#(only under the read more cut)

[ink-the-artist]

Rabbits

Some bonus art, I initially started making this in a totally different art style but changed my mind about halfway through lmao, here are the parts I finished

[front-facing-pokemon]

[marcmorrigan]

finally delivering on the princess tutu headshots i promised... love these dysfunctional teens 🩰💖💕

LOTS of notes about headcanons/design choices under the cut! like. a lot. dont say i didnt warn you

starting with my specialest guy fakir:

i had a suuuper clear vision for fakir, and i couldnt be happier with how he turned out, he looks exactly how i imagine him! trying to translate his Bird-Shaped Hair into my style gave me SERIOUS homestuck flashbacks. my affinity for knights with Problems knows no bounds...

adding the hyperpigmentation around his eyes and his acne scars is what really solidified this for me-- i put those in and was like oh!!! there you are!!! my boy!!! and you can tell because i gave him acne scars + thick eyebrows that he IS my boy... there are very clear trends among my headcanons for my faves lol. big noses, thick eyebrows, skin imperfections, heavy eyebags, long dark hair... and fakir truly has it all 😤 he is so Ideal Character Design to me

i think fakir is actually pretty self-conscious about his appearance tho! we see characters like pike and lilie say hes handsome to ahiru, but i dont know how often he actually hears that? and im sure its hard not to compare himself to mytho, who is straight out of a fairy tale; being a regular teenager dealing with regular teen body stuff is hard enough without your roommate being a magically beautiful eternally youthful storybook hero. i think he probably internalises more that people see him as scary and angry, and that the girls who do have crushes on him always frame it in contrast to mytho, who is Good and Kind and Handsome, implying (or sometimes outright stating!) that fakir is Bad and Mean and... Well...

fakir is very sensitive but quiet about it, so i think its a very private point of self-consciousness. i think he puts a lot of semi-secret effort into his appearance; canonically he has a lot of very funny and clearly customised clothing, and he chooses to keep his hair long and in a very particular style (i have a whole breakdown in my mind of how he achieves that style and it involves a surprising amount of pins and an unsurprising fuckton of teasing. i think his hair is a little fried from heat damage!), and i think that probably extends to other things, too, like manicuring his eyebrows and doing a lot of very Teenage Skincare that doesnt actually help his acne much lol. i think he probably has a lot of self-injurious habits and BFRBs like skin picking and chewing, mostly at his acne and around his nails (both of which he hates, because he knows he shouldnt but does it anyway). i think if he does it enough that theres noticeable evidence it feels, like, world-ending for him, ESPECIALLY if anyone asks what happened lol. do not perceive him except in the very specific ways and contexts he approves of THANKS

on to the narratives favorite princess, mytho:

again, i had a pretty clear idea of the vibe i wanted mytho to have going into this-- i want him to have, like, extreme prince charming vibes, very Classically Handsome without necessarily being 'conventional.' i thought a lot about 'the happy prince' story while i was working on this, and really wanted him to look like a cross between how the prince statue looks in my head and a porcelain doll. and also a cross between jonny brown and brigitte bardot? lots of very direct influences for him lol. so! lots of gold tones, gemmy eye color, cute little tooth gap, quivering wide-eyed thousand-yard-stare doe eyes and big ol dolly anime lashes, which were the very last thing i added because i was NERVOUS about pulling those off lol. they turned out cute tho! ive only done a handful of pieces for this series and i can already tell princess tutu is gonna make me up my lash drawing game considerably, these kids all look like they blink and cause a hurricane from the gale force wind of their falsies

also wait i lied the very last thing i did was add his freckles/beauty marks because he needed that little extra oomph and those were It. i think he probably has some on his hands/wrists too 💕

i was a little unsure if my idea for his hair would translate with this flat-color approach but im pretty happy with it! its supposed to be afrotextured hair (somewhere between 3b and 4c i think? wide range of potential i knowww but im still kind of hammering out my headcanons okay, this is exploratory lol) thats been rolled and finger-styled into his little feather shapes. i think loose, chunky twists would be another fun way to interpret his hair and twists are one of my fave styles to draw do i might draw him like that at some point too...

i guess fakir is the one who styles his hair for him before mytho gets his heart back? i imagine fakir is pretty meticulous about maintaining mythos health and appearance, even at the worst stages of their relationship. i think itd be hard for fakir to frame the way he treats mytho as For Mythos Sake if he wasnt doing some level of actually beneficial care for him, so being really fastidious about things like mythos diet and sleep hygiene and hair care and such gives fakir an outlet for his 'you just have to do what i tell you' thing that helps him convince himself it really is helping, no really, hes doing this for mythos benefit and he just has to be strict with him because mytho doesnt UNDERSTAND he needs PROTECTING and fakir is the ONLY ONE who can do it so mytho HAS to let him because if he doesnt then why does fakir even EXIST, if he cant manage this then what is he good for, and--

yknow. the usual complexes. and their relationship is so complex!!! but also so simple, but like. in a good way. fakirs behavior is complicated but his motivation regarding mytho is SO straightforward which makes that downward spiral into harm really easy to map out... i wont go much into that in this post since this is about visual/appearance-related headcanons but just. augh. i love this show and i love these characters!!! and i hope its apparent in my work that i do love them so <3

im hoping to do a set of these for the girls next!!! i have some other stuff to finish first but hopefully... Soon... Some Birds...

