#(tbh this fits for multiple ones as of Lately but Anyway)

[fizzyfishepicgaymer]

JUST DELETED TWITTER I AM FINALLY FREE OH MY GOD no more bullshit🙏🙏🙏🙏

[aph-japan]

(ramble under 'read more')

Me, braving going into a Main Tag for {Series}: .....

Me, (leaving??): What

[lubrumalis]

ghost headcanons! (realistic)

tw: nsfw, spoilers, dead dove do not eat

a lot of these are based off of my personal understanding of him

part 2 —> character analysis of ghost

general:

didn’t go back to manchester after his family died, too many foul memories—a lot of friends will probably know him as a murderer (comic reference, ghost was accused of killing his family in the newspaper)

has a fit body. a lot of people like to hc him as big and bulky, i think otherwise! its actually a huge disadvantage to be bulky in size as a soldier (logistics while fighting yk). most SAS soldiers are trained for endurance and fitness, i think he has a moreso lean body

hes not cold and ruthless, wouldn’t say hes a big softie either.

VERYYYY punctual. always on time

will not abuse or rape anyone. this guys been through atrocities, he would never do it to someone else

won’t hire a prostitute, ever.

honestly, hes just another dude in the military. he loves dad jokes and bourbon😭

ghost doesn’t think hes mean or tries to be, he simply is intimidating because of his size and way of talking

he likes watching soccer in his free time

gets internally offended if someone thinks hes from london (anywhere but Manchester)

very dark humoured. tell him any dark joke and he wouldn’t care

loves tea

listens to older british bands, like the smiths

cannot understand modern slang at all. what does ‘iykyk’ and ‘rizzler’ mean???

texts like a typical millennial. uses ‘😂’ and ‘😜’ unironically. types with proper grammar and spelling with punctuation too, maybe an occasional LOL

also unironically likes posts about trust issues and being a sigma male. he doesn’t actually think hes one, he just relates to those quotes that are like: “being alone is better than with fakes” 😭😭😭😭

ghost probably hates other men more than misandrists 😕 i think its bc hes always fighting other men and dealing with the cruel things theyve done, so ghost subconsciously feels more on guard with men he doesnt know

has insomnia

doesn’t cry. ghost doesn’t remember the last time he cried.

isn’t rich rich, but has a ton of savings. he doesn’t have a family or spend a lot. so the money piles up.

relationship hcs:

first off, i dont think he’d realistically get into one anyway LMAO

s/o would have to the chasing, i dont think ghost is the kind to actively pursue someone

he has charisma, doesn’t feel like using it

hes very against the idea at first—his family got murdered because he was in the military, you think hes gonna let it happen again?

probably will not like someone working with him as a soldier

i think itd go two ways: a) you are a civilian who aggressively pursues the poor guy and he gives in, b) you work as a military nurse and gradually get to know him, c) you are a longtime close friend of his before he was in the military

i cant see him being fwb with anyone, only one night stands

hes not a toxic partner or super lovey dovey

ghost doesn’t entertain multiple women at once

itd most likely end up in a breakup where he fears for your safety:(((

BUT lets ignore that

tbh, i think he would probably be with someone very empathetic and kind to others. he doesn’t like people overly energetic, too soft, or someone that annoys him

persons gotta be independent and good with long distance

simon doesn’t care about age gaps, but probably wants someone at least in their late twenties

had a hard time opening up, eventually told you everything once he trusts you

another reason why i think he wants someone empathetic is because he has severe trust issues😃😃

last thing he’d care about is looks for long term relationships

the type of guy to disappear for 6 months and reappear to be like “remember im your husband???”🫡

doesn’t let you tell your friends about him—No hes not being uncommitted or toxic, but hes simply being cautious after what happened to his family

you can’t show anyone photos of him, his name, his occupation, NOTHHINGGG

so you fake a name for your bf who your friends think you’re lying about

definitely does not let you post on social media about him either.

installs security in your home, teaches you self defense, and gives you weapons. this guy can be paranoid

will never hit you or lay a hand on you

ghost genuinely thinks you saved him—his life was bleak and empty before you came in. subconsciously thinks of you as a savior

he buys you gifts, does chores for you, he really likes you :(

ghost actively tries to make his voice sound softer and friendlier when hes talking to you

doesnt understand playing mind games, things like the silent treatment or “im ok” when ur not ok thing. just tell him how you feel

doesn’t tell his team about your existence. you and his job are always going to be separate.

avoids talking about what he does in the military. ghost has killed and injured many and he doesn’t want you to see that side of him.

scary dog privileges for SURE

[starsinmylatte]

Do you have any thots about the blueberry man lately ? ❤️

Ooooh anon, my beloved…. Let’s see what my brain comes up with for our fav Grand Admiral. As always, we do a bit of legends/canon Thrawn mix (but tbh, this probably leans way more legends)

Pairing: Thrawn x afab!reader

Tws and tags: size diff, belly bulge, cockwarming, face-sitting, oral (f!receiving), voice kink, men who eat it for their own pleasure, Thrawn is an alien with alien bits (human variant, no tentacles), no proofreading we die like clones

18+ ONLY below the cut. Minors DNI

Alright, alright, now hear me out:

Chiss anatomy is similar to human anatomy… but not exactly the same. The first time Thrawn takes you to bed, he warns you that it could be a bit of a tight, painful fit at first.

You quickly learn that he definitely isn't being overdramatic. Nothing about Thrawn is small. From his ego and intellect to his cock the man is big.

Length is only a little more than what is "normal" for a human but stars the man is thick and ridged in a way that makes your mouth water indecently.

So, every time he truly takes you, Thrawn spends so much time preparing you.

Sex is never really a fast event for him anyways. There is the odd chance he will pull you in to quickly satisfy a specific craving (i.e., calling you into his office to ride his face before a meeting because he needs to taste you right then). However, if he is to indulge, it will be done properly.

Other men with his..... gifts would likely just brag about how big they are and try to force it in with little-to-no actual preparation..... But, yeah, that's not how Thrawn operates.

The Grand Admiral draws much of his satisfaction from your pleasure, and he'd be appalled by the idea of actually hurting you. At least in a way you didn't consent to.

This also means that if he actually fucks you, it's a whole event. You might as well write off the entire night because you won't be leaving the bed. Of course, it doesn't help that walking becomes very difficult after.

Your first orgasm is always on his tongue. Partially because the man loves to taste you and partly because he wants you adrift in a haze of desire and pleasure as quickly as possible.

"Oh, ch'eo ch'acah... You taste divine," Thrawn practically purrs against your soaked cunt. His muscular arms wrap around your legs as he reclines between them, one large hand splayed across your hips to keep them from arching off the bed. The other wraps around to part your lips for his deliciously torturous assault.

His fingers join the mix after your first orgasm. They stroke the bud of your arousal languidly, trailing down just enough to circle around the entrance to your core teasingly as Thrawn leans back to see you whine for his touch.

Thrawn's red eyes glow with lust in the darkness as the fist finger slips in, but it isn't enough... it will never be enough. Your walls flutter and clench around the digit, drawing a low groan from your lover as he hears your shameless cries.

"Patience, darling," he chides, slipping in a second finger and stroking them against the spongy spot nestled inside. "You'll get your wish soon enough."

Your second orgasm has Thrawn bringing his fingers to his lips to show you just how he savors the taste of your arousal. He licks it off, and you moan again at how raw and shameless his desire is.

Multiple orgasms later, it's finally time. You are already a wreck beneath him, absolutely dripping with arousal and begging for more, but Thrawn still takes the time to pull a small bottle of lube from his nightstand.

You can feel every single ridge as he slowly pushes in with a growl. Thrawn lavishes kisses up and down the column of your neck as your back arches at the exquisite burn of being stretched and filled so completely.

There is still a brief moment near the end when you tense up, and he immediately stops to remind you to relax. His own body is shaking, voice low and rough in your ear as he fights back the urge to just sink all the way in. "Breathe... Relax...... You're doing so well for me."

Stars, you were always a fool for his voice. With another low moan, your body obeys, and he finally bottoms out, the blunt head of his cock nestled against your cervix.

Sometimes all you need is to grind your hips up and down as he stays still and talks you through another orgasm, your walls clenching at his sinful words and rubbing against the thick ridges. Either that or he will sit in his command chair as he works late at night and have you warm his cock, lifting your hips up and down every so often to draw out your arousal.

Thrawn loves to tease you like this, even though it just drives him insane too. He will run his fingers over the thick outline of his cock nestled in your lower tummy, pressing against it in a way that has you whimper and beg.

After everything is said and done, you can expect the most thorough, tender aftercare from him.

Tagging some friends! If your name is crossed through, please consider updating your username by sending me a message. Join my taglist here.

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[insecateur]

i make fun of him for it bc it's funny but the way lysandre snaps when you defeat him for the last time is so meaningful to me. in the games he's shown not to emote that much, he's very stiff and though he does laugh (and probably smile) and gradually gets more agitated as time goes on in the HQ, the reactions we're shown directly are always very measured, what with how he's barely expressing surface level disappointment in his end of battle animations. even when he cries it's like... single manly tear shit. but then for the last encounter he's going all out, he throws his glasses in anger and shouts and screams and it's very good. to see his cold calculated appearance crack...

the dichotomy is very interesting to me bc he's fire-themed and he does go on tirades and it's easy to imagine that he might behave closer to that unhinged energy from the HQ in private when he's less reliant on this public persona but there's definitely a disconnect there. augustine praises him for his warmth and passion and he's obviously got that well-liked reputation as a benefactor but i do think his outward demeanor is supposed to come off as at least partially acted, not necessarily in a manipulative way (bc when he cracks it's obvious that he does believe in what he's saying, his methods notwithstanding) more in a "learned this was how to better appeal to others" way. which makes sense bc he is a business man

it does make the times when he behaves horrendously and says weird shit even fuckier tho. like when he's being rude af to diantha or admitting to his fascination with the ultimate weapon and how it ended the war etc. like does he realize how he comes off and doesn't care... does he not realize... is he up his own ass and convinced he's right anyway <- likely

one way to look at it that i think is fascinating is to see the way he behaves as like. symptomatic of him already having crossed the line separating the passionate benevolent entrepreneur wanting to better the world from the omnicidal stubborn asshole who throws a fit and chooses death rather than defeat, but bc we meet him when it's already "too late" as it were we don't have anything to compare it to. which makes it less poignant unfortunately tho i do think there's something to be said there (esp when considering what augustine + npcs have to say about him)

there was rly no way to show a gradual shift with the scope of a pokémon game tbh unless you did it in multiple parts i guess which they'd never do LOL, and it's pretty clear that he's already succumbed to despair before you even met him, but still...

