#( started making a handful of icons for him and i felt such intense emotions for him wtf love that freak of a man )

[etcnnante]

w,,, weather report ,,,...... anyone else agree with me

[ssa-dado]

2 - Early Birds

Aaron Hotchner x bau!reader

Genre: fluff, angst if you squint

Summary: Two weeks in, the excitement of your first case had faded, and you found yourself handling simpler cases while learning from senior team members. You aimed to prove yourself, arriving early each day, only to find Hotch always there before you. This sparked a playful rivalry and connection between you two. Hotch recognized your determination to earn your place, and your insights on a cold case led to a field mission together. Through this growing mutual respect, your dynamic evolved into a partnership with unspoken mentorship.

Warnings: Usual CM case stuff described in detail, Hotch being a jokester, Rossi being iconic as always, no Gideon though.

Word Count: 4.4k words

Dado's Corner: Trying my best not to write reader looking at "Hotch's muscles reaping through his tight shirt", and limit the emotional description that both of them feel because stupid me wanted to write a slow burn. They are so cute though, c'mon. Also I wanted to point out that both of them basically know nothing about each other outside of work (their family, their past, if they're dating someone...👀). And yes, that is very deliberate, hihi.

part one ; part three

Two weeks had passed, and the initial rush of excitement that had accompanied your first case with the team was starting to settle. You weren’t paired up with Hotch, Rossi, or Gideon for any of your most recent cases anymore - not that you expected to be.

The more straightforward cases were often left to the younger or less experienced agents, which included you, as frustrating as it sometimes felt. Still, you were learning, absorbing everything you could from your new other colleagues, even though part of you itched to be working on the more complex cases that the senior team members handled, mostly because they were the ones who were allowed to travel all across the country.

You wandered how they expected you to go back to work after the big rush you felt after that first case, although it was probably intentional – an unspoken invite - if you continued to keep up with your works, maybe you would be allowed to join the big boys club again. The placement of your desk, didn’t help you at all to keep those thoughts out of your head, as it was situated right in front of Hotch’s, and constantly gave you an unobstructed view of his work.

It was yet another reminder of what you 'could have been doing' disguised as a neatly arranged workspace with case files that seemed far more complicated and intriguing than the ones you were currently dealing with. Every now and then, you’d catch a glimpse of him leaning over one of his meticulous reports or reviewing photos, his focus so intense it was hard not to feel a twinge of jealousy.

But you immediately learnt Hotch was nothing if not organized, and despite your best efforts to sneak a peek at the cases he was working on, he always kept his desk so perfectly neat that you could never quite make out any of the details… which only made you even more curious.

So you started coming to the office earlier each day, driven by a fierce determination to prove yourself and earn a spot on the senior team. You knew your skills were valuable, but without more field experience, you needed to find other ways to stand out. Arriving early became your way of showing commitment, a quiet but persistent demonstration that you were ready whenever the team needed you.

However, your plans to impress were unknowingly thwarted by one person: Hotch himself.

No matter how early you arrived, he was always there before you, settled at his desk with a steaming cup of the bitter government-office coffee in hand, already absorbed in his work.

His calm presence, bathed in the soft glow of the early morning light, became a familiar sight. It almost felt like he was deliberately keeping the upper hand, showing you that no matter how early you came in, he would always beat you to it. This routine repeated so frequently that it turned into a sort of unspoken ritual: arriving to find Hotch already deep in thought, sharing those first moments of the day completely in silence. Sometimes, you'd exchange a nod, and if you were feeling particularly bold, a brief smile of acknowledgment to him. Those quiet mornings became the closest thing you would ever have to connecting with someone from the senior team.

One particular morning, you arrived earlier than ever, determined that this would finally be the day you beat Hotch to the office. You slipped into your chair, a triumphant smile spreading across your face at the sight of his empty desk. For once, you were ready to enjoy the small victory of being there first. But before you could even settle into your morning routine, Hotch strolled in with an infuriatingly composed air, as if this were all part of some game only he knew the rules to.

"Early again, I see," Hotch said, setting his bag down with a casualness that suggested he wasn’t bothered in the slightest by your efforts.

You smirked, trying to hide the disappointment of losing yet again, and fired back, "What can I say? I like to get a head start on the day."

Hotch gave a small nod as he took his seat, already opening a case file. "I noticed," he replied in his dry, signature tone. "Maybe next time you’ll actually beat me to the office."

Your eyes widened slightly; it was embarrassing how easily he had read your unspoken intentions, as if your competitive spirit was as obvious as the morning sunlight streaming through the windows. Still, you couldn’t let him have the last word. Leaning back in your chair, you matched his teasing tone. "Is that a challenge?"

Hotch didn’t look up from his file, but you caught the subtle twitch at the corner of his mouth, as though he was fighting back a smile. "If it were a challenge, you'd know it."

The next day, determined to prove a point, you arrived even earlier, practically at the crack of dawn. You felt a surge of pride when you saw Hotch’s empty desk. You sat down, arranging your papers with a satisfied grin when you heard the door creak open. Hotch strolled in, holding his coffee and glancing at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Did you sleep here?" Hotch asked, his voice edged with amusement as he took in your determined expression.

"Thought I’d enjoy the office without the competition," you quipped, not missing a beat. "But I guess I was wrong."

Hotch set his coffee down, glancing at his watch pointedly. "Maybe try five minutes earlier tomorrow."

You laughed softly, shaking your head. If it weren’t for the pile of files on top of your desk you would probably search down the office looking for the secret bunker he had to use to hide in. "Maybe I will."

As the days passed, this playful rivalry grew, turning your early arrivals into a daily test of wills. You found yourself not just trying to beat Hotch to the office but eagerly anticipating your quiet battle of wits, moments where the two of you just coexisted in a space of mutual respect and silent competition. You found yourself noticing the little things, like the way he meticulously organized his desk, his unspoken but obvious disdain for the office coffee, and the way his focus never wavered, even when he knew you were watching. And though Hotch rarely let anything slip, you could tell he was enjoying it too.

One morning, you brought in coffee from a nearby café, one of the good ones, and set it on your desk with a pointed look at Hotch’s usual cup of the bitter office brew.

"Upgrading already?" Hotch asked, eyeing the cup with faint interest.

"Figured if I’m going to keep coming in early, I might as well treat myself," you said, lifting the cup slightly in a mock toast.

Hotch nodded thoughtfully. "Smart. Too bad I didn’t think of it first."

You raised an eyebrow, your tone playful. "I’ll grab you one next time. Wouldn’t want you to lose your edge."

Hotch smirked, his expression a rare mix of humor and challenge. "I’ll hold you to that."

Rossi, who often strolled in a bit later with his own cup of coffee, couldn’t help but notice the budding rivalry. One morning, as you and Hotch exchanged your usual nods, Rossi ambled by with a bemused smile tugging at his lips.

"I’ve gotta say," Rossi began, glancing between you and Hotch, "this little routine of yours is the most entertaining part of my mornings. Hotch, are you ever going to let her win?"

Hotch glanced up, his face the picture of neutrality, but his eyes held a glimmer of amusement. "I’m just here to work, Dave," he replied smoothly, as if your ongoing game wasn’t the highlight of his mornings too.

"Sure you are," Rossi said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. He turned to you with a knowing wink. "Keep at it, Y/N. Sooner or later, you might get him to crack."

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t suppress the grin that tugged at your lips. "I’m working on it."

Rossi leaned closer to you with a knowing grin. “I’ve seen people try to get through to him for years. Don’t lose hope. You might be the one to break the streak.”

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," you said with a chuckle, but his words resonated more than you let on.

The rivalry wasn’t just about who got to the office first anymore; it was about pushing each other in subtle ways. Hotch would occasionally leave a file slightly more open than usual, tempting you to sneak a glance. Sometimes, you’d leave your notes on display, knowing he’d catch something you were working on. These little tests became part of your dynamic, an unspoken way of challenging each other to be sharper, to think more critically.

One morning, you arrived to find a sticky note on your desk, written in Hotch’s neat handwriting: “Nice try. Better luck tomorrow.”

You laughed, shaking your head and scribbling a quick reply, sticking it to his coffee mug: “Don’t get too comfortable.”

As the day progressed, you found yourself lost in your work, occasionally sneaking glances at Hotch as he meticulously reviewed a series of photographs from his latest case. It was during one of these moments, late in the morning when the bullpen was nearly empty, as most of the other agents had just left for their lunch break, that you caught sight of a specific photograph that Hotch had been studying. It was upside down from your perspective, but something about the positioning of the victim caught your eye. You glanced at Hotch, who was fully absorbed in his work, before you shifted your gaze back to the image.

You couldn’t help yourself. "Hotch?" you called out tentatively, trying to sound casual.

He didn’t look up from the file, his voice as calm and collected as always. "Yes?"

"That case you’re working on... the one with the body positioned against the wall?" You gestured subtly toward the photo.

His eyes flicked up to meet yours, a hint of curiosity in them now. "What about it?" Thankfully he was so desperate he didn’t even call out on you snooping on his files.

You leaned forward a little, glancing between him and the photo. "Well... I couldn’t help but notice something about the victim’s posture. It looks deliberate, almost ritualistic, but there’s a subtle tension in the arms. It feels like... he wasn’t posed post-mortem. What if he was still alive when the unsub placed him in that position?"

Hotch’s brows furrowed slightly as he considered your words. He leaned back in his chair and studied the photograph again, his focus intensifying. After a moment, he glanced back at you. "Go on."

Feeling a little more confident now, you continued. "If the unsub posed him while he was still alive, it means he’s not just seeking control after death, he’s enjoying the power he holds over his victims while they’re still conscious. That could point to a different kind of psychological profile. It’s not just about domination or display; it’s about interaction. He needs to see their fear."

Hotch’s lips pressed into a thin line as he processed your theory, and you could almost see the gears turning in his head, coming unstuck for the first time. Then, to your surprise, he gave a slow nod. "You might be onto something."

You blinked, not expecting such an immediate acknowledgment. "Really?"

He leaned forward, quickly scribbling a note in the margin of his case file. "It changes how we look at his escalation pattern. If he’s interacting with them before death, it suggests a different type of compulsion." His gaze flicked back to you, and there was a hint of admiration in his eyes, though it was still masked by his usual stoic demeanor. "Good catch."

You felt a small surge of pride at his words, then you caught Rossi, who had been hovering nearby with his coffee, heard the exchange and couldn’t help but smirk. "Looks like you’ve got some competition, Hotch."

Hotch glanced at Rossi, his expression barely changing. "I’m always up for a challenge."

Rossi chuckled, clearly amused by the dynamic between you two. "This ought to be fun to watch."

Later that day, while you were both in the kitchenette grabbing some burnt bitter coffee, Hotch broke the silence. "You know, Rossi’s not wrong. I’ve worked with a lot of people, and not many would speak up the way you do."

You looked up, surprised by his sudden candor. "I guess I’m just stubborn."

"That’s not always a bad thing," Hotch said, his voice softer than usual. "It’s how you learn."

You shared a quiet smile before the moment passed, and you both returned to your desks. But it lingered, this newfound sense of mutual respect.

As the day drew to a close, you were working through your own case files, reviewing behavioral patterns for a consultation you’d been asked to give. It wasn’t as high-stakes as Hotch’s case, but it still somehow puzzled you. You were working through the details when you heard Hotch’s chair scrape against the floor as he stood up.

"You’ve been staring at that file for hours," he observed, walking around his desk to stand beside yours. "Something bothering you about it?"

You glanced up, caught slightly off-guard by his sudden attention. "It’s just... I’m having trouble piecing together the unsub’s motivations. The crime scenes are chaotic, impulsive. But then there are these little moments of control. It’s not adding up." You blurt out

Hotch studied the pages you had spread across your desk, his eyes scanning over the crime scene photos and notes. After a moment, he pointed at one of the reports. "The pattern of escalation doesn’t match with someone who lacks control. Look here." He tapped the page. "The victims all lived within a few miles of each other, but the attacks are spaced out by months. He’s controlling his impulses, waiting for the right moment."

You leaned forward, following his train of thought. "So he’s picking his moments carefully, but when he acts, it’s chaotic."

"Exactly," Hotch confirmed. "The chaos is part of his release. But the periods of waiting, of planning - that’s where his real control lies. He’s not impulsive, he’s deliberate. You’re dealing with someone who needs the build-up almost as much as the act itself."

A lightbulb went off in your head. "Which means the chaos at the crime scenes isn’t a lack of control: it’s the goal. It’s what he’s been working up to."

Hotch nodded, clearly satisfied with where the conversation had led, finally making you become unstuck. "Now you’re thinking like a profiler."

You smiled at his words, "Thanks for the help. I guess I owe you one”

Hotch’s expression remained neutral, but there was a twinkle in his eye. "I’ll remember that."

The rest of the evening passed in a comfortable silence, both of you working on your respective cases. But every now and then, your eyes would meet across the desks, and you couldn’t help but feel that there was now starting to be an unspoken understanding between you now, built by your small moments of banter.

Suddenly, as the clock neared midnight, Hotch spoke up again. "You should get some rest. Tomorrow’s going to be another long day."

You chuckled softly, packing up your files. "You always say that, but you never seem to take your own advice."

He gave you a rare, brief smile. "Someone has to keep an eye on you."

You raised an eyebrow, amused. "Is that what this is? You’re secretly just keeping tabs on me?”

"Something like that," Hotch replied, his tone dry but not unkind. "Besides, you’ve been sneaking glances at my case files all day."

You bit back a laugh. "Caught red-handed."

Hotch crossed his arms, though there was no real accusation in his voice. "Next time, just ask. I might let you take a look."

You smirked. "I’ll hold you to that."

As you both gathered your things and headed for the door, you glanced at him one last time. "See you tomorrow, early bird."

Hotch gave you a knowing look. "We’ll see who gets here first."

The next morning, when you arrived at the office, Hotch was already there, of course. But this time, as you approached your desk, you noticed something new. A fresh file, placed neatly on top of your papers, with a small note attached.

"For your curiosity. - Hotch"

You couldn’t help but grin as you opened the file and began to read.

You opened the file carefully, half-expecting it to be another mundane consultation, but no. The more you read, the more it drew you in: it was a cold case, one with a string of victims found in seemingly random locations but with similar grim injuries. Each one had been reported missing for weeks before their bodies were found posed in open fields. There was something about the methodical yet personal nature of the kills that stood out.

The file indicated that the team hadn’t cracked this one yet, and the investigation had stalled. Hotch was likely trying to see if you could spot something they hadn’t. You glanced across the bullpen at him, just coming back from the kitchenette holding a cup of coffee. His face was unreadable, but you could sense that this was a test, not in a malicious way, but in his own way of pushing you to think bigger, to trust your instincts.

You spent the rest of the morning poring over the details, making notes, and jotting down ideas. Something wasn’t clicking, there was no clear pattern in the victim’s personal lives. They weren’t all the same age, gender, or background. But then something Hotch had said to you while yesterday helping you on your consultation echoed in your mind.

"The chaos is part of his release. The periods of waiting, of planning, that’s where his real control lies."

You took another long look at the victims, and then it clicked. They weren’t random. The locations, the way the bodies were posed, they weren’t haphazard at all. It was a pattern, but not one based on the victims themselves. It was based on where they were found.

Without realizing it, you stood up from your chair and made your way over to Hotch’s desk. He looked up at you, raising an eyebrow as you approached.

"Got something?" he asked, setting his pen down.

You handed him the file, unable to hide the excitement in your voice. "It’s not about the victims. It’s about the locations. They’re all near bodies of water—rivers, lakes, even a man-made pond. I think the unsub’s been using these locations as part of his ritual."

Hotch’s eyes narrowed as he flipped through the file, his expression becoming more focused. "Bodies of water... it’s symbolic. Cleansing, rebirth."

"Exactly," you said, feeling the pieces fall into place. "He’s not just dumping the bodies. He’s placing them there, almost like he’s trying to wash away something. Maybe guilt, maybe some twisted idea of purification."

Hotch leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face. "That changes things. If he’s choosing these locations deliberately, we can use that to predict where he might strike next."

You nodded, excitement building. "There are three other bodies of water in the same radius where the previous victims were found. If we stake those out, we might catch him before he strikes again."

Hotch studied you for a moment, and for a brief second, you felt a flicker of self-doubt. Had you jumped the gun? But then, his lips curved ever so slightly into a small, approving smile.

"Good work," he said simply, and that was all you needed to hear.

Little did you know that the next day, you surprisingly found yourself riding in the SUV with Hotch, heading toward one of the potential strike zones you’d identified. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the landscape as the two of you drove in comfortable silence.

"I didn’t expect to be heading into the field this soon," you admitted after a while, breaking the silence. "Especially not with you."

Hotch glanced at you from the driver’s seat, his expression as calm as ever. "Let’s say your early mornings finally paid off. Besides, you saw something we didn’t, that’s exactly why you’re here."

The compliment caught you off guard, and you weren’t sure how to respond. Instead, you focused on the task at hand. "I just hope we’re right about the unsub coming back here."

"We are," Hotch said with a certainty that made you feel more confident. "He’ll be back. It’s part of his pattern now."

You spent the next few hours staking out the area, watching as the quiet evening slowly turned into night. The stillness of the surroundings, combined with the anticipation of the chase, made every small sound feel 10 times louder than it actually was. You and Hotch barely spoke, but the tension in the air wasn’t uncomfortable, it was rather a focused kind of tension, the kind that comes with knowing you’re close to a breakthrough.

Hotch glanced at you from the corner of his eye, his usual stoic demeanor softening just a bit. “You know,” he started all of a sudden, a hint of amusement in his voice, “I’ve been meaning to ask, did all those philosophy books you read in college inspire you to show up so early every morning? Is that where your existential rivalry with me started?”

Of course he had to poke fun at you again for your philosophy degree just when all the rest of your coworkers recently found out it wasn’t your only personality trait. “Philosophy books? Really? That’s where you’re going with this?”

“I mean, you’ve got that whole ‘deep thinker, rise-before-the-sun’ vibe going." He said with a deeper than usual mocking tone trying to simulate a hippie "I just assumed you were contemplating the meaning of life every morning before anyone else got to the office.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Yeah, that’s it. All those Nietzsche and Sartre quotes really got me fired up to beat you to the office every day. And here I thought you just couldn’t get enough of the terrible coffee.”

Hotch chuckled, his eyes briefly meeting yours before returning to scan the darkening landscape. “That’s part of it. But I have to admit, I didn’t expect you to keep at it for this long. Most people would’ve given up.”

You shrugged, playing it cool. “Maybe I just like a challenge. And it’s not every day you get to try and beat the infamous Aaron Hotchner at something.”

Hotch almost sounded surprised as soon as his full name escaped your lips but then his tone shifted slightly, more serious now, though still laced with that dry humor. “I know why you started showing up early.”

You blinked, caught off guard by his sudden change in tone. “Oh? Enlighten me, then.”

He leaned back in his seat, his gaze still fixed ahead, but his voice softened. “You wanted to prove yourself - to show that you were ready for more, especially to us senior profilers. You’ve got that drive, that need to show that you belong, and you wanted to earn your place, not just be handed it.” He glanced at you then, his expression more open than usual. “And I noticed it from the first time you walked in early, thinking you’d catch me off guard.”

You felt a mix of surprise and embarrassment; you hadn’t expected him to see through you so easily. “I… well, yeah. I guess I didn’t hide it as well as I thought.”

Hotch’s smile was small but genuine. “You didn’t have to hide it. You’ve got the skill; you just needed the chance to show it. And you’ve been doing that every day since.”

You nodded, feeling a strange mix of validation and warmth from his words. “Thanks, Hotch. I guess I just… didn’t want to be the newbie forever.”

He nodded, his expression thoughtful. “You’re not. And you’ve more than earned your place here, I wouldn’t have escorted you here to sit in my car for 4 hours straight otherwise.” He paused, his eyes returning to the scene outside. “But don’t think I’m going to let you win the next morning race.”

You grinned, the familiar competitive spark reigniting. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It wasn’t until the early hours of the evening, just when you were beginning to wonder if you’d missed something, that Hotch’s hand suddenly shot up, motioning for you to stay still. You followed his gaze, and there - just barely visible through the trees - was a figure moving toward the water’s edge, dragging something behind them.

The adrenaline surged through you as you and Hotch exchanged a quick glance, silently confirming what you both knew. This was it.

Moving as quietly as possible, the two of you approached, your hearts pounding in sync as you drew closer to the unsub. He hadn’t noticed you yet, too focused on his ritual as he began positioning the body at the water’s edge.

"FBI!" Hotch’s voice cut through the silence, sharp and commanding.

The unsub froze, and for a split second, you thought he might run. But instead, he dropped to his knees, hands raised, as if surrendering to the inevitable.

You and Hotch moved in quickly, securing him before he had a chance to change his mind. As you handcuffed the unsub, you couldn’t help but feel a strange mix of triumph and exhaustion.

Back at the office, the energy was different. You felt you weren’t just the youngest on the team anymore. You’d proven yourself, and even though Hotch didn’t say much, you could feel the shift in how he treated you. There was more trust, more recognition of your abilities.

