#*gives anon a plate of seaweed*

[icedmetaltea]

Everyone thinks Sun and Moon can change quickly because of advanced technology. Special fabric and paint they say! Some even think it's because they just tear their pants off only to have the pants of the other under those pants.

Fools! Imbelicies!

It's none of those reasons! Not even close. It's obviously because the daycare attendant is part octopus!!!!

Don't you see? They're skinny and lanky like an octopus. They have a big head like an octopus. They can change colors in an instant like an octopus. They are flexible and can fit into small spaces like an octopus!!

EMBRACE THE TRUTH OF OCTOPUS DAYCARE ATTENDANT

OCTO ANIMATRONICS 👁️👄👁️

It all makes sense now....

[siberat]

Dri/ft’s Mukbang Part 7

“Looks like we are on to the last food selections, huh? Part of me is sad to know this mukbang is ending. But another part of me is kind of happy, for I am rather stuffed silly right now! My belly is so noisy, and I will have a long night tending to this aching tummy! *Picks up the next food to be eaten* Speaking of long nights, let’s celebrate by trying this footlong enerdog! *Carefully bites the enerdog*

Oh, this is sinfully delightful! All that melted lithium cheese and the hearty cyberchili give this the right kick! I’m sure this will be very filling! *Optics brighten* Speaking of filling, let’s move on to this ask from another Anon: Are you going to need your plating resized after this? It’s already putting such a strain on your belly, and you are not even finished yet… I can’t imagine how much plumper you may get!”

*Smiles sheepishly* Well, let me tell you…I don’t know how much more I can eat, let alone my frame can withstand! I feel so bloated already…. Like a beach ball that is about to pop! *Pats belly* This upper part, while it has some squish, is quite firm and bulges out a bit. *Takes another bite, then jostles his belly* Not to mention, this is rather heavy. I feel my legs getting that prickling feeling. * Moves his legs* Hopefully, that’ll help with circulation. Not that I wish our conversation to end so quickly, but I really would like to lie down. *Bites lip* I think my aft is falling asleep!

But as far as my plating goes… well, I had to lose some during our feast here. First was the stomach platting, then thigh plating… and well, only the central plating remains…I feel as if I was stripping for you! *blushes* But I will likely have to ask Rat/chet to loosen the major plating when he returns tonight. Some areas are rather tight and are starting to pinch. *Mentions to his hip plating* No, I don’t mean anything perverted by that! Get your minds out of the gutters!

*Finishes hot dog* Hmmmmm…. That was tasty. What shall I move onto next? *Gazes across the table* Oh! I know this cyber-sushi! * Snags the dish, shows camera* These are another of my favorites! You have some raw fish in a petroleum rice bed wrapped in seaweed. *Smacks lips* Simply divine! *Pops one in mouth*

So, onto the next ask. This one comes from another anonymous user, and it reads as follows:  Awwww, look at your cute cheeks; they are getting chubby! Just wanna squish them! Who else do you think would look nice and all pudgy? *Blushes* Why thank you ever so much for the compliment! My face does feel so soft and round. And with my helm pressing into my cheeks, it does feel like I am getting a granny-style face squish!

*Chuckles, then gobbles the second sushi* As far as who I would think would look nice all pudgy… Would it be a cheat to say Rat/chet? Because that would be my top choice. I think he just has that bulk of a frame that would really be able to handle the extra pounds. Just imagine how thick his thighs would get, and don’t forget seeing that heavy paunch droop over his hips!

 *Shakes helm* But in all seriousness, what I would like the most about my lover packing on some pounds would be that he took time to start enjoying the small things in life. I hate it when he insists on making those disgusting microwave meals. *Snubs nose and sticks out tongue*

If he learned to relax and enjoy the fabulous taste of food, he would be much happier, don’t you think? And if he packs on pounds, so be it. As long as he is happy and enjoying himself, that’s what matters, right?

I’m getting thirsty. I am going to try some of this orange energonade. Apparently, it’s high in oxides and is a very healthy drink. *Takes a gulp* Wow. That is very refreshing! And that orange taste is out of this world! *Takes another sip* You know, orange is one of my favorite flavors. At least right now, that is!

But back to the questions. If I cannot choose Rat/chet, I suppose my next choice would be…. *Face scrunches in thought* It’s still going to be based on the theme of more relaxing and enjoying life as opposed to more of an attraction…but I’d have to say Rodi/mus. While one may not believe it, our dear caption is so strung out with insecurities and worries! Do you know he paces for hours in his habsuit while talking to himself? *Rolls optics* I would love to just sit him down and shut that babbling mouth of his up with some good old-fashioned home cooking!

*Devours another sushi round* I bet he would enjoy some cybersteak and potatoes…or a thick coal burger and fries. And for desserts…he’d probably enjoy a nice, warm apple pie with a scoop or two of energon ice cream on top! He’s another mech that needs to stop and take time to treat himself. And if he chonks up, I bet he wouldn’t pace himself to deactivation. *Licks his lips as his optics dart back and forth* Plus, I don’t think anyone would complain about those hips widening up some, huh?” *Winks, then polishes off the last sushi*

Well, it is time to move on to something sweet. How about these cookies? I freshly baked these today, and of course, some were packed into Rat/chet’s lunch. But these are loaded with chocolates and iolites! *Takes a bite* So soft and gooey! I should have poured myself some enermilk to go with these, but this orange-aid must suffice. *Gulps the cold liquid* Well, that’s an odd mix… cookies and orange. *Chuckles*

So, we have a couple of questions from an anonymous asker. These are somewhat whimsical in nature! The first one reads: Hey Dri/ft! Need help washing the dishes? Oh my, there were tons of dishes to wash! Now, some of these tasty meals were prepped yesterday, and others before I started recording. So, some of the dishes have already been taken care of. And aside from the larger dishes, thankfully, we have a dishwasher in my love’s habit! Just had to quickly rinse them off before piling them in. *Snacks on another bite of cookie* Now, I have some pans soaking and let’s not forget the dishes on the table. I initially thought I’d get to them later… but…*Looks at his rather large body* I somehow don’t think I planned that out the best! I’ll eventually tend to them.

Now, their second question is: Who else do you think would be good eating buddies with you? Hmmm…. This is a good one. And I will not mention Rat/chet because that would be a given. But I imagine my perfect dinner guest would involve someone who could keep a good conversation going. *Takes a sip of the drink and snags another cookie*

Now, I’ll give two since the first one could not count. Wi/ng. *sighs* Wi/ng would be a fantastic eating buddy. Well, once he got over the whole spiel of overindulging. But he really opened my mind up to the joys of good food. In my time spent with him, he always provided me with such exquisite foods I never dreamt of tasting before. *Dreamy look overcomes him* Of course, I didn’t truly appreciate this at the time, and looking back, I deeply regret it. Not only was the food good, but the conversation was deep.

*Nervously smiles* Of course, that wasn’t appreciated either. But how I would love to join Wi/ng in a night of dining and conversing! I wouldn’t take him for granted this time. I would engage in the thought-provoking conversation as we both filled our bellies to the brim! *Face brightens* How lovely would that be? It would be so cozy and homey to share this with Wi/ng! I bet he would give the best belly rubs, wouldn’t you agree?

