#ALSO THE IDEA THAT AN ACE PERSON IS TOTALLY NAIVE

[ofliterarynature]

JANUARY 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok DNF (reread) bookclub*]

Mammoths at the Gates • An Impossible Imposter • Greywaren • The Hexologists • Mister Impossible • Reclaiming Two Spirits • (Check, Please: #Hockey)* • Thornhedge • Call Down the Hawk • All the Hidden Paths • All the Beauty in the World • (The Raven King) • (A Strange and Stubborn Endurance) • (Blue Lily, Lily Blue) • The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie • The Missing Page • Bird By Bird • Lucky Red • Portrait of a Thief

I suppose I may as well start with the giant pile of Maggie Stiefvater and get that out of the way, lol. According to Goodreads, this was at least my 3rd time through the entire Raven Cycle. Despite that, I had only the vaguest idea of what happened in the last two books, and now having reread them (again), yeah, that tracks! I can hang with book 3 but I have no idea what was really going on in The Raven King, and as a series finale I didn't love it. It felt a lot like the dreamer plotlines drowned out the original Glendower and ley line story that we started with. But, Maggie being Maggie, I love the way she writes so much that I at least still enjoyed the reading experience. And it made an incredibly clear lead-in to the Dreamer Trilogy (which I had not read), it made total sense, I was hopeful! Again, Maggie being Maggie, I had a good time reading them, I liked learning more about the Lynch brothers, I'm always down for some art forgery, but I just didn't really like it and (while I'm glad for Maggie that she was able to write it) I could have lived without it. It completely did not have the vibe or charm of TRC and, criminally, did not include the Gangsey. How!!!!

The Missing Page - liked it! It felt a lot more solid as a mystery than the first book, which I greatly appreciated, though the villagers in the first book were maybe a bit more fun. I'm not feeling particularly inspired to go look up more Cat Sebastian after this, but if she writes another one of these I'd read it.

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie - I've had this one on my mystery tbr for a while, and for some reason I'd thought it was set in a much earlier time period than the 1950's? lol. Our protagonist is the youngest of 3 sisters growing up in genteel poverty with an absent father, and she has the run of the village, the house, and an incredibly well stocked chemistry lab left by an ancestor. She is both incredibly clever and terribly naive, and absolutely terrifying because of it. Flavia is fascinating as a detective, because she's not written as the protagonist of a middle grade mystery novel - she's a child. This was an interesting read, but I'm not sure it's what I'm looking for in a mystery novel and I don't think I'll continue the series.

A Strange and Stubborn Endurance - reread this in advance of the sequel - it was a bit easier to see some flaws this time around, but had a good time! This *was* my first time listening to it on audio though, and I'm not sure I'd recommend it. It had a different person reading for each of the main characters and their voices just didn't pair well for me - not to mention one of them also read Lev AC Rosen's Lavender House and boy does he do some distinctive character voices.

All the Hidden Paths - didn't go quite so well. I think primarily my mental space was not pairing well with the tensions of reading this for the first time, I do think on a reread I might like it better. Somehow the spy/saboteur was my favorite character? He was soo bad at his job, I found it very funny. But overall, I think it was just a little too close to a rehash of the plot from the first book, leaving me to think Meadows might not be the best at writing mysteries. Luckily it does at least score high on my romance scale.

All the Beauty in the World: The Metropolitan Museum of Art and Me - first nonfic of the year! I've been eagerly anticipating my library getting an audio copy ever since I first heard about this last year, it sounded cool, I'm fascinated by art museums and behind-the-scenes! Unfortunately I was not into it, and almost 2 months on I can't remember enough to even try to tell you why. It did pair interestingly with another recent read, The Mixed Up Files of Mrs Basil E Frankweiler, but I'm still learning how far into memoir territory I can go. Someone stop me from trying the other Met nonfic book I found recently lol.

Thornhedge - wonderful! No notes! I love fairy tales and this was a delight to read.

Check, Please! #Hockey - loved getting to revisit this for book club! I've been meaning to for a few years, because y'all. I've read so much fanfic, and I have no idea what is in the comic, what Ngozi posted as extras, and what is fanon. The comic had less than I was expecting! Still fun, my fellow book-clubber liked it, but my real love was the tweets! I'll definitely try to read Vol 2 this year so I can then browse the larger collection of them compiled in the Chirpbook.

Reclaiming Two Spirits: I saw this one on tumblr and fortunately was able to get access to the audiobook! It's a topic I was very interested in learning more about, and I did! But - this is a research project, more than anything, it could be very repetitive (which, fair. colonizers suck), and it felt distanced from its subject. I feel it's a book that definitely has its place, but it's not objectively a 'good read,' and I'd rather have had something from someone who is indigenous and two-spirit themselves.

The Hexologists - it has its quirks, but this was unapologetically a delight to read and I had a fun time! I'm a sucker for a world with a magic vs industrial revolution, not to mention a married pair of established investigators, and I always appreciate an author who's willing to get a bit silly. If there's ever more books I'd love to read them!

An Impossible Imposter - she is what she is, I had a good time! This one felt like it might have taken some inspo from The Moonstone 👀

Mammoths at the Gate - had a good time with this, as I always do with the Singing Hills books. Stories about stories are like catnip, I should reread them all sometime!

Bird by Bird by Ann Lamott (DNF) - I have only the vaguest memories of reading parts of this for a creative writing class in college, and now that I'm getting more into nonfiction thought why not? Unfortunately the audiobook version I got was read by the author, who absolutely does not have an audiobook voice/cadence. I considered trying again with the version read by someone else, but decided I wasn't actually interested enough to continue.

Lucky Red By Claudia Cravens (DNF) - the host of one of the podcasts I listen to was gushing about this one and I was like, sapphic western? Sign me up! I read about 25% of it, and it all seemed fine, it just wasn't feeling particularly interesting to me. Absolutely give it a shot if you'd like!

Portrait of a Thief by Grace D Li (DNF) - I knew going in this had been getting mixed reviews. I really like the idea of it - I enjoy a heist, am always interested in fine arts/art history drama, and vigilante art repatriation hell yeah! But this felt very much like it was trying to emulate a heist *movie*, and it just wasn’t working for me as a book. If this ever gets adapted I’d love to see it.

[fyodior]

Okay so I also agree with you that fyodor's breakdown might have been partially genuine bc yeah I also doubt asagiri would show that entire scene (which was kinda long too) only for fyodor at the end to be like "lmao it was all a trick I deceived you". Imo when fyodor read that note in russian smth did happen inside of him and the start of his breakdown might have been somewhat genuine. But then there's that scene where he stops screaming and goes "...", I think in that moment he might have gone back to normal and may have realized "wait sigma is still there with the gun pointed at me, I have no other way to protect myself, I could probably keep up this act, make up some lie and trick him to drop the gun" so then he probably made up that whole story of the double personality and the magic sword to kill him

OR there's the possibility that what he said about the double personality and the magic sword are at least somewhat true as well in some way, but then he switched back to his regular self and went "yeah I was totally lying, I totally do not have a double personality, it was all just a story I made up trust me bro" to confuse sigma (and us readers) even more

The fun thing about this is that we have no idea which of these scenarios is the correct one and that there's a possibility that neither of them are right and there's actually a secret third option we might find out in the future

This is not the first time fyodor keeps up an act like this to get out of a situation. He used that same technique with ace when he pretended the entire time to have an ability that trapped people inside his mind. But I also agree with you that we've never seen fyodor act so distressed/ooc (the most we got was that 😳 face he made when dazai showed up at the café he was in). So basically what I'm trying to say is, this man has an iron grip on my brain and my puthy and I need him to step on me

- 💍

rambling under the cut bc it got long LMAO

yeah like it'd be insane to dedicate 75% of a chapter to an interaction that had no meaning and like all the shit he made up about that dagger??? i don't think we have all the pieces yet to actually make an accurate hypothesis but im thinking less and less that it was just him lying like that's too surface level. we also still have no fucking idea what that "help me" note was???? and maybe it was his "other self" trying to communicate to him ??? my god this is so complicated

and yes this isnt the first time he's fabricated an entire situation to get out of something but he's alwayyysss stayed calm and collected bc to him having control over the situation or at least pretending to is the most important thing. if he's having a meltdown 1) that's incredibly uncharacteristic 2) he's lost control over the situation and that just isn't what he does.

but the other thing is he just didn't need to go to that extreme to get sigma to put the gun down??? like sigma is just. so naive (to no fault of his own he's literally 3 years old) and is so easily swayed in his opinion bc he never knows what to believe. fyodor is incredibly good at manipulation and absolutely could've just manipulated him into lowering the gun, at least for just long enough to kick it out of his hand or whatever. and like i said before this motherfucker has a gun pointed at him every other fuckin day he's not a stranger to having to sweet talk himself out of that.

in short i think we have no fucking clue what happened and we probably won't for a while but there's no way its just "he lied for funsies".

[darkestspring]

Do you think we could get a rundown of who and what your OCs are?

I’m new here and I don’t know where to start lol but they look interesting!

aelyra targaryen - she's alysanne and jaehaerys' second daughter, she was born in 54 AC, a year after daenaerys and she dies in 129 AC just a few minutes after viserys dies. she ends up marrying both aemon and baelon and she's the mother of rhaenys, viserys, daemon and an oc visenya ii.

visenya ii targaryen - she's aelyra and aemon's youngest child and the youngest all together. she has a bit of a romance with daemon in her younger years before he married rhea royce and she ends up married to cregan stark and becomes the lady of winterfell. she has a known hatred for alicent that she refuses to talk about.

baelon ii targaryen - he's the only child of daemon targaryen and rhea royce, this kind of came from the idea of 'what if rhea and daemon did have a child together'. in some verses, daemon knows about his son but doesn't know how to properly connect with a child that came from someone he hates and in other verses he never knows until rhea dies. baelon ends up in the care of viserys and alicent. he ends up becoming one eye instead of aemond and he has love interests in aegon, aemond, helaena. in the main verse he ends up married to a baratheon girl but sometimes he ends up married to helaena. in total he ends up having eight children. five with his baratheon wife and three with helaena.

diana royce-targaryen - she's the daughter of rhea royce and daemon targaryen. (you can find her intro post HERE)

cerise lannister - she's aegon ii's wife in this verse. she's the younger sister of tyland and jason lannister. she has a stern personality. she hates cheaters and gamblers. she has a bit of a manipulative streak and likes to egg people on because she thinks it's fun to see them angry. she has her own lion named, leopold.

vivian tyrell - the rose of highgarden, she ends up as daeron's wife in this verse. she's a lovely girl with an eye for flowers but she's also very skilled in the art of fighting and dislikes it when men other than her husband try to touch her. she's well versed in the art of poison.

eloise baratheon - she's the youngest baratheon sister, a very naive and innocent girl who has never actually seen the outside world because of her isolation at the hand of her father and sisters. she's the spitting image of her deceased mother, causing an obsession over her to form between her father and her sisters. eloise goes on to become aemond's wife after he becomes obsessed with her sweetness.

daella targaryen + daella iii targaryen - daella i targaryen was aegon, visenya, and rhaenys' youngest sister and ended up being aegon's thrid wife due to the obsession her older siblings held over her. she had four children with aegon who's fates remain unknown. daella herself dies in dragonstone, just a year before visenya.

daella iii targaryen is the fourth targaryen child, and alicent's second daughter. the soul of daella i entered her body after she was born a stillborn and that almost death in the eyes of the public caused alicent to develop paranoia and a deep obsession and possession over her youngest daughter. daella iii lives out her life under the obsession of her family while trying to navigate her surroundings.

ysilla martell - a princess of dorne that was fostered by king jaehaerys, she ends up married to baelon and has two children with him. ysilla is very standoffish, she uses jokes to hide how awkward she is when it comes to affection, she doesn't show her love very easily because she doesn't really know how so she just showers her loved ones in her wealth.

Daelaenys Targaryen - she's my immortal targaryen oc. daelaenys' mother was a skilled witch who was skilled in black magic. she performed a ritual that gave her daughter immortality at the cost of her own life. so daelaenys can't die, at all. trust her, she's tried everything and she's still living. she's daenys the dreamers great-great grandmother and now lives in seclusion after being kidnapped by visenya and then escaping. she lives in godswood. those who seek her out will never be able to find her. she's very cold and disgruntled. mushroom gave her the nickname of undying blizzard because of her white hair, colder than ice nature and her immortality.

Lisenya Targaryen/Little Dove: lisenya is the daughter of rhaenyra and ser criston cole. depending on the au, she either grows up as rhaenyra and laenor's child or she grows up and alicent or viserys' child.

in the latter au, alicent steals lisenya from her crib after she feels a deep connection with the child and lisenya grows up being loved and adored by the green. lisenya is a dragon dreamer but different than helaena, rather than dream about general events, lisenya only dreams about her future and can only remember it long enough to paint it and then she forgets it.

[wooiamamess]

H20 mermay redesign

So in honour of mermay, and my rewatching h20 a couple of months ago, I did a redraw of the characters from h20 with my own head cannons and some explaining of my redesigns of course (: I really think that an animated reboot (not the one Netflix did) would be perfect for this show, and I wanted to convey my ideas. I also did try the make the designs resemble the actors at least a little bit.

