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jiejies-corner-store · 18 days

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THE AVENTURINE FIC 😭😭 OH GOSH IM CRYING 😭😭

i’m so sorry, anon! here this should make it up 😭😭 the devil knows you're dead

pairing. aventurine x reader

tags/tw: fem!reader, references to a complicated childbirth, mother!reader, father!aventurine, spoilers to aventurine's real name, spoilers in reference to 2.1 trailblaze questline, aventurine’s nihilism and depression, references to death, hurt/comfort, ooc aventurine probably, i make shit up at the end because i want a happy ending—bite me.

sfw

a/n: ouchie. i finished 2.1 and it hurt. it hurt a lot. the ost for the “all the sad tales” is genuinely so beautiful. the trumpet just feels so melancholy yet hopeful it just goes so perfectly with aventurine’s story. but i need something that feels good now. ABSOLUTELY NOT PROOF-READ pt. 1

“As long as you are alive, the blood of the Avgin will never run dry.”

It was cold. Cold and warm. Almost feverish feeling. The type of feeling you’d get when you were freezing but your skin was hot to the touch. There was this frustrating beeping noise somewhere off in the distance that you just couldn’t tune out, finally you opened your eyes to see a sea of darkness, and seemingly at an unreachable horizon, a large circle of white light that looked like a gate.

“You’re not dead, if that’s what you’re wondering,” a voice came from beside you. How you didn’t realize there was a whole person standing next to you, you had no clue.

“Well, that’s not originally what I was going for, but now I’m a bit worried I might be,” you laughed, nervous, but curious all the same. This… person you couldn’t quite make out an exact face, or even a body for that matter, but ther was this distinct feeling that it was in fact a person. Like your instinct knew, but your brain couldn’t quite fill in the details.

“This is a place beyond mortal comprehension, if I tried to explain it to you, you would only be more confused. Walk with me,” the entity said, and without even willing your body to do so, you followed. Ripples emanated from each step as you followed and soon the inky void around you melted into an unfamiliar planet.

The sky was a deep purple, streaked with red that looked like lighting that crackled along the sky. Instead of the fluid, black ground, sand now shifted as you moved foward. Inside a small hut made of rock, you saw a woman cradling a swaddled child.

“Such a lucky child, such a blessed child… Just like your name. A gift from THEM to Avgin… my boy…”

You turned to the figure beside you and hesitantly asked, “Where are we?”

“A land of rock, but not water, lightning, but not rain, blood, but not tears,” the entity responded cryptically, which only caused a crease in your brow. You went closer to the mother in the hut and sat next to her. She whispered a blessing onto her child, but none of the words made sense to your ears. Similar to the entity, it’s like your brain scrambled them from your understanding.

The mother cried. You tried to wrap your arms around her to comfort her but only phased through her like a ghost. The baby too began to cry.

Then, the scene changed again, suddenly it was a cell with iron bars. A blond young man sat next to you. The blond’s gaze was downturned, but you could recognize that voice anywhere.

“—Thirty tanba… that’s all my life is worth.”

“That’s not…” you said, but realized it was all in vain. You tried again to take Kakavasha’s hands into your own. You wantd to take the cuffs off his wrists and cradle where the skin was rubbed raw.

“It's all or nothing…”

“Kakav—agh!”

Your future never existed You█ future never existed You█ future ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er ████ted You█ fut███ █e█er ████ted Yo██ ██████ █e█er ████ted

Your mind felt clouded, a searing headache, followed by an inability to even pin down a coherent thought. The scene shifted once more.

“What’s going on!” you shouted at the figure that stood only silently next to you, crippled on the ground, clutching at your head, fingers pressing in to try to find the spot that would alleviate this awful pressure.

When your senses were no longer blinded by pain, you were back to that inky void you started in, but this time you weren’t alone. Not far away, maybe twenty feet or so, was your Kakavasha, and a woman you didn’t recognize.

“Why are we born into this world if it's just to die?”

You stumbled to your feet to try to run to him, but with each step closer he only got further away. He walked towards that gate of light. In your head, you heart was pounding faster and faster. You failed to catch up to him. He only got further and further away until he disappeared like fireflies dispersing into the night, “Kakavasha! No—!”

Utterly devastated, you sunk back onto your knees. You didn’t know why but you had this distinct feeling of loss. Tears rolled from your eyes freely. He… he wasn’t gone surely? The entity’s presence reappeared next to you.

“Why did you show me all of this,” you asked, not sure if you actually wanted an answer.

“Because you need to go back,” the entity answered and your jaw locked, gritting your teeth so hard they hurt.

You screamed into the void, “You’re the one who brought me here!”

“I never call anyone to me… you mortals believe that it is US that determine when your time to go is… but in truth it is your own doing, whether it is your body or your mind that gives up first,” the entity said, “It is only the strength of your will that will allow you to continue down your destined path… but many give up on that path and someone else must be chosen.”

“What does this have to do with me,” you snapped. “Why are you meddling in my life? What does Kakavasha have to do with this?”

“Kakavasha still has a long road ahead of him. I have supplemented his journey all his life. It was only recently he was able to live on his own will,” said the entity ”Your body is giving up. I do not have the power anymore to keep him alive. That lies with you.”

Your surroundings melted again. You were in a hospital room and on the bed was you. Eyes closed and steadily breathing, but your heartbeat was weak. The annoying beeping from before was louder and more prominent.

“You wanted to help him. During his past, you reached out each time. There is nothing you can do about that now, but the future and the present… you still have a choice.”

Laying a hand on your unmoving body, there was a slight resistance, but with just a bit more pressure you felt as if you could phase through it entirely.

“What do I need to do,” you asked the entity.

“Live.”

You furrowed your brow at that. Of course you wanted to live… right? The entity gestured for your hand, you obliged. Against your palm was an oddly soft feeling. Warm. Like a mother’s touch against your’s. Your palms pressed together, the entity spoke,

“May the goddess Gaiathra close HER eyes three times… Keep your blood eternally pulsing… Let your journey be forever peaceful… …and your schemes forever concealed."

You lifted your head and your “body” began to disappear similar to how Kakavasha disappeared. Just before you disappeared into sparks of golden light, you had the sense about you to ask:

“Who are you?” you felt like you were shouting, but your voice was quiet.

“You could call me Fenge Biyos.”

You opened your eyes with a deep gasp for air. Your surroundings were blurry, and you rubbed at your eyes, only to realize Kakavasha was up, standing next to your hospital bed with an anxious expression, hands already grasping the one that was wiping crust from your eyes.

“You’re awake,” he choked out, holding you as if you would break, “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry I did this to you that I—”

“Kakavasha, slow down, what… why are you—no, don’t be sorry,” you finally found your words, sitting foward on the bed to wrap your arms around him. You racked your brain, trying to figure out what was going on. Your mind was still foggy, but finally that haze disappated and you remembered everything leading up to now.

“Kakavasha~” you hummed in a song-like tone, a small wrapped box with a blue and purple bow tied around it. You skipped over to his desk and wrapped your arms around his shoulders where he sat, and placed the gift in front of him, laying your head on his shoulder as your arms tightly hugged him. “I have a surprise.”

He smiled with a small laugh, “Doesn’t this usually work the other way around?” He pecked a kiss onto your check before pulling the bow off and opening the lid of the box, when he froze.

The smile on your face faltered bit when he didn’t say anything after a bit. The corners of it tightened into a more forced position, “Kakavasha? You’re gonna be a papa…”

The joy in his face from earlier had completely vanished. Only replaced by a stony, cold, poker face. He pushed his chair back and you stumbled into the wall behind. He gave you a tight smile and kissed your forehead before heading for the door and grabbing his hat. “I’ll be back later.”

With that, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving you at a loss as you fell into his chair, feeling suddenly so very empty in this large office alone.

He came back after that, apologetic for leaving you, but nothing felt truly right. He continued to reassure you that he did want to have this child, but it was a strenous time. The entire pregnancy was stressful. The doctors warned you that the level of stress you were under put you at risk for a premature birth, but you brushed them off. It was just the hormones, you were sure. Kakavasha still loved you. The ring on your finger should’ve been proof enough of that.

“How about the name Ilyas?” you suggested, laying your head on Kakavasha’s lap, “I was… looking at some databases about Avgin names and I thought that one was nice. What do you think?”

Aventurine hummed, but his mind seemed elsewhere. You let it go.

The next few months continued on in similar fashion.

But it all came to a head.

The two of you were standing in the kitchen. It had started off small. The hormones and the stress were getting to you. It was an off hand comment about him not fixing dinner, and you were tired and hungry from carrying around his child.

From there it had escalated. It turned into you were tired of feeling like you were walking on eggshells when you talked about the pregnancy. About how he was barely around for the appointments, and when he was he seemd emotionally distant… finally he exploded

“I never asked for this!” he shouted. “When did I ever say I wanted to be a father? Did you even ask me? Did you think about what I felt about this whole thing at all?”

You paused, feeling tears well up in your throat as a white-hot fear flashed through your body. You laughed, a hollow sound, “I’m sorry, Aventurine, I thought it took two people to make a baby? And you certainly made no attempt to use protection.”

