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the-holy-ghosted · 11 months

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*holding out my hands completely unbidden and unprompted*

Hey I heard y’all got ocs in here? Ocs hello?? Hot ocs in my area????

hi im gonna pretend i didnt get this asked to me by somebody else before i clicked a wrong button and tumblr erased the whole post. taking this unbiased opportunity to jump into these characters.

i have had these ocs for upwards of 7 or 8 years, who went untouched for a VERY long time before getting picked back up and refurbished as of about 2 years ago. it is with MUCH pride i tell you that they intertwine very deeply with a friend's own ocs (YOU!! WHO SENT THIS!!) and they've helped me build up these characters into something i'm incredibly proud of and ought to share by now

without further adieu: some pirates, some 19th century fantasy (a LOT of fucking fantasy), and like 8 years worth of worldbuilding that i am STILL not done with. enjoy

FIRST of all let me show you who we're working with:

Who the hell is that?

Leo Blackwater (he/him) - 56 yrs, 5'6'', 152 lbs

Captain of the ship The Eclipse.

Widower of 19 years. only recently decided to open his heart back up; she wanted him to be happy, after all. She's a sensitive topic, even now. so any prodding or teasing on the matter of moving on will be met violently.

Bounty hunter. Smuggler. Doing pirate things, you see. Polite old dad, a warm personality to lure you into a false sense of security and turn you in for a pretty penny.

Disabled after a beam cracked and landed on his knee, breaking it. It never healed right, and hes slower for it, especially in old age. Despite this handicap making him more vulnerable, he does not carry much in the way of weapons.

Eldest of 6 siblings. Son of a humble small town fisherman; perhaps not all that glad for his son's criminality, but the money he sends home makes it forgiven.

Father of one, a daughter, captain of her own ship.

Formed his love for the sea at 18 on his father's fishing boat. Never much respect for the Navy proper. But, after being in the right place at the right time and earning the reward money for a highly wanted pirate, he started to get ideas...

Percius (Percy) Blackwater (they/them) - 48 yrs, 5'10'', 150 lbs

Younger sibling of Leo. 3rd child of 6.

Takes up a number of jobs on Eclipse. Took up the role of second in command after the passing of Mrs. Blackwater.

Respects and trusts their brother's choice in livelihood. Begged since they were young to let them sail with him. Didn't realize what it entailed until they were already aboard.

Unmarried. They're a bit busy right now.

Willing to be called uncle by their beloved niece, for lack of a better word.

Betelgeuse Blackwater (she/her) - 30 yrs, 6'5'', 240 lbs

Captain of The Starlight, all-female crew.

Bounty hunter. Smuggler. Learned her way of living from her parents.

Inherited her face and density from her father, nothing else. Prone to brute force rather than wit and cunning. This works for her just fine.

Quite awkward, if she likes you.

Eldest (and favorite) grandchild, an only child, a totally different woman if you see her around family. Towers over father, but makes herself small for a kiss hello.

Was only about 7 or 8 when her mother passed. She remembers what little she has of her fondly, and greets her kindly when she looks in a mirror.

So whats going on?

What a funny question!!! I got no clue. But I'll start by explaining a little worldbuilding lore (cringe explination incoming):

There is magic in this universe. Not one that's denied or marveled at, but exists as much as everything else you dont pay attention to around you. Its as real as gravity. It's a honed skill in some, frowned upon by others, used unwisely by a small (but not unheard of) few. Magic makes itself present in a number of ways; it's hard to find written rules of these things unless you know precisely what you want and what you believe in. In many areas, some small towns appear to be protected by nameless elements and energies. It's more often that you find individuals who put in the work to harness their beliefs into something tangible, all calling their faiths and abilities something different from each other. Again, its not unheard of for individuals to use these abilities for their own poor intentions. If someone like Leo is lucky, bagging a Magic user is worth every ounce of hassle it takes. He seems to get away with feats like this often, though port authority fears him enough not to ask how. The Blackwaters won't admit foul play, though, if you're in the right town listening to the right gossip, you might hear a rumor or two about Betelgeuse's warm touch and a spitfire attitude when shes angry.

