#(also this is written in incredible Joel Voice)

[heartpascal]

weight too heavy to hold alone

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader

▹— summary: joel’s life in jackson is much more complicated than he thought it would be

▹— a/n: HEY. im not back just yet but thought i’d drop in to give yall this idk!! just something ive been working on between revision yk. hope you enjoy!

▹— warnings: angst, references to death of a child, references to past trauma (very brief, very vague reference, barely there), comparisons to dead daughter (but IS written as gender neutral i think, just behaviour wise), feeling unwanted and unloved

▹— tags: @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @erensloveinterest @dazedshoon @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @sleepygraves @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @ilybbg @rvjaa @oliest19xx @pedropepsi  @sunflowersdrop @truthfuleeyours 

MASTERLIST

howl’s song recs

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

It was meant to be a temporary thing, that was what Tommy had told Joel. It was the whole reason he had agreed, the whole reason he had relented to having you in his new home, sharing a room with Ellie just down the hall from his own. 

Joel should’ve known, really. His and his brother’s versions of temporary were incredibly different, much like night and day, water and oil, hot and cold. Where Joel’s idea of temporary was a few days, at most, Tommy’s was, apparently, a couple of months. But what could he do? You were already here, already settled in on your side of Ellie’s room, with a mattress upon the floor and the bag filled with your things set beside it. 

The first few days, Joel had been so on edge he couldn’t sleep, waiting for the moment Ellie made a peep, made the slightest inclination of being uncomfortable in your presence. He was half waiting for you to full-blown attack the two of them, after all, it wouldn’t have been the first time such things had happened to him and Ellie. 

But you never did. 

Your presence eventually became so… quiet that it was unnoticeable. You would leave the house before Joel and Ellie even thought about waking up, and would only return when they were either busy eating dinner, or already fast asleep in bed. It seemed like you did your absolute best to avoid the two of them.

It was only when he jumped up from his dozing, hearing the faint murmur of Ellie’s voice down the hall, that he clocked on to your presence again. Perhaps it was wrong, morally, for Joel to have crept down the hallway, shiv clutched in an untrusting hand, but who could’ve blamed him? He had done everything in his power to protect Ellie for a long time, by then. And he’d agree that you were young, that he was too harsh, but he’d already lost a daughter once. He wasn’t keen to go through that again.

The shared laughter was what stopped his hand from reaching towards the doorknob. It was quiet, and suddenly Joel was back in his thirties, listening to Sarah and her friends snicker and whisper in her bedroom, the door slightly ajar just to appease him. It had been nearing midnight, back then, Sarah’s birthday coming to a close, and it had also been the first time he had allowed her to have girls and boys over. 

He blinked, and came back to the reality of where he was, of what he was holding, of who was on the other side of the door. Joel had only listened for a moment longer, another shared giggle making the tension slide from his shoulders, and it wasn’t long before he was back in his own room, door ajar, shoving the shiv underneath flannels in a shoddy chest of drawers. 

Joel could remember that it wasn’t too long after that night that you had joined him and Ellie for dinner, for the very first time. It had been an awkward affair, and it reminded him of the first few times he and Ellie had shared a proper meal together in their new home. You were vaguely uncomfortable the entire time, shooting Ellie looks that you didn’t know he had noticed. Her only response was a snicker, though Joel would’ve guessed from the thunk underneath the table that you had placed a well-aimed kick against her shin. 

Still, after dinner, you spoke to him for one of the first times. There had been the introduction when Tommy had brought you over, of course, but this was willing on your end. “Thank you,” You had told him, though didn’t make eye contact. “For dinner, and well, yeah.” 

He had nodded at you, a tense smile on his lips, but it was a friendly gesture. Or, as friendly of a gesture as Joel could muster. He remembers the way you had scurried up the stairs almost immediately after, having stuck around only to help clean up and give your thanks. 

You started joining them for dinner more after that, though Joel had the suspicion that the first half a dozen times were at Ellie’s command. But with time, and some patience, you warmed up to him just as you had to Ellie. You spoke more, asked more questions, even cracked a few jokes that he was sure you had gotten from one of Ellie’s books. It surprised him how… relieved he was to see the break in your awkwardness. 

It had been the first time Joel had seen you with Tommy outside of when he had dropped you at his and Ellie’s that he realised you had a lot more warming up to do than he had thought. There you were, walking at Tommy’s side, chatting animatedly, hands flying around in gestures, face lit up like Joel had never seen before, and all the while Tommy only shook his head, fond smile on his face. There was a certain warmth on Tommy’s face that Joel had only seen when his little brother had been looking at his newborn child, and he couldn’t help but wonder why he had dropped you off at Joel’s if he felt that way? If he saw you as his own?

He tried to ask him those very questions more than once, but each time he found himself somewhat afraid of the answer he’d receive. Joel knew his little brother had always looked up to him, after all, that tends to happen when you practically raise the kid, but after everything… Joel found that he didn’t think he could live up to Tommy’s expectations of him any longer. Maybe, even if Joel would never admit it out loud, he didn’t want to see Tommy realise he couldn’t live up to the idealised version of himself his little brother saw him as. 

It was already hard enough with having Ellie — the weight of everything he had lied to her about was tangible, an iron fence putting distance between the two of them. He tried to ignore it. Ellie did, too, but the truth was that she had lost some amount of trust in him. He saw it in the crease of her brows when they spoke, the slant of her lips when he left for patrol, hell — even in the way her gaze changed when she looked at him. It was like she saw somebody she didn’t quite recognise.

Joel felt like he was fighting a losing battle. He’d steel himself before dinners, he’d harden his features before coming home from patrols, he’d even lock himself in his little studio. And yet each time he saw you, there was an unmistakeable softness brought to his features, reminiscent of how it felt to look at Ellie. Each time you would come to him for help, he’d remind himself that he couldn’t be the person that everybody needed him to be. He’d remind himself that he would never — could never — be the person you so clearly wanted him to be. 

Because it was more than obvious. Joel wasn’t blind, even if his sight wasn’t what it used to be. He could see it in the way you looked to him for help, in the way you’d heed his advice like you never doubted he could be wrong about something. It was clear in the way you looked at him, like he had the ability to carve the world into whatever he desired, like he possessed a strength you didn’t. You looked at him as if he could save you, and the truth was that Joel couldn’t even save himself. 

He was an old man, a foolish man. Joel drowned in guilt he had brought upon himself, liquid a kind of heaviness that settled into his aged lungs. When he looked at you, he saw Sarah. He saw the resemblance in the way the both of you looked out for him — where Sarah had often cooked breakfast, you scraped together some form of dinner when he was on a late patrol, where Sarah had forced vitamin-rich drinks into his hand, you placed painkillers — that must’ve cost a fortune to trade for — on the kitchen counter when he hurt his knee on a patrol. He saw it in the way you looked up to him, the way you believed in him, and it’s like a mirror image of the night his life went to ruin. A reflection of his daughter dying in his arms each time you looked to him for safety. 

What could he provide? What could Joel provide that Tommy couldn’t? Hell — that anybody couldn’t? Perhaps, he wondered, the guarantee of disappointment. 

“So,” Tommy started one night, sat by his side at the small bar in town, eyebrows raised as he held a glass of twenty-two year old bourbon. “How’s life with the kid? Handlin’ two kids?”

Joel vividly remembers his response, despite his lowered tolerance for alcohol and the multitude of glasses he’d had that night. “You ever gonna get that kid a new place? Not my responsibility to look after your goddamn strays, y’know.” His voice had been gruff, harsh. He thinks, looking back on it, that it digs the pit of regret in his stomach deeper.

“They givin’ you trouble, or something?” Tommy had asked, all furrowed eyebrows then, an expression of something close to disbelief on his face. “Been a good kid, as long as I’ve known ‘em.” 

“They’re a good kid, alright, just not my kid.” Joel had replied, scornfully. It was a low blow, he knew now, but he could remember the pounding in his chest, blood rushing through his ears, when he heard you yell out one night. It had been a bad dream, not that you’d admit to it, but Joel was familiar. He could’ve sworn his heart was going to stop that night, the way adrenaline rushed through him, the way he had leaped from his bed as if expecting to have to defend you and Ellie from an onslaught of attackers. 

Tommy scoffed in response, and he had averted his eyes, looking away from his older brother as he took a sip of the alcohol that was warming his veins. “Y’know what? I’ll get ‘em a new place, and when it breaks their goddamn heart, I’ll let ‘em know the reason why you wanted them out. Not my kid.” Tommy had shaken his head, and had bid him goodnight soon after. Joel remembers drowning the sting the conversation left him with using decades-old booze. 

Now, Joel can pretty confidently say that Tommy hadn’t been looking to get you a new place until that conversation. It wasn’t more than a few weeks after that that you came home with a frown marred across your face, returning much later from canteen-duty than usual. He had been walking to the hall to grab his boots when you had gotten in. 

Your expression had only deepened further as you practically stomped into the house, kicking your unlaced boots off in the hallway. “You alright, kiddo?” Joel had asked, brows creased, and he remembers the way the movement reminded him of his younger brother. 

“’M fine.” You had muttered out, all stormy expression and blunt words. Joel only tilted his head at you. “Tommy stopped by, said they’re gettin’ me a new place across town. Nearby the school.” You had told him, and your expression was almost hopeful as you waited for his response. 

“Oh,” Joel had uttered, expression blank for a moment as he nodded his head, almost mindlessly. “Well, that’s good, right?” He responded, eyes studying you almost cautiously. If he hadn’t been looking, he probably would’ve missed the way your face dropped at his response, as if you had been hoping for him to say something else. Instead, you had let out a quiet scoff, before stomping away with a ‘sure’ said lamely back to him. Joel had looked after you, face plastered with confusion, but his mind had known, even back then, the reason for your disdain. Instead of going after you, of saying anything more on the matter, Joel had foolishly just wiped a hand across his face, and had murmured, “Teenagers.” 

For the days after that, you seemed withdrawn but hopeful, as if Joel would finally voice what you had been waiting to hear. He didn’t see much of Ellie, who had made more friends her own age, including some girls named Dina and Cat. Apparently, you weren’t in on that friendship. Which had left you at the house with him, the crease between your brows getting deeper each time things remained silent. 

Still, Joel was firm. This was what was meant to happen all along. You were never meant to be a permanent fixture of their lives. 

So when the day was finally upon them, Joel accompanied you and his younger brother to your new place, carrying your backpack over one of his shoulders. He had tried to ignore the itchy, uncomfortable feeling in his chest. 

“It’s a nice place.” Joel had commented, when the silence stretched for far too long, looking around the studio-like bungalow. It was a converted garage, much like what Ellie was going to have in his back yard, whenever the team could help Joel finish converting it. He was almost surprised when Tommy brought them here, however. For whatever reason, Joel hadn’t thought about the fact that you’d be living alone. 

“Yeah, it’s great.” You responded flatly, picking at the cover on what was meant to be your new bed almost absently. Joel dropped your backpack beside the door, nodding his head as he took it all in. You tried not to scoff. “You know Joel, I think it’d be better for me to settle in. Alone.” You said, voice just a step away from miserable, expression blank as you looked at him, at the way he nodded his head, seemingly resigned to this conclusion. 

“Sure thing, kid.” Joel sighed out, looking back in when he was stood in the doorway. He tapped his knuckles against the doorframe, opening his mouth to say something, but stopping before anything came out. Instead, he had just nodded, leaving with his hands in his pockets. 

He returned to a quiet house, Ellie once again somewhere in town with Dina and Cat, having missed your moving day. Joel quickly found that the silence, the emptiness in the house, was uncomfortable. He hadn’t truly realised just how used to your presence he had gotten. Still, this was for the best. Joel didn’t need another kid on his hands. He’d failed more than once, and that was telling enough. He still couldn’t figure out why Tommy had brought you to him in the first place!

Joel didn’t see you for two days afterwards, though he had asked about you, cornering Tommy and demanding to know how you were settling in. It was unsettling when Tommy had only shrugged, expression harsh and unforgiving. 

When he finally did see you again, it was at the Tipsy Bison, where he was sipping at amber liquid, waiting for his younger brother to finish talking to someone down the other end of the bar. “Joel!” You called out, immediately drawing his attention. He stood from the stool he had been sat on, brows creased in concern, drink abandoned on the wooden bar top. 

“Everythin’ alright?” He asked, confused and concerned all at once. 

“No!” You yelled immediately, seemingly outraged by his question, your features practically collapsing in on themselves. You pointed an accusatory finger at him, and he didn’t miss the way your hands trembled. “You asked them to move me!” You accused, and Joel quickly realised that this was the first time he had seen you outwardly upset. Every other time, your expression had been made of stone, voice cautiously flat. Now, here, your features were like clay, looking as if you had reshaped them over and over, trying to resist the slant of sadness that took over them. There was a distinctive gloss across your eyes, shining and trembling as you tried to force the tears away. “Admit it, Joel! You wanted me gone and you didn’t have the guts to tell me.”

Joel sighed, rubbing his fingers across his brows, pinching at the bridge of his nose. He glared across the bar at where Tommy was observing, false innocence on his face. He was quick to notice that Tommy wasn’t the only one watching, eyes on the two of you as you waited for his response expectantly. “Kid, it was always a temporary thing. You knew that.” He said, hands on his hips as he shifted his stance. 