He didn’t have anything to say about that. Even though the argument seemed over, you felt a nauseous feeling crawling up in your throat. Your tears felt like acid burning through your skin. Then a pain in your stomach. Your knees gave out and the last thing you remember was the scared expression on Kakavasha’s face before it all went dark.

“I was scared…. I was so scared that bringing another Avgin into this world would only bring misfortune onto you… that Gaiathra Triclops would take you from our child, just like my mother was taken from me,” he openly cried into your shoulder. “I took it out on you. I made something that should’ve been a beautiful experience something that was awful, and I understand… if you never forgive me for that but please…. please don’t leave.”

Now you were crying with him, one hand tangled in his blond locks and the other rubbing his back. Quietly, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear it, he whispered, “I can’t lose you too.”

You thought for a long time. In front of you wasn’t one of the Ten Stonehearts of the IPC. Not a calculating or cunning man, who’s only interest was in things that benefited the IPC’s bank accounts. In front of you was a broken man, who’d had everything stripped away from him when he was only a child. Who was shattered and forced to put his life back together with nothing but fear and anxiety as glue.

Did it excuse what he'd broken?

No.

“I’m here… I won’t leave Kakavasha,”

But maybe with time and effort, you could help re-glue each other with something a little more beautiful.

“Ilyas! Don’t run so far!” you called after a small blond haired child who was already ahead of you by a longshot, you turned exasperatedly to your husband, “Honey, can you go after him please? I don’t want him to get trampled by some idiot who’s not paying attention…”

The man only smiled at you, one hand firmly wrapped around your ever expanding waist, “It’s okay. There’s some of my squad that’s following him incognito. He won’t get out of our sights without them dragging him back. We can let him get his energy out. He’ll be cooped up in a hospital soon.”

You huffed conceded. Already tired from just getting through the theme park’s entrance. You were due in about two weeks, but Kakavasha was insistent that a week before you’d be under hospital supervision until you brought your second child into the world. It had taken about five years before the two of you had healed enough and there were roadbumps along the way… but you were both ready to give Ilyas a little sister.

But for now, the two of you wanted to let Ilyas have one more day as an only child. The reconstructed Penacony was nothing like the Dreamscape of the past. Fear and secrets no longer were trapped in the gilded cage of the former prison planet. With the help of the IPC and the Harmony, New Penacony was entirely real. No more dreams, just reality. They’d kept many of their old franchises and built a true theme park.

“Mama!! Picture! Let’s get a picture here before we go in!” Ilyas screeched, pointing at Clockie statue in front of the Clock Studios main attraction. You set a hand on Kakavasha’s arm, glancing up at him to try to get a read on what he was feeling. He’d let you in on the parts of his past that he’d kept a secret. The scheme behind Penacony, his proposed “death” and his encounter with his Past and Future.

He took a breathe and looked back down at you, giving you a smile that said “I’m okay” and relief flooded your bones. After walking you over in front of the camera, he crouched down and scooped Ilyas into his arms.

“Ready?” the cameraman asked and you nodded. After a brief countdown the camera flashed, and for a moment in that bright light, you saw the hopeful future that lied ahead.

#aventurine x reader #hsr aventurine #honkai star rail #hsr x reader #aventurine x you #hsr 2.1 #penacony

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softspaceboibrian · 11 months

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The Heart Wants What It Wants || Jamie Tartt

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Y/N where Y/N works at AFC Richmond || I used she/her pronouns, but there is no actual physical description, so the pronouns can be switched with whatever anyone wants or prefers!

Characters: Jamie Tartt; Keeley Jones and Rebecca Welton (Y/N's best friends); Sam Obisanya, Isaac McAdoo, Colin Hughes and Dani Rojas (Jamie's support team); Roy (being his usual grumpy self).

Summary: when Y/N goes into Rebecca's office to have her usual morning chat with her best friends, she doesn't expect it to result in a very messy confession from her crush.

Warnings: bad language, like a lot. slight sexual harassment. Roy being harsh with Jamie. Jamie being all over the place with his feelings. fluff, a lot of pining and crushing. just bad writing, really.

WC: 8355 (it's kinda long, I know... but I didn't know where to stop! sorry!)

A/N: This is my first time writing for JAmie or any Ted Lasso character in general. I hadn't written anything in months, and I guess it shows. but I was so sad that there weren't enough Jamie fics on here that I thought I could just write one of my own. hopefully people like it! I'm in the middle of my exam session, but if you have any requests or suggestions, feel free to write me!

this gif is completely unrelated, i just love phil dunstan

“Come in” Rebecca’s voice was clear and loud as always, even through the closed door. As you walked in, you took in the smell of hot tea permeating the door – definitely something you could always count on.

You greeted both Rebecca and Keeley, before plopping down on the sofa right in front of the big windows looking out onto the field. You looked out for a moment, noticing the team making their way outside to finally begin practice. You had been working at AFC Richmond for almost a year now, all thanks to Miss Keeley fucking Jones, obviously. Ever since you first day there, everyone had immediately started treating you as if you had always been part of the family, especially Rebecca. “If Keeley likes you so much, it must definitely mean something.” That was her excuse when she invited you out for drinks with the two of them on the second day. “Also, there’s only so many women working at AFC Richmond, we have to stick together, don’t we?” And the rest was history, as some author would say. Even the team had liked you since the get-go. Some more than others. There should be a disclaimer here: you had never cared for football, in any of its forms. But Keeley had been so persuading, making the job sound like a party. And she wasn’t lying. Being with the team was more fun than you could have ever imagined. Yes, some of them were self-centred, and some were self-centred pricks, even. But somehow, you had taken a liking to all of them. And now, after an entire year of working there, you knew them so well that she could even make out who was who all the way from Rebecca’s office.

You were so lost in your own thoughts, that when Keeley talked, you almost jumped out of her seat. “Babes, is everything alright?” Her voice was kind as always. “You seem off today.”

“Everything is fine.” You fixed yourself, turning around so to face both of your friends.

You smiled, or rather you forced yourself to make your smile feel as real as possible. But when you met Rebecca’s gaze you froze. She was holding one of those shortbread biscuits that Ted brought her in every morning and that you only had the pleasure to taste once and, well, you completely understood why Rebecca loved them so much. “I call bullshit.”

“What?”

“I said I call bullshit.” The woman put the last remaining bit of biscuit in the small, pink cardboard box, as to save it for later, and then made her way on the couch with you and Keeley. “You have been off for, well, quite a few days now. And I love that you’re an independent woman and everything, but Keeley and I are your friends. Actually, I would like to believe that we are your best friends. We care for you and we would very much appreciate it if you would trust us enough to come to us with your problems and thoughts.”

“Yeah, babes. You know we’re always here for you.” Keeley moved closer to you and leaned against the back of the couch.

You sighed, burying your face in your hands. You had wanted to talk with them for a while now, but you were always too afraid they wouldn’t care about it, or you were too embarrassed about how they might react to it. But this time it was them that asked you to tell them. And they seemed truly interested in knowing what was going on in your mind.

“Chop, chop, out with it.” Rebecca let her heels fall to the ground and set herself comfortably in the corner of the couch. Yeah, well, as comfortable as that extremely fitted pencil skirt gave her permission to.

You bit your lip for a moment, gathering all the courage you had. “It’s stupid, really.” You tried to laugh it off, hoping that they would just let it go.

But they didn’t. “It’s not stupid if it’s making you feel like this.” Keeley said, putting a hand on yours.

“Fine.” You sighed, looking off in front of you. “I think I may have feelings for Jamie.” You blurted out as quickly as you could.

“Our Jamie? Like, Jamie Tartt?” Keeley asked.

“I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t like him, right? I know you think it’s stupid. I know you think he’s a prick, and you’re not wrong. I know that he’s a prick. Fuck, that makes me hate myself even more. How could I like a prick? Well, he had changed a bit, and now he-s a bit less of a prick. But still, he’s Jamie fucking Tartt, he’s probably one of the hottest footballers out there, in any way possible. He could fucking have whoever he wanted. Hell, he could have a fucking model. I’m sure he had model. He had you, Keels. And I’m just me. I fucking hate that I’m feeling this.” You started rambling on aimlessly, putting out there in only a few seconds all the fears and insecurities you had been holding in for the past who knows how long.

“Hey, love. Just, wait a minute.” Rebecca’s voice broke your train of thoughts, thankfully just in time, or who knows where you could’ve ended. “Let’s just calm down a moment, okay?”

“It’s just-” You sighed. “I hate that I’m feeling these feelings. I don’t want to feel them. Not for him. I don-t want to be his latest conquest that he’s going to move on from and forget as soon as he finds someone more interesting. I don’t want this. But I can’t help it. I… Fuck, I feel like I’m back in middle school. Shit, shit, shit. How old am I? 12? No, I’m not. I’m 25 years old, for fuck’s sake. I should fall for proper man. Not people like him.” Your eyes filled up with tears, which you tried to hide as best as you could, even though you knew that the other two would notice them, nonetheless.

And they did. Rebecca and Keeley shared a quick glance, before sliding even closer to you, both immediately wrapping their arms around your figure. “Listen, babes. You said it yourself. I’ve been with Jamie, and he was in his top prick form back then. Now he’s… he’s changing. I don’t know if it’s the training with Roy or if it’s Ted finally rubbing off on him, but he’s no longer the dickhead I dumped almost two years ago.”