So whats up with Leo?

hehehehe.

As aforementioned, Leo has recently made himself a bachelor. He has no shortage of acquaintances and colleagues in his line of business. His demeanor, if you trust it, is very welcoming to new colleagues. He's not looking for something to jump too quickly into, he's happy to take things slow as he navigates romance again after so long.

And then he captures Roark.

Roark Renshaw (he/him) - 68 yrs, 6'6'', 250 lbs (CREATION OF @skelelephant)

World's worst man.

Captain of The Red Hound, took this position by force at the age of 21. The crew that remained after his mutiny had naught the will to defy him, choosing to follow out of curiosity more than anything else afterward.

Professional menace. High-seas whore. Good old fashioned murderer, committer of pirate crimes as you'd imagine. Terribly smug about it.

Unknown origin, unknown motive. He cropped up out of thin air and has made himself a name to be feared ever since, doing a service to the red flag The Hound flies.

For all his force, he is not one easily captured. For all his reputation, he is reckless. He caught Leo at a bad time, unfortunately.

Roark is a household name among most port towns, wanted dead or alive for the better half of his life by the Navy. His nature is not unlike that of a rabid dog, compared often to his ship's namesake. It is a state of being that none have been able to tame him out of, not by any rotating carousel of lovers he finds among port towns or the enemies he finds in equal amount, and one that gives the bounty over his head a lot of zeros. One that Leo, for all his skill, saw as a pipe dream. Leo knew of him, certainly. Roark has been on his radar since before his wife's passing- they'd spoken of capturing him fondly, joked about like some impossible fantasy. But for all his reputation comes bad habits that lower his guard when he needs it most. Stumbling drunkenly out of a tavern one evening, docked unknowingly at the same port as The Eclipse, he is disarmed and captured before he knows it.

This is a victory unheard of. It seems only fitting that Leo Blackwater would bag him, Roark having not expected to meet his match in such a mild man. Before the crew of The Hound have enough notice, Eclipse sails off to deposit the dog that is Roark Renshaw to the navy for a glorious execution, and an even more glorious reward. Leo has the gall to boast this to his prisoner, who seems almost humored. Hes quite charming when hes disarmed, a feature of his that seeps into the cracks of Leo's resolve and that itch the loneliness that he had yet to satisfy. Hes dangerous even with his hands tied.

This is what solidifies Leo's decision to turn him in. A man who so loved to be chased and so loved the rotten attention he recieved, who needed to be put down. It was a thrill, though, to capture the hound himself and be one of few to ever do so. To be revered as Roarks captor would make one want to do it all over again.

By luck or by the hunger for chase that gnawed on Roark and Leo's ribs, Roark finds the moment to escape as hes being escorted off the ship. Leo, notably, makes a piss poor attempt at catching him.

Seen as a dire fluke from the outside, the captains know it was on purpose. They've found themselves amidst a game of cat and mouse, that gives them a small purpose for at least a little while. You bond very closely when trying to kill each other, you know!

So what's their deal?

Well, their deal is that they *make* a deal.

Though Roark might be a big fish in their career pond, he is not the only one. Eventually, always eventually, there is another to challenge Roark's reputation. He wants the pirate out of his way, and Leo could always use another bounty. But hes slippery... moreso than Roark, who lets himself into Leo's jaws on purpose.

So... an alliance is formed. Temporary, of course, they split this bounty and part ways. So they say. But Roark is a charming man, and fulfills the loneliness and search for companionship that Leo wanted... and Leo is collected and steady, more than the majority of Roark's colleagues. They stand out to each other. They're comfortable. Attached.

So... after the bounty is collected they choose not to end their truce. Spend more time together. Work together exceptionally well. Balance each other out, in a way.

So they're together?

GAY AS CAN BE, BABY.

probably the only existing drawing of them Together despite how much we both draw them seperately.

Their alliance spills over into something... fond. Affectionate, even. A few meetups at a port town turn into a lot more working together peacefully. This leads to some... interesting wires to cross between their own respective enemies, interesting wires between one another. They get to know each other very personally in some strenuous circumstances.

