#(and i still somehow get ignored or rejected when i apply...)

[supercantaloupe]

i'm also looking for a job right now (one of those studying a degree needing a graduate degree to work, fml) and the job market is so fucked right now. i hope you do find one soon.

thank you for your kind thoughts. i think at this point, barring any potential one-off gigs i might get asked to play, it's really unlikely i'll get a job this summer. on the bright side i DO have a job lined up for the fall -- i'm working a fellowship at my university while i'm in grad school. it doesn't pay very much, but it funds the degree which is as good as deal as i could hope for (esp cause my program will probably take up to three years). i just really really wish i had something to do in the meantime over the summer; i hate sitting around without something to Do, and i'm bad at motivating myself to do stuff, and i hate the fact that i'm not able to contribute significantly to my own expenses yet. (of course i've extremely grateful to have a support system willing to help me while i'm at this point in my life, but i do WANT to be able to support myself at least in part by now.) but considering the fact that it's already mid june (and i'm out of the country for a week pretty soon), even if there were seasonal positions still available around me no one is realistically gonna hire me for only two months of work. i think i'm pretty much fucked on that account and i just have to get over it at this point. still, it would be nice if even a fraction of the jobs i've applied to so far would even message me back...but almost none of them have. sigh!

[mysunshine-youremoonlight]

.

[blarshwritezz]

Can I request a yandere mafia boss x fem reader Nsfw where reader just wants to finish her education and get her dream job when the mafia boss asks her out but when she declines so he just makes sure reader will never be accepted back into any universities anywhere or get any jobs ever as a way of showing how well he can "provide"

I'm finally back! probably

Yandere Mafia Boss x Careerwoman Reader

M yan x F reader

TW - manipulation, abuse of power, NSFW, kidnapping

"I'm sorry?" You raised an eyebrow and looked at your dean. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. You're expelled under the premise of violating this university's code of conduct."

You didn't understand. What did you do? Did you violate some obscure rule that you've never heard of? But that couldn't be! Sure you may have gone against a few small rules every once in a while, but everyone did! You've done nothing to warrant this, you were a model student!

But it looked like there was no hope. You left campus rejected, never to return.

This was truly awful. This was your walk of shame. Your apartment wasn't far, so usually you walked. It was always nice to get some fresh air.

And along your walk, of course you ran into him. You didn't know much about him but he just seemed dangerous. And he seemed to like you.

"Why the long face, darlin'?" He asked, walking alongside you.

You ignored him, hoping to get rid of him. But of course, that didn't work.

"You know, if you were my woman you'd never have bad days. I'd spoil you to no end." He wrapped an arm tightly around your waist, guiding you to walk another direction. You tried to resist, not wanting to deal with him today, but of course he dragged you along anyway.

You didn't have time for this. You had to figure out where to go in life from here. Maybe you could apply to another university? You wouldn't have good enough chances because of this new expulsion on your record. But surely somebody would still take you, right?

So you, of course, struggled and struggled to get out of his grasp, but to no avail. His grip was strong, and only tightened the more you tried to get away. He didn't let go of you for a second. When you got to his luxury car, he even sat you on his lap while he drove. You wanted to get away, but you didn't want to be in a car crash, so tried to stay out of the way.

"If you keep squirming around like that, I might have to pull over and teach you how to be still." His husky voice whispered in your ear. He pulled you tighter against him, something hard rubbing against your thigh. You hoped it was just his phone in his pocket.

As you pulled up to his mansion, your jaw dropped. You knew he was rich, but what was he, a billionaire?! You didn't even know what he did for a living!

While you were gaping at his little home, he took that as an opportunity to carry you inside. Somehow, the inside was even more impressive. You see at you even saw a few servants, but that only made sense for a home of this size.

"You see, this is the kind of life I can give you. All this and more, my darling." His hot breath brushed against your ear as he spoke.

His grip on you only tightened as he carried you up to your room. He's spent so long preparing it just for you. And him too, of course. His woman should have a suitable living space.

And it certainly did not disappoint. It was like your dream room to the max. You even spotted a few items you previously had in your apartment around the room. You were going to ask, but he tossed you on the bed and got on top of you before you had the chance.

You didn't need to know that he had his men break into your apartment and bring everything here while you were being expelled.

"And you know, it's not just luxury I can provide." He grinded against you slowly, his hand cupping your breast. "I can give you more pleasure than you can dream of, you know."

Again, he gave you no time to answer. His lips were immediately on your neck, gently sucking and biting, making you gasp. He was especially hard on your more sensitive areas, making sure to leave as many hickeys as he could.

He groaned as he went lower and your shirt got in the way, annoyed. Damn thing limiting his access to your gorgeous body. So naturally, he ripped it off of you, murmuring that he'd replace it between kisses and bites.

He did the same with your bra, pausing for a moment to stare. This close of a view was way better than spying on you with binoculars.

His mouth soon enveloped one of you sensitive nipples, his hand pinching and playing with the other. He swirled his tongue around then sensitive bud, only spurred on by your pretty whimpers.

He didn't want to leave your breasts, but he just had to. If he wanted to get to his ultimate goal, that is. So his kisses trailer down your stomach, and before he had the chance to be stopped your pants and underwear were already shredded and discarded like your other clothes.

He let put a soft moan when he finally reached your perfect pussy. Fuck, you just tasted to good! Oh and those sounds you made, it was like you wanted this more than he did. And you were already so wet too.

He attached himself to your cute little clit, gently sucking and flicking the bundle of nerves with his tongue as two of his fingers found their place inside your wet hole. He started gently, of course; he didn't want to give you too much at once. Not yet. But soon he couldn't help himself.

His mouth and fingers got rougher, his free hand holding your hip. He was only further encouraged when your thighs wrapped around his head, keeping him trapped against your pussy. He'd gladly eat you put until he suffocates or until you passed out. Whichever happened first.

And he couldn't help but grind into the bed as your fingers found their proper place in his hair. His moans as you made his head move however you wanted vibrated against your lower lips, driving you closer to the edge.

Eventually it was too much. You just had to cum. And he happily lapped up every last drop as you kept his head firmly pressed against you.

"Oh, Darlin'," He groaned, a perverse smile on his face as you finally looked up at him. "You really do make me crazy~"

This was the one that I apparently forgot to save so most of it got deleted a while back lol

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Dark SBI Mafia AU because I reread yours, and I watch too much General Hospital.

Techno is a struggling college student. Not struggling with grades, oh no. He has perfect grades. All of the assigned work? Too easy. What he actually struggling with? Money.

His asshole parents wanted him to stay local for college, but he wasn't going to do that. He was destined for greatness. He was a shoe-in for an ivy league school. He did fencing as an extra curricular, he had perfect grades, he had written KILLER entrance essays. It was a done deal. He was leaving his podunk small town and going off to become the next great american author.

But all of his applications were rejected.

Techno was incredibly upset with himself, thinking he had somehow messed up. But, after doing a little "legal adjacent" searching, he finds out his parents used shady connections to get his college apps rejected.

Instead of getting mad and calling them on it, he quietly (and quickly) applies to a different school. Not ivy league, but still having a FANTASTIC writing program.

He gets in and he tells his parents he is going to a different college than the community college and they flip their lid. It's a huge argument and Techno stomps out of the house and goes to stay with his friend Skeppy.

He stays with Skeppy until he graduates, completely ignoring everytime his parents try to contact him. He's 18, they can't do shit to make him go home. Skeppy is a good friend, and applies to the same school that Techno did (and gets in). Techno never told his parents WHICH school he was accepted to, because he didn't want them to sabotage him. So, he and Skeppy get an apartment together the Fall that school starts.

Hence why Techno needs money. He didn’t get as much scholarship money as he needed because he applied late. He's a shoe in to get more grants next year, but this year is pretty slim.

So, he starts a little business of writing people's essays for them.

Doesn't matter the subject, level, or length, Techno will write your essay for you. He charges by the grade. Oh, you only have $70? I can't get you more than a C on that one, bud. Like, Techno is really only in college for the diploma. He already knows all this crap. It's honestly a little boring to him. But if he wants to get a doctorate, he has to play the game. And, if anything, all the writing is just more practice for Techno.

His teachers are none the wiser. It's not like it pings a plagerism scan. Techno is writing each one individually. How would they know?

Well, one teacher knows. Or, at least suspects. But he can't prove it.

Anyways, Techno is all about that money grind, which gets a little hard when Skeppy starts throwing parties in their apartment.

Skeppy is polite about it. He always tells Techno ahead of time that parties are happening. He makes sure everyone knows that Techno's room is a No-Go. And honestly, Techno ABSOLUTELY advertises his essay sells at these parties. At least, he does so before people get too drunk and loud, and then he quickly retreats to his room. He had splurged on soundproofing. It's much more quiet.

However, one night he stays out at the library late and when he fights his way through Skeppy's party to get to his room he sees someone sleeping in his bed.

Wait, not sleeping, passed out absolutely WASTED.

And the guy...looks almost exactly like Techno.

That's weird. Seems like the start to a bad horror film. But Techno is too tired to deal with this and tries to shake awake the jerk that's snoozing in his bed.

He doesn't get anywhere with that. The lanky bastard doesn't wake at all but GOSH does be sleep slap! Bruh. Techno doesn't have time for this. Techno finds the guys wallet and phone and pulls up the emergency contacts.

He calls the option labeled Dad. Screw this guy, hopefully he gets chewed out by his dad for underage drinking or something.

A person answers, sounding annoyed that Wilbur ditched family night.

"Uh, I have your son."

Silence, and then the guy on the other end starts the threats, asking for demands and Techno backpedals hard, telling him that Wilbur is just drunk passed out in his bed and someone needs to come grab him.

The voice on the other end is just like "Oh, oops. Okay, I'll come grab him."

Techno has to drag mostly unconscious drunk Wilbur through the party. The dude is fighting him with every step. Techno is getting a WORK OUT.

Techno finally makes it out of his apartment and sees a very shiny black car. A driver steps out and opens a back door. Techno was assuming that he was just going to drop Wilbur in there before a blonde man steps out.

The guy is kind of staring until Techno breaks the silence. The guy hurries forward to help. Wilbur mutters nonsense as Phil sets him in the back of the car.

Phil thanks Techno and Techno brushes it off as no big. Until Phil offers money and hey, Techno isn't going to say no to money. And the guy gives him, like, $2000 cash. Is that sketchy? Yes. Does Techno care? Nope.

They say their goodbyes and Techno walks back into the apartment, a little exhausted.

He doesn't notice Phil staring after him like a hawk, before climbing into the car.

Phil maneuvers Wilbur's head into his lap. He looks down at his son, his oldest son who was born a twin. Who's twin was stolen when they were only DAYS old, Phil preoccupied with helping his wife who had had a really traumatic birth.

A twin he had thought dead, the person who had stolen his son having spit that in his face when he had slit their throat.

Phil pulled out his phone and started making calls.

When Wilbur starts hanging around Techno, he assumes that the guy wants a discount on essays. Fat chance. He charges Skeppy double, he's not giving this guy any leeway.

Yet Wilbur hangs around, constantly asking prying questions. Wanting to know more about Techno. Pestering Techno in the library. Following Techno to the dang bathroom.

The guy is relentless, but Techno isn't...bothered, per se. The attention is nice. Skeppy had made a new friend named Bad and spent a ton of time with him. He kept encouraging Techno to make more friends, too.

Well, what could another friend hurt?

It's surely fiiiineee.

Have a good day.

I kept this ask hostage for so long, it's been collecting dust in my ask box for over a MONTH. But only because I wanted to come back and keep rereading it. This is SO GOOD, and my brain has brrr thoughts in many different dimensions. Especially about how Techno's 'adoptive' parents could factor into this...

[hopeymchope]

How "I'm In Love With the Villainess" crashed and burned in front of me during its last few episodes

I've gotten this one recommended to me multiple times now, so I tried "I'm In Love With the Villainess". The main protagonist (initially named Rei before she gets isekai'd) is a young lesbian who fell head-over-heels for the rival/villain in an otome game, then one night suddenly blinks and finds herself in that game's world, where she inhabits the body of that game's protagonist, Rae Taylor.

No further explanation for the dimension-hopping is given or necessary! That's not important. Rei/Rae promptly confesses her undying love to the aforementioned villainness, aka "Miss Claire" and ignores all of the game's intended (sadly for her, male) love interests for herself, instead focusing on spending the most time she can with Miss Claire.

Unfortunately, Rae's advances are deeply unwanted and make Miss Claire extremely uncomfortable. She even makes overt sexual references to the poor girl. The goofy vocal intonations of our protag make it clear that this is "wacky hijinx" despite the fact that if she were a man, this would be treated as a fucking crime. (See also: Kuroko Shirai's behavior towards Mikoto Misaka in A Certain Scientific Railgun.)

Despite all of that, it's not like I haven't enjoyed problematic relationships in my anime before now! For the love of Deus, I'm even in the tank for Yunoteru. It's also not like I DON'T think this series is funny, because it is. Against all odds and all reasonable logic, the wacky antics of Rae really do come off as legitimately hilarious on many occasions.

Claire, for her part, does everything she can to bully or offend or outright beat Rae into leaving her alone during the earliest episodes. But Rae... um, she doesn't really accept rejection. And kind of gets off on the beatings.

Once again: What's goofy/funny here would be AWFUL in reality. But in this context? Seeing Rae so sincerely enjoy the abuse she receives is funny! (Well... it was to me.) And eventually — after Rae blackmails Claire's father into hiring her as Claire's personal maid against Clarie's own pleas — Claire is forced to accept that Rae will just be omnipresent, regardless of her desire to drive this lunatic away.

"DO NOT touch me!" "But your hands are so soft!"

There's a simultaneously super-sweet AND semi-tragic undercurrent to all this madness. See, the obvious fact is that Miss Claire is straight. She has a crush on one of the otome game's princes, and her dislike of Rae's advances is made ABUNDANTLY clear. And Claire even initially shows an offensive prejudice towards Rae for being gay that really parallels real-world issues. And it's cool how that's all discussed/addressed! But Rae is somehow understanding of all this and even helps Claire with her own romantic pursuits, because she says she's happy just being able to help the person she adores so much. That's why Rae happily endures Claire's initial bullying/abuse. That's why she even applies to be Claire's maid. And after that, an extremely unlikely yet weirdly heartfelt friendship begins to grow between the two. Claire may still intensely protest Rae's perverted comments and is uncomfortable when Rae openly speaks of her love, but she also grows to trust Rae's counsel and companionship. It's... weird, and in real life it'd probably be ill-advised, but it feels oddly beautiful in this bizarre fictional context. (Which once again reminds me of Kuroko Shirai and Mikoto Misaka: Their friendship in A Certain Scientific Railgun feels bizarrely sweet despite how much it'd be an awful idea and VERY unhealthy if this were reality.)