“She’s right. He has changed.” Rebecca agreed with Keeley. “Also, you cannot tell your heart what it should and shouldn’t feel. It will only cause you more pain, and we definitely don’t want that.” The woman had this motherly instinct that you had always loved. She always knew what to say to make you feel better, or at least less shitty about yourself. “And remember, you could never do worse than me. I was married to the king of the shitheads.” She added, which made both you and Keeley laugh.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Keeley got up and ran to the door, only to lock it and run back to the couch. “If it’s alright with Rebecca, we’re going to take the morning off to talk, just the three of us.”

“Sounds perfect to me. I really didn’t have much to do anyway.” Rebecca was a great liar. You knew she probably had so many documents to read through and to sign. But she always made time to help you with your problems. And that’s why you loved her so much. “Is that right with you, love?”

You didn’t even need to say anything. You barely nodded, and next thing you knew, the three of you were sitting on the couch with no shoes on, a warm cup of tea each and a big chunky blanket on your legs. You never really thought they would be this open with you. Yes, they had made it clear ever since the beginning that they liked you and that they cared for you. But you had never thought that you could go to them for something like that and they would do all of that for you. But they did.

“Okay, let’s start with one simple question: are you two talking? Or, I don’t know, did you go on a date?” Keeley’s question was very straightforward and made completely sense. However, the answer wasn’t as easy to give.

“Well, we haven’t really gone on like a proper date. But we did spend quite a lot of time together last week.” You looked at the other two and you could feel them asking for more information with just their eyes. “It didn’t start as the best of situations…”

------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------

You didn’t really want to go out that night. It wasn’t really your thing. You usually spent your nights at home, reading a book or watching a movie. Or, if you were lucky, you would go out with Keeley and Rebecca for dinner and drinks, which you loved. What you didn’t love was going out for drinks with people you weren’t as comfortable with. But you had never really learnt how to say no to people, so when your old high school friend – who had moved to America for college and you hadn’t heard from since – messaged you on Instagram, saying that she was back in London for a few days and wanted to go out with you to “catch up”, you couldn’t really bring yourself to decline the offer or make up an excuse. So, you just agreed and made plans to meet up with her in front of a very busy and very fancy place downtown. You hated clubs, especially busy one, but even more you hated going to new places without people you knew. But you knew the girl, in a way. You were really close in high school, so things shouldn’t be too bad, right?

“So, you’re working for a football club! Never thought it would happen!” The girl shouted over the loud music which you were already hating with all your guts. But you just pulled through it.

“Yeah, it’s a good job.” You hated having to raise your voice so much, but it was the least you could do if you wanted to have a conversation with her.

“Do you know any famous footballer?”

“I mean, I know the boys from the team. I suppose they’re famous now. But yeah.”

“Would you introduce me to any of them?”

There it was. You had been talking with her for half an hour and, knowing how she was back in high school, you had been wondering how she hadn’t yet asked you about the guys. A small part of you really wanted to believe that she had changed and that she had stopped sleeping around with guys just because they were hot. But apparently, you were wrong. “Well, it’s complicated. They’re in the middle of the Premier season right now, and most of them are training really hard hoping to be rostered for their national teams. Plus, you’re only going to be in town for a few days, so that wouldn’t really work.”

“I wouldn’t mind moving my flight back for a footballer.” She smirked.

“Maybe next time.” You fake-smiled. “Also, who would want to go out with a football player? Most of them are self-centred assholes who only care about winning.”

“But they are sexy and they have money.”

“But you’re studying law in an ivy league college, you could be the one with money in the relationship.”

“Nah, I don’t really care about that. If a hot guy with money wanted to be with me, I would literally give everything up.” She said, as if that was the most obvious answer. Now you were remembering why you never reached out to her after high school was over.

You spent another half hour listening to her blabbering about something you didn’t really care about. And you could tell that she knew, but didn’t say anything. That was how things had always been between the two of you back in school: she was the popular one, with guys running after her, and her constantly cancelling plans that you two had made to go on a date with a different guy, while you spent your afternoons with the drama club, putting on the next show, to which she was always invited but she never came. It wasn’t all bad. You actually had good times with her. You spent a lot of time over at her house, and you were almost part of her family. But once you were no longer forced to see each other every single day at school, it didn’t take long for you to realise you were completely different. So, you just stopped looking for each other, making plans or going out. That’s why, when the messages stopped coming altogether, it didn’t really hurt you, since you were the first that had started to back out from that friendship. But years had passed and you had really hoped she had grown out of that phase of her life. But you were wrong. People never change, that was what you said to yourself as you were absentmindedly nodding to whatever she was saying now.

“Listen, Y/N, do you mind if I leave you alone here for a moment? There’s a guy over there that has been eyeing me for a while now and, I don’t know, I have this feeling I should go over there.” That was her usual excuse. I have this feeling. As if sexual craving could be described as an actual feeling. But you didn’t care, you actually wouldn’t mind to spend a few minutes by yourself. So, you just told her to go. And she did. Not a single “are you sure you don’t mind” nor an “it will be quick, I promise”. She simply picked all her stuff up and left.

And then you were alone.

You thought about leaving a couple of times, but you thought it would be rude because what would happen if she came back and you weren’t there?

So, you just remained seated there, in the small booth, waiting. And waiting. You looked around, studying the crowd, and hoping that she would just come back, or at least text you to let you know her intentions for the rest of the night. But that message never came. And you waited there, alone.

Until, after almost twenty minutes, a random man approached you. He had to have been at least 15 years older than you. He was dressed all fancy, a black blazer and jeans, a white shirt with the first couple of buttons left open to show a few sparse grey hairs on his chest, as if that was something that all women found sexy; I mean, who did he think he was? Roy Kent? He walked over to your table and leaned on it to get closer to you. “Is this seat taken?”

The first thing that hit you was the almost nauseating amount of perfume and aftershave, closely followed by the stench of cigarette and alcohol as soon as he opened his mouth. “I’m waiting for a friend.” You replied, hoping that would be enough to send him away.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been sitting here alone for quite some time now.” He smiled, and you wanted to throw up. “And I don’t she’s coming back. She and that boy looked very intimate if you know what I mean.”

That comment sent shivers down your spine. How long had he been looking at you? “I’m waiting for another friend of ours.” You said, hoping that he would buy it.

He moved closer to you. “Let me wait with you. I wouldn’t want to leave such a pretty girl out here on her own.”

You hated when people called you a girl. You were a grown woman, for god’s sake! But you hated it even more when that comment came from creepy old men that were nonchalantly flirting with you.

“They should be here any minute now.” You replied quickly. “And I actually prefer to sit alone.”

“Nonsense! Let me keep you company!” He smirked, sliding even closer to you. You were on the verge of tears, feeling this awful sensation in your stomach. You felt like you were going to throw up, and you weren’t sure whether it was because of his terrible taste in perfumes, the horrible stench of smoke, or just his presence in general. You wanted to just get up and get away, but it was as if your legs had forgotten how to move. You tried to insist, telling him that you were going to meet them outside, but he wouldn’t let you go. He started moving his hand, and you knew that, if you didn’t move, he would put it on your thigh. But, with tears pooling at the corners of your eyes, your body completely froze.

“Y/N!” A voice called your name. You turned around to look at the source. Your vision was hazy from the tears, and the strobe lights weren’t exactly helping you in that moment. “I’m sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find a spot to park me car.” He walked over to your table and waited for you to do or say something to sit next to you.

“You’re Jamie fucking Tartt!” The old man exclaimed. “Fuck, man. You’re great! My mates and I don’t really like Richmond, but you’re the best player in the team. You and that Oby- Obe-, you know, the Nigerian guy.”

“Yeah, cheers, man.” Jamie replied, taking a seat next to you. “Now, would you mind leaving us alone?”

“Is she your date?” The man asked, and you could tell that he was confused because why would a star like Jamie Tartt go out with a normal girl like you?

“Do you have a problem?”

“No, no!” The old man finally stood up from the table. “You enjoy her.” He smirked and gave him a wink, before looking at you up and down for the last time and eventually leave.

You finally could feel your body relax again when your attention was caught by Jamie talking. “What a fucking creep.” He shook his head, before finally looking at you. “Are you alright? Did he do anything to you?”

You shook your head. “I think you got here just in time.” You smiled at him, almost feeling guilty for probably having ruined his night.

“Were you here alone?”

“Well, not really. I was here with a friend but she left with a guy.” You stopped, quickly looking around. “But I don’t think she’s coming back.”

“Some kind of friend.” He sighed, still looking at you, as if he were studying you, trying to understand if everything was truly okay, trying to assess the situation. “Do you want to leave?”

“What?”

“I said, do you want to go out, maybe grab a bite?” He raised his voice, thinking that you might have not heard him over the loud music.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. You can go back to your evening if you want. I’m fine, I swear.”

“I was here on me own.”

“You go to clubs alone?”

“Well, yeah.” He looked at you for a moment. “Listen, really, I don’t have anything to do here. And in any case, I would much rather spend time with you. So, if you want to leave and do something actually funny instead of waiting for some shitty friend to hopefully come back, then count me in.”

------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------

“Did you go with him?” Keeley asked, looking at you as if she was watching the latest episode of a soap opera, completely hooked up to the story.

“We spent the entire night together.” You said shyly.

