#(because i was also diagnosed with liver disease this year)

[not-poignant]

It's that time of year again! Hammered out a modest (for me) word count of 472k over the year, with December's reflecting my overall burnout. Finished Falling Falling Stars, started another story to get addicted to (Underline the Black and friends), and overall it's been a great year for emotionally authentic writing! (My yearly wordcount does not include: worldbuilding, outlining, planning, multiple drafts (only the first draft of a chapter is included), or half-chapters since I *only* count completed chapters. It's a bit unconventional, but having a monthly wordcount where I only count completed chapters has been working for me for years now!)

This has been the first year in a little while that I haven't hit 500k, which I think reflects both a desire to spend more time relaxing and resting between writing, but also being absolutely smashed with a lot of new medical diagnoses and appointments, and being often too burnt out to write at all.

Next year doesn't look much better on the medical front, and may indeed be a lot worse. Being diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), T2 Diabetes (50% of the people with my permacancer get T2 diabetes which only goes into remission upon removal of the tumours, but my tumours are inoperable, so my T2D can't go into remission) and possibly Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension (PAH) on top of all my other disorders each came as huge blows. One of the saddest being learning I may never be able to take ADHD meds again, and having to stop after a very amazing 3 months where I could schedule writing ahead for the first time in my life, and plan a holiday for December.

There will be no more Schedules going forward, that was sadly a 'medicated ADHD' blessing, and it's gone now. :(

So going forward into 2023 I don't know what writing I will be doing or what I will achieve. I don't know if I can continue writing the way I have been, and if I get an official confirmation on the PAH (so far it's only CT confirmed), and only have around 5~ years left to live, my writing future could look very different indeed.

But it's business as usual in the meantime.

This year I am the most broke I have ever been on the medical front (I have no health insurance, and only some of our healthcare is free, which doesn't include psychiatry, or the calibre of therapy I need, and now that I need to see a private pulmonologist and possibly engage in lung rehabilitation, things might get pretty awful pretty fast). I have never been more grateful to all the folks who have supported or who are still supporting on Patreon or who have given to Ko-Fi.

I love everyone who is in this little community, but for the ones who kept me financially afloat so I didn't drown, thank you.

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Weight Loss, Dieting, Medical Shit Goin' On

At the request of @meethisharma , I'm making a big post of like. EVERYTHING I've learned so far since truly trying to lose weight and do better since February of this year. I'm of course going to go into my background as to why I need to lose weight and my life as an obese person, different references I've used to help with my weight loss, dietary changes, THE WHOLE SHEBANG.

So uh. Buckle up, it's a LONG post.

(Also, shout out to Jordan Shrinks over on YouTube, I've followed this woman for years and she is still the biggest inspiration and my favorite fucking person who has helped me shape my routine for weight loss.)

Why did I start trying to lose weight?

I have been obese pretty much my whole life. In high school, I weighed 260-270 lbs. Both of my parents struggled with drug addiction, and that meant that we ate a lot of unhealthy, over processed food as it was the cheapest. I also rarely, if ever, drank water growing up; we mostly had soda in the house, and that's what I drank.

Last year, in May of 2022, I weighed 330 lbs. This was after I had already lost an unknown amount of weight, as I put on a LOT working at McD's given the food was free and I was broke most of the time. This was still not enough for me to start losing weight, but I did start packing my own lunches and at least started eating better. In September, I started my first hotel job, and with the better work and pay, I was finally able to afford insurance for 2023 and start going to doctors like I needed to. I've always had a LOT of chronic issues, but none were ever diagnosed as I really didn't go to the doctor much unless it was an absolute dire emergency.

Timeskip to the first week or two of February, 2023, and I finally get in to see a nurse practioner who will lead me to find my current primary care doctor. I weighed 312 lbs, and she was very... well, blatantly, she didn't even give me the time of day LMAO. She didn't even bother to tell me I was pre-diabetic, I had to find that out from looking at my lab results myself.

Week 3 of February, I get in with the guy who's now my primary care doctor. He's also fat, like I am, and he was also far more direct with me about my situation. As it turned out, I was in like stage 3 hypertension (my blood pressure was 150 smth over 140), I was almost 90% deficient in vitamin D (y'know, the shit that makes your bones HARD), my iron saturation in my blood was in single digits (aka severely anemic, borderline needed a blood transfusion), I was well into my way to being a Type-2 Diabetic (my A1C was 5.8, you need to be 6.4 to be diagnosed), AND... my liver was struggling really, really badly. Side note, he's also a mental health professional, and he's the one who originally diagnosed my severe PTSD and got me in with my therapist.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WAS NOT IN THE BEST CONDITION. I was actually well on my way to developing early heart disease, osteoporosis, diabetes, blood clots, like everything I was the MOST afraid of was what I was about to have. Because I wasn't taking care of myself, I was living off of ramen and fast food and processed as shit food all the time, TV dinners... I'd make a meal out of a family-sized bag of chips or a whole roll of crackers and several slices of cheese.

My doctor was very point fucking blank about my outcomes. I could've died if I did nothing. A really horrible way to die, too. He told me that if I wanted to make changes, he'd get me every resource possible he could to help me, but I had to want the changes if they were gonna stick. Keep that in mind, right? YOU have to want the changes needed.

And that's when everything started.

THE GAME PLAN

SO, what did I do to start losing weight? What changes did I make?

Everything. FUCKING everything. My doctor said I needed a low-as-possible sodium diet, so I changed it. I needed to start exercising, so I did. I needed meds and to get into therapy to help deal with my mental health, so I religiously take my meds and I go to therapy as many times as possible each month. He also wanted me to get a daytime job, as my overnights were likely making things worse, and I finally got that done now, too.

A big thing to add here, too: my doctor has not talked to me about BMI. The only thing he has asked me to do is get to 200 lbs. He says so long as I don't drop under 120, he's said it's fine whatever weight I stop on, so long as I get to 200.

But where did I begin? The SIMPLE shit.

I started with ten minute walks. That's it for exercising, I started with TEN MINUTE WALKS. And you know what? It was fucking hard. It still is. It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get me to get up and go take a 30 minute to an hour walk. But don't let these fucking fitness influencers bully you into thinking that if you can't handle pumping iron in the gym for 6 hours straight then you're always gonna be a fat slob or whatever those fuckheads say these days. And, if you don't like walking, if you'd rather lift weights, you can do that too! If you don't want to go to a gym like I don't, order some cheap ones off of Amazon or Walmart. Go cycling or swimming or jumping rope. You don't have to go big and hard into exercise to be healthier. Start small.

Now, diet-wise, I threw myself in it a little too vigorously and I also paid the price of wasting like $50 each payday in shit I didn't eat or still haven't, and I also fucked up my GI tract for a solid month. I was ROUGHING it. Raw-dogged the low sodium diet and it did it back double time, do NOT do what I did. There's gonna be a WHOLE section after this one on dietary shit. Big thing, though? MEAL PLANNING. I don't care if you only meal plan one meal of the day, I only do my damn dinners. Just take time on your day off to batch cook a bunch of shit to be able to eat for one meal throughout the week.

MAKE GOALS. I don't care if the goals you set seem shallow to you or not, make some fucking goals. Keep them on a list you can easily find, especially like on your phone. HELL, keep the list in SEVERAL ways, like a paper on your wall. I have another section planned for like examples and my own goals on down.

EXERCISE

AGAIN, start small. Don't go hog wild and try to do an hour a day at the gym to start; that's gonna burn you out and wear you down before you even get started. Also, you don't need a gym to exercise. If you never wanna step foot in a gym, you NEVER have to.

Start with a five to ten minute walk every other day. You don't like walking? Cool, get some cheap weights (or a kettlebell weight) and lift weights for 5-10 minutes. I just recently got a 5lb kettlebell on Amazon for like $8.55 after tax so I can start doing weighted exercises. (NOTE: don't start with big heavy weights. You'll fuck up your muscles and joints. You'll want to research what weight to start with first.)

