#(By the way if you know me irl or we have eachother on personal socials) hiiii.

[palaeolithicc]

personal post in tags

[v-anrouge]

exposing myself on the internet for a character assignment go brrrrr

also: *sweats in aroace*

Okay so I possess a distinct lack of hobbies because ✨ mental illness ✨ and also I am a total hikkineet. I do however, have less active hobbies like drawing, painting, reading/writing. I do enjoy rewatching Musicals from my childhood whenever I’m feeling down or generally empty. Some faves would be “The Sound Of Music”, “Mary Poppins” and “Anastasia”. Ya boi likes singing along with em even though I am terrible at it hehe ❤️

God okay. My personality. Uhh. I have a lot of feelings (and cry a lot) and I am extremely affection starved so show me positive attention and compliment me and I am fucking worshipping the ground you walk on so.. affectionate? I guess. Also Kind of quiet. I’m in my head a lot, and I have anxiety about voicing my opinion and thoughts to people. Especially irl. I’ll usually just remain silent or provide a few comments but otherwise mainly a listener. But if it’s a special interest and I can see that you are actively listening to me instead of waiting for me to stop talking I’ll turn into a walking Encyclopedia about Said thing. I do love physical affection but only when I am in the mood for it lol.

Giving love language is acts of service and gift giving (flashbacks to the time I offered to buy you something even though we barely knew each other). Receiving love language is words of affirmation probably idk i have 3 irl Friends outside of Family so my experience on the matter is limited.

Also people who are audibly/visibly angry will set off my fight/flight/freeze response and I will physically distance myself from them due to discomfort/fear. I’d also definitely go non-verbal as a result. This would be a time where touching me could result in a panic attack/me just crying lmao

Okay bare with me here because I have never actively considered my type so I’m only really thinking about it now

Type wise, perhaps someone kind but firm, I’d say? I lack a lot of motivation, self-discipline and self-respect, so a partner who is gentle, accomodating and understanding of my situation but isn’t afraid to call bullshit when they see it would definitely be preferable. Also direct communication because I CANNOT read between the lines. And.. someone who would go places with me. Not even for like the cute coupley things like Dates and Shopping or whatever (though that would be great too) but literally as a Support Person for stressful situations like dentists, doctors and other such appointments. Lord knows I need it because I stutter so badly when talking to strangers irl and stare straight at the ground and go silent when I inevitably become embarrassed at my lack of social skills💀 I don’t really have a strong preference for any hobbies a partner might have, but it would be cool to watch musicals together. And dress up and stuff. Maybe even cosplay. Idk just Indulging in each others hobbies would be fun. Also I struggle with like, mobile(?) communication and find it difficult to take the initiative to start text convos or call people, so they’d need to take the lead on that otherwise I may accidentally end up ghosting them. Not maliciously, but as I said, ya boy is stuck in his own little world a lot.

Also my favourite colour is green! HEX Code : #9AEEC8 (this probably wasn’t necessary but teehee)

And if a partner can’t handle spice I will constantly give them shit for it but in an affectionate way ❤️

(THIS WAS SO LONG IM SO SORRY IDK HOW TO SHUT UP WHEN PPL GIVE ME ATTENTION 😭)

THIS IS PERFECT ACTUALLY U GAVE A LOT OF DETAILS VERY IMPORTANT DETAILS AND THAT MAKES RHE JOB WAY EASIER!!

I match you with...

ROOK HUNT let me start this off by saying that this can be taken in both a platonic or romantic way and that in either way u and rook are like made for eachother im serious like u two are fucking inseparable, rook absolutely adores everything about you, you two have A LOT in common and he LIVES for it, rook and you can constantly be found almost sobbing over eachother and how much you mean to eachother, you two are so close people consider u both goals (couple or friendship it's up to u). rook is absolutely sure you two are soulmates he has never felt so connected to someone like he feels connected to you

rook loves spending time with you he adores talking to you even if to other ppl it might seem like he's being ignored rook knows he isn't he knows that you are listening intently to him and he loves it, most people hate it when he starts talking to them since he talks A LOT but you? you don't mind it! you stay there and listen to him ramble and sometimes even join him! rook always feel so warm when he manages to make you feel safe enough to ramble and infodump him and he'll be very happy if you allow him to do the same in exchange you two have a lot of interests in common and love talking about them to ppl that actually care so this normally ends w u both talking for hours non-stop and not even noticing as time goes by (not u two talking about vil for 5 hours straight)

rook absolutely adores your works, wether it's a drawing, a painting or a piece u wrote he'll love to see it, he could spend hours talking about your works seriously it became one of his special interests his ur number 1 fan now he'll always hype you up and even do some of them with you (like painting and reading together etc)

rook swears he can feel his heart exploding in his heart when u give him a gift this man won't stop smiling as he goes on and on about how much he absolutely adores you and how much he loves the gift and how he's so honored and happy to receive something like that and there's literal tears on his eyes as he does so, rook feels so happy when you offer to help him too, it means he gets more time to spend with you! and rook loves spending time with you<3

if you like words of affirmation than rook is the man for you, this man constantly writes poems about you and the special connection you two share and even though he has written multiple of them somehow they never ever look the same it's always so fresh as if it was his first time writing something like that, it also never fails to make you smile rook is very observant so he'll def know what makes you smile and he WILL be making a LOT of use of his privileged knowledge

rook knows how you get when someone is mad and being loud about it so whenever rook feels an situation escalating he'll immediately take you away from it and make sure you're okay, if rook ever happens to arrive to late he'll do his best to help you calm down, rook is super patient and even if you go non-verbal rook somehow still always know what to say and what to do, if you like company in times like these rook will not leave your side, he'll constantly be making sure you're feeling alright and comfortable and paying attention to your body language if you can't speak

rook will always encourage you to try new things at the same time he'll immediately take you out of any situations that make you extremely uncomfortable, for rook it isn't easy to trust people, however he trusts you, and he wants you to trust him back so he wants to be there for you, to show you he will always be by your side to support you and he wishes that you feel the same towards him

if you want to talk to someone or ask for anything but you're too nervous because they're a stranger rook will offer himself to do it for you, he has no problems doing that for you, rook would never shame anyone for not having good social skills because rook himself used to be very shy as a kid and he understands how hard it can be to talk to strangers

rook LOVES to watch and re-watch musicals with you! it's one of his favorite things to do, rook feels so happy when he's watching a musical you two like by your side he truly wishes that moments like these lasted forever, because there is no place rook would rather be than by your side

other possibilities: vil ( u two are like made for eachother seriously as i read ur info i was like omfg it makes sense why you love vil so much) lilia, cater & malleus

[bandofchimeras]

okay this is a long shot but wondering if anyone can help me, a brain dramaged autistic person, work backwards on how to change this dynamic (as in be willing to talk me thru this)

so posting ANYTHING on facebook fills me with horrific anxiety. i don't know where it comes from or who exactly i am afraid of. suspect its that there are too many different kinds of ppl from different parts of my life on there. i once tried sorting them out into audiences who would be comfy with specific topics and themes but its a messy system & didn't work for long. so there are people who i've had added for a long time, that i worry about how they'll interpret what i say (like because of autism, i make faux pas a lot and people get hostile and misinterpret) but i don't exactly want to un-add them, which signifies end of friendship. or like we don't get to see eachother's lives. I also have a few family members left on there which leads me to selfi -censor sexual posts which all the lefty shitposters share openly. i'm probably overthinking this but i get very little engagement on fb despite having a lot of friends on there and that makes posting feel even worse (like people are seeing it and not commenting/reacting) and i see plenty of other folks with large, robust, supportive followings of friends and family. so my brain goes into overdrive like how do they manage that. i guess they don't give a fuck? or what? i understand i can't control if people like me or engage with my content. and that i could just stop posting

but facebook historically has been where i post fundraisers and when i need help. i'm slowly building irl support system but i wonder if there's any way to salvage this. i don't like who i am on there it throws me into mega mega anxiety mode and i overexplain and feel bound to my past selves. but if i stop posting entirely when i do have something important to share the algorithm will kill it dead. like...maybe starting a page would help instead of having everything associated with my personal account? i still don't know what to do with my FB. it is a log of my entire life since i was 13. exes, pre transition pics, people leftover from toxic leftbook days. just everything is on there. i don't want to delete it. i don't want it accessible to everyone. i honestly wish i had stayed on livejournal or something. fb became where i performed myself. i don't talk with a lot of people via DM bc again, anxiety about approaching people. it feels like going up to a dude in the mall, who you have known for years bc he sits at the mall playing songs and yelling about his life. but if you go up to him will he even know who the fuck you are? I think some of the anxiety is related to being plural. some of it is parasocial relationships. idk. i just hate that it exists and i still feel bound to it. and want to talk to someone about it who has a similar relationship with social media...

