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#1. i love grief; grief is important to me. grief is permanent and i have been aware of grief in a form of another (in my own personal life)
wikipedie · 1 year
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grief is like a really ugly couch
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I think grief is like a really ugly couch. It never goes away. You can decorate around it; you can slap a doily on top of it; you can push it to the corner of the room—but eventually, you learn to live with it. ― Jodi Picoult, Leaving Time
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#the mentalist#quotes#patrick jane#i would say web weaving but there's not a lot of web weaving happening#initially I also had a bit of an essay accompanying this but it disappeared because of a tumblr glitch + my own stupidity#and i'm too tired to write it prettily but i still wanna write it so it'll be in the tags#a cute little fun surprise for whoever cares about and reads tags#so i made a different post talking about jane's grief but i was upset i didn't have enough space for the couch (pun unintended)#and i was thinking this morning about this quote and jane's couch and how it could be interpreted as a physical manifestation of his grief#as well as his willingness to open up to people#1. i love grief; grief is important to me. grief is permanent and i have been aware of grief in a form of another (in my own personal life)#for a very very very long time. so to see it in this show is...significant to me. i cherish this#now onto the actual analyzing. of course they never intended the couch to be a symbol for grief; but it becomes so.#he leans on the couch when he opens the Red John files; for support most likely - and it's a beginning of the process of dealing with grief#he is the only one who uses the couch. everyone knows it as jane's couch#in S4E23 Cho uses it briefly to rest and Rigsby asks him if Jane knows he's using his couch#Erica tries briefly (also in S4) to sit on the couch but he doesn't allow her the space#in fact the only two people we see that use the couch are Teresa Lisbon and Dennis Abbott#and this is the part about emotional availability. he only shares the couch with people whom he trusts#With Lisbon twice even#the couch is grief and the couch is love; the couch is support#there's nostalgia for the CBI times but there's also more to it#and that quote makes me go absolutely feral because#'eventually you learn to live with it' 😭 eventually you learn to live with grief and eventually you learn to accept it as part from yself#andand he is happy to see the couch; he missed the couch#-> you are not free from your grief but in healing you learn that it's okay; you cherish your grief; it was there with you and for you#yea anyways i will never not go mad about grief and trauma and how it's portrayed and handled.#and i already have 2 more sorta-proper essays that i want to write on the topic asdgfhdhjk. yea i'm literally not gonna stop
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markantonys · 6 months
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wait, since they namedropped graendal this season, what if SHE'S the forsaken in caemlyn controlling morgase during s3???? (apologies if this has already been suggested, but i don't think i've seen it.) now, namedropping a character doesn't necessarily mean we will see them in the very next season, buuuuut of the other 4 s2 namedrops, 2 (moghedien & gawyn) will 100% be in s3. (cadsuane & taim, eh, i won't hold my breath on them appearing in s3 but it's not impossible.)
i don't know, i just find it Very Interesting that they chose to specifically name graendal, when they didn't have to include the Forsaken Listing line at all or could've rewritten it any number of ways to not name graendal. for a little while my theory has been that, for practicality reasons, they might want to avoid naming specific forsaken until they're at a place where they feel confident they will have time to include that forsaken in the show, since they have to always be in a position to be able to wrap the story up in fewer seasons than planned. so in keeping with that, maybe it's not unreasonable to imagine we may be seeing graendal (and in a prominent role, as i doubt they'd cast a forsaken just to show up to 1 forsaken zoom call scene and then pray the actor can return for more in a few years) sooner than we think?
now, let's think about whether graendal replacing rahvin in that story role would work.
short-term: yes, 100%. she has a similar personality type/modus operandi of loving luxury and preferring to Compel people from the shadows, so i can easily see her setting herself up comfortably in a palace and making a queen her puppet. it also perfectly positions her to murder asmodean in caemlyn. look, i respect stories leaving questions unsolved, but i feel like the show would rather just show Us Viewers who killed him so we can move on, instead of making it a deliberate Unsolved Murder and distracting us into wasting all our time speculating about it & not focusing on other things that are actually important to the story.
as for long term, i'm still mulling over whether it would work. off the top of my head i've got a few scenarios:
A) graendal is balefired by rand in caemlyn just like rahvin is, from which fight rand learns that balefire can permanently kill forsaken.
downside: her future activities in the books would be cut or given to someone else
B) graendal escapes rand in caemlyn and proceeds to carry out her future book activities. rand learns that balefire can permanently kill forsaken from his fight with sammael instead.
downside: that's my emotional support "rand goes crazy with grief over aviendha's and mat's deaths while protecting elayne's home" avimatrandlayne moment, your honor!
also, mat might need to stay with rand longer than he should in order to be present for the sammael fight for Dying And Living Again purposes (so to me, this is actually an upside djfkg but i RELUCTANTLY acknowledge it miiiight be tricky to get mat over to his seanchan storyline if he's with rand this late into the series - tho ofc they could always shuffle stuff around to make the sammael fight happen pre-ebou dar or even pre-dumai's wells)
C) a scenario i don't think is likely but is fun to imagine nonetheless: ELAYNE is the one who ousts graendal from caemlyn, whether killing her permanently or only temporarily, and whether when elayne first arrives in caemlyn (so taking over rand's story beat) or at the end of her succession and/or black ajah hunting arcs (so adding graendal into one or both of those arcs).
downside: it would stray pretty far from book storylines with, perhaps, no real gain
but, upside: elayne would get a Forsaken Archrival of her very own!
all in all, maybe they really aren't planning to introduce graendal until much later & in her book storyline and i'm totally overthinking the namedrop, but graendal in caemlyn is interesting to ponder!
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dirtyvirgotarot · 8 months
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WEEK AHEAD READING PICK-A-CARD! - 7/30/23
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This week's reading was gonna be about animals in general, but it seems that all things Air and flying creature related was the real theme!! Pick an image, and we'll soar into your cards!!! ~~~~~~~~ Pile 1 (The Black Egg): Your Animal: BLACK EGG Your Tarot: Ace of Pentacles, Two of Wands, Judgement Wow, Pile 1, how powerful!! You were called to this pile for a reason, that reason being for celebration! You may have found yourself feeling oppressed or silenced, perhaps a victim of prejudice and bigotry, or just like your opinion and voice didn't matter. Joke's on them, this week, you're going to take your next step forward! I see job offers and opportunities, or the start of the search. I see you looking ahead, Pile 1, looking ahead to where you don't feel so silenced. Bad karma will be hitting those who have done you wrong this week. You may receive apologies, or news of such karma. It will inspire you to find your courage this week, to find your voice. The throat chakra is being highlighted heavily. Ignore gossip, narcissistic people, and focus on your goals and dreams. You are taking a very solid step forward towards your future this week! Keep your eyes on the prize, your eyes on your utter and ultimate truth. 🙊😢😞⚖️❗😈🗺️ ~~~~~~~~ Pile 2 (The Eagles): Your Animal: EAGLE Your Tarot: Five of Cups, Six of Wands, Wheel of Fortune
Pile 2, this is a message directly from spirit. You may have found yourself going through a severely rough patch, full of grief and sadness. You may have found yourself just utterly going through the wringer, physically, mentally, emotionally. THIS IS KARMA. Good karma, in fact. I know it may not feel like it now, but the things happening to you are ultimately to teach you HIGHLY important lessons to utilize in the future. In order to get happier in life, you need to learn about what you DON'T want. A baseline, of sorts. Know that this is a lesson for you, and not in any way permanent. Not only will it change, things will SKYROCKET into success for you! You will be untouchable once you understand what you are currently being taught, and take the reigns to change it for the better! 🗡️😢😞💡🧠🤯😃 ~~~~~~~~ Pile 3 (The Bats): Your Animal: BAT Your Tarot: Queen of Pentacles, The Star RX, Eight of Wands RX, Six of Cups I'm getting two distinct messages for this pile, depending on whether you're taken or not! For those of you who aren't taken, you're feeling rather lonely. You're a very warm, quiet, nurturing creature, with nothing to nurture!! As kind as you are, you're just as determined. And that determination to find someone to keep you company will pay off! However, it might take a bit of work on your part. Look for old friends to spend time with, perhaps a childhood friend or the one you've had the longest. You might also receive a message from an ex, offering reconciliation with good intentions. It's up to you whether you take what they offer to you, but something tells me you were never quite over them in the first place, even if you tried to convince yourself you were. For those of you who are, you may have noticed a lack of movement or spark in your relationship. The puppy love has been over, and things settled into normalcy, or perhaps you both have been distracted by other things. Try and find something fun to do this week with them, set aside some time to do something you both love! If you had any doubts on whether they still loved you, go ahead and toss those doubts away. They still utterly adore you, and wish they had more time to spend with you. If you take some time to spend with them, they'll push to do the exact same. 😞🎉💕🫂💞🧑‍🤝‍🧑 ~~~~~~~~ Pile 4 (The Peacock): Your Animal: PEACOCK Your Tarot: Nine of Pentacles, Temperance, Knight of Wands RX Damn, Pile 4, look at you GO! You are finding some success and money job-wise this week! You may have just started a new endeavor, and are already seeing results. It might be more of a grind than you would prefer, but don't worry, that'll change real quick. You'll settle into things, and honestly, you just gotta keep up the status quo! Keep yourself rested and hydrated as you get through the bulk of your current project or job, and soon you'll be finding new, inspiring things to do in the field! Maybe you weren't expecting this job (or upcoming job) to be so reasonable and such a good fit, but you'll be pleasantly surprised! Don't neglect your emotions, or neglect your well-being this week. Speak your mind and heart, and you'll get where you wanna be. Passions and creativity are gonna smack you in the face like a truck towards the end of the week, it might be related to work, or it might just be that you found a solid work/life balance! You found a hobby to balance it all out, while also not wearing you down. You're finding your footing this week and gaining confidence, looking forward, treating yourself well, things are overall gonna be much more stable for you! Good for you Pile 4!! 💰⚒️😴🥤💪😁👍 ~~~~~~~~ General Thoughts and Notes for All Piles:
New starts and lots about truth!! Inner truth and otherwise! Lots of karmic encounters and events! Everyone's eyes are on the prize this week, which is amazing! Lots of seeking things, and lots of finding what you've been seeking!! This is awesome news! Of course, lots of Air energy as well, which makes total sense. Everyone is sharp mentally this week, you may find a boost in your focus. It'll be all that much easier to tune out the bad and focus on only the good, or hone in on something you've been trying to find. Good luck this week, you got this! -DV 💜💚
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My theories (and some hopes) on how Season 3 of The Bad Batch might go:
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I think I’ll do this in bullet points so that it’s better organized. Since this is a pretty long post, I'll keep it under the cut.
The season would probably start off with Hunter, Wrecker and Echo continuing their search for Omega, but are seeking help from Rex and other clone rebels they’re working with. Heck maybe Senator Chuchi hearing about Omega being captured, she’ll be completely devastated and will do everything in her power to find out more about Hemlock and help the batch with info they would need.
I personally don’t think the batch would find Omega in episode 1 or early in the season, but are working hard to find her. They may even have failed mission attempts along the way.
PHEE!!! Poor Phee! 😭 I’m definitely sure she’d be heartbroken about Tech and devastated about Omega getting captured (the last thing she told her I can’t 😭😭). I think she would join the batch in their rescue efforts.
FERAL RUTHLESS BROODY HUNTER NOT STOPPING AT ANYTHING UNTIL HE GETS HIS DAUGHTER BACK!!!! 😤
At the same time, Hunter will be shattered and feel like a failed leader 🥺💔 He’ll feel like he failed to keep his squad safe and together and blame himself for losing Tech and Omega and eventually break (Please let this man cry!!! He’s been through so much he needs it!) Aaaaand I think he might have so many conflicting feelings on Crosshair (might make a separate post for this one).
Poor Wrecker will probably not be as cheerful and goofy this time around 🥺
Echo trying to convince Hunter to join the clone rebels even after they rescue Omega since the Empire won’t stop being a threat but Hunter’s still traumatized from losing Tech and Omega and is brutally terrified of the Empire’s power (and honestly he has every right to be). He just wants to settle down and put his soldier days behind him.
