Tagline: 
@snowy-meowl​ @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @jooniesdarlingdimples​
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dakarimainink · 3 years
Text
The Fox and The Viper - Part 1
WARNING: 18+, blood, wounds, fighting, slight angst
Pairing: Oberyn Martell x OFC
Wordcount: 2.9K
Note: Not betad, all mistakes are my own.
Every year a tournament to crown the second champion of Alryne is held, but this year, the tournament is interrupted by the prince of Dorne.
Part 2 | Part 3
Masterlist
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Cheers and howling reached the outer corners of the small city as the annual competition was held. A competition for glory and to be crowned the second champion of Alryne.
The arena, seating approximately 700 people, were filled to the brim. At the front, was the royal family; Vallie, seated comfortably in their chairs and shielded from the sun. The King: Orwen Vallie was watching the swords clash and shields break as the competition closed to an end.
The fighting had been going on for two hours, not only entertaining the royal family, but the people inhabiting the city as well. To watch other fight would make anyone’s blood rush and hearts beat rapidly.
The princess and daughter of King Orwen was not as entertained as everyone else. She was resting her head in the palm of her hand, at the brink of falling asleep. She didn’t care much to watch other people get hurt for just a title. It did give one some benefits in regards of housing and money, but the people of Alryne was not poor. She knew the people thrived and the difference in rich and poor was little. The only thing sticking out of the city, was their castle, but the people of Alryne didn’t mind. In fact, they liked the building, as it was the symbol of protection and safety and it had – a long time ago – housed its people before the city was fully built.
“Father, may I leave?” She asked, not trying to hide her obvious boredom.
King Orwen turned to look at her, his bushy brows furrowing deep. “Why would you want to leave, dear?” He asked, but he knew the answer already.
She sighed, lightly shaking her head. “I believe there are better things for a princess to do than to watch men injure each other for little profit.”
King Orwen was fully aware of her views of these tournaments and competitions, although it didn’t quite resonate with her hobbies.
Princess Alessia was a woman known for her thirst of knowledge, she was also the sole heir to the throne, which meant she had to be the protector of the city when her father would pass away.
The royal family of Alryne was known for their swordsmanship and their knowledge of war. Not once had the city lost a fight against their enemies and every war, the ruler of the city would join in the fight. It had been so for a long time and it would continue to be for the future. This meant Alessia had to learn to use a sword and so she had done.
“Little profit?” He scoffed. “There is an honour amongst men to be crowned the second champion. There is glory to be allowed to protect the royal family. There is strength and power to those standing last.”
“But father, I have seen this year after year and no one seems to be able to defeat our current champion. It is a waste of my time and I would like to return to my room for further studies.”
He contemplated it for a moment, wondering if letting her leave was the better option. He knew she made a fair point; studying was probably more beneficial than sitting here watching men grunt, sweat and bleed. Some believed it was ruthless to let her even watch it, but there were so much the people didn’t know. Besides, he didn’t want to hide the true world away from her. This was how life went, spilling of blood was necessary to move on in this world.
Her stubbornness and intellect reminded him of her mother and his late wife. The thought tore at his heart, but happiness fluttered in his chest.
“Fine, you may le-” He was interrupted as he watched his daughter’s eyes slide away from him and onto the arena. The sound of metal clashing together had faded and a hushed silence washed over the place as he turned to look at an unknown man enter the small arena.
He was dressed in light brown armour, a mix of mostly leather with a flexible chest and shoulder armour made of metal, chainmail on his arms and everything was coated in brown to match the leather. In his hand, rested a long staff with a wavy double edged blade on one end and a small spike at the other.
He strode confidently across the arena, but was stopped halfway by some of the contestants, three guards and the current second champion.
The man held King Orwen’s gaze as a warm breeze blew through the arena. Princess Alessia leaned forward in her chair, fascinated by this mysterious man. He didn’t bear any sign or mark to show where his allegiance lied, which made him even more interesting. But what truly peeked her interest, was the two golden snakes wrapped around and adorned on the wavy blade of his staff.
“Present yourself, stranger.” The second champion demanded, a threat lingering at the back of his throat.
Silence.
“Who are you?” The champion barked, taking a step closer while holding his sword high.
It felt like time stood still and the only sound was the sound of their heartbeats and shallow breaths.
“Stranger, you have interrupted a most important competition.” King Orwen started. “For this, you will be punished according to my will. Therefore, you will be sent to the dungeon to stay for a week without food. To this, what do you say?” His voice boomed through the rows of watching citizens.
All eyes rested on the stranger who still hadn’t moved from his spot where he was stopped. He hadn’t taken his eyes off King Orwen since he entered the arena.