The next morning, when you arrived at the office, Hotch was already there, of course. But this time, as you approached your desk, you noticed another file waiting for you, along with a familiar note.

"For your next challenge. - Hotch"

You couldn’t help but grin as you picked up the file, feeling the anticipation build once more. The friendly rivalry between you was still there, but now it felt like something more - a mentorship? Partnership? Definitely there was a shared respect.

As you glanced over at Hotch, already deep in thought at his desk, you felt a sense of belonging settle over you. Even if you weren’t part of the dreaded senior team just yet as you were still earning your place every day. Although you felt that with Hotch’s guidance, you knew you’d only get better.

"Let’s see what you’ve got for me this time," you muttered to yourself with a smile, flipping open the new file and diving back into the world of profiling.

And maybe, just maybe, Hotch was enjoying this as much as you were.

[moonstruck-writing]

Title: Permanence Characters: Kumon & Juza Hyodo | A3! Rating: G CWs: Kumon-centric, aged-up Kumon (over 18), angst, hurt/comfort, canon divergent, family troubles, (platonic) sibling bonding, kumon drives a motorbike Summary: Kumon’s anxiety is triggered by family problems, and Juza is there to offer him support Word count: 1.5k A/N: I wasn't planning on posting a hurt/comfort fic for Kumon's bday but here we are🙈​ He would like the sibling bonding so, happy bday Kumon 💕​

Kumon straddled his motorbike with the practised ease of someone who has ridden for a long time. However, he didn’t put on his helmet straight away. Instead, he placed it in front of him, before the handlebars.

He was supposed to pick some food up from his family home, that’s it. Their mum had so kindly made his and Juza’s favourite dishes. She had done that a million times. He knew the drill. It was almost routine.

Then, why did he feel his stomach was up in knots? He felt an intense sadness pressing down on his ribcage, urging him to throw up. How was he going to drive back in that state? And deliver Juza his part of the food, too?

He closed his eyes, trying to breathe in and out slowly through his nose. He could focus on his brother. Juza, strong and sturdy, had been a constant in his life. Nothing could change the fact that he was his older brother.

Would they have the same house to come back to anymore?

The thought broke through the happy memories he was trying to recreate, and Kumon bit his lower lip. He could feel his throat clenching, making his neck hurt. It felt like something big and unspeakable was being stored there. Something that didn’t exist yet, but that occupied the emptiness.

It was simply a fight, he told himself. Everybody fights now and then. This, too, shall pass. But he could still feel the shattered glass of the picture-perfect family scratching his skin as he walked through the scene in his mind. It shouldn’t hurt so much, but it did. He was barely bleeding.

He was weak. Kumon felt the tightness that had grabbed his throat, slowly descending to his chest. He recognised the sensation. It was a long-time friend he wanted to forget about. He recalled what he was supposed to do in times like this, keep taking slow, deep breaths.

The helmet slipped from the motorbike as he placed one hand over his heart and one over his belly. He felt the rise and fall of his belly, but his heart kept on rapidly beating.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He wasn’t about to have an anxiety attack in front of his house. He was not a high school kid anymore. He could handle this much.

But ‘this much,’ was too much. He wasn’t prepared for this. His family, his house, had always been a sanctuary. Had it all been a lie? Or had he been blind?

The vibration in his pocket distracted his mind momentarily, enough to gain temporary relief.

<Drive safely. I’ll be in the kitchen.>

Kumon let out a shaky exhale while clutching his phone.

“Big brother.” A sob broke from his aching throat. For a second, he wished he was small again. He wished Juza would come to pick him up, and Kumon would ride behind him, clutching his hands around him. He didn’t want to let go of his big brother. Would Juza also leave him behind? Had he already started walking away, and Kumon hadn’t realised?

He felt he couldn’t trust himself, or his perception and judgment.

His thumb hovered over the call icon, but he eventually turned off his phone. He didn’t want to be a burden. As the tears that had rolled down his cheeks dried, his emotions settled enough for him to feel more like himself again. His mind still felt muddy with darkness, but it wasn’t enough to make him swim.

The drive back felt quick as Kumon focused on the road and all the stimuli he had to pay attention to. When he turned off the engine, he felt his stomach drop.

How was he going to face Juza?

Did he already know, had he been perceptive enough to see the signals before their mum had to say anything? Or was Kumon supposed to inform him? And what was he even supposed to say? ‘I think our parents may divorce’? He was not the one deciding for them. It may never happen.

But it was a scary enough possibility, that had only ever been a bad joke in the past. A joke that would have never crossed Kumon’s mind, but now it occupied every little cell.

The picture of his family as he knew it was only that, a picture of the past, of all the memories he selected to build a future in his mind. A future that recreated the patterns he was able to see, not what remained invisible, overshadowed but important.

He remembered the way his mum had sounded. Tired. Like she had reached a limit one can only reach after years of reality.

And she had faced that alone, with no one to even see anything. Or at least, Kumon certainly hadn’t.

Kumon sniffled and took off the helmet, enjoying the feeling of the air on his skin. The cool breeze chilled him and made him feel like he could breathe better. He took in the sounds of the night, the distant car sounds, the rustling of leaves, and the mellow chirping of crickets.

It was time to face it all. He had to speak with Juza.

He took the carefully wrapped bag of food and entered the house. As he had promised, Juza was in the kitchen.

“Welcome home, Kumon.” Juza looked up from the textbook and notebook that were splayed on the kitchen island.

“I’m back, big brother.” The sigh that punctuated his usually cheery sentence put Juza on alert.

“Did something happen?” He saw Kumon visibly tense up. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I... I don’t know.” Kumon placed the bag on the counter and they both started putting the food into the fridge. “Mum and Dad had fought. Or are fighting? I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

There was silence, thick with everything left unsaid.

“I feel so stupid.” Kumon rubbed his face as if trying to wake himself from a dream. “This shouldn’t bother me so much. I am an adult. They are also adults.” He took a couple of steps back, putting distance between himself and the Tupperware brimming with food cooked with love.

A world where both things coexisted — his mum’s love, her habits, how she took care of them, how she expressed her affection; and the brokenness he had seen — seemed impossible.

“They will always be our parents.” Juza stopped organising the food inside the fridge to turn to look at Kumon.

“Will they?”

The strain on Kumon’s face made Juza hesitate. Cold kept spilling from the open fridge, like a wicked promise.

Juza looked at him in silence. He knew Kumon was asking something else, something that he couldn’t find the words to voice, but was flowing in the air around them. And Juza didn’t have the answer.

“Did you… also know about it?” Kumon pawed at his sweatshirt, engulfing his hands with the cuffs.

“About the fight?” Juza finished storing the food and finally closed the fridge.

“Yes, but… not just about this time.” Kumon leaned against the counter, looking at the floor.

“Fighting is a regular part of any relationship.” The words felt like a proverb, a shared knowledge everyone knew was true, but still, Juza felt alienated when they came out of his mouth.

“Yes, I know that.” Kumon sighed and rubbed his clothed palms in frustration. “But not like this.”

“They’ll figure it out. It’s something between them.” Juza’s throat felt hoarse like he had been reciting a script for hours — but he hadn’t.

“But… what if they… don’t?” Kumon raised his head and stared at him without blinking. “You didn’t hear how mum sounded. Or how she looked. It was…” He looked away, his eyes wide with something akin to horror.

Suddenly, he felt a weight plop down on top of his head. Juza massaged his scalp, half trying to shake him from his thoughts, half wanting to comfort him.

“You are here now, Kumon.” There was something that wrapped around his words as he was saying them. Finally, Juza exhaled, feeling like himself again. The one role he didn’t have to act out was being a big brother. It was part of who he was. He couldn’t escape it but would never even want to.

A shaky breath escaped Kumon’s lips.

“And I am here with you.” Juza ruffled his hair, his gentle voice contrasting with the swiftness with which he let go, and Kumon felt the pain of the distance.

“Should I have noticed sooner, big brother?” The sad edge that cut his words seemed to cling to his features, too.

“Go to sleep, Kumon. It’s getting late.” Juza looked back to the textbook.

“But…” His voice was soft, almost like a whine, and his throat pulsated painfully.

Juza reached for his head again, and this time, he brought him close to his chest. With his forehead against him, Kumon could feel Juza’s heartbeat.

“Nothing will happen tonight. Or tomorrow. There’s time for you to clear your mind. You don’t have to worry about it now.” Juza stroked his hair softly, and Kumon felt the calm that usually came back to him after a big cry, or puking. But he hadn’t done any yet.

Maybe his body didn’t need to reject the emotions that reality caused him anymore. Maybe he had simply needed the loving touch of someone important to him, to remind him that he was safe and loved.

.

.

.

Interactions, comments and tags mean a lot and they help me keep writing <3 anon feedback is welcome, too!

Masterlist | AO3

Please do NOT repost. Reblogging is okay! Characters belong to their rightful owners, the plot and content here belongs to @moonstruck-writing

[jaesvelvet]

i'll tell you what it says... it says i love you

warnings : this is so bad + cliche🥲 (pls let me know if there’s one!)

pairing : park jay + fem!reader

genres : slight angst and fluff at the end

words : 1.1k words

notes : this supposed to release as my birthday fic but i forgot😵‍💫

The problem you had with Jay is, he is an overwork type of person, no matter how tired he is. Sometimes you found him sleeping in his office room instead of your shared bedroom.

Being a considerate girlfriend you are— you can’t even count how many you guys fight about his bad habits. You are worried about the male’s health but he seems to care more about the paperwork.

Tonight is the same as other nights, Jay is still in his office. His soft lips pouted as he focus on the dim screen in front of him, you did text him so many times but his answer remains the same

“Go to sleep. Don’t wait for me, I'm okay”

You knew he will be okay since his body already blend with the unhealthy lifestyle he choose. As much as frustrated you are, you can’t do anything about it. The main reason is you are trapped in your shared apartment and you have no driving license to drive to Jay’s office to drag him home.

The clock keeps ticking, the seconds keep moving forwards, the night gets dark and there’s no sign of Jay’s coming home. The worried is now replaced by annoyance. Does his work more important than you? Work time already over hours ago and he choose to spend his precious time with some white papers?

You called him for the third time tonight, after the second ring he picks up. With a tired voice, he greets you softly but you’re too mad to realize it. You yelled at him, letting him knows that you had enough of his overwork habit and you threats him to leave him if he keep his ass in the office.

As usual, he argued with you back saying he needs the work to be done thus there’s no pile of files for him on the next day. The cycle keeps repeating itself, you yelled at him and he argued back and the next morning he make a promise to be home early which both of you knew, it was an empty promise. It’s just a word for the disagreement between the two of you to be over like how the wind flies the fallen leaves.

However, for tonight. The argument seems to heat up since you and Jay now arguing on the texting app. Never throughout your relationship, both of you fought so intensely. Normally Jay will give up and apologize first and you immediately forgot the reason why those useless fights started on the first place.

His texts keep making your blood boil and your text making his patient thinner. Neither two of you want to stop the argument soon. But soon you reached your limits, you hold on to the right icon beside the typing bar and record yourself saying something that you will regret immediately.

I should leave you since those fucking papers keeping you alive right now

Now you sitting beside the Queen-sized bed, hugging your knees tightly while burying your head between your knee caps.

Why did you ever say that? You should never let your emotions have control over you and now you said the words you didn't mean. A heavy sigh escapes from your lips— the sound of the notification that you set up only for Jay could be heard across the room. You sat far away from the dangerous electronic device, feeling anxious if you will lose control over your emotion again.

It’s been 50 minutes and you didn’t even dare to reach for your phone. The sound of keys jingling made your body freeze and your heart stop beating for a couple of seconds. Before you could hide under the blanket, your shared bedroom door was widely opened by Jay. You could see how tense he is with his pale face and dried lips.

“Jay...”

He quickly went for a hug, a tight one. You slightly feel suffocated in his embrace yet you didn’t think much about it. Your hands wrap around his torso, resting your head on his chest— murmuring sorry since you felt you went too far with your words earlier.

But the thing you are unaware of is after Jay heard your voice note, he was raged mad. He’s on the same page with you, emotion taking over his whole body furiously he holds the microphone icon, saying something that he gonna regret as soon after he releases the voice note.

Five minutes passed, the vexation in him starting to cool down, and now the guilt filled him. How can he say something awful to you? He checked on his phone, you still haven’t heard his voice note yet which is good, the probability to fix this is still high. Without wasting any more seconds, Jay grabbed his brown blazer and ran to the parking lot, he still have time to fix this and he doesn’t want to waste it.

Now here he is, hugging you tightly as if you’re about to run away from him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said that” you murmur, feeling your face turns warm and seconds later your tears fall.

“It’s okay baby. I’m sorry too” he kisses your temple. The last thing he want to be in his life was losing you. Jay couldn't even imagine how his life would be if you leave him, it may sound cliche but it’s the truth. Both of you already spent so much time together and just having a thought of separation is so weird.

“I shouldn't have been so overworked...”

“I'm worried sick about you!” you said, frowning as you look at his handsome face, God you can't even be mad so long to him with that good-looking face.

“I know, that’s why I’m sorry. I’ll try to change this bad habit of mine”

A wide smile could be seen on your face, finally, Jay tries to understand why you hate it when he overworks a lot. Jay’s hands that wrap around your torso loosen as he wipes your tears off from your face.

“You know, I'm too afraid to read your text after I said those words... Let me read—”

“Nope!” Jay quickly grabs your waist and place you on his lap

“Why? I will read it eventually” you pout.

“I’ll tell you what it says, it says I love you”

You scoffed at his words, you are not dumb you know the text could be his angry text and you didn’t wanna ruin the moment, so you give him a chaste kiss on his lips.

How you can get so lucky to have him in your life?

[bbhyeoliskooks]

hello!! how do you think txt would react to their s/o singing to them? i love your works and i want to see more!!

꒰ “𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗧𝗼 𝗠𝗲.” ꒱

How TXT would react if you sang to them.

◌ Genre: So much fluff :(

◌ Warnings: Tiniest mention of a heart attack, and unedited

◌ Song: Heart Shaker

ꗃ YE♡NJUN: singing to him on a car ride at 4am !!

◌ Both you and Yeonjun were fond of car rides where you could just sing your hearts out without anyone in the world listening to you scream your favorite songs

◌ Today on a 4am (which was incredibly irresponsible because you had classes tomorrow and you had to be up early at 6am), you two decided to go on a late night drive considering no one else would bother you

◌ It was full with fun conversations, both of you changing the subjects from time to time and telling silly stories that had your stomachs writhing with pain from how much you laughed

◌ The stares Yeonjun sent you were prolonged today... he couldn’t stop looking at you most of the car ride and you couldn’t help but notice this from how much you reciprocated the same action as well

◌ However, you were too shy to say anything; just looking out at the window whenever you felt his gaze or being in a “silly goofy mood” and singing as loud as you could, simply not trying anymore

◌ After 30 minutes of driving, you pulled over- and of course grabbing some of your favorite ice cream as well!

◌ That was when Elvis Presley’s iconic “Can’t Help Falling In Love” came on the speaker and your heart melted

◌ You loved this song so much... and so you sang with the most emotion as you could, melting the boy’s heart beside you, similar to the ice cream in his hand 

◌ He watched you in awe, and at one point he even turned down some of the volume just to hear you sing

◌ “You have such an angelic voice,” he complimented genuinely although it was random, and you were thankful for the shadow of the dark night because otherwise he would’ve teased you for how embarrassed you were

◌ He looked in your eyes this time, sending patterns of chills down your back from how intense his stare was. You two were just good, best friends... right?

◌ Then he smiled, seizing the moment to put his hand into yours once the time felt right

◌ “For I can’t help... falling in love with you.” 

◌ The heavenly voices faded before the song started to loop again, but the two of you didn’t care at all actually

◌ You just closed the space between you, becoming best friends to lovers like you had finally dreamed of so long

ꗃ S♡♡BIN: singing to him on the phone while he’s away on tour !!

◌ “I miss you,” you heard your boyfriend whine over the phone, his voice coaxed in sadness since the two of you were so far apart on his tour

◌ You smiled softly to yourself, knowing you felt the same and muttering the same thing back in an agreed manner

◌ Having an ego, you didn’t want to admit it, but you were dealing with the loss of not seeing him pretty roughly and even hearing him made you tear up

◌ Of course it wasn’t like you two were going to be apart forever...  but that didn’t help the hopeless feeling of missing him whenever you were alone in your apartment

◌ You missed the tall yet adorable boy with dimples, the one who made your day whenever he smiled at you from ear to ear

◌ It was like you couldn’t do much for him but support him online, along with many other moas

◌ Sure you were his one and only, but you wanted to do more for him; more so in the sense that you’d be making him happy too

◌ “Soobin?” You asked suddenly on the phone when the comfortable silence between you two became prominent in the room

◌ “Yeah?” His voice raised a couple notes at the end, almost raspy like from singing for so long

◌ “Do you mind... if I sing for you tonight? I mean... I just figured that you since you liked hearing me sing and I know I can’t do a lot but call you right now, I just thought that I’d-”

◌ You were cut off with a series of laughter from Soobin and you could tell he was quite elated to hear your performance; clearly, it was a yes from him

◌ Therefore you cleared your throat, took a breath and let the melody by itself guide you through the lyrics

◌ Soobin remained quiet in all this, taking in how sweet your voice sounded and loving the way it flowed into his ears 

◌ Soon you finished and all you heard was silence... which was concerning since Soobin usually showered you in praises after (not like you were expecting anything though!), and so you spoke up with a timid “Darling? You there?”

◌ Little did you know, Soobin was having a full on heart attack on the other side, screaming to his band members about how his significant other had the most beautiful voice??? in the world??? ever???

ꗃ BE♡MGYU: singing him to sleep !!

◌ As an idol, Beomgyu worked super hard to make all of his fans happy

◌ He did whatever he could to make moas smile, so today he went on VLIVE for an hour and answered some comments- even if literally anyone could see in his eyes he was tired

◌ You decided that, although you were shy, you would sing him to sleep while playing with his hair

◌ Beomgyu always loved stuff like this as a hopeless romantic, so on a daily basis he would practically beg you to sing to him before he said goodnight

◌ “Y/N, darling?” Your boyfriend looked at you with puppy dog eyes as the two of you laid together in bed

◌ You know what he was already going to ask and you rolled your eyes, pretending not to love it when in fact you were incredibly fond of singing to him

◌ Running your fingers in your hair, you softly started humming to both of you until your voice raised in a crescendo

◌ His smile was ardent as he stared at you, his eyes twinkling with nothing but love for you

◌ He said nothing though, enjoying this moment as much as he could before getting drowsy himself

◌ Happily you watched his eyes close gradually and he started to snore quietly

◌ Once you made sure he truly was asleep, you pulled the blankets over you two, hoping that he’d sleep peacefully

◌ As you were fixing the pillow, Beomgyu squirmed a little in his sleep mumbling something out loud

◌ “I love you, Y/N...”

◌ You grinned gently, pressing a kiss on his forehead as delicately as you could

◌ “I love you too, Gyu...”

ꗃ TAEH♡UN: singing to him after yeonjun tells him about how you used to sing !!

◌ “You know, I’ve never heard you sing before?” Taehyun half-questioned, his voice full of curiosity

◌ Surprised at his sudden inquisition, your ears burned and you quickly averted your eyes away from him

◌ “Oh, um...” You giggled nervously to yourself and scratched your neck. “How come you’re assuming I sing?”

◌ He smirked mischievously, shaking his head to prove you wrong (although he really was right), “Yeonjun told me about your days back in high school and how you sang once in front of the whole school! So now I want to hear my baby sing.”

◌ He pouted his lips as you pursed your own

◌ You’d certainly had to get back at Yeonjun- well, it wasn’t like singing wasn’t your thing... but since you knew Taehyun sung so well, you had gotten so shy about yours instead

◌ Groaning in Taehyun’s arms, you nuzzled your cheeks against his warm chest with favor. “Do I have to...? I’m too shy when it comes to singing!” 

◌ He laughed fondly at your cuteness, stroking your cheek with his thumb as delicately as he could. “Awh, it’ll be fine, Y/N! If you want, I can sing with you as well!”

◌ Before you could ask him which song, he started to sing some of the lyrics to “his and your’s song” while maintaining eye contact with you

◌ You shyly started as well, gradually getting into it until you could do it yourself- without even noticing that your boyfriend stopped in the middle of it

◌ He watched you with love in his eyes, adoring your beautiful voice- grateful to have a significant other who could sing so well

◌ You ended the song, finally opening your eyes to see Taehyun with the widest smile you ever saw

◌ “Wow, my love, you have the sweetest voice ever? Why did you ever keep such a thing from me?” He tilted his head to the side and suddenly you felt very guilty for not mentioning it before

◌ You looked to the side, ashamed of yourself, knowing he would see your insecurity. “Well... it’s just you sing so well and sometimes I feel like if you heard me, I wouldn’t be enough.” 

◌ His eyes grew sad with worry before he pulled you in for an even tighter hug, squeezing your hands that were in his as tight as he could with a whisper of: “it’s okay... to me, you’re perfect and your voice is just as beautiful as you inside and out.”

