#ALSO UGH. THE THINGS I WORK MOST ON RARELY GET SEEN. while stuff that objectively are low effort somehow pop off (relative to anything else

[dead-set-goat]

Man, it’s so frustrating when I reblog something and it gets like a billion interactions but when I post my own art or tunes *Tumbleweed*… I often feel like my art is nothing special. Which would be a “nothing special” feeling if some other times I wouldn’t believe that it is something truly quite… nice!

[vivithefolle]

I'm a bit confused. You said in one post that you thoroughly dislike Hermione and that you had no respect for her at all. Yet ... you like Romione? idk, it seems contradictory tbh. I like when Romione shippers acknowledge her flaws and messed up moments but when someone that dislike and even hate her character that much ships Romione and I see them posting about them and calling them "cute" just seems weird

I’ll share with you my whole thought process so you can understand where I’m coming from:

Itty-bitty Vivi who read Harry Potter for the first time (at 13/14, so not so itty-bitty I guess, oops): Woaaah Hermione and Ron yaay!!! They're awesome I love them! They're my OTP always and forever!! Best thing to happen in Harry Potter!! JKR is a genius!

Slightly less itty-bitty Vivi discovering the Harry Potter fandom online (thankfully years after the ship wars, else I probably wouldn't have survived): Why is there so much hate towards Ron? And why are people so opposed to Romione?? It was meant to be since the first book! Or, okay, the second book is when I realized it was gonna happen, but still! Oh well, here is a fic where Hermione berates Ron for everything and he is the only one actually working for their relationship. Cool, more Romione!

Even less itty-bitty Vivi starting her own Tumblr and going around, adding her grain of salt to debates and talking about stuff: Yeah! Ron is great! He's done bad things of course but Hermione has done her fair share of bad things too! Actually, now that I'm rereading the books, I'm reminded of this person I used to call a friend, who was quite smart and cultured but would often be very harsh to me because they claimed it was “for your own good" and “because I'm more mature than you"… I still wanted to be around them, because they were just so smart and passionate, but we often rowed and eventually they really just went too far and tried to make ME out to be the bad guy and most people believed them because they had a reputation as someone cool and logical while I was known for being emotional… wait, what the fuck, that's… that's exactly what happens in the fandom with Ron and Hermione! What the fuck, was I Ron? Admired their intelligence, praised and supported them, fell in love even but was met with scorn and open disdain?!… no, no, come on. Hermione wasn't that bad.

Vivi rereading Half-Blood Prince (and no, this wasn't about the canaries, but about what Hermione was doing after): Oh my god she was that bad.

Vivi as she ponders alternately: Wait, what about JK Rowling? What does she think about all that? What was her intention, what did she want to accomplish with the characters? I know books belong to their readers but if I want as objective an analysis as possible I must try to understand her thought process while she wrote.

Vivi learning about a staple of British literature called “literary alchemy”: The quarreling couple!! Sulfur and Mercury, the Red King and the White Queen, who must marry for the story to end happily!! And their union is represented by… a rose!! Oh my god, that is brilliant, that is so cool! Romione was ALWAYS going to happen, I knew it! Ha!

Vivi discovering the “[Ron] needed to make himself worthy of Hermione” quote: Wha… but… what? Worthy? As if Hermione was some sort of precious trophy or whatever? What the hell? Wait, Ron had to make himself worthy of her but Hermione didn't have to make herself worthy of him? Is it because Ron is the boy or some shit like that??

Vivi going through JK Rowling's interviews and finding sexism and double-standards galore: Yep, it's because he's the boy. And that bit about Hermione being based off herself when she was younger… ouch. And to top it off the scriptwriter pretty much worshipped Hermione…

Vivi rereading the books again: Is it just me, or does Ron hardly ever get any praise or acknowledgement from the adult characters? Meanwhile Harry and Hermione get stuff like “as good as Charlie Weasley" or “brightest witch of her age"! And, damn, I used to side with Hermione because I love cats, but she was completely awful in POA! She apologized but then the plot made her out to be right even then?? And I always thought her Yule Ball entrance was kinda over-the-top, but damn if that's not compensating for something! Also what the hell, I get that Harry is suffering and all but will someone PLEASE pay attention to the fact that Ron is being bullied BY A FOURTH OF THE STUDENT BODY AND NOBODY SEEMS EVEN REMOTELY CONCERNED????? Also what the hell is wrong with the sixth book, I never liked it much but it's like it's trying to make every character look bad, wtf?? And, and, holy shit I never noticed but Ron was asking legit questions during the Horcrux Hunt debate but Harry kept deflecting or mocking him but it's still Ron who had to apologize in the end??? And I've read a whole post about how Hermione punching Ron is the appropriate reaction for a very small child and not a supposedly “mature" character, and that Harry had to SHIELD RON FROM HER, oh my god?? It's… oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with JK Rowling?

Vivi, in denial: Well, Harry Potter is decidedly not a romance. It's about love, but romantic love is quite far down the priority list when it comes to it. JKR has herself confessed that she wasn't too good at writing romance, and I don't blame her because writing romance is hard. But I did enjoy Romione! When I was little I saw it coming from a mile away, granted I was already savvy in literature but that must have been because she was doing something right! And then the sixth book happened… the sixth book which… which was released after the Harry Potter movies were being filmed, wasn't it?

Vivi looking up the timelines: Oh my god. Oh my god it's even worse, the movies were being discussed before Goblet of Fire came out. Come to think of it, I always found that the Trio felt… different, after Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry and Ron especially felt like they had gotten dumber? And Hermione was suddenly explaining everything when exposition used to be split between her and Ron…

Vivi, in mourning: So that's what happened. Ron ended up being shortchanged to make Hermione look better, because Rowling was fonder of Hermione than she was of Ron, and the scriptwriter too come to think of it. Curse you, Steve Kloves!!!

Vivi, who is nothing if not what Pokémon fans call a nostalgiafag: But… but… yeah, it sucks that Ron was shortchanged, and actually yeah it's a freaking travesty and I WILL freaking spread the world about this, mark my words, but, but I still… I can't help it, when Hermione “looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt" I melt too. When Ron compliments Hermione or tries to take care of her as much as he can I… it still does something to me, I still find myself rooting for them even if I know there's the awful sixth book and the stupid post-Locket beatdown. Their kiss, for God's sake, I've just realized that Ron may have swept Hermione off her feet physically, but it's Hermione who jumped him, you could say Hermione metaphorically swept Ron off his feet!! God damn it, that's good, that's so good!

Vivi, at war with herself: No, I can't let myself be blinded by nostalgia!! The facts are that Hermione shows borderline abusive - even actually abusive - behaviour, this can't be denied! I don't want to root for an abusive relationship! I don't want to root for a relationship that relies on my favourite character being dumbed down to work!!!

Vivi, about to uncover the secrets of the universe: … wait a second. I don't have to.

Vivi, having an epiphany: Reading Solstice Muse's Romione fanfics gives me such happiness because she just gets the characters! She doesn't portray Hermione as perfect and never fucking up, and she always treats what happens to Ron with respect… Well, especially since she can't play them off as a joke since she often makes Ron the POV character. But, yeah! I can still like Romione… if it's well-written. Which, well, isn't the case in the original books… at least, isn't the case anymore after Rowling's bias got the best of her. Even though they do have their great moments.

Vivi, finding purpose in her life: I am going to spread awareness. I am going to tell the world. Fuck, just rereading the books, I've noticed how blatant the favouritism is and how unbalanced it can be. No wonder the fandom seems to collectively scoff at Ron - the books themselves do whenever it's convenient for them! The fandom plays favourites, because the author herself played favourites, and the worst part is that she didn't even realize it! Imagine you spend your life getting into traumatic situations out of love for your friends who always receive compassion and validation for their feelings about said traumas, but YOUR trauma is hardly touched upon and in the rare case it is, it's only to be mocked or used against you… Fuck! You're a piece of work, JKR! And the fandom just swallows it whole like a bunch of lobotomized snakes! Screw it! Screw it, I'm going to say it like it is, and I'm going to say it LOUDLY! People are going to hear about what Ron goes through and we'll see if Harry and Hermione look like the only ones worthy of therapy then!!

Present day Vivi, as she scrolls through the (heavily filtered) Romione tag on AO3: Ugh, another Drarry… and another… and another… oh, a Hinny-centric fic for a change, cool but I'm looking for more Romione than that, sorry. Gah, why is it that Romione appears as a secondary ship everywhere but they can't get their own stories? I've just seen a Snupin come up for God's sake! Oh, finally, a full Romione!! *clicks* … … … awww that was so sweet. Kudos! Okay back to the search… oh, another one!! *clicks* … … … it's Ron-bashing. It's Ron-bashing and it's not tagged Ron-bashing and that's why it showed up in my search AND I'M GOING TO FREAKING RIOT-

[mythiccheroacademia]

Forgive Me

Summary: It only seemed more prevalent, now more than ever, that people like him didn’t deserve people like you.

Word Count: 4.8k+ Words

Pairing: Natsuo x Reader (21+)

Warnings: blood, death, gang organization involvement, gun use, sexual content, explicit language, and angst

A/N: First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MAIN MAN NATSUO TODOROKI!! And I also want to say thank y’all so much for 2k followers! You make my heart ache. To celebrate, I wrote this self-indulgent mafia au fanfic that nobody asked for. I honestly just wanted to write Todorokis involved in organized crime. 

All the Japanese in here is from Google Translate. It most likely butchered it, so I’m sorry about that. I tried. 

Some things to mention: *Yakuza: Basically, the Japanese mafia  *Oyabun: The leader of the organization *Onna-Oyabun: The spouse of the leader. It really translates to the “wife.” I tried to keep things gender neutral, however, I couldn’t find a gender neutral term for this. Please forgive me!

Thank you for ridin with me, y’all! Enjoy this one, hotties ❤️   

Forgive Me

All Natsuo had ever wanted for you was normalcy. Call it wishful thinking—his siblings called it naivety. However, there was nothing more the young successor wished for than for you to have the life you deserved. One filled with love, laughter, and smiles. Not tears, blood, and bullets.

He wanted you to be able to come from work or class with a head full of things for the two of you to gossip about over dinner and ice cream. He wanted to be able to cancel his day and take you to that one amusement park you always talked about. He wanted the petty arguments about whose turn it was to do the dishes and whose brownie recipe was better.

Natsuo wanted that for you. Not this.

Your shared room suddenly felt cold and rigid as he stood by the doorway. The sight of your body curled into the sheets, hoping the mattress would swallow you up, made his heart ache. There was no movement except for the slow rise of your breathing as you stared at the wall next to the bed.

Natsuo’s grey eyes focused on the bandage patched to your ear and was brought back to the events prior. An event that had been the reason why he couldn’t have spent the evening in your arms.

[Earlier]

Since having been introduced into the Todoroki lifestyle, life had been hectic. You had been ripped away from your normalcy and propelled into the yakuza* game. It was seeped in cruelty, darkness, and evil that would make you spend nights shivering.

Ever since you had been engaged to Natsuo, your exposure only grew worse. Your fiancé would spend nights apologizing, but you’d only quiet him with a kiss and a small joke.

It wasn’t his fault. His older brother, Touya, was “deceased”. It was against tradition for Fuyumi to have it, and Shouto was too young. He would have to be the next Oyabun* and, despite his unwillingness, there was nothing anyone could do about it.

But that wasn’t something to dwell on. Especially today. Today, you had plans to go shopping with Fuyumi and Shouto and end the night with some well-deserved quality time with your husband-to-be. You had rarely seen anyone due to yakuza activity, so this was something you were looking forward to.

You smoothed down your outfit, adjusting your watch in the mirror. You gave yourself a nod, liking what you saw.

Natsuo came from around the corner, eyeing you with a glint you knew all too well. He apparently liked what he saw too.

“Hi,” he said, smiling into your kiss.

“Hey,” you grinned. You flattened the collar of his shirt where his tattoo peeked from his neck. “You look good.”

He was quick to respond. “You look better.”

“You flatter me,” you chuckled. “Did you pick where we’re eating for dinner later?”  

“I made reservations for the seafood restaurant you like so much. The one with the lights by the ocean.”

“Oooo with the parmesan crusted flounder and the stuffed oysters?”

He hummed a yes and laughed as you did a little dance expressing your excitement. You couldn’t wait to stuff your face. While being classy of course.

“What time?”

“6:30. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that should give ‘Yumi, ShoSho, and I enough time to shop around.” You turned to the mirror to put some last-minute touches to your hair. “We still have to find an outfit for your mother’s event Friday. You know your brother’s a lowkey diva about that stuff so it’s gonna take hours.”

A sudden slap on your ass made you yelp and just as you were about to cuss him out, Natsuo captured your lips in a kiss that made your knees buckle. He slowly explored your mouth, committing every taste to memory. Your hands massaged the nape of his neck and it had him growling in your ear.

“Why don’t you skip the shopping today and we can start on dinner now?” he suggested, loving the moan he got from you as he sucked on your neck.

As much as you adored the offer, you weren’t going to pass up the chance to get out of the house. You’d been cooped up in there for too long. Not even his dick could get you out of this.

You pushed him off of you, laughing as he bit the air between you, trying to put his lips back on you.

“Nat—Natsuo. Stop it. I promised them I’d go shopping today, so no. Besides, I’m already running late. I was supposed to meet them at 1 and it’s 1:30.”