“Guards, take him away.” King Orwen ordered and the guards approached the man.
“I am Prince Oberyn Martell of Dorne and a member of House Martell. Brother to Doran Martell and Elia Martell.” His authoritative voice made everyone stop in their tracks.
A prince? Alessia gasped, sitting at the edge of her seat. Of Dorne? She had heard of the city, but never been there. It was his brother, Doran, who ruled the place after their father passed. And of course, the tragic death of Elia Martell during the devastating assault on the city of King’s Landing.
“I have heard rumours of the champion of Alryne and I am here to request a duel against him.” The prince continued, still not moving from his spot.
The second champion turned to look at the King, who seemed speechless at his request. He turned back to Oberyn. “You have no authority to come in here, to interrupt a big tournament, to make such demands from our king.” The champion’s voice rose with each word. “I should slay you where you stand.” He snarled.
“Enough.”
Everyone turned their heads to Alessia who had risen from her chair and now stood leaning forward on the railing of the balcony.
“Prince Oberyn Martell, please let me correct this first meeting. It is an honour to have you visit our city.” She smiled kindly, carefully dipping her head in respect. “If we would have known, we would have reserved you a seat.” She scanned his form while turning her smile more into a leer. “But considering your choice of clothing, perhaps a spot to enter this competition would have suited you better.”
Silence.
She noted a slight smirk play on his lips as she spoke. She glanced over her shoulder at her father, who seemed stumped by her sudden presence, before turning back to the arena to address the prince further. “We would love to honour your request, but to face our current champion, you would have to win the very competition you have rudely interrupted.” A hint of venom dripped from her last words. The smirk disappeared from his face and she noticed the guards fix their grip on their weapons due to the change in her demeanour.
She found it surprising her father hadn’t interrupted her yet or taken over her little display of power. A slight thrill played inside of her as she looked down upon the man. It was satisfying to put in place a cocky prince.
“Since I find this competition boring and you are obviously ready for a fight, let’s make this more interesting.” Now, everyone was listening and all eyes were on her. Even the guards surrounding the prince was staring at her. “Face off three guards at the same time. First to draw blood wins. This means you will have to draw blood from all three guards in order to win and not be harmed yourself. If you win, you will have to face off our second champion for first blood as well. Win and we will grant you your request to face off against our current champion.”
Gasps and whispers filled the rows of the watching audience and tension filled the arena as they waited for the prince’s response.
She kept her eyes on him, watching him contemplate it for a moment.
“I accept.” He finally replied and the murmurs grew among the people.
“Wonderful.” Alessia smiled and gestured for everyone to back off. She turned to the two guards standing to her side. Two of the greater guards they had. “Would you do me the honour?” She asked, not wanting to push them to it.
“It would be an honour, princess.” One of them answered and bowed to her.
“We will fight to win, princess Alessia.” The second replied and bowed as well.
She couldn’t help but feel her stomach flutter. “Bring one of the guards in the arena with you.”
They both gave her one nod and marched down the steps and into the arena, walking up to one of the guards.
Alessia turned to look at the prince, who had taken a few steps back and readying himself for a fight. She couldn’t help the excitement dance within her and she barely noticed her father stand up next to her.
“Don’t you think it was a bit too much with three guards at the same time?” He asked as they both watched the guards ready themselves and face against the prince.
“Not at all.” She replied, her eyes resting on Oberyn. “I actually expect him to win.”
The second champion signalled for the fight to begin and the guards immediately charged for the prince. Being calm and collected, he blocked all their attacks and made sure to keep them all in front of him, not allowing them to surround him.
The people watched in anticipation, expecting the young prince to lose quickly, but the cheering of crowds slowly grew with each block from Oberyn. The realisation of the young man winning heightened the tension and excitement as the sound of metal clashing grew faster.
Alessia leaned forward, watching the snake adorned spear dance between the fighting men. How it gracefully swung to block and turn to hit. The metal shimmering in the sun, blinding some of the watching people. She saw the pure focus in the prince’s eyes as he fought to win.
She was so deeply enthralled she didn’t notice Oberyn had already defeated two of the three guards. It was only when the crowd ruptured into full celebration, she saw streaks of blood coated on his blade and Oberyn had just swiped at the last guard.
Glancing at the three defeated men, she found nothing but shame and disappointment as they took off their helmets and knelt in front of her. Their feelings were not mirrored as she looked down upon them. She was proud of their efforts to fight against the prince,
“Well done, prince Oberyn.” She praised the young prince, who bowed to her compliment. “Most would find it foolish to test you further, but there is a reason this man is the second champion.” She gestured to her champion. “Raoul, has been the ruling champion for years now. If you defeat him, you will be granted a duel against our main champion. Are you ready to face him?”