I think it wassss two weeks of me walking for ten minutes every other day before I moved to 15 minutes? Now, in May, I can go for an hour at a leisurely pace.

My Routine:

45 minute-hour walk at LEAST 4 days a week.

One day of 30 minute power walking or walking-jogging intervals. I walk along the street I live on, and I do 1/3 of the way jogging, the rest walking.

At LEAST one day using resistance band exercises. Resistance bands are like $10 at Walmart, I recommend using a light one to start WHILE AT YOUR HEAVIEST WEIGHT. Resistance bands work by using your own body weight as the resistance, so it's best to start while you're still at the heaviest.

Hoping to work the kettlebell in on at least three days of the week, doing weighted HIIT exercises (high intensity training).

DIETARY CHANGES

The BIGGEST piece of advice I can give you is to make sustainable changes. The reason diet culture doesn't work is because you can't survive off of diet food for a long period of time, meaning you'll just regain the weight back once you return to a normal diet. Also, carbs are not bad for you. Unless a doctor specifically tells you to lower carb intake, PLEASE do not just suddenly decide to stop eating carbs as you can permanently damage your major internal organs.

Now, I am not on a diet, persay. The changes I've made I plan to keep for the rest of my life. Now, I can only tell you what I do, and not what you should do. I have some formal training in nutrition, and I can give you advice on what not to do, but again, I can mostly tell you what works for me.

NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, HERE WE GO! I am on a low-sodium diet, meaning I do not add salt to shit. I use Accent, a shit ton of seasoning and spices, and I get my canned food no salt added when I can. I also mainly only eat turkey and chicken (mostly chicken), while beef and pork are like... a treat every once in a while. I also get low sodium canned tuna or like... actually good fish sticks. And, as I live on the Gulf Coast, I get fresh shrimp once or twice a month. I also do NOT add sugar to something unless it's a recipe for like bread to feed the yeast. I get canned fruit in 100% juice, or I get it frozen mostly. If I want to add something to make it sweet, I dump fruit in it. I've also recently been adding like... one packet of splenda ALONG WITH FRUIT to my oatmeal. Tastes p good, do not recommend splenda in coffee. Shit's nasty.

I am also a calorie counter and believer. The easiest way to think of calories is like... energy. One calorie is one unit of energy. I HIGHLY recommend using a couple of calorie calculators to help figure out your daily intake, and I use the My Fitness Pal app to keep track of what I eat, especially as I am prone to boredom eating and binge eating, as I do still struggle with disordered eating. I also keep an eye on my macros (protein, carbs, fats), as well as my cholesterol, sodium, and saturated fat levels.

So, what does Cy do for food? A lot but also... not very much, lol. I am a convenience bitch. I ain't here to cook several times a day and shit, I ain't got time for it. I be makin' shit as easy as possible.

I do often drink protein shakes before or after I walk or have an intense workout. You don't have to, just keep in mind you DO need high protein intake before or after working out, to help your muscles repair themselves. I get the cheap af Purely Inspired brand at Walmart, mix it with frozen fruit and milk in my blender.

PLEASE, GOD, DRINK WATER! Drink plenty of frickin water. Your body has to be hydrated and the more water you drink, the less water your body retains as extra. A bit weird, I know, but take it from me as I carry about 10-12 lbs of water weight a day, and it was a LOT more when I wasn't hydrating properly.

I meal prep one meal a week. It's dinner now, so I take a day I'm off, make a big batch of smth, and separate it into like 5-7 containers, freezing some and fridgerating the others. I post recipes and total costs over on @cylentlycrafting , and I get those cheap ass Mainstays meal prep containers. It's like $5 for 5 of em, and I have like... 3-4 sets.

The main meat I eat now is chicken, as it has the highest amount of protein across all meats. I also pretty much exclusively eat whole grain foods (brown rice, whole wheat bread, whole wheat or brown rice or quinoa pasta), and I keep instant brown rice and instant oats on hand. Listen, I'm an impatient ass mfer, I don't have 45 mins to cook some goddamn rice.

I also luv eggies. And cheese. And dairy. Though I typically get reduced fat dairy products, except milk. Reduced fat sour cream, reduced fat cheese, sometimes reduced fat yogurt, but I take any yogurt I can get my hands on.

I use a LOT of canned beans, peas, chickpeas, and tomatoes. I also get frozen broccoli, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, red potatoes, and carrots as far as veggies go. I also often get chopped romaine lettuce, carrot chips, grape tomatoes, and onions. That is the beginning and the end to the veggies I eat, and best be fucking sure I put red kidney beans and chickpeas in everything almost it. Broccoli, too. Tomatoes.

Fruit wise, I have a LOT of fruit cups and canned fruit in 100% fruit juice, frozen fruit, and I also have a thing for clementines lately. Been eating tf out of them.

Snackies wise, I usually get that big box of baked chips from Lays. Peanut butter and graham crackers. Dark chocolate. Power Crunch protein bars because PROTEIN BARS DON'T HAVE TO BE DISGUSTING!!!!!

I pretty much exclusively use olive oil, but canola oil is also pretty damn good if you're on a budget! Just avoid regular butter, that shit's got so much calories and fat in it.....

Listen, you don't have to go broke buying shit. I tend to allot more money to food than most people because I have a LOT of food issues, and because I commit hard to shit. I have olive oil mayo and butter replacements, I keep low sugar and low sodium ketchup, and I buy expensive ass Lucini tomato sauce. You don't have to. Like I also buy tater tots and off-brand coco puffs and mini wheats.

I have experimented with a LOT of brands in the past few months, which I will probably make another post about eventually? Maybe? Also more budget-friendly shopping hacks and shit given I be trying to save as much money as possible.

GOALS

Listen, like every big project, you need goals. Getting your body healthy is a big project, and you should make goals. Goals on why you want to get healthy, goals on why to keep going even when shit gets hard. I don't care if it's the most vain shit ever, if it's a goal it's a fucking goal.

Here are some of mine:

More clothing options. If I lose more weight, I will be able to fit into smaller sizes and have more choices on what to wear.

SELF CONFIDENCE

Feeling less embarrassed when eating out somewhere.

HEALTH. A large part of me always feeling shitty is my diet and lack of proper vitamins and nutrients.

Prediabetes. I don't want to be like my mom and papaw and have to poke myself multiple times a day nor be reliant on insulin.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The main things I can impress upon y'all:

Build sustainable habits. If you don't think you'd be able to do it for the rest of your life, maybe rethink the habit before it becomes too set in stone.

You're gonna fall off the horse sometimes. You're gonna cheat, you're gonna make slip ups. And that's okay. Don't feel guilty, don't overrestrict or punish yourself for it. You're human, and you're trying, and that's okay. You can only do as much as you're able to right here and right now.

It's a hard and long road. Getting healthy and fit isn't going to be a breeze in the park. This shit is hard, especially if you're building new habits from scratch. But you got this. YOU CAN DO IT.

You HAVE to want this for yourself. No one else can want it for you. It has to be on you and you alone.

You're gonna find people wanting to sabotage you, as horrible as it sounds. Sometimes people feel threatened when others attempt to better themselves, because that person or those persons know they wouldn't put the time or energy into doing so themselves. And, unfortunately, some of those people are your close friends and family :/

TRY NEW THINGS. FAIL AND KEEP GOING. I have tried so much shit in the last few months, and some has stuck, some has not. I have learned I do not like a lot of vegetables, and that's okay. I also make taco salad (from 'scratch') at least two to three times a month. What works, works!

You are going to bloat A LOT when you start amping up workouts. Your body holds extra water and nutrients for up to FOUR WEEKS after you start exercising or start a new exercise routine/build up on your existing one. This is to repair your muscles and joints as they grow.

Scales like to lie, and they won't tell you how much water weight you're holding. And yes, you will be able to tell you're bloated. I never knew of bloating until now and sometimes shit fits weird when I'm majorly bloated. It SUCKS

Measure yourself. Your stomach, chest, waist, hips. All of it. Keep it. It'll be amazing to see how much you've changed eventually.