Ricky

I love Ricky with all my heart, she’s definitely in my top 3 characters from this show. I’m obsessed with her hair in season one, especially when she puts it into braids. I kept her red motif from the first season as well. I want her to wear very early 2000s-esque grunge clothing. In terms of her mermaid look, I changed her colour to this orange/red-ish colour, and added details to make it look like flames.

I know a lot of people like to headcannon her as a lesbian, but personally I don’t. I think that she’s definitely pansexual with zero preferences and would go by she/her pronouns but would be ok with they/them.

Cleo

I honestly had so much fun with Cleo’s design. She has a bit of a bohemian style in the first season, but I decided to trade for a little more preppy look that I think reflects her character more. She’s sweet, caring, a little naive, but good spirited. So I put her in a trendy outfit with some cute patches to keep that homemade look. For her mermaid look, I wanted it to look like lace to mirror the patches on her skirt, and of course, it had to be purple.

My asexual ass has to headcannon her as ace and heteromantic. She’s also got the purple motif so that just adds to the ace-ness. She/her pronouns.

Emma

Emma’s design came really easily to me. I wanted to give her a kind of periwinkle colour scheme to match her ice. Her human design is simple, but I really wanted to keep it modern and trendy. Athleisure with high socks and bicycle shorts (and of course a sparkly top). Her mermaid design also came really easily to me, as I gave her sharp sparkly edges to resemble ice. Is it difficult to make a blonde, ice-themed character not look like Elsa? Yes

If anyone in the main three is a lesbian in my eyes it’s her. She’s hella gay with she/they pronouns.

Charlotte

Lol I don’t think I have anything positive to say about charlotte but damn I had so much fun drawing her. I really wanted her to look soft and sweet but give her the nastiest attitude ever. I put her in a preppy school girl outfit with soft pastel pink to make her look unassuming (at least to Lewis) and of course the necklace that the other three girls have.

She/her, straight.

Will

Threw a curveball at you didn’t I? That’s right, this is where my head cannons start, along with my inability to draw abs. Rewatching season 3, it only made sense to make him a mermaid instead of Bella, and I honestly feel like it could’ve been more interesting. Imagine him as a diver who got just a little too curious around Mako, and accidentally turns into a mermaid. His dreams of become a diver are ruined, however he got to be happy doing what he loved (exploring the ocean). It just makes more sense in my opinion.

For his main colour, I changed his motif of blue to green. I wanted to keep the blue colour for Emma and Lewis, and I honestly just felt like it suits him better. In terms of his powers, maybe the ability to control plants? Idk

He’s probably straight, maybe bi-curious. Goes by he/they but wouldn’t object to any pronoun. The chillest dude.

Bella

Bella was probably the hardest to adapt just cause I don’t love her character in the show. I decided to make her not a mermaid, and instead a love interest. I felt like it suited her better. I wanted to keep her colour palette soft and muted, and put her in sweet, bohemian style clothing. I feel like she would become a good friend of the main trio after the betrayal by charlotte. She would be an excellent friend and totally keep their secret as well as fall in love with Will.

Definitely bisexual, not opposed to a flirtationship with Emma (I just want them to meet) She/they.

Lewis

Look at this disaster man. I put him in messy clothes cause he probably couldn’t give two shits about what he looks like. He really does just want to go fishing.

Biromantic asexual (yes I am in fact projecting onto these characters). He/him.

Zane

I personally love Zane. I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I love characters who are shitty people and even when they’re on “the side of good”, they continue to be shitty people. Just more focused and positive. When I was a kid I was 100% on board with his relationship with rikki, and honestly a part of me still is. So for my headcannon, he doesn’t cheat on her, the cafe doesn’t get in the way of their relationship, and he treats Rikki so much better. Cause they had fantastic chemistry and I don’t want it to go to waste.

For his design I gave him two looks, a casual motorcycle riding outfit, and of course a business suit. I made his main colour black, but I had to give him dark red accents as a nod to Ricky.

Heterosexual, he/him.

Lastly

The love interests as mermaids. This is not a part of my headcannon (yet). In terms of powers I have a couple ideas that do, in fact, include Lewis being able to talk to marine life. Poor boy will never go fishing again. In terms of Bella’s powers i really hate what they gave her, so I was thinking wind or bubbles or something air-related. As for Zane? He’s definitely the hardest to pin down for powers but I’m thinking either shadow manipulation or storm related powers (like lightning). Maybe a combo of both.

Well I’m done writing this all out and mermay is over so fuck me I guess. That’s what I get for making this post with 20 minutes left of may. I hope you had fun reading my post and looking at my art. I probably won’t draw more of this headcannon but idk I do what I want

[snake-snacc]

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland 

Topic: The "Fuckboy" thing 

DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion and my thoughts! You are free to have a different opinion! Take it with a little bit of humour!

forgive my bad english

You know what guys? I think it's kinda funny how a part of the Twisted Wonderland Fandom really goes with "Yes XY is a total fuckboy! You see it in his eyes!" And from what I saw the most characters that get into this discussion are Leona, Malleus, Ace, Jamil and Floyd. BUT LET ME BURST YOUR BUBBLES GUYS AND LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE REAL "FUCKBOY" OF TWISTED WONDERLAND!

First of all, I'm gonna tell you why the pretty boys above are not really fit for the title of "Fuckboy". :3 [I will refer often to female partners but I try to keep it gender neutral most times!]

Let's start with the sleepy the lion, LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

— No, my argument is not that he's too lazy. No, no. But he probably was raised to totally respect women. He even stated that he is afraid of the women in his homeland because they are pretty tough ladys! So, they wouldn't hesitate to slap a bitch if they find out he fucks around and leaves them heart broken 

— Also, he probably doesn't have the strength or the motivation to handle all the drama 

Next! Horny (no pun intended) boy, MALLEUS DRACONIA

— Let's be honest, he probably doesn't know how to really communicate with people, beside Yuu/MC, Lilia and maybe the rest of his dorm. Yes he can talk to others but get them into bed? I don't think so. 

— He probably doesn't even know what even kissing is 

Next boy! ACE TRAPPOLA 

— He would go all out about stuff like "Yes, I totally would bang that girl/that boy" but in the moment the person would be stripping down in front of him, with the intention to do naughty stuff with him, he would panic. He would straight up panic and would get out of there

— Look at him. He doesn't even know how to use his dick

Next Boy! JAMIL (I'm a whore for you) VIPER

— As sad as it makes me, this pretty boy is way to stressed for fucking around! He couldn't even use it as a stress relief because while doing it, he would stress himself with stuff like "Is this good enough? Do I have enough time left? Does Kalim need help? Is the food ready?" 

— Plus I see him more as a "I choose a partner and stay by their side" kinda guy. But even then he wouldn't get a partner because he knows he wouldn't have time for them so he doesn't even starts dating

Next and last! FLOYD LEECH

— He would start it, get bored and leave. Facts. This boy would just straight up leave the second his partner wouldn't play along. Maybe he even just goes before they even started because "I don't want to anymore" 

— His mood swings would keep the people away from him and I don't see that he really appeals to all the naughty stuff

SO! Now that I bursted your bubbles, let me tell you about the real "Fuckboy" from Twisted Wonderland…

*dramatic music* 

……

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞KALIM AL-ASIM!☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

Yeah I know I know

"But he is so baby and naive and innocent!"- quit that! No! He is not! Yes he is very naive, but in the way to trust and believe people way too easy and to believe they wouldn't do bad things twice. (This whole chapter broke my heart… my poor boys! ;-;)

But let me explain to you, why Kalim is (in my eyes) the one that should/could wear the title "Fuckboy": 

— Let's start at the beginning: From what we know he has over 30 siblings, is probably the oldest, so there for he saw his Dad with the Mom. Or should I say, the Moms?! Kalims Dad probably had more than one wife, and not like "She died, or, we fell apart after 10 years", no, probably like "you look pretty, give birth to my kids, you are my wife now for a few years". (My theory/opinion on what kind of dad he has) So he had an Idol which had more women on his hands that a normal man would ever. I can see that Kalim is totally used to stuff like that from his homeland, his familie, and that the idea/concept of multiple partners at the same time is something totally normal to him. 

— He will be the next Sultan. You can't tell me the girls at his homeland didn't throw themselves at him at some point of his life. "Oh you're so handsome~ And so sweet~ omg you make me laugh~", etc. And with his carefree and happy nature he probably doesn't even have a problem with that. "Oh thank you, you too ^^ Your hair is so pretty, your eyes are enchanting~", etc. 

— If this sweet, so happy, smiling boy would throw a party and ask a random girl to dance with him, they wouldn't say no. They would dance with him, smile and be happy. He could get all of them wrapped around his little finger, by just smiling and asking nicely. Yes he is a little over the top sometimes, but that probably don't stand in his way

— If he doesn't get what he wants, he cries. He is so used to getting what he wants the second he recommends it, that a "No sorry, I don't want to dance/talk/come over" would be the instant start of big, wet puppy eyes and stuff like "But it would make me so happy! We could have soooo much fun! *sobbing*" (He kinda is a pick me boy not gonna lie, but i love him) and who wants a happy nature like Kalim to cry? No one! (Besides Jamil) So they would probably feel bad and be like ".. Okay.. just this one time.. and not so long.." and in the end they would be at his side for more hours then they could count. 

— I can see that if he would directly ask for a person to come with him in his room and they say no, that he would be kinda sad. Puppy eyes and everything BUT he knows that he can't force people to do that stuff with him, so he just gets sad and is like "Can we at least cuddle..?" And you know what? In the end it's not just a cuddle. BUT WITH CONSENT! He respects a No, but he can't do anything about it if the person changes their mind because little Kalim is all sweet talk and praise while cuddling

— Fact is, Kalim would totally flirt talk or at least very flirty praise people without even realising. (I mean.. have you ever listened closely to how he talks about Jamil..? Way to much praise and simpness) You know, while just casual dancing with them, out of nowhere something like "Your body looks so beautiful in this light and the way it moves, mesmerising" 

— Because of his "It's totally normal to have multiple partners" thingy, I can see him just living that. Party here, party there, oh you look pretty, you're mine now. And yes he knows some would just be at his side for the chance of getting some money, but why would he care? He doesn't plan to marry one of them. He would care for that when it comes to the one he should marry and when he finds out they are just after him because of the money, yeah, well bye bye then 

— He is probably in general way too touchy with people, so accidents happen, right?~ (that sounds wrong) I mean with that, that probably some people would get his closeness a little wrong think he is interested in them, so they get interested and in the end, Fun~ 

— He calls people casually with sweet nicknames. He called Yuu/MC "My Love". So why wouldn't he just call other people too by stuff like that? The pretty dancer lady he had invited with the green eyes? "My shining emerald" The handsome boy he met at a feast in his homeland with the sun-kissed skin? "My golden sunshine" 

— Just saying, who in his Homeland, from the young ladys that need to get married and stuff, wouldn't instantly say yes, if Kalim would ask them to spend time with him? The moment he would invite them into the palast, they would fall in love with him (or his money) 

— He knows how the world is working. Money does big things. A soft smile, a nice ask and a little bit of "One night at the Sultans Palace / One night treated like a princess/prince, getting served from servants" and he has a partner. Kalim isn't stupid, maybe school related stuff, but not about life. 

— By the way: "One night treated like a princess/prince", come one. Tell me this boy wouldn't absolutely treat his partner, even just one night stands, like total princesses/princes. He would praise them so much, tell them all the way how beautiful they are, how they are his treasure right now. Surely he could also go easily into the mood of "Serve me I'm the Prince", but I think he would make this the first few times by accident (because he was taught to be served from everyone) but quickly realize that that's not how it works.

— Facit:

Kalim could easily be a Fuckboy, or a very popular and successful Pick me Boy. But I think he would get himself in the way with his "I don't do that on purpose" nature. 

[acenancy]

The Ace x Nancy x Tamura of It All

I’m here as a hardcore Nace shipper (see the URL) to throw my two cents into the Ace x Nancy x Tamura discussion.

Some of you straight up hate Tamura and that’s cool, I get it, no judgement, but I personally like him a lot as a character. And I LOVE the connection he and Nancy have. Their repartee is entertaining, they share a passion for solving mysteries which is key to being Nancy’s friend, and their very different life experiences help balance each other out. 

You know, since one of them is grounded in reality and the other is navigating through life in a supernaturally charged hellmouth.

That being said, I hope they grow closer during S3 WITHOUT becoming explicitly romantic. And I think that may be exactly what happens! At most, I think that while solving magical mysteries, Nancy and Tamura will engage in a fun little flirtationship  that will lead to genuine friendship. His partnership with Nancy would be solidified this way as well as his honorary membership to the Drew Crew. This could serve three purposes: 

Forcing Tamura to accept the supernatural elements of Horseshoe Bay, thus weaving him more intricately into the plot.

Creating tension between Nancy and Ace 😏

Exploring and adding depth to whatever sort of relationship they’re trying to establish between Tamura and Ace.

