#(as flattered as I am and as stressed out as I've been I don't think there's a better alternative for me all in all than where I am atm)

[nerdnag]

Omg

[baek-at-it-again95]

We Know

Pairings: park seonghwa x fem reader x choi san

genres/content: action, agent au, mafia au? rivalry, leader bang chan, angry seonghwa, y/n is san's weakness lol

Warnings: profanity, violence, weapons, suggestive content!! please take care of yourselves <3

A/N: I am nervous about this one y'all 😳 I've never written something like this before, but it ended up being so fun! This is for my friends, @milfks and L, who had these wonderful ideas! Love you two lots <3

Synopsis: Tonight's mission is in your hands, and you're eager to prove that you're capable of handling it on your own. Unfortunately, your plans are interrupted a bit sooner than you expected.

***

"I've got eyes on him," you mumble, pretending to fix your diamond earring as you adjust your earpiece. Surveying from the platform of the mansion's grand staircase, your eyes follow a man in a black suit as he turns the corner and disappears down a far hallway.

Chan's sigh rings in your earpiece. "Be careful."

"I can handle myself. Trust me."

"I trust you, Y/N. You know that. It's everyone else that I don't trust. It's your first time unaccompanied," Chan says.

"Like I said, I can handle it. Besides, the boys are always out by themselves and they're just fine." If you could see Chan right now, you know he'd be pinching the bridge of his nose out of stress, holding back from giving you a lecture on why your situation is different from theirs. You know his concern is out of love, and he would blame himself if anything were ever to happen to you. But this is your chance to prove yourself. Tonight, you'll be participating in an auction to get your hands on the Cromer, a powerful artifact that can control time. It's been rumored that ATEEZ has their sights set on it as well, so Chan had you do as much research on them as possible. Unfortunately for you, they're quite good at covering their tracks and keeping their identities under wraps. You know only a few of their names and faces, so you'll need to be extra careful about your approach to this. 

The auction will begin in about an hour, and you'd rather not hear a lecture from Chan. "I'm going in," you whisper. Your black dress flatters your figure perfectly, and you're excited to show it off tonight. With a deep breath, you make your way down the staircase, your heels silent on the expensive red carpet.

Clusters of people stand together around the large space, sipping champagne and chatting amongst themselves. Many wives have separated into groups away from their husbands, who go on and on about their latest business ventures and investments. Understandable—how boring. You greet some people as you go, your charming smile in effect as their eyes land on you. One woman compliments your dress as you pass by, and you enthusiastically return her compliment, telling her that her own dress brings out her eyes. She blushes and tells you it's custom made, which basically means "my dress is worth twice as much as the average person's monthly paycheck." 

You continue to weave through the crowds and admittedly get a bit distracted, still thinking about the woman's compliment. As you turn into the hallway you witnessed your target disappear into, you bump straight into an oncoming person. A strong arm wraps around your waist before you can lose balance on your high heels. 

"Woah there, doll. Straying too far, are we?" A tall man with dark hair looks down at you, his eyebrows raised.

Park Seonghwa. Just the man you were looking for. 

"My apologies sir," you say quietly, feigning innocence and avoiding his eyes. His arm leaves your waist after steadying you. "I was wandering in hopes of finding a vacant room to lie down...I'm afraid I've had a bit too many drinks too early in the night." You stumble for dramatic effect, hoping he'll eat up your lies. "I have to sober up before the auction," you say, shaking your head. "Daddy will throw a fit if I spend all his money tonight."

The man looks amused. "Yeah? Better be careful, princess."

"I can handle myself," you say for the second time tonight, stepping closer to trace the pads of your manicured fingers over the fabric on his chest. He tilts your chin up gently, and you meet his intense gaze. He's breathtaking. Suddenly, you have an idea that seems much more fun than your previous plans.

Sorry Chan, you think as you press yourself against Seonghwa.

***

You didn't find anything of importance on Seonghwa's person, but you did manage to slip a tracking device into his suit pocket. Chan should be able to access his location any minute now.

You enter the auction room fifteen minutes before the event is scheduled to start, scanning the tables for your seat. It's dimly lit, a majority of the lighting coming from a screen behind the stage. You don't see Seonghwa seated anywhere yet.

"And what are the starting bids on you, lovely?" a low voice asks, breath tickling your ear. You turn to look at the owner of the voice, his strong facial features almost as striking as his neatly-styled red hair. He's practically undressing you with his eyes, and you can't say you hate it.

"Whatever you've got to offer, pretty boy," you reply sweetly. He smirks, pleased with himself as one of his hands finds your waist.

"My friend says you're not as innocent as you look."

"Pardon?" you ask. The man turns you around, your back against his broad chest as his free hand reaches up to your ear. Before you know it, your earpiece is on the ground in front of you, crushed beneath a polished designer shoe. Looking up, you see that the shoe belongs to none other than Park Seonghwa. Of course they're working together.

You freeze as something cold presses to the exposed small of your back. 

Fuck.

"One wrong move and you're done for, princess," the man with red hair says calmly, lowering himself back down to your ear. "Try to cause a scene and innocent people will pay the price."

You take a deep breath before nodding your head in submission. You slowly turn back around and watch as he returns his gun to his shoulder holster, his expensive blazer completely concealing it. No one around you sees the ordeal, too distracted and eager to spend their money. The man then puts his arm around your shoulders, leading you out of the auction room. Seonghwa follows close behind, making sure you aren't able to slip away. You have no idea if he is armed at this point in time.

You're led into a large meeting room at the very end of the upstairs corridor, the bright moonlight seeping through the open balcony doors and illuminating the glossy wooden table at the center of the room. You catch a glimpse of the pretty garden below the balcony before the man guiding you throws you to the floor. You can feel the bruises forming on your knees instantly.

You don't dare fight back yet—your training in hand-to-hand combat doesn't do shit when your opponents are armed with guns, of course. You would attempt it if he were alone, but with Seonghwa present and potentially armed, you'd rather feel the situation out. 

God, Chan will never let you out onto the field again. He's probably losing his mind now that you've lost contact with each other. Not to mention the fact that you were busted before you even had a chance to get what you came here for. The auction is going to start any minute, and now you're certain there are other ATEEZ members in the auction room that are ready to claim the Cromer instead of you.

You're angry with yourself for not being more prepared with your own weapon, but your favorite handgun unfortunately didn't fit under your dress of choice. You sigh to yourself. At least you look good in it. 

"Give it up, sweetheart. We know what's going on here," the man with red hair says. Seonghwa locks the door behind him before speaking.

"I saw your wolf tattoo, and I've seen only one other just like it. You're working with Bang Chan," he states, is emotions unreadable. 

No. You had forgotten to conceal your waist tattoo since your dress fully covers it. You hadn't expected to completely remove your dress tonight. Rookie mistake. You should expect everything. 

"All this over a tattoo?" You eye him, downplaying the situation.

"How brave of you to interfere with our operation by yourself," the other man comments, ignoring your previous sentence. "No back up here to save you, huh?" 

"Oh, you don't really believe she's here alone, do you, San?" Seonghwa asks. Choi San. You recognize that name. Seonghwa comes over to you, a completely different aura surrounding him now. He's intimidating, gripping your chin with much more force than he had earlier. "Be a good girl and tell us where your friends are, yeah? Don't make things difficult." A chill runs down your spine at his threat. 

"I'm not here with anyone," you state. It's the truth. Even though Chan had insisted he wait in his car nearby, you convinced him to stay and monitor operations from your base. If you don't make contact within the next hour or two, he'll know something is wrong and follow Seonghwa's location.

"Wrong answer, princess." He grips your hair harshly and you wince. "I have a hard time believing that they would put you in a situation like this without back up. Where are they?"

It's sweet of him to underestimate you, honestly. You got yourself into this situation, and you're sure as hell going to get yourself out. You're already halfway done formulating your escape plan. "I said they're not here," you answer again. He lets go of your hair with a hiss.

"It would pain me to ruin such a pretty face...I think we'll let the boss deal with you." 

The boss? Chan told you that no one knows the leader of ATEEZ—it's safe to assume that anyone who's seen him hasn't lived to tell the tale. You're not sure if he'll have any mercy at all to offer you. But maybe these two still have some in them.

"No, please!" you plead, your fists balled up as they rest on your thighs. "If I tell you where they are, will you go easy on me?" You let your head hang low, looking at the floor. San lowers himself in front of you and you find his eyes. You blink, letting a few tears slip down your cheeks. 

"Sure, doll face. We will." You look away from him to briefly meet eyes with Seonghwa. He still stands at full height, arms crossed as he looks down at you. Perhaps it's your tears making your vision blurry, but you swear his gaze softens at the sight of you. You look back to San, sniffling.

"You promise?"

Now, never ever would someone in their right mind trust a promise from someone like them. But you're not planning on following through with your own side of the promise, either. Two can play at this game. You would never jeopardize the safety of SKZ...you told Chan you could handle yourself and you meant it.

"Promise," San says. He's truly something else, radiating such strong and convincing charm. You would fall for his promise in a heartbeat if you didn't know who he really was.

As you slowly rise from your knees, San stands with you. "They made me do it," you confess, more tears spilling from your eyes and taking your favorite mascara with them. "They said they would kill me if I didn't," you whisper, looking away. 

"It's okay, doll," San says, coming closer to comfort you. You flinch before he touches you. "Just tell us where they are, okay? We'll help you." You bury yourself in his chest, your frame shaking in his arms as you cry quietly.

Your best performance yet, if you say so yourself.

