#...oh man I just read this back

[sprout-fics]

Little Mouse

(König x F! Reader)

Masterlist here!

Word count: 4.8k Rating: Teen and Up Tags: Female Reader, Sniper Reader, Abductions, Interrogations, Hostage situation, Injuries, Kidnapping, Rescues, 141 Reader Warnings: Abduction, Semi-unwanted touching A/N: This is my first official attempt at a König piece, hopefully it isn't terrible

Summary:

Hands. One on your wrist, the other on your shoulder. You sigh at first, relieved and thankful, expecting Gaz's voice to filter through the buzz between your ears, concerned and urgent. Yet there's only silence, a solitude that leaves you empty and reaching for the familiar, for your comrade to right you, help you limp to safety.

It's not him.

The hands are too large, too broad, and when they touch you it isn't with a firm, insistent touch you expect from the sergeant. No, they're rough, shoving, pulling, flipping you over even as that crack inside you threatens to fracture further, pain blossoming bright and scarlet behind your eyelids. You can hardly move, but even then you try to struggle, writhing and kicking weakly at whoever it is who's seized you, who's lifting you up into their arms. You rise, and then rise higher, dully realizing that whoever this is, they're huge.

Something covers your face. Your body jostles as the person who has your limp form tossed over their shoulder moves, marching away, into the night.

The world is spinning, shaking. You're caught in a rogue wave, tumbling and twisting under the ocean's surface as the inertia of it carries you, lifts you. Air seeps from your lungs, choked with dust and debris as you feel it float upwards. You try to follow it, try to discern which way is up, struggling towards the surface of your own consciousness only to sink deeper, deeper into the abyss.

Gaz is laying somewhere nearby. He had been right beside you when the blast went off. You had heard a voice just before the clatter of metal had caught both of your attention. Thick, accented, thunderous. It had startled you, distracted you enough that it took a moment too long for you to react.

You had heard Gaz scream, voice rising to a fever pitch before he lunged for you, reaching, hands outstretched-

You don't ever remember hearing the sound. A flash of brightness more radiant than the sun itself, burning through your night vision goggles and searing your vision. The blast had sent you reeling backwards, body thrown into the cracked concrete wall behind you just as reality faded to indiscernible shapes and sounds.

When you breathe, you taste blood on your lips, dust from the grenade coating your tongue. Something inside you feels cracked, broken. When you suck in air there's a bright, burning flash of pain that digs inside your veins, blunted by the shock of your impact and the sheer, ringing noise of the world around you.

"Gaz..." You try, reaching out an arm as you lay on your side, trying to find your comrade in the darkness. He doesn't respond, and that's enough to send alarm spiking through you, eyes blinking open in a vain attempt to locate the sergeant within the pitch black of the ruined house. He had been closer to the grenade, you think, trying to push you out of the realm of the blast while you had been frozen, foolishly stupefied by the voice-

The voice-

You still, and a new dread courses through you now at the realization that someone had tossed the grenade, that your sniper nest has been compromised, that you two aren't alone.

"Gaz-!" You try again, managing to scoot yourself forward half a foot to where you think he might be. Fires flicker around you both, small flames from the larger burn outside that casts dancing shadows on the inside of the room. They must have missed, you think. The grenade had clattered against the outside wall, the worst of the blast absorbed by the concrete and yet still enough to send debris raining down on you both, knock you both to the floor and render you prone.

Hands. One on your wrist, the other on your shoulder. You sigh at first, relieved and thankful, expecting Gaz's voice to filter through the buzz between your ears, concerned and urgent. Yet there's only silence, a solitude that leaves you empty and reaching for the familiar, for your comrade to right you, help you limp to safety.

It's not him.

The hands are too large, too broad, and when they touch you it isn't with a firm, insistent touch you expect from the sergeant. No, they're rough, shoving, pulling, flipping you over even as that crack inside you threatens to fracture further, pain blossoming bright and scarlet behind your eyelids. You can hardly move, but even then you try to struggle, writhing and kicking weakly at whoever it is who's seized you, who's lifting you up into their arms. You rise, and then rise higher, dully realizing that whoever this is, they're huge.

"K-Kyle-!" You call, trying to summon his aid, wherever he lays in the settling dust. "Kyle, h-help-"

Something covers your face. Your body jostles as the person who has your limp form tossed over their shoulder moves, marching away, into the night.

---

The world comes back to you in dull, ashen washes of color, shades of smoke and bones that throb on the inside of your skull with a distant, pulsing pain. When you suck in air, you feel the carve of whatever injury nestles below your chest spike, laced with a blooming bruise that  extends outwards along your ribs. It summons a hiss from you, a sharp exhale as you force yourself to breathe through the pain.

It's remarkably silent, you notice, as you begin to take in the details of the world around you. The pop of gunfire, the crackle of smoldering embers has long since been extinguished, and in its place is the simple, quiet drip of a damp interior. The world around you remains shaded, caught in inky darkness as a single, flickering lantern casts a pale light into the cell you've been placed in.