*Picks up the last cookie and takes a bite* Now, if I had to choose someone in the present time…*Playfully shrugs* This may sound odd and kind of out of nowhere, but Amb/ulon. I have had several talks with him while waiting for Rat/chet to get off his shift, and he can keep a conversation going…once he breaks out of his shell. He is full of in-depth ideas and is happy to discuss them once he feels comfortable with you. *Finishes off the last cookies*

I think Amb/ulon would enjoy the food as well. He looks so troubled, and with his past, I don’t blame him. But I feel a good, scrumptious meal would lift his spirits a bit. He needs to treat himself, you know? Perhaps he will feel much better once he fills himself with a large meal and vents off some of those worries he hangs onto. Plus, food comas tend to put you to sleep. And I have a feeling Amb/ulon needs a good night’s rest. *Face is deep in thought* perhaps I should try to talk to him more. *Chugs the rest of the orange energonade*

But now, I saved the best for last. Look at this cake! * Struggles to reach the baked good across the table* Excuse me…. *Leans across the table* There, gotchya! Wow, things are a bit more challenging with this big ol’ belly! But this cake is huge! I bought it from this lovely bakery we passed by a few days ago. *Grins* It was so hard to not eat a slice! But look at how colorful this is! * Sets the plate on his belly* Now, just need utensils. *Silverware drops to the floor*

Scrap. *Optics widen* Please pardon my language! But there is no way I will be able to get those utensils… *Shrugs and nervously grins* Guess I will have to eat this with my hands… you won’t mind, would you? I am just dying to give this bad boy a taste! *Pulls off a piece and starts eating* This is so sweet and rich tasting! And the sprinkles supply such a pleasant crunch!

Alright, we have a few questions about Rat/chet. The same asker from above asks: Are you hoping Rat/chet brings home more food? Oh my stars, no! Usually, I love it when he brings back some little treat for me, and it’s usually something cakey and sweet. But let me tell you, I am struggling to finish this meal! My stomach feels so heavy and full. My breathing has increased a bit, and my frame is warming up. I desperately need a fan to cool myself off! *Eats more cake* I only want Rat/chet to bring his servos for some good belly rubbings!

The next ask is from Gator-raider, simply asking what Rat/chet thinks. Honestly, I was so scared the first time I pigged out and had an itty-bitty belly. I hid from him for a bit. I feared his reaction! When he did find out, he was upset- but not with the belly. He was upset with me being secretive and such. And I think he was a little hurt that I could believe he’d be so shallow. *Shrugs* I just didn’t want him to be repulsed, you know? But my love didn’t care as long as I was happy. And healthy… his doctorly talks come up once in a while. But he means well.

But I have noticed he brings me more treats, and he has been much cuddlier at nights. *Grins* Well, this may be slightly inappropriate, but his servo’s definitely roam over my frame much more, taking their time to pinch and grope at the plush mesh. Now, I’m not one to kiss and tell, so I will have to end that topic right there. *Winks, then bashfully grins*

*Beeping is heard*

Oh, someone’s pinging me. *Grabs data pad and smiles* Speak of the devil, Rat/chet’s calling. Excuse me for a sec. *Answers device*

Dri/ft: Hey, I’m still recording here, Rat/ch…You’ll be in the video…”

Rat/chet: Still? How much food did you make?

Dri/ft: Um…. Well, a lot…

Rat/chet: I imagine so. Is there any leftover food for me?

Dri/ft: …. Ah…. um….

Rat/chet: You know, it took a lot of restraint on my part to not have a slice of that cherry pie…

Dri/ft: …. well…. I…ah…

Rat/chet: I’ll take that as a no.

Dri/ft: Baby, I’m very sorry… just got carried away with such good conversation!

Rat/chet: *nods and smiles* Do you have a mouth full of food right now, or are your cheeks just that chubby?

Dri/ft: *Blushing and smiling* They are just that chubby.

Rat/chet: Dare I ask what the rest of ya look like?

Dri/ft: *bites lip but pans the data pad over his frame*

Rat/chet: Pr-Jeez, kid. What did you do, eat the couch?

Dri/ft: *Laughs* No, the couch is still here.

Rat/chet: Is it in one piece?

Dri/ft: Yes, it still stands. You are such a tease. *Wags a finger*

Rat/chet: *Smiles and lovingly chuckles* Alright, I will return shortly. I just have to head back to Med Bay really quickly. Forgot something.

Dri/ft: What ya leave behind, your positive attitude? *Sticks out his tongue*

Rat/chet: I Have a feeling you will need something for that belly ache you're gonna be crying about all night.

Dri/ft: Well, that’s what your hands are for, silly!

Rat/chet: … Y…. You’re on camera being recorded… I’ll be home soon.

Dri/ft: Alright, baby, I love you.

Rat/chet: Yeah, yeah, yeah… luv ya too.

*Hangs up and sets data pad down* Now I feel a little guilty… I should have saved him a slice of that pie! It’s his favorite! But it just tasted too good to stop! Just like this cake… *Eats another handful of what little remains* But I am so full! *Huffs as his belly loudly grumbles* You think I can polish this off? Just looking at the last handful makes my whole frame ache! *Scoops the last bit up* I hope I don’t explode! *Opens mouth wide and shoves it in* Hmmmm…. so tasty! *belches* Oh, do excuse me!

*Sets empty dish on the table, then pats his belly* Look how messy I am! I should have brought some napkins. Well, perhaps towels. *Laughs* But all the food is gone-look at all those empty plates! Wow, that was a huge meal. And some good conversations. I do hope you all thoroughly enjoyed yourselves. I know I sure did! *Licks icing off a finger* We’ll have to do this again sometime, yeah?

Time sure does fly with a good meal and talks! But as usual, all good things must come to an end. Thank you for tuning in, my loyal fans! I sure hope we can gather for another night of insightful discussion and good food soon! Be safe, everyone, and have a great night!

*Smiles and waves before the camera shuts off*

[tremendousmothergoat]

Ultra Menu - Special Love Feast.

Due to momma goats love and appreciation of…the male form we created this feast for her. 3 courses. Appetizer, Meal, and Dessert

Appetizer - Sushi rolls. These giant uncut rolls of sushi are the size and width of a monsters arm! Filled to the brim with avocado, crab meat, carrot and special mayo. Wrapped tight around rice and seaweed paper (four rolls)

Meal - who doesn’t love a thick meaty wiener. Two plates of meaty goodness that even a monster would have trouble fitting it all in their mouth! Our house made sausage with bread and condiments and fried corn dogs filled with cheese with special fixings. (6 together. 3 sausages 3 corn dogs)

Dessert - and to finish our feast. Dessert. Three eclairs bigger and wider than Asgore himself. Covered in luscious chocolate and filled with a thick vanilla cream. These are guaranteed to make any mom get the curves she needs (or even more if she wishes!) And if mom really wants we’ll even give her a tube to drink our “curve” making cream straight from the source. (3 eclairs plus optional tube feeding)

Oh dear. This was....a lot. How on earth did the anon have so much time to get all this food prepared? And so much fancy food that she never got to eat? This was a heck of an offering... Well, nothing much to do but get going on it!

She started with the sushi rolls, carefully eating them from the end so she doesn't go squirting the filling out the back. She could probably swallow them whole... But then she wouldn't get all those delicious ingredients! Mmm, crab meat.. Just to show off, she does slide one down her tongue, tip her head back, and swallow it whole, but just the one. And because she still had so much food to eat.

Her stomach growled loudly as she pulled the plates of sausages over to her, whipping out a large fork. She stabbed each sausage and took a huge chomp out of it, wiping her chin as she chewed and swallowed. Corn dogs? Those, she just dips straight into the condiments because chowing down on them. And any leftover condiments are mopped up with the bread! Oooooh, she's full already... But still, more to eat!

She groans as she gets a handful of eclairs and just... Starts chowing down on them, more focused on cramming them into her mouth than she is cleanliness. It's slow going, but thankfully they're soft enough she can sort of pack them into her gut.. Every so often, she stops for a moment, panting, then lets out a strained belch before going back to eating. Good thing she doesn't bother to keep track of her calories, any app for that would be blowing up at the mass amounts of food she's packing in! When she finally finishes up with the eclair, she sits back in her chair, huffing and panting... And, not wanting food to go to waste, she pulls the feeding tube over to her and takes several long drags like she was sucking from a hookah, any spare space in her stomach filled by the rich liquid!

Her eyes roll back as she slouches in her chair, her stomach hanging down almost to the floor. Gooooood eats... Thank goodness she doesn't have to ask for a check.