[chronicles-of-cayden]

just putting this out there cause ive had some seriously fucked asks in my inbox, i am chronically ill, i have stage 2 bone cancer on my leg and i also suffer from an autoimmune disease as well as psychosis in bpd, ive had to plan my future not knowing if im going to make it to the end of the month, while people are putting rape threats and death tthreats in my ask box because im transgender, my gender identity shouldnt concern anyone unless i choose to tell you, i am openly transgender, irl and online its no secret, for all you know, your rape threats could cause a death i take stuff like this very seriously because my friend theo, was a gay cis 15 year old who died because of brain cancer on april 8th 2022 and my other best friend was called kai mcgovern who commited suicide last year at 16 he was almost 17, in april 2023 because he got assaulted several times for being transgender, sexually and verbally but nobody believed him, because he was trans. the social system is fucked, if people cant be themselves without being shamed and driven to suicide for it, i know many people who have been suicidal, most of them lgbtq+ but most of them were also bullied or peer ppressured into something and then couldnt get out of it so commited. if you think for a split second before you say something that could drive someone over the edge try and think if you were in their position, think "what if my parent/guardian found me dead, how would they feel" "how would i feel if i was in that position" and if the outcome is negative then dont fucking say it, its that simple. i am 15 years old and a biromantic, asexual, scottish transgender teenager, i get bullied every single day, i am constantly in and out of hospitals because of my illnesses, i am treated like a child because im autistic, i dont need babied, i need people to give me time and trust me with what im doing, because its probably something i am comfortable doing, i have attempted to commit suicide, but after i ws found in a field off an older teenage boy about 16 or 17, i was laying on the hospital bed, in tears because i realised id hurt myself and in turn hurt my best friend aka battery *thats his nickname* and battery said that if i died he would kill himself because he loves me in a platonic way, he supports me through all my operations and appointments, and i support him because we arent the most stable but we know how to help eachother, but my main point was, dont be a dick if you know it could have a negative effect on the person and if someone feels suicidal, try to help them out that mindset, try to show them they would be missed and people need them, show them that you care. i am making this post now because may is mental health awareness month so this wwould hopefully get the most attention now, and be shared

[quackisinnit]

Coffee Shop AU || irl!Quackity x Reader

Request: heard you were taking requests,,, coffee shop hc for quackity? Maybe reader just started working there and that’s the café he always goes to????

Notes: i love coffee shop au's sm. ALSO NOT PROOFREAD CAUSE I HATE DOING THAT!!🖕🖕

Genre: fluff, romantic, irl, gender neutral

Warnings: none

when he first saw you, he immeadiately knew you were new. he was a regular there

he also noticed how attractive you were

"y/n?" he read your nametag aloud, not noticing he did. "yes? oh and welcome to [cafe name]! what is your order for today?"

ok now he's fallen for you and he doesn't even know it!! yet

"oh uhm..."

this was the first time he was speechless. your voice was just so soothing that he couldn't say anything

"uhm? hello sir? are you alright?"

"oh uh yeah, i uh want uhm, you know what? give me a bit more time please, i'll be back when i'm ready."

you smiled and nodded, "alright then"

alex walks to a nearby table and sits down

you know he messaged karl

it went something along the lines of 'karl i just saw the prettiest person ever'

karl: 'is it me??'

he talks with karl for a bit before he realizes he's been sitting there for 10 minutes

'i mean, yeah but anyways, its a new cashier at a cafe i always go to'

after mustering up the courage, he finally stands up to order

fortunately, he wasn't stuttering as much and wasn't as nervous

once he was done, he walked as fast as he could back to his table

as you took orders, he saw how you interacted with the other workers there

alex saw how nice you were and how you made your coworkers laugh easily

soon, he starts going there more than usual

he also tries to strike up a conversation with you whenever he can

he asks you stuff like, "how are you?" "how's your day?"

but soon, alex starts to learn more about you

your hobbies, what you're favorite book is, and if you have any pets!

you start to learn more about him too. even the fact he streams

alex also helps in closing up if he can even if he doesnt work there lol

from time to time, he stays 'til the end of your shift just to walk/drive you home

your relationship is kinda,,, confusing?

you both know lots about eachother but you don't even have eachother's number/social media

so after many messages of karl convincing him to ask your number, alex finally did it

the only way you both talk to eachother is by him going to the cafe

its not that you both didnt want to know, it just never came up so you both never thought about it

it was,,,,,,, an experience

so here's the plan he made

step 1: go to the cafe with flowers and ask for your number

step 2: hope it goes alright cause this was his whole plan

he knew it wasnt the most thought out plan, but a plan is a plan

when he arrived at the flower shop, he got your favorite flower (if you have one)

unfortunately, he got into traffic on the way to the cafe

alex was trying to think of every kind of solution he could to get there as quick as possible since your shift was almost over

but he ended up just driving through it since nothing worked

as if things couldnt get any worse, it started to rain

he checked his backseat if he had an umbrella and he didnt

"as if my day couldnt get any worse" he mumbled to himself

after a bit, he finally arrived

alex was so nervous and his palms were sweaty

when he walked in, you werent there

he panicked cause where the hell are you?? did he come all this way for nothing???

but sir alex quackity never gives up!!

he asked your coworker where you were and they said you were on break

(and you decided to take your break in the park)

he thanks them and speed walks to his car

and alex drives to the park like his life DEPENDED ON IT.

fast and furious typa beat😩

he arrived there and saw you sitting on a bench

"thisisitthisisitthisisit"

he was ready to ask you but he was still nervous

"hey, uh its me alex" he was holding the flowers behind him and had a small smile on his face. "oh hey! what brings you here?"

"i wanted to give you these" alex handed you the flowers and bit his lip. 'what if you dont like them? what if you think he's creepy?'

"thank you, they're beautiful. but you sti-" you were cut off by an alarm from your phone. your break was over. "my break is over so can we talk later?"

"i can't talk later, i'm busy but can i have your number?" alex stuttered. "wow real smooth," you giggle. "but sure."

you wave him goodbye and start walking back to the cafe. was it a mission succes? definitely.

[fairycosmos]

does it feel weird to think that people here have a parasocial relationship with you? (not trying to generalize, at least i do have a few moments where you post and its like !!! friend !!! and then i have to consciously be like okay no you dont know eachother)

a little weird definitely, but i think it's kind of a minimized version of a parasocial relationship, at least in comparison to the bond celebs often have with their fans. that's usually much more about an insane power dynamic + monetary gain among other things. not to say that it's less potentially harmful or overly- personal, of course, but the nuances are often kinda different. i think everyone online is sort of operating in a parasocial context where we all feel like we know each other and we all feel like we can talk to each other like we're friends. the internet feels like a liminal space where the boundaries of real life get blurred. i'm really bad for it too, i literally think my mutuals are my mates LMFAO. it comes so naturally to think like that when you've been raised via social media + when you find it hard to find like-minded ppl irl, so you turn to online communities instead. but when you take a step back, which i think everyone should do more often including me, it really sinks in that you don't know anyone on here at all, not even a little.

but anyway yeah there have been a few odd occasions where i have had to explicitly and emphatically be like "you do not know me and it's fucking weird that you think you can talk to me like this." or where i've had to kind of reiterate that despite how personal this blog is, it's a very small glimpse into my life and it does not contextualize anything about me in-person. i'm a stranger walking down the street crying LOL. or moments where i can tell ppl have a very idealized version of me that they talk to via this blog which is prob my fault too btw, or maybe just the nature of the internet, but that definitely feels bizarre and estranging. and sometimes it's me, and i have to remind myself "you do not know this person and it is fucking weird that you think you can talk to them like that." i do like and am very flattered by ppl who think of us as friends and who see me as a positive presence like that, and i mean that - i think half the ppl who make me believe in the world are people i know online (possibly unhealthy btw but that's how it is.) there's just a line we both shouldn't cross i suppose, and a way to practice healthy boundaries. generally i think ppl who follow me are really cool and respectful and normal despite the negative experiences i’ve had. thank god cos i couldn’t cope lol :)

[grxceblqckthxrn]

hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

[forgive-me-your-highness]

Amphibian chaos!

A frog and a toad sitting on a warm rock in the sun, what crimes will they commit

Espresso - What motivates you to work hard? This question assumes I work hard

Oolong - What did you want to be when you were small? LMAO it sure as hell ain’t a job but I wanted to be a mermaid because I was a lil shit

Mountain Dew - Have your ever disliked something and then changed your mind? I used to hate talking on Discord servers but the 2 I’m on I will not shut up. Toad you never get a break from my bullshit

Banana Milkshake - What “Old Person” things do you do? I’ve started complaining about my back hurting because I sleep in wack ass ways

Black tea - Do you sleep with a top sheet? Why or why not? FUCK NO! I hate top sheets, only fitted sheet and some fluffy blankets for me, top sheets feel suffocating to me

Latte - What did you think was cool then, when you were a kid but isn’t cool now? Having a lot of friends, I have my handful of online friends who I love dearly, and 2 irl ones

Coca-Cola - How long would you last in a Zombie Apocalypse? Maybe two days if I’m lucky. I am dumb as all fuck.

Mango Milkshake - If you could live in another century, what would it be? I want to say plague times but that’s too fuckin dangerous so I’ll say the 1900′s because it’s the closest to the 2000′s

Cappuccino – You only get 3 words to describe yourself – what are they? A Sweet Fool

Dr Pepper – Which habit are you proudest of breaking? Being clingy, I still am but I hope not too much

White Tea - What’s one thing that can instantly make your day better? If someone calls me a nickname/pet name or even a small compliment

Apple Juice – If your life was a movie, what would it be called? “Shit’s Fucked, Volume who knows anymore”

Mocha - What’s your favorite sleeping position? Side, I have a pillow for my head, one pressed against my back, and one to hug like a sloth

Schweppes – What do you wish you were really good at? Socialization, someone is nice to me and then I cling to them because I’m lame

Chocolate Milkshake - If you could ask advice from any book character, who would it be? Diego from We Are The Ants

Orange Juice – What is your favourite item of clothing? I have a black shirt with a metallic gold design of Wind Waker Link + the Triforce

Flat White - Which of your personality traits has been the most useful? uHHH it’s not a good one but I can make my self disassociate so fucking fast if I need to, and I get such bad anxiety sometimes that I almost seem manic which helps to get away from bad situations-

Sprite – What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? I decided fuck it and started to post my favorite ships on main. Best decision I ever made

Red Bull - If you had a theme song, what would it be? Either Edge by Rezz on bad days or Sunshy by Dresses on good days

Nutella Milkshake - The house is on fire, but everyone is safely out, the pets are safely out, and all wallets/cash are saved. If you could make one last dash to get something, what would it be? Some sentimental stuff

Irish Coffee – What is your least favourite thing about your best friend? We got different time zones

Grapefruit Juice - When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? I usually waste time on Youtube or Ao3

Water - What is the silliest thing you have heard people say about you? I think someone called me a screw up, and they were right

Pepsi – What is your worst childhood memory? UUUGGGGHHHHHHH OKAY WHICH ONE? High key tho I wont share my worst one because it has to do with um bad stuff fuck that it doesnt feel good to write that but I guess a more tame one is having a really bad morning with my step mom and I ran out of the house losing my god damn mind crying Gotta love my childhood

Cherry Milkshake - What cartoon do you still like to watch?