Would actually love to see more of Wrecker’s stance on whether to fight the empire or not, since he loves anything that goes “BOOM” and loves to put up a good fight (and would bet that he would love to see the Empire burn) but he also enjoyed something as peaceful as fishing on Pabu PLUSSS he was actually full for the first time! It was so good to see him happy! 🙌🏽
More on Phee, I feel like she might be a shoulder that the batch can lean on, someone to help them through their grief and trauma. She helped them so much in season 2 and I can see her continuing that.
I know this one’s controversial but just hear me out. I’m angry at Cid more than anything right now, Buuuuuuut I still can’t ignore how sad she was when she betrayed the batch even though that doesn’t justify what she did. So, my theory is that she will feel so much regret because she knows what she did was beyond effed up and will try to make things right with the batch, even offering to help them find and save Omega. Obviously the batch would hate her and not trust her nor are they willing to forgive her (and they have every right not to) and refuse her help several times. Heck I would love to see Hunter in a fit of rage scream at her that if it hadn’t been for her, Omega would’ve still been with them and not in the hands of the Empire. Cid feels so much regret for putting Omega in danger since I know she’s always had a soft spot for her regardless of all the times Cid did them wrong, so obviously she would have to do everything beyond her power and genuinely try to regain the batch’s trust and show that she definitely wants to help them (ofc she would also have to accept that her days of exploiting the batch will never come back and prove it to them). I guess she might be key in getting important intel for saving Omega and they may have to reluctantly trust her? (Then ofc I would still want them to permanently part ways with Cid afterwards because she’s done enough to them and doesn’t deserve their forgiveness like ever).
We could also be getting a lot of focus on Omega and Crosshair on Mt Tantiss simultaneously with the batch attempting their rescue efforts. Crosshair would be shocked that Omega’s there despite him previously trying to warn the batch to hide. Omega fills him in and tells him they tried to save him but Tech “died”. I think we’ll see him devastated and potentially feel guilty for not being there to protect him or feel that his attempted rescue was the cause. Either way I still feel like Crosshair will feel so much guilt over his past actions with the empire and betraying his brothers and Omega trying to assure him that it wasn’t his fault or something like that. Definitely would love to see lots of Crosshair and Omega bonding!
Omega trying to devise a plan to escape the facility and trying to get Crosshair to help her but he feels like it’s hopeless. Omega being herself refuses to give up and thinks that there’s a way to reach her other brothers and is trying to get Crosshair to not give up.
Omega will probably scold Emerie for working with the empire on doing experiments and torturing her own brothers and it potentially may be revealed that Emerie is forced to do this?
More backstory on Emerie and potentially Omega(?), maybe force sensitive Omega gets confirmed but at this point I’m not even sure (this could be a post for another time).
Emerie might redeem (?) and help Omega and Crosshair escape covertly, but can’t stop experimenting on her brothers. Maybe until later?
I would predict that if there would be a successful rescue mission, it would be during the midseason. Maybe Crosshair and Omega might be able to send a transmission to their brothers in secret with Emerie’s help?
HUNTER AND OMEGA HUG PLZZZZZZZ 😭❤️ PLZZ DAVE I NEED THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! Plus seeing Hunter and Omega reunite after everything that’s happened and all that time they were separated, I think a hug would be most impactful here!! I wanna see Hunter be the one to initiate the hug and hold her so tight! 😭 I wanna see him be so tender with her and Omega hugging him in tears so happy that she’s back with her dad! 😭❤️
I need a happy reunion not just with Hunter but I wanna see Echo and Wrecker being ecstatic that Omega’s back!!! 😭❤️ Ofc I will not forget about Phee!!
I almost forgot, AZI!!! I love this droid so much and I hope he can be more active this season and we can see Omega back with her bestie!
Omega would probably get a new weapon since I think her energy bow is long gone 🥲
Crosshair rejoins the batch! But wait. Just because he’s back, doesn’t mean that everything’s back to normal. Wrecker might be the happiest to have him back but still wouldn’t be his playful goofy self around him just yet. I feel like the one relationship that needs the most mending is Hunter and Crosshair and hopefully we see that play out. They both need to work on rebuilding trust and forgiveness in each other. Crosshair will still probably feel guilty and try to make things right with his remaining brothers and re-earn their trust and forgiveness.
More on the last point though, I feel that despite the damage in Hunter and Crosshair’s relationship, Hunter still genuinely cares so much about his brother (which I might elaborate in another post as mentioned above). Once he finds out what happened to him on Mt Tantiss, I can bet that he’ll go feral on Hemlock and everyone in that operation.
Now here’s another theory on the darker and less cheerful side. I’m definitely believing that Tech is still alive since we neither saw him hit the ground nor did we see his body and that’s a general rule in the Galaxy. Heck we saw Maul get cut in half and survive, Anakin get burned alive and survive, Boba was trapped in the Sarlacc for who knows how long and guess what? He survived that! Hunter even fell from up high on Daro and was able to use his vibro knife to ease the impact of the fall along with the trees helping, and I don’t even believe he got injured from that. So I definitely think Tech is smart enough to find a means to survive the fall somehow. He had his legs broken in the season 2 premiere and yet he still managed to follow Echo and Omega and hold his own in combat against several troopers, so unless we see some sort of confirmation, I’m convinced he managed to survive.
More on the last point, I definitely think that he would be pretty badly injured or potentially in a coma. His goggles may have fallen off which caused them to break so if Tech managed to wake up, he could’ve potentially escaped(?). I’m definitely leaning more towards Hemlock finding him unconscious and taking him to Mt Tantiss for experimentation (potentially Winter Solider-type experiments or something similar to what the techno union did to Echo(?)), but he’s being held separately. And he was merely using Tech’s goggles against the batch to manipulate them.
As for how the batch would find out about him being alive, I definitely have multiple theories about this. Either Omega and Crosshair could find out while they were at Mt Tantiss and try to rescue him. Or the rescue attempt might fail but they might tell the batch and they may have to attempt a different rescue effort. Ooooooor I think Emerie might be assigned to work on him but might end up helping him out (Ok I know I keep bringing her up but I just can’t see her as genuinely evil). I feel like he could either get rescued with Crosshair and Omega or towards the end? Would he end up with cybernetic enhancements? Brainwashed into fighting his brothers? So many questions!! 😭 And again, Phee!!! I would love to imagine how a rescue effort or reunion would look like! I think we would all know how it would play out in different situations! 🙌🏽
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But seriously if Tech’s alive and well and recused by the batch, I wanna see a happy reunion! 😭
CLONE UPRISING AND REBELLION!!! BRING DOWN MT TANTISS OPERATION ONCE AND FOREALL!! 😤🙌🏽 SAVE THE CLONES!! JUSTICE FOR THE CLONES!! 🙌🏽
I think the clones trying to take down Mt Tantiss might be the finale plot of the season. If word does get out about Mt Tantiss, I think Palpatine might handle Hemlock the same way he handled Rampart, while still maintaining even more secretive cloning operations on other planets, including Exegol(?).
Not in the intended order but maaaaaybe we get a teen Penn Pershing??? It would totally make sense considering his research being focused in cloning and that he started his career young!
Will we see Pabu again? Lyanna? Shep? So many questions I have around this one.
Theories on who might die this season:
Unless this would be the final season (idk if it would be since I feel like there’s a lot of storytelling potential, ideally up until season 4 or 5), I highly doubt any of the batch would die too soon. And I honestly would rather them not die since I feel like having main characters die at the end is so overused in SW it would actually be satisfying to see a happy ending for once. Esp for the clones since they were created to be “dispensable military units” and I really wanna see not only the batch, but several of the surviving clones being given the chance to live normal lives outside being soldiers. 🥲🤞🏽
Nala Se: I’ve had a theory for a while that she might get killed trying to free Omega or keep her safe from the empire. Even though this will never justify her past actions, she might also have regrets(?). I feel like Omega would break down from this.
Emerie: though I’m against redemption=death for the most part, I feel like she might killed trying to help Omega and Crosshair or if she stands up to Hemlock and refuses to work for him any longer (again I maybe stretching it with her not being a villain or her potentially getting redeemed but the fact that she’s a clone opens up so much potential for her).
Lama Su: Plzzzzzzzz!! I would love to see this man get killed and not get his freedom! He totally doesn’t deserve it!
Hemlock(?): Not sure if he would get killed or arrested like Rampart? But honestly it would be satisfying to see him get killed eventually.
Any clone we may have known or yet to know (since tbb writers love making us fall in love with these clones then killing them 🥲)
Phee(?): I really hope not, but at the same time I’m trying not to only focus on characters I hate/dislike with this list.
Aaaaaand that’s all I have. I know this is a super long post so I congratulate you for making it to the end lol. Of course, these are all just my opinions and theories so any or all of them could be wrong. What do you think? Feel free to comment and reblog if you wanna add anything! 😊✌🏽
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weirdlynotspecific · 1 year
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Studying Hunter from TOH as a person with PTSD
So as you probably gathered this post is going to be a bit heavy. Tw for: narcissists, PTSD, abuse, Belos being Belos, trauma and it's after effects
Also bare in mind that this is just my opinion. I have PTSD caused by someone similar to Belos and noticed a lot of similarities between Hunter and I. However, I am by no means an authority on this topic and this is just my take on the character.
I will probably come back to this and edit it to add more if I think of anything else.
Also spoilers for The Owl House up until Season 3 Episode 1, Thanks to Them.
Hunter's unwillingness to believe Belos is a bad person
This is something many people with PTSD (especially if the person/people causing the trauma is a narcissist) go through when other people realize something is off.
It can look like denial, grief, anger, and the person being abused can be furious with the person who realized something was wrong.
It's really confusing like in Hunter's case when Belos has been put on a pedestal (literally) his entire life
Belos gave Hunter a purpose. This is love bombing. This can appear as: "Wow you're so special" "I love you so so much". Belos straight up tells Hunter: "You're destined for something" (Hunter brings it up in Hollow Mind I think) and makes him the golden guard. It's a common tactic with manipulators so that their victim has a reason to stay with them.
Belos also isolated him. Hunter never knew what a good caregiver looked like. He wouldn't know what abuse looks like because all of this has been normalized. He wasn't even allowed to leave the castle except on missions on the weekends (I believe that's in season 3 episode 1).
Hunter's signs
Hunter's shaking hands seen in Hollow Mind. This can be an underlying physical disorder but in Hunter's case it's most likely because he is in fight or flight and processing a lot of information at once. The mind can take stress out physically on the body and this is one way this can appear.
Hunter's hypervigilance. Hunter is very easily spooked (once again Hollow Mind this episode is just full of Hunter and Belos making it my best point of reference) and is constantly on edge. Even in the newest episode (S3 E1) he is on edge, although in this case he was right.
Hunter's eyebags. So I think this could be one of 2 things; stress appearing physically on the body again, or more likely a lack of sleep. many with PTSD sleep less, have trouble staying asleep, avoid sleep, and are more prone to nightmares.
Cutting his hair when he thought he looked too much like Belos. This scene hit hard for me because I also changed my hair because of my trauma. It's an example of taking control of what you can, which many abuse victims do when they have a space to. It's also avoidance, Hunter doing what he can to be the furthest thing from Belos. it's a scene that even if it's a little detail, it's extremely important to his character.
Not telling his friends he's a grimwalker. Abuse victims don't want to feel alone. In this case when Hunter is in Fight or Flight he chooses another option, Fawn. It's a people-pleasing method to make sure the victim doesn't get hurt again. It can also result in codependency. Hunter is very careful of what he says to his friends because he doesn't want to be left alone and feel that again.
Causes
Physical injury. Hunter has a scar (now several) on his face. Unwanted permanent change to the body ESPECIALLY through force is never healthy and can be extremely traumatic.
Psychological abuse. Belos is a known liar, it's stated over and over again in the series. Living in a relationship like that is breeding grounds for trauma because you can never be sure if what you are hearing is the truth or not. When Hunter finds out he's a grimwalker that is his entire life flipped over. His life, his identity, was made up by Belos. He is now forced to figure out what is actually his and what was made up.