The prince simply nodded to her question, not breaking the gaze he had locked with her. He seemed confident and strong-willed to see this through.
The three defeated guards stood up and made their way out of the arena. Alessia knew they needed to be praised for their valiant efforts, and so she would go to them later. She would have to come up with a repayment for the fight. But that would come later. Right now, she was more focused on watching the prince fight her second champion. She knew it would be a challenge, as Raoul had stayed on top for several years, undefeated by all. His armour would be hard to get through as well, as he relayed on strength and the weight of not only his body, but his sword and shield as well.
Raoul slid on his helmet, knowing the only way to penetrate and get a streak of blood from him, was the small cracks between his armour, which he needed for mobility. He knew one good swing would surely give him a swipe of blood from the cocky prince.
Both, standing ready in a stance, the fight begun as Raoul approached Oberyn with sword and shield held high.
The first clash of their weapons sent a shiver down Alessia’s spine. She leaned forward as she listened to the men grunt and weapons crash. The crowd was mostly silent, nervous and excited to see who would win. Even Alessia wasn’t sure who would come out as the victor.
“I will break you, prince.” Raoul barked as he knocked his shield against Oberyn, making him fall back. As he swung his sword to hit him, the young prince rolled to the side, flipped up to his feet and kicked Raoul. It wasn’t enough to make him fall, but at least make him lose his balance.
Raoul turned to the prince once more and they stood staring, both gasping for air. “Second champion? Must mean you are defeated after all.” Oberyn pointed out, a smirk painting his lips as a drop of sweat ran down his forehead. “How does it feel to be the second best?” He leered. “And soon to be third.”
Raoul charged towards the prince, eyes filled with fire and blood rushing through his veins. His shield collided with Oberyn’s spear, which then blocked his sword swing. Raoul swung his sword once again and Oberyn thrusted his spear forward and blood was drawn.
The two men stood still as the wind blew through the arena once again. Raoul turned to look at the young prince standing tall behind him. His eyes rose to the blade of his spear, watching his own fresh blood trickle down the snake heads. Dropping his sword and shield, he suddenly realised his arm was wet and he pulled off his helmet. Looking down, he saw a small pool of blood next to him, only growing bigger by the stream of blood running down his arm and dripping off his fingertips.
He pulled at the leather strap of his arm and yanked the armour off. The metal clashed as it landed in the sand and the leather around his arm was soaked. It was then he noticed the small tear in the leather on the underside of his upper arm and accepted his defeat.
Alessia looked at Raoul, the shame and disappointment painting his face tore at her heart. The silence in the arena was suffocating as all eyes were on her.
She turned to her father for words. He stepped up next to her and looked down upon the two men.
“Well fought to the both of you and congratulations prince Oberyn. A promise is a promise, and we will let you face our first champion. However, this will have to take place tomorrow.” King Orwen explained. “We will be happy to welcome you to our home to rest up.”
“That is most gracious of you, king Orwen, but I think I will find a more suiting accommodation for me.” He bowed his head, looked up, glanced at the princess before walking away.
As soon as the prince had turned his back, Alessia stepped down from the podium and briskly walked over to Raoul.
“Alessia-” Orwen called after her, almost in protest of her walking down.
She ignored her father’s call.
Raoul hadn’t moved since he had ripped the armour off his arm. The pool of blood next to him had grown and when he noticed the princess approach him, his eyes widened in horror. “Princess, no.” He took a step back.
Alessia didn’t heed his warning and walked up to him. She grabbed his arm and inspected the tear in the leather. Her hands turned red and the blood felt warm. The tear wasn’t big, but enough to cause concern.
“We need to get this fixed.” She mumbled, not realising Raoul was staring at her in shock. “I’ll get you the finest healer in the city.” She looked up at him and noticed him gulp.
“I’m sorry, princess.” He murmured, sweat trickling from his forehead. “I failed you.” Guilt and shame painted his face.
She shook her head with a gentle smile. “You have not failed me, Raoul. Quite the opposite.” She waved over two guards. “Now get this fixed and we can talk later.”
