#(on the plus side when physicality really IS an option then stori spends the next 3-5 business days. well. making up for lost time.)

[dodo-begone]

Fear for my Lover

Pairing: DSMP!Quackity x Reader

Word count: 2.9k

Warning: Blood, stitches, bruises, injuries, cursing, frontier first aid (sorry if i missed something)

Summary: Life had been busy lately. Very busy. The night was peaceful and you were more than happy to take advantage of the quiet. Even with Quackity there with you. Fate had other plans though and absolutely ruined what would've been an amazing night.

A/n: i,,, this was meant to be SHORT but also- haha i got 2-3 more parts planned brrrrrr. Also used a dialogue prompt thingy for this- you'll see them in there. They're highlighted.

You thought nothing of it when Quackity said that he was going out. Beforehand he told you that he might have to stay late to do some work. You weren’t sure if he had finished or not, but his departure only confirmed the thought that no, he had not finished business.

With a sigh, you walk over to the couch and flop onto it. The exhaustion from the many months of constant work was catching up. You missed how life was before. Even when you were stuck under Schlatt’s rule on Manberg. Yes, it was quite tedious and annoying, but you weren’t completely rebuilding a nation from the ground up along with its citizens.

The physical work of building was tiresome, but something relaxation and a few nights of rest could easily reverse the effects. Though the mental strain was a completely different story. All of the paperwork was tedious and could keep you up at night just because you need to get one more paper done before dawn. Or just knowing that you aren’t able to help everyone in the new L’manberg. So many had given up hope, were tired of the vicious cycle that they had been caught in. It may not have been going on long, but it still had its effect on everyone all the same.

So much work and so little recreational time. There was little time to care for oneself with so much work on their plate. Let alone spend time with your loved ones. Even if they lived in the same house as you. It felt alienating when you weren’t able to even have a small conversation with your significant other.

Your thoughts were deafeningly loud. Sometimes even covering each other when they brought up memories of anxieties of the past and future. That’s why it was rather surprising when the entire L’manberg cabinet ran through your front door in a frenzy. Jumping off of the couch, you try to survey the situation. What in Pime’s name could be going on?

Their hysterical cacophony of voices were all that reached your ears. You didn’t even need to hear their words when you saw Quackity’s limp body in Fundy’s arms.

Without a second thought, you push your way over to Fundy and Quackity, quickly searching him for injuries. Well, the injuries part was pretty obvious with all of the blood. But the extent of the injuries were another story. What could be going on? How bad was it? Oh Prime, why was there so much blood?

In the frenzy you must’ve said something because something happened. One moment you are near the entrance with your beloved in the arms of his co-worker and the next you’re tending to his wounds in your shared bed. Nobody else was in the room. It was just you and Quackity. Your Quackity. And a bowl of water and a small stack of wash clothes and towels.

Your hands quacked from both worry and the sobs you were desperately holding back. Something was stabbing the interior of your throat as it closed from the overwhelming emotions that filled your body.

What terrified you was that Quackity wasn’t completely unconscious. He definitely wasn’t completely there but he was still awake and babbling. More muttering because of how frail and faint his voice was, but it was still a bunch of nonsense. How you wished to know what he was saying, what he was thinking. Now wasn’t the time, but you feared that if you didn’t know now that he’d never tell you. Shit hit the fan and he came back like this. Either his pride or his desire to “protect” you would keep him from spilling the tea. This was your only chance.

All you were able to do was open your mouth before Quackity was making this harder. He was extremely weak from the blood loss and you were in a race against time to stop the river of blood that just seemed to flow freely from his wounds. You had been holding his bigger wounds tightly, trying to put as much pressure as you could to slow the blood loss or stop it completely. Each attempt to settle Quackity only leads to him resisting more, weakly fighting you to get up. Soon his behavior had gone on for too long, in your humble opinion, and he was still as stubborn as he was in the beginning.

With what little common sense you had left in your nearly hysterical state, you tried to reason with him. “Quackity,” you pleaded, still trying to gently push him back onto the bed so he was laying. “Please lay down, Duckie. It’s for your own good. Just let me bandage you up and I’ll leave you alone. Okay?”

From an outsider’s perspective, the attempt was silly. It really wouldn’t have gotten much of a reaction from your confused lover. And yet you still tried anyway, hoping that anything would help at this point. You were desperate.

His silence spoke volumes. In some stroke of luck, Quackity heard your words. That or he became too tired to fight and “speak”. Either way, you were taking what you could get. It was a victory and your goal was reached. Without much, if any fight at all, you managed to get Quackity back into bed and went back to patching up his wounds.

They were much worse than you hoped. Your wish that it was a smaller wound with a ton of blood oozing out was swiftly dashed when you started to clean up the blood from its source. Well, more accurately from anywhere and cleaning until you found the source. Although a bad idea, you had patched up his smaller, easy to access wounds. Though you couldn’t dodge the challenge that stood before you, glaring at you from Quackity’s face.

Petechiae, scratches, and bruises also decorated his face in a hideous manner. The centerpiece of it all was a large scar that traveled from his lip to his eye, all on the left side, was the most obvious wound. The others could heal on their own, but that cut, could you even call it a cut, was in dire need of assistance. It was probably already infected and trying to heal itself. But it was too big, too wide to heal naturally. Intervention was needed and it was needed stat!

Blankly you stare at his face, mind running a mile a minute trying to think of remedies and solutions. Sadly there weren’t many options available. Ponk was too far away to call for his medical expertise, not even considering how late it was. Would he even still be awake? Let alone awake enough to do stitches? You could wait till morning but who knows what condition Quackity would be in at dawn. Something had to be done and it had to be done now. Only one plausible solution remained and it definitely wasn’t pleasant.

Swiftly you leave Quackity, moving out of the room as quickly as you could. Quackity tried to reach out to you but just missed your sleeve. Though you didn’t notice or know. You had things to get done and to get them done you needed equipment. Desperately you search around the house, pulling out anything you’d need. More clean towels, a bowl of clean water since the one you had been using was more than dirtied and the towels absolutely soiled. Placing them half-hazardly on a flat surface, you scurried around to find the other necessary equipment. After having to catch your sewing tin and lighter from falling a few times, you grab everything you previously gathered and make your treacherous journey back to Quackity.

When you return, he’s once again sitting up in bed. Weakly, mind you, as he fell back onto the mattress at the sight of you. You wished to scold him for going against what you asked of him, but it didn’t matter now. With no time to waste, you dump your supplies onto the nightstand and fumble around, trying to get everything prepared.

As nimbly as your shaky hands could spare, you set up your thread and needle as if you were going to start sewing a gorgeous design into a quilt. You stared at the bowl of water you had, debating whether or not to use your sad little lighter to heat up that big ole bowl… it’s better if you didn’t. Other than being faster, how much better would it be for sanitizing the needle? It’d take ages to get the water boiling and even then it might not be enough. A flame straight out of a lighter? Seemed better. It got the job done quicker and would be warmer than the boiling water so it was going to kill more bacteria and germ than the boiling water. That’s what you hoped, at least. This is why you aren’t a medic.

Shakily, you ignite the lighter and hold the needle to the flame, slowly rotating it to equally distribute the heat. As tedious and anxiety inducing as it was, it would be worth it in the end. The stitch is only temporary until you can get Ponk to come over, hopefully by early tomorrow. Or later today? What time even was it- Snap out of it! This isn’t the time to be doing this!

You didn’t know how hot the needle had to be to be considered “sanitized” but you had waited long enough. At least that’s what it felt like. Plus the part of the needle you’re holding is getting pretty hot.

When you go in for the first suture, the hiss of pain before you even punctured the skin was a good indicator to you. Not that he was awake enough to still be actively feeling things, but to be able to vocally express his pain and that the needle was hot enough to probably kill most bacteria and germs if it hurt to touch. Hesitation is making you its bitch, holding you still and making you contemplate if what you’re doing is right. Of course what you’re doing is right. It has to be. It’s one of the best and only options you have.

Before you did anything else, you grabbed one of the towels and rolled it up. Gently you pried his mouth open and placed it in like a gag. He wasn’t going to be able to grip much and he’d be grinding his teeth together from pain. Previous experience with stitches and similar frontier medical procedures has taught you one thing; having a gag to bite on helps every part. The patient gets a way to release their pain and the “doctor” is less likely to be hurt by the patient since the patient will have something else to focus on hurting. It doesn’t work entirely but it’s better than hearing the unmuffled screams of agony and feels better to have something to grip onto as hard as you can.

After getting him situated, you position yourself again. With a deep breath, you start off the first suture. Quackity’s muffled scream was heartbreaking yet shocking. Even with you expecting it, it still spooked you a bit. But everything was okay. This was for the best. And then you continued on. Slowly you added stitch after stitch after stitch until you thought you did enough. Really it was a combination of “this is adequate” and “i’m too anxious to keep going because what if i mess up”. Without anesthetics, it was just horrific for both parties to go through with this endeavor. He was moving around so much, trying to twist and turn away from the pain being done to him. His movements were so often and large enough to make you nervous about going near his eyes. What if you poked it out? Or made him blind?

Looking back at the stitches and what they held together, it was obvious that his eyesight was going to be impaired from now on. His eyes were looking completely different from each other now. The regular on the right and the horrific product of whatever he did on his left. A white film covered his eyes like a snow blanket. He was now blind in that eye or going blind.

Realistically, he was going blind but you still held out for the unrealistic hope that he’d be almost entirely okay afterwards. You knew it was unrealistic, but you still hoped.

You Quackity didn’t deserve this.

Once you have cleaned up the mess you made, you start to pack everything up. Needle in the bowl to be cleaned, remaining threat back into the tin, bowls moved away from where they’d get bumped and dumped. Slowly and methodically you finish your tasks. The adrenaline of the night is slowly leaving your body and exhaustion is once again taking hold of you. Oh how you hated that. Absolutely despised the feeling.

After everything was to your liking, you go to check on Quackity again before you leave to give and get some silent rest for the two of you. It’s the least you could do for him after all of this.

He seemed comfortable after everything, peaceful in fact. It was such a calming sight and it eased your guilt of hurting him. Everything you did was for the greater good, you mentally remind yourself. It was to help prevent further infection and it was only temporary. Until you could get proper help for him.

Without much thought, you sit by the bed and lay your head upon it. So much blood got onto the blankets and the sheets. You’d need to clean that quickly. After Quackity gets help and is moved or can be moved, that is. Which would hopefully be tomorrow. Slowly you start to doze off. Or was it zoning out? Either or you were slowly calming down further. To the point where you almost fell asleep.

Jolting awake, you begrudgingly haul yourself off the floor and start your long and tiring journey to the living room. The couch was comfier than the floor, after all. No matter how much you wanted to sleep by Quackity.

Your dawdling is stopped by something on your sleeve. At first you think your sleeve got caught on something so you tug in hopes of being untangled from said object. Nothing happens so you just tug harder. But still nothing happens. Eventually your little tug of war becomes too annoying and has been prolonged enough. You whirl around to see what in Prime’s name you could be caught on.

Low and behold it was the man of the hour, surprisingly. Quackity had grabbed onto your sleeve and just held you there. Confused, you walk back to the bed and sit, holding his face and inspecting for any new signs of pain. Anything that would show that he was feeling something different, something worse. You hoped that he wasn’t feeling like that, but it was a naive hope. Wounds were not an unfamiliar concept to you and yet you’d always hope for such fantastical things to the point where it was odd.

In return for you holding his face, he went to gently hold yours. A soft smile makes an appearance upon your face after the action.

“How’re you feeling, Ducking,” you whisper. Silence once again makes its presence known and it’s very loud and obnoxious about it. “Sorry. I know you’re in a lot of pain. That was stupid of me to ask.”

Quackity chuckles at your slip up and you’re more than happy to join him. Slowly your chuckling drowned out by the silence that had obnoxiously told you how wrong you were to ask your beloved if he was in pain when it was more than obvious that he was, indeed, in pain. You take a deep breath and release a sigh.

“You need to sleep. It’ll help with the healing and hopefully with the pain until tomorrow. I plan on calling Ponk to do some actual doctor shit on you because Prime knows how amazing my skills are.” Once again you attempt to leave Quackity to sleep, but stopped by his grip on your sleeve.

“Please,” he rasped. God his voice was so hoarse after everything. You felt terrible as you were part of the cause and yet you couldn’t do anything nor bring yourself to feel too bad. It was all for the greater good, after all. For his health.

“Please what?”

“Please stay with me,” he begged, looking straight into your eyes with his only working one. The sight was pitiful. Such a prideful man who could do so much left in such a weakened state. You hated seeing him like this. Nobody liked seeing their loved ones in a position like that. And how could you deny him that request, especially with what he went through tonight. You still didn’t know what it was but the aftermath was horrific enough to give a small clue as to what happened.

“Of course,” you reply, smiling warmly and climbing into bed with him. The moment you’re under the blankets and sheets, he gently pulls you into a hug. For his or your sake, you’re unsure. You hope that it’s his though. “Anything for my Duckie.”

[melancholyshadow]

a monday in new york city || b. barnes

one & two 

summary: another date with bucky, but this time its in new york city with some familar faces. 

pairing: bucky barnes x female!librarian!reader

warnings: some ANNOYING as cliches that i just love, swearing 

an: okay so i know its been a week, but hey i’ve been busy! this series is going to have one more part! and it’s going to be spicy, but that is gonna take awhile because it takes a lot for me to write spicy stuff. also, this series doesn’t take place in a specific part of the mcu timeline, i just pick the characters i want and throw them together. the next part of my steve series should be out soon, like within the next couple days! enjoy!!! <3

“You should meet me in New York City tomorrow.” 

You and Bucky were talking on the phone, no Facetime or Skype, because this man still had a flip phone. After knowing about his history, this did not surprise you. Funnily enough, you didn’t actually know he had a phone until about two weeks ago. You proceeded to laugh at him for about thirty minutes when he pulled out the phone. It had been almost three months since he walked into your library for the first time. And the two of you had spent nearly everyday together, of course, except for those days he was gone on ‘obligations.’ 

“Like a date?” You asked, rolling onto your stomach, and moving the phone from between your ear and shoulder and onto your pillow. You heard him chuckle, and your cheeks warmed up. “We could call it that.” It was a Sunday night, and tomorrow was a holiday so the library would be closed, and for once, you had a day off. And you were over the moon about spending it with Bucky. 

“What do you have in mind?” You said, propping your head up on the palms of your hands. “Well, before I ask you, promise me you won’t freak out.” This peaked your interest. “Well what is it?” You pushed, “Promise me, first.” He was being stubborn. “Fine.” You sighed. “Well, the Starks are throwing a party tomorrow night…” He started, The Starks..? Like Tony and Pepper Stark? “...for our little group and some S.H.I.E.L.D agents, and he said I had a plus one, so of course, I want to take you.”

You were speechless, and you could feel the nerves creeping up from your stomach, all the way up to your throat. “Hello?” He asked, making sure you were still there. “Yeah, yeah, I’m still here. Just processing.” You muttered, now completely sat up in your bed. There were a few more moments of silence, then you spoke. “So you want me to go to a party thrown by Tony and Pepper Stark, and not only that, but a Stark party that will be mostly all your superhero friends?” You asked more rhetorically than anything else. “Yes.” He said confidently, which for a moment made your nerves waiver, but only for a couple seconds. 

“If it’s any consolation, I really want you to come, and everyone really wants to meet you.” Everyone? Who is ‘everyone’..? Like the Avengers? They knew about you? Holy shit. You couldn’t think about that right now though. You broke it down in your head, trying to simplify it. Bucky really wanted you to go, and you really didn’t have a reason to say no, other than being very anxious about the whole thing. “You know what, sure.” You were finally able to get out the words. “Wait, really?” He asked excitedly. That made you feel good, that he was so excited for you to meet his friends. 

He gave you all the details, adding to the nerves creeping up your throat. “I’m gonna get some sleep.” Bucky muttered at around 11, which was late for him. “I probably should too.” You said with a yawn. “Goodnight, Doll.” He said in a raspy tone, followed by him yawning as well. “Goodnight, Buck.” You said sleepily, about to hang up the phone, but then he spoke again. “And doll, I promise you won’t regret saying yes.” And with that, the phone line went dead. 

It was a restless night, you tossed and turned for a couple hours, thinking about all the ways you could fuck up on this date. The last time you checked the clock it was just after one in the morning. When you did finally wake up, the sun was beaming straight into your bedroom. Warming up the room around you, you felt a thin layer of sweat covering your body, but that honestly could have been from the nerves. The first thing you did was grab your phone, and check if you had any text from Bucky, and you did. 

It was a simple ‘good morning, doll,’ the same text he’s sent you every morning since you guys traded phone numbers. You sent him a similar text back, and rubbed the remaining sleep from your eyes. After contemplating staying in bed for awhile longer, you decided against it and figured you could start the day, as it was already almost ten in the morning. 

After a warm shower, which consisted mostly of shaving and washing your hair, you decided to make a quick breakfast. While you ate, you contemplated on what to wear. Bucky said it was more on the fancier side. You had a couple ‘fancier’ options, but not a closet full. Breakfast was done and dishes were clean, so now it was time to try on all your options. By the end of you trying on almost everything in your closet, you decided to keep it simple but elegant. It was a black satin slip dress that fell right above your knee, and the shoes were a pop of color and definitely brought the outfit together. 

As you pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, you felt those same nerves creeping up the back of your throat. The lot was full of cars, but you were able to get a spot closer to the front. This party looked like a lot more than a ‘little group and some S.H.I.E.L.D agents.’ After sending Bucky an ‘I’m here’ text, you gathered your phone and some little extras into your clutch. While you did some last minute touches and repositioning of your hair in your rear-view mirror, there was a small knock on your driver-side window, making your entire body jump, head snapping towards the noise. 

Your eyes landed on Bucky, who was practically doubled over on laughter. After getting in a good laugh, he pulled open your door, giving you a hand to step out more smoothly, which you swatted away and rolled your eyes at him. Once he got a good look at you, his face shifted. The dress you wore accentuate parts of your body that your everyday clothes certainly did

not. And you were not the only one who noticed. You could feel Bucky’s eyes on your as you walked in front of him to navigate through some of the cars. 

Once there was enough room for both of you to walk side-by-side, you felt his metal hand slide along your lower back, coming to rest on your furthest hip. His fingers rested on your hip bone, with each step you took, his hand followed the curve, giving it a small squeeze. “You look amazing, doll.” He whispered into your ear, making a layer of goosebumps cover your arms. “So do you, Buck.”

You were glad you wore black, because of course, so did Bucky. He wore a black undershirt, with a black blazer with leather lapels, and of course black dress pants. The two of you looked like a pair, which you liked. The two of you approached the front door of the hotel, pulling his arm away from your body, making you feel empty. He whisked the door open for you, letting you walk in before him.

The lobby was pretty empty, just a receptionist and a couple security guards standing around. You could hear talking and laughter from behind a couple pairs of closed doors. You followed Bucky towards one of the security guards, who was standing in front of one of the sets of doors.  “She’s with me.” He explained, as the two of you approached him. Those words made you giddy, and you smiled at the man. “Alright, Sergeant Barnes.” The guard said, pushing the door open for both of you. 

“Oh, Sergeant Barnes, huh?” You joked, wrapping one of your arms around his metal bicep. He tensed up a bit, but then laughed, “I like the way you say that.” Then added a wink. You looked away from Bucky, and towards the crowded, very crowded, room. Bucky definitely underestimated the amount of people would be here, but it was a Stark party after all, so you weren’t surprised. Bucky and you walked towards the bar, taking a seat, which you were thankful for, your feet already killing you. 

The two of you spoke for awhile, sipping on your drinks. You weren’t sure why Bucky drank, since he physically could not get drunk. But if the drinks were free, you would be drinking too. “Hey Buck, there you are.” A man approached you two, placing a hand on Bucky’s back. Both of you turned your head, eyes landing on a familiar face. “You must be (Y/M/N).” He smiled, sticking a hand out for you to shake, so you did so. “Hello, Steve.” You matched his smile. 

After the three of you bantered back and forth for a few moments, Steve spoke again, “Well if you two want to join us, most of us are sitting on the other side of the bar.” He explained pointing to the side of the room. Following the direction of his fingers, you saw a group of some more familiar faces. You knew most of their faces from news articles, but knew their names from Buck’s stories. It was Natasha, Bruce, and Wanda. “Wanna go?” You heard Bucky ask you, placing a hand on your knee. “Of course!” You said, perking up. Going over there was the last thing you wanted to do, because you already knew this was going to be awkward. 

Steve led as Bucky followed him through the crowd, pulling you by your hand. Maneuvering through the people, ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me’ passing your lips every so often. “I’m back…” Steve said, “...and I brought friends.” His use of the endearing term ‘friend,’ made you lighten up a bit. After some, not so awkward, introductions, they all started talking, and you happily listened. Your stories could never match up to any of theirs, so you didn’t even try. “Do you want another drink?” Bucky asked, noticing your empty glass. “Yeah, sure.” You smiled, he grabbed the glass out of your hands. He left your side, walking to meet the bartender who stood closer to the middle of the bar. 

“So (Y/M/N), has Bucky read every book in your library yet?” Natasha asked, but by the way she emphasized the ‘your’ in her sentence, you couldn’t tell if she was implying an innuendo, but you decided to keep it literal. “Ya’know, he actually tends to stick around the romance section, his favorites are the damsel in distress ones.” You joked, placing the back of your hand on your forehead, closing your eyes like you were fainting. This got a laugh out of the group, making a small bit of confidence grow inside you. “What’re you guys laughing at?” Bucky asked, placing the fresh drink in your hand. “Nothing.” You said, pretending to lock your lips, making the group laugh again.

After a few more drinks, you had stopped feeling so tense and started loosening up. You started talking with Natasha and Wanda, while Buck, still nearby, spoke with Steve and Bruce. The three of you were sharing some of your dating horror stories. That was until the DJ started playing some more upbeat music, Natasha immediately stopped and looked between you and Wanda.

“Do you guys wanna dance?” He asked hopefully, wrapping one of her hands around yours, and Wanda’s, wrist. “Sure!” You exclaimed, which made Wanda agree. The three of you left the bar, making your way to the large dance floor in the middle of the room. There were a good amount of people on the floor, and everyone was in their own worlds. It took you a while to get into it, but when the DJ played a song you knew all the words to, it was over.

The three of you danced in a circle together. You danced similarly to the day Bucky caught you dancing at the library. Eyes shifting from open to closed, hands running up and down your body, hips moving side to side, fingers running through your hair. You felt eyes on you, and you looked towards Bucky. He had a green beer bottle pressed to his lips, not sipping just sitting there, like he was frozen. His eyes followed every curve of your body as it moved. Knowing that he was watching you made you want to move even more, Natasha and Wanda matching your energy level. 

After saying all your goodbyes to everyone, and Natasha drunkenly inviting you to one of her and Wanda’s girls night, Bucky walked you to your car. “You really shouldn’t drive.” He insisted, grabbing the keys you had hanging around your finger. You definitely weren’t drunk, but more like buzzed. “I’m fine.” You insisted, leaning against the side of your car, trying to get any weight off your feet. 

“Stay the night with me.” He inisited, both hands resting on your hips, and his forehead resting on yours. You debated back and forth in your head, well the best you could in your buzzed state. “Fine.” You said, trying to sound reluctant, but you were the opposite, but he couldn’t know that. “But, I need to leave by 7:30 tomorrow morning!” 

The drive was short, no longer than five minutes. “Now don’t make fun of me, as you know, I don’t spend very much time here.” Bucky explained, hand resting on the doorknob of his front door. “Oh shut up, I’m sure it’s fine.” You laughed, placing your hand on his and turning the doorknob. He stepped in first, flipping on the light switch. Your eyes scanned over the viewable part of the apartment,”I was right, you just need to do some major decorating.” 

Bucky walked off as you practically ripped your shoes off your feet, sighing in relief. Leaving the foyer and stepping into the living room, you searched for Bucky and he was standing in the kitchen. So you snuck up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Hi.” You mumbled, eyes fluttering closed and cheek pressed against his back. “Hey, doll.” He muttered back. 

You felt Bucky raise both his arms, and you heard some shifting, so you assumed he was searching for something in his cabinet. You heard what sounded like a pill bottle, and he shook some of them out into his hand. “Here take these.” He grabbed one of your hands, placing two small, circular pills in your hand. It was some form of Advil, you could tell by the familiar red color. 

Pulling away from him, you placed the pills into your mouth and he handed you a glass of water. “Thanks.” You said, taking a gulp of the water. “But I’m not gonna be hungover.” You insisted, placing the glass into his sink. You could tell he didn’t believe you, but he just smiled.  “Let’s go get you some comfier clothes.” 

“These are not gonna fit.” You called from the other side of the bathroom door. Bucky had given you a shirt and some red flannel pajama pants. The shirt was fine, you wore big shirts quite frequently, but no matter how tight you pulled the drawstring, the pants fell down to your thighs.  You peaked your head out from behind the door, and Bucky was sitting on the edge of the bed. “The shirt is pretty long on me, is it weird if I just don’t wear pants?” You asked him. He shrugged, “I don’t think so, as long as you’re comfortable.” He smiled. You opened the door all the way, and handed him the red pants, and he tossed them on the opposite side of the bed. 

“Well, It’s almost one in the morning, you should get some sleep.” He stood up from the bed and walked towards his closet,“You can have my bed, and I’ll sleep out here.” He pulled out a pillow and a sheet from his closet. “What, don’t wanna sleep with me, Buck? I see how it is.” You giggled, acting like you were upset, and rolling your eyes. 

“No-no, I-Buck, I’m kidding.” You cut him off, laughing at his sudden awkwardness. “I didn’t want to assume.” He finally muttered out. “I guess I don’t mind sharing a bed with you.” Continuing your joke, and slipping under the comforter. Engulfed by the smell of Bucky, which added another level of comfort. He pulled open the dresser once again, grabbing a shirt and some pajama pants, leaving you to go change in the bathroom. 

You scrolled on your phone, setting multiple alarms to make sure you woke up on time tomorrow morning, then placing it on the bedside table. Letting your eyes fall closed, you turned so that your back was towards the bathroom door. Without opening your eyes, you heard the bathroom door open, and then the lights flickered off. 

There was some quiet shuffling and you felt the bed dip beside you. Your eyes reluctantly opened, and you were greeted by the sight of Bucky’s back. Without thinking, you placed your hand on the arm that wasn’t tucked under his body, pulling at it softly. He rolled inward, now facing you. There was a sleepy smile on his face, and he blinked slowly, desperately trying to keep his eyes open. You placed a hand on his face, thumb softly running over the stubble on his cheek. His eyes finally shut, face full of content, the corners of his lips still upturned. Wiggling closer to him, “If we cuddled a little bit, I won’t tell if you don’t.” You said, letting some excess air out of your nose, as a laugh. “I know we aren’t dating, but…” Your voice trailing off.

“Yeah, about that…”

[script-nef]

Confession in the moonlight | Gojou Satoru

Category: fluff

2.2k words; Hatsumoude date [6/6]

Happy New Year everyone!

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Bells and chatter are almost deafening even this late into the night. Families and friends are gathering here, mingling and pushing against each other in the narrow path leading up to the shrine. There are so many carts lined up on the sides, owners screaming their products and shouting over another.

And you're walking through the crowd with the one person who you want to avoid the most in the world.

Thanks to the event which is now dubbed "The Alcohol Incident That Can Never Happen Again", you learned about a couple of things in the following days.

First, alcohol is the enemy. This is ironclad and nothing will ever shift your opinion on it. Alcohol. Is. The. Enemy. None of it will ever touch your lips again.

Second, you discovered what type of a drunk you are. The clingy, bubbly one who has the misfortune of remembering practically everything that happened. Worst combination ever. Because your brain wants you to die from embarrassment. The only plus is that you don't feel like throwing up and you don't have headaches. Whatever Gojou fed you worked wonders. 

Just thinking his name makes you want to slam your head into a wall. 

Facing him again after that has proven to be a challenge. The memory of what happened on that day intrudes every time you see his face and then you have to take a break to calm down. Faking ignorance and acting as though you remember nothing from the night was your choice. Which was a bad choice since you’re not known for your acting skills and you also have the misfortune of wearing your heart on your sleeve. Which brings on the next problem.

Third, you… seem to have feelings for Gojou. The romantic kind. Like, the boyfriend-girlfriend kind. When you woke up the next day, it was probably the most clear your mind had been in months. Alcohol is a confusing drink. Still, you're never going to go near it again. Making a fool out of yourself once is enough.

Lastly, perhaps most importantly, you basically confessed to him. While drunk. And then went to sleep.

Sitting up in bed the morning after, hair everywhere and jacket still on, you did an analysis. 

It's like a typical light novel cliché. A guy and a girl, co-workers or something like that, comfortable with each other, hangs out all the time, one major event or couple of minor events happens, the girl falls in love with the guy or vice-versa, confession and then happy ending. 

It all kind of made sense with your new, alcohol-cleaned brain. The fluttering feelings, the spike in heart rate, the uncontrollable blushing and noticing physical contact more. There’s a reason why he’s so comfortable to be around, why you practically entrusted your life in his hands. And you literally said to him once, you think in the movie theatre, that he would make a good boyfriend. To his face. Who says that? Embarrassment turns into self loathing. It makes you wonder how you didn’t notice it last time.

With this new shocking revelation, you didn’t know what to do. Confess? If there is even the slightest bit of chance he doesn’t like you back and rejects you, life will be hell to live. Because you live in the same goddamn place, work together and all of your friends are his friends.

So two options. Three outcomes. One: you confess and he accepts and everything is fine. Ideal. Two: you confess and he rejects you and so you leave the place, never come back again and work in a farm halfway across the world by changing your identity. That sounded reasonable enough. Three: you don’t confess and somehow act naturally around him. This has problems because, again, you wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s still very tempting. More so than the second one. This is perhaps the most difficult decision you’ve made in your life.

So you turned to the one person you can vent this kind of thing on. Shouko. Who looked at you like you were either stupid or dense. Maybe both. Definitely both. It was quite amazing what she could express while moving the least amount of facial muscles. 

“So… yeah. I think I like Gojou and I don’t know which of the options I should take. Help me?” 

She just stared at you. With a deadpan face that has all the stress and exasperation in the world. You pride yourself in being able to read other’s faces quite easily. Rubbing her fingers over her eyes and groaning for a bit, she eventually took her phone out and dialled a number. The line rang for a bit.

“Ijichi? You owe me 10,000 yen.” Clicking off the phone even before hearing a response, Shouko turned her focus back to you. “You seriously don’t know?”

“Don’t know what? What was the phone call about?”

“That he likes you? That’s he’s insufferable because of that? You seriously don’t know?” She inched closer and closer until her face was right in front of yours. Shouko is seriously scary when she’s angry, like a sleeping lion. And you just somehow poked her. “Look at me in the eyes. You seriously never realised?”

“Um, what?”

“The dates. Remember when I couldn’t go to the movie for Howl because someone came in? I immediately gave it to him because I owed him a favour and he wanted to spend time with you. The time he went shopping with you by flying. Do you know why he offered that in the first place?”

“I mean, it was getting late… And I was in a bad mood so— oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Do you get it now?” 

“So then… the dinner, that was also…”

“A date.” Sighing, she sits back on the sofa, letting her head drop onto the backrest. Thoughts jumble inside your head, all of them slowly clicking into place.

“Wait, so. He likes me?”

Annoyed moans are her response as she thuds her head into the furniture. Something along the lines of “Why me.” could be heard.

“So him inviting me to hatsumoude today is also a date?” Her hand waves lazily in the air.

“Yes, it is. Tell me you accepted.” You nodded, then realised that she can’t see from her position.

“I did. I can’t really say no to him.” She makes a gagging sound.

“Good. Finally. So just confess to him then. He’ll accept, you’ll be happy, he’ll be happy, and we’ll all finally be free.”

“Free of what.”

“Your denseness.” She snaps, sitting back up. Fire burns in her irises. “It’s like the Chinese story, the one with the shield and the spear. You’re the shield, oblivious to every single one of his advances and he’s the spear, never giving up. And we’re the spectators who are bored and tired. So dress up in your prettiest clothes and go.”

