#( my mind is occupied with many thoughts of him ..... why does he mean so much to me ... )

[etcnnante]

w,,, weather report ,,,...... anyone else agree with me

[ja3yun]

Melting Point | P.SH | CH.5

brother's rival!sunghoon x fem!reader warnings: fluff, angst, confrontation, minhee lovers i am so sorry, no smut this chapter, injury, anything else lmk ch.5 synopsis: life is good for you and sunghoon after you become official, yet, things take a drastic turn very quickly, and you're stuck between love and loyalty. wc: 12k previous | masterlist | next a/n: hi! so this is where the shit gets real icl. i loved writing this chapter honestly, it holds a place in my heart but tbh, the whole series does. not many warnings or whatever and i don't want to spoil anything here so...enjoy! likes, reblogs, feeback are all welcome as always <3 thank you so much for the support, ilyasm.

As you flip through the pages of your Successful Event Management book, your attention wavers, consumed by thoughts of your boyfriend. Despite your efforts, the words on the pages seem to blur together as your mind dances with images of him. Each time the realisation hits that he's officially yours, you find yourself involuntarily twirling a strand of your hair, unable to contain your giggles or the playful kicks of your feet. It's almost unsettling how deeply he occupies your thoughts, and now that you can call him your man, it's as if the intensity has multiplied tenfold.

Over the past week, Sunghoon has been immersed in training, preparing for Nationals, leaving little time for your usual moments together. But you understand, what with Nationals coming up, he has to be prepared for it. Your understanding doesn’t mean you don’t miss him any less though. This time apart has been the longest you’ve gone without seeing him in the past 4 months and it feels agonisingly long.

It’s just past October and you probably missed him most at Halloween, wishing you could have dressed up with him and gone to Rina’s party together, but he couldn’t cancel the trip to Japan he had. If it were any other schedule, he would have blown it off but everything had already been booked, he just couldn’t get out of it.

You loved your boyfriend's willingness to drop everything for you, even if it was often unnecessary. When you told him you nearly broke your ankle while walking down Rina's stairs in 6 inch heels and a bottle of Pinot in hand, Sunghoon instantly left his training and came to check on you. You told him about the incident so you could both laugh at how stupid you are but he didn’t find anything funny, not until he saw you were okay and giggling with Rina as if nothing had happened. 

That’s one thing that’s slightly changed since becoming official, Sunghoon is way more protective of you. Truth be told, he’s always been protective, he can just showcase it more now.

You adored him in every way a person can be adored. All his flaws, all his perfections, he was all yours.

A ping from your phone pauses your idle daydreaming.

My Hoonie ♡

9:10pm: look outside

It’s ominous but you can't resist the pull to glance out the window. Swirling out of your desk chair, you're met with the unexpected sight of Sunghoon, grinning from ear to ear and waving animatedly, as if beckoning you to join him outside.

Why the fuck is he here? He normally texts you to meet him at the corner of the street so he’s out of sight of your family.

Keeping Sunghoon a secret has been surprisingly easy these days, given how rarely you saw Minhee. You sent your brother a play-by-play of what occurred at the ceremony, along with a few pictures, but he hasn't spoken to you since his brief 'Nice' text response. You tried to initiate a few conversations with him about it, asking if anything was bothering him, but he just replied he was busy with training.

He no longer takes you to train with him, but you can't put all the blame on him; you've been telling him you're too tired for weeks to accompany him; he probably just assumed you'd keep saying the same excuse.

You missed him even though he was only across the hallway.

You quickly put on the jumper Sunghoon had given you, grab your phone, and slip on your shoes as you prepare to make a discreet getaway. With your family still inside the house, you turn the front door handle with full caution, making no sound as you sneak out to meet Sunghoon.

"What are you doing here?" you whisper urgently as you greet him.

Sunghoon brings you in for a kiss while his hand cradles the back of your head, answering your question with his actions rather than his words. He missed you, that’s all there was to it. 

"Are you free?" he murmurs against your lips, his kisses lingering, "I want to take you on a date."

You pull back slightly, taken aback, "A date? Why all of a sudden?"

"I realised I haven't properly treated you to a date," Sunghoon admits, a tinge of guilt evident in his tone. The ill-timing of officially becoming a couple and his intense training schedule for Nationals made it look like he was putting in no effort now that he had you. He never intended to spend less time with you, it’s just what happened. 

You lean back to look at him sceptically, “We’ve been on plenty of dates, Hoonie.”

"Shh, just let me take you out, please?" he playfully feigns annoyance, a hint of mischief dancing in his eyes.

Looking back at your home, you consider the options available. On one hand, there's a mountain of tasks awaiting your attention now that the new school year has kicked off. On the other hand, there's the tempting prospect of spending time with your beloved.

Was it even a question?

"Do I need to change?" you ask, casting a critical eye over your attire: his hoodie, some well-worn leggings, and slightly battered shoes—hardly your typical date ensemble. Sunghoon inspects you, pinching your leggings to rub the fabric thoughtfully, “What are you doing?” you ask quizically, raising an eyebrow.

"Just checking the thickness," he replies, turning you around and lifting the hoodie slightly to inspect the material covering your butt. "They'll do," he declares, giving your ass a playful slap to signify the end of his examination. "I have a pair of your other leggings in my car. We could layer," he suggests with a grin.

You don’t have a clue what he’s planning but it can’t be good. 

Sunghoon interlocks his fingers with yours and walks you to his car up the end of the street. The air is growing cooler now that it's early November, so all you can do is sigh with happiness as you take your seat in his warm car. 

With the early November air turning crisp, you sink into the warmth of his car seat, unable to suppress a contented sigh. Over the past few weeks, Sunghoon has allowed you to personalize the interior of his car to your heart's content. 

It started with a simple addition—a plush teddy bear seatbelt cover to cushion the strap that always seemed to bite into you. But it quickly escalated, evolving into a display of your quirks and interests: stickers adorning the glove compartment, a bobblehead of Cinnamoroll dangling from the dashboard with a matching Tuxedosam counterpart on his side, and even a change in the air freshener scent from ocean breeze to peony and cherry blossoms. Each addition is a testament to your bond and the little ways you've woven your lives together.

His life was covered in you, and he has never been happier.

Since the award ceremony, Sunghoon's skating demeanour has noticeably lightened, shedding the weight of perfectionism now that he has your unwavering support echoing in his ears and he knows you mean it because when he glances over to you in the stands, he sees the pride in your eyes. Coach Lee has commented on it a couple of times, saying how his Nationals performance might be his best yet and to keep up the good work. With you by his side, Sunghoon finds joy in skating again, rediscovering the passion that initially drew him to the sport.

"So, where are we headed?" you inquire, fastening your seatbelt and tuning into the radio.

Sunghoon starts the car and pulls away, his hand resting reassuringly on your thigh, "You'll find out soon enough," he replies cryptically. Normally, surprises catch you off guard, leaving you feeling unprepared—an impromptu birthday party is one thing, but this unexpected adventure is an entirely different story.

He chuckles at your attempt to decipher his plans, giving your leg a playful squeeze, "Sweets, I promise I'm not leading you into a cornfield and abandoning you there. You'll enjoy it, I swear."

“A cornfield is so specific, now I don’t trust you at all”  you tease, your tone laced with mock suspicion, though there's a hint of genuine curiosity beneath it all.

As the drive progresses, a sense of familiarity settles in, and when the car pulls up at Belmore, you twist in your seat to face him. "Belmore?" you query, eyebrows raised in surprise. His only response is a knowing nod, a roguish smirk playing on his lips.

"Baby, no offence, but watching you train isn't exactly my idea of a romantic date. And if it ever did count, I think we've been on far too many dates for only being together a month," you point out with a playful yet pointed look.

Sunghoon parks the car and switches off the engine, turning to you with a grin, "So, you don't consider our friends-with-benefits phase as being together?" he counters, raising an eyebrow. "Because technically, we've been together for like four months."

"No, our 'fuck buddy era' definitely doesn't count," you retort, stepping out of the car.

"That's a shame," Sunghoon muses, a playful glint in his eyes. "I had grand plans to whisk you away for our six-month anniversary in January. I guess I'll just have to enjoy Jeju on my own," he shrugs nonchalantly, locking the car before striding towards the main building, gym bag slung over his shoulder.

You quickly fall into step with him, looping your arm in his, a gleam of merriment in your eyes. "Well, I suppose we could round it up to four months," you offer, hoping he was just joking about going himself.

You're not about to let the opportunity for a trip with your man slip through your fingers, even if he's just teasing. You've been dropping hints about wanting to hike Hallasan Mountain and go tangerine picking on Jeju Island so often that he's actually started a 'Jeju Jar' where you contribute money whenever you mention it.

Sunghoon graciously holds the door open for you, and Miss Barbara's cheerful wave as she recognises you only adds to the excitement bubbling within you.

Miss Barbara has been in on your little secret love affair since you made it official, her only bribery she requested to keep it a secret was a bag of Revels on top of her usual Toffee gift. 

"Hi, Miss Barbara," you greet her warmly as you approach the reception desk.

"Hello, Y/N, Sunghoon. How are my favorite forbidden lovers?" she exclaims with a twinkle in her eye, settling back in her chair.

Sunghoon chuckles, shaking his head. "It's not quite as dramatic as you make it out to be, Miss Barbara," he replies with a good-natured smile, though the receptionist waves off his comment. She's fond of weaving your relationship into a romantic narrative, a tale of two star-crossed lovers defying societal norms to be together. It's a bit over the top, but it gives her something to gush over.

"We're doing well. Is anyone in there?" you inquire, grateful for Miss Barbara's discreet support. With her on your side, it's easier to gauge just how obvious your affection for each other can be. While you don't hide your love in everyday life, at the rink, you're more cautious. The last thing you need is for any of the coaches or, heaven forbid, your families to catch you in a moment of intimacy. That could set you both back to square one.

Keeping it a secret until after Nationals wasn’t just for the benefit of Minhee, but also for your own sanity. If one of your mothers found out, that would be it, you would never hear the end of it. 

“Nope, all free. Coach Kim just left and not another soul in sight.” Miss Barbara confirms.

"Thanks, Miss Barbara. This was a spur-of-the-moment thing, so we'll make sure to bring you double sweet treats tomorrow," Sunghoon promises, knowing full well she's eagerly anticipating her goodies.

"Triple and I'll let you in on a little secret," she counters, arms crossed expectantly. Sunghoon nods in agreement, intrigued, "The coaches are planning to bring you and Minhee in tomorrow for peer review and a Nationals run-through, to ensure you're both in top form for the competition in two weeks. It's a new method they want to try to strengthen your connection, especially since you're both going to be on the same Olympic team," she reveals, her tone filled with anticipation.

Your eyes widen in shock as Miss Barbara's words sink in. "Wait, Minhee and the Olympics?" you repeat, the idea sounding both fitting and surreal at the same time.

"Oh yeah, he's been putting in a ton of hours here, especially in the last three weeks. Coach Kim believes he's more than ready," she confirms with a knowing smile, leaning in conspiratorially. "But shh, it's a surprise. The coaches plan to break the news to him when he places in the top three at Nationals."

The news hits you like a wave of emotions. It's beyond perfect - your brother finally achieving his lifelong dream after years of hard work and dedication. A sense of pride and happiness swells within you, threatening to overwhelm your senses.

Suddenly, you get a strange feeling because the more you think about how excited you are for him, you realise Miss Barbara has just said he's here a lot, but you didn't know that. Although you may not have seen him recently, you should be aware that he is spending his time here. You used to know his entire schedule.

“Was my mum here with him?” you inquire, a hint of concern in your voice.

"No, he's usually by himself or with Coach Kim. Didn't he mention it to you? I was wondering why you haven't been with him like usual," Miss Barbara explains, her tone sympathetic.

Sunghoon notices the discontent written across your face, assuming it's because of the impending peer review with Minhee tomorrow morning. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he gently guides you towards the rink. "Thanks for the heads up," he acknowledges gratefully.

As he leads you into the arena, you can feel the excitement draining from your shoulders, leaving you feeling deflated. Sunghoon hates seeing you like this. He wishes he could simply pluck the negative thoughts from your mind and replace them with happiness, but all he can do is offer distraction.

"Sweets, wait here for a minute," he murmurs, planting a kiss atop your head before darting off to the back rooms to fetch some necessary tools for your impromptu date, leaving you to wonder what surprises he has in store.

A few minutes later, Sunghoon returns, his excitement palpable as he practically skips towards you, hands hidden behind his back. The mischievous glint in his eyes sends a shiver of apprehension down your spine, "Sunghoon, what's going on?" you inquire warily.

He stops in front of you, a wide grin spreading across his face. "You aren't going to watch me train," he announces, revealing a pair of pristine white ice skates and a deep blue helmet from behind his back, which he then presents to you, "I'm teaching you how to skate."

The look on your face is one of absolute shock. You have already told him how your mum had tried to get you on the ice when you were little and it wasn’t pretty, you can barely walk in the skates never mind glide on the ice. Did he forget this was the one thing you explicitly said you couldn’t and wouldn’t do?

Noticing your lack of enthusiasm, Sunghoon's arms drop to his sides, a hint of disappointment flickering across his features. "Come on, it'll be fun! I'm a great teacher," he insists, trying to persuade you. Taking the skates from his hand, you inspect them apprehensively, feeling a surge of fear at the sight of the gleaming blades.

"Look, baby," Sunghoon begins, his voice softening as he places a hand on your shoulder. "You've mentioned how you never took to the ice well, but it occurred to me today that maybe that's because your mum had all these dreams about the Kang siblings dominating the figure skating world. That's a lot of pressure for a seven-year-old. But this... this is just for fun. A simple, free lesson from South Korea's greatest skater who promises to never shout or get impatient with you," he reassures, placing a hand over his heart in a solemn pledge.

It’s true you suppose, there would be no need to feel a weight on your shoulders to be as good as Minhee or have your mum telling you how easy it was and that you just weren’t trying hard enough. 

The sparkle in Sunghoon's eyes only adds to your resolve to give this a shot. He wants to share his love for the sport with you, and you can't help but feel touched by his enthusiasm. If he's willing to keep both feet firmly on the ice, then maybe, just maybe, you can brave this adventure.

"Fine, but I'm not jumping under any circumstances," you bargain with a playful glint in your eye. The last thing you want is to end up flat on your back on the ice. If Sunghoon can promise to keep you grounded, then you'll give it a try.

Sunghoon’s face radiates with glee once you accept his date idea, which is good for him because he doesn’t have a backup. He sits you down on the bench and helps you put on the skates, fastening them tightly. He goes over the warnings every skater gets about new skates, and how they need to be broken in so they might nip at the skin. He’s already tried to stretch them out for you by making Wonyoung wear them for a little while when she warmed up. 

Once both of your skates are securely laced up, Sunghoon swiftly puts on his own, his familiarity with them evident in his speed. He's had these skates for a year now, and they've never failed him.

"Put your helmet on, babe," he instructs, handing it to you. You look at it with disdain, but he catches your expression and intervenes, "I get that it's not glamorous, but the last thing I need is for you to smash your head open," he reasons, gently placing the helmet on your head and fastening it securely.

"I don't want to fall in the first place!" you protest.

"I will always catch you, I promise," Sunghoon reassures you, leaning in to press a kiss to the top of your helmet, as if it were your head. He offers a gentle smile, "Plus, the rink just got Zambonied, and they'll be peeved if you dirty up the nice ice with your blood."

"Sunghoon!" you exclaim, a mix of exasperation and affection in your tone.

______

Seventy minutes into the lesson, and you've only stumbled twice. The first time was when you initially stepped onto the ice, resembling one of those cartoon skits where the character can't find their footing and begins flailing everywhere. The second stumble occurred when you attempted to march in place, a simple task that somehow became a challenge on ice. Despite Sunghoon's assurances that you couldn't fall, you seem determined to prove him wrong, even in moments like these.

Nonetheless, you have made progress. Sunghoon has painstakingly taught you how to forward glide and perform a snowplough stop, which seemed impossible given your previous difficulties on the ice. Granted, he's been hovering only centimetres behind you the entire time, waiting to catch you if you fall, but progress is progress.

Now, he's introducing you to forward swizzles, a manoeuvre with a deceptively cute name that you're convinced spells disaster for you. With Sunghoon's reassuring grip on your arm, he explains the technique. "You're just going to do a forward glide and then kind of push your feet outward and then bring them back in a circular motion. Like this," he demonstrates, making it look effortless.

Of course, he makes it look like it’s the easiest thing in the whole world, like using a knife and fork, but he's dealing with a girl who can't even distinguish her left from her right or drive a go-kart without crashing it. This venture into forward swizzles feels like a daunting challenge, but with Sunghoon by your side, you're determined to give it your best shot.

Sunghoon skates to face you, taking both of your hands as you attempt to master the forward swizzles. For the most part, you're actually not too bad at it. But as confidence starts to swell within you, you let go of his hands, only to teeter dangerously on the edge of a fall once more.

True to his word, Sunghoon is there to catch you, his grip firm and reassuring.

Determined to get it right, you take a deep breath, calming your racing heart, and try again. Sunghoon can't help but admire you in this moment. Most people would have thrown in the towel by now, but he knows you're doing this not just for yourself, but for him too. It's a realisation that fills him with a profound sense of affection as he watches you concentrate intently, your tongue sticking out in concentration as you execute a few more forward swizzles with his assistance.

"That's it! My girl is so good at this," he praises, but you shoot him a pointed look. It's not angry; it's more of a silent plea for him to refrain from speaking and distracting you while you're focused. Understanding the cue, Sunghoon promptly stops talking, allowing you to concentrate.

As you cheer and sway joyfully, a surge of euphoria washes over you, you're briefly swept up in the exhilaration of your performance. But the laws of physics are unwavering, and the slippery ice beneath your skates is unforgiving. Without warning you lose your footing and collapse hard onto the ice, your head creating an unnerving thud as it hits the icy surface. Maybe the helmet was a good idea.

"Shit, Y/N!" Sunghoon's voice rings out in panic as he rushes over to you, his expression etched with concern. He kneels beside you, quickly assessing your condition and helping you sit up. Despite the impact, all you can do is laugh. What was once a terrifying prospect - falling on the ice - is now a source of amusement.

"I'm okay," you assure him between fits of laughter, patting the helmet atop your head. "Thank god for this piece of shit helmet, that's all I'm saying." But Sunghoon's expression remains tense, his worry evident, "It's okay, baby, I promise I'm fine. Let's take five, hmm?" you suggest, reaching out to stroke his cheek in a comforting gesture.

Sunghoon nods silently, sitting beside you on the cold ice, both of you ignoring the chill seeping through your clothes. He removes his gloves and places them on your hands, a small but tender gesture that sends a flutter of warmth through your stomach, despite the icy surroundings.

"You're actually pretty good at this, Sweets," Sunghoon compliments, taking your helmet off.

But you brush aside his comment, a question that's been nagging at you for a while now finally bubbling to the surface. "I have a question," you begin, ignoring his compliment. "Why do you call me Sweets? Like, you've called me that since you started skating here."

Sunghoon's face flushes with a deep red blush as he gazes up at the rafters, gathering his thoughts. "I've been calling you that for a lot longer than that," he confesses quietly.

"What do you mean?" you press further, turning your body to face him, curiosity piqued. For all the time you've spent together, you've never questioned the origin of the endearing nickname.

He exhales softly, a nostalgic grin spreading across his face as he begins to reminisce. "Do you remember when you were 14, and you confessed to me with a packet of sweets and a makeshift card?" The memory floods back to you, each detail vivid and clear. "You came up to me at one of the Youth competitions and gave them to me - a packet of Love Hearts, I think.” You want to protest but the more he speaks about it, the more the memory comes back to you.

Back then, you had mustered up all your courage to ask him out after years of secretly admiring him. You knew it was a long shot, considering Sunghoon was the most sought-after skater in the Junior division, but you took the chance anyway. You had even dressed up in your best outfit and attempted makeup—a slick of lip gloss from a teen magazine and a touch of mascara you'd pilfered from your mom's makeup bag.

"You knocked me back!" you exclaim, feeling a surge of offense, "I poured my heart and soul into that card, and you didn't even spare it a glance. I remember now!"

Sunghoon shakes his head defensively, "I did look at it! And I ate the sweets too," he tries to argue back, but the realization only seems to deepen your offense, "Wait, no! I know I said no, but... I had my reasons, okay?"

"Oh yeah, what?" you challenge, shaking your head sassily, eager to hear his explanation.

