#(the reason is I will not get Shit done today if I do) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

would-you-punt-them · 2 days

Note

Possible reasons: heart/blood issues (ie: maybe your heart was beating too fast or there was a sudden change in blood pressure), thyroid issues, or hypersomulance (ie: narcolepsy or IHS). But there is a LOT it could be. These are just ones that I’m aware of. I highly suggest seeing a dr if you can and at least getting SOME kinda test done! Hope it’s nothing super serious!!

I genuinely don't think it's that serious; I was worried for a while because before it was happening constantly, but it's been happening less and less frequently each day, and today it hasn't even happened at all

So I think whatever was causing isn't a long-term condition, and I'm in the clear

Actually I think my willpower proved too strong for it, because I can control it now - even though it doesn't seem to do it randomly anymore, I can still do it on command, so at any moment I can decide now is sleepy time and shut down instantly, whether I feel tired or not

Though I do think there might be some lingering side effects that are super weird, and I do want to know if anyone can relate because I've never heard of this kind of thing happening before

Basically, since this started happening I've only been able to sleep in short bursts, even at night, and that hasn't changed - I wake up for like 1-2 minutes, and then go back to sleep, over and over again, so instead of a solid 8 hours in bed I'm basically taking a series of naps

Now here's the weird part - my dreams carry over

I'm having a dream, I wake up, and I'm like "wait no I want to know what happens next", so I make myself fall straight back asleep and it picks up where it left off

And I've discovered that apparently I can use this against my enemies - last night I had a dream where I was in court, and because I was struggling with the case I asked for a recess so I could grab my phone real quick, woke up, picked up my actual phone IRL, googled legal advice, then went back to sleep and got back to the courtroom, and was like "sorry I'm back, I just looked it up and have an objection now" and the judge allowed it

When I got up properly I assumed that me "waking up and using my phone" was part of the dream (you know like how sometimes you wake up, go through your morning routine, then wake up a second time because the first time was actually still in the dream)

But then I checked my phone and the website was still open

Shit like this has been happening every night for days now, has anyone had experiences similar to this

#asks #not a poll

20 notes · View notes

lost-in-fandoms · 4 months

Text

Logan and Max have another talk, or 'does kissing count as free therapy?' Part 2 of whatever this was. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of how hard I kept thinking about these two. I blame @girlsdads for giving me the brainrot in the first place.

cw: the tiniest bit of implied sexual content

It's another bad race. Fucking 16th, only ahead of the two Saubers, and of the Haas and Alpine that had crashed each other out. There was no reason why his pit stop had to be 4.3 seconds, when Alex's had been 2.7, no reason why he had been fucked over by not one but two undercuts because of shitty strategy, no reason why Alex's side of the garage had to be celebrating 8th place while his was sullen and quiet.

Logan fears he's going to throw up when he steps in and James claps him on the shoulder, saying sorry, next time, as if Logan doesn't know his contract is on the line. Fucking. Next time?!

Logan feels like he's trying to swim with his hands tied behind his back, desperately trying to make it to shore. Nobody cares he's drowning.

He can barely look up during the debrief, feels like he's choking the whole time on the words nobody is saying. As soon as he's free, he escapes, fumbling for his phone as usual. Only this time, he doesn't call his mom.

Are you free?

Max has his motorhome this weekend, and Logan doesn't wait for an answer before heading over. If he doesn't answer, he'll just take a walk.

Yes come over

He's knocking on Max's door before he can rethink it, before all these feelings catch up on him and he decides he's going to break down alone instead. When Max opens his door, Logan immediately regrets it. He's wearing a black t-shirt, hair styled, looking ready to go out. Of course he's heading out, he has a win to celebrate. Unlike Logan. Who should have just gone home.

He opens his mouth, ready to apologize and turn around, when Max's hand closes on his shoulder, his mouth downturned with what would be worry, if it wasn't absurd for Max Verstappen to be worried about him.

"Come in," Max says, doesn't leave space for arguments when he pulls Logan inside, closing the door behind him.

For a long moment they just look at each other, as Logan's waves lap at his neck. He doesn't know why he's here anymore.

"Are you okay?" Max's hand is still on his shoulder. Logan feels like he'll keel over if he takes it back.

"I might be out of a seat."

It's not an answer to Max's question, it's not even what Logan meant to say, it's not something he should be telling to the competition, but really. Logan is barely Max's competition at all, and who wouldn't know that after this season's disaster? Nobody is counting on him to race next year.

He waits for Max to say something, even if it's just empty platitudes, but the other just squeezes his shoulder and nods, and suddenly it's much harder to hold back his tears.

"I just..." he breathes in, willing his voice to not crack, "I don't know what I am doing wrong."

It comes out more desperate than he meant it to, but he's just so tired and upset, and nobody is seeing him drown. Why is nobody paying attention?

"You have a shit car, get bad strategy calls, and have a teammate with years more of experience. You are not the one doing it wrong."

Max says it so matter of fact, as if he's the one driving the shit car, the one with the better teammate, the one having to fight through the back of the field with no success, and suddenly Logan is angry. He shrugs Max's hand away, fists clenching. What does Max know about being the second driver in a bad team? How dares he say he knows Logan's hunger?