Your eyes flick over to the bars then, taking in the puddled hallway. Immediately you rise, unable to stop a cry at whatever is broken inside you flaring to life once more. It takes a moment, but you swing your legs over the cot shoved hastily into the corner, standing and limping to the doorway. Yet when you peer into the dimness of the hallway there's nothing there.

Empty.

You force a sigh, bitter and disappointed, tinged with guilt as you lean against the stone wall to your side. At your waist your hands clink in their cuffs, the metal biting at your wrists.

Captured then. Ambushed and taken by surprise and then taken, whisked away into the dead of night while Gaz remained alone, injured, worse. The bite of it digs inside you, deeper than any wound, fear for yourself and worry for your comrade clogging your throat. You force it down, breathe despite the pain, despite the mounting panic inside you, trying to regain your sense of logic.

Captured, but by who?

The cell you and Gaz had been tracking had no idea you were there, you were sure of it. They hadn't noticed either of you set up on the hill, scopes at the ready and voices low into your comms. Yet you can still remember the touch of the person who took you- as you were slung over a hulking frame, hands engulfing your wrists, the width of your arms.

A monster.

As if summoned from the shadows by the mere thought, you hear footsteps down the hallway. Heavy, rumbling, as if they shake at the earth themselves.

It takes mere moments for you to press yourself away from the bars, backing yourself up against the rear wall of the cell just as a hulking figure casts a shadow over your form.

You freeze.

A towering stature, clad in shades of black and green. You follow him from his boots upwards, taking note of his thighs, the side of trunks and his solid, immovable weight. His hands hang loose at his sides, forearms covered in plated armor and fingers twitching. Yet it's only once your eyes rise to his face that you flinch, shiver at what you find there.

His eyes. Hidden underneath a hood, and where there's holes there's track marks, as if tear trails have bleached the fabric. You can't contain a shudder, not when this man before you looks for all the world like an executioner, his eyes unblinking, seeing the end of your fate. They stare at you, gaze downward at your tensed form, squinting in the darkness. Observing. Watching.

"Awake?" This man, this giant asks, and his voice is warbled with an accent that you think sounds Germanic. Yet the words are in English, and for a moment you see his eyes flicker down to the flag stitched across your sleeve.

You swallow, and in your stomach you know what comes next. You were taken alive for a reason, after all. Whatever this man wants from you requires your immediate survival, although it's uncertain for how long.

"Where are we?" You ask instead, jaw grit and eyes flashing defiance.

He tilts his head at you then, and the gesture seems strange somehow, as if he's studying you, trying to see through your courage. Yet he doesn't reply to your question, and instead reaches for his belt, withdrawing a set of keys that he uses to unlock the door.

"S-stay back!" You try as he enters the cell, has to slightly duck under the doorway due to his height. The room seems so much smaller with him in it, as he occupies the entire door frame, the scant space between the foot of the cot and your only chance at escape.

"Easy, fräu​lein." He tells you, raising his hands in a gesture that should be placating but only inspires a sharp surge of fear in you. "I'm not going to hurt you."

You snort derisively, ignoring the tremble in your hands as you press yourself further into the wall.

"I have a hard time believing that." You hiss at him, and again he tilts his head at you, a cat curious about the mouse it's cornered.

"It's true." He tries again, and the soft tenor of his voice is almost jarring, seemingly polite despite his terrifying appearance. "You tell me what I need to know, I let you leave, da?"

You pause, regard him, brow furrowed and lips pursed, see the way he has his hands lifted in assurance, not stepping closer. It's a trick, you're certain of it, and yet you have no choice but to play along, feign surrender and bide your time till you make your escape. So, you nod, a single, hesitant jerk of your head that has him dropping his hands, shifting so he leans against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Your name?" He asks, and the disconcerting nonchalance of his tone again has you casting him a look of suspicion, trying to understand this sudden shift in him.

"What's yours?" You return instead, watching his fingers scratch along the top of his arms.

"...König." He tells you after a pause.

"Rookie." You return. The fingers stop.

"That's not your real name." He states, tone dipping lower, a whisper of what should be a warning.

"Neither is yours."

"Hmm."

He shifts, fidgeting. You trace the motion, still as you are, hands flexing and eyes darting to the keys on his belt.

"The soldiers you are with." He speaks, drawing your attention to him once more. "Who are they?"

You blink then, show your hand and react to his question, perplexed.

"You should know." You reply slowly, sensing a trap. "You were the one that attacked us, weren't you?"

The man, König, is silent. There's an interest in his gaze you can't shake, a keenness that feels too sharp, narrowed in on you. Just you.

So, you venture a little farther, wetting your lips before speaking. "My friend. The one with me, is he alive?"

He blinks then, eyes briefly fluttering at you. The motion feels oddly human for this beast of a man, and again you feel that shiver run through you like a cold winter wind.

"...He was alive when we left."

Relief, warm and grateful, makes your shoulders sink perceptibly, the breath you had been holding wheezing free from your lungs. Gaz is alive. Knowing him, he probably made it to safety before the cell you were watching discovered him, vanishing into the woods and leaving them unaware.