Clearly, that wasn’t the response you wanted to hear, your features falling further, crumpling downwards, and Joel frowned. “It’s not fair.” You said, voice breaking off halfway through, and you swiped your sleeve across your nose, rubbing tears away from your eyes with your fingertips. 

“Life ain’t fair, kid, that’s the truth of it.” Joel responded, looking at your face as if your expression held answers to a question he hadn’t asked. “I’m sorry. But you got your own life now, your own place, you can live however you want. Doesn’t sound like a bad deal to me.” 

“I don’t want any of it.” You told him, brows furrowed, the crease between them so deep that Joel was sure it was going to become a permanent fixture of your face. His own frown deepened when you blinked and tears marred your cheeks. “It’s not fair,” You repeated, hand outstretched as if you were reaching for him. “Why do I have to be alone?” You asked, and Joel’s face fell, clearly not expecting that question. 

Tommy chose that moment to intervene, stepping in between you and Joel, glancing back at his older brother before focusing his full attention on you. He murmured words that Joel could only presume were reassurance. Joel noticed Tommy’s guiding hand on your shoulder as he led you out of the bar, neither of you glancing back. He ignored the stares on him as he turned back to the bar, finished his drink, and left, going home. 

He encountered the two of you just down the street, sharing quiet words that seemed harsh even from a distance. Joel thought about turning back, but found himself approaching cautiously. 

“Everythin’ alright?” Joel repeated his earlier question, hands outstretched when the two of you turned to him, the setting sun throwing a shade of orange across both of your faces. You openly glared at him, eyes squinted in a show of unrelenting anger, or maybe, more accurately, hurt. 

“Go back inside, Joel.” Tommy told him, sounding nothing short of exasperated between dealing with you and dealing with Joel. He sounded tired, too. “Better yet, go home!” 

“Listen,” Joel sighed, trying to reach some form of a truce. You cut him off when he opened his mouth to continue. 

“No, Joel, Tommy’s right. Go home. I’ve heard enough.” You said, almost scoldingly, and Joel felt as if he was talking to Sarah again, as if it was her telling him off for something. He tried not to think of that last night, of the cake he’d forgotten, of the watch she’d gifted him, but a glance down it said watch reminded him of his failures. “I’m not your kid, remember?” You reminded him, throwing the words he’d said to his brother back in his face. At least this time, Tommy had the idea to look somewhat guilty for telling you that tidbit of information. 

Joel frowned at you, cursing himself for his past words. He didn’t want to hurt you. Hell, that was the whole reason he wanted you gone! Joel was trying to protect you from him, from his inevitable failure. He had never really considered that perhaps this was his failure, that perhaps isolating you to a garage apartment on the other side of town was him failing you. 

You stared at him, feeling that bricked up wall around your heart reforming, a promise in the back of your mind forming, a promise that said you wouldn’t let yourself be hurt again. “Go home.” You repeated, the words bitter on your tongue, a thought so sharp in your mind appearing that you physically flinched. Why couldn’t Joel understand? He was the only semblance of home you’d ever had, and he had taken that way from you. You thought that for once, you had found somewhere that you belonged, that you had found people who wanted you around, but you were wrong. Nobody wanted you around. At least that much was clear, at least you could be sure about that one thing. 

When you had gone to Tommy all those months ago, your chest empty, tears staining your face, you hadn’t trusted his promise that Joel and Ellie would be good for you. You had been so determined to prove him wrong that you had avoided them, had fled the house more than once just to stay away from the two of them. It was horrible, at the start, it was suffocating. Living in a home that wasn’t yours, intruding on a father who wasn’t your own, a daughter who could never be your sister. To begin with, it had been the most isolated you had ever felt. 

Up until that night that it all changed, where you and Ellie had laughed until you cried, sharing jokes and stories just to make one another laugh. It had taken a deeper turn from there, to sharing your experiences in the world that strived to end you. You told Ellie things that you had never told anyone, not even Tommy, certainly not Joel, and she had trusted you with things from her journey with Joel in return. Her voice was coloured with warmth when she spoke of him, though it got more despondent when she got to more recent events. Still, it was that very warmth that eventually caused you to relent to her dinner requests. 

And then, finally, you had taken to joining them for dinner without being prompted. 

You can remember speaking to Tommy about the two of them, about how things had started looking up, about how he may have been right about Joel and Ellie being good for you. Hell, you can remember seeing Joel from the corner of your eye as you told Tommy about becoming closer to Ellie, about a story she had told you. 

Now, you wish Tommy would’ve just left you in the state you were pre-Joel and Ellie, because it would have been better than this. It was an all-encompassing ache that surpassed being purely physical. It bled poison deep into your soul, like acid crumbling the pieces of happiness that had begun to sew back together. It hurt. At least before, you knew that the pain wasn’t your fault, that it couldn’t have been. This pain, however, came from your very roots. You had been unequivocally you whilst with Joel and Ellie, and it had come back to bite you. You can’t help but wonder if, just maybe, you had kept to yourself, if you hadn’t immersed yourself in a life that didn’t belong to you, you would’ve avoided this pain. Because the reason Joel kicked you out was because it was you. That was the only explanation. After all, he kept Ellie around, and she wasn’t his kid in the same way you weren’t.

“Kid…”

“I’m not your kid, Joel. Go home and leave me alone. I don’t wanna say it again.” You responded, firm, voice bordering on trembling. Joel watched, with some amount of confusion, as you turned to Tommy, bearing your teeth at him like it would push him away. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.” 

Tommy flinched as if the words were a physical blow, and you missed the betrayed look he gave Joel as you stormed away, walking with purpose towards your garage apartment, where you lived alone. Always alone. From this experience, you could safely say you were ready for it to stay that way.

[autisticmao]

GENRE: angst - zombie apocalypse hinted au

FEATURED: etho (mentioned)

WARNINGS: death, ooc

PROMPT: and at last, the world let's him rest.

WORD COUNT: 347

"We did it, Etho." A quiet chuckle leaves deep from within Joel's throat. His voice sounding scratched and quiet to the point that the simple winters breeze was far louder than his tone.

"We've made it out... after so many years." A lopsided grin rests on his facial features. His expression wrecked with exhaustion. Mud and other such grime covered the skin that he let's show to the cold air.

From where he stood in the set of woods, he let's himself fall flat onto his back. Puffs of snow flutter up to mix with the mote and then flurry back down all around Joel's figure.

His umber coloured eyes glance towards the sky.

The only colour to be seen was white. White clouds and white snow. Huffs of condensation left between the thin gaps of his lips, also coloured a faded white. If Joel wasn't so delirious in his state right there, he probably would have complained about how there was too much white.

It's a bright and irritating colour. It shined brighter than the sun. It shined far more than all the stars combined together in a painting. The colour white was horrendous.

His focus then reeled towards the rounded stone dug into the woods mudded floors. He reaches one hand up to it, twisting his wrist in an awkward way as he attempted to swipe some of the snow away, just about seeing engraved letters written into the stone.

It held Etho's full name, albeit messily, but it was still quite easy to read, even after many years of it being carved into the grey earthly piece.

"The apocalypse is over, Etho." He twists his body to laying onto his side, sliding himself closer to the engraved stone. His eyes begin to close.

"I can finally join you on the other side."

He curls his knees in towards his chest, one hand still grazed against Etho's name on the stone, his body coming to a halt, he let's his grin slide into a small, weak smile.

Joel's voice becomes incredibly quieter.

"See you soon."

//kytori stop killing the boat boys challenge. (i fail)

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol. 10

Hi babies!!

Can't believe this is the TENTH week of TSD. I really love sharing what I read with y'all (even if it's lowkey embarrassing to admit how much smut I read in seven days). This week I branched out to a Pedro Boy I don't usually read AND I read a couple different series that like... changed my life.

Fic recs below the Pedro ;)

The last great american dynasty - a Joel one shot by @proxima-writes (part of the Folklore Anthology)

I love love love old homes and I also did a research project in college that involved reading historical letters so this was all just a really cool premise for me. Add in the snarky reader and grumpy joel and it's just heaven on earth for me.

Muddy Waters - a Joel / Ezra series by @bonezone44

This is like... weird. It gives me an eerie feeling. And that is such a fucking compliment btw. I am obsessed. The way you've written Ezra is so fucking interesting (and creepy). Love me a murder boy <3 And reader is really fascinating too ugh. This is so cool. (thanks toxic for pointing me to this w your rec ahhhh).

Bunny - a Javi P two shot by @whatsnewalycat

Obsessed with the premise here. Phone sex operator to get through school?? sign me up. The little Dale Gribble moment was delightful and then it's followed up by incredible phone sex with Javier. And then!!! Part TWO we get professor Javi, which is unfairly hot and the recognition from the voice and just.... oh my god it is everything. I mean this is just the perfect set up for dirty talk and boy does Javi have a mouth on him.

LJ's Bangathon - a Pedro Boys... bangathon? by @prolix-yuy

Every single one of these is incredible. I'm especially partial to the Oberyn x Sit on the Throne one because like... murder + dub con vibes and neither in the way you'd expect. I also adored Jack and Marcus Pike. Their dynamic was so good UGH. Anyway they're all amazing and you should read them.

Learning to Live - a Javi P series by @wheresarizona

This fucking fic is ruining my life. I've been completely consumed with it all week. I can see how a casual viewer of Narcos would say it's OoC for Javi, but I actually think it's kind of genius. Throughout the show you get all these slight glimpses into Javi's true nature: soft, sweet, caring, passionate, gentle... but he's so wrapped up in and beat down by everything in Colombia that he has to be an asshole or he won't fucking survive. The post-show Javi who is ready to start letting all that go is so fucking wonderful to see and I love that Cielito gets to help bring that out of him. The little moments of reconnecting with his family and remembering his mom bring me to tears. The long speeches in Spanish are just so lovely. If you need something to make you weak in the knees and a little teary eyed this is it. Passionate, adoring, filthy, gorgeous smut sandwiched between beautiful little moments of fluff and just the right amount of angst. Me encanta esta historia <3

With or Without You - a Javi P/Frankie series by @jksprincess10

Frankie is so adorable and sweet in this. He just wants to make reader feel good and he also wants to please Javi ugh. And reader is so mischievous getting Javi to do what she wants ahhhhh. And of course our dominant little Javi P is wonderful in this. Fucking top tier smut, Nad. We all know I love a MMF threesome fic lmao.

this is me trying - a Joel one shot by @swiftispunk

This is such a sweet platonic Joel and Ellie fic ugh. I really love fics that explore their relationship post season 1 and like... Joel coming to terms with everything. I loved the set up (similar to his panic attack in episode 6 when he sees the girl by the tree) and I love how Ellie comforts him in her own quintessentially Ellie way. You can see the bond they have where she just kind of knows what to do and say instinctively and it makes me so happy. I see a lot of fics where Joel is trying to comfort Ellie or get her to stop hating him for what he did and it's just really nice to see a fic where Ellie comforts him instead.

take what you need darling - a Joel one shot by @iamasaddie

big thick dick daddy joel what more do you need?

punch the clock - a Javi P one shot by @deathwife

Listen this is exactly what would happen if I worked anywhere near Javier Peña. I would find a way to get him to come with me and I would also be a sassy lil bitch to him constantly. Not like it would be difficult to get Javi to come with pretty much anything with legs and wearing a skirt, but still.

I Can Feel Your Heartbeat - a Jack (Whiskey) series by @psychedelic-ink

Cowboy Jack Daniels is a character who begs to be written as a stripper and this fic delivered. He's hot and sweet and I love it. Part two is sexy as all hell and features clumsy as fuck reader (which is so me). And then it drops the ANGST on you. God I love this. I cannot wait for part three.

The Secret - a Marcus M series by @frannyzooey

This collection of drabbles about a much older Marcus Moreno sneaking into your dorm at night is so fucking hot, y'all. I don't read a whole lot of Marcus Moreno unless he's being sweetly seduced by my favorite piece of shit human, Dieter Bravo. So I clicked on this bc it's by one of my favorite writers and was rec'd by another of my favorite writers and... alright. I'm on the Marcus Moreno train. I get it. And the drabbles left me desperately wanting a full story... wishful thinking?

----------oldies but goodies-----------

Soft - a Dieter one shot by @mishasminion360

Home for the weekend - a Joel one shot by @loquaciousferret

Genesis - an Ezra series by @max--phillips (I'll kiss you if you write more)

Perfectly Intoxicating - a Javi P series by @gracieispunk

Es Tarde y Te Necesito - a Javi P one shot by @gar6agef1r3

Say My Name - a Javi P one shot by @palioom

I Only See Daylight - a Din series by @millersdjarin

A Fresh Start - a Din series by @theidiotwhowritesthings

----------my shit------------

Nothing new! I'm planning a little Javi P thing maybe? Based on my username... MAYBE! Do not get excited.

And maybe a lil Dieter thing based on Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan but again don't hold me to it I am useless most of the time.