Anyways! Now that they're on the table, I feel a little more comfortable to talk about them more. Draw them more. Answer some questions, if anybody has any. I did leave a lot open-ended...

#the heron giveth #the heron speaketh #the heron heareth #trifecta just for good measure #the heron's ocs #i guess thatll be my oc tag now #ANYWAYS. HIIIIIII hes been a long time coming mr blackwater sir #and his darling normal family #worked for a couple days on this i guess its as good as an introduction can get. i can always post more lore and drawings later #would be suuuuuch a shame if people sent me asks. about them. asking quastions. so i can post more about them #and for the love of GOD eveyrbody give erin some attention for roark hes my FAVORITEST BOY. IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD #and erin is my favoritest canadian in the whole wide world. which means they deserve all the attention they can get #im very glad to see leo's progress over being a minor villain in a different overarching story to like. his own little guy. hes a guy now #hes so important to me. put so much of myself in him. i love him so much i hope others will too

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ultramarine-spirit · 1 year

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In the novel, Athy's debut dress is described as white with long sleeves and the skirts made it look like a rose (? I think she was also wearing rubies but I don't remember very well anymore

Don't you have reference photos of what the dress was like? The translation I read is very strange lol

Athy's debutante dress is described to be pretty different in the novel! It was a pure white dress, that seemed to bloom like a flower at the bottom. It also had embedded jewelry and a tulle ribbon tied around the waist, and it had sleeves, it wasn’t sleeveless like the manhwa's. So the translation you read looks accurate. Here is @lithi 's complete translation of how the dress looked like!

I don't have any reference pictures of that dress specifically, sorry. And as far as I know, there's no novel-accurate fanart of the debutante. We'll have to use our imagination.

The thing about debutante balls that... no manhwa seems to get right is that, they weren't just fancy balls to introduce noble girls to high society. They were that in part, yes, but most importantly, they had the purpose of serve as the occasion for young girls of marriageable age (for the time period) to find a husband.

So the balls had a pretty strict dress-code. All debutantes had to wear white (though shades of ivory and pink were acceptable), the dresses were strictly floor-length and with a long train, though the sleeves were short. Long white gloves were also very common. The hair had to be done in an up-do with a veil attached to it, decorated with three ostrich feathers. As for jewelry, pearls were the more common option.

Some details could change depending on the time period, but those were the basics. So no colorful gowns, loose hair, short dresses or stuff like that.

Totally different vibes, even though that debutante dress is pretty modern. But it looks... like a wedding dress.

I was surprised to see that the novel's debutante was actually pretty historically accurate. My guess is that Spoon felt the novel's dress was too bridal, so she changed it to the iconic dress we all know (I've seen people say it feels too "homecoming", teenager ball, but debutantes were kind of just that lol). The part about the dress resembling a blooming rose was kept, but Spoon added the pink details, flowers and patterns, shortened the length and made the dress sleeveless (and gave Athy a tiara! Apparently only married women could wore those at debutantes in real life).

I quite like it. I think the choice was also to better reflect Athy's fashion sense and make her stand out compared to the other debutantes. Athy's dresses are always lovely and elegant, but she uses way more colors, patterns, short sleeves and hems compared to the rest of the girls. I think it suits her free spirit!

And yeah, it would have been kind of weird to see all the girls dressed as brides in the debutante lmfao...

#this is a very interesting topic tbh #im fascinated by how korean writers take elements from western high society but just kinda... change them a lot LMAO #same with emperors/kings having concubines. That was very much not a thing in the west. But it was in some eastern societies #super off-topic but a thing some western readers don't think about is that. despite the western setting of most otome isekai manhwas #they very much reflect korean values and ideas (duh the authors are korean). So i.e. you have readers not understanding FLs #that put a lot of importance on family. i think its important to be aware of the bias one may have as a reader regarding such things #anywaaaays lets tag this #who made me a princess #i suddenly became a princess #suddenly became a princess one day #wmmap #sbapod #sbap #athanasia de alger obelia #athanasia #athy #wmmap fashion #wmmap novel