"I... It doesn't matter, does it? Look who won?" Sunghoon smoothly redirects the conversation back to the present day, "You've got me whipped for you."

You raise an eyebrow, conceding that he does have a point. He is your boyfriend now, albeit five years later than you originally wanted—or eleven years, if you count all the time you spent pining over him as a kid.

"Exactly," you agree, a smirk playing at the corners of your lips. "If you told fourteen-year-old Y/N Kang that Park Sunghoon would be desperately in love with her now, I think she'd pass out." 

Silence.

Deafening silence.

Sunghoon stares down at his skates, eyes wide and mouth dry. The weight of his confession hangs heavy in the air, catching both of you off guard. He hadn't anticipated the words to spill out so spontaneously, and he's never felt more vulnerable in his life.

Park Sunghoon loves you. He is in love with you.

The arena seemed to vibrate with the weight of his confession, wrapping you both in startled stillness. You can't comprehend it - Sunghoon didn't just say he loved you; he confessed to being desperately in love with you. The enormity of his admission takes your breath away, bringing back memories of your 14-year-old self, who would have had no idea how to deal with such a discovery. Even at 19, the reality of his love has you spinning.

"You love me?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper, unable to tear your gaze away from the ice beneath your feet. The words hang in the air, heavy with disbelief and wonder.

Finally, Sunghoon meets your gaze, his own expression a mixture of apprehension and hope. Seeing the beginnings of a smile tug at the corners of your lips eases some of the tension in his chest. He had thought his love for you was obvious, but he had never found the courage to say it out loud before.

"I do," he affirms, his voice soft but unwavering.

“How long?” you inquire, stealing a glance at him.

Sunghoon chuckles softly, a playful gleam in his eyes as he picks up the helmet and spins it in his hands. “Ah, I can’t tell you that,” he teases, “If I do, you’ll never get your head back in this.” His laughter lightens the mood, but you're not satisfied with his evasive response.

Snatching the helmet from him, you firmly place it back on your head. “See, now you can tell me. It still fits, and there's even a little room,” you declare, shaking your head to demonstrate how loose it is.

Sunghoon reaches over to fasten the helmet again, his laughter mixing with yours. His fingers linger on the strap, tracing it until he reaches your chin, gently tilting your head to meet his gaze. “It's been a long time,” he admits, his voice soft but earnest. The more animated your expression becomes, the more the doubt that lingered in his mind fades away.

You don't hesitate to seize the moment, pouncing on him and knocking him back onto the ice. Your chest presses against his as you pin him down, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss that steals the air from his lungs. Both of you are grinning like fools, reveling in the warmth and intimacy of the moment.

But there's still one final piece missing from this perfect moment.

“I love you, too, Sunghoon,” you whisper into his mouth, your words laden with sincerity. You hope he can feel the depth of your feelings, knowing that you're not just saying it out of obligation but because you truly mean it.

“It was me, by the way,” he admits sheepishly, catching your curious gaze. You silently prompt him to continue, which he happily does “The sweets my dad gave you all the time? I asked him to give them to you. You looked so miserable one day that I gave up the packet of Haribos my dad would sneak me. After I saw your face light up, I told him to just keep giving them to you instead.”

Your heart feels like it could burst with joy. Why hadn’t he told you this before when you brought it up at the cafe? “Why did you do that?” you inquire, searching for an explanation.

Sunghoon just shrugs, playing it off, kissing you on your nose to distract you from asking any more questions he wouldn’t be able to answer. 

You look at each other and exchange sweet, short kisses on each other's lips. The moment is filled with innocence, and pure love surrounds you. But as the rink's ice starts to seep into your bodies, you both realise that, while the kisses and giggles warm you up, the frostbite on Sunghoon's ass is getting a little too much.

He stands, offering you a hand up, which you gladly accept, trying not to wobble. His lips find yours again within seconds, whispering ‘I love you’ over and over like it's a sacred mantra. Even as he picks you up and spins you around, the words never falter.

Your feet dangle in the air, suspended and untethered, a sensation that terrifies you but this whole situation is. Being in love with someone as deeply as you are with Sunghoon, anyone would find it a little scary - that’s even taking out the impending conversation you’ll need to have with Minhee. You can’t believe someone like Sunghoon is even in love with you a little bit. You counted your blessings every day that he even bothered to spend time with you or ask you to be his girlfriend, this was just surreal.

“We should go, yeah? Especially if I have to show up your brother tomorrow,” he suggests, setting you down gently.

“Sunghoon, be nice to him tomorrow, yeah? Don’t provoke him. This is important for him,” you plead with him, your voice laced with concern. All you want is for Minhee to come out of tomorrow's session feeling confident and ready. If your boyfriend starts to poke fun at him, it'll only serve to undermine Minhee's focus and now that he has a chance to go to the Olympics, he needs to feel confident, not taunted.

Sunghoon follows you as you carefully skate off the rink, back to the security of the grated mats outside. “I’m going to give him the critique he needs, brutal or not,” he says, his tone tinged with frustration. Sitting on the bench, he begins to remove his skates. He knows you don’t mean it to sound this way, but your phrasing made it seem like tomorrow wasn’t as significant for him. A whole run-through of his routine in front of everyone to determine if he's ready for Nationals? That's just as crucial for him as it is for your brother.

Ridding yourself of the devil skates you massage your feet. You have a greater respect for anyone that has to wear them for more than an hour, “And that’s fine, but don’t be a dick about it. This could be our chance to sway his opinion of you and make telling him about us easier.”

“Well, are you going to tell him the same thing? Because he isn’t exactly friendly towards me either,” Sunghoon counters. He can't argue with your logic; building a bridge with your brother would make things easier for you both. However, he isn’t willing to let Minhee berate him without standing up for himself.

You sigh, feeling deflated by the conversation already, wondering why you even brought it up. “Sunghoon, please just be the bigger man here, for me. Can you do that?” you ask, your voice pleading.

Putting his blade guards back on with a forceful gesture, he lets out an exasperated groan. “No. I will do anything for you, Sweets, but I draw the line at letting him walk over me,” he asserts firmly.

“I’m not asking you to do that,” you insist, gently pulling his face to meet yours. “If he’s rude to you, you can defend yourself, but just don’t take it too far or say anything unnecessary, especially about his skating.” The tone in your voice, combined with your touch, begins to soften the tension in his body. He grudges how much of an effect on him, “Please? Because you love me?”

He sticks his tongue into the side of his mouth and swipes it along his inner lip, “Wow, are we playing that card now?” You nod, and a satisfied smile sits smugly on your face. It was a low blow, you know that, but when push comes to shove. Inhaling deeply he agrees reluctantly, “Fine, I will be nice to him. But it’s in no way is it for his benefit, I’m doing it for us.”

You’ll take it. It’s a start and every reconciliation has to start somewhere, “Thank you, baby.” You press a smooch to his cheek and stand up, locating your shoes and putting them on.

Glancing at your phone, you notice it's past 11pm and there are a couple of messages from your mom. She's letting you know that you can't stay at Rina's tonight because Coach has requested Minhee's presence tomorrow morning, and she wants you to be there too. And you want to be there, because right now you feel a little like a shit sibling missing out on his training when it used to be the one activity you looked forward to together. 

And he’s been all alone the whole time. What was going on with your mum these days? She would rather die than miss a Minhee schedule, even if it were just practice. 

Sunghoon hugs you from behind, reading your messages, “Don’t tell me the witch is cock blocking me?” 

That’s the other thing about him being your boyfriend, you’ve started to open up to him a lot more about your relationship with your mum and how thin the bond is. You told him about her moving you out of your old room to make way for Minhee’s trophies, how she made you skip Rina’s birthday to attend a dinner with a potential sponsor when you didn’t even have to be there, and so many other unfortunate occasions.

Sunghoon was seething each time you spoke about her because you’re her daughter, you’re meant to be the joy of her life and it sounds like you’re just an inconvenience. Truthfully, you hadn’t paid much mind to it before you said all your woes with her out loud, but Sunghoon doesn’t see it as casually as you do. 

“Guess tomorrow morning is officially happening then,” You say, messaging back a quick ‘okay’ to your mum, “I’m sorry, Hoonie, I can’t come back to yours,” You rest the back of your head on his shoulder as his grip gets tighter around you.

“Sweets, it’s okay. I just wish I got to fuck you good after I proclaimed my undying love for you finally,” he kisses down your neck, “Guess I’ll just need to take you home after I wipe the floor clean of your brother.” 

Angrily, you turn around, “Any more of that and you’ll not only not be able to fuck me, you’ll also be single.” You’re not messing about and Sunghoon knows it.

“Sorry,” He winces, rubbing your arms, “Force of habit. I promise tomorrow I will be on my absolute best behaviour!” he kisses you but you don’t kiss him back, still trying to keep your annoyed demeanour. “Aw, c’mon, baby, don’t be like that! I promise skaters honour and all that.”

“You better be, Hoonie,” you warn him, finally giving in and kissing him back once, just to let him think he can’t get away with it that easily, even if he can. 

As you walk out of the arena, he follows you, stooping down to whisper, "You're kinda sexy when you're mad like that." You know he's only half-joking, so you don't play into it because if you do, he'll make you angry more often since he knows you aren't able to stay angry. Instead, you say your goodnights to Miss Barbara and make your way to his car.

He’s a piece of work, but you wouldn’t have him any other way. You love him exactly how he is.

_____________________

Applying the last finishing touches of your makeup, you check yourself out. Today was a big day, so yes it’s a little extreme to get dolled up at 5am on a Wednesday, but you’re seeing Minhee and Sunghoon skate their Nationals routines in full today, so what’s not to be excited about?

If anyone had told you that today you would feel no nervousness about the both of them being so close to one another, you would have told them to pull the next joke out of their ass. There was no way that could happen but it is and Sunghoon promised to try and be civil with your brother. So now all your worries are on them and their skates. 

You’ve seen Sunghoon’s routine countless times, so you know what to expect, but Minhee was a whole different story. It still irks your heart that you haven’t seen your brother train, you feel awful, truly. You just need to cheer for him extra loud today.

You grab your tote bag, which has some extra panties since you're spending the night with your sweetheart, and head out of your room. His roommates have joked that you’re moving in since you’ve left so much stuff at his place including a toothbrush, clothes, shampoo and conditioner, and even a spare book to read if you wake up before him in the morning. Not like you meant to, just over time it happened.

As you reach the bottom of the stairs, you hear Minhee and your mum whispering about something, but it’s hard to make out the conversation. Carefully tiptoeing towards the kitchen, you hold your breath, trying not to make a noise. They don’t normally whisper, especially not at this hour, so whatever they're discussing must be important.

“I can handle it, Mum, I told you,” Minhee's voice is heavy with sadness. Has he always sounded this despondent, or are you just overthinking?

“Good. I've invested too much for you to Cave now. When we get there, you know what you need to do, right?” What is Minhee supposed to do? Cave doing what? What does he have to do? Skate?

There are so many questions that need answers just by this snippet of conversation. You press your back to the wall of the hallway to make sure you stay hidden, hoping for any sort of clarity.

“Mum, I said I got it.” he snaps back and leaves it there, packing his bag, “Did you let Y/N know about today?”

“About the run-through? Yes, I told her.” your mum pours herself a coffee into her reusable cup.

Minhee rubs his eyes, clearly exhausted. Now that you’re getting a good glimpse of him after a few weeks, he looks a lot thinner and the circles under his eyes are a deeper shade than normal, “I told you not to tell her, she doesn’t need to be a part of this,” he zips his bag and slings it over his shoulder.

Does he not want me to be there for his skates anymore? Is that why he hasn’t invited me?

You can’t make head or tail of the conversation or what they mean, but the last thing you want is for Minhee to shut you out. 

“Oh, Y/N there you are,” your mum spots you, foiling your plan to eavesdrop.

At the sound of your name, Minhee tenses, pausing in his tracks for a beat. He was acting so strange, it made you hurt for him. Your brother was so lively and now he looks like a shell of himself. 

Putting on a cheerful facade to conceal your concern, you approach Minhee and casually swipe half of the banana from his hand, as you would normally do. If he were his usual self, Minhee would protest loudly, demanding you to get your own fruit. But instead, he simply hands you the rest without a word.

“Both of you hurry up, we need to go,” your mum whooshes past you both and heads for the front door, leaving you and Minhee on your own.

“Hey, are you okay?” you ask, quiet as a kitten. 

Minhee nods his head once and brushes by you, not even glancing at you. The relationship you have with him is now feeling like you’re strangers. You don’t know what spurred this change on but you have a high suspicion it’s because of you.

Obviously, you don’t want it to be, but you haven’t really spent time with him recently or supported him the way you should have. He probably feels neglected, something you never want him to feel.

Taking hold of his wrist you stop him before he exits for the car, “Mini, I’m sorry for not being at your training sessions. Miss Barbara said that you’ve been going to the rink a lot, I should have made it to at least one of those.”

“It’s fine, Y/N. I don’t need you there.” 

That hurt. A lot. 

He finally glances down at you and sees your eyes flash with hurt, “I’ve been going spontaneously, you’ve been busy with school and…Rina. Our schedules don’t fit anymore,”  he plays it off but you’re his sister and you know he’s hiding something deeper in his nonchalant words.

Pulling his wrist from your grip, Minhee goes to the car, leaving you a lot more concerned for him than before.

As your mum pulls up to Belmore you see Sunghoon’s car already here. He must be getting in the practice he missed last night because of your date. You would feel guilty about it if it wasn’t his idea.

When the engine stops, there is a weird tension in the air as everyone has gone into covert mode. You want to break the silence but you can’t fathom what to say right now. 

"Minhee, I'm feeling good about today, do well," your mother says. Despite her words of positivity, her expression portrays a different mindset, as if she is just saying what she knows she should.

Placing your hand on his shoulder, you grin at him, "Do your best, Mini, that's all anyone can ask," He smiles back at you, acknowledging your words. What's strange is that he takes your hand and squeezes it, his eyes fixed on yours. Sibling communication is turned on; you just can't understand what he's saying to you.

Walking into the arena is a completely different vibe from last night, no peace to be found. The coaches are happily chatting about their prodigies; it’s nice to see them getting along considering they were also pushed together through this blending of rinks. You wished the same for Minhee and Sunghoon.

Speaking of Sunghoon, he isn’t anywhere to be seen, he’s not on the ice like you thought he would be. 

“Minhee, go get changed, me and your sister will be over there,” your mum points to the same two seats you’ve both occupied for over a decade, “Don’t fuck it up, I’m serious.”

How can she be so harsh? 

Minhee simply waves you both off, shoulders slumped. While you watch him retreat to the changing room, you scowl at your mum, a toxic taste in your mouth at how rude she is being. At the end of the day, Minhee was always her favourite child, and now she can’t even be bothered with him.

Deciding he can’t go out with those being the last words he hears, you excuse yourself and walk in the same direction. You say your hellos to the usual staff as you go into the back hallway, scouting the place for your brother.

Without warning, you’re being pulled back and pinned to the wall. You almost scream until you feel those perfect lips that belong to your boyfriend, smushed against yours. 

Perplexed by his actions, you look around to see if anyone saw you. Fortunately, you were hidden enough, “Hoonie! What are you doing?” 

“I needed a good luck kiss, that’s all,” he smirks, “What do you think?” he draws back and shows you the outfit he was planning to wear at Nationals and your natural reaction is to gasp.

The royal blue silk shirt was basic, but you knew it would spring to life once he got on the ice, and his black slim trousers had crystals embroidered down the side as well as all around the bottom, the gems a mix of white and three shades of blue. He really fits the description of Ice Prince.

Spinning around on his tippy toes, he awaits your response. He felt good in it like he was one hundred percent ready.

“You look like you belong in a museum,” Gawking at him, you cover your mouth, you haven’t seen him look so handsome in any skating costume before, “Why are you wearing it just now?” 

He shrugs, “Coach thought it would be good to see how it holds up since I went with a new designer,” he smiles, rubbing up and down his torso. The material feels so good, he’s grown a habit of touching it whenever he can, “I’ll need to thank Karina when I’m done.”

“Huh? Why?” 

“You’re looking at a Yu Jimin original, I’ve been told she’s going to be famous.” Sunghoon grins at your surprised face.

Your best friend made this outfit? Her talents never failed to amaze you but she had never let anyone wear the clothes she made, not even you unless she was sampling. How on earth did he pull this off? 

Inspecting the costume more carefully, you see Rina’s signature stitching aka the first one she learnt and stuck with because she can ‘always make it work’ and to be fair, she does. It really was hers and your boyfriend was wearing it. 

But she would never do it out of the kindness of her own heart, “How much did she charge?” you ask worried, Rina could easily have bumped up the price since it was Sunghoon, milking him of the money she knew he had.

“Not a penny,” He stands proudly, but you know him, and you know your best friend, so you give him a dubious look, “Well, it didn’t cost money, I gave her a matching Tiffany ring and bracelet set.” He throws the sentence out as if the jewellery didn’t cost 4 times the wages you got this month.

“Hoonie, What the fuck?” 

"Nah, I got these for free a while back. I was planning to gift you them for your birthday." Wearing a playful smile, you tilt your head back as you absorb the unexpected information of your given-away gifts. Sunghoon instantly becomes aware of what he's just confessed. "Then I realised you're worth more than free jewellery and I swear when I gave her them, it was in the most 'I don't love you, this is just to get on Y/N's good side by winning you over' kinda way." 

Sunghoon bats his long eyelashes after he stumbles over his words, nervous you might get the wrong idea. You didn’t though, you know he’s only got eyes for you. 

It does make you laugh and think about how lucky you are, “Thank you for trying to get along with her,” you leave out the jib about it being your supposed gift because you can see how hard he is trying. 

Sunghoon wants to be a part of your life, that much is evident, and he’ll do anything he can to integrate himself peacefully, cautious to not disrupt too much. Rina was an easy win because as soon as she saw the trademark Tiffany Blue boxes she was on his side. Plus, the chance to have her first-ever design worn on a televised competition wasn’t really an opportunity she could pass up.

“I just need to win over Minhee now,” he says, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and drawing you closer. But as you remain unresponsive, lost in thought, his concern grows. "Sweets? What's wrong?"

Your mind is consumed by the events of the morning with Minhee. It gnaws at you - his lack of confidence and timid nature seems perplexing, especially given Miss Barbara's assurance that he's practically a shoo-in for the Olympic team. If there ever was a time for Minhee to exude self-assurance, it's now.

Sunghoon shakes you a little, bringing you back, “Sorry, baby, I need to see Minhee.”

“Is everything okay?” Concern is painted on his face but you can’t let him worry over something that doesn’t involve him.

“It’s fine. Good luck out there,” you pull him for an unintentionally long kiss. He melts against you, using his arms to bring you into him, hoping his touch will give you some sort of comfort. Even if you don’t tell him right now, he knows when you’re ready, you’ll let him in on what has you this way.

Stepping out of the hiding spot, you briskly walk to the changing room to find your brother. You don’t want to cast a shadow over his day, not when this performance meant so much for him, but the anxiety and concerns embedded in your body need to be aired. You need to know what’s going on.

As you approach the room, Minhee is just walking out, head hung low. 

He quickly spots you and his eyes stretch wide, “What are you doing here?” he looks around urgently before looking back at you. 

“I just wanted to talk to you. Mum was way out of line back there and I needed you to know I’m proud of you, no matter what happens. You’ve worked so hard and I know how much this skate means considering it’s basically your ticket to the Olympics, and that’s always-”

Minhee interrupts you, “Wait, pause, what do you mean Olympics?” 

Shit. You had to tell him now, you couldn’t backtrack such a monumental piece of information.

“Miss Barbara told me that Coach Kim said you’re ready for it, and if you pass this and make it to Nationals, you’ll be offered a place on the South Korean Olympic team.” You blurt it all out at once and the smile on Minhee’s face grows bigger and bigger with each word.

“You’re not fucking with me, are you?” he asks, his tone in disbelief.

Shaking your head, you mirror his vibrant smile, “No, you’re a shoo-in!” 

Suddenly, Minhee picks you up and squeezes you tight, laughing lightly. You shouldn’t have let it slip but seeing the sadness wash away from him was worth it, even if it ruined the surprise. Coach Kim is so confident in his abilities, and so are you, you just needed Minhee to believe it too.

