#76 // you wish for death but he keeps you alive

[thegospelhighways2020]

Good Morning Church let the broadcast be joyful this morning before I continue Preaching about St. Patrick's Day it's time for we still have joy with #racheljoyscott this morning because we're praying for her and which is let us pray our heavenly father quire we approach your throne in the most humbled way we know how to pray we come in prayer to heaven anyhow to let you know that we're praying for Rachel Joy Scott and that we're going to continue to keep her memory alive and well we pray for the sickness and we ask lord that you heal us Our prayers heal us lord heal Those Who are Suffering Pains heal Those Who are Sick Hurt or Injured in Wrecks or Crashes and Those who Passed Away from Cancer and heal Those Who have Cancer Those Who have Loved ones being lost and gone to Heaven anyhow in Jesus name Every demonic force in the world and Church Folks Memorial Supporters say along with me as we pray amen it's the time for giving thanks around Thanksgiving Day and Eve another year as we're in Easter Sunday and St. Patrick's Day Sunday Happy St. Patrick's Day Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's out there we're praying for Them and the Kids they Lost and I need Y'all to know that I'm Preaching about st. Patrick's Day before because there's a Man that is named St. Patrick and this Man went to heaven anyhow I'm always saying heaven anyhow because that's what I sing in one of my songs on a caption and I preach about it again like it's big it's big Church it is big enough than a house it's bigger than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a bowl of Cereal that is for Children It's another week as we're moving into another month of December 2020 Merry Christmas and Happy new year I wish there was a way to bring back all of the ones who Lost their lives including Children now this year in March 17th 2024 for St. Patrick's Day Y'all know St. Patrick He was Born let's put BIRTH c.385 England and DEATH c.17 Mar 461 (aged 75–76) County Down, Northern Ireland and now BURIAL* Saul Church of Ireland Churchyard Downpatrick, County Down, Northern Ireland by #danyardandsonbarnwellfuneralhome Saint Patrick this is Bishop Dr. Perry Volturi Sr. Church Preaching Sunday Words be good

[jisatsu-tai]

💭 (any of them for Jack?) - @facetedspades

Jack it’s roast o clock.

We need you.

I am not sure I can do this by myself without the crutch you provided. You taught me so much and now I’m being forced to use it practically and my perfectionism is destroying me.

          I am not you.

There was cracks in your stature but only the keen could see it and I know those cracks are fractures now, and that your mission - whatever it is - has consumed you.

Just come back to us...

You are brave.

         You put up with so much for so long, and while I never got to know you or took the time try, I remember what it was like when you were our shield. When Blackwatch fucked up you were there at every turn trying to protect us and while I didn’t know that then, I know that now.

Why did it get this far?

            Maybe I’m bias because I walked behind enemy lines with the Blackwatch team and I never batted an eyelash but you never once yanked the chain. Did you think what we were doing was right? A necessarily evil?

Did you want this to happen?               did you ever think... what might happen to us? what might happen to him?

Get it together.

             We have so much farther left to go.

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

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❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[simoneashleydaily]

Simone Ashley interviewed by New York Amsterdam News

Simone Ashley in ‘Bridgerton’ Season 2—an actress to keep an eye on

by MARGRIA

April 14, 2022

There is no getting around how impacting “Bridgerton” Season 2 has been on the Black and Brown communities around the world. In America, where things are white and barely Black the arrival of two Indian characters, in key roles, in the second season, has set the social media world aflame, and rightly so.

And although the series is based on the book series written by Julia Quinn of which there are eight novels, one for each of the Bridgerton siblings, it was the visionary Shonda Rhimes (“Grey’s Anatomy,” “Scandal,”

“How to Get Away With Murder”) and her team that brought these characters to the small screen, making sure to cast gifted, multiracial actors. It’s a joy to watch. This attention to detail we can call the Rhimes touch because there are very few showrunners that have a better hit record than Rhimes, who has ruled television for most of the past two decades.

Now, to the facts. “Bridgerton” Season 2 is more than just a success story, it’s taken hold of the imagination of millions and has zoomed to the No. 1 spot in 76 countries, with a viewership of 82 million+ homes, and is moving, like a bullet, to becoming the second-most watched series by total watch time on the platform. This is just another example of Rhimes’ ability to create another cultural phenomenon while keeping her fingers firmly on the cultural zeitgeist and making sure that multiculturalism is never lost.

Although it’s not yet clear if the Netflix series will follow the same format as the books (or run eight seasons), Season 1 was mostly adapted from the first book in the series, “The Duke & I,” and the second, “The Viscount Who Loved Me.”

The love story in Season 2 focuses on Anthony Bridgerton (Jonathan Bailey) and Kate Sharma (Simone Ashley, Kate Sheffield in the book), who are both equally passionate and unmovingly stubborn in the show.

The sexual chemistry is clear for all to see, except the feuding lovers.

The second season finds Lord Bridgerton now determined to marry out of obligation, not love since he’s never recovered from witnessing the sudden death of his father (from a bee sting) at the age of 38.

The young Lord is taken for a spin when Edwina (Charithra Chandran)—the diamond of the season—will only marry the man approved by her older, deeply loved half-sister Kate. When Anthony begins to court Edwina, Kate’s defenses spring alive believing him to be a “rake, with a capital R” as a gossip columnist, Lady Whistledown, describes him in her popular scandal sheet. But it’s the undeniable chemistry between Anthony and Kate that makes this season so special.

Ashley has been a working actress for years, cutting her teeth in many well-known British dramas including “Doctors,” “Casualty,” “Broadchurch,” and “Guilt.” Then her career took a great jolt forwards when she landed a role in the Netflix smash hit, “Sex Education,” playing the hip, cool girl Olivia Hanan, a girl terrified to show her boyfriend her face during her sexual climax.

We caught up with Simone Ashley (Kate Sharma) to chat about her role in “Bridgerton” who is on record stating that representation “matters” (and, it does), and to discuss her character.

Amsterdam News: Congratulations on the success. They only gave me eight minutes which means three questions. Is there a question that you wished reporters had asked you, that they did not? She’s a complicated character.

Simon Ashley: Thank you. Well, I would like to speak more about my character [Kate Sharma] and there has been such a wonderfully warm response to having the Indian representation on this show. This character is inspired by author Julia Quinn, and she is such a nuanced, complex character and one that I enjoyed playing.

AmNews: You are an extremely gifted thespian and your body language is pure perfection. How did you work with the director?

SA: Thank you. I didn’t want to portray the character as a villain, someone who betrays her sister. This is about family, her love for her family. I wanted to portray a woman that’s authentic to her heart, and protecting Edwina, and her family. That’s the value that I wanted other women to see. I wanted to show that strength.

AmNews: Love is her motivation. It comes through very strongly.

SA: Kate is someone who wants to blend into the background. When we first meet her, her hair is in a bun, the make-up is minimal. She wears very dark colors. She isn’t very effervescent because she wants to put her sister first and in the spotlight. Kate, she’s the silent, kind of assigned type, in the background. She’s very observant.

AmNews: That’s an interesting way to describe her but accurate from what I viewed.

SA: She’s a people watcher, she loves to observe and I think she’s very reserved, and I think she’s not very open to being vulnerable with people. She likes to keep to herself.

AmNews: As I said, at the top of this conversation, she’s a very complicated character.

SA: I think that her journey is that she wants to run away from her problems. Her loss of her father, especially after she’s married off her sister. Then we slowly see her loosen up and become more colorful, with what she wears, and how she’s letting her hair fall. And she’s opening up to the idea of falling in love.

AmNews: Well said, and we do watch Kate fall in love—and the struggle of letting go is so wonderfully, delicious.

SA: I think, for me, it was important to tell that part of the story. She was in a rock and a hard place but she genuinely was falling in love with this person, Anthony, who is kind of her soulmate. And that journey of loving herself and setting herself free from those duties and responsibilities.

AmNews: Sounds like a fun challenge, am I correct?

SA: It was a fun challenge to play a character like that. Someone so subtle, with minimum speech in certain areas, and I enjoyed playing Kate, through her eyes, and her observations of this world that she’s in.

AmNews: Again, it goes back to my comment about your beautiful body language.

SA: Thank you. I am drawn to people like that anyway—mysterious—still waters run deep and that applies to Kate.

AmNews: Understatement, what I also loved, speaking about subtleties, is how Kate connected with the animals which included her dog, the horse, and a bee. A horse is a wild beast, you must pay attention.

SA: I resonated with Kate on this because she’s not like her sister, Edwina, a super academic, who practiced all the dances, Kate has an intuitive heart. She may not be as articulate as Edwina but she is very intuitive with animals which I applied with the bee sting scene, in episode 3, and when I was speaking with the director we discussed how she’s the only one that can calm Anthony down like she’s able to tame a wild horse. There is something about her in that ability to calm him because there is something animalistic about Anthony and Kate can handle that, she’s the only woman to put her foot on the ground [so, to speak] and hold the reins.

AmNews: Anthony is like that fairytale character, the one with the lion who is ailing because there is a splinter in his paw. He’s growling because he’s in pain.

SA: Yes. I love that analogy. Exactly. She’s very brave for both of them.

AmNews: Let’s talk about the look—the no beauty look created by makeup artist Pat McGrath.

SA: All hail to [makeup artist] Pat McGrath, she’s one of the loveliest people that I’ve ever met. Her beauty products are just incredible and we used her products on the show. I was more than happy, I was incredibly honored to wear the products. And when I walked on the set, I felt so beautiful, and confident, like a princess, and that my skin was being shown off in the best way possible and that’s something rare.

AmNews: You said a mouthful. To get our colors correct, on-screen—it’s close to being a miracle.

SA: It’s beautiful how it brings dark skin to life with the lighting, and the makeup—everything.

AmNews: You did not look like a zombie.

SA: Exactly, no gray tones on this set.

AmNews: Not with Ms. Pat McGrath.

[countessren]

The Bad Batch || Writing Prompts

1. If we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.

2. How is it that when something happens it’s always you guys?

3. I...I didn’t think we would get this far.

4. Please put that down, that’s not for playing.

5. If I had a credit for every time we get in trouble I would be the richest person in existence.

6. Don’t tell me...you broke the hyperdrive.

7. You can’t say that! At least not in front of the child!

8. What does this do?/If you want to find out, you’ll have to close that door.

9. You know I didn’t mean that/Well it sure sounded like you did.

10. If I wanted to waste my time, I would have asked for your opinion.

11. Don’t put me on the spot, I wasn’t listening.

12. Don’t look at me, he did it.

13. I can’t help it, you’re too important to me.

14. If you’re aiming to piss me off, we’re well past that point right now.

15. If one more person damages this ship, I’m taking Lula.

16. I’m sorry...but I can’t do this anymore.

17. Don’t accuse me of being the jerk, I’m not the one who needs to develop a personality.

18. Give me one good reason as to why I shouldn’t punch you in your perfect face.

19. So, what’s the plan?/ You’re telling me that you didn’t come up with one?!

20. Awwww, you’re so adorable when you blush.

21. Get away from me, you’ve annoyed me now.

22. When this is all over, I’m going to take you somewhere far away from all this mess/ I’d like that.

23. If you touch my stuff without asking one more time, I swear.../ You’ll what? Pummel me to death?/ If that’s what it takes, then yes. I will.

24. I don’t think I can do that. I just...I don’t know.

25. Did you...did you just compliment me?

26. The systems are fried because someone didn’t fix the wiring issue!

27. Stop blaming me for your mistakes!

28. I’m tired of trying to fight so hard for someone who doesn’t even want me.

29. Prove it hotshot.

30. You should be more careful, you don’t want anything drastic to happen now do you?

31. You’ve got to be kidding me, I’m not wearing that thing.

32. You know you can tell me anything, right?

33. I’m a little busy right now, but sure, what can I do for you?

34. I’m fine, honestly it’s just a scratch/ That is not a scratch, what are you talking about?

35. Stay awake for me, please!

36. I can’t lose you, please just...just come back to me.

37. Could you stay? Just for a little while, please?

38. You really think I’m a valuable part of this team? Even after that?

39. Please don’t ask me to do that, I can’t.

40. You have to be more careful, one day you’ll come back to me in pieces.

41. I’m sorry, forget I said anything.

42. If I may/ No!/ ...Apologies.

43. Can I interest anyone in a vacation?

44. You can’t keep going around and destroying things/ Oh yeah, watch me!

45. This is never going to work/ You look beautiful darling, stop worrying.

46. Can’t we just relax for the day? I’m tired after yesterday.

47. The stars...can’t do it...not today.

48. I’d laugh but I would prefer to keep my life.

49. Don’t test me.

50. Oh please, I would rather die than be partnered up with him for this mission.

51. Wait, remind me again why we are doing this.

52. I love you so much, I want you to know that in case-/ In case nothing. Nothing will happen. Don’t ever say that again.