And that’s why you’re walking up the steps to the shrine, swaddled in clothing. Gojou is right next to you, enjoying mochi he bought from somewhere and humming. He’s humming while you’re having one of the worst crises of your life. God, you envy his ability to keep cool. 

Making every effort to keep calm and not look move your head in his general direction, you finally arrive at the bell. The sound resonates clearly into the night. Coins clink into the offering box. Two bows, two claps, pray, one bow. Your wish is the same as always, with one more sentence. Gojou copies you, mochi finished and trash discarded.

The way down is much easier, your heart a little lighter. Maybe the rest of the night will be fine. 

This is a delusion and you realise it as soon as Gojou opens his mouth.

“What did you wish for?” His voice cuts through the commotion, nudging for your attention. You flinch a bit at the closeness but try to regain your composure. If he saw it, he doesn’t comment on it.

“I—I  wished for everyone I love to survive the fight with Sukuna and have a peaceful retirement. Especially Ken-chan.” In actuality, you did wish for that but also for a way to confess. He doesn’t need to know that yet. Your voice trembles a bit, betraying you. 

“You do know that saying it out loud negates the wish right?” There’s a delighted tone in his voice, like he’s happy he baited you. How is a person this childish? And what does that say about you, the person who likes him? A hand ruffles your head before you have a chance to lament your heart. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure your wish comes true.” Your heart thumps.

It’s so unfair how he always knows what to say. It’s so unfair that it’s having this kind of effect on you. Your earlobes grow hot and you scramble to find a reply.

“What did you wish for then?” He shifts his head to look at you. “Yeah, I know. It won’t come true if you say it out loud, but if you can protect everyone and save the human race, I’m sure it's not up to the gods or spirits whether or not your wish comes true.”

He seems to contemplate it. Then nods. 

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s not up to them.” 

“See? So what’s yo—”

“It’s up to you.”

You nearly trip over one of the stone tiles, flailing for balance. Of course Gojou comes to your rescue, hands gently gripping at your sides. The first problem here is that your reaction was too obvious. You can’t feign ignorance now, like you didn’t hear him over the crowd. The second is that you just made a fool of yourself. Which leads to the third problem. 

He is way too close. 

“You okay?” And now he’s whispering. The blushing worsens. “Come on, let’s go.”

It’s a clearing in the forest a bit away, a smaller dilapidated shrine on the edge of it. A small pond is in the middle, fireflies skimming over the surface and glimmering beautifully. 

“There you go.” He guides you to the steps of the ruined shrine, letting you sit down but stays standing. Shifting on his feet, neck cracking as he rolls it. Nervous energy leaks out of him. Wait, is this— 

“I don’t know what to say. I’ve rehearsed this like, hundreds of times but my heart is kind of going crazy.” So is yours. He comes back to you then lowers himself to one knee. Your heart stops. “I’m not proposing. Not yet. I’ve heard dating comes first.”

One of your hands slots into his. He removes his blindfold, revealing his cerulean eyes to you for the second time. Breath hitches and he most definitely heard it because his smile, no matter how tentative it was, becomes full and true.

“Let’s get to the main point straight away. I like you.” The words burn you alive and you try to take your hand back but his grip is strong. So you do the next best thing. Averting your face. “I know you do too. I also know you remember the night. Your acting skills are terrible. And Shouko told me.” If you’re not drowning in mortification and something that feels vaguely like hope, you might hit him. And Shouko.

But the second you face him, you see him. The heart-gripping worry in his eyes, the way he’s smiling to cover for his anxiousness, the light trembling in his fingers. It’s so different to his normal self, the aloof and laid-back aura completely dissipated. This is what you do to him?

“I’m not good at this. But I mean every word when I say that you’re the kindest, cutest and the most loveable person that I’ve ever met. You put up with me, and that’s saying a lot.” Protest is at the tip of your tongue, ready to argue that he should stop being so hard on himself and that you genuinely like spending time with him, but he recognises the look on your face and laughs delightedly. “See? So ready to come to my defence, even if it’s me you have to fight. Everyone’s fed up with me to some extent, and I know you are as well, but you still put up with me. That’s what made me fall for you. That unlimited kindness.”

He presses a kiss to the palm of your hand and it feels like he’s giving you his heart at the same time. Love shines in his eyes and clogs at your throat. A shuddering breath passes over the both of you. But then the cheeky smile comes back.

“I think that’s enough to sweep you off your feet. Is your heart beating fast?” A nod. “Hands clammy?” A nod. “Think you can manage granting me my wish?”

A wave of calm washes over. Gojou’s words, filled with sincerity and bare hearted emotions, turn into butterflies that travel to every inch in your body. It’s delightful and there’s no way you can live without hearing it again.

The distance between your lips close, and you swear your heart synchronises with his when they finally touch. 

[1994sunflower]

Say something happened idk what but like Y/n couldn't be with michael at the moment say she was visiting somewhere or something. How would their facetime be like?

michael will be so grumpy and annoyed that youre gone

your absense will be so obvious in his life, even if he’s just being overdramatic because its only a couple of days/a week/whatever

he just misses you a lot, misses waking up next to you, touching you, spending time with you

but you facetime everyday

which makes it as tolerable as it can be

i mean if it were up to him he’d facetime you all day everyday

but you restrict it to only at the end of the day so you can both get your things done throughout the day

which for him really just means wasting the day until he finally gets his time with you

but when that time comes, he does not let any distractions, he is very serious about his time alone with you even if only over the phone

and while seeing your face again makes his entire day

it’s never enough, he’ll still have to go to sleep without your warmth next to him

which is why he usually likes to fall asleep with you on the call lol

but he takes what he can get

as soon as you’re on the call and your face pops up, when you give him that heartwarming smile of yours “hi, mikey.”

his entire body sways at seeing his love again but at the same time it just makes him miss you so much more

you’re so close, visually but so far away

you would usually sit on your hotel/childhood bed and fold your knees up to your chest with your phone in your hand against them as you talked to him

only enough for him to see from your collarbone to your face

and he’d be laying on his bed with his phone held over his head so you could see his face

and he’d listen while you ranted about how your day was

maybe really half listening to the plot but he missed your voice throughout the day so he was really just soaking it in

how you managed to be excited about the littlest things if you had a good day

the way your face was so bright and beautiful as always, your big eyes showing your excitement

he’d laugh and smile, tease you whenever you told him something embarrassing had happened and watch delighted as you stammered and blushed

or if you had a bad day, he would watch your sad expression and have a yearning to hold you in his arms, prevent any tear from streaming down your face

also a bit of a yearning to get on a car/plane and get rid of everything that upset you

he was very mad he couldn’t physically be there for you but he did what he could just letting you let out your feelings

if you ever tried to cut yourself off because you thought you were talking too much or ask him about his day

he’d almost be frustrated because you never annoyed him and he wanted to hear you more, your voice, even if it was the most boring story he physically would never tolerate if anyone else had been saying it

“how was your day, bubs?”

“boring.”

“…michael” cue your eyeroll and lecture

but he would always let up and tell you what he did today, how the house and ashton were doing, things like that

you were really the one that spoke and were more animated but that was just your normal dynamic with him

sometimes you were excited about a particular thing that was going to happen or you had a great day so you would model for him your clothing option for the next day

like you would set your phone down to give him a good view then you’d show him your full outfit

“so i was thinking of wearing this dress but i don’t know if this yellow one would be better. what do you think?”

and he literally didn’t know the first thing about fashion, especially when you looked good in everything you wore

but he couldn’t deny you, even when it was so out of his personality, so he’d always chuckle and give a general “i think it looks good” but with a smile that made you weak to your knees so you knew that you would definitely wear it and send him pictures of you in it the next day so he could see you

(which is what you did everyday really, you’d always send him pictures of your trip or just you with your outfit of the day

it was one of the parts of his day that he anticipated the most even though he nearly never answered you and just commented on it during your facetime call at the end of the day briefly

“you looked pretty today.”

so you were never really sure if he wanted you to keep sending them but thank goodness you did)

or when you were telling him about your day and what you did and his snide little comments told you exactly how you felt

“it was a hard day.”

“it wouldn’t have been if you were here instead.”

to which you would giggle knowingly and give him the most loving smile that he had been missing

“i know mikey, i miss you too.”

to which he would smile

the smile he only ever gave to you

it was his way of saying he missed you without ever really saying it.

but then in would come the same question he asked every single time he talked to you

“when are you coming home?”

he tried not to sound whiny but he always did

he was constantly counting down the days for you to be home

because there was only so much patience he could have and it was starting to feel like the trip had stolen his girlfriend and he was this close to wrestling you back.

and you would always tell him a few days and he would always huff

your conversations were mundane but it brought a bit of your normal everyday life when both of you felt kind of out of wack without each other

sometimes you were tired and michael forced you to hang up even if you didnt want to so you can rest

always always ending with an “i love you."

other times you laid on your side on the bed as michael did the same, both of your phones extended in your hands on the other side of the bed so it seemed like you were in each others bed

and you’d go to sleep like that

just whispering about random things until you both closed your eyes and dozed off

nsfw because i’m a whore with no self control 😔🤚🏼

you guys really were always all over each other, esp michael who had no restraint

so being away from you for more than a few days was more than a little frustrating

sometimes it would be you

you’d be squirming all day with thoughts of him and finally seeing him even if through a screen would have you whimpering for him almost without any other introduction

he would always understand and give you what you need without explanations needed

but most times it would be him

you’d answer his call with the same innocent, happy smile you always had on

he’d be quieter than normal, almost looking mad (frustrated is the better word) but you figured he had a bad day and talked much more to compensate

and he’d listen to you, not cutting you off.

mumbling “hm..” at appropriate times

but he was a lot closer to the camera than usual, watching you carefully, taking you all in, only one of his hands was in frame and the other seemed like it was moving

it wasnt until you paused that you heard it

a sort of ’slick’ing sound that you knew a little too well

“mikey?"

“keep talking.”

he was getting off on your voice, loved the how sweet and oblivious your words were, how much you missed him, how good your day was

could imagine your voice crying out for him like you always did

plus you were so pretty, he could get himself off with just your face and the pretty dress you were wearing

then he’d pull the phone back and show you exactly what you had been suspecting

his hard cock was out, being stroked slowly and lazily by his hand as he had been doing since the moment you had picked up

“miss you so much, little one. couldn’t think of anything else today except you bouncing on my cock like the good girl you are. i’m so fucking hard”

he was so big, like always and you could almost drool at the sight of him, clenching around absolutely nothing as you imagined being filled up by him, him spoiling you with his cock like he usually did

and seeing you blush and seem so mesmerized, equally as turned on as him then made him just fuck his fist faster, tighten his fist to mimic your tightness

and he’d direct you to tell you what to do, tell you how to touch yourself

he made sure he could see every part of you, your legs spread for the camera and him showing everything he’d been fantasizing about for so long

it’d honestly be so frustrating just as much as it was hot for him

because he was visibly seeing what he wished was with him right then but he couldnt touch you

but seeing his innocent little girlfriend touching herself for him was enough for him to stroke himself faster

especially at the thought of you either being at a hotel or at your parents house, so close to others, so easy for anyone to overhear the good girl they saw going in, shy and sweet, but none of that registers in your mind because youre michael’s whore that would do anything to be fucked dumb by your big, bad boyfriend

he’d listen to your small breathy moans and whimpers, honestly getting even more painfully hard at your sounds

sometimes your tongue would be out, expectantly like it usually was when he was above you, awaiting his spit

biting your lip as you tried to keep your eyes open to watch him getting himself off but sometimes you had to throw your head back as you imagined his fingers instead of yours stretching you out, his big body overpowering yours

your hips would be grinding pathetically agaisnt your hand without even realizing it

“daddy, d-daddydaddy!"

but michael saw all of it, groans and curse words leaving his mouth as he took you in entirely

your slim fingers rubbing your little clit, your blush as you tried your best to mimic all the things he usually did to you with your fingers

although nothing comparing to his much bigger hand that could cup your entire cunt with his palm and his thick, long fingers that could fill you up and hit all your best spots

leaving you more than a little whiny in frustration

spreading your folds to the camera so he can see your tight, drooling hole. a show just for him.

and it was better than any porn he’d ever watched

especially because the girl he was watching was HIS

he imagined your smaller hand wrapping around his dick, your wide eyes looking up at him from down on your knees, head bobbing on his cock, tears in your eyes

he’d be giving you the most degrading praises he could, they would just fall from his lips

“that’s right, play with yourself for me, dirty girl.”

“fuck just a few days without me and you’re already a cockhungry slut aren’t you?”

he’d tell you what he wants to do to you, what he’d do if he were there

“i’d stretch you open so good, little one”

“i want to have you crying on my cock”

“rub your cunt faster, just how I would. pinch your clit”

he’d have your small body bent over, face pushed into the bed and dress bunched on your hips, plowing you from behind (especially with how blue balled he’d be for so long without you) and he’d tell you as much

you were so wet, the wetness practically dripping from your hand and the sound loud for michael’s ears which did not help his desperate want to actually feel you

normally you couldnt get off by yourself, but knowing your boyfriend was watching, that he was getting off on you and the fact that he was the one controlling your movements, you did cum on your own fingers

“show me”

you’d blush but shyly obey him, something that filled him with so much pleasure - always so submissive for him, and brought your phone closer to show him your messy cunt

and michael, jacking off and thrusting against his fist

grunts, groans and some low growls

“fuckfuckfuck”

cumming right after you, all over his stomach, his head being thrown back at the pleasure

and the sight had you already writhing and grinding against the mattress under you, wanting more

wanting him and wanting his cum in you

“good fucking girl”

he wasnt used to getting himself off, didn’t need to with you around, and normally didnt like it but with your help, it felt so good

but he wanted the real thing, could only go so long without fucking his sweet little girlfriend who he was so weak over

and you wanted the same

[bbysamu]

Like I need U

⭑ Song: Like I need U by Keshi 

⭑ Warning: Minor angst 

⭑ Pairing: Tsukishima x f!reader 

⭑ Part II ; Part III ⭑

➴ Take a peek at my Masterlist

♫ baby i call in the dead of night 

 but you don’t need me like i need you 

 pray that i won’t be alone ♫ 

(Y/N) laid on the bed, waiting for her boyfriend’s text. It’s been over an hour since that call went to voicemail. It was unlike Tsukishima Kei to not been in contact, although that seemed to be the norm these past few days. She rolled over in bed, checking her phone charging by the bedside. 

No new texts, all that stared up was her lockscreen of her kissing Tsukki’s cheeks taken at the time Karasuno won their first game and qualified to continue next. (Y/N) always thought this was such a good picture of them both. Tsukki cracking a shy, but happy smile, arms wrapped around (Y/N)’s waist as she happily pecked his cheeks. 

That was over a few weeks ago, a lot of things can change in a few weeks.

As they were preparing for the upcoming inter-high, a new manager came to the Karasuno team to help out Kiyoko, Yachi and (Y/N). 

Yuki was a cute girl, shy with a hint of mischievous gleam in her eyes and she quickly bonded with the team and quickly bonded with Tsukki. (Y/N) wasn’t worried though, Yuki quickly became like a little sister and she knew how much Tsukki loved her. 

What she didn’t know was the way Yuki saw how tender Tsukishima always pecked you on the cheeks when entering the club room for practice, how his eyes seemed to search for you in the hallways and that little smile breaking out on his usual stoic face when they met hers. Tsukishima was a tall, handsome and intelligent second year. Yuki wanted a relationship like that too. Yuki wanted Tsukishima too. 

 And Yuki, the only child of loving parents, always got what she wanted. So it began. At first it was standing by (Y/N)’s side when Tsukki comes in the club room, so he doesn’t feel comfortable kissing his girlfriend on the cheek with another manager around. Then it was asking (Y/N) for his phone number to get some help with homework. What began as questions over texts quickly became in-person study sessions with (Y/N) and Tsukki, which quickly became only with Tsukki as Yuki found a way to always schedule study sessions when (Y/N) had conflicting times. Soon, study sessions became a weekly thing and suddenly, Tsukki found himself enjoying the company of Yuki, his kouhai, a cute one that is. 

As (Y/N) got busier with other club activities, suddenly Tsukki found himself texting Yuki all the time, even when he was spending time with his girlfriend. He didn’t think it was wrong, after all, couldn’t he be friends with Yuki? (Y/N) did say she was like a little sister. 

Weeks went by, Yuki knew she was close to getting Tsukki. She noticed how he no longer kisses (Y/N) on the cheeks as he walks in the room, how his eyes seem to find hers first in the crowded hallway, only fleeting to find (Y/N)’s after, and how (Y/N) was always the one initiating physical affections now. Yuki was smart and she knew she was close. Does she feel sorry? No, not really. Afterall, (Y/N) was a beautiful and sweet girl, she could have anyone she wanted, she didn’t need Tsukishima. 

People began to notice Yuki’s closeness with Tsukishima. Yamaguchi was worried for his best friend, it wasn’t that he didn’t like Yuki, perhaps it was because he liked (Y/N) more and thought she was great for him, like two pieces of a puzzle. Yet, he can’t help but get worried as Tsukki started to tell Yamaguchi more about Yuki and less about (Y/N). 

Hey Tsukki, you noticed you been hanging out with Yuki a little too much these days? Yamaguchi inquired, to which Tsukki only scoffed and said “not really, she’s my kouhai and she needs help with her homework, its what a good senpai would do, plus (Y/N) doesn’t mind”. Yamaguchi sighed and hoped his best friend knew what he was doing. 

(Y/N) have noticed the minor changes in Tsukki’s behavior but always brushed them off as he always reassured her that he loves her and only her. (Y/N) trusted in Tsukki and knew he would never do that to her, considering he knew what happend to her parents, with her dad’s affair casting a huge shadow on (Y/N)’s life. 

So what could explain his lack of communication now? 

*ding* (Y/N) quickly sat up in bed and grabbed her phone excitedly, her brows furrowed in confusion as a snapchat notification from Yuki popped up and Yuki rarely sends snapchats to her. She opened it, a video popped up with the caption “I just love him so much”, a video (Y/N) assumed was supposed to be sent to Yuki’s friend. 

(Y/N) was not expecting to see a familiar blonde. 

It was her boyfriend, hands on on Yuki’s thigh, laughing as he watched Steve Carrol fell in the pool, his favorite moment from The Office. His eye glances over at the camera, in a tender way asking “why are you recording?”. 

“Because you’re cute and I want to keep this video forever”, 

he smiles “you’re cuter”, 

“cuter than (Y/N)?” 

He pretends to think for a moment, “yes, of course, now come here cutie pie”.

The camera cuts off and (Y/N) stared at the darkened phone screen, tear drops soon covered the phone. Tsukishima did not text her that night, or the night after. 

♫ afraid what’s coming next 

 wished we never met (be alone) ♫ 

That morning at school, Tsukishima knew something was amiss when he saw (Y/N) puffy eyes. 

“hey babe, you okay? sorry i’ve been busy with homework over the weekend” he asked, immediately thinking of Yuki and her smile and her laugh and her kisses. 

It was like the first time (Y/N) been able to see him clearly. The clear way his eyes did not seem to care about her answer to his question. The clear way his eyes seem to be scanning for someone else over her shoulders. Those eyes she once loved so much, now clearly in love with someone else. 

“I’m not okay, but thats okay. ” She offered him a small smile, when he didn’t ask why, she knew he was gone. So she grabbed his hand and kissed him on the cheeks one last time, “lets break up”. 

Tsuki was stunned, for the first time in a while, head devoid of any thoughts of Yuki. He suddenly saw how tiny (Y/N) looked in that sweater and started to panic. 

(Y/N) cracked a small smile, tears in her large eyes “you promised you’d never be like my dad Tsukki, but I know”, with that she slipped her hand out of his “my family is actually moving, so today is actually my last day at school. I’ll see you around. I hope she makes you happy”. 

After school, (Y/N) visited the Karasuno volleyball club room one last time to bid farewell to the team. Tsukishima was a no show, so was Yuki. It was easy for everyone to piece it together. (Y/N) hugged everyone and thanked the team for taking care of her. There was not a dry eye in the room. 

Weeks passed - time had done its fair share to mitigate her heartbreak, last she heard, Yuki has quit the manager position as the entire team gave her the cold shoulder. Tsuki stayed on the team, but kept mostly to himself now, even Yamaguchi could not believe his best friend would have the audacity to hurt (Y/N) after knowing her story. God and time slowly healed everything as her days at Karasuno became a memory. 

♫ pain, that’s an option

 no time for nonsense ♫

(Y/N) stood in front of her new volleyball team’s practice room at Aoba Johsai. It worked out so perfectly that their old manager had to leave and (Y/N) who had experience at Karasuno, was quickly accepted to be the new manager.  

(Y/N) brushed her long, black hair back over her shoulder, putting on a smile. After all, pain is only an option, she’s no longer got time for nonsense. Little did she know, waiting for her inside was a certain, very cute captain who has had his eyes on her since that practice game with Karasuno. 

[cloveroctobers]

SHEA BUTTER BABY | S. James

Requested by: @theshyprincess “Can I get a spencer James getting married and smut biracial if I’m not bothering you I really like your writing”

A/N: decided to do this in hc form, hope that’s cool? And it’s been my thing lately anyways lol. Hope you like this one! I also hope I channeled Spencer well 🙃

WARNINGS: light smut + some curse words ofc!

We all know Spencer takes the world on his shoulders; when his finds you, you become his world

You meet freshman year in university, specifically on the football field and decided to invite him to a sorority party because what’s the best way to start off your freshman year? A little party never hurt nobody

Except it did, things got rowdy resulting with a huge ass knot on your forehead and losing consciousness for a few minutes

You expected Spencer to dip like any other asshole dude would have but you were shocked that he actually came to your aid and walked you back to your dorm even tho you had a “big ass egg” growing from your forehead

You could laugh about it a little then, but more so now

He actually asked for your number before you departed, even tho you thought you majorly screwed whatever this was up but he wanted to see you again and you were more than happy to oblige

It was instant friendship with a touch of flirtations but you knew that he recently got out of some heartbreak from his senior year of high school and you had no choice but to respect that he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now

Day by day you became the best of friends spending majority of your time together while also getting to know each other’s outside friends and family, you became each other’s family

It was end of sophomore year where Spencer decided he wanted to give it a go but it was your turn to be leery since you watched him go through some girls but he never flaunted that in front of you, yet you always knew

You didn’t want to be his last option

“You could never be that, y/n. You’re so much more than what you think I think of you.”

Words of affirmation is definitely Spencer’s love language and he had no problem saying how he felt about you

He openly admitted that he was confused at first, trying to fight with his inner self on taking your friendship into the love zone. He’s always gone the friendship route first before it turned into romance—well maybe not with Kia but his past two relationships he did

He was not only confused but nervous and you made him work a little bit to get a date from you but you didn’t hold out for too long since you felt Spencer was your person

You took things slow but you still felt like friends except now you held onto each other a little longer and touches seem to burn now but you liked it, really liked it

Senior year is when he proposes, he’s actually the second out of his group of friends back home to get engaged...JJ was the first and actually went through with the marriage after one drunken night in vegas with some girl who was studying physical therapy

Sure it’s only been two years but like your grandmother always says, “when you feel a pull in your heart whenever they’re not around, they’re the one baby.” And your grandparents got married only after knowing each other for four months. Every love is different

You were a sappy mess and Spencer found it humorous while slipping the ring on and embracing you, “we not doing that. Save it until the wedding, huh?”

And he gets a few nice whacks to the chest but he can take it ofc as he’s kissing you so gently

It’s a private moment and you wouldn’t have it any other way

A year and a few months after you graduate, Spencer gets drafted into the NFL and you’re still searching for a job you majored in

You’re both living apart with you going back to your hometown in Arizona and Spencer in Cali. Things aren’t easy but you’ve been planning your wedding and it feels like Spencer is just saying he’s okay with everything which is frustrating. You don’t want to do this alone and you need to find a place to live together, you didn’t want to live with Spencer’s mom and brother as much as you loved them. You were both adults and needed to take the wheel

Yet it always felt like Spencer was busy planning on putting further distance between you since he was secure in his career and you just felt stuck

That caused a riff between you two but Spencer didn’t like that silent treatment bs. You were gonna talk to him one way or another

Once you get through it, which you definitely do!! it’s pure heaven and you couldn’t be happier

You get married at a banquet hall

You both have a lot friends and family that’ve invited

Your best friends + sibs are your best men, bridesmaids, maid of honor

Spencer leaves a chair open for his dad up front with his mom and brother 🥲

Initially you were going to have your guests pick whatever seat they wanted and just have your immediate family have the front areas but you knew that would probably end up hectic with the strong personalities you had within your friend and family group so you kept it traditional. Your family/friends on one side and spence’s family/friends on the other

Memorable wedding, you were gorgeous and he was so handsome. You loved when Spencer got dressed up, it did something to you and you couldn’t wait for your honeymoon

It wouldn’t be anything over the top like The Bakers tried to gift you with, you just wanted something simple but nice with the man you loved

You were going to Palm Springs the next morning!!! Spending the night in the hotel

You were going to hold out even longer until the night you reached your honeymoon destination 😌

Spencer wanted the both of you to write your own vows and you sure didn’t know how you would compete with this guy. Spencer James always had a way with words!!!

He ofc had you a sobbing mess again but you knew it was never about out-showing the other

when you seal your marriage with a kiss, his hands rest securely on your hips with your hand cradling his jaw and you’re all smiles as the hall fills with cheers

“I love you, Mrs. James.” He’s got that smirk of a smile on his lips and love in his eyes

“As do I, Mr. James.” And you can’t wipe the smile from your own lips even if you tried

One thing you both know how to do is party so the reception goes on for awhile, until about 3 am even tho you both have to be on the road by 10 or a little later since check in isn’t until early afternoon

You’re both so giddy you can hardly sleep but you eventually do, you in your dress + Spencer in his dress shirt but he’s lost the tie and loosened his pants

Since Palm Springs is a 2 hr drive you’re reminiscing on how you basically taught Spencer how to drive and look at how far he’s come now with the rental you’re both using for 4 days and 3 nights

“so it’s my fault you don’t know how to instruct?” Which leads to harmless bickering over spencer’s road trip playlist

it’s been agreed that you each had an hour to play your playlists then for the left over minutes you’d listen to the radio once you got to your destination

your airbnb is REAL colorful and modern, not exactly your tastes but nonetheless it was your getaway from home. You were used to the desert while spencer? Not so much

“the hell was that?” Spencer is dodging and weaving especially if they fly

“looks like fire ants.” keep your distance.” “Why do you know what that is?” “I get stuck watching discovery channel with my dad when I can’t sleep and he’s always up. I saw one episode about them and we don’t want to mess with those bastards.”

you don’t do much with the rest of your day there, just enjoying each other’s company in the air bnb

You decide to shower while Spencer is ordering y’all your dinner from grubhub and deciding what you’re going to watch on firestick that you bought with you

you tend to take long showers so you’re just about done rubbing shea butter into your skin when Spencer announces that the food is here through the door

when you step out you’re on a mission with your silk robe, bustier, and garter

although you kept your own values of saving yourself until marriage—while Spencer was way more experienced you didn’t feel as nervous to get intimate with the man of your dreams

but that changed the moment his set his eyes on you

“what’s this?” He smirks, popping a fry into his mouth

You’re playing coy as your skin shines, leaning over to steal one of his fries. “My pajamas.”

He’s amused but definitely turned on, “oh aight, so that’s just the norm for you now?”

“I could change.” You pointed back to the where the bathroom sat

“I ain’t say all that, Mrs. James.” Spencer blinks then lifts his head upwards, “c’mere.”

And you move to sit on his lap with excitement even tho you think you hide it pretty well. You’ve always pictured how this would be and you knew from stories from your cousins and friends that half of them didn’t have the most romantic experience...

You didn’t need the rose petals and candles but you knew Spencer was a romantic at heart, plus you had plenty of time to see what was up his sleeve and knew this wouldn’t be the only time as of tonight. You were hoping!!!

“Are we starting dinner?” You ask, wrapping an arm across his shoulders but his eyes are set only on you

“I’m hungry for somethin’ else right now,” his nose presses against your beating throat, “and it just walked in here, looking good enough for this appetite.”

Now he’s kissing on your neck and when he gets to that sweet spot behind your ear he’s got the confirmation he needs but he needs to hear you say it. And he asks with his eyes which you reply with a dip of your head

Now he’s got his hands underneath your thighs, locking your legs around his waist for you and he’s off to your temporary bedroom

He’s always so gentle with you, even when he’s laying you down on this bed

“I promise the next time we do this, I’ll make the place look special for you.” He says into your neck and your nod as you feel the weight of him against you

You’re gasping for breath before he’s been fully touched you yet, “we still have the tub and a couple of days.”

He breathes out a laugh, “that we do. That we do.” Before your lips are brought back together

You know you are loved with the way Spencer touches you and speaks to you even in your most intimate moment

He builds you up before he gives himself all to you. It’s something you heard about, SEEN and knew it was crucial but you didn’t want to put too much logic in this moment. You don’t think you can even think straignt with the way you’re on fire for Spencer rn

And he’s know that but he needs you to be patient, he knows how to take his time. And he should know what he’s doing...he does

He’s seeing what your body likes, he’s watching his face even when you begin to whine for him

He knows when you’re truly ready even when you’re begging

He gives you your first climax with his mouth and you know you need more because you knew how much you loved his lips but you loved them even more now

“even better than I imagined,” he says with a lick of his lips from below before pressing a kiss on your abdomen and you’re still seeing stars

“you okay up there?” He asks. He’s always seeking reassurance from you. That’s too important to him, you’re too important to him

You have to say it as your vision slowly starts to splat back to normal, “I need you i-in— but there’s heat pooling in your cheeks. You’re a bit shy now as you’re getting in your head wondering how you must have sounded or looked in that moment of your first climax but it didn’t seem as if Spencer was disappointed. He seemed just as happy to please

He knows what you need. He worked with your body up to this moment

So he’s kissing up your body, slow and soft. He looks into your eyes before he glances over to grab his wallet from the night stand to grab protection

you didn’t think this far ahead but part of you wanted to know if there was a difference without, ofc you knew the risks without and you had forever to try so you made no comment about the choice to use protection

You wanted to do the honors, and so you did

You were surely in awe to be this close and personal with something you get to have for a lifetime

“Careful, something might fly in there.”

You can’t help but you roll your eyes and snort as Spencer places a kiss to your cheek before he reaches up to lock your hands together and up over your head, your wedding bands contrasting against the bright orange walls and your shea butter skin

“I’m ready.” You whisper, your eyes shifting from Spencer’s deep brown eyes to where your bodies would connect

Spencer hums as he keeps his eyes on yours before lining up, he has to free one of his hands to guide

and your mouth falls open with a slight arch in your back

He doesn’t move right away, he needs to be sure

when you lock both legs around his hips, tugging him closer than close to you, fully allowing him in your space, you then squeeze your hands tighter together, never wanting to let go

Spencer James was all you ever needed and you were more than thrilled to continue this journey of life with him

[the-rad-pineapple]

the precious hours

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Supernatural oneshot: Dean comes back to visit Cas when Cas is human in Season 9.

Words: 2302

ao3

fanfiction

wattpad

Title and story based off the song The Precious Hours by Proleter.

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Feelings. That is the best and worst thing about being human. Castiel has never felt more elated, giddy, and happy but sad, desperate, and lonely all this intensely or this close together. The span of emotions he experiences in one day is more than he’s felt...probably ever. And to make everything worse, Dean is back.

