hello! for the dialogue prompts, i was wondering if you could you 28 + turkspa. thanks!! <33 (i love your writing!!!)
anon ily and i'm sorrry this took a while (i got distracted by things) but look. turkspa. sacred sacred (angsty) turkspa 💘
Conflict
Everything hurts. His chest, his head, the pouring wound in his abdomen whose painful consequence is overwhelming his entire lower half… but not just them; his heart aches, too, and his eyes sting with bitter tears as he tries to stand back up, yet hardly has the energy to hold himself up on his knees, let alone his feet.
Antonio hates that it has come to this. He may not be surprised—perhaps, in the end, this is the only path he has—a cruel inevitability—but that does not make the pain any easier to bear.
It hurts. It hurts. It hurts in a way he does not recognise—in a way he fears he has not known pain before. He knows he won't die—not from anything other than blood loss, if he is so unlucky—but he feels otherwise. He feels Death. He wants Death. He wants an escape, because the pain he will have to live with instead will surely kill him anyway.
He had thought himself in love. He had thought that he had found a way to overcome the grip of politics, of culture, of society, and to live a double life. He had thought he could cheat the system of being a personification. He had thought he could play at being an ordinary human. But it had all been a lie. And now Antonio remains there kneeling in a growing puddle of his own blood, choking on vanishing air and his own naivety.
The person—the personification—that he holds responsible (yet also is hesitant to blame; is that naive of him, too?) stands over him, in the meantime. Cupid's arrow, Damocles' sword. Why does he watch? Why does he stand there silently and watch? Antonio cannot bear to face him. He fears moving, and being struck again. He fears pleading for a quickened end, but fears a crueller version of mercy.
The pain ebbs and flows in small surges. Pain, then numbness.
"I am sorry it had to come to this between us," the other says, though there is a lack of apology in his tone. A brute after all. “I tried to warn you. I tried to tell you to stay away.”
A laugh, stinging and sardonic, squeezes past drying lips. “Yet you kept coming back,” Antonio counters. “All this time, you… you let me believe, l-let me…”
But he can’t even get the words out. Ebbs and flows, pain and numbness. Antonio coughs and groans and makes the risky decision to lie down. He knows he’s going to die. He would prefer to save himself the fall—the sensation of being on the verge of dying and suddenly plummeting, as though down to Hell.
When his head hits the ground, it is both bliss, and surrender.
“This was never going to end any other way,” Sadık narrates all the while.
Antonio can barely hear him. His head throbs too loudly.
“You should have known that.”
If he were human, he would already be dead. His injury would have killed him.
“We could never be more than a fantasy.”
If he were human, he would have died so fast, but nation bodies, oh, they were such resilient things…
“We would never have survived war.”
Why couldn’t his heart be that strong…?
Antonio blinks and the tear that has held him together finally releases, dropping down into the dirt. How much of the world has been watered by tears, he wonders? How many nations weep, only for a flower to eventually sprout in that same place? Maybe there is something in that thought. Maybe his loss will become a gain for the world; a single flower, imbued with an impossible magic, resilient like a nation—like a nation should be, at least.
Still, with what energy remains, he searches for the other. His breathing may be frantic, blood may be blossoming from his body, a funeral rose, but he still searches for Ottoman, only to find him… walking away. Walking away from him, from them, from everything they once had.
Something possesses Antonio. Fear, perhaps. Desperation.
“W… Wait,” he calls out, though it may only come out as a breathy whisper, “don’t leave. Don’t leave…”
And by some miracle, he is heard. Ottoman stops—Sadık stops—and he turns back to look at Spain—at Antonio—and he exceeds all expectations. It takes a moment. It takes some deliberating. But, in the end, the other steps back towards the dying nation and crouches down. Perhaps that is so Antonio does not have to strain. Perhaps that is so he can get a better look at his cheap victory.
“What is it?” he asks. His hand finds Antonio’s and, suddenly, they are not enemies but lovers again. It almost steals the Spaniard’s last breath away. “I was going to leave you in peace. I would hate to be the last thing you see, this time.”
But Antonio doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about what Sadık wants or does not want. It is time for him to be selfish.
So he musters what he can—squeezes a hand—and says, “I need you to tell me something.”
Silence is an invitation.
“Was it… ever real for you…?”
Silence is an answer.
Silence is an answer that Antonio does not get to hear, because as he stares at Sadık for those few seconds and waits to know, waits for the truth, waits for peace, his breath and blood run out. He stares at Sadik for a few seconds more, but he does not see, like he does not hear, like he does not breathe. He does not know what that answer is, and he likely never will.
Sadık can only sigh. He regrets, in some ways, the things that have happened between them. He wishes it could have gone differently. But life as a nation—as an empire, like they both are and must now always be—rarely allows for the sort of life that Antonio has pursued. Perhaps Sadık should have warned him sooner…
Seeing that there is no one around—certainly no Spaniards, nor any of their allies—Sadık makes a decision. He makes a decision that surprises the other half of himself that would have left Spain there to die and wake up and struggle, and that decision prompts him to spend a minute or so carefully bringing a lifeless body into his arms.
With it, he stands. Blood will stain his clothes and hands, but since when has that bothered him? He will take Antonio with him so that he will not be alone when he revives. Because that is worse, he feels: to revive alone, rather than to die alone.
And think about it, he tells his other half, his empire-self, what an advantage it would be for the personification of the Spanish Empire to be under our charge, in our camp, in our custody.
Such an argument helps him walk, and walk faster than he thought he could.
[ final wordcount, 1148; prompts can be found here! ]
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