[chirpsythismorning]

wait you're not saying you think Jonathan might be Hoppers son too, right? hooking up Twice and having Two sets of kids with each other multiple years apart? sounds a bit too out there and something that would have Had to have come up before if they want it to be satisfying, because there'd be no way either of them could be in the dark about it

Hey, I get it! I was also skeptical myself (I still am)!

To be fair, when it comes to Jonathan, I'm still not 100% certain Hopper is his dad. But tbh, the fact that there is so much sufficient evidence he is Will and El's, along with some notable mentions pointing to the possibility he could be Jon's too, I'm intrigued. Like, they might as well go all out if they're going this route anyways?

No, I would not say it's explicit by any means, though I also wouldn't say with certainty that it's never come up at all either?

I also want to say that it took me a while to get here. I didn't just believe it all at once, it took going through different revelations and correcting theories based on things not adding up, while in contrast other things made a lot more sense for the overall story. And that is bound to continue happening regardless of what I think at this moment!

Initially, after stumbling across twelvegate, I wasn't even sure Will and El were twins? It wasn't until AGAIN rewatching certain scenes and seeing all this twin imagery that made it hard not to consider?

Though even so, at the time I was still pretty set on the assumption that they couldn't have the same mom, with Joyce obviously being Will's mom and Terry obviously being El's mom (right...). And so I thought maybe they could just be half-siblings? Sharing the same dad (Lonnie) and conceived around roughly the same time? Estranged siblings, only mere days/weeks apart? And so like, might as well be twins? I guess?

This was a pretty easy conclusion to come to because there was already a decent amount of evidence from s1 pointing to Lonnie potentially being a volunteer for MKUltra, alongside Terry.

I made a shit-post about this a while back. In case you want to see all the images related to this, feel free to check that out. I'll try to summarize it here quickly though, bc it's probably too vague there with the images alone:

When Hopper and Cal are at the Library in s1, we're shown quick snapshots of newspaper clippings related to Hawkins Lab, with one picture being the volunteers that participated in MKUltra. Though, the first time we see it, it's a negative image. So there was almost this anonymity to it, making you wonder if there was something that might have warranted them not wanting us to see it fully? At least not right away, for some reason? And I think this actually might have been because the effect made it appear like most of the participants were likely women, bc they all had long hair. But then, when we're finally shown the original picture near the end of the episode, right before they let us see it, Hopper says Forget about her (referring to Terry), only to reveal it was actually a man with long hair at the forefront, with Terry in the back to the right... And honestly, this guy in the middle does resemble Lonnie quite a bit. Like, if they had to cast someone to play a late 20's/early 30's Lonnie, this guy would fit the bill.

In that same scene, we also got an article that specifically mentioned individuals that were already addicts/alcoholics being chosen as participants for the experiments, and I do think Lonnie could arguably fit there.

Then there's the multiple comments about Lonnie dating women younger than him, and that might very well have aligned perfectly with Terry's sister saying she had joined MKUltra in college as a way to get extra cash (he would have still been roughly 10 years older than her, assuming she was in here early 20s at the oldest). It's also implied quite a bit that he's not exactly faithful, so this possibility of him cheating on Joyce with Terry while volunteering at the lab, could explain Will and El being practically the same age and with the same dad.

Basically this led me down a rabbit hole that had me genuinely considering the possibility that Will and El are blood related and that Lonnie could be their father, with El being born in the lab with Terry, while Will was born on the outside in Hawkins with Joyce. And I guess this could also fit the whole Will being the control group/El being the experiment group theory? Bc the lab probably found out about Will's existence after he was already born outside of the lab. Maybe they realized this would be a perfect opportunity to compare one kid in the lab vs. one out of the lab?

There are some other notable moments from s1 that read as potential evidence to me. My favorite though probably has to be this one, bc it just screams Willel twins:

This next one is so random, but here we have a transition between El in Mike's basement, followed directly by Lonnie taking a shower at the Byers...

Though, when it comes to Lonnie, he kind of falls off after s1? We get a few mentions of him here and there, but as time goes on, it's less and less. The story as a whole hasn't really prioritized him in the narrative, beyond the first two seasons (mostly the first), which would just make the revelation that he's been their father all along less impactful/satisfying if I'm being honest? Not saying he won't return in a vision or something, because I do think that's likely for s5. And yet arguably they've put more effort into connecting Terry to the overall story's narrative throughout the series than they have for Lonnie. And if you've read my previous posts about Terry, you know that's not saying much...

Which just makes you think, if they're putting all this time into prioritizing Hopper and Joyce, from the very beginning and even until now in s4, then that's probably for a reason? Remember this is a show that wants to encourage its viewers to rewatch it as an overall story once it's all finished. Emphasis on 'be kind, rewind'.

What I think makes this whole time trickery business interesting in regards to this 'crack' theory though, specifically within the context of Back to the Future, is that the plot of the movie was literally centered around Marty going to the past (1955), unintentionally preventing his parents from getting together, which in turn meant he was on track to cease to exist.

Although Marty thought he fixed it, Back to the Future Part II follows a similar storyline. Only this time, because of Marty's actions in the first film, another timeline has emerged that has lead to him, yes technically still existing in 1985 bc his parents still got together like they did in the original timeline, though unfortunately somewhere along the way, in the 70's George McFly died, which lead to a timeline contrasting the original 1985 timeline we were presented with in the first film, which looked like a literal nightmare, with Biff having taken the place of their father.

Which instantly reminds me of another certain show's incoming 1950's timeline, which is said to connect the overall story's s5 revelations with the origin story of Joyce and Hopper...

While I do agree, at a glance it's confusing to presume that not only Will and El are Hopper's kids but also Jonathan, I would argue it's just as confusing that somewhere along the way they got together, while Joyce was still married to Lonnie? If that was the case, I think the story would supplied a lot more evidence of Joyce herself knowing there is a big chance that Will could be his. But instead they behave as though they haven't talked since high school?

So... basically, regardless of time trickery or not, their memories are shot.

Which brings us to the most important piece of the puzzle:

Terrygate.

I am now 99.99% sure Terry is not El's 'Mama'... (Very strong evidence explored here and here)

And so that obviously begs to question, if Terry isn't El's mom? Then who is?

Joyce. It has to be Joyce.

And so that means that us just assuming Lonnie could be both of their dads, and with us now also assuming Joyce is their mom.. Then, maybe they are twins? Maybe all of that twin imagery connected to Will and El did count for something?

If you've read the posts about Terry not being El's mom, then you know that a lot of El's visions provided by Terry have resurfaced in different variations ever since she met her in 2x05, all the way up to now in 4x09. Not only that, but the references to 008 (Kali) in most of these flashbacks, including her flashbacks of the massacre (provided by Brenner), are incredibly suspicious. And the fact that we've got a woman doctor matching the nail polish of Terry in El's memory of her birth (one where you can hear two babies crying, I might add...) could very well be an indication that the memories she has, are tampered with...

You might be thinking NO! NO WAY! And I'm sorry but, Yes. Yes way.

Because this was in large part the main goal of MKUltra, from the very beginning. No, but like literally.

As I'm posting this, @erikiara80 posted this and... It makes so much fucking sense.

Just like El, Hopper has also been experiencing some PTSD like memory flashes throughout the series. We get the same like 10 snippets of memories. They keep reminding us with these snapshots that are super cryptic, only leaving us with more questions than answers.

Not only that, but David has said for YEARS that Sarah's death might not be what it seems, and basically alluded to the fact that she could have some sort of connection to the lab. Hopper literally experiences these flashbacks while trying to find Will in the UD, after discovering Will's tiger in Castle Byers at the end of s1 (the same stuffed animal Sarah, Will and El all have).

Not only that, but it's clear based on the setting of where Hopper is during the flashbacks with his daughter in the hospital, that he is quite literally at Hawkins lab... And so what the hell? He doesn't remember that? Why? Wouldn't that be an important detail for him to bring up and mention at some point? Wouldn't they want to inform us of his history at the lab, assuming he had one there? Wouldn't he be more skeptical about having Will go there if he had such a traumatic experience there? Unless he doesn't remember it being Hawkins lab? Unless those cheap ass memories are not the full truth in the first place??

I mean why else do these flashbacks read like forced memories more than actual reality?

Also, I find it interesting that Hopper left Hawkins right around the time before Will was born, to live in New York with his newborn and his wife (NYU is also Jon's dream school, since he was 6... Interesting).

And so what I think is going on here, is time trickery and false memories. An og timeline and a new one (or more...).

This means that Joyce, Jim, Jonathan, Will and El were probably a family at one point. But they've basically been ripped apart, losing each other (their memories of each other), leading them to believe that they are not family based on new memories in place, blocking the old memories.

The whole thing with Back to the Future is that those 3 kids can ONLY exist if their parents get together. This means that if Biff had somehow ended up preventing George and Lorraine from ever having kids like in the original timeline, then Marty and his siblings would cease to exist, as it wouldn't be possible for Biff and Lorraine to have the same kids as George and Lorraine ie. genetics.

And so this begs to question if perhaps Henry or the lab (assuming they successfully cracked time travel, which was one of the goals of MKUltra...), benefited much greater from Will and El and the entire family not knowing about their true relationship, and yet here they are experiencing the most intense bouts of deja vu I've ever seen.

This scene right here with Hopper? Still 99% unexplained. Why is this dude experiencing borderline dad deja vu, encased in a rainbow, witnessing the lights flicker firsthand (unlike Callahan, who upon arriving, the lights turn back on)? And we're all just nodding our heads like it's nothing, despite having no clue what is going on? This is the pilot? And we don't know what happened here??

Also I wanna remind ya'll that Hopper was seen mixing alcohol with Tuinal in s1, though he did stop after having suspicions he was being watched. And so presumably, since his 'daughters death' he has been highly medicated, mixing drugs/booze... not great for a persons memory... like at all (especially if it was intentionally being done to him by the lab to hide the truth from him).

This is obviously too iconic not to mention. But this basically supports the theory, that despite the this whole family being clueless about their true connection, we're still acknowledging the fact that Joyce and Hopper have indeed been intimate at some point. And here with Will's name being thrown in the middle, followed by That a yeah or? And so what's happening subtly is, Will's name being used as proof that yes. they have... aka Will existing is the proof.

Oh would you look here! Terry likes reading books on Bonsai trees? Wait, didn't Brenner open s4 as a Bonsai tree enthusiast? Also notice what Hopper at the end there? What did I tell you about that dad deja-vu It's almost like subconsciously he knows deep down that there is a connection to Terry and Brenner.

Seems like Terry knows something that someone doesn't want Joyce and Hopper (or the audience) to know... Almost like if she could actually respond to them, she would debunk/correct their assumptions. And so because she can't, the characters (and the audience) believe what is on the surface being told to us, while being forced to rewatch El's memories connected to her mother + Hopper's memories connected to his daughter, over and over in flashes... This is because despite what they're telling us, they're SHOWING us that there's obviously something we're still missing...