Ninjago, Race to the Edge, and Gravity Falls

Carrot Juice - Remember one of the dumbest things you’ve ever done

UGGHHHHH WHICH ONE AGAIN?? I once sent vore to the wrong person and I fucking died (im not into vore, but my friend and I were trying to hurt eachother with really cursed shit)

Cold Brew - Using one word, how would you describe your family?

Wackass

Mirinda - What food combination do you want to ban?

Uncooked top ramen + the season powder

Hot Chocolate - What would be the absolute worst name you could give your child?

Dee which is short for Deeznuts

Milk - What Simpsons character are you?

Anyone that is the weed cousin, gay, or a dumb fuck

[thisiskatsblog]

Keep blogging but maybe blog about artists who want to be known as queer? Orville Peck and Olly Alexander and Troye Sivan have decent tumblr followings. And LilNas x . We need to make larger tumblr platforms for so many hardworking lgbt artists completely divorced from the Larry ship. Larry is extremely harmful to actual queer based in reality musicians. When instead of following ( on social media) and streaming their music and helping them with their free (lol) publicity, we are stuck on h/l.🌈

Another/the same anon 10 min later:

“Do you know the band cub sport? They are a very indie very fabulous band from Australia. The lead singer and one of his bandmates got married. Tim Nelson and Sam Netterfield. Their love story is gorgeous. Imagine how larries and ziams and all the rest of you would affect the world for good by blogging about irl queer love. Queer men who genuinely are in love and WANT to share their love and lives with the world. Instead you peddle some form of an closeted implausible, toxic relationship ?”

——–

1. Harry and Louis do want to be known as queer

2. Louis and Harry are very hard working LGBTQ+ artists who deserve an audience that’s supportive, also to that aspect of them.

3. How exactly is shipping Larry harmful to anyone? I never understood that argument.

4. Louis and Harry are actual queer musicians and deserve to be known for being musicians as well as being queer icons, and queer audiences deserve representation.

5. I am not a free publicity generator who is required to rationally decide which queer artist deserves my attention most. I am a fan. I choose. I chose Louis and Harry. Only partly because I see my queer experience reflected in their story. Also because I like their music. I much respect the other artists you mentioned,  but I don’t have that bond with them, I don’t like their genre, their style or their lyrics. I love Louis’ unique voice, I love Harry’s unique quirkiness. Also, as LGBTQ+ fans we have become part of Louis’ and Harry’s story in a much bigger way than we ever could be in any of the other artists’ stories. If they are able to come out in the next few years it’s because queer fans stood up against homophobic practices in the industry, said we would support them no matter what. Harry has said many times how important that has been for him. Louis keeps saying he’s got his whole career to thank to these “incredible incredible people” - who he calls “passionate, intelligent, and loyal” in his liner notes - which don’t mention his (fake) girlfriend.  I think he has very good reasons to do so. And there’s no way I’m not going to make good on my promise. 

6. I don’t feel stuck. And the little rainbow isn’t going to distract me from the false front you are putting up. What you are saying is really just another version of “go away queer person and be a fan of someone who’s also queer, nothing queer to see here”.  You’re just pretending I should do it “for the community” - well I’m queer and part of the community and I’m here to stay because I get to chose which artists I like, and I happen to like Louis a lot, and I’m sure he feels the same way about me and my friends, this community, HIS community, being here. So stick that up your ass anon, how bout that for a queer experience. I hope it gets stuck there. 

7. A second ask, no joke! Again trying to tell me that for the good of the world I should be supporting an in real life gay couple, well guess what, I AM SUPPORTING AN IN REAL LIFE GAY COUPLE, that’s fucking closeted by their fucking homophobic label/management, so you know what. I hope it stays stuck up your ass. 

8. Are you REALLY, like really trying to convince me that Louis “ lways in my heart sincerely, here’s the album with my love’s face on it #welivetogetherdealwithit” and Harry “my first real crush was Louis Tomlinson, it’s mutual we’ve discussed it” do not want to share their love for eachother with the world? Like they didn’t wear matching fucking shirts to that birthday thing like they didn’t just write albums for each other’s birthdays singing always you and we made it, and still the one … okay. Okay. You be less intelligent I guess. 

9. Closeted, yes. And shitting on closeted people is… guess what…. HOMOPHOBIC. 

10. Implausible? Like the Sun changing the starting date of Louis and Eleanor being together with more than a year when he was publicly with someone else plausible? Or like disappearing baby bumps plausible? Or like announcing a pregnancy 8 weeks into it plausible? Sure Jan. 

11. Toxic is what you are. Toxic is what these gaslighting the fans tactics are. Toxic is what these bullying the queer fans away with anons - whether being shitty or pretending to be friendly - tactics are. These supposedly “you should do something that’s actually good for the LGBTQ+ community” anons are as toxic and even more dangerous than the other. Because this one exudes some judgment of people in the closet and that’s harmful. And people being cut off from support because they are closeted, that’s even more harmful. I have no good words for you anon. Just none. I am normally all about non violent communication but you make me feel pretty violent. Because there is no way you are going to tell me I don’t know what’s good for me or my own community.

I’ll tell you what’s NOT good for the LGBTQ+ community. What is toxic. And harmful as hell. A 16 year old and an 18 year old kid - they were KIDS - being cajoled into the closet with fear tactics. Being forced to hide. Being forced to even though it became clear this was not what they wanted anymore. Them being SURPRISED at finding out there were people who supported them no matter what (their eyes in that interview where they found out…. my god). Them trying to connect with those people, and their reputations destroyed for it, and those people getting badly hurt because of it. Do you really think that after me and my friends having talked at least three people down from suicide, I’d give up on this? Do you? Really?

You know what’s also not good? This industry being allowed to continue closeting practices. That’s not good for ANY queer artist in or out of the closet. If they can do it to one of us they can do it to all of us. So I think Troye Sivan, and Olly Alexander, and all of the others you mention would probably say: good on them, good on the LGBTQ+ fans of One Direction that they stood up for themselves and said “we’re here, we’re queer, and we are going to support our own no matter which bullshit you throw at us”. 

I don’t even know why you keep trying to convince me otherwise. It’s been 7 years this month. Louis is openly shading babygate by now, waving at fans’ flags, thumbing us up, telling us to “be proud”. Why on earth would I go now? This is a one way street, dear. The outcome has been clear to me from the start: the gays always, ALWAYS win, in the end. It will all come out in the wash. And I’ll be loving the press that day, I am pretty sure I will ;-) 

[system-of-a-feather]

how did you begin to accept your alters? how did they identify and name themselves?

I would like to preface this with the notation that I am not the “original” but I did go through the process of finding out I had alters, accepting them, and coming to terms with them as someone who is the Host. With that notation in place, I will refer to this in two perspectives from my experience: how I came to identify myself as an alter and how I came to find the others.

Firstly, as a non-original alter myself, I was originally split off about ten years ago to help cope with how often we were moving and to make it so that we could quickly make social circles and befriend people despite having to change schools a good few times. For the first three or so years I wasn’t too solid of an identity in the sense I was entirely separate and I carried a lot of the traits of the character I am a fictive of, but I didn’t actively identify myself much until I became more active as myself outside of just school (which was about three years later). About three years later we actually got active online where I pretty much took dominion over and it was my place and the place I developed fully from the base fictionally-shaped personality and identity I was based with and shaped more into myself. 

My name started simply on a gut instinct and - in hindsight - probably either TA or Aya suggesting it as my username with Riku as its base. Because of that Riku became my online name people called me. For the next following like... six or so years I was just TA’s “online personality” or “better online self” or “actually functioning self” as she didn’t know of DID or alters, and I thought I was just “normal online vs offline personality changes”. Anyways, as I got more contact with my alters a few years ago (before I knew what alters were) I realized not only did I associate myself with the name Riku rather than any other name, but everyone internally called me Riku so when it came around to coming to terms that I have DID, I realized that everyone internally knew me as Riku because well... thats what I was ripped from XD And with the fact that I heavily identified with that name since as long as I can remember myself and everyone called me it, I decided my name was Riku and would stay Riku. As host, IRL I go by the body name and my fiance refers to me/us by that unless he is specifically trying to get my attention per my own request as I need to make sure I don’t forget to respond to the body name as host.

As someone who is host, it is honestly a huge long story to be honest. Despite knowing - in a way - that I was an alter (as I was ‘TA’s online personality’) I really struggled to accept that I had DID as it just is a hard and weird concept when you first come to think about it. Since going around the whole story would be covering years of content, I will go alter by alter to explain how they came about, first interactions, change over time in accepting them, and how they got their name.

Aderis was the first one I actively knew of. She appeared at first in a manner that really scared me of her as the first few times I was conscious and noticed her was when she was being sadistic and a bit of a punisher to problematic people in our lives. For a decent chunk I kinda thought of her as a monster I found within myself that I had no control over. Overtime though we actually communicated a bit more and a bit better and she shifted more from a monster to a monster-esque protector and through more time shes now just like our system’s mother bear XD It took a lot of communication and acts of not-sadism and more internal care to change that as well as a lot of like.. “no she exists you aren’t faking” from friends and therapists. Her name was just kind of already there and she personally introduced herself to me. From the sounds of it she always identified with that name. ((She originally let me call her by ‘Riku’ **as in Riku but not** until she told me that it was a pain and too similar to my name and told me to call her by Aderis instead))

TA is the one I TECHNICALLY knew of first as I split off from her. I really don’t know much about her currently other than she was a depressed alter that I knew I was meant to give a break to. This ended up with me permanently taking over host and since then she’s gone into dormancy. Her name is Traumatized (Body Name) as she is one of the originals.