Sources
https://www.dailyom.com/journal/is-it-love-or-is-it-love-bombing-5-red-flags-to-help-you-spot-the-difference/?aff=91&ad=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PerformanceMax&acct=9358138875&campaign_id=16896613381&gclid=CjwKCAiA5Y6eBhAbEiwA_2ZWIdNpOVzzurt7m4MaXkLRwaaejex6WBv4MaCcMSXZMJrbiVJRj7VVHRoCijQQAvD_BwE
https://atlanticcoastrehab.blog/why-your-hands-tremble
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/related/sleep_problems.asp#:~:text=Loss%20of%20sleep%20time.,loss%20can%20affect%20daily%20life.
https://www.modernintimacy.com/fawn-response-trauma-response-reason-for-people-pleasing-behavior/#:~:text=Fawning%20is%20also%20sometimes%20associated,they%20think%20they%20need%20you.
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licncourt · 1 year
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moments in VC that alter my brain chemistry (in a good way)
I thought was a good idea so thank you to @prouvaireafterdark for tagging me in @msrandonstuff 's request for a list like this!
I have to specify "(in a good way)" because there is so much wtf nonsense in these books, but I will gladly do a separate "(in a bad way)" list if y'all want. These are mostly from the first two books because they're by FAR the best, but there are a couple from the third and from the last three. If you've seen my Loustat moments post, you've seen everything you need to see from the middle books.
I've included page numbers for all these, but they won't apply to every version of the books. Fortunately, I have a Google Drive folder of VC book PDFs that these correspond to linked here
Spoilers, obviously.
Louis' turning in Interview with the Vampire p. 22-24 (romantic, sexy horror at its finest)
THE PROSTITUTE SCENE in IWTV p. 83-94 (an abridged version is in the 1994 movie, but the AMC show replaced it, rather anticlimactically imo, with the tenor scene. I have a breakdown of what makes the OG version so incredible right here)
Claudia's turning in IWTV p. 97-101 (while I understand the reasoning behind the changes in the AMC show, I prefer the book version. Additional Claudia spoilers here)
Louis' confession and slaughter of the priest in IWTV p. 154-156 (still heartbroken that this was storyboarded but cut from the movie, AMC better give it to me)
Claudia's "murder" of Lestat in IWTV p. 143-145 (gaslight gatekeep girlboss)
Louis and Lestat's brief reunion at the end of IWTV p. 340-346 (fucking brutal, iconic though and way gayer than the movie version)
The intro of The Vampire Lestat p. 1-3 (the first page is written, I swear to you, in the style of My Immortal, but I love it)
Lestat's first date with Nicolas as mortals in TVL p. 30-35 (Loustat is everything but human Nickistat is soooo baby)
Lestat's turning in TVL p. 63-66 (big CW for non-con, but a amazingly chilling scene)
Lestat finds the dungeon of Magnus' tower in TVL p. 77-79 (such a great horror moment)
Nicolas' condemnation of Lestat in TVL p. 198-201 (heartbreaking but such a watershed moment)
Lestat's recollections of Louis and Claudia in TVL p. 385-388 (THEY!!!!!!)
LOUSTAT REUNION FR THIS TIME in TVL p. 403-411 (this is the most important part of VC actually. Nothing else matters)
Lestat's rock concert in TVL p. 412-417 (he is so stupid but good for him)
Armand turning Daniel, the interviewer from IWTV, in Queen of the Damned p. 62-65 (the whole chapter this is from, The Devil's Minion, is amazing and one of the most loved parts of VC, so honestly just read it all)
Louis and Lestat visit NOLA in QotD p. 270-273 (this is where you should stop reading. Nothing is gained past this point)
Louis and Lestat express their feelings for real in Prince Lestat p. 508 (this is on my Loustat moments post, but it has to be here too)
Louis lets go of his grief and accepts happiness at the end of PL p. 518-525 (Louis was in Anne Rice character jail for almost forty years but YES YES THE TIGER IS OUT)
Louis and Lestat commit to each other permanently in Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis p. 131-141 (so many incredible Loustat things packed in here. All that makes this book justified in its existence)
Louis and Lestat live happily ever after in Blood Communion p. 282-284 (If it wasn't for this after All That Shit, I would've had to smash my face into concrete)
117 notes · View notes
wangxianficfinder · 2 years
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In the mood for a Fic...
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1. Hello Mods!! Thank u for all your hard work. For the next I'm In The Mood For, I'm wondering if u know any fic where WY lost his memory post nightless city or the first burial mound's siege. So it's more like a canon divergence. ( A sprinkle of Dark!LWJ is greatly appreciated) Thank you !(づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ @lil-dusty-rose
fix on the hour by RavenclawLoki (M, 23k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Memory loss, Amnesia, Hurt/comfort, Light angst, getting together) (WWX loses his memory after getting thrown into the burial mounds the first time ~ Mod C)
And They Have Escaped The Weight of Darkness by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Memory Loss, Grief/Mourning, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, domestic life, Happy Ending)
Helping Yourself by nirejseki (Not Rated, 1k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Temporary Amnesia, Short-Term Memory Loss) For WWX that loses his memory after BM
In Memoriam by NevillesGran (G, 10k, WIP, Canon Divergence, Burial Mounds-Induced Amnesia, Yílíng Lǎozǔ WWX, Blood, creepy shadows, Mind Manipulation) For WWX that loses his memory after BM
A Song I Almost Remember by protos_metazu_ison, storiesofwolves (T, 9k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Anastasia AU, Amnesia, Some people live / Not everybody dies, Family Drama, Mystery, Mutual Pining)
Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Hurt/comfort, Canon Divergence, Angst with a happy ending) One of my favorites
The River Brought You Here by ChilianXianzi (Not rated, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Sunshot campaign divergence, POV Outsider, Permanent injury side effects) In this one it's memory loss post-Fall of Lotus Pier
Wake by mondengel (Not rated, 2k, WangXian, Angst, Amnesia) locked to AO3 members only
Forget Me Not by Vamillepudding (T, 10k, WangXian,Temporary Amnesia, Romantic Comedy, Misunderstandings, Protective JC, Light Angst, Post-Canon, LWJ Needs a Hug, everyone thinks they're married, Podfic Available) not quite the ask, but a fun amnesia read
~*~
2. Idk if y’all do in the mood for more smut based fics (Any fic genre is okay! ^^ ~ Mod C) but I’m desperate here 😭 I’m looking for fics that actually have aftercare (as in it’s a dedicated scene and not just a throw away line) and/or fics that focus on the importance of consent in kinky settings. There’s a lot of fics that are tagged that way but it’s a struggle to slog through ones that are focused on that and the ones that do the bare minimum. It’s totally fine if y’all don’t wanna deal with this and I’m sorry if it’s inappropriate to ask 🙇
to dwell inside a body series by  typefortydeductions (E, 106k, wangxian, modern, dom/sub, kink negotiations, under-negotiated kink, safewording, rough sex, found family, mental health issues, hurt/comfort, genderfluid WWX, healthy communication)
Maybe You're the Reason by Clearpearls (E, 67k, wangxian, college/university au, phone sex, secret identity, praise kink, phone sex operator WWX, fluff, light angst, dirty talk, sub LWJ, bottom LWJ, slow burn, aftercare)
💖crazy in love series by w_wxsparkles (E, 51k, wangxian, modern, BDSM au, dom/sub, bottom LWJ, sub LWJ, getting to know each other, kink negotiations, rich WWX, porn w/ plot, travel, full smut tags in the works)
Yin and Yang series by Milk_Tea_Fantasy (E, 91k, wangxian, ABO, canon divergence, non-traditional ABO dynamics, omega LWJ, alpha WWX, panic attacks, pining, weddings, subspace, bottom & sub LWJ, porn w/ feelings, enthusiastic consent, mpreg, subdrop, angst w/ happy ending) Sidenote, the last fic in series on permanent hiatus but all the other fics are complete!
after, care by Gaez (bell_flowers) (E, 3k, WangXian, Anal Sex, Sex Toys, Bondage, sex tears, Aftercare, Fluff, Post-Canon)
lay your hands on me by hmc73 (E, 192k, ChengJue, BDSM, Explicit Sex, Modern AU, Everybody Lives/nobody dies, Bad parent MY, Aftercare, Hurt/comfort) I don't know that aftercare is like the MAIN focus here, but it focuses heavily on a healthy kink relationship and the importance of consent. There are multiple scenes w aftercare, discussions of subdrop and domdrop, and a heavy plot point revolving around consent + trust... highly recommend
try a little tenderness by ilip13 (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, BDSM, Dom/Sub, Aftercare, Subdrop) #2 would probably like "try a little tenderness" by ilip13, which is almost all aftercare
leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (E, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, Switch WangXian, Meet-Ugly, Panic Attacks, Autistic LWJ, Neurodivergent WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Minor Angst, Happy Ending) it's a longfic, but leave all your love and longing behind def has dedicated time for that
~*~
3. hello!!!! for ur ‘in the mood for’ posts, i was looking for fics where wangxian kind fucked off and did their own thing? (modern au super welcome btw!!) like idk their families (both or just one of them) were being assholes so they just left/cut contact, and then they come back years later or something among those line (sorry if it’s rly vague😭😭 just something im craving but don’t rly know how to express i guess hahah)
my life's journey is far from over by thelastdboy (E, 147k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Madam Lán Lives, JYL Lives, WQ Lives, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Slow Burn, Anxiety, Situational Mutism, , Case Fic, Sentient Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort Modern AU but not too modern™, Mild Smut, Non-Verbal Safewords, Nmj Lives) is one we see a lot on this blog but it DOES fit the ask, so
the long way back home by Misila (E, 199k, WangXian, WIP, Modern AU, Heavy Angst, JC centric, Dysfunctional Family, hopeful ending, mental health issues)
💖moonlight falls by RoseThorne (T, 11k, wangxian, modern, found family, corporate espionage, bunnies, adoption, family feels, anxiety, confrontations, bad parent LQR)
💖From the beyond by apathyinreverie (T, 11k, wangxian, BAMF wangxian, ghost WWX, not cultivation world friendly, angst & fluff, happy ending, rogue cultivators, domestic) does it count if one of them is a ghost :’) ~Mod L
~*~
4. hey!!!! do u know of any wangxian transmitigation fics??