ꗃ HUEN♡NG KAI: singing to him after he had a hard day at work !!

◌ Unfortunately, your poor boyfriend had a horrible day at work and you were hoping to cheer him up after all of his efforts

◌ You even run a warm bath for him before he got home, once you read from his texts that he had a pretty exhausting day

◌ Instead he refused and just fell into your arms, extremely tired with hopes that he could stay there for the rest of his life

◌ You understood his fatigue right away, smiling at how he wanted you so close even if alone time usually sounded pretty good to him on busy days

◌ “It’ll be okay,” you cooed, just holding him tightly in your arms as tightly as you could as he sniffled in your chest

◌ You wish you could take away the pain altogether but that wasn’t possible... so you did your best to alleviate what hurt him today

◌ Then with a soft voice you sang his favorite song, playing with his blond hair that felt soft against your warm fingers 

◌ He was unable to say anything, feeling an immense appreciation towards you who tried so hard to cheer him up

◌ He just snuggled into you deeper, inhaling your scent that was ‘home’ to him

◌ It was his most favorite song in the world... and hearing you sing it?

◌ Boy, it was like absolute heaven to him T^T

◌ Soon the sniffles stopped and you looked down to see the most adorable Hyuka looking at you with tears in his golden brown eyes

◌ The sight just made you love him more as he kept mumbling precious “thank yous” towards you and you held him close, being so grateful that you had the best boyfriend ever even when the days were hard

◌ Wiping the fallen tear on his cheek, you rubbed your forehead against his, stealing this moment for one you wanted to remember. “I promise I’ll be here for you whenever things get tough, okay? I love you.”

◌ “And I’ll do the same,” he noted finally, pressing a kiss on your nose. “I love you too.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Released: November 1, 2021 (9:35pm)

Thoughts: stopp i really did this instead of the project i have yet to revise i-??? also i did a reaction i think exactly like this back in 2020, but i loved the idea so much i knew i had to do it again T^T LIKE AHFWSEFJE MARRY ME TXT??? anyway, thank you so much for requesting and i’m so happy you love my works :(( like awh most precious anon ever hehe <3

Taglist: @dj-fart , @atinyyylove

Tags:

[with-love-from-hell]

The Reflection.

{ft. Asmodeus}

Part 3 of the Body Image Series

Thank you all for the love on this series so far. It's been really cathartic to write it, and has brought me joy to see it so well received!

TRIGGER WARNING: severe starvation of MC, hospitalization and feeding tube mention, body dysmorphia, emotional abuse, fatphobia

Cw: eating disorders, restricting diet bullying via use of derogatory terms toward weight and appearance, poor body image, negative self-talk, talks of weight/appearance in general, mention of forced dieting, anxiety, panic attacks.

How do the brothers interact with an MC who has disordered eating habits: how they find out, what do they do, what their approach is, do they even understand what is happening, and how they comfort MC.

Genre: comfort, some fluff, some angst

Written for a GN!MC

WC: ~ 4.2k

Author note: Please take care when reading this one. Its a bit more on the intense side and does include a scene with hospitalization and feeding tubes are mentioned.

>>>Though I do have a masters degree in Psychology and clinical training in Eating Disorder Treatment, I am not your therapist, nor is this fic intended to take the place of professional help. If you are struggling with disordered eating, please seek support from a professional. Utilize the NEDA helpline via online chat, phone call, or text.<<<

Beelzebub.....Mammon.....Asmodeus.....Satan.....Leviathan.....Belphegor.....Lucifer

"Ooh! Mc! Look at this one!" Asmodeus squealed as he ran over with a blouse. He held it onto your chest, clearly trying to see what it would look like on you. "I think It would make your eyes just pop!"

You blushed, taking the clothing out of his hands. "T-thanks, Asmo. I suppose I could try it."

You were never one for clothes shopping, but Asmo seemed to always know the materials, silhouettes, and colors to bring out your best features. You often found yourself feeling good when you shopped with him. He gave you so many compliments, and gushed at whatever you came out of the fitting room in. He even sometimes momentarily convinced you that you would look good in anything. It was so different than how you experienced clothes shopping growing up.

Starting from a young age, your mother had been obsessed with your weight. She often forced you on diets, and made you participate in at least two intense sports while you were in school to ensure you were constantly exercising. You had never been overweight- if anything you had the average body for someone of your height and age. But to your mother, that wasn’t good enough. She had been a model, and if she couldn’t see the outline of your ribs, she thought you weren’t worthy of even a spared glance.

In a way, being dragged to Devildom was a blessing for you. You had finally started to build up some confidence thanks to Asmodeus’ constant praise, and he didn’t ever let you talk negatively about yourself. You didn’t have to worry about exhausting yourself with exercise for 4 hours every day, and you didn't have to deal with your mother’s constant scrutiny of your appearance.

You even enjoyed the food here, but because you were so used to your mothers restrictive diets, your appetite just...wasn't there. And you didn't think that was particularly a bad thing. The last thing you wanted was to gain weight and return home to the disgusted look on your mothers face. You could almost hear her already...

"Look at you, Mc. You completely let yourself go. How many calories are you even eating per day?? 10,000?!"

You shook her voice out of your head and turned your attention back to what you were doing. Asmo shrieked as you stepped out of the fitting room. You felt yourself growing warmer by the second as he gushed over how good you looked. He had you give him a few poses and his delighted squeals made your heart flutter.

"OH, babes! You look iconic." He cooed as he grabbed you by your hips.

You let out a nervous laugh. "It doesn't look that good, Asmo. Its just a shirt."

He clicked his tongue at you and placed a finger to your lips. "Hush. You look absolutely stunning. Like a shooting star!" He squeezed you into a tight hug.

You sighed, cheeks glowing in a brilliant crimson hue. Maybe he was right. You turned back into the fitting room and decided to look at yourself in the mirror. You did think the blouse looked good...but your gaze lingered on your figure for a little longer than you intended and that voice began intruding into your thoughts once more.

"Look at you. Just like a pig. Have a little self control, would you?!"

You snapped your gaze down, but the damage had been done. You shouldn't have looked. 

"Hey, Doll! I found another one that would look stunning on you!" Asmo shoved a dress in your hands. 

You smiled at him, but there was a sadness behind it. “I think I’m all shopped out for the day, Asmo.” 

He clasped his hands together and pouted at you. “Oh! Come on now! This would look just darling on you! Please!”

“Asmo, I-” 

“Pleeeeeeeasse!” He gave you the sweetest puppy eyes he could muster, making his bottom lip quiver just slightly. 

You sighed. “Alright...but just one more.”

“Yaaay!” He grabbed your hands a giddily jumped up and down. You laughed at his child-like happiness and turned toward the fitting room...but his next words stopped you dead in your tracks.  

"I thought about trying it on myself but your figure would fill it much better! Your curves would make that dress look so darling."

You whipped around to stare at him. Curves?? 

“Nobody will want to touch you with a bulging figure like that.”

You felt your hands begin to tremble slightly and you bit your lip to hold back tears that were threatening to spill.

Asmodeus noticed your discomfort immediately. He placed his hand delicately on your cheek. "Hmm? What’s wrong, dear?" 

You swallowed, turning away from him. "What did you mean by that?"

Asmo looked at you quizzically. "I mean- a dress like this would be much better suited for someone with some fuller hips." He laughed and slid his hands down his hips in an attempt to be seductive. "I certainly don't have the ass for it- not like you do."

“Take that off, it looks hideous on you. If you want to wear something like that, get rid that fat ass.”

You stood staring at him, feet glued to the floor. Your thoughts raced, his words blending with those your mother would say to you. Did he really think of you like that?

You turned your head to stare at yourself in the mirror. Instantly, you saw yourself as much bigger than before. From someone on the outside, you were pretty thin with some slight curvature to your hips and rear, but to you, you felt at least three times as big...and the image you saw of yourself made your heart sink.

You stayed quiet for a bit longer than Asmo was comfortable with. He wasn't sure what was wrong with you. Certainly his glowing compliments of your figure wouldn't have upset you, right? He moved toward you slowly, attempting to place a hand gently on your shoulder. "Mc...are you ok?" 

You threw his hand off your shoulder and shoved the dress back at him. Finally able to move, you bolted out of Majolish with tears streaming down your cheeks. Your face hot with embarrassment. 

"Mc! Wait!” Asmo shouted after you, but you were long gone. He stood in the middle of the store in shock. What did he say?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six weeks went by painstakingly slow. You only ate dinner during this time, and only a fourth of your average portion- which wasn't a lot to begin with. You completely avoided Asmodeus, as his words from the last shopping trip were still buzzing around your head. You could barely even face him until you knew for sure the "curves" he mentioned were gone. 

Over the past few weeks you barely even said a word to him. Every time he caught you alone, you made an excuse to avoid him, and you were ignoring all his texts and phone calls. He even tried getting Lucifer to ask you what was wrong, but you refused to speak of it. Your sudden distancing caused him so much anxiety that he started biting his nails- an unsightly habit for someone who takes such diligent care of himself. 

His persistence in trying to get you to talk to him only increased, and he was sure he was driving you crazy...But he was just so worried. You had dropped so much weight over the past few weeks; surely you weren't eating enough to sustain yourself. Your face was so sunken and pale- almost like a ghost. And you looked so wobbly when you walked...He wasn’t sure how you were even able to move at all given how unstable you looked.

He had to do something.

Finally he snapped. He had to be a little more cunning and manipulative to get you to talk to him. He made a plan with Mammon to get you alone where you couldn’t run away. Mammon agreed to do so because you were also beginning to worry him with your physique. Both of the demons hated having to trap you into a conversation so you'd just tell him what’s wrong already, but they both knew something was very wrong. Sure, maybe there were better ways to go about it, but they were really worried about you, dammit!

Mammon had texted you two days prior with a plan to celebrate his recent win at the casino at The Fall. He had even reserved a VIP room! You had seemed very excited to go out with him, so Asmodeus figured his plan was full-proof. Mammon sat with Asmo in the lounge waiting, but they weren't seeing your face in the crowd. Minutes turned into an hour, and hour turned to two, then three...

But you never showed up. It was nearly midnight, and you were never one to be fashionably late. Mammon was your closest friend (next to himself of course) and you rarely gave up an opportunity to go out with him- especially when he had won big at the casino and would obviously spoil you to death with his winnings. When Mammon mentioned you hadn’t made an appearance around the house all day, he really began to worry. Maybe you caught on to his plan somehow?

Asmo decided to suck it up and just barge into your room. Usually, he had more respect for your space than that...But he was getting desperate. Besides, he was quite concerned that no one had seen you all day.

"Mc..." Asmo knocked lightly on your door. When no response was given, he tried the knob. It was unlocked, so he gently pushed the door open.

He expected to see you in bed, but he found your room dark and empty. He squinted in the dark, trying to see if he could make out your form anywhere, but saw nothing. He sighed and turned to leave, but stopped when he saw your a soft glow illuminating the space under your bathroom door. 

Oh! They’re just using the bathroom. A wave of relief washed over him. Even though it was unlike you, maybe you had been late and were just getting ready now. He decided he could wait until you came out. You couldn’t avoid him when he was right in your space! He sat on your bed and crossed one leg over the other, bouncing his foot as he waited.

And waited.

...and waited.

Slowly, his optimism began to fade. He began counting to see how long it was taking for you to return from the bathroom, keeping time in his head. Maybe you were just taking a bath? But...wouldn't he hear the sound of water moving around then? He supposed you could have fallen asleep...

After nearly an hour, he decided he would check on you. He knocked softly on the door. No response.

"Mc...? It’s me...Are you ok?"

No response.

"Look, I don’t know why you're mad at me...but I just want to talk. Please."

No response.

"If you dont answer me, I'm coming in. If you don’t want me to see that beautiful body in the flesh then you better say something!"

Yet again, no response. Asmo bit his lip and turned the handle on the door. Like your bedroom door, it was unlocked. He felt bad for barging in on you...maybe you really were just in the bath. He burst the door open, ready to get whatever punishment you had for him over with so he could just talk things out with you.  

But the sight in front of him nearly made his lungs collapse.

You were completely nude- your body twisted on the floor in front of your vanity mirror. You appeared to be unconscious, looking so much paler than the last time he saw you. A small pool of blood collected near you left ear. The bath had been filled, but it was clear you didn't make it that far.

Asmodeus let our a scream that could have shattered every window in the House of Lamentation if not for the enchantments on the glass panes. He rushed to your side and dropped to his knees. His whole body shook as he lifted your head in his arms. He clutched you tightly to his chest and sobbed. You felt so cold...so frail.

"Please, no!" He wailed, rocking you back and forth. “No, no no!”

Lucifer hurtled himself into the bathroom, already in his demon form. His eyes were wide, and was clearly ready for a fight after hearing such a troubling scream coming from the human’s room. His face scrunched up in confusion when he saw Asmo kneeling on the ground with your naked body in his arms.  "Asmodeus? What are you-"

"Help!" Asmo choked out, tears overflowing from his eyes. "Please!"

Lucifer squatted on the other side of you. He placed two fingers to your wrist, eyes scanning your for wounds. His eyes widened with fear. "What the hell happened!?"

"I-I-I dont know!" Asmo sobbed, shoving his face into your hair. "I found them like this."

Lucifer immediately wrapped you in his coat and lifted you bridal style, beckoning Asmodeus to follow him with a tilt of his head...They needed to act quickly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You awoke to florescent white lights passing into your vision behind your eyelids. You blinked slowly, groaning at the headache it caused. You had a sharp pain in your stomach and you head was swimming in fatigue. Your other senses began to be grounded in the scene before you as you adjusted to the light.The ominous smell of antiseptic filled your nostrils, and the sound of soft beeping and distant muffled voices filled your ears. 

Your vision finally adjusted to the room before you. You were in a small room with light blue walls and tile floor. To your left was a large window with the blinds drawn closed- though you could see glimpses of bright sunlight. An IV, heart-rate monitor, and some other medical equiptment also stood by the head of your bed. To the right, a large blue curtain blocked your view of what you assumed was the entrance, along with two chairs that sat empty. A small television mounted to the wall displaying today’s news was in front of you. You squinted at the time stamp at the corner of the television screen: 7:16am. 

You weren’t sure how you got here. The last thing you remember was staring at yourself in the mirror while drawing a bath...

Thats right...you were going to go out to the club with Mammon, but you suddenly felt really sick. You were going to text him, but you couldn't remember where you put your phone. You remembered how dizzy you felt, and you used both hands to grip the sink to hold you up. 

You cant stop now. You’ve come this far. 

You were alarmed by the reflection staring intently back at you. Something felt...off. It’s face contorted in a way that you were sure wasn’t normal, and It seemed to be talking directly to you.

Your mother is right. You have no self control. You’re just a fat pig.

You cursed at the mirror in front of you. All you wanted was to be beautiful...like Asmo. 

You turn to the bath you drew for yourself. Maybe this will help clear my head, you thought. But as you took a step forward, your dizziness returned and you collapsed, hitting your head on the vanity that was once holding you up. 

As your mind drifted off into unconsciousness, the last thing you remembered was your own curt voice from the mirror.

You’re weak, Mc. Asmo deserves someone better than you. 

But now, here you are in what appears to be a human-world hospital. Did someone find you? You tried to move, but felt your stomach tense as a sharp pain shot up your spine. You collapsed back down, hissing at the sensation. You looked down and your eyes widened in horror as you saw a thick clear tube implanted in your belly. Panic arose in your chest and your breathing quickened. you heard the beeps from earlier quicken in pace, and you felt the room around you begin to spin. What's going on!?

“Mc,” an unfamiliar feminine voice called to you and you heard the curtain brackets move. “Relax Darlin', just breathe...you’re ok!” 

Your eyes were squeezed shut as you tried to regulate your breathing. As you found your panic subsiding, you slowly opened your eyes. A nurse in purple scrubs was smiling at you. She spoke in a thick Southern-American accent. “It’s good to see ya ‘wake. You gave us quite the scare.” 

You blinked at her. “Where am I?” 

“L.C.M.C.” She said softly, checking your IV. 

You scrunched your brow in confusion. The name didn’t sound familiar at all. “Where?” 

She chucked. “The University Medical Center. In New Orleans, Darlin’. Your brother and your boyfriend brought you in three days ago. They said they found ya conked out in the bathroom.” 

Your eyes widened. So you were in the human world, but who was she talking about? And why were you in New Orleans of all places?

She chuckled again. “You’ve been out cold since you got here. Those fine boys are really itchin’ to see ya 'wake, hun. Can I invite them in?” 

You hesitated. A quick glance down at the feeding tube in your stomach made your breath hitch.

"Oh honey, don't worry about that." She gave you a half-smile, noticing your anxiety about the tube. "They've been spending time with you in here during visiting hours while you was sleepin'. They've already seen it. Nothin' to hem n' haw 'bout."

You breathed in deeply, gripping the white sheets on the bed. "Uh- yeah. I guess you can bring them in.” 

She smiled at you and turned to head toward the curtain. “They'll be glad to hear you woke up. I’ll be back in a jiffy.” 

You picked at the skin of your fingers as you waited for her to return with whoever she was bringing to see you. At least you had the comfort in knowing it wasn’t your mother- but wait...she said one was your boyfriend and the other was your brother? Who was she talking about...

The nurse returned with a wide smile on her face. Behind her stood two familiar faces. 

“Mc!” Asmodeus squealed and bolted toward you. He wrapped you in a tight hug and buried his face in your neck. You felt his tears drip onto your skin. “I was worried sick! I thought...I thought you were g-gone.” 

Lucifer stood by the foot of your bed, arms crossed. He gave you a half-smile. His eyes were bloodshot and his voice was hoarse- it seemed like he hadn’t slept in days.  “Good morning, Mc. It’s good to see you conscious again.”

When Asmo pulled away from you, you could see that he was in a far worse state than Lucifer. His eyes were swollen and red, his nose was puffy, his skin looked pale and blotchy, his clothes were ill fitted, and his hair was a mess. You were shocked to see him like this.  

The nurse chucked again. “I’ll leave ya’ll to it. Give me a holler if ya need somethin’.” She turned and walked out of the room, leaving you alone with Asmodeus and Lucifer. 

The pair sat in the chairs next to your hospital bed. Lucifer's gaze fell to your feeding tube and a look of sadness crossed his eyes. Asmo stared at you anxiously, fidgeting in his seat. You wanted to say something, but your words were caught on your tongue. What could you say? 

After about a minute of silence, Asmo blurted out what he was thinking. “Mc...I’m so sorry for whatever I said to you. I can't forgive myself knowing you almost died because something I said made you want to starve yourself." He hesitated, lip trembling and tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Lucifer placed a hand on his back. Asmo spared a glance at him and took a deep breath before returning his focus to you. "I know it might be hard for you to talk about it, but I want to know why you felt the need to do that.” 

You turned away from him. You weren’t sure how to respond. 

Asmo grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly. “Please.” he breathed out at a volume barely above a whisper. 

You sighed. Somewhere deep inside, you knew he'd never intended to hurt you with his words. You explained to him how what he said reminded you of the words your mother used to say to you. You explained the past abuse you’d gone through, and how his comments about your figure had triggered so much for you. You couldn’t explain why, but you needed to prove to him...prove to yourself...that you could be beautiful...That you could be thin. 

Asmodeus stared at you, mouth agape. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. When you finished telling him about your experience, he shook his head violently. “Mc...that wasn't meant as an insult! You're body...you...y-you're perfect the way it was b-because...because it's yours!” 

You cocked your head at him and furrowed your brow. You weren't quite understanding what he was getting at. 

“What Asmo means,” Lucifer interjected, “is that he loves you for you. You look beautiful because you’re you, not because of your weight.”  

Asmo nodded aggressively. "Yes! Yes, exactly."

You blinked, awestruck. No one had ever told you that before. 

“Mc,” Asmo whispered, squeezing your hand once more. “There’s nothing wrong with you at all. You’re mother is the one who’s wrong.” 

You felt tears form in your eyes. Asmo wrapped you in his arms and placed a delicate kiss on your forehead. You both cried together. 

Lucifer excused himself to give you both some privacy and talk to the doctor about next steps in your care. You and Asmo sat talking together for what seemed like a century, talking about your past, and how he can avoid triggering such feelings as what lead you to starve yourself. He was very attentive to your emotions, and never let go of his vice grip on your hand. 

You discovered that you had been brought here because it was the closest portal to the human would from the House of Lamentation. Lucifer had carried you here, made up a lie about him and Asmo's relationship to you, and they stayed awake the entire time.

Before you knew it, Lucifer and the nurse returned and explained that you will be going to be transferred the following day to another hospital for a 5-week inpatient eating disorder treatment program. You felt the anxiety rise in your chest, but Asmo’s reassuring squeeze of your hand grounded you. You agreed to the treatment, wanting so badly to rid yourself of the burden your own reflection caused.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The treatment went quicker than anticipated. You called Asmodeus twice per day to talk to him about your anxieties and tell him how recovery was going. You told him how you learned so much about fatphobia, and you were learning how to not be afraid of weight gain. You explained to him how internalized hatred of fatness was dangerously toxic. He listened to you intently, and even learned some things himself. He was your biggest supporter, and insited on joining Lucifer on his weekly trips to visit you in the treatment center. During his visits, his hands never left yours- gripping you for dear life...as if you'd dematerialize if he ever let go. 