I actually would LOVE to keep making posts like this. But, here's my current progress:

I am a little under 270 lbs, unsure of how much as I am starting and trying new exercises, as well as my new job being HELLA more active than my old one.

I do have more processed stuff in my diet, but i do try to balance it with healthier food, too. Budgeting is.... hard.

My blood pressure tends to run 110/70 now.

I hope this helps someone out there.

My heart rate has gone down from 100+ bpm, to now it's at 60-75 bpm.

I also drink diet soda now, usually one a day.

[brightgnosis]

"Bright" vs "Dark" Plants, The Poison Path, and The Need To Stop Being Edgelords About It All

It is forever obnoxious to me, when dealing with materials pertaining to the Poison Path, that there is always an air of completely unnecessary edginess about the nature of the plants. Particularly in regards to their “dual nature”.

The most recent example I’ve encountered comes (yet again) from 'The Poison Path Herbal: Baneful Herbs, Medicinal Nightshades, and Ritual Entheogens', when Mr. Michael says:

[Baneful Herbs] are the tricksters and shapeshifters of the plant world. They can act as both poison and panacea and teach us about boundaries and limitations that we would otherwise not approach.

The statement is certainly not untrue. In fact, he’s completely correct. However? It contains, overall, a symptom of a much larger mentality I encounter often along the Poison Path, and among those who write about it and practice its supposed virtues. One which has traveled beyond the realm of annoying, and which I wish I could chuck in the gutter and never see again.

It’s an obnoxious statement specifically because those on the Poison Path, whether they realize it’s what they’re doing or not, always act as if it is only Baneful Herbs which have such a dual nature- which is where the unnecessary edginess rears its ugly head ... Yet in actual reality? All plants (or at least nearly all, anyways; there are always exceptions to the rule) are dual natured in this way; the so called “Healing Herbs” of the world are no different than the so called “Baneful” ones in being capable of inflicting harm and trickery.

⇝ Take Iris, for instance. It has been long used as a Diuretic, as a remedy for Bronchitis, and as a Laxative for Constipation. The dried root of Iris Germanica var Florentina is specifically known as Orris Root- which most would recognize as a common ingredient in perfumes, incenses, potpourris, and other aromatic products. And yet Iris is well known to be toxic- causing vomiting, diarrhea, dehydration, severe stomach pain, convulsions, and even liver, kidney, and even spleen failure if used incorrectly.

⇝ Comfrey, which I planted in my own garden last year as part of an experiment in natural fertilizer moving forward, has also long since been used as both an internal and external expectorant, astringent, and demulcent. Modern trials especially have shown it acutely beneficial in the topical treatment of joint pain, inflammation, myalgia, degenerative arthritis, and more- but only if the native Pyrrolizidine Alkaloids are removed from any such concoction made with Comfrey, because as it turns out, such a once widely used and beneficial healing herb is actually toxic; capable of causing a form of liver disease that can only be diagnosed through a postmortem liver biopsy, through accumulative consumption of even the smallest amounts- whether that “consumption” is through internal or external usage of any kind of preparation.

⇝ Coltsfoot has been found to contain these same accumulative Alkaloids. As does every member of the Heliotropium genus- another common aromatic- that has been tested so far (out of 325 species in total). Hemp Agrimony (Eupatorium Cannabinum) is also among them. As are many, many others.

And this is but a small smattering of blatant examples of Healing Herbs which are perfectly capable of trickery, and which contain an inherent multiplicity and duality. There are thousands more- more than one could possibly ever even list.

The true difference between "Baneful" and "Healing" plants? Is in the fact that the Baneful is so called because they harm more often than they heal; Baneful Herbs require an incredibly skilled and carefully studied hand in order to use them properly without hurting someone- and so it is much easier to harm people with them even when it’s their healing nature which is being sought out. As a result, many have developed “opposite associations”, and become taboo in cultural mythology and folklore around the world- becoming deeply associated with more “negative” figures and deeds, compared to the often “holier” and more elevated folklore and associations that develop around Healing Herbs.

But this dichotomy does not actually mean that there exists between them any true divide which makes Baneful dual natured and Healing single natured, or somehow removes the ability for Healing herbs to be equally as capable of trickery and deceit as their Baneful counterparts. And frankly, with as much herbal knowledge as many people on the Poison Path promote themselves as possessing? You would honestly think they'd not only know this, but also genuinely understand it.

It seems, however, that they are wrapped up in too much of their own egotism and desire to be edgy, and too focused on the “bad boy” image of Baneful Allies to listen to their brighter counterparts. Which is disappointing, as the age old adage clearly instructs us that “To Heal you must also know to Poison- for both are two sides of the same coin”. And so you would think, truly, that the door of understanding would swing both ways. But apparently the wisdom does not.

This is an opinion piece based in 20+ years of Witchcraft and Pagan experience, and 15+ years of Herbal Practice. If you found this helpful or interesting, please consider Tipping or Leaving a Ko-Fi (being Disabled, even $1 helps); you can see my other "Original Content" here.

This account is run by a Dual Faith «(Converting) Masorti Jew + Traditional NeoWiccan» & «Ancestral Folk Magic Practitioner» with 20+ years of experience as a practicing Pagan and Witch. If that bothers you, don't interact.

[heyitssashag]

I’m home from my Aunt and Uncle’s, now.

The kid met me off the bus and we went for a cup of tea and some lunch at the local cafe.

I feel tired but happy. It was a good few days. I forgot the clocks sprung forward this weekend and I got up too early.

Now that things will be winding down this week for appointments, workshops, etc (and it’s also my last week of facilitating the leader training), I really want to go back to focusing on my physical health. I feel like I’ve just let everything go since Christmas.

I randomly decided to subscribe to 23&Me+ to get some additional tests done. Nothing really blew my socks off but it’s interesting of all the “increased likelihoods” I have now. I’ve already had a lot of them. The things I don’t have (yet?!) are: fatty liver disease, high blood pressure and lupus. Also, I didn’t have preeclampsia when I was pregnant, but I had something called cholestasis of pregnancy. (Which apparently was really rare at the time.) I have no idea why I got this. It was weird - but I was cured once my baby was born. It started off with very high blood pressure and my liver enzymes were through the roof. They originally thought I had HELLP syndrome. Then I became insanely itchy and sick to my stomach. I was prescribed something called Ursodiol and it took a few days in hospital before it kicked in. Then they needed to do frequent fetal monitoring. Apparently my Oma went through something similar when she had my Dad but maybe they didn’t have a name for it back then (which was 70 years ago).

Anyway, below are some results. Note that I’m only posting my increased risks:

It’s interesting that ADHD and anxiety shows up but my depression results were fine. I always kinda figured my depression was triggered by external factors.

Anyway, just thought I’d share what the subscription includes which isn’t all that exciting.

However, I did get the 23&Me test for my kid - genealogy only. They had a lot of fun learning about their cultural background (which included a little indigenous American). My kids’ biological father passed away 6 years ago and his father (the kids’ grandfather) passed away closer to 20 and was adopted. So there were some genealogy “holes”. So my kid was happy and also a little surprised about how mostly British they were. lol.

I didn’t want to do the health portion of the testing for them because they’re still so young and I didn’t see a need. I also didn’t want to scare them incase something popped up. However, I was talking to my cousin today (who is also autistic but was diagnosed much later at 50), and she discussed how gluten intolerance seems to be common with people who are autistic. This got my antennae up as my kid has been dealing with chronic stomach/gastrointestinal issues for a good 5-6 years along with chronic pain, muscle weakness, severe depression, etc. Doctors just kept saying it’s IBS and anxiety.

My cousin mentioned she took gluten out of their diet about 10 years ago and they went from constantly being sick to feeling really well and healthy. I knew that 23&me tests for the celiac gene mutations so I decided it was necessary to check. Surprise, surprise - my kid carries one of the 2 variants.

So they’ll be going on a gluten free diet effective immediately.

If you plan to use 23&Me, here is a referral link for at least 10% off: https://refer.23andme.ca/s/wbwhu

Also, here’s a picture of my Aunt and Uncle’s cat reading the paper.