“But you just look so good, baby.” He managed to pull you flush against his chest, mischief in his eyes. You gave him a look when his hands went to go grab a handful of your ass. “I’m sure they won’t mind if you're just an hour more late,” he said, going back to lay claim to your lips.

If last night’s sex was a testament to anything, you’d be here for much longer than an hour. If you didn’t get your ass to the car, you’d be stuck at home and his siblings would have your head.

“Boy, if you don’t get off me, I’ll tell Fuyumi you’re keeping me hostage again. She’ll sick Shouto on you,” you threatened.

At the thought of his sister and brother’s nagging, he rolled his eyes and backed off. “Ugh, you’re such a killjoy. Fine, whatever.” You hummed in triumph and turned to walk away. Natsuo gave another hard slap to your backside again and you sent him back a glare that made him smirk.

“Natsu,” you warned.

“You better get in the car quick before I really decide to keep you here.”

“Keep it in your pants, horndog,” you bit.

“Keep that ass away and we won’t have problems,” he playfully retorted.

You smacked your teeth but hid the growing smile on your lips. That man would be the death of you.

…

Despite your wishes, you ended up being an hour late. Natsuo tried to play innocent underneath his siblings’ threats but stopped the act once they pointed out the growing hickey on your neck.

He was waved off, much to his chagrin, when he told the three of you to be wary of your surroundings and reminded you of the security guards that would be following close by. He finally left for his meeting with few choice words and a kiss promising his return.

Fuyumi grabbed your arm and gave you a smile that was contagious. “Now that Natsu stopped hogging you, we can finally hang out!” she cheered. “The outlet just opened up a few new stores we’ve been eyeing for a while now!”

Shouto nodded in agreement. “I’ve been waiting all week to use my father’s credit card.”

“Didn’t you buy a fur coat yesterday—”

“That’s besides the point.”

Once Shouto took your other arm, the three of you spent your time going from store to store. At first, the objective was to find outfits for the party Friday, however you three had become easily distracted with the sight of a smoothie stand.

A couple hours had gone by, and not much was done. Although you might have wasted time (and money) shopping at miscellaneous stores, neither one of you cared.

It had been so long since you laughed so freely. With Endeavor across the ocean, things were steadily heating up. Enemies took his leave as an open shot and the Todoroki siblings were obliged to reinforce why their family reigned supreme. Due to that, it seemed no one could go a day without stressing over something.

Between that and Natsuo’s near-obsessive mission to keep you safe and away from the details of the yakuza, you were forced to stay in the house twiddling your thumbs with constant security around you.

Feeling so useless drove you crazy. No matter how many times you tried to get your fiancé to let you help, he would always give you a firm no. Fuyumi and Shouto tried their best to keep you out of it as well. Even Dabi warned you about wanting something so dangerous.  

It was frustrating, but you tried to understand. Regardless, having the chance to hang out with your friends like old times was a saving grace and you’d enjoy it to its fullest.

Eventually, you three made it to the boutiques and clothing departments. Shouto had already gotten a suit tailored so it was left with you and Fuyumi.

Your soon-to-be sister-in-law found an extravagant gown that stole your breath. The crimson dress hugged her body in all the right places, accentuating the softness of her feminine figure and the coolness of her kind eyes. It was beautifully bold statement speaking to the fire within Fuyumi many seemed to miss. But no one would overlook that spirit with a dress like that. Her measurements were taken, and the dress was quickly swiped off the rack and sent to the tailor.

Your clothing didn’t come easy. Fuyumi was indecisive and Shouto was a harsh critic.

“Hmm, that one’s too much.”

“Nope, not enough.”

“Too loose.”

“Too tight.”

“No.”

“Hell no.”

“I’m pretty sure someone from the Nanu family wore that in 2016. Next.”

It had taken nearly an entire hour before the three of you found your outfit. Something that had caught your eye was soon being shimmied over your body. When you stepped out of the dressing room, you were relieved when Fuyumi nearly cried and Shouto’s bi-colored eyes twinkled with satisfaction. The material was comfortable on your body and the pigment made your skin color brilliantly glow. It moved and swayed like it was meant for you. It just felt right.

“That’s the one,” Shouto smiled.

“You think so?” you asked, checking over the detailing.

“You’re going to steal the show, as always, Y/N,” Fuyumi gushed. “The most beautiful Onna-Oyabun* the yakuza have seen this generation.”

At the mention of the word, you casted your eyes downward. “Right. I’m going to be the new Onna-Oyabun,” you sighed.

The two Todorokis caught the heaviness of your tone and looked at one another in sadness. They were privy to the burdens of this family and the titles that came along with it. Your reaction wasn’t abnormal, but the despondent gleam in your eyes was still hard to sit with.

“Y/N—”

The sound of Shouto’s phone cut off his words. As he listened to the quiet words from the other line, his eyes began to harden. The store clerk kept you busy, but Fuyumi noticed his sudden rigidness.

Her brother’s eyes flicked towards the door and she caught the sight of more their bodyguards surrounding the boutique, hands on their weapons.

There were a few more words said before Shouto spoke.

“Anata wa mōru o torikakonde imasu. Natsuo wa 5-bu de soto de aimasu.” (Keep the mall surrounded. Natsuo will meet us outside in five minutes.)

Fuyumi met her brother’s eyes once more and understood the situation.

“So, the seamstress said she’ll tighten around the waist and add more fabric to the end. It’ll be ready by tomorrow evening,” you said to them.

Shouto excused himself while Fuyumi walked towards you, a practiced smile on her lips.

“Perfect. Now let’s get you changed and out for your date. Natsuo will be here any minute.”

…

The car ride to the restaurant was filled with your rambling about the day and Natsuo’s usual teasing. When he got into the car after speaking with his siblings, he seemed very tense. So you were happy you were able to get him to relax. Work must’ve put him on edge, and you were determined to let the rest of your night come stress free.

When you got there, he helped you out of the car and you made your way to the door. You were surprised to see who was standing by the entrance.

“Dabi?”

“Hey there, doll,” he said behind an easy smirk. He kissed the back of your hand. “Still see you’re with this punk. Tragic.”

You tried to hide your giggle as Natsuo punched his brother’s shoulder.

“Back off, brick-face. Lookin’ like a burnt raisin.”

“You wound me,” Dabi faux gasped.

“What are you doing here?” you asked.

Although Dabi kept his eyes on you, he felt his brother’s stare on his face.

“Just doing some patrol. Heard you were coming around and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to say hi to my new favorite Todoroki,” he responded coolly.

You quirked your brow at that. “Did something happen?”

Dabi opened the door. “Nah, nothing you need to worry about. You just enjoy your dinner for me, yeah?”

Before you could say anything more, you felt the man behind you place his hand on your lower back and guide you into the restaurant. You didn’t miss the order he hissed to his brother before closing the door behind him.

You had to learn Japanese one of these days, damn it.

As you stood in line to be seated, you eyed your fiancé.

“I know something’s going on,” you spoke.

Natsuo didn’t even flinch. “What do you mean?”

“Why’s Dabi here?”

“You heard what he said. For patrol.”

“Patrol for what? He doesn’t just police the area for no reason.”

“It was just on some small case we’ve been working on. No biggie,” he shrugged.

You frowned at his play of innocence. You were getting kind of tired of this. “You know how much I hate being kept in the dark…”

“It’s nothing you have to concern yourself with, babe. I’ve got it handled.”

“Natsuo—”

“Y/N, please.”

You watched his shoulders sag a bit from the heavy sigh that left his mouth. If you hadn’t been watching, you would’ve missed the fatigue that flashed across his face. To see someone usually so upbeat look so tired made your chest ache.

You knew you were being pushy, but all the secrets were piling up and your curiosity was starting to become insatiable.

“I…I just want to help,” you softly admitted. “I don’t mean to be annoying.”

“You’re not being annoying,” he answered in a heartbeat. Natsuo pulled you close and kissed your temple, feeling comforted by your smell. “I know all these secrets drive you crazy, but I’m trying to protect you.”

You placed a hand on his cheek to which he placed a kiss to your palm. “And I want to lessen your burden. We’re in this together, baby. You don’t have to handle all of this alone anymore.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. He stared into your eyes for a moment before gently smiling down at your hopeful gaze. “How ‘bout this? We forget about all this yakuza stuff whiles we’re here, and as soon as we get home, I’ll fill you in on my meeting today. Sound fair?”

It wasn’t exactly what you wanted, but it was a step in the right direction. Besides, you could see how eager he was to forget about the topic. The focus of this night was about having fun, so you would drop it for now.

You pecked his lips and nodded in agreement. “Deal.”

“Bet.”

The hostess met you two just as you pulled away from one another. She led you to your table where you had a clear view of the beach behind the crystal glass. Your waitress, an older woman with a smile that felt safe, got you settled in.

“My name is Jane and I’ll be serving you today. May I get your drinks?”

Natsuo looked to you. “Wine?”

You made a thoughtful face. “Yeah. Sure. Something on the sweeter side.”

“Bring us Moet Chandon Dom Perignon. 2008.”

“Yes, sir,” she bowed before going to retrieve the drinks.

You frowned in confusion, the bran unknown to you. That was before your eyes scanned over the wine listing. You choked on your spit.

That bottle could pay rent.

Rich people were crazy.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Something in my throat,” you coughed.

After the waitress brought your drinks and you placed your orders (you both ordered enough for eight but what’s new?), you and Natsuo spent your time talking and laughing.

It was like old times. He was the jokester, throwing out horrible pick-up lines with a terrible pun to match. You’d tease him, snickering when he’d whine about how sensitive he was.

You missed this. A lot.

Your previous grievances left your mind. Like he said, for now, you’d forget about the yakuza. The carefree smile on your fiancé’s face, the one that reminded of you of just how young he really was, was beautiful. He was only 23 and dealing with so much. You wanted this expression of freedom to remain for as long as possible.

“The ‘Saw’ series wasn’t even that scary. It was just really gross,” you said.

“Fair. But the one with the teeth was kinda scary. Saw 3 I think? I couldn’t sleep for like, five days,” Natsuo shivered.

“Okay, yeah. That one was…ew,” you agreed. “But remember ‘The Human Centipede’? Now that was some creepy shit. I couldn’t eat cereal for a month.”

Natsuo visibly paled, sticking his tongue out in disgust. “Nah for real, bro. I’ll never watch that shit again. I feel like it was some big, grotesque, sexual innuendo.”

You gave him a flat look.

“What the fuck, Natsu.”

“No, listen! Remember the part where they took the hammer and—"

“Your food, Mr. Todoroki and Mr/s. L/N,” Jane interrupted. A questioning look flashed across her face but you two just stifled your laughs.

The other waiters laughed as they stood behind her with the food in their hands.

You were eyeing the hell out of those oysters.

“Here we have the lobster bisque, the shrimp tacos, the stuffed oysters—”

“I’ll take that one, please!” you excitedly clapped.

“Excellent choice.”

“And you say I’m a child,” Natsuo snorted.

You threw a glare his way. “Little boy, if you don’t—”

And just as your day had been filled with laughter, the sound of one bullet tore through that illusion.

It was as if the world had stilled for a moment. Then, there was screaming and the onslaught of gunpower. There were so many men in dignified suits running in and out of the restaurant. You hadn’t even blinked before two waiters dropped to the ground, piled beneath the food they were holding.

Two shots rang near your table, and you felt a string of fresh blood paint the sides of your face and a burning sensation on your left ear. Two hands held the table and the back of your chair, body a shield from the bullets.

You slowly looked up and saw Jane’s bright blue eyes wide with surprise. There was a moment of silence as her bottom lip wavered, wanting to say something.

However, her last breath slipped through her lips as you watched the life dull in her cerulean irises.

That bullet was meant for you. That bullet was meant to kill you and instead…instead…

When she fell onto you, dead, that’s when you screamed.

At some point, Natsuo had gotten you into his arms. His body was ice cold as he used his quirk to protect you and carry you out. He was shouting orders and curses while trying to coax you out of your numbness. However, you couldn’t hear anything.

The stench of blood was strong. You saw how the bodies of innocent men, women, and children laid piled on the floor. They bled out; their lives taken from them before they even had the chance to think about it.

You closed your eyes when you saw blue and red flames lick the ground. You had seen enough.

Somehow, you had gotten outside and away from the warzone. Natsuo carried you into the car.

“Doraibu!” he thundered. (Drive!)

The driver took off with speed that made our backs hit the seats. Once he hit the main streets, miles away from the scene, Natsuo took his hand off the gun and quelled his quirk.

His phone lit up and it wasn’t long before he blew up at whoever was on the other end. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him use a tone so mean and angry. He roared into the phone, his words foreign to your ears. However, you couldn’t concentrate on that.

The shock of what just occurred struck your body numb. The ringing in your ears hadn’t stopped since the first bullet. You could still smell the blood and the bodies. Jane’s lifeless eyes would haunt you forever.

The same bullet that tore into her heart was meant for you. Whoever shot that, was aiming to kill. Kill you. But instead, Jane had taken that place. For what reason, you didn’t know. But she did.  

You didn’t know which one was worse.

Bile rose in the back of your throat and you let out a shaky breath.

You could do nothing else but hold your head.

Natsuo had gotten off the phone and looked over at you in silence. His grey eyes stormed with pain from the way your shoulders hunched over in grief.

He reached for you. “Y/N, sweetheart—”

You flinched away as his fingertips ghosted your skin.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” you seethed.

He quickly withdrew his hands.

“Are…are you okay?” he slowly spoke.