[liquidstar]

i think that on here we've kinda talked a lot about how the traditional "coming out" narrative presented in popculture is flawed in reality. because it always presents this idea that you have to tell everyone who you Really are, that youre Hiding parts of yourself, that you can never be You until you bare your Secrets to the world. and that actually this isnt because people feel entitled to your personal business but that its hurting YOU when they dont know your personal business so you should really just tell them. (but also dont be "too" proud because thats annoying :( act mostly cishet please but dont lie about it! hehe!) it will work out every time for sure :)

but ofc thats not how real life works. i mean, naturally i understand that there are OF COURSE people out there who want to be loud and proud about who they are, and that this is incredibly important to their identity which theyve suppressed for so long. but that "coming out" narrative is harmful because it ignores many of the reasons it had to be suppressed to begin with. its fucking dangerous! its dangerous to a lot of people for a lot of reasons. they can lose their support system, family, job, house, and their entire life. both in the sense that they'll be completely uprooted from it, and in the sense that they could be killed. so constantly presenting the notion of "coming out is good for you no matter what because its the Only way to be your Real Authentic Self and also you HAVE to do it eventually because thats how this narrative is just Meant to go. be a good little queer and please dont stray from this path."

and the problem is that plenty of young LGBT+ people completely internalize it too! ive had so many convos with young people worried about coming out to their conservative family because, well, theyre supposed to! and their minds are completely blown when i tell them that actually they dont have to do that. that theyre under no obligation to tell everyone their business and its okay to just keep being them w/o making an announcement about it. ESPECIALLY IF IT PUTS THEM IN DANGER!!!! and to be clear this issue doesnt stop at age 18 or at moving out or anything like that either, there continue to be many obstacles for many people that make coming out unsafe, or just a bad life decision to uproot everything Right Now. it's okay to just be in the closet and it isn't a moral failing like cishet media wants to convince us. we all agree, right?

good! but here's what my actual real point is:

when we talk about this, for some reason, we seem to only reaaaallly be talking about the gay side of it, right? like im sure lots of people imagined, like, teenage gay boy movies. maybe a couple lesbian and bi characters too perhaps. and that makes sense because thats like the most common narrative for this sort of trope, so ofc those are the first examples we imagine. and ofc theres the more complex addition of "passing" when it comes to trans versions of this story, the idea that you gotta look a certain way to be "valid" adds another layer.

so i think its time more people started to acknowledge this about trans people too, right? i think we can all agree with this on paper already; no trans person is obligated to come out or present a certain way if theyre not in a place where they currently are able to do so. physically, mentally, financially... or just because they dont wanna! whatever the circumstances are, there is no criteria they have to meet to be vindicated in this. it doesnt only apply to 14 year olds living with shitty parents who plan to move out soon and become "Really Trans" (as if they didnt count before conforming to The Narrative), the person could be 40 and never planning to be completely out, and its the same. they dont owe you this "showing the world who you Really are in order to [earn the right to] Be Yourself" crap. thats their choice only.

however, i also think that even if most ppl on here in lgbt circles on here agree with the general sentiment... sometimes it doesnt always get applied it practice. though the whole "truscum" thing kinda died down (thank god) i still think that rampant transmedicalism has left its scars on lots of people and the things they internalize, combined with similar cisheteronormative messages in popular media about how your narrative Should go and how you Should act and look to be respected, and its Morally Wrong not to fit that mold.

so when encountered with people who dont pass, who dont TRY to pass and instead actively choose to look like their agab due to the fact that they are literally in the closet irl (lest we forget people have whole entire complex lives outside of the net) this sort of short circuit happens in ppls heads, where that internalized idea of "but you're supposed to be THIS WAY! youre not doing it RIGHT!" pops back up and they end up labeling that person as fake or Not Trans Enough for this reason.

and i do also think part of this stems from people not having enough sympathy for those whose paths are different, because they were told not to. theres a Right way, and they did it the right way. and likely they struggled for it a lot, so isnt it unfair that people are doing it the Easy Way (as if its easy to be closeted to begin with) and claiming theyre like you? thats Wrong. they have to Earn it. you lgbts should all get mad at EACH OTHER actually! this will help your community be better [in the eyes of cishetero society that doesnt really want you to exist to begin with]

additionally the reason im emphasizing the internet side of this so much is because... well, in this day and age, thats the space lots of people go to to NOT be in the closet. to at least microdose on being "out" while in real life they very much arent. like i said before, being in the closet is rough and taxing, suppressing yourself hurts which is why so many people wanna be loud and out and proud! not everyone can though, so turning to a place with relative anonymity to get that is great, and i think its probably saved a lot of people. but also because of this, its pretty much the only way to get the scenario this is positing to begin with- where you know a stranger can know that youre trans even if youre otherwise closeted completely, just so they can tell you that youre Not. but how many people in the past do you think lived lives where they never let these feelings out at all? how many alive today do you think dont even express them online?