[lavenderlegends]

here's an update on the things i can talk about on this blog!

content warnings: health issues

i've been dealing with a lot of health issues so i finally got to see a specialist in september after being on the waitlist for 28 months. yep. over two years to see her.

she almost immediately diagnoses me with CFS/ME, POTS, fibromyalgia, and a pinched nerve in my back. reconfirms my other diagnoses of: ADHD, cPTSD, anxiety, and depression. (also, I have severe sleep apnea so. this is a long list of shit.)

she sends me for some tests, and then discovers an infection on top of it all. sends me for more tests which i do in october. she also refers me to another specialist for an appointment in november.

calls me to discuss my results the day before my appointment. she tells me that i'm clearly still fighting mono (which i got in 2018) and my liver is stressed. everything else - including lyme disease - came back negative. whew.

go into my appointment with the second specialist with my partner and the specialist goes, "so this appointment is about your lyme disease."

to which my partner and i were like ???????????????? excuse me, we were just told yesterday that i do not have lyme.

well, i do.

and it's like the final stage of lyme too. so fun.

anyway. it's been A Lot to deal with. plus i've been dealing with other stuff i can't talk about on my blog (mostly because it'd give away my real life identity since i'm technically a public figure now and i'm trying to keep them separate). but i don't currently have a lot of followers so i'm okay with saying this much.

i've also been stressed with work stuff.

i just.

i'm so tired. i've basically been in a crisis mode since wednesday and i'm trying so so hard to keep it together but i just... i'm failing. i feel like i'm crumbling under the stress. like my body literally cannot handle it.

but idk. things are looking up, i think? i hope?

i'm very lucky in so many ways, so i'm holding onto that right now.

xo.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Unfortunately I have bad news about Severus, we had to have him put down on July the 24th :( We were at home and he was struggling to breathe (he had swelling on his glands, face and ears after getting diagnosed with FIV and had been barely eating, so he was losing a lot of weight and just wasn't doing great) so we brought him to the vet, and the vet told us that the swelling was because his liver had stopped working (apparently cats with FIV are more likely to develop liver disease) So he said that we should have him put down to avoid prolonging his suffering, (me and my mom knew it might come to this if he didn't get any better, I just desperately hoped it wouldn't) so we had him put down, it was a strange experience for me, since i haven't seen a cat get put down before, but he looked rather peaceful after, and I think he knew how loved he was in his final moments, since I told him he was a very good boy and gave him a lot of rubs, even after he was gone, and the vet also let me keep some of his fur :) Honestly I told him several times in the two weeks before he died to NOT die and to please get better, because I will literally be unable to cope because I love him so much, so that was a bit rude of him honestly 😒😒😒😒 (humour is how i cope, plus we DID have him put down, so not really his fault he died 🤷‍♀️) But yeah I really miss my baby, and I really wish I had a better update about my boy :( sorry if this bums you out, certainly bummed me out considering i cried while typing it 💀 but just thought I should give an update! If he had lived to December it would've actually been three years since we got him :) still, I think he had a good run.. Since we couldn't afford to cremate him and have his ashes, we took his body and buried him in the back garden, and since my bedroom window looks out to the back garden, I can see his very pretty and well decorated grave! He is a distinguished gentleman even in death :)

This is the last photo I have of Severus, I took it while we were waiting outside the vets, we didn't even know we were going to have him put down just a few minutes later, but look at how handsome he is here!!

I also took a photo of the sky while we were waiting for a taxi home, so I think the pretty looking sky was definitely a message from Severus, in his own way :) The vets cat also came up to us while we were waiting, she was very cute, even if she scratched me :,)

Anyways, that's the update! So Severus may be gone, but his grave and legacy is one of a distinguished gentleman's! I still miss my sweet baby though, he was just one of those special cats, you know? :(

@plagued-roses oh no friend, I am so so sorry to hear that!

I'm glad that he's not suffering any more and that you were able to know ahead of time and say goodbye to him, but I know that doesn't make your loss easy. Thank you for sharing the update with us, and those pictures of that sweet boy :)

Much love to you friend, and whatever virtual hugs you could use right now <3

[bella-caecilia]

Okay, since it also came up in a recent lecture I had, I did more in-depth research on the history of pernicious anaemia and its treatments. So, now I'm presenting to you the key insights (I'm only boring you with the most central medical and historical information lol, it won't be a very scientific abstract, so no technical terms I think)

Quick basic information: pernicious anaemia is a severe condition resulting from a vitamin B12 deficiency due to malabsorption because of a lack of intrinsic factor which is necessary to absorb vitamin B12, now rather well treatable with high-dose vitamin B12 supplements.

So, for temporal classification, DA - A new era takes place in the summer of 1928 (an interesting year for pernicious anaemia, but more of that later). Dr Clarkson suggests that the diagnosis of pernicious anaemia isn't as fatal as only years before. He says there is a new treatment that isn't pleasant but poses a real chance for Cora to not succumb to the disease. The way it's portrayed in the film I feel like the great health scare Cora has in the story is nearly eliminated by Clarkson's last statement but I don't think that is very realistic.

The clinical presentation of pernicious anaemia was first described by Thomas Addison in 1849, and it was first referred to as "pernicious" anaemia in 1871 by Michael Biermer. Only around the year 1920, the role of the liver in haematopoiesis was discovered as an important step also in the treatment of pernicious anaemia. The belief was that the high iron levels would help the patients produce more blood, not knowing the deficiency was actually the vitamin B12 (also pretty high in the liver). Before it was used as a treatment for patients suffering from pernicious anaemia, however, there were studies on dogs. Around 1926, raw liver was first suggested as a treatment for humans. This diet (which relieved the former diet that was mainly rich in iron and low in calories + not very successful) consisted of huge amounts of raw calf's liver daily(!). Fun fact: because of that, calf's liver was only available and restricted to medical purposes at that time.

But different to what Dr Clarkson (or maybe more the makers of the film) suggested, it wasn't the long looked-for cure. Yes, raw liver did improve the patients' lives but it was still a severe condition and the treatment didn't promise a long life. Patients still died from the condition after not too long. Also, what Dr Clarkson might be trying to get at with his comment about the unpleasant nature of the treatment, it was very hard to consume such amounts of raw liver daily and posed a real struggle. In 1928, the first extract from raw liver was produced, not meaning that it was available for treatment in the English countryside or even in London offices right away. Maybe Dr Clarkson is already talking about the extract (which is actually more proficient than liver and maybe what JF was thinking about) but I don't think it's realistic that such a fresh subject of research was available to Cora at that time. Maybe some years later, since in 1931, the extract was first given intravenously to a patient because they didn't respond to the oral cure and this multiplied the positive effects of the treatment. It was the chosen treatment until the 1950s when pernicious anaemia could be specifically treated with vitamin B12 preparations (high doses and often life-long).

I don't want to say, Cora didn't get proper treatment or the prospects presented in the film were entirely wrong but I think her immediate future might have looked quite a bit different than the atmosphere and feeling that the film leaves us with (also with the rather happy and rosy last time leap we see in the film) suggests. I think it took at least more than a year (probably longer) for her to reach a point where she could lead a relatively fully pleasant life again. For pernicious anaemia to be diagnosed, she must have already been in a rather severe state. Could be worse probably if she could hide her symptoms so well but she definitely was seriously ill. I think the raw liver was a torment for her (which she probably didn't like to show). Depending on how quickly and well the liver extract was available to her and how advanced her condition already was, in the worst case, the symptoms and causes of the condition might have worsened (including next to fatigue, also depression, memory loss, and more severe gastric symptoms) first before she received a better treatment. In a better case, she could eventually live a rather uncomplicated life with her symptoms going back due to a timely treatment with the extract, which would accompany her for the rest of her life, though. Maybe, her rank and Robert's determination helped her to get early access to the much more promising treatments. (Poor Robert, will be surrounded by medical stuff and information forever now.)

