#(somehow still more accurate than the other boleyn girl)

[rosepompadour]

anne boleyn and thomas wyatt, tarnish by katherine longshore He kisses me with the deep desperation of a drowning man. This kiss is a song of longing. "I love you," I whisper when he kisses my throat. I cannot say it loud enough for him to hear.

+

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

I get so embarrassed when I see history fans talking about different Boleyns. Like, talking about her characterization on The Tudor, on The Six Wives of Henry, on Henry and His Six Wives etc. And then they get into Six and are like "... this Boleyn is a little bit different than the others, she isn't so strategic... actually she's not very smart". Like, we the fandom can say "If you pay attention and look at the script and watch the full bootleg, she's actually quite smart". But we can't ignore the fact that people that are not Six fans, and just Tudor times fans in general won't do all of those things. Boleyn is the most famous wife, so DLYH will be the song people will know the musical for, and we can't expect them to think "No, she's actually lying and dumbing herself down to win the audience's sympathy"

Firstly I’m not blaming anyone for their initial reaction to or their opinions or Don’t Lose Ur Head. If someone dislikes Boleyn’s portrayal in Six the musical then that’s completely fine, I’m not going to say that their opinion isn’t valid. My posts about Boleyn in Six aren’t for people who don’t like the musical, they’re for people who are already in the fandom. I wouldn’t expect non-fans to analyse the script of Six or the album because its not something their interested in. Six, like every other piece of media that has ever existed, is entirely subjective and I can totally understand why people would dislike Six and the characterisations of the queens. All I ask in return is that non fans respect that many people do like Six and enjoy the show as a whole and listen to us when we point out that maybe it isn’t as clear cut or things aren’t as immediately obvious as they first thought.

Here’s the thing about The Tudors though: yes, they had a fantastic version of Anne Boleyn and I adore Natalie Dormer in that role...but then I personally feel that same show completely butchered Katherine Howard. On the other hand, a lot of people agree that Six’s strongest asset is All You Wanna Do and it’s portrayal of Katherine as a victim rather than a villain. I will admit that I really disliked the portrayal of Howard in the Tudors when I first came across clips on YouTube. However, until I had seen the entire show, I refrained from forming a full opinion on her character and on series four of the Tudors as a whole because I knew it was unfair to judge an entire series by only a few clips. I still personally believe that they did Howard a massive disservice, but there are one or two good elements here and there that I wouldn’t have discovered unless I watched the whole show. I waited until I had access to all the content available and then formed my overall opinion, and when if someone tells me that they actually really like series 4 of the Tudors then I’m not going to try and take that away from them! In fact, I’m actively glad that they’re enjoying and having a good time with something I personally didn’t get a lot out of.

(Also isn’t Anne of a thousand days supposed to be inaccurate in places as well? Or am I thinking of a different play?)

Plus I think people need to look at how Six is presented. The Tudors is a serious, historical drama and as such you would want the characters in the show to reflect that tone and the premise. Six is a 75 minute musical, nearly always listed as a comedy, where the entire premise revolves around the fact that the six wives have somehow been brought back from the dead after 500 years and their first instinct was to form a girl band. Like...the idea of six alone is absolutely insane! The tone and therefore the characterisations are obviously going to be very different to what would be present in something that is more serious. It’s kind of like trying to compare an incredibly serious documentary to a horrible histories episode. Both are very different but that doesn’t mean one is bad and one is good. (Sidenote I adore horrible histories and it was what made me want to learn about and study history in the first place. I’m not knocking it or anything, I’m just using it as a comparison.)

Now I’m not saying that Toby and Lucy have a get out of jail free card when it comes to historical accuracy, in fact I’ve often talked about the things they could have done better or added in, but from the presentation of Six alone you should be able to tell that Six isn’t going to be like the Tudors or Anne of a thousand days or anything like that. It isn’t being presented in the same way. I knew from the moment I watched the Olivier’s performance with all the sparkly outfits and modern slang that I should take everything with a grain of salt and just enjoy Six for what it is: a fun and catchy musical with lots of female empowerment.

As a sidenote, I’ve always personally believed that historical accuracy and good are not synonyms. Something can be super historically accurate but then fall flat on its face from a dramatic perspective. But that’s not what happened with Six. Six isn’t historically accurate 100 percent of the time. It doesn’t hide this fact either, explicitly saying in the show “it’s not what went down in history” and the two writers admitting that they have regrets with some of the queens. But that doesn’t mean six isn’t good a show, because from a purely dramatic perspective...six does work. You can’t deny that Six is a good musical. It wouldn’t have 7 ongoing productions with two more in the works if it wasn’t working as a musical. It wouldn’t be nominated for and then win awards if it wasn’t working as a musical. It wouldn’t be worth millions of pounds if it wasn’t working as a musical. Again, not everyone has to like six the musical and I respect those who don’t but it’s success implies that it’s working on some basic level.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that I understand why people might write off Anne Boleyn from Six very quickly. I think it’s slightly unfair to write her off (especially if you’ve only listened to DLUH and not seen the whole show), but I do understand it and respect people’s personal opinions. All I ask is that they respect mine and the fact that I do like six and I do like the characterisation of Boleyn. I don’t think anyone should be embarrassed for saying they like something just because others dislike it.

(Also if any historical blogs want to vague post about this post...refer back to the sentences were I talked about respecting personal opinions. I’m not saying people should watch six to revise for their exams or anything, I’m just saying that people can still enjoy things that aren’t historically accurate and they shouldn’t feel bad about it)

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 1: CamelNOT

[Lively Music Plays]

I shit you not... that’s what it said in the CCs.