you know that sort trope (often stereotypes in media) of a trans person "crossdressing" only when alone, in order to get a short bit of relief or euphoria that they cant in their closed life? i think that today we have the internet to do that. i think its kind of the same thing. but its also very different, because its not as private. its still secret, because its anonymous, but its also something shared with plenty of strangers at the same time. they dont know you irl, so its safe, distant, and gives you that rush of being yourself, and being referred to correctly by others too. theres community, theres support, and theres friendship too, once you get to know those strangers. its not a "second life" or a "persona" is just a side of yourself you dont show elsewhere, an identity that needs to be let out one way or another.

who the fuck are we to deny others the right to this life-saving connection just because they arent out? because they dont pass or dress the Right way irl? because we decided they arent trying hard enough to "fit in"? because they dont plan to change their lives to fit the right narrative anytime soon?

should they not be allowed into the community then? that would be perfect wouldnt it? leave many who need support out to die, because they did it Wrong. fight within our community over who is doing it Right until we've broken it in half. the righteous ones [according to cishet standards] are surely going to be treated with respect once they get rid of the Bad ones, right?

yeah, i dont think so. thats horseshit. we're stronger together than we are apart, thats why infighting is so useful to those who dont want us to be strong to begin with. its important to help each other, boost each other up, even if some of us arent playing the "right" part irl. are we really just going to sit around and accept the cishet norms as rules to live by? fuck that. not everyones story will reflect it, and you have to accept them anyway if you want a strong community. it doesnt matter how much they might look/act like their agab irl, if theyre telling you otherwise take it at face value, respect them the way you would any other. again, many of us agree with this on paper, but i think we still have to put work into acting on that too.

the end <3

[solilakoi]

We were talking in stream about all the Edgar Allan Poe stories that could make for cool Monster High doll designs... And I got Inspired~

Her name is Stella Tayle-Hart! She's a sleepwalking narcoleptic ghost who always sleeps with one eye open. Her dress is inspired by victorian nightgowns and is covered in beaded blood embroidery, and her heart glows and pulses beneath her floorboard inspired corset uwu

[wildflowercryptid]

messed around some new brushes so here's a bunch of dg doodles, (feat. two of the characters from one of the fancase ideas i've been muddling over.)

— credit to @whisperingrockers for harrow's fantastic design once again!

[sincerelyandyourstruly]

#boyyuri

on xiaoven & yearning

—

so as we all know, "yuri is when there’s themes and motifs and yaoi is when there’s two blokes who do fuck all. if you reblog this you love trans people." (tumblr user dyggot, 2023.); that "yaoi is about entanglement and yuri is about yearning." (tags by tumblr user thyminesquared, 2023, screenshot and archived on this post.)

as should be clear from these definitions, this essay is not going to concern itself with whether a pairing counts as "yaoi" or "yuri" on the sole basis of the genders of the characters involved. although i understand the deeply gendered connotations of both of these terms, to ME, yuri is about the distance between one’s self and others around them (maybe people, maybe dreams and ideals), and the deeply-rooted desires that grow in that gap as a result.

as a post made to tumblr, put in the xiaoven tag, everyone reading this knows the basic lore surrounding their characters and world: that venti is the anemo archon, god of wind and freedom; that xiao is the last yaksha, who wields the power of anemo in battle to protect his homeland of liyue; that Visions are considered to be representations of a person's dearest wish, crystallized into physical form. but let's run over the basics again real fast, just to keep this piece from having external dependencies to understand, yeah?

venti is a wind sprite from mondstadt who ascended to godhood at the end of a rebellion against the at-the-time god of storms keeping his people in a cage made of windstorm thousands of years ago, and he chose his ideal of freedom to honor the bard who led said rebellion and died at the end of the final battle, but whether the nameless bard even got to see the clear skies he fought so hard to live under is currently up to interpretation. either way, venti took on the nameless bard's appearance so that his nation's people would never forget the true hero who won their freedom, but because thousands of years have passed the people have kind of forgotten by now anyway, and venti probably has a lot of identity issues about it!

also he's a bard who plays music in exchange for wine because singing to pass on the memories of heroes past and then drinking to numb the grief of people's forgetting is how he Copes™.

AND ALSO he will occasionally sleep for hundreds of years at a time.