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dianapana · 3 years
Text
SH Day 12- ANBU Black Ops
@sasuhinamonth
たえる Part 2 (taeru=to endure)
Part 1
Rated M, Ninja Universe that underwent some changes (you’ll see that I use major events in the canon world but there is a lot of history that’s altered), OOC (major OOC for Hinata especially)
Warning: self-harm, mental health, sexual harassment, trauma
Hello, dears, I play quite a bit with chronology in this chapter, I hope it's all easy to understand. I made moth things be during summer so around the time of the girl SH month which is why in all the cases you'll see Sasuke is 1year older than Hina, since his bday is in July and hers in December. I hope you enjoy, ~Love Dia
Sasuke, age 23
I think it’s fair for me to say that I’ve been through a lot, not many things shake me anymore and all the things that have made me worried in the past years have had something in common, they were all somehow related to Hinata. I remember when I woke up after the war, I was chained to a hospital bed, placed under a jutsu that blocked my chakra, I was missing a limb and I was on the verge of insanity once more. The only thing that calmed me down was her image. Even without my chakra I searched for hers. She too was in the hospital; I found her signature light purple chakra but it was so faint and small I almost missed it. Seeing her like that made me crazy with worry, once everyone left my room, I broke all the chains and dragged myself to her room despite the pain. I hadn’t thought of her as fragile since our reunion when she was 15. I could barely stand to see her that way, and even if I wanted to stay and watch over her for longer, I could feel Naruto’s chakra getting closer, which meant I had to leave. For the following weeks I could only go and see her late at night, for there was always someone in her room, Naruto, her father, her sister, some sort of nurse or medic. I recovered under a month, yet I stayed until she woke up.
I was the only one in the room when her eyes opened, she looked confused and for a moment I was sure she had amnesia and would not remember me, us. But for the briefest moment her eyes rested upon my figure and recognition was there, relief was there, gratitude, affection and many other nuances that I can never seem to read or fully comprehend reflected in her eyes. I took her hand and kissed the back of it, allowing myself a small selfish gesture before leaving the room to inform the medics she woke up. Sakura gave me a strange, questioning look when I told her Hinata had woken up, but I didn’t care about subtlety at that second, I just wanted them to check her for any issues, I wanted her to be physically fine.
She didn’t have many memories of the war when she was first questioned, but they came back in waves and waves. I could tell that the questions overwhelmed her, much like the people that littered around, there were over 10 visitors in her tiny hospital room, from her father to Naruto, Kiba and many others. I just watched the whole situation from outside her window. I noticed her looking around, searching for someone that wasn’t there. No, it wasn’t me, she knew I wouldn’t be there when other people were, I knew exactly who she was searching for, that’s why I wanted to be close by. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, I knew things would take a turn for the worse soon enough. I saw it, the exact moment the fog raised off of her memories, the moment in which reality hit her, the moment in which the remaining light in her eyes died.
She asked for Neji, Naruto cringed, her father was the one to inform her of his passing. She asked when the funeral was going to be and silence fell onto the room. Sakura tried to slowly explain that the war ended two months ago and all the dead were already long buried. Hinata cried, she cried for her fallen cousin, she cried for missing his funeral, she cried for herself. They all gave her hugs and condolences, they reassured her that none of that was her fault. They all expected her to mourn and soon enough bounce back to the façade she always kept around the people in the village. They were unaware of the emotional depth her sadness could reach. I knew their expectations would never be met, I could tell that the headspace she was in was similar to the night I found her on the forest floor, she had the same look in her eyes as when she constantly begged me to let her die. Knowing all of that, I expected her to make certain choices, yet, despite knowing what was to come, I was unable to help, there wasn’t a single moment in which she was alone for a week to come. And when it all happened, I panicked at the notion of her death and responded wrongly to her actions.
I wasn’t watching her when she attempted to kill herself, I was with Tsunade who kept insisting that I accept their fake arm. I was in the midst of refusing once more, when I could feel a commotion in her room, I left without a word and ran there. The image that was in front of me wasn’t surprising but it was just as heart-breaking. Hinata’s bed was covered in blood, her left wrist was being treated by Sakura but you could still see the long and slim-cut along her wrist, Naruto was holding her other arm trying to put pressure on her wrist to stop the bleeding. It scared me, the amount of blood on herself and the bed, her light-headedness and indifference indicated that she had been bleeding for a long time. She waited for a moment in which I wasn’t there either, she wanted to escape me too. Had Naruto and Sakura been late they might have found her corpse instead. I left the room to calm myself down, I couldn’t cause a commotion. I tried my best to come up with kind and comforting words to tell her later when I would return to her room, but when I did, the image that greeted me, her arms strapped to the bed, made me lose my composure. I screamed at her, I can’t even recall what I said but I know it was very inappropriate, she laughed, she cried. Trying to comfort her with only one arm was difficult, that was the very first moment when I even considered accepting Tsunade’s offer, but in the end I didn’t. I spent every night that followed with her, after the initial shock I was able to recall the words I meant to give her, I knew they weren’t going to miraculously fix everything but I felt that she needed them nonetheless.