53. You’re heavy, get off me.

54. For the love of god, please just be nice to each other.

55. I care too much, so sue me.

56. How dare you, you will treat me with respect.

57. Can I...can I give you a hug?

58. I uh...I don’t know how we managed to get out of that alive/ Well, now that we have, you owe me.

59. Just keep your eyes on me, don’t turn around.

60. Is this...reg...bothering you?

61. I wouldn’t shoot the messenger if I were you/ But it sends a message/ Yeah, the wrong type of message!

62. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to fix this ship, but I’m so over having to stop every five minutes.

63. Honestly, you’re the only person that keeps me calm.

64. Well maybe if you listened to me instead of that damn holopad we wouldn’t be in this situation.

65. I’m really sorry/ Go away, I’m not talking to you.

66. It hurst...it hurst so much/ Just stay with me, don’t you dare close your eyes.

67. If we could stay here all day, you know I would hold on to you and never let go right?

68. Cuddles?/ ...Fine.

69. I’m innocent I swear/ I know you, you are far from innocent.

70. Uh oh/ What? / Nothing...nothing at all.

71. Tech said I was bleeding internally, that’s where all the blood is supposed to be!/ Wrecker...no.

72. I can help, just let me-/ No, you’ve done enough.

73. I...I’m cold/ Well that’s unfortunate, I can’t do anything about the weather.

74. You inconsiderate, lying, two-faced prick!

75. If you don’t remove your hand from my shoulder, you won’t have hands at all.

76. Kill me, but don’t hurt them. Please...

77. Is anyone else having trouble figuring out how we are all still alive?

78. I could seriously just-/ Just what sweetheart?

79. I want you know that I’m sorry if things weren’t easy for you, but it wasn’t easy for me too. I had to be strong for everyone else when you fell apart...and it broke me too.

80. You’re not the only one who’s having second thoughts.

81. Please just...just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about it.

82. I could honestly just sleep forever right now/ Come here...

83. I love you, but it’s okay if you don’t feel the same.

84. This isn’t you, you have to fight it.

85. Give me a chance, I’ll prove to you that I care/ You have one more chance, otherwise I’m gone.

86. Shoot me once, shame on you. Shoot me twice...yeah that’s my mistake.

87. Ow!/ You deserved that/ What did you do that for!?/ You know exactly what for!

88. It’s so cold in here/ Here, have my blanket.

89. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so mesmerising in all my life/ I have.

SOULMATE AU PROMPTS

90. The first words you say to your soulmate are tattooed on your arm.

91. You don’t see colour until you meet your soulmate.

92. You can hear your soulmates thoughts.

93. When you touch your soulmate, you see glimpses of what your future will be like together.

94. You can feel your soulmates pain.

95. You can feel intense pain whenever your soulmate is in danger.

96. You have random visions of what your soulmate sees, but neither of you know it until you meet.

97. You have a clock that counts down to when you will meet your soulmate.

98. You have the same tattoo/scars as your soulmate.

99. One of your eyes is the same colour of your soulmates.

100. The name of your soulmate is tattooed somewhere on your person.

PLEASE GIVE CREDIT IF YOU USE ANY! WHETHER IT BE A LIKE, REBLOG OR @MENTION! Requests will be open as of 8th of June, so feel free to flood my inbox until then! You can also comment below should you wish to request anything.

[big1ron]

Different nightmares for the Kamino guard

Woo! More clone wars. And just in time for bad batch. Fair warning this is meant to be part of a series I may never end up continuing, so go ahead and guess the plot twists. This is the first part of an ‘orders’ rework.

Tup had shot a jedi. Fives had no idea why or how his old friend could ever do something like this. It was as if he was sick or in some kind of trance. The separatists had already tried to stop him from reaching kamino once, so Fives would not let him fall into harms way again. The captain had assigned him to protect his friend, so he would. Even if he wasn’t assigned so he would. He was just as curious as everyone else as to what was happening and concerned for Tup’s safety.

During the flight to kamino fives talked to tup, reassuring him he would be fine, unsure if it was even true or if he could understand him in that state.

“Medical frigate 571 cleared for landing in bay 5” a voice rang out on the intercoms. This was to be a special case. Dean squad moved to secure this special transfer.

The five guards escorted fives and the hover gurney into the city and towards an examination room.

Nala se spoke with shak ti. They were discussing this special case. Fives was put in a separate room from who he was supposed to protect. This clued dean squad to the kaminoans intention immediately.

The captain that had accompanied the two was dismissed back to the battle field. The guards all knew he was the lucky one.

“You hear what was so special about this one?” One of the guards, Roy asked. Whispering over the comms though the helmets were sound proof. His head didn’t move a millimetre, no sign he was even speaking.He was distinguishable only by an ever so slightly different finger placement on his blaster.

“Heard he killed a Jedi” Nix responded, also hushed but slightly louder. He was distinguishable just by the near invisible slant of his hips as he favoured his left leg.

CT-2894, distinguishable by nothing, as he was damn near perfect, scanned this anomalous clone’s face. It stirred some kind of foreign feeling in him. Something like what he felt right after waking from the nightmares only he got. Of course, he didn’t say anything. He never did.

Once in the testing room, lama su is quick to start the hyper tests, near immediately giving the order to “administer the stimulant.”

The medical droid complied, jabbing a hypo into the bound clones chest.

“Remove his mask”

As the droid did so, the clone began struggling and writhing against the restraints. The dean squad adverted their eyes from the disturbing sight, except 2894, who couldn’t take his eyes away. Why? What did he feel about that clone?

The arc trooper who had been separated from the anomalous clone banged on the window between the rooms, distressed. He was shouting things to his droid, understandably upset over the treatment of who he was meant to protect. He calls out to shak ti, who while more composed than the trooper, also looks distressed. She presses a button that shades the window separating the two rooms.

“His reactions are normal. His reaction will subside.” Lama su says calmly, while imputing the results to her datapad. “The patient must be awake for the next round of tests.”

“I am not fond of these hyper tests.” The Jedi says, watching the clone concernedly.

“Yes, but they do give us all the information we need in a timely fashion.” Lama su says while tapping away on one of the control panels. “There does not seem to be any sign of infection in the blood.”

“How curious”

“The subject has tested negative on all counts. This clone seems to be in perfect health.”

“We must be missing something”

“Why am I here?” The clone on the table asks breathlessly as he wakes.

“Is he conscious?” Asks the Jedi to the kaminoan.

This causes the clone on the table to lock onto the Jedi, and somthing seems to switch in his head. “Follow orders. Kill Jedi. Kill Jedi!”

“Are you finished with your tests?” Asks the Jedi. “Sedate him.”

And the clone protests with his mantra of “kill the Jedi” until he losses consciousness again.

The Jedi and the kaminoan discuss the clone, but the kaminoan and the dean guards already know exactly what his fate is. He’s a defect. He’s liked a Jedi and expressed his intent to do so again. He was as good as dead the second he arrived. And it’s rare but cases like this have shown up before. The kaminoan insists upon it being some kind of nano virus, same excuse as always.

“The only way to find out what happened to this clone is to terminate him. And do a full molecular level autopsy.”

Roy’s shoulders fall ever so slightly. He knew this would happen. They all did. But still, to hear it is always different. 2894 stiffens his shoulders. There’s something off about this clone. For some reason, some gut feeling was telling him he did not want this clone dead.

One of the medical droids suggests a level 5 brain scan that might reveal the cause instead of termination, but lama su brushes the suggestion off, saying the clone is too weak.

The Jedi and the kaminoan get into a civil debate over the fate of the clone, with the Jedi wishing to take him to the Jedi temple alive. This general’s tried before. And she’s never won. But she leaves to speak to the Jedi council, and lama su leaves to speak to the prime minister.

The three guards watching the anomalous clone are silent, awaiting the decision. The sound of something hitting the window from the other side is the only noise other than the beeping of the machines.

The air was heavy, as they waited for news of this clones fate. None of them had known him personally, but that didn’t mean they would want him to die. 2894 never let himself grow attached to the clones passing through. Barely spoke to his own squad. But he had such a strange unexplainable draw towards this specific clone, that he couldn’t help but feel concern for him.

Soon Nala se returned however. Before the Jedi and with a syringe.

“It will be a painless death. And all our questions will be answered.”

For the first time in recent memory, 2894 felt panic. As if he had just woken form a nightmare only he ever seemed to get.

Why? Why this clone? Why did he care about this clone? That didn’t matter. He couldn’t let that happen.

He’d not planned for mutiny, but he was prepared for it.

He knew to kick for Nix’s left knee first, while he set his blaster for stun. He knew Roy always swung high first, when in range. He knew he was not from their batch and had a few tricks he didn’t remember learning. And he knew he had to keep that clone alive.

Kamino guards don’t get nightmares. At least not as violent, or frequent ones as 2894. His squad mates tell him this out of concern whenever they have to wake him up from one. Its not normal for a kamino guard. And 2894 would never tell them exactly what the nightmares were about.

But despite that, 2894 was the most perfect clone in dean squad. He barely talked to them outside what was necessary, and though he wasn’t unfriendly to them, he always seemed distant. He wasn’t from the same batch as Fly, Scale, Nix, or Roy. And when asked about his batch, would just go quiet.

2894 seemed much less a clone than a droid. Maybe his scores were higher than his squad, but the most human he seemed was when he woke up screaming from a nightmare.

So this was extremely unexpected. Or maybe all that was an early warning.

The ARC trooper that had been in the other room came rushing in. 2894 couldn’t read his intention straight away. This second he took was too long. ARC troopers are fast, and this one had him on the ground in an instant.

“What are you doing?” He demanded immediately

“I don’t know!” 2894 answered truthfully before amending with “protecting the patient until further orders.” That slip up will have cost him his life. The excuse he came up with was good, but it came a moment too late. Surely this ARC trooper would punish him for it.

2894 awaited his fate in the seconds the ARC stayed silent.

“They would have killed him” the ARC stated the obvious as he looked towards the kaminoan.

“Yes”

“But the Jedi hasn’t returned yet.”

“No”

The ARC was quiet again, adjusting his hold on the guard

“You weren’t following orders, were you?”

“I was, sir. To see to that the operation is carried out safely. Nala se, while being the head of the operation, did not have the consent of the Jedi overseer to continue.”

The ARC chuckled. The guard wasn’t joking. Surely the bluff wouldn’t fly.

“They didn’t need the general’s permission. You know this. You attach your superiors. You committed mutiny! But you do remind me a lot of someone I used to know.” The ARC’s tone was jovial. Relived. 2894 didn’t get it.

“AZ, you should be more like this guy.” The clone calls to a droid waiting patiently in the hall. The ARC leaned off of the guard and stood, helping him up. He went on, inspecting the equipment. 2894 just stood, bewildered. What was the ARC doing? He should be arresting him! Or setting off an alarm! Or killing him!

“W- why are you ok with this? You should probably set off the alarm-“

“Don’t touch that!” The ARC calls as the guard reaches for the button. “You are terrible at mutiny! First time I take it? AZ I need a distraction. Set off an alarm in the far wing”

The droid complied while reassuring itself about saving the patient. An alarm blared letting them know it had worked.

“Great. Now I need you to do a brain scan. Level 5. There’s something there they aren’t looking for.”

“You can’t. He’ll die. You need to wait a few hours after the hyper tests”

The ARC groans in frustration. “We don’t have that long! We need the results now!”

“I thought the the objective of this exercise was to save his life, not end it!”

AZ looks between the two feuding clones before stepping in “actually, preforming the scan itself has a 76% survival rate. Most casualties occur once the scan if finished and any operations begin”

“76 is good odds. Preform the scan. I’m sure we’ll get something useful”

“Commencing level 5 atomic brain scan”

The guard doesn’t watch, attention much more focused on the door. This is much too open. He grabs a blaster off the ground and steps outside. closing the door behind him. He can trust that ARC to help that clone.