As your bond with Asmodeus grew stronger, He even convinced Diavolo to let you stay in Devildom indefinitely, if that was what you wished. He couldn’t bare the thought of you returning to such a venomous person such as your mother, who sucked the joy and confidence out of the person he loved so dearly. His validation and compliments increased ten-fold, and you never found yourself without some kind of reassurance when you needed it. He treated you to weekly spa-days, and bought you a whole new wardrobe as an apology. You tried telling him there wasn’t a need, but he wouldn’t rest until you radiated confidence every single day. 

Asmo’s protective nature of you also skyrockets. He snaps at anyone who dares make comments about your appearance that could be taken negatively. On one occasion, he nearly strangled a Majolish employee who made a snide comment about Asmo needing to be with someone who’s more “in his league.” While the comment did hurt, you hard to pry Asmo’s claws off the employees neck, reassuring him that it was okay and you weren't as easily triggered as you had been in the past. 

Nights are no longer spent alone, consumed in your thoughts about your body. You spend them curled up in Asmo’s bed, as he hums to you and runs his hands through your hair. Every night before bed, you look in the mirror, you give yourself time to breathe, and repeat to yourself that you’re worth more than your appearance. 

Asmo will often come up behind you, kissing you gently on the cheek and placing his hands steadily on your waist. His fingers will graze the scar from where your feeding tube was inserted in the hospital. His hands will always find their way to yours, locking your hands together. His breathing will slow, and he will whisper softly in your ear:

“Darling- this is the reflection of someone who is worthy of love.” 

[honeyfizzly]

My favorite thing about each yttd character because there is no time to grieve when you're a boss babe

Long post oops

Sara- I love her complexity as a character, she both can fit as an audience surrogate while also having a personality of her own. Of course she has her moments of being a self insert (mainly at beginning) but she very much feels fleshed out as a character (with how she suffers from pressure, and has selfish thoughts and actions).

Joe- love how his mini character arc is wrapped up so well in just one chapter- he struggles with trust vs distrust, and in side jou novel he struggles with his own morality as well.

Keiji- the way he pushes blame onto other characters for his own actions is a defined trait throughout the entire game (before being stated outright in chap 3b). Like how he had such a intense grudge against megumi, Shin, and midori. It's interesting to think about how keiji as a character would change if we weren't on his side

Gin- my son, my precious boy. Anyhow I adore how Gin isn't just the "little kid" character and actually contributes to the plot, but it's also clear he's a little kid with his limits.

Shin- the way abusive victims are presented and the conflicted feelings that come with after the abuser is gone hit way too hard to home.

Qtaro- love how he was able to completely sway the opinions of the fandom, from most people hating to loving him. Qtaro went down like an absolute icon in 3b and even made me emotional.

Kanna- love how she's smarter than she seems, not to a unrealistic sense either. Like for example, she was the one who figured out the password to kai's laptop in chapter 2, or how in chapter 3 she mentioned that she felt like she knew that the message was fabricated.

Kai- I absolutely adore his humor, I was excited to play his route in ytts cause Kai is just a character with a great sense of humor (imo)

Reko- love how kind she is! Unlike what certain people say, she dosent hate men- rather, she's harsh on the strong, and kind to the weak. She's such a lovely big sister figure to Gin and Sara (oh and her comforting Ranmaru when he pulled off his hand was a nice scene as well!)

Alice- I love the way he talks! Not much to say, the way he talks is just very fun to read and write

Nao- i love practically everything about nao since she's my favorite character- but my favorite part about her would be about how she tries to take burden off of Sara's shoulder (like how she killed fake reko, or instead went to shin for help instead of Sara).

Mishima- love how he's like the only yttd character with his shit together, like he already had his character development before the story.

Ranmaru- I love the dichotomy between his character depending on the routes, and how his development makes sense in both routes.

Mai- I love her big dumb hat! It's memorable and so so dumb...I love it!

Kurumada- I love his character development and his care for the dummies, he starts off not wanting allies to be willing to to die for them.

Hinako- I love her attitude like her sarcasm and cynical nature (and also how she dumped hot coco on ranmaru)

Anzu- funny clown girl! I personally think she's very funny (it's also tragic how she fails at everything 💔)

Shunsuke- he is litterally some guy! And that is okay, he is allowed to just be some guy

Sue miley- her introduction really sets the tone for the game- showing how no matter who you are, or how kind you are, you can't escape the will of majority.

Tia safalin- she's a very morally ambiguous character- at times helping, and at other times making it painfully clear that she is absolutely not their ally.

Rio ranger- I love his funny little face masks, very cute.

Gashu- his stupid lil mustache

Midori- his death lolz

[moonctzeny]

Baby

au+trope+prompt game: college!au Jaehyun + fake dating + it’s just so hard not to fall in love with you

pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader x asshole!yuta

other members as background characters: yuta, mark, johnny, jungwoo

genre: angst, smut

word count: 9,124

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic behaviour

summary: “When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

a/n: I really don’t like putting yuta in a negative light like that it’s just for the fic’s sake! also I literally used the name Naeun as Jaehyun’s ex because I think it’s SUCH a pretty name, NO correlation whatsoever to any korean celebrity named naeun!

_____________________________________

You knew it was wrong.

Looking through your boyfriend’s, Yuta’s, phone while he took a shower, was the arguably the tackiest thing you have ever done.

He was always distant lately, only seeming to make time for a booty call, and at first, you blamed your hectic schedule. Your major was demanding, to say the least, so when Yuta suggested that you replace your dates with some “quality time” at his dorm, you had no objections. You didn’t know that he also meant ignoring your calls, canceling on you at the last minute to meet up with his frat brothers, and keeping your relationship strictly between four walls and two naked bodies.

The thought of him meaning more to you than you meant for him ate you away. It creeped in your mind while you heard the water running from your shower, and lead your fingertips to tap in the password of his phone.

Opening his messaging app, you recognize his best friends’ icons in a group chat consisting of his frat members. You scrolled up, ignoring the latest massages regarding a party that the frat would be throwing in two weeks. You started to feel guilty, not exactly sure what you were looking for, when you saw your name at the screen.

m0rklee[00:10]: @yutassanhyung, i saw your girl today at the supermarket! why didn’t you tell her about the party next Sunday?

you[00:12]: what girl lol  

m0rklee[00:13]: y/n?? i thought you guys were together?

you[00:12]: nahh

fairyteil[00:15]: eyy @yutassan if you’re done with her i know a couple guys who wanna hit it too

you[00:16]: be my guest haha

you[00:16]: don’t get me wrong she was bad when we met but shit is getting kinda stale

tenoutoften[00:17]: aren’t you on your way to her place lol

you[00:17]: hey hey pussy is pussy

Was that all you were to him? Pussy?

Yuta called you special, he called you yours. He didn’t like it when you were talking to other guys. He ripped your lingerie set because he didn’t want anyone else to ever see you in it but him. And then he dared to go around and call you a fling?

You heard the water stop running and knew you didn’t have much time until you had to face him, the thought alone making you sick.

You didn’t bother to lock his phone again, leaving the chat that made you so upset open. Grabbing your keys and a jacket, you left your place and hoped that Yuta would get the message and get the fuck out of there before you came back.

Your legs walked on their own accord, your memory leading you to the only place where you knew you’d find any sort of comfort. When Johnny opened his door, tears were already streaming down your face. He took the open tequila bottle you were holding and pulled you in for a hug. He smelled like weed and beer, and after hearing the “Is that the pizzas?”, you realized that your best friend wasn’t alone.

You quickly wiped your cheeks and fixed your sex hair that Yuta messed up, trying your best to look presentable. Johnny put a hand on your back and lead you to his living room. Jungwoo, your and Johnny’s friend from high school, was sprawled out on the couch, a little disappointed after seeing that you were, in fact, not the pizzas. Next to him, drowning in a bean bag, was Jaehyun. You didn’t really know him very well other than the fact that he took the same major as Johnny, so you felt a little insecure looking as messy as you did right now. His eyes were red, just like the other men’s, but you could swear his eyelashes looked a little damp.

Jungwoo’s words were muffled by the barbecue chips he was munching away.

“Yoo y/n, I didn’t know you were coming!”

You placed the tequila bottle on the table,

“Yeah, Woo, figured you wanted something to drink”

“Move” Johnny murmured to him, but he only stretched and sighed dramatically, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

“I don’t need a drink I need food. I’m hungry and I got the munchies”

Johnny grabbed his ankle and with impressive ease, dragged Jungwoo to the floor. The taller man sat on the couch, on the side next to Jaehyun and you followed his lead, letting a grumpy Jungwoo lean his head on your knees. Taking the lit joint from Jaehyun’s fingers, Johnny turned his attention back on you.

“So tell me chica” he said and took a hit, “who do I have to beat up?”

“Yuta”, you grumbled, “I’m ghosting this motherfucker”

You felt the vibrations on your lap when Jungwoo started talking.

“What did he do this time? Didn’t I tell you not to get involved with stupid frat boys?”

You started petting his hair, the softness comforting under your fingers.

“Apparently I’m not ‘bad’ enough for him anymore” you replied, throwing air quotes and rolling your eyes.

“Whaaaaat” Johnny drew out with a cough after taking a particularly deep inhale from the blunt, “you’re like the baddest bitch I know. Even now, that you’re all puffy from crying and smell like his dick”

You hit his shoulder, almost dropping the joint he was passing to Jungwoo, embarrassed that he would say something like that in front of Jaehyun, an almost stranger to you.

“I don’t know, man” Jungwoo started, and you could hear the smile on his face, “when girls cry it’s kinda hot”

You were contemplating how many hairs of his you should rip out of his scalp when the telecom rang, assumably by the pizza delivery man.

“Saved by the bell”, Jungwoo muttered to himself and got up quickly to open the door. While the youngest paid for the pizzas, Johnny held your hand, a bit guilty for his words earlier. He had a mischievous smirk and kept shifting his gaze between you and Jaehyun, who had been sitting in silence ever since you got here, occasionally smiling at your friends’ teasing.

“Fuck Yuta, man. You should find a nice guy to treat you well and fuck you even better y’know?” he started, and patted his buddy roughly on the back, “Like Jae over here”

Your eyes widened and you instinctively glanced at Jaehyun, ears a deep red and a matching shocked look on his face.

You cleared your throat, “No offense, but, like, aren’t you practically married to this girl-uhhh what’s her name again? Naeun?”

To someone who wasn’t listening to your conversation, it must have seemed like you tased him, or brought up a painful childhood memory, or asked him if he’d be willing to lick a lemon after washing his teeth. He looked away from you, and turned his attention to his nails, ripping a cuticle off in deep concentration. His voice was so quiet when he finally spoke, that you barely heard him. “I broke up with her, actually.. Like, three hours ago”

Guilt washed over you in an instant, not knowing that you scratched a wound so fresh. You wanted to apologize and even ask if you should leave the three alone, when Jungwoo grabbed the Tequila bottle and crashed on the couch clumsily between you and Johnny.

“Fuck love!”, he yelled, “let’s get wasted”

_______________________________________

You stared at the empty José Cuervo bottle rising up and down Johnny’s chest with every one of his snores. He was laid out on his couch, his tall height taking up all of its entirety, leaving Jungwoo passed out on the floor. Jaehyun followed your eyes and smiled at Johnny’s sleeping face, mouth open and tongue spilling out.

After the 4th shot, you found out that Jae was a pretty decent guy. He let you rant about Yuta while your friends were busy trying to see who could eat a large pizza by himself the fastest. You told him all about how you never went on dates anymore, how you looked through his phone after having sex, and the text conversation you found earlier tonight. He listened carefully, without judgment, and after smoking some more of Johnny’s staff, he opened up to you about his relationship with Naeun.

Or rather, how he found her fucking his roommate on his own bed.

You always thought of these two as what they call a ‘power couple’. Valedictorian meets basketball all-star, they graduate and have beautiful babies, while all the rest of us mortals can do is admire from afar. You would have never guessed the toxicity, constant cheating and manipulation that Jaehyun was recounting. You bonded over stories about cancelled dates, emotional distancing and feeling like you’re always the one giving but never receiving. If you were being honest, you would have never expected such emotional depth from a college point guard. He drew you in with his gentleness, and you noticed how different he was from Yuta, who engulfed you with his intensity. You also hated how even now, you were still thinking of him.

Just then, you got his third message for the night:

asshole [03:35]:come on baby don’t ignore mee, me and the guys were just messing around

you [03:36]:stop texting me

you [03:38]:we’re done

You locked your phone, upset and angry, and felt Jaehyun sigh.

“I know I’m falling for her stupid games, but I just want to get back at her y’know? Show her what she’s missing, that type of thing”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. During the past hours, you weighted all the possible ways you could make Yuta regret ever taking you for granted.

He was so charming that he could get laid with anyone he wanted (and probably did, even when you were ‘dating’), but even after what he said to Taeil, you knew that he hated the thought of anyone else fucking you. He wanted your body to be his, without having to deal with the commitment that came with that privilege.

You thought about fucking one of his frat buddies, but that would get you from being called ‘Yuta’s girl’ to ‘ΘΨΩ’s cumslut’, and your self esteem couldn’t take that blow.

Jaehyun’s deep voice interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Maybe Johnny’s right”

“Huh? ”

“You should date me”

You blinked at him twice, not knowing what to reply when you saw him wave his hands frantically in front of his face.

“Fake date me! I mean, you should fake date me. Sorry, the weed’s got me a little fucked up”

At first, the idea seemed crazy. Yes, it would make Yuta furious that you were supposedly fucking one of the hottest guys on campus. Yes, Naeun would get mad that she didn’t have Jaehyun’s constant attention that she so craved anymore. Yes, you two might have revealed your deepest insecurities, opened up your hearts to each other all while sharing a bottle of alcohol, but you had never hanged out together without Johnny being present. You had barely hanged out together, period. But wouldn’t that make it even more believable? Two of Johnny’s best friends break up at the same time, meet up at his house and inevitably end up together. You didn’t share the same major, so you wouldn’t have to put up the act too much at college. And with social media, making a fake relationship believable was easier than ever.

asshole [03:42]: fuck you. you think you can find someone better than me?

Drunk and lacking logic, you agreed on the plan, and gave him your number. You had just finished creating the contact on his phone when he suddenly got up and rushed to the bathroom, facing the consequences of the tequila and weed combo.

You passed out on Johnny’s bean bag and when you woke up on Sunday afternoon, Jaehyun was gone.

———————————————————

You didn’t expect him to text you on Monday, thinking that it was intoxication that gave him the idea of fake dating and made it look brilliant. So when he gave you the address to his dorm, to further discuss your ‘operation’ you were surprised, but determined to succeed.

The plan was simple. You would start tagging each other on your instagram stories, to show people that you were spending time alone. He agreed to pick you up from your lecture on Wednesday, your classes coinciding on neighboring buildings. And for you final act, he’d come with you as your plus one for the frat’s party next Sunday. Mark was nice enough to invite you, after Yuta ‘forgot’ to do it instead, and Naeun, being Taeil’s sister, wouldn’t miss it for the world. It was the perfect opportunity to flaunt your new relationship, all while being on the opponent’s part of the field.

You started off innocently enough. After you and Jaehyun finished brainstorming ideas about the ‘operation’ as he insisted on calling it, he suggested you stay for a movie and some Chinese food. His dorm was cozy, a little messy, maybe, but it fitted his boyish charm. He had a nice collection of vinyls, stating that his favorite one was I. by Cigarettes After Sex. You were a bit taken aback by his love for dreampop and rnb, but the more you got to know him, the more it seemed to fit him nicely. On the wall next to his bed hung a display full of all of his sport trophies. He was known for his basketball skills, but you also saw medals for soccer, track, volleyball. Amongst them all was an English certificate and a spelling bee award. You wondered if he ever felt pressure trying to be so perfect all the time.

The movie was terrible, but Jaehyun managed to entertain you by making silly jokes throughout and mocking the actors’ bad acting. It was the first time you ever saw him crack a joke like that and be willing to contort his handsome features. So much better than the dream boy image he was feigning for everyone, but you didn’t know him well enough to tell him. The movie was halfway done when he picked up his phone and opened a camera app through his Instagram.

“Shouldn’t we take a story? Since we’re together anyways?”

You nodded and scooted closer to him. He was a bit hesitant as he positioned the camera to capture your legs that were touching, a scene from the movie playing in the background. It was a cute picture but nothing indicated that the two of you were more than friends. You pressed the X at the top of the screen to discard the picture, and placed his hand on top of your thigh. You turned around just in time to witness his ears turning into a fuschia pink.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded and regained his cool, taking the picture and tagging you with a red heart next to your username.

A couple hours after leaving his place you texted him, asking if Naeun had replied to his story. He said that unfortunately, the only person who batted an eye was Johnny, replying with a “ 👀 👀 👀 “ .

———————————————————

You met up again the next day, at your apartment this time.

He looked nervous being in a place so foreign to him yet so personal to you, so you decided to turn the lights down to help him relax, insisting that you weren’t trying to seduce him or anything. He laughed at your joke but still looked tense, and you thought that maybe he needed some liquid courage to open up.

“Hey Jae. Want a drink?”

It took him 3 beers to finally loosen up and show you his dimpled grin again. You were sitting on the floor, facing each other and feeling comfortable in the ambience of the room. A Spotify playlist was playing in the background so it would fill up the awkward silence but wouldn’t distract you from your conversation.

“Wait wait wait. So you sleep without a pillowcase?”

“Yeah, didn’t you notice it when you came to my place yesterday?”

“I thought you forgot to do your laundry!”

His laugh was resonating and deep and manly. It made his eyes disappear and his face light up, not that it didn’t anyway - the guy could easily be a skin care ambassador, and you made a mental note to ask him about his moisturizer later.

You followed his gaze to one of your walls. Pictures were filling it up, memories of yourself and your siblings, of your friends from home that you missed, of Johnny and Jungwoo. You felt a little insecure then, comparing them to Jaehyun’s countless medals and awards.

“I’m not good at sports like you, so I have nothing else to hang on my wall”, you laughed awkwardly but he shook his head.

“No, I’m actually jealous of you. Everyone always seems to want to be around you”

“Except Yuta”

“Yuta’s an idiot, then. You are way out of his league anyways.”

You felt yourself turning into a blushing mess and looked for a way to break the awkward silence that followed his comment.

“Wanna share another one?” you asked him, shaking the empty beer bottle on your hand and he nodded. You started getting up when you felt him put a hand on your shoulder and pick up the bottles you had finished up from the table himself. He rinsed them off and put them away to the recycling bag next to your sink, the domesticity of the action making you melt. You watched as he stood on his tiptoes to reach a lager from the top drawer of your fridge, revealing a defined set of abs and two cute dimples on his lower back. You ripped your eyes away immediately, like you were caught doing something illegal, and he walked back to his spot next to you. As soon as he sat down, he groaned and threw his head back.

“The bottle opener was on the kitchen counter. I forgot to bring it”

Without saying a word, you took the beer from his hand and placed the cap in your mouth. It was a party trick that your older brother had taught you when you were 15. After finding a stable indentation on your teeth, you manipulate the rough edges of the cap and pop the beer open. You return the glass bottle to Jaehyun, who’s looking at you incredulously.

“Fuck me, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen”, he breaths out and you feel your whole face burning up. You opened and closed your mouth a couple times, trying to register that someone like him thought you were hot, when you felt your phone vibrating, saving you from further embarrassing yourself.

Johnny’s picture lit up on the screen and you mentally prepared yourself for the following conversation. You and Jaehyun decided against telling anyone about your relationship being fake. It’s not that your best friend wasn’t reliable, but if you told Johnny you had to tell Jungwoo, and Jungwoo doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut to save his life.

“John, what’s up”

“Eyy chica what took you so long?”

You looked at Jaehyun who had leaned back against the pillow of your couch and sipped on the beer you would share.

“Yeah sorry I was a little busy”

“Busy.. with Jaehyun?”

You tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but you were still trying to recover from the previous incident.

“Yeah, he’s here”

“Ohh I see, little y/n can’t get enough of Jae’s slam dunks.. I bet he’s teaching you the bank shot, the opening tip, the double dribble, the fast break, the palming.. he sure is great for a rebound-”

You interrupted him, growing tired of his nonstop basketball innuendos.

“Why did you call me Johnny?”

“Damn, sorry, I just wanted to ask you what you wanted for your birthday”

Shit, you forgot about that.

“Just get me whatever, I don’t care, you know how much I hate celebrating anyways. I’ll get the cake myself, so no surprises”

Jaehyun lifted his brows and waited patiently for your call to end before asking:

“What are we celebrating?”