[tooweirdforyou]

Riceballs » Trafalgar Law

A/N: inspired by this anon! I SO HAD TO WRITE THIS OMG! ( once I find it I’ll link it :’) )

note : this is to make up for the lack of writing I’m doing. I’m working on that Shanks nsfw that Rose anon asked for, a haikyuu event piece, a Tokyo Revengers Mikey oneshot, and chapter 2 of Target atm.. plus some personal things going on ! Forgive me!! :)

It’s real short so I apologize! ^^;;

Summary : offering to make Law a snack turns out to be a little more difficult than you imagined. Fortunately, Law is there to save the day.

-

“Lawwww?”

Peering into the room, your head sticking into his office, you gave a cute smile to the doctor, who eventually looked up at the door.

“What is it?”

You lean into the room more, gripping onto the door so you don’t fall before smiling at him. “You hungry?~”

Book still in hand, the doctor’s dead tired eyes looks up you and your excitement for a minute before shaking his head.

“Not really. I’m studying something so I don’t—“

“Studying again, huh?” You drawl out the last word before entering the room. “What is it this time?”

Law sits up and sets the opened book onto the desk flat and explains. “I’m studying the human bones, inspecting specifically, the phalanges and their-“ you let out an awkward hum.

“Er.. I don’t really understand since I’m not really knowledgeable in the science and biology department but you’re working hard!”

You smile brightly, and despite cutting him off, Law secretly adored your bright look.

( even if you reminded him of a particular straw hat ).

“So, as a reward, I’ll make you some rice balls, okay? Keep working, I’ll be back!”

Before he could protest, you run out excitedly and shut the door, dashing to the kitchen to get started on the doctor’s lunch.

Law blinks silently at the doorway before exhaling gently. “..okay.”

You were a handful, but he appreciated your efforts.

“Time to get to work!”

You clench fists into determination, clothed in an apron and a hair pulled back from your face. A smile plasters your face as you stare blankly at the kitchen table.

. . .

“What am I supposed to do?”

You sweat drop, still wearing a smile before humming. “Rice balls.. well, rice!”

Washing your hands, you go over to the rice cooker pot and open the lid up, scooping a spoonful of rice out and dumping it onto your hands.

“A-Ah, hot-! Hot! Hot!”

You hiss and toss the rice back and forth between your two hands, the rice sticking to some parts of your hand as it burns you.

Gloves. After plopping the rice onto an empty plate, you wash your hands again to cool it and slipped on some gloves to prevent sticking and hopefully, burning.

“Okay, rice is cooling and I can touch it now.. what next?”

You think back to Sanji’s rice balls he made when you visited once and snap your fingers. “Seaweed!”

Humming a tune, you go over to the cabinets and began looking for the sheets of seaweed to put on the rice.

Upon looking for it, you find some other stuff that seems to be good add-ons for the rice balls.

“Maybe eggs.. and soy sauce.. there’s some meat and fish left over so I can add those... sriracha, hoisin sauce.. these can add flavor! Pepper for some nice spice.. salt..?.. hm..”

As you mindlessly grabbed ingredients, your determination to create some delicious rice balls for Law’s hard work makes you blind to what you’re really doing to the rice but.. it was too late.

You were currently having the time of your life making these rice balls.

“Law’s going to love it!~ <3”

“...”

Law looks up from his book to see the time, seeing about an hour having passed since you came in.

“Did something happen?”

The doctor exhales gently and closes his book with small gesture before getting up from his desk, pushing his chair in.

Walking to the door, Law leaves his room and begins heading to the kitchen, preparing for what was there.

And when he finally made it, he’s speechless.

“. . .”

Upon the door opening, you glance at the entrance and widen your eyes with delight.

“Oh, Law. I was going to take these to you, but since you’re here, come eat!”

Despite the kitchen in quite the disarray, on the table were various small plates with a variety of rice balls with different sizes and appearances.

“Each one is different, so give it a try!”

Some looked edible and decent, while others were dark, red, mushed or just completely flat with indescribable and indiscernible items inside.

“Did you.. spend the whole hour making these?..”

Law mumbles, mixed feelings churning up inside him, or perhaps it was just his own insides at the sight of a few of them.

“Just for you!~ Don’t they look amazing?”

Law doesn’t say anything and the bright smile still being worn by you, fades just a little.

Your hands that were being your back, is pulled to your front and you let your smile completely fade and falter away, catching Law’s attention as you look at your red, burned and cut hands in front of you.

“Amazingly horrible, right?...”

The sight of your hands makes Law widens his eyes but you continue to speak before he can.

“I know it’s not good.. I.. don’t know how to make rice balls..” You admit, clenching your hands softly that it still stung.

Tears well up in your eyes in the embarrassment and failure sinking in. “But.. I still wanted to make something good for you to eat.. because you work so hard, and-!”

You sniff and wipe your tears with your forearm, before it could fall. “I’m silly, aren’t I? I just want to help you because you’re my captain and..”

“It’s not bad.”

You widen your eyes with a gasp and watch Law take a bite out of one of the rice balls. It seems to be the one with soy sauce put in.

“I understand what you were going for, the idea isn’t bad but the execution and technique needs some work.” Law critiques, biting once more silently into it before finishing it.

Swallowing the last bit of it, he turns to you and offers a small smile. “Thank you, [Name]. You worked hard to make these for me, I appreciate it. I’ll enjoy these.”

He then walks towards you and brings his hand up to brush a stray tear away from your eyes with his thumb.

The blush that spreads across your cheeks become visible as you stare in awe at your Captain.

“Don’t cry. Once I finish these, let’s make some rice balls together for the crew. It’s almost dinner time after all, and we’ll even share some of yours with them. Not all of them though.”

You snap out of your daze at his last comment. “S-Sure, but why not?”

Law looks up at you with a raised brow.

“What do you mean? These are originally for only me, right? I’m not sharing this reward given by you. It’s mine.”

“!” Your blush darkens as you sniffle and smile brightly again, giggling as your heart beats against your chest. “Okay!”

-

A/N : I’m so sorry this is so short and so sorry for the lack of content lately! :(

AT LEAST I FINALLY WROTE THIS THOUGH!

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

To Dance With Danger | Jurdan Whump Fic

Anon asked: “Can you write something about how Jude gets hurt somewhere and the Court of Shadows and Cardan go looking for her”

Summary: “The only thing he knew was the weight on his chest, two boulders sinking into the concavity of his lungs. How furious he was with Jude, and how much that didn’t matter. That her favourite flower was the blue bellflower, and its petals were falling from the throne.” Please forgive me.

Rating: T

CW: Mild cursing. Minor mentions of abuse (~) and vomit (*); Paragraphs containing these sensitivities have been marked with the allocated warnings. Major descriptions of pain and delusions.

Part I    |    Part III    |    AO3    |    Masterlist

Part II- Follow You Down To the Red Oak Tree

She’d never considered herself stupid. 

Foolish, maybe once or twice. But Jude Duarte-Greenbriar was never an idiot outright. So it came as a great shock to her when she found herself bleeding out in a cave in the middle of the Milkwood.

Wouldn’t this be a hilarious way to go? All her life, Jude had been worried about time peeling her right out of her own mortal skin. Yet here she was, dying from a paltry cut.

That last thought, she knew was stupid. This was more than a paltry cut. It throbbed like a second heartbeat and burned like her knee was a plate of scrambled eggs someone was pushing around with a fork.

A small pool of spilled blood darkened the ground near her ankles. Sometimes, her vision narrowed, blurred.

Perhaps this was one last way for the stars to taunt her. Give her everything she ever wanted and more than she could possibly hope for; a grand feast befitting of a Queen, spread out just for her; then rip her away from herself like the tablecloth in one of those mortal magic tricks.

Jude was not afraid. 

When you’d lived your whole life knowing the promise of death was the single certainty of your existence, you tended to come to terms with it. So Jude did not fear dying. Only the horrible, yawning oblivion that came after.

☽☽☽☽☽

It was a quarter past one, and Cardan’s feet were flying. Out his chamber doors, down the spiral stairs, right to the little wooden door opposite the library, which he promptly began pounding on.

There was a groan within, some shuffling. Then, “It’s the middle of the day, for Mab’s sake,” a groggy voice came muffled from behind the door. “What could possibly be so—oh.”