It’s torture. Dean makes Castiel feel so good. Castiel is always happy being around Dean. He smiles the most when he’s with Dean. Castiel isn’t sure why. It feels like, well, magic. It’s nothing like anything else he feels. Dean makes him feel many physical sensations, too. Like rushes of adrenaline and a fluttering sensation in his stomach. But it is also terrible. Castiel wants more. He wants to touch Dean. Hold him. Have Dean hold him. Kiss. It’s strange. Castiel somehow feels lonely even when he’s next to Dean. He knows Dean doesn’t feel the same, and it hurts. It’s not a physical pain, but there is no other way to describe how painful the emotions feel other than saying they hurt. Castiel finds he wants to spend as much time as he can with Dean to feel the good emotions, despite knowing he’ll feel the bad ones, too. Especially right after Dean leaves. Castiel thinks loneliness is one of the worst feelings. But Castiel pushes that aside. Dean returned just a week after he left the first time and took Castiel to dinner without an explanation. So now they’re sitting across from each other in a booth at a diner Castiel has never been to. He can’t really afford to eat out anywhere, but Castiel doesn’t tell Dean. He can probably pay for this one meal if he doesn’t eat a lot. The appetizers look affordable. Embarrassment and shame strike him much more deeply now, and he really cares what Dean thinks about him, so he doesn’t want Dean knowing this will really cut into his expenses. “You’re just having a water?” Dean asks after the waitress asked Castiel what he was going to drink. “Two beers, please,” Dean orders before Castiel can interject. Castiel turns his attention back to his menu, swallowing down the dread building there. Now he’s going to have to pay for that, too. “Cas, what’s wrong?” Castiel looks up. Dean is staring at him sternly. Concern. Castiel finds it’s much easier to read and understand human emotions now that he feels many of these emotions himself. “Nothing,” Castiel lies. “Why are you here, Dean?” Dean shrugs, but Castiel can see he’s still tense. Something is bothering him. “Just needed a break, you know?” Castiel knows Dean isn’t telling him everything. But he knows if he brings it up, Dean will just deny it, so Castiel just nods. The waitress returns, and they both order. “You’re not getting much,” Dean comments. Castiel glances up self-consciously. He knew Dean was going to judge him on his order. But when Castiel meets Dean’s gaze, it’s filled with the same concern as earlier. Castiel answers, “I’m not hungry.” Another lie. The only other food he’s eaten today was a Nature Valley bar at lunch. He’s never buying Nature Valley again. Those bars basically crumble to dust before you can even bring them to your mouth. The waitress returns with the beers. Dean eagerly grabs his and takes a long sip. Castiel picks his up as Dean is drinking. He drinks a little. He knows the alcohol will go straight to his head since he’s hardly eaten. Maybe it will make him feel a little better. So Castiel takes another, longer drink. An awkward silence stretches between them, and Castiel traces the dips of the wooden table with his index finger. “So, how have you been?” Dean asks. Castiel looks up and is immediately suspicious. He studies Dean’s expression, but he can’t tell what Dean is thinking. Why does Dean want to know? Castiel doesn’t want Dean to worry about him, so he lies. “Fine,” Castiel says. “How are you?” “Just great,” Dean says while picking up his beer again. But Dean’s tone doesn’t reflect his words. Sarcasm. Castiel instantly feels concern tighten his chest. He can’t help it. He knows what Dean does, and sometimes he can’t sleep because he worries Dean is dying somewhere and needs his help. But Castiel can’t help. “What’s going on, Dean?” Castiel asks. “I lied to Sam, and it finally caught up with me.” Castiel blinks in surprise at Dean’s honesty. He can see the regret in Dean’s eyes and pressed lips. Castiel is dying to know more and

wants to help, but he knows he probably won’t be able to. Dean doesn’t accept help a lot anyway. “Want to talk about it?” Castiel offers. “No.” “Ok.” Another awkward silence fills the air again. Castiel goes back to tracing the table. Smelling all the food surrounding them is making him even hungrier. It feels like ten years have passed. “How’s work?” Dean asks. “Fine.” This time it isn’t a lie. Work’s not great. Castiel would rather be helping Dean. But it’s also not terrible. It’s just fine. The food finally arrives, and they both begin eating. A word hardly passes between them as they eat. Castiel hasn’t eaten a meal this good...maybe ever. Or since he can really taste food. He mainly eats sandwiches or things from the store, so a hot meal is everything. It is worth the money after all. Castiel finishes eating and moves to drink some beer but pauses when he realizes Dean is staring. Does he have food on his face or something? Castiel wipes his mouth just in case. “What?” Castiel asks when Dean continues to stare. Dean blinks rapidly and looks down. Are there tears in his eyes? Castiel leans closer. “Dean, what’s wrong?” “When was the last time you ate?” Dean’s gaze snaps back up. The eye contact and the question catch Castiel off guard. His breath sticks in his throat, and he swallows. Castiel doesn’t want Dean to know how bad he’s struggling. He’s not entirely sure why. He knows a part of him wants to avoid feeling any form of shame. Another part might be the little bit of pride he has left. “A few hours ago,” Castiel answers. It’s the truth. He just didn’t tell Dean exactly how much or what he ate. “What did you eat?” “A...bar.” Castiel isn’t exactly sure what the type of food he ate is called. “Like a protein bar?” Castiel isn’t exactly sure what makes a bar a protein bar. “Yes? It was crumbly.” He hopes his description is helpful. “Is that all you’ve had today?” Dean asks. His words are sharp. Castiel looks back down at his plate. Anxiety wells in his stomach, and his shoulders tighten. He knows he can’t lie to Dean, but he also doesn’t want to admit that the bar is all he’s had. He doesn’t want Dean to think less of him. “Dammit, Cas,” Dean says quietly. “I’m sorry,” Castiel feels himself automatically respond. It’s as if the phrase has the power to make everything better. Castiel chances a glance up at Dean. Dean is running a hand over his face. Their eyes meet. “Where are you staying?” Dean asks quietly. Castiel knows he can’t answer this. The embarrassment will be too much. He can’t even get a place to sleep. Dean will think he’s pathetic or something similar. Castiel grabs his beer and drinks, hoping to stall. He slowly sets the bottle down once he’s finished. “Cas?” Dean prompts. He refuses to answer. “Why are you asking me these questions, Dean?” Castiel asks instead. “Because, this is happening to you because of me,” Dean answers. Castiel is confused. Dean has nothing to do with his food and sleeping situation. “What do you mean?” “If I hadn’t told you to leave, you’d be with me.” Dean doesn’t look Castiel in the eye. Castiel frowns. “I know. That doesn’t make it your fault.” “Yes, it does.” Dean looks up resolutely. He glances over and waves at their waitress, signaling for the checks. “You’re coming back with me.” Castiel’s heart skips a beat. This is exactly what he wants to hear. This can’t be happening. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Maybe Dean is just saying it to be polite. “You don’t have to,” Castiel says, giving Dean the option to change his mind. “No, I do,” Dean answers. The waitress places a receipt on the table. Castiel realizes he’s doesn’t know how to pay like this. Dean takes his wallet out and places his credit card on the receipt. That’s when Castiel notices there’s just one receipt. “You don’t have to pay for me,” Castiel says. “Too bad.” “...thank you.” They both look at each other again. The guilt in Dean’s eyes is so clear. Castiel stares. What’s wrong with Dean? Why

is he feeling this way? And why is he feeling it so strongly? There’s movement to Castiel’s left, and he glances at the waitress as she takes Dean’s card. “Are you all set to leave?” Dean asks. “With me?” Castiel nods slowly. He isn’t sure why Dean is asking. “Do you have all your stuff?” Dean asks to clarify. Castiel only has his toiletries and a little bit of food plus his sleeping bag stored back at work. He does have enough money to buy more of that, though. He also doesn’t want to go back to work. Castiel answers, “Nothing that I can’t buy.” Dean nods. “Good.” But his features remain hard. The waitress comes back with Dean’s card. He quickly replaces it in his wallet, grabs his jacket, and stands. Castiel follows. He looks at the parking lot through the glass doors. Snow is coming down heavily. Castiel can already feel the wet flakes soaking through his thin work shirt and grimaces. “Here,” Dean says while holding out his jacket. Castiel glances up at him to confirm it’s okay to take it. Dean nods, and Castiel grabs it and puts it on. It’s a little big, but it’s warm, and it smells like Dean.

It feels like home. Dean leads them outside, and Castiel follows him to the Impala. He gets inside the passenger side. Dean turns the car on, and they start driving. Castiel feels himself relaxing. Being next to Dean back in the Impala is so familiar. And safe. He glances out the window. The snow is thick and heavy. “We might have to stop somewhere,” Dean says. “Okay,” Castiel responds. He doesn’t care what they do. Just as long as he’s back with Dean. Castiel doesn’t realize he’s dozed off until he jerks awake. Something is on his shoulder. He turns to see Dean’s hand. “Got us a motel room,” Dean explains. Castiel nods tiredly and steps out of the car. He closes the car door and wraps Dean’s jacket tighter around himself. The snow is sticking to the ground, and Castiel takes an experimental step. He makes a wet footprint. He steps next to it to make another footprint. Why is that fun? A big snowflake hits his shoe, and he looks up. The night sky is light from the swirling snow. It’s beautiful. It’s cold but cozy somehow. Castiel looks down from the sky to see Dean staring at him. He has a small smile on his face, and his eyes are lit with...something. His nose and cheeks are pink, softening the usual hard lines on his face. It’s...cute. The image of Dean smiling at him in the swirling snow makes Castiel feel warm inside. Contentment...no. Happiness. And a little bit of excitement. Castiel smiles and walks to Dean’s side. “I like the snow,” Castiel comments. “I hadn’t noticed.” Castiel blushes in embarrassment at the thought of Dean waiting on him while he stared at the snow. Dean’s hand touches Cas’ lower back as he leads them to their room. It only makes Castiel blush more. He hopes the cold disguises his red face. They finally reach their room. Dean fiddles with the key before finally getting the door open. He steps inside and turns on the light. The room is small and only a little warmer than it is outside. Dean immediately goes over to the thermostat. Castiel closes and locks the door. He walks over to the closest bed and sits down. He takes his shoes off. Then Castiel realizes he’s still wearing Dean’s jacket. He can’t help but feel a little disappointed at the thought of returning it. It’s like a little piece of Dean that’s his own. Castiel reluctantly takes the jacket off. “Dean.” He holds the jacket out to him. Dean turns from his spot near the thermostat. “Keep it for now. I have my flannel.” “Thanks.” Castiel hopes his excitement isn’t too obvious. He puts it back on and climbs under the covers. He lays down and stares at Dean.

Dean suddenly turns and says, “Sorry I didn’t bring any extra clothes. I thought I could make this in one trip. So, uh, yeah. Sorry.” His eyes dance around the room before settling on Cas.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Castiel replies.

Dean quickly looks away and focuses on the thermostat again. But Castiel notices the tears he was trying to blink back. Dean finishes figuring out the thermostat and turns on the bedside lamp. He walks back towards the door and turns off the main light before falling on his bed. He rolls over to turn the lamp off. “Dean?” Castiel asks. Dean glances over. “Yeah?” “Thank you for coming back for me.” Dean stares. Then must realize he’s staring and clears his throat awkwardly. “It’s what family does.” He clicks off the lamp. Castiel smiles, grateful the darkness covers it. But he doesn’t see Dean’s smile, mirroring his own.

[regrettablewritings]

Can I request a Love head canon with Geralt please? I just read the pre-relationship one you did for Jaskier and I absolutely loved it!!

I mean... I can try 😅 Though, I think it should go without saying that Geralt isn’t exactly synonymous with love and affection as we relatively human beings interpret them . . .

Who said “I love you” first?: Assuming we’re sticking strictly to the verbal expression of the phrase, I believe you already know the answer to this. After all, it’s simply not in Geralt’s nature to be the most talkative person, much less vulnerable and affectionate. And that’s referring to his nature as being Geralt of Rivia and not specifically his nature of being a Witcher. You could wait an entire run of three human lifetimes and still potentially have to wait just a bit more to hear Geralt willingly say, “I love you” in this manner. It’s nothing against you, of course, but it’s better for you to recognize this and accept it than force otherwise. Besides, it’s not as though he doesn’t appreciate it: Deep down, Geralt is beyond startled that you would willingly apply such affection and devotion to him of all people, and a Witcher at that! Though, if you’re willing to stretch the expression one uses for “I Love you”, then it’s arguable that Geralt said it first, in some way, considering that . . .

What are their primary love languages?: Geralt is a very . . . sexual being. Physically aggressive. And considering his complex relationship with Yennefer, it therefore would stand to reason that his primary expression of “love” comes in the form of physical touch. Hell, if love languages were a thing acknowledged of the period (and if Geralt ever even cared to acknowledge them), he might’ve grunted and agreed so himself, even if only to get the conversation over faster. But the longer he spends having you as his companion, the more evident it becomes to him that this may not be the case. The thing is, physical touch can be more than just sexual release -- but for him, that’s all it ever was, simply because it was easier for him to do when Yennefer was still around. But since then, he’s come to recognize that perhaps he has more to offer than he gave himself credit for: Geralt operates through acts of service. Geralt is never going to be the most openly expressive one of the bunch, even when it pertains to you. But he’s always going to show his care for those whom he has a soft spot for by assuring their safety and well-being -- in odds and ends, so to speak. He’s never going to write you sonnets or wax poetically to you; he will rarely hold your hand just for the sake of doing so, or be the best at offering words that could technically be comprehended as affectionate. But when he notices you’re tired, he won’t hesitate to place you on Roach’s back -- an absolute honor, considering his protectiveness towards the mare. He’ll make sure that you’re warm and sheltered when you break camp, even if it comes at the cost of his own comfort (not that he feels much of a difference after this point anyway). If he thinks you may be doing something or even considering doing something that might put you in harm’s way or cause you mental or emotional pain, he’s unafraid to shoot that shit down (he loves you enough to let you hate him, so to speak). It may be the bare minimum that he saves you from a death of cold or starvation or hazardous encounters, but for him, it’s a way of showing he at least respects your right to continue living. He doesn’t really expect anything back besides respect. And perhaps some . . . physical comforts. But, once again, to his surprise, he’s not solely focused on physical touch when it comes to you. At least, not as intensely as he normally would be. What Geralt specifically appreciates form you is words of affirmation. But only from you: None of that showy, obnoxious nonsense that Jaskier calls music. Geralt likes feeling recognized as a person, questionable as that sort of title might actually be. He just likes being talked to to a degree, over small things. The affirmations come where you openly appreciate him for his efforts and bravery, and even when you thank him for taking care of you. Being a Witcher is a thankless job. But hearing you appreciate him for everything, big and small, and acknowledging his more humanistic traits at the same time? It does him more good than both you and he ever thought it could.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?: The closest you get is when the two of you are either in a very crowded market place or are running and you’re having trouble keeping up: He’ll hold your hand to assure you don’t get separated or left behind. There’s also, of course, the preservation of body heat when the both of you wind up breaking camp on a particularly cold night.  But other than that, I wouldn’t expect much in the ways of affection.

What are their favorite things to do together?: The lifestyle you both lead (well, that Geralt leads -- you simply adopted it by association) doesn’t exactly lend itself well to couples’ hobbies . . . But the two of you haven’t bitten each other’s throats out yet, so clearly you’re doing something right, no? You aren’t quite sure what it is, but you heavily suspect that it might be when you ask Geralt to tell you about the creatures he’s encountered. Not in the “Tell Me Stories of Your Amazing Feats” kind of way, but more so in a manner of “Please Make Me Aware of the Weird, Strange, and Horrific Beings Lurking in This World and How To Combat Them”. Which suits Geralt well enough, as he tends to skimp on the details and doesn’t care to describe battles or anything of the sort. He knows that you’ll never be a Witcher, but it surely couldn’t hurt you to have an awareness of the world around you. Besides, he’s witnessed far too often the slaughtering of perfectly harmless creatures due to ignorance -- he feels a sense of relief when you express an interest in learning how to differentiate beasts with intentions of harm and beasts that simply want to be left alone unless provoked.

Who’s better at comforting the other?: Neither of you is especially great at it, but for different reasons. Though it should at least be said that you’re better skilled at comforting than Geralt is: You by far are the more emotionally available and intelligent one between the two of you, so the efforts you put forward are at least more overt. However, given that Geralt is a rather standoffish person and not especially prone to expressing vulnerabilities of any kind, it’s hard for you to know if you’re getting through to him. He won’t make it blatantly obvious if something is bothering him unless it’s bothering him in a way that earns his aggression -- and even then, he doesn’t need comfort, he needs you to gently chide him and calm him down as one does to an agitated horse or dog. Or a wolf, in this case. Meanwhile, Geralt . . . just isn’t the best at comforting people. At least, not in the most traditional sense. When he tries to be, it comes off very awkwardly, the words not filled confidence as much as they are hesitancy. It’s only made worse by the fact that his gruff, barely-used voice just isn’t compatible with the words he tries to use. Which is why he feels the best he can really offer to do is just say nothing at all. He won’t reject you or even flinch if you were to bury yourself into his side, instead just slowly placing an arm around you and trying to give a consoling, if stiff, pat on the back. Please know that this is him trying his best, and that he’ll be far more relieved than you’ll be if you actually do find some semblance of comfort in his seemingly low-effort efforts.

Who’s more protective?: Geralt wouldn’t consider what he does protection -- it’s simply what he, well, does. He’s always fighting creatures (and people) in self-defense or for a cause of some kind. And whenever Jaskier joins the two of you, or once Ciri becomes a part of his life, the job only intensifies. Him keeping you alive is simply common decency, lover or not. But if one were to ask someone who’s more emotionally observant like, say, a certain bard who occasionally accompanies the two of you, then he would beg to differ: Geralt is fiercely protective of you, he just does so quietly. Contrary to his stony nature,he does value your well-being. And even if you’re a commendable fighter, he acknowledges that it’s not as up to snuff as his own, making him feel more obligated to assure you come out of encounters alive and well. This is more obvious in the wilderness, of course, but when it comes to civilization he tends to become a bit more lax. He trusts you enough to measure your options when, say, some men at a pub are making particularly bawdy comments about you. He also trusts you to know when to whip out that knife you always keep on you. However, you needn’t worry about him turning a blind eye, should things threaten to escalate: Whether you’re at a marketplace buying some necessities, or paying for your meal at a tavern, Geralt is never so far away that he can’t keep a close eye on you or be unable to step in, should the environment intensify.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?: Geralt likes verbal affirmations, yes, but don’t discount physical: At least he doesn’t have to talk or respond when at the end of a long day, you sit next to him and nuzzle your head up to the crook of his neck. Plus there’s the whole intimacy he experiences for the first time in its true form when you and he finally decide to take that step.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?: Hm. It’s hard to say, especially considering that Geralt is a hard person to apply music to, much less music with a narrative or one that actually sounds like anything he might listen to, particularly in a romantic setting. I had to push past that mindset just to pick anything, and what that got me to conclude was something along the lines of “Love Like You” by Rebecca Sugar or "Resilience” by Thomas Newman. Maybe “My Blood” by Twenty-One Pilots. I can’t place exactly how or why, especially sound-wise, but these just stood out to me in particular . . .

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?: You two don’t really resort to nicknames, actually. “Geralt” isn’t exactly an easy name to harvest a nickname out of, and he doesn’t do anything that particularly warrants one in reference to an idiosyncrasy. The closest you ever got was trying out “Wolfy” in reference to his title as “The White Wolf” but the look the attempt received, coupled with your own realized distaste for it, made you drop it in an instant. And Geralt just isn’t the sort to apply nicknames in the first place.

Thank you for requesting this! I hope I did okay . . .

[checkurwindow]

ten ways

Book: Open Heart

Warning: So sweet your dentist would be concerned Rating: General Pairing: Bryce x F!MC Word count: 6500+ Author’s note: I finally wrote something that isn’t angst and oh god is it long. I spent so much time on this so please please consider reblogging and let me know what you thought of it, and maybe check out my masterlist while you’re at it.

1.

There was truly no better way to start off senior year than arriving late to her first class. 

In her defense, she had left the house early. For once in her life, she was actually going to be early to school. She was so proud of herself, and was so certain that she had extra time that she allowed herself to stop at a drive-thru and get a drink as a reward to herself. Everything was going according to plan. 

That is, until the lady in the car in front of her decided she wasn’t pleased with her order and made the barista redo it; and to make sure he didn’t mess up her order a second time, the barista was extra careful. And extra slow. 

She groaned as she watched the time tick pass minute by minute. Just her luck. 

She watched the barista hand the drink to the lady in front and breathed a sigh of relief. Yet, the car didn’t move, not a single inch. The drink was already in her hand, but the lady just had to continue to talk with the barista. 

She cursed under her breath and banged her head on the steering wheel in frustration. She must’ve been more aggressive than she was expecting, because her horn went off, and loudly at that.

She jumped back in shock at the noise. The lady poked her head out of her car window and immediately began lecturing her on how rude she was being. At least, that’s what she assumed she was saying, she really couldn’t hear her with her windows rolled up. She bit her lip, gave a little wave, and mouthed an apology.

Eventually, the lady finished her rant and left the drive-thru. She got her drink, no longer a reward and more of a consolation, and sped to school.

There weren’t any other students in the parking lot by the time she got there, only a reminder of just how late she was. Shoving all her things back inside her backpack, she locked the door and hurried into the building.

Of course, her first class just had to be with Mr. Anderson. Any other teacher would have just let her tardiness slide, but not him, never him. She opened the door to his classroom, and any conversation that had been going on stopped. 

More than a dozen pairs of eyes turned their attention to her, and she wanted to melt into the floor right then and there. 

“Nice of you to finally join us,” Mr. Anderson addressed her. He narrowed his eyes at the nervous student, leaning against his desk as he sized her up, “if you’re done being a distraction to my class, I’d appreciate it if you would take a seat.

She swallowed roughly and nodded. He went back to lecturing the class on how his classes would be conducted, and she did her best to find a seat as quietly as she could. Instinctively, she made her way over to where her friends were sitting.

Bryce moved his backpack off the desk next to him and quietly whispered, “I saved you a seat.” 

She gave him a grateful smile and mouthed back a ‘thanks’.

Sienna leaned forward, “Anderson really wasn’t amused with you, huh?”

“I swear he hates me,” she insisted.

Bryce rolled his eyes, “he doesn’t hate you, Boo.”

“Bryce is right,” she said, “everyone knows he just hates women,” she stressed the last part with exaggerated disgust.

2. 

Late-night study sessions had evolved to become code for hanging out at Danny’s house and messing around. 

Sienna was dating Danny, so naturally, she had become friends with him and his friends by association. Sienna, Aurora, and her were actually trying to study. Danny and Elijah were discussing the school football team’s chances of winning their next game, and Jackie and Bryce were in the kitchen getting snacks and undoubtedly bickering about something completely irrelevant. 

“Okay, Sienna,” Aurora held up a flashcard, “what can you tell me about the defenestration of Prague?” 

“Uh, people were thrown out of windows for fun?” She replied, barely having read that chapter of the textbook.

“No- well, actually, I suppose you’re technically not completely wrong.”

She let her body fall back against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. If she had to stay there any longer, she would’ve thrown herself out the window. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to hang out with her friends, it was just that after a long day of school, she wasn’t exactly thrilled to spend more time with the people she had already spent most of the day with. 

“Sorry I’m late, I just spent the better part of the last hour trying to explain to a group of freshmen that I won’t be dating or teaching “my ways” to any one of them,” he shuddered dramatically as he walked into the living room where everyone was.

“Ah yes, I almost forgot I was friends with the Bryce Lahela,” she said overdramatically.

He rolled his eyes but decided to amuse her nonetheless, “what can I say, I’m just clearly superior.”

She scoffed but refused to dignify him with any further response. Instead, she closed her eyes and pretended she was back at home under her warm, soft covers. 

“I brought you food.”

That caught her attention. Cautiously opening an eye to see if he was telling the truth, she was met with the sight of him holding up a bag of fast food that he must have picked up on his way over. She couldn’t help the growing smile on her face as she sat upright. 

“For me?” She asked.

“Of course, Munchkin” he handed the bag over to her, “you skipped lunch to finish up the science project you were behind on and I’m certain you haven’t gotten around to eating anything yet,” he said confidently.

She happily pulled an order of large fries out of the bag, “have I ever told you how amazing you are, Bryce?”

He smiled, “not often enough.”

“Well, you are. So amazing.”

She had just finished the fries and was looking through the back to see what else he had gotten her when Danny called out to her.

“What are your thoughts on Rafael?” He asked.

“Aveiro?”

“Yep.”

She tilted her head, “he’s okay, pretty cute. Why?”

“He told me he likes you, even wanted me to ask if you were single?” Danny said nonchalantly.

Sienna immediately got invested and joined in on the conversation, “she is very single, and I for one think they would be a great couple!”

She could feel her cheeks begin to heat up, and suddenly she found the hardwood floors very interesting, “I don’t know…he actually likes me?”

“That’s what he told me,” Danny replied, “can I give him your number?”

She weighed her options before giving a careless shrug, “Yeah, why not?” 

“You and Rafael? I knew this day would come,” Aurora commented.

“Okay, we’ve talked about this long enough. We need to study,” she insisted, pulling out her textbook.

“I’d rather not fail this test,” Bryce agreed.

Everyone begrudgingly went back to their previous activities, and Bryce took that opportunity to fill up the space next to her on the couch. She flipped through pages of her textbook before coming to a stop. She passed the textbook to Bryce and pointed to a large picture on the page.

“This one’s my favourite,” she said. 

“Wanderer above the Sea of Fog,” he read,  “you’re a fan of Caspar David Friedrich?”

She shrugged, “I guess I’m just a fan of the Romantic moment in general. Everything was so creative and beautiful. I just think it’s crazy how this painting holds so much emotion.”

Bryce frowned, looked at the painting, then back at her, “it certainly is romantic.”

She gave the painting one last look before she began flipping through the pages of the textbook again. Bryce watched her curiously as she read over the vocabulary words for that week. After a while, he decided to say what was on his mind. 

“So,” he broke the silence, “you and Rafael, huh?”

“Yeah,” suddenly, the furry carpet on the floor looked beyond interesting, “I used to have a crush on him in middle school, remember?”

His mouth broke out into a smile, “Sienna and I used to tease you about it all the time! No wonder you’re so bad at chemistry,” he joked. 

“I happen to be pretty extraordinary at chemistry, thank you very much.”

“Hm, I think that botched experiment that nearly killed Mrs. Durnam tells a very different story,” he said, and she playfully punched his arm. 

“She’s still alive, isn’t he? Plus, you were the one who didn’t make me double-check!”

He had an amused look on his face, “keep telling that to yourself, babe.”

3.

He was tired, the sheets were too hot. It had been a long day, his body was exhausted. The air in his bedroom was too cold, his mind was tired, too. If he would just close his eyes and stop thinking, he’d be asleep in mere minutes. Now the sheets were hot again, so he kicked them off. Then the air was too cold, so he pulled the sheets over him again. Not thinking ironically proved to be harder than perceived. Go then if you must, but remember, no matter how fooli- damn it, Sophocles, damn your terribly beautiful words.

Bryce threw the covers onto the other side of the bed and sat up. He wasn’t going to get much sleep that night no matter how hard he tried, anyway, no need to lie to himself. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, if there even had been any sleep in the first place.

There was no doubt that he was tired both mentally and physically. But emotionally? His heart was eternally restless when it came that. He crossed his room and sat down at the expensive wooden desk, fully accepting that getting any rest that night was no longer a viable option.

The bright light from his computer was a harsh contrast to the darkness of the room, but his eyes adjusted soon enough. Bryce didn’t even know what he was doing on his computer in the middle of the night. 

But his subconscious knew. His fingers opened up the application and started scrolling. No, no, yes. God, no. yes, definitely, perfect. And that went on for an hour or so, though Bryce wasn’t exactly keeping track of time. He’d be near-dead at sunrise, but he wasn’t going to get any sleep until he finished. 

When he actually did finish, he smiled contentedly to himself. A wave of calmness washed over him, and before he knew it, he was face down and lost in his dreams asleep.

He looked terrible the next morning. Well, as terrible as Bryce Lahela could look. He still dressed as great as always, even styling his hair with a little more volume than usual. He was still sharp as ever in class, but anyone who really knew him could tell that he was a total mess. 

“Hey, you okay?” She asked during lunch in Mr. Jericho’s classroom (He had been kind enough to let a bunch of teenagers spend lunch in his class; the cafeteria just wasn't cool enough for them).

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”

She cocked her head to one side, “no you aren’t, spill.”

“Don’t worry about me. I actually have a little something for you,” Bryce fished his phone out of his pocket.

“You have something for me?”

“Sending it now. Aaaand…...check your phone!”

She raised an eyebrow and cautiously unlocked her phone to look at the text he had sent to her.

“Sophocles and Serotonin,” she read off her phone, “ what is this?” 

“I made you a playlist of songs that I thought you’d like.”

“Seriously?” A smile emerged on her lips, and Bryce couldn’t help himself but to reflect it, “When did you even have the time for this?”

He shrugged nonchalantly, “I happened to have free time last night.”

“With Mr. Anderson's early deadlines? I smell a steaming hot pile of bullshit, Lahela,” She looked up at him, a teasing lilt prominent in her tone, “I appreciate the playlist even more now that I know you took the time out of your night to make it. Thank you, Bryce.”

She leaned forward on the desk she was seated on and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He froze like a deer in headlights, and if she noticed, she definitely didn’t say anything. He compiled himself back together before she could notice that his usual smirk wasn’t as smug as it usually was, and leaned back against the desk behind him in an attempt to look cool. 

“So, what’re you doing after school?” He asked in his best casual voice. 

“Rafael and I are going to see a movie.”

“That’s actually still a thing?”

She shot him a look that made him raise his hands up in surrender, “Yes, it’s still a thing. He’s a good guy, I really like him.” 

“But is he good enough for you?” He crossed his arms, eyes not leaving hers. It wasn’t that Bryce didn’t like Rafael. Rafael was great, but no guy would ever be good enough for his best friend. 

“He is,” She said with an eye roll, “why do you care anyway?”

“Just looking out for you, Sweetheart.”

“I can take care of myself perfectly fine, Scout.”

His eyebrows shot up his forehead, an impressed look across his face, “trust me, I know.”

4. 

Summer felt like an eternity ago, when in reality, it had been less than two months ago The yellow-orange leaves and updated Starbucks menu was enough to convince anyone that it was already October. 

It took a lot of sweet-talking and a tiny bit of bribery to convince Bryce to attend the Homecoming football game, but with Sienna’s assistance, she eventually got him to cave. She wanted him there, but more importantly, she wanted him to give her a ride there. 

Of course, she could have taken her own car, but she would much rather not waste her own gas when she could take advantage of his instead. It wasn’t like it mattered to him, his parents paid for his car, insurance, and gas anyway. Plus, the seat warming function in his cushy Mercedes Benz was a huge incentive.

She spent most of the ride over to the stadium raving over the seat warmers, and he spent most of the ride making fun of how obsessed she was with said seat warmer. Eventually, they parked outside and paid for the entrance fees. 

“It’s kinda co-” before she could even finish her sentence remarking the cold weather, Bryce handed her a comfy looking (and feeling) sweatshirt. She looked down at the maroon sweatshirt, then back at him, her mouth slightly ajar, “You brought an extra sweatshirt for me? I didn’t even ask.”

“You didn’t need to,” he shrugged. 

She put on the sweatshirt and stared at him with wide eyes. Bryce glanced at her, bit the inside of his lip, then shook his head, “Don’t go thinking I care about you or anything now, Lovey. I couldn’t have you taking the sweatshirt I’m wearing, then I’d freeze up. 

She looked up at him with a smug grin on her face that made him regret bringing her the sweatshirt in the first place, “Yeah? Is that really all it was?”

“Yes, that’s all, Sunshine,” he did his best to act all annoyed by her questioning, but instead found it endearing in the end. 

It took him a moment, but eventually, he came up with a half-decent excuse, “besides, you know my grandma would kill me if she knew I let you freeze. I swear, sometimes it seems like she loves you more than she loves me.”

“That’s because she does,” she pointed it out like it was the only possibility, “can you blame her? I’m funny and adorable. You’re just a grumpy old man that I had to drag to this game.”

“That’s it. Take the sweatshirt off, I hope you freeze,” he said with the dirtiest look he could muster and she had the audacity to throw her head back and laugh.

She reached into her bag, and after digging around, she pulled a five-dollar bill out of her wallet. Thrusting the money into Bryce��s hand and pushing him in the direction of the concession stand, “here, go get some popcorn for us. Maybe then you won’t be so irritable once you get some food in you, I’ll find us some good seats.’