“It’s my birthday on Friday. I’m going to invite a couple people over and Johnny’s already stressing over it. Don’t worry, though, you don’t have to come”

“How can your boyfriend not come to your birthday party?”

You laugh bitterly.

“Well, it’s not like Yuta came last year. To any of my parties for that matter”

“Well, he must have made up to you somehow? Got you a very special gift or something?”

“If you count eating me out as a gift then yes. It was very rare indeed.”

You took the beer from him and took a sip yourself. You noticed he had his eyes glued on his phone, his expression gloomy.

“Is everything okay?”

He snapped out of it at the sound of your voice and turned his phone screen towards you.

It was Naeun, or rather a post on her instagram account. She had her tongue out in the picture, hugging two guys that were unfamiliar to you. You read the caption.

“One day the loser will realize that the diamond he thinks he’s playing with is actually a rock”

Jaehyun mumbled an apology. I guess he thought that you’d be a bit offended being called a ‘rock’ but you were actually feeling satisfied. Your fake relationship had managed to get her attention, and for Jaehyun’s sake, you wanted to rub it in her face even more.

You opened your camera app and placed your phone on the table next to you. He figured what you wanted to do so he sat up straighter and motioned to his lap. You’d normally be a bit hesitant to sit on him if it wasn’t for the two beers and your determination, that had fired up again due to Naeun’s words. Leaning back a bit, you set up the self-timer and he put his hands on your hips to stabilize you.

You had agreed on turning up the boldness of your pics, so you placed your hands on his neck, right under his jawline. He snaked his hands upwards and wrapped them around your waist, bringing you even closer. His eyes were glossy from the alcohol and he looked at you with an impressive calmness, considering the intimacy of your position. It seemed like he was waiting for something, the ticking of the timer urging you to take things a bit further and he nodded, as if giving you permission. You leaned in, and pressed your lips on the corner of his mouth, like you couldn’t decide on kissing his dimple or his lips.

After hearing the click you climbed down from his lap, and prayed that the photo came out in focus. Your heart couldn’t handle another retake. From the angle of the camera, it seemed like you were a couple in love, sharing a sweet kiss on the lips. You added a cute caption and tagged him, so he could repost it later on his own account.

It hadn’t been 5 minutes before your phone lit up.

yutassan replied to your story: what the fuck?

You smiled triumphantly and showed the message to Jaehyun, who laughed at Yuta’s reaction. He gave you an excuse about some forgotten homework and how it was late and he has to go.

“Remember, I’ll pick you up tomorrow from class, so wait for me”

After he left, you thought about your almost kiss and the dimples of his back for way too long.

——————————————————

You exited the classroom with a growing headache. The lesson today seemed extra boring, and all you could think about was that you had to convince Johnny that it really took just three days for Jaehyun and you to officially start dating.

As promised, the pair waited for you at the end of the hallway, your best friend looking at the two of you expectantly. Jaehyun was a good actor, you thought, as he approached you before you got to reach them, meeting you halfway.

“Hey baby”, he smiled at you, the nickname turning your legs into jelly. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder, and kissed your cheek sweetly, making Johnny coo at the two of you.

“I can’t believe that I hadn’t thought about pairing the two of you together earlier”

He must have thought that the awkward body language and the silence that fell was a sign from you and Jae to leave you alone. He excused himself, saying something about “letting the young lovers swim in the pool of their love”, or something along those lines.

The two of you walked together, following the road to your next class that was just a few buildings away.

“So how has class, baby

You rolled your eyes at the insistent nickname, “you know that Johnny left us, like, 5 minutes ago, right?”

“Let me enjoy itttt”, he whined, “Naeun never let me call her anything like that”

“Why is that?”

He looked at his feet moving and frowned in thought.

“She said I was embarrassing her in front of her friends. I think she just didn’t want other guys to know that we were together”

You felt a pang of sadness and you realized that it always followed any conversation you two had about his and Naeun’s relationship.

“Well then if you call me baby, I can will you honey. Or sugarplum. Or pumpkin pie. Or-“

It was startling how fast Jaehyun pressed you up against the wall. In just a moment, he had put his hands on your waist, burying his face in your hair. You shivered when you felt his breath as he spoke against your neck.

“Yuta’s watching us”

All you could do was stay frozen in place, and listen with wide eyes.

“Huh?”

He chuckled at your response, but he replied patiently.

“Yuta? Your ex? He’s right over there. Figured we should give him a show”

And with that, he kissed you. Everything was happening so fast, that you could barely comprehend that Jaehyun, that was a stranger in the past weekend, was now making out with you at the hall, for everyone to see.

And that included Yuta.

You opened your eyes in the kiss and searched for him, spotting him with his frat buddies. His eyes were piercing through the two of you, and you saw Mark holding him back by the shoulder. The look on his face was priceless.

Jaehyun pulled back and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you”, you whispered, “but I need one more favor”

“Anything baby”

“Slap my ass as we walk away”

Sure enough, Jaehyun took your hand and you continue your walk, momentarily stopping to make eye contact with Yuta and give you a little spank. It was something your ex loved doing on the rare occasion you two met up outside of your dorms, no matter how public the setting. You heard Mark yelling something at his ‘Yuta hyung’ and that’s when you thought, your plan just might work.

———————————————————

You didn’t see Jaehyun until your birthday. It was just a small get together, but your place was starting to get a bit crowded as time went by. Johnny had been suffocating you with hugs ever since he got there, reminiscing the time you met as teenagers and calling you an old lady. Jungwoo on the other hand couldn’t stop asking about Jaehyun. You kept making excuses about how he didn’t feel so good today and might not make it. You didn’t expect him to come, of course. Just because you had agreed on fake dating, it didn’t mean that he had any obligation to be present in all your social events. The loving message he left on your Facebook wall was enough to fulfill the purpose of your current relationship.

That is why, when you heard a knock on your door, the last thing you thought you’d see was Jaehyun holding a dozen of red roses.

“Happy birthday baby!”, he exclaimed and gave you a kiss on your cheek,

“I asked Johnny about your favorite flowers, hope we got it right”

Feeling speechless, you took the roses from his hands and inhaled their sweet scent. You were dumbfounded that he actually came, and even brought you a present. You thanked him for coming, and he repeated the same thing he said back at your place, “how could your boyfriend miss your birthday?”

And even you were fooled, momentarily, when he held you by the waist later that night and sang you happy birthday. You blew your candles and all you could wish for was a love like the one Jaehyun was faking for you. He helped you clean up, and was more than willing to socialize with all of your friends. You admired how well he fitted in your social circle, already friends with Johnny and Jungwoo, yet so nice that even people he met for the first time came to love him.

You were sitting on one of your dining chairs, your two best friends already passed out on your couch. They had brought two bottles of vodka and your favorite tequila, but you weren’t in the mood to drink. You couldn’t help but remember the time when you practically begged Yuta to be there on your special day and he still missed it. You were scared that if you got a little drunk you would text him, or worse, call him, his sweet talk bringing you back to him all over again.

The only sounds resonating through your apartment were Jungwoo’s light snoring and a chill Spotify playlist playing from your laptop. A familiar tune came on, and you recognized it being ‘Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby’ by Cigarettes After Sex. You immediately looked at Jaehyun, the only conscious person still at the party other than you. He threw his head back and sighed contently at the sound of his favorite song. You saw him get up and walk over to you, reaching his hand out.

“Will the birthday girl spare me a dance?”

You slow danced in the middle of your living room, ending the night in the sweetest note. Jaehyun always felt so stable, so safe. You wondered how he got himself tangled up in that mess of a relationship with Naeun. Maybe it was the way he treated people with such kindness, void of any prejudice. Maybe he was a little bit like you, and didn’t think he deserved much.

“She’s crazy” you mumble against his chest, his confused hum making you feel the vibration on your face.

“Naeun. She’s crazy for ever cheating on someone like you. You’re perfect”

“I have my flaws”

You thought about how competitive he got when you played beer pong earlier, how his ears get red when he gets embarrassed, how he shows his dimpled smile in apology when he’s late. His love for drinking and how it makes him more honest, his trust in people that must have gotten him hurt many, many times. You liked them all, you loved them all.

“It’s just so hard for someone not to fall in love with you”

———————————————————

And that’s how the days went by with Jaehyun. You met up almost every day, in restaurants for a nice dinner, or hanging out in each other’s dorm. It was so much fun getting to spend time with him, that you sometimes forgot to make your meetup public on social media. You helped him with his math homework, and he helped you dye your hair. You even went to his basketball game, and he dedicated one of his goals to you, following every teen movie cliche.

You felt a little sad how it was all falling to an end. The plan was successful, for the most part. Naeun had asked Jaehyun to meet up later tonight, talk things through. You wished he wouldn’t go back to her, but you knew you had no real say in his love life. Yuta saw that he didn’t own you, that there were people like Jaehyun that were willing to give you what your ex had promised you, but wasn’t able to give. Well, not really, you reminded yourself. Jaehyun was faking it. You shouldn’t let yourself get lost in the fairytale, even if the past two weeks were some of the best of your life. He had proposed that you claim that the reason for your upcoming ‘breakup’ was differences in character, but you decided to stay friends. You were happy that at least, in the midst of all this mess, you met someone like him.

It was Saturday, a day before the frat party. You had invited him over, celebrate the end of your relationship with some pizza and a movie.

The movie was boring, but Jaehyun made you laugh. It reminded you of the first time the two of you met up alone. You had gotten comfy on your couch, sharing popcorn when you noticed. A huge bruise was peeking out from Jaehyun’s tank top, the dark color contrasting against his porcelain skin.

“What the hell?!” you exclaimed and scooted closer to him. You rushed your hands on his chest, your fingers pushing the fabric aside to examine the bruise. You found even more bruises scattered around it, accompanied with scratches that stretched longer than his top could.

“It was from the game the other day”, he tried to excuse, but you weren’t buying it.

“Jae, I was there. You played basketball, not WWE. Now who did this to you?”

He sighed and fidgeted with a loose string on his jeans, clearly uncomfortable.

“When I caught Naeun with my roommate, and broke up with her, she didn’t take it very well”

You kept staring at him, urging him to continue.

“She started calling me names, saying that she’s the best I’ll ever have. That I’m worthless without her, just a social climber trying to mooch off of her popularity”

He motioned on his torso, “When I kicked her out of my place, this happened”

“Is that the first time she acted violent?”

He shook his head. “Pretty much every time she didn’t get her way”

“Jae”, you started, placing your hands on top of his “this is abuse. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“It’s- it’s nothing. It’s embarrassing”

“No it’s not! Abuse is not exclusive to any gender! Guys get affected by it too!”

“It’s embarrassing because I know I can physically stop her but I don’t”

His eyes were starting to water, the sight was heartbreaking. “I sit there frozen and just take it”

“Why?”

“Because part of me believes her. That I’m hopeless without someone like her, dictating what I can and cannot do. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that it’s sick. I have these bruises to remind me”

You were starting to get angry. Angry at that bitch for hurting him, angry at Jaehyun who puts up with it, angry at you, for not seeing past the obvious like everyone else.

“I’m not letting you go see her tonight”

He laughs at you, putting up an invisible barrier between you.

“Not letting me? Wake up y/n! We’re not a real couple, remember? We’re just faking it to satisfy our selfish needs. This whole thing is pointless”

He stormed to the door and you tried to stop him, but he was too riled up for that.

“You’re going to forget about me as soon as this whole circus is over, just like everyone else”

“How can you accuse me like that when you haven’t even let me be a part of your life for real?”

“Because now you’ve met me. Me. With all my ugly, all my fucking bruises. Is it still so hard not to fall in love with me?”

With that, he closed your door with a bang, not even letting you answer that yes, it was impossible not to fall in love with Jung Jaehyun.

———————————————————

History seemed to repeat itself, as you got a text from him the next morning, that you didn’t expect.

jaehyunnie: let’s meet outside of the frat at 10:30, i’ll bring the booze.

And that’s what you did, showing up with your shortest skirt, spotting Jaehyun sitting a few meters from the frat’s entrance. He was laying against the wall, his eyes red, and he gave you the same smile he always did when he saw you, as if your fight yesterday never happened.

“Hey baby” he said and pulled you in for a hug. You couldn’t resist the invitation, and felt yourself melting in his embrace. He smelled like weed and shower gel.

It was nice, how he proclaimed your truce, but you still had to get something off your chest.

“Listen, Jae, about last night, you were right. This whole thing is pointless. We can go home, if you want”

“No baby”, he started and pulled away just enough to look at you. His eyes were droopy but glancing back at you with such care as he moved a strand of hair out of your face, “we’re here to have fun”

You wondered why he was still willing to come to the party with you as your boyfriend. Maybe he wanted to do you one last favor with Yuta, or maybe he wasn’t done indulging in Naeun’s petty games. You looked at his forearms, noticing a few scratches that weren’t there yesterday.

“I’m guessing you and Naeun didn’t make up last night”

He shook his head, and rubbed his hands on your back, keeping your temper down.

“Did you get in a fight?”

“Something like that”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was anger and protectiveness, possessiveness even. You laced your fingers in his locks, letting his head rest against the wall. If Naeun wanted you to speak in her language, then so be it.

You started kissing his neck, on that part on the side that is tender and sensitive. You heard passerbys whistling at the two of you, seemingly getting it on in public. Your licks and sucks weren’t meant for pleasure though, you had a goal and that was to leave a bruise. A statement for Naeun.

You walked in the building hand in hand and followed Jae to the kitchen, where he poured you a drink out of the bottle he brought along. Looking around, you sensed a couple familiar faces staring back at you from the crowd. Taeyong from class, Mark and Ten, and last but not least, Naeun. You downed the drink in one shot and lead Jaehyun to the dance floor.

He put his hands on your hips, and swayed you at the sound of some club song you weren’t familiar with. You ground your ass against him and he hissed, keeping you close against him. A little voice in your head was screaming how this isn’t real, to him this is all pretend, but you ignored it. You wanted her to think that he was yours, that she couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Why are you doing this to me y/n? Yuta’s not even around”

Jae turned you around, and you put your hands on his shoulders. He looked absolutely breathtaking tonight. You searched his face for a flaw, yet couldn’t find any. You wouldn’t change a single thing on him.

“She’s here” you said venomously.

He buried his face in your neck, inhaling the smell of your hair and trying to ground himself from his high. “I don’t give a fuck about Naeun”

He kissed your ear and your mind fogged up even more.

“She didn’t ask me to meet up yesterday, I did. I wanted to tell her that she and I were done, for good. I thought she wouldn’t be here tonight, but I guess she changed her mind”

What?

“Then why are you here? And why did you let me give you that big ass hickey?”

He stopped nibbling on your ear, and whispered to it instead.

“I’d never miss up on a chance to feel yours”

The bodies dancing next to you, the liquer you had downed a few minutes ago and Jaehyun’s words were getting too much to handle. You felt suffocated, unable to distinguish where reality ended and pretending began with you two.

“Jae, I need a moment, excuse me”

Releasing yourself from his grasp, you made your way to the kitchen. There wasn’t any fresh air, but there was plenty of booze. You poured yourself a shot and as you downed it, you felt another liquid trickling down your top.

You looked up to find out who managed to make this night even worse for you, only to come across the last person you needed to see tonight. Yuta.

“Shit I’m sorry”, he muttered and you avoided eye contact, thinking you’d manage to get away without him realizing it was you. Luck wasn’t on your side tonight.

“Well well well. Long time no see.”

Confidence was dripping from his smile, to his stance, to the way he looked at you. He had dyed his hair your favorite color, his white locks begging to be tugged and played with. To top it all off, he smelled good, so, so good. He smelled dangerous. Comfortable.

You immediately realized that you didn’t have the self control needed to resist him. Turning on your heel, you started to get the hell out of there when he held your wrist, keeping you in place.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you can’t stay like this, you’ll catch a cold”

“Since when are you worried about me?”

“C’mon y/n, please. Come upstairs, I’ll give you a clean shirt. No funny business, I promise”

You hated yourself for this, but you followed him upstairs to his room, like a pray falling right into the hunter’s trap. He closed the door behind him, muting the loud music and you sat on his bed that you were so familiar with. Looking through his closet, he passed you one of his t-shirts, and turned around to let you change with some privacy. It was comical how chivalrous he was acting, considering the unspeakable things you’ve done in here.

“Not like you’ll see something you haven’t seen already”, you murmured and he chuckled, raising his hands.

“Hey, I’m a gentleman. It’s my fault, after all. I have a habit of getting you wet.”

Blushing at his comment, you quickly changed into the clean shirt and felt the bed dip next to you. You thanked him under your breath and started getting up, when you felt him hold you back once again.

“Stay, just a moment. I’ve missed you”

“What do you want?”

“You, baby”

Yuta was the one who said it, but you swore you felt Jaehyun’s voice reverberating through the nickname. Suddenly, it felt like there was no air for you to breathe.

“That’s not happening, Yuta. I’m with Jaehyun now”

He scoffed, “Jaehyun? Naeun’s puppy? Come on now, we both know you can do better than that”

“Don’t talk about him like that”, you bite back, but he doesn’t budge.

“What kind of boyfriend leaves his girl alone in a party like this?” He grips your chin, making you stare at him face to face, impossibly close. “Look at you. Every single guy in this party wants to fuck you. You expect me to be ok with this?”

Yuta lets his other hand glide on your knee, moving up to your thigh slowly. He smiled at how easy it was to focus on him.

“Do you remember how I made you feel? How I reminded you that you’re mine? You were moaning so loud, Mark thought you’d pass out. You loved it.”

You wanted to scream, tell him that this was the past you, that you couldn’t take going back to him once again and get your heart broken one more time, but you felt helpless around him. The warm feeling was only temporary, it would soon evaporate when you face the fact that to him, you are nothing but a play toy, a possession.

And that’s when Jaehyun barged in through the door. His eyes moved frantically from Yuta’s hands on your thighs, to his band tee you wore, to your discarded top on the floor. He quickly turned red, the color spreading from his neck to his face, then landing on his ears.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?”

You instantly got up, following his thought sequence.

“It’s not what it looks like! He spilled his drink on me and gave me a clean shirt and..and..”

“And you decided to sit on his lap to thank him?”, he mocked you and Yuta laughed.

“Calm down, dude. I didn’t make her do anything. Besides, it’s not the first time y/n found her way over here after some disappointing dick”

Jaehyun grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up from the bed, forcing him to stand and face him. You moved between the two, trying to stop the catastrophe that was about to happen. Jae might have more muscle power than Yuta, but if the whole frat ganged up on him he would have to leave this place in a stretcher.

“Jaehyun please, let’s just go. Baby, please”

The nickname was the only thing that brought him out of his rage and made him listen to you. He let go of Yuta and took your hand, dragging you out of the room.

You were two hallways down when you pulled away, forcing him to stop.

“Why did you have to get so mad?”

“Why the fuck did you go back to him?”

“I didn’t! It was just.. so hard for me to tell him no”

You felt your eyes water with how pathetic you sounded. Jaehyun rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration.

“Don’t you understand how much it fucking hurts? To see you with that guy that treats you like shit when I’m right here, willing to give you everything? When I’m in love with you?”

You couldn’t process what he said because in a moment, his mouth was on yours. The kiss was so different than the one you shared at the hallway of your campus. It was passionate, it was rough, and this time, he monopolized your attention. His lips were determined to bruise into yours, leaving you breathless and causing your back to fall against a wall. It was crowded around you, eyes prying into your intimate moment but to you, the only person around was Jaehyun.

“You smell like him”, he growled, sucking on the tender spot under your ear, “makes me wanna fuck his scent off of you”

That was all you needed to hear. You led him to the frat’s guest room, knowing that Taeil always kept a spare key in the lamp next to the door. Unlocking the door seemed like a tour de force with Jaehyun leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, but you finally managed to stumble inside. You locked the door behind you, continuing your heated kiss, hands roaming around each other’s body.

He was taller than you, so when you felt him grab your ass with such eagerness, you almost lifted off the ground. You palmed him through his jeans, the roughness of his hard on making your panties stick from wetness just a bit more.

“I want to taste you” you managed through kisses, but he just unzipped your skirt as a response, pulling it to the floor in one hasty move. Petting your clit through your underwear, a shiver ran down your spine, spreading goosebumps all over your arms and legs.

“I don’t think I have the patience for that”

He walked you backwards towards the guest bed, taking his pants and shirt off along the way. You sat on the edge of it and admired his godly proportions, when you took notice of the bruises and scratches that led to your fight on Saturday. Suddenly feeling the need to slow down, you started leaving kisses over each and every one of them. You wanted him to trust you, give in to you completely. He had his flaws just like he said, but you wanted all of him. And you wanted him now.

“I need you, now”, you voiced your thoughts and helped him take off his boxers, revealing his hard cock. He was thick and decently long, making your mouth water and your pussy clench.

Towering on top of you, he removed your panties that were embarrassingly damp at this point, and by his smirk, you knew he noticed.

Jaehyun bent your legs next to your torso, making you expose all of you. He licked his lips as he dove into your lower ones, muttering praises about your “pretty pussy”, turning you impossibly wet.