I see all of this playing out fairly simply: while Nick and George are busy juggling real life and a wedding, while Bess devotes her time and energy into researching her family history and finding love, and while Ace prioritizes Amanda, Nancy finds herself without proper backup. So! Perhaps unintentionally, Nancy gravitates to Tamura. There's crimes and mysteries to be solved and since her friends are not fully available to her, who better to turn to than the guy who’s job it is to investigate these things? And so begins the Nancy and Tamura buddy cop comedy that is both dreaded and highly anticipated depending on what social media outlet you’re using.

Though let me repeat: BUDDY COP. 

I really don’t think we’re going to have an Ed and Lorraine Warren situation on our hands with these two. Truly, if the S2 finale is anything to go by, I think S3 will allow Nancy to grow into herself outside of a romantic or sexual relationship. She’s not running from herself and into someone else’s bed anymore. She’s embracing and learning to love herself. I’d even go so far as to say Nancy’s love interest next season will be...Nancy lmao. 

As for Tamura, if they decide to give him a romantic interest, I think they would either have his ex-fiancée reenter the picture or maybe even do him dirty and stick him with Temperance for plot reasons. A doomed Tamura x Temperance romance would actually be fun to see, in my opinion, and would be a great way to open Tamura’s eyes to the supernatural. That’s just me spit-balling, though. Whether it’s because of Temperance or not, I think Tamura is finally going to have to accept ghosts and witches and magic are real this season. It’s just a requirement for working with Nancy Drew.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, we have to address the Nace of it all. Sorry to Tamura but I do believe you’re being used as an obstacle in True Love’s way next season. I think fandom’s general consensus is that the more time Nancy and Tamura spend together, romantic or not, the more jealous Ace will become. While I agree, I think Ace’s jealousy will stem from somewhere a little deeper than just seeing Nancy with another guy. 

Take Gil, for example. Ace was sort of jealous of Gil, but more than anything he was wary of him and concerned for Nancy’s wellbeing when she was with him. Unlike Ace, Gil never had anything to offer Nancy except for sex and a getaway car. He sure as hell was never her number one person. In fact, he wasn’t even Nancy’s number five person. There was never a reason for Ace to be envious of him.

Tamura, on the other hand, can prove to be just as much of an equal to Nancy as Ace is. As chief/lead detective, he also has power and influence that Ace and Nancy do not, and access to people and resources that Ace does not have (unless he can hack into them). Tamura can help Nancy bend and break the law without consequence if need be, too. And, although naive in regards to the mystics of Horseshoe Bay, he is just as smart as Nancy and has, on the rare occasion, even been one step ahead of her. Tamura is an asset, to say the least. Together, he and Nancy make a formidable duo.

That’s what will make Ace jealous. More than the prospect of romance between Nancy and Tamura, I think that Nancy finding another intellectual match is what will rub Ace the wrong way. They’ll find themselves at a brief moment in time where Nancy will turn to Tamura for assistance before anyone, including Ace, and Ace will realize he absolutely hates that someone who is not him is Nancy’s partner in crime now.

Maybe Nancy won’t notice, but Ace will probably realize his love for her is not of the philia sort. I’m sure Amanda also will. And? Maybe Tamura will see it too.

Which brings me to one of my favorite dynamics of the show: Ace and Tamura’s.

I’m not gonna sit here and spin my crazy conspiracy theory that they’re brothers. Though that idea will always hold a special place in my heart, slowly but surely I am accepting that Ace’s long lost brother really is Grant. I’m being a total grownup about it. I swear.

Nevertheless, I do think they’ve been trying to build some kind of relationship between Ace and Tamura since before Tamura even met Nancy. What sort of relationship? God, I wish I knew.

They meet each other first, which doesn’t necessarily mean a lot, but it’s worth noting that they’re on each other’s funny little shit lists before Nancy even enters Tamura’s picture. It’s also Ace and Ace alone that hears from McGuinness that Tamura will be replacing him in the same episode. Then, of course, we have that crazy Shabbat dinner in 2x03 that exacerbates their antagonistic relationship further. Then there’s their snarky banter and all of those totally unnecessary side-by-side shots of them saving Noah in 2x10. Apart from Nancy, Ace is the only member of the Drew Crew that we’ve seen Tamura develop a real connection with, even if it is an unfriendly one. And, as of now, their relationship doesn’t even have anything to do with Nancy.

So where are the writers going with this hilarious and hostile bond between Ace and Tamura? Has all of this really just been buildup for a romantic rivalry? Hey, maybe! I really can’t figure out another reason why the writers have gone out of their way to create their dynamic since the Brother Theory has been disproven. But something tells me this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

And when I say “this”, I mean Tamura taking a step back from Nancy once he realizes he may just be filling in the love of her life’s shoes. Because that’s where I think all of this is going. Not necessarily anywhere romantic between Nancy and Tamura, but somewhere more friendly between Tamura and everyone.

At the end of it all, Tamura is going to finally embrace the supernatural, he’s going to become an ally to Nancy, Ace, and the rest of the Drew Crew, and, when the timing is right, he’s going to hop onboard the Nace ship with the rest of us. 

I HOPE.

Side note: this is just where my head is at. I truly respect all of your opinions and ask that you respect mine too. If you agree with what I’ve said and want to talk, let’s talk! If you disagree and want to talk, we can talk too! Please, just don’t get nasty with me. This is a television show about fictional characters at the end of the day, and I am a real person. Much love to you all. ❤️

[pomefiwhore]

Danganronpa Girls in Twisted Wonderland

yeah, it's me again with another idea that suddenly popped up in my mind. it won't have all the girls from all the games though! In case you guys like my sort of crossover, I can do a second part!

note: this post only have headcanons.

Tenko Chabashira - DRV3

How she would react being in NRC?

Honestly this would be a true nightmare for her. Like- being stuck in a school full of degenarate males? Outrageous!

When she first saw Crowley pretty much she knocked him out on the floor. ''W-Who are you?! Where is my master?! Where and why am I here you stupid male?!''

She definitely would kick the ass of pretty much most of the dorm leader and the other characters in general.

And the idiot trio would have to desperately stop Tenko to try using her Aikido skills to stop an Overblot. ''I'm pretty sure you won't be able to win against someone who uses MAGIC with your FISTS Tenko!''

Would scold de idiot trio 24/7

It would at least take 2 episodes for she slowly starts to warming up with the boys (a.k.a mostly Jack and Deuce and after being wary at first, Epel too)

Dorm Leader that would get along the best with her?

Good question buddy, good question

I feel she would get along the best not with a dorm leader, but perhaps with the 1 years like Jack and Epel

Epel definitely would ask Tenko to be strong like her/practice with her. And Jack would join too because he admires her determination.

And most dorm leaders would try to avoid her as much as possible.

Angie Yonaga - DRV3

How she would react being in NRC?

Oh great! Another place to start a cult spread Atua's word!

She would be pretty chill most of the time and would try to convert as many people as possible in Atua's religion.

It won't take a while for her be seeing as a wise figure or something, after all no one can prove otherwise that she isn't talking directly to Atua.

I'm pretty sure Deuce, Kalim, Rook and Sebek would join her cult.

And maybe Riddle if she uses her almost unhuman ability to touch someone's weak point.

I feel like that after stoping an Overblot, she would try to reassuring them that ''Atua has saved us once again! Praise be to our handsome God! Nya-hahahaha!" (even If actually the reason they stopped the Overblot was because the boys beat the shit out of the overblotted one)

Dorm Leader that would get along the best with her?

I believe Kalim. He is pretty naive and probably would listen and believe to everything Angie has to say

Depending on how she manipulates Kalim, Jamil would love or completely hate her.

Hiyoko Saionji - DR2

How she would react being in NRC?

She would straight up start whining and demanding to return back home. ''I don't want to stay at a school full of ugly idiots!''

Boy, she would be such a pain the ass for most of the characters. I even ask myself if she would make it out alive due to her heavy teasing and bully behavior

Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully, Idia's bully-

Jack probably would be her personal bodyguard because of her size (even if she at the start yelled at him), and pretty much Hiyoko would take advantage of that and start crying if someone annoys her

Pretty much as Tenko, it will take quite a while until she warms up to the boys.

Dorm Leader that would get along the best with her?

Believe it or not, but I think Leona. It would be an endless teasing war and as much the lion got pissed off of her behavior, he truly respects her. Mostly because she isn't afraid of face anyone who dares to mess with her. Hiyoko has guts and he simply adores that.

Secretly would be watching over her in case things get really ugly on her side.

Yeah, the Savanaclaw boys would really like her.

Celestia Lundenberg - DR1

How she would react being in NRC?

Oh my! What an awful but interesting happening! I believe Celestia would be pretty amused by the situation, as she dreams about reaching royalty and NRC do has some princes/important people

In episode 3 who needs Leona or the idiot trio? She would easily trick Azul through her manipulation and acting. But actually if Azul comes with a deal where she can get benefits from letting the students being their slaves, I believe she may leave Ace, Deuce and Grim hanging-

Would go straight feral to Crowley once she takes a look at Ramshackle Dorm. ''Pardon moi? Just WHO do you think I am to let me stay in such a DISGUSTING place?!'

I guess different from the girls above, I don't believe she would follow the main story plot completely, especially because she is more focused to achieve her dream instead of finding a way back home/ solving overblots. (TWST would really become an otome game if Celestia was the protagonist and no, you can't deny that)

Mostly she would only help people if she gets benefits to it (yeah, with that mindset she would warm up pretty quickly to the NRC environment)

Also I feel like she would pretend to be friends with Adeuce but the first opportunity she gets to meet important people, she would let them go (she is going to have character development I promise !)

Dorm Leader that would get along the best with her?

Vil. That was sort of an obvious one. Vil would totally SIMP over Celestia and If I doubt would make Crowley transfer her to Pomefiore Dorm just to make her the most beautiful girl.

Celestia would pretty much be the few people who wouldn't complain about doing the tiring skincare routine Vil forces people do. She's feeling like a princess and she loves that.

yeah, I was lazy of doing more- but as I said in case you guys liked it I can part 2 (feel free to suggest which girls or even boys you prefer to appear in the DRXTWST headcanons)

[normal-thoughts-official]

Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hey! I am drunk on your amazing gifsets and your detailed answers ♡♡♡ I was wondering who you would cast in an american/english versiln of IPK and a Turkish one? (If you watch turkush dizi!) Thankyou!!

Oh this is a difficult ask! I don’t have much idea about american/English actors but I’ll try my best! Also, I don’t watch Turkish shows (sorry!) so I won’t be able to answer the second half. 

Honestly the reason why this is difficult is because they casted excellent actors in the original version. So I’m trying to find people who can emote as well as the original cast did. 

Also do check out @tellywoodtrash‘s list - she answered this question some time back :D She has Lakshmi, yes Lakshmi, perfectly casted so I'm not touching that! 

I hope you like the following set below! The actors I have chosen are based on their acting capabilities as opposed to looking similar to original IPK characters :)

Adam Driver as Arnav Singh Raizada

Why: This actor aces simmering rage, anger, fear, pain, cries, loss, sadness, love and his eyes speak volumes. He. Can. Stare. Arnav is one of my favorite characters because he’s so beautifully essayed by Barun - that man can layer expressions like no one else. So in my eyes, another actor I’ve been completely enamored with off late for the same reason is Adam Driver!

Ana de Armas as Khushi Kumari Gupta

Why: Knives Out. Firstly, I have actually watched very few American/English things and so far Ana struck me as an actress who can toggle between innocence, vulnerability, steadfastness, strength, joy and be an absolute sunshine! Sanaya was brilliant as Khushi and I can see Ana’s variety coming on as strengths. 

Also, just the below scenes struck me as Khushi during a downpour :)

Yep. Rabba Ve Khushi, with that barely there touch and eye lock.

John Krasinki as Akash Raizada

Why: If Akash’s role ever expanded, we might have gotten a character that was steadfast, a bit shy, someone with dry humor and an antitheses to his cousin. John certainly masters the role of a character who can give quiet quips that can steal a scene! Anyone with the last line?- It’s actually him. Remember Akash’s dialogue “Now who’s this woman who dented Arnav’s mind instead of his car?” Yup - if that Akash was expanded - this is who I see :)

P.S: I would TOTALLY have loved to see Akash’s perspective of his brother falling in love and working with the ‘ASR’ (something tells me Akash takes his brother’s anger with a pinch of salt).

Gemma Chan as Payal Gupta

Why: I loved her in Crazy Rich Asians. I think she can nail the loves-everyone-and-is-highly-practical Payal brilliantly. Payal as a character is graceful, slightly shy in expressing her emotions until someone (ASR) pisses her off that she can launch and murder the person in front of her. She kills with kindness and logic though. The whole sequence between Astrid and her useless husband in Crazy Rich Asians gave me BIG vibes of how Payal - if extended - could be as a character. 

Natalie Portman as Anjali Jha/Raizada

Why: Anjali, in my eyes is the epitome of beauty, grace and perfection. She seems so delicate, but gorgeous. Her smile radiates the household and she is the pillar of the Raizada's. But when she breaks down, when her world comes tumbling down - it caves a hole deep enough to reach hell. There’s so much love, empathy, compassion and heart in Anjali that I see someone like Natalie fit the bill :) 

Oscar Isaac as Shyam Manohar Jha

Why: Here’s your handsome, intelligent, smart, diplomatic lawyer who suits up well enough to hide his intent and actions. Oscar can easily carry a character who oozes charm, wit and diplomacy with hidden motives. It’s easy to believe his smiles and deep eyes. Given Abhaas’s greatest strength was the simmering yet hidden sinister ideas, I would love to see Oscar play Shyam cause I think he’d do the character justice. 