Bryce grumbled something about “you’re irritable” but nonetheless ventured off towards the concession stand. 

She climbed the steps up the stadium and immediately found Sienna and Danny sitting in the student section, all decked out in their school colours and face paint. Sienna greeted her with a warm hug. 

Pulling back, Sienna took note of what she was wearing, “is that Bryce’s?”

She looked down at the Stanford sweatshirt she had wrapped around herself, “Oh yes, it’s pretty comfortable, actually.”

Sienna pursed her lips and mulled over the new information, “What’s going on between the two of you?”

“What do you mean? We’re friends,” she shrugged.

“And Bryce knows that?” She paused, “Do you know that?”

She narrowed her eyes at Sienna, “Yes, of course I know that. I’m dating Rafael now, okay? Bryce and I have always just been friends, and that's all we’ll ever be.” Sienna nodded her head, “Okay, okay. If you say so, I believe you. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt, I care about both of you.”

“There aren’t any feelings between Bryce and I, don’t worry,” she said, but those words didn’t leave her mind for the rest of the night.

5. 

Bryce had spent a significant amount of the week dreaming about the coffee and cookie dough ice cream that was waiting for him in the freezer.

It was his favourite flavour, and there was just enough left in the carton for one last bowl of that sweet sweet goodness of a food. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t eat the last of it until he really deserved to. After spending his afternoon being productive and studying for the test he had tomorrow, he decided that he finally earned that delectable bowl of unhealthy but utterly delicious caramel-colored ice cream. 

He made his way down to the kitchen, humming an upbeat tune and sliding across the smooth marble floor in his most comfortable pair of socks. Bryce had made it all the way to the freezer, barely moments away from the compartment holding his currently most prized possession when a hasty knock at the front door stopped him in his tracks.

He paused. He was oh so close to getting to his ice cream; maybe it was just a delivery? He debated answering the door or ignoring it and getting the ice cream first. He was starting to lean towards just going for his bowl of ice cream when there was a knock at the door again. With a scowl on his face, he abandoned the freezer and any hope for happiness he had left and made his way to the front door.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” He said in surprise when he saw who was standing at her doorstep.

“I didn’t know who else to go to. Sienna’s out with Danny, and Aurora and Jackie aren’t good in situations like this,” she spoke quietly and sniffled in between sentences, trying not to let any more tears fall down her cheek, “sorry, I just-”

He interrupted her by pulling her into the darkening sky and into his house and arms. She melted into his touch and gripped his shirt tightly as she hugged him back. 

“What happened?” he asked softly, rubbing circles into her back with his thumbs.

“Rafael and I broke up.”

Bryce sighed softly and rested his chin on her head. He bit his lip and weighed the options in front of him, before he came to a reluctant conclusion. He pulled away just enough so that he could look her in her teary bloodshot eyes.

“I think this is the part where we break out the ice cream.”

She offered him a slightly trembling smile, “ice cream couldn’t hurt.”

He led her to the kitchen and began digging through the freezer while she hopped onto the counter beside him. He hid a frown from her while in the process of pulling the nearly empty carton of coffee and cookie dough ice cream out of the freezer.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” Bryce asked, retrieving a bowl from one of the cabinets.

“It wasn’t even a bad break up,” Despite her words, she still wiped at her tears using the sleeves of her shirt, “we mutually agreed that it was best for both of us.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded, “he’s just...not the one, I guess.”

Bryce felt something twist and turn in his stomach, and he knew it wasn’t right to be happy when his friend was so miserable, but he was anyway. He did his best to hide the smile that wanted to form at the corners of his mouth, “I’m sorry, Cupcake.”

She laughed, “Cupcake?”

He rolled his eyes, but the grin on his face remained, “I’m trying something new, okay? Running out of nicknames.”

She couldn’t help but match his infectious smile, “you’re not gonna have any ice cream?” she asked as he passed her the bowl.

“Nah, not in the mood for it,” he lied.

6. 

“Did you get enough sleep last night, Hon?” She was already in mid-yawn when he had asked the question.

She held a hand over her mouth and nodded, “yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You look terrible.”

She scowled at him, “wow, just what a girl wants to hear. Anyone ever tell you you’re one hell of a charmer, Lahela?”

“You’d be surprised, actually,” he gave her a teasing smile, “so who’s the cause for your sleepless night?”

“Napoleon Bonaparte.” She made an emphasis on the textbook in her hands, “Why’d I ever let you convince me to take an AP class with you?”

“Because you so desperately enjoy spending time with me?”

“Nah, that’s not it.”

“Ouch,” Bryce held a hand over his heart, “you really stayed up late studying for the quiz?”

“Some people have to study, okay? Not everyone is as gifted as Bryce flippin’ Lahela.”

“Flippin’? Really?” He stifled a laugh.

“We’re at school, gotta keep it PG,” she shrugged, “so yeah, I stay up and study sometimes. High schoolers aren’t supposed to get a normal amount of sleep, it’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes I worry about you.”

She tilted her head to the side and gave him a small smile, “you don’t need to worry about me, Bry.” 

“Believe me, if I could just shut it off, I would. Look, I’ll make you a stack of flashcards next time so you can get more sleep.”

She was about to say something in response when her phone rang in her pocket, “I should get this.”

She went out into the hallway to answer the call, and Bryce turned back to his lunch, not even bothering to hide his growing smile. 

“Bryce.”

He jumped at the sound of a voice and turned to see Sienna sitting at the desk across from him. Had she been listening to them the whole time? He had completely forgotten she was there; a fact he certainly wasn’t about to share with her. 

“Yes, Sienna?”

“Do you have a crush on her?”

Bryce blinked a few times, certain that he hadn’t heard Sienna right, “Excuse me?

Sienna rolled her eyes, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “You heard me right. I’m not blind, Bryce. I see the way you look at her when you think no one is focusing. Do you have a crush on her?”

“That’s ridiculous, where’d you even get the idea from?”” He made a face like he was disgusted by the very thought of it. 

“Oh, I dunno, you just do whatever it takes to make her happy. Not to mention that you have a different pet name for her every time I see you two, seems pretty affectionate to me, Bryce.” She did always have a talent for laying out the facts.

“We’ve been friends since before I could remember, of course I care about her. And so what if I have a nickname for her? It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It’s not like you have a nickname for anyone else.”

“I call you...Si...all the time,” he paused to rethink what he just said, “I have a nickname for everyone.” 

“We both know that’s a load of B.S, are you really telling me that you don’t like her?”

“I don’t like her,” and it wasn’t an exact lie, because the feelings he had for her had progressed far beyond liking. 

7. 

“There’s nothing people appreciate more than a hand-made gift, right?” She said and pulled out a ball of azure coloured yarn.

Bryce crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against a wall, “Sure, except maybe a nice Rolex or a new car.”

She gave him a look, “I don’t know what it is about me that makes you think I can afford a Rolex or a new car. I’m an unemployed high school student, my only income comes in the form of birthday cards from my grandparents.”

“Well, I’m sure Sienna will love the scarf you make for her.”

“Yeah, how hard could it be?” She muttered and stared blankly at the mess of strings in her lap.

His eyes widened a little, “Wait, you’re telling me you’ve never crocheted before?”

“I'll get the hang of it soon enough,” she pulled up a beginners guide on YouTube, and five minutes later, she had a knotted pile of yarn in her hands. She huffed in frustration and began to aggressively pull at the yarn.

“Let me help you.”

“You? Know how to knit?” She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. 

Bryce rolled his eyes, sitting next to her and taking the “scarf” out of her hands, “This is crocheting. You don’t even use knitting needles”

“Apologies. And how do you even know how to crochet?” 

“I may or may not have taken lessons a couple summers back to impress Alisson Rivers?” He admitted, quickly untangling her “progress” and began to expertly thread the loops of yarn together. He held up his work to her once a pattern had begun to form, “being incredibly sexy has its perks,” he jokingly winked at her. 

“I hate that you’re good at everything.”

He snorted and gently began to move the work into her hands for her to finish the rest, “Not everything, maybe just most things.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,”  She waved him off, now laser-focused on the project in front of her and determined to get it right that time. Bryce gave her tips and advice every once in a while, but for the most part, he let her work on it by herself. She was a fast learner. 

“Sweethea-” Bryce cut himself off, remembering the conversation he had with Sienna earlier. He cleared his throat, “you’re never gonna get it like that.”

She looked up at him with furrowed brows, “What?” He swallowed roughly and shook his head, “It’s nothing. Just...you’re going to wanna pull the yarn a little tighter or it’s all going to unravel before you’re even finished.”

“Oh,” She gave him a thankful smile, “thanks, Bryce.”

8.

It was almost 2 in the morning, and she knew that getting any more than four of sleep was out of the equation at that point. She wasn’t exactly trying very hard to sleep. She had tried to refresh her Instagram feed maybe two dozen times now, but it wasn’t as if anyone was going to post in the middle of the night. And even so, Instagram was doing a fairly poor job at keeping her mind distracted. 

Sighing out in frustration, she threw her body back onto her bed with a loud sigh. She wrinkled her nose and finally caved in to her temptations, navigating to the facetime app on her phone. Hesitating one last time, she tapped his contact with her thumb. The phone began to hum as she waited for him to pick up. 

“Hey, Bry. I know it’s late,” she said when he finally answered the phone. She frowned when he realised he was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, “sorry, did I wake you up?”

“No, no. I couldn’t sleep anyway,” replied his groggy and raspy voice. 

“I know you’re lying, Bryce. Don’t worry about it, go back to sleep”

“I was already up.”

“No, you weren’t. It’s really fine, don’t let me bother you.

He stopped rubbing his eyes and looked at her firmly through the camera, “Maybe I was asleep, but I’m up now, aren’t I? Don’t worry about waking me up. Besides, I’d much rather be talking to you.’

She pursed her lips, giving him a doubtful look. He was too polite to ever tell her if she was bothering him. She couldn’t tell if he genuinely wanted to talk to her, or if he was too courteous to tell her otherwise.

He noticed the look she gave him, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you don’t believe me. I would’ve stopped being friends with you years ago if I didn’t find all your annoying habits endearing as hell. I promise,” he shot her a smug smile that almost made her wish she hadn’t called him up. 

“How kind of you,” she said sarcastically.

“I try,” his grin widened, if that were even possible, “so what did you want to talk to me about?” 

She chewed on her bottom lip and shrugged, “I dunno.”

“You don’t?” Bryce narrowed his eyes and leaned closer to the camera. After he had examined her carefully, he leaned back and crossed his arms, “Yeah you do. What is it?”

She shifted uncomfortably by how easy it was for him to see right through her. Once more that night, she caved, “Earlier, when you told me to tighten the yarn. You stopped yourself from calling me ‘sweetheart’.”

He tensed, but she didn’t notice, “I mean, what’s so unusual about that? That's a perfectly normal thing for someone to do.”

“I know,” she nodded, “but you always call me some cheesy pet name. Always. So, did something happen? Are you mad at me?”

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “No, of course not. Everything’s fine,” he paused, “that really upset you?”

“It’s just that you’ve always had a nickname for me, I guess I got used to it.”

He laughed through his nose and couldn’t stop the amused smile from spreading across his lips, “Okay, Boo.”

9. 

“Am I finally going to get to see your mural?”

Bryce rolled his eyes, “It isn’t my mural, Love. It’s the senior mural, it’s not like I’m painting it.”

“Yeah, but it was your idea,” she gave him a playful nudge, “I don’t know why you haven’t told me what it is yet. I’m sure if the amazing Bryce Lahela designed it, it’ll be the best senior mural this school has ever seen. 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Babe. I’d hate to disappoint you.”

“You could never disappoint me,” she said matter-of-factly, “you’re Bryce Lahela.”

They turned the corner to see their fellow senior, Kyra Santana, working on the mural. The previously beige wall was now covered in black, gray, and light blue paint. In the middle of the painting was a figure made up of colourful handprints standing above the blue-gray ocean in front of them. 

She stared at the mural with an open mouth. She glanced from Kyra, to Bryce, then back to the artwork in front of her.

“It was my idea to make the figure all colourful with the handprints,” Bryce said, “I thought it would be nice to let our class literally leave a mark on this school.”

Kyra smiled at the mural and set her paintbrush down, “I was a great idea, the splash of colour is just what it needed,” she turned to her, “what do you think?”

“Like it? No, I...I love it, it’s perfect,” she turned to Bryce with wide eyes, “Wanderer above the Sea of Fog, this is my favourite painting.”

“I noticed--don’t give me that look. It’s not like I care that much, you just never shut up about this painting. It’s annoying, really,” he muttered, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at his shoes.

She smiled and turned her attention back to the mural, “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this. I can’t believe you remembered.”

“Of course. It’s worth it, seeing how much you like it.”

There was a beat of silence.

“You’re the kind of person I could fall in love with, you know that?” She didn’t take her eyes off the wall that the mural proudly sat on, and Bryce was glad.

Maybe if she had looked at him, she would have seen his breath catch in his throat and his eyes widen just a little bit. If he was the kind of person she could fall in love with, then why didn’t she? Bryce was flustered, and if she had noticed his lack of response, she didn’t mention it.

10.

Their high school was filled with rich kids. Their high school also had a debate team with a minimal number of members. These factors resulted in Bryce and her having their own separate hotel rooms when they attended a debate function in Washington D.C.

After a long day of debating and watching other teams debate, she and Bryce walked side by side down the narrow corridor to their respective rooms. Every now and then, they sneaked looks at each other when they thought the other wouldn’t notice.

Bryce cleared his throat, “So that guy in the blue shirt asked me for your number.”

She glanced up at him, “He did? Did you give it to him?”

“No.”

“What? Why not?”

“Thought he was out of your league. I told him you snored like an ogre and gave him Jackie’s number instead,” he said with a careless shrug.

She gasped and shoved his shoulder, “Are you kidding me? You know I don’t snore, he was cute and interested in me!”

“Can’t imagine why.”

She scowled, “For your information, I’m adorable. I’m funny, enjoyable to be around, and have a high tolerance for assholes who shut down opportunities for their friends. And I’m extremely attractive, which is an added plus.”

“You don’t need to sell me on reasons why you’re dateable,” he chuckled softly.

“Oh yeah?”

At that very moment, they turned to face each other. Their teasing banter stopped when they realised that they were only inches apart, able to hear every inhale and exhale of the other. His gaze flickered down to her lips, and it was only for a second, but she hadn’t missed a single bit of it. 

Bryce took a step back and cleared his throat, standing rather uncomfortably, “It’s late, we should go to bed. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” she echoed before they both hurriedly turned around and stepped into their own rooms.

Had he almost kissed her? Did that really just happen? Her mind wandered as she leaned against her hotel room door. 

Maybe she had just imagined it. She shook the thought out of her head and grabbed a sweatshirt along with a pair of shorts out of her suitcase. Maybe she would stop thinking about it after a good night's rest. She changed, brushed her teeth, and was about to turn the lights off when she felt that nagging feeling bubble up in the pits of her stomach once more.

It was naive to think her mind would stop racing that night if she didn’t confront Bryce about it. She set the covers that were in her hands down and made her way out into the fluorescent-lit hallway. She had made it all the way to his door when she stopped herself. 

Was that really what she wanted to do? If she brought up their almost-kiss, would they ever be able to go back to being friends? Did she even want them to go back to being just friends? She bit her lip and glanced back at her own room door. She should’ve just gone to bed, it wasn’t worth putting their entire friendship on the line. But then again, she would always wonder what could have happened if she never followed her gut.

She raised her fist to knock on his door, but before she could make contact, the door swung open. They once more stood face to face, their wide-eyed expressions mirroring each other. For a moment in time, all that stood between them were the accelerated heartbeat and the flutters they felt for one another. 

Bryce’s arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Her hand had found its place on the back of his neck and guided his lips to hers. His eyes were half-open, sneaking glances at her to assure himself that he wasn’t dreaming. Her overwhelming scent and the feeling of his hands threaded through her hair were all too real.

He pulled her into his room, kicking the closed door behind him. Placing both hands on his broad chest, she pushed him back onto the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips.

Thoughts were racing in her mind. She tried to put reason to the way he gripped her waist so tightly that there were sure to be bruises there the very next day. She tried to put reason to the way his pupils dilated as she went in for another kiss; she came up empty-handed. 

There was no way she felt the same, Bryce told himself. There was no way that she loved him the way he loved her. For as long as he could remember, he had been in love with her, and for as long as he could remember, she had only seen him as her friend.

He missed the warmth of her lips when she pulled away, but he couldn’t help but admire the way her lips were slightly swollen and her hair was a mess. Her eyes were mesmerising, and the way the light highlighted the softness of her skin made him fall even more. He took that moment to memorise every line and curve of her face, forever branding that memory into his head. 

She leaned in to kiss him again, but he pushed her away this time and sat up, “Stop. we...we can’t do this.  This can’t just be a one-time thing.”

“What?”

He felt his heart twist inside his chest and he clenched his jaw, “Because I love you.”

Her lips curled up in a smile, “I love you too.”

[transsergio]

Emotions That I Simply Do Not Have (Read on AO3)

Chapter 1/3 - More Like A Relapse

Penemily + Hotchreid / Mature / 1893 words

Hotch and Emily have a drunken night together that Emily wants to forget, but Hotch can't let go. She and her girlfriend Penelope make a plan to get him out of their lives.

There's a brief paragraph describing Emily's dissociation in this chapter.

This started out as a parody of H*tchniss but then I got really into it. Hotch is pretty out of character and I'm picking on him this entire fic. There is no actual Hotchn*ss involved, which is why I didn't tag the ship, and because I don't need to fight with straight people today.

Emily’s head loathes her. She’s been hungover before, obviously, but this is something different altogether – she’s half-naked and her memory has completed ghosted her. There was tequila, she guesses, maybe vodka, shots, Hotch was going to give her a ride home because there’s something dangerous about a wasted agent wandering the city at night; snippets that don’t explain much beyond the ache hammering at the center of her skull.

At least Emily knows where she is. This is her apartment, her bedroom, her matted skin and grimy oils. The sheets reek of alcohol, so maybe she spilled some, or maybe it’s been sweat from her very pores. She’s missing a bra and she forgot to close the blinds last night. Only, she never forgets. It’s muscle memory. Did she…open them at some point?

The sink is running in the kitchen. And her toaster oven is beeping. Oh my god. She brought someone home last night. Hotch never would have left her in a cab with a stranger. How could Emily have picked someone up between the curb and her front door? She was a flirty drunk, but in no way smooth.

Emily moves on a slow incline, craning her body into an upright position. She winces. Sunlight beams directly into her eyes. It’s been a minute since she remembered exactly why she kept the windows covered. She pushes the duvet aside and swings her long, bare legs to the floor. They’re not bruised (yet), so she must’ve remembered to skip the stairs and go for the elevator this time. She’s tumbled down them before. Penelope made her promise she’d wear shin guards the next time she went out, Emily remembers, laughing under her breath.

Penelope, who definitely did not go home with Emily last night. She couldn’t have. She implemented a strict curfew after spending three consecutive nights in the batcave – bed by eleven, sharp. Unless Emily made a distress call sometime in the night. Emily scrunches the sheets between her fingers. A distress call, something like, “Come help me puke into my toilet for an hour and a half,” would bring Penelope running. Well, not running, but speed-walking, half awake. And it would be too late for Penelope to get home, with no one to text that she made it safely (except everyone else in the BAU, but that wasn’t the point). The point was, it could be her in there, popping Toaster Strudel in for the both of them.

Emily wobbles to her feet and kicks her crumpled slacks from her path. Oh, there’s her bra, launched to the other side of the room. She runs her fingers through her hair and hopes she made a difference, though it’s unlikely. Feet shuffle over her wooden floors, and someone opens and shuts the fridge door. Penelope uses fridges, coincidentally. That very well might be her.

There’s a cough, a low clearing of the throat. Emily stands upright like she’s been called to duty, and palms her forehead. Her headache makes it clear it did not like that. The cough does not sound like Penelope. Fear drains the strength from Emily’s limbs. Please, dear god, tell her that’s not a man.

Emily wants to crawl back into bed and have nothing to do with whoever’s in the other room. She wants to huddle under her covers and listen until the front door opens and shuts and it’s safe to emerge. She wants to have been sober last night. Instead, her phone vibrates on her dresser. Emily hadn’t realized that when it reverberates against the wood, her cell sounds exactly like a jackhammer, but she does now. She hears the same sound echoing in her kitchen.

Emily lunges for the text, from Garcia alerting them to a case, and slams all one hundred of those tiny Blackberry buttons to make it shut up, shut up, shut up. The bedroom door swings open.

“Two murders in Kentucky, looks like,” Hotch says. What? No.

Emily rubs her eyes with the backs of her hands. They come away streaked with dried mascara flakes and last night’s eyeshadow, but Hotch is still there. He’s standing in his boxers, a white undershirt, and five o’clock stubble. He doesn’t flinch at the fact that Emily is bare-chested in a pair of black boyshorts. This is bad. This is so bad.

Hotch says softly, “Can I…” Can he what? Can he call later tonight? Can he leave a toothbrush here? Can he have a drawer for his pajamas? “Can I get my shirt, please?”

“Oh.” Emily steps aside. His blue button-down is in a wrinkled pile beside Emily’s nightstand. Should she cover herself in the meantime? Would that make it weirder? He’s already seen what he’s seen, after all. The thought makes Emily gag.

“I’m going to get ready in your bathroom,” Hotch tells her. He makes too much eye contact. “There’s toast in the kitchen for you, if you want any.”

“Great, thanks.” Emily is tightlipped and dedicated to looking anywhere but his face. That leads to his boxers, and his dick inside his boxers, and the knowledge that they clearly had sex, and Emily might need the bathroom first if she didn’t vomit everything out last night.

Hotch disappears, and so does Emily’s presence in her physical body. She autopilots herself into her clean clothes, grips her dresser and stares into the mirror above it. C’mon, Emily, come back down to Earth. She tries what her therapist taught her in high school, focusing on a texture, on the feel of the woodgrain under her hands. How could she have come so far, a continent away, and still need the same techniques for the same problems? Hotch was an exercise in self-loathing and misery. Only this time, that exercise would be staring her down for extended periods of time while they mutually hunted killers.

Hotch reenters in the same suit he wore last night. Did he seriously have to wear a suit to the team’s night out? He couldn’t loosen up enough for a polo shirt and golf pants?

“Look, I understand if you don’t want to see me again in this capacity,” he starts. “But I had… a great time, honestly, and I’d be open to another meeting.”

Emily’s eyes are dead. “No, thanks.”

“You’ve decided already?”

“Yep. I’m good. See you on the jet.” Emily yanks the bedroom door open. His cue to leave. He takes it, if not wearing the look of a kicked puppy.

He makes it into a cab, and the cab leaves, and clears her block, and turns the corner. Emily stays for another five minutes just to be sure the car doesn’t loop back around, looking for a second chance. She washes her face clean and falls to her mattress. This will only take a second – she stabs her face into her pillow and screams. And one more time. And maybe a long one, just to be sure. Emily comes to work that day hoarse, unbathed, and willing herself into another life.

*

A month later, they’re gathered at Haley’s funeral. Hotch gives a beautiful speech, and Emily’s all but forgotten the number of texts she’s received since their hookup. The sheer volume of “Thinking about you.. do you like Thai food?” and simple, two-word messages like “Good work..”, alongside “Hey. Horny?” are a thing of the past, at least for today. Maybe not tomorrow. Emily doesn’t really know how grieving works. She does, however, know what it feels like to want.

She ushers Penelope into a storage closet while the rest of the team (plus Kevin) is at the funeral reception’s buffet. They’ll make up some story about going to the bathroom and try to defuse JJ later, assuring her that she wasn't left out intentionally. Right now, life is for living.

Emily’s lips move across Penelope’s jaw, her neck, her chest. She presses them to Penelope’s like she’s made of china, set on keeping Penelope’s lipstick intact. Penelope grips Emily while her own wrist is between her teeth to stifle her sound. Emily is gasping for breath when her fingers reach for the button of Penelope’s sweater. She is desperate to have her undone.

“Wait, wait,” Penelope huffs, putting an arm’s length of space between them. Her chest is heaving. “I can’t do this here, not today.”

“Today is why I want to do this,” Emily counters.

“We have time.” Penelope’s voice breaks. She fusses with her little hat and rights it atop her hair. “We have time that Haley didn’t –”

“How do we know?” Emily interrupts. “It could be me next. You’ve already been shot once before, and I just can’t… I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with you on the fringe of my life.”

Emily wipes a tear streaking down Penelope’s cheek. Before Penelope can reach for her compact, Emily passes her hers. She says, “I don’t mean we have to do anything right now in… what is ironically a closet,” Penelope laughs and dabs at her makeup, “but I want you. And seeing you with Kevin today, having to be next to you while he holds your hand? It’s maddening.”

A quiet passes. Penelope sniffles and the crowd outside makes somber conversation. Penelope whispers, “I’m scared.”

Emily closes the distance between them and cradles Penelope in her embrace. “I know; so am I. Can we be scared together?”

Penelope nods into the crook of Emily’s shoulder. They sway in the warmth of one another, in the cramped haven that is shelves of industrial cleaner and mop buckets.

“So what do we do?” Penelope asks. “Should I break up with Kevin, or tell him the truth? Neither option feels, uh, super-duper.”

Emily snorts some of the hat’s feathers from her nose. “If you want to be outed, I think telling Kevin he’s your beard is a great idea.”

“Stop. Kevin wouldn’t do that.”

“Penelope. He’s a man. He’s going to feel used, emasculated, and plenty bitter. I don’t see a reality in which he doesn’t out you.”

“I know, I know, but I don’t think Kevin’s like that. He’s sweet on me.” Penelope further buries herself in Emily. “On the off-chance that he would, though, I guess I’ll dump him.”

Emily hums in agreement. They keep themselves safe in their darkness a little longer, resistant to go out and face the mourning. Emily’s heart is busy fluttering, anyway. She and Penelope might remain a secret, but this is officially more than a hook-up. It’s all Emily could dream of when she stormed Penelope’s batcave the morning after Hotch. When she spun Penelope around in her desk chair and strung their mouths centimeters apart – a question and a dare all in one. Penelope leaned through the divide and they were kissing, slow and tender but driven by a force that urged them on. Emily had wanted Penelope for so long, but that morning, she needed her.

When they return to the team’s table, Kevin is at Penelope’s side. Emily puts her focus on Morgan, on caring about Hotch’s well-being, anything but Kevin’s soft, drooping face. It’s like his skin could slide right off at any second. No, Emily will ask what they can do, will let the team explain that their power extends to waiting Hotch out, will squeeze Penelope’s hand as they leave for their next case in Nashville.

[karihighman]

Witness - Upstead AU

PART 2: BECOMING YOUR FRIEND WAS A CHOICE

After the longest night of her life, Hailey just wanted to sleep. The problem? It was 6AM in the morning, and her roommate, Vanessa, was already at work. Vanessa works at the recreational center nearby Hailey’s family’s bakery. She grew up in the foster care system, and worked odd jobs to put herself through college. She has a social work degree, and plans to open her own community center. That’s where Hailey met her, was in college. Point being, Vanessa was always up before the sun, and would get home in the early evenings. Meanwhile, Hailey takes her classes during the day, and on her off days, she spends it working the afternoon and night shifts at the bakery. Her parents need a break, and honestly, she needed a break from them.

Her parents were great, helped Hailey with her tuition, and were in her life for all the major moments. But, her parents’ relationship? That was another story. Her dad was abusive towards her mom, her brothers, and herself when they were younger. The physical abuse didn’t happen anymore, but it didn’t stop her father from berating her mother, or his sons and daughter. It only happened sometimes, when he would get really plastered.

If his sports team lost, if he lost his job, you name it, it usually ended up in the same tragic way.

Hailey was drawn out of her own thoughts by the pulling back of the hospital curtain. The last thing she remembered was meeting Jay, and by that time, it was either 1 or 2 in the morning. So, at least she’d gotten a few hours of sleep. Why it was still at Chicago Med, she didn’t know. But, she assumed the redheaded doctor that entered her room could answer that question.

“Hailey Upton, good to see you awake! I’m Will Halstead, and I’ll be reviewing your discharge information with you.”

Hailey furrowed her brows. Did he just say Halstead? Or was she hallucinating? “Did you say Halstead?” She asked him.

Will’s mouth quirked into a lopsided smile. “Yes, I did. I’m assuming you met my younger brother, Jay, a few hours earlier.”

Hailey nodded, remembering the very attractive detective she had spoken to. “Yeah, I did.”

“He was the one that told me you had fallen asleep mid conversation, so we figured it was okay to let you sleep given what you’d been through.”

Hailey’s mouth dropped open a bit. She fell asleep? While talking to Jay? Well that’s just great. “Oh. Well, if you see him, could you please tell him I’m sorry about that. I had been working a full shift, and had a full day of classes the day before. I’d barely logged 4 hours the night before, so I was on “this is my fourth coffee” mode.”

Will was maneuvering around her as she offered up an apology. He shined a bright light in her eyes to check her vision, which jarred Hailey a little. She blinked to get the spots out of her eyes, but tried to listen to what he was saying as he put the blood pressure cuff on her arm.

“Hm?” She hummed as he put all his materials down.

“I just said we’re done. You just need to sign this paper, and you’ll be on your way.”

“Oh,” Hailey faltered. “Yeah, okay. Um, I’ll just need to call a cab or an Uber since my roommate’s at work already. And, well, my car is back at the bakery…” She wasn’t meaning to spill her guts to Dr. Will Halstead, she was just talking out loud.

Her head snapped up as Will snapped his fingers. “Well, I happen to know someone that’s very willing to give you a ride back home. Plus, you can apologize on the way to your apartment.”

Hailey barely mastered an “Um” when she was met with those damn green eyes again.

Jay stood next to his brother, which 1) allowed Hailey to see the resemblance between them and 2) allowed Hailey to pay attention to tiny details about him. Like the smattering of freckles across his face, or how he always kept his hands in his pockets. His eyes were kind, and his smile was soft as he gave her a small wave.

She couldn’t help but smile back. “Hey, Jay.”

“Hi Hailey,” he replied. “I figured since we didn’t get to finish our chat earlier, that I’d offer you a lift home so we could.” He shrugged his shoulders awkwardly, like he didn’t really do this often.

Neither did Hailey, but what other option did she have?

“Uh, sure, thank you. Just let me grab my stuff and we can go.”

Jay nodded, and Hailey hopped off the table she fell asleep on, and onto the ground to pick up her purse. She zipped up her jacket, and she was fine to go. She noticed on their way out of the hospital, that Jay was wearing normal clothes. Usually the police officers she saw wore navy and/or light blue uniforms. She did however, see a glimmer of a badge on his belt, only because he fished his keys out of his back pocket.

She had the dumbest thought in the world as they exited the doors and Jay pointed them to his truck. Where did he keep his gun?

She smiled to herself and ducked her head down before Jay could catch her and then ask her what she was smiling about. She ran a couple fingers over her lips before stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets as they stood in front of his black GMC truck.

“And here I thought you’d be driving one of those white patrol cars I see roaming neighborhoods,” she told him, cracking a smile so he knew she was only kidding. Somewhat, anyhow. Truth be told, he was nothing she thought a cop to be. The ones that showed up at her doorstep all those years ago….they were blunt, harsh, and intimidating. Older guys shoving her and her brothers out, others holding their parents back.

It was a lot to handle at 12 years old. Her brothers were 14 and 15 at the time, so they looked out for her. But even they couldn’t comprehend why their parents were being talked to separately, or why their mom looked like she’d been crying, and why their father looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. They’d been fine all of those nights….or so she thought. Sure, there were some screams from a loud argument, or a harsh word exchanged here or there, but she thought all adults fought at some point. People in general fought, right? War, politics, etc. People can hurt other people. It may have been a harsh reality for a twelve year old to hold onto, but, hey, she wasn’t like most girls. Never had been. Never planned on being either.

—————

Jay couldn’t help himself. On the 20 minute drive from Med to Hailey’s apartment, he’d keep checking on her out of the corner of his eye. Once or twice, both of his eyes would flutter in her direction, to which he’d offer her a general smile. He’d breathe a quiet sigh of relief when she’d return it tenfold.