Lucille is the next one I knew and technically also the first not-TA alter I knew about but, unlike Aderis, I just thought of him as that “smart guy part of my brain that I talked to occasionally.” I don’t really remember how we came to terms with eachother though so sorry about that. As for his name, he either came with it or picked it himself from the root stem of “Luce” meaning Light and partially since he resembled one of the OCs we made ages ago named “Elucid Fernum”. He existed prior than that character as he split off around the same time as me, but I think he did adopt the appearance of him.

Iris I became aware of at some point due to loud internal arguments between her and Aderis over how I should behave. Like Aderis, she was really clear about her existence and until RECENTLY, I’ve known her as “White ‘Riku’” as in the opposite of Aderis (who was ‘Riku’) for some time and only recently did the name Iris actually get told to me by an alter I can’t remember. I don’t communicate much with her so I can’t tell, but I feel like the name stems from her general aesthetic and that she named herself?

Aya is a little I didn’t really know of until two years ago but she has been around as our first host and one of the originals that stopped being host the same year Lucille and I split off. I only knew of her existence when we got comfortable with our fiance and at first I was really annoyed and a bit embarrassed about it but with his extreme acceptance of her and all of this, I just kind of came to really accept her presence? Aya I do remember how she came to be as we used to call her “Happy (Body Name)” or “HA” as she seemed to be direct opposite of TA (and they are likely the original dissociative split). However, due to the fact we realized that HA was an inaccurate misleading name for her that boxed her emotions in, I decided I would find her a new name. There were a few I was suggesting but nothing any of us could settle on and I was telling my fiance about the ideas and he made a joke and tried out Aya and she just like... clung to the name so she choose that name XD

Protector Riku is one I only a few months ago found out to be separate so thats a TBA story to tell. With that being said, it seems he (assuming gender off of what my gut says - probably a he or a they) split off only slightly from me as we share all memory with one another but opinions and views of experiences and life are different as well as how our emotions run. He coined himself as Protector Riku and he coins myself as Host Riku as we see each other more as “separate modes of Riku as a whole” rather than as full individuals from each other even though we are independent alters. I have been offering and TRYING to get in contact with him to see if he wants an actual separate name that is similar to Riku (Raiko, Ruki, Raiku, Roku, etc) to give him a shorter easier name that is his, or if he would like to shorten it to PR, or if he would just like to be known as P. Riku or Protector Riku long term. All of that is TBA though XD

In the end, a lot of coming to accept them was getting to know them better and trying to talk to them as it really came to make me realize these are actual individuals that are sharing my body with me to be honest. Coming to terms with that later half is a lot easier said than done, but just trying to get to know everyone and understanding they are trying to do the same really helped with it all.

-Riku (Host)

[nova-nox]

A single text post thrown into the void because I want to say this somewhere but if I do it in rl I'm afraid it'll come off rude or wrong or attention seeking. So. My blog I use only for reblogs.

I wonder if I am on the autistic spectrum. Because it seems like half of everything is a yes ans the other half is a no with some overlap in sometimes.

But in rl the ppl I know, only a few are on the spectrum and they're not close friends. I'm afraid of saying anything and being lumped into faking it or doing it for attention. One time I brought it up it was mentioned that I'm too good in convos with ppl and that I make eye contact so I can't possibly be on the spectrum.

But. Convos (except with close friends and family) are HARD and my social anxiety is awful and I'm jittery and nervous and embarrassed and awkward feeling the whole time. But I guess it doesn't count if I can look mostly normal on the outside to the strangers I'm talking with??

I don't know how these things are judged.

I have adhd. They say it's got a high comorbidity rate with asd.

There's a few ppl I love to watch on tiktok that have adhd. Some of them have both adhd and asd. One of them did a video trying to do an asd assessment and showed their asd and adhd sides warring against eachother providing conflicting answers. That's exactly how I felt for half the questions when I took the test.

I got a high score. They say for this last test that if u got above a 65 you most likely were on the spectrum. I got 134.

But a lot of the questions I wanted to put "sometimes" for instead of always or never. Or i wanted context.

Not everything bothers me 100% of the time and sometimes I do things sometimes but not never.

I feel like a fraud. I got to the end and saw the numbers and thought. "What if I misunderstood? What if I lied?" I have a terrible fear of me somehow subconsciously trying to alter my responses and answers to the test to get the outcome that gives me asd.

I don't know why.

Any time I take an online test or see people on the spectrum talking about things specific to them, I relate. Or i score in the asd range. But every person irl I talk to says I can't be for x and y reasons.

((Why does this matter so much to me?? I just want to know. I don't know why I just want to know.

But I don't want to say I'm on the spectrum if I'm not and give people who do have asd a bad rep. I don't want to say I have it and look like I'm pretending or doing it for attention.

I just want to know for me. If it would explain some things. If it wouldn't.))

But the problem with tests too is that ppl say u can be Masking. We learn it growing up.

And like.

Aren't we always masking?? Like u have friends u can be yourself around and everyone else u have to be more toned down for. More reserved. Less emotional.

And like. How would I be able to tell the difference? Isn't everything just a bunch of social rules anyways? What's considered polite and what's acceptable? Like. U learn as a kid you can't run around a room where adults are having a serious convo. So as an adult u don't do that either.

If you're at a meeting you're not allowed to get up from the table and pace around the room even though you're super anxious and have a bunch of restless energy. So you just suffer quietly through it because that's socially acceptable and moving around the room isn't.

I hate hate hate meeting new people but apparently I'm "good at it" despite feeling like a complete idiot the whole time and super anxious and like I failed by the end.

Gosh I don't even know where I'm going with this.

I just want to know. But I keep getting conflicting information.

Maybe it's just my adhd.

I dunno.

I'd be fine either way. If I had asd or didn't have asd. I just don't want to give a bad rep to anyone or be accused of claiming it when I'm not or anything else.

I just. It was liberating getting confirmation that I had adhd. I've started finding answers to all the weird stuff I do. How I react to things. And now I can look up adhd tips for diff things I struggle with and find answers.

I just want that. For if I'm on the spectrum. Answers. Help. Not anything else. Just. Answers and the ability to use this information to help me with things I need help with.

[afroggyfrog]

Political compass

To some people a political compass is just a “fun” quiz like “what type of bread are you?” and if you’re that kind of person then don’t waste your breath telling me I’m overthinking. There’s people that take it seriously, maybe they live in a 2d world with simple, 2d beliefs that always be plotted on a 2d grid, or maybe they just want that to be true, because it’s more comfortable than to think “I really don’t understand politics”.

A political compass of political compasses.

One axis can’t be used for more than one question

Let’s say we have a political compass of 1 axis, lets say, it has 2  questions.(i would have added “do you prefer donkeys or elephants” but that would just make it unnecessarily complex)

https://forms.gle/gCifTpqu2hTNo7s86

Do you prefer blue or red?

If you’re in a maze and your path is split, do you go to the left or to the right?

These questions perfectly correspond to what a politics fan might call “democrat” or “republican”, and to be serious, the answers to this probably predict who you’re gonna vote for at least a little. So what’s the problem with this model? You might not think that people who prefer different colours or maze paths wouldn’t hate each other but the whole point of politics is to hate each other So imagine this was a real political test, and if someone answers differently from you, yo hate them. Now imagine that my political axis is GOP and DEM, if you select blue left youre a DEM extremist and if you select red right youre a GOP extremist, anything else and you’re a centrist.

From the point of view of an extremist (according to the american political compass), you’ve got your side, your polar opposite, and some people who are in the middle and it all seems to make some sense.

From the point of view of someone who happens to like red but also sticks to the left side of a maze your political compass results puts you in the exact same spot as your polar opposite whom you hate very much, in the same spot as someone who answered neutral to both questions, and to one side and to the other, sit people who you think as pretty much the same as eachother, since they both just agree and disagree with you in equal measures, and none of it makes any sense.

Now imagine if there was a country where the leftists wore the color red and the rightists wore blue (i think it might just be literally every country except america?) and all of a sudden the same political compass puts all the previous extremists into the middle and it splits the 3 centrists into the left, right, and center (that 1 guy who answers neutral on everything is literally the only person worth the title of centrist)

To put this into the simplest words I can, you can have extremists that are perfectly opposed to each other end up in the middle, unless the questions aren’t all just the same thing rephrased. And this is a huge flaw that you cant get rid of unless you add a new dimension to the compass, a new dimension for every single question you add, at 1 question a line, at 2 questions a 2d grid, at 3 questions a cube... So the political compass can only tell you as much info about someone as you can get frrom asking them only 2 questions, trying to cram more than 2 questions into it will only lead to misrepresentation.

Almost every political extremist sits in the center

Because the larger the number of possible policies you could use to guess someones political compass position, the more combinations of extreme stances on each policy could end up canceling each-other on the compass, but that doesn’t make them any less extreme, it just means that in order to be in one of the corners or the sides only 8 combinations of extremist opinions can be had. If you have 3 policies each with 2 extremist stances that can be had, thats already 8 combinations, for 4 policies thats 16, for 10 policies that let you be an extremist thats 1024 combinations. That means that if humans were only capable of having 10 policies then only 0.8% of the ideologies with the most extremist positions on each policy would be seen as an extremist by the political compass.

But even if it’s broken in theory, you would at least expect right wingers to be on the right side and left wingers to be on the left side of the compass, since even if your opinion isn’t represented by the political compass, neither is your opinion represented by the 2 parties, so they should at least misrepresent your opinion in the same way (it always boils down to 2 parties because our voting systems are just broken but voting systems deserve their own separate post)

Why americans are immune to noticing its defects

I’m not a historian, but I read somewhere that the popular version of the political compass cant be applied to 20th century european politics because the political compass of the time was this triangle.