She apologized for considering that path and acting on her thoughts. I undid her chains and pulled her to my lap as she talked. “The moment my eyes moved past Naruto’s shoulders and I saw you in the door frame I regretted my choice, I wished I could undo it if only to never have to see that look on your face” I placed my face into her hair and just breathed her in. “I think I understand a little better now…what you felt when Itachi died, when you found out the truth. Our situations aren’t the same but I remember how…” she stopped, searching for the perfect word.
“Crazy? Unhinged? Mad?” I provided, but she frowned and shook her head.
“No, no, none of those…how anguished, sorrowful, wretched you were at the time. You come to me in a very agitated state, I was scared and concerned but couldn’t grasp that feeling. Now I do” If I’m honest I don’t remember how felt at the time, I don’t remember many things about that period of my life, all I know is that I wanted to give up, I thought I had made only wrong choices in my life, but I saw her and I remembered that even I could save someone.
After a few more nights she assured me that she was now mentally stable, her sadness was still very much present, but she had not had any self-harming thoughts. The decision to leave the village was very difficult at the time, but Hinata assured me that she enjoyed our routine and wished to continue it. I left but our correspondence was much more frequent than before the war, I would write her every other day and she’d reply as soon as my messages reached her. It took a bit over 3 months for her to resume her work as an ANBU, and a bit over 8 months in total to convince Kakashi to promote her to ANBU Black Ops. Her missions became more difficult and longer, she even had a mission in Amegakure that lasted half a year. When she first sent me the message informing me of the location of her mission it reminded me of our first encounter after I left the village. Our encounter that summer isn’t a memory I think of fondly, I was cruel, I was insane, I abused my knowledge of her trauma. Whenever I remember my actions, I want to go back and rewind the time, I want to apologize to 15-year-old Hinata, she was meek and fragile and I broke a part of her. She was doing her best to survive and to keep going and I was a huge obstacle in her recovery. When my feelings for her started changing I was always self-conscious whether they were genuine or not, wasn’t I using her? Wasn’t I just feeling guilty?
Hinata, age 15
I am nervous as I pack my bag for this mission, it is my first solo mission ever. 6 months after I became a Jonin and Tsunade finally trusts me enough to allow me to go alone in a mission. The destination is Amegakure and the mission is supposed to last for about to 3 weeks. The difficulty level of the mission is only B which I’d be pretty annoyed at, but the distance factor and the solo factor make up for it so, I am equally nervous and excited. When I told Neji about the mission he was concerned but didn’t show it much for my sake. Instead, he congratulated me and we had a small picnic in the outer skirt of the Hyuuga estate as celebration.
Now I am looking through my dresser for appropriate clothes for the rain to pack, I have to look for another set of kunais just in case and prepare myself a couple of bentos to have on hand. Slowly, the closer the night before my departure gets the less anxious I am, excitement seems to be the winning sentiment.
The morning of, I wake up at 4:30 a.m. and am unable to sleep longer. By the time I am fully dressed and ready to go it’s only 5:00 a.m. and the sun is barely raising, but I decide that it is light enough outside for me to leave. As always whenever I pass through the forest there’s a chill going through my veins and my enthusiasm is a bit dampened, I actively try and avoid that specific place even if it means it will add to the journey time. On the schedule, Tsunade gave me I’m meant to spend 8 days on the road to the village, approximately 4 or 5 days into the village and 8 more days back.
The mission itself isn’t supposed to be that difficult all I need to do is meet with different people in the village give them the scrolls Tsunade gave me and wait for their replies. All in all, there should be no fighting, I’m mostly a messenger but the large amount of people that need contacting made it impossible for a summon raven to deliver the scrolls. My adrenaline rush of being on my own, experiencing what freedom feels like made me speed up during the journey, I took less stops and didn’t even spend the night in one of the Inns I was supposed to. Thus, not only did I depart earlier than planned but I arrived into the village almost a day and a half ahead of the schedule. Since it’s still barely past noon I decide to start the mission a day early and I am able to cover a fifth of the task on the first day.
People usually when talking about Amegakure call it gloomy and depressing, but I enjoy walking around in the rain, the temperature isn’t too high despite it being the middle of a heatwave everywhere else, the smell and sounds of rain also add to its charm. The Inn I’m supposed to stay at for the duration of my mission is on the outside of the village, it is away from the noise of the centre, but not far out enough to say it isn’t part of the village at all. Walking into my room I sit down and finally grasp that I am days away from Konoha, I am alone. The realization makes me emotional; I hadn’t realized how much I needed to be on my own, how good it would feel to put distance between me and everything that Konoha entailed.