-------------------------------------

Happy Reading <3

[stuff-diary]

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

Movies watched in 2023

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022, USA)

Dir: Joel Crawford (with Januel Mercado credited as co-director)

Writers: Paul Fisher & Tommy Swerdlow (story by Tommy Swerdlow & Tom Wheeler)

Mini-review:

My expectations for this were crazy high and, thankfully, it didn't disappoint at all. The story is incredibly emotional, the characters are richly written and the animation is... WOW. Every single shot of the movie is mind-blowingly stunning. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen for even a second. You can just see all the work, love and passion that went into making this film. And also, the story feels so refreshing and original. Like, from an objective point of view, I can tell it isn't that groundbreaking, but the way it's told did feel... new to me.

Another thing I want to highlight is the Wolf, cause I can't remember the last time I saw a villan that was so genuinely terrifying. The character's animation and voice work are pitch-perfect. I know the same can be said about the rest of characters, but this one was particularly striking to me. And going back to the story, I really loved its message and the way they brought all the plot threads/characters together at the end. To sum up, this movie stole my heart thanks to its story, its characters and the sheer beauty of its animation. Let's hope we get to see more stuff like that, but in the Far Far Away setting 👀

[thesunsethour]

my official ranking of (basically) every song by The Killers

(excluding remix versions and non-officially released covers. i treat live versions as separate entities to their studio counterparts)

(only the first 20 or so aren’t good. almost every song here is an absolute banger)

158. Goatsucker (objectively odd song, don’t think it was ever officially released)

157. Enterlude (wasn’t needed on the sam’s town album)

156. Exitlude (read above)

155. Get Trashed (”why is the beat made of sandpaper?” - my brother)

154. Who Let You Go? (repetitive)

153. Where The White Boys Dance (dull)

152. Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town (too country)

151. West Hills III (prefer the first version)

150. Mr Brightside - Original Demo (only so low because it’s in direct comparison to the actual Mr Brightside)

149. The Getting By IV (the killers released 5 versions of the getting by. this is the least best)

148. Replaceable (again, not sure if this was ever officially released)

147. I’ll Be Home For Christmas (feat. Ned Humphrey Hansen) (very emotional but very long)

146. Waiting For Love (sounds flat)

145. C’est La Vie (not tonally linked to the rest of the album)

144. Change Your Mind (probably the weakest song, lyrically, on Hot Fuss)

143. Under The Gun (now we’re reaching songs that are good. great bridge)

142. All The Pretty Faces (nice harmonies)

141. The Getting By V

140. Christmas in L.A. (feat Dawes) (this should be higher up but god the killers have so many good songs)

139. Leave The Bourbon On The Shelf (mention of the name Jennifer which I take to be the same Jenny as in JWAFOM)

138. Sweet Talk (people should listen to the sawdust album more)

137. The Ballad Of Michael Valentine (unfortunately this reminds me of P!ATD)

136. On Top (brandon’s voice sounds so young on Hot Fuss it’s mad)

135. I Feel It In My Bones (feat. Ryan Pardey) (more fun christmas charity song)

134. The Cowboy’s Christmas Ball (SO country it’s actually funny. bop)

133. Show You How (experimental)

132. ¡Happy Birthday Guadalupe! (feat. Wild Light and Mariachi El Bronx) (also featuring brandon speaking spanish! kinda)

131. Dirt Sledding (feat. Ryan Pardey and Richard Dreyfuss) (the killers have banger christmas tunes)

130. Move Away (”take your skin off when you listen to me” is an incredible line)

129. Ultraviolet (Light My Way) (U2 cover) (minus points because it made me think of bono)

128. A White Demon Love Song (this was on the twilight soundtrack)

127. Believe Me Natalie (mommy issues)

126. Four Winds (Bright Eyes Cover) (thumbs up from me)

125. Mona Lisas and Mad Matters (Elton John Cover) (bonus points for elton john)

124. Hotel California (Eagles cover) (banger)

123. Oh Yeah, By The Way (again, not sure if ever officially released)

122. Why Don’t You Find Out For Yourself? (fab guitar)

121. Questions With The Captain (bonkers)

120. A Great Big Sled (feat. Toni Halliday) (please listen to this for the HO HO HO’S. very funny)

119. My List (i love the pre-chorus of this song)

118. A Crippling Blow (cool vocals)

117. Joy Ride (the lyrics of the verses are fucking brilliant. chorus less so)

116. Peace Of Mind (slow and beautiful)

115. Why Do I Keep Counting? (daddy issues)

114. Goodnight, Travel Well (lyrics mention “flesh and bone” which is a song on the next album. insert coincidence, i think not! meme)

113. Joel The Lump Of Coal (feat. Jimmy Kimmel) (surprisingly emotional for a children’s christmas song)

112. Daddy’s Eyes (class vocals)

111. Zombie Hands (banger halloween song)

110. Spaceship Adventure (written for a kid’s show. still a bop)

109. The Getting By III

108. Joseph, Better You Than Me (feat. Elton John and Neil Tennant) (bonus points for elton john again)

107. Midnight Show (many Flowerisms in this song. Flowerisms = typical brandon flowers lyrics that i love)

106. The Getting By (why are there so many versions of this one song)

105. A Matter Of Time (worst song on Battle Born but still incredible)

104. When The Dreams Run Dry (i love the format of the verses)

103. Tidal Wave (great vocals again)

102. Running Towards A Place (i feel like i should apologise to Imploding The Mirage for the whole album being ranked quite low but theres just so many good songs)

101. Money On Straight (the word shit is uttered in this song, scandalous)

100. West Hills II (doesn’t hold a candle to the proper version of this song)

99. The Getting By II (feat. Lucius) ( i think this is the last version of TGB)

98. Blowback (i once thought this was a metaphor for a blowjob. its not)

97. Caution - Wasatch Style (not as good as Caution on its own)

96. Fire In Bone (I FELT UNKNOWN!!!!!!!!)

95. My God (feat. Weyes Blood) (brilliant chorus)

94. The World We Live In (this SHOULD be higher only for the live version is so so so so so so so much better)

93. Neon Tiger (i love the way brandon says reDEEM)

92. Blowback - Acoustic ( i love the piano at the end)

91. Imploding The Mirage (banger ending)

90. Boy (only released a few weeks ago and already a new favourite of mine. SO MANY flowerisms)

89. Shadowplay (Joy Division Cover) (again, this would be ranked higher but the live version is vastly superior)

88. Sam’s Town Live From Abbey Road 2006 (i hadn’t listened to this version before compiling this list and its lovely)

87. Boots (brilliant vibes, almost haunting)

86. Runaway Horses II (not as good as the first version)

85. Dustland (feat. Bruce Springsteen) ( @arcmonkeys may kill me for ranking a song with bruce springsteen so low but alas. there are better versions of ADF)

84. Dying Breed (incredible bridge)

83. Don’t Shoot Me Santa (feat. Ryan Pardey) (NO ONE ELSE is doing christmas songs like the killers. NO ONE)

82. Land Of The Free (beautiful & haunting protest song about gun violence and white supremacy in the US)

81. My Own Soul’s Warning (BUT MAN, I THOUGHT I COULD FLY)

80. Pressure Machine (feeling small from the vastness of the universe, brandon? same.)

79. Life To Come (just really beautiful)

78. Have All The Songs Been Written? (spoiler alert: no! flowers goes on to write two more albums and another is in the works)

77. Run For Cover (such a 2017 song)

76. The Man (brilliant to hear live but not my favourite on the WW album)

75, Out Of My Mind (bonus points for a paul mccartney mention)

74. Forget About What I Said (franz ferdinand vibes)

73. Bones (overflowing with flowerisms!!)

72. Just Another Girl (diana agron is in the music video. bonus points)

71. Smile Like You Mean It (you can tell how high the quality of the killers’ music is when a song this good is still quite far down)

70. Everything Will Be Alright (underrated as hell. this song got me through lockdown a couple years ago)

69. Andy, You’re A Star (brandon flowers wrote a song from the perspective of a gay teenager and yet somehow this song is still more gay)

68. Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll (not as good as the Sawdust version)

67. Caution (sad las vegas vibes baby! but upbeat this time!)

66. The Rising Tide (any mention of neon lights is a win for me)

65. Lightning Fields (feat. k.d. lang) (best song on ITM by a country mile)

64. I Can’t Stay (better live but still great)

63. Prize Fighter (i mean this with so much affection: the lyrics of this song are so stupid <3)

62. Carry Me Home (the morning dove sings with two broken wings...)

61. From Here On Out (jam)

60. Here With Me (we’re on a Battle Born roll at the moment)

59. In The Car Outside (INCREDIBLE lyricism)

58. Somebody Told Me (has a bisexual aperitif or whatever damon albarn said)

57. Rut (I’M NOT LIKE HER YOU’RE NOT LIKE THEM!!!)

56. Deadlines and Commitments (extremely underrated)

55. Quiet Town (so sad and haunting)

54. Bling (Confession Of A King) (perfect lyrics but far better live)

53. Runaway Horses (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) (bonus points for phoebe bridgers)

52. In Another Life (basically perfect from start to finish)

51. Uncle Jonny (banger)

50. Sam’s Town (once again, only ranked so low because the live version is so superior)

49. Some Kind Of Love (brandon sings with his kids at the end and its so precious)

48. Shot At The Night (oh god, our home has long been outgrown...)

47. Flesh And Bone (love the talking at the end)

46. Heart Of A Girl (daddy kink)

45. I Can’t Stay Live From The Royal Albert Hall (the encore at the end is so beautiful)

44. Somebody Told Me Live From The Royal Albert Hall (the whisper voice at the start of the second chorus oh yeah baby)

43. Be Still (slow and poetic and beautiful)

42. Battle Born (UP AGAINST THE WALL!!!!!!!)

41. Human (VERY iconic)

40. Human Live From The Royal Albert Hall (brandon flowers screams LONDONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN and it changed lives)

39. Mr Brightside (how can a modern day classic be down so low? because the killers are just THAT good, alright?)

38. Cody (brandon flowers is such a good storyteller)

37. Losing Touch (BUT YOU MADE YOUR WAY BACK HOME!!)

36. This Is Your Life (acab)

35. Romeo and Juliet (Dire Straits cover) (this cover is better than the original and i will never stand down from this opinion)

34. Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll - Sawdust Version (the superior version. also bonus points for the beatles refrence)

33. Runaways (”like a stumbling ghost i haunt these halls” is one of my favourite lyrics of all time)

32. Smile Lime You Mean It Live From The Royal Albert Hall (just a million times better than the studio version)

31. Sleepwalker (IT DOESN’T COME FROM WITHOUT, IT COMES FROM WITHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

30. Miss Atomic Bomb (worthy sequel to Mr Brightside)

29. When You Were Young (full of flowerisms + he doesn’t look a thing like jesus)

28. Losing Touch Live From The Royal Albert Hall (far prefer the pitched down instrumentals and the outro is fantastic)

27. Desperate Things (this song being so highly ranked must put me on an FBI list. but songs about murder are brilliant!)

26. A Dustland Fairytale (just incredible storytelling)

25. This River Is Wild (flowerisms + the way he says “i SHAKE a little”

24. Tranquilize (feat. Lou Reed) (all around fucking brilliant song. cain & abel reference, creepy children’s chorus, wonderful harmonies)

23. For Reasons Unknown (such emotive lyrics its stunning)

22. This Is Your Life Live From The Royal Albert Hall (you gotta be stronger than the story!!!! oh god, the narrative)

21. Tyson v Douglas (WW is such an underrated album this song is a banger)

20. Terrible Thing (possibly their saddest song... “barbed wire town of barbed wire dreams”...)

19. The Way It Was (i will fight anyone who says BB isn’t a strong album)

18. Shadowplay (Joy Division cover) Live From The Royal Albert Hall (WAITING FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU)

17. All These Things That I’ve Done (flowerisms + the iconic “i got soul but i’m not a soldier”)

16. Mr Brightside Live From The Royal Albert Hall (better live)

15. Wonderful Wonderful (when i saw the killers live for the first time they started with this and i ascended into heaven)

14. The Calling (bonus points for woody harrelson)

13. West Hills (every single line in this song is perfect)

12. Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine (first song on their first album and already SO good)

11. Read My Mind (probably the best song in the world, actually. flowerisms galore!)

10. Spaceman (just fucking incredible lyrics)

9. The World We Live In Live From The Royal Albert Hall (DAVID BRENT KEUNING ON GUITARS EVERYONE !!!!!!)

8. Bling (Confession Of A King) Live From The Royal Albert Hall (WHEN I OFFER YOU SURVIVAL, YOU SAY ITS HARD ENOUGH TO LIVE)

7. A Dustland Fairytale Live From The Royal Albert Hall (it feels so personal, so beautiful, and brandon’s voice sounds so much better live)

6. Spaceman Live From The Royal Albert Hall (call and answer bitches!!)

5. All These Things That I’ve Done Live From The Royal Albert Hall (I GOT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL BUT IM NOT A SOLDIER)

4. Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine Live From The Royal Albert Hall (LONDON. I SAID LOOOONDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN WHAT YOU GOT? 1 2 3 HA!)

3. When You Were Young Live From The Royal Albert Hall (SING ME A LULLABY, COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN)

2. Sam’s Town (Acoustic) Live From The Royal Albert Hall (the best change from studio to live. slow, soft and quiet and beautiful before the tempo builds up to absolute jam. I SEE SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM’S TOOOOOOOOOOOOWN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW)

1. Read My Mind Live From The Royal Albert Hall (the perfect version of the perfect song)

bless you, thank you. this better not crash my tumblr

[the-rotting-christ]

Ok bois time for a movie that frankly I'm mainly putting on for background while I read my quantum physics book, The Watcher (2000).