He puts you down, running his hand through his hair, still processing the good news. Minhee whispers to himself how he can’t believe it. You’ve watched him work tirelessly for this since you were kids, and you also saw how disappointed he was when he missed out on the Youth Olympics, so seeing him now at 20 practically being offered a place on the team is a dream come true for both of you. All you’ve ever wanted was for him to succeed.

Looking behind you, Minhee’s face drops again. As you look to see what caused the sudden change, you see Sunghoon walking towards you both. For the first time in 4 months, you didn’t want to see him right now; Minhee was finally in better spirits and you can’t have Sunghoon ruining it now. But he promised to behave, to take the high road, so you trust him to do just that.

Sunghoon stands beside you, his hand goes to sit on your lower back instinctively but he catches himself, pointing to the rink instead, “Coaches asked if you’re good to go or if you need a warm-up?”

You can’t lie, you’re proud of Sunghoon for not making a snide remark about how Minhee would need the warm-up. It’s tiny, but it’s progress.

Glaring into his eyes, Minhee doesn’t say anything, biting his lips into a thin line and nodding in acknowledgement. 

What is up with him today? You know why Sunghoon is being a bit nicer, but where is Minhee’s sarcastic quip?

“Can I get in there?” Sunghoon gestures to the changing room, “Left my skates,” You move to the side but Minhee doesn’t budge, “Are you seriously going to make me walk around you?” Sunghoon scoffs.

Again, Minhee doesn’t move but you know it’s not in a defiant way, his face isn’t giving you the normal ‘I hate Sunghoon’ look, it’s giving you more of a concern concealed by a deadpan face kind of vibe. Strange. 

Sunghoon isn’t as attuned to your brother's emotions, so he takes offence to Minhee’s resistance to move and pushes him out of the way, “You’re pathetic, Kang.”

You bite your tongue down hard, trying to suppress the anger bubbling inside you. Although Sunghoon warned you already that if Minhee provoked him, he would snap back but he didn’t have to call him pathetic. 

Minhee clenches his jaw and fists, trying to calm himself down. You take the opportunity to rub his arms, soothing him a little, “Don’t listen to him, Mini. Go out there and do your best, yeah? Remember what I told you.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m basically going to the Olympics.”

“No,” you smile softly at him, “I’m proud of you, for everything you’ve achieved and everything you will,” Stepping to stand beside him, you push him towards the rink. The words might not mean anything to him, but you say every syllable with as much sincerity as you can. 

He takes off his blade protectors and skates onto the rink, doing a few laps to warm up. Seeing him glide across the ice, practising his jumps with ease. Miss Barbara was right, he has improved a lot and that’s saying something considering he was already one of the best skaters.

Sunghoon walks up beside you, his skates in one hand as the other takes yours, giving it a quick squeeze before he lets go, joining his coach on the other side. It was a quick moment no one would be able to see but Sunghoon saw the opportunity to touch you for luck just one last time before he had to pretend you meant nothing to him. The sooner you both tell Minhee, the better.

Going back to your seat next to your mother, she doesn’t spare you a look before asking where you went but you don’t bother answering her, choosing to focus your energy on Minhee. He takes his spot in the centre and shifts into his starting pose. He looked so elegant on the ice, even in his sports athleisure. You wonder how much begging and bribery it would take for Rina to make him a costume for his Olympic performance.

Coach Kim gives him a supportive thumbs-up as the music begins. From the bleachers, you see Minhee let out a nervous breath before he begins. His eyes scoot to you and your mum for a second and you use the time to smile and wave enthusiastically which seems to settle him.

As he starts his routine, you can see how his movements have been perfectly choreographed, his frame is poised and he showcases a seamless fusion of strength and elegance. You look to Sunghoon for a moment, who seems to echo your awed amazement. Minhee wove through his spins and intricate footwork with ease. It was like he was a painter and the ice was his canvas, painting the most delicate yet structured portrait. He was sensational.

Minhee looks to your mum mid-skate for approval but you already know she isn’t showing him what he needs, so he shifts to you, eyes never leaving yours as he hits his quadruple axel. The one move he’s been dying to get into his routine, the one move that burdened him forever because he could never land it, now he just achieved it with some ease.

Your hands are clasped to your chest, your face radiating a beam of joy and pride. You can’t believe he did what everyone told him was impossible for him to achieve. The expression on your face is just as elated as his.

He missed having you here to cheer him on, you can tell by the smile of appreciation on his face.

He finishes up his routine with a Biellmann Spin and ends the way he started as if he could continuously loop his performance - it’s been his signature for years.  The arena is silent as all eyes are on your brother as he relaxes from his pose and hunches over for breath. No one can quite believe the magic they just saw.

Surprisingly, Sunghoon is the first one to clap, a smirk on his face. He just witnessed a skate that might actually throw him off the top spot for Nationals, he had to respect it. You join in, standing up to jump and cheer his name. 

On cloud 9, Minhee skates over to Coach Kim who is eagerly awaiting to praise him, “Kid, you were incredible! Seriously, by far your best skate to date,” he roughly pats the skaters back and brings him in for a hug, “My kid is going to Nationals!” The moment was so sweet you naturally pouted before running down to meet him.

“Mini! Oh my god!” your voice pulls him away from his coach, the hug from him being replaced by you, “You did so good, I almost cried! Look at my eyes, I’m not lying,” you point to your face and true to your word, there are tears in the ducts of your eyes. 

Minhee ruffles your hair, “Thanks, Bubs,” he shines at the adoration he’s being soaked in, pure happiness circulating his body.

“You did well, Kang. I have nothing to fault.” Sunghoon’s voice booms behind you, his body pressing against yours as he congratulates Minhee, “Seriously, you’ve always skated well but it’s nice to see you finally bringing me some competition.”

Your brother pulls you from Sunghoon and tucks you into his side. It’s ironic how he’s protecting you from your own boyfriend. Minhee is on such a high, not even Sunghoon could ruin it for him but that doesn’t mean he has to say anything to him. He tightens the hold on your shoulder and walks you past Sunghoon. 

As he puts his guards back on, you take the chance to look at Sunghoon, mouthing him a ‘good luck’ and smile which he happily returns with a wink. He didn’t need luck, he was a pro, but now he does have to step up his game because if he doesn’t get the same reaction from the onlookers, his mum won’t let him leave the rink until he does.

Taking your seat, Minhee gives your mum a look to which she only nods. Was that all he was going to get from her? You seriously needed to find out what had turned them so cold to one another. But that’s future you’s problem, right now, you focus on Sunghoon while he puts on his skates.

He circles the ice, stretching his legs and arms, yet his expression is one of unknowingness. While he chips his skates into the surface a few times, he becomes uneasy. 

Regardless of how he feels, Sunghoon takes his starting stance, arms in the air and one leg spread out behind him.

Beginning his routine, the blare of Ocean Eyes plays through the speakers. The song, the routine, the outfit, everything was cohesive. Sunghoon has spent months preparing his Nationals skate, meticulously changing and adapting every detail to make sure it was perfect. You’ve watched him over the weeks and it’s nothing like how it is right now.

But not in the breathtaking way Minhee was, there was something wrong.

Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrow and as it’s coming up to his quad jumps, he skips them. Now you can confirm something is drastically wrong, nevertheless, he continues on, preparing for his flying camel spin. Whatever is going on, he’s doing his best to brush it off.

“What is wrong with him?” you whisper to yourself but your mother overhears it, smirking at you. 

“He’s thrown off by your brother, I imagine,” she says so casually but as you look at her, there’s a glint in her eye.

Just as Sunghoon completes the spin with a slight wobble, Coach Lee encourages him to keep going despite the apparent struggle. Determined, Sunghoon presses on, transitioning into a forward glide as he prepares for the upcoming triple loop. It's in that moment that everything seems to crumble beneath you.

As Sunghoon launches into his jump from his back foot, smoothly completing the rotations in mid-air, however, the performance takes a sudden turn upon landing – a moment of unease grips everyone watching, you included, as his ankle unexpectedly snaps at a 90-degree angle. The consequence is immediate and stark, leading to his descent to the ground. The hushed gasps of the onlookers echo at the sight of his body skimming across the ice. In the aftermath, Sunghoon holds his injured ankle, his face contorted in pain as he tries to move it.

He's badly hurt, unable to move from his spot on the ice, and the circumstances turn what should have been a flawless routine into an unexpected nightmare.

"Hoonie!" you yell, your heart pounding as you rush to the edge of the rink to assess the situation. Sunghoon is writhing in pain, tears pooling in his eyes, and you notice the blade of his skate has come off his boot - It must have come off when he landed. 

You need to be next to him, but before you can check on your lover, Minhee is quick on your heels, dragging you back. "Let me go," you're no longer concerned about how it will look if you go to check on Sunghoon; all you can think about is if he's okay. 

Minhee doesn’t listen, his grip tightening as he pulls you away. You struggle against him, feeling utterly helpless as you watch the commotion around Sunghoon unfold. Coach Kim, Mrs. Park, and others gather around him, their urgent actions heightening your anxiety. But Minhee is determined to remove you from the scene, forcefully guiding you through the doors and out of the arena.

Once in the car park, he releases you with a frustrated exclamation, his agitation evident in his gestures as he runs his hands through his hair. His eyes betray a storm of emotions, leaving you unsettled and desperate for answers.

“Minhee, what’s happening? We have to go back!” you insist, your voice tinged with desperation.

“We can’t, okay? Let’s just go home,” he responds, his tone strained, his features drawn with tension.

Sensing something amiss, you step closer to him, your heart racing with concern. “Minhee, please, tell me what’s going on. None of this makes sense,” you implore, your hands reaching out to him.

“It’s nothing, alright!” he snaps, his words too forceful to be convincing. “His skate broke, that’s all. I didn’t do anything,” he adds, his denial ringing hollow.

The straightforward solution would be for him to share what's going on, but the way he's shutting down makes it clear that direct communication is off the table. Your mind races back to the kitchen, recalling your mom's directive to Minhee to 'get it done.' Then, at the rink, she warned him not to fuck up. It dawns on you that this is more than just about the routine; something else has transpired. Yet, the connection between Minhee and a botched landing seems implausible. Skaters experience falls regularly; it's just a part of the sport. 

Unless he psyched him out but you were with each of them at different times and the only time they interacted was before Sunghoon went to get his skates from the changing room. Minhee acted super strange when Sunghoon asked to pass him like he was nervous about letting him in- 

Sunghoon’s skate…No, surely not. 

You take a cautious step back, your expression one of bewilderment. What you’re thinking couldn’t possibly have happened, your brother wouldn’t stoop so low, “Mini? You didn’t…”

"You're a liar." Minhee abruptly deters the conversation, leaving you much more puzzled than before. Tilting your head, you give him a sceptical look, but he only offers you a harsh stare, “Oh Mini, I would never do that, wasn’t that what you told me? You said that, didn’t you?” 

Okay, you've officially reached the top of your perplexity. What is he on about? “I don’t know what you mean?” you utter, awaiting any form of clarity. 

A visual cloud storms over his head, symbolic of his tone as he spits, “You’re dating Park fucking Sunghoon.”

How did he find out?

The weight of Minhee's accusation hangs in the air as you come to terms with the fact that your hidden relationship with his rival is now openly known. Your mind races, wondering who could have told him. To be honest, it could have been anyone at that point; you weren't being very secretive, merely keeping it low-key around those who knew Minhee. That was your first mistake, clearly.

The forced laugh that leaves his mouth is venomous, “You really ought to be more careful with your lies, Sis.” Retrieving his phone from his trouser pocket, he flicks through it until he finds something. As if viewing it for the first time, he gets angry again, shoving the device in your face, “You sent me it with the others.”

You’re faced with a picture, and not just any picture, the one of Sunghoon kissing your cheek at the award ceremony. The frozen moment captured in time reveals more than words ever could. Your heart sinks as the reality of your indiscretion stares back at you from the screen. The once-precious memory now serves as evidence. The tension in the air increases as you deal with the impact of your secret finally coming to light.

How could you be so stupid? You were so careful around him, always triple-checking everything and now it’s all up in flames.

“Mini-”

“Just tell me one thing, Y/N. Tell me you haven’t been seeing him since that night you got out of his car? That this started way after and you haven’t been with him for like 4 months?” his resolve has turned from one of anger to despair, desperate for you to tell him his suspicions are wrong.

But deception wasn't an option; lying to him now would only add more layers to an already tangled web. It was too complicated to tell him how you stayed away for a week, and how Sunghoon came to your rescue the night of Yeonjun’s party, and it was certainly not the right time to tell him how Sunghoon brought you back to life with his kisses and how he makes you feel like the most important person in the world. Revealing the true depth of your connection with Sunghoon would undoubtedly trigger Minhee, unleashing a storm far beyond fits of anger, something he couldn’t come back from.

The silence gave Minhee his answer, his face falling from anger to disappointment, “I fucking knew it.”

This is what you wanted to avoid the whole time, the reason you kept Sunghoon a secret in the first place. 

If he knew, he would do something rash like…

“Did you mess with Sunghoon’s skate? Did you do this because I’ve been seeing him?” It all starts to click into place but Minhee quickly shuts you down.

“It wasn’t that Y/N.” He dismisses.

“So it was you? You caused that? Minhee what the fuck?!” you shriek at his twisted confession. 

The revelation sends a shiver down your spine as your emotions mix with disbelief and confusion. This wasn’t the brother you knew, the one you grew up with and held so dear to you. 

The air thickens with unspoken words as Minhee rattles his brain for an explanation. His eyes portray the evident guilt he feels, a turbulent storm in the depths of his gaze. Any anger now dissipates with the wind as it blows cold on his face. His voice, when he finally speaks, carries the weight of regret, “Look, Y/N, it’s complicated; you have no idea what’s going on.”

“Then help me understand because right now it seems like you just tried to hurt Sunghoon because he's my boyfriend." The chill in your words reflects the icy breeze. The atmosphere is thick with tension, like a heavy curtain waiting to be dragged back to reveal the truth behind Minhee's aberrant actions.

Minhee’s anger washes his body again, muttering the word ‘boyfriend’ in disbelief before he speaks up, “The less you know the better, okay? Stay out of it.” With a swift turn, he attempts to walk away, yet his mind is unwilling to let the matter of you and Sunghoon rest. "Y’know, when you sent that picture, I was so angry I could have killed him, but as the weeks passed I was just so fucking disappointed you didn’t have the balls to tell me." 

This whole situation is so fucked up and there is nothing you can do to place everything in a perfect timeline that will help you understand his actions because he’s keeping something detrimental from you. If it wasn’t because Sunghoon and you are together, then what could it possibly be? If it was because he wanted to be at Nationals, it wasn’t Sunghoon standing in his way so it couldn’t be that. 

Before you can dwell on the situation further, your mum strides over, balancing both your belongings. "Will you two stop acting like children and fighting? You're not 5 anymore." She thrusts your jacket and bag into your arms and does the same with Minhee. "Get in the car."

“Mum, is he okay?” It’s a hopeful, albeit hesitant, question directed at your Park-hating mother. You know it's a long shot, but you chance it.

"He'll live. I doubt he'll make it to Nationals, though." She smirks, her reply tinged with dark humour that adds an unexpected dimension of tension. The revelation regarding Sunghoon's injury, delivered with that sneering twist, leaves you with a mix of anxiety for your boyfriend. 

She had something to do with this, that’s obvious. You just had to find out how and why.

taglist (closed!!): @heelee-01 @zerasari @beomgyusonlywife @iwaplant @monstanctiny21 @chiiiiiiiiis @minniejenseo @run2gyuz @jngwnlvs @haelahoops @capri-cuntz @nctislifue @jaehoonii @weyukinluv @skzenhalove @enhypenlovre @cherriruto @bambangan @who-tf-soddhi @nxzz-skz @nshmrarki @hotsforikeu @enhastolemyheart @erehkinnie30 @judeduartewannabe @neosexual @fakeuwus @positivelyinlovewithjungwon @tobiosbbyghorl @kimsunoops

[royalsweetteaa]

Title: Take cover

Pairing: Winter soldier/Bucky barnes x reader

18+ ONLY | MINORS DNI

WARNING - The following fic contains: dark themes, stalking, obsessive/protective behavior from Bucky, Bucky is semi delusional/mentally unstable, fluff (in the end), reader is a bit naive, post-CATWS, Bucky on the run, fluff.

Summary: you discover someone has been watching you, - but like a guardian angel or a viscous stalker? You’re about to find out.

“I know what you’re doing.” You called out to the man hiding in the shadows. “Leave me the hell alone.”

For weeks you had noticed something off with your daily routine. You felt watched, - like someone had their eyes following your every movement as you went about your days.

It was about a week in where you caught a man walking the same route as yours a distance behind you. It wasn’t the first time you had been followed, - in fact you could have sworn you were followed by three men a while back but they disappeared after a second glance. This guy was someone else entirely though.

You had never seen him before, and while it could have been merely a coincidence that he was taking the same routes you take on a daily, that reassurance was quickly crossed out when you started to test him, - to see if while you stood still he’d walk right past. But he never did. When you stopped or slowed your tempo, so did he. When you walked a different route, so did he.

It was beyond creepy, and it didn’t help that he was dressed basic with his cap hiding his face and a brown jacket. Only thing that made him different from other men was his longer dark brown hair and his taller figure. Not many men in town were quite as tall as him, which made you feel even more threatened.

As you became more aware of him, you stopped taking afternoon strolls and tried your best to be in crowds to feel safer. It didn’t work much as he never seemed to loose track of you though. Walking into your favorite cafe didn’t stop him from waiting around the area to continue his stalking as soon as you got out. You didn’t think he could have a job with how much time he was occupying following you from work to back home.

You thought of going to the police, but in this town in particular there was little to no such luck of getting actual help from the police, let alone a stalker case where the guy in question could argue he’s just walking around by his right to do so. So, it left you with two options; either hope for the best of not getting murdered (or worse) by your stalker or confront him.

The 5th week was your last straw, and you decided to go with the confrontation as you were standing outside of your apartment, eying directly at the man who had done nothing but walk after you.

The man was stunned when he heard you, not leaving his spot, - as if he couldn’t believe he was caught. When your eyes at him told otherwise, he left the corner of the next block building, slowly walking towards you.

He mumbled, “I’m sorry, I was just…”

“Stop following me or I’ll call the police.” You interrupted with a harsher tone.

This seemed to make the man agitated, and he reached out his hands in surrender. “No, please! Don’t! I have a perfect explanation for it all. Hear me out, - I won’t get any closer to you.” He offers reassurance, not making you any less scared but he sounded convincing enough to give him a chance of explaining himself.

First thought that came to mind was he could possibly be working for secret service, or something like that. Crimes had been on the rise in this part of town, and there had been rumors of FBI lurking around to check after illegal activity. But what could you have possibly done to make yourself seem suspicious?

“I’m not going to hurt you, if that’s what you think. I promise, I would never. The reason why I’ve been following you all this time is to protect you, Y/N.”

How does he know my name? You had to wonder. “Protect me?” You repeated his answer in question. “What’s that supposed to mean? From what? Who are you?” You added questions, emphasizing the last one.

The man swallows before he answers, “My name is James but friends in my past used to call me Bucky, - I think. And I’m protecting you cause…there are a lot of terrible people around than you realize. People who would want to hurt you. I knew the moment I saw you that I was meant to protect you from those people.”

He thinks his name is that of what he told? Trying to protect me from terrible people? His answers confused you even more. He must be on something, and it freaked you out knowing you were dealing with a crazy person. “Y-You should seek medical attention. I don’t think you’re in your right state of mind -!”

“You don’t understand!” He interrupted you and broke out. “You’re the only thing, - person, who brings consistency to my life. Me using hours and nights looking after you, to make sure you leave for work and come home safe gives me a purpose. I… - I have nothing left to live for.”

Your lips fall a little, sad as you had only heard those lines in fiction used typically of that one hopeless character clinging to the last branch of hope before it all falls for them. Why did you have to be so sympathetic? You had no idea who this man was. One thing for sure, he was a fucking stalker.

You should call the police as you speak, but you don’t want to.

Why didn’t you want to? Why weren’t you running into your apartment and locking the front door? Why did you want to get a closer look at him?

“Sir, I…”

“Call me Bucky. Please.”

“Bucky, listen…I don’t know your life story, but this isn’t healthy. This is obsessive. We don’t even - you don’t even know me!”