even across a thousand miles by merryofsoul (T, 10k, WangXian, HuaLian, TGCF Crossover, Post Canon, Light Angst, Body swap/Soul Switch)
Switched by Xiao_Hua ( M, 16k, WangXian, HuaLian, TGCF Crossover, Canon Divergence, CR Study Era, Body Swap/Soul Switch, Fluff)
So Call Me a Pessimist, but I Don't Believe in It by Anonymous (Not Rated, 68k, WIP, WangXian, Transmigrators WWX & WN, Modern WW & WN)
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5. hey lovely mods! for the next 'in the mood for..' post i am searching for A) good single dadxian fics (I've been reading pretty much nothing but Single Dadxian fics these past few days 😅 ~ Mod C) B) wangxian with age difference 🫣 thank you !! <3
5A)
🧡Please Call Me Again by legendlanzhan ( T, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid fic, Single parent WWX, Prank calls, Fluff, Humor)
🧡Come Home to You by TheSupremeShadowOverlord for SuthernLand (T, 7k, Fluff, Kid fic, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Lawyer LWJ, Domestic fluff)
🧡Going Home At Last by Mollshka (CaptainAmelia22) (T, 13k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid fic, Single parent WWX, Teacher WWX, Teacher LWJ, Cats, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending)
🧡hot for teacher by attackofthezee (noxlunate) (M, 8k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid fic, Teacher LWJ, Single parent WWX, Fluff, Getting together)
🧡Baby, You're the End of June by panicking (T, 24k, WangXian, Recreational Soccer, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Fluff, Slow Burn, Mutual pining)
🧡A Knight in Shining Armor by thievinghippo (G, 6k, Knight at Medieval times AU, Blue knight LWJ, Single dad WWX, Kid LSZ, Fluff, Meet-Cute)
Can we keep him? by Sweetlittlevampire ( G, 15k, WangXian, Cat LWJ, Shapeshifter LWJ, Light Angst, Modern AU, Kid fic, Single dad WWX, Happy ending)
🧡chance meetings by autumnkites (T, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Reunions, Elementary School Teacher LWJ, Single Dad WWX)
🧡Child's Play by flowercity (FaoriE) (T, 14k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid fic, Single parent WWX, Fluff, Light angst, Love at first sight)
🧡A String to be Plucked by DizziDreams (M, 17k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Music teacher LWJ, Fluff, Light angst, fade to black sex, set in USA)
Window Shopping by thunderwear (E, 18k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Quarantine fic, Mutual Pining, Fluff)
5B)
Like the sea loves the shore by Say (E, 15k, wangxian, implied/referenced WWX/WC, rule 63, fantasy au, sirens, dark LWJ, romance, friends to lovers, fluff, angst w/ happy ending, smut, mild gore, non-human genitelia, infidelity, age difference)
Cyclone by friedchickenlord (T, 159k, wangxian, age difference, canon divergence, younger LWJ, fluff & humor, and then angst w/ happy ending, slow burn, hurt/comfort)
❤️together, we’re just enough by lulu_kitty (E, 134k, wangxian, age differenec, younger LWJ, slow burn)
you'll love me at once (the way you did once upon a dream) by sweetlolixo (T, 18k, wangxian, dark fairy tale, maleficent inspired, sleeping beauty au, younger LWJ, maleficent WWX, true love’s kiss, angst w/ happy ending)
Awaiting Your Return by Karmiya (E, 118k, WangXian, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, the opposite of slow burn, Found Family, Canon Divergence, Age Difference, discussions of wei wuxian's canonical abusive childhood) With an older LWJ
a garden, a tenderness by butterflylungs (E, 16k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Modern Cultivators, Getting Together, casual hook up to friends to lovers, Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Wound Tending, Happy Ending, Age Difference, Power Imbalance) With an older LWJ
golden when the day met the night by glitteringmoonlight ( Not Rated, 71k, WIP, WangXian, Canon, Slow-ish burn, Sugar Daddy LWJ, which is an anachronistic term for this fic but it fits, Light Angst, Fluff, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut) The age difference isn’t really mentioned, but I thinks it makes sense with the plot?
🧡We Were Never Strangers by NeverEnoughWangxian (M, 36k, Modern AU, College student WWX, Immortal LWJ &LSZ, Dreams, Getting Together, Reincarnation) With immortal LWJ and reincarnated WWX, so a very large age difference
Thirty-three Lashes by Winglesss (E, 56k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Reincarnation, Case Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn) With immortal LWJ and reincarnated WWX, so a very large age difference
4018 by sweetlolixo (E, 28k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Older LWJ, Immortal LWJ, A/B/O, Mpreg, Feminization, Angst with a happy ending, Explicit Sex)
as the clouds part and clear, we finally meet again by 12262325 (E, 76k, WangXian, Younger LWJ, Older WWX, Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut)
red apple, cherry on your lips by mellowflicker (E,34k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, inn worker!wwx, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, Miscommunication, Accidental Baby Acquisition, teacher!lwj and student!wwx vibes, Happy Ending)
you pulled my hands to look at the stars by 12262325 (T, 18k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, College Student WWX, Professor LWJ, Getting Together, No angst)
your love, unmoved by ravenditefairylights, TheOtherAsianKid (M, 82k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single parent LWJ, Older LWJ, Sickfic, Hurt/comfort, Fake/pretend relationship, Nonbinary LSZ, Domestic fluff)
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6. hi <3 could i ask for fics where A) jin ling and a-yuan grow up as cousins or just closer friends? and, do you know of any fics where B) lwj calls a-yuan with endearments growing up like a-bao or like bunny or something? many (many) thanks!! <3
6A)
Time Kept Flowing by notoneforreality (T, 137k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, major character death is wwx, who comes back, Family, Autistic LWJ, Kid Fic, JC and LWJ raise the kids, Co-parenting is hard, Emotional Hurt/Comfort)
Lotus Remix by TheAdelaideParade (G, 1k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/comfort, Slow Burn)
This is my emotional support found family au Series by nerdzeword (T, 32k, WangXian, Found Family, JC and LWJ as reluctant best friends, coparenting with your brother in law, a surplus of bunnies, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Fluff)
6B)
Welcome to the Family Series by jiejieaini (E, 237k, WangXian, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, Angst, Explicit Sex) They call A-Yuan Tuzi, but this is a hard read at times
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7. i didn't know how to go about looking for this, but i had an idea based on other mxtx stuff i read (like fics where sy builds a shrine for sj as thanks for getting his body, which brings sj back as a ghost/deity/etc), and i was wondering if there's a fic like that for mxy? i assume ppl who love wwx and are grateful he's alive again would want to honor mxy, and then bam his lil gay heart is beating again! asdkjfs (this is more of a prompt tbh but i thought someone mustve thought of it before)
Fortune Ascending by FirefliesNLightningBugs ( T, 1k, MXY, HuaLian, TGCF Crossover, Canon Divergence, Inspired by Tumblr, MXY Lives(sort of), MXY Deserves Happiness, god MXY, MXY ascends, Mentioned HC, Mentioned XL, Canonical Character Death, Post-Canon)
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8. Hello, sorry to bother all of u. I was wondering if u know any fics where Jin Ling is raised by WY instead of JC or raised by the two of them. Once again sorry to bother u and thank u. Stay safe and rest well.
Grief Behind a Graceful Smile by Plutoliam (T, 31k, WangXian, Tattoo Artist LWJ, Character Death(JZX/JYL), Adopted LSZ, Child LSZ, Baby JL, Child LJY, Wei Wuxian has tattoos, Designer WWX, Custody Battle, Custody Arrangements, Lawyer LXC, Good Uncle LQR's also a laywer, Lawyer JC, Angst with a Happy Ending)
The Way of the Golden Lotus by DizziDreams (M,70k, Modern AU, Martial Arts, Wushu, Kung Fu, martial arts instructor!lwj, WWX and JC coparenting, preteen!Juniors, Light Angst, there's always gonna be at least some light angst it's wangxian, background NieLan - background sangcheng, America, Eventual Smut, but just a little bit of smut, Happy Ending)
Death of a Ghost by Gotcocomilk (E, 107k, WangXian, WWX & JL, Canon Divergence, Ghost WWX, Hurt/comfort, Family bonding, Fluff, Angst,)
To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, WIP, 100k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Fox spirit WWX, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragon LWJ, Kid Fic, teenage juniors) has a WWX and JC who've been raising JL together, WIP
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9. In the mood for: any favorite canon divergent fics where the canon that’s diverged from is MDZS the novel rather than CQL/the Untamed. They’re a little hard to find!
Return to Sender by Thesaurus_with_no_words (M, 72k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Yílíng Lǎozǔ WWX, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Temporary Amnesia, Partial Memory Loss, Literal Emotional Manipulation, Unreliable Narrator WWX)
🧡Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 329k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)
on restitution by glitteringmoonlight (M, 98k, WangXian, Dark JC, not for jc fans, Captivity, Angst with a Happy Ending, no reconciliation though, Crossdressing, Non-Graphic Torture, Violence)
🧡a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 180k, WangXian, Arranged marriage, Canon Divergence, Hurt/comfort, Light angst, Canon typical violence)
Cryptids are not Permitted in the Cloud Recesses by crossdressingdeath (E, 96k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fluff, a bit of angst because it's mdzs but it is mostly fluff, more angst than originally anticipated, it won't stop, please help me, there is only one brain cell in this entire fic and it mostly belongs to lan xichen, Everybody Lives Except The People Who Are Already Dead)
tame by rikke (M, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Very Dumb, very fluff)
nothing gold can stay by rikke ( M, 10k, WangXian)
Through The Abyss by bluesloth (T, 53k, WIP, WWX & JL & JC, Time Travel, Canon Era, Friendship, Drama, Humor, Explicit Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death)
🧡SanRen by Kyogre (T, 87k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Different first meeting, Romantic fluff, Eventual happy ending)
Cultivating immortality by KizuKatana (E, 231k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Rouge cultivator WWX, Hurt/comfort, Angst with a happy ending) marked as a canon mashup, but I’d say 90% novel and 10% donghua, in character dynamics as well as plot
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10. Hi! I love this blog so much ! I have a request for the "I am in the mood for-" post💚 I am in the mood for a romantic fic where Lan Zhan is the one that approaches Wei Ying first, then iniatiates their relationship/confesses. I usually only see this dynamic when it's Dark!Lan Zhan or ABO fics. Have you (or any readers) ever seen a fic where Lan Zhan courts Wei Ying? Thanks so much 💙
it's just (aah) a little crush (crush!) by sweetlolixo (T, 9k, wangxian, cloud recesses study arc, romance, courting rituals, misunderstandings, fluff, humor, pining)
soft serve by catasstr0phy (E, 9k, wangxian, urban fantasy au, getting together, fluff, food as a metaphor for love, fox WWX, dragon LWJ, miscommunication, courting rituals, smut)
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11. For "in the mood," the canon and divergence fic got me wanting more AUs where, for whatever reason, LWJ doesn't immediately recognise WWX--maybe he doesn't hear him playing, idk. I just love the tension of waiting to see what might actually tip him off eventually. Thanks for all your hard work and lovey recs!
Divergence and Convergence by dissentingsweaters (M, 65k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a happy ending, Slow Burn, Heavy Angst)
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12. I'm hoping for fics in which Madam Lan, Cangse Sanren, and/or Yu Ziyuan survive. Sami and Jenrose have written some delightful ones; I'm hoping there's more? I'm also hoping for fics where Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and/or Qin Su survive. @alexseanchai
Peacefall by adrian_kres (T, 23k, WangXian, Canon rewrite, QHJ-ML-CS-WCZ Live, Everybody lives/Nobody Dies, CR study Era, Assassin Madam Lan)
🧡Resplendence by FrozenMarVel ( E, 159k, WIP, WangXian, CS Lives, Rouge cultivator WWX, Crossdressing, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of sorts, Fluff, Explicit smut)
Building a home by R95irth (T, 586k, WCZ/CS, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-it, Angst with a happy ending,. Family fluff) It's light on Madame Lan content, but she is a subplot there as well
a bird in your teeth by Eevee (EvaM) (E, 61k, YangLi, All of the sex in this fic is consensual, But one of the participants IS a fierce corpse, JYL POV, Minor Character Death(you probably won't be sad about it), Implied/Referenced Torture, Angst, Hopeful Ending) ... technically yanli lives-- that is, if you consider being a sentient fierce corpse living. This is one of my favorite rare pair fics
the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, QingLi, WangXian, WQ Lives, JYL resurrection, ghost QS, XY resurrects WWX, Hurt/comfort, Angst with a happy ending, fluff, Switch WangXian) Neither of these keep the older gen alive, unfortunately, but QS, WQ, + JYL all live, so! :D
The Return of Cangse Sanren by milesofheart (T, 27k, WIP, WangXian, CS/WCZ, Canon Divergence, CS and WCZ Live, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, BAMF CS, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canon-Typical Violence, Creative talisman use)
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13. Hii!!! I'm currently in a mood for a fic where MXY summoned WWX with his physical body or where MXY ends up living but with WWXs ghost following him. Thank you!~
Twin Demons of Mò by XiaoFeiFei (M, 350k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, MXY Lives, Angst with a happy ending)
Serrated by InkSplatterM & MrMissMrsRandom (E, 194k, WangXianYu, MXY Lives, Canon Divergence, spirit possession, Discussions of Suicide, Suicide Attempt, victim self-blame, Panic Attacks, Explicit Sex, Dom!Mo Xuanyu, Sub!Lan Wangji)
Different Paths to the Same Route by JustAWanderingBabbit (T, 55k, 3zun, Canon Divergence, Magical genetic testing, Family issues) a living WWX (incognito and presumed dead) interrupts MXY’s ritual
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14. Hello! Thank you Mods for your hardwork! A) Any wholesome rarepair Wei Wuxian/Jin Zixuan (esp canon Era, and where jyl is cool with ending the engagement etc.) or B) any fics where wwx and jzx actually get to become friends and interact? (Also preferably canon era)
14A)
Brighter than Vermillion Light by abCEE (M, 49k, XuanYing, Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, OOC, Lan!WWX, Wen!WWX, No Sunshot Campaign, Good Wen sect)
14B)
watch what we'll become by glitteringmoonlight (T, 59k, WangXian, XuanLi, Fix-It of Sorts, Angst with a Happy Ending, you've heard of enemies to friends to lovers, now get ready for enemies to reluctant husbands to begrudging best friends)
🧡 Song by WithBroomBefore (T, 41k, WangXian, QingLi, Platonic Soulbond, Hurt/comfort, Canon Divergence, No golden core transfer, JC&JZX stay in Xuanwu cave, Fix-it, Temporary character death)
Resonant Bonds by nirejseki (G, 3k, JZX & WWX, CR Study Era, Soul bond, Platonic soulmates)
atlas in his sleepin' by anatheme (E, 48k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Reincarnation, Family Reunions, Dimension Travel, temporary transmigration, Transmigrator!LWJ, Angst with a happy ending)
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15. A) Canon Era where wei wuxian is taken in by the Jin sect/where Jin zixuan and wei wuxian have a sibling relationship. I saw a fic once where Jin zixuan got to be a big brother figure (I think it might have been a wip called something like the twin treasures?) and it was very cute. Or B) any fic where wwx is taken in by other people, who aren't a member of the 4 big sects. So like a minor sect, rogue cultivators, a civilian, etc. I once read a REALLY good one where he is adopted by Meng Shi.