I think it is rather safe to say, that she won't follow Violet in her footsteps of becoming an aged dowager matriarch of Downton.

And another unnecessary medical fact I don't want to know but I'm sharing with you because you have to suffer too, is that both, Cora and Robert, have a high risk due to their different medical histories to develop gastric cancer.

Okay, enough of the rambling :)

[melodic-melovin]

Mélovin Health Update: What We Know So Far (11/13/2023)

Okay so normally I'd just reblog the last post I made, but after trawling through countless news/tabloids sites, Reddit, and the cesspool that is Twitter and sorting through the various information available, it seemed more important to make a separate post entirely so people could see.

HERE IS WHAT HAS HAPPENED/WHAT WE KNOW:

-Mel has been diagnosed with a serious illness.

-I cannot *personally* confirm for sure what illness, HOWEVER, most sources are reporting that it is steatohepatitis, a liver condition, sometimes also known as "Nonalcoholic Fatty Liver Disease"

-In essence: this is essentially an inflammation of the liver caused by fat cells building up in said liver, not brought on by drinking alcohol.

-It is considered a metabolic disorder. There are several potential causes, most of which are tied to type 2 diabetes and obesity complications, hormone imbalances such as with the thyroid, but it can also just be bad luck of the genetic draw.

-This is NOT the same condition as viral hepatitis (aka Hepatitis C, etc.) I mention this specifically because some sites are incorrectly reporting this claim and people are already using that misinformation as ammo to be homophobic and claim that he got this condition as a result of his "orientation". Do not do this. Do not be these people.

-Is it terminal or is it incurable? Well, that's the muddied part of this. Even Mel used the term 'terminal' in his Instagram post about this, however many sources seem to point to 'incurable' as a more accurate term. It could be that the words are very similar in Ukrainian and thus the confusion there.

-Note that steatohepatitis *is* incurable, however it *may* or *may not* be terminal/fatal. We don't know how long he's had it, if there was liver damage already present before his being officially diagnosed, and to what extent. The main complications that can lead to death if no treatment is administered are cirrhosis and scarring, even liver cancer, which the only treatment at that point would be a full liver transplant. Without treatment, expectancy is anywhere between 3-5 years in severe cases, or 10-15 in lesser ones. Again, this is not proof of anything yet, this is only the general knowledge I have gained from researching this condition.

-This diagnosis came about as a result of bloodwork when he intended to get some kind of cosmetic procedure.

-(Before anyone asks what cosmetic surgery was he getting - that I don't know, and I don't think anyone else does either. He hasn't said, and cosmetic is a very broad term and can range from anything like traditionally thought-of plastic surgeries to something less intensive like a mole removal or getting his teeth worked on. Personally I think he's too young to be getting cosmetic work done, but that's not important right now.)

-He is seeking/undergoing treatment and currently resting and recovering at home with his family.

-His Instagram is currently private to non-followers, probably to prevent harassment. I have downloaded the video regarding this apparent diagnosis announcement and will try to upload it.

-He is still apparently on the longlist for competing in Vidbir, as announced by Suspilne.

-It is not known if this will impact the release of his newest song or further music going forward.

= o = o = o = o = o = o =

If more develops, I will try to let you all know. Right now, please just try to be supportive, don't harass him or his friends/family for more info (he will no doubt tell us when he is ready), and don't spread wild misinformation. We can only imagine what he must be going through right now. Even if this ends up not being nearly as bad as it sounds, getting a lifelong illness diagnosis is not easy for anyone to handle.

[asphaltvalkyrie]

The Sick Old Cat Update

My Sick Old Cat is not yet circling the drain, but she’s definitely trying to jump into the tub.

...If I didn’t work at the vet clinic she goes to, I would not be able to afford most of her care.  Just the same, were I better at math, I’d calculate how much of my paycheck goes right back into the clinic, because I bet its a lot.

She was diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease 3 years ago. Since then she’s also developed chronic pancreatitis and idiopathic hypercalcemia, all the while slipping from 10 pounds to less than 7. Getting her diagnosed and on the proper combination of steroids, anti-emetics, immunosuppressives, appetite stimulants and hydrolyzed protein foods has been a trip, and is still ongoing. She’s had X-rays, ultrasounds, blood/urine tests and endoscopic biopsies. I’ve sent her blood and tissue samples to two out-of-state universities for diagnosis.

Fortunately, her quality of life is excellent.  Aside from the appetite/weight loss problems, she’s quite vibrant for her age. She has very little cognitive or mobility impairment and her kidneys, heart and liver look great. She’s also taking distinct advantage of my concern as a pet owner by making me feed her about 8 times a day (since my other cats will steal her food if I leave it out for more than 5 minutes and she likes to graze) sleeping on my neck, cuddling up to the warm and cozy computer tower, making me brush her even though she always gets overstimulated after 3 strokes, and yelling at me every time I leave the room she’s in.

[etlu-yume]

Someone get me off this Iron Seesaw

Haemochromatosis: An inherited genetic condition where the body absorbs iron at a greater rate than normal, that if left untreated results in damage of organs such as the liver, heart, and pancreas.

It’s in my genes. It’s not going anywhere.

It’s something I’ve had to monitor, like a hawk, for the last 11 years. I spent parts of my uni degree diving into information and going to conferences to try and piece together what was going on, in a format that was easy for people (me) to consume. I’m not afraid to look up what the effects of iron on the brain are (oh what a mindfield that is), or to investigate what chelators are and who uses them (tl;dr: keep those things away from me).

At first it all seemed easy. Go to the blood bank once a month, have 500ml of blood taken. Get the iron down. As the iron comes down, reduce the frequency of visits. Easy.

Banned from the Blood Bank

One too many “Vasovagal syncope” episodes (fainting. Even though I never actually fainted, but that’s what’s gone down on my file) got me banned from the blood bank.

And it was terrifying. I was moving back home to the country, away from the city. Technically moving interstate, too, which I was reminded about the hard way when I needed to add a third medical professional into the mix because the hospital wouldn’t accept referrals from my city-based specialist in the other state. Even though technically, the hospital system is run by that state.

Yeah. You can see it coming too, right? That oncoming shitshow? Buckle up.

A Country Practice

As it stands, I’m an anomaly in terms of Haemochromatosis. The usual suspects are middle aged or elderly men. Not a young women barely out of their teens. You typically see people track diagnoses down a family tree, not up it. It’s still sometimes referred to as a “men’s disease” because somehow apparently menstruating magically protects people from absorbing too much iron. (My ferritin of 618 at 18 years old would like to disagree with that assumption, so much)

So luckily, by the time I head back to the country - with our wonky as all getout “your rules don’t apply to us” border bubble health system - we’ve actually got it under control. The treatment phase, to reduce the iron, has been completed. We just need to work out what the best regime for maintenance of that is. In order to get blood taken - after being banned by the blood bank, of course - we need specific paperwork from a specific set of doctors. Physicians. Not to be confused with GPs, because that would be far too easy, wouldn’t it?

So we start the rounds of Physician roulette - which sounds more fun than it is, when there’s only 5 of them in 2015 and by the time one goes on maternity leave, another retires, and a third goes on indefinite medical leave, there’s not many options left after 2 years. (This also includes the infamous-to-people-who-know-me Dr “Oh you’re self medicating”, who refused to request certain tests and denied hospital referrals because the levels were ‘fine’ and I was ‘self medicating with periods anyway’. Colour me not surprised that when I got the call to tell me my appointment was cancelled because he was going on medical leave, that it was back to square 1 with the GP instead of passing patients onto someone else for ongoing care like my previous Physician did.)

And that’s just to get the referral papers - which once they’ve been filled in, I have to hand-deliver to the hospital. Just don’t take the first left down the stairs, that’s how you find out the cafeteria is right next to the morgue. The hospital staff at Campus A were amazing though, even though they took so long because nobody is allowed to start them. They without fail would run off to find a surgeon (this was the Day Surgery unit, after all) to actually start the procedure. Once it was started they were fine, but routinely they would have to run around for 30-45 minutes just to find someone to start it.

