#2020cumdump

[i-like-plan-m]

Could you do a modern au with famous parents Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji and baby a-yuan being adorable and being loved by their fans?

this was fun, thank you! [Posted to Ao3]

The video was short and packed with Wei Ying’s rapid-fire chatter, a response to his recent fan-selected award after a landslide of votes had catapulted him to the top of a long list of very accomplished actors. He’d spent the last hour trading off between screaming into a pillow and wandering around in dazed disbelief until Wen Qing, acting in her capacity as his agent, had bullied him into making a quick thank you video.

Wei Ying kept it quick and crammed as much of his gratitude and excitement into it as he could, though he was careful to keep the screen confined to the office space Lan Zhan had designed for him. It was a live video, since that seemed to be what fans preferred these days, so he angled the camera carefully away from anything incriminating.

And by incriminating he meant “any sign that Wei Ying had a life outside of acting.”

The door was closed, and the room held no identifying pictures or objects. Wei Ying had come to treasure his privacy, and was fierce about protecting the details of his personal life out of the hands of his thousands of fans. Enough that no one outside of their families even knew they were friends, much less married with a son.

Lan Zhan, of course, hated the riot of noise and flashing lights that accompanied Wei Ying anywhere in public. As one of the foremost violinists in this hemisphere, he had his own level of fame, but his fans were less likely to screech like a banshee upon seeing him. And they had A-Yuan to protect now, and keeping him out of the spotlight was the safest way to do so.

His oversight was not locking the door. A rookie parenting mistake.

A-Yuan burst through the door like the Kool-Aid Man about ten seconds into Wei Ying’s final thank you speech, his damp hair sticking up in downy tufts and his little body swamped by one of Wei Ying’s softest threadbare t-shirts.

“Baba!” He shouted at the top of his tiny but incredibly powerful lungs. “There’s a bird in the house!”

Wei Ying watched the dismay cross his face in real time on the phone screen, followed by alarm when his son’s words finally registered. “There’s a what in the house?” He asked as he whipped his head around, the live stream momentarily forgotten.

“A bird!” A-Yuan said excitedly, hopping over to him when the shirt got tangled around his feet. Wei Ying scooped him up before he tumbled face-first to the floor. His son gripped his shirt and leaned in until their noses were nearly touching, eyes wide and bright over the commotion. “Can we keep it?”

There was an angry shriek from the kitchen that suggested the bird would not appreciate such an invitation.

“Where is your dad?” Wei Ying asked instead of answering, phone shoved hastily into his pocket when a crash sounded in the house.

“He’s hiding Popcorn and Jelly Bean,” A-Yuan reported. Wei Ying’s smile was fond; of course Lan Zhan would stash the bunnies safely away. “He told me to wait for him, but I didn’t want you to be scared! It’s okay to be scared, though,” he said earnestly, his little face solemn and so reminiscent of Lan Zhan that Wei Ying had to stop and shower kisses all over his face.

“When’d you get to be so smart, huh?” Wei Ying asked when A-Yuan was breathless with laughter and squirming so much he nearly dropped him.

“Baba,” he complained, flopping over his shoulder with a huff. “That’s what you said.”

“Ha! Of course you’re smart, then, if you’re learning from me!”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s low voice had him turning and tightening his grip on A-Yuan when he wriggled happily at the sight of his other father.

“I hear we have an intruder,” Wei Ying said, grinning widely at his husband.

Exasperation crossed Lan Zhan’s face. “It flew in by mistake,” he said, but then he glanced at A-Yuan with a wry smile.

“By mistake, huh?” Wei Ying bounced his son in his arms, grinning when A-Yuan giggled and fisted his hands in his shirt to cling to for balance. “And what, pray tell, were you doing when this bird wandered into our home?”

A-Yuan blinked big, dark eyes at him with utter innocence. “Playing!”

“Mhm. And what were you playing?” Wei Ying leaned cautiously around the corner to peer into the kitchen, wincing when the unfortunately large bird spotted him and screeched furiously.