Meanwhile, xiao is an immortal/"illuminated beast" from liyue whose true form is technically that of a bird, but he goes around in the form of a hot emo boy, ostensibly because he needs hands to don his mask, hold his spear, and do his dance to conquer the remnants of evil gods, the act of which literally taints his soul with their sins— his karmic debts.

anyway he was enslaved by an evil god in his youth because said evil god (probably) knew his True Name and because we're going by fairy rules this means he was forced to commit atrocities (namely eating people's dreams) against his will until the god of contracts geo archon zhongli killed his previous master, gave him a new name, and contractually tasked him with the job of subduing the demonic remnants of other defeated gods, which he has since proceeded to unflinchingly, unwaveringly, and unquestioningly obey for the last few thousand years. however, despite his unfathomable obedience and devotion to his duty, his Vision (his life's greatest desire) is that of anemo (of freedom).

also a few hundred years ago when he was about to succumb to the weight of his karmic debts, xiao's life was saved by the sound of someone (venti) playing the flute in the marsh where he'd been working, and so now his dream, the deepest wish he holds closest to his heart, is to someday "wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers." (xiao's character card, genshin impact, 2021)

…can you guys believe that the dihua flute moment was like all we xv shippers had to hold onto for like two years?! that, and xiao's extremely yearnful voiceline abt venti that's just like, "venti? is that what he goes by these days? his tunes are… nevermind." but the point of this recap i hope has become clear by this point: that the relationship btwn xiao and venti seen through these few snippets alone is just rife with potent yuri energy.

like, to elaborate on the opening of thie essay, yuri is specifically about the uncross­able distance between two people who are already sitting right next to each other, so close that only a single thread of wind could even hope to weave its way between them— although, as evidenced by the fact that such a thread of wind could weave its way between them, they are still shy of truly touching— and the painful yearnings of being unable to close that gap… even though you both exist so close to one another, so similar in both place and time, you are the only thing stopping yourself from reaching across that seemingly infinite distance.

as a result, i think that unlike yaoi, yuri— thematically speaking— tends to have a greater mutuality to it: whereas i understand being in a yaoi to be more about acting on one's impulses towards one another and passing along cycles of power, i believe that an important aspect of being in a yuri is the constant fear and anxiety of violating an unspoken boundary because you're afraid that you aren't actually on the same page about those.

deep down inside, you know that you're not supposed to want all the things you've built for yourself in all those private daydreams and self-indulgent fantasies you've created about yourself with the other person, because you know you're not supposed to have drawn your boundaries the way you have, such that the other person would be let in on the most intimate parts of your identity (if they were willing to see all that is ugly sleeping under­neath your skin.)

as mentioned in the paragraph summarizing his lore, xiao's youth was marked by the fact that his very autonomy was continuously violated in service of forcing him to violate others' boundaries, crushing their hopes and devouring their very dreams. his deep cultural ties to liyue as the land of contracts means that he carries within him a keen sense of obligation as inseverable as the need to breathe; thus, saddled with guilt and believing himself to be incapable of gentility, he has come to view himself as nothing more than a weapon for others to use.

in signing his contract with the geo archon, xiao went from a situation where his agency was continuously denied and his boundaries intimately violated to one where he relinquished his agency and had his boundaries delineated for him by his new lord.

he has no desires of his own; immortals aren't so worldly. (if that were true, he wouldn't have a Vision.) he is not an active subject in his own life; anything he does is the effect of someone else's will. (if that were true, he would have stopped protecting liyue the moment that he learned his lord abdicated his rule.) he does not let anyone near him; it is inevitable that his karmic debts will force his hand against them. (if that were true, he wouldn't have been saved by the sound of venti's flute playing nearby.)

don't you see? he places himself in a subservient role to everyone around him, rigidly obeys every ritual of propriety, because he is afraid that by asserting agency over a situation, he will end up violating other people's boundaries again. except that this time, the responsibility for doing so would fall squarely on his own shoulders.

during the main quest arc for liyue, zhongli literally fakes his own death as an archon so that he can finally retire and be free from his own contractual obligation to the nation. this gives us reason to believe that xiao's contract with the geo archon has thus been rendered void, meaning he no longer has any obligation to continue his endless suffering for the sake of liyue— yet he does so anyway.

i think a lot of fans tend to view this as xiao needlessly chaining himself down to his duty, something that's often framed in fanworks as something rather tragic in venti's eyes. however, as the god of freedom, venti feels very strongly about giving other the freedom to make their own decisions, even if he himself may disagree with them or wish they had chosen differently. others' autonomy is deeply important to venti, perhaps even so far as to call it sacred: to order anything from anyone would be a violation for the boundaries venti has set for himself as an archon.

and because we're all familiar with genshin impact lore, what i have to say next should go without saying, we are all so familiar with it: the element of a person's Vision will be directly related to the kind of ideal they strive to meet and uphold, and as such, can generally tell you a lot about a person's desires.

xiao wields an anemo Vision— the only known anemo wielder in liyue until the arrival of xianyun, presumably because that is how deeply ingrained the binding sense of obligation is in its culture— and wears it visibly on his person at all times. it would be ridiculous not to believe that venti knows, and intimately so, just how xiao desires.

and i think that a lot of fans can fail to consider the idea that to xiao, his duty of protection is a choice he made of his own volition when he was first set free, and is, in all likelihood, one he continues to make in canon. yes, this choice comes with a great many obligations restraining him in various ways— but do our choices truly mean anything if they are not bound by obligation? this is something venti would obviously understand and respect as lines drawn in the sand by xiao himself, and he would never dare even suggest they be crossed.

it's clear from the various scraps of in-game lore that xiao craves proximity to and knowledge about his savior in the marsh. yet, he refuses to go out of his way to attain these things and will even deny ownership of these desires altogether because in a sense, they are blasphemy: venti, although not his archon, is still a god.

might seeking venti out over zhongli not be considered a sign of detracting, or perhaps even failing faith in the unwavering sureity of the geo archon? or even if it turns out that's not so— who is xiao to ask anything of venti? the god of freedom must surely be a flighty little thing, following his every capricious whim. to ask him to stay would be akin to tying him down, no?

clearly, there is no need for xiao to call out for him. if venti wants to be with him, he will simply be there.