She had a really pretty smile. No, he thought to himself. He’d used pretty before already. Call it detectives intuition, or maybe it was just because he’d grown up studying people and how they behaved since his own family dynamic was pretty screwy – but regardless, he knew people like Hailey had stories buried beneath the surface.

He could tell by the tension she held in her face and body. How her jaw clenched ever so slightly, or how her hands would fidget in the same patterns every couple minutes. And of course, her tell of running a hand through her hair.

Complex, would be the word he’d use to describe that behavior. Mysterious would be the term he’d use to describe the enigma that was Hailey Anne Upton (he’d peaked at Will’s chart for a second, sue him). But, her smile? Gorgeous. Yeah, that was the one.

He almost contemplated asking her about herself, so he could get to know the woman wrapped up in so many proverbial layers. But, her voice cracked through his illusion. “This is me right here.”

Jay was pulled up to the curb of a quaint apartment complex, with a few units, he assumed on either side, even though he only saw the front. The white building’s homes each had their own bright orange doors, which he found funny given the classic white paint job.

Then he noticed the orange tiled letters and numbers that made up the street address of the complex. 185 Vinton Street. They were – you guessed it – bright orange. He frowned, not out of sadness, but out of…oddness? He couldn’t quite pinpoint the emotion. He was just….observing things. Like the way Hailey idled in the passenger seat for a few moments while he had gotten out.

“You alright?”

He tapped lightly on her window. She pointed down to the lock, and he could’ve – and should’ve – smacked himself silly for not unlocking it. Nice going moron. He grimaced, hoping his eyes conveyed a sheepish apology as he rectified the error. Her lips had twisted into a semi smile as she got out. She seemed to be smiling at herself, but she looked at him before looking back down to her feet.

“Um, thanks for the ride back. And I am sorry about falling asleep last night. Or should I say this morning.”

Jay leaned against his truck. “That’s okay, really. You needed some rest. Not many people see things like that. I mean, I do, but that’s because it’s my job. You’re…I mean, I don’t know much about you, but like you said – you’re a future psychologist – you’re not a cop.”

Hailey pulled her bottom lip inbetween her teeth. “Yeah, right.” She paused for a second, before asking: “Is that the last thing we talked about?”

“Um, no. No, the last thing we talked about, or should I say, I was talking to you about, was: golf. Which I found ironic that you fell asleep during the middle of the conversation, as you had just got done saying how you loved it, despite your roommate Vanessa making fun of you for it.”

Hailey shook her head as she walked to stand across from him, so she could lean her shoulder against his truck too. “Gotcha. Well, if you’d like, we can finish that conversation? I have coffee inside,” she offered, mentally smacking herself for how lame that invite was.

“Uh, sure, that is if you don’t mind. I could use some coffee right now.”

Hailey motioned for Jay to follow her up, and they entered her apartment. She thanked the lord that she was the neater between herself and Vanessa, so their apartment wasn’t a total disaster area. Vanessa’s room, however, was a completely different story. But that was partially because her boyfriend Kevin would sometimes stay over, and his stuff was left there too.

Hailey had told Vanessa she could always move in with Kevin, or find a place of her own, but she insisted that she and Hailey would be roommates until both of them had boyfriends. Hailey rolled her eyes at that ridiculous rule, but was secretly glad. She loved having Vanessa around.

“Welcome,” she said, raising her arms out as if to display the small space to him. “Um, you can sit wherever. I’ve just gotta change my clothes real quick, then I’ll put a pot on.”

Jay was admiring the photos that littered their living room area. Vanessa and Hailey had both taken photography as one of their electives, so black and white photos from a class project decorated their place.

He turned his head toward her as she spoke though. “Okay, thanks.”

Hailey quickly nodded before hurrying back to her room to throw something other than her jogging sweats and hoodie on. Sometimes she’d wear old clothes if she was going to be working in the back of the bakery, because flour + nice clothes = total mess.

She pulled on some jeans and a plain white tee shirt that she tucked in, before tossing her hair into a messy ponytail. Better, she thought to herself as she looked in the mirror.

She walked back out to see Jay camped out on her couch. The kicker? Now he was the one asleep. She literally had to bite her tongue to keep from bursting out in laughter. It was cute, seeing him all nestled up like he’d meant to do that all along or something. His elbow propped his head up a little against his hand, and the lower half of his legs were hanging off the edge. She was honestly surprised he didn’t take up the whole couch, given that he had to be at least 6 feet tall.

Vanessa’s boyfriend Kevin, after all, was like 6’4. That was pretty much all she knew about Kevin though, as she’d only seen him in passing. Thankfully, he’d been clothed, as had Vanessa, or else Hailey would’ve had to move out for sure. Vanessa had joked to her one night after Kevin dipped out that there’d be a day where Hailey would be the one sneaking a boy back to their apartment. Hailey had rolled her eyes, and told Vanessa to keep dreaming. But now, as she watched the slow rise and fall of Jay’s chest against his light grey fitted shirt and unzipped jacket, she realized she did in fact, have a boy over.

She let out a puff of air, feeling silly for just standing there like a moron. She didn’t know if she should wake him or not. She didn’t know what times cops had to be at work. All she knew was she didn’t have to be at work until noon, and it was only….she looked across the way to her microwave clock. 7AM. Cool, cool. She ran a hand through her hair again, before deciding to brew the coffee she’d promised him. Hey, even if he was asleep, didn’t mean Hailey didn’t need the coffee just as much as Jay did.

So, she bounded over to her kitchenette and put on some coffee. She leaned against the counter, pulling her phone out to check her messages.

One from Vanessa, which read: SORRY I COULDNT COME GET U THIS AM. DID U MAKE IT HOME OK??

Hailey typed a response. YES I DID, V. DONT WORRY.

She watched the three bubbles pop up on her screen. K. AND UR OKAY RIGHT?

YES :) TALK TO YOU LATER VANESSA.

She flipped her phone off before going to fix herself something to eat. Her grumbling stomach gave her hunger away. She was making eggs and bacon when she heard a mumble from her sofa. She’d honestly forgot Jay was there, he was that quiet.

“Mmm,” she thinks he “said.”

“It’s okay Jay, this time you were the one that fell asleep,” Hailey called over her shoulder. “I knew you’d wake up sometime though, so I figured you deserved some rest too.”

She was plating a portion of food for herself when she saw him emerge from the couch. He was headed for the coffee, but hey, the rest of her food wasn’t going to eat itself. “And you’re welcome to the rest of the food there,” she offered as casually as she could as she sat down.

Jay had been filling up a coffee mug when he turned his head up to look at her from across the way. “Oh, no, that’s okay, Hailey. I–“

“Seriously, Jay. I don’t mind. Besides, it’s the least I can do after falling asleep on you–“ she felt her cheeks heat up at the only semi-innocent implication that created. “–I mean, y’know, during our conversation, not to mention you taking me– giving me a ride home.”

Jay set down his cup, but he didn’t argue. He grabbed some food and made his way over to where she was sitting. They sat in silence for a few minutes, simply drinking their coffee and eating their food.

Hailey was the first one that spoke. “So, what exactly were we talking about when we were talking golf?”

“Ummm,” Jay mumbled as he finished a bite of eggs. “I think we were onto what is better: a club or a putter for a shorthand shot on the green.”

They answered simultaneously: “putter.” They smiled at each other.

“Huh, I never thought I’d meet another golf aficionado,” Hailey said as she bit into a piece of bacon.

Jay shook his head as he swallowed another bit of coffee. “Neither did I. I mean, my brother and I golfed sometimes…before he went off to med school and I joined the service. But, since then, neither of us have really had the time for it.”

Hailey pouted. “Aw, well that’s no fun. I think everyone should have something that they enjoy in their day. Like for me, it’s photography. Well, I really like still life’s. My roommate, Vanessa, she likes the live-action type of shots. But me? I like capturing a single, seemingly minute, moment of time.”

She realized she’d completely glossed over possibly the most important part of what Jay told her. Nice work, Hailey. “So, you were in the military?”

“Yep. Rangers, 75th Battalion.”

“Wow,” she mused, very impressed. She’d never known someone in the military before. Her older brother Andy almost joined the Navy, but it was only his backup plan if he didn’t make it into law school. But, when he got in to Harvard Law, he couldn’t pass it up. “That’s incredible. I, well, I mean, thank you,” her foot should’ve met her mouth a few words ago when she saw his eyebrows raise. “Thank you for your service.” She clarified, hoping her face was not as red as a tomato right now, or else she could just die of embarrassment.

Her pinky graced her cheek as she ran a hand through her hair once more. Nope, all good. Phew.

“Thanks,” he said gently. “Most people want war stories, or dangerous tales because they think it’s like it is in the movies.”

Hailey frowned. She was no movie buff, but even she knew nothing was like it was on TV or film. No way. She knew that after she watched her first princess movie. A prince would sweep the girl off her feet and away from danger. But, no one came to save her from her own hell. So, she’d given up on the whole idea of fairytales; honestly, she’d given up on the idea that life was going to give her anything. That’s why she worked damn hard to get where she was.

“Oh, no, I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like over there for you. I know what that kind of impact veterans can have when they come back from war. It’s a lot.”

Jay nodded, actually feeling thankful that someone understood that. “Exactly.”

Hailey offered him a smile, but he could tell it was tinged with sadness. Or maybe like she had something to share too.

“So, what about you? I mean, as I’m sure you guessed, I jumped from the army to the police, but what made you want to become a psychologist?”

“Um,” Hailey did her same nervous habit of running her hand through her hair. Shit, well that she wasn’t expecting. Most people liked to talk about themselves, or didn’t care to hear about psychology, of all things. Guys, Hailey, not people. She and Vanessa could talk classwork all day.

“I’ve just always been interested in helping people. And I’ve always been good at reading people, I guess. Like how they act, or interact with other people. People always think that their eyes or their lips give away what their intentions are, but actually, it’s their body language.”

Jay’s head tilted. “Is that right?”

Hailey vehemently nodded her head. “Yessir.”

Jay narrowed his eyes slightly. “Well then, Dr. Upton, what am I saying? Or what are you getting from me?” A small smirk played on his lips, and Hailey had yet another moronic thought of wanting to kiss it off of him.

She tilted her head a bit too, as her eyes studied him. One of her brows arched as she noticed his movement underneath her gaze. She clicked her tongue against her cheek.

“Well,” she began, unfolding her hands. “You’re sitting straight up, which indicates a polite demeanor. You’re holding eye contact, which means you’re not afraid of the truth. Your hands underneath your legs show that you’re carrying something, or have a lot on your mind or on your plate, as they say.” She debated on throwing him a bone with the last one. “And your feet are pointed at me while we’re talking, which means you’re genuinely interested in what I have to say.”

She could help but break into a grin when he did. “I appreciate it, by the way.”

He had opened his mouth to say something in return, when their moment was interrupted by the sound of a phone. Hailey had hers on vibrate in her pocket, so she knew it wasn’t hers, as this was an actual ring. “I think that’s you,” she said to Jay.

“Oh,” he mumbled, fumbling for it in his pocket. “Sorry. It’s work.”

She flitted her hand off, indicating that he could take the call. She busied herself by taking their plates and mugs to her sink, washing them off, and placing them on her drying rack. She’d just begun to turn around when she almost ran smack into Jay. Not that she would’ve minded…that much. She was 99.9% sure he was perfect, in every way. From the way his shirt pulled across his pecs, to the way his broad shoulders took up a doorway, but weren’t overpowering in the least.

“Uh,” she awkwardly sputtered. She really needed a new vocabulary. “Sorry,” she squeaked, not daring to look up into his green eyes. They were standing so close together that she felt his breath hit her cheek though. And that was about all she could handle right now, without her legs giving way, that is. Hell, she even held onto her counter for support. Subtly, of course.

“I, sorry. I have to go. My sergeant said we got pod footage of the guy that killed Crawford.” He was about to break apart from her, when Hailey heard a sharp intake of air. “Actually, um, we might need you down at the district.” He finally said. His voice was so smooth and low it reminded Hailey of rich milk chocolate, and she felt like she needed to sit down before she either A) kissed him or B) grabbed a giant Hershey bar from her secret stash.

“Oh, okay,” she replied stupidly. Duh, Hailey, major duh. “So I guess I’m riding yo– I mean, riding with you.”  Yep, if she could melt into a puddle on the floor, right then would’ve been the perfect time to do it.

“Looks like it,” he said as he finally put some distance between them.

Hailey oddly felt at ease with that. She just hoped she’d still feel that way once she was there.

___________________________________________________________

TAGGING: @ruzek-halstead (requested)  um, let me know somehow if anyone else wants to be tagged? i’ve never done tagging on my fics before lol. hope you like this second part. part 3 will be the last installment. but it’ll be good, don’t worry! ;) 

[kpop-zone]

Blackpink reaction to their s/o finding out they started dating them for a bet pt.2

A/N: Ok guys here it is, the continuation. Remember that each reaction is more of a scenario, so they are quite long. Plus Lisa’s scenario has two endings, so for everyone with a weak heart, don’t read ending number 2 :D

Jisoo

You walked around the city until your tears had died down. Not knowing what to do next, you sat inside a little café pondering over your relationship with Jisoo. You had always loved your story. It was like you had always imagined it to be. The beautiful girl approaches you at a party and you instantly fall in love, starting your epic journey together. Knowing that it was all a lie, hurt you more than your heart could handle, and you could feel it cracking underneath the pressure of the pain.

Could you believe your girlfriend that she loved you now?

You sat there racking your brain over this question for hours. You thought about all the beautiful moments that you had spent together and how loved she had always managed to make you feel. But on the other side, you also thought about the betrayal that started this whole relationship. Was this a good fundament to begin a live together?

You didn’t want to make a decision, because you didn’t know what the right answer for your question was. You also didn’t feel like seeing Jisoo right now, but you didn’t really know where else to go. So slowly, you made your way back to your shared apartment, silently opening the door, hoping that Jisoo wouldn’t notice your return.

When you entered the apartment, you could see her laying on the couch. You knew that she was looking at you, but you chose to ignore it, heading to your bedroom to go to bed. Jisoo didn’t follow you and you sighted in relief. You definitely needed your space right now. You fell into a restless slumber, your mind being far too occupied to stop working, but at least Jisoo chose to sleep on the couch, so you didn’t have to worry about confronting her tonight.

Instead, that burden awaited you the next morning. Groggily you made your way into the kitchen where your girlfriend had already started to prepare breakfast. You could see that she hadn’t made your standard breakfast but had put some more effort in.

She greeted you with a small smile, but you stood there awkwardly, getting yourself a hot cup of coffee before wordlessly sitting down at the table.

This scene should also become the theme of all future encounters between Jisoo and you the next two weeks. You couldn’t deny that your girlfriend was trying. She bought you little gifts, cooked dinner for you every night and canceled most of her plans, so she would be there if you wanted to talk with her. Which you didn’t. Because you still didn’t know whether you wanted her to leave or not.

So you spent the time in awkward silence, while Jisoo stole glances at you and you pretended like you didn’t notice them.

“You have to make a decision, Y/N.”

Jisoo finally said exactly two weeks after you had found out about the bet. You had just had dinner and were both standing in the kitchen cleaning the dishes when Jisoo walked past you, softly putting her hand on your lower back. You flinched back at the contact and Jisoo sighted in frustration.

“I can’t change the past. What happened, happened. I will forever try to give you the best life that you can have. But you have to decide if you can forgive me. If not, it would be better if we let each other go.”

She looked at you expectantly, but you were at a loss for words.

Taking your non-existent reaction as a sign, she turned around, leaving your apartment.

You were speechless. But she was right. She had apologized and it was wrong to hold her past doings against her. You either had to let her go or forgive her.

The next days, Jisoo didn’t come home. Apparently, she wanted to give you the time that you needed to make a decision. Her ultimatum played in your head over and over again.

You had always wanted a picture-perfect love story. But every romance started with love at first sight. And Jisoo had taken that away from your love story.

But was it worth giving your relationship up for? Because one thing was for sure. You still loved her. And you had missed her the last days like crazy. So you decided to reach out to her and put an end to your childish behavior.

Y/N: Can we meet?

You texted your girlfriend and in less than a minute, you had a positive answer from her, as if she had been waiting for your text this whole time.

You decided to meet up on neutral ground, making you walk to the café that you had visited almost three weeks ago.

Jisoo was sitting by the windows and your heart fluttered when you saw her. Although you hadn’t seen her for only a few days, you had craved for her already.

Quickly you sat down in front of her and she looked at you insecurity.

“I have ordered your usual.”

She tried to loosen the atmosphere, but there had been a question burning in the back of your mind the past three weeks and you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Do you love me?”

You blurted out and tears started stinging to your eyes.

Jisoo looked at you with wide eyes, but immediately made her way around the table, kneeling in front of you.

“More than anything. I know that it’s hard to believe me after I lied. But I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Please don’t give up on us.”

You let her cup your face and you looked deeply into her eyes. You could see her sincerity, making you cry even more.

“I’ve missed you.”

You sobbed and Jisoo wiped away your tears, before softly brushing her lips against yours.

“I’ve missed you too.”

She whispered against your lips, making you pull her into a hug.

Who cared about the beginning of a love story if it had a happy ending?

Jennie

The mind was a powerful tool. You could support this thesis from your own experience. After you had left Jennie behind, crying on the floor, you felt like someone had physically torn your chest open, violently ripping out your heart. But after you told yourself over and over again that Jennie never loved you, it became easier to pretend that you hated her. It became your personal mantra. Whenever you felt like curling up into a ball of sadness, you told yourself that you had just been the playball of some sadistic people that liked to toy with other people’s feelings.

Although it probably wasn’t a long-term solution for your heartbreak, it worked short-term. You almost hadn’t cried in the two weeks now that you lived without Jennie. Of course, this also included the complete ignorance of her. Which you mastered with excellency until today. You were just putting on your shoes to go out and meet some friends, when you heard some knocks on the door. Unsuspectingly, you opened the door, only to have your mood ruined a second later.

“What do you want here?”

You spat out rudely, almost regretting your tone, because you usually weren’t an aggressive person.

“Please can we talk. It’s about Jennie.”

Nayeon looked pleadingly at you and you could feel your heart twinge at the mentioning of her name.

You stared wordlessly at Nayeon weighting your options. You really wanted to ignore her and just go out with your friends, pretending that your heart hadn’t just been deeply scarred. But on the other hand, you couldn’t ignore Jennie forever.

Therefore, you rolled your eyes and stepped to the side to let Nayeon in. Both of you went into the living room where you sat down facing each other.

“First of all, I’d like to apologize for ruining everything with my loose mouth.”

She started the conversation and you gulped, being reminded of that evening.

“Don’t apologize. I’m very grateful that you told me. I guess Jennie had planned to lie to me for her whole life.”

The hurt in your voice was clearly audible and you wished that it hadn’t been so easy to baffle you.

“Y/N... Don’t get me wrong. This is not an apology for making the bet in the first place, because that was a terrible thing to do. We all know that and we’re truly sorry. But try to understand Jennie. She really loves you and lying to you hadn’t been easy for her. But she had been so afraid of losing you.”

You felt the tears stinging to your eyes. You wanted Nayeon to stop talking. You had just managed to convince yourself that Jennie had never loved you, even if your heart told you something else.

“Is that everything you wanted to tell me? Because I have somewhere to be.”

Impatiently, you drummed your fingers on your arms, wanting to indicate Nayeon to finally leave.

“No, I’m here because I want to beg you to go talk with Jennie. She hasn’t been great since you left her. You know that she quickly drifts to a bad place mentally. I think she hasn’t been sober a single day since you left and we begin to worry. She’s being really reckless.”

Your heart rate immediately started picking up. Although you had tried to convince yourself that you didn’t care about Jennie, you did. Your body slowly set into panic mode. All you had ever wanted was to give Jennie happiness, hearing that she was struggling was killing you.

Nayeon apparently saw that she had hit a weak spot because she reached out to lay her hand on your leg to grab your attention.

“Please, Y/N. Just an hour. Then you can go on without her.”

Slowly you nodded your head and Nayeon sighted in relief.

Together you made your way out the apartment and you weren’t surprised when Nayeon gave the Uber driver the address of a club downtown.

Jennie had always tended to drown her worries.

Thanks to Nayeon who had apparently been a frequent visitor in the club the past weeks, you skipped the line and soon found yourself looking down on a way too crowded club. But nevertheless, you hadn’t trouble finding your girlfriend, because naturally she was in the center of dancefloor, surrounded by all kinds of different people that were drawn to her beauty.

Your heart stopped beating for a second at her sight, but then it started beating three times as fast afterwards.

Were you ready to talk to her?

Nayeon didn’t give you the time to overthink this whole thing, however, pulling you across the dancefloor to Jennie. At first, she only spotted Nayeon, pulling her best friend closer and greeting her exaggeratedly in her tipsy state. Then her gaze fell on you and she froze in her movements, staring at you blankly.

Like a lost puppy, she looked at Nayeon who pulled you closer in response, causing you to almost touch bodies with Jennie.

“Y/N.”

Jennie choked out before suddenly wrapping her arms around your neck and pressing your bodies together.

Your breath hitched in your throat and your emotions went crazy. All the unprocessed anger and sadness started to well up, but at the same time your arms automatically wrapped around the slim waist of Jennie, because you had missed her so much.

“Please take me back.”

Although the music was deafening loud, you could hear Jennie’s words clearly because her lips were directly next to your ear.

You felt overwhelmed and pulled back slightly. There was panic in Jennie’s eyes, but you simply grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the club. You couldn’t make a decision with all the noise around you.

Once you were outside, you started pacing, while massaging your temples, because you could feel a headache being in the making caused by all that thinking. Jennie just stood there wordlessly, in the meantime, with her gaze constantly fixed on you.

“How could you have done that to me?”

You finally broke the silence, looking at Jennie with hurt in your eyes.

She looked desperate, at a loss for words, but eventually she took a few steps closer to you.

“I...I don’t know. It wasn’t supposed to go that far. I’ve never meant for either of us to develop feelings like that. But as soon as it happened, I was too afraid to confess to you.”

Jennie stammered, fidgeting with her fingers.

“I know that I should have told you right from the beginning, but I didn’t want to lose you, Y/N. You have made me a better person. I knew after spending time with you that it had been wrong to accept the bet in the first place. But it was already too late then.”

Tears started to stain Jennie’s cheek and you could feel your own welling in your eyes.

“I love you, Y/N. And I will spend the rest of my life, making up for what I did. But please give me a chance to do so.”

You sobbed loudly. You just wanted to run away. Your head was telling you to leave, but your heart told you to take her back. She loved you, wasn’t that all that mattered?

Suddenly you could feel Jennie’s hand on your face, wiping away your tears.

“Please, Y/N. I can’t live without you.”

She looked deeply into your eyes and you could feel your heart hammering loudly against your ribcage, begging you to ignore your head. Seeing all the pain in Jennie’s eyes, you couldn’t ignore the fact anymore that she loved you. The lying was a betrayal of your trust, but wasn’t love the strongest force? Couldn’t it mend what once has been broken?

“No more lying from now on?”

You asked Jennie and hope flickered in her eyes.

“No. Never again. I promise.”

She answered with no hesitation at all and you believed her.

Wrapping your arms around her body, you pulled her body against yours, deciding that love always had to be a decision made by the heart. Jennie sobbed loudly, crying tears of relief and you held her even tighter in response.

“Come on. Let’s go home.”

You exclaimed eventually, when you pulled back and Jennie immediately clung to your arm as if she was afraid that you could change your mind. You kissed her forehead softly before calling a cab. It would take a while to fix what had been broken, but with Jennie by your side, nothing was impossible.

Chaeyoung

You slid with your back pressed against the door down to the floor, too weak to walk any further. You buried your face into your hands, trying to suppress the sobs that left your mouth without cease. This new knowledge changed your perception of your relationship. You weren’t sure what to believe anymore. Could it be that Chaeyoung only used you this whole time? But you couldn’t believe that. You remembered how she had looked so broken just a few minutes ago. The fear of losing you in her eyes had been real.

You felt torn, but you pulled yourself to your feet, standing in front of the door with your hand on the doorknob. Should you go in again and continue where you had left off before all of this chaos started? You rested your head against the door, because it felt like exploding from all the contradicting arguments shooting through your head.

In the end, you decided that you couldn’t make a rational decision in your state. What Chaeyoung had done, wasn’t something to connive. So although an invisible force seemed to pull you back to the apartment, you made your way to the exit of the building, leaving behind everything that you loved while feeling your heart aching.

The next weeks you stayed at a friend’s apartment. Chaeyoung didn’t reach out at all and you felt even more hurt. Weren’t you worth fighting for? But you were too proud yourself to reach out first. She had been the one making a mistake, so there was nothing that you had to apologize for. Therefore, you stayed in the limbo between dating and breaking up, not knowing whether your girlfriend had already given up on you.

Nevertheless, you tried to go through your everyday life as well as possible. You ticked off all your daily obligations day for day, and sometimes your friend even succeeded in talking you into doing fun activities. Today you went shopping together and you had almost forgotten about Chaeyoung. That was until you ran into a person. You needed to reach out to steady them in order to prevent them from falling.

“I’m so sorry.”

You exclaimed concerned before looking into the stranger’s face and realizing that it was your girlfriend.

Immediately you removed your arm from her and she looked at you sheepishly.

“Um...I guess, I’ll be going ahead.”

Your friend stammered, seeing the two of you standing across from each other with awkward tension between you and you wanted to stop her from leaving, but she was already out of sight.

“Um...hey.”

Chaeyoung said with her tiny voice and a little wave and you felt endeared and angry at the same time.

She ignored you for weeks and all she had to say was ‘hey’?

“Well that was great. I’m gonna get going.”

You said coldly in response, pointing into the direction that you had seen your friend disappear.

But Chaeyoung quickly grabbed your arm.

“No!!”

She almost yelled, making people turn their heads into your direction and she ducked her head in embarrassment.

“Please stay. Can I invite you for a coffee and we’ll talk?”

Chaeyoung asked you quieter this time and you nervously shifted from one leg to the other.

Should you agree to her invite? She had been ignoring you the past weeks like it had been you that had done the damage. But on the other side, you also needed some clarity. You hated to not know your exact relationship status.

“Please?”

Chaeyoung added pleadingly after you had been quiet for a while now and you nodded slowly in response.

Together you walked to a nearby coffee shop where you sat down wordlessly after receiving your order.

“How have you been?”

Chaeyoung broke the silence eventually and you rolled your eyes.

“As one feels when you find out that your girlfriend or whatever you are now, has lied to you.”

You answered coldly but felt your heart twinge when you saw the hurt in Chaeyoung’s face.

“What do you mean with whatever I am?”

Her eyes were watery, and you figured that she probably hadn’t given up on you like you had assumed.

“Why didn’t you chase after me?”

You asked instead of answering her question while your own voice became shaky.

“I wanted to. As soon as you stormed out the apartment, I followed you to the door. But my guilt forbade me to open it. How could I ask you to stay if I had been such a terrible person in the past?”

Tears started to stain Chaeyoung’s cheeks and you automatically reached your hand across the table to take her hers into yours.

She snapped her eyes up to look at you and it hurt to see her this way.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

Chaeyoung sobbed and you couldn’t stand being apart from her anymore. Swiftly you moved around the table, pulling her out of her seat to wrap your arms around her body. She buried her face into the crook of your neck while her body shook violently.

Once she calmed down a bit, you pulled back to look into her face.

“So you haven’t given up on us?”

You asked hopefully while wiping away the remaining tears.

“No, I could never. You?”

You sighted in relief and shook your head with a smile, making Chaeyoung wrap her arms around you tighter again.

“So I’m still your girlfriend?”

Chaeyoung eventually mumbled against your body and you chuckled lightly.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want anyone else beside me.”

Lalisa

Lisa couldn’t close her eyes for a second that night, because her mind was racing. Yes, she was a terrible person and yes, she had made many mistakes. She should let you go. Give you the chance of meeting a partner that was truly worthy of you. But she couldn’t do that. Whenever, Lisa imagined a scenario of her future in her head without you, her heart clenched, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She needed you. So she needed to win you back.

The next morning, Lisa got up early. She made her way to the next florists, buying your favorite flowers to demonstrate you that she did care about you. On the way to your apartment, she also stopped by your favorite coffee shop and bought your usual order. But when she reached your apartment, she didn’t knock on the door. She simply put both things down on your doorstep and left again. She had hurt you and you needed time to heal. So she would give you the time that you needed. Her gifts were just a reminder for you to not forget that you still had a girlfriend that loved you very much.

Therefore, Lisa kept sending you reminders in all different ways. She sent you jewelry, wrote you love letters and brought you your favorite dishes that she cooked herself. But she never actually talked with you. Lisa hoped that her gestures were big enough for you to eventually come back to her.

Today she had bought you the new album of the band that you loved and skipped happily to your apartment. She had just put your present on the floor, when the door suddenly swung open.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

You asked her grumpily and Lisa’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Um...I...I want to show you that I’m sorry and that I still love you.”

Lisa stammered and you huffed in response.

“Why should I forgive you?”

You asked her coldly and Lisa cleared her throat, having already given that speech a thousand times in her head.

“Because you will never find a person in this world that loves you more than I do. I know that I messed up back then, but it will make me all the more loyal. I will spend the rest of my life making up for my mistake, because I know that I have to show you every day that I’m a different person from who I was back then. But I will gladly prove it to you. Because you make it so easy. You make me a better person, Y/N and...”

Lisa couldn’t finish her sentence, because she could suddenly feel lips crashing into hers. She was frozen for a moment, but her brain soon caught up to the situation and her lips started moving in synch with yours. Her hands automatically wandered to your hips, squeezing them lightly before pulling you closer to her body. When both of you had run out of air, you pulled back, but left your forehead resting on hers.

“I’ve missed you, Lisa.”

You whispered with your eyes still closed and Lisa moved her hand to your cheek to stroke it softly, making you finally open your eyes.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

Lisa smiled before pecking your lips quickly causing you to giggle and her own heart fluttered.

When she looked down on you, she realized that you were wearing your shoes and a jacket, and she looked at you questioningly.

“Were you about to go out?”

Lisa asked and you seemed to have remembered your plans just now.

“Yes! I’m meeting some friends. Do you want to come?”

You asked with a smile and Lisa couldn’t help the sight escaping her mouth.

She had missed this. More than anything, she wanted to fall back into your daily patterns those past weeks and now she finally had them again.

“I would love nothing more.”

She grinned and you interlaced your fingers with her, pulling her behind.

You fell back into comfortable chatter like nothing had happened. There was a lot to catch up on and you decided to walk to the café in order to be able to talk on the way there. You were so immerged in the narration of the plot of the TV show that the two of you had been watching together that you didn’t even realize that Lisa had crouched down to tie her shoes.

While giggling to herself, Lisa watched you walking ahead, talking to yourself. Lisa jogged behind you to catch up to you while you were already crossing the street. You finally turned your head to the side, realizing that Lisa wasn’t there anymore. You spun around, searching for your girlfriend who -of course- laughed at you as soon as you spotted her. You hid your face in your hands in embarrassment before stretching your arm, so that Lisa could take your hand. She was only two more steps apart from you when she could suddenly see a speeding car in the corner of her eye.

She realized that you were still standing in the middle of the road and that the pedestrian lights had turned red while you were waiting for her.

“Y/N!! No!!”

Lisa ripped her eyes open, trying to reach you before the car did.

She heard a deafening noise and she closed her eyes because she didn’t want to see what was happening before her. Everything was quiet all of a sudden, and Lisa could only hear her own heart beating in her chest.

“Jagi.”

Your voice ripped her out of her panic, making her open her eyes again. You stood before her and the car had actually come to a halt only a few inches before you.

“Oh my god, I thought I had lost you.”

Lisa almost cried in relief, wrapping her arms around your body.

“You’ve just won me back; you won’t lose me that fast again.”

You stated with a soft smile on your lips when Lisa pulled back and she kissed your lips quickly, before getting you off the road.

Ending 1: fluff

Once you were on the other side, you suddenly stopped abruptly, and Lisa looked at you questioningly.