It seems pretty intuitive that different cultures at different time periods would need unique and incompatible political compasses. A political compass may ask stuff about race to someone who’s never talked to someone of a different race irl, or a question about congress to someone who’s country doesn’t have a congress, it can ask “are people more divided by class than by nationality” and the answer feels like it should vary solely by the country they are in rather than by their opinion, these are all questions I randomly got by searching for political compass.

Perhaps it’s just a coincidence but every political compass I ever saw seemed like it was designed to only work on americans, this may or may not be due to the fact that american politics are the only politics that are ever talked about internationally. I also went and searched for “compas politic romanesc”, i found a study written in english that contained a political compass quiz written for romanians  but the site where the quiz was hosted is just a blank page for me, you can still find the questions written in english in the link to the study at page 10) Every other result was also in english, so I wouldn’t even know political compasses existed if i didn’t know english.

So why does the compass designed for your personal culture  end up feeling useful?

There’s this bias called the halo effect. To put it simply, if you are a fan of someone, or something, you’re going to convince yourself that every part of it is good, if you’re a democrat, you’ll convince yourself that everything they do is right, even if there’s no reason why ideas like open borders, climate change alarmism, additional taxes, gay marriage etc are related, you’ll convince yourself that if you like more ideas from democrats than you like from republicans, you’ll have to like ALL the ideas that come from democrats.

If you live in a world where everyone’s convinced themselves that there’s 2 sides then all of a sudden the political compass doesn’t feel like its grossly oversimplified to the point of making no sense, in fact, it even looks like it has more nuance than it needs, why do we need the authoritarian axis again? oh, theres a couple loud minorities in addition to the main parties, like communists and fascists and libertarians and hippies and because they’re all american off-brands the political compass puts each of them into their unique spots on the compass.

Sure every american who calls themselves a fascist will end up on the far right, but not Mussolini himself with his “race is a social construct” ideas, the father of fascism himself could be deemed a centrist by a modern-day political compass because hes not american.

Extremists that happen to be seen as centrists by the compass can simply be forgotten, after all, they’re probably the way they are because they’re not americans which means you’ll never have to discuss politics with them.

The silver lining

In a world where due to a broken voting system there are only 2 parties that matter, and where the halo effect makes people unnaturally aligned with the either one of the 2 dominant parties, a political compass could be helpful to someone who lived in a cave and was never corrupted by constant stream of political propaganda that is spewed online. Sure that his randomly-generated political opinion is 90% likely to be somewhere in the center, where every extremist sits, except 4 of them, but just on the off-chance that he aligns with one of the sides that america has deemed worthy of being trademarked he will know it, and can buy their branded stickers and hats.

The alternative

Just don’t talk about politics It’s a waste of time.

[notdepressedjusttired]

Can you??? Answer??? All the Soft Asks??????

This is gonna take a while ;;;;;

🌸Blankets: Have you been in love?

Yes.

🌸Stuffies: How did you meet your best friend?

I have 3 of them??

My oldest friendship dates back to Kindergarten. His name is Joshua, he gave me a flower, and told me I was pretty. I still talk to and hang out with him. I tease him a lot because I’m older than him by 7 months but he’s like;;; 6’ tall? I love him with all my heart though. We’ve been through a lot of shit together.

My current IRL best friend I met my freshman year; her sophomore year of high school. We actually only passed by eachother during passing period, but we both had the same nerdy Doctor Who bag. I had said I like her backpack and she was about to say thanks, but she burst into laughter after she saw we had the same bag. A few weeks later we were both cast in our school’s first musical of the year and she hasn’t been able to get rid of me since. We’ve gone through almost too much together if I’m being honest…

My BEST FRIEND BEST FRIEND is @thighkyuu We met on here over a year ago after one of us was having a bad night; I can’t remember which, but we must have talked til like 4 AM. We bonded over Mysme, anime, music, our philosophies about life, our depression and anxiety ((fucked up as that may sound it’s true)), just all kinds of things. We’ve both been through our separate traumas over the course of that year, but we were there for eachother. She’s been my only constant over this year and I would do anything for her.

🌸Fluffy Pillows: What happened in your most recent dream?

Jesus, here comes my voltron obsessed ass.

Okay. So. Everyone knows that I love Keith, I’d do anything for him, so naturally we’re partners. “There is no way you two aren’t twins.” If I remember, I think Lance said that.

Anyway, in the dream, this was before they left Earth. Keith and I were in the shack going over our cork board filled with papers/files stolen from the Garrison, photographs of the strange markings on the cave wall, the rock formations in the desert, and all of this string; we’re covering the board trying to figure out what the hell pulled us out in the middle of the desert. All the sudden there was a flash of light and a huge BOOM. Naturally we both ran outside and saw an alien space craft entering the atmosphere. My first thought of course “I’m taking my hoverbike and explosives from the back.” “I’m taking mine to see what the fuck is in that ship.”

I set off the explosives and get the fuck out of there. It all goes as canon but I’m riding next to Keith on my hoverbike while he has 4 other people on his bike. Im dying from laughter and Keith just looks pissed but then we get to the cliff and we’re both ecstatic about it while 3 of the 5 on his bike scream in terror. The rest goes as canon but I’m tagging along and adding in my 2 cents in every now and again.

When we go to look for Red, Keith can’t get a clear feel for him. Keith knows the general area he’s going to be in but can not figure out which hangar Red is in. Suddenly theres like this ping in my head and I grab his upper arm and start pulling him to the hangar Red is in. We’re both relieved as fuck and Keith goes up to him and asks for entry and Red denies, I look over and see all the soldiers running toward us and start backing the fuck up. “RED OPEN THE FUCK UP!” still no entry, Keith opens the hangar door sucking everything out into space. We’re both freaking the fuck out cause what the hell do we do?! Red comes in. Keith is in the pilot’s seat; I’m standing next to him cause what else am I supposed to do??

Then I woke up.

🌸Scented Candles: How do you relax?

I watch voltron. Sketch Keith. Listen to music. Go on tumblr. You know anti-social fun stuff.

🌸Gem Stones: What’s your birthstone/favourite stone?

My birthstone is Garnet. It is also my favourite stone.

🌸Pyjamas: Describe your favourite pyjamas!

I dont wear pyjamas… I’m usually fully dressed or completely naked when I go to bed.

🌸Fuzzy Socks: What’s your favourite movie?

V for Vendetta. No competition.

🌸Kittens & Puppies: Name of your pet or your ideal pet?

Zarina Karina McBeana The Third. My bichon. She’s turning 11 this year *sniffles* they grow up so fast.

🌸Laughter: What’s the funniest joke you’ve heard?

My ex-boyfriend saying he’s sorry for everything he’s done to me and then asking for me back. I was clutching my fucking sides I was laughing so hard.

🌸Mittens: Do you like the snow?

❄I❄❄L❄O❄V❄E❄❄S❄N❄O❄W❄

🌸Hot Coco: What’s your favourite Starbucks drink?

Chai anything. I’m easy to please.

🌸Soft Kisses: Describe your OTP

We been makin shades of purple out of Red and Blue.

🌸Rainy Days: What do you do on a rainy day?

Sleep. Go on tumblr. Sleep more.

🌸Flower Petals: What’s your favourite flower?

Orchids because I too die if not given the proper attention.

🌸Cotton Candy: What’s your favourite candy?

Albanese Gummi Bears. It has to be Albanese or I will not eat them.

🌸Bubble Baths: Your favourite memory?

Turning around and seeing Sam’s face for the first time IRL at Kamicon a couple weeks ago.

🌸Wooly Scarfs: What song do you think relates the most to you?

Sick of losing soulmates by Dodie Clark. There are many kinds of soulmates. Friend soulmates, romatic soulmates, mentoring soulmates. And I’ve lost too many soulmates in my short life. I dont think I can handle losing any more…

🌸Roasted Marshmallows: Your camping with friends! Describe the forest you’re pitching your tent in.

We found a clearing in the thick of green woods next to a stream. The friendly scent of pine needles reminds me of home. Joshua is pitching tents. Mary Grace is chatting away with Abby and Tina about the mountain we’ve just climbed down. Sam and I find ourselves in the middle of the forest enjoying the smell of the dew drops in the grass as we collect kindle wood. Cosmo is tuning her ukulele when we finish the fire and set up camp. The evening begins creeping in as the sun starts to fade from view. We all stay in a comfortable silence as we look up at the stars and swirling nebula; listen to the sound of the gentle breeze and Cosmo lazily strumming “I can’t help falling in love with you” by Elvis Presley. The air is chilled but everything feels warm.

🌸Bird Songs: Name 5 things you love

Keith Kogane, friends/family, music, theater, sharp objects.

🌸Old Books: Do you read? If so, what’s your favourite book series?

I do read. My favourite book series continues to be the hunger games. My favourite solo book is The fault in our stars.

🌸Warm Hugs: Who would you love a hug from right now?

My choreographer Kristina Lewis… She took her own life 2 years ago… I’d do anything to bring her back and tell her how much I love her…

🌸Clouds: What’s the best shaped cloud you’ve seen?

It was the shape of a hippo! I was so excited.

🌸Fae: Describe yourself as a fairy

Little shit. Sets things on fire all the time. Makes people’s lives a living hell. Wears red and black clothes only. Definitely one of those fairys that have dragon kind of wings.

🌸Holding Hands: What was the name of your first love?

Daniel.

🌸Cupcakes: Favourite cupcake flavour?

Vanilla bean. I’m a very plan person.

🌸Tealights: Describe a romantic date perfect for you

At home, Pizza and candy boxes everywhere, blanket pile, lights off, movie marathon, cuddling, forehead kisses, raspberries being blown into the neck and cheek, smiles, giggling, flustered faces.