“Doing what?” You had never seen Rebecca so shocked and interested in a story in a while.

“We ate in a chicken shop; we stayed there talking for a while and then we took a walk.”

“How long did you stay out for?”

You could feel both Keeley’s and Rebecca’s eyes on you, demanding an answer, wanting to know more, to know everything. “Well, we took the sunrise as our cue to go home.”

“Babes! You’re telling me that you stayed up all night talking with Jamie?” Keeley squealed, jumping on her knees. “Like, you found topics to talk about for, what, 7? 8 hours?”

“It wasn’t that difficult. I didn’t even have to force it.”

“What did you talk about?” Asked Rebecca. And all of a sudden, the almost 50-year-old and 30-year-old women in front of you turned back into their high school personas and you almost wanted to laugh at how adorably funny that scene was.

“Well, a bit of everything, you know. Our lives, where we grew up, our favourite things, favourite food, favourite movie, favourite city, the books that have impacted us the most, the cities that we dream of visiting one day. Normal stuff.”

Keeley looked at you, in complete shock. “You talked about books. With Jamie. How?”

“He said that he had noticed I like to read and asked me about my favourite book. I told him and then asked him the same thing. And he told me.” You replied, as if that was obvious. But it was only then that you remember that Keeley had been with Jamie in the past and, if she was that shocked, it must have meant that, when they were together, he didn’t read. Possibly at all.

“Babes, remember when I told you he had changed since I had broken up with him, right? Well, that’s an understatement. When we were together, it was fun, but we didn’t really talk about that kind of stuff. He was much more superficial. I don’t think he never really asked me what my favourite food was. And the fact that he was taking an interest in all of those things about you, well, it definitely means something. I wouldn’t take that for granted.” Hearing Keeley, someone you trusted with all of your heart, someone you loved and looked up to, someone that truly knew who you were talking about, saying all of those things, made you feel things. You didn’t know what those things meant, but they were things you hadn’t felt in a long time. And for the first time in days, you were finally accepting the idea of having feelings for Jamie Tartt.

After a few moments of silence, Rebecca asked you “Was that the only time you spent time together?”

“Well, no. I mean, we’ve been talking basically every single day. He sends me a good morning text almost every day, and we talk a lot at night. Sometimes he calls me.”

“Okay, okay. That’s good.” Rebecca said, almost as if she was an investigator gather all the evidence. “But you didn’t answer my question: did you go out another time?”

You immediately felt heat rising to your cheeks. “We didn’t really go out.” You looked at the two women in silence for a moment. “Last night he… ehm… he showed up to my place.”

“What?” They both almost screamed at the same time.

------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------

You had just finished putting on your pyjamas after a long warm shower. You still had to decide what you wanted to eat, something you always dreaded because, as much as you loved cooking, you hated preparing food for one. You started making your way down the stairs and to the kitchen when your doorbell rang. You weren’t really expecting anyone, so the sound left you confused. You looked through the peephole before even saying anything, so that if it was someone you didn’t know, you could jut pretend you weren’t at home. But, when you looked through it, you were surprised to see Jamie standing right outside of your door.

You immediately took a look at yourself in the mirror right beside the door, trying to make yourself look at least presentable, before finally opening the door. When Jamie’s entire figure came into view, you noticed the food boxes in his hands. “Jamie?”

“Hi, Y/N! Ehm, I’m sorry to barge in on you like this but… ehm… I thought we could spend some time together, you know?” Was Jamie blushing?

You stood there, a soft smile on your lips, looking at the man in front of you. “Sure.” You giggled, moving to open the door even more, as a way to let him in.

“I’m sorry, I should have texted or called. That was stupid. If you’re busy I can just-”

You cut him off. “Jamie. I’m not busy. You can come in. I just wasn’t expecting visitors, so the house is, well, it’s not tidy.” You take a step forward to take some of the boxes off of him. “What’s with all of this food? Did you rob a supermarket?” You laughed, nodding your head as a sign for him to follow you, before making your way to the kitchen.

“No!” He laughed, and suddenly you felt this weird sensation in your stomach. “I didn’t know what you were craving and so I got everything that you told me you liked.” He said, while putting the boxes on the counter. “I got us a pizza to share, because you said you’re not a huge fan, but that you like to eat it while watching movies. I also got us kebabs because they’re always good, and sushi because why not. Oh, and I also got us those spicy Korean rice thingies that you said you love so much. What’s their name? Tee- To-”

You laughed as he struggled to say the word. “Tteokbokki.”

“Yeah, those.” He smiled, putting his hands on his sides.

“Just a question.” You walked around the kitchen gathering cutlery and plates to eat. “How many people did you think were going to be here? There’s enough food to feed an army.”

He looked at you and then the food, before bursting out laughing. “I told you! I didn’t know what you were craving. And I wanted to do something nice for you, but I overdid it.”

You put the plates on the counter and turned to look at him. “It’s okay, I appreciate it anyways.” You smiled. “But why would you wanted to do this for me? It’s not my birthday or anything.”

“I just… I had a very good time with you the other night.” Was Jamie blushing? Again? “And I was really in the mood to watch a good movie. So, who better than you to watch it with.”

You smiled, trying to hide the blushing coming onto your cheeks as well by turning your attention to the food on the counter. “Did you have a movie in mind?” You asked, while putting the different foods on the plates.

“You said that you really like Dead Poets Society, right? And that you think everyone should watch it at least once in their lifetime, right? So, I thought, since I’ve never seen it, we could, I don’t know, watch it together. If you want to, obviously.” He waited for you to plate the food to pick a couple of plates up and follow you into the living room.

“That actually sounds like a perfect plan, Mr Tartt.” You smiled, while taking a seat on the couch, waiting for him to join you.

------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------

“Fucking hell, that’s adorable!” Keeley exclaimed. “He never did that for me! When he showed up uninvited, it was usually because he wanted to have sex.”

“Well, this is good!” Rebecca joined in. “He has changed. He listened to what you told him, he remembered your favourite food and your favourite movie. And before you say something like ‘but that’s not a big dead!’, yes it fucking is. It is a huge deal. Men aren’t always reliable. Rupert never was, at least. I vividly remember telling him my favourite drink at least a dozen times. And every single time he would get me something completely different. At the beginning I was too afraid to say anything, so I just drank it. But then I started to speak up. And still, he didn’t remember.”

“Yeah, okay, but him remembering that I like pizza only when watching movie doesn’t mean he feels anything for me.” You said, throwing your head back.

“I’m sorry, babes, didn’t you say that he told you that he wanted to spend time with you?” Keeley asked. “You said it yourself: he came to your place with all the food you had told him you liked and suggested to watch your favourite movie together because he had had a good time with you and wanted to do that again.”

“He decided to spend time with you rather than going out with other people or spend the night texting some random girl on dating apps.” Added Rebecca. “He chose to be with you.”

“I suppose you’re right.” You sighed. “I still don’t think he has feelings for me, though.”

“Whatever, babes.” Keeley took a sip out of her mug, before refocusing on you. “What happened next? Did you watch the movie?”

“Yes, we did.” You smiled at the memory. “He got emotional at the end. I’m not saying that he cried, but he definitely had glossy eyes by the time of the ‘O Captain, my Captain’ scene.”

“Which means he feels comfortable enough to show his emotions in front of you.” Rebecca noted. “And what happened next? Did he leave or did you spend another night talking?” She smirked, trying to make fun of you in a friendly way, almost mom-like.

“Well, he stayed a while longer.” You looked at the two women. “We talked a little about the movie, he told me what he thought of it, we discussed a little about why I thought it is a very important and still relevant movie, and he agreed with me. At first, I have to be honest, I thought he was just agreeing with me to not make me feel bad. But then he added to my argument and I stood corrected. He had truly understood the point of the movie and of my thoughts. For the first time in, gosh, I don’t even know how long, I felt seen, listened and understood by someone that wasn’t you two or Sam.”

Keeley brought a hand to her chest. “I have conflicted feelings because, by the way you’re talking, I want to tell you to just run out of here and into this man’s arms; but at the same time, every now and then, I remember you’re talking about Jamie, and it feels so weird because he’s so different from what I remember him to be like.” She explained. “Which is good, but kind of unsettling.”

Rebecca nodded along with what Keeley said, before eventually turning once again to face you. “What happened after you talked?”

“We decided to watch Modern Family, you know, to cheer ourselves up after the movie.”

“And?” Asked in unison the two women.

“And nothing.”

“I call bullshit.” Said Rebecca.

“Agreed.” Added Keeley. “What aren’t you telling us?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s not true!” They once again spoke in unison, which was starting to become quite weird.

“Nothing happened. We just… fell asleep.” You almost murmured those last words, almost too scared to say it out loud in front of them.

“I’m sorry, what?” Asked Rebecca, who had obviously heard and just wanted you to say it again out loud.

“We fell asleep!” You shouted. And you were so glad that Rebecca’s office was so high up and far from others. “As we were watching the show, he started leaning into me. At first, he laid his head on my shoulder, and then, somehow, we ended up with his head in my lap and my hands in his hair.” You could feel your cheeks burning up.

The two women shared a quick look, before turning back to you, huge smiles on their faces. “When did he fall asleep?” Asked Keeley.