The glare you gave him made him avert his eyes in anguish.

“Am I okay? You’re asking me if I’m okay!?”

“I just want to make sure you’re not hurt,” he thickly swallowed.

“Are you serious, Natsuo!? I just saw twenty people die in front of me and you’re asking if I’m okay!??”

Guilt drowned him, but you just couldn’t seem to care at the moment as rage took over your body.

“I asked you to tell me what was going on. I’ve been fucking begging you to keep me up to date so I can just be prepared for when things like this happen!”

“I know.”

“If I had just known someone was trying to take me out, I would’ve stayed the fuck home, but you wouldn’t tell me and now there’s people DEAD!!”

“I know. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Fuck your sorry!” you roared. “Fuck you, Natsuo! Sorry won’t bring those people back!”

Your voice was beginning to grow hoarse but screaming felt good. It was the only thing that felt real even as it took you to hysteria.

“I know those bullets were meant for me! They wanted to—to—oh my God!” Your breathig grew erratic as it all dawned on you. “I’m supposed to be dead! They wanted to kill me! I can’t! I can’t do this!”

Natsuo felt his heart break with every sob that ripped from your mouth. He wanted so badly to hold you and take you away from all of this. However, he knew better.

For the entire car ride and throughout the time it took for the nurses to patch you up, you hadn’t allowed him to touch you. You even ignored him until he was forced to leave you to rest.

When he told you he loved you, it hurt like hell to see you wordlessly disappear behind the bedroom door. That pain was what later fueled him back to the scene of the crime and into doing things to the captured enemies he would never utter to anyone that wasn’t there.

Fuyumi and Shouto couldn’t look him in his eyes for the rest of the day. It was Dabi, as heartless as he was, that told him it was enough.

He would give anything to give you what you deserved, a life without pain and death. But that’s not how it worked. Not in this life.

He knew that, yet, he had been selfish and took you for himself. Now, this was the result. Your life in unremitting danger because of who he was.

The agonized screams of dry ice burning away flesh constantly played in his head. It only seemed more prevalent, now more than ever, that people like him didn’t deserve people like you.  

[Present]

Natsuo’s heavy stare caused you to shift. As he changed into pajamas, you looked at the clock. It was 2am.

You hadn’t realized it was so late.

You felt a heavy dip in the bed and watched your fiancé carefully settle into the sheets. His face was clean of blood and dirt, so he must've showered before coming back home.

A pregnant pause filtered between you two. As you continued to stare at one another, you could see his façade slip with each passing second. The blank front he was so skilled at putting up melted as his eyes continued to pass over the bandages. His eyes sunk and the skin around them was dark with wear. He looked exhausted.

The anger that had once bristled inside of you had given way to melancholy a long time ago. You felt so empty and lonely with the dark thoughts that circled in your head. Sleep wasn’t an option if you wanted to avoid the nightmares that would plague you.

The two of you scooted closer to one another. Natsuo was the first to speak. He spoke in a voice so small, you almost missed it.

“Can I touch you?”

“Please,” you whispered.

Soon enough, you were in his arms, chin on his shoulder as he peppered the junction between your neck and collarbone with kisses. You relished in his hands exploring your body, missing how he just seemed to swallow you up.

“I love you, Y/N,” he breathed.

“I love you too, Natsuo.”

Much of the night was spent reminding yourselves of the other’s touch. Natsuo drew your lips captive, his tongue overtaking you with dizzying pleasure. You couldn’t keep track of where his mouth was. Whether it was on your lips, on your stomach, or in between your legs, you savored how good it felt.

Soon, his low growls and moans were hot against your ears. Your nails ran down Natsuo’s back as his hips swam into you, taking his time to rememorize how you felt around him. The bed creaked along with your moans. You threw your head back and gripped whatever you could hold of him during your lovemaking.

It seemed you’d reach your high over and over again. You could never get enough of each other. There was something intoxicating about how his tongue would roll over yours as he pounded into you, staking claim over your body as he gave himself to you until he couldn’t.

When your bodies couldn’t go any longer, you just lied underneath the sheets. Natsuo lied on top of you, head on your chest and listened to your heartbeat. You pushed back his sweaty bangs, staring down at him.  

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until his thumbs went to swipe past your cheeks.

“Damn it,” you hiccupped.

Natsuo let his vulnerability slip. “I know they’re just words, but I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he said. His voice cracked and it was your turn to catch the tears that fell from his eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry too.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“No, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I was just…”

“Just what?”

A fresh wave of images from today filled the forefront of your mind. Those pictures did something to you. A switch was flicked.  

Your voice caught in your throat and your eyes pinched as more tears filled them. However, these were not tears of fright, rather tears of animosity. The anger you thought had left you had turned into something worse. Something much darker.  

Natsuo saw that look many times before in his own reflection. Vengeance. Pure, unadulterated, vengeance. And as much as he hated it, it was the gas that incited his own flame.  

“Natsuo,” you spoke like you were about to tell a secret. You slowly swallowed the ball in your throat.

“What is it, baby? Tell me what it is you want.”

The words that left your mouth felt different, but you would never regret them.

“Whoever it was, whoever was behind this, I want them gone,” you instructed, voice stone cold. “For every child lost, I want ten of their heads. For all our men they took, I want their bodies burned. For the life they took from Jane, I want their blood on the street. Today, they took their stance when they tried to kill me.”

You held his face and fell into his gaze with hard eyes. In those grey irises, you saw a man that would stand against an army for you. It gave you the courage to say your order.

“And for that, I want the entire yakuza dead.”  

The glint in his eye matched your own and you knew there was no turning back. Natsuo nodded without a second thought. There was nothing to think about. He’d give you the entire world or burn it down at the flick of your hand.

“Yes, my Onna-Oyabun. Your wish is my command.”

He sealed the deal with a kiss.

“This is war.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #366

“you can’t take me from me”

If you’re a girl, have you ever had the urge shave your hair? No. Do you live by a forest? Not anymore. :( How old are your parents? Late 50s. What do you prefer: Small cars, hybrids, trucks or SUVs? Uh, I guess normal ones? Like the ones with four doors and not that horribly low to the ground. What’s the scariest book you’ve ever read? I've never read a book that was scary to me. Do your parents drink? Dad doesn't anymore, and Mom very rarely does, usually just for special occasions. Does downloading music without paying make you feel guilty? Yes, so idk why I still do it. .-. Do you have any pet fish? Nah. What’s your favorite seafood to eat? I only like shrimp. Does your house have air conditioning? Yes. Name the creepiest horror movie character for you: Ghostface, ever since I was a kid. I was horrified of him, and I still think his design is mega creepy. How many college degrees do you want? I wanted to get at most a Bachelor's (I never saw reason to go higher in the fields I was interested in, except for my brief wildlife biologist aspiration), but now I know I'm not getting any degrees. Do you like animals? I love animals. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes. What do you wear to sleep? Pj pants and a tank top. How many keys do you carry with you? One. Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? Yeah. Sometimes Dad and I would go to hockey games together. I don't really care for sports, hockey included, but it was still something we bonded over since I was normally in the living room on the laptop while he was watching it. Which do you value more, intellect or work ethic? Work ethic. Both are important, but I'd rather have a dedicated, worthy employee versus a lazy one that just happens to have brains. Have you ever been covered in mud? Yes, as a kid. Ever been to a cabin on a mountain? No, but omG I fucking wish. Ever lost your voice? Yes. Do you take your time when making an important decision? I take way too much time because I obsess over doing the right thing. Are you a cautious person? Very. Do you chew gum? Sometimes. What makeup product do you never use? A lot, really. Bronzer is literally never, I haven't touched blush in forever, and the same goes for foundation. Have you ever been offered drugs on the street? No. Have you ever seen a jellyfish? Only at aquariums. Do you ever put bread in your soup? UGH, NO. Bread should NOT be soggy. Do you want some soup? No, I don't even really like soup. Is there anything in the USB key slots in your computer/laptop? Yeah, the sensor thing for my wireless mouse. Did anyone ever draw on your face when you were sleeping? I don't believe so; I'd certainly feel it and wake up. Have you ever done that to someone else? Pretty sure no. Is there any TV show you watch religiously? No. Do you like the window seat or aisle seat on an airplane? WINDOW. I hate the aisle seat, mainly because I get dizzy when I can't see outside for some reason? I really don't know how that works, but when I sit at the window and can see what the plane is doing, I don't get dizzy. I also really want to just stare outside as I listen to my iPod. Has anyone ever really insulted you? Yes. Do you ever make banana sandwiches? I have a peanut butter and banana sandwich rarely. What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? Probably Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Phil went HARD, y'all. Did your parents teach you how to cook/bake when you were growing up? There were rare occasions where I helped cook, but I never really learned. If you could own any three fictional objects from any book/movie/show, what would you choose? (does not have to all be from the same book/movie/show) Ohhh, interesting. I'm going to include games in this, because that's what I'm most informed in. ... And I'm still blanking. OH! Definitely a Dreamvisitor from Wings of Fire, as I think it'd be pretty cool or even useful to see into other's dreams and even communicate. The Obsidian Mirror from the same series would also be pretty cool, but also seems somewhat immoral to me, I guess, to be able to spy on others. I mean it could be useful in some cases, but still. I somehow can't think of a third one, even after expanding my options to games. A lot of game objects are just too specific to their fantasy universe and not helpful in real life. What’s the shortest amount of time you’ve worked somewhere? Not even two hours lmaoooo. Have you ever negotiated a pay raise? No. Have you ever been a victim of identity theft? No. Do you know anyone who’s had their kids taken by Child Protective Services? No. What is your favorite smell/scent? Cinnamon rolls. How long can you run without stopping? I honestly don't think I *could* run without my knees immediately being like "um excuse the fuck out of you" and crumpling. What age do you want to live to? I know this varies from person to person, so I can't say an exact age, but I do. NOT. Want to live to where I'm a liability/require other people to take care of me, like give me a bath and stuff. No. Fuck-ing. Thank you. If you had a time machine, when would you go to? I'd honestly want a glimpse into my future, just to see how I'll be. At the same time though, I feel like knowing would suck if I saw something bad instead of a good life. Like, I'd possibly be suicidal again if it's just crap. I feel like if I was legitimately offered this, I would say no. Have you ever been infatuated with someone and you didn’t even know why? No. I think. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Is your more photogenic side your left or right? Well, because of how my hair is positioned, my left side. My hair is parted very far to the left, so the right side of my face is sorta cut diagonally by hair. Do you currently owe money to anyone? No. If you were ever to be on the news, what would you want it to be for? Something heroic, I guess. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven? Accidentally, probably up to like 80 on the highway. Have you ever donated blood? Have you ever done a blood test? I have to both. Have you been inside of a burning building? What happened? Z O I N K S no. Do you believe in astrology/horoscopes? Nope. Have you ever dined alone at a restaurant? No. Have you been in a car accident? What happened? Yes. Some idiot was carrying wood in the back of his truck, and it wasn't secured whatsoever. He hit a bumpy spot, and some of the wood dropped to the road, and he began to swerve out of control. Nailed the side and bumper of my mom's car. Mom drove into a ditch, but in some manner to avoid us flipping over, which judging from the impact point, cops theorized was "supposed" to happen. Nowadays I am terrified to ride or drive behind trucks carrying anything in the back. Have you ever lived alone? No. Have you ever been stung by a bee? Once, on my leg. Have you ever bought stuff at a thrift store? Yeah, I love thrift shops. What was your very first email address? The one I still use now, so I won't share it. It fits me well, but I still hate sharing it, haha. It's just not very "adult-ish." How often do you take naps? Just about every day. Have you ever won a game of pool? Idr. Have you ever seen a tornado in real life? NOOOOOOOOOOO. Have you been in a long-distance relationship? Yes. Have you swam in the ocean? Yeah, I love it. Have you gone ziplining? No, but it'd be cool! Have you been rock climbing? No, just those mock walls at school field days and stuff. Have you hitchhiked? No. Have you had stitches? Where? My chin and then at the very base of my spine. Have you ridden in a taxi? What about an Uber/Lyft? None of those. Have you ridden on a horse? Not legit, but at childhood festivals where there are some horses that walk in a circle... the poor things. I would LOVE to ride a non-restrained, tame horse. Ugh, I wish I could have a horse in general. Their ability to bond with humans is magical. I'll never actually have one, though. I could nooot do all the care they require, and I don't plan on living somewhere where having a horse is appropriate. Have you taken part in a protest? What for? No, just boycotting. Have you ever signed a petition? Yes. I can't remember all of them. Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? No. Have you ever given someone else a haircut? No. What is the longest your hair has been? Just past the small of my back. Have you ever been stranded because your car broke down? No. Thank god for phones, lol. Have you performed on stage? What did you do? Yes, for school band concerts as well as dance recitals. Have you ever used a tanning bed? What about tanning spray? No. How do you prefer to celebrate your birthday? Just quiet and chill with my family, but still give me alone time, please. Who is the best cook that you know? /shrug Do you believe in Bigfoot? What about the Loch Ness Monster? The Loch Ness Monster I don't, but I find surviving sasquatches very possible. There's just too many reported sightings to be totally ignored. I'm not 100% on them still being around, though. I feel like we would've caught one by now. Do your friends tend to be male or female? Female. If you could change anything about human nature, what would it be? Our proclivity to violence when angered. Have you ever fainted? Yes. What skills would you like to learn? Cooking, how to handle money in various contexts, social skills... There's a lot of things. What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Meerkats, for sure. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don’t. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? No. Are there any flowers planted outside your house? No. Do you have a favourite outfit that you like to wear for nights out? I don't have "nights out." When you have a soft drink, do you prefer it in a bottle or can? I like cans because the metal helps it stay cold. Who was the last person to embarrass you? What did they do? I don't know. When you’re upset, do you tend to comfort eat or lose your appetite? I am a BAD comfort eater. Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? Does/did that person go to the same school as you? My online friend Sammy. No. Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? No. When was the last time you used a public toilet? Ummm I think for my birthday lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were? Jason has brown eyes. Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? That '70s Show and especially Supernatural.