"Why..." You suddenly speak, words caught dangerously in your throat. "Why didn't you kill him?"

König stills, his fidgeting halting at your question. You see his eyes narrow at you from under the hood, seeking your face in the darkness.

"He wasn't my target." He replies at last, and there's a tone to his words you can’t decipher, a hidden meaning shrouded behind the darkness of his eyes. "You were."

"Me?" You ask abruptly, eyebrows raising in surprise. "Why?"

"I ask the questions." König states, and he stands from the wall, looming to his full height and taking a step closer to you, annoyed by your persistence.

You scoff, fear simmering higher in your stomach, but you refuse to cede ground, staring up at him defiantly.

"Yeah, and you're doing a great job at it." You mock sardonically.

Another step.

"You aren't making it easy, fräu​lein." He growls, and this time you do feel that fear threaten to burst. He's closer now, too close, and you have to look up in order to meet his gaze as his figure blots light from the only lantern that allows you to see in the darkness.

"Who are the other soldiers you are with?" König demands again, voice dipping low as a rumble in his chest. "What are their names?"

You should be staying quiet, should be giving him nothing. Yet his earlier concessions have emboldened you, and now you feel a spike of defiance flash through you at his insistent questions.

"You don't even know who you attacked, do you?" You ask, voice trembling between fear and a hysterical giddiness at his frustration. "That's why I'm here, why you took me, isn't it? Because you don't even know who you're fighting!"

König snarls then, surging forward and planting a single massive hand on the stone wall next to your head. The other shoots forward, reaching up to seize the lower half of your face in a near bruising grip. The height of it drags you an inch up the wall, and the rough scrape of the stone against your bruised back is enough to make you groan in pain.

König pauses.

Your eyes are scrunched as you bite back a whimper that threatens to escape. It hurts. There's a rhythmic, stabbing sensation in your ribs and a bruised, bludgeoned pain across your shoulders. When you try and raise your shackled hands to push off the man before you they flail at him, arms shaking through the pain that seems to radiate like fractal lighting along your torso.

His grip lightens.

"You are hurt." He states blankly, and his tone is confused, almost disbelieving as a shudder ripples through you.

You grunt as you twist, and his hand loosens across your face, drifting downward to settle on your shoulder instead.

"Yeah, that tends to happen when you use grenades instead of words as your introduction." You hiss at him, but the true bite of your words is blunted by the stress of your injuries.

"Let me see."

"What? No-!" You try, twisting away from him. Yet the motion only inflames your likely fractured rib, and you grimace, slump down the wall. Before you can slide away König's grip settles on your arm, and those same hands that had held you so roughly soften, encircling your bicep as he keeps you steady.

You glance at him, eyes turning upwards to his hooded gaze, looming over your smaller figure. The menace, the cold seems softer there, brow furrowed and stare glinting down at you. It's...disconcerting, whatever this is, the way he's suddenly fixated on you not as his prey, but his captive, his responsibility.

It flickers, then it's gone.

"You won't be able to answer my questions if you're bleeding out." He tells you, voice rough, and it sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than he's trying to persuade you.

"Good." You snap at him instead, painful irritation prickling under your skin. "Because I'm not telling you anything."

There's a spark then, something that almost seems like amusement under his hood. It tugs at the corners of his eyes, squinting, and for a moment you feel again like a mouse, cornered by a cat who hovers a claw dangerously close to your smaller form.

"We shall see." Is all he tells you, and you shudder at the promise there.

Yet then he releases you, hands vanishing as he's leaning back, giving you space. It startles you for a moment, this sudden motion of his that leaves you reeling in his absence. König only studies for, head tilting at the confusion that passes over your face before nodding to the cot.

"Sit." He tells you, and it's not a request.

Against your better judgment you follow the command, shuffling so as to keep distance between him and you, eyes never leaving his form. He watches as you plop down, observes the grimace at the movement that sends a stabbing ache digging at your ribs.

You start when he takes a step towards you, voice suddenly cracking in your throat as you manage: "I-I'm not bleeding."

"On the outside." He returns. Another step.

"Please." You suddenly gasp, as you scoot back along the bed, as he looms over you in the darkness. Your previous defiance feels cracked in your throat, chalky and drowned in fear at the man who towers above your form. "Don't- don't hurt me."

He pauses then, hands halfway stretched towards you but freezing where they are. His eyes are wide under his hood, and even in the dim lighting you can see the whites of them as he stops, digests your frantic plea.

"I'm not...going to hurt you, Maus." He speaks, and there's a conflict there you don't understand, his voice wavering on the title he's given you, fitting given your circumstances. "I need to make sure you aren't bleeding on the inside."

You don't respond, not at first, heart thumping wildly in your chest at his enormous shadow cast over you. Yet you can't help the lingering parlor of fear at his words, doubt at your own body. You haven't checked, haven't been able to discern the extent of your own injuries, and you know it's entirely likely he's right, that maybe something inside you was bruised or ruptured in the collision, that it may only be a matter of time before the symptoms present themselves.

Even so, you tremble when his hands land on you, a single wide palm splaying across your front.