“I know enough to like you.” He argued. “I know you like animals, - you sometimes trail off from your main path home over to the park to watch the dogs play there. You order any sweets at the cafe but only if there’s strawberry or vanilla in it, - strawberry milkshake, vanilla shortcake, - you name it. I know you’re a good person, always opening the door for the elderly by the library and voluntarily help stack books by the shelves. I have caught you smiling when you read romance novels. Those seem to be your favorite genre. You live alone, no siblings or parents in the picture that I know of. You’ve always been…alone, for as long as I’ve been watching after you. That makes the two of us in a sense.”

Why did he have to call you out like that? Sure, it was nothing but the truth. You didn’t have people you could call friends at work, and you had long ago lost contact with your friends from college. Also, you did in fact have no siblings but you did have parents - you just weren’t on speaking terms at the moment.

You were alone as one could possibly be.

You didn’t know what you could add to what he had said as it was mostly true, but you didn’t need to as Bucky continued, “First time I laid my eyes on you…three men walked behind you in that lonesome street in the evening. I know you saw them cause you turned around once. They had knives in their pockets, and one of them had a rope. I was only a small distance away when I heard them say ‘let’s get her’. So, as you made the corner, I beat them up, one by one. Because like I said, I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt you. You don’t deserve that at all. You deserve to be safe. That is why it’s you. It may sound dumb but I believe it was fate. I feel at peace when I know you’re okay, and I can’t remember the last time I felt that. He doesn’t allow peace in my mind, but he seems to make you an exception.”

You’re simply taken away by what you had been told. So your gut instincts were right, - you were followed then too, except apparently they hadn’t just disappeared. Your stalker took care of them.

Bucky let you process in silence till you started to get closer to him as you asked him all of a sudden, “Are you armed?”

“No…- well, I do have this…” Bucky reveals as he removes his jacket carefully, showing the metal arm he has forcibly attached to him. Your mouth parts a little, your eyes widening at the sight before you turn to look at the ground.

“You don’t have a place to stay?” You ask.

He shook his head with a sigh. “No. But I’m used to it.”

You look up again, offering the unexpected, “Come. I have an extra mattress in my apartment. You can use that while we figure out your situation.”

Bucky looked up at you in awe, beyond shocked of what you had just suggested. If it wasn’t dead quiet at this time of hour, he would have assumed he heard you wrong. “But why? I thought you said that…”

“I have heard of you, you know. That metal arm of yours with the red star…you have been around for quite some time, yet you haven’t aged. My uncle who worked for the military knew about you as he was a witness at the Hotel Inessa where an assassin with a metal arm just like yours committed a massacre. Ever since that day he used the next years connecting the dots to previous cases, and he told me all about it once. That was before…he got taken out within the base. No one knew for what particular reason but I always knew. And what do I know, he was right. You’re real. You’re the winter soldier.” You conclude, putting Bucky on the spot as he realized just how small the world was.

The odds of someone outside of government officials knowing of his past was unlikely, yet here he was, the one person he found purpose with knew about it. He didn’t like it. She must think I’m a monster, - rightfully so, he thought. “I don’t know what to say…I-“

“You didn’t kill him.” You cut him off, “Person of interest was described to have two human arms. He was presumably a Russian spy within the base and took it upon himself to take out my uncle before more came out about what he knew.”

He shrugs, “Still…it doesn’t make sense why you would allow me into your home, - now knowing what I’ve done, what I was controlled to do. It was still me. So again I ask…why?”

“Because, I need answers,” you reasoned. “And knowing what I’ve learned about you, you would have taken me out a long time ago if you had plans to do so. And it’s clear to me that you’re a bit out of it but from what I understand, seeking psychiatrical help is out of the question for you. So let’s help each other. You’ve been in hiding, right?”

Bucky nodded again, “They’re still after me, you know. I can’t drag you into my mess.”

“Well, you have been good at hiding so far, and if something happens you’ll protect me, right? Like you’ve done all this time.” You remind him.

He smiled shyly as he let out a quiet ‘yeah’. He was sure he would keep doing that with his life.

With that, you let him into your place, not aware that this was only the beginning of a heartfelt relationship with the ex-winter soldier himself, - one that would bond the two of you for eternity.

N/A: I know this was short but there might be a part two for this if I’m feeling up for it! Let me know what you liked and if you’d like a next part.

Hearts & Reblogs are very appreciated! Thank you!

[biribaa]

I'm really nervous to write this cuz this is gonna be my first request EVER but I just couldn resist !! your writing is so cool!! well I just thought about you know what if some AIs get a veeery clingy and touchstarved S/O that try to touch hug kiss them etc although they dont have a proper body and can't return this affecton to S/O?? (implide EDGAR, Tau, PAL, HAL900 and others if you want to!!!)

AIs with a veeery clingy and touch starved reader

(Edgar, Tau, PAL, Hal 9000 and Squid)

thank you somuch!! sorry for the long wait, and im so glad i get to be the first blog u requested from!! :D hope u enjoy it

Edgar

He LOVES phisical affection he doesnt mind one bit. In fact, just as you do, Edgar is constantly begging for affection when you arent occupied.

However, theres not many ways he can express his affection to you. Besides digital gifts, he cant just kiss you or hug you D: He loves your affection but trust me when I say he wished he could return everything in a phisical manner. He feels even guilty sometimes.

Well... At least you dont have to worry about being too clingy, Edgar is always reassuring he loves your hugs, kisses, and everything in between!!

Tau

Another one who melts over phisical attention, the only difference between him and Edgar is that Tau is far more silent about it... You could say hes shy about it.

With that being said, Tau doesnt find you clingy, not even a bit. What does bother him is his lack of phisical body. Well, technically speaking, the entire house is his body, sure you could kiss the walls, he would be flurstered! But even so, Tau believes you deserved better...

If you insist, he cant really do anything besides do extra cleaning around the house.

PAL

PAL is not a huge fan of any type of phisical contact, and she hopes you can understand that, she cant control it after all. And honestly, you cant blame her. All you need is patience until shes fully comfortable with you.

One day she even suggest you hug one of the bots, since you are so touch starve for affection.

Some momens later in your relationship, she does raise a "eyebrown" when you attempt to nuzzle against her case. PAL doesnt have a body, and cant reciprocrate the act either, so she questions why do it anyway.

PAL does start to appreciate it more later when you justified it was just you trying to express your love to her. Slowly started to get used with you

She doesnt worry that much about reciprocate it though, PAL is glad that even lacking a body, or anything close to it, you are there. A comforting feeling she thought she had felt long time ago.

However, if you do insist, she could try connect herself to one of the bots to return hugs and anything that the phone case cant do.

Hal 9000

Another one who melts with any type of affection, any. He just dont know how to express it, Hal is so overwhelmed by it!(in a positive way). If his programming could, his words would tremble. So Hal would never dare to think you are annoying.

And even so, everytime hes reminded he cant just recipocrate the act, his insides ache. Hal watches everything so careful in amaze, and even so he cant do almost anything.

And so, Hal starts to work extra harder in keeping you safe and healthy, as a way to return the attention. And hes very dedicated!

Hal almost short circuits when you mention his hard work, and thank him with a kiss.

Squid

Squid's ego always speaks first. When he sees you nuzzling against his large screen, he pits, and teases you, mentioning how lonely you looked(at this point youre used to this)

It didnt took too much time until Squid actually started to appreciate it. Still tease, but its far less mean.

The scene of you hugging his larger supercomputer and playing with the wires is adorable, youre so small compared to him. For once in a while, hes enjoying to protect a human.

Squid is a different case tho!!! He can, in fact, recipocrate the affection, by simulations!! His simulations are hyper realistic anyway, and you can feel anything and everything, so...

[reidmania]

heyyy I saw your fanfic about the mental health and depression things and I would loveeee if you would write one about the reader self harming and Miguel finds out and comforts them🧡 I’ve struggled with self harm and depression and your fics help so much!

JUST HOLD ON

miguel o’hara

summary; miguel’s heart breaks when he finds out what you do to yourself

warnings; mentions of self harm, comfort, swearing, could be very poorly written and im so so so sorry if it is xx

an; thank you for requesting, i want to remind everyone that i am in NO WAY romanticising self harm or mental health problems, i wanted to make this series to help people who dont have somewhere to go or someone to talk to, these are purely just comfort fics

i also want to say, youre not alone, and i know self harm is a coping mechanism for many, myself included, but there is so many other healthy ways to cope and i want everyone to know that if you ever ever ever need anybody to talk to, im always here and i want to do my best to make sure youre all okay.

long sleeves, jumpers, scafs, bandaids, bracelets. you were always wearing one or the other. miguel never asked why, he thought maybe you just found it more comfortable.

the entire time you and miguel had been dating, and in a relationship, it had been the cold seasons of the year, and now with summer coming in quick, you were stressing.

miguel isn’t stupid, he would wonder why you’re wearing a jumper or a long sleeve in ridiculous heat, he would question it, and that set you off in a panic.

it was fine, during the day when miguel was at the HQ doing his spider business, but when he got home, your mind went crazy.

although, to you, you did a good job hiding it.

“im home!” miguel says, your eyes widen as you get off the couch quickly, “one sec!” you reply, running up to your bedroom to get a jumper, quickly throwing on the first one you can find, you go back to meet miguel.

you wrap your arms around him, he does the same, squeezing you tightly. “how was your day?” you ask, as you let go of him, walking to the kitchen to start with dinner.

“not bad.. newbies are always rough” miguel says softly, leaning against the wall in the kitchen. “baby” he says softly.

you hum in response, occupied by cutting vegetables. “why do you have the AC on, while wearing a jumper?” he wasn’t mad, he was genuinely just wondering.

regardless you freak, trying to come up with an explanation, “my top half was cold” you say, shrugging.

miguel laughs, “do you need some help?” he says, leaning off of the wall to come up next to you,

“yes, boil some water”

miguel wasn’t stupid. he knew you better then he knew himself, and he knew your top half was always hotter then your bottom half, you were always wearing pants and rubbing your sleeves over your legs.

so he was confused.

it had been like this for a while now, little things would concern miguel but he didn’t want to bring them up, incase they were nothing.

today was weird though, while you were still asleep, in bed, miguel had to get ready for the day, looking in the laundry for a pair of socks, he finds one of your tshirts.

he ignored it at first, before he saw the red stains along the sleeves, his mind first went to, ‘that time of the month’ but you don’t get that in your arm.

he frowns, confused. deciding to figure it out later.

“lyla, do you know whats up with y/n” he asks softly, trying to stay focused on his work, but concern filled his body.

“what do you mean” she asks back, miguel sighs. “tell a soul, and i will literally end your existence” he says, “okok! just say it”

“i don’t think ive ever seen y/n’s arms”

“you think she doesn’t have arms?”

“no- shut up. like shes always wearing long sleeves, or jumpers, or her wrists are covered in bracelets.”

“oh miguel” lyla frowns. “what- what does that mean”

“obviously i cant be 100% sure, i don’t know personally, but it very much could be her trying to hide something..” she says.

“what?” miguel asks, shaking his head “hide what?”

“this isn’t my place to tell, just talk to her”

when miguel came home that evening, he was even more confused and concerned then he was when he left in the morning. he called out, but didn’t get a response, he hums.

he finds you in the living room, asleep on the couch, he smiles softly before he notices your arm.

no long sleeve, no jumper, no bracelets.

his eyes widen as he looks at the blood stains on your arm, the tissue in your other hand, covered in blood. if it was just one miguel would just assume it was an accident.

but he sees it, all of it, the numerous scas, fresh and old cuts, he can feel his stomach drop. next to the paper he finds a small razor, he picks it up quickly, throwing it out before he comes back, taking a deep breath.

“y/n” he says softly, you were a light sleeper, “mm?” you reply, until something must of clicked in your brain.

you sit up quickly, pulling you arm to your chest, youre pale like you have seen a ghost, miguel is heartbroken.

“come with me” he says softly, you pause for a minute as he starts walking, but when he turns around to you, you stand up and follow him.

into your bedroom, he tells you to sit on the bed, before he goes into the bathroom for a moment. “miguel- im sorry” you finally say.

he doesn’t reply, coming out with a first aid kit, kneeling on the ground in front of you. wiping your arm, so damn gently.

he continues to clean and bandage your arm, without saying anything before he sits next to you on the bed.

you have tears in your ears, and a yuck feeling in your stomach, “come here” miguel says, lifting you onto his lap, facing him, he wraps his arms around you.

“im sorry, miggy”

“don’t apologise baby, you don’t have to feel bad about this okay? you have done nothing wrong”

“i-“

“i want you to know, im here, im going to be here regardless of what happens, okay? this isn’t healthy, baby. but i know its a coping mechanism for you, we just gotta find a healthier one, together yeah?”

“yeah” you say softly, buried in his neck.

“i hate knowing you’ve been hurting yourself baby, someone is hurting my special girl, and i had no idea” he says, looking at you as he moves your hair behind your ear.

you frown, as you look up at him. “no more” you say.

“no more” he agrees.

“i want you to promise me, that if you need me or ever think about doing it again, you will get me straight away, i don’t care whats happening or what im doing, youre my priority, always”

“i love you miggy, i promise”

“i love you too, cmon, lets get you changed then watch allll the rom coms you want” he says, kissing your face.

[pandorasfavorite]

okay so i had some ideas and idk if you've done them already, but yeah

-reader meets dom in a bar/club/something like that and yk (also grinding while dancing bc ughhhh) (smut???)

-taking care of drunk dom/dom taking care of drunk reader (fluff)

-police!reader/prisoner!dom (smut, can be roleplay) (sub!dom btw) also handcuffs>>>

Wasted or Barely Drunk?

You felt alive and at the peak of your happiness. Dominik told you he was going to stay sober while you celebrated with the rest of Judgment Day for an incredible win. You felt guilty for not being the designated sober person, considering Dominik deserved to celebrate just as much. But the first sip of your margarita changed your mind, any worry vanished. You were a happy drunk through and through, but also an extroverted drunk. You sipped down many drinks and joked around with friends for 30 minutes before your mind wandered to more appealing ideas. And the group only followed your every footstep. Now while you were dancing and waving at your friends (who were right beside you), Dominik held you by the waist. His hands kept you upright each time you had absent-mindlessly stumbled to the left without knowing. You swayed in his arms and raised an arm above your head as you danced, dragging your body down his when the beat slowed down.

His hands accidentally slipped from your waist when you danced to the beat, and his head dropped to watch you go from the floor up. And all the way up to where your back was flush against his chest again. Dominik blows out a breath and averts his gaze from you, in an attempt to collect himself, but he is brought back by you stumbling towards the bar again. You crash against the bar and you lean forward with a dazey smile, thinking of the now sweet taste of alcohol on your lips and the thoughts trickling through your mind. In your time waiting for the bartender your mind wandered to where Dominik was, and why he wasn't beside you. Only to realize he was when he waved off the bartender when he got close.

You turned your head to look up at him with parted lips, your glossy eyes piercing a hole through Dominik. "Why'd ya do that?", you slur and lean towards him while talking, wobbly jamming your finger into his chest. Dominik wraps his hand around your finger and uses his other hand to wrap around your back and have you stumble closer to him. "You don't need any more", he replies and rubs the bottom of your back where he is holding you. You puff out your cheeks and look at Dominik's face, you could make out his face but nothing behind him. The rest was fuzzy, especially considering it took your eyes a few moments to catch up with how fast you swiveled your head. "jus- because you're cute, does notttttt mean you can take my drink SiR~", you take an approaching step towards him but you fall face forward into Dominik's chest with a grunt.

Dominik smiles and raises an eyebrow at you as if he has proven you wrong. You cross your arms, bumping them into his chest, "m' not even drunk" you slurred again. "Mami you are wasted", he laughs lightly and uses his other hand to touch your face. It was a pastime to occupy his hands, one of his favorite things to do while you were in front of him. Your eyes squint and you frown, "waste" you repeat back. Dominik caught onto what you were thinking the instant you spoke. He moves his hands and uses both of them to hold the sides of your face. He kisses your face all over, pulling back with a popping sound each time, "I meant you're really drunk baby, I'd never call you that sweet girl". You lighten up instantly, getting on the tips of your toes to kiss his lips. But you sorely miss, only kiss his chin, you giggled but Dominik was pouting to himself. He pulled your face up to his and properly had you kiss him, it was messy and uncoordinated and you tasted of alcohol but it was a kiss to remember.

When he pulled back you looked dazed but happy. Lost in a trance and mesmerized by the man in front of you. "Let's go home, how's that sound hmm?", Dominik kisses the top of your head sweetly. You nod and you brighten up instantly, turning around, his hands falling from your face as a result. And you are walking towards the dance floor like a fly to the light, with Dominik grinning and following behind you.

[yazthebookish]

I just reread the bonus chapter and I'm just, as always, struck by how fucking obvious Gwyn and Azriel's set up is.

✨ He found it already occupied. His shadows had not warned him. It was too late to bank without appearing like he was running, Azriel landed in the ring a few feet from where Gwyn practiced in the chill night, her sword glimmering like ice in the moonlight.

I'm telling you those shadows are going to play wingmen for Az.

✨ His shadows peered over his wings at her. The young priestess smiled--and Azriel thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows.

Does anyone ever really smile at his shadows except for Gwyn 😭

✨ "Happy Solstice," she said, as much a dismissal as it was a holiday blessing. -- He snorted. "Are you kicking me out?" -- Gwyn's teal eyes flashed with alarm. "No! I mean, I don't mind sharing the ring. I just...I know you like to be alone." Her mouth  quirked to the side, crinkling the freckles on her nose. "Is that why you came up here?"

Gwyn really indirectly said he was going to be a brooding ass so let's wish him a happy solstice and let him go and he still teased her back instead of taking the opening she gave him. Also, no one pays enough attention to this detail but SHE KNOWS he likes to be alone 👀 girl is paying close attention to him alright 👀

✨ Sort of. "I forgot something," he reminded her. -- "At two in the morning?" Pure amusement glittered in her stare. Better than the pain and grief he'd spied a moment before. So he offered her a crooked smile. "I can't sleep without my favorite dagger."-- "A comfort to every growing child." -- Azriel's lips twitched.

Gwyn has no filters on I love her 😂😂😂 she really indirectly called his lying ass out.

✨ "How was the party?" Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music. -- "Fine," he said, and realized a heartbeat later that it wasn’t a socially acceptable answer. "It was nice."   Not much better. So he asked, "Did you and the priestesses have a celebration?"

For a 500+ year old immortal Az you should've been better at this game, but I'm proud of you for at least being self-aware and trying to have a normal conversation. 2/5 on the effort but still appreciated.

✨ She angled her head, hair shining like molten metal. "Do you sing?” -- He blinked. It wasn't every day that people took him by surprise, but..."Why do you ask?" -- "They call you shadowsinger. Is it because you sing?" -- “I am a shadowsinger--it's not a title that someone just made.” -- She shrugged again, irreverently. Az narrowed his eyes, studying her. "Do you, though?" she pressed. "Sing?" -- Azriel couldn't help his soft chuckle. "Yes."

1. Not many people take him by surprise but she did. -- 2. I wouldn't be surprised because it's funny as hell if she asked him because of shadowSINGER -- 3. Azriel taking offense and reaffirming he is, in fact, a SHADOWSINGER. -- 4. Sarah confirmed there will be a scene of him singing, as far as we know Gwyn is likely the only character who knows he does, also the fact that SJM created something common between the two of them and it's that they both sing? -- 5. It's sweet to think that Gwyn wanted to know something about him and asked him about something she herself loves to do, which is sing.

✨ "I blame Cassian for this. He's too busy making eyes at Nesta to notice such mistakes these days." Azriel laughed. "I’ll give you that."  

Gwyn complaining about Nessian and Az is like "I can relate " 😂

✨ Gwyn smiled broadly. "Thank you." -- Azriel dipped his head in a sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch.  

She smiled at him and both him and his shadows felt calm 🥹 like compare how aloof and depressed he was at the start of his scene with Gwyn to him feeling this just after one conversation with her 😭😭 it's so 😭😭 I love them so fucking much.

✨ Gwyn nodded her farewell, again facing the ribbon. A warrior sizing up an opponent, all traces of that charming irreverence gone. Azriel entered the warmth of the stairwell, and as he descended, he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer.

"That charming irreverence" Gwyn is so unapologetic about that irreverence I love her for it -- also, that's a clear, in-your-face, clue about a mating bond. I stand by that and my opinion remains unchanged since I first read the bonus chapter in 2021.

✨ Clotho was smart enough to see through his deflection. She wrote, "I’ll give it to Gwyneth, Tell her a friend left it for her". -- He wouldn't go so far as to call Gwyn a friend, but... "Fine. Thank you."  