[purplesurveys]

564

You hate these 'Are we alike?' surveys, but you still can't resist them. I don’t hate them, I just don’t like just bolding stuff. I get talkative when it comes to surveys so I like explaining myself, like right now haha. I definitely answer these types much less often, though. You are female. Indeed I am. You are eighteen years of age. I’m three years older than that. Your hair is an unnatural (but tasteful) shade of red. It’s black, and I’ve never dyed it red either. You have brown eyes. It’s either black or very dark brown, because I’m not sure if black eyes are actually a thing.

You are single. Nah and haven’t been in a while. You have one older brother. Nope, I’m the eldest in the immediate family and I’m a sister to two siblings. You are third generation Russian and Polish. I’m quite sure there is zero tinge of both bloods in me. You live in Florida. And I also live way too far from Florida. I don’t think we’re much alike, man lol. ^And it is just way too fucking hot for you. Not at the moment. Christmas weather is approaching fast, so I can actually go nights without turning on the aircon now. You are currently waiting to get a piercing. Nope. Terrified of them. You have lots of tattoos already planned out. I don’t have any design ideas other than my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. You write, but don't really consider yourself a 'writer'. If I did, it would probably be an insult to writers. I’m not always confident about my writing, even though I love to do it. You love photography (and not because it's 'popular' these days). I respect the skill and the profession, but I don’t do it myself. I used to try out my hand in it though precisely because it was popular, but that was like nine years ago; I quickly realized I wasn’t any good at holding a camera. You drink tea and coffee on a regular basis. I don’t drink tea and I probably drink coffee 1-2 times a week only.

Gore generally makes you laugh. I try not to laugh at it because I know artists spend a fuckton of time working on making it look legitimate (not related to gore but I felt bad when a bunch of fans called out Bryan Cranston’s bald cap in the El Camino movie, especially knowing that Greg Nicotero, AKA dude who works on the makeup in The Walking Dead, was in the team who made the cap. They did what they could and it highkey looks pretty good, but some fans are just brutal); but if the gore was intentionally corny or bad, then I might laugh.

You basically write down everything because you're afraid you'll forget. Yep, that’s why my Notes app is a list of the most random shit. You're a 'highschool drop-out'. No, I graduated. ^And you're currently working towards your GED. We don’t have that here; I don’t actually know what that means. Am open to anyone explaining it to me! Hahaha You don't really care what anyone thinks about you. Of course I care. But it only matters most when the opinions come from the people close to me. You Tweet excessively and shamelessly. I was definitely more obsessed before (I would probably do 150-200 tweets a day and the website would usually kick me out for an hour for tweeting too much). But I mellowed down over the years when I realized making Twitter my life was a horrible habit and that I needed to get off my laptop lol. I still have the app open all day long, but I do more lurking than posting tweets.

It bothers you that almost every statement on this thing begins with 'you'. It’s supposed to be an are-we-alike survey so I don’t see why that trend should be a problem. Winter is your favorite season. Which is weird because I’ve never experienced it. But based on everyone’s stories about how winter is in their area, it sounds beautiful. You know every word to Badlands by Bruce Springsteen. I have never heard a single note of that song. ^And you're not ashamed to admit it. c: You're afraid to go to sleep most nights. Nah. I’m RELIEVED to sleep every night, especially after a long day lmao You have a blog and you're not afraid to use it. :D This is my blog. I’m not afraid to use it but I definitely am cautious about anyone in real life finding out about it. 'Cheesy', 'dorky', 'weird' and 'freaky' are all terms that apply to you. I’m sure everyone identifies with at least one of these words. You are not religious. That I am not. There was a very VERY brief moment when I was ~17 that I went back to my Catholic roots but that fizzled out quickly once I got to college. ^You are spiritual. No. You can't resist making your mom jokes. They’re old, cheap, and unfunny. Except for the White Chick ones HAHAHA ^Or 'that's what she said' jokes. These are even worse. You have a minor obsession with travel-sized objects. Not really. Hades is a BAMF. <3 Like, Percy Jackson-Hades? Idk, I’ve never seen the movie. ^You actually know who Hades is. (Lawlz.) ^ That’s the only Hades I know. You plan on getting two kittens and naming them Hades and Apollo. I don’t plan on getting kittens, and boy these statements are starting to get real specific that no one else is most likely to relate to them lmao. Serial killers never cease to both amaze and fascinate you. I mean I don’t glorify them in the way you just worded it, but I am interested in reading about them. You have a thing for anything vintage or gothic. Before, I guess. Not so much nowadays. You don't have a lot of patience for stupid people. For stupid drivers, mainly. You tell your fair share of racist jokes. ??? This is one of your are-we-alikes????????? You think neck tattoos are sexyy. I find them neither sexy nor unsexy, but I do inwardly cringe because I always imagine just how much it would have hurt to have had it made, especially tattoos on the throat. You want a mosh pit at your wedding. :D Hell no. 14 year old, punk rocking, headbanging Robyn may have wanted that, but I’m so glad she grew up over the years. The Black Cat by Edgar Allen Poe made you cry. I don’t think I’ve ever read it. You get showtunes stuck in your head on a daily basis. I don’t like that kind of music. You eat emo kids for breakfast. Ok now this is just awful. ^And then follow up with a helping of scene kids for lunch. What the hell does eating emo and scene kids even supposed to mean? You secretly want to become a zombie-human hybrid. I’ve seen enough The Walking Dead to not want this scenario for myself. You strongly believe in peace through superior firepower. No.  You hate hippies. Also no. You actually take the time to look up words you don't know the meanings to. Sure. Googling literally takes five seconds, sometimes fewer. You have a habit of calling everything 'ridiculous'. I like using it as an adverb but I wouldn’t call it a habit.

You love Skwisgaar from Metalocalypse. :D Never heard of both of those things. You wish to invest in a pair of plaid pants. Not my style. You love scaring people--literally and figuratively. Not really. You hate the Fourth of July. I don’t celebrate it so I don’t have reason to hate it. You get excited over new pens and notebooks. That’s being a college student for ya.

^And basically any other kind of art supplies. I guess, but pens and notebooks excite me most. You have a thing for Mustangs. (The car, not the horse.) No. In the Philippines, Mustangs are the most basic of luxury cars so I’ve stopped being impressed when I see them around hahaha. You shamelessly jam to 'Don't Stop Believing' every chance you get. No. You think boundaries are overrated. :D No, they’re necessary. You rarely drink soda. I hate the feeling when it goes down my throat. You always procrastinate until the very last possible minute. For certain work that I particularly don’t like doing. Your favorite font on Microsoft Word is 'calibri'. It’s far from my favorite. You enjoy talking in various fake accents. I can’t do accents. The only time you ever thought Brad Pitt was sexy was when he was in 'Troy' I haven’t seen much of his stuff but I find him very attractive in general. You can make the fuck out of some brownies. c: I don’t bake. You don't do well with change. Sometimes. You always listen to music before going to sleep. I don’t; I find it too loud. You thought this was gay. Ugh, this is awful. ^And you now want to lodge a battle axe into my brain. I’m not THAT violent.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Jealousy Rant

Hello you Rotten Folks,

Due to real life stuff I have been posting less frequently but in particular that long-form stuff. So have this big olde rant on jealousy in BL I may or may not edit more, and may or may not make into audio.

Triggers: for discussion on abusive behavior including physical violence, stalking, controlling behavior, and sexual assault.

Why jealousy is a bad trope:

1.)    It’s toxic

2.)    It’s non-conflict

3.)    It doesn’t actually deal with the roots of jealousy

Are you a fan of Fap’s furious fujoshi fumes, but want a meta-analysis of the genre as a whole instead of specific titles?

Oh no it seems literally no one is asking for that…no one except Faps and FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT HAHA!

So that brings me to “Trouble with Tropes” or heh heh TROUPLES!

Anybody who’s ANY fan of romance has had to stare into the unrelenting green eyes of this trouple.  I speak of no other than Jealousy.  While I think some of what I’m going to say will resonate with how jealousy is used in fiction on a whole, I’m going to focus on how it’s used in BL…which I feel is a very potent and distilled version of it. Also heaven forbid I read about anything beyond nasty gay tonguings.

What better place to start than What IS jealousy?

Jealousy can cover a variety of topics but in the case of romance here I will be talking specifically about romantic and sexual jealousy.

Dictionary.com states that - feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.

Seems to be the one best suited for a romance but I’d argue that the definition that suits BL’s brand of jealousy is more like

fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions.

Why do I say this?

Well because sometimes they literally say their partner is a possession.  And even if not outright stated, it is heavily implied in the script.

(examples: Cute Devil + lamb project + Radical blood monster + Others)

There’s also the fact that very rarely is infidelity even considered a legitimate thing that would occur. As I said, the jealousy in BL is very, very POTENT and therefore has escalated beyond a suspicion of COULD BE UNFAITHFUL to a PERSON IS MY PROPERTY AND MY PROPERTY IS NOT ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH OTHER HUMANS!  

 Getting real

Before I start ripping through this topic like a repressed teenage boy rips through a heavily populated street in Grand theft Auto… allow me to say that jealousy is a valid emotion to experience.  When I rip on this trope it is not my intention to invalidate people who do struggle with jealousy in their relationships.  However if you experience an emotion it doesn’t give you carte blanche to behave in any way you please.   It’s the same as regular old anger.  It’s normal to be angry if a partner forgets to let the dog out so the dog pees on the rug.  However beating the shit out of that partner is NOT the right way to handle the forgetfulness or your own anger.  Same with jealousy, it’s not unusual to get jealous of someone close to their partner. However that person responding to that with physically removing them, and screaming threats at them is SUPER NOT OKAY!  Yet that is not uncommon in BL.

One must also maintain an acceptable amount of jealousy in order to maintain a healthy relationship.   It’s not wrong to feel really angry or sad when you’re jealous…but if you get these feelings ALL THE TIME and due to things that are not a threat to your relationship, then that’s something to manage rather than something to blame on your partner.  Capice?

TOXIC

The main problem is that the jealousy that is common in BL is HELLA TOXIC! Jealousy is regularly tied to deeper issues of personal insecurity yet the fact there is any kind of insecurity is very rarely mentioned in the text or even subtext of the story.  Instead of this becoming a problem that one has to deal with on a personal level, it becomes a problem of the other having to obtain unrealistic standards.  Sometimes the source of the jealousy is not a feasible such as a TODDLER NEPHEW or the fact that strangers GLANCE AT THEM when in public and sometimes the source of the jealousy isn’t even human. I have seen characters throw jealousy tantrums over pets, work (school or career orientated), and even the vague concept of a SPORT!    So if you’re trying to avoid jealousy in a BL make sure you don’t go to school, don’t have a job, don’t own pets, don’t have family, don’t go out in public, and DEAR GOD don’t have hobbies either!  Woah faps those things aren’t humans so it’s not like romantic or sexual jealousy.  That’s a fair point…but the thing is the romantic/sexual jealousy functions the exact same way in those non-sexual/romantic scenarios.  HOW COULD THAT BE???? Well the jealousy that we see here is in part about being left out when a partner does other things but is in large part about dominance.  You got no other man to posture against? Well then just posture at a child, a puppy, or at a basketball why not?

Not only does jealousy crop up to unreasonable situations, an unreasonable amount of time (I’d estimate it occurs in 80% of BL mangas) but the way it’s handled is usually problematic as well.  

The most common response I’ve seen to jealousy is the seme grabbing the uke by the wrist, dragging him away from the source of jealousy, pinning him to a wall, explaining that the source of jealousy is bad for the uke or that the uke is behaving poorly/stupidly by simply interacting with the source of jealousy, and they a fit of forceful jealousy induced make-outs or sex occurs that range from consensual to downright very non-consensual.  Sometimes the uke will protest this treatment or the characterization of the jealousy fodder but this is pointless because it doesn’t become a conversation.  It is simply about the seme controlling the uke and asserting his dominance.  

Stalking is also extremely common if there is suspected jealousy.   Troubling jealousy behavior can range from as tame as going through someone’s phone without permission to drugging, kidnapping, and nearly killing a partner for one of these trespasses.

HEY HEY HEY NOW! You man-hater! Ukes can be super creepy jealous too! …but ukes are men too… THAT’S NOT THE POINT! You’re acting as if only dominant partners experience jealousy!

No, no, no, you’re right. Ukes get jealous too and sometimes to the same batty degree.  Yet, as a whole, uke jealousy tends to be less common and less destructive than jealousy of the seme variety.   The most common situation where an uke gets jealous of what a seme is doing is, the uke is pushed into a corner to admit he’s jealous.  The seme will reassure the uke he’s misunderstood and they make up.   On one hand you can argue that this is a much healthier way to settle a jealousy problem. On another hand you may view this as something of a double standard.  