"Wo." He asks, even as you flinch when he drums his fingers over the vest shielding you from his bare touch. "Where?"

"...Ribs." You manage at last, torn between keeping your eyes scrunched shut and refusing to take your gaze off him. Your face feels warm. He's too close like this, leaning over you, one knee wedged between your legs, the heat of him radiating into your space. "F-fractured, I think."

He hums, and the sound itself feels like the churning of glaciers, ancient and grinding low inside him. You think his hands will dig under your shirt, rip off your vest, trail his fingers up your ribs. It's a surprise when he simply ghosts over the underside of your tac vest, gently lifting it to probe where you press your hand to quell the pain. You hiss at the contact, resisting the urge to turn away, to vainly push him aside.

"You're so...small." He marvels as he gingerly presses down along your side, inspecting for any soreness that might indicate internal bleeding. "Soft."

You ignore that, ignore the way your face warms at his voice, almost mystified by your smaller frame under his hand. You half expect his touch to roam, for him to lean closer, closer into you. Yet König is surprisingly clinical, his touch clumsy but sincere as he searches for injuries.

He's...warm. The heat of him seeping through his glove, lighting against your chilled skin under your clothes.

You shake away the thought before it fully forms, flinching when König finds a hidden bruise.

"Broken." He mutters at last and seems almost reluctant to pull away from you. "But no bleeding. You're lucky."

"I-I feel lucky." You manage, voice shaking and yet desperately trying to regain control. "Got ambushed, injured, and kidnapped. It's been a great day so far."

König huffs at you, amused and annoyed. Yet instead of drawing completely away from your figure he instead sinks, kneels to your level.

"A name, Maus." He tells you, voice lower, quiet. "A name, and then I'll get you some water, medicine for the pain."

The temptation is an ugly one, you'll admit that much. You're dehydrated, tired, in need of proper rest so you can conserve your energy, find a way out. It won't be easy to escape like this, injured and untreated as you are. Even if you do manage to slip past him, you have no doubt he'd be able to chase you down, broken and wilted as you are.

So, you give him a name. Yours.

He quiets, stares at you, eyes unblinking for what seems like eons, red rimmed and wide. You feel pinned under them, under his focused, piercing gaze, and he's close, too close, but the menace you originally felt is gone. There's something there instead you don't understand- a curiosity, an intent you cannot name.

He repeats it, voice curling over the sound as if rolling a candy under his tongue.

You suppress a shiver at that, at the way he fails to hide his blatant fascination with you.

"And your company?" He requests, and you almost fall for it, the casual, almost friendly way he asks you about your secrets.

You stay silent, lips pursed, brow drawn, refusing to speak.

The brightness in his eyes flashes, fades into something deeper, darker at your stubbornness.

"Your company, Maus." He insists, voice lowering. A hand flexes on his knee.

He won't hurt you. He said he wouldn't hurt you.

"The 141." You murmur, and something stabs inside you, guilty and hurt over your own betrayal.

"One four one." König echoes, accent turning over the numbers in a low rumble.

You nod, heart racing, breath quickening, unable to tear your gaze away from him even as you desperately want to, want to run, run away from here.

"Good." König purrs and withdraws at last. Breath tumbles freely from your chest, damp and warm fogging into the air. Without his massive body so close you feel the cold returning, seeping back into your limbs in all the places he didn't touch. For a moment you feel the inertia of that rogue wave pull at you once more, except this time when you surface it isn't to fire and destruction but to him, grounding and grave like the shadows around him.

He stands, observes you for a few extra moments, as you try not to wither under his stare. You wish you could understand what it is about you that perplexes him so, seems to grab his attention as his eyes narrow in on your face.

It almost feels like he wants to eat you alive.

"Stay put, Maus." He tells you, voice distant, distracted. He takes a single step towards the door-

and the entire building shakes.

Your eyes shoot up then, jolting to your feet as dust shifts downwards from the ceiling and the ground briefly shudders under you. König seems as surprised as you are, eyes wide under his hood as his gaze lifts upwards.

He curses, the sound grating and harsh in his native tongue, and when his eyes land back on you, you spring.

You duck under his outstretched hand, gritting through the pain of your injury so hard your teeth crack, dashing for the cell door and shoving at it. To your surprise it swings open, creaking and rusty against your insistent push.

You get exactly five steps down the hallway before he reaches you, a single hand catching you by your arm, hauling you up and against his front.

"What made you think we were done, Maus?" He asks, eyes narrowed down at you, and your heart sinks to your feet.

Yet when he tries to lift you, to throw you over his shoulder you scream, thrash against him. Ignoring the radiant flare of hurt that gouges through you as you twist, struggle, fueled by adrenaline even as the building shudders again around you both.

"No!" You scream, furious and afraid. "Let me GO!"

"Stop- urgh making this hard, fräu​lein." König shoots back as he tries to maintain a grip on you, and yet it's his words that make you shout louder, squirm harder in his hands.

There's a shout down the hallway, loud and urgent, tinged in an accent that you recognize.

"Ghost!" You scream, voice echoing down into the darkness where you can't yet see him. "LT, he-!"