Naomi Scott as Lavanya Kashyap

Why: Stunning, powerful, a bit suppressed but when given room to feel, she ultimately has a heart of gold. Lavanya as a character starts off as someone who’s a bit standoffish but is actually a bit naive, incredibly lovable, emotionally mature and has the heart of a sixteen years old! Which is why I always ship her with NK (who can love her with all his heart) and why I think Naomi balances childishness, maturity, naivety and power pretty well. 

Andy Samberg as Nandkishore/NK

Why: COMIC TIMING! He’s one of the best I’ve seen of late. And someone who can be charming, kind, obnoxious, silly but can steal your heart under your nose. Also, this one actor can swiftly switch between humor and something serious which is necessary for our adorable NK.

Dame Judi Dench as Nani/Devyani Raizada

Why: I’m taking a lead out of @tellywoodtrash​‘s list (do check it out!) because Dame Judi Dench would absolutely the role of a strict matriarch with a touch of softness in her heart. Also, Nani has some sass.

Catherine O’Hara as Manorama Raizada

Why: Watch Schitt’s Creek. THIS WOMAN WILL NAIL HELLO HI BYE BYE TO ITS BEST! PERIOD!

You know she’s gonna walk into Akash and Payal’s wedding wearing the below;

Also, we don’t see this much of this in the show but she would ace in the hate to I-love-my-bahu really well. 

Eugene Levy as Mahinder Raizada

Why: Supportive, kind, in love with Mami and kinda gives into her whims until it endangers the happiness of his son. Again, watch Schitt’s Creek. I will not separate this on screen chemistry - this is Mami Mama in reality!

BONUS:(Mama and Mami dancing)

And now to the rest of the Guptas,

Meryl Streep as Madhumati/Buaji

Why: Bua ji is dramatic, intense, extremely loving - so much so she kinda destroys Khushi’s life before learning how to become a better maternal figure to Khushi. Also, Bua-ji is plain hilarious. She might be hard to love but once we know her, we just love her. She’s an excellent, difficult character. If expanded, Bua-ji could’ve been one solid matriarch who would gladly kick Arnav for not just forgetting Khushi’s birthday but much more. Who better than the iconic Meryl Streep? Also... I can’t stop laughing at the ‘war’ of dancing between Catherine O’Hara and Meryl Streep - I’d die laughing.

Tom Hanks as Shashi Gupta and Laura Dern as Garima Gupta

Why: Again, I’m borrowing them from @tellywoodtrash​‘s amazing list because they’re just perfect that way. Tom Hanks would perfectly capture the wise Shashi and I think Laura Dern would totally kill the whole Garima-had-affair-with-Arnav’s-dad track. Also, in this version Shashi would recover from paralysis and we’d have a great track on that, as opposed to Mrs Ind- let’s not talk about it.

And OF COURSE AMAN WILL BE HERE. AMAN TO LOVE OUR ANJALI. THE SWEET HANDSOME, JUST FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM, INTELLIGENT PUDDING IS AMAN MATHUR-

Look! He has a ring ready!

Hello Henry Golding!

Phew! With that it’s an end to this - thanks for asking :) 

Much love, 

- JWB

[cas-rivaille]

Hello! Can I get a matchup for jujutsu kaisen please?

Appearance : 5'4 ace/heteromantic girl ambivert.Dark brown hair/eyes (I wear glasses but they are also sun glasses because bright lights give me a headache) a little chubby/muscled and pale skin+permanent smirk/smile/ neutral face. Plump lips. My style varies a lot (always comfy) but I never wear dresses heels/makeup. I love to imagine outfits with symbols from fandoms or my own drawings so I have a rather unique style (most of the time I wear a NASA jacket and leather boots/sneakers, I also love sleeveless turtleneck) who changes a lot. I have malleable cheeks and tiny hands/fingers/wrist.

MBTI: INTP-T and chaotic neutral/good

Zodiac: Gemini sun, Taurus rising, libra moon

Enneagram : My dominant is type 5 then 8. Quizzes says that I am a 5w6 or 8w7

Personality : .Sarcastic,a little naive but I have a backbone (don't bother flirting with me and if you feel that I am flirting with you which happens a lot then it's just my personality and on the rare occasion I notice they have to confess or I won't believe it) ,calculative,protective,creative,expressive,manipulative,a devil's advocate,prideful,charismatic, smartass, bookworm, daydreamer, a little insensitive/blunt because I'm more on the logical side ,vengeful, mischievous, a huge tease, open minded, very curious, gets annoyed easily, impatient (unless it's in drawing because I am a perfectionist there) so kind of a bad temper, observant but not romantically,sadistic to a point but my conscience prevents me from doing these acts. Indifferent to many things, morally...unique as my moral compass is on the neutral side I don't believe in absolute evil/good.

With my friends I am either laughing, goofing around or annoyed. I love to give bad puns or cursed ideas who are gore/weird and saying I know y all love me. Those who don't talk to me see me as a nerd aggressive smart and blunt person ( even prideful) and strangers as polite and kind. I notice a lot of details because I don't let my guard down even if I daydream plus I have a photographic + sound memory and they work very well in all situations which can be a bother when I try to concentrate which is difficult for me because I get distracted easily. Also I have very weird reflexes so...anyone who approaches me by surprise gets hit, any sudden movement and I already have my leg/arm going their way which got me into a lot of trouble.

Dislikes: I fight for my beliefs. I have trust issues so I never talk about my problems and will use humor when confronted. Bright lights. Cooking. Slow things or people. When I get teased in a mean way (otherwise I actually like being teased it's a fun fight after). People who change side easily and hypocrites. Overly serious people. I tend to be aggressive and expose an annoyed face easily (I am moody), plus I hate orders and love pressing buttons it's funny(in a fun way rarely in a mean one) unless it's a sensitive subject. When I feel that I am unwanted or someone insults me or take me for granted I become very cold and distance myself and the relationship becomes strained the more they take time to ask for forgiveness, something I might give but will never forget.

Likes: I love cats/laughter/sweets/pranks/dark humour/ a true crime and Supernatural enthusiast and I love science especially concerning space, chemistry, robotic and psychology. Books, sleep, drawing and video games too. Cherries. Sushi.Oh and debates I love them. Surprises too I hate routine and runs away from it. I like making character analysis which I often get right but never show to the people around me because I know they will trust me less.

Hobbits : Reading, getting lost in a book, drawing, learning, debating, daydreaming, sports (I practice karate and shooting), art (piano/drawing/writing especially poetry) and video games

I have some bad habits like biting my nails (I just got rid of it by painting them black)/lips and moving my leg up and down because I am always nervous, disorganized room/sleep and eating schedule plus I am lazy. Also I might try to hide it but I am very competitive and a sore loser

Fun fact : I dream a lot and write my dreams. I don't mind nightmares on the contrary I welcome them because I find them to be a nice experience and they give me ideas plus the amount of emotions you can feel is amazing. I also tend to curse while talking.

I rarely get motivated but when I do I give a very good work and put my soul in it, if I don't reach my goal I feel down for a while and become very snappy.

I am a lazy student (hell if I don't feel like writting I don't especially exercises that I understood) but also at top of my class so none says anything (i can befriend people easily if I want to, teachers included). My projects are often done last minute or just improvisation but I get a good mark at them which means that yes sometimes I can become arrogant and I don't really know what it feels like to study really hard and fail sorry. But I know it will bite me later. I often argue my way out of a situation with anyone : I know the exercise why should I write it? If I told you the answer then I know how I got it and you know it too no need for me to write the correction. Mum the brain is a muscle too so I am in fact exercising.

When dealing with an emotional person I don't know what to do I will try to give them words to keep going, it succeed but I am rather harsh plus I try to make jokes to cheer them up.But if a friend breaks down before me I will do my best to cheer them up (ahem jokes and reminding them of all the success they achieved) and if I am comfortable and they want a hug I will give it. I hate people who denies that others helped them.

My love language is gifts, quality time, a little act of service and affection in private if comfortable. I also love to send memes saying it reminds me of us/you and holding pinkies.

Please can you not consider geto,mahito, nanami, todo and junpei as matchups I am uncomfortable with them.

I am stubborn, moody (one day I can be really cold/snappy to the person because I am in a bad mood but I apologize after) and can be perceived as unloving even if it's not the case, well sometimes but I usually love affection despite me never saying affectionate things.

Thank you very much for your time! 😋

AHHH THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST !! this is my first jjk one i hope you like it !!

i won't be answering it in order lol i do it on memory then go back to make sure i got everything i hope that's okay !!

as for your matchup.... ITADORI

so a lot influenced my decision on this, first thing being

your mood, you said repeatedly how you can get moody and we all know itadori our precious bby is a ball of sunshine and very easy going. he would totally understand me give you space if you needed it and just try his best to help you feel better if something is bothering you :)

he would LOVE to link pinkies with you and spend quality time with you

our baby is a resident ISFP so you two def have similar aspects

he would love your pressing buttons/hating orders part of your personality bc i feel like it would lead to several clashes between you and some of the teachers and he would think that's SO FUNNY OMG

he also loves your sense of humor and there is never a dull moment between you two

if you were comfy with it, he would love to hear about your dreams because he thinks it's so cool that you write them down

please let him paint your nails he would love it

he would send you memes too x10 this boy has endless memes in his phone, you're guaranteed a laugh when you text him.

he would totally appreciate your way of cheering people up because it's exactly what he needs

you best invite this boy to anything karate related because he thinks it's SO COOL i mean we all know he has natural abilities but putting it into a martial arts form is s o amazing to him and he really admires you

don't be surprised if he asks you to draw him

IF YOU LEAVE HIM POETRY OR A LOVE NOTE HE WILL MELT ON SPOT. GONE. ASCENDED. EVAPORATED.

he loves your style and think you look so badass

i totally hc itadori somewhere on the ace spectrum, probably demi

dates??:

VIDEO GAME DATES

going and getting sushi together in the middle of the night low key just sneaking out

ARCADES

nights in watching crime shows or supernatural he absolutely LOVES occult stuff as we know he would probably make the two of you try a ouija board

COOKING DATES you two would make dinner for the first years and gojo every now and then and all the praises go to your cooking it's so good

all in all, itadori is the calm to your storm, you two mesh together very well and he loves you with his whole heart

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING HAVE A GOOD MORNING/DAY/EVENING/NIGHT !!

- cas :)

[staylovehearts]

Love on second chance

Han Jisung x Reader

Word Count ~5.1k

Summary: Maybe it was naive to believe that after your confession everything would be like a romance movie, maybe you should have been prepared for rejection

Tags: friends to lovers?, some angst, fluffy ending tho, Felix is in this for some reason

"I'm so sorry, I don't feel the same way."

If this was a movie that would be the record scratch freeze-frame moment. You may be wondering how I got here? Maybe there would be some kind of rewind, a montage, or some time loop of everything that has lead up to the moment where you confess your feelings to Han Jisung. The boy you've been crushing on for maybe half a year now. And it seemed to be going so well. You finally managed to get closer to him, befriend him, spend time with him. Confessing was the next logical step. Or so you thought. Sadly, life isn't a movie, so you'll have to deal with him rejecting you in real-time, no comedic-relief interruption.

"I see", you mumble. What else is there even to say? No one really goes into a confession preparing for what would happen if you're turned down. At least you didn't. You tend to write scripts in your mind, planning out dialogues and dreaming up scenarios. And the script for this scene looked completely different when you were imagining it. It started with you giving Jisung that dramatic speech, detailing all the things you like about him and ending it with a passionate confession of love that would leave him speechless for a moment before he'd just kiss you, one hand on your back the other in your hair, pulling you as close as he physically can. Sunset over the river that you passed on your little walk in the background. You already failed at the sunset. Wrong timing. Also, it's kind of cloudy, might even rain soon. But those were setbacks you were willing to accept. A whole alteration of your perfect script, however, is nothing you came prepared for. Maybe you shouldn't have been so naive.

"I'm really sorry", Jisung repeats. He looks extremely uncomfortable. Apparently, he has no idea how to handle this situation either. Maybe confessing out here was stupid. You'll still have to walk back to the next station at least. You can already feel the uncomfortable silence pressing down on you.

"It's not your fault", you finally manage to say. It really isn't. If anyone here is to blame it's probably you. But that's just how it is when you gamble. The more you bet the more you can lose. And you're not as much of an Ace of Hearts as you thought you were. "You feel what you feel and I feel what I feel and I guess there is nothing to be done about that."

"Maybe you're right, but I still feel bad about it. I hope we can still be friends though." There it is, that dreaded sentence. Part of you wants to say yes right away. The clingy naive part that refuses to give up. If he's asking to remain friends that must mean he still wants you, right? That he still likes you. That he still wants to be close to you. But the new, more cynical part of your mind that is beginning to form knows that he wants you as a friend only. Nothing more than that. Maybe he's even hoping that you can just go back to how things were, pretend this confession never happened. So he won't have to feel bad about turning you down anymore. Maybe he's hoping that this will be one of those in ten years we'll probably laugh about it scenarios. But you don't want it to be.