The Bomb, all messy-haired, eyes squinting at the brightness of the hall, let the door creak open a fraction before realising who exactly had summoned her from sleep. She opened the door in full.

“Cardan—erm, I mean… Your Majesty,” she said, brows furrowing. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Pleasure?” Another even-more-groggy voice came from inside the room. “I’ve got a mallet hammering at my brain thanks to him. Bloody pusher. You can tell His Majesty to kindly sod off.” The Roach held a pillow over his gnarled green head and a rude finger up in the direction of the door.

“Van,” the Bomb tutted over her shoulder. She pulled her dressing gown tight around her and faced the High King again. Only then did she seem to register the look on his face.

“Liliver,” Cardan said, frantic. His mind was all static, hollow—so very full of nothing. Words felt like they came through a tangle of tree sap and brambles in his throat. “It’s Jude.”

That’s all it took. 

The Court of Shadows was moving, the guard summoned. Even the Roach managed to scrape himself together. The Ghost slipped into their ranks just as they were passing through the throne room, and informed the High King he’d done a sweep of the palace, just to be sure.

“And?” Cardan demanded, pivoting on his heel to face the sharpshooter.

“She’s not here,” the Ghost said.

Cardan’s mouth set into a grim line. He gave a curt nod, but his stare lingered on the dais. Where the pair of thrones sat, a latticework of woven roots and blossoms. They seemed to be holding their breath, too.

From the back of the leftmost royal seat, a deep blue flower petal shivered. Then it was falling in listless swoops and dives, whispering across the seat of the chair.

Hurry.

“Get a carriage,” Cardan said, just loud enough to be heard. The room was silent as a snowbank. “Go.”

There was a beat. Then, the din of metal and rushing of boots and they were all moving again.

The High King and his men took to the forests, guarded with crossbows and swords that might as well be spoons for how much they would protect against the glimpses.

Cardan didn’t know why his wife had decided to catch a glimpse. He had even less of a clue as to why she thought she had to do it alone.

The only thing he knew was the weight on his chest, two boulders sinking into the concavity of his lungs. How furious he was with Jude, and how much that didn’t matter. That her favourite flower was the blue bellflower, and its petals were falling from the throne.

☽☽☽☽☽

Night was encroaching. This, Jude only knew because the game she’d invented—finding pictures in the cracks and shadows of the cave wall to beat back the tide of sleep—was becoming more and more difficult.

She shivered. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been lying there, but the fever had set in.

Jude couldn’t even remember the last time she’d had a fever. It must’ve been when she was six or seven. When she was still living in the mortal world, and her mother was still alive to take care of her and getting fevers was the most of her worries.

Eva had climbed into her bed with two washcloths and snuggled up real close. 

She’d sat there for hours, pressing the warm compress to Jude’s forehead when she was too cold and the cold compress to her forehead when she was too warm. Telling her stories of magical places. Feeding her saltines and seltzer.

Jude had wholly forgotten how it felt to have a fever. It was as if she was being filled to the brim with hot wax and dunked in a bucket of ice water at the same time.

She’d only recently rediscovered how it felt to be comforted. She wondered if she’d ever feel that again.

Maybe, Jude thought, she could imagine herself some comfort. She was so very good at lying, after all. Maybe she could lie to herself. Just for a little while. 

She stared up at the ceiling, listening to the woeful sighs of the glimpses ebb and flow from outside the cave.

She imagined lying next to Cardan in their bed in the Royal Chambers. With nowhere to be and nothing to do, Cardan would cocoon them both in satin sheets, trace lazy shapes around her bare shoulders with the tips of his fingers. Pepper her back with nips and kisses. 

He would agree to be the big spoon for once since she was the one in need of comforting.

“Jude,” he would say softly, caressing her cheek, brushing the hair away from her eyes, “You are perhaps the single most important thing in my life.”

She’d turn her head to nuzzle the crook of his neck. “And you, mine, my love,” she’d say. He smelled like fallen leaves. And burnt toast.

Jude crinkled her nose. Odd. He didn’t usually smell like burnt toast. Had they just had breakfast? She couldn’t remember….

“I don’t understand.” Cardan’s voice was dipped in worry, and he paused the soothing circles of his fingers.

“Cardan,” Jude said, rolling her eyes, “We’ve been over this. I want to be here. I want to be with you. I love you.” 

Sometimes her husband just needed a little reminding. Sometimes she preferred to give him that reminder in other, much more wicked ways. Perhaps today she would give him both.

A sinful smile curled the corners of Jude’s lips. She turned around in Cardan’s arms to face him fully and was about to seal the morning off with a kiss, followed by further disreputable behaviour, when she noticed the look on his face.

It was the same one he wore when he’d looked at her from the riverbank after pushing her in a lifetime ago. The same one that had graced his face when she’d first placed that crown atop his head.

Now, in the bed they shared, Cardan looked at her with nothing but cold ire. “How could you do it?” he whispered, and Jude’s brow furrowed.

“What do you mean?” She didn’t know why, but something slick like tar settled in the pit of her stomach. She wanted him to smooth the crease between her brows. To kiss her forehead and call her his darling god.

But Cardan’s face remained a glacial effigy of the man she’d come to love. With nothing but disdain, he looked down his nose at her and asked, “How could you kill him? How could you murder my brother?”

*Jude sat up straight and vomited all over the cave floor. Then, she was pulled out to sea by a riptide of sleep.

☽☽☽☽☽

The High Queen of Elfhame was spinning. Round and round, a circle of fever dreams.

It was like sitting on a merry-go-round and looking in towards the centre where all those mirrors usually hang. Watching whirling versions of things and lights and yourself pass you by in the reflective panels moving in the opposite direction. 

One terrible vision after the next.

Locke’s water-logged body, blue-green and covered in seaweed, standing at the mouth of the cave. Valerian, dirt pouring from between his teeth as he smiled, walling up the entrance with stones, then filling the cave with blood. Balekin ensorceling her to kiss him, then turning into a giant moth right as her lips touched his. Cardan’s head on a pike with upturned eyes, jaw dropped as if mid-warning. A voice in her head.

Heeding requests, even my own, is the singular skill which evades her grand arsenal.

No key fits every lock.

I do not want Balekin dead.

How could you do it? How could you murder my brother?

Perhaps this is what she deserved. Perhaps she was a monster who couldn’t control herself long enough to keep from hurting those she loved, no better than Madoc. Perhaps Valerian’s curse was coming to fruition, after all.

If Jude could have laughed, she would have. But she could not. Dark waves lapped at the shores of her consciousness; and who was she to ignore the sea?

☽☽☽☽☽

Eventually, there was another voice in her head.

Shit, it said. Yes, she really was in very deep shit.

I FOUND HER, it bellowed, splintering her thoughts. She wondered if she should tell the voice to shut up. Though, it probably already knew that’s what she wanted, since it was in her head, and had probably heard her think it.

It was getting crowded in here. Her head was a swollen, throbbing balloon.

Fucking shit, the voice repeated.

Well, she thought, that was quite rude. No way to address a lady, such as herself. Whoever she was.

Something prodded her leg. 

A sudden, violent wave of pain swept over her.  It rose and rose and rose, but never fell. Darkness pulled her to its depths again.

☽☽☽☽☽

Can you hear me?

Stay awake. Stay. Awake.

*The voice was urgent. And constant. And very annoying. It felt like a cheese grater running down her mind. Her throat burned. Maybe the voice had run a cheese grater over that, too. Her hand slid into something wet. It smelled like sick.

Then, there was a cold compress on her forehead.

“Mom?” she croaked, her voice like cracked plaster. She lifted the heavy weight of her eyelids.

A figure was looming over her. It was too dark to see who, but her heart thrashed against her chest, all the same. This was another terrible dream. She was not sure she could take another one of those. Then again, she was in no position to fend it off if it decided to come. She was in no position to do anything, really.

“Not mom, Your Majesty,” the figure sighed, removing the compress. “You’re burning up.” 