(and if he doesn't, then he won't.)

((after all, it is the duty of the servant to wait on the master's call.))

it's easy to imagine that these two immortals might end up in a sort of song and dance of propriety for a while, that at fight might be genuine, but eventually just becomes habit and custom. they both want, in some way, for xiao to lay down his duty, to be free of the strict hierarchy of master & servant or god & disciple. but for venti to say it so plainly would feel like he's trying to convert xiao to his ideals— a discomfort that would more than likely only be compounded by how seriously xiao takes the word of god(s), and how expressly venti hates being treated like anything but an equal— and so he would hesitate on his feelings; whereas for xiao to speak of his desires so plainly, it would feel like a betrayal of his duty— that which he chose to shoulder as his first act of free will.

you see it, right? the gap between these two characters, whose lives will otherwise touch and cross over and over through their long, immortal lives, and the mutual desires they can both plainly and painfully read in one another, yet never individually act upon due to their already-established senses of propriety, tradition, and boundaries?

these are the basic yuriisms of xiaoven genshinimpact.

[crescentfool]

going to keep this vague on purpose but playing reload has reactivated brain chemicals in me that i forgot i had.

i think i'd want to make a more thought out post later, but i think my favorite thing about reload (aside from seeing minato in full HD glory) is how much it's made me think about video games as a storytelling medium- specifically with what mechanics and game design imply for characters.

there's a lot of quality of life features added to reload that help players easily enter a flow state and get immersed in the gameplay (most notable with tartarus)! which is so dope! reload has been such a nice blend of the mechanics from both FES and portable and it feels like a love letter to persona 3 fans.

there are definitely mechanics i miss from FES (minato's ability to wield multiple weapons being one of them). i can't deny that FES has some dated mechanics that don't necessarily feel fun for the player experience... but!

i think i mostly miss things from FES because i feel like so much of minato's characterization (for me) was informed by the gameplay experience and mechanics (e.g. fatigue system). obviously there's still other ways you can put together his personality (his dialogue responses), but i think game mechanics are a bit part of it, for me.

but in spite of that, i think reload is a really nice introduction to persona 3, it's so much more accessible and has a bunch of things to help make it more fun :) so far i think i'd recommend it to people :D

[sassenach082]

So I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking about Tom and his dad's relationship. I have just now finished another reread of I'll ride and just. You wrote their relationship with so many facets I am in awe. Tom thinking his dad does not love him, thinking he is not enough, basically raising his sibling and trying his best to defend them. Meanwhile Bill constantly criticizing but still loving his children so much? I loved reading the scene where Bill carefully cradles Tom's face and softly brushes away his hair after the bird strike, first from Tom's perspective and later on Mav's? Beautiful. Just in general, Mav observing this whole clusterfuck and still knowing that Bill loves Tom, that he cares for him?! I also truly think Bill might not have known how well Tom did in a) the Academy and b) in the Navy/his career so far. I love seeing Mav standing up for Tom and just hammering it home how good Tom is, how excellent he is. I think Bill just decided against actually finding out about Tom's talents and capabilities the second Tom decided to go Navy instead of Marines, you know? That five year period of them not talking? Or maybe he just needed an outsider's perspective and judgement on Tom. And what I really really love? I know you said it in multiple other answers already, but Bill being kind of nice, warm, patient (grandfatherly?) with Bradley is so jarring to see and makes the whole strained relationship he has with his children so bittersweet. We know he struggled with the end of his career and differentiating between career and family, but ultimately he is capable of being a family person and he is really good with Bradley. About Bradley's clay medal, about all his tank questions, when he attends Bradley's T-Ball game. It's so sweet and just gives all of this heaps of complexity because he is not just this strange bad dad who did not want to be a dad. Like yes we see him more lenient/slightly more supportive with Tim and Rachel and Sarah but it is not the same. Oh and I am 100% sure that the moment that cemented to Eleanor that Pete was family and only has Tom's best interests at heart was when Pete argued with Bill during Thanksgiving. That scene makes my day, how he casually speaks up, does not back down, Pete ends the discussion not Bill and how Pete immediately compliments Eleanor's cooking afterwards. Just Pete showing his Mav-side: being polite and charming after standing up for Tom and showing his slightly feral side. Just. I am genuinely in awe how you depict all kinds of relationships with so many layers. So realistic and wholesome!

Nonnie this lives in my head rent free, just so you know. Please allow me to talk a bit more about who Bill Kazansky is as a person, and why I actually love him a whole whole lot despite how complicated the man is, because you really only see him from Pete & Tom's perspective, but the fact that Bradley loves him in about .5 seconds is kind of a clue to who he really is deep, deep down.