A hand covers your face.

"That's another name you've given me." König murmurs, leaning down so his hood drapes across your shoulder, his voice curling against your ear. "I'll have to make do with that for now, kleine Maus."

You freeze, panic flooding your veins in an icy wash of fear. Yet it's stunted when you're abruptly released, and you spin to face him, this monster of a man who's touch has vanished from you.

He's turned away from you, facing down the hallway opposite where Ghost's voice echoes from. Your confusion dulls your senses, the mystery of why he's chosen to let you go, instead of kidnap, even kill you is impossible to understand.

"For now." König echoes, and you see his eyes under the lantern that swings wildly back and forth, dancing shadows across his hood. A spirit, a poltergeist.

You don't give it a second thought, spinning and racing towards safety, in the direction of your allies who have come to rescue you. König's footfalls fade into the darkness away from you, vanishing into the same dark night into which he carried you.

When you glance back, he's gone.

A voice calls out for you again, and you hone in on it, feet splashing sloppily through puddles as you limp in the direction of your team.

"I'm here!" You yell, voice cracking with the effort it takes to call to them. Your eyes adjust to the darkness, and after a few moments you see a figure waver free of the dimness.

"Rookie." Ghost breathes, lifting his goggles and reaching for you. You land on his arm to steady yourself, breathing hard and gasping for air. "Thank fuck."

You think he's alone until there's a crackle behind him, a radio warbling with a question from the captain.

"Affirm, Cap." Soap speaks into the handset strapped to his vest, and his eyes twinkle at you with relief. "Package has been located."

"Good." Price's voice replies gruffly over the comms. "Now get out of there before the whole building comes down on you."

"Rog."

"Gaz." You gasp, clinging to Ghost's arm, your relief and joy at the sight of your comrades short lived. "Kyle. Is he-?"

"The sergeant is fine." Ghost tells you, and you almost collapse into him with gratitude. "We need to move, now."

Yet when he turns you stumble, legs shaking and breath wheezing in your chest.

"Are you hurt?" Soap asks at once, slipping past Ghost to hover at your side, lifting an arm to sling it over his shoulder.

"Rib. Broken." You manage, and the Scotsman curses.

"The bastard that took you- did he do this?" He hisses, and there's fury there, dark and thunderous at the thought you may have been beaten, abused in the short time it took for them to reach you. "Gaz caught a glimpse of him, mammoth fellow."

"No." You manage, and you blink, turn to cast a glance over your shoulder into the darkness where König disappeared.

"He...didn't hurt me."

You don't hear whatever Soap says next, but you're moving, striding forward as the building lurches and shudders around you, as you struggle with them to safety.

Yet König's words linger, like a forbidden proverb, haunting the space inside of you with their dark, eerie promise.

For now.

Tags:

@dankest-farrik @zwiiicnziiix @moondirti @sritashimada @ladiilokii @yeyinde @sandinthemachine @verdandis-blog @guyfierriii @fan-of-encouragement @starlitnotes

[cozylittleartblog]

diversity win your spam emails are queer

[mewtwo24]

I just started reading the svsss volumes (and re-read them again because A LOT IS GOING ON) but like. This shit is so hysterically funny I don't even know where to begin.

Was no one????? Going to tell me that one of the cornerstone jokes in the damn series is that lbh's adoration for his one and only 'tism person who literally cannot express his emotions to save his life is basically genetic?????????

Was no one???? No one AT ALL going to tell me that Mobei-Jun straight up yeets Airplane at the problem in one of the scenes?????? And that in the most hilarious twist of fate Airplane then unyeets Mobei-Jun not twenty minutes later?????

It's one thing to see people joke about sqq and lbh being unable to communicate but it's on a league of its own when you have to read HUNDREDS OF PAGES of sqq's inner monologue be like 'that's my darling boy. my baby. my sugar plum pumpy umpkin you're my sweetie pie' but on the outside he says "get lost binghe" and somehow deems that an effective expression of his affection that lbh will surely understand. 'Why is lbh whining and crying and tugging at my sleeve like a plaintive wife, why is he so angry?' Sqq asks, the entire circus, as lbh is about to fling himself off a cliff for attention--

In short, MXTX is the queer comedian of our generation and nobody appreciates her enough

[introspectivememories]

high school timber is all about repression!!!