Not a compress. Hands.

“Whose Majesty?” she asked through the haze in her mind. Everything was so confusing. Everything was also spinning.

She heard rummaging. Next thing she knew, a match had been struck, and the room filled with warm light. The figure looking down at her was indeed a woman, though it was indeed not her mother.

She had familiar plumes of white hair circling her head like smoke. Full, wine-red lips pressed into a weak smile. “Hello, Jude,” the woman said.

Yes, that must be who she was. She opened her mouth to thank the beautiful woman for the reminder, but all Jude could seem to do was squint. She knew this woman from somewhere.

“I’m going to pick you up now, okay?”

Jude could not muster the wherewithal to reply. Strong hands gripped her shoulders, slid gingerly under her knees. Then, the world tilted, shifted, until she was right up against something warm and solid.

Jude looked up at the woman. “You’re ethereal,” she murmured, staring up at the soft planes of her face. Blush blossomed a stain of pink across the woman’s cheeks. “Are you god?”

The woman snorted, then. Jude didn’t understand what was so funny. It seemed a perfectly reasonable question to ask. Since she was dying, and all.

“That’s quite enough of that, Your Majesty,” the woman said. “Let’s get you home.”

Home, Jude mused. She’d thought she was home, but maybe… she was wrong? Wherever home was, it sounded nice. She should like to go there someday.

☽☽☽☽☽

She was deep inside a cave. She could see nothing, but echoes of conversation pinged off the walls.

Delirious. Didn’t know who I was.

Reckon it’s the fever?

The infection perhaps?

Could be, but you need to keep her awake.

Can I hold her? Please?

The moon was a Cheshire cat smile above her. It grinned, then shattered into one hundred panes of opaline glass—a dragonfly’s wing, splitting her knee wide open.

☽☽☽☽☽

When Jude woke again, she knew she was home. 

She was being jostled around a bit, and her leg felt like someone had set it on fire, but she didn’t mind. She was wrapped in something soft. The sound of hooves on packed earth thundered in her ears.

Her name was being called.

“Jude,” someone said, over and over, a litany. A curse. “Jude, my love, you mustn’t fall asleep. You must stay awake. Can you do that for me, Jude? Please, stay with me.”

She opened her eyes. Blinked slow. The disembodied voice belonged to someone. That someone cradled her in his lap, holding her face between his hands. Everything was blurry, but she’d know those hands anywhere.

“Jude?” he whispered.

She summoned the tattered bits of her strength, lifting her hand to cover one of his. It was shaking.

“I know you,” Jude said, willing her eyes to focus. A keening sound tore from him.

Him. She knew his name. What was it? Her mind was so muddled by exhaustion and the riot of pain in her left leg, she could not remember. She was so angry at herself for not remembering.

Jude frowned. Huffed. Tried to refocus her eyes. It was the most important name, more important even than her own. She was a terrible person for forgetting it. She was pretty sure she was a terrible person anyway, but forgetting his name made her even worse.

She lifted a hand to his cheek. Her frown deepened. “Why is your face wet?”

“Because I’m very worried for my wife,” he said, in a strained sort of voice.

“You have a wife?” Envy billowed, a parachute in her chest. Which was ridiculous. She couldn’t even see this man. How could she possibly know if she was jealous?

He breathed a laugh. “Yes,” he told her, stroking her hair gently. “She is a headstrong, ornery fool who holds a vendetta against my poor nerves.”

Everything was quite difficult at the moment. All Jude could think was how beautiful this man’s voice sounded and how very badly she wanted to go back to sleep.

“Hmm.” She closed her eyes again. “She sounds awful.”

“No,” he said. “She is not.”

☽☽☽☽☽

*Watching his wife being carried off like a rag doll into the Royal Chambers, blood-spattered and covered in her own sick, Cardan Greenbriar had never felt so small.

~He felt smaller now than when Dain had tricked him, and he’d been kicked out of the palace for a murder he did not commit. Smaller now than all the times Balekin had removed his belt. Smaller now than when he was a kid crawling beneath the dining table, scrounging for scraps of food and attention.

The Bomb had explicitly forbidden Cardan from accompanying them further than the ante-chamber.

“If I’m going to heal her,” she’d said to him firmly, pausing outside the bedroom doors, “I’m going to need the utmost focus. Which will certainly not be achieved by you being in there, all blubbering and sentimental. So unless you know anything about mortal biology…”

Cardan had never in his life wished to be mortal; but suddenly, the desire to be one was visceral. He’d never wanted to lie more than he did in that moment. He tried to will the words past his lips, but they snagged in his throat. 

He was unable as ever.

So he’d been kicked out of his own bedroom. Away from his own wife. Who may or may not be dying.

The matter was still inconclusive. Cardan read it on the faces of the cycle of people poking their heads out in intervals to check on him or bring him tea. Sometimes, it was the Roach. Sometimes, the Ghost. Only once was it the Bomb, who had been hard at work for endless hours, and needed a break. 

Her face was just as dour as the rest.

“I know how you’re feeling,” she muttered, sliding down the wall to sit next to him on the floor just outside the bedroom doors. “If you need to talk—”

“What I need, Liliver, is for you to heal her,” Cardan snapped. 

He regretted the words as soon as he’d said them. She was only trying to comfort him. She, too, had once been forced to watch as her beloved toed the line between life and death. Right now, though, the High King did not have the strength to feel sorry for anyone but himself.

The Bomb only nodded. Once, short and curt. She left him to his misery after that. Cardan supposed he’d probably have a lot of apologising to do to a lot of people by the end of this.

A while later, and rather belatedly, he realised he could very well just barge in there and demand to stay. Magical oath or not, he was still High King. They would still listen to him. 

But maybe the Bomb had a point. Maybe it would only make him more anxious, to be in there; he did not want to impede on Jude’s progress. Maybe nothing was the most he could do.

All his life, he’d spent doing most every childish thing. He’d tugged on the tails of cats, threw tantrums when he didn’t get his way, threatened people when they offended him. 

Now, Cardan sat there on the floor with his head in his hands, doing absolutely nothing, and felt more like a child than ever.

☽☽☽☽☽

Jude was a dragonfly hovering over water, dipping in and out of sleep. She was flying and then sinking and then flying again.

It went like this for a while. 

She’d fall asleep in one place and drift to the surface of consciousness in another. Sometimes she felt no pain. Sometimes she felt a great deal of pain all at once. The latter would usually send her careening back into nothingness.

On occasion, she’d awaken just long enough to recognise the faces floating in and out of her vision. The Roach, with his scythe of a nose. The Ghost, with his sandy hair and silent demeanour. The Bomb, who Jude had a strange, vague feeling was blushing every time she looked at her. She even recognised a nurse or two.

Always, there were people. There was one face, however, that she did not see.

“Bomb,” Jude rasped, and the faerie’s eyes met hers. “If I die, would you tell him I hated him? Tell him, that’s why I did it.”

“What do you mean?” The Bomb asked. But Jude was already drifting again.

☽☽☽☽☽

Next Part

Last Part

Masterlist

AN: I am…so sorry. I’ll be the first to say, I am the absolute worst for telling you guys this was going to be a two-shot and then leaving this on such a cliffhanger and making you wait for a third part. Don’t hate me? The good news is, I have a lot of the last part written. The bad news is, the last part is what has been keeping me from updating-- writing it feels more and more like giving birth with each passing day.

So if you enjoyed this part, and would like to give me some writerly encouragement in the form of a comment/reblog/keyboard smash/message/ask, any and all of the above would basically be like giving me a dose of that sweet, sweet epidural and I would be forever grateful :’)

If you’d like to be updated on the next part of this Three-Shot (to come very soon), let me know and I’ll add you to the tag list! Back to the woods now. -em 🖤💫

Title Inspo: Follow You Down to the Red Oak Tree by James Vincent McMorrow

Tag List: @velarhysismine​ @the-mithridatism-of-jude-duarte​ @knifewifejude​ @clockworkgraystairs​ @jurdanhell​ @judexcardanxgreenbriar​ @hizqueen4life​ @nite0wl29​ @mysweetvilllain​ @thesirenwashere​

[bodytoflame-ao3]

falling from the start

did i write more wlw percabeth? you bet your ass i did!!!!!! i accidentally deleted the ask but for the anon who asked for fem!percy asking her mom for advice here it is :^) this takes place in the summer between botl and tlo. i absolutely want to write more in this same universe please give me more prompts omfg im begging this is so fun

Ao3 Link

“So how's Annabeth?”