“You know you’re not a bad person right?”

You asked her and she looked at you in confusion.

“What you had said earlier. You’d made it sound like you were a bad person that needed to prove to me that you can also do good things.”

You explained and Lisa sheepishly looked to the floor.

“But I am a bad person. How else could you explain that I placed the bet before I met you?”

Lisa said and she could feel tears welling in her eyes.

But suddenly you placed your fingers underneath her chin, lifting it to make her look into your eyes.

“Because you’re human Lisa. We all make mistakes. And just because you do bad things sometimes, doesn’t mean that you are a bad human. What matters is if we try to be better. And you proved that more than enough already.”

Tears stained Lisa’s cheeks, hearing your words and she let her head fall to your shoulder.

Immediately, you wrapped your arms around her body and started drawing patterns on her back with your fingertips.

“I think we still have some work to do to overcome the past.”

You stated once she had calmed down a bit and Lisa nodded in response.

“So how about we steal ourselves a few weeks?”

You asked excitedly and Lisa couldn’t follow.

“Let’s go to Thailand. You said it yourself. We had been so happy there. Let’s just go back for a while. Leave all this turmoil behind and focus on ourselves.”

A grin played on your lips and Lisa had to mirror your expression.

“Are you serious?”

She asked with sparkling eyes and you nodded instantly.

Lisa couldn’t believe her luck. She still didn’t know if she deserved this second chance, but one thing was for sure, she wouldn’t waste it. She would hold on to you and never let you slip out of her fingers again.

Ending 2: angst

The rest of the way, Lisa held your hand tightly, not wanting to risk something else happening to you and you squeezed her hand frequently to calm her down.

When you entered the café, all your friends were looking at her in surprise. Apparently, you had already told them about what she had done in the past and she wouldn’t hold it against them if they hated her now.

“Hey guys.”

Lisa greeted them with an awkward wave and some of them immediately started whispering with you before even greeting her.

“So are you back together?”

One of your friends asked her and suddenly everyone went quiet and looked at her.

“Yes we are.”

Lisa answered proudly while looking lovingly at you.

It was dead silent for a few seconds before everyone suddenly broke out in excited chatter again.

“Oh my god.”

“I can’t believe you pulled it off.”

“You’re so cruel.”

Lisa looked at you in confusion and you had a mischievous smirk on your face.

“Chan, I guess you owe me 100 bucks now.”

You laughed arrogantly and Chan rolled his eyes.

“Jagi, what is going on?”

Lisa asked you in confusion and you simply ignored her while letting Chan give you your money.

Lisa’s heart was beating like crazy and she could feel that all your friends were making fun of her. They whispered while glancing at her before they broke out in laughter again.

She couldn’t stand it anymore. Desperately she reached out for your arms and you stepped directly in front of her, resting your hand on her cheek softly.

“Oh honey. Sucks to be the easy target, doesn’t it?”

You asked her mockingly before retrieving your hand and heading for the exit.

“W-What? I-I don`t understand.”

Lisa stammered in disbelief while your friends brushed past her, giving her derogatory looks.

“Did you really think I would take you back? Well I guess this doesn’t only make you heartless, but clueless as well.”

You laughed coldly before leaving the café with your friends.

Your word hit her like a punch into the stomach and Lisa stumbled backwards, sitting down on a chair because her legs couldn’t carry her weight anymore. Tears were stinging to her eyes as realization hit her. You had only tricked her.

And she had to agree with you. She was heartless. Because you had just violently ripped her chest open and took her heart, only to shred it into a million pieces right in front of her. You gave her hope only to suffocate it in the last minute. Tears were rolling down Lisa’s cheeks without cease and she could feel her whole body aching.

She had lost you forever, because of her own selfishness. She was a fool to believe that she could ever get you back. Instead of letting you go and letting you flourish next to a partner that was worthy of you, she wanted to capture you in her dark spell again. She hadn’t changed at all since the first time that she had met you. So who was she to imagine a future with you by her side?

She was a bad person and after all, Karma always came back around.

[elyvorg]

Wandersong character rambles 2 of 3: Miriam

Wandersong is so incredibly good that I need to get all my Thoughts about it off my chest by writing a series of rambles analysing its three most important characters. There will be spoilers, obviously. Plus, this’ll probably be kind of hard to follow anyway for people who haven’t played the game. Go play Wandersong! You won’t regret it.

1 of 3: Kiwi (the bard)

3 of 3: Audrey

Inferiority issues

I kinda covered some of Miriam’s inferiority issues already in my previous ramble about Kiwi: specifically, how she begins to get somewhere with this and feel less inferior and more inspired to try her best when she sees that Kiwi isn’t perfect and is actually a bit like her too in this regard. But what I didn’t talk about there was why she feels that way in the first place, because this was clearly never just about Kiwi outclassing her on this particular adventure. Kiwi’s presence may have brought that out of her more (at first), but this was always a deeper, underlying problem Miriam had in general.

There’s almost certainly a specific reason that can be pointed to as to why this is, and just like with Kiwi, it’s about her parents.

Miriam’s parents left her with her grandma before she could remember, and Saphy used to tell her they’d come back for her one day, except they never did. Miriam admits that even though it’s kind of ridiculous, she used to sort of hope that if she made herself into someone heroic and famous, her parents would realise what a mistake they made leaving her and come back. Which, though she doesn’t put this part into words, ultimately boils down to the fact that she feels (or, at least, felt) like her parents abandoned her because she wasn’t good enough in the first place.

This is obviously irrational – geez, she was a baby when they left her, her parents couldn’t possibly have known how “good” or not she’d grow up to be. This clearly has nothing to do with the kind of person Miriam ever was and is really just about her parents being people who didn’t want to raise a kid. Miriam herself has even figured out by now that this is irrational of her – but it seems like she wasn’t aware of that when she was younger. Growing up with that looming over her entire sense of worth as a person is going to leave a psychological mark, no matter how irrational she knows it is now.

(Saphy kind of made a big mistake by telling Miriam at first that her parents would come back for her sometime. That just resulted in Miriam feeling like she was doing something wrong every day they didn’t. There’s no way Saphy would have done that on purpose, though; she must have believed, to begin with, that Miriam’s parents (which included Saphy’s own kid!) really were going to come back… until it became very clear that, oh dear, no, they weren’t.)

Because of all this, Miriam is just constantly assuming she’s not good enough at all times, even when it makes no rational kind of sense to think that the problem could be with her, or that anyone else would be thinking that. She even expects to be judged and looked down on by Saphy and Kiwi, the two people who most obviously would never do that to her.

When she’s heading back home at the end of Act 5, Miriam says Saphy would never be disappointed in her, and then corrects herself to “she’d never show it”. Despite how consistently supportive Saphy always tries to be to her, Miriam is so insecure that part of her imagines her grandma is judging her and thinking less of her and is just too nice to say it. Nooo, Miriam.

And when Miriam plays the Act 5 Overseer song the first time, she’s all insecure and assuming Kiwi will judge her skills and think she sucks because they’re a proper musician, unlike her. This is Kiwi, who’s barely capable of thinking a bad thing about anyone, but somehow Miriam expects she’d be an exception to this. Plus, her playing actually sounds lovely and isn’t bad at all! But when it doesn’t work, she immediately assumes it’s because she played it badly, rather than that the song was simply never going to work in that form in the first place. (This is delightfully similar to how the Overseer song in Act 4 fails the first time and Kiwi takes it to be their fault rather than realising there must be another factor at play.)

At least Miriam does show a little progress in this area as their adventure continues. When she broke Kiwi out of the Rulle jail and told them afterwards that she was pretty awesome and heroic, I felt kinda bad for her. Kiwi is the one person who would have agreed that it was awesome of her and made her feel good about herself! …except that they were unconscious the whole time and never got to see her heroics.

Still, this doesn’t seem to bother Miriam too much, and she was capable of admitting in the first place that she did an awesome thing. Seems like she’s coming to realise by this point that she actually is pretty good at bailing Kiwi out of tight spots right when they need it most. She’s an important part of this saving-the-world partnership!

Getting mad about it

Until Miriam starts making progress and feeling perhaps a little bit less inferior, though, her main method of coping with these sorts of feelings appears to be to not-very-healthily turn them into anger on the surface.

Towards the beginning, her jealousy of Kiwi outclassing her in the hero department can get pretty overtly bitter at times. And then in Xiatian, Miriam spends a lot of it being super mad about Audrey showing them up and making them look useless at every turn. (She can probably let herself be more extreme with her anger in this instance because Audrey is not on her side; it’s just natural to be angry at an enemy, right?) She gets perhaps a liiittle too gleeful about the possibility of only-semi-accidentally poisoning Audrey, too.

Along similar lines to this, Miriam also has a bit of a tendency to turn to violence as the first option when solving problems, even when Kiwi keeps trying to suggest a more peaceful approach. It says a lot about her compared to Audrey that she does defer to Kiwi and let them try diplomacy when they bring it up, despite this making her feel yet again like Kiwi’s better than her – but it’s still notable that violence is usually Miriam’s go-to solution to begin with.

During one of the conversations with her in Mohabumi, Miriam mentions that her specialisation in magic is blowing stuff up. When Kiwi is shocked at how violent that is, Miriam protests that that’s just what her magic does. Apparently she didn’t actually choose this specialisation. Another witch in Mohabumi explains that all witches have individual differences in their powers and that nobody really knows why – but I’m willing to bet that Miriam’s particularly explodey powers are a manifestation of all of her suppressed emotional frustration at herself and her place in the world.

This might be why she finds dancing to be so helpful! She’s finally found some physical outlet for everything she’s stressed about and bottling up, a way that she can let it out through action rather than words, but without being violent and risking anyone getting hurt.

Towards the end of the story, especially after the dancing and the self-reflection (more on that in a moment), most of Miriam’s angry outbursts get directed towards herself instead. This still isn’t healthy yet, but it is something of an improvement in that she’s starting to realise what her actual problems are, even if she’s then bitterly beating herself up for them. She also keeps using her anger to mask the more vulnerable emotions that she’s finding it very scary to admit to, because being angry feels familiar and is easier than openly showing how scared she is. Without that, she might not have been able to admit to so much of her vulnerability in the first place.

I like to think that, post-ending, having come to like herself a lot more and make progress on all of her issues and having a best friend in Kiwi, Miriam’s speciality in magic shifts and becomes something less destructive and more creative. It would be a lovely sign of her growth!

(…Though, knowing Miriam, that’d first manifest in her suddenly not being as good at blowing stuff up as she’s supposed to be and not understanding why and feeling like a failure again, nooo, Miriam. At least Kiwi and her grandma would be there for her to encourage her to try new things and discover what else she’s good at.)

Being an outsider

Once Miriam stops feeling quite so bitterly jealous of Kiwi and the two of them begin to feel like a proper team, things stop being so much about her trying to prove herself. Her arc shifts into being more about her self-discovery and reflection on her place in the world.

This is especially because of the places they head next, of course. Experiencing Rulle’s prejudice against witches must have reminded Miriam that being a witch is seen as weird and different and possibly bad. This is something she’d probably always felt at least a little bit while living as one of only two witches in Delphi, but being in Rulle would have brought those feelings right to the surface.

Then they head to Chaandesh, where witches come from, where she should fit in…  but even before she gets there, she seems to be subconsciously expecting to not belong. On the boat on the way there, she talks about how she knew this place existed but that it never even crossed her mind to visit, describing it as “like a special club, that I wasn’t invited to”. Sure enough, the witches of Mohabumi have all these complicated uses for magic and lives built around it in a way that’s nothing like what she’s used to, and it just feels alien to her.

This feeds into her inferiority issues, too; being different from what witches apparently “should” be like just makes her feel messed-up and broken. While struggling with her new broom, she laments that to the locals she must look like “the failure witch who can’t even do basic witch things”. (Yet it’s incredibly impressive that she can get the crappy tourist broom to fly at all, and she gets it working passably well before much longer – again, she’s beating herself up completely undeservedly when she’s actually doing great.)

During one of the conversations in Mohabumi, Miriam comments that she likes to think Saphy grew up here, even though she has no proof, just because it makes her happy to assume that. This kind of thing is pretty much what she does the whole time she’s in the city to combat how unfamiliar it all is: cling to the few things there that are familiar to her. She enjoys the music at the Crater only because the band’s from Delphi like her; she also mentions at one point that the only candy from here she likes is one that reminds her of her grandma’s cooking back home.

In that conversation at the Crater, she laments that she hoped she’d learn something about herself by being here, implying that she feels she actually didn’t. But the thing is, she did. She learned just how important her grandma is to her, and that their little house in the forest outside of Delphi – that’s her home, whether it’s where witches are supposed to belong or not. It just took being taken away from all that into somewhere new and strange for her to realise it.

She starts missing her home even as early as Act 3; if you talk to her during the coffee night on the pirate ship, she’ll mention having never been so far from home before and reluctantly admit that she’s feeling homesick. There’s also some very hard-to-find dialogue shortly after her broom breaks in which she admits that it was her grandma’s broom, that Saphy told her it’d be hers one day when she was old enough, and that the day that happened was probably the happiest day of her life. Aww, Miriam! No wonder she’s so upset at losing it. It must have felt like a piece of home, and of her grandma, still with her even in all these strange lands – except now even that’s gone, too.

Kiwi tells Miriam on their way out of Chaandesh that you don’t necessarily need to fit in anywhere to be happy. Which, though she can’t quite put it into those words just yet, is basically also what Miriam herself learned back there – that she’s happiest at home with her grandma where she can be herself, never mind worrying about if she “fits in” with everyone around her.

Of course, the other thing that lets being an outsider not sting so bad is having a friend there with you. Kiwi, the precious bean that they are, understands this straight away; during some of Miriam’s dialogue in Mohabumi as she’s feeling like she doesn’t belong, they try to reassure her with, “you have me!”

But Miriam’s response is just, “That’s nice.” It’s still a little difficult for her to openly admit just how much Kiwi’s company has been helping her, isn’t it.

Friendship is scary (but worth it!)

The final focus of Miriam’s character arc, of course, is these difficulties she has with friendship. This is partly influenced by the outsider issues making it harder for her to feel a connection to anyone in the first place, and partly her grumpiness born from her inferiority issues making it rarer for anybody else to want to get close to her.

But Miriam was probably kind of glad that her general grumpy attitude made people stay away from her (and might even have cultivated it on purpose for this reason) – because her bigger issue is that she’s simply afraid of getting close to people. Doing that might mean she’ll have to open up about her emotions and worries and problems, which is scary; it’s much easier to just hide everything she feels beneath that bitter angry shell forever.

As she confesses to Kiwi after the fact, Miriam’s decision to go home at the end of Act 5 was never really because she was too injured to go on. She was just scared of how close she was getting to them, and of how much talking about her feelings she’d been doing lately, and she wanted to run away from it all. It’s almost certainly no coincidence that this came shortly after the first time Miriam openly admitted that she considered Kiwi a friend.

I also think that this does have something to do with Miriam being hit by Audrey’s lightning, though. Not exactly in the sense of her being physically injured, but rather in terms of how that affected her emotionally and dug at those issues she has with intimacy. Though she was in too much pain to move, Miriam was still conscious the entire time Kiwi was carrying her down the hill. She was even still capable of speaking, barely – but she didn’t voice any kind of thanks to Kiwi for helping her out, as if she didn’t want to do so.

Being not just emotionally but very physically vulnerable and so literally relying on Kiwi for support like that had to have felt terrifying for her. She must have been so afraid of having to handle more of that kind of thing if she continued to go with them to that dangerous mountain. Miriam flinches initially at Kiwi’s goodbye hug probably not only because she’s physically injured and ouch, but also because oh god more emotional intimacy help what do???

…But then she can’t help but relax into the hug anyway, because she really does need it, even as she’s trying to cover it up by calling Kiwi’s concern for her “gross”. And also because, despite how scary it is, of course she cares about Kiwi and worries about them and is going to miss them. Most of her dialogue for the rest of this scene is all worrying about Kiwi being alone on the mountain and not wanting them to get hurt and mmsghsdgh they’re FRIENDS.

(Can we also talk about how great it is that Miriam has this major personal conflict based around her fear of emotional intimacy, and it’s presented as entirely platonic? Emotional intimacy with another person is not inherently romantic, and fear of it is a fun thing to explore in characters that doesn’t deserve to be restricted to only romantic plots. I love that this game’s writer understands this!)

Back in apocalyptic-Langtree, after confessing to the real reason she left, Miriam insists in her self-hatred that this means she left for “no good reason”. But really, this was just as good a reason as if it had been about her being injured. She needed to leave because of the struggles she was going through – just emotional rather than physical ones. That’s still important, too! It’s not her fault that she finds this kind of thing hard. In no way was she callously leaving Kiwi to go risk their life on a mountain just because she didn’t care.

Really, Miriam probably needed this time out to reflect on things. It let her realise that, actually, she would rather face up to all that scary intimate emotional stuff than leave Kiwi to tackle such dangerous ordeals alone. No matter how frightening it is, getting to be there for her best friend when they might need her is absolutely worth it. Her growing friendship with Kiwi and selfless desire to help them gave her the courage to finally face up to all these icky feely feelings of hers that she’d just been hiding from this whole time. They are friends.

Seeing Miriam join in with the Wandersong – and not just begrudgingly singing along, but really putting her whole heart into it – is a wonderful sign of how much she’s grown. The Miriam at the beginning of the story would never have done that. She’s become a lot more willing to openly express herself, to express emotions that aren’t just bitterness and anger, even in ways that aren’t specifically about her friendship with Kiwi, and it’s lovely.

Similarly, during the credits, Miriam’s default face has changed into something not quite so grumpy-looking. She’s still not exactly smiling, but she’s no longer so angry at everything because of her issues with herself, nor is she putting up such a prickly protective shell to push others away.

In the very last scene of the credits, Kiwi thanks Miriam for saving the world with them, much like you’d expect them to – saving the world and being a hero was what they most wanted out of this adventure, and they couldn’t have done it without her help. But then Miriam answers it with, simply, “Thanks for being my friend.” She knows that, in the end, that’s been the most important part of all of this for her, even more so than getting to save the world.

Saphy is good

Another thing I really loved in the end credits was learning that the real reason Saphy sent Miriam on a quest to save the world, and told Kiwi to go with her, is simply because she wanted her granddaughter to make a friend before the world ended. She wasn’t even expecting Miriam to succeed and save the world – not because she didn’t believe in her, but because she just didn’t really think it was likely to be possible at all. But that’s okay! More important than that is that her granddaughter doesn’t die lonely and friendless as the world ends. She always knew that this was what mattered most.

And of course Saphy couldn’t just tell Miriam that she wanted her to go and make a friend. Miriam would have been all “psh, that’s dumb” and flatly refused to try (because really she’s terrified of getting close to someone and opening up about her insecurities and there’s no way she’d have ever made herself do that on purpose). So Saphy had to lie to her and tell her it was about saving the world in order for her to go on the quest at all.

…Which, unfortunately, led to Miriam thinking that that was what her grandmother expected of her. And so she ended up thinking that she was a failure and not good enough for even her grandma, both when Saphy suddenly recruits some random singing dope who’s apparently better at this than her, and then when Miriam comes home near the end having not quite saved the world. Which is kind of heartbreaking, but I don’t know what else Saphy could really have done to avoid it. At least Miriam knows by the end that her grandma isn’t and never was disappointed in her at all.

Saphy’s “I like this one” when meeting Kiwi and deciding they should travel with Miriam is so very good. It’s not about Kiwi having the ability to save the world (even though it turns out they actually do), but about Kiwi being the exact kind of wholesome ray of sunshine that Miriam needed to gradually coax her to open up and trust them and consider them a friend. Saphy could see that about them right away. She knew exactly what she was doing when she told the two of them to travel together.

(Can Saphy also adopt Kiwi, please? As I discussed a lot in their post, they really need a decent parent figure in their life.)

(…I say that, but let’s be real, she practically already has. Kiwi is the friend that her precious granddaughter finally managed to make; of course Saphy would want to make sure they felt like basically one of the family.)

[wallofweird]

hi fae, how do you feel about people saying that kevin only tolerates madison bc of kate and therefore they won't work? :/

Hi! Well, I think these people are definitely not watching This Is Us (or any type of television, for that matter) or living on Earth. Or seeing and unseeing things according to their pre-established opinions. Either way, that’s absolutely not true. On most of their interactions Kevin is polite, as you can see it here:

I love this part because there are at least three other guests closer to him but she is the first person he offers a glass of champagne... If you pay attention to the scene, he is holding THREE glasses. He gives one to Madison and he puts another on a shelf, I don’t know about the third, but there were definitely more women in the room that could’ve had that(those) glass(es), he just didn’t care, lol. Also, Rebecca is looking and smiling at him, but he doesn’t even notice it because he is too busy looking at Madi... I mean, another direction.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Kevin doesn’t look very happy with the idea of dancing and still he doesn’t protest.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

This gif doesn’t show it, but he turns his head and watches Madison as she walks away just like on gif number 4.

Siding with her during a conversation with Kate.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Comforting Madison.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/618991372262916096/kevin-looking-at-madison-nothing-but-blue-skies

He isn’t smiling here, but does this seem to be a person that is annoyed with the other? He has soft, delicate, gentle eyes while looking at her.

And this whole thing about Kevin despising Madison and only tolerating her because of Kate is even more ridiculous because on this scene he is basically begging her to invite him to come inside.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

If he thought her company was so unpleasant, why would he accept it in the first place? He could’ve left and gone to Rebecca’s house instead, or come back after Toby got back from work, he could’ve called Randall, or Nicky, or simply gone somewhere else to make new friends because it’s not like struggles when he socializes with strangers.

And here is what Madison had to say about her night with him:

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/617836054621339648/do-you-want-to-know-why-i-think-i-slept-with

He made her feel comfortable enough to be her true self and he ended up spending at least a few hours with Madison. He spent the night at her place and only left the next morning... If her presence were so repellent, why didn’t he leave after the sex? Madison didn’t point a gun at him and forced him to stay. Even after he woke up, he kept lying next to her on the bed without a shirt on... Plus, there was the option of leaving without saying anything while she was asleep, but he didn’t do that.

Actually, the only time I believe Kevin was rude to her was at the hospital, but you have to analyze the context: his sister went into early labor, there was an endless list of possible complications to the baby and herself, it took hours until Kevin got some information, Kevin had been drinking, he was dealing with his failed attempt to connect with his uncle, the frustration of having relapsed after an entire year of being sober, feeling guilty for lying to everyone about it and the fear of losing Zoe because of those lies. He was going through A LOT. Those were probably some of the hardest hours of his life. Yet, at first he treated her just fine, it was the fact she wouldn’t stop talking (because that’s the way she was coping with the situation and usually what he does too when he’s sober, btw) that he said those things to her. Now, I don’t drink, but as far as I know people on hangover usually have headaches so it’s not weird that they will avoid noises and I remember Kevin saying a few minutes before that he was on hangover.

I also remember that he immediately regretted it and apologized to Madison, but she didn’t listen and left (I don’t blame her). And when she walked away he was hit by a dose of consciousness and realized his was being “an ass” and apologized to his family. She wasn’t the only one, he was snapping at everybody, because it wasn’t Madison, Randall or anyone else that was annoying him. It wasn’t personal. It was the stress of the entire situation that was making Kevin take it out on everybody. Plus, even though he didn’t specifically snap at Zoe, when he went outside to get some air and clear his head, she offered him company and Kevin shut her out.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/618572824853069824/im-sorry-what-exactly-are-you-doing-here

By the way, Kevin bumped into Madison when he was getting out of the elevator and attempted to apologize for a second time.

Another scene people use as an ‘example’ of rudeness is this moment on the season finale, but I sincerely disagree. Here’s why:

Kevin was in the middle of a heated fight with his brother and that was almost getting physical when Madison arrived for the party.

And when she showed up at the door he just told her the truth: it wasn’t a good time.

Now, does that look like an angry, utterly annoyed and disdainful face for you? Because the way I see it, it’s just a guy who’s weary and not in his best state of mind, which is comprehensible since he was in a middle of an argument, his mother’s health is deteriorating, Randall had talked her into doing a clinical trial in the other side of the country despite her previous refusal and that’s just SOME of the heavy stuff he was dealing with at that specific moment.

However, Madison doesn’t bother and enters the place anyway.

And Kevin doesn’t yell at her, protest or leaves, he just lets her in and closes the door.

Again: does this look like he hates Madison so much like some people make it seem?

THIS is being annoyed and/or angry:

CREDIT: https://rostovarps.tumblr.com/post/165520445651/kevin-pearson-in-this-is-us-01x07-the-best

CREDIT: https://adyadintheforce.tumblr.com/post/177326964546/shame-on-all-of-us

And this is just being upset, tired, feeling like all your energy has been drained out of your body:

If you watch the scene, his face on the picture above and on this gif has identical expressions:

CREDIT: https://ltbelanna.tumblr.com/post/189147462109/this-is-us-4x08-sorry-im-sorry-me-too-see

And really, how did these people expect him to react? Did they expect him to smile, kiss her and propose a second round of hookup? His reaction made perfect sense to everything that was happening at the time.

Do they believe things would’ve been different if it had been someone else at the door, like Kate’s neighbor Gregory or somebody from her support group? Do they think that if it had been another person he would’ve hugged them, offer coffee and crack jokes? That the problem was Madison and not the situation he was in with Randall and Rebecca? 

Anywaaaay, by the end of their conversation he had already softened up and was even slightly smiling at her. 

CREDIT: https://millennial-mess.tumblr.com/post/613565105725194240/im-so-sick-of-chasing-ghosts-im-tired-of

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/620438418688704513/you-da-best

Sure, it wan’t a wide smile because it wasn’t like his problems had disappeared all of a sudden, but he had found a silver lining in the midst of everything.

And being exhausted, upset, annoyed, stressed or angry is part of the human experience and part of being in a relationship of ANY KIND: romantic, platonic, familial. Taking it out on someone can happen sometimes as well. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. People are not perfect. People are not robots. They navigate through negative feelings and emotions too. It’s how things are in real life and also how things are on television, specially on This Is Us, which is a show that focuses on relationships and emotions.

Jack and Rebecca, Beth and Randall, Kate and Toby, Randall and Kevin, Kevin and Kate, Nicky and Kevin, Kevin and Sophie, William and Randall, Kevin and Cassidy all had moments like this... The list goes on. Would the same people define these relationships/friendships as unsuccessful and fake because of a few unfriendly moments? I doubt it, because what really defines a relationship as healthy and successful is the people’s ability to recognize their own mistakes, forgive each other, work on themselves as individuals and as friends/a couple/a family and getting even closer and stronger after facing the hardships. It’s not smiling, talking, hugging and kissing 24/7 because nobody does that. Maybe for a few days and weeks, but you won’t last even a month behaving like this, let alone YEARS.

And the complications are also what keep the story interesting and engaging. I don’t mean something like toxicity and abuse, but if couples, relatives and friends don’t disagree, argue and face problems out and within their relationship, the show doesn’t go anywhere. There must be conflict. There must be drama. And there must be happiness. It’s about balancing these aspects out.

If they want to watch something that’s always sunshine and rainbows and where the characters are always happy, they should watch a TV show targeted to three-year-old children, because honestly This Is Us has never been and will never be this kind of show. 

And we know Kevin has a pregnant fiancee on season 5 and since This Is Us is not a soap opera, I seriously doubt Kevin will go out there impregnating multiple women with multiple children and multiple sets of twins. I reckon it’s safe to say it’s Madison. That means they will go through one of the most amazing and yet vulnerable and challenging experiences two people can ever face and instead of pulling them apart, it will only bring them closer to the point they will get engaged. For me, this sounds like a relationship that is DEFINITELY WORKING.

[flowerfan2]

Part of You Indefinitely - Ch. 3

Chapter 3 is up!  Read it here or on A03.

Summary:  An accident sends Patrick to the hospital and terrifies David.  What follows changes their relationship in ways David and Patrick never imagined.  A story of love and its challenges.

Chapter 3

When Alexis returns, she tries to make David get out of Patrick’s bed, but David won’t do it.  It feels far too good to be sitting pressed up against Patrick, his body warm and alive against his side.  They compromise by raising the head of the bed until they are mostly sitting up, Patrick leaning against David’s shoulder as David hand feeds him tiny bites of cinnamon roll.

Things are going well enough until a nurse comes in to look at Patrick’s head wound, and it turns out that Alexis is the only one besides the nurse who can face the thought of stitches in Patrick’s scalp without getting dizzy.

“It’s really not that bad, Patrick,” Alexis says lightly, shoving her compact mirror back in her bag after David screeches at her to put it away.  “When your hair grows back, the scar will be completely hidden.”

“My hair?” Patrick asks.  “What did they do to my hair?”

Alexis purses her lips at him.  “I suppose you could keep that part short, David loves that 90’s asymmetric style-”

“There will be none of that,” David interrupts, propping a hip on Patrick’s bed and running his fingers gently through the untouched hair on the top of Patrick’s head.  “It’s just a little trimmed patch above your ear.  It’ll grow back in no time.”

“Why didn’t you tell me they shaved my head?  It must look ridiculous.”  Patrick looks at David, betrayed, and it’s all David can do not to laugh.  For once it isn’t David being vain.

“It’s hardly your whole head.  Your boy next door good looks are still intact.”  David kisses Patrick’s frowning lips, which seems to satisfy him for the moment.

“Eww, David.”

“Shut it, Alexis.  I’ll kiss my handsome husband whenever I like.”

Alexis tilts her head at them, and then leans down and smacks a quick kiss on Patrick’s cheek, making him blush.  “He is pretty cute, even with a shaved head.”  She stands up, grinning at them and tossing her own luscious waves – adding insult to injury, David thinks.   If someone shaved Alexis’ head without her permission there’d be hell to pay.   “I’m going to go find us some lunch.  Try to keep it PG while I’m gone.”

****

Patrick’s mood sours as the afternoon wears on.  When the physical therapist comes in to evaluate him, Patrick glares at David until David leaves the room.  David splits the next hour between pacing the hallway and answering texts from his parents, who have already flown halfway home from Fiji and are in the airport in L.A., waiting for their flight to Toronto.  He uses every trick he can think of to convince them not to come, including telling Moira that Schitt’s Creek has implemented a ban on wigs, but they board the flight anyway.  David follows this up with a quick text exchange with Jocelyn, who promises to pick his parents up at the airport and keep them away from the hospital for as long as possible.

When David is finally allowed back into the room, Patrick is having his dinner.  As David watches, Patrick fumbles with a fork, unable to get even one piece of the overcooked pasta from the bowl to his mouth.  The orderly makes a noise of disapproval, taking the fork out of Patrick’s hand and trying to feed him, at which point Patrick squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head into the pillow.

“All right, that’s enough,” David says.  “You, leave the food and clear out.”

“Patrick needs to eat-”

“And you need to go somewhere you’re wanted.  Shoo.”  David waves his hand at the orderly until he leaves, practically tsk-tsking as he goes.

David takes a deep breath and rests one hip against the bed, giving Patrick time to regain his composure.

“I don’t need to be fed like a child,” Patrick finally mumbles into the pillow.

“I know,” David says.

“It’s humiliating.”

“I’m sorry.”

David scoots a little closer to Patrick and Patrick slides his head from the pillow to David’s thigh.  “I want to go home,” Patrick says, his voice tight.

“Tomorrow, right?”

“They’re not sure.”  There’s a pause, and when Patrick continues, he’s clearly hating every word.  “They said I have to be able to transfer from the bed to a chair, and do better with meals.”

“Why?”

Patrick rolls his head, his eyes blinking up at David.  “Why?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?  So I can take care of myself,” Patrick says angrily.

“But I can take care of you,” David says, still not seeing the problem.

“You can’t,” Patrick replies.  “You have the store, and you’ll have to work even longer hours since I won’t be able to help.”

“I’ll take time off.  Patrick, come on, you really think I’m going to leave you at home alone when you’re like this?”

Unfortunately this doesn’t have the desired effect, apparently just emphasizing how helpless Patrick is right now.

“It doesn’t matter.  They’re going to send me to a rehab facility.”