Keep in mind this is all well before COVID. This is 2015-2018. They’re struggling to start a simple venesection procedure in 2015.

The Australian health system was royally fucked from long before SARS2 decided to go for a joy ride around the world.

Hospital Switch

It feels like I’ve been to three hospitals but it’s only two - they moved the day surgery (read: squashed) into another part of the hospital at Campus A so they could do renovations. I think I got maybe one venesection in the New Surgery (which the nurses all complained about, it looks nice but apparently was less functional), before trying to book another venesection to be told “they don’t do them at Campus A anymore”.

By this point they have finally decided that they don’t actually need a specialists’ letter for venesections - you could still get one but it would only last you 3 months, while a letter from your GP would last 12. So we can cut out the extra $120/visit costs just to get paperwork from the specialists! Fucking hurrah!

But what we save in time, we lose in having to cross the river to get to the other hospital campus. There’s a new contact number to keep on hand. They actually give you a time to come in, rather than just a day. Campus W also seems to have slightly better food options - after all, I never got offered ice cream or jelly after my venesections at Campus A! (Although I haven’t been offered it since, but I did get a muffin once!). They’re also very strict on making you stay for half an hour once you’ve finished your procedure. And the nurses have, as far as I can tell from my 5 visits, ready to start the venesection at the drop of a hat.

Ring Ring, why won't you give me a call?

Unfortunately it’s not all smooth sailing; I’ve gotten to the point where my old GP would ask me what levels we were looking for. Where I’m practically calling the shots and just getting a sign-off that I’m allowed to do it. It’s kind of cool - it’s kind of scary.

My levels have started going up again - scarily so, considering I’d had a venesection between tests. So I’m urgently trying to get myself in for another venesection. I got the new referral letter on Monday afternoon, and tried to follow up with a phone call to the Clinical Liason Officer.

Answering machine.

So I leave a message, and decide to try again later. Maybe she was just at lunch.

Tuesday comes and goes with multiple calls to the officer’s number, and nothing but answering machine.

Wednesday I try to call while at work, in case I have more chances of catching them in the office before lunch time. Nothing, nothing, nothing. In the afternoon, I decide to try my luck on something I hadn’t tried for a while. Not since the change on the letter requirements.

It was time to check in with the blood bank, one more time.

Last time I’d tried this, I sat down with one of the nurses at the blood bank in a room. We had a talk. Said that it was possible, but I should get another couple of venesections under my belt. I’ve had at least that, if not more by this point.

But I don’t even get to speak to a nurse. Reception wants to send me to my GP to get put on the high ferritin app. ”I already am” I reiterated, ”I was a therapeutic donor. I wanted to try and get the ban lifted”. The tone changed slightly - out of their control, they said. Handed me an A6 card and wrote the national number I nearly called to see if I needed to book ahead to talk to someone, and told me to speak to a medical director because they had more power than the staff at the branch.

So at this point it’s where I mention that for the last 5 years, I’ve increasingly noticed that the closer my iron gets to 100, the more irritable and tetchy I get. (There’s some kind of extra spicy fuckery going on with cycle-related emotions too. It’s like a party of angry beans when there’s high iron and pre-period hormones. Nothing is safe - not even those keys, jumping out of my bag for no reason and falling on the floor. Especially those.)

I go home, angry and frustrated and rather upset (not even the allure of a food reward for going and asking the question worked - the brain collective said a hard “No.”), and despite it being 5pm, gave the line a call. After all, I’d wasted that half hour going into town, what was another half hour on the phone?

The first person I spoke to seemed nice enough. Checked my file, tried to tell me I was a therapeutic donor (strangely enough, I knew that. It’s the special program they have for people that need blood taken at different intervals, like haemochromatosis patients). Eventually explained that I was trying to see if we could lift the ban, since it had been 8 years and I’d had plenty of venesections since then without a problem. That was beyond her powers, but she was going to transfer me to a nurse.

Of course the “episodes” were one of the first things that were mentioned.

“It says here you had 4 episodes of Vasovagal syncopes in 2014**. What’s changed?”

I don’t know if it’s just because the wording caught me off guard, or if it was the shortness of “What’s changed”. It felt very much like “you’ve had fainting episodes. Nothing’s changed that. You can’t undo those. End of conversation”.

I mentioned that it had been 8 years. That I was barely in my 20’s when that happened. That I’m no longer in the city taking public transport, which was apparently an issue at the time, and that I’m driving myself to my appointments now with no issues. That I’ve had 5 venesections I’ve successfully taken myself to and from. (As of writing, 28 in total. 16 at the blood bank, and 12 at the hospital)

“You’re still a safety risk. You could faint while driving and cause an accident.”

It kind of feels like a kick in the guts - to be told despite all the work you’ve done over the last 8 years, of trying to do your best to get through venesections without any major mishaps, building little rituals around venesection day? That it’s not good enough. That none of it is good enough. That the pat on the back you’re giving yourself for being able to drive to and from a venesection is really being a “safety risk”. That hundreds of people drive themselves to the blood bank and back, but you are the one that’s a risk because of how you reacted 8 years ago (or more).

**BTW I’m 99% sure this claim of “4 Vasovagal syncopes in 2014” is False, actually.

November 2011: First blood donation ever. People *routinely* have a bad first donation because the body is freaking out. Mine just freaked out, went green, and took 4 hours to stop feeling light headed enough that I could go home (with friend who drove me and came as support). Is that REALLY a first strike against me?

- ??? I don’t know honestly. But chances are this was a dodo moment from me, where I unfortunately aligned procedural bleeding with monthly “self medicated” bleeding.

(& 4)- 2014 sometime: I remember these because it was the same nurse both times!! Once they put the needle in and then had to keep jiggling it around to get it to go, and I’m pretty sure that set me up for a poor reaction. The other time, they put the needle in and (vocally) observed that it was bleeding around the needle.

NOTE: none of these were episodes where I actually fainted. I got light headed, and the world span a bit, but I never passed out. Even my worse at the hospital didn’t knock me out (but oh boy it came close. And I know 100% that was because the tourniquet was too tight, and the rush of blood when they took it off is why my hearing went all funny and my vision was full of dots and the world spun really badly. But I know now to make a fuss if it’s too tight, if my arm goes red or purple, and not just ‘grin and bear it’.)

But that phrase sticks in my mind. “You’re a safety risk”. It’s probably going to sit there on the mental shelf, right next to “You’re self medicating”.

So the blood bank is - yet again - a write off. Maybe I’ll try again. Maybe I’ll get mad and make a list of all the ways I’ve improved with my approach to venesections. Or maybe I’ll give them away as a joke.

It’d be easier if they weren’t a nation-wide system.

Missing in Action

With the blood bank scrapped again from the options list, it brings me back to the hospital. Campus W. Chasing down Clinical Liason Officer. Because it’s the ONLY thing I could do at the time, I scan my referral and send an email. Just in case it’ll get a response. Thursday rolls around and still no dice from calling. Even the standard hospital number in the hopes that someone might be able to actually collar the officer and get a response, only gets me transferred to the same line that results in the answering machine.

So I grab my physical copy of the letter. Stuff my other notebooks with contact details into my bag, and choof over the river. Phones and emails hadn’t worked - but surely if I walked in there, someone would know something.

And they did.

Turns out the Clinical Lliason Officer is away. By the sounds of it, they’ve been away probably the whole time I’ve been trying to get in touch. There’s nobody filling their position while they’re gone. The hospital staff don’t know when she’ll be back. They hope it’ll be “Next Week”. There’s a side comment made about “if she isn’t back we’ll find someone to fill in that position”.

One person to book and schedule people for procedures across two campuses that serve close to 70,000 people.

And they don’t know when she’ll be back.

“If it’s pressing, you can go back to your GP to find an alternative or you can go to the ED”

This is just trying to book one single venesection. Just asking someone to take 500ml of blood. Something that’s an ongoing process and requires monitoring. It’s a regional city, but it’s not /rural/. We’re supposed to be a hub for other more rural towns. But I’ve lost track of the phone calls made, the time going to ask people questions. The time lost to being pushed back when trying to look at all my options. (Not that there are many of them).