So here I was, really enjoying the weird purity (if that's the right term?) of Rae's undemanding love, and the funny antics that she and Claire would get into, and rooting for Rae to find a nice woman who'd be a good match for her that would let her let go of her unhealthy fixation on the unattainable. But I realized that last desire was probably more of an endgame thing for the story, so I knew I was in for a long haul here. Along our path through all this, we get to watch Rae trying to play cupid for her beloved Miss Claire and the boy she's sweet on. We also get some pretty legit worldbuilding about the struggle of the working class vs. the nobility and the threat of revolution, some magic-based action, and uh........................ there's also an incest subplot about some supporting characters thrown in too because WTF?

But even THAT wasn't the turn that ruined it for me.

Because then things took THE TURN.

(***SPOILERS*** FOR THE LAST TWO OR SO EPISODES BELOW)

Look, everybody has different lines they're willing or unwilling to cross. In both real life AND in fiction. I think most people are more accepting of things in fiction than they'd be in RL, but there's still some kind of event horizon where everyone will go "TOO FAR IMO" and mentally check out/completely stop consuming the story.

In last few episodes of the series/season, a character rolls in who... it doesn't matter who they are. Let's call her The Interloper. The Interloper finds it legitimately enraging that Rae is just accepting that she won't be with Claire. "If you were SERIOUS about your love, you'd FIGHT to be with her!" she demands. And this feels so utterly, DEEPLY opposed to everything beautiful and sweet about Rae's affection, but... no, we're apparently meant to AGREE with The Interloper's bizarre attitude.

"Get out there and CONVERT that hetero bitch already!" "........wut?"

This Interloper does everything she can to spur Rae into legitimately fighting, tooth and nail, to get Claire to date her. And it.... fucking works????!?!???! The series ends with Claire and Rae as a COUPLE?!?!?!

So uh. I guess if you just do something impressive enough to really bowl over the object of your affections, it doesn't matter if they're gay or straight or whatever! They will legitimately change their entire sexual orientation FOR YOU. All you have to do is keep hammering away at that person rejecting you, and you can convert them into whatever you need! And you should absolutely FIGHT to make that happen, the show says!

Or how about this: FUCK. YOU.

Yeah, this was my "TOO FAR." It pissed me off to no fucking end.

Of course, I would've been perfectly justified to be pissed off much, much earlier. I could've easily been pissed at Rae's refusal to accept rejection and the fact that this is never seen as a problem or called out by anyone. I could've rightly been offended by the idea of this stalker and the object of her affection actually growing friendly with each other. I could've switched it off after the random incest. I could've been repelled by a physical abuser and the object of that abuse hooking up at the end (remember: Claire didn't KNOW that Rae would enjoy the beatings when she was actually performing the beatings). I would've been justified in any of those cases!

But it's like I said before: Our individual lines vary. I've certainly been ok with problematic relationships in fiction before. Partly because I've slowly accepted that in real life, our relationships can be messy and weird and distressing and born from bizarre, unwise circumstances. But... flipping a heretofore-aggressively-cishet character to suddenly be open to playing for the other team? That feels like a bridge too far for me.

And I accept that for you, reader? It might NOT be a bridge too far. If you can enjoy this despite all of what it entails? The more power to you.

In retrospect, the conclusion might've been an easier turn for me to swallow if (A) the series didn't actually take the time to seriously address some queer issues before this. Like, if this show had NEVER tried to give a shit about actual sexual orientation and prejudices about it, I think it might be easier for me to take this transgression LESS seriously because maybe I could be like "They're not remotely taking any of this stuff seriously/don't understand any of these issues, I shouldn't be suprised, it's more of a wish fulfillment thing at this point." It might also have helped if (B) the series ever made an effort to portray Claire as being attracted to a girl before this instead of always being freaked out/repulsed by the concept of homosexuality. But only in these last couple of episodes do we meet the aforementioned Interloper, who is actually a girl but who Claire used to have a little-kid crush on when she THOUGHT the Interloper was a boy (because they can pass as either pretty easy). This is the closest we get to Claire showing any openness towards/attraction to the same sex, and it only comes at the exact moment when we're angrily told that by a newcomer that the sweet and touching relationship at its core is somehow wrong, because the right thing is to convert someone to the sexuality you demand of them.

Christ. Can you imagine if this anime was about magically converting a gay person to become straight at the end? Can you imagine the RIGHTEOUS FURY that would have unleashed??????

No. I just can't with this. But your mileage may vary, and the fact that I'm spoiling the events of these last few eps might actually HELP your mileage to vary. Because I honestly think that if I knew this was coming, it might not have pissed me off as much as it did. I could've braced myself for the impact.

OOOOORRRRRR maybe I would never have been happy with how the earlier eps handled things if I knew where it was all headed in the long-term. Because for me, this adorable little comedy really just absolutely faceplanted into dog shit at the last lap.

Too bad.

[xbeezchaos]

BPD Scara! X reader pt.5

How he handles his jealousy/someone else gets in his way

The bitches have spoke. And by bitches I mean the lovely little audience I’ve acquired that loves my scara bpd series. I’ve got some shit in the works but this gives me the perfect space to write. Keep in mind. All this is based off my unmedicated internal thoughts along with external actions. Don’t self diagnose and if you relate to this. You’re not a psychopath don’t romanticize having a bpd partner cause not everyone’s like me.

Anyways. Let’s continue!!

He’s liked you for so long that if anything he’d break if you rejected him. So he’s mostly kept his feelings bottled up and been very particular about expressing them.

He has a fear that if he goes too far in expressing his emotions to you. That you’ll leave.

Has written you love letters confessing his undying love for you and the things he’d do for you

Makes playlists with songs you like and that remind him of you so he can daydream about you when you’re away from him

The moment you give him a taste of affection he’s asking for more like a touch starved little pup.

He’s clingy and defensive with you in public. He will fight a bitch that looks at you for too long

Has almost been arrested but somehow convinced the officers he beat the crap out of the dude in self defense and got let off easy

Has a photo album of you filled with many pictures of the both of you to stalker like photos of you

Learns your whole schedule so he knows when to text, when to call and go over.

You’re definitely his favorite person. But a romantic favorite person which means you’re his whole world

If anyone ever tried flirting with him and it’s not you. Trust he’d make that person cry, or pour hot coffee on them if they tried touching him

He hates physically contact if it isn’t coming from you. When he’s in his “don’t touch me” mood. It rarely ever applies to you cause he’s seeking you out for comfort

Can’t compliment you or be fully soft and romantic with you without adding in a form of insult to it.

“I love you, stupid bitch.” You would’ve thought he was joking but the way he avoids eye contact and tries to hide the both on his face tells you he’s serious

He loves to cuddle. And wants to kiss and squish your cute face in his hands anytime he gets the chance. But you’d probably never leave his arms if that were to happen.

Rarely gets mad at you. You’d have to do something super fucked up to make him pissed at you and stay pissed at you. But for this. Let’s crack into how he’d act if you upset him.

If you were his romantic FP and you had a partner. He’d hate your partner with his whole being. Treat them like shit. Talk down on them. Just straight up bully the poor thing until they didn’t like him and you had to reprimand him.

If you reprimand him he’ll still not see a problem with his behaviors. In his mind he’s right and the other persons wrong for stealing you away. How dare they take what’s his? Fuck them!

Even tho he really gets mad at you. His paranoia will sometimes trigger him into a silent episode where he’ll ignore you because he’s convinced you hate him and talking to you will prove it (you literally don’t hate him but he hasn’t come to a rational mind yet)

If you’re a platonic FP— you’ve got it somewhat easier. But it’s just the lacking romance part. He’s still going to be a black cat sitting at your feet, attacking people that try to come near you.

Platonic fps for him are like. His best friends. You’ll be his best friend and anyone who passes a threat to that relationship is clearly asking for him to just tease them apart mentally.

You’ve witnessed him target a persons every physical and mental insecurity and issues like they were big red targets on their bodies for him to shoot at. He’s relentless and careless when he’s tearing someone down. You’ve never heard such hurtful or creative insults flow like poetry from someone before.

Has a secret addiction to confrontation. The adrenaline rush is like a drug for him especially when he knows he’ll be the victor of the situation

[rabbitindisguise]

Pansexuals are cool. I keep seeing people misinterpreting the history of it, assuming it's cis people being faux progressive and fixing a word problem that isn't actually even there, rather than of trans people being rejected by bisexuals because of transphobia and choosing to take up the word pansexual instead (especially to find people who categorically could not exclude trans people from the dating pool on the basis of their orientation)

I don't believe all bisexuals or bisexuality itself is transphobic, but at the same time "we're not inherently transphobic" feels a sloppy apology for decades of cis people going ew yuck a trans person bi people don't date transsexuals- and while that's not the main reason I'm not bi it's certainly not encouraging when bi cis people still ignore that history to claim to be Super Allies like transphobia being said by cis bi people never was a problem

And like I'm polysexual so the only horse I have is how much it sucks when people get pissy about newer identity terms. But nonetheless it's really annoying as an observer when people are using queer history for some kind of exclusionary agenda to justify saying pan people are transphobic somehow (???). Pansexuals are fundamentally a group just trying to either be kind to their trans partners and trans people, or trying to find potential people who will date them as a trans person without outing themselves first. That's an important safer space like T4T is an important safer space, it just includes trans people not willing to swear off dating cis people entirely.

And for bi and trans people who aren't afraid of some random bi person getting transphobic with them, I have infinite respect for that specifically. I wish more bi cis people understood that the rest of us aren't interested in playing transphobia chicken though. It's not personal. I don't think bi people are transphobic because I'm mspec but not bi. I think pansexuals want to advertise that they're willing to put in the work to date a trans person even if they're cis, and trans pansexuals want to be flagging that they're T4T, and non-binary pansexuals want an option that doesn't even suggest binary language applying to something so personal about themselves. I think as a polysexual I'm not interested in seeing if I'm attracted to men and women, or even if I'm attracted to men or women. To call myself bisexual and potentially just not be interested in binary women or binary men would be super confusing.

We all have good reasons that not be bi, and even if they were bad reasons we'd still not be bi because it's about what we pick to call ourselves. I'm not pansexual and no one has had a problem accepting that so far, so it's disappointing to keep getting heckled by cis people that I'm not bi. It's especially frustrating because basically all bi people I know in real life and even online are totally accepting of all my weird complex labels and totally lovely, so this is an obscure phenomenon like radical feminism is in the grand scheme of feminism as a whole. It's also disrespectful to bi trans people to reduce systematic oppression to pansexuals existing and I hate that they're using tackling biphobia as the mouthpiece of exclusionary rhetoric.

(Of course there's also people who are like "lav this is a lot of thoughts on a topic I wasn't even aware existed before reading this post" and thank goodness for that)

[narhinafan]

Actually Hinata didn’t land any hits on Pain unfortunately… the effects you see signify Pain simply blocking her attacks. Not only does Sakura have more badass moments than Hinata, but she’s also a better written character too. Hinata was well written in part 1, but in shippuden, her whole character ends up revolving around Naruto despite the fact that Naruto only shows romantic interest in Sakura the whole time. Naruto even ignores Hinata’s love confession, shows he wants to confess to Sakura and calls her his girlfriend to his dad. Hinata deserves better.

Wrong besides the fact the gentle fist can't be blocked so those still count as hits, the fact Pain gets pushed back at all shows she is hitting him add that Pain didn't defend himself with Shinra Tensei as usual also implies that she was the reason he got pushed back. In all his fights have you ever seen Tendo Pain block normally or get pushed back even once no cause he never had to since he has Shinra Tensei. So Pain still took hits from Hinata no matter how you look at it.

You are completely wrong about Sakura like what is badass about bringing your teammates down and needed to get saved all the time. While she has some good moments, but they instantly get overshadowed by somthing.

Really your complaining about Hinata liking Naruto when Sakura is obsessed with Sasuke, the only reason Sakura became a ninja was cause of Sasuke till Sasuke left the village Sakura never bothered with her ninja training. Hinata at least has always taken her ninja training and career seriously outside of Naruto. The only reason Hinata doesn't show up much unless Naruto is around in part 2 is cause the manga is about Naruto, it's not a character fault, but a story fault that Hinata simply didn't get many scenes in part 2 unless Naruto was somehow involved. The same applies to many other characters they don't get to show up unless what Naruto is doing at the time or what they are doing at the time somehow involves Naruto.

Incorrect what Naruto felt for Sakura was only shallow crush which developed from his rivalry with Sasuke. In part 1 you would notice that whenever the crush gets brought up it is only when Sasuke is involved usually after he rejects Sakura in someway. Even in part 2 it makes it clear that it is shallow and more somthing Naruto does out of habit not realising that what he feels for Sakura isn't romantic.

Really Naruto didn't ignore Hinata's love confession and Hinata's confession actually gets misinterpreted due to Japanese cultrate and language. Due to Japanese being shy about showing affection they rarely use the phases that when literally translated means 'I love you' instead they usually use Suki or Daisuki which means like, but can very easily be taken in a platonic way so it is very easy for Naruto misinterpreted as her meaning she is fond of him and sees him as important friend and not that she was confessing that she loves him romantically. In English however especially those kinds of words in that scene can only really be translated into 'I love you' which in ours and most other languages leaves no room for misinterpretation. So you see Naruto didn't ignore her confession, but rather it is simply taken the wrong due to Japanese culture somthing Hinata also understands hence why she doesn't get to hung up on her failed confession cause she knows Naruto misunderstood and not that she got rejected.

It doesn't really show him wanting to confess to Sakura the closest was Sai misinterpreting and even then Sai admitted his understanding of emotions and them in general wasn't the best. Plus Naruto at that point doesn't realise his crush on Sakura is shallow, he didn't understand what actual romantic love feels like and hence doesn't realise that he isn't serious about Sakura.

in fact near the end it implies that Naruto was realising what he felt for Sakura isn't romantic love. Like during her fake confession Naruto wasn't happy at all and caught on to her lie straight away now him catching on is understandable, but he would have shown some happy reaction before realising the truth, but he doesn't. Sakura's confession even before he notices something is off doesn't make him happy and instead he just questions it, further more the fact Naruto takes her fake confession quite well further implies that his feelings for her wasn't serious. Like if the girl you liked faked a confession you are going to be a little upset no matter what, but Naruto isn't cause what he feels for Sakura isn't somthing that would make him happy or upset over a confession.