If the uke’s jealous…it’s the uke’s fault and it’s nothing to worry about.  If the seme’s jealous...it’s the uke’s fault and it’s deadly serious.

This double standard even extends into how we view violent reactions for either side.  If a seme hits an uke for a trespass it will usually be framed as serious and scary.  If the uke hits the seme for a trespass it will usually be framed as a silly, and harmless outburst of tsundereness.

…Yes that’s right, the patriarchal set up of the seme/uke dynamic doesn’t just take a shit on ukes….though 9 times out of 10 it’s the ukes that do get the short end of the stick here.

Okay but let’s get the root of the problem…why is jealousy used?

If you’re a person who is not a bitter feminist killjoy who says aggravating SJW shit like, “TOXIC MONOGOMY CULTURE OPRRESSES MY GENDER NEUTRAL GENITLES” you may argue that jealousy is romantic.  I personally don’t think it is, but you’re fully allowed to view jealousy, as a concept, as a touching display of vulnerability and investment in a relationship.

However if you’re a cynical over-thinking fujoshi brimming with resentment to the genre you’ve mistakeningly dedicated your free time to, you may say the frequent use of jealousy is simply because it’s EASY WRITING!

It’s handy throw-away drama you can use in an established relationship that won’t have deeper ramifications for the relationship even if it’s on-going.  You can solve this pretty easily at any given point or decide to reintroduce it despite it previously being wrapped up.  You can use this almost TOTALLY regardless of either of the characters’ personalities or back stories.   It’s good for a quick antagonist, or to tantalize fans with a different flavor of sexual tension.  This is usually dependent on the gender of the jealousy fodder.

Ugh I’ve heard you use the term ~jealousy fodder~ like a billion times.  Why do you call it that?  

Because these characters rarely have anything going for them besides the fact they’re the conflict du-jour.  You’d be hard pressed to learn an interest of the fodder’s outside of “TRYING TO BANG PROTAG!” and they rarely do anything else in the story besides create this shallow drama.  Sometimes the jealousy drama is totally auxiliary to the main conflict of the story to boot. If you’re lucky and ONLY if you’re lucky the fodder will be shuffled into another couple.  Sometimes you won’t even see this jealousy used in a love triangle way.  It’s usually pretty obvious from the beginning that the protag is going to choose even if the other option is an objectively better person and choice for them.

In my years of reading BL I have only encountered 2 instances of a character being jealous and the other character ACTUALLY cheats on him. (Zetsuai Bronze and Totally Captivated.) Now people have different standards of what “cheating” is.  Some goes so far as to say that “Thinking about cheating” is CHEATING.  Even by that (pretty ridged standard) I would still say only the above.

Despite this low, low number, I see jealousy used in manga 80% of the time.  Are you picking up what I’m putting down here?  A breach of actual trust is not actually going to happen…99.99% of the time.  Oh but what if the jealousy is something a character has to work through to feel less anxious?  Excellent idea! I’ve seen that approach FUCKING ONCE! (Café Latte Rhapsody) So if there is no actual threat of trust breaching and it’s not something either of them has to work through on a mental or emotional level….WHAT KIND OF CONFLICT IS THAT?

NON-FUCKING-CONFLICT IS WHAT!

I’d be much more entertained by staring into my own fucking bellybutton….but faps obviously you would since you navel-gaze as if you have a gemstone there.  IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH I’LL BECOME I CRYSTAL GEM OKAY!?!?!?!?

Eh-hem!

But you will see jealousy commonly used in one instance of actually plot important drama.  And that is the ever, important, cementing of a couple’s relationship.   I call the use of jealousy in this instance:

TOY TRUCK CONSUMATION

Da fuck is that?  Toy truck consummation is a character will only realize he truly cares romantically for someone because he experiences jealousy. He didn’t want that toy truck until somebody else was going to play with it.  Thankfully I don’t see this often outside of high school settings.  A grown-ass man who is that fucking blind to his own feelings and childish enough to throw a tantrum out of it, can fuck RIGHT OFF! ….Though honestly teenagers behaving that way is still deeply shitty.

This is not an auspicious beginning to a loving relationship, if it’s formulated over single-mindedly hating a 3rd party, a 3rd party that is typically on good-terms with the target of affection.  So, a relationship we’re supposed to root for is predicated on a dude swooping in and ripping a valued person away from them for entirely selfish reasons.  I wouldn’t consider it dreamy if a seme threw an uke’s beloved play station 4 out the window because it holds the ukes attention sometimes.  I consider it even less dreamy when it’s something even more valued like yanno a friend.  (Though of course this can happen from the uke to the seme as well.) While sometimes, this individual is romantically interested in one of our leads…I’d say a good half the time if not more…they’re not at all.  

“Why are you losing your mind over someone, you’re not dating, hanging out with their friend? Even if the friend very obviously has 0 romantic or sexual interest in them?  Is it because you’re an anal fungus that causes people to shit their pants for no reason?  It’s probably because you’re a parasitic ass mushroom that makes people poop uncontrollably”

This, also, is pretty damn lazy.  Writing someone coming to grips with a difficult emotion is hard in itself. Writers will usually use 3rd parties to help bounce information back to a struggling individual to help give them insight.  And that can be used in this case as well!  Interacting with another couple, talking to someone who’s an out LGBTQ person, or even just a friend or relative that can relate!  However all of that is harder to pull off as melodramatically as a petty fuck-lord gut-punching a jealousy fodder out of the blue.  Hoo boy sonny! We should have a parade in his honor cause golly isn’t that the way to handle your problems!

But what if the jealousy fodder was really after them?

Then I would say the story may feature the trope….

Irrational jealousy magiced into rational jealousy!

What I mean is that there is a dominant that appears to be irrationally jealous.  There is no indication in the text the jealousy fodder is not on the up and up and the dominant is not privy to classified documents that make him secretly suspicious.  However turns out the harmless friend, acquaintance, co-worker, boss, mail man etc is actually a heartless rapist just trying to lower the submissive’s guard.  

This trope makes me foam at the mouth because not only is it cheap, cliché, and annoying but it justifies abusive behavior.  It states that No matter what crazy shit that lunatic boyfriend of yours spouts he’s fucking infallible.  If he tells you that the atmosphere has become poisonous to you and the only breathable air is in his testicles, you better clamp down on that cocktail wiener like a pit-bull because any damn self-serving nonsense he spews must be followed to the fucking letter.  Why? Because he is a mind-reader, a genius, and a clairvoyant with flawless judgment by nature of being born a DOMINANT MAN! TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

May I just add this is not a trope specific to BL but a trope that makes me want to drink into a stupor each time I see it.

Well if you’re so fucking relationship savy, how would you handle jealousy in stories huh!?

…By actually tackling the causes of jealousy which are very rarely acknowledged in BL.  As far as I can tell there are 3 major roots of jealousy.

1.)    Insecurity – I am not a good enough partner so my significant other is going to drop me as soon as they find somebody better.

2.)    Distrust – My partner does not respect our monogamous agreement and will sleep with other people if they can get away with it.

3.)    Missing out -  I feel left out if my partner is doing something without me.

I have seen all three roots play a role in fictional jealousy outbursts and they’re usually tied intimately together.  However the 1st two are the keys here.

Mistrust is an interesting situation because 99% of the time the mistrust is not that the partner will sleep around given the chance.  However the mistrust is shown as more of a, “I cannot trust my partner to avoid situations where they’ll be sexually assaulted.”

While this is framed as a jealousy issue at times, I don’t think it should.  Why?  If a character is sexually assaulted it is NOT the victims fault.   But haha welcome to the 50 foot deep pit of backwards sexual politics that is BL. YOU’RE WELCOME!

Insecurity plays a large role in BL jealousy…but I have only seen it addressed directly as a failing of personal confidence once. (Café Latte Rhapsody)

Most of the time characters that are subtextualy highly insecure are portrayed as powerful and that their jealousy tantrums is just ~how strong men act~ rather than ~they obviously hate themselves and fear their partner would find someone better.~  

I’ll be quite frank, a lot of the time…they’re correct the uke could do a lot better than the jerkass seme they’re saddled with.  However, instead of changing their negative behavior for the better they just control the uke’s every movements which is yanno not doing the uke OR the seme any favors. Sometimes this functions realistically in a story like in Space Between where Riki is an unwilling sex slave and Iason keeps him under his thumb.  However the majority of them treat this like a normal and healthy relationship…but

Wouldn’t it be better if one is not constantly wracked with fear over their partner leaving them?

Wouldn’t it be better if the other can have friends and leave the house?

I’m not saying the two can’t struggle with issues of jealousy…but I mean…can’t we treat jealousy like something they work on together instead of just,

“I can’t believe you talked to them! I DIDN’T MEAN TO!”

That sound clip? Just play it on loop

“WELP LET’S HAVE THIS SAME EXACT PISSING CONTEST FOR THE 90TH FUCKING TIME!  IT’S NOT GOING TO BE DIFFERENT NEXT TIME BECAUSE WE’RE NOT GOING TO TREAT IT LIKE ADULTS WOULD!”

 So the problem with jealousy as a trope in romance and BL fiction is thus:

1.)    It’s toxic, doesn’t treat it as toxic, and sometimes justifies the toxicity.

2.)    It’s pathetic, cliché, non-conflict

3.)    It doesn’t really even understand what jealousy is.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever had a bonfire on the beach? No, but I’ve always wanted to.

Are you skilled when it comes to working in the kitchen? Nope.

When was the last time you went to a campground? I’ve only been once when I was about 5.

Do you listen to music while driving? Of course. Is there a movie you currently want to see? I just saw the trailer for A Simple Favor and that looks really good. I’m always down for a psychological thriller. Also, the new Halloween movie is coming out soooon.

When was the last time you hung out with people younger than you? I hang out with my younger bro a lot. What is the closest blue object to you? There’s blue on my water bottle label.

How much did you spend on your last shopping trip? I think about $30.

Do you wish you had a better cellular plan? No, the one we have is good.

Are you good at buying gifts for people? Certain people it’s really easy and then for others I have a little more trouble.

Would you consider yourself to be generous? I feel like I used to be.

Have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity? Yes.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard.

Are you currently studying for your driver’s license? Nope.

Have you ever gone over your cellphone plan by accident? We have unlimited.

Are you in a relationship with the last person you kissed? Nopeee.

Ever done something that at the time didn’t bother you, but it did later? Yes.

Can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? A few times.

Where did you get your last bruise from? I don’t recall.

Is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? I haven’t worn it in so long. I used to like nudes and some colors. Nothing too crazy.

Have you ever been addicted to mints? No.

Are you a person that likes to take chances? No.

Would you consider your life to be great right now? No.

When a friend confides in you with their problems, do you listen? Yes.

Do you have a piece of technology that should be dead, but it’s still going? Hmm. My current phone and laptop aren’t that old.

When it rains, does it put the damper on your mood? I love the rain.

What was the latest you stayed up in the past week? Like 3ish. I haven’t been staying up that late lately.

Have you had an awkward situation with someone recently? No.

Do you always seem to be losing your bobbypins? That always happens and I don’t understand where they disappear to.

When was the last time you found something overwhelming? Oh ya know. Just life.

Going anywhere next year for vacation? We don’t have any plans as of now.

Ever sent drunk texts? Nah.

Do you remember the dream you had last night? No.

How many dresses do you own? I’d say about 5.

Do any of your friends seem like a brother or sister to you? No.

What bothers you more, cigarette smoke or cigar smoke? Blechhh, both. I can’t be around it, it gives me a bad headache and I feel lightheaded.

What do you think of Leonardo DiCaprio? Good actor.

Have you ever seen a movie that messed with your mind? Yes.

Do you look good in hats? Meh. I like beanies better.

Can you see a noticeable difference between DVD and Blueray? I’ve never really compared or took notice.

Is there a song you’re currently listening to on repeat? No.

Are you going to make a mega wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11? Well it’s 2018 now, so. Also, I don’t wish on 11:11 anyway.

Speaking of numbers, do you have a lucky one? No, but my favorite number is 8.

What do you think musical artists who use autotune? I don’t care.

Have you ever held hands with someone for no reason? I hold my pups hand just cause.

Has anything surprised you today? Not so far.

When was the last time you played a video game? Last year.

Have you ever just watched flames from a fire & just thought about things? Yes.

Are there any musical albums coming out soon that you can’t wait for? No.

Have you talked to your significant other today? I’m single.

Have you ever sat down and eaten an entire cake by yourself? Nooo. I like cake, but I can barely finish a piece.

Do you have perfect vision? Nope, hence why I wear glasses.

Is there something you want to buy right now? I’m already thinking about lunch.

Do you know anyone who can speak Gaelic? No.

When it comes to eye color, do you have a preference? I wouldn’t say a preference, but I think blue and green are really pretty.

What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I’ve just owned the usual kinds, dogs, fish, and a couple of hamsters.

Is your hair currently dyed? Yep.

Has something annoyed you recently? Yeah.

Do you like Doritos? I do.

When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? Nope. I’m too lazy. I very rarely have an issue; though, so it’s fine.

Have you used bugspray recently? Yeah, when we went to the beach last week.

Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? No, but I love being close to it and watching/listening to the waves crash in. I’ve gone to the beach a couple times recently and the time I spent doing that was just so relaxing.

Have you ever bitten through your lip by accident? Oh yes. Not fun.

Are you good at coming up with dares? I always sucked at that.

Do you know someone with the last name Brown? No.

Is there somewhere in the world you would never go? Yeah.

Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? Nope.