Jung Jaehyun never disappoints, you thought, because the moment you felt the first lap over your sensitive bud, you got a taste of heaven. He alternated between licking and sucking over the spot that turned you into putty against him. You were already unbearably turned on at this point, and the changing pace of his tongue made you lose your mind.

Your pants and moans only seemed to urge him on, and after a few minutes of his careful treatment you felt yourself getting close. He must have sensed it, because when you grabbed the bedpost in an effort to stop shaking, he stood on his knees, and reached for a condom in his wallet.

You didn’t have time to complain about the denial of your orgasm, and started taking Yuta’s shirt off, when he grabbed your hands and placed them back on their previous position on the headboard.

“Don’t”, he said sternly as he lined himself up your entrance, “I want to fuck you in his shirt”

There was no time to think about whether his request was healthy or not, because when you felt him stretch you out, the only thing on your mind was him and his dick.

You let out a deep moan and he took it as a sign to screw himself deeper inside you. Your pussy gushed uncontrollably, filling the room with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. You unlaced your fingers and ran them down his back, ghosting them over the dimples that had affected you so much.

Jaehyun lowered himself, letting his chest touch yours, and you could feel his abs contracting over the fabric of Yuta’s shirt.

“I bet he’s never eaten you out like that, yeah?”

“N-no, never, ahh”

He sat up again, putting your legs over his shoulders and lifted your butt off the mattress, gripping your hips to steady himself before continuing his incredible pace.

“You’re mine, aren’t you baby? Mine to give you everything.”

The position felt divine. He was hitting it incredibly deep, reaching the spot that had you moaning so loud you were thankful for the unbearably loud music of the party. You were sure his fingers would leave a mark over your hipbones but you didn’t care, the pain only accentuating the warm feeling in your belly.

“J-Jae don’t stop - fuck don’t stop I’m gonna cum”

He leaned over, grabbing your face that was contorting in pleasure.

“Look at me when you cum for me”, he demanded, and when you rolled your eyes behind your head, letting go, he let out his first moan for the night.

He kissed your lips sweetly, helping you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful, my baby. So, so beautiful”, he praised and you submitted fully to him. He turned your body around, positioning you in all fours, and you wondered where the gentle boy you met at Johnny’s house went. His dick buried in you once again, spreading your juices around and the sensitivity of your previous orgasm made you aware of every single inch.

“So fucking tight”

Jaehyun didn’t go easy on you. He saw how much you liked it, how you were pushing your ass against his cock. He pounded in and out of you with the intention of fucking your thoughts out, and that’s just what he did. When the feeling got too much, and making any sort of noise seemed like a feat, you felt him push your hair back, and start biting on your neck, most definitely leaving a mark.

“I’m gonna cum. Fuck, I’m gonna cum”, he muttered, his voice wavering and you felt him release in the condom inside you.

It took a while for the both of you to regain your breaths. Jaehyun’s chest was heaving up and down as you rest your head on top of it, not brave enough to break the silence.

“I’m sorry”, he finally said and started petting your hair lovingly.

“About what?”

The bed was foreign and small but you both stayed still, wanting to bask a little more in the peacefulness of the moment.

“About getting so possessive, and saying all these things out of jealousy. I acted just like him..”

You kissed his left peck, listening to his heart that was starting to beat in a faster pace.

“Jaehyun, you’re nothing like Yuta. I get how you felt, I feel the same way when I think about you with Naeun”

He took your hand that was resting on his abs and planted a kiss on your palm. Your heart did a flip and you were pressed so close together, he sure must have felt it.

“I should have told you about her sooner. About the fights and how I let her go because of you. I was in denial about my feelings for you because-“

He stopped mid sentence, wary of the way his words would come off to you. Jaehyun was a proud man, but he opened up his heart tonight, admitting he was in love with you. He had already exposed so much of himself that you gave him the time he needed to organize his thoughts.

“Because I was insecure. That you would never like someone like me. That Naeun was right. That you were only interested in playing pretend with me and didn’t mean any of the things you said, and I let myself get carried away in a lie”

You and Jaehyun were two lost souls, trying to break free from the constraints your insecurities built up for you. You didn’t have to succumb to your masochistic tendencies anymore, wasting your time in heartless lovers because now you found him and he found you. Both unable to see any value in themselves, but more that willing to treasure the other. And that was enough for you.

“I’d be honored to be loved by someone like you. Baby.”

[chihomichannel]

the different flavors of lollipops

| pairing: choso x gender neutral! reader | genre: fluff | warnings: slight manga spoilers  (ㅅ´ ˘ `) | word count: 2676 words

| a/n: hi! this is clem! this is my first jjk fic that i posted. this is  a 3 part series and i hope you guys like it!  (๑•ᴗ•๑)

| next ►

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The first time you met Choso, you had been trying to kill each other. With the other siding with opposing sides, the two of you started off in the wrong foot. You saw him as a cursed spirit raving havoc with his little group of misfits, and he saw you as the friend of the people who killed his brothers. What started as an equal fight of power ended up with you writhing out in pain as the poison of his blood manipulation coursed through your veins. He left you to die as you bled out on the underground station of Shibuya.

The next time you met him, he was no longer an enemy but rather an ally. But of course, you didn’t trust him. He did side with those who killed your friends and even if he was “manipulated” and turned out to be Itadori’s brother, you still did not find the nerve to trust him. He hasn’t earned it yet and he did try to kill you once. To say that you held a grudge against the guy was an understandment.

When he saw you alive, he was surprised to see you survived. He did poison you after all. Every now and then, his eyes would fall upon the gash on the left side of your face just beside your ear. He would be reminded that it was his fault it was there. It is a scar you earned from fighting him. And he would feel bad whenever his eyes landed on it.

You found yourself spending more time with him than you wanted. Being a level 1 sorcerer, you were assigned to keep an eye on him. Whenever you explain something to him and be met with his impassive face, you would feel your blood boil. You didn’t trust the man and being a sorcerer yourself, it took every nerve in your body not to exorcise him. You have been exorcising cursed spirits your entire life and having to suddenly baby sit one was appalling.

He was nice though, you thought. And you did admire his love and devotion to his brothers. In times when he would talk about them, you would find yourself thinking about your family. It had been years since you last saw them. They were a sacrifice you were willing to take in order to separate them from your life where death followed you everywhere. You wondered if he would turn against all of you if Itadori ended up not being his brother after all. But he was so sure you almost believed it too.

One time, it was night and everyone was fast asleep and you found yourself outside of the hideout. It was only you, Choso, Itadori, Yuta and Megumi left and Yuki and Maki left to go to Tokyo Jujutsu High. They were coming back in the morning and everyone found themselves some place for the night. Unable to sleep, you climbed on a tree and sat in peace with the moon your only source of light. You sighed, staring at the forest that laid in front of you. Soft breeze hit your bare skin, making you shiver. You fished out a lollipop from your pocket and propped it in your mouth. Savoring the fresh air, your peace was soon interrupted when you felt a presence behind your back.

“Choso?!” You shrieked at the man who stared at you with his ever deadpan face. His overall dark demeanor made him look more creepy. “You ought to stop sneaking up on people like that!” He moved to sit beside you, his eyes still on you “Sorry, I thought it was suspicious of you to go out on the middle of the night when everyone’s asleep”

“You’re the suspicious one here, dude” You scoffed at him and propped the lollipop back in your lips. His gaze felt heavy and you looked back at him, uncomfortable “Why are you still staring at me?”

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing at your lollipop. Letting out a “hmm”, you took one last lick of your orange flavored lollipop and replied “A lollipop, it’s a sweet. Want one?” You offered, reaching for your pockets and pulling one out “Try it” You handed him a lemon lime flavored one and he stared at it confusedly before putting it in his mouth.

“No! You need to take off the wrapper first, Choso” You chuckled, pulling his hand down to remove the lollipop from his mouth. He stared at you confusedly “Here, do what I do, okay?” You unwrapped one more lollipop and watched as he tried to do the same. You laughed at his attempts and Choso blushed lightly but not enough for you to see. He put the lollipop in his mouth as he pouted. This caused you to laugh harder. At times like these, the walls you’ve built between you and him began to crumble down. But you never noticed as you felt yourself unconsciously begin to trust the cursed spirit. You learned he could be soft the longer you were with him.

“I’m sorry” Choso began “Huh?” You looked at him perplexedly. Choso nibbled on his lollipop as he kept his eyes straight to the forest “Your scar-” Your hand traced the scar on your left cheek “-I’m sorry for giving you that scar”

“Oh…” was all you could say. You didn’t expect him to be conscious about it. A few seconds of silence passed by as you racked your brain of what to say. You glanced at him in the corner of your eye and nibbled on your orange lollipop “Heh, it’s fine. It was a different situation back then”

You pursed your lips when Choso didn’t say anything after that. It was quiet, only the faint chirps of the crickets echoed through the night. Having had enough of the cold, you stood up and told Choso you’d be going back and sleep when he slipped a hand on your arm, stopping you in your tracks “Do you still have some lollipop?” You handed him a cherry flavored one.

You watched as he discarded the stick of his former lollipop and propped the cherry one to his mouth. His shoulders slumped and Choso let out a sigh. His gaze turned to you and he smiled softly, his cheeks flushed pink “It’s sweet” That was the first time you saw him in a different light.

After that night, Choso took a liking to lollipops often asking you for more. This lead you to buying a whole packet when you found yourself near a convenience store. His obsession on the sweet deeply amused you. You had never once thought a cursed spirit could taste food until Choso came into your life. This made you wonder if they also needed to eat to survive. When you saw the way his eyes lit up at the sight of the packet of lollipops, you couldn’t help but smile. The longer you spent time with him, the more you found yourself warming up to him.

You built a camaraderie with the man, learning to trust and coordinate with him when you found yourselves fighting for your life. The two of you found common ground on protecting Itadori. Once, you were so beaten up after an attack that you would’ve been in much worse condition if Choso hadn’t come in time to swoop you away from the scene. It frustrated you to no end how weak you’ve become. Or maybe you have always been weak, just a tad bit better than your peers. Choso would notice when these kinds of thoughts cloud your mind and would pull out a lollipop from his pockets and give it to you.

You stared at him, he reminded you of a parent handing his upset child a candy to lighten their mood. You almost felt offended but he looked so genuinely concerned it warmed your heart instead. You muttered a low “Thanks” and put the sweet into your mouth. He watched you as you did so, scanning your demeanor and feeling relieved to see your mood lightened. He patted your head causing you to stiffen. You ogled at him as he continued to caress your hair “You did great” He said and you felt your heart lighten from your worries.

Cranberry, it was the taste of the lollipop Choso handed you. Cranberries symbolize abundance and gratitude and gratitude is what Choso felt for you. Choso found himself protective of you as he is of his brothers. But not quite in the same way, he just couldn’t put his finger around it. On the other hand, you found yourself hot and bothered with Choso’s new attitude around you. You found yourself flustered whenever he’s around and it bothered you to no end. You often reprimand yourself for being flustered in the first place ‘He’s a cursed spirit!’ You remind yourself ‘A cursed spirit!’

But Choso made it much harder for you. At times when you thought your passing feelings for the man had subsided, Choso would make it his goal to remind you of those feelings. Not like he’s aware he does so. Choso did not understand the concept of attraction. Being locked away for more than a century, the only love he knew is the one he held for his brothers. And so when he found himself feeling a certain way for you, Choso mistook it as the same he felt for his brothers. Care, that was what he felt for you.

But when he saw you chatting animatedly with Megumi, he hated how you laughed and how close you sat next to the boy. Choso’s eyes shot daggers at the poor boy who remained unaware of the looming darkness behind him. But Choso remained in his seat, and looked begrudgingly at you and Megumi. That was the first time Choso felt jealousy, not that he knew what that feeling was exactly. He realized, ever since he met you, he’s had a whirlwind of emotions he never knew existed. And it irked Choso just how much power you held over him.

The next time you were alone with him, he sat opposite from you, maintaining a distance as he gazed suspiciously at you. You noticed his behaviour and gave him a questioning look but was only met with a huff for a response. You frowned, confused. Tapping your foot on the ground, you met Choso’s gaze and held it like you two have a staring contest. The other wouldn’t budge and it bugged you that Choso wouldn’t speak. Just as you were about to give up, Choso stood up and dashed to your side.

You bounced on the impact of him plopping down next to you. Facing you, Choso’s eyebrows scrunched together as he stared at you intensely “Is this like your technique or something?” He asked, confusing you even more “Huh?”

“This!” He motioned between you two “-you hate me don’t you? This is why you’re doing your cursed technique and making me feel this way”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-t” You did not understand a word he said ‘What the hell is he talking about?!’ You thought ‘Technique? Hate him?!’

“Why would you think I hate you?” You asked, your voice cracking slightly by the end. It’s true you didn’t trust him in the beginning and sure, you did hate him before he became an ally. But now that you know him, you couldn’t comprehend as to why he would think like that. Had you been mean to him? Had you been unconsciously mean to him?! You panicked at the thought. You consider him a friend at this point, you thought he felt the same way. Or at least knew you were fine with him. Like, geez, he had been making you blush. What is up with him?

“You make me feel weird” Now he lost you “Huh?”

“You make me feel nervous! I don’t get nervous easily! At least not when I’m in a fight” “Okay-” “And you also make me happy! Just being around you makes me happy” “Wait, what-” “And earlier! I had this nasty feeling. Like something is gnawing at my stomach, my ears, my heart, my entire being!”

“HUH?” You held your cheeks with your hands, face now flushed red “I really hated it when you sat so close to that black haired kid and I wish it was me you were laughing with-” You collapsed at this point “-In short, you make me feel really weird!”

Your eyes refused to look at him, trying to hide your reddened face away from him “Hey, say something” Choso cooed, planting his hand on your wrist making you jerk “Umh-Ah-a-H-Ch-A” You stammered, unable to make out words. You had never felt so flustered in your entire life. Concern replaced Choso’s fury and he held your shoulders, calling out your name.

“Huh, am I interrupting something?” You and Choso turned your head towards the sound and found Itadori standing by the doorway “ITADORI!” You cried out “What’s wrong with her?” Choso asked at the same time. Maki appeared behind Itadori and the two looked at each other knowingly before giving you guys an amused look “Get your hands off her or she’ll probably die” Maki said making Choso let go of you instantly “Why?!”

Maki laughed as she went to the both of you and grabbed a hold of your body to take you away. Itadori could only chuckle “Choso, you’re impossible”

That night, Choso sneaked out of Itadori’s watchful eyes to pay you a visit. He had confided in Itadori about his concerns but was left frustrated when Yuuji only laughed at his face saying that Choso is “in love” with you. But “in love” like how? 

“As in ‘in love’ romantically” Itadori explained  “But what the hell do you mean by romantically?” Choso walked out when Itadori howled in laughter, no longer saying anything comprehensible.

Knocking, Choso gained your attention. You had been laying on the couch thinking back to Choso’s words to you. When you calmed down, the absurdity of the situation dawned on you. You realized that Choso didn’t understand his feelings and having him feel that way towards you made your heart flutter. It made you feel special that someone like him, who did not even understand what it’s like to be in love with someone, somehow fell for you. And seeing him now looking at you worriedly made you come to terms that you needed to talk to him.

“Hey” You called him softly. You sat up and patted the space next to you, and Choso made himself comfortable beside you. Silence engulfed the both of you and you felt yourself flush under the heavy atmosphere. You racked your brain for words to say but your thoughts were interrupted when Choso began “I can’t really say that I’m sure about what I feel and from what I have gathered, I think understand what it is now” Your blush deepened, your eyes unmoving from his figure “-all my life, this is the only time I have ever truly lived. And even now, I’m still in hiding. I don’t know much about life and I don’t really know anything other than Jujutsu but-” he turned to look at you

“-being by your side these past few months, I have learned a lot of things” Choso put a hand on his head, scratching his hair. He glanced at you, a faint smile on his lips “-and I want to keep on living the rest of my life with you by my side”

You almost choked but managed to compose yourself. Your face hurt from the amount of heat his words made you feel. Unable to say anything else, you shoved a lollipop on his hand. The butterflies in your stomach burst into flames when you felt his hand enveloped yours “Okay” You squeaked out, the warmth of his hand still present in yours even when he pulled away.  He smiled, the taste of bubblegum melting in his mouth “Okay”

[taetaespeaches]

“I never would’ve thought Agust D would be so soft after sex.”

yoongi x reader (or oc) genre: smut; fluff word count: 3.1K

a/n: ok, so, Kid is ready to give Yoon that good good just after hearing like half the mixtape, our girl hasn’t even seen the damn mv yet guys, like, she’s ready to pounce after just seven songs from her man. And honestly, mood. I hope you lovelies enjoy this, I hope it lives up to your expectations lmao, and thank you for reading :))

YOU paced back and forth from one end of your kitchen to the other as you waited for Yoongi to answer his damn phone. I mean, seriously, how long does it take to pick up the-

“Hello?” Yoongi’s low voice interrupted your thoughts through the phone’s speaker.

Gasping, you eagerly asked, “Can I start listening?” omitting a proper greeting.

“Oh hey, I’m fine, how are you?” He teased.

You rolled your eyes, fully aware he couldn’t see you. “You’re expecting a lot of self-control from me right now, Min,” you complained.

Yoongi allowed himself to chuckle before responding with a humored, “if you want, you can listen, Kid.”

You squealed in excitement, bouncing around in front of the oven. “You’re sure? I don’t have to wait for you or anything?”

“Nah, I’m almost there anyway,” he told you, and you could tell by the tone of his voice he was grinning. “Just no music video yet,” he said in a whiny tone which you knew must be accompanied with a pout. He enjoyed watching your reaction to his music videos.

“No music video, I promise,” you smiled, absolutely fond of the man. “Oh my god, I’m not ready for this am I?” You yelled out, Yoongi scoffing in response.

“Jesus, you’re ridiculous,” he groaned.

“Shush, I’m hanging up, I have a long-awaited mixtape to listen to, thank you very much.”

“Ok fine, fine,” he laughed, but before you could hang up, Yoongi added, “Hey, Kid?” You hummed in response. “Love you.”

You’ve heard the words a million times, but it never failed to make your heart pound. However, that didn’t stop you from teasing him a bit. “Yeah, yeah, love you, I gotta go, priorities, baby. I don’t know if you’ve heard but the Agust D just made a comeback.”

He chuckled into the phone once more before giving you a, “See you in a bit,” and then hung up.

Immediately, you were pressing play on the mixtape on Spotify, already having had it pulled up for five minutes.

The first song, ‘Moonlight’, started off soft before scratching records came in, and then your boyfriend’s voice. When he gave his iconic laugh with an “August D” you smiled in pride. That’s my honey boy.

You turned your attention to the meal you were preparing for you and Yoongi, one of his favorites, stirring the contents in a big pot on the stovetop. Bopping along to the music, you listened to the lyrics that talked about his story, starting in Daegu to flying high with his group, how he goes through feelings of confidence in his work to feeling untalented, the struggles of writing this exact mixtape due to the pressure from a larger audience, expectations, and self-doubt. You knew those struggles all too well. You were with him throughout it all.

You’d been given glimpses of the songs throughout the writing process, some tracks in full while others you only saw lyric scribblings on those yellow notepads he leaves around his studio and that littered your apartment. You first saw the chorus to ‘Moonlight’ written on one of those notepads that sat on your bedside table.

“I like this,” you told your boyfriend, holding the notepad in one hand as the other found its way in his dampened hair, his face resting against your bare chest.

“Huh?” He looked up at you, his hand gripping your waist as his eyelids fluttered. The sheets were in disarray around your still nude forms. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, is it for D-2?”

“Maybe,” he told you with a yawn. “Not sure.”

“I think you should use it,” you told him, your finger outlining the shell of his ear as his lips curved into a lazy smile. “It’s beautiful.”

“You really think so?” He asked, uncertain and a bit more awake.

“Yeah, definitely.”

He kissed the center of your chest before nuzzling his face further against your breasts. “You always know best, Kid.”

You felt your eyes prick with tears as you listened to the song, feeling immensely proud of your boyfriend. Of how hard he worked, of overcoming the doubt and fear, and just simply for the talent, passion, and artistry he shared with so many people.

As the mixtape played, you went through phases of dancing around, squealing in excitement, gasping at lyrics and phrasing, and more bouncing and dancing. You tried your best to focus on the lyrics, though you knew it would take a few listens to catch them all as you were too excited to comprehend everything just then.

Completely invested in the music, you didn’t hear your front door open, unaware of your boyfriend’s presence until he appeared in your peripheral, catching you doing a little strut that resembled Yoongi’s swagger walk he did on stage. Your head snapping to him, you were met with his gummy grin, his shoulders shaking in laughter as ‘Burn It’ continued to play throughout the kitchen.

“Are you leaving me for Agust D yet?” He teased, walking toward you.

“Do you realize how sexy you are? Like do you have any idea?” You asked accusatorily. “Like what the fuck, dude?”

“Jesus,” he huffed, a smile still plastered on his face. “You’re actually ridiculous.”

“Yeah, and you’re ridiculously talented, Min. You’re not told that enough,” you told him seriously. Reaching you, he placed his hands on your hips as you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, stepping further into his arms.