After a long minute in his embrace, you begin to pull away. In the process, you grab the gun out of San's shoulder holster and hold the barrel to the center of his chest. He curses under his breath, raising his arms in defeat. You slowly step backwards, turning your aim to Seonghwa as a warning not to try anything, and then returning your aim to San. Seonghwa makes no attempt to grab for anything, so now you know for a fact that he is unarmed.

"I told you the first time that there's no one here with me." You smile. "But it's nice to discover that you both have a heart." 

"Tell Chan we said hi," Seonghwa replies, irritated. 

"Of course, it would be rude of me not to. It's truly been a pleasure, boys." You give Seonghwa a wink. "We'll meet again, right? Maybe you can introduce me to your boss next time."

You've backed up far enough to step onto the balcony, assessing the situation above and below. The garden below is deserted now that the auction has started, but it's a far drop to the ground. There is another balcony above you, but it seems a bit too high for you to escape to. You're trapped, so you're going to have to pull this off fast to avoid getting hurt. 

All you can hear is the sound of your own heartbeat as you throw the gun over the railing into the garden. If you slip up, they could get their hands on it again, and you cannot let that happen. You'll fight the real way if you must.

As soon as it leaves your hands, the men launch at you. You quickly dodge them, ducking under San's punch and managing to sweep Seonghwa's leg, knocking him to the ground. Now that they're both on the balcony, you run back inside, shutting the french doors and locking them behind you. You know it will barely do anything to set them back—they could easily break them down if they wanted to. Through the glass, you watch as San pulls Seonghwa off the ground and looks at you. He doesn't make an immediate effort to get inside.

Is he letting you go? 

You shouldn't wait around any longer to find out. You blow him a kiss before taking your exit out into the main hall. 

But after stepping out, you see why they let you go...

[cordeliawhohung]

Important:

Under the cut, I'm going to be talking about domestic and sexual violence, general unsafe scenarios, and my boundaries regarding my pet!au series (though, this heavily extends to ALL my works) and the expectations i have for people who interact with me through my writing and what is sent to me in my inbox.

While I understand that I write dark topics in many of my works, covering things from domestic violence, to graphic sexual violence; I am still a human being. I know it's easy to pretend I'm just some random person, some faceless creature through a screen, or whatever other way you may perceive me, but please, be thoughtful and courteous of the things you say to me/send me in my asks. It's extremely inappropriate to send me graphic descriptions of things you are going through/have gone through in relation to what I'm writing or what my works have depicted. It's unhealthy for both me and for you to send me unsolicited stories of detailed abuse, especially because I am in no position to help you.

It's normal for writing to illicit strong emotional responses, and I am genuinely so thankful that my writing has been cathartic for so many of you. You are more than welcome to share with me that something I've written has helped you, or touched you in some sort of way: I just ask that you please spare me the graphic details. It is damaging, and I will not respond to those asks and slap such heavy, unfiltered content for others to see.

You may think that you know me, and feel safe enough sharing such intimate details about the darker parts of your life with me, but I ask that you please don't because you truly do not know me well enough to dump anything heavily triggering like that onto me. It's very flattering, and I'm glad I come across kind, and as a safe person (because I try to be!!) but it makes me severely uncomfortable. I simply will not tolerate it.

I do not wish to discourage anyone from sharing their trauma, or experiences in general. Obviously, talking about things can be really healing and therapeutic. I am not saying you must keep everything to yourself and bottle up these very complicated feelings. I just beg of you to please ensure that the person you are speaking with is able and willing to bear the things you're about to share with them; and I am making it very clear that I am not that person. I wish I could be that person for everyone, but I simply cannot. The emotional turmoil, the stress of not being able to help, it's extremely unhealthy for me. Especially when I am essentially coerced into doing so. Share your experiences in a healthy, and beneficial way. Dumping an experience (or several) onto someone who has not had the chance to back out of the conversation is damaging, and something I can't afford and will not tolerate.

If you find yourself in need of someone to confide in, there are hotlines and other mediums of support you can seek. While I'll admit, sometimes hotlines or online help isn't always the greatest, it is certainly more effective than I'll ever be. Here are some resources (I believe based in the USA) if you find yourself needing them.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

RAINN Sexual Violence Support Hotline

It is gut wrenching knowing people relate to Bonnie in pet!au in any capacity, but I ask you guys to respect these very clear boundaries. I would hate to have to stop writing/take down the story because of inappropriate or harmful behavior in my inbox.

[libraford]

I don't mean to keep talking about work shit but I'm back in that place where I like what I do and want to continue to do it, but there are parts of it that are starting to wear on me personally.

Work bitching under the cut.

We have a whole new crew this season except for me. And my boss is getting more stressed out because of her bosses, which means that when the new crew has questions it falls to me. Which is fine- the person who trained me was real knowledgeable and I'm decent at coming up with solutions to problems on my own.

The new people think I'm 'very chill.' But the truth is that most of the problems they're fussing over are things that I've encountered before and I know how to solve them or who to call if I can't. Sometimes my solutions aren't perfect and the overhead bosses notice that we had to rig something.

My immediate boss wants perfection. I told her that I can't promise that. She still thinks that I can do that, but I've never been a perfectionist. She will show you every hair out of place, every wrinkle in every collar, every misplaced crop.

Well?

Our subjects are children and children are imperfect. I didn't wash my hair for a year in fifth grade because I had constant earaches and didn't want to get my head wet. Sometimes kids are just funny looking- they make weird faces when you tell them to smile, they bug their eyes out, they don't sit still. Like I'm sorry, parents, that your kid doesn't sit with perfectly placed hands and a natural smile- but that's your goofy kid. Love and cherish their goofy years.

With most kids, I have a few tricks for getting them to fix their shirts and hair, get into the correct pose, and somewhat approaching a natural picture smile. But when you're doing 60 subjects a minute, some of them are not going to be perfect.

Yesterday I had a student who was special needs, did not like to be touched, and had specific wants for her photo. Her mother died last month and she wanted a photo of her holding the locket with her picture in it. Its the cutest photo ever.

They'll see that I went off-book. They'll see that her skirt isn't perfectly pleated. They'll see that she has some stray hairs.

I made an accommodation for this child. I accepted that we weren't going to get it perfect, but we were going to get a photo that her grandparents were going to cherish forever. Its truly an adorable photo. If I waited for perfect, I wasn't gonna get it.

Another kid was having a bad day. She was crying. I had to take her picture while she was crying, which is insult to injury for a kid who is having an internal crisis. We weren't going to get perfect.

I instruct the special needs teachers to send their kids to me because I'm very patient and I know some tricks and I know my equipment and I know how to make some adjustments to make it easier that some of my new photographers might not. I may not get perfect. I hope for happy, I hope for 'looking at the camera.' Its a win if I get both.

When I'm doing yearbook candids, I do fast and good. I have a system that allows me to take a rather high volume of decent photos that I know will look good in a yearbook without interrupting a class to get them. You literally can't get perfect here except on accident. They're kids in their natural environment.

When I'm doing sports candids I aim for volume. I know where to stand to get the best shots. If I take enough pictures, occasionally I get a really good one. But I don't look for perfect. I can't be like 'hey basketball dude, could you twist your hips a little bit to get that flattering curve of your spine?' Not happening.

I learned to work fast because I am being asked to do multiple things within a short time frame, so I learned how to process tasks in an efficient way: learning the typical building layout to minimize my workload and prepare for certain hiccups that happen often.

I mention them to the new people. I tell them that I am good and fast because I have done these things for three years and I am familiar with thinking on my feet. Often, I have to get things done quickly so that I can go help the new photographers who are struggling. If they prefer to go slow and focus on details first, that's fine. I will focus on volume and speed, I will pick up the slack while they are still learning.

I am told that I am going too fast. I need to slow down, focus on details, get things right instead of get them done.

But which would you prefer? That your kid was just a little messy for their photo or that I didn't take their photo at all because we ran out of time? Last season, one of our photographers had an emergency and I had to photograph nearly 800 students by myself.

The boss was shocked that they were good. Glad to hear we were expecting garbage.

Yesterday, while at a job, the boss was there to help one of the new photographers with one of the more complicated tasks. The new photographer felt that she was being pressed to go faster than her standards would allow. I told her afterwards that speed comes with time, there are some things you can't account for, and it wasn't necessary to push her that hard.

Our other new photographer is a 'perfectionist' and she takes so very much time getting every hair and every position and every expression, but she struggles to put up her equipment every time and if there's a problem she shuts down and can't think of a solution.

I have to be able to set up quickly so that I can make sure she has an extra hand to help her with issues. I have to photograph quickly to make sure that if she needs help I'm available.

And her photos are not really that much better. I'm often coaching her on cropping, on posture.

Slow does not equate perfection. Every person I've met that calls themselves a perfectionist is a perfectionist until it comes to the actual job.

She wants me to do class groups. Every time she trains me on class groups, there is some reason that I have to hop onto a solo unit. The first time it was because one of our photographers, another perfectionist, was taking too long and it created a bottleneck. Last time, it was because our other photographer went into labor and the remaining photographer was slower than hell.

So I'm learning that my speed and ease is an asset in these situations, but in situations where speed is not an asset then I should slow down- which experience tells me that if you slow down you're not guaranteed to do better.

Earlier in the week, I was showing one of the new girls how to do a dance backdrop setup. I had her look over my shoulder while I did the white balance and then exposure. I had shown her how to do it on a previous day and this was just reinforcement. Its also something that we do literally on every job, just in a different context- she should understand the concept and I gave her the option to raise any questions.