Tower of London (?)

*Catherine looks at the array of crowns like a museum curator and the proceeds to strut down the halls*

Wolsey: *gives her this strange look which is a mixture between damn girl and the eagle is my spirit animal.

Then Catherine gets fake detained and taken to Henry in what must be a strange variation of the whole Robin Hood/Maid Marian roleplay they historically engaged in.

... did she just call his erhm manhood his kingship? Well that’s original, I’ll give them that. Also funny how Bessie Blount initially looks on in fright... don’t worry girl that will be you soon.

———————————————————————

*the four ladies have a brunch friendship moment together*

I see Blount is among them... I see they are setting her up as Catherine’s friend in order to play up the whole betrayal.

Alright. Jokes aside, I realised how much I’ve played myself. I was inspired by @melusineloriginale ‘s sporks (which if all this TSP episode posts got you in the mood for PG show mockery I urge you to check out here - you’ll thank me later). In truth, Henry VIII’s early reign is a bit too late from my main area of focus for me to make intelligent jokes.

I’ll content myself with just bullet-pointing random thoughts that came into my head, and if some intelligent thought gets through, well that would be the pinnacle. In any case I’ll aim to not parrot some of the stuff that’s already been said, repetition can get annoying.

This image embodies this post, but maybe not the show. I’ve noticed those Starz productions get better by the end.

First Scenes:

- The recap just reminded me how much I will miss Margaret Beaufort in the coming episodes. I know her portrayal was innacurate but Harriet Walter just made everything better.

- They are making such a big deal out of this whole ‘we were crowned together, we rule together’ thing in this episode - it makes no sense. Catherine was an influential Queen but she was definitely no more than a consort and never saw herself as more.

- Ruairi’s new haircut is pleasing to my eyes.

- When she says ‘Abuelo’ it’s super adorable awww

The Ferdinand and Charles V scene:

- Bessie Blount looks so much like Ursula Pole lmao. Also they totally got the Pole children’s birth order wrong and UGH WHERE IS GEOFFREY POLE???

- I like Mary Tudor’s actress and her facial expressions. However, this whole polyglot image they are representing is innacurate. I am fairly certain she knew no spanish and I recall reading a contemporary account which said that she was not very learned.

- I’m pretty sure it would be considered bad luck to prematurely crown your son ‘Henry IX’ while you’re still alive.

- I actually like the whole Grape motif in this episode. It’s probably the smartest thing they’ve come up with so far for this episode. I know a lot of you will be all like ‘there’s no record of Ferdinand being abusive’ but this choice sort of makes sense when you recall Joanna’s treatment. Also I appreciate them for not being tacky and showing flashbacks of more overt abuse eg physical. The sugared grape is also fairly symbolic (the sugar is like a gilding, the grape easily crushable)

- OMG the guy from Garrow’s law is playing Thomas More!

- AND PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT SEEING THINGS? Margaret Pole x Thomas More is happening?? Please god that is a historical crackship I am getting behind. Yes. This is what I’m most invested about.

Margaret Tudor and Scotland Scene:

- The whole ironic cutaway to Margaret being all depressed after Charles Brandon’s statement about her charming Scottish king is such a cliché movie technique.

- If this were a more artsy film I would think the whole setup resembling a stereotypical middle-class family breakfast was done on purpose for humorous effects or to create a link with the past. But here I don’t have as much trust in the producers. I think they just failed to capture the time period accurately.

- The modernisms continue: ‘Negassi please stop playing’ idk, there just something so modern about this for some reason ahaha

- Also again, I’m getting tired of all this ‘Catherine is basically queen herself’, ‘Catherine is a political genius’, ‘Catherine Catherine Catherine’ ugh. I don’t think the producers understand that Henry VIII was a very autocratic and traditional ruler. He didn’t make any show of joint-rulership (correct me if I’m wrong).

- The teeth thing is funny, smart and I liked it.

Back to Westminster:

- I like Ferdinand’s actor!

- Also Catherine’s response to ‘who are you loyal to?’ was not that smart. I feel like the producers wanted us to be impressed. What if Spain and England’s interests conflict, ey??

The Joust:

- I care too much for the whole Margaret Pole plotline. I’m so invested.

- I could watch a series of More and Pole just exchanging lines. I love the actors too and this is my hope for this series. The whole frustrated parents is SO CUTE.

- I didn’t know More tutored Reggie, I would be curious to know more.

- The way compton says groom to queen’s stool is freaking hilarious. He looks like a pervert.

- Henry Pole is a darling and must be protected at all costs.

- Oh Christ oh Christ that eyeball shot was just... good job on the special effects guys. Don’t know what the point of that choice was.

- I found the whole armour mentions after interesting, it looked so set up as a PR campaign because Stafford speaking about the armour just sounded like a statement agreed on beforehand ‘should have worn the same’ and the Catherine with ‘steel in the bones’ and Ferdinand’s impressed face (it was him playing them?)

- Am I giving this show too much credit?

- Also whats up with “God save the Queen?”

War Counsel:

- Henry VIII’s actor is quite charismatic in this scene. It’s almost as if Catherine is the hothead and Henry the wise one that speaks less but more significantly. It almost feels like they gender-swapped them.