It should not be this difficult.

[stealtharchaeologist]

@modernpolymath Please let me know if you didn't want this posted publicly, I'll delete it, but I had too much to say for the reply feature. It also tends to eat my replies, so.

I am prescribed 200mg of modafinil up to 2x a day (usually first thing in the morning and, if needed, a second dose early afternoon). I agree with you that it worked better as a daily med - I was doing that for a while, but late last year I found out that my liver was being damaged by my meds (non-alcoholic fatty liver disease - I literally have never drank alcohol). It was PROBABLY the acetaminophen in my painkillers that was doing the damage, but the modafinil was the only other med I was taking that wasn't strictly necessary (as opposed to like, my antidepressants, which I couldn't just stop), so I ended up dropping my modafinil as well. However, my fatigue has been getting worse and worse, to the point that I had to take a three week medical leave from work. So, like, clearly trying to go it without the modafinil wasn't working. So I'm taking it again, but kind of sporadically? Like only if I feel like I absolutely cannot shake the urge to go to sleep. But yeah, at some point I'm probably going to have to start taking it more regularly again. Like, I need to function.

Idiopathic hypersomnia, huh? Just looked that up and, boy, those symptoms look familiar. I sleep 10-12 hours a night and frequently take naps and I'm still constantly exhausted. Definitely don't feel refreshed when I wake up. I'm pretty much only ever at work or in bed. And we've done all the sleep tests, to no avail. I did get diagnosed hypothyroid last year, and started taking thyroid meds which I thought would help with the fatigue, but it's. Just. Getting. Worse. I'm waiting on a change in dose of one of my antidepressants because that might be interacting with the thyroid medication, but... I'm not holding my breath. The other small ray of hope is that I have an appointment in November with a leading fibromyalgia specialist, so maybe he can figure some shit out. But I'm still not holding my breath. Also, Jesus, NOVEMBER??

Unfortunately idiopathic hypersomnia looks like one of those diagnoses that's like, "*shrug* we don't fucking know". So, that's fun.

[bloominglately]

Waking Up

There is a fine line between self improvement and acceptance. I would like to have both. I would like to be a better person while also loving and accepting myself for who I am now. I don’t know, is that possible? I have missed out on so much in life due to an anxiety fuelled propensity for avoidance. I am a very young 30 years old. I don’t have a driver’s license, and I have never been on a date. There are many other things that I am embarrassed to admit, I have never done. I would like to change my life and put myself out there. I avoid out of fear, self loathing, and depression. I escape in food and YouTube and social media and Netflix and I am done doing that. I think I am finally at a place in my life to work on myself in a meaningful way. I am starting a l glow up journey and would like to share my progress with others who may relate or be in a similar situation.

I would like to improve every aspect of my life including:

Physical Health/Weight: I would like to lose about 70-80 pounds. Right now, I am around 210 pounds. I was 220 pounds at my highest weight; I have lost about ten pounds since May 2022. I also have PCOS, sleep apnea, aching knees, digestive issues, and constant fatigue. Right now, I see both a general practitioner, and a naturopathic doctor as well as a few specialists. They have encouraged me to lose weight in a non-judgemental way at my own pace. I am very fortunate to have access to healthcare. I have all the right tools and knowledge, just need to actually apply myself, as they say. Overall, I’d like to have more energy, lose weight, heal my fatty liver, and get rid of my sleep apnea. I just want to feel better and look better.

Mental Health: I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, social anxiety disorder and major depression. I have a therapist and it’s going well. I am not currently on any medication but have been in the past. My goal is to feel less anxious and depressed, and to be able to function at a high level and feel well. I truly believe this is something I can accomplish. I just want to wake up with enough energy to get through the day. I would like to not hate myself. I’d like to feel secure and have a little self esteem.

Beauty/Skin: My skin is AWFUL right now. I have both trichotillomania and excoriation disorder (hair pulling and skin picking disease). I almost never pull my hair out anymore (which is great because I didn’t used to have eyebrows or lashes) but I still pick at my face, A LOT. It does not help that my hormonal imbalance from PCOS is causing me to have intense acne. As soon as I turned 30 a hormone bomb went off and I haven’t recovered since. My skin has always been pretty bad, but lately it has been so awful that I’ve kind of given up on it. I am getting back into the skin care routine now, but it’s been a huge hurdle. I am caught in a never-ending cycle of acne, in grown hairs and dark spots. Please skincare gods I humble myself before thee. Imagine having wrinkles, cystic acne, and hirsutism. What a joke.

Career & Education: I work in higher education and am in the process of applying for a master’s in education. I would like to also do a master’s in music as this is what I studied for my undergrad, however right now an M ED. Is a little more practical. Since I work in higher ed, the college I work at will cover my tuition, which is fantastic. Honestly, I think this is the only part of my life that is going relatively well. I have a decent job which is why I think now is the best time for me to really try to tackle my goals. I at least have a bit of money to finance them. I would also love to start a side hustle as a producer/composer. I am a little rusty though but also determined.

Personal/Social Life: I have a few close friends and live at home still. I don’t mind being at home though, as my mom is not well, and I like to be there for her. I also enjoy spending time with my siblings. I just wish everyone would clean up after themselves. Other than that, no complaints. I do wish I had some more friends and a more exciting social life; however, I think I need to nurture the relationship I have with myself as well as my existing friendships.

Romantic Life: LOL. DNE. I don’t think I am ready for this right now. I would like to work on the other aspects of my life first.

Finances: I have a shit ton of student debt. Like 70k. But no credit card debt. I want to pay this off as quick as I can. I would like to own a house some day, but I don’t know if that is possible in this economy. I would really love to be debt free and have a decent chunk of savings. Right now, I have very limited savings, and a whole lot of debt.

Those are the areas I’ll be focusing on. Anyone in a similar boat? I feel like I have been sleeping under the veil of depression and have just woken up. I am realizing now how much I’ve missed and how much I regret. I have definitely experienced some sort of arrested development (it’s one banana Michael, what could it cost? Ten dollars?). Does anyone else fell like they are playing catch up? Would anyone like to join me on this journey?

[washoepine]

I know social media isn’t the best space to drop bad news, but there’s something about being told your stepdad is dying with no timeframe a little over half a year after your grandpa passing that is just kind of heartbreaking.

To get into a longer post: about a year ago or so my stepdad was diagnosed with AL Amyloidosis. Depending on the doctor, amyloidosis is considered as a type of cancer. The main difference that instead of a type of cell being rapidly reproduced and misfolded, it is proteins being rapidly reproduced and misfolded at a rate that the body can’t react fats enough to stop it. Amyloidosis does also have the potential of becoming cancer or any other type of disease.

There are different types of amyloidosis. AL very specifically targets the heart, liver, kidneys, and bones. It’s not the easiest condition to diagnose because it’s appears as so many other diseases as once. Often times when there is a diagnosis, the damage is done and is irreversible. The only real treatments are either chemotherapy or stem cell transplant.

My mom and stepdad opted for the stem cell transplant back during the fall which took place this past February and March because it seemed like the better option and could buy up to an extra 8-10 years. I think because my stepdad’s condition went undiagnosed for so long that the transplant didn’t actually help, so now he has a a fibrositic liver and kidney disease that are letting everything go into the body unfiltered.

I’ll be honest. Shit fucking sucks. I can’t even begin to imagine how my younger sister or mom are doing with all of this.

[lhunuial]

🌻 If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog 🌻 (It can also be IC if you prefer! <(^-^<) )

Thanks for the ask! I'll give the random facts about me and not my OCs.

Random Fact #1: I'm chronically ill. I have Auto Immune Hepatitis. It's a rare disease. Where I live, in the Netherlands, 2000 to 3000 people have it. Most people have never heard of it, they only know the Hepatitis viruses or think that I drink too much alcohol. (Fun fact: I don't drink alcohol, never have. I have never even been drunk). AIH is not a virus, my immune system attacks my liver, causing inflammation. I was diagnosed 6 years ago when I had a severe case of jaundice and acute liver failure. I was very close to needing a liver transplant at that time. Thankfully, because my treatment worked, I didn't need a transplant, but I will forever be on immunosuppressants, and may need a transplant in the future, if my liver gets worse. Because of the AIH, I am always tired.