Hopper seeing Will's lion stuffed animal in castle byers and it triggering flashbacks of his daughter, n a gown that has clowns on it, matching the clowns in the baby nursery... Like, I don't?.. I just don't trust it? It reads as a mixture of true and false, just like El's flashbacks from Terry and the lab do.

And I'm sorry but, Owens? Oh, he knows something for sure... And there's that dad deja vu again. DUDE KNOWS SOMETHING IS OFF! HE KNOWS!

Also, I am a byler, and so I do agree in part with the byler implications fans have speculated over the years for El and Will's relationship being sort of pushed to obscurity, to represent Mike's struggle between his feelings for both of them...

But, lets really think about this for a second... Girl and boy, who are mirrored to each other for most of s1-2, don't even get properly introduced ever? Like it's just odd that it happens that way. It almost feels like they knew an introduction wouldn't have done them justice? It wouldn't have felt right for these characters, assuming we will all be going back and rewatching from a lens of them being twins and not knowing it? It also makes it a lot more interesting seeing them approach it in this way, where they're quite literally avoiding interactions between them at all costs, only for them to end up being siblings the moment they do start a real connection?

The 2 babies in between them... The keys... This has been a recurring theme since the first fucking episode ya'll, connecting all of these characters? Like, do I even have to say it..?

Will and John sitting in front of the Lucky Charms... Followed by El having deja vu, inspired by the Rainbow/Upside down horse shoe... Remind you of anyone?

Father of (micro)biology behind El, whose looking at Will, both with their matching wrist accessories (also matching Hopper's blue bracelet/watch being focused on for his introduction in the series pilot), and also with a literal Hopper diorama in front of her/between them...

Oh, and just this arguably unnecessary line, that barely even made sense in the context of the scene it was in...? Usually when this happens, it could be a hint that the whole reason it falls flat in the moment is because the true meaning lies somewhere else in a different moment, still yet to be revealed.

And then you know, there's this...

With all of that in mind, these tiny moments in particular, potentially connecting Jonathan's role in all of this, definitely have me side eying...

What part is he talking about? Part I or Part II? What timeline are we in again???!!

Is it explicit and in your face? No. Definitely not. BUT it's there and it arguably holds more weight consistently in terms of these characters all being tied together super intricately and also prioritized more than any of the other supposed parents, since the very beginning... and that seems like something that would make this revelation so fucking crazy, quite literally going full circle just like the Duffers and the actors have been saying the ending indeed accomplishes...

I am subject to be wrong about any and all of this! I am human! And I will be okay if I am wrong! Now, will you be okay with others theorizing? That is up to you my friend!

I do think that this theory does give off the vibe of the whole curtain metaphor in s2 though? How those willing to take a look behind the curtain aka consider byler for example, are going to be the same people that are going to be able to pick up on other things beyond that. Because if you're not willing to consider byler, that means you're going to have to subscribe to the claim that details don't matter, and therefore you're essentially blocking yourself from looking at anything deeper than surface level. Being willing to even look behind the curtain at all, would open the curtain behind that curtain. and the curtain behind that one, and I think behind byler, is Willel. It's like a plot twist within a plot twist. And same goes for Jopper being their biological parents.

Whether or not Jonathan is included in that, along with all of this theory as a whole, remains to be seen!

[house-of-lovin]

see im relatively new to tumblr so i don’t even know if this is how ur supposed to send stuff in but.. yolo!

Anyways since R is a singer/writer and her reputation is pretty bad rn.. in like any sort of upcoming song she has i feel like ANY song from Taylor swifts “reputation” album works (im also saying that bc i absolutely adore rep.) BUT im not biased I have evidence.

Look what you made me do - one of the lines in the song is “i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me, I’ll be the actress staring in your made dreams” THATS LITERALLY PERFECT BC PPL ARE STARTING TO NOT TRUST HER BC OF THE VEGAS SCANDAL, AND SHES AN ACTUAL ACTRESS!!

I did something bad - the title honestly speaks for itself. she taking the Vegas thing and reclaiming it as her own experience.. but making it positive

End game - “ohh, you and me, we got big reputations” her and j do indeed have very big reputations

So it goes - “getting caught up in the moment, lipstick on your face” her and j after R’s performance

Getaway car - “there were sirens in the beat of you heart” this might be a stretch buttt how R got arrested

Dress - “say my name and everything just stops. I don’t want you like a best friend, only bought this dress so you can take it off” I don’t feel like I even have to explain that

Dancing with our hands tied (my fav) - “i love you in spite of deep fear that the world would divide us” R being to scared to commit to J

Gorgeous- sooo many lines apply to R and J but I’m only gonna choose one. “And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way, but what can I say? your gorgeous.” once again, speaks for itself

Ready for it - “i know I’m gonna be with you so I’ll take my time” she knows her a J are gonna end up together so she’s fine with waiting

This is why we can’t have nice things - “Here's a toast to my real friends. They don't care about that he said, she said. And here's to my baby. He ain't reading what they call me lately” ofc we can change the wording to best fit

New Year’s Day- “please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere” cmon now..

Don’t blame me - “I’ve been breaking hearts a long time and toying with them older guys” cause yk we know about R past.. with multiple people.

Call it what you want - “all the liars are calling me one” idk that just seems like a jab at the authors of the articles written about her

Delicate - “this is for the best. My reputations never been worse so you must like me for me” that’s the most PERFECT way to describe R and J

King of my heart - “your love I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep” cause.. she’s literally grasping onto the 50% chance she has with J

Anyways that’s my analogy, sorry if I went to far. I do that sometimes but once again, yolo. But tbh i can make any song relate to R. Just tell me and I can and will do it. ALSO THIS WASNT TO PRESSURE U JUST TO CLARIFY. THIS SERIES IS YOURS AND UR COMPLETELY IN CHARGE!!

I'm def gonna listen to all of these songs !!!

but a lot of people have said reputation fits R & J well!!

[infiniteorangethethird]

(kskdkrkekd ignore my ask before i sent it on accident before i could finish it)

hiiii we haven't talked in a bit so this is me popping by

how have you been doing? :)

i have finished reading hamlet so i am going to reread i fell in love with hope any day now and give you your promised highly detailed essay. yay? also i have been seeing a therapist, idk if i told you about that and i'm pretty sure that's a yay!! she's very nice

question time!! i miss your aro fic so i decided to ask something regarding that. firstly, can i ask why are there different mating systems? like, what is the in-world explanation and/or what is the narrative purpose? (idk if that's too much spoiler, you can just answer in private if you want or not answer at all, whatever you seem fit)

other question is about björn bc i love him. does he like musicals too?? i know you said you, yourself are not that into theatre but if yes, do you have an idea what types of musicals would be his fav?

that's all for now i think. you answer when you answer, if you want to at all - as always. no pressure!!

bye-bye (´^_^)ノ

hiiiii sorry this took me so long to get around to, I've finally started on my summer job and I can count my free seconds on just one hand 😭 otherwise I'm mostly fine, bit preoccupied with getting obsessed over various crochet projects and trying not to lose my sanity over them lmao

oh I am so looking forward to that essay of yours, it's been a hot moment since I read I fell in love with hope so perhaps this is a call for me to reread it as well. I'd say we should do a race to see who can finish sooner but I get the feeling neither of us needs any kind of extra stress right now, lol. And I'm glad to hear you found a good therapist! I remember you mentioned you were looking for one, so happy to hear that turned out nicely!

Imma be honest, it's been a hot moment since I thought abt my aro fic 😅 other projects came up and then I started working on Absolutely Nothing At All, so that one has been kinda put on the backburner lately - it's probably a good thing you're reminding me of it, then. Tbh I don't remember if I had any specific reason for multiple mating systems, I think I just wanted to represent many of them to say: no, the problem isn't with one specific system, the problem is with the idea itself. Then again I have been considering going through every idea I had thus far again and sort of "restarting" bc I wasn't entirely happy with what I came up with thus far, so who knows. Maybe next time you ask I will stick with just one system lol.

Oh yeah Björn is a really funny guy I love him too, for some reason I imagine he would be the type of person who loves musicals but purely for their music, and otherwise has zero clue as to what the musical is actually about. He would listen to the soundtrack on 24/7 loop but if someone came up to him like "actually this musical is about [plot]" he would give you the most confused surprised pikachu face. (What kind would be his favorite, I am honestly not sure)

man I really should think about getting back to writing this Thang I have been putting it off for so long I'm already forgetting things about it 😭

Anyway, how are you doing? I hope everything's going fine with you this summer break and that ur resting at least a little bit (and that your brain hasn't boiled yet in the heat lmao). Doing anything interesting lately?

[eliotquillon]

16, 17, 33, 36?

16: What is one of your favorite words or phrases to use in writing?

i really like the word 'prepossessing' as a way to describe beauty! Haven't used it in a while, but it used to be one of my most-used adjectives lmao. i also love a good well-timed 'fuck' for emphasis. Phrases is trickier, but i like to use a 'too (something), not (something enough)' structure when doing character studies - i've been writing a lot of witherward fic lately, and a lot of it feels very same-y bc I tend to fall back on it whenever i'm characterising cassia (my beautiful insecure princess....)

17: What trope is your favourite to write?

IDK if it counts as a trope but 'messy blurring the lines between friendship/romance' is UP THERE for me. i find a way to work it into most of what i write tbh. more concretely, i loooove writing fake dating and friends to lovers. I am a lover at heart!!

33: Which of your fic titles is your favorite?

HMM i take most of my fic titles from songs/poems i like already so this is tricky. 'push notifications on' is probably up there as one of my faves (even if the fic itself isn't) bc it fits nicely with the social media au and it's catchy. for comedy reasons i could also nominate 'for the rain it raineth every day' because i wrote and titled that fic years ago and it came back to haunt me recently when i was in a production of twelfth night + was also writing one of my coursework essays on it and i kept jumping out of my skin whenever i saw that line in the play because i associated it solely with my silly ouran high school host club fanfiction. my actual favourite probably is 'culled a new excuse' though. i love the franny choi poem it's taken from + i think it fits the contents of the fic so well + that fic is one of my favourite things i've ever written (which shouldn't give the title extra points, but, yk. It does!)

36: Have you ever written a fic because you were inspired by a song?