Has someone ever told you something that left you speechless? Yes.

Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? I kind of felt like what happened between Ty and I was like one.

Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? No.

Or perhaps, do you believe that there’s that “someone” out there for you? I don’t feel like there is.

Does money really matter to you? I mean, yeah.

Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Not that I can think of. I mean yeah there’s things I want to do, but I’m not like “I swear I will no matter what!”

Do you know anyone who is a germaphobe? Yes. I kind of am as well with some things.

Have you ever just laid out and watched the stars? No.

Is there a song that gets you pumped up no matter what? I suppose so.

How about a song that soothes your anger or sadness? I wouldn’t say they soothe my anger or sadness, but I like listening to certain songs when in those moods.

Have you ever cheated at a card game? Nah.

Tell me what colors you’re wearing right now? Mustard yellow with maroon red on the sleeve cuffs and collar and black sweatpants.

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? Yeah.

Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I’m almost 30. I never longed for the day I’d be an adult and I still keep wishing I’d stop. This adult stuff is not for me.

Have you ever felt like your heart actually stopped? Yes.

Are you a fast runner? I’m no runner.

What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? I’m very picky, so.

What emotions do you associate with the color blue? Sadness.

Do you have a “poker face”? I guess.

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? There’s been times where it was a real struggle lol.

Do any of your friends shamelessly burp or fart in public? Noo.

When was the last time you had a good cry? I cry a lot.

Has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you? I just got a random message from someone who said that lmao.

Is there a soundtrack to a movie that you absolutely love? Hmm.

Do you have a place where you keep your keepsakes? Various places.

Have you ever had a “thumb war” with someone? Yep.

What’s your favorite style of jeans? (Skinny, boot cut, flare, etc) Skinny.

Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? Yes.

Do you have trouble sleeping if you sleep anywhere else but home? I just have trouble sleeping regardless. I do get up earlier; though, when I’m not at home.

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? Ugh, yes.

Do any of your friends have particularly annoying habits? Everyone has ‘em.

Is there someone you know who can never mind their own business? Yes.

If you need a job, will you take whatever you can get? I’m not able to work right now.

When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Disney movies.

Do you rely on caffeine to keep you awake sometimes? It takes the edge off in the morning but doesn’t have much of a jolting effect anymore. <<< Same.

When it comes to tests or exams, are you a crammer? I always was.

Time goes by faster as you get older, don’t you find? Yes.

Have you ever had a panic attack? Yes.

Do you own anything made of silk? Nope.

Is there anyone you know who looks like their dog? lol no. I’ve seen pictures of people who look like their dogs, though.

Are you deathly allergic to anything? No.

Have you ever had a mouse in your house? UGH yes. So gross.

Has anyone you trusted ever backstabbed you? Yeah.

Do you recycle? Yes.

[gameofthronesrenlyxlorasforever]

Top ASOIAF Romances

These are my top asoiaf romances, meaning the ones I was rooting for and/or found fascinating. Sometimes there’s an overlap of “I find it interesting” and “I was rooting for it”, but not in each case. This is a mix of show and book canon because it turns out that most of the romantic relationships in asoiaf are pretty crappy. If we look beyond the actual novels though, there are quite a few gems.

#1 Renly x Loras 

The best OTP in the story, in my opinion. For one, we get lines like, “when the sun has set, no candle can replace it”. That is incredibly touching. It’s a King and his Knight. How can someone not love that? On the show, they depicted the relationship quite well. At first, that is. It was great in Season 2. Let’s leave it at that. I’ve talked about this before, but these boys met when they were quite young. Which means they were friends first and that’s beautiful. The tragedy is so heartbreaking, it’s at The Song of Achilles levels. The two m/m romances are similarly tender and affectionate. It’s an Achilles x Patroclus, Alexander x Hepheastion, romance. The lovers who went to war and only one returned, only for the other to die soon after. (Loras is alive in the books (maybe) but the way things have been on the show, I don’t see good things coming for any of the Tyrells : (       

#2 Ned x Catelyn 

What’s interesting about this Stark-Tully match is that it was an arranged marriage that turned into genuine love. People tend to complain about romances that are not dramatic enough, and these two could be in that category. If it weren’t for a couple of brilliant pieces of realistic drama in their relationship. Typically it’s contrived and silly whenever people who love each act like morons for the sake of relationship drama, but not in this case. The main reasons for Cat and Ned’s issues are that a) she was supposed to marry Brandon, Ned’s older brother. There’s a chance that Ned thinks Cat had feelings for Brandon, and I think she found him attractive in the way teen girls sometimes find “bad boys” attractive. At the same time, Cat was too smart not to be concerned about Brandon’s “wolfblood” nature. And b) Jon Snow. Their second relationship complication is Ned’s bastard. Specifically, that he refused to send Jon away to be fostered somewhere and chose to raise him along with his trueborn children instead. Cat didn’t so much care that Ned cheated on her (her patriarchy brain said “men have needs” and they were apart for a long time and hadn’t known each other well anyway) but that she had to see the consequence of his infidelity walking around Winterfell. Many people hate Cat for not loving Jon, but this is a world where the legitimacy of children is something people start wars over. She felt Jon’s very existence, and especially that he lived at Winterfell, put her own children at risk. Remember, we know Jon loves Cat’s kids, but when he was little, Cat had no way of knowing what type of person he would grow up to be. She feared he would murder her kids to become Lord Stark, a la Ramsay. Of course, the Ramsay situation hadn’t happened yet, but the Blackfyres had. Cat knew about those wars over succession that happened because of the mere existence of an alternate heir. Combine her history knowledge with the Westerosi prejudice against bastards and her choices make sense. So, even though Cat and Ned are a loving couple whose values and temperament work well together, they had their own share of relationship drama (the stuff people love when it comes to reading romance, apparently).  

#3 Oberyn x Ellaria 

The epic love between some of our most significant show!Dornish characters. I’d argue that Arianne and Quentyn end up being the more important players in the books. On the show, they went overboard with making sure we understood that Ellaria and Oberyn weren’t straight. Letting us know would have been fine, except they used the brothel to do it. Anyway, GRRM had no brothels for them. Duh. A prince of the realm will not be staying at a brothel when he comes to the capital for the wedding of a king. 

Come on, D&D! Ugh. Still, at least Oberyn and Ellaria were presented as the good guys who go up against the Lannisters (while being awesome and having some really good lines) and that was fun. Though the brothel stuff was in poor taste. At least they were both LGBT characters we were meant to root for, originally. They were also POC, so that was nice. (This was in season 4 when Dornish people were caricatured but at least they were still presented as the good, contrasted to the Lannisters’ bad)

Basically, Oberyn and Ellaria get points for being LGBT and non-white characters and they are fun and sexy as well. In the books, the relationship is very sweet. They have quite a few kids together, and, though they’re not monogamous, they are happy together and committed to each other. They clearly love each other after many years, so that is some sorely lacking warmth in the story. Also, they are good parents. While they made Ellaria on the show kind of evil, in the books, she is 100% against revenge. Book!Ellaria doesn’t want anyone else in her family to get hurt.       

#4 Egg x Betha 

So, we don’t know how these two met, but it’s probably going to happen in one of the upcoming Dunk & Egg stories. The mystery surrounding the D&E characters is rather fun and it extends to the Egg and Betha romance. We know Egg married for love and we know Betha Blackwood was a spirited woman. Ergo, they were in love. That’s very rare for a royal couple. Can’t wait to meet her! She will be awesome. I’m guessing her personality will be like a Stark’s.   

#5 Myrcella x Trystane 

This is show!canon only, kind of. Myrcella is supposed to marry Trystane in the future, but they are little kids in the books. Still, it is very cute they have a bond. We see that in the Dornish chapters in AFFC. On the show, they are teens, who fell in love despite every obstacle. There are the cultural differences, for one thing. It could have been an issue because the rest of Westeros is racist when it comes to their perception of Dorne. Especially Cersei. BUT Myrcella and Trystane fall in love and it is very sweet. As Doran says, they don’t know how risky it is to have a Lannister and a Martell together. It’s all very Romeo and Juliet, complete with a painful ending. Yes, the Dornish Plot was butchered on the show, but these two kids and Doran were well done. Beautiful and tragic.  

#6 Cersei x Jaime 

Let’s get it out of the way first: this is a toxic relationship. Everything about it is unhealthy. The fact that they are twins, the fact that she only loves him as a reflection of herself, the fact that they had to kill a king and cause a war for it. But unlike with most toxic romances, the author here actually knows that it is a complete mess. That’s what’s so great about the Lannisters. They are all so dysfunctional we cannot look away.  

#7 Jaime x Brienne *

This relationship is not canon by the strictest of definitions. There is no concrete line to confirm that they feel more for each other than friendship. Well, there are plenty of lines that tells us they have feelings for each other, but no one ever quite calls it love. And yet, it is underneath all of their interactions, which is very much the author’s go-to move. He doesn’t like to tell us someone truly loves a person in the story. What he does is present us with evidence pro and con “true love” and we have to weigh the evidence and decide. Btw, I think he would object to the concept of “true love”. I haven’t read/seen him talk about this, but I bet he believes how someone loves depends on personalty and circumstances. I think he would say that it’s possible to love truly but that doesn’t mean the emotion won’t ever go away. That things won’t change. This is especially true for our Lannister and our lady of Tarth. It’s such a slow-burn, and because it’s GRRM, we can smell the tragic ending the moment we realize they have feelings for each other.     

#8 Dunk x Rohanne 

The ultimate lowborn noble-hearted knight and highborn lady couple. Their bickering and flirting was very sexy in the novella. It’s a twist on Robin and Maid Marion, a story which is a classic for a reason. It’s a no HEA rich-mean-girl-and-boy-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks-with-a-heart-of-gold, which is just the GRRM type of realism we all love to hate. It’s a truthful look at such a love. It was never going to work between our Red Widow and our dearest hedgeknight. Lesson learned; just because it is a novella and not an epic poem, that doesn’t make heartbreak, or love, any less real. 

#9 Aegon x Rhaenys x Visenya 

The best of all love triangles, tbh. While most love triangles are poorly constructed, people love to read about that trope. Refreshingly, it’s not one girl and two guys this time. It’s Aegon and his two sisters/wives. What’s fascinating is that his relationship was very different with each of them. Also, there must have been a lot of jealousy because whoever had the first son was the mother of the future king, and, as Margaery told us, sons learn from their mothers. The fact that the woman Aegon loved more died so young, resulting in Aegon and Visenya having to put up with each other without her, is amazing angst. 

#10 Bloodraven x Shiera Seastar 

This is such a power couple. The bastards who were unabashedly themselves. It’s so fun that she kept lovers and refused to marry him just because she wanted to annoy him. There is something sexy about a couple made up of powerful people who are both manipulative. 

#11 Naerys x Aemon the Dragonknight *

Naerys x Aemon is not quite canon, but many people in-universe believe that the pious queen cheated on her cruel king-brother-husband with the noble knight who was the royal couple’s brother. Because her husband was so terrible to both of them, I hope they had an epic romance and found solace in each other. This couple is sexy because of the forbidden romance trope, and because being pious and an adulterer is deliciously angsty. It’s Guinevere and Lancelot with incest, which sounds like it would make HBO salivate. On a more serious note, it is just like GRRM to take a trope like “the forbidden lovers” and push it to the extremes of taste. And it works. Every time. (Not every time the show is “shocking” but whenever GRRM wants to re-sensitize the audience to a topic. 

* I’m certain everyone’s wondering why the story of Rhaegar and Elia and Lyanna is missing here. Well, it’s not on the list because I’m not certain any of the three was in love with any of the other two. We know Rhaegar was not in love with Elia. He was fond of her, cared about her and loved her as a friend and confidante. It’s speculation, but I really believe Elia wasn’t in love with him either. She was fond of him as he was fond of her. As for Lyanna, she’s a wildcard in the story. Did she run away with Rhaegar or did he kidnap her? I think the show is going the true love route, but I think GRRM will make the situation more complicated than that. I really loathe the annulment and I would bet money that’s all D&D and GRRM never wrote such a stupid thing. Polygamy makes way more sense, people! He’s a Targaryen, after all. The only way I can see myself slightly forgiving D&D for the annulment is if they say the kids are still legitimate. As for Dany and Drogo and Jon and Ygritte, I hate Dany’s marriage to Drogo and don’t care for Jon’s relationship with Ygritte. Drogo was Dany’s rapist. To ship a child with the man who rapes her every night… it would be like shipping Laurent with the Regent in Captive Prince. Abhorrent. Disgusting. Jon x Ygritte is not nearly as bad, but there’s still a consent issue. He starts sleeping with her to prove he gave up being a crow. While I loathe Khal Drogo and cheered when Dany finally killed him, I kinda liked Ygirtte. At certain points, I nearly shipped Jon x Ygritte. 

As for Jonerys, I’ll write a piece about them when the season is over. It’s one of my main OTPs, but I want to celebrate them being officially canon by writing about them then. 