A)
Candy & Conspiracies by cl410 (T, 16k, Found Family, Jin WWX, No angst, Fluff, Crack, Humor)
Right Hand Man by nirejseki (T, 8k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX in the Jin sect, Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm) Possibly a bit heavier than others but features JX doing his utmost to be a decent brother to WWX, despite heavy pressure not to
B)
Xiao XingChen's travelling sect series by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 43k, WIP, WangXian, SongXiao, Time travel, Hurt/comfort, murder mystery, Parental XXC, Travel) (WangXian go back in time to when they are 6 and run away together only to be taken in by XXC ~ Mod C)
Through the Storm by marhikit (T, 33k, WangXian, Wen Xu/Male OC, WWX has siblings, Canon Divergence, Not Jiang Family Friendly, No golden core transfer, JZX & WWX friendship)
A thousand things by tickertape (M, 108k, WangXian, Slow burn, Not Jiang! WWX, Hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans) which features WY raised as a Lan
shades of grey by cl410 (M, 58k, WangXian, Nie WWX, Canon Divergence, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, humor, Some angst, happy ending) which features WY raised as a nie. *I'd also like to know the name of the fic where he's raised by Meng Shi??? 👀👀*
what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 45k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death) Wifi raised by meng shi
I Will Call You By Name by DisasterMages (T, 73k, WangXian, WWX raised by XXC, Canon Divergence, Family Feels)
Different Paths to the Same Route by JustAWanderingBabbit (T, 184k, 3zun, Canon Divergence, What-if, Magical genetic testing, Family Issues) a reincarnated child WWX is taken as a disciple by XXC and SL
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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***
173 notes · View notes
darkaviarymc · 29 days
Note
So why tf are you living with a zionist? And why tf did you get married to one in the first place?
I've gotten anons asking invasive questions about my relationship with Troy and why I have yet to end it, and I've deleted each one. I don't know if you're the same anon, but I'm guessing you follow me because my latest #aviisleaving post has no notes and was less than an hour old when I received this ask.
But.
Due to recent events in this fandom, abuse has become a spotlight topic. I don't know if I would call my marriage abusive or not. But whether or not it is, my situation and my reasons for staying in it for the time being is similar to what abusive victims face. There are many reasons not to leave, to bide your time before leaving, and to not be able to leave at the time or even at all, and I think it's an important discussion to have.
I'll start by explaining why I'm with him in the first place. We used to be closer ideologically. He wasn't always this far right and (this is where I make a confession that idk if I'm actually ready to make, but here we go) I wasn't always this far left. Seven years does a lot to change people, for better or worse. I was a left-leaning centerist, he was a right-leaning centerist, and we met in the middle to either compromise or peacefully agree to disagree.
We were both nerdy autistic weirdos with the same taste in music, same sense of humor, and enough ideologically in common to make peace. He got along well with my daughter and was quick to let me know that, if we ever got married, he'd consider her his kid as if she was his own.
I'm hyper-romantic. I see romance basically everywhere I look, and I fall in love hard and fast. He wasn't used to having a woman (my egg hadn't cracked yet, we'll get to that) who wasn't an absolute bitch be interested in him, so he fell harder than he ever had. We also both hated our situation at home, and I wouldn't pretend that wasn't a factor. We rushed the relationship and got married before we'd been together a year.
Everything changed for me when I realized I was queer.
I found the community I'd been denying for my whole life, and I learned a lot. He was an ally then. A flawed one, but he was willing to try. He was supportive of me when I came out, first as bisexual and then as nonbinary.
But everything changed for him when the wreck happened. He was driving with our mutual best friend in the front passenger seat when he lost control on black ice and slid into oncoming traffic. Our friend died at the scene, and Troy's injuries left him permanently disabled. He's since regained his independence, but he'll always struggle with his left arm.
We both took solace in our faith (I'd still consider myself a Christian, feel how you feel about that, I've heard it all) but he got lost in Christian Reddit, then Christian TikTok. Christian TikTok led to Evangelical TikTok, which led to transphobic, homophobic, MAGA, and zionist TikTok.
He ate that shit up. He fucking chugged that kool-aid. It gave him something besides himself to be angry at.
Grief opened my mind and closed his. It softened my heart and hardened his.
It just went downhill from there.
And now I can't live with this. I know he can't either, and the only reason he hasn't initiated a separation is because 1) there's no biblical grounds for divorce because I haven't cheated on him, and 2) he doesn't think a fat, autistic, disabled nerd in his 30s with a small dick and $30,000 in medical debt could ever find a godly wife. His words, not mine.
So if I want what's best for myself, my daughter, and yes, even for Troy, I need to be the one to leave.
So why haven't I yet?
First and foremost, money. We live in a society blah blah blah. Our society isn't friendly single mothers, queer people, or disabled people, and I'm about to be all three. I need to be 100% certain that I can support not only myself, but a high support needs autistic teen daughter who will likely never be able to live independently.
We currently only have one working vehicle, and aren't in a financial place to remedy that. I will need my own form of transportation if I'm going to be on my own.
All of my preparations (housing, transportation, moving logistics, etc) will have to be enacted quickly and perfectly. Surgical precision packing, moving, and stocking up on groceries so I don't have to leave the house for a while within 24 hours. Why? Because his family can't have any forewarning. I would not be safe. Currently, I'm not safe emotionally, but if I mess up even one step off the plan, if I'm not perfect in my exit strategy, I won't be safe physically, and neither will my daughter. I won't elaborate further on that.
Not only do I have to leave perfectly, but I have to be 150% positive months in advance that I can keep perfect. Because he has friends and family in places that could be dangerous for me, not the least of which is CPS. I fully expect to have them at my door by the end of the first month. I can't give them cause to take my daughter, even if it's the smallest, stupidest thing. Especially since they'll already have a small, stupid thing. Namely, my queerness and my disability.
Because I'm under no impression whatsoever that Troy won't out me to every single person who I can't safely be out to the instant he gets the chance. I will have no more help from (and possibly no contact with) my family. I will be completely alone. My support system will be gone forever. I have to be emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for that.
And I am none of those things right now.
And until I am, I have to do whatever I can to keep myself safe enough to bide my time for the right opportunity.
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aroaceconfessions · 1 year
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so im quite young but I think I'm aroace. I know I'm romance favorable definitely and sex-averse. things I know:
-I'm cupioromantic even if I don't use microlabels and won't say I'm cupio the majority of the time, I am
-I'd always be like "augh were too young to be having sex/dating/whatever" and soon that's not going to apply as much but it's still going to be my thought
-I think I've had 1-2 long term crushes. this makes me hesitant to ID as aro because I'm p sure I've HAD romantic attraction, just ya know twice in my entire life (for one of them my feelings were extremely strong, for like 6 months, and I wanted a relationship but every time I pictured us doing something sensual it was extremely weird. for the second sensual stuff came easy, I even dreamed about kissing them once lmao. but it was only like 2 weeks. a potential third was like 3 days, and idk if I wanted to date them but I also dreamed about us kissing?? I have no idea what that was) but basically I feel like I'd be like not really aro because I've felt a sparing amount of romo attraction
-on this note, I have dreamed about being in a romantic relationship with a LOT of people and I've crushed on 1-2
-aesthetic attraction is strong strong for me, where I mistook it for crushes often.
-I'd do the thing where I'd make up crushes to fit in and make my life feel more exciting because what could be more exciting than romance?? (now I could say cuddling with my cat or perhaps strawberry syrup on pancakes but amatonormativity was a biotch to my little self)
-I thought I was mspec for the longest time, not based off experiences but just like "would i be okay doing xyz with this gender?" and the answer was almost always yes but I'm a physically affectionate person and now the idea of like "let's kiss but platonically" is so appealing
-I always have kind of craved being in love or having someone crush on me, choose me. I don't think this was romantic attraction though- especially since I've struggled with being left out and being "no one's favorite" in friendships a metric crap ton. I was attracted to the idea of being wanted.
-one time my bsf (we were YOUNG young dear god why was i even wise to all this stuff at the time) admitted she had a huge crush on me like 9/10 intensity and I was flattered as fork but I wasn't romantically attracted to her. I said me too, 6/10 on feelings. I never had a crush on her but I would've been a-okay being in a relationship with her. and we "dated" and when she "broke up" with me it hurt but not in the way that "I love you so how could you" just that I felt this meant I'm no longer someone's top person.
-I would LOVE a qpr where we do traditionally romantic stuff^^ + calling someone my bf/gf?? wow /pos
-I think I'm experiencing aro grief and it's not the vibe
-relating to that one^^ I was afraid to ID as aro rather than greyro because I was afraid it was permanently cutting myself off from romance. I think I still subconsciously have that fear.
-the fact that I'm ace was never important to me like "duh I'm ace" so I don't feel the need to mention it ig?? it's just not important to me, is what it is. aromanticism takes center stage for me so I think I wouldn't use the SAM and just say I'm aro... but I feel like IDKKK it's weird okay feelings ufffff but if I identified as greyro I'd want to say greyroace I guess. this could change with time because I'm not at the age yet where I'm expected to be having sex.
WOW this was long, thanks for reading. I just needed to let all my thoughts and feelings out about this. I am still confused and conflicted but it's cool
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mmvalentine · 2 years
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Lover Like Me pt 14 (epilogue) | Feysand
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13
The next year blurs by and I swear I couldn’t even tell you what we filled it with. We just hazed through, the way that you get to the end of summer vacation drunk on long days and the absence of school bells and wonder where the time went.
I can tell you that we moved house, not immediately but eventually, and not very far. Rhys wanted to stay close to the garage, after all. In fact, none of us live in the Velaris blocks anymore, and no, Rhys didn’t buy a house for each of them. His father was wealthy but not that wealthy. He did buy the auto shop though, and start paying an actual living wage once he fired the old manager, and wouldn’t you know it, the guys all started renting decent places once they could afford it.
Mor moved closer to the beach and met a girl at one of Helion’s extravagant parties. Azriel’s got a slick city apartment with a view, and Cassian’s shifted toward the mountains and living his best lumberjack life. They all commute but no one’s complaining.
I often think back on the time we all lived together with great fondness, but I know for the others, painful memories still live there, and we’ve never been back. I don’t mind at all, because I’m home wherever Rhys is.
And Rhys is here, in a house of our very own, and he’s magnificent.