"Fuck off," he spits, wrapping his arms around himself to hide the way his hands are trembling. He shouldn't have come.

"You have potential, you are not doing it wrong," Max says again, stubborn and bull-headed as always, jaw set and eyes clear. Logan's anger spikes again. Max Verstappen, the prodigy child, talking to him about wasted potential? This must be a joke. He scoffs, ready to turn around and leave, but Max grabs him again, gets a hold on his elbow and keeps him where he is.

"Why are you angry?" he asks. And yeah, this must be a joke, for sure. Why is Logan angry? Why is he angry?!

"You don't get to..." he starts, but Max interrupts him, squeezing his elbow.

"No. Why are you angry?"

"The team..."

Max takes a step closer, narrowing his eyes.

"Not the team, I do not care about the team. Why are you angry?"

As if there was a right answer to the question that Logan isn't getting! It's his own anger! And Max doesn't care about the team? Of course he doesn't, it's not his team fucking up! Why can't Logan be angry about the team?!

"Alex gets..."

"No. Why are you angry?" Max interrupts again, steadfast in a way that grates on Logan's nerves.

They're too close now, and for a second Logan entertains the idea of punching three times world Champion Max Verstappen. Anger burns in his chest, and suddenly, without knowing who closed the gap, they're kissing. It's not a nice kiss, all teeth and spit, and it almost feels the same as the punch he hasn't thrown, until Max moves his hand from his elbow to his waist, the other one coming up to cup the back of his neck, turning his head slightly. Gentling him.

His anger is back in his lungs, but it's no longer anger, it's back to salt water, and Logan is drowning again. He breaks the kiss, gasping, but Max doesn't let him go.

Logan doesn't remember the last time someone held him like this, like being here matters.

"Why are you angry?" Max asks again, breath soft against Logan's bitten lips. He smells vaguely like minty toothpaste.

"Because..." he hesitates, but at this point he might as feel say fuck it, and give it all. All his fleshy insides in Max's hands, bleeding on the floor between them. "Because I could do better, but I can't do it like this."

This time Max nods. "You could do better."

And Logan knows his parents and friends have said it before, have kept saying it for years. Knows his time in Formula 2 speaks for itself. But it's different, to have Max say it like that, so surely. It's a different kind of validation, and a different kind of heartbreak, because they both know his time to prove it is running out. It's hard to breathe again.

"It is good to be angry. It makes you want to take it," Max says, maybe mistaking the way his breathing has gone funny. But Logan doesn't feel angry anymore. He's tired, and scared, and lonely. He drops his head on Max's shoulder, who moves to card his fingers in his hair, bearing his weight with ease. Logan wishes anything would come easy to him instead.

"I don't know how to be angry," Logan confesses. He doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to disappoint Max, but he disappoints better than he lies anyway. What's one more person.

"That is of course still okay," Max says, instead of some sort of rebuke Logan is expecting. For a second, he thinks about the stories of Max's childhood, of angry men and steel hands. Max's fingers are gentle in his hair.

"What do you want right now?"

It's too big of a question. Logan wants his seat to be safe, he wants to end in the points, he wants a good car, he wants to not feel so distant from everyone else, he wants to go home. He wants someone to tell him it will be alright and mean it.

He shakes his head, forehead dragging against Max's t-shirt. Disappointing again.

Max holds his hair a little tighter, uses the grip to pull Logan up, to make him open his eyes.

"What do you need?"

And it's the same, but it is different, and Logan needs...he needs...

"You can take it. What you need." Max sounds so sure of it, Logan can almost believe it. Maybe Logan doesn't know how to take, doesn't know how to fix it, but here, now, he at least knows what he needs.

"I need to be better," he says, words bleeding out from his split-open chest. "I need to be good."

They both know what Logan means, because the thing with Max is, that it's always about racing, even when it isn't, and it is also always both at the same time.

Max nods, letting go of his hair, and Logan pushes him around, back against the door. Gentle, because he needs to be, but firm, because he wants this.

He eases himself to his knees, and feels Max's hand cup his cheek. His raspy voice isn't disappointed, or pitying, or even sad when he speaks, only fond. A little proud.

"Good boy."

#this was written incoherently at 4:30 am on my phone in bed and then fixed up today idk if the ending makes sense #i hope it is still okay once again the logan/max fog took over me i take no responsibility for this #also i am more or less unable to write smut unless the stars are aligned or some shit im just a little ace baby so thats what you get sorry #if its bad just tell me and i will delete it and die in shame <3 #logan/max #i really think we should find them a ship tag if somebody has ideas or knows the 'official' name let me know #my writing #maybe i will post a screenshot of the first draft of this i wrote last night because its just funny kdjfnkjds #fun fact 1: in my head maxiel has kissed during fights before so max is just doing what he knows here #fun fact 2: the ones behind logan in this race are 77 24 10 20 because why not dksnfkjds #max never smiles or shrugs in this whole thing im a SHAM #btw i have shown INCREDIBLE restraint by waiting for a reasonable hour to post instead of just posting it when i was done #it could have meant rethinking this to death and deleting it all #fuck it we ball i guess

13 notes · View notes