The boss told me that if I'm training someone how to do something I should show them how to do it, then mess up the settings on purpose for them, and then have them fix it. We were running behind schedule and I had actually been on schedule to leave like two hours prior but chose to stay so that we could work on this project together. I was not intending on training anyone.

She asks me why I don't want to become a trainer.

Its not usually like this. Usually, I can coast a little. But I'm filling the shoes of a couple people that had to sit this season out and now she's busting my chops to be perfect when 'perfect' was never my goal.

I dunno.

Its exhausting.

[littleplasticrat]

Writer Interview Tag

I'm grateful to have been tagged by @tellmeallaboutit, @my-favourite-zhent and @beesht. Sorry it took so long for me to get around to. Honestly I am blown away that anyone would put me in a 'writer' bucket with the other word crabs

Tellmeallaboutit's interview

My-favourite-zhent's interview

Beesht's interview

My answers below the cut for some NSFW discussion

When did you start writing?

The most recent bout of writing started in December 2023 and was prompted by being insatiably horny for Gortash. This is the first time I've written fanfiction.

I wrote a short novel from 2012-2013 and would put that in the fantasy YA category about a magician who falls in love with a phoenix.

As a kid, I wrote a lot, up until around the age of 16 or so when I realised that I didn't want to live the life of a struggling artist and so set my sights on getting work with more consistent pay than writing books.

I actually do quite a lot of writing for my current job. It's industry-specific instructional writing but I feel that some of the meta-skills are applicable between the two genres.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I really only read horror short fiction recreationally, and I've only written one horror story - which I found super challenging and wouldn't really want to tackle again. Luckily, I'm able to excise the horrors by running TTRPG games and thus don't have to deal with the difficult challenge of making something sound scary.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I haven't been compared to any writers - I simply haven't written enough stuff that isn't solid filth XD

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Up until I moved house last week, I had a dedicated home office with a large drawing tablet and my mother's boarding school desk from the 1960s. Until I can get an office set up in the guest bedroom of the new house (I'm in no rush), I'm on my laptop at the dining table downstairs or a local cafe.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I try to preach that a hobby should be treated like self-care and so not be a source of stress, but I have the heart of a procrastinator and the bones of a perfectionist; if I waited for the muse to strike me with creative stuff, I wouldn't get anything done.

So, if I'm feeling wigged out about life, I'm not going to force anything, but otherwise I have a 'smash it out' approach of breaking down the work as much as possible and going from there. Any writing I do therefore starts life as a series of bullet points of what exactly I want to happen and in what order, and I build out methodically from there.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

The thrill of fancying someone a lot? Horniness? Butt stuff? LOL

What is your reason for writing?

I want to be the freak I want to see in the world.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Any comment I get is like JAZZ HANDS. Seriously! It's so flattering to have someone slow down and look at my stuff, let alone acknowledge it.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I once read a shitty horror novel where the villain was able to destroy the protagonist's life, because she'd read all his books and so knew him. That rattled me so hard! There's no way I'm skillful enough to develop an authorial voice that isn't my own. So, like, don't think about what my disgusting fanfics say about who I am as a person please [jk]

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I'd say the action is pretty clear, and I can crack a joke at the right time. What more could a reader ask for?

How do you feel about your own writing?

I would like there to be more of it but my art will take priority for now <3

I think most people I know write on here have already been tagged several times, so I shall not tag further.

[cringetownusa]

Hiiii I recently found out about the Yax ship after stumbling upon your story "the differences we share" (it was among the bookmarks of another ao3 user). I clicked on it out of curiosity because I loved both animaniacs and the goofy movies as a kid and OH. MY. GOD. it opened a new world to me. I went to read all of your other fanfictions after that and I loved all of them and by searching for fanarts on tumblr I recognized your username! Aside from complimenting you, I wanted to ask you 2 things. First, do you recommend watching the animaniacs reboot? I didn't when it first came out and I've heard mixed opinions on it. Second, do you maybe have any yax fic recs? I'd like to get into the ship even more and I'm not a fan of the sort by kudos system.

Thank you SO much!!!!! you're so sweet!!!!! And you read through everything??? my goodness do i feel flattered With the reboot, I have mixed feelings on it. It gave me so much, it revived my love for the warners and brought me to where I am There's a lot of moments I adore, some very sweet things that make me smile and you can feel the love between the siblings. It also has really fun music, and one pinky and the brain skit has one of my all time favorite jokes! Overall, I think it's worth the watch, and you don't have to see the og series to enjoy it! That being said, the warners' relationship is regularly done (in my opinion) out of character. They always teased each other and were sometimes butts, but that's how siblings are. In the reboot however, there are some jokes that I feel are on the less kind side, which can be jarring if you know how much they love each other and show it in the og show. All that aside, the tldr is that, yes! I recommend it! To the fic reccs! The Wrong Foot: this is a royalty au by Sokkas_First_Fangirl, and it's the fic that's had the biggest influence on my love for the ship! It also lightly inspired A Royal Ruse Soul-Searching: by Mikaroronoa. A soulmate au where the WB and Disney cast work on a show together while Yakko x Max grapple with the fact they're soulmates, and there has never been soulmates from different companies before. I really love this one a lot and it's been so exciting to see it update, I've had notifications on for it for a while! The Promposal: Another by Sokkas_First_Fangirl, a oneshot about Max stressing over asking Yakko to prom. The Ghost in the Ballroom: by EepsMcGee721. A oneshot where Yakko is a ghost in vampire Max's castle. They play piano and dance together. Can I touch your tail: by LavanderMix. Max has a soft fluffy tail and Yakko wants to pet it. (I am a Max Has A Tail Truther) Yakko's Secret: by cosmic_idiot1, this one is about the boys sneaking out to spend time with each other at night since they're from different companies. These are all so good, and there's so many other wonderful fics, like 200+ but these are some of my favs!

[satans-helper]

Touch Me & You'll Never Be Alone - Part I

No matter how much heartbreak the Kiszkas go through, there’s one person who is always there for them, who’s never going to leave.

Part I - Lights Down Low

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Josh Kiszka

Word Count: ~4k

Warnings: SLASH (don't like it, don't read it!), non-penetrative sex, handjobs, fluff, lots of spooning + cuddling. 18+ ONLY.

A/N: I can't believe this is the first Danny x Josh fic I've ever written. This idea of the 3-part series came to me suddenly and this one just poured out of me. Also, no, I am not at all rooting for any of the boys to have an IRL breakup LOL. But I do like playing up Danny in his Slut Era in fanfiction. I hope you enjoy ;)

---

Despite Josh usually feeling distinctly like a true older brother to Danny, there were times here and there that he didn’t. Danny thought it was just because Josh was naturally flirtatious–not even overtly, not in a seductive way even, but because he was so open and free and one of the most physical people he’d ever known. Sometimes the hugs went a little long; sometimes the brief touches were strong on Danny’s skin; sometimes the look in Josh’s eyes bordered on mischief, sometimes on what Danny could only describe to himself as desire. It always sent him into a bit of a tizzy when that happened, made him trip over his words when the time came to speak, or stumble, suddenly losing all grace and decorum. 

The first time he’d caught one of Josh’s not-so-brotherly looks was just before their second album was released. Danny could remember clearly within the context of that time–the sudden distress of a global pandemic, the distance, the struggle it had been to record, the change of management, the stress on all of their relationships within the band and beyond. So many changes between Anthem and now, he thought as he brushed his teeth in front of the hotel mirror, that he sometimes wasn’t sure how they’d even made it through. But now here they were, doing well enough to each get their own hotel rooms after producing a third full album and beginning another tour. 

After spitting and rinsing, he looked at himself, proud to think that he liked what he saw. A lot, actually. And it wasn’t just because so many of the fans thought he was hot–he’d seen the changes in himself, both unintentional and intentional, and felt like he’d grown into being the fiery (quite literally these days), solid beast of a drummer, the backbone and also the heartbeat of the band. So, in a way, he stopped being surprised when Josh would touch him for too long or look at him in that curious, wanting way; it was flattering. Danny embraced quiet praise more than vocal praise even to this day. 

The excitement of the tour seemed to be fizzing through all of them continually even despite the personal setbacks. Josh especially was dealing with a lot–a breakup that had seemed sudden to Danny until he heard more about the intricacies and drawn out hurdles, things he’d missed because Josh was so good at being private when he wanted to be. It had taken them all by surprise, really, and Danny felt for him. His own breakup had been difficult and he’d seen it coming from a mile away. But with Josh’s breakup, there had been a moment–or really, a long string of minutes suspended between them that felt like both an eternity and a second–when his older brother nature completely disappeared and he just wasn't. 

And secretly, Danny had been wanting something like that to happen again. So when a knock came upon his hotel room door and he opened it to see Josh standing there, barefoot and in slouchy, soft pajamas, his heart did a little flip. 

“I’m not tired,” Josh announced, taking it upon himself to breeze right past Danny and enter his space. There was that big brother energy, Danny thought, but it was still an unusual gift. Josh answered his silent question by saying, “Jake’s passed out and Sam is having a mutual masturbation session with his girlfriend.”

Danny snorted, shut the door. “Seriously?”

Josh laughed, plopping himself down on the foot of the bed. “I’m not entirely sure, but something along those lines, I imagine.” 

“Well,” Danny began, suddenly feeling sheepish. He and Josh had never talked about what happened before, right after the breakup–and while it wasn’t exactly fresh, it wasn’t exactly buried either. But Josh didn’t talk about things that didn’t need to be discussed–Danny knew that and decided to trust it. 