Out from the shadows of his violent father’s past and his dead mother’s house, Rhys is a force to be reckoned with. Business is booming, we go on trips most weekends, and I’ve never heard him laugh so loud. And coming home to him every day is a luxury that simultaneously feels like I’ve been doing it forever, and like I’ll never get used to the thrill of it.
It’s not a giant house, but there’s the loveliest rose and lilac garden out the front, and French doors on the second floor to the balcony that Rhys built. We have a bedroom with a skylight, which he cleans every weekend because he loves to look at the stars. It has a study we converted into an art studio for me, with shelves all along the wall to hold all my supplies. There’s a spare bedroom that is always made up- it was important to both of us our friends could stay with us whenever they wanted or needed to. And it has a garage where Rhys keeps his bike and also a beautiful vintage Bentley that he’s restoring in his spare time.
Rhys runs the shop better than Amarantha ever did, and now that she’s gone the guys actually like going to work. I visit sometimes, bring by boxes of pizza when they work late not because they have to but because they’re enjoying each other’s company. Pepperoni for Azriel, cheese for mor, mushroom for Rhys, and four of whatever there’s four of for Cassian. They wipe black grease off their hands and laugh with their mouths full, and now movie nights happen less frequently but we put a projector in the garage and every month or so we watch on a wall-sized screen.
Sometimes it’s just Rhys who’s stayed back, slumped in the office over the books that were never his favourite part of the job. On those days I feed him Irish tea and chocolate biscuits, and when his blood sugars are revived, we make love on the desk, where I have a perfect view of a certain painting that hangs on the wall and remains my most abstract piece to date.  
As for me, my rent situation may be taken care of, but I will never not have my own bank account again. I’ve earned myself a permanent spot in Tarquin’s gallery by maintaining the highest selling rate of any of his resident artists. It’s not quite enough that I’ve quit my job at the art store, but I’m getting closer. Hey, maybe one day I’ll outgrow Tarquin and open a gallery of my own.
I’m telling you, my life is perfect.
Not because we never fight- amongst the brilliant days there are sad ones, when Rhys is full of trauma and fury and grief, and just because most of the time I know how to bring him back doesn’t mean it always works, or that I always have the energy to do it, or that he always wants me to.
But because he chooses me every damn day, even when I have nightmares about blonde haired men and I kick him in my sleep, even when I have unreasonable expectations that he will read my mind and then get upset that he hasn’t correctly anticipated my needs, and even when he works late and I’ve stayed up painting and we’re both cranky and snappy and rude.
And because I choose him back, just as many times.
And that- I wouldn’t trade that for the world, not for a thousand days of serenity, not for a million dry-eyed nights.
Still, it’s not the fights and the slow, painful healing that I want to replay over and over.
It’s days like today.
When I wake slow in the early morning light with Rhys’s lips on my ankle.
The alarm is set for seven, which is when we wanted to get up and get on the road. Our bags are packed and Rhys’s motorcycle is clean and full of fuel, and there are hours of mountain trails waiting for us to lose ourselves in their alpine embrace.
Yet here is Rhys with a kiss that moves slowly up the side of my calf.
And he’s usually such a stickler for a schedule.
I moan softly without opening my eyes. It’s warm and soft in our bed, and I’ve never been one to rise easy from slumber. Rhys’s tongue hits the corner of my knee, his teeth nip at the inside of my thigh, while the rough of his hands trace the journey his lips have just made. I twitch a little when his mouth lands at the join of my leg and my hip, although my limbs are still so heavy. Then the heat of his breath hits my underwear as he kisses the fabric between my legs, and my back arches up to his touch as if lifted by this string of static that starts in my stomach and ends in the apex of my thighs.
“Good morning, lover,” Rhys whispers, and then his mouth is otherwise occupied.
He pushes my underwear to the side and then it’s the flat of his tongue from pussy to clit. I gasp at the first touch, and then my panties are slid off my legs and I’m kissed on the sharp parts of my hips and the soft parts of my inner thighs and over my bare pussy again. I’m only half-way awake but I’m drowning in something sweeter than sleep as he laps me up and eats me alive. The minutes slide by but Rhys has all the time in the world as he flicks his tongue against me over and over again, winding me slowly round and round his little finger like a spool of thread. It’s not difficult; I’m always his.
His hands slide flat from my hips to my belly to my breasts, and all the while his lips are loving me. His mouth moves slow and dirty and sure. I’m rocking myself onto his tongue, the pleasure is a fog around me, and when he gets my nipples between his fingers, I tip my head back and moan just like he likes.
I could have happily passed the day like this, but my waking dream is cut through my the too-bright ring of my phone alarm.
At first, we ignore it, but of course the stubborn thing rings on and on. I groan in protest when Rhys gets up, but then the silence is restored and Rhys comes back to me and is settling his body over mine. His fingers lace through my fingers, and my hands are swept up and pinned above my head. He’s heavy and hard and as he rolls his hips into me, I’m mollified.
“Sleep well, honey?” Rhys’s voice is husky and low, and I don’t know how he expects me to answer when he’s grinding into me as he speaks. My eyes roll back and my hips lift to meet his, and the dark chuckle that issues from above me is as smug as a Cheshire cat. He kisses me then, sweeping his tongue deep into my mouth to make sure that I can taste myself on him like when he fucks me but finishes in my throat. The memory evoked is so filthy I’m turned on even more, and I start moving up against him looking for friction between my legs.
Rhys obliges me, driving his hips forward and kissing me deeper. I’m fairly sure I could come just from dry-humping this man, but he’s not going to let that happen. I’m rubbing up against his erection and building into a little rhythm that’s getting me where I want to go, and then just when I get to that floating place Rhys shoves his waistband down and pushes inside me.
I’m stretched out faster than expected and Rhys is sliding into me and by the time the tightness eases I’m coming on his cock.
It’s that easy.
And if there’s one enduring thing about us, about our relationship, it’s that it’s easy. It’s so easy and even when it’s difficult and when it sucks it’s easy and that’s why I love him. Or maybe because I love him. I love him so fucking much and I wouldn’t believe that someone so good would love me back except that he tells me all the fucking time and my head has gotten so big with it I wonder how I get in the front door sometimes.
And so here I am, early in the morning with no thoughts in my head and I’m coming hard while Rhys is all the way inside me and then when I’m back in control of my body I fuck him back until he comes, too.
On Sunday night, we’ll get back from our trip and we’ll unpack.
We’ll carry our bags in on tired legs and when I sit down and start unlacing my boots Rhys will look distracted. He’ll start picking through our belongings and I’ll ask him what he’s looking for.
“I’m just looking for… I could have sworn…”
“What, Rhys?” I’ll ask.
“It’s just, it was right here, can you look in your bag?”
“Look for what?” I’ll ask again, even as I start rifling through my backpack, searching for something I don’t know the name of.
“It’s so small, it could have fallen out.”
“Fuck’s sake Rhys, what am I looking for?”
“It’s the black box, you know the one.”
I don’t know the one, and I’ll get annoyed as Rhys continues to be vague while he shoves his hands in the pockets of our discarded leather jackets.
“Would you just look?” Rhys will say, and I’ll start getting mad that he’s sounding frustrated with me when he’s not communicating properly, so when my fingers close around a foreign object I’ll shake it at him.
“Here, is this what you’re looking for?”
“I don’t know, open it.”
I’ll roll my eyes and snap open the little velvet case, and my anger will instantly evaporate because inside will be the most perfect sapphire and diamond ring I’ve ever seen. I’ll be in shock, I’ll look up at Rhys but he’ll be down on one knee with his violet eyes so bright I can hardly stand it.
“Feyre,” he’ll say, and then he’ll swallow because he’s getting choked up. “Feyre from the moment I met you…”
“Yes,” I’ll breathe, and he’ll laugh.
“Feyre, I never thought-”
“Yes,” I’ll interrupt again.
“I didn’t think someone like me-”
“YES,” I’ll yell, and I’ll fall to the floor before him and try to kiss his stupidly gorgeous face, but he won’t let me until he can at least get the question out.
‘Feyrewillyoumarryme?!” he’ll shout, and then he’ll fall backward because I’ve flung myself at him and I’ve covering him with kisses and ‘yes’s.
And then the studio door will burst open and Mor, Cassian and Azriel will be exploding out from their hiding place and dog-piling on to us, and I’ll barely be able to breathe from laughing and crying and being crushed by these goobers, whom I love so very much.
But that will be on Sunday.
Today, we are naked in bed.
And I hope that this is the way he remembers me always, when we’re old and wrinkled and grey. I hope he remembers buckling a helmet under my chin before we get on his motorcycle, I hope he remembers my arms around his waist as we ride. I hope he remembers living in this house, now, with me, before dogs and kids and mess and whatever else he wants in our future. But most of all I hope that he remembers being this deep inside of me while we move, keeping pace with our matching heart beats, with nothing but time and thoughts of being loved, and being a lover.
***
The end, at long last.
My loves. Thank you for being with me in this story, it is the longest one I've written by far (like more than triple the length of The Bargain) and it has been such a joy to hang out with you guys along the way. I really appreciate everyone who read and shared and reblogged!! I will miss you, please dont be strangers ❤️❤️❤️
MASTERLIST
TAGLIST: @ghostlyrose2 @highladysith @stardelia @feysand-loml @tillyrubes10 @ratabrasileira @live-the-fangirl-life @maybekindasortaace @annejulianneh111 @thebonecarver @rowaelinismyotp @loosingdreams @pitrsattabhaadmeinjao @achernarlight @swankii-art-teacher @sjmships @courtofjurdan @teddytdr @positivewitch @thalia-2-rose @darling-archeron @rapunzel1523 @fairchildjace @hopefulacademia @story-scribbler @fandomstalker27 @realbookloverproblems @dealfea @s-tormwitch @cretaceous-therapod @whenyadoesntcutit @scatterbrainedgirl @whoever-you-choose-to-love @endlessdaydream @elentiya-whitethorn @rarephloxes @timesconvert @mis-lil-red @alerialumina @lokisllama
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suolainensilakka · 4 months
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favorite kingdom hearts characters. for science
WELL, gently taps the current pinned post of this blog, that one's a freebie ^__^
Anyway. BOY ranking them all is really hard bc so many characters in the series have permanently set up camp in my head by now and arent particularly inclined to leave any time soon, but if I had to list off just a couple examples that have caused me the most brain damage so far, itd be:
- Terra, hands down my number 1 most specialest guy in the whole world. Instantly became enamored with him from the moment I first set eyes on him and then proceeded to have all of my ribs carefully and meticulously pulled out of my chest one by one throughout the entirety of bbs and the entire rest of the series after that. Its so dire man I literally cannot look at any images of him now without physically having to hold myself back from making a long strangled whine Out Loud With My Mouth every time
- the entire Wayfinder Trio as a collective unit + Vanitas also tbh. Terra's obviously my Primary Favorite but the wayfinders as a whole also make my heart hurt so fucking bad man. My partner and I choose to interpret them all as siblings bc it leads to some exceptionally delicious and painful rs dynamics to explore imo and something abt it just makes The Miseries hit that much harder in ways that have literally had me writhing on the couch with a thousand yard stare rapidly cycling through the five stages of grief on loop. I'm also counting Vanitas as part of the unit bc he's just so closely tied to Ven in my brain that separating them (lol.) feels Wrong (lmao.), and. God. Vanitas might just be one of THE most tragic characters in literally any media I've experienced and I say this without a single hint of irony. The current total wordcount of the rps that I've written abt the wayfinders with my partner so far has probably shot past 50k by now. Why am I hurds
- Kairi. I was originally mostly ambivalent/neutrally intrigued abt her but kept getting increasingly more pissed abt her treatment and constant sidelining by the writing to the point where I got to kh3/mom and something in me snapped entirely, and from that moment onwards I decided to love her entirely out of spite. She instantly shot up to become one of my favorites after that and if I think abt her meta and story potential for longer than five minutes at a time I start frothing at the mouth
- Sora, naturally. I have so so so so many thoughts on this little darling boy that could easily double the wordcount of this ask just by themselves but the most important thing to mention here in lieu of that, for now, is that he's is the One (1) and ONLY child ive ever seen, whether real or fictional, that has made me experience emotions anywhere Close to resembling baby fever. I want to dribble him like a basketball but also gently pinch his cheek affectionately and also spoil him silly like a grandma seeing her beloved grandson again for the first time in months
- Xigbar. This fucko is the one I'm the most mad about ending up liking as much as I do, not because hes a bad character, absolutely far from it I fucking ADORE this terrible bodyhopping little cunt, but because it happened by complete accident after I realized he shares a lot of (surface) similarities with my favorite blorbo from another entirely unrelated franchise and I then got mad about realizing I have a very easily clockable Type (which I've affectionately dubbed the Guys That Suck category. I have more too obv but its the funniest one I have). He's also infuriatingly fun to write. Get me OUT of here
- Xemnas, Terranort and Ansem SoD. Everyone in the Nort Collective counts tbh but those three are the ones I lose sleep over the most, particularly the first two; Xemnas bc he makes me feel an unfathomably deep and haunting sense of grief (brought on by me finishing bbs and then realizing days later the exact way his creation connects to Terra's story and hearing the sound of fucking glass shattering at the back of my head instantly), and Terranort bc I'm fucking terrified of him and he also makes me want to eat gravel whenever I think abt him in context with him interacting with the rest of the wayfinders. He's also really fun to write and this fact Upsets Me. Ansem's listed bc you can never go wrong with the ol reliable mad scientist. The rest of the norts I would probably also be a lot more insane over once I actually get off my damn ass and start picking through the mobile games but that's an endeavor for Future Salty (i am very excited and terrified)
- the Lingering Will. I'm counting it as a separate entity from Terra and the rest of the Terra Collective on a technicality bc (LOUD TELEVISION STATIC AS I GESTURE FRANTICALLY AND FURIOUSLY @ THE JUMBLED BALL OF YARN LABELED "my thoughts on the physical and psychological effects of being a guy who got his soul and entire being shattered into like five million distinct pieces for over 10 Whole Entire Years" THAT I HAVE NOT EXPLAINED THE ENTIRETY OF TO A SINGLE OTHER SOUL ON EARTH) but. Eah. This fucking haunted hunk of metal has been eating holes through my brain tissue ever since I first saw the kh2 secret superboss and I'm distraught over it every single day of my life. This thing is like a weird bug to me. Do you understand. (tearign up) Do you get me. Do I have to pull out the Lingering Will/The Hollow Knight venn diagram
And as for the other fuckos haunting my cranium on the daily I can only mention a couple other honorary picks that honestly could also very well have made it to the main list if not for the fact that this post is already long enough as it is, and these following characters are therefore mostly delegated to Sleeper Agent Blorbos who I don't think about QUITE as often as the ones listed above but whenever I Do I get just as distraught and ailed over them. Anyway, shoutout to the entire Seasalt Trio, Demyx, Riku, Repliku, Naminé and Saïx and probably many others I'm forgetting rn bc it is currently 2 am and I'm running on approximately 5-6 hours of sleep and a prayer 👍 god bless and amen
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unloneliest · 7 months
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For the tmg album asks: The Life of the World To Come?