Movie with James Spader and Keanu Reeves, Spader being a detective who seems to be having a Bad Time and Reeves being a perverted serial killer targeting women.

Going into it frankly I find it a bit surprising that these actors are going into their respective roles. Out of the two the one to play a perverted serial killer with Issues I would have guessed would be Spader not Reeves. Not that I don't think they'll do poor jobs or anything, honestly glad they weren't type casted. Curious to see Reeves in a more antagonistic role, I've pretty much just seen him in good guy roles or morally grey.

From here on out it'll be a live blog I'll just be continuously updating

First off the early 2000s is really coming in strong in both the music and editing choices. It's edgy! He's edgy! He's dark and dangerous and emo! And in slow motion!

It kind of just seems like at this intro point they just said "Mr reeves could you do a weird little windmill dance with a gun in a room with candles while edgy music plays over?" And you know he did do that.

Hello Mr spader

I don't think they'll do this but if it's like, a double personality thing where it's actually spaders character and Reeves's was just a red herring, I will be upset. I don't think they'll do this but-

The editing is A Choice. Like I said very early 2000's. Not sure if it's good, not sure if it's detrimental to the movie.

I'm just gonna start saying Killer and Detective until I get a name for either.

I think Killers character would be a lot more effective if he was either a lot more goofy or a lot more intimidating. As is, he's kind of just a guy.

Mr detective is A Guy certainly. Eating an orange in perhaps the most deranged way.

Homoerotic tension? Maybe? I do love a good one sided homosexual codependency between a detective and criminal. This, we are only the way we are because of each other, the only person the other cares about for better or worse is the other, the only person who you can think about, the person you obsess about. It's good shit. Will my love of that trope be enough to enjoy this movie I have no clue.

It's still early but I think at the moment what I'm Predicting will continue to be my opinion is I think Killers character would work a bit better if the actor was either like, absurdly young and scrawny guy with incredible intelligence that would highlight the stark contrast that he's incredibly dangerous. But I think as is Reeves is just a bit too old for this edgy goofy killer mostly cause it feels like this was written for a teen.

I think he'd do better in a killer role if it was like, less audacious. Or at the very least less childish.

Joel we have name for detective

Something something killer is watching Joel like he watches the women he kills something something.

Ultimately I do think that in a general sense I think if they switched the actors for the roles they have I think it would have been a bit smoother, though in this case most of the issues seems to be with the writing and directing not the acting. Aside from the first concrete scene with Killer, reeves is doing good.

Mmmmm pancakes. Those looked good.

There's a lot of different editing and camera techniques going on that I'm a little surprised aren't grating. They're not sporadically placed, there's a pattern to it, it's consistent.

Killing them killing them killing them.

What a good cat!

Oh he pet the cat. What an unassuming cat.

He's got his time down pat. Right on nine on the dot.

Bitch do you not recognize his voice?

I also think Killer would be a lot more effective if when doing his killing if the editing didn't suddenly start playing like demonic noises and flashing lights. It undermines that it's just some guy.

"You notice me though don't you Joel?" Said as though he kicking his little feet twirling his hair. "Yeah I notice you" stahp

Dude did he fucking take the cat. Guess he's got a cat now.

Griffin. Ok we can call Killer griffin.

Griffin is in fact in love with Joel. Like, in love is not the right word. Obsessive in a somewhat sexual way id say.

What's his deal with dancing. And will he dance with Joel. Only time can say.

Playing it dangerous my my my is he. Oh Ho Ho. He just wants to see his friend in the fleash. Also to Get his therapist.

"Did you miss him?" Yesssss finally got another plot where they address how connecting hatred and how revenge can be so lustful in a way.

The music is a little over done me thinks.

Dude I Live in Chicago this is so wacky.

"Fuck you cop I don't know shit" ordinarily m a good response now however is not the time.

Good thinking Young Woman. Jessica, good thinking Jessica.

Car on fire. Neat.

There is time for this to change but I do wish there's been more interactions between Griffin and Joel.

Why would you broadcast that the detectives been hospitalized? Silly goofy.

Something something griffin going after the therapist because he wants Joel depending on him something something.

Bad gun etiquette, finger on trigger.

Face to face. Why now?

Brought beer, that's nice of him.

It is in fact insane for the detective to move to Chicago for this woman he was having sex with.

What a goofy fella.

"We're going to make it through this arent we Joel."

"You're like a brother to me" 🤨 eeeeeh

"I'm trying to have a conversation with you and you keep bringing work into this 😠 it's rude."

"What I need is you"

I do and fact think and will continue to think this is a smidge homosexual.

I want to meet the person that is scared of Keanu reeves dancing all emo like with a gun in a room full of candles. I need to know them.

"We need each other, we define each other"

"We need each other in order to give meaning to our lives"

Yeah man you gave him the gun don't know what you expected.

"Oh Joel you know me so well I can only kill her once."

"The mistake was turning your back instead of pouring everything you had into us."

This man is like wildly down bad for Joel.

"You're my job, you're paperwork" denial denial.

I think Joel should kiss griffin to distract him. Will he? No. But I believe. I believe in the power of imagination.

The fire effects are great no notes. It's not over exposed in the slightest.

Ok I stand by my earlier comment they really should have put more into the dynamic between Joel and griffin.

This was an alright movie. It was not Spectacular and was definitely a product of its time. Which everything is I suppose. Enjoyable but probably won't be rewatching anytime soon.

[the-hype-dragon]

writing is such an artistic thing like yeah you need to know the technical side just so you're not writing a complete trainwreck, but also you could write the most technically impressive book ever and it could still be a snoozefest and just outright bad if you also don't have an ear for dialogue or a grasp on character writing

so anyway like I'm not big on people who say oh the opening line has to like drop kick the reader or something, like ideally, yeah, you want to grab your readers' attention, but also. if the opening line is all your book has going for it, idk man. "oh yeah, Joel has a great grasp on grammar" I'm not sure if that's what you should be most concerned about when you're writing fiction. I don't know, I'm not saying grammar and technical stuff is unimportant; because yeah, trying to read something where the author doesn't know how to use punctuation is like being waterboarded, but also I've read really technically-skilled authors who just write bad books in general

anyway I feel like people who get real worked up about this are insecure as writers and might be projecting a little bit; and also yeah like I understand you took a couple creative writing courses in college, but that doesn't mean you're a good writer. idk. people who have a passion for writing aren't the ones out here talking about technical skills or how hard writing is, because usually when you love something that much it's not that hard to do it. and maybe if you ever find yourself thinking that writing sucks you're just not writing in the right genre for you, or maybe you really don't know what you're doing, in which case, go read a book and really think about what you liked about it and what you didn't like, and lay off reading writing advice from people who just want to tell you to go read Save the Cat, because depending on the genre, pacing and character writing are going to be quite different beasts and not everything has to be written as if it's meant to be adapted into a TV show or a movie

and anyway I find it telling people peddling this advice aren't really that interested in things like narrative voice or compelling character writing; much like how a person can be tone deaf when it comes to singing, I think a lot of people have a blind spot to this sort of thing and just don't pick up on it, and for whatever reason a lot of people just don't think this is important. honestly this last point is probably to do with the current state of things vis a vis art and artistry: why be an artist when you can be a content creator pumping out crap so you can make a quick buck. in which case, it doesn't matter if your writing is incredibly generic as long as it has a hook and is readable at a tenth grade level. but I think this is a big disservice to the art form

[202247249dci2022]

MEDEA and Oxford University BAME Drama Society.

INTRO

“(…) Euripides has had an incalculable influence upon all drama, indeed all literature.” [G. M. A. Grube (1941:6)][1]. This great influence has been given thanks to his works, which, initially, were presented at the Great Dionysia Festival. Of his works today we only have one satire, Cyclops, and nineteen tragedies left, among which we find Andromeda, Philoctetes, and/or Medea. Due to his tragedy’s popularity, plays like these are still performed in theatres today. Without going any further, in 2019, the Oxford University Drama Society performed Medea, a play written by Euripides in the year 431 BC.

PLOT

Medea is a tragedy that deals with themes such as revenge, betrayal, women, femininity, and exile, but it also deals with the idea of “The Other”. The representation of Oxford University adapted by Francesca Amewudah-Rivers follows this line, but it focuses more on the idea of “The Other”, since, according to what Francesca said referring to Medea (2018)[2]: "she's an outsider, and she's considered a "barbarian" (…). There are discussions of identity, belonging, and power structures. It's about the idea of otherness.” Moreover, it is crucial to highlight that it is the first BAME (Blac, Asian, and Minority Ethnic) play.

All this is represented in a work in which Medea is betrayed by her husband Jason. The revenge theme is clear since Medea murders her husband’s new wife, the daughter of the King of Corinth, and the King himself, Creon. Besides, she also murders her own children, leaving Jason with nothing and no one, and thus making him suffer.  

CHARACTERS, CAST, AND CHORUS

The acting carried out by the cast is impeccable. Within it, we find the actress Charithra Chandran, who plays Medea, Joel Stanley, who plays Jason, Karekin Johnson, who plays Aegeus, Michael Shao who voices Creon, and Jeevan Ravindran who plays Creon. In addition, as in Euripides' work, there is a chorus, which plays a crucial role in the entire story. It is made up of seven women with incredible voices. Moreover, it is essential to highlight the innovation in the choral pieces of the performance, where we find different featured songs, such as How Much a Dollar Cost by Kendrick Lamar, or Blinded by Your Grace, pt. 2 by Stormzy, which is mixed with the US slave anthem Wade In The Water.

SETTING AND COSTUMES

Regarding the staging, we find a stage illuminated by a single spotlight, which focuses on the centre, thus creating a key lighting point. In addition, we find trees that seem to be planted on the stage and a wooden "cage". The decoration is simple, which helps the viewer to be focused on the play itself. The costuming is also simple and representative. Medea and the chorus wear brown dresses, symbolizing Medea as another Corinthian woman. Jason is also dressed in brown pants and a shirt. However, Creon’s costume is the most elaborate one, a blue dress with golden details. Medea is the only one who changes costumes, this occurs in the scene where she kills her children. Although this part does not take place on stage, Medea appears with a red T-shirt and pants, thereby symbolizing her power and her murder. In addition, we must highlight the white paintings of the choir and of Medea. These are found in one half of the body and the face, thus simulating, and reminding us of the masks that were formerly used to represent these works.

MAIN DIFFERENCES

Comparing both works, we discover there are differences and innovations, some of which have already been mentioned. However, we also observe how Francesca has made a more concentrated version, making eight short scenes and four choral odes. This is achieved thanks to the removal of certain parts and characters from the original work, such as the tutor and the messenger. Besides, in the beginning, there is another difference, since the nurse's prologue is now represented by two women.  Later, instead of seeing the death of Creon and his daughter, a classic Indian dance performed by Creon symbolizes it. Finally, it is important to highlight that the work ends as it begins, with the two women who carry out the prologue, which brings the work to a complete close.

SCENE OF CONFLICT AND/OR IDENTITY

Throughout the tragedy certain scenes of conflict are observed, not only of Medea with herself, but also with other characters. In the same way, throughout the work we can see the "loss" of Medea's identity. For this reason, and in my opinion, one of the parts that fits into that "loss" of identity and into conflict at the same time, is the part that goes from Medea’s dialogue with Creon to the end of her discussion with Jason.

As just said, this scene takes place after Creon exiles Medea. Medea, at that point, has already lost everything, she has nothing left, and she even kneels before Creon to let her stay in Corinth, however this does not work, he does not come to his senses, but he does let her stay one more day (9:12-13:42). At minute 13:42 the nurse enters, and that is when Medea decides to carry out her revenge.

After that, the most remarkable thing is the phrase that Medea says: "women of Corinth forever existing in the shadows of men, we are the masters of manipulation (…)” By this phrase we can understand how Medea has been feeling for years, since because of a man, she left her homeland, fought against her father, killed her brother, and now, she would kill her husband's new wife, the king of Corinth, and her own children. In addition, with this phrase, she also intends to open the eyes of the women of Corinth, making them see that they can be whoever they want to be. In this way, this part is a clear example of feminism and women power.

But this does not end here, since later this scene, the chorus, with the song "No Man Is Big Enough for my Arms" by Ibeyi, confirms that Medea has always lived in the shadow of a man, letting us understand that she has never had her own identity.

It is also important to highlight the part that occurs in minute 17:09 "Lies they said, come and build. Lie! They said they wanted us. Lie, lie! We came to build upon the streets. Paved with Lies! We built our homes out of Unemployment and spit. We built our homes out of crooked backs factory air and tired feet. Lies lies!" This continuous alliteration of the word "lies" hints to the viewer that both, she, and the women of Corinth, have not only been living in the shadow of men but have also been deceived by them.

Moving on to the part where Medea argues with Jason after learning that he had betrayed her, we see a clear example of conflict. Here Medea is already clear about her plan, she has recovered her identity, her way of being. Despite killing her children, and although the viewer does not empathize with this a priori, in the end, we see how she does it to defend what she believes is fair. That is, what she believes that Jason deserves after having hurt her and having made her suffer.