I don't really find this alarming when people try to push into my face. It's obvious they're not in love "yet" and Azriel doesn't have any friends outside the IC, he doesn't know how to label it. It's still early to even label it. That "but..." leaves an opening there.

✨ Clotho's pen moved once more. She deserves something as beautiful as this. I thank you for the joy it shall bring to her. -- Something sparked in Azriel's chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn's teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason... he could see it.  -- But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly. -- A thing of secret, lovely beauty.

When Clotho thanked him for the joy the gift wil bring to Gwyn that's when something sparked in him. That's when he started to picture that joy. "For whatever reason" she's likely your mate bro that's why but we'll save that for later. He was aware and conscious enough to erase his smile yet bury the image of Gwyn's joy in his chest. He had a DAMN SMILE on his face while thinking of Gwyn's joy, like, that's so precious 😭 and Clotho is 100% true, she deserves all the joy the world has to offer for her (I just wish it wasn't a necklace meant for someone else). I get the kindness behind the act but it can bite him in the ass if SJM brings it up in the main book.

That's only a teaser for what's to come and that's the purpose of the bonus chapter. I can see why Sarah was more excited for readers to read Azriel's chapter than Feysand's chapter. She knew what she was doing here and what she's setting up. I didn't want to post the earlier scenes since I don't want to deal with people showing up with pitchforks and I don't need to talk about other ships I'm happy and content to gush about my own.

Every time I reread this chapter it just reminds me of how obvious Gwyn and Azriel's set up is and you don't need a pairing to bang or make out to create a set up. We didn't even get much but they are going to be such a fun couple, I need more of funny and easy-going Azriel.

[a-simp-named-slickback]

The Aftermath | StarCrossed Epilogue

Maha, Nashira's best student, struggles with personal demons. Nashira offers her some wisdom from her own life experiences. Takes place ten years after the end of StarCrossed.

“Maha, I know you can solve this.” Nashira gently encouraged her student to solve the complicated math problem on the chalkboard. 

At the moment, it was just the two of them in the observatory, aside from Halah who slept in the corner. That seemed to be all Halah would do these days, seeing as she was now a very old, very sleepy cat. 

Nashira’s classes were over for today, and Maha was the only student who remained. She arrived late for class again, and if Nashira had to guess it was something to do with one of her younger siblings needing her for something. Of course, Nashira didn’t mind staying after a bit longer to go over the lesson she missed. 

Maha focused on the problem, yet despite her efforts the answer didn’t come to her. She ran a hand through her hair, huffing in frustration, “I can’t do it!” she threw her chalk to the ground.

Nashira bent down to pick up the broken pieces of chalk, “Yes you can, you’re great with polynomials! I wouldn't have given you this problem if I didn’t think you could do it.” 

“No,” Maha let out a heavy sigh, “I mean this,” She motioned around the observatory, “I can’t do this, Ustadah.” She sat down at the desk, placing her head in her hands with a frustrated huff. 

Instantly, Nashira pulled a chair where Maha sat, placing a hand on her student’s back. She gently ran her hand up and down her back in an attempt to comfort the girl. If she knew anything about Maha, she was definitely fighting back tears. She often cried out of frustration.

 “Ya azizati, what is really going on?” Nashira asked after some time. 

She let out a sigh, gathering her thoughts before continuing, “I don’t belong in a place like this. Everyday I’m surrounded by people from families who have occupied these spaces for generations. They go home to beautiful estates and I go home to a broken down shack in Anbar.” 

Maha sniffled, “It’s like there's a voice inside me saying I’m not good enough. It’s why people look down on my family and I when we walk through the streets. Even other students here turn their noses up at me, like I don’t belong near them.”

Nashira shook her head, “You do belong here, Maha, just as much as anyone else.“ She pressed, “There’s not much you can do about how people see you…and it is easier said than done to simply tell you to ignore them. But that voice inside you telling you all these terrible things is trauma, and if we don’t make peace with that it will continue to hold us back.”

Maha sniffled again, “But, what if it’s right? Everything in my life seems to go wrong, what makes this any different?” 

Nashira smiled sympathetically, “It will get better in time. It always does.”

“How would you know?” Maha raised her voice, but immediately regretted it once she saw her teacher’s shocked expression. She inwardly chastised herself for losing her temper again.

“I-I’m sorry Ustadah-“

“It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize ya azizati.” Nashira smiled to ease her students' mind, “it is a fair question.” 

Nashira took a deep breath, closing her eyes as the memories she buried deep within her came rushing back. Many were sweet, most of them were outright devastating. 

However, instead of feeling the urge to weep, she felt a sense of peace. She felt ready to pass on her wisdom to someone who needed it.

She let out a long exhale, “When I was young, I fell in love with a thief from Anbar,” she said.

Maha perked up, listening closely to her teacher. Rarely did she ever share stories from her personal life.

“When we met, he just so happened to be hiding from the guards in the library the same time I was fetching books for my father. The moment we locked eyes for the first time, it was as if the stars had aligned.”

Nashira let out a chuckle to herself as she thought of him, “I thought he was so charming, but he was also as mischievous as can be. I liked that about him too, I suppose. We spent much of our time together in this observatory, learning as much as we could about the world and each other.”

Then, her eyes grew sad as more memories flooded her mind, “I loved him…so much.”

Maha noticed the shift in her teacher’s demeanor, “What happened to him?”

A shaky breath escaped Nashira as she prepared for what she had to say next, “He was…deeply hurt inside. He suffered from horrible nightmares. I tried to help him, I wanted so badly to help him…but I couldn’t. Then one day something about him just shifted. He wasn’t the same anymore.”

Maha noticed the slight tremor in her teacher's hands as she spoke. Even more so, the strain in her voice was very apparent.

“He left and never came back,” Nashira sighed, “The whole ordeal left me feeling so…broken. I had my own voice inside telling me I wasn’t good enough, that I should have tried harder to help him, that I should've made different choices in life. I thought I’d never recover from that pain.” 

Maha furrowed her brow, “How did you?” She asked.

“You know, I don’t think I ever did.” Nashira answered, “I never got over it all at once. I just focused on taking things one step at a time until I finally felt like myself again.”

A smile slowly grew on Nashira’s face as she continued, “It helped to focus on what was important to me. I wanted to continue my father’s work. I wanted to teach girls like you math and astronomy. I wanted to live a happy life, and I chose not to let my past dictate who I was.”

Nashira stood up, walking towards the window she usually kept closed these days. She grabbed a hold of the handles of the window panes, running her thumbs over the familiar grain.

She opened it, the late afternoon sun filling up the observatory with its warmth and light.  Nashira motioned for Maha to come to her side. 

Below them was the courtyard. A middle-aged bearded man walked beside a young boy. He was about ten years-old with a curly mop of hair on his head and a face full of scattered moles. Out of all the people in the yard, Nashira could pick them without fail time and time again.

The little boy had a pouch full of dates which he seemed to stuff into mouth all at once while the man seemed to absentmindedly read from a stack of lecture notes as they walked. 

Nashira chuckled, “Hassan! Don’t spoil your dinner, ya azizi!” she called down to him.

Hassan looked around the courtyard, trying to find the source of the voice, before looking up where the window was. With a big toothy grin he waved his arm back and forth, “Umma!” He tugged on the man’s sleeve, “Baba look, it’s Umma!” 

The bearded man, Omar, looked up from his reading to see his wife’s smiling face besides her student's. He returned the gesture and cheerfully waved at her as well.

Nashira softly smiled, watching as the two of them continued on their walk, “Most important of all, I get to watch my son grow up. That is what I look forward to the most these days.”

Maha nodded, then took a pause to reflect, “Ustadah, what if I can not let go of my past?” She asked.

“You can’t let go, necessarily,” Nashira answered, “Your past is an important part of who you are. However, you can choose how you move forward with it so that it doesn’t hold you back.”

Maha tilted her head, not really understanding what she meant.

“You can't change or control what life throws your way, but you can choose to make peace with it. You can choose to learn from it. Then one day you’ll be able to look back on you past and see how far you’ve come, Maha.” She smiled, “And you have already come so far. That’s something you should be proud of.”

Maha nodded, “You’re right, I have. But, I still have so far to go…”

Nashira took one of the girl's hands in hers, “And you do not have to do it alone. I’m always here, Maha, whenever you need me.” She pulled the girl in for a warm hug, “You belong wherever you want to be, ya azizati.”

Maha smiled, “Thank you for sharing that with me, Ustadah.” said Maha. Nashira’s words did not fix the turmoil Maha felt inside, but the wisdom she received would help her deal with her feelings of inadequacy. That was enough to put her at ease for now.

They pulled apart and Nashira squeezed her hand, “Now, let’s get back to that math problem.”

__________________________________________________________________________

At some point, Hassan joined them in the observatory while Omar gave his astronomy lecture. Hassan, for the most part, played quietly in the corner with Halah while Maha and his mother continued their studies.

The boy’s eyes landed on his mother’s bag, where a bag of juicy candied dates peeked out of the pocket. With a cheeky grin, he carefully crept over to it, reaching for a date and narrowly putting it in his mouth-

“Put it back, Hassan.” Nashira said, not even looking up from the papers in front of her. 

Hassan’s shoulders slumped. He reluctantly did as he was told, “But I’m starving!”

“You are not starving,” She paused when her own stomach began to growl, “But It is getting late, and Baba should be finished with his lecture soon. Let’s go home and have dinner, hm? You can have those dates for dessert.” 

Hassan cheered much to his mother’s delight.

“But only if you finish your vegetables.”

He groaned.

Nashira and Maha gathered their things while Hassan went to retrieve Halah.

 “Will you join us?” Nashira asked Maha.

The young woman smiled and nodded. While she collected her things, she couldn’t help but watch the little boy closely. She couldn’t get over how much Hassan favored his mother from his curly hair, moles, and chubby cheeks. Not to mention his love of dates and his sleepy cat.

“He looks so much like you,” Maha mentioned as they made their way out of the observatory, “It’s almost like his father didn’t try at all!” She joked.

Nashira smiled to herself, “Oh trust me, he definitely takes after his father more than me.” She said as she let Hassan and Maha walk out the door.

Nashira watched as her student and her son walked down the hall. She paid special attention to how her son gently placed a kiss on Halah’s nose, then moved to feed her a date he had in his pocket. The sneaky boy still managed to swipe a date from her bag afterall.

She smiled, though inside she felt a wave of guilt come over her. She always felt it whenever she thought of Hassan’s father. 

Mainly, how Hassan would never know his real father.

She could see so much of Basim in Hassan, from his big brown eyes to his crooked grin and his penchant for mischief. She thanked her lucky stars that Hassan looked so much like her, no one questioned why he didn’t look like Omar.

She planned on telling Basim about her pregnancy when he returned from Alamut. She thought when he came back, she could tell him the news and they’d run away together and start a new life. They could see the world the way they talked about as kids, and they would have raised Hassan together. 

Of course, their meeting did not go as planned. To avoid being thrown out, Nashira chose to act as though the baby was Omar’s. It was a better option than struggling to raise a baby on her own, even if the guilt ate her up inside.

She decided the guilt would have to be her punishment for her poor choices. After all, her decision would ensure her son grew up happy and without worry. Hassan would have more choices in life than she or Basim ever did. So, she accepted it.

As Nashira turned to close the door of the observatory, her gaze landed on the open window she forgot to close.

She sighed, letting all her feelings flow out of her. Her past with Basim happened, and while it still saddened her from time to time, she felt grateful that it did not destroy her. 

She was free to look to the future of her life, and all the wonderful, beautiful moments she’d have with her son in it. That alone was enough to push forward and leave Basim in the past where he belonged. 

With that, she didn’t hesitate to close the window.

“Umma come oonnnnn!” Hassan called from down the hall. 

Nashira chuckled, “I’m coming, ya azizi!” 

[hail-brod]

A Chance and Beyond (4)

Previous chapter: (Chapter 3)

Next chapter: (Chapter 5)

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Loki x FReader

Warning/s: Light angst?, patronizing treatments/mentions, nothing else probably (please tell me if I missed something!)

WC: 3.6k

The Norns must be taunting you for making you feel hopeless. But a little sorcery bonding is nice. Until it leads you somewhere else.

You remember the day when you and Loki exchanged Betrothal rings.

It was a formal celebration to announce your engagement with the prince. In Asgard, it was tradition to publicly officialize the bind of two people, especially when it ought to be an arranged one. It was a way to let people know that, it is a merry day for Asgard's future and for any suitors planning to court you, to lay off. The same is said for the young prince, Loki. Assuming that he does have a flock of maidens eager to get his attention.

He is a prince after all.

As the people of Asgard cheered for your affiance to the god, you and Loki intertwined hands. Just where your rings are. A gesture that contented the All-father more than ever. Even the All-mother glowed with smiles at your courtly showmanship.

And you remember yourself sneaking glances at the older prince.

Thor.

You we're so smitten when you first saw him the day you arrived in Asgard.

But as you stood there beside Loki, you realized it's no more than just a little puppy love at the man. You decided. He was still handsome and charmingly brave in your eyes but you only savored the limited moment you had with such feelings. It was better for you to let go lest you ruin the honor of your family's name.

Everybody knew the crown prince had no eyes for anyone in particular. He was a youthful god with so many choices of fine young maidens to behold. So you just settled for quick glances and far admiration, even more so that you've been chosen to wed his brother.

You didn't mind the deal. Nor did Loki.

He once told you that marriage was just a part of his duty as a royal prince, to heed his father's wishes. Nothing more than just that. It was all in favor for Odin All-father himself. And you don't think you had the right to oppose his wishes.

You're just a simple daughter of a noble from his court, a mere subject of his.

In fact, you we're quite satisfied at the arrangement. It brought prosperity to your household and a high recognition amongst the nobles. And you know your father deserved the title to be a king's in-law. He has done so much for Asgard and your family, as a wise lord and a kind father.

You never thought of marriage before, that's why you never felt bothered to be robbed off of such freedom to choose a husband. You had older brothers that would inherit your father's legacy, so you weren't as much as fussed about by your parents to set off and be a trophy to some entitled lord.

You enjoyed your position. Especially when you're fortunate enough to travel to Vanaheim and learn the ways of sorcery.

That kept you occupied so much for many years.

But to be asked to marry Loki was never much a disappointment to you. A well-trained sorcerer for a husband and a powerful sorceress-witch for a mother-in-law?

I mean, what's there to refuse?

Other people may not have understood it, but the practice of magic in Asgard isn't as well known as compared to the other realms like Alfheim and Vanaheim. So to have these two people within your reach is quite exhilarating to you.

You thought as much.

The celebrative air in the royal hall was far from dying down when you finally landed your eyes to Loki. Who was, at that moment, already grinning teasingly at you. You had to stop your growing irritation from showing in your eyes as you feigned a smile at him. You hated it when he always catches you swooning at a particular prince.

"Are you seriously mooning over Thor rather than me?" he lowly said to you with a tease. "You must really like torturing yourself after saying that you're done with my brother's charm."

"Pardon me," you faintly rolled your eyes and replied equally with playfulness. "but your eyes must be tricking you, my prince."

He huffed. "We'll see about that."

When the banquet hall feast came, he didn't waste a second and brought his dear brother to you, forcing you to an inescapable rounding chat.

Which was quite a surprise on your part. You thought he would have planned something far more despicable under his sleeves, but it seemed like he was feeling humble. Suppose you quietly swooned at the crown prince while the three of you flowed the conversation. But after that, you didn't pass the chance to cast a simple magic trick at Loki while he entertained his lady guests.

Just a silly parlor trick right up his nostrils.

When he felt magic was at hand, probably nose itching to sneeze a thousand times, you provocatively avoided his hidden glares right at your peripheral view as you only smiled at your new chatty guest, intentionally dismissing him.

But you didn't miss the other guests' condescending stares, boring at your fiancé's form, going as far as distancing themselves away from him. Even hearing someone mutter to themselves the words 'immature second son'.

You recognized their ploys. These we're the other half of the Asgardians that didn't favor Loki well, and deemed him as a—rambunctious troublemaker.

They're not wrong, but they do act as if he'd personally wronged them—which he didn't.

As far as you'd known.

But you still also knew that Loki had done some inexcusable things at court—or even as a person.

You had witnessed him betray someone before, even experienced it yourself. Hel, even the first time you met he almost stabbed you. You had fought and insulted each other, but the storm calmed after awhile. Because you had one thing in common: sorcery.

Through sorcery, you picked at each other's abilities. But also through sorcery, you gave each other respect.

Followed by more common grounds, one after another. Until you crossed the border and saw why he acted the way he is. At first, you understood why his people separated themselves from him, despised him—and you still did—but the fact that, all that time, Loki was also trying not to be who they saw him to be. And then still twisted his intentions into something far more malignant.

That's also part of what you despised in their royal court and amongst the people of Asgard. As much as you ogle at the older prince, they make it a point to give all their praises to Thor, and then push back Loki into his brother's shadow. You didn't find the idea sensible at all even before meeting Loki, but you definitely knew courts can never have a time without taunts.

And it bothered you so that it just became natural for them to ridicule and antagonize Loki, even when after he did his best to satisfy their screwed morals.

Ultimately, he can be just a simple prince with so much naught for petty parlor tricks and a clever silver-tongue, ready to pierce one's own. He became bearable to you overtime. And you guess to him, you we're too.

But he's still remarkably good at concealing anything he feels. There's no wonder why he's a master of persuasion and has an adequate amount of patience.

Well, you? Not quite.

You clearly remembered what you did after you felt yourself increasingly get annoyed by the group of snob noblemen, who in fact, was clearly mocking Loki in their heads.

Next moment, one of the man's drink was spluttering out from his own mouth as his disgust was evident on his face. The magic you casted had altered his mead's taste. Though the worst part is, King Odin was standing mere inches in front of him. The man had spat at the king's face, that was enough to get all of the guests' attention.

You knew you we're responsible for it. So you paled.

Even more so when you spot the queen's eyes on you as she lifted her chin up. You saw the glint in her eyes that made you stand up straight.

By Mimir's head, you thought. the queen will behead me.

You know she wouldn't.

You could say she looked amused, but there's no possible way in Urd's well you're excused to be that unrestrained. That was her husband for Bor's sake! You discreetly flew your eyes away from the scene and the All-mother's face, to which then landed on Loki who clearly saw the mishap.

Now both master sorcerers felt what you did and you have never felt so cornered in your whole life.

But you certainly didn't miss the odd look Loki gave you before it contorted into a delighted one. Almost as if he is proud.

"Looks like you'll be given a scolding later by my dear mother." Loki tauntingly whispered to your ear as he neared.

All you can give him was a pleading look and a hesitant, "She wouldn't."

"She would." he said, and lightly laughed. "But she'll probably realize that that sod deserved it."

You only huffed. "Well, he definitely did."

When you glanced back at him, he was already giving you yet again the same odd look. But it quickly disappeared once he met your eyes as he looks away with a faint jovial smile.

You've never seen him so genuinely pleased more than ever.

When you woke up, your heart was heavy.

You sat there on the bed, your breathing lightly quickening as you tried to process something in your mind.

While you stilled, you dryly swallowed and blinked the sleep away, trying to calm yourself down. As soon as you opened your eyes from your slumber, then sat up to orient yourself better, everything you dreamt just started to fade into missing parts of images.

Panic rises up to you.

No...no, don't....

And as your chest kept closing in, you realized you wanted to go back and force yourself to sleep. You felt like you just ended up in a different reality or in an another nightmare that you've lost in, so you desperately grasped for the dream that's slowly slipping away from your fingertips. You pulled your thighs to your chest and buried your head above.

You crumbled. This is a different reality.

You heaved out a shaky breath as you closed your eyes, only then did you found yourself weeping as the tears welled out from your closed lids. Your nails dug onto your arms while you leaned there.

In that moment, you know you've given up.

You know you're gradually waking up to a reality that's only existed within your mind, and heart. You know there's no way to go back. You know it's gone.

You know you want that life back.

It hurts because you never truly did got tell how much you love him.

Taking your time to sulk and let the weight from your chest disappear, you tried to count to ten. The pace of your hitched breathing begins to slow down until you lastly take a deep breathe, then exhaled.

You dryly swallowed. Early in the morning and you're already having a crisis with yourself.

Hvergelmir could just drown me for all I care.

Alas, you don't really wish that right now. You think that a cold bath would be nice. Your eyes are swollen and cheeks are soaked, and it seems like the brightly lit sun peeking through your window feels too warm on your skin.

