#2 years sober

[stonebutchooze]

sobriety is so constantly changing. I am someone who ferociously represses my feelings and spent most of my life walking around holding in a lot of emotional pain but also holding in my good feelings because I was scared of how they'd be received. I'm 2 years and 3 months sober as I write this. in a lot of the community im still a baby sober. for two years I haven't been able to just obliterate my anxiety or discomfort or feelings I thought might disappoint me. and don't get me wrong I've still been not feeling my feelings for two years — swinging wildly between numb and overwhelmed— but I've had gently increasing spells of calm. of feeling feelings. only tiny increments, but accepting those tiny increments. and they lead to more. to trying new things and surprise joy and being and having a safety net when it goes wrong.

sobriety is joy and suffering and knowing you need one to have the other.

[ghosst-girl]

world was on fire and no one could save me but you,

strange what desire makes foolish people do ✨🖤

[mopearound]

The urge to drink is helllllllaaa strong rn

[b1mbhoe]

Hi I'm back

As thick and grunge as ever

[introspectivememories]

god i know i said i was tired of making eveerything sad but just imagine timber those first few months of reconnecting and they're both drunk on tim's boat, laying on the deck staring up at the stars and bear turns over to look at tim, his eyes are sad and wet, and he reaches out to touch tim's face as if to make sure tim is really there and not an illusion and tim whispers, "bear?" and bernard smiles a little brokenly and goes, "so how long do i have you for this time?"

[the-acid-pear]

Soapy ending v3 has to be hands down my favorite but mostly because the wider world consequences it carries since this is an all or nothing situations all hands on deck you're either gonna save or doom them all but before ☝ let me indulge for a bit... and then you either save your ass from being turned into a bear (damned be your serial killer bf who is now left alone) or just left everyone kinda stuck on the flipside in the limbo of limbos bc they cannot win without you and they cannot return. All bc you had to buy that bag of coke from those eternal toddlers. It's beautiful.

[allarrows]

p much sober other than mirtazapine, would not have thought it possible 5 years ago.

[cybervom1t]

drinking vodka out the bottle because i’m not a pussy ass bitch

[identitty-dickruption]

engaging in some arts and crafts on this fine evening…. if the AA-goers get little chips lord knows I’m gonna get a little colourful thing too

[satanfemme]

I love my best friend Celebratory Margarita And Candy And Nothing Else For Dinner. my therapist says my lifestyle is normal for a young bachelor by the way.

[funstyle]

I wanna hear an alcoholics/addicts rant

and rant i will baby!!!!

it just like. consistently drives me crazy how people who arent addicts always fucking treat it like a moral stance you make to be an addict. like it's a MORAL FAILING if you relapse or something because they cant comprehend that something would take away your willpower. they just see it as a selfish thing rather than a disease (that they think they're above and could never be so weak as to be addicted to anything themselves). or people who dont drink cant understand why it's so hard for you because they never depended on it in the first place.

and part of me gets where that comes from because there are addicts in my life! ive been on the other side! visiting my alcoholic grandma fucking sucked! but i also understand it's not as simple as "this person is having a bottle of chardonnay right now because theyre selfish and dont care about anyone else" and it's more like "this person's brain is predominately wired to figure out how to get a bottle of chardonnay in her right now and everything else takes a backseat to that". at a certain point in addiction you stop driving the car and it takes a long time and a lot of effort to wrestle the wheel out of its hands and it's sitting in the passenger seat trying to cover your eyes and biting your arms and stuff the whole time. and more often than not one addiction will end and another will start because your brain is wired to seek out SOMETHING to depend on. anyway im getting off track. non-addicts shut up about addicts you dont know what youre talking about ❤️

[ghosst-girl]

will it make me feel better to say it? I’ve been dancing around the subject for so long

I. miss. dope. so. much.

what I wouldn’t give for one more shot.

one more bowl. one more hot rail. one more taste. one more come up.

one more night where I don’t feel a thing but pleasure.

but I can never have it.

I’m an addict so I guess I’ll always crave it.

Addiction is a fucking prison. how can I love and despise something so much?

is it really going to be like this forever?

am I really strong enough to fight this for the rest of my life?

[befuddled-calico-whump]

look this is going to sound like incoherent rambling but this song is so comforting on such a weird level to me

it's maple trees and sunny windows. muted earth tones and a neighborhood that's comfortable and friendly. it carves a shape into my throat.

[metalsylvester]

Realizing my spite-fueled sobriety is going to have to last like 5+ weeks...

[faineant-girl]

i wish all addicts, in recovery or not, a life free of sorrow forever

[postgoblin]

off the weed rn cuz it allegedly put me in the ER last year for cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome & im tryin 2 see if my abdominal pain flareups are related & frankly it's suuuuch a huge bummer

like if weed is causing my pain that rly blows dude but oh well i guess i have to commit to my straightedge sobriety fantasies before i turn 30

someone tell me some other way to cope. idk how to microdose age regression