The Bedchamber:

- Did Catherine breastfeed the baby? I thought it was Anne Boleyn. Doubtful... I’m tired of the trope of ‘you’re a good woman if you insist on breastfeeding the child yourself despite social conventions’. For a feminist show, the writers seem very attached to some 1950s perceptions of motherhood.

- I feel like the age difference between Catherine and Henry is well conveyed.

Scotland Again:

- ‘All the sheep were pregnant’ 👀 oh touché Margaret. oh my. Did she just?

- I know they are playing out this disenfranchised Margaret arc to reinforce how great Catherine and Henry are (cheap technique) and to build up to her involvement in Flodden (innacurate historically but I know what the show will do). But I will say this: the humour is pretty good in the Scottish scenes! But I know it’s unintentionally so... (I highly doubt they wanted us to laugh at Margaret hitting James or calling Alexander a pig).

Westminster and the baby chamber:

- What’s are those red splotches on the babies face??

- Oh that shot of Margaret and silent Reginald :((( it makes me sad.

- And now the Poles are at church! I just love the look of them.

- That scene of Maggie and Catherine was needed, as we didn’t get the best friends vibe much in this episode. The whole thing looked a bit pagan though, but it was nice :)

The whole Ferdinand’s betrayal segment:

- The grape motif again was fitting, him snapping the fruit right before she gets to it even despite her knowing what he’s like and what he’ll do, was a good parrallel.

- I’m tired of hearing of this ‘Camelot’. Even in the novel, Camelot was Catherine and Arthur’s dream and... can we just live it up with Arthur?

- Ursula Pole’s, Bessie Blount’s and Mary Boleyn’s actresses look way too similar.

- I fail to see why Catherine thinks she’s turning into her father... she doesn’t strike me as much of a game-player or subtle two-facer.

- I’m intrigued what will happen with Oviedo and Lina... I feel like they won’t stay in England long.

- He was made knight bannaret... nice... but why does he thank Catherine publicly for this? It was in Henry’s gift that he was made a commoner Knight.. if this transpired irl Henry would have been gravely insulter.

Catherine’s Dead Baby and thereafter:

- Guys. In all seriousness, I don’t think the TV series is trying to imply that Catherine killed the baby with her negligence. I mean, they are so bent on us liking her they wouldn’t do that. It would be a bit too ballsy anyway. Remember the red splotches I mentioned earlier? Could those have been a sign that he was already ill but no one noticed/was in denial?

- The pebbles in hands would have had more emotional payoff if it had been established earlier if you know what I mean. Basically, this episode is too fast and entire arcs begin and end within it which extinguished any build-up.

- Oh man Henry is so sweet in this, how will they build him up as the tyrant he was historically if they keep this up?

Scotland Again:

- I must admit, I don’t like all those nicknames they keep using. But somehow James calling Margaret ‘Meg’ is nice and seems fitting.

- What’s a hermana sister?

England Last Mourning Scenes:

- YOU DID NOT BUILD CAMELOT ughhh

- Why is Catherine giving the speech and not Henry?? It turns out Catherine was more emotional historically then the whole perception of ‘perfect queen of stone’ to which some people hold her. However, I doubt it would have been proper of her to give a speech in such a emotional manner.

Conclusion:

6.5/10

Some of the dialogue was stilted, the costumes are confused as to which era they’re supposed to be (aesthetically distracting) and many other characterisation issues.

I don’t have high hopes for this series in terms of cinematography or art but I sure as hell expect it will be entertaining. So far, everything is just getting set up and I find some aspects promising. As you can tell I am truly excited over how the Margaret Pole plotline. I am also interested in how Henry will be portrayed, with Catherine being so OTT and pushy this episode Im starting to Stan him more. In this show he appears sensitive and serene and kinda... adorable. Kind of like a little brother hanging onto his sister’s skirts.

But in a way that is a disservice to the real historical figure which would not tolerate such a representation. I am very irritated by this whole ‘joint-rulers’ thing which is just sooo innacurate. These STARZ shows have an obsession with showing women turn into men for the purposes of feminism - I see.

Catherine overpowers Henry too often and it sometimes feels like he’s HER consort. Of course, the feminism in this show is schizophrenic as we get the overemphasis of Catherine as a 1950s motherly ideal with the whole breastfeeding angle (“you’re better than other noble woman who would find this beneath them”, “they’re not as motherly as you”).

So the relationship dynamic between Henry and Catherine is a bit off at the moment, but oh well.

Mary Tudor is a bit distracting with her dark hair but I find the actress extremely endearing and promising. I know there will be emphasis on her storyline too and I hope they’ll not be clichéd with it.

[herstorshe]

I Have Come Hither To Die

- A Historical Fiction Short Story about Anne Boleyn -

This is an original piece of historical fiction written by me, do not steal this. I also do not claim that all or any of this content is historically accurate.

____

“I am sorry, my lady Anne Boleyn, but your execution has been delayed again, for the swordsman is running late.”

I heaved a sigh. “How long is it delayed for?”

“We will be ready tomorrow at dawn.”

I forced a shaky breath. “Thank you,” I say, starting to pace the room once more, a sweat developing on my forehead.

The man left the room, and I immediately dropped to the floor, hysterically sobbing. My ladies immediately rushed to my side and Catherine, my dear niece, gripped my hand. We sat there in silence, aside from my vicious sobs. I screamed a little. None of them knew what to say.

All of a sudden, Catherine stood and announced: “We must distract ourselves. This truth is too heartbreaking to wade in for so many hours. Come, aunt, let us play cards.”