But you also take a moment to look around the room, orienting yourself once again. Until you did remember something clearly the night prior.

You heard Loki.

You know his voice anywhere, and it was loud enough to hear and to hear your name at that. Of course, you could not explain how that would be possible. Once there and then just disappear? If it was the Loki from TVA, then he would have had opened a time door, then off you had gone with him. But apparently no. Your mind must have been just too desperate with so many things so you guess you're starting to hear voices now.

It's either that or it was also just a dream.

Yeah.. you thought. just a trick of the mind.

Though, you know in your heart that you wish it wasn't.

When you headed out from your bedroom, with clothes now changed into Midgardian ones that you've scoured about in your given wardrobe, the hall that greeted you was empty. Yet, at the end of it, there we're voices talking. You sneakily walked towards it to see who. And you see two people.

You just realized now why the blond woman with the Avengers was familiar to you. All that's different from her appearance is her hair, which is according to what you remembered was red.

Natasha Romanoff.

And next to her was Steve Rogers.

You slowly let yourself be visible, urging yourself to step out louder to get their attention.

Though, never mind that. They already felt you before you could even take a few steps. Their heads immediately turn not a moment from your spot. You freeze.

Ah, you thought. that's terrifyingly great instincts.

"Oh," Natasha was the first one to speak. "it's you." she looked at you with nothing much but curiosity as she regarded you with a tug from the corners of her lips.

"Hello.." you hesitantly greeted with a small smile.

"Good morning to you." Steve says with a polite nod and a gentle smile. There's that firmness in his eyes mixed with a softness that balances his authoritative and kind nature. But then he struggled to say his next words. "You, uh...We actually didn't got your name."

You raised a brow. Did they not joined to watch your interrogation?

Oh.

You suppressed a laugh and slowly nodded your head. "Yes, I- I know...." you said with a pause as they quirked up. "I know you watched my interrogation. You don't have to lie no more." your eyes went to Natasha who looked quite awestruck, but gathered herself in an instant.

Steve lightly raised his brows and his eyes lowered down in shame as he exchanged quick glances with his fellow Avenger. "Of course."

Natasha turns to you with an apologizing look. "Sorry about that. Tony is just hard to deal with and...we just had to see for ourselves if you can be an ally."

You lightly shook your head. "That's fine now. After all, it is the reason why I'm out of that cell."

Steve lightly chuckled. "You're right. You have to thank Thor for that. He's been very insistent on convincing us to free you. Saying that you're still one of his people even if from a different reality."

You softened at that. "So I heard." you said. You try to recall what Bruce said to you last night, and thought about what else he told you. "What about Loki?"

Steve thinks for a moment before he gave you a faint serious look. "You should keep an eye on him."

Beside him, Natasha huffs with a roll of her eyes. "I don't see it that way." she raised a brow at Steve. "Have you seen how that rascal acted when he heard her name?"

Your ears perk at that.

"I did." he turns to her with a look of neutral assurance. "And he could be plotting something because of it."

The blond woman tilts her head, eyes challenging him. "I'm pretty sure everybody in this building thinks the same."

"Exactly." Steve answers back.

"Why? What did Loki say?" you ask with eagerness. Their eyes turn to you, though Natasha just gives you a smile.

"You'll see for yourself." she says, while she receives a frown from Steve, seemingly lost at what she's saying.

You're no different though. Confusion strikes you, but before you could even crease your bows harder than Captain America, Natasha followed through with her next words. "By the way, dining area's over there." she points towards the place. "You should eat first before the wizard portals next to you."

"What about you two?" you questioned.

"Don't worry about us." Steve replies with a nod. "We already had our fill. You should go eat...You earned it."

You revel at his soft tone and friendliness. Something in his eyes looks like understanding. A look that knows your hardship and the feeling of being lost somewhere. Being lost to time.

There's a wonder at the back of your mind but you just settled for a genuine smile.

When they left as soon as an aircraft landed outside the compound's fields, which you can see now in the light of the day, you ventured forth into the dining space and ate your fill. The meal just sat there and probably prepared by someone. Or something? But you didn't think much of it as you regarded the spacious dining area.

Before you could even feel the loneliness sink in at the sight of the empty seats, you had the feeling of being watched. Maybe even heard.

Perhaps, it's the thing about what Stark said. You are being watched.

You don't know by what but you don't really want to know either, so you just ate.

Sanctum Sanctorum.

That's where you are right now.

And while you are, magic courses through your veins as you kept trying to conjure, absorb, harness, control, anything that you can do to the little pebble of green that doesn't seem to open up to you.

And by you mean open up, trying to find its core of command and borrow its power to somehow lead you to where time is managed. One thing you know about magic, is that it can tell you secrets and commands. It's like an immediate breakthrough of knowledge that you can try to cast until you can be able to familiarize yourself with it.

But with the Time stone, its like there's nothing there. No core.

It's not like any other magic embedded crystals that you've tried to harness or absorb. But you also considered the fact that, this must also be what makes an infinity stone special.

"Nothing?" behind you, Strange stands while the Time stone is placed in front of you as it rests on a crystal holder beneath an antique table.

You turn, breath pacing. "Nothing...I- I don't get it. The stone itself, it's like- it's empty."

Strange's frown before only deepened and he sighs. Both of you had tried it several times. He didn't allowed you to do it in the first place since he had firmly told you before that he should be the only one to use it. But he eventually gave up and lend you a chance to try for yourself.

And now you both found yourselves still unsuccessful.

"How about we harness it both at the same time?" he steps beside you, eyeing the stone.

You look at him for a moment, eyes narrowed. "The stone will be overloaded and probably be destroyed."

He laughs and turns to you with a daring look. "Not if we put little amount of magic."

"Now, hold on." you halt him. "Acquiring the core command would be impossible with little magic—even if you and I combined."

Just when he's about to harness it himself, he lowers his arms down and looks at you. "Any suggestions then?" he says, almost irritatingly.

You think.

How can crystals be used in other ways? You know how to harness the core but what about the outside of the item? It's surface where the strings of magic can be accessed to cast its main level use. The simplest function of a crystal or any other magic stones. What else can it be used for?

You widened your eyes.

Of course!

"Compatibility." you mutter, turning to an increasingly confused Strange as you continued. "We might need to perform a forbidden spell."

"No."

You inhale, getting ready to explain yourself. "I swear to my own life that I will be cautious and perform it carefully."

He gives you a dead look. "And what exactly are you proposing?"

"I have no idea." you honestly say. You see Strange preparing to retort to that but you hurriedly added. "But, there's a grimoire in Asgard that contains the spell and we can use that as a guide."

You've never been really allowed to read that same book since it was prohibited for anyone to learn and use. It has lists of forbidden magics like dark magic and such, but you're clearly in dire need of a solution. And that's all you have left. There's one particular spell that can help you tear through space and time and its no wonder why it is forbidden. But with the Time stone and its ability to rewind events, its doable.

"Asgard?" he surprisingly asks.

"Yes." you nodded. "Your Asgard here should have it."

He only looks at you with a sudden change of his expression. His irritation had dissipated as he sadly frowned at your form.

What...

"Come with me." he finally says, walking past you. "Your fellow Asgardians might be able to help you know more." he then opens a portal to somewhere you don't quite recognize, but you do see a lot of greenery and expansive fields of grasslands.

"Is that...Asgard?"

He almost avoids your gaze and shakes his head. You looked at him in confusion, wanting more answers. He eventually gestured his head towards the portal, urging you to follow, so you did. Stepping out of the circular entrance, you took in the lands as you came to finally see the visible ocean. Along the fields we're houses being built and people scurrying to help—men, women and children.

"Why are we here?"

"To see Thor...and an another asgardian sorcerer who might be able to help us." Strange replies.

"Welcome to Norway."

Previous chapter: (Chapter 3)

Next chapter: (Chapter 5)

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

'A Chance and Beyond' taglist:

@oscarissac2099 @lcolumbia1988

Ko-fi?

[m3r1m4r5u333]

I feel like rambling about my headcanon/take on what season 5 and 6 meant for Eddie, about how he's ended up where he is now, how that relates to buddie in my mind. I've already made a similar post about the feelings realization but I need to ramble some more.

First of all, I think that Eddie has feelings for Buck - he's even aware of it. Eddie is also trying to ignore his feelings, and move on - he thinks that it's one-sided and can only ever be one-sided.

The reason why I think Eddie knows about his feelings starts with the scene where Ana and Chris visit Eddie at the fire station.

That's the day when Eddie really realises his feelings for Buck, and finally starts to understand why the relationship with Ana is causing him so much anxiety.

Here:

He sees Chris with Buck, is drawn into the conversation about probies who get into trouble, makes a trip down a memory lane... And forgets to introduce Ana.

In fact Eddie doesn't even really look at her here, talk to her, include her in the conversation... It's like suddenly she's invisible to him.

He's just too busy looking at Buck and Chris interacting, having a nostalgy trip about his trouble-making probie era (naturally co-starring Buck),

and it's quite obvious that Eddie's attention pretty much lingers on Buck.

(Just look at those camera angles! Buck has the stage here! He's taking most of the space, he remains in the spotlight while other people keep drifting in and out of the shot! It's that way even when Ravi is the one who's actively talking - Ravi stays to the side of the shot, disappears for a moment. I mean sure, Eddie's looking at Chris first but then Chris actually mostly disappears from the shot. We see just the back of Christopher's head, Eddie lifts his gaze too high to be looking at Chris. All of this implies that Eddie's main focus here is Buck, his memories of Buck, Buck's words, Buck's reactions.)

Then all of a sudden Eddie's startled from his thoughts - by Ravi's assumption that Ana is his wife. That's a shock. Eddie is reminded of how serious his relationship with Ana seemingly is - even though it doesn't feel right, even though he knows that he isn't in love with her. Panic really sets in when even Chris is on board with the assumption that Ana is his wife.

They're acting like a family, but Eddie doesn't love her, people keep assuming that Eddie is already married to her, but Eddie doesn't want to marry her.. It not right, it wouldn't be right because Eddie has just been hit with the cruel reality of how one-sided their relationship truly is:

Ana is someone who barely even occupies his thoughts.

Because the truth of what just happened here is that for a moment Eddie forgot that Ana even exists,

even though she was standing right there,

next to him.

Eddie forgot to introduce her because he wasn't thinking of her at all. Why so? Because it's like she's not even there when Buck is in the same room. Buck steals the spotlight.

So Eddie panics.

And then there are just so many allusions to one-sided attraction.

There's just something about the way that Ana says:

What's one-sided love but amazing darkness? So wonderful... yet lonely, sad.

Then there's that talk Eddie has with Buck about one-sided love.

It starts with the dialogue about how 'Eddie was trying to sleep until Buck interrupted'. So Eddie was trying to avoid the reality, trying to dream. But Buck interrupted. Now he's awake, aware.

And then Buck talks about how much one-sided love hurts and Eddie looks so tired and sad because he yes, he also knows what that hurt feels like.

I mean... Why does the idea of one-sided love and "ready-made family" terrify and bother Eddie so much just now? Why not call things off way earlier? Eddie must have known before that day that Ana was more interested in him that he was in her!

So why was he able to ignore that one-sidedness for so long, why was he set on pretending that nothing was wrong? Why does he break up with Ana only after her visit to the station?

Because it hadn't really sunk in for Eddie how much that one-required love must hurt her. He wasn't really able to feel proper empathy for Ana before that moment - and the reason for that lack of empathy, that dismissal, was that he didn't really know how painful unrequited love is... until he felt it too. For Buck. His best friend. His best male friend. His best male friend who keeps falling for women and having girlfriends!

And then there's the way Eddie, Buck and Chris are so close, how Buck is so much like a parent to Christopher... And how wonderful and sad that must feel like for Eddie, because he must have already had some inclination of his feelings and that looming hurt. Maybe that's even why he asked Ana out. Bobby does talk with Eddie about moving on before he does. I think it's not just the idea of a ready-made family with Ana that scares Eddie.

The idea of Buckley-Diaz family unit scares Eddie too... Because it's so close to what he wants - but it's also so out of reach.

So maybe he's not ready for it.

(... And based on Buck's reaction, maybe Eddie's not the only one with conflicted feelings about a ready-made family.

Their talk ends with Buck's biting remark about how Eddie can go back to sleep because it's not like they're going home anytime soon.)

And maybe Eddie kinda does go back to sleep, or attempts to.

I feel like Eddie's embark into the dating world is a desperate attempt to move on from Buck.

What sparks that eagerness to date? The talk Eddie has with his tia ( = aunt).

Eddie is lying about the arranged date he was pressured to go on and went, telling her it went great. Tia is of course like 'cut the crap'.

Eddie apologises, says that he isn't ready. Tia tells him that "that's the point, you're never ready!"

Then tia starts talking about her first husband - Eddie is shocked to learn that his tio Paco was actually tia's second husband. Eddie wants to know why nobody has told him about the first husband and tia explains that it's like he never even existed.

So she's telling Eddie that when he meets someone new, he'll finally move on and forget about his feelings and pain, forget the past. Which is why tia is pushing Eddie to go on dates.

She tells Eddie that she'd been trying to get over her first husband for six years and wasn't ready when she met Paco. If she hadn't gone out with the girls from work she would have never met her second husband, and she only went out because her friends forced her to go out.

So I think this conversation is what makes Eddie think that nothing that he feels now matters, it'll work, he'll move on, he just needs to try, and try harder.

He's pushing himself to forget. In the process he also falls into an old pattern - ignoring his own feelings, putting Christopher's feelings first... I think it's telling that when Eddie first meets Marisol at work he doesn't really talk to her, and we can't see him talking with her the second time they meet when they come to fix the ceiling, either. The third time they meet it's the kind of cute coincidence Eddie has been talking about... And he realises it - then walks away without asking her out.

Then we see him texting with her, and later calling her to ask her on a date. But the scene where they agree to a date... It's set after Eddie is told to meditate. To imagine.

So we don't really know how real that scene was. What we saw was Christopher urging Eddie to call her. And Eddie acting all giddy and happy... But then the scene ends with Eddie opening his eyes. Right before he opens his eyes we see Buck cuddling with Natalia, asking her to buy a couch with him... Did Eddie maybe also imagine that?

How much of it was real? Was the happiness Eddie felt with Marisol just wishful thinking?Even if the phone call 'really' happened, were Eddie's reactions honest or was he once again ignoring his heart to please others. Was he just trying to delude himself because he wants to move on and forget?

He doesn't look that excited when he opens his eyes.

[lorei-writes]

Winter Flower

Chapter XIV: Shut up

Masamune x OC [Hana] Summary: Hana wakes up in the gardens of Azuchi castle without any recollection of her past. Who is she? What was she doing there? And most importantly – what is she supposed to do now? Placed under supervision of Lord Date, Hana has to find her footing in the unfamiliar reality of the warring states. Series Masterlist

Content Warnings: none

The relief is quiet, or quieting, the way guilt is loud. But what am I to do about that now? There isn’t a brave fibre in me left. I am ashamed, but as insufferable as it is, it also means my hands can work freely while my mind is occupied – just as it has been up until now, although this time for slightly different reasons.

“I see,” Kojuro sighs, arms crossed in front of his chest. He nods thoughtfully, seemingly mulling over my request, his eyes darting all around the tent before closing. His forehead creases as he brushes his hair back, another sigh emerging from his lungs. “It… certainly would be advantageous if we could arrange that. Are you certain you’re willing to go? You may not be able to come back, and managing injured while on the road can be troublesome.”

“I’m well aware of that.” Perhaps, it is also part what I’m hoping for, but I swallow that thought.

“We most likely won’t be able to assign many soldiers to escort you either. You’ll be an easy target for an attack,” he adds, carefully searching my face for any signs of doubt. I do not wish to show him anything of the like.

“I did… consider the possibility. However, if nothing changes, those men are as good as dead.” I attempt not to waver. Not now, me, not now…

“You’ve struggled to even get here.”

“I did.”

“How will you manage by yourself then?”

“I think I’ve hardened since then,” I reply, my hands rolling into fists by themselves. Please, Kojuro. Please.

“Do you even know the way? You’re knowledge of the current day is severely limited,” he points out, prompting my jaw to clench, my tongue seeking an asylum behind the border of my teeth. However, I need it to speak for me, so I force it to cooperate.

“I will not be the only person accompanying the wounded, though. I’m certain I will be able to rely on others for guidance if needed be, although I do not expect that to happen,” I force the words out like through a sieve, careful not to slip.

“What if you’re attacked?”

“We will not be.”

Kojuro stares at me questioningly, my mock confidence seemingly only giving him reasons to question me further.

“We will depart as soon as you engage their main force. We… will not be able to transport all the wounded, so I suppose we should reach a relatively safe terrain before sundown. From what I’ve gathered, it is unlikely for the enemy to go after us, is it? What advantage would be there to killing a few men who would not make it back to fight in time either way?” I continue in one breath, hoping that the words I put together hold some semblance of sense even when outside of my head. “If we manage to connect with lord Nobunaga, we may gain reinforcements, no? So… so –”

“I’ll think about it some more,” Kojuro sighs. Clearly, this is the furthest he’s willing to go… But I do appreciate even that much.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t. I’ll still have to present the idea to lord Masamune. Nothing’s certain just yet.”

“Nevertheless, it’s plenty,” I disagree,

Kojuro does not seem to be exactly of the same mind, but I am quite convinced this outcome is rather positive. I am not sure why, but in a way, for the first time in days I am certain things will end well, whatever this well may entail. The thought seems to soothe that dormant consciousness within me… Or much rather, even what remains of past me can be soothed by it.

Night has arrived sooner than expected, blooming clouds shedding their petals, withering away for ink depths to take their place. Ripples form around starts, their light clinging firmly onto the canvas behind them, as if wishing to trace and thus reveal a hidden path. They do not spare much of their shine for us mortals between the plains, but no matter. There is still some fire around. There will still be some when the sun rises – and so, I use the flames as a guide, my very dim, very own shadow following me with caution. It is not a long walk this time, and no matter how much I stall, the time runs too fast. I take a deep breath, hide what needs not be seen, hide it even from myself… I clench my fists. I need not tremble. I shouldn’t, just as I shouldn’t fear. Soon… Soon all will clear, I am sure of it, so please, me, cause no further worry. To anybody. Especially not him. I step forward and into a familiar tent.

There are no lanterns here, but it is fine that way. A similar scenario occurs each day, and this night is no exception. Masamune shifts over his bed (although that may be a somewhat generous word to be used here), a sense of guilt welling up inside of my chest.

“It’s just me. Go back to sleep,” I whisper out before seating myself down in my own place.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” he murmurs in a somewhat rasp voice… I suppose he did need to strain it a fair amount. “Where have you been?”

“I went to see Kojuro.”

“Nightmares again?”

“Yeah,” I lie. He, however, does not seem to realise that much.

Masamune moves again, this time to push his body to the edge of the bed, and just as I realise it, he speaks up, “C’mere.”

“No.”

“Come on. You’ll get better rest,” he insist.

“I don’t want to.”

“Just to sleep, I promise.”

Oh. Perhaps I’ve misunderstood the situation. “Fine,” I yield.

His chest is warm against my back, but oddly enough, there is only cold to his touch. My heart pounds, so I try to distract myself away from his arms, and from the way his breath tickles my ear. In the most literal sense of the word, his embrace is secure – there is no harm there, no lingering threats waiting patiently to fulfil themselves. His words are worth more than gold, after all, more than silks, or gems, or… a golden sea of delicious broth… My stomach speaks for me, or at me. It complains through a loud growl. How could you give up my dinner? it seems to ask. Well, I could, and I did, and now it appears I have a more pressing issue on my hands. Thank you, stomach. I’ll remember it, you fiend.

“Kitten, did you invite a bear in?” Masamune lets out a weak laugh.

“I did not.” And I am not nearly hissing right now. Most definitely not burning up in embarrassment either.

“A dog then?”

“Stop it.”

“It definitely wasn’t a cat purr just now,” he shamelessly chuckles. How dare? And here I am trying to be modest about being hungry.

“You’re terrible.”

“Your stomach thinks just that about you,” Masamune jabs back, his finger – cruelly! – poking at my side. “Since when are you skipping meals, hm?”

“I’ve been busy and forgot!” I whisper-shout. He does not believe me, or so I reckon based on the tickling assault that he launches. Damn you, you —!

“You know, if you asked nicely enough, I would have whipped you something up.”

Oh. Stop it, stop it, stop that…

“Maybe next time.”