thank you so, so much for this ask - the life of the world to come was my first mountain goats album and remains the most important to me to this day <3
the best song on the album: matthew 25:21 speaks to grief in a way that is genuinely incomparable in my experience. i think it'd be a crime to suggest any other song off this album for best song.
my favorite song on the album: extremely difficult to answer. genesis 3:23 like. changed my life. i'd heard a few tmg songs before my best friend played me genesis 3:23 but wasn't Into The Goats. and since then i've been like. guy who almost exclusively listens to the mountain goats. it also had an insane impact on my original story. but if we're permitting bonus tracks too, the itunes bonus track, enoch 18:14, is like. one of the best songs in tmg's discography to me and i love it in a place beyond words.
youtube
my least favorite song on the album: my least favorite song on this album is ezekiel 7 and the permanent efficacy of grace, but like. it's still a song with complex layers of meaning and personal emotional connection for me, i very much so love and have cried to this song, the others just all outrank it.
the most overrated song on the album: psalms 40:2. people aren't wrong to love it as much as they do, but it's the song i see recognized the most off of this album and it's far from the best song on the album as a whole! no hate to psalms 40:2, just a wish that the rest of the album got More recognition.
most underrated: 1 samuel 15:23? i don't actually know the definitive lowest rated song on this album, but i also don't think i've ever seen any love for this track. it's not My Favorite of all the songs on this album? it's not top 3 for me? but it is like really important to me. it stands at the threshold to this album and stands by your side as you enter the emotional space the album occupies. it's a guardian of sorts to me, and i treasure it, and it brings me to some crystal clear memories of a beloved friend's home. the only other transitional guardian like it i can name in the discography is going to chino, which i love just as earnestly.
the banger of all bangers: i'd be lying if i didn't say psalms 40:2, straight up. to avoid repeat answers though i'm gonna shout out romans 10:9 which was my alarm clock when i worked at an airport starbucks for the 3:30 am shift and was getting at most 3 hours of sleep at a time but frequently less.
rate from 0-10: ten. i love you the life of the world to come.
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Text
File 22_Subject: My Condolences
Declassified HR Files Series Masterlist - a collaboration between @driedgreentomatoes and @just-here-for-the-moment
Summary: The Eddy is down Warnings: Partying too hard could cause early retirement --- From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: January 24, 2013 11:02 AM Subject: My Condolences
Richard Edward Van Horn (April 1, 1988-January 22, 2013)
Richard Edward Van Horn - known as “Dickie” to his friends and family - loved working out, swimming in Barton Springs, and volunteering at animal shelters. Dickie was pursuing a career in liquor production when he was called home to heaven far too early. The sudden accident that took his life at the Statesman Whiskey Distillery in Kentucky reminds all of us to treasure our loved ones and to follow safety protocols while working with vats of lethal acid. While his Earthly remains could not be recovered, we know that his spirit is at rest. Private services will be held later this week.
To: All Staff, Statesman HQ
It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of our own Agent Vodka, nicknamed “Deep Eddy” by some of you. Vodka was enthusiastic and eager to learn, and was able to contribute to several important missions while he was with us. 
Unfortunately - and based on the disgraceful manner in which he comported himself during his final, fatal mission - Statesman will retire the agent code name “Vodka” permanently. 
Fortunately we were able to keep the actual details of his passing out of the newspapers, although I am heartbroken that we could not return his body to his family, since toxicology testing would have revealed things that Statesman would rather keep unknown.
If anyone needs grief counseling during this time, I encourage you to take advantage of our Employee Assistance Program. You’re also welcome to come chat with me anytime.
//Champ -------------------- From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: January 24, 2013 11:15 AM Re: Agent Vodka’s passing
Champ, 
Mission report is attached. I’m taking a week off.
JACK
Attachment: MR_2013-Jan-24_Project Soaring Eagle.pdf -------------------- From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: January 23, 2013 11:19 AM Re: Agent Vodka’s passing
Jack, 
I’m awful sorry, I know you liked the kid. Let me know if you need anything. 
//Champ --------------------
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This Is My Eden (2094 words) by likethenight Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fisherman's Friends, Fisherman's Friends: One and All Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jim Trevellion & Morgan Jenkins, Jim Trevellion/Morgan Jenkins, (implied) Characters: Jim Trevellion, Morgan Jenkins Additional Tags: Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, (sort of), Apologies, Grief/Mourning, Coming Out, (there's a lot of 'sort of' in this fic), Isolation, Making Friends, Making Up Series: Part 2 of Writers' Pride Month Bingo 2023 Summary: Once Maggie and Tamsyn are safe, Jim and Morgan have an important conversation.
It is my absolute honour to post the first fic in this fandom! :D I watched both films back to back the other week, and the thing that struck me most about One and All was the tension between Jim and Morgan; inveterate slasher that I am, I couldn't help myself (it probably helped that I have a deep and abiding soft spot for Richard Harrington and his lovely Welsh accent, and James Purefoy made a permanent impression in A Knight's Tale XD ). And much as I liked Aubrey, the relationship between her and Jim felt rather forced, as though now that Danny and Alwyn are resolved, the film-makers felt that someone needed to have a romantic entanglement and it was going to have to be Jim. So here, Aubrey and Jim have struck up a friendship, and she's helped him sort his head out, but things have gone no further.
Written for @writersmonth's Writers' Pride Month Bingo 2023, prompt 'late coming out'. It's not a public coming out, but a private conversation in which Morgan has something to share, and Jim has a realisation about himself, but I'm rather hoping it counts.
Title is from Cornwall My Home, sung by the cast after Maggie and Tamsyn's rescue.
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activemile69 · 2 years
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Jim Morrison, Of The Doors, Strange And Controversial Death
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slipper007 · 3 years
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I can't imagine the pain.
Word Count: 3,262
TW: child loss, grief and grieving, discussion of death. See AO3 for complete tags.
Special thanks to @angelfishofthelord and @shirtlesscastiel who both asked for a part 2, as well as @featherasscas , who's reblogged part 1 more times than I can count
Companion to this, + also on AO3. [Masterpost]
Castiel stayed on the ground, broken, for what felt like hours, lacking the strength to look away from the devastation of his grief.
He stayed there so long that the Winchesters gave up hope. They mumbled something about Chuck and the end of all things, of the ghosts that Cas’ total grief had obliterated and how they might not have been all that was released. Castiel didn’t care. He didn’t have it in him to, and maybe the Winchesters saw that. Dean tried to touch his shoulder, maybe even offer an apology, but Castiel shot him a look that ended the conversation they had been dancing around for years. They left him in that graveyard with what was left of his son.
He almost prayed, but what could an angel do to reverse God’s will? No, he needed to do something else. He was desperate enough to try anything he thought would work.
Bargaining. Maybe he could strike up another deal. Whatever the price was, he would pay it happily. He would give his life in a heartbeat, just like before, if it would bring Jack back.
He reached out to Death directly.
He felt Billie’s presence before he saw them and slowly turned as they offered a laid back “Hey.”
“Bring him back.”
“Can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both,” Billie replied. They raised a brow as Castiel drew his blade. “Killing me again? That seems a little redundant.”
“If you won’t bring him back then maybe your replacement will.”
“Everything has its time, Castiel and everything dies.”
“And it wasn’t his time! His story isn’t done!”
“God said otherwise.”
“You’re going to let God do your job? Kill Jack and wreck the order?”
“God isn’t wrecking anything. Every story has different endings. This was one.”
“Then change it.”
“It’s already happened. It can’t be undone.” Billie’s voice was gentler than Castiel expected when they continued. “It’s not fair, or kind, or right, but it’s life. You need to make your peace with that.”
“No.” Billie’s brows drew together and if Castiel didn’t know better, he would think that it was from pity. Even as he spoke, he felt the tip of his angel blade drop. “I can’t accept this, he can’t be...”
“He is. And nothing you do will change that, regardless of what your time with the Winchesters has taught you.”
Castiel felt the lurching ill sensation rise up again.
“What if I go to the Empty directly?”
“Then you die. It keeps both you and Jack. But you know how the Empty works.”
“I still won’t get to see him...say anything...”
Billie touched his shoulder, a rare gesture of remorse from Death incarcerate. “He’s gone, Castiel, but he can live on in you.”
Castiel didn’t answer, and Death left him to grieve.
Even as time ticked by, Castiel was at a loss for what to do. In the dust, he drew the Enochian sigil to create a portal to Heaven, paid it enough attention that for a moment he could pretend Jack was sitting in the truck playing on his phone.
Castiel almost called his brothers and sisters down to open the portal, to take both Jack and him from the Earth, to let them rest for the first time in years. He wanted Jack to know the peace that used to exist in Heaven, the safety of the place he had once called home. More than that, he wanted to be at peace, to quell the anguish and anger writhing in his chest. It would be easier to go back to proper angelhood, forget what it was to feel.