I shook my head, descending once more into tears. She grabbed my hands and pulled me up.

“Come.” I swallowed hard and she lead me to the small table in front of the cold fireplace. She threw a new set of logs into the pit, and lit it, illuminating the large, wooden chambers where I once awaited my coronation. This time I awaited my demise.

Catherine shuffled a set of cards and slowly my other ladies trickled over from the door. The cards were split, and she played the first move, placing a pair of queens in the middle of the table, as well as two golden coins. She drew another pair.

“Your Majesty,” she used my old title, “I bet you two gold coins that you have no better pair than these two queens.” I looked at her pair and thought of my predecessor, Katharine of Aragon. Now that I had been eclipsed by a Seymour girl, and a stupid, big-nosed one at that, I had some sympathy for Katharine. She must’ve thought I was a ninny too.

Catherine looked up at my glum face to remind me to play. I glanced at my deck and smirked wistfully, placing a pair of kings next to her pair of queens. 

“I win,” I announced. 

“Not yet, Majesty.” She added another gold coin to the pile as well as another queen, a queen of spades this time. I placed a pair of 10’s of hearts and a coin, and took all the coins.

“Well played, Majesty.” She smiled at me with her honest, caring smile. It reminded me of her mother, my sister. I hadn’t seen her since I banished her from court when she married a commoner for love. Now, well, I couldn’t blame her. I married for power and look where it brought me. I thought she was stupid all the time when she would speak of “true love” and never understood the Howard family ambitions, but now I yearn for some of that blissful ignorance. But what can I say, I’m a Howard girl, born and raised to be ambitious, but not too ambitious for a girl. 

“Let me tell you all a story,” I said, picking up my sewing. “Once upon a time, a teenage girl was brought to the English court from France, where she had spent her girlhood. She quickly became the center of the court, possible lovers constantly battling for her praise, for her favor, for her love. She must’ve turned down some fifty men for marriage, for her father never would have let her marry anyone the family didn’t pick. Her younger sister, however, gave the king her favor, accepting treats and gifts from him like they were simply children of farmers. Eventually, their relationship grew and she became his mistress.” Giggles and tiny gasps spread around my ladies, but I continued. “Their parents became obsessed with getting as much power as possible from her sister and the king’s courtship. The older girl had to be her sister’s servant to serve the family ambition. Any marriage arrangements that were being made for her stopped. Until the king’s eye landed on the the older girl herself.” I paused as Margaret took my hand. 

“He quickly tired of her sister, you see, so he looked to the older sister. They began courting, but she, feeling guilty for her sister, denied many of his gifts and refused to love him until she could not do so without being accused of treason, and until her father told her she must. The girl finally started accepting the king’s love, and soon the whole court knew of their relationship. The girl found herself in her sister’s shoes, with her father playing her like a puppet on a string, a pawn on the chessboard of the court.” I took a moment to rethread my needle. 

“Then, somehow, it was silently agreed between the girl’s father and the king that the girl would marry the king, setting aside his wife, the queen. The king had grown tired of his wife, as he had of the girl’s sister, and of many other women. His wife could not give him a son. The girl could not refuse, and at this point did not want to, for she was approaching the time when she would be considered a spinster. It took many years for the king to set aside his stout and devout queen, but he did, and the girl married the king, becoming the queen. She had a beautiful, golden-haired daughter. But, alas, she could not give the king a son. Despite how long it took to put it on, the crown fell from her head as quick as the snap of a finger.”

____

The sky began to darken, and me and my four ladies still sat at the fireside, some reading, some sewing, some crying and trying to hide it.

I picked up my  bible and began reading. Accidentally, I found myself on the verse in Leviticus that Henry used against Katharine when he was trying to get a divorce. I always knew the accusations against her were false, but to please Henry and my father, I swore she must have been lying. What fools we were! Why would Katharine of Aragon, of all people, lie in an exchange with the Pope? And again, I find another way I am similar to Katharine: we are innocent of all the ridiculous accusations against us, no matter how much it would please the king for us to give him an excuse to torture us.

I cried the night Henry proposed. I didn’t want to hurt Katharine. Sure, we were quite different, she being raised by the devout, conservative and pious Spanish court, and while I was raised by the risque and chaotic French court. But we were both inspired to be more than just wives. We were inspired to be women. Katharine’s mother, Isabel, was a queen in her own right, and ruled jointly with her husband over Castile and Aragon. Isabel raised her daughters to be strong, educated and not let others limit them. I hardly knew my parents. I was raised by all the women I encountered in the Austrian and French courts, Queen Claude, Margaret of Austria, my good friend Margaret. I read books, so many books. Theology, history, religion. I formed my own ideas about God, and the meaning of life. I found that if all anyone else would do is pick my life for me, or judge my choices, there was no point not to reach for my dreams, no matter how strongminded my father and uncle were. No matter the difficulty one must face when born a girl. I would reach my goals, no matter what it took.

Sadly, my revelations meant nothing once I reached the English court, where the power hungry patriarchs of my family dictated my life. And now their choices will be the end of me.

_____

“What will become of Elizabeth?!” I cried as the ink of the night cloaked the sky in darkness.

“Your friends will protect her. Even a royal bastard is cared for. Remember Henry Fitzroy?” Catherine said, trying to reassure me.

“A royal bastard, sure, but not a Boleyn bastard. And she’s only two! I always imagined her as queen. A queen monarch, I mean. But-” I interrupted myself with a small scream. “I think Henry shall never want to see her again.” I sobbed out, dropping to the floor again.