“I don’t know.” You looked down at your own hands. “I fell asleep as well. I don’t know how or when, but when I woke up, it was like 3 in the morning, and we were lying on the couch. He had his head on my stomach and an arm draped over my waists.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.” You were fidgeting with your bracelet, too embarrassed to look up and meet your friends’ eyes. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want him to go away.” For some reason your eyes started filling up with tears.

“Hey, babes. It’s all right.”

“No, it’s not!” You almost shouted, tears finally falling down your face. “It’s not fucking okay. I hate feeling like this.”

“Love, hey, just… wait a second. Take a deep breath.” Rebecca moved closer and wrapped her arms around you. “Why do you hate it?”

“I don’t know. I’m feeling all these things for someone that doesn’t even like me back.”

“You don’t know that, Y/N.” Keeley moved closer as well, taking your hand in hers and leaning her head against yours. “I mean, you’re the coolest person I know, you’re fucking smart and interesting, and you’re fit as fuck. I think most of the team has at least a tiny crush on you.” She smiled, hoping to cheer you up. But that didn’t work.

“Listen, love.” Rebecca squeezed you, before pulling away slightly. “As that song says, the heart wants what it wants. I know feeling like this is terrible, but there’s only one thing that you can really do, and that’s talking to him.”

“But what if he says that he was just being a good friend? What if I misread every single thing he has done and said to me up until now?”

“And what if you haven’t?” Keeley asked. “Finding you at that club was completely random, pure luck. But he then chose to spend the entire night with you. Just like he chose to send you a good morning text every single day, and he chose to come and spend the evening with you. Also, I’m almost 100% sure that he woke up as well during the night, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to go, just like you didn’t want him to leave.” Keeley brushed a rogue strand of hair out of your face. “I know it’s hard, but you have to act.”

“But I’m scared.”

“Which means that you care.” Rebecca smiled. “You care about him and about your relationship.”

You looked at the two women in silence for a few moments. You wanted to cry, and you wanted to scream. You wanted to run out of there and straight to Jamie. You wanted to hug Keeley and Rebecca ad tell them how much you loved them. But all you could do in that moment was smile and be glad for the wonderful friends you had. “So, I should go and talk to him?”

“Yes.” Keeley smiled.

“And you should do it right now.” Said Rebecca, standing up from the couch. “The team is going back inside, which could be a good moment for you to swoop in and talk with Jamie.” She seamlessly slipped back in her high heels and fixed her blouse. “And if anyone has anything to say about it, they will have to come to me. I’m the owner of this club, after all.” She winked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The team had just made their way to the changing room, ready to hear Roy giving them “pointers”, or rather making sure they knew every little thing they had done wrong. But Jamie didn’t really care about that. Jamie knew that he had played like shit, but he couldn’t help it. His head was someplace else.

“Oi, Tartt!” Roy’s voice echoed in the room, and everyone’s head turned to look at the man sitting in front of his changing station. “What the fuck were you thinking, uh? You fucked all the assists. The team was constantly looking for you, and you were nowhere to be found!”

Jamie’s eyes remained low on the ground. “’m sorry, coach.” His voice was soft. “I’ll do better next time.”

His teammates couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Somehow, in the span of 24 hours, Jamie had lost all of his confidence. They looked at him and almost couldn’t recognise him. And the worst past was that no one really knew what to do with him, how to talk to him, how to cheer him up. Because that’s the thing with teams: you’re a family, you’re all extremely close, but you’re still a bunch of men that don’t know how to handle emotions and how to talk about their feelings. So, they just bottle everything up and hope that, sooner or later, it will just go away.

But right now, looking at Jamie, Sam felt compelled by something to just stand up and walk over to him, to say something. “Is everything all right?”

Sam’s voice startled Jamie, who was so deep in his thoughts he had almost forgotten he was at the clubhouse. “Uh?” Jamie looked up and was met by Sam’s concerned look. “No, yeah, everything is fine.”

“It don’t look like it, bruv.” Isaac joined in the conversation.

Sam took a seat next to Jamie. “You don’t have to talk to us about whatever is on your mind. We’re not going to force you. Just know that we’re here for you.”

“Sì, muchacho. We’re a familia.” Dani and Colin walked over as well, almost forming a barrier between him and the rest of the room, creating a safe space for him.

No one said anything for a few moments, most of them unsure of how to act, of what to say to him. They wanted to ask him, to help him, but they had no idea how. So, they all remained quiet, until Jamie broke the silence. “I feel so stupid.” Jamie’s voice was low. “I… I feel like a middle schooler.”

“What do you mean?” Colin asked.

Sam immediately turned to look at Jamie. “Did something happen with your dad?” And Jamie could feel the worry in Sam’s voice.

“No, no, I haven’t talked with me dad since Wembley.” He shook his head, rubbing his face. “No, I… You’re going to laugh…” He looked up, but all he saw was seriously interested faces, the faces of friends that were genuinely concerned for him. “I have a crush…” He almost whispered, but it was still loud enough for them to hear. They all shared a quick look amongst themselves, before turning to look again at the man sitting before them. “I feel so stupid because, usually, I have all this confidence with women, right? I’m so sure about me self that I don’t worry about the possibility of a rejection. It doesn’t affect me, usually…”

Sam nodded along with everything that Jamie said, as if he could relate to every little detail. “But with this woman in particular, you’re scared.”

Isaac asked the question that everyone wanted to ask. “Who is this woman?”

Jamie looked up from the ground, meeting everyone’s eyes. He could tell that his friends wanted to help him, but something was stopping him, almost too afraid to admit he had feelings for her, too scared that they would laugh in his face and say that she deserved better than him.

“Muchacho, you’re a beautiful man, and every woman would be lucky to be with you.” Dani always had this way of talking that could give confidence even to the shiest and most introverted person in the world.

“No, you don’t understand. This woman is different from the others.” He sighed. “She’s not a top model or an aspiring actress that wants to be with me because I’m famous. She’s… she’s different.” Jamie started fidgeting with the ends of his shoelaces. “And I’m different. I’m not the same person I was two years ago, I know that. And I think that’s why I’m so scared. Like, what if she doesn’t like me? What if she still thinks I’m a prick? Uh?”

“Listen, boyo. You said it yourself; you have changed. And if this woman doesn’t like your new you, then too bad for her.” Colin took a seat next to Jamie, opposite to Sam. “But if you truly like her, you should tell her. Don’t let your fear get in the way of your happiness, okay?”

“Yeah, like Selena Gomez said in her song, the heart wants what it wants.” Smiled Dani.

Jamie looked at those people around him, and for a moment he felt all the guilt for how he had treated them two years before rise to the top. Did they forget everything he had done to them? Did they forget how bad he had made them feel? He had treated them so poorly, and yet, now they were there, next to him, showing care and interest in how he was feeling. “Thank you, boys.” He smiled softly.

“You know we’re here.” Sam smiled, giving him a small push with the shoulder. “We’re family.”

“Yeah, bruv.” Isaac added. “But are you going to tell us who this woman is or not?”

However, their conversation was cut short by the door to the changing room opening, and Y/N walking in, looking around, clearly searching for someone. And that was when the boys realised Jamie didn’t need to tell them anything, because as soon as he saw her, he stood up. He fixed his hair and immediately took a step forward. None of them said anything. They just remained quiet and watched the scene unfold in front of their eyes.

“Jamie.” You smile once you finally met his eyes.

“Y/N” He replied, softly, taking another step towards her.

“Do you… do you think we could talk for a moment? Alone?” She said quietly, but the silence in the room made it extremely complicated for her not to be heard by everyone.

Jamie nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

You smiled, turning around to exit the changing room. Jamie took a deep breath, turning quickly to look at the four guys standing a few steps away from him. He nodded to them, and they nodded to him in return, as a way to say ‘you got this’ or ‘go get her’. So, he took one more deep breath, and followed her outside.

Once he stepped into the corridor, he noticed Keeley and Rebecca standing in the middle of it, looking at the two of them. Keeley smiled, which gave Jamie a boost of confidence, Whereas Rebecca was looking at him in such an intimidating way that immediately sent shivers running down his spine. He knew they were there for you, and he knew how much they cared for you, so it wasn’t difficult for him to understand what Rebecca’s gaze meant: ‘break her heart and I’ll break you’.

He greeted the two women with a quick nod, before realising you were still walking down the corridor. “Wait up, Y/N!” He said, jogging after you. “Where are we going?”

“Boot room. It’s the quietest place in here.” You looked at him, noticing his expression, as if he wanted to say something. “I already asked Will to leave us alone in there.” You replied, quickly grabbing him by his hand and pulling him through the doorway.

“You always think about everything.” He chuckled, getting into the room. He never really understood when or how that room had become like a sort of therapy room for the team, where most of them went when they needed to get something off of their chest or just be alone, but couldn’t leave the clubhouse. That place stank like hell. But he was glad nonetheless for the privacy. “You had your supporters with you as well, uh?” He smiled.

“Yeah.” You laughed under your breath. “They are actually the ones that forced me to come and talk to you.”

“Should I be scared, then?”

“No! No.” You shake your head. “I don’t think so.” You started pacing around the room, trying to give order to all the things you had in your head at the moment.

“Is everything alright?” Jamie looked at you, slightly worried.