🌸Gardens: What’s the sweetest gift you’ve received

My tech teacher bought me these beautiful detail brushes ((for those of you who dont know I was head painter at my old school)). They’re my most treasured possessions.

[unsweethoney]

Hi

(I would like to share a personal story about dealing with lost friendships. It’s kinda long, I’m sorry.)

“All throughout my middle and high school life, I never “belonged” to a group of kids. So I had to make way with my current “friends” I have now. We were a solid group of girls at the beginning. High school brought us closer but we began to see our true colors. We conflicted all the time but at the end of the day, we were the only ones who understood eachother. I was especially different since nobody in my school looked like me (if you know what I mean). So there were plenty of times I was outcasted from my own friend group without them purposely doing so. I felt used since I’m the main person to provide them emotional support and never received it back. I was never appreciated for being the good friend I was. They did me dirty most of the time but I brushed it off. I had no one else to turn to but them.

Being in my almost third year of college, they aren’t sticking around anymore. We don’t talk like we use to. Havn’t gotten any “happy birthday”s from them. Don’t text on the regular. They never have time to hang out with me. I’m left on “read”. Etc, etc. One of them even speaks to me like we’re acquaintances, which is weird cuz we’d damn near be considered best friends, all the things we’ve been through together. My actual “best friend” doesn’t talk to me like at ALL. She doesn’t even consider me family. But I don’t have anyone else to be my real best friend so she still holds her title for now I guess.

Ive resulted to online friendships who, sadly, have held out better than my irl friends. There’s this one person I met and we became best friends for almost a year now. We were like brother and sister. We’d annoy the shit out of eachother every day and share our excitement about nerdy stuff. We even got to the point where insulting one another was our main form of communication. He knew when I was feeling down on certain days and always asked if I was doing alright. He’d even try to distract me from my thoughts and get me laugh to “make me feel like myself again.” Then he just stopped texting... No post on social media, no “read” messages to show that he’s still alive, nothing. And it really sucks cuz I’m back to having no one to truly connect with and be buddy-buddy with. I’m still waiting for him to text back and I hope he’s okay. It’s only been like 6 days. I’d honestly rather it just be him not wanting to talk to me anymore then something happening to him. Even tho I hate both situations.

I feel like at this point, there’s no avoiding the fact that I’m going to be friendless for a long while. I’m tired of thinking about it. I’ve developed a bad habit of talking to myself and making myself laugh. Is that a sign of me going crazy? Hopefully my future adult self can go out and make some new friends but that’s never easy for introverts. I wish my friends would understand how much I want to reconnect with them but every attempt turns into them making excuses. But for now, I guess I’ll be stuck in my own little world with the “friends” in my head.

I think this is the universe telling me that now is the time to take care of myself and focus on personal growth. I really need to get my mental and physical health up and not be so worried about other people. Although, it would be nice to have someone beside me who I can be myself with. Good thing quarantine gives me an excuse as to why I don’t go out much.

I hope there’s someone out there who can relate.”

[survivesalem]

Episode 3 - “This music video is kinda hot to be quite honest.” - Raffy

I think this may be the end of me. The worst possible thing has happened. We are tribe swapping....I'm the only member of my tribe over here.....its a 5-1-1......oof Can I get an F in chat? Here's to good luck and hope that there is fracture within the 5.

I am kind of glad to be swapped because it means that I am no longer stuck with a losing tribe. But, it seems no one knows how to edit which just sucks because that will surely mean we will lose the challenge. On the plus side, I have Mac and Jay with me. Our alliance will be stronger than ever! However, Mac let slip earlier that he knows a lot more people than he lets on which means I will allow him to choose the target if we go to tribal council as I don't need to accidentally target someone he's friends with. I feel that I can make stronger connections on my current tribe way more easily than with my old tribe.

Ben and Evelyn went. Inacts. Bye. Now it’s swap. I’m down the street when I see the “Announcement” pop up and I’m like AHH SHIT. I look at the tribes.....I wouldn’t say I’m in danger but the division is literally 3-3-1. Jessie as the swing vote. I need to work my ass off or flip to get myself safe. Oof I’m worried. Butttttt MUSIC VIDEO CHALLENGE TIMEEEEE. I was away when people discussed the songs, and it’s literally some random song I’ve never heard of. I’d love to bitch and complain but also not, so I’ll just sell this fucking performance xoxo

So we get tribe swapped and I’m the only og tituba still on the tribe . Gonna list my thoughts on my new tribe members Raft - seems okay we played a game in the past we’re he got out early . Picked the music video song seems to be a take charge personality . Jay : haven’t spoken much don’t vibe yet . Seems very silent Jessie: wow Jessie, it’s finally your challenge please snap or you’ll probably be yeeted off the tribe Lukas: haven’t spoken . Don’t think he’s gonna reach out first so it’s gonna have to be me . Keegan/Harley: played atomic didn’t work together we said we are gonna work together this time so hopefully it happens Mac/ Oak tree man: THIS IS THE MAN I SENT PICTURES OF TREES TO IN ATOMIC. He passes my vibe check . Brien: I’ve actually met him and he seems genuinely hyped that we get to play together . Don’t think he’s voting me off soon Rn my biggest concerns on the tribe are Jay and Lukas due to lack of communication. I’m sure they already have connections most people tend to . Anyways yeah I’m just hoping we win this music video challenge because honestly I love our tribes ideas. Spooky spooky witchy witchy

Despite being hesitant about editing, I think I am actually doing a pretty good job at this! This is probably going to be the best music video I've ever put together. Brien was talking to me earlier about how he thinks this tribe isn't going to be based on tribal lines. That the game would be more dynamic if we play without it. But, here's the thing, I don't believe that. I think we need to get rid of an original Good member since one of those people will come back if we go to tribal. Plus he wanted to get info out of me already on my old tribe like.... we're not that close bro. At least not yet.

My dumbass not submitting any confessionals before episode 3. Gotta love that INV1 rating! So, lots has happened. Gizmo and Cameron are sneaky sneaks who have been playing all sides and just being chaotic little shits. Our tribe had multiple alliances by like day 2, even before the first challenge results. Slow down there! We ended up coming in second in a challenge but since 2/3 tribes we’re going To tribal we still had to go. Eve was voted out 4-1-1 against Cameron and ME! How dare they?? I think it was Eve who voted me but whatever. And then we swapped into two tribes! And this is basically Nova Scotia 2.0. We’ve got me and Mac and Jessie! We’ll see if that goes anywhere if we lose a challenge. (This rounds is music videos 🤮) So anyways Brien, Lukas and I are sticking together for a bit based on OG tribes, and I’ll see if I can’t get Jessie or Jay (who I just voted out of Atomic oop) to work with us. But that leaves Mac and Raffy in the outs? Who I both enjoy a lot. So, we’ll see what happens. I don’t see myself being a target right away but you never know.

Well, I did not like this challenge at all. I'm a pretty shy person so this was really out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately I wasn't able to film a whole lot due to having to travel this weekend, but! I still at least got something in to show I tried. I may have figured a way to get myself into majority which I really need. I just hope we can get it all sorted out today.

This music video is kinda hot to be quite honest. I think we're going to win, unless they have some editing god on the other side. I would be so disappointed in myself if we lost cause I'm just an amateur. However, I believe that people have appreciated my efforts as editor, so I will most likely survive this round. I just need to protect Jay and Mac. I hope they have started being social with everyone. On this tribe, I want to work with Jessie because she's in the middle of the tribe line split. I have not told Jay or Mac this because I want to keep my cards as close to my chest as possible in the pre-merge. I do not even know if I even want to work with anyone in the long term. In any case, I am hoping to target either Lukas or Brien. I have talked to Lukas the least which is problematic, and Brien is always on game mode seemingly. He's been talking strategy despite not even going to tribal. That's a potential threat. However, I am going to let other people take the lead for this vote. I just want to focus on socially and strategically positioning myself with people that like me.

so uhhh....we’re doing my least favorite challenge. Music videos are the bane of my existence. I always end up editing and I refuse to do it now. Paolo is supposed to be our editor, but he has gone AWOL. I mean...I could offer to edit, but like.....why not let Paolo lose the challenge for us and then vote him out? Seems like an easy option to me. 🤷🏼‍♂️

The swap Tituba tribe are safe. HOT. Now. I’m super happy since this is the first time this season I’m immune. I can’t talk game with Liam and I hate this. But omg I need Alex safe. I also need Liam safe. Hopefully someone flops and they can leave. If my tribe lost, I’m pretty sure I would’ve had the numbers to send Keegan home. I make Brien seem like he’s in control of the vote while working with Jay and Raffy for a 4-3 vote or a 5-2 vote. That difference would be if Jessie was on my side or not.

we lost. i’m excited to start the game and go to tribal. idk what i plan to do yet, but I have ideas about who I want to work with.

Sad days. It's my first tribal of the season in the post tribe swap, and I'm not really sure where I've ended up on the tribe. I haven't spoken a word to Alex, and I voted Zach out in a prior game, so I don't know if he'll hold that against me. I like Austin, Gizmo, and Dylan, but we've never had a chance to talk game or work together yet. I'm also nervous that people will target me since I did such a bad job at editing compared to the other team, but who knows. It's gonna be a free for all on my end.

The other tribe, Osbourne, is going to tribal. In our tribe, it’s a 3-3-1 split. On the other tribe, it’s a 5-1-1 split. The 1 person also has the 5 from the other tribe, making all six. That’s worrying. If one of those 5 don’t go home then we may have to throw a challenge or two and make sure the 1 leaves. The only issue, that 1 is Jessie, and I really like them as a person. My new tribe has 3 OG Good; Keegan, Lukas, Brien, as well as 3 Osbourne; myself, Jay and Raffy. Brien is the outlier with Lukas and Keegan being close. Brien fed me useful info of Gizmo being new and close to Lukas and Keegan. On my personal hitlist; is Lukas, Keegan and Austin. I don’t trust those 3 out of the people left in the cast, even despite me and Austin never interacting yet. Austin is sweet but their style gameplay is a lil cutthroat. Pretty much what I’m saying is whoever goes from the opposing tribe is who I target in this tribe when we go to tribal. Either Jessie, or the Keegan/Lukas duo. Anyways, stream Sour Candy by Lady Gaga ft BLACKPINK.