Josh looked up at him, that impish mischief twinkling in his dark eyes. “Don’t tell me you were going to bed already, Daniel.”

“I was only preparing,” Danny defended, still standing, not sure of what to do with himself, so he asked, noting once again that Josh was in PJs and clearly not ready to go out out, “What do you wanna do?”

Josh crawled up the bed and put himself right against the pillows, curling his legs up so he was nestled into the white pillows and propped up against the headboard. Danny could have laughed; he also could have choked, and a strange, strangled sound that was a bit like both came out at what he was witnessing. Thankfully, Josh didn’t seem to notice as he was making himself right at home. He just patted the space next to himself and said, “We could watch a movie.” 

With no other choice really, and not exactly wanting one anyway, Danny stepped through the low light, the soft golden glow from the bedside lamp and the slant of white light from the mostly-shut bathroom door. He got next to Josh but stayed on top of the blankets, hesitant. Wanting, but still hesitant. Josh had been pretty tipsy the last–and first–time they’d strayed out of “sibling” territory; he was sober now, Danny noted, but perhaps still vulnerable if Josh was coming to his room. If he really wanted to, Josh would wake Jake up or force Sam off the phone call or whatever. But then Danny remembered something Josh had said during that feverish, frenzied, raw time between the two of them. 

“You're always there,” Josh had said while his hands moved underneath Danny’s shirt, nimble fingers spreading over Danny’s abdomen and then further up to his chest. “You ground people, Danny. We'd be damn lost without you.”

At the time, Danny hadn’t registered how profound those words now sounded in his mind as he replayed them. Now, lounging next to Josh, he felt a swell of pride in his chest. 

He grabbed the remote. “I don’t even know what channels are on here. Is there Pay-Per-View or something? Is that still a thing?”

Josh chuckled. “Netflix exists, you know.”

“Oh.” Danny didn’t watch much TV when they were at hotels. He was surprised Josh was even privy to this information. 

“Oh boy,” Josh said with a small sigh, and Danny saw an amused little smile on his face as he reached across him with his whole body, extending his arm to find Danny’s phone on the other side of the bed. “Let me do it.” 

Danny let him take it, watched as Josh opened the app and connected it to the TV. “Been watching a lot of movies on your own lately?” he questioned, digging without really intending to dig, but the speculation was confirmed by Josh’s answer.

“Since I became single again,” he said, stealing the remote from Danny. “Sometimes film really is cathartic.” 

Sure, Danny thought, Josh was always passionate about film. It was just that some of that had taken a backseat since they’d blown up. A little chord of sadness was struck in his heart as he thought about Josh being unusually reclusive, relying on movies to get him through the dark times. Of course he’d also relied on Jake and Sam and, sure enough, Danny too, to get him through it all as well, but maybe Danny hadn’t realized how deeply Josh was still hurting.

“How’re you doing with that?” he asked as Josh flipped through the seemingly endless number of titles in the app. 

Josh glanced up at him, looking angelic in the dimness of the room, sharp cheekbones, sharp jaw but soft, gentle eyes and those pretty, full lips that Danny could remember feeling against his own. He expected more vulnerability, a broach to an open dialogue that would be both intimidating and curious, but Josh grinned and said, “Better with good company, my good man.” 

Danny chuckled. “Oh, good.” 

Josh finally settled on not a movie but a nature documentary, but Danny couldn’t focus much on the brilliant colors on the screen; he was fixated on the warm weight of Josh so close to him, almost touching, and the fresh, green scent of his damp hair and clean body. It didn’t take long for Josh to inch closer and closer until his head was on Danny’s shoulder and his hand was on Danny’s thigh–at that point, Danny was holding his breath, body stiff, totally unsure of how to play this out despite knowing what he wanted. He didn’t mind being a rebound of sorts, if that’s what this was, he just didn’t know if that’s what Josh wanted.

He decided he was just going to do his best to relax and go with the flow–he was good at that. He could do it, even if he did just want to haul Josh on top of himself and swallow him whole. Danny had never realized how strong his own attraction was to him until Josh had made that first move weeks ago–since then, he’d wanted more. Josh’s charisma had finally enticed him in a way well beyond just being friends and, yes, of course, brothers from other mothers. 

Josh was so quiet that Danny wondered if he’d actually just drifted to sleep, but then he felt the wandering hand on his thigh move up just a bit, the slight pressure making his skin tingle beneath his shorts. He stayed still; Josh reached for Danny’s left hand and took it, wrapping that strong arm around his waist, forcing Danny to hold him closer. And Danny knew Josh needed physical touch, that closeness, that most intimate intimacy–it was just who he was. So Danny wasn’t entirely a stranger to the occasional cuddle-fest, but this was the first one since their past encounter and the first time Josh’s hand had ever found itself so close to his crotch. He was willing himself to just leave at this and enjoy the close contact until Josh’s fingers tread along his waistband. 

“Josh,” Danny said, swallowing hard to prevent the annoying sound of him clearing his throat–he was finding it challenging to speak. “What do you want right now?” His voice was soft enough to make the question sound more gentle than it could have, thankfully, and it was truly all he wanted to know. 

Josh didn’t even hesitate. “I want you to touch me,” he said, turning on his side so Danny had to look at his face again, into the glittering bronze irises behind dark, long lashes. “I want to touch you.” 

There were questions that bubbled to the surface of Danny’s mind–Are you sure? What happened last time? Are you okay? Is this really what you want? But Josh always led with both his heart and mind–Danny told himself in the brief second he had before Josh hooked one small, muscular leg over his, that he wasn’t going to worry because he didn’t need to worry. So he grabbed that leg and pulled Josh closer, his arm around that lithe little waist hugging him tight against his torso; Danny saw a quick glimpse of a smile on Josh’s rosy lips before they were touching his own and then he was lost in the feeling, thoughts gone. 

It proved quickly to be a different experience to touch and kiss Josh while they were both sober. Josh’s kisses were a little slower, a little softer, and Danny matched the pace and pressure; Josh’s hands still felt all over Danny’s body, moving from thighs to stomach to chest and back down and all around, but there was less urgency and more exploration. Curiosity that Danny also felt, and he mirrored some of the touches against Josh’s back, feeling the muscle of his shoulders and the slight dip right above his ass. Josh made a little noise against Danny’s mouth when he touched there, lips parting wider, and Danny was happy to welcome the first touch of Josh’s tongue against his own while he dared to bring his hand lower. Maybe he could elicit another noise like that if he just–

Josh moaned, sweet and sinful, when Danny outright grabbed his ass, squeezing one cheek with more force than even he’d expected. He brought his lips to Josh’s jaw, taking a breath before he asked, “Like that?”

“Mhmm,” Josh answered, nodding. He started to grind himself against Danny’s thigh, making his hard-on known, and even though Danny had quite a clear idea of what Josh was packing thanks to those jumpsuits and the brief hold he’d had on him through their clothes last time, the heat, weight and size of what was pressed against his leg was still a little intimidating. More intimidating was the fact that Danny’s only other experience came from Josh’s brothers, something he was pretty sure Josh was still entirely unaware of.

Danny bit his own lip when Josh managed to get a hand down his shorts. He was hard too, which Josh seemed exceptionally pleased with–he pulled back, grinning, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. “Ooh, Danny,” he purred, glancing down as if he could actually see what he was grabbing through Danny’s shorts. “Why haven’t I seen this before?” 

“I’m pretty sure you have,” Danny said, remembering that time he and Sam were wasted and decided to skinny dip, leaving Josh and Jake behind because the lake was “too cold.” Not to mention the countless showers and other hotel rooms. Surely Josh had sneaked peeks before.

“I wanna see it again,” Josh told him, tugging on the waistband while pushing Danny’s shirt up at the same time enough to reveal that famed happy trail and a slight strip of pubic hair. “Do you wanna see me too?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” Danny said, dizzy and hot but managing to grab the hem of Josh’s shirt. Josh’s grasp on him left to finish the job, tugging his shirt over his head, and Danny’s hands flew to the firm, warm chest, grabbing Josh under his arms. He pulled him on top and then Josh flew into action, writhing on top of him, humping Danny hard while he attacked his mouth. 

While Josh’s teeth found Danny’s bottom lip, his hands found the pesky t-shirt again and they broke apart for him to tear it away from Danny’s body; Danny shivered both from the sudden blast of the a/c and Josh’s hands running up his sides, one landing on the side of his neck, fingers brushing through his hair. When the desperate, fast movements of Josh’s hands sliding down between them, pawing at his shorts to urge Danny to get them off, he couldn’t even comprehend the feeling of gratitude and confidence that was coming to life inside of him. Even more when Josh, slithering down his body, eyes gazing over every exposed inch of him, looked up and said, “God, you are so gorgeous.” 

Sure, Danny had gained so much confidence over the years, but hearing that from Josh was a different story, even if Josh was always generous with his compliments. But now those words were dripping with sensuality and desire, the slow, low delivery of them lingering in Danny’s ears. He couldn’t reply when Josh got both of them completely naked and climbed back on top, hands clasping the sides of Danny’s face, kissing him deep and slow. 

And Danny knew what he was doing in bed most of the time, and Josh had told him what he wanted–for Danny to touch him. So his own hands moved languidly around Josh’s body, stroking his arms, gliding over his back around to his abdomen, around again to squeeze his ass again and bring them closer, their erections finally making contact. Josh moaned again, smothered by Danny’s lips and then his tongue slipping into his mouth, and Danny reciprocated, a rumble deep in chest just barely audible. He couldn’t hear the TV anymore and wondered when Josh had managed to mute it, but the flicker of blue and green glow flashed beyond his closed eyes; when he opened them, catching some air, Josh was cast in it, a halo of cool light around his messy curls. 