Emotions had never brought him anything but trouble. They’d lost him his family, his home, his friends, his life…
Still, his tongue wouldn’t speak the words to bring his siblings down. He remembered how they’d treated Jack, and him. The angels had manipulated Jack just as the Winchesters had, and they would do so again if given the chance.
Even dead, Jack could still be used as a weapon. His body harbored the remains of not only nephil grace, but also that of the archangel Michael. Those were both cosmic; they would endure longer than his body.
As much as it sickened him, Castiel realized a hard truth.
Not only was Jack unable to come back, but it wasn’t enough to simply lay him to rest. His body needed to be destroyed so completely that he could never be manipulated again.
He only knew one person he could even start to trust with something like that.
“Hello, tweetie pie,” Rowena answered. “Is this a social call?”
“No, I need your help.”
“Now as much as I’d like to, I’m busy. Tell the Winchesters—”
“This isn’t for them,” he said, words coming out harsher than intended. He took a breath and added a gentler, “Please, this is important.”
“More important than—”
“Yes. Can you meet me at...” Castiel faltered. The Bunker wasn’t an option, and he certainly wasn’t going to stay where he was, surrounded by death, destruction, and his son’s wings scorched into the earth. “Uh…”
“I’ll need some time to tie things up in Nevada. Could you perhaps meet me halfway?
“Yes.” Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. “In Colorado? Grand Junction?”
“Alright,” Rowena agreed. “Now tell me what it is you need so I can prepare.”
“I need you to help me burn a body.” He risked a glance to Jack, feeling bile rise up. “So completely that he can’t come back.”
“Dearie—”
“I can’t talk more; I’ll see you tomorrow,” Castiel blurted, hanging up before what little control he had over his emotions could slip.
The drive was even harder than watching him die.
He talked and played music, anything to avoid the screaming silence, the way Jack was growing cold and stiff beside him. It didn’t work. His mind still repeated the horrified knowledge of “this was your child,” a broken record he feared would never stop.
Neither of them would recover from this.
He arrived after Rowena and nearly cried as she offered him a smile in her prim and proper way and asked if Jack would be joining them or staying in the car.
He didn’t know what gave it away. The unnatural stillness and silence of the car, one that he’d grappled with for hundreds of miles, perhaps. Maybe it was a witch’s intuition, since she’d seen enough over the last several hundred years. Maybe it was because he couldn’t answer her, or even look her in the eyes.
“Oh,” was all she said before embracing him. He couldn’t return it. He couldn’t tear his mind from the hug he had given Jack in the graveyard, how he hadn’t hugged back, how he’d kneeled rather than fight, and how he’d died even when Dean couldn’t go through with it. How it felt to hold Jack, limp and soundless in his arms.
The dam broke, and all that pain and grief and anger nearly brought him to his knees.
Rowena saw it: how broken he was, how broken he’d always been. He didn’t know who he was anymore if he wasn’t a father or an angel, yet he was neither anymore. What was he supposed to do now?
Maybe she understood that. She had suffered the loss of a loved one, too. She knew what it was to watch the world die around her, to lose herself for a time.
When Castiel was able to collect himself, pull the broken shards of his being back together, Rowena asked something that almost tore him apart again.
“Dearie, are you sure you want to…”
“I can’t bring him back. I talked to Death, and I can’t bring him back,” Castiel said softly. “I can’t have someone take advantage of what’s… left.”
“But something so permanent…”
“I would do it myself,” he offered, “but I seem to have fallen.”
Rowena gave him a strange look, the likes of which he hadn’t received in years, so he explained.
“I felt it. Something in me breaking. The emotion growing stronger. I don’t know how to describe it… It felt like when the angels fell. The same kind of desperation.”
“My dear, you’re still an angel. You still have your powers.” She looked him up and down. “Maybe you’re not as powerful as you once were, and you’re a smidge weaker than last we saw each other, but you’re far from powerless.”
Castiel looked away, lost.
“Maybe you can’t do it because you don’t want to,” she offered gently.
“What I want is for him to come back. But he needs to be….” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.
Rowena nodded, understanding.
They found somewhere private, somewhere quiet outside the city. The trees stood tall and proud and vibrantly alive. A felled one became the pyre.
Castiel placed Jack on it, still wrapped in the trenchcoat.
The flames that swallowed him were brilliantly red, orange, and gold like the ochre rocks on the horizon.
It took hours, even with the help of magic. Castiel stood by Jack’s side for all of it, even long after the embers had cooled and all that was left was a small pile of ash and smudges of soot. Rowena collected it up in a jar as the sun rose, and Castiel took it in his hands.
It never should have ended like this.
The day carried on as if Castiel’s world hadn’t ended hours ago. He was grateful to Rowena for what she had done, but even sitting in her kitchen he was too lost in grief to thank her.
Standing by a whistling teapot, she finally asked, “Would you like to talk about the wee boy?”
“It hurts too much.” Castiel bit into his lip, hard. What did it say about him, that he could hardly even say Jack’s name? Shame bubbled up, hatred of himself swift to follow.
“It hurts because of how much you loved him.”
“I still love him.”
“Yes.”
The pair fell silent for a long while and Rowena set a cup of hot tea in front of Cas before settling into her own seat.
“Rowena…”
“Yes, tweetie pie?”
“When did losing Oscar stop hurting?”
Rowena bowed her head, and Castiel knew the answer.
“It didn’t,” she finally said. “Just as losing Fergus hasn’t stopped hurting.”
Castiel’s instinct was right. This was something he would never recover from, would he?
“It’s a different kind of hurt, with time,” Rowena offered. “It stops being so keen. You survive and you try to carry on without them, because that’s what they would have wanted.” She stared deep into her tea. “You learn to talk about them, and to them, even though they’re gone.”
Castiel nodded and held his tea closer. He couldn’t see that happening, not with how much it hurt, but she was right: he would survive. With Jack gone, his deal would never come due. Happiness wouldn’t kill him because he would never feel it again.
Rowena offered him a place to stay for a few weeks, but Castiel declined. He couldn’t stay there, not where the earth was scorched and the air still smelled faintly of smoke. Instead, Castiel drove for hours, not paying much attention to where he was going until he found himself parked outside of the Bunker.
It wasn’t where he wanted to be, not by a longshot, but he had something he needed to do. The door creaked as loudly as it always had, and Castiel was halfway across the library before a voice called out to him.
“Cas.”
Dean.
“I’m here for his things. Then I’ll be on my way.”
“Cas, hey. Stop for a moment, would you?”
Castiel did.
“Look, alright.” Dean walked over until they could look each other in the eye. “I’m not proud of how everything went down. And I’ve given what you said some thought. You’re right. It is our fault, but it’s Chuck’s, too, man. You gotta see that.”
“What I see is that you’re finding any excuse you can to get the blame off yourself.”
Dean’s eyes darkened.
“Chuck has been toying with us—”
“No, you made the decision to kill him, just as I made the decision not to. You told me to get onboard or walk away, and I left you and Chuck both of my own choice. Because you taught me that people and families and love are worth fighting for, and I was going to fight for him!” Castiel tried to keep the waver out of his voice as tears brimmed in his eyes. “Chuck couldn’t have changed that even if he’d tried.”
“Maybe he didn’t want to, huh? You think of that? Maybe he wants us divided.”
“You should have thought about that before you tried to execute him in front of me.”
“Cas—”
“You had a choice and you made the wrong one.”
Castiel left him there in the library and locked himself in Jack’s room. Almost instantly, it proved to be too much, and he slumped down against the door, sobbing.
The room was holding its breath, waiting for Jack to come home. A half-read book sat on the desk, a few stray papers underneath. A pile of clothes waited patiently to be returned to a drawer. The nightstand was bare save for a pencil. One good deed….
Castiel packed it all away. He hated himself for destroying the illusion, for leaving the room as empty as his chest felt, but what he was waiting for would never happen. Jack would never walk through that door again. The decoder ring in the drawer would never be used. Everything had fallen into ruin.
He managed to get the first box into his truck with no issues, no run-ins or confrontations. The second box was smaller, and he rested it on a hip as he closed the bedroom door for the last time.
This time, he wasn’t so lucky. Dean watched him cross the room and quietly said, “You’re not the only one grieving him.”
“It’s not the same, Dean. You never felt his soul. You never took the time to know him: you spent your time trying to make up for wanting him dead. Well, you got what you wanted.”
Dean flinched at that, but Castiel didn’t care. His son was nothing but ash and a box and a half of belongings. Anger flared again.
“You think angels can’t feel.” He laughed bitterly. “Even though I’ve proven that wrong. Did you think killing him wouldn’t kill me, too? As if I haven’t given more for him than you could possibly imagine. As much as you’ve given for Sam. My life. My happiness… I signed away my future in a heartbeat so that he could come back and I would do it again. I tried to do it again.”
If only it would have worked.
“Wait, what?”
“I made a deal to save him. When I’m happy, the Empty will take me forever.”
Dean gaped at him in horror.
“Cas, what’ve you done?”
“What I had to. What any father would do. Don’t give me that look. You’ve done worse for Sam.”
“And it’s always come back to bite me in the ass.”
“Well, I haven’t been happy in years, so don’t worry about the deal.”
“You shouldn’t have made it in the first place.”
“Oh, so now only you get to make deals to save the people you love? Only you get to cheat death time and time again while the rest of us suffer?” Castiel looked at him incredulously, anger seeping through him. “Do you know how many brothers I’ve lost? Sisters? Friends? Now Jack. Why can’t I save them? Why should they stay dead when you and your brother have been raised so many times?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. We would have figured it out without making the deal!”
“We didn’t have the time! If I hadn’t made the deal I would have lost him forever, right then and there. I couldn’t stand by and watch him die!”
It would have killed him. And it had.
“We would have figured it out,” Dean maintained. “Like we always do!”
Castiel shook his head. “Then you figure it out. If you bring him back, I’ll be back, but until then…” Castiel looked around the wide expanse of the Bunker with a strange longing. This had never been home, but it could have been, just as his friendship with the Winchesters could have been more. He was leaving behind an almost.
“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”
“Cas, wait.”
As angry and tired as he was—as they both were—Castiel wanted to. A decade of comradeship, of camaraderie and pining, did that, made him reluctant to leave. Then he remembered standing between Dean and Jack, realizing that if that gun went off, he’d lose them both. He knew now that he’d lost them both long before that.
“Goodbye, Dean.”
It was years before they saw each other again.
It took longer than Castiel could ever admit to find peace.
He still ached for Jack to come back, felt the pain in every drawn breath, but Rowena was right. Billie was right. The anger lessened and the pain dulled. He missed his son but Jack would have wanted him to try to move on. He would have wanted Cas to be happy, despite the deal still hanging over his head even if Castiel couldn’t see it ever coming to fruition now. He owed it to Jack to try to be happy.
And he would. He had to. No matter how much it hurt, even if he still wanted nothing more than to bring him back or follow him in death. Jack survived through him, in his memories and his love. He couldn’t let what was left of his son go like that.
He’d moved to Washington, made a home of where Jack had been born and Kelly had died. Where he had burned. It was a little too empty, full of broken promises and loss and regret, as if it, too, struggled to let go. One day it would. Another family would come and clean it out, fill this home with love as it always should have been. Children would run out to the sand, oblivious of the ash mixed in, while their parents painted over Kelly’s mural and took down the pale yellow curtains that had reminded Cas of honey.
One day, all memory of Jack and the world his parents had tried to give him would be gone. But it wouldn’t be today.
Castiel made his way outside, stood where the rift had first appeared. If he looked closely, he could still see the imprint of wings in the earth. This was where he and Kelly had both burned.
Cautiously, Castiel looked to the sky, the twinkling lights of stars against an unpolluted sky. Jack loved space. He would have loved it here, able to see the stars every night without fail.
It was time to let go.
Gently, Castiel let the ash catch in the breeze, wander everywhere it liked and more until it was gone. Jack was gone.
Castiel swallowed hard and tilted his head back up to the sky, to the light of a thousand stars. If he looked hard enough, he could see the golden twinkle of Jack’s grace reflecting back, his eyes glowing against a sea of blue.
“Hello, Jack.”​ 
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