Catherine moved to the chair next to me, and gently rested my head on her lap. She pulled out a kerchief and before I knew it she was crying too. We sat there, the bastard daughter of the king, and the disgraced queen of England. What a picture we must have been.

Eventually, I drifted into a light sleep, leaning on my wise niece. 

____

I flew awake from a dream of my body laying headless in the cold ground of the Tower. I took a few deep breaths, steadying my heart rate, and turned to look out the window. The sun was just peeking over the horizon line. I stood and looked in the mirror at my pale skin, dark hair, and deep, falcon eyes. I silently resigned myself to death, and the hands of God. I would soon be elsewhere, and my presence on Earth would not affect my afterlife. 

Margaret broke my reverie, tapping my shoulder from behind. “We should start getting you ready. I am sorry, Anne Boleyn.” I almost laughed at her casual usage of my name. The name of a queen. I will be known in history as Anne Boleyn, the headless queen. The queen who wreaked havoc on England. The queen who tricked the king into loving her. Little would they know that they were wrong.

I heaved a long, hefty breath, and nodded, signaling for my ladies to get out my gown for my execution. My final armor.

With their help, I stepped into the grey gown with pearls and jades sewn onto the collar, and French lace at the cuffs. All my ladies were crying. But I had let out my hysteria. I was ready for my final battle.

Soon after, the confessor came. I had already pled innocent yesterday, but he offered me one more chance to plead guilty.

“I plead innocent of all charges against me,” I began with my single sentence from yesterday, but decided to continue. “I may have not been most gracious to His Majesty, but I never committed anything cruel or unholy, other than speaking my mind.” He crossed me, and blessed my soul. I rose, my whole body cold with dark acceptance.

Catherine, shaking with sobs, placed my ermine cloak on my shoulders, and secured my signature pearl necklace with the B initial in gold on my neck. She pulled my hair into a tight bun, and stood in front of me, still crying vigorously. I ran to her and locked her in an almost motherly embrace. 

“It is alright, child. I will be alright. I must die, it is the king’s will.”

She hugged me back, and her breath started to steady. When we split, she had the same face of depressed acceptance I knew I was wearing as well. 

I quickly wrote a little scrawl in my bible, left for Catherine:

“Remember me when you pray that hope doth lead from day to day. For my dear Catherine.”

The same man who alerted me of my delayed demise came through the door just after, and told me that it was time.

He led us through the cold halls to the private courtyard where I would meet my end. Henry had offered me two luxuries for my execution: a professional French swordsman instead of the lazy English axe, and a private execution, without the dirty cries of peasants. Only nobles, such as Charles Brandon, my parents, and the king’s sister would be present. As soon as I walked into the hall, with inclosed stone walls and open ceiling, I knew that Katharine was there. Watching. Waiting for my ghost to join her so we could sew together once more.

I mounted the scaffold and looked about the crowd. I recognized most of the faces from court. The Spanish ambassador, Eustace Chapuys, Princess Mary’s one friend, was there. I think I may have even seen Mary herself, who was either there to see her mother’s enemy’s death, or out of respect for me.

I took a breath, and began. “Good Christian people, I am come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die, and therefore I will speak nothing against it.” I paused, feeling the breeze on my face, and regurgitated my script, written to suit Henry’s wild fury. “I am come hither to accuse no man, nor to speak anything of that, whereof I am accused and condemned to die, but I pray God save the king and send him long to reign over you, for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never: and to me he was ever a good, a gentle and sovereign lord.” I clenched my jaw, biting back my retorts. “And if any person will meddle of my cause, I require them to judge the best.” I smiled genuinely, thinking of the many historians and conspirators who would bake up wild and complicated theories about my story. I hoped that someone would take it up, and show that it was not so. I took a final deep breath and finished: “And thus I take my leave of the world and of you all, and I heartily desire you all to pray for me. O Lord have mercy on me, to God I commend my soul.”

Margaret removed my cloak and necklace. I stopped her for a moment as she secured my linen cap on my head.

“Make sure those are given to Elizabeth as soon as possible.” I muttered, motioning to the cloak and necklace. She nodded, crying. 

The executioner asked forgiveness, I nodded, and knelt. My eyes looked up to the sky, at the great sky that I passed under on my highest and lowest moments. That I passed under my  whole life. 

The sky went dark.

[the-busy-ghost]

Rant- TSP S02E08 - Peace (Part 2)

We’re back in England now. 

- I see they dropped the Boleyn name FINALLY. Had absolutely zero effect imo.

- I can sort of see why Margaret Pole wouldn’t mind selling out Katherine in this version because let’s face, Katherine has been portrayed as genuinely nasty. But Mary? Did nobody think of the implications of this #Reveal for Margaret Pole’s relationship with little Mary?

- Cracking dresses Maggie’s got this episode though. Love it, especially the grey costume. Indeed there have been some nice dresses this episode, especially worn by Katherine. If it weren’t for the awful and distracting headdresses, I really would be applauding the costume department for some aesthetically pleasing if not 100% accurate gowns.

- Just a quick jump back to Fake Scotland for a minute- if they were going to do this plotline why on earth didn’t they start several episodes ago? There’s no way they can fit all of the next seven years into the next twenty minutes?

- God Henry’s beard really is bad. You don’t notice until you see it in the full light of day but it is BAD.