He stands guard, but more than that he takes a step outside. He’s got no idea what he’s doing, and it’s very wrong. But standing outside the door he can just go back to what he was before, even if it’s fake and just for a little bit. It’s enough.

[ameliasnormandy]

The Nightmare of the Bronze Sector A Warehouse 13 Fanfic

It wasn’t like I never expected to be found. There are, of course, moments, especially early into my escape, that I was sure I was going to die. Well, maybe not die. I wish they would kill me, but what I don’t wish for is to be…

………………..

              “The bronze sector,” Artie said, walking closer to it. He wasn’t sure if he could blame it for what happened or not. It was easier for him to do that than to think about the fact that it was his fault because it was, or at least he felt that it was. He thought of a lot of people that he could blame for what happened.

              He didn’t know much about what happened after that moment or even before. He no longer knew much about that time. About the girl, they were looking for. Why they were looking for her was clear. That much he did know. He knew what she had. They needed that. They needed what she had if they were ever going to figure out how to fix the warehouse. Yes, something was going on with the warehouse, and though everyone had tried to figure out a way to fix it, there had been no answer.

              He walked past the statutes and wondered how he would have felt if she had been one of them.

……………….

              The bronze sector. That place sucks if they are willing to listen to my opinion on it. Not that they have ever taken my opinion on the subject. They have barely taken my opinion about anything. Just a few things. A few small things. The bronze sector sucks, though. It really does. I have tried to live forgetting the bronze sector. I have always found it inhumane, and I thought that the best option was to take them out and pull them out of being bronzed and then shoot them in the head. Let them have a death. Being bronzed forever wasn’t human. It was monstrous. It was a true life sentence. The people they bronzed remembered it all, saw it all. How is that human? They still could feel emotions. “If something should happen to me, I want you to shoot me in the head. Get it over with quickly. Please, whatever you do, don’t bronze me.” Those words now taunt me and haunt me, and they make me feel as if he never really cared. No one did.

………………….

              “Have the doctors been helpful with you?” Pete asked.

              “A little. They all have the same story, though, so none of it is really helpful,” Mikah said, looking around the hospital.

              “The people were already sick and dying. They are told that they only have a short time left. They die here. Clinically dead for an hour, maybe two, and then they just get up and start walking away?” Pete said, summarizing what they already knew to be true.

              “Yes, that is what everyone has said. Nurses. Doctors.”

              “What do the patients have in common?”

              “All should have died of natural causes.”

              “Two by complications with the c. word?”

“Pete, you can say the word cancer that was nearly six years ago.”

“It still doesn’t feel right,” Pete said, taking a few steps away from her.  

“Pete, we have talked about this,” Mikah said, her voice broke just a little bit. She sounded slightly annoyed with what Pete was doing. “And one by a heart attack.” Mikah finished the thought that Pete had had. It seemed easier than arguing with him. She looked around the hospital. “It also seems that these people were all above the age of 76.”

              “Above the age of 76?” Pete asked. “That is the thing that I don’t understand. I looked into people dying of natural causes below that age, and there were a lot of them, but none of them were raised from the dead. What makes these people special?”

              “The artifact could only work on people that age,” Mikah suggested.

              “What artifact could do that?”

              “That’s the thing that I don’t understand. I don’t know an artifact that would focus on age versus everything else.”

              “There has to be something we are missing,” Pete said.

……………….

              It’s always hard when you feel like something is missing. There are times when I have felt that feeling. The feeling of understanding that we are missing something. It’s something that we all must not take for granted. The feeling of understanding that no matter how much we try, we might miss something. I hate that feeling. I missed something once. I missed something big. I missed something that caused problems. It all mattered. In the end, the feeling that I was missing something mattered more than anything else. In the end, my mistakes were partially to blame for the incident that occurred after the fact.

…………………

              Artie paced around a few more times, for a few more minutes rambling to himself, the most important and most used phrase being, “This is going to be bad.” He saw his Farnsworth going off. “What?” he screamed into it.

              “Someone’s upset,” Pete said, looking at Artie.

              “I am not upset,” Artie screams.

              “Could have fooled us,” Pete said, looking over at Mikah.

              Mikah didn’t really pay attention to Pete. “We could really use some information on what is going on.”

              “I haven’t found anything.”

              “It’s definitely an artifact, but I have a feeling that the artifact has to come in contact with the person while they are still alive,” Mikah said, looking over at Pete.

              Artie froze for a second. That little bit of information that Mikah gave him an idea of what he had been looking for. “That’s it.”

              “What you think that I am on to something?” Mikah asked him.

              “Probably. Look, I have to go. You guys got this. Just keep looking.” And with that, Artie hung up the Farnsworth. “Something that came in contact with them while they were alive.” Artie started walking to the dead person's room vault.

…………………

              The dead person vault. It’s creepy. It’s meant to store the rooms of all the people who died in dangerous unforeseen ways at the warehouse. None of the stuff gets to go back to our loved ones and the people we cared about. No. Not at all. If someone dies and they can’t explain it, then it all gets to stay at the warehouse. How is that fair? How do they get to keep our stuff? It shouldn’t matter how we die, just that we die. We should still get to make our own choices. And there still is several things that make me feel weird thinking about that place. Is it shrine held to those that have come before? It is a reminder that people have failed around us? Is it just a museum filled with the dead? What is the reason that it’s there?

              When I was still with the warehouse, I had often asked that question but never got the answer that I thought that I deserved, and now that I don’t know, now that I never will know, the question haunts me. It taunts me.

Just like the warehouse itself.

…………………

              Artie walked into the dead vault rooms. He typed in the numbers. The date of leaving. 01/01/2007.

…………………..

              I’m not the only one that had to leave that day. Actually, only two of us that stayed at the warehouse full time got to stay. Artie and Lena. That was it. That was all that was left in the end. A massive spring cleaning, just before the spring. That’s what we were. We were last year. Last season. And now, the only thing that mattered was that we weren’t there anymore.

              The only thing that I had to realize was that we were no longer important. We were no longer the ones that haunt those halls. We were no longer the ones that controlled those halls. The stacks. The ones that I believed would forever be controlled by us were no longer controlled by us. We were no longer its keepers. We were no longer the ones that were allowed to keep it. We were no longer the ones that protected the artifacts. We were no longer the ones that the world would never know but would always need. We were no longer the ones that stopped constant destruction. We were no longer the ones that held the world in our hands.

              The problem was that I didn’t know what that meant. I had believed that I could be normal, that I deserved the right to be normal. I believed, if nothing else, that I had a right to be considered normal, even for just a few moments. I had the right to live the normal life that had been taken from me. That was all that I thought that I deserved. It was small, I know, but the truth was that was all that I needed it to be, something small.

[lostsoulaltair]

Owari no Seraph - Chapter 91: Deep analysis

Well, hello guys, another month, a new chapter to read from Kagami-sensei.

As usual, let’s start with a deep analysis of the events that happened in the chapter; warning: if you haven’t read the chapter, avoid reading this!!

To begin with, we start with a postwar between the JIDA and the Hyakuya Sect; Kureto managed to keep things under control and of course, he’s ready to interrogate members of the Hyakuya sect hence why he’s ordering to capture them.

As we know, Kureto has been carrying a heavy responsibility; he started on getting ready to be a heir in case Mahiru died; he received strick training but once the catastrophe hit the world; he started to create a strategy plan in order to take down his father Tenri Hiragi; after that, as we’ve seen, he’s been focusing on taking care of humanity; he’s been training his soldiers, giving them weapons to defend and protect the other humans inside; even if his methods aren’t ethical ones.

Next we have Crowley and Ferid engaging in a friendly conversation; we see them saving a JIDA soldier but at the same time, why does Ferid seem to have an odd attitude?

To begin with, Ferid is aware his sire is there, that his sire that stopped paying mind to him left in order to search for a better option, for a new Michaela but; beneath that, Ferid wanted to prove why he was talented, why he was a worthy son or sired one.

Then we see them joke and talk about the past on how Crowley’s army was slayed by Ferid. Along this, Ferid states he wishes to be killed which is something he’s been talking about since chapter 76 but why?

Ferid lost hist mortality long ago thanks to Rigr’s ambitions, and yet, Rigr never taught something important to Ferid once he became a vampire: a reason to live.

Ferid despite being cold in terms of actions, he has reasoning, logical reasoning despite merciless actions; up to the current date, he wonders this:

Why is he alive?

Was there other purpose to be a vampire?

What’s his reason to live?

Why does he exist?

Moving on, we finally spot Rigr, he’s badly injured and of course in less than few seconds he’s found by Ferid and Crowley.and then, Rigr asks Ferid: what’s the purpose of Ferid? what’s the reason why Ferid elaborated a plan in order to kill him?

Ferid replies that it’s the father’s duty to teach that to the son, and then Ferid asks Crowley the same; and despite this, Ferid states he’s been teaching Crowley the reason.

These questions seem like oblivious or more like lacking sense or what most of us call it: “Daddy Issues”. But, at the same time, there’s depth, there’s reason, there’s logic and most of all, they explain more about Ferid’s character and demanor; how is that possible? Well, let’s explain it:

To begin with, Ferid was born as a 2nd hair to the throne; many would suspect that to those ages,centuries a boy would be proud or happy to be in a rich family; but, within the chapter, we see a young Ferid literally killing his family

Many would state that Ferid was insane, crazy, even Rigr stated he was abnormal; but, even with this behavior, Ferid’s life was filled with sadness and disappointment.

Ferid stated that he received strict upbrining, they were teaching him to be a “saint”. 

To start of with this, it’s clear that Ferid meant that despite being within a royal family, the treatment he received wasn’t the same for the main head or the one who was going to rule; he was raised differently despite the luxurious lifestyle implied; within this we can relate a lot to the Hiragi family, royal families had several kids in order to protect the future of their family ties; in order to keep the power despite going in a full cycle of life and death.

And thus, we jump straight to what Ferid always had: An empty life; his life was filled with expectations and being a replacement in case the first heir died; a lfie without meaning, a life without purpose, a life on which there was no personal reason to exist. 

And of course, his twisted form to rebel against this was eliminating his “written on stone like future”.

Despite these actions, Rigr decided to take him and “make” him a Michaela, someone close to take the role; Rigr waited until Ferid grew up in order to turn him into a vampire and despite Urd’s objections, Ferid became a vampire and thus a failed Michaela.

Now, how does Ferid’s family relate to Rigr?

To begin with, Ferid as a human beign expected to take that new role, the fact that Rigr called him his Michaela might have caused Ferid to think of a better future and, the moment Rigr discarted him; this was mostly of what he experienced on his life as a human: where’s the reason to live? Was there a reason left when someone becomes a vampire?

Likewise, that’s the main reason he answered Crowley about how he has endlessly taught him about life itself:

To fight

To find a reason to live even if it’s revenge which is something Crowley experienced at first until those feelings eventually died with centuries

Despite having inmortality, there’s no joy in it if there’s not a single reason to keep living

Even though, within this, there’s also agony and dispair because even if events tragic events occurr, the world moves on; it eventually forgets about the past and remains the same; there’s not a remote change within the mindset of humanity and thus, that also applies to vampires as well.

Now, moving on to Rigr; Rigr plans and thinks about possible ways to escape but knowing his body won’t heal fast due to the effects of the cursed gear; Urd appears, asks him if he needs help; and this also clarifies something, but what?

The vampires despite knowing Rigr’s plans, are willing to take him not to save but rather to interrogate him, to learn more about the truth hidden with blood and lies.

What do you think guys? Do you think there’s more to it within the chapter? Let me know!!!

P.S: Analysis are held within a neutral view towards characters; ships are excluded

[jaeminscoffee]

NCT prompt list 🍒

Send in a number and a member,

Also specify the genre.

What i write - Fluff, Angst, Crack, Smut [with an open ending]

What i don’t write - Abuse, Pleasure in pain unless that’s a kink, we’re all hoes, face it.

Whom i write for- NCT, all 21 members, if this prompt succeeds, i might start writing for other groups too :D

All dialogues can be applied to any genre that you request!

Numbers can repeat, it doesn’t matter :)

While requesting for smut, please make sure to specify what type of smut you want it to be, if there’s any kink that needs to be involved and if you have a plot in mind to go with the smut, don’t hesitate to send that in either!

Here are the prompts!

1. “Get some sleep, we can talk about it tomorrow.”

2. “Oh i’m so going to get you back”

3.” Jesus can you quit it?”