YEAH. see above for the fact i steal most of my fic titles from songs anyway. weirdly most of my 'inspired by song' fics happen to be alex rider ones (i say weirdly because i have multiple hive and witherward playlists) - 'the end's not near' takes its title from a song by the new year but the mood of that fic is specifically inspired by 'inside out' by duster, 'but it's your actions that speak louder' is basically a snippet from what was going to be a songfic (in the very class fanfiction.net sense of inserting lyrics to break up scenes) to i love you so by the walters, 'you know my heart (can't take the break)' takes its title and mood from loverboy by a-wall. outside of alex rider: 'apologies on the intercom' is semi-inspired by last words of a shooting star by mitski, although that's mostly because the snippet of aftg extra content that inspired it kinda lines up with that song in terms of vibe anyway; a lot of my ohshc fics are inspired by the show's score (most explicitly 'menuet of innocence', which is names after one of the show's instrumental pieces); much of my early 2017-18 aftg fic was inspired by whatever musical theatre i was into at the time. now that i look back on it i think the only fandom i write regularly for that hasn't had a fic explicitly influenced by music is HIVE, which is funny since it's my most written-for fandom. i think that's probably because i have enough permanent hive brainrot anyway that my brain tries to make space for other fandoms by saving songs Just For Them lmao.

tysm for the ask!

[misc-obeyme]

barb/mams 🤝 solo/mams

making us brainrot

YES I LOVE SEEING YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR PIANO !! YOUR ANSWER WAS SUPER HELPFUL FR!! something bout seeing someone passionate about something makes me happy, I got a lot of good info!!

i was afraid to venture into spotify without knowledge, so I'm def gonna be looking up those composers!! this is all for the cafe au akwkdjf

tbh i was thinking about having Solomon play at the cafe when he's not in school. Mammon will not let him into the kitchen after Solomon tried cooking breakfast, and mixed up the salt/sugar and set off the fire alarm. It might be he plays at the record store when it's open late?? i have yet to decide, i

now I'm thinking about fob and how patrick had a piano medley thing every night. I wonder if they actually transported the piano. That's crazy if they did!

I love the essays 😭 gimme all the essays. We can yap together !! Lmaoo. I'll take anything! I was just afraid of being a bother akwkdjf

I made it to lesson 75, and I haven't written much. I've been sleeping most of the trip. I think we're like two hours away? I'm determined to get the fic done by next week!!

- ✨ anon (tentatively coming off anon?!)

Honestly it's been such a curse lately like I can't stop thinking about it!!

AH! I'm glad that my ramblings were helpful! I would also recommend looking up classical playlists on Spotify - they have some good ones! I like the ones that are labeled as "dark academia" just because they have a lot of good classical pieces!

LOL oh nooo Solomon setting off the fire alarm, of course he got the salt and sugar confused! I suppose in a non-magic human au, he can't necessarily make magical food that could kill people? But I do suspect his food would continue to be generally inedible.

To be honest, the places I've most often seen a random piano being played by someone just for ambiance are department stores and fancy restaurants. BUT how often do we see independent cafes with live music? Like they get some local guitar guy to sit under some fairy lights and strum that acoustic, you know what I mean? Admittedly, a piano is more difficult. Unless they already have one in there all the time, a musician would only bring their own to a small space like that if it's a keyboard, probably. Something they can transport, you know? I imagine most cafes are too small for a grand piano, but they could easily fit an upright in one. Kinda like a bar with an upright piano in it, you know?

UH but I'm getting rambling over here. I've thought about this because I have Arrie play the piano in a cafe so I was like WHAT are the logistics of this? I decided to go with the idea that the cafe has its own piano and a fairly large space, too.

They might have! I think musicians that have a specific piano that they're known for playing probably do this the most. For instance, Liberace pretty famously used mirrored grand pianos. He had multiple, but he would still need to have had them transported if he wanted to use only one of his mirrored ones for a live performance. Here's a picture of one that's in a fancy hotel in London now.

That being said, I do think it's a pretty common practice if you've already got a whole road crew anyway. You would probably only need one person to know how to take the piano apart and tune it, then a handful of guys to carry it around, you know?

Well, here's another essay already! I just have many thoughts about this particular topic - anything with pianos is going to give you essays from me lol.

Oh yeahhh you can totally get through the story, I believe in you!! And of course, the story will flow the way it's meant to, that's what I always say! Sometimes you just gotta let it happen at its own pace~

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come off anon! 💕💕

[thickness-protection-program]

I know you’re ace and not aro, so you’re probably not the right person to ask, but do you know how one would be able to tell if they were aro? I only ask because I’ve been seriously thinking that I’m on the aro spectrum lately, but I have no idea if I’m really aro or if it’s just something else going on. And you seem so confident in who you are and it’s helping other people be comfortable with who they are, and since the ace and aro communities are often considered close together I thought maybe you might be able to offer some wisdom. People are still really weird about ace/ aro people on here so I’m nervous to branch out and look for that community tbh. Anyway, no worries if you don’t really think you can help me, and I hope you’re having a lovely day either way

Hmm yeah I don't think I'm totally the right person to ask since I am romantically/physically attracted to multiple genders and although I am in close proximity I can't speak on the aro experience. But I can say from my own experience certain events gave me hints or suspicions I might be ace but it wasn't until I reflected on previous thoughts and patterns when I was like yeah I'm definitely ace. And I recommend if labels per ce are giving you any extra concerns then don't worry about what label you fit under just yet and just learn what you do and don't like. If I have any aros in the chat please feel free to give some advice!

And yeah I'm completely aware this site still isn't totally ace friendly and a lot of people here still have a lot to learn about aces. They've understood sexuality is a spectrum but failed to realize the lack of sexuality is also a spectrum. But I'm here for you if you ever need another ace to talk to! I wouldn't say I'm totally put together myself but we both can learn about ourselves and maybe I can learn more about aros too

[kpophubb]

Heyyy it's me!

Your Hee anonie~ ♡☆

Sooo I was gonna complete the Hee angst but writing is a very hard job and I am very lazy. BUT I will FINISH IT. Also 😗 i just have been in a very Jake mood lately.

Ok so when I first got to know about Enha. Jake was my bias. He immediately caught my eye and then I heard him speak in his aussie accent and 😳😭👌💓🙏

And now I back to my Jake Phase.

Also also I love his Korean name. Like Jaeyun is such a pretty name and ngl I like more than Jake. Like imagine calling him Jaeyun ahhh tbh I'd totally call him Jaeyun over Jake anyday (no hate to any Jake out there) (love to all the Jakes)(Jake from Subway Surfer) (Jake Peralta from Brooklyn 9 9) but JAEYUN !!

Also I have some very 💞💖 pics of Jaeyun but I can't share them with you on anon 😭😭 what do I do 💀 send them over ig ?? Find the Twitter links idk 😖 ugh I wish tumblr would let anons share media ://

Anyway how are you?? How's the break going ?? 😁

Praying for you that future Enha tours include Malaysia and that you are able to see them MULTIPLE times ⏲️🙏❤️

Hihi my hee anonie 🥺🫶🏻 welcome back my lady!! I can understand how tiring writing can be mygod so it’s okay you finish it WHENEVER you want, there’s absolutely no pressure. <3 jaeyun?!😳 please this is my top 10 greatest weaknesses in life I’m not kidding. It’s such a pretty name, istg and I blush so much everytime I read it or try to say it….👉🏻👈🏻 it sounds so nice and gentle, and suits jake sm!! I’d be deceased and turn into a blushing mess if I ever tried calling him that FOR REAL. 😵‍💫 I’m not a very shy person tbh, I’m quite bold and say everything on my mind really easily but….this..one..name…shhssjnsudnsjsjsjsjsjs!! 💥🫣🫠💘💘

Awww🥺 we must all love and care for our jakey!! I love it sm when we all show him love and appreciate him and talk nice about him. He truly deserves special treatment from every single one of us bc he’s so special!! <33 >~<

my first bias of enhypen was sunoo!! I became an engene during the border:carnival era so seeing sunoo’s sketchy appearance during that time made me absolutely i n s a n e. I really liked anime eboys all my life- the ones with black painted nails, lots of piercings and metal earrings, smokey eyes, silver/white hair and black leather fits!! So when I saw sunoo, my jaw dropped. It was a selca and I immediately started looking up which band he was in..and then I listened to drunk dazed and was hooked. Basically that’s how I started knowing them and fell in love with them all……! Which era did you become an engene anonie??

Ikr this option is so so annoying like why can’t anons send media -.- my other anon sends me the links of those pictures on Pinterest and I view them there. You can send me in whichever way you like and are comfortable with🖤 I’m currently…a little tired? I had 3 fics scheduled for this week but😅 my mom had a surgery recently so she’s bedridden atm and I’m nursing her (I love caring for people and nursing in general, and she’s my beloved mom so yeah.) by the end of the day, I’m TOO TIRED to do anything else so I just pass out and sleep.

How about you? Is your break over anonie? I hope you had/have lots of fun🥺 and smiled a lot during this time :) <3 thank you sm for dropping by my love, and MULTIPLE TIMES GETTING TO SEE ENHA?😭 you have no idea my eyes just teared up from happiness..this was so so sweet. T~T

[autumnrory]

was worried i was leaving TOO early and wouldn't spend long in the boutique and would be left hanging around before i could go over to my friend's house but i wanted to account for parking which thankfully there was a space in the free lot bc i didn't wanna park on the street

but anyway ended up spending more time than i expected at the boutique anyway just bc i had So Many things to try on and a couple things i tried multiple times just really debating it (felt bad because it was busy in there and i guess there was a bit of a wait in the dressing rooms, i rarely go shopping on saturdays and i guess since they had a special sale it was extra chaos), did find both the dresses i was looking for, but only one was in my size (insane to get that in a large and the other would've needed to be a small like yes one is fitted and one is not but STILL i hate that clothing sizes are such a guessing game even more with dresses i think) and the other isn't in that size on the site i guess i could've asked if they might have it in stock at another store but i just didn't wanna take the time when i had to go, but i have it set to notify me if it comes back online so that's something

but anyway when i went to try on she asked about jeans and i was like okay whatever (that's the thing about stores like that is they try to convince you of stuff like sometimes it's not too aggressive but ya know still) and she got me a white wide leg pair with lining and i didn't look that hard at them bc 1. they're like $80 and 2. that wasn't what i was looking to get, their deal was $35 off your purchase, not tiered or a percentage off so it's like more than two items would've been so expensive, but idk if they were meant to be cropped on a regular person (the way some midi skirts and dresses are just maxi length on me) but they hit at the bottom of my leg rather than being too long like i honestly did not hate it and i've basically only worn skinny jeans since i was 12, i did NOT like flare jeans and don't understand how people wear them unless they're really tall/wear heels like they'll just drag on the ground and you can't cuff them the way you can skinny jeans or other tapered jeans, i have one secondhand pair that i think are maybe straight leg but other tan that it's alllll skinny so it's like okay well maybe i CAN consider other things more likely at american eagle or somewhere who has extra short options so they are the right length without requiring heels but it was just so unexpected like oh these are actually kind of nice, i should've looked harder to see how much the lining really worked because if i could wear white jeans without thinking in advance about the right underwear that would be so great tbh

but i got one of the dresses i wanted (the one thing i don't like is it has tie straps and i would rather the normal adjustable straps but i have done it before) and then a pretty spring jacket that was on sale, got my coffee, spent a couple hours at my friend's house and got to catch up and meet her sweet little baby (far too late omg she's almost a year old) and go for a walk together and it was all in all a pretty lovely day

[marin3llyells]

Unto the first days of a new year; 2024.