"I'm sorry I'll just... need some time to get over you. And I don't think I can do that when I still see you all the time. I need some distance. Sorry."

"I get it... I guess. I'm really, really sorry."

If he says sorry just one more time you might actually start feeling bad for him. Which is so twisted actually. Because aren't you the one who's heart just got broken? You shouldn't emphasise with him for breaking it. Sure, he didn't mean to, but with every apology, every moment of him looking sad about it you're starting to feel worse about your confession. Because see, now you made him sad, is that what you wanted? It wasn't obviously. But it's what you get. It's all your fault.

"I think I should go now", you say. You can already feel your bottom lip trembling, the tears welling up in your eyes. You don't want to cry in front of Jisung, not now. Not when things are like this. Because it'll only make him feel worse. And he'll try so hard to comfort you and it will only make the whole thing more uncomfortable. Sure, you lost but maybe you can at least keep a little bit of dignity.

"Sure, maybe I'll see you around?", Jisung mumbles awkwardly. You shrug your shoulders.

"Wouldn't count on it", you answer, voice already cracking. Then you turn on your heel and walk as fast as you can without running.

It's been roughly two weeks since Jisung turned you down. Two weeks that you spent mostly just sitting at home either dramatically crying to sad music or stuffing yourself with ice cream or whatever other snacks you had lying around while watching every cheesy romance drama you could find online. And sure, maybe you're acting a little dumb and cliche or whatever. But it hurts and all of this actually does make it feel better. And yet you also realise that you just can't live as a shut-in, wallowing in self-pity forever. All your friends realise it too. Though most of them are patient with trying to invite you out and cheer you up they are starting to become pushier. It's just a matter of time until someone actually breaks in and forces you out of your room. And it's very likely that Felix will be the one to do it.

At least that is what it seems like judging by how insistent he is to invite you to his little house party this weekend. Or rather the small get together as he has called it in his initial pitch.

"Oh come on, it's really not a big deal, just some friends. We're only going to play some games, maybe watch a movie, no excessive drinking or anything. It'll be fun."

You can pretty much hear Felix's pout even though his voice does sound a little muffled through your phone. You switch it from one hand to another before you press it against your ear again, simultaneously rolling over in your bed a little. You knock over an empty ice cream container in the process, a dirty spoon falling out of it and clattering onto the floor. Yuck, you really should clean up around here again.

"Ugh, fine, but I won't stay long", you grumble. You don't need to be able to see Felix to imagine that winning grin on his face.

"Great, bring some snacks if you can!", he says happily. And normally he would hang up with that, but the sentence is followed by a pregnant silence. So tense that it feels like one of those you could hear a needle drop kind of scenarios. You wait with bated breath until Felix finally continues to speak. "There is one thing though... Jisung will be there as well. Probably. I guess he kinda told me what happened so if you're uncomfortable seeing him I totally get it."

You take a deep breath in, trying to calm yourself. You've expected this. Of course, you have. Felix and Jisung are basically inseparable. In fact, you only ended up getting to know Felix after you befriended Jisung. And while you have gotten quite close to him where he is long past just being your crush's best friend there is no denying that at the very beginning getting closer to Felix was just a sideproduct of getting closer to Jisung.

"Is this what this is actually about? Because if you're planning to invite both of us over so we can talk things out I'm not interested." Okay, maybe that did sound a little too snappy. Maybe it's only natural for Felix wanting to play the mediator, after all, he is basically stuck in between. He probably doesn't want to sacrifice his newer friendship to you just because his best friend just broke your heart. And if you're being honest you don't want to lose Felix as a friend either. Even if that means that maybe you will have to occasionally see Jisung.

"No, no, that's not what this is about at all. I swear. I get that you don't want to see him right now. But I kinda miss hanging out with you and not inviting you would have felt wrong. But if you really don't want to we could just meet up at another time? Like just us, or at least just us and some people that aren't Jisung."

Another deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Let go of all the negative emotions and try to be the bigger person. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't make you feel like you have to pick between your friends. I'll come, but if things get awkward please don't be mad if I leave early."

"I totally get that, but I'm so happy that you're coming. I promise you won't regret it", Felix's bubbly voice is almost enough to convince you that this is actually something that could be good for you. Almost. You can hear some sounds through your phone, probably someone else walking up to Felix. For a moment you can hear hushed voices talking, but you can only really make out Felix's part of the conversation – mostly just small humms and yes or of course not – the other person is completely inaudible. You clear your throat just loud enough to remind Felix that he is still on the phone with you.

"Ah sorry", he mutters. "Gotta go now, see you soon though. I'll text you the details later." Before you can even say goodbye he has already hung up again. You put your phone back down next to your pillow and take a moment to look around the room. You catch your reflection looking back at you from the mirror on your closet door. Maybe your room isn't the only thing in need of some cleaning.

It's a wonder what an hour in the bathroom and wearing some of your favourite clothes can do to boost your confidence. Well, maybe you are a little overdressed for this little get-together, but it's all self-care, right? And maybe there is just a tiny dash of revenge in it as well. Because what better way to prove to the guy who turned you down that you are doing just fine than waltzing around his best friends' party looking stunning and unbothered? Okay, it's probably more of that than anything else. But if you can prove to Jisung that you are completely over him, thank you very much, maybe you can fool yourself into believing it as well.

So you ring the doorbell, hair done, a bit of makeup on, slightly overdressed and smelling of that fruity-scented shower gel that always makes you feel good. It's almost half an hour before the time that Felix told you to be here. Which is deliberate as well. He does look a little surprised when he opens the door for you though.

"Oh, hey, you're here early", he mumbles, taking a confused step to the side to let you in. You, instead, go in for a quick hug first and then hand him the few packages of snacks you picked up from a grocery store on your way here.

"Yeah, sorry about that, but I had nothing else to do and I figured I could maybe help you set up things?", you suggest while making your way inside. Felix's parents must be out for the night, which you already assumed, but now you can clearly tell from the lack of silence. EDM music is coming from the good speakers in the living room, something Felix's parents would never tolerate if they were here.

"Well, now that you're here already...", Felix mumbles.

You two spend the next twenty minutes putting all the snacks and some drinks on the table in the living room. You clear any random items off the couch to make sure there will be as much room as possible while Felix gets a couple extra cushions to put on the floor just in case. After that, he begins setting up his console while you browse through the DVD collection. Sure, you could also just watch something on Netflix, but there is just something fun about DVDs. Probably because you can only have a few of them, so you have to pick and chose and collect only your favourite movies so you can watch them over and over again. A person's DVD collection probably says a lot about them. Well, if they still have one. Judging by some of the movies in this collection most of it probably belongs to Felix's parents. But there are a couple in there that are so definitely his.

Maybe ten minutes after the time Felix told you to be here the first people arrive. Because being exactly on time is lame, apparently. And then, as it often is with such events, people suddenly seem to all come at once. For five minutes or so the doorbell is ringing at least twice a minute until everyone is gathered in the living room. Every time a new person arrived and Felix went to open the door you kind of trailed behind him. First of all, because you are curious to see who else is coming. And second because you kind of don't want to be left alone. Because these people are Felix's friends. And while most of them are probably also Jisung's friends one way or another and you might have seen them on some occasion once you don't really know any of them. And the only other person that you really know well is not someone you want to spend time with right now. Which is why you're going to try your best to cling to Felix for most of the night. Actually, that's the main reason why you decided to show up early. If you had shown up around time or later you would have risked someone else being there first. And that person might have already got Felix roped into a super interesting conversation that you wouldn't be able to invade. So you had to make sure to be the first. Because maybe that would make tailing him for the entire night a little less awkward. And so far that has worked quite well. Maybe because Felix has also sensed that you don't want to be left alone, but even when new people start to arrive he still makes sure you are included in every conversation.

Jisung is the last to show up and just as you have with the other guest you follow Felix to the door, not knowing but already sort of expecting what's to come. Still, when you see Jisung there and your eyes meet you hide behind Felix instinctively. For a second the three of you all just stand there, no one really knowing what to do. There is an awkward tension hanging in the air as the two friends stand there, Felix trying to act completely unaware of the situation and Jisung looking everywhere but at you. And since you are standing right behind Felix, he is also pretty much looking at everything except his best friend.

"Come on, don't just stand there", Felix finally says, his voice overly cheerful. Jisung smiles a smile that is so clearly forced that it hurts just to look at it.

"Yeah sorry for holding up traffic, it's good to see you", he mumbles. For just a moment he looks directly at you and slightly nods his head. A blink and you miss it gesture. But it's enough to make you feel like something just shattered inside you. And there you thought you were starting to get over him. It's weird because you figured that you'd grow to despise Jisung for turning you down like this. That you would become bitter and no longer want to be near him. But despite everything he's still Jisung. He's still the boy you fell in love with. The one who'd always make you smile and who'd pout at you cutely whenever you poked fun at him. The boy who used to share his cake with you and who always looked like an adorable little hamster chewing on his share of the food. Despite everything, he's still Jisung. And you're still in love with him.

Still, things seem to go well for a while. Even though you and Jisung are in a room now and you basically suffer every time you as much as cross eyes with him, you're able to forget that he is there most of the time. It's easy with a group of other people shouting and laughing almost non-stop. And also there is Felix who you cling to as if your life depends on it. Well, at least you manage to do that for most of the time. But of course, you knew that this plan was bound to fail sooner or later. And when Felix winds up in an intense argument with two of his friends whose names you don't even know you're left to yourself. Which means that it's time to hide for a while.

You walk over to the kitchen after announcing to whoever was close enough to hear you speak that you are going to get yourself something to drink. Not that anyone particularly cared. You’re leaned against the pretty marble counter in the middle of the room, back to the door, a glass of cold tap water in one hand when you suddenly hear someone else entering.

"So, are you and Felix dating now?" You recognise the person behind you right away. That voice is just way too familiar. But you still turn around slowly, hoping that somehow it will be someone else standing there. But it's Jisung. Of course, it's Jisung. He's standing in the doorway leading into the kitchen. The only door leading into the kitchen. And thus also the only way out of it. And you are standing next to the fridge, only the kitchen counter between you and the boy who broke your heart. And is now inquiring about your relationship status out of the blue. As if that's any of his concern now. Still, you're basically backed into a corner with Jisung blocking the only exit. Fight or flight and well, the escape route is blocked so...

"Huh, where is this coming from? Why do you even care?" You basically throw the words at Jisung with more rage than you even realised you had. Or maybe it's sadness. Frustration. It's the first time you've actually spoken to him since the confession and he has nothing better to do than making assumptions about you dating someone else. Jisung actually recoils a little, but he's still in the way.

"You know, you're clinging to his side the whole time and all that. I'm not judging, I'd be happy for you if... you know", he raises his hands while talking as if to calm a wild animal. Or a panicked pet that managed to escape from its cage somehow. And the worst thing is that he actually seems to mean it. He doesn't even see how his words might be hurtful to you. He doesn't even think that there might be something wrong with it. Your first notion about how he intends to handle this situation was right apparently. He thinks this meant nothing. And that it will all be forgive forget and we'll laugh about it in a few weeks.

"You broke my damn heart not even three weeks ago and now you think I'm trying to hit it off with your best friend? What the hell, Jisung? Do you really take me for that kind of person? Do you think after everything I said to you I could just move on and find someone else in just a few weeks? Do you think that this is how I treat other people? That this is how I treat my own emotions? Because I'm really serious about what I feel and I don't just tell people that I like them if I don't actually mean it. But if that's what you honestly think of me then I'm starting to wonder why I ever even liked you in the first place!"

You push past a completely stunned Jisung before he can manage to bounce back from the verbal punch you just dealt. Good. You probably wouldn't be able to deal with any more of this. You stumble into Felix on your way through the hallway and he gives you a slightly confused slightly concerned look seeing how you are clearly worked up and probably close to tears.

"Hey, what's going on?", he asks, grabbing you by the wrist gently, but with just enough force to make you stop in your tracks.

"I'm going to leave. I'm sorry", you mumble. You avoid looking directly at him, worrying that the compassion in his eyes would be enough to break you completely. And you don't really want to start crying here. It's not you're party so sadly you can't cry if you want to.

"Did something happen? I swear if he said anything stupid to you I will kick his ass."

"It's fine I just can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry for spoiling your night."

Felix sighs. "You're not spoiling anything. I get it, it's fine. Take care on your way home. Text me if you want to talk."

He pulls you into a quick hug before letting go off you entirely, allowing you to go and grab your shoes before sneaking out the door.

You haven't even made it around the lock when you hear the loud sounds of fast footsteps catching up to you. Your first instinct is to walk faster, just slightly, not running just speedwalking. All possessions clutched tightly, tight grip on your keys. Then you hear the voice calling out to you and maybe running isn't that bad of an idea after all.

"Hey, stop, I just want to talk to you!" Jisung sounds out of breath already. He must have run all the way just to catch up. As if he hasn't already said enough. You stop and turn around to yell back at him.

"If the others told you to go after me and apologise you can save your breath. I don't want to hear about it."