Spoilers under the cut!

One of the themes of this story is, "What does it mean to be a father?" There are so many different ways to do it and it often has nothing to do with blood relations. But Tom is definitely learning what exactly it means to be a father through his relationship with Bradley, and it's kind of going to be a key going forward because he has a different perspective he didn't have before Bradley became such an integral part of his life. Ditto for Pete, just in a different way, and his relationship with Viper is equally complicated just in different ways.

Bill is a very multifaceted guy. I think it's important to think of him in the context of his life experiences. He fought in the Vietnam war and that really changed who he was, fundamentally, as a person. PTSD is definitely on the table, even though our understanding of PTSD has changed so much in recent years and back then they only sort of knew that it was even something that happened (shell shock, battle fatigue, etc, we all know what they actually mean is PTSD, something they understood much better by studying veterans of the Vietnam War).

Coming home for Bill was hard. Loud noises were hard. Sudden movements were hard. The dark was hard. Cars backfiring were hard. Screaming was hard. And he lived in a house with little kids at the time all of them clamoring for his attention because Daddy was home, and I think that probably just about killed him, and there is definitely a lot of guilt there. Deep down he knows he wasn't the kind of father they needed back then; couldn't be, was incapable of being, because he was so traumatized by what he saw/experienced/had to do in the name of his country.

To me, Bill probably took as many opportunities to not be home as he could. He would have had nightmares, flashbacks, the whole nine yards. He would have been irritable and short tempered and easily triggered, and I think he probably yelled, and he probably felt so guilty afterwards that he wanted to die. I feel like he probably clung to his wife a lot and sobbed into her shoulder at night when nobody could see him, and I think Eleanor probably struggled so much to take care of her kids and now suddenly have her sweet, caring, wonderful husband reduced to this broken man who was a shadow of his former self. His nightmares probably woke the whole house until he started to avoid sleeping, and that probably just turned things even worse.

(Now I want to write this from Bill or Eleanor's POV but it will honestly break my heart so maybe not but I digress as I often tend to do).

It makes me a little sad that some have asked if he hit his kids... I think Bill is the kind of guy who is terrified of hurting them, and so he distanced himself while he tried to get his head back on straight. Keep in mind this was the 60's-70's so talking about it was out of the question (they just didn't DO THAT back then, you know? Not regularly or in any way accepted by society). He was trying to work through it all on his own not wanting to be a burden.

What Bill needed was help, therapy, a healthy outlet. What he got instead was more training, volunteering to be out in the field as much as possible because that was normal to him. He knew how to function there; he did not know how to function in a warm house in a soft bed with a loving wife and little kids who just wanted to be with him.

And Tom? Well, he remembers. He was born in 1961, so baby Tom remembered Daddy before Vietnam. Maybe not anything sharp or exact, but to a young Tom (because believe me, little kids remember deep down even if they don't have a specific memory), it would have been so jarring having this stranger with his dad's face in his house, because where was the guy who cuddled him? Read to him? Why is daddy mad all the time? Why is he yelling? Why doesn't he love me?

Meanwhile, Bill eventually got better or as better as he could get in the context of the time period. Functioning, you could even say. Everyone telling him to just forget Vietnam ever happened while people spit on him etc (I do not envy Vietnam veterans, many of whom were drafted, having to go through what they went through, but I'm trying to stay on topic here). So, being a logical military man, he probably compartmentalized like hell and just locked it all away (Sound familiar? Looking at you, Thomas).

Then his girls were there, and they weren't wary of him like the boys had learned to be because they'd been far too little, and it was probably so relieving to him that they could just know him as he was now and not how he was before. And that definitely plays into the dynamics between the whole family, and why Tim gets away with what he does because it's hard for Bill to reprimand him as much as he does the older boys, because that's his baby, but it also frustrates him because Timmy often goes to Tom when he needs things and not him by virtue of Tom being there all the time and Bill only being there sometimes.

Anyway, the point is, William "Bill" Kazansky is a deeply traumatized person who puts up a good front of being America's Golden Boy, Decorated Colonel, Celebrated Military Officer, Beloved By His Men For Sticking With Them In The Trenches. But deep down he's just as broken as everyone else.

And then Ellie comes along and it's a balm to his heart because she just loves him to bits and pieces and doesn't give a flying fuck about family history because she's three and convinced she's the center of the universe (as all three year olds are wont to do). Bradley then enters his life, and he's young and desperate for attention and reminds him so much of Tom that it breaks his heart a little bit, because once upon a time Tom asked him a million questions an hour just like Bradley does, and he wants to talk about tanks and the Marines and what it was like to ride in helicopters (a topic most in the Kazansky family avoid, because they are perfectly aware that the Vietnam War was not a cakewalk).

Anyways. I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for noticing that Bill is a human being and a complicated one at that. I tried to make him as human as I could and I've read so many articles about the Vietnam War I feel a little crosseyed sometimes, but he's not a bad guy, not at all. Just an idiot sometimes, but then again, aren't we all?