Sitting alone in the dark, only with the occasional lightning brightening up my room, I make a decision, I promise myself to only ever come on solo missions. I’ve endured years of discomfort so I deserved to feel this way, if only during missions. I take a shower and go to bed, I’m not as physically tired as I thought I would be after the journey and that worries me. I don’t want the nightmare to come and ruin my mood, but I close my eyes nonetheless.
It feels like barely a second passed when I open my eyes and see the cool light coming from outside. The sun is hidden behind the clouds of rain, but its light still pushes through to an extent. I had no dreams, no nightmares. I rested well and I feel better than I did in many years. I walk barefoot onto the cold wooden floor and I open the window, not caring that the rain is getting both me and the floor wet. I close my eyes and feel immensely liberated, the heavy chains that dragged me down at all times disappeared. Nobody here knows me and I don’t know them, I am but a face in the crowd, this anonymity offers me the independence I never knew before.
I complete the mission in under 3 days. I feel faster, stronger, happier here. It feels like I can do anything and everything. I have about 3 days I can waste in the village, under normal circumstances I’d return immediately to Konoha to get another mission and the cycle would repeat. But I decide to stay here for a while longer, I want to enjoy this feeling to the best of my ability. The day right after completing the mission I simply stay inside and sleep almost the whole day. I’m recharging my batteries which have been on low for 3 years now. I forgot what being well-rested felt like.
The following day I decide to wander around some more. The mission had me walk all over the village’s centre so, I decide to check out its outskirt more. I go and eat delicious food at a small booth owned by an older couple. Due to its relatively small scale Amegakure’s buildings are much much higher than those from Konoha so I climb on top of one that I deem to be among the highest and sit there, in the rain just watching the busy streets, looking over all the sky-high buildings and enjoying the feeling of being unrestrained by people’s gazes and expectations. For the smallest second, I feel someone’s gaze on me but I discard it as being the locals looking at the strange outsider that’s standing in the rain. I refuse to let my mood be dampened, not when I am just as high as this building is.
I return to the Inn and decide to take a shower, tomorrow is going to be my last day here and I feel like time is moving far too fast. I’m rinsing my hair when I get the same feeling as before, like someone is watching me. Before I can dismiss it again, I hear steps behind me, my mind goes blank. I’m suddenly turned around by a powerful hand, before closing my eyes I see a pair of black dead, unfeeling, cold, cruel, scary, scary, scary, scary eyes. I close my eyes and clench my jaw; I can feel tears trailing down my face. I’m hyperventilating, I can’t move, I’m weak, I’m small. I whimper when I feel his hand touching the scar right above my pelvis. The touch transports me back to when I’m 12 and on the ground, my legs no longer support me, the only reason why I’m still standing is because the man is holding my arm in an iron grip. The moment passes and his hand is gone allowing me to fall to my knees and then onto my butt. I have no idea how long I stay there in a trance. When I’m finally able to regain strength in my limbs to feel and make small movements I notice the shower water is freezing cold despite it being set to warm. I turn it off and walk into the room, there’s no trace of the man anymore, he didn’t do anything beyond touching my arm and my scar. Maybe he was simply created by my brain, yea no one was here, how could they be, why would they be.
I can feel myself slipping into hysteria as laughter bubbles up into my throat. I look around the room again searching for proof again and I sigh in relief when I find none. I’m finally calm enough to get dressed but I make the mistake of looking in the mirror. There’s a handprint on my arm where he gripped me. The print is red and turning a weird purple colour in places and yellow in others. He was here. He was real. I take small breaths in order to calm myself, I am fine, I am here, I can’t even picture the face of the man that was here, I try to force myself to forget the handprint, it was just a dream, another nightmare.
I pack my things and leave that very night despite being tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I don’t want to return to Konoha, and I can’t stay here, I don’t know where to go. The freedom I felt before gave me an amazing sense of accomplishment, but now it is a source of unease. I feel lost and like I do not belong anywhere. I feel insignificant. I feel lonely. I close my eyes and just sit on the floor outside of the village, waiting for something or someone to come get me. But nothing happens and the weather is turning cold despite the summer so I pick myself up and start walking wherever the road will take me.
I don’t remember the journey back home, I can’t even tell in how many days I completed it, I didn’t stop at all, I just ran. I ran from the man, the past, I ran from my weak self. I thought myself to be strong now that I am a Jonin, but I froze and was unable to do anything all the same. I need to be more than I am, I need to be stronger, braver, untouchable, more perceptive.