Spent a whole day with the family at Indang, Cavite wherein the place was not crowded as if we got it for ourselves. I honestly loved the idea that we only planned to go out but without specific plans on what activities to do or even having a specific place to go to. I even got to realized that I was no good at navigating google maps as we have missed turns since I was not able to direct which turns to take, during that time I was always late to say it out loud and the google map needs to re-route multiple times.

Still we ended up to a place wherein it actually fits our preference of being able to avoid heavy traffic and crowded place. It was so peaceful.

Peaceful— I meant, good food, time well spent away from all our usual routine and errands such as school works for my siblings and work for my parents and I. We were also able to enjoy our own "thing" such as painting and journaling for myself. Took lovely photos as well! And best part was, got to play monoply as initiated by our bunso, Bing. 🤍 (she won btw!)

Our January first was really a good recharge as I was also able to return to work with a fresh start. I was able to perform sessions with my students as if di ko ramdam yung pagod. My heart was definitely happy. This continued for few more days after.

One thing I also appreciate was receiving a gift from my brother. We've been talking about dressing up, improving outfit styles lately, and yep, I was taught to going back to basics. I've been receiving jeans from him which definitely was a step forward for me in embracing other styles than my usual fitted jeans and a shirt.

Sagot niya one basic top from a brand I would've never buy from as a kuripot sa sarili, or probably it was still something I'm working on for myself. This time tho, I bought 2 more shirts that time alone. Thanks to my brother for encouraging. I love being reminded unconsiously to do better on treating myself other than buying myself coffee most of the time. It actually motivated me in gaining more self confidence, lalo nung nakikita ko sarili ko sa isang malaking mirror during fitting. Sakto pang may new body mirror ako since mama and dad tried to save a mirror from a vintage cabinet na inaanay, sakin na lang raw. Siempre yes na yes agad! Placed it in my room and took photos as I pair the shirts I bought with another short I got on a thrift shop with my brother few months back. Reading a message (as feedback lol) "bagay nga" was a big yey moment for me, lalo di ako usually nagsusuot ng ganung klaseng outfit dati.

Anyways...

I'm really looking forward that this year will motivate me to do more, be encouraged to better on both small and big things. Lalo na hearing mama saying, "24 ka na". It was definitely a reminder that I have to face adult life. (Scary, tbh!!!)

By the next few days; even months, I know I'm still preparing for more attempts on improvements and embracing challenges. Yes, I'm still scared, but as one of my aunties say, "It has to be done".

Good thing I found new bunch of people that could potentially be part of venturing a new journey. Sana nga nakaka-motivate rin ako para sa ibang taong nakakasalamuha ko.

For now, I'll yell for motivating myself and shoo away my negative thoughts.

Ewan ko, siguro tama rin namang mapagod sa pagiging takot na mag-stay sa comfort zone at failures na nangyari. Surely, it's happening to simply see how far we'll get.

I'm happy to share that fear is what could remind as that there are some things we still value, which potentially will help us to do better. Kaya takot, kasi may halaga at gusto kasi talaga natin mga bagay na yun.

I'll definitely get back to this, hopefully, in a way that I'm already done with just dwelling with the past and already celebrating what "attempts" of doing better has good results already. Yung masasabing may bunga na lahat, klaro na kung bakit nangyayari mga di inaasahan.

Cheers to our attempts for the past year of surviving. Let's kickstart with a fresh one—mindset ba!

[meg2md]

(Very small The White Lotus season 1 spoilers?)

It's BROILING in my room right now. Just, fucking broiling. I think it's in the single digits outside but my parents' house is old and this room is way way way too hot so my window is open...

I know I've journaled a lot about this lately but I just turned 31 so it's on my mind... man, 30/2022 was WILD. This time last year, I would never have guessed in a thousand lifetimes that I'd have broken off my ENGAGEMENT with my partner of 9 years, gotten dumped by my rebound (lol), and ended up in a city in a completely different state for residency instead of getting married and staying in my home state. My life took a DRAMATIC change, and now I'm living this completely separate reality from what I'd been imagining for not only all of medical school, but the entirety of my long-term relationship. Wild. Bonkers. Unfathomable. Who am I?

Multiple of my friends have said it and I was thinking it: 30 had MAJOR tower vibes. (Lol tarot is a thing I get into every once in awhile.) It was a year of burning everything to the fucking ground. SHWOOP. Fuckin GONE. And I'm currently re-living the trauma of my ?dis-engagement/(first) breakup, because it all started to come up in full force about this time last year. December 2021 through January 2022.... yeah.... I still get nightmares. Even as the one who broke it off, it was the HARDEST thing I have ever done. Period. It makes me sick to my stomach. Knowing what I know now (even though it was the right choice), I don't think I could do it again because it was just too painful. I was watching The White Lotus season 1 with my brother today, and there were moments in Rachel Patton's story line that made my stomach churn because I have felt those feelings. Things could have gone very differently for me. Like, I could have been her: "I'm happy. I'll be happy, I promise."

In my head cannon, they don't last very long after the airport.

Anyway, in light of this I had my friend do a tarot reading for this coming year, 31/2023. I burned things to the ground, but in the aftermath maybe something beautiful can blossom? "When a horrific loss uproots us, we leave pieces of us behind in the soil, the structure on which we built our identity reduced to nothing more than an absent appendage, left behind to rot... [but] rotting [becomes] a means to transform." (In Shock, Rana Awdish). It's super corny, but I've always identified with cycles of death and rebirth. For example, how the fuck did I go from almost failing out of college to being an actual obstetrician/gynecologist? Um, what? How did I go from massively struggling with binge eating to being a super healthy (almost athletic) weight for almost a decade without much trouble?? And most recently, how did I go from being engaged to my partner of nine years (and spending all nine years trying to convince myself I'd be happy having kids) to being SINGLE??? Free?? Unshackled??? In a new state? My whole life was once scripted and now it's UNWRITTEN. It's great. It's horrible. I'm excited. I'm fucking terrified.

30 was bonkers, but I think it set the groundwork for me to have some MAJOR growth at 31. I asked my friend to do a reading outlining the coming year and how I can take advantage of the chaos I've created. A brief synopsis of my reading (to help me process): the part of me most prominent now is dominated by swords. Typical tbh hahaha. Bound, chained, conflicted. While I recently broke those chains, my wounds are still weeping, and I'm still stuck in place by the pain that ripping free from them caused. My past and future are wands: the past is largely conflict, comparisons with others, and competition; the future is me rising above that and finding contentment and balance within myself. I consciously focus on external forces (my career, new friendships, hobbies, fitness) while subconsciously I'm still riddled with addictions and temptations - specifically in this situation, CO-DEPENDENCE. This year I need to work on being the person who is there for me!! And ultimately, I think I have the fire under my ass to do it. The ultimate outcome of the situation is that I find balance with myself - that pentacles card that indicates reciprocal relationships signifies the relationship I will build with myself.

Ultimately a very positive reading!!! But one that indicates the time ahead is going to be hard. Boy howdy, it's already been hard. And not only am I re-living the break-up with my long-term partner, but my more recent break-up is intermittently fucking me up still. But, "Love arrives exactly when it needs to; love leaves when it must."

SO. Some goals for myself in the coming weeks as I enter 31 and 2022 comes to a close:

workout 2x/week

continue catching up on all things Cosmere

finish Melancholy of Mechagirl

finish On a Sunbeam

COOK FOOD

keep house clean

On a closing note, can't believe I have to go back to work in 2 days. It's criminal. Wish me luck driving 4.5 hours back to residency in this fucking blizzard weather :')

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing xv. | m

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: oral (m receiving), jk and oc in their feelings :c, fluff n cuteness tbh

words: 7, 816

summary: a series of drabbles where you’re confused and jungkook’s confusing

a/n:

im so sorry for the late update but it's finally here!!! it's been a hectic few weeks w my exam preparation coming right around the corner too :c

anyway!!!! we've got some smut after a while 👀so for visual purposes pls imagine jk from the butter mv, specifically his hair and eyebrow piercing ...

i hope you enjoy this chapter !!!

Safety was a very important aspect of your life. Everything that you did, you always weighed the realistic possibilities of you regretting your decision; mind running at one hundred miles per hour while you drew a mental mind map of every possible outcome you could possibly predict. It was exhausting to have your mind immediately come up with worst-case scenarios where the risk was realistically a meagre five per cent against the other ninety-five, but you were a chronic overthinker by nature.

You steered far from doing things that would end up causing more harm to you and your environment because you knew that there was no actual reason why you could justify getting completely wasted at a party. If it was for fun—surely, you’d vehemently oppose that the next morning.

Your friends, or even anyone who knew of you; always lamented you for your tendency to remain in your bubble. You knew that overall, you were an overthinker and that most of the time—nothing of what you conjured would actually happen purely because, well—your friends are still alive, and so were you. You just missed out on ‘fun’.

But old habits died hard. Maybe that was why the most reckless and impulsive thing that you did—was with Jungkook.

Out of all your friends, Jungkook was the one person that really did whatever he could get his hands, feet or body to do.

He was very determined by nature and a natural daredevil at that. You remember on multiple occasions where he and his family went on a family vacation, and he came back with stories of his adventures swinging from the top of a cliff upside down, getting a snake to wrap itself around his neck—and by far the most impulsive one, returning with a small tattoo of said snake on the back of his neck.

Jungkook was so unpredictable that neither of your friends could ever tell what he’d do next. And you supposed that added to his charm, but it didn’t take away from the five stages of absolute shock that you’d go through when you witness another one of his unpredictable tendencies.

Like right now.

“Please say something,” he laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck while you can only gape at him.

“Purple.” You blurt.

He blinks before his eyes dart upwards as his finger twiddles a few strands of hair between them.

“Yeah,” he hums, “It looks a little blue in some lights, though.”

You nod your head slowly, still processing what is probably the lesser surprising one between the two things that have you double-taking at his figure when you first greeted him at your door.

“That’s … not all,” you say slowly.

Jungkook offers you a lopsided grin that stirs something in your belly, and you don’t know if it’s his hair, or the fact that he’s starting to wear shorter sleeves as the weather begins to get hotter; his tattoos on display as it trails upon his arm—or if it was because of the—

“Eyebrow piercing?” He raises a brow, particularly the one with the eyebrow piercing as it glints under the natural sunlight that filters in the hallway, “So. Do you like it?” He asks, smile still small as he leans in for you to get a better look.