Percy pushes the last few peas around her plate absentmindedly, “I don't know.” She doesn't, and she hates it. Ever since the end of summer, things had been so… weird. She didn't know what Annabeth's deal was. First off, for whatever reason, she hated Rachel. Percy didn't get it. Rachel was kind, and funny, and caring, and a really good friend to Percy (even if she was a mortal and didn’t understand some of the nuances of being a half-blood). It made her wonder what Rachel could've possibly done to upset her.

In any case, she didn’t know what she did to upset Annabeth either. Which brings her mind to the one thing she's been trying to push away since it happened: Annabeth kissing her. Because, right, Annabeth kissed her. It threatens to turn Percy's brain to mush every time she thinks about it. She daydreamed about kissing her, probably more than she should, so she should be crazy about it actually happening, but something in her gut just feels… wrong. For lack of a better description, Annabeth kissing her confuses the hell out of her. She loved Luke. She said so herself. She obviously didn't like Percy like that, so then why did she kiss her?

“I thought you were going to try to talk every weekend.”

Percy shrugs. That’s right. #2 on the list of weird things. They were. Annabeth wanted to know everything about her mom's wedding. But it’s been three weeks and she hasn’t made a single attempt to contact Percy; she’d worry she was in trouble if she didn’t know any better.

“Did you two get in a fight?”

“I don't know!” The fork clatters against the plate. She can’t stop her thoughts from spiraling out of control, and she hates herself for it.

“Percy,” her mom sits down next to her at the table and places a reassuring hand on her back.

“I don't know… I mean, there was the whole thing with the Labyrinth, and when I came back she just… she was so annoyed at me. Which, I mean, yeah that makes sense, it's totally like her to be annoyed that she thought I was dead, because that's exactly what she told me not to do, and since when do I ever listen to her?” She can't stop the flood of thoughts from coming out of her mouth. “I thought she would get over it, and she'd just tease me about it for a week like always and then everything would be fine, but then she was really mean to Rachel, even though she was just trying to help! She's never done anything to her, and I… I don't want my friends to fight. We're supposed to be fighting monsters, not each other.”

“Have you tried talking to her?”

“No but… she would’ve called if she wanted to talk to me.”

“I don’t know about that. You picked a stubborn one.”

Her mom decides movie night is the best way to mitigate her worries. Percy’s always loved The Little Mermaid (Sally’s always thought that was hilarious). Yeah, it’s ironic. You don’t need to tell her that twice, she’s been teased enough by her mom. To be perfectly fair, she always thought Ariel was stupid for leaving the ocean, because duh, it’s awesome, but she loved the music, and that was enough to make a toddler obsessed with something. By the time she realized how ridiculous it was for it to be the daughter of Poseidon’s favorite movie, it was already too big a part of her.

Usually, it’s easy for her to sit down and lose herself in it. She knows every scene almost word for word, and she loves every second of it, so there isn’t anywhere her mind wants to wander to. Nothing to analyze, nothing to be confused over. Tonight, however, she can’t concentrate. That is to say, even worse than usual. Her brain feels like the static of dead air on a TV. Fuzzy. Tingling? Buzzing. Just… stuck. As much as she wants to just lay down and have a normal, quiet movie night with her mom she doubts it’ll actually happen, because the only thing on her mind is Annabeth. She thinks about way she smirks when she has an idea, how her grey eyes shine against the moonlight, and the slight change in the cadence in her voice when she’s teasing Percy.

“Mom?” Percy needs to tell someone or she’s going to explode. Possibly literally. “I think I'm in love with Annabeth.”

“Mhm?”

Really? Percy glares at her, pouting. She’s not surprised, because she’s convinced her mom can practically read her mind, and she's teased her about it to no end.

“Do you want me to act like I didn't know?” She wonders if it would be easier that way. Sally furrows her eyebrows and sighs, “Percy…”

Percy almost whispers her response: “No… I want you to tell me everything’s gonna work out.” But it’s not. It won’t. “I want you to tell me she’s not going to hate me and I’m not going to lose one of the most important people in my life!” As her frustration builds, so does her voice, reaching a crescendo as her final words echo off the walls of the apartment.

“Come here,” she pats the couch cushion, and Percy drags herself off the chair to sit next to her. “I know it’s not easy.”

Percy’s not sure she knows what easy is.

“I had a crush on one of my best friends once.”

“It’s not the same! She’s—”

“A girl?” Sally offers quietly. Percy didn’t make it a habit to talk about these kinds of things, despite how close she was with her mom. She’d be lying if she said it didn’t scare her a bit at first; it’s not like the idea of liking girls was something she came to terms with easily. But it had been a whole hell of a lot easier than grappling with the fact that she liked Annabeth.

“No… I mean yes, but… I mean… she’s Annabeth.” She’s my best friend, and she’s smart, and wise, and tough, and she’s beautiful without even trying, and she doesn’t even know it, but her hair shines in the sun like it’s dusted with gold, and her eyes could stare into the depths of your soul and you’d ask her to do it again.

It happened slowly. Sure, her first thought when she woke up at Camp Half-Blood, Annabeth’s curls hanging down into her face, was, infact, ‘wow, she’s pretty.’ (She’s still not sure if that was the concussion talking or not, she digresses), but she was twelve, and wasn't thinking about things like that, not really. Soon, 'wow, she's pretty' turned into 'wow, she's tough' and 'maybe she can help me find my mom', and then they were a team, the three of them. By the time she realized she may have a teensy tiny crush on her, they were already bantering like old friends; and Annabeth was a clingy friend, so while Percy's heart would beat a little faster when she'd grab her hand, she knew Annabeth wouldn't fuss over something so simple. She finally had a friend, a girl (because there were just some things Grover didn’t need, or want to know) who she could talk to and share her secrets with (well, not all of them), and she wasn't about to ruin that by saying something stupid and fleeting.

Percy thought it would pass, after all it was just a stupid crush. She'd get over it. That's what always happened. But this time it didn't, and it just got worse. Now there was something different in the way her breath hitched when Annabeth would lean close to her; a change in the sense that her heart now fluttered when she called her Seaweed Brain.

She hated that her brain was betraying her like this. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her best friend. She was supposed to save the world, not complicate it with her messy relationship drama — not that you could even call it that.

“Oh, honey,” Sally wraps her arms around Percy, pulling her close, “She cares about you. And I know you care about her.”

“But what if she hates me?”

“Do you really think she could?”

She was right. She always was.

“She’ll come around. Give her some time. And give her a call — I’m sure she misses you.”