It’s starting to sink in that David has missed quite a lot of information, and while a few days of rehab doesn’t sound like the worst possible thing, it’s clear that Patrick is truly shaken.

“Let me talk to them.  They can’t force you – you’re not in jail.  I’ll just take you home.”

“David, you don’t want to be stuck with me like this,” Patrick says bitterly.  “I can barely wipe my ass.  There’s no fucking choice, I have to go.”

“Patrick,” David says, rapidly realizing that things are going downhill faster than he can catch up.  If nothing else, Patrick’s use of profanity gives away how distraught he is.   “You aren’t going anywhere you don’t want to go, do you understand me?  I won’t let that happen.”

Patrick shakes his head and doesn’t answer.  David slides down until his face is up against Patrick’s, or at least the half of his face that isn’t smushed into the pillow, and whispers softly to him.  

“I know this is upsetting, more than upsetting, and you’re scared.  But you’re not alone in this.  You’re not alone in anything anymore, remember?”  He puts his arm around Patrick and pulls him close.  “Let me get all the information and see what our options are, okay?”

Patrick slides closer and buries his face in David’s neck, sniffling hard.  “Okay.”

*****

Later, after David has coaxed Patrick into eating at least a few bites of the now cold and therefore even less appetizing pasta, Patrick dozes off while an old episode of a cooking show plays on his laptop.  David goes out into the hallway and starts making calls.

He starts with Alexis, because next to his mother, she is the queen of making the impossible become possible – and while Moira seems to stumble into these situations by accident, Alexis makes things happen on her terms.  It helps that Alexis has been so chummy with Patrick’s doctor, because twenty minutes later David’s on the phone with the man himself.  They believe Patrick’s problems are caused by a head injury, not the electric shock.  But given his promising test results, there’s no medical reason Patrick can’t go home.  He’ll need some help at first – either from a family member or a home health care aide – but he can do PT on an outpatient basis if he doesn’t want to go to a residential rehab center, especially if there is someone (i.e., David) able to monitor Patrick’s condition.

David’s about to go back to Patrick’s room with the good news when he gets a text from his dad.  <i>Call me</i>

It’s progress from a guy who used to send emails in all caps.  At least this message is short.  He hopes it’s not an emergency – he’s already got his hands full with his Patrick-emergency.  His heart can only handle one at a time.

“Son, you don’t have to worry.  I’ve got it covered,” his dad says when the line connects.

“Got what covered?”

“The store.  Alexis told me about your dilemma, and you don’t need to worry about it.  Stevie’s coming in tomorrow, and between the two of us and Jocelyn after school, you won’t have to lift a finger.”

David can’t help the wave of relief he feels, even as he protests.  “Not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but last I checked you and Stevie had full time jobs of your own.”

“I already took the month off to go to Fiji, so no one’s expecting me back for at least three more weeks.  Stevie’s due some vacation time too.  Plus we just promoted two new regional managers – it’ll be good for them to have some space to do their thing without us hanging over their shoulders.”

“You can’t spend your vacation time working at the Apothecary – and you can’t make Stevie do it either.”

“Fine, I’ll give her extra vacation time, as much as she wants.  She never takes any time off anyway, no matter how much she saves up.  This will be fun for her – she doesn’t say it, but I know she misses you guys.”

It’s really too good to be true.  “Dad, are you sure?  Because Patrick and I can make it work, we’ll be okay on our own.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to do this on your own, David.”

It’s oddly reminiscent of what David just said to Patrick a little while ago.  They’re not alone in this, neither of them.

“All right, but I’m still supervising operations.  Don’t go making any changes or ordering anything different without asking me.  We have to stay on brand.”

“David, I would never.”

David lets out an embarrassing half-laugh/half-cry and presses his hand over his eyes.  “Dad, I have to get back to Patrick.”

“Okay, son.  I love you.  And tell Patrick we love him too.”

David hangs up and goes into the bathroom to splash some water on his face.  His dad has gifted them the perfect solution to this problem, even if he screws up and decorates the place with poison oak in ugly vases.  He can’t wait to tell Patrick.

Unfortunately, Patrick is fast asleep when David gets back to his room.  The nurse tells David that they gave Patrick a sedative to help him rest, and that he probably won’t wake up until morning.  Glancing at his watch, he sees that it’s nearly eleven o’clock.  No wonder he feels like he’s about to pass out.  Except for a few hours of sleep crammed in the hospital bed with Patrick last night, David has been awake since the previous morning.

“Do you have someone who can take you home for the night?”  the nurse asks.  “If Patrick wakes up I’ll help him call you.  You need to take care of yourself, so you can take care of him.”

“I’m pretty sure I told you that already,” Alexis trills at him.

David turns, and Alexis is there, smiling affectionately.  “Come on, David, give your little button a kiss and let me take you home.  I promise I’ll bring you back first thing.”

David really doesn’t want to leave, but he can barely keep his eyes open, and the thought of crawling into his own bed is irresistible.  He sends Patrick a text, letting him know he’ll be back early.

“You promise you’ll have him call me if he wakes up?”  David asks the nurse.  “Even if it’s the middle of the night?”

“I will.”  The nurse walks with them out of the room.  “He’s going to be fine, your husband.  He’s mostly just scared, but he’s going to be okay.”

“I thought medical professionals aren’t supposed to make promises like that,” David says, suddenly suspicious.

“I can tell he’s going to be okay, because he’s got you and your family on his side.”

Alexis turns and steps closer to the nurse, her eyes narrowing.  “Wait, do we know you?”

The nurse laughs.  “I’m Twyla’s second cousin, Marti.  I came to singles week at Schitt’s Creek a few years ago.”

“Ugh, do you still promise to take care of Patrick?”

Marti laughs.  “I do.  Now go home already, just looking at you is making me tired.”

*****

Sleeping in his own bed isn’t quite as wonderful as David had hoped it would be; Patrick’s absence is like a physical pain.  But David does feel more like himself in the morning.

As promised, Marti calls him around six when Patrick wakes up, and puts Patrick on the phone.  He is still a little drowsy, so David just makes sure everything is more or less okay and asks him what kind of scone he wants for breakfast.

“Blueberry,” Patrick says, surprising no one.

They get to the hospital around eight, Alexis giving Patrick a quick kiss on the cheek and then skipping off on what she says is an important work-related errand, but what David thinks is probably a coffee date with Patrick’s doctor.

“He’s named Dr. Lee,” David says.  “Do we think he’s related to someone in Schitt’s Creek too?”

“Ronnie’s last name is Lee,” Patrick says.  “But there’s not exactly a family resemblance.”

Dr. Lee is tall, built, and most likely Korean.  He reminds David of a younger, even more handsome Daniel Dae Kim. “No way to know, really.  And I’m not about to ask him.”

Patrick nods in agreement.  “I can’t believe that nurse is Twyla’s cousin.  Marti seems so normal.”

“Very funny.”

“So, what was the good news?”  Patrick looks cautiously optimistic, but still so nervous that David is compelled to sit down on the bed and pull him into his arms before he goes on.

“If you don’t want to go to that rehab place, you’re not going.  You don’t need to be there to do your PT.  You can come home, with me, and I will stay home and wait on you hand and foot until you get better.”

“David, you can’t leave the store-”

“My dad and Stevie are going to work the store.  Don’t argue with me, that part wasn’t even my doing, and it’s already decided.  Either you let me stay home with you, or I’ll wander the streets lonely and pining, but I’m not needed at the Apothecary.”

Patrick seems to be holding his breath, then asks, “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Patrick’s eyes are shining, and he leans into David, sighing deeply.  “David… thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet.  So far my mother hasn’t announced whether she’s part of this plan too, but I wouldn’t put it past her.  We might wind up with a selection of all-natural handmade wigs for sale.”

“I don’t care,” Patrick murmurs into David’s sweater.

“No, me neither.”

They pull apart when David’s stomach grumbles, and he unpacks the food he brought in.

“This doesn’t look like it came from the café,” Patrick says, as David deposits a blueberry scone iced with lemon and sparkling sugar on a paper plate.

“Nope.  We stopped at that place in Elm Falls, the one we looked at for wedding cakes?  They have a new baker with a real flair for pastries.  I’m thinking we should give them a call soon, see what it would take to set up a weekly delivery.”

David takes out his own breakfast – French toast stuffed with ricotta and strawberries, and cuts off a chunk, holding it out for Patrick to bite.

“Mmm, that’s good too.”

“Right?”

They eat in silence for a few minutes, David feeding Patrick bites of his French toast and Patrick breaking off pieces of his scone and slowly putting them into his mouth.

“Your arms seem steadier today -” David starts, and Patrick interrupts him.

“Don’t say it, I thought it too, but I don’t want to jinx anything.”

David grins at Patrick, and Patrick grins back, a little shy.  “Okay, I won’t say anything.”  He tries not to watch as Patrick picks up his iced coffee and sips from the straw, placing the plastic cup back down on the bed tray carefully but without any mishap.

“You’ll be stocking shelves in no time,” David says, and Patrick groans.  

“Shut up, please.”

Patrick’s mood improves even more when David reveals what else he brought him.

“I have never been happier to see a pair of sweats,” Patrick says, as he reluctantly lets David help him get dressed.  

“I figured that doing PT in a hospital gown probably didn’t improve the experience,” David says.  “Wait, there’s one more thing.”  He pulls out Patrick’s Café Tropicale baseball cap, which easily covers the shaved spot and the bandage on Patrick’s head.  Patrick’s smile lights up the room.

“Babe, you are really the best.”

David blushes as Patrick pulls him in for a kiss.  “I can definitely get you better hats, this is just temporary.”

“What, you mean you’re not a fan?”

David takes in his husband, smiling and laughing and thrilled to be wearing a worn green baseball cap while sitting in a hospital bed.  “I am, in fact, your very biggest fan,” he says, sappy and proud.  He kisses Patrick a few more times, for good measure, but all too soon a nurse comes in and they have to stop.

Even with his spirits lifted, Patrick still kicks David out during his physical therapy session.  David thinks it’s kind of silly, since it’s likely that the therapist might be imparting information that would be useful for them both to know, and he’d rather hear anything that’s going to upset Patrick so he can try to help deal with it before he spirals.  But he gets that Patrick is trying to hold on to some shred of privacy.  This whole situation is hell for David in terms of secondhand embarrassment, and he knows it’s a hundred times worse for Patrick.

When Patrick’s finally done with PT, David comes back into the room to find Patrick curled up on his side, his eyes closed.  David pulls his chair close to the bed and sets a hand on Patrick’s shoulder.

“You okay?” he asks quietly.

“Tired.”

“Can I get you anything?”

Patrick just shakes his head, not opening his eyes.

David leans down and presses a kiss to Patrick’s forehead, then pulls out a magazine from his bag and starts flipping through it.  He’s bored, though, and now that’s he’s actually gotten some decent sleep, full of restless energy.  If he stays here, he’s just going to annoy Patrick with his fidgeting.

“Okay if I go for a walk?”  he asks, whispering.  “I won’t be gone long.”

“Do what you want,” Patrick mutters.

It stings.  David tells himself that it’s understandable, Patrick is going through a rough time, it’s no surprise that he’s grumpy.  But Patrick is usually so unflappable.  The contrast is striking.  David is supposed to be the dramatic one, while Patrick remains calm, the sober port in David’s passionate storm.  An exaggeration, maybe, but on the nose more often than not.

Now Patrick needs him to step up and be calm and capable for both of them.   David needs to set aside his own anxieties and be there for his husband, no matter how uncomfortable it might feel.  He’s always said that he would do anything for Patrick, but it’s a lot easier to say when his husband is cheerful and healthy and really doesn’t need much except David’s fond attention.  David is determined not to let Patrick down now, but based on his track record, he can’t help but think that the odds aren’t really in his favor.

[agustdef]

Knuckleheads - Part 1

Pairing: Yoongi x OC [From Here & Now]

Genre: Idol!AU; Some fluff; Angst

Word Count: 12.6k

Warning: Angst. Some Language. Medical emergency. Unhealthy habits. (Not eating. Not sleeping. Just not taking care of one self in favor of working too much.)

Rating: PG15

Banner Marker: @shadowsremedy​

Lovely Beta Reader: @shadowsremedy​

Author’s Note: So, this is part of a two-shot for the Bangtan Scenery ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’ collab. So this month you get the angst and next month comes the fluff. I promise I won’t just leave people hanging with this ending.

P.S. The creator of this lovely banner is also my posting twin and is giving us some angst with a Jungkook x Reader story here.

Summary: When you refuse to take care of yourself, you’re accepting that the consequences may vary. Or Kendall and Yoongi can’t seem to find a balance within their work and it’s doing more damage than they think.

Kendall's fingers flew across the keyboard, her eyes focused solely on the open document in front of her. She was almost at the end and could feel it or at least that's what she tricked herself into believing. In truth she still had a few more chapters to write, but the end of chapter goal was what kept her going.

Lying to herself was the way to get stuff done.

And after twenty minutes of typing away, the chapter was finished. Kendall then took a short break to drink some water and flex her fingers, but it wasn't long before she was on the next chapter. There were deadlines she needed to meet and getting ahead was her only goal for the day.

Even if that meant she was glued to her chair for twenty-four hours.

Time passed quickly as she wrote, especially since she'd gotten lost into the world she was weaving. Before she knew it, it was midnight and she was writing the final words of her last chapter of the day. She'd breezed through writing two of them and pushed for three more, even though her eyes were begging for a break.

Just as she typed the last word, she heard an aggressive vibration coming from the drawer in her desk. Confused, she opened it up to see her phone squirming around, which made no sense since she'd told everyone to leave her be for the day.

Kendall pulled the phone out of the drawer and flipped it over just as the vibrations stopped. And when she saw the screen her eyes nearly fell out of her head.

There were twelve missed calls from Yoongi.

She'd completely forgotten that they were supposed to have a facetime that night.

He was going to be pissed.

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the phone and called him back. As she waited and was forced to see the reflection of herself, she realized she'd forgotten to do all her skincare that morning. Her face was beyond dry, but she didn't have time to remedy that because Yoongi was answering her call.

The expression on his face was blank, but she could see the annoyance in his eyes and the way his jaw was rigid.

"Hi Yoon," she said.

Being calm was her best option, because if she tried to play innocent or too sweet, he'd be even more annoyed with her than he was. And she honestly felt bad so that was the last thing she wanted.

A minute went by and he just stared at her, his eyes almost never blinking. It made the silent treatment even more uncomfortable.

Kendall sighed. "I'm sorry, Yoongi. I really am. I've been writing nonstop all day and time just got away from me. I seriously didn't mean to forget. I even set an alarm on my desktop, but it didn't notify me."

Though her words seemed to soften his expression it only lasted for a moment, because then he was leaning closer to his phone with an obvious frown.

"Nonstop? You've been writing nonstop all day?"

Kendall cursed herself for that slip up. Of course, that would make him even more annoyed with her.

Not knowing what else to say she nodded.

Yoongi ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath before his full attention turned back to her. For a moment he still looked miffed, but soon enough his entire expression shifted to one of worry.

"Why?" he asked.

Knowing she'd already ended up on his bad side she took a moment to gather her thoughts. Articulating her reasons clearly would lead to less confusion and annoyance for him if she accidentally said something in a way she didn't mean it.

"You know I'm on deadline for this rewrite and I wanted to knock out as much as possible. And I know, I know it's a bit further away and I have time, but I have all these other things to do that I wanted to get a head start. Give myself time to breathe later on since I know I'm going to have to start that outline for the one duology that Ara and I have been talking about. Plus, I don't want to spend all my time while I'm in Korea writing. So, I didn't think that a goal of ten chapters today would hurt anything," she rambled.

"Ten?" he shouted.

Again, Kendall nodded.

There was a series of sighs that he let out before he spoke again.

"Were you wearing your wrist braces?"

"Yes."

"Did you take Tylenol before you started and then again a few hours later?"

"Yes."

"Did you move around some?"

"Kind of."

Another sigh.

"Did you eat?"

Kendall knew she was screwed, but she wasn't going to lie to him.

"I had a pop tart throughout the day, but nothing else," she said.

If his glare could kill, Kendall would've died the moment he looked at her. And she understood why. It hadn't been her intention not to eat. Not eating was never her intention, but when she was focused on something else and didn't feel any biological urges, she'd forget. Even if she did get hungry it wasn't long before it slipped her mind.

After another stare down he broke again, though that time the anger didn't leave his face; it merely softened a bit.

"My day was a late start so I'm having a late lunch. It's on the way. Order something and we'll eat together. And it better be something filling. I don't care about how late it is; you need to eat."

"I can do that," Kendall said.

Not wanting him to glare at her anymore she sprang into action. Propping the phone against the monitor she went to her browser and looked at the places she had bookmarked. She wasn't craving anything specific, so she went with a Chinese restaurant not too far from her. Quickly her order of chicken with broccoli and vegetable fried rice was placed. She even flipped her camera and raised the phone so he could see her do it.

"It says fifteen minutes," she said once it sent.

He grunted. "Mine should be here around that time too."

Even though he was more at ease because she got her life together he didn't look at her. He'd sat the phone against something, and his eyes were focused on the screen in front of him. Though she wanted a little more interaction with him she couldn't help but enjoy watching him focused on work.

After a few minutes she broke the silence.

"Did you get the samples I sent you?"

Yoongi nodded and said nothing, but then directed his gaze to the camera.

"But you didn't put that one cello piece in there. That and the synth drum track," he said.

Kendall's brows furrowed and she sat the phone back down to focus on her own screen. After going into her email, she saw that it was indeed missing something and huffed.

"I'll send the synth drum and this other thing I meant to give you, but you have to wait on the cello piece. I wanted to redo it. Something sounded off," she muttered.

Despite not looking at her phone she knew he was rolling his eyes at her.

"It sounded great. You're just being a perfectionist," he said.

Kendall scoffed. "Says the man who played me Clair de Lune so flawlessly that I cried and then had the nerve to say it didn't flow well enough."

Yoongi smacked his lips, but Kendall could see a small smile form. No matter how much he pushed it back down it flared up again.

After pressing send Kendall watched him closely and said nothing. Not even when he confirmed he got the tracks did she speak a word. She just watched him with a weird smile on her face.

When Yoongi looked her way, he was taken aback by how focused on him she was, but he didn't mind it one bit.

"What?" he asked.

Without thinking she said, "I love you."

Yoongi rolled his eyes but smiled wide at her words. "I love you too, idiot. You just need to do better at taking care of yourself. This shit isn't healthy."

Kendall nodded and continued to stare at him with love in her eyes. Yoongi stared back with the same intense feeling.

They remained like that until her food arrived, then they spent the rest of the night eating and watching Sailor Moon Crystal together until Kendall fell asleep.

Kendall tried not to be annoyed, she really did, but it just wasn't feasible. And it was beyond clear to Kihyun as he drove her from the airport to Yoongi's apartment.

"I'm sorry. I called him and Namjoon, but got no answer from either of them," he said.

That made Kendall sigh. Not because she was pissy, which she was, but because he'd apologized a million times since picking her up. He apologized more than Jungkook that time he thought he'd deleted the track she was working on. In neither instance was it their fault, but both men seemed insistent on quelling her agitation.

She turned her head and stared at Kihyun; whose eyes remained on the road.

"Ki, we've been over this already. You have nothing to apologize for, so stop it. I'm not mad at you. Hell, I'm not mad at all. Just annoyed. I promise."

Kihyun glanced at her as they came to a stop light. Though he appeared skeptical after a few seconds he nodded, and she watched his body physically relax. In turn she relaxed because she hated making people feel uncomfortable when they had done nothing to warrant her mood. She could save her agitation for later.

After about half an hour and some small talk they arrived at the entrance of the building. Kihyun got out to help her with her bags and after a hi-five she made her way inside. The guard on duty was one she was familiar with and he waved at her, a smile on his face. She returned it before heading into the elevator.

As she stood and watched the floor number change it was easy to settle back into her agitated state. Pulling her phone from her pocket she checked to see if there were any messages from the hour she hadn't looked at it. The only things were from her mom responding to her landing text, some emails, and social media notification. Not one message from any of the boys.

When the doors of the elevator finally parted, she practically stormed out, dragging her luggage behind her. She punched in the code into the keypad and just as she stepped into the apartment, she saw the reason Yoongi wasn't answering. On the small table next to the door sat his phone.

Rolling her eyes Kendall kicked off her shoes and fully entered the apartment, ensuring that the door locked behind her. Since she knew he wasn't home she went about her business. That meant taking her luggage and unpacking it and then going into the kitchen to make her a quick lunch. Which was reheated kimchi stew from the fridge and some rice.

By the time Kendall finished her food a wave of tired coursed through her. She'd slept well on the plane, but that didn't make her completely void of jet lag. Staying up was the goal, but after ten minutes of sitting and fighting sleep she realized a nap wouldn't hurt. It was only three in the afternoon anyway, so it wouldn't mess with her sleep that night.

Before she slept, she checked her phone one last time, but again there was nothing from any of the people she needed messages from. Sighing, she texted the group chat and all the boys separately asking why no one was answering. She didn't bother to try and wait for a response though, merely setting an alarm and passing out on the bed.

Her dreams were filled with normal everyday things, so it was a peaceful sleep. Once she'd woken up her body still felt that linger of tiredness, but it was mostly energized. Which was a miracle for a nap. Though once she tapped the screen of her phone, she realized it was because she'd been knocked out for six hours.

None of her alarms had woken her up.

"Damnit," she groaned.

After throwing a small fit she carefully rose from the bed and stretched out. She wondered if Yoongi had appeared, though since he wasn't in the bed with her or hadn't woken her up, she was sure he hadn't. And after a quick look around the apartment, including his studio, she was proven right.

Checking her phone, she went to every single chat and there was nothing, not even a read message. And she knew they kept those things on so they could drag each other when they didn't get a prompt response. Hell, she knew that half the time Jimin went to the bathroom was to check his phone where he wouldn't get scolded and yet nothing.

Tired of it she finally texted Sejin.

Kendall: Hey, Sejin. Is everyone alive? No one is answering my texts or calls.

She went to put down her phone after that, but there was a notification before she could.

Sejin: Today's just been a bit busy with practice and things. Is there something that you need? Something wrong? Do I need to get Yoongi? I know he accidentally left his phone at home.

All the questions made her laugh. Of course, he'd think something was wrong.

Kendall: Nothings wrong. And I know he left his phone. I saw it when I got in a few hours ago

The three dots came almost instantly and then stopped. It went on like that for a minute solid and Kendall had no clue what he could possibly be typing. Finally, it came in.

Sejin: That was today???

So, Yoongi wasn't the only one who'd forgotten about her. It didn't hurt her feelings any because while it was partially Sejin's job to remember it also wasn't. He wasn't the one who was supposed to come get her. Nor was he the one who left her sitting in the airport for almost two hours.

Kendall: Yes

Again, the dots, but he didn't take as long.

Sejin: I'm so sorry, Kendall. I had it down somewhere and it slipped my mind. How did no one get back to you? Yoongi didn't contact you? That punk. I'll let them no to get back to you. We just finished and everyone should be heading home now.

That didn't really warrant much of a response, so she said ok and thank you before throwing the phone on the couch. Them getting back to her was no longer a worry of hers, so she'd just continue with her evening.

Feeling disgusting she grabbed some stuff and went off to take a shower. The moment the hot water hit her skin was like a cleansing for her mind. Was her annoyance gone? No, but she felt calmer and much more relaxed. Well, at least until she remembered she'd gotten in without a shower cap on and scrambled away from the water. Thankfully, there was one already in there from when she'd been in Korea months before.

Refreshed, she hopped out the shower and got dressed. Settling on some short shorts and a tank top for her sleep attire. And after twisting her hair in large sections in order to put on her bonnet, she snagged one of Yoongi's hoodies to walk around in.

Hunger struck her again, so she found her phone and ordered from a place that had pho. It would take some time to get there and she was set on ignoring the messages from the boys that sat in her inbox. So, she went about straightening and cleaning things. She'd done the kitchen and the living room by the time she was notified the food was there. Slipping on her shoes she went down to get it, once back in the apartment she practically inhaled it.

She watched some random show while she ate, but once she was done the urge to be productive hit her. Grabbing her laptop from the bedroom she planned to work from the couch, but then her eyes drifted towards the hall where the studio was. Being fully immersed in her work sounded better to her, and she'd wanted to work on a track, so it made sense.

Kendall grabbed some water and a pop tart before heading into the studio.

It only took her a minute to set everything up. Even booting the computer up under her log in. Everything was just like she wanted it, thankfully. Sometimes when Yoongi typed in his password wrong too many times he used her log in and ended up altering how she liked to set up her software. It was a pain in the ass to fix.

He was a pain in the ass.

Not allowing herself to get worked up Kendall focused on the computer. Slipping on some headphones she played the track a few times before tweaking it. The goal was reggae trap, but it wasn't coming out that way at all, so she just went wherever it took her.

But twenty minutes in her phone wouldn't stop vibrating, so she was forced to deal with it. It was a series of messages from the boys. They'd all sent apologies separately, but also blew up the group chat. Scrolling through and reading them all took a solid two minutes.

She wasn't that upset with them. Much like Sejin they were supposed to remember, but weren't the ones with any real responsibility. It wasn't necessarily their job. Kendall was just being petty when she ignored their messages before.

Sighing, she realized that if she didn't reply they'd keep messaging her nonstop or start thinking she was pissed at them or something.

Kendall: It's fine. I'm annoyed and hate that I had to call Kihyun to come get me, but it's fine. I'm not mad at any of you. But I'm also trying to work, so maybe tone down the spamming

There was an overall okay in response to her and she went to set her phone down only for it to go off again. That time it was just Namjoon.

Namjoon: Did Yoongi call or text?

Kendall checked her phone for a message from someone other than Joon and there was none.

Kendall: No

Namjoon: Taehyung gave him his phone so he should get to you soon. And I swear that he feels like shit for forgetting.

Though she believed him, something in her questioned why he felt the need to emphasize that. And why Yoongi didn't just head home instead of using Tae's phone to contact her, but she chose not to ask Joon a million questions.

Kendall: Ok, thanks for letting me know

With that she got back to work but sat the phone on her thigh, so she'd feel when it went off. Enough time passed that she'd been so into her work that the vibrating almost went unnoticed. But when she realized it, she took off the headphones and answered the call from Tae's phone, though she did take note that it was over an hour later.

"Hello?" she said.

There was silence and then a gruff voice came through. "Hi, baby."

"Yes?" she wasn't going to play that game with him.

"I know I fucked up," he said.

"Accurate."

He laughed at that but kept going. "But I really need a favor from you and then I'll be on the way home. Where I will apologize thoroughly."

Of course, he needed something from her first. That explained her weird feeling about how bad he truly felt.

"What is it?" she asked.

A sigh of relief came through the phone. "There are some things in the folder labeled Jin and I need you to send it to me."

"Fine."

"Thank you so much. I love you."

In return all she did was grunt. Saving her own project, she logged out and logged into his. Within a minute or two she'd found the folder and sent it to him.

"It should be there," she said.

"Thank you. I swear I'll be home in forty-five minutes or less."

Kendall rolled her eyes. "Sure."

Right as he tried to say bye, she stopped him though, there was something else she needed to say.

"If your version of telling me your sorry involves sex, you're going to want to rethink your plan. It's not happening."

And with that she hung up.

Locking her phone, she threw it on the desk and refocused on her music. She wasn't going to let him derail what she was doing.

By the time thirty minutes passed Kendall was okay with where she was in terms of progress and knew she'd need to come back to it with fresh eyes. But she played it aloud a few times to see if she genuinely liked it.

Kendall was so immersed in listening she didn't realize that by the third playthrough she was no longer alone. Not until Yoongi's hands were on her shoulders. It caused her to jump, but when she registered his fingers she calmed down.

She then stopped the music and turned around to face him. He was looking all sweet and innocent, but she knew better than to give in to that.

"Go ahead," she said.

Yoongi immediately dropped the act and sighed. Then after staring at her for thirty seconds he moved closer and pushed her legs together. Before she could question that both of his knees were on either side of her thighs and he was sitting in her lap, his arms wrapping around her neck.

"Baby."

"Don't baby me mister."

Yoongi rolled his eyes but didn't retort.

"Kendall. I'm sorry I forgot about you today, I really am. I told myself last night, but then today was crazier than we thought it would be. It didn't help that I was up late working on this thing for Kook. Which meant I rushed out of the house forgetting my phone and then I was so wrapped up in work that nothing else crossed my mind," he rambled.

Kendall's eyes narrowed. "Pause. A thing for Kook? As in the thing you said you stopped working on and would pick up today when you had the chance. Because you'd already pulled three all-nighters this week and you needed the rest."

With each word Kendall became more annoyed and Yoongi realized he'd messed up.

She watched as he scrambled for something, but then finally gave up.

"Look, I know. I should've slept, especially since it takes me so much more energy to fake that I have energy in order to get through work. But inspiration hit and I just started working. Next thing I knew it was early in the morning and I needed to get ready for the day. I fucked up and I'll do better about it. I promise."

His words were sincere, and he wasn't the only one prone to doing that, so she couldn't be too upset with him.

"I get it. We both suck at taking better care of ourselves. We'll both do better," she said.

Yoongi nodded, removing one arm from around her neck so he could hold out his pinky. Smiling she linked her own with it.

"We'll do better," he said.

Kendall nodded and with that Yoongi got off her.

"I showered and ate dinner already, so how about we go to bed?" he asked.

A sarcastic laugh escaped Kendall and she shook her head.

"I said sex isn't happening."

Yoongi scoffed. "I just want to cuddle you, not sleep with you. Goodness, woman."

Though she didn't believe him Kendall shut everything down and allowed him to lead her out of the studio to the bedroom. There they snuggled up and watched TV. Yoongi copped several feels, especially on her butt, which he insisted was an accident.

But the truth was, they didn't do better. In fact, they got worse.

Comeback preparation came at them harder than usual and they had to dive into the chaos. Of course, it wasn't their first time handling it, but that didn't make things easier for either of them.

Yoongi was fully submerged in it, along with one or two projects outside of the group. Kendall wasn't essential for the album, but she still worked on it nearly every day. Plus, there were other groups she worked with that were preparing to comeback, along with all the writing she needed to get done. It was a blessing that projects in the western world were off limits to her during prep or the stress would've tripled.

To their credit they did try to keep things from getting out of hand, but it only took a week before they slipped into unhealthy habits. Their focus was so on getting things done so they were out of the way, that there was no thought about taking a moment to breathe. A moment to take a walk and not think about all the things that needed to be done.

If a thing they planned wasn't mandatory it wasn't going to happen. There were countless outings with friends that they flaked on. A cancelled lunch here, a trip to Lotte World there, jam sessions that were only meant for some fun and stress relief. Kendall nearly missed a friend's engagement party because she'd brushed off the reminder and twenty minutes before someone called to ask her when she was getting there.

At some point people stopped inviting them places and neither of them even noticed.

And that didn't even account for them flaking on each other. Date nights or plans to do even the grocery shopping were put off or forgotten about. Not that either of them ever brought it up, because even if they were aware enough to remember themselves something always caught their attention, so they forgot it even happened. Well, didn't happen.

It even reached the point where spending time together was sitting in Yoongi's studio and working on different things. Kendall preferred her studio for producing so she'd just bring her laptop in and write. Yoongi was usually the one to invite her, but he didn't stop staring at his screen or talking to one of the guys about a track long enough to say anything but hi.

It was getting out of control, but of the two Yoongi was the one dealing with all the stress and work better. He was pushing too hard and not taking proper care of himself, but sometimes logic would prevail. A snack would get eaten or he'd walk to a secluded park to write lyrics because he needed a change of scenery.

But even with his brief moments within reality, he was blind to the fact that Kendall was descending farther than he'd ever reached. He always had faith that she would be fine because she was strong enough to know when things truly needed to slow down, but she wasn't doing that. And right under his nose she was on a downward spiral.

For over a month he remained blind to that, everyone did. Or at least they weren't saying anything to him about it. Not that he listened much to what anyone told him when he was focused on something else.

However, at some point someone got fed up with the bullshit.