Your breath hitches when his face gets closer, but not enough for it to be insinuative in any way. It was just you and your weak-willed nature whenever it came to Jungkook. You hoped that he wasn’t able to see the way that your ears undoubtedly redden under the proximity.

“What matters is if you like it, Jungkook,” you remind him softly, shyly looking down to your feet.

He sighs, resting an arm against your doorway in a way that makes him look as large as the width of your door. His gaze is still calm and steady, lips curled ever so slightly as he rests his eyes on you.

“I know. But I care if you like it or not,” he retorts.

You scoff, waving him off, but a small grin still threatens itself onto your face.

“Well you shouldn’t,” you huff.

“Why not?” He hums as he cards a hand through his hair. Even if it’s a bright colour and you’re sure that it required copious amounts of bleach and hours at the salon to get the final result—it still looks soft when he swifts through the locks.

“Because,” you lull, “My opinion doesn’t matter. If you like it and you think it’s pretty then that’s more than enough.”

He clicks his tongue against his cheek before his eyes dart down. You’re still avoiding his gaze because you weren’t ready to have your senses assaulted with the way he’s crowding you in the doorway of your own home.

“You’re trying really hard not to compliment me right now,” he teases.

“I am not!” You splutter, ears turning red. Your eyes dart to your feet. “… but if it matters then … I like it. It’s pretty.”

Jungkook’s grin is nothing short of wide when his head reaches out to smooth your hair out of your face that forces you to look up at him. You attempt to keep your heart beat at bay, even if the way he looks pleased with your futile trial of complimenting him. In reality, you thought it looked more than just pretty. Jungkook looked … hot. He was already attractive as he was, and his confident yet quiet nature made him exponentially hotter—but his long, purple hair and the new eyebrow piercing just made him even sexier.

“It matters.” He smiles, cocking his head to the side as you bashfully step aside to allow him to enter your apartment.

He settles in like he’s the missing piece to the lonely nights you spend on your dining table studying away for a test or an exam. And you suppose that Jungkook’s always fit right in, wherever you were. He was a comfortable presence in your life, even when the two of you were in high school and he’d come over for tutoring lessons. Or when it’d be just you and him in your mother’s car while you taught him how to drive.

Jungkook’s somehow always filled in the other seat in your life when there called for two. Even when you note that he still sits on one foot while the other hangs off the couch, a habit he’s had since he was young, or the way that he’s still stupidly polite not to sprawl himself across your couch like Jimin and Taehyung did whenever they were over. Jungkook’s always been there and you were always there to see.

“So … what’s up?” His voice interrupts the daydream that got you a little more soft than you’d like. You shake your head as you shut the door behind you, turning around to fully face Jungkook.

“The ceiling?” You reply lamely, a soft chuckle escaping your lips when you see him roll his eyes.

“Ha ha,” he mocks, “I meant if there was anything you wanted to talk about. You know—since you texted me to come over.” He finishes with a raise of his brow.

You still as your brain processes his words. You did text him first. You had just finished a lengthy meeting with the student union and didn’t feel like studying just yet—and you just so happened to have been thinking about Jungkook when you caught a glimpse of your phone (when were you not).

You didn’t have a reason, even if your conscience would argue that you did and it was because you missed him. Even if you were the one that needed time. Your heart and mind wanted two different things, but they both revolved around Jungkook. So, you compromised and settled for a simple text.

“I don’t know,” you mumble, shuffling towards your couch as you plop in the loveseat across from him.

He ogles the way that you chose a seat that wasn’t the one that he was sat on. He doesn’t point it out, though. Instead, a firm line settles on his lips before he leans back to your couch, eyes still trained on your figure.

“You don’t need to sound so shy,” he says, “I’ll always come if you’re the one that’s asking.”

Your eyes widen when your head darts up. When you look at him, you swear that you’d melt because he was looking at you with mirth dancing in his eyes. The somewhat dim lighting of your living room made him look so … cosy. He looked more comfortable, probably knowing that you weren’t going to nag at him for manspreading at the way you can only stare. You don’t know if it’s on purpose but you’re sure it is—but Jungkook’s eyebrow piercing is strategically exposed when he raises a brow, flicking his bangs aside. Your brain short-circuits.

“It’s not—I’m not—I’m not …” You stutter when he catches you looking like a deer caught in headlights. But all he does is let out a deep chuckle before reaching an arm out.

You stare at the arm that extends itself, eyes trailing up the limb as you gawk at his tattoos. He wasn’t one to flaunt, even though he didn’t pretend like he didn’t have any. So even your friends didn’t catch much of his tattoos unless he was at the gym or changing during practices with the way he practically lived in long sleeves. But now, it was just you and him, in your living room while he practically invites you over with his smile and doe eyes.

“Come ere’,” he mumbles as you continue to stare, “Next to me, please.”

You blink a few times when you realise that he’s beckoning you over with the arm that’s extended. You buffer for a second when he continues to smile at you with that easy grin of his, the one that’s both able to calm you and reduce you into a mess of nerves. But after a few beats, your limbs start moving at their own accord as you push yourself off the couch, slowly inching towards Jungkook and the empty spot next to him where you plop down into.

“Here?” You ask softly.

He laughs, and it’s a nice sound. Your mind had been muffled ever since he first showed up with that new hairstyle of his and that Godforsaken eyebrow piercing, and now when he looks at you like you were the only thing that he’s ever wanted—your heart can’t take it.

“Closer.” He encourages with a tilt of his head. Then, he delivers the final blow. “Just wanna hold you.”

You freeze, hands stilling on the plush of your couch as you were about to shift closer. The words are still processing in your mind even if you knew exactly what he said and what he meant. The heat on your face was definitely proof of that.

“Oh my God, don’t just say that!” You cry, burying your head into the back of the couch when you turn away from him.

Jungkook’s still laughing at you, hands clutching his stomach instead of trying to reach out for you as you whine into the fabric. He was killing you and your poor heart, and he was doing a damn good job at it. He didn’t need to do much because his presence was always enough to reduce you to absolutely nothing and a pile of mush.

It was this ambiguous back and forth that you’ve settled into with Jungkook after your last serious conversation that had your heart weaker and softer than ever. Every moment you spent with him, even in the crowd of your friends—you knew what you wanted. But there was still an irrational (and insecure) part of you that wanted to wait. To see if he actually meant his confession or was he driven by desperation to keep a friend close.

You should’ve had faith in Jungkook the way he blindly and willingly put in you. Even if you were the more unstable one between the two of you. But your mind worked endlessly to remind you of what the two of you shared, and who you had to share him with—and how she was everything that you weren’t.

“I’m sorry!” He laughs, and you feel a hand reach around your waist to tug you upwards as you squeak at his show of strength. “Was that too much?” He asks softly when you’re facing him, face definitely still flushed as you avoid his face and opt to stare at the chain around his neck.

Even that was making your insides feel funny.

“No …” You mumble, leaning forward until your forehead is pressed against his chest as his fingers drum against your waist. “I’m just shy.”

He chuckles.

“You don’t have to be shy.” He tells you, “It’s just me.”

You blink up and narrow your eyes at him.

“That’s not fair! You can’t just turn up to my house looking like—that—and expect me to be fine!” You huff, gesturing towards his entire frame as he simply listens with an amused raise of his brow.

He tilts his head to the side and even has the audacity to look confused when he smirks at you.

“Me? What did I do? It’s just hair dye and a piercing.”

You huff.

“It’s just hair dye and a piercing,” you repeat in a low voice, clearly meant to represent him as his face scrunches adorably at your impression of him.

“That’s not how I sound like.” He deadpans.

You stick your chin up snootily with a satisfied smile.

“You so do. You sound that dumb with what you just said.” You retort petulantly.

Jungkook stares at you for one long second before he’s pulling you flush against his chest with a wide grin on his face as he attempts to smother you with his arm. You squeal when you feel his fingers around your waist as he squeezes the flesh. He manoeuvres his way around your body until you’re perched on his lap, hands reaching out against his chest so that you could establish some distance (which you fail miserably at).

The room is filled with your gasps and Jungkook’s cackles, and with the way he’s crowding your body with his own—all you can smell is Jungkook. He smells fresh, as always. Especially since he chooses to opt-out of cologne and pays favourable attention to the type of laundry detergent, body wash and shampoo that he uses that gives him the boyish, clean and charming natural scent that he has. And it drives you insane.

So when you look up at him through your lashes in a break when Jungkook’s heaving at how he’s attempted to tickle you, and all you can see is how good he looks with his purple hair paired with the way he unconsciously licks at his lips to wet them; and the eyebrow piercing and tattoos. You melt—and so does your filter.

“Can I suck your dick?”

Granted, that isn’t a question you pose after he’s just tickled you in good faith while giggling away with his doe-eyes, or even the way his hands are placed at a respectful distance away from your bum. And it definitely isn’t a question that Jungkook’s expecting because his eyes shoot wide open, while his foot kicks up hard enough that it crashes against your coffee table.

“W-What?!” He cries, hands gripping your shoulder to push you away so that he can get a proper look at your face.

And it’s on fire.

But you can’t take back your words, especially when Jungkook’s looking like he demands some sort of explanation.

“I—I …” You stutter but your body is lax in his, and your thighs are still straddling Jungkook’s. You aren’t stupid or that naive, so you definitely know the firmness that presses against your inner thigh is a sign that he’s not opposed to your proposition.

Before you can say anything with how your mouth fails you, Jungkook snaps up until your foreheads nearly crash against each other as he presses his palms against your cheeks, staring you intently in the eye until you’re squirming under the scrutiny.

“I don’t hate it.” He assures you softly, but his eyebrows are furrowed. “But I need to hear it from you that you know what you’re saying.”

You blink at him and all Jungkook does is wait for you patiently. What were you saying? That you wanted to suck his dick? You did. You wanted to do a lot of things to and with Jungkook. Curse him for turning up looking the way he did and meddling with your restraint on needing time. But there was a brewing feeling of need in your chest that wants to please Jungkook, that wants to see him quiver under your tongue the way he has had you before. They weren’t all pleasant memories, purely because your poor heart has had to fight to disassociate your feelings from pleasure when you couldn’t do it.

But you’ve never made Jungkook feel good, at least in the way he was able to do for you.

“I-I—” you mumble, eyes darting everywhere but Jungkook’s gaze doesn’t waver at all. You take a deep breath, nibbling on your lips as your eyes dart up to the ceiling before they return to his face. He’s still waiting. “I want to. I really do.” You assure him, your own hands reaching out to clutch at his collar.

Jungkook’s cock twitches in his pants, and you feel it. You give an experimental swivel of your hips because you know it must feel good for Jungkook. And it does with the way his breath hitches, but his hands leave your face to grab at your hips to stop your motions. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, but all Jungkook does is sigh.

“You don’t have to …” he whispers, “I—you said you needed time and I don’t want to ruin this. What we have.”