4.”I kind of, sort of, maybe feel like i might ___”

5.”Wait is that my ___?”

6.”Want to go get some fries?”

7. “___ has accepted your follow request!”

8. “Can you shut the fuck up, it’s 3 am”

9. “Should i be concerned?

10.”Does it ever stop hurting?”

11.” Hey, it’s rude to laugh at someone!”

12.” I will fist fight you if i have to”

13.” I will...uh make sure to enjoy the meal..? it looks um..appetizing”

14.” Can you please come get me?”

15.”You don’t have to be alone, you never were.”

16.”Of all places, you chose chuck-e-cheese to confess?”

17.”Crying doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human”

18.”Isn’t this, like illegal?” “Probably, who cares?”

19.”And you’re running away..once again”

20.” Friends is so far off from what you really are to me, Y/n”

21.”Criticism doesn’t always equal to jealousy, babe”

22.”Maybe it’s just a hug that i need right now”

23.”You might be cute, i’m cuter”

24.”Shit mom’s calling”

25.”Bro your dragon looks dope” “that’s my cat”

26.”You think i’m dumb enough to fall for the same move twice?”

27.” They can’t do anything to me. I have nothing left”

28.”Wanna cuddle? like, platonically. Hands down, no funny business”

29.”Just stop”

30.”That’s not the nicest thing to say to the guy who basically just saved your life”

31.”and so like that..-did you just steal candy from a child??”

32.”I almost died the last time.” “But you’re alive now come on”

33.”Alright first my hoodie, then my sweats, take my boxer next”

34.”How long have you been standing there for??”

35.”Don’t bother loving me until you love yourself”

36.”let’s just try getting along for once alright?”

37.”Kissing burns around 6.4 calories per minute, wanna try it out?” “did you just call me fat”

38.”OH MY GOD COCKROAC-” “That’s your hair dumbass”

39.”So do i wash the vegetables with washing detergent or plain water?”

40.”Urgh i feel ugly” “bitch what”

41.”I love you” “Did my mom pay you to say that”

42.”Hey Hey! watch where your legs are”

43.”I believe in you.”

44.”I can’t believe i just agreed on wearing your clothes”

45.”Never ever, think that i’ll leave you”

46.”You fought with them even after i warned you not to. What do you have to say for yourself?” “Oops?”

47.”Just stay like this a little longer”

48.”I wasn’t the bad guy the entire time. You framed me to calm yourself down and i don’t blame you”

49.”Hey! just cause i love you doesn’t give you the rights to steal my food!”

50.” The amount of love and adoration i have for you is terrifying and i’m now concerned”

51.”How in tartarus did you pass your driving test.”

52.”Cuddles?” “Cuddles.”

53. “It’s fine, it really is” “It isn’t”

54.”Stop being so nice all the time, it won’t make people love you more”

55.”Oh dude he/she’s flirting”

56.”I hate you.” “I hate me too”

57.”Maybe if you’d let me, i could be your safe space in this harsh world”

58.”Do you trust me?”

59.”I will deny you death until you beg me for it”

60. “Don’t ever try to get inside my head. It’s too dark for you”

61.”I wasn’t always the one being hunted, I used to be a hunter”

62.”I’m trying, all the time trust me. But it’s just too hard.”

63.”Are you flirting or starting a fight?”

64.”I wish i’d never met you.”

65.”Don’t scream. Don’t move.”

66.”you’re the closest thing i have to a girl/boy as a friend so”

67.”I don’t have a choice - I never had.”

68.”You drive me crazy.”

69.”Stop resisting babe, you asked for it.”

70.”Count, bitch”

71.”You gotta work for it babe”

72.”And you say you deserve a reward huh?”

73.”So that’s why”

74.”Keep moving princess”

75.”We aren’t done until i say so.”

76.”Do you have a valid reason for doing so?”

77.”Are you insane??” “That’s my middle name baby”

78.”Is this really what you want”

79.”You know the drill princess, one word, and i’ll stop.”

80.”You are such a fucking brat..”

81.”I see..But does he make you feel as good as i can?”

82.”That is, by far, the cutest shit i’ve seen my entire life”

83.”Try to stay quiet, understand?”

84.”Behave”

85.”What did you just say?”

86.”Oh darling, you are so in trouble.”

87. “Don’t leave any marks.”

88.”Tell me what you want.”

89.”I want you. Right here. Right now.”

90.”Get on your knees. Now”

91.”I don’t like repeating myself, baby.”

92.”Do i make you nervous?”

93.”Don’t make me take you home and punish you”

94.”This isn’t just a one night stand, You aren’t meant for a one night stand. You know that, right?”

95.”You’re so fucking addicting.”

96.”Don’t test my patience, princess.”

97.”Tsk, sensitive. Pathetic.”

98.”You make me feel things by doing the bare minimum and i’ll show you that.”

99.”This is what you wanted all the time, isn’t it?”

100.”I bet you think you’re real cute letting them put their hands all over you. We’ll see how cute you look later when i get you home.”

More to be added soon! ♡

[eddiemxnsons]

PROMPT/SITUATION LIST (1)

If interested, you can select one or more of these following prompts/situations to integrate into your Band of Brothers request!

PROMPTS !

(NOT ALL ARE MINE!)

BORDERLINE SEXUAL/FLIRT/NSFW

1. "I'm the captain of the girls Track and Field team and Cross Country team, but I can also be fast and dominating in other departments."

2. "Bite me", "If you insist"

3. "You're not very intimidating"

4. "Drop the attitude"

5. "We're just friends", "Friends don't nonchalantly do this sort of shit"

6. "Really? You want to have sex here...now?"

7. "Do you like that? Me being in control?"

8. "You wanted me to walk in on you"

9. "I dare you"

10. "Watch me"

11. "Don't test me"

12. "Don't be a smartass"

13. "Try to stay quiet for me. Can you do that?"

14. "Is that the best you can do?"

15. "Wanna bet?"

16. "Do not tempt me"

17. "We're in public, you know"

18. "Do you think they could hear us", "Yes we can"

19. "Quick, fucking hide in that closet"

20. "You're so fucking hot when you're mad"

21. "Hurry up"

22. "Wow, I didn't know your were that flexible"

SITUATIONS

1. Good morning kiss

2. In secret kiss

3. Against a wall kiss

4. Standing outside in the rain

5. Injury/death of character or reader

6. Going to meet his family/taking him to meet yours

7. Rainy morning spent in bed

8. Back hugs

9. Long embraces

10. Stroking their thumbs over the back of the other’s hand whilst holding hands

11. Softly stroking their cheek with their thumb

12. Jealous kisses

13. Distracting kisses

14.

ANGST/SOFT/GENERAL

1. "Fuck you"

2. "What's the point?"

3. "You're family, I could never

leave you behind"

4. "I've got you"

5. "I need you"

6. "I care about you"

7. "I'm just looking out for you"

8. "You make me feel alive. For the first time in awhile, it feels like I can truly breathe"

9. "I'd feel a lot better if you just let me walk you home"

10. "If I asked you to stay, would you?"

11. "I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm a damsel at doing damage"

12. "You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions"

13. "It wasn't your fault"

14. "You're wrong and I'll prove it"

15. "There's so much blood"

16. "I actually found it in the

recycling bin behind the building"

17. "I can't do anything right"

18. "Don't tell me to relax!"

19. "Quit touching me, your feet are cold!"

20. "You aren't the boss of me"

21. "What gives you the right?"

22. "How is this my fault?"

23. "I don't care"

24. "Control your anger or you'll have me to worry about"

25. "I can't see anything"

26. "Don't look"

27. "All I want is a happy ending"

28. "__! Open the door"

29. "You lied to me"

30. "Marry me"

31. "I'm not going anywhere"

32. "Take my hand"

33. "Let me help you"

34. "It's okay, I'm here"

35. "Hear that? I'm alive, I'm right here with you"

36. "Have you lost your damn mind?"

37. "What the fuck were you thinking? You could have been killed"

38. "You need to rest"

39. "I can't feel my legs"

40. "Lucky shot"

41. "You're not going to die on me"

42. "__! Take my hand!"

43. "Take me instead"

44. "Don't touch her/him"

45. "Let her/him go"

46. "You're jealous"

47. "Watch me"

48. "You're dead"

49. "Am I going to die?"

50. "We found you crying. What happened?"

51. "Nothing ever goes right"

52. "Where is he/she?"

53. "This is all your fault"

54. "Wake up"

55. "I would rather die"

56. "I feel so sick"

57. "It burns/hurts"

58. "God must hate me"

59. "You shouldn't have gone by yourself"

60. "Get out of my way"

61. "You don't need to worry about me"

62. "Is that blood?"

63. "I can't say I'm surprised"

64. "Isn't that illegal?"

65. "I'll be with you the whole time"

66. "I don't wanna hurt you"

67. "I keep seeing his/her face"

68. "I didn't want to make you do this"

69. "Did you do this to yourself?"

70. "You have the emotional capacity of a brick"

71. "Shut up for a second, would you?"

72. "Are you wearing my shirt?"

73. "I want to marry you"

74. "I saw that. You just checked me out"

75. "You look awful"

76. "What happened last night?"

77. "I want you to be happy"

78. "If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?"

79. "Do me a favor and break my nose"

80. "She/he is the star athlete"

81. "You owe me a drink"

82. "Please tell me you feel the same way"

83. "I'm in love with my best friend"

84. "You look stunning"

85. "You're so fucking amazing"

86. "You're burning up"

87. "I've got your back"

88. "I don't like the way they look at you"

89. "I took NyQuil instead of DayQuil on accident and am about to pass out"

90. "I totally let you win, I mean, look at who you're up against"

91. "Shit, that's a lot of blood"

92. "Don't give me that look"

93. "Am I scaring you?"

94. "Hey, you demon fuck"

95. "My thing is, I don't give a shit"

96. "You've always been trouble"

97. "God, you're pretty"

98. "Does it hurt?"

99. "I love it when you laugh"

100. "You shouldn't have done that"

101. "I'm here, baby"

102. "I'm seriously not that drunk"

103. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

104. "So I just realized...that I was shot"

105. "I don't necessarily hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it instead"

106. "You love him/her don't you?" "Was is that obvious?"

107. "Are you okay?"

108. "Don't just stand there"

109. "Stop it, you're bleeding"

110. "I waited for you for hours"

111. "Dance with me"

112. "You little shit"

113. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry"

114. "Put the gun down"

115. "The blood says otherwise"

116. "I'd kiss you but it presently seems inappropriate to do so"

117. "Then marry me"

118. "Let's be honest, we/you got lucky"

119. "You having fun down/up there?"

120. "You're safe"

121. "You don't have half a chance, bitch"

122. "I have a hole in my side", "Pardon?", "I got shot"

123. "Stay quiet and don't fucking move"

124. "You look good today"

125. "Stop being difficult"

126. "Yeah, yeah, you're cute, now stop with that with shit-eating grin"

127. "Tell me I'm wrong"

128. "I'm only here to establish an alibi"

129. "I need a favor — not the sexual kind"

130. "Why can't I see you?"

131. "Help is on the way. You just have to stay awake a little bit longer"

132. "Do you want to die?"

133. "I'm fully capable of kicking your ass"

134. “Can you shut up for once in your life?”

135. “You’re jealous”

136. “I’m telling you. I’m haunted”

137. “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion”

138. “It’s six o’ clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka”

139. “Okay, so maybe I didn’t see that coming”

140. “Excuse me?”

141. “Can I kiss you?”

142. “You really thought I was dead?”

143. “God, I love your face.”

144. “I love it when you’re a mess!”

145. “I just want you to be happy.”

146. “I can’t imagine my life without you”

147. “Stop being a fucking dick”

148. “You weren’t there...why weren’t you there”

149. “Do you think?”

150. “Now it’s over....I don’t really know what to do”

151. “Don’t look”

152. “I can’t see anything”

153. “What’s happening?”

154. “Get away from me!”

155. “Whatever you do, don’t open your eyes”

156. “Somebody help me/us, please”

157. “Thank you for staying with me”

158. “Your eyes are so pretty”

159. “Get over here, you doof”

160. “You’re so needy”

161. “Kiss me again”

162. “I don’t care”

163. “That isn’t an option”

164. “What did you just say to me?”

165. “Let go of me”

166. “You aren’t the boss of me”

167. “Do I make myself clear?”

168. “Excuse me?”

169. “How is this my fault?”