“How do you wanna–?” Danny asked, sensing this pause was building up to something more. Josh rolled off him and onto his side, facing away, and grabbed Danny’s hand again to rope him over; Danny followed dutifully, now able to sense more of what Josh wanted. He hooked his leg over Josh’s and his arm over his chest, pressing his own chest to Josh’s back, his nose in that damp hair. Josh reached back to grab Danny’s hair in turn while he brought Danny’s hand down to his cock. 

“Jesus Christ,” Danny said softly, really just to himself while he was caught in a daze, fighting to follow purely instinct and not give way to any trepidation. Consequences could come later. But if Jake and Sam were any indicator, he actually felt like the chance of there being none was good. He knew his place in the entire band now. So would Josh like what his brothers like? He tested the waters, cupping and lightly squeezing Josh’s balls; Josh squealed and Danny stopped, thinking that no, he absolutely did not like that, but then Josh wiggled back against him and asked him to do it again. 

“Tell me what you like,” Danny requested, thinking that Josh actually using his words would be more interesting than just mimicking what he’d done with others. 

“That. I like that,” Josh told him, tugging on Danny’s hair, arching his back when Danny repeated the action. “You’ve got big hands, Danny–use them.”

Danny groaned. He rubbed his own hard cock against Josh’s ass as he began to stroke him, his, yes, big and undoubtedly skilled hand wrapped around Josh, who was starting to leak precum into his palm. Danny used that–he rubbed his palm over Josh’s slit and fisted the wetness around him and the sound Josh made assured Danny that he was grateful for the lubrication. Danny brought his chin to Josh’s shoulder, turned his head to nibble at his ear and down his neck, slight bites turning into wet kisses. 

As vocal as ever, Josh was freely letting whines, moans and the occasional pleas and praise slip from his mouth, and Danny was trembling behind and around him. He was finding it increasingly difficult to stay where he was, just spooning and just jerking him off, but if this is what Josh wanted, so be it–he didn’t doubt he was going to bust his own load soon enough with the friction he was creating by his own grind and Josh’s constant movement. With the other hand that had been resting on Josh’s chest, locking them together, he tilted Josh’s face to his and angled himself right enough to kiss him again; Josh tugged even harder at Danny’s hair, making his scalp sting but it only fueled the fire within to the point that he had to warn Josh of his impending combustion. The closeness, the shared sweat and heat, the novelty of being tangled up with Josh was such a delirious turn-on. Danny had no idea how he was going to navigate this after the fact, but that warning thought quickly disappeared as Josh’s teeth dug into his lip and his cock twitched and leaked in Danny’s hand. 

There was absolutely no warning when Josh abruptly shoved him backwards. Danny blinked, vision blurry with the still-flashing TV screen before Josh’s form shielded it; he got on top yet again, strong thighs clamped around Danny’s hips. Danny grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down while Josh tried to stroke both of their cocks together, but Danny had to take over, his bigger hands coming to the rescue. Josh shuddered and spared Danny’s swollen lips, navigating his own kisses to his flushed neck; Danny stroked and groped his ass again while Josh rode his thighs, teeth grazing his skin, tongue flicking out to soothe the bites.

“Fuck,” was all Danny could manage to say when he felt himself getting closer and closer, overwhelmed in the best way possible. He’d certainly imagine sex with Josh in the past few weeks but his imagination hadn’t been skilled enough to truly embody what it felt like. 

“Yeah, Danny, that’s good,” Josh rasped out, hands gripping his shoulders until one came to grab his jaw, forcing Danny to look right at him. When Danny did, brow furrowed, throat tight while so close to the edge, Josh stared into his eyes and bit down on his own bottom lip until the rest of his face unraveled into an expression of orgasm that Danny definitely couldn’t picture in his imagination no matter how similar that face looked to Josh’s stage performances.

Danny looked down at the pearly streaks painted between his fingers and on his belly, stark white against his tan and black hair. The release didn’t stop Josh from grinding harder and taking Danny’s erection in his own hand, but his return to kisses was sloppy and extra wet. Saliva dripped from his mouth to Danny’s and down both of their chins and that alone made Danny’s impending release surge forward, a tight coil in his stomach turning tighter before he suddenly snapped and dug his fingers into Josh’s back, spilling between them. 

And when he opened his eyes, breathing hard, Josh was smiling down at him. “Do you always come that much?”

Danny looked down at himself again. “Uh–hm. I guess so?” He just couldn’t think right now. His heart was a drum of its own in his chest while his head felt light and airy, mind lacking the ability to process what had just happened. 

Josh got off him and onto his side once more, this time remaining facing him, gazing up at him with his hands tucked beneath the side of his head. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to kick me out now, Daniel.” He sighed dramatically. “I have a fragile heart.”

“And that’s why you came here?” Danny asked, settling down next to him though he did really want to zip into the bathroom to clean himself off. That could wait, he supposed, because maybe Josh was actually opening up here. 

“I didn’t come here with the intention of sex,” Josh said, his eyes earnest, solidifying truth in the words. “I wouldn’t use you like that. Unless you feel like I did?”

Danny smiled a little. “No. I’m actually kind of grown up now, in case you’ve forgotten. I would say ‘no’ if I didn’t want to.” 

“So you wanted to?”

“Sure. Why not?” 

Josh paused, eyes searching Danny’s face, then he asked, “So you’re alright with what happened before? Right after the breakup?” 

“Of course. I–I mean, I was hoping something would happen again,” Danny confessed, finding himself lulled by his post-orgasm haze and Josh’s sweet, serene face. “I think I’m just a little surprised it did.”

Josh cuddled up against him, pressing his face against his chest while Danny draped his arms over his back. “You’re very comforting, you know. You didn’t even have to say much to make me feel better,” he said, and warmth bloomed in Danny’s chest at the words. “Just you being there helped–and does help–so much.” Josh looked up, peeking through curls that had fallen into his face. “And you have the best hugs of anyone I know.”

“Well, I’ll keep hugging you until you’re all healed up,” Danny assured him, completely meaning it. 

“I love that. I love you.” Josh brought his head back down and Danny felt the butterfly kisses of eyelashes fluttering against his chest. “Just don’t tell Jake and Sam. I fear they’ll be too jealous to handle it.”

Danny laughed. “Jealous? What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, Daniel,” Josh said, words muffled. “You think Sam’s ever kept his mouth shut about you two? You think I can’t pull a secret out of Jake?” 

“Oh shit,” Danny said, and Josh giggled. “Are you serious? You knew?” 

Josh’s cackle tickled Danny’s skin. “Okay, I didn’t know details, but now I think I can fill in the blanks.”

“Damn.” Danny felt utterly screwed, but he wasn’t sure why–apparently everything was fine. Apparently the Kiszkas were perfectly content to share as much as he was. 

“You belong to us,” Josh said, and Danny’s heart flipped again. “As much as we belong to you.”

---

Tagging: no one (RIP the 2018-2021 fandom lmao). If you ever wanna be tagged in my fics, let me know <3

[joels-shitty-puns]

Hi everyone! I've been thinking a lot lately and I think I may need to take a break from your requests. 

When I first received requests, I was so flattered and surprised, because not only did people read my writing, but they liked it enough to ask me to write their ideas down. Of all the writers on this app, they asked me. I still feel so flattered, but I'm also a bit overwhelmed. I currently have four requests pending, one of which was an entire series, and I hate saying no to people, but I feel stressed. As I was writing the last chapter, I really just felt like it wasn't my best work.

My mental health hasn't been great lately, and between the holidays, my job, and my busy life, I feel terrible that I'm taking so long writing, but I've also been neglecting my own writing ideas in order to try and meet this internal due date in my head of filling requests. I originally started writing as a way to get my feelings out and just posted it as a fun way to share and maybe see if others felt the same. I have so many works of my own planned, and it seems like I'm constantly worrying at any given time about how to write something. When I'm home, I spend all my time stressing over writing and feel bad when I can't. I don't want to let anyone down, and I already have a few of them written and will likely post, but as it is now, I feel myself starting to lose the joy of it and becoming burnt out.

I will post what I have and plan to keep your unanswered asks in my inbox, but I don't know when, or if, I will return to them. Again, I am so appreciative of you for reading my fics at all, and doing this feels awful, but I think it's what I need to do.

I hate telling people no and want to make people happy, but I hope you all can understand.

[pbandjesse]

It's hard to admit this because I had been social war that I was going to be able to sleep over this year but I hate this. I hate it. I don't want to sleep here I don't want to be here. I want to do my job and go because besides CJ I have no friends here. I have co-workers who are nice to me but I do not have friends. I don't have anyone to hang out with. And I just feel very very alone and miserable. I'm not having a good time. I'm not particularly having a very good summer. And it sucks. So when I go home I'm actually able to have fun and do things and hang out with my husband and eat food that I like and take actual showers. And I promised CJ I would stay here tonight because I wanted to hang out with her and it is almost 9:00 p.m. and she's been busy basically since I was done at 3:30. And that's not her fault but I've been alone for 6 hours basically. And I'm just really unhappy. I like having a cabin so I can come and rest during the daytime. I like knowing that I have a spot where are my things are. But I don't want to feel like I'm forced to stay here and I just have to be honest about that because I'm almost in tears again I'm so unhappy. And at this point it feels like it's too late to go home because I would just be going home and going right to bed and that feels pointless too. Like yes I would get to see James for a few minutes but they go to bed by 10:00 so it doesn't even feel like it would fix any of the problems that I'm having tonight.