- I like Katherine’s implication that Wolsey is also a paid assassin. Like Henry couldn’t get somebody else to dispose of his queen in a dark wood other than a CARDINAL.

- But yeah, dump her in a wood and leave her there. That’ll work.

- The ‘Oh shit’ faces pulled by Thomas More, Margaret Pole, and Thomas Boleyn, when Katherine appears in the doorway, somehow with a horse and covered in dirt like a vengeful bog fairy, was definitely worth it though.

- Oh for goodness sake. This was a very strange flirting scene between “Meg” and don’t make me say it “Hal” Stewart. I thought we’d established last week that it wasn’t the right time? I don’t know. Margaret Tudor’s a difficult person to understand even in history, but the writers really haven’t done a good job of rendering her complex behaviour comprehensible to an audience.

- Oh for goodness SAKE it seems like weird flirting scenes are all the rage with the Tudor siblings this episode. Why could they not have introduced Anne as Henry’s mistress literally any other way? Even if the writers do think she was just a ‘pretty girl’ it was a bit more complex than ‘tits out for Henry’?

- ALSO why is NOBODY wearing proper clothes? We have established that it is WINTER and COLD. Katherine in her nightie is bad enough but Anne’s just wandering around barefoot and getting her kit off in the garden? It’s freezing put your clothes back on!

- Is it bad I kind of wanted Katherine to pull the trigger in that scene? At Henry that is, not Anne. Not because I want him dead, but because I think they could have turned this in to the most HILARIOUS murder mystery tv show. Like who killed the king? Was it the lady found half-naked over his body? Was it the ex-wife seen leaving her chambers in the night? Was it the ambitious cardinal who’s been under a lot of strain lately? Was it the ex-mistress whose son has just been promoted to the rank of duke but who might be ousted by a new mistress? Was it a spy sent down from Scotland, because it’s apparently that easy to infiltrate the tower of London? Add in one crime-solving monk and a convenient drawing room for the murderer’s identity to be Revealed in, and you have yourself a hit ITV Sunday afternoon show. 

- Ok so we got the cannons Moment from Meg, not a total loss. But, um, I have a lot of Thoughts. Firstly, why is there a lady singing a Jacobite lament for no apparent reason? It has no impact if it isn’t the right context (or even culture)? Secondly, is that supposed to be 400 men? Thirdly, they know that Angus entered the town, not Holyrood or the Castle, and didn’t launch a siege of anything right? Fourthly, Angus trying to attack EDINBURGH CASTLE in broad daylight with like a dozen guys and the Earl of Lennox is ridiculously funny. This is not 1313 and you are not Thomas Randolph (or even the Black Douglas at Roxburgh). Go home Angus, you are drunk.

- Watching Margaret Tudor with cannons: Origin story for Henry Stewart, Master of Artillery. Good or bad I can’t tell right now.

- But seriously are they trying to imply that Margaret Tudor went mad? Because I don’t know about you, but presenting a complex historical woman’s confusing changes of allegiance as her being a bit nuts is not exactly the most feminist way to go.

- “I want more sugared apricots” oh don’t we all Henry Fitzroy

- Ah the Symbolic Bird. Another missed opportunity for the dead parrot sketch.

- Ok I LOVE the gable hood FINALLY. Thirty years too late but still.

- Why is Katherine at the door with her bags and the kid like they live in a 1950s house in the suburbs instead of a royal palace?

- Ok but a ‘small household’ does not mean just the birdcage and no coat for your only daughter in the midst of winter. Seriously would somebody give the poor kid some warm clothes.

- Oh I don’t even know where to begin with this final scene but there is INHERENT comedy in using the bird as a symbol for Mary and Katherine’s hopes, saying “You are England’s future Mary”, then throwing a tame budgerigar out into a cold English winter where it will almost certainly die. What an ending folks.

- Lastly, I don’t know about England where it’s meant to be 1531, but in Scotland, it is still 1524. We are apparently not supposed to mention this.

Well I think in the end I’ll miss this show. It HAS given me a lot of laughs. And like I know that any drama involves a lot of work, so credit to everyone who did their best, even if it was ultimately ruined by some questionable writing and plot choices, and some decidedly Un-feminist writing wrapped up as Girl Power. Oh the show that could have been...

[dreamcatcherfication]

Skin Deep - Round Three

I have no idea why this part was so hard for me to write, I just couldn’t sit down and get it out. Somehow, I managed, and here’s part three! Only one more part and an epilogue guys, we’re almost done with this one! Please don’t get mad at me if the court scenes are unrealistic, I really have no accurate basis of what a trial would look like. Sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors, my brother is blasting the doomsday alarm on an endless loop.

Writing Masterpost

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Trigger Warnings: Heavy talk about rape and sexual assault, victim blaming, slut shaming

Part 1 | Part 2

It was trial day. The courtroom was a lot smaller than Law and Order had led Cathy to believe, and it wasn’t doing well to soothe anyone’s nerves. Kit was sitting with her back straight at one of the desks in front of the judge and the jury, attempting to keep any emotion off her face. Beside Kit were Aragon’s lawyers, Maria and Joan, two highly educated women in pristine suits. While their presence didn’t do anything to quell Kit’s nerves, they weren’t doing anything to agitate her, which was honestly all she could ask for.