When Naruto says she is his girlfriend to Minato in the manga there is a pause before he replies with "I guess you can say that" Naruto himself was hesitant to agree and gave only a half hearted reply, this is different from how Naruto would normally quickly agree or getting embarrassed over someone suggesting Sakura was his girlfriend. There is clear contrast between how Naruto reacts and treats his crush on Sakura in part 1 then part 2 and that is cause Naruto was growing up and starting to become aware that what he thought he felt towards Sakura wasn't romantic love.

Naruto in part 1

Naruto in part 2

[tacostrufflestragedies]

I feel resentment. And I feel stuck. And I feel like the world is passing me by.

Part 1

The puppy has gotten better, but it's a draining feeling to know that a living being depends on you, no matter how your mental health is or how much you slept. She's cute, she's feisty. She's a lot better now than she was when we got her. But I wanted an older dog, like 6-8 months at the youngest, so that we could leave them alone for longer. And I just wanted an easier time with the whole thing. But she really wanted a puppy. And me, in my sleep-deprived, appeasing, ignorant nature, said yes. And here we are.

She's said I can pull back from puppy care. I can leave her at home and do the bare minimum. "Just don't let her die". But everything I read says that if I leave her alone all day, she'll pee and poop in her pen and get separation anxiety, which can lead to making things worse down the road.

I think one important thing for me to think about, which K has brought up multiple times, is that I suck with change. I was fired and it threw me off. Took me weeks to address my sleep issues and loneliness (still working on it). And with the puppy, I wanted to give up. Meanwhile, she teaches all week and is focused on just surviving but is still somehow doing better than me.

She's seen me go through multiple life-changing events (getting laid off, being unemployed and struggling, taking a shitty job and struggling, getting fired and struggling). It's almost like all she knows of me is struggling with mental health and physical ailments. I was doing great when we started dating. Then I was laid off, took a month off to chill, started applying, kept getting rejected, then around October I just started declining. After taking a shitty job and struggling again (with anxiety and sleep and lightheadedness), she nearly broke up with me. She said I was "living in my misery" and she was fed up with it. I pulled myself together, partly because she threatened to break up with me but also because we had a heart-to-heart where I basically told her "I don't feel safe here. I don't feel like I can be my true self and be vulnerable here" and she stepped up, as much as she could given her strained capacity from teaching, and then things were okay for awhile.

Being fired and then having sleep problems again has brought me down again. And now we're getting back to the "living in misery" stage

[erigold13261]

Random HCs of Pav and Gayatri (applies to both canon and the NSpideR AU)

Pav and Gaya became friends when Gaya was singing. Pav fell in love with her voice! The others… were afraid of her though.

Later, they realized that Pav wanted to be like cool boy like Gaya and vice versa. They were both trans! They chose each other’s names.

Gaya’s dad immediately accepted her because it all clicked for him, the clothes, the rejection to cut her hair, her friends mostly being other girls… Her mother… didn’t. She just said it was going to be a phase, and ignored her wishes. She was also afraid of her daughter’s powers, which she had no immunity to.

inspector Singh decided to fight to get full custody of his daughter to keep her safe.

he somehow succeeded, and now Gayatri barely meets her mother. (She has abandonment issues and anxiety though)

seeing how Pavitr makes his daughter happy, inspector Singh considers Pav to be his secondary family.

now, they were both in elementary school and quite content, but as they got older, people made strange jokes around them saying that “boys don’t have feeling for other boys if they aren’t gay.” Turns out they were both mspec.

After the rock revolution, things got much harder for Pav. His peers teased him for being the cousin of Eve, and started to fear he would “Diva Realm” them

those fears became true, and he accidentally used his powers on them.

this earned him a recommendation to go to Nueva York.

Pav was miserable in Nueva York for the first few weeks, barely talking to anyone but Gayatri, via video chats every night.

Hobie reached out to him, and asked how Eve was able to master her powers while not going to Nueva York.

This is all I have for them now…

1). She had absolutely thought she hypnotized him at first and refused to talk to him or get near him. After a while though, when the singing would have OBVIOUSLY not been affecting him though, and he still tried to hang out with her, that was when she started to let him in closer.

2). Oh that's really sweet! I like that a lot!

3). I for some reason felt like Gaya's mom isn't around at all (either died or left, forgot what I wanted to go with), but if she is around I can definitely see her being like this. Possibly having Gaya be mute or extremely quiet because of no immunity to her voice like her husband ended up having.

4). Good for him! Keep his daughter away from that awful woman (especially if she did what I suggested in keeping Gayatri quiet).

5). Poor Gayatri. At least she has a father who wants her and is absolutely willing to fight for her.

6). At first I do see Inspector Singh being hesitant to let Pav around, but like you said, after seeing how happy he made her, especially after the divorce, you better believe he was doing what he could to make sure Pav stayed in his daughter's life.

7). For some reason I always read mspec as "male spectrum" and not "multiple spectrum/multiple-attraction spectrum" and so think it's specifically a term for gay men. Anyway, wouldn't they be seen as a "straight" couple, or were people just being total asshats and accepting Pav as a guy while denying Gaya the label of girl. That's probably what it was.

8). There's probably rumors that Eve poisoned Pav's mind or that Eve ran away to NSR because of Pav being born. Like truly awful shit to try and make Pav feel bad (as well as him being unhinged or crazy like Eve). Literally anything to try and get under his skin.

9). The fears coming true in that instance probably made even more rumors spread and the ones already around just got bigger/more "real" to everyone. Pav is in an absolutely lose-lose situation with no outside help really coming (other than Gaya and Nueva York's "help")

10). More like a "strong recommendation" that Pav and his family couldn't really fight against (though thankfully Pav actually believed in this company and so went willing and wasn't giving the traumatizing forced to go to Nueva York option).

11). And yea, even if he did go willingly, he would still be miserable because of the culture shock, loneliness, and overall situation her was in sucking the joy out of almost everything.

12). Pav hadn't thought about how Eve had mastered them, but that was enough to make Pav snap a bit out of his depression and think a bit. It got him talking with Hobie a bit and the this is probably when Hobie starts to hint that Nueva York isn't actually going to help Pav without fully saying it yet (Pav is still in shock from everything and Hobie wants to get his trust before outright saying how shitty Nueva York is and to not trust it)

[mmmmalo]

For anyone still under the impression that June Egbert is just a product of the Toblerone wishes with no particular relevance to Homestuck proper, here's an argument to the contrary: that June (or whatever you like to call her) was already here, woven into John's relationship with the idea of Dad.

Act 1 has a certain preoccupation with the ideal forms of things, John having multiple instances of saying X isn't a REAL X unless it has this or that characteristic. "A fire BELONGS in a fireplace, categorically." One of those outbursts touches upon masculinity, with John saying a gentleman without a monocle is a piss-poor excuse for such. Along such a paradigm, you might gather that something like John saying the beaglepuss sucks as a disguise or trying (and failing) to integrate Dad's pipe into the façade communicates that John is kind of grasping at this ideal of masculinity exemplified by Dad and getting frustrated that he can't seem to measure up to it (or that masculinity feels "fake" on him).

This sort of dynamic is more blatant with Dave, who talks openly about how he isn't a "hero", not really, measuring himself against the impossible standards set by his Bro. But as much was already implicit in Act 1.

Later it gets established that John has some kind of fear of heights: the first ogres appear after John experiences vertigo from almost falling off the stairs, and again after getting launched by the pogo hammer. (Just as Karkat suspected he was given a planet covered in his own blood as a form of harassment, Sburb placed John's house on that needle plateau because of this fear of heights; the game generally manifests adversaries in response to fear). The phobia becomes relevant to Dad stuff after the ogre fight is over, when John is hesitating to jump down into Dad's room: it isn't just that John's nervous about entering the room for the first time, the descent itself makes John anxious. Furthermore, this juxtaposition serves to establish that the fear of heights and anxieties around Dad are related somehow, if not outright synonymous. The two are associated again at the beginning of Act 5 Act 2, when dream!John tries to jump over a canyon to reach Dad, but awakens mid-leap. The formal reason John awakens is Vriska of course, but if we ignore her we're left with John approaching Dad and immediately experiencing vertigo. (The name "June" comes from Vriska contacting John shortly after this dream, incidentally)

This comes up again when John finds Dad's wallet and gets overwhelmed by the prospect of Manhood and the responsibilities it entails -- next thing you know John is flying around in Dad's car, having fun... and after the scene is interrupted by Seek the Highblood, we return to find John crashing the car (another fall from the sky!) and talking with Vriska about dread surrounding societal expectations, and the possibility of rejecting them to pursue something different for yourself. John came into the scene worried (if quietly) about the expectations surrounding manhood, so the Vriska conversation serves to makes those kind of concerns more vivid.

The car crash is itself kind of a metaphor for that conversation's trajectory... in Act 6 we see something analogous play out among the Dersites who have gotten into dapper-wear: one Dersite sits on a hat, panics about ruining it, and then begins to wonder if perhaps a crumpled hat could have a value of its own, aesthetically. (Dirk expresses this sort of counter-assessment more bombastically: "...the next best thing. By which you mean, the vastly superior thing.") Dad Crocker swoops in to condemn the crumpled hat, but the Dersite's tentative revaluation of an apparent failure mode is something the scene shares with Vriska, who initially regards her ambivalence towards murder as a symptom of personal failure, unbefitting her caste. John enters that conversation with a crumpled car, and from context we can guess John's revaluation concerns "failing" to be a man in the way Dad is, and how maybe that doesn't need to be considered a failure.

As laid out so far, I guess none of this quite necessitates trans-Egbert, since people can come at "anxiety and reservations at the prospect of embodying masculine ideals" from a number of angles... but there are other considerations which make me think wrestling with self-deprecating thoughts like "I'm a failed man" are maybe comorbid with a budding sense of being a girl, in Egbert's case.

Foremost, I think it helps to recognize that Dad's car can function as a symbol of John's body. To sketch a case for that:

1a. Death often means transformation: the trolls die in questcocoons to reach the godtiers, suggesting that death stands between the caterpillar and the butterfly, their too solid flesh dissolved into a goo.

1b. A command in Act 1 implores John to "retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST". John complies twofold: we see some fake arms retrieved from the toy chest, held up by John's real arms which have been "retrieved" from John's ostensibly armless torso.

2. This dual usage of chest is deployed in part 3 of Openbound, in service of building a dysphoria metaphor (among other things). The segment reintroduces us to Fiduspawn, a game in which one creature hatches from another, a host creature, killing the host in the process (fans of the Alien films may recognize this as derivative of the "chestburster", fans of Homestuck may recognize this as analogous to godtiering). Damara (who Rufioh refers to as "doll") becomes the host plush, who is accused of locking away Rufioh's "happy thought" (Tinkerbull) in her "chest". Rufioh's beef with Damara serves to illustrate an adversarial relationship with one's own body, the ways in which the body itself seems to function as a barrier to some happiness. The carnal imprisonment of euphoria (the "happy thought") represents dysphoria. The conversation between Kanaya and Porrim which follows has analogous content and offers a potential resolution to such a conflict, with Kanaya coming to distinguish her body from the reproductive duties assigned to her body by her caste's place in society, and knowing that she is not "bound" to the Matriorb by any will but her own...

3. But the paradigm of Fiduspawn reminds us that the act of actually ripping the happy thought out of your chest has suicidal overtones, when taken literally. And Aradiabot notwithstanding, the inner ghosts the kids give up are often green: Dirkbot tears out his uranium heart and explodes, Rose peels pink bricks off the green core of an island and wonders aloud if her existence is a mistake, and (returning to our main topic!) John tries to retrieve the green package from Dad's car. The retrieval of the box comes to represents the birth of the self from its shell, the now broken body, a gesture which overlaps with the pursuit of death.

So we can infer that Dad is akin to Damara here, having locked the desired object (the box, the "happy thought") within a container that we can identify with John's own body. Thus Vriska's talk of perhaps rejecting her assigned role in society proceeds naturally from the wreckage of Dad's car: insofar as the car functions as an emblem of the masculine expectations imposed upon John, the car's wreckage suggests the possibility of liberation from those expectations, liberation from your own body. John is "sick to death of cake" -- cake is a Life symbol imposed by Dad, in visceral excess, accumulating as every birthday marches John towards Manhood. The possibility of living as a girl does not seem to have occurred to John yet, life and masculinity seem inextricable and absolute. The first time John sees Dad's car totaled (after Rose drops it), the symbol of self-as-corpse is surrounded by yellow bands of caution tape. The Authority Regulator who placed the tape will later declare himself to be THE LAW, and we should take his word for it: the scene's function is to declare that the crumpled car, the "dead" and therefore feminized body, is forbidden to John. No surprise then that as John marches to her death, in defiance of the Law's prohibition, she-whose-name-does-not-yet-suit-her is met with impressions of several maps that actually align with their territories: troll movies whose titles are their contents in full, a rocket encoded by the sound PCHOOOOO. John wants that for herself, I think. And as @lscholar once pointed out, it’s worth noting that John's pursuit of this unity (this pursuit of "death") is interrupted by Dave, who in saving John's life repeatedly emphasizes their status as "bros" -- masculinity being, again, inextricable from life within John’s symbol system.

...and that's the short of it. A more detailed account might get into the association of Vriska and other blue girls with the feminized corpse, or read into Equius self-consciously roleplaying as a cat girl between John’s joyride and crash, or perhaps try to apply this car-body framework to the appearances of Dad's car in the Epilogues. And I haven’t even touched upon clowns...but I'll call it here for now.

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

My Tasha

Word count: 7334

Genre: Mostly angst but the ending is fluffy

Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: A sort of suggestive scene? I think that's all (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: congrats on those 500’ love!!! they are well deserved for all of your amazing words 🥺 i was just thinking how cute it be for nat to take a liking to reader, so she tries all those “seductive” tricks the red room taught her, but r just reads it as a cocky fuckboy thing and rejects her? soft!nat appearing later to ask her out? 🥺

Summary: Natasha tries to seduce you at a party but you misunderstand, assuming she's just using you. Both of you mope before realizing what happened.