170. “Why are your eyes so red?”

171. “Are you afraid to die?”

172. “Want some company?”

173. “Are you warm enough?”

174. “What’s the point?”

175. “I’m not afraid to die, just wish I could live a little first”

176. “I trust you with my life”

177. “I need you to live”

178. “You make me want to live”

179. “You’re worth more than this”

180. “You’re bleeding”

181. “You’re allowed to be upset about what happened to you”

182. “Please, let me help you”

183. “You have me”

184. “Just rest”

185. “I’ve got you, you’re safe”

186. “Why kill them with kindness when you can kill them with fire?”

187. “I bet you can’t jump high enough to reach the ceiling”, “try me”

188. “__, wake up!” “I’m not asleep. I’m dead. Leave flowers and get out”

189. “You’ll have to forgive __, she/he has a heart condition. He doesn’t have one”

190. “But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?”

191. “It’s freezing, come here”

192. “Say it again”

193. “Kiss me again”

194. “You were always sure of yourself”

[jisatsu-tai]

“ do you ever get scared ?” (Junkrat ➝ Jack) @weroyals​

“No.”

                    And that was a lie, he got scared he wasn’t going to finish this blood mission that he took up. Finding Gabriel and putting an end to all of it. He was scared the kids would get dragged into it before he could fix it.

                      “I’ve seen too much to be scared.”

[1985keery]

✰ prompt list ✰

Hey!!!! So I love to write so I made a prompt list! If you want me to do a certain one, just message me this number(s) and person!! i do

- that 70s show

- stranger things

- jim halpert

- bbc sherlock

- + more!!!

anyway here are the prompts lol:

1. "I love that color on you"

2. "What could possibly go wrong"

3. "You haven't been yourself lately"

4. "My boyfriend is a basic white girl"

5. "Maybe I'm meant to be alone"

6. "Stop acting like you care!"

7. "What happened to you!"

8. "You don't sing anymore"

9. “It's 4 in the fucking morning"

10. "I'm dying!" "It's a sprained ankle"

11, "You promised me - you promised!"

12. "You don't know me at all"

13. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO CUTE"

14. "I love you" "Why"

15. "You're so cheesy"

16. "I wish you could see yourself as I see you"

17. "Is that my skirt?"

18. "I see how you look at him"

19. *Cackling* "Stop, I'm gonna pee!"

20."Ya know what, I'm not even gonna ask"

21. "Your breath smells good"

22. "How would you know what that taste like?"

23. "Of course you were in marching band"

24. "You're mine, and I don't share"

25. "Okay, that one hurt, but I'll let it slide"

26. "You're so cute! Take your pants off"

27. "My work is important!" "And I'm not?"

28. "You'll catch me right?" "Always"

29. "We are not naming our child that"

30. "Stay here and don't move, I'll be right back"

31. "I don't even know who you are anymore!"

32. "It's not what it looks like"

33. "Take one more step and I snap her pretty little neck"

34. "Hey hey hey, I'm here, you're okay, you're safe"

35. "Please stop crying, it breaks my heart"

36. "Get down from there!"

37. "Don't be afraid, I'm here"

38. "Can you just hold me?"

39. "It was you and me against the world. The world won"

40. "Whatever you do, don't make a sound"

41. " I was angry, and she was available, and I'm so sorry"

42. "Stop it - you're scaring me"

43. "Do you still like me" "I married you"

44. "Man, you're whipped"

45. "You loved her. You loved her and it scared you and now she's gone"

46. "Psst, wake up"

47. "What are you gonna do about it"

48. "Shut up" "Make me"

49. "Just one more kiss"

50. "I have to go to work" "Nooooooooo"

51."Behave - we're in public"

52. "I don't want your pity"

53. "Are you okay" "Yeah" "You're bleeding" "Okay maybe I lied"

54. "That's what she said"

55. "Go upstairs and lock the door, okay? Don't come out unless I tell you"

56. "What the hell is that supposed to mean"

57. "You make my heart happy"

58. "I'm obsessed with that dimple"

59. "I think I've loved you since that first day"

60. "No takesies- backsies"

61. "You taste good"

62. "You are love in it's best form"

63. "Oh my sweet girl/boy, what have they done to you"

64. "You can't die on me, do you understand, you can't"

65. "Her angel eyes see the good in many devils"

66."This is illegal" "Yep"

67. "Well tell them to fuck off" "But that's mean!"

68. "You're so immature" "Your moms so immature"

69."You look so good tonight, baby"

70. "The worlds biggest badass can't handle a book where the dog dies"

71."We have each other, and that's enough"

72. "If you wanted a kiss you could've just asked"

73. "Stop biting your lip"

74. "You knew how important this was to me"

75. "I'm out of second chances"

76. "I can do whatever I want, we're not dating, remember?"

77. "I'm just one of your many booty calls"

78. "I would give you the world if I could"

79. "Ew, I look gross"

80. "I don't want you to get sick!"

81. "People are staring at us"

82. "I'll always be here, no matter what"

83. "You can get closer, you know"

84. "Can you sit still"

85. "You have the mentality of a toddler"

89. "You p-promised you-you-you wouldn't let them h-hurt mmmm me"

90. "That's my girl"

91. "I'm fine" "Don't do this" "Really, I'm fine" "Let me help you!"

92. "Stop cursing" "Fuck you"

93. "You're cute when you blush"

94."Are - are you jealous?"

95. "What are you doing?" "My best"

96. "Puppy dog eyes don't work on- Fine"

97. "Are you okay?" "I wanna be"

98. "I won this for you"

99. "It's watching me" "What is" "That plushie"

100. "I'm coming to get you, okay? Just stay there"

101. "If we get out of here alive, I'm gonna kill you"

102. "Come in, lunch is ready"

103. "I'm gonna try to lose a few pounds" "Please don't your stomach is the comfiest pillow"

104. "I've been waiting for you for over 6 hours"

105. "Hey, weird question, but why is the kitchen on fire?"

106. "Mmm nope, it's naptime"

107. "Did you eat my leftovers?"

108. "Wow! I was not prepared for that"

109. *Sees a moose* "That's a weird looking cow"

110. "Hello, my love" "What's up fucker"

111. "Don't make me be alone again"

112. "Oh, my apologies, I didn't realize you ruled the world"

113. "You get super clingy when you're drunk"

114. "I can't believe you fell for that"

115. "What the hell is that?" "That's my new best friend"

116. "I hate that I'm still in love with you"

117. "You are gorgeous, love, don't ever doubt that"

118. "I never wanna let you go"

119. "You make me feel all warm inside"

120. "Just go to sleep darling, I'll be right here when you wake up"

121. "C'mere, you can sit on my lap until I'm done working"

122. "You're the best pillow"

123. "Stop messing with your IV"

124. "I thought you were gone" "You can't get rid of me that easily"

125. "It should've been me"

126. "Kiss me"

127. "Open this door before I break it down"

128. "Were you ever gonna tell me?"

129. "I saw that. You just checked me out"

130. "Nothing could make me stop loving you"

131. "I'm not special. I'm quite boring, really"

132. "Feels good, huh?"

133. "You're an angel"

134. "Did you just smack my butt with a rubber chicken?"

135. "Do you think we should just stop... this"

136. "Do you really believe that"

137. "It'd make sense why you like her more than me. I mean, she's smarter, prettier, funnier, she's perfect"

138. "Do you miss him?" "He absolutely shattered me" "But do you miss him?" "Yes"

139. "I want an answer, damn it!"

140. "Do you regret it?"

141. "This is why we can't have nice things"

142. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

143. "You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry?"

144. "You don't have to hide anymore"

145. "You never cease to amaze me"

146. "See you in the next life, my love"

147. "Are you even listening to me right now?!"

148. "I can't do this anymore"

149. "This was a mistake"

150. "Shut up! Just - Just shut up!"

151. "You deserve so much better"

152. "Whose ass do I have to kick?"

153. "I worked so hard to be where I am now and I'm not gonna let someone take that away from me"

154. "Pack your shit and go"

155. "You'll be the death of me"

156. "I don't need protecting"

157. "I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten"

158. "Go then, leave! See if I care!'

159.  "If you haven't noticed, I'm fucked up"

160. "You reek of alcohol"

161. "Don't talk, keep your strength"

162. "I broke my rules for you"

163. "She may seem like rainbows and sunshine, but I bet behind closed doors she's latex and whips"

164. "How bad do you want to find out?"

165. "You look great in my shirt"

166. "You'll regret this when you're sober"

167. "You look cute with bed head"

168."Mmmm, you're warm"

169. "It was only a nightmare"

170. "It's not bad to cry.  In fact, I think it makes a person stronger"

[way-down-meme-town]

Hadestown Act I Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 212 lyrics from the first act of the musical Hadestown to use for your enjoyment!

Road To Hell 1. “Once upon a time there was a railroad line.”

2. “Don’t ask where, brother, don’t ask when.”

3. “It was the road to Hell. It was hard times.”

4. “It was a world of gods and men.”

5. “It’s an old song. It’s an old tale from way back when.”

6. “It’s an old song and we’re gonna sing it again.”

7. “We got some gods in the house tonight!”

8. “See, on the road to Hell there was a railroad line.”

9. “They was always singin’ in the back of your mind.”

10. “Everybody, meet the Fates.”

11. “If you ride that train to the end of the line where the sun don’t shine and it’s always shady, it’s there you’ll find the king of the mine.”

12. “Someone’s got to tell the tale whether or not it turns out well.”

13. “Not everyone gets to be a god.”

14. “Don’t forget that times are hard.”

15. “This boy was a muse’s son.”

16. “You might say the boy was touched, ‘cause he was touched by the gods themselves.”

17. “There was one more soul on this road.”

18. “Girl, come on in from the cold.”

19. “Thus begins the tale of Orpheus and Eurdyice.”

20. “It’s a tale of love from long ago.”

  Any Way The Wind Blows 21. “She was no stranger to the world, no stranger to the wind.”

22. “The weather ain’t the way it was before. Ain’t no spring or fall anymore.”

23. “There ain’t a thing that you can do when the weather takes a turn on you, ‘cept for hurry up and hit the road.”

24. “People turn on you just like the wind.”

25. “Everybody is a fair weather friend. In the end, you’re better off alone.”

26. “When you’re hungry and there ain’t enough to go around, ain’t no length to which a girl won’t go.”

27. “Sometimes you think you would do anything to fill your belly full of food.”

28. “You know how those muses are, sometimes they abandon you.”

29. “This poor boy, he wore his heart out on his sleeve.”

30. “You might say he was naive to the ways of the world.”

31. “I liked to hear him sing and his way of seeing things, so I took him underneath my wing.”

  Come Home With Me 32. “You wanna talk to her?”

33. “Don’t come on too strong.”

34. “Come home with me.”

35. “Is he always like this?”

36. “Your name is like a melody.”

37. “A singer? Is that what you are?”

38. “Oh, a liar and a player too? I’ve met too many men like you.”

39. “He’s not like any man you’ve met.”

40. “I’m working on a song, a song. It isn’t finished yet, but when it’s done and when I sing it, spring will come again.”

41. “Spring will come.”

42. “I haven’t seen a spring or fall since…I can’t recall.”

43. “That’s what I’m working on, a song to fix what’s wrong. Take what’s broken, make it whole.”

44. “Oh, he’s crazy. Why would I become his wife?”

45. “He’ll make you feel alive.”

  Wedding Song 46. “Lover, tell me if you can, who’s gonna buy the wedding bands?”

47. “Times being what they are, hard and getting harder all the time.”

48. “Lover, when I sing my song, all the rivers’ll sing along.”

49. “The rivers gonna give us the wedding bands.”

50. “Lover, tell me if you can, who’s gonna lay the wedding table?”

51. “Times being what they are, dark and getting darker all the time.”

52. “Lover, when I sing my song all the trees gonna sing along.”

53. “The trees gonna lay the wedding table.”

54. “So when you sing your song, the one you’re working on, spring will come again?”

55. “You wanna take me home? Sing the song.”

56. “Lover, tell me when we’re wed, who’s gonna make the wedding bed?”

57. “Lover, when I sing my song, all the birds gonna sing along.”

  Epic I 58. “Where’d you get that melody?”

59. “It came to me as if I’d known it all along.”

60. “It’s an old song, a song of love from long ago. Long time since I heard it though.”

61. “You’ve heard that melody before?”

62. “Remember the tale I told you once about the gods?”