It wasn't even a bad day. The temperature was really nice. I did not like my outfit. I felt uncomfortable in my tank top. So I wore a hoodie for most of the day which was fine. I actually got some compliments on it. And I didn't sleep amazing which probably is adding to my stress in my brain. But I got up and James was there and I tried to be in a good mood even though it was hard.

We got ready to go and we went outside together. James helped me carry a few things and I had a nice drive into work. Me and James both arrived at work at the same time which I always love. And I got set up and I felt like things were okay. I would hang out my hammock for a while. I decided to go in one of the other hammocks for some change of scenery and I ended up feeling super comfortable so I think I'm going to be hanging out in the new hammock more often. You lay in it and it's a little flatter which is nice and a nice change of pace.

My group study were All excellent. We had lots of really cute bears and everybody got done and it just felt like we were having a really productive day. I am really running low on the medium and large bears so I would have one of my tipis girls later on the day organize them into size so tomorrow I'm hoping it's a little more quick and we can use up more stock so I don't have to cut anything else. And I enjoyed hanging out with the kids. It's still hard because I'm not really talking to any counselors. And I was just trying to have a good day.

Some of that good day was just not going to lunch. Just not going to the meal at all. And apparently the kitchen stuff has noticed. What dinner they were very surprised that I had shown up and they were like we didn't think we'd ever see you. You've been all over the place and I'm like yeah I know I've just been so busy and I've been going home. But for lunch today I would go to the office and eat the nachos that I brought. Actually only ate half of them so I could have them again tomorrow if I wanted to. The cheese sauce that I got was fine but I don't think I would buy this particular brand again.

I did not get to be a alone as long as I had hoped because Kenny and Louisa were in the office and Kenny had gotten hurt at the pool and had to go get a staple in the back of his head. He had been in the shallow end and a tile fell off the pool and hit him in the head? I don't really understand how that happened. But I gave them both a chip and they told me all about the injury and eventually I would head up to arts and crafts to just chill by myself there. I never made it to the cabin during lunch today I just decided I did not want to lay down and I didn't feel like I had enough time to anyway.

The afternoon was great. Day Camp was lovely. I did scare one of the counselors because their kids were not listening when it was time to clean up and I had to actually yell and I had never yelled in front of this counselor before and he fully jumped. He was like that was really scary. And I'm like yeah I don't yell so I save it up for when it is an actual needed situation. And your kids were not listening. And I'm glad that I can be listened to without yelling and I'm glad that when I have to pull it out it is taken seriously.

We had a good time though and everybody got to sew and I did remember to bring the cotton so we were able to refill the sacrificial sheep from yesterday and I showed some of the girls how you do a ladder stitch to close them up. And I was having a positive day. I was not miserable and I was chill and things were okay.

My kids doing awards would come to do more chores and I was like yeah that's fine fully expecting that their counselors will come back for them at 3:30 because that is when my last program ends. But they didn't. Stockade was there from 2:30 to 3:30 and we had a great time doing necklace stuff and then they were doing this game where they rate just random things from 1 to 10. Ginger ale is apparently at 2:00 for some of them and styles of art is a six. It was very strange to listen to a group of teenage boys for an hour. And the girls were just aghast at the level of conversation. They were like this is stupid why are you talking about this. And I'm like they're not hurting anybody. Let them live their lives.

But The girls would stay and they would work on their awards and their paintings and their projects and I was over in the hammock. Cuz I was basically only a little bit responsible for them but I still couldn't go anywhere. So I text their counselor. When are you coming for them. No response.

And then two girls from the SSC came to do their camp award project and I was like yeah that's chill you just got to work on it for at least a half hour so they started working on that and that would make them done around 4:30 which was perfect because CJ called me and told me that they should head to the barn at 4:30 for their project stuff. And I was like that's chill so then I was like okay tipis will get picked up at 4:30. Because Slim was coming to do a performance.

Nope that did not happen. I sent 7 text messages between CJ and the two counselors and no one was answering me. And I'm not going to walk all the way over to the council ring to see if the teepee counselors were there and I'm just like this is ridiculous and then I see one of the counselors walk across the field and I'm not going to chase them you need to come up and get your kids. And they weren't. Finally at 5:35 after taking the girls to the bathroom twice their counselor finally came back. And they were like come on let's go and didn't say anything to me. And then one of them would message me on Instagram and apologize but apparently the girls told them to come and get them after Slim and I'm like why would you trust them. Why would you not confirm with me. What if I would need to leave and also I had things I wanted to do I wanted to go take a shower I wanted to come down to the cabin but no instead I was just sitting with your kids for multiple hours and that sucks. That's not fair to me.

So I was not in a great mood. Once they were gone I would go to the lodge and I would tell Callie how I was feeling and she validated my concerns but she was really busy so I went and talked to the kitchen staff and that's when they were like oh my God where have you been. And we talked about my trip next week and how I won't be there and then I had pasta salad and potatoes for dinner. I sat outside and Aaron came out because his little brother was there with hognose snake that he just bought. Which I thought Heather said we were not allowed to have. So I'm pretty surprised about that. But it's cute. So I hope that he actually got permission because my understanding was that that was not allowed. But whatever not my circus not my monkeys.

I would go to the office next with Louisa. She had been sitting with me outside and she was like let's go work on stuff and I was like okay so we go over to the art building and we painted some of the wooden spoons for next week's project and I made a note for whoever ends up subbing for it and around 7:00 we went back down to the office because there was going to become ice tonight and if everything else sucked at least I would have that.

We had to wait for a while and during that time we were just kind of chilling and talking. Talk to alexie for a little bit talked to a couple people that came through and everyone's like you're here!? And I think it's funny because like usually I'm very involved but I just can't this year I just don't want to be here. It's not that I'm unhappy at camp. I usually love so many things about camp. But the Sears just been so hard. I just would like to feel like I'm not trapped. And I'm hoping after my vacation next week I can just have a good time the last few weeks of camp and not feel so sad. I really hope that I can pull that off because this is been tough.

Going to ice would have come now and I got sour berry something. Which was really good. But it did make my mouth blue which I don't like. But Louisa did share one of her special cups with me so that was cool and I would sit outside and watch all the other kids get their flavors and I got to hear about the mixes they make and everyone was having a good time. OB, the mini horse, got a haircut and they brought him down because he was going to be in the talent show tonight. And everyone kept asking me if I was going to the skip night/talent show because apparently someone is doing an impression of me. But I am just so absolutely not interested in doing that. I do not like skit night It always goes way too long. And the skits are fine but they should have a time limit. They are just entirely too long and no one ever talks about enough. And since I was here I have decided I should at least make the most of it and I went back to arts and crafts to continue to paint spoons.

I did that until the paint that I had mixed ran out and then I came over to our cabin. I washed my face and I put my pajamas on. I packed some stuff to take home and now the sun is going down. And the lightning bugs are coming out. And I'm going to go and lay in bed and charge my phone. Watch the rest of this true crime documentary and hopefully have a good night's sleep.

I'm really hoping tomorrow was just a really good and easy day. But all my groups are nice and the counselors are helpful and I can leave for a week knowing that everything will be okay when I come back. Because if I come back on this building and it is a disaster I'm going to be so sad.

Everybody have a great night tonight. Sleep well and take care of each other. Until next time.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

I'm sending this here because i feel very awkward saying anything of the following sort to my friends and I believe this is like a really sex positive place so I hope you don't mind!!

there's this guy I know irl and while I've known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years, I never really thought too much of him. but recently my brain has been all ooga booga around him like oh my god I cannot stop stealing glances at him!!!! and everything he does is so sexy somehow even if it's not??? for context I've not had sexual crushes on anyone till now but like I've constantly been having hella dirty thoughts every night for the past few days about pressing him up against random walls and kissing him intensely

OBVIOUSLY I don't wanna say anything to this effect to him or mutual friends and don't know if I can even say most of this to my friends, hence here I am, very confused about what to do. Do I just let it happen and then have to face him every day when the previous night i thought about making out with him while sitting in his lap??? that's mortifying ;~~;

(I'm not very stressed but like, this is unfamiliar territory so if you had any general advice that would also be appreciated, and even if not then I just needed to say this to someone so thanks for reading till now)

PS. If for Tumblr reason this goes on without anon please don't post it :')

This IS a very sex positive place, I don't mind hearing this. Not at all! You're always welcome to share.

By the way, describing your attraction to him conking you over the head as "ooga booga" is hilarious and perfect. I completely feel that. That's a great way to say it.

It do be like that, though, as someone who, more often than not, gets sexual crushes as opposed to romantic crushes... yeah. Brain just thinks Hot. I am very familiar with that, lol.

I've played both ways--thinking about it, but not acting and just being normal (whatever that is, ha) afterward, and doing something about it. Once, it actually led to hooking up (more than just a one-off, too 👀), and two other times, we kissed maybe twice, but that was it. It didn't actually go anywhere 'cause there wasn't a spark.

I don't regret not going after those people I didn't, nor do I regret going after the people I did. It's totally up to you. I mean, if you have no real impulse to do anything about it or say anything about it outside of your own mind... it can stay in your brain, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not harming him by thinking about him in the privacy of your own home. Most people have thoughts like that. Humans are humans. We're storytellers and day dreamers, and we have desires. You're allowed to have those thoughts. But if you want to chance it, you might tell your friends that you have a crush and see where that could go. Who knows? Worse case scenario, he isn't interested; best case scenario, he's flattered and reciprocates your thoughts 👀

(The unspoken option is to masturbate more and get some of that sexual frustration out of the equation, lmao.)