A/n: Finally I finished this! It was supposed to be 2000 words max but I got carried away and @teenwonder I blame you since you were the one who sent in this idea. I actually really like how this turned out, even if it differs from the prompt slightly so I hope you guys like it too because this probably took at least ten hours to write and I have lost way too much sleep over it. Enjoy!

Natasha looks in the mirror and lifts the corner of her mouth into a slight smile. She looks hot and she knows it, spending hours in front of the mirror perfecting the look. Her eyeshadow screams seduction and her lipstick highlights and colours the natural shape of her lips. Her lashes are curled to perfection and her makeup is applied with the technique she learned years ago that was guaranteed to make people stare. Her hair is straightened because it matches the look and also the last time she straightened it you had complimented her hair so she knows you like it.

Her dress is black, the colour that looks best on her, with a neckline that is dangerously low and the bottom riding dangerously high on her thigh. Her heels are her go to ones for anytime she wants to seduce anyone, they manage to work every time and have become a small symbol of luck for her and tonight she needs all the luck she can get for tonight’s party.

Usually people are easy to seduce, she just has to figure out the likes and dislikes of her target and play up to them. Tonight shouldn’t be much different except for the big added aspect of her actually caring. She’s never had to seduce someone she’s wanted to before so she knows it’s going to be harder than normal. Taking a deep breath she pushes the nerves away and smirks at her own reflection before going to meet everyone in the main room.

Your breath hitches when she walks in and you quickly look away so it doesn’t seem like you’ve been waiting for her arrival. She’s gorgeous, she always is, but tonight there’s something about her that’s different, like she put more effort than usual. You force yourself to stay calm and look away, pretending to still be interested in the conversation you had been having with Carol that you zoned out of the moment Natasha entered the room.

Carol’s looking at you strangely. “What?”

She gives a half laugh. “You think I didn’t notice you drooling over Natasha.”

“That obvious?” you ask and she nods. “Damn.”

“Damn is right, she’s smoking!” Carol whisper-yells, glancing over quickly and then back to you.

“Carol!” you exclaim aghast.

She laughs again. “Don’t worry I’m not trying to steal your girl, after all I have Valkyrie.”

“Yes and you constantly remind me of that.” you mumble which she ignores.

“I’m just saying that some people are already staring at her and are going to be all over her soon, you need to make your move quickly.” she finishes.

“I will.” you tell her, with no real intention of going to talk to her.

“Sure you will,” she says quietly at first before yelling in Natasha’s direction, “Hey Romanoff! Come here.”

Natasha is surprised and she hopes Carol isn’t calling her over because she noticed her staring. Logically she knows that Carol doesn’t want to date you and is dating Valkyrie but it looked far too much like flirting in her opinion. There were whispers and giggles and at one point you got all flustered and embarrassed. She doesn’t like how possessive she feels over you when she has no right to but somehow when it comes to you she can’t quite control herself.

Showing none of the inner thoughts that go through her head she weaves her way over to you. At first some of the team is staring because they got startled by Carol’s yell but a small glare gets them to look away again.

“Hey.” Carol greets when she walks over.

“Hey.” she says back with a smile and it’s not her fault if the smile is a little flirtier than normal and directed more towards where you’re standing. “What’s up?”

“I want to go find Valkyrie and see what’s taking so long for her to come back from the bar but didn’t want to leave Y/n all alone at a party and since you were alone too I thought it would be a great idea for you guys to spend the party together!” she explains quickly. “I’ll come back soon!”

With that she leaves and you and Natasha are left looking at each other awkwardly. She wants to say something to break the silence but all her earlier confidence is gone and she feels like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Which is half true, she is definitely not a schoolgirl but she’s never had feelings like this for anybody before.

“You don’t have to stay here.” you offer, feeling bad that she was forced to come here and babysit you. Carol is your best friend but sometimes you just can’t stand her. This is so uncomfortable and Natasha is looking at you weirdly and you just know that she’ll apologize and leave so she can spend the party with people who actually know how to have fun.

“I know but I want to.” she says and you can’t help looking away shyly and smiling. She smiles herself at your cuteness, now slightly more confident knowing that she can make you react like that.

---

She smirks as for the thousandth time that night you struggle to keep your gaze from dipping below her neck. The dress was a good choice and judging based on your lack of eye contact you appreciate it. She knows you find her attractive, it’s hard not to know that with you staring at her boobs every few seconds but as the night goes on she’s more and more hopefully that you want to date her. Your flushed cheeks and occasional stuttering give you away.

Some guy interrupts your conversation and she resists the urge to punch him. She doesn’t know what he’s here for and shouldn’t punch people for interrupting a conversation with a girl she really really likes (she doesn’t allow herself to consider love just yet).

“Hey beautiful.” he greets her, stepping into her space and ignoring you. Against her better judgment she does punch him and giggles as he staggers backwards muttering about bitches under his breath. Really the punch shouldn���t have affected him that much, it was light and not in an area that would cause serious injury, he was just weak.

“Holy fuck.” you whisper under your breath.

“That didn’t bother you, did it?” she rushes to confirm, not wanting to have upset you by resorting to violence. She wasn’t quite sure how to take your holy fuck, whether you meant it in a good way or not.

“It was so hot.” you breath and then immediately clamp a hand over your mouth once you’ve realized what you’ve said out loud.

You’re about to apologize but she speaks first. “Really?”

You don’t understand how she makes her voice sound so smooth and seductive but it makes your knees weak. You’re nervous but there’s no point in taking it back now and it does seem like she’s flirting with you so you continue.

“Yeah, what can I say I like strong women who don’t take shit from men.” you say, moving closer to her. You haven’t flirted very much before but judging based on how her eyes darken slightly you think it’s working.

She reaches out and runs her hand down the side of your face slowly, making you shiver. “Looks like we have the same type.”

She keeps her hand there for a second then leans in slowly, giving you time to pull away. You’re frustrated by how long it’s taking and try to take a small step towards her so you can kiss her. It doesn’t work well since you forgot you’re wearing heels and lose your balance, making her laugh, her breaths dancing over your lips. And then suddenly she’s not moving slowly anymore and her lips are on yours and it’s all you can think about. Your other senses are all dulled and you kiss her harder to prove that this is real.

After a few seconds she pulls back. “I didn’t want people to see,” she explains when she sees your pout, “hallway?”

You’re not sure if it’s even possible for you to do anything but nod and take her hand as she leads you out. Inside of taking you to the main hall she takes you to a side one that doesn’t get used often and only the avengers have access to. Glancing around again to make sure nobody notices she pulls you inside and immediately you’re kissing again.

She presses you against the wall and you grip her shoulders tightly, your nails dipping into her bare skin. When she pulls back again she notes in satisfaction that your lips are smeared with her lipstick and she applauds her choice of bright red. Inside of going back to your mouth she kisses along your jaw and your neck, the lipstick marking you. Happy with her work she moves back to your lips, humming happily at the feeling.

She likes it even more when she feels your mouth open to let her in, taking the opportunity to explore your mouth with her tongue. You let out a small whine and the noise reminds her of where you are.

“Come up to my room?” she asks, smirking. You’re about to say yes when you notice her smirk. It bugs you for some reason, it makes it seem like she’s winning some sort of prize. Breathing heavily you look more closely at her and notice her heels. It’s her seductive mission heels. And then you realize she often wears a black dress to seduce people as well. You feel like a complete idiot, she doesn’t want you for anything more than a quick fling. This was a calculated move on her part.

“No.” you tell her firmly, only able to hold back your tears due to sheer anger. You thought that you were friends, how dare she try to play with your feelings just because she knew she could. Taking advantage of her shock you push past her, running out of the hall and back into the party. You look like a disaster so as quickly as possibly to rush to the doors and leave, running to your room, thankful that everyone seems too invested in their own conversations to notice you going.

You keep running until you reach your room. It didn’t look like she was following you but you don’t want to take any chances. Flinging off your heels because they’re uncomfortable you launch yourself onto your bed and curl up, pulling the covers over your head and putting your face into a pillow. You’re probably getting her lipstick all over right now but you don’t care, you don’t have enough energy to care right now.

You berate yourself again for how stupid you are. You got so caught up in your own emotions that you didn’t even consider that it didn’t mean the same to her as it did to you. It’s so obvious in hindsight. How after one kiss she wanted to sneak away so nobody saw, her glance back at the room before you entered the hall. She wasn’t looking for a relationship that much was clear. She invited you to her bedroom, not on a date.

You try to reason with yourself to make the pain go away but it doesn’t. You weren’t super close but you considered her a friend. Apparently she didn’t consider you one if she was willing to put your friendship aside for sex. You briefly consider that maybe she didn’t know about your feelings but you shake that thought off. She’s smart and reads people easily, she knew she just didn’t care.

You hate the tears that roll down your face. You can’t tell if they’re from sadness or anger and it doesn’t matter. Nothing seems to matter right now. Sobs wrack your body harder and you scream silently into your pillow. You hate this so much, you hate crying and you wish you could hate Natasha but you can’t. You hate yourself for letting yourself get hurt like this though.

---

Natasha watches you leave. She wants to run after you but the look on your face when you pushed by her stops her. You looked so disgusted that you had just made out with her and she can feel her heart breaking into a million pieces just thinking about it. She doesn't know what she did to get it. It’s obvious that you regretted kissing her but it hurts that you seem disgusted by it.

She allows herself a few moments to stand there and try to comprehend what just went on, a single tear dripping down her face. Swallowing hard she wipes it away and takes a breath to collect herself. She makes sure her dress is straight and runs her fingers through her hair so it doesn’t look too wild.

It doesn’t really matter what she looks like, she’s planning to slip out the back of the hall, the opposite way that you went, so it’s unlikely anyone will see her but she wants to be prepared on the off chance that the halls aren’t empty. Biting her lip to stay calm she walks out the end of the hall and slowly makes her way to her room.

She feels so stupid. She’s not even mad at you for feeling disgusted she’s mad at herself. She got so caught up in her own feeling that she never stopped to think about the fact that you don’t like her back. For a moment it seemed like you did but that was probably you being too nice to say no to her.

Her heels seem to mock her as she walks up the stairs with the way they clip clop. So much for lucky heels, she’ll never be able to use them again without remembering how badly she failed. She tugs on her dress from both the top and the bottom, trying to pull it longer in both directions. She felt so confident in it earlier in the mirror and especially when she caught you staring but now she just feels dirty and slutty.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” she mutters out loud to herself when she finally gets to her room. Looking in her mirror upon entry only makes things worse. She’s lucky that she didn’t see anyone in the halls because even after her attempts at cleaning up she looks like a mess. Her makeup is smudged all over and she can see the upset written plainly on her face.

Usually it’s easy to hide her emotions but usually she doesn’t feel such strong ones. You make her feel and she hates it. Only earlier today she loved that you made her feel. She loved the way her heart fluttered thinking about you and how she wasn’t always perfectly composed. You made her feel normal. But now she hates the way her heart betrays her, happy at even the thought of you.

Her only option right now is to forget and she thanks herself for always keeping a bottle of vodka in her room. A bad habit perhaps, but she rarely drinks from it and it is perfect for this situation. Drinking doesn’t help much, even after a while the hurt is still fresh in her mind, but it stops her from overthinking. When she eventually leaves the bottle and slips into bed it’s nobody’s business but hers if she cries herself to sleep.

---

You bury yourself deeper into your covers when you hear knocks at your door, hoping that whoever it is will go away soon.

“Y/n open up!” you hear Carol shout, still pounding on the door. “Unless Natasha’s with you, don’t think I didn’t notice you left the party earlier.”

Carol’s mention of Natasha makes a lump form in your throat and suddenly you feel the sudden urge to take a shower and wash all of her off you. You must have stayed silent for too long because Carol’s knocking stops and she speaks again.

“If you don’t say anything in five seconds I’m coming in.” she tells you.

You don’t know if you want her here or not. Carol is always good at making you cheer up but you feel embarrassed to tell anybody what happened.

“Four.”

Carol would understand though, she’s never been one to judge people for things and she was the one who helped push you towards Natasha, telling you she liked you back.

“Three.”

You realize that Natasha’s lipstick is still all over you and you’re still wearing the dress from last night. It’s too late to fix the clothes but you try to wipe the lipstick from your neck as quickly as possible (spoiler, it doesn’t go very well).

“Two.”

You’re still not sure if you want her to come in so you open your mouth to try to tell her to go away but the lump in your throat prevents you from speaking.

“One, I’m coming in now.” she says, opening the door. “Is that Natasha’s lipstick?”

It’s too much and you get overwhelmed, bursting into tears. Her grin of triumph from when she saw the lipstick quickly disappears and she rushes over to comfort you, wrapping you in a big hug.

“Do I have to kill her?” she asks, when you’ve calmed down a little bit. If you didn’t know Carol enough to know she’s actually a huge softy you would think she is dead serious.

“No,” you tell her, managing a weak smile at how quickly Carol comes to your defense.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “You have her lipstick all over you and you’re crying because of her. What did she do wrong?”

“It’s not her fault,” you protest. Natasha and Carol are friends and you don’t want them to stop being close because of you.

“It’s not her fault you’re crying?” Carol asks skeptically.

“I-um, she,” you stumble over your words because technically it is her fault you’re crying. “She didn’t mean to.” you finally settle on saying.

Carol doesn’t look any happier with the situation than she did before. “Please tell me what happened Y/n so I can go beat her up for you. Did she try to force herself on you or do anything you didn’t want?”

“No.” you say, shaking your head. Natasha may have only been looking for a one night stand or short fling but you can confidently say that she would never do that.

“Okay, then what did she do to make you so upset? It doesn’t look like she rejected you.” Carol is both stubborn and curious and you sigh knowing you’re not going to be able to get out of this conversation without telling her what happened.

“At first it was really nice, we were talking and then we were kissing. But then-” you pause and take a deep breath as Carol rubs a hand comfortingly on your back. “But then she asked if I wanted to go up to her room.” you pause again, trying not to cry for the second time this morning.

“What did you say?” Carol asks softly, knowing this is hard for you.

“I almost said yes, I was planning to say yes,” you tell her, “but then I looked down at her heels.”

“Her heels?”

“She was wearing the heels she always wears for missions where she has to seduce shady old men.” you explain. “And her dress seemed different than normal, like one she’d wear on a mission and she was smirking at me, like she got exactly what she wanted.”