63. “Remember how it used to be? Their love made the world go round.”

64. “Hades was king of the underworld, but he fell in love with a beautiful lady who walked up above in her mothers green field.”

65. “He took her home to become his queen where the sun never shone on anyone.”

66. “The Gods sang his song of love and the world sang it with them.”

67. “That was long ago, before we were on this road.”

  Livin It Up On Top 68. “On the road to hell there was a lot of waiting.”

69. “These days she never stays for long, but good things come to those who wait.”

70. “Well it’s like he said, I’m an outdoor girl.”

71. “She forgot a little thing called spring.”

72. “Are you wondering where I’ve been?”

73. “Been to hell and back again.”

74. “Like my mama always said: when you’re down, you’re down and when you’re up, you’re up.”

75. “If you ain’t six feet underground, you’re living it up on top.”

76. “Let’s not talk about hard times. Pour the wine, it’s summertime!”

77. “Who makes the summer sun shine bright?”

78. “Who makes the fruit of the vine get ripe?”

79. “Who makes the flowers bloom again, in spite of a man?”

80. “Let me tell you something that my mama said to me: you take what you can get and you make the most of it.”

81. “It was summertime on the road to hell.”

82. “You might say it was in spite of herself.”

83. “For a moment there, the world came back to life.”

84. “Let the poet bless this round.”

85. “To the patroness of all of this, Persephone, who has finally returned to us with wine enough to share.”

86. “If no one takes too much, there will always be enough.”

87. “She will always fill our cups and we will always raise them up to the world we dream about, and the one we live in now.”

88. “Livin’ it up and we ain’t gonna stop.”

  All I’ve Ever Known (Intro) 89. “He had a gift to give. He could make you see how the world could be in spite of the way that it is.”

90. “She’d seen how the world was. When she fell, she fell in spite of herself.”

  All I’ve Ever Known 91. “I was alone so long I didn’t even know that I was lonely.”

92. “Out in the cold so long I didn’t even know that I was cold.”

93. “All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own.”

94. “All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, but now I wanna hold you too.”

95. “You take me in your arms and suddenly there’s sunlight all around me.”

96. “I don’t wanna go back to the lonely life.”

97. “I don’t know how or why or who I am that I should get to hold you.”

98. “When I saw you all alone against the sky, it’s like I’d known you all along.”

99. “I know you before we met and I don’t even know you yet, all I know is you’re someone I have always known.”

100. “Now I wanna hold you close. I don’t wanna ever have to let you go.”

101. “Say that you’ll hold me forever. Say that the wind won’t change on us.”

102. “Say that we’ll stay with each other and it will always be like this.”

103. “The wind will never change on us as long as we stay with each other.”

  Way Down Hadestown 104. “That was not six months!”

105. “Better go and get your suitcase packed. Guess it’s time to go.”

106. “She’s gonna ride that train til the end of the line.”

107. “Did you ever wonder what it’s like on the underside?”

108. “You either get to hell or to Hadestown, ain’t no difference anymore.”

109. “Everybody tryin’ to get a ticket to go, but those who go they don’t come back.”

110. “Down there it’s a bunch of stiffs. Brother, I’ll be board to death.”

111. “Takes a lot of medicine to make it through the winter time.”

112. “All them shiny little heads and tails, where do you think they come from?”

113. “Everybody shines by the sweat of his brow.”

114. “The wage is nothing and the work is hard.”

115. “It’s a graveyard in Hadestown.”

116. “Mr. Hades is a mean old boss!”

117. “An eye for an eye! A lie for a lie!”

118. “You better forget about your wishing well.”

119. “I missed ya.”

120. “Mr. Hades is a mighty king.”

121. “Must be making some might big deals. Seems like he owns everything.”

122. “Kind of makes you wonder how it feels.”

  A Gathering Storm 123. “He came too soon. He came for her too soon. It’s not supposed to be like this.”

124. “Well, til someone brings the world back into tune this is how it is.”

125. “Touched by the gods is what he is.”

126. “Finish it quick. The wind is changing. There’s a storm coming on.”

  Epic II 127. “Hades is king of oil and coal and the riches that flow where the rivers are found.”

128. “His loneliness moves in him crude and black.”

129. “He thinks of his wife in the arms of the sun.”

130. “Jealousy fuels him and finds him and fills him.”

  Chant 131. “Low. Keep your head low.”

132. “You gotta keep your heard low if you wanna keep your head.”

133. “In the coldest time of year, why is it so hot down here?”

134. “Lover, you were gone so long. Lover, I was lonesome.”

135. “When you feel that fire, think of it as my desire.”

136. “I am keeping one eye on the sky and tryin’ to trust that the song he’s working on is gonna shelter us from the wind.”

137. “In the darkest time of year, why is it so bright down here?”

138. “When you see that glare, think of it as my despair.”

139. “His black gold flows in the world down below and her dark clouds roll in the one above.”

140. “That’s why times are so hard. It’s because of the gods.”

141. “The gods have forgotten the song of their love.”

142. “I’m trying to believe that the song he’s working on is gonna harbor me from the wind.”

143. “Did you think I’d be impressed with this neon necropolis?”

144. “Everything I do, I do it for the love of you.”

145. “If you don’t even want my love, I’ll give it so someone who does. Someone grateful for her fate, someone who appreciates the comforts of a gilded cage.”

146. “Think of them as my embrace of you.”

  Hey Little Songbird 147. “Hey little songbird, give me a song.”

148. “I’m a busy man and I can’t stay long. I got clients to call. I got orders to fill.”

149. “I got walls to build. I got riots to quell.”

150. “They’re giving me hell back in Hades.”

151. “Hey, little songbird, cat got your tongue?”

152. “Always a pity for one so pretty and young when poverty comes to clip your wings and knock the wind right out of your lungs.”

153. “Nobody sings on empty.”

154. “Strange is the call of this strange man.”

155. “You’d shine like a diamond dark in the mine.”

156. “The choice is yours if you’re willing to choose, seeing as you’ve got nothing to lose.”

157. “Wasn’t it gonna be the two of us? Weren’t we birds of a feather?”

158. “Let me guess. He’s some kind of poet and he’s penniless.”

159. “Give him your hand, he’ll give you his hand-to-mouth.”

160. “He’ll write you a poem when the power is out.”

161. “See how the vipers and vultures surround you. They’ll take you down, they’ll pick you clean.”

162. “People get mean when the chips are down.”

  When The Chips Are Down 163. “Life ain’t easy. Life ain’t fair. A girls gotta fight for he rightful share.”

164. “What you gonna do when the chips are down?”

165. “Help yourself, to hell with the rest. Even the one who loves you best.”

166. “Take it if you can, give if you must. Ain’t nobody but yourself to trust.”

167. “Aim for the heart, shoot to kill. If you don’t do it then the other one will.”

168. “The first shall be first and the last shall be last.”

169. “Cast your eyes to heaven, you get a knife in the back.”

170. “Nobody’s innocent now that the chips are down.”

  Gone, I’m Gone 171. “My heart is yours, always was and will be. It’s my gut I can’t ignore.”

172. “My heart it aches to stay, but the flesh will have its way.”

173. “The way is dark and long. I’m already gone.”

174. “Go ahead and lay the blame. Talk of virtue, talk of sin.”

175. “Wouldn’t you have done the same in her shoes, in her skin?”

176. “You can have your principles when you’ve got a belly full, but hunger has a way with you.”

177. “There’s no telling what you’re gonna do when the chips are down.”

  Wait For Me (Intro) 178. “Hey, the big artiste! Ain’t you working on your masterpiece?”

179. “What do you care? You’ll find another muse somewhere.”

180. “Wherever she is is where I’ll go.”

181. “What if I said she’s down below?”

182. “She called your name before she went, but I guess you weren’t listening.”

183. “Just how far would you go for her?”

184. “Course there is another way, but nah, I ain’t supposed to say.”

185. “It ain’t for the sensitive of soul. So do you really wanna go?”

186. “With all your heart? Well, that’s a start.”

  Wait For Me 187. “You have to take the long way down, through the underground under cover of night.”

188. “Ain’t no compass, ain’t no map. Just a telephone wire and a railroad track.”

189. “Wait for me, I’m comin’.”

190. “If all you got is your own two legs, just be glad you got ‘em.”

191. “Who are you to think that you can walk a road that no one ever walked before?”

192. “You’re on the lam, you’re on the run. Don’t give your name, you don’t have one.”

193. “Don’t look no one in the eye.”

194. “That town’ll try to suck you dry.”

195. “They’ll pluck the heart right out your chest.”

196. “I hear the walls repeating the falling of my feet and it sounds like drumming.”

197. “I hear the rocks and stone echoing my song.”

  Why We Build The Wall 198. “Why do we build the wall my children, my children?”

199. “We build the wall to keep us free.”

200. “That’s why we build the wall, we build the wall to keep us free.”

201. “How does the wall keep us free my children, my children?”

202. “How does the wall keep us free?”

203. “How does the wall keep us free? The wall keeps out the enemy.”

204. “Who do we call the enemy my children, my children?”

205. “Who do we call the enemy?”

206. “Who do we call the enemy? The enemy is poverty and the wall keeps out the enemy.”

207. “We have and they have not my children, my children. They want what we have got.”

208. “What do we have that they should want my children, my children?”

209. “What do we have that they should want? We have a wall to work upon.”

210. “Our work is never done my children, my children.”

  Why We Build The Wall (Outro) 211. “There are papers to be signed. Step into my office.”

212. “A lot can happen behind closed doors. That’s for sure, that’s a fact.”

[recurring-polynya]

I try to make this Tumblr a place for my truest friends, those nice people who read my fanfiction, to get bonus content. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, on a wave of inspiration. It’s an expansion of an event that came up in Between Tides – Renji breaking his arm back in Inuzuri. This will eventually be a flashback in a larger story, but not for a while, so this is sort of like a preview. (mmmaybe The Heart is a Muscle p6? I am mid-p4 now).

Anyway, here’s a sad story about Inuzuri, dirtbag teens in love, and back-alley surgery. I heard you like flashbacks, dawg, so I put some flashbacks inside of the flashbacks.

Rated T for some gruesome imagery and one cuss. You don’t have to have read any of my previous work, although I guess this contains some mild spoilers for the Heart is a Muscle.

As usual, @diademchiofthetripod made it better for me, particularly the beginning, but if there are parts that are still bad, those are mine.

In later years, when she recalled The Accident (which she usually tried not to), Rukia always thought of herself as the stupid one, but really, she wasn’t doing anything much stupider than usual. 

She saw the man’s lead pipe, of course; dull and heavy, hanging by his side.  It was a serious weapon in Inuzuri, and he was a large man with a mean face, but he was also sloppy drunk, and his money pouch was beyond tempting, only loosely tied to his belt. She had made it ten paces away, nearly across the street, when she felt the hand clamp onto her arm like an iron band. What she had failed to notice was that her mark had a partner.

Said partner had one hand tight on her neck, the other twisting her own hands painfully behind her back, while the mark tapped the pipe in his hand and slurred out all the things he was going to do to her after he split her head like a melon. Rukia was running numbers, examining possibilities, playing out scenarios for escaping. 

It was not looking good.

The man raised the pipe.

Rukia squeezed her eyes shut.

It was the worst sound she had ever heard in her life to date, a meaty crunch, the shattering of bone. Later in her life, there would be worse sounds, the sound of a sword sliding through flesh, the sound of an Arrancar’s Resurrección. But this was bad enough.

Rukia also had a partner, a loud boy with a stupid amount of red hair, who had just interposed himself between Rukia and the lead pipe. Wait. That was incorrect. He was not a boy any more. This was, in fact, the exact moment when she stopped thinking of him as a boy. He towered over almost everyone she knew in this town, this awful place where everyone and thing was stunted and twisted. His shoulders were wide and strong, despite never getting enough to eat. He had not been a boy for a while.

 Right now, the air around him boiled. The lead pipe was bent ridiculously over his forearm. Rukia could not see her rescuer’s face, only his broad back, and past his shoulder, the wide eyes of the man with the leadpipe. Then, Renji growled out what the terrified man could do with himself, and clocked him in the face with a left cross before whirling on Rukia’s captor. 