Random Fact #2: I have two cats. Both are tuxedos and both were strays and adopted from the same stray cat rescue organisation. Their names are Bert and Bennie. Bennie is a disabled kitty, she lost one of her hind paws and her tail when she got caught and entangled in a farm field's fence and tried to free herself. They are my everything, I love them very much.

Random Fact #3: I do volunteer work at a daycare. I won't have kids of my own because of various health related and financial reasons, but I do love kids and I've wanted to work with kids already when I was a teenager. I love the kids I care for and see them develop. Got a big hug from one of them today.

[gettingthebestofyou]

So, who am I and what am I doing?

I’m a 40 year old woman living in the northeast US. I’m documenting my journey on a GLP-1 Medication. Feel free to come along for the ride or to ignore entirely. There will be frank discussions on weight loss, body image, and injectables.

I’m keeping this as anonymous as I can make it. I want it to be a diary of sorts.

Here’s my story…

I was always overweight as a kid, but I learned to have a very dysfunctional relationship with food because my mother hated her weight. I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t on a diet or I wasn’t thinking about what foods were good, what was bad, or how much I could have without looking bad in public.

I managed to keep my weight under check as a child, but I was always “chubby.”

In college I went up to 180 lbs. Even with being very active, I had no control over how I was eating and didn’t ACTUALLY understand nutrition.

After college I had a fairly active job, and I tried to keep active with gyms. I went on multiple diets many times. My weight fluctuated a lot.

Part of my job requires me to be in specific kinds of clothes, and to be in front of mirrors often. I see myself all the time. I do not like what I look like.

I did not like dieting and exercise, but I managed to stay just a little overweight for the majority of this time.

I was able to keep my body in check until 2014.

In 2014 I contracted Lyme Disease, but because I did not see a target rash and my test kept coming back negative (falsely) they wouldn’t medicate me. Over the course of 4 months I went to 5 different doctors, including one who wanted to diagnose me with Fibromyalgia and treat me with a course of muscle relaxants to sleep and caffeine to keep awake. The last Doctor finally treated the Lyme, and within 24 hours of being on medication I saw a 50% reduction in symptoms. I gained about 30 lbs in those four months.

In 2014 I also went back to school and my lifestyle changed drastically. From 2014-2019 it was a struggle to have energy, to move, even to sleep sometimes. It was all symptoms I had with the Lyme, but on and off, sometimes better, sometimes worse. Dieting became a struggle for me and the things I had done to lose weight before weren’t working.

During this time, I tried many drastic things to lose weight, which only worked for a time. I started to accept that I wouldn’t never be thin.

No matter what I did, in the end, my weight always went up.

When Covid hit, like so many others, everything stopped. I was unable to move, and keeping my weight in check was a dream at this point.

In 2022 I decided I’d lived with my head in the sand long enough. While I had been well other than my weight for years, I hadn’t seen a primary care doctor since 2015, and mine had retired during the pandemic. I went to a new primary, who found a myriad of issues.

Of note: high cholesterol, high lever enzymes, high A1C and high TSH.

I ended up changing primaries because I didn’t like how she seemed so unconcerned with my high results as I have a myriad of health issues in my family history.

My new PCP is amazing. With his guidance and the help of a nutritionist and a personal trainer, I’ve decreased my overall cholesterol to normal levels, my LDL is only slightly out of range, my liver enzymes (which indicated non-alcoholic fatty liver) are also now normal, and after referring me to an endocrinologist, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis which is now being treated.

Over the last year and a half, I have not been able to get my A1C down, though, no matter what changes I make.

After my last round of blood tests, and with my PCP’s agreement and cooperation, my endocrinologist has put me on Zepbound.

I am engaging on a GLP-1 Journey, like it or not. Some days I like it, some days I don’t.

Here, I’m going to recount it all.

Today is February 3, 2024.

Today I start finding the best parts of me.

[healthcaremarketfmi]

Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment Market Report- Drivers and Restraints, Growth Opportunity Assessment and Forecast to 2032

 During the assessment period, which runs from 2022 to 2032, the market for treating necrotizing fasciitis is expected to expand at a CAGR of 6.3%. The market, which had a valuation of US$ 2.4 billion in FY 2021, is anticipated to grow by 4.2% annually to reach US$ 2.5 billion. Furthermore, by 2032, the industry is expected to have a market value of US$ 4.6 billion.

Necrotizing fasciitis is a rare but serious bacterial infection that affects the tissue beneath the skin as well as surrounding organs and muscles. Necrotizing fasciitis begins with a minor injury and progresses rapidly.

Browse Complete Report@ https://www.futuremarketinsights.com/reports/necrotizing-fasciitis-treatment-market

According to the CDC, 500 to 1,000 cases of NF are diagnosed in the United States each year. Necrotizing fasciitis has a poor prognosis in the presence of co-morbidities such as immunosuppression, chronic alcoholism, chronic renal failure, liver cirrhosis, and diabetes mellitus.

Any delay in diagnosing necrotizing fasciitis can be fatal, resulting in more extensive surgery, a high rate of amputation, and a high mortality rate. If necrotizing infection is not treated, it can lead to systemic inflammatory response syndrome.

Despite improved diagnostic tools and treatment management in recent years, the mortality rate of necrotizing fasciitis remains high. Surgery to remove infected tissues, antibiotics, and supportive treatment to control blood pressure, organ function, and fluid levels are all part of the treatment for necrotizing fasciitis.

Necrotizing fasciitis progress very quick and lead to serious disease such as sepsis and organ failure.

Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment: Market Dynamics

In the near future, the market for necrotizing fasciitis treatment will be driven by an increase in the prevalence of chronic disease and an increased focus on research and development of rare diseases as well as the development of new technology.

Rising awareness and innovation in wound and trauma therapy, as well as innovation in the diagnosis of rare diseases, will drive the market for necrotizing fasciitis treatment during the forecast period.

The use of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) and steroid drugs, which suppress fever, makes disease diagnosis difficult, and a lack of specific treatment and diagnostic criteria impedes the growth of the necrotizing fasciitis treatment market.

Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment: Overview

The development of technology-driven treatments for rare diseases has significantly boosted the market for Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment. Recent development in the drug development and growing number of drug in the clinical trial, focus on technological and biological advances drive the market of Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment in the near future.

New technology and treatment with intravenous antibiotics option and development of new therapy will drive the market of intently modulated radiation therapy. Increasing prevalence of chronic disease and increase level of awareness for the rare disease also drive the market in the forecast period.

Because of the increased number of cases of type I necrotizing fasciitis, type I accounts for the largest revenue share. Due to the increasing number of hospital pharmacies during the forecast period, hospital pharmacies account for the largest revenue share by end user.

Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment: Region-wise Outlook

The North America market for Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment Market holds the largest revenue share, due to rising awareness on the diagnosis as well treatment of rare disease. Increasing disease related to bacterial infection and increasing research and development for new drug and treatment drive the market of North America.

Because of the rising prevalence of chronic diseases such as cancer, diabetes, and infections, Europe has the second largest revenue share in the global necrotizing fasciitis treatment market. Asia Pacific is expected to witness rapid growth in the necrotizing fasciitis treatment market, due to government funding for rare disease and clinical trials and high prevalence of chronic diseases and developing healthcare infrastructure in countries such as India.

For More Information: https://www.futuremarketinsights.com/reports/necrotizing-fasciitis-treatment-market

China is expected to experience significant growth as a result of increased awareness of bacterial infection and the development of new treatment options. Latin America and Middle East & Africa are projected to exhibit slow growth in Necrotizing Fasciitis Treatment Market, owing to lack of awareness and limited treatment facilities and less developed healthcare infrastructure.