“She treated you like a mission.” Carol states, a hard look in her eye. “That bitch.”

“Carol,” you warn, “you’re her friend too.”

“And as her friend I’m going to give her some friendly advice.” She emphasizes the word friendly giving the impression that it wasn’t going to be friendly at all.

“It will only make things worse.” you tell her. “I just want to forget about it.”

Carol keeps the hard look but softens a little, smiling at you. “Okay, whatever you want. We could spend the day watching movies and eating ice cream?”

“Okay.” you tell her. You’ve never been heartbroken before but you’ve seen movies and apparently this is what everyone does.

“I’ll go get the ice cream while you pick a movie.” she tells you, standing up. “I’ll even watch a disney one if you’d like.”

You give a halfhearted cheer, trying to convince Carol that you’re excited. She frowns as she leaves the room, that cheer was obviously fake. Any other time and you would be beyond happy that she was agreeing to watch Disney movies with you, you’ve been begging her to for almost a year. She can’t help but feel anger at Natasha and anger at herself. Anger at Natasha for playing with your feelings but anger at herself for pushing you to be with Natasha. She should have realized Natasha wouldn’t treat you right but she was so caught up in trying to pair you together that she didn’t see it.

---

Natasha wakes up as normal, feeling a headache forming already. Glancing towards her alarm clock she sits up in shock when she reads how late it is. She’s never in bed after noon. She groans when she realizes sitting up that quickly was not a good idea and makes her feel nauseous. She takes a few breaths, in and out, to calm herself and tries to remember why she drank so much. She was upset, she remembers that. She was upset because her plan didn’t work.

She feels a sharp pain in her heart when her mental blocks seem to go away and she remembers everything that happened, how the night had been going so perfectly and she had felt so happy only for it to all come crashing down when you ran away, disgusted that you kissed her.

“Stupid.” she tells herself, getting out of bed. She reminds herself of that as she goes about her normal morning routine, washing her face, brushing her teeth and getting dressed. She was so stupid to risk your friendship for something more, now it would be a miracle if you still wanted to be around her. Even if it hurt to pretend you hadn’t kissed she would go back to being friends with you in an instant if you still wanted her. She tries not to think about how big of an if that is.

When she is presentable she decides to head down the kitchen and grab some food. It’s been awhile since she last ate and there’s no use in trying to hide away and avoid her problems; she will either see you and have to confront them or you won’t be there. She knows that hiding away will only make things worse and appear weak, if she leaves her room and pretends everything is normal it will make her seem less hurt than she is.

“Hi Natasha.” Tony says in a weird voice when she enters the kitchen, waggling his eyebrows. She does her best not to show her obvious disappointment that almost everybody is here. The one upside is that you’re not.

“Hi Tony.” she says tiredly, walking over to grab a piece of bread and plopping it in the toaster.

“So Natasha,” he starts, oblivious to her unrelaxed mood, “how was last night?”

Natasha whips around lightning fast, staring at him. “What do you mean?”

He couldn’t possibly have heard, could he? She had hoped to talk to you before word got out about the rejection, to try to keep it on the down-low because the guys would never let her live it down. She assumed you wouldn’t tell anyone but you did leave the hall in the direction of the party so maybe you decided to stay.

“I mean with Y/n.” he says casually as Natasha fights to keep a straight face as her heart beats wildly in her chest. “Don’t think we didn’t notice how you both left early.”

Natasha lets out an almost unnoticeable sigh of relief. He didn’t know anything important.

“Well that may be the case but I can assure you nothing happened.” she tells him.

“Then where is she now?” Tony challenges.

“I don’t know, if you haven’t seen her she’s probably in her room.” Natasha responds smoothly. It’s just her luck that after being rejected by the girl of her dreams Tony thinks they got together.

“And where were you?”

Natasha gives him a deadpan stare. “My own room.”

He scoffs. “First of all you could be lying to us, I know you spies are good at that. But if you aren’t you need to get some balls and ask her out already.”

Natasha scowls. “A man’s balls are the weakest part of his body, I am good without them.”

Tony has enough self preservation to step back for a second. Natasha lets him think that her annoyance is solely over his sexist statement but really it wasn’t that bad and she’s just upset that she can’t have you so she really doesn’t want to be talking about asking you out.

“You should.” Clint speaks up.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Not you too.”

“See Clint agrees with me and I bet the others do too.” Tony says smugly. Natasha lets her eyes move slowly around the room and one but one they all look away when she catches their eye, showing her that while they are too nervous to outright say it, Tony is right and they do agree.

“I don’t care about that,” she says, “I am not and that’s the end of the story.”

“What not?” Tony persists. “You like her, you can’t deny that, so give me one good reason not to.”

“Because she wouldn’t want to and I respect that.” Natasha says calmly. Inside she feels her stomach twisting and she wants to break something. She may be good at hiding her emotions but this conversation is proving to be next to impossible.

Tony scoffs again. “There’s no way, that girl is so in love with you it’s ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is that you assume things about other people and can’t let this go.” Natasha tells him icily. “You don’t know what she’d say.”

“Then you don’t know either.” Tony counters.

“Then why did she say no when I asked her out last night?” Natasha snaps at him. There are gasps all around the room and to her mortification she is barely holding in the tears that spring to her eyes.

“What?” Sam asks in disbelief.

“I asked her out, she said no and that’s that.” Natasha explains, trying to keep her composure but failing when a tear falls down her cheek. “Excuse me.”

She hurries out of the room, no longer able to handle the talk of asking you out and the disbelieving stares. As she gets back to her room and lies in bed once more she notes in annoyance that she never got her toast. Not that she’s hungry anymore anyway. She doesn’t feel anything anymore except sadness and emptiness. She knew her feelings for you were strong but now that she knows for sure that you don’t want her they feel even stronger and it makes her realize just how much this meant to her and how much she lost.

---

“Hey.” Carol greets as she walks in the kitchen and heads straight for the freezer.

“Morning Carol.” Bruce says, looking shocked when he sees the amount of ice cream she’s holding. “Ice cream for breakfast?”

“It’s for Y/n.” Carol explains.

Tony’s expression turns dark. “What on earth does she need it for?”

“Girl problems, also known as none of your business.” Carols says, in an admittedly sassy voice.

Tony glares. “By girl problems do you mean what happened with Romanoff last night.”

He may tease Natasha but she was like family to him and he would not allow your feelings to be coddled while you stomped all over hers. He doesn’t care if you feel bad for rejecting her, you had flirted and let her on for too long and feeling bad was the least you deserve.

In an instant Carol is across the kitchen and inches from his face. “How do you know?”

“Hey, calm down.” Bruce says, stepping in when he notices Clint and Sam have both tensed up, presumably to defend Natasha’s honor. Even though he’s a man himself he doesn’t understand them sometimes, Natasha was more than capable of taking care of herself and starting a fight between Tony and Carol, the two most stubborn on the team, would only be a headache for weeks to come.

“How do you know?” Carol asks Bruce, thankfully stepping back from Tony.

“She was here a few minutes ago and told us.”

Carol curses under her breath. “That bitch.”

“Hey!” Clint says loudly. “If anyone is a bitch here it’s Y/n.”

“Yes because it’s all Y/n’s fault.” Carol says sarcastically.

Sam decides he’s had enough of Carol. “Yes actually, it is.”

“Bullshit.”

The three of them go back and forth with Carol, mainly cursing and getting a little off topic.

It’s when Carol calls Tony an idiot that Bruce speaks up. “You weren’t here to see Natasha cry.”

“What?” Carol turned to face Bruce, shocked. He isn’t one for petty arguments so she believes what comes out of his mouth. But why would Natasha cry? It doesn’t make sense, she was the one who broke your heart, not the other way around. “Natasha never cries.”

“Well she just did.” Tony says but it’s not in a confrontational tone anymore. He’s not sure what Carol knows but it’s obvious she didn’t know fully what happened.

“Why?”

“It was partly my fault,” Tony admits, “I was teasing her about asking out Y/n and she kept saying no and eventually snapped and told us that she did last night but Y/n rejected her.”

Carol scrunches her brow in confusion. “That’s not what Y/n told me- OHHH.”

“What?” The voice comes simultaneously from all four men at once.

“They are both idiots.” Carol says, smiling and laughing for the first time since entering the kitchen. “They are both huge idiots that don’t know shit about feelings.”

“What?” Tony asks again, wanting to know what Carol’s thinking.

“Okay I’ll tell you but don’t interrupt.” Carol warns and looks at all of them to make sure they nod in agreement. Once she is satisfied she starts. “So this morning I found Y/n in tears and covered in Natasha’s lipstick. Apparently they had fun at the party last night and then snuck away to makeout. Y/n was upset because Natasha asked her up to her room instead of on a date and she noticed that Natasha was wearing her mission heels, do you know them?”

“The ones that she uses to seduce old men for Shield?” Sam asks just to make sure.

“Yep.” Carol confirms. “So anyways Y/n is upset because she thinks that she was just some sort of challenge to Natasha so she left her there…”

“...but Natasha was actually serious about her.” Clint finishes.

Tony laughs. “They really are idiots.”

“I am definitely telling this story at their wedding and to their future kids.” Sam says, also laughing.

“Well first they need to actually talk to each other about this.” Bruce points out, lowering the happy mood of the room. “Right now they’re both in their rooms miserable and feelings like the other doesn’t want them.”

“We should get Natasha to talk to Y/n,” Carol suggests, “because I know that Y/n won’t believe us unless Natasha is the one to tell her.”

“Okay I volunteer to talk to Natasha.” Tony suggests.

“No.” Carol tells him.

“Well you’re Y/n’s best friend so she won’t want to talk to you either right now.” he counters.

“Yes but you’re also a horrible option, I think Bruce would be best for this.”

Bruce looks around the room. “Me?”

“That does make sense,” Clint agrees with Carol, “out of all of us you’re the best at calming people down and she’d be most likely to believe you quicker.”

“But-”

“No buts Brucie, don’t you want to see them together?” Tony pleads.

“Yeah come on Brucie,” Sam mocks Tony, “do it for love.”

Bruce sighs as he watches Tony pout and Sam flutter his eyelashes ridiculously. “Fine.”

“Get straight to the point,” Clint advises, “because she will kick you out if you don’t.”

“Okay.”

Bruce leaves the kitchen to head to Natasha’s room. It took ages for him to be convinced to join the avengers and every day he can’t tell if he regrets his choice or loves his choice. Certainly no other job in the world would force him to go talk to his scary assassin coworker so she and his other coworker can get together. He really isn’t paid enough for this.

A knock startles Natasha. She didn’t think anyone would come after her because she assumed they would all be too scared when she’s in a bad mood.

“Who is it?” she calls out.

“Bruce.”

“Bruce,” she sighs, “I’m sorry but I need to be alone right now, I hope you of all people can understand that.”

“No.” he responds, surprising both her and himself with how determined his voice sounds.

“Bruce-” she starts but he interrupts.

“Hear me out first Natasha,” he begs, “please.”

She thinks about it for a moment before giving up and sighing, she’s not in the mood to spend time arguing. “Fine, but you have to stay outside the door.”

“If that’s what you want.” he agrees, pausing a second to figure out how he wants to word things. “I just came back from an interesting conversation with Carol in the kitchen.” he settles on saying.

“Oh?” She tries not to think about what that means. Carol is your best friend and after her scene in the kitchen this morning she doesn’t think there would be any other reason he would bring her up.

“She was getting ice cream for Y/n because apparently she’s upset.” he offers as a means of explanation.

“Oh.” she says again and it’s so quiet she doesn’t think he heard her. “You can tell Carol that I’ll apologize to Y/n tomorrow, I need to gain control of myself first.”

She never thought about how it would be from your end of things. She forced you into more than you wanted and tried to ask you out and she selfishly focused on her own feelings when you probably were upset that she kissed you. Or you thought you would lose her as a friend. She doesn't think she is capable of talking to you without breaking down right now but in a few days she’ll be fine and able to pretend nothing changed.

“That’s not what she was upset about,” Bruce tells her, “Carol says she was upset because she thought it didn’t mean anything to you.”

“What, why?” Natasha can’t help but let her interest be taken. She doesn’t want to get her hopes up, what Bruce said could mean a lot of different things.

“I feel like I’m in middle school and there’s broken telephone being played between two crushes.” Bruce jokes.

“Bruce, tell me why.” Natasha demands. Her voice is soft but they both know if Bruce stalls any longer she’ll drop the sweet act.

“Well Carol said she said that it seemed like you were acting as if she was your mission to seduce and not like you actually wanted to be with her.” Bruce says, relaying the information.

“Crap.”

Bruce waits for Natasha to elaborate but she doesn’t say anything. “Are you okay in there?”

“Yes, thank you Bruce,” she says, “I need to go fix this, you can leave now.”

He can’t help but feel relieved as he speeds away down the hall. He is never going to do anything like that again, it was way too awkward. He still doesn’t understand how the others forced him to do this, damn his heart for being persuaded it was a good cause. The one upside is that talking to Natasha did seem to work and with any luck she’d be able to fix her mistakes with you. If she didn’t he did all this for nothing and may very well hulk out.

---

Natasha paces back and forth in her room. If Bruce was right (and she has no reason to believe he would lie) you didn’t run away because you didn’t like her, you ran away because you thought she didn’t like you. She winces when she thinks about it. Looking back she can see why you were mistaken and thought she didn’t have true feelings for you because she did treat you like a mark. She analyzed what hairstyle and dress you would like and wore her good luck heels. Even the way she talked and acted was calculated to be exactly what you’d like.

She’s stupid, so stupid and if she had just asked you out in a normal way instead of trying to seduce you she could be on a brunch date with you right now. It had never occurred to her to try it any other way, she was taught that seducing was the easiest way to get people to like you so why should it be different for a normal date? In hindsight using red room techniques to get a date is a horrible idea and she can’t believe she didn’t see it before. Maybe she hasn’t shaken off the red room ideals as much as she thought she had.

The thought scares her, her entire life upon leaving the red room has been dedicated to being a force for good, the opposite of everything the red room stood for so to realize that they still have their claws in deeper than she thought is terrifying. She takes a deep breath and tries to make it go away, which is mostly successful as the thought is reduced to the back of her mind. She can take her thoughts and analyze them later, which is another thing the red room taught her to do she notes, but right now she has to focus on the thing that’s most important, fixing her mistake.