CONCLUSION

Concluding and having dealt with things like cast, setting, and costumes, having compared both works and having dealt with problems of conflict and identity, this play is a MUST to see. Honestly, it has been a tragedy that I am undoubtedly going to recommend from now on since it deals with very important issues in a different way than what we are used to seeing.

[moviewarfare]

A Review of “The Last of Us (2023)”

I remember playing The Last of Us game long ago and massively enjoyed it. So I wasn't remotely surprised when a TV show adaptation was announced. I was worried as video game adaptions tend to be fairly poor for the most part. Does The Last of Us HBO show fall into the video game adaption curse or does it survive by being a good adaption?

One of the most important elements of adapting a video game is retaining all the core elements that made the game great. In terms of this, the HBO show is successful. The main core of the plot, the characters, the relationship, and the tone are all in this adaptation. The show does make changes from the game but I find the changes to be mostly good. For example, deeper meaning for Joel leaving QZ, exploration of Bill and Frank's backstory, Sam and Henry's plot, and Tommy and Joel's relationship. A lot of the changes give more depth to the characters and the worldbuilding. The set design is terrific and captures the exact feeling of the games. The makeup and design of the infected are creepy as they should be. Every scene with the infected is exciting with the memorable mansion scene being an awesome watch.

In terms of casting, Pedro Pascal is great as Joel. He retains the hardened, spiteful nature of Joel from the games but there are some differences. There is a lot of subtle warmth and vulnerability in his performance which leads to an emotional scene in episode 6 that isn't in the games but has a lot of impact. I was sceptical about Bella Ramsay as Ellie at first. Ellie in the game comes off as naturally witty and sarcastic but Bella's performance can feel a bit forced. It didn't help that her character is written as way more hostile compared to the game. However, I warmed up to her a lot by the end as Bella delivers on the more emotional and heart-warming scenes. Some of the best moments in the show are the quiet moments between Joel and Ellie which is thanks to the great chemistry between Pedro and Bella. The supporting cast does a great job as well with special praise to Nick Offerman as Bill, Lamar Johnson as Henry, Anna Torv as Tess, Merle Dandridge as Marlene and Gabriel Luna as Tommy. The biggest surprise in the supporting cast was seeing the original Joel and Ellie voice actors in substantial supporting roles as new characters where they show how great of an actor, they both are.

Nonetheless, I do have some gripes with this show and one of them is the lack of infected; especially in the second half. For a world that has supposedly been taken by this virus, we don’t get enough scenes with the infected. It gets jarringly obvious in the second half where I wondered if they just ran out of budget. In the game, there is a fair amount of downtime between Joel and Ellie after combat. The show doesn’t have a lot of these downtime scenes and because of that the relationship between the two doesn’t feel as strong and believable. It also disappoints me how rushed the finale was as it was incredibly short with a lot happening. It felt like the show needed an episode where it was just Joel and Ellie spending time together which would’ve made the finale has more impact. Episode 3 is no doubt one of the more memorable and hopeful episode in this show that is mostly doom and gloom. However, this episode feels like filler in the overall scheme of things. I had a similar issue with episode 7 which was just one entire flashback that was very slow-paced and dragged on for too long. Both of these episodes lacked our main characters interacting which is what this show needed more of.

Overall, this is a good adaptation of the video game. It’s not perfect but it does manage to convey the necessary story elements effectively in a TV show format. As someone who has family members who aren’t as into video games as me; this TV show is a great way to allow them to experience the story as well. I’m interested to see season 2 of the show. Whether they adapt the sequel or go in a new direction, I’ll be there to watch.

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[goodgamegaming]

As a huge fan of The Last of Us, I have to say that this game truly stands out among others in the industry. The combat and gameplay is incredibly unique, with a focus on stealth and resource management that really adds to the survival aspect of the game. The visuals and graphics are absolutely stunning, with incredibly realistic character models and beautiful environments that truly draw you into the world of the game.

One of the things that I love most about The Last of Us is the way it tells its story. The game follows Joel and Ellie as they journey across a post-apocalyptic United States, and the way their relationship develops over the course of the game is truly captivating. The characters are well-written and feel like real people, with their own motivations and flaws that make them relatable and interesting.

In addition to the unique gameplay and compelling story, The Last of Us also boasts some of the best voice acting I've ever heard in a game. Troy Baker and Ashley Johnson deliver truly incredible performances as Joel and Ellie, and their chemistry really helps to sell the emotional moments of the game.

Overall, I can't recommend The Last of Us enough. As famous reviewer Jim Sterling put it, "The Last of Us is a game that doesn't just raise the bar for storytelling in games, it flat out obliterates it." If you're a fan of survival horror, or just a fan of great storytelling in general, you owe it to yourself to give this game a try.

[coghive]

Benjamin Hastings Drops Pre-Release Track “Eden (Isn’t It Just Like You?)” & Announces Date For Full-Length Debut

Singer, songwriter, and worship leader Benjamin William Hastings joins Capitol Christian Music Group and will release his self-titled solo debut on November 4th. Hastings’ debut full-length album is an artistic 25-track journey of honest self-expression featuring dynamic songwriting. Today he releases a brand new song, “Eden (Isn’t Just Like You?),” from the forthcoming album. The lyric video is available below and you can click here to pre-save Benjamin William Hastings. “Ben is an exceptional artist and songwriter with a unique ability to communicate vulnerable, personal truths that resonate with a global audience,” share Brad O’Donnell (CCMG, Co-President) and Hudson Plachy (CCMG, Co-President). “He explores his faith through his music with honesty and authenticity. We are so excited to be partnering with him on his debut album release.” Listeners have come to know and love Hastings’ lyrics and voice as he co-wrote and is featured on UNITED’s RIAA Certified Gold song, “So Will I (100 Billion X),” Hillsong Worship’s widely acclaimed “Seasons,” and has co-written fan favorites such as Cory Asbury’s No. 1 single “The Father’s House” and Brandon Lake’s “Gratitude.” The songs he has written have been streamed globally more than 600 million times. Hastings has also toured this year on the Chris Tomlin x UNITED tour along with Jesus Culture’s Bryan & Katie Torwalt.

Leading up to his debut, Hastings has released additional songs that will live on this project: “Homeward” “A Father’s Blessing,” “Anyway,” and “The Jesus I Know.” The Benjamin William Hastings album includes songs co-written by Joel Houston, Aodhan King, Blessing Offor, David Leonard, Hank Bentley, Jeremy Lutito, and Josh Grimmett. “The story of Eden has always been an incredibly fascinating story to me, perhaps my favorite biblical narrative,” shares Benjamin William Hastings about the new song. “The more I look the more I see, especially as I study it and the historical backdrop. There’s so much happening that I couldn’t even begin to unpack in a song. However, I did attempt (with a great deal of amazing co-writers) to show one thread of the meta-narrative and that is this song. The story of a God who takes even the worst and redeems it till it’s better than before. A tale of three trees, two Adams, and a whole new Eden in the end.” Hastings continues, “I’ve been really quite fortunate that in the various things I’m connected to that I’ve always had the ability to write freely and be myself, say the things I’ve needed to say and say it in a way that sounded like me. Things with my accent, my lilt, and between that and occasionally writing songs for friends, I have felt really quite content with my life and contribution to the world. However, a number of years ago now, songs started coming out of me that didn’t feel like they belonged anywhere but they didn’t feel like they should die either. I felt like there were things that needed to be said and I felt like I needed to be the one to say them. They were too personal to me to just put through any other voice and I’m so so grateful for everyone who embarked on this very long journey with me, and I’m so proud of where it landed. If I could summarise what you should expect from this album in a sentence or two it would be precisely this lyric from the first track ‘Hold onto your hats, hold onto your hearts. We’re gonna lie in the dirt but we’ll stare at the stars.’” https://youtu.be/fWnTTESXUYI https://coghive.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Benjamin-William-Hastings-Eden-Isnt-It-Just-Like-You-1-1.mp3 Read the full article

[themattress]

Kingdom Hearts vs. Kingdom Hearts II vs. Kingdom Hearts III

I am never playing Kingdom Hearts IV, so might as well see how these three stack up.

GRAPHICS - Let’s get the easiest one out of the way first. Obviously graphics improve as time goes on, and such is the case here. While I have issues with many of the KH-original characters’ models in Kingdom Hearts III since they seem so stiff, that’s more than balanced out by all the breathtakingly accurate Disney models and scenery. The worlds of Hercules and Winnie the Pooh look great enough, but the worlds of Toy Story, Monsters Inc., Tangled, Frozen, Big Hero 6 and Pirates of the Caribbean look exactly like those movies; it’s amazing!

Winner: Kingdom Hearts III

GAMEPLAY - The combat in the original Kingdom Hearts is fun, but can also be pretty cumbersome due to Sora’s unrefined movement, Donald and Goofy’s less than reliable AI, a frustratingly too-close camera, and the default game difficulty being a tad more difficult than one might expect. The combat in Kingdom Hearts III is also fun, but its problem is the exact opposite - it’s way too easy, with Sora’s floaty movements combined with all kinds of special features in battle at your disposal right from the start making every fight a walk in the park. Kingdom Hearts II‘s combat, otoh, is a perfect balance; the best in the series hands-down.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts II

MUSIC - This seems like a tough one since Yoko Shimomura always does a fantastic job. However, you have to ask yourself which soundtrack is the most impressive on the basis of how it was put together. And the answer is the original Kingdom Hearts’ soundtrack - with the other games’, musical tracks are always re-used and put alongside new additions. The first game’s soundtrack, by contrast, was 100% new, meaning its success was crucial. Also, none of Utadu Hikaru’s songs afterward are nearly as iconic as “Hikari” / “Simple and Clean”.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts

VOICE-ACTING - Another tough one, since the KH series usually excels at voice-acting, helped by many of the voices being original Disney film cast members or convincing soundalikes. When it comes down to it, though, I’m going to have to give the nod to Kingdom Hearts II. There’s only one especially bad performance in that game - Mena Suvari as Aerith. But otherwise, everyone is giving it their best. Standouts include Haley Joel Osment, who isn’t as whinily high as in the first game or artificially modulated to sound younger in the third, Jesse McCartney who first showed us all what an amazing voice-actor he can be with his performance as Roxas, Paul St. Peter who is chilling as Xemnas, the late Wayne Allwine who makes Mickey sound convincing even with dialogue like “Did somebody mention the Door to Darkness?”, and the legendary Sir Christopher Lee lending all his dignity, gravity and general badassness as DiZ / Ansem the Wise. It’s just a perfectly skilled and star-studded vocal cast. 

Winner: Kingdom Hearts II

STORY - Ha! This one’s easy. The original Kingdom Hearts, no question about it. The story of Kingdom Hearts II is good, but it’s haphazardly told due to disharmony between its primary tellers (Tetsuya Nomura, Kazushige Nojima and Masaru Oka), can be confounding with its central concepts which isn’t helped by said haphazard storytelling, and won’t leave the same impact if you haven’t been through Chain of Memories first. And as for the story of Kingdom Hearts III....pfffft, WHAT story? That thing is a goddamn mess! This naturally leaves the original Kingdom Hearts’ story, which is classically themed, perfectly structured, and beautifully told, being both incredibly simple and incredibly deep. The talents of Tetsuya Nomura, Jun Akiyama, Daisuke Watanabe, Kazushige Nojima, and Keiko Nobumoto came together perfectly; it was lightning in a bottle that was never really going to be recaptured.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts

CHARACTERS - From a character arc standpoint, the three leads Sora, Riku and Kairi were never written better than they were in the original Kingdom Hearts. They feel like they’re just wrapping up loose ends in Kingdom Hearts II, and Kingdom Hearts III shits on all of them in various ways. While Xemnas in Kingdom Hearts II is actually a stronger character than his Heartless counterpart Ansem in Kingdom Hearts, Ansem is still well-written in his own right, and both are far ahead of Master Xehanort in Kingdom Hearts III. Kingdom Hearts II also has the advantage of memorable characters such as Roxas and his friends, Namine, Axel, and DiZ /  Ansem the Wise. Kingdom Hearts has more Disney characters in major roles, while Kingdom Hearts II has more original characters in major roles, with certain Final Fantasy characters having major roles in both (and absolutely not in Kingdom Hearts III!) Given that and how well the majority are depicted, I think this one is a tie between the PS2 installments.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts & Kingdom Hearts II (TIE)

UNIVERSAL LORE - Let’s rule out Kingdom Hearts III right now, since the universal lore at this point is nigh incomprehensible and so sharply divided from the Disney stuff that it may as well be two different universes altogether. As for Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II, their universal lore is equally solid and compatible, and the difference lies in their presentation. Simply put, Kingdom Hearts does it better because it’s simply put. The more perplexing aspects of the lore are there for you to think about on your own as they float along in the background of the story and the actions of the characters. Kingdom Hearts II brought them to the forefront, which leads to a lot of expositing and drawn-out cutscenes that more often than not still leave players confused, and unless it’s Christopher Lee talking it’s never done particularly well. Leagues ahead of Kingdom Hearts III, don’t get me wrong, but not ideal.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts 