The partner was startled by the arrival of this flame-haired monster, and Rukia slipped his grip, kicked the man in the nards, and beat it. She was not abandoning her partner, she would never. This was standard protocol. They had stayed alive in this brutish place for over eight years by being small and quiet and very, very quick. They would need some new strategies, Rukia, realized, because Renji was no longer small and quiet. He was still quick though, she could hear his heavy footfalls behind her, feel his presence in her wake in a way that, as far as she knew, only the two of them could do. She was glad he had stuck to the old standard operating procedures, too, even though he now very well qualified as one of the brute class.

She ducked between some decrepit buildings, under some hanging laundry, around the stench of the tanner’s, and skidded to a halt in a dank alley illuminated by a thin shaft of dirty sunlight.

For a long moment, she breathed in and out, watching the dust motes hanging in the air, afraid to turn around.

“Rukia… are… are you alright?” Renji panted behind her. 

She slowly turned. He was cradling his right arm in his left. 

“I’m fine,” she said. “Let me see it.”

She should have called him an idiot, a moron. Could he not find a weapon, a stick, anything, rather than his own precious body to put between her and certain death?

“It doesn’t look all that bad,” he admitted, experimentally holding it out for examination. 

It looked terrible. It should have been a bruised lump of blood and pulp, but instead, it just looked wrong. The bones were not in the places where arm bones should be, nor were they the right shape, but the skin was miraculously unbroken. He could move it around and flex his hand well enough, although this caused things to shift around sickeningly beneath his skin. The entire arm was slowly turning a deep purple.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, it hurts pretty bad.”

“Dammit, Renji,” Rukia glowered at him. 

The look in his eyes was sheepish through the pain, and her heart twisted in her chest. Why did she always have to be so impulsive, so stupid? Why?

*   *   *

Rukia hated taking so much of the food, but she and Renji might need it and Fujimaru didn’t. Mameji was sick again, so Rukia left some for him, though they weren’t sure whether it actually helped. It seemed like he was through the worst of this spell, but she didn’t want to take any chances, as if waking up in Inuzuri every morning didn’t constitute taking a chance.

“Make him stay in bed for at least two days after he seems better,” she ordered Fujimaru, as if he didn’t know this, as if they hadn’t all been through this a dozen times now. “Thank you for staying with him.”

“Whatever,” Fujimaru said glumly, his eyes glued to the mangled mess of Renji’s arm.

Renji was uncharacteristically quiet. They had already had the argument, screaming through the night, and he had lost. Renji was the biggest of them, the strongest. His stoicism meant nothing, the gang depended on him. They had to try to get it fixed.

There was a healer, more of an apothecary, really, who lived up in 76. Seeking medical attention was a valid reason to get a travel pass, but they lacked the finances for the bribe, so they traveled by stealth instead. 

Rukia and Renji went up to 77 all the time for thievery purposes. They were too well known in Inuzuri, and also, there was better stuff to steal up there. They didn’t take the others with them, not anymore. One border crossing was a calculated risk, less so when you could use your spiritual pressure to lighten your feet and keep air in your lungs. Two was exponentially more dangerous. When you arrived in Soul Society, they branded a number on your soul with demon magic. The penalty for being caught in a place that didn’t match that number was supposed to be a second death, but the vile souls that passed for law enforcement down here would probably find some much worse things to do to you first. One district away meant safety was only a mad dash for the border to get you back where you belong. Two districts was something else entirely.

Rukia tried not to think about how Renji had made this journey once before, in the middle of the night, with herself, dying, tied to his back. She imagined he didn’t like to think about that much, either. She had been gored by a wild boar, out in the woods, her side ripped open. Renji had stopped the bleeding with his spiritual energy, a feat that he had not been able to reproduce, nor did he wish to, because it hadn’t healed anything, only burned the wound closed. The old apothecary had apparently had to tear her open again, and sew everything back together with needle and thread and his own meager healing abilities, while Renji looked on and held down her convulsing body.

The old man was not a kind man or even a good man. He did not work on charity cases, but he saw a strong young man who could read and write and even do a few figures, so Renji spent the next six weeks working off his debt, collecting payment from deadbeats on top of a little light bookkeeping and writing out prescriptions, while Rukia slowly recovered in the back room. 

Renji could have stayed. Rukia was listening at the door when the man offered to get him a work pass. A work pass, the value was immeasurable. “They’ll let you keep the girl with you, if you tell ‘em she’s your wife,” Rukia remembers the apothecary saying, the words burned into her brain, and for a moment, her head swam with possibility. Renji was always trying to gain steady employment, but there was little to be had in Inuzuri. This work was mildly unsavory, but hardly the worst thing they’d ever done. She hadn’t seen much of life in District 76, but surely it had to be miles above 78. 

 “Thank you,” he had said quietly. “But I got friends depending on me back home.”

“You’re a moron,” the man told him. 

Renji never mentioned it to her and she wasn’t about to admit she’d been eavesdropping. She agreed with his decision, it was absolutely the correct one. Still, it sat heavy and dark in the pit of her stomach, the idea of what he had given up, alongside the guilty feeling that some part of her, no matter how briefly, had wanted him to agree to it, especially the part where she got to stay too. 

After that, she asked him to teach her to read and write, a crusade he’d given up on after years of her rudely brushing him off. She could still do neither as well as he could, although, she realized with a sick feeling, that it was his right arm that was broken, his writing arm. She hoped she could be as valuable to the old apothecary as Renji had been.

But when they reached the shop, it was run down and in ill-repair. The apothecary, whose name was Kitajima, looked old, very old. One could theoretically live forever in Soul Society, but most souls become worn down eventually, and once the degradation began, the end usually came on quickly.

“Barely have any business these days,” he grumbled. “Don’t need any help.”

Fortunately, for as poorly as the job turned out, Rukia had managed to make off with three silver coins from that asshole with the lead pipe. The apothecary’s rheumy eyes locked on them. “I will take a look,” he agreed. 

“As I told you the last time you were here,” the old man growled at Renji as he examined the arm, “You have the demon magic in you. The shinigami use it to cast spells, but also to push their bodies past what is normally possible. Like a fool, you have done this without proper training. You have broken and healed yourself simultaneously,  but with no skill, and you have made a hash of it.”

“I wasn’t trying,” Renji pointed out plaintively.

“Can you repair it?” Rukia asked.

“I can rebreak it,” Kitajima replied, addressing Renji only, as though Rukia didn’t even exist, “and set the pieces properly. It will take all your silver. I will need the girl to help. It will be terrible.”

The more powerful painkillers had been sold off long ago, so Kitajima gave Renji some willow bark tea before they started, and optimistically suggested that he would probably pass out very quickly.  Rukia had seen Renji take a lot of damage before, and had an awful sense that this cheerful prediction was not to come true. 

The things that happened next are best glossed over. But when it was finished, Rukia sat with Renji’s sleeping head in her lap, smoothing his hair back from his sweat-glazed forehead. Kitajima was trying to give her instructions, but her head still spun from the horror of it all. 

The old man would not bear the risk of harboring souls outside of their home districts, not this time. As soon as Renji could stand, they needed to leave.

It was likely that Renji would be set upon by fever. Kitajima pressed a few more packets of tea into Rukia’s hand. It might help. If she could not keep the fever down, it would likely kill him.

There was one last thing. The old man took her wrist in one withered claw. “There are ducts in the arm. They are not real. They cannot be seen without the second sight. It is how the demon magic runs through your body, from your heart to your hands. His were injured, possibly ruined. I have fixed his bones, but this cannot be fixed.”

“I understand,” Rukia replied, even though she didn’t, not really. Later, she would see pictures in textbooks, and truly understand what he had lost.

The fever set in even before they left, but the old man’s good will had worn out, and it was nightfall, the best time for going, so they went. Renji’s temperature increased steadily as they moved south, sticking to the treeline, away from where people lived. His eyes were bright and wild, and he spoke of things that didn’t make any sense, a farm, a mother, a pet dog.

Rukia couldn’t decide whether it was better to stop frequently, to give Renji rest and a chance to drink his medicine, or if it was more important to get him home, to a roof and a blanket and most importantly, safety. She compromised by dragging him through the night, his huge bulk leaning more and more heavily on her shoulder, until they crossed the Inuzuri border, where they collapsed together in a pile of dead leaves under a big oak. The sun was coming up, and the bare branches of the tree did little to block its rays, but Renji fell unconscious almost immediately.  

Rukia rested, but she did not allow herself to sleep. Renji was burning up. Maybe the sleep would help, maybe it wouldn’t. She wanted to bathe his forehead, but she needed to conserve their clean water to mix with his medicine. She thought about searching for a stream, but she was terrified to take her eyes off him, even knowing there wasn’t a thing she could do if he took a bad turn. It was a chilly day at least, and she wished for cold breezes, even as she shivered.

She wanted to be furious with him. How dare he even think about trading his life for hers, as though outliving your friends was some sort of mercy! But she couldn’t stay angry. She knew, she had known since they put Kosaburou in the ground, that she had it in her to push onward though sorrow, through despair. But Renji had anchored himself to her, even moreso than the others, although he would never admit it. When she died, so would go the thin threads of common sense and self-preservation that tied him to this plane. He wasn’t the depressed type, at least she didn’t think he was, but he would just keep doing progressively stupider and riskier things until he’d finally earned his lottery card for meeting up with her again in the World of the Living.

Luckily, after a few hours, his fever broke, and not long after that, he woke. Rukia propped him up against the trunk of the tree, and made him eat one of their sour, wrinkly apples while she heated his tea with her demon magic, as the old man had called it.

“When did you learn to make heat with it?” Renji croaked. “Can you teach me?”

“You have to get better first,” she replied gently. 

“Ru– Ru– Rukia, I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“You dumbass,” she chided him. “It was me. I was the one who was stupid.”

“We– we both need to be more careful,” he wheezed.

She studied his face. There was the faintest shadow of stubble on his jaw. He wasn’t a boy anymore. “No, I think that’s wrong,” she replied. “Being careful isn’t going to save us. Enough people saw you block a lead pipe with your bare arm. That’s a good start for a reputation. We would be foolish to waste it. It’s time to stop sneaking and skulking, and be bold and brash instead, to take this town for all its worth.”

He leaned his head back against the tree. “Can we start… tomorrow?”

Rukia laughed, and brought over his tea. When she bent to give it to him, a bold and brash thought seized her, and as his hands took the cup from hers, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He froze completely, his muscles locked in something like rigor mortis. She knew, with utter certainty, that his brain had abruptly devoted 100% of its processing cycles toward not dropping that tea.

This was the second time she had kissed him. The first had been many years prior. Inuzuri was a bad place for children, and girls in particular. Rukia had decided early on that, even if it wasn’t necessarily good, she wanted her first kiss to be freely given, and with someone she thought fondly of. She had carefully considered all four boys; any of them would have sufficed. Kosaburou would be gentle and thoughtful about it. Fujimaru, cheerful and easy going. Mameji would take the obligation very seriously, and never tell a soul. And then there was Renji. Grumpy. Pessimistic. She wasn’t even entirely sure he liked girls– he scolded the other boys any time they had “romantic notions,” as he put it, and he stiffened like a board if he thought she was going to touch him. Perhaps, like a cat, she was drawn to him because of the discomfort she sparked, but he was the one her heart settled on. She cornered him under a different tree, one summer morning when the others had already headed down to the river for some fishing. 

“I want to kiss you,” she informed him. “Just the once, not a regular thing. Is that all right?”

His eyebrows drew together. “Why me?”

“I like your hair,” she replied, the first thing that popped into her head.

He contemplated this for a minute, then shut his eyes and clenched up his entire body, like he was ready to take a punch. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“You can just say no if you don’t want to,” Rukia replied. “You look really, uh, nervous about it.”

He took a deep breath in and out through his nose, and then his face relaxed, if not the rest of him. “Naw, it’s okay. I want you to. Go ahead.”

Rukia didn’t actually know much about how kissing worked, so she just sort of pressed her face up against his, their lips and noses squishing together uncomfortably. When what she gauged to be the correct amount of time had passed, she retreated again. “Did I do okay?” she asked.

Renji’s gaze was unfocused and he seemed to be having trouble breathing. “Yeah, it was nice,” he agreed, his voice sounding very far away. She suspected he was just trying to be kind.

“Let’s go fishing,” she said, and then he chased her down to the river like nothing at all had happened.

Rukia had observed a few more kisses since then, and had a better idea of how it was supposed to go, although Renji was no more helpful. She squeezed his fingers gently as she backed away.

“You saved me,” she said very quietly. “The hero is supposed to get a kiss.”