“Um.” A-Yuan thought for a moment. “The bunnies wanted to see outside.”

“Did they?” Wei Ying asked, trading a glance with Lan Zhan, who then scowled at the bird now stabbing its beak angrily at the plants on top of the cabinets.

A-Yuan nodded seriously. “Yes, they told me.”

“So you took the bunnies onto the balcony?” Wei Ying prompted.

“They aren’t allowed outside unless someone is with them,” A-Yuan repeated, which, okay, at least he remembered some of the rules. They’d have to work on ensuring he understood the rules were for him, not their fuzzy little pets. “I carried Jellybean outside so she could see the clouds! One looked like a dinosaur, baba. She wanted to see.”

“Oh, well, in that case.” He had a good idea of what had happened here. The ‘not going outside without someone to watch you’ rule had somehow been transferred into ‘you can go outside alone as long as you’re watching the bunnies,’ because that was the logic of a four year old.

“And then the bird?” Lan Zhan asked, clearly also aware of the chain of events that had led to them cowering in the hallway as a baffled and irate bird rushed around their kitchen in a destructive-sounding temper tantrum.

A-Yuan cuddled closer to Wei Ying as though sensing an impending punishment. Wei Ying rolled his eyes; Lan Zhan would fold in a heartbeat under that big-eyed stare, and it would be left to Wei Ying to remind them both why humans under three feet tall weren’t allowed on the balcony alone.

“The bird wanted to play with Jellybean,” A-Yuan said. Wei Ying’s jaw dropped.

“The bird wanted to play with Jellybean,” Lan Zhan repeated slowly.

“Yes! It flew down super fast! And it landed right beside me! Then we went inside, because Popcorn was all alone, and the bird came inside to see him too!”

“Okay,” Wei Ying said in a strangled voice, and it took a heroic effort to keep the laughter at bay. “A-Yuan, why don’t you go check on the bunnies, okay? We’re going to go help the bird get back home.”

A-Yuan craned his neck around to peer into the kitchen. “It sounds pretty mad,” he said doubtfully.

“We will talk to it,” Lan Zhan assured him, and they waited until A-Yuan had scampered out of sight to stare at each other with wide eyes.

“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

Lan Zhan pinched the bridge of his nose. “The bunnies were almost eaten.”

“Our son was almost traumatized for life,” Wei Ying said, choking on a laugh. “Lan Zhan, he almost witnessed a double homicide on our own balcony.” He wheezed with laughter, clutching his ribs.

“We will install higher locks,” Lan Zhan said grimly.

“Either that or buy a baby backpack leash,” Wei Ying agreed, and grinned widely at Lan Zhan’s sigh. “I’m just saying, the kid is going to keep on growing. He’s too smart for his own good, too.”

“What do we do about the bird?” Lan Zhan asked, absently stroking a hand along Wei Ying’s spine when he leaned against his side.

“Hell if I know. Maybe Wen Ning will know what to do. He knows things like this, right?”

“He is a vet,” Lan Zhan said dryly. “I should hope so.”

“I’ll call him,” Wei Ying decided. “We should probably feed him while he’s over here. As payment, you know. Not many friends would come wrestle with a wild bird on a Friday night for us.”

“I think the bird would object if I tried to cook,” Lan Zhan said, surly. He made a sound of distress. “Wei Ying, it’s in the pantry.”

“It’s deciding what it wants for dinner, Lan Zhan. Better pay attention or it’ll go for the bunnies again!” Lan Zhan looked at him, appalled, and he couldn’t bite back the tide of laughter.

“Ridiculous,” Lan Zhan muttered.

“You married me,” Wei Ying pointed out. “No take backs.”

Lan Zhan softened like he did every time Wei Ying brought up their marriage. Pressed a kiss to his forehead and agreed, “No take backs.”

And then a moment later— “But leave the bunnies out of this.”