[earthdeep]

ok so

having finished silver snow I've now done all the story content easily available to me, even tho the two music tracks in the extras menu that are ???ed out still do worry me

and tbh I don't have much to say abt silver snow itself bc it is almost identical to verdant wind HOWEVER I'm taking this opportunity to ramble my thoughts on the game as a whole, in a format that will likely not make sense to myself let alone anyone else

I guess I'll start on my thoughts on the lords? + rhea bc she's basically a fourth lord. so like, personal fave is still edelgard bc I am gay and angry with the state of the world, followed by claude bc he's fun and also probably the best person out of all the major players in this game, then rhea further back for being fucking terrifying to me and yet also woefully incompetent at the act of doing anything important, and dimitri is waaaaaaaaaaaaay down at the bottom of the barrel bc I am not here for angry white boys. I'm incredibly disappointed in the fandom wrt how much they adore dimitri. not surprised, mind you, since I've seen the cullenites in the dragon age fandom and their years of bullshit. but still, el and claude have so much more going for them (and are hotter to boot lbr) that it makes it suuuuuuper difficult to claim race and gender has nothing to do with it. but I'm totally sharing some of that blame with the game too, bc dimitri did get brought up in a good light more than, say, claude did in the eagles routes. which is super shite since claude's the fucking helpful one. srsly I had to sit through dream!dimitri in silver snow and you couldn't give me another claude scene- oh my god I just realised I didn't here from him again after he went missing. son of a fuck my dude just disappeared. like I assume he ran off to almyra like every other time but I just never saw him again.

actually, since we're on the topic of claude not being widely beloved enough by the fandom for me not to side eye them, leeeeeeet's point out a little smth smth with 3h's darker skinned characters. bc.... eesh. dedue? absolute life debt mode to the whitest of boys, hobbies include household chores, big brawny lad who's only recently literate. if disney wrote this character he would currently be locked in the vault out of shame. but I guess if it's not a pattern- oh hello cyril. at least HIS life debt is to the whitest of ladies instead! literally, her dragon form is the actual colour white. at least catherine used to be a noble, even if it's in danger of being cancelled out by her also being a brigand. and I don't think she's any good at chores either which is good. but like, the devotion...

we have claude and petra too, who thankfully have lives of their own. but it's hard not to wince when claude is called some variant of sneaky for the hundredth time (he's all talk yo...) and petra's post timeskip outfit makes me feel kinda gross if I look at it too long. it's annoying bc her face makes me feel gay things and then the camera pans and I'm back to oh yeah, they really wanted the tropical princess halloween costume huh.

at least judith's cool. and even wears trousers. I've never seen her in action in my game bc I overlevel and get through fights too fast for her but we stan her on this blog anyway. and this is already the third 3h lady I've had this response to but I am super gay.

anyway that elephant has finally been ushered out of the room, time to ramble about narrative things. bc what the fuck was three houses doing? verdant wind and silver snow were the same but for the final boss (and BOY is that final boss an asspull in both routes) while azure moon is similar but with entirely different factions being discussed, then crimson flower is just HALF A ROUTE?? and tbh crimson flower was I think the best, not only bc it was p unique and let me hug edelgard but also bc it was as short as it was. all the other routes dragged to hell and back as a result of being restrained by the calendar. you have so much fucking energy by endgame that it's a fucking chore to use it all, and you can only go two weeks before you've taught everyone on your main team and need to go explore and feed them or give them shit and then you need to use up all your energy and collect some more ingredients for the meals you keep having and then decide what you're going to do with your free day now all your paralogues are done and you don't want for ore or gold or levels so do you- ugh I know I could just skip but it feels wrong to do when not story appropriate. the calendar system works during the academy phase and fits the almost slice of life feeling it has, but once there's a war on it just destroys the narrative tension. war isn't hell in three houses, war is purgatory.

and now for something completely different: the church n stuff. it sure is very based on the real life church! as an agnostic lesbian maybe you can guess how high my hackles raised whenever anything particularly churchy came up. I do wonder whether IS underestimated how heavily that could sway the viewpoint of the player. bc I walked in ready to burn that fucking monastery to the ground if I'm honest. it's rare to be able to do that to christianity allegories in video games (*cough*dragonage*cough*) so crimson flower appealed to me a lot in a way I'd guess wouldn't to certain others (*stares at the white boy stans*) and it's kind of a kick in the teeth to be railroaded into worrying abt rhea in verdant wind. I purposely avoided support with her during that run and yet my dialogue options the moment she vanished were byleth caring abt her well being. game, the most I care at this point is that she is alive enough to give me some fucking answers on the shit she's been doing this past millenium. and that specific factor makes me wonder whether silver snow was done first and basically copy pasted to serve as a different route, forgetting that the player may not have the same objectives since they've been rolling with claude the visionary for the past year.

honestly the golden deer in general get kinda shafted by the game. I've seen others point it out too, but they get like no exposure outside of claude unless you seek them out. of the eagles, edelgard and hubert are always major characters appearing as bosses multiple times, although the others do fall to the background. then dear god the lions. both ashe and sylvain have entire month's missions dedicated to a part of their backstory during the academy phase! and even while dimitri dies after a single battle away from his route, there's a good chance dedue's coming back for more. claude gets a couple letters and a single battle and then he's out. let us ally with claude you bastard of a game.

I got sidetracked there but like the ashe and sylvain getting prominent story beats in all routes I think was a bit of a lost opportunity. and also probably is the reason sylvain is actually as popular as he is. dude's kind of a scumbag and it really does take being contextualised by his obscene amount of trauma to start understanding or liking him. it also helps he's easy as fuck to recruit and a very viable unit so u have a gameplay route to getting attached to him (legit 3/4 of my playthroughs had me fielding him as one of my regulars).

but think of the potential to add that to other characters! imagine seeing the conditions that led leonie to obsess over jeralt! meeting all these (completely alive!) siblings we keep hearing about then not seeing! killing bernadetta's father! the possibilities are endless and could be easily explained by rhea assigning tasks to students who already have relevant context or whatever. just ugh some of the choices made by the writers annoy me.

sfdlkdfkjdj I don't know how to connect this last bit at all, bc it's just observations abt like the models n stuff. I like how they've obviously set materials up for all the models to easily change clothing colours to differentiate factions. that's cool. they did that with skin tones too, so if you zoom in on like the agarthans you can see their weird super pale complexion (tho for some reason their battalions have regular skin?). tho it does make it weird when the 2d portrait is always the same. this duscar soldier sure doesn't look like his profile pic.

anyway that was the last thing on my mind abt this game. kinda anticlimactic to end on, I know, but rather in the spirit of things. only crimson flower knows what a satisfying conclusion is, after all :) long live lady edelgard yo.

[fenton-bus]

'Unsuccessful' is not the adjective Iris would use to modify the shiny, abrupt, hellscape of an evening whose debris she currently stands amidst. 'Terrible' is too kind. 'Unfortunate' suggests that there some course of action she could have taken to prevent this. The phrase 'Dumpster fire' is a good start, 'study is the subtle art of wtf' is better.

"Disaster having unprotected sex with catastrophe and popping out the apocalypse" is disqualified, mostly because Cisco is saying it aloud at about the same time Kara starts applying her laser vision (and yes, that is a thing that currently exists uncomfortably close to Iris's entire life) to what was once a wall in her apartment and now mostly resembles a canvas on which some experimental artist does her least inspired work.

It should not be this difficult to come up with something. Words are her weapons, they can topple empires, and comfort the downtrodden, and on rare occasions ignite the soul and ugh, no. If she has more than three Long Island Ice Teas there's always a point in the evening where she comes very close to crying over Christian Amnpor. Damn it. Anyway, words do her bidding on a daily basis, so it's a little disappointing to find herself mentally flipping through her tragedy specific Thesaurus unable to come up with a single descriptor.

It's a testament to Cisco's dedication to their friendship that despite being properly drunk and a little blown away, he's sitting up on the couch and earnestly attempting to make words. Iris would help him out but she's still a little...

(Kara, with whom Iris shares a fifteen by twenty foot cubicle for a year, bashfully apologizes for essentially setting Iris' kitchen on fire then walks out on the balcony and proceeds to fly the fuck a way.)

The food she spends a large percentage of the evening preparing-all of which is completely edible and not at all burnt-is decorating the dinning-room floor. Well, that's not entirely accurate. Some of the more ambitious chunks of macaroni and cheese have rolled into the living room to huddle in a weird semi-circle around the couch legs. Her dining-room table is in two relatively even pieces. It's not an IKEA refund but there is something to be said about the precision of lasers.  Fun fact: Five minutes after Iris opens the wine (is it weird that opening wine makes her feel like an actual adult?) and ten minutes before she no longer has a table, the twitchy dude Kara insists is a friend from trivia night pulls out his guitar from seemingly nowhere and decides their previous conversation about women's rights should be punctuated by a Jason Miraz cover. Said dude is now glaring into the middle distance while absentmindedly strumming his g-chord. Barry is standing in her dining room making what looks like a sincere and heartfelt speech that Iris can't hear a word of.

Maybe it's the overhead fan.

Maybe it's the repetition of that horrible g-chord.

Maybe it's the steady roar of Kara taking off into the Manhattan sky like a 747.

And Barry is a genius, so it wouldn't be too difficult for him to draw a causal relationship between the specific way her casual Friday get together went down in lasers and her sudden allergy to the spoken word. It should be noted that his attempt to be a calming influence is somewhat undermined by the fact that he's wearing what look like scarlet pajamas.

Oh, with lightning bolts.

Iris would totally believe that he was attending a Greek God-themed slumber party as Hermes if she hadn't just recently seen him appear in her doorway as a blur and materialize from actual beams of light. So again, if any part of what he's saying involves the words "calm" or "stay" in relation to her Iris just might have to scream. Post-traumatic T.G.I.F.-event Cisco, who pre-games in his apartment and arrives a bit tipsy, glances between Iris and Barry wearing the heartbroken expression  that clearly communicates he thinks his parents are divorcing. Jumpy Goatee Guy allegedly adept at bar trivia (what is his name? what is her life?) is still glaring like that middle distance did something terrible to his ancestors. Barry is making all kinds of conciliatory hand gestures, which is still a little irritating and a lot baffling because his hands are kind of vibrating? Yeah.

She thinks she might need to sit down. Maybe.

It's feasible, the couch is only a couple of feet behind her. She's already lifted her right arm to take two solid swallows from her wine glass so she's no longer paralyzed with fear/shock/disgust/wonder cocktail. So that's...something.

The thing is Kara doesn't just fly away like a bird or a Boeing 747 or Newton's Laws of physics, she flies away in pursuit of someone else. Who was also flying. Meaning that there were two (2) individuals with the capacity for flight in her apartment at the same time. Iris West currently has the monopoly on flying persons, her neighbors, nay the entire Upper West Side should probably start rationing their laser-inclined flying humans because wow, market cornered. In less awesome news, some unknown person with a soft spot for flight was in her house (where she does some of her best sleeping) for an unspecified amount of time that could have began any time between her pulling her comforter over her head in silent protest against the very idea of consciousness and when she kicks her door open at 7:30 wither hers full of grocery bags and a bottle of '74 Mount Blanc sporting a leak that wouldn't make itself apparent until Iris went back out to collect the neglected morning Times and finds Mr. Welman's Shitzu on her way to properly smashed.

In the hours before running downstairs to greet her guests, Iris had taken her shoes off, checked her messages, complained to herself aloud about Aspiring Office Asshole Todd Garret, disliked eight Facebook posts made by mutuals who only remained so out of her desire for family gatherings to remain peaceful affairs, taken a nap, considered buying a plant that's genetically bred to die more slowly, listened to music, avoided calling her mom, got a few chapters farther into Going Clear, pre-heated the oven, threw her Bird of the Valley into the trash shoot, started dinner, danced to the entirety of Lemonade in her kitchen, finished dinner and enjoyed a pre-dinner snack of olives and cheese. All of this to say she could've died while listening to Sia. At the close of Iris' harrowing tale (sans airborne reporters and dudes turning into energy) Linda Park will grab Iris' hands consolingly, then spend the next hour detailing horrifying hypothetical's about her home invader going through her closets and smelling her bath salt. (She'll preface it with "I'm so glad you're alive!" but only because Linda's biggest fear is some stranger going through her stuff. Not even taking anything just...handling it.)

So to summarize: Iris' Friday is ruined, she has all manner of flying, laser-y, pajama-d, oh-hey-I'm-actually-made-of-light individuals coming in and out of her place like it's Grand Central Station for X-Men and hey look at that, her wine is gone. Barry is still talking, gesturing first to the broken table, then to Cisco with those diplomatic communication hands and Iris doesn't actually have time to wonder in what way Cisco is like a broken table because Twitchy Goatee Jason Miraz decides this is the perfect moment to take a running leap off of her balcony.

∞

Her hands are shaking so badly she has to push the elevator button four times before it lights up. A week later, she'll remember all the particulars of this elevator ride. Leaning against the wooden panels, trying to catch her breath, the guard rail digging into her back, titled upward toward the number panel but seeing nothing, nothing, the incessant buzzing of her phone in the right hand pocked of the coat she'd grabbed for blindly, feeling her fingers close around the two small, sinewy objects and a thin filmy scrap, registering dimly that she saw The Avengers in this coat and her breathing grows so loud in her ears that she can't hear anything else.

∞

Iris thinks she might have to retire her fingers.

The fight with the lock is ugly and she's earned the scratches on her knuckles by the time the door finally relents.

Future Iris will return to this moment and remember the way Linda Park and Patty Spivot jump apart like the most 90s teen cliché' there ever was, with a fond eye-roll. The amount of noise she's just made gives them plenty of time to adjust themselves but robs Linda of the opportunity to try really hard to look casual while also having a heart attack.

Present Iris is a little busy kicking the door down to fully appreciate the pure sitcom gold inherent in the situation. Linda must have taken her distressed expression as some kind of personal indictment because she manages to yell "I thought you gave me your key!" and "We're dating?" in a way that feels like one statement.  