it's about bernard desperately trying to prove to himself and his parents that he's straight!! because his parents already don't like him and he cannot be gay. not now not ever!!!! so he puts up this front of a ladies man and he picks a girl he cant ever get together with and maybe he kisses like 3/4 of the female population at grieves and gains a reputation but hey! at least he's not gay! but he's so caught up in making sure his eyes don't to stick too long on tyrone's face or michael-from-biology's eyes or kabir-from-study-hall's thick thighs that even his attraction to women is under a filter. and it's not that he doesn't like women, he does! very much so!! but it's that he's soo caught on not being perceived as gay that he cant show his attraction to women the way he'd like to. it's all under this filter of what he thinks Real Men who are attracted to women act like so it's this brash, loud, crass, thing and it's not him at all. it's "ooh tim, ms. winters is soooo hot!" or "hey kayla, why don't you and i get to know each other a little better, if you know what i mean?" or "god her tits are soo big. she's so fucking hot!" and all this other shit when he really means, "tim, why the fuck does your stepmom have such a pretty smile?" or "kayla, you said you liked yugioh? i'd love to hear more about it!" or "god fuck, that girl has such pretty hands. i think if i held them i'd combust." but none of that is how a Real Man likes women so he shuts that shit down before it even has a chance to come up. it's fine, he's fine. so what if no one ever holds him like he holds those girls? it's fine. he'll take the manwhore label and the fuckboy title and he'll give out as many kisses as those girls want and if sometimes when he's kissing a girl he wonders what it'd be like to sit on kabir's thighs or if tyrone's lips really are as soft as they look, that's just the devil speaking. and if sometimes when he walks back into the cafeteria at lunch, lipstick still smudged on the corner of his mouth, after making out with a girl and his eyes skirt over tim's lithe body and he wonders what it'd be like to draw out the same sounds he's heard girls make when he kisses them, or what it'd be like to brush his thumb over tim's hands, or what it'd be like to hold tim or press a kiss to his shoulder, or a million and one other things, well that'll just have to be another one his secrets.

and it's about tim who's in a relationship with stephanie and his dad knows he's robin and he doesn't have time to figure out why his mouth goes dry when the light hits bernard's hair just right. he's too busy trying to figure out a way back to his nightlife. and so what if bernard has pretty pink lips that look very plush? so what if he's looked at some of his teammates and thought they were handsome? he's not blind!!! he has a girlfriend! and he loves her! and so what if his hand brushes bear's during fourth-period bio? so what if the tingles last all day? it was just some static! and it doesn't matter that when bear laughs his eyes get squinty and they water over -- cause bear always laughs so hard he almost cries -- and it sounds like bells. and it doesn't even matter, that sometimes when bernard walks back into the lunchroom, 10 minutes before the bell rings, lipstick smeared across the corner of his mouth, lips tilted up in the most charming smirk he's ever seen, that his chest fills with jealousy. it doesn't matter that his hands clench into fists so hard that his nails leave crescents marks all day. it doesn't matter that he wants to be bear's flavor of the day, week, month, whatever. he wants to leave the lipstick marks!! he wants to know if bear really is as good as he hears the girls speak about!!! he wants to know "that thing bernard does with his tongue!" is! he wants to drape himself over bear the same way he sees those girls do! he wants to know what bear's hands feel like gripping his waist. he wants, wants, wants!!! but it doesn't matter. it doesn't. he's got a girlfriend, her name is stephanie, she's gorgeous and, most importantly he loves her. he's too busy for bernard anyway.

[kalofi]

I don't mean to push you back into HLVRAI, but I've always wanted to say that your Gordon was always my favourite. It's what made me fall in love so deeply with your art. To be able to see yourself in a character you like so much is just such a delight. Thank you for doing what you do. :]

oh my god this is just the sweetest im grinning like an idiot rn 😭 THANK YOU that means the world im so glad u could find yourself in him thats so so important and comforting. just for you heres a quick gordon i ended up doodling on a sticky note when i first started my rewatch like a week ago YAY!!!!

[kazbiter]

"your goalkeeper"

[andorianimpostor]

1.25

[enden-k]

i hope some people dont forget kaveh is canonically around his 30s and haitham is younger by a few years

[paperhats-and-evil-schemes]

Me: //brushing up on my old Paperhat fanfics to make sure I'm getting details right for the new one//

Me @ my past readers:

[federaliszt]

Reckless

Dialogue Prompts for reckless self-sacrifice:

"Did it just not cross your mind that some of us care about whether you live to see next week or not?"

"...Hey, no - don't try it. Just, just stop, I know what you're thinking, but please don't--"

"You're walking a thin line between casual self-endangerment and reckless self-destruction."

[lotus-pear]

THE NEW BSD CHAPTER?????? HELLO?????? EHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK FYODOR

[camellcat]

WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?

[trashlie]

Darker ILY Theories: the Shinae + Gun Kim theory

The time has COME. I keep telling myself to write this post but I keep putting it off because honestly, this one makes me feel sick. I’ve been talking about it again with friends while rereading the Black and White Formal arc, and in light of the current FP episode (232) I think it’s time to bring this one back into the fray. 

As a big disclaimer this post deals with sexual assault noncon theories of underage girls. 

Sometime ago I read a theory that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim. There’s been so many theories about the formal. Even recently, there’s been talk about the way Yui had Shinae style her hair seeming similar to how Nessa wore hers, and how she insisted that Shinae meet her husband. I don’t think by any means that discounts this theory at all, because Yui sure knows how to multi-task doesn’t she. 

The Kim formal really set up a LOT of story and action. It’s the moment ILY reveals what kind of story it is - not that there weren’t hints and clues before, because we could already see the discord in Nol and Kousuke’s relationship’ the stress in Shinae’s life and her fight with her father; the money struggles; her friends. But the formal introduced so many elements. It showed us how off Alyssa and Nol’s relationship is. It showed us how sinister Yui really is. It fully introdduced Sangchul and how lecherous he is. The Chess theory, the manipulation, the drugs, all of it was at the forefront finally.