You looked at him, taking a deep breath. “Yes.” You nodded. “Just give me a moment because I haven’t really thought about what I want to say to you. Or rather, how I want to say it to you.”

Jamie nodded, taking a step towards you and catching your hand before you stepped away again. “Do you mind if I go first, then?”

You looked at him, surprise painted all over your face. You didn’t know what to say, so you simply nodded, waiting for him to talk.

“Okay, so, first of all, I wanted to tell you that last night was… well, I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I really wish we could do it more often.” He smiled, squeezing your hand as a way to catch your attention. “And then to the difficult part... Okay. The boys told me to just be me self. But it’s difficult, you know? Because, like, I am always me self, but when I’m with you, I’m different from how I am with the others. Not in the sense that I’m not truly me self, but in the sense that, when I’m with you, I’m me self even more than usual.” He stopped, looking down. “Sorry, I didn’t really have anything prepared either.” He chuckles.

You couldn’t help but smile. “Go on, you’re doing great.” You said, trying to look at him in the eyes.

“What I’m trying to say is that when I’m with you, I feel like I’m truly me self. Like I’m the most authentic version of me. And I like it. I want to be like that always. But I feel like I can only be like that when I’m with you.” He looks at you. “I lied before. I don’t want to be with you more often.” You stopped and looked at him completely confused. “I want to be with you as much as I can. I want to be with you every fucking day.” You giggled, feeling the blood rushing up your neck and to your cheeks. “I want to make lunch for you. Well, no, okay. I want to learn how to make lunch for you. I want to take you out to dinner. And I also want to order in and watch a movie on a couch like we did last night. I want you to play with me hair because, fuck, that’s the most relaxing shit ever.” You bit your bottom lip, trying to contain all the happiness that you were feeling in that moment. “I want to go out with our friends and be able to show you off. I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street.”

“Jamie…”

“Wait a second.” He interrupted you, pulling you even closer. “I want you to wear my jersey at matches. And to cheer for me. And I want to kiss you whenever we win a match. In front of everyone. I want to go out and celebrate with the team, and while we’re there, I want to hold you close while we talk with them, and then be able to just walk home together and celebrate just the two of us. And I don’t mean have sex. I mean, that would be fun, but I meant like having a party just the two of us. Drinking, and dancing and laughing. Or we don’t have to go home, and we can just walk around town all night, like we did that time.” He became all serious all of a sudden. “I want to be able to protect you from creepy old men. Actually, no. That wouldn’t be necessary because you would never need to go out by yourself ever again.”

“Jamie, I…”

“Wait, I’m not done.” He interrupted you once more. “I want to be able to sleep over at your place and you over at mine. I want us to buy toothbrushes to leave at the other’s house. I want to wake up next to you like we did today, but I want that every single day. I want to have me clothes at your place and your clothes at mine. I want to drive Roy mad by telling him last minute that I’m sleeping over at your place, so he has to come all the way there. And after I’m done training with him, I want to stop at a cafe as I get back home and I want to buy your favourite latte, so that you can wake up to the smell of warm coffee every day.”

“Jamie!” You shouted, trying to stop him from talking.

“What?”

“Just-” Your hands found their way to the back of his head, as your eyes remained fixed on his. “Just kiss me, will you?” You laughed, before pulling him down towards you.

When your lips finally crashed against one another, you could feel the tension you had been holding in your stomach finally releasing. You pushed yourself on your tiptoes, as Jamie’s hands slowly and softly found their resting place on the small of your back, helping you up, and pulling you closer to his chest. Your hands played with his hair, and in that moment, you were sure he could feel your heart beating like crazy in your chest.

“So…” He whisper while pulling slightly away, only to press his forehead against yours. “Did you want to say something?”

You kept your eyes closed, too afraid to open them and realise that it was only just a dream. “I think you said everything.” You chuckled, trying to get some air back in your lungs.

“Well, if you wanted to say something…”

“Jamie.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

A/N: sorry, this was so long! so, if you read it all the way through, then thank you! please, feel free to leave me any kind of feedback and don't forget to send me suggestions or requests if you have them! thank you again! ily <3

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fic #jamie tartt #ted lasso

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kittyjuno · 1 month

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here is said rant post.. HEAR ME OUT

no im being fr cause like okay this isnt a “omg i love them so much theyre so hot” hear me out post, this is a “holy shit i have stuff to say” hear me out post

can we take a moment to analyze and discuss @lovelyshiz ‘s cccc designs!!!!!!!!! ermrm biiiig autistic ted talk coming biiiiigg autistic topic-to-topic discussion ted talk coming are you guys ready

you guys arent ready

LOOK. look at soul guyss LOOK okay ready for biiiig talk

soul has aspects of heart and mind in his design guys. GUYS okay so on his name tag, the ??? is purple, blue, and orange yayayeyaurje wowowowoelwkeke geah eyah and also in his silly sparkles on his darker half, they r purple and blue!!!!!!!!!!!! uwoaiwowe lovelyshiz if you dont have lore for your designs, NOW YOU DO because I THINK!! the reason for this is becausueu he was in control of whole most of the album and when he let them all work in unison together woelooei aspects and influences from heart and mind affected him and SO!!! thats why there’s parts of their colors implemented BIG DISCOVERY GUYS no its not actually thats probably not why it was probably for funsies but umm.. shiz your designs have lore now i guess

okay HEAR ME OUT on why heart is in a hoodie and sweatpants…… HES EMO!!/j umm j think its because he is verrrry emotion and so he finds the comfort of biiiigg clothes very soothingnand so when he gets sad its NOT for long because biigg clothes biiiiiggg happy yahshaheh!!!!! also his shoelaces r untied cause he doesnt feel like tying them probably he just flies around everywhere probably

WHOLE ALSO HAS HMS STRINGS HOLDING HIS PANT HOLE TOGETHER HOLY SHIT that was most likely intentional but I THINK it’s because they r APART OF HIM!!!! whole is a did system real guys….

um.. nothing about mind HES NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH/J

well actually yes there is something about mind

his halo

hes referred to as the SKY in a few songs or was that heart idk but he ALSO HAS A CLOUD ON HIS HALO AND HE SINGS STORM AND A SPRING YEHAJEN idk im not really onto anything i just RREEEALLY like the designs they’re so 😍😍😍😍

#chonny jash #cccc #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cccc mind #silly #heart chonny jash #cccc heart #cccc whole #cccc soul #cj soul #cj heart #cj mind #cj whole

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paigegonerogue · 4 months

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With Kaitlyn Dever cast as Abby, I’m really hating how many ‘she should’ve been cast as Ellie’ or ‘they should cast her as older Ellie after the timeskip’ comments I’m seeing, especially because a lot of them are more focused on how the character looks. I’m sure she’ll do awesome as Abby, and I’m sure she’d have been good as Ellie, but c’mon! Bella Ramsey gave such a wonderful, heartfelt, haunting performance as Ellie that I genuinely believe is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. They’ve proven that they can pull off the violence, the sadness, the humor that’s integral to Ellie’s character ten times over. Not to mention how much they’ve bonded with Pedro! Are you seriously saying that you want to replace an amazing actor with amazing chemistry with all of their costars who’s not even just nailed, but somehow even added to, the source material? Just because they don’t look like how the character does in an entirely different medium?! I’m (not) sorry, but if the thing you care about most in tlou is if you find Ellie (one of the only non-sexualized female video game characters, especially in narrative driven games like that) hot, then maybe you should seriously consider your thought process for that.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. We love Bella on this blog. We also love basic respect and human decency, so don’t criticize people’s appearances and say a bunch of rude, generally just pretty shitty things about people.

#tlou hbo #tlou #the last of us #the last of us hbo #ellie williams #joel miller #abby anderson #bella ramsey #pedro pascal #kaitlyn dever #I’m not implying that everyone who says they wanted to recast Bella is into game Ellie #but I think the point still stands #It’s really not that important if Bella looks just like game Ellie #since the character is so much more than that #And wanting to recast someone just because they look different than they do in a video game regardless of performance isn’t my fave tbh

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chainofclovers · 1 year

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on enjoying stuff

It is okay to dislike something in fiction because you wholeheartedly disagree with the contents/writing/portrayal/etc.

It is okay to like something in fiction because you wholeheartedly appreciate the contents/writing/portrayal/etc.

I don’t think any of the above is particularly groundbreaking. But I do feel like there’s this trend where people feel guilty and wrong and bad for liking things they think they shouldn’t. I have seen this happen a lot in the Ted Lasso fandom but also just, like, in general via being a member of society in which people are understandably concerned with power, harm, pain, etc. And so I, an occasionally well-adjusted human in my mid-late thirties, am here to give you the permission (that you don’t actually require) to enjoy the fiction you enjoy.

It’s okay to like something because you think it’s really hot! It’s okay to like something even if it isn’t what you would want for yourself! It’s okay to like something because it takes you to a dark place that you desperately need a way to safely explore! It’s okay to like something because it is interesting to watch someone do something bad! It’s okay to like something because it makes you cry or feel weird or experience concern for fictional characters! It’s okay to like something that explores uncomfortable power dynamics! It’s okay to like something that doesn’t seem like how it would go in real life! It’s okay to like something that exactly resembles a thing that happened to you! It’s okay to like something that would never in a million years happen to you or anyone you know! It’s okay to like something that lacks a moral lesson! It’s okay to like something that preaches a moral lesson that is not part of your own moral framework! It’s okay to like something painful that is portrayed with great aesthetic beauty! It’s okay to like something adorable that is portrayed with shoddy production values! It’s okay to like cheap things! It’s okay to fuck with high-brow and low-brow! It’s okay to like something even if your friend or your mom or your partner hates it! It’s okay to realize you like something you used to hate! It’s okay to like something today with the awareness that you might outgrow it tomorrow! It’s okay to like the things you like!