As she walks through the halls to your room she runs through things she should say in her head but nothing sounds right. Perhaps it’s for the best though, that way you can tell she’s genuine and not performing another script. She pauses as she reaches your door, finding herself almost shaking with nerves. What if you don’t want her anymore or Bruce misunderstood or worst of all you still think she doesn’t care?

She almost turns around and goes back, unfamiliar with this type of fear but she knows that if she does all chances of fixing things and having a relationship with you will be reduced to zero. Taking a deep breath she turns the knob and pushes the door open.

You don’t look right away when you hear the door open, too lazy to care. “What took you so long, you were supposed to be back with the ice cream ages ago.”

“I-”

You spin around quickly. “You’re not Carol.”

“Nor do I have ice cream.” She tries to joke but it falls flat.

“Why are you here?” you ask and she winces. It’s blunt and straight to the point, your tone quiet but practically screaming at her to get out.

Since you got straight to the point she decides to do the same. “To ask you out.”

You must look even more shocked than you feel because she quickly jumps in to explain. “That’s what I was trying to do at the party last night, although I know you assumed that I didn’t mean it. I know you noticed the heels and I know I was smirking and it seemed like I was playing you but it really was genuine, I was just trying to do it the wrong way. I was always taught in the red room that to get people to like you romantically the best way to do that is to seduce them but obviously that is wrong and I didn’t realize until too late.”

There’s a lot of information to take in but your mind gets stuck on one question. “How do you know all that about how I felt?”

“Carol talked to Bruce who talked to me.” she says, looking slightly embarrassed at how elementary that sounds. “So?”

“So what?” You know she wants to know if you’ll go out with her for real and you really want to immediately say yes but you also want to hear her ask you properly.

She seems to understand. “Will you go on a date with me Y/n?”

You hesitate one moment before responding. It’s unnecessarily mean but you just spent a good portion of last night and this morning crying over her and besides, she looks absolutely adorable as she shifts her weight from side to side nervously. She looks exactly how you want her to look, no makeup and wearing sweatpants. It’s natural and genuine and everything you would have loved to see last night.

“Yes.”

“Oh thank god.” she laughs in relief, the pitch of it breathier than normal.

“I like it when you do that.” you tell her.

She furrows her brow, confused. “Do what?”

“When you laugh like that or wear old clothes, like you’re not trying to impress me.” you explain.

“So when I do the opposite of what I did last night?” she asks, laughing at herself for being so stupid. Of course you didn’t fall for all the acts, if you did she wouldn’t like you as much as she does. You make her feel different and that’s a good thing, she shouldn’t have to act around you.

“Yeah, don’t get me wrong last night was hot,” you tell her, “but it’s not you. That’s agent Romanoff putting on whatever mask she needs to be for the night, this here is my Tasha.”

“Your Tasha, huh,” she teases, “possessive much?”

“Sorry.”

“No,” she tells you, “I like it. I don’t need to put a mask on around you because you’re you and I am your Tasha. But you’re also mine.”

“All yours.” you confirm and she visibly shivers. “Apparently I’m not the only possessive one.”

“Apparently.” she says looking at you in a way that makes heat rise to your cheeks.

“Since we wasted time last night maybe we could start with a movie date right now?” you suggest shyly, changing the topic.

“Well we do have time to make up for.” she agrees, sitting down on the bed beside you. “What movie?”

“Mulan.” you tell her pressing the remote to drop the tv down into your room. There were definitely benefits to living with Tony.

“A disney movie?” she asks skeptically.

“Have you seen it?” you ask already knowing the answer before she shakes her head. “Then don’t knock it, it’s a great movie.”

“If you say so.” she says, still slightly skeptical but much more open to it. Even if the movie is garbage she doesn’t think she’d mind watching it with you. She definitely doesn’t mind it when your head drops onto your shoulder and you fall asleep, tired from the emotional rollercoaster you just went on. And when the movie ends she doesn’t move, happy to have you there, even when hours later her shoulder is all tense and cramped. It scares her how much she feels for you already but it also feels freeing, she knows she is not just the product of the red room because their biggest rule is to not fall in love and she’s definitely going to break that soon, if she hasn’t already.

---

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[bokettochild]

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

Angst! My Beloved!

Not a lot of whump here, but I put Wild through the wringer!!! Lots of BotW2 ideas and concepts here, but nothing really cannon.

Also, disclaimer: I think Flora is a wonderful person, a bit harsh and sometimes unkind, but I feel for her a lot. The prompt submitted to me however asked for her as an ass, so that's what's here, for angst reasons. THIS IS NOT HOW I PLAN ON WRITING HER NORMALLY!!!

When Wild left the Chain behind in the woods, it was with a soft smile and a hesitant wave of his right hand. It was with a gentle ‘See y’all later’ that made Warriors shake his head with a sigh while Twilight offered a wobbly grin.

He would join them again, he knew that. After all, Hylia wouldn’t have chosen him to go with them in the first place if he was only supposed to leave before they’d even really started to know what it was that they were meant to be doing.

He’d see them again, and he’d fall back into a routine with all of them, sparring with Warriors and teaching Hyrule to cook and shield surfing with Wind and learning to carve from Sky. He’d go back to sewing with Legend, to exploring with Hyrule, to learning the Ocarina with Time and teasing Twilight about his terrible singing. He could work with Four on the Sheikah Slate and experimenting with different plants he’d gathered. He would see them again, and he’d go back to being busy and smiling nearly every day.

For the time being however, he had to square his shoulders and harden his jaw as he stepped through the swirl of black that had repulsed all the others every time they tried to enter. He had to tame his mind and wild spirit and come to stand before the Princess of Hyrule in all of her stern glory and receive the scolding he was due for wandering off without permission.

He never had time to question what she meant by being gone for ‘two whole weeks’ before she was marching off towards the labs and explaining that there was a new task for them to complete.

Such a task was one that left in his mind no time for thoughts of his brothers save on the lonely nights in the sky when the islands above the clouds were silent save for the birds about him that reminded him of Sky, or when he ran across the forests and was reminded of the wolf that once ran at his side. And, alright, the tiny people in the grass and the fountains reminded him of Four and Hyrule. When the wind sang strong in his ears as he dove towards the earth from the highest places in the sky, he couldn’t help but envision a small hero whose laughter danced like the sea and who’s fingers mastered the currents of wind and sea both.

It was a lonely quest, just like his last before it, but somehow it was more painfully so, now that he knew what it was to have brothers at his side to catch a monster’s blade when he was too slow or to help him patch himself up afterwards. It was quiet when the Princess and he sat around the fires as night, she studying him as he sat still and stonelike as she worked.

The hand that had waved goodbye to his brothers now flickered green and ethereal in the night shades, iron bands clinging to the wisping appendage and acting as a bond to hold its form together. It was nothing like what he’d known or studied in the Sheikah technology, or even what he’d seen from the many worlds he’d traveled with the other, and it earned many a stare and twist of the lips from those he met and traded with during his journey.

The arm was only the first of many changes, it’s power seeping through his body and altering him before he even knew what was happening. He’d hated it at first, disliking how it changed him, made his eyes glow and his hair touch with the same ethereal shades, red bleeding through at the roots and earning him even more wary looks.

Ganon, in all his terrifying power, had been a surprising comfort during the quest, an aid to discovering his new abilities and training them to bend to his own will. The Princess had been wary of their relationship, but had accepted it when she saw what he learned to do, and every evening she would require a report of his newfound skills, as well as the occasional demonstration or examination.

It all came to an end both too soon and not soon enough.

Ganon was gone, as if he’d never been there at all, and the Princess was as cold as ever even after their second adventure at each other's sides. And now there was no use for the abilities that had fused to his soul like the arm had to his flesh. He’d asked Purah if there was something that could be done to restore his body to its normal Hylian state, without the glowing limb that earned his only stares and insults from the village people, but the Princess had overheard it and declared that such a thing should not even be attempted.

“You don’t understand, Link. Don’t be foolish! We have here a scientific marvel ready for our investigation and exploration and you want to get rid of it just because it looks odd?”

He’s shuffled his feet slowly, resisting the impulse to rub at his chest where the Hylian part of him ended and the eldritch horror began. “I can’t live like  Hylian anymore.”

“Because you aren’t one!” Her Highness rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Sir Knight, after everything I certainly doubt that Hylian even applies to you anymore! Hylians do not possess the qualities that you now do, and they most certainly do not travel through stone or time or any other such thing at will. Think would you! You’re something else entirely, and I intend to find out what that is!”

Purah had frowned at that, eyes full of sorrow as they met his own with an apologetic sigh. But there was nothing the de-aged scientist could really say against the royal Sovreign of Hyrule, not as a Sheikah sworn to the service of the royal family. The woman/girl had offered him a sympathetic pat on the head later after climbing up to reach high enough to do so, as well as a few dumplings that Paya had sent on her grandmother’s behalf the day before. It was a welcome gesture, but amounted to so little on the grand scale of life. Not when so many others he had once called his friends had so blatantly rejected the mere sight of him.

Bolson and the other carpenters shied away from him with harsh whispers as they spat insults across the distance.

‘Half-blood’.

‘Gerudo Bastard’.

‘Freak’.

‘Demon’.

There were favorite insults spread from stable to stable and up and coming village to up and coming town and slowly all of Hyrule knew of the monster that had once been the hero. Gossip abounded, and he couldn’t even turn to shield his face with his hood without drawing attention to his arm.

It was only the koroks that welcomed him, themselves all too accustomed to the strange and ethereal. Them and the blupees.

Maybe it was the knowledge of how it felt to be shot at for his oddness that allowed him to ease into the graces of the flighty animals. And maybe it was his lonely heart crying for comfort, but when nestled in their midst, it almost reminded him of how it felt to be hugged by the salty veteran, on the rare occasional that the pink-haired hero had let down his guard.

The fairy’s tangled themselves in his hair and the blupees gathered at his feet, koroks dancing around him and flying to his side as if he was some sort of forest god, but the strange rise of his spirits in their presence shattered the instant a traveler caught sight of him.

Arrows and fire, once his favorite of weapons, were turned against him as words in every language of the New Hyrule had burst from the mouths of its people, and like his namesake, he ran before them, darting through the forest and fading in amidst the trees, hiding, incorporeal and translucent within the halls of the forest as those he’d once seen as allies pushed him away.

He’d begged the new Queen for aid, for relief or even just a word to the people that he wasn’t the evil they had come to think he was, but she only waved him aside with a purse of her lips. “You are not meant to be here without first asking.” The Child of Hylia declared, eyes as cold as the Shrine’s waters themself. “And why should I make a declaration on behalf of a man who refuses to even speak to me properly? You come groveling like a worm, yet for years it was I who you ignored. See how it feels, Sir Hero, to be the one left helpless at the hands of the country. Know what it is to be scorned by those who you thought would love you.”

He’d barely made it out of the window before the trainee guards of the newly repaired Hyrule Castle had caught him and Queen Zelda Diana Hyrule had stared after him with eyes colder than Hebra’s tallest peaks.

It was the Father Tree -the Deku Tree as the Queen had called it, but the koroks laughed at him for using the name, so he’d adjusted in kind- who suggested that he hide the changes, and he’d begun to wander Hyrule as much as possible to find the materials he would have needed.

The Queen still required his presence regularly so she could inspect him; her love of science no ways tainted as to stop her from ordering him to appear regularly, as there was now no need or safety in his acting as her guard. The Queen sought her people’s respect, and to employ such a being as himself, not Hylian and not quite mortal, would be to spark fear in the people. Indeed, when he skirted villages, he would wince at word of ‘the queen’s monster’ as gossip was traded. Those who didn’t see him themselves knew him as a beast of feral nature who lived amid the lost woods and destroyed any who came close.

“A specter that glows with the light of the shrines.” They would tell each other over campfires. “It has eyes like a ghost, empty and lost, with no care for humanity or Hylia’s chosen. They say it was once the Hero of this world, but he died ages ago.”

“I heard it’s the body, possessed by a being beyond this realm, a monster escaped from the edges of reality that tried to hide in our midst but corrupted it’s host so that it only scares away others, leaving it roam the earth in a shattered body. If you get too close to it though, it’ll take your instead.”

He’d stayed away from towns after that.

The blupees and koroks had been happy to help him to find what he needed to hide among the Hylians should he wish though, and two in particular guided him; the korok swinging little twigs like they were batons and humming swinging little shanties as it hopped along the path, the blupee snorting softly and nipping at his heels when he wandered too far, unnatural purple eyes staring up at him with something that was fondness and a reprimand all at once, and in their care he’d made his way across the land of Hyrule to find what would be needed to return to his once life.

The fairies and their Great cousins had been welcome help, and in time, he’d been able to walk amid the populace of Hyrule like any other, as long as he kept a long cloak about him and his hair pulled back to hide where the roots would begin showing again in gold and ethereal blue.

Once Hyrule had talked about needing to hide in his world, about the curse that followed him and made the Hylian people afraid. He’d thought it bizarre and ridiculous of the people at the time, but now he understood what it was to live it.

When the portal opened beneath his feet the day that the Queen had reprimanded him for concealing and potentially damaging the strange limb, startling the Skeikah scientists and Queen both, he’d nearly cried tears of relief.

He was going away, somewhere where he wasn’t a science project and where, unless they traveled to his world’s future, no one would know how much he had changed. His copy of the slate had enough hair dye to last him a few months, and he was certain he could make more over time, and as long as he continued wearing the tunics and gloves the fairies had helped him to adjust to hide the glow the others would probably never catch on. Or well, he could extend it anyway.

His brothers greeted him with open arms and teary eyes, and in a strange parallel to his adventure, he found himself thinking of blupees when Legend had curled against him, stiff and cold on the outside, but with fingers that clutched his tunic just a bit too tight to really be reluctant. And Four, Hyrule and Wind’s exuberant hugs and chatter brought to mind tiny forest people and koroks with twigs for batons.

It was good to be home.

It was good to cook for other people again, and they were glad to have him cook for them, even if his fondness for both Gerudo spiced dishes and fae like sweet things had increased exponentially during his newest adventure. It was good to fight at their sides, even if it was strange to once again have to take others into account before he could select a weapon. It was good to sit around a fire and talk with the others too, but that was perhaps the hardest one; it had been ages since he’d had a proper two-way conversation with anything other than a tree or a korok, and neither of those was good at either staying awake or staying focused for very long.