Also, while we're on the topic, Bill Kazansky likes Pete Mitchell a whole hell of a lot even if it's grudging. Pete was the first person in literal years to call him on his shit to his face (who isn't his wife, anyway), and while he didn't enjoy it at the time, it definitely made him sit up and pay the fuck attention, not just to Pete, but to Tom, too.

Do with that information what you will.

[theundertalenebulartheory]

Chapters: 17/? Fandom: Undertale (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Frisk & Toriel (Undertale), Sans & Toriel (Undertale), Papyrus & Toriel (Undertale), Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Sans/Toriel (Undertale), Frisk & Papyrus & Sans & Undyne (Undertale), W. D. Gaster/Reader SUMMARY: Post-Pacifist Ending, Monsters are having a hard time on the surface world. Skele-bros/Reader Fic. What happens when a skeleton, a goat, a fish, a lizard, and good-hearted child with the ability to mess with time meets a purple-souled MC that will persevere come Hell or High Water with affinity for finding (and fostering) the web-like connections that surround us all? The answer may surprise you! But it probably is going to involve Metaphors, Branching Timelines, Puns, Magic, Secrets Uncovered, Hope, Intentions, Bones, and more foreshadowing per chapter than you can shake a stick at! Come join me in this vaguely canon-flavored Undertale Fic and dive into the complexities of Gravity Magic, the Existential Horrors of Summoning, and what makes Boss Monster Souls extra-special ;) You’re going to want your red string and bulletin board for this one! Or don’t! Sometimes it’s fun to just come along for the ride!

[front-facing-pokemon]

[strixhaven]

discord servers love having a thousand channels both vague enough to be incredibly confusing in what you’re allowed to post where and hyper-specific enough that you’ll get yelled at for posting the “wrong” thing in place where any reasonable person would think it belongs

[orangerosebush]

Recently I've really been reflecting on the subject of self-harm and why we engage in it -- I no longer struggle with self-harming behaviors like I did in high school (please do not worry), but I think that that legacy of my shame turning me into a weapon against myself is something that I need to grapple with if I'm ever to live a life that isn't controlled by the emotion of shame in general.

As a result of this rumination, I found an interesting article entitled "The Hand With Two Sides: Self-Mutilation and the Constructed Feminine" by Erin Martin published in the 1988-2013 University of Colorado Boulder's digital journal archive Genders. I don't agree with all the points made (particularly in terms of how Martin articulates some points on her views on psychiatry sensu lato), but I thought I'd attach under a read-more some sections that articulate parts of that very experience of having had a past of self-harming.

For a lot of what I've highlighted, I feel Martin writes about the subject such that it seems that I have always felt that is the truth of my experiences, and that it was a matter of being unable to speak until someone else described it back to me, for me, first. A lot of the issue with therapy was that the process of being treated just left me feeling more ashamed about my struggles, as though I was going in to ask to be forgiven at a sort of religious confession, as opposed to seeking counsel from a professional. And this sense of being implicitly shamed for having dysfunctional coping mechanisms (that I'd come in to address) felt unique to when I was trying to share experiences of self-harm! This, of course, meant that that sense of my struggles being unacceptable to articulate even to a therapist led me to retreat into myself (and Martin talks about how the "ritualistic privacy" of self-harming behaviors are part of what makes them so hard to break).

[fourteenthz]

balthier.... the girl almost died balthier. come on get it together man.

[bblookyyy]

i’ve decided to come out as fucking delusional. i dont care if a certain character is ooc if the character is my blorbo and them doing ooc shit makes me happy!! but like, ooc in a good way. not like, completely misinterpreting a character ooc, and rather more… actually, i might expand on that bc im not sure about why i enjoy certain kinds of ooc and not others.

like. ooc-ness that ticks me off would be people making bakugo a tsundere. no dude, he was a bully and that damage he did will not be undone. he IS getting better and you making bakugo actually did care about deku and didnt mean all that bullying is undermining all the progress he made from hating on deku because of his own insecurity issues to accepting deku’s power and status as his equal, possibly even more.

ooc-ness that i DO like would be like. um. giving tropes to characters + circumstances that would explain their canon behaviour. like vigilante deku AUs where deku is dead inside but puts on a front that would explain his canon perosnality but also matches his motivations. or traitor kaminari AU where his volt limit is fake and everything about him is to make people underestimate him. or like, making aph italy a fucking badass??? bruh it’s the gap moe. his boundless positivity has to mean a strong mind and his whole whiny crying thing would serve most beautifully to doing a 180 and surprising people with an ooc ruthless attitude.

though in the case of eridan it might be more like… shinichi from meitantei conan is canonically fucking arrogant and all ego yeah?? and yet in dcmk fanfiction he’s quiet and shy because of his time spent as conan and trying to blend into the background to avoid being killed by the BO, which makes for a lovely kaishin dynamic. kaito is the loud one and shinichi is the cute blushy one. wait YEAH!! it’s the trope where usually stoic people blush?? or express emotions they usually don’t. WAIT THAT’S IT

GAP MOE IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING

OOC IS ONLY ACCEPTABLE IF IT’S GAP MOE

anyways. eridan would rock korean fashion. but only unintentionally - if he knew he did, he’d 100% try to pull some kdrama male lead moves on anyone who looks slightly in his direction with anything that’s not murderous intent. and then proceed to immediately shatter the image they had of him.

here’s an alternate version that I think I like more

[safyresky]

Crystal Springs Chapter 16: Now on ao3!