(No problem! Hopefully this gives you some centering, even if you're not very stressed about the situation and I didn't really give you much advice, lol, I basically just slapped you on the shoulder and said, "eyyy, me too.")

[defiantsuggestions]

....I used to know this lady, right.

Wasn't the easiest person to get along with, but like, I never saw her be malicious. Just trying to get through her day like everyone else, stuck in a horribly stressful situation.

I myself didn't have the highest opinion of her, but like, I was polite. I said hello. If she was having trouble doing something and I was able to, I would help.

Just. Basic kindness. I didn't go out of my way to be nice, but I didn't go out of my way to make her day worse, either.

One day, she comes up to me, and she tells me that she had been sick, and that it had been serious, but she'd fought it off and she was better now. She'd survived a really difficult thing, and was happy about it, and wanted to share it with someone.

And that's good. I was happy for her.

But then she said that she'd only told me, because she felt like I was the only one who would have cared. I was the only one there who would have heard that news and been happy for her.

I don't think she was entirely wrong.

It bothered me. It still bothers me. It... haunts me.

I should not be the only one who cares.

This has been a pattern. I've talked here before about how the folks who abused me were attracted by my tendency for compassion and understanding. They liked me because when they told me about their suffering, I cared. I cared quite a lot.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that I shouldn't have cared. I'm also not saying that my abusers should have other people care about them; quite frankly they deserve to rot in the little abuse bubble they made for themselves. At this point they've cause all of their own problems and that's entirely on them.

But...

But I shouldn't be the only person in a room who cares. In an entire room full of people, I should not be the only person happy to hear that someone whose only crime was that she's mildly rude didn't die from something horrible.

I'm told I'm so kindhearted, because I will stop and carry the heavy thing for someone struggling. Or I'll slow down when walking so a slower friend doesn't get left behind.

I'll pick tripping hazards up off the floor because I don't want anyone to trip on them and get hurt, and I'm told that makes me a great person.

The notion hurts me in a way that's hard to articulate.

Because again; I shouldn't be the only one who cares. Sure, I'm flattered that you think I'm great, and by all means, my confidence is so low it's a disaster, so I'm not gonna refuse the ego boost.

But what I'm doing is so basic.

Humans evolved to care about each other. We are a social species. Why am I the epitome of kind when I *checks notes* ....move a plate down to a lower shelf because I don't want it to fall on someone's head.

Why is the bar so low that being upset by death and suffering and pain of the people within your social circle is considered above and beyond?

[beingdreeyore]

It's been a while since I had a start this lazy. It's overcast outside and teasing that it might rain, so that's helping. My plans to be at the gym at 6am have been long abandoned. Instead I'm on the couch under my summer weighted blanket and staring at my big old tree. The leaves are back and despite the grey sky in the background, it's very much signalling that we're already in summer.

There's a lot happening right now... Most of it at work. My time is split between three teams. The leadership component is exhausting because we don't have the staff to cover any of the rosters and it's my job to somehow magically fill them with what we have. It's resulting in a lot of long days. The perinatal mental health doesn't interest me like I thought it would. I doubt I'll work in this area again. What has surprised me is how much I like the community work. The area I said I could never in my life do - sitting in a clinic all day - I do for two days a week and those are fast becoming the most enjoyable days. I get to know my patients properly, track their progress, work with them on medications, and have time to see them as people. It's a hard slog as we are always overbooked and there are always emergencies, but I enjoy it all the more for those things. It's rewarding. Finally. Something in this discipline finally feels rewarding.

I should be deep into my next exams but I am too exhausted to study. I need to make a decision about whether I am going to postpone them or not. I'm currently doing my research project and my yearlong therapy case, all of this on top of working for three teams and doing the most overtime I think I've ever done. Exams just don't fit. And nor does the stress-relief stuff I desperately need. I lay in bed at 4am wondering what impact all this stress is having on my body. So when I felt lazy this morning, I went with it. I need to prioritise certain aspects of my health and stop putting it off.

I got called a hothead at work the other day by one of my favourite consultants. He said it in a joking way, but I also know he meant it. And he's not wrong. I have a short temper right now because everything is so stressful and ridiculous. I have a registrar that has been writing their notes in a question and answer format. A registrar. How. How did she miss that component of training. I was tapped to train her. I did. It was fine. But when asked about it later, I was noticeably frustrated at the request and how this had also become my job. I am a hothead. And not in a flattering way. But I don't direct it at others or lash out. I just carry a lot of stress and anger right now. I'm also deeply ashamed that others see me that way. They rely on me and know I'm component, but I'm also a hothead. This is who I've become. Or is this who I always was? I don't know, but I'm horrified and so sad that it's the case.

My actual supervisor is tough. It's good for me though. I'm learning and having to face my insecurities. But I also can't fully relax in her presence. I care too much what she thinks and I worry I look like an idiot. Her standards are high and it can be a struggle to reach them. She gave me some feedback on Thursday about a certain thing - I'd missed one question in a mock OSCE, but it was a critical one. The equivalent of the cardiology registrar forgetting to ask whether someone had ever had an MI. I knew straight away that I missed it, but there was nothing that could be done. Rather than fail me though, she told me we'd do it again next week. More stress. It was fair of her and I will learn from this lesson, but its even more stress... To miss something so fundamental shows how anxious I get in her presence. My fear that she will think I'm an idiot is making me look like an idiot.

There's a lot happening, but the assessments I never thought I'd even start at slowly being chipped away at. I'm still here and managing okay, if sometimes like a hothead. I danced this week and it was the best escape. I miss having someone to debrief with about anything and everything, but I'm doing okay, as I always do. I'm taking today though to just settle and breathe. To slow down. At least that's the goal. I wonder how many hours it will be until I cave and open a textbook...

Anyway. Life is just a bit stressful, but then again, when isn't it?

S x

[alltimefail-sims]

I dont want to sound rude but I wish youd stick to 1 project. I followed months ago and u seem to work on a lot of different things

This ask is over three weeks old; sorry to the sender that I've just gotten around to answering it.

First and foremost: I'm going to spin this a positive way and say thank you for being interested enough in one of my projects to follow me and inquire about my posting timeline. There are a handful of stories on simblr that I read and personally adore, so it's flattering.

With that being said, this is my hobby. I think of myself as a storyteller first, and I hope everyone who follows me can enjoy and value that enough to look past little editing errors and random (or slow) rollouts. It's kind of crazy to even be getting an ask like this because I do have a good amount of followers (thank you if you follow me, that's awesome), but there are MANY blogs that have a way larger following than me and I cringe when I think of one of them receiving a message like this. Good content takes time. If we're being honest, even subpar content takes time honestly lmao. I think everyone on here is sharing their sims and their stories for the love of it, for a creative outlet/stress relief, and/or for community engagement. Adding a timeline to something like that feels kind of unnecessary, imo. Plus, with the new pack coming and the infant update, I've been wary to go into any of my important saves. I can't afford to lose anything or have anything corrupted, and I'm not going to dive into anything when I know the game is about to undergo a massive amount of updates (and I'm going to have to wait on lots of mod and cc batch fixes most likely anyway).

Since we have opened this dialogue, in the spirit of honesty I want to add that this does kind of sound rude. We both know someone would never ask this off anon. It's just a peculiar demand to make of someone you don't know, and that's probably why you chose to approach this topic with anonymity, right?

Although, I will admit this ask poses a fair assessment: I absolutely do work on other things, whatever I feel like working on in the moment! I get new ideas every day. I'm sure I am not the only blog operating this way? When I really care about something though (like my Strangerville story, for example) I am extra meticulous about it. I'm not going to put out a story I love and am proud of in a half-assed way. I have a lot of learning, world building, and writing to do before that's even remotely ready to roll out. But I am doing my best, and I've shared details throughout the process because I'm excited about it. On the other hand, there are some projects I might try out but they just don't work. For instance, I hated doing the Bachelorette Challenge. It was extremely boring to me, and as much as I LOVE when other people do them, nothing exciting was coming of mine. I feel bad about that a little because I got some wonderful submissions, but this is my blog and I'm going to give myself permission (as everyone should) to only do what brings me joy or what I feel is worth my time. I haven't fully canceled it, but it's on the edge of the chopping block for sure. It's just not my thing, and that's okay. This is a hobby, and I want to spend my time on projects I love. I know follower count is always a big discussion on simblr for some reason, but that's not really why I'm here and I don't feel it is fair of followers to demand one type of content just because they followed for a specific reason.

Sooooo TLDR, I have to keep running my blog the way that works for me. I'm going to work on things as I want to and as inspiration strikes (that might mean I'm working on 5 WIPS at a time). I don't need a perhaps well-intended but nonetheless unnecessary performance review. I do appreciate you giving me an opportunity to explain this, and I ask for opinions frequently, so feel free to share them when that time comes. ❤

[dross-the-fish]

What happened to your Elder Scrolls art? Seems like it's been months since drew any.

I know and I apologize. But for years now I've been doing mostly TES, FNV or VTM art and I think I'm just burnt out. It's not permanent but I want to give more attention to my other interests until I feel better. Most of my TES content was Morrowind centric and very few of the people I regularly interacted with for that fandom are left anymore. Not to mention I had to recently leave a Discord server I was on because people kept getting uncomfortably sexual about art I'd post of my Nerevarine. VTM I also had a recent negative experience with concerning some art theft. And it honestly wasn't even the theft itself, I've dealt with that before, but some people's reactions to it, especially my IRL friends, implying I should be flattered someone liked my Gary Golden art enough to steal it. Idk it made me feel some type of way and I am too stressed and tired to keep dealing with it. If you're someone who initially followed me for those fandoms, I'm really sorry and I am very grateful you took the time to appreciate my art at all, but it doesn't bring me as much joy as it used to to draw for them right now and I don't know how long it will be before I feel up to drawing for those fandoms again.