Keegan definitely voted for Cameron bc he was scared of an idol I’m fairly certain of it but I understand why he did so I’m not mad at him and I think I trust him on this new tribe more then Lukas. But I fear they are a duo and I wanna talk to Jessie and tell her my fears so she knows she can trust me and maybe me her and Keegan can be a group. I wanna work with Jessie bc I know her pregame and met her irl but the only problem is her original tribe has not lost a member and if we don’t vote her out here then the other tribe might stick together and get Alex and Gizmo out before turning on eachother then we could have all of them at a merge which would not be ideal. So I gotta weigh if keeping Jessie as an ally is worth that happening. I had a good convo with Mac Idk where will stand on this new tribe but I wanna work with him bc I think he will always be perceived as more threatening then me. He even bought up the idea of a tengagers alliance with everyone in the game that has a tengaged which is me him Liam Alex and Cameron we will see if all of us are still around come merge time but I’m excited to maybe make that reality once we merge. We both kinda agreed Austin is shady. Keegan Mac and Jessie all just played atomic together which worries me that they will want to stick together on this tribe but I definitely want to work with Mac and I need to make sure he knows it. Atm the person I’m least closest to on my tribe is Jay so if we lose I’d want to try to make a move on him possibly. I wanna work with raffy but he sketches me out in our pms and isn’t willing to give me any info. I fear Keegan and Lukas are too close and I’m a 3rd wheel for them I wanna see if I can enlist macs help to take one of them out maybe Lukas because he talks to me less then Keegan does

I can't believe that I won a music video challenge with my editing skills. I am so proud of that video! I am going to take the time that we are immune to bond more with my tribe. I think I have gotten the best vibes from Keegan and Jessie. Brien is middling. Lukas and I don't really connect that well. I think I am still good with Jay and Mac, so there's no worry on that front. Now that I edited my tribe to victory, they will all probably like me and want to work with me a lot more. There's the benefit of volunteering as editor hehe.

So right now I would definitely consider Mac my number one ally and I wanna keep that lowkey so no one sees us as a duo he suggested throwing the next 2 challenges to get a mix of Jessie, Keegan and Lukas out which is interesting and throwing challenges rarely works but I love going to tribal so Im not gonna say no to it. Plus if it helps gizmo stay in the game on the other tribe longer that’s good. I really like him and want to see him make the merge and then maybe we can work together at the merge Mac really seems to think merge will be at 12 and I’m not too sold on that we could have a swap or not merge at 12 So the way this tribe is it’s me and mad together and he is playing Raffy and jay and I’m playing Lukas and Keegan and idk where Jessie figures into all this but I feel bad that she may have to go simply for numbers sake if one of her original tribe doesn’t go at this tribal. I’m trying my best to be social with everyone and I think I’m a good spot to not go if we go to 2 or even 3 tribals in this tribe that’s another reason I’m not opposed to throwing the challenges. I don’t see a reason jay would trust Keegan after he voted him out in atomic so we may be able to get a 5 person majority against Keegan and Lukas who I made sure Mac knew they were right. Or if we have to we can maybe get a unanimous vote against Jessie. Mac and I made all these grand plans to make the end game and have specific numbers come merge but things never work out the way you plan them so I need to have a plans b through z at the ready and I don’t wanna put all my eggs in the Mac train atm even though I think I convinced him to trust me and he can until I feel I can’t beat him or he is more loyal to someone else *cough cough* Liam they are both hosts together on tengaged I played their game so they are close but mac is certainly trying to downplay it I need Keegan and Lukas to trust me until it’s too late for them. Will I have some remorse going for my original tribe ehh not really in games if I see I better route or a better opportunity I’m gonna take it. I think I’m the real swing vote when we have to go to tribal especially if Keegan really thinks he can get Jessie on our side. So that puts me in an interesting spot a spot where I could be loyal to my OG tribe or I could make a move a change the direction of my game for the better. It’s weird bc I’ll have enemies after I make my choice but I need to make sure the allies I make won’t turn on me after I side with them. Idk the choice I’m gonna make yet I need to weigh out the pros and cons and decide accordingly but one thing is for sure I’ll be in charge at the next vote

Well, we lost the music video challenge. Can't say I'm surprised, we took forever to get it together. There isn't as much activity on this tribe as far as I can see at least. I really want to survive this tribal. I think I've gotten myself into a good position. I'm in a 4 person alliance which is majority, but who knows if they're being honest. I'm currently trying to get in with the three other tribe members. If i can position myself as the swing vote I think that would be good for me at least for this vote.

Flirting with Brien is fun. Maybe that'll bring us closer and he'll be my goat hehe. But who can never be sure

Jay brought up in the alliance chat what we are going to do if we have to go to tribal in the future. He's just trying to get out there who would be receptive of working with us (me, Mac, and him). Jay says that he's talked the most with Brien and Lukas. That is strange because I barely talk to Lukas. I probably should get on that. I said I talked the most with Brien and Jessie. I really want to sell them on Jessie so that we can make her work with us which will help us gain a majority on this tribe without stepping on tribal lines. Mac has yet to wake up, so I'm waiting to see what he thinks. It sounds like our alliance might want to work with Brien eventually, but we shall see. I am very hesitant to even mention working with anyone because I do not want to step on toes so early on. Maybe I should try to keep my mouth shut on game talk and work on being social for the time being.

Mac is spilling the hot tea today. He wants to throw the next immunity challenge to take out either Keegan or Lukas. I am in love with this idea as it puts the target on Mac instead of myself since he was the one who said it. I will just let people fight my battles for me until merge to avoid the big target. Apparently, Keegan is a past winner and Lukas is popular in the community. So, if we take them out now, then we can set ourselves up in a power position late down the line. I can see why Mac made POTS. He is definitely a strategic threat and has a very analytical mind. When I backstab him, I need to do it swiftly and effectively. I hoping that Jay follows through with the plan. I believe that we will target Keegan as he has not been the most active in the chats at all. This could make him the easy vote out. I want to include Jessie in on the plan in order to establish a strong connection with her. This is so when we do merge that she won't fall back to her old tribe and will fall back to us.

So uh........,,.,,.,.,..,shit hit the fan. Apparently Austin is targeting Dylan and I do yeehaw. I think Dylan and I are going to try and pull votes for austin.

When that chat was created between Alex, Austin, Gizmo & Myself I knew I had to expose it! AND THAT'S WHAT YA BOI DID! Austin is a rat and I've had shady vibes from him since the beginning and this just confirmed it. I told Dylan, Paolo & Zach what Austin said and some certain people were not that happy. I think it's either Austin or Paolo going but I'm still not 100% but if I managed to get numbers for Austin I'm so SHOOK

[flowerboymoongirl]

What are the Odds? 2.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom Holland accidentally adds you to his friends list, and when you hit him up about about it you think that’s gonna be the end of that. Simple. But Tom does the complete opposite. Let the social media flirting begin.

Warnings: some cursing, bad flirting, annoying brothers.

Word count: 2898

A/N: Thought this chapter was long but once I finished it I felt like it wasn’t, so be prepared for longer chapters, which I hope ya’ll are ok with lol. I have a lot of details in my mind for their specific dynamic together along with relationships of the other characters so im glad ill be able to put most of those details into the upcoming chapters. enjoy.

//////

So about the whole, ‘I’m gonna tell him’ thing you told the roomies.

That... is easier said than done. Watching a celebrity’s private social media page is wrong, but also really interesting. Like those “CELEBRITIES! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!” articles in those trashy magazines that you use to skim through at the grocery store while your mom did her shopping. Most days, Tom posted what you would deem ‘normal people activities.’ Him walking his dog in the morning. Him having a beer with who you assumed were his roommates. Him leaving his clean laundry on a chair in his room for a few days and then posting about his guilt for doing it. We’ve all been there. But then, he would also post things that you were sure was on the invasion of privacy range you were crossing. He had posted going out to restaurants or clubs that were super exclusive a few times, him drinking with his friends which lead to drunk Instagram stories, (once again, we’ve all been there) or he’d post gym selfies or his outfit of the day, which like, how were you suppose to deny yourself that?

But overall, he seemed like he tried to live as normal a life as possible, and was pretty down to earth for the most part. Which made you feel bad for being so nosey in his life. He obviously wanted privacy, and here you were watching all of his private stories meant for his friends and family. You could practically hear Zoë telling you how you should’ve figured out how to unlink yourself from that list two weeks ago when she told you to. It was exhausting sometimes how often Zoë was right.

Which lead you to finally telling yourself that the next time he posted something you would message him about the mixup and then carry on with your life like you weren’t bummed to not be able to watch Spider-Man’s day to day activities. You needed to get a better hobby.

“Earth to y/n, are you in there??“ Kevin said as he waved his hand infront of your face.

“Isn’t it time for you to go to work? I thought maybe you fell asleep at the dining table for again, until I noticed your eyes were open.” You glanced at the clock. 3:30am. Waking up for the 4am opening shift for work was the worst.

“Uh, yeah. I was totally spacing, guess I’m still just tired.” You said while you grabbed your jacket and keys.

“Don’t fall asleep on the way to work please?” He said while we followed you to the door to lock it.

“I won’t, don’t worry Kev.”