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clownattack · 3 months

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I aced my thesis defence with merits and I WILL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT (once i had my little rest) tm

#WHAT I WILL SAY NOW IS #i got max score on every single part #so like #written / project / defence itself #and they also decided they are giving me merits YAY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #THIS IS LIKE #KIND OF SPECIAL #bcs i passed my entry exams with merits also and it came with a fun little ceremony in a fancy lecture hall #so im lowkey hoping ill be invited to a fancy ceremony again to close this stage off <3 #im very happy and ngl proud of myself #its a giant bow wrapping up my academic career so far #I WANT MY /I HAVE A PhD/ SHIRT!!!!!!!!!#i was so stressed and it feels so good to have everyone agree that i did REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND DISPEL MY DOUBTS #i was literally told the amount of work i put out is like three thesis' worth and its the best theyve seen in a long while #?????????#fuck my mind demons fr always telling me i dont do enough #that realization only came to me after the fact #also my reviewer absolutely ate my little ass #i dont even think i deserve it LMAO but im glad she liked it and gave me an amazing review!!!!!!#im just!!! SO HAPPY #SORRY IF I COME OFF LIKE IM BRAGGING BUT THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME FR. AND TBH I THINK IF I EVEN HAVE THE REASON TO BRAG IT WOULD BE #ABOUT THIS LIFE EVENT #I want to make a post abt this on my art blog ngl #uni #also gonna tag this as #iykyk #because im petty like that <3 #i wonder what people who called me names excelled at recently lol #i wish myself a lot of thriving while they continue wilting

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courfee · 2 months

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just went through all my ao3 fics and edited all the tags because i feel like i overtag a lot and it always bothered me. tbf the most overtagging happens in my relationship/character tags but i find it super difficult to judge who/which relationship is important. like friendships are So Important in my fics i dont feel like i cant tag less there? especially my longer fics. amtc james&sirius and black brothers are in my mind at least if not more important than literally amtc jegulus. i know its a jegulus fic but also jegulus is just the catalyst for other relationship dynamics. how do you tag that stuff

#honestly same with operation wanker #i finally put the wolfstar tag at the end of the relationship list #because genuinely when i first wrote the fic i debated leaving that out completely because i just do not focus on them At All #but considering theyre the very reason for the whole fic i couldnt not tag them #but james and sirius in operation wanker are as important to me as jegulus #and they go through a similar plot line of developing and changing so ?? yk???#idk how to tag i am really bad at it honestly #as you can tell i have exam season #hence me doing anything but the things i should be doing #hp #fic rant #i need a tag for general ramblings #i did take out a lot of character tags in a lot of my fics #like in some of them i literally now have a relationship tag but not the character tag which im also still not sure at #like on lies and spies still has the peter&marlene tag but it doesnt have a marlene tag anymore #and im still debating if i should also take the relationship tag out but also its important for peters actions??? idkkk man i am bad at thi #took out a lot of tags from amtc because i just felt it was too long overall #like i do think they were not completely unimportant but it was such a wall of text i felt a bit overwhelmed #tagging fics where its literally just 2 characters and theyre romantically/sexually involved is so much easier #like on high delight the tags make perfect sense because its very obvious what the focus is on #but i so seldomly write fics that are confined to just a ship (/) dynamic #maybe this is my arospec that ive been eyeing for the past 10 years and keep ignoring showing #i just care about writing relationships (&) so much more honestly #ok thats actually a lie im not tooo good with just platonic fics but i like writing romantic stuff in the context of friendgroups #i like characters having to keep secrets from the people they usually tell evrything to #love exploring characters finding out they have friendship boundaries they previously didnt know about #love writing about trust and and conflicting feelings and having to make choices #also lmao very iconic of me to have 5km of tags on a post of me saying i am prone to overtagging. really proving my own point here

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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months

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i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately

#art #i'll be yapping in the tags #its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually #ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear #“oh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymore”. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic #in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that #but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess #we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen #i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live #but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean #the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet #it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before #i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs #the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze #now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of #im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it #because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment #i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes #i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then #i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it #perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills #and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain #perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing #one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck #but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane #next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century #thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye #i made a typo in the word “sertraline” but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft

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bloodanddiscoballs · 1 year

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Kim is a,fascist

are you stupid

#actually you perfectly articulated why i believe tumblr DE fans to be incredibly annoying and foolish #like im gonna explain more on this here in the tags #this is what i mean by the fact that i think not everyone should play this game #its a very complicated story and it requires you to really pick things apart and pay attention #and have really in depth uncomfortable conversations #many of those being political #its not an easy game to dive into and it takes a shitton of concentration and the willingness to put yourself in a space where youre ok wit #having really uncomfortable discussions and challenging your world view #and if you are not used to doing so without having basic kneejerk reactions to things and are someone who just doesnt allow themselves to #STOP AND FUCKING THINK #then DE is not going to be a game that will have any impact upon you #like yeah its got funny moments and people love to call it the funny communism game #but that is seriously such a pathetic way to look at a story that discusses the EXTREMELY COMPLICATED impact of systematic issues #like its a story that is not American or Western Centric made and that in and of itself is very important #the formation of the RCM is the specific way it is to have complicated conversations #so that one can hopefully avoid making really fucking stupid comments like the one you sent here #which btw reeks of you being American jsyk #anyway if you played this game and this was your take away just block me already #youre not someone who thinks #thats very clear #once you idk actually play the game and wanna have in depth conversations with me lmk #disco elysium

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snow-and-saltea · 7 months

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yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"

#yuu rambles #it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it #concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable #framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does #doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me #but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen #he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke #its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr #normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways #then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone #who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media.#paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol”#those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are #a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride #and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies #it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt #block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily #recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his #video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal #i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first #but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric #i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao #they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on #detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2 #im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary #made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror #and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good!#again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far #i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue...#theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head

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waywardsalt · 6 months

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damien and linebeck have the minor dynamic of damien being a guy who’s pretty well built and has a healthy bit of fat on him and linebeck having the prestigious title of ‘boniest man on the great sea’

#salty talks #damibeck #damien fletcher #linebeck #sure! i need to stop worrying abt putting my oc x canon and other post ph atuff in main tags #anyways. its a fun dynamic in the sense that linebeck generally isnt tooooo interested in sex and doesnt typically get a lot out of it #at least not really touchy feely ‘normal’ sex while damien has more of a sex drive and gets more enjoyment out of it. he likes the bones #but he also has the occasional thought of man it feels like im fucking a redead. anyways. this is important for post ph #cuz like. hes bony partically bc hes iust like thst but primarily bc hes underweight n has food problems. so thats smth they work on w him #so damien’s perspective as smth who enjoys being physical abt linebeck and pays attention to the shape and feeling of his body #is an intimate metric of. through damien holding him by the end of post ph its known that hes at a little bit of a healthier weight #linebeck likes being skinny and generally will stay in that area through how he lives and his preferences genetics and stuff #its just like. hey man. you are skin and bones rn. goal is. healthy weight. and damien holding him is the periodic measurement. yeah?#this is partially why i typically hc him as bein gaunt to the point of emaciated i can have this development n its tied to my hc backstory #the other reason is bc bony guys make me feel like a rabid dog #when my mom and i rewatched arcane a few months back she asked why viktor is my favorite character #and i had to take a minute and come up with an answer that wasnt i feel feral when i can see a man’s ribcage #but anyways under the overarching plot and minor arcs post ph is very much recovery as its personal plot #its a bit inspired by berserk in that way (not explaining itd take a whole but iykyk) so its. linebecks condition is important #his is the most important bc he needs the most work done and hes the most in need of the support group the crew makes up #yeah. anyways linebeck is bony as fuck and damien kinda has a thing for it tho linebecks tailbone is a fucking DAGGER so thats smth for him #slightly similar is body hair comparison- damien doesnt have much the T let him down hes got a lil but not much in post ph #while linebeck is generally pretty hairy and damien also likes that. he sleeps with him like mmmm chest hair and then Bones. im losing it