His Lan Zhan was so soft hearted, Wei Ying thought, so full of love he could burst.

“Yeah, yeah, I know where I rank,” Wei Ying said, entirely teasing. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, still grinning up at Lan Zhan as his husband gave an exasperated sigh.

The grin fell right off his face at the sight of his phone screen, which was open. And recording. And so full with rapid-fire comments that the actual video screen was barely visible.

“Oh no,” he said. “Oh no. Lan Zhan.”

“What’s wrong?” Lan Zhan asked, glancing worriedly at him and then down to the screen when Wei Ying couldn’t tear his eyes away from it.

Wei Ying looked up slowly, so guilty he felt sick with it. “It’s been recording this whole time,” he whispered.

He must have looked really bad, because Lan Zhan ignored the phone entirely and pulled him close, holding one of Wei Ying’s palms flat against his chest and breathing slowly and deliberately until he matched his own breathing to Lan Zhan’s. The familiar routine soothed the edges of anxiety that were rapidly blooming into a panic attack, and he swallowed hard and dropped his forehead against Lan Zhan’s shoulder until he could think straight.

“I’m—“

“No apologies,” Lan Zhan reminded him in a murmur so low against his ear that the phone couldn’t have picked it up. “It was an accident. We knew this wouldn’t last forever, and I’m not ashamed of you or A-Yuan. It’s okay  Wei Ying.”

“But I fucked up,” Wei Ying mumbled into his neck, clinging like A-Yuan after a bad dream.

“You had an intruder to welcome,” Lan Zhan said, amused. Wei Ying risked a glance up and found that Lan Zhan was smiling, not even a hint of worry on his face.

“Might as well run with it, I guess,” he said with a hesitant smile.

Lan Zhan pressed a kiss to his hair. “Might as well.”

Wei Ying smiled for real now, bright and unrestrained as he lifted the camera away from the floor. “Uh. Hi, everyone! Wow, there are a lot of you. Lan Zhan, this is like, triple the people who were watching it at the beginning. I think I’m offended.”

“Wei Ying.”

“Right, right. So… surprise!” He laughed at a few of the comments, and then they winced in tandem at the loud bang and squawk from the kitchen. “There’s another surprise for all of us tonight, it seems. Look who showed up and just let herself right in!” He flipped the camera around just in time to catch the bird’s beady eyes glaring at them from atop the fridge.

“Can you believe this?” Wei Ying slipped into his usual stream-of-consciousness chatter, free hand tucked into Lan Zhan’s as the pitter patter of little feet trotted down the hall towards them, announcing A-Yuan’s return.

He segued into talking about his husband and son, hesitant at first from years of absolute silence on the topic. Half an hour, a miraculously unscathed Wen Ning and a freed bird later, Wei Ying ended the video and set his phone aside, feeling a little wrung out from the evening’s events.

His phone buzzed. “Jiang Cheng wants to know why we’re trending on twitter. Ha! Get a bird stuck in your house and maybe you’ll become a twitter sensation, A-Cheng!”

He glanced over at A-Yuan, who had his face pressed to the glass door to the balcony in a futile search for the bird. “Time for that talk?” He asked, nudging Lan Zhan with a pointed nod.

Lan Zhan looked shifty. “The bunnies weren’t actually hurt.”

“So… a lecture about the dangers of balconies, but not about the bunny jailbreak and near-execution?”

“That seems fair.”

Fair. Yeah, right. Lan Zhan just couldn’t handle a few distraught tears from their child who absolutely realized this weakness and happily exploited it. “You realize we’re a couple of suckers, right?”

Lan Zhan shrugged. “I’m okay with it.”

Yeah, Wei Ying thought, giving in with a sigh. So was he.

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

@2020cumdump every time i see you in my notes it makes me laugh lmao

[i-like-plan-m]

Mayhaps you could write the classic Wei Wuxian or Lan Wangji getting injured protecting the other? I do love me some needless angst😌

wander the edges of light: chapter 3!