#( i tried to go through his archive but I found myself remembering things I'd missed so I may have missed more ;; )

[actualbird]

hello hi!!! first of all i must say i'm eternally grateful for stumbling upon your fics on ao3 in my early days of playing ToT (less than a month i guess, too lazy to check rn haha), this was such a blessing, i mean, your writing is outstanding, to me you're a type of writer every fandom needs - keen in observing the characters and putting them to life, giving them additional depth with such skill. whew. anyway you're a blessing.

secondly i was scrolling through your blog here reading all i could abt marius because yeah, he's my #1 boy. lately i've been struggling with my perception of myself gender-related, not gonna go into detail bc it's not that important, anyways a lot of self-doubt and answers i can't find. but then. your posts about marius, the mc and your thoughts on their gender and behaviour, ways of expressing themselves, etc etc. and it had helped me enormously, you know. i tried many pronouns, names, ways of expressing myself, nothing clicked as right until i've read your posts about how both of them wouldn't care too much and just go as they are, i mean, i don't exactly remember the actual quote but you wrote how marius asked the mc if she's okay with him calling her she and miss and if she'd prefer any other pronouns, and she said nah i'm ok with miss still. and then i was like oh god wow, this exactly. i mean i don't HAVE to pick any specific pronouns or change my clothing style or start or stop putting more or less makeup on (im feminine afab and to put it shortly i'm ok with any look, gnc or not lol) it's just like that! that simple. so i'm forever grateful for this revelation, for the fact that i started playing this game and eventually found you. ty 💜 (also i'm sorry for my words choosing and whatever, english is my second language and i don't care much about grammar or sounding properly lol, and maybe if my message was too personal and i've dumped a lot of unneeded things on you. i'm sorry in advance for that also, you can ignore this mess of a message haha)

hello, anon!!

first off, no need to ever apologize for english trouble bc mood.

second off, thank you so much for your kind words on my writing :(((

and third off, i'd like to preface this response by giving a meme thats basically how i looked like as i read this ask

no frigging joke. tears in my eyes. ive been having a bad day today and a bad night yesterday, in regards to my writing so reading this just....it means a lot to me.

im so so honored that my works helped you figure out this part of yourself. truly and absolutely, your gender and expression of it doesnt need a strict label or rules if you dont want that. it's anything you want it to be, whatever makes you feel most like yourself. since i wrote those hcs, ive got the right to tell u marius and mc are so so happy for you. and i am too.

im just.....very very positively baffled to receive this ask at all. emphasis on positive. like i said earlier, ive been having a bad time irt how i feel about my writing kdsjbfsjg. most of it boiled down to the fact that not only is everything i make just like, not good writing, but also that it's useless and amounts to nothing.

and then i get this ask.

and it's not the first one of its kind ive received.

off the top of my head, ive received a dm from somebody telling me that my fanfiction years ago had inspired them to pursue writing in college and they were just accepted for a masters degree in creative writing. ive gotten a comment on a fanfic that said the story gave them the courage to confess to their crush and them and that other person have been together ever since. ive gotten asks like this telling me that my works helped them feel seen irt to gender, mental illness, or just like...being a person.

theres no way i can prove all these things happened in real life. ive got the messages and comments archived in chat histories or on this blog or on my ao3 comments, but these are words online, and stories can always be made up.

but if they are true then...huh.

it makes me feel honored.

im probably never going to get to the point where i'll see myself as a good person or where i stop doubting what i create, but if what i make can result in things like this, then man, what i think doesnt fucking matter. im not good but what i make can maybe, just maybe, result in good.

all this i ramblingly type to say thank you. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for telling me this.

i hope you have a wonderful day and a kind new year ahead of you, anon :')

[wonwoomi]

one year on.

so, i’m a little late with this (aren’t I always), but april 4th at 19 minutes past midnight british standard time was wonwoo’s one year anniversary. some of you might know that I’ve been with mi since it reopened in december 2015, so whilst it isn’t my anniversary, it’s still !! extremely exciting for me and for my dumb son who hasn’t shut up about it since it happened. 

wonwoo is the first muse i’ve played that... stretched my comfort zone. his twisted morals, his history, a great deal of his interests and even his softest hopes and dreams are all characteristics I’d never tried before. it was actually bek that persuaded me to play him for real. he’d been knocking around in my head, bothering me, for a little while, but I’d have had to drop my old muse to bring him in and I felt so guilty about potentially doing it. but it got to a point where I didn’t enjoy my old muse anymore, because I knew that I was just keeping him around to please others, when I really wanted to play this loser. so I dropped, and I brought wonwoo in immediately and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. now I have a wonderful wife, a thoroughly developed muse (who just keeps on surprising me; just yesterday he informed me of his desire to garden. I don’t even fucking know), and a home here with you all at murder inc.