“Alright, later boooo”

You gave Kevin a smile and a wave and walked down the hall to the elevator to get to your car. You were lucky you didn’t live far from the bakery and your coworkers didn’t ever mind if you were late, they all understood that while whole morning shift was the shift to have, it could be hard getting up in the morning. Your drive to work was quick since there was no traffic that early in the morning and when you parked you saw your coworkers getting out of their cars as well. Perfect timing. You said your hellos to the group as you all walked inside and walked to your stations to start the day. You all shared the big back room of the bakery but all had your own little corners with your things. Your corner you had just started to decorate and you had really started to feel like it was your own cute little corner. You had a dozen random colored aprons from your friends/family that you worked in hung up nicely on the walls, a few pictures of you and the roommates on your summer trip to Rosario last summer, love notes left from Theo and Zoë when they came in and you couldn’t go out to make them their coffees because the back was crazy. It still could use a couple more pictures to fill the space but at the moment it was cute enough for you. You smiled while you put your keys and your purse into your locker underneath it and pulled out your phone to put into your apron when you decided a quick look through your social media’s before starting the shift would be needed. 

Theo had already sent you posts to look at on insta and it seemed like Kevin had mentioned you on twitter before he went to bed when you left. You opened your Instagram after you tied your apron on and low and behold, Tom was on the top of the page. he had the newest Instagram story of everyone you followed.

Guess we’re doing this early, you though in your head. You sighed while you clicked the profile and thought about how you were gonna message him and not seem weird. Hopefully it wasnt a gym selfie or a shirtless picture because that would be too awkward to follow with a message. Hey, I noticed you aren’t wearing a shirt and that I do not know you. Hope you’re doing well.

But it wasn’t a shirtless selfie. He had posted a picture of a very sad looking round of dough in a bowl. “Attempt #3 to this whole baking thing, my pizza dough doesn’t seem to be rising 🤨” he had written underneath it. You clicked to the next slide. Same sad looking round of dough.

“Been two hours, and not any growth. Someone help me 😐” was written in red. Homie was basically begging for your help. This was also a way to sneak in the “hey I dunno you but you added me, no problem to I’ll just let myself out haha🙂” that you were looking for. Realistically, this was your opening for you to casually let the guy know the mistake and roll out looking like a normal human being and help him make pizza. Foolproof. You hit the message button and began to type.

Hey. I think you added me to your close friends list on accident? While I do know how to to make a mean pizza, not sure we know eachother irl haha. As for your dough, if you added yeast to your dough and it’s still not rising, your yeast might be dead 😕 could be expired yeast, or the water you used for the recipe was too hot and killed the yeast. just switch out to warm water instead if that’s the case. Hope It helps!

After reading it a couple times and deciding it didn’t sound too cringe, you sent it.

“There. I did it. Back to our regularly scheduled program.” You told yourself and started your morning setup for the day. As you started to get into the groove of the day time seemed to have a mind of its own and before you knew it, it was time for your lunch break. You were ready for a break after running from the front and back of the house continuously to help with customer service and coffees when needed, and then running back to finish off baking your breakfast items for the day. You had left a water bottle and some leftovers from dinner the day before in the communal lunchrooms fridge and had made your way to the back to get it. Fishing out your phone from your pocket, the screen illuminated and you noticed some notifications pop up. The roommate group text had left a whopping 12 text messages, the apartment had awakened you joked to yourself. Some snapchats from friends and from an ex-boyfriend you weren’t sure you even wanted to open, notifs that your tweet was retweeted a couple times, 2 message notifications from TomHoll-

“OH SHIT!” You yelled as you dropped your food container and almost your phone on the ground. He wrote back. HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK HE WROTE BACK. TWICE?! WHY TWICE?! You wanted to hide, but why it’s not like he could see you through the screen. Why did you out yourself again?! What was the reason you snitched in yourself?! From the notifications details it had looked like he had written you once two hours ago and then another time 46 minutes ago. You wanted to open it but you also wanted to log off of Instagram forever and pretend you weren’t who you were. You screenshotted your notifications just as evidence for yourself that this was really happening and then decided to quit being such a wimp and open the damn messages. There was a green dot on the bottom of his profile picture before you opened his messages. He’s online right now. Great. Totally awesome. He probably sees I’m online too. I’m fucked, you thought in your head. You opened the message convo.

Hey, totally sorry about that, my brother must have added you when he started the group for me, hope my random stories didn’t bother you too much 😅 and thanks for the tips, think it could have been that the water I added was much too hot, maybe fourth times the charm haha. x

and the last message

started over (again) on my dough and added warm (not hot) water instead like you said and I think she’s alive! She seems a bit dry in the bowl but she is growing, so thanks again. I just may have a veggie supreme pizza in my future 😊 x

You were shook. Okay he was a normal person, you knew that. But to write you twice and thank you? And to be so casual about it even though he totally didn’t know you. He was super nice about it and then thanked you like you weren’t snooping on his life for the last 3 weeks. He was much too nice, and he wrote back twice to update you, it seemed rude to not write back now. You double tapped the last message and decided to just keep it to the pizza at hand and keep it short and sweet. Play it COOOL BITCH!

No worries, thought I’d let ya know. You can punch down the dough and spray it with a mist of water, should bring her back to life. Longer you let it proof the more flavor it’ll have, so don’t worry about deflating it. Do put a wet rag over the bowl to help keep your dough moist though, it’ll help it grow if the towel if warm too btw. I wish you luck in getting that (pizza) bread 🍕🍞

“Get that pizza bread? Ugh, why am I like this?” You said as you contemplated telling your roommates. Last time you told them about it they totally did a 180 on what you thought they would say, so maybe this time you should just keep this weird bread conversation with a well known actor to yourself. This was probably the end of it anyways, he’d finish his pizza and go back to not knowing who you were. Though you did worry about if he had sneaked a look at your page when he got your message and seen all of your posts, that you were highly critical of at the moment. A lot of questionable posts now that you though about it. If you were him, you would have clicked on the page almost immediately to get a look at the person snooping on your life.

When he first got the message he was confused as to who it would be, he didn’t recognize the photo or the username. And then he read the message and realized he didn’t recognize it because he did not know this girl.

“Harry you absolute div.” he muttered to himself while he jumped onto her page. Harry had told him he’d make him a close friends list like he had for his page since Tom wasn’t that great at Instagram, and in the process he seemed to have added this girl on accident. He had hoped she wasn’t someone shady and he thought back to some of the things he had recently posted and cringed. There was no new gossip or media info as of late leaking about him in the tabloids so it seemed like this girl didn’t run to press with all of his private stories. He had been drunk one too many times on that close friends group that she could have easily screen recorded and sent out to daily mail or whatever shit tabloid would pay for it.

He scrolled down to look at her pictures.

Cute girl.

American girl, a California girl to be exact. Not LA but San Diego. LA girls were a different breed and a no-no in his experience but this girl wasn’t a LA girl. Her pictures were too casual for that. Picture of her and her friends at a bar, picture of her and her dog walking on the beach, picture of her at what looked to be her job;a bakery. A mirror picture in some badly lighted bar restroom with a friend, both with smiles on their faces and a drink in their hands. She was wearing a a yellow floral wrap summer dress with a pair of wayfarer styled reading glasses. Even in the dingy mirror and the bad bar bathroom lighting she was attractive and seemed laid back. He had already written back to her to say sorry but now here he was on her page looking at her pictures, hoping he didn’t accidentally double tap anything. He had remade his pizza dough the way she suggested and now it was growing, surely it wouldn’t be bad if he wrote to her once more to let her know it worked? He sent another message and tried to work on some emails his publicist had begged him to look into while he messaged Harry on Instagram.

You added a random girl on my close friends list ya div. poor girls probably seen me drunk atleast a handful of times. 😑

Harry immediately typed back.

...but is she cute bruv? send me the username if so, your chance is ruined but I could make a move 👀

He ran a hand through his hair and thought of all the ways to insult his younger brother when the alert of another message came in. She had written back with a corny ‘get that bread joke’ with the emoji and all. He smiled and double tapped her reply. She had a cute personality. He went back to his drying out dough and reworked it as said and followed her instructions once again. He was feeling bold, so he decided to write her again.

Honestly, what would I have done without you today? You saved me with your baking skills and for that I am eternally grateful. Will possibly send you a picture of the final pizza pie once Its finished. 👨🏻‍🍳 x

It immediately had the words ‘seen’ written underneath his message and his eyes widened. She double tapped the message and was writing back, so he quickly jumped out of the message. He didn’t want her to know he was sitting there waiting for a response to his bad lowkey flirting, that would just be embarrassing. Maybe it wasn’t so bad though, that his dumb little brother had accidentally added her, he had thought to himself as her message appeared.

Sounds good Gordon. Or Mr.Ramsey, my apologies.

He smiled when he read the message and you yourself had a smile on your face after sending it. Very cheeky, you thought. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself about the situation you had just put yourself in. You just had a message conversation with Tom and you actually kept your chill and didn’t make that much of a fool of yourself. He probably couldn’t even tell you were having a mental breakdown from him writing to you. As you got back into the groove of work it seemed as though the rest of your work shift went by just as quick as the beginning of the day from how busy the bakery had been, and now you had just cleaned up and hopped back into your car to go home. Theo had texted you asking what you wanted for dinner and you had just texted him back when you got an another message alert from your phone. It was a picture. It was his finished produced, all baked and pretty, veggie supreme like he had said. It looked as though he has even brushed the crust with olive oil, bonus points for that. 

“The finished product, tastes as good as she looks 🍕🤤” he had sent to you. Just you. Tastes....as good as she looks.....LOL.

“You could say that again Spidey.” You said while you put your seatbelt on and turned on your car. You liked the picture and saw he had yet another story on his page. You clicked it. It was a boomerang of him pulling a slice from the whole pie to bring to his mouth, a picture worthy melty cheese stretch and all combined with him looking just as good as the pizza. “Call me Gordon👨🏻‍🍳🍕” it was captioned. It was posted on his close friends list this time and you couldn’t help but notice, you were still on that list.