Kendall was on Yoongi's couch typing away on her laptop with music blasting through her headphones, while Yoongi sat at his desk writing lyrics. They'd started working on a song the night before that he needed help tweaking. Hours past rapidly as they brainstormed and worked through it. When that was figured out, she decided to write while he finished up.

Both neglected to notice that by the time Kendall's butt hit the couch it was seven in the morning. And they stayed like that until nine rolled around and Jin was bursting through the doors with bags in hand.

The suddenness startled them both and they stopped what they were doing to focus on him. They were met with an incredibly angry Jin and a smirking Taehyung who stood behind him watching the show.

"What time is it?" Jin asked.

"Uh..." Kendall shrugged, eyes flitting down to the bottom right of her computer screen.

When she saw the time, her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped. There was a curse from Yoongi which indicated that he'd also checked.

"Mhm, and when were you supposed to leave?" he asked.

"No later than one," Yoongi mumbled.

"And why is that?"

"Because we've already been pushing it, so the rule has been imposed for everyone so not to overwork ourselves," Kendall said.

Jin nodded. "And yet, here you two are. Up for over twenty-four hours. Plus, you haven't eaten since who knows when. So, you're going home and today is an off day."

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but Jin just reiterated his point.

"You're both going to eat all of that. Only then will you be allowed to leave and when you leave, you're going to go home and rest. Don't make me have to come over and watch you do it either. I will know if you don't."

The way he glared at them meant there was no room for argument and Yoongi wasn't going to, but Kendall had something to say.

"Actually, I have a meeting at one that's like an hour away and then I have a session at four. So..."

That made Jin glare at her, but he didn't have anything else to say. Of course, arguing it was an option, but work was work and there was no way around that. Yoongi even had it in him to look displeased by the news.

Without saying anything Jin moved farther into the studio and shooed Yoongi out of his chair and onto the couch. From there he took a seat and started pulling things out of the bag he'd brought with him. Before they knew it, containers of steaming food were in each of their laps and Taehyung was handing them drinks.

Once they had the food, he stared them down and waited, but Yoongi was the only one who started eating right away. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kendall playing with the food.

"Look, Jin we didn't mean too..."

"Just eat," Jin said, clearly not in the mood for an explanation.

After that nothing else was said and they both just sat there and ate their food. Every drop of food was consumed too because no matter how much they told him they were full he just stared at them until they continued.

It was like they were children.

When all the food was gone Jin directed to shut everything down and gather their stuff. Jin supervised every movement. It didn't stop there though. He got into the van that took them home and glared the entire drive there. Then he went up with them and watched as they both got ready for different things.

Yoongi prepared for bed and Kendall for her meetings. In half an hour of arrival she was out the door and Yoongi was down for the count.

But his sleep was only temporary.

After about twenty minutes he was up again, and his body didn't want to go back down. He gave up and dragged his feet out into the living room, where Jin was still present.

"Are you not leaving?" Yoongi asked, his voice gruff.

Jin was startled by him and jumped a little, but quickly collected himself and went back to the scowl that seemed permanent.

"Not until you've been out for a few hours. And maybe not until Ken gets back," Jin said.

Yoongi chuckled at that. "I can't sleep, and she might not be back for a while so you're going to get bored fast."

There was a moment or two of silence before Jin's expression shifted to something more distressed, a sigh escaping him.

"Yeah, I know."

That response through Yoongi off. Obviously, Jin would be tired of their antics but something about him read more than that. Yoongi couldn't pinpoint what else could be plaguing the oldest member, but he would find out. He hated seeing any of his brothers down and out.

Moving toward the couch he laid out a few feet from Jin and watched him closely.

"Something wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Yoongi asked.

That made Jin sigh again, but it was accompanied by a humorless laugh. After a second or so Jin nodded and turned to face Yoongi.

"Not when you're like this I can't."

Yoongi scoffed. "Of course, you can. I know I've been a little too focused lately, but you know I'm always here for you. You don't need to worry about that."

"You're the one I'm least worried about," he mumbled.

"Huh?"

For a moment Jin appeared conflicted, but then his expression turned serious. He turned his body so he was facing Yoongi full on and stared at him for a few seconds.

"Have you really not noticed Kendall's behavior?" Jin asked.

That made Yoongi frown. He'd been caught up in work, but he liked to think if something was wrong, he'd noticed it. There was nothing that came to mind though. All he was met with was memories of her being as engulfed in her work as him, which wasn't a great thing, but it wasn't that bad. She had a lot of work.

Though part of him felt like that line of thinking was stupid since he was on her constantly about taking care of herself. But of course, he shook it off, they were in a high-pressure time and sometimes things needed all their attention.

"She's been working a lot, but that's it. Did something happen?" he asked.

Jin groaned and wiped a hand over his face.

"You've both been working a lot, but she's taking it to an almost extreme level. Have you seriously not seen that she's almost always working on something or going somewhere to do more work? I'm not even sure that she gets much sleep at this point. Let alone eats enough. I'm sure this morning was the biggest meal she had in a few weeks."

That made Yoongi even more confused. "But I almost always see her when you guys force a group lunch. She eats then."

Jin pursed his lips. "Have you actually seen her eat or just pick at the food while typing away at her phone and basically running away when everyone else finishes?"

Yoongi tried to think back to all the times they'd eaten together, and he remembered eating at least half his meal, but never actually seeing Kendall eat. His attention always focused on his screen or notebook. And when he'd go to put the leftovers in the fridge or trash Kendall's containers would be beside her in the exact spot it was placed. But of course, she just happened to sit it back down there or ate out of it from that position. She wouldn't forgo food for long, so she had to be eating.

"Of course, she..." Yoongi started, but then he recalls seeing her walk down the hall one afternoon and having to lean against the wall for a moment with her eyes closed. That could've been a one time thing though. Couldn't it?

It reached a point where he just laid there with his mind going over every interaction they'd had since the prep began. He was finding all types of things that seemed normal at the time, but in hindsight didn't make any sense if she was taking proper care of herself.

"Listen," Jin said, regaining his attention. "You just need to talk to her. We've all tried, but she plays it off or has something else she needs to do. Jimin almost got her to listen, but she just went back into the habit a few hours later. You're the only one who can call her out on it. You both need to be called out, but I know you'll be fine. I'm scared she's going down a dangerous path."

At that Yoongi nodded, but he was still a bit lost in his own head. He couldn't believe that he'd missed so many signs. There was just no way.

Jin confronting him the week before had woken Yoongi up from what he was doing to himself. The way he'd slimmed down a bit and how no amount of skincare could save his face; the undereye bags were going strong. It wasn't good and so he made changes in order to be healthier. Even having the younger members enforce him taking breaks multiple times a day. It was easier to see how things were going down a bad path for him and he was eternally grateful for Jin helping pull him back as he always did.

However, with his newfound clarity and self-awareness he finally saw what was going on with Kendall. Finally, he was paying attention. He watched her for a week and could see that he'd missed everything. Even the biggest flag of them all, which was how she never left her studio if she didn't need to. He hadn't been looking for that before, so it got by him, but every day until who knows when she was in that room by herself working. Food set outside would go ignored and he was sure she never even peed.

How he'd been so far gone that none of those things caught his attention was still a major question, but he couldn't focus on that. His attention needed to be on figuring out how to handle Kendall. If someone didn't get her to snap out of it, she'd lose steam completely and enter a creative block. And she didn't need to do that when all her jobs were creative. Yoongi cared more about her health than her hitting a roadblock, but he knew that when she did that it was much worse for her mentally. She put too much pressure on herself.

So, he needed to be strategic about it. Coming straight at her would do no good and if he was too nice or tried too hard to get her to forgo something to do something else, she'd suspect him. The only choice was for her lone plan for the day to be cancelled to create a slot where she was free. It would be hard for her to turn him down then, so he did what he had to.

Yoongi pulled out his phone and called Kihyun. His friend answered after a few rings.

"Hello."

"Hey, Kihyun. I have a question," Yoongi said.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Is the thing that you're working with Ken on something urgent? Can it be postponed or something?"

"Yes. Yes, it can!" Kihyun shouted.

It shocked Yoongi. "Uh, okay..."

A throat cleared and then Kihyun was speaking at a normal level. "Sorry. It's just the last time she came to work on the song she looked so tired. And even though she was working as well as usual there seemed to be a lack of her normal spark. I asked her about it, and she brushed me off, but I've been worrying about it. So, it can definitely be put on hold so she can rest or whatever you have in mind."

Everyone, but Yoongi had been paying attention it seemed.

"Yeah, I want to get her to rest. But listen, I need you to make up a reason why it's pushed to another day. She cannot know that I'm the reason that this was cancelled. Getting her to stop depends on her not knowing."

"Okay, I can do that. I'll text her now and then text you when it's done," Kihyun said.

"Thanks man."

"No problem."

With that they hung up and Yoongi shut down everything and prepared to head out. But he couldn't just stroll into her office after she got the news, so he played on his phone for half an hour after getting the confirmation text. After that he just casually made his way to her studio, knocking before letting himself in.

What he was met with was her sitting on the couch and staring at her table with a pen in hand. She was making edits, which made his appearance even better time wise. If she was doing it then that meant she was ahead of her schedule in some way and was even less likely to turn him down.

"Hey, baby. I was going to head out for some food. You want to come?" Yoongi asked.

For a moment or two she didn't say anything, but that was unsurprising since he'd asked as she started to write on the screen. Once she was done with the task at hand her attention became his and he truly saw the tired in her face. The bags under her eyes were prominent and her usually plump cheeks weren't as chubby. It made him feel even worse for not noticing it before.

"Uh. I'm not really hungry." she said, her voice softer than usual.

"But you were gone before breakfast. Come eat with me. Unless you have something else planned?"

That made her sigh and deflate a little. Yoongi almost felt bad for messing with her schedule, but it needed to be done.

"No. Ki said that something in his schedule changed so he'd need to meet with me another day."

Yoongi tried his best to seem chill about it. "Damn, that sucks. I hope they aren't overworking him over there as per usual. Okay, then you can come eat with me since your meeting fell through."

Again, he was met with no response for several seconds, but then she nodded her head and carefully rose from the couch. It was clear that it disoriented her a little, but Yoongi couldn't react to it. He had to let her move at her own pace and get her where he wanted her to be.

As she packed up her stuff, he kept a close eye on her.

"Is there anything you want to get in particular?" she asked.

Yoongi shook his head. "Nah, not really. I was thinking something close by, but then I also remembered that Jin put some kimchi stew in the fridge so we could just eat that."

Kendall froze and that worried Yoongi, he did not need to be found out so early. But when she turned around, she smiled at him.

"That sounds really good."

He returned the smile. "Great. I already had one of the vans waiting out front for me, so we can just tell them where we're going."

Kendall nodded and then motioned for Yoongi to lead the way. When he turned around, he released a deep breath and led them out of the building and into the awaiting van. Once they were on the road it was silent between them, but he didn't mind. He needed to ensure that he didn't say something too soon and if they got talking, he would slip up.

Once they arrived home, he led her upstairs with a hand wrapped around her waist, which wasn't something unusual. It appeared like affection to her and everyone else, but it was mostly him trying to keep her stable enough that she didn't sway or stumble. If that happened, she'd get defensive when he asked if she was okay.

They got into the apartment without issue and Yoongi got to work reheating the food so they could eat. Kendall took a seat at the dining room table and began editing again. It wasn't too intensive, so he let it be, but the moment the stew was ready, and he had some side dishes he had her put it away.

Again, they sat in silence, though that time he turned on the TV and put Brooklyn Nine-Nine on in the background. It drew in some of her attention and that's what he wanted. He needed her calm and comfortable. If she got a filling lunch and was somewhat immersed in the show some of her walls would be down. It also helped that he genuinely enjoyed the series and she knew that, so it didn't appear that he was trying anything.

But despite Yoongi's careful steps Kendall saw through him. After he'd taken the dishes to the kitchen, he returned to find her waiting for him with her arms crossed.

"What?" he asked.

"You're up to something."

That made his heart rate spike, but he'd perfected a steady expression over the years so of course that didn't show.

"What are you talking about?"

"We haven't spent real time together in a while and now you're actively seeking me out. Plus, you've been watching me a lot over the last two days. It's weird and sudden. So, what are you up to?" she asked.

"I'm not allowed to show interest and want to spend time with you now? That's suddenly... actually, no. I'm not going to do this. We'll go back and forth for forever and I'm just going to get to the point. I've stopped being so caught up in work that I noticed that you're too caught up in it. You're not taking care of yourself and I'm worried about you. Many people are worried about you. I thought we could spend some time together and that means you would rest."

Kendall's expression went from suspicious to annoyed. One of her brows raised and she rose from her seat, though she didn't move closer to Yoongi. In fact, he saw her take the smallest step back.

"So, what? You were going to try to get me to bend to your will by using things I like to lull me into a sense of comfort? Thought that would be enough to get me to forget about all the work I have to do?"

"No, I..."

"And then what? Get me to sleep? Make sure I stay in bed until tomorrow? Or were you planning on trying to get me to not work the rest of the week? Something that would put me back severely since I have things to do. Something that..."

"Stop!" he shouted. "Yes, I wanted you to take a break. And I would've loved if it was for the rest of the day. I would love for you to just sit down for a moment and relax. To sleep more than you do. To eat more than you do. I'd love for things to not be how they are now. But I wasn't and don't plan to commit some grand conspiracy against you, Kendall. I just want you to slow down and breathe."

There was silence and then Kendall scoffed. "When you're doing it it's fine, but when it's me there is suddenly this major problem. I'm fine. I'm stressed and working a lot, but I'm fine. This isn't anything that I can't handle. I've had more to do, so it's not a problem. But a problem occurs when everyone seems to think they need to insert themselves into my life for one reason or the other. I don't need to be watched like a child who can't function on her own. I'm more than capable."

Yoongi sighed and ran a hand over his face. Of course, things were taking a turn. She reacted much like him when backed into a corner when they swore, they were okay when in truth it felt like life was drowning them.

"No one is saying you're not capable, Kendall. We just want you healthy and not pushing yourself so much. You're losing weight and you look so drained of energy all the time. Even Kihyun said something was off during your last session. That you had your same work ethic, but your usual energy was gone," Yoongi said gently.

He hoped that his words would change something within her, and they did, but she was angry which wasn't the goal.

Kendall took a deep breath; her fists clenched and unclenched a few times before she glanced at Yoongi.

"Kihyun? Is that why he canceled? Because I don't seem well enough? Great."

Yoongi took a step forward, but she took two steps back.

"Everyone seems to have these grand ideas about what I should be doing and making decisions on my behalf. So, I'm going to let you all do what you want to do. But I won't be around to let you do it. I have things to get done today and Kihyun canceling means I have more time. So, if you need me for my job then let me know. Other than that, back the hell off."

With that she grabbed her stuff and was headed towards the door. Yoongi went after her, but after she slipped on her shoes she whipped around and held her hand up to stop him.

"I'll be sleeping somewhere else tonight. Don't wait up or come looking for me to make sure that I'm sleeping up to your standards."

And with that she was gone. Yoongi was left cursing himself and wishing he'd handled things differently. Maybe if he had she'd be still in the apartment. If he'd only caught on sooner maybe the evening would've been spent cuddled together on the couch or in bed. Honestly, anything was better than what happened.

Yoongi couldn't help but feel like he'd messed everything up.

Despite wanting to fix things as soon as they happened Yoongi waited it out. He knew that coming at Kendall again would just yield another argument and he didn't want that. Especially because he was likely to lose his cool and things would become worse.

So, he sat back and let her do what she wanted for a few days. Every time he ate, he grabbed her food, sat it near the door and walked away. Sometimes it would be gone when he went by again, but more often than not it was still sitting there. It was frustrating, but he didn't let up and just kept doing it. There were even little notes where he left her with encouraging messages or that relayed how much he loved her. He hoped it would help soften her and that she'd see his true intentions.

And when they worked together, he was his usual self. There was no pressure to eat, drink, or rest. Kendall had already taken to avoiding him, so he didn't want her to just completely ignore his existence. He only got such brief time with her to make sure she was okay, and he refused to risk it.

The method was honestly great for the first few days, but then after two days in a row with food untouched and her barely leaving the office he'd had enough. The boys could see it too, they watched as he was pushed over the edge.

They stood in the middle of the practice room discussing the choreography they went over a few times. It was the early stages, they were more worried about everyone getting it than it being in sync, so the topic of discussion was one move that almost everyone was struggling with.

But it was during Namjoon explaining that maybe they could alter the instrumental a little to fit that shit hit the fan.

"I could talk to Kendall about it. Of course, making changes is a bit much but it would be kind of cool. None of us are doing it as smoothly as needed and we were discussing adding more of that slightly disjointed sound to the chorus. It wouldn't take much time at all," Namjoon said.

Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded. "But when can she do it? Of course, we can practice it with that in mind, but we need to hear it and get approval before we make that choice. And she said she had a lot to do today. Something about having a new project to work on and needing to prepar..."

When Yoongi heard she took on another project his head snapped up, his eyes focused on Hoseok. The younger male was startled by the attention, especially since Yoongi was glaring at him.

"She has another what?" Yoongi said, practically shouting the words.

No one said a thing, but then after they all were the focus of his glare Jungkook said something.

"Yeah, she took on this thing for some artist she really likes. They're an American one, but she wanted it more than she cared about sticking to her rule during comeback prep."

The rage that filled Yoongi was swift and before anyone could utter another word, he was storming out of the practice room. He didn't stop until he reached the elevators, but as he waited for the doors to open, he could feel his emotions intensify. It was time to put an end to the situation and he didn't care about her being upset with him.

"Where are you going?" Namjoon called out as he caught up with Yoongi.

"To stop this shit."

"Yoongi, you can't just come at her all pissed off. She doesn't respond well to that, you know this," Joon tried to reason.

"I'm not going to her."

Just as he said that the doors opened, and he stepped through. Namjoon stood and watched him, conflict clear in his expression. Yoongi waited a second, but when he didn't make a move, he pressed the floor number. Just before the doors closed Namjoon slid in after him.

The elevator ride was tense and quiet. Yoongi was trying to control his anger so that he wouldn't lash out at anyone. No one was at fault for this and there was no need for them to have to deal with his issues. Even if they were all willing, he'd hate if he'd made anyone too uncomfortable once everything was over.

When the doors opened, they walked out and the secretary simply nodded and pointed towards their destination. After knocking and being granted entrance they walked into Bang's office.

Their boss looked prepared for their arrival and Yoongi was sure one of the boys put two and two together and warned him. He didn't mind though; it was easier to handle it if he didn't have to just show up and lay it all out when he least expected it.

"Is there something I can help you with, Yoongi?" Bang asked.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi collected himself and then nodded. "Yes, there is. Kendall has been a little, well a lot overwhelmed the last few months. She's working more than she needs to and not taking care of herself properly. Obviously, some of this stuff is out of your domain, but a lot of it is work on producing and writing. It's reached a point where she won't listen and even when things fall through, she finds a million other things to do in its place. I know that her main focus is on the girl group debut and you wanted her to take full control of that, but they won't even be announced for a few months and she's way ahead of schedule. So, what I'm asking for is her taking a break. She'll have more than enough time to come back to it and have them ready. But right now, she needs to step back. I need her to step back before things get worse."

Yoongi hadn't meant to be long winded, but once he started talking it all came out. And that included the distress he was feeling. His voice went up a few octaves and he was pleading with Bang to agree with him. He needed for him to give the go ahead.

It was silent for a moment, but then Bang nodded. "I've noticed that she's been working a lot, but I didn't know to what extent. She's farther ahead then what we talked about. Practically finished the album. So, we can put a hold on any more work until she's had proper rest. If that needs to start today, then it can. I'll send the email and make the call."

After nodding and giving a brief thank you Yoongi was out the door and back in the elevator with Namjoon hot on his heels.

"What are you going to do?" Namjoon asked.

"We're going home."

"And if she doesn't choose to go? You know she's not just going to agree. So, what are you going to do?"

For a while Yoongi didn't say anything, but the moment he stepped off the elevator he turned to face Joon.

"I'm going to tell her too much time has gone."

Namjoon's eyes widened at that, but Yoongi could see on his face he understood. That phrase - too much time has gone - was used when there was something serious they needed to talk about. Something where one of them needed to be heard out and it invoked the urge to listen better with the other. Kendall wouldn't be able to refuse and would have to see how concerned he was.

He hated using it because it always left him on edge when she used it and he would assume the worst, so he knew she had to feel it too when he did it.

"Call or text me after. Okay?" Namjoon said.

Yoongi nodded and then turned to walk down the hall. He made a quick stop in the practice room to grab his stuff and then did the same in his office. Once packed up he headed towards her studio. As he went, he prepared himself for a shit show and he really wished it didn't need to be, but he'd accept that if it meant she'd be okay.

When he walked up to the door the bag of food he'd left earlier was gone and that helped calm him. At least she ate something. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door but got nothing. Several knocks and doorbell rings later he put in the passcode and entered the studio. Instead of finding Kendall immersed in her work he was met with darkness, which was weird because she didn't have any outside work.

Yoongi flipped the switch and found everything was shut down, but something on her desk caught his eye. He moved closer and saw the bag of food, which was still untouched, but before he could focus on that his eyes drifted to the note on the desk. It was the one he left, and it read: You're doing a great job, baby. I got your favorite. I love you.

The paper was wet unlike it had been when he dropped it off and it only took a second to realize that it was from tears. Even the space around it had a few drops here and there.

His first thoughts were about if she was okay and the next were hoping that maybe they'd just been from him finally breaking through to her. Either way she needed to be found.

Yoongi sprinted out of the room and slammed into SlowRabbit who looked at him confused, but then noticed where he was coming from.

"Ken went home. Said she needed to do something," SlowRabbit said.

Muttering a quick thank you Yoongi was running again. He needed to get home fast. Thankfully once he got to the lobby Joon was waiting there with one of the drivers, once they saw him the driver headed to a car out front and Yoongi moved after him.

The drive to the apartment was tense. There was a giddiness inside of him as he clung to the idea that she'd finally seen the light, but there was also a deep-rooted fear of what could happen if she wasn't coming back to reality. It left him all over the place and sweating more than he had during dance practice.

Once in his building he felt his anxiety diminish, but for some reason he walked very slowly through the lobby and to the elevators. Like he was stalling for time trying to come up with something, but in truth his mind was completely blank. Even as the elevator indicated he was getting closer to his floor his mind remained emptied.

It was weird.

As the doors opened, he started to think again, but that quickly came to a halt. At the end of the hall there was a person collapsed onto the floor. Panic filled him and he sprinted out to them, dropping to his knees to make sure they were okay.

"Excuse me? Hey. Hey. Wake up." He chanted as he carefully rolled them over.

When he saw the face, he stopped breathing. For some reason it didn't register in his head that the person was on his floor and in front of his door. It didn't register that the person could be Kendall. Until he saw her face.

"Kendall! Kendall! Baby!"

He shook her gently, one of his hands going to cup her face. She wasn't responding or even moving and that panicked him more. His mind raced and he continued trying to get her to wake up. Screaming her name and shaking her to get some sort of response.

It took a minute or so before it clicked with him that he needed to act. That there was no time to waste.

He placed his fingers under her nose and waited, after a few seconds he was sure that she was still breathing. It wasn't strong, but it was something. He then fumbled in his pocket for his phone and when it was finally in his clutches, he dialed emergency services. His eyes never left Kendall's face and his finger remained under her nose.

When they answered he had a response ready, but instead of words a sob broke free. The tears came soon after and he was finding it hard to say anything.

"Hello? Hello? I can hear you crying, dear. Please tell me what's wrong," a soft voice said on the other end.

Yoongi took a breath and reminded himself what was at stake.

"My... my girlfriend collapsed, and I don't know how long she's been out. I found her in the hallway of our apartment building. Her breathing... her... her breathing isn't as strong as it should be. And neither is her... pul... pulse." He finally managed to choke out.

"Okay. I'm glad that you checked all those things out. If she's still breathing, there's a chance she's fine. Can you give me the location?"

He mumbled off the address and what floor they were on. As he spoke more, he calmed, but the tears never stopped and at any given moment he was hit with an intense wave of distress.

Yoongi's eyes never left Kendall, even as the dispatcher kept him talking so he wouldn't freak out too much. He couldn't take his eyes off her. The last time he'd done that led him to the pain he was enduring in that moment.

Kendall's body felt too hot and she needed to cool off but no matter how much she adjusted there was no escape. At some point she was forced to wake up and try to free herself, but the moment that her eyes opened she felt disoriented.

Everything was fuzzy and her head felt swimmy. It was as if she wasn't grounded and she didn't know why. Of course, she wanted to fight for some clarity, but she knew she'd needed to just let it pass first. So, she waited until her vision cleared and she felt settled before trying to figure anything else out.

Who knows how much time passed before she could make out her surroundings, but when she could confusion filled her. She wasn't in the apartment or in her studio, but what looked like a hospital room. But for the life of her she couldn't figure out why she'd be there.

Kendall searched her memory for something, but it was as clouded as her vision had been. She didn't let that stop her though, she focused on what she could last remember until snippets of her day came up. They were so short that she couldn't make anything out of them though. It was frustrating, but she needed answers and she was alone so there was no one to give them.

At least she thought she was alone.

As Kendall took in her surroundings and then herself, she finally noticed that she wasn't the only one in the hospital bed. Next to her lay Yoongi. He was asleep and looked so peaceful that she momentarily forgot what she was doing. It had been so long since she'd seen him like that and she wanted to savor it, but before she could even get comfortable with the idea it all came rushing back to her.

She'd been working on a track that was proving difficult for her. The idea she had in her head wouldn't translate into the actual work. Nothing she tried was working and she was close to screaming about it. Instead she decided to take a step back and finish some things on a different track for a friend. It would give her a break and the chance to get some more work done.

Halfway through that hunger struck her and she'd peeked out to see if Yoongi left any food for her like he had been. Kendall was still upset with him for actively trying to hinder her work, but she appreciated the gesture because she often forgot to eat. It wasn't that big a deal, but not having to search for food when she finally decided to eat was a good thing.

She'd grabbed the food and brought it in, but as she opened the bag there was a post-it on top. It wasn't surprising since he left them with every meal and she'd planned to sit it aside, but then she read the words. For some reason something in her finally snapped and she felt her body droop and tears fall from her eyes.

Yoongi was being so caring and loving, even after she lashed out at him. He was making sure that she at least ate and reminding her constantly that she was doing great and was enough. She'd been so caught up in doing everything that she'd let those things slip away from her. Let herself reach a point where she was so tired all the time and barely functioning mentally but using the excuse of needing to stay ahead as a reason to keep going. As a reason to not take a moment to breathe.

Kendall ran herself into the ground. And instead of giving into him and taking in what he tried to tell her she'd pushed herself further to prove a point.

But she was tired of proving that point.

So, after crying she packed her stuff and planned to head home. Yoongi was practicing so she didn't want to disturb him. She'd planned to text him after she got home and showered, it would be enough time for the boys to be taking a break. After telling Slow Rabbit she was leaving, a van took her to the apartment and she was eager to finally stop being so hardheaded so she could rest. However, as she got onto the elevator, she felt weird, but couldn't pinpoint why. She brushed it off as being tired and thought maybe she should nap and then shower.

But as she got off the elevator and walked towards the door everything around her shifted. It was like a kaleidoscope was right in front of her eyes and before she knew it her body was falling in slow motion. After that everything was blank.

The moment her brain caught up she felt herself tear up; she'd fucked up. Not only had she done damage to her body, but she couldn't imagine how Yoongi felt. Had he been the one to find her? Was he notified as he tried to live out his day? She hoped she hadn't scared him too much.

As the tears fell her hand moved to caress his cheek. At her touch he shifted but didn't wake up. Leaning down she pressed a kiss to his forehead. It was soft and lingered for several seconds. When she pulled away though, his eyes were wide open, and he was staring at her. The sadness was clear, but there was also some relief.

"Baby," he whispered.

Kendall didn't get the chance to say anything though, because he was kissing all over her face in seconds. After he pulled her tight, burying his face in her neck.

"You scared the shit out of me, Kendall. You can't keep doing this shit, okay? It needs to stop," he mumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said.

It was all she could think to say. She wanted to explain herself, but it didn't feel like the right time, so she let it be.

They spent the rest of the day like that. Even when the doctors came in Yoongi didn't stray too far from her, he always had to be touching her. If he couldn't be in the bed with her then he was holding her hand and if she left to use the bathroom, he would snatch it up the moment she was out.

It hurt her heart to see him like that. To watch him look at her as if she were going to slip through his fingers and disappear.

"I'm sorry," she started. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I should've listened to all of you and stopped letting work take over, but I just pushed myself harder. And when it finally clicked, when your note put me back into reality, I was going to take a break. I'd gone home to shower and rest. I was going to message you after to not be a disturbance and because I knew we were going to need to talk, but I didn't get the chance. I didn't mean for it to get this far."

Yoongi just watched her as she spoke, nodding along to show that he was listening. When she finished, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. He murmured about how it would be okay, and they would deal with it later. Kendall didn't think that wise, but then the boys showed up to pay her a visit and lightly scold her, so the moment was lost.

After her explanation Yoongi still remained close by, but she noticed a shift in him. His relief faded and he relaxed more, but something else rose to the surface. He was clearly annoyed and though she wanted to ask if he was okay, she knew it was best not to. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know why he was upset. Kendall expected his rage to surface at some point, but she wished it made him more vocal.

Instead of scolding her or just straight up yelling he remained silent. They didn't speak much and any conversations she tried to start fizzled within seconds. It left things tense all the time and despite the guilt it grew tiresome.

Thankfully, they only kept her for a day after she'd woken up so she could rest at home. That meant that she wasn't confined in one room with him watching her with his underlying anger, but it didn't make her feel any less uncomfortable. Yoongi still made sure she rested, took her medication, and ate. He worked outside of the home studio to keep an eye on her but kept his distance. And his silence remained. He'd even mastered answering her questions without saying a single word and after three days Kendall was over it.

She'd come home from the hospital still quite drained, but with eating regularly and resting her energy returned to her. Which meant she could risk exerting herself a bit to push the issue. And after he'd blatantly ignored a question she asked it was hard not to snap.

"Can you just fucking yell at me already? I get you have some stuff to work through and are probably trying to figure out how you want to address this, but please just do it. Just say what you want to say. Yell. Cuss. Tell me you hate me. I don't care. Just please say something!" she blurted out.

That made him pause and turn around to face her. His expression was one that he wore when he was pissed off and though it made her stomach drop it's what she wanted. What she needed.

Yoongi laughed after a few seconds. One of those humorless ones, that were so loud and obnoxious that they seemed fake. It lasted for a moment and then he abruptly stopped, taking a few steps forward so they were only two feet apart.

"Okay. I'll talk. We both went off the deep in and got too caught up in things. You more than me, but we're both guilty of it. But I was so off in my own damn world that I didn't notice you were taking it a step too far. I had to be told by Jin, who saw it from the start and tried to help. I had to be told to take a closer look at my girlfriend who I saw often, and thought was okay. I fucked up and part of this is on me. No matter what you say I'm sticking to that because I know how far you can go, and I wasn't seeing the signs. Hell, I even encouraged it with my own behavior.

"But then you have to be so damn stubborn about things. You have to think because there are no obvious effects on you that you're doing okay and that everyone else is seeing things. You push yourself too hard, Kendall. No matter how overwhelmed you are, you push so hard as if you can't take a breath. As if you couldn't half ass it and still come out with some great work. And you let yourself get so in your head that you fucking forgot that and neglected yourself. Barely ate. Barely slept. Barely did anything besides work, even when there shouldn't have been any work to do. And that shit ended with me fucking finding you passed out on the ground in front of our home. Of me fearing that you weren't going to be... be... that you weren't going to be okay. This entire situation is fucked up and I need some time, okay?

So, let me have my time to fucking think. Let me have the chance to stop being mad at you and me, so we can try to move the hell forward after this shit show."

With that he turned on his heel and walked away. He went into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. It left Kendall alone in the living room feeling worse than she had when she woke up in the hospital. She knew she had no valid reason to cry since she'd brought this on herself, but it felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest.

It felt like she'd fucked her entire relationship up.