Jisung slows down a bit, trying to catch his breath, but he doesn't stop walking towards you.

"It's not that at all", he shouts. Almost automatically you start glancing around yourself for any random passerby listening in on the conversation before you turn back to Jisung. By then he has come close enough to speak in a normal volume. No more shouting needed. And you still didn't run away. "Please, I just want to talk", he says.

You look around yourself again before you let out a sigh. "Fine, then let's go somewhere and talk. The last thing I want to do right now is causing a scene."

Jisung sets down his tray on the table between you. He's got himself some fries and a strawberry milkshake. Because he insisted that you had to at least get something if you were going to lother around and block a table. He also offered to get you something, even said he'd pay for it. But you've turned him down. You just want to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"So, what did you want to talk about?", you ask impatiently, after Jisung has fumbled around with the lid of his milkshake for a while because he forgot to get himself a straw. He looks up at you with an almost bashful expression.

"It's just... I'm really sorry. About earlier. I shouldn't have said that. That was stupid of me." He seems to mean it. Even though you're not sure whether he has actually realised his mistake or if he just feels bad for offending you. But in either way, his apology is genuine. And yet, you can't really get yourself to forgive him that easily.

"Is that it?", you ask. Seeing Jisung's hurt expression you want to take it back immediately. But you won't get anywhere if you just back down every time someone gets uncomfortable. It's just the way feelings work. Someone will get hurt. And it has never been about trying to avoid that hurt, it's about learning to deal with it. Learning to cope and to talk it out and to make it go away again. Maybe it's time for that now.

"I just, and I know this must sound super silly to you, I got so jealous seeing you with Felix earlier. And it was stupid of me to accuse you like this. But for a moment I was afraid that you actually moved on that fast. Because I didn't want you to. And I know that's selfish, but I wanted you to still be into me."

You let out an annoyed huff to let Jisung know that this is in fact very much selfish and not really helping his case right now, but he doesn't let it discourage him from speaking.

"Because I like you too. And I didn't realise how much until I didn't have you around me anymore. And when I saw you with someone else I just kinda lost it completely. I can't bear to lose you."

Instead of replying you reach out a hand and snatch one of Jisung's fries.

"Hey!", he complains as you dip the fry you just stole from him into his milkshake, making sure to scrape up as much of it as the tiny piece of burnt potato can hold.

"Shush, let me have this", you say, popping the loaded fry into your mouth. You catch Jisung's gaze and suddenly both of you are smiling. And then you're laughing. And it's as if a weight has been lifted off your chest. You haven't felt this free in weeks. But of course, the moment doesn't last and the two of you quickly fall back into an awkward silence. Yet you're also not done talking. And there are some things you need to say now or you will maybe never be able to say them at all.

"You know, I'm still really hurt and as much as I'd like to just say that I still like you as well and pretend like everything is alright now, I just can't."

"I get that. And as I've said before, I'm really sorry. I was stupid back then and I didn't realise how much you meant to me until you weren't around anymore. It's like I took you for granted. And I shouldn't have. I swear, if I could turn back time I would. If I could go back to the day you confessed to me I would tell you that I feel the same about you."

"You can't though. We can't replay that scene, it's over." And the script you wrote for it in your mind is torn to shreds and thrown away.

"How about a new scene then?", Jisung suggests. You raise one eyebrow at him, trying to give him a questioning look but he just grins at you. "Let's start again right here." He stretches his arms out as if to point to the place around him. At this time of night, the fast-food shop isn't really full, but it isn't empty either. It's filled with a weird mixture of businessmen who just want to get a single black coffee-to-go and groups of young people that are between slightly tipsy and straight-up high lining up to order insane amounts of fries and cheap burgers with too much sauce. The place is kinda dirty, there are still crumbs on your table from who knows what time of day, a mustard stain on the chair next to yours. The air smells greasy and some annoying pop song is playing from a speaker that must be rather close to you and still you can't locate it precisely.

"Jisung, I don't think-" But he doesn't let you finish. Instead, he reaches out and grabs your hand.

"Listen, I really like you. Because you're cute and funny and beautiful. And you have such a good way with words, you made me the most beautiful confession I have ever heard and I was so flattered to hear all of that from something as wonderful as yourself. And having you as my friend is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Because you add so much to my life, I feel like I could never get bored with you. And I like that you're weird, I like that you dip your fries into ice cream and milkshakes and how you sometimes just stare into thin air as if you're somewhere completely different. And sometimes you're really quiet as if you're stuck in your head, but I still like you then. Because you're dreamy and sort of weird and just such an amazing person to be around. And I'm sorry that I took you for granted. Could you find it in your heart to forgive me? I'm not asking you to just date me right away after I hurt you like this. All I'm asking is that we can try again. And if you ever want to make that confession again I promise I'll respond properly."

It's weird. This is nothing like you imagined it. The setting is far from romantic, the mood far from perfect. No one would write a script like that. But that has always been the thing that makes Jisung so attractive to you. He breaks the script. He doesn't need one. He just says whatever he thinks. Whatever he feels. He's so genuine. So easy to make you forget about all your overthinking. Put the script aside and just watch how things will play out.

"I accept your apology", you mumble. With your thumb, you draw a tiny circle onto the back of Jisung's hand and he gently squeezes yours back. "I'm ready to try again."

[kopikokun]

Ship w/ nct? I'm introverted, shy, & awkward. If I open up, I'm funny/silly. Very affectionate; If you're comfortable with it too, I lean into you, have my hand on your thigh, or playfully slap your butt. Kind to everyone & put everyone before myself. In love w/ music (I love a little bit of all genres). Also love watching movies & dramas, but I have a dorky side too & I play video games. Physically: long thick black hair, big brown eyes, small boopable nose, & chubby cheeks. 5'5 & 99 liner. 💞

hello baby!! for some reason, this was pretty instant (although i did have second thoughts when you said you like gaming) but i’d ship you with taeil!

— BEFORE DATING.

> taeil thinks you’re endearing esp since you’re younger than him

> when he looks at you, he just wants to protect you and make you feel safe 🥺🥺

> at the beginning, he thought that you were just this insanely cute little baby he had to protect, and he’d never imagined that he’d start to harbour any romantic feelings towards you

> he felt like he’d be tainting your innocence if he started to like you (???)

> but once you began opening up to him and the others?

> wow, was he stunned.

> you turned out to be a very energetic and funny person

> you sort of made a fool of yourself at times, but you always managed to make him laugh

> in short, he had a lot of fun with you

> and he started to see you in a different light

> you were no longer just a sweet innocent naive little girl he wanted to protect from the outside world

> no, you had become a woman in his eyes

> and a really beautiful woman at that

> taeil could never look at you the same way again

> soon, he started to notice all the subtle little details about you

> he felt a little bad that he liked you at first

> and lowkey, he tried to deny it

> but when you started to become more touchy?

> oh my god, it just cemented the fact that taeil really likes you

> first, it was just leaning into him during movie nights, and he thought nothing of it (although he held his breath for a solid twenty seconds at first lol)

> and then gradually you were linking his arm with yours, leaning your head on his shoulder, lying down on his lap

> and one night, (again, during a movie night) when you just nonchalantly rested your hand on his thigh like it was nothing,

> he went INSANE

> obv he couldn’t show it

> but trust me, if you had asked him what the movie was about

> he would have absolutely no idea

> and when you were like, ‘oh sorry, am i making you uncomfortable?’ and pulled your hand away, taeil just put his hand over yours and was like ‘no, uh, it’s okay. keep it there’ and he was feelin a little brave that night, and kept his hand on yours the whole time 🥰

> and that one time you playfully slapped his butt?

> man could not think straight for a whole day

> like, he actually thinks you’re flirting with him bcs he didn’t think that’s how you just normally are

> so, that’s why he’s confident enough to confess to you out of the blue

— DATING MOON TAEIL.

> moon taeil is the definition of bf

> he’s an underrated king 🥺

> okay, but, taeil is super protective of you and caring towards your needs

> will bend over backwards to make you happy

> lives to see you smile

> you guys def binge dramas together

> he gets so invested too

> he will 100% be singing the ost in the shower lmaoooo

> his fav thing to do is cuddle up next to you and just watch a movie together, ac on and just keeping cosy with your body heat

> def the type to put on a song while you guys cook or something and sing along softly

> please, imagjne being able to hear taeil’s soft, calm singing voice 🥺

> not big on the pda, but def surprisingly touchy in private

> likes ‘secretly’ holding your hand or sneaking you little kisses when the guys are around though

> it’s not very sneaky and sometimes you guys get caught, and he’s shy but lowkey, man kinda proud tho lol

> likes that the others know that you’re his

> since you’re pretty affectionate and touchy with the others

> so he lowkey gets jealous and does a little pda to be like,

> ‘yeah, i’m the only one who’ll be kissing her and getting this typa affection’

> gets embarrassed after tho, when you’ve left and he gets teased about it

> this might be nsfw? but he likes bathing together

> not showering, bathing. in like a bath tub. because showering together w just everything out makes him flustered loll

> likes the intimacy of it and finds it super romantic

> like he doesn’t even take it in a sexual way usually (unless you want him to 😼), it’s just something he’ll suggest to wind down

> just likes chilling and talking to you, your back pressed to his chest as he litters soft, appreciative kisses all over your back, or tracing little hearts

> ugh taeil’s just romantic as hell bro 🥺🥺

> WILL light a scented candle for the ~atmosphere~

> and he would love to blow dry your hair afterwards 🥺🥺 and run his hands through them 🥺🥺🥺 and like lowkey taking a whiff because he loves the smell of it after you’ve bathed together

> cause like you guys smell the same and that makes him happy 🥰

> since he’s not that much taller than you,

> it’s the perfect height for nose kisses 🥺

> he’ll just subconsciously do it when he sees you do something cute or you scrunch your nose at him

> he’ll be like ‘must kith the nose 😡🥺’

> loves it when you game

> and you get invested

> he just vibes with you and doesn’t bother you at all

> loves when you dork out over a game

> ugh you’re the cutest

> if you have a console, he’ll want you sitting in his lap as you play

> and if there’s a game he’s good at, he’ll totally pull that thing where he’ll have you in his lap and cage you in his arms as he plays

> basically, taeil is a short king and must be recognised for that 😡😡

requests are open. | rules.

[shinahbee]

November Favorites 2020!

 Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing?  I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                           Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed   , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties  and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of  the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building  between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading?  but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him  and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another.  in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                             Anime/ Drama

  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------                                         

Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

-------------------------------------------------------------------

                             Music

--------------------------------------------------------------------       

i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

------------------------------------------------------------------------

so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

---------------------------------------------

     Social media      

Devianatart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, JULIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of BRUTUS. Admin Rogue: There is always something about the way you write unvarnished truth that gets me, every single time. Boris is not a likable character by any means, but I still find myself curious about him when seen through your lens. You want to make ruin of him, or maybe for him to make ruin of us, and it’s so attractively despicable that I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know if we’ve ever had a character this unapologetic, not just to some but to every single person in Verona. Let them try and eat him, let them spit him back out, let them realize he will not be swallowed no matter how much he deserves it. I can already see the way he’ll burn across the dash, a torch-song I want to touch, and I couldn’t be happier to welcome you back to us in this new and exciting form! Please review the CHECKLIST and send your account in within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB. 

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Julie

Age | 20

Preferred Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | Given that I’ll probably be stuck at home searching for a job for the next month, I figure my activity will be okay. The usual reply every other day or so situation, I hope!

Timezone | MST

Triggers | Already listed!

How did you find the rp?  | Two years ago I went diving into the LSRPG tag because I was curious and now here we are. :)

Current/Past RP Accounts | Santino, Loretta, Lucien

IN CHARACTER

Character | Brutus / Boris Kovrov

What drew you to this character? | Brutus, I think, is one of the most human characters in Diverona by default, without development, in the sense that he is so selfish it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out. It’s the same with most people: we encourage each other to take time to themselves, to put themselves first, but can feel rebuffed or insulted when they actually do that. Boris has taken that to the ultimate extreme: everything he does is for himself and no one else. He didn’t ascend within the Montagues because he wanted to further his family’s social standings, he did it because he alone wanted to succeed.

He’s not apologetic about it, either, and that’s what makes him so interesting. At all times, Boris is fully aware he is perceived as underhanded and generally disliked among the mob, but he’s so good at what he does that it doesn’t matter. He returns to Verona with a searing brand of shame in the form of his personal betrayal, and anyone could see that if they just fucking looked close enough, but they don’t. That’s where his talent really lies, and that’s what makes him so weirdly endearing to me: he makes himself valuable, and even when he does the worst possible thing a person could do in a mob, it still doesn’t undercut his worth. He makes himself out to be a friend, lies and lies and lies, and because most people don’t want to make the effort or choose not to, it’s believable.