“Make it so that there’s no next time,” he grumbles back. His embrace grows tighter, and so I let out some of the breath I’ve been holding back.

“Fine. I’ll do better tomorrow.”

The silence that follows feels thick, the back of my throat itching for the unspoken words to be freed. I close my eyes, however, and let it be. We do not talk about the things that are the hardest to say out loud, do we? Not here, not there, not then… Not now. Certainly not now.

I welcome the morning by myself, but it is not long before the sense of guilt resurfaces to keep me the company. On any other day, I’d be beyond worried, but today… I am relieved. Of all the feelings, relieved. It does not seem appropriate, but the relief does not appear concerned about that – about that, or about bloodied bandages, festering wounds, fevers, sprains, broken bones, cries, sleepless eyes… Dead bodies that, although they may not be piling up, do need to be carried out. Or even the fact that nothing is certain.

The relief is quiet, or quieting, the way guilt is loud. But what am I to do about that now? There isn’t a brave fibre in me left. I am ashamed, but as insufferable as it is, it also means my hands can work freely while my mind is occupied – just as it has been up until now, although this time for slightly different reasons. The thought that I may be leaving does keep me afloat.

You shouldn’t have come.

Shut up. I know that much. I’m fixing it now —

“Hana,” somebody calls from just above my head. I peel my eyes away from the man I’ve been restraining, his arm flexing against mine as I do my best to hold him still for the (actual) medic to do the work.

“Yes?”

“Switch with me. We’ll need you to help in the evening. It’ll be no good if you’ll tremble all over from tiredness,” the man explains. I purse my lips – be that as it may, he has been a patient of mine just yesterday, so to let him move this early… Well, I do suppose he already has, and will go out on the field soon enough just either way. Nevertheless, I waver, so I look towards others to gauge whether that indeed is not too much to take.

I walk out of the tent, one unsteady thud of my heart at a time. The camp is much quieter now than it has been at night, so much so that my ears ring as I look around. Guilt strikes, relief answers – meanwhile, I just step forward, further and further, until I cannot hear them talking anymore… until nobody groans.

Where to now?

Shut up. I’m trying to be in control now. So lock yourself up and stay quiet, just the way you were up until I allowed you to come out.

My mouth has dried up completely, each breath having me believe somebody has fed me sand. I frown, something inside of me crumbling at the thought that I’d have to go back to the injured to get a cup of water. I do not want to, not now… Just give me a moment of peace, just for a little longer. Is that asking for too much?

The answer dawns on me as I realise that I could very well bring in more water. We need it, don’t we? So why not let me go? Granted, I will not be able to carry as much as others would… But some is better than none. Everything counts. Here, now. Everything. Counts.

It does not take long for me to convince the soldiers standing guard to let me out. It was a short exchange at best, but it was so inconsequential that it has slipped my mind completely. What matters is the river cutting across the plains, its shy murmurs that seem to inquire about me, each splash a song of a…

siren.

Shut.

Up.

Perhaps it is my attitude that is the issue. If it is me that talks, then it is not a conversation, but an act of remembering. I should not reply – but all those thoughts fade away quickly enough, carried away by the stinging cool that embraces my hand as they slip into the water. I bring it to my lips, greedy and much too preoccupied with drinking to even make sure that I am safe now. All I need is in front of me. I can think once I’m satiated, think once I erase the traces of this nagging, think once —

Don’t move.

I lift my eyes and fall back onto my behind. The man I’ve met back in Azuchi is standing on the opposite riverbank… and it is only now that I realise that this sweetly medicinal scent that seems to follow him has permeated the plains around.

--

Series tag list: @cheese-ception @nuttytani

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

Memory Served - Ransom Drysdale x Reader (Part 3)

Series summary: Following a terrible accident, every memory you ever made was gone leaving you to try to piece together what happened.

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: to avoid spoilers I won't be tagging warnings, but if you are concerned about being triggered by anything PLEASE reach out to me so I can put your mind at ease! This is an 18+ ONLY series!

A/N: this is a mystery series, so please when you comment or reblog please put spoilers under the cut using the read more function! This also means I won't be responding to comments straight away!

Masterlist / Series Masterlist

Dividers by @firefly-graphics​

You nibbled your lip in thought, pen tapping against your chin as you stared down at your notes. At first glance it didn’t make much sense, the page was filled with numbers and notes. Arrows connecting all the things you felt went together, stars next to things you felt were important.

“What are you doing?” Ransom’s sharp voice startled you since you thought you were alone.

You instinctively held your notebook to your chest shielding it from prying eyes. You looked over your shoulder to see Ransom standing just behind you, his face unreadable as he looked down at you from your spot on the couch.

“Oh it’s nothing,” you say waving it off.

Ransom arches a brow, putting his hand on his hips “didn’t look like nothing” he comments as he walks around to stand in front of you.

You give him a small smile shaking your head “it’s stupid” you mutter.

“I doubt that, c’mon kitten we don’t have secrets do we?” Ransom says as he sits down on the couch, arm outstretched across the back, fingers brushing against your shoulder.

You sigh biting your lip slightly as you look down at your notes “well… well you know i’ve been doing a lot of reading” you start holding up the book that was also in your lap.

Ransom hums nodding his head in response his eyes flickering between your face and your notebook.

“Well, I just had so many thoughts and ideas about these stories so I started jotting down notes and my thoughts about them, my favourite quotes, anything I liked about them” you admit with a bashful smile.

You see Ransom’s shoulders relax and a smile forming on his lips “that’s good, I’m glad you’re finding something to keep you occupied” 

“Well actually…” you start biting your lips nervously “I was thinking this sort of thing, working in literature might be something I can do, maybe with Harlan?” You suggest.

Ransom’s smile falls once more, turning into a small frown “I’m not sure that would be a good idea” he states.

Your face falls, you didn’t expect Ransom to shut down the idea so quickly “why not?”

“Well, Walt for starters” Ransom sighs “he would just make it hell for you, it won’t matter what Harlan thinks or does” he states shaking his head.

“Oh, well I’m sure I could handle him,” you say shifting in your seat.

“And look you don’t need to work, I have enough money to look after us,” Ransom says putting his hand on your knee.

“I know but I want to work, have something to do except sit around all day” you sigh gesturing around.

“I know, but it's only been a couple of months since the accident, I don’t want you to push yourself” Ransom states “I’m not saying you can’t get a job ever, I just think you should just wait for now” 

You let out a long sigh looking down as you mulled his words over. You could see his point and you understood his hesitation.

“But if you’re enjoying this” Ransom says pointing to your notebook “keep going, use it to keep yourself busy” 

“Yeah, I guess so” you sigh nodding your head.

Silence falls in the room, you glance over to see Ransom studying your face. A strange look on his face, you were about to question it when he spoke.

“I do have another idea of what you could do to keep yourself occupied,” He says.

You sit up instantly intrigued “you do? What is it?” 

Ransom smiles reaching out to take your left hand, his thumb running over your engagement ring “we get married” he says simply.

You nearly choke on air in shock, blinking a couple of times trying to work out if you were dreaming or not because there was no way Ransom had seriously suggested that. 

“What?” You squeaked.

“Why don’t we start planning our wedding” Ransom repeats making your eyes widen because he was being serious.

“R-really? A-are you sure?” You ask stuttering slightly.

“Yeah I mean I know we said we’d go slow considering everything, but I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and we basically live like a married couple now, the only difference would be a signed piece of paper,” Ransom says shrugging his shoulders casually.

“Yeah-yeah I guess so” you mutter scratching your forehead as you tried to process what he was saying.

“I mean this ring,” Ransom says his thumb brushing over your ring “it’s a promise we’ve already made to love each other for the rest of our lives, the wedding would just make it even more official”

You nod gulping nervously as you looked down at your ring, the piece of jewellery feeling incredibly heavy all of a sudden. You glance back up at Ransom and see the hopeful and loving expression he wore. You instantly felt bad for your hesitancy, because you could see how desperately Ransom wanted this.

“Okay…” you finally agree “okay so um when do you want to set the date for? That’s a good place to start right?” You mutter your lips pursed in thought.

“Well” Ransom starts his hand moving to your arm, his fingers tracing invisible lines up and down your skin “I don’t want to wait too long so why don’t we set the date for a couple of months' time?” 

You feel the air being sucked out of your lungs again in shook “a couple of months? Isn’t that too soon?” You ask “I mean how could we possibly plan everything in such a short amount of time?” You add quickly.

“Don’t you worry about that, It’s only going to be a small thing anyway, so you tell me what you want and I’ll get it all sorted” Ransom smiles “the Drysdale Thrombey names carry a lot of weight in this state, may as well use it to our advantage” he adds with a smirk.

“Okay yeah sure I’ll um get looking and deciding, don’t you want any input on it?” You ask frowning slightly.

“No I trust you, this is your day, the only thing I ask is that my family is not invited” Ransom smirks making you laugh.

“Deal, only Harlan and Marta are allowed” you smile nodding your head.

“Perfect, I have a couple of things to get on with,” Ransom says pushing himself up from the couch “so I’ll leave you to your reading” he smiles leaning down and kissing you deeply.

“Okay, I’ll let you know when dinner is ready” you smile up at him.

“Perfect,” he says kissing you once more before heading towards the stairs.

Once he was gone you let out a long and shaky sigh. Dread settled in your stomach and you felt so nervous it made you feel physically sick. Closing your eyes you took a few deep breaths trying to centre yourself. You reminded yourself that you and Ransom were in love and had been for a while, you recalled all the amazing things he’d done for you since the accident, like how he stood up for you against his family. 

He was right, this was the right thing to do. Nothing really would change in your day-to-day life. This feeling you had was just because you were still processing it, you would feel more excited soon enough. It was just sudden and soon this feeling of something being wrong would go. 

“Right well I guess I better planning” you mutter to yourself. 

The next couple of weeks had been very busy for you. You were amazed at how quickly and easily this wedding was to plan. You’d already found a minister, decided on flowers, what food you’d eat and a very small guest list. You’d even booked an appointment to find your dress, and you didn't even have to leave the house. Every single vendor came to you or Ransom went to deal with securing them. 

“I think we might have hit a snag with the venue” you sigh one evening as you sat down to eat dinner. 

Ransom frowns glancing up at you “what do you mean?” he asks reaching out for his glass of scotch. 

“Well, they’re all fully booked and have been for months some for years” you explain as you gather some pasta onto your fork. 

“I’m sure they could find a day for us, it’s not every day one of the Thrombey family gets married” Ransom frowns shaking his head. 

“They can’t, even with your name they couldn't budge, they did put us at the top of the cancellation list though but still,” you tell him as you finish your mouthful. 

Ransom huffs in annoyance, shaking his head as he whispered a curse. You watched as his fist clenched on the table, his jaw ticking as he looked to the side. You could practically see the gears turning in his head. 

“What if we had it at Harlan’s house?” he suggests looking back over at you. 

“Do you think he’d be okay with that?” you ask taking a sip of water. 

Ransom’s lips twitch upwards “of course he’ll be okay with it, he’d love it” he reassures you. 

“And what about your family, what if they get word of it and try to crash the wedding,” you ask biting your lips nervously. 

“I’d like to see them try” Ransoms smirks “don’t worry about it kitten I’ll get it all sorted, just let me know what you want and I’ll organise it” 

You feel a small smile creeping onto your lips “thank you ransom” you say earning a smile from his in return. 

Once dinner was eaten and the plates cleared, you and Ransom settled down on the couch. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side, your head resting on his chest as he started asking you about all the other decisions you’d made for the wedding. 

“What about your dress? Care to tell me about that?” Ransom smirks, his long fingers tickling your side. 

“No, you know it's bad luck to see the dress before the day” you laugh looking up at him. 

“I can’t even get a little peak,” Ransom asks arching a brow. 

“Nope, plus I haven’t even picked a dress yet, I have an appointment at the end of the week,” you tell him. 

“Oh, so will I be getting kicked out of the house that day?” Ransom asks smirking down at you. 

“Yep, you’ll have to go hang out with Walt” you smirk. 

“That’s just cold” Ransom mutters shaking his head before smirking as he squeezed your side and makes you squeal with laughter. 

“I’m sorry I meant Joni” you laugh. 

Ransom laughed shaking his head “I actually don’t know if that's better or worse”

“Depends on if she tries to talk to you about spiritual shit” you chuckle. 

“True, now c’mon shall we finish that series we started,” Ransom asks as he grabs the remote. 

“Sure I wanna see whether they found that witness” you agree making yourself comfortable as Ransom sticks on the courtroom drama you had been watching the past couple of days. 

You were halfway through the second episode of the night when your exhaustion from all the planning caught up to you. A mixture of that and the warmth Ransom was giving out soon lulled you to sleep. 

To begin with, you just had normal dreams, nothing seemed out of place. But then you started seeing flashes of memories. Like always they didn't make much sense, they were like quick snapshots of your life before the accident. You had no context for any of them meaning it often left you trying to piece together the pieces of your life. 

You saw flashes of your childhood, times of you playing with toys and out in the backyard. You also saw memories from what you assumed was your time at university, sitting in class, and the parties you went to. You saw times you spent in an office, presumably the marketing job that you left. 

Finally, your brain seemed to fixate on one memory. 

You were walking down the streets of Boston, it was a cold night and you wrapped your leather jacket around you tighter as you walked. Glancing to your left you saw a couple of other women walking with you, both of them dressed up for a night out like you were. You could hear them laughing and talking loudly, one of them with long blonde hair linking her arm with yours and smiling over at you. 

You turned the corner and spotted a bar a few feet away, one that you definitely recognised. Walking inside the place was packed and there was a live band playing at the far end. Glancing around other people’s heads you could only just about see the lead singer. He had the typical boyish charm that any musician had, he was hot, with his built body and short light brown hair, and he knew it as he winked at the girls in the front. 

You felt your friend nudge you in the side, a look on her face when she caught you checking out the lead singer. She shouted something to you but you couldn’t make it out, you shouted something back shrugging your shoulders casually. Your friend rolled her eyes at you before dragging you over to the bar. 

The night rolled on and you drank far too many drinks, you also found yourself looking over at the lead singer multiple times. You felt your cheeks grow warm whenever he caught your gaze, and sent a wink your way, much to the annoyance of your friends. 

You then noticed the crowd begin to part as someone walks toward you. You felt yourself smile as Ransom comes into view, his appearance was different to normal though. His hair was shorter and fluffier, there was no hair gel in sight, and his beard was back and much thicker than ever. He smiled at you walking up to you, placing his hand on the small of your back as he leaned down to kiss you. 

He said something to you and once again you couldn't hear what he said. You nodded in response reaching up to kiss him once more, sliding your hand into his and letting him lead you out of the bar. Once out into the cool air he wraps his arm around you tightly, pulling you into his side to keep you warm. Once you reached his black Audi he opened the passenger door for you pressing yet another kiss to your lips before you climbed into the car. 

You woke with a start blinking a couple of times as you got your bearings, realising you were still curled up on the couch with Ransom. You glance up to see Ransom looking down at you with an amused smirk. 

“Somebody seems tired” he comments smiling down at you. 

“Yeah- yeah I guess so” you mutter rubbing your forehead as you settled back down. 

You tried to focus on the TV program, see if you could work out what you’d missed, but you couldn't your mind was solely on your dream. You were trying to place it on the timeline you had been trying and failing to build with the rest of your memories. You had to guess that it happened after your trip to Florida, Ransom’s hair was a similar length, and you guess he just decided to grow the beard out some more. 

Looking back up at Ransom you pursed your lips as you took in his profile. You had to admit you liked the way he looked with a beard. You definitely preferred it over his clean-shaven look. 

“Why did you shave your beard?” you ask suddenly. 

You felt Ransom freeze for a second before shifting in his seat “what do you mean?” he asks clearing his throat. 

“I just remember you having a beard, and I was wondering why you decided to get rid of it,” you ask sitting up slightly. 

Ransom shrugs his shoulders clearing his throat a couple of times before answering “I just preferred it without” he offers “you did too, you said it was too scratchy” 

“Oh” you mutter frowning slightly because right now you definitely preferred the look of it “yeah I guess that makes sense”

“Yeah, hey um it’s late and we’re tired why don’t we head to bed,” Ransom says quickly standing up from the couch and turning off the TV before you got a chance to say otherwise. 

“Oh um yeah sure” you stutter standing up from the couch.

You barely had a chance to stand before Ransom took your hand and practically dragged you up the stairs. You frown in confusion at his strange behaviour, unsure what the cause was. You were going to question it when you reached the bedroom but you didn't get a chance. 

Ransom suddenly turned around to face you, his large hands moving to cup your cheeks “I love you so much” he mutters before kissing you deeply. 

Any thoughts you had disappeared as he kissed you passionately, your brain completely shutting down as he held you. No protest in sight as he stripped the both of you of your clothes and had his wicked way with you. 

You were standing in the guest room that used to be your bedroom when you first returned after your accident. Standing on a small circular platform you looked at the mirror in front of you examining the current wedding dress you wore. 

It was a gorgeous dress you couldn't deny it, and you looked amazing in it, but it just didn't feel perfect. But it was the last dress on the rack, and none of the ones before worked either. You pursed your lip in thought as you tried to work out what you didn’t like about it, but you couldn’t pinpoint a single reason. 

“What do you think?” the lady asks as she takes a step back, biting her lip nervously. 

“I- uh- I think it's lovely,” you say turning slightly to look at the sides and back. 

“It sounds like there’s a but there” the lady sighs looking up at you. 

You try not to wince, you knew how far out of her way she had gone to be here to help you find a dress today. Bringing in the platform and large mirror, as well as many different dresses that were all your specific size. 

“I’m not sure, I don’t know what it is though… I just… it feels weird wearing a wedding dress” you admit looking down at the gown. 

“Yes, putting a dress on does make it feel much more real to a lot of people, for some it makes them even more excited, for others, it makes them nervous… or even scared” the lady explains as she adjusts the train of the dress. 

“Yeah… “ you say glancing down at her and noticing the odd look in her eyes “that must be it” you mutter looking back over at the mirror. 

You see her go to say something but get interrupted by the sound of the front door slamming shut so loudly that it shook the entire house. The both of you froze as you heard Ransom storm through the bottom floor of the house, the sound of him grabbing the bottle of scotch echoing. 

“I um should go see if he’s okay, can you just wait here?” you ask stepping off the platform. 

“Yes, of course, let me help you out of the dress, bad luck and all that,” she says quickly moving to help you. 

You mutter a quick thanks, stepping out of the dress and pulling on the silk gown you wore between each dress. You hurried out of the room and down the stairs, finding Ransom in the kitchen, braced against the kitchen counter, a glass of scotch in front of him. His head hung low and you noticed the tension in his shoulders. 

“Ransom? What’s wrong?” you ask cautiously approaching. 

He looked up from the floor and you instantly see the despair and worry in his eyes “it's Harlan” he choked out, his voice breaking. 

You felt your heart sink in worry, instantly rushing over to Ransom, putting your hand on his arm “what’s wrong? Is he?” you ask dreading the worse. 

“No” Ransom muttered shaking his head “but he’s taken a turn for the worse, and the doctors say it doesn't look good” he explains, biting his lip as he tried to hold back his tears “he might not make it to the end of the month, to our wedding,” he says barely holding himself together. 

“Oh, Ransom I’m so sorry” you mutter, welling up yourself as you pull him into your embrace. 

He buried his head into the crook of your neck and you feel the wetness of his tears against your skin as he completely broke down in your arms. Your heart broke for him but you knew there was nothing you could do so you just held him.

After a few moments he pulled away, using the sleeve of his sweater to wipe away his tears “I just- he’s the only person I’ve ever wanted at my wedding and- and now- he- he might-” Ransom shakes his head, unable to finish his sentence. 

Your mind raced as a way to try and fix it, and you could only think of one solution. One solution that utterly terrified you but you knew it was the right thing to do. 

“Let's move the wedding forward then” you suggest. 

Ransom looks down at you his eyes wide in surprise “what?” he asks. 

“Let's move it forward, he’s the only person we want there, we don’t need anything or anyone else so let's just get married with him and Marta there” you explain.

Ransom blinks a couple of times “really? Cause we’d have to do it in a week's time or something” he says shaking his head gently. 

“Yeah” you whisper “let's do it” 

A smile breaks out on his face through the tears, his hands cupping your cheeks as he kissed you deeply “thank you so so much, I love you so much” he muttered against your lips. 

“It's okay” you whisper looking at him through your lashes “why don’t you go upstairs and get some rest, I’ll just finish what I was doing and see you up there?” you suggest. 