“I’m told that plenty,” he dismissed with a bashful grin.

“No, you’re not,” you told him as ‘Burn It’ continued to play. Instead of responding to you, he kissed you which you immediately deepened, Yoongi stepping back a bit by the unexpected force behind your actions, though his arms wrapped tighter around your waist so your body was flush with his.

Pulling away, he chased your lips, making you smile. “I don’t even have the words right now to tell you how proud I am of you,” you told him seriously, tears forming in your eyes. You watched as Yoongi took a deep breath, keeping his own emotions under control at your sincere confession. “Just know I’m really proud,” you said as tears threatened to fall.

He quickly nodded just before bringing a hand to your jaw as he caught your lips again, giving you several quick pecks as he composed himself.

Letting out a breath that sounded to be one of relief, Yoongi peered around your frame, inspecting the food cooking on the stove, as well as the food that had spilled outside of the pot, with a grin. “That looks good.”

“Hopefully,” you said with a smile as Yoongi nuzzled his face against your neck, refusing to let you go. With the overwhelming pride and love you felt, mixed with the fact that the man on the mixtape was all yours, and he was standing in your kitchen, in your arms, pressing sweet kisses to your neck, you had a sudden desire for him.

As ‘People’ started playing, you were instantly struck with the memory of coming to his studio as he was working on that very track. It was just the instrumental then, but it was interesting and different from the other stuff he had been working on. Yoongi must have been thinking upon the same memory as he lifted his head, a gummy grin directed to you as his eyes found yours.

“I remember the night you wrote this,” you smiled, biting your lower lip. That night, you had spent about an hour of it sitting on his desk as Yoongi sat in his chair in front of you, his chin resting on your knees as you both discussed your ideas of life, and people, and changes, and what it all meant, if it even meant anything.  

You had already been dating for well over a year, but it was a moment where you and Yoongi felt a closeness between you both that hadn’t really been there before, becoming more mentally and emotionally attune with each other.

The conversation eventually faded out, the intense feeling of understanding between you both leading to you having sex on his studio couch.

“Trust me, I remember it very well,” he chuckled, his mind running through every moment of that night, from the feeling of closeness, to the warmth of your body underneath his as he pressed you against the couch cushions, the way you moaned his name and whispered ‘I love you’s’.

As the chorus of ‘People’ sounded from your laptop, your eyes widened at the sultry soothe of your boyfriend’s vocals.

“Since when do you sing like that, Min?” You teased with a smile, your eyes bouncing around his soft features. As he let out a breathy chuckle, you slid your your hands down his neck to rest overtop his collarbones as you leaned toward him and kissed him deeply.

The action took him by surprise though he easily found his rhythm, his hands slipping underneath your shirt, feeling at the bare skin of your waist.

As you began backing up, he quickly felt around to shut the stove off before following you toward the bedroom, never breaking the kiss. Your hands found his waist as his moved to your face, taking control. You began lifting his shirt up, you both separating just long enough for you to pull it over his head and discard it somewhere in the hallway outside your room.

Eagerly, you unbuttoned his jeans, Yoongi helping you get the clothing off him as he released his hold on you to step out of them. Backing up, your legs hit the edge of the bed and you locked your eyes with your boyfriend’s. Smirking at him, you pulled your own shirt off before unhooking your bra and letting it fall to the floor at your feet.

Yoongi bit his lip, his eyes settling on your chest before slowly dragging them back up to meet your darkened gaze. Tilting his head at you, you quipped, “What are you waiting for?” Yoongi scoffed before approaching you and pushing your body so you fell against the mattress. He reached for the waist of your jeans, taking no time in unzipping them and tugging them down your legs, you lifting your hips to help him. Your panties were removed next, Yoongi dropping them to floor as he allowed his eyes to rake over your body, taking in every inch of you.

You sat up on your elbows, watching the man as he looked over your nude form. “For a man who brags an awful lot about being a king and a boss, you seem a bit timid, baby,” you teased in a sultry tone.

Your boyfriend scoffed again, a smirk forming on his lips. “Be patient,” he scolded, though he stepped toward you, nudging your inner knee with his leg, making you widen the gap between your thighs as he stared down at your center.

“My patience disappeared the moment I clicked play on that mixtape,” you smiled. “I want you.” With that, you sat up, your hands slipping underneath the waistband of his underwear, lowering them until they easily slid down his legs, pooling at his feet. You kept eye contact with him as you left a sweet kiss to his lower abdomen, just above his pelvic area.

He let out a quick breath as he smiled, lowering his body on top of yours, your back meeting the mattress. “If I had known Agust D would get you this worked up I would have released a mixtape two years ago,” he joked, your hands grabbing onto his sides as his lips found yours, kissing you passionately.

One of his arms was being used to prop himself up overtop you as his opposite hand slid down to your core, his fingers feeling between your legs. He groaned into your mouth at feeling how wet you’d become, and you smiled against his lips.

Not wanting to wait any longer, you used your strength to push against his body, rolling him over and straddling his hips. Yoongi’s breath was heavy and shallow as he anticipated being inside you, his large hands gripping your hips, his eyes eagerly taking in the sight of your form on top of him. He always did love you on top.

Placing one of your hands to his chest, your other found his hardened length. You stroked him a few times, Yoongi letting out a soft moan at the feeling, his hand sliding up your abdomen to your breast as he squeezed the supple flesh in his palm. At his touch, you guided him to your entrance, sharply intaking breath at the feeling of him slipping inside, letting the air out in a throaty moan.

“Fuck, Kid,” Yoongi breathed out, pinching your nipple between his fingers as you moved your hand from his dick to his chest, bracing yourself against him as you began slowly grinding atop him. Yoongi’s hand left your breast to your thigh, clutching the muscle as he bit his lip, watching your body move. “You’re so fucking hot.”

You held back a moan as you increased your pace, looking up to the ceiling before squeezing your eyes shut as he hit particularly deep. “Fuck,” you breathed out, lowering your gaze to Yoongi’s face, meeting his hooded eyes as he looked up at you in bliss.

His chest was like velvet underneath your hands and you wanted to feel more of his skin on yours. As if reading your mind, Yoongi moved his hands to your lower back, pulling you toward him so your chest was flush with his. He kissed you messily as he lifted his hips off the bed to move in and out of you as he held you to his body.

“I love you so much,” he confessed shakily against your lips, his breathing erratic due to the pleasure you were giving him.

“Oh my god, Yoongi, I love you,” you moaned, moving your face to his neck where you kissed and nibbled his skin lightly.

Wanting to treat him, you reluctantly pulled yourself away from him, sitting back up as you rocked back and forth on him, arching your back and placing a hand to his thigh to support yourself. Yoongi’s hands grabbed onto the sides of your legs as he watched you, looking more and more fucked out the longer you rode him.

Eyeing his thin but toned body, his smooth skin, and the flex of his abdomen as he took sharp breaths, you groaned. “You look so good,” you told him, admiring the man beneath you. Your man. All yours. “Feel so good,” you moaned.

One of Yoongi’s hands left your leg to find your hand that was pressed against his lower abdomen. He took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours before bringing it to his lips and kissing your knuckles softly as he locked his gaze on yours.

The intimate action had your lower abdomen tightening. Sitting up straight, you brought your hand toward him which he grabbed with his other hand, helping you to support yourself as your motions atop him became hastier, approaching your high.

“Yoon, I’m gonna-”

“I know, baby,” he nodded, squeezing your hands as you neared your climax. “Me too.”

You let out a whimper, lowering your body to Yoongi’s again, your dewy chest meeting his, Yoongi wrapping his arms around your lower back as you both worked each other into your finishes. Yoongi buried his face in your neck as he let out small muffled grunts, you breathing out a moan in his ear. As he came, he hugged your body to his tightly, letting go inside you. The feeling of him releasing had you crashing into your own high, biting your lip as you moaned breathily, Yoongi kissing your neck sweetly as you came down.

You relaxed atop Yoongi, breathing heavy as his fingers toyed with the small of your back, soothing back and forth along the curve of your ass. You had a hand on his neck, slipping your fingers into his damp strands, your other hand on his chest, dragging your fingers along his pectoral.

“The mixtape is really good,” you assured him in a whisper, kissing his jaw. “Well, what I’ve heard so far.”

Yoongi let out a breathy chuckle, flattening a palm on your lower back. “Thank you, Kid.”

“No need to thank me, I’m just being honest.”

“No, thank you for always supporting me. In everything,” he clarified, emotion thick in his voice.

You lifted your head to peer at his face, catching the glassy shine in his eyes. “Always,” you assured him.

He nodded, looking at you with a soft smile. “I know,” he whispered, barely audible, giving away that he didn’t trust his voice, knowing it would break if he spoke louder. “It means- you mean the world.”

You lowered your lips to his face, giving his plush cheek a small kiss. “I never would’ve thought Agust D would be so soft after sex,” you teased with a big smile, Yoongi scoffing, though he couldn’t hold back his gummy grin.

He groaned loudly, stretching his arms over his head. “I’m starving,” he changed the topic, making you giggle.

“Well, lucky for you, your girlfriend made you a delicious nearly cooked meal that is probably very cold at this point,” you smirked.  

“Oh, lucky for me?” He questioned with a small smile.

“Mhmm,” you confirmed with a small chuckle.

Yoongi sucked air between his teeth, ticking his head to the side. “Remind me to wife you up later.”

You scoffed playfully, rolling off his body as you prepared to stand up and find some clothes. “In your dreams, Min.”

Scooping your t-shirt off the floor, you slipped it over your head before grabbing a pair of panties from your dresser drawer, all while Yoongi’s eyes followed your every move. Sending your boyfriend an air kiss from where he sat at the edge of the bed watching you, you walked toward the bedroom door. “Hurry up and get dressed, Gramps, I need your album commentary.”

You exited the room, turning toward the bathroom to clean yourself up. Yoongi shook his head with a chuckle. “Yeah, in my dreams,” he mumbled as he stood up to get dressed. Taking his sweet ass time, you walked back past the bedroom toward the kitchen, noticing him still stumbling around for a shirt.

“Hey, hustle, Min! I still have a music video to watch, my dude!” You called out to him as he looked to you with widened eyes. “Your shirt is out here, by the way.”

“Ah, what did I tell you about patience,” he whined out, a pout on his lips as he walked through the hallway, grabbing his shirt on his way, feeling full of appreciation and adoration for you.  

[paradox-liveheadcanons]

Allen Sugasano Relationship Headcanons

Confession -

He’s always very passionate about producing music, so he doesn’t really give much thought about romance.

He’s that one person who doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but oh the irony. When he falls for someone, he falls hard at first sight.

Sometimes his feelings even obstruct his work. He’ll be producing a song and suddenly stop all of a sudden. Anne calls this: Allen.exe has stopped working. Hajun just sighs as he hits Allen to make him continue making their songs.

Even with Hajun’s frequent slaps, Allen still stops working from time to time . He’s never felt so strongly about someone and he couldn’t help but think about the person he likes.

It came to a point where his feelings were so obvious that many people at school knows about it. He acts much more fidgety and awkward compared to usual and daydreams more often. Even Saimon notices during classes and pulls Anne aside to ask them if Allen was alright.

Although embarrassed, he asks Hajun and Anne for advice. He started wearing cologne because Anne recommended it and started dressing a bit nicer after Hajun pointed out his sometimes questionable… fashion taste. (Allen Stans pls don’t hit me I hc this dude to have questionable fashion tastes bc girl he isn’t going on Vogue any time soon.)

He confesses and asks you out after Anne and Hajun pushed him about it. It kind of went like this;

Anne: You should confess!

Allen: What?! Are you crazy-

Hajun: Everyone at uni knows about your little crush. Might as well.

Allen: Ack- is it that obvious…

Imagine his speechless joy when you say yes~

Beginning -

His whole life is dedicated to music, and suddenly you’ve appeared.

At first, it was difficult. He doesn’t know how to manage his time with you as well as dedicating it to music. 

It’s especially hard for him as he’s a naturally air-headed person, not being able to remember anniversary dates and such… which can lead to some arguments.

But after watching him perform at the Paradox Live, seeing his passion for his craft, there is a sense of understanding that falls upon the both of you. For this relationship to work, you both have to come to an equal consensus with one another.

He’s not much of a romantic and his awkward nature intensifies when he’s around you, but he genuinely tries.

He gets you gifts that Anne tells him to give you. But the most valuable gift of all was a song he dedicated to you.

It still doesn’t really change the fact you’re the one who invites him out to dates because he is completely lost in this genre.

Getting to Know More About One Another -

Everything is smooth sailing after the initial rough beginning. Allen becomes more used to being in a relationship and he gradually becomes more romantic.

Allen’s a very supportive boyfriend. He’s an amazing listener and offers impeccable advice.

He’s also very honest and would tell you about his past and his determination to win Paradox Live.

Much like his members, he remembers his past as a step towards his goals in the future.

He doesn’t really like to dwell on his past and looks forward to a bright future with you.

Saying “I Love You” -

I like to think he’s the most emotional and honest person in Paradox Live. He doesn’t see any point in hiding/stepping around things.

When he says ‘I love you’, it’s when he’s really caught up in the moment.

His gaze is trained steadily on yours, holding your hands. You can practically hear his frantically beating heart as he whispers those three words to you. An intimate moment shared between two people.

The intensity of the moment mimics his feelings for you.

Allen doesn’t need much to tell you that he loves you, his actions and gaze has always told you that you are the one he loves most.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLEN~~~

I actually wrote headcanons to post for today but! ITS BOYS BIRTHDAY SO OF COURSE I'M DEDICATING SOMETHING TO BOY!!!

Funnily enough, my fav in ParaLive is Hokusai but my irl type is actually Allen. Ah yes his iconic rooster hair makes me think wow boyfriend material.

I hope you all say Happy Birthday to this sweet boy~ <3 - 🐝

[ratingtheframe]

10 Films to watch this Valentine’s Day if you’re single as hell.

If anyone or anything is making you feel worthless on the Capitalist Holiday that is Valentine’s Day because you’re single AF, then don’t fret because it means one of two things;

You’re happy enough with yourself to not need anyone else.

You’re allergic to people.

Though mine is both the former and the latter, I can still get down to a good romance movie now and again. Now I’m not talking about those horrendous rom coms that Netflix seems to be churning out every damn minute, but those emotionally invested, earthy and well written dramas that has you ugly crying into your bathrobe for 17 minutes straight (me at the end of Her.). Here is a compiled list of some of the best romance films I’ve seen over the years and how each one doesn’t showcase an abundance of clichés and brands them as “acts of love”.

A Star is Born (2018 or 1953, take your pick)

I’ve found that both the 1953 version of A Star is Born with Judy Garland and the 2018 newer version to be a perfect and well rounded love story. What makes this love story so fierce is the vulnerabilities and downfall of its characters, which even though there are many sad moments, it perpetuates and strengthens the acts of love shown in the film. Both versions are similar in that they follow a woman who’s rise to fame as a performer becomes overshadowed by her jealous partner, who is also a notable celebrity. In the 2018 version starring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, Gaga’s character Ally is helped by a country singer, Jackson Maine to become a successful singer and icon amongst the music industry. As she rises, Jackson falls and the character dynamics and intensity between them is a fitting love story. I was thoroughly bawling at the end and I guarantee you will too as Lady Gaga’s rendition of Love Again was the true scene stealer of the film. 

Call me by your name (2017)

I have an incredible bias towards this film and it has nothing to do with the film’s context or characters or even Timothée Chalamet The reason why I feel so connected to this film and proclaim it as my favourite film of all time is because of when I watched the film. It’s almost like seeing a film about a political event right after it's happened; you have this rush and connection towards something that’s actually affected you in the real world. I had the same feeling with Call me by your name after going through a rough and confusing patch whilst trying to get over someone I thought I truly loved. Turns out I didn’t (thank god) and yet Call me your name was almost like a shoulder to cry on. It’s a film that’s taught me to love and love hard but most importantly, not beat yourself up or try to distinguish the pain felt by true love. If you haven’t been fortunate to catch this beauty of a film, it follows two men, Elio (Timothée Chalamet) and Oliver (Armie Hammer) and their brief relationship in the summer of 1983 in Northern Italy. 17 year old Elio lives with his parents and his father (Michael Stuhlbarg) is a scholar who invites students from outside the country for the summer in hope of passing on his wisdom to them. This is when Oliver arrives, a handsome twenty something American who becomes the infatuation of Elio. 

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the monologue that Elio’s father gave his son at the end, explaining to Elio why he shouldn’t feel embarrassed by the pain he felt after loving Oliver:

“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste”

That, ladies and gentlemen and all in between, is what love is.

Her. (2013)

Once again, another film about love that had a profound effect on me because of when I watched it. Her. follows the story of Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) and his search for a story using an A.I to help him write. However, after getting to know this A.I named Samantha (Scarlett Johansson) and hearing the way she adapts and shows emotions, he soon falls in love with it. Some may deem this as rather sad (which it is) but I think it speaks to bigger constructs like internet dating and letting go of people you loved thus diminishing the fantasy and world you created for the two of you. This part of the film got to me a stark way as I felt the pain of letting go of not only a person, but a fantasy, just like Theodore had to do in letting his past partners go. Her. is truly beautiful, with some great production design, cinematography and acting.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)

The absolute queen of love stories would be Céline Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, a film about the romance between two women in the late 18th Century. Definitely not a narrative you see every day or one that’s been painted in such a way (pun intended). Marianne (Noémie Merlant) is commissioned to paint the beautiful and stubborn Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) and the portrait is to be gifted to a suitor of Héloïse’s from Milan. But instead of getting the painting done and sending it off, Marianne and Héloïse unexpectedly fall for one another at a subtle and well timed pace that had me gawping at the screen the entire way through. Slow, sensual and moving is Portrait of a Lady on Fire and I would definitely say is one of the best LGBTQ plus films ever made to date.

Broke Back Mountain (2005)

Ang Lee scooped up a BAFTA, Golden Globe and Oscar for his direction on his adapted screenplay of Brokeback Mountain. Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) form a romantic bond after shepherding alone together on the side of a mountain. Once their time herding sheep comes to a close and they return back to their respective lives, it's clear that their bond is stronger than they had anticipated. They live in constant fear of their relationship becoming apparent to those around them, which leaves one of them taking matters into their own hands. A controversial yet extremely successful film of its time, Brokeback Mountain does a fabulous job of showcasing the consequences and despair of love using two of Hollywood’s finest actors.

Carol (2013)

It’s difficult to fully appreciate LGBTQ plus films set in the past as they mostly focus on the persecution of homosexuals as opposed to the love they wish to express. However, this was pretty accurate of the time and it's only very recently that we have begun to accept one another’s sexualities and genders fully so much that we play these stories out on screen without the persecution part. Carol is a film directed by Todd Haynes and stars Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett. I found them to be an extremely intense pairing whilst they unravelled as their characters on screen. Therese (Rooney Mara) works in the toy department of a department store when one day she lays eyes upon Carol Aird, a beautiful and elegant married woman who becomes the infatuation of Therese. Therese throws all caution to the wind in order to be closer to Carol and because of this and the 1950s society they live in, their relationship is doomed from the beginning. I was in complete awe of the way Carol had been shot and created into this sensual and rich drama set in the 1950s. From the costumes, to the lighting to the acting, everything about Carol held weight to it showcasing the devotion of a truly talented director.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind (2004)

Usually I’d pass on a Charlie Kaufman film, seeing as they make no sense, however I felt that it was time I delved into this cult classic starring Kate Winslet, Jim Carrey, Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo and Elijah Wood. It’s a really well made film with a clear and distinct message to it that’s represented in some phenomenal filmmaking techniques. The plot line of this film follows a man trying to erase a past lover and his memories of her get wiped away physically before your eyes on screen. It made me wish that I could do the same with people I’ve liked in the past, but the contradictory of this would be the trauma of eventually ending up with someone you had already met in another life. I haven’t experienced a break up nor felt the pain of one, though I could judge that this film tells that experience really well.

Moonlight (2016)

Moonlight is one of few films that I would genuinely worship if it were a religion. It's also one of the films that I outwardly shame people for not having seen, as it is truly a masterpiece and film lover’s film. Deep, emotionally connected, colourful, harsh, moving and eye opening, this film takes you on an emotional rollercoaster through the eyes of Chiron and the three stages of his life that have carved out his essence as a human being. Not only that, but he falls in love with another boy at his school, and when he does, he’s hurt rather badly. Literally. Moonlight is the definition of profundity and was awarded the top prize of Best Picture at the 2017 Academy Awards. 

Loving (2016)

When I think of a truthful and honest testament of love, the film Loving comes to mind which is a fitting title for such a delicate yet strong story. The film is based on a true story of an interracial couple, Richard and Mildred (Joel Edgerton and Ruth Negga) being banned from Virginia in the 1950s for choosing to be together. If that ain’t a true sacrifice of love, then I don’t know what is. Choosing someone you love over your own home is an unfathomable thing and certainly shows the strength that this couple had in facing the judgements of others whilst remaining emotionally truthful to themselves. 