You purse your lips.

“I know I said I needed time but I want to, Jungkook,” you tell him seriously, “What happened before was a product of our miscommunication but it’s different now,” your eyes are firm when they stare into his, your face leaning forward for emphasis, “Unless you don’t want me to—”

“Baby, no,” he reaches out to pull you closer to his chest, “I do. God—I can’t think of anything else but … I don’t want to fuck this up.” His eyes flutter shut as he rests his forehead against your breast bone. It’s not sexual at all, and you can hear the genuine frustration that laces Jungkook’s voice.

“You won’t,” you say softly, reaching a hand through his hair, “I want to learn. I want to learn how to make you feel good too.” You whisper.

Jungkook releases a low groan that makes your stomach clench in desire. You realise that throughout the escapades that the two of you have engaged in, you were the vocal one purely in the sense that you were whining, moaning and sobbing in pleasure at Jungkook’s doing. But Jungkook was vocal in the way he spoke to you. Even if it was mean and you found yourself crying after it happened because he pretended that you didn’t exist—there was something about the way he guides you through your highs in that raspy voice of his that made you cum harder each time.

“You’re serious?” He asks, finally looking up to confirm with you.

You nod your head.

“Dead.”

He nibbles on his lips, as his eyebrows scrunch in focus. He was heavily contemplating your offer and even if you never propositioned any male to suck his dick before, you’ve never heard of a case where they’d be hesitant to receive one. But you and Jungkook were different. You knew what you felt for him, and he knew what he felt for you—and somehow that made your odd request all the more important for the both of you.

“We’ll be okay, right?” He asks hesitantly, afraid. Your eyes soften as you nod.

“I want this, Jungkook.” You tell him again, and you’d repeat it as much as you can for him to know.

He sighs deeply.

“If at any point you feel … overwhelmed … just say the word and we’ll stop, okay?” He says, holding you by the shoulder while he hardens his eyes at you in seriousness. You nod your head as you scramble off his lap in a motion fast enough that Jungkook can’t process it.

Before the both of you know it, you’re on your knees, settled in between his legs as you peer up at him. Your heart was thundering in your chest because you had no idea what the fuck you were doing, but you wanted to do this. All because of that damn hair and piercing of his.

“Your knees,” he murmurs, attempting to tug you up but you’re stubborn when you stay rooted in position, eyebrows furrowed in determination as your jaw ticks.

“Isn’t this how it goes?”

“They’re going to hurt,” he points out.

You roll your eyes before narrowing them at him.

“Do you usually complain this much before you get your dick sucked or what?” You snap, patience wearing awfully thin.

Jungkook’s eyes widen at your blunt statement, especially when you reach out to rest your palms on his thighs.

“I don’t mean …” he mumbles, hands gripping the couch because he’s too afraid to touch you, “It’s not like that and you know it.”

You sigh, leaning your cheek against his kneecap and he feels his heart go into overdrive. It was different, with you. This wasn’t just another girl that wanted to suck his dick for his approval or whatever—this was the girl of his dreams, readily waiting to learn how he liked it. Though he’d argue that he’d like anything you do to him because his love-glasses blinded him that way. But there was still fear ebbing away at his heart, terrified at screwing it up even if you were the proposer in this case.

“Jungkook, I’m not going to disappear on you after this,” you say softly, still peering up at him, “I want this.”

Your heart tightens when he hesitantly reaches out to rest a hand between strands of your hair as he tilts your head upwards. Something about just sitting between his legs as they sprawl out wider to accommodate your body seems do domestic and intimate. Even the context of the situation makes you tingle from your fingertips all the way to your toes—you were here to learn, from Jungkook; on what he liked and didn’t.

You didn’t plan this. Admittedly you and Yena have talked on more than one occasion about how you really wanted to sleep with Jungkook—you didn’t have a timeline for it. It felt weird to put a date to it so you shoved the thoughts aside even if they popped up every once in a while. This just so happened to be one of those moments where your mind ventures into a more explicit territory whenever you were with Jungkook.

“I know you need time but …” his eyes flutter shut before he leans his head back into the seat—eyes staring up at the ceiling as if he was searching for answers that he didn’t have with himself. You wait because you suppose that’s the least you could do when you made him wait for you while you attempted to deal with your own feelings. When he looks down, his eyes are gentle yet resolute, “You know I love you, right?”

He sounds nervous even if he’s said it before. But the words don’t fail to make you flush or evoke the tremble in your ribcage—a signal from your body that tells you that it’s only Jeon Jungkook that could ever make you feel this way.

“God,” you huff, but the corners of your lip twitch and that’s enough to tell Jungkook that you did. You knew. “Can you teach me? Please?”

You’re pressing forward again, eagerly shifting on your knees as Jungkook takes one long look at you as if he was memorising this image to eternity. When he decides he’s satisfied, he rests into the seat before gently coaxing your hands away from his thighs and towards his—

“Start here,” he guides with a low voice, large palm encasing your smaller ones as you feel the metal of his zipper come into contact with your skin.

You blush, but you were an overachiever for a reason. The potential embarrassment of fumbling is tucked away in your mind, your only concern and fascination lie with the fact that Jungkook’s already hard that you feel him brush against your wrist.

“Don’t you need to get hard?” You ask softly.

Jungkook blinks before he’s giving you that devastating smile of his, the one where only one corner of his lips turn up into an amused grin while you tilt your head at him in an inquisitive manner.

“I’m really hard right now,” he assures you; and to prove his point, his hand guides yours over the outline of his cock. You gasp because it’s the first time you’ve felt anything but your own intimates in your grasp.

You involuntarily squeeze your thighs together, appreciating the way that Jungkook’s beginning to bite on his lips while he focuses his attention purely on you. You knew just from feeling alone that Jungkook was not your averagely-sized male.

“O-Oh,�� you breathe when your hands begin to work at their own accord—slowly unbuttoning his jeans, working your way down the zipper. The entire time, you’re occasionally looking up for any signs of approval from Jungkook, the resolved student in you needing appraisal from your teacher. And he picks up on your prompts, smiling at you gently even as his breath begins to turn uneven at the way you’re still gently pulling his pants down.

“You’re doing great,” his hand cards through your hair until his thumb reaches your cheek, rubbing a gentle motion to be paired with his words.

You smile to yourself, feeling more confident to tug his jeans down his thighs. You knew that Jungkook was well-built, it was a fact given that he was an athlete who frequented the gym more than any place on campus. He had impeccable stamina, even before he took football seriously—but the way that his thighs clench under your clammy hands only prove your point. But all you can really focus on is the outline of his cock from his boxers.

“Can I …?” You ask hesitantly, reaching out to tug at the hem of his boxers.

Before you can do anything, his hand stops your wrist as you immediately pause in your ministrations. Your eyes widen, fully ready to pull away in case you did something wrong. What if he didn’t like it? What if he changed his mind or that you were bad—?

“Stop thinking,” he chides, “I want this. I love your hands, anything that you do,” he whispers in reassurance as you swallow. “How about you feel me first? Over the boxers. Baby steps.”

You exhale, nodding your head as your hand reaches to cup his length in your hand. You gasp in tandem with Jungkook, feeling the heat radiate from his dick as you give an experimental squeeze. You look up to gauge his reaction, and you suppose it’s good with the way his breath hitches. He doesn’t say anything and you take that as your cue to continue, your hand squeezing tighter upwards, right before your thumb rubs over what you think is the tip.

“It’s wet,” you blurt.

You’re about to hastily apologise because who the hell points that out before giving someone a blowjob?

“Yeah,” he releases a shaky breath, “I’m so hard right now you have no idea.” He laughs, throwing his head back.

You don’t say anything else, but you continue to work your way up and down his length over the cloth—and for some reason, you feel like it never ends. The heat from his cock, the stirring in your belly or the wetness that begins to accumulate between your own thighs. His hand rests in your hair in a gentle way, simply remaining there as he allows you to have your way on his cock.

That realisation makes you feel the need to go further, so you do. You squeeze until you reach the base of his cock, and you feel the outline of his balls. You briefly read online that some guys liked it when you squeezed—so you did. And Jungkook nearly lurches forward and knees you in the face when you do.

“Fuck, baby,” he chokes in a laugh.

“Sorry,” you mumble, but your heart isn’t there when you grin in satisfaction to yourself. The term of endearment doesn’t fall onto deaf ears either, and it shoots straight to your core.

Deciding that you weren’t happy with just fondling him above his boxers, in one swift motion; said fabric now drapes over his thighs and you’re welcomed with the sight of Jungkook’s engorged cock staring you straight in the face.

You assume it’s bad taste to just stare at someone’s intimates as if you were dissecting the anatomy right as you were about to get down to business. But you couldn’t help it. Jungkook had such a … pretty looking cock. You don’t know if penises could look aesthetic nor were you going to be superficial and say that penises should look a certain way. But he had such a pretty cock and it only made you want to shove it all the way down your throat. But your inexperience tells you to relax because you weren’t about to embarrass yourself like that.

“Do you … hate it?” Jungkook asks tentatively.

He wasn’t particularly an insecure person. He knew he was good looking and had a great body—he worked hard for it! But that’s because he never cared about anyone and what they had to say enough for it to affect his self-confidence. But you were the one person that he’s sought for validation ever since he was just a teenage boy, before the muscles and the confidence he’s developed over the years.

Especially when he was so hard that he thinks he’s going to bust a nut the second your mouth touches his cock—the way that you’re staring only makes him anxious.

“You’re really big,” you tell him, eyes peering up, “And pretty.”

Jungkook blushes. He can’t believe it but the fact that he’s the one that’s flustered when you were the ‘inexperienced’ one only goes to show how whipped he was. He almost laughs, but your hand is touching his bare cock and he nearly chokes at the firm grip you immediately take. He really almost laughs, because even now—you were a quick learner, an observant student who already probably knew what he liked.

Your hands twist upwards when you jerk him off, and Jungkook tries his best to keep his hips at bay even if he’s letting out low groans the tighter you squeeze. Your eyes occasionally dart up to observe his reactions, and you’re pleased to see that his mouth is slightly agape whenever his breathless pants leave them. You didn’t know that pleasuring someone else could feel this fulfilling for yourself—but you liked it. You liked the way he felt in your hand, the precum that oozes out from his tip that taints your fingers—and you especially liked the way his head is thrown back while the grip in your hair tightens simultaneously.

“You could spit on it,” his shaky voice interrupts your mental dialogue as you look up at him. He cocks his chin towards his cock as you were hyper-focused on his length. You note that you barely could wrap your fists around him and that you needed the help of both hands.

“Would you like that?” You ask.

He nods.

“It chafes when it’s dry,” he points out.