WORLDS - With this category, I mean the worlds from an outside perspective, not related to the events or gameplay that goes on within them. Which assortment of worlds holds the most appeal? Much of that will depend on your preference in Disney properties, but this is my post so my opinion is the one that counts here. And my opinion is that Kingdom Hearts II wins out. Worlds representing Mulan, Beauty and the Beast, Hercules, The Little Mermaid, Pirates of the Caribbean, Aladdin, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Lion King and Tron, all some of the finest Disney properties of all time....oh, and let’s top that off with a world based on fucking Steamboat Willie, Mickey Mouse’s premiere! You just can’t beat a line-up like this.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts II

LEVEL DESIGN - Now we get into how it actually feels to play through the worlds. Kingdom Hearts’ worlds are designed where you get the maximum amount out of all space available, with all sorts of things to interact with, puzzles to solve, and treasures to collect. The downside is that combat in these areas can be a chore, especially with the game’s weak camera. Kingdom Hearts II’s worlds are streamlined for combat, with the camera expanded which helps make battling through them fun as all Hell (or Hades, in one specific case), but the lack of interactivity and exploration is missed, and the lack of collectibles given how easy it is to get every treasure chest in the original edition went over so badly that Final Mix had to make up for it with the puzzle piece and Mushroom XIII sidequests. And that brings us to Kingdom Hearts III - not only are both previous game’s styles merged perfectly, but each world feels like it’s in its own sub-genre of video game altogether. Combine that with the graphics replicating each world’s cinematic source material perfectly and you have the best experience playing through worlds. Kingdom Hearts III is worth it if not only for this factor.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts III

GUMMI SHIP - The scenery and music in the original Kingdom Hearts’ Gummi Ship segments is wonderful, but the gameplay is horrendous. Kingdom Hearts III has great scenery and gameplay, but the music is bland and forcing you to fight Gummi bosses three times to progress to a world was not a good choice. Kingdom Hearts II is the only one that it’s get it all right - great visuals, great music (in a wide variety of different tracks, too!), and great gameplay, feeling almost like a Disney theme park ride. I always love going through it.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts II

MINIGAMES - Kingdom Hearts had many memorable minigames....unfortunately, the majority of them weren’t very well designed. Kingdom Hearts II’s are much better designed, but a lot of them are repetitive and sometimes feel like more time went into them than other things that needed it more. That leaves Kingdom Hearts III as the winner, as its minigames such as the Bistro, the 100 Acre Wood and the Flan Heartless, are fun, plentiful and unique. Special mention goes to the Classic Kingdom app, which packs over 20 minigames into it.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts III

EXTRA CONTENT - In terms of which game is packed with the most stuff beyond what is required to get through, I’m not sure which one objectively places first. What I do know is that what Kingdom Hearts II had initially didn’t feel sufficient compared to its predecessor and needed to be rectified by its Final Mix. Kingdom Hearts III had more from the getgo, but at the cost of crucial things that should have been required being absent and needing to be filled in with Re:Mind. The original Kingdom Hearts, even before its Final Mix, felt so loaded with extra content that it was dizzying; truly on par with what you would expect out of a Final Fantasy game. Square, still headed by Hironobu Sakaguchi at the time, spared no expense.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts 

OVERALL SATISFACTION - So, Kingdom Hearts III clearly isn’t winning this whole thing, with just two victories to its name. But Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II are tied, so this last category has to serve as the tiebreaker. Which game, as a whole product, is the most satisfactory? Which of the two has all its qualities even out to provide the best experience?

Personally, playing through the original Kingdom Hearts is an experience that has never been matched by anything since in this franchise. And therein lies the problem. It’s not that the game doesn’t hold up and I don’t enjoy replaying it - far from it! But the sheer magical feeling that gripped me back at the end of 2002 and start of 2003 can’t be replicated, which leaves some of the game’s technical issues in a more glaring light. And that’s a problem that doesn’t exist with Kingdom Hearts II (especially the Final Mix version). It was a highly fun, thrilling, well-polished ride to begin with, and it still is with every new playthrough. It feels like the apex of what the concept of Kingdom Hearts is supposed to be: the best of Disney and the best of Square all in one crazy, epic package. It’s the series’ finest game....and it always will be.

Winner: Kingdom Hearts II

[hermitdyke]

Please do go off about metanarratives and colaborative storytelling in LL if you want king, my analisys loving heart is curious and interested

Anon thank you so much I was really unsure to share this. Warning for 3L and LL spoilers.

3rd Life and by extension, Last Life is a great example of a Metanarrative and an Emergent Narrative. The definition used of metanarrative for this is “An overarching account or interpretation of events and circumstances that provides a pattern or structure for people’s beliefs and gives meaning to their experiences”. An Emergent Narrative is “any video game storyline that is not written into the game by its developers, but emerges from the player’s interactions with various gameplay subsystems”.

Taking these definitions and placing it in the context of a collaborative Lets-Play series with multiple creators recording and taking part, allows us to analyze a complete storyline and find relevancy and meaning to the things the characters do/say/own, even if seemingly inconsequential from the start.

Multiple Perspectives and Metanarrative

The collaboration of 14 and 17 creators for each series is crucial in understanding how the story functions as it does. The individual’s viewing of a single point of view or POV of any single player reveals an amount of new information, interactions, and conflicts. The viewer’s knowledge of the single character’s experiences is about the same. When viewing multiple perspectives, the story expands significantly, showing different relationships between everyone and provides context to events that one may not have seen in the single POV.

For example, in viewing Impulse’s finale episode for 3rd Life, viewers may be confused or lost on why Bdubs attacked and took Impulse’s final life over a clock that Scar had given him. If the viewer had not seen Bdub’s first episode, they would not have realized the relevance between Bdubs and Scar with a clock, being that one was given to him at the very beginning from Scar during an early mining session. Viewers would also not know unless they had viewed Scar’s finale that the clock that was given to Bdubs was taken off of Impulse after losing his yellow life.

Immediately, the lack of viewership on multiple perspectives limits the scope on why the event is relevant, and the viewer may find the story ending dissatisfying, when in fact it is incredibly false. The cross-analysis of perspectives and events gives meaning to this otherwise simple event and forms a narrative from a simple item in the game- an Emergent Narrative.

Emergent Narratives, Lives, and Boogeymen

The term “subsystems” in the definition of Emergent Narratives is another way of describing a game’s mechanics. 3rd Life and Last Life differs from vanilla Minecraft in that they’re playing in a limited life, hardcore system, with the random threat of the Boogeyman and a proximity voice-mod. Without these, the narrative would be dramatically different, although it is possible to form an Emergent Narrative using vanilla Minecraft (DSMP!Eret’s Betrayal is a popular example). Because of these features and players interacting using these features, a narrative emerges from what in any casual Lets Play, could be considered a “bit”. This is what makes 3rd Life and Last Life stand out.

In 3rd Life, an emergent narrative is formed when Ren asks Martyn to kill him, despite Martyn being green and him being yellow. Ren’s use of the red life mechanic provided him a way to protect Renchanting under the threat and pressure of Scar. Ren (the player) judged being able to attack anyone at will overruled the safety of having multiple lives, and that he now poses as a new threat to the server. They also use a vanilla mechanic in renaming the Red Winter axe so all members could recognize their newfound power and creating a desirable item in their alliance. In “proving his loyalty”, Martyn and Ren’s storyline really kicks off and starts to conflict with the other members as a new power on the server.

A recent example in Last Life is from Scar’s perspective and goes to show just how possible it is that Last Life can/will follow a similar route as its counterpart. Bdubs in his first episode asks Etho, “if you were the Boogeyman and I died to a mob in here, would you be like, ‘man”, is that a consideration you’d make?”, “..like I missed my chance, should’ve taken them when I could. (Timestamp: Bdubs Last Life Episode 1, 17:20-17:38)

This is ironic, considering that Bdubs at the time was the Boogeyman. An episode later, one of the two boogeymen of the session, Joel leads Lizzie into a trap, getting in a few hits, only to fail and lose a life himself. The damage that he dealt to Lizzie weakened her was only after killed by a mob, and brings the scenario Bdubs suggested into reality.

Without the use of the limited lives, Boogeyman system, and the limited Enchanting table resource, this narrative thread would not have worked. And in the Metanarrative of the story, unless the viewers both viewed Bdub’s and Joel/Lizzie’s perspectives, they would not have found relevancy in this scenario.

Lack of Script

The most important part of the Metanarrative and Emergent Narrative is that no one knows that these events are important or are going to amount to something in the end. It is the viewer’s knowledge and creators’ forethought of the series to see the narrative emerge from just a couple of friends playing a video game and starting a war, to developed characters with an overarching storyline in a limited episode run. At the start, none of the stories was intentional. The individual’s interpretation of the events and forming these connections between one or more perspectives is the real storyline, and if the creator wants to support this discovered story, they can (Martyn and Scott’s 3L endings).

A great example of this inability to script events is in Bdubs’ 3rd Lift perspective. In his first episode, he passes by a cliff face with a pond below. As he approaches and looks down the cliff, he says, “Nobodies against each other, y’know, it’s just kinda hanging out.” As he passes by and down the hill, “Eventually, once we get down lower, like once you’re on your third life, I think then its vengeance time.” (Timestamp: Bdubs 3L Episode 1, 12:41- 12:51)

Because of his experiences and the events unfolding in 3rd Life, the irony is not lost when he is killed just at the bottom of the exact same cliff by Grian and Scar as revenge. These seemingly irrelevant events in the moment form patterns across the entire series, with some underdeveloped locations, suddenly becoming relevant. A seemingly irrelevant moment is now much darker and holds so much more meaning to the character.

What does this mean for Last Life’s story? Is there an Emerging Metanarrative?

Narratives can be found anywhere, and in collaboratively playing an open-world sandbox game, there’s almost no avoiding it. With the start of Last Life, any of these seemingly casual conversations or collected items could have any sort of meaning in the future. This happened in Scar’s episode this week where he worries that he’ll drop from 5 to 1 life and get boogeyman “Oh no- we’re gonna lose all of our lives, aren’t we? We have five lives and by the end of this I’m gonna be a red life.”(Timestamp: Scars LL Episode 2, 4:54-4:59)

Only in the end, for both him and Joel to be Boogeymen, and for Joel to drop to red and lose his alliance with Scar. The catastrophe of the episode essentially avoided Scar, even though he was constantly at the forefront of the conflict. These small off comments, seemingly inconsequential are now made relevant and active conflicts between the characters.

And there’s plenty more of these events across 3rd Life, and predicting what is to come is nearly impossible (though I do have my own ideas).

-Comments made towards Etho’s tree and wool base, only for both to be burned multiple times, and all of Etho’s deaths being related to fire.

-Martyn to BigB in early episodes, wanting to track down Ren and their relationship and building of Renchanting/Dogwarts

(Personal theory- there are currently 3 wither skulls on the last life server, belonging to Grian, Etho, and Pearl/Scott. Currently, they are irrelevant, but there are THREE WITHER SKULLS, with the entire server having easy access to soulsand.)

[boasamishipper]

tom cruise characters hair rates

Lestat de Lioncourt (Interview with the Vampire)

dramatic gay bitch with the long blonde curls to match. somehow has great hair even when he’s on fire or a depressed corpse in a basement, but apparently more than two hundred years of immortality have not inspired him to try out more than two (2) hairstyles. where are the pigtails. where are the braids. where is the lestat with the emo man bun that we deserve. 6.66/10 for wasted potential.

Joel Goodson (Risky Business)

his hair’s dorky but cute, which matches joel’s personality to a t. manages to go from a side part to a center part to a side part (somehow) over the course of the film and each variation looks equally nice. every strand of hair is always in place, no matter the situation, which - what is your secret, joel. what haircare products do you use? bonus points for being the only tom character with legit bangs. go originality. 7.5/10.

Maverick Mitchell (Top Gun)

ah, mav. major points right off the bat for having a hairstyle that is actually regulation (i love you ice but frosted tips in the navy??? how did you not get written up for that??? what is your secret???). LOVE the hint of floof potential though i wish you wouldn’t try and hide it with the hair gel or the helmet. embrace the floof mav. 10/7 (this rating is inverted).

Brian Flanagan (Cocktail)

now THIS is what i call good hair!!! the bounce! the shine! the floof! the swoop! the WAVES! even disheveled the floof is maintained. somehow his hair still looks good even when food gets dumped on top of it. (*damian from mean girls voice* that’s why his hair is so big; it’s full of bad poetry.) incredible perfect stupendous. every tom character needs to get on brian’s level. 10/10.

Cole Trickle (Days of Thunder)

okay look i know i said i loved brian’s hair the best bc of sheer floof factor (i may have a slight bias) but look at cole’s hair. look at that floof. that is honest, earnest, windswept floof. perfect to run your fingers through, as i’m sure claire can attest. unfortunately the floof starts to fizzle when dealt with sad news or injury or crushed under a helmet, but c’est la vie. only complaint is that his hair at that weird length where it’s too long to maintain easily and too short to put into a ponytail - but it is the perfect length for a flower crown, so. 9/10.