There were some harder things to adjust to though. Fire, for one. Unlike before when he’d have been happy to burn an enemy camp to the ground, now he was wary of using faming weapons or spreading heat further than necessary. The same went for hunting; he couldn’t bring himself to shoot an animal unless it attacked first or they needed the meat it would provide, and even then, he felt a bit bad for doing so. Is this what Twilight had felt like? Is this why the rancher never liked hunting? Because he too knew what it was like to be on the other end of the bow?

But the hardest thing by far to readjust to was his name.

‘Wild’ they had called him again, and after months of ‘the wild one’, ‘wild beast’, ‘monster’ and every other insult, slur or title that had been used on him, it made him flinch ever so slightly at the words. And unlike the other things where his brothers dismissed it as a change caused by his adventure or an increase of maturity, it was something that the others seemed to either not notice or to excuse as situational.

He had adapted though, learned to keep a smile on his face where blankness had once been required in his knightly duties, and the more he wore the mask the easier it was to put on again.

He’d reveled in traveling across time again, in dancing through battles and exploring the world without the Queen reprimanding him in her cold tones to stop wandering off. He’d pushed himself to learn more music in the last adventure, and even if his experience was more with what few instruments Ganon had had time to help him learn, he’d enjoyed sitting down with the others and borrowing one or another instrument to play a tune and sometimes he even got to sing.

He fell to comfortably into his role though, even with the changes, and he hadn’t even noticed when they’d come back to his world. To be fair, it was different in the daytime, and Hyrule had changed so much in the absence of her hero as he hid himself away from the eyes of civilization. Towns and roads had sprung up where there had only been fields before, and the Guardians that had littered the land had all been dug up and hauled to the castle to be either restored or destroyed by the Sheikah, depending on what Queen Zelda decided after she looked at them herself. The world was so different to him, so unlike that which he knew, that he’d failed to keep as alert as he ought to have been when he wandered about an open market with the others, laughing and chattering away with the other younger ones as Time and Legend herded them towards the needed stalls.

It was a traveler that was his downfall, a man who’d seen the Monster Hero and had been among the first to discover the disguise he wore.

No questions were asked when the word spread, and Wild hadn’t caught on to the whispers until a stone had struck his cheek and he was stumbling forwards on the path.

“Wild!” Twilight was at his side in a minute, Time right after him as Legend launched a barrage of insults at the guilty party who’d thrown the thing.

“’m fine.” He was careful to wipe the blood away with his cloak, holding the fabric to the wound to prevent bluish blood seeping down his face and exposing him to his brothers. He wanted to keep them as long as possible and proving himself to be a monster, not even Hylian, would surely have them turning their backs on him.

“Get away from him!” A woman scolded, grabbing ahold of two of the younger heroes while several other shoppers had like ways grabbed Legend and Sky. “Are you dears alright? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Freaking what?” Legend shrieked. “Who’s the injured party here?”

“I’d avoid that thing, son.” A man huffed through a frankly walrus like mustache, eyes hard as they trailed to where Wild stood, cloak still pressed to his cheek as he attempted to wave off a fussing Twilight and Time. “It’s not natural. Sure, it looks like a normal Hylian, but that’s just an effective ruse.”

Another villager nodded. “It’s one of the Calamity’s puppets, a Gerudo-Bastard set on destroying the kingdom!”

“He’s the freaking hero!” Legend shrieked, barely being held back by a steely eyed Sky. “He saved all your freaking asses and all you can do is insult his flipping guts? Who’s the-”

“Enough.” There were few times that Sky’s voice reached levels worse than Twilight’s growls, but the stern command, regal and firm, froze all present as the man stiffened with a cold nod towards the villagers. “I see we are unwelcome here, and with that being the case it would be wise to spend our rupees elsewhere. Legend,” A tug to the boy’s shoulders. “Let’s join the others and be out of their hair. If they cannot be welcoming and kind to our brother than they will not receive our patronage.” And like a swan gathering it’s cygnets, Sky swept down the street, cape fluttering as he ushered the rest of them out of the town and back to the safety of the wilds. The village stared after them with wide eyes, as if they’d just been judged by a breathing god.

The stiffness in Sky’s shoulders faded as they neared the edge of the forest, and instantly the Chosen Hero been tutting over Wild, gently but firmly prying his hand away from his face with a kind smile that almost set Wild at ease. Almost.

“It’s fine, it’s just a scrape.”

“Still.” Sky crooned softly. “I’d rather we clean it up now and make sure it’s nothing worse than let it sit and get infected later.”

And though he’d tried to fight, his single Hylian hand was no match for the firm grip of the Skyloftian, and within minutes his face was exposed to the shocked faces and flickering eyes of his brothers.

“It’s blue...” Wind breathed as Hyrule darted forwards, hands already glowing softly only for them to stutter to a stop over Wild’s skin.

“It’s... Wild, why is your blood- why is-” The healer’s eyes had flickered golden for a moment, wide as they stared up at him. “What happened to you-”

“What the freak!” Legend had startled, blinking in surprise as he stared. “Your eyes are glowing!”

Shit! The healing properties of the arm had already taken affect and it was making everything act up all weird! He shot a glance down at his arm, one hand raising to tangle in the long hair he couldn’t even see at the moment, praying silently beneath his breath that nothing was showing through. It wasn’t, but that didn’t change how Hyrule had come to fixate on his right arm, or how the healer's fingers hovered over it sparking and eyes twinkling as he whispered softly under his breath.

“Wild.” Time had sighed. “I think this one is going to need an explanation.”

All the breath left his lung in instants.

He’d panicked to say the least and Time had eventually shooed the others away to make camp as the eldest hero had sat at his side, waiting silently for him to regulate his breathing. Touch was too much right now, and any attempts from the others to ease him down or help him level out his breathes had only made him panic more. But when at last his blue eyes blinked back to clarity it was to see Time sitting at his side, a gentle tune wafting from the Ocarina at his lips.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, trying his hardest not to startle Time or otherwise make the situation worse. “I should have said something, I know. I just- missed being Wild and I wanted to come back and be normal and I didn’t want to-”

“It’s alright.” Time’s voice rumbled softly, a single blue eye turning to him with a pained look, even as the man offered him a hint of a smile. “None of us talk about our adventures either.”

“Yes, but you’re people.” He sighed, rubbing the fingers of his glove together. “You’re allowed to choose things.”

There was pain in Time’s voice when their leader answered. “And you’re not?”

“I’m not Hylia anymore.” He whispered. “I don’t count.”

“You count to us.”

“That’s because you don’t know.”

Time shifted, turning to face him fully as the ocarina was set firmly in the grass. “That’s because you’re family and we care. Wild, I don’t care if Demise himself named you the king of the dead, you’re still my kid and Nayru knows I’m not going to let you go without a fight. If that means fighting you, alright, but you’d best better believe that no amount of physical or mental changes will break the bonds we all have with you.”

Something, something damaged and crushed and stitched up and torn open again clenched inside of him, tears pricking at his eyes as he stared up at Time’s royal blue gaze. “W-what?”

“You could be granted godhood, made a monster, I don’t care. You’re ours and you’ll have to deal with that.” Time smiled, warm even with the pain in his eyes as he looked down at him. “So how about you start again, maybe with the facts rather than the insults. Or,” Time softened, brows furrowing lightly. “If you want, we can just sit here and you can choose to talk about this later. We do need to know, so we can help you and keep you safe, but you don’t have to tell us right now. You can take some time to figure out what you want to say if you need.”

And, well, shoot him, but Time’s arms had always been a safe place and there was one thing he’d wanted more than anything since he had come back. Wild threw himself into his grand-mentor's arms with a soft sob, clutching tightly to the other, ignoring the armor and its sharp points and awkward shapes as he tried to hold back all the emotions swirling in his chest.

Time’s arms folding around him broke the floodgates though, and when the man’s hand had stroked through his shortened hair, he’d had to bury his face in Tim’s neck to muffle his sobs.

“There, there,” Time hummed softly, rocking slowly as he held the broken wild hero. “Let it out, little one. I have you, I’ve got you and I’m not letting anyone hurt you.”

[engie-ivy]

Sirius wants Remus to reject him. Not because he wants Remus to reject him, but because it's at least better than the excuses.

Short College AU Get-Together😊

A Better Reason

Sirius purposely doesn’t look up from the Sunday paper’s crossword puzzle when his roommate, Remus, stumbles into the kitchen.

Their other roommate, James, takes one look at Remus’ distressed appearance, and Sirius’ grim expression, firmly keeping his eyes fixed on the paper, and picks up his mug to leave the kitchen, not even bothering to come up with an excuse. From the corner of his eyes, Sirius sees him give Remus a pointed look as he walks past.

Sirius feels his hand cramp up, and suddenly realizes he’s gripping his pen so hard it might snap. With an effort he forces his hand to relax. “I didn’t expect you’d be awake so early,” he says, still not looking up from the paper. “After the night you had.”

“Yeah, well...” Remus runs a hand through his hair. “I didn’t sleep very well.”

A thought suddenly occurs to Sirius and he jerks his head up. “Is Fabian here?”

“What? No! No, that’s not what I... No, he went home after the party. I... I didn’t know you were going to be there?”

“Regulus rescheduled, so I decided to come out anyway. I thought I’d be fun,” Sirius says in a bitter tone. “I didn’t know you had a date?”

“It was a last-minute thing,” Remus mumbles. “Fabian asked, and I was feeling stressed and could use a distraction...” He trails off.

Sirius snorts. “Well, you looked perfectly distracted alright.” He didn’t know how long he had stood there, watching Remus dance up against Fabian, before Remus had even noticed him. Then, of course, Sirius had made a quick exit.

“I’m sorry,” Remus says.

“Why?”

“Because I thought you weren’t coming!”

Sirius shakes his head. “No, why are you sorry? I mean, there’s nothing between us, you don’t owe me anything. You can do whatever the hell you like.” A small voice inside his head asks ‘then why are you mad?’, but he ignores it.

“Still,” Remus says. “It was shitty to let you stand there and watch that.”

“I suppose,” Sirius replies flatly. “So was it all just a bunch of crap then?”

“Was what all just a bunch of crap?”

“You know,” Sirius rolls his eyes. “That whole ‘I can’t date you because I’m leaving for Boston in a couple of months, so it wouldn’t be wise to start something in London now’-story you gave me.”

“No,” Remus says. “No, I meant that.”

“But yet you said yes when Fabian asked.”

“That was different.”

“Come on, Remus!” Sirius scoffs. “Admit it was me you didn’t want to date!”

“I can’t... That’s not...”

“Look, I’m a big boy, Remus. I don’t know if you were trying to blow me off or let me down gently or whatever, but I can handle rejection! What I can’t handle is you not being honest with me.”

“I wasn’t lying, Sirius!” Remus almost sounds desperate.

“Making up excuses, whatever you want to call it.”

“I said no when you asked me out on a date because I’m leaving for Harvard by the end of the semester,” Remus says emphatically.

Sirius folds his arms over his chest. “But somehow, that only applies to me. Why is it perfectly fine to go out on a date with Fabian, then?”

“Because I’m not worried that I’m going to fall head over heels in love with Fabian!” Remus shouts. “Because the thought of leaving Fabian behind doesn’t already stab at my heart as it is! Because leaving for Boston after allowing there to be something more than friendship between me and Fabian won’t absolutely destroy me! So yes, Sirius, if you must know, that only applies to you!”

“Remus...”

Remus pinches the bridge of his nose. “Shite. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Remus.”

“No, please, I’m sorry. Just forget it.”

“Remus, if you feel that way about me, and I feel that way about you, then we should be together.”

Remus shakes his head. “No. We shouldn’t. We really shouldn’t.”

“Why?” Sirius asks. “Why shouldn’t we?”

“There are so many reasons we shouldn’t!” Remus exclaims. “We shouldn’t because we’ll be more than 5000 kilometres away from each other, and with me having barely enough money to go to Harvard even with the scholarship, and you being disowned, neither one of us has money for plane tickets!”

Sirius takes a step closer to him, while Remus continues speaking.

“We shouldn’t because with both of us being busy with our studies and our jobs to pay for our studies, and you with the football team and me with my writing projects, we’ll hardly have any time to video call, not to mention the time difference!”

Sirius takes another step closer.

“We shouldn’t because with you being who you are, you know people are going to be throwing themselves at you as soon as the new semester starts, and with me being who I am, I know that my insecurities are going to plague me, and it’ll kill me every time I know you’re out, and that’s not fair to me, or to you!”

Another step closer.

“We shouldn’t because our friendship is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t want to taint the memory of it with the inevitable messy breakup.”

Another step and Sirius is almost standing chest to chest with Remus. He carefully reaches out and cups Remus’ cheek. Remus’ eyes flutter close for a brief moment, before he looks up at Sirius again.

“We should,” Sirius says slowly. “Because I love you.”

“This is a terrible idea,” Remus whispers hoarsely, while he leans into Sirius’ touch.

Sirius only shrugs.

“We’re going to crash and burn,” Remus says, but even as he says it, his hands slide around to the back of Sirius’ neck, as he pulls him down into a kiss.

[gentrychild]

I wish you would write a fic where Izuku is in Gen Ed and wrecks havoc.

(Sorry, you just get tired Gen Ed teacher.)

Kazuko’s phone was out of battery or it would at least be the excuse she would use to explain why she wasn’t answering the dozens of calls that were probably saturating her voicemail this very moment.

She didn’t want to know. She longed for the bliss of ignorance. And even if, rationally speaking, she knew that there was no proof that one of her students was connected to whatever had sent a dozen of heroes running/flying/driving at full speed to Tattooine, she simply knew that he had done something.

But it didn’t concern her before her first coffee. Every morning, she had fifteen blessed minutes where she could just relax at her desk, without anyone interrupting her, right before her students arrived.

She just had to walk through the hallways without being noticed… get in the teacher room… grab one of the coffees that Yagi-san, the new teacher, brought every morning… and then… just…

Something appeared as she was making a quick get-away and she screamed, her high-pitched-shriek echoing on every wall. Heroic heads popped up from every room in that specific hallway, only to disappear when they saw what had surprised her.

“Hello to you too, Kurosawa-san,” the principal cheerfully greeted her. “Would you mind accompanying me to my office?”

Kazuko was a nice person who didn’t deserve this but she still complied, pushing back her hair with one head and straightening her bag so it would stop hitting her hip every time she took a step.

They took the elevator reserved for Nedzu’s exclusive usage (which meant that she had to crouch a little) and discovered Aizawa-san already here, though his sleeping bag was crumpled on the ground. He had just gotten out of it.