[learnjp]

コンビニ・Convenience Stores Hey guys, I haven't been very active recently as I've had a lot of stuff to do in my personal life recently and now my final semester at uni has started as well! I've got two courses left for my TESOL graduate certificate which I'm pretty excited about. I need to start looking into work experience and volunteering. So much to do, so little time. Anyway, thanks to a lovely anon I'm going to do a post on useful expressions to use when visiting the コンビニ in Japan! コンビニ is the Japanese abbreviation for 'convenience stores' and there are thousands all over Japan! They're usually open for 24 hours and you can get really cheap and yum meals and snacks at convenience stores, as well as a variety of hot and cold drinks, manga, magazines, and daily necessaries. Convenience stores also like to bring out seasonal products and limited edition items and food products for their customers. They usually always have ATMS so you can get cash out (this is probably one of the best places for foreigners to go to get cash out when in Japan and using an overseas credit card), but you can also pay for your bills there too. The major convenience store chains in Japan are 7-Eleven, Lawson, and FamilyMart. Check out this article for more information regarding what services are available at convenience stores in Japan! You guys should also check out this video I found on basic expressions at a convenience store! It shows both the Japanese and English translation in the video so you can take notes.  Below are some vocabulary and expressions that you might come across or need to use while at a コンビニ! I've tried to list the most common or popular foods and items that you'll come across at convenience stores, but of course this is just my opinion! So feel free to reblog this post and add to it. Vocabulary: Cash・現金・げんきん Convenience store・コンビニ「コンビニエンスストア」 Credit card・カード「クレジットカード」 Deep fried・フライ Expensive・高い・たかい Grilled・焼く・やく Magazine・雑誌・ざっし Manga・漫画・マンガ Money・お金・おかね New release・新発売・しんはつばい Part-timer・アルバイト Price・原価・げんか Raw・生・なま Seared・炙り・あぶり Seasonal/Limited・季節限定・きせつげんてい Storeclerk・店員・てんいん Sweet・甘い・あまい Toilet・トイレ Umbrella・傘・かさ Bread・パン Calpis・カルピス Coffee・コーヒー Cup noodle・カップヌードル Eggs・卵・たまご French croquette・コロッケ Fried pork cutlet sandwich・トンカツサンド Fruit・果物・くだもの Hi-chew・ハイチュウ Jagariko・じゃがりこ (my favourite Japanese chips) Japanese boxed lunch・弁当・べんとう Milk・牛乳・ぎゅうにゅう Milk tea・ミルクティー Omelette rice・オムライス Pork bun・肉まん・にくまん Rice ball・御握り・おにぎり／お結び・おむすび Ramen・ラーメン Seaweed・海苔・のり Spanish flan・プリン Vegetables・野菜・やさい Yakisoba・焼きそば・やきそば Expressions: Certainly.・かしこまりました。 Check, please.・お会計お願いします。・おかいけいおねがいします。 Do you want it warmed up?・温めますか。・あたためますか。*** How much is it?・いくらですか。 I'll take this.・これ下さい。・これください。 I will pay with ~~.・～～で払います。・～～ではらいます。 Next customer please.・お次のお客様。・おつぎのおきゃくさま。 Please wait a moment.・ちょっと待って下さい・ちょっとまってください。* Then, please.・それからお願いします。・それからおねがいします。** Thank you.・ありがとうございます。 Welcome!・いらっしゃいませ！ We hope to see you again.・またお越し下さいませ。・またおこしくださいませ。 What are you looking for?・何をお探しですか。・なにをおさがしですか Notes:

* can be said when you need a moment to get your change together, and once you've got your change ready and place it down you can say **.

They usually have a small plate on the counter where you should place your cash. You shoudn't give it to them in their hand directly.

It's unncessary to reply when a staff member greets you with "いらっしゃいませ", but if you feel awkward not saying anything back you could simply reply with "こんにちは" and bow your head slightly. You don't have to say things like "hello" and "goodbye" during these types of transcations. Just make sure to thank them when you leave!

*** = If you purchase something that can be heated up then the staff will ask you if you would like it heated up. They might ask it about things that could surprise you too, like おにぎり！

[iamnesta]

We Shall.

Faking Dating AU -- Jude x Cardan (The Cruel Prince)

A/N: I really hope y’all like this, because I had so much fun writing it!! Hope this lives up you your expectations, anon <3

EDIT: there are some stupid fucken format issues on tumblr but you can also read this on Ao3. 

requested by anon

***

As a general rule, when the Queen of the Undersea glowers at the mortal girl beside you and asks whether you’re bedding her, your response should not be to wrap your arm around the girl’s waist and press your lips to her brow. When the aforementioned queen says, “So this is the vermin you replaced my daughter with,” you shouldn’t shrug your shoulders and smile.

And yet. And yet. That was exactly what Cardan had done, and now Orlagh’s words echoed in Jude’s head.

I am most intrigued by your human partner, High King. Perhaps the two of you should join me for dinner so that I can better get to know her.

Jude grit her teeth in the mirror as an imp twisted her hair into elaborate braids. She had screamed and shouted at Cardan for hours after the encounter with Orlagh, but all he had done was laugh. He was so unconcerned with the affairs of Elfhame, had no regard whatsoever with maintaining powerful allies. Orlagh was an extremely powerful ally indeed, and pissing her off could easily result in war.

“My beloved,” a sarcastic voice slithered from the doorway, “You look lovely.”

The imp immediately bent into a low bow, her nose almost scraping the floor. Jude sent Cardan a withering glare in the mirror. “I swear to god,” she ground out, “If you screw this up…”

Cardan sashayed over, his black eyes glinting mischievously. “A little trust goes a long way,” he whispered into Jude’s ear, tracing the line of her jaw with a pale finger.

Jude shoved him away from her with disgust. He laughed as he stumbled back. “I thought we were pretending to be lovers,” Cardan simpered, uncorking the flask that was secured at his hip and taking a generous sip.

“Alright, pretty boy,” Jude snarled, whirling around to face her adversary. Cardan’s eyebrows jumped up in delight at the nickname, and Jude prayed her own surprise didn’t show on her face. “Here’s the deal: we’ll keep up this charade for one night, and one night only. We’re only doing this to placate Orlagh, and once the dinner is finished, we never speak of it again.”

With a lethargic shrug of his shoulders, Cardan sighed, “Fair enough.”

After giving her reflection one last inspection, Jude nodded to herself and lifted her rustling skirts, sweeping past Cardan and into the hall. Cardan jogged after her, his long legs easily catching up with her brisk strides.

“Shall I offer you my arm?” He asked, holding out his elbow for Jude to take.

Without sparing him so much as a glance, she snapped, “No.”

***

As the unhappy couple approached the beach, Cardan snaked his arm around Jude and pulled her closer to his body. “Smile,” he hissed from behind his own false grin.

Jude twisted her lips into a grimace. “I hate you,” she whispered vehemently, and this time Cardan didn’t argue.

If anything can be said about Queen Orlagh, it is that she’s a generous hostess. Beside the roaring surf of the sea, a table made of dark red wood and overflowing with food glittered beneath the midnight sky. Intricate candelabra with guttering flames were interspersed between crystalline goblets and platters made of gold. Steaming heaps of seafood cluttered the tabletop, the scent of lemon blending with the salt of ocean waves.

Orlagh herself sat poised at the head of the table, her glistening hair floating in the breeze like seaweed. She wore an opulent gown made entirely of shells, and shimmering, pink-white pearls covered her neck and chest like armor.

“My esteemed guests!” Orlagh exclaimed, standing and opening her arms wide with welcome. Her bright smile stretched from ear to ear, her shark eyes flashing.

Jude and Cardan exchanged an uneasy glance as they took their seats.

“Thank you for inviting us,” Cardan said politely, his nervous gaze sliding to Jude.

“Yes, thank you,” Jude forced out stiffly.

If Orlagh noticed her company’s discomfort, she didn’t show it. Instead, she motioned for a server and said, “Wine?”

“Please,” Cardan replied gratefully, his voice full of relief. He held out his goblet for the server and watched hungrily as deep red liquid poured from the decanter.

Orlagh began piling food onto her plate, signaling for Jude and Cardan to do the same. Tearing into an entire lobster, Orlagh asked, “So when exactly did this dalliance begin? I had no idea the High King’s tastes were so…exotic.”

“Well,” Cardan began, taking Jude’s hand and lacing their fingers together. She shot him a scathing glare and he smirked. “I have been rather fascinated by Jude ever since she first arrived in Faerie. She and her sister were the first mortals to be raised as Gentry and I must admit I was…captivated.” His eyes wandered to where he and Jude’s fingers were linked, and he unfastened them so that he could draw circles on her palm with his thumb.

The endearing touch was not lost on Orlagh, and her lips pressed into a thin line.

Aware of the effect his actions had on the queen, Cardan lifted Jude’s knuckles to his lips and offered Orlagh a charming smile. “For many years I perceived my feelings toward Jude as hatred, but I have come to realize that I was mistaken,” he continued. “When Nicasia left me for Locke, I spiraled into anger and alcohol, and the only person who could pull me out of that was Jude.”