Fiction is magic! 💖

#fandom things #ted lasso #about me #fiction #no one should feel pressure to like something they deeply hate #but it makes me sad when people express a desire to enjoy something they really like but just can’t get there because they feel guilty #hot dork club

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sergeifyodorov · 2 months

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hockey players im sad tumblr wasn't around to experience

gordie + ted lindsay (in the immortal words of c whitenikes... the patron saints of detroit homosexuals)

jaromir jagr (technically we are all still experiencing him. right now. the man will die before he retires)

brendan shanahan (hot)

steve yzerman (hot)

eric lindros (bitchy AND hot)

IGOR LARIONOV

kariya + selanne would have made us all absolutely insane let's be real

[glances at username]

pavel bure (hot)

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willalove75 · 9 months

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Rebecca x Reader - jealous sex

Hehehe yesss! Thank you for the request!💕💕

Warnings: Smut babyyyyy, also a little angst, a dash of fluff, denial, a pinch of praise kink, dom!Rebecca, idk what else

18+ Only Minors DNI

Gif source

Rebecca had been working overtime for the last two weeks and has barely been home, no less had time for you. It's not that you were incredibly clingy, but every time she came home you got a quick kiss, the two of you would eat dinner in near silence since she was exhausted and after a shower, Rebecca went to bed.

In all fairness, you expected this season to be more chaotic than the last. With Ted back in the US, Roy took over managing the team, Keeley had an idea for a women's league and there were hundreds of other things going on all at once. Rebecca was exhausted, and you understood that and tried to give her as much grace as possible, but when the second week rolled around, so did her attitude. Yes, she was burnt out and exhausted, her patience at work has worn down to almost nothing, but when she got home, you got the brunt of her frustrations.

Rebecca was apologetic when she caught herself or when you brought it up to her, and maybe it would have sat with you a little better but you've barely spoken, she's been a bitch and the two of you haven't sad sex in over two weeks. You tried to initiate a few times but she was either too tired or gave you an attitude so you stopped trying all together.

Finally, it was Friday, and with no plans or matches on Saturday or Sunday, you were finally hoping to spend some time with your love. Hoping that she can relax enough so she wasn't so overwhelmed. As much as you hated how she acted towards you, you also hated that she was always putting so much pressure on herself.

"So babe, what did you want to do tomorrow since you finally have some free time?" You ask over dinner.

Rebecca gives you a look and your heart sinks.

"What are you talking about? We have the benefit tomorrow night." She says with a hint of frustration in her voice.

"What benefit?"

"West Ham is holding a benefit and all of the local clubs are invited to go. I told you about this last week."

"You definitely did not." There's an edge to your voice you weren't expecting but in all fairness, you're pretty annoyed.

"Yes, I did."

"Rebecca you didn't-"

"It's not my fault you don't pay attention." She snaps.

"Alright, I'm over this." You say as you get up from the table. "I know you're overwhelmed and stressed but it doesn't mean you get to talk to me like shit. You did not tell me about it, you've barely spoken to me in two weeks."

"So you're not coming?" She asks, visibly annoyed, as you put your plate in the dishwasher.

Rolling your eyes you look over at her. "As much as I don't want to go, yes, I will be there."

Neither you or Rebecca speak to each other for the rest of the night or the following day. The tension in the air is so thick you can cut through it with a knife. You're absolutely dreading this event but it'll look bad if you're not there and you'd rather not get bombarded with questions about your absence.

Silently, the two of you get ready for the evening and head out. Rebecca looks stunning, as always. You'd be drooling over her if you weren't so annoyed with her, truthfully. And because you're spiteful, you make sure you look as hot as possible. Wearing the dress that Rebecca has told you more than once she loves on you. That she usually has a hard time keeping her hands off of you when you wear it. You picked out a pair of tall stilettos that perfectly accentuate your legs, your makeup is flawless, making your eyes pop, and your hair is styled in a way that shows off your collarbones.

As soon as the two of you reach the benefit you beeline it to the bar and Rebecca stops to talk to some people. Right off of the bat you take a shot to curb your frustrations from the last two weeks and order your favorite drink. The bartender makes your drink and passes it to you and you tip him a £20.

Spotting Rebecca, she makes eye contact with you and notices the drink in your hand, she scowls for a moment before turning back towards her conversation. If you were any closer, you probably would have exploded on her.

Normally, you wouldn't go out of your way to piss Rebecca off, especially not at an event like this. But right now, you don't care. You're mad and hurt and with the small amount of liquid courage running through your veins, you're feeling daring and decide "fuck it." You want to make her feel the same way she's made you feel for the last two weeks, regardless of how immature that may be.

As you walk around the benefit you talk and mingle with a few people and you make sure you're in Rebecca's eyeline. After talking to a few players you finish your first drink and move on to your second one.

The night goes on, you and Rebecca barely speak to each other and before you know it, the benefit is almost halfway over. You were hoping deep down that being out would have relaxed Rebecca, but it hasn't and you're over it. Deciding to grab another drink, Rebecca watches you as you get up from the table and walk away.

While you're at the bar, a gorgeous woman walks up next to you and orders. The two of you greet each other and you can feel Rebecca's eyes boring into you from afar. Catching a glimpse of her out of the corner of your eye, she's staring directly at you and this woman. Bingo.

"I'm y/n, what's your name?" You ask the woman.

"I'm Samantha, but most people call me Sammy."

"It's wonderful to meet you Sammy. So what brings you here tonight?"

"I'm actually new to the West Ham women's team, this is my first season with them."

"Oh! That's exciting, how are you liking it?"

"It's amazing, I was nervous at first when I heard about the owner but luckily he's no longer in the picture anymore so I'm enjoying it more than I expected to."

You know she's talking about Rupert. After assaulting the coach and being booed off the pitch last season he sold the club. A new, much nicer, owner took over.

"Oh yeah, you definitely dodged a hand grenade there." You say with a laugh.

"What brings you here?"

"Oh, I work for AFC Richmond."

"Ah, so you know Rupert?"

"Luckily I joined after his reign ended, but I have had the displeasure of meeting him on a few occasions."

"I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet."

"Consider yourself lucky."

Glancing over, Rebecca is still staring at you. The scowl on her face would be terrifying if you weren't so annoyed at her. Because you're a little shit, you decide to take it up a notch.

"Was he that bad?" She asks.

"Oh he was the worst, I only met him a few times and each time he hit on me and tried to make a move, it was gross."

"Ew!"

"Yeah! He's such a creepy old man! It's amazing he can still get it up honestly."

The two of you burst into laughter and your hand grazes her arm for a moment. In less than thirty seconds you hear heels aggressively clacking on the floor, you see Rebecca out of the corner of your eye and she's pissed.

"I'm so sorry, can you excuse us for a moment?" She politely says to Sammy, who is confused but nods and walks away. Rebecca grabs your arm and drags you to a secluded spot. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh, hello, it's nice for you to finally acknowledge my existence."

"Y/n I am not in the mood."

"Neither am I." You say and you begin to walk away. Rebecca grabs your arm again and spins you towards her.

"Really? Of all nights, this is the night you decide to test my patience?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Do not play dumb with me. I saw you with that woman, flirting with her. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" She says, her bright green eyes burning with anger.

"Who said I didn't want you to notice?" You deadpan.

Rebecca grabs your drink out of your hand and puts both yours and hers down on a nearby table and grabs your wrist.

"That's it, we're leaving."

Before you can respond she pulls you out of the reception and through the doors to the entrance of the building. Her car pulls around a minute later and the two of you get in. The anger is radiating off of her, you don't think you've ever seen her so mad before, honestly. It would worry you if you weren't so mad yourself.

When the two of you finally make it home, Rebecca slams the front door shut and crosses her arms, her eyes narrowing at you.

Neither of you say a word since neither of you want to be the one who breaks the tense silence. Rolling your eyes, you turn around and walk into the kitchen.

"Don't you dare walk away from me." She says as she follows you.

"Or what? You'll pretend I don't exist for another two weeks?"

"How dare you, how dare you flirt with that woman, right in front of everyone. Do you know how badly that can reflect on me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," You say, your voice dripping in sarcasm. "how silly of me to forget that absolutely everything revolves around your image."

"What is the matter with you?!"

"Me?! You're the one who's barely spoken to me in two weeks, you're the one who hasn't touched me, the one who's been snapping at me for no reason when I try to talk to you. I should be the one asking what's the matter with you?!"

"And you think that makes what you did tonight okay?"

"How the fuck else was I supposed to get your attention Rebecca?! I've been trying for two fucking weeks! All you've been doing was snapping at me and ignoring me. So yes, I flirted with another woman, does that make me an asshole? Yeah, probably, but I've tried literally everything else besides screaming at you, because you and I both know nothing was going to come from that." Rebecca stands there for a minute almost shaking with anger.