I hate myself for hesitating to enter the Konoha, I hate myself for hesitating to take on a new mission when Tsunade offers it. I hate myself when I have to walk through the halls of the Hyuuga compound, I hate myself when I hide from Neji. I hate myself when I walk into my room and burst into tears. I hate myself for getting my hope that high in Ame only to have them all crash and burn. I hate that I feel more broken today than I did 3 weeks ago.
Sasuke, age 16
I’ve been in a weird mood since a week ago when I saw Hyuuga in the Village Hidden in Rain. I hadn’t heard or seen anything related to Konoha since I left during the Chunnin exam. She was my first contact with it. Hinata Hyuuga, I remember her name clearly, she holds a special meaning to me, she is a life I saved. I saved her back before I was caught up in any business with Orochimaru, when I still thought following Kakashi was the right path to take, back when I was stupid and naïve. I hadn’t thought of her since that moment, but when my eyes fell onto her, I felt proud that she survived, but I also felt the need, the urge to utterly crush her beneath my feet. Her life belongs to me; I saved her so, I have every right to destroy her.
I could tell she was uncomfortable with me there, I felt her flinch as I traced the scar above her pelvis, I heard her whimper when I turned around, and I saw from the corner of my eye, as her legs have in and she fell to the floor. She looked small and pathetic and I felt strong in comparison.
However, now, days later I feel…guilt. I feel as if I used something against her that I shouldn’t have. At the time her image was blurry and not something I paid attention to, but I can clearly see it now whenever I close my eyes. He white skin had almost no imperfections besides the three scars, her eyes were shut tight, her face was red and wet, at the time I gloated at the thought that the water droplets were tears, now I’m hoping they were from the shower. Her long dark hair was wet and clinging to her body. She did her best to hide from me with her hands, with her position slightly bent. She was helpless, she didn’t even try to stop me, she didn’t scream or fight back, she froze in place and allowed me to do whatever I wanted. At the time that too made me feel powerful, I deluded myself into thinking that my presence as Sasuke Uchiha made her cower in fear. Now that I am analysing things once more, I realize it was her trauma that rendered her powerless, it was my presence that caused her fear, but she wasn’t scared of me, Sasuke, but rather of me, a male; she didn’t see me as an individual but as the image of the man that hurt her in the past.
Realizing that in her mind I was equal to that disgusting piece of trash makes me livid. I clench my jaw, pick up the first thing I see, a jar of whatever substance from one of Orochimaru’s labs and I throw it to the wall. The green liquid escapes its container and slowly eats away at the wall and ground, the sizzling noise and putrid smell don’t even bother me. I’m angry at her, I want to find her and scream in her face that I’m not that man. I wanna shake her until she understands. I am mad at her, at myself. Kabuto comes in and curses, he drags me out and talks under his breath, his presence adds to my anger.
“What do you want?” I ask him, I’m looking down at him. I grew taller these past few weeks, taller than him. I want him to pick a fight, I want a reason to smash his face in. The image of his bloody face as he lays unconscious on the ground would bring me the satisfaction I need. He looks mockingly at me, that’s enough to start a fight.
Less than 20 minutes later the fight is over, he’s not unconscious, he’s still standing, more precisely, walking away. But he is bleeding and so am I. The fight didn’t help. I still feel angry, but my anger is slowly being overshadowed by guilt.
The sudden urge to find her and apologize overcomes me, but I dismiss it. She’s long gone…I checked. The two of us won’t meet anytime soon and even if we do, I’ll never apologize, not to her, not to someone that…weak…
Hinata age 22
After sleeping in until 11 after all, I wake up to Sasuke’s face next to mine, I feel at ease, I feel happy. I cup his face and place a kiss over his closed eyelids. I feel his change in breath when he wakes up but his eyes remain closed. His arm comes around my waist and pulls me closer to him, slowly he opens his eyes and offers me a lazy smirk. For a while I forget that we’re in Konoha, I forget everything about people trying to control me. All my worries just disappear with his presence.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks and brushes my bangs out of my eyes. ‘You’ I want to say, but I decide to be selfish instead. I sit up and he does too, I move towards him and place myself on his lap, we are chest to chest, face-to-face. “I am unsure how long they’ll make me stay here. This... sensei job…they could stretch it for months, who knows.” I hate that that’s true, I hate that they’re trying to cage me into the village. “it’s difficult being here for an indefinite period of time, especially since I don’t have out missions to look forward to. So…” I stop talking, rethinking what I’m about to ask, wondering if it’s worth it, but he looks at me with no judgement, he’s waiting patiently. “So…I was thinking. Maybe being here in Konoha would be better…if you were here as well” Part of me initially regrets the words and wants to take them back.