Sitting off to the side were Cathy and Anne, waiting for court to officially start. They were supposed to be witnesses for the case, along with Jane, Anna, and Aragon who were sitting with them. Maggie and Bessie were in the back of the room, watching and waiting. At the other table sat Thomas Culpeper in a dapper suit, his hair gelled back and his eyes stony. He had some dime a dozen lawyer next to him, ready to argue every possible point he could get his hands on. Off on the other side of the room was Francis Dereham, the main witness for Culpeper’s defense. 

The judge sat up on a podium with a fancy chair, the bags under his eyes visible to everyone in the courtroom. “I am Judge Cranmer. Today we are here to see the case of Culpeper vs Howard. We shall start with the accused.”

Culpeper’s lawyer stood up and made his way to the center of the courtroom floor. “Thank you Judge Cranmer. Now, as you all know, my client has been accused of sexually assaulting and attempting to rape Miss Howard,” he explained, “But these charges are all false! Miss Howard,” he pointed his hand at Kit, “is lying about what happened. She was the one to come onto Mr. Culpeper. He was not at fault and is being falsely accused of a crime he did not commit.”

“Objection your honor!” Maria stood up, her face growing red.

“Overruled,” Cranmer shushed Maria. He seemed very interested in what Culpeper’s lawyer had to say.

Silently thanking the judge, Culpeper’s lawyer continued. Cathy had to hold back the sick feeling in her stomach as he started preaching falsities to the judge and jury. “Miss Howard is playing innocent, when really she is a vixen. In fact, we can prove it. Mr. Dereham!” he spun around, pointing at the man in question. “I’m calling you to the stand.”

Disguising a smirk on his face, Dereham made his way to the witness stand, winking at Cathy and the others as he passed. Jane gasped in disgust, turning her head away from him. Once Dereham was up and situated on the stand, they got straight into questioning. “Mr. Dereham, you told me that you have had sexual relations with Miss Howard before.”

“Indeed I have,” he answered.

This time it was Joan who stood up. “Objection your honor!”

“Overruled,” Cranmer dismissed her. Watching the absolute horror that descended onto Anne’s face hurt Cathy more than she would’ve thought. Her girlfriend looked devastated at Kit’s reaction to Dereham, and it only further proved that things were far worse than they initially thought. 

Pacing back and forth, the lawyer started asking questions. “How do you and Miss Howard know each other?”

The charismatic smile on Dereham’s face was disgusting and unnatural with the way it never changed. “Last year I was the judge at one of Katherine’s beauty pageants. To make sure she won, Katherine came to me as the results were being deliberated. She forced herself onto me, hoping she could bribe me with sexual acts. She had her way with me, and said that if I didn’t make sure she won, she would accuse me of raping her.”

If any of the jury had an ounce of common sense, they would see the tears in Kit’s eyes and know immediately Dereham was lying. That’s what Cathy hoped, at least. Kit seemed so terrified for the usually confident beauty queen. Or maybe she was never confident and had just learned to hide it really well. 

The questioning dragged on as tensions rose. Cathy could feel the anger and fear radiating throughout the room from every person. Finally, Culpeper’s lawyer was done and it was Kit’s turn. Maria and Joan stood up together and nodded before addressing Cranmer. “Your honor, we would like to call up the victim,” Maria stressed the word, “Katherine Howard, to the stand.” Cranmer agreed and Kit was led up to the box for questioning.

Both the lawyers gave Kit kind smiles to ease her anxiety. The three of them knew this was going to get messy. “Seeing as we were unprepared for Mr. Dereham’s accusations, would you like to tell us your version of the events Miss Howard?”

Swallowing and giving the tiniest nod, Kit began to speak. “I was at the beauty pageant my father had signed me up for,” she started, her eyes darting out in the benches before landing on her father. “Mr. Dereham was one of the judges, but I never tried to seduce him,” Kit hardened her face. “My father encouraged that I talk to him, so I did. It was Mr. Dereham who started to put his hands on me. At first I didn’t say anything, because I thought he was admiring my costume. He was charming, and I thought it was alright,” Kit admitted, glancing down at her hands. “But then he started to touch me more in places I didn’t like, and I didn’t know what to do so I stopped and,” her breath hitched as she froze. “I let it happen,” Kit choked out.

All the rage Cathy never thought she had was coming out. She wanted to get up and punch Dereham in the face, she wanted to wring Culpeper by his neck until his face turned blue. Instead of doing any of that, Cathy put a hand on Anne’s knee in order to keep her calm. Glancing to the side, Cathy and Aragon made eye contact. This is wrong, Aragon mouthed to her, abhorrence written across her face. 

I know, Cathy mouthed back before turning her attention back to the stand. She could only imagine the fury Anna must have been feeling as she watched her best friend admit to being sexually abused. “And with Mr. Culpeper?” Joan asked, her fingers drumming on the side of her blazer.

“This time I did say no,” Kit mumbled into the microphone. “He asked me to come see him in the judging room because something was off with the votes. I thought maybe they had spelled my name wrong, that happens a lot, so I followed him. But he locked the door and started undressing and I panicked.” Taking a moment to breath, Kit stilled her face. “I told him to stop,” her voice was a thick monotone, “And he didn’t. He ripped my clothing open and almost had his way with me before my cousin Anne Boleyn and her girlfriend, Catherine Parr came into the room and saw what was happening. Parr went and got my friend Anna while two of the student judges, Catherine de Aragon and Jane Seymour called the police.”

Anne was in awe of her cousin’s ability to tell the story. Cathy knew Anne didn’t think of her cousin as weak, but Kit was known for having anxiety problems that made her freeze up or spiral. Anna was smiling proudly off to the side, her heart swelling at the sight of Kitty. “Thank you Miss Howard,” Joan helped her out of the box and led her back to the defense’s table. 