"So what? You wanted to make me jealous?"

"Yup, and obviously, it worked pretty damn well."

"What? I'm not- no-"

"Rebecca Welton, you are many things and being jealous is certainly one of them. Who knows how far I would have taken it." You push. "I could have complimented her beautiful eyes, or brushed a strand of her hair away from her face. I was thinking of whispering something in her ear, something that would make her laugh. Resting my hand on her back-"

"ENOUGH." Rebecca yells. She storms up to you and grabs the back of your head, hard. Pulling your face just inches away from hers. "You've made your point. Now it's my turn to make mine."

Before you're able to do anything else Rebecca spins you around and bends you over the countertop. A hand comes down hard across your clothed ass and a small yelp emerges from you.

"You want to tease me?" Rebecca says through gritted teeth as she brings her hand down again onto your ass. "You want to make me jealous?" Another smack. "You want to flirt with other women?" This time Rebecca pulls up your dress, revealing your soft skin that's starting to turn red from the smacks. "Just to get my attention?" She smacks your bare ass and you yelp again. "Well my darling, you have it. You have all of my attention now." She smacks your ass once more before palming it and squeezing it, massaging the reddened area.

A low moan escapes from your lips. The cool granite countertop feels soothing against your heated skin as Rebecca continues to hold you against it.

Her fingers dip between your legs and she runs them over your underwear. It's almost embarrassing how wet you are already, you can hear Rebecca smirk when she feels the wetness through your thong.

She drags her fingers languidly up and down, just applying enough pressure to certain spots to make you twitch. It takes everything in you to hold back your moans when she circles your clit, you don't want to give her the satisfaction, at least not this quickly. But she knows that she can turn you into putty in her hands in just a few stokes of her fingers and tonight she's testing your strength.

After a few more firm circles she pulls her hand away and you have to muffle a whine of disappointment. Her hand comes down hard on your ass again and you let out another yelp.

Rebecca grabs the fabric of your thong on each side of your hips and slowly pulls it down. When they reach your ankles she smacks your ass again and uses her foot to kick your legs open wider.

"This was not was I was expecting." You think to yourself. Although you're not upset about it, it's actually really fucking hot seeing Rebecca in this state.

"You want to make me jealous?" She asks, grabbing the hair on the back of your head. "Answer. Me." She growls.

"Yes."

"All because I didn't give you enough attention?"

She tugs at your hair when you take too long to answer.

"Yes."

Rebecca's fingers find your dripping slit and she rubs you up and down, stopping every so often to circle your hardened clit. A moan threatens to escape and you swallow it.

"Let me hear you." She demands.

She circles your clit faster and a moan slips past your lips.

"Good girl." She says, picking up the pace, drawing more moans out of you. "I know you wanted to make me jealous, but for a second did you ever think that little girl could pleasure you the way I do?" Her middle finger prods at your entrance before sliding into you.

"Oh fuck." You moan as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

"That she knows your body as well as I do?" She curls her finger just right and your knees almost give out. "That she could make you cum the way I can?" Her finger curls more while she slides it in and out of you. "Hmm? Is that what you thought?"

"No!" You cry out.

Rebecca slides a second finger into you and the moan that leaves your lips is just sinful.

"No one can make you feel as good as I do baby, isn't that right?"

"Yes-" The word blends into another filthy moan as she curls her fingers in a "come hither" motion inside of you.

With her grip still tightly grasping the back of your hair, Rebecca pulls on it as she fucks you faster. She pushes and pulls her fingers in and out, fast and hard, curling them when she's deep inside of you. Moans spill from your lips like a prayer and your legs begin to shake. She's building your climax fast and hard and if she keeps it up, you won't last much longer.

Your walls start fluttering around her fingers and she knows your close.

"Please!" You beg.

Rebecca brings you closer and closer to the release you've been craving for two weeks. Just as she's about to send you over she pulls her fingers out and you cry out from the loss. She smacks your ass hard again as you feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Grabbing your hands, Rebecca folds them behind your back, your face now flush with the cool granite countertop.

"Do not move." She commands.

All you can do is nod your head and you hear the sound of her heels retreating out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Your legs quiver and you clench around nothing, your body still reeling from the denial.

After a few minutes you hear Rebecca walk back into the kitchen, sans heels. She walks up behind you and you can hear her shuffle around and a low moan escapes from her. The sound of a cap opening and closing clicks and Rebecca places a bottle of lube on the countertop in front of you.

Your body shivers with excitement when you feel something cold and hard slide against you. After a few strokes, Rebecca slides the strap on deep inside of you and a guttural moan passes through your lips.

Slowly, Rebecca slides it in and out of you. Both of your moans melt together in harmony as she keeps a steady pace.

Rebecca starts quicken her thrusts and she grabs your hip with one hand, her nails digging into your skin, and grabs your arms still folded behind your back with the other. With each practiced thrust, she pulls you back into her, sending the strap deeper and harder into both of you.

"Oh fuck Rebecca!" You cry out.

"Good girl, I know how much you love it when I fuck you. Better than anyone else, right?"

"Yes, fuck! Yes!"

The dildo is hitting all of the right spots deep inside of you, once again you can feel your orgasm building. With the other end of the strap on nestled deep inside of her, both you and Rebecca moan with each of her thrusts. She picks up her pace and releases your arms, you immediately grab onto the edge of the countertop, her hand grabbing your other hip.

Rebecca pulls you into her harder and harder with every thrust and you can feel your walls clenching down around the toy. Cries ring throughout the house, neither of you can decipher whose cries are whose as you both rush to the edge.

You can feel Rebecca getting closer when her thrusts become less calculated and more desperate. She drives you closer and closer to your release and you cry out her name like a prayer.

"Fuck Rebecca you're gonna make me cum!"

"Yeah?"

"Yes!"

Rebecca's cries get louder and you know she's close too. You push back into each thrust and you feel yourself tipping over the edge.

"Fuck baby I'm gonna cum, fuck me please make me cum!"

"Good girl baby, fuck I'm so close." She pants.

"Cum with me baby, please, oh fuck please!"

Rebecca's thrusts become erratic, hurling the both of you over the edge into a canyon of pleasure and ecstasy. She keeps her pace, fucking you hard, dragging out both of your orgasms for as long as possible before slowly bringing the both of you down.

With one final thrust, Rebecca practically collapses on top of you, both ends of the toy still buried deep inside the both of you. You can feel your dress sticking to your back as you lay across the countertop trying to catch your breath.

After a moment of silence you feel warm kisses across your shoulders, languid hands slide up your waist and grab hold of the zipper on your dress. Every inch of skin revealed as she pulls the zipper down is met with soft, loving kisses. When the back of your dress is completely open, Rebecca slowly slides the strap on out of you and then slowly takes it out of her. Her fingers slide under the straps of your dress and she slowly pulls them down. Pushing yourself up off of the counter, Rebecca pulls your dress all the way down until it pools at your feet.

Her hands find your hips once more and her lips lock onto your neck. She gently nips and sucks on your pulse point before her hands slide up and gently cup your breasts. While Rebecca massages your breasts and riddles your neck with love bites, you lean your head back onto her shoulder and take a deep breath, relaxing into her as you exhale. Rebecca's hands slide down to your hips once more and she turns you to face her.

Looking deeply into her green eyes you see love. You also see something else, guilt? Her eyes become glassy and you gently cup her face.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." She says softly.

You wipe away a tear that escaped with your thumb and you caress her cheek.

"I'm so sorry for how I've treated you the last few weeks. Even though I was overwhelmed, even though I was stressed, there is no excuse for how I treated you my love."

"It's okay baby, I forgive you. I'm sorry for being so immature and making you jealous tonight. I should have handled it better."

"No, don't apologize. I deserved it. You're right, I don't know what else you could have done to have gotten my attention. And that is so unfair to you, I promise from now on when I get overwhelmed, I'll listen to you more. Because you deserved so much better than how I've been treating you lately."

You wipe away another tear that fell from her gorgeous eyes and you pull her in for a kiss. Her lips feel like home, they're soft and warm and when you're kissing her, the entire world disappears.

When the kiss finally ends, Rebecca wraps her arms around you and pulls you tightly into her. Only then did you realize that she was also naked. Her skin against yours has never felt so right, like your bodies were made to fit together perfectly. Rebecca pulls away and takes your hand, leading you up the stairs.

In the bedroom, she lays down in bed and pulls you down next to her. Her arms wrap around you and you lay your head on her chest. Lithe fingers trace abstract patterns across your skin while your legs tangle together under the sheets. Rebecca kisses the top of your head and rests her cheek against it, an audible sigh escaping from her lips.

"Thank you." She quietly says.

Adjusting yourself to look up at her, you furrow your brows.

"For what?"

She looks down at you with a smile on her face and kisses your forehead.

"For putting up with me when I'm a raging bitch. For forgiving me, even when I don't think I deserve your forgiveness. For having the biggest heart I've ever seen in a person. For loving me, for everything."

Leaning up you place a soft kiss on her lips and nuzzle into her neck.

"I'll always love you, Rebecca."

"I'll always love you too, my love."

#willalove75 #hannah waddingham #rebecca welton #rebecca welton x reader #wlw fanfic #ted lasso #rebecca welton fanfic #ted lasso fic

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