“You want me to stay here until you can go back to your normal missions” he didn’t formulate it as a question so I didn’t reply, mostly because I didn’t trust myself not to say no, to act like it was a joke, so I stay silent. “Ok, I will” his hand is on my wrist and it’s slowly moving up under my tank top. “You should already know that anything you ask of me, I’ll do Hinata” I do know that, but this was something that I had been afraid to ask for a while. Would staying in Konoha be better with him here? It must be.
We talk some more about his stay in Konoha and then proceed to eat a late breakfast. “I passed by the cottage outside of Amegakure on my way to Konoha” that cottage will forever represent my safe space, all my memories in it are out-of-this-world happy. The cottage itself is pretty much outside every territory of every village, it belongs to nobody, yet that’s the place I feel I belong in. I stayed there for my thirst or fourth mission as an ANBU, as usual Sasuke met up with me and we live together there for months. Sasuke and I worked together for most of my missions, we completed them faster than it was estimated they would take and we spent the remaining of the time just being together outside of all the rules of everyone. That was the place in which after much deliberation and inner-fights I decided to put my trust in him. By then we had already expressed our feelings verbally and with actions such as kisses and hugs, but I wanted to move past that because I craved that closeness with someone, I wanted a stronger bond between us, but also out of spite, I wanted to prove that I was able to enjoy sex. I wanted to prove that what had happened no longer affected me. Out first time was a bit awkward, we were both virgins, Sasuke was overly conscious of making me feel comfortable and I just wanted it to be done with so our desired speed didn’t match, but it happened and it was fine. The second and third time around it was much better and now we reached a point in which intimacy with him doesn’t scare me in the least, I love it and it makes me feel amazing. I am aware that I’m not fully over the incident, the close proximity of strange men that I don’t know still bothers me at times, however, I am much stronger and able to protect myself, I am just...wary.
I end my train of thoughts by going back to the memory of our first time and it makes me giggle a little. Sasuke asks me with his eyes what I’m laughing about and my reply is only a smirk, I see the wheels spinning in his brain and the connections being made. I love that after so many years we’re able to just understand each other in this manner. He gets up from his chair and walks around the table to place his hand on the nape of my neck. “I can show you how much I’ve improved since than” he whispers and bends down to kiss me. I smile against his lips and loop my arms around his neck allowing him to pick me up.
I must have fallen asleep again because I am woken up this time by Naruto loudly knocking on my door. He left me alone yesterday because Sasuke was around but I guess even his long-lost best friend can’t keep his attention off of me for more than 24 hours. I look next to me and my heart hurts because Sasuke isn’t there. I tell myself it’s because he felt Naruto so he left, but I still don’t like that.
Naruto keep knocking on the door and I’m sure he’s about to tear it down if I don’t open it soon so I walk to it in my pjs with my hair a mess. When I open the door, he stops in his tracks. “Oh…” his eyes linger onto the scar on my shoulder, he has an obsession with it I’ve noticed. Does he believe that’s my biggest scar…if only he knew. “I didn’t know you were sleeping, I’m sorry”
“After yesterday’s mission the kids have the day off so I wanted to rest” I don’t assure him that it is ok even though I know that’s the polite thing to do. I am bitter and annoyed that Sasuke isn’t there. For a split moment when I woke up, I thought I had imagined his presence.
“I just wanted to bring these to you.” He says and presents me with a pile of papers. “I know you were given them before when Kakashi assigned you as their sensei” hah, like it was Kakashi’s idea. Hokage-sama wouldn’t have pushed me into being a sensei from a Black Ops and we all know that. I know Naruto pulled all of the strings to get me here, however, Kakashi-san is also to blame for allowing all of this to happen “but I think you should really read them well, you said you have a free day today. I can stay here with you and read them together”
I look at him and his easy-going smile. On normal days I’d try and be nice, but all I want to do today is spend my time in peace. “I heard Uchiha-san is back. Are you sure you want to spend the day with me reading about some kids rather than catch up with him?” I feel sorry for guiding Naruto towards Sasuke, but I know Sasuke and if he’s one thing, he’s good at not being found.
Upon hearing Sasuke’s name Naruto’s smile brightened to the extent that it actually hurt my eyes. “I already saw and talked to him today” He left before Naruto came here, was it before we ate? After? When did they meet? “We talked and agreed to go on a mission together this week” He’s leaving after I asked him to stay “We went to Kakashi and already got all the info, so I’ll spend a lot of time together with him and find out all about what he’s been up to in these years and I ---” Naruto keeps talking but I feel suffocated.
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