Orlagh winced visibly at the mention of her daughter’s infidelity. As Cardan finished his speech, Jude couldn’t help but stare at him. As a fae, he couldn’t lie, which meant that everything he’d said about her was true. Cardan carefully avoided Jude’s gaze as he took a swig of wine.

“Fascinating,” Orlagh said bitterly, stabbing violently at her meal. Her scheming grin had morphed into a sneer, the expression identical to that of Nicasia’s.

The trio ate in strained silence, the rising tide lapping at their feet. Abruptly, Orlagh dropped her silverware with a clatter. “What I don’t understand,” she said loudly, “Is what makes a mortal so special. My daughter is far superior in both intellect and beauty.” Jude flinched and a muscle in Cardan’s jaw jumped. “So my question is this: how does a fragile, human girl get chosen over a princess?”

Jude could feel Cardan’s entire body tense up beside her. She kicked him beneath the table and shot him a sharp glance, warning him to calm down. With what she hoped was a sweet smile, Jude attempted to console Orlagh by saying, “You know, it’s not that unusual for a faerie to have a mortal consort.”

“Cardan’s too noble for a consort,” Orlagh retorted, her voice dripping with venom.

If she had been anywhere else, Jude would have laughed at Cardan being described as noble. The cruel boy she had known all throughout her childhood had been the exact opposite. But with Orlagh staring her down from the opposite end of the table, Jude didn’t feel like laughing. She felt like running far, far away.

“I have no patience for this,” Cardan suddenly announced, his tone bored and drawling. “I will not waste my time defending the woman I have chosen to stand beside me to someone so obstinate. I am the High King, not some peasant who is incapable of making his own decisions.” Cardan stood, tossing his napkin down on his chair. He held out his hand to Jude, helping her rise to her feet. “Thank you for such a bountiful supper, Queen Orlagh. Have a wonderful rest of your evening.”

For the second time that night, Cardan offered Jude his elbow. “Shall we?” He murmured, charcoal eyes gleaming and lips curving into a feline smile.

Jude looped her arm through his. “We shall.”

***

Thank you so much for reading!! Don’t forget that requests are always open and that I have a masterlist. <3

[dotshiiki]

heyyy! idk if u remember but about a week ago an anon, me😂, messaged you saying i was on chapter 8 of the curse of lethe. i just finished it and i absolutely loved it!! it took me a while to finish because of school but it was amazing! i was wondering if you can make another part where percy pops the question and him and annabeth and all their friends plan the wedding and they have twins, a boy and girl!! that would be adorable and ik you would write something amazing. thank you so much!!

Hey! Thank you so much for that comment it was so nice and I’m really stoked you liked the whole fic! I did the proposal fic before here, but here’s some twin-baby!fic for you (it kind of came out only loosely related to the CoL-verse, but hope it sorta fits anyway). I’ll have to think more on the wedding planning stuff–put a pin in that, and I’ll get back to it another day. And sorry this is all rushed and a bit of a late reply, I just got back to work after being on holiday and I’m also moving in a few weeks plus I have too many WIPs but yeah. Enjoy!

‘How about Felix?’ Percy says. 'Piper said it means “lucky.”’ He runs his hands over the curve of Annabeth’s belly, which is expanding rapidly by the day. Sometimes she thinks it’s a bit alarming, the rate at which her son or daughter is growing. If this is the size of her at three months, what is she going to look like at six, or even nine?

(Piper, with the smug superiority of someone who’s been there, done that, laughs and says it’s normal, but that’s easy for her to say. Annabeth swears Piper was nowhere near as big when she was carrying her son. Then again, that could just be a gift from Aphrodite.)

Percy loves it, though. He can’t seem to keep his hands of her burgeoning belly, whispering to it and trying on two dozen names a day for size. She’s never seen him this excited, not even when he and Tyson built that underwater theme park for Estelle.

'She could be Felicity,’ Annabeth counters.

Percy makes a face. 'Another girls’ name?’

'Well, you keep coming up with boys’ names. We don’t know that he’s a boy.’

'I think he is.’

Annabeth makes an impatient noise in the back of her throat. 'We ought to be prepared for both eventualities,’ she reminds him. 'At least until we get the ultrasound.’ She looks at her watch, then at the door to Will’s office. There’s a carving of Eileithyia below the name plate that says Dr Solace, OB-GYN. It’s certainly appropriate—you definitely want the goddess of childbirth on your side when you’re expecting—but it makes Annabeth a little uneasy. Eileithyia also delivers rebirthed souls, fresh from the Lethe, into new babies sometimes.

Annabeth’s had more than enough to do with the Curse of Lethe to last ten lifetimes.

'Asher?’ Percy suggests.

She gives him a look and pushes his hands off her stomach. 'Why are you so dead set on having a boy, anyway? What’s wrong with girls?’

Percy winces at her tone. 'Nothing. Girls are perfect. Girls are amazing. I love girls. I mean—’

'Honestly, Seaweed Brain …’

'I love this girl,’ he amends, pushing one loose curl behind her ear. 'It’s just …’ He bites his lip and mumbles something.

'What?’

'What if I screw up, with a girl? I mean, look at how much I messed up with you, and I put my mom through hell over the years, and—well, at least with a boy, I sorta know what to expect.’

'Oh, Percy.’ She swallows through the lump in her throat. She can’t deny that the last twenty years of loving him has been painful. Her heart’s pretty much been put through the wringer by now, what with crazy quests and deadly prophecies and vengeful monsters … but none of that was ever Percy’s fault, and they both know it.

Well, most of the time he knows it. But expecting a baby tends to bring up a lot of past insecurities. Annabeth herself can’t quite shake the nightmares about things going wrong, being unable to protect this tiny seed of life blossoming inside her, that old, persistent phobia of never being good enough.

But she knows that even with all the tears and heartache, she’d do it all over again as long as it means she gets to have Percy with her forever. And it will be the same, whatever their future with this new baby brings.

She links her hand through Percy’s so that the twin wedding bands on their fingers interlock—each with half an infinity symbol that forms the full thing when they connect. 'We’re going to be fine, Percy.’ She rests both their hands over her belly. ’They’re going to be fine, whichever one they are. Because whatever crap we messed up, you and I, we always picked up the pieces and put them back together.’

As if to back her up, their baby stirs inside her, pressing up against the wall of her abdomen. Percy’s eyes widen a little.

'See?’ she says. 'They agree with me.’ Gods, she loves the kid already.

'Smart kid.’ Percy bends forward and whispers conspiratorially, 'Never bet against your mom, okay?’

The door opens and Will’s head pops out. 'Annabeth, Percy—come on in.’

Percy holds her hand as Will sets up the ultrasound. His eyes are shining as he stares at the blobby shapes forming on the computer screen. Will runs the ultrasound transducer over her skin, and there it is—the spindly limbs, the round head of their child.

'Wow,’ Percy breathes. 'Oh wow.’

'Looking good,’ Will says. 'Now let’s see—’ He moves the transducer.

Annabeth’s heart nearly stops when another round head comes into view.

'What’s that?’ Percy demands. 'Is that … oh gods, something’s wrong, isn’ it? Why does he have two heads?’

Will laughs. 'Well, it’s unexpected, I’ll give you that. But no, nothing’s wrong.’ He removes the transducer and types a few commands into his ultrasound computer. The image zooms out. This time, the picture shows clearly two heads, but also two tiny bodies curled together, like the two halves of her infinity wedding band.

Twins.

'Congratulations,’ Will says, pointing just below the umbilical cord connecting her two—two—babies. One of them has an extra appendage there; the other doesn’t. 'A boy and a girl.’

Well. She said they should plan for either eventuality, but she’d kind of failed to plan for this possibility. The Fates still had a hidden card up their sleeves after all.

'I guess we’ll need both names after all,’ she says faintly.

Percy kisses her. 'I guess we do.’