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heyitslapis · 10 months

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I don't have time for people who don't have time for me

#yes yes i know adult life leaves little room for spending time with people who you care about & even if we have time we're burnt out #but my whole adult life has been white-knuckled clinging to relationships or people that barely if ever send that energy back #as soon as theyre onto the next person that will entertain them. as soon as theyve found something to fill the time that i usually take up #as soon as theyve gotten all they wanted from me emotionally. as soon as its inconvient to see me. almost as soon as theyre bored #then suddenly its me waiting for a text. waiting for a day to hang out. hearing over and over again that yet another thing is more importan #than me. and i get it. life happens. schools important. work is important. rest is important. but at the point im at in my life #im looking for people who actually make an effort not just give months and months of excuses as to why they suddenly cant hang out #im a pushover. im easy-going. im a very understanding person. i get it bc theres also very few days per week that im free to socialize #but i cant keep letting myself act subservient to everyone else in my life. i always put my friends & potential friends so high on pedestal #i treat them & their time as precious. now i refuse to let someone do anything but the same for me. my time/energy/love is just as precious #i dont deserve only a text when you need something from me or just to act as a treat to tide me over until the next transgression #and i certainly am NOT going to be the person that you can stand-up and then expect to still answer your text. not anymore.#in prioritizing my mental health lately ive realized that this pattern HAS TO STOP. i cant allow myself to continue the same harmful cycles #i deserve better. i need better. i WANT BETTER #emma vents #vent tag #healing tag

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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Sorry to keep throwing Miscellaneous Asks your way, but I finally had a moment to get my thoughts in order on one of the points on your Venn diagram I wanted to talk about! I always kind of debate whether or not to send other, semi-unrelated long asks like this when we've already got a chain going, but oh well. I'll try and address anything brought up in response here in the main one and hopefully it doesn't get confusing lol.

So I was thinking about the extent of Jo and Arakawa's relationship. It is completely true there's not much you can say that's concrete, especially since most of what we see is from Jo's perspective. Although his perspective is crucial to forming an understanding of their relationship, it's not sufficient. This is particularly the case because, coming back to giri-ninjo for a moment, Jo is largely bound by giri; it's clear his loyalty runs deep, but it's not a choice for him.

Arakawa, on the other hand, can choose who he places his trust in, especially early on. And I think it's incredibly important that, despite having men who've already been with him from day 1, men who've already been helping him with his son, Arakawa chooses to "place every confidence" in Jo (per an old Famitsu profile, one of the first official ones) and chooses to make Jo his captain.

Similarly, he kind of chooses Jo "over" Ichi in sending Ichi to prison "instead of" Jo. Perhaps the family really would collapse without Jo's talents, but… does it have to collapse entirely? Didn't Arakawa make it pretty far on his own? I guess it's neither here nor there, but I've always wondered if things would've really played out as feared if Jo went to prison instead. Not to understate Jo's role in the family, of course.

Anyway, I think that trust shows not only in overt gestures such as entrusting Masato and the family's finances to Jo, but also in more subtle behind-the-scenes ways, such as what we were talking about before with regard to New Year's 2001. There's also the fact that leaking information to Aoki was Jo's idea; for that to be the case, Arakawa would have to discuss Aoki's threats at length with Jo. (Unrelated, but come to think of it, "complying with him [to] make him see value in keeping us around" is very often the strategy of victims of abuse and neglect…)

And this one's an underrated detail many people miss, but after Arakawa shot Ichi, while he was able to come up to Ichi to tell him he's counting on him and sneak in the fake bill, if the goal was to not arouse suspicion, I don't think he would exactly have been able to excuse himself from the dinner to drive Ichi to Yokohama. Time was of the essence in terms of Ichi's survival, so that leaves Jo, who was conveniently already at the scene and who was certainly in on the "secret rule" that constitutes part of the Arakawa Family's agreement with the homeless camp. Overall, there is a pattern of Arakawa approaching Jo before anyone else, isn't there?