so. in honour of wonwoo’s one year, we’re going to take a trip down memory lane. we’re going to take a look back at as many of the most amusing and most defining moments in wonwoo’s first year here with you all. thank you for being here with him, with me, for however long or short you have been. I love and appreciate every single one of you so incredibly much. here’s to many more years to come! ♥

april !

one night in a strange city. precious mingyu’s 20th birthday and the night wonwoo knew that the tall fucker would be far more important to him than he could ever have anticipated. also, the longest replies I’ve ever written; it was wild. 

the fact that hyoseong and wonwoo’s first thread involved him being the one to steal the kill. he’ll never let this go. I promise you. never. ( @mixhyoseong​ )

may !

wonwoo taking the Big Scary Step to actually ask for help when he’s injured! it’s a god damn miracle!! god bless jinwoo and his everlasting patience. god bless their friendship.

( NSFW ) that One Time wonwoo was forced to go to a strip club with his worst enemy. 

zitao flooding him with compliments and dinner, and wonwoo going along with it because he loves free food. he’d probably have manipulated zitao into buying him more dinners; I apologise for my son, he’s an asshole.

wonhao. just wonhao. so cute. 

june ! 

that probably over-dramatic and definitely intense meanie meme wherein wonwoo Fucked Up and cried like a baby because he realises he can’t live without kim mingyu. i’m emo.

more free food, you guys really know the way to his heart.

july !

wonwoo starting to fall in love with kim mingyu.

guardians of the galaxy. or just seoul’s streets. or maybe they’re the ones you need protection from— who knows.

( TW HEAVY ) just this. just— wow. fucking hell, jinwoo. 

I honestly love eris and wonwoo so much; this thread is so cute, they’re so cute,, #WONRIS4EVER ( @erisxmi​ ) 

wonwoo’s 20th birthday, wipes a tear.

wonwoo’s visit to jeongwoo’s grave, in which he talks about his childhood and his resentment towards his parents. this stressed me out a lot, but it felt so satisfying to finish and to explore more of his twisted viewpoints and his relationship with his biological family.

august ! 

surprise! wonwoo is a soft child who loves — but is horrifically bad at — scrapbooking. wonwoo still adds to this all the time. 

wonwoo’s life playlist. the open event that marked bek and I becoming mods. again, i’m emo. (you’re always welcome to make these at any time, by the way!!) 

wonwoo sinking (for lack of a better word) deeper into the sadness created by his feelings for mingyu; believing so, so deeply that he’d never get to tell him how he felt. jokes on you, son.

september ! 

wonwoo’s thread with everyone’s favourite grandpa ♥ ( @jisukjinxmi​ )

and his thread with @mixhyoyeon​, who persuaded him to break into a club; something he never imagined he’d do, but is glad he can now add to his list of strange experiences. 

mingyu’s decline. wonwoo stepping up to the plate to take care of him, being completely and hopelessly in love with him and spending night after night crying himself to sleep over nightmares of mingyu not making it. sad. sad, sad, sad. 

october ! 

thIS 

the hardest month of mingyu’s depression. a lot happened between them, for their bond and his recovery. wonwoo secretly took on all of mingyu’s hits alongside his own, to keep their statuses in the gang. he started his long break from the cafe, and focused as much of his time on helping mingyu recover. his health deteriorated rapidly. 

november ! 

just his and @mixheecheon​’s dynamic. their conversation. i love it, i love this thread.

november 18th marks meanie’s first (and second, and third, and fourth and so on) kiss and the start of their relationship. wonwoo gives mingyu the journal he’d written in over mingyu’s depression to help him cope. starts thinking about his own recovery, too. 

december ! 

meanie’s one month anniversary.

wonwoo’s !! favourite time of the year is christmas, so he was very, very happy all month. he decorated the whole apartment, spent the big day with mingyu and his grandfather, and delivered presents to eris and @miroyce​ beforehand, and he was just !! so happy !! 

posted in january, but timeline wise, wonwoo visiting jeongwoo’s grave once more, only to come into contact with changwoo, and get the sort-of closure he’s needed all these years.

january !

the thread itself is backdated, but january marked the start of one of my favourite threads!! I love more opportunities to explore young wonwoo’s life and his growth into who he is today, and I love his and hyungwon’s backstory and dynamic, so thank you for plotting and writing this with me!! ( @mixnightingale )

february ! 

wonwoo getting aRRESTED (about time) 

the start of this great friendship rivalry ( @sujimi )

and this one, too! their bickering gives me life,, ( @mixminhyuk ) 

march & april ! 

mingyu buying wonwoo fLOWERS (spoiler: wonwoo cried)

i’ve been incredibly busy with uni work this past month, so I haven’t had the chance to post much, but getting to chat with you all and plot, and at times, even rp in the ims, has been wonderful and I want to thank all of you again for your patience. it’s been a rollercoaster of a year and I can’t wait for the next anniversary to come rushing around before I know it. I love you all ♥