“What did he do this time?” she sighed, because of course, this was about Midoriya Izuku.

Most of Gen Ed was made of students who had tried the entrance exam of the hero course and accepted that maybe becoming a hero simply wasn’t the right path for them. However, since Aizawa-san had arrived, she had met another kind of hero course rejects: those who had passed the exam only to be expelled on their very first day.

Midoriya had clearly ignored that this was an option and had been in the middle of a mental breakdown when she had met him, only to bounce in the most chaotic way possible.

Every year, Kazuko organized a visit to the USJ.

This year, a new group called the League of Villains had attacked the site, expecting to kill All Might while he was teaching a hero class.

Instead, they had met a class full of high schoolers literally ready to kill to get a place in the hero course. Somehow, this had ended with what was left of the League running for their lives and Midoriya keeping one of their most dangerous member as a class pet.

“Earlier this day, Midoriya encountered the villain Muscular during his morning run,” Aizawa-kun announced.

A violent headache started to throb inside Kazuko’s skull.

“Muscular was trying to kill Pro Hero Death Arms at the time. So Midoriya recruited about ten random civilians and quirk-engineered an explosion that embed Muscular into the side of a building.”

Kazuko drank her coffee. It was rude and inappropriate to drink it righ now but she needed it.

“No need to worry,” Nedzu gently patted her hand. “Midoriya’s bio enhanced weapon apparently sat on Muscular when he woke up so the police was able to apprehend him quickly.”

“We prefer to call him Ren,” Kazuko couldn’t help to say.

Her students were very attached to him. He kept following Midoriya around like a lost puppy so Nedzu had given the permission for him to live in UA. One of Aizawa’s students, Yaoyorozu, had even made him a uniform his size.

“Of course,” Nedzu nodded. “Ren it is. But what Aizawa-kun and I would like to talk to you about is that… we think that there is no need to wait how Midoriya will do at the Sport Festival to bring him to the hero course.”

Technically, it would be to bring him back. But Kazuko knew better than to say it out loud.

Just like she knew better than to clearly tell Nedzu and Aizawa that there was no way she was going to announce Midoriya that there was a chance he could go back to a situation where he could be expelled once again from the hero course.

She emptied her coffee cup in three gulps, letting the caffeine clear all her stress and replacing it by a lack of patience for nonsense.

“Apart from the USJ accident, Midoriya had met three villains since the beginning of the year but he has also been working closely with a student from the support course to equip Gen Ed students and he is trying to adopt the weapon made to kill the number 1 hero. Only the hero course can deal with such a student,” Aizawa declared.

Well, now that he was mentioning it.

“Oh, I agree,” Kazuko smiled. Well, showed her teeth but really, who could see the difference? “Midoriya shouldn’t be in gen ed. Instead, he should be in the hero course. Where he had applied. And where he was received, until he was expelled on his first day.”

“He couldn’t control his quirk. He was a danger to himself and to everyone else. I am far from opposed to him getting back in the hero course after the Sport Festival…”

“Sorry to interrupt you but Midoriya and his uncontrollable quirk were accepted in the hero course,” Kazuko reminded him. “I don’t think you’re realizing the effect it had on him. I mean, there is a reason why he doesn’t bother calling adults for help anymore. Which is why I am grateful that his second shadow/bodyguard is supposedly on All Might’s level.”

Midoriya wasn’t able to stop saving people. But now, he was convinced that he had to do this on his own.

So now, it was Kazuko’s job to do something about his self-esteem. Fortunately for her, All Might and Gran Torino (who she suspected to be his father and his grandfather but that was a story that could only be shared in front of the coffee machine in the teacher room) were already his quirk training.

“It was really nice to have this conversation with the both of you,” she smiled. “Unfortunately, I can’t advise one of my students to go back to 1-A. It seems premature. Especially when I am trying to build trust. I am actually hopefully optimistic that he would consider going to therapy.”

And as soon as she was done here, she would find out more about Aldera middle school.

[linkspooky]

Kamo and Megumi is the same... 

I’ve always read the Kyoto vs Tokyo arc as a breakdown of communication.The Kyoto kids want understanding, but  due to everyone being teenagers the Kyoto Kids cannot explain and the Tokyo Kids cannot understand. One of the stand out moments is when Kamo insists they are the same, and Megumi just says no. 

They are both dark haired, quiet, introverts. They were both born outsiders. Toji and Kamo’s mother the prostitute. People that the clan looked down on. However, the clan will take in their children because they were born with a strong cursed technique. They’re both strategists, who act like they’re logical, but tend to be swayed by emotions instead. They’re both trying to protect someone, Megumi his sister, and Kamo his mother and both only became jujutsu sorcerers to protect these people. 

But yeah, they’re totally not the same at all... More under the cut. 

So, why does Megumi reject Kamo so utterly? 

Well, on the surface level it’s simply because Kamo is wrong.

To explain complicated morality a bit. 

Killing one child, even if it’s to protect the peace of everybody else is ethically wrong. 

However, the position Kamo is trying to explain to Megumi is utilitarian. He’s saying, the best way to handle this situation is to do what’s best for everybody, kill one person out of a hundred to save ninety nine. 

He then also adds that, because they’re both heirs to political families they are pressured to think that way. Kamo is thinking in a utilitarian sense, because, he’s saying that as a family with major political power they have to make their decisions on the scope of society as a whole. 

So adding onto that,  Kamo is acting like there is a higher order of reasoning. He says they are expected to think in strictly numerical terms like this, they have to be utilitarian, they have to make their decisions without personal bias, because that’s what is expected of them as the future heads of clan. Kamo is also trying to elaborate, he’s not really allowed, to let personal feelings get in the way of his judgement, because from such a young age he’s always been forced to act responsible in every situation. 

So basically.  Kamo is saying. I’m not allowed to do what I think is right because I’m the son of the Kamo clan, I have to do what the clan thinks is right and fall into line with their utilitarian thinking. 

Megumi’s response to this is, I don’t care about that, I decide things based on what I think is right.

So on one level Megumi is right. Kamo is not actually doing what he thinks is right, he’s doing what the clan thinks is right and claiming he has no choice. Megumi is saying “I don’t care about your cicrumstances or what’s pressuring you, I still believe it’s wrong for you to try to kill my friend.” 

He also, is right in calling that most people are just following their own conscience and just trying to do what they think is right. Kamo’s repressed motivation this entire time is, he’s not really thinking of the whole clan, he’s just trying to do right by his mother. Megumi, is trying to save Tsumiki and Yuji, Kamo is trying to save his mother, however they go about it in different ways, Megumi by saving people selfishly, and Kamo by pretending to be the dutiful and loyal son. 

Megumi’s callout works. Both Megumi and Kamo are just doing what they feel is right in this situation. Kamo is the one pretending like he has a higher reasoning. He’s using the clan’s control over him as a way to excuse himself for what he knows is wrong. 

However, on another level Megumi is wrong.

Megumi is saying, you are doing a bad thing. Therefore, you are a bad person and I don’t have to listen to you. 

When it’s really that Kamo is in a bad family situation. It’s true Kamo’s choices are his own, and he can still make bad decisions and held to responsible for them, however, it’s impossible not to look at Kamo’s family situation, because one it influences his decisions so much (the constant flashbacks to his mother, he’s trying to do what will protect his mom), and two because it resembles Megumi’s own family situation so much (Megumi is also, someone who became a Jujutsu Sorcerer to save his sister). 

“We have no choice but to curse each other.” 

In other words. 

“I don’t care to hear what your reasons are, I’m just going to fight you.” 

It’s never a good thing when you’re quoting Geto. 

This is a bad end. This is where the talks break down. The thing is, both Megumi and Kamo are wrong because they are both kids. Yes, Kamo shouldn’t have ever agreed to the order to kill Yuji but at the same time, Kamo never should have been put in that situation. It’s the adults that are making these kids fight, it’s the adults that create the situations where these kids fight. 

Megumi is using a simplified morality here. Megumi unconsciously divies people into good or bad people and judges them based upon that. We’ve seen them do this countless times, he sees the bad people as not worth saving, and then puts the good ones on a pedestal where they can do no wrong. 

His sister is a “good person” therefore she’s always a good person. Yuji is a “good person” therefore no matter what he does he’s always a good person and worth saving. The problem with this sort of black and white morality is that it doesn’t apply to a life that is a very, messy, gray. The thing is, the way Megumi sees the world the only people who ever do bad things are bad people. 

Well, this guy must have been bad because he hit someone while driving without a liscense.

Megumi says while not knowing the circumstances at all.  Maybe he was driving to work without a license because his mom needed the money and he was still in high school and couldn’t get one? Maybe, he actually felt sorry about it. 

The thing is, the guy was arrested, and was already actively serving penance for his crime. And yet, Megumi is like, “Nah he’s not worth saving. I was planning on letting him die.” 

That’s like, an awful thing to think, because crimminals are no longer human and therefore no longer worth saving. That’s how simplified Megumi’s view on morality is, it’s downright childish, once you’ve done a bad thing you’re labeled as bad for life. People can’t improve, or repent or feel sorry for what they’ve done. 

The thing is people do bad things all the time without meaning too, or for understandable reasons, or because they’re people. Megumi’s primary fear is what if the person I save, turns out to be a bad person?

However, that doesn’t come from a place of hating crimminals per se. 

It comes from Megumi’s tenderness, his kindness, his fear of hurting people. Childish is the best way to describe it. Megumi’s primary character trait is that he was abandoned by both parents, he doesn’t really know how to survive in the world but he has to pretend that he does because no one else is there to take care of him. Add onto that the idea that he was sort of forced into becoming a jujutsu sorcerer first by his dad selling him, then by Gojo only intervening on the premise that he come to work for him instead. Second, on the fact that he was completely powerless to stop whatever was happening to Tsumiki. 

It makes perfect sense that Megumi has a really childish morality, he is a child, and it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to punish bad people so much as he’s afraid of other people getting hurt by his actions, and he’s afraid that he might be at fault, that he might be the reason that people like Toji, and Tsumiki left his life. Megumi is so careful with choosing his actions, because he’s so afraid that he’s the reason everyone else around him left him, and if he screws up he’ll lose other people again, or he’ll hurt people. It comes from Megumi genuinely being a soft guy towards almost everyone he meets, just like Yuji. 

The problem is, Kamo is the same.

Kamo is also someone coping really badly with circumstances just like Megumi is. However, when it comes to judge Kamo Megumi just ignores those circumstances. 

The difference between Kamo and Megumi is that one of them is good, or one of them is bad, they’re not better than the other, their fight even got interrupted and ended in a tie. They are both children.

The difference is their circumstances. Basically at this time, Kamo had already been placed as the next head of the Kamo clan, whereas Megumi was still being protected by Gojo. Megumi doesn’t stop to think about how their circumstances might be different, because he doesn’t think of circumstances at all he’s still hung up on good people vs. bad people. 

The reason that Kamo decided to turn against Yuji is that he was being pressured too, he thought he had to choose between doing the thing he thought would help his mother, or saving a random stranger. He made a bad choice, but people make bad choices in bad circumstances. 

The problem with Megumi’s reasoning is that he assumes because he’s deciding things based on his own conscience, that he’ll just somehow be stronger in those circumstances. Megumi assumes that he would still make the right choice, even if put into Kamo’s cricumstances. However, how would Megumi react if he was forced to choose between Yuji and Tsumiki. If he had to decide which one to save? 

Now, Megumi is being pushed into similiar circumstances that Kamo once faced. 

Tsumiki, who Megumi always held up as his gold standard of a good person might do something bad. Geto says he’s going to release all the new cursed energy users he created and make them fight, Tsumiki might hurt someone. 

Yuji, who also was what Megumi decided was a good person also has hurt a lot of people now. 

Yuji and Tsumiki are both victims of circumstance the same way Kamo was once. Yuji never wanted to do anything bad, his only intention the whole way was to save people. Yuji ended up hurting a lot of people in Tokyo. It wasn’t even his fault, but the undeniable reality is it’s still something that happened. 

This is why dividing people into good or bad doesn’t work, good people can still hurt other people, good people make mistakes, good people are capable of doing wrong. 

You could say that Yuji should have always known about the possibility that Sukuna would rampage, but it didn’t occur to him, that one he’d ever be in a situation where Gojo wouldn’t be around to stop him, and two he didn’t think he’d be fed ten or so fingers at once. It’s true Yuji wasn’t acting responsibly as Sukuna’s host, but Yuji is, just a kid. He’s like seventeen. There’s no way he can be held responsible in every single situation. 

If you wanted to be pedantic you could even go back and say that Kamo’s decision was the right one. That Megumi should have killed Yuji all along, because the threat was always there that Yuji might let Sukuna rampage and kill hundreds of people.

However, even that is missing the point. The point being that, Kamo, Yuji and Megumi are all just kids. It’s unreasonable to expect any of them to be well adjusted in these circumstances. By expecting these kids to act like rational adults in situations that most adults couldn’t handle, then blaming the kids for their reactions, all you’re ensuring really is that the kids pay for the adults mistakes. 

Now, Megumi is being put into the exact same position as Kamo. He’s a child, being forced to now act like the heir to the Zen’in clan because Gojo is no longer around to protect him. He’s going to become a piece to be manipulated by the adults around him. 

Megumi probably won’t do very well in this situation, because he’s just a kid. If anything that’s the strength of Jujutsu Kaisen as a manga. Characters don’t ever like heroically overcome circumstances with sheer willpower alone. Yuji isn’t acting heroic like now, he’s horrified by what Sukuna used his body to do, he doesn’t feel like he can go back home right now because his friends wouldn’t accept him anymore, and he would just hurt them. It’s almost etter to see Yuji falter with circumstances instead of heroically overcome them, because now Yuji feels like a real kid. He feels what any kid would feel in that situation, he struggles with it. 

Kamo and Megumi are the same, because they’re just kids. I wish Megumi would see that too, because he might learn to be more forgiving towards himself. It’s not his fault that Toji and Tsumiki left because he wasn’t good enough. 

The strange thing is Yuji thinks that Megumi might blame him for what happened in Tokyo and think he is a bad person now, but Megumi is much more likely to blame himself. He’ll think it was his choice to save Yuji that led to Sukuna rampaging and he has to bear all the respnosibility alone without Yuji. When the truth is it’s neither of their faults, because both Megumi and Yuji are just kids.