Charlie Babbitt (Rain Man)

pretentious yuppie hairstyle for a pretentious yuppie boy. his hair starts getting some bounce and floof with every feeling he experiences - so far the record to beat is one (1) feeling - but not enough and not fast enough. get him out of my sight. 2/10.

Danny Kaffee (A Few Good Men)

coiffed, well-maintained, professional and fully adhering to regulations - none of which fits danny necessarily, but the hair works. nice and neat, just a hint of bounce. great side part. love the color. not a fan of the attempt at bangs. save that for joel, danny. and get your fingers out of your mouth. 6/10.

Jerry Maguire (Jerry Maguire)

not as bad as charlie babbitt, but still pretty pretentious. little too much hair gel at times. good bounce, frames the face pretty nicely. switches from a side part to a center part depending on the stress level. seems to be going for that rumpled casual look which does not at all come off as rumpled and casual. the more stress, the more unkempt the hair becomes (and the more strands start peeking out). consensus? the man needs a good night’s rest and a better hair care routine (and definitely therapy). help me help you, jerry. 3/10.

Ray Ferrier (War of the Worlds)

starts out short and neat and gets progressively dirtier and messier as the story goes on - which, you know. alien invasion, fleeing your home, running for your life. that’s legit. wash the blood and grit out of your hair, get a good night’s rest. maybe just stick with the baseball cap? you do you, ray. 5/10.

Roy Miller (Knight and Day)

soft sunshine hair for the soft sunshine boy. his skills in the field are impeccable and so is his hair. the number one item on his bucket list (below changing his name legally to mr. june havens) is having someone run their hands through his hair and also possibly braid it. please let roy miller relax and also *t’challa voice* Give This Man A Flower Crown. 9/10.

Stacee Jaxx (Rock of Ages)

long sexy rock star hair for the sexy rock star and yet does he do a SINGLE thing with it besides that bandana that one time or the cowboy hat? no. 2/10 for wasted potential. (also stacee: wash the bourbon out of your hair, maybe? just a thought.)

Jack Harper, Tech 49 (Oblivion)

nice good hair for a nice good boy. some call the hairstyle boring, i call it classic. a very solid poof at the front that droops and becomes sad later on but still looks good. luckily, looking good while being sad is something of a specialty for jack harper. if he finds any accessories or barrettes or hair ties in the wild he’d look very nice as well. 7/10.

Bill Cage (Edge of Tomorrow)

WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR HAIR THE PLANE IS GOING TO EXPLODE. (more boring than classic, extra points for the bounciness and the fact that he’s got great hair literally no matter what point at the end of the world he’s at. 5/10.)

[wallyaxiom]

𝚆𝙰𝙻𝚃𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴: 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚂𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙴𝙻𝚂𝙴 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝚂

hey besties it’s me coming to do the waltmeme thing. I couldn’t just pick one character to call my favorite. it also felt unfair to do that as well when there’s so many amazing characters here. so grab a snack, put on your favorite tangled song in my honor and buckle up as i go through the list of my fave characters here at walt each person plays. present gen only. sorry to my next gen faves. maybe one day i’ll write a list for you. or not. i’ll keep you on your toes. 

𝕔𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕣𝕒 𝕛𝕒𝕘𝕖𝕣

cassandra is a character i love so much. tangled is a movie that means everything to me. kiara is the person who understands my tangled feels. the way you play cassandra...like how you said i have a grasp on reagan, you have such a perfect grasp on who cassandra is as a character. her voice is so clear. you understand who the character is and have transformed her into something more than what was given in the bio i wrote and also in the show that’s used for inspo. she’s a spectacular character and i love her so much. it’s an honor to be one half of elssandra but also cassunzel. she’s such an amazing character. you should be so proud of what you’ve brought to life, kiara.

𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕔𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕖𝕟

listen i told you every day how much i love monty. i literally scream it to you in your living room sometimes. i’ve seen every iteration of monty but i think this one is my favorite. i didn’t even know lightning’s real name was montgomery that was all you. so much of yourself is in monty. it reminds me of myself with wally and i think that’s the biggest reason why i love monty is because he’s bits and pieces of you and i love you very much. as much as i love cocky era lightning i love dad lightning even more. i wish i had a dad like him i’m not gonna lie but we’re not gonna unpack that on the man lmfao. i’m glad i’m more enveloped in his story now because he’s such a good character dude. like such a good written and played character. he’s second in my heart to sulley but is inching closer to number one by the day. 

𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕔𝕠 𝕓𝕖𝕣𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕚

fran !!! my bestie !!! my fave !!! i would die for them !!! like bee, i love talking to you about fran and all the tomfoolery they get into. you’ve played them for so long and each time you transform them into something better than the last. they age like a fine wine. in the past almost two years i’ve been able to be part of their story more & i’m so happy for that opportunity. you’ve put so much love, care and devotion into fran. you’ve added so much to their story. like they’re so fleshed out, how does your beautiful brain come up with all this backstory ??? lemme know i need some of those brain cells. they’re amazing. you’re amazing. i want fran to buy me and island and make me pasta but i’ll just them do that for caspian the favorite child. 

𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕓𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕨

hands down i had to put orion my future father in law. i’ve had the honor of watching you develop orion into something incredible over these past six years. ( holy cow !!! six ??? insane. ily ). he was a big bad, misunderstood boy and you’ve humanized orion. you’ve brought life into him and created such a beautifully crafted character. he has a heart now. perhaps a tiny one but it’s there. the backstory you’ve created for him and the future he has - all stunning and wonderful. i love this man. he deserves so much after the shit he’s been through. i’ve had the privilege of being in his orbit for a bit when i played logan. I still get to watch him and enjoy the light chaos he brings. i’m ready for the new era of casino owner orion and what trouble he’ll bring now. 

𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕘𝕘𝕪 𝕣𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕣𝕤

the boy !!! the legend !!! i love shaggy so much. first of all, the future you planned for him. how dare you ?? do you like to see me cry ?? is that it ??? i’m glad he hit his happy arc now because WOW. pain. shaggy is just a nice guy, man. he’s so nice to everyone he meets. i want to be friends with shaggy and scoob. i love mystery inc. i can’t imagine anyone else playing shaggy but you. to me, you are him. he’s the heart of the group. it’s not mystery inc without him. therefore, you’re the heart also. it’s not the same without you. 

𝕤𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕖 𝕥𝕖𝕒𝕘𝕦𝕖

i could easily write an essay about how i love all your characters and how you play them all so well but i had to give this spot to sadie. the teagues are my og loves. every time i see sadie the part of my brain where logan resides lights up. she’s such a good character. she’s a little devil and it’s exactly what we need. we need someone to stir up the pot and throw eggs at kids. sadie is a product of her environment. she’s so tough and had to be so young. no one her age should have to grow up so fast the way she did. i would like to wrap sadie in a blanket give her some coco with bat marshmallows and tell her to take a break. hug her. maybe give her some therapy to. i love her. you’ve brought her to life in such an amazing way. i hope her brothers join her soon so we can have that sibling goodness. 

𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕒 𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕥𝕒

i was tempted to put ian here because ian lightfoot is joel and we already know how much i love al and wendy but i decided to show the og love so i put nala. from the get go you knew who nala was going to be and where you wanted to go with her. you always bring so much to your characters. you develop them in ways that amazes me each time. go bestie go you’re so talented. i love how devoted she. how fierce she is but also the vulnerability you bring to her. she was thrown into a world at a young age fighting a war she wasn’t meant to and THAT’S a lot on someone. and we see that. i love the way you play her and i’m so happy you decided to take her up. sorry you have to deal with simba tho. pour one out. 

𝕘𝕖𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕩𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙

everyone and their grandmother knows the oliver and co cast means everything to me. i’m so glad that you decided to join them ! you’re a wonderful addition. i love miss george. she’s fabulous in every sense of the word. sharpay evans is shaking in her lil boots. i just love divas. i love them. i am one. she’s perfect. and we know that’s not easy for her. i know your beautiful mind works wonders so i know there’s a lot of growing that georgette will be going through in the future and i’m excited for it. prayer circle for a jenny and oliver. 

𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣𝕪 𝕓𝕚𝕟𝕩

when you auditioned for thackery you already had an idea of where you wanted to take him and how you wanted to add to his character while staying true to the bio. that is the kind of stuff i like to see. this man has seen some shit and also has been through some shit. i do hope one day his soul can be at ease. he needs a long cat nap. you care a lot for thackery and it’s lovely to see. he may be a hamilton hoe but we have to respect the drip & love him for it anyways. 

𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣

timmy boy deserves a hug. a hug and a nice space movie to take the edge off. you always put so much of your heart and yourself into your characters. you care so much for them and that’s evident in buzz. he’s goofy, he’s cool and he’s just so wonderful. i’m excited to see where buzz will go from here and how he’ll develop over time. i’m hoping some happiness. maybe some resolution with woodrow just to spice things up. that metal arm is still cool too. 

𝕕𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕟𝕖 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖

hey bestie !!! wow !!! daphne ??? gives me so much pain. I am so glad to be going on this angst journey of mystery inc and fred/daph with you. your love for her and the gang makes my heart so happy. i will happily spend hours talking about them and sending tiktoks to each other that remind us of them. you went beyond the assignment. you were just born to play daphne. you write her so well and understand her past the bio, past the inspirations of the live actions and mystery inc. you get her. you see her. she’s in good hands. i’m ready for all the pain she’s about to cause me. 

𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕝𝕠𝕡𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖

i love penelope. i really do. i am penelope’s number one stan. it was discussed before but it’s so easy to play miss piggy as unlikeable since she is such a brash character but you bring so much light and love to penny. it’s hard not to be in love with her and want her to succeed in everything she does. she’s the miss piggy we all grew up with but she’s also special because you’ve added your own personal touches to her. she’s an amazing character. i would punch anyone who’s wronged penelope. i’m excited for the layers to start peeling back and we see more of penny - especially her badass ways. i just love the way you play her and i love penelope hainline okay. i lovoe divas as stated above what can i say. 

𝕒𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕣𝕒 𝕔𝕒𝕡𝕦𝕝𝕖𝕥

ANNIE !!!! WOW AURORA ??? genuinely she is the love of my life. I love her so, so much. she’s so sweet and wonderful and deserve to be tucked in ??? read a bed time story ??? and not be cursed ??? why’d i do that. she deserves the world and so do you. in the short amount of time you’ve had her you’ve added so much depth to her story. which is not always easy the first few months you have a character but you’ve put in a lot of love into aurora already. you understood the assignment and & went beyond.  i’m so excited to see where she goes on her journey and what will happen when he hopefully get a maleficent one day. also is it an aurora shoutout without me saying philip loves her ??? bc he does. 

[starlessskies94]

Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Note: Okay this is a big one, I wrote this over the course of like 3 days I think? Anyway I hope you like it because it's probably the longest chapter I've ever written for one of my stories <3

Chapter One

It was just five in the morning when Adaline Miller woke up. Her head still a little groggy from a decent night’s sleep and her fading dreams. She turned to see Joel still asleep beside her; his gentle snores muffled into his pillow. She smiled and leaned over kissing his bare shoulder before rolling out of bed to get ready for her day.

Stepping downstairs towards the kitchen, Ada realised just how cold it was when she noticed how frosted over the windows had become overnight. Ada hated winter. It was her least favourite season. After everything that had happened almost five years ago it wasn’t hard to understand why. Even now she still sometimes had nightmares about it.

Waking up to find Joel cold in his bed; his stomach wound torn open. Blood everywhere. Or finding Ellie beaten and bruised, left alone in that burned out restaurant.

Joel had always been there to console her, holding her until she calmed down. His voice low to just a whisper as he told her everything was okay. She was safe. He was there and he wasn’t ever going to leave.

It was a comfort she appreciated even after being married to the man for just under four years.

Stepping through into the kitchen, the brunette quickly got to work preparing some eggs on the stove for breakfast before moving across the counter to make up a pot of coffee for herself and Joel. She still wasn’t totally sure what her husband had traded for the beans; but Joel had seemed rather embarrassed by it for some reason. Though after finally getting to taste coffee again after so long, she didn’t much care she supposed. After the hot water was boiled she poured the beverage out, setting aside Joel’s favourite owl mug for when he came down.

Joel had always been an early riser and more often than not, he was almost always the one that beat her to the kitchen in the morning. It had taken some time after settling in Jackson to actually get the man to finally relax a little. It was unfortunate for Ada that he had taken that to mean ‘no sleeping in past seven’. Even on days off, Joel was up before the sun. Lucky Ada had found her own ways to at least keep him in bed past seven on those days; sleeping or otherwise. Thankfully Joel never complained.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the creaking of the stairs as Ada glanced up to meet eyes with Joel. His arms stretched above his head and suppressing a yawn. He stepped through the door, his hand dropping to scratch at his bearded chin.

“Morning darlin’.” Joel slurred, heading straight for his coffee mug. “Hold on...why are you dressed already?” Ada questioned. Her egg covered spoon gesturing at him in his winter gear. Joel followed her gaze, his brows raised in confusion. “I thought you weren’t on patrol until this afternoon.” She clarified.

“Oh yeah...forgot to tell you last night. Change of plans. Tommy’s gotten word of a horde gathering near the ski lodge.” He explained between sips, leaning against the counter, crossing one foot over the over. “Reckon we needed to deal with it quickly before it gets to be a problem.”