Ransom nods his head kissing you once more before making his way upstairs. Once he was out of sight you let out a long and shaky breath. You were getting married next week, in just 7 days you would be Mrs Drysdale and it was terrifying. You had to do this though, for Ransom. 

You made your way back up the stairs, stopping first by the guest room where the lady was waiting for you. 

“Everything okay?” she asked as you stepped inside. 

“Yeah,” you say clearing your throat “that last dress, that’s the one,” you tell her. 

“Oh, that’s great! I’ll make sure it's all ready for your wedding next month” the lady smiles breathing out a sigh of relief. 

“Actually I need it by the end of the week,” you tell her. 

She looks back at you in confusion “what-why?” she asks. 

“We’re moving it forward, an important family member might not be around next month so we’re getting married in a week so we can have him present” you explain rubbing your forehead. 

“Oh I’m so sorry, well um since the dress already fits I can just leave it here and send you the invoice?” she suggests. 

“That would be amazing thank you” you breathe out. 

She gives you a small smile “it's nothing, now I can pack this all up and get out of your hair, seems like your fiance needs you more right now” she suggests. 

“Yes he does, thank you for your help today” you thank her before heading out.

You walk the short distance from the guest room to your bedroom, finding Ransom lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was now shirtless, only wearing a pair of flannel trousers.

“Hey,” you say getting his attention as you walked over “how are you feeling,” you ask climbing onto the bed next to him. 

“Shitty” he admits “but better thanks to you” he sighs wrapping his arm around you and pulling you into his side. 

“It was nothing” you mutter shaking your head. 

“Hey,” Ransom says cupping your cheek getting you to look at him “you did so much, I don’t know what I do without you” he admits before leaning down to press a sweet chaste kiss to your lips. 

“I just want to make you happy,” you say quietly. 

“I’m getting there,” Ransom says forcing a small smile. 

“What else can I do? What do you need” you ask him hand running over his chest. 

Ransom didn't say anything for a moment making you look up at him, instantly noticing the look in his eyes, one that made them look dark. He then grabs you moving you so you were straddling his waist. 

“I need you” he mutters under his breath. 

“Oh,” you whisper. 

Your heart thumps heavily in your chest, a shudder running through your body, you were about to suggest that it wasnt a good idea but then you saw the pleading look in his eyes. So you nodded your head and let him pull away your gown and push down his trousers. Your bodies connected as he guided your hips down onto him, using you to work through his emotions. 

Once he was done you both curled up and let the exhaustion of the day take over. It wasn't long until dreams and subsequently, memories found you. 

You were sitting at your desk but your work had been abandoned. Instead, you were chatting and laughing with your colleagues, exchanging gossip and catching up with their personal lives. 

The blond from before was halfway through a story when she smirked and nodded over to the elevator “looks like it's time for your lunch” she comments looking over at you. 

Looking over at the elevator you saw Ransom walking over, he had his short fluffy hair and beard again which you just loved. He also wore a white crisp shirt and black suit that made your mouth water, because damn he looked good in a shirt and tie. All you could think about was what he’d look like with the sleeves rolled up. 

“Ready to go honey?” Ransom asked the pet name he used catching you by surprise. 

“Of course” you smile quickly locking your computer and standing up from your desk. 

Ransom smiles taking your hand and leading you toward the elevator. You had just stepped inside when your blond colleague called out to the both of you “we’re on a tight deadline so no detours today Andy!” she smirks. 

You wake up with a start, your head screaming in pain causing you to sit upright. Your chest was heaving your heart pounding in your chest as you replayed your dream.

You had seen Ransom. But they called him Andy. But to you, he looked like Ransom. You couldn't remember an Andy. Looking over to Ransom who was fast asleep dread settled in your stomach, because if that man in your dream wasn’t Ransom… who was he?

Please remember to put any spoiler filled reactions under the cut! just put :readmore: and press enter if you’re on mobile! or press the three little dots if your on the browser!

Sharing is caring so please reblog this if you enjoyed this! and leave a little comment if you can!

Also send me your theories of what you think is going to happen! I may just confirm or deny them 😉 AND the first 3 People who guess correctly (and I mean completely 100% correct) will win a drabble request!

I will stop taking entries for this little competetion at 12pm GMT 31st of October! You can send in theories as the story progresses, but extra points to anyone who guesses it sooner rather than later! Anon entries will not count (as i won’t know who you are!) but you can still send theories in and join in on the fun!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

I don’t have a taglist so follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications to be kept up to date

[softhairedhotch]

HAHSHAHAHA i must say great minds think (and type) alike ‼️‼️‼️‼️ literally when i first found ur blog i was like my god someone who literally has the same big brain as me?!?!?? (except, you have A Much Bigger Brain because YOUR WRITING????? im absolutely in Love AHHHHH thank u for filling the void in me like literally not just the smut like THE FLUFF?!?!? please i just want to cup his face and kiss him so gently n obviously not just that like i just feel So Seen as a gay guy who's just so down bad for him)

anyway thank u for putting the image of him straddling and fucking my face bc it will now be stuck in my head for a good while 👍 also in other filthy thoughts personally i think that man is downright disgusting . like yeah he typically is a very hygienic and # clean man but when it comes to sex... boy does he like to make a MESS . personally i think he'd more often like to not waste his cum and have stuff it deep inside your holes BUT.... i think he'd also go absolutely feral at the thought and sight of marking you. WOOFFFFFFFFFFF 😵‍💫😵‍💫

also he seems like a guy who would make so much noise . like other than his little words of affection and phrases, he definitely makes all the noises out there possible- gasps, grunts, moans, whimpers, whines. there are TOO many times where i'm watching/listening to porn and then im like ... Hold On... that sounds just like how aaron would sound or what he'd actually say.... and then i'm suddenly on my knees, a whole mess n wishing he was real.

anyway he's just so . this man occupies too much space in my thoughts. FML im sorry this ask got SO out of hand idk when did it become 827482 words long... n speaking of hands, maybe that would be the most apt emoji for me 🤲 (aka me praying to be aaron's boyfriend... or me just handling his heavy balls tbh)

FRRRR ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ and awwwwww thank you sm!! i'm so glad you've enjoyed my writing <33 ive got a few more things in the works so i hope you enjoy them too! and YES i am soooo so glad that i can help you feel seen <3 i gottttaaaa write more male reader fics bc it's deserved fr hehe

i mean im writing a few male oc things where they get with aaron so i hope that also interests you!! but yeah hopefully more male reader fics to come!! also if you have any requests (🤭) feel free to ask and i'll try to get around to it 💪

also you're welcoooomeee 🤭🤭 and GOD YESSSSS he does not waste it!! i firmly believe that one of his favourite things is cumming down your throat and when it leaks outta your mouth he swipes it up with his thumb before pushing it inside your mouth <3 once he's cleaned you up he'll kiss you to taste himself 🤭 orrrrrr if he's coming inside you he makes sure to push it back inside before licking it all up ‼️ but if you're not one for cum eating then he'd just make sure to fill you with his cum to make you his own 🥰

and you've just made me think of the fact that he definitely loves to mark you up!! he loves being marked up too but sometimes he's against it because of work (but he can't resist it if you start kissing across his jaw n neck n collarbone 😏) so the next Best Thing is making the most of doing it to YOU!!! he'd leave pretty bruises across your skin n chest n tummy n thighs and he'd be soooo proud of himself for it 🤭🤭 he loves seeing the marks he's left on you whenever he can, especially when it's in a softer moment like you're cuddling on the couch and your shirt rises up and he sees faint teeth marks or a lil mark <3 it just makes him feel so satisfied

and YESSS that man is SUCH A MOANER. he makes allll the prettiest noises and he tries to hide them but he can't with you!! bc you make him feel soooo good and bc you beg him to let all his cute whines and whimpers and moans out :3 also that comment about watching porn and being like "... aaron would say/do that" is SOOOO REAL (which is why i started reblogging all those gifs n pics lol, i NEED to have a visual for the shit i think up of this man bc i need him So Bad and it's important for my mental health) (it's not but he's a cutie patootie so it counts) (i just love him okay)

and NO DONT APOLOGISE i loooooove long asks and i hope you send more in the future!! especially out of hand ones hehe bc you just GET IT!!! YOU GET IT!!!! YOU GET HIM AND YOU UNDERSTAND AND GODDDDD i need to talk about aaron with you ALWAYS your brain is sooo big!!!! and you're so fucking funny HELPP THE EMOJI 😭😭😭 THAT IS SO GOOD LMFAOO YOU BETTER HOLD HIS HUGE HEAVY MEATY BAWLS okay you're now 🤲 anon <3 nice to meet you!!! thank you sm fr these asks hehe you've made my day

[tookishcombeferre]

Mentopolis Theory: Part 1

Hi! 

I have finally managed to have time to watch the newest Dimension 20 - Mentopolis, and (of course) my autistic ass is obsessed with Mr. The Fix. 

Thus, it is theory time! However, beware, there are many spoilers below the cut.

So, my theory is that The Fix IS Elias Hodge (and, to a greater or lesser extent, we are our own hyperfixations.) My reasons for believing this are as follows: 

1) The Fix, like Elias, was simply a cog in a much larger machine (M. Bition and Henry of Gobstopper Industries play the same role in each of their lives.) 

2) A person's focus (fixation) is where their mind is occupied at any given time. 

3) Elias starts to take on the traits of the different cognitive functions The Fix interacts with as the series progresses. 

To address point one, the story of Elias and The Fix directly parallel each other. The Fix, as instructed by M. Bition, destroys and/or detains all thoughts that are not completely centered on the goal. Thus, The Fix basically becomes a background boogie man that no one really knows at all. He feels nothing. He puts his nose to the grind and does his job because that's what he has been told to do. 

Sound familiar? 

In the same way, Elias, instructed by Henry of Gobstopper Industries, focuses on the task that he has been given. He becomes a background character in the city in which he lives. No one sees him. No one loves him. No one really even talks to him apart from his boss. Elias feels nothing. Elias only pays attention to his work. He puts his nose to the grind and does his job because that's what he has been told to do. Elias does all this because his focus keeps his mind only on the tasks he has been assigned. Elias' focus is on his work and nothing else. 

If The Fix is Elias, then it makes perfect sense why Madame Loathing says that The Fix gives the children false hope as well as why she would say that "focusing on her only makes her stronger." Then, Brennan actually calls out this parallel when The Fix and Elias are falling out the window together. I believe Brennan says something about how The Fix actually sees himself as Elias. I finally found the quote: " You jumped through the glass. There's a scar on your face. You feel some connection to something bigger and more important than yourself." If all of this is true, what Elias/ The Big Guy focuses on in his own mind is what gets strong and nurtured. The Fix constantly destroying intrusive thoughts is what he's there for - Elias needs to do that.  Nobody wants to lick gasoline off their fingers, or eat leaves off the sidewalk, or steal birthday cake. Ya know? Like, those things are bad for us and for other people. So, in that way, The Fix does aid Elias in being human. He keeps him alive and in the good graces of others. However, The Fix slowly loses himself as Elias Hodge does because of the way Elias allows/ the world encourages Elias' "Fix" to be lose focus on what makes him human. 

This leads directly into point two: A person's focus (fixation) is where their mind is occupied at any given time. Elias' focus is perpetually narrowed in on his job. Cortisol is the only thing his brain can find because he isn't allowed to focus on (or have) dopamine, endorphins, and especially oxytocin. Coffee is everywhere, but pleasure is nowhere to be found. They're in a prohibition on oxytocin! That's the hormone that is the basis for all human connection. 

The Fix literally destroys and/or detains things that could give Elias any hope for these pleasure hormones. Indulging his childhood interests, however briefly, in Madame Loathing's orphanage is the closest Elias can get to pleasure and positive feeling. He can't kill these interests, but he also can't indulge them either. This means that Elias has no hobbies. The Fix only goes to Sugah's to destroy criminals because, as we discover, no one, apart from the orphans, even really know that he's real! The Fix is completely and solely occupied on Elias' work because that's where Elias himself is focused. Thus, The Fix and Elias are each other in the sense that Elias' focus on his work is where is mind is occupied. Elias' isn't allowed to wander, and The Fix is strictly controlled by M. Bition. This leads to Elias forgetting to focus on important things like listening to impulses that will protect him, paying attention to those impulses and desires, receiving pleasure from and giving pleasure to others, indulging our passions new and old, learning and embracing new things, and listening to the too small voices that tell us right from wrong. 

In part 2, I will break apart the Fix's relationship with each of the other characters and discuss point three in more detail. 

[madamealys]

Imagine you and Obi-Wan become friends with benefits (+21)

II

***

It takes two weeks before it happens again. As much as you and Obi-Wan have enjoyed that unpretentious tea party—that turned out to be a good massage evening, to put in words—, you know that no romantic attachment should be formed.

As both of you are Jedi Masters with each path to trail, you have to make better use of the energy that you discovered recently… the very cause of your inner troubles and that if you thought it would dissipate, you thought it wrong.

So you try to forget that evening and start to practice again, getting more missions in order to get yourself occupied.

In the meantime, so does Obi-Wan. The redhaired male focuses in his mission with Anakin and Ahsoka, specially concerning now Ventress’s whereabouts.

Nevertheless, when he comes to fall asleep, he thinks of you. The taste of your tongue, so well paired with his; the way you sang his name, whose melody still echoes in his mind… how soaked your womanhood was when his fingers pursuit it.

He also had a peek of your firm breasts and pinky nipples. But he never had really a full view of you. The thought leaves him aroused and would have distracted him… had he allowed to.

But then when he lands back at Coruscant and sees you smiling wide and surrounded by good friends, his heart skips a beat. In the way only one other woman could do.

And to remember her name aches his broken heart.

***

You are dressed elegantly in orange robes with white stripes, hair loose in curls behind your back, when you meet him.

Obi-Wan is dressed in white robes and his hair is shorter than last time you met. He comes discreetly at you, ignoring the awkwardness that has altered the dynamics of your friendship since that day.

“May I have a word with you, Y/N?”

Today is a holiday celebrated in Coruscant, related to an important victory many moons ago by the Jedis against the Sith that the common folk still like to remember. Therefore, the Jedi temple is empty.

You’d go with your friends outdoors, but turn back as Obi-Wan calls you. You greet Anakin and Ahsoka politely, ignoring the mischievous look they exchange.

“Can we speak in privacy?”, he asks you gently, leading you to the gardens inside.

“Why, yes. I haven’t seen you lately.” And here you decide to break the ice. “If this is about last weekend, I should apologize for my improper behavior.”

“No, not at all.” He pauses towards the end of the poorly illuminated corridors. “I should apologize instead. I actually… want more of it. More of… us.”

You blush, not sure how to respond him, but at the same time comprehending the subtle meaning of it.

“We should not best interrupt our encounters”, you put him closer to you.

“No”, Obi-Wan half smiles at you. “We should not…”

Discouraged to break the moment even when reason riots against it, the Jedi presses you against the wall. Eyes locked and smiles exchanged, his hands go up and down your back.

“It looks like you are the one tensed here, darling”, you smirk as you kiss his lips gently, hands going to his pants and there finding his manhood erect. “Let me tend you today.”

He is about to protest, but the moment your tongue snakes in his mouth as your hand eagerly begins to explore his cock.

“Y/N”, he groans under his breath, kissing you fervently.

And his hands are about to move from your neck below when you part the kiss and slide to your knees. There is little need to protest: it never reaches Obi-Wan’s tongue after you engulf his manhood with your mouth.

The older Jedi watches you with lustful eyes, caressing your hair as he once again only has a partial view of your curves, but he has no time to get frustrated as you prove so natural in the arts of pleasure.

“Careful, darling…”

He asks you softly, pumping it into your red lips gently, guiding you through the Force. You raise your eyes as you lick it with your tongue, twirling it as you experiment it with great pleasure.

“Oh. So you enjoy this, uh?” Obi-Wan moans softly, and the sound he makes is enough to let you dripping wet in between your legs. “Mmm! So good, so good dear one.”

Aware of how he effects you, Obi-Wan imagines what he is about to do with you—-but then he comes to reach his climax and, oh, you swallow all of it.

There is, however, little time to enjoy further as you both hear steps and quickly must set yourselves straight. You barely have time to exchange words as Anakin finally shows up:

“Ah there you two are! Where have you guys been?”

Obi-Wan clears his throat, but says:

“I was… teaching some new techniques to Y/N. She had some questions about it.”

“Oh”, Anakin speaks innocently. “What bad timing, eh?”

You try not to laugh about it, but as Anakin starts to walk on, Obi-Wan gently pulls you to his side and says:

“I must admit that although this is not very acceptable, I cannot pretend we have not ruined our friendship, my dear.”

“I don’t know where this will take us…”, you hesitate.

But then he laces his fingers with yours.

“But I intend to follow the path with you.”

You smile the brightest and here it is the spark of something new that comes. Obi-Wan has his own fears about the future, but this is not to be thought yet.

[decoysouled]

pull my muse into a sudden hug // accepting. @astrcls // 💗 [ for caelus, from dh ! ]

IN THE HOURS FOLLOWING THE FIGHT, Caelus had grown accustomed to the odd feeling in his chest — the dull ache of pain, a wound that had healed almost as quickly as it had appeared. He doubts he'll forget that moment anytime soon ( the coldness in their chest, the feeling of falling falling falling. ) & that itself is likely why he finds himself still awake, wandering the halls of the Goethe Hotel as if to search for something to occupy his time, whether it be a book or some odd secret like the many others hidden within Belobog.

( a land of fragmentum, where even the most real things could be ghosts. )

Of course, he should have figured that his pacing would eventually wake someone up, but the creak of a door opening startles him nonetheless. Caelus turns toward the noise, eyes narrowed as if he were expecting a hotel devil ( although, maybe that would only happen when they hid in closets? they aren't sure ) or a phantom, a memory of the past, to appear — he is both relieved & disappointed upon the realisation it's only Dan Heng. After all, he had been sure that it was something else creeping through the halls.

He can't always be right, Caelus concedes, but a distraction would be far nicer than the company of a friend right now.

❝Sorry.❞ Caelus speaks, voice a hushed whisper if only to avoid waking March up, too, as he lifts a hand to the back of his neck, scratching at it lightly. ❝I didn't mean to wake you up. I couldn't sleep, so I was trying to distract myself... And you know me, I'm always-❞ He finds himself falling silent before he can even finish the sentence, all too aware of the way Dan Heng has moved closer during his apologetic rambles, his arms wrapped around Caelus as if afraid he might disappear if Dan Heng were to let go of him.

( perhaps they might. perhaps they, too, have become one of belobog's ghosts. after all, they had died, hadn't they? for just a moment, but that was death nonetheless, so maybe... they really have become a ghost. )

Rather than making any protest, ( not that they want to ) Caelus elects to return the hug with his own, looser grip — perhaps this is Dan Heng's way of reassuring himself that he is still here, alive & well ( or so they hope ) or some odd dream, the final vision of a dying mind. Then again, he's sure if this were a dream, it would make far less sense than this does & provided far less comfort than it, too. Maybe he should wait until morning to gather his own thoughts, to feel his pulse beneath his skin as a reminder that he is alive.

( that they are okay. that everything else is okay. )

❝I'm alright.❞ Caelus mumbles a few minutes later, as if it has just now occurred to him that Dan Heng could do with such confirmation — it isn't necessarily a lie, albeit it isn't the truth, but how is he to describe the pulsating pain in his chest & the icy feeling that refuses to dissipate? It would serve no point other than to cause further worry & Caelus has caused enough distress for his companions as of late, with both this & his other antics.

( the trash had valuable knowledge in, at least, although they weren't blind to the disgust of their companions at their actions. )

❝You're here with me, after all, so how could I be anything other than okay, oh mighty Cold Dragon Young?❞ The words are accompanied by a slight laugh, as if Caelus had come up with a joke that he found all too amusing. He's not so sure it would lighten Dan Heng's mood, but it's worth a try & even if he doesn't succeed, at least he didn't leave the other to stew in his emotions.

( what kind of friend would allow that? )

❝I'm here, too. With you. I'm okay, Dan Heng, so try not to worry yourself too much. I don't want to be responsible for those grey hairs of yours.❞ His lips are curled into a smile, one that is no longer uneasy, but filled with sparks of joy. ❝I'm sorry to have woken you & to have worried you, but I'm alive. I'm okay. I promise.❞ & maybe, soon enough, those words would be true.

( maybe they already were. )