Some might call him cut-throat, or a coward, a backstabber, potentially even brutal: he’s not ashamed of sprinkling rat poison into the food of his competition if it means he’ll succeed. He’s an opportunist at best and a manipulator at worst, and if there’s anything to be said about Verona, it’s that the manipulators usually come out at the front of the pack. The last sentence or so in his bio are what really sealed the deal for me: “The historians fail to mention that the traitors are the ones who survive, who outlive empires and kingdoms, who lay their sovereigns to rest and spread their ashes like trail markers.” God help him, Boris will come out of Verona alive, no matter how much of it he feeds into and how much of himself he lets it consume.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

• Fly not; stand stiff: ambition’s debt is paid. I’d love to see some real-time consequences for Boris’ betrayal of the Montague family. Others have been ousted for less, but somehow he gets to remain? That doesn’t seem particularly fair, but Boris couldn’t give a shit about fair if he tried. He sold his information to a mob in Russia for the purpose of a safety net. Other emissaries also deal with Russia – it’d make sense that one of them might hear about the dark dealings and try to use it to their own advantage, were they so ambitious. Or maybe it will come from someone higher up, like Castora, who knows more than they’ve let on. Maybe this will lead to his demotion, his death, Damiano’s assassination, the ushering in of a new era – who knows? These things don’t play out without someone paying the price, and I want Brutus to pay in full.

• I kill’d not thee with half so good a will. In my head, Boris has been out of the picture for some time now, working on relations between the American families and the Montagues to keep business booming. I’d love to explore the Verona Boris left a little over a year ago (totally headcanon, by the way! I’m happy to adjust wherever necessary) and how it’s changed in comparison to what it is now. Roman Montague has failed as an heir, the Witches hung in a public trial, all illusions of neutrality or working towards peace have been shot right through the middle. Damiano is unraveling at the seams, and the question of who will lead the Montagues lacks an answer entirely. It’s complete and utter chaos: messy, bloody, exactly the kind of environment Boris thrives in. I want him to wreak as much havoc as possible in his own way, and if he can’t do that, then I’d like to see him secure his seat closest to the throne when the concept of a coup becomes inevitable.

• But hollow men, like horses hot at hand / Make gallant show and promise of their mettle. He hunts Tomas Sabello and Bernadette du Pont because they are the easiest openings into both sides of the mobs. Bernadette is croquettish and manipulative but still naive, in Boris’ eyes, to the difficult path which lies ahead. I could see him trying to sway her to the Montagues if she would only listen. Grace Daly had done it for less, after all. Sabello, on the other hand, is Boris’ favorite target: throat exposed, head leaned back, weeping tears of sorrow over his wife. Boris has experience with the follies of the heart and he can see that Celeste has never loved the man, and frankly, Boris doesn’t think there’s much to the man to love. He’s hollow on the inside, scraped out with a metal spoon. His arrival so late into the act poses some difficulties, but he’s hopeful he’ll be able to pick up where he left off.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Absolutely!

IN DEPTH

In-Character Para Sample:

Valentina Gallo dies a violent death. An inextricable, unforgiving death. An ugly death. When they take pull her body from her brother’s arms, and she is taken in to be seen by Damiano’s own eyes, witness the violence which has laid itself across the barren field of a corpse –

This is when Boris is called home.

Exit, Viola.

Enter, Brutus.

He bids Lorenzo and the rest of the Gambino family farewell that same night over the phone: Lorenzo calls him a bastard for not shaking his hand before saying goodbye, but Boris has other things on his mind: A plane. The brisk cold mornings that give way to blustery sunshine. Damiano greeting him as a member of the family instead of an extension of his long reach, like he had a year ago. He can remember the phone call well. He’d run it through, night after night, dissecting and picking apart intonation and tone and the speed with which Damiano had dismissed him, like a dog begging for scraps hastily shoved away from the dinner table. He lets the familiarity of the conversation wash over him as he settles in his plane seat the night of the twenty-seventh. He’ll be there by morning.

I’ll be there to greet you, Damiano had said. Boris had tried not to read into it too much.

New York was intended to be punishment and apology wrapped up into one. Damiano sent him off to deal with the budding crime syndicates and crush them under the imaginary Montague heel. He would spread seeds of dissent and terror: most fall silent when he enters a room for good reason, and it is in this way that he gets them to listen when he speaks. Most would not expect a man as imposing as Boris to speak so passionately; he’s always been a fan of turning ideas on their heads. By weaving tales of just what the Montague family has at its disposal, he alone would stamp out the passionate flames of greed and light his own small fire of fear.

In his younger years this would have intimidated Brutus. When he’d received the call a year ago, he’d only felt dread.

But he’d done well. It took him five months to chase down every single lead provided to him by men paid under the table, and after that, all there had been to do was clean up the mess and socialize. Shake hands with the shattered fragments of the once-powerful mob families, reach out to the contacts he’d had in Canada and New Orleans, as they were perhaps the most influential, the ones who could sway the boat with weaponry and other fun and exciting goods that still had his heart pounding when he looked at them.

He’d thought about calling Evgeny once, and only once: when Damiano had chewed him out over the phone for something that was not his fault and hadn’t been in his wheelhouse to begin with. Boris knew, that night, what Evgeny would say. Patience, Kovrov. We’ll be here when you’re ready.

When you’re ready. Whatever that meant. For all Evgeny knew, Boris would never be ready. He’d die with Verona just out of reach.

He startles awake as the plane hits turbulence coming into Verona, heading towards the landing strip. It’s a bumpy landing, but he’s never done well in planes to begin with. He thinks, often, of his father, who had marked to Boris that all would be well just before returning to Russia. The flight wouldn’t make it, of course. Damiano had ensured it: Sasha Kovrov had been dead weight long enough. All he could’ve hoped for, Boris thought, was that his son would prove worthy of something.

And he had. He’d crawled on his hands and knees across glass and gravel, waded through blood and sweat, and tears – never his own, if he could help it – to see the Montague family through to the other side. Could he really have been blamed for wanting to ensure he had some sort of future laid out for him, even if it wasn’t in the name of the two old bloodlines of Verona? In return, he’d gotten: a usurpation of a position that should have been his, a pound’s worth of rat poison that he couldn’t use, distrust among his peers and disgust from the one man who should have seen his dedication, and a promise he couldn’t act upon until he was ready.

враки.

He exits the plane, meets Damiano on the tarmac, and just as quickly they are swept away by Damiano’s driver. There is no discussion of previous business, tasks he has completed. Craven is mentioned offhandedly, but Boris had to admit some time in September that whatever illicit ties Everett Craven had to the Capulets when it came to his dealings in America, the man kept them wound up tight. He’d been impressed. Instead, they set their eyes on the future: Damiano speaks to him of the failures and successes, trials and tribulations, and Boris takes note of the way his brow knits together when he speaks.

It is like Damiano cannot bear to look at him, but is forcing himself to anyway. Surely his betrayal had not burned so badly. It wouldn’t have left a mark.

Valentina Gallo died for less. She didn’t give nearly as much away. She’d given what she had to give. Boris had given Evgeny everything, and then offered the grounds of the coffee to Damiano in return.

Boris is lucky to be alive, seated across from a man he might have once considered a better father than his own, who looks at him with poorly-veiled discuss and tells him what to do. Boris had sold his soul – this might just be the devil’s recompense.

It doesn’t matter, he tells himself, watching the city pass them by, nodding where appropriate and watching the sun rise over the river as they drive alongside it. If he gets his way, Damiano Montague will be sooner dethroned, and Brutus will have his rightful place as second-in-command to some poorer, less competent man. If he is anything, it’s stubborn. They drive by the Castelvecchio, and he’s saddened to see it is still a work in progress, not at all the shining beacon it had once been of unity or pride within a place being torn in two, right down the middle. He feels a pang of something hit him in his chest. Homesickness? He’s home, but—

Boris’ flat is small, modest, tucked away in an alley. Close enough to the library that he can be there within minutes just by walking, if necessary. All the pedestrians on the street avert their eyes when they see Damiano’s car pull up outside. He grabs the one bag he’d taken with him on the plane: he’s hopeful the rest will arrive within the week, but that’s an if at best. Before he slips out, Damiano clears his throat.

He stops, and finds a single piece of paper pressed into his hand. He can only assume what it is, won’t open it – it’s deliberately folded closed. It could be anything: a name, a number, a place, a threat, a promise.

“When you’re ready,” Damiano murmurs, like some sort of sick joke, which is to say that it will be when he asks, because Boris ceded any hope at control over his own life the minute he sold all he possessed to the Russian mob, heart and mind and soul, only to crawl back to Verona just after. Some might’ve called him a fool, but he’d only seen the future, then. If only others could see the eclipsing horizon always in his sight.

It’s here that Boris is left: a small alley, out of sight of the rest of the world, the morning sun shining on his face. The future in his hand. He opens it before he has the chance to breathe in again, the vitriol in his heart already beginning to sear out through his ribcage.

Extras: N/A

[damianfitz]

—  "A gentleman has his eyes on all those present; he is tender toward the bashful, gentle toward the distant, and merciful toward the absent." 

DAMIAN FITZGERALD ( MIGUEL BERNARDEAU ) is a 18 year old SENIOR student at Broadripple Academy. HE is originally from BOSTON, MA but moved to Broadripple 4 YEARS ago. He is CHARMING and DUTIFUL but can also be HYPOCRITICAL and NAIVE.

BASICS

Name: Damian Elliot Fitzgerald Age: 18 Grade: Senior House: Fenwick ( Captain ) Cabin Room: Room 1 of the Senior Cabin How long have they been at Broadripple: 4 years Where are they from originally: Boston, MA  (specifically, their house is in Brookline, MA which is like 17 minutes away but they’re in Boston all the time.) Extra-Cirricular:  Swim ( Captain ), Cross Country ( Member ),  Buddy Club ( Member ), SWAT ( Vice President ), Student Council ( Historian ) Other: Biography + Stats / Pinterest

TRAITS

Positive Personality Traits: Charismatic, Well-Mannered, Caring, Responsible Neutral Personality Traits: Attentive, Conservative, Determined, Formal Negative Personality Traits: Hypocritical, Proud, Dishonest, Oblivious

FACTS

— Damian is one of many Fitzgeralds that have been at Broadripple Academy since its establishment, making him a Legacy. He’s been fed stories of Broadripple and its prestige since he was very young, making him something of a fanboy of the academy. He’s very loyal to the school and tends to do whatever he can to get others to admire and support it in the way he does.

— The Fitzgeralds are a very traditional and conservative type of family. Image and excellence are very important to them. A lot of the way Damian is can be largely explained by how his parents expect him to be. It’s very strict and standards are extremely high. You’re expected to have stellar grades, be the definition of good and upstanding, be well-known and well-received. No room failure, no causing scenes, no scandals -- certainly abide by the Bible and the rules of whatever establishment you’re part of. It’s a very perfectionist (not to mention narcissistic) type of family.

— Damian is the Fenwick house captain, a title he carries with much pride. He takes his role as a student leader very seriously and can get a bit intense with how involved he sometimes is with the lives of his house members ( who he fondly refers to as his ‘Fenwick family’. ) He aims to be something of a big brother figure to them but tends to come off more like a dad.

— Considering his roles of leadership and various other commitments, Damian doesn’t often have much down time and it shows. His life is the school and his responsibilities, and it’s very difficult for him to relax and simply be a teenager. He has an ‘all eyes are on him’ type of mentality. It’s particularly evident in the way he talks and carries himself. He’s completely oblivious to the fact that he doesn’t have the vocabulary and mannerisms of your everyday teenager.

— Despite how well he seems to carry the image of Broadripple’s Golden Boy, Damian finds himself struggling behind closed doors. He has desires of his own he’d like to commit more time to or even show interest in but he knows his parents ( and God ) would frown upon it so he denies himself. He’s quite repressed and the consequences of that often present itself in stiff behavior and irritation for the most random things.

HEADCANONS

Damian’s most-prized possession is a Rolesor Datejust Rolex 41 in oystersteel and yellow gold that is worn on his right wrist, given to him by his father when he secured the position of Fenwick captain. He is almost always seen wearing it unless he’s swimming or working out.

Damian wears a gold-plated cross necklace underneath his clothes. It was given to him when he was three. All Fitzgerald children have one and were instructed to wear it at all times unless there’s good reason not to (ex. swimming competitively).

A lot of Damian’s belongings are embroidered or monogrammed with his initials (D.E.F.). Most popularly, his handkerchief (or rather, handkerchiefs. He has many ironed and folded in his closet at all times). But also his water bottle, his leather satchel, his planner, his journal, his leather padfolio, his toiletry kit, his travel grooming kit... You get the idea.

Damian drives a 2019 Aston Martin DB11 V8 in divine red. It was recently given to him on his birthday in April. He’s very careful about it and is under strict instruction to keep it in pristine condition, so he’s very selective about who he lets in his car and how people should act in it.

Damian is a passionate dog dad. He has a beagle named Alpha who is the main reason he goes home on the weekends. Though it is only Alpha who is supposed to be his responsibility, Damian has taken to training all of the Fitzgerald children’s beagles and is deeply knowledgeable on dog training and care of canines.

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RETREAT

What do they think about The Retreat? 

If you ask House Captain Damian, he believes in making the most of the situation and he’s thankful for the Nighmore community for their generosity and quick-thinking. Polite, diplomatic, and positive. Everything a House Captain should be. Inwardly and if he’s being totally truthful with himself, Damian is leaning towards not liking it largely due to with his issues with cleanliness and being accustomed to a certain level of luxury. But make the most of it, amirite?