You open your mouth in acknowledgement as you nod your head slowly. You remember when he had spit on your pussy, and even if it was in the heat of the moment and you were already wet enough—you liked it. But you also note that the way you’re jerking him off his dry so you rev the spit up in the back of your throat before you lean forward, allowing the glob of spit to drop down his cock.

The breathless groan that he lets out immediately shoots to your core as you peer up at him. He’s already looking at you do, and you feel compelled to shoot him a small smile. And when you do, he groans even if your hands have momentarily stilled as you raise a brow at his reaction.

“How are you still so cute,” he huffs.

You blink.

“Are you really calling me cute right before I’m about to suck your dick?” You deadpan.

He sighs, but his hand rubs a gentle circle on your head.

“It’s a good thing,” he promises, “Can’t you feel how hard I am right now? You could breathe near my dick and I’d probably nut.”

You snort, even if the compliment is super boyish and very Jungkook—you feel your heart swell. You’re both terrified and how you’re reacting to his simple words, but the cheesy grin he sends you from above only makes your stomach feel lighter and your heart soar higher.

“So how do you like it?” You ask.

It’s a little too odd to be having this conversation as your hand continues to work lazily on Jungkook’s cock. He seems to not mind, especially when his hips occasionally buck upwards to chase the feeling. He blinks in an attempt to focus on your query and not how good your hand feels around him, even if it’s in a rest.

“How about you just start with the tip?” He suggests.

You nod your head before you lean forward, and you don’t know if Jungkook feels it—but your heartbeat is beating rapidly against your chest. You’re not … scared, but you’re also a little scared. Mostly because it’s a foreign territory and you’re unsure how it’d taste (even if Yena warned you from having high hopes). But Jungkook ate relatively healthy and drank a lot of water; and worked out regularly.

You finally kiss the tip, and Jungkook just about melts, cock twitching at the contact as you stick your tongue out to take a tentative lick of the precum that oozes out from his hip. It’s not pleasant, nor is it anything to puke over. You’re partial to it, mostly because you’re super turned on and you like the way that Jungkook seems to be eagerly waiting while his other fist that isn’t in your hair grabs at the couch in anticipation.

You don’t intend to be that erotic, but you don’t break eye contact even when you envelop the tip into your mouth. It’s the widest part of Jungkook, and it’s already a pleasant stretch to your lips when you run your tongue on the underside of his cockhead.

“Y-You sure you n-need me to—ah—teach you?” He asks breathlessly when you use your free hand to jerk the base of his cock.

You hum around his length, and Jungkook groans in tandem, hips jerking upwards in response as you feel his cock briefly drag against the roof of your mouth. He’s about to apologise, especially when he leans forward, but you briefly release him to shake your head.

“I’m a big girl,” you tell him with a grin.

Jungkook chuckles before resting back. He can’t quite believe that you’re on your knees right in front of him, sucking his dick like an obedient student. It’s eerily similar to many of his high school wet dreams, and it probably exceeds them with the way you’re sucking him back into your mouth; slowly inching your way further until you’re halfway down.

Your mouth is hot, and in fact—a dream. It’s probably the fact that it’s you that Jungkook feels all his senses be elevated in a way he’s never felt before. It was the way that his heart soars in his chest while his stomach caves in when he feels your tongue swipe under his shaft.

“You’re doing so good, baby,” he croons, hand carding tenderly through your hair, “Be careful of your teeth.” He adds on when he feels the scrape of them against his cock.

He didn’t hate it, but he rather enjoys the softness of your mouth without the fear of you chewing his dick off.

You look up at him apologetically, but he only returns it with a half-hearted smile—purely because your hand is working its way on what you can’t fit into your mouth just yet. You’re an impeccable learner, and Jungkook thinks that he didn’t need to guide you at all with the way you’re doing everything just right. Or maybe it’s his love-sick mind that makes everything feel infinitely better. Maybe other guys wouldn’t like it—but his heart only drops when the thought arrives. He wanted to be the only person that could feel your mouth this way.

Your tongue is working hard when it continues to slobber against his cock. And he doesn’t know if you’re doing it on purpose, but you’re messy when you vacuum your cheeks—spit pooling at the sides of your mouth when you bob your head up and down. All Jungkook can feel is your mouth, and beads of sweat are already accumulating at his hairline while his breathing turns uneven with the only things escaping his lips are moans and groans.

You’re enjoying the way that Jungkook looks like he’s slowly losing control of himself and his tongue. All he’s doing is moaning, even the grip in your hair tightens when he unconsciously pushes your head further down on his cock. You realised that sucking dick wasn’t that theoretical as you thought it was. You were simply observant, gauged what made Jungkook’s breath hitch, what he didn’t react much to—and you knew for a fact that he appreciated the slobber.

And the spit. And the squelches of your lips meeting his cock. You did, too. It’s almost embarrassing to admit, but you were drenched just by observing Jungkook’s reactions. That only spurs you on further when you work harder, hand reaching down to cup his balls as you hear Jungkook release a breathy whimper. The sound immediately shoots to your core as you let out a moan of your own.

“Fuck,” he gasps, “You’re fucking evil.”

He’s breathlessly laughing, but you don’t let it hinder your actions. If anything, his words drive you further when you push his cock further into the cavern of your mouth, the gasp leaving his lips a sign that he probably didn’t expect that. You feel his stomach clench when you continue to bob your head up and down, and you’re giving yourself a mental pat on the back at the way you’re able to labour your own breathing through your nose. You were a natural if you did say so yourself.

“M’ gonna cum,” he mumbles through a moan, hand tightening around your hair as you take that as a sign to squeeze his balls harder. His hips jerk, hitting the back of your throat that has you briefly gagging around his cock. The visual and the sound sends Jungkook into overdrive, his balls feeling heavier by the second and in desperate need of release. He wants to apologise, but you don’t seem to mind with the way you continue to hollow your cheeks and function around his length.

“Where can I—fuck—where can I cum?” He rushes his words out, shallowly thrusting into your mouth as you hum around his cock.

He pulls out by pushing you back with a firm palm on your shoulder as your eyes widen, and when he’s shooting ropes of cum onto your face as it drips down your neck. You weren’t sure if he was supposed to cum that much, but it keeps on coming as you sit there obediently with your mouth open, in case it lands anywhere else. Jungkook’s groaning above you as he jerks himself off through the last bits of his orgasm, his hazy eyes darkening further when he spots the white that paints your face.

“I thought guys liked it if we swallowed?” You tilt your head to the side and Jungkook thinks he’s about to die.

“You’re actually going to kill me if you do that. So no. Not today.” He snorts, relaxing back into the couch as his post-nut clarity starts to hit him. He stares at the ceiling, feeling immensely satiated.

“This is like a facial at the spa,” you mention off-handedly as you climb up between his thighs, cum still staining your face. And Jungkook can’t believe it, but he thinks you look so cute painted with his cum. It’s a primal instinct the way that his eyes linger longer, feeling territorial with the way that he’s the only one that gets to see you like this.

“You’re so weird,” he snickers but you pout at him. And you do the next thing that gives Jungkook a heart attack.

Your tongue swipes over your lips where some cum remains, and even if his cock is flaccid—he feels it twitch in interest.

“Not bad. A little salty but overall … meh,” you shrug your shoulders as Jungkook gawks at you.

“You …” he trails off, “God.”

You smile up at him, all innocent as if you didn’t just give him the suck of his life—as your first time sucking dick.

“So? How was it?” You ask eagerly, leaning into his chest. He wants to ask about the cum that’s drying on your face, but you don’t seem to mind. You were so weird, but that only makes his heart grow fonder.

“Do you conduct feedback sessions after every blowjob?” He asks sarcastically.

You roll your eyes, “Do you want me to? I mean—I could offer my services elsewhere—”

Jungkook pinches your hip in retaliation, the insinuation making him growl as you snicker. He can only stare at you in amusement, especially when you’re still grinning up at him. Gone was the shy girl that proposed this, even if he noticed the flush on your cheeks and on the tip of your ears. It was insane how you took a one-eighty, but Jungkook appreciated it. He appreciated you.

“Ten out of ten. Magnificent. Absolutely life-changing. Thought I saw the gates of heaven for a second.” He teases.

You roll your eyes but a small smile appears on your face as you glance down to fiddle with your fingers. Jungkook can only stare at you, and he can’t fully describe this feeling but his heart feels so … full. So completed, even if you sucked his dick. He’s always felt this way, but there was something about you being wrapped in his arms after you had his dick in your mouth that made Jungkook go crazy. Crazy enough for him to blurt out the next thing on his mind.

“I want to be with you.” He blurts.

Your eyes dart up in shock as they widen. But Jungkook is as resolute as ever, a dopey grin still on his face.

“W-What?” You stutter.

He reaches for your hand, still slightly sticky with the slick from his cock but he doesn’t care. Not when you intertwine your fingers with his so seamlessly, so easily like you were meant to do so.

“I want to be with you. In whatever way you want to have me.” He murmurs, peering straight into your eyes.

Your heart stutters in your chest as you try to find the words to respond with. But you can’t. Your mind is still recovering from what you just did, and your heart is soaring. But there’s a part of you that’s hesitant. You knew it was unfair, for making Jungkook wait—but you were still scared. You were scared that he’d get bored of you, or what the two of you share one day. He may be ready to leave it all behind, but you don’t think you could deal with having to say goodbye to Jungkook in that way.

And it’s as if he can read your hesitation, he brings your intertwined hands to his lips before pressing a kiss to your knuckles, eyes still soft when they remain on your frozen state,

“I’ll wait,” he says softly, “For as long as you need me to. Until you’re ready.”

“J-Jungkook …” you mumble, flustered when you look away.

He nudges his nose against your cheek, pressing a smile to your jaw as you hum in embarrassment.

“I fucked up.” He says. You’re about to interrupt but he seems to have his own things to say. “I said things that hurt you. I did things that hurt you and I can’t ever forgive myself for that. I know you’re not punishing me and I never once thought that way. Even if that isn’t the case, the least I can do is wait. Not only because of what I did but because no matter what—I want to do this right this time.”

He looks up to you and his gaze is so earnest that it makes the words get trapped in your throat while you stare at him.

He smiles, soft and gentle when he rubs a thumb across your cheek.

“I’m serious about this. About you. Even if you decide that you don’t want this or that your feelings have changed … I’ll still be here.”

Jungkook takes your breath away as you gape at him. The silence he leaves you with only makes you reaffirm your stance on how you feel for him. Yet, you can’t give him an answer now. Not when your mind still remains hesitant, and Jungkook didn’t deserve hesitant. Even if he’s hurt you—he didn’t deserve your confusion. Neither of you did.

You lean into him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. It’s intimate this way, the way that his cum dries on your face and that his dick is still out. It’s almost funny, but Jungkook wouldn’t have it any other way. He’d wait—for as long as he had to. And he’d do it over and over again, for you.