Ada pouted but said nothing, her gaze turning from Joel back to her scrambled eggs on the stove. Joel sighed abandoning his mug on the side as he moved across towards her. His arms wrapping around her waist and resting his chin over her shoulder.

“I can hear you thinking.” He said lowly into her ear. But again Ada said nothing. He sighs moving to kiss her neck but she turns her head away as he does.

He hates this. He hates when she worries. It’s always the same routine when he heads out for clean up duty. Clearing out infected is never an easy job but it is what keeps Jackson safe. They both know that. But still whenever he’s due to leave for another job, Ada goes quiet. She’s distant and he fucking hates it.

It was the same when Ellie first asked to train for patrol, they’d been reluctant. And while they were both well aware of Ellie’s skills and her strength; it was still hard watching their baby girl in such a hurry to go out alone without them.

His arms around her waist squeeze gently as he pulls her close to his chest, his head over her shoulder stealing a kiss on her cheek.

“Baby please stop worrying, I’ll be fine.” He knew it was a foolish thing to promise because the world they lived in wasn’t safe. You never knew what the next day would bring. But if there was anything in this world Joel would find to fight for; it was coming home to his wife. His family.

Ada dumped the cooked eggs onto the plates laid out, they were a little burned on the edges. She hadn’t been paying that much attention to them if she was honest. Then turned in her husband’s arms to face him.

“Back by dinner or I kick your ass.” She warned playfully. “Deal.” He chuckled, pulling her close as their lips met in a kiss.

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It didn’t take long for Ada to get to the stables when she’d finished breakfast. After reluctantly pulling herself from Joel’s arms; they’d both parted ways as the older man went to meet his brother at the gate.

She’d quickly threw herself into her list of jobs for the day, hoping it would take her mind off her worry.

“Morning Max.” She smiled at the stable hand, walking through to the back room. “Mornin’ Ada, whadda we got today?” he grinned in reply, his frame leaning through the door as she tidied her workspace. Collecting all her notes and paperwork together.

“Well Daisy has been lame for a couple days so she needs to stay on box rest. Then I need King and Blue tacked up before noon.” She explained, her eyes never leaving the sheets of paper in her hand. “Bob and Maggie are headed out on patrol so they need them ready before half twelve.”

“You got it boss!” Max assured with a joyful grin, sending her a mock salute. She chuckled at the old man as he disappeared from the doorway, but she quickly caught up to him, catching herself on the wooden frame.

“Oh! Could you also take Barnaby out into the paddock this morning please? He had a touch of colic yesterday and I want to keep his gut moving to make sure it’s passed.” She explained. Max simply nodded and turned to make a start on his duties. Ada always liked Max. He was an older gentleman, around seventy years old but still incredibly fit for his age. He’d arrived in Jackson a few years after herself, Ellie and Joel. Along with his grandsons from somewhere near Montana. Having the experience of running his own ranch before the Outbreak; he’d been the perfect fit to help Ada run the stables and take care of the horses.

She continued through until around nine o’ clock, just making the finishing touches to the poultice she’d wrapped around the gelding’s leg she was treating. “There ya go buddy.” She cooed sweetly, giving the horse a soft scratch behind the ears as he nickered in reply.

“Morning Ada!” A familiar voice greeted as the brunette moved to close the stable door closed behind her. “Morning Dina, you out on patrol this morning?”

“Yep, heading out on the creek trails with Ellie.” She smiled, Ada quickly returning it as they both looked to Ellie walking through the door. “How’s my boy?” Dina asked, grabbing Ada’s attention once again.

“Oh he’s fine, Japan had a little mud fever but I think we got it under control now. He’s good to go. All tacked up for you with Max down there.” Dina gave her a quick thumbs up and threw a thanks over her shoulder as she ran down towards the back of the barn. Leaving the woman alone with her adoptive daughter who slowly trailed behind.

“Good morning sunshine. How are you feeling this morning?” She teased. Ellie rolled her eyes at her mother’s smirk.

“Oh jeez don’t. I already got half the town giving me weird looks.” She whined. After the dance the night before, her kiss with Dina, Seth drunk and aggressively harassing the girls; it had certainly been the talk of the town the following morning. Ellie was just hoping she could outlive the embarrassment.

“So you and Dina patrolling together huh? That should be interesting. Have you talked to her yet?” “Ugh mom stop!” Ellie hissed softly, her lips twitching into a subtle smile.

“What? I like her, she’s a sweet girl. You two would be so cute together.” The teen stifled a giggle as she playfully shoved her mom’s shoulder, the older woman chuckling in return. “Shut up.”

The laughter faded when Ada sighed in thought, Ellie glancing back knowing what was coming next. Her gaze immediately falling to her feet.

“You uh...you talk to Joel yet?” She asked cautiously. For the past two years; it had been a sore subject for Ellie whenever Ada brought Joel up in conversations. After finding out the truth back in Salt Lake; she’d been so angry at both of them for everything they had kept from her. But after learning that Joel had been the one that pulled the trigger. That one that had made that decision for all of them and acted alone, she’d declared she wanted nothing more to do with him. And while it had been hard for Ada to be stuck in the middle; she’d still tried her damn hardest to build a bridge between them.

“A little...but one conversation isn’t going to fix everything.” She mumbled. Her foot kicking at the mud covered floor, eyes never leaving the ground.

“It’s a start though. Baby he really misses you.” she said. “I know. I still don’t know if I can forgive him for what he did though. But I am willing to try.” Ellie said softly, her hands now pulling at her jacket sleeves. “I uh...I was thinking of maybe inviting him over for a movie night tomorrow. If that’s okay?”

Ada smiled at this. It had been hard with Ellie not speaking to Joel for so long, watching the man she loved struggle with losing a daughter that no longer wanted anything to do with him. It was obvious he was hurting even if he never said the words out loud. He missed Ellie, he’d be so grateful to hear she wanted to do movie night again, for the first time in so long.

“Of course it is. When you get back from patrol we’ll figure something out okay? Joel’s out with Tommy but he should be back by dinner.”

Ellie simply nodded with a timid smile before turning towards Max waiting with Shimmer.

“Hang on, gotcha some lunch. I still worry you ain’t eating enough.” Ada shouted after her, reaching into her backpack to hand her daughter the pack of food she’d prepared.

“Thank you!” Dina called before Ellie had the chance to reply, swiping the pack out of Ada’s hand. “Hey! She said my lunch!” Ellie poked in jest. The teen simply scoffed peaking through the bag to see what was inside. “Our lunch...there’s plenty for both of us. Let’s see; turkey sandwiches, nice.” Dina continued snooping through the pack while Ellie merely rolled her eyes as Ada stood with folded arms smirking at the two. They really were cute together.

“Oh shit! No way, Ellie there’s cookies in here! Awesome! Thanks Ada!”

Ada laughed at Dina’s joy as Ellie reluctantly followed behind, snatching the packed lunch back and stuffing it into her bag before Dina could complain.

“Ugh I haven’t had cookies since I was a kid. I fucking love your mom, she’s just the best.” Dina complimented as she mounted Japan, taking the reins and walking the gelding out into the snow, Ellie not far behind on Shimmer. The young girl turned back to take one last glance at her mother brushing down another horse, a smile lighting up her face.

“Yeah, yeah she is.” Ellie agreed.

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After such an early start, Ada was pleased when the day was beginning to draw to an end. She’d not stopped the whole day and she was tired.

When the time came to feed and bed down the horses for the night, she was more than ready to head home, eat dinner, maybe snuggle up to Joel on the couch to watch a movie and call it a day. She’d already sent Max home to his boys when she finished up the last of her routine checks to close up the barn; when she’d been ambushed by both Jesse and Dina.

They both looked terrified, Dina with tear stained cheeks and Jesse breathless and shell shocked like he’d just run for miles without taking a second to breathe.

The brunette couldn’t remember much of what was said when they’d bombarded her with information. Only that something bad had happened and it had happened to Joel.

A thousand thoughts had rushed through her head at once. A flash of images muddled with the white noise that squealed in her ears the closer she ran towards the infirmary. Her nightmare was coming true and she felt like she was drowning. Lost in a dark ocean of uncertainty, falling without a lifeline to hold on to.

When she burst through the doors, Tommy was the first to reach her. She winced aghast at seeing his injuries. His swollen black eye, the deep bloodied gash on his forehead. She felt numb as her brother in law explained what had happened. What those bastards had done to her husband. Shot and beaten mercilessly. Her heart ached, her eyes raw from the tears she’d cried. And what made the whole thing worse, was that Ellie had been there to see the whole thing.

Ada had tried to brace herself before stepping into Joel’s room, her hand trembling as she reached for the handle. Ellie was sat slumped over his bedside, her hand clinging to his as he lay unconscious. The scuff of her mother’s boots grabbing her attention as she rose to her feet and met her halfway when Ada rushed towards her with open arms.

“Mom!” Ellie whimpered and it reminded her all too much of that night all those years ago. Ada squeezed her eyes shut as she pulled Ellie closer, her heart beating in her ears.

“Oh baby girl.” She soothed, her hand gently stroking her back for comfort. “I tried…” Ellie hiccuped. “I tried to stop them. I begged them to stop but they wouldn’t listen. And I told Joel to get up, just fucking get up.” Her voice broke as the girl choked back another sob and Ada couldn’t help her own tears as she listened silently. Gently guiding Ellie back to Joel’s bedside so she could sit, all the while the mother never once letting go of her daughter.

“I told him to get up, but it was like he’d just given up.” She explained quietly. Her shaking hands reaching up to wipe at her sore bloodshot eyes. Her cheeks and nose reddened from her tears. “The doctor said he needs to be asleep for a while, something about something needing time to settle?! I don’t fucking know!” She shouted in frustration, almost collapsing from exhaustion in her chair.

Ada merely nodded solemnly. Tommy had partly explained before she’d rushed to Joel. The doctor had insisted on keeping Joel sedated to give the brain time to heal itself while the swelling subsides. Ada just hoped it wouldn’t take too long for him before he was able to wake up.

As the night drew on Ellie had finally given in to her fatigue, stretching on the old beat up couch in the corner of the room. Tommy had thoughtfully brought her a blanket and a bag of clothes for the girls before heading home himself, Ada swearing that she would send Ellie the second they had any news on his brother.

It wasn’t until then that Ada had the still and the silence of the night did she truly take in Joel’s injuries. His leg, broken and mangled. It had been a damn miracle that they’d even be able to save it. But there had been a reasonable amount of confidence it would eventually heal, though Joel would definitely have some difficulty getting around at first and most likely a permanent limp afterwards; he was damn lucky in that respect.

His head injuries however were a different story. There were still flecks of dried blood in patches of his dark head where the club had struck. Patches of hair cut away, close to the scalp in order to reach the violent blows into his crown. Deep cuts and dark bruises covered his handsome face. A good chunk of his ear was missing, she’d noticed as she softly brushed her fingers through his hair in a feeble attempt to clean him up. It had been treated and neatly stitched but would most likely leave a scar.

Her lips trembled as a quiet sob worked its way up into her throat, her eyes blurred from the welling tears the longer she looked at him.

She should have been there...Why hadn’t she been there?!

The days went by and Joel still hadn’t woken up. The doctor took him off sedation a few days after the attack, in the hopes he would come around on his own. The endless nights slowly dragging by, each holding with it a suffocating pause that felt to be drawing out longer and longer. Like the string of a bow, pulling tighter and tighter until it was closely reaching its breaking point, a moment of holding strong until it was too much to bear.

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It had been exactly nine days later when Joel eyelids flickered. His fingers twitched and convulsed as he finally began to regain consciousness.

A string of mumbles and panicked gasps uttered from his dry lips as he stirred awake. And Ellie and Ada were right there beside him. The young girl skidding on her heel as she took off through the door in order to grab Tommy.

“Joel? Can you hear me?” Ada asked delicately. Her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Tentatively reaching out to place her hand upon his as he moved to face her with squinted eyes.

“Wher...Where?” He tried to speak. His voice low and rough like gravel. It strained against his dry throat. Ada quickly moving to his bedside to help him drink from the glass of water placed beside him.

He winced but managed a few mouthfuls before lowering himself back down against his pillow. His tired eyes darted around the room, breath quickening and short the more the confusion set in as to how he’d ended up there.

“You're in the infirmary. You were out with Tommy and were attacked.” Ada explained carefully, Joel’s eyes drifting back towards her sat by his bedside. “Was anyone else hurt?” He asked. “Tommy got roughed up a little, bump on the head and a black eye. Couple of bruised ribs but he’ll be fine.”

Joel simply nodded at the information. His eyes never leaving Ada.

“Is Sarah okay? I assume she’s with Tommy, could you call her? Tell her I’m okay…” He spoke so casually, Ada almost didn’t hear what he’d said. But yet there was no change in his eyes as he asked the question. “How long do you reckon till I can head home?”

This question made Ada stop cold. Her heart slowing and her breath catching in her throat.

“Joel... do you know who I am?”

He looked at her like she was crazy, the confusion met in the touching of his dark brows creasing with his forehead. “Yeah, you’re my doctor.”

It was at that moment Ada almost collapsed. When she realised there was truly no hint of recognition in Joel’s eyes as he stared at her.

Her worst fear realised; her own husband saw her as a stranger.