“Rukia,” he murmured, staring into the cloudy tea, unable to meet her eyes. “You shouldn’t’ve. We can’t.”

“You don’t want to,” she suggested.

“That’s… untrue,” he managed, and took a sip of his tea. 

“Then why can’t we?”

“It would be unfair. The others…”

“I love all of them! I love all of you!” Rukia proclaimed, and Renji stiffened. That was the true sin, not kissing, but loving, in this forsaken place. They never said that word, none of them, not even once. But they had lost Kosaburou already, and everyone knew Mameji’s cough was never going to go away, and being careful wasn’t going to save any of them. Rukia swallowed. “But you’re the one I want to kiss.”

Renji squeezed his eyes shut and drank more of his tea. It wasn’t fair of her to do this to him while he was in tremendous pain, but she had almost lost him, she could still lose him. The fever might return, the wound might sour. And even if he recovered, there was the next heist, the next lead pipe, the next boar. Rukia felt seized with the need to make the most of every minute in between.

Renji sat back, rubbing at his splinted arm ruefully. He looked awful, pale and hollow-eyed and clammy with old sweat. Rukia loved him so much, she couldn’t stand it. She shouldn’t have said it out loud, she realized. The word was, indeed, a curse, an evil magic spell.

Renji turned his head to the side, pressing his cheek against the bark of the tree. “You’re such a bother, Rukia. You saved my life the first day we met, and you’ve been nothing but trouble to me ever since.”

“I know,” she replied.

“Can I go back to sleep, or do we need to get moving again?”

“You can sleep for a bit if you like, but you’ll be more comfortable back at the squat.”

“I’m comfortable enough here.”

He closed his eyes, and Rukia wondered if he was going to sleep like that, propped up against the tree. After a minute, though, he opened them again.

“If you want to kiss me now and again, I suppose that would be all right,” he pronounced with an air of finality. “But I kinda feel like shit right now, so maybe we could start that tomorrow, too.”

[xopinkmilk18xo]

Get to know me!

1. Name

Courtney Jane Smith

2. Nationality

Australian

3. Age

18

4. Birthday

11th December 2001

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)

Sagittarius / Ophiuchus

6. Gender

Female

7. Sexuality

Bisexual💙💖💜

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Ew I know

9. What do you/did you study?

I will be going on to study Children’s Nursing at University but in school I studied Sociology, Photography and Childcare

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?

I currently hold a part time job at my local corner shop, but will hopefully end up with a job as a children’s nurse or something to do with childcare:)

-

11. Your birth order

Aaron, Charlotte, Abbey, Me:), Lacey

(I think that is what this means)

12. How many siblings do you have?

4

13. Do you have good relations with your family?

Yes but not with my first oldest sister

14. How many friends do you have?

Like 2 lol

15. Your relationship status

Taken🥰

16. What do you look for in a SO?

Good personality, being good looking helps (dont want to date a troll u know) and well I guess that’s it really

17. Do you have a crush?

Yes on my boyfriend

18. When did you have your first kiss?

When I was 14

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Serious and meaningful

20. What are your deal breakers?

I’m not really sure:/

-

21. How was your day?

It was okay, could’ve been better but overall it was meh

22. Favourite food & drink

I love pasta like I could marry pasta haha. And my favourite drink is probably either fresh orange juice or something fizzy

23. What position do you sleep in?

On my side, hugging my pillow with my leg out as if it’s straddling someone (I’m lonely, my boyfriend needs to stay over at some point)

24. What was your last dream about?

I honestly wish I could remember but they are so fucking crazy right now

25. Your fears

Spiders, snakes, heights, large crowds, death (morbid I know) and being lonely:(

26. Your dreams

To travel the world with my baby🥺 as well as buy my own house, get my dream career, get married and have babies (basic I know but this is what I want in life and will feel so lucky and blessed if this happens)

27. Your goals

Same as the above I guess? To travel the world with the loml, become a child nurse, get my dream house then get married, have babies and live a happy long life:)

28. Any pets?

Yes! A cat called Binka and a dog called Shiro (Japanese for White as he is a white Japanese Akita)

29. What are your hobbies?

Cooking, baking, cleaning (weird I know), singing, dancing and sleeping haha

30. Any cool places in your area?

Um, I mean I live about 30 minutes from the beach and it has a “hidden cave” (it’s quite easy to spot if you know where it is) that I go to with a few friends some nights and watch the sunset. So that’s pretty cool

31. What was your last awkward situation?

They happen so often I don’t even know which one to write about I’m such an awkward person lol

32. What is your last regret?

I don’t know really

33. Language/s you can speak

I can speak Italian, Spanish, Russian and some French

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

To a certain extent, yes

35. Have any quirks?

Um I’m not sure?

36. Your pet peeves

I have so many but my BIGGEST pet peeve is the people who like to one-up a situation so I have a friend like this but she’s like one of my only friends so I don’t want to say anything woops but for example I could say to her “I only got 5 hours sleep” she would then turn around and be like “oh well I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 3am and couldn’t sleep” it’s like okay cool but stop trying to one up me thank u bye

37. Ideal vacation

DisneyWorld or Bora Bora (two complete different places I know but I’ve been to both many times and they’re both amazing)

38. Any scars?

I have a scar on my chin from when I hit it on the stair rail when I was a child and I have a surgery scar from when I had my appendix removed

39. What does your last text message say?

It’s me texting my email to my boyfriend because he needed it for something (kinda personal nothing bad tho)

40. Last 5 things from your search history

Majority of it right now is me googling Birthday presents for a family member as well as flight times because I was curious what the time from LA to Texas was haha

41. What’s your [device] background?

Lock screen is me and my boyfriend and my home screen is a flower picture I took

42. What do you daydream about?

A lot of different things, it all depends on how I’m feeling

43. Describe your dream home

Something small and quaint yet modern and big enough to raise a big family

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion

I have nothing against religion and what people believe in. I personally am not religious but I do believe in something. Not God or Jesus but I believe that something like that HAS to exists (sorry if I offended anyone I really did not mean to:/)

45. Your personality type

Really shy and quiet (social anxiety tings😚dont worry I have actually been diagnosed) but ince you get to know me I come out of my shell a bit more

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done

Went sky diving (it was terrifying)

47. Are you happy with your current life?

Yes but no

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life

I don’t really know how the hell to answer this question I’m sorry🥺

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?

A lot of different colours but I wear mainly grey and black clothes hehe

50. Favourite colour to wear?

Black or grey🤪

51. How would you describe your style?

I don’t really know, definitely not trendy I can tell you that but all the styles I want to try I just KNOW will look bad on me

52. Are you happy with your current looks?

Not really no lol😚✌🏼

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I honestly would change my entire face, especially my nose, if it was smaller I’d feel slightly better about my appearance (nothing against big noses lol I just don’t like mine)

54. Any tattoos or piercings?

I had my ears and nose pierced but took them out and just forgot to put them back in and now the holes have sorta closed up.

I then also have a small turtle on my ankle - for a close friend (still alive lol but it’s just a nice thing to have) and I have plans to get a few more just need to decided when I want them because I keep chickening out

55. Do you get complimented often?

Yes sorta but only by my boyfriend

56. Favourite aesthetic?

I’m not sure?

57. A popular trend that you dislike

I’m not really aware of any popular trends as of right now tbh

-

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?

Adore You by Harry Styles and for some reason Feel so Close by Calvin Harris

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like.

Mr Brightside - I hate the song (dont attack me pls) but it lowkey, high key is a BOP

60. Favourite genre?

Mainly throwback songs so I guess pop songs? Tbh my genre of music is all over the place

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?

I love 5 Seconds of Summer and One Direction but that’s it really

62. Hated popular songs/artists?

I HATE Dance Monkey and High Hopes (they get on my nerves so much idk why)

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5

September - Earth Wind & Fire

Truth Hurts - Lizzo

Jealous - Labrinth

Bad Romance - Halestorm (such a bop)

Break Free - Ariana Grande

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing, I also play piano and guitar (strings have broken though and so haven’t played in a while)

65. Do you like karaoke?

I LOVE karaoke

66. Own any albums?

Yes, mainly 5SOS and One Direction haha

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?

Sometimes, no particular station as I only listen to it to fill in the silence in certain situations

-

68. Favourite movie/series?

I love the Frozen films but also the Harry Potter films sooooo much

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc

I don’t really have a favourite tbh

70. Your fictional crush/es

I know it’s typical but I have the biggest crush on Harry Potter lol

71. Which fictional character is you?

I don’t know?

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so

No not really

73. Favourite greek god?

I don’t have a favourite Greek god but I like Athena purely because I like the name haha

74. A legend from where you live that you like

I don’t really know of any legends however there is a myth that a Panther is on the loose in the Blue Mountains

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist?

I like to look at art and admire it however I do not have a favourite artist or anything like that

76. Can you share your other social media?

I sure can:)

Twitter       Instagram      Wattpad

Snapchat - cjmushmush (you don’t have to add it and also don’t question the name I was 11)

77. Favourite youtubers?

Shane Dawson, Ryland Adams, Morgan Adams, Jeffree Star and The Dolan Twins

78. Favourite platform?

I am obsessed with Tik Tok so I’d say that’s probs my fave

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?

Far too much I can tell you that

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite?

I used to play minecraft and now all I do is play Sims 3 and 4 which are my absolute faves

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)

I don’t really have any

82. Do you play board/card games?

Yes but not very often

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?

No I didn’t even know that was a thing

84. Favourite holiday

I LOVE CHRISTMAS SO MUCH❤️💚❤️💚

85. Are you into dramas?

Yes

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one?

I don’t know what a death note is?

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I wouldn’t choose world peace because then everything would be the same and it would be boring but if I had the power I would make sure everyone had a stable home with at least hot clean water and a nice warm bed, as well as curing world hunger because I’m nice like that

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?

Probably not

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?

A ghost

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Become a ghost haha

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

Anything but Courtney - my name was almost Octavia so that would also be out of the question

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?

So many people I’d love to do this with so I’m not sure

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo

🦥 (only because I love sloths)

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

(these are the most random things I’m sorry)

I was born in the UK (not true, born in Sydney)

I am not single (True, I am in a relationship:))

I love avocado (I actually DESPISE IT)

-

95. Cold or hot?

Cold because that can = snuggles duh

96. Be a hero or be a villain?

Be a villain because I hate the attention (hero would probs get a lot of attention) and everyone hates me anyway lol

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Probably sing everything considering I do that a lot anyway

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Control time because I’d go back to the past a change some things then go back to today so I can still be with my boyfriend❤️

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Be immortal that would be pretty fun

100. ….. or …..?

What does this one even mean?

[over-canon-watchh]

Hey, erm do you have any headcanons for lets say Mccree, Solider, Junkrat and maybe Hanzo; like if S/O invites them to go to a theme park for the day but then S/O gets super sleep at the end of the day and falls asleep next on one of their shoulders. Please and thanks ‘•~•’

McCree:

The whole day with you, his heart had been racing at a million miles an hour, he didn’t think it was possible for it to get any faster.

And yet, the way your head lulled onto his shoulder as you cradled the small stuffed toy he’d won you, it was as if his heart could power a rocket to the moon.

There was something about the contrast between your energetic personality and the way you slept so soundlessly that drove him crazy.

“My god, darlin’, I’d give you the world just to see that smile.”

Soldier: 76:

His entire frame stiffens as he feels the weight of your head gently drop onto his shoulder.

Truth be told, he’s been fighting back these feelings for as long as he’s known you.

Eventually, he's caving in and steals a glance at you. His breath catches in his throat, nearly enough to cause him to cough.

“If only you knew how much I want this to be permanent. How much I wish I could make this work between us and be there for you, always.”

Junkrat:

 It is very difficult for him to resist the temptation to draw on your face as you sleep.

Once he gets over that, he takes another look at you and feels this clenching feeling in his chest

At first, he’s convinced he’s having a heart attack. However, when he is still alive a few minutes later, the realisation of what that feeling actually settles

“Oh no, doll… This ain’t gonna go smoothly for either of us.”

Hanzo:

The poor soul did nothing but panic for the first five minutes you slept on his shoulder. 

Were you ill? Did you need medical attention?? Should he wake you and ask you what’s wrong???

But, his worries were nearly instantly calmed as he heard the soft sounds of snores leaving your mouth.

“My love, if you keep this up, you’ll worry me to death by the time the week is over.”