HERE IT IS!

Chapter 16: It's Dinner Time!

Dinner time arrives and with it, a lore drop. Autumn gets to the bottom of Winter and Jack's disconnect.

This is one of my FAVOURITE chapters. I hope you all enjoy it too! It was v hard to pick a snippet to share, so I decided to go meta (this chapter has about 3 moments of self-awareness/fourth wall breaking, if you squint. It REEKS of author bias, lmao)

Jack turned back to his aunts. Summer had leaned in closer—an astonishing feat since she was already right beside him. Autumn watched, head on her linked hands, elbows on the table. Spring still sat with one leg over the other, arms crossed, glaring at Jack...but her eyebrow gave a little twitch. Interesting, Jack thought over a spoonful of mash. "Anyway, it didn't last, of course. Santa managed to come back and reverse trick me. We got back to the proper timeline, and I was almost immediately apprehended by the Elfficers for...other things, funnily enough." "Not the overthrowing thing?" Summer asked. "He froze a couple of people and locked them in a closet with their not-frozen kid," Jacqueline offered. "Shut. Up!" Summer exclaimed. Thanks Jacqueline. "Did you not know that, Summer?" Spring asked, a little too innocently. Sorry, were you not going to say that bit? "No! I didn't! Oh my gosh…then what happened?" Summer asked, shifting in her seat so that she now sat cross-legged, her chin in her hand as she leaned on the table, fully enraptured with Jack's tale. I was going to sugar coat it. You know Spring would've come back with the salt, Jack. Jack had to take a quick sip of his own drink to hide his laughter. "Well," he said, "Now we get to the good part. So, there I was! Two little elf men on either side, shoving me into the Workshop, and they bring me right before Santa. Bernard's temp had discovered Lucy and her parents in the closet, the parents frozen solid courtesy of yours truly. He and Lucy tell the big guy, who already knows all about the whole stealing Christmas thing, of course, as we were SURROUNDED by the Council, so the odds were already stacked against me!" "I can't believe I'm rooting for you right now," Autumn said. "I get that a lot," Jack joked. Autumn and Summer laughed; Jacqueline rolled her eyes, smiling, nonetheless. "Maybe you're rooting for him because you know how it ends, Aunt Autumn," Jacqueline mused, pulling her hair over her shoulder thoughtfully. "REDEMPTION ARC!" Fiera shouted down the table. Even Spring let a little smile escape, very briefly. She seemed to have loosened up a little bit, though she still sat rigid, watching Jack as intently as Winter watched her. "Spoilers, Fiera! Please!" "Sorry!" "Yeah Fiera, spoilers," Fino said, flinging more mashed potatoes at her. She dodged it in time, the potatoes beelining for Blaise. Lightning fast, Blaise smacked his spoon on the table, sending it up in the air; it deflected the mash and the pile fell with a plop onto the candle in front of them, extinguishing the flame. "You were saying?" Autumn asked, as the candle hissed. "Yeah, keep going!" Summer added.

Want to see how Jack wins over his aunts? Check out Chapter 16: Dinner Time, right HERE on ao3!

Want to take Crystal Springs from the top? Catch the Prologue, "An Encounter", HERE on ao3 and HERE on fanfiction dot net! Summary below the cut, as per the ush:

It's been almost a year since Jack Frost thawed and things are looking...well, not so great. Jack's powers are seemingly gone. Without them, the Dome that keeps the North Pole safe from the cold and its magic controlled is melting, putting everything and everyone magical at risk. Unable to hide his power shortage any longer, Jack is forced to admit the truth. Thankfully, there is a solution: enacting the Legate Law, bringing Jack and the sister that he hurt so many centuries ago back together again. But when Jacqueline starts experiencing destructive blackouts, the pair are forced to head back home to Crystal Springs, bringing Jack face to face with the rest of the family. Needless to say, between getting his powers back, helping his sister figure out what in the FROST those blackouts even were, reconciling with his parents, meeting the two even younger siblings he didn't even KNOW he had, NOT TO MENTION the ancient threat that's had it out for the ENTIRE Frost family finally making a move? Saving Christmas (regrettably) is looking to be a little bit...complicated.

And yes, if you're wondering, I did name this chapter with The Emperor's New Groove in mind. So it's best you read the chapter title exactly the way Yzma delivers THIS banger of a line (beware flashy gif):

DUH DUH DUH DAHHHHH

Next chapter will be up next week! We'll finally finally FINALLY get that sweet, sweet, Jack and Winter reunion. I think. Lemme go check smth real quick.

SORRY CHAPTER AFTER THAT. But next week: Some BADASS Frosty Sibs games, AND a good Blaise and Jack moment, AND some fun Winter moments! THEN WE GO TO THE MARKET AFTER THAT! YEAH YEAH YEAH! WOOO! (explodes)