[lennjamin-o7]

you'd be surprised at how many people reread your fic lmao, I also love rereading your fic (esp for the angst 👀). One of the funniest thing I realized at one of my rereads is that all of the blessed ones have the same 'short word + name of weapon' pattern techno does. I did an irl facepalm for not realizing it sooner lmao.

My favorite scenes is definitely techno's dream sequences, esp because it's genuinely does feel like a dream. Idk how to explain it, but it's scratching my brain in the best way. Plus the way you revealed the blood god!! Honestly I think that's one of the best application of "show don't tell" I've seen in a while. Cuz, you never said that it was the blood god, but Everything in that exact moment just Screams it. I just love the dream sequences alright. Also, the fact that the blood god actually hates how the church is treating techno is really funny to me, cuz now there's three parties who wants techno, and none of them will go down easily (unless techno's gonna off of blood god's hand with that little bet 👀).

Alright this is getting too long, I've already poured out so much in the comments and somehow I'm still having thoughts abt this fic 😵‍💫 what I want to say is, this is such a good fic I love it very much mwah /p

side note: I don't know why, but my brain has decided that your blood god looks like Mohg from elden ring (tw for body horror if you decide to look him up tho). I mean, his title is Lord of Blood so it kinda makes sense.

I'm so happy that something I created gave you enough joy that you read it not once but TWICE. But you insinuating that you read it more than twice. Bruh. I'm just incredibly flattered 💚💚💚.

I am incredibly proud of the names for the Blessed so I am glad people enjoy that, too, and it's not just me giggling at it. I originally was making it that every Blessed had 2 Syllable Adjective + 1 Syllable Weapon, specifically. So it had the exact same stressed syllables as Technoblade's name when said outloud. Just so it was even more integrated into the fic. (Also, Subtleknife is a nudge at His Dark Materials series by Philip Pullman, which also has religious themes to it. Especially in relation to religious zealotry and overreach. So, I thought it would be a fun little fitting addition)

But as I added more names, it became harder to do that pattern because there are only so many 1 syllable weapons. And I really didn't want to keep reusing weapons, even if in Universe that's what they would have had to do. And I had the wiki for Melee weapons open on my computer for so long lol. So, I know I eventually caved on sticking strictly with that setup as more side ocs were named.

I am so glad you like the dream sequences! I have a BLAST writing those, and I have actually written two or three that never made it into the fic because I felt I needed to use them more sparingly. If I use them too often, I feel like it will ruin the tension of them, you know? So, as much fun as I had writing them, I do have to restrain myself lol. But trust me, I love them very much. And there will definitely be more in the fic because I am weak and want more. It definitely scratches my brain, too.

And I am glad I've been successful with the Show, Don't Tell. That is one of my personal goals when I started writing this fic in particular. To do better with show don't tell. And its really encouraging to hear that it was successful. Especially with the Blood God, because I was trying to hit that niche of, like, eldritch horror. Which HAS to be show not tell. Because I can't just say "hey, this guy is horrifying and incomprehensible!" and have the same impact. I had a lot of fun trying to find the right words to get across the feelings of those scenes. It was a lot of effort, but really really fun effort.

And Techno is in the middle of a multi-sided tug of war and doesn't even realize it lololol. Unfortunately, he's the rope. Which isn't, you know, great. I mean, for him anyways. All of us that like angst are having fun.

I love every word so if you are worried about it being long for me, please don't worry. I'm screenshotting it, printing it out, and eating it. I love it. Delicious food. Chef kiss. I love it. And I love the comments. And I am so happy it makes you happy enough to rotate it in your brain. Because it also rotates in my brain.

And I've never played Elden Ring, but I did look that up and fuck that is a cool design. The people who designed that game really went off. And feel free to imagine the Blood God like that, its looks neat as hell!

And its not like I've described what the Blood God looks like.

Because Techno hasn't looked at him yet.

Which I'm sure isn't significant. :)

Have a great day! And seriously. Thank you for the ask 💚💚💚

[justin-hammers]

October/Early November Story 2 Prompt: Shower Time with some Praise Kink

Warning: A lot Degradation and Self-hatred with a slur. It's based on how I feel about myself. It's depressing, but there's a happy ending. Also some attempts of German language.

Words: 1,132

Ship: Erik Heller/Second Person POV F!Reader

The story is also down below 👇🏽

I closed the bathroom door behind me, and began to undress.

I was enjoying a lazy Sunday morning solo although I found it hard to enjoy anything this morning as something was bugging me.

Erik was still out of the country for yet another mission. I personally wish he didn’t go, but I knew it was for the best. It's what he likes to do I guess.

Trying to do a long distance relationship is rough, and he hardly calls or messages, especially at night before bed.

I'm worried about whether our relationship will still be what it used to be when he gets back.

I've been sleeping during much of the day and I hadn’t done anything even remotely fun other than masturbating. Plus, I got in a really stupid shouting fight yesterday on the phone. I realized that he was probably just tired and cranky since he was still on his mission.

We hadn’t had sex for a while too. While he was away, I thought the first thing we’d do when he returned was rip our clothes off and do it until we passed out, but those chances are just as low as the relationship itself.

I checked to see if the water was warm enough, and I stepped into the shower.

Does he not find me attractive anymore? Am I too ugly for him?

When we first met, he used to call me "ein schön frau." I was very flattered with his comment, and we just hit it off with our relationship. I have to admit that it was pretty fast, but he loved me regardless, but my self-esteem was lower than the deep end of the sea.

I always see myself ugly and unattractive as sin. People say my body looks so small, but I always think I look fat like my stomach needs toning and my thighs are so wide. My face looks man-ish and shitty looking, and I always have unnecessary body hair in other areas of the body. I still have scars on my wrist from the constant self-harming I have done when I have really bad days. I look so stubby and short that I could be mistaken as a middle schooler. Been exercising, cleaning myself up like always, and doing my best at trying to eat healthy and do less stressful stuff, but I feel like it's not enough to make me feel better, look good and attractive.

'Maybe he only likes girls who are fine with how they look regardless? Fucking doubt it. He ain't gonna want a Monkey Hyena hybrid looking girlfriend with stupid scars on her wrist and in need to be put down,' I thought to myself as I let the warm water wash over me.

I soaped up my top half of my body as I looked at my puny breasts. Maybe I really do look like a child.

Erik probably fell for some super smart sexy foreign model cunt or some hot prostitute with nice curves. Hell, maybe he likes hot fat chicks with a pin-up look. Maybe they all talk really fucking sexy too. I just don't fucking know! How can I compete against such good looking women?! I'm just a hideous midget from Texas!

I always felt like Erik was out of my league. A cute down to earth guy from Germany who was also an Operative? I failed to understand why he was ever interested in me.

"Maybe I was right. I should've killed myself," I admitted to myself as I started to burst into tears.

I kept on crying as I failed to hear the bathroom door open. The shower curtain slid open, but I didn't turn around. I suddenly felt some tapping on my shoulder.

“Is there room for two?”

I turned around to see who it was.

It was Erik, standing in the nude.

He still had that beautiful big grin on his face. I didn't know what to say as I was so surprised by the spontaneity of the moment.

“Oh-uh, y-yeah okay,” I finally responded, backing closer to the end of the shower.

The shower in their apartment was pretty old and small, but at least it's pretty roomy for the both of us.

“Excuse me,” he said as he went in.

My head was pressed between his abdomen and chest.

“I thought you were still on your mission,” I asked.

“Not all my missions were going to be long and complicated. The only thing I don’t want to leave is you,” Erik answered as he leaned over and began kissing my neck.

It was corny as shit, but his response made me smile. My cheeks turned rosy red and another “shower” had begun in between my legs.

“Oh Erik, I was so worried. I was beginning to think that you weren’t attracted to me anymore, and that you were meeting other girls that are probably so much cooler than me and I…”

He suddenly interrupted me by locking their lips together in a passionate kiss.

They continued to makeout in the shower as Erik's hand traveled the surface of my puny wet body. Eventually, he massages my small breasts as he breaks away from the kiss for a moment.

"You know you are such a schön frau. Your body is like a wonderland for me to explore. Your smallness makes me wanna eat you, and carry you everywhere. Your eyebrows are very natural like nature itself. Your Beige skin reminds me of my favorite season being Fall. My god, baby, you are phänomenal!"

I was blushing really hard now as I was slightly confused by his statement. I broke away from the kissing to respond.

“Ugh, I just feel so yucky everywhere," I confessed as I desperately wondered what Erik would say.

“Oh liebling,” he answered as he leaned in for another quick peck. “You’re never ugly. Not at all you are. You're as beautiful as the landscape of my country. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, meine geliebte. Don't ever push yourself to be perfect for me."

He then cups my face as his thumbs wipes my tears away.

"I'll always love you, liebling. Always."

He then leaned in for more shower kissing.

I was feeling so much relief and joy to know that my boyfriend liked me for who I am.

He put his arms around me, and pressed his muscle tits and abdomen into me. I shivered at the pleasurable feeling of my boyfriend’s slick body. I felt Erik’s member rise and poke my vagina. He began to giggle as I did too. We looked right into each other’s eyes with wide grins on our faces.

That Sunday we finally had sex for the first (and for the second) time since he was gone.