And also, we met Gun Kim. 

Gun is interesting, because he’s the character we know the least about at this point - and his eyes are always closed. He’s always felt sketchy, even as far back as the black and white formal itself. The characters even comment on it. What is someone who looks like Shinae doing at this formal? Mr. Kim likes all women. 

Now that we know how chummy the Kims and Yui/the Hiraharas are, the more sinister it feels. Gun Kim, with his several connections to media conglomorates. Gun Kim, whose father* stepped down from his position as CEO of Hirahara Corp due when facing several sexual assault charges. Gun Kim, father to Sangchul Kim whose prep school has been rife with sexual abuse cases. 

(* presumably Gun’s father. Youngchul Kim. Sangchul Kim. It checks out)

At the time, maybe he didn’t seem SO bad. A negligent father. A womanizer, a playboy. But in light of what we’ve learned, I think we can revisit the scene and find some clues laid out, waiting for their time to come. 

He makes his grand appearance - convincing the bartender to give underage girls alcohol. Even without the later context, this is terrible, but now that we know what we know.... it feels even more skeevy, even more dangerous. Letting young girls drink, get intoxicated, so that they’re easier for him. Ugggh. 

He sure makes himself real comfortable with the girls, too. Sure, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this. What a gracious host. But we know better. And we also know you don’t put your hands on people who don’t even know you. Seeing Alyssa’s face, you wouldn’t ordinarily think anything of her smile mask; she uses it all the time, why would this be any different. But in light of ep 232.... I’ll try to save all my 232 posts for the end so I can put it under a readmore and avoid spoilers. 

Isn’t it weird, that he can instantly recognize Shinae? Oh sure, maybe it’s because someone who doesn’t know who he is isn’t from this world, so she has to be Yui’s special guest. And look, Yui and Gun are business partners. Friends, even, since Sangchul seems to know so much about Nol and his family via Gun. Through who else would they know about Nol and his not-much-of-a relationship with Alyssa? So, surely Yui has told Gun about Shinae, since she’s the topic of Kousuke’s interest, right? 

But no, I feel horribly, uneasily certain that Yui has shown Gun pictures of Shinae, described her to him, maybe even told him how much fun she is. How she’s got so much personality, that he’ll just enjoy her. Even typing this makes me feel ill ugh. The thought that Gun and Yui are in cahoots not simply by way of business but by way of an even darker, more sinister business is fucking horrifying. 

So not only does he instantly recognize her for who she is but 

Is it wrong to pay her a compliment? It’s not like he said anything inappropriate. And yet. And yet Shinae is uncomfortable. And yet he is a stranger, a man she doesn’t know, acting too friendly, someone who already knows of her. Danger, danger, danger, danger!

This man gives me the creeps SO MUCH and it’s everything about THIS. His expression, those closed eyes, something about him feels smug and smarmy. Everybody gets drink, everybody gets inebriated, everybody gets to have fun. He’s gross, he’s disgusting, he’s encouraging drinking. We know what kind of fun a man like him wants to see and have. 

And he’s not simply enabling underage drinking. 

Even after Nol expresses that he doesn’t want a drink, he’s still pushed to have one, still expected to be “respectful of the host”. The host who is pushing alcohol on minors!!! Like, even on its own that’s clearly beyond irresponsible, because you can definitely get the sense that he wants to see what happens when a bunch of kids loosen up, when they all let down their inhibitions, when they all get sloppy and start making mistakes. Like, let’s not pretend otherwise. He wouldn’t be encouraging the drinks at all if he didn’t want something to happen, if he wasn’t hoping for that to transpire. 

Like, really mull over that for a moment.

The word choice that’s used here is important, both for the things said and unsaid. Kousuke and Nol may have met Sangchul for the first time, but they’re not stranger to Gun I’m sure. I can’t imagine this is the first Kim formal they’ve had to attend, and even if so, everyone in attendance seems to know Gun’s reputation. Sangchul is one of six children - but only one of two from the same woman. How many women has he been married to? How many more has he simply been with? 

And how many of them young. Or against their will? 

Sangchul didn’t learn his tactics from no one, let’s not forget that. 

Sangchul only knows coercion, bribery, blackmailing, manipulation. If you’ve got a hot girl, you must’ve ha to force her hand, must’ve had to black mail her to get her to agree. It could never be as simple as a girl just liking him, no. It must be some seedy, skeevy, manipulative tactic. 

Sexual assault runs in the family. Sangchul learned from watching his father, who no doubt learned from Youngchul. When you see women as property, as items, you don’t see them as people. Even if she refuses, they’ll get what they want in the end, won’t they? UGH. 

Kousuke and Nol react in surprise - alarm - because the implications of his wording is creepy. Nol knows Shinae is being forced to attend this formal, she’s not here of her own volition and wouldn’t even accept his offer to safely get her out of there. He probably wonders exactly that - is that why she’s here? And he’s possibly not entirely incorrect. 