Maria addressed Cranmer, “Now we would like to call up the other witnesses. Anne Boleyn, please come before the court.” 

That was how the trial progressed, with every witness being called up to provide a first account of the events they were a part of. When Cathy stepped into the box, she couldn’t help but feel the anxiety of all her friends fall onto her shoulders. It was terrifying, having everyone’s attention on her, knowing that her account of the events could make or break the case.

After what felt like hours, Judge Cranmer called a recess. Anne went to talk to Aragon, Jane and Anna approached Cathy, and Kit left the room to use the bathroom. “She’s handling this well,” Anna commented, nervously casting a glance towards the hallway where Kit had disappeared down. “Especially being around them,” she refused to say the men’s names. 

Jane rubbed her wrist as if it was in pain. “I didn’t think I’d be able to handle sitting in that box, and I didn’t have much to share. I can’t imagine what it’s like for her.”

Cathy didn’t respond, her eyes watching Anne and Aragon in the corner. She couldn’t hear their conversation, but both of them looked frustrated. Aragon was holding her composure, but Anne seemed to be venting all her rage at the other girl. Before Cathy could make her way over and break up the argument, Aragon said something that made Anne stop cold. For a moment, Cathy was afraid Aragon had said something inappropriate that would cause Anne to snap, but then Anne threw her arms around Aragon in a hug. It was awkward, and neither girl seemed to particularly like it, but it was a gesture of goodwill they both needed.

A feeling of pride welled up in Cathy’s chest at her girlfriend. She and Aragon had been at odds since the day of the incident, and even the smallest step toward forgiving each other for whatever happened in their past was a good thing. “I’m going to the bathroom,” Cathy told Anna and Jane without taking her gaze off of Aragon and Anne. “I think this might be my only opportunity to slip away from Anne before -”

“Before she becomes clingy girlfriend bot 2000, I know what she’s like,” Anna shoved Cathy’s shoulder lightly. “Go on, we’ll cover for you.”

Quietly thanking Anna, Cathy bolting out of the courtroom and into the hall. If Aragon was distracting Anne, it gave Cathy the perfect opportunity to sneak out and empty her bladder. The bathrooms were down the hall and around the corner, pretty secluded from the rest of the court. Making her way to the bathroom, Cathy was about to turn the corner when she heard voices. Stopping, she leaned against the wall and peered around the corner.

Edmund Howard was leering over his daughter, his face red with anger as he scolded her. “How dare, how dare you!”

“I’m sorry,” Kit whispered, her eyes trained on the floor.

“Don’t apologize you stupid slut!” Cathy wanted to barge in, but she knew that wouldn’t do any good. Edmund would pretend like nothing had happened and Cathy wouldn’t have any way to help Kit. So Cathy pulled out her phone and started recording the scene. “You say this was my fault, and then accuse two perfectly dignified men of your crime? You’re a disgrace Katherine.”

Still unable to look in her father’s eyes, Kit mumbled, “It’s not my crime, it’s their fault. I didn’t consent. That’s illegal.”

“Thomas and Francis were doing as I told them,” Edmund growled, bending down so Kit had to look in his eyes. “The only way you would ever win is if I do all the hard work for you.” Cathy had to restrain herself from attacking the man then and there. He was admitting to a crime, and her video could be the one thing that helped Kit put Dereham and Culpeper in prison. 

The look of pure betrayal behind Kit’s eyes made Cathy want to scream. “You what?” she asked, the syllables broken apart.

Edmund spit like fire, uncaring about how he hurt his daughter. “We needed that prize money, and the only way you were going to win it was if the judges had a reason to pick you. It’s surprisingly easy to whore you out to these men.”

“It’s my body!” Kit exploded, stepping away from her father. “You can’t sell me to them for money.”

“I can, I will, and you won’t say anything about it,” Edmund towered over his daughter. And with that, he spun around and stalked back to the courtroom. Panicking, Cathy nearly dropped her phone as she hurled herself into a nearby storage closet. When the shadow of Edmund had passed, Cathy released the breath she had been holding. She had video evidence of Edmund admitting what he had done. If this didn’t help Kit win, she didn’t know what would.

The small shuffling of feet outside the door signaled that Kit was passing by. Once the girl was gone, Cathy moved to open the door. She tried turning the knob in different directions, but it wouldn’t budge. Starting to freak out, Cathy pulled on the door harder and harder. It didn’t budge. Cathy was trapped.

“Anne’s hairpin,” Cathy murmured, praying that she had her girlfriend’s hairpin from earlier that day. She had picked it up off the ground when it fell out of Anne’s hair, and Cathy prayed it hadn’t fallen from her pocket or gotten lost. Shoving her hands in her pockets, Cathy rifled through lint and lost belongings in search of the pin. 

Luck was on her side, and she pulled out the pin. Straightening it out, Cathy got to work picking the lock. This was the second time her lockpicking skills had come in handy recently, and it gave her a strange sense of deja vu to be back in this position. Except this time she was trying to get out instead of in. 

Nearly falling into the hallway as the door swung open, Cathy gasped. She had done it, and now she could present her evidence to the court. Sprinting back up the hallway, Cathy saw the closed doors and realized that court was back in session. Ignoring proper etiquette, Cathy burst through the doors with her phone held up for everyone to see.

“Katherine Howard did nothing wrong. And I can prove it.”

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