Do they have any previous experience with camping or other outdoors?

Damian doesn’t have much experience with camping. He’s gone on a church camp in Joshua Tree once but that was very much glamping, with all of the luxuries of the indoors provided to him at close distance and the comfort of AC in his tent. However, he does have experience with the outdoors due to his love for skiing and hiking. He’ll talk all about hiking in Interlaken while vacationing in Switzerland if you give him the time. He also just really likes walks and quiet places when his head is feeling particularly heavy. Also, he lit a campfire like once and that was with the help of the hike guide.

What does their cabin bunk look like? How will they decorate their space?

Damian was very hesitant about bringing his belongings into the old cabin (fear of mold, dust, termites and whatnot) but he knew he had to put on a brave face and deal with the card that’s been dealt as House Captain so it looks similar to his old dorm but very toned down. His mattress is still fitted with his white hotel-type linens with a red duvet over the top in hopes of making it more comfortable. The photos stuck above his desk have been moved to the wall beside his bed. A photo of himself and his younger sister smiling with her face partially covered, a cute photo of a very happy Alpha with his tongue sticking out, an old photo of the God Squad all smiles having a picnic. He’s also hung his monthly planner whiteboard on the wall because it’s filled with too many important reminders.

Do they believe in the supernatural? To what degree?

Though Catholicism has had a long history in the Fitzgerald family, it’s waned over time. One might say they only do it for the tradition of it all and the sense of moral superiority. But mostly, they use religion as a way to influence their children’s behavior, keep them on the right and godly path and away from choices that could hurt their future or the family’s reputation. So Damian has mixed feelings about the supernatural. He very much believes in the Heaven and Hell part of the supernatural, particularly the God and Hell part, but he doesn’t believe in ghosts and demons and all of that nonsense. 

Are they easily spooked?

No. Surprisingly, Damian would sooner buy a logical or medical reason behind unexplained things than a supernatural reason. If something goes bump in the night, Damian would first think something fell than it be a murdererous Casper the Ghost or something. Like for example, the Fitzgeralds often describe the Edith Lynch story as a ‘terrible mishap that people have blown out of proportion’ and follow it with ‘hopefully that girl got the help she needs’. They’re just like, she went crazy, it’s not demon-possession.

AND FINALLY,

The Lord will protect me from any evil. Ghosts? Raging animals? Monsters? Serial killers? They don’t have SHIT on our Lord Jesus Christ.

Sounds about right but Damian will eye twitch over that s-bomb. So close to muttering a stern ‘language’ in reminder.

[trans-advice]

Hey, for the past 5 or so years I have privately identified as nonbinary or not conforming to any gender, and even recently requested that my boss and coworkers use they/them pronouns. About a month ago I stumbled across a "gender critical" blog and started reading it. I know it's a bad idea to engage with trolls, especially when it will impact your sense of self, but I felt restless that my existence was being debated and wanted to hear the other side. Now I am feeling confused (1 o 2 asks)

I’m feeling confused and gross, wondering if all this time I have been actually working against my own feminist beliefs, or if I’m just being naive and getting indoctrinated. Like,I worry about me being a female who simply didn’t subscribe to gender stereotypes, tricking myself into thinking I"wasn’t like the other girls". I have also been wondering about what it means to identify into an oppressed group, and why we can’t talk about it without being dismissed as a dumb TERF. (1 o 2 asks) Thx

— Eve: CW: long post, possibly rambley, could’ve used better editing, transphobia, “gender critical”, recuperation, discussion of “terf” politics, recuperation of liberation movements, politics, oppression, rape culture, anti-fascist, anti-capitalist,

So basically I have tried for almost 4 weeks to write a response detailing this stuff. however it’s gotten too unwieldy. i tried to condense it, but this was as close as i got. it’s practically like 3 drafts back to back. I couldn’t figure out the differences & when i saw similarities it seemed significantly different enough. so I’m not editing any further. here’s a mindvomit. i wish i had this more polished but I can’t do that & i didn’t get a response.

however I’m going to make a history book recommendation, a referral to gendercensus2020, and i need to emphasize that these are much more like personal beliefs & not generally the tone of this blog which aims to give advice & positivity, while this is inherently political, the good bad & ugly. and there are trans people of various persuasions so I don’t want alienate them. i dissecting some ideologies that are transphobic, how they became that, how they got recuperated, and how you can find the same concerns being addressed. I’m answering this because it totally makes sense to me that this is asked in good faith & I want to respect your concerns & show that there are better methods of liberation activism that are trans affirmative, or at least must become & develop into such.

So I’m going to recommend the book “Transgender History (Second Edition)” by Susan Stryker, which I have put on our blog’s google drive account, so hence a link. It goes into the historic common ground between the feminists & LGBT+ peoples. It also gets into historic movements. And on top of that, the first chapter is literally a list of terminology deconstructing gender, which is also helpful for analyzing topics feminism analyzes..

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1IvCwNvCJ_EiDmOer4zS8SbFGz4m-WDJ1

another thing you need to know regarding the label lesbian back in the day is that it was a catchall for any woman who didn’t have sex with men. now granted, this was a cisnormative understanding, but basically lesbians included celibate women, asexual women, and of course bisexual women in addition to gay women.

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money to have sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (granted, communities cannot be monoliths if they want to be ecosystems, like any movement label there are different interpretations made by members of it, and therefore there are some strands that uphold a homonormative appreciation for conversion therapy. perhaps a middle ground for understanding how that happened is that joke about macho sexuality purity “if a man masturbates with his hand, he’s using a man’s hand to get off, then it’s gay.” granted, there was of course a political/economic reason to this, but still, it seems in terms of history that this joke was considered actually legitimate.)

“lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included ace, celibate & gynephiliac women. part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married which I’ll detail a few paragraphs from now. (while this next thought could be incorrect because I did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, I think the vestiges of those economic pressures are basically the gist of “comphet”.) the goal of political lesbian as well as lesbian separatism was to build an economy/get money that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, via marriage, pregnancy etc. so basically in an effort to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

however these networks ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. it makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210] >

birth control helped to liberate women & that accommodation/handicap for reproductive health disabilities (disability is merely inability to do something that’s Normative. so if having a uterus, pregnancy/menstruation/having breasts etc aren’t considered normal, which is especially common in a patriarchal society for these examples, then it’s disability.) It should be said that due to the desire for bodily autonomy to regulate our own body parts, as well as a desire to manage our fertility & sterilization, the transgender movement has a lot in common with feminism’s female-as-disability movement.)

it should also be noted that before the medical transitioning became accessible that us trans people relied a lot more on social transitioning than medical transitioning. it should also be mentioned that the medical procedures are available & used by cisgender people too.

that being said, since both cis females & transgender women were denied birth control etc, there was a very intense fear of impregnation happening & trans women going back in the closet not only to get money under patriarchy but also because life raising a kid is hard. like if you’ve ever seen “the stepford wives” & look at how the ally husband betrays his feminist wife, then that should clue us into how a lack of birth control scared us.

the problem with the school of feminism that emphasizes physiological sex over gender identity (in order to deny the existence of trans people with female-organs or not) is that it doesn’t account for birth control & how that’s affected the landscape, the economy etc, the revolutionary impact of birth control basically. it also ignores that trans people & cis women feminists have the same goals when it comes to getting freedoms about reproductive rights & bodily autonomy. therefore it ends up being transphobic & wanting to run back into the times when we didn’t have abortion access because they want to hurt us.

That being said though, we need to have birth control & more in order to help liberate trans people too, so if somewhere doesn’t have birth control, then we’re not doing well either because it’d pay a lot more to be transphobic (which of course it doesn’t now when we have birth control & various medical & other technologies). i think what I’m trying to say is that similar to disability accomodations clashing with each other, if we of the women’s liberation, the trans liberation, and the gay & lesbian liberation, and the bisexual & ace liberation get stranded then we’re all doomed. granted we might be doing that due to defensiveness with hostility similar to how in the 1980s feminism got very conservative in USA & how some transgender people get spared in systems with strict gender conformity & anticolonialist values, it’d be wrong to say that all our liberations are in conflict with each other. they can be mishandled, but ultimately, safety still tends to favor cisheteropatriarchal people. internalized patriarchal thinking is like internalized queerphobia, and so forth.

I want to emphasize that it is relatively easy for transgender people especially nonbinary people to find gender critical discourse somewhat appealing. Here’s why: TERFs & Gender Critical discourse is agender-normative disability discourse regarding reproductive health & other AFAB organs. (a disability is being unable to do things that society considers normative. so if you can’t drive & your locale de facto requires it, then that’s a disability. also in usa you’ll find that pregnancy & disability are the main things welfare programs prioritize. a pregnancy can be harmful, but can be easier with the right monitoring etc. which again is the same with disability.)

the problem though is that they then insist on misgendering you as one of the binary genders based on objectification of your body (specifically, “morphology”). point being, because you feel dysphoric over being misgendered as something nonbinary as being mislabeled as cisgender, this implies that you are indeed transgender.

https://gendercensus.com/post/612238605773111296/the-gender-census-2020-is-now-open

—

Now to be clear, there are historical economic considerations that made the decisions to specialize on the intersectionality of cisgender AFABs, but the economy & technology has changed. Basically marriage back in the day was economically necessary because there was effectively no birth control available. Therefore, to get child support etc, required getting the father to pay the consequences. However, marriage was very much a chattel property institution, marital rape was still legal, and women couldn’t get credit etc in our own names.

#

At the same time, similar to birth control being unavailable, hormones & other procedures for medically transitioning trans people were unavailable as well, which meant social transitioning & wardrobe etc were the main methods of affirming our gender. however, we sometimes got lucky & had a doctor write us a note affirming our gender & sometimes we got even luckier & govts accepted this. this however required getting labelled sick & begging doctors to give us treatment & getting money for this since insurance companies etc still discriminated against transgender people even when we agreed to have our gender identity situation labelled as sick & medically necessary. (similarly insurance companies still refuse to cover abortions & so do some doctors & hospitals.)

#

So this meant that AFABs were concerned about getting hijacked via impregnation. Because of the patriarchal economics of the whole thing, people were afraid of “the stepford wives” repeating itself in their own lives, where the mind can only handle what the ass can stand would mean trans women would go back into the closet.

#

Granted, that’s a bit misrepresentative of trans women & trans people because trans people & cis women who can get pregnant do have a lot more in common. we take the same meds, go to the same clinics, menopause etc gets taken due to distress over how our bodies work, etc. then again, how would trans AMAB people have gotten the money for child support?

#

historically & still to this day we basically had to beg doctors for the ability to get hormones to get a surgery to get a gender marker change & so on, which granted, what we trans people had available to us varied from locale to locale because it required collaborations of trans people, doctors, and the local govts & especially their police stations. again, before roe v wade abortion providers were super underground & secretive & there were specialized units at police stations for hunting down patients & providers under the charge of “murder”. it’s the same dynamics.

#

seriously trans people & people with bodies that can get pregnant, menstruate, menopause, etc, we go to the same clinics! women’s health clinics take trans patients, planned parenthood takes trans patients, do i need to go any further on how trans people & feminists have the same interests regarding reproductive health?

—

as for political lesbianism:

basically the normal advice of wait til you have your own money before having sex, wait til your mid 20s, don’t rely on a man to pay your bills etc, all of this comes from political lesbianism, which was like be celibate or else have sex that doesn’t involve sperm. (i’m not sure what the conditions were like surrounding not piv sex among the straights, and therefore what the likelihood of avoiding piv sex was. I do know that rape culture was much more heavily normalized than it is now.)

“Lesbian” was a catchall for women who didn’t have sex with men. this included: - ace, - celibate - bisexual - gay women. Part of the reason these communities were conflated again had to do with the economic pressures to get married, (while this next statement could be incorrect because i did just learn about ‘compulsory heterosexuality" a month ago, i think the vestiges of those economic pressures such as weddings are basically the gist of “comphet”.)

The goal of Political Lesbianism as well as Lesbian Separatism was to build an economy that didn’t require submission to patriarchy, such as that of marriage, pregnancy etc. In efforts to build like support networks, “men” were shunned as much as possible.

However these networks, (partly due to lacking radicalization) ended up replicating capitalism, (partly due to oppression against communes & other anti-capitalist activities) which then replicated the oppressions of capitalism. It makes sense that transphobia had formed of assimilation/respectability politics for such feminists. To quote from the criticism section of the Wikipedia article on the women’s liberation movement.

> “The philosophy practised by liberationists assumed a global sisterhood of support working to eliminate inequality without acknowledging that women were not united; other factors, such as age, class, ethnicity, and opportunity (or lack thereof) created spheres wherein women’s interests diverged, and some women felt underrepresented by the WLM.[208] While many women gained an awareness of how sexism permeated their lives, they did not become radicalized and were uninterested in overthrowing society. They made changes in their lives to address their individual needs and social arrangements, but were unwilling to take action on issues that might threaten their socio-economic status.[209] Liberationist theory also failed to recognize a fundamental difference in fighting oppression. Combating sexism had an internal component, whereby one could change the basic power structures within family units and personal spheres to eliminate the inequality. Class struggle and the fight against racism are solely external challenges, requiring public action to eradicate inequality.[210]”