Sort of branching off of that, I would personally feel comfortable saying that Jo knows Arakawa better than anyone else. He seems to know details about Akane and New Year's 1976 no one else does, details Arakawa would have had to volunteer himself, and that plus his own experiences are what allow him alone to have the most complete picture of that night.

I also get the impression Jo understands Arakawa better as a person than anyone else--certainly better than Aoki, but perhaps even better than Ichi in some cases. There are multiple instances where he defends Arakawa and challenges their perceptions of him--that he's "betrayed" the Tojo Clan, that he's betrayed Aoki, that he's the type to scheme and make power-plays behind Aoki's back. He hasn't. And, despite how little Jo's "allowed" to say, he turns out to be right every time. Also worth noting Arakawa does something similar in asking Ichi to try and understand Jo's frustrations, though he's more or less enabling Jo's abuse in doing so.

Lastly, The Smallest Detail that drives me kind of insane. Them arriving at the office in the back seat of the same car in one of Ichi's flashbacks. I wouldn't think too much of it if it were any other time of day, but the first-thing-in-the-morning quality and the fact Jo isn't driving (thus it's not as an act of service but as an equal) is like… Okay. You're carpooling to work. And if you're not carpooling, you're honest-to-god living together. What the hell.

So a lot of it is this web of inferences--it has to be, at least currently--but I really do think there's a lot to chew on. More than meets the eye, anyway. I've also been stewing in all of this for years, especially since drafting Jo's relationships section, so I might just have inhaled the fumes for too long lol

Thank you for coming to me about the nature of their relationship! Although I did put it down as being more-or-less 'uncertain' on my chart, I do agree that their relationship isn't as cut-and-dry as other relationships might be (it's going back to appreciating the complexities of RGG relationships, especially in the case of the Arakawa's where for every party involved it really IS complicated)

I wanted to exclude making any definitive statements on things that couldn't be verified without making a detour on the original post (I know I already mentioned frequently that Arakawa is able to joke about Jo being 'softer' on Masato, but I do think about their relationship often and the implied depth of Jo's loyalty if- as you said- he was able to climb through the ranks of the Arakawa family much quicker than preexisting members), but there are clear points in the game that due allude to a great trust between the two (and I also note that carpooling detail during Ichi's flashback- or at the very least I know I'd find myself noticing Jo sitting in the back opposed to the front/driving). It's definitely not hard to assert that Jo knows Arakawa well either, it's hard not to come to that conclusion when we have evidence from the game to infer that.

#long post #fave #i should prob come up with an actual tag for these asks so i can easily find them and not sift through my other fave'd posts #ill do it in the morning im right about to go to bed but i just saw this pop up on my notifications #and well. we know me i've been presented an itch i have to scratch LMAO #snap chats #i feel a bit silly now- i know that their relationship isn't exactly. 'uncertain' but i didnt want to put that so i didn't appear #hmm.. i dont know the word for it.#i guess because it's not AS blatant as daigo and mine's relationship was #i didnt want to make it appear as though i was saying theres more when there isnt?? tho there definitely is..#its a little evident i Am interested in the depths of their relationship so i promise ive thought about it #maybe i just wasnt sure how to exactly word it.. though in review the way i worded it on my chart #wasn't HORRIBLE. to most standards anyway i think however it definitely undermines the bond they have and for that #'ashamed' is hyperbolic i feel like someone would say so we'll go with 'embarrassed' to meet in the middle #but thats the benefit of peer review isnt it- just to help catch your mistakes or to help reaffirm ideas so im grateful!#but x2 again in review im a silly coward for doubting my gut on that #tho i sort of do want to torch that post- i wont tho. it's not supposed to be SUPER deep just very quick notes #so i guess i'll save the Deep Dive on jo and masumi's relationship for a future post. is what ill tell myself to keep myself sane #thank you for compiling- i suppose i'll call- their moments together !#it's a great way to keep track of every important note on their relationship that i hope people will take note of if they havent

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