[malaiseofdyingrelationships-blog]

Hey w, does your being a badass wilderness person mean you still have substantial discounts to backpacks? M and I went on Sierra trading post and found the perf bag but I only get a 20% and I think his is 24. Think yours could be a little bit more? Thanks! Congrats on being done with science forever

Hey phoebe! I too am happy that I can return to my regularly scheduled programming of stories of sea otters and such. so my backcountry code is no longer valid, but I can order direct from the companies still. I can get 35-40% off both Osprey and Gregory, if that helps. What packs are you looking at? Oh OR is on there too– there’s this giant portal most gear companies use. And thanks for the accolade- I’m flattered. With packs you’ve actually kinda wandered into my pet obsession, even among other types of gear. i was just looking at some super hot semi custom stuff… Don’t tell me gear can’t be sexy

oh gear is uber sexy. Ok this pack has m AND a stamp of approval. I might have to ask you for discounts ordering hiking boots after I figure what I want this weekend. Don’t think buying a new coat is necessary? Idk, I’m not sure. Thoughts?

What’s the climate like where you’re headed?

Ok so I don’t know if I’ll be in the lowlands or up in the mountains but mostly rainy in the summer and snowy but dryish winter. However, it’s lowest pt is 5k ft above sea level

Wow I didn’t know they got snow

Lol why cuz it’s Africa? How dare you. Oh ok so snowy all year in some parts (probe int he highlands) and a bunch of snow in winter. I’m really hoping they’d assign me up in the mountains. That’d be ideal.

Hahaha I guess you’re right– it is pretty far south. This place gets cooler and cooler. The mountains are legit.

Yea seriously… but Africa is a black box for most of us anyway. Additionally, should I get a new coat? Idk

It depends– if you have a solid jacket you can wash it and reapply the water-resistant coating and that helps a ton. if you don’t have super solid hats and especially gloves i’d invest in good gloves first.

120 for a backpack still seems rather excessive…

How often will you be using it?

Well I’m not planning on bring a large suitcase so probably all the time. This is it. My life’s possessions for the next 2 years.

That’s scary. And I put everything in 2 duffels at the end of each term. But kinda freeing too.

Nah, I’m going buddhist for a while :) The things I’ve seen people do for material things.

Ugh.

Kinda cool and romantic tho, don’t you think? I hope this is what freedom feels like.

Still objects are cool. They’re my favorite historical things, because you can totally write a 20 page essay about a staircase handrail or a 1980s nylon backpack. It is romantic, and you’ll get to use more local materials too!

What can you say about the handrail? I’m looking forward to not being bombarded with media all the time and just having the time and space to meditate and read literature and philosophy and go hiking and petting goats :)

That it symbolizes 1930s ideas of nature and its transformations, as wells a land ethic and so much more. This is at Timberline :) Hope you get to see it one day! What is the 30s idea of nature? Is that where the idea of pristine wilderness comes in? But I remember you telling me that national parks became a thing as a way to combine labor and leisure.

I would say that became a thing like around 1930. Earlier parks like yellowstone (1916) were more pristine ideas of nature. 30s was totally multiuser. The handrail is actually a piece of scrap iron and an old cedar telephone pole. It’s carved and reshaped, similar to ideas of improving the land, and also serves to connect the building to the land around it.

Huh, not sure what I was expecting but definitely not that. It’s beautiful! I was imagining the flimsy iron handrails that adorn the sides of mountains in China

Hahaha yea, it’s a bit different.

Your sentences are practically lyrical. I sincerely appreciate you sharing all this with me!

It’s an old railroad rails smithed by Works Progress Administration circa 1937. Awww you know the way to my feels. Thanks :)

I love how poetic your writing is, even in something as technical as handrail design. I only wish physicists wrote as well as you.

I’m blushing.

Surely you must know. But I didn’t think about the historical progression of an object like an 80s backpack. How are modern backpacks different? Well, I guess we prioritize and carry different things now. When I think about pianos and piano technology, there really hasn’t been any changes from Steinway’s late 19th c design so I’m curious to see how many modifications gear can go through.

Yea, but most people find it florid or annoying– thanks for seeing the value in it :) (btw I don’t think anyone’s ever turned me on with just words, but…  :P) Hm. You’re totally right with the pianos. The 70s and 80s saw the advent of nylon-based pack fabrics, as well as the emergence of the post-WW@ American obsession with wilderness.

yea! That handrail reminds me of those elaborately carved wooden harpsichords or early iterations of the modern piano but piano tech really died down after the 19th c. Haha I thought Americans were always obsessed with wilderness.

People essentially used oil based plastics to explore what they thought of as nature. And gear became more than a means to an ends but a symbol of status of leisure too. Ooh, have you ever played a harpsichord? I did once and I got what Bac was after.

Hence the 120 I’m dropping on a backpack. Yea! We have one here too. you play? Damn. A man of many talents.

Nah, in the 1700s if you wanted to go camp in the wild you were batshit crazy. Like people thought the devil lived there. literally. (Christ in the wilderness, temptation, all that jazz.)

There’s a piano maker in Freeport who makes 17 and 18c style pianos. It was quite the experience. Huh, Did nature become worshipped during the Enlightenment? Thoreau and such

You’re being seduced by all the deadly deadly nature. I played from like 5-16, all piano. The harpsichord was a one night stand.

You’ll have to play for me. Why did you never mention this? I bet you’re really good.

Transcendentalist and pastoral ideas of nature, but not wilderness. Haha you’re actually helping me study…

to be honest, I roll my eyes at the transcendentalists. Studying for which class? I thought you dropped your resilience class and that humanities majors don’t have exams lol

Pfffft I just mess around for fun now and even that’s rare. i hardly play anymore, but I think if I started again I’d be ok.

That’s what people really good say.

Oh the resilience class was last term. I’m not *that* much of a train wreck this term I’m in perspectives, which has a final, and k’s borderlands and frontiers class has one.

Well, good luck. I’m sure you’ll do well. Seduce him away with your poetry.

Oh I will.

[magnaturbaestinurbe-blog]

'Unsuccessful' is not the adjective Iris would use to modify the shiny, abrupt, hellscape of an evening whose debris she currently stands amidst. 'Terrible' is too kind. 'Unfortunate' suggests that there some course of action she could have taken to prevent this. The phrase 'Dumpster fire' is a good start, 'study is the subtle art of wtf' is better.

"Disaster having unprotected sex with catastrophe and popping out the apocalypse" is disqualified, mostly because Cisco is saying it aloud at about the same time Kara starts applying her laser vision (and yes, that is a thing that currently exists uncomfortably close to Iris's entire life) to what was once a wall in her apartment and now mostly resembles a canvas on which some experimental artist does her least inspired work.

 It should not be this difficult to come up with something. Words are her weapons, they can topple empires, and comfort the downtrodden, and on rare occasions ignite the soul and ugh, no. If she has more than three Long Island Ice Teas there's always a point in the evening where she comes very close to crying over Christian Amnpor. Damn it. Anyway, words do her bidding on a daily basis, so it's a little disappointing to find herself mentally flipping through her tragedy specific Thesaurus unable to come up with a single descriptor.

It's a testament to Cisco's dedication to their friendship that despite being properly drunk and a little blown away, he's sitting up on the couch and earnestly attempting to make words. Iris would help him out but she's still a little...

(Kara, with whom Iris shares a fifteen by twenty foot cubicle for a year, bashfully apologizes for essentially setting Iris' kitchen on fire then walks out on the balcony and proceeds to fly the fuck a way.)

The food she spends a large percentage of the evening preparing-all of which is completely edible and not at all burnt-is decorating the dinning-room floor. Well, that's not entirely accurate. Some of the more ambitious chunks of macaroni and cheese have rolled into the living room to huddle in a weird semi-circle around the couch legs. Her dining-room table is in two relatively even pieces. It's not an IKEA refund but there is something to be said about the precision of lasers.  Fun fact: Five minutes after Iris opens the wine (is it weird that opening wine makes her feel like an actual adult?) and ten minutes before she no longer has a table, the twitchy dude Kara insists is a friend from trivia night pulls out his guitar from seemingly nowhere and decides their previous conversation about women's rights should be punctuated by a Jason Miraz cover. Said dude is now glaring into the middle distance while absentmindedly strumming his g-chord. Barry is standing in her dining room making what looks like a sincere and heartfelt speech that Iris can't hear a word of.

Maybe it's the overhead fan.

Maybe it's the repetition of that horrible g-chord.

Maybe it's the steady roar of Kara taking off into the Manhattan sky like a 747.

And Barry is a genius, so it wouldn't be too difficult for him to draw a causal relationship between the specific way her casual Friday get together went down in lasers and her sudden allergy to the spoken word. It should be noted that his attempt to be a calming influence is somewhat undermined by the fact that he's wearing what look like scarlet pajamas.

Oh, with lightning bolts.

Iris would totally believe that he was attending a Greek God-themed slumber party as Hermes if she hadn't just recently seen him appear in her doorway as a blur and materialize from actual beams of light. So again, if any part of what he's saying involves the words "calm" or "stay" in relation to her Iris just might have to scream. Post-traumatic T.G.I.F.-event Cisco, who pre-games in his apartment and arrives a bit tipsy, glances between Iris and Barry wearing the heartbroken expression  that clearly communicates he thinks his parents are divorcing. Jumpy Goatee Guy allegedly adept at bar trivia (what is his name? what is her life?) is still glaring like that middle distance did something terrible to his ancestors. Barry is making all kinds of conciliatory hand gestures, which is still a little irritating and a lot baffling because his hands are kind of vibrating? Yeah.

She thinks she might need to sit down. Maybe.

It's feasible, the couch is only a couple of feet behind her. She's already lifted her right arm to take two solid swallows from her wine glass so she's no longer paralyzed with fear/shock/disgust/wonder cocktail. So that's...something.

The thing is Kara doesn't just fly away like a bird or a Boeing 747 or Newton's Laws of physics, she flies away in pursuit of someone else. Who was also flying. Meaning that there were two (2) individuals with the capacity for flight in her apartment at the same time. Iris West currently has the monopoly on flying persons, her neighbors, nay the entire Upper West Side should probably start rationing their laser-inclined flying humans because wow, market cornered. In less awesome news, some unknown person with a soft spot for flight was in her house (where she does some of her best sleeping) for an unspecified amount of time that could have began any time between her pulling her comforter over her head in silent protest against the very idea of consciousness and when she kicks her door open at 7:30 wither hers full of grocery bags and a bottle of '74 Mount Blanc sporting a leak that wouldn't make itself apparent until Iris went back out to collect the neglected morning Times and finds Mr. Welman's Shitzu on her way to properly smashed.

In the hours before running downstairs to greet her guests, Iris had taken her shoes off, checked her messages, complained to herself aloud about Aspiring Office Asshole Todd Garret, disliked eight Facebook posts made by mutuals who only remained so out of her desire for family gatherings to remain peaceful affairs, taken a nap, considered buying a plant that's genetically bred to die more slowly, listened to music, avoided calling her mom, got a few chapters farther into Going Clear, pre-heated the oven, threw her Bird of the Valley into the trash shoot, started dinner, danced to the entirety of Lemonade in her kitchen, finished dinner and enjoyed a pre-dinner snack of olives and cheese. All of this to say she could've died while listening to Sia. At the close of Iris' harrowing tale (sans airborne reporters and dudes turning into energy) Linda Park will grab Iris' hands consolingly, then spend the next hour detailing horrifying hypothetical's about her home invader going through her closets and smelling her bath salt. (She'll preface it with "I'm so glad you're alive!" but only because Linda's biggest fear is some stranger going through her stuff. Not even taking anything just...handling it.)

So to summarize: Iris' Friday is ruined, she has all manner of flying, laser-y, pajama-d, oh-hey-I'm-actually-made-of-light individuals coming in and out of her place like it's Grand Central Station for X-Men and hey look at that, her wine is gone. Barry is still talking, gesturing first to the broken table, then to Cisco with those diplomatic communication hands and Iris doesn't actually have time to wonder in what way Cisco is like a broken table because Twitchy Goatee Jason Miraz decides this is the perfect moment to take a running leap off of her balcony.

∞

Her hands are shaking so badly she has to push the elevator button four times before it lights up. A week later, she'll remember all the particulars of this elevator ride. Leaning against the wooden panels, trying to catch her breath, the guard rail digging into her back, titled upward toward the number panel but seeing nothing, nothing, the incessant buzzing of her phone in the right hand pocked of the coat she'd grabbed for blindly, feeling her fingers close around the two small, sinewy objects and a thin filmy scrap, registering dimly that she saw The Avengers in this coat and her breathing grows so loud in her ears that she can't hear anything else.

∞

Iris thinks she might have to retire her fingers.

The fight with the lock is ugly and she's earned the scratches on her knuckles by the time the door finally relents.

Future Iris will return to this moment and remember the way Linda Park and Patty Spivot break jump apart like the most 90s teen cliché' there ever was, with a fond eye-roll. The amount of noise she's just made gives them plenty of time to adjust themselves but robs Linda of the opportunity to try really hard to look casual while also having a heart attack.

Present Iris is a little busy kicking the door down to fully appreciate the pure sitcom gold inherent in the situation. Linda must have taken her distressed expression as some kind of personal indictment because she manages to yell "I thought you gave me your key!" and "We're dating?" in a way that feels like one statement.