The Shape of Water (2017)

The Shape of Water is a strange yet enlightening love story between Eliza, a deaf woman (Sally Hawkins) and a creature being tested on in a laboratory. Awards season went mental for this back in 2018, winning four of the THIRTEEN Oscars it was nominated for. I would categorize it as quite the niche film and wouldn’t usually think that such a film could be garnered with Oscar success. However everyone who worked on this film really pulled out the stops in creating an entire new world and perspective that has many layers to it, as well as an abundance of conflict and dynamics for audiences to lull over. The relationship between Eliza and the feared swamp monster that’s being cruelly tested in the laboratories where she works, is heartfelt and honest, which is strange seeing as Eliza’s virtually in love with a monster. The casting in this was outlandish yet it really worked as all actors in this melded well into the story as their prospective characters. It also has one of the most touching endings to a film I’ve ever seen.

And there you have it, ten Romance films for you to enjoy this Valentine’s Day. Watch them all at once, or maybe just watch one. Whether you watch it alone or with someone, it doesn’t really matter!

Lots of love

Ang x

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Can I just say Bones does not get nearly enough credit for how well he reads people?? Like, we all forget that he is not only a doctor, he's a psychiatrist as well. And not only is he insanely good at reading Jim, we also see him read and understand Spock (who is his opposite and with whom he frequently disagrees) and push him when it's necessary. It's Bones' words that make some of the most powerful exchanges out of all the 79 original episodes. Here is proof (and there's a lot of it):

Balance of Terror

Jim's doubting himself and is dealing with a lot of stress because of all his responsibilities and the burden of making decisions, and asks Bones, "What if I'm wrong?" This is an incredibly vulnerable moment for Jim, who always has to be strong, and when Bones starts to answer, Jim gets up and says "I wasn't really expecting an answer."

Bones immediately puts his hand on his shoulder, stops him, and says, "Well, I've got one." Completely unexpected by Jim. Bones starts off by saying "This isn't something I'd usually tell a customer," then gives the speech we all probably know, about how there are millions of possible earth-like planets, "but in all of that, and possibly more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."

Let's break down why this is so good. First, Bones lets Jim know that he sees how vulnerable Jim is being and that he's talking to Jim as a friend. He recognizes that Jim's identity is fundamentally tied to his role as a captain, and also acknowledges how deep Jim's doubts are going, and at the same time reminds Jim that he is the one in control of himself (something very grounding for Jim) and he is not alone (because Bones is supporting him). Most of all, he doesn't dwell on the vulnerability Jim's expressing, but encourages him to take action, which is Jim's natural bent. He perfectly adapts to how Jim functions and knows what to say to get him back into a place where he can do what he does best: lead.

The Ultimate Computer

Jim has been been feeling insecure and threatened this entire episode, because a computer may take away his role as captain. Twice he seeks out Bones for comfort. First, he tells him that he has concerns about the computer, but worries about his motives. "You have my psychological profiles; am I afraid? Of losing my job? ...Daystrom's right, I could do a lot of other things. Am I afraid of losing the power, the prestige? Am I that petty?"

Bones replies, "Jim, if you're self-aware enough to ask that question, you don't need me to answer it for you. Why don't you ask James T. Kirk? He's a pretty honest guy."

Breakdown: Bones responds beautifully by once again reminding Jim that he knows himself and is in control. That sense of confidence is all Jim is after. He also establishes earlier in the conversation that what Jim is feeling is not unusual and can be understood. Brilliant.

The second time Jim reaches out to Bones (this episode is my favorite for a reason), he's doubting his role even more intensely, having just been blatantly insulted and called useless (affirming his insecurities). He left the bridge, silently, by himself, and even Spock didn't follow him out. Bones knew he needed help and went to him, with some drinks (Jim initially responds that he's not interested in eating--coping by losing interest in food) and a joke and light-hearted attitude, so that Jim can feel comfortable expressing himself. Jim puts on an air of not caring (shutting himself off from his emotions) and says he's never felt so useless, and makes a cynical joke as a toast, "To Captain Dunsel" (the insult from earlier, meaning "unnecessary").

Bones stops him, looks him in the eye, and says "To James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise." Jim says softly, "Thank you, Doctor," and when he downs his glass, Bones follows suit.

There's just so much good about this. Bones seeks him out even when he was trying to isolate himself because he knew Jim tends to distract himself and unhealthily repress things. And he doesn't let Jim get away with being blasé about how he's been hurt, but he doesn't force him to be honest either; instead, he lets Jim know he sees how he's feeling and how deeply he's hurt, and also reaffirms that Bones still cares about, respects, and most of all, believes in him. When Jim starts talking after the drink, Bones just listens and lets him talk, and when Jim responds to the call to the bridge, he follows him out. Back in action, and another job well done.

The Trouble With Tribbles

Just a brief point with this: Spock is just being silent here, which is typical for him. But Bones asks him "What's the matter, Spock?" seemingly out of the blue. Spock responds with, "There's something disquieting about these creatures," which means that he was feeling off, and Bones picked up on it. Bones then makes a joke ("Don't tell me you've got a feeling!") which lets Spock know that Bones sees what he's saying but isn't treating it as unusual (since the joking between them is their normal behavior). And when Spock continues talking, he hears him out (although it eventually degenerates into their typical spat).

All Our Yesterdays

Spock has begun degenerating into a pre-reformed-Vulcan version of himself. He gives up on trying to get back to their proper time and becomes irritable. Bones notices that something's wrong almost immediately.

He starts by asking about Jim (because he knows how deeply Spock cares for him), and Spock responds apathetically. This clearly shocks Bones, who then says "I don't believe it, Spock. It's just not like you to give up trying." When Spock doesn't acknowledge something's off, Bones presses him: "I understand. I never thought I'd see it, but I understand. You want to stay here. In fact, you're highly motivated to stay in this forsaken waste!" Spock deflects again, and Bones keeps pressing, which leads to Spock grabbing him by the neck and saying angrily, "I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure." Bones simply looks him in the eye and asks calmly, "What's happening to you, Spock?"

Instead of hassling Spock about why he isn't doing more, he focuses on what's wrong with Spock himself, and he clearly has a deep understanding of who Spock really is. He starts by trying to get a feel for Spock's emotional state by going to ground 0: Jim. And he doesn't back down when Spock tries to blow him off.

Seeing that he's getting nowhere, Bones bides his time, and then starts something with Zarabeth, knowing Spock will jump to her defense.

When Spock pins him against the wall, Bones calmly says, "Are you trying to kill me, Spock? Is that what you really want? Think! What are you feeling? Rage, jealousy--have you ever had those feelings before?" Spock is clearly affected by this, and says it's impossible, since he's a Vulcan. Bones sees his opening, saying "The Vulcan you knew won't exist for another 5000 years! Think, man! What's happening on your planet right now, at this very moment?" Spock answers with the facts, and Bones tells him flat-out what's going on: he's reverting. Spock falls quiet, and says, "I've lost myself. I do not know who I am."

Bones is specifically structuring his responses (both here and earlier) to cause Spock to evaluate himself--to think, which has always has grounded Spock. Bones indirectly (so that Spock doesn't feel as threatened by the accusation) indicates that Spock's being too emotional. He wants Spock to see for himself that something's wrong, so Bones asks questions or makes open-ended statements so that Spock will have to respond. He also provides enough evidence (pointing out the emotions Spock is feeling) to prove he has a point and guide Spock towards a conclusion. He's talking Spock through it, using reason and logic, which Spock has always responded to. Bones' questions are also phrased so that the answers are objective facts--he's bringing Spock back to the verifiable, Spock's comfort zone. Finally, he does the analysis for Spock, telling him what's undeniably happening, but leaves the course of action open to Spock, so that he can regain control of himself by deciding how to proceed. Bones smoothly and logically guided Spock to the delicate realization he needed to have.

Of Bread and Circuses

Then of course we have this iconic exchange. Jim's been separated from the both of them and they are all in danger. Spock is pulling at the bars although he knows it will be futile.

Bones calls him out on this, and then thanks him for saving his life. When Spock brushes him off and keeps his walls up, Bones says, "I know why you're not afraid to die, Spock. You're more afraid of living. Every day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip--and let your human half peek out." Spock is silent and looks away, and Bones continues, now smiling slightly: "That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling." His face makes it clear he's gently baiting Spock, who then looks back at Bones and says, "Really, Doctor?" Bones replies softly, "I know. I'm worried about Jim, too."

First thing: Spock's theme starts playing when Bones corners him. So we're supposed to get that Bones is really laying him bare. But starting from the beginning of the scene, Bones recognizes Spock's anxiety through his illogical behavior. He takes the time to thank Spock for saving his life, in an effort to remind Spock that he is competent and in control--basically, trying to calm Spock down and reassure him. When Spock refuses to deal with his emotions productively, Bones is having none of it, and shows Spock just how much he knows. He can tell Spock isn't worried for himself ("you're not afraid to die") but also is well aware of Spock's actual fears (which are coloring his current behavior towards Bones). Basically, Bones is saying, "this facade of yours can't keep me out. You're understood. You're not alone." Saying it in those terms, though, would just make Spock feel weak for unsuccessfully trying to mask his behavior, so Bones frames it as a gentle challenge. When Spock looks away, he can tell he's hit the nail on the head, and he smiles because he's getting through to him. His face as he says "you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling" telegraphs to the audience that he's not actually serious, but is looking for a response. And he gets it--Spock acknowledges, as Bones had intended, that he is currently dealing with emotions. And that's where Bones wanted to get him, because now that he's admitted it, he can move forward; but Bones doesn't want this admission to go unrewarded, and definitely doesn't want Spock to go on believing that Bones meant what he'd said about not knowing what to do with feelings, so he again tells Spock that he understands what's really going on, but without challenge this time. He just accepts it and reassures Spock that he's not alone: "I know. I'm worried about Jim too." They're in it together, and now that Spock is a little more vulnerable, he's able to see that Bones is right beside him.

So that was a lot, but there is definitely even more. Basically, give Bones the appreciation he deserves, because his emotional intuition is off the charts. (After all, as he is so fond of reminding us, he is a doctor!)

[qitwrites]

|| 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 

Midoriya is the one that begins the entire ‘nervous system compression’ ritual.

Back at the training camp, when he was banged and bruised and tattered to all hell, bumping into Shoji had been the best-case scenario. Being wrapped up in his many, many arms had cocooned Midoriya’s body from further damage, provided him with great mobility, and Shoji’s grounding personality had been a major reassurance during a frankly abysmal situation.

After they’d finally recovered Bakugou, and after that tragically big reveal of All Might’s biggest kept secret, something in Midoriya had broken.

He was still doing his best to train his quirk, he was still doing his best to exist and thrive alongside his classmates, to study and work hard and eat well and sleep on time. For the most part, he was himself, and he was doing ok.

But then there were the nightmares. Nightmares in which Bakugou misses Kirishima’s hand, or All Might dies at the hand of All for One, or Midoriya somehow fucks up and gives the League of Villains One for All. There’s visions of his friends laying dead at his feet, of the world burning to the ground, and the utter helplessness of letting his friends down, letting his teacher and his idol down, letting them burn.

Sometimes, the world exerts a pressure on Midoriya that would put Atlas to damn shame.

2 weeks after the Kamino incident, when Midoriya is sitting at his desk, his dumbbell moving up and down as he pores over his notes, a wave of anxiety, sudden and heavy, rolls over him and he can’t breathe. There’s not enough air in the room, in the entire world probably, and his vision tunnels, darkening around the edges. He drops the dumbbell and clutches his head, trying to get his breathing under control, but it isn’t working, and he can’t seem to hear or see or breathe.

Distantly, he remembers the training camp. His memories of that time are tainted by the agony he felt when Dabi had vanished with Bakugou in his grip. He doesn’t remember the more fun parts, the training and the cooking and the overall learning experience. He just remembers pain.

And then, a small part of him, so small he almost misses it, remembers warmth.

He remembers how warm Shoji was. He remembers feeling, amidst all the panic and chaos, a sense of safeness in Shoji’s arms. He remembers burrowing in that space against his back, and he knows, even though they failed, that he was only able to find a way to help Tokoyami because Shoji gave him his support, took care of him, supported his weight and his burden, if only for those few minutes.

He remembers how warm Shoji was. And he realizes, even as he’s choking for air, that he wants to feel it again.

The walk from his dorm to Shoji’s feels endless. He stumbles along and drags his feet, and he’s not really seeing at this point, moving mostly from muscle memory. He usually visits Todoroki and Uraraka in their rooms, but he’d memorized the entire layout within the first three days of moving in. Shoji lives two floors above him, right next to Kirishima.

When he finally gets there, he’s hollow and empty and there’s still not enough air. A flash of worry pierces through him because he doesn’t want to bother Shoji right now. He doesn’t even know if its ok, what he’s about to ask for. He doesn’t know if it’ll help, if it’s what he needs. He worries, the way he always does, and the air around him is disappearing faster, and he just wants to breathe.

Somehow, before he can talk himself out of it, he reaches up and knocks, pulling his hand away quickly.

10 seconds. He’ll give himself 10 seconds to wait and see if anyone answers, and then he’ll leave and never bother Shoji again.

Shoji comes to the door in 4.

He opens up, clad in pajama pants and nothing else, his iconic mask covering the lower half of his face even in his own room. He looks at Midoriya patiently.

‘I-‘ Midoriya chokes out, voice rough and scratchy. ‘I am having a panic attack.’

Shoji’s eyes widen marginally. ‘Whoa, ok. How can I help?’

If his vision hadn’t started to tunnel again as he hears Shoji say that Midoriya might’ve noted how easily Shoji had understood the situation, and how quickly he was asking Midoriya what he wanted, rather than doing whatever he thought was appropriate. He knew what he was doing. Clearly, he’d done this before.

Midoriya tries to breathe in, and it gets stuck somewhere in his chest and everything hurts but he starts to ramble, ‘I read in a scientific journal somewhere that our nervous system controls our emotions and that when we are anxious, there’s a dissonance in how we function and there’s a quick fix for it, well maybe not a fix, but more like a way to help, if only a little. It’s like a nervous system compression.’

Shoji listens to him with a furrowed brow before carefully asking, ‘Are you saying you want a hug? Will it help you if I hug you?’

To put it simply, yes. Midoriya wants a hug. Midoriya needs a hug. His body physically needs to be grounded because there’s not enough air and he’s going to pass out if his breath keeps getting stuck in his throat and his fingers are numb and the back of his neck is cold and it hurts.

Midoriya nods because the words are getting stuck in his throat.

Shoji opens his arms slowly, and Midoriya looks up. Shoji holds his gaze and carefully moves forward, keeping himself completely in Midoriya’s line of sight.

‘I’m going to hug you now,’ Shoji says, ‘and I’m going to hold you tight. If you want me to ease up, or get off, just tap me anywhere once. If you want me to tighten up, tap twice.’

Midoriya feels himself starting to hyperventilate and then -

Warm.

Shoji is so warm. He exudes heat, his skin soft and warm and alive. He wraps himself around Midoriya, and he blankets him from everything, driving away the light, the distant sounds of Ashido yelling at Kaminari, the cries of the cicadas, everything. He holds Midoriya against his chest, and he holds him tight. Shoji is strong, ridiculously so, and he knows Midoriya is strong too. He holds him with the kind of pressure that actually lets Midoriya breathe.

And so he does. His shoulders start to slump as he takes one deep inhale followed by another, measured and timed. He follows the rhythm of Shoji’s breathing, follows the rise and fall of his chest, and his fingers loosen up, warming slowly. Hesitantly, he brings his hands up and puts them around Shoji’s middle and receives an encouraging squeeze.

From there, the tension seeps out of him, slow and heavy, draining out of every jagged edge and every crack in his body. When he feels another wave of anxiousness, he taps Shoji’s back twice, and Shoji squeezes, hard enough that Midoriya’s breath stutters, but also hard enough that the anxiety slips away, almost tangible in its intensity. Belatedly he realizes that he’s been crying, but he can’t apologize when his face is smooshed against his friend’s chest.

After what seems like forever, Midoriya is breathing again. He feels somewhat normal. He feels as close to normal as possible, at least. He has feeling everywhere in his body. Nothing feels stuck in his throat, and his mouth isn’t dry. His tears have stopped, and his hands aren’t shaking. His heart is beating, fast and strong and slow. He takes in one more steadying breath before tapping Shoji’s spine once.

The arms around him loosen slowly, opening him back to the world. The overhead lights are bright, almost too much, but Midoriya looks straight ahead, right at Shoji’s chest as he pulls his arms off and steps back slowly. Shoji keeps his arms on Midoriya’s shoulders, and he waits. Patiently, he waits for Midoriya to speak, he waits for him to make the next move.

‘I’m ok,’ Midoriya says, rubbing at his eyes. He sees Shoji nod and pull away his arms, always in Midoriya’s line of sight.

‘That’s good. Can you see and hear properly?’ Midoriya nods. ‘Awesome! And your breathing is ok?’ Midoriya nods again.

‘That’s great Midoriya, well done.’

Midoriya barks out a watery chuckle, and then he remembers his tears.

‘Oh,’ he says, reaching into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief, ‘I haven’t used this yet. Please wipe off my tears and possible snot.’ He turns beet red with embarrassment.

Shoji doesn’t laugh though, or even look disturbed. He takes the offered cloth and wipes his chest gently.

‘No problem at all. I will give this back after washing it.’

Midoriya shakes his head, ‘It’s my snot, it’s fine! I can just…’

‘It’s ok, Midoriya. I’ve got it. Really not a problem.’

They stand by the door for a while longer, not speaking but not really needing to either. Shoji is just endlessly patient, and Midoriya is breathing again, and the world feels ok.

When he feels brave enough, Midoriya looks up and catches Shoji’s eyes.

‘Thank you.’ It’s quiet, but his voice doesn’t waver.

Shoji gives him a nod. His eyes are softer, just a little bit. ‘It was not a problem at all.’

Midoriya worries his bottom lip with his teeth before breathing out with a huff. ‘I, um, I was hoping I could, maybe, if this happened again, I could come back to you for a, you know, a nervous system compression? If you’re ok with it?’

Shoji’s eyes go softer still, and he holds Midoriya’s gaze the entire time as he says, ‘Absolutely. I’m here when you need me. Don’t forget that, ok?’

Midoriya gives him a smile, small and tentative but true, and Shoji squeezes his arm. They say their goodbyes in hushed tones and Midoriya walks back to his dorm slowly, feeling more aware of himself than he has in days.

That night, he doesn’t dream. It’s the best sleep he’s had since Kamino.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[bronan]

Iknow mothing of bf5 so gimme ur old url Kuzan 👁👁

well well well if it isn’t my ex husband

send me a character and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them - his post timeskip outfit. I'll say it. I don't think I truly started REALLY loving Kuzan and appreciating him properly until I saw him in those boots with those heels and those titties out. Then my entire perspective changed it was like a light clicked on in my head. yes it’s so sad I’m sorry. Oda went SO HARD on his outfit like Kuzan went from being a lazy marine to just oozing slut energy idk how else to say it - I promise I also love his personality not just his ice cold double d's and four inch heels. I like how he's full of compassion but you can tell he's just SO fed up and disenchanted with the state of the world, the case of a man who wants change and finally took matters into his own hand - god and I love his scars and his ice leg. KIIING girl help I'm going to fall back in love with kuzan one piece I don't know if I can handle that it was so intense last time

least favorite thing about them - I'm waiting to see what the hell Oda has planned for him but I have been waiting for ten years Oda can we get a fucking KUZAN UPDATE PLEASE

favorite line - I can't remember the line and translations will make it different anyway but when he walked up to doffy, who was sitting on a pulverized Smoker and was about to kill his ass, and was like "hey excuse me can you get off my friend" it was just. iconic. WHO else would casually stroll up and say that calmly while emanating 400000% malice doffy probably felt that all the way in his fucking hollow ass bird bones

brOTP - kuzan/camel brOTP for life and then the next life, that is his ride, his sidekick, his emotional support penguin. I’m so glad kuzan just fucked off to the ocean and adopted an enormous penguin to chill with so he’s not alone. He could cross the ocean on his own with his devil power but was too lazy so he rides a penguin around like what else is there to even say - kuzan garp brotherhood except I’m STILL mad at garp over marineford god DAMN IT but I know he and kuzan are toit so whatever kuzan be friends with whoever you want I guess - I’m still sad about Z, man

OTP - I think Kuzan and Smoker should bang. Smoker would keep his dumb ass in line. 

nOTP - Kuzan/Robin.....not for me

random headcanon - Kuzan wanted to dress like a slut all along the marines just wouldn’t let him. AS SOON as he left them he put on the high heels and the skinny jeans and the shirt with the deep V neck like. What else was he supposed to do. He’s 49 and killing it suck it sakazuki you deepfried asshole

unpopular opinion - I don’t know if I have one.. nobody really talks about kuzan much LMAO idk what the fandom even thinks of him really...

song i associate with them - Can't Stop by Red Hot Chili Peppers

favorite picture of them

do gifs count because when he did this I was like 👀