Yui sweeps in to note that Gun isn’t being so literal, but we know how those two operate. I think as readers we are meant to read into that. It’s not there just for the boys to become alarm, it’s there for us to understand that Gun is not a safe man for Shinae to go alone with. Especially because as readers we already know Shinae feels off, she’s having a drink, AND the episode has quietly informed us that Sangchul roofied her. 

And this man comes sweeping in, calling Shinae a cutie, promising to introduce her to everyone. 

Even in her addled state, Shinae knows there’s something weird about the use of family, but she’s dazed (she’s drugged), she isn’t feeling right in the head, this whole event has  been a nightmare for her so far, she’s being thrown into situations she’s ill-prepared for, so it’s so easy to gloss over it. 

But the text emphasizes it itself. 

It IS weird.

This is ALL weird. 

Does this not make you feel disgusting? Does this not make you want to scream? He’s talking like she’s a pony or something. A grown man parading a minor around, talking about how she’s a cutie, everything is so perfect, her dress - which is modest only in the front and leaves her whole back and parts of her waist bare - everything. And the question about is she your new wife?

How many other pretty young things has he paraded around like this.

How many other pretty young things has he wed? And how many of them were forced against their will, bribed, manipulated? What did he hold over their heads? 

I don’t have to spell it out. We know. We all know. 

Look at Gun with his eyes closed, that stupid smile on his face. What was it quimchee said of why Mr. Kim’s eyes are always closed? Living is easy with eyes closed. He can turn a blind eye to anything, he can encourage anything. Was the drink too much, he wonders. Was she feeling unwell, he muses. Oh well, it doesn’t matter, my son has her. :) 

Gun Kim is no fool. He’s not naive. He is a horrible, vile man and he knows exactly what he was doing, sending an unwell girl who was previously drinking underage off to “rest” with his creepy, vile fucking son. 

But Ashlie, you’re asking. I thought you said that Shinae is at the formal for Gun, but he knowingly sent her off in that state with his son, surely knowing what kind of horrible thing he’ll do to her. If she’s for him why didn’t he take her?

He’s the host, of course he can’t take her anywhere yet. 

She’s the after party. 

jfkafjkfakjfajkafjkafj GOD that felt gross to write I’m sorry but I just KNOW that’s his line of thinking, I just KNOW that’s what this was supposed to be. Everything went awry when dick-punched Sangchul and escaped. 

We know well enough now that the Kims are just as vile and atrocious, that they breed a special kind of especially horrible violence, that sexual violence is NOTHING to them - perhaps even fun. The way Sangchul needled Nol about Alyssa makes me so sick, because it tells you everything about how he views and treats women, the kinds of things he, too, has probably done. 

All I can think of now is that Yui and Gun are in on this. Of course they are, this is their sleazy empire. Business partners that go further back, deeper than we ever realized. Yui, who has no qualms about playing with peoples’ lives, who gets a thrill out of breaking people down, out of their misery. Gun, who thinks girls and women are ripe for the picking, who enjoys a nice pretty young thing? UGGH UGH UGH death wouldn’t be enough punishment. Prison wouldn’t be enough. NOTHING that happens to them will ever be satisfying enough but GOD I WANT TO SEE THEM TOPPLE AND FALL. 

Spoilers for ep 232 ahead:

I think we can already see how this ties in to the current FP episode, right? 

I had absolutely NO idea he was this close. Like... I’ve worried about his connections to media conglomerates, I’ve worried about the women he’s been with and how Sangchul learned that behavior, but to see him on the other side of the door of the bathroom in which Alyssa is hiding.... horrifying! The way he calls her sweetheart like he’s some placating father, except we know better. The expression on her face when she hears the girls talking about her but worse, when she hears Gun ask if she needs any help. 

It’s her body language when she finally comes out, so meek and small, arms held close to her body like she’s trying to take up as little space as possible.

And it’s the implication that he’s going to drive her himself. Alone. 

Not even a manager to spare for her? Or worse, is he a manager? An agent? Is he her superior in this role? There’s so many horrifying, stomach-churning possibilities and in the end, it doesn’t matter which he is, because the point is: he has that access. 

He doesn’t need to be their manager, their agent. He has connections. He has Yui. He has his name and influence and power and money and most of all, he has dirty little secrets. So much blackmail. So much dirt. 

GOD. 

I’m so fucking scared for Alyssa RUN GIRL RUN GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT ;___________; 

I’ll put more thoughts in my actual 232 thought dump post but for now: Gun Kim may not have gotten a hold of Shinae, but he’s not left for want is he ;________; 

[sysig]

Just a few favourites, only a couple, I swear (Patreon)

[uncanny-tranny]

It's still fucked up to go "why can't people accept trans men as men when they act JUST LIKE cis men," and it (at best) is putting trans men in a shitty position wherein we have to prove ourselves suffieciently enough and at worst is actively just transphobia reliant on gender essentialism, which affects all trans people and then some.

[shima-draws]

I just finished Skypeia AGHHHFJHHHH it was so GOOD